HardLore - Tour Survival Guide

Episode Date: June 15, 2022

Colin and Bo share their (loose) interpretation of a tour survival guide for new bands, or anybody looking to improve their recreational travel experience. All episodes available with video on full on YouTube!   HardLore: A Knotfest Series, Fueled by Monster Energy Edited by Steven Grise • Title sequence by Nicholas Marzluf Join the HARDLORE PATREON to watch every single weekly episode early and ad-free, alongside exclusive monthly episodes. Join the HARDLORE DISCORD for community discussions and to participate in our future Q&A episodes. FOLLOW HARDLORE: INSTAGRAM, TWITTER, SPOTIFY, APPLE FOLLOW COLIN: INSTAGRAM FOLLOW BO: INSTAGRAM, TWITTER   For sponsorship opportunities, email us! [e-mail] Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Your lush bag, you want to keep that in there? I want the people to know I smell great. I love that. I love lush. I might start it there, but if not, hello and welcome. It's hard Lord time. It's hard Lord time. What's up, Bo?

Nothing. I'm in an undisclosed location. Oh, cool. Somewhere in America. What's in your lush bag there? I got some, it's called like milk, something milk for my hair. I have really shitty. And when I wash it, it's like, I look like Marv getting electrocuted.

I think you and I have pretty similar hair then. Yeah, it sucks. I hate washing my hair. And so I went in there. There's a huge mall here. And I went in there and asked. Huge mall where? In the continental United States.

Okay. And the underclose. And the lady was like, use this. I have the same kind of hair. My hair sucks. I hate washing it. And I got it trim the other day. So they washed it.

So I'm dying. And I got this stuff. Let me tell you, man. One of the hardest parts of the pandemic for me was losing the lushistas. Oh, dude. One of the greatest joys in my life used to be me walking in being greeted by a lushista who would then wash my arm for like two to three minutes. That arm, listen, brother, your arm never felt so soft or smelled so good is when the lushistas take care of you.

Do you have a favorite product? Actually, I know one of yours. You do. I'm sure you know that I love Rose Jam. Rose Jam. I knew it. I did know that. I'm not allowed to use it anymore.

Is it bad for skin? No, it's great. It smells good. It's awesome. I get the red everywhere in the shower. And I ain't cleaning it up. I won't do it. That's what the water's for.

It's not what I'm for. Yeah. Have you ever smelled the avocado co shampoo? No. It's the one that comes in like, it's like encased and red wax and it smells like a mix of like avocado and lemon and it's shampoo. Oh my God. I'm glad we're starting with this because this is the tour survival guide episode. And I've always got three or

four lush products on some lush stuff. Yeah, I like to bring, I'm a big olive branch guy. That's my body wash. I like the rose jam bar. The little, the little circle thing. Love the rose jam shampoo bar. It's like a soap bar for your head. I've used it. I love that. And then the conditioner I use, I forget what it's called,

but it's a big green tub. Okay. Oh, yeah. I know exactly what you mean. I've no idea what it's called. And then I use a new, one of the newer body washes. I think you might have just gotten it.

Is it yellow? Like money, honey or something? Honey money? I've had that one. Yeah. Loving that one right now. Yeah, big fan.

But that, I've got those in their little tin, jars in my in my little uh toiletry thing there and that's you know that's a great way to start this episode so the idea of this episode is like you're a a relatively new band maybe or or you're just starting to play like kind of out of state shows maybe you know kind of a thing and like here's what you should do and here's probably what you shouldn't do that's kind of the vibe do's as well as in addition to don'ts a lot of don'ts um I at some point I'm going to demonstrate live on this show my ancient shirt folding technique.

Oh, I like that. So the podcast listeners might want to look this one up, you know, because there's a visual bit here. It's not a bit at all. It'll change your life. I like this. Okay. So let me ask you then. Sure.

Four week tour. Uh-huh. Four, full four week tour. How many shirts? underwear socks. Okay. So it's complicated for me because I'm a big gadget man. You're a gadget guy.

And I'm also kind of a one bag, man. Same. So I got to balance gadgets and clothing. Yeah. And I find that when I overpack shirts, like first few tours I would bring like 15, 20 shirts with me. So many. And then you have a garbage bag full of dirty laundry all the time.

and then and day eight you realize oh i've worn four of these and i only want to wear three of them yep right so i'll bring now four week tour seven shirts yes perfect a shirt a day underwear i this is i for anything ever if dude if we play a single fest then i fly to a single Fast. One day of travel, I'll bring like seven pairs of underwear. Just in case. I got IBS, brother. I'm the irritable bowel soldier. I remember. I remember the touching cotton story. Exactly. I'm sure we all do. I have hit cotton. I'll hit polyester. I don't discriminate. So let me hit you with this. I, oh, this is great. Okay. So I'm a, like, I'll wear a shirt two days in a row because I don't play in the shirt, right? So it's just.

designated gig shirt. Very, it's salty. That's next. That's next. All right. That's next. So,

yeah, I'll usually, and this is kind of embarrassing to admit, but I'll usually wear socks two days in a row too. Oh my God. You lost my that. Listen, listen, listen. I'm not sweating in my socks.

I have gig socks too. Well, here's the problem there for me. I'm big chilling in these socks. Here's my issue. You got foot. There was one. You got foot.

And I got foot. I can. attracted it on the harm's way, twitching tongues European tour. No bullshit. Our first big tour was 2007, 8. We talked about this.

It was the, this is for you fest tour with the James picture. I definitely had athletes foot. Like beforehand, I just got it. I don't know how. I worked to summer camp probably. That'll do it.

And then me, James of Chris and Chris have literally, I still have it. I'm not. 14 years later. Oh, dude, I am diseased. It's, it's,

my feet are ruined. I am the source of controversy in my household with my wife because of my goddamn because of what one of you or one of the I exist guys did to me. All of us. You all got me. Me, Chris and James, all have it. All of us. Breaking news on Hargler here.

I am a victim of disease. I'm going to call Sweet James when this episode ends and I'm going to get my settlement. And the fucked up thing is like tough act in Tannactin, take a high kid. Doesn't work. None of that shit works. I'm on, I'm at the prescription level stuff at this point. And it still doesn't work.

No. It's insane. So, so don't shower after harm's point. Yeah, straight up. But anyway, something that Nate from Converge put me on to,

after years and years of touring with lots of underwear, fucking camping underwear, dude. They make anti-bacterial camping underwear that you wash in the sink, You bring a little tied pod with you. You wash it in the sink and it dries in 30 minutes. Look, I believe you. I'm a big fan.

I get it. Save so much. I believe you, but you don't got funk like I do, brother. I'm not very funky there. If I sleep for an hour, there's a, there's a layer of funk that must be machine washed. So I'm not, I'm not eight hours max for me per pair. Oh, really? interesting, interesting.

I'll change midday for fun. I'm a little, I guess I've actually come to find that I'm like a little, I'm a little grubby on tour. Like I'm not, not clean, you know, but whatever, because, and what brings us to my next question for you.

Hold on before we get there. Yeah. This is a do's and don'ts. You're right. I think you're doing a don't. And I've got to check you. So you're saying I need to bring more parents. is a sign. I think you could use a little

cleanup every now and now. What? How do you typically do laundry on tour? You just go to a laundromat? Any means necessary. Yeah, right. Hotel. Yeah. I mean, that's the go-to. And it's like, you're suffering, but

yeah, what's better than no dirty clothes? There's straight up nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Just a clean, perfect bag, ready to rock. It feels so good. How many tours in were you when you really Oh, I should be playing in a gig, a designated pair of an outfit that it just only gets terrible. Years.

Yeah, years. Years. Years. It was Todd Jones on the European tour we did with Nails and with your brother where I was like, wow, Todd's playing in the same shirt every night. That's fucking crazy. And it's a winter tour. And I have a garbage bag full of wet clothes that are getting frozen. Frozen.

And I can't, you know, stinky frozen. You know that meme that's like, if you stink in the cold, use a powerful motherfucker. It's real, man. Yeah. And that's huge. And I do shirt, designated underwear, pants, shoes, and socks for gigging in. Okay. I'm not doing gig.

Gig socks. If I put them on, I'm starting a new pandemic. If I wear a sock for another day, it's a biohazard. You know, I use the like sweat whiskey, you know, the bullshit, whatever. But you think about it. You're only in it for a half hour. Like I said, I'm happy for you. Your patience, zero.

But my funk is different. It's not even, it's not even really stinky funk, you know? Like I'm not like Kyle Thomas, formerly of switching tongues, disgrace, whatnot, smelly sweater. Much love to Kyle. Yeah. He's not a stinky guy. This sweat. Smelly sweater.

I'm the same way. You got a stinky sweat? You know what my sweat smells like? What? Pure vinegar. You just down in vinegar or what? Dude, no, it's just, it's the weirdest shit. One time we were on a tour with Angel Dust and, you know, Justice, shout out Justice, but justice,

he's a little free. He's a blunt guy. He's a little freaky. He comes up to be like, hey, man, smell like vinegar, bro. I was talking about smelling like vinegar. And he was like, really? And he was like, let me get a whiff. And I just gave it to him.

He went for it. He went, yeah, that's vinegar. Like, I don't know why. It just always has been since teenage years, I guess. Interesting. Yeah, it's not good. So do, again, don't do what Bo does. Don't do what I do, but definitely do have a gig outfit.

Gig outfit. Bring a hanger. That's the answer I can't give you. Still, 10 years later, where to put it. Yeah. I don't know. If you have a trailer, we take. typically hang it up in the trailer.

But that's only going to do so much. If you're on a summer tour, it kind of rocks because it just like bakes it. And it actually isn't that bad. Yeah, but then like you're, you're carrying guitar fucking drum cases that are like, it's like,

oh, like am I, I can smell my balls on the drums. That's crazy. Do James and Chris both play in shorts? In my opinion, only singers and drummers get a shorts pass on stage. But,

and James, you know, Unless you're like a pop punk band or something. They can. Yeah. Even. Yeah. Whatever.

I have a strict policy of pants in general. I listen. I was I was, I was a chastised by Pat Kinlan from drug church many years ago. Yeah. Never wore shorts again. Good. So they would wear these the like, you know, the lined shorts, not a bathing suit, but basically a bathing suit. Like the Nike dry fit shorts with the netting with the ball net.

The ball net. And they would hang them by the taint of the net just in the back of the van. In the van on the back. And you would like, like touch it. You know what I mean? Like terrible, horrible. You know what's the best is sometimes we would do gig shirt hanging out of like the side of the van. Yeah.

And it's like it's like the van is getting whooped by Mike Tyson while you're driving. And then it starts raining. And then it starts raining and whoever shirt it is like, come on, man, fuck. And then the best part is after you park and it's done raining, you take the shirt off and there's just a grease spot on the van. It's disgusting. Foundation was big on that. Every time we tour with foundation, all of their shit would be like just closing the door, just waving in the back. Yeah.

I guess since we're on the subject of shirts now, I should share my ancient shirt folding technique. I'd love to hear it. Okay. So it's not just a shirt Here I have Some undies Yeah Boba

Is it the Boba Fet socks I'll let you show Yeah well is it what were you going to say? Is it the they call it like a A kit roll or something? I think it might be a kit roll so here we have Just some morbid angel shirt Very dope

We're gonna We're gonna give it a fold right? Yep shirt folded. Okay. Right there. Beautiful. Love it.

Just folding the sleeves inward for the podcast people. Are you going to go sock ying? You'll see. So the undies are now in half folded. Hot dog style. Hot dog style. Yeah. In the middle, down the shirt.

We're going to put one sock here. Yeah. Right here. And then the other hand. There. We're going to put one sock there. We're going to roll it on. up. Oh, that's beautiful. And we're just going to roll it. The finishing, the, the Pista

Resistance comes at the end here. And you can do this a little more compact. You can do it real, like real tight if you want to. Yeah, yeah. You could do the shirt full a little tight, but then you're risking some wrinkles. And it depends on the shirt. So here, what we did was we took the end of the sock, folded it inward, into the shirt. And here, and I imagine for, for women, well, for one, women's clothes just take up less space. to begin with, I feel like, a lot of the time in a bag. Like me folding my wife's clothes is like, I don't know how to fold this. This can't be folded.

This silk blouse. This is shirt underwear socks and it's about the size of what shirt would take up on its own. Hello. Savings space on my way. You got Colin here. That's basically a Chipotle burrito. Yeah. With underwear socks and a shirt.

Yeah. And what's cool is you don't even have to like, you just grab one and that's what you're wearing. Just grab one. And if I've done that. If you only bring seven shirts that you know you love, you're going to pick a heater every time. Yeah. And I like to pack a little light just in case I'm touring with a band I like. Straight up.

Because I end up wearing that half the time. When do you remember on our European tour, I came up to you as like, look, I want one of every shirt. Just tell me what to give you. Do you remember that? How did I take money from you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I, but I like insisted. I think you only asked for cost to be fair.

But like I insisted. I insisted. I wasn't. Today I would give it to just so you know. Yeah, no problem. I got what, but that tour was fucking brutal. But I got one of every shirt. Would you ever one of tour with a.

Do you ever do you ever tour with a hard shell like suitcase? Yeah. Oh yeah. Definitely. I try. Now I'm, I would try not to. But I think I have too many gadgets to,

to not do it. I got the iPad. I got the computer. I got the switch. You know, I got, if I'm not consuming three forms of media at a time,

I'm having a bad time. You have your, your AirPods Macs. Yes. And they come in a case, right? They got a little good. They come in a bra.

I don't know how else to describe it. It's not quite a case, but it is supportive. Perfect. I'd say it's a C, you know? Pretty much when we fly, I take a, I got a shitty Amazon suitcase with wheels that has lasted me like, oh, it was 2016, six years. With wheels. With wheels, baby. Does it have the quad wheel that rotates?

Oh, yeah. You can't live without that at this point. No. The quad, the quad rotating wheel. Dude, now I got this fucking backpack, man. It's called the Peak Design Travel Bag. It's a huge backpack. And it has a slit in the middle on the back.

So when you have a handle suitcase, you slide the backpack into the middle. Love it. It's unbelievable. I have a little chrome like over the shoulder bag that has exactly that. It's great. That's fantastic. To my drummers out there, it took me a long time to realize. when traveling with drums that snare and pedals can go in one bag.

Like get another bag to just put the snare and pedals in rather than carry three things all the time. Let me think. Hard shell cases are huge, but that's kind of obvious. I mean, nobody, if you're bringing a gig bag, you're not listening to this podcast, you know? Straight up. This ain't a gig. This ain't a show for gig bag motherfuckers, all right? this is skb only um big fan of a backup guitar started bringing it back up guitar a while ago

2015ish flying with a backup guitar no that's like that's that's stashed right well the the answer to that is a fucking those those boats that have two of them in there those are crazy those are crazy now you're getting into pro territory that's advanced for sure A case of strand, they roll with those, you know. They're called like ankle or something. They're very rad. They're very cool. I don't know if I'm there yet, you know.

Well, we actually had to do that for a bit because we had songs in different tunings. Oh. So we were rolling two guitars deep a couple times with Sean. And it was definitely not fun because you got the other. Did he have a boat or was it four guitars? I think I think he had his. eight breed double case still. Taylor just rocked two cases.

And they both had like a guitar on a stand on stage. What do you recommend for a band, a newish band who's getting on the road, they're doing a tour, they got a routing, it's super DIY, they're probably not going to stay at too many hotels. What is the best way to go about staying at a,

a person's home and what's the best way to kind of... So even before that, I would say when you're starting your band, find a shitty bass player who works at a hotel. Dude. That's the real hack.

Wow. Punished. Have had that. Just get in with a guy or a girl or whoever who works at a fucking Mariah who's got the code. Who's got the code for you. Dude, the code is huge.

So I'm, if you're a bass player or something, you work at Marriott or Hilton, hit me up. I'll do whatever you want, dude. So, but that's the real, if you're, if that's not possible, I would say have Mike Cesario in your band who is fearless when talking to locals. Very insistent. Oh, you guys, if you, if you have a super outgoing person who's like, yeah, not afraid to just chat up one of them. laid back country folk, let them do it and hope for the best. But it's a risk, man. It's a gamble.

And I know that, like, I talked to Ryan from one step closer. I did an interview with him on not passing. They're saying at people's houses like every day, I think. So I don't know what the young ins are doing to do that these days. Maybe they're making, I feel like Twitter or something is just the way to do it. probably yeah probably um a thing that people need to be aware of is price line fucking rocks price line rocks you guys are the the og purveyors of price line tell us about your price line method so the method is around eight o'clock you know what we do we have a rule and i won't say the

dollar amount but we have like a rule where it's like if merch is looking going to be over this amount we get two rooms and if not we need one room right uh we're old i mean i i need i give me a bed, you know, I don't want to save on a floor. That's where I'm at now. I'm 30 years old. Totally. 3D years old. And I'm not, I just won't do it.

Mm-mm. Like, and that's why I'm kind of afraid to go back to Europe. Like, I'd love to, I'd love to tour there again. I'm really, I'm really, I'm, I got the itch to go there, you know? Really? Yeah, because I, like we said, talked about in the end. Andy episode. Like, I feel like I, I took my traveling for granted a little bit. Yeah. And I'm now regretting that. So I want to go back. But a lot of it is staying in the venue, staying on the

stage. Like, that's still a thing. And yeah, call me a baby or whatever. But like, give me an ibis, you know. Totally. I know it's cheap. I'll pay. Yep. Just help me. You know. all right so price line you can either we usually do the express deals we don't even name your own price because they're so they're genuine

it's a nightmare name your own price dude oh yeah that could be a nightmare you'll go all the way through and then it says ah sorry exactly but also the the fucking mystery thing you guys do the mystery one

we do the mystery one but we it's a risk two and a half stars and up that's the requirement Sometimes you can sleuth and find it. Yeah, you can, right. We should give some context here. Yeah.

There's a price line feature where you like filter in what you want and it'll give you a really great rate on it, but you won't know what the hotel is. You won't know exactly where it is, but it'll tell you like North Nashville or whatever, wherever you're staying. Three stars in this area. So you can look up that area and every. three-star hotel and sometimes there's only one. Exactly. Sometimes it's like, huh,

there's a courtyard by Marriott. Dude, let's go. That is, and like how many times we've gotten lucky with the courtyard yard by Marriott. But sometimes you show up and they're like, we didn't,

like you booked a two king rooms via the mystery thing. And there's like, we don't have rooms, but you're going to have to talk to price line. So that's something that we've definitely learned that the hard way because that does happen. James will make the booking and then call to also let them know

they're going to be showing up at like three or four in the morning because we do the, you know what I mean? Because they'll also give your fucking room away sometimes. Or they'll just, yeah, dude, I mean, they're not showing up. There was one time where I think we booked a hotel for United Blood or something.

Yeah, that's always tough. And Richmond. And it's the worst travel day ever, every time, because there's no direct flights to Richmond. and we booked the hotel like Friday to Sunday, but we're completely delayed Friday and showed up Saturday. And because we missed day one of a three-day reservation, they gave away the entire reservation.

And then you're fucked because there's people in town. Everything's fucked. So here's your survival guide tip. If you're a one minute past midnight, call them and say, charge me, don't give my shit away. I'm on my way. We're on my way. Yeah.

That definitely, definitely happens. And it's the same really with every big fest. RIP, United Blood. Yeah, I was a United Blood. Big fan. I feel like LDB's kind of taking the torch. Kind of seems like it.

Which is cool. I back to the spirit. This year was unbelievable. So, that's what I've heard. That's what I heard. Chris was there. He was very pumped on it.

something we can talk about to is for those of you who don't know we did mention this in a previous episode but my band has some of the worst luck ever and i want to tell you about ways that we found to prevent that so we typically tour with a 15 passenger van that we own and then we rent a trailer we would buy a trailer but in illinois you have to register and have insurance for a trailer on top of your van. We do too, but I think it's like $15. It's like expensive. Really?

But if you run one from U-Haul and you blow a tire, who gives a shit, you're fine, which has happened. What happens? You go to, we've been to the Lus Crusades, U-Haul twice for the same reason. No way. Where the taillights, like the connector breaks, and they just swap it out. They'll swap it out for you.

So you can go, you can take that to any, if you rent a U-Haul trailer anywhere in the country. doesn't apply to me because we own a trailer. But this is good for the people listening. If you rent a U-Haul trailer, you're telling me, if you blow a tire, any U-Haul location will replace that tire? You got to get there, but yes. You do got to get there. And sometimes there ain't one, right?

Straight up. And also, you have to be aware you're not supposed to have the trailer in like Arizona, Utah, and Colorado because of the mountains. So you can't, you can't break down there. There's a straight up like moratorium, like, you can't take the trailer here. And you go, okay, you know, but I won't. So something that we do is we have, we have these things called slick locks. They look like this.

They go on the back door and they go on the side door. And it's basically an external heavy duty lock so that a filthy thief, fief can't, if a fief can't punch out the lock and get in. Because even if they do, it's locked. It's this external padlock. So this is, does this only work for the side and back? Yes. So however, this doesn't work for a driver or passenger.

Which is, which is actually easier to get into. Yeah. But regardless, I think if people, it could have a reverse effect where someone sees it and they go, oh, they must be, there must be something in there. Or, ah, I'm not going to, whatever. Because if they were to take something from the back, they have to go all, you know, like, it's hard. whatever any deterrent we have a heavy duty lock in a chain which also didn't matter in

Vegas but because the Vegas trailer got stolen we found this um wheel lock it's like a boot we put it on the trailer and it makes it so that the trailer tire cannot move now granted they can drag it if they wanted to there's going to be sparks it's going to be loud what i mean at the end of the day if somebody wants in there they want in there's there's there's there's there's an there's an expression that that really got me it's that locks only keep honest people out that's a clip that is a good see you on Instagram I be I've even heard of like in Montreal where they will cut they'll cut in like a curve at a corner and peel it like a can opener and get in there you never

I mean, Montreal, so this is, we can stop. We can pause here for a second. Montreal and Oakland. Infamous. Don't leave your fucking van. Don't leave your van. Don't stay there. We've never stayed in Montreal ever, ever, ever.

Always drive either to Toronto, which is probably the next show or straight. Or Ottawa halfway. Yeah, I mean, we just, we haven't done a lot in Canada more than like two or three days. So we'll either just go to wherever the next show is or we'll go back in the States. Straight to the States. Oakland is like, if you're away from your car for 10 minutes, your window's getting smashed. If there's one visible item in your car or van, your window's getting smashed. So just don't maybe leave, I've seen people leave signs and that works.

Like nothing in here, please go rob a Tesla. You know, like. Yeah, straight out. It's just like, it's a fucking, it's brutal, man. But there's kind of, it's kind of your fault at this point. it's happening to you. I get that. Because you know.

I get that. Yeah, absolutely. I'm big. And blame me. Because you, like in Oakland, I'm not saying you getting your van completely stolen is your force. Because that's fucked up and insane.

I'm fucking right. But like, you know it's like the smash and grab capital of the universe. So just prepare for that. Leave a guy there. Get to the show early and park right next to the venue. Yeah. And look at it the whole fucking time.

the whole fucking time sell merch at the van straight up we've done it if you have to fucking do it yeah you know um another thing that people should be aware of is you can get wrenches insurance on your gear you can get um they have touring specific insurance that exists the issue with that is you have to prove ownership so for example we have i have renters insurance james because of where he was living had homeowners insurance there's red tape everywhere both of of our insurance representative said, sorry, there's not, you know, it's U-Haul. Yeah. And then U-Hull said, look, we can't even guarantee you're not going to have to pay for the trailer, $6,000, let alone your shit.

Did you pay for the trailer? We got out of it. Thank Christ. We got out of it. Yeah, straight up. Wow. But so if you think that you're good because of your rental insurance, really look into that. We're like, really like get down to the nitty gritty you may need. And also, this is another tip. Get your serial numbers. your your proof of purchases if you can yeah get all of that stuff i have all of my serial numbers on the numbers app on my phone just in case and i only learned this in 2018 yeah but i learned the hard way just the hardest way um what was anything ever recovered from that yes so this is this is a cool story so we james and i woke up dude yeah we could talk about this this is great so So for anyone who doesn't know, in 2018, we were beginning a tour with Terror. It was the life and death tour, but Terra had just come out with total retaliation.

So it was the terror headliner of on the new record. The first show was going to be in San Diego. So we had to drive from Chicago to San Diego, but we had a show booked in Las Vegas. Played the show in Las Vegas, stayed in the Luxor, which we always did. It has the extended lot, which is the only place on the strip you could park, but it's cool because offseason Luxor rooms, a double room is like $35. Like it's it's ridiculous and it's fun and we love to gamble and blah blah so we're doing the whole thing James and I get up early we're walking out to the van same spot we always park and like there was literally like I'm talking about a four-year-old tree not a redwood a four-year-old tree and I'm like walking up and I'm like oh the trailer must be behind that

like not putting it together right you had a straight up pee-wee pee-wee moment with the bike yeah straight yeah exactly I was in pure denial and the best thing is to so was james and it wasn't until we got there we were like yeah that's gone like it's gone we're fucked brutal wow we kind of touched on this with the native or the brodie episode yeah um but anyway we drove straight to san diego continued with the tour and kind of like pieced gear back together throughout the tour um a couple months afterwards as a matter of fact that was late 2018 it was 2019 on a knocked loose tour i believe someone messaged us on either Instagram or Twitter. It was like, hey, is this your thing?

Is this your guy's stuff? Sure enough, there's an eBay listing with I have a very unique Les Paul Style Ibane as that they only did for that year. Two other guitars. Shout out to whoever sent that to you. I have tried looking for it

in preparation for this and I don't know where it was. I couldn't find it. But yes, if you're listening, oh my God. If you're listening, you are a saint. We got that stuff back. they scratched off serial numbers I mean they they tried to hide this shit so what ended up happening is someone someone just hooked up the trailer to a suburban

and drove away with it they found the trailer in the Mandalay Bay parking lot which is next to the Luxor which is interesting they just brought it back basically that's what made us not have to pay for it's so hey empty they emptied it and returned it to the scene of the crime think about how big a Vegas parking lot can be and how long it takes to go anywhere there. Straight up. Yeah.

Like, so, so they, they sold the stuff to like a fence literally. And then the fence sold it to like a pawn shop that had a, um, an eBay store. And that's where this all gets connected. The detective on the case. Isn't there, isn't there paper trail between these things? So they're smart, dude. They don't. The guys who stole it don't go straight to the pawn store.

They hire someone to do it. maybe offer drugs to do it whatever they they break the chain of evidence Lance Hardman is the detective who's working on this case swear to God he's is explaining all of this stuff however and I know how we feel about cops and I don't disagree with the feeling on cops Lance Lance Hardman did his job and I got my shit back wow what are you gonna do what are you gonna do right so we got it back from the evidence you know a broken clock is right twice today There you go. There you go.

It's very simple math. Simple. So we got three guitar back guitars back. Nick got a dual wreck head, his head back. And then shout out to Emma from Dying Wish because a box of our merch wound up in Portland. What? From Vegas. No way.

Swear to God. How? She, I, I, we have no idea. There was some thing where like some of the stuff wound up with like a mobile meth lab in an RV. And they went up the coast and we're trying to like pawn off stuff along the way. They had a box of harm's way merch and they were trying to sell it. Dude, what year is this? 2018.

This is like this is 74. I know. Some lady in Portland contacted us on Facebook. Wow. It was like, hey, I got a box of your stuff. like if you want it I'm happy to hold on to it for you Emma went and got it for us and UPS to us somewhere on the tour That's really bizarre

Did you count it? It was a crime ring no he didn't count it You should be nice to know what was taken What was to I mean When I say we had a full tour's worth of stuff Stolen it was day one Dude we had I had a backup head

Dude From from from our friend Dean who makes Dean Costello amplifiers in Chicago. He makes these heavy metal warfare heads that are like Taylor has one. They're fucking awesome. And he gave me a prototype to try on the tour and that got taken. You know, like, I'm just thinking about, I'm, I'm envisioning how full our trailer is day one. Yep.

They hit the jackpot. And think our first, you know, four or five shows or whatever all in California. Yeah, yeah. So you're prepared. You're preparing for the best shows of the tour. Exactly. You're overprinted. Gilman's God.

Gilman is our fucking spot. We do great there. So we literally had a full merch order. I'm psyched to have Alec on here someday to talk about freedom getting robbed because there is this legendary pick of like this homeless dude wearing a freedom shirt the next day. Seen it. Oh, yep. I mean, I'm sure I'll have put it on this episode just now. Yeah, now you have to.

Oh, my God. It's so good. Yeah. So the reason I even brought that up was some of the smart me-ass responses we got after we we like posted about having our shit stolen was a Can I have my money so someone literally responded renters insurance and it's just like brother that's not how it works Like you can't prove to Geico who owns boxes of t-shirts Yeah, yeah, yeah and it's not mine because I don't own the LLC you know what I mean like it's a whole fucking thing

second people are like that's why someone should always sleep in the van fuck off with that dude that's fucking dude it's lost Vegas yeah get the fuck out of my face somebody should sleep in the van that was that was the one day on Twitter where I disagree there was like some discourse about like some band who was sad about getting robbed which sucks and like the the entire the sentiment against them was like always have someone in the van fuck you Yeah, because I want to risk getting shot for a bunch of guitars. Even that.

I'm not doing that. It's at what point is touring fucking worth it? If if 15% of your touring party has to sleep in the van. So like, if I were to, if I were to, if I would have been sleeping in that van that night, it's 80 degrees. Even in the, you know, fall in Vegas. A, I'm dying. Dying. And I'm pissed.

And in order to sleep, I'm on this. we're on the strip i would have to wear earplugs i probably wouldn't have even heard him yeah yeah it's true and even if i did i'm gonna go out there in a in a fucking open carry state or wherever we were in like hey stop that that's that's mine it's that's the dumbest fucking it is like i know i know that it's a deterrent and i know that it can work yeah but in today's like i'm not risking out of here there's there's gotta be other measures now put i mean air tags are the real key now is like, however, did you hear about the dead heat stuff? No.

Oh, I'm sorry, creeping death, not dead heat. No. Creeping death recently had, I believe, their trailer stole. Oh, and didn't cops just like not let them? They were like, oh, yeah, that's not good enough to go get it. How? So, I don't know. But it's kind of like.

That's the one time I've heard that, though. True, because citizen, the opposite. The opposite. The opposite. The opposite. Scowl got theirs back. Like, it's happening left and right. And now I feel like it's like Batman in Gotham, you know?

Yeah. Eventually the idea of Batman is scary enough to deter crime. The signal. Just you see the signal. You're like, I'm not robbing tonight. Yeah. No pun intended. But air tags existing, hopefully is like, you see a 15 passenger van.

You assume there's some air tags in there, which I'm assuming next is going to be a product that like the air tag killer. Like disable the signal. Do you know how they actually work? No. Air tax. They do not work based on GPS. They're not independent GPS trackers. They work based on other Apple devices.

Interesting. Meaning, let's say in Las Vegas, let's say in Las Vegas, they drive that shit out to the desert to some fucking garage. You're never going to find it. Interesting. That's how their, that's how their system works. It's a great system. All of our iPhones are air tag trackers that feed in a, the Apple network to locate things for other people.

That's why, and this was driving me crazy for a while. Sometimes I'd be driving with Brody and it would be like, you are traveling with an air tag. And I'm like, shut up. I'm like, it's so annoying. But then I realized that's for like women and stuff who are being tracked, who have gotten right. So that's an amazing feature just to be like, oh, shit, let me take care of that.

And then what's the inverse of that? A criminal gets your van. get that notification, oh, I better look for it. Yeah, but you can't find it. If there's enough of them, you ain't find it. Very true. Sometimes you think they're. You should be like, holy shit, I'm being tracked.

I better get the fuck out of here. I think they're like four for a hundred bucks too. That's a great deal. So it's not foolproof, but it's, it's, sometimes it's enough. And another thing that started, stop this, but like, whenever touching tongues would tour with the trailer, we backed it into something. There you go. That was my next thing.

Every time. find like a a bright spot close to the door and back into a dumpster or something exactly so my my our solution what i found is dude and this is legit i know it sounds like conspiratorial and like kind of paranoid but like don't post about even what hotel you like don't don't say anything on the internet yeah about where you are just don't because you never fucking know you we will typically, we've said this before from if we're playing Omaha, we will

find a hotel three or four hours in the direction of the next show. Stay there. We will back the trailer into a thing, put the boot on the trailer, put the slick locks on everything, and you hope for the best. And that's really, that's the best I think

you can do. I can't, I cannot think of another way. Do you know how tired you just made me saying that? I'm just picturing you and myself. here like getting to a hotel like 3 a.m. How awful is like falling asleep between that drive and then having to gather your belongings like frantically to get into the hotel because you have like seven hours to sleep in there. So the thing about I've said this before too.

I always do the I do those drives typically, the nighttime drives. I will, I have again this little chrome bag. I'll put my little rolled kit and grab my toiletry bag before we start the drive. So when I'm there, when we arrive, I'm inside. I'm checking in. I don't care what anyone else is doing because I'm getting in

and going to bed. Interesting. And that's it. Do you, when you leave the van, and you've been robbed multiple times, so I imagine the answer is yes. So three times.

You are Murphy's Law. Do you, if you're going into like in and out, or like Starbucks or something, you bring in your backpack? In 2015, we were in Dallas, Texas.

There is a location in Dallas, Texas. You don't need to talk this close to this microphone. Don't worry, brother. It was for dramatic. I get it. In 2050. More work for me later. In Dallas, Texas, there's a location off of whatever highway.

Have I told the story before? I don't think so. Of this one, no. You've only talked about the trailer. This is a great story. There is a guitar center that is next to a Chick-fil-A, a Chip-fil-A, a Chip-fil-A, a Chip-Polet, and an in-and-out. That's a dream. I got a picture for this one.

I would feel I would never have felt safer. So we parked at the guitar center. Chris had to get sticks or something. James and I decide, you know what, dude? Let's get a burger, some tacos, and a chicken sandwich.

So we get one of each and a drink from Chipotle and a drink from Chick-fil-A. And there's a picture, this one. And while we're taking this picture, someone was in the guitar center parking lot, took a screwdriver and a hammer popped in the passenger side locked put up the little thing took six backpacks with passports two macbooks gopros everything okay now this gets good call the call the cops you have to file a police report because you never know the cop is straight up like yeah i don't know

if we hear anything we'll let you know and we have to keep going we're on a tour yeah so I'm pissed. I don't have my MacBook. My girlfriend is at home. She's at work. She goes on the Dallas Craigslist. She finds two MacBooks for $1,000 each. And the picture of one is my face, like in the like sign in.

And it's me like. Oh my God. They didn't even do anything with it. Okay. So we called the cop and blah, blah, blah. We explain in Texas, apparently they don't give a shit because they were like, we'll be right there kind of a thing. Oh.

because they were so it was at a body shop they were aware of this body shop for being involved in some kind of crime ring wow and there's no warrant needed they're just like we're on our way brother there was an active there was an active investigation so they were literally like this just adds to the case you just created cause essentially straight up exactly so they actually send undercover cops to go and buy it with cash we figure out a way to route back through dallas where my mom was living and working with the d a at the time this will come back holy fuck Yeah, yeah. Now, we get our stuff back. And maybe I took a GoPro that wasn't mine. They thought it was. You earned it. I earned it.

On the GoPro, there was a sex fit of a guy who got a hooker who had a, it was insane. But it was like all of us plus Baker watching this video of this dude. Just like rubbing his face, this isn't even graphic. Rubbing his face on like the girls like thighs. like thighs and stomach. He has a GoPro strapped to his head. Oh my God. It is the weirdest shit ever.

Deleted that's the next level. My mom was laughing at it. It was hilarious. So we get only two MacBooks and two GoPro's back. Everything else is gone, including all of our passports. So we have to arrange for six people to have birth certificates and social security cards mailed to Michael Morrissey in Philadelphia because the East Coast, the East Coast, the East office for passport like emergency passports is in Philadelphia how we have

how was that all that was recovered they don't ask like where's the rest of this stuff I'll tell you how okay because we learned a lesson that day he left the backpack in the van with all of our money in it because and we're talking we're talking 15 minutes yeah you know but that's more than enough time this guy found whoever did it found several several thousand dollars in cash probably threw away everything else because who gives you know what I mean green jacket gold jacket he was like this is the greatest day of my life

straight up who cares that everything else I'll sell the electronics fuck everything else right now here's what's good tour ends we were home for like six months this this happened in like the spring December of the same year 2015 my mom had been keeping an eye on like the case with that place and like just keeping an eye on that place. She messages me one day and she says, they just found the two owners of that body shop

executed. Two bullets a piece in the head in this shop. Holy fuck. So that's another thing of the like, someone should always be in the band. It's like, hey, this is Texas. And these guys got literally executed like on their knees. Okay. Like like with the pennies and everything.

Yeah, yeah straight up okay so that's what happened wow so always bring your shit inside dude bring your personal stuff we ended up getting the passport sorted and we played the tour we've never missed a show we've been robbed three times unreal we've never missed a show because of it because fuck that you know what I mean I James James lost his passport within 20 minutes of landing in Sydney on our first time there And we didn't miss it home. Hell yeah. Wow. You got to make it happen, Captain. I don't, I'm not taking a shit without my backpack, essentially. No way. It's,

and it's the one time that you become complacent and you leave it. And even in the, I don't even, and this is, this is another beef of mine. And I'm sorry to whoever I fend you. Oh, I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The green room is not for your, friends. Like there's there's there's got to be a code in force a green room law. Like the girlfriend of the guy who is the guest of a guy who is the guest of a guy. Yeah. The boyfriend of the girl who's like whoever. Yeah. Like my most important belongings are in here. This is my this is my, this is my, I understand that like there's party bands and stuff. Yes. That's their shit. They're like the party is back here. I there's nothing you can do. about that. But like,

there isn't. If it's like a tour where I'm like direct support or headlining, get the fuck out. Get up. Get out. I'm sorry to. No. I understand that I like,

yeah, I understand that I'm the asshole there. But like, first of all, there's times where like, twitching tongues, coat orange and dying fetus on the Habri tour, we're sharing like 50 square foot rooms.

Yeah. And like 10 people extra would just come in. And like, if Sean Martin is not sitting down and you are, you're doing something wrong. Yeah. Yeah. Show some respect.

Straight up. Let Sean sit. Okay. So I feel like it's like immediate partners, girlfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend. Totally. Family. Totally fun. Even like a guest is understandable.

Anyone who's been on the road who like you've toured with. Yeah. I will trust like that's kind of fine. And like Baker. Baker can go anywhere. Baker gets the universal. Universal pass. It's fine.

Like a guest of a guest of a guest. I like I don't want to not feel at peace in my in my temporary sanctuary. You know? This is a good transition. Respect shown while on tour. Consideration for other bands. Consideration for the tour for the tour manager. All the dude.

Is there any worse job? on earth than tour managing? Hell no. You are the fall guy for everything. You're the dick of everything. Yeah, you got to lay down the law while everybody else. It's all your fault.

The timetable is all on you. It's a thankless, thankless job. Also, this is a big one right here. Green room bathroom. Don't shit in the green room bathroom. No, I mean, even that, I assume when you got to go, you got to go. Don't piss all over the seat

in the bathroom that only you and your friends are using that night, you know? Don't, and like, like, somebody's going to clean that up. And like, you're the only band in the room. So whoever's running the venue is like, well, this band are fucking assholes. They pissed all over this. These fucking pigs. Yeah.

I get, I get a shit. I'm not going to be mad at a shit because I, I, I'd be shitting. But I'm not, if I, if one drop of urine of mine touches that seat, I'm feeling shame the rest of my life. Absolutely. dude on warp tour there was a porta potty behind each stage we are on like the monster energy stages and there was like a our stage like you had to have a tour laminate only to use this porta potty and that definitely obviously like there are guests and stuff so whatever no big deal

you get used to using porta potty's over a summer which i hate to admit but you do i'll go anywhere i don't just go dude here we go where is the the most difficult or like hardest or most shameful place you've ever had to shit. Oh, I've gone outside dozens of times. Dozens. I've, I mean, I was, okay.

This is, I'm putting myself, I'm hanging myself a little here because I, there's some, I'm kind of notorious for peeing in a bottle. And I'll just, I'll toss it right into the trash can. Absolutely.

And it's, I, I have to drink sometimes two gallons of water a day just to, just to keep it lubed up here. And boy, are you pissing. Oh, I, I, I piss every 15 to 30 minutes straight up. Yep. So. And like full volume to like. Full bottle. Like not just like, yeah, every time.

Clear beautiful piss. Every time. So I don't, I don't, it's, it's, I'm not going to like put it in. fridge to like trick somebody but but i'm pissing in a bottle i'm pissing wherever i can like all the time so if you see me come out of a dark corner with a bottle in my hand i just pissing it and i'm sorry um i'll piss at a bottle before waiting three minutes for a bathroom absolutely but there's there's there's there are there are toilets and bathrooms that like don't have stalls around them that are like just two toilets facing each other.

And I've shit there, no problem. When I ever shot in a squat potty? Squat potty. Like a little kid toilet? Nowhere. It's just the hole in the ground. Oh yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

Japan. What's the thing the venue in like Osaka or something? Yeah. The venue has the, has the hole. Yeah. What's that fucking? It's honestly very. It's the palm dude's venue.

It's very efficient. The whole. Yeah. because you're you're lined up right like right that's the yeah that's why people have the squatty potty right that position for your body is just like you're like wow anatomically they are on something with this one time convicted played a show in uh somewhere in iowa and we're on our way back and i i must have eaten something whatever i had to go so we pulled over and i ran through like some some literal weeds and i'm next to the like it's midnight

The stars are out and the rage in Mississippi is next to me. No joke. It's like right there. And I'm letting loose and I had to wipe with a convicted t-shirt. Oh, man. The only thing there. You're foul. It's the only thing.

What am I going to do? You didn't bring nothing? It was a one-off show. And I'm usually not, I'm not an IBS guy or anything. I'm usually very, you know, reliable. This reminds me of, I'm sorry to interrupt you, but before, it leaves my mind. There was a ruckus show in Riverside

or something one time. And me and Taylor are stuck heading home in bumper literal bumper to bumper traffic. And Taylor is dying, fighting for his life, holding it. And I've heard him tell this story, so I don't think he'll mind. But eventually he gets to the point where he's like,

I got it, I gotta go. And he puts the car in park, and he goes next to an 18-wheeler. And he talks to the guy. He's like, hey, I'm going to take a shit right here. and the guy's like and he just took this like a big old

dumper right right on the side of like the 210 or something wiped with a leaf felt incredible but I just loved him getting back to the car and telling me like yeah

I was talking to the guy in the 18 wheeler and he like didn't mind so dude what a fucking champion wow that that is a Mr. brother right there yeah

you know know what I love on the quick segue from shit is when you're when you're driving you put on the you start to pass the 18 wheeler you have your turn signal on to get in front of them he gives you the flashers and then you hit him with the thing the brake tap and he hits you back that's respect guys it is I can't stand the thing I hate most about driving with a trailer is just is the feeling of pulling up to an 18 wheeler uh where I feel like the there's a a wind vortex that is created. Oh, I don't you drive upon him.

And like, just, I'll be normal. You know, I'll just be flowing, going 80, 85, get next to this truck. And I'm like, it's shaking left and right. I've got to get out of this vortex and get ahead of this guy. So I'm, I'm like an ADD van driver where I always need to be like, I got to get around this guy. Got to get around this guy. If I have to, if I have to change my speed for somebody, I'm getting around them,

which probably not smart for a van dera trailer but i've saved lives doing that let me tell you what there was a deer one time that god's hate was in peril and i was driving and if i had any if my reflexes weren't razor sharp there this would be a memorial episode for me oh god and Nate and leo oh dear every oh like it was i'm telling you if you get pictures this thing. Okay. It was like deer is here. Right here.

Right. Yeah. I have one second to swerve. It's like, and the whole, the trailer follows. Yeah. I'm sitting there like,

and like, and like, it was three in the morning. So everybody woke up from that. And I think only Leo was awake and saw it and was just sitting in the front seat. Like, that was fucking crazy. Dude.

Because we're, A second from death. They say you're not even supposed to do that. You're supposed to hit him? You're supposed to accelerate because the odds are they're going to jump. So if you swerve too late, he may have jumped anyway. He was facing this way. Okay.

And I swerved this way. I got you. So it was like, he's not going to, he's not juke in me. He's not going to jump backwards. No, he's not like, he's not trying to break the van's ankles, luckily. But so it was, it was safe to do. And it was like, I mean, you. I didn't think it was just I have to save them.

I have to not kill this thing and myself by moving. We were leaving, again, Omaha one time. There was a crazy blizzard. James was driving. I got to one time, maybe when James is on, we'll tell the whole story of this tour because it's crazy. But we're leaving runaway home. And this was one of those times where we had all the gear in the back

and a mattress on the ground of a cargo van. Same thing. But we're using like all the gear as like a head. bed rest with pillows right because we're all sleeping like with our feet going forward because there was only five of us so it was actually it's actually really comfy james hit some black ice oh and and started fish tailing no trailer so that's better but starts fish tailing james the fucking champion that he is does it right and like turns into the swerve no breaks no breaks no turn into the swerves yeah yeah very gentle very don't panic kind of a thing but while that's happening i'm feeling i'm

feeling the cabs shift, right? Oh. And I realized, like, yo, if we roll, I'm in a blender. Yeah, yeah. This is like, do you remember the,

the rock polishing kits where it was just, it would just tumble rocks? I can't. It may have been before your time. Can't say I do. I remember creepy crawlers. I remember creepy crawlers, too.

This was after creepy crawlers. It's just like that? You go through the oven and you're a worm suddenly? Yeah, you're a glow in the dark spider. I remember that. But I just remember feeling like, yeah, if we roll, I'm going to be like literally pulverized.

So good job, James on that one. There was, there was a ruckus tour one time, ruckus and creatures on the West Coast where our singer Jacob, every day something terrible happened to him. Oh, God. And like to this, like it was so, I felt so bad, but also it was like so funny every time. Like he got like a whole tooth punched out by the microphone by somebody trying to sing along and then like day two we were doing something similar to what you just described where the gears inside and he's sleeping next to it. Dude. Yeah. Base head to the face.

Like that could kill you. Yeah. And he really could. And he had like double black eyes the whole time. Base head. It wasn't an SVT. or anything like that luckily it was like a solid stay it was like a solid stay or like an orange but even so that's 10 pounds yeah at least at least 10 probably 30 to the face oh my god he was not he had a bad

time that tour yeah you know we're out we're out an hour already isn't that crazy see what i'm saying we were like this will probably be like 40 minutes or so this one it's just so you you just think about stuff and you're reminded yeah um let's just real quick before we sign off sure let's go let's revert back to the respect thing on tour sure sure because i think it's important if you're opening for a big tour whatever even not a big tour it doesn't matter if you're if you're opening if you're on this tour if your support if you're the headliner you need to be cool with fucking everyone you need to respect everyone if there's loaders for the venue thank them a thousand times they are are the allies above all.

Can you believe a loader? I cannot. I stand there and clap when there's a loader. Even if it's one guy. One guy is like, oh my God, thank you so much. And that's why when I see, this is kind of a side note, but I'll see somebody be like, I don't know, it goes viral all the time where people are like,

no rock band works as hard as these pop stars who are like singing and dancing and stuff. Like, yeah, I get that. I get that choreography is hard. But like, carry a bass cab. Load an 8 by 10. And fuck off. Oh. Carry a load an 8 by 10 up a stair.

Now, here's the caveat. Hit me. I'm formally declaring war on all sound men at any venue. All in-house guys? All in-house guys. What if they have an iPad? Unless I know you by name. Dude, the iPad shit.

Oh, my God. You don't like the iPad guys? Well, yo, when a dude shows up with an iPad, I'm like, we're saved. Oh, here's the thing, dude. We played a show in Memphis, Growlers on the Cannibal Corpse Tour. Power went out during our set. You know what happens with those iPod rigs?

Oh. They reset. Oh, no. Whole room is unequed. Nothing's mixed. So we're on a time schedule. We have to start playing. I look out.

and that iPod is out in the crowd. So there's there's a risk. Now granted power going out at a venue pretty rare. Very rare. If cannibal corpse store it like you would never think it happened. Oh Lord. Happened. And that's why just like I guess that's just the first thing you do when you are making any kind of money is like, well, we're bringing a sound guy.

Is that the first move? Yeah, I guess that's the first move. Well, it's like merch guy. And then I never got to the point where we could afford a sound guy. So, you know, if you can't do teach, you know? Yeah, right. So I'm teaching you get a fucking sound guy because you can't trust these bastards. A really good move is to find out if anyone else on the tour already has a sound guy, get in touch with that guy.

They will often just be like, I'm already set up. I'll do it for an extra 50 bucks a day. Fuck do they care. If you can afford it, it is so worth it. You know what I love, though, is winning over the other band. A sound guy? Yeah, yeah. It happens.

You're like, do you think you can do something for us? We'll pay you like 100 a day. And they're like, no, sorry, guys. And then day three, they're like, you know what? Don't even pay. You guys are pretty good. Yeah. That's the best.

That's, this has nothing to do with tour etiquette or anything, but this is that. I could do five episodes about the crazy like Death Corps tour that we did. We only did one. But the best interaction with like a guy in the crowd we ever had was what? What was the face? That was the night I fell asleep. Oh, that was, you fucking scumbag. Fuck this show.

It's canceled. But also, before it's canceled, the best interaction I ever had with a guy on that tour was a guy coming to the merch table, arms crossed. He went, you guys were pretty good. That was it. That was it? Didn't buy anything or anything. And it was like, I saw this man's whole life go by when he said that to me. I was like, he hated us.

And then he liked us. Then he hated us. us and then he watched us and we thought we were pretty good pretty good most of the time sold zero shirts yeah also bow completely yeah go ahead this this will be the last story we'll sign off with this i i deserve it i deserve it to this day man was that veil of maya was that the was that the tour of maya upon a burning body and volumes acacia strain was the original headliner but they right flipped two vans in right two days right and had very scary had to drop it after one show.

Very, you know, I'm glad that they're all okay after that. Yeah. Horrifying. Man, that was like, like we almost turned around and went home and, and shut up. But so twitching tongues were going to stay with me. I had an apartment in Hubble Park in Chicago. I invited them. I cleaned the apartment. I was ready.

I was locked and loaded. And your apartment was like, it felt like. it felt like it wasn't in the it was far out but fuck dude B F E for any of my Chicago heads we were at Pulaski and

Armitage it's out there so we get to Chicago and we're like all right we're almost to Bose and then an hour goes by and it's like we've been driving since 11 p.m. and it's like 9 a.m. And we call Bo for how many miss calls did you?

you have. Dude, I woke up to calls, tax voicemails, Instagram DMs, Twitter, ads, Twitter, like any way you guys could try to contact me. You did thinking maybe he has the alerts on for this. And I was just just sleeping away.

You're just going la la la la sheep going by. You're having the most peaceful night of your life while we were outside suffering by your hand. I have never felt as bad as I did because it was you know five or six of you guys oh my god

and it wasn't like we could have planned to stay at hotel but you were like you were like no stay with me Bose got you I didn't even live anywhere near the fucking venue no the venue was in Juliet which is how far from the city 45 minutes

yeah right 45 minutes at fucking 9 p.m. I felt like two hours from your your apartment to Juliet. Set an alarm. Set alarm, kids. Don't be like me.

Just don't, I mean, just don't ask your friends to stay with you. It's really. Yeah, I mean, yeah,

straight up, unless you have a huge house or a studio that Taylor lets me sleep in every time I'm there. That is, that's a good setup. He's got there.

He's got a setup. All right, man. Do you have any, here's one, uh, don't drink all the water. Be consider it.

Sometimes there's only one case of water. Or, put, I mean, a lot of the time they don't follow the rider. We all know that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The guy at the venue, the whoever, the booker, they don't follow the rider a lot of time. But if you're the headliner, they're more likely to follow the rider.

So just put a case of water for each band. Perfect. That's all it takes. That's it. If I'm playing your show and you're like, no, there's no bottles. You have to fill up a bottle at this can't. over here. Like fill up a Gatorade bottle.

No, we have cups. I'm swinging at this point. We played a fest in Belgium in 2019, and I have a photo of this. Remind me they gave us water in dish soap containers. No, man. Emptied out, like recycled. They were dish soap.

So I'm like, on stage. I'm swinging at this point. Where I'm at, it's like you, I'm going to take that as disrespect. Watch your mouth and help me with the sales Watch your mouth and give me a arrowhead You know give me an Evian Give me something

I'll take whatever I'll take it I'll take it DeSani at that point I'll take a Kirkland I love a Kirkland I'm I'm kind of a water Here's the thing I if you I could do the Pepsi challenge With various water with water

With water really I'm like a water super taster I could do it with like aquafine And Desani because they're so distinct Dasani is not water Yes straight up It's just not. The amount of processing it goes through.

It's like the subway bred in the UK. It can't legally be considered water. You walk into a loves. They got every kind of water. We should have started with this. I know. What's your go-to water? So, Fiji, Evian, and, like, I'm not opposed to an Arrowhead or like an Ozark or whatever, the Poland Spring.

Because that is actual spring water. And I prefer the taste of actual spring water. And Evian and Fiji are both real spring water. Smart water, the pH stuff, as everything, all that stuff is like heavily processed. I like, I like the taste of smart water. I like smart water. But it's not spring water. So like there's very.

There's stuff to find that out. Yeah. I found that out and I was bummed out about it. But Fiji is, I mean, it's kind of bougie. it's expensive, you know. But it is the one. It's the best water. It's amazing.

Ever since real world. Way back in the day, they had Fiji. I remember being like, I heard about a Cromag show where they specifically were like, Cromag's only drinks Fiji. And I thought that was pretty funny. Pretty badass. Yeah.

Now I respect it. Maybe at the time I did. But I feel like we scratched the surface of a survival guy. here. We can have part two. Bring a gun is I guess the real survival guide method.

Basically just you got to live every day of tour as though like you're going to get robbed and the TM is going to be pissed. Yeah. So be on time.

Be polite. Do your shit. Say thank you and just move on. The world the world that we live in now sees your van and goes there's good shit in there. Money I'm getting I'm getting money from whatever this is in there. Yeah so live like that

There and and back to what I just said like having a good reputation as a band is huge. Yeah, that's how you meet people that's how you kind of get accepted onto tours like we've never had a problem with anyone we've never had a beef we've never had an issue never had an end of a fight nothing or fucking boy scouts compared to a lot of bands yeah I mean I we are two for the most part. There's definitely, I think there's some people who think that, like,

we're dicks or something just because we don't, like, hang out a lot of, we keep to ourselves. Yep, same. And I can see how that would be a thing.

We almost got banned from all Live Nation shows, which was interesting. That happens. Because I threw a water bottle in a security garden. I mean, two water bottles,

but he shouldn't have been doing what he was doing. Is he roughhousing? Yeah, don't do that. Fuck you. Fuck you. And it's just a water bottle.

You're going to kick me off every, venue in America? Come on. All right. I guess that's it for today, huh? Yeah, I think so. You got anything else? I'm sure it'll come to me the second we stop. So I guess we'll do part two of this eventually.

I think we could do further up further. Yeah, we could do part two's part three. I mean, I shared my ancient shirt folding technique. What else could you want? What else could you ask for me right now? Sorry, my voice is fucked up also. I was recording some stuff. So maybe you'll hear it. Maybe you'll hear it. I don't know.

We'll see. All right. All right, guys. Thank you all so much, and we will see you next week. Beef.