Hate Watch with Devan Costa - If I Abused Amber: A Johnny Depp Interview

Episode Date: June 6, 2022

Johnny Depp tries to explain how he would have abused Amber but is too drunk and high to finish a sentence. That's if he did it, of course. Get weekly bonus episodes: https://www.patreon.com/HateWatchPodcast Join the Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/hatewatchpod/ Available on all platforms. Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/hate-watch-with-devan-costa/id1459356319 Follow the pod on Twitter: https://twitter.com/Hate_watch_pod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hatewatchpod/ Follow on Twitter: https://twitter.com/devancosta Follow on IG: https://www.instagram.com/devanjamescosta/  

I hate you, I hate you, I don't even know you, and I hate you nuts, I hope all the bad things in life happen to you and nobody else but you. Welcome to the Hate Watch Podcast. Once again, we are, we've had a good week how's your week been johnny uh it's been great yeah yeah working a lot uh you know just hanging out doing my thing you know fighting a lot you're finally getting better i'm doing jiu-jitsu it's it's going well i'm getting better i'm feeling some like you know uh increase in my abilities you know and uh yeah it's nice you're telling me that you're now able to

tap out a lot of the twinks. I have not tapped out anyone, but I'm getting better at defense. You're able to hold twinks in side control. Hold twinks in side control. That's the main goal. You want to be able to

control a twink on the street. Make them do things you want to do. Trying to win the able to. Is being able to control a twink on the street. You know what I mean? Make them do things you want to do. Trying to win the bear versus otter. The bear versus otter, like the eternal war. The eternal war that's happened. You're going to rape me somewhere. That's the plan.

Johnny the twink tapper. Yeah. Johnny the twink, yeah. The twink submitter. So you're known on the street. Well, did you guys, I guess, I mean, did you guys see that, like, there was a, they, the Amber Heard, Johnny Depp trial kind of wrapped up. I guess it's done. I don't.

I'm so sick of talking about it. It's like so boring. Who cares at this point, you know? It's disgusting. But we might as well talk about it. We do. Johnny Depp is here with us. We got Johnny Depp.

Right now. Yeah. Hello. He's got a, there's a, it looks like he brought some snow with him or something. He's got a little It looks like he brought some snow with him or something. Is that cocaine? It's a white Christmas here. Oh, gee, Johnny.

Whoa. It's a big bag. It's a big bag of Coke. That's a lot of fucking Coke, Johnny. Where do you get your Coke from, Johnny? Dior. Definitely Dior. It's part of his contract.

It was in my contract. Okay. You've been celebrating that. You've been celebrating that, right? They handed down the verdict. You won. You won $15 million. You lost two, though.

So you netted 13 so you netted 13 you netted 13 you know you're no longer living off cat food well the one thing that you know came out from

from you know all of this is she is now technically allowed to say that I I beat her

I guess I mean that's part of the that was she's allowed to do I didn't her. I guess. I mean. That's part of the, that was, she's allowed to do. I didn't, I didn't see that part of the truth. Oh, really? That's like in the contract? Was that, is that, was that, he is, you're really, you're really celebrating this, aren't you?

But in a weird way, kind of very. I kind of want to. Kind of in your own head. I want to slow down, but it's a big win. It's a big win. He can do what he wants. He's also drinking cheap wine. I know.

I figured that, you know, I got away with that. I could pretty much get away with anything now. Wait, wait, wait. You got away with it? What do you mean you got away with it? What does that mean? Are you? What?

Certainly not. Nothing ever happened. I was. You were defamed. I was I was... You were defamed. I was defamed. You were defamed. Right. So just careful what you say

because we are on a podcast. I think the next house you live in, no more stairs. You know? The stairs got you in a lot of trouble. It seemed like, all right, you're not really listening. You're taking swigs of wine.

This is interesting. Where exactly am I right now? This is Silver Lake, Los Angeles It's a nice little neighborhood You're on a podcast, the Hate Watch podcast It looks familiar I did take like ten pills of ecstasy And drank about a thousand Red Bulls

Oh god Your heart must be fucking strained How do you do that? Oh, God, it's beating out of his chest. You look like you're in Fallout Boy, too, by the way. Yeah. It's an interesting outfit. You were actually, this is when you won,

you were in England singing at the Royal Albert Hall with Jeff Beck. Yes, Mr. Beck. This is you. How long ago was this? This was like 17 hours ago, wasn't it? Not that long ago. Yes, Mr. Beck. This is you. How long ago was this? This was like 17 hours ago, wasn't it? Not that long ago. You probably haven't slept.

I took a private jet back to be somewhere, and I still am not sure where I'm at. We'll show you. We'll get you home. You really need somebody to write your lines for you. Keep it in that Coke. Yeah, give him a little more energy. Can you do more Coke?

Do a little more of the Coke. This is a little ridiculous. I can't believe you're on the lack of energy. Uppers and downers. Yeah, it's wild. Well, it seems like the wine's slowing you down, but the ecstasy and the Coke, you need to do more. And the Red Bull.

And the Red Bull. Yeah. There was a running joke that it doesn't matter what drug or alcohol I've been consuming, I still speak in slow motion. Yeah. You're in molasses. I really love you. Would you spit it out? I mean, Jesus Christ.

I respect you so much. What a dollar. But being in your presence now, I'm kind of getting like violently angry and I can understand why Amber might have thrown a few punches at you. It's frustrating. It's frustrating.

It's hard to talk to. You're a frustrating person to speak to. Because I want the info, but it's just taking so long. But it just takes forever. Well, growing up in Kentucky. Oh, here we go. Oh, Johnny.

How'd you get, I mean, where's the accent come from? You're in Kentucky. Yeah, what the fuck? Why do you speak like some sort of fucking English person? Kentucky, France? Like, what's going on? Yeah, what's the European, what part of Kentucky is this? Oh, God. You can't even ask on? Yeah, what's the European... What part of Kentucky is this? Oh, God.

You can't even ask me that question. He's hammered. Unbelievable. Give him a break, guys. When I was in, you know, growing up in Kentucky, you know... Yes, we get it. You're from Kentucky.

You don't have to start at your birth. God damn it. It's the Kentucky. You don't have to start at your birth. God damn it. This is the same way you acted on The Stand. It was like your fucking Inside the Actors interview. Can you stop yelling at me, Mr. Rottenborn? You're not in court, Johnny. I'm not in court anymore.

Johnny, it's over. Yeah, you're safe. The nightmare is over. You're safe. You won. The one thing that we can say for sure with absolute certainty is that she was the only one that gave a shit in our relationship. He never cared. That's very good.

That's very good, Johnny. We know you were a big fan. Oh, because he shit on the bed. Yeah, that's good. Oh, he shit on the bed. John, you know. My father got that. Oh, because he shit on the bed. Yeah, that's good. Oh, he shit on the... He, John, you know. My father got that. It was definite human fecal matter. Definitely.

No, I believe, I know. I think everybody... Her claims were correct. Why don't you put a little more on that? Yeah, there's like a fentanyl kind of... Yeah, also, is that clean? You're not worried about dying? You're good.

You're a beast. Seeing as I was able to... I can't coke. Joey just did some. Since I was in Kentucky, I... Maybe we should just skip to another topic. Skip to the hockey stuff. What does that have to do with anything?

Who cares? I started doing drugs in Kentucky when I was three. I know when it asked. I have not died yet, so I figured I might be immortal. That mic is way too close to me. I'm sorry. All right. Jeez.

Okay. He's a little aggressive already. Jesus Christ. I'm agitated. All right, let's just... I thought your name was cleared in the court of public opinion and in court, but... You're irritated. You're a little irritated, I can tell.

Should we continue watching him sing? I mean... Did you enjoy this performance? I did, actually. It reminded me of when I was... When I was... It actually reminded me of when I was... This is you.

Wow, you're pretty good. Look at you go. Wow. You learned all that in Kentucky, huh? look at you go wow you learned all that in kentucky that was right after um you were born in kentucky discovering that i i won i'm still in shock over it to be honest yeah yeah this is all shock i mean we should say congratulations how did you deal with your hangovers throughout the trial i mean you guys it's 8 a.m start times it's a lot of work in in my life experienced um i hang over as as as others have described it you know i i as others okay because i think he probably just keeps drinking you drink through it isn't isn't any hour happy hour? Yeah. Very good. Very good. Very good.

You know, get some more coke in your system. Yeah, I want to see. Somebody, can we get like a screenwriter in here so he could fucking be interesting? What a dullard Johnny Depp is. You know. I mean, so this is the verdict. It came in.

It'd be funny if it was like, Life! For both! It'd be funny if it was like, life for both! Mr. Depp's claim against Ms. Hurd. One, as to the statement appearing in the online op-ed entitled, Amber Hurd, I spoke up against sexual violence and faced our culture's wrath. That has to change.

In the Washington Post online edition, quote, I spoke up against sexual violence and faced our culture's wrath. That has to change, end quote. Do you find that Mr. Depp has proven all the elements of defamation? Answer, yes. Has Mr. Depp proven... How's that?

Is that a nice feeling after all the work? As I spoke up from before, I really didn't care whether I won or lost. I wanted the trial to be public and for everyone to know. to be public and for everyone to know, I certainly have never struck anyone, any female in my life, going back to Kentucky. I don't know what you're obsessed with.

You're really into fucking Kentucky. You're astounded that you're from Kentucky. It's unbelievable to you. And you keep doing coke off a knife. Yeah, it's fine. I'm still on UK time, so I need a little... A jet lag.

That's a huge bag of coke, though. That's the biggest amount of coke I've ever seen. There's a lot of fiber in coke. Oh, yeah. It's like a Guinness. It's good. Yeah, it's like a Guinness. It's like surprises. There's some good stuff in it. Some probiotics. Now, yeah. It's like a Guinness. It's good. Yeah, it's like a Guinness. It's like surprises. There's some good stuff and some probiotics.

Now, Johnny, knowing that you won this case, do you ever, do you have any, do you have any regrets of maybe just not, like, even,

like, you could have maybe killed her and got away with it. Yeah, maybe you could have done more. Could have done more. Could have stabbed her. Well, we gotta be careful

legally, like, don't answer. Allegedly, allegedly. Also, let's just use the O. Could have done more. Could have stabbed her. Well, we got to be careful legally. Like, don't answer. Allegedly, allegedly. Also, let's just use the OJ Simpson thing. Okay, so if you did beat the shit out of Amber Heard and penetrate her with a whiskey bottle, how would you have done it? Vodka bottle.

I mean, I don't know what bottle was used. Because, yeah, it didn't happen, but if it did. You don't even drink vodka, so that's a bullshit. That's a lie. is is is not bad um but but if i was going to um abuse her um i would definitely hit her in the face over and over and over with my rings um but just enough to where she could easily cover it up with makeup. Bruise kit. Right. Bruise kit.

Absolutely. And I would definitely headbutt her after I balled my fist back. I would definitely. And as my fist was back. You could do like a one-two. Fake her out. Fake her out. Fake her out, yeah. Oh, you're feinting a punch, and so she's dodging the punch.

Yeah, you threaten to punch her, and then you see her go like... And then that really satisfies the psychos. Then she's on the ground. Then what would you do? Yes, and then... Would you kick her a few times? Then, of course, I would, you know... I would, you know, I would I would, you know Jesus fucking Christ. When I was in

Kentucky. Did you beat women in Kentucky? What did you do in Kentucky? What did I do in Kentucky? If you beat women in Kentucky. How would you do it if you beat a bunch of women in Kentucky? Well, I would wear rings on every finger and hit them in the face over and over. I mean, that's kind of crazy to say that.

It's a little... He also, like, it's very mapped out for him. I'm against that. He seems like he really is... He thought about this. He thought about it a lot. I don't know if brass knuckles are illegal, but rings on every finger is... Oh, that's why you wear the rings.

Because it's like a loophole with beating women. If you wear brass knuckles, it's a weapon. Every single rag on me, every single necklace is a lethal weapon. It's all practical for combat. Against women. This is correct.

This was back when I took a martial art when I went back. Yeah. Okay. I realize. Have you suffered a stroke in the last few years? I lived in Kentucky.

You need to take a nap after this. You're in Greensboro. Johnny, you only get coherent when you're talking about beating up. Yeah, that's the only time you really think you're going. Everything else, you stall out. Your eyes light up when you talk about it. We kind of sobered up. We talked about beating.

Yeah, you're like, oh. And then we're like, well, what would you do? You're like, I'd fucking close my fist. You know, I got the rings on me. You got real detail. I'd headbutter. You know exactly what you're going to do. Becomes very detailed and articulate.

And then you chop and screw yourself right back down. God damn it, Johnny. Jesus down. God damn it, Johnny. Jesus Christ. God damn it, Johnny. It's a lot of dead air for like a podcast. You're the slowest coke head I've ever seen in my fucking life.

Your style of speaking was not built for podcasting. No. You're not a natural broadcaster. You're not. You're not. Are we filming? Yeah, this is a podcast.

Yeah, this is a podcast. Yeah, we're on. Goes out. The ecstasy. Anyway, let's watch podcast. Damn it, Johnny. This will be the ecstasy. Anyway, let's watch Amber. What did you think of this? I mean, she was claiming a lot of stuff here. The steak pieces. There you are.

There you are. You look good. You look hot. You look more energetic there than here. Had this black lace trim. I ironically got it from Dr. Kipper for a wedding. Hearing about that black lace trim, does that do anything for you anymore?

I continued to find it throughout the rest of the time that I was in the house. Get to be going. If it was wrapped around her neck. Right. There he goes again. I don't know. The jury might have made the wrong decision.

In public opinion. He liked to see the shock in women's eyes before he attacked them. You know what I mean? Is that like something that you like? Is there a reason why you're raising your voice at me? Whoa. Sorry again.

Whoa. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. I can't look him in the eyes. We told you he couldn't bring your guest, which we were... We just didn't have room for his guest, but I think that's maybe why he's a little angry. Geppetto? That's what he said.

Well, I got a monkey allergy. Slow down a little. Oh, my God. Dude why he's a little angry. Geppetto? Geppetto. Well, I got a monkey allergy. Slow down a little. Oh, my God, dude. He's so mighty. You're going to have a heart attack. I miss my monkey. You know. What's Geppetto up to these days?

What do you do with Geppetto? Mostly. You guys like tag team moves? He doesn't drop fecal matter in my bed, and he's a great blow partner. Oh, he does blow with you? He does coke? Absolutely. When Geppetto's around.

He's actually the one that got me into it. Oh, he likes flurries. That's cool. Did he ever help you with Amber? You know, maybe what you... If you did beat her...

Did he bite Amber or anything like that? Did you ever, like, sick him on Amber? He was able... He has basically almost inch-long fangs, and he bit into her face and her eye once, and she was able to cover it with some Maybelline. Allegedly.

Did you discipline him, or what was your conversation with him after that? Allegedly. If this happened. He's a monkey. I can't conversate with him after the legend. If this happened. He's a monkey. I can't conversate with him. True. Yeah, that's a good point. I'm a little perturbed by that question. How do you train him?

This is not Johnny Depp I expected. Basically, when... Oh, my God. You know what? I'm sorry. I wish you got life in prison. Oh, my God. Do you give a poke? You know what? I'm sorry. I wish you got life in prison.

I'm trying to... You should be put away forever. You should be sentenced to speech therapy. Your charisma's on parole. This is unbelievable. What did they do to your charisma? How did you... Be like you're in a pitch meeting.

Pretend we're Hollywood execs. Unbelievable. I've seen you string words together. We've seen it. It just depends on the topic. I like to really think before I say something. But it's not thoughtful stuff. You're not even saying anything thoughtful.

It's all violent. You're just a drunken idiot. You just sound like a drunk. You're very close to me. Sorry. Well, I mean. Listen, I don't want to. You just sound like a drunk. You're very close to me. Sorry. Well, I mean. Listen, I don't want to. This is getting weird.

Weirder and weirder. This is. I'm getting some crazy vibes from you. I mean. Okay. Let's just go to the next thing. I don't know. This is getting.

I don't know. Should we watch more of Amber? I mean, where's it going to. That violent side that Amber's been talking about is starting to come out. Well, this is what she said. She said he smeared his blood on the walls like fucking Manson.

I mean, just raw meat wrapped up in my nightgown as well as the smeared food on the walls. You got a big smile on your face. I like that. That never happened what if

anything did you call seeing on any mirrors oh he'd um written um he had written on the bathroom mirrors uh in the bedroom and i i believe he um there was another mirror she's talking about when she cut his finger off right and then i think yeah And then I think you went around the house and smeared blood and wrote on the walls. Johnny said on the trial he admitted that he wrote with blood after his finger got cut out. I think I went into a little bit of shock. Now the cocaine is hitting me, so I'm feeling a lot faster right now. So hopefully this will add to the podcast a little bit. But basically I went around the

whole house and I was just writing with my finger and I did not realize that I was doing it until I finished and then afterwards I know my writing and then there was red writing and I knew that red writing came from her even though she denied it on the stand what were you writing was it like stop the steal and

basically let's go Brandon what let's go brandon basically i was i was writing um all the all the different all the all the different uh men that that she had cheated on me with oh my what do you think of elon yeah what would you do to elon if you saw him i wouldn't do anything but no if you, what would you do to Elon if you saw him? I wouldn't do anything. But no, if you did, what would you do to Elon? If you wanted to do something to Elon, what would you do? Self-defense. In self-defense?

You're still way too close. John, you need to give him a little space. He's not in a good mood today, obviously. He has to sit away. Back away. He has to sit on camera, Johnny. Yeah, come over here. He's got a knife on him, dude. That's my cocaine knife. Back away. He has to sit on camera, Johnny. Yeah, come over here. He's got a knife

on him, dude. That's my cocaine knife. I don't use it for anything else but cocaine. Okay,

that's my cocaine knife. Strict policy. If I was going to do anything to Elon, I would wish him a lifetime

with Miss Heard. Miss Heard. Miss Heard. What is she like in the sack? Did you have some good sex for a while at least or was it pretty shitty? Is she like a lifeless body or did she get into it? I mean they always say like crazy women are buck wild

and we never engaged in anything like that. He's never had sex. Just like the violence. He's never had sex with her? Just like me being violent to her. It never happened. So were you even, did you even know who this is? Who is she to you?

Who is Amber Heard? Did you ever even hang out with her? We, I was terrified of her. She had this, she had this charisma at first, but... And yet you never had sex with her? She was no Kate Moss.

Oh, wow. How was Kate Moss? She was very light, easily pushed. She's European, right? She probably did anal with her and all kinds of European sex. Oh, yeah, in the bum. Yeah. You called her... Yeah, you called her sex. Oh yeah, in the bum. You called her...

Put it in my bum! Her pussy kind of smelled too, right? Like Amber's pussy smelled. You called her a flappy fish market. Yeah, she definitely is a flappy fish market. Indeed, flappy fish market. Kate Moss isn't actually European. Is she American? It's publicity.

Oh, that was all of... We grew up together. She's from Kentucky. She's from Kentucky. Oh, okay. Okay, gotcha. But you banged Kate Moss, though. You did have sex with Kate Moss.

Johnny? You had sex with Kate Moss. Y'all had sex with Ellen Barkin, too, right? And she testified against you because she's kind of spiteful, right? Because you didn't want to make it a thing and she wanted a thing and you just fucked her and left. And also, were you afraid that you might kill her

because she's so old when you banged her? She's actually younger than me, but she didn't age well. Irish. Irish broad. Turn. It's Irish. Turned like an avocado. Yeah, they age. They did not handle all the cocaine.

Yeah. You really don't want to kiss and tell. What's the apprehension? You were just on a very publicized trial. You got real fast, then you got slow. Yeah, what's going on? When you fuck Kate Moss, did her bony ass make your abs abs hurt afterward because she's so skinny was it like fucking a wooden chair are you gonna be in the new season euphoria she uh she she she basically um night and day with with amber hood absolutely um there there's no doubt about it. We did engage in...

Sex. You had sex. Do you know what sex is? Have you ever had sex? Are you a virgin? Is it the coke? Like, what's going on? Can you get it up?

Have you had whiskey dick for 45 years? 58. You're 58 years old. Well, 13. Maybe you started drinking at 13. Right. No, no, no. Three.

That's right. You started drinking at three years old. Well, 13. Maybe you started drinking at 13. No, no, no. Three. That's right. You started drinking at three years old. Yeah. Around there. Why, you don't believe me? No, no, no, no. John, John, just back off from him, okay? I'm trying to.

No, honestly, I'm... He does not like you. He is not having a good time with you. This is uncomfortable. Treat him well. This is a very weird, weird interview. It's really high tension. We thought we were going to have a big celebration.

I thought you'd be in a better mood. I mean, he's celebrating. I thought he'd be in a better mood. Yeah, I thought you'd be happy. You're hungover and tired. I think his dopamine and his serotonin is just shot. You've been partying too hard. I just miss Geppetto.

Yeah. You love Geppetto. It sounds like you love Geppetto more than anything in the world. That's really all you want in your life is Geppetto, right? And cocaine. Cocaine. I almost want to take that away, but I'm not going to. Obviously, he's on a bad road.

He'll get violent. He's going down a bad road. Did you and Geppetto celebrate at all? What did you guys do? I was in the United Kingdom, but Geppetto sent me selfies of his party. He can use a phone and take pictures and send them. He still won't talk to me. He's unable to talk.

They don't speak. He probably speaks better than you, to be honest. Honestly, I say that he'd be more interesting to have. He probably doesn't talk to you because he's like, what do I do with this? Yeah. All right. Yeah, back to the Coke. There you go.

There you go. You mind if I do one? He's taking some Mondo bombs, dude. Look at him go. This is why I'm a little down right now. I wish you guys would partake. Oh, you want? You feel awkward that we're not partaking?

All right. We can all do something. Hold on. I'm doing a gummy. Jesus Christ. Give me a little bit. I'm fucking numb. That's good shit. I got this directly from George Jung

before he died. This is like the Coke that P. Wee Herman tested and blow. Derek, for real, I can't feel my face. I mean, I can touch it. You got a bunch of coke on your face. That's cool. I'm feeling up.

I feel pretty good. You got the drip going? Yeah, I got the drip in my throat. Now I'm feeling hot. You feeling good now? He's he's good. Here we go. What do you want to get into today? You're still way too close. Listen. He's fine. He's a nice guy. He's a good guy. He's one of us.

I'm here for you. He's one of us. Yeah. Google gobble. He's a friend. I don't think we can convince you that he's an okay guy because you seem to just hate him. But he is a good guy if you can forgive him for whatever he did. Maybe part of the problem is he's also named John. Can I just call him Jim?

Yeah. Sure, call him whatever you want. Jim from now on then. Okay. That pleases you, Johnny? You like that? Do we have to call him Jim too? No.

I'll call him by his first name in front of me. Jim is fine with me. Whatever makes him less aggressive. Whatever makes Johnny less aggressive. I am a very, very nice person. Normally. Right.

Do you do this to every John? Is this a thing? Just ones that keep putting a phallic symbol in my face. It's like a cock. That's a good question. I don't know how else we could hear you. He's kind of homophobic.

A little homophobic. He doesn't want to suck a dick. Nobody wants to do that. Except gay people. What the hell are you talking about? Through Diddy. People attracted to men. Not really, no.

Mr. Depp, did you see the amount of celebrities that liked your Instagram post? So sweet. I was very touched. Ryan Adams, Patti Smith, Michelle Brands, Ashley Benson, Bella Hadid, I don't know who any of these retards are. Emma Roberts, I know. Rita Ora, Chase Stokes, Ian Somerhalder. These are the people that like Amber Heard, right?

No, these are the people that liked Johnny's. I think that's Amber Heard. No, this is Johnny. Are you sure? Celebs who like Johnny Depp's post. Oh, shit. Okay, my bad. Jason Momoa, her co-star.

Momoa's. Jeez Louise, buddy. Yeah. That's not good. Even though I was calling his movie Aquanet, he didn't take it personally. Yeah. Nice guy. Aquaman.

Were you threatened by him a little bit because he's a little buffer than you? He's a Chad. He just looks like he really cleans women out. Yeah. Yeah. Nice guy. Aquaman. Were you threatened by him a little bit because he's a little buffer than you? He's a Chad. He just looks like he really cleans women out. Yeah. He's got a big body. Might be able to talk fast. Do you have a response to that that won't take 45 minutes? The thing about Jason Momoa.

He's from Kentucky. God damn it, Johnny. You're about to say something about Kentucky, aren't you? Johnny, have you seen... We might beat the shit out of you. I might throw that wine bottle at your finger. Can you drink more wine? What do you need? I'm very good at hiding in bathrooms,

so you guys would never be able to catch me anyways. You're slippery. You are slippery. You have like 45... You have like a million lofts all over the country. How many bedrooms does this place have? Two and a half.

No, no. One bedroom. But he knows how to hide and that will be hard to find. There's only two two and a half bedrooms. I'm going to get my ass kicked. I need a minimal of six.

But you could hide behind curtains or you could find some creative way. It's like a real home alone situation. You put boots under the curtains, but you're actually under the table. Did you ever slip on a bunch of little toy cars? Honestly, to escape after

I used to tie ropes with paint cans that would swing down. I would put... Very Home Alone style. Yeah, put a bunch of kerosene on a rope. You got a bowling ball sliding down a rail. Electric hit the doorknob. Lighter hair on fire. There was a time where I literally had a hot iron just fall on her face, which she was able to cover with...

Mango. Bruise kit. Bruise kit. Allegedly. Allegedly. It's just like, if you did it. I mean, if I was... If you were going to do something.

You have a saw-like contraption with a fucking hot iron. Yes, yes. So, I want to thank Macaulay Culkin for me surviving a bird. He took a lot of... Your house is like a mousetrap board. That's crazy. You have no idea. Maybe we should try to cover some of the actual case here,

because this is big news. Johnny Depp got 15 mil. Amber Heard got two mil. You know I'm never getting a penny of that, right? Why is that? What does that mean? Unless she starts an OnlyFans. Oh, to show her flappy fish market all over the world?

Well, I can't smell it. The idea that she is going to pay me anything is irrelevant to me. You don't care. You're very rich, but how could she avoid it? Isn't it like a court-ordered payment? Oh, yes. I thought you knew more about it. She'll get arrested.

I didn't even know where I was half the time in that courtroom. I was just doodling a lot. That's real gone. Did you have sex with Camille Vasquez, your lawyer, who is now a celebrity because of the case? She's hot. Professionally, I... I saw her giving you a fucking hand here to the table in the middle of the case. She's hot. Professionally, I... I saw her giving you a fucking handy under the table

in the middle of the case. I have not had sex with Mr. Chew. Mr. Chew? On my team. The other guy. Oh, the other dude. Talking about the girl. You banged the hot chick.

Oh, you didn't. On my team, I have not had sex with Mr. Chew. There's another person on the team that he maybe had sex with. I see what he's doing. Okay. That's a good, it's a classic response. Amanda Knox liked your post. That's maybe not a great.

Who is Amanda Knox? Falsely accused. Falsely accused of murdering her roommate. I get why she probably had. She's hot, too. You should get with her. My favorite endorsement was Justice Jeanine Pirro. Oh, she's cool, yeah.

She supported the hell out of me, and you know that she is just a brilliantly beautiful, amazing lady who definitely doesn't drink wine before her show every day. You like Jeanine Pirro, right? She's the greatest thing that ever happens. You guys get together and you drink wine and you talk about how CRT

is ruining our schools. Is that Ben Shapiro's sister? Janine Pirro? No, she was the greatest judge before Judge Judy. She basically is

I believe... Okay. All right. All right, Johnny. We get it. Let's maybe just do the podcast. We'll circle back to Johnny. This is Judge Piro. This is who he's talking about. Apparently Johnny Depp is now admitting to us

he hangs out with her. Liars, leakers, and liberals. Go full screen. In today's age, you think? I thought she was describing the Trump White House. Liars, leakers, and liberals. So tell us about the title and why you wrote the book. Well, I wrote the book because I have, I'm not an ideologue. I mean, I have been in

the crime business for over three decades, and I think I said that before. Yeah. You guys are really dipping in that coke with the full screen. Yeah, what the fuck? Wait, don't tell anybody. What is Johnny? What the fuck? Come on now. Jesus, Johnny.

Their claims of your drug abuse is really making a lot of sense right now. This is kind of absurd. This is excessive. Jesus, Johnny. The judgment gave you way too much confidence. Do you even like Janine Pirro, or did you just ask us to put something on

so you could do a bunch of code? What were you on June 6th? January 6th. January 6th, John. June 6th. January 6th. January 6th. John. June 6th. January 6th. January 6th. I believe I was in Kentucky.

Have you seen Lemon Party? What do you think of that? I haven't seen it. No. No, no. But what do you think of that old man getting his cock sucked? Can you text me it? So you don't like the microphone, but some old man getting his dick sucked on a bed is okay.

That's fine. He just doesn't like you. He doesn't like you, Joe. I just don't like you. Jim. Oh, okay. What is it about Jim that you hate so much? Yeah.

He reminds me of Mr. Rottenborn. Which one? Oh, okay. It's like a PTSD thing. Something like that. Did you see Kathy Griffin was talking. Rottenborn. Which one? Oh, okay. It's like a pizza or something like that. Did you see Kathy Griffin was talking a lot of shit

about you today? Fuck her. You know Kathy Griffin? She's the comic and red-haired lady. for everyone in the world and say, who?

Yeah. All right. She's not relevant anymore. Not relevant. Call her a whore, Johnny. He's got to finish his wine.

Lying whore. Perfect. Perfect. All right, let's check out what she had to say. Look at this dumbass. Oh, my God. Look at her fucking face. If you don't like my funny, this is because you don't find the humor in anything.

No, that's not carrot top. That's not carrotot Top, Johnny. She looks a lot like her. They have the same hair and face. Yeah. All gingers look alike to me. I mean, look at her. She looks like she lives on the sun. Look at that face. Unbelievable.

Alright, let's see what she had to say. Get back to your cocks. Wake up, you fuck. And these Johnny Depp stans that are talking about this trial, and yet they refuse to show a picture of what he looks like now, which is a big, orange, fat, bloated booze bag. He looks like Donald Trump with a ponytail. Oh. And so-

That's not true. Donald Trump with a ponytail. He just looks like an older guy. He doesn't look bad. He doesn't look bad. The goal for a person that looks like an older guy. He doesn't look bad. How old for a person that looks like that? How is somebody that looks like Kathy Griffin talking to her? She's entitled to her opinion.

You're getting your knuckles ready. She's entitled to her opinion, but if you didn't... Coincidence. You're going to headbutt her and punch her face against the wall. I plan on dating her and taking her to Australia one day. That's kind of nice. That would actually be like a sweet gesture

until she goes missing. I would not doubt if I asked her out, she would go out with me. Yeah. Oh, for sure. You could fuck her if you were just nice to her for 30 seconds. She'd be like, like oh I'm so sorry I didn't mean that I was on 21 Jump Street

Fucking exactly You could fuck anyone you want Are you happy that you won Because of what it means for men That like now in this day and age It is like men can abuse And we can always be like, it's not immediately that we're guilty.

Kentucky. You're about to say Kentucky. The thing is, I'm just going to take it away. Don't give him the mic anymore. You're a full-blown retard, Johnny Depp. Your mind, it's turning your mind into mush. Your mind is literally mush.

Jim, are you laughing? I thought it was funny. I'm sorry. Well, Jim, actually, maybe don't laugh. I'm trying. Don't fuck with him. It's really hard. You just have a very punch's still thinking of that.

Trying to get to that word. This is like watching the... I know. God, this is like watching the Gringo Poppy. I know. I'm really fucking kind of uncomfortable. You sound like you got knocked out by Travis Brown. Are you afraid?

Do you have C2U, Johnny? Are you afraid of being next to him? You do realize that I couldn't punch out of a wet paper bag seeing as I only left one mark on Amber Hood. I think you'll be alright. It could be like a Bing Crosby scenario where you're hitting her with billiard

balls and a pillowcase and a chest. That was if he did it. He's got a lot of rings and shit. That's what's making me nervous. If I did it. He's also got this knife that I don't know if he's I know it's making me nervous. If I did. That was if he did. Allegedly. And he's also got this knife that I don't know if he's... I know it's his coke knife. I'm not gonna repeat myself. That is my coke knife. Okay.

Jim, you're actually kind of... He already said that. Jim, can you fucking back off, dude? I'm trying. He is not playing. Look at him. He keeps drinking out of the fucking bottle. He's crazy. He's got a bottle. This is insane. He's gonna sodomize me. Cut him a little slack. He had a big... He going to sodomize me. Cut him a little slack. He had a big case.

He's going to sodomize me. He's a movie star. Now that I realize he has wet brain, it's just worrying me a little bit. What are you looking at? Let's let Molly Grinwald finish what she was saying.

I like that. All right, he's producing the show. He's getting into it. Keep sticking up for him. Amber is taking down Johnny. He's so gorgeous and dreamy. I'm like, okay, he talks like Kanye when Kanye had his jaw wired.

He has a fake accent like when Madonna turned British. She knows a lot about hip-hop. She's using Stan. Who would give you the fuck a bunch of black guys? So every time I hear that from him, I go, them want to fuck her. No, they don't. Of course they don't. No, no, no.

She's too skinny for them. I'll let you know after I finish this bag of Coke. Oh, yeah. He didn't learn to speak like that in Kentucky. He learned it from his idol, Keith Richards. Yeah, it's an affectation. She said you learned how to speak from Keith Richards. Such an obvious affectation. You learn how to speak from Keith Richards.

Such an obvious affectation and just the whole thing about digital warriors outside. This is a middle-aged man. Fuck. Yeah, I thought that was Keith Richards too, actually. You got coke everywhere, Johnny. Jesus Christ. I thought my knife was missing. I was about to get violent.

Oh my god. Are you really that uncomfortable being near him? I thought my knife was missing. I was about to get violent. Here's the deal. Are you really that uncomfortable being near him? Look at the fucking guy. Maybe we'll switch the seating. It's too complicated. The only way out is through at this point. If he gets him, I don't know. I don't think he's going to get that angry.

I've never struck anybody in my life. Right. It's sounding like you're a violent person with how you're talking. I have never struck anybody in my life. Right. In history. It's sounding like you're a violent person with how you're talking, but... Yeah, I don't believe this for one second. Johnny, you do realize... Kentucky.

Johnny, you do realize that Jim is a man, you know? So why would you want to hit a man? Yeah, it's like I'm one of you. Looks like Mr. Rottenborn. Okay. Jim reminds him of Mr. Rottenborn. Okay. Jim reminds him of Mr. Rottenborn. He's in a loop. He's been affected by the case to a point where he's like, he's nearly, he's...

PTSD. I think it's almost better for us to proceed. Yeah, let's just do a normal... This is like, I mean, he's a vegetable. He's a goddamn vegetable. He's a fucking vegetable. He's nodding off right now i did yeah he's brain dead yeah it's all the acid did you have a test for this fucking coke like

what's going on he's like oh my he's back oh shit the fentanyl's he's like in a fugue state but let's just go is the fentanyl hitting you johnny are you okay jesus anyway jada pinkett smith talked about uh the slap The Will Smith slap Lately This is a really important retake Look at this maniac I loved her in G.I. Jane She looks like a sci-fi character

Very good Thousands have reached out to me with their stories I'm using this moment To give our Calapopecia family an opportunity to talk about what it's like to have this condition and to inform people about what alopecia actually is. She looks like an uncircumcised penis in that turtleneck. My deepest hope is that these two intelligent, capable men

have an opportunity to heal, talk this out, and reconcile. The state of the world today, we need them both. And we all actually need one another more than ever. Until then, Will and I are continuing to do what we have done for the last 28 years. And that's keep figuring out this

thing called life together. Thank you for listening. She is out of her fucking mind. She looks like a fucking like in the Hunger Games, like a king or a queen or something that comes out. Some sort of twisted, corrupt leader of a dystopian society. She walks out on stage

standing next to Stanley Tucci. He's twirling a cane. He's got a top hat. And they just both force two four-year-olds to fight each other to the death. I honestly think that she did a number on Will Smith. He's definitely he got it worse than I did with Miss Hood.

What do you think he should do? If you gave him advice, what would you say? Maybe buy some Rasnuggles? Buy a bunch of rings. Heavy rings. And make sure she doesn't have a bruise kit. I actually do kind of agree with the fact

that who got fucked over worse by their wife Amber Heard and Johnny Depp or J.D. Pinkett Smith and Will Smith. I would rather be Johnny Depp

with those accusations just because Will Smith he looks way sadder. He hasn't been accused of abuse but it's like worse. A fate worse than that is that he's like a cuck.

Yeah. Johnny's not. You're not a cuck. Yeah, he's a cuck. Johnny's not, you're not a cuck. No, you're not a cuck, Johnny, right? What did you just call me? I said you're not. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

All right. Jesus fucking Christ, dude. He's flexing his fucking fingers. Oh my God, he's now like flexing his rings. He's also doing this like fucking pullback thing which I think he might suck at.

Well, right, his arm is like dangerous position. I can get fucked. No one knows when I pull my fist back. I headbutt. You better watch out, John.

He's got this big little rascal's hat on. You learned that from Russell Crowe, did you? You are wearing an odd hat. It looks like you've been throwing around the newspaper that says Pearl Harbor just happened. Too late. All right. No, too late alright now now

too late too late back to the coke back to the coke there he goes there he goes big old bag of coke alright yeah

he's enjoying it it's gonna take him all night having a good time aren't you yeah look at you just keep in your your security coke

you are a fucking maniac aren't you his jaw's going. Oh. Johnny, how'd you feel about Uvalde? Yeah, it's the final stretch of the podcast. What are your thoughts on school shootings? It's fake, right? Yeah, Uvalde was obviously a hoax, right? Much like your defamation

case. Alex Jones. Nice. Okay. See from Kentucky? You're in full cocaine psychosis at this point. Kentucky and Mr. Rottenburg. Oh, boy. You got like a one-track mind, Depp.

Oh, he's getting pissed. I have a strong... What are you doing with the fucking... I have a strong feeling he'll be fucking on the floor out front of the Viper room in a couple of minutes. He thinks he's in court right now. Oh, he's reenacting court like an old ghost. Oh, he's doing the court writing.

Reenacting his death. What? What? I can't... He's like a... He's got unfinished business and he's got his business in his... I can't believe this guy won. I know.

That's crazy. Amber Heard looks like a well-adjusted human being compared to you. You are out of your fucking mind, Josh. I'm just pulling billionaires. Are you really writing like fake notes? Like you did the whole case in Coke? I want to shoot you with the cannon.

I want to shoot you with the cannon you shot Hunter S. Thompson out of. And are you, is there a bandana around your arm right there? Because that's, there's track marks. Is that for are you hiding drug use yeah there's track marks jesus christ dope head you're a fucking mess dude well it goes back to take the mic away nobody gives a shit yeah you're right you're he's got your corner let him go i miss geppetto i you know we all all right you're in love with geppetto we get it but i mean you are gonna really die if you keep doing that

paul bettany paul bettany oh that's true yeah that's his human friend he's saying he's saying he's just his friends he's saying he's just saying things he's just saying words he just says anything that comes to mind yeah his brain is recognizing

names and ideas and foggy thoughts and he's trying to form them into words whatever makes you happy Mr. Rottenborn oh thank god

okay you know well let's just let's just do something else he's at the point man this is he doesn't even know he's here we can talk about him he just do something else he's at the point man this is

he doesn't even know he's here we could talk about him he's nodding off again he's nodding off I'm sorry to the listeners Johnny Depp in a couple weeks is gonna be like on the floor of his home

drunk eating Wendy's in a viral video yeah his daughter's gonna be recording him yeah exactly like eating a burger with no shirt on

yeah to be honest I don't even he's having a bad dream oh boy oh god he might be having a bad dream. Oh, boy. Oh, God. He might be having a bad dream. Oh, boy.

He's got the yips. When's the last time he did a good movie, by the way? Don't make poo-poo on the bed. Oh, shit. He's talking about the grumpy. The poo-poo. What did it smell like, Johnny? Tell us.

Jesus. Not like shit. He won't be able to say it. I was more entertained. Some are more musky than others. This is unbelievable. I mean, I was more entertained. Some are more musky than others. This is unbelievable. I mean, I was more stimulated when I watched The Tourist. Jesus Christ.

Sorry, Johnny, I didn't mean to. You fucking stink. I don't even remember making that movie. No one remembers watching it. What about Hunter S. Thompson? Can we dig him up and get him in here? Yeah, what about Hunter? Hunter Johnny.

Do you miss him? Do you remember him? Your friend Hunter S. Thompson? Can we dig him up and get him in here? Yeah, what about Hunter? Hunter or Johnny? Do you miss him? Do you remember him? Your friend Hunter S. Thompson? Your friend Hunter S. Thompson. Gonzo Journalism? Oh, he's going to say Kentucky again, isn't he? You shot him out of a cannon. Aspen, Colorado.

You shot his ashes out of a cannon. You hosted his funeral. You were friends with him. You played him in a movie. Fear and Loathing in Los Angeles. Yeah! There we go. There we go.

Good job, Johnny. Very good, very good. I don't want to touch him. And the rum diaries. Don't touch him, John. He's about to fucking explode on you. He's going to fucking attack you soon. Fuck Hunter S. Thompson.

Wow! Because of him, I did the rum diary. And because of him, I ended up in court. You've gone mad on basically everyone in your life except Geppetto. Yeah, pretty much. And Paul Bettany. Paul Bettany?

So the only two people in your life that you care about at all are your monkey, Geppetto, and Paul Bettany. And that bag of cocaine. And my future wife, Camille. Okay, so you did have a good time with her. There were fireworks there.

Camille Vasquez. She's going to be Mira in Aquaman 3. Since I got Amber. Right. We get it. Cool. Fucking drunk. Boy.

We can't do this anymore you you are like fucking threatening no this is a mess this might be the worst podcast we've done he's already asleep i mean it's unbelievable we thought we had a big guest johnny depp on it's like it's a stinker i've never gone for being so excited about a big get he's asleep it's the most disappointing where did you fucking find him joey like what he i him, Joey? He just started fucking, we saw him on the corner and we were like, oh, what are you doing in town?

And we said, hey, come on the podcast. Do you remember being on the corner? Do you remember anything, you fucking retard? Where am I? Oh, God. All right. His brain. Same old thing.

He's in cocaine psychosis. Every time. He's just, he doesn't know where he is. He's schizo. Yeah. Well, I mean, you know, you want to watch this mother of a Uvalde? It would be. It would bring more levity to the pod than.

All right. Let's have some, you know, it's time. Enough of the heavy, serious. All right, let's have some, you know, it's time. Enough of the heavy, serious tone of this episode. Right away as I parked, U.S. Marshal started coming toward my car saying that I wasn't allowed to be parked there. We can't do this. And he said, well, we're going to.

Why? Well, her kids lived. She broke in and she saved her kids. Other ones didn't. Other ones didn't. Which now makes it a bit disrespectful. I don't want to. It's just a, you know.

I mean, why even start it and then have a change I thought maybe I thought the tragedy would wake Johnny Depp up it might Johnny what do you care about

do you have any thoughts on anything at all like have you ever make it snappy have you ever looked into anything besides

just I believe that no one should ever fear truth. That's very Gonzo. He's got to spit out a little wisdom. Yeah, that's very cool. I am quite eloquent when I want to be. I wouldn't say that.

I see that. Yeah, you're not really eloquent. Yeah. You've got kernels of wisdom, but it's, you know, kind of hidden beneath a very slow, slurred speech. And it's very difficult to listen to you talk. Agreed. Okay. Okay.

You know. We got a full sentence. Like a back and forth. We had like a, you know. Yeah, odd self-awareness that just came through there. Yeah. Do you ever go to the Chateau Marmont still? Have you ever

had any illegal sex there? Alright, enough of you. Alright. There's a rumor online that you molested a kid on 21 Jump Street. That is a big, pretty big rumor. There's a lot of rumors about me. I woke you up.

Yeah, there's a lot of rumors about me. This one involves child molestation. And the idea that me, who played Officer Tom Hanson, needed to be with a little kid. A little boy. A 12-year-old boy. Sometimes you've had it all and then you just want what's new.

This is true. I'm not so mad at you anymore. Okay. So when I start talking about fucking little kids, you're like you get crazy. Some pearls of wisdom. This man does not fear truth. Sure, you've given some kids some pearls of wisdom. This man does not fear truth. Sure, you've given some kids some pearls

of wisdom. Right on their neck. Pearl necklace. Damn right. When you do, you know, ten pills of ecstasy as Amber, you know, witnessed me do without dying. Allegedly.

You obviously tend to forget things and don't know what you're doing. Yeah. You blacked out of history of pedophilia. Let's watch this. Him and Johnny and Hunter S. Thompson. I want to see if he

remembers any of these. These are some rare old videos. Try to just remember. Watch this. Like a demented person. Do you remember this at all? Look at Hunter go. There he is. I remember this. Do you remember this guy? He's drinking and driving.

It's not J.K. Simmons. It's Hunter S. Thompson. This is Hunter S. Thompson. That's you. Do you remember you? That's not Donnie Brasco. That's you. Do you remember how you used to be? Hunter asked Johnny to wait until they find a new director. Look at that. Do you remember that?

Still taking a long time to respond. You still seem like you're taking a long time to respond. You're like in your 20s and you still seem to. There's a delay there, but at least you are like interested and present and coherent slightly, you know? Yeah. Okay. Good fucking God. present and coherent slightly, you know? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Okay. Good fucking God.

He asked Hunter to teach his bird. Look how fast Hunter's talking. So you asked Hunter S. Thompson to teach your bird how to speak? He's talking about his cock. Did he swallow, Hunter? Rum Diaries. Rum Diaries. All right. Okay. All right. You are a drunken... I hope they never cast you in another movie again. follow. Rum Diaries. Rum Diaries. You are a drunken... I hope they never cast you in another movie again,

you sack of shit. You fucking has-been sack of shit. The court made the wrong decision. You fucking booze hound, abusive piece of shit. I can't believe the fucking wool you pulled over the world's eyes. Amber Heard is an innocent woman. Do you remember Gilbert Grape? Do you remember that. Do you remember Gilbert Grape?

Do you remember that? Do you remember that at all? Do you remember the retard? Do you remember me in the movie where your mom was a big fat lady? Wherever you are. I got a little bit. By the way, anyone who wants to buy Dior, he smells like shit.

He smells like wine. He smells like wine. He smells like fucking pinewood and patchouli oil and old musty drugs and vomit. It smells like a guy who hasn't showered in a long time, and he just put on a bunch of Dior. Sour mash and cheap wine. Sour mash. Okay, that's the Kentucky in you. Back to the wine. He's back to Kentucky, Back to whiskey and stuff.

I can't believe how much the public loves you right now. And you really are just a... Who are you waving to? He just realized he's on TV. He thinks he's on TV. He thinks he's... That's not how it works.

There's nobody watching you right now. That's not how it works, Johnny. All right. Okay. Jesus Christ. it works. There's nobody watching you right now. That's not how it works, Johnny. Fuck you guys. Okay, all right. Well, you know, he had a good month in court, and then he blew it all on this podcast. He just decided to show the world his true colors. I think after he got

the judgment, he was basically just like, okay, I can be myself now. Everyone's really done Amber Heard a real disservice. It's sad what's happened to her in the public eye. I can't believe what you did to Amber, actually, man. Believe all women, first of all. Me poo.

Ah. Very good. That was good, Johnny. Johnny, you're a real hack. He's also a fucking hack. I mean, oh my god. Yeah, you're like a misogynist and you're doing dumb, hacky puns.

He's gonna fall asleep. Okay, back to this. Oh, his eyes are a little cold. He's happy. Oh, he's up. Johnny, how you doing, buddy? He's kind of acting like a monkey right now. What are we doing now? Starting to act like a little monkey. A little hanging, man. Hey, Johnny. How you doing, buddy? Holy shit. All right. He's kind of acting like a monkey right now. What are we doing now? Starting to act like a little monkey.

A little hanging, man. Doing some coke. Hey, Johnny. Welcome back. Come on. Okay. Here. Hold on.

We're going down memory lane because we love you so much. What are the small monkeys called again? Capuchin monkeys. Capuchin monkeys. Get them. Capuchin, asshole. Capuchin. All right.

Relax, Johnny. Relax. Jim, could you don't fucking... There's something about his face. Jim. I like Jim's face. It's amber-hood. I love Jim.

And rotten. Yeah, we're all really close. All right. Johnny, does this make you happy? Look at him. You ready to take a bath? Look it. It's a little monkey.

He's taking a bath. Wake up, Johnny. Wait, wait. Do I want to see this? Is that going to make you think about Geppetto? This isn't a shock video. Does it make you sad? You'll see Geppetto later.

You only drove like 30 minutes to get here. You'll snuggle with Geppetto when you get home. You can snuggle with Geppetto later. You have no idea that monkey. He's the only one that never accused me of beating him. Well, everyone else accused you of beating him. They're hard to get a grasp on. Just because he can't talk, that's not the reason.

Oh, so you beat him, but he just can't accuse because he can't speak. Does he have a little car that you drive around in? Yeah, do you give him like a little Fisher-Price? No, he's a monkey. Okay. I've heard a lot of rumors about Geppetto, you know. Yeah. Does this make you a little happy, Johnny?

Wash his little hands. Look at his smile. Look at the smile on Johnny's face. This is horrible. Alright, you are. Who cares if you beat her up? It's kind of sweet. You're a sweetheart. A little creepy. Look at the monkey take a little bath. He gets so violent about humans, and then he sees an animal, and he smiles.

Look at him wash his little bath. Look at that little monkey go. Is he crying? I think he's crying. Holy shit. Are you really crying? He's crying. Geppetto.

Turn that off. We're making him all. All right. Sorry. Jesus Christ. Angry. Or sad. Jesus Christ. Angry or sad. Jesus, Johnny.

If I had to pick out of those three, I guess depressed, angry, or sad. I mean, I guess angry. Angry is probably the best. Personally. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. What was that? It's the Hulk. He's just an amalgamation of hacky sayings and things other people was that? It's the Hulk. He's just an amalgamation of hacky sayings and

things other people have said. He doesn't exist. He literally doesn't exist. Johnny, snap to... Alright, back to the... Every time he unlatches that fucking blade. Just forget that he's here and try to do the podcast.

He said, good morning, Vietnam. What was Platoon like? Remember the hoochies? And you'll do the whole village? Charlie Sheen and I met on that film. Yeah. Right. And he then visited me and we... You have AIDS?

Do you have AIDS? You have AIDS? Do you have AIDS? That's the real reason why Amber got mad at me. You gave her AIDS. You gave her Paz. Paz come. You gave Amber a big load of Paz come. I gave her the Hiv.

The Hiv. The Hiv, yes. Okay. So you gave Amber... I think in California that's illegal. Do you get off to giving people HIV? There's no double jeopardy, so I can admit to everything now. So you gave her AIDS.

No, no, no. Not the full-blown version. Just the HIV. HIV, HIV. Okay. All right. No, so you're not that irresponsible. You guys see this?

Look at this video. We could wrap it up on this. Maybe Johnny will wake up. Is it a monkey? It's a woman. This is a woman in... Jesus Christ. I thought I looked like a fucking...

Sorry, fellas. Johnny, Johnny, sock him. Fucking Christ. Sock him, Johnny. I don't condone racism. That is... That's the line that you won't cross. That was by mistake.

It was a foggy photo. We were just watching videos. Now you all see why I do not like this guy. Good radar, actually. Good radar. He actually has a good sense on him. I think you got me. You're a piece of shit.

John, that was fucking insane. I took a brief glance at John, that was fucking insane. I took a brief glance at a video that was... We were just watching... It's in black and white. He also has a bad angle. The camera's there. To John's defense. American History X.

Hey, Ray! Sorry, fellas. American History X. Unbelievable. Anyway, so let's move past Mark Furman over here this is a woman that she's having orgasms two hours after she had her initial orgasm

I would take her to the hospital she keeps coming apparently I don't know look at her can I get her phone number no this is embarrassing it's like an orgasm. You just never come out of it.

Yeah. Because that's what it is derived from. She got stuck in the orgasm? See, I thought this was, I thought this happened to every chick, but maybe that's just me. Her labs are also like brought in. You know what I mean? It makes it look like a, sorry, I'm not going to talk about it. You don't need to keep bringing it up, retard.

Why would that be worth going to the hospital for? That sounds like something you would pay to have. Yeah. That is true. I don't know. I don't even think it's an actual orgasm. She seems like she just has a neurological Tourette's tick thing. But she is coming in front of this

nurse. And us now. Foggy video. This is going to haunt John for the rest of his life about two hours about two hours two hours two little nerds in the background is the person recording

he's the one that gave it to us he's recording because he's super proud of himself he's like I of himself right now. He's like, I'm going to text this to the group text today. He goes, bros, look what I just fucking did. She has an orgasm disease. It's like I made her sick.

Because you guys ever do this before? No, I don't think so. Holy hell, that is actually quite humorous. We love you, Johnny. I don't know, just throwing out ideas. So, you know, how are you feeling? A little better? More of that lady.

You're horned up on that. You're a little horny. I have PTSD against all women since... Okay. I checked. There's nothing. There's nothing there. On Worldstar, there's nothing. There's nothing there. On Worldstar, there's nothing.

Slow down on the coke. I mean. No, see, I'm lightening up the more that I do. Johnny, do you go on Worldstar a lot? Do your thing. I do, actually. What is Worldstar? I do.

I go on Worldstar. I don't even know what it is. Yeah, I'll show you a little preview of it. Oh, it's this website we're on right now. It's a lot of fights. That Lemon Party game. It's Lemon Party. Sean and Lemon Party.

Sean and Lemon Party game. It's Lemon Party. Why does this man have it available readily on his phone like that? It's ready to go. Joey's got Lemon Party. It's a screensaver. It's cocked and loaded. It's my own page.

The fastest gun in the world. Well, we have an opportunity here to show Johnny Depp, we have an opportunity here to show Johnny Depp. We have an opportunity here to show Johnny Depp anything. We want to show you some of our best work that we do. This is what we like to do for fun. This is what's on the Patreon right now, patreon.com slash hatewatchpodcast. You can watch our antics that we get into. Joey and I, all of us, we wreak havoc on this city every single night.

Well, wait a minute. Is that going to get us yanked? We'll figure it out. Why? Because there's London parties on that. No, no, no. This is you and your great name. Great name.

Oh, shit. Okay. This is you and your... This is us. What are you doing? Pull it off the screen for the people. Why'd you move that from the other room? Okay, so this is, to give a little context, this is Joey's apartment complex

and they have like a theater you can go into and we went into it one night and Joey was a little hammered and in the lobby... Well, let me defend myself a little bit. This was after like drinking

for like eight hours in a row. Did you ever do ten pools of ecstasy drink a thousand red beans? All right, Johnny. Come Kentucky. You're one-upping me. No, I drank a lot of booze. No, I didn't pools of ecstasy, drink a thousand red beans. All right, Johnny. Come Kentucky. You're one-upping me. No, I drank a lot of booze.

No, I didn't do 10 ecstasy. You've never been this entertaining when you're drunk. We don't think that stuff's cool, Johnny. Yeah, I'm not into that. All right, so anyway. You drug addict. And to more context, so there's in the lobby outside of this movie theater that we're sitting and watching a basketball game on,

there's these giant golden Great Dane statues. And so Joey just kept leaving the theater and bringing these Great Danes into the theater. And it's a great ending. Great, great, wonderful ending. That's like a 400-pound thing, by the way. Look how easy that came out. That's solid gold.

Not you. Yeah, exactly, exactly. What are you doing? No, no, Joey, there's stuff on that. Joey's trying to put the Great Dane right in front of the TV. That does look very good. Richie and I are embracing.

Are you watching Buzz Lightyear? What's going on? It's a commercial for the new, there's a new, I guess, a Buzz Lightyear movie. No, it looks great, but let's move it away from the TV. No. The bottom part of the TV is not showing.

That's where the score is. I don't want to do that. And you're also, you shouldn't have moved. It's not, this is your apartment complex. It's a statue. It's a statue. All right. Hopefully nobody comes in, but this is good to be. This is like a daily adventure for you guys.

Kind of. This is literally night. This is like a Tuesday night. And I got my finger chopped off. I don't know how to do that shit. What do you think? Einstein, huh? What are you doing, Joey?

You stole the thing? You went out there, you stole it. Yeah. Yeah, he stole it from this other room, and it's not supposed to be taken. It's like an apartment complex, like lobby. It's like decoration, so he took it. That's pretty gonzo.

He could... Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. It's gonzo. That's pretty gonzo. Thank you.

I really appreciate that. That's a positive spin on That's pretty Gonzo. Thank you. I really appreciate that. That's a positive spin on that. High praise from Johnny Depp. The cocaine is really kicking in, so I'm going to be watching this. Right at the end. That's great. Jim, just don't even look him in the eye. He's speaking.

If anything, they should be worried about me. They should be worried about me. That is a great goddamn pup. Great kick raising, eh? He's like a pirate. Hey, look at that. He's like a pirate, right? Mr. Depp.

All right. Don't let him talk. Are we going to make those snakes? Pull the mic away. Pirate. Pull the mic away from his stupid fucking face. Look at my shoulder. Yeah, look how good your fucking shoulder looks.

There he goes. Any chicks watching who want a piece of that, just go ahead and find me on Instagram. Why? What's your Instagram? Joey R. LaFleur. That's for like any hot chick. Joey's got... By the way, Mr. Depp.

Joey's got limerence, but. So here's the lead up, Mr. Depp. Joey goes, Joey's holding a giant golden dog. He goes, I got to go. I got work in the morning. You actually say, I have to go to work. I got to go to work. I gotta go. Knowing you guys,

I honestly thought he was about to fuck me. Now he brings it back in. It's like Melrose Boulevard. This is round three. It's a perfect three-act structure. Here's the big ending. I'm rapidly losing my balance more and more. And there goes the TV.

I smash the TV Fully breaks the TV Giant TV he breaks Not his How much did I end up charging you? Well so Let's finish It's almost over

Listen to Joey's explanation TV's are fragile What do you want out of me? Look at Gaines. He just loves this. You broke the TV, you fucking idiot. That's a big statue. TV's are precious.

They're fragile. He makes a good point. I've broken quite a few things in my time. But what happened was we looked around the room and noticed there was a camera pointed directly at us and then we said well maybe they're you know it's only saved for 24 hours so we can get away with this so let's just leave right now and then two days later i get a phone call from my apartment. I know it's about this, so I just didn't answer. Then I got an email saying, hey, after a careful

review of the footage, we know that you broke the TV. Call me back and let's resolve this. I called him realizing I have to. I would have loved to have never talked about this, but I called him and I just said, hey,

I was so drunk I didn't even remember it because I would have reported it, of course. But I called my friends. They confirmed that I broke it, so just bill me. Let me know what I got to do. And the guy was pretty cool about it. He was like, hey, that happened to me in Vegas one time and I was really drunk and my renter's insurance covered it

and stuff like that. And so maybe try that. And then they didn't give me a bill yet, but he goes, we'll see if we can just fix the screen. And if we can't, we'll just bill you for the whole TV. So I'm hoping it's like 2K max

and we can kind of just... This is a good excuse to use. Just you are so drunk that you don't remember certain things. That's your go-to. You showed us that, Johnny. It's foolproof. It's your go-to. You showed us that, Johnny. It's foolproof. It'll get you out of defamation.

Johnny, you're pretty philanthropic. Maybe you could pay for the TV. Yeah, Johnny, you have some money, right? Do you mind covering that? I make decent money, but it's like if it's like 5k, it's going to hurt. The one thing that, that, that I can assure you, I'm not paying for that fucking.

You fucking scumbag. God damn. We pick you up off a fucking street corner. Unbelievable, dude. Yeah, we literally, we found you, we found, we found you on fucking on 3rd Street fucking looking for heroin today. Heroin needles sticking out of your nuts. You'll set up a whole art show.

Track marks showing. Set up a whole art show for that guy who makes cum paintings. Face in the toilet, your head in the toilet. Fucking shoving Narcan up your nose. Your friend's art sucks, by the way. What was that guy's name? Yeah, your friend's art does stink. You gotta get a better eye.

You took it astray. You're an absolute drunk. Yeah, this is the last time stink. Yeah. You got to get a better eye. You took it astray. You're an absolute drunk. Yeah, this is the last time we do this. You need a champion, a better artist. Actually, I knew him since high school. Back in Kentucky. Kentucky, right. All right, why don't we wrap this up.

Johnny, do you have anything to plug? Your Twitter? You want to maybe get some fans? So now, is this the part where I break in? Yeah. What you have witnessed, folks, is Amber Heard's version of

Johnny Depp. I'm really actually quite pleasant. He's a good man. It's Captain Jack Live. I'm Captain Jack live. I'm back. This time I'm not... Hang on. I'm doing the wrong voice. Well, you can still do it. Johnny Depp's capable of doing

Captain Jack. It's Captain Jack live. This is not cocaine. Yes, it is. No, it's cocaine. This is real wine. That's real wine. You happen drinking wine out of a bottle. I love his face. That was the sweetest goddamn thing.

That was beautiful. Thank you. And I will say, like, before you showed up, the big thing, the big joke that we kept doing was like,

hey, at least Captain Jack's coming. He's a ray of goddamn sunshine. Joey and I had, we've had like a rough week. Joey and I were driving over here. We're like, God, at least fucking

Captain Jack's coming over tonight. He's like the most earnest guy. He's like the most friendly, grounded, down-to-earth. You're somehow the most well-adjusted human on the planet. For the record, I had no idea what version of Johnny they wanted until I got here. It was amazing, man.

The guy's a fucking professional. Any version of Johnny Depp you want. This is really me. I'm actually quite bubbly. Yeah, he kicks ass. I love these guys. Hey, watch. I have actually, since I was on the show last, I watch your guys' shit all the time.

I love you guys. Oh, thank you so much. Thanks, man. Anyway, patreon.com. Thanks, Mr. Depp. Slash hate watch podcast. Yeah, thank you, Mr. Depp. It's been a wonderful time, you know.

He doesn't get the camera. Well, can I get a photo with him? Yeah, we'll get a photo. Yeah, dude. time, you know. He doesn't get that. Can I get a photo? Huh? Can I get a photo with him? Yeah, we'll get a photo. Yeah, dude. No, no, don't give him a photo. Get the fuck away from me! Good night!