Hate Watch with Devan Costa - Honey, Get The Door

Episode Date: June 23, 2025

Guy kills two politicians at their home, Taylor Sheridan tv shows, Schwarzenegger lays down the law on The View https://www.patreon.com/HateWatchPodcast Support the show and start your free online Hims visit today at https://www.hims.com/HATEWATCH

🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 You motherfuckers, you motherfuckers. Hello everybody, welcome to the show. Hello. Hello. This will be the last show with Joey, he's famous now.

He'll be leaving us soon. It's nice knowing you guys, man. Didn't you use it the other day to somebody? You said, like, you were like, I'm in the damn New York Times! Who are you? I'm working with Yarmulze on a voiceover thing, and he was kind of being like,

dude, do you want to do this or not? And I was like, I'm in the frickin' New York Times, Yarmulze. Hey, manny! I'm famous now. Okay. How much you paying me? How about $80,000? You are most my new fee for doing voiceover work.

I'm doing prank calls at SoFi stadium. That we were, we were laughing at the end of goof con at the Hollywood bowl. And this is the background. Joe is just sitting on stage hammered, just calling like, Oh, cheese. Quiet down. The background Joe is just sitting on stage hammered just calling Just like was late on this thing, but I did have to use my I'm flexing my fame I'm fine thing. Yeah, I suppose go to a wedding in South Dakota

And I'm too famous for that really have been using it Joey and I had quite the week We are we are acting like we're on vacation. It's Tuesday. It's well. We have to pre-record a lot Yeah, we have to pre-record because we we love doing the show and we will not stop by any means necessary to have everyone together. Yes. But you know, yeah, Joey and I just keep linking up. We keep linking up. Late at night.

Also talking 4 AM hangs. Brian's in town. Brian's in town. That's certainly not helping. We've been having, it doesn't help. It doesn't help, you gotta hang. You gotta. You gotta hang. When's the last time you sat running,

you gotta hang with them all night. Right now it's three in the afternoon. Joey was at my house at three in the morning last night. Sure. And then we woke up and we picked him up like two hours ago. So we were like, we're just tied at the hip. It's like a stuck, it's like stuck on you, but if we were alcoholics that just never leave each other.

It's stuck on you, but you're propping each other up. Yes, we're holding each other up. Yeah, we've been having quite the time. Yeah. What is going on, John? Do you know about this Vance Bolter guy, the guy that tried to kill, he killed two what Dems Demerats? Demerats demon rats this is him at the door and

Gunmen who shot two Minnesota lawmakers wearing a latex mask after security camp He's got some cold now the other thing about this is that they still open the door like they have ring footage So they're like honey. Can you get the door? I think freddick krueger's out there old honey a man going through chemo is at the door like they have ring footage so they're like honey can you get the door I think Freddy Krueger's there. They're old. Honey a man going through chemo is at the door. Honey honey the door Jason Voorhees is at the door please open it. I can see people buying that. What? No look at that. They're looking at a ring camera they go huh. They might not have looked at it. Honey. Go answer the door. Ryan Gosling! Ryan Gosling from Drive is outside, honey. Can you go grab him? I think, I think, I guess he owns a private security company

that was like based in the Congo. And he was trained by special forces, so says him. I don't know. You hear the, dee, dee, dee, and you go, honey, can you get the door? There's a man that's never existed before standing on her stoop. This seems okay to answer.

Honey, there's a guy who owns a private military company that's based in a Congo wearing a latex mask outside ready to kill us. Can you go get the door? Full tack gear, gaps in his plastic eyes. Hon, can you go grab that? Honey, can you go get the door? A man from the darkest recesses Honey, can you grab the door? A man from the darkest recesses of my mind is at the door.

A creature from the darkest corner of my brain is at the front door. The guy from my worst nightmare, Sir Hans, can you go- Honey, can you get the door? There's a man with an AK-47 and a weird bald mask! Honey! Wait, do it again? Honey, get the door! There's a villain outside! Honey, go get it! One more time, one more time.

Honey, there's a villain from Beowulf outside! Wait, give me one, give me one. Honey, answer it! He's angry! He keeps ringing the door! Give me one. Where's Nancy? One more time, one more time, one more time. Honey, a man who isn't rendered yet is at the front door. Honey, there's a man buffering at the door.

What do they know about him? That was the first thing I thought of. I was like, how do they have ring footage of this guy and they still open the fucking door? Well, I guess he looks like a copy. Listen, listen, listen, listen. Honey, you're old. You're old.

You're a boomer. Honey, a creative player that we haven't done anything to yet is at the door. Oh no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no lights they're like there's a spelunker at the door he just traveled to the depth honey can you check the dark heaven bacon first time in the invisible man when he put on human skin butter balls at the door answer please butter ball from hellraiser he's at the door honey Kane from the WWE is at the front door so I guess this is a little bit Here's a little on this maniac Eye-catching aspects of this man it is how the suspect got from Brooklyn Park to Minneapolis and then to Greenisle Yeah, everybody was Brooklyn Park in Brooklyn

That's Minnesota. It's like yes place in Minnesota called Brooklyn. Yeah, I guess that's definitely a bro. That shit's not allowed That's I lived here. I lived in Minneapolis's like Hollywood. It's like Hollywood, Florida I just found that there's a fucking Las Vegas, New Mexico I had no clue yes, so Figure out how is he getting around well prosecutors? We learn are saying that it involved a bus stop meeting a couple thousand dollars even an e-bike Fox lines Paul bloom is taking us to through this part of the story so

paul a lot of money like a really good federal charges obviously not as much in the state you're covering the state side of things what do we know today yeah and we have a rat that we're at the state that the government uh... and began a government and of course the state court very but they're here you know i think you think i got a durable in my ass and the uh... the government, Hunnibee County Government Center, of course the state courthouse. He's very cheery. Yeah, why is he confused? He's like, I got a gerbil in my ass, Amy. Ace, in this now-focused US District Court. Excuse me, I just transitioned from human from turtle.

I'm like, yeah, we come through those same court filings. Amy, have you seen my shell? Has anyone seen my damn shell? Weekend long, as the state's largest manhunt unfolded ending last night. Look at the camera. But one of those interesting guys sort of helped us connect all the dots. He manhunt unfolded last night. He's terrible at his job. He's sweating, nipples protruding. The abandoned belter allegedly abandons that security car, that police, that faux looking police car

at the Hortman home on Saturday morning and then would eventually end up in Greenisle. How does he get there? Well, now we've learned there is this random meeting with with a witness at a north minneapolis bus stop he wants to i was a come on hundred dollars or so that's very up to this person's house that they drain a couple thousand dollars out of belter's bank account. It's a neurotic Jew more like Kaiser Rolls, so to say. That's a bad, that's a bad. Very good.

That was very good. I'm sorry I was distracted by typing. It's all right. Jesus Christ. All right, here's Fox. Fox are happy. We're going to use that in Minnesota where... Fox, Fox will be excited.

Yeah. Fox is like, great news out of Minnesota. They're like, oh, oh,oo, celebrate the times, come on! No, but Fox is actually upset because the guy's a Trump supporter and they hate knowing that there's a- Wasn't he like tied to Tim Walz? Yeah, what's going on? What was his tie to Tim Walz?

All I know is Tim Walz wrote a eulogy, or not eulogy, like a really hurt, that's happened letter. Oh, I thought Tim Walz was connected to this guy in some way. That's what I thought too. I don't know, I don't know anything about that. I just know that Tim Walz, those two people were like Tim Walz's close friends. I'm also just basing this off of one tweet I read.

Yeah. Let's look into, what is that all about? Hold on, let's find out the Tim Walz connection here. Tim Walz. Honey, can you get the door? Tim Walz's best friend is at the front door. What is the connection? Oh, I guess it's just, it's Tim Walz's state.

Yeah. And that's it? Is that the connection? No, I thought it was right. His man is so high. I thought he was Wisconsin. People keep giving Tim Walz shit. No, it's the same state.

I thought there was more. Tim Walz, Vance Bolter. Let's see. God, we're cutting edge a news part. We really are. We should be taking over the fucking globe. Obviously after last week, it's like, you know, everyone's afraid to share us, by the way. Have you noticed that? Of course.

Have you seen this, folks? We're renegades. We are so punk rock. People are afraid to talk about us. I'm so jaded and cynical that I was just like I can't believe you guys thought anybody would share I'm just like no we have to fucking grind out every last share that what you did is bigger than most Little gags I've seen on podcasts at least of our of our of our you know I Forgotten about shares These cocksucking selfish scumbags. They're all worried about themselves. That's what we got to do. I'm sick of these people

Well wolves they live in their own world alone. Well, I don't even know. Yeah, I don't we don't want their show Yeah, the walls broken arrow. Okay, so police had assumed that if Tim walls is appointee Vance Luther Oh, he was a wait. He worked with Tim walls. That's right I thought yeah had assumed that if Tim walls is appointee Vance Luther Bolter was caught he would commit suicide by cop Bolter chickened out and was arrested his Democrat roommate insists without evidence of Bolter a registered Democrat is a huge Trump supporter Why's he got a roommate if he owns like a private security company? That's why he went on a rampage. He's got a roommate Is that a room? Is that night? Yeah, you'll be living with him soon. Yeah

Yeah, you'll be living with them son. Yeah You do look like somebody that would like be like living with like a political assassin True romance We get to the bottom of this whole thing. Jesus Christ, I would shoot that guy in the bottom right. These were the two people that were... Fuck! That's what he looked like. That was his last moment.

Oh, okay, so they were injured. They were killed. That's the guy that molested all the Disney. That's a photo from the scope itself. Dan Schneider! Couldn't they find a better photo? from the scope itself. That Dan Schneider. Injuring state senator John Hoffman and his wife. Couldn't they find a better photo? No.

These are people in politics. Are you kidding me? God, he's like reptilian. I'm surprised they don't just use pictures of their turds to identify them. That's horrible. ...maker's homes were less than 10 miles apart. Investigators say early yesterday morning,

Molter, dressed like a police officer, came out of Hortman's home and fired at police before escaping. We're also learning police found a list of 78- He escaped? Sounds like a board, but why did he come with the car? I don't know. Maybe getting caught was part of his plan.

Oh. You know, like the Riddler? Yeah. He's calling the shooting a quote, act of targeted violence. And. You know, like the Riddler? Yeah....calling the shooting a quote act of targeted violence. And President Trump is promising persecution to the fullest extent of the law. The FBI was offering a $50,000 reward for information... This still seems confusing to me. This whole thing.

So what... I don't know anything beyond what I told you. So he drove a car... He had a car that drove he had his car That was like for his security company that had like red and blue lights in it and it was like a Ford Explorer issued to him So I don't think it was issued to him. I think he Yeah, I think I own the company Yeah, looks like bull like a real born. He would like steal a car unless he wanted to get caught

She might want to get caught but why wish he might want to get caught. But why? So he was a Tim Walz hired employee, Vance Bolter knocking on Minnesota lawmakers door wearing a latex mask and a security guard uniform, meant to look like a police officer. Was he a security employee that was hired by Tim Walz? Like what was he hired by Tim Walz for? I'm told by a police source in Minnesota the suspect in the shootings in Minnesota is Vance Luther Bolter, who was appointed to the governor's workforce development board in 2019 by Tim Walls.

Damn, so Tim Walls talked to this guy. Yeah. Huh. But then his brother is on the news, this fat pedophile, Papa John's worker. Jesus Christ. Is that Russell Crowe from Unhand? There's this.

So a friend of Vance Bolter has been like, really loving the attention, and he just keeps like sweeping his porch in his Papa John's uniform, and talking about how Vance was like a big Trump guy, and it's very weird. It's all, it's shades of... He's about to throw...

Shades of Mandalay Bay, yes. A cilia banks out of a bar. Body armor or bullets, thanks out of a bar No He was always kind of into the military stuff. Are you not in a tank? You're always like this is so funny because this guy who's watched way too much law and order He goes you got to kind of sweep while the police yes, you gotta do something. He's like he's like so performative exactly. That's so funny He's a big law and order guy. He's like I wish I was on a dock right now, but He's changing his oil and he like he slides out from under his car. He goes, I don't know

I don't know remember the last time I saw him, you know, Chuck. He was like that, you know Yeah, no, he was a little weird sometimes but I haven't seen him in a few months It's like he knew their boys were coming and threw like glass on his front porch. Yeah sweep. Why is there broken glass? This guy wasn't his friend John no he's his roommate dude. Oh what this wasn't the house where they They're letting the roommate clean up the crime scene Don't clean up that shit. That's so funny. No?

They collected their evidence already. Collected their evidence, they cleaned it up. This guy is just, he's like late, he has to call up Papa John's and be like, my roommate is a political assassin. Give me a break. So I don't know if you saw the news, but you have to be a little late today. I'm gonna be late. Bolter kind of like lost his shit last night.

Play army, man. How long had you guys known each other? He calls him Bolter kinda like lost his shit last night. Play army man. How long had you guys known each other? He calls him Bolter. He tells his manager at Papa John's his roommate's last name. He goes, yeah, Bolt, he goes, Bolt kinda lost his shit last night. He goes, Bolt went nuts. Look at his belly.

The knee rocks. Holy shit. This is a mean angle. Oh my God. So it's fourth grade spent 45 years He goes as fourth grade Since I was 12 grade, fourth grade. I mean, I got a city man. I got a city man.

And then, did you link him up with this house to live with you? That's actually, that's not even his address, that's how much he weighs. Yeah, just scale the flat boards. They come by every day and they add a number, they go, you're now 4,831 pounds. That looks exactly like Russell Crowe

You think you're having a bad day My roommate Trailer really fast Devin it's gonna be worth it Five seconds I swear to God This will pay look at an image. No, go YouTube on his trailer. We can't play a trailer.

Oh wait, why? We're doing a public episode right now. Fuck my tits, my bed. You know, this was a terrible tangent by me. We tried to stop you. We tried to get you to stop me. That was my fault. I fought against all odds. You know what, it's okay. You're kind of the bolter in this situation. We tried to stop you. It's okay. If you let me hit your va me, that was my fault. I fought against all odds. You know what? You're okay.

You're kind of the bolter in this situation. We're trying to stop you. It's okay. If you let me hit your vape, I'll forgive you. Uh, Connor. Look at this one. Oh, that's a good one. Thanks, Connor. No problem. Thanks, dude. Mmm.

Can I hit your vape, though? That one looks nice. Look at that. Look at that beauty. I've seen the color on that, like, get really weird since last night. Yeah, it looks sundanish. It's got a sunburn. Joey's face has melanoma. I thought I was like, I have a jaundice vapor. Yeah the tip is like.

The tip is like. The tip is jaundice. The tip is like getting gray. Your vape is Doc Holliday. It doesn't know how to. I thought I was hallucinating that. It doesn't know how to keep up with the. It's crazy yeah.

It's because your hands are warm and touching it and rubbing. It's because your hands are full of diarrhea You're leaking soju on it. That's my wrist. That's soju and soju stain soju and diarrhea. Mmm. Diarrhea So soju and diarrhea was okay good. Yeah. All right, so Jaria back to Balter for the love of God Can we get back to this? Get back to it trying to run a show for one. Where's this fat pedophile? Stay on top of it. There he is.

Here's Pro. Fat pedophile. I mean, if you're fat and you work at Papa John's at this age and you have glasses, you are like a pedophile. How do you get your kids? What do you do? Because you have such low confidence,

you're like, no adult would fuck me. He's a woodsman. You actually get into pedophilia by way of it being your only option. Yeah. That's a woodsman. That's a woodsman you actually get into pedophilia by way of like it being your only option Yeah, yeah, that's a woodsman. That's a woodsman. He hit the glass. Is this a woodsman? Yes, so after this he's holding pizzas out front of like an elementary school. He's gonna like roll a dodgeball into a park He's calling elementary schools being like you guys won the surprise pizza party contest Call the elementary schools being like you guys won this surprise pizza party contest

That is a woodsman look at him. They making him clean up his fucking god. It's sad Well, you've been living up here for a while He was living in Bloomington as a manager of a food place stop ratting your buddy out and Then he Showed his beautiful... He went down to Africa, got things going down there, said he wanted to start his own companies. So the security company, was that fully formed or was that just an idea? No, that was just a fantasy. It was never...

Oh, so it's just crazy. ...to talk about it. But there was no movement on that one. Huh? Yeah. I'm very confused. He doesn't have okay so there's a guy who bought a Ford Explorer but red and blue lights in it made up this security company thing. He pretended to be a cop right? He registered like an LLCA pretended to be a cop and then he's just a loser who lived in a house with Brussels Crowe from Unhinged and then he went out and killed two senators. But John was like suspecting there was a rumor there was a rumor I saw you know that security company that was right a certain like the Congo but I'm

sure you could just pay 30 bucks and he killed so this guy's confirmed that it was a he's a loser he killed two Democratic lawmakers right were they both lawmakers was it the lawmaker and his wife I don't know they don't they do like King Lear shit like doesn't the lawmaker in bed and the wives like Black people to walk bomb Vietnam You know that was so rude to you down at the lawmaking office Yeah, my head they're all like Emily bluntunt from like 12 Years a Slave where they feel like a decanter at the slaves ed. Remember that scene? I don't remember 12 Years a Slave that well. I don't know. I don't watch it every night.

Oh I do. I fall asleep to it every single night. It's like a lullaby to me. Yeah, I actually watch it on my iPhone every night. That's my white noise machine. 12 Years a Slave. Yeah, I actually I watch it on my iPhone every night Ironically my white noise is black noise Gotta hit this fat Right now he's disgusting All right He really hated this guy's he's gonna say his friend really hated okay, okay fine. He really hated abortion in the Apparently in his manifesto there was some stuff about Planned Parenthood. Yeah

This guy goes he really hated abortion. He always tried to stab me and remember he thought I was pregnant for 20 years. He really tended to my cravings. He made a little mess for me every day. He would refer to all my turds as stillbirths. Was there any beliefs about abortion? Yeah, he was a strong... But he hasn't talked about abortion for years. And then this goes back to... He's been pretty chill about abortion. Abortion's not burnt out. He's been raising one of my shits for 10 years.

We hardly ever talk... I haven't talked really about abortion for him for... Ever... For years. I mean... If I give him stuff crushed, he doesn't even talk about abortion well he's trying to find it he would always want to work like seven days a week work work work he's trying to get money to start his businesses but yeah that sucks dude but this guy's really having a field day with the with the

news he is so good that up he's the best day of his life he's really milked that he's like I'm just gonna take this I'll make this it should be a 30 second answer I'm gonna sweep very slowly and have my day in the Sun. Yeah Shame on that guy. I like that he There's something really great. There's something really poetic about him. I don't I just like that. He works for Papa John's Over Domino's or Pizza Hut. I like that. It's Papa John. Yeah Sam, you know Better ingredients better pizza better pizza fuck black teens garlic butter

It was better Pete better ingredients better pizza Better ingredients better pizza shacks a boob Papa John's better ingredients better pizza shacks a giant I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say,

I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say,

I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, Minnesota State Representative Melissa Horton and her husband and severely injuring state senator John Hoffman. I gotta say, Bolter is the best assassin name we've had in a long time.

Bolter? I like Bolter. I also like that Fox News refuses to put up the pictures of the victims because they're Democrats. Mm-hmm. You know, it's like they're talking about two cockroaches. He stepped on two bugs. Hoffman and his wife underwent surgery and the lawmakers homes were less than 10 miles apart Investigators say early yesterday morning Malter dressed like a police officer came out of Hortmans Hall. I look like the same fucking guy Are all latex masks? No, he wasn't not in these pictures John

Dramatically different when he puts that cowboy hat on he looks like a completely different No, he wasn't. It's not in these pictures, John. No, I'm saying. Out of Hortmans Hall. Oh, I know what you're talking about. He fired at police before escaping. He looked very dramatically different. When he puts that cowboy hat on, he looks like a completely different guy. He looks cool as hell. Yeah, he does. That guy looks fucking awesome. Jesus Christ.

Let him ride. He looks like a Taylor Sheridan character. What is that, a set of Yellowstone? What the hell? Is that Woody Harrelson in No Country for Old Man? Or is that the assassin from Minnesota? Taylor Sheridan's doing a show on him called the Porch Man. He's always at your porch murdering your family.

Land man, oil buddy. I'm Taylor Sheridan. I have 800 shows on TV. Grease pal. I have 50 shows just named after different dates. 1884, 1876, 1773, and then I have a bunch of shows just named after different sectors. Land, Land Dude, Oil Buddy, Water Guy.

Water Guy. Cowboy Man, Gas Dude, Pondfella, Pondfella. These suckers are about to pay me for 1994. Nothing in a big year. Nothing happened in 94. I'm Taylor Sheridan and I run Showtime. I'm Taylor Sheridan and I'm retarded. I'm Taylor Sheridan and Paramount Plus has my cum in their ass. Paramount Plus can't escape my grass.

I'm Taylor Sheridan and I mean their guts, a pair of mouth. Mm. Car Man, Land Buddy, Ocean Dude, Land Buddy. Taylor Sheridan's Land Buddy. Yes, he has so many shows, dude. And they're all just named after, it's like an electrician who's like a badass or something. Tundra pal.

Jungle boy. National park guy. And I don't have to watch a single one of them to know that they're the worst show. That they're horrible because you always see a clip of it on TikTok. Do you guys feel like land buddy? a single one of them to know that they're the worst show. That they're horrible, because you always see a clip of it on TikTok. Uh huh. Do you feel like land buddy? Land, you guys don't like it? What about oil dude?

Oh, you don't like gas fella? Horse homie. Horse homie. He's a Mexican that likes ponies. Lake muchacho. Taylor Swift, you're a man. You're a man. You're a man.

You're a man. You're a man. You're a man. You're a man. You're a man. You're a man. You're a man. You're a man.

You're a man. You're a man. You're a man. You're a man. You're a man. Pony homie! That likes ponies! Lake muchacho! Taylor shared his new show, Lake Muchacho. We gotta get a Spanish audience in on this. I'm just waiting for Farm Brothers. Halfway house... Halfway house hombre. halfway house halfway house ombre Taylor Sheridan shows land dogs should be really good though land dog Every day

I'll see a clip circulate like once every month of a new Taylor Sheridan show like one of the ones that we just named And it's just it's like Billy Bob Thornton and he's like he's like his like daughters tell talking about like getting fucked in the ass And Billy Bob Thornton's got a cowboy hat on he's looking at a bunch of oil like going into the sky like he's Daniel Plains He goes yeah, I'd really rather not hear about this And then you go hang out with your extended family Everybody itself the colors going you have to watch that. They always are telling you, you gotta check it out.

That one is Landman, right? It's Landman. I think that's the name. It's the name of a show called. It's called Landman. Landman. I don't even know what's going on anymore. That's crazy.

Billy Bob Thornton in Landman. It's a real show. If you go hang out with your family and they don't live in a major city, they all are telling you, you gotta watch the new season of rock dude and they when you tell me you haven't seen they react like you haven't seen the Sopranos they go you ever seen gas fella? the hell you haven't even lived yet

gas fella? have you not seen checked out gas fella? Have you not seen Checked Out Gas Fella? You're crazy. You are uncultured swine. That's crazy you haven't seen that. Taylor Sheridan's new show, Walmart Willie. He's the greeter at a Walmart. And then you go, you ever seen Sorcerer? They go, I don't watch that queer shit. What the hell?

William Fried can more like William Faggot. It's all William Faggot. They know who he is though. They know William Fried can't. They call him William Faggot. They know who he is though. They don't like freaking out. Robert Altman's a pedantic, left brained, abstract retard. Tim McShaw, yo!

Altman. They go David Lee more like David Queen. Alright, he was like a fairy. Go long, goodbye, how about you wrap it up? How about we head our separate ways? You suck. How about you wrap it up? How about we head our separate ways? You suck. (*laughter*) Fuck Peter Bogdanovich.

Last picture show my ass. All right, back to Bolter. Also learning police found a list of 70 names including other lawmakers and abortion providers in Bolter's car. That car also allegedly looked like a police car. Minnesota's Governor Tim Walz is calling the shooting a quote, act of targeted violence. And President Trump is promising persecution to the fullest extent of the law.

The FBI was offering a $50,000 reward for information leading to bolters arrest Joining us now on the phone is former DC police detective and defense attorney I spend a little time in this neighborhood in Minneapolis. Yeah, I had a friend in Champlin in Brooklyn Park Oh, this is Brooklyn Park. Yeah News contributor Ted Williams Ted We're just getting this information in in the last five minutes or so I want your your take Well what you would so far from what we know here

And this is all fluid at this time, but that there was a location where they found What they believe was The result of that law enforcement made a constant Who cares who cares there's next Who cares? Who cares? Who cares next? Thank you next. Thank you next. Well, I just want to watch Gravel Brothers.

Gravel Brothers? Is that the new Taylor Sheridan? Yeah, yeah. The new Taylor Sheridan. Swampland! Swampland! From the mind of Taylor Sheridan. Mud Kid. Swampland! From the mind of Taylor Sheridan, Mudkid. It's the one getting right through the swamp.

Electrician Eric, the new Taylor Sheridan show. From the mind of Taylor Sheridan, Mudkid, 1787. This one's, it's not really hitting, it's called Glacier Gentlemen. I don't know what it's called, I don't know why. New Taylor Sheridan show called Arid Aaron. He lives in an arid environment. His name's Arid. It's Arid.

It connects to the Sand Dudes. The Sand Dudes, yeah. That's part of the Sand Universe. It's part of the Sheridan Universe, you know. The New Taylor Sheridan Expanded Universe. The SCU? The New Taylor Sheridan Show. Swampy Sean.

Sean, he lives by the swamps. That's the whole show. Sean, he lives by the swamps. Did you see Peninsula Paul showed up at the last episode of Swampy Sean? He's fucking nuts dude. He shows up and everybody's like going crazy. Did you see Peninsula Paul showed up at the last episode of Swampy Sean? He's fucking nuts dude, he shows up and everybody's like going crazy. Yeah, crossover of the freaking century man.

Peninsula Paul gets hatched dude. Hurricane Hawk. The new show about Taylor Sheridan. Paramount Plus's 800th Taylor Sheridan show. This summer, Tsunami Tom meets Glacier Gary. But there's a comedy, Taylor Sheridan's putting out a comedy called Teddy Wears Spurs, and it's just about a man named Teddy who wears spurs

on his cowboy boots. Everything like vaguely relates to like working-class Americana, but I don't know, just they're all bad. It's terrible. Also every show, no matter what era it is, it could be, the show could be set in 2017 and there's still a wagon train getting lit on fire by Native Americans somehow. You're like, is that happening? Why do we just get scouts in 17? Yeah, there's like Cherokee shooting a wagon with a whole fire.

Aero guys on an iPhone. Yeah. You're like, this is 2020. You know what bothers me too is Billy Bob Thornton is like an utter twink. The guy's like five foot5 and like 100 pounds. Yeah. He's been told he's like this tough guy kind of.

I think he got away with it for the longest. Billy Bob is the tiniest man on earth. But he's sick. Is he like a fighter? No. He's never a fighter. He's just kind of a shit talk. Yeah, he's like a tough guy.

He's very twinkie. He's very twinkie. No, he's like a manly guy. So are most celebrities. Pretty twinkie. But if he doesn't play a football, he's like a man tough guy. He's a tough guy. He's a tough guy. He's a tough guy. He's a tough guy. He's a tough guy. He's a tough guy. He's a tough guy.

He's a tough guy. He's a tough guy. He's a tough guy. He's a tough guy. He's a tough guy. He's a tough guy. He's a tough guy. He's a tough guy.

He's a tough guy. He's a tough guy. He's a tough guy. He's a tough guy. He's a tough guy. He's a tough guy. He's a tough guy. He's a tough guy.

He's a tough guy. He's a tough guy. He's a tough guy. He's a tough guy. He's a tough guy. Jim. Man, y'all just gonna oil rigs splurred out like your mama's pussy. All right, here's a- Taylor Sharon, Larry the Cable Guy. That's an actual good name. Yeah, that would actually be a good name. A dramatic take on Larry the Cable Guy. Larry the Cable Guy. It's Leif A dramatic take on Larry the Cable Guy. Larry the Cable Guy.

It's Leif Schreiber playing Larry the Cable Guy. Well, he also, he'll start doing shows where it's just different national parks. It should be like Taylor Sheridan's Sequoia National Park, Taylor Sheridan's Yosemite. Moab. Taylor Sheridan. Taylor Sheridan.

Yes. Scion National Park This lady was this lady was going crazy with the cops and this guy it's kind of funny like can't get her He like says like you're coming. You're coming with me and he starts grabbing her and then he's like She's fat as shit. I can't even hear her. They're resisting. I'm just documenting that I'm getting pulled over. Step out of the vehicle. You are refusing the exit voluntarily. Man.

And this is a cop trying to pull me out of my vehicle. She's taking like no resist. Zero. I would have her on the highway. I'd be curb stoppingstopping her by now. If they're under an 18-wheeler. I go, man, there's a blooming onion out here. You'd be Elvis. Just get risking throw, you idiot.

She's holding onto the wheel or something. He's a shitty cop. Exit the vehicle now. She goes, wow, is this because, um, is this cuz black guys want to fuck me It does feel like he's about to get hit by a big yeah, it feels like he's about to die this feels like a final destination scene One twenty two I have no grip strength one, could you please delete all the body cams? I was like, 122, could somebody come down and pick up my badge and my gun? I quit.

122, I need my gun in my badge on your desk She really is ugly shit Burning hell Now I want you guys to tell me if this is real or not it's real this is real I'm you saying this already saying that thing it's real is this supposed to be funny or something I'm gonna say real. I'm gonna say real. I'm gonna say real too. I'm gonna say real too, but a lot of people were like, this gotta be a parody. Y'all are idiots. Stop blaming your job, your stress,

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HIMS visit today at hims.com slash hate watch. Connor and I are gonna take them right now and fuck. Thank you, HIMS. And I apologize every time I do internet voice, it's always a black guy in the comments because. That's usually what the comments are. Because like, yeah, because like, we on a generational run right now. Exactly. And that's usually what the comments are. Because like, yeah, cause like, like, we on a generational run right now.

Exactly. And we ain't, that's representation. And we ain't ever beaten the allegations. I'm just gonna start talking. Well you're not. My brain is rotting, I'm just gonna start speaking in internet form. Y'all ain't ever beaten the allegations.

We on a generational run. I would feel different. In my beautiful city, LA, the allegations we are a generational run i would be a different and my beautiful city l a and friends texting me like all morning garden show up my housekeeper didn't show up all my farmers market was closed everyone's scared well this is not going to just happen in l a

and you one percenters only voted for John to be real yeah because of money guess what you're gonna have to do your own dishes or clean your own house or mow your own lawn and kind of sounds like one of our characters her voice kind of sounds like she's one of our like like our care like like our gay characters from hell Linda lost her mind when her gardener didn't show up. Sounds and looks like Dana Carvey. It does look like Dana Carvey. It's a Dana Carvey character. Yeah, you're right. The organic produce you get for your brunches, ah ah, all gone. Yeah. This is the classic Meghan McCain gaff. These people are important. These

people are important these people are Megan McCain did the same thing on the view she was like well who's gonna clean your toilet down if it wasn't Megan McCain it was The thing is is like this is it's this thing that liberals keep doing over white liberals keep doing over and over and over again And they think it's a point, but it's really racist It's like you're trying to explain like you're humanizing them them But you're also diminishing them to like just manual labor exactly But that is real my brother called me today complaining cuz he does valet for like the LA County Hospital in Lincoln Heights Nobody's no one showing up. He makes his money off tips. Yeah, like parking cars. He's like no one's coming damn So I mean people getting injured and just being like I guess I'll wait it out It's like Mexicans aren't even getting pregnant anymore.

I can't even park their car as they go into labor. They're like, how am I supposed to live with this Lamborghini? They're not. Yeah, that is the thing. But you're right. No, Meghan McCain was on The View. You were thinking of the time she was on The View campaigning for more P.F. Changs in Phoenix.

I forgot about that. She was, yeah. She lives in a P.F. Changs. She's obsessed with pfj She lives in a pfj. She sleeps in a cot in the kitchen the honey walnut chicken She's obsessed with the lettuce wrap, but we know she's rapping those more than lettuce I've seen I've seen her that bitch. It's her eyes. She's so fat. She's putting in between two buns. Yeah Missing a bun. She's making burgers out of lettuce

You make the lettuce wrap and you're like, it's missing a bun. She's making burgers out of lettuce wraps. So like I did eight lettuce wraps. Yeah, can I get also, can I get a lot of buns? Can I get 12 buns on the side for my lettuce wraps? A lot of bacon. Did you guys see, I was going to make a sandwich. Can you bring grilled cheese on the side and make grilled cheese buns with lettuce wraps? And then can I do a Mott Steaks?

Did you guys see Schwarzenegger on The View and he like didn't he like he either they're like so the the illegal immigration horrible and he was like no they need to call and i'm not going to work hard to do have a and abyssal reaction to what they doing when i said you know when you see the videos of it well tell you that you said that uh... immigrant i'm so proud and happy i was in place I'm so proud and happy that I was embraced by the American people like that. By my maid who I fucked.

I mean, imagine they came over here with the age of 21. The only woman that should be not as important as my maid. But she embraced my penis with her pussy. Nothing makes me more welcome than... My cum. Nothing would make me welcome! The cum! Racing with absolutely nothing. A Mexican boy in Vegas field.

And then to create a career like that. I mean in no other country in the world could you do that. Every single thing. He was the first wall guy. The first wall guy. The first what? The first guy that like come up with the idea of like let's build a wall. Yeah. do that every single thing if you do that one career if it's made what the first guy like come up with the idea of like let's build a wall yeah yeah he did that like way back well before Trump like yeah he was the California one he's a

Republican yeah Republican yeah what are they but the views retarded the views retarded Korea becoming governor the beautiful family that ever did all of this is because of America. That's true. And so this is why I'm so, so happy to see firsthand that this is the greatest country in the world and this is the land of opportunity. That being said, fuck beaners.

And I think because I'm such a proud American and a proud immigrant, they came to America, I was asked to do on July 4th a big speech, the keynote speech at Mount Vernon, where George Washington was made to rest, where he lived and all that, to celebrate the tour. They're just like, m'cock! It's an honor to be here with you hens. All the cocking is great.

Some of those famous hens. Grainless birds. You guys woke me up this morning with a cocking. 50th anniversary of America, the existence of America. And I will be doing the speech that they asked me because I'm an immigrant. And there will be 7,000 people there. existence of america now we're busy in the speech to the as we because i'm an immigrant and people be will be the more like a predator every single day i think it will be people to be sworn in

it will become citizens he's not that it's kind of a it's perfect but you said it's not the government it's not it's a little bit freaks the fuck out. Where's Carl Weathers?

He goes, kill me, kill me, come do it. Japanese guy cuts his hand. No, no, no, the camera pans over and there's a Native American cutting his chest. Oh my goodness. You know they called her Whoopi, Whoopi got her name Whoopi because she kept farting all the time back then? It's true. Yeah, I'm pretty sure of her. That's so funny. She's gotta be a crazy farter now.

She looks like she's having a wild ass farter. She looks like she's lost weight actually. She's really, yeah, she looks really small. But this is all about is to celebrate people becoming Americans and coming to America and so I just think the world of the great kind of history that we have with immigrants in America but the key thing also is at the same time that we got to do things legal. That is the important thing you know. So we got to do things legal. Five men went into the jungles in Costa Rica and only one came out. Only one legally.

Five men, five special forces commandos went into the jungles of Costa Rica and only one emerged. And those people that are doing illegal things in America and they're the foreigners, they are not smart. these people are doing illegal things in America they are fucking me you're a guest and you have to behave like a guest like when I go to someone's house and I'm a guest then they will do everything I can keep things clean. He's standing on business. He's preaching what he thinks. He's standing on business. I love the gradual arm grip.

Trying to touch him and to stop him. If I come into your house and I start selling bacon wrapped hot dogs, you can kick me out. Something like that. So that doesn't really work in this country. So I think the important thing is when you become an immigrant to think about okay i go to america because i want to use america for the great opportunities that america has to have in education charles and getting a family all of those kind of things because i guess that's what i was a man of a if i get all of those things from america

then i have to give something back but you have a responsibility as an immigrant to give back to amer, pay back to America, beautiful pen, for your community for no money whatsoever give something back to after school program. Jeff development. For example my maid she gave me back pussy. The great thing with that maid by the way like he gave her a house and like sent him off into the desert.

He even took her walking into the desert. He smokes doggies you know. Yeah that kid looks so much more like him than his own son doesn't he? I believe I saw him at the arts, no at Crown Work. Really? You saw Arnold? I'm almost sure that I saw the Mexican Arnold Mexican Arnold. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that I saw him. I

Didn't confirm but man if it wasn't him Wow, yeah, his white lotus something looks more like a Kennedy. Yeah He's a twink He's a stud wait wait he's not twigging at all. Oh, is he? He's a fucking, he's a stud. Wait, wait. He's not like- I thought he was skinny. He's not skinny. He's pretty built. Oh, is he? He's pretty built, yeah.

He's tall. No, no, he's not. He might be like, you know, shredded. I mean, he's kinda like Army Hammer a little bit. He's pretty big, though. Can we see him? He's way bigger than Army Hammer. Can we see him?

No, really? Because Mexican Schwartz is actually jacked. Oh, I believe that. Mexican Schwartz is more Schwartz. Let's see. Whose kid? Patrick Schwartz. Patrick Schwartz

Yeah, he's jacked the Patrick Schwarzenegger nude body picture he's nothing not a twink Looks like a huge twink in that I go shirtless. Oh wait a minute. Oh, what the heck? Okay, but go to Mexican Schwartz, yeah, look at Mexican Mexican Schwartz and it literally comes Fucking huge. Oh, yeah He was bigger But his both sons are jacked no, he's got the Arnold genetics though He looks in the face way more like yeah So he's the best one

He's the best one. Please daddy. I want you to rotate today And that's why that's why I needs to back off because this is what we get when we let Mexicans stay I told you we get Mexican tour our future the future of this country is Latino Our future the future of this country is Latino Dan dude look at look at main shorts that guy looks cool barreling down on Tehran in about three years What's he up to what does that sound do? Yeah, he makes Arnold's bed nice Schwartz

I believe that I saw my he was talking to guys who are making a documentary about they were trying to like rope him in to making a documentary about you know being the Mexican's horse and anger base nice and he was like okay yeah I'll do it but I want to promote like he has like things that he's trying to promote he I overheard like a huge conversation about it actually. And he was trying to like, he has some committee, he's something that he's trying to promote. I can't remember exactly what it was but. Do you think his kids like hang out? Like you think Patrick and this guy are.

No, no, no, no, actually no. I think I looked into this and I think they don't at all. They probably don't like that their dad. Cause did he have, when he was the governor, did he have the kid? Did that governor did he have the kid do that happen When did that happen? I believe it's after he was governor really no no he had the kid while governor But they but nobody knew about it until it was after What a thing to hide

It's so impressive actually Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver marriage ended when Maria filed for divorce in 2011 the reason for their split was due to Arnold Having an affair. Wait, this is the woman he fucked. I mean you gotta find her. You know, let's look at her Yeah, I don't know what she looked like 20 years ago doesn't look promising but With the family's house, I mean she looks that was the hottest chick in the world I guarantee it No, I think she was she looked like so that's mildred the European guys fall for the latina shit He's still she's still fucking an Austrian hillbilly, and he got one little sense of spy girl up in the mountains He's in the south of the made is cleanest Horned yeah, Austrian women. Oh, yeah, so it's come up. He's come out of is cleaning stuff up, he's horned. Yeah. Dude, Austrian women are probably... She still stole his cum. Yeah.

She stole his cum! She sucked his cum out of his balls. She stole his cum. No, come on. So, shorts and egg or fuck Danny Straho? Yeah, she stole... She stole his... She must have been the sexiest woman of all time.

That's crazy. Devin, get off this. She's an ugly woman. Look up Interprime. No, there she is, Interprime. I'm telling you, there's just something about Mexican women where it doesn't really matter how weird looking they are. That's not even Interprime.

You're kind of like, there's just a they are. That's not even her problem. There's just a sexual people. That's not even her problem either. He's a little Austrian fucking farm boy and he fell for that little dose of fucking Tahini. She was insanely hot. I bet you she was like fucking crazy body. Dope ass. It was between the carving knife or the butter knife.

That's very good. He was going back and forth. He goes I'm going to butter my bread with this. Between the carving knife or the butter knife It was the corn dog or the Lotte She's ugly that is not a woman you Cool yes Fucking knew it she has titties typing young big spicy titties Yeah, no not worth it Really not worth it. She had the kid That's Arnie's kid right there with his long hair already, so she says pregnancy way. We gotta find her in her prime. This is very important actually. Go, Earl, Earl's mane.

Wait, wait, wait. This is it. This is it. Right here, right here, right here. Jesus Christ. No, are you kidding me? Dude, that's a hug. She looks like she's in one of Happy Gilmore's nightmares. You're not in a fed. She's fucking him against the wall like he's, she's raping him. Please, no! Please, oh God! I'm just going to stay right in the shot hole.

Remember him in the fighting pit in Conan where the guy's hitting him with the leather fucking bracer and he's mad. She stole his cum. She stole his cum like that witch. Arnold couldn't resist banging fucking Eric Roberts. She stole his cum and he's now considered the villain. I Hate that now. I can't believe I never kicked the friggin thoughts. She must have been a wild woman She stole his she must have done a lot

Innocent man who's a horny innocent man in your own sauna is a horny innocent man and your maid comes in Flickin her being scorn. I mean who's gonna be that man? It's really just all depends on the day you're horny and she wants it And you go comment right in he's like he's trying to pull out She makes machine guns out. She's trying to pull out and come on her back. She's table gripping. She's like vanishing him.

She's vanishing him. She's tapped his neck. And she goes, huh, okay, I'll see you. I'll see you in 18 years. Imagine how horrible that Christmas was for Arnold. He walks into their house, there's like 40 of her fucking cousins there. They all want to meet the Terminator. Yeah.

God, he's sitting there, he's just like, fuck. She actually got better looking with him. In a weird way. Yeah, dude. Look at that little shit. Look at that little swamp monster. They made a cute kid. He's cute. You guys are pedophiles. That's a sexy look.

You're a pedophile. That's crazy. That's a hot kid. If I had to fuck somebody in this picture. Gun to my head if I had to pork one of these guys. Oh dude, dude. Dude, that's the shit man. In the in the 90s men were losing everything over the yeah most mid bitches of all time Oh my god, that's a Monica. Oh my god She's a Monica Lewinsky time. Oh, I don't know what's going on the 90s. I guess people were just like

Yonica Malisa Not even a name Yolanda Lewinsky Yonica was better. I think Yonica. Yeah, I guess so But yeah, this is there was something going on in the 90s were like they just couldn't find like wild bus So they would have to like deal with these like Krusty the Clown bitch Yeah, you got like Eddie Murphy getting tranny you know you like ruin your whole you're the president You're like I got sucked off by Krusty the clown and I'll ruin I'll ruin all fucking country

Give a shit. I'm a stick of cigar up Krusty's pussy. I Mean this is not a woman you you you don't control yourself I'm kind of amazed that he was I totally forgot cuz I remember the governor sign remember those has come in her bed I have a kind of a nice how good he looked when he was governor. That's kind of crazy He's the coolest governor of all time look at Maria Shriver. I'd love to fucking open a can with her face Look at the hell man a sharp face. Look at how sharp that face is Jesus. That is a gorgeous face He's I don't really I don't know give a shit. I don't think, I don't think. You were saying he was gorgeous, you were like, admiring how sharp the jaw was.

No, I was making fun of her comparing her face to an object. I see, there's gotta be other photos. I thought it was, I thought it was a hot face. I was comparing her. God damn it. Arnold's really never had sex with anybody hot. Dude, he could've like. He's like a, good God.

No, he was fucking very hot women in the 80s. Oh, for sure. Yeah, come on. Was he, this is his taste? Yes. His mid. I don't buy it. Maybe him fucking her was like, he's tired of tins. Fucking very hot women in the 80s. Oh, come on. Was he this is his test Maybe him fucking her was like he's got he's tired of 10s. I don't buy tired of 10s He's like I need that fucking spicy five that'll do everything shells and dove onto his boner while he was asleep Hard I don't buy it man. What a waste Like freaking Hard I don't buy it man. What a waste. He's always been like freakish looking though. What's he had a really tiny?

I've actually seen this cock really it's huge you sock Arnold's to talk. Yeah, it's out there really a lot He's running around like what are you talking about big? See it all the time. Yeah, it's a see it every day Yeah, you cut it in line at your cafe the other day what I was talking about the guy with the face tattoos Huh? Fuck you all I was trying to make myself a guy with the face tattoos that you cut in line at the cap Like around town and shit no, I always like I want oh is like a picture John boy, oh boy. What the hell are sticking up a storm help the way I am. What the fuck was that man?

That was nothing bro. Just wait. Do you even know? Wait till you see what's coming. Do you even know what you meant? Wait till you see what's coming. Do you even know what you meant by that? Do you know what you meant? Yeah, I was saying like you see it around town. I wanna break it down, cause we're talking about Arnold Schwarzenegger's penis, and then you made a call back to like an episode, maybe five episodes ago, to like an anecdotal story

about Joey getting in a confrontation with a guy at a coffee shop. Yeah, that could break it down. Saying that's Arnold's penis. Why would it be? We kept talking about you see it all the time. But at least like I once. But you only said like I once. Yeah, but I was saying like you see it around town and now you're cut. I don't know man trying to make the connection here

Let me I like it. We spin it. I liked it No, it won't even spin on it. We like super glue that to his fucking head or something. Oh fucking kill you I'm actually I'm gonna try and like back John up here. Let's keep the trust I'm gonna try and like back John up here. Let's keep let's Trust Let's unpack sure sure okay, so Joey was saying that he sees Arnold's cock all the time Yes, and then I said what do you like see it around town and then the why would seeing it around? Related and then because you made it sound like you see it like And then I said what you cut it, like it's a person personified. That was a funny joke. You could have ended it there. I just talked all the time, right? Yeah.

And then I said, what, you cut it in line at the cafe last week or something? Yeah. So here's what I would make. Maybe if we could bridge the gap, if like maybe the story was about like an Austrian or German guy that cut him in line. What is the-

Oh, maybe some like tie between the two people or- I'm not, what is the seeing it all the time? No, listen, dude. Wait, hold on. Did Joey say he sees that guy in line all the time? No. So there's not even that gonna help. Well, you did say you might see him again

No, I didn't you were kind of starting to think you're just a big fat read I'm just gonna say okay That's incredible. I got absolutely nothing. That's fucking beautiful. I got absolutely nothing. That's beautiful. I got absolutely nothing. God.

Sometimes you just... You're moving, by the way, aren't you? Oh yeah, I'm going to... I'm finally leaving the damn office. Moving in with your boyfriend. Moving in with my boyfriend, who's way hotter than your boyfriend. He's the sexiest girl in the world.

You're going from the office to the... Don't say where I'm moving. That you're living in the lobby now. I'm living in the lobby, yeah. Moving on down to the lobby. I'm moving that you're living in the lobby now. I'm living in the lobby I'm moving to the sewers guys. I'm gonna be down Now I'm moving getting out of the office. Yeah, it's finally going in with a place of the bathroom That's gonna be a big you're gonna. I your life is gonna be you know it's funny. I'm weird anxieties I'm like I clean the toilet. Oh my god

I have weird anxieties. I'm like I clean the toilet. Oh my god Anxiety about it by a toilet paper you drive a motorcycle. Yeah, it's weird. It's gonna. It's gonna be so easy to clean It's just like yeah, you get the brush, but it's weird. It's like I've never had you know anything in my life And now I'm like well I should buy like a night like I might whenever I move somewhere before I'd get like the shittiest stuff You know and now I can like get nicer stuff, but now with that I can't do a bunch of stuff at the same time. I know Just take it. I gotta get like a nice toilet brush. No you don't What are you I want a nice one you scrape shit with it?

I want a $30 toilet brush in like a $9 toilet brush. Are we gonna show it off to people? Like the house guests? You walk out and they just- I want like a $30 toilet brush and like a $9 toilet brush, you know what I mean? Hey, you get yourself that, man. Get yourself. Yeah. You know what I mean? I wanna get like two ply.

Yeah. You know? Sure, yeah. And then like- I love that buying toilet paper is gonna be new for you. That's awesome. It is, isn't that crazy? It's something you only tell with paper towel.

I love that shit related devices are the only thing he's looking forward to buying. No, but also like- And he should be. I gotta buy an ottoman. I gotta buy an ottoman at this point. I love that shit related devices are the only thing he's looking forward to In this point I got my an ottoman cuz I have space to put my feet up Yeah, so you keep the day bed as a as a as a couch Yeah, but my day bed is fucking sick get a bed. No, no, no, I have a well I have a studio so I'm just gonna get I have I have the IKEA for Hettin It's a actually an incredible furniture a piece of furniture It's an incredibly comfortable couch and it's an incredibly comfortable bed

I feel that John is now institutionalized like Brooks from Shawshank production He's gonna have a bathroom, but it's gonna use the sink to like cook beef Yeah, no, I'm actually very excited I realize there's so many things that we're holding back. He's gonna be making like toilet wine and yeah. I'm making Bruno, my new studio. No, I realized like my life would be so much easier. What's the name of your dope doctor self, but what? Downtown LA, I'm moving to Downtown LA.

Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna be staying at Downtown LA. Do you have a gym? Yeah, I have a gym. Pool? Pool. Parking spot? Parking spot? Dope-est bodega on earth.

The nicest liquor store near me. Insanity. Parking spot and a huge guest parking lot. You had a huge guest parking lot. It's great. Huge guest parking lot. Sick. We gotta come over and check out the toilet.

Yes, it's gonna be love and toilet. The toilet cleaner. Hey guys, come over, I gotta show you something. You guys, look, I washed my hands for the first time Myers soap dude it's stressful I might get one ASAP ball with them full Myers's just great, relax. You need to get a, what about TV? You need a TV? Fuck yeah dude.

Nice. Big old TV. Yeah, coffee table. Big old TV. Mount it. I think I'm just gonna, yeah, I'm gonna get a coffee table, but I think I'm just gonna.

Get a TCL. These Chinese TVs are actually like. TVs are so cheap, bro. They're so cheap. Whatever it is, as long as it's. And the one that I got is so big, like the quality's perfect. I actually feel like such a piece of shit the most piece of shit thing

I've ever done right like you know I don't Not value what you know the cut what a dollar is but I had that I had that TV It was like a $300 TV. It was like fine through the street. Well. No one would take it I was asking people for like months if anyone wanted it. No one wanted it was it was taking up It was taking no no, no one, people, even the poorest people I know. The poorest people I know are like, no, I don't need a TV retard.

I live in my tee. People like sleep on their 65 inch tee. People live in squalor, but they have a 65 inch tee. So no one cared. But it kind of made me crazy though, cause I remember growing up and I was like, a TV was like the most valuable thing You could ever get I know it so there was one day where I just go like I just put it out my street

I go free TV. Nobody cares. It was taken immediately. We're gonna go buy a Chinese Interest and it costs 200 bucks. Well, I don't really watch TV. That's the thing cuz I've lived there I never had a TV in my Years, I had my little CRT TV. Yeah, I don't really watch TV. I also don't like use my toilet or shower Toothbrush never brush my teeth. I'm gonna really bake either Don't get me started on baking I'll be 50,000 pounds. I mostly eat onions Straight like an apple. I love the onions you do you your diet is that of like a skate prisoner? Yeah, you know those prisoners when they get back and they finally get their first apartment

They're like they have like their shop in their apartment There's like a bunch of chocolate bars lined up really neatly in their apartment like soaps and so you're the only guy I know that's like I'm having a cheese sandwich and some damn onions I'm hitting the road with my nap shag cheese sandwich and some damn onions and then I'm hitting the ropes my napshake I'm excited I need some help moving at the pool okay moving I just gotta move a couch and a chair. You gotta take your toilet cleaner. It's gonna be incredibly easy just a couch and a chair okay the couch comes apart. Do you have a truck?

I'm gonna get a truck. Wait imagine this day John rents a big U-Haul truck and he opens up the back and it's makes all that noise. And I'm living in it. It makes all that noise and then John grabs one toilet brush and he throws it in the back. He heads to his new home. Like he's like in one of the clampets. Like I'm the loser. Yeah, you're in the Beverly Hill building. He's like, boy, we are moving up.

No, it's gonna be good. I got my own toilet to clean! I watched The Jerk last night, actually. I do not like that movie at all. What do you mean? It is not funny. What? Really? I haven't seen it recently, but I used to crack me up.

Yeah, I watched it. The Jerk's from Astro Pay. I watched it within the last year, and I was like, eww. And I love Steve Martin. You watched it on a tube TV with a dragon lady screaming in your ear. Hahaha. No, I liked the trick. There's so many great little gags in the jerk that are so funny.

That's the thing though, I know where John's coming from. The trick is so funny. It's way too long, but there's- Now. In between, there's amazing- It's now and a half. It's a masterpiece. Well, there's a lot of like, fab, but there's like amazing gags in it, I think.

Yeah, I mean when the guy's like trying to kill him and he's running away from him- He's f***ing c*** He's fucking cat and he runs in He runs into the carnival personnel only and the guy right chasing was like So funny, yeah, the serial killer just going through the phone book and he's like John John Johnson sounds like a real There's so many Chokes that will never not be fun. You don't like that John. I'm more of a dirty around the scoundrels guy I like I like Steve Martin, but I don't think he could be like a lead You know like I like a watch three amigos because he's just not leading man He's not one of the most famous comedic actors of all time. I love Steve Martin. I've listened to his master class You know like I got a watch three of me goes he's just not leading man

See Martin I've listened to his master class. He's amazing He's an amazing guy, but I think like three of me better when he's like a company I think you're the most beloved on the podcast and you might be doing crazy damage to your image Martin I don't like the jerk the jerk is the jerk is the best thing one of his most iconic Just inherently him thinking Rich any rebuilds same house. It's a terrible language. I think the jerk's like a fantastic. Johnny will rewatch it like he was in a bad mood. I mean just the physical gag to car rider being like because his eyes are fucked up and he goes I yelled cut too late and then they show the car flying off the cliff and he goes cut

because if my eyes were okay those actors would have lived that day. Oh, the glasses. That's great. The difference between shit and Shinola is one of the greatest things ever. He explains to his son, white Steve Martin, he goes, here's the difference between shit and Shinola, all right? That shit, he's pointing at like cow shit on the ground. And he goes, that watch?

That's Shinola. He goes, shit on the ground. And he goes, that watch, that's John Noll. He goes, that's the difference. He goes, you understand that? Your whole life is gonna be good. Maybe John would like the jerk of Joey with Steve Martin. And then he hears the end of the lesson, and he goes, okay, and then he steps right into the shit. He's completely missed the lesson.

It's a masterpiece. What was going on the day you watched it where you just like. I don't remember, I just, I remember, I think I watched it expecting something different because to me it was like a collection of skits. You just couldn't stop thinking about your toilet and the new brush you got.

No, this was like last, this was like months ago. John's all distracted while watching, he just keeps looking at this tarbit bag full of a new toilet brush. That's the only thing, I can't buy anything from Target. But also, John. Target sucks ass John actually my my favorite thing about comedy movies And I think this is a good take is that a comedy movie should be an hour and a half of standalone Sketches that have a narrative through it well

I saw that I saw what any scene independently me like that's fucking I saw more There's certain movies that figured out the through line And I think my problem was I didn't watch. No, but there's still so many scenes that are super bad that if you had no context, you'd watch that scene and it's still hilarious. Yeah, but there's a naturalism to certain comedy. But then there's other movies, like Friendship,

for example, is really funny, but it just feels like a never-ending sketch. I don't like that criticism of Friendship, because you could say that about Dumb and Dumber. It's an endless sketch of, know dumb number perfect example of like if you've never seen the movie show someone like seen it's a through and through great edge I'm saying those are great comedies yes so friendship though is to dumb and dumber has a better plot than friendship

no first of all a great point is a. Dumb and Dumber is, in my opinion, one of the greatest. Fritz had a great plot, too. Dumb and Dumber is the greatest comedy ever made. Dumb and Dumber is amazing. I think so, too. I think Dumb and Dumber and, well, that's, I think my problem is I was watching the end result of what The Jerk probably started, which is that kind of format of comedy movie. And I was used to, I grew up with like Dumb and Dumber, like The guy fucking you know like Tropic Thunder I was used to like the the final version of faces of death live Lake Chinese guys

getting their heads blown off by sewer domains moon light you know the list goes on I think we fucking nailed this up I think so too yeah well we love you we love you all God bless you all. God bless you all. Everyone keep supporting the Patreon because John needs a toilet brush. I need a toilet brush. I'm really up against the wall here. We have no idea that this is such a, he gets stressed out about which toilet brush

he's gonna buy and he can't go to Target. We already heard him. He can't go to fucking Target. You're too big for Target now? No, it's just everything I bought from Target sucks ass. Because I always, well, a bad thing is every time I move into a place, I go to Target and I get the shitty bowls.

That's your fault Yeah, I have good toilet brushes at Target. Yeah, I'm gonna get I'm gonna get a they have the cheapest one the method target I'm gonna buy the method and Mossimo and good fellow you get a good fellow You get some good fellow some fellow shirts. It's a Mossimo pants and get some I'll be soap and you're good to go I'll be fine. I'll be fine. It'll be the just like you go ask somebody to open up the deodorant section Cool up your move you steal the natives you shove the natives in your pants and you run out You know, I really want a cop and the cops you know what I really want Can I do you just pull up at the end of the episode?

And I want this there's this green onion. It's like a giant green onion coat hanger. That's another green onion It's seven thousand dollars seven do it. It's $7,000. Seven do it. It's the one thing I've always wanted. What is this? I saw this in a museum of functional art and I've been thinking about it for years. It was in Atlanta. Do you wanna put this on now?

Look at that, that's it. Scallion coat rack, I've wanted that forever. This is the, it's like really tall. It's a coat rack, it's very tall. That is cool, I like it a lot. That's cool as shit. That's really cool. $7,000.

I like that I think it's on sale for five you throw it on the bar what if I just had that in my place yeah I think everything I think all the onion man that is kind of funny that you're in guy you're so twisted mind is the onion that you're... Onion guy. From the twisted mind of Tony. It's kind of funny. The John off is the onion man. You're so fat you want all the furniture in your home to be food oriented. Yeah. Very good.

Right folks? That's me. Good night. No, we're not leaving. I'm going. You're cruel. We just got into this. You're fucked up.

I happen to be going. I think we have like a great like second window. No, I'm going to You want to go like Ben Avery mode and just get out of here you got the next five hours Let me let me do the little Ben's live stream. So listen fucking the Jews are