Hate Watch with Devan Costa - Ordinary People

Episode Date: September 12, 2022

John tells everyone his family lineage is full of Nazis, Devan talks about going to a job interview to be a sign spinner, we all share road rage stories and then watch Jon Stewart yell at a guy at the park Get weekly bonus episodes: https://www.patreon.com/HateWatchPodcast Join the Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/hatewatchpod/ Available on all platforms. Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/hate-watch-with-devan-costa/id1459356319 Follow the pod on Twitter: https://twitter.com/Hate_watch_pod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hatewatchpod/ Follow on Twitter: https://twitter.com/devancosta Follow on IG: https://www.instagram.com/devanjamescosta/

It's good to be in something from the ground floor. I came too late for that. I know. But lately I'm getting the feeling that I came in at the end. The best is over. Many Americans, I think, feel that way. The light thing every time.

Yeah, I did. I was trying to get back support, but you can't go back far enough. The thing almost broke last time because of the light. Wasn't the light. The light has generated heat. The camera's right there. It was a 105 degree day.

That was it. It wasn't the light. Every day with you, it's like it's a Groundhog Day. I mean, listen. I'm trying to fix this place up a little bit and whip it into shape. The equipment's failing, and I'm trying to fix stuff. Yeah. Whip it.

Whatever. The Bears are sharing a podcast. We're dealing with these otters. Where'd you get that shirt, John? I got it in a... Where were we? Mike Tyson shirt. I'm in Tokyo today.

I paid fucking 30... Okay, so I went to the Gene Autry Museum. You paid 30 bucks for that? It's like some fake... They printed it this morning. It's going to peel off. I was wearing a Hawaiian shirt. They were making Moki

and they just printed that real quick. I was wearing a Hawaiian shirt to the Gene Autry Museum because they had a Hawaiian shirt exhibit. There's a Gene Autry Museum? Gene Autry? I'm sleep deprived. If anybody makes fun of me, I will kill you all

on this podcast. I'll do it. They have all these guns and shit. It's like a Wild West Museum, but they have a Western fashion exhibit. I've been to the Gene Autry Museum by the LA Zoo. They have a movie theater with free movies. It was fun. As a kid, you can go and, it's great. They have a movie theater with free movies. You just go there. It was fun. As a kid, you can go and there's just statues.

They have it all mimicked. It's good, bad statues. Well, no, now it's way more social justice-y. They're really emphasizing Native Americans now. And it's like, shut the fuck up. As a kid, you can walk into a room and it was like Gene Autry, like a mannequin would sing a song about the savages. They have a poster of a bunch of cowboys

lifting a passed out Native American woman off of a horse and I walked by it and I was like, this is kind of weird. Passed out Native American woman off a horse? Yeah, they raped her. No, but there's a Western clothing exhibit with, like, Hawaiian shirts, Pendleton flannels

and fringe. It was really good. They had, like, Buffalo Bill's jacket from the Wild West show. You should start wearing, like, fringe in your, like and fringe. It was really good. I had Buffalo Bills jacket from the Wild West show. You should start wearing fringe in your day-to-day life. Dude, I would look like I skin beavers. You at your bar in fringe trying to do cocktail moves but fucking it up. You flip it and then just fucking

agave juice explodes. Yeah, like hibiscus syrup. What is fringe? What are you talking about? Fringe, like Butch Cassidy shit. Like the shit that comes off of leather jackets. Yeah. But they had that. Me and Jordan went, but we both wore vintage wine shirts.

It was like a cute thing. You guys ever been to the Japanese internment camp museum? I refuse. Because I'm actually a Japanese internment truther. I believe it didn't happen. What do you think they were doing? George Takai is a fucking CIA agent. No.

Well, okay. What do you think they were doing? I'm going is a fucking CIA agent. No, well, okay. What do you think they were doing? I'm going to do a real hot take right now. You think it was just like Hero Dreams of Sushi? It was like a boot camp for like rolling, like making rolls? I'm going to do a real hot take right now. Okay. That wasn't the hot take? That's not it?

Get ready. You have a hotter one? You think Asian people don't exist? The reason those Japanese internment camps were like kick-started in the first place is because a Japanese fighter pilot crash-landed on the island of Kauai, and the Japanese community around him hid him for, like, two weeks from Americans.

So after that, they were like, oh, we can't trust these fuckers. Let's put them in camp. Obviously a bit of a jump. You know what I mean? What you just said doesn't mean it still didn't exist. No, no, that didn't. No, I'm fucking with you. You're just saying the reason they existed is bullshit and that. Well, I mean, like mean it still didn't exist. No, no. I'm fucking with you. You're just saying the reason they existed is bullshit.

Well, I mean, it was the 40s. What do you expect? You agree with it? I agree. I would have been back there putting them in. You like rounding people up. Yeah, I like rounding people up. It's kind of your main game.

No, I just remember my grandma talking, because my grandma was a first-generation American. Her parents were German, and she was just like, yeah, I remember. The Germans, let's listen to them about human rights. They're not around people. My grandmother's brother was questioned by the FBI because she had literal cousins that were

Nazis and shit. It was crazy. She remembers, she grew up on Laguna Beach in World War II. He's admitting to so much right now. Josh is starting the podcast off like, listen, I'm a Nazi. So our family changed our name from Himmler at Ellis Island. It's actually my name. I've been living in Argentina for years.

I have like met my former Nazi relatives. I had one that was alive that was like in Hitler's youth. They didn't like it. They had to do it. But like, yeah, you know do it. Right. Yeah. That's what they say now. Yeah. What are you going to say?

Best time of my life. Yeah, you're like, dude, it actually kicked ass for a while. I peaked in the internment camp. That's what they say at the TSA, too. Yeah. There's a few of us. I'm just doing my job. Nazi.

It's like my grandma's cousin's side of the family. One of them was actually in a prisoner of war camp in america like he was like captured and like uh but the thing is is like my back to that my grandma remembers my grandma remembers like being like oh they're rounding up the japanese they're gonna take me next because she was german and like all of her fucking family were like germans back in germany yeah big talk for a german yeah well here's here's what i think it was i think my great-grandmother was actually Jewish. Her last name was fucking Steinmetz, and she had brown curly hair, and she was married to a fucking German guy.

But they left in 1925, so I think they just saw. And there was no real reason for them to leave because they came from a very good family. So I think they saw the writing on the wall and came to America because it was starting to get kind of anti-Semitic there at the time. Right. saw the writing on the wall and came to america because it's starting to get kind of anti-semitic there at the time right um but uh yeah i have nazi relatives and they like they were hardcore nazis i mean the tracks yeah yeah there's a pipeline from nazi relatives to michelle obama has a penis no like i have family that like took part on the blitz on france like they like like this my grandmother's cousin was literally like yeah to be fair i would also invade france

just yeah france sucks but he was also like he also got like imprisoned in the soviet union like a lot of them didn't go back to germany to like family sucks ass they don't know how to hide no they did they do so actually everyone in your family's gonna care here's so actually funny story i went back to germany visited my fucking grandma's cousin alfred is the youngest one he recently died he was like in hitler's youth and he said um in hitler's youth it sounds like a punk band yeah you were like he was the all-stars he was in hitler's youth no that was like the little kid hitler no no no i know but just to call it hitler's youth hitler's youth hitler's youth sounds like it's on pbs it's like the mickey mouse club Hitler's youth. I thought it was Hitler's youth. Hitler's youth sounds like it's on PBS.

It's like the Mickey Mouse Club. Today's little letter of the day is J for Jew. Remember when Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears were in Hitler's youth? Right, yeah. It was, so I visited him and he said like. Hitler tears. Yeah, they're teaching you how to measure skull sizes.

Your chronology. No, so he was like 80 years old, and he was like going blind, and he was like, oh, so I remember like when the SS, they came to his house, and like he got hit by like a hand grenade or some shit. God, I think they're dopey, too. Clumsy, just like you. Dude, I'm super clumsy.

Pulling grenades out of their pockets like, that's not my gun. Yeah, yeah. Pointing their gun backwards and firing it. Yeah, all those suicides in your family. Real suspect. I think they're a bunch of dopes. Everyone in my family is like a bipolar mud man in Germany. You had an uncle who turned the shower on while he was in it.

Oh, yeah. He's like all the way hot. They thought the chambers were a sauna. Like, oh, this is good for the shock proteins. It was his own steam room. Fast muscle twitch fiber joe rogan told me to gas myself i can't breathe in steam room he's talking about the hang of his dong after a thing uh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah What? John, did you do coke earlier? You were on. No, this is the first day I've had a good night's sleep in nine days. Oh, damn. I've been working nights. Lucky you.

Ying and yang. We traded places. I haven't slept for four days. I'm all goofy. Why is your back? I don't want to get into it. Yeah, right. I don't know what's going on.

I got a new black boyfriend who's been fucking the shit out of me. All those buck shots. Yeah. I'm dating this guy named Ramon. I met downtown LA. Doing a... I think I'm going to go meet J-Lo. This is too many people for a podcast.

I'm going to be honest. Real quick, if you're a hot chick on Instagram, my name is Joey R. LaFleur on there and I eat ass. Oh my God. Why's that? Why'd you say, what's that going to do?

Just to get chicks to add me. I hate hearing you, Mike. I'll be back. Jordan's down the street. I'm going to go to the gold room. We're going to go to Fifth Mike soon. We'll see ya. We're getting that installed very soon. Oh, I'm sorry, buddy. Here, I can scoot over to like here.

Bye, Joey. One of my Nazi relatives was implied in the plot to kill Hitler. One of your Nazi relatives was impolite? Implied. What are the chances you have all these Nazi relatives, but every time you bring them up, there's like this spin where they're like, yeah, but they were like one of the good ones. No, no, no. They were trying to kill Hitler.

They hated Jews. I'm going to throw that out there. Like, there's no way they didn't hate Jews. There's no way. There's no fucking way. Whoa, dude. Whoa, dude. there's no way there's no way there's no whoa there's no fucking way they didn't hey not all nazis hated jews okay no no i i agree with you richie like i i love those guys were like i like you know like everybody had to hate jews it was you had to yeah you say that now yeah no they for sure you know they were they they hated it but You know, after

a couple months, they were like, they do look like rats. Some of the shit blow their brains out. People hate Jews now. After a few months, they're like, they're so just hungry all the time. It's annoying the shit out of them. I know. People hate Jews now and they're not even ruining the world as bad as they were then when we had to do something with them.

It's like, hey, we give you a cigarette a week, alright? Knock it off up one of my favorite things about germans is they they're still incredibly is that they're nazis yeah that's what i'm saying is hitler they're still incredibly anti-semitic but they like hide behind this sheen of liberalism so like in a great example this is in the town where my family's from there's a church and like i you go to the church it's's like this beautiful German cathedral. And like they have this placard outside and it's like inside this church is very anti-Semitic like murals. But that was a sign. It was like the warning at the beginning of the Looney Tunes fucking episode.

Oh, sure. Like this is not changing anything. It's historical. And you go in there and there's literally carvings on the side of the walls of hook-nosed Jews stealing babies away in the night. And they're like taking them and throwing them in a campfire. Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

So it's pretty realistic yeah it's wild they're just insane people i don't like how you can't bring it up when you go there i've heard that many times from people that would be the only thing i say to people i'd be like you fucking feel this right now it's how about hitler huh what happened there well they always say it's anyone that gave me any sass i'd be like what's what happened there huh you're responsible for the worst man ever. Yeah. Don't give me any shit.

You'd wear a t-shirt that said you did the Holocaust. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm not even married. Of course. And a shirt with Obama on it with a Hitler stash from my 2009 collection. And you go, where did that stash come from? Fucking you.

You. Fucking you. You'd be like reading Man's Search for Meaning like LeBron with the autobiography of Malcolm X. Just the first page on every cafe you're in. He has like 10 pictures of him reading the first page. You've seen the video where they ask him what he likes about the book, right? Yeah. It's like two years into him carrying around.

He's just like, you know, the full word is great. Yep. Great prologue. He was a strong man, Malcolm X, and he was assassinated at the Lorraine Motel. He gets it wrong. They're like, that's Martin Luther King Jr. LeBron. I didn't know where he was.

I didn't know Martin Luther King Jr. Wait, how did he get killed? He got shot. By one of your relatives. He got shot by one of those three-named guys, like Harry Dean Stanton. Well, he was snipe, right? Ordinary fucking people.

Ordinary fucking people, huh? And he just killed him. He was a rancor. That's what he said right before. He was ordinary fucking people, huh? Ordinary fucking people, huh? Yeah, David Wentz just right next to him. Wow, great shot, bucko.

You just blew his brains off, kid. That's great, Scout. But it was like a sniper, right? Yeah. Yeah, like a rifle, kid. That's great, Scout. But it was like a sniper, right? Yeah. Yeah, like a rifle, yeah. That's crazy. They don't do that. They didn't trip him.

Yeah. They low-towered Martin Luther King. They low-bridged him. Panced him. They broke his ankles on the court. He died of shame. They put a big bucket of water on his hotel door and rang the bell. Yeah, when he was taking a shit, they got all these

napkins wet and they threw them over into the stall. They upper deckered him to death. They put a shit in a paper bag and then lit it on fire. You try to step on it and it just exploded. Rest in peace. I went to his house in Atlanta and there was just a black guy

playing a saxophone and a ski mask but you didn't know he got assassinated i knew he got assassinated wait i knew he got a set i didn't know how he did it like what did how they did it to him no he didn't do it i knew it was a way he actually ran over and there was a gun set up and he he fired it and he ran back to the balcony and he got he's so fast because you know they're much faster than us and he got there in time and jumped in front of the bull. It was like a saw contraption.

Yeah, it was like Home Alone. There was a big string tied to a gun trigger. There was a big can of paint that flew. That's right. Yeah, they had a rope filled with kerosene and he was slipping all over it trying to get to the third floor. Why are there so many booby traps in this house?

He's trying to sneak a little black girl into a school. The school's all loaded with shit. I do like imagining him talking like that in real life, the same way he gave speeches. That's what he says all the time. He's like, I just love cheating on my wife. That's what he says all the time. He's like, I just love cheating on my wife.

He's like, the CIA is pushing me to suicide. They've been ruining my life. Yeah, just said Hertz like, I'd like to rent a mid-size sedan. Preferably year 62 or later. What do you mean you don't have my reservation, Hertz rental car? This is not okay. Martin Luther King Jr. at McDonald's, what do you mean the ice cream machine is being cleaned? I ordered the sauce on the side,

and it is all amongst the rest of my vegetables. I've heard on tiktok that that is bullshit the ice cream machine works and you're just being lacy i look at racism and i say bye felicia here we go yeah look who's not sleepy anymore. Oh, yeah. Woke you right up. Somebody needed their morning cup of riff. Am I right, folks? I legitimately feel like I'm drunk right now. It's gradually.

It feels dangerous to drive. I like being really sleep deprived a couple times a month. You're a lot sillier. You don't get nervous as much because you're like, who gives a shit? It makes it more creative. I like it for a day, but four days in a row, I just start feeling like i'm just gonna like start yelling at people and stuff is it pain do you like wake up in pain or what yeah it's just my because i started working out again my back it's really fucking tight so i wake up at like three in the morning and i just can't go back to

i stretch for like an hour and then it's fine but then i can't go back to sleep after like stretching for an hour so yeah you just watch pornography for nine hours and then come over here. Yeah. Jesus Christ. I get that. You always think beating off is going to be in there, brother. Don't know why I can't sleep. I'm just watching porn for 12 hours every day.

Don't get it. Yeah. But a guy cut me off on the way here and I just, I held on the horn. Just like I did the minute long horn hold, which is something I would never do. You're so tired. You're like, I don't care if anyone has a gun. The road rage incident ends my life. Yeah.

Just blow my brains out. I don't care. Have you guys had any like crazy road rage? Oh, my fucking God, dude. I had a guy, a Korean guy get out of his car and run up to mine and start like punching my window. Really? Just because you held your eyes sideways at him.

I mean, yeah, he saw that picture of me on the spanish olympic team i threw a cup of coffee at a guy oh shit what'd he do on a human brutally cut me off like i was it was literally on his car not on his car his window was down i had a full oh shit was it hot uh i No, it was like iced coffee. So you were walking. No, I wasn't walking. I was in my vehicle. He literally...

How'd you throw it out the car? You can't even throw. I've seen you throw. No, I'm horrible. No, so what happened was I was on Glendale, and this dude... You know when they just are like, fuck it, I'm just going into this lane.

And they just like... He pushed into the lane, and I had to slam on the brakes, and then I got next to him and I took my coffee. I rolled the passenger side window down and I just fucking threw it against his window.

Hell yeah, dude. And he was like, I think he was gay. You never get, you never get this. You really are a penis. Yeah. He had gay like movements.

It was a hate crime. He had like gay fear. Uh huh. You know? Yeah, it's cause you're a real Nazi, dude. Yeah. You're like throwing coffee at gay men. You-huh. You know? Yeah, it's because you're a real Nazi, dude. Yeah. That's why you're throwing coffee at gay men. You're a magnet for hate crimes.

Of course they killed gays. Did they have open gay? Were people openly gay back then, though? I don't think there were gay guys before like 1960. Like, honey! Oh my god, honey! They're in the camps. I don't know.

Gay Jew. Gay old Jew. There's a guy with striped pajamas with a crop top. He's walking around the fucking camps. I don't know. Gay Jew. Gay old Jew. There's a guy with striped pajamas with a crop top. He's walking around the fucking camps. Guy going into the shower. It's like, oh, Chuck Potter. Bingo.

The Yas Queen in the striped pajamas. Mordecai is such a fucking fact. Dude, I can't stand it. And on the 8th, we only had enough lube for one day but it lasted us for eight days and eight crazy nights and the walk guide for the monkey i'll tell you seamus seamus needs a colonic yeah badly he chased me and like filmed me and then i went home my ex-girlfriend and i was like you know when you you're violent and you feel ashamed about what you did? No, I've never had that. Oh, really? I got violent

and I felt ashamed about what I did and scared. Yeah, because anytime I've done anything like that, you get home and you're like, they're going to bust through my door and kill me. It wasn't that. It was like, God, I didn't scare a guy.

What did you do at that gas station when that lady, do you even want to bring this up? I'll bring it up. It's funny as shit. Maybe the most impulsive, weird thing I've ever done. No, I did nothing to anybody. I maybe hurt a community of people with the impression I might,

I mean, I'm about to do it, but I was like pulling into a gas station, super hungover and tired and bitter and angry and you know, just another Tuesday. Yeah, sure. And I pull in to the first one i didn't do the thing where i go to the second one i was just tired and you know

and when i a lady in front of me was like what are you doing like so she had to go around me and then back up into the other one and i was was already out of my car. So when she got out of her car, I could tell I was about to get talked to. And I was just not in the mood. So she gets out of her car and she goes, You know, you could have just pulled up. And I go, I'm sorry! And I started flailing my body against the car. And just pretending I'm retarded.

Yeah, you're retarded. And then she was just like, oh. And then like turned around. And I think she knew I was doing an impression, but she thought anybody that is this insane is like more dangerous than anyone. And I am. I'll fucking kill you.

No, I don't know. It's just, I was just so tired and hungover and like not in the mood for like, excuse me! What are you doing? I was like, fuck you. What if I'm retarded, huh? What if I was? Yeah, you try to retard. What if I was? Yeah, exactly!

Huh? You feel pretty bad about yourself, huh? You, you piece of shit. That's crazy. Can Down syndrome people drive? Is that allowed? I don't know. Yeah, they have cars with piece of shit. That's crazy. Can Down syndrome people drive? Is that allowed? I don't know. They have cars with buttons and shit. It's like a Fisher-Price car.

You just always have to turn the defrost on because they lick the windows from the inside. Yeah, that's right. They think their window's an icicle. It's not a popsicle, Billy. Just drive the car. Jesus. What a start to this. They can drive, but it has to be an ice cream truck.

Yeah. Ah, yeah. I'm trying to think. Anyone ever done anything like that? I mean, you guys all saw me fight a guy. That was about it. But I felt really bad after that. Yeah, but that's just because you're like a good person.

You didn't really do anything wrong that night. No, he came at me all of them yeah yeah i felt really good and then i felt bad about how good i felt it felt like shooting heroin because i never got that much dopamine in my life yeah because it's like what you're supposed to do this you're supposed to choke people in front of your friends and then like protect them yeah yeah now this story always goes the same way go i felt bad about that we go no you were fucking manly yeah yeah no it's like i might as well been an ape with a job i'm like just beating another and then the spoke uh zarathura songs playing the whole time yeah but instead you're at a parking lot outside of a bar hammer fisting a man yeah i've never felt more alive. Crunch. My friends are going to love me. I know.

It's not like an MMA fight that goes too long. Yeah, exactly. Herb Dean was just watching the whole time. You're just hammer punching him on the ground. Was he hurt? Was the man hurt? No, he was fine, I'm sure. You choked him? I choked him and then I threw him into the street. He died long. He got hit by a bus. He went down a sewer and fell on a knife.

I got racist with an Armenian man two months ago for fucking with my sister. What did you say verbatim? Oh, what happened? So my sister was... My brother-in-law had to get an emergency MRI. He just had this weird thing happen. And he was getting numb in half his face. It was really bizarre. So the ambulance ambulance picked them up and my sister's all

worried and shit and like you know she just got married so she's all terrified and uh i'm calling her i'm at this garage store across the street and i hear her on the phone like being antagonized by an armenian guy uh-huh and like she's like what are you doing and he's like i'm like what's happening and she's like this guy my sister just has a little table outside huntington hospital and i'm just fucking doxing myself and then uh fucking this guy's just putting his whole lunch on her table like it's her little it's like a table like half the size of this uh and he's just like putting all his food on there and she's like i'm used this is my table like what are you doing and um obviously he doesn't see her as a human being because she's a woman or some shit. So I get into my car. Very good. You're being woke. Good

job villainizing him. It's culture. It's just culture. I care about women more than I'm not being racist. You're going to want to make this guy the antagonist before you say that you're about to say great work. It's a real when the student becomes the teacher type moment. I'm laying a foundation. When advanced learning is you exaggerate the bad thing he did. You're like, he pulled his dick out and started jerking off. I'm sorry, I hate rape. Yeah, exactly.

So I hop in my car. I'll have rage mode where I'll hear it. I'm like, are you okay? And then she's like, yeah, this guy's just... And I'm like, I'll be right there where I'll hear it, and I'm like, are you okay? And then she's like, yeah, this guy's just... And I'm like, I'll be right there. I hang up. She's like three minutes away. I jump in my car.

I'm furious. I drive up there, and I see this fat fucking Armenian fuck just standing next to my sister. And he's unloading all this shit, and I pull out. I'm in the emergency room lane. I get out of the car, and I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? He doesn't know who the fuck I am. And right i'm gonna get your shit off of her table and he starts arguing with me and he's like calling her a bitch and shit and i'm like and his wife comes how do you sound like what type what type of honestly my sister said he called her a bitch i couldn't

understand a fucking word he was saying if i knew he called her a bitch i would have fucking like done some shit but i didn't know that he called her bitch after the fact my sister's like you know he's calling me he was like he called me a bitch i, but I didn't know that he called her bitch after the fact. My sister was like, you know, he's calling me. He was like, he called me a bitch. I was like, I didn't hear that at all. But he was speaking. I mean, Armenian. And I just started speaking back to him in fake Armenian. I was just like, oh, you know, like all that dumb shit.

Yeah. And his wife's there. His wife's there. All that dumb shit. You know all that dumb shit. Her language. Yeah, the dumb ass. I just started being like, all that dumb shit.

And then, sorry, all my Armenian. I grew up in Glendale. I love Armenians. Anyway, so. But you guys go too sorry, all my army. I grew up in Glendale. I love Armenians. Anyway, so, but you guys go too far. You guys go too far. And,

uh, there's people in every culture. This is just January six, the podcast. So I fucking, I'm like stormed the hospital. His wife comes over and she's like, stop hitting on my man to my sister

my sister's like a beautiful young lady on my sister's like a beautiful young lady and this guy's like a fucking bridge troll what did she look like the she looked big fake concrete ass and like fucking big fake lips and i was like shut the fuck up and i'm like yelling these people i'm telling this guy and he's like and then he my favorite thing ever is he goes full like third world bazaar on me and starts walking away and screaming at me in Armenian spitting in my direction. It was fucking awesome. And I'm like, all right, fuck off. And then my sister's like, we have to get out of here.

We have to fucking get out of here. She's nervous. She's a little nervous. And I'm like, you can go home. I said, I'm going to finish. I had a smoothie. I was like, I'm sitting at this fucking table and I'm finishing my smoothie. You got to take your victory lap.

So I sat there. That's a real alpha move to get in a fight with a guy and then get your little smoothie. Yeah, I was like, do some shit. I was like, do some shit. So I sat at the table and stared at him and his wife while I slowly finished my smoothie, threw it away, then got in my car, which was still blocking the emergency lane. Right. So you were also blocking people trying to like rush their like.

It was like a guy with like his lungs blown out. They're dying family members and you drank your smoothie and you're the good guy. I'm the hero. But the funny thing was, here's the funniest part. It's like I get home, and my sister wouldn't stop bragging about it for like two days. She's like, John, this is so fucking cool. She was turned on. Yeah, dude.

Dude, I think you have a chance with her. Yeah, dude. It was just fucking, you know. Violence makes people happy if it's not like them interacting. Exactly. What are we going to do right after this? We're going to watch men beat the shit out of each other and cheer. fucking you know violence makes people happy if it's not like them interacting what exactly what are we gonna do right after this we're gonna watch men beat the shit out of each other yeah cheer it's wonderful in a cage so that's what you're like you know your friends saw you choke a guy

i know you're like i like how you compared jace actually getting in a physical confrontation with you being racist just being yeah just getting in an argument my swords were worse no jace took like a really long time to analyze the situation. Didn't want to get involved. You were like, I parked in the emergency lane. Blocked off the whole hospital. Charged up to him. What do you think an Armenian duel is like? It's just they just try and shoot each other with their vapes.

They both want to head in one direction. They go, big cloud, bro. They play chicken in their fucking Lexuses. They just try to hit each other down. They just spray fake cologne at each other. They run into a whole kindergarten class. Sideways, they're holding cologne sideways. Fuck you, bro.

Fuck you, bro. They got some good food, though. I'll catch you at Cheesecake Factory, bro. Do that Cheesecake Factory. I'm going to break your iPhone and not repair it, you son of a bitch. Catch me at Hartuk, Vartuk, Hartukian, and Associates. We are a big law firm. What's that mountain they love?

Mount Arafat? That's Yasser. Ararat. Yeah, they love that mountain. Good time. Yeah, I've never yelled violent insultss a race of people i think that's how you go well john didn't wasn't he was only racist in the retelling of the story and telling us about the story but he didn't say you're fucking with my sister like i'm gonna like

all all the say anything about me you want but you fuck with my family you're fucking with my family yeah all the cards are on the table like I'm pulling on Christmas Eve yeah no but that's the thing

like I'm gonna I will do that's my fucking sister see I would only I would only defend myself do anything you want to my family but don't be mean to me I just

cause it really hurts my feelings do not but you weren't racist to the guy in the fight. I was mimicking Armenian. To him? At him, yes. Oh, really?

You were going... Yes. That's the whole story. That's what he was doing. What are you doing out here? So you were being racist. I did do that, too. That's why he started spitting at me.

Man. Because he got owned, dude. Yeah. You wilded out at him. You owned him, dude.ed him yeah fuck yeah that guy was a noob yeah you got fucking destroyed you got fucking i sundan yeah you know scoped him how does he come back from that dude he saw he sounds like a retard he speaks like 14 languages i speak one and i just copy his right and he still feels like a retard and he has to spit at me fuck yeah dude you put six feet deep under the Americone, bro.

Exactly. Yeah. Don't fuck with my sister. Don't lay your Burger King out on their fucking table. I don't give a shit. I do not. It's rude. That's a weird thing that's happening lately where I've been at coffee shops working on

my computer at a table and maybe there's the corner of it's open, but it's like, no, it's the, I'm here now. And a guy will just come up and be like, can I sit here? And like eat his breakfast sandwich and drink coffee and go on his phone. And I'm just like, okay. But I'm like, you're an absolute sociopath. Yeah, yeah.

Who does this? Have you ever seen job interviews in the Starbucks? Yeah. That might be my favorite thing. That's always brutal. It's always for a dog walk in your service. It's always you want to walk up to the person and be like, you don't do this.

This will ruin your life. Whatever this job is. I had a job interview. Door-to-door solar cells yeah you should kill yourself right now and you know your employer's like a complete like just a just a just a bum yeah if they're like listen let's meet up tomorrow let me go over your resume there's a real great coffee shop it's called starbucks right because you know they're also telling them like listen my office is being fumigated normally i I have a big, big office. They work out of the back of a nail salon. It's all good.

Just interviewing Huell at a Starbucks. There's no tables open? Are there other tables open? It was out. There's tables inside. I was sitting outside at a stool table where there's, like, stools implanted in the sidewalk, and there's just, like, a little table. And technically somebody could sit there if I had a friend with me. But it's, like, walking by somebody sitting in their car and being like,

Hey, dude, I'm just, my legs are a little, can I get, like, just sit in the passenger seat for a second? Right. You're on a motorcycle, so I'm going to just straddle you. Yeah, can I get out of in the passenger seat for a second right you're on a motorcycle some guy just straddles it can I get on the back real quick I need to give these puppies a rest riding a bike yeah

can I get on your pegs yeah you guys want to hear one of the most tragic moments I only ride on pegs dude on the front pegs calling an Uber for a bicycle

so you can ride on the pegs dude they do that in Austin they have all the bike taxis. Shut the fuck up. If you've ever been. Are they the carded ones or they're literally the carded ones? Yeah, it's like a low rider bike. I would love that cholo with a big fucking huge

handlebars. Oh, God, turn facing him. His shorts are getting caught up in the fucking thing. Yes, big white socks are getting sucked into the chain. Yeah, the only guy who has to roll his socks down so he can ride his bike.

Fuck. How do they do that? That's crazy. What? Their socks are up and they ride those bikes. Their socks are way up, dude. Yeah, but they're like skin tight. Yeah, they are like almost like pantyhose. Yeah. Have you ever seen a chow put his socks Yeah. It is like it's, yeah. Have you ever seen a cholo put his socks on?

It's like they have to like roll it up into the ball and then like slough it. Like your grandmother, like when she takes them off the same way. It's like the scene from The Graduate. Yeah. It's kind of like a cholo at home. Just hanging them on a line. Are you going to fuck me, fool?

At the end of A Long Day, he sits down in his bed, and he's like, ooh, child. My bunions. My varicose veins is crazy today, child. Yeah, just a guy with a goatee and a Dodgers cap. Dude, the cello at my work,

they just changed it. We had to wear pants, but they just made a... You can do shorts now in the summer. And the cello showed up in shorts, huge fucking knee socks. I fucking like lost my mind. Amazing.

I like, I was going crazy, but you can't like just turn it and be like, dude, fucking nice. Sick. You just, I picture you in my imagination.

Dude, I do not view you as real. I also like that quick thing you glossed over that your job doing that, like letting you guys do that now. They're like, no more raises going forward, but you can wear shorts. Yeah, we're like, woo!

We know it's been hot lately, and Gavin Newsom is forcing us all to turn off the air conditioning every day. We are going to be shutting down the AC every day. The AC will be off every day and we're lowering your pay, but you can wear shorts. I had a job interview at a Starbucks

back when I was like 19. Oh, really? Science spinner interview? Yeah, science spinner interview. That's the beginning of our friendship. I love that they even make you interview for that job. Yeah, right. Wait, what are your qualifications?

I have arms? What are your qualifications? I have Yeah, right. Wait, what are your qualifications? I have arms. What are your qualifications? I have no other options. Yeah, what are you talking about? I remember the guy in the interview, like literally a guy in a suit interviewed me in an office. It was like insane, dude. I had no clue what was happening.

I'm like, for a sign holding job? Like what? And he goes, well, you know, I just, are you okay making a fool of yourself, you know? And I was like I do it every day so did you make up

did you make a resume and everything yeah literally I couldn't get a job as a dishwasher this is 2010 like right after everything collapsed

nobody could get a job I couldn't get a so I dishwashing jobs you needed experience and I'm like what like I couldn't even get my foot

in the shittiest door possible you couldn't get a job that makes you want to kill yourself right it was like i was like about to start hooking you you would have you almost like needed to go to jail so you could get a job out of prison but i remember this isn't i didn't even get this sign holding job. Oh, my God. I applied for multiple. Oh, my God. It was a big market at the time.

It was the only thing on Craigslist. You were like dad during the Depression, like opening the newspaper. Yeah, I was like circling the classifieds. Slicing a big ham paper thin and laying it. My wife giving me coffee, like, what's it looking like today, hon? You're like, shut the fuck up. You're like, I don't know, honey. There's not a lot of science spinning jobs left.

I think Woolworths is hiring. Maybe I can go down. I don't know. Maybe Macy's. I can clean the bathrooms or something. I don't know. Maybe I can play piano.

Remember, I used to play piano. Down at the speakeasy, they have a human toilet. Maybe I could apply for that. Something, honey. A human toilet. A human toilet. I like being a for that. Something, honey. A human toilet. I like being a piss pig, you know, baby.

Maybe I could let the big guys in top hats put their cigars out on me. The massacres. Yeah, my granddaddy got a job making the big wheelbarrows with the barrels with suspenders on the top of them. For the people who just lost all their money in the big crash. Crash.

Oh, fuck. You would be the extra, extra kid back then. Yeah. Oh, dude, yeah. You're a newsie. I would be my fucking squeaky hunk of shit voice. Yelling about how Pearl Harbor's just been in. Extra, extra.

Extra, extra. They just did Pearl Harbor. They just did Pearl Harbor, folks. According to my calculations, in 82 years, 9-11's happening. You would only be working for the InfoWars version of whatever they had back then. Extra, extra, read all about it. FDR can't walk, ladies and gentlemen.

Those ships had tensile steel in them. No Japanese man can take down a ship like that. You're telling me they can't bring the USS Arizona up from the depths? It's 20 feet underwater. Why can't they bring it up? Tell me that. Tell me that. But dude, I had to...

I actually had to... I had multiple interviews for a sign holding job. That's so depressing. Like levels. I had to come back and they're like, all right, we've been weighing our options. It's between you and that stub right there. We're still not sure we're going to go with you because we like this guy.

He's got no head, no arms, no legs, but it's a torso. You and a piece of wood. We're going to shove sticks into his chest that hold the sign up. We think he might be better than you. You finish your interview and you go, excuse me, I haven't had an interview coming up and you walk out in the lobby We're going to shove sticks into his chest and hold the sign up. We think he might be better than you. Yeah. You finish your interview.

You go, excuse me, I have an interview coming up. And you walk in the lobby and there's a big board with eyes painted on it. Little tie on. I remember that this one interview, I thought it was a personal interview. I realized I showed up to just a bunch of desperate people for a group interview. A group interview? Out in front of a Starbucks in Little Tokyo. The one in Little Tokyo, right across from the one right there. With that weird statue, nobody knows who that guy is.

Yeah. Yeah. It's Hitler. No, but yeah, right there. And it was so fucking depressing. And I remember I had to find parking, and parking was hard to find. And I get there, and I'm with just a group of people. We might as well be in a chain gang.

It was just horrific. There was a 70-year-old mentally challenged woman next to me. She was asking all these questions before they even gave anyone jobs. She's like, excuse me, when do we get paid? They started showing us the ropes. They had us get in line. In the interview, yeah. At the interview.

And this little Mexican guy was, like, doing moves. Like, breakdancing with it and, like, doing shit with the sign. And you're like, oh, shit, I'm never going to get the job. And people were practicing. And people were stepping up. It was like Step Up to the Streets, the homeless edition. And people were doing it. And then I remember some people were taking it really seriously.

They're like, fuck, like I can't get this move down. Like it was eye opening. What'd you do? And I didn't practice it. You were just like shaking. I was like trying to be the cool guy. I was like, who's fucking retarded, right? I mean, come on everybody. And everyone's like, you are not taking it seriously.

When do we get paid? And then I get back to my car and I had a parking ticket. Didn't get the job. Lost $60. So I lost $60 just being a fucking idiot. Brutal. I showed up to one last year. I had to move back. I took a job

real quick and then figured out I was paying no money because it was all commission, but it was like terrible commission. I just figured I was going to be making $36, a year and uh so i was applying to jobs really quick and one of them i went in it was like uh roofing sales i was like i can fucking do that my friend does that back home he makes a lot of money but it was like scam i went in the guy didn't even ask me didn't look at my resume didn't ask me a single question just describe the job he's like you know you're gonna come in at. You'll probably be home around eight, nine o'clock, you know, door knocking.

Just we're going to drop you off random neighborhood. And was like literally trying to get me to fill out the forms while I'm going through. And I just had to be like, oh, what is my, what does my wife come to? Trying to trick somebody into taking a job. Like you sign the forms and then you have to show up. Like you're obligated to show up. They put a big chain around my leg. I have a collar on you that your head explodes

if you don't fucking show up. Yeah, I'm in Suicide Squad all of a sudden. Your mission, there's a dictator in South America. A fucking... Yeah, I remember for the... Have you guys ever gotten drug tested in an interview? Yeah, I have. That's the weirdest thing.

Nah, I've never been drug tested. They'll do the swab? No, it was a pee in a cup that's crazy it was for an oil it was for an oil field job though so they like cool they're like yeah it was in texas that makes sense california i don't think they drug test that i got fucking swabbed in an interview for vons the job when i was there and it was just so weird because like it's like a dude who's like a general manager to vons like doing a medical procedure on me right and it's kind of demeaning it's like a dude who's like a general manager at a Vaughn's doing a medical procedure on me. Right. And it's kind of demeaning

and they shake up a bottle and shit in front of you. And there's a good chance he didn't have to do that at all. Absolutely. That's just his weird sick thing. He's jerking off and he's like sucking my swab down.

Yeah, he gets your swab, puts it in the thing and then he just drinks it and he goes, hmm. He's shoving the swab up his ass. Finally, I got his saliva yeah he treats it like a glass of bordeaux he's just like swirling it around he's got like 30 samples he's just slowly pouring he's making an old-fashioned with it yeah just going around the glass uh yeah i just thought that was so fucking bizarre i got p tested but that was for the dog

crematorium but yeah no oil field they test you because they're literally like if you're if you're half of the people are taking meth and if you do you could just get somebody sawed in half yeah or heroin because of pain and shit yeah yeah those jobs are nuts oil field jobs we'd hear always there'd be like a story we'd be at the church like 80 person church they're like yeah the oil field down in odessa kid got cut in half with the chain because i accidentally let go of the pop and you know the torque's so bad the chain came around just split them in half that's so god works in mysterious ways right there was one time where there was big power line this is when i was living in my parents house after college before i moved and there's these big power lines that they have.

They work on the power lines by taking people in helicopters, like just sitting below them in like little fucking pulleys. And this one helicopter pilot, I think he was messed up. And he had two guys below him. And he just flew them directly into a power line. And like they electrocuted and then fell 80 feet. Jesus Christ. They either died on the line or on the fall. Nobody knows.

Holy shit. Yeah. And they mentioned that in church to you? Yeah. Hey, hi, Miss Gibson. How are you doing? Yeah, I saw two boys get burned and fell from the sky. It's just like the land of Looney Tunes does. Yeah, we had an oil truck accident.

There was a big tunnel painted onto the side of a mountain. Tanker drove right into it. Oh, man. So sad. Jesus Christ. Did I tell you the story of the wood chipper guy? Man, they crisped up like burnt ends. It was tough to watch.

It was tough. My son was on an oil rig, and a big piano fell on top of him. We did the funeral. There was just big keys in his mouth, like teeth. Everyone thinks my son killed himself, but the shotgun was just curved back to his face. The body put his finger in it. Yeah, he was pulling a sign that said, Wabbit season, and then below it said,

Human season, and everybody shot him. I told him, you go into that cliff, don't look down. But he looked down and everybody shot him. I told him you go into that cliff, don't look down, but he looked down and there he goes. He looked down and he pulled out the big sign that said yikes. I'm like, why did you make that sign? Were you preparing to fall? You can't fix

stupid. You can't fix stupid. I don't know. I'm going to have to ask you to leave. We always end up getting into no country for real. I can't know. I'm going to have to ask you to leave. We always end up getting into no country for all of that. I can't give out no information. I told you, I can't give out that information, sir. Did he test positive? Is he paused?

I can't give out no information. I need to know if he has HIV. Just that woman out of the closet down in West Hollywood. I can't give out no information at the hiv testing center monkey box does he have monkey box i i'm tracking a man who attended a 50-man case or two in palm springs

i work i work for dr falchia i left the tracker to this money in the man's ass i have a tracker connected to his prep. I need to watch him. Him, yeah, Woody Harrelson talking to Dr. Fauci. You know, there's a kind of windows from outside. There's a 13th floor on this building. We'll look into that. Do you know why I use the double-sided dildo?

So you can fuck two asses. At the same time. It was a lab. A whole hunt truther. Blows up the car to just get more booster shots. As he runs into the pharmacy and starts boosting himself. He's like,

I think this thing came from a reptile. The wet market theory. It's bullshit. Oh, man. Pretty much everybody's agreed that that was just so that's the most retarded thing ever heard at this point. Yeah, there's what's John Stewart went on Colbert. It was like you were allowed to believe it.

Oh, and the people were like, oh, dude, it's John. Wait, John Stewart. Cool. Well, no, that was the time people like John Stewart's cool now. And then he just immediately started just yelling at random people in the street like at protests and stuff is that what he does what do you do well i mean he is fighting for like the relief bill for uh 9-11 workers but he's just like outside rallies just like screaming in people's faces and there's like john you don't need to be doing this yeah yeah well for what what let me look this is the

9-11 rallies it's like the 9--11 relief people getting them funding or whatever. Oh, is he yelling at politicians? No, he's just yelling at kids in the rallies who are screaming at him, so he starts yelling. Why would there be children screaming against him? I mean, I don't know. They're both equally dumb. It's just like Jon Stewart. He's pointing a pen at them really aggressively.

He's just got a bunch of pens. Yeah, he keeps trying to bring up the moment of Zen. Oh, fuck. God, Stephen Colbert sucks cock. Maybe, is this it? Yeah, Jack Posibic. This guy's like a right-wing guy. This mother of a b****

thinks that this bill is bulls***. Damn, relax, John. So you tell him. Tell him. That it's bullshit. That there's a $400 million port in England. You tell him. These people have suffered for 15 years.

Because you're a fucking troll. You're a troll. Not in good faith. He's right. I mean, he is right. I just feel bad for the guy getting sucked into this stuff. Yeah, I know what you mean. It's just sad that he's like one of these guys that's out at the park.

Right. You know, like, no hate! No fascist KKBSA! No hate! And Trevor Noah's getting paid millions. You'd just be like, ouchie. More like, ouchie. And Sean Stewart's at the park every day his mind

yeah every day Trevor Noah has a bigger afro for some reason John Stewart's building a bomb in his fucking face yeah John Stewart's turned to the unibomber and Trevor Noah's a big

top hat on top of his afro John Stewart's like measuring the expeller and he needs to put in this pipe John Stewart buying a ton of manure at various tractor supply companies i can make ammonia with my own pills that is like a real fall from grace you know that's what i mean you don't have your job anymore now you have a podcast and you're at the park getting fights right Right. And he'll just be tweeting stuff like, homeless people deserve rights. And it's like, I agree you're right, but I want you to be doing the comedy stuff again.

I get it. If you watch his new show, it's just him going like, the thing is soldiers are great. And when you talk about it. And then that's the whole show. He's just thinking soldiers are cool. It's him. His writing staff is like the Burger King's kids from the 90s. It's also a podcast.

Guy in a wheelchair. It's a bunch of people that we've, you know. Yeah, yeah. And you're like, how are there writers for a podcast? I don't get it. Right. Isn't this, isn't Jon Stewart having thoughts? Do they do spits, like, on the show that are written?

Like, how is that podcast written? Other than topics that Jon Stewart talks about, and he's the one. Well, no, it's his show, The Problem with John Stewart. Oh, they have another show? On Apple TV, but it's just him like breaking it down, like not doing jokes or anything. Is it one of those shows where there's like

no crowd and there's like no one through? Really? Like because of COVID? I don't know. I have no idea. Or just because. I looked at it for three seconds ago. No one even knows it exists. I filed it into a big drawer in my mind that says cuck that I don't look at ever or examine at all why I think that about people. It's a show that takes place in a storage container. Yeah, there's just 18 Russian women in the other side of the container.

They're doing the problem with Jon Stewart in the corner. Those Wayfair cabinets. Well, let's watch him. I do love things like this. I love confrontation. I like angry old men. I'm not even against you guys. Then what are you doing?

Then what are you posting? You're lying! You're a liar! You're a liar! You haven't been working on this thing for years! I've been on the Hill serving with the Republicans. This is that old school, like, these are the liberals I like,

like these old school liberals. I don't think Jon Stewart's lost his mind, really. I'm sure he has to say certain things because he works for major corporations, but he seems pretty level-headed. Not here, obviously. But this is the same anger my dad gets. Yeah, sure. That libertarianarian Bill Maher

Woodstock anger. I appreciate it. This is something he's been about for almost a decade. I might be off base. We're going to have to ask you to leave. You know, you come in sleepy for one episode and everything goes downhill. Oh yeah, you're sleepy. Are you calling

Jon Stewart a racist? After the whole last hour? You think he's a cock after the whole last hour? You turn on me that it's a big Don John Stewart. Twenty twenty slurs into an episode. You guys turn on me. I did say a slur, but I'm an Arab.

So that's true. You are an Arab someday, but I'm an Arab. So impersonated a reader, but that happened in real life. Devin's also retarded. A real moment. Yeah. And what if I have Tourette's?

I'll use that. If anyone gets on me about that, it's not the only thing he did. I'm just pointing out. Just want to make everyone remember what happened. Also, Larry David, it did an impression.

It has done impressions of mental. You know what? He's a darling to the whole. And I what darling for good reason but enough right now why can he do it in south park and do everything and i mean that's what tick tock exists to do yeah is to fulfill the making fun of mentally challenged people in our society that is it yeah if you if you if your eyes look like cross-eyed bugs like you're going to the top on TikTok. Oh, TikTok, yeah. Millions of views.

Millions. Millions. Somebody with an eye and their bicep. That is TikTok. Somebody whose teeth have grown into their face. One of them's coming out of their eye. They're bleeding. Bleeding out.

Their incisor is sticking out of their left eyeball yeah i got down syndrome and shark teeth like just rows of teeth going back but they're like just listen to that scratch on the steak i just cooked my my wisdom teeth have shot through my eyeball but listen to that crunch yeah listen to i do asmr videos yeah i just flip steaks. Every day I got to flip a steak on camera. There's one I see every once in a while where there's a trend where people with really fucked up kids, they just put their kid on live on TikTok. Oh. There's like one where there's a kid.

He's got like a huge water head. Like I swear it's like this big. I'm sorry. And his body's like that tall and he's just hooked up to machines. Why? I see it every once in a while. I try not to engage with this stuff, but it'll show you alive. It's just what they give us.

And it'll just be him going. And it's just like they just put him on the live for like 24 hours, and they're making money off of it. That's insane. Just keep going. I hate it. I swear, I've seen it like three times times it ruins my day every time i see it uh have you ever seen any of those like inspirational physical therapy videos like what are they just showing someone at their lowest moment they look like

hank schrader they can't like walk no they can't not chiropractors like physical therapy yeah and it is like that is nice for that person that they you know recovered but they're just showing them like shitting their pants and like they're like look how far they got like they're like oh i mean they look like a like a baby deer trying to walk or like yeah or like the guy and there's something about mary in the scene where he can't stand up on the crutches he's like just legs going back and forth. My favorites are I've seen a couple of these where it's like an inspiration. He's like I was at my well. I said it's guy 600 pounds. Yeah, cheeto dust

all over me. He's like I started working out. He's punching the bag screaming. Yeah, covering sweat. You see him lose ways like I learned to fight my demons. I went to therapy. I started eating vegetables and like 30 seconds like he's all fit. You're like, oh, this is great and then it's like and then some terrible stuff happened to me. I went to therapy. I started eating vegetables and like 30 seconds like he's all fit. You know, it was great and then it's like and then some terrible stuff happened to me and I went right back

off and then it's like he's like I'm 800 pounds now, but I'm going to get back like I was like just real life white good news intervention. The show used to be like that you'd watch a whole show the saddest most fucked up

person you've ever met and the whole family finally at the end gets him to fucking go and then it cuts to black and music plays and it goes he escaped through the window and he slid his wrists with the broken glass dude i fucking i'm listening to this book right now called um uh search for uh hungry ghost i believe it's about this uh psychologist who Dude, I fucking, I'm listening to this book right now called Search for Hungry Ghosts, I believe. It's about this psychologist who, he did work in Vancouver with homeless people, like drug addicts and stuff. He talks about trauma and how it's related to addiction.

And it's every chapter, he's like talking about this woman who's like raped her whole life, like abused, became a prostitute, heroin, eventually got off of it. It's like this inspiring story. And the last one was like, she relapsed two months later and yeah, guy fucking John murdered her. They like punched her face and she just bled out

and you're like the way you said it. It did sound like she was trying to wean herself off of rape. The information was presented and she relapsed two weeks later. My name is Stephanie.

I'm addicted to rape. You can't cut out rape cold turkey because you can have a seizure. They need to get you on the methadone. Just light a salt. You got to slowly get to the point where it's just misconduct. Yeah, your boss comes out in a bathrobe.

You do that for a couple months. Work your way up to lower back touches. You just heard a bed just shaking. Sweating and shaking. She's so cold. It's become unmanageable. It's that scene from fucking Last Samurai. Touch my titties.

Yes, drop your bed. Somebody, just finger me, please. For Christ's sakes, grope me! Grope me! But they still won't take the A.A. They're like, I don't like the God stuff, so please, someone finger blast me against my will. I would love if sex addicts were like that. Like, just a guy strapped to a bed, like, I need a goon.

Give me a little time. Can somebody show me Big Busty Lutinas on their phone? Please. Can somebody show me Big Busty Lutina's on their phone? Please Shitting themselves 18 blankets Balls just big and red and huge Banes all over them I kind of like this

I feel like I'm in like Antebellum Like Georgia or some shit Yeah You just got a dead dog I kind of like this. I feel like I'm in Annabelle in Georgia or some shit. Yeah. Yeah. You just got a dead dog in the back of your trunk. Boy, it don't get no better than that. You did have the most depressing job that ever existed.

It was crazy. I remember it was the middle of COVID. You're cleaning up dead dogs off the street. How is John going to kill himself? I remember Jordan called me and was like, do you have to wear a leather apron? I was like a leather apron like your sweeney todd yeah i'm just like wait that's what people think of me like i'm walking around with like a blood stained leather apron like it was yeah it was insanely depressing i saw dogs like no heads

yeah yeah how'd they lose their heads you have to cut them off to what so if they have if they're rabies suspects they you have a vet tech that's the craziest that's the funniest thing is you go into like a vet office and the vet tech would be like yeah i thought this job would just be like helping animals until like on my third day the doctor gave me just like a handsaw and was like cut this dog dead dog's head off because we got to send it to a lab but yeah yeah you do have to send it to a lab to test for rabies. Dogs that have been shot. That was another one.

Who shot them? Gangsters and stuff. It'd be like a hood thing. You get a pit bull that's been shot six times. So you chop its head off? You have to get ballistics from it. You have to get ballistics? Yeah, from a dog.

If a dog's been shot, we've got to find out who's shooting dogs. Hopefully they never find that person. You also can't cremate something. Well, you can cremate stuff with something with metal in it. Dogs have metal in them? Yeah, like placements or bullets. So you get medical devices out of the cremation. Why don't you just burn them and then pick the bullets out?

Like fucking, you know, it's a salad or something. You have a magnet you put into the cremator. Just picking walnuts out. I don't like grapes in my chicken salad. Or just have the urn have the bullets in and shake it around like a maracas. Or you could do one of those pebble machines.

Do you have those as kids? Yeah, those are fun. You put them in the thing and it turns and a month later you get shitty pebbles. Yeah, I just remember you spent $400 to have shitty pebbles once you're like wow these rocks are so smooth i guess i won't kill myself at 12 yeah i have smooth rocks smooth rocks you can find in any stream in america i got a lot going for me right now i'm 12 and i got a lot of smooth rocks in my bag. Walking into school, yeah, I got about a bucket of smooth rocks right now.

Oh, fuck. Yeah, my dad kills dogs for a living, so I got a lot of smooth rocks. I just remember walking into work. There were days I didn't want to wake up, you know what I mean? And I'm going to work, and there's this guy, Tony, and his son had been killed in a gang shootout, and he had gutter beats tattooed on his arm it was like the coolest tattoo i've ever seen just say gutter beats what does that mean it's like gutter beats i don't know he was black it

was like gutter beats gutter beats just got beats from the gutter oh like hood beats i don't know but he uh beat someone up no like beats like sounds like sounds like a doctor dre's yeah like a music and i just heard like he was huge he was giant i just remember like i'd walk into the cremator and i'd see like the cre he would have to open it up to push the dog further in and like i'd like be so fucking it's a pizza oven yeah it was really similar big paddle trying to get the mail yeah it was crazy i'm tossing the dog up in the air yeah liquid fat is just coming out of the fucking Japanese just boiling liquid fat and i remember the fucking he opens i remember there's like a day he opened the door up and like the dog just

started it was just this burning corpse of a dog in there and i just didn't want to be alive and i just remember like walking and eating a cupcake in the fucking the break room yeah rock they're like two day old cupcakes yeah their birthday that is funny you guys gotta go burn a heap of dogs and then be like it's jeff's birthday well the crazy thing is is like you'd eat the like if you were working the cremator you had these rods like the pizza paddles you'd stick the dogs yeah and you'd get like grease all over your hands but that was just literally like liquefied dog you were just getting all over your body oh my god yeah and you you just wash i just stopped wearing gloves at some point i just didn't give a fuck i'd be eating like a slim gym

god what a shitty life you had that was all that dragged me out dude i did well that's what we were i was honestly i was like i feel like john is going to kill himself for i was very i was very like man that sucks because the whole time you were making it was honestly, I was like, I feel like John is going to kill himself. I was very, I was very like, man, that sucks. Cause the whole time you were making it sound so cool. There was good parts, you know, like you were at least trying to do it. And everyone,

and everyone was like, the parties were sick. Yeah. Everyone was so worried about you. The benefits were crazy. You get so much free therapy. Yeah. I was so close to getting health benefits for the first time in my life too.

It was so fucked up. And then I left, but yeah, it was sick, dude. Yeah. That's brutal. It was fun. See, you keep vacillating. Yeah. I'm a flip-flopper. I'm John Kerry over here with my dog.

You're a draft dog. Right? Right? Alright. Back to John Sterr and then we can wrap this thing up Just fight dude Just fucking fight Jon Stewart's heated We can tell. We can tell. We can tell. We can tell. We can tell. We can tell. We can tell.

Jon Stewart's heated. You're the one calling. Have I called you names since we came here today? No. You've called me names online and you've done all this stuff. What have I called you? And you've called me names today. What have I called you? I love that one.

When some person's like, I'm the polite one. Forget your atmosphere. Why are you talking? You have a meeting. Hold on, Jon, but I have a question. Shut up, lady. What are you doing? No, lady.

They're like, what are you doing? He's like, I am the Boston Bomber. Shame. Now Jon Stewart's a part of one of these shame things. That's what I'm saying. I just hate these whole groups. All the other people I hate. They just drag the guy to the ground and cut his hair off. These cops are talking to him.

They're like, listen, sir, that's Jon Stewart. We can't arrest him. Sir, he has a pea body. He can legally commit any crime. Sir, he has a Mark Twain award. That's what I mean. He came from the Kennedy Center to have a woman go, shame, shame,

shame. And her going, I'm Jon Stewart. Me and him are the same. This sad woman with no life who just screams at people because she feels like she's doing something. Yeah, just a sad lady. The type of lady that makes homemade cookies for Halloween. Hands out

baked goods. She out baked goods. She makes baked goods and no kids come to her place. No kids come. They're like, boo. They're gluten free. When she tells that story to her cats, she says, me and John are yelling shame. Me and Mr. Stewart. I don't want to put up with it, so I fucking screamed at him because that's what he deserves.

You don't have to fucking. He's a fucking asshole. These people are determined. This is literally like a Paul Schrader film. He does look like he's in the perfect storm right now. Not happening. Thank you. They're like, here's your lunch, John.

Somebody hands him an apple and a banana. Right at the end he goes, we're not dealing with that shit. Somebody, an assistant, hands him sweet green. Thank you. Look at this. Right at the end, he goes, we're not dealing with that shit. Somebody, an assistant, handsome, sweet, green. Thank you. And that bullshit. Look at this right at the end. Thank you.

Thanks. Oh, they did. I didn't even see that. That is hand of lunch. Mr. Stewart, here's your CBD latte. Here's your $25 CBD latte. Mr. Stewart, your Chocochino's here. Mr. Stewart, your big vat of adrenochrome is here. Mr. Stewart, your Chocochino's here. Mr. Stewart, your big vat of adrenochrome is here.

He just cracked open a fetus. He's sucking the marrow out of it. Mr. Stewart, your gratitude bowl is here. It's $30. It also has adrenochrome in it. We added extra adrenochrome for you. You mentioned Schrader. That would be great if that's where a taxi driver ended up

and Travis Bickles was standing in the corner. He's in the corner and he's with his mohawk on, smiling. The two cops are like, who's that guy? He's like, little does Jon Stewart know, I started 9-11. He's like, how's the news business going, Stewart? Putting cigars out on people. Taking out a gun and blowing john stewart's three fingers off

shot in the neck just that crazy spray i love that show where he's just like oh i'm holding one hand up here fucking hand explodes uh god i love that shot it's a great movie you know they wanted scorsese to make in a taxi driver at the end. They wanted him to make. They wanted. They thought it was way too violent. They told him to cut it. They told him to cut it. So rumor is that he loaded a handgun in a Coke field night and was drove to the producer's house to try and wanting to kill like different like Brian De Palma and like Spielberg and

guys like kept like coming like don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Yeah. And then they settled on just making the blood less red he saturated the film yeah so what because it was like a bright vibrant red yeah i was doing an interview with tarantino apparently that's like a real hard process to get like the the blood right really he he did the the 88 scene in kill bill um where you know she's just fighting all those people he said it took He said they had to fly in specialists from

Milan because they couldn't get the color and the viscosity right. It was just like a nightmare. You'd think they could just do it in post with the color in post. Wasn't most of that scene in black and white too? That was another thing.

He put most of it in black and white for the exact same reason. So it would not get a NC-17 rating. Because it was too gory? Yeah. Yeah. I remember Hellraiser had really realistic blood. That was the one thing.

The way it dripped onto these guys and shit. That's cool. It's crazy how they just like... The Marilyn Monroe... The movie... This Marilyn Monroe movie... The one with the hot lady? With Anna de Armas.

Yeah. Who's like Spanish and can't do an English accent. Yeah, yeah. He's playing Marilyn Monroe and they made that NC-17. Really? Yeah. Like the acting's too offensive.

Diamonds, Arikler's best friend. Friend. Happy birthday, Mr. Pongal. Mr. President. Mr. Presidente. El Jefe Kennedy.

Everybody just wants to fuck me. Everybody want to fuck me. Oh, it's a me. Marilyn Monroe. I'm going to stick my pussy over the sewer grate. Oh, pussy is so steamy, so hot. It's so steamy, so hot. It's so steamy, so hot. You're ironing my pussy.

My pussy is full of bum juice. Bum juice. Oh, it's so stinky, so stinky. Oh, so stinky. It's so stinky. I'm going to take a bunch of sleeping pills and be fine. Don't deserve me. I'm at my best.

I suck at a JFK's dick. But don't you worry. My face. I saw it on JFK's dick. But don't you worry. My face will be tattooed on whores. It's the same year each. I don't know. You don't deserve me at my best if you don't accept me at my worst. If you can't handle me at my worst. It's the most disgusting.

That is ruined. That is the reason that men suffer. I mean. That goddamn quote. Very true. What an awful quote. Yeah. I mean, if your worst isn't that bad, you know what I mean?

Like, let's relax. Like, what's your worst? Let's put that on the table. Human comprehension would be that it's, like, you know, pretty bad. Yeah, Marilyn Monroe is probably, you know, she overdosed. What if a man said that quote? Yeah, he's like, if you're going to handle me when I'm beating your fucking faces, then you don't deserve me

when I'm giving you a bit of my paychecks so you can go to the laundry. So you can go to the movies. So we can go on a picnic. That's a man at his best. That's a man at his best a man at his best here's 25 cents go to a picnic

I'm the man of this house go get yourself a ring pop at Vaughn's don't say I never did nothing for you now hurry back home I'll beat you yeah i mean it's just that's like a thing like white trash people are into yeah yeah no the if you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best yeah i've heard a yeah i've heard that from pretty much a ton of floozy it's basically if you can't handle

me in my pookie uh my cookie monster pajamas you don't deserve me in my meth relapse well what they mean by best is when I'm fucking you that's what the problem with the quote is with when we know how women it's it's if you can't handle me at my best which is like from our perspective from a man's perspective is when you're awesome in bed

and hot all the time and cooking and cleaning and doing and being submissive and great you don't deserve me and hot all the time and cooking and cleaning and doing and being submissive and great. You don't, you don't deserve me when I'm throwing all your clothes into the street, fucking your brother and fucking your brother-in-law. Yeah. I'm driving you slowly insane.

Yeah. You know, it's like, so it's not just like, listen, like if you can't handle me having a bad day, then you're like a bad. Oh,

it's for people with borderline personality disorder. Yeah. It's for BPD. Yeah. Yeah. The quote, Olivia Soprano probably had that quote on her back. Anyway,

anyways, we hate women. Fucking hot. Nah, I was kidding. No. What time are we at? Speaking some fucking truth.

We've been watching a lot of TV. What's the undercards on? Yeah. Let's go watch these fights. Okay. Or is it a main? Join the Patreon folks. Yeah, let's go watch these fights. Join the Patreon, folks. Patreon.com slash hatewatchpodcast

and I don't know, if I can leave a review, please. Yeah, review. Instagram, Twitter. I think, is the Reddit still a thing? Yeah, the Reddit. People seem to have given up on the Reddit. Google it and do stuff. Just do post bullshit on it, whatever.

Thanks, everyone. Bye.