Happy Sad Confused - Rob Huebel & Paul Scheer

Episode Date: March 15, 2017

If you invite consummate improv geniuses like Paul Scheer or Rob Huebel on your podcast you’re going to go on a tangent or two. Invite them both on, with their long history together, well you’d better strap yourself because things are going to get weird. That’s definitely the case on this week’s “Happy Sad Confused” as Josh welcomes two of the funniest men on the planet as they promote their new hilarious go90 series, “Drive Share”.  The conversation quickly goes awry in the best possible way as the guys discuss everything from why Idris Elba should be the next Batman and why you should never trust Cameron Diaz with a secret to Paul’s strange reason for having a Ralph Fiennes autograph in his childhood bedroom to a lengthy consideration of Rob’s penis (probably too lengthy to be honest). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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And we catch up with Sammy. Hey, Sammy. Hi, Josh. It's been too long. Sammy's not been on the intro for a couple weeks, guys. It's been tough. It's been tough for me. I don't know how it's been for the audience, but.

I feel like they're in stunned silence right now. Yeah, they've had to listen to a lot of you. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry, guys. But we're happy to have you back. Thank you. I'm very happy to be back. Catch us up. What's the latest? I have the flu.

Yeah, you did have the flu. But I got the flu shot. You got the flu. It was during a shoot we did. Yes. Which was the, oh, it was the Hiddleston shoot. We were worried that you might get me and or, more importantly, the wonderful Tom Hiddleston sick. I was really, because Tom's like a sweet guy. Did you touch Tom Hiddleston?

He came in for a hug and kiss. Oh, my God. And, yeah. You've killed our beloved Tom Hiddleston. I was like, what if like the next day he. Tom, if you're listening to this, get thee to a doctor. What if he had like a James Bond, his bond audition the next day? And he's like, I suddenly feel ill.

But you've recovered, despite the flu shot, which did nothing for you. Which is a sham. It's a sham. I didn't get my flu shot this past year and no flu for me. Well, but I take care of myself. Good for you. My body is a temple. Yeah, you're a real picture of health.

I had a little visit to Los Angeles. I talked to the Power Rangers. You had a big week last week. Started with Hiddleston. We started with Hiddleston. It was great to have him. He came by the studio. We did a Facebook live.

If you haven't watched it, you can enjoy that on MTV's Facebook page. I wish. What I wish we could have gone live with was Hiddleston hanging out for 20 minutes after the shoot ended. Just shooting the shit. Legit. Legit. Tom, Tom, as you, if you listen to this podcast, you've heard us talk about Tom a lot. We love. We love him. He's the best. And he did. He just hung out and we shared some silly videos he wanted to show us and just sort of a, he treats everybody like awesomely. And he's just a good guy. And I was like, normally this would be perfect. But right now, I feel like I might die. So you have to leave. Tom, you have to leave. We should mention that we haven't quite figured it out yet. But we're on the brink of figuring out how to auction off.

Tom Hiddleston's fake mustache. Wendy muster. It was in his nose. It's been all up in him. So for context, for those that don't know, we did a rather infamous sketch a couple years back called Lockeed that featured Tom as a character that wore a mustache. He called Wendy. That really makes no sense. But trust me, guys.

Google Loki. Okay. So he has worn this fake mustache and he was kind enough to agree to auction it off for charity for UNICEF. And Sammy and I are working on. Really, Sammy's doing the hard work, but we're going to figure out very soon how to auction it off to you guys. More difficult than we thought it would. But we'll figure it out. So stay tuned to my social media, Joshua Harrow, with Sammy.

I'm sure we'll also put it out there and you guys can contribute to a good cause and get a piece of Tom Hiddleston memorabilia in the bargain. Win-win. Yeah, there you go. So other than that, not much to say, except that I was so stoked to have Paul Shear and Rob Heubel in the studio. Paul Shear was a very early supporter proponent of Happy Say I Confused, and we had him on one of the very first shows. But we've never had Rob on. Rob, I've done a bunch with over the years, but never on the podcast. And when these two get together, wackiness ensues.

No, they legitimately are two of the funniest human beings on the planet in my estimation. And this conversation, one of the kind of the benefits I feel like of talking to them is I don't really have to do that much prep because we can go in any tangent. make it hilarious. And sure enough, they did. And this conversation goes into a lot of bizarre areas, including, well, there's a lot of nerd talk, Star Wars talk, Batman talk, a lot of talk. That doesn't happen with you normally. I know. But Paul especially is a big old nerd like myself. So that's an easy place to go. And yeah, and they have a new show that's called Drive Share that you guys should check out. It's on Go 90. It is absolutely free, as they stress many times in this podcast. And a lot of fun, great improv comedians in this show. It's kind of like a takeoff. on Uber, a lift, et cetera, but like the drivers and the passengers are all played by great improv comics. A lot of fun and it's free. So what more can you ask for guys? And I love how Rob's in

like transparent now and he's really. Both of them have, like if you look at their IMDB, these guys work, both like creating their own pieces of work, but also yeah, like Rob's going to be in Baywatch for the summer. He's on transparent. Paul shows up like I feel like I can't even keep up with all the different cool project season. So they are not wanting for work, and I understand why, because, as I said, they're so quick-witted and so smart and talented. So a real pleasure to have them both on the show. And again, go check out Drive Share right now, or maybe wait until after the podcast.

Oh, yeah, don't do it at the same time. Show some respect for the show, guys. How dare you? Why are you even thinking of that? So without any further ado, here is Paul Scheer and Rob Heubel. Check it out. This is Rob Heuble and Paul Sheeer. My guest today on the podcast.

No, no, no, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob. Yeah, what's it? You're my guest and welcome, by the way. That's a weird way to start the podcast. This is not my podcast? Thank you. Is that a- Whose podcast is this?

Yours? Rob does do a podcast in the studio, and it's, it is about Clint Eastwood's effect on the general population. Clint Eastwood? Just Clint Eastwood, the Clint Eastwood effect. Yeah, you should listen to his 10-part orangutang series. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Any which you're busting loose.

Any which podcast, but... So, um, Paul's been on the podcast, so welcome back, Paul. Thank you. Paul was a very early part of the podcast. I was. You bought in early. Because I wasn't on board until very recently. Until you were forced to get in this room.

Until about a minute ago, I was not... I saw you kind of be put, literally physically pushed into the room. I didn't want to come on. I didn't want to come on. Yeah, there was like a foot in your back. I don't, I don't, I don't, if there's not a live audience here clapping, I don't want to do Rob is on more of that comedic rock star shit. That's, you know, not TM Kevin Hart.

But, you know, he's, you know, he's just kind of like, got to live that live life. Right, right, right. This podcast. You mind if I Instagram this entire podcast? No, go for it. Like, Snapchat it. Yeah, boomerang it. I've never boomerang.

I sometimes will boomerang. I was on boomerang and they kick me off. No, that doesn't work. It's not. I was showing. Boomerang is the most underrated cable network. Are we allowed to swear? Can we swear on this podcast?

Yes, yes. What's your favorite swear word? This is the closest you'll get to James Lipton. So what's your Cumberbatch? Nope, that's a human being. I would say dick pics. Okay, well, part of that, I guess, is kind of a profanity. Yeah, the picks.

Do you, how many pictures exist of your penis out there in the world? I don't know. That's a great question. Thank you. More than I, if you Google me, it's the first thing that comes up. I will say. Google Rob Hubel right now, and the first image is my black cock. Wow.

I will say this. You might want to see a doctor. Yeah, he says black. It should be black and blue. Yeah, yeah. It is, it is. It's like bruised. You're doing something.

Very wrong. My cord, I wear cords a lot, and my cords are constantly bruising me. You have cock cords, which are little cords just for your penis. It's like more of a pouch. Yeah. Right. But lately, they've been bruising me a lot. So that's why my cock is black.

And blue. And blue. Are we going to see your erect penis in Baywatch? That's a great question. Good segue. I will tell you, I can tell you that you are pretty good. Baywatch comes out in May. I should find out when May. That's what we're all promoting here today, right? Baywatch. This is Baywatch. You see my dick in Baywatch, but just from a distance. I will say from like about 200 yards away.

Right. But it's giant in black and blue. So you, it does stick out. You'll see it. You'll see it. It's like a mini King Kong in the distance. They do a snap zoom on it from 200 yards away. You know what to snap zoom in where they zoom in really fast? Yeah. I see it in my mind. eye right now, unfortunately. That's pretty cool. And I actually did all the CGI work for the rock. The same way they did Grand Moth Tarkin in Rebel, Rogue One. I was there and I did.

Thank you for doing that, by the way. Oh, my gosh. It was very, you were very easy to work. He's very busy. He's so busy. Did the Grand Mof Tarkin thing bother you? It didn't bother me. I know a lot of the fan boys were really bothered by it.

I haven't seen that. It didn't bother me at all, actually. What are we talking about Star Trek? Oh, man. Come on. No, I actually, I really hands-down. enjoyed Rogue One for a couple reasons, but... Name one.

One was... It was so dark that it made me excited to go, like, wow, this is where they're starting. This means that there will be great Star Wars movies. Like, it wasn't like they started with, and no offense to Thor, but like a Thor level movie. It wasn't like, okay, it was like, oh, they made a real choice, it's really fun, they did some cool things, they tied it together, and, like, I was in for the ride of it. I don't care that doesn't connect.

I like that universe, and I think expanding that universe and making it still interesting is the biggest challenge. What's the part where the Storm Troopers are in the ocean? That was cut out. Yeah. It's in the poster. And I was like, is that why you didn't see the movie? No, I wanted to see it because of that.

It's the Corona ad of that movie. It's like, hey, Stormtroopers on the beach. That's not in the movie. No. There's a great thing that you can watch on Vimeo where they take all the footage that was in the trailers and they edit it all together. And it's pretty amazing. It's like, wow, they cut a lot out of this movie.

So are you, why are you not seeing the movie? Can we ruin the ending of the movie without ruin it for you? You can ruin it for me, yeah. Should we have it? Rob still's on season one of lost. I'm on season one of lost. And the thing that's confusing is like, what is the polar bear about? No, no, no.

What is that? Why was there a polar bear? We want you to enjoy the journey. No, I missed that movie because I just had a baby. Thank you very much. Congratulations to me. Wait, you just give me a second. That's not fair.

Well, I don't know why you didn't congratulate me sooner. Yeah, why didn't you jump on that congratulations? Why didn't you say, I said, he's got a couple kids. I could congratulate him, too. And mine is kind of new, too. I have a six-month-old. You know what? No one gives a fuck about Shears kids.

Everyone's curious about my kids. I've got a lot going on in my life. What is it? What are you what he got? What? I don't have any kids. Nothing about a podcast. My actually, my kid just got nominated to a cabinet post, which is pretty amazing.

Which one? EPA? Yeah, he, well, he is actually running. He's running a very small thing about NASA, actually. So he doesn't believe in outer space. So he's cutting the whole NASA program. Right. He should.

He should just cut it. Nothing big. Just cut it. What is it? Why do we need other planets? Why do we need other planets? A space? Oh, okay.

I think it's honestly, the way I understand it is the sun is hitting the ocean. And then at night, the reflection of the sun from the ocean shoots up this thing that we assume is the moon in the space. Were you homeschooled? What's what happens? Yes, I was. Why? How would you was, yeah, and it was the best way to be schooled. I do want to back up and say that I do love your kids, Paul.

Thank you. I'm the godfather to his first son. My first son. His second son, I'm not that interested in. Yeah. Second son. First son. But here's my question about your kids, Paul.

And this was not asked by you, so I'm asking. No, please, jump in there anywhere. Where do you stand on homeschooling? Are you going to homeschooling? Look, if it's cheap, let's do it. You know what? Well, it is inherently cheap. Yeah, I can tell you.

That it's cheap. We got a Wi-Fi connection and we got a kid. We got everything we need for homeschooling. Maybe leave it to June. Don't maybe. Eh, you know what? I got to teach these kids some really cool stuff. Like smoking.

Yeah. Smoking and driving. How do you guys feel about, we alluded to the political realm right now? Oh, we're big supporters. Just give him a chance. Just give him a chance. I noticed on Twitter, you're quite active. I've become obsessed to the point.

where it's ruining my life. I got to get over. No, I'm not going to get over. No, I'll never get over. Because I never really would tweet about politics until the election. But I, did you fucking ever, am I allowed to swear? Yes. Did you ever know any secretary of education in any other presidency or any secretary of health

and human services? In that way, I guess it's good. I'm engaged. I didn't track any of this ever. Well, because the people were civics 101. They had a baseline of competence. Yes. That's it.

That's right. Yeah. If you hired people that, like, we didn't have to worry about, then I don't have to worry about it. You could disagree with all of it. You know, it's like, yes, Obama had trouble getting, like, one or two people through, and they went through the same idea. But they are all qualified to hold a position, which is the rare thing that's going on now. I actually took my anger and frustration that I had and was venting through Twitter. And I actually started this thing.

I did something productive. Yeah, Paul was doing something great. I'm still just like, here's my opinion. Fuck you. Tell them about your thing. Well, we started this thing. My wife and I, June, and a bunch of other amazing women, this thing called the Big 100, and it's spelled out like 100 on Instagram.

And it gives you small micro actions that you can do every day. Because when you look at the macro, there's a million things going on. It will make your head explode and you'll get anxiety all day long. Is one of those actions ranting on Twitter? You've got that nailed down. You could do it. Yes, I guess you could do it. But the idea being, like, you know what, we have to be better citizens anyway.

We have to be informed. So let's, like, do a little action every day. If we can keep ourselves informed and keep it going, it will be a good place to be. So we're doing it for the first 100 days of the administration. We've gotten to do a bunch of cool stuff. But to your point, one of the actions that we did was this thing called GovTrac. And by the way, this campaign, nonpartisan. It's just about being good citizens.

I'm against that. Oh, come on. You're ruining the whole vibe of what he's doing. Against the good citizens. But you can, I mean, believe me, I posted up this thing about GovTrack where you can just find out who your representatives are. Because honestly, I had no idea. I had, like, I could name one. Oh, yeah.

I never knew any. I have never called a congressman before. Now I'm doing that all day long. Yeah. So now you could track them. But even when I posted that, which is like, hey, just know who your representatives are. So you can see what, and when you can see what they vote on. No one's against that.

And people were like, fuck you, man. Not going to change a goddamn thing. I'm like, all right, let's this. I don't want to know who represents me. Sense me. Yeah, like, we got to just open our eyes a little bit. And you could, hey, look, if you want to give all, you know, dogs' guns, which I am totally a four. Totally.

I think that's a great idea. It's a good starting point. We don't know where, I mean, it may end up bad. I mean, look, we all know, so we try. Under Obama, he was always about trying to give these dogs, like, you know, they're not human. They can't hold a gun. Was there for real just a bill to specifically give guns to mentally ill? I don't think it was to gift them with them as if it's like a nice, like,

Oh, you're mentally ill. Here's going. Yeah, no, it wasn't bad. It wasn't that extreme. I think it was a chapter in a larger book. Like, it was like the bill itself passed and one of those parts of it was like on also, yeah. Ridiculous. Oh, yes. It's crazy.

What is happening? But on the other hand. Hillary had some emails. Oh, she used a private server. How political does DriveShare get, by the way? Our new show, DriveShare, another good segue. This will fucking segue hard. Oh, they know that about me.

My eulogy, they're going to say he segues hard. That show is all comedy. I will say this. I do think that right now, because of Trump, the one fucking thing I will give him is that he has made people hungry for comedy. I do think that like any comedy show, any movie, like people are like, yes, I want to go. I want to see it. So yeah, Paul and I made this show for Go 90 called DriveShare. And the easiest way to explain it is, what's the fucking worst Uber ride you've ever had?

It's just terrible Uber rides hilariously done by all of our comedy. It's a sketch comedy show basically done in an Uber. And we've done about, we did about 30 episodes and there's about like 80 or 90 rides. So you get to see tons of people that you know. People like, you know. Manzukas, Jason Manzukas, Jack McBrere, Andy Daley, Natasha Lagerro. Aquafina, Judy Densch, Jamie Densch. James, Dave, Julie, Densch.

But it was actually really good. Milo Yin monopolist. Charo's great. Milo's is weird. Charo. But the benefit of it, this is the one thing that I feel like, I keep on saying to Rob that I like about this thing,

regardless of the content that we created, which I do think is very good. It's totally for free. Like, you don't have to subscribe to anything. You don't have to give a credit card. You don't have to sign up for anything. Yeah, you don't need a membership. Just go to go 90.com or you can download it on your phone,

but it's free. Have you been paid? I'm worried about you guys. We didn't get paid. We didn't get paid. We wrote it and directed it and we're in it, but yeah, we didn't get it. But I do feel like that's like a big problem. What do you do it for?

We don't do it for money. We do it for the art. By the way, I just came back from Sundance, which I missed you in Sundance. Yeah, yeah, we didn't see each other. Why don't you guys drop names on each other like Sundance. And every time we would go, anyone can go. Yeah, it's open to anybody. I was not invited.

No, but you don't have to be invited. Well, actually, one of the films that you were in was there. You probably were. I was invited. I could not go because of my baby. This baby is ruining everything. They would tell us at Sundance, they would go, hey, look, before we go out there, if anyone asked you if you want to sell the thing, you just say no. I'm like, what?

This is the whole thing where, like, what, who are we fooling? What do you mean? You were trying to be coy about whether or not you wanted to sell your movie? Yeah, like, what's the goal? Like, they said, if I want to ask you what the goal is, just say we're just here to have fun and show the movie, I'm like, who are we fooling? Everyone hears me, like, literally the idea of Sundance is to make deals in the shortest possible time. Wait, how do we get on to this? Because you guys saw each other in Sundays.

Well, we didn't. didn't that was but we were just talking about money and yeah yeah we went from black and blue connect things to this I'm trying to track all the segways why I don't know let it be let it happen I know I guess I want to know where we're going

as a country as a podcast as a podcast as a podcast this is happy say I confused we'll be right back after this It's not easy being the one everyone counts on to keep your operation running, no matter the weather or supply chain hiccup. But we get you, Raymond and Buffalo, Maria and Miami, and Jules and Troy,

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Now do it. Tell them about it in real life or on social media, and if they don't know about podcasts, show them how. Tell us what you recommended with the hashtag Tripod, T-R-Y-Pod. Thanks for spreading the word. Who's the most political person you've had on the show? Mark Ruffalo. Actually, Mark, hopefully, is coming on soon.

That would be an hour of fracking. You have not any Trump supporters, though, have you? Not that we've talked about. They don't listen to podcasts. They don't know about podcasts. Sure, they do. Really? Don't be like that.

Yes. You're dividing this country further. Come on, man. A lot of people, a lot of people who voted for Trump, like his policies, but don't. like his demeanor that you know we can all agree about that i don't what that's not a good excuse they like if they like his policies then we got a problem well if look here's what i'll give you yes if you're uh and i don't know who i'm gonna am i going to get uh well you am i going to get poison mailed to my house for talking this is a red state podcast we're very big of the i mean i mean

that as a kevin smith fan i i will i will give it i will acknowledge that that if you're a trump voter. It makes sense to me if you were like a coal mining person or out of a job and you and you actually believe in your heart of hearts. He's going to get you that job back. Then I can see why you voted for it. But otherwise, if you're just like a person that's intolerant and you don't want like black people or Jewish people or gay people or Muslims or trans people or anyone else to have the same rights as you, then you're a piece of shit. Well, Rob, I can also. On the other hand, Hillary did use a private server. And he's using his phone now.

It's totally fine. It's totally hackable, but it's fine. He's a man of the people at Marlago where it costs $200,000 to. And you can watch him, you can watch him a la Chauncey Gardner sitting there at a table just smiling. That picture of him looking into the camera where there's like chaos all around him and he's like, and you know, that was just a woman that walked by and took that with her cell phone. And so really what's happening is he's flirting with that woman. He thinks that he needs attention wherever he can get it.

He thought he was going to get his dick sucked by that woman taking that picture. He would never cheat on his wife. We should root for that to happen. If anything, we need something to bring him down. Oh, by the way, it wouldn't make a difference. By the way, can we show a picture of him getting his dick suck? You know what? The media is too hard on this guy.

It's a fake news story. That's not his real dick. That's not her real mouth. She sucked other dicks. So that means that she is more guilty than he is. His dick just happened to be in that. location at that time it would be so many variables that you couldn't even get that story can we get memberships to Marlago I know there was maybe we all three

of us couldn't go in on one and we can alternate yeah it's expensive I think there what is it it was 200 but it jumped up when he became president it's like 400 no it went and I went up to 200 when he got a president I I saw something online that said they wanted to get Eric Andre membership to Mara Lago and I I am behind that get started yeah like to get him sure look and I haven't told you this I did vote for Trump and for one reason. Wait a second. No, no, no, no. I wanted to see Amorosa and I am going at it once again. Look, they

couldn't give it to me on the old NBC, so I needed to see it on CNN, Fox, everybody. I think anybody that saw Amorosa way back when knew she was destined to be in the White House. What does she do now? She's his body man? I don't know. I don't know her job. I'm surprised that she doesn't have. She's a communications advisor of some sort. She is definitely.

In which case, she's doing a very bad job. Very bad job. But by the way, I honestly think Amarosa's doing the best job because you've not heard a single story about her. Like, if you can keep your head down in the Trump presidency, you're a genius. Like, I have more respect for Amarosa now than ever. It's like, she's the only one that we have in her. Alex Jones is consulting now. What's funny, though, is like how many.

We're going to attack aliens, guys. Think about all the-Sandy Hook. The jury's out. Yeah, we don't know. We're not sure about what happened in San Diego. How much evidence is there really? Well, I mean, look. The crisis actors. By the way, I'm fascinated by the idea of crisis actors.

Dude, what about paid protesters? I fucking wish you could. I made bank last year protesting. Are you kidding me? That is hilarious. George Soros pay-powing me by crazy. It's amazing. Yeah, George Soros, well, he does Venmo for me. Oh, right? He venmoses you the money? He memos me? You just tell him what's up. It's such a crazy idea. Like, I don't know. It just drives me now. It's hard. It's here. Like, I was saying to Rob this morning. I feel like we've, I feel like we've, I feel like, I feel like, we've tanked your podcast. We should get off of this because that's the real problem with Trump is tanking podcast. He will fucking ruin a podcast so easily.

But how many times does this happen to you just when you like meet up with your friends and you say, hey, what's going on, man? Hey, what's going on? How are you? I'm fine. Five seconds later, you're into it with this. Yeah. Well, here's what I'll say.

You know what I do to get out of that? I talk about the Oscars. You know, the Oscars are one of the Hollywood's last. Great segue. Way, great segue. And, oh my goodness. And we either just watch the Oscars or... I was going to say, it happened, I think, a week or two ago.

Oh, my God. That was crazy. Oh, boy, the Oscars, this was not taped before the Oscars. Could not believe that John Wick 2 came out of nowhere to win Best Picture. For John Wick 2 to win Best Picture, that was incredible. Well, let's talk about some pop culture hot button issues. Right. Okay, since you just...

That will be happening two weeks from there. Well, they'll still be relevant, I think always. Where did you come down on the, uh, Joan Johnson, Vin Diesel, Tiff of 20s? Well, Rob, I don't know if you can talk about it. Catch me up a little bit. Okay, well, I can kind of... Oh, this was during Fast and Furious. Fate of the Furious.

You know the Rock, and I only know the Rocks through SochMee. Which, by the way, is not an acceptable... You're so busy. You can actually say social media? So... Social Me is not a great abbreviation. So on Social Me, no. The Rock seems to be, from all accounts,

a genuinely, wonderfully positive person, right? He has a strong work ethic, as we can see with this beautiful, beautiful body. He went to an interesting place. No, but he just seems like to be a great guy. And so all of a sudden, in the middle of shooting fastly, America's, America's, America's, America's, I was going to say America's Citizen Kane, you know. Arguably, Citizen Kane is America. America's New Citizen, Ken, I should say. He tweets this thing that comes out that basically is like, and I'm, you know, paraphrasing, but like, I'm sick and tired of pansy asses messing up this thing.

I'm going to slap a fool in the face, like a real aggressive, but not naming names, but basically like, I had a run in with somebody on this movie, which left everybody guessing who is it? Yeah. I mean, it's not Tyrese, is it? I don't think it's Tyresearch. Scott Eastwood? Who has a beef with Scott Eastwood? No one. Now, here's the issue.

He did do a lot of scenes with Jason Statham. I have a theory. Oh, it could be Statham. It could be Statham. Because I feel like, and now I don't want to put you on the spot, but I'm going to talk out of school. I love Jason Statham. I'd love him to be the next big action start. It doesn't look like it's going to happen, but I love him.

I feel like this is like we're like 10 years too late on that. He's always trying. I feel like Jeff Speakman might be the next actually hero. I'm digging deep. Really deep. I love it. Howie Long. So, but I feel like he's always been trying to get up there.

But anyway, I've heard he's pretty humorless. Oh, interesting. I'll put it this way. He hasn't done a happy, say I confused photo. Okay. And I've had decent experiences, but I think it's fair to say that, yes, on my end of things, he's not the quickest jovial funny interview. And I had a theory that he might have been,

giving him a heart I mean look I think the finger you want to point at is Vin Diesel and I guess you can say it actually was Vin Diesel because Vin Diesel

come out and say like the next day like yo we apologize and it's cool like yeah something like that in Vin speak he said something

to that effect so so Vin Diesel was just like like dragging ass on set like just not showing up late or not can I talk out of school for one second

about Vin Diesel I'm not going to but you podcast are four Vin has been a guest on the podcast I can't go against my Vin

but I love my Dwayne I love my Dwayne too I look I think You've got to come down somewhere, buddy. You can't just be like... Be Mr. Vanilla and Mr. Mucky. You can't just like...

Pick the right side. History will judge you on this. I'm always going to be team DJ. I'm always going to be... I can tell you this from Baywatch. Like, he is the hardest working dude. Like, they would call cut, you know, in a scene with him. And a team of people would come up to him be like,

okay, Dwayne, so we just kind of come over right here. And this is someone from the Make Wish Foundation. And so you're getting... So, you know, he is like every moment he's doing something. for someone else like he or they uh they would say cut and everyone on on baywatch anyway like effron and stuff they would whip out those um exercise bands and they'd start doing like curls to like stay ripped in between takes i had stalone do that once i was visiting on a set of a movie like this walter hill movie like five or six years ago that nobody saw and in between takes

he would like take like giant like um it was like bowling pins and he would just start flexing them well to me there's something really interesting about guys who take their shirts off and film it seems to me like the look that you idolize like when Chris Pratt takes off his shirt and guardians like by the way he's an amazing shape but that shape that you see is for that take it's like right you're like it's almost like I don't drink water for the night before and I'm going to do this thing so when you are getting to that moment you are like it is like that is the end of the marathon right there like you're going to always be in shape like Chris Pratt the day after that still going to look amazing but he looks more amazing because it's like I think that was the problem on Baywatch movie because they were they're like shirtless like the whole time so they have they have to be like fucking ripped like in every take and all the girls too where everyone's working out I'm the only asshole in the movie that wears a suit in every scene so I am disgusting and I did not work at it all and I would all I'm going to say is this in their faces I think that when you work on a movie like fast and furious you all have to be a team player because the franchise as last witch hunter proved is bigger than the actor any actor on that movie Yeah, Triple X actually made big money overseas. Oversees. Number one movie in China, made $260 million. China.

China. Again. The way Trump says it. China. But one China policy. So this is what I would say is that, but I think he had the same exact formula. I mean, Triple X is a rip. The new Triple X is a rip of Fast Affirits.

He just cast a person from every time. International, yeah, yeah, yeah. And by the way, I love the shit out of Fast, Triple X3, whatever it is. I loved it. It was great. But it's like it's the same model. It's like the reason why this is a juggernaut. It's the same reason why Avengers is a juggernaut.

It's like we all band together. There's something for everybody in there. Exactly. But Triple X is no John Wick too. Nor is it a Last Witch Hunter. I feel like Last Witch Hunter screwed up. I mean, Elijah Wood we love. Michael Kane we love, but it's a little one note.

You need a little diversity in the air. And by the way, I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. No, that was a while ago. My baby is really screwed over. You're listening.

to happy, sad, confused. We'll be right back after this. I did a lot for Wes Witch Hunter. I moderated the Comic-Con panel. It was a very, it was a magical moment for that. What other panels did you moderate? Well, over the years, I tend to moderate the ones that bomb. Oh, I moderated one of yours. I did a children's hospital one. I did a children's hospital. I'd see what you're getting at. But on the film side, I tend to moderate major flops. I moderated, what was the Mike Judge movie, not idiotic. The other one, the one with the serum. Extract.

I did Terminator Salvation, the McGee Terminator movie. Well, tell me about the genesis. How was the witch on her panel? The Witch on her panel was wonderful. What's worth noting is, so Vin, as you guys will know, and especially you, Paul, probably know on social media or social me. Yeah, sorry, social me. He decided to Facebook live himself as we were going out on stage before the panel, but he

misjudged the timing of it. So I'm out there, like, introducing the panel, and he thinks he's about to go live, and it's like 10 minutes of introduction so basically it's him backstage saying here we go here we go here we go out there I'm gonna walk out there in two seconds well can we talk about I mean obviously you've never had yeah it's pretty good it's my favorite thing of Vin Diesel is what he's flirting with that Brazilian woman do you see this that got just thrown under the rug very quickly I feel like yes what was it I don't know okay I had a baby so he starts throwing himself at this Brazilian reporter literally crawling on his knees to her going oh my God you're beautiful you're beautiful when did this become a beautiful world. When are you, like, I don't want to wreck it for anyone. That sounded more like Stallone to me. Ah, yeah, maybe.

Have you ever seen the Ben Affleck interview along those lines? No. So people have not seen this. Okay, Google something to the effect of Ben Affleck. Has Ben Affleck been on this show? Not yet. And he probably never will be now. Yeah, it's not going to help.

But I'm just going to say, they're deep into the podcast. People have probably bailed by now. Certainly, Affleck has. Certainly, it's not going to listen this. By the way, the Trump stuff cut off most of your audience right out of the gate. So there's an amazing interview. It's actually for, I think it's on the Geli press. tour, where he is flirting with a French-Canadian reporter, as I recall.

And to say flirt, it's actually insane. It should have ended his career. Right. He is all over her. He makes her sit in his lap. Oh, my God. It's insane. Let's talk about you as a moderator.

I think that you should be doing more of it because you actually have a sense of humor and you're fun and you're interesting. That's a tough job. I feel like most of the people that are up there have never seen these movies and they're more excited about like themselves hosting the like you can be funny

you can be interesting and you have a knowledge base when you're a fan of what of the movie very kind I've seen so many boring ass comic con panel

I think generally that's all they oftentimes that's the safe bet I think for a studio or something they want somebody that's going to basically just mind their talking points which frankly I can do too but yes I like to be a little bit hopefully in the moment

but as a fan as a fan it's so much more engaging when you're at those comical because you're so excited to see these people and talk and if you have like this i mean we got it a lot in the league when we would do things they're like oh you're being interviewed by uh fangoria magazines you know lead reporter of it's like no offense to fangoria no great star log fangoria great love them but like it does it it because of what i always find is they cut the fun right of the interview and it's like you want you you you're all up there just let it

go find moments Well we were also lucky Like every time I feel like I've done anything at Comic-Con I don't know how we got up I don't know what the segue was into Comic-Con Why are you so obsessed with the segways Why can't we just talk like human beings

We're like no need to go Last Witch Hunter He did the panel So I think that at Comic-Con At least the stuff We've done like for Children's Hospital and stuff When we do a panel We have the luxury

And I know for like NTSF You guys you can do whatever We wanted You know like a lot of those like big movies and stuff There's a really serious Yes, talking points, and there's a studio. And it's also a cast of people that doesn't really know each other or like each other sometimes. Like on Children's Hospital, we're all good friends and would just dick around, you know.

I also feel like there is a big fear of these people being called out as frauds. Like they're in these big sci-fi movies and have no interest in sci-fi. There's a lot of fear of that. And they're just like, I don't want to be asked the question about what my character did. Yeah, that's interesting. That's a good point that, like, they don't want to be exposed that they're not a nerd. So everyone at Comic-Con is like, oh, I'm a nerd, oh, I'm a real, oh, I'm a bigger nerd. No follow-up, no follow, please, please.

Every, like, cool person, like, wears their, like, one Marvel t-shirt. I will tell you one thing, and I will spoil a movie for it, but I think it was worth it. I was at Comic-Con when you're watching, like, the big Hall-H panels for Warner Brothers. And that's the one when the kid stabbed everyone with a pencil. I was there for that. Do you remember that one? I do, yeah. Yeah, I do.

I wasn't there, right. You can't pin that on me, but yes, I was there. I remember exactly where I was. So there. I was at the urine. There was So Cameron Diaz was up there To promote the box

And the box Classic, classic movie Yeah, classic So they're talking about the movie And this is, you know, it's Richard Kelly's movie So it's cool It's like I think it was like one of his first movies Kind of back again or you know

There was a lot of excitement about the box And they end very purposefully They were keeping it like A little bit quiet Like not quiet but like they're being coy Yeah. And so, like, Cameron D. has an attempt to connect.

I call her Cammy. Cammy D. In an attempt to connect with the crowd, she's like, well, you know, the box was given to them by aliens. And there was a moment of just stunned silence. And she's wrecked this movie, did the spoiler, and everyone's like, and you could hear a pin drop because, like, do we just hear us say that? Yeah, I bet the studio was like, oh.

And then they just kind of like And so They picked it up as if it didn't happen But it was such a great crazy moment But again it was like I'm trying to connect with you nerds Like hey you guys You're gonna like the movie

It's about this That's sad Yeah that happened about Star Wars Celebration last year One of the actors revealed that I think he dies in the film Oh really? Yeah yeah yeah

You can't say that I will die by the way Oh what? Yeah that's Rogue One What about the Stormtroopers in the blue water and they always drowned. They don't know for a fact, we assume.

They drown? Well, the planet blows up, so they're dead. They're all dead in the end. But they first, when the planet starts to blow up, they lose their footing and they fall in the water. They drink their own? There's like a 15-minute sequence of them drowning. Very painful. Drowning in like six inches of water.

It's very real. It's raw. Can I also ask? At Comic-Con, do you get late a lot? I'm married. I've been married for a long time. My wife does not come to a Comic-Con, so nothing's happening. What do we all think of the new William Falk and Han solo picture?

Are we on board? I'm on board for that. It's Phil Ward and Chris Miller. Those guys know what they're doing. I just had a baby, so I haven't seen my picture. I don't have time to look at pictures. I had a baby. So, I don't know.

For me to look at a picture, that takes, what, like a second, two seconds? I don't have that amount of time. All I want them to do, and this is my only hope for that movie. is if it's good which it will be because again it's Lord Miller I just want them

to give themselves some room to make more of those movies because I feel like it would be so fun to have like a Han Solo trilogy

if he's good if he's good I mean that's the only that's the only variable that I'm curious about but I feel like his hair already looks like him

yeah that picture in the cockpit actually like sold me on it I was like okay I'm on board can I ask again because I've had a baby who is the Han Solo

It's not, first of all, the Han Solo. Hansel was a character man. It's just Han Solo. I misspoke. I'm sleep deprived because I had a baby. Who plays Han Solo? Alden. Aaron Reich.

Oh, Aaron Reich. Aaron Reich. He's from, did you see Hale Caesar? Yes. You had a baby, Rob. How did you have time for that? No, good point. I did not see it.

He's in Hale Caesar. He's like the Tom Mix character, the Cowboys. He's very funny. He's very funny. There's a great scene with him in Ray Fines. Oh, my God. Gosh, so fond. Is that your favorite finds?

Ray Fines? He's my favorite finds. No, Rath is my favorite finds. I have a autographed picture of Ray Fines in my bedroom. I have a podcast called me. I literally, in my childhood bedroom. What? Because I saw him do Hamlet at the Belcourt Theater here in New York City.

Why are you bragging that in your childhood bedroom? First of all, that you have a childhood bedroom. This is what happened. Is it still preserved? Is it for yourself or other children? This is the weird part of the story that I was kind of realty. Is it your childhood bedroom? Or you have a, it's a child to come by.

childhood bedroom. It's a bedroom where I bring children. All the children of the world. So they don't get nervous when we've kidnapped them. And that Ray finds autographed photo puts them to sleep. Yes. It calms them. Keep quiet.

So what happened was this? When I left for college, my parents, after a couple years, moved to a new house. And so they got this cool, like little condo, nice thing. But my mom felt like I wouldn't enjoy the condo unless she made a room that was my room. Right. So they just built like a weird shrine to you? Well, they built my room, but didn't have anything that was, that I would have.

So my mom found a playbill that I had autographed by Ray Fine. She's like, well, of course, we're going to frame this. That's, he would want that on the wall. Like, so my mom just took all the relics from your childhood and plastered them around. Like a shitty, like a shitty museum curator going, this sounds like a, I believe this would go on the wall. This sounds like a horror movie. This is the opening, like, opening of a horror movie. My mom created my own

fake bedroom with a lot of pictures of myself up Like a lot of like high school graduation pictures This will have emotional residence for the child Wow So Rob where do you want to go next? Current movies Movies that we're going to see in two weeks To three weeks

Well you wait wait ask us We're gonna go Who should who should the next Batman be? Because we're worried about Ben Affleck Do you think Ben Affleck's going to leave Batman? I do think he wants out If Affleck will come on this podcast

Yeah Then I want it to be a Again, I think Ben Affleck showing that he's a smart guy, because I think he's like, you know what, I'm not going to be able to make the movie that I want to make. I want it to be Casey Affleck. I want it to be Casey Affleck. No explanation. No explanation. They look very different.

They're ones like much bigger and older. But I think that it should be Casey Affleck playing Ben Affleck. So in other words, they switch them out, but they don't tell us that they did it. Right. And they leave it up to us to see like, oh. It's like a fun like bonus for the audience. are we talking old Batman we're talking young Batman you tell me where does the franchise go next what do you want to see Morgan Freeman why not he's a great actor but I don't not Morgan Freeman

I don't want to see you're racist I didn't say that that's not come on man black Batman I'm fun with black Batman Idris Elba Batman what's do it I would do that that would be fucking awesome that I just did it Idris Elba Batman would be by the way to go with Batman to make it interesting and different like because we've all heard the Batman origin story I feel like we all have seen I feel like I've never seen his parents die though in a film have they never shown that I've never shown that right now it's like it's like so that was the one thing that I really appreciated out of everything that I didn't appreciate in Batman versus Superman was that like it's did you see that one Rob I have a baby oh my god no I actually heard that that was not a good one

so I didn't see it it's very bad my baby saw it my baby saw it my baby hated it did he say positive things about it? No, James Cameron's like, I'm inspired by people like, and why am I blanking on his name right now? Zach Snyder. Yeah, I did see that. That's horrible. That's hard fun. That doesn't mean, that's more of like a defensive, like, oh, I'm going to, I like you. To be fair, James Cameron, who I legitimately think is a genius. Like, all his films are pretty much amazing. I love the documentary about the Titanic. Classic. But he does say some, like, he said nice things about recent Terminator movies, which objectively speaking have not been good. I think he's looking at effects, right? Do you think that he looks at it like a scientist?

Like the way that, like, George Lucas looks and stuff. I think he's like, ooh, that was cool. Yeah, you know, he's like, that was a cool monster. Like, how do they do that? Yeah, he's not looking at the actual entirety of the movie. I will argue that I love James Cameron. Every movie he does is pretty spectacular. I've never watched Avatar again.

What? Aftar's great. Is it? I really love Avatar. I know it's not cool to say that now. I saw that movie. That was well before I had a baby then? But you'll never see it again.

I loved it. I would see it again. In the theater, I really enjoyed it. I think the 3D in the theater it was really fun. Is it worth going back and revisiting? Well, I say at the time and again, this will not get me much in the way of Cool Factor, but that ship has sailed. I saw

it like five or six times in the theater. Wow. Because it was an amazing experience. Yeah, it was an amazing experience. I've caught bits of it here and there on TV and I think it holds up fine. I mean, I'm not sure I'm ready for four more Avatar movies. I don't understand who's asking for that. Why are we building

a Walt Disneyland based on Avatar? Like, this is not a movie that resonates with anyone. I disagree. I think people like it. You're like that. Who? Have you ever had a conversation with a kid who's like, I love

Avatar? Well, first of all, I don't go around having conversations with kids. Well, he's got the kids in the room and they have Ray Fond's room. Yeah, yeah. I bring them in there. From his children's room. They feel very safe.

They feel very safe. They feel very careful. Are you ready to talk about Avatar with me now? No, but I mean, there's no, like that avatar is not transcended. It's not, it wasn't like Star Wars. I think we can all We can agree

Yeah and like and I feel like It's no John Wick too I agree It's no John Wick too Did you see that one Rob? I saw the first one So I get it I snuck out during the middle of the day To go see John Wick too

I've seen it twice I heard it's great I've heard it's great John Wick is the fucking best movie But you know what they did was It's great with John Wick too though They took all the cool stuff to you liked from the first one And expanded it

What about the killing of the dog I didn't like the killing of the dog Well then you'll like John Wick too Because there's less killing of dogs In the second one There are dogs and less killing of them. Great. I'm on board.

And it's good to see Keanu, a good guy, get his just do. He's a movie star. He's the, I mean, listen. Keanu to me, when used effectively, is the perfect thing. He's a good weapon in the right hands. I think he knows exactly what he is. And he knows his range. And he's like, I'm going to operate in this sweet spot.

See, that's my people love it. That's my disagreement with you. I don't think, I don't think he's that. Because I think he goes all over the board. And then when he grows into the right slot, then it's like, we're ready to go. And there's like Lakehouse. I was going to say, Lakehouse is right spot. Of course, he's going to try to stretch it out.

But I think it's like when he does like, you know, the speeds and the Matrix and John Wick, like he's almost great as like a vessel for like being a physical specimen because he's amazing like action. He could do all that stuff really well. I think you can project a lot onto that face. There's a lot of enigmatic energy there. It's interesting that you said that. People say that about me. Do they? Yeah, a lot of people said that.

I did. I said it. Who do you think of the two of you? Me. Whatever this question is. Okay, let's say Michael Clark Duncan. Who's the most like Michael Clark Duncan? I was going to say that.

RIP. I was going to say who's most likely to murder the other one in this relationship? Ray question. Me. Yeah, I would say you murdering Paul. Well, because Rob has a bunch of civil war guns that is always trying to show people. Yeah, yeah. I got a huge collection of civil war guns.

As many as he has Ray Fines's autograph up. And the thing about Civil War guns is they didn't have the safety mechanism. No, that's why he's always, they are. They're always going off. He's running around the house with gumpowder, biting off the horn, like those little horn things that throw the gum powder in there. Pouring gunpowder down the shoe. I appreciate you dressing up in the paraphernalia today, too. I wasn't told not to dress up for podcasts.

Just so the listeners know, I am wearing a tie. My Confederate regalia. It's time to go. All right. It's time to leave guys. Wait a second. That's a terrible segment. Wait, but we didn't even get to talk about Trump. No, we didn't. Oh, we didn't. How long did we talk about Trump? I saw it in the watch. But for those listening now, it's all been edited out. So a solid minute.

I don't know if people got my full rant on Trump. The jury's out is what. Check my website. By the way, he bought all of the websites that had any possible, did you see that? No. He bought like years ago, like bought like every sort of Trump domain name you could ever come up with. like Trump scam, Trump fraud, Trump sucks. He bought like thousands and thousands of domains.

He's a smarter guy than we give him credit for, I suppose. I would have liked to have been that lawyer just like, bye. Excuse me, you need to present that list to him. Who would be insulting? There was a guy that owned Trump sucks dicks in like Brazil who was squatting in like Brazil who was squatting on it for years and then finally he like gave it up

and then Trump bought it like the next day it's true the guy was like oh fuck I should have held on to it the important thing to take away from all of this beyond the fact that our drive share our world is falling apart is that drive share free comedy free comedy

if they want to pay for it I suppose there's probably some way if you see you on the street give you somebody or whatever save your money for your insurance premium save your money enjoy your insurance don't be so negative about everything watch drive share for free

for free and follow big 100 on Instagram. Thank you for having us on my podcast. No, no, no, that was my podcast. Oh. Do, do, do, do, do do do do the wrap-up song. Here's the ending music of the podcast. This is the end of the show.

Brought to you by Diet ginger air. I do it. I love diet ginger ale, but that's not. All the ginger flavor without all the ginger calories. Shallow pudding pops. Bill Cosby's next week's episode. episode of Happy Tech News. No, that's not true. Why haven't you had the cause on? Well, he's been going through some issues in recent years. We want to see how that... Oh, I had a baby. I'm not

aware. What's been going on? Well, did you hear that Donald Glover got cast as Leonard for the remake of Leonard Part 6th? Thanks for coming, guys. Thank you for having us. And so ends another edition of happy, sad, confused. Remember to review, rate, and subscribe to this show on iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm a big podcast person. I'm Daisy Ridley, and I definitely wasn't fresh to do this by Josh. This episode of Happy, Sad, Confuse was produced by Michael Catano, James T. Green, Mooka Mohan, and Kashamahilovich for the MTV Podcast Network, with additional engineering by Little Everywhere.

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