Hate Watch with Devan Costa - Shoulduhh

Episode Date: April 21, 2025

Justin Biebers latest crash out, the time he broke down in the hood, New York trucker gets tased and takes a dump in his pants https://www.patreon.com/hatewatchpodcast

🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 You motherfuckers, you motherfuckers. Next target hit is fast. Welcome to the show everybody. Hello. Hey watch.

Hello. Hey watch. Alright, what should we talk about today? Well I told you this, I told you guys this. My dad is now obsessed with Hey Watch. He listens shot every episode He's been binging it non-stop him and my aunt and my uncle in 2007 II this week and the whole way up there They listen to hate watch your cousins

Yeah, they love it and but I got some beers with my dad last night. Just two. He had to go home. You know, we all drove down here. Of course. What a pussy. Just two beers. He was really mad. He was so upset. My mom was like, you're done. He's almost like, you go home. I'll fucking Uber. I'll give a shit. I was like, dad, just go home. But he did affirm my biggest fear. He's like, dude, it's a great thing you guys got going there. You know, Devon, he's so quick. John's got the history knowledge, Joey, his voice, you know? And he goes, you know, you chime in when you gotta chime in.

Oh no! And I was like, I was like, thanks. I was like, thanks, dad, you know, two beers, and he's like, you're not that great, and then I go. Your dad's on the Reddit. I know, but it was so funny, because I was like, yeah, you know, I love it so much, my favorite thing, and it's cool, because I never expected him to do it,

and you know, I'm trying to find my footing. Like I find like, I think I'm like a way better standup than I am podcasting. My dad goes, it's not even close son. He goes, damn, way better standup than podcasting. I was like, God damn it, dad. You can pull the punches a little bit. You know what I mean?

Well, you've done standup for like 12 years. Of course you are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I go, I'm better at standup. He goes, not even close. You don't want to hear that also. Oh, motherfucker. He does sound like he's making threads on Reddit.

I know. Like he has fun building a new narrative. Like let me do a hate narrative on Connor. I'm glad that you're, at least your dad's aware of what's happening here. Like I think my dad just think, I think my dad thinks I do like the Bill Maher show. I'm not sure what he...

Neo-lib talk show. My dad like loves me and I love him to death, but I'm not sure... I think he's maybe listened in little bits here and there. And I hope it sounded kind of intelligent on any level. He's also a quad now. But he's also... No, he survived actually actually I know he's alive No, he started walking. Oh, he's are walking. Yeah. Yeah, he cuz wanna know what he did. Oh, I forgot

Yeah, you did almost died He scared a bunch of a bunch of children before he killed them and then he drank their blood So he had like good a dream. He got third. That'll do it. Yeah. Yeah No, but it's very funny like my mom and that whole side of the family listens And they like love it because they like they like have fun my dad my dad's like a fun guy but he doesn't get calm my dad didn't understand it was funny till like 22 well it's hard to get some jokes off when he's punching in the mouth Kind of muffling you

That's true. Kind of muffling you from time to time. No, no. That was one event, that was one event, and a couple slaps here and there. But he's not. No, no, man, I get it. I'm not too funny either when I'm getting my ass kicked all the time.

No, no, he likes me now that I'm not fat. Yeah, my dad likes me a little bit more now that I'm not fat. Your dad likes to fuck with you. Your dad's like doing fucking. Mind games. What was that movie? Boy Names Sue shit.

He's doing Boy Names Sue shit. Your dad does the substance. Connor's dad does the substance on him or whatever. Yeah, like body dysmorphia, like body horror shit on you. Your dad's like Yuri like Cronenberg. Can't wait for him to hear this. He fucks with you. Yeah, my dad's like a horror body horror director on me Paul

if you're watching is the Connor isn't Connor balding look at him he's balding it's sick and sad he's aging rapidly only I was bald he's also fat isn't he isn't he a fat fucking pig it little extra weight on him right now Paul and look at his hair they're like how he at his ball. There's a bald spot right in the middle right there. How dare you point that out? That's not it. You've always had that Ever been Backpack of my dad I pull my hair back and he goes, getting pretty far back there isn't it? I was like what the fuck dude?

Oh that's adorable. Yeah he's a sick man. Does your mom have any clue either? He's a sick man with sick thoughts. Oh my mom is such an angel, she like listened and then eventually she was just like, yeah you guys are cussing too much. And then like there was at the beginning she was like, they bully you, I'm gonna kick Joey's ass.

And now she doesn't listen but my dad loves it. My dad's like, I think my dad listens to it when he misses me. And then like there was at the beginning she was like they bully you I'm gonna kick Joey's ass My dad loves it my dad's like I think my dad listens to when he misses me yeah I get sure yeah, yeah, my dad's obsessed He's like in his like garage like working on little you know handyman things just blasting it on a JBL speaker dad's building a That's building a A pipe bomb. A big sex thing like the George Clooney machine heard after eating. Yeah man, that warms my heart.

Also freaks me out that they listen to like four hours of hate watch. Really freaks me out when you tell me that all these people that have lived lives that I respect immensely they've seen me say awful words and things just just wailing for a laugh. No one's making you say the N word, hard-arm. I've never ever said that. Right. N word costa. I don't go to South LA often, I don't say it. Devin said a Jamaican restaurant in Englewood going, hey dude, they call me Edward Costa. Hey, let me get those beef tips.

Wugwug. So they call it jerk chicken because you guys are fucking jerks to me. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Did they call it, did they, did they call it, Jesus Christ. They call it jerk chicken because you stole my bike, is that what it is?

You damn jerk. Give me my wallet back, jerk. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Is that what it is? You damn jerk Kumia just like I just think they're jerks. They're all bunch of jerks We have a lovely time we have a lovely time here and everything's silly Joey your family What is your family think of the show your dad that doesn't speak? He I don't think if like you don't have any clue what you do if I busted him listening to the podcast I would just lose all respect for like you bully your dad he's a lawyer no you flick your dad's tits shove him around my dad's a serious lawyer and he sits there with a furrowed brow and he goes like okay all right Joe what'd you say okay yeah gave as your friend is in your opinion

my mom listens or you know is really she used to we might have lost her at some point monarchy here this text me and tell me you're listening but i don't think she does anymore sure of course people have lives and come on dick one of the fliers there out there call from the to their thing you gotta go my favorite thing is when John's dad has feedback.

I love John's dad. My dad always messages me on WhatsApp and he's like, you guys should really do this. I'm like, dad, I've... The last thing he did, he's like, I can't believe you're not interested in the Soviet Union whatsoever. I was like, oh, you're really listening. That was cool. Oh, well, to you, to you.

He's always critiquing me. My dad loves you to death. My dad's very impressed with your history knowledge. Everyone hates my history knowledge. My dad loves it. Because I'm wrong all the time. But, no, and he loves that. Oh yeah.

You know what, these people who talk, that ground my ears. Johnny. That ground your ears. I think I've covered, and this is, I'm not trying to like shit on your actual life, but like I think a lot of your, I think when you jump to these, when you talk about history, you talk about it in this gleeful way that everything repeats itself in the same way

and we are all destined for a a Just a brutal hellish future ahead of us the path the present you get excited about it But I think you get excited about it because you look at it like a big excuse to keep flailing in your own life That's a crazy jump to conclude. That's insane. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You talk about history because you're a loser. No, I'm not a loser.

It's crazy. No. You're all over the place a lot. Devin loves to spin his narrative into narratives. Yeah, yeah. You love, every conversation about history, about what's going on politically always ends in, yeah, buckle up, because we're going to war.

I was totally- Like it's always like everything's ending. What if we're not done? What do you think is gonna be peaceful for the rest of time? No, I- I predicted Kobe. I was here telling you to buy toilet paper and you were like, you're retarded, and then you bought toilet paper and you're like, John's right. John has- I knew I should've-

Why buy toilet paper because you were coming over a lot? Hahaha! With your muddy ass. I didn't mean that insultingly, I meant like paper because you were coming over a lot. Hahahaha With your muddy ass. I didn't mean that insultingly, I meant like I think you You called me a loser? You didn't mean it insultingly? I'm not calling you a loser, you're an amazing man. You're not a loser, you're the forest. Flailing is somehow worse than loser.

John's, John Listen man, I live on the edge. You're like an airplane spinning out of control. No one more than John knows that John is constantly spinning 50 plates at once and the half of them have nothing I'm trying to get I'm trying to figure out those plates, but I'm also molded by History but then sometimes he does I will say he's got a fetish for the no great knowledge of history Astor no no Johnny. Yeah, I'm saying you're a great historian

You know a lot of history Yeah, but sometimes you go a little bit out of your like pay grade on history and you start going like Because these guys did this back in the fucking like in the 40s because it's gonna fucking happen So fucking bought dude. Yeah, get prepared dude. We're going to fucking guess one guess what faggots I got the microphone all the people complaining online can start throwing fucking podcast suck my dick you listen to me Shit about your poly side agree you fucking losers University of bum fuck nowhere Give me that shit. You waste time listening to him. You're not right about the war of 1812. Shut the fuck up

Queers get on red As you try to fit your fat hand Exact same size as Nick Diaz's hand That is a great glove, dude. No, but I do that too, John, with other stuff, because I'm not knowledgeable about history and stuff, but I do that with, there's gotta be a word for it, or somebody must have defined it at some point.

Being a confident cocksucker? That's the one thing you and I are both. Oh, sure, but no, I mean like, kind of like a fetishization for disaster, because then you get to be like, I don't, who cares? Nothing's gonna happen. I think we're all like that. I like secretly sometimes, like in the back of my mind,

I know I have a sick part of me that's like, I hope things get as bad as possible so I can just, fuck, I'm just gonna go buy a pack of cigarettes or a bottle and I can lean in to just die. We love impending doom when the fucking city was on fire, we were like, we gotta go to Black Cat and check on Will. We went to the same bar three nights in a row while the city burned to the ground.

The city was burning to the ground and I kept making up, I go, the air quality. Might as well get drunk. I kept going, the air quality is really, I literally told people with a straight face, I go, the air quality is really bad at my place and I know they have a good HVAC system at my buddy's bar. So here's the thing about the doom,

people may think I'm like a massive doom person, but the actual reality is, is like, there were four guys in a bunker in Berlin Talking shit while bombs are going off the same way we're talking right now. Nothing really like You know it's things get bad, but they're fine. Everything's gonna be fine. It's we're all gonna make it. It's okay Buckle up motherfucker. Everything's gonna be fine. Exactly. That's what it is Fine exactly that's what it is that's literally what it is everything's gonna be okay. We're all gonna be fine. We'll make it through Yeah, you know my grandpa polio Surprised the Great Depression you guys want to talk shit to the guy whose grandpa suffered through polio

Shit you know how hard it was put Jews in the oven when you have polio You fucking history expert cocksuckers, if you're such experts, how about this? You call in on the next page, you can debate John, and we'll see who wins. We should do a live call in, actually. Yeah, well, I wanna try that one time, yeah. You know how embarrassing it must've been for-

Actually, no, I don't wanna do that at all. No, not at all. You want that? We'll do it on a goof call. You know how embarrassing it must've been for John's grandfather when he was fucking working for the Nazis and and these Emancipated Jews are rolling him to the chamber and then he goes

They still the blanket over his legs You better not tip me over honestly that dude was built like a fucking gorilla after like they're hey Yeah, runs in the family doesn't offer body Rang it. Oh, yeah, yeah, probably eight family. Yeah, he has a he had the biggest up here these little eggs Johnny Bravo yeah, he's built like Johnny Brown. Yeah polio legs. Yeah polio legs. Yeah, and he was a Nazi Yeah, boy, legs. Yeah, and he was a Nazi One of the funniest things my grandfather ever told me I was watching fucking I was like 10 And I'm and I'm sitting on the couch next to me He's in his chair and I were watching this like videos like a newsreel of like Germany and there's always like gay German guys

Like those like sheer tank tops on they're all dancing the disco. I didn't know what a gay guy was I was like too young and I was like why are those guys like that and I my grandpa looked at me went well John we killed all the brave ones John that's how you make a John You know when it comes to the Holocaust when I was like a kid and shit It was you had this I think I remember being told by some fucking disinfo, misinfo guy. But like they weren't, it wasn't just Jews, it was like black people, disabled people.

Did they, how did they know people, were people gay that they killed? Yeah. Like did they know a gay guy? They could type all the way. How? Yeah, it's like just hide it then. Yeah, you're still not hiding it?

Tranny. You're still doing like- They're like, I swear I'm not gay! They're like, okay, get into the chamber. Yeah, they're doing like drag queen story hour. They go, they go, you're flamin' already, jump in the pit. No, a bunch of gay guys. You would also get ratted on if you were gay.

You go to like a drag queen story hour in Warsaw, like 1937, and you're like, guys, relax, enough of the fake- What's with the fake tits and all that stuff like they're gonna kill you I'll say we play in prison you're basically wearing Jews on your chest two luscious Jews on your chest no the fuck was openly gay at that time with a guy like Hitler there is like a rather than a quality that is time immemorial took the you know quote sopranos I think there is like an effeminate quality. You can't hide I think you could be gay be better if you're a if you were like gay Nazi I've been a lot of guys who weren't Nazis who were getting off you seem kind of gay almost all they're pretty gay

Yeah, I incite I think it's a nice group in or whatever the really vicious one There's a bunch of pedophiles and I there's one of the pedophiles fighting there pedophiles from the dawn of time yeah what's a pedophiles yeah pedophiles started everything can I tell you guys a crazy thing I saw I told you already but I was in the Vaughn's parking lot not much I wish I took a photo this is one of the craziest like visuals I've ever seen I'm in the Vaughn's parking lot park just put the groceries in my trunk another van pulls up not in a spot but like right past the Vaughn's sign like the upper right corner of it and the guy's like nodding off in his like front driver's seat like this.

And we're like, oh my god, that guy looks fucked up. And then he gets out of the driver's door, stands there like stairs in the distance, and then he unzips his pants. He doesn't unbutton the top button, and then pulls out a micro penis. Oh my god. And then points it directly towards his legs and pees all over himself. That rock. Like, taking the penis out was so useless he pissed himself. And then I'm like, oh my god, that guy's pissing himself.

And then I look up and his shirt said vodka is fun water. And I was like, oh my god. What's vodka is fun water? It just said vodka is fun water. Oh vodka. Like a novelty shirt. It's like his favorite team is the booze. So he just piss all over himself, vodka is fun water, then he gets back into the driver's seat and like cracks open his fucking tall can like this and chugs the entire thing.

And then hits the gas but he's in reverse and he starts flying backwards. We're like oh fuck he hit the brake and then he starts driving around the parking lot and we followed him for like three minutes. Should have called the cops actually. You ran into Drinkeris. It was crazy. Drinkeris. There's most, it looked like a fucking pinky, the smallest like.

What is life like that? I don't know. How does anyone? You don't blame them. If I had that penis I would get. I couldn't imagine a penis like that. I couldn't imagine life like that. That's so far from my penis

that I can't even think about it. No, I mean sometimes I got a good chub going on in the summer Well, I'm penis is I look at it before I get in the shower I go that looks good from here if I'm peeing in public. I'm fucking yanking on a little bit You know I'm batting it around a little bit get a little chub going for it I actually I go into the stall and I sit and I jack off for a second to get it chubbed up And then I come out and I take a piss next to a guy You beat red cock and you're pissing and you're like nothing like that here.

I have a really small- Pissing fully erect. My soft penis is very small. My soft penis is tiny. Mine's small. Mine's pathetic. Mine's small. But sometimes, I don't know, sometimes blood is flowing.

Oh sure. No, no, no, no. In the sauna? You get that sauna dick. I never do the sauna. Sauna hogs. Sauna hogs kick ass. Yeah.

Fucking, that fucking rocks, dude. Sauna hogs are sick. Sauna cock kicks ass. Sauna cock fucking kicks ass, ass. Yeah fucking rocks dude Sonakok kicks ass Fucking rocks I go through the group tech sometimes after a day where I haven't checked it and it's it's a lot of just like that fucking rocks People don't realize that John is always this He's always

He's such a beautiful human being. Yeah, just talking to myself in a group chat. It's beautiful. I love it. So autistic. Yeah, it's so autistic I'll just a group. I think dude this fucking door is like fucking not opening. It's ridiculous I just feel like and you're like, oh, I got a respond to a worthy one. He goes beautiful weather today, huh fellas You're like, yeah, I'll ignore that one too. Oh, you motherfucker. I appreciate when John in the morning goes, good morning, fellas. I'm so positive. That's really good.

You are, yeah. I'm so positive in the morning, and then it just is downhill from like 9 p.m. You start getting lonely and you start just texting, like, oh man, I did a push instead of a pull on this door. Yeah. He goes, what's up, guys, my shoes are untied. Yeah, can anyone come help me? I uh, yeah, I used to like narrate my life when I lived with my other roommates

They get mad at me. You used to now I just do it in a group text. Oh I have to piss my balls off. I just already got whole Saratoga water. Why are you always it's really good Okay, it's good water. I I believe yes go piss it's full of influencer really unprofessional piss on like 18 minutes into an epic this is an epic 18 where we're we were we're embarking on an epic journey is Justin Bieber gonna kill himself what's going on with him lately? I kinda, this isn't the most I've ever liked him of being honest. I know, he kinda rules.

He's dressing like a post-apocalyptic slave. I kinda love the Playboy Cardi type music he's been making too. Oh, I didn't know he's making rap. He's making very infantile, like, wah, wah, like, blinky. Wet ass pussy. Yeah, just like, ambient and him just like saying words

Interesting and look up like his live streams after this fucking hates the paparazzi right hates him hates him He's he's he's outside of cancers right He goes this is my impression mr. Krabs This is him outside of a temple money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money Who am I? He keeps saying who am I? Do you remember those, remember like a long time ago when Justin Bieber was like caught like in Brazil fucking all those hookers? No I don't remember that. Where it was like the hookers were taking pictures of them next to him in bed and they were like look who I'm with. Oh kind of.

Yeah of course a Brazilian whore is going to do that. Remember that video of him his car broke down in the hood? Yeah and they made him sing and do push ups. You never seen that? No. whores gonna do remember that member that video of him his car broke down in the hood yeah no after this will play the whole beaver app dude so John look at this this is this is Justin Bieber outside of a temple a Jewish temple money money money money money it's the paparazzi it's the It's the paparazzi. It's the Okay, I think he's awesome I really do well he's also a he probably is the most public I mean It's not it's a hasn't been said yet like like Definitively, but we all know he was raked. Biggest celebrity to be, like, pretty much known

to be raked. Pretty much known by who? By Diddy. Diddy. Remember when Diddy was patting him down with the Y? I mean, there's a whole coming of age journey of videos of Justin Bieber with Diddy. His day with Diddy, yeah.

That video, day with Diddy. Apparently he would go to those, the big conspiracy, he'd go to the Epstein parties and see the kids getting, as an appetizer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. like go to those the big conspiracy to go to the like Epstein parties and like see the kids getting as like an appetizer yeah yeah yeah yes money retarded money no people don't care about human beings. Go. Go.

Go. You're not a human being. I mean, he's still like so incredibly famous, but I genuinely think that if he like kept up and was consistent, could have been like Michael Jackson level famous. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

Well, he's kind of still that famous in a weird way. I mean, he's, but Bieber Mania, thatia that was fucking nuts. Oh, it's insane Yeah, I was fainting. Mm-hmm We looking at this is so oh my god, he was like an adult one I'm not gonna lie. I'll choose all at the 12th. Who's she going to know? Why is he saying it gay like? 17. He's not saying it. It's a girl.

21. 21. 21. 21. Okay, so go! Okay, so I'll see you. Good stuff. It hurts.

Just approve it. Oh, they're not making him. All right. They're making him good. They're not making him, but he did it instinctively. Yeah. It's a dog sitting and rolling around. Yeah, it's for his owners.

Him and Shia LaBeouf, imagine getting them together. That'd be cataclysmic. That's like a fucking Kaiju versus a Jaeger. Shia's the Jaeger. He's the Jaeger for sure. Take a picture. versus a Yeager yes that has the angle he's a yeah right here man Justin Bieber in a hood white boy seen that shit in the trenches

with the kid Kimo they're all in the car. That's dumb, watching this nigga grow up. Holding back the fakes as I would lay. I'm a fan of you, the rock star. Making it hard on me. Visualize a monster. Cause you're too bad for me. Shot that arrow on my head. I need you right near me. I try to maintain.

So don't mind if I turn away. Yeah. There you go. Yeah. That's right. Look at Bing Bing Bing. That's right. Oh my god. They make him play basketball What a day By the best Davis life actually every a final act raise my kid He raises a kid to 18, he's like, where the fuck is AAA? Guy walks up and he's like,

Because I know I pay for roadside assistance. This is ridiculous. My wife hasn't seen me in 18 years. Beaver hands the kid to the AAA guy. He's like, just get the battery and take this kid. Oh shit, Justin. Pretty sick. Oh, okay. Pretty good. Oh Shit pretty good You see I would kill to break down if I broke down in the hood they were just bludgeon me I'd be lucky Pierre and the heart If I was if I broke down the hood I would be chained to some guy's radiator.

I would be chained to like, like the, it's like Nipsey Hussle's killer's radiator. Trying to sing for them. One nice little nigga. And I'm like in the hood, I'm saying some stuff. And they go, shut the fuck up. Imagine if they go, that mouth do one thing. Now open wide.

What that mouth do, Costa? wide what that mouth do Costa your street name is lucky Pierre It's the big homie lucky Pierre You're not the big homie gay sex In a world of stations, car to car to car Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Oh man Yeah, that's a little homie gay sense I keep trying to imagine if I got, if I broke down the hood, what would happen to that What the hell would that be like?

I go, just take my ass! Take it! Spitless me already! If I broke down the hood, they go, no, they're like, we have a tire, we have a jack, we can. Fuck my ass already, get over with. You changed your tire. Here's how collected I would handle breaking down the hood and all these guys around my car. Collecting cum in your ass. It would be me getting off the phone with John and John's like, yeah, I don't fucking know, dude. I gotta go, I'm at work. And I'd hang up and then I'd open the door and I'd go, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh uhhhhh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh It would just be me, fucking, I'd be all shot up in the ass. I have so many fucking ass wounds.

I break down the hood. They just keep shooting me in the rump. They're gonna turn your ass into Swiss cheese. I am not the rump, no, Devo, no, not again. Shoot him in the ass. Shoot him in the ass again, no. No. One more time for me.

You home now, baby boy. I break down the hood, I'm beginning to car, laying on the the pavement sure in my back, and I'm putting my legs behind my head Like pretzel style porn style and I go just take me already If I was in the hood I would yeah, I would do the same thing I would look like a woman trying to get pregnant better. Yeah, where they did Rocking back and forth And I'm sassy too I'm like you won't pay child support and then I would like Schizophrenically go in and out of like I would like try to sing like cuz I would remember the Bieber video and I'd be like

But I would like do all these like weirds. I'd be like We got what's going on Like do all these like weirds I'd be like in the night We got what's going on So incredible. We got a bottom out caster baby. Bottom out caster. They go, you cool Justin, you want to see a surprise? They take it back and go, you can fuck caster. You chain to a rate. You go, oh a white finally.

I got a Bieber head. Welcome. Welcome Bieber. That's a community hole, baby. You can do whatever you want. It's kind of like a wishing well. So at quarters, you come on his face. You bust a load and you make a wish.

Come here and he come on his face. You do whatever you want, baby. Playing ball like that, singing like that. You come on you coming custom guy comes up he goes mr. Bieber it's actually my turn next but it'll be an honor if you take my spot in line fuck costa I'm just trying Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I go, not the front! Do the rub again, please! I know you're shooting my cock off! They go, we're making new holes, baby. Beba, you wanna shoot him in the ass?

Beba, you want a fresh hole? Let's make a fresh hole for Beba. Demarcus, I've sang for you for 40 days! Shut your ass up, white ass bitch! They go, Beba, you ever fuck a rib cage? Take power! You can ever fuck a rib cage? Take Beiber! You can now fuck a rib cage, Beiber!

They say you can now fuck a rib cage. I try to, I come, I try, I do a song that's a little too gay for them and I go, Super rich friends with nothing but pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, pay, I love it, I'm having a blast. Come on, imagine me tied up to a radiator in the hood. That's what would happen if Devon broke down in the hood. After breaking down in the hood. And Justin Bieber's honored to fuck him. Justin Bieber. They bring honored to fuck him! Justin Bieber! They bring Justin to fuck me!

Y'all tell me I can fuck Costa. I go, Bieber! Please! Get me out of here! He goes, shut up you white bitch! That's the new getting invited to the barbecue is you can fuck Costa. You get invited to the Costa. You get invited to the Costa train. You cool white boy, you can fuck you can bite of the cost of the cost of trade

you cool white boy you can fuck costa oh do you see you want to see a cop make a trucker shit his pants please fucking kidding me I mean Joey is it my birthday or what this is a gift that I'm giving to you guys for free we normally pay Joey for his videos where Where is this beauty? Hold on, hold on, hold on. I thought I sent it to myself. Here we go. These eyes. As an officer observes the driver of this semi-truck run a red light, he attempts to conduct a traffic stop. What he doesn't know is the driver has plans of his own. Not pulling over, he's got somewhere to go.

Just stay up there for me sir. Just stay up in your cab for me. I gotta go inside, I gotta go to the bathroom. Well you're not going anywhere right now. I'm not going to sit here and have an accident. You're not going anywhere right now until I get your information. I gotta go to the bathroom. This is a traffic stop. What is?

I'm deputy Weisfinny for the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office. What the traffic stop? I'm calling you over. No, you're going to give me the rest of your stuff or you're gonna get some tickets. I'm not gonna have an accident with you here. You ran a red light. I need your information. I didn't run a red light. Yes sir you did. Coming off the interstate.

It's not a red light. You can still go. You have to stop first. Oh he got him on one of those gay ass on-ramp lights. Like an EZPass thing. This guy's gotta take a shit so big I think he's coming over to the podcast he's getting my name's Sean is this guy fifth Mike Wow yeah I can see myself being in this position yeah Well you famously pissed your pants at the wheel working for uber I wouldn't shit myself I Don't know I don't even ever seen never had to take a shit that bad that I have to ship it always goes away

Eventually no I've not had a liquid shit knocking at the door And I'm like I if I don't get to the bathroom next like three minutes. I'm fucked well knocking at the door and I'm like I if I don't get to the bathroom next like three minutes I'm fucked well that's cuz you guys have I don't know fiber in your system my you talk about selling him husband one more fucking time I hold appropriate diary you don't say selling house to me every I don't do silly mess anymore because Joey's inward yeah it's an impressive word I don't do so he's like that's my word but no, so I've never had this because I have healthy, mild appropriate

diarrhea, but this guy has what some, he's basically saying like, I'm going to shit my pants if you don't let me go to the bathroom right now. He has trucker meth jerky shits And the cop is not letting him get away with it. Yeah, he has shits

that were impacted by the guy in the bushes at the truck stop. He's like, I just left the fricking stops. Devin struck me dry, fucking spit Mike Cove into my own ass. You go to the stops. Okay, keep playing. The visualization of a dick stuffing turds back into your body is very funny.

He shoves them back! It is how it works. Like when you have a trash can that's too full and you're just doing this. Yeah. It's like trying to get palm fronds into the bin. You gotta step, you gotta jump in and step on it. Okay, okay, come on, let's keep going. Alright, alright.

You're ready, no you didn't, I need your... I did too! I'm not arguing with you! I need your registration and prevention. Step on us. Okay. Okay. Come on. Let's keep Freaking brick and per oh those steps are scary You want to get arrested do you want to get arrested? You're the one that's gonna go... I gotta go to the bathroom! What don't you freaking get? I'm not gonna sit here with shit around my pants! Turn around! Put your hands up! I gotta go to the bathroom!

Put your hands up now! You tazin' me, there's a deadly toxin escaping from my body, okay? Bro, this is like Nature's calling here if the guy came out was like hey, sir. I really need that shit so fire that I'll be I'll be right back Here's my stuff. Let me go, please. Yeah New York you shitting to me I'm gonna give you a three turn around Listen to me. Turn around. You're not listening to me. Turn around and put your hands up. My stomach. I have a bad stomach. I'm gonna give you a kind of three.

Turn around. I have a bad stomach. Yeah, and I would have if you'd turn around. We're not playing. I can't move my shoulder. I can't move back. Move it back. I have an operation.

I just had an operation. He just tapped. Taser, taser, taser. First one didn't connect. Taser. You were taunting? Taser, taser, taser. Taser, taser, taser.

Taser, taser, taser. Taser, taser, taser. Taser, taser, taser. Taser, taser, taser. Taser, taser, taser. Taser, taser, taser. Shit, I just had an operation just first one didn't connect Is a so red demon dude what a piece of shit cops by the way these prongs seem to work about like thirty percent of the time might be hard get on the ground yeah he shit himself right then?

yeah yeah yeah. He did. Wait, who is he? He shit his pants? Are you happy? Well, now I took his shit in my pants. Put it behind your back or you're gonna get tased again. Look at my shoulder. Put it behind your back or you're gonna get tased again.

Look at my shoulder. Put it behind your back or you're gonna get it again. He's like, you smell like shit. My shoulder! All you had to do was listen. My shoulder, my underwear! Dude, the subtitles are so funny. He said, shoulder. Shoulder, yeah, the subtitles, shoulder.

My fucking shoulder! My shoulder! And my underwear! You should have listened. By the way, this cop uniform is What a fag is that their ear prongs You didn't I appreciate it. I feel a lot better now Thank you for real Thanks a lot I had an operation on my shoulder

Which shoulder? This one here? My right one I'm grabbing you on your left Imagine this guy going home to his wife and having, he's having like a, you know, Salisbury steak And he goes, baby I got taste and shit in my pants today and my shoulder hurts And she goes, again Harold! pants today and my shoulder hurts. And she goes, again? Harold!

Harold, third time this week you shit your pants and get tased. You might want to wash those undies twice, baby, cause Jesus, we did not shit my pants today. Harold, how many times do I have to tell you, stop getting your shit impacted by the orders at the truck stops? You got the long list as they fuck you in the ass, they shove the shit up there, it doesn't come out for days and then you get tased and it all comes out! Because baby, I swear, Costa wasn't even there to stop us tonight. There was a cop, he fucking tased me, I swear. They offered me Bieber, he just seemed too high class for me. Outta the way. Traffic 10, I'll be behind the pilot in the semi truck area.

Seven ten, look at that, shootin' his pants. I am, I am. Put your foot out like you are. Just get the fuck out of there. Just roll over, right there. Oh no, I'm sitting there, sitting on the shit. God damn it. If you would have given me a hard time, I would have let you go to the bathroom.

I had to go to the bathroom. I give you my stuff. I understand that. Listen to me. I have a bad stomach. You do not control the traffic. Well, I have to go to the bathroom, yes. You do not control the traffic. When I tell you that I need your stuff and what I need, you give me everything. He thinks that when he has to take a really bad shit it overrides It's the turd loophole we all know I've been sharing that helicopter landing at my line looking at all the soldiers

To be fair when the video started it didn't look like he was doing anything that crazy besides driving kind of fast. No, he ran a red. Okay. So, those are forgivable reds though. There's no cross traffic. You let that go. No, no. But so that initiates a traffic stop. That's a crime. The cops allowed to stop him. And then you can't run from a traffic stop because you have to shit. Officer, I saw Brown. You wanted to give me a hard time and then just walk off.

I gave you the book, everything's in there. It doesn't matter, you're not leaving until I tell you to leave. Where am I gonna go? I don't know, but you're not leaving. If I were a cool cop, I would have just escorted him into the place and stood outside the bathroom, honestly. What's he gonna do? No, I think you have to take, if I were a cop, I'd be like, okay, he's not gonna abandon his semi-truck.

He gave me his license and he gave me his book, which includes all the insurance stuff. You know who he is. You know who he is. If he, I guess the argument is that he is a trucker. They're infamous for doing meth. So does he have math that he's going to there's a good He's flushing math down the toilet He goes he goes can you believe that to fucking n-word shit my pants

You believe that to Edward shit my pants You believe that? Two Edwards shit in my pants! They're still in there right now, I can feel them! The Supreme Court says I have the right to detain you during the traffic stop. You're going to go to jail now. Instead of somebody I had to go to the bathroom. You don't know your job. You're in the best line. You're the Supreme Court of a guy who has to go to the bathroom. You don't know your job. What did he say? You're the best line. You're listening to the Supreme Court over guys who go to the bathroom.

A guy who is to take a dump or the Supreme Court make his way. So a bunch of bozos appointed by the President of the United States. You're listening to them over guys who's diarrhea. I got a bad stomach! You're listening to a bunch of eggheads in Washington

where I don't want a real Joe over here has to dump out Those eggheads in Washington Oh fuck You're going to jail for obstruction So go ahead and stand up for me Do they got toilets there? This guy's so retarded he's going to start referring to the cop as your honor. He goes, God, please be easy on me.

He talks in a way that if this was a movie the director would be like cut too much too much Yep, it's too much take it back a little bit. It's the only accent but that's that's these that's these New York I believe they're like they're cartoon characters everything he says goes Sure my big a pain the female cop rips his pants off and starts making fun of his tiny I just dehumanized it. You maniac! What a w- You're mine. Alright, we call the female officer over here to make fun of your tiny penis hex

and force you to shit yourself. The cop goes, looks like a Vienna sausage in a bowl of chili! He goes, aw, my dog ain't that small! It's 1078, we need a female officer to humiliate this guy's dick. This is ripping him off. No, no. No. Stop it. I got a small penis.

She's got a microscope. She's putting it on now. You see him hammered. I know it rocks. She pulls his pants down. I did the big thing. She pulls his pants down. She pulls his pants down. You seem hammered. I know it rocks. You wacko. She pulls his pants down.

I did the big guy. She flicks his tiny cock. His dick is like tiny. They like laugh at his dick because it's like fucking sucks. Dude his dick is like tiny cock like rocks dude. His dick is like covered in diarrhea. That's funny. It is funny.

Little diarrhea covered cock. I can't deny that. Diarrhea Flapping in the wind his little penis Flashlights no, I don't you smell like shit By the way, he's bleeding bad why from falling no from the prongs From the taser that connected those prongs. Oh, yeah There are little needles that shoot into you and they're supposed to oh my god, and so when they don't Yeah, so all the videos that you see where they try to taste somebody and they don't react to it It's because one of the prongs doesn't connect and so when all three connect it will take down anyone But so when only two connect why not just make one good one. I

Think that's probably a really hard design thing. I think like it needs three for whatever design reason Cuz I thought it just I thought it just kind of like like stuck to you and then now it pierces It's like a little needle. Oh what a nightmare. Yeah, they're dicks man. They're jerks fucking jerk bunch of jerks out of them operations you have a month ago anything on my pockets I'm just asking hang tight I went to stop him They let the gay nine9 units fuck him back. You're nuts, John. You're so moving. Wow, you really love that.

That's so funny to me. Then they let him go home. They go, you're done here. We're not pressing any charges, get the hell out of here. They go, we called it a slap on the wrist. Back on the road you're lucky you only shit your pants got raped by a dog How you really love that Some brain drop Let me spit some knowledge on you so he shits his pants than dogs fuck him in the air In this video he gets a rape back dogs

And let me give you this too, he got a small ass little penis. A what means penis. I gave you my information. I gave you the book that gave you my license. I see what I'm dealing with. I'm not giving you anything, I don't have to. I can leave. No, I never said never said I never said that Do they find drugs on him no, so he just needed to take a shit. Yeah, no these cops are actually Ready for me Spread your feet Spread your ass for me

And what is this, sir? It's... It's a perfect dry log. It's a? It's like a novelty swirly shit. That looks like Mr. Hanky. And what is this, sir? Bed, you're gonna freakin' stop me. No, somebody got gloves on.

Take him to the canines. Is this what our time has come to? Stop. They pulled a whoopee cushion out of his ass. This can kind of joke to you, sir. That's not what I said, did I not? That's why I was in a hurry. Stop yelling.

Now that you've calmed down, all I was gonna do was get your information. I gave you that. Okay, now that you've shit your pants and you're bleeding, we can talk. This really is a situation in which he was just, he was just too East Coast-y to handle. All he had to do was get out and be like,

sir, I gotta go to the bathroom, here's my ID, here's my wallet. All he had to do was talk to him, but instead he was like, the fuck you doing, you're following me! The Italian part of his brain activated, and he couldn't turn it off. He's used to other Italian cops who they just like okay, go take your freaking shit

Then I give you a ticket when you're bad. Hey bozo get in there Go take a sticky shit I'm not even gonna talk to you at this point Let me ask you a question. Just one question when you get a bad stomachache sometimes alright And you get it real fast and real bad You know when you get a bad stomachache, and you get tase in the chest you start bleeding profusely you shit yourself And you have a viral video You got a real fast you get real bad you never had that officer Jesus fucking Christ You got a real fast, you got a real bad. You never had that, officer?

He just fucked up quite quick, so now I have to take a shit. Good God, what a nightmare for this guy. By the way, we never get Jersey New York videos. That's why this is such a gift. Is body cam starting to enter the... Well, he's on the road. We are gonna have an amazing...

They're not from, I don't know what state this is. Yeah, I guess you're right. Yeah, he's from New York. gonna have an amazing not from I don't know what state yeah I guess you're right he's from New York he's from New York no he is saying like I don't know where this body cam is from yeah yeah you gotta get to the bathroom real fast correct yeah but you alright you were driving a 23rd 26,000 pound missile the way you came off the interstate. It's all on tape You're talking about my dump or my freaking No, I'm not arguing with you guys all right, you can tell to the canines back to the station, all right Maybe the canines will be here It's just the worst night of a

Shit himself You're gonna make fun of his mic up here. I believe I I think you and then they rape him with dogs I actually see what you're saying. I'm cooking up here. I'm cooking up office beef over here. You know, John, you're playing 4D chess right now. It's insane. It's kind of a brilliant. I'm like the Joker. With a bunch of simpletons.

It's a brilliant scenario you've cooked up. You've cooked up a brilliant scenario. I love that. Oh my God. John's crying about it. I was gonna give you a little citation. So funny to me. For the red light.

I was gonna get your information, get your phone number, and and once I verify everything let you go to the bathroom But when you don't want to give me anything listen to me. I let you talk Always drops the PCA at the end of the day because obviously you don't want to listen I'm listening all right at which point you would have gave me the information. I would have let you go in there I don't have a problem with that, but when you tell me you're gonna let me go, I have to let you do this I'm gonna lose my job. Guess what? Game on. It doesn't it doesn't matter that you had to go You are being can stop by a law enforcement officer at that point You are not free to do anything you want to do until the stop is done now

Like I told you had I got your phone number had you given me the information had you said sir? I did whatever I ran the stoplight and I was trying to get here to go to the bathroom I would have been yeah, I understand it No problem to get your information go do it and come back out and it would have been as simple as that But when you know, what does it doesn't matter? Did you not hear what I just said? You're not listening to me. Well, I'm not gonna sit there and have an accident. Well, this is the whole video turns He goes, you know what honestly officer? I've been I'm so constipated all the time. I appreciate the pace You clean me out

Better than anything could have it was like a lexative That was unbelievable. You know what actually officer. I'm gonna start getting pays more often I'm gonna buy one of those. I'm gonna shoot it into my I'm gonna shoot it at my fucking head But I'm on the crap. Oh, you know the scene in Austin Powers gold member when he's like pretending to be the fountain So he keeps drinking water so he can piss more. Yeah. Yeah. He's just on the toilet tasing himself Shit never stops Little backed up, you know a crazy thing I read the other day that it is it's a it's

like a fact actually because it was it was a whole it was a whole thread on people being like why do people talk about Taco Bell making them like sicker than every other fast food place and this like a doctor was in the thread he goes you know what it it what I've what I've come to the conclusion of it definitely being because all fast food can make you sick. You don't eat fast food often, whatever, but like people that eat fast food all the time that then he talk about and they get sick, it's because they have, most Americans have such

low fiber diets that it's the first time they eat beans. Propaganda. And the beans make them feel sick to their stomach because it's like some of the only fiber they're getting. That's so funny, because I don't ever get beans on mix. I just don't like refried beans. I love refried beans. I feel pretty good afterwards.

Yeah, I don't know. Honestly, what I think it is, I think most people are lactose intolerant, to a degree. I think almost every human being is. You're not supposed to be having dairy. Sure, dairy, yeah. So it's such a fucking dairy heavy, every meal is just covered in cheese, cheese sauce,

sour cream. Sour cream, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're gonna shit your fucking brains out. But like, yeah, the people that eat like the bean and cheese burritos, and we're like, oh, it's like, it's actually the healthiest thing that they've had. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, that's crazy. That's crazy that a

bean and cheese burrito is like the healthiest thing your average shithead is. He goes, oh, look at me. I'm a freaking Austin Metcalfe's dad. Why you kill my freaking number two? I was simply going to my favorite guy's

fucking press conference Carmelo Anthony I wanted to watch him talk about killing my fucking fun oh he's the son I wish I had I don't care I got two of them buddy the backups at home he's boring I got a backup at home, he was better. Hahahaha! Also, Taco Bell, I don't know the detail about that, everyone's getting Taco Bell when they're hammered also. Yeah, that's another thing. So it's like, yeah, if you have like 17 beers that night

and then shove Taco Bell on your thing, you're gonna fucking shit your head off. That's true, but people specifically always mention Taco Bell as being the place, or even Chipotleotle I'm like like Chipotle's always had and I've never Understood I've never had like bad stomach stuff from Chipotle never actually no It's also the Chipotle has that you know even like South Park did the whole episode on Chipotle ships and stuff And it's like it's because most people don't eat beans really yeah It's also the body's adapting so like if you eat trash every day for three months your body will be like okay

I know how to like shit this out, and then if you go from that to like a salad Yes, you will think don't get diarrhea if you eat if you eat like a rough thing if you go from You know the other way around if you eat like shit for a while, and then out of nowhere you're like alright I'm getting healthy this week. I'm gonna eat salmon and like like vegetables and rice you're gonna have horrible you gotta lean off like a heroin yeah you know yeah baby steps I will say regionally I think you guys will agree with this but like growing up here Tommy's gave everyone the shits more than I hate I never go to Tommy's Tommy's awful ruined me Tommy's Tommy's killed

me I never enjoyed I don't like chili burgers. That shit's gross Yeah, it is I want a man which I have a man which fuck me every time I had I never liked Tommy's I love chili But too too much a chili had a burger you read Tommy's yeah I have it's not even like I don't even know that chili chili is like good. Yeah Like I'm sure it has like coagulated like pace probably like five thousand milligrams of sodium. Yeah. It's like a coagulated like paste. Probably like 5,000 milligrams of sodium. Yeah. It's like horrific.

Yeah. I think their chili is good. I think it tastes good also, but I can't get past the idea that I'm like, I don't know what I'm eating. Well, it's technically not chili. It's just beef sauce. It's not, there's not like, there's not really like beans and other stuff.

I saw an Instagram reel of a guy making it And it was just simply this tube that he ordered of the beef and he put it into a pot and then adds like water To it like salt and pepper and it just made the exact chili from Tommy's you have to get shredded onions on top of it I think homemade I've done it a million times. Yeah. Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's tremendous. Yeah, yeah course Chili with chili with the diced onions and the end and and and the the cheese come on the sour cream And then you put a little mustard on

I'm having a burger! You'll have sex with a frickin' dog after! You get tased, you get raped by a German shepherd Then I got bottomed out by Beethoven! Then you get fucked in the ass by a Saint Bernard Then Kujo fuck me missionary! Jesus fucking Christ, when did for the sake of not rape me? Time then when you don't listen well when you have I don't know what your intentions are okay? I don't know if you have drugs you got a gun if you my intentions would have shit So I should got a warrant here. I don't know

Fingerprinted by the government doesn't matter you drive a commercial vehicle The government knows I'm fine this whole situation arrives. I wouldn't take it up. He's like bleeding to death Yeah, truly worst-case scenario This is what Bert Kreischer looks like on an average day Give us a photo of Bert Kreischer on the cruise and he's livers literally protruding out of his shirt You ever see that photo of birdcatcher on the cruise and his liver is literally protruding out of his body I almost thought that was like a fake picture. I've never even heard I didn't even know the liver does that I don't think we can even fathom the level of drinking he does. Well that is a Hernia

That was a hernia. No, I'm saying that when something's protruding that you're looking at that Yeah, the picture pictures insane a liver I saw a guy with a hernia take a shit in front of the Central Police headquarters And the hernia was the size the hernia was the size of like my head. Oh crazy Yeah, this photo is nuts though. Oh my god pulled up like is that that's not a hernia That's that's just a weird angle. That's so that's where his liver That's where your liver on that your livers right there. It's no I don't know that high. It's a high. Yeah, look at that

No, it's livers like right here livers on the right side like right there No, it's must be like how wire his pants that low also. He's got a massive hog. Is that just a fucking what? Yeah, what is that? Looks like he has a pussy. What are you talking about? No look at his? Is that a dick shadow? What is that? What are you talking of that? He has a pussy we talking about no look at his is that a dick shadow? What is that? What are you talking of that? What do you think his dicks over there Pants it's inflamed. It's an inflamed liver that can't be liver Joey that's exactly where it is. You're talking about that under his tit. No right here right there Yes, that bump right there.

I'll say no. We have a few doctors that listen to this pod. I was saying, I initially said this because I didn't even know the liver does that. He just swallowed a can of beer. He is like Homer Simpson. He goes, I'm saving that for later. He is Homer Simpson. He has like a'm saving that for later. He is Homer Simpson. He has like a crayon.

A slow release beer bill. He unhinges his jaw like a snake. Bird has like a crayon stuck in his brain. Yeah, like my password will solve that. And then it'll be, it'll release into my system. He'll turn into a genius one day. Look, it probably isn't his liver, but it's fun to say that. But what is that?

I don't know what the fuck that is. That could be his upper rib cage and not just an angle, but I don't know. John, Jesus is. That could be his upper rib cage and not just an angle, but I don't know. John, Jesus Christ, you have to piss again. Shut the fuck up. You're crazy. But, I don't know. I think Christchurch is funny. He's a legend.

I mean, he's not the greatest performer, but his writing is amazing. You guys watch his new special? Yep. No, I've been waiting for the right time. Lucky. I haven't watched it. I watched a whole review of it, though. I watched his 25-minute review.

It's funny how I won't watch the actual special, but I'll watch some guy on YouTube talk about it for 30 minutes. Is that Beige? I think it might have been Beige. I think Beige recently did one. Great work, Beige. Good job, buddy.

Good job, Beige. And then you said, I'm still going to go. You're not going to go. You're not in control of the stock. I'm not gonna throw the bail in my pants. Well, you did. Well, tell it to the underwear. You've been out of the ticket and been out of here.

So why didn't you just accept the book and my license? That is true. If he really had to shit that bad, he should have focused in. Simple as that. Sir? Simple as that. Well, honestly, don't truck drivers shit themselves a lot

if they're on a big long road? They try not to their best. There's a lot of periods of time where there's nothing to know where to stop. I feel like they might piss themselves more than they shit themselves. Well they have, like, they piss in the jugs. Yeah. But I think they're trying their best not to shit their pants.

That's what I was saying about the pissing and the shitting thing. It's like, it's much easier to hold a shit in. If you hold a shit in it just gets like better. It gets firmer. Yeah, with amphetamines too. I mean, god damn, it's all a mess. I guess. They're smoking meth. You get them? No.

I mean they're taking like that, you know, gas station energy pills and... Yeah, Rhino white monitors. There's no way that's nice. It's ruining your bowels. Yeah. How do I know? You jump out and you start to head away from the truck. Well that's why I came over to you. No, you were heading back to there. Well I came back over to you. Yeah, but then you want to head away from the truck. Well, that's why I came over to you No, you were heading back in there. Well, I know I back over to you Yeah, but then you want to get all shitty with me ah Bring up shit with me

You go to me. That's not fucking funny my fucking bench because I'm a pro diarrhea guy. All right So I'm husk is my n-word goes wait to Joey and Connor hear about this 2025 you say that about diary you want to fucking get Since he's bleeding pretty bad. Now these medics are scared of these. We can do it then. Just stick this down in here. It's like liability stuff. Oh they're still in him? Yeah. It's gonna hurt. Ow dude. I've never seen, we watch a million Taze videos.

I've never seen these like needles go through these guys. Well he's bleeding way more. His blood must be as thin as water. I just have a feeling this guy's got some sort of high blood pressure Look how red he is. Oh really he's beet red you think he has high blood pressure Shake his pants, beet red Give me a second I'll put another set of cuffs on you All right turn around for me keep your arm right where it's at

Yeah, this was the healthiest thing that ever happened to him. Yeah, for sure. They released air from a balloon. They saved his life today, actually. They made him shit. He was gonna sit on that toilet for like three hours. He was gonna have a stroke on that toilet. Even though he said he had to go, he was gonna get there and go, I can't, ah! Why the fuck won't it come out? Av it's come is the healthiest thing that he's ever six months yeah

last see you face bucking him is better which one this one you can't bend your wrist there you go he goes well then we're gonna zip tie you at the station and we have to let the canines at ya. You guys do a lot of things different there, here you go. All right, go ahead and have a seat. I can't fit in here like this. If you just lean back, it'll all fit in there. I'm sitting here sounding shit.

Listen, all right, here. How just lean back, you'll all fit in there. Sitting this down and shit. Listen, alright, here. How about you lose about 40 to 50 pounds, then you sit there. He goes, taste me again, I might lose 40 to 50 pounds. Taste me again. Taste me again. I got a log from three years ago in here. Blood on my tits, shit in my pants. What are you doing to me?

Blood on the tits. Blood on the tits Blood on the tits and the poppeltree hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe was black. All of this beer is disappointed. ass now this guy's a little disappointed like yeah it's a real mess I just wish it was black all this appears to go hell I drive it up on here but all this appears are disappointed in it in the house old guys standing around he's like yeah explain situation they're all just kind of like why did you do that yeah you should let him go to the bag you're a real fucking asshole yeah whatever dude I don't care I mean yeah you know me this is not where I started

trying to like play ball he goes like you haven't tasted the guy in hell over did you say you haven't tased anybody ever or something no I didn't say that they're trying to be play ball with her this suspect was charged with resisting an officer without violence. Release all charges, let him pick a tunk, get him out of there. He's had it. Can I tip their thing? What is resisting an officer without violence?

What do you get for that? Seems easy. It's a misdemeanor. This motherfucker lost his job too, I guarantee it. I guarantee you lost his fucking job. The cop? No, the fucking truck driver. Oh no, I doubt it.

For leaving, abandoning is They need guys they hire felons. Yeah Crud on the leaves crud on the leaves. I really gotta clear my ass now How does I I've been stuffed up in the summertime? I've been stuffed until the summertime, please Let me take a shit in this conical, Please. Let me take a shit right now. Right now. Cause I got some diarrhea coming right now.

And I thought you would wait. And I thought it would wait. Uh, black woman finally meets their match a Lispy homo sap. Hell yeah. Let's go. Oh my God. I guess I was on the fucking F train recently. Mmm. What you talkin' bout? What you talkin' bout? Fagner's wife?

What you talkin' bout, faggot? Come on. Fucking gay ass. What you talkin' bout, faggot? I love this video, I've seen it. I'm a fuckin' faggot. What are you gonna get? Yeah.

So what? I'm a fucking faggot. So what? I'm an Asian faggot and you're a black woman. What are we gonna do. What are you gonna be? Yeah. So what? I'm a fucking faggot. So what? So what? I'm an Asian faggot and you're a black woman. What are we gonna do about it? He goes, I'm an Asian faggot and you're bipolar I think? That's good. He also goes like, I've learned everything about myself by imitating you. So, uh, it's a match made in heaven.

Well this has been great cause like, you know, there's been a big resurgence of people watching the show Girls. And this is a great deleted scene. And this is a great deleted scene Man this is like Wendy Williams against her like her conscience Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe Yo like New York is not a real place. Yo his crash out need to be studied. That guy was like I need to take a shit. He's in the video. I gotta go to the bathroom.

He's everywhere. I just got free and fucked by the canine. Yo can the blackie and queer stop arguing I gotta take a shit. The guy's everywhere there's footage of 9-11 and it pans down to him, he's like I gotta take a shit! He's running into the World Trade Center and he sees the plane and goes, GAH! NO! He's in the background of the sailor kissing that woman photo. I gotta take a shit! He's jumping up and down like this, like, ooh!

The monk on fire, he. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.

Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.

Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Oh Jesus Christ just a train for a spaz. Yeah, the black woman's fucking Peter Rosenberg over here

Going to town black woman's winning quite uh, I guess I mean they were pissed off I guess she's winning play the one I sent you the guy like the city council thing. It's a good one right here. I Can't tell yeah, it is that one. Yeah I can't tell. Yeah it is. That one yeah. Here we go. This better be good. I think it's pretty good. Spann UCLA football sucks dick. UCLA football sucks dick. I like this one. He has a shirt on this is F UCLA. He's really mad he lives i think you know westwood or something that you know that the funding that goes to the football team uh... while i was so and one of them

after all and there is a giant bill that system principal i'm sure she's used to show and tell well this is telling show it's covered is that you about u c l a football but there's this whole record after all folks when you want to be a means that you've got that i a m that's a very sad and i mean you want money you need to save money and in order to save money you can't just throw it away after all you know i is the biggest one of the biggest misuse of funds but they've got friends in sacramento and they've got a lot everywhere and that's why there's no grand jury investigation

of the complete total misuse of funds yeah where i come from those people would have a new profession they'd be making license plates they'd be in prison but also your public comments and i mean so i think that that is offensive if you bring that up again i I will have you removed. This has to be an edit, Connor. Next is Mr. I wonder if I... No, it's real. No, that's real. That is.

It's real? Really? That's very real. God. It's real. They told him to leave and then he did. He had to leave. Well, but yeah, but was that... Did they... Mr. Green's... Joey, it's Mr. Green's... It's Mr. Green's. I don't know. Either way, I love that man. Yeah. We all do. We all love Mr. Green's, man.pan. I don't know, either way I love that man. Yeah. We all do, we all love Mr. Greenspan.

Okay. I party at his house. I love that thing he pulled out. That thing. That thing. Hey Greenspan, go grab that thing you love. Hey, imagine me in the hood. Meet Trap in the hood.

Oh my goodness. Well, how are we all feeling? Pretty good Pretty good here. Pretty good about it. You guys are my three best friends that anyone could have My three best friends that anyone could have Joey's doing that thing where he has to pretend the episode stinks cuz he's why cuz it was really good Yeah, cuz something's going on in his mind Yeah Why? Because it was really good? Yeah, because something's going on in his mind. Yeah. Because he's having some sort of intrusive thought right now.

He's poisoned into his system right now. Because he's thinking about some night from 14 years ago, and he's like, oh god, we stink. God, Ryan, I love it. No, it's good. It's great. It's a great episode. I love this episode. Yeah, you loved it, but it does this math at the end of every episode where he's like He was great as always tonight, but he does this weird thing where he goes like Oh, no, not me. I'm talking I'm thinking about you guys stink we Thought I thought I was quite good. I think you guys

John's canine stuff was hilarious. You know, you've kind of been missing you've kind of been missing a lot of episodes You might feel a lot of the loop. No, I think that my goof con stuff is carrying Con carried a lot of the patreon money Yeah, we went up 300 we went down 300 we went up Well actually that look at wouldn't be where we are today without goof Without the fluctuation of money that happens every single month Look at the graph dumbass graph looks like that every single month. It looks exactly the same.

Pull it up. Let's actually see about that. It doesn't look like that every month. So, yeah, it's quite a huge spike every GoofCon. So, it's pretty obvious. Hard to deny. But yeah, okay. You guys say it doesn't look like that every month. Okay. Imitate them, Joey. Because I'm a little otter, so I don't understand how data works. GoofCon has an obvious boost every month, but I won't acknowledge it because then Joey has a little more power over my order

desire to control the John and Joey and Look at the numbers, it's quite obvious. It's a huge boost. I mean you guys understand math because you're both little otters. I think it's unless you're there's like a point in time where your neck reaches a certain width, where you start understanding basic math. And then you guys haven't hit that yet. But no, it's quite obvious. I'll publish a thing. I'll publish. So I'll publish something online. I'll publish the graph Yeah, it's gonna be extremely hard to deny when I publish the numbers

But you guys keep stay with your thing. Oh Stay with your narrative. There's no narrative No narrative whatsoever. Well stay with you whatever you're saying And then see if you can keep saying what you're saying after the numbers are published. No. Stop bullying John around. Who's the king of the show? That's about to be done.

Stop bullying. You like you jumped in on shit and I'm tired of you. Joey, whatever Joey needs backup he goes, hey hey hey, Johnny's the best. You guys all are mean to sweet Johnny. So, we made a bare promise. Yeah, we made a bare promise. It sucks. Until ya, fruitcakes.

It's like hair in the same. What? Sucks until yeah, yeah fruitcakes Okay, it's a great shirt to it. What is that? Oh? It's great. It's really wonderful. That'll be the real boost It sure has a little bit of has to be Cars like I have to be I I I car didn't need to do that What the fuck is happening? That's crazy jump on him. How dare you? I had this how fucking dare you cuz I had this brilliant idea where I'm like I forced us all to do way more podcast I think you should jump on Connor right now Wait, what are you actually?

Connor you jump me back to me. So I'm like just give me Hey, Connor. You're jumping me over here. He's jumping over here. He attacked me, so I'm like just giving him a little back, too. How did he attack you? He had this genius idea of making us a lot more money. It's crazy. He's like, yeah, we had worked twice as much and we'll make twice as much money.

Oh, brilliant. Now we have to work twice as much. Hey, Steve Jobs over here. Got his money around telling people like, oh no, I have a masterful idea. We just make more podcasts and then charge more money. Oh my God, nobody thought of that. It did change everything. It did change, change a lot.

No, if you work twice as much, you make twice as much more money, of course. No, actually everybody. He was like Albert Einstein. To be fair, Joey, everyone acted like that would work for a month And then no one would care anymore, but people seem to love jock week, so no actually There was a thread on reddit. That was like oh, this is going to backfire they suck this will not work

But it's like anyway with the brain. It's like enough you work twice as much. You'll make twice as much money We're also geniuses Working though we just like have a lot of... No, we just have fun. What would we do on Saturday anyway? Once a month. Nothing. I'd get day drunk with you guys.

We'd meet up and hang out anyway. I don't consider this hanging at this point though. I get a lot of... It's like a false hang. It's like the worst job of my life. It's the worst job of my life. It's the worst job I've ever had. It's a false hang. It's a a false job of my life. It's like a word about where's box I ever had. It's a false. It's a false hang It's a false. Hey, how's it a false? What would you be doing what would you be doing without jock?

Are you sending us pictures of your eggs and a cup of coffee? What a lovely day? I love doing that and you can trash me all you want Yeah, I this a false hang like it's like a doppelhanger You know what I mean? It's a doppelhanger, right? So this is imitating all the reality of a hang without the actual thing But I will enjoy this don't get me wrong

This is the easiest job I've ever had It's the best job ever But it's a bit of a doppelhanger It's not a true hang It's a bit of a doppelhanger Not a true doppelhanger Very interesting This is sickening to me What a ridiculous thing to say I'm sick to my fucking stomach here and there Yeah, because you're getting filthy red jobs It's not a true hang. It's a bit of a dumb. Not a true double hanger

Cuz you're getting filthy red job That's cuz you know, it's the truth and they hated me for speaking the truth the same way they hated Christ. Yeah Yeah, they do they hate John for speaking. Well, Josh just upset He's still upset about that like like two three weeks ago and he didn't when he didn't understand the messages No messages when he didn't understand one or miscommunication where he Thought we wanted to record like seven episodes in a day Whatever the fuck he was talking about Because John had John had plans that day to like, you know. Go grocery shopping.

Go grocery shopping. He's like, I need. I run errands, I'm sorry. Sorry dude, I need potatoes. I love that. I have to set boundaries. Attempt to switch the dog pile. That was so long ago.

But that was a good attempt. That was a good attempt. I, it was too long ago though, so I'm still with John. Yeah. I haven't done anything retarded in the last two weeks so so You guys are right you guys you don't like doing the show, and it's bad. I love the show What are you talking about? I'm most dedicated guy here. It's our John has not real. I got these jet setters over here You know I'm over here every fucking week. You know oh god now. I canceled a whole week

Oh god, now I canceled a whole weekend. It all turns, everything ends tonight. I'll have you know, I canceled a whole weekend of shows to be here. Oh, he did, he had shows tonight, he canceled them. I was supposed to be somewhere tonight, tomorrow night. He was at a comedy club actually. Getting paid for comedy. Like a paid gig. And I said, no, I can't do that to my boys. Not one of his usual loser shows.

Well, I'm glad the jet set guilt is set in. By the way, getting paid for a gig, getting paid for a for a gig John you work two nights a week at your bar three and you pretend you have a job It's it's John does act like he like protects the president No, I have a full-time job John and you're absolutely nuts for calling me a jet setter We work when you sit there doing nothing all day work my fingers as a damn Joey works his fingers to the bone every fucking day He lets me into the gym in the middle of the day And then every time I ever ask him to hang out he hangs out

He works his ass off Yeah I'm glad you guys corrected your behavior He's like in the boiler room this motherfucker Joey has such a strict fucking job if he were to ever miss time Nothing would happen. How dare you? And Joey you're sitting there sleeping at the wheel. You're living in your little office, buying you.

I don't sleep at the wheel. Meanwhile, meanwhile, Joey works his ass. I could come over after the gym. We could get dinner and drink all night, and he answers a couple things on the computer, and we end up having a great night. It's called a real job, motherfucker. On a Tuesday.

It's called a real job, dumbass. It's called being industrious. The whole business relying on me me John says there twice a week He goes I guess I show up to this friggin bar did and I fucking choke out a homeless guy. That's hard No, it is true. No joke. I'll tell is is hard. Yeah, but you don't have to and it's quite sick. It's quite sick I Know this is very entertaining This is the best yeah, it's a good main

What Yeah, and so with your crazy BS, you know. My crazy BS. Yeah, yeah. Being a phony at this job. You know, oh, I bartend two times a week showing my big chow-trips. I mean, I didn't, it was really disrespectful that he called it a fake hang. That's like insane.

It's crazy to me. I just, see, here's the deal is Devon's trying to hold on He's on called it a fake hang because he's not the center of attention Suckers I do talk about comedy all fucking night. I don't know about deep-dop Dewey That's my favorite comedian, Deep Dopp Dewey. I fucking dare you say that. That's why you hate that. No, no, Devin's mad now.

You ain't comedy talker, this side of that you. The fanbase and the money depends on them thinking it's a real hang. When they talk about comedy, it's exposed. I'm the man behind the curtain. It's a great hang, it's always a real hang. We're not actually friends. You're disgusting me, I'm sick to my fucking you know what actually you lately have been making that very very Leret you leave the second we finish the minute we finish and those three real friends. We hang out all night

Yeah, I'm going to hang out with your fucking we will harbor girls You leave we watch it get poisoned while you're off fucking running air and sleeping in an office You guys ever notice that yeah, John doesn't like hanging out with us after the show because it's not all about like what fucking... Unless he can... What milky putting his coffee in that morning. Unless he can monetize our conversation, he's fucking out of here. He's a sick man. It's sick.

And you know what, John? That doesn't kick ass. Yeah. You're turning your friends wrong? Doesn't kick ass. I'm glad the dogpile... It actually... It actually unkicks, man.

And actually, you know what? That doesn't rock. No, it doesn't. I'm glad I'm kicks man. Actually you know what? No, it doesn't I'm really happy the dog pal got off Connor now. It's on me and the dog pal was on Joey And it was on Connor now. It's on me right now You've caught on now. We want is for you to like to like be you want me to fuck you you've wanted me to fuck you since I was 21 Let's turn it on him now. Devin's gay. He wants to fuck you.

He wants you to bedroomize. He wants us to fuck him. He gives you bedroomize. Don't do this false fuck. Don't do the false fuck. You're doing a false fuck. Fuck me, faggot. First a doppelhang, now a false fuck. He's a little out of it Will hang now false fuck

You till you love me you faggot No, but I will we can't say say right now we just know I thought we couldn't say these words on the main pepperoni No, these words these words I thought we couldn't say these words on the main pepperoni nipples Yeah, you love my pepperoni nipples you want to put them on pizza and eat them mm-hmm fuck cuz you're fat He's he's he's squirming right now. You're flailing like a little worm that you eat out of an apple You can't wait for my wormy body to pop out of an apple Let's end this you're putting on top of ice cream

I'm done Yeah, you're done aren't you you're always fucking done Connor what about me? John says it's a fake aim because we're actually like, cause there's like a little bit of thought into being funny like every second as opposed to a hang word word. John gets the stare. He doesn't understand like perform. I don't get hilarious on his own.

I don't know why we have to talk to these things. It's like a fake aim dude. Cause like sometimes it like has to be like good. It's fucking weird dude. Why is there a computer here? Why do I have to talk to these things. It's like a fake hang, dude. Because sometimes it has to be good. It's fucking weird, dude. Why is there a computer here? Why do I have to talk into this stuff? Oh.

Yeah. It's like Zoolander here. I go, what is this? Is the hang? Why are we in this room always? The hang is in the computer? What? Why are we lighting ourselves?

The lights are on because the hang is in the computer. Who's that? Very good. Alright. Well, God bless you all, folks. I love you guys. We love you to death. But you didn't have to suck me off. Cup the balls and stroke the shaft until I come in your mouth.

That was pretty good. God, you have to, that's a man, that was a girl. That was really good. I did cut the balls and struck the shaft until I come in your mouth Now you just some gay guy that I used to blow come on the leaves Come on the leaves leaves credit on the leaves credit Come and you fucking you know you to take it crud on the leaves. Oh my god on the leaves credit movies Well, I was saying come and then you fucking you know, you need to take it crud on the leaves Um, so anyway, uh Carmelo Anthony's Holy shit John checked out we gotta go. I'm checked out. Yes, so he has to leave and check out. He doesn't I don't actually love this game of dogpiling trying to figure out how to dogpile Yeah, exactly who goes to like anything didn't stick with Dev. What does John have to live? For what? What do you got there? I'm gonna go hang on my lady tonight

Nice, you know, sir. You don't see her every day. No seems like you see her every single day No, I see her on weekend. What the heck? You know, why don't you her every day? No. Seems like you see her every single day. No, this is like I see her on weekends. What the heck? Why don't you see her every day? Because I'm not seeing her every day. She lives in town! Yeah, but I see her like three times a week. WHAT?! Okay, this is insane.

What the heck?! Where is she on weekdays? At work. We're in town Get him get scumbag get him all right well I tried the I tried All right We're all very upset at you