Hate Watch with Devan Costa - Pirates of the Caribbeaten

Episode Date: April 4, 2022

We cover a terrifying reddit thread about ex-con's sharing stories from prison in which Ramon' makes an appearance, look into a woman's claims of being sexually harassed in the metaverse and then get into extensive coverage of Amber Heard and Johnny Depp's secret recording Get weekly bonus episodes: https://www.patreon.com/HateWatchPodcast Join the Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/hatewatchpod/ Available on all platforms. Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/hate-watch-with-devan-costa/id1459356319 Follow on Twitter: https://twitter.com/devancosta Follow on IG: https://www.instagram.com/devanjamescosta/  

I spent so much money on this table! The table. Just rip it off. Enough of the table. Enough of the wires, the table. Welcome to the Haywatch Podcast, where we hate the listeners and what they have to say about how this looks. Good job, though, Richie.

This looks fantastic. It looks great. Richie just spent a lot of time putting a tape over a black tarp, so people... I spent five minutes. He didn't want people to see him and John's little bird legs I on the other hand I'm proud of my legs I have big strong calves

I have horse legs he's got big fat kid calves great calves with stretch marks I remember when you first lost weight you had big fat calves

I have huge calves because I was holding my fat ass up for fucking 18 years yeah you know John and I have really muscular legs is what it is

I got sinewy thighs. What does that mean, sinewy? No, no, my calves are sinewy. My thighs are just big. Man, I'm coming out of it, man. The last, like, three days I've thought I've had testicular cancer. I love your hypochondria. I woke up.

It is so funny, and I love it for shit. I wore boxers for the first time in months. Yeah my briefs were dirty full of shit because i just i don't i don't go to the bathroom i just shit myself so devon's and so i just like you know they were i was doing a load this my washing machine is full and there's a lot of other people on this property to use it and they have no clue they're like why is it re they're washing their is full of shit. It's full of shit. And there's a lot of other people on this property that use it, and they have no clue. They're like, why is it reed? They're washing their clothes with my shit. So I wore boxers, like I said, because I treat my briefs like diapers.

Yeah. You've given your laundry machine an upper decker. Just so you know, you're like, yeah yeah that's right where my poop the fucking inside of it looks like a new clay pot so muddy well that's what the fucking detergents for it gets rid of all the poop it just makes it soapy so i wore boxers for the first time in months and out of nowhere i don't know i started getting like ball pain. I had this weird aching in my nut.

Because they're slapping around all the time. Which maybe, I don't really know. On those thunder thongs. But then I also, and then I slowly developed like this tight neck. What's that have to do with testicular cancer?

Well, I don't know. So first I thought I had to, so I got high one night and I was like, why is my balls hurting? What the fuck is this? Started, and I went on this WebMD rabbit hole got high one night and I was like, why is my balls hurting? What the fuck is this? Started. And I went on this web MD rabbit hole of testicular cancer and I started

freaking myself the fuck out. They're like muscle. So to the point where I'm like, I have it, I, you know, I'm just, I'm just like,

I'm like counting my days to live. Is that why you're going on your apology tour on Reddit? That's why I apologize. That's sweet. I apologize to that sweet queen on Reddit. Cause she said, she, what is with Devin raging against Plain Jane's? Listen, I'm sorry, I'm dying.

Okay, I got a little angry. I don't have much time left. And so then, for the last three days, I've been like, God, I just want to say bye to people and I want to just, I hope we all hope everyone's at my wake and I wouldn't be, but, but so then I looked up stiff neck ball pain. Yeah.

And apparently if you'd have like, like if you like, if you, you know, have tightness in your neck, it can reverberate down to the nuts. Yeah. And I think that's what it is. Cause today, no no nut pain. Neck, still kind of residual pain, but no more nuts. For the last week,

I have been under the impression that I am not one for this world. I tore a ligament deadlifting when I was living in Glendale. It was in my middle back. I couldn't walk for two days. For the next four months, my kind of middle back. And for the, I couldn't walk for like two days. And then for the next like four months, I had like constant ball ache.

Really? Did you get nervous about testicular cancer? Because I've been checking them all day. There's no like, I don't have a lump. But I also don't, if you look up what lumps look like, they don't, people don't even really have like, I don't know. The diagram just shows like one of the balls is rotting but it doesn't look like you can just cut your nuts off though you know what i mean they just put a little silicone balls in there you're good to go your loads will freaking me

out appreciate you still got a prostate and then i i jacked off a few times so i could see if my cum was like sick your bloody cum wanted to see if my if my if the cum was all like if like maybe it would like hurt i thought thought maybe my sperm would come out with a bandage around its head all my sperm comes out holding the medicine just an ice pack on its head with a thermometer sticking out of its mouth like we have cancer

okay you need to get that nut removed we are dying. But it didn't. You're fine. My cum came out all fucking free, and it was just like, wee! So anyway, I've been shitting my pants, and I have testicular cancer. But, yeah, it just freaked me out, man. God, you can just fucking freak yourself out if you look up something.

Yeah, anytime I have anything wrong with me, if I go on WebMD and I'm like, oh, I must have cancer, it always confirms my beliefs. All my symptoms are always like, yeah, it's cancer. It's not even WebMD. Then you go from WebMD to Reddit. And then everyone on Reddit's like, apparently everyone on Reddit's like a 28-year-old that has just been through utter hell. Yeah. Everyone is a 28-year-old. They're like, dude, get that check.

My friend, 28, he had's a 28-year-old. They're like, dude, get that check. My friend, 28. He had like a light ache in his nuts. The next day, he exploded. It's terrifying. Reddit freaks me the fuck out. Dude, pull up the Reddit prison thing. Oh, yeah. Oh, shit.

That was horrible. Oh, my God. This morning, we went. There was a big post on Reddit about fucking prison and their prison stories and it is insane. And you know, I know all about that. I've been in the big house a few times. I went to the big house, actually,

because I used to go to a laundromat and they arrested me because I was breaking all of the machines with my shit. I'm not kidding right now. Devin's actually the inventor of flinging shit at the guards. He brought that to prison.

That character in Silence of the Lambs is based off of Devin. Okay, so ex-cons of Reddit, which is another funny thing. I like that there's like ex-cons on Reddit. There's like some guy that did 10 years in Pelican Bay. Just like, what's up, dude? It's kind of cute.

Thanks for the gold, stranger. Let me give you some relationship advice, bro. All right? What you did was wrong. This guy goes, when I was 20 years old, I thought I wanted to be a correctional officer. One night I was sent to work at the medical ward

where each inmate had their own isolated cell where they were let out twice a day. That night I was going around with the nurse giving the inmates their medicine. We came to one inmate's cell and as soon as we opened the door, I was knocked back by the most putrid smell I've ever smelled in my life.

I've been to the dump plenty of times in my life and it was nothing in comparison to the smell this inmate had going on. Once we were done giving out the medicine, I went up to the dump plenty of times in my life and it was nothing in comparison to the smell this inmate has going on had going on once we were done giving out the medicine i went up to the officer training me and asked him what was going on with that inmate and why he smelled so god awful he said oh you met grady he shits and pisses himself on purpose he never changes or showers so he constantly lives in his own filth i found out that he was raped once in prison so he started shitting and pissing himself so he wouldn't be raped anymore. Oh my god. Yeah, that's horrific. Wow. Let's spin that

into some comedy gold, fellas. Let's go! Hold on. Give me a second. Give me a second. Uh, fucking, uh, fucking, why don't you clean yourself up, Grady? Boom! You got hate watched

uh what else uh looks like someone needs some therapy hate watched talk about a natural lube right Right, Grady? Huh? Grady's been dead for years. He shit himself to death. Well, anyway, next story. Enough of you, Grady. A dude got two full kettles of boiling water poured on his head. Oh, God.

We actually do need a soundboard in here so I can play like, Whop, whop. Pull one up. Pull up an internet one. Yeah. Well, then I have to, I, I, I, you know, listen, I'm doing too much here.

What am I, fucking David Guetta? Okay. I'm just trying to run a podcast. I got all the, I've got like a mixer, shit. Play an MLK speech while we, I'm not DJ Premier, okay? We're just trying,

I'm trying to fucking do a pod. A dude got two full kettles of boiling water pouring on his head and a convicted murderer explaining how he killed dismembered with an angle grinder. What's an angle grinder?

An angle grinder is like a thing it's like a thing you hold and it's got this blade on it that spins really fast, and you just grind down steel with it. That's crazy, but scary stories was the worst thing you saw in prison. Yeah. I did a four-month stint in Kajang, Malaysia. This Nigerian dude used to pilfer from other cells.

What's pilfer mean? Rob? Rob, yeah. This Malay gang found him and dipped his hand in boiling oil basically deep fried it while it was still attached to him that scream it still curdles my blood poor guy was reduced to an unconscious pool of blood sweat tears vomit shit and piss he lost more than his hand that day i sound like i'm reading. He lost his faith in God. I sound like I'm doing the audiobook of The Grapes of Wrath.

Poor guy was reduced to an unrighteous pool of blood, sweat, tears, fire, and a can of peaches. On that day. He lost more than his hand on that day. On that day, the American frontier was won. Well, that's not funny. What the hell is that? I found an internet soundboard.

What are you doing? What's that sound? It was the Harlem Shake. Oh, I'm right. You are really... I'm going to fucking throw hot oil on you. You should be sent to a Malaysian prison. You should be like Midnight Express.

Yeah, they deep fried his hands. So what the fuck? You got something to snack on. We're going to turn your fingers into damn mozzarella sticks, John. You sounded like Joe Pesci right there. I'll put you in a fucking mozzarella stick. I'll turn your fingers. This is my favorite one.

Fat Irish prick. This is my favorite. My favorite one. It's, you know, of course, these are all very tragic and sad, but. Yeah. Gotta have a favorite. We do jokes here. So, and also, you're a prisoner.

You did something to deserve it. Okay? No remorse. Life. Yeah, this guy didn't pay parking tickets. Life, I say. We're going to do Judge Joe Brown talking about these prison stories. He put a hand in oil, started crying like a little bitch. Okay, so this one, I'm going to read this one like Judge Joe Brown.

My brother said a guy from him had a new cellmate who had gastrointestinal problems and wouldn't stop farting these rancid, horrible farts after the guy told him repeatedly to stop. Not like he could help it. So the guy beat the farter to death in their cell with his bare hands. This is giving me like Shawshank Redemption vibes.

My brother said he had never seen so much blood from one person before. What was the guy's name? He's like, so-and-so was here. And he fought. And he fought. And he fought. And he fought. And he foughted. Until he farted his way out of that damn prison.

Farta McButt, they called him. That's our friend Connor. He calls himself that on Instagram. This is what's funny about Reddit. Somebody shares a horrific story and then somebody goes, so if I end up in prison, this just means that it's pretty much a death sentence. Got it.

Oh, we get it. You fart a lot. That is scary. Your farts could get you killed. Yeah. But also, you're in prison. Yeah, I mean. What did you do?

Hold them in. What did he do? What do you think these people did? You know? Yeah. There is not a single person in prison that doesn't deserve it. It creeps me out. Okay, we have a justice system and it works perfectly every

time. Life! Anyone that's done anything wrong. I'm talking, if you haven't paid your parking tickets in a couple years you're gonna get killed by the farter he broke his roommate's ipad that's what he did he deserves to get his hand some of these are just too long it's like you gotta wrap it up okay uh i was in south south american prison jesus i Oh, this is a good one. Isn't South America a prison in itself?

Am I right, folks? There was a lot of drug addicts. They usually sold their food in order to buy more drugs, so they were always hungry. One day I was eating my lunch, rice, a leg of chicken, and some beans. When I finished my meal, there were some chicken bones left on my plate, and a drug addict approached me to ask if I could give him the chicken bones. So I lent him my bones, and he started eating them. It was

heartbreaking. Really? I'd be laughing my ass off. You'd be like, look at you. You're eating the bones? You're gonna die. You'd fit right in. I'd fit right in. If I was in prison, I'd love this. He'd be like, everyone, get over here. The white supremacists, the blacks, the Mexicans, get over here.

This guy's eating chicken bones. He's gonna fucking shit himself today. Look, he's eating the wishbone. He's probably wishing not to get raped later, right guys? The wish is not gonna come true, bro. It's gonna happen. I would be like the madam of prison. I'd be like, you wanna fuck Rico?

50 at the front, 100 for a tip. You want to fuck Ramone? Imagine Ramone in prison, dude. Ramon would have quite the time. Ramon would be killing it. He'd be like, when they would... I don't shower or shave, they still fuck me. He'd be getting interviewed for his release coming up,

and they'd be like, it sounds like you should want out, right? Yeah, like you're up for parole. No, listen, judge, okay? Like, I don't agree that I deserve to be there, but I have to get fucked, okay? Like, just keep me. But Ramon, you're a model prisoner.

Because they say. I know I'm a model, I look good. So they say, of course. I'm in prison because I'm a model. They love the guys. They love on the yard when i walk by they play the ball and i i you know i walk by with my my ass out did they whistle at you oh yes of course yes of course of course they whistled you know and uh i i you know i sucked them off

but i don't like i am wrongfully accused of a crime. I've been in prison for 30 years. What did you do? They've asked me if I want out, but I say no. You think you deserve to be there? I don't deserve to be there, but I deserve to have my ass rammed. I love it. Do you at least get like a ramen or anything? There are some days I don't eat because every hole is filled. These guys, they don't eat because they want to do drugs.

I don't eat because it's full of cock. Every hole, I'm telling you. We're going to put you in a protective wing. No, you shut up. Stop trying to get me out of here. It's a hell that I love. Okay? I'm being transferred to Rikers.

Very excited to see Rikers. I hear they're very big men. Very big, very strong. And they have the New York accent. You know, nothing turns me on more than that New York accent, you know? I love the Rikers accent. You know? When they say like.

How does Ramon do it? How does he do it? Italian voice. When they say like. Hey. Hey. You ain't Ramon. Let's get over here.

And I go. Okay. Okay Vinny. Okay. And then Vinny. He calls Vinny he calls his He calls his piece A hoagie I never heard the hoagie before

A burrito Where I'm from Anyway What are other prisons Pelican Bay Sing Sing Alcatraz is shut down Sing Sing

Oh the boys in Sing Sing They make me a Sing Sing I tell you that much They should reopen Alcatraz is shut down. Sing Sing. Oh, the boys in Sing Sing, they make me a Sing Sing. I tell you that much. They should reopen Alcatraz. That would be awesome. Oh, Alcatraz would be amazing. That would be so cool if they reopened Alcatraz. Amazing. And they're just...

I'd love to reopen Alcatraz. That'd be sick, dude. They reopen that shit? Put them all in Alcatraz. Yeah. Pile them up like crazy. What a weird thing. There's a rock in the middle of the ocean.

Put a bunch of guys on it. It is fucking crazy. Oh, God. The rape ones really scared me. It's just so dehumanizing. I mean, all this is dehumanizing. You know what I mean? It's like you look at these institutions.

No, I think it's great. My thighs. Rape is dehumanizing. You know what I mean? It's like you look at these institutions. No, I think it's great. My thought is rape is dehumanizing, but I try to tell everyone to get raped. It's not rape if you just say it's okay. So they don't have power over you. My philosophy in life, hey, listen, every time I have been fucked, I could say rape. But I don't, so it's not rape. Just say it's not rape. Ramon, don't you think this could be offensive to some people?

No, just take it. What about the people who didn't want it? I took it for 20 years on the weed farm. They passed me around through the vents. I could have said, oh, this rape, first week. No, for 20 years, I just fuck. Just get a fuck just you have to make a okay in your brain what do the correctional officers think of you they love me they love my philosophy because everyone in my world if you if you think of the world the way i do

there are no problems there's no's no, rape is no concept. Rape don't exist with me because I just, I take it from all angles. Ramon, do you have some like rules for life that you might instill in you? My rules for life, if something is a negative, you turn it into a positive. You just accept. You just accept. If people, if they get in your personal space, if they invade your crevices,

you just take it. Because otherwise you look like a whiny. You look like a little bitch. You know, the Me Too movement. They were so mean to me. Just take it. Ramona take it for 30 years. I was on a weeper. Then I been in prison everyone oh fuck me they call it rape oh the justice system they say you have been raped

i say it's whatever i it's i am a good man i take it i take whatever the people want because i don't want no problems everyone has their own feelings and urges. It's all good to me. So good to me because at the end of the day, I love getting fucked. And maybe if everyone else out there like getting fucked, no rape. Has anyone

ever hurt you? That's cool. It's a rough sex. A lot of big men out there. They take me in. Of course, the bruising and all sorts of stuff. But you heal. But you heal.

That's what's so great about the human body. You heal. You heal. Unless, of course, you have AIDS. Rest in peace, Eduardo, my friend. He no heal. Have they given you tests? He no heal.

Do they give you prophylactics? here. Do they give you, like, prophylactics or? No, no. Do you use protection? Yeah. No, I just, I drink a lot of orange juice. What kind of lubricant is there? This is not lubricant. It's a spit.

Spit, we sometimes, you know, some hot oil. Really? They use hot oil oil i love the hot oil because it kills all of the the aids all it kills all of the though there's a lot of pimples down there a lot of weird growth a lot of growths there's a lot of growth you mentioned they shoved you into small places at the weed farm do they do that in prison as well oh yes oh yes oh oh yeah see see what kind of places do they put you around oh so it's the one time this guy he was getting out right yeah and i'm not i was not getting out but he loved me and he wanted to take me home with him so they a couple of men they they put me in a little condom

they compress it they they show me under the condom and they show me up his ass and i escaped a prison for a few months and he took me home he had his way with me but then i told him i go hey listen i have i there's a lot of people relying on me back at Rikers so I only person in history of this country

to escape a prison and come back willfully to get a fuck oh fuck oh my god oh man anyone who doesn't love the romantic character can go fucking kill themselves Oh, fuck. Oh, my God. Oh, man. Anyone who doesn't love the Romani character

can go fucking kill themselves. I just keep getting flashbacks of Devin shaking his ass in front of a bunch of fucking guys from Michoacan, Mexico. Just don't understand it. I get a fuck. It's just going, look at me. I just went on like a 10-minute rant about how it's not rape

if you just take it if you just say you consent if you consent it's not rape the body heals is my favorite part there is no problem the body heals just enough for the crying you don't think I cried the first couple of three times

that I was a rape Ramon you got a tough love mentality exactly it's cause I was raised by a military father first couple of three times that i was a rape ramon you got a tough love mentality exactly exactly richie it's because i was raised by you know by a military father uh you're a military brat he was a i was a military brat yeah you get he was in um yeah he was he was where is the uh what's the mexican army called uh the fucking i don't know the fucking they have like Marines and shit I don't know I was raised with a tough love

and it made me tough you know to the point where my whole life has just been a horror but I take it because nothing I like nothing more

than getting a fuck okay let's move on here we'll come back to Ramone if it's natural. Anyway, folks. A guy got stomped to death my first day in.

Continue. Moving right along. We could stay on this or I bet Ramone would really appreciate sexual harassment in the metaverse. Oh.

Ramone would probably have some takes on that. Ramone would probably have a lot of takes on everything we're going to look at. Sexual harassment in the metaverse? Oh. Ramon would probably have some takes on that. Ramon would probably have a lot of takes on everything we're going to look at. Sexual harassment in the metaverse. I mean, this is bound to happen. That's not a video. There's no video with this. Will there ever be rape in the metaverse, do you think?

I mean, it's already. Well, how does that happen? I mean, nobody's actually. But I mean, like. Right. Maybe you can't log off. Can you get arrested? Yeah.

Could you, in the future get arrested for penetrating someone's avatar that's crazy man uh probably yeah would they actually claim that it's like act like this is gonna this will happen this will have to happen in a world where uh the majority of your time is in the metaverse right you know what i mean right because then you're you're experienced in the metaverse you now have trauma and be tainted it would be tainted or or a young person someone who's under age i could see this happening if they're online you know what i mean what if you what if you what if you uh uh used your avatar that you know you're like you know something you're like touching a kid what if you're just a big yeah you're just like everybody get up yeah what if you're like a hot chick and you're like a big fat dude but you're like touching a kid. What if you're just a big slut? Yeah, you're just a big slut. You're just like everybody get up in here.

Yeah, what if you're like a hot chick and you're like a big fat dude, but you're on the metaverse? A decent lawyer would be able to, you know, make any accusation of this. Yeah. Ridiculous. Yeah, you'd be like, I hear you, but they didn't do that. They didn't. Yolanda, this isn't real.

I'll say, I'll say, I'll say. It's the damn metaverse, I say what is the equivalent of metaverse it's the equivalent of like putting uh you know kids playing call of duty like saying racist slurs right yeah which by the way can they do something to them uh do you have a case if like if well i know that that girl that got arrested for like encouraging that kid to kill himself virtually right but that was that was pretty outrageous though all right oh what about this okay so what if you like raped someone in the metaverse and then the trauma because they got raped they went and killed themselves and they're like blaming you in the note or something and then they're like i did this or you like fuck them and we're like kill yourself kill yourself well sure then then you

maybe have yeah i'd have to be pretty egregious there's those there's those really dark internet forums where it's like people who do do that suicide thing. Like people who are suicidal go on the forums and then a bunch of people are like, yeah, you should kill yourself. This is how. I think they're on the dark web or some shit. Yeah, of course.

It's really twisted shit. Big in Japan. This is what, okay, this is the sexual harassment in the metaverse. A woman in the UK wrote in a blog post on Medium that she experienced a real horror play out in the UK wrote in a blog post on Medium that she experienced a real horror play out in the virtual game Horizon Worlds, developed by Meta, formerly known as Facebook.

But, okay, how come Facebook, when you go on Facebook, it still says Facebook? It's not Meta? Because Meta's the company. Facebook's, like, part of it now. Alright. Within 60 seconds of joining, she wrote in the post from December, I was verbally and sexually harassed. Three to four male avatars with male

voices essentially, but virtually gang raped my half-daughter. What? How did they do that? What if this looks like horrible in the future? Like us laughing at this is like, could you believe? This is what actually ends everything.

It's eventually going to be like the Uncanny Valley, right? Now they're like a bunch of little bubbles of faces and floating hands, but eventually it's going to be a man pulling his pants off and his dick's going to get hard and it's going to look real. I guess if you could see the person

then it's like yeah what what do streakers get charged with or like people that flash like indecent you can get on the uh offender i don't know if it's sexual harassment is an indecent exposure indecent exposure i think it is she details watching her avatar get sexually assaulted by she's like watching through her fingers. Her avatar. Just turn it off. By a handful of male avatars who took photos

and sent her comments like don't pretend you didn't love him. You came to the wrong level. I mean. Welcome to hell. The woman is vice president of metaverse research for Kaboom Adventures. Where did this rape take place?

It was in Blood Gulch, sir. Yeah, we raped each other all the time in fucking Halo. We were teabagging each other and shit. Yeah, you'd squat down. Yeah. I was raped in Vice City. It is not safe for street was raped in Vice City. It is not safe for streetwalkers

in Vice City. Anyone can just walk up and get and they are forced by the algorithm to get in their car. Yeah. And what is it?

One star? That's all they get? They're assigned a taller and more attractive overcharge to perform better in the games. So they're basically saying, like,

after her initial blog post about the incident, Nina Jane Patel recounts receiving comments calling it a pathetic cry for attention and urging her not to pick a female avatar next time. No women allowed in the metaverse, bitch. Sorry, what'd you think? You see what your avatar was wearing? Imagine Mark Zuckerberg being like,

all right, well, we just won't have women in Mark Zuckerberg's response okay well we will I guess we'll kill women yeah we will have Sriracha everybody loves Sriracha god that guy's a freak it doesn't seem it seems like there was this was a one and one and done doesn't seem like there was other women claiming that they were raped in you know

Halo or whatever not yet it takes one to come forward. Yeah. The Meta Me Too movement. This is going to be crazy. It's going to be like an episode of Harvey Bird, man. It's going to be Sonic the Hedgehog was butt-fucked. But even as that is... Jones says, because the male avatars could be anonymous and may be hard to track down,

it could get difficult to get help on a case like this. The large majority of harassment... It's not a case of harassment that happens online, even if it is criminally actionable, you would be hard-pressed, I would say almost impossible, to find a law enforcement agency legitimately willing to help. Yes, I hope. I hope they're investigating fucking, you know, actual crimes.

I hope they do a law and order for the metaverse. Dun dun. Dun dun. Oh, fuck. Olivia Benton's still there. An SVU episode. Ice Cube's like, what's this? Olivia Benson's still there. SVU, an SVU episode. Ice Cube's like, what's the metaverse? What's the actress who plays Olivia Benson again?

What's her name? Mariska Hargitay? She oddly looks like Caitlyn Jenner now. She does. She's apparently like an alcoholic. She's got that face. Yeah, I've heard that. She looks almost identical to Caitlyn Jenner.

I would love to see Caitlyn Jenner solving crimes in the metaverse. Ding, ding. What were you saying, Don? What is this Ukraine stuff you were talking about? We're not going to get into it, but we're bored of Ukraine, too. Yeah, but there's this video of this guy. But enough of the war. There's this guy who goes on, I guess,

like a Russian chat roulette, and he has a Ukrainian flag, and they just talk shit about him and call him a fag. They call a Ukrainian guy? Yeah, and he's like, why are you talking to me like this? The Russians do?

No, the Ukrainian guy's like, why must you judge me? And it's like, what do you mean? They've invaded your country let's take a gander okay this guy's getting owned so russians are just making fun of a ukrainian yeah why is this guy just like on the internet why isn't he like on the internet? Why isn't he like running for his life? Why isn't he like, yeah. Why is he just

like chilling on chat roulette? Yeah. He's like, I'm just looking for a shoddy. There's like a bar, a building exploding next to him. The biggest power move is if they started talking shit about him, he'd just pan the camera down and his big fat cock was there. No, I don't give a fuck.

Russians are mean. Go fuck yourself. What's ho-ho? Go defend Bond. They're telling him to go fight. Yeah. Oh, they're just being kids. To be honest, I'm from Moscow

and I don't have a positive view on them. What's ho-ho? What's ho-ho, man? It's a derogatory term. This is my favorite one. Is that an Asian-Ukrainian? Yeah, these guys are like in outer Siberia. People look Asian.

Digging for mammoth ivory. They're taking pictures of us. Yo, don't move. Are you from Donbass? No, I'm from Kiev. And we're in Donetsk. Ukraine is our land. What's wrong with you?

Oh, Khokhlandia. Hello. Hello. Why are you insulting me? I forgot that Ukraine is Ukraine. I thought it was Khokhlandia. I love the piano music. Are those little kids?

We're from Russia, go fuck yourself. It's like out of a Judd Apatow movie. These Russians are kicking this guy's ass. Yeah, we're like a kid to be like, you suck. Wow, these Russians. These Ukrainians are, he's just taking it though. That's the thing. He's trying to make like a point, you know,

like I stand while people throw things at me sort of thing. I bet a bunch of people didn't. He just was on there for long enough where he collected a bunch of shitty Russians just being like assholes. But it's also the Internet. This is what people on the Internet do. Yeah. When has it not been? Like, it's the place where you can be the biggest asshole, the worst version of yourself.

Hide behind the screen. I love that I'm, like, passionately defending the Russians for some reason. Yeah, like, this would be, like, fucking... What do you expect, you Ukrainian piece of shit? It's casualties of online war, dude. Yeah, there's, like... It's just a wild video. They're, like, people, like, getting fucking, like, their heads blown off in fields, and then all of a sudden yeah there's like it's just a wild video they're like they're like people like getting fucking like their heads blown off in fields and then all of a sudden this guy's like

i'm getting harassed yeah by people living in moscow right yeah they're calling me names yeah i think i'm just getting annoyed of like anyone who stays on it's like log off yeah you're you're in the capital city of a country that's currently encircled by a bunch of Chechnyans. Do you live with your parents? Maybe your mom needs some help with something while the city's getting taken over. Go get some beans. It's kind of annoying, I guess, maybe, because everyone's caring about your country and what's going on, and you're just spending all your time on the internet.

Yeah, you're online. You probably jacked off right the internet. Yeah, you're online. So it does, you know. He probably jacked off right before this. Right, yeah. And I'm sure it's horrible for a lot of people. All I hear is the horrible, horrible things. Then, you know, you just see like, oh, I have time to edit together a video of Russians making fun of me on the internet.

I mean, he is kind of helping with the war effort. Okay, he's making Russians look like dickheads. That's true. That's true. Maybe he's like a super high level psychological warfare guy. I need to see something that makes me okay with paying close to $7 a gallon.

This isn't cutting it. Oh yeah. Call him more names! I want to call him some names. Why don't you find me on chat roulette. Yeah. Goddamn ho, holy.

What is a hole? I just said like the N word for you. Yeah. What is it? Mean fucking ho, ho. Let's say, what does ho,

ho mean? Probably just gonna say like derogatory Ukrainian Cossack surname. Ho, ho is a type of duck. Oh, so it's probably like it's saying like, uh, when you call like a Jewish person, you're like, you fucking Steins. Advocatory. Ukrainian Cossacks surname. Ho-Hol is a type of duck. Oh, so it's probably like it's saying like when you call like a Jewish person, you're like you fucking Steins because it's like a common last name. Oh, okay.

Yeah. And Cossacks are kind of like cowboy people. Okay, so yeah. They're like people of the steppe. They're like the Appalachians of Ukraine. Yeah, they're scary people. Go after yourself, fucking ho-ho. I love these two guys. Tie ho-ho to the last one.

Yeah, these guys. These guys are about to suck each other off, and they're like, oh, quick. Stupid ho-ho. Well, that was interesting. There's two bros. What are the comments? They're all like, this is it. Oh, yeah, it's Reddit, so it's gonna be horrific. I'd say the propaganda is working on them. Hard to have sympathy for them being brainwashed when they're so smug about it. Real hard. Right. So let's going to be horrific. I'd say the propaganda is working on them. Hard to have sympathy for them being brainwashed

when they're so smug about it. Real hard. Let's kill a bunch of people. We weren't a part of propaganda with Iraq. You were smug, so you deserve to die. You were smug, damn! We killed a million people. What's this here? What's this here modern day night project

there's a guy there's a fucking guy out there that's just uh people pay him to like scream at them uh he pays them to turn bitches into beasts nice this must have been like i can't believe we both saw this today the today must have been like a massive media push for them or probably yeah they must have paid i was like a month ago push for them or something. Probably, yeah. They must have paid. I had seen it months ago, and I thought about bringing it up. Oh, really? Okay. So it's like a grifter, like David Goggins, but even more of a grifter.

Good bitchy. I'm acting like I'm big-timing John. I'm like, I actually saw it months ago. I've known about the Modern Day Night Project for a long time. We should sign you up for the Modern Day Night Project. I would crush that shit. I'm a beast. Jesus, in the Modern Day Night Project. So what is he? This should be a cakewalk for me.

John, what is he? It just seems like they do a special forces selection in the army and they make you do a bunch of tough shit, but it just seems like somebody paying to do it. It's a grift. The project is a 75 hour experience. It's like what Navy SEALs do where you see them in the ocean.

Who know that you might have areas in the ocean and they're on their arm. And they do like a... A middle-aged man version of it. You know you've got greater potential and there's a higher purpose for you here. The project is not an experience. It's also a process. It's like administering chemotherapy to a cancerous area of the body. You symbolize your death and all the regrets you would have had when you get in the grave. Interesting.

They bury you alive. You pay a lot of money to do that? Yeah. It's purpose-driven. How much is it? Every single evolution is purpose-driven. I think it's like 12,000. Holy shit.

11,000 maybe? To show emotional discipline, to communicate, and to problem-solve. And then they have like, you know, afterwards, they train have like so the project is here for a purpose to help you become the man like weekly you know i think the subscription i remember saying was like 97 all we're going to do as instructors over the next 75 hours is administer the project no different than a doctor would administer chemotherapy to a cancerous body no different no different no different it's no different my god's no different than that. Oh, my God. Yeah, no different than life-saving medicine. It's just a bunch of retards and a swimming pool. A bunch of guys saying, like, go back and help your team. Oh, dude, did you see that one?

That was so funny. Yeah, yeah, go. He's yelling at this very jacked guy. Go to your notes. I remember I kind of put this down. Or the email, whatever. This is great. All right, and then go to all right right here ray core that one click on that yeah this is great all right then go to his insta go to reels all

right yeah his instinct this is a different guy so this guy is like one of the head trainer guys and then go down yeah go down go down go down. Oh, you're holding stuff for a sec. That one right there. Yeah, this is great. Ray Cash. Yeah, Ray Cash. I love this. One more fucking word, you're gone. I'm not fucking around. Shut up.

You paid $12,000 for it. This guy paid and he's being yelled at. You're gone. He's like, no, you can't. I paid. Shut up. Stop rolling your fucking eyes. This guy paid and he's being yelled at. You're gone. He's like, no, you can't. I paid. I paid. He's like, I paid, asshole. He goes, whip me now. I paid for my whipping. Lay a fucking finger on me. I'll sue the

shit out of you, Ryan Cash. Stop asking for fucking electrolytes and be a fucking man. Stop asking for electrolytes. You are not impressing me here with your little fucking machines and shit this guy must be like the dumbest person you're good because you have all these fucking comforts shut the fuck up and be a team player and go fucking join your team you say another fucking word you're gone that's the fucking project bro there's dudes watching fucking hard bro he's watching i being like, that's fucking hard, bro. There's dudes watching that being like,

I'll sign up because he would never do that to me, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I'm such a team player, bro. Yeah, exactly. Like, I would watch a big Jack Chad get yelled at and I'd be the guy supporting my team, dude. Yeah, hell yeah. Let's watch more of these guys' videos.

I'm a fucking leader, bro, and I'm here to prove it. Oh, he's got a front door. Oh, the video has no sound. Oh, God. What the hell? I can do whatever I want. What? What?

He does these things with his wife, too. Who's really the boss? It's terrifying that these people walk amongst us. You're just the big bitch in the family. If I saw this being recorded at TGI Fridays, I'd be like, what? What is my title? Break-ass caterer for my Navy SEAL. Boom.

And she's like mocking him? She's a humiliatrix. She's a humiliatrix. Oh, you're Ray Cash Care, huh? You think you're so big and tough? You know, you could charge these people $20,000. She's like, eat your own cum. Here's a countdown.

Ten. Lick it off the floor. Nine. Eight. Seven. Eat my discharge. Fucking pussy. Hey, Ray, pay me 12 grand to eat my discharge, you fucking faggot.

You like cream of mushroom soup, Ray? Fuck you. I'm thinking about another man, too, Ray. Is this Ray Cash getting his hair cut? What is this? All right, guys, Cash here. Oh, he's tan. Tan, Ray Cash getting his hair cut? What is this? Alright guys, Cash here Oh, he's tan We call this the double barrel

3, 2, 1 He's getting his ears waxed I mean, that seems like it feels good I need my ears waxed You ever trim your hair? Was he on Rogan really Steel Pier is simply this

so Steel Pier is is when they take you to a barge and it's I know people don't think San Diego gets cold but it gets cold

it's a piece of steel and it's that water is cold and they wet it down and they wet it down and you freeze they make you eat your own cum

they fucking you sit there that's not foam bro bro. That's cum. That's cum. It is sticky. And this is another story I always talk about, Jason Redman. When your body and mind just say no more.

What the fuck is going on with the fucking recorder, dude? It's not recording again. What? Alright. It went green. What does that mean? It means it stopped recording. Is it because we're going? Can you try while we're doing this right now to fix it?

Press it again. I mean, okay, now it's recording again, but I don't know. Give it a shot. Sorry, guys. I don't know how to fucking sync it, but whatever. I'm trying to figure it out later. I'm going to die. Maybe there's two parts.

Do you want to stop that recording? No. Yeah, that was, we were on fire. That's all right. It's all right. It's all right. Whatever. It won't be video, I guess, for the last half, but.

Sorry. That's really fucking annoying. Hey, the table's clear, though, guys. Yeah, the table's clear. Look at that clear table. There's your little spring cleaning. I'm just going to stop. I'm just going to stop that because there's no point. Stop what? The recording.

Like entirely? No, no, no. Just the video. We just done a video for the second half of this. Oh, so there's no video now? At the beginning there was. Okay. It's just going to keep turning off. I don't know what's going on, but anyway. Ray Cash will fix it. Dude, if we fucking went to the... If we were knights, okay it's just gonna keep turning off i don't know what's going on but anyway it's ray cash

we'll fix it dude if we fucking went to the if we were knights we were modern knights none of this would happen because we cut corners and we're delving too much into the bitch and not the beast yeah all right where does your bitch line where does your beast line inside your body dude my fucking my beast it's in it's in my fucking it's beast, it's in my fucking, it's in my balls. It's in my cojones. In your balls? Yeah. In your bitch, is it in your ass?

Dude, my bitch is my heart. You can't have no heart if you want to be a beast. That shit needs to be ice cold. Yeah, yeah. You fucking bitch. Yeah, you got warm blood, dude. Hell yeah, I'm warm. I'm cold.

What are you talking about? I'm cold. I'm saying before you let the beast in your balls out. And now, yeah, all I do is listen to my balls and I'm cold-blooded, baby. Your balls get heavier. All thanks to Ray Cash. He has 120,000 followers. I mean, half of them are, you know.

Yeah, I mean, how about you? It's not as fun if we, oh, you know what could be good to do? Sorry to pivot. Maybe we'll come back to this at some point because there's more to look at there's tons uh let's do uh amber heard because it's only audio there is no video for that lovely good so we always have obviously this is an old story it's not like this is brand new shit but we realize that there's like hours or an hour at least of um johnny depp and amber heard recordings that we've never looked into never looked phenomenal so let's do that and that's that play it is this during the court case

no this is there's like recordings of them fighting there's like just tons of recordings oh this is god this could be a whole episode yeah so we might it might have to be because i don't know we could do a two-parter. Yeah, we'll keep going with it. So sorry about the video or whatever. I don't know what's going on. It is what it is. It is what it is. You're going to see like 20 minutes on YouTube,

and then the rest will just be audio because I don't know what the fuck's been going on today, but the fucking stupid, you know, it's only $700 fucking thing, and of course, you know, it works half the time. Yeah. It's great. Things will get ironed out, guys. Yeah.

I thought that we had some sort of game plan I told you what I needed you said we should she's recording didn't she like shit in his bed I don't know she's like I told you I shit like a cat I needed to shit in the bed look it up real quick I mean really she shit in his bed I think yeah let's skip. I mean, really? She shit in his bed, I think.

Yeah. Let's skip right to that. Why are you shitting in my bed? Amber. Amber. This never happened. I drink. On the set of Gilbert Grave.

Johnny Depp. Johnny Depp says, feces in bed was last straw in marriage. I was singing Sweet Clementine and drinking my favorite port and I turned over my bed and lo and behold, Amber had shit herself. God, Amber, you fucking savage.

You shit the bed. Amber Heard was a lesbian before Johnny Depp and was arrested for domestic abuse of her girlfriend. She beat her girlfriend. Yeah. Oh, my God. She's a lying scumbag. Yeah.

She's a little psychopath. I love Johnny Depp. He's such a drunk shit. Oh, yeah. He's great. He's like from Oklahoma and he's had like a fuck. He's acted like he's from like the- Yeah, Kentucky.

He's acted like he's from the south of France his whole life. Yeah, he always has this weird- He has like some weird accent. European accent. He's doing the- Ian accent he's doing the he's doing the t.s elliott thing it's it's a mixture between uh fucking uh hunter s thompson and jack sparrow that's what happened to him he hung out with hunter s thompson he was jack sparrow for too long so he just he's a fake man yeah well this is good i love the red versus blue thing going on

yeah really I can't trust you because I feel like somebody's been shitting in my bed oh shit Really? I can't trust you I feel like somebody's been shitting in my bed Oh shit You flinged your shit at me like a fucking baboon Come on you cannot act like that It's about that

It's not No and you hit back So don't act like you don't fucking participate Oh you're trying to fucking conniving. You and I both know that you split when there is no physical violence involved. And that you do it at the very beginning of fights these days.

And if you split and you go into a different room and you don't actually leave that house, it does nothing but perpetuate a fight. A couple of things to address already. Shut up, you big bitch. That's a massive power move. I hate these people on YouTube that

analyze body language and shit. You're a fucking nobody. Play the clip and move on with your life. Play the clip and get to your job at Wawa. You fucking YouTuber retard. Fucking analyzing shit. You don't know anything. If you did, you'd make money

at it. I know a dinger team about body language. I mean, getting another room in a hotel is just the same thing. That's cool. That's awesome. Well, I had to because it stunk like shit. I was afraid of you shitting in my bed, Amber.

It's chronic. If you do it to go into another room, you do it and you get dressed. I was afraid of you shitting in my bed, Amber. It's chronic. What's next? And if you do it to go into another room, you do it and you get dressed. You were fucking screaming at me. He rocks, dude. I'm not going to validate my actions last night. Yeah, because you can't.

No, I'm talking in Toronto. I did not start screaming until you had fucking said all this shit. You poke an animal enough, it is eventually going to matter. Oh, my God. So you're saying you're an animal. Yeah, you're an animal. He just wants some fucking peace and quiet, and you can't stop shitting in his bed and fucking beating him with wine bottles.

Leave the man alone. I know Johnny Depp's like, I'm just trying to drink until the clicking goes away in my head. You won't shut the fuck up. So she mentioned it. Oh, really? Tell us more, scumbag. I love this shut the fuck up. So she mentioned it. Tell us more, scumbag. I love this happy little... Hi, just popping in here.

To ruin the video. This is not about a fight. This is broad. This is a broad thing. And if I'm telling you... A broad thing? Every single time you get in trouble, and you fucking split the top of a fight, you never fucking try and work it out. You never fight for you never come to me you never self-calm you never self-suit you're never the one to throw the olive branch i'm sick and tired of it you sound like you're

getting pretty angry and you can go i can't meet those demands i can't do it or you can fucking promise me so i have a modicum of safety i feel modicum of safety. I feel a modicum of respect. A little tiny shit sliver of fucking like you are in this whether it is good or bad. Whether it is good or bad. Down and up. I thought we were going to shit the bed together. She's upset. This is supposed to be a couple's thing.

We haven't done anything as a couple in years, Johnny. I wanted to shit the bed with you. Tough and easy. They're like sitting around with a shaman taking laxatives together like it's ayahuasca. Shut the fuck up. He removes himself from hostile environments. In her words, every single time you split at the top or beginning of a fight.

She sounds really bad. She's a horrible person. Public opinion turned around on her and they think Johnny Depp's like fine. Yeah, it's kind of crazy how she thought this would be like validating for her. She sounds horrific. Public opinion turned around on her and they think Johnny Depp's fine. It's kind of crazy how she thought this would be validating for her. She sounds horrific. Johnny Depp, I think, had a temporary cancellation because of it. He's pretty much been redeemed. He's in commercials

now. We have not been good. When I fucking move out, if I move out, then you'll have them and you can fucking relish them. You won't fucking like it what you hear won't make you happy she's like stupid do you could tell like she doesn't make sense but you hear what i'm telling self-calm she sounds exactly like my ex is kind of fucking triggering this is crazy i know where we are to boston here i know

where we are we've been on the road basically since australia and i have your side and I hope you were I'm not talking about just I'm talking about many months and was it all the honey no I have been at your side throughout it all just said why did you come to Rio and I wish you wouldn't be I just want to drink my rum I want to be in peace and you stink up the place with your poop pants you always run from when it's tough I'm telling you

I need we didn't say vows you didn't make them exactly in the same in that way you know but now is the fucking time I need to know if you're going to be there I want promises I told you that at the beginning of this conversation

he doesn't want to deal with her bullshit and it's infuriating not when it's easy when it's hard too this is something you'll fight for this is something that's sacred that neither of us go out every fight But it's hard, too. This is something you'll fight for. This is something that's sacred. Johnny is full dissociation. Oh, yeah.

He's like completely just staring at the floor. Just like completely. He's off. He's rolling a cigarette. Yeah. He's just thinking about his experience on Gilbert Grape. All the good times with Hunter S. Thompson. Yeah.

I want to hold the promises. I was in Toronto and it fucked me over. I can't be the only one. You can't be the only one. He's like, you know, I had a better time making The Tourist. Angelina Jolie is much nicer than the New Yorker. Did you ever see that, Amber? That hunk of shit? Well, I'd rather make that for the rest of my life than spend time with you.

You lying whore. I like that he's wasted yeah he's just sitting there just just waves of this bullshit just splashing against i wish he was talking more he doesn't need to he's letting her run her fucking mouth and it's tougher you know that's stronger i'm stronger she's saying nothing it easy to run. It is easy to run away from problems. It is easy to take that out and say, well, that's the easiest. I mean, that's the best, safest.

That's the safest way out. I'm not saying we should get him physical altercations. I never want to be in that. But she's open to the possibility of them. Well, she's setting him up. This is a setup. Like, can you keep bringing up physical altercations? It implies that it's happening. So his silence will never it's not an

admission but it could be implied that way right he kind of rocks you can't it's easy it's it's not brave it's not strong like because he's not saying it didn't happen but he did i want to work this out i want to face what i have i want to face what you have i want to work this out. I want to face what I have. I want to face what you have. I want to work it out with you. You're not working it out. You're running away. And then you make me be the bigger person every single time and come to you and knock on the door and come to this house and say, hey, we're married. It's supposed to be sacred. Come down. Calm down.

I made you. Yes, by default. If you're never the one to do it, one of us is. And I'm the one to do it every time. I'm the bigger person every time it means I have to be the strong one it means every time I have to fight for our relationship you get to be not

you get to be lazy you get to be cowardly he's probably playing Candy Crush on his phone he's like give me a second I gotta calm down once again I am fighting for the relationship with a guy that you don't fucking trust or like I did not say that I love you you're my favorite person in how i remember what i said at the beginning i'm

sorry i don't see how i could imagine it but i said this to you at the beginning of this conversation i said you're my favorite voice annoying if you weren't the most magnetic shiny beautiful interesting dynamic person i had ever met in my life it would be so easy to walk away from this thing that you do trustworthy um did you hear what i just said i said i can't trust i can't trust that's not meaning you're untrustworthy it means we've created a situation and i'm telling you what you have created too we've created a situation in which there it there cannot trust can't grow it's like It's trampled every single time and we need a marriage. That's why I sat down.

She's recording this, right? This is some Mel Gibson wife shit. She's trying to get him in a gotcha moment. At the very beginning of this conversation, I'm saying just that to you. Say, I know you got married for security and for safety. So did I. We did not get married because it was something that we're doing.

Because it was something we could walk away we wanted the state that foundation no I won't yes I wanted to make you my wife yes yes but you could just have me as your girlfriend you didn't want the foundation and you told me and maybe you go back on it now fine okay cool lie about that I don't know you told me you wanted the security you wanted the safety you liked the foundation at the beginning you said i really like having that it feels safe so don't argue with me when i say it now i'm not arguing with you oh yeah but you had to pick it apart he's done like now he said nothing i know yeah my wife i wanted you to be my wife that's

picking it apart no yeah it's called how did i pick it apart it's called sweet nothings amber you're like you said this and you said that's like yeah we were having a romantic moment i'm sure he does say stuff like i know and i'm sure he believed it yeah suddenly you don't want to answer what am i not answering because i don't want to fight about this new thing no i don't want to he's saying fucking in something safety and security you stop me you interrupted me and then you said what because I know because I wanted to have you as my interrupt you you asked me right you said right I met you interjected I met you said you said how about that see now is this better I answered you I addressed what you're saying that can we please not fight about that I said because I love you said loved what what what oh you gotcha

gotcha oh my god he's so tired of her down he's so exhausted. This man is just beaten down. He is done. He just needs a nap. Yeah. He is so sick. He needs a week of just peace and rest. Oh, my God. She's doing what every relationship fight is, where you try to confuse the person

and spin these circles until their head spins, and then you go like, no, you said loved. Past tense. Yeah, you get into this. He's going, no, you know what I mean, retard. And you go like no you said loved yeah yeah you get into the same thing you you know what i mean and you go like what now now i have three other arguments to win before i get back to the initial one because you're now making up all these other problems oh my god what

a hell what a living hell every man is in a hell of their own creation yes you married me though because you wanted say some safety some security some stability a foundation these are those arguments that you've been in where it's just like it's going nowhere this argument this is pointless this is a complete waste of my life you just want to say something it's you're living when you're in an argument, you're like, this is purgatory. This is a completely meaningless interaction in my life. This is a circle of hell. Yep. Would you not agree?

I need the same things. So I... When you start flipping out. Stop being a cunt. I can't put a word in. And it's, you know, manic and angry. What the fuck, Amber? I get angry. I get, I'm human. No. know, manic and angry. What the fuck, Amber? I get angry.

I get, I'm human. No. Hey, she gets angry. She yells. She hits him. It's human. Let her be human. Notice who the voice of reason here is,

saying that he doesn't want to be there and go through it because he just doesn't want to fight, which in turn makes her even more angry because apparently... Try. Let's both try if there's anger if there's something fucking really really fucking poking us in the ass let's try try not to fucking fight try to address it okay he's so dark oh yeah yeah jumping down each other's throats because all that's gonna do is build a mountain how much do you suck at doing a hidden

recording that you can't get you someone who's like yeah she hasn't even she didn't go she thought she would just record it and like win and he's gonna be like because she's such a narcissist she didn't even realize that she knows she didn't go into this knowing she's an awful person yeah and that she would have to come off like a uh somebody that's going to get him angry right she just went into it like well i'm a woman i'm i everyone's gonna side with me because this is how it goes and and she's she forgot that she had to uh rile him up she needed a trick and she went into it without a trick. She just thought pressing record would be like, I win! And she thought like these moments where she's like,

I'm human! And then everyone would be like, God, he just like, must be pushing those emotions down. He's not paying attention to her and then you hear him and he's like, I don't want to fight. I do love you. I'm not, I'm listening to you. You know, it's like all the... He just wants her to stop being furious. Just stop being an angry, horrible person You know, it's like all the... Yep. He just wants her to stop being furious.

Yeah, I know. Just stop being an angry, horrible person. Johnny Depp's like, I haven't had water in nine years. My head is killing me. Because of you and the lack of water. Because of you and the hatred and the love. And totally fucking mistrust. Because you say you don't trust me, you don't trust me.

I get it, okay. I'm flake, I'm a this, I'm a that. I didn't say as a person. Yeah, she's a classic skeezoid, dude. Good take, John. Another skeezoid. She's a fucking skeezoid, dude. Got her. Well, then I don't know, you know.

I want the trust back i don't this is like black and white thinking you're like the most amazing person i've ever seen i can't trust you ever whatever i'm telling you i'm telling you do you like a cigarette i don't i don't know you just hear he's like trying to light a cigarette just hear be like ah don't hit me. Yeah, don't, man. I was like, what are you doing? I don't want to fucking fight. It doesn't have to be one. It's not like I'm saying, hey, choose fight.

You just said I get mad. I'm going to scream. No. Yeah. Before the recorder turned on, is that what she said? Be like, time for me to scream and be like are we recording happens yes I know happens all what a fucking child yet happens all it just happens get angry tiring you don't get to just yell at somebody cuz you're like I feel human it's so funny if she actually spent some time in jail that'd be awesome

it's a bunch of hot baby oil poured on her they fry her hands and at the same time the the guy that runs away and you run away every single time. I got a letter from Amber. She can't afford food because she's spending all her money on drugs. I'm not lying about it. Then what are you doing with me? I already answered that. I already spent... We went through this conversation literally five minutes ago.

I answered this already five minutes ago. You just said to me that I shouldn't be with you. No, I said if you... That's what I feel. No, I said if I'm some you know Harping bully, which is what you make me sound like you are constantly on you making me feel bad. That's cuz that's what I do And then you ignore everything you take me for granted You're ignoring everything that I do for you. You make me sound terrible. You talk about me in a terrible way you

You do not fight for me. And then you want to sit here and make me sound so terrible to be around. What do you mean I don't fight for you? You don't. Everything I've already explained. No. Ten minutes before. No, fight for you.

I don't understand. You never, ever do the work. She's like, I never see you commit crimes for me. And that's true love. Johnny, why won't you possibly have legal action taken against you for me? Put in the work. If we're arguing about something, you don't ever try to get to the bottom of it and figure out who it is. He's literally doing that right now.

We want to make it easy on you, so you split. You don't fight for me. You don't fight when there's a problem. You don't come to me. You don't make peace with me. You never extend an olive branch. You're never the bigger olive branch you're never the bigger guy you're never the one that's like okay i'm gonna put my own feelings you can tell she's

a child because everything she says is is an extreme it's always like you've never ever done this you've never ever done that you've never ever eaten food you've never gone to the bathroom like just things that all have to be impossible. You never make me mac and cheese anymore. It's always, you never, that's how you know you're a child. This is like the borderline thing.

It's insane, dude. You never remove the crust from my PB&J anymore. And he's not fighting for you because he's not going to enter a battle he knows he's going to lose. Right.

Why would this, he already knows this isn't going anywhere. Yeah. When these things go public, nobody sides with the man. No. Yeah. no yeah second and say this is bigger than us let's stop fighting johnny never are the ones to come and knock on my door he's just staying like silent you take me for granted just like i guarantee if he did that he doesn't even know that like i need you to leave

me alone what if he was like if he would like go and be the bigger man like she wants to be another problem yeah like oh i need you to leave me alone. You're too possessive. It's insane. Yeah. I bet this whole time he's been watching. Oh, if he fought for her, he'd be... Here we go. Fucking pots.

I'm not the one who throws fucking pots. That's different. That's different? Oh my god. Jesus, it's justifying. It's not irrelevant. You threw a pot at her. That's different? That's different? Oh my god. One does not negate the other. She's justifying. It's irrelevant. It's not irrelevant. You threw a pot at her. That's irrelevant.

I threw pots and pans. Does not mean that you She's also like legitimately She's also Hold on. She's also like a moron

because she's recording herself saying that she's thrown pots and pans at him. You're totally right. She's such a narcissist. He's just like

you're throwing vases and pots. Knock on the door. Just because there are vases does not mean that you come and knock on the door really i should just let you throw i'm not saying that you're saying that you're putting words in my mouth and then god he's with a legitimate moron trying to justify how you don't or do come to the door no i'm justifying how she's like down in my room seem to think that there's this cowardice in me that runs away and I don't fight for you and you're justifying that by saying I

throw pots and pans okay cool let's talk about everything you do wrong so that makes so that makes sense so that makes complete sense you idiot do it the only time I ever threw anything at you was when you fucking are you through the cans at me in australia why are you trying to justify who throws things based on whether or not you come knocking on the door because that is a fucking irrational and violent fucking what i mean what are we you know we're splitting hairs it doesn't care who shot who so a man would want to get out of that area so that he doesn't get so fucking angry that he actually does pop the fucking wife

wait replay that johnny dev rocks listen to that area so that he doesn't get so fucking angry that he actually does pop the fucking wife oh man listen to the tape you were on please that's what they're for yes you listen to the fucking table i'm gonna so will i and here we have Amber admitting to throwing pots, pants, or a can of beer. We heard it. A bunch.

To physically assault him. You'll never fuck up. I know you want to live in a world where everyone just says yes to you. Here's the thing. She's recording us, so she's being cool. You know what I mean? This is what most of our arguments aren't like. This is her version of being cool, and she still sounds like a psycho.

Yeah. Don't insult me like that, please. That's not the case. It's not why you're with me. I mean, she literally went to that like, he's like, you threw pots at me. She's like, oh, you're going to bring the pots up. The pots.

Here we go again. Boo-hoo. Poor Johnny. Got a little shiner because I threw a pot at him. That's your problem. That's your whole thing. That's your problem. You have a problem with when people lie. She's really backwards, man.

It's wild. I'm not going to refight this fight. You have something you're holding on to about Travis. Fucking go. Fucking go fuck you know go do it go run away together i don't know what you're fucking holding on to but you have created that i have no part of that i don't know what you're fucking latched on to in your brain what stray hairs travis scott they're like bros

fucking co-mingled he's like I wanna go sicko mode because you the way you talked to Travis when we were going sicko mode was just a real spectacle last night I mean we were drunk

and you wouldn't even drive us to get his meal at McDonald's and it was just you just threw pots and pans at us you know when we were

a couple of birds in the trap you were a spectacle I know a guy who'll do it for the Louis Belt this is not unusual for you you act like I treat you like of birds in the trap you were a spectacle i know a guy who'll do it for the louis belt this is not i mean unusual for you you act like i treat you like security at astroworld for christ's sake i've done nothing of the sort let's let's ask travis tonight if you told me why don't we

invite travis into our you want us to? We fucking wield truck of a marriage. Why don't we crash it straight into the wall because no one knows us better than fucking Travis. You're just afraid that the truth will come out. What truth? That you lied. What are you fucking talking about? That you lied.

That you lied. He's awesome, dude. Johnny Depp is the shit. Yeah, he's killing it. You don't even have a fucking thing to lie about. What are you fucking talking about? Every fucking fight, there's a new thing that you've convinced yourself is a lie. I said to you, Amber, tell Travis

what you just did. Did you punch me in the fucking jaw? Did you fucking kick me? And you wouldn't say a fucking word. I don't know what you're talking about. I see the lie you really should run with this in fact maybe you and travis can like go and like oh you know do it tell all about what a way you're an investigative study attitude right that's in the girls handbook 101 if you

bring up any friend they always end up going why don't you go fuck him yeah and she's trying to get around that because she doesn't want to sound homophobic yeah she's still conscious of that sorry amber appears to not know what johnny's talking about things that johnny's she's lying to a big investigative study you've done i'm not sitting here fighting the situation with a fight that we had last night got physically violent with me i texted traps i said come up here because I didn't want anything to happen. He's coming to save me. No, go ahead. Continue.

Travis, do the rescue. That was the last one. You can go. You go. You go. Hell yeah, dude. That was the last insult. You called me a liar and yet you... I wish he was just cocking a gun. He called me a liar and yet...

I wish he was just cocking a gun. He's cleaning a gun. Like an old-timey pirate gun. He's got a blunderbuss. Every single fucking time. You know you do this every single fucking time. I'm not fucking talking to nobody. Fuck that. You go fucking jerk...

Go jerk him off. There you go. Right on time. When I already told you, I don't know what you're fucking talking about you don't know you still haven't even told me what it is but run with it you have told you what it is no you have it I said to Travis I said no I said to you hey tell Travis what just happened you can tell me to do it you told me to do it. You told me to. You said, go do that. I said, no, tell him what just happened. And I lied. And that you punched me in the fucking thing.

You figured it out. And you said, no, fuck it. I didn't. What the fuck are you talking about? And I watched you lie. I didn't punch you, by the way. I'm sorry that I didn't hit you across the face in a proper slap. But I was kidding you.

This woman should be in court. I was hitting you. I wasn't punching you. Don't tell me what it feels like to be punched. You know, even a lot of guys have been around a long time. I know. No, when you fucking have a close fist. Oh, she goes with the big tough man.

Oh, you're a big tough guy. Now you're gay. She's a mascot. Oh, big tough man. I did not punch you. I did not fucking deck you. I fucking was hitting you. I don't know.

She's just hitting you. Oh my god. She's so stupid. She's recording herself. This is like fucking Robert Durst forgetting the fucking mic is on. Fine. I did not hurt you. I did not punch you. I was hitting you. How are your toes? What am I supposed to do? Do this? How are your toes?

I'm not sitting here bitching about it, am I? You are. That's the difference between me and you. Oh, because he stepped on her feet or something? Because you start physical fights? Am I supposed to do this? How are you? I'm not sitting here bitching about it. Am I? You are. That's the difference. Oh, because he stepped on her feet or something? Because you start physical fights? You are such a baby. Call the fuck off, Johnny. Because you start physical fights? I did start a physical fight.

Yeah, you did. So I had to get the fuck out of there. How is she still walking around? He can't be in that situation. He's Johnny fucking Depp. You are admirable. I know. You don't deserve this, Johnny.

Every single time. What a guy. What's your excuse when there's not a physical fight? Then what's the excuse there? What? You're still being admirable, right? It wasn't a physical fight. It was you attacking him. Running away?

He can't trust you because you always fight him. Yeah, you're always being violent. That's why he keeps running away because you're a violent maniac. Yeah. And you can sit here and call me names, but you get called a name, and what do you do? She's mad because she's probing him verbally and to the point of getting physical to defend himself. And he never defends himself. He just goes like, yeah, whatever.

Brushes her off and writes her off. So she hates it. And that's what this is all about because he's just like, not caring is like the most powerful thing you can do. But then she's also like, oh, so you don't care. So you're not in this relationship. So you don't love me anymore. It's like, I can't care. You're a child.

You're lucky I don't pop the wife. Yeah, take a Xanny. Yeah, it probably has. She's upset she hasn't been able to have a fight. She talks about a fight like it's date night. Any real talking, kind of speaking context, and so long, because anytime anything goes wrong, you split. Like, it's your first thing.

Yeah, I wonder why, Amber. It's unnecessary. It's not always you're splitting because there's blows or because there's yelling or anything. He's just running out the clock waiting for the Xanny to kick in. Most times when I'm still speaking in this volume and nothing has been thrown or hit or anything, I know I can change. She's like, oh, now you stay when I talk softly and don't throw pots and pans at you. But I know I can't blame myself

entirely for going straight to the fucking finish line, the first sign of stress yesterday. What? Because of how it's been. You can't blame me. Yesterday I was stressed out and I stabbed you in the toe. I don't know what else I could fucking do. Since Australia, we've been on our honeymoon and we had a great time You can't blame me. Yesterday I was stressed out and I stabbed you in the toe.

You're physically abusing him. He's trying to explain this to you. I'm in San Francisco. Yes. But I thought everything else was great. and he's trying to explain this to you. Yes. Luckily, you're weak and have no fighting skills at all. So he just sort of takes it and it's annoying to him. This is crazy.

It's like being on a fly on the wall. Remember, we allowed ourselves to say, hey, you did this or you took. Remember, we would even have a little argument. And it was okay. It was an argument. And we would be a fly on the wall there because Amber Heard was shitting the bed. Thoughts change. You can't figure it out.

Amber. And I don't mean to criticize you. Amber, you're a shit at me. You can't figure it out. Amber. And I don't mean to criticize you. Amber, you're a shit at me. You're attracting flies, Amber. Anything you do, it's like, it's so chronic with you that it changes. He's like, Amber, have a pampers. It's like sometimes you get these clear months and you're this different person and it's wonderful. You're this, you're this.

And then sometimes I'm like struggling to stay connected with you struggling to have five minutes with you you know just because I don't want to do jank of you do you not remember how different you were so different you were so dude this is such fucking you were this is crazy such manipulation my fuck oh my god my ex used to do shit like tell me like no yeah you're just crazy you're just like johnny depp no i'm just like johnny depp no no but it's just like you get you're in a relationship with a fucking narcissist and it's like at the beginning it's like you know you used to be so fucking cool it's like i haven't fucking changed man it's insane you're like i've changed you know my attitude towards you a little bit but yeah because you're crazy i'm freaking out around you

because i keep we were allowed to fight we're not even fight we had arguments i mean you've given me this time you're on the couch and it's she's like changing the definition of things yeah she keeps changing what the fight arguments you're about to fucking split i don't want to feel like that you made me feel meaningless you threw me out of the bedroom she always goes like you made me feel like like i i didn't exist and he's like you threw me off a moving train it's like this entire conversation has been she says something that's like okay my feelings were hurt and then he goes you literally you shot me in the shoulder you rolled over you drove a steamroller over me this is anime amber you dropped an anvil on my head amber remember we were at the

grand canyon you said i I disregarded your feelings and you pushed me off the Grand Canyon. Amber, you keep painting tunnels that I keep running into. I fake the real tunnels and I get hurt. Amber, I forgot to bring you a drink from the

gas station one time and you strapped TNT to my body and blew me up. Amber, I'll be hunting and you'll turn my shotgun barrels that's facing my head and then I shoot myself in the face. Amber, you've configured my

whole house. All the halls are filled with rakes. Sometimes I see you chewing that carrot. It really, really makes me nervous. I can't even walk to the bodega anymore without you dropping a piano on my head. Amber, please. Amber, I don't think the two are the same.

I know that you're about to split. I mean, that's what I'm saying. You always split. You always split. So that's, why wouldn't, I mean, I do blame myself for my ass. You've never hung up on me anymore. You've changed. I was laying in bed watching television.

You went, what's up, doc? And then you shit all over the bed. I'm just trying to watch my jimmy fallon translation i know enough because you make me do it shut up said this to you in calm and in fights baby i don't feel like i'm allowed to just have a complaint and you aren't allowing me the luxury of us just being normal human couples like as soon as you get mad you take off on a train it's something because it's not that's so sick you strapped me to the railroad tracks i have to get on something to get out of the way it's kind of

crazy because this is like you know most men are just stuck with us but johnny dubs like got like tons of money so he's just like i'm going to go on the Trans-Siberian Express if she yells at me again. I'm going to solve a mystery. He's just like, that's it. He jumps out a window onto horseback and just rides away. She's like, where are you guys? You keep taking the biplane. That's so sick.

It's the same. And it hasn't been back. It's the same changes that are happening in you. It's exactly the same. He's like, he's asking a scientist. He's like, he's like, he's like, can you, is there a way to make me forever be Rango? I'd rather be a gecko. Well.

Anything which that is the case. That is the case. I have always allowed you to fuck up and be a human. I've always been able to. What is this like? You're treating him like a fucking animal. John, you're literally like, why Iota? You're not. You're treating him like a... Pop the wife. I oughta. You're not. You're treating them like a... I oughta.

Pop the wife. Assuage the anxiety and stress that that gives me and makes things worse with me by saying hey, we will... Remember Kipper was like, you have to say I will be back in this amount of time more or less.

And then actually honor it. you have to come back so I said oh my god if he could do that that would be great and you never do it you know you don't ever honor that you leave me with way more anxiety stress anger and resentment but in Australia for a few months you were so you sound like a she sounds like a kid talking to her therapist about her parents. I have been in her and resenting it and I'm trying to work through it.

I have not attacked you any different. I haven't changed. I have not attacked you any different. I've been violent from day one. I've been violent from day one, Johnny. And you have avoided that and it's really angered me. And I'm trying to record you and get you to look bad. And you won't like me when I'm angry and you won't like me when i'm angry you won't like me when i'm angry because i will close that fist and i will get going i'm amber fucking heard you ever heard of me you've heard

of me i was in pineapple express for 11 minutes and my scene's only good because of edward james or no not a fuck uh because of... Fuck, I forget the answer. Edward James Holm. Edward James Holm. It's in Pineapple. Who is Edward... Oh, Ed Begley Jr. Ed Begley Jr. I will fuck you in the street.

I never attack you. Just because I have a complaint with something you did is not an attack. It becomes verbally insulting. It's Edward James Holm. He's like, like comes to the street right right at the get-go yeah that's the problem if you see any criticism as a verbal assault of course we have this problem we're gonna have it next time you do god forbid i have a problem with something you do we're gonna be in this situation are you ready for it say nice man what is it nice

am i not allowed to be hurt and be human that's the thing you're not allowing me to be human then you take my humanity you're talking about telling me i'm not allowed to feel you're talking and i'm not allowed to react because it to protect you last night happened because i was at isaac's for too long next door every man no matter how big you are, is going through the same thing. Even Johnny Depp has to. He's getting shit for hanging too long.

I was hanging with the boys. I didn't want to come home. For just too long for you. I did not cause this. I mean, you lie to yourself. Go ahead. You're just lying. Then why were you upset last night? This did not happen because of Isaacacs this happened because she hasn't even even though she's lying she hasn't even said

anything coherent no nothing everything's empty not a single thing means anything or has holds any weight or has any value yeah he's coming with at least facts okay she he just said no you were then what was it last night and she immediately goes into some side thing that's not what what were you angry about isaacs we actually haven't really even talked about that we spent two seconds on it because it's you know it's not about that you know it's bigger than that the point is i voiced a complaint it could be anything you could say baby you did something to hurt me which you did and you admitted why didn't you say that? You admitted that you would

feel that way too and you said sorry for it. That would have been great. I could not feel safe saying that to you because I knew your reaction.

She's like a dumb person. She has a hard time putting words together. She's like, because I went over and safety because you human not make me feel that way. Johnny makes a point and she's like,

A-E-I-O-U. It's not even that she's stupid. She's completely irrational. Yeah. She's completely irrational. She hasn't... Everything she's giving him is a problem that's too big that he could possibly even solve.

It's like something that can't be solved in a conversation argument. It's like these vague things he does that are... It's probably making him feel like he's completely trapped. Right. Because all these problems are just too large. And then anytime he'll say something like well then sounds like you don't like me so leave. She's like no I'm fighting for us. Yeah. You don't care. Yeah.

To you about it because I was really hurt that you fucking left me stranded and you didn't think about me. You didn't text me. All the things that you apologized for. All because he's hanging with Isaac and Travis't text me, all the things that you apologized for. All because he's hanging with Isaac and Travis. Do me one small favor and not take it back. I'm not taking it back. You're like, I take it back.

You already apologized for it. It meant a lot to me. Do me one favor today. Don't take that back. Why do apologies mean anything to anybody? Anyone can just say i'm sorry yeah and then you go like thank you yeah and it's weird like i've never uh apologies like okay you're just placating her at this point yeah i'm sorry not allowing me to have any problems with you or be upset at you or mad at you or even hurt for you at all you did not allow it if you if you could have just said in a kinder way a nicer way like listen you know without throwing knives at me you wouldn't freak out no i would say what is it like what and okay too long at isaac's you said you

wouldn't be that long or whatever you shouldn't i feel stranded i felt left whatever that long or whatever you shouldn't i feel stranded i felt fucking left but i'm not what am i gonna fight with that why why would i get mad at that my god the first thing you do i don't have to do i don't have to text you and i mean you just be it would be shitty it would be terrible it was a fight yeah it was it was a fight he's over at at Isaac's, and she's just at home, just thinking about ways to get angry. She's setting up bear traps. She's cutting a hole in the floor and then putting leaves over it. It's like I walked in the door and you had a big mallet hitting me behind your back, and I just didn't know what to do.

It seemingly came from nowhere. And she's really angry because Johnny walks in drunk and just sort of like clumsily slips past all her tracks. There were thumbtacks littering the hallway and I just must have missed them somehow. It's coming from back in Australia. No, it's like Australia. We were allowed to fight.

I can't, you can't sit here and tell me I can't do things, I can't work. He's drinking from a bottle that says XXX on it. You really need a motherfucking fairy tale. Look, of course, nobody is able to and shouldn't hold shit in it seems really reasonable you can go because he's talking to her like a child yeah he just doesn't want her to call him gay or you know insulted he doesn't matter he doesn't care about

that any guy cares about that your fucking chick comes comes up to you and says, Go suck his dick. It's like, God, fuck off. I gotta be honest. I don't care about that. I can't care about things that I know I'm not doing. I don't care about that at all. It pisses them off more. I suck his dick.

I love it. I gargle the cum and I spit it back up and then I drink it. I love it. It's not even the gay shit. It's the fucking just the lack of respect. It's more, it's not even the gay shit. It's the fucking, just the lack of respect. Right. It's like I would never fucking do say something like that to you. You know? Yeah.

That's annoying. You just gotta, that's why you have confidence in knowing that you're better than them. Yeah. If someone's talking to you that way, it is easy to think you're better than them. I'm not saying,'s talking to you that way it is easy to think you're better than them I'm not saying you know everybody

if someone's talking to you like this it's pretty easy I mean he sounds like he's telling a kid how to like tie their shoes when he responds he's like you loop it, you swoop it, you pull this is how Bill becomes the law she's like I can't loop it, I can't swoop it I just have to shoot you

and you give me nothing I can't loop it. I can't swoop it. I just have to shoot you. And you give me nothing. I shoot you with multiple rounds in the gut and you give me nothing. This is the weirdest argument I've ever heard. Nothing. I'm always fucking up.

You're always on me and I'm always fucking up. Getting mad at know, like, you're always on me. And I'm always fucking up. And, you know, like, getting mad at me for having... Don't do bunny ears. I don't do it the way you want me to. She goes, you want me to sit crisscross applesauce? And I can't do that. So I hit you with a fucking hammer.

I'm not allowed to be angry? He's like, listen, we went over the macaroni necklaces. It's very simple to make a turkey out of your hand. You trace your hand. I can't trace my hand. I'm going to shoot you. It's okay. You asked how to do it.

It's okay. I will make have... You asked how to do it. It's okay. I will make the macaroni necklace for you, and I will put it around your neck. See, that's what you do. See, that's what you do. You act like I can't do anything, and that's why I poisoned your dinner. How do I not look good in this? And by the way, I'm recording this.

You're going down, pal. What an idiot. What an absolute idiot. I was honest with you. I told you I was up. If you were me, wouldn't you feel bad? Yeah. Okay, well, this... The fuck? The fuck? We had these few months where we actually could even feel things and fight.

She's such a fucking idiot. Yeah, moronic. where we actually could even feel things and fight. She's such a fucking idiot. It's moronic. You lose the bigger picture every time. And if you want to stay married to me, you need to figure out if you ever... You're a real genius, Amber. If you're going to lose sight of the bigger picture and only be my husband when it's easy,

you're only going to be there for the ups, never the downs. You're only going to be there for health. There's more downs with you, I feel like. Every time it gets hard, you lose the big picture, and you can't think about anything else but breaking up, divorce, fighting, splitting, running away. If you can't be the one to come around sometimes and see the bigger picture and know that it's not worth fighting for days. What the fuck does she mean, dude? You can't do that to me. If you can't see the bigger picture that me

digging a grave and asking you to come out back with me one night and then hitting you in the head with a shovel into that grave, if you can't see the bigger picture behind that then I don't know what to tell you, Johnny. I don't know what to tell you. I'm recording this. Do I need to smash that picture over your head?

Johnny, what more do you need me to do? How many more wounds do you need me to give you? Johnny, I'm running out of glycerin to put in your oatmeal every morning, and it's driving me mad that you can't see the bigger picture of this. Johnny, listen. I've been putting ricin in your cigarettes. What don't you get, Johnny? I'm recording this, Johnny.

You fool. I don't want to walk away. Your laugh kind of sounds like Jimmy Carr sometimes. Maybe he does that. I don't know what Jimmy Carr sounds like. He does that like, ha-ha. This is great. This is like the Mel Gibson tapes are really high energy and quick.

It's like a nice slow burn. It's like there will be blood. It's good. Because Johnny's like a South of France guy. He has slow burn abuse. Slow burn abuse. He has roll your own cigarettes abuse. Me?

It's always me. On the plane here from... You tried opening the exit door and throwing me out. You're losing your marbles. I came to you and said, calm down, please calm down. And you were blaming me. Think about it.

Because your flight was going to get in late and you wouldn't be able to have time before your time. Think about it. Judging from their trip to Rio and Napa, you... Tell me how to tell you different if I'm hurting you. You need to Rio tell me how to tell you if I'm hurting you you need to let me be able to how do I know if I'm hurting you it's like well I'm bleeding

I keep saying ow please stop ow when the pot connects with my forehead I know I'm being hurt well Amber I'm not trying to call you stupid, but boiling water hurts everybody. Yes, Amber.

It's scalding hot. I regret to inform you when you throw acid in my face. It rather hurts. She's like, you're just not a man. He's like, I try to just take it on the hip. Amber, when you throw battery acid in the face of me and my children, I regret to inform you, it hurts rather bad. Sure, Johnny.

Okay, yeah. This is a picture of my firstborn child. You have deformed their face. You need to see the bigger picture, Johnny. And you've deformed my life, Johnny! You're not treating me like a human all right your kid will grow up i'm an adult and you're not treating me like a human i get angry

i don't have to start yelling i think i have to throw pots and bands i've gotten a lot better about that it's just only i only start yelling and it's hour 11 and we're really in it yeah yeah, you haven't gotten better about that. Otherwise we wouldn't have had three physical fights in the last month and a half, two months. I'm sorry about that. Let's both pay attention to how we talk to each other. To respect each other. You know, we're not going gonna do that all the time.

Sometimes we're gonna be shitty or whatever. Of course not. But we make a promise to each other about the rings and the divorce. No rings, no divorce. We promise each other. I know. Please, I want it so bad to feel like the marriage I worked so hard to make happen is meaningful. To make happen?

Wait, wait, wait. The marriage I worked so hard to make happen? Okay, carry on. Don't talk about the making of the wedding. What did that mean? Don't talk about the four years we spent together, please. Yes, but I wouldn't make it. Oh, God, he's been in this for four fucking years, dude. What does that mean? God, he's been in this for four fucking years, dude. He fought for a wedding?

What do you mean? She fought him. What does that mean? She beat his ass. He's like, I something I want you to stop taking those Krav Maga classes he probably paid

for the whole thing he's like I fought for that and he's like right true 17 more fights and it's fucking over with

we got married I knew the fucking fights weren't gonna stop but I thought maybe it would it would curb them a little. Mistake number one, Johnny. I wanted security back. I wanted security?

I freak out. I call security every weekend with you. You are a child. Normal decisions, calm decisions, or ones from the heart. I freak out. again okay I'm not I promise but but there's so there's some something so anxiety provoking and scary and malicious and really just turns everything over and you split all the time. Well, well, well. It's just you and I, Joe.

Listen to Amber Heard and Johnny Depp. What just happened? I have no idea what's going on today. The hell? Did my computer just, like, give out now? What the fuck is going on my god

wowie zowie unbelievable anyways women are insane they're completely insane they're nuts and uh you get tired of this shit i might have to take my computer and i think my Apple cares up in like fucking a couple of weeks. Uh, they do free. It's like a thing. I mean, I could just tell them,

why did it do that? Maybe it was just on for too much shit going on. Maybe too much stress from Amber heard. Maybe she should Amber listen. Everyone. You know what I mean? She's heard enough. Maybe she doesn't need to be heard so much.

Jesus Christ, what an unbearable woman. God. I thought she was exciting, and I thought the marriage would curb her, you know, throwing bottles at me and ashtrays. What the fuck? Is he going to be in anything soon? I don't know.

He just does like Dior commercials, doesn't he? Good for him. I know he's bankrupt. There's a great Rolling Stone article about him where the guy like lived with him for a few days. Right. Did you read that? No.

He spent like, oh oh pull that up it's like a rolling stone article living with johnny depp and like bankruptcy in italy for like three days and he's just like he like the the beginning of the article is like him walking into the he seems kind of crazy he's like wasted and he's sure i'm sure he's really eccentric but oh yeah let's just finish this we were almost we're doing doing a two-hour episode because I feel bad about the fucking video and everything failing today. You guys are getting a treat. Richie, get in here. The computer

shut down, Richie. The computer turned off right after you left, too, for no fucking reason. CIA's coming for us. It's the Russians. Anxiety provoking and scary and... So you're having to remove the cords?

Yeah, it's because we moved the fucking cords. I don't know why everything just fucked up. And you split all the time. Please. If you really don't want to fight and you're not just trying to hurt me, which sometimes it is that, if you really, really...

If you really love me and you don't, and you do care about this, please find a good way to do it long-distance. Respectful. You can tell me. We'll wrap it up soon. Just, you know, enjoying these two. I love hearing Johnny's Zippo flash

when he's lighting a cigarillo. It comes into me. It builds up in me and becomes cancer in me. hearing Johnny's Zippo flash when he's lighting a cigarillo. She's saying nothing. okay but i need that's i don't want to resent you i don't want to resent you i don't want to i don't want to not trust you you know how many times you've only talked about chased you out of the elevator in the hall she's just like American psycho naked with a chainsaw

covered in blood with fucking wraps around her feet you know how many times I've made you bite that curb Johnny do you remember last week when I came home

and I fought you you know what I was doing earlier I was killing a homeless man in an alleyway I stopped doing that have you ever heard yes I love you in the news I love their newer stuff all right major if things get physical we have to separate yeah after we heard from what is whether it's for a fucking hour or he that sounds completely rational and also he's being really forgiving right now there can be no physical violence I can't promise you Oh my god. God, this woman is insane. I get so mad. I lose it. You can't promise you won't get physical.

Yeah, we heard it. The level of entitlement. Richie, I love you. To just say that. That's okay. I can't promise you that. And then she'd be like, I'm being honest. I am being human.

You're not letting me have my moment. Call me out on it and help me. I will. I will try. I am being human. You're not letting me have my moment It's not gonna work there's nothing this man could do to fix this woman He's not in a position to wow there's a lot to digest there right all right It's worse and worse so you have to realize that I'm the problem, Johnny. Yeah. She do understand all that. But I... I also want you to understand that... He's terrified. Yeah, he's afraid. You know, there were great moments of high hopes that...

He's legitimately afraid. He's so afraid to say what he's thinking. He feels like he's getting somewhere with her right now. being unsure of us of the marriage of this whether you can trust me to be this or whether you can you know whether i can do the same it's i feel very much the same he's just like i hope that worked whatever what i said but what did i really want to say fingers crossed that i'm there and then i need it forever and then i because i show up i come it's like almost like if you start speaking gibberish and making no sense then it works she's like they're like they if you speak gibberish then they'll go, I appreciate that.

Wait, go back for one second. She just said something crazy. Because I show up. I'm knocking. I'm the one who asks to calm down. I'm the one that comes to get you on the plane. I'm the one that comes and knocks the bathroom door. I'm the one that comes and harasses you.

I'm the one that comes to you and says, I'm the one who comes and harasses you. I'm the one that comes to you and says... She's like Walter. She's like, I'm the one who knocks. I knew out of luxury that you just are taking for granted in such a big way. And you don't know how much that means. I go, I go, because I think, fuck. I'm the one who says I'll give you a 30-second head start before giving two hot shots at you on the front lawn. Stop me from doing that again.

I can do that again. Well, like I said. Like you said. You walk out the door. You walk out the door. That is the same as rings off. It's the same thing as mentioning doors. That is the same as rings off.

It's the same thing as mentioning divorce. There's no talking unless we just want to try to be civil with one another. As fucking people who are married. So you're saying you don't want a partner who's physically abused you. Is that what you're telling me? Yeah, if I walk out again, I'm walking out. And I'll know that, and you'll know that. I'm going to Travis. I'm going to Isaac.

What do you think? I promise, Walt. Steve Kragman talking about this. He's holding a glass of wine. He's like, Johnny went from the Pirates of the Caribbean to the Pirates of the Caribbean. You hear when Amber accused him of being a butt pirate with his pal Travis. Well, that's pretty much it.

And I think there's more and there's I think there's other ones. If you guys like this episode, we'll do this for weeks on end. I love it. Like the Gibson tapes. Yeah, I love it. Because this, I did not, I didn't know she was this stupid.

I didn't know that she recorded this to try and like thinking that everyone will side with her and then she's just admitting to being violent. Yeah. And not understanding what, like how it sounds. Yeah. It's crazy. It's wild. It's absolutely wild.

Anyway, join the Patreon folks patreon.com slash hate watch podcast uh I'm gonna be out of town uh for a week

I'm going to New York on Tuesday uh doing a little small thing that you might see on TV unless people

start listening to this podcast and then they remove me from it um but yeah so we might be like a day or two late next week but uh join the patreon there's a ton of great shit on there patreon.com slash hate watch podcast every month we get we

gain money and subscribers and then you know there's always like nine people that have to back out because like you know whatever gas is expensive or whatever so we understand we're trying to get i mean if you guys really want to see joey fight it's like you know, whatever. Gas is expensive or whatever. We understand, but we don't. If you guys really want to see Joey fight, it feels like we've been stuck at around 700 for months. Joey and I are actively looking for boxing trainers. Yeah, so I don't know what. I got a guy in Long Beach. You know, there's all this hype around it,

and then you keep failing us. Would you get Joey in a ring? Get us to 1,000. Yeah, he's going to start training soon because he's got to be ready. Yes, so we need to see it in the 800s, the 850s, so we can actually start fucking going to the gym.

And we're going to film it and post stuff. Yo, I'm going to keep it 100. We need to know it's real. Yeah. I'm going to keep it 100. I'm going to keep it 100. And other than that, I really apologize for the lack of video.

It's been fucking up the Patreon we did earlier and this. It just went out in like 30 minutes in. I'm really sorry about that. I don't fucking know. I'm not a tech genius. We'll get our guy over here. We'll figure it out. Thanks, guys. Bye.