Hate Watch with Devan Costa - Skeleton Vin Scully

Episode Date: August 22, 2022

Joey pleads for pussy, we riff on an alt-hipster bar acting like down south psychos and then finish it up with Andrew Tate being banned from IG and other bullshit Get weekly bonus episodes: https://www.patreon.com/HateWatchPodcast Join the Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/hatewatchpod/ Available on all platforms. Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/hate-watch-with-devan-costa/id1459356319 Follow the pod on Twitter: https://twitter.com/Hate_watch_pod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hatewatchpod/ Follow on Twitter: https://twitter.com/devancosta Follow on IG: https://www.instagram.com/devanjamescosta/

You guys ready? I'll just pull the wire into my dick. You guys fucking ready? Let me get amped. Joey, go! Wait. Be funny, now! Okay, start it back over.

No, no, no, just go! I'm freezing up. Like a deer in the headlights over here. Maybe we should restart. All right, fuck, let's just do it next week. Let's get out of here. I'm tired. I'm tired.

I'm tired. Maybe we should switch this thing to a monthly, you know? It's a bit much. But we do an eight hour once a month. Once a month, we're here for eight straight hours. Like it's a job. Yeah. Confessing to like horrific things by the seventh hour.

It's like, listen, I didn't see the kid. He ran out in front of my car. He's on a damn skateboard. I was fucking skateboarding. You know, at that time, I really wasn't a big fan of skateboarding. He was jogging at night wearing all black. Michael Clint.

Yeah, you just you start to disrobing like that one lawyer going on that big. I feel washed new, Michael. I'm baptized in the new religion. Yeah. Joey just wandering a field with a big bag of baguettes. Just ranting about corruption. But you really just want to get

like 18 year old farm pussy. Oh yeah, we should. Why don't we do this announcement right at the top Joey. Oh, for me? There's been a lot going on recently and Joey he's got some serious serious news. This is actually, thank you, he's got some serious, serious news. This is actually, thank you for reminding me.

Of course, of course. So, on the last two episodes in a row, on the podcast, I've made big announcements about, if you're a hot chick, contact me on Instagram for sex. Yeah. We've been here for it. What's so funny? I was thinking of something else.

you thought I said. But anyways, seriously, what ended up happening was 20 or so, 30 dudes

contacted me. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Fat dudes, Mexicans, and... Oh, okay. Fat dudes,

Mexicans. Fat Fat dudes Mexicans Fat dudes and Mexicans Maybe throw What makes up this country Maybe throw in another race That you're mad at To just not throw it all on Mexicans That was the demographic

Any Cambodians I'm not saying anything Against Mexican people That's who hit me up Okay But so anyways I'm at my wits end And

If something doesn't give I'm at my wits end and if something doesn't give I'm quitting the podcast on this one this is my last try this is my last try if you don't get any pussy from the podcast in the next week Joey's quitting the podcast

if I don't get pussy this is a message in a bottle to all our female listeners you're making a goof out of this. I'm not. It sounds like you're trying to do a joke. Is it not a message in a bottle? It's very interesting, this tactic.

Dirty, dirty, cry for help. To strong-arm women in an auditory way. Whoa, whoa, whoa, strong-arm? He's not strong-arming. He's mentally strong-arming women to come fuck him. So he can continue being on the podcast. Yeah. He's putting strong-arming. He's mentally strong-arming women to come fuck him. So he can continue being on the podcast. This is the most vulnerable I've ever seen, Joey. Yeah.

He's putting himself out there. Joey's very vulnerable today. He also keeps talking about how stinky he is. He thinks he smells. Well, so what happened was Devin cornered me this morning, and he's like, oh, let me come over and use your gym, because he's a bum. He doesn't have access to his own gym.

He's a gym hobo. Yeah. He won't pay money for any of his own. No, he uses everybody's things. He's a gym weasel. Planet Fitness is like $10 a month. Yeah, he's a gym weasel. Yeah, Planet Fitness, it's full of fucking homeless people and shit.

They're all just washing up in the bathroom. Planet Fitness, I'd rather work out at a Starbucks than a Planet Fitness. Go work out at the playground. Yeah, I'd rather work out at a Starbucks than a Planet Fitness. Go work out at the playground. Yeah, I'd rather work out at the park. Like those black guys on YouTube? Yeah, or those guys at the park. It's like a 90-year-old Chinese man or a fucking gangbanger.

Yeah, a gangbanger doing the push-ups where you go above the bar. Get like a 24-pack when he's 60 years old. Yeah, you figure he's 70. He has a big white beard and a six-pack. And he's always screaming like, you don't need no gym membership to get this shit. You don't need no membership. He's in extreme poverty.

Poverty fitness. I'm crushed by the system. I got cut in a cell. He has a whole like street routine where he's like, here's how you do it on the sidewalk. But anyways, so Devin, a user, a known user, as his Uncle Stan always says. You're a user. A manipulator. Devin, you're a user.

He's a groomer. He grooms friends for their gym. Exactly. And so I said, I'm grooming Joey. The whole friendship was set up for me to finally get into a gym for free. You're the Ghislaine Maxwell of gyms. He's like the Kaiser Soze

of setting me up for a gym membership. He's going to walk away at the end of this and not even be funny. He's just like, I got you. You're dropping a coffee mug full of pre-workout. Yeah. So you're sick of the Mexicans in your DMs. Mexican men.

Look at this dirty pervert, Devin, who I won't even go into the kind of creepy stuff that I saw him do today. A lot of perverted and weird, weird stuff. And I've got the best manners out of any of our friends. Guaranteed. But so I said, De devin you can't use my gym i'm walking and i have to go home and shower and i got a whole routine you can't just

interrupt my life to use the gym whenever you want and he said i don't care he said he said if you want to be my friend he goes if you ever want me to talk to you ever again you'll skip the shower you'll come, and you'll do the podcast. And so I couldn't shower. And if I stink a little bit, I showered yesterday. I actually just came from the gym as well. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Cool. Planet Fitness. Nice. Oh, really? I'm doing the really, I'm starting working out again so I don't get, like, anxious. Yeah, it's good. It's good. I'm doing the old guy workouts where you just put the treadmill on, like, 3% incline. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, this is it. Yeah, that's the health It's good. I'm doing the old guy workouts where you just put the treadmill on like 3% incline.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, this is it. This is a workout. That's the healthiest way to work out, honestly. That is the healthiest way to work out. I used to just take walks, you know. Well, this is up a hill. You do a little incline.

Yeah. Do a little incline. And then sometimes it gets tired. I put it back down for a while. Yeah. Hey, you got to do what you got to do, you know. It's the plan of fitness. So back to my cry for puss.

Sorry, yeah. Joey, let's go. Desperate for puss. Yeah, no, we gotta get back to talking about walking. You know, sorry. Sorry, Joey. A guy's sitting here spilling his heart out, and Devin's like, oh, let me talk about how I used to walk.

Yeah, wow, you can walk one foot in front of the other. What a fucking idiot. Yeah. Insane to bring that up in the middle of what I was saying. I'm sorry. But, so, how do I even spin this now that you fucking soured the whole thing?

You poisoned the well on me. You poisoned the damn well. But, so anyways, I'm quitting the podcast if I don't get puss off this message. What's the time frame? How long do they have to send you messages? To next week. People listen to it throughout the week.

48 hours. 48 hours. It doesn't come. Wow. This man needs to come. This is like speed. By the way, I have chicks. Well, I don't want to say that. The episode doesn't even come out until Monday. So we have like 40. By the way, I have chicks. Well, I don't want to say that.

The episode doesn't even come out until Monday. No, no, no. So we have like 40. By the way, no, from Monday.

But you're not even going to give yourself a chance. From Monday, 48 hours after. You're hitting a stopwatch as soon as the episode comes out. So by Wednesday. When it goes live, I hit a stopwatch. Tick,

tick, tick. And then, I'll never talk to Devin again. If I don't get laid in 48 hours. So a woman's got to watch the whole podcast. That's two hours right there. Got to buy a plane ticket, fly out to LA.

Maybe she lives in LA. Or maybe she lives in LA. Maybe she takes the bus. How soon do they have to be in front of you? Also, she has to be a niner or higher. Yeah, drenched in front of you. Yeah, how soon do they have to be drenched in front of you? That's another stipulation.

They have to be drenched while I'm fucking them. And what do you want them to say? Like, take me? Like, take me, big man. Oh, take me. Take me, big man. Is he like a perv? Joey, you're so strong.

That's why I was saying he's a perv. That's why I don't even... He's the strongest man in LA. Take me. That's why... I might quit the podcast anyways if he's gonna be a weirdo. Do you need them to be all like just their legs out in front of you just going like

I love you stinky body going. He's like trying to wreck this for me. I mean, I feel like some women would be into that. People love this. Yeah. Women love this. That'll help you get the women. Like if you say like, oh no, I want a woman to like get a whip and hit me and like, you know, call me a piece of shit piece i'm gonna go home

joey joey come on the pussy will come in come on boy it's rough to watch you. How do I even go back into it? Because I wasn't even finished. Okay, keep going. I'm sorry. I apologize. So, no, you don't have to be squirting or drenched or whatever. You're just in this for the conversation.

No, but have... Be nipping out. Okay. Okay, you need to nip a little bit at least. To be a double D? A little bit of wetness. Oh, double D? Double D or higher.

I'm behind that, yeah. Do they have to be double D? Is that a requirement? Are you going to, like, get a measuring tool out? Yeah. Let me see that bra. I'm going to have a Taylor Winfrey. Like a slave owner dealer?

You have an old Italian man? Yeah. I'll have, like, a Taylor. I'm Mr. Joy. This is only one D. I'm the speaker. I go, not looking good, Costa. These are C's at best, Costa.

I go, get the hell out of here. It's like a supermodel. You're just like, boring. You're checking her gums. I go, do you even listen? Do you even listen? But no. Do you even listen?

Will you take bolt-ons? Big fake tits? Yeah, like fucking. Or do they have to be all natural? Like a fembot? Like, can they have fembot tits? Where they barely move? Yeah, they're just like round circles.

Just round circles and they shoot people. Joey? I hate you guys objectifying women like that. It's actually making me sick. I know. I might go home. I'm not kidding. Really?

I'm being serious. Bolt-ons is what you said about a woman's body? All right, I'm sorry. You're right. Sorry. We all been watching a little too much Andrew Tate. Yeah. That's what, yeah.

So chill. You're the anti-Tate. Yeah. Because I support all women. You are extremely horny lately. It's crazy. First of all, I don't even. Joey will like look up at the clouds and be like,

look at that. It looks like a pair of tits doesn't it look at that cloud that's not true that's not true at all and anyways I think I'm done with this

I've put it out there 48 hours after the release of the episode nobody hit you up last week after you made your announcement

yeah haven't you gotten laid off the podcast before yeah he's been killing it. Yeah. You know who hit me up? A guy named Nain.

So here's what happened. Nain. I got a bunch of people that just followed me, and I checked all their profiles. I'm like, all right, hot chick, no. Is that a hot chick? No. All fat guys.

Why were they hitting you up? Gay guys, you're saying no they're no they're not messaging me they're just like they must have heard they were just like hey brother follow me we like we like the podcast i thought they were hitting you up there like heard your sex announcement like i'd love to get in on that brother i got hoping to make some exceptions for a message request because it's a private profile and it was name and i'm like is that a man's name or a woman's name i don't know and the message was like hey i was born and raised in koreatown and like i heard an episode you're you lived in koreatown it's so crazy um next time i'm in la let's hang out

and i'm like this is it this is a hot chick with double Ds. Nine are up. Right. And then I requested him back, and it was another fat Mexican. Oh, no. Oh, my God. I mean, I'm sure he has double Ds. God, everyone in the nosebleeds at Dodger Stadium wants to fuck Joey.

What, you don't want to titty fuck a cholo? You don't want to titty fuck a man named Horatio? Who has a sweatshirt with Vin Scully's skeleton on it already? He could wrap your dick in it. By the way, this is the funniest thing ever. I was walking at the Olvera Street Marketplace. Yeah, yeah. And it's just like a great Mexican marketplace where they have like a bunch of stands

where they sell whatever, like, sarapas, and, you know, you know, what are those? Maracas. Well, sarapas and maracas.

They sell whatever, everything. Mexican stuff. Tambourines, tacos. Mexican stuff. Yeah. But they were selling, there were these Mexicans

selling Mexican stuff. No, I, catalytic converters, Honda Civics. It's one of my favorite neighborhood by the way. Just a guy going, Mexican stuff, Catalytic converters. Honda Civics. It's one of my favorite neighborhoods by the time. Just a guy going, Mexican stuff, $5. Mexican stuff. He's grilling a catalytic converter.

He's putting mayonnaise on it like elote. Mexican stuff. We have sombrero with Iliote sauce In the mayonnaise Mexican stuff Five dollars In that San Andreas font

Mexican stuff Spray painted onto a sign But so They were selling t-shirts Of Vin Scully as a skeleton. Really? Already. Well, it's because Mexicans are obsessed with death.

And Vin Scully. They're like, Vin Scully is now spooky. My tia was haunted by Vin Scully at our old abuelita. I swear to God, myuelito fucked me in scully last night he was in our adobe which is a traditional

home made of clay everything Mexicans can't wait to turn you into a skeleton they're obsessed with that shit he's just like

Coco he's a picture of Kobe but he's a picture of Kobe But he's a skeleton Donkey Cause he's a dead Because that's He can only understand death

In like a cartoon But his eyes have that Aztec design on it But he's a skeleton But he's a skeleton So Joey What else What else did you see out there

Oh they were selling A hoof that you could drink out of like a yeah like an animal hoof like a the bottom of a cow's leg like uh under the knee to the hoof with the first like it's those long drinks and mardi gras it's like a mardi it's a hurricane yeah it's a hurricane with the little lanyard around your neck uh but yeah it's like a hurricane. Yeah, it's a hurricane with a little lanyard around your neck. But yeah, it was like a real hoof. Yeah. And with the fur on it, still. Like the actual cow's fur on it. And then they hollowed it out, and it's a bottle that you can drink out of.

Jesus Christ. It was pretty sick. It was awesome. Yeah, it was amazing. Max Kean's stuff kicks ass. They're like, this is Paul Walker's skull. Would you like a margarita? You drink it out of paul walker's skull he is about family the greatest actor to ever live margaritas make me fast and furious

we're selling skulls and double XL t-shirts this one's Vin Scully skull and you can put it on your stick shift when you change gears skulls everywhere dude we got in trouble Joey were you with us when we walked into that bar it was like oh yeah an hour or two after Vin Scully had died and we were joking we were making a joke we were joking that like he had been me too'd and like right yeah I get what you're saying we were just walking and laughing

like yeah you know he was being me too'd he was 96 he just couldn't he couldn't take it anymore and we walked into the drawing room this like little hipster bar and all these like white people that have probably lived in LA for seven years from Iowa. They got all righteous

with us and they were like, what are you saying about Vin Scully? And we were like, oh, it's a joke between us. They really pulled the, you're saying that in the wrong bar. Yeah, they literally were like, you're in the wrong bar, boy. It was that type of thing. Dino Stamatopoulos drinks at this bar. It was like back.

Of course I love Vin Scully but at Dino's. The guy from Whose Line drinks here. They're like you don't even know where you at boy. David Allen Greer comes in here every night. Well Dan Harmon did bingo here retard. You gonna talk dirt?

Butt chugs in our bathroom. Who said that in the wrong bar, son? I once saw Moby drink a wine spritzer here, you son of a bitch. Danzig passed out in that booth. Because he didn't take his diabetes medication. You don't know where you are, feller. Chelsea Peretti sat right in that seat just last night. What you know about Jenna Elfman?

Samantha Bee? Sit here. Darma and Greg, asshole. She was here. Playing Bob Seger on the jukebox. Playing with the dart machine that's made out of plastic. Because real darts would be dangerous. You one of them big city folk, aren't you?

Old West Saloon in East LA. Old West Saloon in fucking Hollywood. We're just alt loser comics. Here's a picture of Chandler Bing doing a shot with the bartender. You're going to have it. That's a signed chipmunk shirt from David Kropp. Asshole.

Before she got SNL, Melissa Villasenor used to do impressions right over there. She'd be practicing them. Spits in a spittoon. The L.A. Hillbilly, I guess. Patton Oswalt used to come in here and show me how he's going to kill his wife. Kidding.

I got me too'd in that bathroom stall, partner. I got canceled on Twitter right there in that stool. Brian Cowan raped a woman. He got a bar right over there. It's only allegedly, but I might have seen something. Once I saw Eric Andre get jacked off by Rosario Dowson right there. Chris Harwalk curb stomped a feller in that parking lot. Harwalk.

Chris Harwalk. Chris Harwalk. Sorry, I can't talk so good since my gums. My gums went south, brother. Because Alec Baldwin blew a woman's brains out. Skull fragments still on the paint. He didn't pull the trigger, though. He never pulled it.

They weren't even filming anything. Aziz Ansari got real upset at a woman for wasting his time at that stool right over there. Aziz Ansari. He was quite upset. I don't know how that panned out but he was quite upset he ate her pussy for two hours he said he said i'm gonna stick my fingers down his throat i said aziz get consent brother get verbal consent get verbal consent brother there's only two things we care about in this town. That's good liquor and verbal consent. Asking along

the way. Yeah. That's Los Feliz, West Texas, brother. Los Feliz, West Texas. I just need a single malt and someone to check in with me during sex to make sure that consent is still happening. You don't even know what you just walked into, boy. Just last week, I saw Bryce Dallas Howard complain about the pay gap with Chris Pratt.

Aubrey Plaza used to make hygiene kits for the homeless right there. Aubrey Plaza used to make hygiene kits for the homeless right there. And that very scene, you're disgraced with your slander about Vin Scully. You fucking smartass. Slandering Vin Scully. Scully.

You sit there, you talk about Vin Scully. This is a Dodger bar. I've been doing post-production editing on reality shows for 45 years in this city. And I ain't never met somebody that likes a you. Likes a you. You better check your tone, this ain't f-boy allen there's a dodger bar you ain't even got a staff riding job

inside baseball west texas bar that's great i love this bit this is the best character ever. The elitist West Texas bar owner. The Hollywood alt comedy bar owner in West Texas. Nev from Catfish plays trivia here every Tuesday. Where you think you're sitting? That seat's for irreverent customers. That's where we

tired and fed at Aaron Glazier. And then we paid him $600,000. Had to close UCB West, brother. The oil deposit's dried up. He goes, where you think you walking into, Brody 818? He goes, where you think you walking into, Brody 818? He goes, Carson Daly sucked his first dick in that glory hole in the bathroom. He goes, enjoy it.

I saw Jimmy Kimmel do blackface Carl Malone over by Yonder Bureau. Used to practice it in the mirror in the bathroom. Him and Sarah Silverman come in doing blackface all the time. They all did it. They all did it. They all did it, brother. This whole bar used to just be none but blackface from all comedians. And it was okay back then. It was okay, but now they're all insane online.

But at the time, I'm just shining a glass the whole time. Times are changing, brother. Winds of time. Time to change them, brother. Time wins the time. How y'all feel about them new Migos? Culture. Culture, I get it. I'm hip. I watched Atlanta.

You listened to the Anderson Park. Oh, boy. So anyways, 48 hours. 48 hours, I'll detonate a bomb inside this studio. Yeah, and I'll kill people. Yeah, I just like to think you're the villain from Speed, but you're trying to get sucked off the whole time. Yeah, exactly.

The clock is ticking. I'm sitting at home, chubbed up with my phone out refreshing Instagram. And I'm texting Devin every two hours going like, great podcast. Great listeners. Nice little audience you built, huh? Can't even get sucked off. I go, cool. This was all worth it.

For sure. It was. And Devin's just going like, can't even get sucked off yeah I got cool yeah this was all worth it for sure it was just wait and Devin's just going like dude like we're like still building it like

you just gotta wait patience dude this is your version of the Patreon taking off everyone says like we're bound to blow soon like you've seen the comments

what if you blow it like if you quit too early and then like in a year or two would you let me back on you're like the original drummer of the beat and year or two, would you let me back on? You're like the original drummer of the Beatles. And then it blows up, would you let me back on? You could be the Dave Mustaine of the podcast.

No, let me back on. Also, why would people remember you if you're not on? No, but I'll come back on, and then I'll do another one of these. But then they would just know that you're just coming back for the pussy, and they would, like, be they wouldn't, like, want to give it up. Yeah, like, you're not doing it because you weren't a part of the pod.

Because they're such loyal listeners. You're not loyal. They feel like I'm not attracted to loyal members. Doing it for the love of the game. They want people who are... Honesty, authenticity. Just for the art of podcasting. Yeah, chicks really like guys that are into it.

The high art. Joey's motivated by pussy. What do you want? I come down here ready to play every game. I get in the zone. I clear the mechanism down here. Dude, you fall down nine times, get up ten. That's how I treat podcasting.

Guys, you know what? I throw up outside the door every time. Like Bill Russell. It's like eight mile, yeah. But no, it's a very funny goof, but let me just kind of lift the veil. We're all hitting a sign while we walk in. It says retard on it. Play like a retard today.

Play like a retard today. But so anyways, you know, it's a really funny goof. We have a cum joke quote up. We're short. We have a sign that says, don't actually say the slur. Okay, but guys... We have a sign that says, don't actually say the slur. Okay, but guys.

We have a sign that says, allude to the slur. Remember, N-word. Sorry, Joseph. Sorry, sorry. Maybe that was a funny riff. I was so busy trying to clear the air on this thing that I didn't hear it. I didn't think it was funny. You got cum brain.

Well, no, it's not true. What I'm trying to do is say I hate to do it because it's such a funny joke, but I was joking. No, no, hang on. Because I think

it's a creepy thing if people actually think I'm being serious. It sounds kind of creepy and pathetic. You're a man of God. You're like'm being serious it sounds kind of creepy you're not you're a man of god you're like a prude you don't you know you're catholic you don't you don't you don't you never kiss and tell you're a good man you don't you really i've never known you to be the guy the guy that talks about pussy yeah those are the zins yeah you want one jay can i get a beer no not till i get some pussy, pal. No, but what I was saying is that what I was doing here was a bit of performance art.

It was a character. It was the guy who acknowledges his motivation for creating something. You know, in reality, everyone who creates anything is doing it for a purpose. There's no point in doing anything, yeah. Exactly. So I'm kind of acknowledginguss. There's no point to doing anything, yeah. Exactly. So I'm kind of acknowledging that. It's self-aware. It's kind of a thing like that. But, you know, if you do want to message me, we can talk.

But it was a goof and a character. But message me. Yeah, I get it. You get it. The only reason I draw is to just get pussy. That's it. Honest, but sick. And wrong.

You're going to turn on me? I hate it when people want to fuck me for what I do. It's shallow. It's shallow. That's why I'm in this. No, all the DMs I get are just people being like, I was going to kill myself today, brother, but you're a retard Korean soldier bit

got me through another work day. They're like, I'm in a wheelchair and I got a cleft palate, but goddamn, when you guys attacked Roseanne. No, people were hitting me up. They were like, hey, man, I've lost a friend recently, too, to suicide. And I was going to kill myself until I heard you guys make fun of that rape victim at that church in episode 43. We're creeps.

Hey. But I'm doing a character. You guys are, like, not Jace, but you two. Genuine, authentic creeps. Yeah, these two are creepy bozos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're creeps and bozos. What the hell did I do?

What did Richie do? Yeah. Richie's a man of God. Joey's just a persuasive guy. I gotta go along with him. He's got a charismatic personality. You're so creepy, I just got, like, thrown into your wake. That's really what happened.

Mm-hmm. You got sucked under. I think it would have been that. Joey, check this out. I think you should start doing this to prostitutes on the street. Watch this video. I think this would be a great game. We've got to adopt this. Oh, where'd they blow?

Go on! This guy calls a prostitute over. Hey, how much for your time? 120. 120? What are you... Are you doing anything? Blowing sex. Nah, but I need somebody to wash my truck.

You think you can do it for 120? To wash your truck? Yeah, in and out. I'm not washing nothing. Really? Yeah. Oh, man. Man? I'm not washing nothing. Really? Yeah. Oh, man. Man.

That's great. Is that a world star hip hop? It's like, is that the front page? Yeah, it was on the front page. That's demeaning and I think it's wrong. Yeah.

That was like that old joke back in Texas too. Was the old... Have a hooker come over? Yeah, a hooker told me she'd... For $100, I could do whatever I wanted with her for an hour. So I gave her a hundred dollars and had her paint my house. Oh, I didn't know

that this was a PG joke. You've done like an old dad joke. You thought it was edgy. I didn't think it was edgy. I just thought it was, I thought he had good. He was being head ball. Let me show you this email forward. forward i got guys have you seen this email i got from my grandfather in 2002 it's you throw knives at osama bin laden's head let me show you this jib jab i got a mit romney yeah that was like a who sings that song oh let's keep it that way very good oh okay very good now i got something all right jace do you remember that tiny that tiny girl that used to hang out at the comedy store? Kind of like a midget-y.

Who had long limbs? Yeah. But she had the tiny torso? Spidery body. Look at what we found the other day. Look at this. This is the sickest. She's a huge Trump supporter.

Can you tell us why you're at CPAC today and who you're excited to see? Well, of course, I'm so excited to see the great Steve Bannon. My name is Lila Hart. I'm here at CPAC to promote the movie me and my husband Eric Abinanti made called American History of Voter Fraud. You guys can find it at lilahart.com slash documentary. Was the 2020 election stolen? Any doubt in your mind about that?

She used to be at the comedy store all the time, and she was roommates with our friend Mike. Yeah, yeah, Menendez. Yeah, Menendez. And we found out the other day, we were like, oh my God. She used to always be in the house. Joey used to say that she looks like she walks on all fours. always be in the house.

Joey used to say that she looks like she walks on all fours. Oh, old morality. Joey doesn't like that now. Joey hates that because he's a good man. I would never say that about a disabled woman.

You're a good Catholic. You're a good Catholic. Trump's going to shoot her out of a cannon when he wins. Oh, my God. I was worried about getting into this, but I'm like, you're a Trump supporter. Ah, it's fair game, minute.

This is the only thing that's made me uncomfortable. He's weird. Devin is falsely accusing me of a fool. Oh really? I guess you guys like kids in cages. And they'll mistake her for a kid, and she'll be in a cage soon.

I say we stick with it for a second. Bring it back. That's it. There's nothing else. Bring that little Trump supporter back. No, there's nothing else. She legitimately could be put in a cage accidentally. She could easily accidentally be put in a cage.

Because I think she's some weird 12-year-old. Yeah, or an aquarium. It is hilarious. Throw some cr 12 year old. Yeah, or an aquarium. It is. Throw some crickets in there. Give her a fake, a little rock. And a stick. A stick. Some moss.

A heat lamp. A heat lamp. Yeah, because she's cold blooded. I can't not do the bit. I know. It's horrible. I'm a real mean spirited guy. I'm just, I'm really'm i'm reaching for for limbs you know i'm just i'm trying to get anything i couldn't believe it when i saw it i would never make fun of her but then it's like

you know you're talking about voter fraud it's like yeah making a voter fraud movie voter fraud which is even the weirder thing is like she's probably doing it just for like entertainment reasons all for like yeah just which is like if's probably doing it just for like entertainment reasons. It's all for like, yeah, just like. Which is like, if you were just like mentally retarded and you're like, no, they stole the vote. Right. I'd be like, you know, whatever. But instead you're exploiting this so you can get likes or

whatever. To try to get in. And I'm not exploiting her for, you know, likes. No, no. Anything of the sort. I just want people to know how savage I am. I figured after I already made that Patton Oswalt joke that I'm like, alright, I guess. Let's blow these door hinges off.

Let's start blowing shit up. Scorched earth. I'm in a weird mood lately, folks. Her voicemail right now is filling up with calls from Guillermo Del Toro. Yeah. God.

She grew up on that island from the King Kong movie. God, I go to the island. There's like 600 of her. The palm of her hand has an eye in it. King Kong, just like they're biting his legs. They're all attacking him. You just come home after a long day.

She's crawling up the wall like Spider-Man. We can't release this. We literally can't even release this. Why? This is sick. Oh, because the Lila Hart fans are going to attack us? Oh, no. I can say her name.

You already said it. Well, you showed her. Yeah, you did. And you showed her face. And she said, my name's Lila Hart. She's a dirty racist Trump supporter. Exactly. Right.

I'm doing this because I'm sick of racism. Also, it is very funny. We used to hang out at Mike's house all the time. We'd go over there for Thanksgiving. She tried to fuck all of us all the time. She was a horny weirdo, and I won't even go into how horny, but quite weirdly horny. Not good. You guys know what I'm talking about.

I'm not even saying. You didn't fuck her, did you? I would never. I mean, no. I almost said I would never but then it's like is that never say never be like fucking a bag full of rakes or something

I wouldn't do it personally but anyways it's like fucking like Woody from Toy Story Hellboy's sidekick is sucking me off and Mike Menendez is having but no but she was just Boy's sidekick is sucking me off at Mike Menendez's house. But, no. But she was just... God damn it.

But we would go over there and she would just be like a character at the house and she was like, seemed normal. I didn't know she was like Steve Bannon's mascot. I didn't know she was like hanging out with Steve but it's very weird and funny, actually. You'd just be spinning webs in the corner of the ceiling at Mike's house while you guys hung out.

A web that says Mago, like Charlotte's web. Hey, come down. The pig is racist, y'all. Oh, yeah. Oh, damn. Fuck. I am beet red right now. I know.

That was a lot. But it's like, listen, we gotta get something out of the fact that we don't hang out. I don't go to the comedies anymore. I don't see these people. So I'm gonna start making fun of them looking like spiders. And there are a couple comedians who just went full MAGA. Yeah, there's a lot.

Yeah. A lot of secret MAGA comics. Well, she's a documentarian now. Chase is looking at me like, a lot of secret MAGA comics. Oh, no. No. No looking at me like, a lot of secret MAGA comics. No. You're like, this isn't red, it's salmon. I'm colorblind. I thought this was blue.

I thought this was a beautiful blue for Democrats. For the Dems. As my co-worker says, the Demirats. That's right, last night, it was so funny. Damn Demorats. Yeah, damn Demorats trying to fuck all these kids.

God. You really, it's funny. Every job Jace has, he works in LA, but he's somehow around Appalachian people. I work in that bar from our bed earlier somehow. It's just like I'm leaving liberal LA la just like trans kids and like clowns everywhere and then fucking i just go into a coal mine where somebody like damn demoratch trying to put breast implants in my daughter's ass they want to hand out free crack pipes i saw literally yeah literally just being like i'd grow past a homeless person today i hope they get shot in the face.

I've had bosses who have told me they sleep with a loaded gun under their pillow. That's insane. Yeah, yeah. I mean, what are we talking about? Living in, like, Sherman Oaks in, like, a nice, like, big, you know, locked-off neighborhood. Just, like, have to pretend they're, like,

fucking, like, dirty hairy or something. Just big, fat, retarded guys with, like, the rubber wedding ring because they got too fat for their original ring. So they have the black graphite ring now. It's an ice pop. Go ahead. Make my day, Demarat. Make my day.

I can't walk up two stairs. I can't wait to get in a situation where I have to kill for my family. Damn Demeratch. Everything wrong in your life is because of a group that you don't even they don't affect you whatsoever. My third heart attack is because of them Demeratch.

Yeah, exactly, right. Putting cholesterol in my steaks I eat every morning. If Lila Hart keeps flirting with Steve Bannis, it's going to be my fourth on the set. God damn. Oh, fuck. Jace, do you know anything about this Andrew Tate dipshit?

Yeah, apparently he's huge all of a sudden. Yeah, out of nowhere, huge. I heard he was a CIA asset. Really? I just saw that on Twitter by the research. I say that about anyone I don't like now. Yeah, true. I hate this guy not because I'm trying to be a hero. He's just off that on Twitter. I say that about anyone I don't like now. I hate this guy not because

I'm trying to be a hero. He's just off-putting. He's an off-putting guy. He's not even funny or interesting. I agree. His entire audience is 12-year-olds. I know, exactly. I hate that he even made it

into any kind of conversation. It's like Logan Paul, and if he didn't have any worthwhile... He's like Jordan Peterson for bros. Yeah. He's like if Jordan Peterson was trying to tell people that you should violently intimidate your girlfriend into giving you a Blumpkin.

Yeah. He's Tucker Max Jordan Peterson. a Blumpkin. He's Tucker Max Jordan Peterson. Tucker Max Jordan Peterson. I hope they make their bed in hell. Suck my dick under the sheets. Or I'll fucking...

You've got to go to the strip club and get a pumpkin. If you don't suck this Dutch oven up in one snip. 12 rules for life. Number one, be sucking my dick. Number two, swallow, bitch. Guys who've never gotten pussy ever. Well, I guess this is him talking about getting banned

from instagram yeah his dad was by the way very high up in the cia oh really yeah his dad was like a cia operative and apparently i saw online i didn't research this at all he got busted for sex trafficking and then within like a month he got like busted by the cia is what i saw online didn't research at all within like a month his videos are just everywhere yeah right they're like promoting them because he's got access to the fucking yeah to what end i have no idea i just i hear cia acid and i run with it because i just like that i buy it interesting i wonder what would the cia's reason be for promoting this guy trying to make cooler kids they're just like come on like these fucking kids they don't even fucking come on your faces anymore cia like, we're just a fucking country of cucks.

When's the last time somebody did a donkey punch in this fucking country? Yeah, guys in suits in a dark boardroom somewhere. My grandson won't even Harry Houdini a bitch. I asked him if he angry pirated somebody. He said

he didn't know what that meant. Sickening. Sickening makes me sick. At Bohemian Grove on the pamphlet, they're like Dirty Sanchez, number one. Number two, Blumpkin. I raped five girls at MTV Spring Break. I don't even know that world

anymore. J. Edgar Hoover's just like, release tape. You let him out of a big cage. Yeah, he lets him out of a cage. They used to do it all. Like Wolverine breaking out of a... Yeah, just grabs the nearest CIA guy and rips his neck off.

Nookie by Limp Bizkit is playing. Yeah, break shit. Break shit! Break your fucking face tonight, bitch woman! He goes, I don't think there were enough rapes at Woodstock. Release Tate.

Release the Tate. Release the Tate. Do you know how many upper decks of toilets are completely clean? Release Tate. You know how many upper decks of toilets are completely clean? Release Tate. We've kept Tate in this cage underground playing hot dog water and the chocolate starfish for 30 years.

Sniffing nothing but jankum. He's ready to go. He's been eating billabong bracelets for decades. Oh, God. Tell Stryker to release the Tate. Release Andrew Tate. Just with a case of Axe body spray.

That's the steam as he walks out. That's the cryo fuck. 10, 12 year olds who don't want to shower after P.E. It's the Axe Body Spray commercial

where all the women are chasing the guy, but then it cuts away and they're all running away with bruises. He's like, like, like,

he's like accused of like human trafficking. Yeah, like rape. No, he's literally like, my advice is like, beat your girlfriend.

Yeah, like you'll say shit like that. Well, have you seen this video? No, I haven't watched most of hisave. No, he's literally like, my advice is like, beat your girlfriend. Yeah. Like, he'll say shit like that. Well, have you seen this video? No, I haven't watched most of his stuff. Fucking fucked up. I mean, it's, a lot of people say it's like,

it's like a kink thing and these are hired, but I don't even care. This is like insane. I watched this the other day on Reddit. Is this going to get us banned, by the way?

No, no. There's like nudity. No, there's not. Don't play this. No, there's not. You sent this to us. No, there's not nudity. Like, she shows her ass and't play this. No, there's not. You sent this to us. No, there's not nudity. Like she shows her ass and shit.

With a bikini on. It's not her actual ass. Is this an underage girl? No, no, no. No, but it's just a girl. But she shows her ass. He's like abusing in a hallway. She's got underwear on.

Okay. But then there's a girl in the bed who's like thinking. She's got underwear on too. Trust me, we've looked, Joe. Trust me, dude. I've watched this. You don't think I jacked off for this today? Shut up, dude. Trust me, dude. I've watched this. You don't think I jacked off for this today? Shut up, dude.

Run out my dude. Run out my dude. What is he doing? He's like, you know that feeling, like you talk in sex with Andrew Tate, he's like, you know that feeling when you just give a girl

a knuckle sandwich? Dude, my favorite part of sex is icing my knuckles afterwards. You're like, oh my god. What's your favorite sex toy? A bag of frozen peas. Yeah, he's in the boxing gym. Just trying to get better at sex, dude.

Working the speed bag. Yeah, he's trying to fuck my old lady a little better. He's just jabbing a clip. Like cartoon style. Dude, I don't beat up the pussy. I beat up the woman. I beat up the entire woman until she starts convulsing on the floor.

Beat up the pussy. Right. You don't beat up the pussy. You punch that whore in the fucking face. Beat up the pussy. Right. You don't beat up the pussy. You punch that whore in the fucking face. Beat up the pussy. I don't even cum. I hate sex with women.

I can't cum until she's foaming out of the mouth. Yeah. When he's about to have sex with a girl, he's like, hey, let me put some music on

and then he just plays Change in the House of Flies by the Deftones. It's a Roy Jones Jr. Floyd Mayweather's cut guy is sleeping in the other bed in the hotelftones. It's a Roy Jones Jr. Floyd Mayweather's cut guy is sleeping in the other bed in the hotel. Yeah.

He's like, he's like, I like some mood music. It's like, can be touched, can be stopped, can be moved, can be dropped.

After sex, the girl's talking like that MMA fighter from Liverpool. Patty, whatever his name is. Oh, Patty Pemblit or whatever? I thought we had a good match. He's like, wait a minute. War Machine's calling me from jail.

Hello, War Machine. Let me patch him in. War Machine's like, I like him black and blue, Jack. You have to understand, Jack. I just like him when their like them black and blue, Jack. You have to understand, Jack. I just like them when their face is black and blue. Goodbye, Colonel. Goodbye, Colonel. Instead of going to see Dirk Diggler's dick, he's like, all right, let me see your best shot.

Throw your hardest punch. Now the Colonel tells me you have a great backhand. You mind if I see it? Thank you very much. There's a scene in Boogie Nights where the girl ODs and her nose is bleeding. He's like, was it coke? He's like, no. We just had sex.

We had sex, dude. Normal sex. All right. Go ahead and give Roller Girl your best right hook. Oh, fuck. All right. Look at this. All right, look at this. All right. Did he grab a belt?

Yeah. Ugh. Oh. That accent just makes him sound so smart, though. Yeah. This is the worst one. This is, like, insane. I don't even care if this is the worst one this is like insane I don't even care if this is like a higher

I mean this is a prostitute whatever but when it gets violent it's like I don't it's not even a kick that is not okay with me watch this dude it's crazy he just like berates her and then starts beating her.

Why is there such good surround sound? I don't know. This is, like, apparently fucking Apocalypse Now. This footage of this guy beating a hooker on a bed. He took his iPhone, hooked it up to Dolby. Yeah, Andrew Tate cuts his hand on a mirror later. Why would he hit you? Christian Bale's about to start screaming about the lighting.

You're a fucking amateur, man. You're a fucking amateur. You and me are fucking dumb professionally. I'm trying to donkey punch this girl. I see you walking in my line of sight. You're being a real cunt. He's like holding a golf club or something in bed. Don't say it.

No f***ing English. Proper English. No Slovak bulls***. Say it to the camera. That's not what I said to say, is it? I said, tell the camera I beat you and you don't do as I say. I didn't say the word listen. Did I say the word listen?

Jesus Christ. I didn't say the word listen. Did I say listen? Did I say listen? Look at the camera. Come on. I don't know. Yeah.

I think I get it. I think we get the point. John was saying this is kink a kink, and I'm like... Well, there are... Like, that could be a kink but it's just so they really they hit him that hard and shit you can pay a prostitute to beat the fuck out of him like that and like so so then everything he says in all his videos

he does he he's definitely doing this actually has bled into his life well you can find crazy like if this is your cake and everything he says on YouTube... Joey, real quick. Remember your Catholic before you... I would never do... Honestly, I've had chicks

ask me to do crazy stuff like that. I would never do it. I do, like, you know... I don't even want to say, but very light stuff where there could never be any damage.

But there are... There are crazy girls out there that love stuff like that okay i don't even care if this is just not it's real i mean it's obviously why would there be a guy filming this if it wasn't for some sort of kink right exactly but but it's the fact that this even exists and there's already rumors of like the human trafficking and rape and shit like that and the what way he talks about women. It's like he definitely, if he's doing this as a sexual thing, He's coming off a bit unlikable.

He likely has done this realistically. Something about him erupts me the wrong way. Seems like a really bad guy, okay? Why can't he just make fun of midgets like we did? Why can't he just beg for pussy on a podcast with a thousand listeners yeah i'm starting to think he might not be a good guy yeah he does his podcast with no shirt on hours ago wouldn't let me might take my shirt off i have good people in the case i trust due process with instagram i'm actually quite understanding process with instagram very

very well i'm not angry at them in any regard uh it's not a big loss for me it's not something I use too often but I do understand their position because we're actually living in a world now where it's kind of strange this is an unprecedented period of human history and we have you can internet sensationalism global sensationalism women with impunity it's good because you never hear this on a podcast. No, you've never heard it. Sabretooth has been hunting me since my release. Striker hates me because I've gone rogue.

Sabretooth. Because they put me full of this metal garbage. There's a gay guy throwing cards at me. Magic cards. To edit things so quickly, right? So you can say something on a stream and they can remove all context or you can say something

and they can change the tone of your voice or you can say something. He goes from like British to Philly. I don't know what he is. He's like, they can change the tone of your voice. I have no idea what he's doing. He's from Liverpool and Delco proper, apparently at the same time.

I have no clue what's happening with him. Exactly. And then what they can do is they can throw that in front of a hate mob and then internet sensationalism can take control and people can start to believe in narratives which are false and then people have to take some kind of action against that. So I understand all these things.

I understand that with great power and great influence comes great. He's like about to quote Spider-Man. How? What were you going to say, Richard? No, I was just going to say he switches in and out. You can hear right there. Like he goes into just sounding American. When he's just like, and then you go over there.

Yeah. I mean, this isn't even interesting. He just, he's just, I don't know. I just keep i i kept hearing his name like a week ago didn't he fall out of his car or something like that apparently the the disturbing thing is just what i've seen online is apparently 12 year olds like actually like love the guy really like i've heard from like anecdotally too like people like who teach in schools are like 12 years like yeah i love andrew tay like he tells women like where to like to be put in their place and stuff like that so apparently like i mean he does like have a foothold and like right right you know the 4chan well tucker max like the old tucker max

audience is now andrew tate actually right it seems like do you think the cia if he is cia they're releasing him they released him from his cage to like uh to to uh add some weight to the other side of the culture war where it's like you know like kids are becoming to like you know they're teaching trans stuff in schools and this and that and like like to make it a little more like um to instill more uh traditional male female well i think that's tactics i think that's part of if this if like and i don't even know if i do believe this but if the cia does like have guys like this i think it's literally to just like generate like dissent within the community you know it's like that thing

right what's the quota they got you fighting a culture war to keep you from fighting a class war that type of thing like just yeah generate dissent and confusion and you know yeah it's like what they've done in wars forever it's what they've done with other countries you know right just trying to use like media to distract people right yeah just just like you know andrew tate comes in he he gets really popular for a couple years and then like uh you know there's like a 12 year old that gets up and like beats the shit out of his teacher. Cause she's like, you know,

talking about race theory or whatever. She won't suck his day. Cause it's like every day for the last year. It's been like, yeah, cause he wants to, he won't suck him off. Yeah.

I mean, the CIA could also have like Lena Dunham as an asset, you know, they could just be doing people on both sides. Yeah. You know, and then it's like a, it's a big,

like mortal combat battle. Yeah. people on both sides. It's a big Mortal Kombat battle. Yeah, Andrew Tate just dressed like fucking Scorpion. Throwing Lena Dunham off the thing. Get over here! He falls on all the spikes. Get over here, but he just throws his belt around her. You can't make me read Anne Frank's

diary, Lena. Fuck you! Andrew Tate kids I wonder if like Kids love Andrew Tate Do we have another topic? It's just Andrew Tate convincing a virgin to fuck him Like the beginning of Oh shit, he has a gay son Oh, good for him

Interesting Let's listen to that real quick What would you do Two questions Oh, what i'm actually oh if what what would you do if you have a child and you have a daughter i'd love to have a daughter why would a fucker first i'd punch her okay um how would you raise your daughter violently he's like i only reason i'd have a daughter is because I don't have enough money to afford a punching bag.

That is a good question. First, I'd get a meat hook. Because I only feel qualified to talk about how to be as successful as possible as a man. Because I am one. And I've lived a life as a man. I think whichever woman

I trust to have a daughter with, I would trust her to be in charge of the mindset of the daughter. So I'd say, obviously I respect you because I trust to have a daughter with, I would trust her to be in charge of the mindset of the daughter. So I'd say obviously, I respect you because I chose to have a kid with you, wife, or whoever you are, then I want our daughter to be like you. So what will make her like you? And I think the woman would be more in charge of that because she understands how to guide a female mind better than I perhaps would. Okay.

Another question, but if that doesn't work, I'll beat the shit out of him. He's like wife, whatever first grade class you're in currently. How would you react to that? Yeah, it wouldn't bother me. I don't think I'd really care. I don't I will never accept a degenerate member of my family. So i don't want any kind of it doesn't matter if he's straight doesn't matter if he's gay as long as he's got his head screwed on and he's working hard and he's living a good life and he's doing good things you know then that's fine if they're gonna say no i take drugs now and i only do this and i run around i don't care about anything else that's fine but i don't think that's anything to do with sexual orientation as long as they're not degenerate as long as they're head screwed on, they're a respectable member of society,

then I don't really care what they do. What is the head screwed on thing? I mean, does he not know how people are born? Their heads are on their head. Very good. Very good. Right, folks? Good rebuttal.

Right? I got you, Andrew Tate. Fuck you. Totally worth that clip. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. It is steamy down here. Yeah, it's very steamy.

It is a scorcher. Yeah. It's the dog days of summer, you know? Goddamn right, Jace. You are goddamn right. It's hotter than a dog out there. What's every woman up to? Fuck clips.

Fuck the... We've watched enough. Hate watch. What gives a shit? I was at a party last night that David Dobrik was at. He was there? Yeah, he was there. Really?

At John's party? No, no. I think David Dobrik somehow was there last night. Didn't David Dobrik get canceled? Yeah, now he has to. Now he's hanging out at that party. Yeah, that's how low you go. What was he doing?

He was just walking around. I didn't even talk to him. You were at Dan Schneider's party. around. I didn't even talk to him. You were at Dan Schneider's party. Yeah, I was at a den entertainment party. They're really under the table now. How did Andrew know him?

Or how did he get there? I don't know. It literally was a thing where he was like, dude, that's David Dobrik. And then he also came with his weird, I don't know,

the guy, his partner, his business partner who's also, I guess, semi David Dobrik. And then he also came with his weird, I don't know, the guy, his partner, his business partner, who's also, I guess, semi-famous. He's an old man. Everyone there was in their 20s. Right. They were like, well, I don't know how old David Dobrik is. This other guy was like 50 years old. Weren't you hanging out with Michael Jordan's nephew, too?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's that guy like? Geez. I don't know what was going on last night. Yeah, Richie Rich. I know, right? That kid was hilarious honestly he's just a fucking pussy hound and he keeps talking about how like uh i'm trying to remember this story because when i was talking to him it was literally the very end of the night uh all right we'll move on. I literally can't. I have no space

to think for one second. One second. Jesus Christ. Anybody got anything? Fuck you. Alright, back to the clips. Nothing? Alright, fine. I guess I'll do this podcast all by my goddamn self.

Alright, we got a video of a child getting hit by a train in Indonesia. God pulls gun during road rage. Hopefully this really sets things off. We got a video of a child getting hit by a train in Indonesia. All right, guy pulls gun during road rage, all right? Hopefully this really sets things off. Now, come on. Go on, Reggie. You had some time to think during that riff.

Come on. He was essentially just explaining how he was like, I saw this woman, and she was like everything I ever wanted. So I to marry her he's on and he's only 20 years old at this time right and she's 18 he's like i just had to marry her so i did and then i realized i made a huge mistake and she like won't stop calling me like what is that about like what is her deal he sounds just like michael jordan to be honest yeah it's very similar yeah i guess like in in their family but he is just uh that like it was just stories like that of him just like not understanding right why treating people like shit and they like they're just like latched on to me like i don't understand it i married her and then i don't want to be married to you anymore

like we were young what's the big deal yeah this guy should be listening to andrew tate videos i think yeah yeah he's yeah but he's like really skinny and sounds just like Michael Jordan. He's like I was in Vegas. I bet my dad's life on 21 black. Yeah, you know that, you know, like just how you get your dad accidentally killed under an underpass. You know, we'd be like all, but we've all been through that.

You know, if you like alienate everyone in your life, you just live in a mansion all alone and you watch old Western movies. We all do that. We all do that, right? Just like my wife. What's his name? I don't know if you want to say it. I don't remember.

I might try to get him on. I remember the name. You can say it. Wasn't it Kenny Anderson? Yeah, Kenny Anderson. But isn't that already like a famous NBA player? That's such a weird... Watch out for this poor kid.

I mean... No, he wants to be on the podcast. He wants to come on. Oh, he does. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Watch out for this poor kid. I mean... No, he wants to be on the podcast. He wants to come on. Oh, he does. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got to talk to him. All right. Sounds like an interesting guy.

I'd love to have this guy on. He looks like... I looked at some pictures. He looks like a fucking... He looks like a... Like a Carlton reboot or something. He looks like the Peacock NBC version of Carlton. Oh, the Freddy reboot?

Yeah, yeah. He looks... Like, actually, like they did a reboot of Carlton. It's not like, ohock NBC version of Carlton. Oh, the Freddy reboot? Yeah, yeah. He looks like... Like, actually, like, they did a reboot of Carlton. It's not like, oh, you look like Carlton. Like, they did a Carlton reboot, and he looks similar to that guy. No, I saw him. He looks like a fucking black guy. Yeah, he looks like the dad from Family Matters.

Weird. The laziest, the guy that's the laziest with lookalikes. They're all just raised. Yeah, I saw him. He looked like a fucking... Danny Glover over here. Mexican. Hey, big sombrero and wearing a robe. He looked

sideways. He looked tan. Yeah. Oh, fuck. Tan. Had a big curly mustache. Big bandolier full of bullets. How you been, Jace? I've been good, you know? Good. Yeah.

All right, Joey, how about you? Everything okay over there, Joe? I'll tell you what I did today. Did I already say this about the biker bar? No, no, no. We're probably going to end up back there after this, aren't we? I fucking love that place. We found this new place to hang out at. It's one of those uh i was gonna go to joey's

gym he told me like you have to come meet me first that's your payment your payment to get into my gym you have to hang out with me for a little bit well here's why i said that so i went i started walking i just woke up so hungover i started walking down to the arts district and usually i just go to little tokyo but if you go toward the like warehouse district, there's a whole new set of places that you can get hammered at that nobody knows about. There's a whole new set of places to get hammered at. Nobody knows about.

And so I found, I found this place that had a, it's like a, like they're empty. Yeah. I am imagining like a, one of those tech talks. It's like a day in the life of a 23-year-old social media manager, but it's just your wife. Hit the gym, 5 a.m., found a new bar to get hammered at. But I wandered into this place, and it's like a biker bar.

So it's like all motorcycles outside, and you walk in, and it's like a biker bar. So it's like all motorcycles outside and you walk in and it's like banditos. And everybody's got like a Sturgis motorcycle rally vest on or a t-shirt, I mean, not a vest. And it's like different biker gangs. But they're like hip LA. No. They're like deep Midwest biker gangs. I think what happens is...

No, there was a couple. For some reason... When I was there, it was like guys playing dress-up. There was nobody with a vest. When you got there, there wasn't a single person even wearing a vest. The guy that fucked me in the bathroom was. Well, you know,

when you're at the Glory Hall, of course, they all got vests on. But, no, so when I first showed up,, like, a bunch of bikers with vests on and stuff. And so, what they do is they go across country. They like to, you know, drive their motorcycles around. Now, I think they just Google, like, motorcycle bars. And they're like, all right, let's go to this place. They probably got there and, like, got a bunch of queers.

Yeah, because it's not. It's the type of place, guys, where it's like a huge bar, cafe, you know, they got the Brussels sprouts, cauliflower wings. Then there's people getting tattooed inside. There's an entire gift shop. Every downtown bar is like that. All that. It's like a Mr.

Chuck E. Cheese. Makes no sense. You can buy like a record. You can get a haircut in there. Haircut, tattoo. No, literally. And they have like a whole warehouse You can get a haircut in there. You can get a haircut. Yeah, there's like a ski ball. No, literally. You can, yeah. And they have like a whole warehouse where they sell motorcycles and stuff in part of it. But, so I got there at like 11 a.m. or noon.

And then I left at 6 p.m. And I was there by myself for like five of those hours. And then I was just sitting there. I didn't say a word to anyone for five hours, which now sounds insanely sad and weird. I mean, I just kind of let it set. I showed up

for an hour or two. I was with you for an hour. That's why I asked you to come in. Actually, no one was there. I watched you from across the street. I go, look at how sad he is. He's just refreshing Instagram over and over again. Well, Devin goes, do you want to go to the gym? And I'm like, oh, I've been at a biker bar. Just waiting for the puss to come in.

No, I wasn't even trying to get puss. I was just like, I wanted to wallow for about six hours. I swear to God, if I was trying to get puss, I would have talked. I would have been, you know, sexually harassing all the hot chicks. That's your move. Yeah, yeah, of course. That's how I, yeah. That's how I might yeah that's like but so

but so i was sitting there quietly for like so long i didn't realize how time flies when you're getting hammered you know that the old saying the old saying time flies when you're getting hammered and you're new to it so that's why you just figured it out yeah i love that but it's a new bar and i was like ordered food and i was looking at motorcycles and i was like whatever time flew and i was there for like five hours all of a sudden and then i just started looking around and i was like i said this to you when you got there i'm like i think i have a naturally frowning face or something because I keep noticing that when I look at people and we make eye contact, they frown back to me.

Yeah, you kept doing that. People frown at me. Do you think you can do the face? Well, no, it's like my neutral face. And then they go like this. They're just like... Like they're a French clown. Yeah, like what...

They just start crying. They're holding a big flower that just wilts. I see it, and here's what I do. I go... Why do you think it's Joey? I start smiling. I force a fake smile. I don't know.

I have like a resting bitch face or something. But anyways, I go... Devin texts me. He's like, let me into your gym. I don't know. I have like a resting bitch face or something. But anyways, I go. Devin texts me. He's like, let me into your gym. I'm a bum. I refuse to pay $10 a month for Planet Fitness. And so I'm like, I'll do it. But you come in here. People are frowning

at me. I need to prove to them that I have one friend at least. You're like, I've been waiting for him for six hours. LA time, you know? I go, boy, are you late? I go, what happened to 11 a.m., bud? Yeah, you're just covered in Miller Lite cans,

like up to your fucking chest. Boy, are you late. Like, I ever heard of the watch? You couldn't have called? Some friend you are. But I was, like, smoking weed. I kept going to the bathroom and outside, and I had a weed pen on me,

and I kept smoking weed and getting higher and higher, and I kept getting more paranoid about my frown-causing face. And then, so I was finally just like, I go, I need to prove to them that I have one friend so that I can come back here. And so I said, Devin, I'll give you my keys. Just come in here though. Sit by me for like five

seconds. Give you the keys. We'll make them look at us. We'll shake hands, make it clear that we're friends, and then go. And then Devin's such a degenerate he ends up just staying

and drinking doesn't even go to the gym he's like a lazy I know it was over it already took forever to find fucking parking so I could come

make you not look like Travis Bickle you son of a you didn't even know why I was asking it was also funny your original plan like they just think

you were like take my keys I'm gonna drive home or something no no my plan was just to be like hey buddy like oh you need the keys to go into the gym because we work out together all the time we're friends and we work out and i have all kinds of friends i'm but yeah yeah you know this is my one day a year i go out drinking this is that but normally we're at the gym every day. It's my one day a year.

I go, anyways, ladies. See you next year on this date. On this date to drink the only time. But I went there and I sat there for so long that one of the bartenders goes, I was only there for like five hours at this point. And she goes, you've been here for eight hours. And I go, you're right. And I'm claiming squatter's rights.

And I'm going to sleep on that couch. And she kind of got nervous for a second. She was just like, huh? I go, and I have a very good lawyer. I go, after eight hours, you can't get rid of me. And then she was like squirting. They had to ask her to

leave because there's like... Too much squirting. They had to mop it up. I slipped. It was like a water burp. Exactly. Oh, my pussy exploded. That's what she says. And then the front of her pants, like a frag grenade,

just unfolded and sprayed everywhere. And they're like, sir, if you're going to make chicks squirt like that, you've got to get out of here. And I was like, kick her out. She's the one squirting. And so they threw her out. Maybe that's why everybody was frowning at you, because they were just coming when they looked at you.

It was O-Face. They're like, this asshole's making me cum at a fucking bar. All my biker friends are going to think I'm gay because I'm covered in cum. My wranglers. Stop looking at me like that. It's going to cook inside my jeans while I

ride my hog. Because the motorcycles get very hot. It would cook the cum. It would. I've been sitting with Joey at many a bar counter lately. First of all, before you even go on for one second, Devin gets his kick out of places all the time. No, not true.

Not anymore. Oh, yes. All the time. Not anymore. Oh, yes. All the time. You're heavily obnoxious. Joey was... You were trying to hit on... Who's had better behavior? Last night, who had better behavior?

I didn't do anything last night. Who was more... If you had to pick. You had better behavior last night. Thank you. But in Seattle... If anybody saw it... Oh, in Seattle.

Don't even get me started, Rich. I'm on you. But in Seattle. If anybody saw it. Oh, in Seattle. Don't even get me started, Rich. I'm you. We were at Art City the other day. That was a mess. Jerry, do you remember when we were at Art City last week? And you were at the bar. Okay, get it out. Go ahead.

We were. I wasn't even going to make fun of you. Go ahead. It was going to be like a flattering story. Oh, please. Now I feel like I'm going to make it more. Do the flattering one. I don't have any. That was a bluff story. Oh, please. I feel like I'm going to make it more. Do the flattering one. I don't have any.

That was a bluff. Yeah. I was bluffing. Call this bluff. But you were trying to hit on that waitress at Art City. Oh, by the way, I killed it. I killed. Here's what happened.

You kept asking her like inane questions just to keep her there. You're like, what's the time? I go, what? I go, what? I was just like, when did the. I think it's Wednesday. When did the bar open? She's like, I just started here.

I go, oh, okay. You know, I go, the liquor license? Is that the permit? How does that work? Yeah. And she was just going like, I have a lot of people wanting drinks. What's your favorite color? You look like a blue girl.

Blue? You were like, is this tile? Who's the general contractor that put all this conduit in? It's a great conduit. What do you know about the Dominion voting machines? The sound system, is that Bose? I'm looking for an HVAC guy.

He seems to be pretty good. Do you know him? Are you guys worried about asbestos? voting machines. The sound system, is that Bose? I'm looking for an HVAC guy. It seems to be pretty good. Do you know him? Are you guys worried about asbestos? But I was blowing it so heavily. First of all, no. I think I was about to pick up steam, but then Devin again sabotages me because he can't stand to see his friend get pussed, and that's what he's doing

on the podcast. If Joey was ever actually on his way to getting one of these bartenders, his friend like get puss and that's what he's he's doing on the podcast yeah no no no no joey was ever actually on on his way to getting one of these bartenders i wouldn't do anything one of these bartenders i was like the first time i tried to bang a bartender one time too and you just kept getting shot down that was two though like a two total i've noticed that i never i never even talked to bartender these these two bartenders both had tattoos like like they don't they don't have any time for you for yourigans. There was like two bartenders that I've even tried to talk to. Go to, what was that place called that we just left?

Shed Bike? Bike Shed? Bike Brew? Bike Shed. Bike Shed Company? Bike Shed in the Arts District. I sat there for six hours, politely, quietly, masturbating in my pocket. I didn't say a word.

Of course. politely, quietly masturbating in my pocket. I didn't say a word. I simply cut a hole in my pocket and I jacked off like a gentleman. That was polite. You have your big Jackie you put on and tuck your arms in so nobody can see. I built a fake arm.

He built a fake arm. Like a dummy. Out like this it was my it's a it's a Brendan Walsh joke it's a Brendan Walsh joke but it's one of my favorites where he's like I tie a string to my dick

and then the other end to my toe so I can just tap my toe and jack off that's great but so yeah no I was like about to you know this chick was falling in love with me and devin starts just openly laughing at my attempt like he can't even know what was this at the uh arts district oh yeah like you were literally laughing at me and just being like because you kept doing this joey kept doing like this he was holding the side of his head and he goes, can I have a beer?

What's your favorite? It was like out of a scene in a movie where a guy is like, what do I say? I was swooning. No, I was like, I had butterflies. I was like,

I wanted to whittle something out of wood, like a statue of her. Yeah. Women love when you whittle something for them. Have you ever carved a beautiful statue for a woman? Yeah, yeah. It's like, hey, I've been staring at you for six hours, and I made this.

I made this. It's covered in blood. You hand it to her, but she has huge anime tits. Like gigantic Jessica Rabbit proportions. But if you whittled like a perfect one that looked just like her, do you think the chick would be like, all right. I think whittling specifically is a little creepy because it's got the knife element to it.

Knives are creepy. Yeah, that means you've been under the counter with a knife. But what about a tooth? It's like insane. You should hit on women at the bar by eating an apple with a big a knife. It's like insane. You should hit on women at the bar by eating an apple with a big pocket knife. Eating off the knife. But what if it's made out of like stone?

If you get a drawing a drawing out of your sketchbook. I feel like that's a little better. Say like I drew this for you. And it's just a picture of a guy with a monster cock. He gets sucked off by someone that looks a lot like her. It says it says me pointing at the guy. It's that

black you. It's the picture of that black dude that was getting passed around, but Joey's face her her like squirting a craw over your head. It's a photorealistic lemon party. I got I drew your face inside of Goatsy's asshole. I've been featured on Monsters of Cock.

I just want to throw that out there. So anyways, I'm about to win her over, and Devin starts laughing at me, ruining my attempt. The chick stops masturbating. She puts her pants back on. Right at the bar. It was insane. It was a rush. She's flicking her bean.

She's got to wash her hands to go serve customers. I'm going to go wash my hands. I'm going to go dip my hands in that big sink we got. But then my big strategy to win her back I'm sitting there and I'm humiliated. Devin's laughing at me. This is in real life now. Devin's laughing at me and I'm sitting there and I'm like humiliated. Devin's like laughing at me. This is in real life now. Devin's like laughing at me and I'm sitting there just going like, fuck.

Also high again and drunk and so I'm like an idiot and I finally go I'll use my best strongest weapon. My greatest goof that I have. The WMD

of, you know, my goofs. Yeah, the greatest goof of all time. Yeah, yeah. And so I go, hey, I do another one where I go, hey, I gotta do, real quick, before I order. I go, I have to tell you illegally, my friend's a pedophile. Yeah, he did that.

And she did like it what's actually insane is how little people care about that but she liked it though be honest no no she liked it but i'm actually i'm shocked because i'm always like oh god and then every time you do it people are like there's no kids in here like they honestly don't they i could be a pedophile we were doing it that you weren't a real pedophile. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. I'm too hot to be a pedophile. No. Fucking sexy. You could be a hot pedophile. Is there hot pedophiles? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck. Fuck. Well, fuck. There goes my

fucking... Your cover? I can't be... No cover for me. I just heard a pickup line I thought was really good you could probably use. This is like a real... I heard it from a lady told me that she got this pickup line once. It was just... I'm gonna memorize this. This is from Andrew Tate. No, it's an lady told me that she got this pickup line once. I'm going to memorize this. This is from Andrew Tate. No, it's an actual

woman friend that I have. Can you believe it? I know. I have a woman as a friend. What a dumbass. I know. Richie was a bad as a gun. You don't let her drive. No, I do not. I don't want to lose my life. So he's telling me to get directions. Like, shut up before you the back of my hand you dumb

stay in the trunk stay in the trunk my friend my friend love you no but she said a guy once um like on los fios boulevard was just riding his bike and he stopped he came back he goes he goes hannah's crazy question. Do you like oysters? And she was like, I love oysters. He goes, there's a really good oyster bar down the street. I'd love to take you to get oysters sometime. And she was like, well, I'm seeing someone, but I'm flattered. Thank you very much.

So she said that was a good pickup line. She liked that. She said she liked that. Because number one, it's polite. It's asking somebody on a real date. And it's kind of sexual without being sexual. Right. It's the oysters of the aphrodisiac. They look like pussies. Yeah. They feel like pussies.

Right. I would ruin it by going like... She really liked that. She liked that, yeah. I'd end up going like, you know, she'd be like, I'm seeing somebody. I'd go, really? It's an aphrodisiac., she'd be like, I'm seeing somebody. I go, really? It's an aphrodisiac. And she'd be, she'd start walking faster.

And I ride my bike. I go, where are you going? Yeah. I said an aphrodisiac. You know what that means? Do you even know what that means? I like to walk alongside them.

It makes you want sex. You would go, yeah, you would go, what don't you get about this? You would go, you like oysters? And makes you want sex. You would go. Yeah, you would go. What don't you get about this? You would go. You like oysters? And she goes, yes.

You go. I would love to take you to my apartment and fuck the shit out of you. You and me one night. I do. I've heard of somebody doing that before. Like the idea of like, hey, listen, I'm going to cut the horse shit. I'm a guy. You're a girl.

I could do some weird, stupid pickup line. You'd hate it. You reject me. It's late at the night. I'm going to throw a crazy Hail Mary. What if you and me go back to my place and have the craziest sex of all time? Dude,

did it work? Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, like to like I walk across the street from them at night with my hood up and I make sure I'm at the same exact pace as them and my hands are in my pockets

and one of them's kind of shot like it looks like maybe something's in there and then I just keep going Hey! Hey! You're beautiful!

You're a beautiful woman! Gorgeous! I got Do you like oysters? And then I go, because I have some in my truck! I go, I go, hey, did it hurt? And they go, did what hurt?

You go, when I fucking beat the shit out of you. I go, when we fuck in my apartment. When I Hulk taught you and throw you in this van. Did it hurt? Are you from Nashville? Because I'd love to just fuck you in the back of my Kia. Yeah. Should we go over to the Patreon?

Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks, folks. Join us over at Patreon.com. Do we have anything going on? Is there anything? Slash hate watch podcast. What do you mean, anything going on?

What are you talking about? Yeah, we got our dates. Des Moines, Iowa. I don't know. Just other stuff we got going on. I would like to apologize to everybody. I don't know. Just other stuff we got going on. I would like to apologize to everybody. I don't know. For what?

Just this podcast. Yeah. Well, okay. Oh, yeah. I just want to real quick. I want to admonish myself. Just be like, I'm sorry if anything you didn't like. Yeah.

Sorry. That's nice. You ever realize that you're sorry if anyone is friends with the creepy crawly that we had fun of. Sorry to the all real monsters lady. I feel bad for her. Sorry to Michael Jordan's nephew. I would never have said anything like that,

but you're a Trump rally. It's a fair game. We're making this worse, by the way, but I recently realized that 75% of what I say now is apologies to people. Literally, totally. Out of the words. All my 20s were spent waking up the next day and just is apologies to people. Literally, totally.

Out of the words. All my 20s were spent waking up the next day and just being like, people telling me I should say sorry to somebody. Yeah. My whole 20s.

I proofread so many apologies. That's it. It's nonstop. My Facebook messenger. He's like, what do you think of this? Will this work? My whole Facebook messenger

is just like, I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said last night. Not to girls. Girls love me and they call me and they, you know, they... Devin's like, sorry I called you the what I said last night. Not to girls. Girls love me and they call me and they... Sorry I called you the K word

again, Jew. Devin's is all like anti-Semitic stuff. Yeah, most of my toys are spent going like, Devin should really apologize to that guy. Mine's always like, I'll pay for the window. I'm sorry. Don't worry. It was an accident.

Your mother's vase. Sorry I said your pussy smells like smoked salmon What did you mean Richie? Do we have anything to shout out at? I don't know I hate to put Joey on the spot Whatever happened to the fight? I don't fucking know

Our friend died Hit me up on Instagram And he goes What happened to the fight? We got sidetracked. You're busy. I'll do it, but here's the thing. I can't do it by myself.

I need... We got to get somebody to film. We got to get a gym. It's a production. I don't know if we... I'll do it. If we get it set up, I'll do it in five seconds. We made the goal of 1,000... I'll do it. If we get it set up, I'll fucking do it in five seconds.

We made the goal $1,000. I'll do it tomorrow. The budget is much higher than $1,000. Yeah, get us to $3,000. Well, we can't do that to these people. No, I'm just saying. That's the truth. It is, but we made a promise.

We'll get back in the swing of things soon. No, no, I'm just saying. We'll start actually getting serious about that. We were making some progress, and then everything started falling down. We're sticking to our word, but it's just going to take a little bit more time. We had some shit come up. What are you going to do?

What are you going to do? Patreon.com slash HeyWatchPodcast. Join us. Yeah. Go on the Instagram. There's a shitty Twitter that gets just random retweets of mostly Devin. Check it out. At hate underscore watch or whatever goodbye