HardLore - The Great Fast Food Debate

Episode Date: May 18, 2022

Colin and Bo love fast food, but not all fast food is created equal... Especially on tour. They discuss the best and worst options while on the road both regionally and worldwide, culminating in a story about a legendary Christmas gift.   HardLore: A Knotfest Series, Fueled by Monster Energy Edited by Steven Grise • Title sequence by Nicholas Marzluf Join the HARDLORE PATREON to watch every single weekly episode early and ad-free, alongside exclusive monthly episodes. Join the HARDLORE DISCORD for community discussions and to participate in our future Q&A episodes. FOLLOW HARDLORE: INSTAGRAM, TWITTER, SPOTIFY, APPLE FOLLOW COLIN: INSTAGRAM FOLLOW BO: INSTAGRAM, TWITTER   For sponsorship opportunities, email us! [e-mail] Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Welcome. Welcome and hello. It's hard lore time. How's it going, Bo? It's good. I'm sick. I'm sick as a dog, dog. You got the vid?

You find out yet? I do, actually, I haven't found out yet. I don't think so now, because I'm already feeling better. Yesterday I was annihilated. Well, we'll see next one. I got to blow by those. They all just heard the brand new

hard lore official theme song. That's right. Maybe. Recorded in about 45 minutes mixed by the great Brian Batisse. Thanks, Brian. Thank you. Today is a special one. I've been looking forward to this.

This is the official hard lore fast food episode. We're going to talk about where we eat on tour a lot and where we don't eat. Never. Yeah, that's going to be a, oh my God. Oh, my God. That means you're going to tell that story. I have to. Yeah, okay.

You know, I've come to realize recently, I like two things in life. Like, I'm about, I'm like super about two things. Okay. Buying stuff. Yeah. And eating stuff. That's all we got. What else do we have?

What is there? There's nothing else. That's what keeps me going. So, like, you know. I must consume. I must consume. And, you know, as you know, as many know, I've been a real big guy at one point. So, brother loves eating.

That never goes away. I just figure out what to do physically in order to, like, allow that to have. Stay eaten. Yeah. I, you know, I, I eat with, I spent 10 years of my life eating lunch with Brody King every day, you know. Like, he calls me at 2 p.m. and we go eat lunch. Yeah. I could eat that motherfucker.

I can out eat him any day of the week. No kidding. Oh. He, like, blow him out of the water. So this, you know, this is something we're passionate about. It's something we're passionate about. I literally think about food all the time. 25-8, dude.

Straight up. I'm eating dinner and I'm thinking about next dinner. Yeah. So how do we want to do this, you know? Like, do we just say like, all right, favorite? It's the least favorite. Like, what do you, what do you want to do? I've got a list here.

Okay, I got a list. Of some of some of establishments. Okay. And maybe we'll go top to bottom and some personal anecdotes. Yeah, there you go. That sounds good. So let's just do, because this is, this is, this is the reality for every touring person on earth. Is that this is, unless you're bringing meals from a meal service and shipping them venue to venue,

these things we're about to talk. this is what you got. Yeah. For better or for worse, a lot of the time for worse, but sometimes, you know. And don't get us wrong. There's surely, like,

vegan and vegetarian people who will venture into town to go and find, like, the vegan vegetarian spot. But, like, a, like in Harb's Way, we have one vegetarian and one vegan. We're not going to do that because it's just like,

we have a trailer in a van, and James and I, Casey will eat whatever, but me and James, if we're going to get, breakfast. I want what's a fucking breakfast. You know what I mean? I don't want a whatever. So a lot of times. And I think the venturing into town aspect is like that varies by city. Oh, big time. Yeah. And varies by show. Like I don't know. Like with a hardcore band,

you're not pulling up at 8 a.m. in a bus and waiting all day, you know, you're getting there. I'm getting there at 435, 6 sometimes. And it's like, okay, the Arby's around the corner. is all I got. So I guess I'm going to Arby's. We don't need to start with Arby. Let's start. Feels like an Arby's right. A lot of this,

there's these, a lot of these places are regional. Yeah. So you look at the routing and you're like, oh my God. Exactly. I get to go here in this city,

here in this city. This venue has this next to it. It's, and that's my life for 30 days. And then there's also the occasional like, oh, we're going to be in Austin. for two days for whatever reason.

Like we have a day off or we have two shows. And it's like, okay, now we can eat. Now we can find like the place. Or like, oh, we're in Vegas for a day off. Okay, now we can like, where's the spot? Where are we going? That's the thing. Like when you, the time, if I'm getting there two hours before the show,

I'm not touching Yelp. I'm just going to McDonald's. Right. You know, like, but if I'm, if I have adequate time and I know that Roy Choi has a restaurant, like it's, I'm, There. But let's start at the bottom of this list here. There's some regional things here.

Waterburger. How do we feel about Waterberg? I could not care less about Waterburger. I, like, we're just going to start this episode off with some Pete. Yeah. This does not belong in the conversation within and out. I like it. So don't immediately pull out your fucking six shooter.

I like Waterburger. I think it's a Wendy's Tier burger. Really? Yes. I think it's like that kind of classic just American burger type vibe. I like that you can add avocado to anything. See, that's my beef.

That's my beef. Because it's not... You don't like extra stuff. It's not a good American burger like Wendy's is. You gotta... It doesn't come with it. It doesn't come with it. You can add it.

That's what I'm saying. I like it. I like the option. And I get it. I get what you're saying. I ain't mad at you. And I like that they have the chicken options. The chicken stuff is good.

Their ketchup is great. But I'm not going to ride for Waterbury. If I'm, if we're in Texas, actually, Harmsway has a pretty strict rule now of no in and out outside of California. Those are fake in and out.

Those are totally fake in and outs. They don't get the fresh, they don't get the fresh shit. It's not the same operation. What's funny, It's coming from the same farm. It's all coming from the same place, but it's taking a little longer to get there.

It just ain't the same. They ain't been properly trained or something. Something. I don't know what it is. It ain't the same. The horrible one in Vegas is okay. Any of the ones in California are obviously fine. I would say Arizona and Nevada have like,

they're doable. But Texas, you can't go to them. Utah, Colorado. Oh, couldn't pay me, dude. Well. Straight up. Yeah. Yeah, so my answer to the regional like burger spot is Portillo's.

But Portillo's smokes what a burger because it's like it is fast food, but it's like crem d'a crem of what Chicago style of food. They make burgers? Dude. They have these charlboiled burgers that are fucking amazing. But I'm not getting a burger there. Totally. This comes from a lifetime of growing up with it.

Okay. You know what I'm saying? You branch out over the years. So that's like me eat. Like I like the Del Taco burger. Yeah. Yeah. Like most people would be like,

they do that. And I go, yeah, it's called the double del. And it's really good. Yeah, exactly. Uh, cookout.

Dude, don't really give a shit. Had it, had it, wasn't blown away. Will, we'll return. I don't think that's the point,

though, though, you know, it's not like, hey, Gordon Ramsey endorsed this. It's like, I can get,

when I get this tray, I say, I normally get two trays. Alec Faber, from twitching tongues and God's Hate and other bands gets two trays all corn dogs. I think it's like four corn dogs

which is hilarious. I get like two double burger trays. I get some tots, I get some fries, I get a corn dog and something else. That's the fun of cookout. I got you. Just the mixing and match in the combos

and they have like 60 shake flavors or something. I will admit that both with cookout and Bojangles, I don't have enough of. experience to really say because in the areas where those exist, there's also fucking chickfil-a and we don't really have chick-fil-a here. So it's like, yeah, I'm going to eat the thing that I know rocks and not have to, you know. Chick-fil-A for years was like, that was the one for me. Where like if you're driving on the highway and the sign for Chick-fil-A, it's like,

oh, okay. Yeah. Go! Like the whole band is excited. and then, you know, like, I feel like morally I just can't do it anymore. Yeah, I know. And the Popeye's chicken sandwich exists. Popeye's chicken sandwich rocks.

Oh, my God, it's so good. I don't even, I have to customize the Chick-fil-A one because they don't put sauce on it. I have to do stuff. I got to do surgery. See, that's also why it's perfect for me as a plain Jane. Pickles, butter. I get it.

I love their ranch, so I do miss that. but the Popeye's mayo. Do you eat, do you get no mayo? Please. You do? Of course. You never even had the sandwich then. You never even had it.

Had it with ketchup on it, brother. You're sick bastard. That's not a ketchup food. That's, oh my God. Moving on. Ketchup can go on any protein, and I'm fine. I'm fine. You're one of those?

I used to like fully be. I'm not so much anymore. Like a steak and a ketchup. Dude, when I was a kid, I definitely had steak with ketchup a lot. Oh my God. But we're talking about like London broil. Oh.

Meat like medium done steak. Yeah, like the steak that's like, you know, I don't know how to cook this. So I'm just going to do it for way too long. My mom's working two jobs and needs to make dinner. She's not going to fucking salt bay. Dude, my mom had me convinced that London broil was like a five-star meal. Yeah.

I was like eight years old. I was like, holy shit, we're getting a London Boyle tonight. And now I see it on the shelves and I'm like, you fucking dup me. You got me, Mom. Mother! Yeah, so I'm a big, I'm a big ketchup guy, but moving on. All right, moving on. Steak and shake, you know, in a pinch, but I'll avoid it generally.

Usually avoid it, yeah, checkers, like all those kinds of like. The gas station. The, like, what's the one in the gas? Chester's chicken? You ever been that low? Of course. Dude, of course. Of course. And I want, dude, there's the whole, you know, if you're driving from like,

it's basically once you get past Ohio and you go through Pennsylvania towards New York, you're just on that interstate system where it's like you're on the toll. So like you're not getting off to go get food or whatever. You're only stopping at whatever the rest stops are. And it's always the same shit. It's always Roy Rogers. and a McDonald's. And an aunt ands that's closed.

You know, like it's always some bullshit. And it's the same in Canada, too, from Toronto to Montreal, on the queue, whatever. It's always like, Tim Hortons. Yeah, Tim Hortons, an A&W and a McDonald's.

I genuinely like Tim Horton, so that never really bothers me. Like, I like their coffee. And I think their donuts are legit. Their donuts are good. I don't have a problem. So, but yeah, it's just, Chester's got a monopoly on these fucking zones, man.

He's got a, Chester owns your ass once you're there. Tolls goes straight to him. There's nothing you can do. So many times, and this is going to be a huge point when I talk about my worst enemy, so many times I have just eaten like a package of nuts from the gas station in lieu of eating whatever the fast food is.

Same. Which is like, A lot of people are going to be like, yeah, well, of course. But you have to understand, we're talking about like a 14-hour drive day. Yeah. You know, where I'm just-all-I-am. Yeah. All I am is starving that day.

Like, that's the only essence of me during one of those days. It's like, well, I could eat or I could eat. Those are my two options. And if it's the one thing that we will talk about later, I generally will not. I will go without. and have. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh yeah. Absolutely. What's next here? Five guys. You have five guys guys guys? So I would be if it wasn't so expensive. It's too expensive for what it is. Why is it a fucking down payment on a house to get five guys?

I don't know. Obviously, like, I live in California. I have access to five guys. I will never in my fucking. fucking life go there on purpose. On tour, there's been a couple times where it's like, all right, you know, five guys sounds better than Panera. Yes.

So I guess I'll do that. Yeah, that's a dark, that's a dark day, dude. Oh, man. So I'll go to five guys. Yeah. And I'll get that greasy bag of fries. Yeah. Nothing makes me feel worse than that.

They're just, yeah, the pound of potato and grease. I ate a pound of grease and I'm out $30. Yeah, yeah. Come on. They got Coke products, which, by the way, is huge. That is like another reason why my worst enemy is my worst enemy. There's one establishment that carries non-coke products that is the king. Okay.

Because of one specific. Taco Bell. You come on. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fine. The greatest fucking beverage. get a pass for that for sure. They were like, people hate Pepsi a lot.

So let's invent a new soda. Yeah. That will, like, just that will draw people here. It's all we need. It's all we need. And now there's a zero. And that, like, I be going. And the zero's not bad.

It's good. I can barely tell the difference. What's next? I got, guys. I got a couple. Do you? Yeah. One I know we agree on,

but I don't know if you would really call it fast food. Wingstop. If I'm at a venue and I know there's a wing stop around, I am on cloud nine. Simply one of my favorite restaurants. Like one of the best meal, one of the most important things in my life is Wingstop. There's that, like if I'm going to Europe or something, I get home and I'm at Wingstop at 10.31 a.m. Yeah. As you can see from this clip that I once posted, this is me arriving home.

from Europe, going straight to Wingstop, and being greeted by an employee. Hey, Colin, welcome back. Oh, that was great. I grew up in, like, a smaller suburb outside of Chicago, and we got a wing stop in our town. Like, before, we're talking 2002 or something, like, like, a long-ass time ago.

And we just thought it was, like, an only Roselle. That's where we're from, me and Chris. Like, it's all. Only Roselle has these. We had no idea. It was, like, a thing. But man, from the fucking fries with sugar on them. Oh, my God.

The ranch is the, I know that you're not a white sauce guy. But like, this is coming from, I'm a sauceman. Yeah, you're a sauce. My life without sauce would be bullshit. And this is the one. Like, dip in a fry into a little bit of the leftover original hot from the wing and then into the ranch. I'm shocked that you even like wings, not liking white sauces. I'm just a tangy guy.

Think about ketchup and vinegar. So like when it comes to like barbecue, like North Carolina style, that's my shit. Oh, love, love, I would say I prefer Carolina. Yeah, absolutely. So I'm just, I'm just like that end of the spectrum of flavor. There's just something about creamy shit that I don't like. Ever since I was a kid.

When was the last time you tried? You went back and just gave it a shot. Honestly, it happens more often than you think where I bite into something that I ask for no maid. or no ranch or whatever, and they forget. And you're sick and still. You're not like, oh, this actually goes, this is actually the best thing. I would sooner pull a hair out of a burger and keep eating than try to like scrape off the mayo and

just grip my teeth. You just can't do it. Can't do it. It's a mental thing. You think it, you don't, it's not that you think it tastes bad. It's a mental thing. Yeah, because I understand the principle, the principle of like a lot of times in Europe, or like my grandfather would make like German sandwiches or whatever, which was like the

hardest bread that would cut your entire mouth open, a bunch of meat, and then a, like a thin layer of butter instead of mayonnaise, but it's the same. Same principle. It's a barrier of fat to make stuff taste better. And I get that, but I just can't. Sour cream ranch, fucking mayo. Three of the best things, literally of all time. Three of my best friends.

It took me a long time to get into buffalo sauce because I always thought I had a cream in it, but it's just butter and hot. Oh, yeah. That's just like full of butter. Dude, you know, we kind of have no structure to this episode, so it doesn't really matter. You know who's got an amazing buffalo sauce that, like, turned me into a buffalo head recently?

McDonald's. McDonald's. Yeah. Incredible buffalo sauce. Here's the thing about McDonald's, man. You have to realize. Like, people hate them. Like, it's like the enemy corporation, whatever.

everything they have was scientifically engineered in a lab to be the best thing ever. So it's just like, yeah, fuck them like on a moral basis or whatever, anything. It's the best food ever. Yeah. It's the McDonald's fry is better than anything. Emerald, Gordon Ramsey, fucking Rachel Ray. Maybe not Martha Stewart, but the rest of them have ever made. I'll die by that.

I think McDonald's is like. It doesn't matter. It's the automatic goat, you know? It's the goat, dude. It just doesn't matter. It's the one where, I mean, like, if I'm in, like, nowhere, Texas, I'll be maybe, like, fuck, this is going to be scary. Because I just know whoever's working there is, like, does not give a fuck.

Yeah. But, dude, when you're in, like, Germany or something, McDonald's might as well be fucking Morton's. Yeah, just like a. And simultaneously, like, an embassy to home. It feels good. Like, walking in there is, like, a little bit of rest. A little bit, yeah.

A little bit of peace today. Even Burger King in Europe. I typically go Burger King over, because Burger King's more in the UK, isn't it, off the highways? And then it's. I think so, yes. Right? And it's just, like, McDonald's, because the portions are different. Right.

But the Whopper is the same. That motherfucker is big. So, so I know if I'm getting a double whopper in Europe, it's like, okay, I'm actually having like an American-sized meal this time. Because like I said, I can eat. Another thing that's bullshit that people who probably haven't toured or gone to Europe may not think about. And it's the same with Canada.

They have bullshit pop. They don't have Coke. They have a fake clone Coke. If it doesn't have... Dude, anywhere in Europe because they don't have fucking cornmeal. serve. Oh, right. So like even, even on the plane on your way over, you're getting served this nonsense, which like, I don't, oh, I got a great story. No matter what. It tastes, the year was 2016. All of Harmsway, plus like maybe three people were walking around Toronto

and like we went to the mall or whatever. We get stopped by Pepsi Challenge people. And they say, hey, guys, do you want to take the Pepsi challenge? That's my dream, dude. And James and I straight up are like, yes. Like, who? You will not fucking fool me. So I believe there was eight of us total. And we do, we do a blind taste test.

We all pick whichever one. We eight out of eight pick Coke in front of these people. And the, dude, the best part was they were like, okay, well, have a good one. What are you going to fucking do? And it was one of the proudest moments. Just tallying like a thousand and forty two on their little notebook being like, God, damn it, Jeffrey. Like another group. Dude, I.

Yeah. So one of my proudest moments of my band actually. That is very good. I will give Pepsi one thing. This might be in my mind. This might be pure psychosis. I think Pepsi stays cold longer. How could that be?

I you'll have to ask Neil deGrasse- I can't give you the specifics I can just give you my own experience if I if I get a bottle of Coke and a bottle of Pepsi one from Papa Johns and one from Domino's or something

the Pepsi is staying cold longer also this is something I know for a fact the reason places have Pepsi instead of Coke is because Coke knows that their shit is so dope that when a restaurant When the restaurant orders their service, it's up to the restaurant to take care of everything. Right.

Like, oh, okay, here. We'll send you the syrup. You do everything. When your syrup runs out, you got to get a new bag and do the shit. Pepsi physically comes to the places that they service and does everything. Pathetic. Like, like, try hard. You know?

Yeah. Coke is just like, we know our shit is dope and you're going to buy it regardless. So what are your thoughts on Chipotle? I'm so fucking over Chipotle, dude. I understand that. I can understand that. But I only eat Chipotle ever on tour. Admittedly, I have in the last two years.

I've had it, obviously. But on the road, it's like the one place that the vegan, the vegetarian, and me, James, and Casey can all eat without any issue. For that reason, It's great. But, like, I'm married to, like, an at-home Chipotle fan. Like, I'm married to a Chipotle door dasher. So that word gives me PTSD.

I hear Chipotle and I'm in Vietnam. Like, I, it's like... Just CCR. Fortunate son. Yeah, exactly. I'm at war. So I see their logo on my screen here and I feel ill. Just looking at it.

That's a bummer. Because, man, I love that place. And I also, I generally, if I'm meeting it on tour, like before we're playing or something, I don't feel good. Oh, you definitely, you know, if you do a Starbucks Chipotle combo. Oh my God, dude. You got to be prepared. I am glued to the throne for 30 minutes. So no, I'm a no on Chipotle.

Let me ask you this. King of the White Throne. Me, after Chipotle and Starvon. Let me ask you this. Yeah. Out of the big three pizza chains, Pizza Hut Domino's, Papa Johns. Where are you leaning?

Dominoes. Wow. Love a dominoes. Curveball. But here's the thing. Not really for their pizza. So it's kind of... Dude.

Domino's pasta bowls? You're sick. Dude, they're fucking amazing. You're sick. Let me tell you this. You're sick for one. It's a sick thing to do. It's a sick.

I'm not sick. Papa Johns has the best sides in the game. They got a garland. Garlic knot. Oh, amazing. They got a cheesy breadstick that is just like pizza with no sauce. Domino's has both of those. Not as good.

Do they have the Papa John's garlic sauce? Now, there you go. Now that's... Come on. Yeah, that's fire. I'm not arguing. It's insane. So there used to be where I am in Chicago, on my street, like I could hit it with a baseball that used to be a Papa John's.

Casey, my partner in crime, is from Louisville, Southern Indiana, where, Papa's from. So when she would come up, it's comfort food kind of thing, you know? Sure. We'd get a Papa Johns. I had it so fucking much

that I just like, you know. I get it. I got it. Domino's. We never even told that one and the Europe one. Holy shit.

I have a story that I have to talk about in regards to the Europe one so we can tell that one too. Should we do that now? Should we do it now? Yeah, let's do it now. Yeah,

All right. Story time. The year was 2050. Okay, so us at Twitching Tongues, this is the same exact tour from the second episode. It was five weeks of pure misery that codified us as just the hardest steel, okay? Forged in blood and iron, dude. And fucking back pain. And our merch guy at the time, Peter, was walking in Chicago. on North Avenue.

It had to have been. And there's a venue there called Subterranean, which you've played. Many times. And it's, you know, it's... Sweltering high. Yeah, it's, it's Wicker Park, so it's like where all the shopping is

on the west side here and like all blah, blah. And Peter's just walking by and he notices that there was some kind of show going on, and there's a guy outside selling or handing out demos. And Peter's probably wearing like a One Life crew shirt or something. And the guy stopped him. It was like, hey, man, like,

check out my band where Chicago beat down, you know, blah, blah, blah. We're up and coming, we're trying to. And he's like, oh, and Peter's like, oh, really? Like Peter likes kind of heavy music like that, blah, blah, blah. And he was like, yeah, we just got done tour in Europe with twitchy tongues in harm's way and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And Peter goes, no, you didn't.

I was on that tour. And the guy just said, oh, treated. And turned around and walked away. Treated. Now, I want you to think that is that Chicago slang. I don't know. Out of the 12 people who are in that van, the guy happens to stop one of 12 in a city of 5 million people.

And not only that, it's even lower because only 5 of the guys are in that scene. Yes. What are the odds of it? How, and then this, I'm sorry. swear to God, same person later on. I'm not going to say the band name or anything because I don't want to, you know, blah, blah, blah. But at a title fight show, possibly later that year, same guys outside the Metro handing out demos.

Same band? Same guy, same band. Same thing. He's like, Chicago Beatdown, blah, blah, blah. Check this out. Andy from Weekend Nachos produced this with us, blah, blah, blah. and I was just standing there and I texted Andy and asked him

and he said, I have no idea who that is. This man keeps it 99. He's just going, you know? He'd be lying sometimes. That's just his thing. Hey, I'm going to go outside of this venue and just lie for a while. Just lie.

People will like it once they hear the music, it won't matter. But yeah, so that was like a cosmic collision after that European tour where I like, I literally cannot believe the odds of this guy saying, like, yeah, we just got on this tour. Like doing the math of that, like the population of Chicago

versus Peter walking by. That's good stuff. Right, now, where were we when I was sleep talking? Somewhere in Europe. Like Germany or fucking Sweden or something? France, maybe. Were you next to Taylor

when this happened? You know, it's one of those things where we're sleeping in the venue. So it's like, the show ends. Everybody leaves. If you're lucky, somebody mops the floor. And then the sleeping bags go down in the pit. Like, I'm sitting where teeth were lost.

Like spit and beer and... Yeah. A lot of beer. Ground and stage are, like, still warm. You know, it's like that kind of thing. Like, a lot of the time, you're on the stage, too. Like, sometimes that's like, ooh, I know this spot. Yeah, right.

Yeah. I've been here before. Bo, we learned this night does a little sleep talking. Only on tour, I found. Really? Yeah, that's what Casey says I never at home. Like, I rarely, very rarely. It happens a lot on tour.

I think, you know what's crazy is either in this same venue or like one, just like it, same situation we were sleeping in a venue with code orange. Jamie is like a scary sleep talk. Like just noises. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was fucking terrified of him. But yours was something that has stuck with me to this day. Just out of the blue,

1,000% asleep utters, I get it. I got it. And then back to silence. That was it. God, I wonder what I got. What do you got?

Something good. And it's funny that even in your sleep, it's like so your personality. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, no, I get it. I got it. Like, that's, that's, you've said that. Conscious. You just, yeah. You just unlaged a Taylor and me in Europe story of the first night.

Hit it, man. The first night we were ever in Europe, we played S in Germany. And it was a, you sleep. We were all slept in the basement of the venue, but they had cots, which is pretty ideal. Like, that's a love. Yeah, that's fine. When the cot comes out, I'm like, all right. Yeah, we're talking. Yeah. So, um, a few people went out. I think we went out to find out to find out. find pizza. The door closed on a German guy trying to get back into the venue and he went, nine. And it was like, like something that we still joke about to this day, you know. Full nine? Full nine. The whole nine yards. If James was here, he would, he would say yeah.

Because we do it all the time still. The full nine yards. Yeah, that's good. I can't wait to have James on so that you can do the Coke story. Oh, my God. This is hardcore. Okay. I think about that a lot. Yeah, it's great. All right. But hold on.

Back to food. No, no, no. I got to finish this. And so we went out for a while we were walking around and we got back like really late. Everyone else who stayed were already in a bed in cots. I found a cot or I had put my bag down in a blank cot next to Taylor before we had left. So Taylor obviously didn't go out because he's fucking Taylor.

So there's internet. Yeah. So I get in my cot and I realized I didn't bring like a sleepy people. bag or anything and I'm fucking freezing. It's a winter tour. I'm frigid and I'm like looking around and there's Taylor and then there's like someone on the other side of me but I like with my with my cell phone I'm like looking for a blank I couldn't find a thing so I just put on a bunch of clothes and like my coat and just had a

miserable night's sleep and I woke up the next morning I saw Taylor and looked over my shoulder and the person who I thought was behind me was just a pile of blankets. Oh class. It's Shakespeare. It is. It's just brutal. That was cosmic. Those weren't blankets during the night.

Yeah, no. They were like snakes or something. It was a skin walker being like, and then the next day, it just like, it was the fucking coat. It's the coat on the wall that looks like a demon when you're having sleep paralysis.

And then it was just blankets. No big deal. All right, back to food. So of the big three pizza places, I, I'm a Pizza Hut guy. You're a hot guy. I was a hot guy growing up.

The pan, dude. Yeah, that's why I like Jets so much. Jets is like what Pizza Hut was to me in like 97. Yes. Jets needs to be our nation's franchise. What's going on? What's taking them so long? Get out there. I have exclusively played cities this year that have Jets.

So hopefully I can continue that. It's not looking good. let's see you know Burger King I you know this was this was a in Connecticut when I lived in Connecticut Burger King was like

it's like neck and neck Yeah same same It was like all right If I'm having Burger King It's a great day Now if I'm eating Burger King at home I'm like this was a sad afternoon That I can't tell anybody about

Yeah But Europe again Europe or something It's like It's all you got It's godly One time But it hits it hits different there One time we were

Europe and I was really sick. Another, a different European tour. And I was walking and someone from the show was walking with me and she was trying to help me find a convenience store. I just wanted some cold medicine. But in Europe, in England, it's like, no, you got to go to a pharmacy for that. You can't just like. With the big green plus symbol, dude?

It looks like a dispensary. I never wanted to go in there. I'm like, I'm straight edge. I can't go in there. They'll take my card. But we were in, we were in like Margate or like some really tiny town.

Nothing was open. I couldn't find a thing. And I was just whining to this girl. I was like, we've had shit food. I'm fucking sick. It's free. I was just being a baby,

like a total baby. Second European tour. Ever. And she was like, oh, I'm really sorry, but have you ever had Domino's? And I just had to like, forgive her.

She knows not. what she does. You know, like, and I just had to take a breath and be like, okay, it's, I'm going to be all right. Because,

you guys ate dominoes? No, no, no, but what I'm saying is her level of like, good food. Oh. Dominoes.

I mean, in England. Where were you? In England? Margate England. Okay, that's inexcusable. But I will say,

what, dude, ordering pizza in England is like, it's been like $50 to get, like ordering a pizza. Yeah. Like hearing them being like, I call a pizza is like, it's like, damn.

Like, that's half your fucking day's salary. I'm sorry about that. 12 pizzas times 10 bucks. For pizza? All right. Let's see. What do we got here? Oh, dude.

You a panda guy? I fucking love panda. Oh my God. Shut it down, dude. That's the one. That's, I think Panda is up there with like two or three other ones where if it's on the, like, highway sign. Yeah.

It's like, boys, we're eating good today. Or dude, how about this? at an airport. Panda Airport is fucking insane. It's definitely like double the price. Yeah, but I'm fine. I'm fine with it. I'll buy it at a high price.

I went to Europe in eight months ago, six months ago before the end of the year. And in Newark Airport, there's a wonderful Panda Express. Newly renovated, excellent. Oh, man.

Yeah, yeah, like nice. A Starbucks and a panda? Together, if I have like over an hour later over, is like, oh, I'm about to have an amazing flight. Yeah. And feel good the whole time. And feel good. Yeah, exactly. I adore Panty.

Me too. I had a problem for a while, for sure. Too much. I was getting the bigger plate. Oh, yeah. Like twice a day for like three months. This is like post diet, too. Like I was like 175 pounds.

Wow. But this is when I was walking like. I was walking like 20 miles a day, like for exercise. Yeah. Just like, it was like, okay, I want panda in two hours. So I guess I'll start walking there. And I would go to the really far one on purpose. Smash a bigger plate, walk home.

Oh, my God. And this was my, this was my life. Well, I think, I guess. It worked out, but it was like, that's like, definitely like textbook eating disorder. You know. What's your, what was the order? In that era? Yeah.

Triple orange. Yeah. Half chalman. half super greens. Got to balance it out with the green. I'm just a rice guy. If I'm going to go for it, I'm going to go for it. I do like the Lao Miania.

That's a lot. I love that shit, dude. It's like garbage and it's like not, it's like never fresh. It's like dry. But for some reason when you get a little bit of that with the orange shit. Yeah. Oh my God. I really like the terriaki chicken too.

They cut it. That's my other thing. Yeah, me too. That's like, that is like fresh. Yeah. I love it. That's good stuff. That's health food.

I would crush Panda right now, dude. Oh, I might go for dinner. We'll see. Dude, who do I got? This is new to the touring world. So if I was touring now, at the end of my touring life,

Shake Shack started popping up. And that's a great day. It's a good one. You're not a fan? It's not that I'm not a fan. I've just kind of, again, it's a little expensive. It is, but it's, I think the quality of the food, Like five guys has no right to be what it costs.

True. Shake shack, I feel like I'm eating a premium product. Fair enough. I've had, and they do, they have excellent breakfast sandwiches too. I've never had them.

Have you ever eaten a shake shack meal and been like, that was poorly prepared or something's wrong? You're right. You are right. It is an in and out like consistency. But again, I don't think putting them in the same tier together is fair. And in and out still wins.

because it's the most affordable thing. That's all you ever need to know about all of this shit with like labor and minimum wage and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's like, yo, in and out has been paying their employees really well forever. And a double-double managers. It's straight up, dude. And their managers are straight up like rich. You know?

Like they're rich. And then the burger I'm paid. I get like an excessive in my money. of food in and out? Yeah. And it's still 12 bucks. Yeah. I mean.

And I can't do that anywhere else. When we go, you know, we're only ever in California X amount of days. So it's like, oh, a cosmopolitan, two double doubles, fries, and a Coke. You know what I mean? 1237. Yeah, exactly. It's fucking crazy. It's crazy.

It's amazing. Panera is the worst day of my life every time. The grimest. Well, almost, almost grimaced. Yeah. But you know what I feel? I find that there's often there's like a panera, and then there will be like a noodles and company nearby.

Now, that is never an option for me, but noodles and companies fucking wax. Dude, I love noodles and company. There was a minute where noodles and company were doing the like Chipotle, give meals to bands thing. Oh my God. Yes. Huge.

Huge. And that's another place. Dude, that's a place where you can eat keto, vegetarian, vegan, whatever the fuck you want. You can get it all. It's just so regional. It's very regional.

It's hard to find. I wish it was more common. Let's go down the rest of the list here. Chick-fil-A, like we said, that used to be the like, holy fuck, there's a chick-fil-a. Stop the car. I mean, look, it's still the most consistently delicious.

Sure. It just is. Isn't it crazy that we're at mini- minute 42 right now. Just talking about food. Yeah, it is consistent. I mean, they're all well trained. Yeah.

Should we? They just hate the gays, huh? Yeah, I guess so. They can't stand them. They're chicken restaurant. Should we do best meal, worst meal? And then wrap it? Like just on tour.

Like my go-to. Or just like the best time you've had. Oh. I have one. Any food? Any food? Just anything to do with food on tour. So I've now eaten Maddie Matheson cooked meals three times.

Once was when I didn't know him, didn't know who he was, but we played at his venue, parts and labor. His restaurant. Yeah. He made a literal bat of that of spaghetti and meatballs for all the bands. And I didn't realize. didn't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, this, this celebrity chef just made a vat of spaghetti and meatballs for the whole

chef. And I'm just putting it down before playing, dude. And like, like, eating spaghetti and meatballs before playing is, like, psychotic. But I couldn't stop. Second time I ate at parts in labor was we, he did like a eight-course meal for God's hate for $50 a person. Oh, which is like, yeah, yeah, obviously. That ain't even paying for the food.

No, probably. And that was briefly the best meal of my entire life until he cooked for me again here. And that was the best meal I've ever eaten. So he... Worst meal. Ah. Oh my God, dude.

I don't even know how to describe this thing. I got it in a vending machine in the Netherlands. It was like a fried, soy spaghetti ball. Okay. It had like an Asian zing to it.

Okay. But it was a fried ball of spaghetti. It was the worst thing I've ever consumed. Like on purpose, by accident,

anything. I took one bite and it was like, whoa, nothing is worse than that. That's crazy. And like I,

I'd probably never been hungrier than I was in that. that moment and I couldn't. I was like I immediately threw up. Really? Yeah. Oh, like reflex throw up.

Not like I'm sick. Oh, my shit. It was like like this is so gross that I threw up. So yeah, the fried soy spaghetti ball from the Netherlands win. And you had that ready to go. Now I'm like, now I'm like second guessing. Yeah, it was scary.

Best meal I've ever had on tour was, dude. We were, we were on cloud nine. We post-humid had just come out. and it was the headliner tour for it. So we're doing well. You know, like the billboard shit was like the same week. We're rocking. We have a day off in Vegas.

Chris Santos is a fan of the band, has a restaurant in the Cosmo. Got us a table at, like, it wasn't the chef's table, like, in the kitchen, but it was like the VIP table. And we got a fucking VIP treatment. And it was like three kinds of steaks, two kinds of fish, every dessert.

Like all the sides, and starters, chef Kyle came out and like, I was going guys, blah, blah, blah. And like, just got absolutely pampered to a point where like, I don't think, because of all the other stuff with like the record being out and like

we had just left like that LA show at the hi-hat was like one of our best shows ever. So we're just like fucking on top of the world eating this amazing food. And it was like, dude, those are the moments where you're just like

Look at me, Mom. Yeah. I did something, Mom. Like, if only Vice Principal Harris could see me now, those are those moments. Yeah, we both had them with famous chefs, so that's pretty cool. Worse meal. There's a place in Pittsburgh called the O. That's just like a...

The oh, no. Yeah, straight up. But it's just like a greasy food spot, like that, you're not. You can come and eat late or whatever. And the guys got, I didn't eat it. So, well, I had some of it, but it wasn't my, like, order. They got a cheese pizza with half with mushrooms on it. And John, I remember.

Gross, obviously. Well, I love mushrooms because I'm an adult. But John picked up. Oh, yeah, okay, fucking Mr. Ranch mayonnaise. He picked up, he picked up a slice and just everything just fell off. And then. Everyone did the same and just kind of ate bread. And there was just a pile of goop on the table.

You didn't put the cheese. You didn't even attempt to put cheese back on pizza. It was so disgusting. And like slimy and greasy, 2 a.m. Filthy. What city was this? Pittsburgh, PA. The O.

I mean, I've never heard. Nobody's like, yo, Pittsburgh food is this shit. Dude, Joe Goldman. You gotta go to Pittsburgh. Joe Goldman once told me that Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh style pizza smokes Chicago style pizza. He is out of his fucking mind. He literally had CTE so bad that he couldn't play a show on a tour.

I have a screenshot. You're going to listen to him about food. Listen to this. I will say about Pittsburgh. The Big Mac was invented in Pittsburgh. Oh, is that true? One of the greatest meals of all time. Guess what I've never eaten?

No. It's got the sauce. It's the same as in and out sauce. You get no sauce in and out. I'm ending this episode. Dude, I don't. Are you fucking serious? I don't like mayonnaiseing.

It's not white. It's yellow. But it's in there. You're in there. So it's like a piece of shit. So like mayo, for me it extends to like tuna salad, potato salad, like all that, anything. I'm not even mad at that.

This is not the same. It's tangy, dude. You like tangy shit. But it is, it is strictly tangy. But knowing. knowing that there's mayonnaise in it. Dude, okay, this is a good way to wrap. My first job ever.

Subway sandwich artist. Oh my God. You were an artist? Roselle, Illinois. Yes, sir. That was my first job. I can't believe it. 625 an hour.

It's big money back. One of the things I had to do, make the tuna fucking and seafood salad for the sandwiches. So you're sitting there stirring it just like, Dude. 10, 10 gallons of mayo. Oh, my God. No exaggeration.

Subway is the worst piece of shit motherfucker establishment. And briefly, there was more subways than McDonald's worldwide. What I looked up says that it is still. Oh, my God, dude. Something is wrong. Because here's what's fucked up. It smells the same in every place in the world. You walk by a subway, you know exactly what you're walking by.

That's a problem because it's not a good smell. No. It's like stale, bake bread. Water vegetables. They're not even artists. Like, I'm picking. I'm the fucking artist. You're a tracer, dude.

I did this. Straight up. Worst place. No offense. So this is a place that is. straight up my worst enemy. I have straight up just not even eaten while the rest of the band got Subway.

Because I can, I cannot eat there. I'm notorious for that, too. Everybody's like, come on, dude. Like, I know you can get, you could get like a chicken breast on whatever. Like, you can make something that's less bad, but straight up. It's the principle.

It's the principle. I ain't going in. I won't do it. They're not getting my money. Great good cookies. Great cookies. We'll give them that. And they got sun chips too

And I rock I rock sun chips Love a sun chip But if it's in the art bar The sandwich art bar It ain't touching my lips Pepsi products And fucking It's tell them about the

Tell them about the gift that you got So my My girlfriend's parents Are super generous Around Christmas time It's like their shit They love it They love a gift

and I love getting a gift. Oh, what's better than that? Nothing back. Getting a gift? Come on. They're really into like, oh, here's some, like a Mariano's or Kroger gift card for groceries. Here's gas, whatever, just like random Texas Roadhouse. Huge. That's a fucking gift card.

Casey and I love Texas Roadhouse. Yeah. And really, really into that. And the first year, I got a subway. gift card. I'm going to be polite. You know. Thank you. Oh, okay. Thank you so much. You know. Yeah. The next year,

more in the dollar amount subway gift card. So I... What a brilliant bit, dude. So I got to tell Casey, I'm like, you know, tell your mom, like politely. Like, I worked there and I just have a thing about it. I can't eat it. Whatever. It doesn't matter. We don't need to go deep into my reasoning about subway.

but, you know, it's never stopped. To this day? To this day. No. Maybe not this most recent Christmas, but that may have been like a COVID thing. Okay, but tell the listeners the amount. Oh, dude. Is it tacky?

No, it's, that's the funniest part. A hundred dollars. A hundred dollars to Subway. When she paid for that at the register, the artists were like, holy fuck. We're actually selling $100. Like the people that work there were like calling corporate like, sir, we sold a $100 gift card. They had a party in the fucking office that day.

The ball drops. Nobody in history has ever bought a $100 subway gift card. And after that, after you told us that story, Leo, for two years, every time we saw a subway on tour, we'd go, oh, can you sign a subway? I have a gift card. Because the idea of that was so absurd. To me, to this day, bless them for being like, you know what, there's a lot of Subways out there.

This would be a good gift. Exactly. They probably Googled like most commonplace. Exactly. What would be the most helpful to him? Exactly. But $100 to Subway is to me the most offensive thing I can imagine. I would, like, if a friend was like, I got this gift card, I'd slap him with a glove.

You fucking crazy, man. We're dueling, you son of a bitch. That's $25 footlongs. Unbelievable, which does not exist in this economy anymore. It's probably like the fucking $9. $9. $9. I asked a couple of our buddies their go-to-fat.

This is what we can. We'll end with this. Okay. Sounds good. Speaking of Maddie Matheson, I'm asked Maddie Matheson his favorite fast food item. This shocked me. Can I guess? Yeah.

Because I'm a fan. I watch all his YouTube shit. Is it the Arby's sandwich? No. It's the Wendy's Dave's classic add onion and pickle. I love a Dave's. I like Dave's double personally. But this is over in and out.

I asked him to clarify. Wow. Respect. Never frozen. I mean, he's a food. He's a real sandwich art. He knows a shit. So he does.

But I can't. Do it there. Andy Williams, who was just on the show last week. Yeah. Del Taco. Dude, we didn't even talk. I mean, we kind of did, but Del Taco is a regional thing that I would kill to have here. It would do so well in Chicago.

I would. You know what's funny is Portillo's exists here now. I know. I know. It's not close. And for a while, I was going weekly. Was it like the Oxnard one? No, it's in Buena Park.

It's right next. and Knott's Berry Farm. Oh, okay. And I'm like solid hour away. Oh, wow. And I was there on the rig. They knew me. There's a lot of weird regional shit that exists in, around Phoenix and Chicago.

So, like, we have Chiba Hut, which is a weed-themed sandwich place. That's really good, but yeah, gross. That exists there. They have Luminati's and Portillo's there. Wow. Because of the Cubs spring training. You ever had, you ever had Culvers? Yeah.

I've had Colvers. Oh, man. You like Culver? I love Culver's. Holy moor. You got to maybe. You know, Colvers is like gestures to me. Dude, this is going to make James very upset. He loves Culver.

We all, I mean, dude, it's like a Wisconsin-based thing. Really? Yeah, so like. Maybe I needed to try it again. Dude, butter. I was mad. Butterburger. They have their own Rupy.

Butter burger. Yeah, baby. Let's go. It's great. Well, I guess. We'll be getting some Culvers sometime soon. That's it. I'm sorry.

I have one celebrity chef's response. You're not going to believe this either. So Chris Santos, who I talked about before from Chopped, and he works with Metal Blade and has his own label, the black-like media that he does with his own bands. Awesome guy into metal and was literally responsible for us being introduced to Brian Sliple. His favorite. I want to quote.

quote them directly so that I Best fast food in the game in my opinion Oh wait he says I'm a sucker on cheat days for five guys burger Double bacon double cheese Best fast food in the game in my opinion way better than in and out and Shish out and Shish out. Oh my God He buried you dude

I'm sick and I'm sick and dude He likes him he never I'm stunned Wendy's Wendy's over five guys all day. So I'm still a maddie guy, I guess, over everything.

That's, that is, in a word, shocking. I don't know a five guys person in real life. I don't know, like, a real guy who's like, dude, I'm going to five guys. Like, I've never been asked. Neither do I. But I guess they're out there. I don't know any millionaires. I'm going to know a couple.

I don't know what they're doing. All right. Well, that was fun. Yeah, come on. This is good stuff. All right. Thanks, everybody for watching. Please send us some stories via email.

What is it? Notfest Hardlore at gmail.com. All one word. Tell us a story and we'll react to what we would have done, what we think, whatever. I mean, the possibilities are endless. They're all, this is a procedurally generated show. This can last forever. There's so many stories out there.

Exactly. But for this week, that's it. Thank you. Let us know your favorite fast food. And if you agree or disagree, and if you like Five Guys for some reason. So we'll see you next week. All righty.

Bye. Bye.