Hate Watch with Devan Costa - Pompeii Trump

Episode Date: May 8, 2023

The return of Jace, John is cutting weight for a fight, Trump is not satisfied with his accusers looks, @whatever podcast, Howard Stern's downfall Get weekly bonus episodes: https://www.patreon.com/HateWatchPodcast

It's good to be in something from the ground floor. I came too late for that. I know. But lately I'm getting the feeling that I came in at the end. The best is over. Many Americans, I think, feel that way. Yay!

Yay! Yay! Chase is back! Hey! Chase! Woo! Thanks for having me, guys. Of course! I've been dodging this for months now

i feel like uh my parents got divorced or something and my my older brother went with the dad but i went with the mom yeah and now we're back for like christmas or something i went out between podcasts for a pack of cigarettes. I'm finally back six months later. I miss Sweet Chase. There's like a great relief too where it's like I used to remember I'd come to these podcasts and if Chase were going to be here, he'd be like, oh perfect.

I don't really have to try. This will be really funny. You would bring like four more beers. I can show up blacked out. When Chase was gone, Devin would give me a look like, dude, you better actually try. You gotta pull your weight. When we started Lemon Party, there was a period

where I was like, I don't know how this is gonna go. I don't know how we're gonna do Hate Watch. I had to start trying. And that's all that needed to happen. And then John allowed himself to become the butt of all jokes. Yeah, it's great. I'm just going to shut the fuck up this entire podcast. Oh, by the way, let's do a quick...

Let's introduce what's going on with John. Let's do this first and get this thing out of the way. So Jason Sheehan, don't say the name. This is very funny. A listener sent this care package and it's full of like... You just said the name? You can't say the name of the company. Oh, okay.

So it's a listener, Jason Sheehan. It's Raytheon. But thank you for the... Jason Raytheon. Jason Raytheon. He sent us a bunch of guns from Somalia. Thank you for the drones, Jason. So it's a farm, an unnamed farm.

Joey, what? Did you go into this and eat an orange? This is insane. I accidentally got very drunk. And I was on the Lemon Party live stream. So I was drinking to kind of make things interesting. And accidentally, after I was a little too drunk, I dipped in. You turned into a rat.

I dipped in. I turned into a little rat. You were a real Templeton. Who eats an orange like this, dude? Who does that? That's insane. Did you show that to rat. You were real like Templeton. Who eats an orange like this, dude? Who does that? That's insane. Did you show that to the camera? Look at what he did. He did a little call me by your name. Hold that up closer.

Let me get the peanuts off of it. Joey, that's a demented... This is insane. How many peanuts do you think Joey ate while he was blackout? I took a big dump earlier and there was like a lot of those in it. You have to pull them out like a dog. But so I posted an Instagram story thinking, Oh, this guy must own the farm and he wants us to promote the business.

And so I tagged the business name and then the guy that sent them instantly messaged me and goes like, Oh dude, could you take that down? Like, I don't want my work to find out that I listened to your podcast. Jesus. So it's just like every single listener is very ashamed. But what is, are we allowed to say what he works at?

No, no. Okay. No. I don't say it. Can't mention that. But it's a farm and they make beer. Because his boss listens to the show. But so anyways, let me take this down.

I just wanted to do. And by the way, if you want to send more... Thank you, Jason. And there's a lot of... There's like oranges and like popcorn. Avocados. Avocados. That's amazing.

But yeah, send us stuff and we won't mention where you work. Contact me if you want to send booze. I don't want anything that will actually like money. If you want to send booze or like weird gift packages... Who would send money? We have a Patreon. They're just sending Joey 40s every month? They put a lot of cash in a carrier pigeon's mouth.

Not that anybody wanted to send money, but my point is I'm not doing this because I'm poor. I just like getting weird stuff. Send Joey fruit. He needs vitamins when he drinks. Joey's been diagnosed with land scurvy. Joey's the first non-pirate to get scurvy. I do, you guys have your own homeless version of Hello Fresh on the podcast?

Yeah, Joey has gout, for sure. How's that big toe? I don't have any gout. No gout? No, I don't has gout, for sure. How's that big toe? I don't have any gout. No gout? No, I don't have gout. My only thing that I have weird about my health is, like, sometimes my heart. Yeah, that's bad, though. That's a big one.

It's a big thing to say casually. You always do that. You always go, like, nothing's wrong with me. Sometimes my heart raps. There's nothing wrong with me. Sometimes my heart turns into Twista. Yeah, my heart raps. There's nothing wrong with me. Sometimes my heart turns into Twista. My heart beatboxes.

My heart was in a cypher last night. Your heart's walking around the house with a backpack on, smoking a blunt. My heart does that old boom bap style. Listen. My heart's in pro era. I'm a pillar of goddamn health. My heart has the mind of its own.

Sometimes. How's everything with the heart? It's all good, right? It beats a little weird sometimes. Sometimes a little weird still. I think it's probably because you have so much courage. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Exactly. Every hero has a heart like this. Yeah. The heart's trying to escape your own rib cage. So anyways. The Grinch at the end when it's exploding. That's the boss. Speaking of heart having a lot of heart,

John. We need John to have some heart tomorrow, folks. The Hate Watch fans out there need to pray for John tomorrow. He's my first jujitsu tournament and it's the most nerve-wracking thing I've ever done in my life. And you've had to been cutting weight like you're fighting Israel Adesanya

tomorrow. I've cut over 15 pounds this month. Jesus. Yeah, dude. I'll come. I'll come. You got that. You had that cocked and loaded.

No, I did not. No, Jesus Christ. Don't act like that's a good joke. That was pretty good. I think it's like the Sistine Chapel. Mark Twain over here. Thanks, guys. I'm a regular David Sedaris.

I was like, I leave the podcast. They start just sucking Devin off every episode. Hey, I didn't know J.P. Rourke was the host of a content podcast. Oh, my God. And Will Rogers, ladies and gentlemen. So, I am...

That's so funny, though. Real quick, to interrupt you, that's John's level of, like, what is great humor. I made the easiest cum joke of all time, and John Real quick, to interrupt you, that's John's level of what is great humor. I made the easiest cum joke of all time, and John's like, what are you, Carlin? That's the height of humor for me. I just don't like anything past that. That would be your Alquin round table. It would just be the skanks.

Just raping Dorothy Parker. The munchkin. Jesus Christ. uh the uh raping dorothy parker um oh that's a bit too much for john oh that's crazy sorry guys no i i uh i'm like two pounds underweight but i'm like super nervous what does that mean if you show up a pound underweight they don't let you fight no no so so i might i have to weigh in wearing my like the shit i'm gonna wear when i'm like rolling so i have to weigh in wearing clothing so that's a pound joey doesn't believe me but it's a pound yeah but it's your key my not my key it's the it's the no i'm wearing a rash guard shorts and spats probably like six ounces i don't understand how that works john pays

i paid to be in this tournament. I paid $140. How are they going to turn him down if he's a pound overweight? That's just how it goes. Well, that's ridiculous. I'm going to try to expedite this segment because it's kind of like embarrassing for real combat sports athletes like me and Jace. Yeah. That's right. Tell them, John.

me and jace yeah that's right tell him joe on the way here john and i called the bone crusher friend of the show who was a national champion state champion wrestler and he's like let me ask you about weight cutting and i wasn't going to say anything because i'm like let me let the bone crusher kind of make a fool out of john and so he goes bone crusher Crusher, I'm two under. I'm in hell. I'm starving myself. I'm thirsty. And Bunk Crusher's like, dude, we,

we would go to sleep 10 pounds overweight. Like, what are you talking about? Yeah, that shit's wild to me. What, I don't understand.

Yeah, because you just sweat it all out. Exactly. And I know that because I'm also a lead fighter. Exactly. So we're lead fighters. Yeah.

What you do is you, you destroy your your kidney over the course of four hours. But so it's not really that extreme to cut 10 pounds of water weight in the morning. You can lose 10 pounds of water weight? Oh, more than that. You can lose like 30 pounds. What? You can lose like 30 pounds. People have gone down like 20, 30 pounds for a fight in a day.

From what? Just sweating and peeing? People die. They put garbage bags on. They get in saunas. was like 30 people have gone down like like yeah 20 30 pounds like for a fight in a day what just sweating and people die they put they put garbage bags on they get in saunas they just get on a bike they'll get on a bike in a sauna and they'll just sweat sweat like the body is like what percent water there's literally guys who've been like dragged and like held up to get on the scale right their bodies like technically like dying yeah you know yeah but, John, get naked. Weigh in. What if the pianist was just about a guy cutting weight for a big fight? Yeah, that's Rogan visiting the Holocaust Museum. For a big fight against

the country. Yeah, Rogan's visiting. Rogan at the Holocaust Museum is like, man, what are they, like featherweight men? He's like, I'm frankly like featherweight men. Alright, hold on. All right, so let's weigh yourself, John. Let's just do it. Do you want me to do it in the clothes?

It's quicker. Take it naked. Take it naked. Take your clothes off. You can't show your cock. Remember that. I'm not going to do it to you. Tuck your cock in your jeans.

Tuck my cock in my jeans? Before you take it off and then take your jeans off and then you have a tucked cock. Can you show the top of his pubic hair? Would that be fine? Yeah, we can show pubes. Yeah. I'm not sure about that. Just cover. Do like the red chili peppers cover and just kind of cover. Do the buffalo bill. Take your boots

off, your big boots. They're going to smell bad, dude. Still have Jordan Neely's blood on them, these boots. Jordan Neely? He's still got a tooth in that. The man that was killed on the subway in New York. You're not a... John breaks his boots in by curb stomping. that. The man that was killed on the subway in New York. You're not a... Oh, the guy got choked out? Sean breaks his boots in by curb stomping.

Yeah. The guy, the... Yeah. You haven't seen that? The guy, the Michael Jackson impersonator? Dude, there's a Michael Jackson impersonator at Union Station. Well, there's one everywhere. And this guy was, you know, you can only impersonate a pedophile for so long until people take action.

What did they do to that guy? They killed him. Oh. A guy put him, an ex-Marine put him in a headlock and I guess choked him out and he died. Just because he was like

doing the dances and the noises? No, he was apparently threatening people or whatever. He was fucking a kid. I know. Yeah, he was making two children break dance. I really wish the fans,

I'm just looking at Chuck in a dress. Just keep the, you can keep the underwear on. No, no, take them off. Yeah, I'm keeping the underwear on. You gotta keep the underwear on. Now stand in front of the camera. Hold on, wait, Chuck. Just keep the underwear on. No, no, take them off. Gotta keep the underwear on. Now stand in front of the camera. Hold on, hold on. Move the scale. Move the scale over.

Stand in front. Now dance for us. Dance! You stuttering muttering prick you. Now we're all going to throw batteries at John. It's reading correctly. Yeah, you're definitely not 93 pounds. Wow, you cut a lot of weight. Wow, John. It looks like you're Asian. I'm 95 pounds on

carpet. Why don't you go on the tile real quick and weigh in off camera. No way. We already saw your shitty body. I'm sorry. The visual bait is done. He looks great.

He actually looks great. John's lost so much weight. He's lost so much weight. I just saw you. 225. 225. Amazing. 225.

What weight do you need to hit? 222. 222. John, you better fucking lift some weight. You better work out while the pod's happening. John, start doing some jumping jacks right now. Why are you nervous? John, get in front of the camera.

No, no, keep it all off. Just record with it off. Shadow box. Shadow box. Get in front of the camera. Now. You're being like a cuck. You're being like a real Nancy right now.

The music's playing. Just because I'm here, you should stand it up for yourself all of a sudden. The music's playing. Just because I'm here, you're standing up for yourself all of a sudden. Yeah, you're right. Just because Jayce is here? God damn you. Do something. Lose weight. Lose weight.

I don't know. We've got to rest and rest. I guess you're not a bone crusher. Thought you were a bone crusher. Thought you could crush bones. Thought he was a bone crusher. I thought that. Sad.

Sad. Pathetic. So you have to lose five pounds by tomorrow? Well, I was five pounds under this weight this morning. What is the weight you have to hit? 220. I have to be under. I have to be 220.

I have to be 220. Well, yeah, just don't drink for like the next day. No, 222. No, I have to be under. I have to be 220. I have to be 220. Well, yeah, just don't drink for the next day. No, 222. No, I have to be under 222. 221.9. I have to be 221.9. You could lose three and a half. You could lose four pounds.

What we're going to do, we're going to get in the car. We're going to chain you up to it. We're just going to drive you around the neighborhood. Yeah, what if we drag you? What if we drag you on the street? I lose five pounds of skin. You're jogging behind a swing. He's a little skin cut.

Give him my spit bottle. You're jogging behind a swing. No, John, down. On the pavement. This is what they used to make us do in high school on the wrestling team. If you were cutting, they'd give you a little water bottle and the coaches, they'd make you spit into it

all day at school and the coaches would show up to school and check how much spit you've spit into your bottle. Because the spit you're losing weight when you spit? Yeah. Did they give you the special gum to chew that makes you spit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The sugar-free gum. Yeah, yeah. I know about the sugar-free gum.

The xylitol gum? Yeah, exactly. Which sucks. It's terrible. Yeah, it's terrible but it's so, that's actually actually a meaningful amount of weight is your spit? Well, so in a weight cut, it can very easily come down to you're off by a half pound or something. You could spit a half pound of spit. Let's talk about who John's fighting tomorrow. Who are you fighting? I don't know who I'm going against first,

but there's three other guys in my division, and one of them is a Native American. You're fighting an Injun. Yeah, I'm fighting a Native American, I think. Damn. Okay, so first things first. We got a blanket upstairs. We'll infect it.

And you just hand it to him. I'll just staple $20 bills all over my body. Yeah. Just flick alcohol into his face. Yeah. Give him a flick alcohol into his face. Yeah. Give him a little bit of booze. He'll be,

well, it's like, I'm in, I'm in the like 30 and over range. So I'm, I'm looking, I'm going to be one of the heavier guys there and the youngest guy there. You know what I mean? Hopefully that's what I'm hoping for.

So. All right. None of them else. Joe, what do you think about this? I mean, is he, is he have a chance here?

I don't know what the competition is going to be like. I tried to do some research, but apparently there are D1 wrestlers or champion-level wrestlers are allowed to compete at white belt. Of course he's competing for a white belt, this fucking scumbag. Years from now,

you're finally going to do a black belt. You're like, I'm good. Yeah, the first guy to avoid the black belt. Wonder why. What's next, yellow? No, it's the rank. It's the rank. But, yeah, no.

Wait, so it's not race? He explains it. The wrestlers can't explain it. I thought it was about what race you were. Oh, dude. Oh, dude. No, no, it's not about race. Yeah, but the D1 guys can't compete against.

Sorry, no. But like a guy that won state four years in a row in high school can compete against John. It's going to be tough. We're going to go and watch and support him, right? Well, what time? I have to do Lemon Party. I'm going. I'm going.

It's at 730. In the morning? In the evening is when I start. Oh, I can't. Yeah, we got to record Lemon Party. Otherwise, I'd be there. I can't. I don we gotta record when we party. Otherwise, I'd be there. I can't. I don't want any of you to be there. I have to do Lemon Party tomorrow.

Sorry. I wish I could come, but my baby girl needs me. You know my baby got colic. My baby needs me. I'm gonna start to use barefoot more. Best of luck to you, John. You have to fight three people tomorrow or just one?

I'm guaranteed two. Is it like a round robin type of thing? Yeah, including me, there's only four dudes. So it's basically whoever loses the first has to battle it. We'll keep people updated. Anyway, keep that spit going, by the way. By the way, we'll get off this, but John, if you don't have this

up like four ounces of spit by the end of this... Yeah, what are you going to do? I'm going to choke you out. I'm going to choke you out. I'm going to choke you out. I'm going to choke you out, buddy. But I feel like we're wasting sweet Jace by not having him watch stuff and making him do goofs. Yeah. I'm just having fun realizing how much we make fun of John on the podcast.

Yeah, no, Jace came back to us. I feel like I walked into the Stanford prison experiment one weekend. Yeah. And i'm still like ramping up to be like oh this is what we're i'm the guy they're fucking with the baton so we got to flick their their penis you missed out on the wall you missed out on a lot once you left the show got a lot less heady it got a lot more brutal yeah it became predatory became a predatory show really is like a, it's like a prison thing. Yeah. It's, we just,

you had to rank out, you know, once like an alpha leaves, you have to, you have to rank out. Yeah. Yeah. Who the next alphas are.

So we've turned John into our bitch here. Yeah. It's really just sick of what's happened here. Every episode, we just shove stuff up his ass. I'm going to come back at six months. He's going to be like, you're chaining him into the wall and.

It's like Hellraiser. Yeah. It's his prolapsed asshole looking right into the camera. Devin and I are the twins from Shawshank Redemption and John's Andy Dufresne. And I'm rat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They didn't rape John much at first, but then they

needed the content. Well, this is a funny first video. I saw this and it made me laugh. Can I ask you real quick? Can you feel the guy's dick when you're wrestling them? Yeah, I've always wanted that. Can you feel his dick, his balls, and his ass? No. Yeah, you do. You feel it.

No, not really. You know you're aware of... Well, John is feeling it because he's literally grabbing and sucking it in my mouth. No, you just watch out sucking it in my mouth. You just watch out for it, kind of. You know what I mean? I don't know how to fucking explain it. You just don't try not to knee a guy in his cock.

Can you press your cock deep into a guy? You do have to grab under their groin a lot. When you're doing that shit, you just don't feel that stuff. You smell taints, dude. That's the one thing that's annoying. You can tell when a guy's not showering. Yeah, that sucks. Didn't you get, like, some medieval disease or something?

Yeah, I lost all the skin on my hands and feet and all of my fingernails. He had ringworm in. He lost your fingernails? I lost all of my fingernails. These are all new. Look at how weird my thumbnail is. Look at how weird my thumbnail is. I lost every...

He lost your fingernails. There's something you're trying to do. I lost all the skin. Your fingernails fell out? Yeah, they fell off. These are all brand new, dude. They're like fucking... They're nice.

Yeah, yeah. These are nice. These are great fingernails. Those are fresh ones. They're brand new. He shed all his skin. These are fresh. I have no... all his skin. I have no, feel my hands,

I have no calluses. I don't want to, I don't want to get the finger. Nobody wants to touch you, No, Devin, don't. Devin,

your hand's gonna fall off. They're so nice. Your thumb is, my thumbnail's fucking weird. disgusting looking though. What happened to your thumb? Well, I'm glad my toenails are gone

because those needed a redo. Oh, the new one's better? New ones are way better. And, my new thumbs are better, to be honest. Your thumb looks like Jim Norton. But yeah, I lost all of them.

At first, I was like the lady at the hospital. I was like, you may lose some of them. And then they all just came off. I'm not kidding. You said that, and then I looked right at your spit in the bottle, and it really made me nauseous. For a second. Yeah, it's gross. And really, you spit, and I saw the lo and it really made me nauseous. That's gross.

And really you spit and I saw the like loogies slide down the wall. There's a spit, I think. That's a low amount of spit, by the way. I'm trying. It's too cloudy is the problem. Well, it's frothy right now. You need more juice. Yeah.

I need a. Do you guys want to watch a video of a lady who's too fat to keep her baby alive? I love that. Oh, yeah. I saw this lady. This fucking lady lady this fucking lady mr bean kills her child so it's a lady like you know get like putting her groceries into her car and the bait her baby's in a stroller next to the car and it starts rolling away and she tries chasing after it but she's too fat to keep her baby alive. So look at this.

Jesus Christ. Holy fuck. It's the, after this one, it's the third time that we're like this. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. I love her taking a knee. She's like Tony Sork at the end of fucking Endgame.

Well, when I saw this initially, I am low Iron man that's why we missed you this is her roundabout way of trying to kill her kid possibly you think she gained all that way to kill her kid i think i think these all that way to kill her kid i think i think these are fake stumbles i don't think anyone's this fat i don't think anyone's this big a piece of shit look at how pathetic this is unless she like tore both acls the minute she like yeah went for it i think she really fucked her knees up dude that's the thing like

she tries to get also your kid is your baby is rolling into the highway into traffic the baby would be immediately killed and all these strangers have to help. Look at her fucking back, dude. It's like subway rolls. It's insane. It has little jalapenos baked into it. Yeah.

When you go there, they ask if you want to carve out some of her body. So you can fit more meatballs inside. You can fit more meat in there. Did you guys see Trump had one of his, I think literally a top five moment of his entire life the other day. No, I didn't.

He's in a deposition because that, remember that crazy lady, the crazy rape victim? Carol something. Yeah. She was like, you know, rape is sexy. Yeah, she went on Anderson Cooper. She's like, you know, a lot of women, she's like rubbing her nipples. Yeah, yeah. She she was like you know rape is sexy yeah she went on Anderson Cooper she's like

you know a lot of women she's like rubbing her nipples yeah yeah she's like you know Anderson you know Anderson a lot of women who are feminists

get off on the power play of being dominated Anderson I was raped but it was kind of hot yeah Anderson when I look at your big gay eyes think about how

how well you could rape me so this Carol are you using this as a masturbation fantasy? Or why are you running your tits? This is him answering the question. I mean, it's just unbelievable. When you said in that video that Ms. Leeds would not be your first choice,

you were referring to her physical looks, correct? Just the overall. I look at her. I see her. I, correct? Just the overall. I look at her. I see her. I hear what she says. Whatever. You wouldn't be a choice of mine either, to be honest with you. I would not, under any circumstances, have any interest in you.

I hope you're not insulted. I'm honest when I say it. She, I would not have any interest in. That's the most honest man who's ever walked the face of the fucking earth. He just said she's too ugly to rape. The former president of the United States goes, nope,

would not rape her. Honest Abe over here. Honest Abe. Hey, you know, there's an evolution to this country, okay, Joey? Yeah, yeah. That's George Washington with the cherry tree. He's just going, look at her tits. That's George Washington with the cherry tree. You just go, look at it, tits. They're bees.

I never rape a bee. I never rape a bee. Honestly, a pretty rock-solid argument. It's good. Dude, watch the other... And then also just throw in the lawyer lady

into the mix as well. He's saying, I wouldn't rape you either. He goes, she was an ugly whore. Much like you. Much like you. Can we get her on camera for the deposition show how ugly she is so here's another one and you do say in the video that as part of trying to have sex with this woman you took her furniture shop uh we actually

did look for furniture yes so that was. You actually took this woman in. I think so. It's been a long time ago. How long was it? A long time ago. But I think so. Because it's hard to find furniture held up by steel beams when you see this pig. I was taking a pig out. After 9-11,

my furniture was the tallest in the city. Tallest furniture in the village. That's what they said. When you see some of the pigs trying to fuck me, you gotta get steel reinforced furniture. I think so. Is that the only occasion when you took a woman shopping? I think so. And you say, and again this has become very famous in this video,

I just start kissing them. It's like a magnet. Just kiss. I don't even wait. I just start kissing them. It's like a magnet. Just kiss. I don't even wait. And when you're a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything.

That's what you said, correct? Well, historically, that's true with stars. They can grab women by the pussy? Well, that's what, if you look over the last million years. Million years. Largely true. Not always, but largely true.

Cutting the science of evolutionary biology. Sure. You consider yourself to be a star? I think you could say that. I think you can say that. I love the idea

of like archaeologists like digging up bones like in the future. And they're like, yeah, this woman's pussy was touched by Donald Trump. Yeah, it looks like this corpse was a star. This corpse was a big star. It's like in Pompeii, but there's just a guy shoving his hand up a woman's. He's dying like this.

Yeah, there's a woman's... Prone? I don't know supine yeah supine on an old wicker uh basket who's the fucking who's the e entertainment guy billy uh billy bush billy bush billy bush is there like his skeleton's point his skeleton's like this he's like doing a thumbs up. This corpse was clearly a fucking president's cousin who got on E! Entertainment Network. Pointing at the fucking corpse and being like, rape's cool. He's holding a sign. It's like finding a dinosaur that's holding a sign that says like, rape is cool.

And then just a huge volcanic wall just hit him. Pyroclastic fall. Yeah. Huge, yeah, just acid rain hitting them. I did see a thing that apparently in Pompeii, the poison gases killed them first. And then that's how they... Yeah. Then they got covered in lava.

And that's how they froze like that. Yeah, it's that big cloud of bullshit that comes first. So that guy who was jerking off famously... You've seen that one, right? Yeah, it's a great picture. That guy must have been cum of his life because it's like the auto-erotic thing on top of it. He did the ultimate thing that every middle schooler

says when they're like, dude, if we all found out we were going to die, I'd just start jacking off. I wouldn't scream and cry for my mom every guy acts like yeah when they're in a plane it's going down they just start jacking off instead of screaming for their lives screaming for their mom like they're a little baby boy like a fucking soldier at d-day trying to put his guts in his belly and screaming, Mommy, Mommy. But I jerk off on a plane anyway. I raised my chair up so I could seem more dominant over you guys.

Oh, fuck yeah. Can you put that back down, please? I feel inadequate. You got to go up too? What's the craziest thing you guys ever done on a plane? I got jacked off on a plane. You got jacked off on a plane? Yeah, I think we mentioned it in passing on Lemon Party But yeah I was flying cross country with my girlfriend

At the time and she It was like a light flight so we threw up like a little blanket tent And it wasn't like you know it wasn't like she was like Fucking spitting on her hand It wasn't the plane you weren't hearing like porn sounds Like it wasn't she was just going Like it's so obvious But she was like you know like my you know yeah she had my dick at one point she was like thumbing the top of it that's it do you come no i would never do that oh i felt

like nervous like if you came in like a pressurized environment or something like it would do something like a total recall your fucking balls and like when a gun barrel gets clogged and then it just like i was worried it shoots back into the balls your balls i was worried i was worried i have to like stick a little pen in them to deflate them i was worried to be like a gun barrel where it just like unfolds like in looney tunes yeah yeah yeah so i was like don't make me calm also i was like what do i i don't know where i would come on the plane yeah it'd be fucked up if they had to get that blanket you just have to come in your pants kind of right i guess so or your girlfriend like has a napkin you could do the little vomit baggie you know yeah sure yeah yeah you can come with a little southwest napkin yeah yeah so i had that done but yeah damn i've never done anything crazy on a plane.

You haven't jacked off? Never jerked off on a plane? No, I've never been on a long enough flight for that. I've jacked off on like 90 minute flights. Yeah, it takes five minutes to jack off. You jack off on planes? To what? You have Wi-Fi? I get horny at airports and on airplanes.

I didn't know this about you. You get horny at airports. I thought everybody did. No. No? No, I get kind of... You don't? Yeah, I'm just depressed.

No, I know. I was just... Yeah, I get kind of depressed and just... I just want to get to my place. You feel like cattle. I think... I get a little afraid for my life.

So maybe that's like close to horny a little bit. Like I get excited. I think I cope with anxiety by getting horny. Even on land, I'll start jacking off out of anxiety.

Like if you're on a boat that's going down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Any big mechanical disaster, you're jacking off. Just anxious situations, I'll start jacking off. Yeah, I get hangover anxiety. I just jerk. That'd be great on the Titanic. Those guys I get hangover anxiety. I just jerk. When I'm hungover, I'm horny.

That'd be great on the Titanic. Those guys, they're playing music as it goes down. Instead of music, they're just jacking off. They're like, gentlemen, this is our last time. That's a jacking off idea. Gentlemen, it's been an honor jacking with you. It's been an honor and a pleasure, gentlemen. That little guy pinwheels and hits the,

but his dick's out the whole time. The guy hits the propeller and then penwheels off. There's a guy holding on to the top of the boat as it's going down. He's got the propeller. He's holding one hand on the propeller. Rose has to let go of his dick and he sinks into the icy blue.

Yeah, that's good stuff. I didn't know you were. I didn't know you were. But how do you do it by yourself? You jack off. Yeah, what do you do? In the bathroom. Is it all memory though?

But it's all thoughts? You do thoughts. You can jerk off to thoughts. Do you save porn on your phone? You jack off to thoughts? I don't save porn on my phone. I go into the bathroom and I think, yeah, I jack off to thoughts. Yeah. In the bathroom. You jack, yeah, I jack off the thoughts. Yeah.

In the bathroom. You jacking off to the Southwest pamphlet? In life, when I have comfort in my own convenience, like my computer, I'll jack off the porn. But on a plane, yeah, I jack off the thoughts. Okay. I haven't been able to do that in a long time. Do you go in the little toilet and then you suck it out? Yeah.

No, I try to time it so that as I come, I flush and then I hope it sucks out without even hitting the toilet. Oh, like it sucks it out of your penis. Exactly. Like a big piece of spaghetti. Exactly. You know the plane, when you do that, it shoots it out into the air. Into a bird's eye. It's like Dave Chappelle in Cotter.

It goes down a little city in Iowa. There's a bunch of storks just covered in cum. Just some poor stork in North Dakota. What do they call it when you cum on a lady's face? Bacardi. Facial. Cum shot. Fac facial. Cum shot. Facial.

Yeah, thank you. Facial. I always thought it was so funny when I was a kid and people would say their mom was getting a facial. I still do that. It just sounded like they're going to a place to get cum done. Every single time a girl says facial to me, I still go like, nice. I can't help it.

I go, yeah, sick. I go, huh? Yeah, was Ramon there? Yeah. I go, yeah. Then I go, you're lower than me i think we talked about this before but the first time i got to come like on top of a woman my first it wasn't a good thought but my first thought was like you stupid bitch

i know the first yeah the first time i did that i was like i can't believe you allowed this to happen through media programming was this ever a thing like did robert mitchum ever come on anyone's face was that a thing in night of the hunter yeah he's jerking off with the hate the hate hand like did john wayne need to come on faces? Did they even know that was a possibility? I think they did. Yeah, yeah. You think so? I think that's as old as time. I think naturally you're getting head and you just come, but

I don't think they were ever like, alright, put your fucking head, and they're jacking off onto the face. That's a new thing. I think humiliation has probably come and gone in waves. Were the cavemen doing it? Maybe. I don't think Qu's a new thing. Humiliation has probably come and gone in waves. Were the cavemen doing it? Yeah. Maybe.

I don't think Quakers were doing it. Quakers, no. So that was... No, no, no. Of course not. Not them. Yeah. Not them, but certainly like the first humans.

Sure. There's a lot of cavemen. Yeah. In the Rift Valley. There's like a cut caveman. Oh, there was cut cavemen. Yeah, yeah. They find the first black caveman. They're like, oh, we hit the jackpot.

That's why we still have Cucks is because old Cuck Cavemen were just like, they just got their brains bashed in with a rock. Another dirty caveman's like, fuck you. And he's like, why am I still a hornet? Well, I have heard that's the reason your penis has like that head on the top

is to pull like another competitor's cum out of a pussy. Like a squeegee? Like a shovel, yeah. Or a squeegee, yeah, exactly. A competitor's cum. Yeah, there's a lot of gang bangs. Well, because it was all about evolution back then. Right, like who makes the baby.

Right, exactly. Interesting. So it was genetically, evolutionarily convenient to have a big dickhead. Right, okay. Interesting. So it was genetically, like, evolutionarily convenient to have a big dickhead. Right. Like a mushroom tip. Yeah. Like the sperm would fight. Like 300.

Interesting. The beginning of, like, 2001. Yeah. Those sperms beating a sperm with a jawbone. Throwing it up in the air. Well, speaking of coming, this woman really made me horny. Master of segues.

The other day. A real MC, if you will. Johnny Carson over here. Go ahead. You are correct, sir. There's a fat bitch on the TV. We've watched the Whatever podcast before, and apparently they

had on their first Brontosaurus. I mean, you get it. You get it. How do you full screen an Instagram video? Whatever. It's just

the mindset and it's a full-time job. I mean, it's just like toning it down completely. It's just a woman who's confident in herself does whatever she wants for herself nobody else just woman whatever anybody can be a certified bad i think it's just a level of confidence and it's the mindset for sure i'm out like you would like uh you drop luke skywalker into a pit and she would be inside of it. It's actually like... It's astonishing because I think that might... This might be the ugliest woman

on the face of the earth. I think that's a dude. Is that a guy? I think she's trans. No, I think that's just the ugliest woman. Because her tits aren't that normal looking. I think I saw a video where it's a trans woman. Oh, really? I may be tripping out. I think she's beautiful and I apologize.

I think she's beautiful and I'm dating her now. She's trans. I have nothing to say about this. Beautiful, honestly. She's fucking disgusting. She says she's a bad bitch. What is that?

What are they doing over there? It's a fucking retard that just likes to own women, that has, like, a smidge more intelligence than maybe the average retard, you know? It's like the Ben Shapiro of, like, hot women. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he just, I think they honestly find these hoes,

like, he just, like, finds women and hits on them and invites them on the podcast. There are a lot of, like, porny, where it's, like, a failing comedian, they just get porn stars on, and they're just like you like you drink calm and they're like yeah is like dude that's fucking sick yeah like what was it 15 and then you look and it has like 8 million views on instagram like what's the craziest time you drank the most calm whoa whoa so you tell me your dad raped you and that's why you do this wow that's sick that's fucking sick dude yeah no it's it's a viral shock horror uh talk yeah yeah

i think it's made just for instagram reels yeah i don't think they actually do an hour podcast i think they just make a clip where they're like, bring the beast in. Bring her in. And she has like the Lord of the Rings shackle around her neck. Yeah, she's like. And then she takes a seat. This guy's with shades. This guy's holding her like he's King Kong. Firefighters are cutting a hole in the wall to get her into the studio.

And then they just go, do your scrap, do your scrap. And she goes, and then she goes, I'm a bad bitch. I'm a bit of a bad bitch. And people don't understand my swag. Right. And then just like rips a guy into the wall. Throws a man.

He hits the concrete wall and just splatters. Like literally Jurassic Park just throws a body into the wall. wall and just splatters like literally jurassic park just throws a body into the wall yeah i don't know god yeah it's a fascinating world because if you're that lady you just got to know to not put yourself in that situation yeah you know well that's why she's allowed to be made made fun of yeah because she showed up you yeah you're a duck who went to a shooting gallery. She showed up. She got an Uber XXXL and a bunch of men. Very good. Very good. Right, folks?

Come on. She got an Uber black boyfriend. Very good. Very good. She had. Yep. She got a lift out of her chair. Yes.

Very good. She got a lift right out of her chair. Yes. Very good. Very good. She was, she was carried there by a strong safety for the Ravens. And, uh, it's just, it's bizarre.

I mean, I, when you see somebody that looks like, like that, you go, I don't, and you have that much confidence. You,

you don't mind what happens to them. You don't mind what people say. I think at that point you almost have to have and you have that much confidence you you don't mind what happens to them you don't mind what people i think at that point you almost have to have like a psychosis about how you right look you know what i mean yeah which then makes like i don't even want to get the trans stuff but it's like oh boy oh boy what the hell is that gonna be i don't mean the trans stuff i don't even know what i mean really i just mean like that gonna be i don't mean the trans stuff i don't even know what i mean really i just mean like she that woman is kind of trans by thinking she's attractive right like that's a version of gender dysmorphia isn't that she has like attractive you're saying yeah you're saying she's identifying as attractive she's identifying as attractive right she's like

i'm a bad bitch and everyone's like we're afraid you're gonna eat us like you literally look like a men in black alien villain like we need the hannibal mask on you so you don't bite us and eat us um yeah she's a they them but just because of the amount of people she is she has that disease better than this lady. Lizzo looks way better than that bitch. I think it's just the combination

of the shape of her. She's just a very unattractive person. She's like an ugly That's not even the fact that she's just big. You guys think Lizzo's hot? No, fuck no.

That woman we just saw looks like she works for Tony Soprano. Yeah. She looks like she drives Tony Soprano around. Yeah, that's Big Pussy's daughter.

Like Tony hit her with the phone one time when she was being annoying. Yes, that looks like Georgie from The Srano around. Yeah, that's a big pussy daughter. Like Tony hit her with the phone one time when she was being annoying. Yes, that looks like Georgie from The Sopranos. Yeah, exactly. No, but Lizzo's a big fat pig as well. Yeah, but she's better looking than her. She has a cute face.

She's like a decent, you know, whatever. She could lose weight and be cute. If you're into somebody that big, you know, she's attractive. Show me that 800 pound woman with this slim face and I bet she might be hot. You guys don't know. She's fucking horrendous. Let me see her. Let me see her again. She looks like a bullfrog.

She looks to me... Jesus fuck. I'm Allie, better known for Al Lisey. I'm 23 years old from Arizona. You can't fit in the front. She looks like the War Machine's ex-girlfriend. You know how people have that face

where you just kind of hate them? She has a cannibal face. It looks really bad. Her face is made badly. She just looks bad. She has horrible teeth. She looks like cute. If that was a really hot chick with a perfect body, she's got cute little buck teeth.

She's got a little gap. It's really cute. She looks like a cannibal that won. Yeah. She looks like she won. She's so fat she has forehead fat. She looks like she ate everybody on earth. You guys are being... Lizzo is like fat but at least still looks like there's a

skeleton of a woman that's got nice skin. Yeah she's like a humanoid shape still. Yeah. This person comes from deep space. Is's got nice skin. Yeah, she's like a humanoid shape still. Yeah, exactly. This person comes from deep space. Is what I'm saying. That person identifies as a UFO. She's literally from Star Trek or something. Like Deep Space Nine.

She doesn't look... Nothing in her body looks right. No, nothing. Nothing looks right. That's why I brought it up. Her skull looks like a hedge maze. She looks like a puppet. It's a bizarre looking thing. Her brow cuts her own flesh, probably. It cuts through to the outside.

That's what I'm saying. I'm on record accepting her for her shape and size, and I accept everybody's. Go on, next topic. Right. Yeah, that's the thing. I mean, she probably is a bad person, but just don't go on that podcast. Yeah, just don't go. Yeah.

You're going to get made fun of. Don't go help out the dipshit guy that does a podcast where he shits on women. Who clearly was like, let me get five really hot women. And then you. And then you. But they're so unaware of the joke being played on. Yeah, the fucking sociopath who's like, I'm doing this for just the algorithm. Yeah.

Because I know the comments are going to be insane. And they were. That video floated around for a long time. Do you guys hear about this lady that had an orgasm at the Philharmonic? What? At the LA Philharmonic, right? The LA Philharmonic. Yeah.

Like a couple weeks ago. Did you hear it, John? Oh, no. Was this you? Yeah, it was me, dude. John was finger banging somebody at the la philharmonic yeah like a couple weeks ago did you hear it john oh no was this you yeah it was me dude john was finger banging somebody at the orchestra this is a woman that was at the la phil oh they had the recording of it they had the recording oh john can you flip your fucking cans around yeah you hear it okay oh my god it sounds like a murder man imagine coming that public i know like what was happening was somebody like fucking her with the timpani mallet or something do you think she was even being touched or was the music that powerful that it it made her come. That it made her come. I don't know. Women could come from beautiful music.

They come from weird stuff. Like, they'll come from just thinking about, like, the trash being taken out. Yeah. What was the venue? They come from, like, you saying, I'm really proud of you. Yeah. That was the L.A. Philharmonic. Okay.

So, it was, like, built for acoustics. Yeah. So, they heard that. So, there's, like, the vibrations. So, if you come, they're hearing it. Yeah. They're hearing. But, so it's like built for acoustics. Yeah, so they have that. Like the vibrations. So if you come, they're hearing it. Yeah. They're hearing, but no, but I mean like, so the musicians, like the music is coming and vibrating off

the walls. Right, it's like a machine. Oh, right. Very good job. It's like a drying machine. Yeah. Or a washing machine. Sitting on a Sibian. Sitting on a Sibian. The whole audience is sitting on a Sibian. It's like that scene in Private Parts where the lady sits on the speaker. It's a musical Sibian. Yeah whole audience is sitting on a Sibian. It's like that scene in Private Parts where the lady sits on the speaker. It's a musical Sibian.

And Stern was there too. Do you see Howard Stern talking about how he's upset that black players in the NBA don't know who he is? Yeah. No. You didn't see that, Joey? He said they won't talk to him courtside. He said they won't talk to me. It's like, they don't know who I am. It's like, yeah, they don't.

They don't know who you are. They tell me Jordan P, they don't. They don't know who you are. Jordan Poole doesn't know me? Was he being self-deprecating and being like, look, nobody knows me anymore? I didn't hear him talk about it, but it's been going around online a lot. He also said, is everything about race relations these days? Yeah, he goes, is everything about race now? He was kind of serious.

You also used to get in blackface and put a bone through your nose for sketches. Maybe they know that, Howard. 40 years ago. Yeah, the Grand Wizard. He'd be lucky if it was that. None of those guys were alive, by the way. I know.

That's why he's lucky. It's not that they know he used to do blackface. It's not like they're like, I'm a bigger fan of Artie Lang, so I'm not going to talk to Howard. Yeah. Like, where's Jackie the Chokeman? Yeah. Howard keeps looking for Beetlejuice the whole time

he gets confused they're like Gary the retard not Gary the conqueror asshole you Jew they're huge Stern fans but they hate Stern it's not like Jason Tatum

is like fuck that guy I'm more of an ONA guy. Right. You know, they just don't know who he is. Joey, Howard Stern has had an Eminem-esque twilight period. For like 10 years now. Yeah, it's been. He's the guy who interviews Hillary Clinton and talks about how he hates Bernie Sanders.

How do you defend this, Joey? He's a massive embarrassment. He wouldn't leave his house during the pandemic like when it was like long over and nobody cared anymore i think eminem is worse because eminem's actually releasing uh like albums and stuff it's actually not true because eminem's even though he makes still bad music people still do appreciate it on some level and they still go like platinum and shit. He's still doing like good rapping. Yeah. Nobody cares. But the rapping's fine.

You think it's good? I hate his latest stuff but there's still always a song where I'm like yeah that's a radio song. And his actual rapping on the he's doing like I mean it's like the lyrical miracle thing. He's still but he's still doing it. Yes exactly. Whereas Howard Stern is like literally the antithesis to who he was he's he seems determined to ruin everybody who loved him

right and it would be like it would be like if eminem like made a country album or something yeah you know he's just not even rapping it's like if eminem started making like rupee cower like poetry yeah where he was like we are sad i am sad when you dipped your fingers into my honey pot and pulled back nothing sweet what did you expect i see them as very it's an 80 year old jewish man yeah it's like if he started doing like one two buckle my shoe now i i think that we we're both watching uh uh people that were very good at what they used to do become lazy and kind of like shit out. But they're such sociopaths for attention that they refuse to leave their jobs.

They want to get paid. They don't want to leave. I don't think it's a paid thing because Howard's like, what? You could be worth like a billion dollars, you know? No. Did you see that secret meeting that leaked at Stern? Sad. What was that?

What happened? secret meeting that leaked at stir yeah sad what was that what happened so stern had like uh he hosted uh like a a company-wide meeting where he was like hey here are the things that i think this show's going wrong about because uh the views were declining he's like i think we need to do this um to you know pick up the viewership and he was basically just being you know saying chase you remember like his points i think he was basically just being you know saying chase remember like his points i think he was literally like like uh i mean it was just like watching you know the guy who was like yeah already is dying of heroin in the corner and he's like to increase shareholder value we need to have more interviews with young stars like ariana grande

that's exactly what it was that type of thing it's like you used to have like retarded people on and like you know make get them to the point of killing themselves. That was the point of the show. You used to bribe brothers and sisters into touching each other's genitals for money. Yeah. Because they needed it

desperately. You're exploiting mentally retarded people. Yeah, you're exploiting. And before that, that's an improvement from you doing blackface

all the fucking time. You're throwing baloney covered in mayonnaise at strippers assholes who are addicted to drugs fucking time you're throwing bologna covered in mayonnaise at strippers assholes who are addicted to drugs and you're giving them like 25 bucks right and that's an improvement from doing the most robin williams style like oh hello there like comedy like all day long but so hang on wait so atward i think really was very funny and I at some point every like big comedian including Louis CK

Chris Rock and like all of our favorite comedians if you ask them at some point they would be like who is the funniest person in the world there was a period of time where they would all say like Howard Stern and he was our biggest influence and blah blah blah so I think what happened was Howard Stern

he got the serious XM deal they gave him 100 million bucks a year and for 5 years 500 million bucks that's insane half a billion dollars absolutely insane

just spending on Scarecrow outfits the whole time so he can walk around like from batman the animated series scarecrow half a million dollars to go around town having to tell people you're not phil specter i remember uh he came on letterman when chase worked at letterman he did i saw him there yeah and chase was like he looked like shit like he was dressed like he legitimately was dressed like he had like shit like he was dressed like he legitimately was dressed like he had like a like a 25 button down vest and like a long capey thing yeah and he looked

he looked like like a neil gaiman sandman like he should be walking in like this and like the wind's blowing or something and he's here to like he's here to do like ray bradbury horror fiction right he's gonna sell you a trumpet that plays all the right notes, but it also curses your soul. It's like a Stephen King show. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It curses your soul. An ironic, something wicked this way, com-style villain.

And, yeah, I mean, he was good on that Letterman thing that I have. But, I mean, he has writers and everything. So, anyways, he was very good. Now, this is the last, like, 30 seconds. We'll get off this. He was extremely funny and very talented. And he innovated a huge part of what changed comedy culture. And then he got married, remarried to Beth.

And he. Who is his wife? Who is beth is she that hot oh yeah she was she's really she was like a model she was a supermodel right and so he uh got married to her and was basically like okay so i've been like getting heavily criticized for being controversial. I could. I could keep doing that, but I'm already very rich. Or I could keep getting paid by Sirius 100 million bucks a year, and I could interview Madonna and Hillary Clinton and just kind of coast and do easy interviews. I don't mind all that. The fact that he started actually having, like,

opinions that he knows in his heart of hearts are so anti-him. Yeah. He started having really gay opinions. Like, yeah, just, like, where you're trying to, like, it feels like you're actively trying to ruin who I thought you were. No, no.

Because then you're, like, two years into company, it's like, stay home, everybody. It's not, it's like, you're like two years into COVID and he's like, stay home, everybody. It's like construction workers, guys who are openly racist on Twitter. Your callers. Those are your fans. Your fans.

It was bizarre. He was giving the opinions that give him the least amount of hateful feedback and can keep him on air. That's what it's all for. He's like, okay, let me say the thing,

non-controversial. It's going to, I can, you know, skate by. I don't know. I think he's given himself more problems realistically than just like skated by. Problems in your world, but in his world, in the Hamptons with Beth. What are we talking about? He's showing up to fucking NBA games and he's like, these blacks don't even know who I am. He's obviously losing his mind slightly.

Piss off like a 21-year-old. Like that Zion Williamson doesn't know who he is. Well, he's desperate for material still. And he's like, oh, how do I turn this NBA game into like a comedy thing for the show? But he's not getting, if he came out and was like oh fucking COVID is fake and it's a virus by China he would be getting everybody in his life.

Here's the thing. It's not that extreme. He doesn't need to do that. All he has to do is not be the guy that's literally gayer than anybody on earth about COVID. Being gay is the easiest life for him. That's why we're criticizing him. That's why we're making fun of him i know but that but i'm just telling you that's

why he's doing it but i don't know if you know why he's doing i do know i don't know i know him i listen to him every single day the money that's it's all that it's all that it's the key making money and to have the best easiest life for, how do you get that big and then start not caring about your legacy? It's because you get comfortable. It's like when a fighter... Joey's about to hit me. Yeah. Joey's got to get a Baba Booey tattoo lasered off.

No, it's like when they say it's really hard to train for a fight when you're sleeping in silk sheets. And not to compare a fucking podcaster or radio guy to a fighter, but when you're constantly dealing with mental distress because you said some crazy thing, you have to wake up and go, fuck, how do I defend myself against this controversy? It is similar to, okay, I'm waking up, I have to train, I have to think about this opponent. Can I

say what I think? Is this too unfunny to get a serious conversation about Stern? No, let's do it. This could be the Patreon to it. It doesn't matter. I think he got way too into therapy, and that's kind of what undid him. Because this is all what happened around the pier where he was like, I'm going to therapy twice a day.

Yeah. He was going to therapy. And I do think like at a certain point, too much therapy makes you an extremely gay person. Twice a day? What are they measuring his nose? Yeah. It's like John's way in. Yeah.

In order to still be immediate, your nose needs to be over. He's spitting in a cup to make sure it's a little smaller than last week. No, I think to stay on top of media, it's got to be long enough to still be immediate, your nose needs to be over. He's spitting in a cup to make sure it's a little smaller than last week. No, I think to stay on top immediately, it's got to be long enough to still be Jewish. They're doing measurements. Can you still do the news? We don't like the angle of the hook. And they're holding like a carpenter's thing up to it. Joey, thoughts?

I think both of those things were a consequence of age. So I think the reason he started getting so weak and having such softer takes was because he was getting old and weak. And I think the reason he started going to therapies is because he

was getting old and weak. And he started just to need help. And he started getting weak and he's like, I can't take the pressure anymore. Let me go to a therapist. Let me stop saying stuff that puts me under pressure. And he just got old

and he got rich and he got soft. He got soft. Frankly, I wouldn't even rape him anymore. Because he's an ugly old Jewish man. Yeah, I get it, Joe. I know where you're coming from. I've had an ugly old Jewish man. Yeah, I get it, Joe. I know where you're coming from. I've had a lot of my heroes die. He sucks.

He fucking sucks. He's terrible. I'm telling you why I think he sucks. I don't think we're having a disagreement. No, we agree. I'm just trying to figure out why, because it's bizarre to me. Because he already made it on that image. It's like like why do you have to be this guy now that is so lame because it is an interesting thing about like all artists become

like kind of terrible yeah it's it's and i'm always thinking about like yeah what the hell goes on like i told i told you this about like before kendrick dropped his last album i was like i feel like he kind of almost has to like or something because he'll be ruined. Yeah, and then he releases Miles Morales and the Miles Morales and the Frog Dancers or whatever. The Frog Dancers. Whatever it was called. Miles Morales and the

Frog Dancers. That's the Black Spider-Man. I knew what I was doing. It's Mr. Magoo and the Big Timers. Yes, exactly. What is the name of it? Mr. Morale and the Big Timers. Yes, exactly. What is the name of it? Mr. Morale and the Big... Oh, I'm sorry. Jay says Mr. Morale and the Big Steppers.

Mr. Morale and the Big Steppers. And the Big Steppers. We're doing Dr. Seuss rhymes and it doesn't make sense. I made up my whole band that never existed. And then we just come up with her. This is my side of your purpose except it sucks, kinda. I don't know, people just... This career ain't free.

You think I can just keep being me, but I can't. This isn't my legacy. I've got a ton of shit over time, but I'm refusing to hang it up. Chad, where's your bottle? Oh, yeah, John. I was trying to hide it because it's getting disgusting. Keep it on. It's too white.

It's very cummy. It does look cummy. Keep spit in it. It's too white. It's very cummy. It does look cummy. That's so great. It's like a spit. Your spit is so. Let love for a piss. What are you doing? Joseph's peeing.

Yeah, I was trying to hide it because it's getting gross. Keep it on. It's getting gross. Damn, dude. That is pretty nasty. You got to keep it for the people. They need to see how much weight you're losing. Oh, well.

Losing a lot of weight. I was doing it for you guys. I want you to glance. Devin's picking it up. Look at that. I took my glasses off. It's still grossing me out. That's a lot there.

It looks like a shitty, unhealthy load. That looks, it looks like a- It's like really watery. Like he ate chili dogs for a month. Yeah. Like you're the type of depressed where you're only eating chili. Yeah. Out of the can.

That looks like if you lived on Hamburger Helper, like what your cum would look like. It's about an ounce. It has like taco seasoning in it. Yeah. It looks horrific. Yeah. I can't even look at it.

There's something floating in it. Frankly, I'm disgusted. It's really crazy, John. It's really disgusting. I don't know. Well, we wish you well in your fight tomorrow. Oh, God. You could get scalped by a goddamn engine.

Dude, if they fucking. The guy actually scalps you? Yeah. Like a revenant. I'm on a mat at Cal State Fullerton. And he ties it into your belt, into his belt. He makes a cape out of him. Are you?

I can tell you're actually nervous. I'm weak and I'm nervous and I'm mentally like, dude, I couldn't like, it's just yeah. I've never done a sport before. What's your game plan going into this? Can I ask you? You gotta like protect the post. It's so weird because it's so many like minute movements at once. Alright, don't go

all rogu. We get it. It's a chess match in real time. You gotta do an ice bath. Yeah. Guys from Fresno are great at it. I'm just my thing is just, you know, do my best. You're going to be okay but like I've never seen you like this before. Yeah, I've never done like

this dude. This guy came up to me the other day and was like, do you remember like the pregame? Everybody just assumes I did football because of me. He's like, you remember the pregame? Yeah, no. Everybody's like, remember the pregame jitters during football? And I was like, no. Like, sir, I've been jacking off for 20 years. I's like, you remember the pregame? I assume he did football. Yeah, no. Everybody's like, remember the pregame jitters during football? And I was like, no. Like, sir, I've been jacking off for 20 years. I was like, sir, I was 320 pounds most of my life.

And like, yes, I just have never done a fucking thing. What are you down to, 220? I was 220 this morning. That's great. You've lost 100 pounds. I saw that old picture of you. I forgot you used to look like that. I was so fat.

I was at 204 before the hand, foot, and mouth disease. I lost like almost 120 pounds. I saw that old picture of you. I forgot you used to look like that. I was so fat in the day. I was at 204 before the hand foot and mouth disease. It looks like almost 120 pounds. The hand foot mouth disease helped. It boosted me back. All your nails and stuff. I didn't know how heavy those were. I didn't know John was wearing weight. John lost 20 pounds like he actually lost. They fell off.

I I I I I gained weight during hand foot and mouth They fell off. I, um... No. I, uh... I, um... I, uh... No, I gained weight during hand-foot and mouth because I couldn't use my kitchen.

It was like ultra-quarantine. So you were just getting, like, delivery. Like, people couldn't share a bathroom with me. Jesus. Because it comes out of your shit. So how were you eating, man? What? Uber Eats.

They couldn't share a bathroom with you because the virus could come up from out of your shit? The virus lingers in the shit the longest. Like, it's Andy Dufresne coming out of the mud? Yeah. Like even after I was like symptom free, I couldn't like poop. The virus is coming at John's shit.

And it's like. John's shit. He's like, ah! In the shower. Boom, boom, boom. Well, Andy always wanted to go into the ass of an Asian roommate. That virus crawled through five miles of John shit,

which was mostly calm back then. Yeah, I was super. So I just ate Uber Eats for like a week. I went broke eating Uber Eats. My sister would try to bring me food as much as possible. Yeah, because you couldn't work either, I'm assuming. No, it sucked ass. I couldn't go to your bar shop with him.

I couldn't go to my bar. Your hands were melting off. It was so embarrassing. It was so embarrassing. You're doing cocktail moves. He was there a lot quicker than he should have been. I was watching him serve people drinks. I was there like a week and a half afterwards.

He was there like really quick and I was sitting at his bar and I was looking over at people and I'm like, this guy's handing you a disease. I gave a guy a hand foot mouth in my bar. You gave a guy? Yeah, he came back and I was like, he was like, where you been? I was like, I had hand foot mouth. He was like, I did too. And I I was like and I just remember just squeezing limes Yeah

Well, I think it was the night I realized I got it when I was hanging out with you guys Easily gotten it too. That was crazy. You guys could have easily fucking gotten it. My hands were like leaking. Was it the night of your birthday party? No, that was way after that. That was some of the biggest fear I've ever had in my life was the morning we woke up and John's like, dude, I think I have monkey pox.

Yeah, it was crazy. Joey and I were like, well, we were with you last night and the night before. Also, how did you get monkey pox? We thought it was monkey pox. Then we were like, well, we were with you last night and the night before. And also, how did you get monkey pox? We thought it was monkey pox. And then we were like, oh, he's gay. Literally, there was a moment where I was taking a shit and I was like, man, John's gay.

The shit reminded you of John being gay. I was like, John is so gay. I was like, he wants this turd to go in his ass. Devin Colby, not even on the podcast, Devin Colby was like, dude, he has monkey pox? And then I'm like, yeah., Devin Colby was like, dude, he has monkey pucks? Yeah. I'm like, yeah. And Devin goes,

well, then he's gay. He's having gay sex. It's like 99% gay men got monkey pucks. I was like, so we found out our friend's secret. That's fine. Who do you think I was fucking? You think I was going out? I don't know who you do.

I don't. If you're like saying we got monkey pugs. Every fucking day you're having sex with somebody getting shot out of a cannon. Dude, I would have told you I was gay. That's the crazy thing. Well. I would have fucking told you. We'd hope.

We'd hope. We would only hope. And then you come home with fucking monkey pugs. Yeah. It was the only situation where I've been to a hospital and I like walk in and I was like, I'm in so much pain, and I need help. Really? It was the first time I've ever felt truly helpless as an adult.

It was fucked up. Jesus. Yeah, it was that miserable, right? It was horrible. Three days. Your hands were falling off. Your hands were falling off. I was taking two Benadryl a night, and I couldn't sleep more than three hours.

It was so much pain. Yeah. Then my hands fell off. Ugh. All my fingernails just fell off. Did you pull them off? Here's the thing. Jace, here's the thing.

This retard's spitting in a bottle. I feel like I'm doing the jackass podcast right now. I'm going to go like Steve-O throw-up noises. Here's the thing. John got it from his bar. He didn't even get it from... I think I got it from a bar. He didn't even get it from... I think I got it from a homeless guy. He didn't get it from...

You fucked a homeless guy? He didn't get it from UFC or whatever the fuck. No, I don't think I got it from Jits. I think I got it. Because I just like shake hands. You know what I mean? Sure. You got it from some disgusting maniac that comes into your bar.

You shake hands with a homeless guy that just is like bones for hands. Bones and a little bit of meat. It's like the grip keeper. You shake his hand and then pull most of his skin off with you. You're like, oh my god. Every guy that John serves has like their social security number like tattooed

on their head. Yeah, all your customers have the pin that says, if lost, call Glendale Psychiatric Hospital. John is the kid going like, you guys gotta meet my fucking friend is so funny and dude like he's you guys are gonna love him he comes to the bar like he's so fucking cool ricky kicks ass dude don't even start with me ricky's the fucking man you didn't even know who i was gonna say i know you're talking about

ricky no but it's been like five people there's five dudes that five dudes that are hilarious. There's always funny-ass homeless dudes. No, but they're all like, oh, this guy's so fucking funny. And you meet them, and they're brain damaged. Yeah. They can't talk. They're funny. You're the bartender for like soft white underbelly. Yeah, essentially.

John will also mix in, though, like a regular guy. He's like, oh, this guy's a fucking cool dude. Yeah, and then he's like a normal dude. Do you have like a lot of repeating customers where they come in and it's like, hey, you know, the missus, she died of sepsis.

Dude, I have like 30 of those guys. There's like a lot of people. I love that. Do you talk about where you bartend at? So people can go see. People can figure it out.

Great host to the show. I just said, I bartend at Union Station. You begged me to come on this podcast. You abandoned me. All right. Okay, let's just go

into lemon party mode. You're Devin. You're Ben. Say something retarded. Hey, like, you ever, like, fucking suck off a retard and shit your pants? That's a pretty great Ben impression. My only impression, Devin, is we gotta do thing, thing, thing. That's all he just talks about pretty much.

Thing? Thing. He talks about things. He hates doing things. That is true. Do you talk about the bar, what it is, so people can go visit you? I tell people I work at Union Station. They can figure it out.

Right. I'm not going to name drop the bar. You know what I mean? If there's one bar at Union Station. There's two bars at Union Station. Go check them both out and see which one. What's what I mean? If there's one bar at Union Station. There's two bars at Union Station. Go check them both out and see which one's next. What's the other one?

Homebounds. And I'll even, we've narrowed it down even more. Where is Homebounds? So it's the one that's not Homebounds. It's the one that's not

the Homebound. Where is Homebounds? Right outside the doors. But they're my mortal enemy, dude. They're fucking cocksucker. Oh, that's not Union Station. Across the street. No, no, across the,

it's literally 50 feet from my bar. No, but you go outside. No, yeah, that's not Union Station. Across the street. No, no, across that. It's literally 50 feet from my bar. No, but you go outside. No, yeah, that's not Union Station. It's technically not, but it was like a wheelhouse they had there for a while. There used to be a smaller bar inside. It's a beautiful building. That's where people go piss when Union Station bathroom. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like there's a stabbing happening. Oh, God, yeah. Somebody got shot there. Yeah, I remember there was a shooting or whatever. It was crazy. You text us like I'm in a shooting or whatever oh no that was a joke oh like months they're filming swat there and i told devin that i was being taken hostage oh right serious for like three hours when you said you were in a shooting yeah when i said i was being told hostage i had

i had a feeling you were full of shit no you didn't i i can uh i the one thing i love taking advantage of is devin's love for me and just abusing how much you love me. We all have taken advantage of people that love us. I mean, what other way to go through life than to just continually see how much you can get away with before somebody leaves you ultimately? Well, it's like if somebody tells you they love you a lot, you go, well, this is okay.

Thanks. You gave me a really good period of time yeah to fuck up you gave me a really to see what i can do how low can i go every day i'm gonna inch a little it's it's like shawshank breaking out of that prison it is it is you go man i got i got like this much love from you so i can just kind of keep chipping away yeah every day you walk out to the yard you just pour a little bit more of trust and loyalty out of the bottom of your pants. Yeah, like the Great Escape. You're getting rid of dirt in your pants.

Charles Bronson's down there. You're building the tunnel. Next thing you know, you're fucking some guy. You're jujitsu class. You got monkey bugs and ringworms. I got ringworm too. That was crazy. Jesus, John. You literally are just a science experiment. People make fun. It's like a running joke in my jujitsu classes i'm like disease ridden well why don't

we talk about how you talk to the people in your jujitsu class because john is in a group text with these guys jays sure and all he does is is make really inappropriate gay jokes and like yeah i think they think i'm gay he acts purposefully like super gay and then they're always he'll send me like the text and it's like he'll say something and they won't respond for like super gay and then they're always he'll send me like the text and it's like he'll say something and they won't respond for like nine hours and then they just like pick it back up like in a different place yeah they don't want to acknowledge it's tough to be that member of the group chat he's that oh it's great no i i kind of go i the other day like i was i was like i was like fucking so i'm like i'm i think like i think my black belt thought i was gay because

like the other day he like he said that's gay and then like looked at me and was like not there's anything wrong with that he looked at you and he goes will you suck me and i was like i was like oh shit and then uh yeah i think he legitimately thought i was gay or something but yeah i think they see me those jiu-jitsu guys are like that's the our only gay friend is john no i'm like yeah yeah i'm the token gay guy. But it's also like a lot of Latinos and shit. But they're getting me now. They start to get me more.

But those are still the guys who, like, if you're drinking Bud Light, they'll be like, dude, you're fucking dead beer? I can't tell you how many people deny Bud Light now. What? You don't, like, choose things to identify that you don't want to suck cock? Because you're that insecure in the fact that you don't want to suck cock there are guys who deny bud light at my bar like i'll be like bud light they'll be like do you have miller light i'll be like no we got bud light and they'll be like fuck that shit and then they'll like really i'm dead serious that's happening now it's happened

like three times so far yeah yeah it's crazy and they i heard they didn't even make the fucking can no they never even actually made that it was just sent to that person what an insane thing it was just sent to dylan mulvaney but they never they never actually made that. It was just sent to that person. What an insane thing. It was just sent to Dylan Mulvaney. They never actually made that. Who the fuck's Dylan Mulvaney? How do you know, John? I bet you fucking don't, buddy. It looked like cutting weight in his brain.

I know. Well, who is it? John, you're spitting out spinal fluid. Who's Dylan Mulvaney? Cutting weight of brain cells. It's like a trans woman that uh had became a woman for a year episode on are you fucking moron john is the bud white lady any memory of anything my long covet's bad dude john blames everything long covet which is like i don't i i buy it well

i've always been a himbo with adhd but then you stack oh and on top of that i'm like fucking demented he's got a goldfish brain. Yeah, I got water brain for sure. I had long COVID. I don't feel like I'm that bad. Yeah, no, Jace remembers a lot. Well, I just... You remember we had competing long COVIDs for a period of time.

Well, you had physical issues I didn't have. Mine's all head games, bro. Let me explain real quick. John's one of those guys that started blaming his legitimate retardation on long COVID. I got hit with a Chinese biowe games, bro. Let me explain it real quick. John's one of those guys that started blaming his legitimate retardation on long COVID. I got hit with a Chinese bioweapon, bro. You didn't get hit with shit, bro. Fuck yeah, I did, dude.

That was exactly right. Xi Jinping wants me dead. John just blames the fact that he's kind of retarded on long COVID. It was a nice, fun little excuse for everybody. All of the faults that he's had his entire life suddenly became the fault of COVID. Yeah. Instead of just, I'm retarded. John's like, sorry life suddenly became the fault of COVID. Yeah. Instead of just, I'm retarded. John's like, sorry I'm talking about myself so much, dude.

I fucking want COVID, dude. I remember when I was like in the, I would like text you guys and be like, yeah, I'm having trouble breathing today. John's like, yeah, I got a little dizzy, man. 35 seconds after I text it, I'm like, I don't know if I might have long-term complications that never result in cells. John's like, my toe's a little blue, brother. I had fucking...

And John's like, I don't know, dude, I'm just fucking feeling kind of like, feeling kind of like horny tonight. I'll always text you guys if you're horny. John, literally every... We'll be driving around. We'll be going to the gas station to get water. And John's like, dude, I'm so fucking horny right now.

Everywhere we go, John's horny. Yeah. On the way to a funeral, John's like, I'm so fucking horny right now, dude. Well, it's like, you know... John, do you think it's an open casket, dude? Do you think people will be watching, dude? Lock it up with a little bit of cum in your hand and just sneak in it. You throw it on top of the casket, dude? So you think people will be watching, dude? Walk it up with a little bit of cum in your hand and just sneak in it.

You throw it on top of the casket instead of dirt. John's like, you know, sounds of the lambs. Ashes to ashes. Splooge to splooge. Did you lose taste? You know, it's good for their fucking skin, dude.

I never lost taste or smell, but I just had really bad breathing problems. I had a fucking pulse oximeter, and I got down to like 85. I remember that. I remember that. You were like 85 at one point. I couldn't walk. I couldn't actually work. Well, you had legitimate, the clotting issue.

The veins. Yeah, I had to go to fucking, not to brag, Cedar Sinai, to get a lady fucking had to do an ultrasound on my deep thigh. So she's just like thumbing like my cock and balls around with her. Relax. You're like, is this a happy ending? Fucking sex stories. It's a woman uncomfortably probed with a fucking two inch long two foot long thing.

I thought I had long COVID, bro. Yeah, no, it was like a little tiny Armenian woman and she was just like, she's like, all right, let's say, and then just like just mashing into the side of my ball sack. And then I'm looking up at like, there's a, it looks like a fucking baby, like on a fucking

Sonic, right? It's just like beating like that. Your dick. And then, um, yeah, my dude, my my dude my fucking dick dude it pulses it has a pulse yeah and every dick has a pulse um and anyway she like anyway i'm not trying to talk about my dick right now dog um she jace posted story it's called like my nutsack and the armenian nurse yeah i started writing short stories like erotic and i was i was walking out i was like i know you can't tell me but like like am i good and she's like i think you're gonna be happy with your results so i thought i would have like a blood clot for because my legs were going numb on me she goes you're gonna be happy with your results, baby.

She starts kissing your cock. Sucking you off. She's got to come on. Yeah, she came. She's like, all right, get in the game. I was like, I've seen this video before. I know how this ends. She's like, no tip.

Yeah. Let me try to get my my cock hard while I'm afraid I might die. And I can't even get blood to my brain. Has that all pretty much gone away, though? Yeah, six months and it was fine. Yeah. For the most part. Cause I,

when I, well, they say the, I lost taste and smell for like almost two weeks and they say that's like, it's not like an olfactory thing. It's a brain thing. So they say like, that's why I'm like weird about my brain.

Cause I don't, I'm brain is all factory. No, I mean like, I mean like it's, it wasn't like affecting the shit that makes you smell. It was like affecting a shit that processes smells in your brain. Yeah.

So I'm all like fucking didn't affect your racism. No, it actually made it stronger. It actually destroyed the safeguards around your race. I'm more xenophobic because of foreign diseases brought into the country. Your racism in your brain had like a little fence post, like a cattle guard. And COVID just attacked those. And now you have like little racist cells just like bucking around kicking other parts of your brain to death yeah well i always wonder when you blame the long

covet i'm like i i don't know how serious that is because jace hasn't been affected mentally whatsoever why the no taste no i can make a cum joke like that jace is like the quickest sharp as a tech as as quick as usual, Jace. Well, talk to my sister. She knows the difference and shit. She did? Yeah. What does she say?

She says I'm retarded. She's always said that. Yeah, but then. But she doesn't always say it. It's like very common for her to say. Yeah. So what got dumber about you? Yeah, what happened with you?

I don't know. I think, well, the thing is this happened in Atlanta. He doesn't even know about how he's retarded. Oh, no. That's how retarded he is. The real story is like three months after I got it, I started forgetting to zip up my fly every time

I took a piss. And then I was like, there's something weird going on. And I started missing steps at my job that I never missed before. And then David would call me and be like, do you remember that thing we did when we were like 21? That was like something I shouldn't have forgotten. And I was like, no. You were also like before that shitting your've always i've always been a himbo i know this maybe you're

a himbo a male bimbo male bimbo yeah yeah you weren't always a himbo yeah i don't know about that come on i mean now you fucking dude dog you get it in yeah yeah now you're john was too fat to be a himbo but he mentally was him mentally himbo. Mentally a himbo, yeah. You were born a himbo. I was mentally a himbo. That's why you had to undergo trans surgery to become a himbo. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've... You're more of a Jimbo to me.

Jimbo. I, uh... You know, I've always been kind of like day-to-day smarts. Not there, you know. When it comes to autistic knowledge. I don't think so. I can't handle money. I'm full of money. I suck ass.

I got shitty jobs. John jumps into action with so many things. He acts like he doesn't know how to do shit and he knows how to do a lot. He's extremely capable and he just sells himself short. He's just excited to blame the Chinese for his fucking hate him dude maybe you have long hand foot and mouth yeah long cover oh dude that's another like that's the other thing it's like nobody thinks about like

the long-term effects of any other virus somebody the person there was this like dear friend of mine that like she she like is like a nurse kind of and she like brought me a bunch of medication she's my sister's friend she's a really sweet woman she brought me a bunch of medication you fuck her no and then uh she brought me a bunch of medication and shit and uh like when i and then she told me like when i was getting better i was like depressed for a while after i got overhand foot mouth and she was like yeah that's a really normal thing. It's a pox disease I got.

Well, it's also an inflammatory disease, right? So inflammation has a lot to do with depression. Also, I was addicted to Benadryl for two months after that. Oh, yeah. That'll fucking rot your brain. Dude, I was taking Benadryl. Remember that? It makes him retarded.

Dude, my Benny days were crazy. I was on so many. Well, you're posted on Snapchat. Your Benny days. Got the pills. It was crazy. I was on so many. You're posted on Snapchat. Got the pills. I was taking two Benadryl nugs. I didn't know it was habit forming. You can take Benadryl and literally see the hat man.

People take Benadryl and they see a dark guy with glowing red eyes and a hat. Like falling. He has a name. Wait, seriously? Yeah, he's the Mothman of Benadryl. What? John was getting milked by the Hatman.

The Hatman was scared of John. It was the Sinister Queer. The Hatman was just like, this sick fuck. Wait, John. John, do you see this guy when you do pedodrill? Do you see this? No, I just remember a general... Do you see an Asian woman

underneath a giant man? That's coronavirus and that's hand, foot, mouth disease encompassing the coronavirus. That's John's body. That's my body. The hat man. Yeah, it just looks like The Undertaker show some to everybody

the undertaker i didn't see that but i ever see this evil rorschach test i did i had a benadryl addiction and like a back-to-back like a pseudofed thing uh yeah you keep uh you really love modern medicine to fix all of your problems it feels feels so good. I'm a serious pill risk. I'm a serious Augustine. I think you're smart enough to not get involved in anything. I cut it out quick. You're a dabbler. You've got that in you. I've done a lot of coke, but never

like lines. Oh yeah, you shouldn't do coke. It's all the fentanyl and stuff. Don't do coke. You're going to OD from fentanyl, dude. What are you doing? I haven't done it in years. I modern coke i haven't done in years but still when i did it it was fun john does coke because he thinks it's coca-cola yeah i think it's condensed coca-cola he thinks it's just like this is like it's like if i drank a coke but like snorted it he thinks it's the sugar that goes into coke you wait like you you have somebody else do it and

you see them do it then you're like're like, alright, let's see. Sure. How do you know how they're doing? Well, maybe wait a little bit. You're like a little John Mulaney over here. A regular Mulaney. John Knopf Mulaney over here. Oh, is that his thing? Yeah, he's a big cokehead. Oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, I would... John doesn't know anything about anything happening. No. It's very peaceful. Not knowing anything? Not great for doing a show you do. I know what needs to be known. I know what needs to be known. I'm a fucking doer, dude. Don't feel bad about this, Jace.

You need to know. I do shit. I don't know shit. I just do shit. Pile on, Jace. I mean, I'm trying to. I did think of the same coke thing, but I was like, we've run a... At a certain point, it's just a bloody mess and you're all just kicking. It's the cornfield.

Yeah, exactly. Touch it. That is so... We have to throw that out. We have to throw that out. Your spit is just full of slurs. Everyone's mouth is dry. I can see them. It's just a bunch of little tiny

note cards with words on them. No, I don't want to... Smell it. Smell it, homo. You smell it. Why would you even think of it? Oh, Joey, what are you doing? No, actually, that...

Why would you spill that? Like, I'm getting notes of cum. I'm getting sick smelling my own spit. It's just an odd smell. Is that cherry? Look at Chase. Oh, is that hazelnut? I legitimately hate it.

Chase is so disgusting. I legitimately... That's disgusting. I'm getting a little nauseous. That's really disgusting. I just got transported to 14 years old. This kicks ass, dude. Oh, it's like gray.

We used to, when I was 14, we would fart in an empty water bottle and then screw it up. And then you let it sit in the hot. This is how, this is how Diabolos, you know that guy in ancient Greece who invented that torture device? Oh, no, no, no. And then he invented a torture device. This is a long rambling story. It's okay.

He invented a torture device where it was like you get in a big metal no and then he invented a torture device this is a long rambling story it's okay he invented a torture device where it was like you get in a big metal bull and then um the screams they put under fire oh yeah the the screams no let me finish the screams of the victim inside the bull would go through a horn out the mouth so it would sound like a bull like roaring uh-huh and he invented that presented to a king and they threw him in the bull and he was the first person to be killed that way that kicks ass i did the same thing where i went i went to the most retarded guy on our basketball team because i wasn't gonna i wasn't gonna put a fucking bottle in my asshole yeah i was too busy i'm wanting to kill myself all day so i i

went to him i go i go you know be. What if you fucking took this empty water bottle, farted into it, screwed the top on it, let it sit, and then fucking sprayed it in somebody's face? Yeah. He's like, that's a sick fucking idea. And then we're suing up before the game. I just see a hand come out from behind me and a bottle and just hit me. And I was gagging on the floor.

And then our coach walks in. Oh, no. He's like, what's going on? He thought I just got gang raped or something in the mouth because I'm just gagging on the floor and then our coach walks in. He's like, what's going on? He thought I just got like gang raped or something like in the mouth because I'm just gagging and throwing up. And they just hang in the face of the fart. It was brutal. How old was it at that point?

At that point I'd say it was about four and a half hours estimation. Oh, that's not even long. We trapped a fart. I did the exact same thing. But we found out a fart stays in a bottle for like months. Like a genie. out a fart stays in a bottle for months. Like a genie. Yeah.

A fart will stay in a bottle for months. Like Macallan. Yeah. Does it age like a nice wine? It just still smells like a fart. It probably fades slightly. You start to cork down. But no, farts will stay in bottles for months.

I could see you South Dakota boys farting in a bottle, burying it underground. And then the last one alive has to go do it to the other one on their deathbed. We were one step away from that. And then we also, do you guys have bongo bats in Texas? For baseball? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. The little softer bats or whatever.

No, it's like a hollow bat. It was like a hollow plastic bat. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. The little, like, the softer bats or whatever. No, it was like a hollow bat. It was like a hollow plastic bat. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. For, like, kids. Yeah, for kids. Yeah. You could hit a ball really far because it was like a hollow bat that was, like, pressurized. Exactly.

Yeah. So it was pressurized because it was hollow. Sure. So being hollow, you could also fart into it. sure so being hollow you could also fart into it and so we would fart into it and we would do bongo bat farts did you have the little toy you remember it was like the plastic bazooka wind thing where it was like the it was like a little kevin can you pull that up real quick yeah um it was like a little thing where you could it was like a barrel what am i looking at this wide type in like kid that's the bongo bat that What am I looking at? That's the bongo bat.

That's the bongo bat? Type in bongo bat, Devin. Type in bongo bat. I swear to God, that's the bongo bat. Bongo beat comes up. Is it baseball? It's a thing to hit a ball. No, it wasn't that.

It was a long... Type in air bazooka kids. Air bazooka kids. No, no, no. It wasn't that. It was a long... What am I supposed to do? Type in Air Bazooka Kids. Air Bazooka Kids. Okay. Air Bazooka Kids. You're thinking of something different. Now type in Air Bazooka Kids. And it was like a long...

Like a fucking... God damn it. Air Zooka Air Cannon? Yes. Can you play that for the folks at home? Jesus. It's fucking music goddamn air zooka air cannon you might yes this is exactly oh yeah you know what i'm talking about so you can fart into that and then shoot it across your grand nanny's trailer my friend did that. My friend used to do that with like a little mini fan. One of those little fans.

Like the fan you hold. No, no, no. Like the one step above that where it was like the size of this bottle. Little desk fan. Desk fan. Yeah. And he'd grab it and shoot it. He would just do cupcakes. You just fart in your hand and then throw it in that guy's face.

That's a fart pie. Oh, we call them cupcakes. That's a fart pie. Honestly. You rubbing your glasses. That's a fart pie. Honestly, how is that a cupcake, John? That's how we call it.

They would throw it in your face and go, cupcake. Well, why would it be a cupcake? It's a pie. I don't fucking know, dude. More of a pie. Your friends sucked. I don't know. Your weird Glendale friends.

Yeah. Europe and Glendale, right? Yeah, Glendale. The Emerald City. The Emerald City. That's what they call it. Johnny, born to raise a Glendale. Glendale?

Yeah. Yeah. All right. Should we wrap this up? Yeah. Do we have a song i don't i don't really i don't know if we're doing a song this week is there john's gun corner i try to do the fucking naked afraid update tell us this is what should we say that is this the patreon and then do a real yeah tell us about about naked and afraid too offensive an episode no it was just

sloppy casual i guess okay no shot no no it had nothing to do with you jay i got i got denied about Naked and Afraid. Was this too offensive an episode? No, it was just sloppy. Casual, I guess. Oh, okay. I'm sorry. Shot? No, it had nothing to do with you, James. I got denied from Naked and Afraid because I said I was too crazy.

Did they actually tell you you're not in there? They didn't like my vibe and they said, the producer said I was giving... They said that? They told you they didn't like your vibe?

Not they. The producer told me I had a Unabomber in the jungle vibe and that's what they were trying to avoid, which I'm like What? That sounds insane. You're trying to avoid the coolest vibe?

Totally normal. That to me is like... Which is terrifying. Unabomber in the Jungle? No, but how is my normal Unabomber in the Jungle? I think you were trying to play that. I wasn't. I swear to God I wasn't. You heard me the entire time. We should watch the audition tape on the show.

Devin, did you see him do it? Devin, I had to leave. I was here for 10 minutes, and then I left. How long was it? Like, an hour? It was, uh... Okay, so he saw, like, a very small part. Yeah, but I was just completely normal.

It was just fucking, uh... They said you have Unabomber vibe. Yeah, I was being weird. I guess I'm just like naturally. I describe myself as mentally ill and I don't think they got it. Did you respond and say like... You know how people just use that as a replace term for crazy these days?

You know what I mean? Mentally ill. Yeah, just like mentally ill. And I said that and they didn't like that. Did you respond to them and be like, Hey, I was trying to play it up. Yeah, Joey's holding the ass in for notes. Yeah, no, it's fine.

Did you? No, I'll text them. I's holding the ass and for notes. Yeah, no, it's fine. Did you? No, I'll text him. I'm not out of the running yet. Devin, doesn't this sound like a good idea to text them and go like, hey,

if I seem too crazy, my bad, let me know how you want me. That's what George Clooney does in auditions. I 100% think he should keep trying.

I'm going to keep it up. I'm going to try for another. I'm going to try for another. I really want to get on 60 Days In. That's my goal one. The one in prison? Yeah, dude. So then you have to be a criminal to go on 60 Days In? No, they make up a fake background for you,

which I won't remember when I go to jail. I can't believe you didn't get on 8 and Afraid, honestly. It's like such bullshit. Fuck them. I think they want people with more survival experience. Dad was telling you about this. They said you weren't afraid i told him he should have pretended he had more survival experience or be like a dunce or play the that's what i did i was like i don't have fucking any they probably i'm telling you they probably thought you were too brave for the show they thought they thought my heart with too much heart yeah it's not naked

and brave damn it's actually really depressing i thought it would be like really cool if he got on i'll get on something fuck man naked and afraid we'll get you on uh we'll get you on lone survivor something really dangerous jace our joke we had when he was on naked and afraid you know how when they're on naked and afraid they both land and they finally meet each other our joke was that john was to start sprinting right at her. Full sprint. Yeah. Like a psychopath. The second I see blonde hair.

Like a horror movie. Like, get out. You're doing the T2 run. Exactly. Like, no fear, no emotion. Just sprinting. Stepping on rocks barefoot. Rocks and sticks and shit.

I'm, like, jumping over logs. Right. You're going, hello, hello. It's like fucking Apocalyptoo i'm just running through the jungle damn that's the that's that's annoying that's fine fuck them well we'll go to well the thing is if we if i did that we probably wouldn't have much time to do uh south dakota this summer because i wouldn't be able to take that much time off work are we doing that fuck yeah are we going to south dakota for the 100th episode i mean that's coming up in five episodes are we actually doing that? Fuck yeah, dude. Are we going to South Dakota for the 100th episode? I mean, that's coming up in five episodes.

Are we actually doing that? Oh, for real? I'll ask for the time off now. I will straight up ask for the time off now. I don't know if we could, like, I'll do it, but we don't have to do it for the 100th episode. We can just do it for any episode. Any episode. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's a great idea.

Alright, we'll go there sometime this summer. Alright, we love you guys. Thank you. See ya. Good night.