Handsome - Toni Collette asks about inappropriate songs

Episode Date: December 17, 2024

The incredible Toni Collette asks about naughty songs, plus Mae's 100-year-old house, rubbing the right away, and a whole lotta singing!*** Handsome has a live-streaming holi-bobs show Dec 21! Tickets at dynastytypewriter.com ***Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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This is a Head Gum Podcast. Handsome Chad and my friends on the Handsome Pod. Chad and my friends on the Handsome Pod. Cheers. Welcome to the Handsome Pod. I am one of three of your handsome hosts, May Martin, joined as always by the most studly, handsome people in my life. Oh, that's me. It's Tig Notaro, your studly, handsome co-host

of the podcast. And we also have somebody else who is, I mean, At the moment. Gun show going on over here. Me? Go to YouTube. It's Fortune Fooster. Fortune, you are really showing off your guns there.

Guns meaning arms, muscular arms. Go to YouTube. It's part of it's just my jacket. Oh, you're right. I'm also showing off my headset once again. I love it. I love to see it. This is 911.

What's your emergency? Please, I spilled something. I can't understand what you're saying. Could you please? I feel like 911 operators should be answering like, hello, 911. Yeah, that's so true. Just to kind of like join in on your panic and you know.

Yeah, it's so condescending almost, the way they're like. The most infuriating ones though is when someone's like, there's someone in the next room, he's got a gun. And they're like, what's happening? Yeah. The guy in the next room, but again, ma'am, you're gonna have to calm down. I can't, those, oh, that's the worst.

Yeah, that's why they should answer being, oh God, he is, he's in the other room. Do you know him? Oh jeez, I don't know what you should do. But gets her a bed you can get under. You know? Just complete and utter panic. Oh my God.

What a tough job. Who wants that? No, I don't want it. I am sick. Home intruders is really scary, huh, but I mean, yeah, I mean, is there anyone that's like, no, it's cool. Oh, this old guy, come on in. Or this gaggle of guys.

Oh God, I'm just gonna assume it's a man. Yeah, I watched this horror movie called The Strangers and it was basically just a nightmare. It was that, it was just a couple in a house and then two people breaking in, it was horrific. But I did a really good prank on my friends during it. Oh yeah? Did I tell you this already?

No. I'm not sure, I can't keep up with girls pranking. Oh, give it a whirl. So we were at an Airbnb in Big Bear in the middle of the forest, everyone spooked out already I'm not sure. I can't keep up with girls' pranks. Give it a whirl. I'll give it a whirl. We were at an Airbnb in Big Bear in the middle of the forest. Everyone spooked out already and we were watching this spooky movie. Me and my friend were in on it. There were about seven people there.

I had my friend save my number in her phone as Mike, Airbnb owner. Then we were watching this horror movie and then I text secretly, hi, Ali, I saw that you rented a movie on my Amazon account. Bad behavior, period. And then she was like, guys, I just got this weird message from the Airbnb owner. And she was, so she responds,

everyone's like, oh, just say you'll add it to the bill. She goes, oh, sorry about that, Mike. Just add it to our bill, please. And I wrote back, good girl, period. No, creepy, right? He said, good girl. What? And everyone's like, wow, that's so gross. And then I said, my brother and I really, this property is really important to my brother. And I, and I started talking about me and my brother.

And then everyone is screaming. And then I was like, have you locked? I would have packed it up the car. Yes, and I was saying like, have you locked the windows and doors? And then I sent a photograph of two skeletons watching a movie. Yeah, that is mean.

I said, me and my brother are watching a movie too. And when did you reveal that it was? Well, what happened was this guy. Or is this the reveal? No, this friend of ours got so stressed out that he grabbed Ali's phone. He said, I'm gonna text him from my number and say this is so inappropriate.

You're messaging, you know. And so he starts inputting the number in his phone and then as he put the number in, my name came up. Oh, hilarious. But it was really, I thought Good Girl was really inspired. Because that is creepy. That's disgusting. But it could be real.

Yeah, for sure. Well, anything could be real. That would be a good thing in a movie, in a scary movie. Do you think? Yeah, you should write one because you like scary stuff. I know your Netflix show has that bend to it like a thriller.

It's spooky. You should write a full on scary movie. Like a slasher movie? If the three of us were in one. With lesbians and gay folks. There's fortunes. Drag queens, all the good stuff. You should do a movie based on a Mad Libs.

Oh my god. I got the plot of the movie via Mad Lib. Yeah. By just inputting. I mean, that's it. You just fill in Mad Libs and then you write the movie. It's like a group of people are in a blank. Stinky apartment. Stinky house.

Who do you think would survive in a slasher situation at a remote Airbnb out of the three of us? Me. Who do you think would survive in a slasher situation at a remote Airbnb out of the three of us? Me. Yeah, I knew that before I even finished the sentence, I knew that was the truth. You know why? Why? Here's my secret to survival.

If somebody were to attack me, I would just get on my back, I'd get on the ground, get on my back and just start kicking my legs. Nobody can get to me. I would just get on my back and get on the ground, get on my back and just start kicking my legs. Nobody can get to me. That's really good. Just frailing about. Just kicking my legs. Just problem solved. But now I've announced it to the world. I know they're going to know that that's coming. Yeah. Everybody knows how to get out of a slasher film.

How to live through it a slasher film. How to live through it. That's really good. Not your hands. I know, but your hands would be doing something too, right? No, they'd be like behind my head, just relaxing. Just legs. You're not even fighting anyone off your face.

No. You guys both have strong legs, cause you got- Oh yeah, I got very strong legs. Yeah, oh man, maybe fortune would live through this. I do have some sexy legs. Yeah. If we're giving ourselves a pat on the back or anything.

A pat on the calf. Yeah, pat my calf. It's rock hard. Cannot be somebody's drag queen name, pat my calf. Pat my calf. I got some gams. And you're not scared to use them. I'm not afraid to use them, no.

I've never thought about the laying down and flailing my legs about, but could work. Oh, for sure. Did you guys ever with a sibling, or like you're sitting on a couch with your feet facing each other. So your backs are again, and you're just kicking each other

and kicking each other's feet. But your back- Max and Finn were just doing that last night before bed. Oh funny. You know what? That gives me, that makes me, I'm like, okay, it still happens. Siblings are still just pounding each other.

We never did that. Really? My brothers would just like punch me in the stomach and move on. Baseball bat to the stomach. Did you ever get any good clubbing in? Oh yeah, we would fight like fist fights. Seriously?

Yeah, brothers are intense. I can really picture you being like, guys, come on. I was like, well then I would cry. I would act tough and then eventually they'd hurt me too much and I'd cry. Yeah. Same. And I'm like, I hate you.

My brothers were rough and tumble. They did not give me, they did not play daintily with me. Yeah. Nor did mine. Mine would beat me to a pulp and then I would take my stuffed monkey Zip who had a plastic face and plastic hands and plastic feet, and I'd just swirl that at him.

Oh my God. I'd hope that you'd clip him with a... Yes. Oh my God. My mom would take me with them to play in the neighborhood. They were like, ugh. God. She'd make them take you?

Yeah. And my oldest brother is almost seven years older than me. So can you imagine? What a buzzkill. Total buzzkill. I would sit in between him and his girlfriend on dates. He was like, oh my God. My brother was very docile and gentle,

but then we did go through a phase where he would provoke me to the point of me hitting him. I mean, not that I'm blaming him, victim blaming, but like I was like maybe 11. You made me hit you. Well, he would do it. I swear he would. He would just provoke me.

He'd go, I'd go, can you pass the juice? And he'd go, yeah, sure. And then he'd pass it so slowly like that. Or he, and I would just provoke me. He'd go, I'd go, can you pass the juice? And he'd go, yeah, sure. And then he'd pass it so slowly like that. And I would just lose my mind. A slow passing of the juice. Yeah. Infuriating. You went through hell. Yeah, you're right.

I was the bully, I guess. The amount of time it took for the juice to reach you. This is mean. Everything about you makes sense now, May. But he would wait until I snapped and then he'd immediately go, I'm telling mom, I'm telling mom. And then I'd be bawling going, please don't tell her.

Oh my God. And it was this like toxic cycle. Did she ever find out? Yeah, one time she came home from dinner or whatever and Joe said, May kicked me. And it was a big deal. But then the one time that he did snap, was he used to paint these little figurines

like war hammer, you know, like, do Max and Finn do like orcs and goblins and? I haven't come across an orc or a goblin. What is an orc? What is an orc? Yeah. Guys, I don't know. I don't know what this is. Two against one.

Thomas is with me. The Canadian nerds are, an orc is a, well Tolkien, I guess, invented the orc specifically. It's like a kind of, well, they're spawned in Mordor. In the bowels of a mountain, and they're kind of like ogre-y, violent. I'm bored. Okay, yeah, fair enough.

Anyway, my brother painstakingly painted these figurines and one day I was kicking my legs and I accidentally, it was just an accident, knocked over the whole shelf. Oh no. And all these freshly painted orcs. They're, you know, and he- Not the freshly painted ones. What a nightmare.

But he had never lost his temper with me really before and he just walked over to me calmly, put his hands around my throat and started squeezing. Oh my God, that's like a serial killer kind of kill. I know, I was like, he's gonna kill me. Yeah, that's, he always seemed, the neighbors were always so nice and quiet. Yeah, exactly.

And then I knocked over their orc. Yeah, that's scary. I mean, I know Mork from Orc. Mork is an alien. I know, I used to watch the show. I'm just saying that's the only time I heard of orc was Mork from Orc. Oh, was his planet called Orc?

Yeah. Oh. Oh. This is like a tune. I didn't, yeah. Oh, this is like a tune. I didn't know either. Oh boy. You didn't know Mork was from Ork? No.

Wow. Okay. Look at me, knowing TV trivia. Yeah. From the 70s. Those were the days. So May, you were telling us some exciting news before we started and I said, save it for the podcast.

Yeah, I mean, I've been just closely guarding this news. So it just, but it happened yesterday. So I've only guarded it for, I guess, 12 hours, but I bought a house. That is so exciting. Thanks. Great. Well, we're still, there's like inspections.

Right, right. You gotta get through a couple of things. A couple of things. It is on the side of a cliff. And it may be not structurally sound. Oh no. Well then, you definitely want to get through the inspections before closing that deal.

If it is not structurally sound, that's an expensive thing to fix. So just make sure that's. Yeah, I think the city is repairing the cliff next year. Oh shit. Okay, well so you have a year to hope you don't slide down. Oh God. Yeah, fingers crossed, no earthquakes in the next year.

But you love the place, you must have. Yeah, tell us about the place. Well, I mean, I'm 37. There've been a couple of moments in my life where I felt like I should have just got a little place, got on the ladder, and instead I bought t-shirts and Ubers. And so I was like, you know.

You do love an Uber. Oh, do I? You love to pull up in a long black stretch Uber. Yeah. This is a real problem. Yeah, you take those big black SUV ones, expensive ones. I hate that you guys have noticed that about me. Are you kidding me? Just coming to our pod in a black SUV.

I'm like, May's got some money. Yeah, go to coffee and the big old black SUV pulls up. I'm like, that's the most expensive of the Uber categories. You know what the issue is? They're often the ones that are fastest to come and I have real time management problems and it'll be like, oh, it's two minutes.

We haven't noticed that. Yeah, that hasn't come up. Fuck you. What are you, what is this? Yeah, tell us about it. Maybe it'll start to sound familiar. Some people just know they can save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first.

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because they have all those rules now, but I'm not opposed to a comfort Uber. I take an eco green. Oh yeah, like a Prius or something? Yeah. Oh, that's nice of you. Well now that I have made this larger purchase, you better believe I'm not taking any more Uber Blacks.

I'm scared. You got to pinch some pennies for us. But it's just a little guy. We got to make sure the structure is good. First of all, make sure the structure is good. And then hopefully it closes. Then you got to furnish it. How many bedrooms? It's just a little two-bedroom bungalow.

And then it has a little back house. Perfect. And it's super, it's 100 years old. I realized. 100 exactly. This is its don't know. 100 exactly? Oh, that's. This is its hundredth birthday? Happy birthday, house.

Happy birthday, house. House, happy birthday to you. Oh my gosh, it must have been eating a Blue Zone diet. I hope that you survive this hill for one more year. I know, when it turns 101, it just slides down the hill. Oh my God. May! I'm picturing me and my little nighty and night cab just sliding down that hill.

In your bonties. May, if this inspection is like, the house is in pretty good shape, it could fall down this hill. Take it. You might have to pull out of this. Take it. I just know myself and I know I'll just take the risk, but I realized how little I know about any of this stuff. Like it's got these old hardwood floors. And I was like, oh, I love it.

And I was like, my friend was like, oh, maybe you should replace them. And I was like, no, there's cracks, but we'll just get some grouting and we got to do the grouting. She was like, you don't grout hardwood we'll just get some grouting and we got to do the grouting. She was like, you don't grout hardwood. Yeah, you don't grout wood.

I thought you grouted everything with cracks. I say you get the house, you start grouting that wood. I say wait to make sure that the house isn't- No, no, no. Go for it. Get yourself some grout. We gotta get the structural report first. No. You are getting a structure, a person to come specifically to check the structure, right?

Yeah. Just buy it. Yeah. Get a bucket of grout. Bucket of me and a bucket. I don't even need furniture. I just... I bet it's got a cool...

Sit on the grout bucket. It's probably got a cool view, huh? It's a really nice view of, it's in Silver Lake and it just looks- Imagine the view when you're on the, is there a balcony? Yeah, a little balcony. Yeah, and imagine the view like when you're- What, like a porch?

Yeah, and you're on the porch and then it like slides down the mountain. Oh my God. Like imagine that view when you're like, oh my God. How did you find this place? A real estate person found it? Yeah, yeah, I feel like you suspect that I'm just like knocking on doors. Like, can I buy your house?

I just was at a friend's house who's like, who bought a place and his friend sold it to him and they just didn't wanna deal with anybody. So he was like, hey, you wanna buy my place? And he's like, yeah. Oh, I love that, yeah. I know, and that would be nice. When I went to view it the first time,

there was a big spider in the bathtub. And then- Oh, don't get that house. And then when I went back, like a week later, to view it again, the spider was still there in that bathtub. So I guess he lives there. Oh, okay. Well, he's got eight legs to cling.

He didn't even try to leave? No, no. When you went back, you must've been like, this is it, this is my place. Yeah. You had that feeling. I just, you know, I'm like, I make decisions pretty quickly. Like I don't get paralyzed by decision-making

and even if it's the wrong choice, I'm like, just make a choice. Not that this is the wrong choice, but I really, yeah. I'd seen a bunch of places and I was like, I really like this, I want this to move of places and I was like, I really like this. I want this to move fast. But you know, it's emotional. It's like a big life thing and, um, you know, signifies a sort of.

Changing of paths and in a way, so the next step. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And not what I thought I'd be doing this time of year. So, yeah, yeah. But it's still, you know, it's something I'm doing for myself and making a little solid base.

So it's exciting. That's really exciting. A really cool thing. Congrats. I'll have you guys over. Please. Are you going to make the little, the back, you said there's like a back house area.

You guys will live there. Will that be a pod space or something else? That's a good idea. You know, I got a lot of straight male friends who like to come visit me. So I got almost like- Also they'll be sent to the back. You're out there, buddy.

All my best buds. You and your wiener. I'm gonna put my boys back in the back house. Okay. Yeah. I like it. Now, is this house big enough for an orgy? Oh yeah. Oh, good question, Tig. Tig, you actually would be surprised. You don't need a house big enough for an orgy? Oh, yeah. Oh, listen.

Good question, Tig. Tig, you actually would be surprised, you don't need a lot of space for an orgy. You need a king-size bed. And I was like, you're not familiar. Yeah. Please tell us. Yeah, I would assume you just need a huge house.

Everyone's going nuts, flying all over the place. One big room. Uh-huh. Because if someone's willing to be in an orgy, they don't need to be closed off in like a separate room. No. Unless they're misbehaving. If they're breaking orgy rules, are there orgy rules?

Yeah, what are the rules? Yeah. Well, I don't know that I've, listen, I'm not having tons of orgies all the time, but I think- You're even having had one. Oh yeah, let's just say, just because you're saying, I haven't had a lot, you're not saying you're not having any. Yeah, yeah.

I don't think there's any like explicit rules, but there's a lot of, you know, communication. People take breaks, people take- Like somebody sitting on the side going, that would be me. Yes. Oh boy. I would be me. Yes. Oh boy. I'd be like, y'all keep going.

Y'all keep going. I'm having a water break. Yeah. I might eat some Doritos in the corner. Oh my God. And then come back with your orange fingers. I don't get invited to these parties. You know, even in my single days.

There's no formal invitations. It's gotta be to be a spontaneous. You don't send out an e-vite? I don't send out an e-vite. It just happens at the end of a. Wow. I can't imagine just going to a person's house to hang. You're just like, had a dinner party and then three hours later,

everyone's clothes are off. I know. But that's good for you. It's like, I know, isn't it something? Good for you though bud. I guess I'm back in that era. Actually I'm currently up in Joshua Tree. Oh, that's an orgy. That is definitely an orgy place.

Well, I had rented this. What are you doing in Joshua Tree? I'm playing a music show tonight. I'm doing some tunes at Pappy and Harriet's. You know that? Cool. But I had rented initially this Airbnb to come with the woman I was heavily involved with.

And now I'm with my buddy Matt up here and there's a waterfall and a hot tub and a water slide. Like I've already been on a water slide today. It's only 9.30 AM. Dude, that sounds like an orgy pad. Well, I know that's my thinking. Yeah, so. The water slide, someone's gonna water slide down

right onto a wiener or a vagina. Fortune Marie. Fortune Marie. You took it one slide too far. We were just talking about Orgy. I know, but we didn't say specifically what was involved. We didn't talk about parts. No.

Fingers, holes. No. Fortune. Fortune Marie. You know Joshua Tree, things go down in the desert because it gets really dark out there and there's no one for like miles. Yeah, so you have to have an orgy. How else would you survive? You have to, what else are you going to do?

Yeah, that's how you survive out there. After May's show, it's going to get wild. I got to say my dream is to have an orgy with aliens because Joshua Tree feels like UFO town, like people are seeing aliens all the time. Like maybe some people landing from Ork. Oh, you wanna be from the planet Ork? You wanna probe situation.

I don't know that I wanna be probed, but I'm not. I'm going to probe you. You know, I'm not into it. No problemo. Hey. Whoa! I'm not nodding to it. No problemo. Hey.

Whoa! Pew! No problemo. I wanna hear post Joshua Tree updates. Yeah. Right. Well, you might never see me again. I might be on a UFO. Oh wow.

Having like telepathic sex. Write down everything and then mail the letter to us. Mail it to us, yes, before you go off to whatever planet you're going to. As the spaceship is taking you away, just drop that letter. I can imagine it floating down like that. Right to our mailboxes.

So yeah, it sounds like, yeah, you are entering into a new era. I guess, I'm trying to drum up some enthusiasm for it. You know, I'm a romantic, but I got the house. So I'm gonna just- That's huge. I'll be doing some paintings and, you know, nurturing my tender spirit.

Well, it's a good time for you to, yeah, just live your life. Yeah, man. Fortune, can I write that down? That's a really good- Like May is gonna write down their weekend, write down just live your life. Just live your.

Live your. Even say live, laugh, love. Life. Hey, that's good. Live, laugh, love. Ooh, live, laugh, love. I'm gonna write that down. Put that on the sign.

Put that in your kitchen. Yeah. I hope there's a live, laugh, love sign. May in the house. Would you guys, if a UFO came down kitchen. I hope there's a little love sign made in the house. If a UFO came down and an alien said, and the alien's not, it's not not attractive, but it's definitely an alien. It looks like sort of large eyes.

And yeah. And it said, would you like to have an alien sexual encounter? Oh, you think they ask, okay. Yeah, I think maybe they ask. But would you guys be interested if you're single and the alien's like, trust me, it's gonna be good. Oh, they're aggressive, they're not like shy. Oh, would you prefer shy?

You want like a coy, yeah. Coy alien. It starts, hey. I would prefer like a coy alien than like an aggressive alien showing up telling me what's up. Yeah, you're, hey, I've just come from my planet and I don't know anybody around here. I thought we could hang out and chat about my world and your world and how our two worlds could come together. Yeah, sure. I'm game.

Okay. As long as you remain coy. I can answer this. No, I don't have any desire to hang out with an alien or hook up with an alien. Really? Yeah. You know May wants to have an orgy with aliens.

Well, obviously. I'm open to it. I think May's open to more experiences than I'm open to. And that's all right, that's why we love May. Because May's open. Thanks guys. And fortune is shut off. Fortune is shut off but then with,

like clearly the filthiest of the three of us, I think. I just say funny words. With the biggest muscles. Yeah, the biggest gun show. I'm probably the square-est of us all. You think you're squarer than me? I think we're both pretty square. Just the fact that I'm using the word square.

But I think I'm actually the biggest nerd of the three, classic definition of a nerd with sort of fixation interests. I like nerdy things. I am the least nerdy. Yeah, I think that's fair. I didn't make announcements in my junior high school or whatever, our fortune. Oh my God.

Hi everybody, meetin' Mrs. Rundelt's class at 3pm for chess club. Oh I missed it. And Fortune made great grades and I was just smokin' and runnin' around in cowboy boots and shorts and you know. Yeah, you're a rebel. Yeah. 100% the least nerd of the three of us, yeah. Million percent.

Playin' guitar when I was nine. I was a rule follower. Yeah. A million percent. Playing guitar when I was nine. I was a rule follower. Yeah. Not me. Well, but anyway. But you know what? We all seem to be happy with our lanes. That's right. The end. We kind of, we reached the end of the handsome podcast. That was the finale. The show just ended for good. Should we get our question for? We should because it's very exciting who our guest is today. A very, very exciting one.

I have just been working with this person for months. She is, she plays, well, I would say, I'm not going to say villain, but she plays the antagonist in my new show, Wayward. Today's questioner is a Golden Globe and Emmy-winning Oscar-nominated Australian actress with iconic roles in films including Muriel's Wedding, The Sixth Sense, and Hereditary. Yeah, we had such a good time this summer, me,

and well, I'm talking about Toni Collette. We had the best time. We went kayaking. She's like truly a remarkable and funny person. And I think has listened to the pod and had a question, like was like, I have my question. Yeah, yeah, that's awesome. Toni Collette is asking today's question.

Hello, handsome pod, really inappropriate because it was highly sexualized. I have one for sure. I didn't know, I thought she was from the States. You did? No. Yeah. She always plays an American. Does an incredible American accent.

Yeah. But no, Muriel's wedding, very Australian. Yeah. I didn't see that. She's been in so many huge movies. Muriel's wedding is so, so good and has not aged at all. It's like a cult classic. Yeah, yeah.

Have you ever asked her to say, um... Rise up lights? Rise up lights. Rise up lights. No, that's... I gotta do that. I gotta do that. My name's Toni Klitz.

Rise up lights. You have to add a question mark at the end of everything. I'm from Australia? Oh man, it's nice to see her. I have a question? She's everything. I'm from Australia. Oh man, it's nice to see her face. I have a question. She's gonna love that for sure. Do you want me to ask a handsome question?

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Gift luxury this holiday season without the luxury price tag. Go to quince.com slash handsome for 365 day returns plus free shipping on your order. That's q u i n c e dot com slash handsome to get free shipping and 365 day returns quince dot com slash handsome to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince dot com slash handsome. These other actors from the other countries nail the American accent. But the rest of us trying to do there is not so great. Yeah. The Sixth Sense was such a good movie, too. I mean, oh, my God, that scene when you watched it, end the twist for the first time it blew everyone's ponties off Everyone's ponties. You remember like in the theater people were like

I mean everyone lost their minds once you've seen it the first time It doesn't have the same effect, but that was the first time a movie just totally messed with you That was the first time a movie just totally messed with you. Yeah. For the whole movie. And it made you go back and be like, and then it shows you the flashbacks. You're like, oh my God. Also her performance, she's and Haley Jalosman. I think she was only 25 or something in that movie.

Yeah. Playing his mom doing this New York accent and the scene where they're in the car and he goes, grandma says hi. And she's like, Cole, that's very wrong. Grandma's dead, you know that. And then he's like, and he goes, she wants me to say, she saw you dance. And she starts freaking out. And then he goes, when you visited her grave, you asked her a question. The answer is every day. What did you ask her, Mom? And then Toni Collette goes, I asked her, do I make her proud?

It's so good. She's so good at playing those dramatic ladies. Fuck, it's goose bumpy. I was, when we were filming, we were, I'm really between takes or something, me and my co-star, Sarah, we were getting really excited to work with Toni Collette. We hadn't worked with her yet. And then we just decided to watch

that scene on, on YouTube. And we watched that scene. We were both like tears in our eyes, goosebumps riveted. And then we had to go and act again. And suddenly we were like, Oh, we don't know how to act like that's acting. And we've got so self-conscious. We were like, God, everything we do feels fake because we just watched this like master class. Yeah, she's a whole new, a whole other level than most actors. I think she channels something.

Like she just gives over to it. Whereas I feel like I'm always still myself. I mean, Tate, you've talked about, do you feel that too, Fortune? You're just, you can't really get out of your- Like a version of me, yeah. Yeah, versions of us yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm definitely taking space. You're taking space? I got to work with a really cool action icon, Carrie Ann Moss. Oh my God, that's great. Our season two of FUBAR. I mean, Trinity and the freaking matrix. That's huge.

What was she like? Awesome. Super cool. Has all these like remedies for things like naturopath. Oh, cool. Tig would be into that. There is something about like, there is something about acting with some like, it's intimidating, but where you feel like, oh, fuck, I got to raise my game. Like when someone is so committed and you're looking into their eyes and you're like, it's intimidating, but where you feel like, oh fuck, I gotta raise my game.

Like when someone is so committed and you're looking into their eyes and you're like, this is, you're like, for me, this is skin deep. Like if somebody's eyebrow twitches, I'm breaking. Like I'm, you know, I'm barely holding on to like commitment. But when someone opps that you is so good and into it, you do. I felt that on this new Starfleet Academy because I've heard so much about,

from different people that worked with Holly Hunter. She's really intense and she's got her whole weight. Dig. We have to find the aliens now. Exactly. I was a little like, whoa, I gotta like really step it up here. And then, you know, I'm definitely giving it my all, but the nice thing is so far,

she's been nothing but an absolute delight and just so much fun. I thought I was gonna be going on set with like- A method. Just like militant, like intense, oh no kind of situation. The same with Toni and it's so annoying because if I'm gonna get emotional or I'm gonna be, I'm like, I need to,

you know, like I've got to be listening to music and trying to like, but she can just drop into it. And then between takes, she's hilarious and like laughing. Yeah, it's yeah, it's really impressive. Okay, wait, but her question, guys, do you have a song that you would sing at the top of your lungs and you didn't know that it was horny and weird? I didn't know this song was so horny or weird. Gosh, I know that there are songs out there I didn't know had sexual connotations. I remember hearing about George Bush Jr.'s playlist on his iPod or whatever years ago. Okay. And the song My Sharona has- Oh, yeah.

Oh wait, is that a sexual song? I didn't realize it, but it's about desiring a younger woman. Yes. Oh. I always get it up from the touch of the younger kind. That's one of the. Yeah. Well, I remember seeing John Stamos sing that on full house.

Uncle Jesse played it at like the high school dance. Oh really? And he was an, and I remember being like, what did he just say? Right. It's like people were making a big deal about, you know, the president. I mean, it's so insane how far we've gone with that. What is appropriate.

With presidents and what is and isn't. But people were like, oh my gosh, the president has my Sharona on his playlist and it talks about. And that was a thing. That is so funner. Desiring a younger girl. That is crazy though that now we're electing people

charged with sex trafficking. Well it's like when you hear the chick scant, the thing that got them canceled back in the day, it was so tame. I rewatched their documentary of what Natalie said and it's like so tame. What did she say? Yeah, well, they were about to do a big European run,

and they had a small show in London, kind of like for press and stuff. And we had just gone to declared war or whatever, and she's anti-war. And so she just said, you know, oh, we don't support this war. Makes us a shame that our presence from Texas, someone like that. That's it. Everyone is like, you're done. Yeah, they crazy.

You got death threats. Seriously? Oh, she had to have security everywhere. She couldn't get off a plane without an escort through airports. Wow. Then their follow-up album was talking about all the hate mail they received and people telling them, mothers saying they wish they were dead. Ugh. Like, I mean, crazy shit that went on for years. That's so wild.

I mean, they're still super successful and came back with this huge Grammy winning album, but they were selling out giant arenas and stadiums and then still sell out really big things, but they were humongous. Then country radio boycotted them, it wouldn't play them. People were literally running over their CDs with power tools. Oh my God.

Craziness for that. And think about all the shit people talk now. That's crazy. It's So insane. I can think of a couple of songs. Well, Roxanne, I didn't know what that was about. What's that about? Fortune. Is it like a sex worker?

Yeah, you don't have to put on the red light, sell your something for money. Wow. Amsterdam? Yeah. And then Sweet Painted Lady by Elton John, that was also about a sex worker. It was like, he'll leave the smell of the sea in your bed, getting paid for being laid. I mean, it's pretty direct when you say it now,

but I used to love it as a kid, Sweet Painted Lady. Yeah. And then the one that I really used to sing a lot is Semi-Charmed Life by Third Eye Blind. I know all the words and it's all about crystal meth and I didn't realize. Oh. Yeah. Didn't know that.

It goes, the sky was gold, it was rose, I was taking tips of it through my nose and I wish I could get back there someplace back there. Oh. And the pictures you would take. Doing crystal meth will lift you up. Oh, this is again, very direct. Doing crystal meth. He says doing crystal meth. I guess I never do the words.

Doing crystal meth will lift you up until you break. And it says, I gotta get back there to the place where I fell asleep inside you. And I was like, fell asleep inside you. As a kid, I was like, I guess, I don't know. I guess he means his soul. Yeah. What about you, Fortune?

This is a newer song, but you know that Cake by the Ocean song? No. Oh, baby, baby. I wanna do, do, do, do, do, do, do. you know that cake by the ocean song? No. Oh, baby, baby. I want to do that. I know that. By the ocean. I don't.

It was played two, two years ago, three years ago, Joe Jonas's song. And it was like the most played song of all the songs. It was everywhere. I'm not doing a good job singing it for you. I disagree by the ocean. So everyone's just sitting, everyone's just like belting out the lyrics. It was basically about having sex on the beach. Guys.

Freaking sex on the beach. And we're just like thinking you're having cake. Oh my gosh. Is it cake? Is it gosh. Is it cake? You think you're eating cake. Is it cake or is it sex? Freaking sex. That's a new show, is it sex?

But you didn't have one as a kid where you were like loving it and dancing around and then you, as an adult, you're like, oh, I'm trying to Google songs from that time because for whatever reason. That's good for podcasting is a nice Googling. Guys, I like to be surprised by our questions so I can give you my like authentic response.

I didn't know what our question was today. I didn't do it. Well, good for you for knowing sexual songs. Yes, thank you. I feel like there must have been a lot of- Fortune was too much of a nerd as a kid. I know, I'm like, what did have a sexual connotation? There must have been a lot of Beatles songs about drugs.

I mean, well, I remember there was speculation that Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds was about LSD. Yes, and then they said, oh no, it was just a picture that Julian Lennon drew or something. Yes, and then they said, oh no, it was just a picture that Julie and Lennon drew or something. Yeah. Oh, I didn't know Genie in a bottle. What was that sexual?

Gotta rub me the right way, honey. Oh yeah, that would be the one then. I definitely was singing, you better rub me the right way. And I really thought it was about, you know, a Genie. Get that Genie out of there. I was like, I want a couple of wishes. I had no idea Christina Aguilera was being a freak. Yeah, yeah, classic her.

So that would have probably been mine. I was definitely belting that song out. Mm-hmm. I'm a genie in a bottle, baby. No, that was very horny, that one. Yeah, very horny. What about you guys? What did you already say?

Yeah, you were Googling, but I said Roxanne and sweet, fainted lady. Oh, I did hear those because I didn't know about Roxanne. Yeah. Should we hear what Tony said? Yeah, let's do it. So for me, I was in fourth grade.

So what does that make me like? Maybe I was eight. And a group of only two or three other girls and I danced in front of the whole class. Just made up a routine and danced to the Pointer Sisters. I'm so excited. I'm so excited and I just can't hide it. I'm about to lose control and I think I like it. Oh yeah. Yeah. Mortified. That's pretty tame.

It seems so innocent. But yeah, when you think about it, I'm shooting their horny. I wanna Google the rest of the lyrics. Pointer Sisters. I'm so excited. Pointer Sisters are trying to get something pointed in their sister. To their whole,

Fortune Marie. Fortune Marie. Fortune Marie. Okay, here we go. Here we go, okay. Yeah, oh my God, yeah, it's okay. Tonight's the night we're gonna make it happen. Tonight we'll put all other things aside.

Give in this time and show me some affection. We're going for those pleasures in the night. I wanna love you, feel you, wrap myself around you. I wanna squeeze you, please you. I just can't get enough. And if you move real slow, I'll let it go. I'm so excited. Oh, she's gonna orgasm.

Fortune. The Pointer Sister is going to orgasm. Yeah, no, this is definitely dirty. And to be in grade four, just really losing it. The problem is when there's a catchy song and you're not always aware of the lyrics. And those days were when you had, in order to see lyrics, you had to buy like a CD and they were in the sleeve.

Yes. You couldn't just Google it like I did now. Yeah, that's right. So yeah, you're just like, oh, this is a catchy tune. I'm so excited. We're all excited. Who doesn't want to have a great day of excitement, but you're not really paying attention

to like wrapping your legs around. There's no one singing the main part. They're singing the chorus. Yeah, yeah. And they're like, and this is us. I'm so excited. And I just can't hide it. Did you guys do lip syncs in front of your class?

Oh yeah. In front of class? I did one to It's Raining Men. Oh my god. No, no, no. I was very aware that was a horny song. How old were you? Can we hear it?

I might have been a little older, like high school, like 15, 16. That was a horny song. How old were you? Can we hear it? I might have been a little older, like high school, like 15, 16. And you were dancing with your friends? Oh, yeah. I need to see that. Temperatures rising. Stop. According to all sources, the streets the place to go. Cause tonight for the first time.

Just about half past 10. For the first time in history. It's gonna start raining men. It's raining men. And they were holding umbrellas. It's raining men. And then I bust through the umbrella. No. Yes. So you were the star. It's raining men. Oh then I bust through the, I'm real. No. Yes. No.

So you were the star. It's raining men. Oh, I was the star. Oh my God. Cause it was my brain child. That takes a lot of confidence. And where did you do this in front of your school? In front of a bunch of friends, yeah. Wait, at school as a performance?

No, at like a big party. Oh, okay. Is that when you got discovered and signed by your agent? I got signed by an agent. I did it, I redid it again in my 20s for friends in LA. Well, you're gonna have to redo that. And I wore a spandex outfit that time. Thomas put it on the list.

Guys, when we do our live holiday show, maybe Fortune needs it. We'll take you and I can have umbrellas. We'll of course forget that we said this. We'll totally forget. We'll show up and our fans will be like, wait, how come it's not raining men? Yeah.

We should do it's raining lesbians. Oh, good one, T. Could do. Yeah, in my 20s I had guys in short shorts holding the umbrellas. That's good, I'll do that. And I was in spandex. It was a low.

I mean, this is a performance that can be reintroduced in different eras of my life. Yeah, I think it's time. I think it's been enough time. I think it's the past time. It's gotta come back. It's raining men. And I sang to it so excited about these men raining.

I think your next stand up special should open with that. I did one in front of my middle school and all the other kids were doing like Spice Girls and stuff and I was so bossy and I made my friends do hair you know oh yeah you know something with hair long beautiful hair from the musical that musical is kind of a big orgy yeah maybe I was an early indicator but then I think the song morphed into everybody and Backstreet Boys, it was like a medley. But I do remember all the kids being- Oh, I think we call those a mashup. It was a mashup, but everyone was like disappointed

by Hair, the musical. Oh, yeah, because that's kind of a more obscure reference. Yeah, and it had to start with me alone on stage going, don't ask me why, I'm just a hairy guy. I was like, 11. I'm hairy high and low. The song most people know from hair is Age of Aquarius. Oh yeah.

This is a dawn in a valley, age of aquarius. Are we in the age of Aquarius now or what? What is the age of Aquarius? Yeah, what is it? Thomas, guys, would you like me to Google? May, I mean, you should be spitting out a May fact. Shit, you're so right. Age of Aquarius.

I'm searching the recesses of my mind. It's an astrological concept that refers to a period of time when the vernal equinox shifts into the sign of Aquarius. Oh, the vernal equinox shifts into the sign of Aquarius. Oh, the vernal equinox, yeah. The exact start and end of the age of Aquarius is debated, but some astrologers believe it began around the 20th century,

while others think it's still happening. I still don't know what it is. Yeah, me neither, no idea. Okay, guys, I'm gonna continue. Does it have to do with being an Aquarius? I'm gonna tell you, it's associated with traits like innovation, openness, and spirituality. It's also thought to mark a time of great change

with a shift in human consciousness and a move from me to we. We're definitely not in a we phase. No. We're definitely not in a we phase. No. We're definitely in a me phase. So I don't think we're in the age of Aquarius right now. But you don't have to be, the age of Aquarius isn't during the time period

when the Aquarius birth sign is. No, it's the thought of the age of Aquarius was kind of the 60s and 70s, kind of that hippie new age era. That's sort of the age of Aquarius was kind of the 60s and 70s, kind of that hippie new age era. That's sort of the age, that's considered the age of Aquarius. Okay, we are not in that. We had a chance, you know, like we got so close. It was like young people had all this power

and they could have mobilized into this serious movement. And then what happened, I think then like exploited of cult leaders and the government got involved and messed it up. Because there was, I think 1969, 250,000 young people ran away from home and went to Haight-Ashbury in San Francisco. That's a lot of people.

In one summer and it was like this huge, like they're out of the potential there, it's so huge. You would have done well that summer of 69. It was the summer of 69. Do you think I would have? I would have been like, can people stop smoking weed inside? God, I've got a headache.

I would have got scooped up by some cult leader fast. Oh, you would have 1000 for sure. In the cult or the cult leader. I don't think I would have let it. A sexual cult leader, not a bad, not one evil one, a corny one. No, deep down all I want is someone to come along and tell me what to do.

I think if some beautiful person had come up and been like, come with me, I see you, you're special. I'd be like, okay. We would never see May again. No, you'd never see me again. Even now. You never see me. Well, guys, we did it.

Wow, what a journey we've been on today. I've really enjoyed this. I have too. It was a treat for sure. Well guys, guess what? Our Holly Bob extravaganza is on the horizon. It is Saturday, December 21st. We're gonna be at Dynasty Typewriter.

It's a live show that you can stream from anywhere in the world. That link will be good for a week. We're gonna be in our home base. So all the tech will be super good and sharp, and we're gonna have, sounds like we've got a whole list of things that we wanna get to there.

Yeah, we got a lot going on. Yeah, we do need to put our heads together and make sure we follow through on some of, it's raining men. I've got some plans to surprise you guys. So get your tickets at dynastetypewriter.com or on our social media pages. And we will very much look forward to seeing you then.

And also, always important to subscribe to the podcast and the YouTube page and share your favorite episodes with friends. As a personal plug, I would love for people to keep watching my special, crushing it on Netflix. Yes. Streaming now. Thanks for all the fun comments. Yeah, that I'm so proud of it in my handsome pink suit.

And I announced a whole new big tour. So I'm doing a bunch of shows and clubs promote working on my new hour, I have Pasadena in Ontario, Oxnard, California, Irvine, California, and then a whole huge new theater tour starting April 1st. Oh my God, you never stop, girl. Never stop. Never stop. I love it though.

We've got some handsome live shows, right? In Nashville and Austin. Those tickets are going fast. In April. Yes. The first two weekends of April, we have Austin, Texas first, and then Nashville at the Ryman.

Oh my God, I can't wait. Those are gonna be big, fun, awesome shows. Seriously. Also, I wanna plug the audio version of my standup special, Hello Again. That is out and available for all. And it is, I mean, if you need a last minute Holly Bob present. Good gift.

Yeah, that is a good, I mean, why stop there? Get my book. I'm just a person. I have a book, guys, get that. It's a person. I have a book guys, get that. It's amazing, get it. It is amazing, get that. Well, I mean, this is basically right before Christmas. So I hope everyone has an amazing holiday.

Yeah. Hanukkah also falls, I think of the same time as Christmas this year. Yeah, get some rest. Stay off your phone, off Instagram and just, you know. Wander around. Wander around. Wander aimlessly.

Yeah. Hopefully Santa's good to you if you believe. If you believe. I think my son still believes. Yeah. Oh man. Well, until next time, huh? Keep it handsome.

Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tignotaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod.gmail.com. And please follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast. What a podcast. What a podcast! That was a hate gum podcast.

Handsome's, the audio version of my comedy special, Hello Again, is available everywhere just in time for the holidays. Go to Tignotaro.com to get a copy for you and a loved one now. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate First. Like you know to check for your favorite snacks and treats before checking out at the grocery store. Yeah, checking first is smart.

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