Hate Watch with Devan Costa - Stop The Steal

Episode Date: March 31, 2025

Official trailer for "Rust" is out, fighting podcast bracket fraud with fraud, the time Lindsay Lohan tried to steal an Arab kid https://www.patreon.com/hatewatchpodcast

🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 You motherfuckers, you motherfuckers. I'm ready. Oh. Ha ha ha ha ha. What?

Oh shit. Where's my headphone? Right here buddy, I got you dude. What the hell? Look at this teamwork. I'm a team. Yeah bro. You guys are the cutest little team.

Right before we started, John does that thing he does where he needs to say something but he has nothing to say. I'm a team. I'm a team. I'm a team. I'm a guys are cute as a little team. Right before we started John John does that thing he does where he he needs to say something, but he has nothing to say so he goes He's looking at his phone. He goes, uh Yeah Yeah, yeah And we were talking about anything no one no one had said a thing. I've been afraid of silence my entire life

Yeah, it's horrible. The Dodgers are back in your dodgers back. I just want to wrap my lips around fucking Nice cock. Yeah, we're on a nice cocks Yeah Do you really suck off a cholo? Pads my friend Funny is the security guard after that happened was like you should get knee pads, bro Like stone-co cold Steve Austin. Like, are you crazy?

So what actually happened? I, so I'm in the, so it's very busy. It's like late at night, the Dodgers are coming back, all the buses are coming back. And then- It is very funny, the Dodgers people, we just picked you up at Union Station and there's hordes of Dodger fans getting on buses. And it almost, it feels almost like, I don't know,

like they're like slaves or something. Yeah. Like a trail of Dodger fans getting on buses and it almost it feels almost like I don't know like they're like Trail of Dodger tears terrific and and they get on these buses outside my bar thousands of them thousands them those people vermin They're great. I have very fast people. There's very good. They're very good people. Yeah, but like every once in a while, there's just a stone-cold retard and like this guy's Coming back everyone's what you do get a guy. It's like his he's he's he's planning on getting shot I have a game. Yeah, you have a lukewarm IQ and like This guy coming back. They all have a lukewarm IQ. Yeah John is that that's not unreasonable John is right

Anyway, so some Dodger fans are like Cool, I like so I dodger regulars like every year I'm like fucking Gilbert great with the airstream trailers like all my Dodger some of them do have no money Because they've spent it all on like Mitchell and Ness like Dodger like a parallel and they I feel like they go when they they sleep in the park and they set up their Fernando Valenzuela Jersey like a tent There is actually some sick-ass gear though like this year I've seen some really that's great Really quick my bar back comes up to me and she's like brand new and she's Like some guys screaming at his girlfriend in the corner. I look over and lo and behold

I see like that that like, you know, like a meme of the guy talking to the girl Yeah, it's like he's like in this woman's face like point like screaming at her and she's standing there like it's two Latinos and You don't say yeah and This guy's like I'm gonna tell you right now Joe he was like six two six three like 220 Dude, he's taught and he's being very aggressive Yeah, they were like arguing over who gets first dibs on a punch He's like I'm gonna marital rape you, but yeah Bitch dog

All right, how about this, we both take turns. You take her to your Dodge Charger and beat the shit out of her. I take her to my Dodge Charger and beat the shit out of her. It was, it was, it was a Latina and Latino. Just two people, a woman and a man. And the man was yelling at the woman and then my bouncer who, I'm gonna be honest with you, love the guy, great guy. He's just not intimidating at all.

Is it the guy that I met? He's not intimidating. The barbeque? No, the bouncer. The b great guy. He's just not intimidating at all. Mm-hmm. Is it the guy that I met? He's not intimidating the bar back Yeah, no the bouncer the bouncer No, no, no, no guys from Philadelphia, it kind of seems like he would be he's like he was like a bouncer at like a Game stop or yeah He's he I've seen him like he's a good bouncer So but he's the part of being a bouncer is when you show up to situation There's got to be a point where you're sitting're going. Oh fuck. This guy's kind of scary Yeah, like you have be six five or be jacked or some shit

Guy goes over there and it's like hey, man You got to go and immediately this six to like 220 pound Latino is like no Like I'm just gonna keep yelling at my girlfriend And I see it get worse and then all of a sudden all these other guys in the bar start coming around and they're like In his face the situations escalating all of a sudden the tears going all three goes one three goes one like all this stuff And I go over and I'm like hey, buddy. You got to leave too and Then he he's possibly up like he's gonna swing gonna start swinging and he starts pushing my bouncer away Cuz people getting close to him

Second he pushed my bouncer about the grabs him starts out. And at this point you are soaking wet, flicking your beard. Well I'm soaking wet because the woman threw her beer in my face. Oh shit, what? I was like, this is great, this is fantastic. And I'm drenched with ice today. He's like, it's not blue!

And then he, the bouncer hits, the guy hits my bouncer right at the threshold, or the bouncer pushes him on the ground. He punches the bouncer Yeah, it's an old my god is a fucking battle royale. Okay, so we ain't for the face hit the shoulder I think so. I don't know what happened I was I was behind him when it happened and then I I see him move like that my bouncer pushes him on the ground And I jump on the guys back and put him in a I'm gonna be honest with you

intense rear naked choke. Like perfect, perfect, perfect arm under the chin. Like you can do nothing. Like my, like perfect. Did he go down? He went down on his fucking face, dude. And I think he busted his teeth out. So you jumped up onto his back? No, no, he went down and then I jumped on top of him

while he's on the ground and I got his back. That's a Maurice. You went Maurice. You went full Maurice. Full a cop on top of him while he's on the ground. I got his back. That's a Maurice I'm so pissed cuz I really wanted to do a leg lock, but I just got the rear naked and I'm squeezing the fuck out of him I'm talking about a body lock with your I want a body lock. Yeah body lock I like it was either rear naked choke or I shit in my hand. I throw it at him Yeah, those are two options. I hit him with my favorite coconut. No, I, uh. I have him in a rear naked choke, so I unzip his pants. Oh shit, get him off. There really is no funnier visual to me

than holding a man against his will and jacking him off. And he just kills me. You have his legs wrapped around your legs, he can't move at all, and he's just like this. You have fearlessly jacked him off. Regardless of how much he hates it, he feels great when he starts credible. There is a moment where he's like,

I'm not gay, I'm not gay, oh, oh! I'm gay! And then he comes and he whispered in his ear, you go, yeah, that's right, baby, I gotcha. I'm literally screaming at him like this, like, do you want, is this what you wanted? Like, I'm screaming. I'm like, is this what you wanted? Like, it's fucking, what did I say? I was like, is this what you wanted like? Did you want it like it's fucking I was I was like

It was crazy cuz it was just like fuck I've never done this to a man And I'm really choking the fuck out of it. He was much bigger than you right he was scary damn Yeah, and I wish and this black lady had her camera out But she was like old and only took two photos and there was nine. Oh, yeah, I was like take a video god damn it Yeah, anyways, I see him start doing that like god damn in that stupid black bitch There's a point when you're getting choked like that where you can't inhale or exhale No, he just started Fucking cock we don't know how to Did he start tapping? No he just started like I can't breathe, I can't breathe And when he started doing that and I was like are you done? Just tap you fucking cuck

We didn't know how to We didn't know how It's a fucking universal tap It's a dumbass It's universal So I realized I'm like I don't want a Daniel Penny in So I'm like are you done? Like you see he stopped moving I get off of him and then my counselor is behind me and was like Yo fuck this guy and then right when I like take off my joke

He just starts assuming another joke Done at this point and my voucher starts cranking his fucking neck Ryan you're fucking him up like don't do this. Also where your neck or get in he didn't Ryan did not That crank yeah, and that might have been why his teeth are bleeding honestly through the thing. He just had him like this. Neck crank. Neck crank, yeah, and that might have been why his teeth were bleeding, honestly.

Oh yeah, definitely, that'll do it. The dude got up and it was just like, Jennifer's body, blood, and I was like, man, you got fucked up by two white boys. Quite an interesting reference for blood. Remember the fucking teeth? Kind of, yeah. Interesting.

But uh. And then a mob of people came up and they were like, Cain Velasquez, I can't believe you're here. Nice to meet you, sir, because I got a picture with you. It was very sick and he was a little bitch. They're like, Maurice you're here. Nice to meet you, sir, because I got a picture with you. It was very sick, and he was a little bitch. They're like, Maurice, it's so good to meet you, man. Yeah, he really like, Maurice. Maurice and Cain Velasquez together?

He really crumbled for a big guy. He looked like a massive. How drunk was he? Oh, he was fucked up, for sure. Yeah, yeah, I mean, if he had his way to, but also being drunk can also be kind of a performance tendency substance. You know what I'm gonna start doing,

if any big drunk guy tries to fight me? I'm gonna pull out a switchblade and cut him and watch all his blood leave his body because it's thinning his blood. You're a drunk! Oh, yeah, squirt, yeah. That's my move. I cut him.

And I go, no, no, not a stab. I just go, really? I grab his head and I go, shee-hee. And so he swipes it. And he's like, what the, whoa! And I go, really? I grab her hand and I go, shee hee. And he's like, he swipes it. And he's like, what the fuck? What the fuck? And I go, you're drunk! Your blood is thinner than ever!

You'll never patch this wound! He goes, you just killed me! He goes, this is like death sentence! Have fun with that wound, Casper! Imagine grabbing a man's wrist and just swiping him! Yeah, like Albert Brooks in Drive when he kills them. He goes, it's OK. It's OK.

It'll be over soon. People never realize that. If you're drunk, it's hard to stop a bleed. He kept threatening to come back. Imagine if that was my move. I've done that. I do it like 10 times a month. You guys are like, Devon, you're almost killing people every Friday.

You're teaching a jujitsu class, and're like, okay class. Here's what we do You know, yes. Oh, here's the knife right now. Come up here. You go come up here Hector Okay, okay Hector you you have to be hammered for this Now watch what I do to his hand guys Now what do we do in a situation like that? Yes, cut the hand you cut the slice it. Mm-hmm, and that's how you do it. And so that will kill him. If he's drunk enough, he will bleed to death on that.

He's gotta be drunk enough. Can't be sober for this. The key is they have to be drunk. That sucked ass, my knee's all fucked up. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, fuck. Is it just bruise or is it scraped or it's scraped I'm bruised like went down on my knee damn. It's all swollen right here. It sucks

But you're a hero again. You are a fucking massive hero Does anyone ever find out about this and how bring you? Not the bouncer No, no, but you're not supposed you should have a back He was way bigger than my bouncer And I just was like cops cops always have to guy one guy you gotta quit that fucking job I'm honestly this is my last daughter season. Yeah, we're gonna work Another bar maybe they hate watch podcast watch yeah, we should

And he needs to eat bananas yeah, You can get a couple days at some- Pick bugs out of some hair. Why don't you get a couple days at a fucking, like one of these like loser joints. These modern bullshit places. The bike shed will hire me like immediately. The bike shed. Oh buddy, that would be so much better.

That would be great. I love that place. It's so fake. It's such a fake biker place. It's very corny, but the fucking food is so good. They have good food. You could go get a tattoo of like Betty Boop in between like eating like eggs bent.

I don't even know where that is. Where is that? It's in like the arts district. It's at the ass end of the arts district. It's really like nice and really clean and totally non-motorcycle culture. Tom Hardy and Hugh McGregor own it. Oh.

I didn't even know that. Oh, they own it? I've been there a hundred times. That's why it's the original locations in London. It's two like two alpha dudes that. Oh, hang on. I've been there a hundred times. Oh, okay. That's why. It's the original locations in London. It's a strange duo. It's two, like, two alpha dudes that are secretly gay as shit. They both love motorcycles.

I don't know, Ewan is like an alpha dude. Well, I guess Ewan's not. Where has Ewan been, by the way? I don't know. He's awesome, man. Ewan, where are you? I mean, he did the Obi-Wan show. That's so decent.

He did a new motorcycle documentary recently. So he's big into motorcycles. He's huge into motorcycles. I didn't know that. He does documentaries where he goes around the world on motorcycles. Yeah, I love Ewan. He seems like the nicest guy.

He's a great actor too. Yeah, he uh. I love Ewan around lately. But the first one was in London, second one was in LA. Okay. Interesting, yeah I like that play. You can get a job there. Tom Hardy's having a little bit of a comeback.

Is he, what's he doing? It seems like he's in that new Pierce Brosnan mob show and show and there's a new movie havoc coming out. They started in I like Tom Hardy, but I'm also getting a little sick of him inventing an accent. That's never existed Yeah, for every character he has I want to have boo every movie He's like he he's kind of he kind of Tom Hardy kind of fell victim to that whole thing We're like Ryan Gosling decided to play autistic guys that don't speak, and Tom Hardy decided to play autistic guys that like do, but they're from like the city. So they always have their hands in their pockets

and they just have, they run a bar but they have an accent that's not from New York. Well, you know, I don't know. Yeah, the accent in the drop is fucking nuts. I love the drop. We don't know where you're coming from and then people are going to wonder about what he was Sort of autistic in that yeah, but every movie he plays even in the bike riders. He's like what he's saying

Well, right is it we're going to you're like who are you? You're from a land that doesn't exist. He doesn't in venom as well. Yeah, you're right all of his bike riders He does it. I love them. I think it's Venom as well. Yeah, you're right all of his bike riders. He does it. I love him. I think it's Like a trick cowardly trick He's afraid to act he's a power great act Pattinson does the same thing. He always picks a weird fucking accident. Oh like in Mickey 17 Get shot every day and I'm dumb, you know where that started the hearty was that prohibition movie he did

Yeah with Tom Holland Friend was my friend was in that movie and was on set and he said he would just take a piss wherever he wanted And Jason Clarke Where's Jason Clarke then he was in that second Planet of the Apes movie Don's fucking great in that Don's the best one. He was John Connor like four Terminators ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was actually at, oh he was in Oppenheimer last year as well. I hope he's enjoying himself.

Welcome back to the movie pod. You know who, speaking of flicks folks, speaking of flicks, I mean, you know who's never letting the system take him down is the great Alec Baldwin. Are you pouring Guinnesses into a thermos off screen? You don't really get why you're doing that. Cause I don't have any cups. Can I see it? Why don't you just drink it out of the can?

That's sick. Connor, any self-respecting fucking Mick knows you don't drink Guinness out of the can. Sorry, sorry. Actually, I think those cans are designed. There's a ball in it. In here? I thought that too.

Really? No, no, no, you're not. You're supposed to pour them. You're supposed to pour them really best enjoyed poured into a glass so in your boyfriend's ass oh am I right best enjoyed in your boyfriend's ass mm-hmm I find that a little uh a little old driven oh I find that old and I thought that was a really good one yeah I'm gonna stop I kind of think that's the heart beat of the show. I'm gonna stop. Those are my favorite jokes. Well, I'm over it. Well, too bad for you, bud.

It's a box cutter. Speaking of movies, Rust. Dude, the trailer's out. Hell yeah. This movie's real. They made this movie. Can we watch this? I mean, whatever.

We can't buy it out. I think we can. We haven't gotten banned for anything in a really long time. We've watched, I think you just get copyrighted and we've never made a cent on YouTube because we care about the people and we want to give the people what they want

and do the best show possible. Yeah, so Rust, it's a movie about a gunslinger who has it out for cinematographers. He's in the Old West, he's traveling the Old West, and he just keeps, he keeps trying to find anybody behind a camera, he can shoot right between the eyes. Turn your head into a canoe. He's like, I hear there's a cinematographer in Laredo.

Wouldn't be a great rewrite. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And then it's just, it's Rust. And he's in the town, and they go, everybody runs into the saloon. Woo! Rust walks in and he goes, I heard there's a cinematographer that only uses natural sunlight in this town. I gotta hit Silver City, there's a Cinematog. Faulty prop master. A bounty hunter told me you guys have an armorer

who isn't really trained. I heard there's a blue haired dyke armorer in this town. By the way, I'm glad we're on the same page just assuming his name is Rust in the movie. I don't know if it is. He's not Rust. Yeah. Rust!

He's gotta be Rust. I hope so. He better be Rust. Let's check it out. He goes, hello, it's me be Rust. I hope so. He better be Rust. Let's check it out. He goes, hello, it's me, Rust. How does his freaking gun work? It's me, Rust. Anyone know gun safety?

It's me, Rust. He's holding the gun on somebody. He's like, put the camera down. It would have been sick if they just rewrote it and decided to make it about a guy who kills cinematographers. Yeah. That'd be really fun. They should just made the movie meta as hell.

I would like to see a 3D release. Yeah. Right? 3D. And he's pointing the gun at the camera and the bullet whizzes like, yeah. You're like, ooh. It goes through the woman's head

and then the brain matters coming out of the crowd. People are reaching. The whole movie is Alec Baldwin riding town to town, and he keeps shooting those guys that used to take the pictures where it, you know, the smoke, it explodes, the old timey pictures. He's just riding through town like, pshh!

You guys mind if I get a picture? Okay, yeah. You ready? Okay. Ready? Boom! Thanks. There's nothing more I hate than someone behind a camera. Guys let's go see Russ in 40X.

I'm so excited to see this. Nice silhouette of Cowboy. Beautiful. Looks great. The only order that exists in this world is the order we impose. Do you hear about the fella that shot our director? We're all actors here, fella. There's marijuana on this set. Do you hear the Albuquerque PD are heading straight towards us because Lee in the movie

shot the director armor likes to party a little bit you hear that daky tattooed armor loaded the gun with real bullets looks like we're in pretty big trouble partner this movie This movie won't be released for years You see her body cam He's got nothing holy shit Holy shit. God bless the wicked. I mean it kind of looks okay just like from the shots. Yeah. You know it looks better than like what was that fucking awful movie with Christian.

Remember that. They don't make those. Oh hostels. Hostels was a piece of shit. Yeah he keeps working with that guy. Bale? Yeah Bale what's the director's name? He made a crazy heart and out of the furnace Scott Cooper Scott Cooper

Yeah, one hit wonder and bales attached himself to what was his one hit? Fucking no crazy heart crazy. I'm like Oscars and one best picture and all that stuff his first movie like like that of the first Okay, I don't understand the end of out of the furnace where it all leads up to Christian Bale like finally needing to kill these psychopaths and he keeps using a like a World War II rifle that he has to keep like cocking. I'm like, what a terrible idea, you dumb ass. He's gonna take down this criminal ring

with a musket real quick. I'll be right back. They continue to pay my bills he goes to ask Johnny advice for you never pick up a camera. The kid's asking him questions about who he is, and he's like, you heard about me? Yeah, I hate people that film in 169. Feller down in Silver City liked to use film instead of digital.

I blew his head straight off. No one can tell the difference. He's pretentious. It's all just self satisfying bullshit. You show me 70 millimeter next to a 4K projection and you tell me what the difference is. No one, not Scorsese, not Paul Thomas Anderson, not Christopher Norton. He goes no one can tell you

He goes, you know Sean Baker shot tangerine on an iPhone You know Vista visions a bunch of shit time to digitize He goes time to digitize, it's 2025. He didn't cheerly add about the pot. He goes, time to digitize. Just like spit some pizza cartilage out. He's post made some food to fire. Time to digitize.

We gotta bring Hollywood Watch back for this movie. For Rust, yeah, we'll do it for Rust. I'm pretty sure, didn't the shooting happen in a church? Yeah. I think that might be the place. Oh. Oh no! Put the camera down! rest have an eight-way down near the one of us

is that a camera on you? he goes somebody put real bullets in this gun what if his idea of a duel was like you take a camera we and I have a gun ten paces So if you feel me you win and if I kill you I win We're done around you try to take a picture and I try to shoot you in the head. It goes tomorrow tomorrow golden hour Wow, she's not listed in the credits. She's dead. Well, she still worked on some of it That's so cold hard. I think well, she's not listed in the credits. Well, she's dead. Well, she still worked on some of it.

That's so cold-hearted. Like, well, she's dead, so, well, moving on. She's listed in the cemetery. She was in the obituaries listed in the LA Times this week. That's how they acted. Everyone was like, well, I guess there's more Cheez-Its and Goldfish for me. Somebody doesn't need lunch. Somebody just got extra Cheez-Its.

More mini Gatorades for me. Oh, liquid death, don't mind if I do. He's at craft services, he's like, can I have an extra scoop of the poor Cheez-Its? I mean, someone's gotta eat it. What was the lady's name? Helena Hutchins. Can I have an extra scoop for the protein I mean someone's got to eat it what was the lady's name Helena Hutchins can I have Helena Scoop please? let's call Helena Scoop they go okay who gets Helena Scoop today?

I mean Helena's not gonna miss it guys we're drawing straws for Helena Scoop everybody get can I have Helena's cappuccino? They go, no, fuck off. Everyone here will get a Helena cappuccino at one point. Mama was like, no, shut up, it's mine. I get her, I killed her.

That's all West rule, so I kill you, I get it. He's like fucking Boba Fett. He goes, I killed her, it's my scoop. You didn't kill her. If you killed her, it would be, you could have her scoop, but you didn't I do all the dirty work on this fucking set My scoop my kill. How long did they take a break from filming before they resumed it? Um, I don't know. That had to be the craziest coming back to set moments. Yeah, Alec Baldwin would be like, so that was crazy

Yeah, yeah. Did he come back? the Baldwin come back. I know they they film more I think he must I don't know where they had filmed the whole movie by the time Well, I wonder if they just changed the story big time like they kill him off Yeah Do you think he's only gonna be on like a press run for this movie like do you know like the red carpet? Of this movie. He's also so shameless right now with Hilarious. Yeah, he's doing so shameless right now with Hilaria. Yeah, he's doing that whole reality show

where she just keeps fucking, you know, kicking him in the nuts and bad and calling him a little like fucking idiot. Going to the red carpet premiere of this as Alec Baldwin's gotta be the coolest move of all time. Like just getting your photo taken on the red carpet. Everyone's too afraid to do it. I'm actually surprised there's any pictures of him anymore.

You would think people would be terrified of him. He's on the red carpet, just like, hinting that he has a gun in his waist. He does that to the paparazzi, he goes, alright, cool. Here he is talking about his relationship with Hilario. We go out to the mall, we meet him all. And her boyfriend comes in, I'm like, hey, alright, cool. Here he is talking about his relationship with Hilaria. We meet them all, and her boyfriend comes in, I'm like, hey, how you doing? And I was like, I'm going to stay over here.

And you can't pay attention to what he's saying. He's standing right here talking to me. Sometimes I see a woman like this, and for whatever reason I can't help but think, I wonder if there's something beyond, like she's annoying, but I wonder if also she takes like huge shit. That would be, how? I don't know, just like that's her weird thing,

where you like get a girl that's all petite and shit, and then you wife her up and stuff, and then you're like all, like the first week of like living together, you're like, oh my gosh. Yeah. Taking fucking. It's coming up out of the bowl somehow. Yeah, it's like Cleveland steamers like every day.

And she won't flush for some reason. I feel like every. She's a huge pig. I feel like every girl I know takes huge shits because every girl I know goes, I haven't shit in three days. Almost every girl I've ever met is like, I haven't shit in like three or four days.

They are always constipated. Yeah, so when they finally release, it's gotta be gigantic. I mean, I think every man likes to imagine that you know We don't want to think they ever have to take a shit But when we have to come to grips with the fact that they do we like to think it's like little rabbit turds Yeah, I like to picture that it's just diarrhea diarrhea Diarrhea, it's like really like refined. Yeah, so it's not gross. Yeah

It's not gross. It's piss out your ass. Of course, of course. It's not gross. It's not gross. Yeah. It's not gross, it's piss out of your ass. Of course, of course. It's diarrhea, it's not gross. It's not gross, dumbass. It's diarrhea. Gavin is such a fucking wise ass, by the way. He's over at my house uploading Jock Weeks the other day and he's like, you know, cause I have way faster internet

and there's like a moment of silence and he goes, he's like, Joey, by the way, I know that you and Connor like have this bit about how you love doing diarrhea We should really you should really try silly must first of all, it's insulting. It's not a bit So so I had my own really got upset. I was like fuck. Did you just say to me? I almost kicked his ass. We had a stare down Yeah, we had like a like it was it was an intense moment where Joey goes

I'm not gonna walk around with a big toxic log in my Cuz Devin doesn't realize that cuz he goes I take one dump every 24 hours big log and then I go every 24 hour Well, whatever however long you're Hauling these big logs around you're just representing the science You're storing a huge log Splash Mountain Costa exactly and see picking to your other organs, too Yeah, you're hauling around a seeping log Comes out in those picture gets taken But I I was I almost fucking grabbed you by the bridges Devon's like you should really think about silly and ask you give me your arm and you cut

I've actually never heard you so happy about something I'm telling you it it my life like all of yours It used to be revolved around constantly like knowing like you show up to a place You're gonna need to like take you know your shitty dump my favorite Yeah, shitty fuck. You're also you're also like I love shitting no. I love shitting. It's great No, it's not occupying a lot of time like you guys need to maximize your efficiency and just get on the psyllium No, it's like actually being healthy is one of the ways that it's okay to spend time on mm-hmm So if I'm releasing top over here and literally like you all really take I have hand dumps

It's unbelievable. I've done like once you guys always need to take shit Whatever we are I don't need to I'm trying to be always constantly Constantly fucking he's like up his ass is like a diarrhea well. Yeah Yeah, yeah, all right. I think even more of like an escape hatch Constantly fucking he's like up his ass is like a diarrhea well Yeah Yeah, yeah, all right. I think even more of like an escape hatch. You know I mean absolutely You're flushing toxins. I've gone through the whole thing million times. I don't get it doesn't understand science Yeah, also having diarrhea is the furthest away from being gay also. Oh, yeah, you have these big gay Crazy I'll take it. I'll take it. You know you'll take we're straight as hell We're pissing in our brass like straight guys sure anyways sure

By the way joke world I'm coming for you Bitch don't say anything until the dough don't joke world's a good man. No. He's not yes He is odd joke world is doing his best. Jokeworld's a fraud! No, he's dealing with a website that is rampant with fraud. Sure. I'm not gonna go into it, but Jokeworld... You know what the fuck I'm talking about, bitch. Hatewatch needs to be in the bracket next year, and that's all I'll say for now.

Now keep me out of your shit bracket! No! We wanna be in it! No we don't, it's worthless. No, we need, it'd be. Look at the fuck about Jokeworld. Jokeworld. Elephant graveyard. Go negative more often, maybe I'll care about you then.

How about at graveyard do an episode about fucking Jokeworld? How about that? Yeah, now we're talking. Jokeworld. This is the opening scene. Jokeworld's a good man. Elephant graveyard.

Jokeworld's a good man. Fuck him. This week, my life was threatened by a drunk man with rampant diarrhea. Okay, well now I have to explain what's going on. No, no, no. We'll talk about it later. You can't say that and then expect me not to explain. No, we'll bring it up next week.

Let's milk it. Stop right there. We gotta wait for the competition to be over. No, you can't do it. That's terrible podcasting to not now explain. We gotta wait for the comps.im. Stop right there. I refuse to let you do what you're trying to do right now. Podcasting to not now explain and I'm right there and you

Do what you're trying to do right now, so here's my experience last night Hey, but I'm trying to if this is terrible potting let me try to tell the goddamn story That's what I'm doing right now. So last night I I started it. Yeah, let's not I get a panicked phone call from Devin and it's an otter. It's like you get a lot of these if you're friends with an otter So I'm used to it Yeah, I'm used to these calls so he's like oh my god the history here so he goes oh my god They're rigging the vote. I think are you garbage is cheating

They're rigging the vote. I think are you garbage is cheating So I and I assume like always Devin's being hysterical little context so so then let him add some context Shut up. I just gonna be fast and then you can respond So then yeah, you take a turn I won't cut you off when you do this Jesus Christ Holy shit So I go into the votes and they're losing by like 500 votes or something It's not a big, you know deficit. So I'm like, okay. Yeah, how is this treating? But then David can let's just be okay. I'll get some bots myself. I know how to get bots So then I was the king of Filipino box. Yes. So I buy a thousand votes.

And I'm like, OK, done. You win. But then I'm about to go to sleep or so on the phone. I see they go up by a thousand votes. They were. And now go ahead and get. All right. Well, so listen, all day. Eleven party. I've been making jokes to everybody like, hey, rig it. No one was really rigging it. We just had fans like that were supporting and voting a lot or whatever, right?

And we were up by like fucking 2,000 votes. We're all at the bar and I'm like, damn, we're fucking kill, we're really going, all right. And I don't care, but I do because last year it was rigged against us. We never promoted it and we were still having a good chance and then fucking some other podcast, Rick Glassman's podcast, pump the numbers up out of nowhere.

I always thought you were lying about that too. I found this whole web fraud. These guys like to act like they don't care and they secretly, they're texting their producers and they're going like, we can't lose to this fucking, are you fucking kidding me? They're like throwing shit at their producer. I know it's happening.

So we are just doing a grassroots thing and winning by way of just having some fucking you know There's there's some actual enthusiasm behind lemon party and shit. We're trying to do it the right way We're trying to do it the right way. We just keep so we were having fun with this year I keep tweeting about it like everyone fight fight fight. We got to win this thing It's meaningless But I think it would be funny for a podcast that has never really doesn't ever have any guests on to beat all these shows That are like that would be big shows so whatever and I so and if it's if we fairly lose I'm fine with that. So yesterday we're out at the bar

We're up by like two. We're up by like 1,800 votes. I'm like hell. Yeah our fan base fucking rules We hang out I get home at 3 a.m. And I and we were I check it and all of a sudden Are you garbage's leapfrog they like 4,000 votes and I go are you in the middle of the night they didn't tweet they didn't do anything no they never tweeted about it or anything so I go I can't I just can't I can't handle this I we will fight fire with fire you want to play that game it's a fucking it's a space where it's a space race at this point so I hit up jelly who's the king of fraud and I go

let's fucking do this thing So it takes me like 20 minutes to give it to Joey. I'm not just a complete sad fact Yeah, explain the metrics like how is it impossible for them to get that many votes? Well, so first of all, it's just like imagine how many people thousands of people at 4 a.m. Do no Well, here's the metrics. I've every no podcast has gotten more than like 3,000 natural votes Okay, they had like 3700 and they went from 600 to like 3700 Here's the metrics. I've every no podcast has gotten more than like 3,000 natural votes Like 3,700 and they went from 600 to like 3,700. It's like Joe Rogan has 300 votes Yeah, and then like the next like Matt and Shane have like 450 votes And then suddenly in the middle of the night

Are you garbage without having tweeted or done anything to promote it goes up like thousands of votes, right? So at the time I didn't really realize this. I just thought I didn't look at the other numbers and stuff. And in the middle of the night when everyone, what's out of the world's awake in the middle of the night? Exactly. Filipino happening. I'm checking.

My bread and my damn butter. You're like it's 2 PM in Bangladesh right now. They're fucking raping us. I'm checking their stats. Bing bong. Bing bong. Wake up, bing bong. Take your chicken into the backyard!

I gotta talk to you! Microwave your monkey brains and get on right now! So, so... Bing Bong! Come on! Get cracking! Do not talk to me until I've had my cup of diarrhea, please! Yeah, it's just somebody playing with their cobra. So fucking, so Joey and I, we're on the phone for an hour

like cackling and Joey's got like three different Indians. Like we go on Upwork, we're like, let's just do this thing. How much is it? Like 24 bucks for an hour? Let's fucking, I just go, just get us ahead. Cause this is bullshit. Sure, just to even the score. They cheat it, we'll cheat the same amount back

and then we'll let it run its course. So we go to sleep, I wake up, we have like 18,000 votes. But then they do, they have like 16,000. I go, oh my God, it's a race against who's paying for more bots. This is, they're, they're, And this is why I started world first on this to go into this is because So then I started messaging joke world on Instagram and I was like So after we finally took the lead he instantly made the vote scores hidden

So that happens every year apparently. So then he eventually explains, we actually did, that was a weird coincidence. I understand why you think that, but we do that every year. You can check, like everybody knows that. Then I was like, okay, fine. But then- But it's really affecting us,

because we don't know how to tell our Indian guy how much, how many more votes to pump us up to, because we need to see the score. So we're using two different kinds of tech. To, I'll break down the tech a little bit here. We were using high tech Indians and low tech Indians. We have a, yeah, we have a, we have a Sumi, Chamdon and Dagmar.

Well, you're forgetting Chandor. Chandor, Chandor, Chandor is a sleepy bozo, but when he's up, he's good. He's actually like a tech genius Chandor is able to see the votes The code and like I like like you said earlier, you know, sue me is like a Dagmar's Chamden. No, Sumi makes Dagmar look like Chandor. Because Sumi actually has a warehouse. That makes me laugh so hard.

Sumi's great. Sumi has a team of Indian guys. Yeah, they have an actual warehouse. And earlier today, we were like, Sumi, we don't know how much we're down, but we need this to keep going because we need to at least have a fighter's chance here. Oh, Mr. Johnny, I can I can't do I don't know how

She was tired she said it's four If they can't see the score my team don't want to stop and I said just tell them not to stop Joey goes 24 hours I go get them clicking they're just click click click click no sleeping no eating click click okay Shrewy come on I go Chandra's gonna be awake any minute, we don't even need you, okay? When Chandra wakes up, you get zero as Chandra wakes up. Get damn tricky!

So then at one point, Shoobee goes, but it is, late in the day, it is 4.30 a.m., we must sleep, and Joey goes, no sleep! Wake him up! No sleep, wake up, we need this! Because now we're just like, we've created like a thing that we just, we've invested too much time. Okay, but then here's the point that I was about to make

is that, so we also don't know when this round of voting stops. We don't. And I wanted to end the bidding war cause we keep having to pay more every time you, 10,000 votes is like 200 bucks. And really quick, I wanna say, we wouldn't be doing this if it was natural. We're fighting a rig.

And I just we weren't initially rigging anything. I would do it anyway. It's just. Well, now we know people don't play fair. But then so I'm like, well, how do we find out exactly when this round of of polling ends so that we can wait for the last minute? Pay Chandor to for like what The exact amount of votes that we need so we can stop this bidding world. We're driving each other up. The argue garbage fatso's are- They keep sending-

Well they're nice guys. We don't need them. They're fraudsters. We're not beefing with them. They're fucking pieces of shit and they're fat. They're fraudsters or joke world is a fraudster. And I'm a fraudster too. A fraudster. I'm not going to be out-frauded by a bunch of garbage men.

The Dominion garbage men. There's a big time fraud coming out of our garbage. They were saying that they thought the Dominion machines was a Domino's. They go Domino's machines? Like well now we have these damn machines. We thought they was gonna give us pizza, but now it just rigs votes. I guess we have to rig the votes.

Spend $400 on Domino's. Okay, but so anyways, I go, how do we find out the exact time that it ends? I know, I will message Jokeworld, but here's the thing. It'll seem so obvious if I just say like, hey, when does it end? Just curious, when does this round end? You'll know that I'm doing fraud.

So here is my work around. I go, hey Joke World, big fan. I work with the R U Garbage guys. And we're just kind of curious, when does this round end? Meanwhile, he can see the votes skyrocket. So now he sees that and he's like, oh, this must be fraud by R U Garbage. And if it's not, then it's probably him.

So. I don't think Joke World's fucking rigging anything. Well, it's not, then it's probably him. So. I don't think Joke World's fucking rigging anything. Well, it's one of the two options. I don't know what it is. Hey, listen, it could be an R U Garbage fan that paid. Maybe they have some psycho fan that just is doing it for them. I don't fucking know.

That's actually a legitimate, possibly. It's probably not him. Guys, I'm so sorry. They likely don't care. Moment of clarity, his head is so funny. Oh, yeah. I guess they have yeah, maybe somebody else did it. Now there's no crazed fan who's spending hundreds of dollars on a Lemon Party.

Yeah. Much bigger show. But who's spending hundreds of dollars to win this Snow Offense joke? I think it's a thing where these- Are they shamb of a contest? I think it's these, I think a lot of these people just go, they get down to the, and even though it doesn't matter they go who the fuck is lemon party

We're not gonna lose some whatever show like that or Chuck world's like this is not gonna be good business if lemon party wins That's not a great video for me to make however if the big fat guys from the garbage man win Yeah, then I could do a video Numbers if they win so maybe Let me so I'm trying to stop to steal joke world is a good man. I support joke world. We've been fucking around I don't want I don't want the lemon party fans to be too crazy I know there's been a lot happening today last thing on this. I'll say though joke world I kept kind of pretending that I worked with the RU Garbage guys and

Joey pretended to work for the RU Garbage podcast and then admitted that they were raking in. He's like listen man I'm sitting here I'm sitting here with Foley and Kevin Drake. I got Kevin and Foley laughing their freaking ass what you cuz he responded to my first message with just like He's like lol and I go yeah lol Folie are doing that too But when does the round end oh And then then I go then he, he clicked out of my profile. He realized that I pod with you.

Yeah, probably. And he saw, so he's like, I know you don't work with R U Garbage. And then I'm like, okay, I'm gonna fucking just be straight up with you. So wait, so then what? I go, I don't, but I do suspect fraud by R U Garbage. And I-

I suspect fraud by argue garbage And then I said, okay Here's the info that I have I gave him the stats and the hourly breakdown the timeline everything and I said also You send me the IP addresses from their voters. I promise you it's all proxies and then joke brother goes like yeah Yeah, I'll look right into that back to his day day, he's okay with fraud, at the very least. At the very least, he's complicit and he knows about it. He's doing nothing. I don't know if they have the capabilities to handle it getting to this extent.

That's so easy to handle, it's so easy. I mean, I think they're just running a contest because they do what they do and they're just trying to help and whatever. I don't think they know. So I told them I'm going public in this Do you have a response we're going public with this he didn't respond oh boy well this is there This is this is a response huge

Listen This is public this is it yeah, I gave you a chance We're just we're just we're just letting you know there's some holes in the system here, and after a while, it's hard to just stand by and keep getting fucking, you know, raped by the system. Turn a blind eye, yeah. We're being raped by the system. You're freezing us and breaking us. For Christ sakes!

Joe Girl, there's ballot harvesting going on. You're burning us! Yes! You're burning us! Joe Girl, you got her legs and arms pinned, you're jacking us off against our will. So... I was on the phone with Joey for an hour last night.

We were having some fun. It was 4am, I got home hammered, and I checked in and I was just like furious, I'm like are you fucking kidding me? And I'm in bed, I have my covers off. I call Joey, I'm laying next to my phone and Joey's like alright, this is it.

But then once I saw that they were doing fraud, I was like, okay, get up. Every minute their votes would go up and I was like, well it's the middle of the night. I was getting really tired though, but after like an hour he was like, okay, this is good. I'm like, my eyes are like closed, I can't. Like I keep nodding off. I go you wake up Screamed at me and then I go alright, but we so we you know, I go well listen we got sue me Chamdav and Dagmere Let's see how it goes in the morning and I wake up and we were up what we have like 18,000 votes We were oh

Yeah, we ended up like 20k The best part was we didn't re- We actually, Joey, we didn't understand how they had so many more votes too. And Joey goes, the first message I had this morning was, DC, I think this Indian went rogue. I think he got pissed or something and he's voting for them. There was a text on the group chat this morning

that killed me too. It's just Joey goes, I got mad at my Indian and it's a screenshot. Probably Sumi. Yeah, I yelled at my Indian this morning. Sum Joey goes I got mad at my Indian and it's a screenshot Yeah yelled at my Indian this morning I guarantee you my He's a sweetheart They're all those people so I'll have to clarify that point. I was completely wrong I was so confused by the bop behavior that I was like is

This like a way to extort more money from me like they pump up my opponent's votes So now I have to pay them for more votes. And then I realized, no, that's impossible because they would still need to buy proxies for both. So they'd be giving them, they'd have to spend money. They'd be losing money on that. So it's something's up. It's Joke World.

It's a fraud. Or it's the garbage man. Or it is. It's a fan. And that's a way, way like, you know, that's a possibility that it's like I almost will not consider it all. But yeah, it's a one percent chance or something that it's a crazy fan. I guess hundreds of dollars we asked for is a fair system here, you know,

the fair democracy. Democracy dies in darkness and we just we just wanted a fair election. And, you know, we were we were having a grassroots fucking movement happening And then you know they tried to like rig it like like like we're Bernie. You know we were Bernie Yeah, and that and and the problem with Bernie is he didn't fight dirty, and we're gonna fight back dirty You know so also after this we have Cham Dove is on that we he's gonna wake up soon, and we They respond yeah, he respond he's we could pay him for 10. We were paying for 10,000 votes 200 It's 200 bucks for 10k. We're gonna pay during a during a then. I'll you $100 right now

Go back to the pot. I'll do it. We'll get back to the pot because we don't know when this election ends Wait, what is this election that? Hold on, Ben's texting. We think, so we've like... Oh, we're ahead, we're ahead, we're within what? Sick. We're ahead. How much, Ben? Hold on, let's call Ben right now. Go on. Are you on the Bluetooth?

No, but I can just put it up to the... Okay. I mean, if anyone, if the RE garbage guys see this thing like these most insane people Benjamin I was up all night screaming at Indians Like what the fuck is joke world like who the fuck are these guys whose joke world and who are these guys? Come on how many fucking how much can you play with your daughter? It's just texting you to just probably talking to sue me. Unbelievable. It's because it's on, you know, he puts his phone on fucking.

They're not the star. Well, so where did you see that we were? OK, so somebody said the the margin is one K, but AYG votes are growing. Oh, my God. OK, as much closer. Maybe they're fucking maybe Alex actually got us some vote I think we maybe did so then so then oh no, I bet fucking sue me woke up Soobie! Soobie! Soobie! Soobie! Soobie! Soobie! Soobie! And now Chandler, I can do another 10k. Should I? Yeah, just fucking just, just fucking bury him. Can you tell him the 10k can carry over to the next round? No, no, no.

Oh, if we win, if it expires before the 10k, no, he's gonna be able to execute on 10k like within an hour or less. Yeah. Alright, that's good. I's gonna be only execute on 10k like within an hour or less. Yeah. All right, that's good I'm gonna say take care right now Incredible stuff you're part of a network. I'm telling I'm telling them we're paying chamdav for 10k to just to make sure for lemon buddy. 10,000 votes for lemon buddy please. What is that? He gave his score because he's also monitoring the score. Okay.

So I just said that's more votes. And that's more votes. He'll do it. I'll say send proposal. Beautiful. Send location. That's. All right.

Beautiful stuff. Incredible stuff incredible incredible stuff One more time. What is the line? I? Go shoo me Makes daggers look like Chandor It's one of the funniest lines I've ever heard. Sumi makes Dagmar look like Jamdur. Ah, fraud is fun. Oh, it's so fun.

This was so fun. Because once something is up, it's like you get like carte blanche and be like, all right, let's fucking, we can, let's fuck around with this. By the way, thank God I choose not to use this for like actual monetary gain like my fraud skills, right? Yeah, you're really you're you're amazing for a prey calls I do it for like fun little boats where I have nothing again It's but I could show easily just deep fraud. It was so funny last night It felt like it felt like when you like bring something to a scientist

And they're not there initially they're like they like write you off. They're like no no no you're being crazy And you have to fight them like no I'm telling you like a scene of a movie like this like a symbiote And you're like I'm telling you check the math And so the first 20 minutes Joey's just berating me, telling me I'm a crazy maniac, bozo retard, coop. And then 20 minutes and I hear him on the phone, it's like, because I just had it on speaker and then like some silence passes and Joey goes, hold on, something's up here.

Yeah, the little thing moved a little bit and he's like, whoa, okay, this should be good. Hey, DC, I am seeing some fraud. You broke the ODD event horizon, you went through it. He's like, whoa, okay, this should be good. DC, I am seeing some fraud. You broke the ODD event horizon, you went through it. He's like, hey. Fuck. Well, I don't even know, how do we get back in the Baldwin after that?

Why not, yeah. This week. All right, so this is Baldwin and Hilarion on the show, The Baldwins. Anybody watch the actual full apps no it's on HBO I've been thinking about it, but it feels like it's just a bunch of fucking like it's just making them look good It's not you know it's not like he's sitting there talking about like you know listen when that bullet went straight through her eyes I felt alive for the first seven years

I just want to see him talk about being a murderer, but this is on his relationship with Ireland Baldwin Pay attention to where the little pig is standing is Ireland the other piggy that I think so the daughter You know you're a fucking little pig you big fat. She was like four years old He's like you fucking pig you never pick up the phone. Did you know you're a little fucking pig you know that right? I'm your father. You're a little eight year old, you're a pig. Hey, hey, you're probably playing with your rubber ducky in the tub aren't you, you fucking idiot. You're probably face down in a trough right now aren't you, you little fucking pig. I think he's been sober since that incident. Look at the, look at his eyes though man. Isn't that, it's insane, that's the eyes of a sober

man. He's so tired. That makes no sense. He's an old guy! He's a fucking lousy. He looks like he is obsessed with sleepovers. He looks like he's constantly getting no sleep and he's waiting for his mom to pick him up. He looks like he stays up on Call of Duty. He stayed up all night playing Call of Duty. He looks like he stays up all night contacting Indian call centers to rig an election.

He looks like he stayed up all night fucking punching in the tank cheat code in GTA. He's just riding around town. You're talking to me, I'm sitting there looking at him going, and he's looking at me going, yeah, you know, the show and this and that and this. I'm like, you have like a baseball bat that you stuff into your pants every day.

How does that work for you? What? Let's move on from that subject. It wasn't on my list of... What the fuck did you just say? I thought it had to be me. I'd watch your tone if I were you. Because you'd be a real fucking brave standing behind that camera.

Say it, it's just me. It's a guy. Ah! Alec and Hilaria Baldwin are taking a trip down memory lane. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Access Hollywood. Access Hollywood. Oh, this sheet, they have a wet, they have a... I met your mother in New York. She was with two friends of hers. Why, what the fuck? I was with my friend, Brandon. He looks dead. Where the hell's Brandon?

What do they bring? Like, this is a show. Simple Jack. They go, here. Here's our retarded pedophile friend, Brandon. We met in the Red Room. He comes to this everywhere, Brandon. Yeah, little boy pussy makes him ha ha ha happy.

We're at this place, and I'm with my two girlfriends, and we're drinking a glass of wine, and my friend, she hit me. She like whacked me, she's like, hey, Alex Baldwin is looking at you. Did you even know who Alex Baldwin was? I knew who he was because I had seen Working Girl a few times because yeah, yeah, I really liked Working Girl. And one time I was holding, I was filming with my iPhone and he pointed a gun at me. He was looking at me and I waved at him. Sweeties, don't listen to your mom. She's a stupid beater, okay? I do, but you know what I was like, I'll use one of us.

You're a pig, she's a beater. Shut up. And when I was a big she's a beater Had to walk right by together you guys make Make me hungry together imagine my life coming home every night to a pig I've had the taste of blood and I show absolute restraint not blowing the head off of everyone in this fucking family. It's the only time I was happy. I mean honestly it's a miracle my wife hasn't made Al Pastor out of my shit daughter. I want to cook her underground.

Sometimes I think about putting a little pineapple slice on top of my daughter and biting her stupid pig head off. Hey, why don't you bite down this apple, pig? I have some guacamole salsa I want to put on my daughter's head. A little pineapple, chop her fucking stupid pig head off. Some parents say time out, we say luau, that's what I say. He's being cringy too because that's like a really bad line. Looks like magic, look at it. Look at us now.

Then while eating with two of Alex's friends who are visiting the area. A lot of people don't stress the guy who shot a cinematographer. I shot a cinematographer. So Alec Baldwin walks into the room while this lady's talking and she gets shot right through her eye. Like a Mo Green. Like Mo Green, yeah. They're 20 feet. He's on a rooftop two miles away. It's like the perfect shot Age difference is

I'm always insecure even though when I went to have dinner with him. I felt like was a big deal He squeezed Tom. He's like, so what's the windage? He's 26 years older than you, and I was like, oh. She did date people who were age-appropriate for her. When I met her, she was very young. So they were very young. And I'd meet them, and I was like, you know. OK, I get it. They're very handsome and very super fit guys. I do love him.

And he's fun. He's interesting. I was watching him. He's awesome. I love it. He's very good-looking. I started remembering him. He's super talented.

Yeah, I mean, Jack Donnie in Rocks is like one of the funniest characters. Hilaria then joked why she chose Alec. But I wanted to have my kids and I wanted them to look good and that's why. I'm a fake binger. Isn't that her whole thing? She fakes being Spanish. She'll go in and out of a an accent Is her name is also not even hilarious right she like changed her name. Yeah her name. Yeah Yeah, it's her names like Kelsey or does she have any Spanish descent? I have no idea I think that was the whole thing when it all came out. She's not at all

Yeah, it's like on the Kinsey Durn thing Maybe she goes and spends time in Mexico and she picks it up around them. She's like trans racial kind of I think she like Lindsay Lohan did that too. Remember she was like an Arab for a minute. Yeah, Lindsay Lohan was trying to like kidnap like Arab kids and she was like, she was just. Oh my God, I forgot about it. And there's that live stream video of Lindsay Lohan

being like. What are you gonna do about that? You're gonna do that? You're gonna do that? Can we watch that? That's so awesome. I like that. That was awesome.

It's so awesome that Hollywood just like melt people's brains. Yep. She gets slapped by a gypsy in the video for stealing a child. You're awesome. That was awesome. It's so awesome that Hollywood just like melt people's brains. Yep. She gets slapped by a gypsy in the video for stealing a child. You're doing, you're treating. What? Yeah, in a serious video?

I don't remember. You start treating like a Yemeni child, like a French bulldog you want. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, people are stealing Lady Gaga's Yemeni children. Yeah. Steals Arab kid.

I mean, you always, you're not gonna find. Oh wow. Lindsay Lohan. What else, Lindsay Lohan? Children yeah Steals Arab kid Tries to kidnap refugee John what else would he looked up? What okay, let's just watch I was watching watching watching so I can help you Hello Do you want to stay in the hotel tonight? Do you want to watch movies? Do you watch a movie? Yeah? He's so cool, right? You're like, hello there, right?

Watch a movie, Auntie. With her family! Literally, the kid's with her family, but Lindsay Lohan has such that American, you know, Hollywood arrogance. She just thinks they're like two, like, homeless people, like, holding on to the kid. They don't... She can't fathom that's their daughter or son. It's like that video of the kangaroo holding the dog. Like you know what I'm talking about? It's like we won't let it go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We won't let it go. Yeah. Let's go. Let's go. You should not have them on the floor. She'll be a hardworking woman. You should not have them on the floor. Should be a hardworking woman. You should stop being poor.

It's really gross that you're poor. How about room service? Never see your parents again? You seen Mean Girls? How do you say mean girls? I said how do you say mean girls? She gets slapped in the face. Why is she doing that? I think she gets attacked. Yeah, it's pretty sick. They start screaming Yeah, she's that's beautiful. I start screaming and you should be doing what you do for your children. So they have a better life

And if someone's offering them a home and a bed, which is me at this moment Give it to them. What happens tomorrow when you go back to like? Saudis who are taking a dump on your tips for? $3,000 it's trickle-down theory. That's what it is trickle-down. I'm gonna is this purebred Syrian This is a purebred Syrian, baby. I want to steal She neuters the kid. Look what's happening. Okay, I am going to take a child, we are going to hop on the flying river boat and go to

EDM Festival in Israel. Yundai. Shalom. Shalom. I won't'll die. Shala. Shala. I won't leave until I take you. No, look, come on. I got a bed, I hate Jews. I mean, it's perfect.

It's really crazy how committed to the accent she is. It's just the actor, sociopathy, like the schizophrenic actor brain yeah There also is I will defend her a little bit because Daniel Cormier does this and it's also it does help when you're talking to somebody Who's does English is not their first language if you sort of like adopt their cadence a little bit it has them It helps them like understand. I said this on the podcast, but in China I thought like

My wife's little sister was being offensive, but you speak in like fucked up broken English because it's easier for them to understand Yeah, you go bathroom where show me bathroom now. Yeah, it's less word Yeah, you just talk dumber and they're like they understand my dad used to do it it's like he needed like like he would like have some like Some like Mexican guys from like Home Depot that were like helping him like build something for whatever day or whatever he would try to he would speak broken English like it really helped like he would do an accent too he'd be like if you can't if you can't beer and dog that won't be great. And I'd watch it horribly. I'd be like, oh you fucking. Well that's too much.

You liberal retard. Nah, that's perfect. My dad would be like Jose, of your car. And see, I go right, you check. After the joke. And they would just stare at him like a deer. Write your check after they don't. And they were just staring at him like a deer. They're like, thank you, Darryl.

Yeah, they're like, speak English. They're like, Darryl, I'm not sure why you're doing that to us. Darryl, I went to Yale, the economy. Darryl, we're Chinese. So then he goes, Darryl, you can't do that. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. And then they go, thank you, Darryl, I understand now.

Finally, Darryl, we have to go though. We got it, Darryl. Okay, yes, Darryl, we will build the wall. I get it, Darryl, thank you. My whole family has such black names. It's so funny Yeah, my mom is Darrell or my dad is Darrell with two R's and two L's look it looks on paper It looks like his name is Darrell. Yeah, I'm Devin with an A Everyone's always called me the van and my mom's name is Beverly. Yeah, that is wild

Also, remember when Amanda Seals thought you were black somehow? It wasn't Amanda Seals. You always get this wrong. Uh, it was some other... it was a... I fucking swear to God. Felicia Fulks. No, it was not. Yeah. Yeah, it was Felicia. I remember this. Felicia thought I was a black person.

That's still wild though. And Felicia is black too though. That's still wild. It was ridiculous. Yeah. That's still wild. Amanda Seals. No, no. I've never... Had any... Did she hang around a little bit? She was around, yeah. Yeah, but we neverals. No, no, I've never

She was around yeah, but we never spoke no she would bomb at hot she was a terrible comic that then turned into like Cultural critic person that somehow mattered out of nowhere and kind of like bad comedic actress Yeah I for some reason thought that she was like one of your friends or not your friend But now in the hang a little bit back I think if I were to walk into like Jack's apartment back in the day, and she was there I would have turned right around like the fucking like the Simpsons got another black people here. Oh my god a real black person Anyway back to Lindsay Lin pretending to be a fucking Muslim Don't me*** with me.

Geez, what the f***. You're ruining our agriculture by doing this. You're ruining it. Give me your hand. Do you like us saying cool? Hey, Jack. There. Come on, what are you doing?

She's all like, I'm just trying to steal your kid! Get out of here! Shut up, look. She's even doing an ethnic yell. She's doing like the, Hi! La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la She looks that's such a crazy moment in time that she was but you're watching PBS shut up Why is oh, it's SNL. Okay, I thought fucking I thought YouTube thought I wanted to PBS kids Which I would never Cuz I'm not horny right now

Damn that is so funny that she was like went that crazy She was trying to rescue Syrian refugees with a pretending to be like an Arab person. She seems to be doing better lately She's full of us back. Yeah, they're doing a free credit to and she bounced back. Yeah, she bounced back. Yeah Yeah She I mean Amanda Bynes did not make it out. Oh, she's a Daltech though Amanda Bynes. It's tragic I used to love Amanda Bynes man the man the man the man the man the man the man is she was a mate She was funny. She was amazing. She was incredibly funny.

She was Kid Lucille Ball when I was a kid. She was actually extremely talented. Extremely talented, and now she looks like Marilyn Manson, you know, was bloated. Yeah, she was in rehab with my brother. Yeah. I've talked about this, right? I bet she sucked off your brother.

She was sucking him. Yeah. Admit it. Yeah, she was sucking him. She sucked off your brother your brother goes. Thanks faggot He doesn't even know what it means he just says it the chick He's kind of annoying. It's like dude to him or something. Oh yeah, poor Amanda Bynes, man. Yeah, that was the rehab, my brother got kicked out because he cupped a fart and threw it in someone else's face. What a king.

What an absolute king. I think he was calling a gay guy in the rehab of faggot and they got into like an authentication and then he cupped a fart and threw it in his face and the guy was like, I'm done. And then, yeah, then someone had to call my dad and be like, hey, so you're someone's gay dad. He was like, I don't give a fuck faggot, I got a Ferrari. Yeah, look at Amanda Bynes. Before and after Nickelodeon part two, Amanda Bynes.

Oh my God. By the way, I had such a crush on Amanda Bynes. and after Nickelodeon part 2 Amanda What was the movie a big fat liar yeah, loved that movie and she am ahti's first big role actually She's the man I believe yeah, she's a man yeah, yeah, G. Imani's big role was big fat liar first his first big role Was big foul is that can't be be true yeah, it kind of was actually was pig vomit in the stern movie and Big fat liar like it in the same like it came out like it read at the same time crazy. Yeah There's Schneider Sweet guy Watch the dock he didn't technically do anything. He was just running a weird place.

He was being a marine. Really? But then all of his workers were pedophiles. I thought he was fucking kids. No, he was just... No, that one other guy was like the actual psycho. The other guy was. Peck. Brian Peck. He was constantly inappropriate. He was inappropriate.

He is a pedophile, but he like always was able to not act on it. He would just get really close, goon essentially. I don't buy that. Well nobody's- No one came out and said he ever did anything really. Well we're kicking him out of the Maurice Club. Look at him right here.

All he wanted to do is he wanted to take Amanda Bynes home and then he was like, how about you and I a couple of bang bangs? He goes, how about I get Uber Eats and Door Dash going at the same time? He has like a foot fetish though for sure. That's a real big thing with him. He's like Tarantino for kids. Imagine being a fat pedophile who won't take his shirt off to go in the pool.

He has an undershirt and a collar shirt and He has a collar shirt and an undershirt on. And a vintage jacuzzi. That's so sad. You're like an embarrassing pedophile. You will have sex with children when you're like I don't want you to see my mantis. He's business casual in the fucking pool. He's crazy. He's nuts. He's a nut job.

Ha ha ha! I do not want to break any news. Big story. He's crazy. I think that's Amanda by itself. Wow! Have you not seen her? No, I've seen her.

She looks even worse than this. I haven't seen those eyebrows in a long time or something. I saw her at the Target on Sunset like a few months ago. It was jarring. She looks like Bad Baby's mom. It was jarring. She looks like bad babies mom. Yeah What the hell? That's tragic like Mortician she does

No, she actually looks like she she looks like she was like pulled out of a lake You know she looks like when somebody tries to restore an old painting, but they can't they're not good at painting Yeah, and they'd like, I don't know how to make eyebrows exactly. Yeah, I'm waiting for a doctor to find a moth in her mouth. Oh! Ha ha ha! Also, I think, I do think it's hilarious

that she's trying to get that tattoo removed in her cheek, like that's the problem. But that's the issue, yeah. Ha ha ha! She goes, she goes to her, uh. Teases, don't zoom in like that. She goes, she goes to her stylist, she's like, give me the Scorsese eyebrows. Poor Amanda.

Yeah, that's the Hollywood chip theory, you know what I'm talking about? The Hollywood chip theory is that when you're'm talking about? Amanda, Amanda, Amanda. What? The Hollywood chip theory is that like, when you're a child actor, they put a chip in your brain, and if you don't get it, like, you know, fixed or serviced, it malfunctions and you lose your mind. That's the big conspiracy. Yeah, the chip in your brain is ketamine. Mm-hmm. You know, yeah, yeah.

Keep snorting these chips that are supposed to go in my brain. The chip is a cock, and your brain is your ass. For some reason, it knocks his screw loose though. I don't know why. Oh, it's so tragic how common that is though. I know. It's fucking, yeah, it's sad. I did love Bynes.

Love Bynes. God damn. I mean, Gosling made it out. He was in the Mickey Mouse movie. He never had the ultra fame though, at any age. She didn't get famous till way later. Who was super famous? I mean, Kurt Russell is probably the most famous guy. Justin Timberlake?

Yes. Kurt JT? No. Kurt Russell was a child actor. That was very famous and he was famous his entire life. Because then, Dea might be the most current famous child actress. Yeah.

Gomez? She still seems like a child actress to me. Yeah, she's a fully grown adult. Zendaya looks like she still plays in like, forts. Mm-hmm. She looks like... She was in a movie where she's like a guy's wife. Yeah.

And I just didn't buy it. Challengers. Yeah, but yeah. And then another movie with Denzel Washington's kid. Oh yeah, Malcolm and Merajor. It's just the whole time I just keep... I'm like... It feels like you're playing house.

She looks like she fucking has... Like she like scraped the knees and she. It's just the whole time I just keep, I'm like. It feels like you're playing house. She looks like she fucking has, like, she like scraped the knees and she's been out in the yard all day. Why is she your phone background then? Great ass in Challengers though. Really, it's unbelievable. I still haven't seen that. She finally showed herself in Challengers, great ass. But actually not enough, didn't show herself enough.

And that's, hey, shame on you. You sure it's not a body double? No, it's her. Pretty positive, it's-hmm. Are you guys watching righteous gemstones? I love I watch that one episode the Civil War one Yeah, I watch it was great. Uncle baby Billy's penis. Yes on that scene So I watched an interview with Danny McBride He goes yes So we'll hire body doubles to come in and use their penis for the scene like that wasn't Walton's penis And the guy who showed up just failed to mention that he had no balls.

I noticed that. I noticed that. His sack was like a turkey neck. Completely hollow. It was like a turkey neck. It was fucking, it was jarring. That's so crazy. So I had to look, I looked into it and I was like,

thank God I found an answer. Cause I was like, there are no balls on that car. Right, so people have no ball. He didn't have cancer or something? This guy who wants to show his dick on camera for HBO has no balls. I don't know, but he has a huge dick Yeah, oh fuck him Sure it looks like a turkey neck like it's like I just a strip of skin with no test

How does he have no balls? I don't know isn't that illegal, but you also can't like press him on it There's probably like illegal repercussions of you. where your balls by the way it's like racist against dicks cancer you don't have none you always need one keep one you can have no balls this guy had no balls but why I get blown off but also what a slam dunk I mean it's a Maurice bit of off if I were if I were creating that show and some guys show with no balls I'd be like Yeah for a comedy show You got uncorked at some point

This week This week Karen F Fian, please uncork me! God bless you, Joke World. This was all jokes. Oh, let me apologize to everybody, by the way. All comedy, we're fucking around here. Sorry, Joke World, sorry to the garbage guys. I jumped the gun and I started thinking about this, where I'm like, damn it, when this comes out am I gonna be am I gonna

Feel bad about this. No, it's so funny. No, it's okay. Good. No, we're in comedy. These people should all get it What do they really say so they're doing fraud? I didn't say they're we thought we fought fraud with fraud I really didn't say anything mean I said they're fraudsters. No, you called him fat I'll stand by that I'll stand by that I did say anything actually Inside I don't think they'd be offended it would kind of go against them being you know comics that they are To have some problem with that we're also we're not I know they won't they they don't want to ever have to even know About us so they won't this won't come across them. I imagine Maybe it knows somebody might clip it and set it so nobody does hope we go to war with are you car apparently though?

We might be drunk producer you were saying was on our reddit. Oh, yeah. Yeah, so Devon did a very funny act-outs of Was there a normand and Sam Morrill as a devil did a really funny impression of it that you should do it Maybe do another one right now Well, I'll finish saying this So somebody clipped it posted on reddit and then the producer of their podcast came to the comments and said By the way, this is like great You should come do it in the studio and will like put you in each of their seats and like edit it together

So like the guy, he loves it. And it's undeniably funny. That's cool. That's actually him. It is. I looked I clicked on his name and I went through. I wouldn't give you fake news on stuff like that. Thing with movies, they've all gone to like streaming now. So it's like a movie that used to be in the theaters, like for like a month is now just like on Netflix, like immediately.

And maybe people aren't like watching it as well as they used to in the old days, because it's just, you know, you're at home, you're tired, you fall asleep, or whatever. It's like, yeah, that's the thing, you know? Everything changed, the movies, it's all on streaming. It's just, it goes and goes. You don't even, it just, you barely recognize what's out.

What happened to our, let's all go to the lobby You know, those are my favorite comics by the way, I've been on a lobby Love mark norman love sample. They're actually my favorite columns is the joke, but it's a very good impression. You should keep doing it But next time we'll do it. We'll do more next time but I do love them actually Not evening sarcastic fat garbage guys fuck you fuck