Happy Sad Confused - Ben Schwartz, Vol. III

Episode Date: December 19, 2024

Prepare for a wild ride through the brain of Ben Schwartz, one of the smartest and funniest guests on this podcast always. This time Ben is talking his new SONIC THE HEDGEHOG film but so much more including run-ins with Tom Cruise, Steven Spielberg, and Keanu Reeves. SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS! Uncommon Goods – Visit UncommonGoods.com/podcast/HappySad for 15% off BetterHelp -- Go to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠BetterHelp.com/HSC ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠for 10% off Check out the ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Happy Sad Confused patreon here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠! We've got discount codes to live events, merch, early access, exclusive episodes, video versions of the podcast, and more! To watch episodes of Happy Sad Confused, subscribe to ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Josh's youtube channel here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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during the Volvo Fall Experience event. Conditions apply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explorevolvo.com. What's your favorite third move? Do you miss MTV? I'm still employed by MTV. Do you miss Comedy Central? Literally did a shoot for MTV yesterday.

But what's wrong with your eyes? Prepare your ears, humans. Happy, sad, confused begins now. I'm Josh Horowitz, and today on Happy, Sad, Confused. Ben Schwartz is back. He's a Jedi master of improv. He's one of the funniest human beings. I know he loves to wave and move around weirdly.

And he is the titular, titular character in the mega franchise that is, Sonic the Hedgehog. Please, let me have my moment. You got it, of course. Finish Strong. And he stars in Sonic the Hedgehog 3, which is fantastic. He's back on the podcast where he belongs. Ben Schwartz, everybody. How are you?

Podcast, but a lot of video references, let me just say to begin, and I've seen you just get absolutely furious online. Yeah. People are stealing your headlines. They're taking things from happy, sad, confused, and they're releasing them. And then all I see, because I follow Josh, is him calling every publication out for stealing his things.

It'll be like, Paul Meskow really doesn't love Burger King. And he's like, and then he'll tag it and be like, thanks so much, variety. So I can't wait for us to blow something out of the water, someone steal it, and then I hope that you get to be like, hey, I was the one who did it. No, you're reading it the wrong way. I'm appreciative of all the trades. I'm keeping them in business. Wow.

acknowledge what's happening here we're going to break a lot of news today I can't wait how do you feel first though you are the titular character do you a lot of people who call me the titular like what's you enjoy that word titular like what's love the word I haven't heard it enough yeah yeah yeah I feel like that's not vernacular enough we should be saying titular all the time you have just come off of a live appearance on a CBS morning show just moments ago and then changed outfits for this yeah for you when you and you were in what a speedo and nothing else on that borat swimsuit on CBS morning talking about Sonic

And Gail is like, you sure you don't want to get changed? I was like, baby, I am changed. Which of the Sonic movies is Gail's favorite? Did she rank them? She, by the way, she came in beforehand. I've done Anthony Mason's sit-down interview with person. Of course, you're trying to be the next Anthony Mason. I love it.

He's great, yeah. I'm a big fan. I love Anthony Mason. That's the weirdest, like, obsessive Anthony Mason callout I've ever heard. I just think he's great. I want you to do the same thing on Drew Barrymore about me. I want it's like a chain. I just came from Josh Horowitz.

I love Josh Horowitz. Right. Today we're at the, you're at the second to last day of maybe a three-month press tour. And we're in New York and we haven't slept in weeks and it's this great feeling of like energy and the movies coming out in two days. So it's like, or when this is probably coming out in six months, but it's like this is for the DVD release. This is for the criteriaing closet release.

But so it's like, I'm very excited because you know you and I are actually friends and And we talk about movies on text message whenever we can. So whenever we can do this, I'm always excited. The movie is excellent. I'll say that for the record, because off-camera, it's meaningless. I know sometimes when the movies you don't like, and you never tell people that you don't like them. You know the secrets of this. Because I know you'll sell somebody, oh my God, I loved E.T.

He canonically hates E.T. I love E. Spielberg. By the way, Spielberg, love to do a movie with you. We never ran that podcast because it got awkward. Yeah. How is there a movie called The Fabelman's And I'm That. not cast in that.

How was there a movie with all Jewish people and I don't get the nod for that one? Did you get an audition? No. Have you ever auditioned for a Steven Spielberg movie? No, I would love to. The only Steven Spielberg run-in I've had, maybe I shouldn't say this, I think it's great.

I think you should. Because I love his daughter, who, by the way, is hilarious and a great singer, Sasha. But I was at JJ's office in Bad Robot and I was writing a screenplay for Universal. They say, right? Yep. And JJ's very kind and sometimes let me use offices,

but all of them are filled. So I took an assistants desk because they weren't there, and I was writing on an assistant's desk. And Spielberg had a meeting with JJ, and he came out and JJ because he's the best guy in the world. He says, Stephen, have you ever met Ben? And I say, oh my God, so nice to meet you. But he thought, I've been assistants to,

100 things, I've been interns to everything. But he thought I was an assistant there, and he's like, there were all these heads behind me, like the heads that sometimes, you know, when movies or TV, they blow up. And Stephen goes, what's it like to have all those heads there? First time I've ever sat in the desk, and I had to make a decision whether to commit,

that I stay at this desk every day. Right. Or I say, oh, no, actually, I'm writing a movie for the studio that you have a first look deal with. I hope you did the latter. Come on. I 100% committed that I was there as an assistant, because the assistants at Bedrollment are the best.

Well, I'm sure, but. And I said, they're staring at me all day. Got a little chuckle out of Stephen, and he left. And then I was like, oh, that's it. That's it. You need to know when to get out of these conversations. Only topped by the time I met Stevie Wonder,

and Don Cheetland, there's so many name drops. Don Ceddle introduced me to Stevie Wonder. He canonically cannot see. And so he can't see. And so he can't see me. And Don goes, this is Ben. Stevie thought he said, this is Matt. And he goes, Matt, so great to meet you.

And I've never committed so hard to being Matt in my entire. Oh, my God, Stevie. Thank you so much. Thank you for me, Matt, my given birth name. Yeah, Matthew, and I just made up a full name. I was committed. But he's my idol of all idols. Both are idols.

Talk to me a little bit about, OK. So I was trying to say you would just come from a live appearance. This is not live. I know you think it's live. It's not. We're not being broadcast live. Do you get nervous about any situation? situation, because I've seen you on grand, big stages.

You've come to a lot of shows. I love the shows. Can we plug the show? Ben Schwartz and Friends? Give it a review. Ben Schwartz and Friends is an improv show, and what happens then? It's the next level of improv. It's the ultimate.

There is no script. There are prompts. And it's just magic every night in a different way. We just interview somewhere at the beginning, and we do improv for an hour and a half off of one interview. And the whole thing is long form. The last time I saw it, you did two? Are you still doing the two thing?

We're going to try doing the two now. You saw the beacon. Yeah. The best. So my question is, do you ever get nervous? Obviously not for that, because you know how to do that. But, like, is there a circumstance that makes you nervous? You know what? I think, like, the first time I do something, like, probably at the beginning, okay, when I'm on stage, when I did Radio City Music Hall or something, that was a very big venue, when I go on stage, I'm very nervous for that. Because of 6,000 people. Right. I don't know if improv will work in that venue. It's the biggest venue ever played. I'm from New York. And I was nervous until I got my first laugh. And the second I get my first laugh, I'm fine. For the CBS thing, we've been doing so much press that your brain can't even function.

Like, I don't understand how, oh my God, if I curse right now, or like, if I say something crazy, like, it's live. And then they'll be like, why'd you, why'd you say something weird? Which you've been doing a lot on the Sonic tour, which is weird. A lot of cursing a lot of politics, a lot of cursing on the Sonic tour. My goal for the Sonic Tour was to try to do Press with Kianu. And I have kept, I have like, I've had the most fun doing Press with Kano because he is so funny. You just have to, you just, he, I'm obsessed with Keanu Reeves. Okay, let's talk about Mr. Keanu Reeves.

Tell me when we do this, we're getting serious. Keanu. I watched a red carpet interview in which you, um, video bombed Keanu Reeves, which is a thing of beauty. Look it up on the interwebs. The man is deep. He's thinking, he's going hard on what it means to cinema, to be a part of this family.

And you, the clown that you are. I need you to know, I can't hear what he's. saying I'm just passing by so I don't know what he's saying and then I looked at his face when I like saw him and I was like oh he was going for it but then he like saw me and we were like goofy town boys goofy town boys you are the goofy town boys that's your new boy band yeah um so he's a musician he he tours all over a dog star you would be a great addition to dog star I think he almost I think he opened for Weezer when they first started okay so how much quality time I know

the nature of these things you don't the most you see of them honestly is on the press tour yes the only time I see Jim and only time I see Keanu those but although Jim I've gotten close with and loved so much he's amazing because we're kind of in these movies together as those two people that are like at it for each movie right and I'm incredibly I feel so lucky that he said yes the same with Keanu never met him until the red carpet and we're live right we're live on I think I shook his hand beforehand but then they go okay so Ben and Keanu you're gonna live on ITV London's biggest something and

you're on the red carpet I'm like hey man I was like I wonder if I could play with him if I like do something a little bit a little bit crazy or will he join me or I don't know who is and I went a little bit and he jumped on immediately and was so fast and funny I was like oh this is an act I could be friends with this person he's like he gets comedy he understands it's funny he knows how to yes and of course Bill and Ted come on like iconic comedy the excellent to each other um do you remember both their full names Ted Theodore Logan that's correct Bill S Bill something Esquire Yeah There you go Have you ever seen The horrible viral video

Of me with Keanu? No, do you do something wrong? Keanu's great And we get along great We really do I hate when you ruin things No, this is a rare moment Where I actually ruin something

It was like about 10 Do you admit you made a mistake? I did make a mistake Ten years ago About 10 years ago When Bill and Ted 3 was in development Yes And I know Alex pretty well

It's winter we've been talking forever He's great You know so I don't remember His character name Keep going That's exactly it. So I'm talking to Kianu, and I got the wrong character name. You said Bill.

Yeah. And he was lovely. You know, he's a gem. Or he's the nicest guy in the world. He kind of gave me shit a little bit. Like, he pretended to be angry. He wasn't angry. This viral video, which, by the way, for the record, I was the one that put it up online.

I said, this is funny. Let's put this online. Comes back to me every year. Did you get shit on because of it? I get shit on every year. People send it to me like this, look at this clown. Can we play it? No.

I guess it doesn't make sense. You'll play with me afterwards. Yeah, I will. But he would never get upset. He's the best. He's the best. He's literally the nicest guy. I can't wait.

Hopefully we have to do fourth one. Hopefully he's in it. He's great in this. And so can you say, do you feel like you've had a fight scene with Keanu Reeves? Because in the film you fight Keanu, but you can't say that. I don't think so. I don't think, and I also can't really say, I mean, yes, I've had scenes in him, but I didn't work off him. I did all my stuff in a booth without him.

Right, right. So I was like, I wonder. Who wins in an actual fight? You or Keanu Reeves. Do you have a shot? 10 seconds, you're dead. Literally, anybody in this movie. Tika could kick my butt, James Marsden,

Jim Carrey, absolutely. Idris sits over in it. Oh, what are you crazy? He looks at me in the milk. By the way, I saw Idris for the first time on the red carpet. We've done two movies and a TV show and I met him for the first time in the UK

on the right carpet. Another gem. Another goofball. I've done sketches with him. He's fantastic. Dude, he's hilarious. And he's like, we got to do comedy stuff and I was like, my man.

He's one of the few... I'll sell a movie with me, Idris. I'll sell a movie with me, I don't know. I saw a movie with me and Jim. he's one of the few folks that has ever done a comedy bit with me. You're like this. Obviously, you get involved and you want to creative input

because you're so good at it. And most folks don't, though. They just show up and they're like, what am I doing? It just like got on the phone and wanted to like talk through every... Yeah, he was great. Oh, I love him. He's been so cool. Who wins in a race, you or Idriselva, again, in the film. I'm going to lose in everything. You can name

anything. The only thing I went in is maybe improv and like a J. Barish, a look-like kind of Like a Joe Curie-look-like context. I was going to say, who is your shadow in real life? Ooh. So someone that's a hedgehog, but the evil version of me? Yeah. Who's your nemesis?

Is there an actor that you used to go up for a lot, like the same roles that would get roles that you were? That's a great question. Me and Pally used to go up for a lot of the same roles. Yeah. But he's a buddy. That must have been awkward. It's the greatest. Yeah.

God, who's my shadow? That's a great. Do you have one? Locked and Loaded? For you? I got nothing for you. I guess it'd have to be Jewish. That would make the hedgehog part the same, right?

You can go bachel? I could see it. No, he's not a villain, though. I heard he's a lovely man. I've never met him before. Right, right, right. And Andrew Garfield, lovely man. Oh.

Lovely man. I can't imagine he'd be shadow. He's too talented to be shadow. Right, right, right, right. You have no hate in your heart, though. There's no negative. I don't hate anybody. You know that.

I feel so lucky that I'm doing this. Hit pause on whatever you're listening to and hit play on your next adventure. This fall get double points on every qualified stay. Life's the trip. Make the most of it at Best Western. Visit bestwestern.com for complete terms and conditions. Okay, flights on air Canada. Oh, wow.

Mayorka, that's new. Oh, nice. But Vienna is a classic Mozart, palaces and schnitzel. Mm-mm, now you're cooking. If you're hungry, deli brings the heat. Heat. Cartagena's got sun and the C. to cool off. So does Martinique.

Mmm. And that French cuisine? Book it. Yes, chef. Wait. What about Lyon? Choose from our world of destinations if you can. Air Canada. Nice travels. You've been traveling the world. I have. Brazil. Went to Brazil. L.A. to Brazil.

Brazil to? UK. London. Yeah. London to L.A. to New York. Which you think, don't you want to go from London to New York? You need to book your own travel next time. London to L.A., L.A. to New York, New York to L.A., and then I'm done. And also before that, I did months of press. And I do this thing. I do this thing.

Don't touch me. I do this thing where Paramount's amazing, and I have an incredible publicist. I have Emmy and Jillian. They're incredible publicists, and they book all these things. But there are people, like you, you're on this list, like Ali Plum, like Josh at Mythical Kitchen. Or like, there's this guy Patrick Gill. So that I'll message or email beforehand being like, hey, I'm going to have a very big. We're doing this press, but it's going to be pretty hectic.

Do you want to do some stuff beforehand to make sure that we get to have our fun? Right. And so I got to do all those for the first couple months. Yeah. And then we went crazy for this last month where it was like every little thing. And it's been crazy. This is the biggest one by far that I've ever done. Should we try cold calling Ali Plum, see if he's around?

Yes. Let's do it. Do you have his number? Yeah. No, he hasn't shared it with me yet. We're not at that stage in our relationship. I think he doesn't like you. He really don't know.

If I was Ali Plum. Oh, Kevin McCarthy, another great. You know Kevin? Oh, yes, of course. Keep this thing, Tim McCarthy, great guy. These are the gems. These are the gems. There's a lot of great people.

There's a guy named Tom in Canada. Great guy. Hold on. We're going to edit this down so it happens seamlessly. Okay, here we go, Allie. All right, what's he going to say? What's he going to do? What do you think?

I just saw him two days ago. I literally just saw him two days ago. How do I just have speaker? You just press speaker. You're not known, that one, right? Yeah. What time is it by him? You didn't even think about that.

There we go. Allie Plum. Unhappies say confused. God, I love him. He's not going to pick up. You take over. You take over. Call ended.

He... Nothing makes me happier than Allie Plum not picking up Joshua. Like an active, like, decision. This should be the pull quote. This should be the line. Can't talk now, everything okay. That's sweet. No, everything's not okay.

Take a picture of us and set it on. Okay. You don't know how to use your phone. Why don't you have an iPhone? You just tell me why. Is there a reason? It says an iPhone. You're an idiot.

That's not an iPhone, is it? Yes. I'm sending it to him. Okay. If he comes back immediately, that'd be immediately. He's going to run out of the hospital wherever he is. Oh, wait, he's responding. Yeah.

Oh, look. I hate that guy. No, he didn't write that. Okay. When's the Japan trip? You would be celebrated. Sonic the Hedgehog. I've never been to Japan in my life.

They would hail you as like a god. God, I hope so. That'd be amazing. But I bet there's a different person who does my voice in Japanese over. my voice in Japanese over there. You must know that for, you don't know that? No, but I met the person. And just go on your phone during this whole thing.

That's cool. Just checking the scores. And you barely follow sports, which is weird. I met this gentleman named Manolo who does my voice in Portuguese in Brazil. And then he's like, by the way, I've also to do you for all these other shows. He did me for the after party. Then he brought up footage of him singing the songs I sang in the after party. And it was the cool thing in the world.

Is there? Yeah, because I also want you to do. kind of the Asia tour because they have all the like the weird talk shows like I want to see you like in a dunk tank with like furries like the whole what you know I think there's a show where people wouldn't furries and dunk tank make no sense because they're all hairy they'll be sloppy smells sloppy smells that's your favorite is that the pull quote yeah that's your only fans account sloppy smells my other character sloppy smells hey everybody it's a sloppy style oh here sloppy smells let's do a scene is Josh

Horowitz and sloppy smells sloppy thanks you establish where where we're meeting what we're meeting what we're meeting on an interview. Oh, thank you very much. Oh, you're a sloppy smell here. It's horrible. Let's not do this. You don't want to do it. I don't want to do it. You're a good improviser. You just said, we started seeing you said, I don't want to do it.

That's why Allie Plum is a man. Kevin McCarthy's a man. Hey, come on. A hundred percent, Kevin McCarthy would do a 20-minute interview with sloppy smells. What's your favorite third movie? Do you miss MTV? I'm still employed by MTV. Do you miss Comedy Central?

Literally did a shoot for MTV yesterday, but what's wrong with your eyes? Comedy Central, you should work for them? You just turned into Marty Feldman from Young Frankenstein. Can I ask you a great line and alienate your audience? Alienate your young audience. What did I alienate? Do you think they know what Martin Feldman is? People love Young Frankenstein. It's a perennial.

What is the worst red carpet interview you've had? Uh, worst red, I haven't given you stuff that we had to cut. Like, why are you fishing for the worst things? What should we talk about? Um, oh, third, third movies and trilogies. Yes. What do you do? In Japan. We do this when we get serious. This one gets serious, remember. Got Back to the Future three, great one.

Last Crusade, great one. Yes. By the way, last crusade might be, I think because Raiders, crusade and... Temple of Doom? And I think for Back to the Future... I like that you don't acknowledge the... Temple Doom? No, King of Crystal Skull.

Well, we're talking original three. I see, okay. The same with Star Wars, we probably do original three as well, right? Sure, sure, sure. Although I love Seven, you know, I'm a big seven fan. I'm a huge seven fan, huge JJ Abram. J.J. Abrams. Let's get JJ on the phone.

Please. And then let's do Back to the Future's 1-3-2 as well, I think. 1-3-2. Would you do that or no? Um, I like the manic energy of two. Three is classic and sweet. Two is just like bat-shin-crazy crazy. And also when you're a kid, the hoverboard.

I think that's where everybody remembers. Very cool. It's crazy. And you're Robert Zemeckis. Yeah, Robert's Emette. So he did the podcast recently finally. Yeah, listen to it. Thank you.

I chatted with him. So did you catch the part where he wants to do the Back to the Future? Musical movie? I haven't seen... I'm too old. I would love to be... No, sorry, your doc. I just...

I would love to play doc, but I can't sing, like... I mean, who did a... Your solo 1.21 gigawatts number is going to be amazing. I would. You could do a good doc, too. That's the thing. The range on this man. I would love to do doc.

I think I could do an okay doc. I'm not being facetious. I think I could do an okay doc. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The origin server before his voice got two bananas. No, no. The Waveriers. Chris Reeves.

In the Sonic Universe. He was, Christopher Reeves, Jesus, Christopher Lloyd in the Sonic Universe, because he is in the knuckle show. He does a voice in the knuckle show. Amazing. There is a Back to the Future reference in Sonic 3 I caught. Was that, probably my doing? What was it? It was at 1.21 gigawatts.

Oh, no, that's Jeff Fowler. That was Jeff Fowler, but yeah. Anytime there's like a weird thing that's like, this doesn't belong, it's usually to be improvising and Jeff being like you're the nicest guy, we're going to let you have one of these. Yeah, there's a golden girl's thing, I think, and there is in there. That was Jeff or Tyson. B.A. Arthur? So good. I know.

Yeah, speaking of movie musicals, when are we going to get you? We've seen you sing and dance a little bit. I've sang and dance and a couple things now, and a lot of band-a-staffed. Have you gone up for a movie musical? I've only auditioned for one movie. Oh, movie musical? Yeah. What a great question.

I don't think I've ever auditioned for a movie. Oh, there was, didn't. There was, I can't talk about it. Self-sensoring. Okay, yeah, yeah, I'll tell you later. You were almost with the cats. You almost got that role. I almost played the butthole of all the cats.

I auditioned to me the butthole of all the cats, and then all of them had songs where the little butthole talks. Just a little butthole Just a stinky little butthole Won't someone let me poo pooh I am a butthole What song is that? And then what is he?

The only thing that could have That would have turned that movie around. That would have made it a global box of success. God, can we do, can we do a criterion of cat's whole words? All the butthole's talk. Yeah. And it's just like, hello, hello.

Do you think sloppy smells could be in there? Absolutely. Definitely. Is that an aspiration? Is this the best one? Can you tell when these are going well? Yeah, I haven't felt it yet. Will you put in something?

You haven't seen Wicked yet? I haven't seen a movie in theaters in years. I can't wait. I literally, when this press tour, it came out during our press tour, when the press tour was over, they did a crazy press tour. They were going from that. Did you do a thing with them? I actually did it.

Wow. I guess you're too low. But like they did like the important guys. So they did Alley Plum and they did like I saw them on a lot of them. In my head, I think I was like I bet they did every outlet and then so did you you must have done them, no? I miss it. I didn't. I met Arianna recently. She seemed lovely. You know what's funny? I saw Ariana on or saw some skeptics from S&L. So very talented. So funny. And gets comedy. Guess what's funny it seems. But I love both them. I want to see that movie very bad because I love I saw a gypsy last night. I love. I love. I saw a gypsy last night. I love. I love. I love musicals. You're more of a Glinda or Elphaba at heart, you think? I've never seen Wicked. I don't know. Oh, that's right, you said that. I forgot. I've never seen Wicked so I don't know.

I can't wait. I've never seen the musical, which is unlike me. What's your favorite musical of all time? Oh, okay. The one that got me into musicals was probably the movie version of Little Shappahars. And then my mom was a Bronx music teacher for 50 years. 50 years when I was a Bronx music teacher. So whenever I come to New York, I bring her.

So yesterday I brought her to Gypsy. Every time I'm in New York, I come in on the earliest flight. Right. And I make sure to take my mom to a musical. So we've seen like a billion musicals. It's kind of spot on casting, but you could have, you still could see more as something you could do. That would be a dream come true.

Seymour The Dentist, that would be a dream come true. Dentist, yeah. They've been close to making that movie for years. You know, Chris Evans apparently was cast as the dentist. He could sing, right? Yeah. Did he do his press tour for Red One? Wow, this is crazy.

So do people stop coming here? Why don't people come here? That's not true. I do two podcasts a week. I do more than ever. I guess, but not the big ones, I guess. Oh, no, you said Paul Mascall was here. Did you do Pedro?

Unbelievable. He's making a fantastic foreign movie. Yeah, but he did a lot of press for Gladiator, too. I saw him on every podcast. He did a, he does anybody's podcast. He's never done the podcast. Pronounce his name, maybe it's because he pronouncing the name. Pedro Pescalo.

That's right. What's a name that you had to practice before interviewing the person because you're nervous, you got it wrong? Oh, you know who I screwed up once and he called me out on it? This is an obscure one. Not obscure. He's a wonderful actor. Oh, God.

We'll cut that. Okay, keep going. I was doing an event for a movie called Hitman. Ladies and gentlemen, Ed Screen, it's scrine like wine. Oh, he said that. I'm sorry. I have to cut this. I have to cut this.

He follows me now, and we get along. Ed, I'm sorry. Cut this. I'm not going to cut that. You shouldn't cut it. I don't want you to embarrassing yourself. There's going to be nothing left. There's going to be two minutes of this.

It's fine. He cares. At least you got two minutes. You get zero minutes to everybody else. What's the last time you interviewed the Rock? It has to be years. It's not true. Because you guys used to be boys.

We still are. He's actually lovely. Can you text The Rock? I can't actually. What's the craziest person you could text on your phone? Has to be The Rock. Of course. What about you? Ali Plum. But I don't know what's that. You won't let me really text him. Who's, okay, who's a celebrity friend? You get their text and to this day, it's like, how? This is amazing. There are plenty because I'm like, Billy Crystal's a family member now. He's like an actual, he's like my best. Big Brother. I will say because we're on the Sonic Tour now, when Jim texts me and it says his name and it says whatever you're saying, even though we are friends now, I think there's

a thing where when you work with someone, before you work with them, they're the thing you've seen for years. Like Jim or Kianu or all those things. Before you talk to them for the first time, they are otherworldly. They are the thing you've seen. And then the second you have your first conversation and you're like, oh, you're a human. Now we can connect as human beings. And I've had that with Jim for years now. But like, you know, the beginning is like this. and then you're like okay now this is like my dude and all this stuff but when I get text from Jim it still says his name on it when it comes through and I was like oh this is so great that I can talk to someone that I admire so much and it's not

me like right now I'm not forcing him to text me you know what and usually it's text like you know what I'm thinking about retirement again because you're driven me there yeah I'm responsible that you keep driving him close to retirement or do I keep bringing him back you everything about well he did the third one he did said maybe retire and then he came back and he's I will You've seen the movie. He's so good in this movie. He is so good. It's what you want. He is, it's crazy because he's so, he's such a big actor and he's so, he picks his roles very, I mean, he's just on Sonic for a bit, that he did, he couldn't phone it in and make whatever he's making and be fine.

He, he, a thousand percent. And he comes in with a hundred percent, and he comes in with a hundred things that he thought of. He does all of them. Then he acts opposite himself in this movie. He works so hard and it's so, he's so good in it. Okay, as a great comic performer, you're... Fuck you. Come on. Come on.

Give me 90 seconds on what makes Jim Carrey the goat. What is he... Great. I can do this. I haven't even thought about it. I can do it off the bat. That's how much I know. If you look at all of his movies, he commits so hard. And I can even say that for dramatic roles. You look at Truman Shore, you look at Eternal Sunshine. He commits so hard to the characters that he is 100% the character,

or even the Grinch or anything, like whatever he does. And he also is committed to finding the best version of everything. And I believe he's involved with all of his, well, I don't know this, I'm just assuming, but I know with Sonic he's very much involved with not only the creation of character, not only figuring out on lines, then in post he's there to like check things out and stuff like that because he cares. He wants it to be good. He's like us. He cares about the movie. For me, as someone who's an improviser, when I'm doing my scenes as Sonic, if I find a way to make someone else pop in the scene, because I'm seeing the actual scene. So if I can say like a sentence, I'll make that joke pop even more for Jim or Colleen or Keanu, I will be the straight man so they can have a little bit more of a whatever. So it's like he's very much looking at the film and wants the film to be great. But he's just extraordinary in this role. Totally agree. With Amex Platinum, access to exclusive Amex pre-sale tickets can score you as a trackside.

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for the tragic murder of Meredith Kircher and the relentless media storm that followed. The twisted tale of Amanda Knox is now showing. streaming, only on Disney Plus. What do you think has made a greater contribution to rings in pop culture? Sonic the Hedgehog or War of the Rings? Man, it's probably Lower of the Rings, right? No, you can... Well, 1991, well, I guess Lord of the Rings was written by then.

It's hard, it's hard to say. I mean, what gave more coins? Was it, was it Mario or was it... It's a very famous coin movie. Think of a very famous coin movie. I can't. I literally can't. Goonies, no. There were coins in there somewhere.

Oh, and depressed your brain shutting down. Why are you not getting a... We talked about this. No live action role in Sonic. You could be in there. We're talking to Jeff Fowler. Jeff Wanda, every movie, one was like during COVID, I couldn't come and said.

The other one, I was filming a Space Force in the same country is them, but the set wouldn't allow me to go to their set because of COVID rules. This last one, they were in London, but I mean, I guess I could have jumped in there. He said that maybe the fourth, if we had a fourth. Okay. And also, I've been trying to get a catchphrasing. The 90s hit showed The Critic. Oh, I've been trying to get Sonic.

Nope. What was it? Hachimachi. Oh. I've been trying to get him to say Hachimachi for... Didn't he say I hated it? I thought it was crazy for a second. Is it I hate it?

It stinks. It's... It stinks. That's not good. No, that's wrong. That's not it either. Do I do Homer's famous catchphrase? Here we go!

That's Mario. Eat my pants. You've been on the Simpsons, haven't you? I was one of my three goals when I started doing this. Simpsons? Happy I said confused. Happy said confused. And Allie Plum's best friend.

I only have one of all. Simpsons? Host SNL, which I haven't done. I wonder if I'll ever do it. That'd be really fun. Probably not. No, of course you will. Probably not. If I missed it for Sonic 3, what else?

You know what I mean? No, it's happening. Of course it's happening. I got to get one of these things that are in development on the air. And then what's the other one? Oh, be a guest on Letterman. Because I was a page of Letterman. And then it was a big deal for me that hopefully wanted to be a guest. And I got to be a guest on him two weeks before he stopped doing it.

No, no, no, don't take it. He needs to hydrate. Yeah, I've been talked a lot. That's okay, that's okay. We were talking as you sat down about our mutual, Mr. Sam Rockwell, one of our favorite human beings. Getting Closer, he got Yorma directing. We have a movie called DNA.

It's at Searchlight. I wrote it. It stars me and Sam Rockwell, Oscar award-winning Sam Rockwell. Yeah, yeah. And he won for Blue Aguana. He won for Blue Gwana. By the way, that's short film that we made.

We did. Thank you Blue Gwana guy, yeah. Yes, we've done three or four things together, and after Blue Aguana, he's like, we've got to work together again. And I said, it goes, but maybe you write the next one. I go, yeah, I'll write the next one.

We do that. And so we thought of an idea, we pitched it. It was unmakable, which I'll tell you why later, not on this podcast. And then Sam's like, let's think of another idea. And I thought of this idea and pitched it. And searchlight said yes. Then we got party over here attached after I wrote a bunch of drafts. And then Yorma, who's a genius, is going to direct it.

And he's going to direct it. He's going to be amazing. He has great vision for it. And now we just wait to hopefully get started. We know nothing about it. It sounds like you don't want to say much about it. But DNA? DNA. DNA is a title.

By the way, it's so funny. In movie making, it was called the Rockwell Schwartz, and then there's a word there that would spoil the movie project. And then it was that forever. And they're like, yeah, I think of a title. I'm like, oh, God. And I've been writing it for years. And I was like, okay.

And then we did 100 titles. And then all of a sudden it was just like, well, what about DNA? And someone's like, great. And we just hand it in with DNA. And now it's every, the name of the thing. Does that have anything to do with the actual film? What if the title had nothing to do? Does E.T.

have anything to do with it? Is back to the future just a phrase that Robert Zemeckis says on the side? I just don't understand why it's aggressive. The Grinch. Is he in this one? Is it connected to Jurassic Park? Is it a Mr. DNA origin story? I can't say, but Dino DNA.

I can't say, but that's, you're not bad. I saw you doing an interview once. Oh no, it wasn't you, someone better. I saw them do an interview once where they like forced the person to talk about something they shouldn't talk about. And they did. And you could tell they didn't want to. Yeah, I've had that experience once or just. twice.

And then do they tell your after to take it? Oh, this is real question. Oh, that happens all the time. Okay. How often does? It happened literally two days ago. Yeah. Which interview?

I'm not going to say. Well, we just want to say what it was that you took out. It was an actor who actually just misspoke about a casting thing. It wasn't Paul Meskow. It was Paul Meskown. You asked him if he's in the new Star Wars and he says, no. Have you met Tom Cruise? Oh, he came off a motorcycle once and I waved to him.

That's real. I was a bad robot for something. They were doing the issue by. Are you just hanging out a bad robot? Are you're right? I used to write there, because I didn't have an office, and JJ is literally my brother. Yep. So he...

Not literally, just for the record. No, but we could be brothers. Yeah, he could, but that's what... He also acts. You understand what the word literal means, just so you know. I don't know. I did Parkinson's Iraq, and they say the word literal a lot in that TV show. He came off a bike, and he was wearing a helmet, and then he took off his helmet, and I was like, whoa! And I just went wave, and he waved it everybody.

You're friends with, Tom. Could you text Tom Cruise? I can't text. This is the ongoing thing. If you know anything about me, it's the cake? It's the cake. I don't get the cake. And I'm obsessed.

Oh, you don't get the cake? I don't get the fucking cake. Tell him. I've done this. I do this like on every episode. No, he doesn't listen. No one cares. Tom, can I ask you a question?

You and I do movies for the same studio. It would make my life if you gave me a cake before you did after it. I have no investment in this outside of the idea of it would make my life if I got it before Josh and I've only waved it you once. Let's run through other folks. Okay, so you've kind of met Tom Cruise. No, I just waved in them. Have you met Oprah Winfrey?

No, but I just hung out with Gail King for the first time downstairs. One degree away. Have you met Kevin Feigey? Yes, I've shook his hand. Okay. But it wasn't at a meeting. Oh, that's our headline today. So you are going to play Iron Man.

Did I shake his hand? I just shook his hand, but I never got to talk to him. Yeah. I have so much to talk to him about. What would you start with? Where would you go? I'm so proud of him. Hi, I'm Kevin Feigy.

That's not how he talks. No, I'm just this is why people don't do your podcast. Do an impression of someone else. I'm Meryl Streep. That's exactly how she's talking. I'm a huge friend of the Marvel Universe. You know that. We've talked about Marvel movies before.

I also have Secret Wars at home. I've replenished my knowledge on it. There's a lot of fun characters in that, so I'm like, ooh, what are they going to do with this one? And also, they have different versions of characters. I was going to say you'd be a variant of Mr. Incredible Man. I don't read comics. That's my secret.

Pedro's doing that and he doesn't do his podcast because you don't know um does Pedro give you his cake does he really give a cake have you met daniel de lewis no but i love him we used to do a bit uh middle church works used to do a bit at the very beginning when we first started at lago where we would tape off one seat every show for danio de lewis and we say we and at the beginning the show no joke we just every time oh the only part that wasn't improvised and we would tell people as an enterprise afterwards, we'd be like, I can't, I forgot that we did this. I would, I think I started off as like a bit. I did it as a bit and then we did it for so many shows as a bit at the beginning where I'd be like, okay, listen, I don't want to embarrass you if you're here. I did this. It was so

fun. I don't embarrass you here. We did tape off one seat and you don't, we're not going to bother you during the show, but Dana Day Lewis, if you're here, because we heard there's a chance you may come this time. Right. If you're here, just say hi. And I tell a whole. audience just please don't fucking say it please nobody talk don't do a bit and pretend you're danio de louis because this means a lot to us so just don't say anything okay i'm going to count down from three and we go three two one and then the entire artist is like nervous and so they're really quiet and we wait for 10 seconds ago that fucking piece of shit didn't come again the only part that wasn't improvise and then we'd say afterwards like i we did it all right i love it uh so where does ben schwartz

and friends go from here do you improv in space like what can you do we're doing the sydney opera house And we sold it out in a week. Ben Schwartz and Friends playing the Sydney Opera House. Sold it out in a week. We're doing three shows in Australia. We did Royal Albert Hall. But I am hitting the top of... Now I'm just doing the venues that I like again.

Or the cities that have good food and I want to visit. This is a good criteria. But, like, it's... You could do this forever, and hopefully you will in some capacity. Because it's improv. Every show is totally different. I can play the same city three nights in a row, and it's three totally different shows.

Is there... Because I know what we've talked about this. You did the Netflix thing back there. Yeah. Like, is there an aspiration? to do something different with it or is it like... Do you want me to tell you, I'll give you an exclusive? Let's do it.

Okay. Without giving it too much away. I'm working on a secret Ben Schwartz and Friends thing, and we've been developing it. And you know what? If it doesn't get made, then at least you know that it happened. I'm trying to start thinking about it like that.

I have done... I've sold so many movies that haven't got made that nobody knows that I've done. Yeah. That I can't talk about what it is up. But every now and then I'm going to be like, yeah, okay, I'm developing the secret Ben Schwartz and Friends thing. Who knows if it'll get made, but it's really special to me.

And we're at a place now where we can start pitching it next year, so we're going to do that. And trying to do something with the earliest show again. And we're going to go out with that, and like we're starting to play with that again. So it's like... Those clips always... I mean, they always travel. People love them. So I put them on the Internet to try to see if people cared enough,

and then I could take the numbers, which are millions of those clips, and use it as a selling tool because it's up to me. It's like the hustle is the creator's job. Right. So I'm trying to give us anything to show someone why it would make sense to make this. And then I give them the new pitch of what the show is now. So that's going on. There's a Bench-Hawarten thing that if it doesn't happen,

maybe I can release what we've worked on so far. But we'll see. It's a weird time in the industry where I was like, I think the only way for me to really get things going right now, like I'm in development with stuff in the same way I have where it takes years. I'm going to try to do stuff independently or I'm going to try to find somebody to join my team

and make this very inexpensively here, and we try to sell it, and then we can put the money in to finish it and stuff like that. Genre-wise. We're talking about musicals, Jean-Ralphio-wise. Western erotic thriller. What boxes are you trying to check? You haven't done yet?

You're not talking about DNA. You're just talking about it in general? Not DNA. No, I'm not fishing. Man. Man, I'd love to be in a time travel movie. That would be fun. Yes.

You have no aspirations. You're done. You're at the inside. Directors. I'd love to work with Spielberg. That'd be amazing. I'd love to do something with JJ again. do his emacs thing again.

Edgar Wright, I think, is a genius. Tyke, I think, is a genius. There's so many people that I would love to work with. I think it's more me attaching directors. But John was like, I've done a romantic comedy before, super fun. I think I can make a funny version of that if I was allowed to rewrite or write some stuff. Right.

If they actually made those at this point, too. Well, they don't really make comedies anymore. Yeah, that's a small problem. You never raised on $10 to $25 million comedies. Jim Carrey. I know. For his first, his 90s run is like bananas. We, they don't exist anymore.

And I don't know why. I've heard people explain to me why, but I don't really believe it. It doesn't make sense because the thing that keeps like surviving in theaters that we always talk about is horror, because it's a communal experience. And the only, that's exactly what I'm saying. It's like the, those two are horror and comedy, so I don't get it. Someone once told me you can get so much comedy on TikTok and Instagram that there's a venue for it. And I was like, it's not a movie. It's different.

It's like, maybe you can't get horror on that stuff. But it's like, yeah, I don't know. It makes me disappointed because it would be my bread and butter for writing and for acting, and it's just there's no place for it. There's no, like, who's the next comedy star? There isn't, like, there isn't something like, I think there needs to be another explosion and then other people can, that's why I root for anything that's kind of funny. I just wanted to win always, because then it leaves room for that.

But I think we don't have to make them expensive. Right. So the risk is low. $15 million great comedy. Lower, like maybe five, let's do one for five. We'll get the funniest people in a room. So I have a couple of those in development, too, but, you know, I've had a bunch of those in development for a while. Are you ready for the Happy Second Fused

profoundly random questions? Yeah, is that a thing? Wow, a big podcast listener of Happy Second Fused. I only listen for the guess. I skip through your part. Dogs or cats? Dogs, the easiest. You and I are both dogs.

Not even a question. Yeah, yeah. I don't trust cats. I think they're up to someone. That's the exclusive. What do you collect? I know you collect stuff. I collect animation cells.

I like sneakers. I have all my old Nintendo and Super Nintendo games. I bought back all my Nintendo games from the person I sold them to in high school. I can't tell you how I'm so, I won't say his neighbors because he didn't want to be involved, but he was so lovely. I said, hey, you're not for him. I hadn't been on Facebook in 15 years or 10 years. I went on Facebook.

I found this person. You wanted those specifically? Because you know they're available. They're just general. I wanted my ones. And I just said, hey, in high school when I was a senior, I had to sell my Nintendo games. And I was the one that had Nintendo longer than everybody else. So I had all, I like Gilligan's Island.

All these games that nobody else wanted, they gave to me because nobody else had a Nintendo and they couldn't sell these games. Right. So I'd play them because I love video games. And so I was going away to college and my dad's like, you can't just have, like, we need room. And it hurt me so much and I sold them.

And I said, hey man, I don't know if you remember me. My name is Ben. We, we, I sold you my Nintendo and my Nintendo games and my Powerpad and my Zapper when I was a kid. Is there any way you have any of those left? And he's like, oh my God, first of all, this has to be you. nobody knows that in high school you sold me whatever because my name is different on

Facebook and so um he goes I might have them I have a storage container and he makes video games down board games he's like uh he goes let me check and he took a picture and he had like eight tenths of the games it's so many of the games and he goes I have a Nintendo and I have a bunch of games I don't know which one's yours and he let me take him back and buy them back and then when he got there I saw the Nintendo's mine it had the same gum stain that mine did and I took a a Zelda and I put it in and it said my name in it and it was my exact game and all them are my exact game. I can pick up right where I left up. I literally get emotional. One of the guys names was Starks. I was a big John Starks fan at the time. So Zelda was called, Link was called Starks

at the time. But it was like, so I collect that. I like collecting things. I have little memory boxes ever since I was a kid throughout my life when I have something. I put them in the memory box. So I have, and there's sneaker boxes. So I can see the sneaker boxes change as I grow and everything is filled. Like, it started when I was in high school, then I was at UCB, all my, like, class shows, and I have boxes of these things. Shoboxes. Um, wallpaper on your phone? Oh, Calvin and Hobbs. Always. And it says, uh, it's the very last frame of Calvin Hobbs and it says, let's go exploring. I remember that, of course. Um, we kind of alluded to this, but last actor you were mistaken for, does it ever happen? I guess we were talking about your shadow, but in a different way,

that people present you with an audio, like, people do bits about it, but I'm never really like, Not really, they've been like, Joe Kerry and I did a sketch together. Right. And some stuff about Andrew being like a hot or more talented version of me. I wanted to make a movie with him and I. He's gotten too... He's gorgeous and he's so talented. He's peaking.

He's like, what is happening? Not Princess Diaries. Which is the one where like two people who were related but one's English and then, like, Prince of Popper I want to make with him. I want him to be like royalty and I'm like the Slubby New York guy who's like more Jewish than him. And then like he wants to go out and hang out. hang out in the slums and I want to be a king for a day. I want to write that movie.

We're cousins, but we can kind of fake it. Amazing. So there we go. Let's sell that. Okay, we got it. Worst noted director has ever given you. Great question, Josh. Worst known director has ever given you.

You can say a generally unhelpful thing you don't like or a specific thing that really rub you the wrong way. I'm pretty good with receiving notes. I'm pretty good with that. It's a worst thing. Oh, okay, I can give you one. A director, but it's not like, it wasn't this person's fault, but there was a stunt where I was going to fly,

and the director and the first AD said, it's going to be at the end of the day. And I was like, okay, great. And so I ate a huge lunch because I was like, I'm not going to be eating to the end of the day. I remember what I ate. It was like a burrito with everything in it, guacamole, sour cream, and am lactose in time.

And they go, hey, we're moving your flying scene up. Why would you eat the sourcrum? That's my fault. where I. So when you do flying scenes, sometimes you have the, sometimes you have the thing where they pick you up like this, but mine was supposed to be supermanning. So they put, they had me down like here, and they put a thing on me here. So it's, and then they lift, and there's a big crane that goes like 50 feet in the air. And they lift me so all of my weight is on my stomach. And they lift me like this. And it's a kid's movie. It was for Florian Ulysses. And I literally go up and I go, I'm going to throw up. Yeah. Oh, I thought the poop was going to come out. No, no, no, no, that's how I died in Renfield, which I was like, hey, guys, that's not really how it's going to happen. And they're like, oh, we're throwing around some ideas. And I was like, yeah, I just don't know if my character should shit himself and throw up to die. And he goes, yeah, yeah, and I go, I don't understand how that would even happen because I'm wearing pants, you wouldn't even see it.

So maybe we, I don't know, let's chat that out. Of course, of course, of course. Cut to me doing ADR, absolutely shitting everything. I was like, what? But anyway, we thought it's grouped it. The audience needs it. Yeah, they want it. And people laughed, so they were right.

Sorry, anyway, yes. And it lifted me up, and all the weight was on my stomach. And I was going to throw up in this Disney movie. And I'm like, I'm going to throw up. I'm going to throw up. And I told him, and the guy said, well, when was the last time you ate? And I said, I just ate. They go, oh, no, no, no, no.

You can't do that. All the stuntmen are like, no, no, no, no, you can't do that. And I was up there. And every time I did the scene, if you watch it, it's me sweating because I'm so close to throwing up. And I never threw up. But it was really tough. That was a really tough thing. What movie was this?

Florian Ulyssians. It's a really cute movie. That makes sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Matilda Lawler, the best. Okay, and in the spirit of Happy, Second Fused, an actor that always makes you happy. Oh, Sam Rockwell always makes me happy. I love Sam Rockwell, but Jim Carrey, too, and now Keanu Reeves.

Um, movie that makes you sad. Ooh, the first movie I cried to his beaches. Up, I cried the first act of Up every single time. Yeah. That's I cried. I just cried at something. I just saw something and cried the other day. I don't mind crying a movie.

I like it. No. with your feelings. Do you cry often, for real? I don't see you as a person who cries. I cry at movies. I mean, thankfully not so much in real life. When you cried, you try to hide it? No, I like to, I like to lean in. I'm in. And a food that makes you confused. Oonie. Oh. Oonie. I don't like Oonie. I don't like... The consistency, it's a little slimy. It's a little too saltwatery, a little too like, what's going on? You know what I mean? A lot of oif. Yeah. I just did a show where we

we're eating food and Uni, not only was Uni the thing, but it was served in sea urchin and I was like, this is, we're all doing too much. It's all too much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great show. Good job today. Top

25 of all time. I need to go back to the tape. I need to check it out. Yeah, yeah. Because we don't know what we're going to cut or like what's, is it funny just because we're going to cut a lot of stuff? I had a good time. This was an enjoyable 45 minutes. You got to say top 25. Top 25. Top 25.

Top 25. Ben Schwartz, the titular character. And are you retiring this year for real or no? What's the free, is there a round swall? Are people talking about it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, people like, he's barely got it anymore. Just put it in a good word for me with Pedro. Pedro, Pascal.

Pedro Pascal. You think one day I think you'll get that. You've interviewed him once, I'm sure. I've done little bits here and there. It's lovely. What a gem. I'm not just saying that because I want him on the podcast. Who's the person you've always want to interview?

Because Zemechus was that person. Zemecas was what up there? They're filmmakers. I think of like... You need Quentin Tarantino too, didn't you? He's done it a couple times, thankfully. PTA. Oh, that'd be cool.

I'd love to do a P. Who? Fincher. Oh my God. You want to be run down by Fincher. You want to do the 75 takes. I wonder if I could survive a Fincher. You could do it.

I would love to... I'd like to see you try to crack up. He has a great sense of... I've interviewed him. Really? PTA, I think I would crush with. There's also some people that are like more attuned to like, let's see what happens, let's play and see what happens.

I think I'd really have fun because I've never really done a movie where They're like, let's really go bananas. That would be interesting, though, yeah, in the Fincher context where he's so, like, meticulous. Yeah, methodical. That I want, like, very mathematical. Yeah. I wonder if I love that, too, because I, like, love numbers. I do love numbers.

What do you collect? I, I'm a decent movie poster collection, but I, but they're not, I don't have New York apartment. Is there something that's too expensive, but you always wanted to do it? We don't have props. I don't do it. Yeah, I don't. It's more of honestly.

You would love props, I think. I would. If I had the palatial L.A. a home that you did, but I'm in a New York apartment. What am I going to do with all the stuff? Your dog is too big. Dog takes up space. The wardrobe, the gorgeous clothes.

Can we talk about how you upgraded two years ago? Two or three years ago, something happened where you're like, I got to dress better. And we all noticed it. All of us noticed. Yeah, it was a big talk on life. I complimented you. Recently, I'm like, something's happened where you're like, you care about what you look like.

Well, I'm 75 years old. You look like an ogre. You know, like, you know the trolls that hide under bridges that don't let you come in here that, to me, that's what you are and where you live. It started with a compliment. A troll's cool, man. Like, all of us in trolls, your security. You're an ugly troll.

Not even a regular troll, you're an ugly troll. So when you put on, like, even a scarf, I'm like, oh, this ugly troll is putting a little effort in. Thanks so much for having me on the podcast. Happy Sat Confused, subscribe, like, click the button below. And remember, Josh Horowitz will come to your Bar Mitzva and interview you if you have the right amount of money. HappySat Confused.com backslash tour.

He's going on tour. You're hitting off some cool theaters coming up. I don't know if you want to see him. He's playing the Ha-ha-Hut over in Milwaukee. I'm playing Milwaukee in January. Ha-ha-Hut? Is that a real thing? No, but there's a great venue

I'm playing Milwaukee. Can't wait. Oh, Ben Schwartz and Friends. Rejectedjokes.com backslash tour. We're starting a tour in January. We're going to do one weekend a month to the end of the year. Then I don't know how much longer we're going to be touring. So I say it every year.

I find it so much. You enjoy talking to them more than me. The camera is your friend. Yeah, you know why? Because I feel like they're not rude, they're kind, they're supportive. Right. Do you know what I mean?

Just from the record, you often say, I'm hostile. Where do you think? I'm a mirror of you. That's true. You are. I'm your shadow. Oh, we did it.

End it, end it, end it, end it, end it. And so ends another edition of happy, sad, confused. Remember to review, rate, and subscribe this show on iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm a big podcast person. I'm Daisy Ridley and I definitely wasn't pressure to do this by Josh. Simons celebrates freedom of expression with a daily ritual of getting dressed. Fashion's power lies in its endless possibilities. Each garment is an invitation to get creative, be unique and show the world exactly who.

who you are as you are. Be true. Be authentic. Be unapologetically you. Express yourself at Simons.