Hate Watch with Devan Costa - Let's Get Jacked (ft. Tommy Pope)

Episode Date: August 18, 2025

The great Tommy Pope joins the show for a highy intellectual discussion https://www.patreon.com/HateWatchPodcast

Just more than gasoline. you motherfuckers All right folks Hello Hello everybody We are here We're having a great time We're having a great day

With the great Tommy Pope One of my favorite comics In the whole fucking world One of my favorite people In the whole world I love him with all my fucking heart He's a Look at him

It's crazy He's unbelievable A handsome guy, Connor It hurts I mean I look like a little boy Compared to him Look you look like More handsome or Jack

I'm a tiny little little You look great. I get to high chair like this fucking retard. What the heck? Sorry, he can't say that. Look at this,

you old fucking quito. You old quito. You're all you are. Now we're up to it. All right. Okay, okay. This actually looks like a line. It's trying to be nice.

He's not the handsome. He's old. This looks like a line of people vying for the attention of Bonnie Blue. Dude, I would kill all of you for that fucking thing. She's in the bathroom. Would you actually,

would you fuck her? What? Yeah, I would too. I would too, but do you want to stand in line in like a balaclava? Like you're in the IRA? Like waiting to come on her face. Jacking off. Her face is already like fucking burning.

It's burning alive. I'd send an email to one of her producers go, you know? You type out. I get a ticket. Yeah. What would you type about? You type of.

Yeah. I go look. You go look at me. give you a t-shirt you go get me in front of the line you bring you go i'll do it for merch i feel like your plan is to bring you're gonna bring like ragu or something that's stuff island it really is nice i see them wearing stuff island's incredible i think she might do it much i think she might say yes to that's good merch she would i was kidding but yeah i would yeah you know i'd fuck her yes come on i mean who's gonna say no i know exactly whenever these guys go like dude that's gross i'm like

I don't know, she's getting tested in between. Well, the practice of it is gross. That's gross to be the guy. No, you don't want to be... You're the 50th guy. It's incredibly risky. I don't mind that. You don't want to be caught.

It's not risky. I think they get tested all the time. No, but you can't test for herpes. You can't test them. They have like an outbreak. Herpes? You don't have herpes? You don't have herpes?

Well, cock herpes is... Oh, cock herpes is bad. Cock herpes. I don't have that. You have herpes. You have umpetigo. We all have herpes. We all, I have mouth herpes.

80% of the people in the world have I don't it's been happening forever Devin has herbies because he fucked a bunch of kids on a wrestling mat one time that's what I was there when he got empathigo he made out with a weirdo I thought I had herpes like for a long time right Tommy and then I went to the doctor and they were like no you don't

herpes are not into your blood they're just like you're just a loud asshole you split your lips to wear it for being a loud Matt they told me I had like impotigo and I go how do you get that and they go that's from like dirty like mat Like, it's like, from, like, children, and I'm like,

are you calling me a pedophile? Like, what is this? This is the worst, the hospital visit of my life. Being in line to fuck a porn story, it's like, yeah, it's like a water park. It is. You wait patiently. Yeah, ride the blue. Which is your condom under one arm.

You keep going up to sit there. Your flotation device is the condom. What a stretch of an analogy? Yeah, yeah. Sure, sure. You're waiting fucking line. You're in line. They give you the con.

That's the tube. And you're going up the wooden steps. The steps are one of the steps? level and then you see the guy that works there and he's like, don't go down head first which means don't do it without a concept right, right, right.

And you sit there patient and go, I'm not going to go down head first. Yeah, and then you go down head first and you deal with the consequences. Exactly. You deal with it. I'm a water park god. But by the way, if it's not AIDS, you're kind of like

whatever. Exactly. And let's be honest, it's easy to get over AIDS. I've had it for years. It's fine. Yeah. And by the way, let's, Bonnie Blue, great. Lily Phillips, we should kill her. Yeah, who's that? She's the other one. I think she's much cuter.

I can't remember. Yeah, but Bonnie Blue fucking works. She means it. Oh, Lily Phillips is way hot. I know for her. She's like, signed to like a deal with the devil where it's like, okay, you can have fame and fortune, but you got to fuck a bunch of guys. Lily Phillips, you know, Bonnie Blue, she like signed up for it.

It's like a passion for us. It's kind of, it's kind like, it's kind of like the Wyatt Earp and Doc Holiday whores. Yeah. When they want to double down. Bonnie's Doc Holiday. Yeah.

Bonnie. Yeah. Bonnie is Doc Holiday because she's older. And she's died. Yeah. And she's died. Yeah.

And she's died. Dick Holliday. Cock holiday. Fuck. Yeah. Fuck. That'll be the last time you do that shit.

It's going to happen like 20 more times tonight. Damn it. By the way, last week. Last week. Bomb City, bitch. Give him the dunce cap for you. That's our first guest with the dunce cap. The great Tommy Pope.

Spin it for a spin it. Spin it. He's got out of here. He's doing it. It's a story. Take it up. It's actually a nice fit. It looks great on you.

You know what? It's one size fits hack. That piss up. Fuck. Tommy's about to start selling these. Giving Tom and the dust cap and the gun is crazy. No, it's not. It's not okay.

Yeah, where are we at? How many minutes we got left? What the fuck? Tommy likes to do 45 minutes per podcast, so I don't know. Yeah, I'm sorry, Tom. You're spilling yourself a little bit more. We don't have four. Do you just spill?

I grabbed the wrong one. This one was open. Can you guys give me one, actually, by the one? Go on a dick. And I want to real quick, apologize. This is a, we had to do this guest episode. And I know we don't usually do guest episodes. This is two in a row.

This is the second guest. This is the third guest episode of all time. And the second one was last week. Is it? With Donahue. We'd never do guest episodes. I honestly was so, I was like Donahue. I was so glad that he was gone.

I said, I hope he never comes back. And Connor's friends make me sick. And then Tommy, they announced you were coming. And I said, okay, good. Thank God, thank God. I can't tell him this fuck with me. No, he's not. No, he's sincere.

You were like the exception. But no, God, Donahue really fucked us bad. Dude, that was... That was the druggest weekend of my entire fucking life. He fucked us over pretty hard. He took a picture of Connors' assholes. That's pure love, dude. I mean, it's good advertising for the GoofCon, but...

Yeah, I sent my asshole to a lady who wants to kill black people, so if you want to listen to that episode, subscribe to the... It'll be on GoofCon later this month, and also I think I will have to edit a few things to make it... To make it legal. Devin, could you explain what the bit was because he just said, I sent my asshole to a lady that wants to kill black people. Yeah, what a great headline to subscribe. It's really fast.

I don't want to do it because I'll take too late. Let me just real quick, explain what you just said. Really quickly, we did a, you know, Joey does the prank calls. Joey put out a Craigslist ad. I don't, it was for, what was it for? Confederate reenactors. For Confederate reenactors. The first call Joey makes was,

some Ukrainian fucking immigrant lady that like spoke decent English and Joey starts leading her down this path of being like well listen are you okay with like

murder and the lady's like yeah okay I am okay I am okay with murder and Joey's like well I got a guy in my basement right now and I have a gun would you be willing to put the gun to his head and blow his

brain time and the lady goes Yeah, so, okay, I will do, I will do that. No, hang on, D.C., so it was, we said after the re- Of course, I didn't do it. It's never right. He always tells you to explain it. It's never right. Hold on, D.C.

10 seconds, correct correction here. I was correct. So, no, hang on. So, so, so, no. So we said, we have a lot of black guys, you know, reenacting us the slaves. So after the reenactment, what we do is we all go back to the plantation. That's right? me and you and the black guys

we got them for the whole night we got them for the whole night it's like a bug breaking thing parody by the way it's all parody it's all parody and we said yeah we're gonna buck break them and what a term

it also what a term what a term to glaze over just saying that casually by the way will buck break their mandingo fights possibly who knows which is fake apparently are you down to buck break them after are you down to buck break them

and then shoot them in the back of the head and kill And the lady literally agreed Okay, let's go back to that Okay, so Joey said that And the lady was like, yeah, sure, I will do, I will do Whatever Into it, you're making her sound like she was a clueless for her No, she was horny

She was horny She was horny entire thing So then it turned into the lady She was slipping out of her fucking seat She was sopping what? Dove got one on the page Yeah Go

I have a lot of editing to do For our legal purpose You sure do But um So yeah she did all that And then Joey goes, okay. And then Joey goes, you sound horny right now. Are you horny?

And she was like, little bit, I am a little horny. Joey asked her for pictures. And she starts setting pictures of her like pussy. She's like, standing on all fours. He was like, it's nuts. The pussy photo, I mean, I got to admit to myself, I was in a brown out, in and out the entire day. So shitty, dude.

But I swear to God, the photo I saw was one leg down, one leg completely vertical, and a pussy portray. pruding out of that. Yeah, it was why. I couldn't make sense of the photo. Yes. It was a butt cheek here and a pussy here.

She was a gymnast. And a leg straight down. Yes, she was an Olympic gymnast. So then it ultimately turned into, then she goes, well, I want to see you. So then Conner's hammered. We started debating. We're like, well, like, hey, who's the hottest guy? Obviously, Connor's.

First second, I go, I want to go, I was sober, but that's worse. Tommy wasn't here, so we said, who's the hottest guy. Well, we're talking about the hottest guy. butthole. We're not talking. I'll die on that fucking hill. I don't know. I imagine you got some hair, right? I don't know. Huh? You got some hair around there?

Yeah. Yeah, okay. Well, this guy somehow, he looks like a hairless cat. You should have seen my cherub, my cherub, my cherub little ass. Pink beauty. Angel wings around it. Just careless. Tommy's chef's kiss on his house. Connor goes to the bathroom. I'd kill a black dude in the basement for you.

You should meet this lady. So ultimately, Connor goes to the bathroom and he has. has Ryan take pictures of him and he's holding his assholes spread open. He's like smiling into the camera. No, no, no, no. I didn't show my face in that photo. Yeah, you did. No, I didn't. You're turning. No, I'm not. You could see your face

a little. No, I'm not. No, I'm not. You could see your face. Who's not the photo? You're highly, you're highly identifiable in it. Well, yeah. Show the picture. We have. Hold on. Let's move past this because we have a guest. Okay. We're talking about a past guest and whatever. I think he's enjoying it. I understand. Let me get to the story and then we'll finish it up.

It's like, you know, So, Conard does that. His face is fully visible. He's going to, he will be facing legal charges soon. Anyway, so Connor does that. He sends the picture to the lady. The lady goes, ooh, pretty, I'd love to eat that asshole. Nice.

And we're like, oh, my God, you sick bitch. First, you want to kill a black guy? I don't you want to eat his asshole. You're nuts. This is crazy. Yeah. And then, and then her husband. And then her husband interrupts the call.

like what are you to fuck it sounded like we made it up the husband interrupts the call is like you've been setting pictures your fucking pussy who is this a lot of people don't believe that it's real it's the most fake phone call i've ever heard of my entire life it sounds so fake but it was completely on it was completely real i have no idea how you do it you're literally a sick fuck yeah that was a sick maniac 80 point game 80 point game and also rebadding off of donnie his shit call having a guest each week and we shit on the prior guess. That's a good premise for a show.

Yeah. To tell the new guest, like, you're so much better than the last guy. That guy stunk. Ryan was great. Ryan crushed it. But yeah, all in all, that was what happened. And then later that night, Tommy, later that night, Connor's going through a full breakdown. He can't believe what he did. His wife was out of town.

He can't believe that he sent his asshole to some strange, probable fucking, like, equalizer prostitute. Like a woman that's being helped out by Denzel. Like, this woman, Denzel Washington, has killed, like, 30 men for her. That same night. It was insane. So then we go back to Connor's place. Connor's like, no, let's have a great time.

Let's have a great time. But I could tell it's in the back of his fucking mind. No, you dare. So we sit on his couch and Connor just keeps playing the most sad bastard music about it. Connor puts on hang me. Oh, hang me. No, no, no, no, no. Car by like the Lewin Davis soundtrack.

He's sitting there alone, just staring at the TV. We're all like, Connor, it's okay. We had a fun time. Carter's like, I get it. Fuck off. And he's just staring. I hate it. This pissed me off so much.

Why? I'm right. I didn't have the remote. You were playing the music. The remote was on the fucking counter. I was sitting taking a siesta because we've been fucking drinking for three days. You were going through it. I was taking a sitting bar nap because of you.

And I fully, I was like, let me take a little nap. I didn't play the music. The music was a meh. Uh-huh. Swear to God. All right. On my life. Okay, sure.

Auto-play on YouTube. Sure, my auto-play is depressing. It's really depressing auto-play. It was an insane amount of sad bastard music. The whole playlist was sad bastard music. I didn't play a single fucking song. Every fucking song was like, well, I'll be dead soon. And who hell is what'll happen?

Sent my asshole to a Ukrainian prostitute. And leave us. Oh, hey, me. It was brutal. You, it was, and then you got horribly, viciously ill for the whole week afterwards. You made yourself sick. That's karma. I don't like what you're doing right now.

This is fucked up. No, it's not. That's not. We're not depressed about sending your asshole. I'm telling the truth. You were impressed about sending your asshole. No, I was, I mean, I was just a, I wasn't just a blackout. I didn't even fucking remember.

I was truly so tired. Carter, I'm saying you're a great man that has morals and a, and a, and a, and a, and a compass and a wife, and you started going to wait. That's what I meant. You started going into a full-blown panic about what you did. The panic, hold on a second. Can I? Yes, please, Tommy, please.

The panic is not about what he did. Wow. The panic is the fear of never getting to be with that girl. For her to munch your fucking lungs, dude. I didn't mean this. I fucking mean this. No, Tommy's right.

Hold on. I had blue. I had blue balls. I had blue balls. It's not about blue balls. That fucking maniac will open your world. Yeah. Your eyes to whatever the fuck you always want it.

Yeah. That's the one. That's the one that will, it's every fucking, every box you ever want to check. You know, doing coke with a fucking check in a basement. Yeah. And she's just like bypasses your dick. Right, right.

Eat your ass. Yeah. Connor, that's exactly. Have you had that? Eating dessert before dinner? Has she, has a girl ever Tommy? Yes.

I mean this? I'm fucking mean this. You're a poet. No, I fucking mean it. Has a woman ever like throwing your legs up and just eating your ass before anything else? That's the, there was one time when a girl was very, is this, uh, Patreon? No, no, no, but we also don't give a shit. Check out stuff on.

I got a cooking show. Look at this Switch your paycheck Yes, you ate my fucking ass I ate my own ass Yeah check out PG-13 Hate Watch It's called Seth Island

There was a couple times Where it happened And it's very It's awkward There's a time Where you start going This is crazy I'm gonna wash up

You know I took a shower Yeah And I got all fours And this was like With a girl That I You got all fours

That's what you do Tommy It rocks Dude That's gay. No, it's so, no, no. It's so great. I think I was, I was with this girl for a while.

Okay. And I got on all force, and I played the game for a while. You got to play the game. You think you were with the girl for a while. Yeah, threw a football with my bird. There's nothing crazy about this. Tommy's a lived man. I agree.

This is great. I think when some media... I'm a virgin in this category, so that's what I'm asking him from the fucking underworld is calling into your show, saying she's going to murder her black people. all I can pick is sexuality. And she goes, send me a pick of your butthole. I don't know that's going to be the best lay of your life. You're actually on you.

And that's all I'm thinking about. It's not the dead kid. Right. In the fucking baby. While he's bleeding out. Connor's right. I'm not calling 911. I'm letting this girl do her thing.

By the way, I don't mean to throw Tommy. The car wash. Take me to the fucking car wash. Don't want to throw Tommy on the bus. He thinks to me that I've never had. Tommy's right. He's the sexual deviant at the same fucking time. No, he's not.

I'm engaged. He's engaged, relax. Don't follow me. Now he's slow. Well, you insult him a little bit. A little bit. He is. Self-admitted devious.

Tommy used to record himself having moans to jack off. Tommy does text very sexually. Do you know this story? You do, you text very sexually about it. You guys know the story. What happens? The story is crazy. Tell it.

Also, go fuck yourself. How dare you? You're getting buried after this. No, I'm not. I will tell this. Try your mess. He's being nuts right now. I know.

I apologize for Connor, man. No, I love him. What am I doing? I don't know. Setting my friend up. Setting him under the bus. Setting him up.

But I'm not sure he wants to tell it. Uh-huh. It's all I'm doing. Yeah. Is this Patreon? No. You want to ask like four more times or? Yeah, he was doing it on purpose.

At the end, if you really demand it, we can make it, Patreon. Okay, no. Are you going to do it? Tell it. You're fucking. You're kind of. It's right. very funny. It's a great story. He's also

told it like a million of fucking times. No, I've told it, I've told it a couple of times. I've told it once. And it's very embarrassing. This is insane. It's a great story. This is worse than showing your butt hole to a fucking check. No, it's not. No, it's not. No, it's not. It's not. It's not because... Wait, was it

in person? Hold on. I want to know one thing. Was it in person? No, no. No. He's going to tell it. We'll decide after. Drive. It's so insane. It's so insane. It's so insane. Sam Talent brought it up on a podcast. I was like, dude, well, are you saying that? Then I had to say it.

So, yeah, I was driving home. Okay, you know. Doing a little, yeah, yeah, yeah, you were skiing. A little spunk was skiing home. He's done, yeah. And I, this is before, like, cell phone footage and all that stuff. Uh-huh. Tommy's 85 years old, by the way.

Stop. I had a voice recorder. This is, right. This is during the Reagan administration. This is before. He's before an extreme. Watergate. Well, here's the, this is where you miss and shrew the reality of things.

I had a voice recorder that I would play. You had a dictophone. Let him tell us for it. Connor, come on, let him. I'm helping him. I've recorded with this, I used to fuck this black nurse when I lived in Philly. Used to fuck a black nurse in jelly. Yeah, black nurse.

She would get off a shift and it'd be like six in the morning. She'd be doing a 12 hour. Okay. And I would get up, she'd come in her scrubs, and then we'd fuck. And I didn't have, like, video or anything, and I would put. Was she playing music in a cup? She's yelling in a cup. She was playing Tray songs in a cup.

Some whiskily for deep cuts. No, where it comes from is I recorded us having sex on a voice recorder and it would just be her and I having sex and I'd beat off to that. Oh, yeah.

On the machine from Home Alone? What? Go on, sorry. Home Alone, One. a little voice record. Oh, let's jump down his throat. Let's jump down Joey's throat for interjecting during your phone. You're old enough to know that reference.

Sorry, can I hit your vape by the way? No, fuck off actually. Okay, well, so anyway, I would play this and beat off. Nice. While driving in the car. And this got down to... You would jack off to your own, like, like... That's okay.

He's not even there yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that... Oh, my God, this is a mess. I didn't say a goddamn word It's not that bad I like this Yeah so I made a recording

Of this Experience Audio recording of this experience Of her And I would do the Oh my god Tommy So you lost the recording

You horny You've already Fucking psycho We're missing steps. Tommy had recordings of him fucking a lady. Yeah. And then he lost a recording. Oh, so you reenacted.

You reenacted it. She asked for this. She goes, can, I said, I had this, like, a dictaphone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And she goes, can we play it? And then she started blowing me. And she, like, was holding it by her.

And it was you moaning in the phone? Yes. And her moaning. And then us fucking. And that was like a big thing for her. Oh, my God. That's crazy. So I got into it.

And I was like, you guys played with like a stick and a wheel afterwards. Yeah, and then it turned out and beat off on the road,

all cooked out on my skull, driving my fucking knees. He recreated the whole thing on his own. Do you at some point lose the recording and then beat really pissed off? Did you do the girl parts?

That's, yeah, I do. Oh, okay. I didn't do my parts. There was only girl parts. It wasn't a Disney Tommy's on I-95 Listen to his own voice going

Oh Yes And fully Tommy that is really weird Switching gears You're a handsome guy It's not that weird You're a successful great comic

But that's really weird You know it is That's creepy You know it's weird You're a pervert Tom You're pervert It's weird in theory

But like at the end of the day Life goes on There's I feel good telling you guys Tommy there's so many days there's so many days in a life and it's like that was one of them and it's fine

what the fuck are you doing no that's deep that's deep dude it is deep right you guys aren't hearing me there's so many days in a life and and that's one of his days yeah but he only we only would know about it because he told it

it was a great day all he had to do is not tell that and then we wouldn't think he's a fucking disgusting psychopath yeah yeah that's right back now It's a natural sexual thing to do. Record yourself as a woman.

I get that. Beat off while doing coke. I'm trying to think of anything. Going 120 miles an hour. Coke will make you jack off the crazy thing. You're speed racer. What do you guys do to get horny? Oh, you're better than me?

I just have no attack. What are you doing? I have no attack. What do you do, Burger King? Oh, my, my, my King. I'm not going to confess anything that crazy. Oh, yeah, my, my Kink is, my Kink's a little weird. My kink's a little strange.

I have to break the sound barrier and jack off to my own voice. By the way. It's kind of my old thing. By the way, you know what, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, I think, I, I kind of, I'm pretty hot, dude. I kind of, I kind of don't think, I think that's kind of in the same level of what Connor did. No, it's not even close.

I'm not pledging myself to what I did. I know, that's why it's, I'm full shame. No, hold on, listen to me. That's why it matches, because he actually got something out of it. You got nothing out of that. We got a fucking, we got the, we got the greatest prank call of all time out of it. Well, I might not even. post it was sick if you don't post that

hey I'm not kidding if you don't post that and I did that for nothing I'll fucking kill myself I'm not kidding that's got to bring us something if I did it for nothing I'm gone I'm kidding but I'm saying that you're not you have to listen to this

you know like listen Tommy at least he got some personal pleasure out of it like that's that's just as good as posting a stupid Patreon episode Comparing the two is crazy. I will say...

I don't think they're that crazy. What he said isn't that nuts. He's a fucking horny eye tie. A black nurse showing up when the sun's coming up. Sure. A black nurse showing up when the sun comes up. That sounds

that's like a Wayland Jennings song. The black nurse shows up when the sun comes up. No, a black nurse showing up when she's a loud out side. A black nurse coming out in a sun downtown?

Yeah. Come on now. I still think it's a win. I think it's awesome. Here's your green book. Why don't you take off? Here's your green book. Tommy, here's your cream book.

Go on. It's a... Tommy is... Tommy's driving a black man around America who jacks off in different hotels. I'd rather be Tommy in this than Connor. Your assholes floating around out there. You're straight in your cheeks.

Donahue is licking his chops, taking the picture. I'd much rather have like a horny, great kind of beautiful relationship with the black nurse. Yeah. No, I mean, yes. Obviously. I didn't bring Tommy into this to equate R2 experiences. No, you get a little bit. You insult him a little bit?

A little bit. You insult him a little bit? No, no, no. This one. This one. It's all the half a little bit. Hey, Tommy, can you watch Joe? I brought Tommy to the full to just say his justification, what I did, he's a different guy.

For sure. It's different, it's a different beast. Right, right. But the shame is still on me. I'm saying, our experience is not even close, but the guy justifying it is also a psycho. Tommy's lived an incredible life. Tommy's living in incredible life. He's telling you a story.

I'm okay with it. You just started. You just started. I thought it was great. And it's over. I had a wonderful experience. I'm jealous. I had a wonderful experience.

Yeah. Going exceptional speeds. Jerking off to my own voice, doing fucking key bumps, hiding a Coke in the back. Underneath the fucking floorboards, this is what I would do. Look at me. Yeah.

He left a board. Look at me. It was an infinity. G35X. I go in the back of course and go hit play and just fucking

rock out flying down fucking 95 the actual suck my dick I was having a good time I was having a good fucking time

you're a prude you're a prude what are you doing listen to yacht rock heading home how am I being approved to my own Connor's doing fucking coke

and breaking speed limits Connor drives on me blast Kendrick Lamar and he wishes that He was a black nurse that he was fucking. And you do the exact same thing. No, I only like their music. We went to a jackshack together when we were actually younger.

Well, we were, we were, when Joey and I at first met, we went to a jackshack. Oh, it's gone. Jackshack. Like a massage place that Jackson loved. They call him a jackshack. We went to a 24-hour one when I was, I was, I delivered bread at, uh, at this bakery in down to LA. I was like, yeah, all right. Delivered.

I would give him my loaf. I'd pinch a loaf. Oh, yeah. Sure you do. I would, and so I found this place that I would come home. I would come home at like 6 a.m., 7 a.m. And I was like, these people are so over. And I went, like, I went, I think I went five to six times.

And on like the fourth time, I started bringing like baguettes and croissants from the bakery that I worked at. I was like the pied piper of sadness. I would just walk around and be like, yeah, I would be like, here, here's some croissons. Here's some baguels. Here's some baguettes. Cressons to a jack shop. They loved me. They loved me.

They loved me. They were, because they were fucking tired. They're hungry. They were hungry. It was like, see the pigeons. No.

They were probably the best looking guy that was getting jacked off. That is also. Probably most of their client. That also helped me too. Because everyone else, like, everyone else looked like a character.

Not competing with much, but yeah, you are the best. Everyone else, yeah, look like a, like, Devin's see me leave at 5.30. And then you comment with that. Like, thank God it's not drawn.

John's a late shit. John ran the place. He was the mama son. I'd hand him the money. John got the black long. So Joey and I, so one time I think it was the first, was it the first

or second trip that you ever visited me? I think I lived here. You were living here, okay. I think it was the first, it was the first time Joey, like, moved here. And Joey, like, made a bunch of money, like, like, sports gambling online. It was internet poker.

You did internet poker. And you were like, I got deep. see i got like i made like three grand and it was a million dollars and to us that's like a billion dollars i'm like i think i'm 19 yeah joey's 20 21 or whatever i go you and i know a place he goes let's go get jacked let's go get jacked let's go get jacked let's go get jacked debon at this time had like zero dollars never be just so funny no money let's get jack let's get jacked yeah so we got baby we're up let's go it's a verb Let's get jacked, honey

We got 80 bucks We go to shit One of us gets checked We go to this place And and it's No one's attractive They're like But they're like professionals

Like they You know it's kind of like going to like Cafe Dumonde in New Orleans Where you're kind of like man These ladies They know how to put the powdered sugar On the bion Like they're just masters at it

Their hands are And they give you a good massage And then at the end You can just kind of look away and be like, what do you do? What are you touching me? All right, I'll put up with it. Yeah.

It would happen, right? So I take Joey to this place, and I'm doing my thing. I'm in there, and the lady's massaging me, and then another lady runs in, and she goes like, that's how they talk. David actually speaks French. Thai, that's like. I say, Cafe Dumas. I speak Thai.

I speak Cafe Dumas. I think that's French. So then I'm like, what? And they keep looking. me, they go, your friend, your friend, your friend. And I'm like, what the hell's going on? And they lead me out, and I walk over to Joey's room, and Joey's like, I knock on Joey's room, and Joey's like, yeah, I'm waiting.

I guess Joey's lady didn't realize what he was there for her. So Joey was like chubbing himself up. They're like, this guy, they're like, this guy needs a room. He's so drunk. Like, this guy needs to sleep. For my point of view, here's what I want. There's another whore. No, that is actually what I was thinking.

So I won this money. I would sit at Devon's house because we would chill all day. What are you looking for, a vape or what? Hey, hey, Joe's, hit joys. No. You never share your vape. It's always mine. I have the flu.

He has the flu. No, he doesn't. We all have the flu from you. What terrible podcasting guys. Unbelievable. I'm sorry about these guys, Tom. I'm sorry about it. No, that's Connor's full.

No, it's like, we got a big star here. I know, I'm trying to shut the-off. That's crazy. I do look up to you. I've always thought you're kind of like a weird, like, long-lost cousin of mine. You feel like, like, some weird family of my mind. It's bizarre to me. You do have a similar look.

I don't know. I've always connected. If you went behind that door and I knocked and you said, I'm waiting. I would get it, dude. I come in there and I beat you the fuck off. Okay, okay. I had of respect. I would beat you.

But so here's my story. From my point of view. I wouldn't take tips. I go, I win this amount. I'm playing internet poker at Devon's house in my laptop. Win much money. I was playing a lot of poker at the time.

Devin hears it goes like, oh, we gotta get jacked. We go there. We gotta get jacked. We go. Saying this so serious. We, I did. I was like totally like,

dude, I had nothing in my life. I had just. You're negative. Tommy, I used to be the fattest man in town. I had just lost weight. I had graduated high school. I started smoking weed and I started losing weight. All I would do, I would come home, I would eat

fucking apples, and I'd pour whipped cream on them. I put whipped cream on the apples, and I eat the apples, all I ate, and I started losing weight because I started, like, actually walking for the funny rabbit. Because weed made me be like, oh, my God, trees, that's crazy. I think I'll take a walk for the first time my fucking fat fuck life. And I started walking, and I lost the little weight. I don't know where.

I don't know what happened. I grew or something. You sort of lowering the calories walking around. You don't know what happened? I was a fat fuck. No, but I was, like, fat as shit in high school. I had never thought anyone would ever touch my, my fucking, my penins. It's a miracle that it ever had.

Except for a paid whore. Well, Connor, you know, I hadn't paid them yet. She sees me differently, dude. She sees me different. Wow, an angel. I'm ready for you, angel. What if I started, I started, like, attacking car? I'm like, you've never, you've only had one woman touch your dick.

Dumbass. Anyway, Joe. Okay, let me finish this. So, I'm still new to L.A. at this point. I'm from South Dakota. Hillbilly, like, you don't have zero jackshacks, right? Nothing. We don't know anything about jacks there.

Live in Seattle there for a bit for five years, but never went to a jackjack. Hored up a little bit, but from like, Franksville. Hored up. Hurt it up a little bit. But never a jack jack jack jack. Never a jack check, yeah. Never even heard of a jack jack jack jack. Yeah, right.

So Devin's like, oh, this place. They'll jack you. They'll jack you. You hell less money. They'll jack us. Let's go. Let's go. So I'm like, hey, well, I'm like, this sounds weird, but I guess, uh, I believe you.

Should we go there? And I actually, in my mind, think, I don't know the subtleties of like, you got to be like, there's a code. Some of them are legitimate masseuses. So I get there and I go, I'm like, I'm like, bored and I'm like, I don't even really want to get checked off that bad. but I'm like, Devin wants to do it, and this sounds funny. So, but yeah, I'm laying in my massage bed, and I start chubbing up just in front of her. I'm kind of like, just like, when you're like, assume when you, like, you lift the hood up for your mechanic.

I'm kind of just lazily just being like, okay, chubbing up being like, all right, let's get to the jack thing. But she starts going like, yeah! She's like, getting hysterical. She runs into the hallway all hysterical She starts banging on Devon's door Devon's me while it's getting jacked off Actually No no no they ran into my room

I did I never check out after No it never happened to me You told me you got jacked I I don't think it did I think I left with you I think I left with you You told me you got jacked off You know I was waiting in the parking lot for like 15 minutes Because you got jacked off

I'm quite sure This was like 10 years ago. I have a feeling that I'm pretty sure. I almost got my life on it. But then anyways, Devon comes out and I'm like, Devin's like, what happened? She was like really screaming. Like, she, you were. I think you like did something wrong.

And I was like, I was chopping up. I thought there was a jack shack. I was chopping up. I was chopping up. Listen, pal. Breathing through your fucking teeth goes, I was chombing up. No, Joey's fooling. What's this Asian lady's pop?

He's a 1920s 16-year-old Asian girl. And I was just coming up. I dare you. You know, you're a fucking child. She was an old lady. Chuck me off.

Just jerk me off. Chet. Imagine being a fucking... Imagine being a... That's just a... is a sex. Legitimate. Yeah, she's open to

No, she wasn't. Why wouldn't she tack me off? You just did it wrong. This woman was fucking, she was taken from Cambodia. I, no, no,

she's probably 18 years ago. She definitely was taken. She was older. She was older. Imagine walking into podcast, Ken over here. I'm ready. We're just going to fucking sleep

over here all of a sudden. I love you, you know identity is Professor Snape. Professor Snape. I'm right now, dude. I look like Snape. I've never seen a man want to look like Snape.

I love Snape. You're Professor Rape. That's what you are. What the heck? Whoa, man. Turk and mouth in front of a lady is not rape. Louis Sakey, he agrees with me. Also, I was deceived by Devin.

He said, this is a jack-check. Yeah, but you don't start doing it. Stop right there. Go ahead, Tommy. You have to wait. There's a couple. I've been to a bunch of, a bunch of, jerk off, I'll call him Jack Shacks.

So you've done this. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, right. Yeah, I did a, this is not happening about the first time. Right. That was, like, the most powerful one. But there was, like, four or five of them that I went to, and it's the saddest thing in the world. So you go into this, you know.

It is often being. Jack Shack. It was a little waiting area, and they got one TV playing, like, sports center. You're hanging around old men. Yeah. And they give you, like, Bush lights, like little ponies. What that? Oh, that's not...

This is way different than over here. You got some weird stuff. This is like a pure... They don't give you beers at the art. This is America? This is Philly. This is Philadelphia. Oh, God.

Sounds like deer hunter. It really sounds amazing. As you walk to where you get like, there's like a soda room where you get splashed the wash, they called it. Yeah. And as you pass, you'd see rooms that are just like sleeping bags and there's like a little fucking... All right, that's... Yeah, this is... These were not like that.

Oh, do you want to hear the reality of what you're talking about? Sorry. All right. So, and there's like little bathtubs for them with like toothbrushes and shit. But it's like truly like they're, they're slaves. This is like Lee and Lisa's about to break it. Yeah. Yeah, they wash you and then you go down to one room and you'll hear a knock when you're ready.

All right. Well, that's, that's horrific. Devin is the king of that, by the way. He's like, don't give me the reality of what's actually had. No, but I've never seen that. By the way, you know that place in Burbank. It's not the wine. restaurant on

San Fernando no right by like urban outfiters is that wine press place oh next to the AMC they used to be like the like the newsstand place the guy who bought it it was a new stand that was like from here to that wall it was tiny he bought it

didn't realize it was like 3,000 square feet they knocked the wall down it's all just these corridors of sleeping bags mattresses like the wire In Burbank, in downtown Burbank, there was a full long, like, drug trafficking, sex trafficking

ring that was happening. And there was like meth pipes and syringes all over place and just mattresses laid out everywhere. Yeah, these girls need croiss in shit. And that was happening after we saw a scott. Get her some pastry. Bring them pastry.

We're watching We're watching grownups. We're watching grownups. Shing has a sweet tooth. Get her fucking pastry. But that was great. That was like such a neighborhood spot where it's like I'm watching a movie as a

fucking 15 year old kid right Right behind my eyes There's a fucking place One of the places we went to was above a bar As soon as you come off 76 Entering downtown Philadelphia There's like a legendary bar And the second level was all a geish

It was a wash Yeah What do you call jerk jerk? Jack Jack Jack Jack Jack and you would sit there And once they like got to know you, they kick everybody out like 2 a.m. And if they liked

you, they knew what the deal was. And then the door opened on the side and all these girls would come down. That's why I didn't get Jack by the way. They knew Devin. They knew Devin. That's why. Like rush hour. I like to imagine the Philly ones, like they're like from Philly, they're wearing Eagles jerseys. They're like, dude, you're fucking retorn me.

I'm a fucking Jack, you're fucking Eagle off, bro. What are you going to fuck me shit? It's probably the opposite because they're Lives are wearing Eagles jersey. Like, that's not one I want. No. Already had that one.

We had a, Jalen hurts is fucking disgusting. We had L.A. Like, suck your fucking dick. We had L.A. like rush hour ones. Damn it. We had L.A. rush hour ones that are like, wipe yourself off.

You're coming. Yeah, fuck. No, it's, it is a, it's a, it was, it wasn't, it wasn't fun. It was like a sad. It was a sad. Well, you felt good, actually, a couple times. You love it.

A few times you'd be like, this is fucked up. It's great. What am I doing? It's great. I think I had a dud. If I, it would have been fun for me if she would have. No, I think you just started too early and it was, it turned into a weird. She thought you were a cop, dude.

You're supposed to, like, wait for the end of it. You're supposed to wait. That's what cops do. They're supposed to start jacking off. The cops can't start jacking off. Yeah, that's, if I was a cop and if I was a crazy sex traffic woman and some guy came in start jacking off in me that immediately I think he's a car. I actually just read a famous story on the front page

of Reddit where it was about a bunch of busts in like Colorado or something and then everyone was like, yeah, the local PD has been having sex with the prostitutes and then arresting them. Literally like the South Park episode. They can do that. Where they're fucking them and then arrest them. Freeze! And then they still get sucked

off. No, Joey came in like the dancing bear. It was like just fucking jacking off. And they're like, whoa, Jesus Christ. If I'm an undercover cop last thing I'm doing is starting to jack off. If I want to, like, prosecute, that's the worst. You take that to court, and she's like, yeah, what if they have a fucking surveillance

thing? Oh, he's sort of jacking off first? That's crazy. You were Donnie Fatso for jacksacks. He did Donnie Fatso last time. You're a pencil neck. More time about, more time my undercover cops again. I'm sorry.

Let's show your asshole again. I'm gladly. I'll do it again. Yeah, good. We need that because you stink. without it. I mean, your asshole. It's so mean. It's so mean. It's so mean.

Joey gets mean. I got me. He's so mean, Joe. He speaks to Adam. Shut up. That wasn't me. You called me a Faso or something. Oh. Donnie Fatser. I don't remember what you said to me. Pencil neck piece of shit. Donnie Fatscho's way meaner. You're fucking nuts, dude. I love you so much.

You're recording your own fucking jacking off. and I'm not too. Yeah, it's a great time. He's moaning into his own like a little recorder and jacking off on the road. He's been on a good time. Whatever.

Wack up. Whatever. That's crazy. What? What the heck? What the heck? What the hell? Okay, whatever, guys.

What's the next thing? I'll get off. We have no, we're not, we don't watch videos with guests. There's no point in watching videos with guests. Oh, you want. I mean, I mean, I mean, why would we? Why?

We're in a good con. Let's watch some. I agree that Tommy will love, actually. Yeah. Okay. We got to share headphones, though. All right. This is one that

might be that hard to listen to. I got, I got, I got, like, the thing that was going, like, viral today. That, like,

girl on that weird dating show. Oh. Everyone's like, that's on weird. Dude, justice for her. Yeah. Why is everyone being so?

I don't know. One that said she's a butterface? Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. No. No. No.

That's that. That was crazy. Smoke. Smoking on. She was hot. Yeah. She looked on makeup. Like young Fiona Apple.

Smoke. Beautiful. This is what he's talking about with an apple ice. Get out of here. He's talking about where these, uh, like, jerk shack. Jack shack. Jack shack. I accept mine, by the way, too.

Mine is a slam dunk. Guarantee. What was? I didn't get anything to it. This is like, uh... Your text on your phone. Well, don't, we, air drop it. You can always air drop it to my computer.

It's like you, you're a fucking eye message who's linked to the computer. What are all? he's talking about this this is a video of a girl who was like do like one of the like jubilee videos yeah what's like uh you know eight girls friends of eight guys yeah and like she is the sweetest girl i've ever seen in my entire life yeah and all the guys are like it's brutal we'll watch video share look look at this all right so give tommy like one headphone. Make sure you can hear those. Okay, I'm Riley, I'm 24, I'm from Houston, Texas, and honestly I'm down for any good adventure. I just got scuba dive

certified and I'm handing to go to Australia this summer so I'm super excited about that and then I just picked up skiing like two years ago and I honestly love any themed party like those are like my favorite things to go to my favorite things to plan and I'm looking for someone that wants to be my adventure buddy and it's someone that I can trust in and is going to be there for me. Aw.

No one steps forward. Oh my God. Jesus Christ. She's a little autistic. Well, yeah, she's a little... Yeah, she's a lot of autistic. Dude, it's... This breaks my fucking heart.

Okay, here's the thing. She's nervous. I looked into this. Apparently, there's a wall. They can't see her. They're just hearing her. And they're like, eh,

it sounds too, too earnest to suck me off. I don't want to go, I don't want to fucking watch Lilo and Stitch with this. But they can't see her. She's so cute. But they can see her.

I don't think they can see her. I know, but I love her dearly. Me too. She's not saying the right thing. She's saying all the right things. She wants to go to Australia? She's scuba and I have certified.

But it's like, but it's like, who wants the fuck your like sister? Like she has sister vibe. Her problem is that she has like, like she's too earnest. She's too, it's almost too pure. She's got that,

You don't want to take down purity. She's got that braces sound, though, where she's like, I want to go to Achryalia and like, a little bit of that. Yeah. Tommy. What do you think about this, Tommy? I think this is most of ours porn hub searches. Yeah. That is true, actually.

It is. It's a regular girl? Honey. But I think that these guys, I think, I think we are, we are so over sexualized. I think these guys are going, like, she would never, she would never even do that or something. That woman's a. She's a freak. You scan those guys, they're fucking dorks.

They're dorks. They don't deserve this woman. They're not incels. They're fucking dorks. They're losers. I saw a tweet the other day I was like, who could. That's my red-headed jack-shad.

If your butthole and your nipples match your hair color, side of them. She lives in a trifect. And that means any race. That means any race, too, by the way. She lives in a sleeping. It all can happen, no matter where you are. This poor.

lady lives in a sleeping bag in the back of the mandarin end. No, no, too late. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Get over here, motherfucker. I'll kill you. I'll fucking kill you. Can we fight on the end of this? Yeah. Tommy would fucking break my neck. Maybe this is

Pedro. Why wouldn't it be? It's Patreon. It's Patriot. You're okay. Will this be better on the fucking main? Do whatever you want. Do whatever. You say whatever you want. Can you really go off? He's tricking you. He's tricking you. Just go off. It's Patreon now.

As opposed to what I already said? No, you didn't really. really do you didn't do that much crazy stuff Tommy what you didn't say that much crazy stuff self-track tape that's why you're talented because you got me thinking I want a little more I want it to think this is what Sturred did to people

they trick you into saying the craziest stuff this woman also by the way is an absolute freak I don't know about that I don't know I don't think she's ever had sex I think she writes she reads like sexual fan fiction about fucking Draco Malfoy wants to do you as stuff but she hasn't no no no no no no

I don't know John here. I don't think she's that crazy. No, her whole thing is she laid up what she wants from a guy. And if you do that, you're fucking, she doesn't add that. No, she said nothing personal about what she wants from her guy. She just wants to, like, go, like, hiking and Zion and shit. Oh, she's fucking... She wants to explore and all this.

She wants a companion to fucking 69 the top of Mount Everest. She wants someone to match her free. Am I wrong? I'm 100% agree with you. Are you guys literally saying you can't hear something in her voice that goes, Maybe I've never actually pulled my pants down. No, dude. She might, she might be approved.

I fully agree with you. But she wants someone to do the thing she wants to do. And she will suck your soul out at Matchu Peach. She's a bad chick. She's a bad chick. I know this breed. Yeah. Yeah?

This breed locks eyes and makes love to your dick. And here's what she does next, which a lot of these little piglets don't do. Poh. And I fucking. I fucking mean this wholeheartedly. She will ride you and do a shift at a pace that you are not, she'll buck you, dude.

You know why? She bucks you. Because she's a horse girl. Because she's a horse girl. 100%. She's a horse girl. She's a fucking horse girl. Yeah, you're right.

God damn. She has a horse girl. Tommy is right. She's a horse. Yeah. And she makes noises that you can never ever comprehend. The only, she makes, she makes, she makes noises.

She makes noise that Tommy. Corns. You just jumped on my chest. I couldn't do it. The only thing that's ever made, the only thing that's ever made her Combus Sea Biscuit, yeah, I get that. And that girl will give you everything you

need sexually. Oh, DC. Yeah, you got to teach her, though. D.C. by the way. She's going to teach you. I get it. Yeah, I think he's right. She's beautiful, but she's not.

I get the vibe of, like, never had sex before. She's not sexy. I don't think she's never had sex before. Which is what you want. Oh, no, you don't want sex. You want a cute, wholesome girl. No, that's kind of it. I don't know.

Oh, so, D.C., here's a thing. These guys aren't in the trenches. They're not going to jackshacks. I custom pick this video. For Tommy. For Tommy, this is custom. This is the one you dissent to me? Yeah.

I go, yeah, she's not sexy. She's not. And so, everyone's going to enjoy this. But I thought, I saw this, and I thought Tommy will like this a lot. This video that I have pulled up right now? Yes. So it's a really touching eulogy at a funeral from a funeral that you probably would never be at, Tommy. What does that supposed to mean?

Because it's a black funeral? Yes. I got a hard friend. He's playing a million. You kidding me? Okay, watch, watch, watch. Oh, there you say that. Guys, be quiet.

Sick. You're sick man. You're sick man. What? Tommy is the one who doesn't have black friends. He has more black friends. He's plenty, like, more than us. Than us, actually.

Yeah, collectively. Ours all killed themselves. We had one that he's dead That's true We had another one Kind of the drowned too Couldn't float Kind of a ridiculous death

Hey Craig We were not friends with that guy Guys guys We could have been Refresh and start this over We're talking right over the intro We could have been

A rest of peace up with Craig That was my brother bro Hey When I started my first club In Bakersfield Craig said Stacey P I'm gonna give you

the money. Make sure my name is on the flyer and we did that Craig Hunter. Hey, bro, I love you. I love you, bro. I don't even want to like put you in the grave right now, Mike. But we gonna do this shit, though. Oh, he saw, he saw Miss City Crip. She thought they were gonna start like cheering, but they're like, get off. They're like, go. Stop. I don't want to bury you, bro, but you are criminal! You dead-ass hell, baby! Is she asking for the money that they planned on getting together?

No, she was just, like, shouting him out in a way that was, like, so disrespectful. I mean loving you, baby, but you're dead. You're a skeleton now, baby. I hate to be burying you, but God is God's time. Well, but you go six feet under, baby. And then she thought everyone was going to start going like, yeah. She thought they were already like, yeah, yes, yes, yes. But they're like, okay, get off stage.

Yeah, yeah, they're like the video. That was her family going like, okay, enough, please. Is she excited that they had a show? She thought that was death jam at the Apollo. We could have been something, Cray. She goes, this is, this is dead? What do you say is this dead jam at the Apollo? This motherfucker dead.

Joey's like, I have a video time he's going to love. It's Wanda Sykes at the Apollo. Codden the heck on that. Cray, why you're sleeping so long, Cray? We got monies to make, Cray. Wake up, Cray. Maybe the time, me, you. What's doing that show?

Me, you, Cray. Yeah, well, you're supposed to split that 50-50, motherfucker. You ain't done that now, Craig. Now, here you are. Getting a good little dirt nap, Craig. You getting that dirt nap, Craig. All that takes up, I'm going to talk to your mama dead as it is, Craig. I'm going to get mine's.

I'm going to get mine, Craig, because we head shook. We're ass-soaked. We're head-shocked on that shit, Craig. 50-fitty, Craig. on crick I've thrown you to money baby It's your luck It's like

Cicorna forever Oh my She'd after like Cress You still owe me See I told you fucking Tommy Would love that Sorry

I did that I was very confused The first I loved getting a dirt nap I knew he would do a lot on that Rest in peace uncle Craig RIP Craig Rest in peace Uncle Craig

God damn it Fuck man That was so good Hey what is this Is this a big tires guy Craig in the casket like, that's my dog. Very good. Right.

Because he said dog. Yeah. Am I right? Put the hat on. Jesus Christ. No. What are you kidding me? Christ, oh my God.

Tires Season 3 with Craig. Well, no, what? Nothing? From anybody? You're going to leave me hanging here? I'm fucking being brilliant. Oh, you're great, man. I'm amazing.

Thanks for having me. You just letting me hang in the wind? What? Questioning why you're bombing while you're wearing the hat is so funny What did I do? What's your problem? What's your problem? Huh?

What are you for me? I didn't do this. You did this. Because you shit, that's all bitch. Fuck. Shut up, Tommy. You fucking. You watch women in sleeping bags.

You didn't do anything about it. You could have easily like fucking, you could have easily like fucking opened a door and let them out. but you did it. You could have been John Wick that night, but you didn't do anything. You just let these women keep being held gaped them. Fuck. By the way, very sweetly,

the first time we did stuff Island, you were so nervous. I was, because I had seen them a couple times, and I was like, these are real people. And it was so funny, because I knew both of you independently. I was like, Tommy is the man. Devin's the man. And I was like, they're the same fucking guy.

Yeah. And I had to convince him to do it. Yeah? Like Chris was like, yeah, come through it. And I was like, great, we'll do it. That's what we went to the bar around the corner. Yeah, we went to Magi's all. He was, okay, such a wonderful time.

Yes, that we had, I had one of the most memorable days of my life. But Tommy, here's the thing. Like, I don't know how to do, like, podcast where it's like I'm meeting the person for the first time and that we just talk. Yeah. I don't. It's the hardest thing to do in the way. I don't understand it. Like, I want to do.

Thank God we met up before this. Yeah. I want to be really funny, and I want to, like, know them and have, like, a good mood. Like, I want to be lubed up and talk well. Yeah, yeah. And this whole thing is, like, every podcast is just kind of, like, people are just kind of using each other as, like, different ads for their podcast. And I'm like, it's not that good. Yeah.

And I want it to be really funny. So, Connor was like, yeah, you can be on stuff fine. I was like, okay, well, can you be on it with me? Because I don't know. I don't know. Well, that was always the plan. Yeah, but I don't know how to, like, show up in New York and be like, hey, Tommy. And hey, Chris.

And let's. Do a, let's talk now. Have you ever jerked off to your own voice? You got to get to know each other. You understand? Jerk, Shaq, Jack, Jack. Jack. Jack.

You can't. I think we nailed this. No, but I'm not done. Jesus, we're not done at all. You don't send off. Oh, sorry, sorry. I flew all the way here. No, I thought, no, we have to do one more.

by the way. Sorry, Tommy. I got to do the main after. Yeah, right. Tommy has to go to a serious dinner. I know. He canceled. He canceled. He canceled as dinner.

10, 12 agents. You had dinner with agents? 12 agents. You don't need an agent. Just me and a pack of juice going to a jack jack jack. We're having fun now, huh? Did we start yet? Big bag.

That's crazy. Bing, bang, pow! I've never seen like an Italian thing before. That was crazy. God damn it. That was awesome. By the way, you're way more Irish than you'd like to admit. It's so, he's Henry Hill.

But you're fully like, I'm Italian. That's what you can everybody be in May. Earlier tonight, we were earlier today, we were like sitting out at that bar and Tommy had this weird, like, nervous energy. I was like, Tommy, it's not a. helicopter it's a southwest flight relax it's a 747 you can it's okay we're safe here yeah 20,000 feet what were you saying oh no it's just like one of those things where i was like dude this is i matched me in heaven i couldn't imagine a more like perfect coupling because like i don't like lack to admit but it's like me and chris are very similar yeah where it's like

cagey weird guys who are thinking way too much all the time sometimes autism does speak huh yes And you and Tommy, I'm like, that's a matchman. It's like, it's the same podcast meeting each other, but it's like, it's like, what Superman's like alter ego, the car can. No, no, no, no, the, the, the, the, the dumb, super, bizarro. It's like, bizarre is Superman meeting Superman. I was like, it's going to be fucking great. Yeah. And, uh, you were so hesitant. And I was like, I'm telling you.

And it was one of my favorite days in my life. We went to Maggie's Hall. Yeah, we got so exhausted before doing the podcast. Dude, oh my God. It was so funny. It was like, we had. I remember you saying this or I don't know if it was you or Devin

going like this should have been the podcast Dude the entire time Like one he said it like We're at Maggie's Hall I talk so much We wasted all these jobs Well unfortunately we were talking about a lot of real people Yeah

True I talk so much shit about Adam Adam what's his name I don't Adam moon's everything Oh Conover I was talking so much about Adam Conover

And it was so funny I was like this should be the podcast and then we ended that and then on the way back to this place it was nuts we're like got two bottles of tequila we got like 25 beers it was crazy it was probably the most

I ever drank in my entire life and somehow I was I felt totally co-jured I was so cognizant because I was I had such a great time and the adrenaline was and I was just I just loved it man I had such a great time it was so much fun man it was also before I even joined this podcast because it's still living in New York

and the anxiety I had of doing a podcast was through the fucking roof like the release date of that podcast it's coming out on Wednesday or whatever this day and I was like

I'm gonna kill myself and now that's completely washed away because I do this every fucking week but that was my first exposure to being like I was crazy for the first time my entire life speaking freely on a microphone

and I was showing your asshole or anything and here we are two years later I'm showing my fucking assol I'm like yeah I recorded myself moaning To my own voice

It was just not It was podcasting boys It was just so fucking great man That was a great day I told Tommy This is not a lie I genuinely like I listen to Stuff Island

Like I'll drive to the gym And I put you guys on We all do I really enjoy you guys a lot It reminds me of that time It reminds me of just people That like I feel like comfortable with And I get

I get where you and Chris are always coming from I always understand what's going on. I just love you guys. No, I feel like a freak sometimes because, like, I have a paris social relationship with my own friends. Yeah. Because I listen to the show.

Yeah, yeah. And I'm always like, I feel like I shouldn't know this. And then Tommy comes to town. I'm always like, I know already. I know the story. But to your point, it's almost like a dog barking and stuff in the mirror.

Exactly. Yeah. Like your podcast and our podcast, you're like, I get that. I'd like to listen to that. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly.

Yeah. You listen to your own shit. You're like, yeah, the fuck. Yeah. It's just always nice. And I think that's why, like, this podcast's success, stuff out of success. Being true friendship, like, on a podcast is the ultimate product. Dude, this is a jerk shack right now.

It's a jackshay. But I'm saying, I'm saying, let's end this. Let's jerky chipsdown. I'm sorry. Maybe I was being a little gay. No, I love that. No, but it's like, the product should be just friendship. And it's like, that's why we're isn't with you.

That's vice versa. Yes, exactly. The product is like just. because it's very it's friends it's rare it's fucking rare I mean he came to your fucking

crackton tonight he was like this is awesome yeah I know my home is it's like the home from fight club yeah

yeah it's crazy it's retarded I've yet to make it my own you know but uh this I just all I've all I've ever cared about

is like doing the thing I don't really care I put my head on a pillow and I wake up and I go let's do another podcast let's let's make more stuff I don't really care about my home I watch TV

and I go, well, my eyes are on the TV. Who gives a shit about all the bullshit around me? I'm a lazy asshole with that. Like, I actually could live in squalor for the rest of my life. All I care about is my friends and people that I respect comedically and love and funny and laughing. And that's when I'm taken out of the reality of life, which is, well, we all will die horrible deaths. And I don't like thinking of that. That's fine, yeah.

No, no, but it terrifies me. I think about it constantly And the only thing that takes me out of it is laughing And I love people that make me laugh That is the gay That was so much gayer than what I said So much gay, right? But also beautiful.

We all said beautiful things tonight But like, oh, I'm that's really gay. Well, it's going to happen, Connor. You never know it'll happen to you. I have a lot of beautiful thoughts I'm not going to share, but I have a lot of beautiful thoughts. You probably will get killed You'll get killed by the husband of a woman

you sent your asshole to her. That's my anxiety It'll be a really bad moment How dare you? Oh, some of you would extrapolate on something else But no, that's my That's my ever-present

Anxiety right now John Dick She's gonna come after you too John Dick No man John Dick I thought that was good It was good

It's good It's just two me a second It's like I don't like Ever I got a pen and paper It's amazing I love that Like some stuff down

That's really good But yeah DC let's end this goddamn hunk of shit why have a good time we got to do that episode oh right right sorry well thank you for having me

love you yeah yeah thank you for being here God bless everybody I appreciate follow Tommy on all his things obviously already if you're listening to this you already know the fuck he is

also by the way we're touring lemon party next month September September 20 4th to the 28th 8th. Yeah, go to lemon party

lemmon party. Limeparty. Life. Life. Life. By that. And then me and Ben are doing a cringe in Austin.

We added a, they added a stand-up show in Austin. Yeah. Come to that. Rumor, Tommy might be on that show. Tommy's definitely on the show. Yeah.

Also might be to Houston with us. There you go. I'm going to Houston. I might go to Houston. Houston. Houston. Houston, which is an interesting place to go

if you want to do stand-up as you hear Amber. alerts for stolen children in the entire LA as well Jack shacked up Houston is like the king of that shit On the dismount On the dismount

Thank you for listening folks We love you so much Good night guys I love you guys Bye bye bye