Hate Watch with Devan Costa - Chickenhawk (ft. Ben Avery)

Episode Date: December 19, 2022

The great Ben Avery  @benaveryisgood  joins us to dissect the mukbanger Joey's World Tour and bash John for being a diseased codependent with a thirst for cum #benavery #lemonparty #joeysworldtour #hatewatch Get weekly bonus episodes: https://www.patreon.com/HateWatchPodcast Join the Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/hatewatchpod/ Available on all platforms. Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Follow the pod on Twitter: https://twitter.com/Hate_watch_pod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hatewatchpod/ Follow on Twitter: https://twitter.com/devancosta Follow on IG: https://www.instagram.com/devanjamesc...

It's good to be in something from the ground floor. I came too late for that. I know. But lately I'm getting the feeling that I came in at the end. The best is over. Many Americans, I think, feel that way. Alright, welcome to Hate Watch, everybody.

We're here with the great Ben Avery. Thank you. You guys said some very nice things about me at the end of the last episode i said you were my best friend yeah only because devin started it yeah and i had to i do agree ben is maybe the nicest man i know oh that's so sweet you're a beautiful boy ben we love you dearly i love both of you i always love you you're like kind of you're like smaller than me the chair is lower huh oh uh maybe i'm sitting like a I don't think people understand how tall you are. What are you, 6'4"?

I'm like 6'4", yeah. And your dad never pressured you to play basketball and shit? Because I thought he taught women's basketball. No, he was far too depressed to be invested in my life. But I took a liking to golf rather than basketball. I burned out on basketball. Is it hard to play golf if you're tall? Yeah, it's much harder.

It's like skateboarding where it's, you know, there's like no tall golfers at all. They're all short. They're all manlets. Short and stocky, yeah. Huh, interesting. So, you know, I know you think you're like the best producer in the world here,

but look at the things I can do. Look at this. See that? Holy shit. You see that technology, Ben? Nah technology ben you can't do that you ever figured that out before you've never done that oh my god oh my god here i'm thinking i had job security this whole time no i'm coming for you i'm gonna quit lemon party soon and just become a producer oh my god you have no idea what i have planned. I'm using you. I could be replaced by a monkey.

Well, really you can't have been on without That's right. They know what's coming. You guys know what's coming. We're gonna do a muck bangers row. I thought about getting Joe, did you not know about this?

No. I actually thought about getting a lot of McDonald's so we could have ate it during the episode. Do an actual muckbang. Yeah. How about we do it tonight?

We'll film it on our phone then it could be like Patreon content or something. I'm down to do that. Okay, let's do that. Ben and I were already going to do a muckbang for Lemon Party.

We were going to do it in front of his fireplace. Don't reveal the end, though. Oh, okay, right, right, yeah. It's a good ending. Well, I'm excited for that. You'll be a part of it, Joey. You'll be a part of it, Joey.

Ben is the guy that I got all my leads from for the Yankee and the South. We did a lot here. We did a lot here, Ben. We've done a lot of Will and Don. Ben's like a CIA asset. He's not a source with confidential information. He's just passing you Will and Don, Joey's World Tour.

It's like an autistic weatherman. It's Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross, but with fat, retarded people. The two muckbags. I have the lead, Joey. He has the lead. Yeah. A-B-E, always be eating. lead joey he has the lead yeah a b e always be eating so joey's world tour is somebody we've never delved into here i've been waiting for you now what is how'd you get into joey uh well joey's

very popular uh he's like 9 000 views he's not really well 448 000 subs and he's been what blew him up back in the day is he uh his uh like many retards back in 2010 his johnny carson was tosh.0 oh he got he got the tosh approval he got the tosh stamp of approval tosh waved him over to the couch and uh i think he did a video where he choked on a bunch of chocolate or something and fell in a sprinkler and was wearing mickey mouse ears my memory isn't too good these days but uh you know my brain doesn't really uh see that as precious information sure no no you're writing a novel you're writing a novel that's right i don't know how your brain functions i'm starting my second one by the way as of today. Congratulations. Thank you, buddy. You finished the other one a couple days ago, right?

Yeah, and I sent it to a few friends. One friend really loves it, actually, which is nice. I've worked on it for like seven months. It's nice. I haven't got any feedback. You work on something for seven months, you don't know if it's... You have no idea. Yeah, and so I got my first piece of feedback.

One person thinks it's good. Well, you showed me kind of the outline of how you wrote it. And I read some passages, and it was very, very eloquent. Thank you. Well written. I honestly didn't know you had that in you. Thank you. I haven't heard anything about it, but just knowing Ben,

could I guess what it's about? Go on. Okay, so first of all, I think that there's probably a lot of people having sex with cars. Okay, so first of all, I think that there's probably a lot of people having sex with cars. I think the main character wears a horsetail butt plug. So far, I'm right? So far, you're dead on.

Yeah, that's exactly what it is. No, that's my entire plot that I have for it. It's a guy with a horse tail butt plugged fucking cars. There is a furry in it. Oh, really? A dead furry. See, I was kind of close. He dies?

Spoiler. There's a dead furry in the first 40 pages. Oh, they find a dead furry? They find a dead furry, yeah. I got a fucking sentence. Hanging from a tree, in fact. I'll say this from what I read and what I know about it. It's definitely like only Ben avery could have written it yeah and i don't know who that uh will be for like you're underestimating you're underestimating yourself you're

underestimating how many people are also fascinated by these people i mean look at this you think this guy has uh 447 000 subs and they're all just like genuine fans they watch him they can't wait for him to die oh they hate him they're fascinated and these people they're fascinated like you it's a morbid economy it's not 448 000 like people that also do this and they're like wow he's like the mj of you know eating taco bell no they're fascinated on a on a on a like an internet level like you you know they close their eyes at night enough. No, they're fascinated on an internet level like you, you know? They close their eyes at night, and before they go to bed, they see his face before them.

Neat. And they're disgusted. And then they wake up, and they hear, I'm back! I'm back! All right, let's play a video. What's your favorite video? Because no one on Hatewatch knows who this guy is yet.

We've never done him. We've waited for you. So I would like you to type in Joeyey's world tour notebook notebook yeah let's see if this comes out he ate the dvd of the notebook um so oh wait no no type in joey's world tour behind the scenes i'm sorry why is he in like is he in blackface like what is he always just turns up the saturation on his thumbnails to get more clicks. I hope he gets canceled for Blackface. What's very interesting about his videos, by the way, is he tries to cover up his uniform underneath because he clearly works at like an enterprise rent-a-car or something like

that or like a budget car rental. Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah. Click on Joey's Retour. This is him behind the scenes. Yeah, yeah. And then... This is nine years ago.

So this is like at the beginning of the journey. But I think he works at like enterprise and sometimes he'll put on a jacket but then like the jacket will come back as he's eating because he's his size is enormous right and you'll see you'll go oh you're on lunch break right okay so he uses his lunch break to to film himself eating he's trying to compartmentalize his eating disorder uh-, no, I'm doing a review for my fans and I'm making money doing this. I don't have a problem. And then people that rent the Miata,

they're like, how come this smells like Chalupa? He's using all of the cars in the lot. He's breaking all the seats and he's shitting himself and he's eating. He's got a cheese cigarette crunch hanging from the mirror that's yeah air freshener he's buying go pros like a snowboarder would buy them to film his his his tricks but instead he's simply eating nacho fries he's the only guy buying a gopro for to eat he's the only person buying a gopro for eating and you know he's riding to corporate like at the car rental place he's writing to corporate like we need more we need a bigger diversity of snacks in the vending machine in the break room this is a travesty he's eating

the gopros and shitting them out and then he like shows everyone the footage like it's osmosis jones oh yeah yeah he's he him in the break room, by the way. Imagine Joey's World Tour is your coworker. God, I hope someone... Please reach out to Devin if you know where Joey works. If you live in the same city. And you know someone who's a coworker of his. Imagine you get hired at Enterprise Mental Car. And you just...

In the break room, you're turned around just getting a cold glass of water at your hellish job. And you just hear, you just turn around and it's Joey's world tour. I gotta see one of these. I've never seen this. Oh, you've never seen any of this? You know, by the way, you know every day everyone that works with him has to stop him from putting

crystal light in the water jug? Yeah, in the five gallons. He's always over it like, give me in the water jug. Yeah, in the five gallons. He's always, like, over it, like, give me a little taste here. And they're like, Joey, get out of here. Go sell a fucking Kia. All right, so this is behind the scenes of Joey's World Tour. Yeah, so this is one of the saddest things I've ever seen.

Hey, everyone, it's Joe from Joey's Super Cool Food Reviews. I figure this is the behind-the-scenes look on how I do it. Can you pause it real quick? Of course. I don't want to do any backseat driving here, but from time to time I'm going to do the annoying thing of reaching my arm over here. You're here to do that. Okay. How many views does this have? God, this little gem right here has

250,000. Holy shit. So here is the saddest thing I've ever seen, just to set up the ethos of Joey. And he's giving us a behind the scenes here, like, here's, you know, my cup holder, here's my whatever. I'm sorry, what were you going to put in there?

He's got a Jack in the Box cup, and I feel like Jack in the Box to him is just like, he treats Jack in the Box like AM, PM. This is like a gas station stop for him. He buys us groceries at Jack in the Box. Yeah, he goes into a Jack in the Box with a grocery store

shopping cart. And he goes, just throw some tomato slices in the cart. He brings out a list in his shopping cart. And they're just filling it up. Can you guys undo a Whopper and just throw the ingredients in the cart?

Just put the meat. He goes, I'm cooking tonight. So this guy, press play here, because I want, I'm just going to just look how sad this part is right here. Okay. And these are obviously like, he has like documents up on the dash of like, it's like from his like. Oh no, behind the scenes for him, because he only films himself eating in his car behind the scenes he's just turning the camera the other way yeah that's all

he's doing there's just there's just court like legal documents on the dash like the state of wisconsin verse joey's world tour he's being sued by the state for for mental damage Okay, here we go. And so, and here I have these are all my subscribers. And you can see I write down every new subscriber I get. And this is from June 5th. And as you can see, I write down every new subscriber that I get. We can see, I write down every new subscriber that I get. We can see that.

It's a lot of work, but I appreciate everyone. You're like a cold-lighter. He wrote down the name Megan Fox, and I wonder if he thinks it's actually Megan Fox. I love her in Transformers. He just jacks off to the name Megan Fox.

That's like porn to him. It's just the name of a woman. He just jacks off to the name Megan Fox. That's like porn to him. It's just the name of a woman. A woman's name. He just writes Sarah and he pulls his cock out and jacks his flaccid dick. And then he probably eats his jizz. He's just eating his cum. Dude, the fact that every time he gets a subscriber, he writes their name down in a book is just i mean you remember that uh you know that anime death note where the guy is visited by that evil spirit from the other world

and uh uh he he gets a he gets a book uh where if you write someone's name and as he's writing their name he imagines how they'll die and he can kill people in his life that way yeah joey's doing a version of that but it's it's it's so much more sad yeah it's so much more like writing their name, he imagines how they'll die, and he can kill people in his life that way. Yeah. Joey's doing a version of that, but it's so much more sad. Yeah. It's so much more, like, evil. Yeah, no, this is, like, seven. Yeah, yeah.

This is something out of seven. It's Kevin Spacey. Yeah. What's in the Jack in the Box? It's seven, but it's just the number seven. What's in the number seven like he's gonna have a jack in the box uh this is i mean when i saw this for the first time i couldn't believe my eyes but i think we need to just show probably joey what what joey kind of does yeah because you can't really do a behind the scenes of a movie you haven't seen no right so i i think um just go to let me think of a disgusting thing

he ate recently. Just go to Joey's channel and we'll just, you know. Every video's the same. Every video, he eats something in his car. He makes really stupid, it's not even dad humor,

it's like. No, they're all the same, but we need to show Joey, not Joey's World Tour. Tour. We need to show Joey, like, just how, it's just, it's just...

He is the worst of all of them. Yeah, he's bad. Actually, I don't know. Him and Nick Okada should have a fucking Battle Royale. I like him a lot more than Nick Okada so far. Well, you haven't... That was him humble in that video. Okay, well, let me see him at his worst. Here's him like,

okay, let's do Wendy's new Italian mozzarella chicken. This looks like a good one. It's all the same shit. Okay, it's Joey's World Tour. I put him on top. Wait a minute. This is a little bit of a different intro, actually. Here's something that I want to break down here, because I think I've just realized something.

These are, these mukbangers are, This guy and Nick Acato, they're latent homosexuals. They're hiding their homosexuality and they're filling it with mukbangs. Why do you say that? He's gay. Is it because he's gay? He's so animated?

I can just tell. He's just gay. Yeah, I don't get it. Yeah, it's pretty gay. They have parents that wouldn't accept them being gay or something they come from like some small you know closed-minded town and they got on the internet and they they they they fed that hole in them with with food and now they're i mean there's something here there's something about it they're, I mean, there's something here. There's something about it. They're gay. Buckbangers are all gay. Yes.

And instead of like, instead of fucking men, they're filling their, like, I don't know. So some gay guys fill their holes in different ways. Oh my God. Is that what you're saying? That's what I'm saying. He's filling his holes. He probably shoves these whoppers up his ass. He probably fingers his asshole while eating

a mozzarella sandwich from wendy's yeah probably yeah no you know what i mean ben isn't there kind of like nikocado's gay uh yeah joey to me is just he's not really a sexuality he's more of just a shape he's asexual yeah it's more of a gym it's a mathematical thing to me it's like geometry he's the it's the border of him yes sure sure he's like the abyss before god created the heavens so if you look at like the the the the symbols of all the genders like you know how there's different symbols for like shit now oh uh well there's always been because then awesome powers right it's always been that shit it's like whatever his is just it's just a big fat guy yeah it's just a big fat guy from wisconsin wherever his gender is fat his gender is fat he has no gender his yeah his flag would just say you're fat yeah

if he had a if he had a flag of rights yeah yeah uh yeah but this is a different one he's usually not driving he's usually just can you actually click on another one because it's bothering me that he's trying to mix it up here. Yeah, I don't like the driving. It's like it's a little too much exercise to see. I don't like knowing his foot is moving. KFC. This is 3.4 million. KFC's Nashville hot chicken.

Oh, God. Should we do this? Yeah, sure. Click on it. You say 3 million? Hi, everyone. It's Joe with Joey Super Bowl Food Reviews. I'm back.

How are you doing today? That's his catchphrase. I'm back. How are you doing today? That's his catchphrase is I'm back. Joey, what if your parents named you Joey because they love Joey? They're huge fans of Joey's World Tour. KFC, Kentucky Fried Chicken's new Nashville Hot Chicken, everyone. I'm a chicken hawk. Anyway, so it's got- Okay, okay, hold on. That's a chicken hawk. Anyway, so it's got... Okay, hold on.

Chicken hawk is an adult man who wants to have sex with young children. I swear to God you can look it up right now. It's a weird subliminal thing that he leaked that. What a beautiful mind you have. Are you kidding me? There's a documentary called Chicken Hawks that's beautiful and it's about

older men that are in favor of marriage of children. It's used in gay culture! Yeah. To denote older males who prefer younger males for partners. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Did you find that out from watching this and you looked it up or did you know that? God, I hope not. I think I just had previous knowledge of the documentary.

I just said he's gay! I know, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's using coded Pizzagate language. It's like a dog whistle for pedophiles. He goes, oh, the chicken heart. He can't even refer to the men he wants to fuck

unless they're named after a food. Chicken. He has to be like, oh, you like a drumstick? His role play is all food based. Going out to the club tonight. Can't wait to get my hands on one of those sloppy joes. He's just talking about like a black guy. Yeah, he could be as very possibly as a gay pedophile.

He is gay, and the pedophilia we'll find out about later, maybe in 10 to 15 years. Well, it seems you're creating your own reality now, Devin. Wherever you look, there you are. You said 30 seconds ago, Joey's a gay guy. Benjamin. He says in the opening of this random video we clicked on he's a chicken hawk. Yes, I'm right.

I got it right. Did you foresee Kobe dying? Are you doing all this? No, I never saw that. I think now Kobe gave me the powers to identify a big fat gay man. In Kobe's death, this

gift was, the trauma was so it was it's not all bad i got a skill it was a it was uh the equivalent of you being struck by lightning essentially was kobe dying in a helicopter crash yes yes now you have the this strange gift now i have a weird gift where i can now quickly identify whether a guy is, you know, gay. Profile fat queer. Dude, that is crazy. I just said he was gay. It's making me rethink you as a person. You were just kind of like, I don't know about that. And then he says a coded gay language.

I see weird serendipitous things all the time where I see, like I'm thinking like the other day I told you I was thinking of Jay Leno in my head. I literally looked up and he's standing in front of me. That shit keeps happening to me all the time. here's a weird thing this is strange i'm gonna put this off real quick um i watched this movie i was leaving after we did lemon party i was leaving your place i was driving last night uh no this was like three weeks ago and like before i

came over i watched this movie captain fantastic with uh vigo mortensen Oh, is that where he says the N-word and he got in big trouble? I'm pretty sure that's the one where he tried to academically use the N-word. I've seen it and I don't remember that. I don't think so. I don't think there's a big N-word scene. I'm sorry, this is the movie where he's raising his kids

to read Misha. They live in the middle of nowhere. He raises them gay. He raises them to get the shit kicked out of them when they enter the workforce. But anyway, his son in that movie is one of the main characters. And it was just weird.

I was just watching, and I was like, that guy's such a good actor. And I had seen it before, and I rewatched it. And then I go to your place. We do Lemon Party. That kid is good. He's really good. And then I'm coming back.

I'm driving through Koreatown, and I'm at a stop light and this guy walks in front of me and I'm like, that guy looks so fucking familiar. And then I'm like, wait a minute, is that the fucking Captain Fantastic kid? And I roll my window down and I'm like, hey! I'm like, are you the guy

from Captain Fantastic? And he goes, he was like, of course British. He goes, oh yes, I am actually. Yes. Yes. And I go, dude, I am actually yes yes and I go dude you're I always like compliment people even if I even if I didn't like his performance I'd be like

you fucking rock dude you deserve an Oscar I was just like dude you're fucking awesome that's a you're great in that movie and he was like thanks mate

thanks and then he just stood at a stoplight and like and like looked over at me for like a minute and he was like alright thank you

like Devin is way too comfortable saying stuff to celebrities. He's a star fucker. I've seen this. I'll compliment anybody. He's one of our fakest friends, let's be honest. I'll compliment anybody. If I met Donald Trump I'd be like, what you've done for this country is just unbelievable.

I watched Jurassic Park with him, one of the new Chris Pratt ones. Just the whole time he's like, what a piece of shit movie. This is the biggest what a hunk of shit. Yeah, he goes, the art has betrayed us. I'll never watch a movie again. Because the dinosaurs suck ass in that movie.

Which one, the newest one? All the new Jurassic Parks, it's pathetic. It's like a video game. The first Jurassic Park is still way better. So then like days later, he's stuck. Ben Hellebier. He's stuck. He's in an elevator. Days later, he's in an elevator days later he's in an elevator with

chris pratt and he goes he i think he said something like your talents like what you're so special he's like you're an entertainer like we've never seen i was delivering food to the universe a lot which you and i both yeah yeah you're in an elevator i was in an elevator with him and there was like all this scaffolding they were doing all this work and i made like a joke about the scaffolding and he like laughed and then i looked over and there was like all this scaffolding. They were doing all this work and I made like a joke about the scaffolding and he like laughed. And then I looked over and I was like, oh shit, that's like, I think that guy looks so familiar. I was like, oh, that's that Chris Pratt guy. And then when we got out, I, when I was a loser, I'm still a loser, but when I had nothing, nothing,

anytime I was around anybody that had any pull or not like personally, like celebrities, celebrities. It's like, it's just funny to me i always had this thing where it's like maybe if i fucking make them laugh they'll like just be like hey yeah take up a hundred thousand dollars yeah you have that fantasy in your head you've had since you were a kid of like kobe's gonna break down on my street and he's gonna need a glass of water yeah yeah then he's gonna you've heard it many times yeah he's gonna move in and we're gonna share a bed together and we're going to have sex. For the listeners,

I would have loved that. I would have had Kobe's kids. I would have become trans and gotten surgeries to have Kobe's children. He needed a guy. He needed a boy. Let's be honest. I could have given it to him. I've always had that type of fantasy. As a kid, I used to, before Lakers

games, I would have this fantasy that he would drive down my street going to the game, and he'd get a flat tire, and he'd knock on my door and be like, hey, can you help me? And then I'd help him, and then he'd be like, you want to come to the game? He opens, he walks inside, and he looks around, and he goes, oh my God, I'm about to be murdered.

I'm just covered in Kobe memorabil memorabilia that's what's so fun about you is you're so stupidly optimistic and hopeful uh yet the life has just beaten you down like nobody i've ever seen it's amazing you're not like two-dimensional just from life just backing up over you and pulling forward again and backing up and pulling over again you're right about that i should teach a class on how to be happy and I just go like, you just got to drink through it. Band-Aids. You just got to band-aid it.

Life is going to just keep hurting the people you love. Nothing will happen that you want. There's a trick here. You listen to music, you watch Goodfellas, and you get fucked up. As a life coach, you go, just keep lying to yourself. Poison your body. Escape this reality into another one. It is funny to think about you now with Lemon Party.

Because now you got something kind of going okay for you. Ben, this is all I have. Lemon Party is all I have. Now it's funny. Now if you ran into, like, we're gonna run into Tom Hanks at the bar after this, you're gonna be like, uh, uh, I have Lemon Party.

You can go fuck yourself. I don't give a fuck who you are. That is true, because back before I had anything, if I met Tom Hanks at a bar, I would, like, kind of try and charm him. I'd try and take, like, Chet's spot and be like, come on, why don't you put me in the wheel over Chet? Yeah, come on, Chet. I don't have face tattoos.

I don't rap. Come on, Chet's an embarrassment. Dude, I gotta see Devin around an actual famous person now. Dude, every time... Just tell them to go fuck themselves, frantically. Well, here's the thing, though. I honestly... I'm joking about the whole thinking they'll do something for me. That was always kind of in the back of my mind. I met Anthony Kiedis

as a kid, and he liked the way I played basketball and he like complimented me and like kind of became like a weird friend. His, my friend on the team, his dad was friends with Anthony Kiedis, the Ratatouille Peppers lead singer. So he would like come to games. He's dead,

right? No, he's alive. He's alive and well. Um, no, he's a muck banger now. Um,

and I used to see after I met him a few times and I was like oh he likes me like that guy knows who I am and I was a huge red hot chili peppers fan I would see him at Lakers games get interviewed and in the kid brain and me would always be like the desperate kid brain would always be like I'd always be waiting for him to mention like I always thought like always thought, like, he'd be getting interviewed, and then he'd be like, yeah, it's a great game tonight. And also, I just, I mean, I really, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for the talents of this young kid I met a couple weeks ago. Devin Cost, he's an amazing basketball player.

He's 11, and he's incredible. I just want everyone to know his name's Devin Cost. And I was, I literally had moments of delusion where I'd be watching on TV at home, and I'd like man he just i missed it again he just didn't talk about me he always leaving me out i think i think i've done that before where i delivered food to some famous person and then they had an interview on something and i'm like i wonder if maybe they're gonna have an anecdote about exactly some guy who's really cool handed them a Poke Bowl. Because you had a moment for a second, you made a joke, and you always kind of wonder, like, maybe he'll mention me on Kimmel time.

It's kind of... He's like, yeah, this guy handed me a Poke Bowl, and he said, beautiful weather today. Like, that's his whole anecdote he brings. That's his whole anecdote he brings to the late night with Jimmy Fallon or whatever. That's literally what I was like. It's just some guy with a swollen face who's clearly an alcoholic who looks much older than he should.

A weird dangly Slenderman guy crawled up my steps in the Hollywood Hills with a Pokeball presented like this. Beautiful weather today. And then I just go back down. Like a freak. George Clooney's on the Tonight Show and he's like he's like yeah

i met this young man he offered me a trunk beer now by the way if you compliment uh i'd be afraid to compliment chris pratt he turned him in elevator say you know you love drasco park and he goes oh would you like to learn more about our lord and savior jesus christ that's why I was a little, I was, I thought that. Well, now. He's the only guy around I'd want to talk about show business with. Because the other categories you go into would be awful. He's really unfairly treated.

Is he like a, what is his deal? He's just religious. He's basic. He's average. He's an average religious man. He's Christian, blah, blah, blah. But he goes to church and stuff in like the gay way, right? Yeah. He like does, blah, blah, blah. But he goes to church and stuff in the gay way, right? Yeah, he does it all and shit

and whatever. It confuses me. If you go to church, you have to be an intellectual. Because that's the only way you can make it interesting for me. If you're a dumb guy who goes to church, I don't want to hear anything you have to say about God. You only respect Norm MacDonald Christians. No, I respect Jordan Peterson Christians and stuff.

I was just listening to Jordan's thing on Exodus on the way over here. Really? Yeah. What does he say? Well, he's sitting around with a bunch of, because Ben Shapiro just puts him in rooms with Jews now because he's on the Daily Wire. Yeah. And they just talk about Judaism and Jewish professors and stuff.

And all my neighbors are Jewish, so I've been learning more about the Torah. Sure. I think it'd be cool to convert, by the way. Not to go off on too many tangents. Just to, like, see what it's like? I kind of. You just think you'll wake up the next day with a bunch of money in your bank account? Yeah, I'm going broke rapidly right now.

And you're like, I'm going to convert! One of the reasons why I did start Lemon Party is I got to make it to the end of this lease. And I'm sitting here and I'm going, I got to become Jewish, damn it. And then maybe the stars will align. No, but you know what I am? From talking to my Jewish neighbors who have taken me in are lovely people. I go over for Shabbat and things like that.

I would love to meet a rabbi because they tell me stories of these great rabbis that can predict the future and give them great and mysterious advice rabbis that can predict the future and uh give them great and mysterious advice they don't think you predict the future i mean they didn't see the holocaust coming i mean that was a misstep i suppose i guess way they were just sleeping in that the powers don't work every time i guess the rabbis can communicate with yeshim okay and uh and then the the like uh and then it comes down and then they and then they whisper in ethan and joel cohen's ear they're like dude make no country for old men they could do it fargo why do you think all their movies are so good yeah yeah a

serious man make it i. I got it. Play Jefferson Airplane. Beginning and the end. It'll make Jews cool. The problem is the exclusivity of the thing, but I would love to sit down and speak with a rabbi, but I think they can only speak Hebrew

as well. Also, if you get to the Hebrew translation of the Old Testament, it's Wait, you think rabbis can only speak Hebrew? No, I'm not. They're unable to speak English? I don't even know if they're allowed to speak English. I don't know if you're doing that.

There's a ton of English-speaking rabbis. No, there's many rules. They only speak Hebrew and then when they talk, they do this. They have to rock back and forth, which I have in common with them as an autistic man. Yeah, I seen you do it yeah i i rock for a living i mean they have to speak english here and there no no obviously they do but like it's their secret i would i wouldn't want to be disrespectful yeah i don't want to go into your home if it's a spanish-speaking household and make everyone at dinner speak english i want

to go in sling in hebrew like crazy i hear you i hear you i had a did you ever have a um i had a what are their holidays called uh which there's a bunch hey dude it was it was whatever it was getting invited to shabbat i i did a shabbat no i didn't go to a shabbat i did the one where we all drank manischewitz at my i had a jew Jewish friend in high school, or in middle school, and I went over to his house, and it was a big party, and we all read the Torah, and then drank really sweet wine. And I was awesome, because I was 13, and I got to drink wine. Was it a bar mitzvah? No, it wasn't a bar mitzvah.

It was like- There's a lot of holidays, man. What are they called? I never know. There was another one. There's a- Fuck. We used to even-

It used to be recognized at our school. I don't know. Whatever. I, there's a, uh, fuck. We used to like, even it used to be like recognized at our school. I don't know. Whatever. I would just become Jewish for the days off. Yeah. It's every week. They have a new holiday. Yeah.

Where they're all off or something. They're constantly. Christmas is eight days. They kick ass. No, throughout the whole year. There's, it's like any,

if you have like a real Jewish friend, like it's just a random Wednesday and he's like, no, like, like I'm, I'm staying in bed all day. I have to put icicles in my pants all day. Their holidays are just staying in bed. We've cooked up 45 days throughout the year where we have to just nap all day and watch movies.

Yeah, it's brilliant. They're like, sorry, it's a big Jewish holiday. I have to complain all day and watch movies. Yeah, it's brilliant. They're like, sorry, it's a big Jewish holiday. I have to complain all day. But yeah, anyway, I but yeah, so I started to get into religion, by the way. Oh, I love it. Yeah, this is what you bring to the table here, buddy. You're fucking you're amazing.

You guys said such wonderful things about me. It was really nice. Yeah, it's all... We mean it. You know? I didn't mean mine. Well, Joey did his for a comedic effect. No, yeah.

What did we say, actually? I forgot. I was just making jokes about how Ben is the only reason that I have anything in life. Well, it's true. Oh, yeah, no, no, no. You were saying, like, oh, all of my independent efforts have failed miserably. I said I tried for 10 years straight independently, and then overnight, Ben Avery just gets me immediately hurt.

No, God bless Ben. He's the greatest guy ever. And also, I'm just happy that I get to see him a lot now. It's kind of nice. It's very nice. Me and Devin are coworkers. We're literally coworkers. He was very busy.

I get to sit there and watch him edit and I do a lot of work sometimes I put my hand on his hand and I go yeah just click that it's like the scene in Ghost wow

but uh yeah no um by the way are people mad by the way on this show if like we go away from something and we're not watching

something for a minute this show is a fucking mess nobody there's no rhyme or reason this is the one positive of having a show with just 3,000 listeners is that they'll do whatever the fuck we tell them. Nice. Okay.

I like that. And I think they kind of like the mania. Also, Hatewatch is for the people. It's for friendship. It's the ultimate friendship show. Hatewatch, we don't let anybody in here unless we really like them and vet them. I've seen opportunities to have semi-well-known people come on the show, and Devin's just like, no.

That doesn't make sense. I just don't want to meet them on mic. It's very uncomfortable. I've had to do it recently. I know. It's very uncomfortable. It's a wonderful show. It's very uncomfortable i've had to do it recently i know it's very uncomfortable wonderful show yes it's very strange yeah yeah i mean the problem is is like you're three types of people

right you're who you are in private you who you are with your uh loved ones and then you uh who you are in uh like the public space right uh a public space meaning like with strangers out at a party things like that and uh I don't know, man. It's weird to have to... Anybody that could go... It makes you appreciate anyone that can go on a talk show or something and pretend to be... Just have great chemistry with Jay Leno or something.

A guy that just doesn't care about you at all. It does make you appreciate that, but that's the problem. Robin Williams getting up and running around the late night talk set and being crazy.'s the difference though is that those late night talk shows the guy hosting the talk show his job is to make it feel very natural and let the person feel comfortable let the person go off podcasting is just it's run by just average guys with egos and so they have people on to help their viewership or to network but they don't really want you to like they don't want you to like be fully yourself they don't want you to take over i'll show up put me take a picture of me and put

me in the thumbnail and i'll go home that's all i'm here for it could be as easy as that in fact we should start telling people if they want like Lemon Party to be on their show, just be like, just we'll send you a thumbnail. We'll send you a photo of ourselves. We'll send you a photo. And put it in the thumbnail. And then just be like, oh, they never, I guess they never came at the end of the episode. Just be like, I don't know, I guess they never showed up.

I'll have a white outline behind me of myself that's shaped like me of me doing different faces so I can have the white or yellow outline around my body to put in the thumbnail to make it look like I pop. I'll just take a selfie and send it to people. Just send it. It's the same thing when we did stand-up. We were like, it's just about the flyer, baby. It's about the flyer.

Just get the flyer out. That's all that matters. No one's there. If a tree falls in the woods and no one there is to see it, did it happen? Hey, if a comic had a show and I didn't go, did it happen? Go ahead and say it happened.

It's the same thing. I like H. Foley and that Kevin Ryan. I like that Are You Garbage show. It's very good. But if I had to do it, what if I showed up and I didn't want to answer any of the questions? I can't just leave. Then it's rude. But what if I show up and I go,

hey, can I just kind of sit here? What if the point of, what if you being, what if you were making a grand point? You're like, you don't say anything, and they go, buddy, that's garbage. You go, dude, not participating on a podcast? I got to tell you, pal, that's garbage. And, Tuddy, what do you think about that? The silence?

Ah, it's garbage. He sucks, doesn't he? He hasn't given us anything on this podcast. You're just sitting there. You're garbage, there you're garbage and you're just rocking back and forth shaking going like you should just laugh i would go on joe rogan and be uh very silent and then he's like and then he keeps asking me like what's wrong and i'm like oh i'm really nervous this is very bizarre we're broadcasting to millions of people uh i don't uh

the idea any thought i have is overtaken by another thought. I'm being too hypercritical. This is very abnormal and inhuman. I've seen that before. You want to know what he does to those people? He gets them fucked up. If you were on Rogan. I got a relapse. And you were nervous.

That would be the one time where it's like, it's necessary to start drinking with him. You have to drink his like, whatever his whiskey is. Or it's like, it's like made out of buffaloes or whatever. I'm just drinking buffalo piss. He always has a very special whiskey on the set. A former war hero made it out of gunpowder or something. A Native American baby pissed in a skull. It got distilled into this bottle.

He's drinking it. God, a lot of people are drinking piss on the internet now. It's a big thing. It's amongst the yogi culture. There's a show at the comedy store that my friend Keith Sol runs. I think this was Keith's idea, by the way. Yeah, I don't even think these women actually do this. I think he forced

women to drink piss. He's the new R. Kelly. By the way, I'll do a quick plug. Check out Culture Court at the Comedy Store run by my friend Keith. I love Keith. Keith has a funny podcast,

by the way. Does he still? I thought he ended it. Oh, no, no, no. He was on one of these. I guess I've been caught in a lie. Keith was on one of these. It's a Patreon, I think.

I thought I saw Keith was doing it. I saw on Instagram he's doing a podcast and I saw a clip of it. Oh, maybe he does a new one now. Maybe I guess I've been caught in a lie. Keith was on one of these. It's a Patreon, I think. I saw on Instagram he's doing a podcast and I saw a clip of it. Oh, maybe he does a new one now. Maybe I'm wrong. But anyway, there's a show at the comedy store that Keith runs. Makes women drink piss. A lot of the women

that are on it, they're doing this thing called piss therapy. And they drink their own urine. And apparently these hens think it's therapy and they like drink their own urine and apparently they they you know these these these hens think it's helping them it does something leoto machida used to drink his own piss and he probably still does uh champion mma fighter uh japanese man half japanese half brazilian and he well he was trying to like win fights like for his life. He wasn't drinking piss so he could have clearer thoughts when

nagging his boyfriend. That's just his reward in Japan. He gets a glass of piss. Every time he did his chores in his homework, they give you a glass of piss to drink. Your dad whips his cock out and pisses in a glass in front of you and hands it to you. You thank him.

Because you think you deserve a real award? No. You drink on my piss. You drink on my piss. Oh, it's really for Omri. Very hard work. You think you need a big trophy? Oh, no.

You drink on my piss. My pissity. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm not going to become a piss guy, though. That's where I draw the line. I would never. I'm a curious guy.

I don't even like my own cum. Like, when I cum, I'm like, eww. Like, I, like, run to the bathroom. I, like, act like my head is, like, I'm, like, a different, like, my brain is a different, I just, my body, it's not my body. You jack off into condoms. I hate, I used to. I used to a lot.

I used to go to the, I used to go to out of the closet and take take handfuls of condoms and jack off into them. What is out of the closet? It was like the it was the the thrift store that was like helping out AIDS. Not helping out AIDS. There was a thrift store that supported not getting

AIDS. The first pro AIDS thrift store. Yeah. So yeah they would have cond't like i don't like this a whole uh free aids testing by the way i think they should have to pay they should pay because we all know gay people have money who's that for gay jewish people yeah just trying to save a buck now these these gays are living high on the hog. I had to spend hundreds of dollars for every COVID test. Yeah.

Did I get the channel taken off because I said that word? COVID? Well, it shows up in a fucking thing of a list of things. It's a brand new channel. It doesn't matter. We've said it a million times. If we get banned, we get banned. This podcast is going to exist for the next eight months.

So we're just doing the farewell tour of hate watch right now no I'm kidding I want it to keep going I think it will I think we'll keep it going it just depends on our honestly it's I'll never stop it but there might there might be an end to public episodes somewhere because it's this YouTube stuff it's like I can't I can't be myself yeah sure I don't

know why I can be myself on your show but it's just different somehow well you it's because you're playing other people's content and making fun of it and things like that which i asked you about uh like a month ago or so and then this happened that's the whole point of the show i know much like whatever and then you watch these other shitty documentaries on youtube and they're using tons of other people's content like i don't understand the difference yeah sometimes it feels like we don't know what's allowed and what's not allowed. You get randomly banned. You get flagged randomly.

They don't ever explain why. Let's test some things right now. It's a fresh channel. Say a couple words. We'll try every time. We'll just say a couple words. Go first. If nothing happens next week, we'll just keep inching toward the line. These words. Go first. And if nothing happens next week, we'll just keep inching toward the line. These words, these words.

I'm okay with Ben saying this if he plans on doing Lemon Party for the next 20 straight years. If we do Lemon Party for 20 straight years, what's $12,000 a month? Okay, what's $4,000 a month? In 20 years, I could have like $300,000 saved up. That's true, yeah. I could live off that for the rest of my fucking life.

You know what someone told me, by the way? If you put $6,000 a year away in a Roth IRA, you have a million dollars in 25 years. That's all. Every fucking old retard says that. But also, in 25 years, what will you be able to buy with 1 million dollars i also don't like the whole thing of like if you put it in it grows and in 25 years you can you

it's like i want it now i don't want it when i have like a bunch of crippling health problems you know what i mean like i have an ira that my grandma set up for me uh back in the day and it's very nice but i've wanted to take money out of it for the last like 15 years because I've needed it. It's got like six grand in it and I'm like and I can't take it out without getting taxed like 70% so I would only get like

$2,000 out of it because I have to wait till... It's because you have a monkey brain and you don't understand delay gratification. You're a monkey. I'm a monkey brain and you don't understand delay gratification. You're a monkey. I'm a monkey. Monkey brain. Yeah.

John is monkey pox. I got monkey brain. God, John is so fucking disgusting. John called me right when the podcast started, by the way. Should we call him? What a disgusting retard that guy is. He's a filthy retard. He's so gross, dude.

Let's call that piece of shit. He's so disgusting. He wanted to come to this podcast. He's such a selfish scumbag, honestly. I know. He wanted to infect us. He wanted Joey and I to get the same thing he had. He sent us a picture of his hand, and it's God, can you put it on the

thing somehow? Yeah, yeah, hold on. Because it's so gross. And then we were like, no, you can't come. What are you talking about? No chance we're hanging out with you. And he threw a big fit, like we were being crazy. And he has a very contagious virus that melts the skin

off your hands. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's monkeypox. Yeah. He does. He has monkeypox. He looks like Jeff Goldblum in The fly it's disgusting look at that yeah he's disgusting absolutely disgusting i'm gonna put him on the screen in a second hold on he's so he's so sick though he's the man just wants attention so bad that he's like look i have a flesh-eating bacterial disease everyone has to look at me now isn't that great it's all

for attention you got it on purpose purpose. You got it on purpose. He went and sucked off fucking Harvey Milk. Yeah. I mean, luckily for him, ladies with BPD are really into flesh-eating diseases. Oh, hell yeah, man. Going at John a little bit.

Don't mind if I do. Look at this. Look at that sick fuck. Look at that hand. Dude, put up the newest one that he sent. It's even worse. Oh, it was with peeling? Yeah.

John looks like every guy you'd meet on Craigslist. And he's just selling you a dresser? Yeah he also looks like this a set of wrenches and he acts like there's no problem with it man let's call john for a second he looks like freddie mercury if freddie mercury had mercury poisoning oh john i love John so much. Me too. He says some of the most interesting shit. He goes down the weirdest rabbit holes on... He's the best, but he's so disgusting.

John, you're on the podcast. We're with Ben and Joey. We were just making fun of you and your disgusting disease and the pain you're in. Can I tell you about how hard it is to beat off? Yeah. No, you haven't yet. You haven't. Why don't you get into that? How hard is it to beat off?

Can you give your dick the same thing because you're touching it with your hand? It's only hand, foot, and mouth. It's not penis. So it doesn't affect anything but the hand, foot, and mouth. Huh? It doesn't affect anything but those three things.

My feet, not so much. My hands look like Freddy Krueger. They look real bad. We've seen them. Ben thinks you're a scumbag. Why? Ben thinks you're an attention-seeking, AIDS-riddled scumbag.

I'm attention-seeking? I don't know about a scumbag. I'm attention seeking. I don't know about a scumbag. He thinks you got it on purpose to put us, to just talk about it. Well, yeah, no, this is actually my big move. So, my big move is to melt all the skin off my hands and then you guys will

pay attention to me. Yeah, because we don't listen to you enough. Yeah, exactly. This is literally what women do on TikTok for attention, is they pretend to have diseases and weird neuroses. Very good. Well, also, John is gay.

You're a gay woman on TikTok. Yeah, I'm essentially a... Okay, real quick, guys. It's crazy. That's you. You're always real quick. John's like, let me just give you the short version real quick.

And then it's Anna Karina by Tolstoy. It's like 3,000 pages. Did you hear that, John? You're getting hate-watched! Oh, I'm getting hate-watched. I'm getting hate-watched. I have this new skin, and everything feels different now. Does it feel like you're going to make proper decisions and stuff? He's acting like he's Spider-Man.

No, I've got a new sense. Yeah, I'm like Tobey Maguire waking up. It's like I touch my face, and I can feel every bump in my skin. I'm actually slowly going insane. You've been in the same room all week, right? And you can't... Yeah, I haven't had a face-to-face conversation with somebody. What?

Thank you, Ben. Just the best producer in the biz just told me to... Thanks, Ben. Yeah, he helped me out. You've been in the same room for a week and a half and you can't make any of your own food, huh?

So you've been spending money on DoorDash food and you'll... Yeah, I probably dropped like $300 on fucking DoorDash. And you have like $700 in your bank account

because you've been spending the rest. Hey, Joe. Joe, I got some cones on the way. Hey, ordered some ice cream cones. Oh, you ordered

some ice cream cones for John? You ordered him some ice cream cones. Oh, you ordered some ice cream cones. For John? You ordered him some ice cream? No, no. He ordered himself some ice cream cones. He just wanted to tell... No, he didn't. Did you really do that, John?

Yeah. Come on, man. John, you're ordering an ice cream cone? You're sick. You're not supposed to have sugar. I'm watching White Lotus. I'm eating cones. Are you shitting in a bedpan and eating ice cream like Lieutenant Dan?

No. Is that what you think being sick is? Is getting your leg blown off in Vietnam? Yeah. You should watch Philadelphia. I literally feel like a boss. Yeah, John, put on Elephant. John, put on Elephant Man.

I'm going back to work tomorrow. You know what? I'm going to call the health department. You're going to work. You're going to serve strangers drinks with that sickness. I have to tell my bosses, like, hey, like, I can't open cans of beer. Yeah. You know?

And, like, my hands hurt. They're going to fire you, dude. And you're going to get evicted soon. I hope. I hope my world is so happy. Dude, you're, like, your health is failing. You're going to get fired, like, next week. And you'll be,'ll be on the street.

Your girlfriend keeps breaking up with you, too. It's crazy. Yeah, it's crazy. No, I'll be back on top. I'll get it. John, your life is a terrible dream that you'll never wake up from. John, have you seen that guy on the Reddit

that really hates your guts? Who hates John? There's some guy on the Reddit that hates John so much he wants Mark to come back. I love that. There's this guy that's like relentless. He wrote like three in a row. He's like,

he's like, John fucking sucks! Like it's in all caps. He's like, bring Mark back i agree john sucks no i love john right now that guy that guy hates my cum joke yeah well you gotta stop relying on that you gotta get wittier buddy you've been in a real cum filled shit filled place for months that's my thing

you're very good at other things you just rely on it too much what's that? I'm the best at calling people gay I'm the best at making cum jokes you're really good at growing things on your body too your skin is like soil

for the Earth's diseases. You're a human petri dish, John. Fauci's about to turn you into a laboratory. It's going to be the John Knopf Lab, and it's just John's body, and scientists are going to stand next to him while he lays on a table. John, your body, it looks like you were in

an ancient volcano eruption. John's body's doing its own gain of function research. John's body escaped a lab leak. Everybody in my jujitsu gym chat keeps calling me gay. Yeah, they should.

You got it from those homos too, by the way. Tell all those dirty queers that you got it from them I know it's crazy Well I might have gotten it by like Pants shaking hands with a homeless guy Yeah cause I saw you at your bar a few weeks ago You really think it's really cool to like Go fucking like suck the dick of like

Some like smelly homeless guy John was literally like There's like incredibly homeless people that come into his bar He works at Union Station So it's all stragglers It's like incredibly homeless people that come into his bar He works at Union Station So it's all stragglers It's like people leaving town It's just criminals Incredibly homeless people and criminals

And there's always a guy That comes in with his colostomy bag Leaking and he's in like a wheelchair And he's got like He's a torso And he stinks and he orders like a modelo and john feels the whole bar smells like piss the whole bar smells like piss because everybody's saying stuff about it turning back like can this guy move and then john's like the

lead and then john always goes up to him like hey brother man like oh hey miles davis yeah john talks black to him he goes hey homie yeah homie. Yeah, John goes up to him. He gets out his whole black thing with him. He did do that. You did. I heard your voice change. You had a change in voice. You turn black when you talk to this guy.

Yeah, I go, no, I don't. Yeah, you did. You said something really black to him. He goes, yeah, I know these streets are rough, but. He goes, yo, youngin, I know these streets are rough with no leg, but... It's like Homeslice. Let me wheel you over to the corner here where we can't smell your piss. How about that? Yeah, so then John

like... That's literally what I did. I was just like, this fucking guy smells like piss. I'm like, hey, buddy, can you go over here? Because I don't want anybody tripping over you. But you touched them. You're not supposed to personally move them. I didn't touch him. I moved his chair because he's like... Yeah, with your hand. With your hand! But you touched them. You're not supposed to personally move them. Yeah, with your hands.

With your hands! And now you are dying. How do you move them without touching them? How the fuck do I do that? You touched them! It's not your responsibility to touch them! But my point is, you touched them. You just said you didn't touch them. I don't know.

You're touching disgusting disgusting diseased people that's why you have so many diseases and rashes yeah well you know that this is my life john's so codependent he got leprosy he's like dude i know you got fucking leprosy but like if you if me and denny's like we won't like we'll sit on the uh if you wear a diaper i'll wear a diaper too john you're so codependent you're best friends with a bug chaser. Yeah. No, it's honestly like I haven't talked to anybody in like face-to-face in like a week. Who brings you your DoorDash? Who walks it up to your room? No, I just have them leave it outside.

You just run down and you run back up? Yeah. You better not be touching any of the fucking staircase because you could give it to them. No, I had a little white I'd touch it with. Okay, good for you. I was actually being very careful. So you're going to work tomorrow. You're going to go

infect the entire city of LA tomorrow. John, you can't go. You really shouldn't go. I mean, I don't know what to tell you, bud. You don't feel sick at all? Your hands are just deformed and your whole body's peeling. My hands are going to be fucked up for like a week, guys. Yeah. You know what to tell you, bud. You don't feel sick at all? Your hands are just deformed? My hands are going to be fucked up for like a week, guys. Yeah.

You know what's crazy, though? Everything I touch feels wet. Well, you're ready to go back to work. Yeah, it sounds normal for you. It's weird. It's like everything I touch feels cold and wet. It's because your skin's growing back, dipshit. Yeah, my skin, it's all pink and fucking, I don't know.

That's what happens. It turns pink. Ben, you know what getting de-gloved? Huh? Ben doesn't care. Ben's like on like, Ben's on like, Ben's like making sports bets. No, I was just reading some Patreon comments. Sorry, John.

I have a podcast called Lemon Party. We have a podcast called lemon party if you don't if you don't get your shit together soon and like really make it worth my while for the next year i'm gonna leave you in the dust pal you can leave me in the dust i'll fucking burn your house down burn your house down no you will you just rub your hands all over it and give it aides no need to burn it down just touch touch it. Why don't you touch my house? It'll all start falling apart. If you touch my house, it'll

fall apart just like your life. Dude, you know what's funny? A friend actually delivered me a bedpan. I would use it. I'll send you a picture of it. You can put it on the Patreon. That'll be huge. That'll do what a picture of it. You can put it on the Patreon. Yeah, that'll be huge. That'll do. Dude, the numbers are going to skyrocket after that.

Listen, you can call me all day. 20 bucks a month, you can see a picture of a bank bank. I don't know what you guys fucking want from me. What a dunce you are, John. Oh, man. You're just the retarded protagonist of a David Cronenberg film. Your life is a body horror movie.

This is some sort of horrible psychological thriller, except you're gay. John, sometimes I think about your life and I think I'd rather be a fly. I can't wait until we can all hang out again. We can. I can't wait either. We're never hanging out.

It's going to be about a couple of months. I can wait. How. I can't wait either, but we're going to, we're never hanging out. I can wait. Yeah. How about we hang out with you? Uh, you know, um,

Valentine's day. You really have like, really put the fear of God into everybody that's ever met you. I'm tired of this shit. What'd you say? If you's so gross. I'm tired of this shit. If you love me, you'd get... If you love me, you'd get the disease. If you loved us, you wouldn't want to infect us. You know how codependent of a scumbag John is?

John first off thought he had COVID, right? He goes, I'm pretty sure I have COVID. He goes, I think I have COVID, dude. We're like, well, if you think you have COVID, don't. We're not hanging out with you tonight. And he still came to where Joey and I were. And then he surprised us with, like, these hand sores. And then he starts showing us his hand sores.

And he goes like, dude, it's just fucking blisters from a hard day's work. He acts like he works at a coal mine. He goes, dude, it's just fucking blisters. You know how your hand... He's a bartender. Yeah, you know when your hand is, like, falling off? That's, like, from,'s a bartender. Yeah, you know when your hand is like falling off? That's like from like bartending.

Yeah, it's from picking up a bottle of Miller Lite. So then he comes like three blisters. Thank God. And then he made fun of me the whole night

for like not touching him, which thank God I didn't because I would have gotten your fucking disgusting disease. Every day I still wake up and kind of look at my hand. I'm afraid every day.

I'm afraid every day because of you, John. We hate you, John. This is going to take a lot to come back from. We hate you. Honestly, you deserve this. Why? Just because.

By the way, we're going to all be going to Richie's birthday tonight and you're going to be left out. Why don't you sit on that with your FOMO? I can't wait to be left out of Richie's birthday party. We all know you are left out and you do feel really bad about it. You want to see everyone there. I'm going to go eat scoops and watch White Lotus.

I'm going to feel good. You're not watching White Lotus. You don't watch anything. You have the attention span of a squirrel. You're a hummingbird. Is John a guy who watches a movie and texts throughout the movie? Does he get on Twitter throughout a movie he's watching? John comes over, he tells you,

we're going to watch this, and then he immediately gets on his phone. Hey, guys, dude, it's fucking Kingdom of Heaven. It's four hours long. It's the new director's cut. It's fucking supposed to be better than Apocalypse Now. And he has no taste for, like, he has no sense of timing.

Yeah. Like, it's like 11 p.m., we're coming back from the bars, we're hammered. He's like, dude, we're going to fucking bars we're hammered he's like dude we're gonna fucking watch the four hour director's cut of kingdom of heaven and you're like no one's gonna watch this he's like shut up queer it's like fucking crusades queer

it's the crusades queer and then he gets on his phone and then he leaves 30 minutes into the movie yeah exactly you leave you know what you deserve a beating. You deserve to be bashed relentlessly. Which one are you going to give it to me, huh?

I'll do it. I will. I'll do it all the time. I'll whip you to death. I'm actually a bioweapon. None of you can touch me. That's a good point. That is a good point.

You are so disgusting. We'll never even see you again. You're like a skunk. We're like, yeah, if you get too close we're gonna end up getting sprayed. We're gonna stink. We're gonna have a disease. I feel so fucking weird. I love that Ben hasn't seen you

in fucking years and Ben's like, yeah, you're a codependent scumbag. I just like hanging out with my buddy. Joey's about to spit out his beer. I like hanging out with my buddy. Joey's about to spit out his beer. I like hanging out with my buddy. Sorry. We know, but you don't care about them.

He's like, if that's a crime, take me to jail. He has a massively infectious disease. He's like, what's the big deal? It's not deadly. Joey, Joey, how about we make this a little more real? We're going to do a Patreon with Ben after this by the way so don't act like I know people are here to see Ben and whatever

oh oh with oh yeah for the listeners that are like just come on ask Ben more questions is going to be a lot more of these and we're all well we can do whatever we want the channel won't exist in a week it's much longer Joey you want to know what John said about you recently?

He called me. Can I guess what it was? He's going to say that I'm a betrayer and that I... Is that it? Somewhat along those lines. A betrayer. Because Joey the other day was like,

no man, you can't come to the podcast. Joey goes, send me a picture of your hand. And John sent it, and his hand is literally on fire. Yeah. It's the grossest. It looks grosser than ever. It keeps getting worse. It's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen.

His hand is blood red because all his skin is peeled off. So it's just org. It looks like a burn victim. It's a burn victim hand. Yeah. Yeah. And so Joey was making a much like stricter, he was using a lot more strict about like, yeah, no, we're not.

You can't do it. I was kind of mad thinking about when he showed up with us at that bar. Yeah, I was already pissed about that. And then he's doing, now he's going like, oh, and I'm coming. I'm like, I'm recording. I'm coming to Richie's birthday. And if you saw the picture of what he sent us, it's the most insane thing ever. So yeah, I was like, no, of course you're not.

And so then John calls me, and John goes, dude, fucking Joey, like, I'm so sick of him, like, dictating, like, fucking our hangs and, like, what we do. He's like, you know how many times we help him when he's drunk and shit? And I go, yeah, I go, so then I tell, hold on, dipshit, so then I go, Me being drunk doesn't that I tell, hold on, dipshit. So that I go.

Me being drunk doesn't put you at risk of your skin melting off. Being blackout drunk's not contagious, you dipshit. 14 billion times. Yeah, John, he's not contagious. Yeah, it's just like I stopped listening to you talk.

You're so codependent. You're willing to hurt your friends. You're willing to hurt your friends. You're willing to hurt your friends, and you're a sick sociopath for that. I'm not. It's fine. You're like the Iceman, John. It's fine. It's not fine. It's only fine to you

because you need that. You're being completely insane. This is the best punishment God's ever given you, honestly. I'm so happy that he got this. It's forced you to be in a room alone and think about your behavior over the last few months. It's like biblical karma. Hey, listen, nothing's changed. Well, we don't like to hear that.

Man, nothing's changed. Welcome, welcome. Well, that's why you're not allowed to hang out with us. And that's why we won't see you for the next three or four months, honestly. No, it'll be okay. I'll see you next week. Well, everything better be healed, and you better have a doctor's note. Oh, yeah.

So crazy. So crazy. Your dick fell off last night, and he's like, I can't believe they want a doctor's note. Why would I get a doctor's? I already have one. It's been a week. You're disgusting, man. You know, Fauci also said that

the vaccine... You guys are bringing up quotes from the CDC. I didn't even finish that sentence because I saw my channel being deleted, as I said. I always stay away from that stuff. You gotta be careful with that shit. We'll see you in a few months, John. Love you.

Love you, buddy. By the way, I love the Chinese. Hold on. I love that Chinese bit. The I don't know why I'm blanking on the word. It was such a good bet that he doesn't remember it at all. At the beginning of Gutter Oil? Metal Gear Solid Gutter Oil.

Yeah, that made me laugh really hard. On your podcast yeah check out John's podcast gutter oil if he ever wants to do this podcast seriously going forward he will have to stop doing it so enjoy it while you can John enjoy your little

bullshit project on your own while you can cause you know there's gonna be a meeting coming up. OK, big meeting because you got to stop. I'm going to immediately get you. Anyway, you love you. Love you, buddy.

See you. Bye. You're disgusting. Goodbye. You make me sick. Goodbye. Hey, you make me sick. I'm disgusted by the myth out of you.

Why don't we head over to the Patreon? We'll finish up Joey's World Tour. We'll finish up Muckbanger's Row of Joey's World Tour and a little Yankee in the South and all that shit on the Patreon. Patreon.com slash hatewatchpodcast. I guess you don't have to stop the recording. We just keep going. You just cut now.

Oh, really? Yeah. I never do. Why do I have two files? I have to piss. Interesting. Yeah, Joey has to piss. Can we take a little break? I gotta piss too. Alright. Ben, you want to plug? Oh, yeah, yeah. Patreon.com

Patreon.com slash Lemon Party. There isn't a single listener of Haywatch that doesn't listen to Lemon Party. Joey R. LaFleur. That's true. Joey R. LaFleur on Instagram if you're a hot chick and you want to have sex. All right.

Good night. You're out.