HardLore - The HardLore Christmas Special

Episode Date: December 22, 2022

It's HardLore Time! Welcome to the first ever HardLore Christmas Special. Colin and Bo exchange Christmas gifts live and in-person during SOS Booking's For The Children festival/toy drive. There'll be scary ghost stories and tales from the glorious Christmases long ago. HARDLORE POLAR BEAR SHIRT: https://knotfest.com/shopify/hardlore-polar-bear-shirt/ CROCHET WRESTLERS: https://www.etsy.com/shop/CrochetWrestlers / @Melotica.rt on IG   HardLore: A Knotfest Series, Fueled by Monster Energy Edited by Steven Grise • Title sequence by Nicholas Marzluf Join the HARDLORE PATREON to watch every single weekly episode early and ad-free, alongside exclusive monthly episodes. Join the HARDLORE DISCORD for community discussions and to participate in our future Q&A episodes. FOLLOW HARDLORE: INSTAGRAM, TWITTER, SPOTIFY, APPLE FOLLOW COLIN: INSTAGRAM FOLLOW BO: INSTAGRAM, TWITTER   For sponsorship opportunities, email us! [e-mail] Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hello, welcome. It's Hardlore Time and it's Christmas time. So that means you're here for the very first ever Hardlore Christmas special. What's up, Bo? Hello's Bo. Christmas. Wow, let's get you a chair, brother. So here we are in person, live for Christmas. In your office. In my office. What do you think of my office? It's amazing. This looks so good in person. It looks good on there too How are we all doing? Merry Christmas Everybody, thank you for watching. Thank you for listening. Bo is here for The Children. Harmsway played yesterday. It was incredible. It was really good.

It was a lot of fun. It's a really cool fest. That was one of the best Harmsway sets of all time. I have heard that from multiple people. You didn't think that? You know how it is. We did the math. I said this to you, but we did the math and that was our eighth show in three years,

which is pretty crazy. when any other time prior would be like, oh, that was our eighth show in eight days. Right. You know what I mean? Normally. So, like, kind of crazy to shake off the rust. Felt a little rusty.

The what? Feeling, feeling real rusty. Really? At the moment. My back. Oh, you're fucked up. That one jump really fucks you.

Here it is. Look at it. See how I landed? Yeah, it was brutal. But what do we got? So. Because, you know what? It's not who.

We got each other. We got Christmas. therefore we got each other some gifts that we wanted to open for each other live on the show. We don't know what they are. We don't know what they are. This is fun.

They're all wrapped and ready to go. And we're 30. We're in our 30s. We don't wait anymore. We're not doing this at the end of the episode. I want to know what I got. You want to know what you got. Let's get into it.

It's Christmas time. Let's start with the card. Well, I want to, I'm going to start it off right for me. Oh, well. If you don't mind. The time has come. Crack it open. Oh, cribizer.

Merry Christmas. No fucking polar bears, but this will do. Let's start with the cards. See, look at this. I wrote his name. I drew a little snowflake. As a, as an O. Open it up.

I didn't get him a card. So I feel a little bad. I didn't think about, I don't really think about cards. I hope you have a happy holiday. a full of delicious food. Muffin Man, gingerbread man. Tell them, tell them what it is. It's a subway gift card and shit in a toilet.

Subway gift card for both. What is this though? What is that? That's a $50 gift card to Bo's favorite coffee shop right down the street from his apartment. Oh, collectivo? Yeah. How'd you do that? I'm good.

But wait, what... That's real, too. That's real, too. Well, how much? 25. He got 25 bucks a subway and $50 to his favorite coffee shop. Thank you. You're welcome. It's really good. My turn! Alright.

Alright. I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. Alright. Because this one is good. Okay. I'm really happy about this one. This was the first thing I got. I decided out real quick. This is the cool gift. Not the ha-gift. Okay. Here we go. Naring for the audio listeners. It's a bag. It's a bag.

It sounds like a shirt. Yeah, she was kind enough to wrap this for me. She's very good with it. You're going to love this. Just you wait. Just you wait and see this man's vibe. Brother, it's you. Look at what he's doing.

I do this all the time. Sleeveless, half backwards. And let me tell you something else. Stad of shades on? I got something else for you. Wow. I changed. You didn't even know.

Wow. So you sent me, okay, full transparency, we designed a hard lore polar bear Coca-Cola Christmas shirt. It's got to be really sick. Here it is. Wow. And he was sending me reference photos of these shirts just as like theoretical. You have these already? So I was like, well, when we do this episode, I'm definitely going to wear my Coke shirt.

Okay. And then it's like, oh, that's, I should get a column one. It's an XL printed on Coke. Wow. Printed on Coke. Coke. That's a great gift. He's sleeveless. He's holding a six-pack. You did good. Thank you. You did. I was, that was really, that was on eBay, inexpensive, too. Great. Perfect gift. Exceptional work. Let's do this one first.

What is this? You son of a bitch. This is, it begins. It really begins now. Is this the rib? We're having fun now. I'm opening a bag. I got a hat. It's Abraham Lincoln's hat and beard because you got no lies. I got no lies and no riffs and four score. This works. You got to keep it on for a little while. Oh, it's staying on.

Okay, good. Wow. No lies for this man. You cannot tell me. Oh, in a bow tie. Oh, perfect. Just put that on. Are you kidding me right now on Christmas?

I got a little ponytail on. There it is. Perfect. You can't see the bow time, but Trust me, it looks great He looked like this No lies in this man Now physically you can tell

Never, no one's Good job Alright, so This is This is the funny one So this is gonna take This will be some editing And I have to spoil

A little bit of pompor Okay But just a little bit Just a little taste Okay So Right about here Colin's gonna splice in a clip

I'm sending him Is there a warm season here or is it titniply or Burning Alive? Yeah. What? Colin. What? Oh, shit. See?

Revenge has... I just got... I just got... I just got hoarse by a fellow named Charlie. Oh my God. Oh! Right after I said Burning Alive. And it's the clip of when you walked into a certain something.

Oh, man. And I laughed, as you can tell in the clip, for a solid, like, because we cut, but I laughed for three minutes. Yeah. And when we put the episode out, you'll see that it becomes a thing. So it's relevant. And also, when I was deciding on your gifts, fresh back from that. Oh, absolutely. So it is.

I watched that clip when Sean sent us the video. I watched it 20. Really? I could not stop laughing because your reaction is so, oh. Like, it's so. So I got you something. Okay. Give me a new leg?

I got you a square leg. Just tearing it. Look at that. This is the pole I hit on the leg on. In Salem? It's signed by Charlie. Who's Charlie? You got a horse by a fellow named Charlie, brother.

Are you kidding me? Sean sent me the highest threat as I could, and I figured it looking kind of shitty is, you know, it's kind of funny. This is some extra lore when the Salem one comes out. Here it is. This guy fucking. ended my life caused weeks of confusion and pain possession. So we have to put a little bit of

that clip in the episode. Yeah, I'll put it in it. Okay. Here it is. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm okay now, but I wasn't. Look at that. All right. Why is it the one crooked one too? It's the one crooked one. It is. Yeah. It's facing that way to kill you. Oh, it's so funny. All right. Here's part two of this. Oh no. Is, is it like a how to play guitar so I have riffs now. It's songwriting for them. Oh yeah. Using chords and songwriting chapter 10. That's good stuff. I can't wait. You got no lies, you got no riffs, but maybe I got something to read on the plane. Maybe we can make one of them happen. Merry Christmas. All right. This is this is great now because you're being going to be going to be.

and read that out loud open second to last you a bastard man because it's what you it's funny I I knew it was good and this is gonna be good because you're gonna be like what the fuck is this it's this is an accessory to the final gift this isn't gonna make any sense this is a little shaggy dog you know but there's a pail so not really that shape okay I just want to know these are cool okay I swear this thing you're gonna love I promise I'm sure it's just tied. It's not.

Amazon gift wrap. Bezos did this himself, man. Sally Jane, St. Jeff. Jesus, Christ. There is. Songwriting for dummies. How do you even find that? Is it old?

I don't think so. 2022 edition. Second edition. All right. Always wanted one. 2020, yeah, you're right. It's a stand of sorts. It's a stand of sorts. That's really all you need to know for now.

Okay, it's a stand of sorts. It's a two-parter, trust me. Okay. I know what this is. You son of a bitch. You do? Not quite. Because it's, you'll see. Let's over it up. Let's see what it is. Is this the one from TikTok?

No, no. Let's see what it is. So read it, read it what it says inside. Oh, shit, I'm sorry. Out loud. No, no, it's inside the case. Clearly. A Warby, a Warby case.

One pair of your choice of Warby Parker's. If. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. It says, must tell Morpheus story. So here we go. When we were in Boston, this, a couple weeks ago, Bo and I went to Dunkin' Donuts, the first night. With Sean.

With Sean. Or the first morning, you should say. Right, right, right. Uh, you know, we're wearing our normal things. He's in, I'm wearing some earth tones looking like a guy. He's, he's in his full goth black, black head to toe. Who's wearing my Levi's? Black head to toe.

Before we take the first picture outside of Dunkin' Donuts, bow pulls out round circular sunglasses and puts them on. Which, you don't see those every day, especially on a guy dressed in black, head to toe. so my Bo is Bo is like not listening We're doing something I hear everything

And I And Sean is like trying to get us positioned In front of the Duncan sign And I say Okay come on Morpheus Let's stand right here And Bo In a moment of

What would you call it? Rage-filled shame Rage-filled shame Takes them off of his face and crushes them in one hand. I really did. And it throws them in the trash. No camera rolling is the only shame.

But it's how you know I'm authentic. I'm real. Both Sean and I were like, and my first incident was like, oh, Morpheus is cool. Yeah. Are you going to tell me Morphus isn't cool? Like, that's not a dis.

They're circular. Yeah, they're not resting inside your eyeballs, but they're round. But now I felt bad. and I didn't want to pick out one you didn't like. I just want to note that he felt so bad that about an hour later I got a text from Bullying that said, let's see the sunglasses, Morpheus. I felt bad.

So I was like, guys, I've made a mistake. Guys? You told multiple people. No, no. Well, Brody's kind of two guys. He's Nate sometimes that he's Brody. Definitely not a group chat. He's two people.

But yeah, I didn't want to pick out one because it's subjective. Warby's very nice. one ride my neighborhood. Well then you're there you go. I think it's a hundred bucks. Pretty cool. Yeah. Okay. I spared no expense this Christmas. This is the first ever Hard Door Christmas special. That's your last one for me, right? That's the last one for you. Perfect. This, um, it looks like we might need some. No, no, no, no, you'll be good. Okay, this is the thoughtful gift. Okay. I, we will have a plug because it's a custom made thing. We need a plug? Oh, no, no, no, like a plug on the show. Oh, okay.

for the uh for the lighting Melissa are yeah for Melissa it's just the display there here I don't want my keys all good open it face time perfect

this is what the stand is for wow there's one more you get me a little bone yep look at that how good is that it's us

I'm the ball this is really This is really impressive. So Melissa normally makes wrestling. Oh. She makes wrestling crocheted guys, and I asked if she would make some custom hard lords. Wow. And sure enough, she did.

These are really good. They're really good. And she made you with a piece of pizza and a bastard shirt, no sleeves. She's correct. She's got your green hat. I do have a green hat. She got me in a Metallica shirt and black, everything else. Your arms are crossed?

Arms are cross. Me, I'm not more, please. I'm bow I can't tell the lie This is pretty good And then the figure stand It should be on one And you can like

Have both standing My Let's see the height rate Yeah you're a little A little taller So here's a plug for Melissa's shop Thanks Melissa These are awesome

Very good stuff All right you ready to have your fucking mind Blown in half Can I fly with whatever this is Okay Well that's great I gotta ship it. It's gonna be a special.

What is it? This is a big old... What is it? It's... It's... Oh, shit! Is it Narsil? How do I...

It's... Sorry. Dude. Wow! I got him sting. I don't have... Ooh, I don't have any movie replica shit in my... like not one and because Casey is a psychopath and had weapons I have I have a

holster on the wall already I think it might come in there's a little wow right here is a little decorative display look at that's Frodo and Bilbo's sword sting this is great oh I know this is fucking cool there's no Orks nearby or it would be blue. It'd be blue as fuck. Well right now you're safe. This is my first ever movie like anything. How does it feel? It feels it's heavy. It's heavy. Let me see it? You've seen it before. Yeah this is good. That is good. That's gonna be expensive. The ship? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. But that's Christmas. Thank you. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.

Do you like you? Yeah, this is awesome. Aren't they cute? The pizza? You kidding me? pizza's good most pizza I eat has eyeballs and stuff yeah this is really she got the goatee so that's

Christmas is is everything it's the best you know I know and I know it's funny is I've known that Harzway shared that sentiment

since like the moment I met you guys I just feel like it's a topic that got brought up of James just being like yo honestly yeah Christmas fucking sick

I want to get that for you. It's my fucking spot, bro. Yeah, it does. Never tell you that story? No. What time right before bed, James loves a carbonated Bev right before bed, and it's often a Diet Coke, which is wild.

Yeah. One time he said, sometimes, Seltzer, it's my fucking spot, bro. Is he wrong? No, but. Seltar is good.

Especially when you're in that situation, like a Sprite or a Seltar before bed. Puts me right now. So my thing with Christmas, is like obviously I think the commercial pressure sucks. Sure. You know? And I think the religious shit sucks.

Yeah, but who is even thinking about that anymore, you know? Every other aspect is the best. The best, dude. The actual best. And it starts Black Friday and it ends New Year's Day. Yeah. After Thanksgiving dinner. Yeah.

It's Christmas time. Half of Christmas movies take place in Chicago. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. Yeah, it was always really special. And I also grew up. There's a thing in Chicago where, like, you meet people from elsewhere where they don't know all the John Hughes movies or haven't seen like Ferris Bueller and stuff like that, like even non-Christmas movies, and it's always very confusing. Or like Wayne's World.

People haven't always seen Wayne's World, or it's like. But yeah, Christmas was always really special. My mom, it was always me and my mom. And she never worked. She worked like cubicle jobs, you know. And somehow, always, that tree was fucking stuffed, brother. Yeah. It was amazing.

My mom did a really, really good job with Christmas. Always made it special. A highlight was getting raw tickets for, you know, six months later because it was like July for Jericho's fucking debut. Wow. That was a Christmas present. Yeah, let's talk about. Best Christmas presents. I, I, okay, this is good.

So what, let me rethink because I don't want to say the Jericho thing because I just said it. So what is your favorite Christmas like, wow. I have a couple. come to mine. Because again, like, just like you said, my dad kind of no matter what else was going on in his life, just like made it work.

Later, our oldest brother told us like, yeah, he was maxing out credit cards. Like, non-stop. Just fucking his life up for the year to make Christmas awesome. Yeah, he's the best. There's a couple that come to mind. I think the first one I very vividly remember

is like 96 or 97. Whenever Pokemon first, like, it really exploded. Yeah. Like, getting both of those was like... Red and blue? Red and blue? Was like, yeah. Because Taylor had already had red, and I wasn't allowed to play it.

Because you might fuck up his save. Because I might fuck up his save. So he got... So that year I got a Game Boy color. I think it was a color or a mini. Pocket, maybe? Advanced. No, advanced was right.

Yeah, you're right. I think it was a Game Boy Pocket. It was called. Just not the Fat Game Boy. No. The first... So Taylor had that one. I had the first little one that was backlit.

And I had Pokemon red and blue. Those were the first games I ever played on there. Was there much of a difference? There was only, like, minor differences, right? Like, one extra Pokemon? Yeah, no. It's like a few aren't in... Like, a few aren't in certain ones.

I definitely played both back-to-back, even being like, oh, it's the same game. I still just did. Yeah, because the second one, you're killing it. Oh, you're just like, I'm fucking awesome. Yeah. And then it was funny. It was another Game Boy thing.

When the Game Boy Advance SP came out, he like got me that and like six games with it. I lost it a week later. No. And I just very vividly remember opening those things and being like, I have everything in the world that I will ever need. Right here. You're saying.

And lost them all. Stolen, rather. But I shouldn't, I didn't need to bring it where I brought it. That's brutal. As a kid, you know, you're just. bringing shit places. Yeah. And somebody took it.

Walgreens or something. Yeah. The last one. Yeah, please. Last one. We moved to California, January 2004. A week after Christmas. My dad knew we were super bummed about moving to California.

Lived in Connecticut before. At this time, electric scooters were all the rage. I remember. Kids were scooting around. which was insane. They were huge. They were very big and like you're riding in the road. And you're literally a child.

Like you should not. And I guess you can only really do it in residential streets. And there's no bike lane. There's no bike lane. Cars are just like, that's a kid on a on a Vespa basically. But it was like they were popping off. Every kid had one. And the funny part is Taylor and I,

shared room or I think we slept in the same room because it was Christmas they were like you guys you can't be peeking you know so we were just

like up late talking and listening oh my god how fun yeah that was our that was like our whole childhood um

my brother Aaron is helping our dad move all the how much older is he than Taylor he's 11 years older than me oh okay so so seven years old

than Taylor yeah okay while bringing the scooter in, honks the horn. And it's like the loudest single noise anybody's ever heard. Like, Taylor and I do a jump scare.

And I'm so stupid that I'm like, what was that? And Aaron trying to cover it up. It says, that is a nice computer. Like as loud as he possibly can and it works. Because I was sitting there like,

what kind of computer would make that? noise. Oh my God. He got me with that. So I got the scooter. We moved to California a week later. My dad said, okay, right, let me see you ride it. I didn't stop at the stop sign. So he was like, you can't ride it. It rained a few days later. Never worked again. Oh my God. Was it one scooter or did you get each get one? No, I got the scooter. He was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was, he was past that. He was like, no, I want to. I want to CD player. Yeah, right, yeah. I want another CD player. Wow. Those are those are the big three that stick out. Um, childhood wise. Okay. Yeah. What do you got? Uh, I'm, I'm going to include the

Jericho thing just because it was awesome. It was the height of the attitude. Yeah, that's awesome. It was the height of my love for wrestling and my mom and I would watch wrestling like every Monday. Speaking of which, it was pre. Oh yeah. This is what Mr. Burry King got me for Christmas. To Colin from Sting. It's Showtime from Sting. Unbelievable. What a gift. An actual legend who's still killing it.

Two stings in this room. Two. So that was great, and it ended up being Chris Jericho's debut. Yeah, that's fucking awesome. That's easily in the top. Yeah, that's incredible. In the top discussion. The next thing that comes to mind, a purple GameCube.

Right when it came out. Wow. And with it, Super Smash Bros. Oh, wow. And I lost my goddamn mind. it's all I did. And that's still like the flagship. It is.

Yeah. It was perfect. It was perfect. And to the point where like, I don't remember what other consoles were out at the time. I don't think Xbox was out yet. GameCube? Yeah, no, for sure. The first Xbox was.

And PS2 obviously was out. And I remember bringing, like you said, I brought my GameCube because it had a handle. To my friends and they like hit it. No. Just to lightly like mess with me. But they like, it was so small. that they hit it. It was easy to just pick up.

But it was great. And I regret to this day selling that thing. I loved that thing. GameCube. I'm trying to think of... I got a GameCube way later. Like basically right before the Wii came out, I got a GameCube. So it was like I kind of missed the whole generation, but still played all the good shit.

Dude, the wrestling game, Day of Reckoning for GameCube. Day of Reckoning. It was so awesome. I have very high hopes for the AEW wrestling game If it's anything like Wrestlingmania 2000 or No Mercy It seems like it is I think that's the vibe

Because those games were excellent Yeah and I don't They're just so Just stupid pick up and play Yeah intuitive I recently I got the newest WWE2K game And like

I buy them all I just can't figure it out The worst time Yeah it's terrible Yeah I remember and then video games. A lot of video game stories.

I remember the Super Nintendo. I remember getting a Super Nintendo. And dude, it was like, so I would spend like the week before Christmas with my dad because I would see my dad every Thursday. That was our visitation. So it was like the Thursday before Christmas, so the 19th or 18th or whatever 18th

was my Christmas with my dad. And so what was great is like I would get back to his week. My dad would drive 30 minutes from Palatown. to Bloomingdale for anyone from the Chicagoland area back to Palatine we'd have our visitation back to Bloomingdale to drop me off and then he would drive back home

he did the mileage calculation one time and it was fucking insane but what are you gonna do and when he got me from school and we got back to his place for our Christmas thing tree was done fucking Charlie Brown Christmas was playing no no joke like my Chicago Bulls cup that I loved

was like ice cold milk was in it Because my dad had a roommate who, like, helped him get everything in order. Wow. We were really into these, like, car, you know, like the track cars, we were just like, ring. We got those, and I'd already had them, but they were set up around the tree. He made it special. You know, he made it cool, and we only had so much time. And the first gift, and probably the only gift, because budgetary stuff, obviously.

Super Nintendo. With, like, Super Mario World. I remember a ninja. Gaden, which was impossible. Guidon. Guidon, excuse me. And probably Donkey Kong Country. Wow. I believe. I remember

playing that with, like, tinsel around. Like, I can, like, remember, you know. That's the vibe. Yeah. That's funny, because the N64 makes me think of Kraft mac and cheese. Really? Because I, like, I never did one without the other. Yeah. So you think of tinsel

when you think of the Supernizabeth. When my dad, my dad also got me the N64. Because it came out, like, a week after my birthday, and somehow he got one, which is pretty crazy. That is cool. And he did like a ha-ha, and he was like, here you go.

And he wrapped a bag of garbage. Just as a bit. Yeah, he ribbed me. Parents love a good thing. But then it was, and then it was like, oh, will you get my coat out of the closet, and I opened it up, and there's an N-64 in the classic packaging

with Golden Eye. Wow. And Super Mario. Mario 64. So, do you have a Christmas story of when you were expecting or hoping for something

and got swerved. This isn't to say that any Christmas gift is a bad gift of course, but when you're young, you're a kid and you're excited and you open up socks, now we get socks and it's like... Oh my God. Yeah, it's the best,

but my mom would always get me socks. It was like, it became a bit, but I would open it some years and be like, oh, Mom, you know, did you ever have anything like that? I don't there's nothing that comes to mind like that I do remember when

so when Taylor got my dad got Taylor the Xbox and I think the the only game he put on it as like this is the game that is coming out that it looks cool was Halo and and our dad got like five other games and not Halo and Taylor was like oh no Halo

and our dad was like what the fuck you know like come on you little shit yeah yeah yeah and then real and then he was like oh that was literally the only one? No one. Have I, I haven't told my

Rollerblade story. Have I? No. This is an all time for me. Okay. The PlayStation 1 had been out

to the point where I think it was possibly the Christmas where PlayStation 2 came out. I just wanted a PlayStation 1. They were like

$100. Yeah, they were, we walked, I was with my dad again, and we were walking through a store

and there was like a palette of them. You know, like a Best Buy or something? Yeah, and I was like, Dad, That's what I want for Christmas because I want to play Final Fantasy 7 or whatever, right?

I want to play like the classic games. It was that era. The ones you haven't gotten to play. I never had. Everybody around you was playing. I never had a PlayStation. I didn't, you know what's really funny? I didn't get a PlayStation 1 until the PS2 came out.

Yeah, yeah. So I missed all those games until I was moving. So I just wanted to kind of go back and play the classics. So and he did this thing that he always said, we'd be like, oh, yeah, well, I mean, we'll see. Dude. Yeah. Yeah, the swerve. Anything.

I said from July to November if I'm like this is cool my dad would go yeah well Christmas is coming yeah yeah exactly and which was like half fuck you half like I'll see what I did your grades ever like was ever like well get those grades no if that was the case I would have nothing in life ever

straight up were you a bad student the worst dude so was I 2.1 graduate I legitimately was looking at my transcripts recently because I had to get my real idea I had to have proof of it and I just happened to have them from a passport thing and it was I think it was like 2.4 is my GPA.

But look at us now. Hey. I got a neon fucking sign bitch. How about you? I got I'm going to learn how to write riffs now. So I wanted a PlayStation. Yeah, of course. You can think about a PlayStation

one box. It's about a foot square and a little less, like not quite square, like a little shorter. Sure. Right. So I know the dimensions and I know my dad. He loves an easy, oh, you want this, great.

I know the thing. I don't have to fucking shop. So I lay it on thick. It's the same thing. It's the week before Christmas. And I think eventually my parents were like cool and I would like stay over. Okay. Or something.

Like maybe the weekends we'd have it, whatever. I woke up early and did the like run out check. Saw one that was the... You were like, this has to be it. I got it. Yeah. Run back. Wait.

want to be good now, right? I don't want to wake up my dad. I'll let him wake up. Because he got me the thing. That's really nice. You know what I mean? We were like a I wanted to be good. We were like a 559, 6. Okay, dad, get up. Yeah. And so he woke me up and he's like, presents or you want to have breakfast? I said, breakfast. Come on.

It's Christmas, dad. You know, like I was really like, yeah. We'll see breakfast. No, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. And so we're opening and the first thing he says was you got to open that one last. So I'm like, ah, absolutely. that, you know. I'm opening up and I'm getting terrible gifts. I'm getting

pajama pants and socks and candy. Oh, you'll get killed in some circles for giving out those two feet. You know, and but I'm also again, I'm like, thank you. Yeah. This is great. I'm going to put these on right now, kind of a thing. And also simultaneously, I'm young. I didn't get my dad's shit. Yeah, yeah. I get him something from the book.

Oh, from the book. Dude, that's one I could do that will fuck. Oh, no. I have another one. I feel bad to this day. So finally, it's like, okay it's time for the last gift and my dad had just married remarried so my stepmom was there too and and she was like this is something that me your dad and my her mom my step grandmother chipped in and got and I was like hi you guys and now I'm thinking like give me the PS2 chipped in it's only 100 you know so now I'm like really excited you're theorizing I grab the thing it's heavy feel solid oh I peel that bad boy back

They got me a pair of roller blades that were about a size too small. I turned around and look out the window. It's a foot of snow on the ground. Oh my God. I'm not rollerblading. I'm not rollerblading for four months in Chicago and then I'm freezing. What was their reaction? The roller blades and I and I and I was I was up and a I must have been like that had to have been more expensive than it. I was PlayStation. Genuinely. I think I was like 10 or 11 at the time

so I had the wherewithal to not be a dick. Yeah, yeah. I don't have that wherewithal to this day. But I was so disappointed. You're crushed.

Nobody was... To this day. Rollerblades were... They weren't like street skates. Like they weren't like cool. They were rollerblades. Like exercise rollerblades.

Like four wheels straight. Well, that's what rollerblades are. Yeah, yeah. But like you couldn't take them to the rollerblades. rink because they were outside. Oh, right. You couldn't like grind with them. They weren't those. They weren't inline skates. They were just

rollerblades. And I don't think I ever... How old were you? 10-11? Right around there. Right around there. 10-11, you know whether or not you want a rollerblade. You know? And I don't think if you'd never express the desire to rollerblade.

So have you ever talked about this with your dad? No. Have you ever talking about this with Wendy? Yeah. So she's going to hear this and be like, Yep, yep. I remember that one. Yeah. Book fair, bad present. Would you get your dad?

So, this is a Christmas story. Yeah. Oh, man. I'm so sorry, Dad. I'm six. You know, our seven. The only thing I like in the world is wrestling. I don't know what my dad likes.

We've never talked about it. You know? He works. He's at work. He's traveling. He's got to pay a bill. we don't talk about what he likes. I don't know that he likes Genesis yet.

I don't know what Genesis is. I know Sega Genesis. Yeah. But I don't know what he's into. We never talked about it. So I'm like, okay, I like wrestling. So I'll get my dad something wrestling for Christmas. And I'm like, oh, my dad kind of likes music that I know him.

So I get him. Taylor and I, I'm not taking 100% of the blame for this. He was 10 of 11. he knew a little bit better. And our mom for sure knew better who paid for it. WWF, the music, volume two. Two! That was the one I had, too.

That was the first one I had. That had DX on it. My dad was open it and was like, these fucking kids. Oh, my God. So, mom. You tried. We tried, but we just didn't know anything.

One year I got my mom from the book fair, literally from the school. And it was four, it was literally like, My grade school had a thing where it was like come buy gifts for your parents. Oh, wow. Which is kind of cool if you really think about it. Like, it teaches kids that like being reciprocative is good.

That's good, yeah. I got her this thing where if you like, it was a glass thing. If you held it, it bubbled. You know, I'm talking about where it's like the heat from your hand makes it like, and it's like a swirl and then a heart. But it's glass, very fragile. So she got it and she's like, oh, this is cool. And there's like a little car that's like, when you hold this,

it shows that you're on someone you love, right? It's just like a nice little. thoughtful thing. We would always get her, you know the thing in a Christmas vacation where Eddie sh, she's just, he breaks the thing? I got her a couple of those from the book fair, stuff like that. My mom got me a Nerf gun. I had the Nerf gun in hand for 30 seconds. The first dart I shot shattered the thing that I bought her. Oh my God. I literally mean, and she'll remember this. I remember, we were in Glendale Heights in our apartment. I remember it. From a the room.

It just went, and it, and just shed, and there's red liquid on the carpet on Christmas. Glass everywhere. And my mom,

my mom was in the kitchen just bawling, just freaking out. Did she take the gun from you? No. Okay. She's a good mom. I was,

I was very, she spoiled me with gifts, truly. Well, you were also like a scared, sad little, boy, right? So you were probably like, Mom, I'm so sorry. I definitely didn't cry. But I, you know, I was an only child. I was spoiled. I was spoiled. I can, I can definitely say that.

And my mom, dude, she told me later on that she would like, time steal from her jobs. She, like, figured out some kind of loophole. So she would have all of just, so like when I was off on Christmas vacation, she would also be off the whole time. Getting paid. Whoa. Yeah. You might, you You met my mom via FaceTime the other day, really, really briefly. You guys were up to something. So for all your parents out there, let this all be a lesson. Steal time. Steal time.

But even about the gifts and stuff like that, it's like, just listen to your kid. Yeah. It's true. Listen to everybody. Listen to your friends now. Yeah, that's so true. Little subtle things where they're just like, yeah, I don't have that. I've never done that or I've never done this.

Oh, I see. Yeah. And then you say, you quote Dan Young, you say, Christmas is going. See, it's right around the corner. That's right. Right around the corner. So. Christmas movies.

We have so much. So much to talk about. Yeah. What were the big ones in the Bowen household? It was definitely Home Alone. Yeah. Home Alone, one and two. Two was far.

We didn't have the VHS. So it was like, I think we saw it in theater. but other than that, we watched it when it was on. Yeah. Or rented it. For some reason, after, you know, like you watch what you have,

obviously. After the, like, first big batch of VHSs we had, we didn't really add to it. Other than, like, Mortal Kombat Annihilation. I know what you mean. You watch what you got. Yeah.

And that's what you got. How about Johnny Cage getting murked immediately? Immediately in annihilation. It's crazy. It's so crazy. And then Sonia's just a different actress and you're just like,

Wait, that's not... And then Raiden's the guy... Sex and the guy from Sex and the City. Yeah. Yeah. So... Didn't add to your BHS's. No.

So Home Alone was... It was... Just the first one. Just the first one. And it was like a year round. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'd watch it in the summer. Year round.

And I called it. I was very young. I thought Home Alone was called Who Knew? Because of a Pepsi commercial that played right before the movie every time. where this little girl is like Got a Pepsi for me And a guy's like

A little kid gives her a Pepsi And the other kid is like Who knew? If I had a Pepsi I could have I could have flirted with this child Yeah I remember got a Pepsi for me Got a Pepsi for me

Who knew? And then the Home Alone thing would have I would have Home Alone I did this also with Ninja Turtles One and two I would have Home Alone one in the living room VCR Two in my mom's

Home Loan One would finish I'd hit Rewind sprint to my mom's room, jump on the bed, play. And I would just... I was obsessed with these movies. The traps... Oh. What's your favorite trap? Marv turning into a skeleton.

I mean, from a bit standpoint, for sure. From the actual, like, practicality of it, when Kevin... When Kevin throws the lead pipe... Oh, the pipe is very... I mean, he's committing murder. Well, the two is way more brutal. Way more brutal. I mean, the pricks are...

edited out of television. Is that true? They're not included anymore. All of a sudden he's just like, come on Mark, come on. What's your hardest laugh, though? Hardest laugh. It's really early on in the first one. I hope you didn't just pack crap, Jeff. Shut up, Lenny.

It's so like... Buzz told you, cheek base, toilet paper and water. The hardest laugh for me at a trap is the ornaments. Ormonds. Because, dude, nobody... He stopped... So hard on the fucking ornament.

It's crazy. Nobody does that. No, it's not. I mean, that's why it's so. He's like, yeah, I'm making it in a house. Jams down. And Kevin, Kevin logistically knew he'd be shoeless by that time because he's so brilliant. You know what?

Okay, so I wanted to talk to you about this last night in the car before we got in and out. Didn't for this moment. So we flew Alaska Airlines, which was not a great experience. But on the plane was great because they had every Christmas movie. So I watched Home Love. Beautiful. I realized that everything you could say about that movie of like, well, why didn't they do this? There's a thing.

There's an answer for every loophole I could think of in that movie. Everybody missed the passport in the trash until like two years ago. It's a ticket. Ticket and the passport. It's both of Kevin's passport. Because they're going to France. Because they're going to France. Yeah.

His whole shit got knocked in the trashy. Right. The power going out. the um just like everything at the airport where it's like oh can we charter a plane no we don't we don't do that it's like yeah I know like I'm aware

like you just like everything has an answer well like Chicago wise you know that they don't do that I just you just know as you get older that it's like yeah they don't that's not a thing you can't just do that at an airline yeah right um yeah American Airlines isn't chartering flights the only thing

that is like really unrealistic is when they're like do we miss the plane no just made it. Take whatever you want. Take whatever you want. It's like, no. It's not Southwest.

It's so funny. My, I love Home Alone. I love John Hughes. I also realized there is a part in planes, trains, and automobiles when they're driving in between the semis and he turns into the devil. He also turns into a skeleton.

And it looks really, really similar to the skeleton from Home Alone too. And I just wonder if that's just like a nod. I'm sure. Well, planes trains was first. I believe so, yeah, I think it's older. Because John Candy was going to be in the second home alone and then wasn't.

The Poca King. Pocca, the Midwest. Poka, Boca, Boca. There's a, I don't know if I've, I think I've talked about this, but when they're talking, there's a guy behind them, that there is a huge conspiracy that that was Elvis. Oh, right, yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't get into Vegas vacation until I was in my late 20s.

Second best vacation. It just wasn't is Vegas first. No, Christmas is first. That's what I said, right? Oh, you said Vegas. Oh, I meant. Oh, you're, like, you're new to Christmas vacation? I am brand, like, literally brand new.

Wow. It just wasn't on it, which is funny. But you're loving it. See? John Hume. You watch what you got. Yeah, exactly. You watch what you got.

I love it now. And it is my second favorite. Really? It's my second favorite Christmas movie after Home Alone. It's my second favorite vacation movie after Vegas. Vegas is one. I fucking love Vegas. I would go Home Alone one.

Scrooge two. Scrooge is good. Christmas vacation is probably three. Maybe, like, I don't know, like modern, elf is really fucking good.

It's played out, but it's good. But it's like in a way, it's in an unfair way where it's like stepbrothers and dumb and dumber and like super bad and stuff where the bits from the movie

are just things people say now. Anchorman is. Anchorman, very much so. Where it's just like, those are just experienced. expressions now, but they were originally just jokes in a movie. Elf was fucking good. You know, it's great.

Daddy's home, too. Really? It's incredible. I'm going to have to visit. It's the last, well, other than Violent Night, which just came out this year, it is amazing. That's dude from Stranger Things. Yes. Daddy's Home 2 is the last great Christmas class.

We were just talking about Clause, which is also very good. Yeah. And I don't normally like animated, like modern stuff very much. Blah, blah, blah. Amazing if you haven't seen it. I'll tell you one thing. I went and saw jingle all the way in theaters with my mom in theaters. Around Christmas.

Gets you so jazzed up for Christmas. It has no business being as good as it is. Truly. But, I mean, it's produced by Chris Columbus. Christopher. And... You know what's funny? Chris Columbus is a production company.

1492 productions it ain't anymore there's a restaurant by my mom she lives in a Cuban neighborhood in Chicago there's this restaurant called 1492 Cuba

that's literally when he turned an island into slaves but I saw Santa Claus with my dad in the theater and what's crazy is they go to Denny's

Did you guys do? We had done that. Wow. So that, I'm not even trying to get like overly set. But like that really hit home in that movie. Charlie visits his dad exactly like I would with my dad. It was almost identical. My dad was like, he worked at a hotel.

He was like kind of a hob, you know, kind of a guy out there and kind of not. He was a good dad, but he had like a lot going on. It was very similar to Scott Calvin. Love some Scott Calvin. I would, until Pirates, I would have said the Santa Claus was the best live action Disney movie. Are you fan of Pirates? I love Pirates.

I love. Yo. Pirates, one through three. Dude, I fuck with four. I'm sure it's fine. I've only seen it. I saw it once in theaters and it's like, it's not the same. Pirates one through three.

Can't tell you what happens. Masterpiece. Don't understand you. I'll tell you, though, their overall are. Let's get into it real quick. Bootstrap Bill Turner, right? He's, uh... Will's dad.

He's the first mate to Jack. He's the first mate to Jack, so for some reason, his blood holds the key to the black parole. No, no, no, it's because they stole... So you do know what's... No, no, no, but what I don't know is why Jack owes the East India Trading Company anything. I don't... I heard that there were slaves... Didn't he steal the Black Pearl?

He stole the Black Pearl. It had something to do with it. They wanted him to slave, to take slaves on the flag pearl. And instead of doing that, he burnt it. Or it was burnt down, and then Davy Jones raised it. But, like, I don't... And is that why all the guys are zombies, basically? See?

No one knows. It's badass, though. It is fucking badass, dude. I love... You know what's so funny? The fifth one, Elizabeth is in. Oh, really? And Will is...

Elizabeth is in... Kieran Eil is at the end of the fifth one. And he's not? Will is in it. Orlando Bloom is in it, okay? What the fuck? They make eye contact. She runs to him and hugs him.

She doesn't say a word. That's so weird. She has zero dialogue in the entire movie. She doesn't even go, well, she doesn't do like, it's just that. Nothing. They just see each other because it's his first time he can come to land. So the fifth one is about Will's kid, repeating Will.

I never even saw that. So you know how three ends. Yeah. And Will is stuck to be on the Dutchman. And he can make land every 10 years. Right. Which is brutal, really tragic. The fifth one is about Will's son that he makes with Elizabeth at the end, which is for, and he wants to redeem his father.

He makes with like a 21-year-old Kieranite. I think even young. In the first one, I think she's like, she turned. She was like, she's 18. Let's make the movie. But so he, Will's, their son redeems Will and somehow gets him to, like, be regular again. He can be on land. Oh, cool.

which is dope, and they finally get to be together, and she doesn't see a goddamn thing. It's probably not her. It's probably like Disney's music. She's like, yeah, just a face on it. Stupid. Anyway, Christmas is awesome. You fucking love it, actually.

I've seen it. Parts of it make me sad, dude. Which far? Oh, well, there's two whole arcs that are sad. Yeah. Like the stuff with Alan Rickman? Yeah, yeah. A classic fool.

Obviously. That's sad. Harry Potter? Christmas. Yeah. They're winter movies. They're winter movies. I think it starts in October with Harry.

Very good. You know? And then happy Christmas, Harry. I've got presents. Every time. Come on. They're winter movies. So they're like, as soon as the temperature drops, you can put those on.

I saw a clip recently of Dad from Family Matters, cop from Die Hard. Yeah? Someone asks him, is Die Hard a Christmas movie? What's he say? Absolutely. I don't agree. It's it You can't say

I mean it is It's there's Christmas things The whole time But it's not like a It's not the theme It's not a family Santa driven movie It's yeah

Canonically Santa probably doesn't exist In that world And you know That kind of determines what is And is It is a movie that Is enhanced At Christmas time

Very much so But a Christmas movie I think I think Santa has to be real for a Christmas No and that's not fair Because love actually There's no confirmation of Santa

I would say the I say Die Hard 2 is more of a Christmas movie Dyer 2 is barely a good movie Barely a good movie But it's more of a Christmas movie It's snowing It doesn't take place in L.A There's snow

There has to be snow I don't disagree with that What's your favorite trap You said the ornaments Is that the name? The ornaments is the hardest laugh. The hardest laugh. I love a tool chest falling down the stairs.

What's that sound? How does it fall like this? Don't worry about it. That's not for us to know. And then they listen. Their noses after that just broken and flat. Now is the sound of a tool chest. Falling down the stairs.

That's good shit. I love the rope. Why would anybody soak a rope with kerosene? No, I would. Very good. Oh, my favorite line in any... of the movies. And I feel like this was ad-libbed. Kevin goes to the tree house. Oh, dude. Maybe you committed suicide. No, that one is good. But Kevin from a treehouse saying,

I'm going to call the cops. Marv believing him. Yeah. And Harry's saying, who's going to call the cop? From a treehouse? From a tree house? From a bullpen? It is, like, I know that that was Joe Pesci just being like, you're fucking idiot. You can't do that. I love all the fridges and stuff because he kept saying fuck. Oh yeah, freaking freaking Keper, you just had no idea It was a kid's movie? There's a part

After Kevin slimes the basement in two Dude, what is up with the slime? I don't know He's the biggest loser ever He sucks He goes to the dopest toy store ever And gets shampoo Yeah, yeah, right, yeah

Like, fuck you It doesn't recognize Duncan Idiot Duncan's toy chess was filmed in S&O SORTS Do you remember SEOSW? F-A-O Excuse me, you're right

I think of it was Yeah that we had one in Chicago Great store And I know there was a fucking Badass Wolverine or something in there That Kevin could have gotten Been like yo this is dope

But instead the motherfucker gets body wash And turtle doffs But he slides the floor Marv slides Right pain falls on When it cuts back to Marv He just goes And that also

Fucking gives me Yeah I mean the spider Sequences obviously I feel like when you're watching Home Alone with a parent Yeah And the spider sequence happens That's when they pop They're like

They're crying They can't hold together I um Something that I never really realized It's much like training day It's in the name But training day But training day happens in a day

Which like when I first saw it as a kid I like never really put that together It's literally a day It was home alone Home alone Yeah I guess it kind of happens in real time It happens in like two days Yeah

She's literally in Paris She doesn't want to to wait till Friday and she does all this stuff. I think she's literally home in like by the end of the week. It's true. It just seems like it's a long time. Also, McCulley, Colkin, terrible line delivery.

He doesn't enunciate words. No, and it's, but he's like, he's literally a kid. I got the milk, eggs, a fabric softener. That's a great. Dude, there's a great Chicago accent. There's nobody home. The house is secure. That one. Tell him the country. Kid, I told you.

Don't bother me. That kid. That guy's perfect. Hired by John himself. One of the Murphys. That fucking kid, God damn. That kid is also, like, story-wise, the reason that they thought Kevin was there. Exactly.

Like, everything. Little things you don't put together. Everything has an answer in one. I can't vouch for two quite as well. But everything in one has like a counterpoint. Wet Bandits Escape Prison. That's all you need to know. That's sticky.

There's also a conspiracy theory that one of the cops Who arrests them at the end of two is Robert De Niro I could see that one One Dude buzz whistling in the end of two Everybody calm down Come on down Kevin you spent $967 on Bruce service

Yeah Shut up idiot you abandon him twice dumbass Fucking idiot loser stupid the worst debt I mean at least they acknowledge that Yeah The scene where they're like this is actually becoming kind of a holiday tradition Funny enough never lost a bag

um yeah uh i also i can talk about this movie forever uh i love in one when he's sitting at the counter and he's thinking about all the things that everyone said to him and he just he just he just Kevin I'm going to feed you to my trench just never in the movie again yeah uh you ever tour on christmas time no only right after or right up until yeah

Quite literally, James will not... Oh, I would never... He will not be not home for Christmas. I don't think Chris would either, and honestly, neither would I. It's just why do that to yourself? What tour is worth that, you know? This year is my first time in quite a while where I'm going to be home. I'm going to spend it just me and my mom.

First time since I was a kid. Wow. And I'm really, really looking forward to it. I just think that, like... And again, this is part of the beauty of this holiday when you don't need the commercial stuff and the religious stuff is like family, friends, cookies. It's Linderd Truffle season, brother.

I'll tell you what. I love, I love me, a toll house tube. Oh, yeah. Cut up, bake, overdone. Crispy. Really? Crispy as fuck. Wow.

Objectively a bat. I'll take that tube. Yeah, just cut off in. Just go. Suck it up like Shiloh. Straight up. Yeah, that's good stuff. She love.

There you go. What's your Christmas dinner like? I don't really have... So my mom... I've explained this. My mom... My mom's grandmother, my great-grandmother is Italian. Minidi is the family name.

So that means my mom's like a quarter Italian, which means, we're fucking Italian, you know? So my mom always bakes a pasta. She always makes something. It's usually like baked massacoli and then like not very... But it's like, like, Man of God or like something that's like Italian Christmas. Yeah, you know, like not, but nothing, um, nothing very like American festive, really. Do you have a meal?

It's basically just Thanksgiving again. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just Thanksgiving part two. It's the fucking best. What's the, isn't the tradition, like, supposed to be like, it's supposed to be like turkey and goose or like turkey and ham? And goo, yeah, I'm not a big ham guy. Not a lot.

Not a lot. Goose, I would fucking, I would try it, you know? It's smiling. Happy. Christmas story. What are your thoughts on the Christmas story? This is a very divisive Christmas. It is.

It is. And I don't get it. I just, I think it's great, like, objectively. Have you just seen it too much? Yeah. The whole TBS playing it for 24 hours thing after 31 years adds up. It was the kind of thing where it's like, mom and I are opening presents, turn on the TV. And then it's just on.

And dude, there are moments. in that movie, when he's going to sleep holding the gun at the very end, or when he wakes up and everything's whited out. Like, those are, I mean, it takes place in South Bend, Indiana, which is really close to where Chicago is. So, like,

there are things in that movie that, like, also growing up, I didn't realize that it was a modern time, you know, era, kind of, or what do you call it? Time. When it takes place in a different time piece or something? Yeah, period piece. Period piece. I didn't, I thought, When I was a kid, I was like, oh wow, this old movie is like good.

I didn't, I was an idiot. I love that movie. Same with It's a Wonderful Life. See, I'm not an It's a Wonderful Life guy. My dad is a big, it's a wonderful life guy. And it was always just a bummer. Dude, I've learned that I'm really drawn to scary Christmas. So when they say scary ghost stories, tales from the glorious Christmas as long ago, you're in a day.

I never understood that? I never. I until to this day, it's like, what are you fucking talking about? You're telling scary stories? Scary ghost stories. Like, is that part of Christmas? Tales of the Glorious Christmas. Yeah, that's amazing.

I'm all in on that. That's what this is. That's literally the episode. But scary ghost story. Is he talking about, like, Dickens? Hard more Tales of the Glorious Christmases of Long ago. That's the name of the episode. Yeah, I don't get that, but what I like is like,

Klaus is kind of scary. I like that Santa's, like, kind of a tragic god-like figure. I love Trans-Siberian Orchestra, Carol the Bells. Scrooge is kind of scary. Scrooge is Christmas Carol, which is a ghost story. A literal ghost story. But that's like the only one I can think of. I just like the premise of like Merry Christmas motherfucker.

Like, I like that. I've always been drawn to that. The hate nightmare before Christmas, though. Oh, it's awesome. You hate it? Something about claymation has always just creeped me out. I just don't like it. From an artistic standpoint?

Nate is going to fucking hate it. From an artistic standpoint to this day, you still feel that way? Yeah, I just, I don't dig it. I dig parts of it, and I understand why people like it. It's like 70 minutes long. Yeah. It's not for me. Wow, it's crazy.

It's just not for me. It's so good. To this day, still goes. It might be better to me now. What are your favorite Christmas songs? Rocking around the Christmas trees. Got to be number one. Rocking around.

Later, we'll have some fucking pie. That's fucking fun And I permanently associated that movie with Home Along Yeah same Same dude the Michael Jordan Come on Classic And it sounds like she sang

Buzz is saying Let's be good job Yeah right right So I was like damn this is like Home Alone song This is awesome So cool So that's that's Instaloc permanent number one That's a good answer

I feel like that's not a common answer And I'm telling you this I mean this I love the song scary old Christian Catholic ones The old

church songs are so scary and they're dope That's what I'm saying Yeah, they're awesome We were just talking about this in the car but the Christmas

song, Nat King Cole is hands down my favorite Yeah Love the Charlie Brown Christmas movie With the trio

Um Love Blue Christmas Amazing Yeah that's great I have an Elvis Christmas record. The only two Elvis records I have is a Christmas record and a Hawaiian record. And they're both so sick.

And I think Blue Christmas is on both. But I love that one. I love like, I know it's like kind of a sketchy song, but I really like, baby it's cold on site. I mean, it's just fun. It's just a fun song, but obviously, what's in this drink line is very weird. And it's a very, I'm not denying that. You could write completely differently.

lyrics and the song would be great. That's what I mean. Totally. The neighbors might say. It's just fun. I don't know. It is just something. Just the harmonizing and like the call and response is very fun.

It's very nice. And I think there's like a Bob Hope version of maybe it's not deck the halls. Oh no, you were just thinking. There will be, yeah, stories and down. Which song is that? Is that the weather outside of frightful? No.

Yeah, is it? I'll let it snow. Oh no, most wonderful time of the year. It's the most, dude, that. I mean, that's a home alone song too, you know, so that when I hear it, bam, da-ding-ba-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d. Yeah, that is lit as far as. Yeah, I'll come in like, yeah. That's a track.

That's a very big-time track. Also, you got to give it up. No matter what you're saying, if it's played out, overplayed, whatever. All I'm on for Christmas is you is a masterpiece. It's a really interesting song. The like theory and all that,

like the writing. The fact that it like kind of doesn't really have a chorus. Yeah. Like the chorus is like just like a little hook. That's it. Really. You know? It's just the whole song.

And it's just like, It's raging. Dude. Also, I did a deep dive on it. It came out in like August of the year that it came out, which is crazy. Yeah, it's really crazy. Everything but the her voice and the harmonies is all programmed. Really? Nothing is authentically played. Not one. So the do, do, do, do, do, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, that's all programmed.

And it was just, and she had to be, like, convinced to do it. She wasn't, it was kind of like, um, Celine Dion. Oh, she was like, I guess. To this day, she hates that. Mariah is like the queen of Christmas because of that song. Yeah, dude. She goes number one every year. Every year.

I mean, it's an incredible song. And now the memes about it are funnier. And but it's like, there's that dude behind the tree who's like, it's like Thanksgiving ending Mariah Carey. By pumpkin. Yeah,

dude, it's gonna be, come on. I mean, those, now memes are how you grow now as a fucking artist. It's crazy. I saw yesterday during infestation. Oh,

yeah oh well when he did the thing everybody went yeah even me I couldn't help it um I really I do like that song um what uh you know the other one

the nobody ought to be on for Christmas yeah yeah uh I think who do you think are the best vocalists of our

just like from when you were growing up. So, like, it's not going to be, like, Tina Turner or, like, Janice Jobbler. From when I was growing up? Yeah, of, like, our hero. I mean, I would say Whitney Houston is my era, and she's the goat. Whitney, it's literally, for me, it's Whitney, Mariah. And, like, ugh. You're, like, really close. I think she's so fucking good. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure Mariah would say Mariah, but Mariah would probably feel that it was Whitney. But, you know, she'd be like, it's me. You know, Celine Dion did

Mara will go on in one take? That's crazy. She hated it so much and objectively didn't want to be a part of it so badly. She hit. There's nothing I fear in one take. And if you watch her, there's a couple of videos of her doing it. Another one take, and this is more impressive to me because I like the song more. Kate Bush, Wuthering Heights.

Is that true? 17 years old. One take. One take. One take. Whoa. Um, Masterpiece.

Different vibe, but a one take, first take that I know of. Fallboy covered Roxanne by the police, which is pretty, you know, rock, like you have to get up there.

First take one take. It's out there. It's very impressive. That guy can say. Oh, yeah. He's rich. He's doing fine. How do you deal with post Christmas?

It's the worst. December 26th? Postpartum depression, brother. December 26 is probably like the second worst day of the year. I would say January 2nd might be the worst. Or maybe even New Year's Day sucks. Yeah, New Year's Day.

Like, I've worked New Year's Day. You know what I mean? Like, not every place is closed New Year's Day. It's, like, not really a holiday. New Year's Eve is the worst holiday. Easy. Easy. I don't do shit.

I think the last four or five years, I've been in bed at midnight. I won't be this year. We're in the best week of the year. Yeah, this is it. Sunday, like, like, today's the 18th. Sunday to Sunday. Christmas is one week from today. That's beautiful.

So, like, this is the golden time. Yeah, you're right. I'm not going to stop doing Christmas stuff until the fucking 12th hour. Yeah, I get home tomorrow. I will be watching Christmas movies this week. You're going to be eating good? Exclusively. Yeah, I'm going to be, I'm, I got New Year Res, brother.

So before that, you got to get some things. My Res is, yeah, what's your New Year's Resolution? I'm, I need to get in, yesterday. really kick my ass playing these shows like really physically difficult so I'm going to get in shape I might thinking about it. Wow. Thinking about it after seeing it. I got room.

It's not that big. No, it's not. And all the gimmicks that it comes. It looks cool. It looks dope. So I'm thinking about it. I have a gym membership. I've had it for a few months.

Haven't gone once. Paid hundreds of dollars. You just got to go. I know. If you just go with, if you have a plan, obviously it's much better. No car. No riffs. No, no riffs, no car.

Well, soon. All the, all, both two of those things will change. Very possibly. Manscape.com. So how do you, what do you do? Because, like, in Chicago, after New Year's, after the holidays are done, you're in the bleakest time of the year. Because then it's just cold.

Like, now it's cold because there's Christmas, and that's great. And, like, downtown Chicago, we have a thing. called the crud you would love this it's a german market looks like christmas time in europe which is very cool yeah probably the one thing they got yeah and but it looks like that all the people speak german they're from german they like come to chicago for this wow you can get a crabe you can get a broad you can get a wizard carved out of wood that's really expensive for something love it um so like and it's fun being outside and cold during that time but then january hits and like I get depressed.

I get sad. Yeah, I don't like it one bit. So I'll be honest with you. Before I started dating Lana, before we got married and all that, it was Christmas that made, like watching a, I'm sorry to do this to you

because I know you're currently in this situation. Me watching Christmas movies by myself was where I was like, I got to make a change. It's the same work. And I'm not saying that as that's everybody's situation. for me and you know what's the most fucked up part

she doesn't like home alone so if she's like you watch it when I'm gone I'm like that's not the point every line is iconic in that movie I've never gotten a pizza without saying that 10 pizzas times 12 bucks

he's such a bastard that's fucking three pizzas now yeah yeah Frank is such a bastard well I like the OG script where he's the he set it up oh is that yeah some hard lord yeah so that's like in the original drafts uncle frank tipped off harry and marr organized crime organized crime but it's like there's too much depth to that it did like it's it was fine being random yeah the silver tuna silver tuna tonight

i just don't know why leslie would be with a man like that yeah lester seems lovely yeah Isn't it funny that Fuller is Frank's son? Yeah. How does that work? Easy on the Pepsi, buddy. The rubber shades are packed. Yeah. She seems to, Leslie maybe seems to be past the clock on having.

Yeah, a little bit. Having a seven-year-old or something. She beat the hell out of that clock, I'll tell you what. Dude. The oldest McAllister, daughter, with the curly hair. You love her? Beautiful. What does she look like now?

I have no idea, but she seems like an adult in the movie. Yeah. Right? She's 27, probably. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How does that work? It just does. I love Peter.

What's the mom's name? Peter McAllister. What is her name? We always just hear Mom. And Ma'am. What's her name? How do we not know this? Wendy?

We've seen this movie more than I've seen my father. Can I ask Siri? What is the cast of Home Alone? That's not going to... She's got to be like top five. Yeah, right here. Kate? Kate?

Kate. Kate McAllister. I've seen this movie more times than I've seen anything in my life. Yeah, Kate. And I couldn't have told you her name was Kate. Fuck the kid who rats on Kevin. Which kid is that? Shoplifter.

Oh, that fucking loser? Yeah. Jimmy! Jimmy, the bootlicker. Jimmy's a fucking bootlicker. And then this cop drops a parking or like some kind of traffic violation to sprint after each other. That wouldn't, yeah, come on.

In Wilmette? No, it's not happening, brother. Sorry. That's good stuff, man. Well, that's Christmas, you know? Yeah. It's the most wonderful time of the year. We hope you enjoyed this fun little Christmas chat.

We will be back next week with potentially another in-person episode. Yeah. That was kind of a spur of the moment thing. Or maybe. Maybe it would be good to do the Salem stuff? That's a good one. Maybe, because then it'll work with this clip, too. That's true.

The clip can be like a little trailer. It's very true. Well, thank you all so much for being here. Merry Christmas to you all. Happy holidays to anybody that don't say Merry Christmas. And that's an important thing, too. Yeah. I celebrate all.

I asked someone recently who I had met that I didn't know was Jewish. I said, are you doing anything for Christmas? And they went, nothing, because I don't. And I had, and kind of been an annoying answer, but also, because you know what I meant. But also, holidays. There's nothing wrong with holidays. No, Hanukkah's dope. Hanukkah, my...

It's eight days, right? Yeah. You know, eight days of Christmas. Eight crazy nights. Yeah, that's awesome. My, uh... Great movie. My stepmom is Jewish.

So, learn about that when they were first dating and stuff. Sounds great. It's just a nice family time. That's all we have. It's all we need. Our Lord loves you. Merry Christmas.

Happy holidays. Coca-Cola. It's buried under stuff, so I can't pick it. But get the hard lower pole of your shirt. It's probably out now. Please do. Yeah.

Thank you so much for watching. Good night. And to all. Good night. Bye. Not sure what we're going to do today. We're going to try to do some more homelor stuff. Check up maybe, maybe Salem.

We're live in Salem, Massachusetts. We're going to talk to Kurt Ballou from Converge today in God City Studios. And he's going to tell us where the ghouls and goblets and spectres exist in what Time Magazine has called. scariest fucking place on earth. What have you heard about the town? Boston is made from mostly filled land. So Salem was the original commerce port of Massachusetts. I'd like to go to the woods here.

I'm sure some terrible things. What you should do is go to some of the cemeteries. Yep. In particular, the Charter Street Cemetery. As you can see behind us, a sea of gravestone, weathered in times. Oh, shit, look at this. Oh, we got crystals. Sarah Good.

They're a good. Goody Proctor. In the summer, too, terrible time to be hang. Because they hang people to kind of set up. Hey, we're serious. But don't witch. Yeah, yeah. Don't witch here.

So we're here at the back of the Salem Witch House. We're a very scary cellar door lies in wait. There's a bell back here that keeps ringing in the wind, and it's actually scared me twice now. So the other stuff we could check out is... Where the gallows were. Where the gallows were, yeah. We're here at what is now officially dubbed Proctor's Lit.

Where every witch was hanged. We're standing in the spot where the Salem witch trials concluded. How does this feel for you? It's...