Handsome - Zach Cherry asks about wasting time

Episode Date: August 12, 2025

Zach Cherry (Severance, You) asks a question about having fun wasting time, something the Handsome hosts know all about! Plus Fortune unveils an incredible new character, "Tig a look at me now," and more!Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.comWatch Handsome on YouTubeThis is a Headgum podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok. Advertise on Handsome via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. It's Northbrook, Illinois. Handsome pot. Chatting my friends on the handsome pot. Chatting my friends on the handsome pot. Cheers. Guys, guys, wait, I just have to say, I heard the theme song, which I haven't been able to because of technical difficulties for a while.

And I heard it today. That's exciting. Yeah, and I'm one of your host, Tignotaro. Was it as good as you remember? Oh, my God. It was music to my ears. It's delightful, right? I'm one of your other hosts, May Martin.

And I'm the other host, Fortune Feamster, and welcome to the Handsapod. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like a bouncer right now in this shirt. Oh, boy, are we going to start flexing again? Yeah, we're going to... Look at the... Fortune! You want to get into this club?

You're going to have to come through me. That tough sentence kind of fell apart a little bit. You're going to have to come through me. This shirt has like short sleet, like really short sleeves. And did you choose it because your guns are growing? Yeah. I don't think I consciously chose it, but clearly my body was like that one. Show those guns off.

I feel like Danny and Greece. It's very like 1950s. I have to say I just did a photo shoot and a handsome listener who knew the the like a stylist or something sent a gift and it was a plain white Haynes t-shirt from 1952. Oh wow. Like what a well-chosen gift for me. That's a very good gift for you.

Right? And it's like tag still on it is from 1952. It's so James Dean. It's sick. And it's a nice fit? it is and it's got the shorter sleeves like that like uh to show the guns yeah right yeah wow i just got back from portugal guys yeah tell us how did it go i did i did the family vacay with my whole family my brother his wife my parents i don't we haven't been on a trip

together in like maybe 15 years all of us together since you went to see um what was it that your mother insisted you all stonehenge yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Yeah. Have you been to Portugal? I love Portugal. It's one of my favorite countries. Oh, my God, man. I was on this island, Sao Miguel, that was, I mean, it's like Iceland where there's, like, hot springs, geysers coming out of the ground and, like, volcanic rock, and it's super dramatic. Did I meet a handsome listener in Sao Miguel in Portugal? Yes, I did. You did? Wow. I'm waiting for me. Of course. It's mind-blank. like sitting waiting for my shrimp or whatever in a restaurant and someone went keep it handsome

that's cool yeah that was fun huh so fun and we did like a tour thing with this guide who we went to different hot springs where coming out of the earth was like one of them had sparkling water which I didn't realize like every like Perrier and those sparkling water things like it comes out of the earth bubbly it tastes like Fizzy, it was fizzy in my mouth And I just drank it straight from the earth I did not know this Yeah, and then he took a jug

And he filled it up with hot water Straight from the earth And then he made us like cups of tea And we drank tea straight from the water From the earth It was in the earth Do we do anything cool like that In the States?

I mean, there are hot springs But I'm not seeing a lot of tea I don't know if I want to drink the water From the earth in the States I'm not seeing a lot of jugs I'm not seeing a lot of jugs What kind of jugs we talk about? I knew that was coming, Fortune Marie.

Come on, I like jugs. Show me your jugs. Motor boat, so it was a good time, your vacation? Yeah, it was magical. We all regressed to, like, our child sells my brother and I. And, like, I haven't spent that much one-on-one time with my brother in years, so it was good. It was good. We talked a lot about World of Warhammer and history.

You know, it was sick. I actually just spent the weekend with my brother, Jay, and had not spent a weekend with the two of us because I, you know, I was married and he has, he's married with kids and rarely do we have any one-on-one time. And we both just happened to land in my hometown on the same weekend and spent two days together. And it felt like childhood all over again. And it was like, whoa, like where he was beating you up. He wasn't beating me up. Not with those guns. Not with these guns now, but we, like, went and played top golf and went to a movie.

We hung out. What movie? Like, we went to Superman. Nice. It is such a trip to be, like, an adult hanging out with your sibling. It was pretty nice. And also, like, the intimacy of, like, waking up in the morning and seeing someone in their pajamas and, like, having your cereal with your...

Yeah. Like, we did just, yeah, and we watched, we watched a movie that we liked when we were kids. We, on Netflix one night, we watched Legend. Have you ever seen that? Is that the Will Smith movie? No, it's, okay. Oh, that's I Am Legend. That's I Am Legend.

This is like a weird 80s fever dream of Tom Cruise, he's 19. Tim Curry plays Satan, and then it's all in like the woodland forest with gnomes and elves, and it's mystical, and it's so bizarre. and I mean it's really like how did this get made it's it doesn't make sense like it's really crazy it's all about a unicorn losing its horn and and then sounds like hell yeah and then I see at the end it was directed by Ridley Scott oh and then I Google it it was he made alien and then he made legend and then he made Blade Runner so I'm like what happened in between Alien and Blade Runner This was a passion project. Yeah, that's what it felt like.

It felt like one of those, like, 80s kind of cocaine fever dreams where people just went a little nuts. It could have been. Yeah. Yeah. Does anyone take cocaine and then just nothing? Is that how it works? You take it? All right.

I just revealed that I've never taken cocaine. It's funny talking about brothers. I'm about to be with my brother. wife and his kids and so we're about to have a little family time not one-on-one but I mean you know our families together so are you are you guys going somewhere or he's coming to you guys we're meeting up and then just doing some you know whatever he has a one-year-old and a three-year-old so it seems like you know it's not going to be it'll probably be around the little cubs you know gotcha but yeah so a lot of brother time

between the three of us. Yeah, seriously, yeah. Yeah. Big fan of brothers in general. Yeah. One thing, because my brother is a historian, and one thing he told me, like going anywhere with him, you get the whole context of that place in history,

and like he just has this crazy memory. And anyway, but he told me that when they discovered the Azora Islands, which are kind of in the middle of the Atlantic, like they're as far from Europe as they are from Nova Scotia. and they were sailing and then they found and they imagine you've got very little food you're on these horrific ships like crowded and and you got scurvy and stuff and then they find these like paradise islands were so beautiful nothing's there there's no even natural predators there it's like just birds and anyway but because of the hot springs coming out of the earth they thought it was a portal to hell and they were so stressed that they were like don't stop here because it smells like sulfur like and I guess in the Bible it says that hell smells like sulfur and stuff so they were like oh fuck this and they left is that the actual line hell smells like sulfur yeah in the Bible by fuck this fuck this that would be a scary portal to come

across is the is a portal to hell oh yeah you don't want that no you seen buffy no no I haven't wait what I know I feel like a terrible game Oh, my God. I didn't know that was gay. What do you mean gay? I think lesbians were obsessed with Buffy back when at first aired. In the beginning, right? It was gay in the way that like in the 90s you would grasp on to anything even vaguely alternative as gay.

But then it became explicitly gay when Willow, one of the main characters, got a girlfriend in the later seasons. That was big for me. Which was more uncommon back then, right? Very uncommon. Yeah, it was shocking. And then who was the star of Buffy? Sarah Michelle Geller. I didn't know that.

Who never won an Emmy for Buffy. And truly this performance, I mean, you've got to watch it, Teg. I bet actually when they're a bit older, the boys would like it. It's so good, so well written. She carried that show. I could go on and on. You know, years ago, I'm sure I've mentioned, I used to work for the director, Sam Ramey's company.

and we produced, when I say we, I answered phones, terribly. Zina, Warrior Princess. And that was one of those very huge, huge lesbian following. Yeah, which then I feel like the writers kind of listened to that. And then in the later seasons, like, sort of canonized that Zena. Did you watch that? Of course, every episode. Okay. I didn't watch it either.

Yeah. The fact that you know Lucy Lawless like blows my mind. Yeah. Well, I remember you were like, you got to get Lucy and I'll be able to get her no problem. I just keep forgetting. Thomas, put that on the list. Put it on the list. Maybe I can get Sarah Michelle Geller.

That would be great. Okay. Yeah, why not? Yeah, why not? Yeah. I'm with fortune. Yeah, why not? Yeah, why not?

She's cool. Uh-huh. I also finished memorizing all the capital cities while I was away. Do you want to talk to Finn? Yes, please. Yes, please. I want to talk to him about how hard the South Pacific is. Okay.

And then there's also a new game that Finn likes to play, which is name any position or whatever on any baseball team, and he'll tell you who the player is. Oh, my God. Any single one. That's pretty crazy. I wonder, like, if he feels like, because for me, I'm just desperate for there to be a situation where I need this knowledge.

Like, I want to be in a bar on a hot date. And there's like a trivia game going on in the corner. And then one of the questions is like, can you name all the capital cities of the world? And I'll be like, yeah, no problem. But it never happened. You're like, yeah, no problem. Let me call Finn. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That stuff will come in handy at some trivia night at some point. It will. I was shocked when, especially when you go back to Toronto, I was shocked when I was filming in Toronto how many trivia. nights there were around the city. Yeah, it was so big in England where there were like vicious trivia teams. I'd go every week to this one and like my team, we had enemies of this other team. And it started because somebody brought their dog into the pub and then someone on the other team complained and said, I hate dogs. This was a Labradoodle that we're talking

about. And I was like, they're my enemies, this team. And then they'd like accuse us of cheating if we beat them. It was kind of the focus of my life. for a good four years. That is hilarious. Yeah, their quiz team was called the taking part. And we were like, what? They were just taking part of the evening. The taking part. And we're like,

take you apart. Our, ours was like butts and dicks or something. Buts and Dix United. Also great. Buts and dicks. Divided. How about that? Yeah. You're back in the closet. You're still away. Yeah, I'm in the closet. feels good to be in the closet. I've been working out. I'm trying to compete with everybody's

guns. Yes. And I don't think I can. I am bench pressing 15 pounds. I'm bench pressing a bar that has no weights added at this point. Okay. You got to start there. Yeah. You do. You have to start somewhere and I have started there. God, and you know what I have to say that's also been a fun surprise is my trainer is, you know how sometimes you'll work closely with somebody and then whether they're familiar with you or getting familiar with you, there's like a heightened change in their personality where it's a little uncomfortable to be that working that close with them, maybe. Do you know what I'm saying? In what way? Like they're polished? Like they're...

I don't know. I desire a normal relationship with people. I don't want anyone to treat me like I'm above them. Oh, I see. Or more interesting than they are. Or I just want to talk to them and do whatever activity we're doing. And, you know, and she is just, just, has been so great and just so normal and and wonderful to be around and also with the loss of Andrea like she's experienced a lot of just grief and trauma in her life and it's just been a nice kind of connecting experience for me yes and and I just feel very lucky that nothing has shifted You know, we had the relationship where she wasn't familiar with. She didn't recognize me.

And then I guess when I left the gym, other people in the gym recognized me. And then she looked me up and was like, oh, I've seen you. It just didn't click. But nothing changed. She just was doing her job and we just talked. And she would be like, oh, I watched your show. and then just had questions or comments about it, and then I lifted my 15-pound bar.

Right. So it was just nice that that just remained normal. Yeah, that's good. You know how sometimes people get nervous? They want to make you laugh, and they think that that's the only way you can connect is if they, like, come on strong and they're funny. Are they nagging you?

Or, like, yeah. Whatever it is. It's just like, I just love that nothing shifted, and we're just lifting very lightweights. and just talking about grief. Yeah, she didn't come in with like a bar with two rubber chickens on the end of it. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know to check the instructions when you're building that flat pack furniture,

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Experience the new standard in shapewear with honey love. But yeah, and it's that nice kind of level of workout where you feel that you've worked out, but you're not like, oh my God, I can't lift my legs. I don't like that kind of workout. I know. I'm past those days of having my ass kicked. I like to have my ass kicked, but I don't like to have my ass kicked, but I don't like that says about me. Well, you're younger than us, so you can still get your ass kick for a little bit

longer. But also, personal trainers, I mean, so many people act as, like, therapists when they don't know they have to. Like, during filming, I had that, I had a personal trainer during filming wayward, and oh my God, I'd be like crying as I was lifting weights, and he's, and, but they know about the body, too, so they're really, and if they're a good trainer about breathing and stuff, so So, yeah, I do recommend, I mean, get a therapist as well. And I have a therapist, but now I have just a nice person to talk to while I'm lifting very lightweights. Yeah.

I need to get a trainer. I got a great one. I will send a way. But I did in a... But I got to go to a gym? No, no. They'll come to you. Oh, interesting.

In Portugal, there was a pool, and I said to my family, I'm going to tread water and make a video. No way. I said, I'm going to make a video of it. send it to take and fortune i started and i was like i can't i don't i gave up i gave up after how long oh five minutes like i oh no yeah but it was like part it was part boredom part part like cardio i was just like oh this is tough but the intention was there but maybe that's time i love that you were going to try yeah yeah now here's my question if somebody was like you have to do one

hour or else we will kill you. Yeah, then I'm, then I'm, those stakes are high. You could, you could, you could do it. Yeah, yeah. Oh, you have those guns. You could for sure do it. I could do it, I think. What I couldn't do is, um, hold my breath. Like, um, if someone said, you're going to die unless you can hold your breath underwater for like two and a half minutes. I don't know. I don't think I could do that either. Yeah. You'd have to get real zen. What I do with the treading water that helps is I play a podcast on the side of the pool. Yeah. So that I'm not focused on being tired.

I'm just listening to the podcast. Yeah, I do that with TrueCrown and working out. But lately, I've been getting the pool in the morning. It's a nice way to wake up. Yeah. I've been getting in the pool and making my breakfast and then I eat my breakfast in the pool. Oh, my gosh. And then I'm having such a delightful time eating my breakfast and I just like start scrolling on my phone.

And so I'm like, the next 30 minutes, I'm just hanging on the pool, eating, scrolling. And then I'm like, oh, crap, I got to tread. And then so I'm only been treading for like 30 minutes because I've only had an hour total. And wait, aren't you supposed to not swim if you've eaten if you just ate? I don't know, but I think that's not true. Now, what is your breakfast? A bowl of cereal? Please say yes.

Uh, no, it's like eggs or, I'm not going to create, I'm trying to eat at home right now because I've been traveling a lot. So when I'm at home, I want to like eat better. So just like eggs or sweet potatoes or something like that. There's some like, I'm sure these aren't great for you, but Trader Joe's has some little gluten-free pancakes that are really good. Oh, I like those. The little silver dollar little ones. They're really tasty. Hey, I also, when I was away, I took.

some pictures of a menu in a restaurant I was in because there were some items on the menu that I don't know if this is just the English translation or they made me laugh so much. And I don't know what they are. And I don't want to know. I just want to imagine. But okay, so I like, I took a picture and I circled the funny one. So you got cow woodpecker. Mmm, delicious. I'll tell you what that is. That's, no, you're supposed to interrupt me and say you can't tell me, Tig, and you didn't. Wait, but do you really know? No, of course not. Oh my God, no, I don't want, I don't know. So we got cow woodpecker, pork woodpecker, regional rump in yeast cake. Ooh.

One, this is the most intriguing was just called run to the house. What do you think that is? Was there just, there was no description, it's just, I'll have the run to the house. That sounds like it might give you diarrhea. Yeah, I'll just say it sounds like the runs. Yeah, it's under the, in the meat section, and it's called Alcarra Acasa, run to the house. Run to the house. What did you get? I just got calamari. I'm always sticking with a calumari.

There's a lot of fish in Portugal, right? Yeah. I spent a lot of time in southern Portugal when I lived in Spain, and it was some areas were pretty remote, where we went to this little restaurant in the village, and they had goats in the back, and they were making the goat cheese right then and there, I think so those little goatey goats.

And it was delish. Like milking the goats? The milking the goats and making that goat cheese. Putting it right on the table. Oh my God. You can make goat cheese that fast, just right out of the goat? That's what they told me. If they lied, then it worked because I was like,

best goat cheese I've ever had, so fresh. Just goat cheese falling out of the goat right onto your plate. Oh, or maybe it wasn't like, I don't, maybe, you know, They're making it in batches, but you got one batch from yesterday's milk. I feel like it takes a while for... Probably. I just don't ask questions. Clearly.

They just were like, it's from that goat out there. And I was like, great. Love it. I'm very excited in my little vegan world. I found some vegan blue cheese, and I used to really enjoy blue cheese burgers. Yeah. And so I'm going to make a blue cheese. impossible burger.

Ooh, that'll be tasty for you. And you like the vegan blue cheese taste it good? I haven't tried it yet. But I had this really funny experience where Stephanie and I, this was several years ago, but we were at Sarah Paulson's birthday and she had gotten, and I'm assuming it was just for us, a little vegan cheese plate. And I was eating it. turned to this woman that I'd just been casually talking to, and I said, oh, my gosh, this cheese is so

good. Try this. And the woman took a bite. And then she turned to me and she said, how long have you been vegan? And I said, oh, I've been vegan, like, you know, whatever it was at the time, six years. And she's like, okay, because this doesn't taste anything like cheese. Whoa, you've forgotten. She's like, I mean, truly my mind was blown. I was like, this is so incredible. And I mean, Stephanie, I think we were the only two vegans there.

And we were just scarfing it down, mind blown. And that woman, I mean, we might, yeah, it was. So I don't know if the blue cheese is good. I'll probably think it is. I've had some amazing vegan cheese. Yeah, there's a really, Well, there was one at the Farmers Market in Studio City for years, and then they stopped selling it, but it was like this spreadable cheese with some kind of like cayenne or something in it, and it was so good. Yeah.

I mean, they can make, people think of vegan cheese as just like the, you know, kind of plasticy grocery store cheese, but you can really get some incredible vegan cheeses, especially at like gourmet places. Yeah, like specialty places or like, yeah, specialty places or like farmers markets and anyway, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, so I'll let you know how the blue, that used to be my favorite kind of burger was a blue cheese burger. Yeah. Well, let us know, we were going to need an update on our next podcast, please. Oh, my goodness, who is this character? This character. Who is this?

I don't know, but I'd really like an update about your blue cheese on burger. I'm just a woman that loves vegan cheeses And I really like to know How there's blue cheese taste on your burger I mean I hang in vegan circles And I have never met you I'm a new vegan I'm new to town

And new to veganism Where did you move from I moved from Cincinnati Oh really And what's your Vegans there What is your name? Amelia

Hi Amelia Hello, Amelia. It is such a pleasure to meet you. I just figured in the big city I should try a vegan because there's more opportunities. And when I say it's a pleasure to meet you, I of course mean it's a pleasure to plant-based meet you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I'm excited for the salads that will grace our tables because I'm moving in with you, right? Oh. Not with me. Our house is full. No, you can move in with me. You can move in with me.

I need to move in with someone. So you came from Cincinnati with no plan. No plan whatsoever. Okay. And I notice you're wearing a lot of badges on your backpack here. A lot of... I used to be a girl's scalp. Right.

Okay. I also, what I'm noticing more than anything, is that your accent doesn't match Cincinnati. Can you explain that? I've lived in many places and many lives. I'm not from Cincinnati. I just move from there. Oh, and how old are you?

Oh, God. 12. 53. And I really love to live with one of you. Well, it's going to be May. Yeah. It's going to be me now. Is May a vegan?

No. Then I cannot be with May. Oh, no, I am. I'm going to need to live with you, TIG. No, no, no, no, no, no. No. No, I insist. No, Penelope, I'm sorry.

It's Amelia. Whatever, you cannot. Okay, well, I'll get your address online. No, you won't? I'm sure I will. Okay. Well, I'm moving. Love her.

And I'm calling the police. I got to go. Oh, good. It's already a warrant out for Amelia. Oh, wow. Wow. What a fun little visitor we had there that we hope to never see again. Should we hear from our question asker before Amelia comes back? Yeah, let's, although I honestly think it should be a segment every episode.

We should have a visitor, not necessarily Amelia. One of us just has to go over the character. Yeah, one of us has to get a character, yeah. All right, next pod. One of y'all has to bring somebody. Yeah. I'm excited about today's question asker because I just met him in Nantucket. I did a panel with him and I was already such a fan because I'm a huge fan of Severance, the TV show. And I met him and his amazing wife and I became friends with her and we were doing watercolor paintings on the beach and they're just such nice people. Of course you were.

Of course you were. So I'm really excited. Today's Emmy nominated question asker is best known for playing Dylan and Severance. He also plays Ethan and You, Woody and Fallout and voiced Wolf on Duncanville. Zach Cherry is asking today's question. Nice. Nice. Hi, handsome pod. I have a question which may or may not be relevant to how I've been spending my recent few days. What is a way that you could easily just waste like 10 hours? And I say waste because I don't mean like spend time with or loved ones or, you know, something good like that. I mean, just like you're in a room and you get to choose one kind of activity. It could be a hobby or it could be just like something mindless that you could easily

spend 10 hours doing. So nothing productive. Yeah, like. Summer is winding down. And that's a little bittersweet, but there's also something nice about settling back into more of a regular routine. Being home more often is a chance to really reflect on my space and my style. And that's where Wayfair comes in. From bedding and linens to storage solutions for every room in the house, Wayfair is your one-stop shop. You can refresh your workspace with desks, bookcases, office chairs

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Hulu Anime Ham, your animation destination. And stream now on Hulu on Disney Plus. For Hulu and bundle subscribers, terms apply. If you love comedy, conversation, and hearing famous people get a little too honest, you'll want to check out Armchair Expert. Every Monday and Wednesday, hosts Dax Shepard and Monica Padman, sit down with actors, comedians, scientists, really anyone interesting for honest, curious, and hilarious conversations about life.

But some of the funniest moments, they come from listeners. Every Friday, Dax and Monica listen to outrageous, awkward, and deeply human stories from fans on the phone in real time on their Armchair Anonymous series. From disastrous dates to family secrets, accidentally joining a cult, and a poop disaster you won't believe. They've heard it all. It's relatable, chaotic, and laugh out loud funny. Follow Armchair expert on the Wondry app or wherever you get your podcast. and subscribe to Armchair Expert on YouTube. Like a kind of self-soothing thing maybe, like the thing that comes to mind for me

is kind of the capital city's thing or like memory. That seems productive. Oh, yeah, I guess, yeah. Yeah, that caveat is a little hard because I just, I thought it was like, how could you spend your waste 10 hours, whatever it is. I guess if productivity comes from it, that's, I guess that's fine.

Yeah, yeah, like, um, anything goes. It's like something that's something that you can get so fixated on that you, you lose track of time and you're on your own just in your little world. Like, uh, like people play video games or like, yeah, interesting facts. Oh, you know what? You know what I've done before when I've been on, this is a little embarrassing. I've been on flights where like there's no internet and then I'll, I mean, something positive comes from it. But have I told you about my to-do list where I move things? I'll make a list of things

that I want to accomplish. And it's not like go to the dry cleaners, any of that kind of stuff. It's like big picture to-do list in life. Okay. And then once I do that, I move it to another level, which is that it's done. Then there are, and then I keep that list so I can keep track of the progress that I've made. And then I also have this part of the list that is things that I am that are up next. Like there's things that I am actively working on, then there are things that I am that are, that I'm not putting my focus on next, but they are next in line. Yeah.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. And so I keep track and I move things to the next whatever. I've done that. I think I really enjoy lists. Yeah. And I also made a bucket list. Oh, yeah.

Nice. I do these on flights. Nice. Yeah, where I'm just like, oh, another thing that I can I can get lost in on flights without internet is I'll go through all of my photos and videos and I'll do favorites, you know? Oh, yeah. Yeah, where I'm like, clean up your phone situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's juicy. And I've, and I've had moments where I've thought, I've been curious what people think I'm doing because, you know what I mean?

Like, I'm just looking at, I guess it's not that weird of a thing, but it feels vulnerable when I'm just going through personal pictures and liking things and moving them, deleting, liking. Oh, man, but you must get off that flight feeling so organized. Like you've made your lists. You've organized your phone. Yes. That feels good to me.

Yeah. On the flight from Portugal, on the way home, I did watercolors on the plane for the first time. And I thought, of course you did. Yeah, but I thought I've never doing it. on the plane? Yeah, on the plane. And it attracts too much attention. I didn't. Because you have all this, all this like art supply situation around you. I'm spilling. I'm like, I've got, you know, I have water in the pens. That was actually, Zach's wife taught me about putting water in the pens, these special ones. But no, it was crazy. And every, every one that walked by made a comment. And I was like, I can't, I can't do this.

What about you, fortune? Well, we know. Wait, did you have your. a propeller hat on? Please say you did when you were painting. It was really that vibe. Yeah. Just real quick, I had such a propeller hat type moment the other day when I was buying a belt for this photo shoot. And the guy had been giving me kind of attitude throughout. Like he was like, I don't think we have any menswear in your size kind of when I came in, basically. And so I was already like pissed off. Then I go to buy the belt and he goes, this is probably going to be too big for you. I go, no, that's the belt I want. He goes, do you want to try it? At first, I thought all belts were the same size, so I kind of tried.

It's way too long. Like, I won't be able to wear it. And it's expensive, too, but I had to double down and buy it. And as I'm buying it, I hear my, because he goes, you want us to order you, a smaller one? I go, no, I want this one. And then I go, and then as I'm leaving, I go, my dad. I'm what I came for. I go, my, showed him.

The most embarrassing thing was I go, my dad has a leather bore. So I was basically, my dad can make additional holes in the belt. whole. What an embarrassing thing. My dad has a leather door. It's going to have an extra flap that long. Yes. Anyway, you just send it around your waist two times. Yeah. Because it would just be like in the moment too embarrassing for you to just be like, no, that's not the one. Yeah, I just You were right. Yeah, exactly. I was wrong. Yeah. And the fact that my revenge on this kind of rude man was just to insist on spending money in his store. It's crazy. Now, is it hard for you to admit that you're wrong because, but I'm, I guess I'm saying, I'm asking because I actually wouldn't have pegged you as somebody who would be.

It was more like I'd spent 45 minutes in this store and I was like, I got to leave with something or else I've just wasted. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm just saying like in personal relationships, you know, because that's that really, you can admit that you're wrong. Yeah, totally. Even when I'm not, just to keep my teeth. I was going to say, you don't strike me as somebody that's going to just like not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you just don't like the conflict.

Yeah. She's like, it's all me. I'm bad. I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah. Stephanie and I do this thing where we go, you're sorry. That's really funny. That's cute.

Does that help kind of dissolve some tension? Oh, yeah. We're very used to you're sorry. But anyway, I was just, I would have been surprised and fascinated if you were a double-down. A double-downer? Yeah, yeah. Well, that's different, a double-downer. Yeah.

But, no, it would have surprised me if you... Thank you. Thank you. That's a good quality. No, thank you. Yeah. Everybody, it is important for everybody to take accountability. Yeah.

I mean, I've been still watching Queer Ultimatum. I don't know if Queer Old Tomato, if you're watching Queer Old Tomato. I finished it, yeah. Yeah, me too. Oh, my gosh. I talked to Stephanie about it after we first, after we talked about it. She was like, I've told you about that show. You have to watch it?

Yeah, I think she said, yeah, I don't know. She'd only watch one season. Yeah. And she was like, also, we know the. producer. No way. Yeah. And I was like, somehow I missed all of that. And now I'm interested. And she's like, oh my God. That's so funny. Yeah. She was like, I've told you. I wanted to watch it. You're like, well, my unfortunate told me so now I'm in. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, I don't know. Somehow it just didn't, I just didn't take it in. And I think it was like as soon as I hear reality show or

something, I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. And you had my full attention. And I, I, I just didn't. heard it and I was and and I've already forgotten about it but now that we bring it up again I I actually am like we need to watch that yeah queer old tomato I would be curious to hear your thoughts on it because it is a interesting look into people's psyche well what makes me laugh is like and I feel like this is quite a kind of queer thing but like the methods that people come up with within their relationship to navigate communication and conflict and these are you know mainly queer women who are so fluent in like attachment styles and things like that. And it's just so funny the way it's like, well, you know, when she's triggered,

I then, you know, she presses a button and then I know it's time to get the guitar and we take a pause. It's like crazy. That's hilarious. Funny the way they like facilitate each other's triggeredness. Yeah. Yeah. But Fortune, how would you waste ten? I mean, I know Best Fiends is a thing.

That one, that one's a good for an airplane. Yeah. I'm trying not to do it at home very much. It's a little game that May and I play on our phones. Gosh, you know what? It's funny. I work crazy hard. I'm like, my calendar would make most people have heart palpitations.

So I know I'm a productive person in life, but I can also waste time so easily, if given the opportunity. I could waste time in so many different ways. Yeah. Let's hear it. I could, I could sit in the pool or the hot tub for hours. Oh my God, I'll sit in the hot tub for three hours. Yeah, I'll be a raisin. I don't care. I will sit there and sit there and sit there and sit there and sit there. I'll go through different times of like talking in the phone or scrolling through the phone or staring into space or talking to myself out loud. I'd love to hear that, especially if it's Amelia's voice. Yeah, so many different iterations of that. If I'm in water, I'm fine.

I could be there forever. Okay, and then I'll get out and pee and come back in. You don't just go in the hot tub? No, I want to sit in my own pee that's been being jettled around me. But I just read, if you pee in the shower, then you're saving 2,500 liters of water a year just by once a day peeing in the shower instead of the toilet. Well, all right. Mayfact. May fact.

I could also waste time by just sitting and watching terrible television or good television. But there's something better about terrible television. I know. It's like you don't have to think about anything. Yeah. Yeah. How else? Oh, I could, similar to TIG, when I'm on a plane, I could for hours go through old photos

and delete photos just like ad nauseum. just like because you know we all take like for whatever reason when people take pictures you take like 10 in one setting yeah of one of one picture you're like I don't need these I only need one I don't need 10 yeah so I got to go erase the nine yeah but I can do that for hours uh erase the nine sounds like another dish on a Portuguese menu Run to the house. Erased the nine. Yeah.

I think that's a pretty good time wasting. Yeah. Like a drive forever. I love driving. I could be in a car for hours listening to songs and podcasts going in and out. What podcasts do you listen to? Only handsome. Yeah, yes, of course.

I just listened to ourselves. That was a trick question. Then you passed. You know, the true crime ones. Yeah. Yeah. I go out of my favorite murder and some of the other ones. Or, you know, some of our stand-up friends have podcasts.

I'll listen to some of theirs, see what they're up to, some serious XM shows. And then just a little Pandora station of, like, different, you know, Brandy Carlisle or Tay Swift or people like that. Florence in the Machine. Do you sing along? Oh, come on now. Any other stupid questions? Have you met me, May? I'm singing along, my friend.

I haven't sang on here in a while. One of the most popular Brandy Carlyle tunes right there. Have you met me, May? If you met me, May. Oh, man, there's only like one or two songs that have the name May in it, and I treasure them. What are they? Maggie May. Dirty Maggie May, they have taken you away.

And also, um, Goo Goo Dolls slide. Oh, me, you want to get married, a runaway. That, oh my God, I was like 13 and saw them live and he said my name. Oh, tingles. Not a lot of TIG in songs. No. Oh, except take a look at me now. Tiggle bitties.

Wow. Take old bitties. That's a song, right? Yeah. Take a look at me now. That's, um, that's, uh, Phil Collins. Yes Take you look at me now

That is a stellar tune That could be Your next special could be called TIGA look at me now But it won't be made She leans It's in that vein Yeah

She leans Yeah I am leaning right now too Fortune Fortune songs Not one that comes to my mind Thomas Google it up

I'm trying to think of a pun, like a... Some punties. Punties. Those are panties with puns on them. Yeah. No, I know. Wait, Thomas is typing. Fortunate Son by CCR.

Somebody sing it. I don't know it. You don't know Fortunate Son? TIG knows it. No. TIG, sing to me. No, I will not sing it, but it's one of my favorite credens clear water revival songs i know i know it if someone's saying it um Thomas

do you want to play a little um it's so good oh wait you're gonna sing it you're gonna sing it okay does it sound familiar we're not gonna pay for the clearance hey me i'm no senator's son oh it ain't me it ain't me okay i know it i know it i know it now I was asking you to play the actual song. I was asking you to do that terrible rendition, Thomas. I'm worried about getting a copyright strike on that. We don't want to strike on the old YouTubers. Is that how it works?

You get strikes? Don't do that again. You get two more strikes, baby. Should we hear what Zach has to say? Yes, we should. Yeah. I mean, it could be a lot of things. You know, I really do love sorting things.

If you gave me like a big pile of papers on the right day, if the AC was going, I could sort papers for 10 hours or, you know, read a good book. Unfortunately, lately I've been really wasting a lot of time playing the computer game SIV 7. And it's, it is ruining my life a little bit as we speak. So, yeah, you throw me in a room with that for 10 hours and I blink. and it's over. And also, I just, I hope that you don't like hang on to this video for a long time because it already sounds embarrassing and insane to be playing this game as much as I am. But if this doesn't, if this, you know, if you drop this in 2027 when this game is old and obsolete, then I'll look even more insane. So that's what's going on with me. How did you spend your 10 hours? I honestly can't think of anything more dreadful than sorting through papers. Really? No.

Yeah, I don't want to sort through papers either. No, two against one, get the hell out of here. No, I think I get it. Yeah, I get it. It was interesting that he specified with the AC going. But he's like, I don't want to be hot doing that. Yeah. No, I like the idea of sorting papers.

Oh, can we stop talking about it? Sure. You already. It's just making you feel really bad. Oh, by the way, TIG. I was with a friend who loves zombie movies. And another friend was like, oh, you should watch Army of the Dead. And I was like, TIGs in it. And they had never seen it. So we watched Army of the Dead. You watched that? I mean, I had seen it when it came out. Oh, you did? But these friends hadn't seen it. And so I. I watched you be all tough and sexy go on say it yeah and sexy was the next word I thought you were acting a little shy today around TIG there she is she's a movie star you did great you look super sexy thank you in your army well it was like a pilot's yeah onezy yeah a pilot one Z with your cigar way to make it sound sexy

me and my pilot onesie I'm going to watch it I love that genre so much I just saw 28 years later in cinemas Oh I wouldn't watch that too in the cinema I thought it was weird But you must have been into it

I loved it But it was weird You did? Yeah yeah There were dongs everywhere There were some don't There were TIG you don't understand There were all these zombie

Creatures with just The biggest dongs running around, flopping around. Fortune. There was one. Okay, one giant zombie dong. But there were other floppity flops happening too. Well, that's why May was into it.

Oh, I was 11. I think May was into it because it had a British sensibility. Do you like the first two? You like? I like the other ones, but this one was like, what's happening? And then the ending was so weird to me. And I was like, what is this? Oh, I could talk for, yeah.

Let's talk off. part about the ending. Okay. Now, if we can go back to Army of the Dead. Yes, we can, sexy. Thank you. How great of a job did Zach Snyder do green screening me into that entire movie? It was crazy.

I mean, and his special effects people. I mean, you would never know. I mean, I'm just. Yeah. I mean, for people that don't know, I replaced somebody and I filmed that movie alone with Zach. How long did it take you to film? I don't know, a few weeks. Oh, okay.

I'm going to watch it tonight. You haven't seen it? No. You're in for a tree, our little tig-y-tig. Are there any dongs? Do you think you're sexy, may? Yeah, you think you're the sex pot around here. Just wait until you see you, too.

Are there any dongs in it, though? No don't. I hope not. Otherwise, I wouldn't have taken the job. Right. No don't. Anyways. I'm not going to get a

like a PlayStation or something like that because I'm worried about what Zach's talking about that it would just ruin my life I think I'd get really into it because I wasn't allowed to play video games growing up and then when I was like yeah but when I was like 16 living on my own I got a Super Mario brothers

and it was like oh that's why I wasn't allowed it because I think I played it for 12 months for 24 hours a day Dang. I see. Got hooked. Got hooked. Yeah. And are you still into game, into video games? No, I don't, well, I don't have, I have my VR headset. Do you use that? I went through a phase because there's a Star Wars game on it that by the end of playing this game, it's like a four-hour narrative game. You feel like you've grown as a person. Like you defeat Vader, you discover that you have the force, you're in Star Wars. And so that I would recommend. But no, I think I think I've.

too addictive of personality I think I played him as a kid you did yeah I only know how to play like Pac-Man and Donkey Kong and asteroids and I have that multi-cade game down here in my house

I'll end up arcade game with all those on it well I'll be right over yeah if you're ever selling that I'll buy that for me fortune I am not ever selling it sure someone sold it to me and I think she regretted it immediately And do you ever play it

When you're treading water? I don't ever play it But I love that I own it Because it's so vintage It's so rare Yeah And Jacks didn't really want it In this new house

Because it doesn't really go With anything But I was like I am not selling this thing I think I should get one It's gonna be like trucked with me Wherever I go

I like that I play occasionally It's very loud Because it's an old game and they just didn't have volume controls. Yes. So when you play, it's like, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, you know that.

It didn't come with Bluetooth. It did not. You don't have to put quarters. You don't have to put quarters in it, though. No, no quarters. Do you just bang it on the side like Fonzie and then it starts? You just start playing, baby. It's right there.

Go walk up. It's got the quarter slots. Did you notice? Fortune just called me baby because she saw me in Army of the Death. Everything's shifted since then. Everything's changed. There's a full-on vibe. Yeah.

I'm scared to watch it myself. I'm scared for you, too, as well. Come give me a kiss. Come give me some sugar tea. As long as you're not Amelia. Yeah, Amelia. Amelia's on her way to your house right now. If she is, she better bring that video game.

You said it goes everywhere you do. he's walking down the street pushing that thing pushing it in a baby stroller for some reason bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo well what a treat you guys what a podcast really what a podcast what a podcast what a podcast a pleasure as always i think we've said everything there is to say other than what we've got going on uh-huh well i also want to mention to please share this episode with a friend if you want him to join the handsome community. Subscribe, rate, review. I know I say it all the time, but if you haven't, just take one second.

Just one second. Subscribe. We also have a YouTube channel. Subscribe to that. Rate, review, tell a friend, share an episode. This is an incredible community we've built, and we're very thankful for it. Yeah, we want to keep it going, keep it going, keep it growing. Going and growing, y'all.

We want to be a grower, not a shower. That's right, Fortune, Marie. That's what he said. I'll be in West Hampton Beach, New York, August 17th. I'll be in Provincetown, Massachusetts, August 23rd, Dynasty typewriter, September 21st, Beaurevage, Resort and Casino, Biloxi, Mississippi, September 27th. And then the road goes on forever. Go to tignotaro.com to see where I will be. I got nothing live, I think, for the next little while, but check out SAP, my special on Netflix, or just go to maymartinmusic.com for cool updates.

You know I will. I know you're there every day. I'm at the Great Outdoors Comedy Festival on Spokane, August 23rd, and then September, a bunch of dates in San Antonio, Houston, Norfolk, Virginia, Richmond, D.C., Portland, Maine, Boston. Burlington, Vermont, Mobile, Alabama, New Orleans, and Atlanta. That's all coming up in the next couple months. So check those out. Let's have some fun in person, y'all. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Go to thehansompod.com for all of our wonderful, beautiful merch. And until next time, keep it handsome. Handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tignotaro, and Fortune Feemster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com, and please follow us on social media at HandsomePod.

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Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Hey, I'm Gareth Reynolds, and I have a new podcast on HeadGum called Next We Have. Now, this show is for people with short attention spans, which is everyone. I mean, you're probably trying to skip this ad right now, but don't. because you now legally have to listen to the show. That's how law works. Next we have is very simple. Each episode has three short segments.

For instance, Lisa Gilroy and I write insane revenge, Yelp reviews for callers who had bad experiences with a business. The Do Boys play a game called Meal or No Meal, and Steph Tolliv and I go head-to-head on a thought-provoking game called Guess That Sound. The show is as dumb as it sounds, and we probably have more fun than we should. But it's a great time, and you should listen or watch new episodes of Next we have every Thursday on YouTube or your favorite podcast app.