Hate Watch with Devan Costa - Geppetto

Episode Date: April 13, 2022

We talk about how Devan signed his life away to Manscaped, people screaming for freedom in Shanghai, Jared Leto's fake cult, pick up artists, TI getting booed off stage in Brooklyn and then do a deep dive into Johnny Depp and Amber Heard's court case Get weekly bonus episodes: https://www.patreon.com/HateWatchPodcast Join the Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/hatewatchpod/ Available on all platforms. Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/hate-watch-with-devan-costa/id1459356319 Follow the pod on Twitter: https://twitter.com/Hate_watch_pod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hatewatchpod/ Follow on Twitter: https://twitter.com/devancosta Follow on IG: https://www.instagram.com/devanjamescosta/

rarely insults my weight yeah that was more like a tesla it was just like silent yeah epic mode uh devon very rarely insults my weight uh what's up even when i was very fat i sounded weird that was yeah that was an electric car attack on you there we go are we on how do you guys sound on your headphones everything sound good everything sound good do i. Sound good? Do I sound fine? Everybody sounds good to me. All right.

I sound a little weird to me. Bump me up. Give me higher than everybody. Give me higher than everyone. Give me higher. Welcome to the Hate Watch podcast. We're all going to kill each other today. Joey and I actually had something we

wanted to bring up to start the pod oh god did you want is it the contract the contract so our our our leader devin cost enough of this we got a uh a offer trial offer from uh manscape and devin signed the contract without reading it, it's probably fine. It was pretty big. But it kind of seems like, you know, I don't know, the dumbest thing you could possibly do. Well, here's how, for two months. My point of view was this, is Devin goes, you know,

Manscaped reached out to us, and they sound pretty serious. And I go, you know, I don't know, man. I think they kind of just spam every podcast with offers. Like, I don't know if it's like, like, what are they offering? And he goes, well, no, it's actually good. They are offering, if we do, if we sell nine manscapes, then they'll consider us for a contract where they actually pay us. Right, right.

Yeah. So I go, okay, you know, that doesn't sound like that good of a deal to me already. I really just wanted the ball shaving equipment. I don't give a fuck about Manscaped. They've hit me up like three times already. If we don't fulfill this bullshit contract, they'll just hit us up again in five months

and then you guys can read it, okay? You fucking, you know, legalese or whatever. Well, I read it. I read the contract, and one of the big clauses, it's like- Yeah, they get to use his name now for like six months or something like that. No, in perpetuity. Go ahead and get it. In perpetuity?

Yeah. So they can keep using your name? You fool. I don't even- What does that even mean? Forever, Devin. It means forever. It literally says

in the contract how would they use my name because you signed it so they would give me like free promotion no forever Devin they own you

what they would do potentially I'm sure they're gonna have a fun time with that I say the n-word on TV okay have fun with that manscape he's in a scripted show

Devin said the n-word written by black people yeah but it was written by manscape he's in a scripted show devin said the n-word written by black people yeah but it was written by manscape yeah they yeah white people at manscape wrote yeah keep using my name but but no so what what would happen worst case scenario is that you do the trial you record like some really funny manscape ad which you would have done. You would have thought about it and made it good. What would have happened is the trial doesn't work out. Five years later, you blow up.

Your podcast blows up. They now own the ad that you read on the podcast and they never have to pay you anything. Those ads are going to be gross and not good. Yeah, but then Devin can afford a lawyer that could just fucking make it help. Also, are we saying that every single podcast that's ever signed with Manscaped has been like,

no, we don't like this contract, fix it. They have lawyers on staff. No, there's probably tons of idiots signing, doing exactly what you did. Yeah. Yeah, tons of idiots. So you're saying I'm the Llewyn Davis of manscape. You're like a Motown artist. I won't get any royalties, you know?

Led Zeppelin stole my ball-shaving idea. Yeah, pretty much. Pretty much. I honestly don't think... It probably doesn't matter. Would you care if you were rich and famous? I'd love that.

I'd be hilarious when I talk about it all the time. Yeah. You would start to care when you were working on ad deals and then you found some fucking company that's based on balls profiteering off of some work that you did yeah you get nothing i think it would annoy you let's see how much manscape when i when i bring up lorena bobbitt during every ad read yeah manscape it's what Lorena Bobbitt used.

By the way, this is not an ad. This isn't an ad because they haven't given us the ad read yet, and we haven't shaved our nuts. You know what? Technically, they own what we just said. No, you can't use this in perpetuity because it's not an ad. I'm saying this is not an ad. That contract covers this.

How about we fuck with them? What if every episode we just talk about Manscaped, but not in an ad way? Like we just keep bringing up Manscaped in the midst of conversations. I think they would love that. We're like 6 million, more like 600, sponsored by Manscaped.

How about that, perpetuity? I'll fight back. I don't give a fuck. They're in the lousing chamber starring Manscaped. I'm of the opinion Emmett Till deserved it. Sponsored by Manscaped. Manscaped. It's what Uyghur Muslims in camps use.

I think you just covered us. We did. Perpetuity. Get out of town with that shit. Take that to perpetuity. Who reads goddamn contracts? I'll see you in court. If you read a contract,

you're a goddamn nerd. If you're not getting taken for everything by a corporation, you're a fucking loser. Yeah, I mean, people get the opportunity. Exactly. I felt like a big shot

when I signed it at a Starbucks bathroom. Also, if you, we'll just Dave Chappelle you. We'll wait for a major pandemic and then we'll go on and we'll ask everyone for money and be like don't use me yeah exactly i'll do it on i'll be yeah you'll go to africa yeah i'll be like they used me manscape so please please help me a

millionaire listen i was looking out for my pack and i was really just looking out for my bros yeah i was tired of the tees. I want that goddamn ball shaving equipment. I bet it comes in a nifty bag. I think we get an underwear. Who here shaves their nuts with clippers? You mean like... How do you shave your nuts?

When I do, I'll shave them down. These clippers? Yeah. I'm always scared my flesh will get caught in the teeth. I mean, I've had a couple nicks here and there. Yeah, it's terrifying. It's a little rough. I have nicks every time, and then you just go,

all right, today's the day, no nicks. Yeah, I mean, I've cut here and there, but we're going on two weeks of testicular cancer. I'm a dying man. I hope maybe I cut the nut out. Do my own surgery. Give me the

Manscaped prototype that failed. I want the one that cuts you. It's a vasectomy product by Manscaped. John, you went to a non what is this

a non-binary party it was like me and Joey attended a party that had a lot of non-binary people there I thought they were great they were very cool does that mean you guys were like everyone was very sweet

but the thing that like one of the things I noticed was that like these are the people that are in control of like you know like the mediascape you know what I mean what is that like these are the people that are in control of the mediascape.

You know what I mean? What is that? Like these are the people that cancel people. You know what I mean? Sure. And it was so boring. It was like nothing was fun. Everyone was just kind of sitting around. That's the whole new generation.

Nobody has any fun. Nobody was picking good karaoke. They were doing karaoke. Nobody was doing karaoke songs. Nobody just passionately attacks topics without any real care but it's fun and then at the end of the conversation you go i don't even give a shit about that and then you yelled about it for four hours straight you go yeah it was fun i don't know yeah it was me and joey did the highwaymen on karaoke by the way you know what's these people like acted like

we were speaking a foreign language or something they didn't know what that song is they didn't know the highwaymen yeah waylon jennings andnings and Willie Nelson and a couple of the old country guys. Johnny Cash. They heard us do that, and they almost got a... I'm not even going to do the joke. We're all terrified. See what we're doing?

We're all terrified. Yeah, they got us. Yeah, they got you by the balls. Sponsored by Manscaped, not by their parties. No, they were cool. Were you guys afraid of misgendering the whole night or something like that i just don't talk to people you just sit there and you're like huh they were really nice they're actually not kidding they were nice people they were nice people but they were boring and the thing was is like our friend that took us there like we uh

we like um we were we like he was like i'm gonna stay there a little bit longer because like he had made an arrangement to stay there. And then me and Joey leave because we're out of here. And then we're on the way to the car and we see him running out. And he's like, no, no, take me with you. What does non-binary mean again? You don't subscribe to any gender. You're off the gender spectrum.

So do they hold their pee in? No, Devin. They just never piss. None by their ears. People who never piss. They just never look down. No. I was wondering where you were going with that. Yeah.

I think they just don't like... What device is urine falling out of you? Well, they don't subscribe your dick. This is the manscape talking. Manscape. This is the manscape. So, like, what would they manscape? I'm just in perpetuity, folks.

I'm losing it. Sorry, I'm in perpetuity. I have cancer going on three weeks. I'm in perpetuity. I don't know which way I'm headed. Yeah, I think they just don't associate their dick or pussy with an agenda so if they if isn't that like someone not that i don't i know you don't know that i know you don't know the answer to this question because how could you but if you had testicular cancer

but you're non-binary are you like hey that's just cancer no no you have testicular cancer still but you're just you're like my dick doesn't make me a man. Oh. I guess that was obvious. Mine doesn't make me a man. You don't see me going around to all these parties. I'm not canceling anything. I'm not canceling anything. Am I right?

Okay, folks. Listen, we're having fun here on the Hey Watch podcast. Okay. I don't feel manly. Am I non-binary? As my dad always told me, my dick doesn't make me a man. We all know my father's nickname for me.

Dickless. Well, we said it a few weeks ago. What was it? Fat f-word. We don't say that word anymore. That was mine. No, Devin had the great joke about his... It was the children's book. It was the children's book.

It would be called The Fat Queer Who Didn't Take Out the Trash. I don't know why we're afraid to say it now. I don't know. We said it for a whole episode, but we're in perpetuity

for Christ's sake. Yeah, and we're... Every episode's different, you know? This episode, scared. This is a non-binary podcast. Manscaped is like... A gender-fluid podcast.

Well, we're sponsored by Manscaped now. We can't just be dropping the F-bomb. Okay. This is how a gender-fluid podcast. Well, we're sponsored by Manscaped now. We can't just be dropping the F-bomb. Okay. This is how sponsors kill you. This is how they get you.

They're gonna serve you. So what was it? So you guys, were you genuinely... Me and Joey drank hard seltzers and just kept to ourselves. And then I was texting Joey.

I remember halfway through, I just texted Joey a picture of crying Vietnamese people holding their naked children. Because that's how i felt internally that's how bored i was hard seltzers do feel like the non-binary alcohol it is the non-binary alcohol the the the uh how'd you was did you guys know it was that we we kind of i it

was like described to us going in that everyone at this party is either going to be in an open relationship or non-binary and uh i i everyone i everyone i know it's an open relationship like for this for the for the exception of one person is is it's utterly boring it's just so fucking lame well here's the thing we were in where were we before that uh fuck dude uh covet brain uh fuck where did we go me Me, you. Oh, at Johnny's. Yeah, we went to Johnny's. We went to UFC. So we went to UFC. It's a non-buying party.

No, that's a lie. But it was at, the house was in Chinatown. So I was like, it's right by where I live. I'm like, yeah, if I'm getting a ride, like I'll go to it. And it was fine. They were nice people. And, you know, it wasn't like, I wouldn't consider it fun ever. No, it was the opposite of

i wouldn't probably be friends with anyone there to be honest like i'm just not not because i don't i i wouldn't just like we're not compatible like we're not the same type of people i'm a i'm an animal and yeah it just wasn't my kind of people but so they were fine though and they were nice well let's move everyone in open relationships, it feels like it's just a loser got tricked by his girlfriend. She just wants to be railed by more people. Maybe she has a good setup.

They're always like Twitch streamers. They're always like, I don't get it. All these people playing Elden Ring or having fuck fests. Unless the dude's like a billionaire. The girl's the one going around fucking everybody. Yeah. i was in a group recently and it was just like me and then like four people in open relationships and the way they discuss like when i discuss sex i want to like talk about how like i want to suck a turd out of your ass and then spit it into your pussy

i don't want to be like and you know if i'm sitting there and we're going to have an orgy and, um, you know, I love my partner and I trust her. We have to be conscious. Yeah. We'd be conscious of their barrier. It's just so fucking lame.

If you're around a couple in an open relationship, can you just go like rail the wife? That's the thing is like, I'm sitting there being like, I'm just walk out and like high five. The husband, she's got a great pussy. John,

you gotta be cool. And you have to be's got a great pussy john you gotta be cool and you have to be cool with it yeah you gotta be cool with this yeah you're not progressive you gotta be cool they're fucking a real man aggressive huh let me tell you how i came all over her face for the mother of your kids what are you not progressive john yeah it's it's so fucking and it was like you know i'm just sitting there and it was it was just lame it's just super fucking lame that's the new shit it's a big trend it's so fucking new trend being non-binary is like getting heelys in like 2009 it's like fucking it's you know it's it's they're space aliens yeah it's disgusting they're space aliens like talking to insects like you didn't want to say something horrible the whole topic it's a bunch of fucking space calling russian people orcs yeah russian people are orcs

they are they're literally orcs you see what they did and like that fucking did you see that guy give the nazi salute the driver yeah well he's just a retard 14 year old but the there is a suburb outside of kiev or some shit where like they I guess a bunch of Russian soldiers came across a basement with like 25 women age 14 to like 30 and just raped them all and like 9 of them are pregnant yeah apparently they like described like

the men were like we're gonna fuck you so you don't never want to fuck again they're orcs they're just really savage people I now want to kill myself thanks john you're welcome well sponsored by manscaping the rape of 14 14 year old girls by russians huh perpetuity i'm coming at you hard first episode you have perpetuity you got it baby you got perpetuity you it. Keep my name all in your mouth. It'll go great for you.

Interesting. People in Shanghai are fucking, they're in COVID camps now. Yeah, you see them beating the cats. Connor's girlfriend, his girlfriend's sister is stuck in her dorm room in Shanghai. They're literally locked in it. She's afraid to go to the airport to try and leave because if

they give her a problem that she can't she can't go back to her dorm room she has nowhere to stay then she has to get a hotel and then she's gonna run out of money and then she has no clue what she'll end up doing like it's crazy over there and they're all screaming and shit look at this look at this shit you see this screaming can you imagine shit. You see this screaming? Can you imagine? They screamed. Can you imagine this? It sounds like a kitchen. Wait, what the fuck?

Is the audio not... Is it not even playing? I can hear it. I'm hearing it. You guys heard it through it not even playing? I can hear it. I'm hearing it. You guys heard it through the headphones? Yeah, I can hear it. Oh, okay. I thought it was through that.

Turn it up on the... These fucking otters. You trust otters with tech stuff. Oh, God. We can't do it. You don't hear it, Richie? No, it's not the computer. God damn this shit.

Me and John can both hear it. Me and John can hear it. Yeah, it's coming out of this. No, we can hear it in our headphones. Take your headphones off. Me and John can both hear it. Me and John can hear it. Yeah, it's coming out of this. No, we can hear it in our headphones. Take your headphones off. Okay, I'm playing it again. All right, ready? We're just bears, bro.

We're the otters. No, we're the bears, dude. We're the big dumb bears. We're big dumb bears. We're big dumb bears, dude. I just want to fucking dip our paws into some honey, dude. Just want to scratch my back on a tree. I don't care about tech stuff.

I don't want to eat a worm. I just want to eat worms, dude. I just want to get hungry and eat worms. I am going to kill somebody. I want to fish a salmon out of this tree. Don't let it ruin anything. I mean, it pretty much is the whole podcast. It's the whole podcast if they can't hear it.

Oh, they can't hear it. Right. Uh-oh. Now you're a double bear because I got it after the first. I didn't have it explained to me twice. Wow. We could just free ball it. We could just free ball it.

Okay, Joey. Here's the thing. The idea of someone being terrified to move. Two bears are about to free ball it right now. Two bears are about to free ball it. Somebody being terrified to go to an airport to me because they're afraid of being locked up. To me, I would just go,

who's the guy who bombed Atlanta and then went in the woods? That would be Eric Rudolph. Eric Rudolph. Yeah, I would just straight Eric Rudolph that shit. Shanghai needs like five Eric Rudolfs. Absolutely. Yeah. I make bombs.

I hoard TNT in the Appalachian Mountains, and you can't find me for five years. Do you know how easy it is to probably get fucking fertilizer in fucking China? You could probably go to the corner store and get the most dangerous thing ever. I could get it in America quite easily. Yeah, it's at the store. Is i'm talking about right fertilizer with the good stuff you need to know like a farmer to get the real bond grade fertilizer yeah you need the good stuff or like you know uh just explosives the chinese they got fireworks everywhere they got

everything they got like they invented the stuff yeah tons of fentanyl being made over there i bet you can break into like a fentany factory. You'd have fentanyl. You'd have fireworks easily. I think I got it to work. All right, let's try this out. Oh, now. Why are they screaming? What's the problem over there?

They're screaming because they saw Chris Tucker. This is actually from Rush Hour 2. They're like, Kanda! It's Kanda! They made Bob Sapp hold a banana. You know what's crazy is like... I think they're screaming like just primal screams because they're just sick of being locked in their apartments. The Chinese aren't people known for like wiling out.

You know what I mean? Yeah. They're really wiling out right there. They're like screaming out of their doors. Yeah, they're doing freestyles and shit, making fun of Nick Cannon. They make that same sound in line at Disney World, though. Just FYI.

They're quiet. They just stare. Chinese people, they have the greatest camera equipment on Earth, and then they just take a picture of themselves in front of a mall directory. Wait in line behind Chinese people at a buffet, and you're going to hear that exact same sound um i don't want to do an impression of the sounds they make but you don't have to we got it right

here they're putting like cats and bags and shit yeah they're like beating up dogs shit if your pet has covid you're not you're not allowed to walk your dog yeah there was a guy trying to take a jog and there was police that lassoed him. They have nets. They're catching people with nets. Confucianism fucked that whole culture up forever.

I was talking about mainland Chinese people. Mainland Chinese people. Even honestly, this can spread to Asian. Hong Kong people kick ass. This spreads to Hong Kong people and Japanese people too. It this just can spread to like people kick ass this this spreads to hong kong people and like japanese people now people in hong kong it's just the idea of like master like in japan like they always give uh they give like um if you're at a company they'll always give uh bonuses or like uh what do they call it raises or whatever the fuck um to people of seniority over people who deserve the job. Because it's always like you respect your elders, you respect the master.

And then basically that means there's no Eric Rudolphs ever going to happen in China because nobody's going to rebel and blow up a factory. They just don't have Eric Rudolph type guys over there. The country's holding it back. Who's Rudolph again? Which bomber? Richard Jewell.

Ah, Richard Jewell. Guy lives in the woods. He's cool. Interesting bomber. But yeah, so we get the point. They're screaming. I don't know what happened. Maybe at the end something else happens, but I doubt it.

This looks like the Mandalay Bay. Yes. I kind of want to live there You kind of want to live there? Yeah it looks cool Yeah I'd love to be stuck in an apartment complex With a bunch of screaming Chinese people It'd be nice

It would take like six cops to take me down As long as they got like Netflix and Hulu And you know All that jazz Well that's bad You know I bet we're You know, I bet we're due for it. I bet we're...

Not that, obviously, but... What if that's solved, though? Masks are already back in Philly. Yeah. Who gives a fuck about Philly? I think if they reinstate masks, I might just become that guy that's getting and screaming masks. Yeah, no, I'm gonna do the same thing. Like, everywhere. Just refusing.

I can't. I just can't. I can't do I just can't. No, I can't. I can't do it again. I can't do it again. Dude, imagine if they did a lockdown again. If they do that, no one would comply. Nobody. Nobody.

No, they would have to arrest people on the streets for that to happen. I'll move back to South Dakota if they bring masks back. I'll go to South Dakota, too, and I'm taking my mom. I think I'll be coming to South Dakota as well. You guys would all love South Dakota. We all go to Miami. Hang out with Brock. Brock just bought a new house. We're all welcome. He would love

to have us. His girlfriend probably wouldn't be thrilled with it but we'll stay out of her way. You guys see T.I. is trying to do stand up and he thinks it's a really good idea to do his first sets in front of thousands of people in Brooklyn. Uh-oh.

And he got booed off the stage. They hated him. Did he do a five minutes on his daughter's hymen? That's right. Didn't he give his daughter an IUD or something? No, he got it checked. He checks every year. Yeah, he just checks her pussy.

He's like, you a virgin? Yeah, he admitted every year i check if my girl my uh daughter still has her hymen jesus yeah he's he like gets in there with like a like a monocle yeah oh he takes her he looks like mr peanut i love that devon needs it all spelled out he's like whoa oh a doctor a gynecologist takes her to the doctor yeah the doctor's the doctor's like, she's a virgin. Oh, well, who gives a shit about that? I thought he was literally getting down there.

That's still weird, bro. Like with a flashlight, like a cave explorer. Who gives a shit? That's weird. You don't think that's weird? No, TI checking is much, much weirder. They're both very weird. That's really weird, obviously.

Sorry, yes. Of course, TI checking himself is weirder. That is true. It's odd that Devin took that as a possibility. That's what I thought he was doing. Also, T.I. calling up the doctor saying, oh, the yearly check, alright, I'll see you, and then get in the car,

taking your daughter to the doctor. Still extremely weird. Also, a bit odd. Weird for the morality of the doctor, too. At what point does the doctor go, no, I'm not doing this anymore, you weirdo. It might be a HIPAA violation, oh yeah well parent daughter i don't know do your parents if you're under age get to see your stuff you know doctor stuff they give you a fucking baths when you're a kid hippo might say something i think she's like your parents are

pedos yeah i see you accuse your parents of pedophilia, and you're like, look at these pictures. I was two. I had no clothes on. No clothes on. At the beach. They were making fun of my small penis. Well, here he is. No, no, no.

Where's T.I.? Here he is. Oh, my God. Look how many people are there. Dude, it's huge. it's like he thinks he's like eddie murphy doing raw and he has nothing to say he doesn't say like yeah he fucks someone's mom boom god God. Boo. Two rubber band men. I'm going to tell y'all motherfuckers that it's like this. Oh, my God.

The whole crowd's talking. Holy shit. The only thing that happened around me is how care to care for motherfuckers like you. And I appreciate y'all because you make me the absolute best, nigga. New York has made me the motherfucking best nigga i appreciate you then he starts just praising the crowd he's like hey y'all made me who i am they're like shooting at him was he just talking about 11 year old walking in on him fucking his mom yeah weirdo dude it's fucked in the head yeah let him be it's tip you know i mean he's got the greatest catalog of all time in hip-hop oh god yeah that's just sad

what is it's amazing that comedy just convinces like cool rappers that they got to get involved. It's hilarious. It's so sad. You'll see these awesome legendary rappers and they're like, See, I'm hanging out with Brian Redband this weekend. And you're like, what are you doing? You used to be the coolest man alive. T.I., you got to start on Kill Tony like Freddie Gibbs did. You got to put in the work.

Pay your dues, dude. I was just in Brooklyn, and there was a shooting last night, and I missed it. Or this morning. I missed it. Devin's creating an alibi. He's the one who fucking did it. I missed it. It was a 70-degree day today, too.

I missed both things. How was New York? What'd you do? I just really drank a whole lot, and I did that show on HBO, Paws, with Sam Jay and I really went for it. What'd you talk about?

I don't know if I'm even allowed because I don't know how it works. You know, listen, I'm in perpetuity with Manscaped. I don't want to keep piling up the legal problems. I'd love to see what you signed with HBO. I'm sure they just own you at this point.

Devin's like, before I sign, let me put a blindfold on. This is my system. The next time we walk in here, there's just a man with a suit in here. Sitting next to Devin. Pause with Sam Jay, by the way. Our friend Sam Jay was a black lesbian comedian. Not was. She's still alive.

Not for long. She didn still alive. Not for long. She didn't kill herself on the show. Anyone who moves out of Los Angeles, I just consider them dead, basically. But I really liked her a lot. And she is awesome. But she has a show on HBO where it's literally just her and her friends

in an apartment building, like in some nice loft, talking about semi-current events and shooting this shit. And so we watched the first season all together and we were just like, you know, this show, it really needs something to spice it up

is what we were saying. And then last weekend they go, Sam Jay goes, Devin, could you come on the show? Well, she never personally. I just got hit up. But I think somebody threw my name out, and then they hit me up, and I went. And I was like, well, you know, I've hung out with all those guys my whole life. And so I'm going to be probably more comfortable than the other guests or whatever.

And also, you get a couple of drinks in me and I just, I really went to town. Yeah, I really went. That's what it sounds like at one point. So in the group text that we're all in, at some point while you were on the show being filmed, you told us they just sent me into a different room to cool down.

That might've happened. I think. Yeah. I don't remember the last hour. Sam's wife, the host, she got mad at me at the end. We had to be broken up. I don't know what was going on. Then I made friends with Chuck English,

who's a really good rapper and producer and spent the whole night with him. That made it sound like we went home together. Yeah, it was a great night. It was an interesting time. I don't really know how much I could say, but I wish I could. You'll see it.

It should be out in May. Once I see what they don't use, I'll let it all fly. I'll let it all fly. It sounds like it's going to be quite the good episode. May not have been the best. Based on what I've heard. No, if they show the stuff that Devin has told me about, it's going to be a very good episode.

Here's one thing I know I could probably say, because I can't imagine they'd ever use. Around hour three, I was publicly defending Louie. So. But, yeah. Yeah. Brooklynlyn is fine i don't know everyone there i went to a couple of like connor's stand-up shows and stuff and he's like the best one and yeah everyone on the streets is so much more interesting than the people pursuing art in that city it's like just soft it's just you like talk your uber driver's like the coolest most charismatic hilarious guy ever then he lets you out at the show you walk in and there's just like a guy on stage with the black fingernails and he's saying he's queer but he's not gay and going like you're just this is it's

like it used to be like yeah it used to be a hundred percent the cool person yeah it used to be just the legends. I'm convinced that, at least in comedy, I don't know every area, but the New York comedy scene has lost its edge. They're all very friendly, very nice. L.A. is mean. Nobody's friends. Nobody helps each other.

People are friends, but I mean, everyone's doing everyone else's podcasts in New York and promoting each other, and they have a million shows. It's like, it's a thriving scene. It's not like, you know, the edgy era of, like, going in the comedy cellar and you get ripped apart by the greatest, funniest people on earth. Yes. And then the streets are full of guys on, like, doing wheelies on motorcycles and, like. Oh, they do that still?

Yeah, it's crazy. It was like Creed. Yeah. That's the one thing that New York City might definitely be better at Los Angeles at. It's just having cool people in the streets. Yeah, by far. It's just so weird. You're just walking around and you see these blocks where it's like half gentrified, I guess.

And there's just these hip, know, hip, young professional people standing around. And then there's just all these like local people. And you're like, how are they not beating you? Like, how is everyone not getting their ass kicked every day? And I kind of don't like that. Like, I don't like that I was able to just freely walk. With no fear. With no fear. With no fear.

I mean, a couple times guys were a little weird to me. What'd they do, dude? Just the guy pretended I dropped something and kept trying to get me to come over to him. And I was like, I'm okay. You know what's funny is, where does Pedro live? Bedstuy. We're from Jay-Z toro yeah this is what i'm saying the city's gone i'm kidding i love pedro pedro lives in the marcy projects

it's like you know from big l to katherine cohen where did uh naz go queen's bridge okay Nas Queensbridge Queensbridge Pedro Queensbridge but so no no no I was I went to New York City one time and for a work thing and I met up with Pedro

and it's like it's bedside he's like you gotta be careful and he's like just like just like you know watch out

everyone just says watch your back you just apparently you're supposed to just be doing like a 360 the entire time you walk through the fucking city.

I have to tell you, though, like, compared to Skid Row, it's, like— It isn't that crazy, though. It's not even—it's, like, 20% as dangerous. Like, literally. Like, it's—there was a black guy that did kind of, like, go, like, yeah, like, tried, like, some kind of, like, whatever you drop, something kind of thing. Not that, but something. And I literally was just like, hey, man. Like, like, whatever you drop, something kind of thing. Not that, but something. And I literally was just like, hey, man.

Like, there was nothing. But, like, in Skid Row, there's a guy that will, like, fake punch you every, like, two days. And then you just don't react, and you're fine. Yeah. But it's like, it was like, you hear somebody screaming if you have citizen app open it's like man killed with axe 30 seconds later that is all of LA

man lights himself on fire it's like the Buddhist monks in Vietnam we were sitting at the Escondid in downtown watching a playoff game and it was like literally a guy got shot like a block away that was like literally a guy got shot like a block away yeah that was like one in the afternoon yeah yeah but the city is just the people are just so

much cooler though they all like locals everyone is so much easier to spark up a conversation and like have like just like a familiar time like even when they're mean it's funny like the guy the guy at jfk when i was leaving uh last night the dude that pats you down after you get out of the x-ray thing he was patting everybody down he pat them down like the laziest pattern and then he go fuck out of here he patted me down and he goes it was like in succession just like fuck out of here fuck out of here I'm like is anyone allowed? Do you have a boss? That's crazy Yeah I think there's just no old

LA left that's why the places in LA that are like that old New York exists everywhere Yeah I know the local New Yorkers are great one time I was buying a there was like this outdoor festival and this guy made all these like mini cannolis there was like 8 different types and he was like come on man buy a cannoli and I was like this outdoor festival and this guy made all these like mini cannolis. There was like eight different types.

And he was like, come on, man, buy cannoli. And I was like, all right, yeah, let me get, he's like three for $5. And I was like, all right, yeah, let me just get the like, the original one, you know? He was like, hey man, come on, pick a couple flavors. I worked really hard on these. Yeah. It's great. But also the people live like animals.

Squalor. You know, just... On a hot box. You gotta run home to your little box in the sky. You gotta take a moving drunk tank home full of people just peeing. Where you could get shot, apparently. Yeah, where apparently you could get shot by a guy wearing a gas mask. But it's still, it's great. I mean, I've heard New York is...

Five people... Are you talking about the shooting? Yeah, I thought nobody died. Five people died. Oh, for real? I heard 11 people got wounded, nobody died. I've heard New York... Are you talking about the shooting? Five people died. I heard 11 people got wounded. Nobody died. I heard 10 shot, 5 dead. Oopsie. Whoopsie-doo. Whoopsie.

The shooter did this. Did I do that? I was like a baby oil girl. I heard the Brooklyn shooter was Plaxico Burris. Sponsored by Manscaped. New York's great. One would say it's a melting pot. Very good.

City that never sleeps. Big Apple. What? Huh? But yeah. Also also you know how many there's five boroughs right one two three i'm the biggest new york when i'm like asshole like i'm such an la scumbag whenever i'm there they're like we got to go to like you know bedstein i'm like oh that's what boroughs that they're like brooklyn's the borough i'm like yeah whatever enough like, we got to go to Bed-Stuy. And I'm like, oh, what borough is that? They're like, Brooklyn's the borough. I'm like, yeah, whatever.

Enough. Okay. My favorite thing to do in any city is just use their biggest rival and walk around, usually hungover, and as loudly as I can say. If it was New York, I'd just be like, yeah, it's great, but it's no Chicago. I love comparing beautiful historical cities to Burbank. Yeah, or Pasadena. That's one of your best goofs.

I love saying it. You'll take a picture of Central Park and be like, yeah, it looks like Burbank. It looks like Burbank to me, and I don't even see a Fuddruckers here. So what a shithole. Oh, and Devin was in Atlanta. He just kept saying, this looks like Pasadena. It looks like a greener Pasadena. I did that when I was in D.C., the whole fucking trip. Bethesda does this looks like Pasadena. It looks like a greener Pasadena. I did that when I was in D.C., the whole fucking trip.

Bethesda does look exactly like Pasadena. Well, the best thing is anyone that's local there goes, where the fuck is Pasadena? You keep talking about Pasadena. Yeah, but that's a great, great, great place in New York. People should move there. I had the best time there. I had to go there for work the first time I was ever there. First of all, they put you in times square that's where the conference is at this job thing that i go to and so i was like texting people going like what are they talking about new york

city like sucks i was like this is like smells like literally eating it like apple bees he's like what a shit hole of a city who says this is a good city it's like it's I was so dumb and then here's also double how dumb I am I go

I hated it so much I'm like New York City's a piece of shit the whole time and then I I call my Uber to go to the airport when I'm like

just about to leave and I realize I didn't have a mask so I popped into like a very close Walgreens and I go And then I call my Uber to go to the airport when I'm just about to leave. And I realized I didn't have a mask. So I popped into a very close Walgreens. And I go, how much to buy a mask? And just like a cool fucking guy, a cool guy working there goes, hey, man, here's a mask. Don't worry about it. He pulled one out of the bag.

And I go, I love Times Square. I go, this is the best city in the world. It's just one cool guy can change the whole city for you. But also on that same trip, I met up with McNutt. And I go, I got a plus one. They're hosting an event at the Copacabana. And I go, all right, Connor, here's what we're going to do. I'm going to give you a false identity.

Here's your pass in. It's for work people only. I'm going to tell everybody that you're generating $7 million a week in revenue. And Connor's such a maniac. He's just like, okay. He's like, yeah, that's fine. I could do that. But we went in.

First of all, I got shirtless in the middle of it. At a work conference? Yeah, at a work conference. Noah's brother showed up and did stand-up comedy at this thing somehow. And then I start introing Connor to people. I go, yeah, this is my best publisher. Seven mil a week, this guy. And people started like attacking Connor and going like,

dude, how do I get your number? Like, people were chasing him around and Connor was just being so fucking funny about it. Just being like, nah, man,

this is my guy. I don't work with anybody else. That's amazing. That's great. That's awesome That's great That's awesome But yeah Yeah we had a good time When you came to New York Oh yeah

You don't remember any of it No I just fucking remember Right now That was the Yeah that I forgot I saw you realize I saw you

I've been there twice I believe That was the second time That I was there I was there for that Same work conference And you were just Randomly there Yeah and I saw you realize It's a much better city than just times square well

that's when i went to bed stye and that's when i went like around to connor's neighborhood and i'm like i i knew if i thought about it for a second it's a there's a million just living in parts of la you go like oh cool koreatown is awesome. Any densely populated area, if you like exploring shit, is gonna be fucking cool as hell. So, I knew it was awesome, but yeah, no. So, where was Connor's neighborhood? Crown Heights.

Yeah. Yeah. That was a fun trip. Good time. We got some, there's some Amber Heard Johnny Depp developments. I kind of feel like the Hatewatch podcast broke the case. Because we did an entire episode on the tapes

and then the next week it was back trending in the news. And everyone's finally getting it. They're all on Johnny's side. I guess they had the opening statements today of the case. I want to get to that a little later. I was just like, wow, we really did something.

We got our finger on the pulse here, folks. Let's get to it later. Well, you know, we're a little late. Dessert first. I want to do this Jared Leto interview that you sent us real quick. This is called Jared Leto Hits Rock Bottom. John, is there anything to explain? He's got a vampire Marvel movie that nobody cares

about that came out. And he's doing a round of press, it looks like. And he's being interviewed by a hentai character. How come I feel like we're gonna find out Jared Leto is like the American Jimmy Savile? Oh, he's in the CIA, dude. Like, there's something really creepy about him today. He's a fucking CIA plant, for sure. He has Jimmy Savile. Oh, he's in the CIA, dude. There's something really creepy about him.

He's a fucking CIA plant, for sure. He has a cult. I heard that's actually not true, the cult thing. What? They have an island retreat that they all go to. He bought Lookout Mountain in LA. These are the pictures of the cult, but there's more to it than this. He's not just like David Koresh.

No, I bet he's not as cool as David Koresh. David Koresh could play the guitar. David Koresh could fucking blow Jared Wood out of the water. Leto could play the guitar, too, though. He was in a band first. Koresh could shred, though.

Dream battle the bands. Dream battle the bands in heaven. Leto knows three chords. Koresh was shredding. Koresh should have been in Suicide Squad. Oh, man. He was. Imagine David Koresh in Dallas Buyers Club.

Very good, John. Very good. So here's the end. Every year, Jared Leto's band called 30 Seconds to Mars holds a small camp festival. You pay for a ticket to stay at the camp for a weekend with the band hosting it. A lot of fans. it's so much fun with the word of mouth each year it started to grow in ticket sales every year it started to become more lavish this year they're

holding the festival in croatia as opposed to when it first started and was held at a campsite the photo you see in that tweet is of last year's music festival this was posted by 30 seconds of mars's own instagram not some leaked photo they called it a cult as a joke, but a lot of people, unfortunately, took it seriously. As for the criminal behavior, there's rumors that Jared Leto sleeps with his fans and is aggressive during sex. Of course he does. Some call him a pedo. However, a lot of users and

journalists have gone searching for proof in these claims. There's no concrete evidence. If he built that and didn't bang the chicks... Yeah, what's the point? I would be... That would be more pissed. Yeah. If you build that entire empire and you're not having aggressive sex... The guy looks like an angel. He's a rock star and an A-list celebrity.

Why does he need a camp to fuck women? It's a power thing. Exactly. It's like, yeah, this is going to be guaranteed easy sex. We're taking a leap here a little bit. It went from, like, to, like, why does he have to build a camp to have sex with him?

Maybe I'm assuming he's having sex outside of the camp as well. Yeah, but maybe this is like a fetish thing. He's like, I want to be the Jesus character of a camp and then fuck all these ones. But then if it's a fetish thing, then that's a big fetish thing. It definitely is. He's doing like, here's a slam dunk setup where I'm going to have guaranteed 100 hot chicks that are begging to fuck. Yeah. That's a lot different.

And they're all around me and we're stuck on it. That's a lot different from. He has a big tent. It is funny to be like. A bunch of chicks want to fuck him, but I got to go like find them. I got to go on a date with them. I got to go talk to them. And then I have to blah, blah, blah.

It is funny if that's your fetish. Like I only fucking KOAs I love a good tent you know alright I like the retreat setting not the bar setting yeah

so so here's this video of him promoting this awful movie that nobody saw wow it's so nice to meet you. You have a wonderful voice. He's like, you look like you love rough sex.

You want to come to my camp? I'll sing some music sometime, too. You sound great. How do I fuck that thing? How do I fuck that thing? That's the next step. How do I fuck that thing? How do I fuck that thing? That's the next step. How do I fuck that thing? He's like, I mean, it's a cartoon, so it's technically not a kid.

That's not a kid, technically. You're cute. And your outfit is great, too. Lonis looks like a Gucci outfit. Why is he talking like that? Why is there so much giggling with Asian Gucci? Because they're pedophiles.

Okay, case closed. Case closed. What do you want from me? The Asian consent in Japan is like 13. Is that true? Yeah, dude. What? Really? They have like different provinces

where it's like 18. Like local law makes it 18, but like federally it's like 13. Yeah, it's fucking insane, dude. They banned child porn like six years ago. That's probably like that's like antiquated law stuff. They're sophisticated people. Shame on you.

I think it's mostly I think it's mostly like two 13 oh yeah i think it's mostly of like two 13 year olds fuck you know what i mean son do you dude no i think it's like i think it's like a two 13 year olds fuck or something i think it's frowned upon if like a 30 year old fucks a 13 year old it's a little frowned upon but yeah i do know they have very hey get out of here, get out of here. Yeah, I think... They probably cut your head off. But it's just like there's some weird law thing where they haven't... It's just left over from the...

Exactly. America has weird laws where it's like... Yeah, we fuck 13-year-olds too, I'm not saying. But they are a bit behind. I don't. Do you, Joey? No, no. I mean, us as Americans.

Johnson, we fuck 13-year-olds. No, no. 13-year-olds get married in Florida. I only do that when it's sponsored by Manscaped. Huh? All year. Perpetuity, huh? Perpetuity, huh?

You have no idea who you fuck with. Wait until I get my gun. Nah, it's like, yeah. They were a little bit behind on the- Sure, sure, sure. gun. Nah, it's like yeah, you know. They were a little bit behind on the Sure, sure, sure. They're a legal system. They work hard. Let them have their weekend. All they do

is wait for the weekend. I heard Japan was a work hard, play hard environment. Tokyo? Let them do a little Polanski every once in a while. Come on. Live like the Romans. Live like the Romans. Now, I would like to clear the record

once and for all. Japanese people don't do that kind of stuff. John is slandering a very nice people, and it's insane. It's an antiquated law. They're busy with other stuff. They can't go clean up every... There's probably a million laws. What an awesome society.

They're building a perfect society. Sorry. You know they have really intense... That still makes it sound though, it makes it sound like they all have a desire to fuck kids. They just, they're too busy. They can't fit it into their schedule. They actually have really wild... That's a good point. They're like, no, put that one on the back burner.

They're like, I don't know. We have to incentivize Toyota. Yeah, I'll do that when I retire. That's their margaritaville. It's in my 401k, you know. No, they actually have really insane defamation laws, too. Like, say if I went to Japan and, japan and like i knew like my neighbor was a pedophile and was like fucking a 12 year old then i like put it i like went to the news and i was

like yeah my neighbor's fucking a 12 year old that guy can like sue me and win for 10 say even though it's true oh yeah he can like sue me for like 800 000 even if you can prove yeah even if i can prove it they have like crazy defamation laws oh they hate snitching yeah another plus to japan yeah samurai shit it's awesome you know snitching. Another plus to Japan. Samurai shit. Snitches get snitched. Samurai also fuck kids. Did samurais fuck kids? Only Tom Cruise, I bet. Only the last samurai.

Only the last one. Alright, let's get back to this fucking pedophile. I like seven samurai. He's like a deer in the headlights. He has no idea how to talk to this thing. Like anyone would. How do you talk with a raging hard-on? All the blood's at his dick.

He can't think, for Christ's sakes. He's like, where's your pussy? I'm super jacked if you didn't notice. I forgot the question. I did have to work out. I had lots of push-ups. I'm super jacked if you didn't notice. Pretty strong muscles. You just have to work out and eat well. I don't know what your diet consists of. Maybe mice. Whoa, what?

She's like a mouse? She's like a cat. She's a cat maybe mice I thought she was he was just like listen I don't know what you fucking Japanese

people are eating it was like cat groceries I don't know you guys fuck kids eat mice you're savages and then paramount's like great promotion

great promotion Jared you know And then Paramount's like, great promotion. Great promotion, Jared. He's very... I've never seen a man this uncomfortable by a cartoon. Oh, so you're an adult. What if he's just like, speak English! English! Jared Leto turns into fucking Clint Eastwood

in Gran Torino. That's a clip. That would be a hell of an interview. Jared Leto just turning into an old racist man. Use the stack fucks like you six feet high in Korea. Use them as sandbags. like you six feet high in Korea.

Use them as sandbags. I'm doing one of these. What are you eating, mice? What is this little freak in front of me you're showing me? Get this fucking cat off my fucking screen now. Get this cat off my fucking screen now. Oh my god. Get this cat off my screen.

I don't like cats. Especially black ones. Alright. Boy, this is weird. Oh. Oh. Boy, this is weird. What? Oh. Oh. You learn something new every day.

You sound like my type of fox. What? Oh, he's hitting on the little girl. Okay. Oh, dude. Oh, man. I'm almost starting to feel bad for Jared Leto watching this. Thank you.

I felt bad for him for like five years. I think he handled that pretty well. He's just like, all right, man. We're just accusing him of like, you want to fuck it? And he's just like, yeah. Yeah, I worked out. And you're like, oh, because you want to fuck it. Oh, man.

Jared Leto looks like he would have a day game channel. That's the look they're going for. The day game guys all want to be like Leto. Yeah, like, you know, a lot of them have a long day. Game is one of the most fascinating industries in this country. It is. I love digging. It all started with the game, that book, right?

I don't know. Was that like Tucker Max era stuff? Yeah. Like they hope they serve beer in hell and shit. And that guy was just a liar. I remember I was like 14 years old at an Urban Outfitters, and they had that fucking book at the front, and I opened it up, and it was like,

I was shooting six ropes on some six-face. I was like, what the fuck is this? Every single story is like, so my friend's fucking this chick in the ass, right? And then she's sucking his dick. I'm in the closet with a fucking camera. She throws up all over his cock. I fall out of the fucking

closet. The cops come in. I shoot one of the cops. I jump out the window, land in a Lambo, drive off to Miami. All true. Dudebo, drive off to Miami. All true. Dude, I'm going to hell. Hunger Max, dude.

Yeah. He's like the Dan Bilzerian of poor people. Yeah. He had no money, probably, for a while. Let's do a little fast infield pickup by James Marshall in New York City. I don't know, folks, if you know what we're really talking about. Day game, look into it on the internet. It's a bunch of, like, pickup artists,

a bunch of guys that look like they have, like, weird bone diseases or, like, slight flaws that just make them not able to get women by being a person, so they have to figure out all these tricks, and then do it. A lot of them get a lot of pussy and I don't know what that says about you women out there, but they just, all day they have drones in the air, they have YouTube channels.

Yeah, they have like fucking Ina Ritu filming them pick up women at the grocery store. It's insane. So look at this guy in New York. I don't even know where it's really going to go. Maybe this guy sucks, but it has views. I'm from Australia. Wow, you've got some magnetically

like kinds of eyes, occult leader eyes. I'm from Australia. I'm going to use that again. What the fuck is he doing? Is he just touching the... He looks just like Jared Leto! Oh my god, he looks like Jared Leto

and fucking Vincent Gallo had a baby. Oh my god! Here I am in New York City, Union Square. Stroking a woman. I'm here to do a bit of street harassment of the polite and charming type. So let's go meet some Manhattan ladies.

Oh, and mention my girlfriend over there who's just, like, sending me out to approach chicks. You should be approaching chicks. Your girlfriend's watching? You've got to approach anxiety, Mila. Go on. You have to talk to one for every five that I talk to. Hurry up and hit the... They definitely have, like, an open thing going on.

Let's go. Hit the streets, big nose. Like, what? This guy's only... He didn't even pick up a chick. How could I forget you rose down a cage in one day plucking pet a day game impression way I left you put no matter

what's changed this thing be the best you the rest grew restless because the one of Jesus fucking shit yeah yeah what was the opener he's lady he's not even picking up chicks I'm not trying to convert you to any religions or anything. I just thought you looked really funky and interesting and wanted to meet you. Thank you so much. You're an Eastern European, aren't you?

Yeah, I am. I'm from Ukraine. But I live like a year in Florida. He goes, ain't Zelensky just a fucking hot piece of ass? Tell me I still land in your apartment block. Why are hot piece of ass? Why are they... Why are women okay with this? Why are they okay with this? Because there's like... They're afraid he's going to start kicking the shit out of them

if they stop talking to him. She's charmed. He's insane. She's charmed. Yeah, of course she's charmed. But also... He's just coming up with being a nice person who's semi-attractive it's like that's how life works it's like what it's not there's no magic what you want to find is mystery uh the pickup artist mystery his name is mystery

he's a weirdo who looks like one of the guys you're talking about who's a fucking wacko i want to see a guy that looks like he's in deliverance, but he gets pussy. The British ones are also usually disgusting. All fucked up to these little trolls. Mystery. Top guy. Go mystery like picking up chicks. Picking up chicks. It just says the mystery of picking up chicks.

Didn't he host a show or something? Go back to the last search. Sorry. That was a botch. Mystery day game, maybe? Just hit back. Your last pick had a good one at the top of the page. Right there.

Pre-selection and three-second rule? Yeah. He's like teaching a class, bro. Oh, my God. He wears this hat when he does it? Yeah. Peacocking Devin. Attraction switches that exist in every movie.

The first we've talked about already, it's called Peace Collection. He looks like he made his clothes with, like, animals he killed. He looks like he's in Mad Max. He looks like Red Dead Redemption character. We could do it through storytelling. We could do it through photo routine. We could do it live and in person with girls all around us.

We can infer it by being unaffected by a particular woman's beauty and systematically demonstrating we're not affected by doing So this is an actual lecture that he must have given. This is like a TED talk on pussy? This is a TED talk. You have to

find... I want to see them in the streets. No, mystery in the street. I don't know what the search is. Mystery pickup artist in action. In action. In action. There we go. How is my search, my first one that I gave you, how did that not work?

Mystery and... Pick it up, chicks. Mystery method infield, infield footage. What does that mean? Infield or infield. That must be a game kind of talk. That's another pickup artist, Matador. So it's mystery and... Click on that one. What does that mean? They're infield. That must be a game kind of talk. That's another pick-up bar. It's Matador. So it's Mystery and Matador.

Click on that one. Click on that one. Both of them? Just click on it. Double teaming? Yeah. Take a look at Matador and I. Take a look at Matador and I. This is what we want. Woo! Oh my god. This has to be LA. This guy?

Oh yeah, he ran a show. Yeah, I'm trying to tell you that there is a reality show. I hate this. Hello, hello. Who are you? Right off the bat. Mystery was talking to the bartender. Matador was talking to another girl. I mean, before they even got in the club,

they were already in conversations with these people. You're huggable. was talking to another girl. I mean, before they even got in the club, they were already, like, in conversations with these people. You're huggable. I need to hug you. I don't know why. Oh, God. For God's sakes, man, take this woman from me. Oh, hell, I'll give you 200 bucks to get rid of her formation. Oh, you're lovely. They were just pulling from here. Oh, come on, ladies.

This guy? Mystery talks about stuff. They just have to do better. These people look like they should be shot in the head by Anton Chigurh. They're like mongoloids. If I talked about Google Earth, nobody would get

within 100 feet of me. I hate that this guy ever had sex. It's a free program you can get on the internet called Google Earth. It just proves how successful what he does. Well, I'm ready to lock in.

I've been fucking nines ever since I met Mystery. It's crazy. It's crazy. Mystery and Matador. I have a full assessment right now of every single set. Let's see him hit on chicks. Surrounded by love today. So this is the problem

with night game. Yeah, you never really know when they're doing it. Not just because you need it. I'll come down for you. Maybe I need it too. Don't pity Pat. Hug tight. He loves hugging. So he just kind of pretends he runs the party, but he's at a nightclub and he doesn't know any of the groups,

but he just kind of keeps going over to tables being like, all right, everybody. It seems like their move is to go hot and cold every time they're talking. So it'd be like, come on, like, oh, you're so huggable. I need to hug you. But like someone pay $200 to get this woman away from me. But no, you're lovely. Let's go get a drink.

Yeah, you just play everyone against each other and shit. Look what I found. This is Kimberly. Hello, hello. This is Michelle. This thing is to go, hello, hello. How are you doing? How are you doing? No way, it's a sweat. These guys on YouTube are way better. I want to see how they I don't like this because they're just skipping to him being successful.

These guys on YouTube are way better. I want to see how they fucking, how they, I want to see just what they really are saying here. Enough with your eyes. Enough of you, mystery. We've had it with you. Look at pickup artists failing. That's good.

That's good. What is Blackpill? Blackpill is when you... So it's people who think... They're also called, like, doomers. It's people who are just, like, Earth is nothing. It's a term for nihilists. Well, this one's pick-up artists are terrible.

I'm going to do that one. Yeah, so it's probably... No, I know, but you guys are, like, the cutest. That are here. You're going to have a mess. I just wanted to say hi. Hi. He's standing like his dick is like in their face. They're like on a park bench and he thinks he's being all powerful.

Mostly I just actually told you you have a very feisty, adorable look about you. Oh, I appreciate it, but if you don't mind. How do you guys all know each other? Pickup artists are one of the lamest groups of people. Oh, great. You know, we needed that.

And the guy in this video is a... God damn you people on YouTube. You suck my ass. These are hard to find. We have to... Yeah, what happened? The old pickup artist cringe. They used to be the first thing.

I know. Turn on the cringe compilation. We're going to get another one of these fuckfaces doing their commentary. No, no, no. Do the cringe. Do the top one. That looks promising.

Can I have a seat? What is this? Filmed on a fucking Nokia? So I'll start with some of the very simple approaches. This is a demonstration? In a bookstore or something like that. Where's an amazing place to eat around here? I think you probably want to go downtown.

What do you like there? The point of this, which I think is really interesting, is simple questions open up a universe. Oh, sorry, my backpack. Things have not taken off yet, though they will. But these sorts of questions that you guys probably think are really stupid are really... So he's leaving the building, guys. Where you going, Joey?

You going to do some... You do some night game? You get inspired? I'm going to do a little night game. We'll be right back. This video sucks. All right. Yeah, do the cringe compilation at the top.

I told you. That was a black pill. Yeah, turn that on. All right. Yes, black pills always start with weird fucking Gregorian chant shit. I love how traditionalist these, like, return-to-nature Western civilization black-pilled people. It's fantastic.

They're like, I can't get laid. The people who can are retards. If you want a career, you need commitment. Wow, thanks for breaking my brain with that warning. You're just going to hold your backpack the whole time? No, no, no. All right, here we go. Extreme cringe here.

We're going to be mixing standard day game. Standard day game? Look at the guy on the right. Holy shit. They talk about it like it's karate. We're mixing standard with taekwondo. It's MMA. I want to see one of these.

This guy is going to do it. Yeah, this guy is going to do it. Beetlejuice from the Howard Stern show is going to get a bunch of pussy. Come on, women. I was going to say you look a bit random, but you look very nice. Thank you. You look English, I'm not sure. Yeah.

I was going to say you look a bit random, but I'm a bit nervous, so you can say hello. I'm not probably waiting for you to attend a date, so I'm going to. Yeah. Okay. It was a bit random. Yeah, I'm a bit nervous, so I'll say hello. I'm not probably waiting for you to attend a date, so I'll say hello. No, definitely not. I'm just like, oh, no. She's like, sorry, I don't date retards. Oh, no. Okay.

What if he just starts chasing her? I don't know. What? That was his attempt? This poor fellow. He just tackles her. Are you FaceTiming? Are you FaceTiming?

Yeah. That's when I say hello. A bit random, but. This poor fellow. He just tackles her. Are you FaceTiming? Are you FaceTiming? Yeah. I just want to say hello. A bit random, but... He's literally just following women. This is kind of sad. This rocks. This guy in the suit's like his hitch. Excuse me.

Hi. Sounds a bit random, but... Sorry. Sorry, excuse me. Sorry. Excuse me. Sorry. Sorry. Sounds a bit random, but I saw you. You look very nice.

You just came from the gym. You lucky? You just came from the gym or you came from, I don't know, banking. No, I haven't been to the gym. Yeah. You look a bit... She's like, are you saying I look sweaty and gross? Yeah, he's like, you look really stunky.

She doesn't... No, I'm Belgian. I'm Belgian. That's in Europe. Very good. Yeah, now I'm just a bit bored, so look really stanky. She doesn't. From Belgium. That's in Europe. Very good. Yeah, now there's something just a bit, now there's something just a bit bored, so I wanted to say hello.

Hello. Belgium, so did you live here? Oh my God. Oh, this poor guy. This is so pathetic. This is horrific. I don't know, he deserves it. He deserves all of it.

Sorry. Sorry, I don't know what I wanted to say. He's just getting rejected left and right. And what's funny about this is, you know, he started the video like, what's up YouTube? I'm sorry, I wanted to say... You're just getting rejected left and right. Trying the right foot. And what's funny about this is, you know, he started the video like, What's up, YouTube? I'm gonna show you how to get women! He's just getting nothing. It's so sad. The pits that...

Hang on, continue. Sorry, excuse me. Sorry. Sounds a bit random, but I saw you two down there. You look very nice. You're a bit Swedish. Jesus Christ saw you two down there. You look very nice. Jesus Christ, Joey! That's a great clip. Andre, English. Come on.

We can't have the pile mites. Joey's just beating people with things. It looks great. It looks great. Just like before. Just leave it. I'm sick of fixing things in this fucking studio.

Richie was on one. Enough of this. Let's get to Amber Heard, Johnny Depp. Give the people what they want. Alright. So this is Johnny Depp's sister. She didn't get any of the beauty traits that he did. I mean, she's obviously much older.

I don't know. I hope they're not the same age. But anyway, so, you know, we all... They're twins. She doesn't have any of the adrenochrome That's what it boils down to Yeah, it really is just that I wonder, let's see what she says

It was feisty He was feisty and then he loved it And that Jerry Judge and I Needed to stay out of her marriage So that was the basic Conversation Did you respond at all When Miss Hur told you to get off? and I needed to stay out of her marriage. So that was the basic conversation. Did you respond at all when Miss Heard told you to get off? Look at Johnny, dude.

Johnny looks awesome, dude. Look at him. He kicks fucking ass. Water? I got it. Your cross? I just kept saying that fighting is not normal. This kind of fighting is not normal.

I just kept telling Johnny, like, she's shitting all over the house. This is not normal, okay? Johnny told me she came home with a bazooka. I just thought about Johnny was like, what should I wear? The lawyer was like, just wear like a suit. He's like, I'm going to wear an ivory tie. I'm going to smoke a cigar. This tie is made from the last elephant on earth

My hair's gonna look disheveled How close were you to Miss Heard When you were having this conversation? Look at this loser in the mask She looks like Boo this man! Amber Heard looks like that girl Convinced that autistic guy

to kill himself. Remember that? She does. She does. She also had great character. She was hot, dude. I would have fucking... She wasn't.

The chick who convinced the dude to kill himself? The 17-year-old? You like her? Was she 17? She was in high school. 16, maybe. I thought it was 16 when she did it

and then was like an adult. You liked that fucking puddle of... You were waiting... I was doing a countdown, dude were waiting to think she was hot. I mean, didn't everybody know? She kind of looks like an alien. I don't know. The way she has...

It is hot how she has a murder in her background. It wasn't for my friends. I'm like, the high schooler? You like her? Great! Alright, let's watch some amber i sent a girl i was talking to that story and i said i want you to do this to me the amber heard shit no the texting oh right right man don't you have a real david spade fucking black sheep relationship oh god i just don't want you to uh no don't worry to what we all know no there's no underage sex happening there's no sex at all

you seem like a pedophile right now john john's not a pedophile so john is not a pedophile but he seems like a pedophile so right now so be it. No, not so be it. All the women John dates take their teeth out before bed. Sadly, my dating pool is like women and like... John dates old women. John exclusively likes like milfs

and gilfs. John's using Ben Gay for lube and shit. I've slept with... Never mind. Fuck it. You gotta feed him applesauce. John's playing b Gay for lube I've slept with nevermind fuck it you gotta feed him applesauce John's playing bingo on dates John has a walk-in bathtub

in his apartment he's got a wheelchair ramp up to his bedroom I got one of those elevators that goes up the stairs with a chair on it it goes all slow. All of John's girlfriends watch the Wheel of Fortune and then pass out by

seven. I go to the Betty Ford Center. Oh, God. They all got shoes from the VA. ARP. I gotta go walk my girlfriend at the mall at 6am. Yeah, John was buying tennis balls the other day.

I was like, you playing tennis? He's like, no, I'm helping out somebody. But dude, my new girl, she gets discounts like everywhere, dude. The movie theater, the fucking grocery store. It's so dope, dude. She can't get pregnant, bro. Oh yeah, you're jealous? Sorry that my girl girl has an aarp card and yours doesn't look at amber herd look at that sociopath look at that she just wants to throw the computer yeah she's just drawing a black ring on fucking paper i'll let her ruin my life right now. If you could please let us know as of April 2016

what was the state of your mother's health? I would tell Amber Heard to hike the Appalachian Trail and not shower the entire time. Is she purposely taking a long time to answer? You're fucking our show up lady. Let's go lady. The hate watch

pod is on your tail right now. So slowly. Would you bang Johnny Depp's sister? Oh, yeah. You would? You'd bang her? Oh, yeah. I'd go, mommy. Jump right in there.

Oh, yeah. Jump right in there. You break right in there oh you've cut you break a couple bones of hers take your diaper off baby get that hip replaced and you know what i'm saying all right you take her oxygen tank out off slowly it's like a carotene thing it makes her cum harder yeah yeah because let's give sleep apnea a rest one night I need that

mouth put your eye drops in baby you know some guys fucked with a CPAP machine oh yeah he's like oh this thing has suction he looks like Bane if any machine has suction a guy has fucked it. I used to vacuum my dick

while wearing it. That's my favorite. I didn't even see Scary Movie. I just vacuumed my... I started that whole thing. I used to. I'm a goddamn pioneer. Pioneer of jacking off. You started that? Daniel Boone of vacuum. You were the first guy. Oh, yeah.

Scary Movie, They saw me. That's crazy. It is crazy. Yeah. I knew that she was towards the end of her life. So that's what April basically was. Now they're talking about Johnny's mom. His mom.

And she died, I guess. The big fat soap. Amber Heard probably suffocated Johnny's mom. Amber Heard threw pots and pans at her too. He gathered everybody to come say goodbye to her. How often, if at all, did you visit your mother in April 2016? She was in the hospital, so I was with her pretty much every day. I was a 24-7.

Johnny's dressed like he's at a parole hearing at Alcatraz. Like this fucking guy. He looks like James Al Capone. Johnny at the hospital. He's so hungover. He's so hungover. He's like, my fucking head is killing me. I should have taken that milk thistle.

Jesus Christ. Milk thistle. He's like, fuck, I should have taken that milk thistle. Jesus Christ. He's like, I should have taken that milk thistle. I should have brought the party smart with me. Somebody needs to overlay the Pirates of the Caribbean theme song over this entire thing. Put that on the full screen.

Look how fucking this guy. He's like, oh god. Red wine. Put that on the full screen. Look at this guy. He's like, oh, God, red wine. This just makes my head hurt. Somebody tell me where the hell I am. He's got a three-piece suit on. Jesus Christ. I'm at the hospital in April 2016.

I don't know how often I saw him. Look at him, dude. Your Honor, I hate to interrupt, but can we just admit how cool Johnny Depp looks right now? He's the king of the disease. You know, brought in. He really is. Yes, dude. Look at the DC. Look at this mangy wolf.

He's gotten it so bad. Because you know he's still madly in love. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He's like, Amber, forgive me. I'll drop all the charges. Just fuck me one more time. He's like, Amber,

I have limerence. Do you think there's actually that much going on behind his head? He acts like he's sitting there fucking, you know. He's hung over his head. What he said, in his head, he's just like, God, I need an Advil.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. I need a goddamn Advil. He asked his lawyer, he's like, can you get me a Pedialyte? He's like, life keeps getting weirder for dull depth, doesn't it? I'm televised court with my lover. He's sitting there, he's just like,

God damn, I'm craving the double-double right now. I need French toast sticks now. I need a bottle of port and French toast sticks. He goes, what's the easiest way to get drunk on TV in a courtroom? He keeps looking into his sleeve. Will they notice if I suck the booze out of my sleeve do you think security will find my bladder of wine

johnny do not bring your bladder of wine into the courthouse today no no they didn't find it last time. He's like, no, this camel pack, it's not vodka, it's just water. He's got a camel pack on it. What a guy, man. What a guy. Look at him. Together in May, would you please explain what you meant?

We were told by the doctors that mom was at a point where there was nothing else that we could do for her. Why are they asking about his mom? It's got to be a bigger picture thing. Yeah, exactly. Because a lawyer is building a case. Building a case. Amber Heard probably fucking, you know, used to collect his mom's shit and then smear it around Johnny's house or something. Litter her mom's bed on fire or something.

We can skip ahead. I want to hear her talk about fucking, you know, when she witnessed. Do you want to know the secret? No, I don't. I'll fucking kill you, scumbag. I'll fucking kill you. Guy Raz. Journalist.

What happened next day? He's just gone to hell. It's the most miserable living man I've ever seen. He's like, I told my driver to pick me up home state today. I ate some breakfast tacos to soak up the wine

I missed my Valium dealer by five minutes Johnny needs a quick Oxycontin break Well mom passed away that morning Here we go with the waterworks Until the wee morning hours of May Yeah, we're here for bigger things Here we go with the waterworks. Until the wee morning hours have made, you know. Yeah, yeah. We're here for bigger things, okay?

The lawyer's like, listen, more important things are happening right now, okay? Nobody cares about your dead mom. Oh, my God. Johnny gets up. He's like, I want everyone to know we are not blood related my kids my sister we were all there spending our last bits of time

this has to do with something with Amber right she's about she's about to say like Amber did something horrible I don't want to miss something good

but this whole thing is her deposition or cross-examination whatever so maybe we just skip like sure sure I want to see if good but this whole thing is her deposition or cross-examination whatever so maybe we just skip like sure sure I want to see if Amber heard did anything to Johnny Depp's mom though because why would they bring this and that's when I came in the room and Amber had my mom's legs

spread open that's what I'm saying maybe it takes well Amber was holding eating Johnny's mom well you know we should pass away three hours prior out Johnny's mouth. Well, you know, we said Johnny passed away three hours prior when the whole thing happened.

Amber needed some alone time with her. And then I saw a bottle of Vaseline fall out of Amber's purse walking on the way to her dead body. I said, what are you doing?

I said, why does she have a chair leg and a bottle of Vaseline? We told Johnny we caught her eating our mom's pussy. But he said, she's a little wild. She's feisty. I like that.

She's feisty, and that's why I like her. So they kept going. You know, that's what mom loved that. Mom loved getting chocolate sauce slurped out of her pussy. What? What? Oh, God. The depths.

The depths. We will go. Who, if anyone, told Johnny that your mother had passed? It was Amber. She said, your fucking stupid mom died. Johnny, wake up. Your mom's dead.

Amber woke Johnny up with a gun to his head. Fucking Karen. Sorry. Yeah, we know. Take your time. I did. Benji shit on the bed. Yeah, we know. Take your time. I did. I, um... Benji shit on the bed.

Yeah. I called him, and I called my, um, our other siblings. Johnny was... What does this have to do with Amber? It'll get there, Debbie. I'm sorry. I know this is... The whole thing is a long...

They're not just telling stories. That's what I'm saying. I think if we skip... No, the whole thing is a long narrative to build up and establish... But I just want to hear what Amber Heard had to do with any of this. The whole thing is about how Amber Heard was a known problem maker

amongst the entire family. They're building a bad... They're taking her character down step by step by saying she did this, then she did this, then she did this. This is what I'm advocating for, and let me ask you if you think the same thing. Okay, we're at nine minutes right now.

This is an hour and 38 minutes. Yeah, we're not going to watch the whole thing. Hold on. Is this the second ep? Yeah. I don't know. We might just give the people a big good one. I don't know, but just hear me out.

So what I'm saying to Devin, which he refuses to do, is maybe get to the 30th. Because I want to hear what she had to do with his mom. I know. So they're building a case, a story. So if you jump to 30 minutes, now they start talking about Amber Heard. Things ramp up. It's like skipping to the middle of a movie, Devin. Maybe.

I don't know. But right now, they're building to her. That's how these work. It's going to take a while. Richie is 1,000% correct. Jesus Christ. Oh, my God. Look at Johnny.

He wants to say something. He's covering his mouth. She's testified that she said that they were fighting. Give me some Kahlua. I need Kahlua. Maybe there's still something under my fingernails. I'll ask it again. Did you ever become aware that Amber and Mr. Depp hadn't seen each other

or talked that day before he came to Yeah, this isn't what I was talking about. You still didn't Well, at least they're talking about Amber Heard and Johnny Depp. I wanted to see if there was anything with Amber Heard and his mom. Did Amber suffocate the mom? Two otters fighting over a clam.

Yes, you're right, but you still don't get what I was saying either. Go back to eight minutes. Forget it. I'm out. Let's keep hearing about their mom. Johnny. Now, when your mother was in the last days of her life in the hospital, Amber visited her, right?

Oh, what do you know? Amber did come one time. Well, we're not going to hear anything from Johnny or Amber because they're not on the stand, right? No. She did come one time. Richie's on one tonight. Hey, buddy. I'm losing it.

I'm just a bear. You've done nothing wrong. You've done nothing wrong. I don't recall her visiting on her own more than one time. No. I remember her coming one time because I didn't know she was coming. This is great. And Johnny was actually...

Well, this goes with the joke, this wording. On her own more than one time. No, I remember her coming... On my mom's face. Tapping. She rubbed my mom's face. I walked into the room. She was riding my mom in her last moments.

She was squirting everywhere. One time, because I didn't know she was coming, and Johnny was actually also coming. Come on. We're such idiots. No, she did that on purpose. So then she goes, I walked in the room. I was coming.

I look at the nurse. She was coming. So I started rubbing my mouth. I look at the nurse. She's coming. The doctor's coming. So we started, we do a bukkake all over my dead mom. Then the coroner was coming in a way for the,

the ambulance, the drivers were coming. The ambulance started coming. Everyone said they were coming that day. This is what I'm saying. She's like, come. Alone. Where she showed, come. Alone.

Where she showed up alone. Talking about semen. And Johnny came shortly after she was there. And other times she visited with Johnny or other people. Is that right? She visited with Johnny sometimes. Oh. I look like Robert Patrick.

I look like Robert Patrick. She says, completely unprovoked, she just says she looks like Robert Patrick. She goes, I'm going to say it because everyone's thinking it. I look like the T-1000. Objection, Romans! I look like the T-1000. Your arms turn into metal. And it just stabs Amber through the eye.

Johnny's lawyer goes, objection, your honor. I mean, what does that have to do with anything? He goes, yes, she does. But why are we doing that? Strike that from the record. Jury will disregard. Yes, she does look like that. The judge goes, yes,

she does look like him. We're going to have to bring in a whole new jury. That's very distracting. Missed trial. Judge Joe Brown, he's just like, so y'all were coming on Johnny Depp's mom. That's trifling. That's trifling. Amber, you're pulling shit out your asshole, rubbing it all over the house.

He goes, that sounds like a big damn mess. He goes, it's like a goddamn mess. What the hell wrong with you white people? It's disgusting. Well, listen, I'm getting to the bottom of the case. You owe Johnny Depp $250, and that's that. Get out of my courtroom. Pay for them sheets and get the hell out of here.

Now tell this Robert Patrick looking bitch to speak up. And quit crying like a little bitch. Crying like a bitch. My only problem with this case is there aren't any black people in it to talk shit about. I don't remember the T-1000 crying, bitch. How is that not Robert Patrick? It's David Scatino, for Christ's sake.

Oh, God. The fucking Terminator walks in with a box of roses. He grabs John Conner roses. He grabs John Connor. He grabs Johnny. I never saw him use anything like that. Of course. I became aware of people saying that.

Johnny's like, I need more. And you became so concerned about that. No Grey Goose. Told your brother to stop using cocaine, correct? Oh, shit. This is Johnny Depp's lawyer. Uh-oh, uh-oh. Look at her.

She goes, I don't know if I told him that. Stop using cocaine. Concerned about that, that you told your brother to stop using cocaine, correct? Oh, shit. That's a down-ass bitch. I use the term Panamanian pleasure

powder. She's like, what's up, bird? She's just like, oh, nope. Nope. ...telling him to stop using cocaine. I think I might have told him anything that he...

She goes, I don't recall. That's a G move No comments even cooler No comments the best one He puts his hand on his knee He's like do you have any rum He goes do you have any wine I'll settle for barefoot

He goes how many milligrams was that oxy Johnny's like where's my breakfast burrito? I thought I sent you to home state. What are you still doing here? For Christ's sakes, I thought I sent you to home state 30 minutes ago. Open up, GoPuff. That's fine.

I want Reese's peanut butter cups. That's what he's saying. I thought you said boofing was supposed to be faster. He's like, I shoved the wine soaked tampon in my ass. How do I pull it?

30 minutes ago. He's like, it's not kicking in. How do I pull this out of my ass? I can't hold this vodka booth. What is this? Put this in here. That was on the ground when I got here, your honor. He goes, Amber, did you do that?

Yeah, he points to Amber. You left your stamp on out, you dirty slime. Then he starts getting really weird with all the things he loves. He looks like the type of guy that owns, he has a pet monkey or something. He's like, can I pull out Geppetto? He's like, can I play with Geppetto while my sister's on the stand? Bring in Chip Chip. Bring in Chip Chip.

He goes, your honor, I feel melancholic. Bring in Geppetto. They have two people holding hands. I'm feeling melancholic. Your honor, I have the blues. Bring in Geppetto. Your honor, bring in my service chimpanzee. He's showing the letter.

This is a service animal. You can't deny me this. It's illegal, your honor. It's illegal. It's a service animal. Let me throw him a few grapes real quick. He goes, Geppetto makes my wine. And throw him grapes.

He stomps them. He feeds me. He can peel grapes. Your Honor, I need my Geppetto. Geppetto does a few grapes and he goes, okay, that's all I need. Get him out.

I'm feeling melancholic. I must cuddle with my Geppetto. Then Geppetto flips out because it's never been around this many people. It starts raping people. You're flipping Geepetto out. She's like, Chepetto, stop!

Chepetto rips the judge's face off. No, Chepetto, no! The bailiff shoots Chepetto. He goes, Chepetto's never been like that before. Chepetto's not himself, Your Honor. He goes was rest in peace, Geppetto. Rest in peace to the judge.

Let's get a new judge. Let's get back to court. The bailiff pulls his gun out. He's like, no, not around Geppetto. Geppetto's terrified of firearms, Your Honor. Hunter S. Thompson did something once. Oh, fuck. Johnny tackles the bailiff

and the bailiff tries to pull his gun off the chair. The bailiff shoots him. The bailiff shoots Johnny. I can't get over it now. No! Johnny's like, get me some goddamn wine! He's like, I need to take a quick break.

And he goes to the parking lot, sits in the 1960s Batmobile, and nugs his chimpanzee. I need my... He pulls up to court in the out of West Batmobile. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Your honor. Amber, it's like, fucking Geppetto.

Him again. Geppetto is hogging all the attention. All you ever did was talk about you and Geppetto. You want to go fuck Chepetto again? Go right ahead. Every time Chepetto. It's all Chepetto, Chepetto, Chepetto.

This whore hates Chepetto. He goes, Your Honor, look. I'm telling you, she was a nightmare. Any woman... Ch of Geppetto I mean Do the math Christ's sake Jealous of a monkey

Every man Has a monkey Every man Has a monkey As a best friend That is a very cute Chimpanzee Johnny I won't lie to you

I don't lie to you. I don't understand what this has to do with you. I love his little bassinet that you brought him in. Look, he's opening peanuts with his feet. It's very impressive. He's a cute baby, Your Honor. Remember her? It's a whore. It's my baby.

He's like a son to me, Your Honor. I taught him to do sign language. He's just like, I don't want her to get custody. He's like, this isn't a custody battle at all, Johnny. There's no issue with that. The chick that he's signing, you're like, what's he saying? He's telling me to stop do cocaine, Your Honor. The monkey's concerned for my health.

He goes, Geppetto, feed daddy. Geppetto pulls out a little thing. He puts a bunch of cocaine in the table. John, he just dangles. No, no, no, Geppetto. No, not here, Geppetto. Geppetto starts doing rails. Geppetto has a pouch with nips in it. He walks over with a small little paw and gives him like a fireball shooter.

He's like, no, Geppetto. Ow, ow, ow. Ow, Geppetto. Geppetto, we're not in France anymore. Geppetto, use your brain. We're in court. For Christ's sakes, Geppetto. Come on here, monkey.

Use your damn brain. Oh, fuck. Oh, my God. Oh fuck Oh my god Let's keep this train moving Get on with it Look at this guy This is Johnny's booze guy That's his go-pub order He hands him a big book and Johnny opens the book

And they cut pages out of it. There's a fucking burrito and booze in it. Did you bring me my muddy buddies? Riverside. I think. Oh, God. I'm hungover and I need my muddy bucket. When they're conversing over here, he's like, no, no, no, not Erewhon.

I said home state. They're huddling up. They're like the locations. They're huddling up. He goes, I told you, Crown Royal doesn't go down right in the morning. Seagram 7. I don't want smooth. I want to taste the whiskey, you son of a bitch.

He tells his manager, he goes, First, Chepetto forgot my adrenochrome, and now this idiot forgot my damn... This cocksucker thinks I'm going to have a Canadian blend. I said Johnny Walker Black. I said Scotch. Just kill Geppetto and get me a new assistant. You have to rotate it on there.

All this is doing is mirroring whatever. Sorry for the delay, Your Honor. Appreciate your patience. The bailiff walks in. He's like, there seems to be a monkey in the lobby. That's my Geppetto. Oh, that's Geppetto. Bring him in. Your Honor, there's a chimpanzee waiting patiently.

They're like, Your Honor, a monkey just drove a yacht through the front of the courthouse. Your Honor, a chimpanzee drove an Austin Martin through the front door, and now he's waiting patiently in the lobby. Somebody taught a monkey how to carry a knife and hold a gun. We don't know whose it is. You had three rounds of 9mm on him, Your Honor. What are they all doing? A little sidebar. They're like, yeah, I think you...

I love legal shit. Infection. That's fine. Okay, we've all recovered from the monkey. Redacted parts, correct? Yes, Your Honor. Okay. That's fine.

Right now, you just have the dates up. Is that what you want to start with? Yes, Your Honor. Okay. You can publish that to your jury. Okay. just have the dates up is that what you want to start with yes you're on okay you can publish okay ms zembrowski just because we we can only spit it out of this page um do you see that these um you just testified these were text messages johnny depp sisters You just testified these were text messages.

Johnny Depp's sister's like, spit it out, retard! Johnny starts snoring. I went for Tim Burton to take the stand. Your Honor, I... Tim Burton takes the stand dressed like Edward Scissorhands. He's like, so on February 5th. He's like, okay, we know who you're voting for. Get out of here.

Stop drinking. It's Johnny's to-do list. These are the things Geppetto was signing towards me. You sent one that said stop drinking, right? Mm-hmm. You sent one that said stop Coke, right? I meant Coca-Cola. Yes. You think you're gonna trick him

you weren't step on that dumbass i meant to text these to geppetto your honor geppetto had quite the problem your honor you must know that geppetto is my closest confidant and top aid i don't know what these are in reference to, so... I remember they brought this up at my deposition, and... My top A. Top A. Geppetto. I don't know if there's more context,

but I don't know what they're in reference to. This whole thing that starts revolving around Geppetto. And what they say is that on February 5th, 2014, you were telling your brother... I have given... What Amber never knew is that I gave Geppetto power of attorney 10 years ago after Hunter died.

At the end of the trial, the judge was like, okay, Geppetto is innocent. And they're like, well, what about Johnny Depp? Geppetto is the Johnny Depp to stop using cocaine, correct? No. I wrote those words,

but that's what I'm saying. I don't know that I was telling him to stop doing that. She's great. She would be in the mob. She's fucking awesome. What a great sis. That's a chick who's been given houses. Johnny's like, is there any cocaine in this pen?

Is this the coke pen? He takes one of his rings off, he hands it to his assistant, he goes, go quick, sell these for Coke. He opens the ring. Coke, you meant cocaine, not the soft drink, right? I meant the soft drink. And when you wrote pills, you meant prescription pills.

No comment. So you were telling him on February 5th, 2014 to stop drinking. Geppetto's wearing the exact same suit Johnny Depp's wearing. You know, Geppetto, when you get that cute little suit. I had this suit specially made. He reminds me of me. At a young age.

I remember I took him to the tailor to get it fitted. Little Geppetto. He was also being abused by his whore monkey wife. We bonded over such. I bonded with Geppetto many a night. She would throw coconuts at him. We would ride through the Venice

canals and Geppetto and I would snort cocaine and speak about our past. I wrote the words and I read over Johnny in an Austin Martin driving through Monica.

That Mr. Depp had been on a bender recently. I don't recall writing this so I don't recall the context. I love but I don't recall the context. I love the but I don't recall the timing or the writing of it. I don't recall

anything about it necessarily. This is about pots and pans. Is this the fucking defense? Analyzing her? They're trying to create a characterization of Johnny Depp. He's a badass, dude. A violent cocaine-using drunk. Right.

You were telling your brother to stop drinking, stop cocaine, and stop pills because you believe that he had a problem with drinking cocaine and pills, correct? I didn't believe he had that problem. Hell yeah, dude. She's the best, man. What's this one?

I'm made of liquid metal. See, I'm actually nanomachines. I was sent here from the future to stop the Terminator from killing protecting John Connor. So Skynet becomes sentient in 2014.

Understood. I'm asking at the time when you sent these three text messages on February 5th, 2014, did you have any reason to believe that Mr. Depp had been on a recent bender? I couldn't tell you about February, whatever date that is back then, and what I would know. Geppetto texted me twice that weekend. Do you have any reason to be worried about his death? Geppetto's texts were, more drinking, more cocaine.

She goes, these texts were to Geppetto. She goes, at that time, Johnny was using Geppetto as his driver, and I was worried about his safety. Geppetto and me went into my airship. I don't know what was happening in life at that time. I don't recall that period, the dates. I don't recall anything about that time. These texts. Doesn't seem like a text someone sends. You say stop coke. I know what the words are, but I don't seem like a text someone sends yeah stop coke the words are but i don't

know what autocorrect why would she be so like vague like why wouldn't she be like a sister right and so i'm asking you i'm asking you a question as best i can which was when you sent these texts did you have any reason to be worried about Mr. Depp's use of alcohol, cocaine, or pills? Again, I don't recall the time period of sending these texts, so I don't know that I would have any reason at that time. I don't know. She rocks. Would you have sent the text if you didn't have a reason to be worried about his use of alcohol, cocaine, or pills? I could send those three separate lines like that, three separate texts. I could do that if it was, you know, there's different reasons that maybe I could do that. It doesn't mean

that was me giving him a message. Have you ever sent texts to anyone else to tell them to stop drinking, stop coke, or stop pills before? I don't recall. Again, I don't know that I'm telling him to stop drinking, stop coke, and stop pills. That's what I'm saying. It's the context. Nice. She rocks.

And I appreciate that, but that wasn't my question. My question was, have you ever sent texts to anyone else in your life telling them to stop drinking, stop coke, or stop pills? I don't believe I've ever told anybody to stop doing any of those things in a text message, but I also don't know. Not counting Geppetto? No. A man or a monkey? Yeah, no other person, though.

No other person, though, but monkeys. You said person, sir. Primates, for sure. I wrote those words. All day. Because Geppetto has a problem. All right? That's what this was about. No more words all day cause Geppetto has a problem alright and that's what this was about

no more prostitutes Geppetto Johnny's like oh Geppetto's gonna be pissed we're really blowing up Geppetto's personal life

he goes oh god we're just airing his dirty laundry all over the goddamn news he goes Geppetto's gonna be

you thought Amber beat me. Just wait until you see how I look after a night with Geppetto. Geppetto is my ride or die. I don't know the time frame. I don't know what time frame you're actually referring to. Amber's Geppetto. I wonder where Geppetto is.

When he gets upset, I mean, Amber sits in the bed. At least she doesn't fling it, for Christ's sake. Angry Geppetto is a menace. Geppetto's a horrible drunk, Your Honor. Damn monkey can't hold his liquor. Monkey loves Kahlua. Would it refresh your recollection perhaps to see other text messages that you sent on oh do they got some other shit for not you were

worried about mr depp lawyers like i don't know why does he do his hair like that why don't we do this damn she is ride or die dude jesus christ we should work for like the fucking Columbo family. Johnny catches a Rico charge at the end of this. Why I drink mushrooms every morning.

I'm going to get the YouTube pro thing soon. I got arsed with myself. Your honor, may I approach? I love when they

huddle up with Johnny. I know. Johnny's like, I cannot fucking realize. They're just showing him a post Johnny. I know. Johnny's like, I cannot fucking... They're just showing... They're just showing him a post-maste order. He's like, yes, that. No, he's like, look at the time,

and they're going to stop breakfast soon. You've got to get there. Mimosas happy hour at your hotel ends soon. I had to get to the Chateau Marmont, and I swear to God, if Geppetto's in here in five fucking minutes, I'm going to lose my mind. Oh, fuck. What was that?

What? Damn deliberation. Yeah, there we go. When do they question Amber? That doesn't happen. This is all the sister. This whole video is the sister. This is the first day, I think.

It was just this and the lawyers doing their shit. From Amber to you are the ones on the right, correct? Ma'am, you look like a toad. Yes. And messages from you to Amber are the ones in gray on the left, right? Yes. Ma'am, you are the most down-ass bitch in town. Yes.

Yes. Take a minute and just read that first page, please. What are the words P-I-C mean to you, ma'am? Sir, this is lemon party. She's just... She goes, sir, did you put... She goes, very funny, but that's lemon party. Is that meat spin, Your Honor?

She goes, nice one, but we're in the middle of a big trial. Lemon Party, not... She says, nice one, but we're in the middle of a trial. Good, listen, good goof, but we need to move on. She goes, you got me good, but can we focus on the trial? You got me good. but can we focus on the drive? You got me good.

She goes, yes, listen, we've all seen two kids in the sandbox. Okay, Your Honor, but can we move on with the trial? We've all linked each other to meat spins, Your Honor. Yes, yes. Can we skip that? That's hilarious. This black guy does have a huge penis. We've seen that photo.

Would you tell the defense to stop a Rick rolling me? What is she looking at? I'll allow that question. I'll ask it again. Does this refresh your recollection? I'll allow it. Johnny Depp's got to have more money than Amber, right?

I think he's broke. Oh, yeah. What? Who knows how he spent his money, but he's earned it. I heard he spent all his money on wine. He's earned, you know, about 100 times more. Yeah. So he maybe has a worse legal team?

No. He might be doing Nicolas Cage stuff where he's buying castles and skeletons of dinosaurs and stuff. There's a big Rolling Stone thing that they wrote about where a guy spent

like three days with Johnny Depp and he would buy like $10,000 bottles of wine and just drink them. Jesus Christ. And his family

sucks up a lot of his money too. He's doing Hunter S. Thompson. Well, it paid off. He's like, he's like, he's like,

oh, Geppetto just got back from Vegas. He took my card. That's 10 mil out the window. God damn it, Geppetto. It's another Pirates of the Caribbean I gotta do. Oh, God. Geppetto, you're running through your allowance quite quickly.

He's like, Geppetto, did you go to Nobu four times last week? Uh, it's, I remember, Geppetto, what is this charge I see on the credit card at Cheetah's nightclub? Geppetto,

are you getting sued for starting AIDS? Doing yes at this period. And, but does this refresh your recollection about your worry and concern for your brother, Johnny Depp, around this time? I still don't recall having a severe worry around this time. Well, before you didn't recall having any worries. So does this at least refresh your recollection that you had some worry? It's not going to work.

Honestly, I don't recall having a worry. Look, Depp has new confidence now. The lawyers whispered something to him where they're like, hey, slam dunk. This is going to be a slam dunk. They go, your bacon, egg, and cheese is on the way. Show a little life, Depp. Do you have any reason to doubt?

Bacon, egg, and cheese coming. To be honest, she was, she would write things quite often or explain things quite often and it's a bit more dramatic maybe than what we understood it to be, or maybe even sometimes the instances were different than what she was describing. But in any event, this conversation that you had with Ms. Hurd gave you concern enough to tell your brother, stop coke, stop pills, stop booze, right? No, I don't think it did. To tell your brother, stop coke, stop pills, stop booze, right? Silly bitch. It didn't.

And I've asked this before, but we'll take a look at this. This lady's been coached by the highest paid lawyers on planet Earth. Yeah. Johnny Depp's right, by the way. I think he's innocent. Yeah, totally. Everybody does. But she's also been clearly the way. I think he's innocent. Yeah, totally. Everybody does. But she's also been clearly coached.

Great. Good. Good, yes, good. Yeah. You have to be coached. Let's see Geppetto on the stand. I know, because they've got these shyster lawyers trying to make Johnny Depp look bad. He hasn't done a damn thing.

Nail Geppetto down. Then I'm impressed. Let's see them try to take down Geppetto. Geppetto doesn't need any training. It's like... It says he's still five miles away. He's hopping on the 101. What the fuck does he think he's doing?

He's like, it's rush hour. This motherfucker's taking Olympic Boulevard. You said he'd be here in five minutes. There's no fucking way. Uber's full of shit. He's on Venice. Tell him to go down to Washington. I told you to get it your fucking self

how much money I pay for this. What's his name? Tamikis? He's like, goddammit, where is my howlin' rays? I need my chicken. If I don't get a half gallon of Kahlua and a

bucket of fried chicken and my fucking Geppetto. Dude, John's dead. Oh, fuck. I see him trying to end up having a fucking monkey named Geppetto. It's driving me nuts right now. Your Honor, thank you for the verdict, but I must say you treated Geppetto like shit.

What I had heard from her in these texts, I didn't really love where life was at the time. Nice. Now she's bringing it back to her. I'm not mentally stable. You can't trust anything. Very good. Genius. She's like, I was worried Johnny was hanging out with a guy.

The lawyers are starting to go like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't say that. Oh yeah, look, he just stood up like, Your Honor, she's a drunk. Here's what she's saying. ...in their entirety for the reasons that we discussed, both as impeachment and as a witness. All right. There are other statements in here that I do find as hearsay, so we can work with it. I'm not sure on that for this time, maybe, and we'll have other issues with it outside the presence of the jury, and we'll work on redactions.

That sounds good. Can I ask her questions just about her language? Can I see her tits? Okay, yes, sir. God. Lawyers are such a... Geppetto comes on stage and goes, Yonder, I can't really answer this without saying

I ever heard news. Geppetto! All right, Geppetto. Geppetto, you horndog. Horndog, Geppetto. What the hell? What are you being crazy You just started to say monkeys He just starts wildly jacking off

Geppetto We let you understand Bring the bucket of ice water into the courtroom Geppetto needs to be iced John you're on the Reddit right now? This is the most redundant joke we've ever done, and I don't know why it keeps making me laugh.

John, hold on a second. Is John really on the Reddit? John's on the hate watch Reddit. We're doing an episode. It's great. Ecomaniac. What are they saying? Jordan posted a picture of me on the Reddit with Gilbert Godfrey.

It was funny. Okay. All right. How long have we done? We did a good one. We're almost at two hours here. Wow. Bad boys.

Let's wrap it up. Did we have anything else? We got some good stuff. Why don't we get to the end of this? We got a lot of Geppetto stuff. Let's go a little near the end. We have Ramone. We have the Tuggett guy.

Hey, this podcast just has tons of characters. We're character peeps. Sorry. We got a million characters. Hey, sorry. Characters here. Devin's talking like Johnny Depp. God damn it.

YouTube premium.. YouTube premium. Fucking YouTube premium. Too hungover for this shit. The Geppetto usually runs my account. Oh, man. Whoa. Did you see that? Look at her teeth, bro.

She's from Kentucky, guys. Oh, what the fuck happened since? Sad. I didn't see that. Geppetto knocked her fucking teeth out. She, like, snarled for a second. That's all her shit teeth. You see that, Your Honor?

That's what happens when you talk back to Geppetto. Geppetto has muscle fibers way stronger than humans. He can knock teeth out. One time I saw Geppetto pull a chariot with one arm. Geppetto moved a Volkswagen.

Now I don't even know what we're saying. Geppetto's really strong, basically. I have an 18th century Italian chair into my living room. Mr. Depp about what drugs and alcohol did to him. Because it could seem like a confrontation. Does at a certain point, like in these depositions. His sister just goes, well, he started hanging out with a monkey.

At a certain point doing these depositions, like, how does someone not give a, be like, how many times, I'm not saying it. All right, enough. When do you get to just stand up and be like, I'm not talking about that. You're not going to get me.

They go, if I was on the stand, I'd go, listen, guys, I was coached. You're not going to break me. They told me not to say a thing so i'm not saying i'm not saying what did you mean by it honestly what i was trying to do um is trying to uh i would come in and say hey guys i've been forced to be here by subpoena. But if you think I'm going to sit here on televised court and be a cuck in front of everybody, you're wrong. You're simply wrong. Nice try.

His sister says that. You got me pegged all wrong, lawyer man. Exactly. Bring out Chepetto. Bring out whoever you want. But I'm going to sit here and ignore all your intimidation tactics. Which is what these lawyers are doing.

Well I don't know if we have to keep going. It seems like she just stands strong the whole time and doesn't say she had anything. She knew it. She's not going to break. Maybe skip right to the last three minutes. Something like that. See if anything really happens. Oh, do they walk out?

I want to see Johnny Depp get out and leave. It's going to be a bunch of bullshit. Oh, what's going on with Johnny? What did Johnny do? Johnny Depp starts crying. As long as the personal identifiers was what the objection was. So if you could do that for just the four. Yes, sir.

Johnny's like, Jesus. Did you just say yes, sir? All right. That's all I had. Yes, ma'am. You had something. Okay. Did he just misgender the judge. All right. That's all I had. Yes, ma'am. You had something. Okay. Did he just misgender the judge?

All right. Let me skim over. You fucking bitch. I think this is it. Yeah, that's it. He's like, good. Finally. He's taking that fucking tampon out of his ass there.

He's like, how come the judge looks like Rachel Meadow? All right. That's it. He's like, good. Finally. He's taking that fucking tampon out of his ass there. He's like, how come the judge looks like Rachel Meadow? All right, that's it. Yeah. That's it. In the end, Geppetto wins. Anyway, folks, thanks for listening. We'll do a Patreon in the next couple days.

Let's talk about this really quick. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We recorded some boxing stuff today. It's on the Instagram. The Hatewatchpod Instagram. It's on the Patreon, too, but the Patreon's going to get only exclusive stuff soon. We're going to make big highlight tapes of Joey working out. To be honest, we'll be honest.

We posted the full video that we post on Patreon by mistake on Instagram. It wasn't even really supposed to go. There'll be plenty of stuff that doesn't go on Instagram. Either way, the full fight is going on Patreon. All the full documentary. If you watch ESPN 30 for 30, for example, or UFC Embedded, that's what we're going to be releasing in like 10 minute clips on the

Patreon. Yeah, and there'll be little things like that go out, but if you're on Patreon, you'll get the whole thing. We released a small goof today about it. It was a great, great fucking insane call. But, so on the Patreon there's a very funny prank phone call

where we did a big goof. I'm going to be actually training with a boxer. I'm going to get into the ring with some kind of guy. I actually insist 30 amateur fights. You want to do

30? At least 30. At 30, Okay, well, at least 30. At 30,000, you can do a fight every thousand. So that's the move. And then Patreon, though. And also, by the way,

one last thing, one last thing is I hate this. I'm going to get sad really fast if that's okay. can i get genuine sure devin can't stop going to the stops yeah and he keeps right and we had to pull him out of a truck the other day he's right he's right by his legs which is the fucking yeah it was like his little ankles

were wiggling this guy had a big one there's cum shooting everywhere big willy big big willy big old willy and Devin said

he already paid I have to finish I have to finish he already paid and we said Devin he's finished get out of the truck Devin he's on pop number 5

Your ass looks like a Jackson Pollock Get out of the truck Dude you're covered in cum You're covered in cum Get out of the truck Your ass looks like a Jackson Pollock You're soaked Get out of the truck you're soaked

He's finished. How many times do you want him to finish? So we were saying that we were yelling at him and pulled him out but so Yep, this is all true.

But so I'm just saying the Patreon supports him getting off all that stuff. But he won't really anyway no matter how much money you give, he'll never stop. I just buy more meth

and fuck more men. Maybe don't. Maybe get off it. Unsubscribe. Unsubscribe. Well, no, but then no fight, though. No fight.

No fight. We got you guys cornered. I've got them in a pickle. I've got them in a pickle. Patreon.com slash hatewatch podcast podcast you know manscape

perpetuity and yeah leave a review on Apple and all that shit that helps I guess and yeah thanks folks goodbye everybody goodbye I love you the best. Bye.

That was a fucking one. That was one for the Hall of Fame. Yeah, that was like the Apocalypse Now of our podcast. Yes, this is a redo. What do you guys want to do?