Hate Watch with Devan Costa - The After Rife (ft. Ryan Donahue)

Episode Date: August 11, 2025

Matt Rife bought a haunted house https://www.patreon.com/HateWatchPodcast Support the show and start your free online Hims visit at https://www.hims.com/HATEWATCH

Just more than gasoline. You motherfuckers Yeah Welcome to Hate Watch everybody A special episode We found ourselves a straggler Ryan Donahue is here Hello, thank you for having me for us

One of the best stand-ups in the country Good to see you In my opinion Full endorsement, fully agree My favorite comic Ryan Donahue Oh you're so sweet Not for me Right

But I like him as a person Joey Joey can't stand him. You're more of a Glendora King. I like Connor McNutt. Yeah, yeah. Actually, no, I've only seen Donahue to stand up like once, and I love them. But he's from New York City, so I never get to see him.

He's visiting right now. I am visiting, baby. From the city that never sleeps. I know. Big Apple. Absolutely. What is it like out there, Ryan? How do you like in New York City?

That's all the buildings, my friend. It smells, it's hot, it's humid. That's the thing about New York. You walk around and there's like all this construction going on. And you look at all these buildings. You're like, yeah, I think we're done. Right. I think we could stop.

That's the thing. The city's done. Everything's finished. Let's just enjoy it and fucking have a hokey. Comedy. Comedy. The void. The void.

Ryan's from Rhode Island, actually. Rhode Island. Ryan has one of the funniest I've ever heard. You do have an insane. It's tragic, but it's one of the funniest. Yeah, you know, we all have our stories. Am I right, guys? I mean, we've all traveled along with the way.

I've noticed your main voice is a Jew. Yeah. When you do whatever you do a silly voice. Actually, I think it's a New England woman. Is that a New England woman? Yeah. Yeah, she's like kind of a cunt, but she'll put you to bed if you drink. Right.

Okay. It's me last night. I fully tucked Ryan in last night. Connor's tucking people out all over the fucking. I can't stop tucking my boys in, dude. You're a little mother head. I'm tucking my boys in left and right. Tuck me in in Portland.

I'm taking my friend's shoes off a lot recently. I'm untying laces, pulling them off, putting blankets over you, kissing in your forehead. Your sexuality is in question. It's maternal. It's a maternal instinct. It's not sexuality. It's a maternal thing?

It's a type of love. I've been reading the Reddit. I think you're a gay hack. Where would you? Oh, okay. I don't think it's a narrative. Is that not? That I'm a gay.

That's a gay. Wait, if my post's not been going through. I'm spreading to set. I'm on the Reddit. You know it's so funny is Josh, my buddy Josh Galvez, he does actually contribute to the Reddit sometimes. Sometimes I'll see an insane post about me, and I'm like, what the fuck?

And it's my best friend. That's great. Yeah. Yeah, what is Rhode Island? What is Rhode Island? Yeah, what is the traffic background? We can't spring that up. I didn't think it's big enough.

Is Rhode Island, um, fucking Fairley Brothers country? Yeah, they're from there, yeah. That's pretty cool. It's a small state in the country, right? It is a small state. It's a super gay capital city, too. Provinas is gay as hell. No, I like Provinas. No, no, I mean, like, it's like not gay as in bad, it's gay as in, like, literally homosexuals are all over the place.

Oh, it's like literally gay. Yeah, it's like a gay town. Really? A lot of gay towns in the East Coast, a little like Rivertown. Isn't it like the mafia and gays? The goddamn Patriarcha family. Yes. Vincent Patriarcha. Vincent Patriarch. Vince and Patriot. Willie Mafio bought my grandfather his first car.

Wow. He was laid a shot in a phone booth. Really? Is this real? That's real. That's awesome. It was a third largest crime family. It would be so much better instead of like if everyone in my family, like if people don't die like of like diseases. It would just be so much cooler for your dad.

Like you go, yeah, they put his head in the vice. Mm-hmm. It would be more romantic if everyone that you knew that died at least had like a cool murder. My father was Todd and Fed through the town square. They popped his friggin eyes out. Yeah, they beat him with a padlock. My dad, he was raped to death by every civilian in the city. Yeah, my father, they, you know, they said they were going to go out, they got him drunk.

He had a great night. They put him in the car and they just stabbed them right through his vertebrae in the front seat. That would be great. Ryan's dad is still alive and kicking, and he's one of the funniest guys of all times. Do you like your father, or is it a contentious? No, I've grown to appreciate his chaotic nature. He's a type of guy I was telling Connor last night

He and my mom They went on a like a couple's retreat Like going skiing I don't know why I called it a retreat But they went skiing with a couple And the first day He just like bullied the guy Who was with them

Into a fist fight And then gave the guy a black eye And then they stayed there for two more nights What's his name? Paul McNutt? Huh? What's his name Paul McNutt? I don't know I don't think my dad could

I don't know my dad's insane Like he had a neighbor feud for years And it was like You know of my dad though right being uh he got jumped by neo nazi was it actually yeah connor's dad had a ski resort too we covered this on the uh not ski resort but a mountain town not sorry to hear about that yeah no it just happened he was attacked by a drunk neo nazi jesus wait it was one guy one guy yeah does that count is getting jumped if it's one guy oh you're sucker punch

you'd got beat up you got beat up yeah blindsided walking away from bar a guy ran up behind him socked in the head yeah that's uh what did not Dude, what do he say to the man? Nothing. The guy was calling him, I did a Jew faggot. Really? Neither of those things. Yeah.

So, yeah. Interesting. He goes, well, I'm not a Jew, and that's my wife. So that doesn't really make any sense. You'd think a neo-Nazi would be more correct with his eye about who's truly Jewish and... They see a big nose and they run. It's all, it's all in the nose, man. It's all in the nose.

And he kind of sounds, if you're, if you don't know, like, an East Coast accent, you would think he was a Jew. Oh, and he mistook my East Coast. accent for Jewish earlier today. Yeah, Devin actually was the one who cracked. John knocked out my dad. Yeah. What if we go on to find, we find that out? Your dad sees me.

The first thing, the realization on your dad's face. When did you start liking your dad again? Like, was this a recent thing? Oh, man. Did your dad do anything to you? He'd like touch you. No, no, he was never creepy. Just a violent man.

Just a violent. Guy, you're kind of like, he was like Huck Finn's dad. He had like a neighbor feud over a shared driveway for like five years and like every time we drive by, he'd be like, it's taking everything inside me, not to punch him in the throat and kill him. Like he wants to kill him to. He wants death, yeah, to happen by his own hand. And he would be great in prison.

That's the thing. Like when I was a kid, he would do like 400 pushups a night. Like it was like with a ferocity that was. Is he jacked? No, he's just crazy. You dad sounds like like every night like he'd drink. drinks like he has, like... He's sober.

Oh, really? Well, he... Always? Well, yeah, he went to rehab. No, not always. He was a crazy alcoholic. He got sober. Being a sober psychopath is his next one.

Even his sobriety journey, he was, uh, he like was doing coke and drinking a lot. Then he went to rehab, but he kept doing coke because he thought that the drinking was the problem. So now he's just doing cocaine while ice fishing and then eventually realized he needed to go back for the cocaine. Like somehow cocaine addiction evaded him. It's Rhode Island so over. Dude, being high on Coke looking at a hole in the ice is so funny.

You'd be like, holy fuck, dude. He's like, this is technically water. It's the most understimulating process of all time. I could think of less of a Coke activity than ice fishing. Ice fishing can be pretty active. I've done it before. Really? If you have an auger and you drill multiple holes in the ice

and you have, there is this device that has a flag on it that pops up when you get a bite, you could like drill like 10 holes and have 10 of these and boom flag flag you're running around now then you have to grab the fish out yeah i could see cook there's like ice fishing radar too it's crazy oh yeah ice fishing tent i've done here do we need to make it you know i've gone i've gone ice fish i don't tell you guys but i go but i don't catch any of that i get sucked off by trout it's like a glory hole you're having sex it's a lake it's a lake glory hole i go ice fishing also at Olvera Streets. Oh, very good.

Very good. We are, this is a pro-ice podcast, folks. We're sick of things running well in L.A. Kick them out. Yeah, I really hate the people that laid the foundation of the city, so we should get rid of them. Well, some are violent criminals. Yeah. I've found enough of them.

The ice or the Mexicans? Oh, okay, yeah. Yeah. No, they, uh, grind my gears, you know? Dude, it's enough already. The Mexicans grind your gears? Yeah, that's interesting. You have to say that.

You have to say that. You agree. No, they, uh, there's a lot of, like, I got a guy that person. Do you have a real take? No, well, no, I actually, I do. Actually, my honest take, right. My honest, my honest, my honest, my honest, is it's too much. I'm going to be honest with it.

What is too much? I think she just hate. Oh, too much. I was doing too much. They're doing too much. Look at you. Let me do it too damn much.

No 15-year-olds should go home and their parents are gone. They don't know how to cook or whatever. You should be behind the bar. You should be like, y'all doing too much. Yeah. I did read something the other day that apparently like thousands of people have been illegally,

like thousands of actual American citizens have been deported. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And they're just like, now they're just like, they're just like fucking. That is so unlucky. I couldn't imagine. Just wrong place, wrong time.

They're deporting. Maybe, how about this? Maybe don't be brown. Dude, they're like deporting. The deporting fucking like Yemen. They're deporting like Indonesians to the Sudan. It's crazy. They're not even deporting people to where they came from.

They're like deporting like Asians to Africa. It's nuts. It is like it's crazy. It's like it's carpet and ran everything. The idea of like a Chinese man in the safari is so funny. I think that I swear I swear to God I think this is what's happening I think like if you're an Indonesian

like war criminal or something which I don't know if that's even a thing now what is an Indonesian by the way it's like a black Asian is a Muslim Asian a Muslim Asian Indonesians or Muslim Asians but Are those Uyghurs? No Uyghurs are step Asian Muslims no yeah Uyghur Muslims they sag their pants

Wigger Muslims no they're like if you're like a law and shit bro like Like I'm built different It's like, sorry, I like, I cut the bitch's clit off. Exactly, bro. Like, I'm built different. I don't want this bitch driving in this shit. Exactly.

I cut the bitch's clit off. I don't want to see that. I'm a Uyghur Muslim. Hey, bro, like, don't even, don't even show me your fucking face, bitch. Like, for real. Hey, bro, like, all these motherfuckers that, like, run liquor stores is like keeping me in trapped. Exactly. But it's like, all la la la la and shit, you know, like, fuck, bro.

It's really crazy when you guys do that voice because you, You really could have chosen to do it. That's the whole thing. That's the whole thing. That's a choice that people just make. No, I had a very stark moment when I was a kid. I could either be a guy who flips the camera off,

every photo taken, or I could join the arts. Yeah. That was the decision given to me. That is your neighborhood. It was the red pill and blue pill. Yeah. Do you want to flip the camera off and have a flatbrim hat,

or do you want to, like, do a play? Yeah, or I do think of a life where I, like, just talk about, like, my baby mama's on Facebook. Of course. In 2025. Their lives are more entertaining. painting than ours. Do I knock out Danny Trejo or do I learn how to dance

and sing? Quite literally, yes. So, John, go on about the Wigger Muslims. Oh, I think if you're like a bad enough guy but your home country doesn't want you back if you're like aligned with like Islamic terrorism, they'll just like, if you're an Indonesian and Indonesia's like, no, we're not taking it back.

They'll be like, okay, we're dropping you off in the Yemen and then. And then you're like an Indonesian and the Yemen or something. So what are they private people flights, but not asking where they want to go. They don't get the tubes. You just fucking go. It's like all like this, all like that. All I know is I got all like bitches, you know I got all that bitches. I got all that bitch.

Pussy a lot of cart. I'm getting all that pussy, bro. It's crazy that was a choice available to you guys. I think my option was either go to the city and meet people or become your dad. Join the family tradition of semi-professional catch and release tournament fishing. That's cool.

And now catch and release is an interesting thing with fishing because it's a bunch of people that go, I don't want the fish, but I want to fuck their mouths up. Yeah. I want to really... Well, Dev, they don't have the same nerve endings. I want to really like...

I don't think that's true. I don't think that's true at all. I think it's a lie they told themselves. It's definitely a lie. I think we're just like digging in their fucking jaws. They don't feel it. It's a bunch of fat. They don't really react.

I will say that. It's a bunch of fat guys turning fish into the Joker and then throwing them back into the leg. They don't react because they're also... They're also suffocating. Yeah. Maybe they're more focused on that. Dude, one time I took a girl back to my hometown to go fishing.

Like, well, that was not the whole reason, but we went fishing, and she had never gone. And so I'm like, oh, this is going to be great. You're going to love it. Whatever. First cast, I catch a fish. I'm like, I'm the fucking man. The sick. And then, like, it went into the fish's stomach.

So when I pulled the fucking fish out of the water, it's like bleeding. And it's the only hook I have. So I'm like trying to. It's like, she's crying. She's like, I hate fishing. It's like you're a fucking butcher. Who did I just travel with? You threw it back?

I threw it back. I've thrown dead fish back. Really? I fully have caught a fish. Well, that's turtle food. It's not moving at all day. He's happy. He's good.

Yeah. Fish art. You know those things that you put in their gill, like around the gills so you can keep them on the side of the boat? I had that in a pond and a fucking snapping turtle that was like the size of a sewer cap. Just started eating a three pound bass off of the fucking. So I, because I felt it tugging and I look down. It's just ripping this thing apart.

No, whenever I go backpacking, sorry to bring this up. But like, you know, you catch the fish and then you put it under a rock. Like you put like, dental floss through their gill, and you put it under a rock, and they sit there for a long time. And every time I do that, I'm like, this fish is having the weirdest day of all time. Wait, what? You put it under a rock? To keep it still. You put the floss under the rocks. They're like a dog and a leash, essentially. They're like a Filipino dog. But they're in water still? Yeah. Oh, okay. You keep them alive.

You keep them fresh. Then when you cook them later. A Filipino dog. Yeah, what's the hell? So you know about how Filipinos tortured dogs. Exactly. You're well aware of that. I'm well aware of that's a SoCal thing. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, for people that aren't from California, Southern California, there are people called Filipinos, and they're like... You're not from Sogale. You're not from SoCal. You're not from SoCal.

You're about to activate the schizzo's, by the way. I've never seen more schizzo's activated than when you did that rant about hillbillies who are mad at L.A. politics. No, I love everybody. Why does that piss so many people off? Because it's true. Because it's dead. They're insecure. They showed themselves in South Dakota.

And if I ever, like, heard somebody saying that, it wouldn't have, like, done anything to me. There's something you trigger. You guys are, like, an isolated. I've never met a South Dakota. Like, I meet Texans all the fucking time. You don't go to war over it. You don't, you don't go, like, yeah, we may not have all the things in L.A.,

but we got a Kudoba fagg. It doesn't smell like fucking piss, bro. Yeah, right. Whatever that means. It's like, it's a city. You got to put up a place. Yeah, there's, like, some gross smell. There's a lot of crime, gross piss smells and stuff.

But there was, like, a bunch of guys that made, like, six, thousand words. I get it. And God bless them. They do they have great lives. Somebody tried to talk to my father. And he accused my dad of being a state senator. And he tagged me and was like, why didn't you tell us your dad's a state senator? Dude, everybody else talks about their dad. And you're lying and saying your dad's a lawyer. And I'm like, oh, my dad's a lawyer. He is a lawyer. He's not a senator. And he goes, really? So then this man here, guy's last name was Lafleur, is not your father? State In South Dakota?

Yeah. There's going to be a few Lafleurs running around South Dakota. It's all, I've met a few of the bar. It's Canadians. It's not the most uncommon French last name. It's pretty funny to do that level of investigation over a fringe podcast or like they're getting, like, you know. Schizophrenic.

And he tried to docks and hunt my father and then he ended up doing it to some poor innocent state senator. And then he goes like, yeah, whatever. Keep, you're living off daddy's senator money. And then I looked up That's not true, sir. This man has nothing. I have lawyer money.

He has the worst spending habits of anyone on it. Lawyers make way more. So here's what I was going to say. I looked up how much does a state senator make in South Dakota? $16,000 per year. So this guy is like they're actually good. I think they're getting a lot of money from lobbyists and they get your money. I don't know.

I'm actually a little bit clueless about this. I'd be surprised if it was over $300,000. It's $16,000. I mean, like, oh, totally. I don't know if South Dakota senators are able to lobby for much. You have to walk a fine line when you're from a city that... Oil. When you're from a city that matters,

you have to walk a fine line when talking about places that suck shit. Of course, yeah. Well, Joey's now employed by Lafleur, Lafleur and Lafleur. Lefleur, Lafleur. I don't want to say too much about this. That's a reference to something that I don't want to say because now I'm a little bit scared. Okay, that's fine.

But yeah, so there's... Back to the... That was a great spinoff. Can't go into it because I don't want to... But for the... There's a people. called Filipinos, and a lot of them live in Southern California, and

they're wacky, wacky people. They come from a land that they eat food. I think it's called the Philippines. They eat food like elf. You know, they like maple syrup on spaghetti, and they have like a skittal fried chicken. And they're, they're wonderful people. They're

callous. They believe shoplifters should be shot in the head. No, no, most of them are very sweet. No, I'm saying. They come from a place that, like, is a no-nonsense place. I think Bolsonaro's very... Their government... What's it? Bolson was a Brazilian guy.

You're thinking of... I thought that was. D'ertrethe. D'ertre. Oh, that's right. So they... Did you guys know real quick that every year

they do like live crucifixions in Philippines? That's awesome, though. And the guys live, right? Like a tough mutter. Yeah. Like guys trained to be crucifixed for like a long time. Crucified. Yeah, sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm hammered, bitch. Yeah. Okay. Well, you know... I'm drunk, dumb ass. Anyway. So, yeah, but these guys, like, 40 guys a year just get fucking crucified to hang up on a cross. Okay.

I'm more into their karaoke. Let me circle back from that spinoff. I feel like we're, like, creating, like, a Taylor Sheridan podcast here. Or on, like, the fourth show. Crossman. Uh. You haven't watched Crossman yet? Dumbass.

But these Filipinos. Billy Bob Dorton is, Billy Bob Dorton. Oh, you know? I love Billy Bob. Circling back to the initial. point of, Conner made a joke about Filipinos having their dog tied up out back. Filipinos traditionally

in L.A., they always have a dog with so much hair. They have a dog that's meant for... So much hair. They have a dog that's meant for Antarctica and it lives in hell in their backyard and it's chained up like Jesse Pinkman at the end of Breaking Bad. Uh-huh.

It's entire... It's entire life. It's supposed to be... Jack London is supposed to own this dog. And for some reason, it lives in torrents. Yes. In a drive way. And it's got a bunch of polio vaccines with it.

And it's got a five-foot chain and it pisses on the concrete. Then it laysens concrete. Yes. It's fucking disgusting. Its feet are burnt off. And that's a classic dog. And the people and the people that own the home, they're wonderful people. They're inside.

They just abuse dogs. They're teddy bear people. They're very cute people. They're so lazy. They don't even fight them. No. They decide that the dog is going to fight. reality every day.

Exactly. Anyway, folks, Matt Rife is in the news. I'm glad we got back to that. Matt Rife. Have you heard of this, folks? Matt Rife is, he bought, what is this gentleman?

The Warren's house? What is it? The Warren Home. The Conjuring Home. The famous paranormal investigators. He bought the home from the conjuring. In Rhode Island. God, what a...

Oh, is it really? By the way, was this house even haunted or is that just where they live? It's got like 700 haunted artifacts in it. No, why is it haunted? What happened there? There's nothing haunted about the house. They just have a bunch of haunted things.

They are paranormal investigators, and this is their home. Which would be the best job ever. Amityville horror people. They were the ones who did that. Best job ever? But is the Amityville horror real? What is that? No, it's a schizophrenic.

None of it's real. It's all fake. So, Matt, God, what a fucking. Annabelle's real, though. I love to face fuck this guy. That's real as fuck. What a sexy man. Good God.

I feel like his plastic surgery is looking worse. and worse. He's a little puffy. Something happened. Devin learned about Femboys last week, and now he's all horny for him. He's a little puffy, but like, God damn it, Matt Rife. He's going to be breastfeeding the Nunn pretty soon. It's going to be crazy. So Matt Rife...

Guys, don't. He's my best friend. Stop making fun of him. No, he's getting Eiffel Tau by Annabelle and the Nunn. You can spit roasted by them. Well, this is... I mean, Matt Rife is kind of... There's always been, like, a traditional joke. Like, I'm pretty sure he's...

gay. I don't think he is. Wasn't he banging like a bunch of really? There's a lot of comics that had him opening for them and I believe they were getting sucked off by him. That's gay for pay. That's different. That's different. That's different. Yeah. That's just he's willing to take L's that we aren't. It's like a fun guy to me. I don't know what you know. Matt Rife says, a ghost heart

emoji. I love Matt Rife. He loves him. He loves ghosts. He loves ghosts. I fucking love Matt Rife. I'm a big fan. I love he has a couple bits. where he, that are helped out by like a woman in the crowd.

That's fantastic stuff. He goes, right here he goes, couldn't be happier to own such, such, to own such prominent, he forgot the A,

because he's illiterate, but couldn't be happier to own such prominent piece of paranormal history. I can't wait to operate this place with, sounds like perfect English, with their respect and care.

No, that's not right. Couldn't be happier to own such prominent piece. Why would you say, such a prominent piece? Such a prominent piece. Of paranormal history.

Yeah, no, Devin's right. So it's a prominent piece Why did you read a fucking book? Okay, why do you start with Captain on your pants And then come back Devin was right I'm completely right

Such prominent piece is the lack of syntax Such prominent piece He sounds like a fucking immigrant I'm illiterate Jesus Christ The poor him The way he first described it Was sounded that

Like go ahead and go ahead of me I can't wait to operate this place With the respect and care it deserves Walsst Walsh he definitely looked bad up Walsh becoming the greatest paranormal investigation location in the country Stay tuned

The Conjuring, Haunted Annabel. So this is him talking. Hey guys, super random but incredible announcement. I just bought the Ed and Lorraine Warren's home and a whole museum with my very good friend Elton Casta. If you guys have ever seen any of the Conjuring

film, God, what a sexy girl. He goes, where y'all from? Where y'all from? Hell? Hell. Hell! Oh, so y'all from the sixth dimension? This doesn't seem like he got. How'd y'all get here today? a rift

a rift that opened up a worm off from hell he's talking to that demon playing the piano with the phone between dementia y'all were killed by your daddy

I think he did he bought okay so this is kind of like it's it's this is exposing for Matt because I think he's he wants to like

suck off ghosts too he's gonna commit necromancy and then do blow jobs yeah I mean did you watch him on Rogan, he said his favorite movie is like Fuck, I can't remember the name of it. He is like a 13 year old Mexican.

It's one of the worst found footage horror movies I've ever seen my entire life, and it's his favorite movie of all time. He's obsessed with horror movies. The fourth kind. Oh, that is terrible. It's terrible. It's his favorite movie of all time. He really just loves ghosts and

I thought that was an alien movie. He's just like a... It's motherfucketting he Mexican and shit. Yeah, I was like trying to get into it. I do like that he's very, like, unabashedly passionate about this. I like that he's doing what he wants to with his money. I appreciate that. I appreciate that too, yeah. I don't appreciate it more than his work, his body

of work. I love his body. But I appreciate what he's doing with his money. And I love his body. His body is so good. And I would love to fucking kill him with my cock. What's y'all biggest pet peeve? In a turtle war with the angel of death?

Y'all crazy. Oh, so you y'all hate when you can't inhabit a young boy. I feel you Be exercised Oh shit It's actually really kind To the ghost

And that's why we like it Yeah I know Yeah I know y'all Hey when Russell Crow Be approaching y'all Brose This is crazy The damn Pope's exorcises?

You motherfuckett Hate the Pope's exercises Y'all know when your mama Be crawling on the roof On all fours and shit Like a backwards Like a spider Walking around the house

Like a motherfucker spider as shit. Did you just spider walk away from me? Like, y'all just spider walk away from me? Homes, the Annabelle films, or even Amityville horror. This is the home that inspired. By the way, if you're, if horror is your favorite genre, you're kind of a real genre. You're retarded. It's one of my favorites.

If horror is your favorite, if Halloween is your favorite holiday. That means because, sorry. You're retarded. That means that your brain gets excited. You go, you go, you, this is, this is all you care about when watching something is going like, whoa. Yeah. Whoa. I think you're wrong.

And I think you're actually. Most horror movies are pieces of shit. They're cheap pieces of shit that are fun, but they're not like that great. That's why right now there's like a renaissance of horror movies because they all have like a now. I think it's the last vestige of actual film making. Everything now is like an 824 horror movie with an analogy and shit. There's high art or like the Shining or whatever. but like most typically

most horror movies are for retarded people it's the last vestige of actual like low budget cinema that's being put out in theaters so it's actual cinema that's the last low budget maybe but no what prestige other than like shitty family dramas like what other like things that are like

even slightly high concept that have like they're not getting like A list actors in these things and it's like you uh like Josh Moulin's a fucking weapon right as a horror movie right weapons yeah weapons yeah weapons yeah No, horror is always... That's like a, that's a different category. It's sort of an exception, by the...

Well, I'm just saying, yeah, but there's a million shitty action movies and a million shitty other things. I think horror is actually a very underrated genre. Do y'all just spider walk away from me? I think it's like one of the most, like, popular genres. No, I think, I think as far as the art... If you're retarded, it's also conducive to being a Disney adult. Most retarded people...

Absolutely. Most retarded people that want to make a movie, they start with a horror movie because they're retarded. Christopher Maltesanti, for example. Cleaver. I mean, he's a lot of really bad men. He's smart man. What? I'm just saying,

don't. There's spider walking on the wall. That's right, Anna, the sacred and the propane. I will say, I think there is a phenomenon where people get into ghosts or something like this because it makes them interesting. And, like, that's what we're going for here, I think, maybe a little bit. This feels genuine to him than Joe. No, Matt Rife's just obsessed with this shit.

Yeah, it's like... I think it's his, like, version of being religious where it's like, this is his way to, like, be spiritual. I think he probably actually has a genuine connection to ghosts, and he's got, like, a fuck boy. Why do you think that? I just, like, the way he talks about it... Because he's very genuine.

It does. It feels genuine the way he talks about it, and I'm not even... No, this is what he loves. He loves this, and he has the money to buy it now. Yeah, I think... The same way that guys have downstream to love hot dogs. I'm not... saying that he's like a brilliant guy.

I'm just saying, it feels genuine. I think it's an interest. It's a fun thing. It's a hobby. John, also. I love ghosts. I'm going to put it out there. I love ghosts.

John has rewatch Ghost Adventures. I love Ghost Adventures. I love Ghost Adventures. Wasn't he on one, too? Zach Bagan's? No, no. Wasn't Rife on a ghost events? I don't remember that.

I believe he was. But that guy's, I love Zach Bagins. I think he's hilarious. He's a funniest man. John loves Ghost as much as him. So when you call him retarded, you're calling John Retarverver. I take it. He and Matt Rafe.

Oh, okay, cool. You can't do that. John loves ghosts because of their outfit. It reminds him of the... Oh, the clowns him of the... He sees a ghost. He goes, where'd you get that? Most ghosts are racist because they're old.

I just want to talk to somebody I get along with. Exactly. I mean, like a guy from like 1960. Exactly. Yeah, it's a ghost like, We used to drink at different waterfums. That's what we called these Brazil nuts back in the day. He goes to excuse him.

He's old-fashioned. He's old-fashioned. fashion that way. All right, let's get into Matt, right? All of those stories. This might be the most important and prominent piece of paranormal history in the world. Ed and Lorraine Warren are who took demonology and ghost hunting and paranormal investigation. He's going to get his penis cut mat by penning. I know a lot of you guys don't know what any of this means whatsoever, but if you follow ghost stuff, you wouldn't get it. This is about as big as it gets. So what does this all mean? It means that Elton Caste and myself are the

the owners of the physical and Lorraine Warren. He's renting it out. I thought he bought it. He bought it, but he's going to turn it into like an Airbnb for like, which is so whack. Why wouldn't he make it into a show? It's like, bro, just live there. If he just started to live there, I'd be like, respect.

That's sick. Yeah. That is, that actually takes a lot of the admiration I had about this move. It's a kind of funny to be like, are you not doing too good, are you mad? Now he's doing great, I think. You're an Airbnb guy. I couldn't imagine how much. He's got like a huge cleaning fee.

on the app and shit? Yeah, you're going to clean the spirits. Don't blasphem everywhere. Do we know how much the house costs? Anybody? I don't know. It costs more than your money. It costs your soul.

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A Watch. I'm assuming a few million dollars. Matt Rife's like, fuck, I don't have that anymore. Oh shit, man, I saw that a long time ago. I told that to Jeffrey Ross. Eric Griffin sucked my I'm from Ohio. It's so funny me that he's from Ohio.

Kim from a really white, nice part. How do you even become this guy? You're from Ohio. I mean, like, M.G.K. Another example of how do you become that? Cleveland sucks, dude. Listen to rap music, watching black movies. That's all it is.

Not having real influence. Imagine, like, doing, like, a wigger voice to, like, a corn crop. That's what their life was. He's like, they're like, hey, bro, like, I shut corn, like, I'm built different. Like, how do you become that guy? Well, there's actually a lot, there's, there's, there's a lot of neighborhoods in those areas with, like, like, black people. His wasn't, I believe. Yeah, but he probably drove in.

I don't know if he did. He bust himself. He bust himself into this life. What do you mean? He, I know this guy. When you get bust into neighborhoods? Yeah. I actually don't actually don't know what that means He went into the black

He probably hung out in black neighborhoods And was like Oh I'm gonna be like Addy Murphy and Shat One day I'm gonna be like Bitch your titty's wilding right now And all these black dudes Be like man you tripping bro You ain't ever gonna get out the hood

And he's like I'm actually I come from millions of diamonds He goes, I drove here. I live in a mansion. I'll crush you with my daddy's wallet, bro. I don't know he's from Cleveland. Is he from Cleveland or is he from Ohio?

I know he's from Ohio. I know he's from Ohio. I read something a while ago. It's like a very white, nice, peaceful suburb. I'm sure it is. Yeah. My family's from Toledo. Or my mom's side.

And look at you. You're black as ho. Black as ho. No. Shit. Sometimes you just got to buy the Annabelle House and shit. That's what I don't get, because me and Devin are from here, and so is John. It's like, we're all from here, and it's like none of us have like an affliction in our voice.

You're from to Haga, though. Yeah, but I don't talk like I'm from anywhere. That's true. I never changed my voice. I'll wear the pants. Sure. Sure. I'll put on a big shirt.

I'll crip walk after a Lakers win. Sure. But I'm never doing a voice. I'll crip walk terribly. You know, and I walk around the house, and I'll say it as a joke. It's dope that there's a cool. version of this voice for you guys. Yeah.

You guys have like chill surfer vibe. You can pick up like four different voices that make you sound cool. When I went to college and then came back for like Christmas, some guy I just graduated with. He's like, yo, bro, good to see you. How you been, brother. And I'm like, that's, you made that choice in three months. Right.

That is the problem with people that when you go, yeah, I don't like it. He's not authentic. It's like you, if you can tell there was a day they made the decision, that's upsetting. There's white guys that talk black, like Paul Wall, you're like, yeah, but he was like, it's like a dodo video where it's like, this chicken was raised by dogs, and now he's a dog. Like, you understand that guy. Yeah. But like when you make the decision to start talking, that way you're like, all right. Shia LaBuff's whole thing.

Yeah, that means like every day you're going like, don't fuck up, don't fuck up, don't fuck. Don't lose the voice. Dude, I have an uncle. You have to consciously. I have an uncle who I love dearly. And he's from Rhode Island. He lived there until he was 25, moved to Texas, has had a Texas accent ever since he lived there. Like, he, there's no formative experience in the South.

Yeah. But he has the southern draw. Like, he practiced. I know. I have a crazy uncle who's now homeless wandering the streets of Long Beach right now. Love your buddy. We should kill with him. I didn't know he's on Long Beach.

He watches. I love it that was the end of the story. And that's that. No, he was at one point, he did everything. He was like a Mormon and Salt Lake City. he was a Republican, then he became a huge, like, lefty, then he, whatever. He was a wigger for a while. He lived in Kentucky for, like, a couple of years.

He was a pedophile when he lived with me. He lived in. He stayed in our house for three because he was a pedophile for a while. He actually, he was inspired by me. He actually was obsessed to my childhood dog, Shiba, and the entire family thought he was maybe fucking Shiba. Sheba was like, good-looking dog, man. Sheba was hot.

Sheba was, like, an attractive. Sheba looked like, like, a fucking, like, old husband. Hollywood, like, starlit. Like, my, my, my child's dog was hot as fuck. Hot as fuck. I have her picture, I have her picture on my fridge and I look at it all the time. I'm, I get entranced. I've never seen that kind of.

I do cum tributes to my dog all the time. Oh, that's why I can't open your fridge sometimes. It's locked. It's glued shut. Her fur was wild, like the way that, like, it turned into blonde. It was unbelievable. It was unbelievable. She was the most gorgeous, beautiful creature on the face of the earth.

I miss her with all my heart every fucking day. I hate how they go By the way, Reddit for dogs is hilarious because everybody on Reddit for dogs is like, they're just nuts. They've given everything to the life of a dog. All they do is think about dogs. Because I'm going to get a dog soon.

So I have like Reddit. It just pops up like dogs for Reddit come up and people on Reddit are just they're just so sad. It's like somebody will be like, just got this little pupper and then somebody will go, he'll never leave you. And then the next comment will go,

but they always do Did I tell you that my childhood dog Devon did I tell you my childhood dog That little white dog that I loved Yeah When I was in Minneapolis Here's how I found out that he died I woke up at like 3 p.m.

I was sleeping in Trying to get some rest Because I was like weakened And I was traveling a lot My whole family I got poisoned I got poisons let me My whole family had like

I'm just getting some rest My mom was saying like I I am fascinated by how much He worked at the steel mill or something. Like he wears a graveyard. No, it's because like I landed, I came like from Seattle, landed one day later, had to flood Minneapolis. It was just like so much, like I was just exhausted.

What about 3 p.m.? Here's what I found out how my childhood dog died, who I loved. I actually probably loved the dog more than anybody in the whole family. I come upstairs. It's 3 p.m. Quantifying your dog's love. I, my little sister might have an art. But I think I'm number two, probably number one.

But so I'm sitting there and my little sister was looking at her phone and she goes like, I don't, everyone's common thing. They don't know that Gable is dead. They just like think it's a cute dog picture. I said, what did you say? Gable's dead. So they all knew about this like since the beginning of the day. Just the morning. Yeah.

What a terrible. That's a horrible way to find out. Why couldn't they just tell me? Scumbags. also listen to how they did this they went on vacation they went off I forgot about this until he mentioned this stuff

they went on vacation right so they gave the dog to the dog sitter and the dog sitter messaged them and was like I think we gotta put Gable down he's like really loopy and instead of being like Dog sitter fucked up somehow

well why would my parents okay this though instead well I would just be like we'll be back in two days and then we'll do it kiss him goodbye the dog sitter put it had it put down Was the dog sitter Native American? No, I don't think they ever... Did they use it for Sundays?

That's insane. That's what I was saying. The family's got to see the dog and be like, what loopy or... How loopy are we talking? It's because my mom... The dog's there was a lazy bozo. It was like, this dog's crazy. Like, wants a walk.

I think we need to put it down. My dad, we were discussing and my dad was like, after I, like, fat him, he did kind of still, like, was able to sprint around the house and stuff. And I was like, what? And you found out at three, p.m. after being a drunken bozo than I was... He was getting

a terrible way to find out. That's a horrible way to find out. He was getting some rest. It's because they're from Christy... It's like Christy Nome kind of people in South Dakota. Yeah, right. They just... Love my parents, but they're like a dog is a dog. It's not... Stop treating it like it's a baby. Oh, that sucks. I hate that. No, I fucking... I found out my... I think my mom

still listens to this. Mom, she'll on you for that one. I found out my grandma died in a very similar way. What? Oh, I love this. Yeah. I've never sent this on the podcast. My dad just sent me a photo of my dead grandma. Like in the casket? No. She died in her hospital, but she looks like this.

She's like, she's like, she's fully just like, and then it's a photo of that, and my dad goes, R-I-P-Nona, poor mom. He goes, no more grandma. Was I around for this?

I love her you showed me. I go, I go, she's, little car. I go, she's dead? Like a million question mark? And he goes, yep. They didn't close her mouth? No, dude.

It's crazy. It'd feel so disrespectful to, like, show the pockets, but I'll show you guys if I can find you. Grandma had hip dysplasia. She couldn't make it up the stairs anymore. Dude, fully just, fully just That's horrible.

Johnny, so you can grab that vape. Oh, here it is. I can't reach that, dude. I don't get to it. Bye, mom, poor thing. Oh, what's your phone? Oh, no. Don't show me that.

Oh, no. That's insane. Stop showing us a dead woman. That's fucked up. They have to close her eyes in her mouth, dude. It's like crazy, dude. Close her eyes. That's so great.

Bye, mom, poor thing. She's dead. What the fuck? How is that real? That's insane. That's real. That's so fucked up. Got her.

Get that. It looks, oh, stop! Stop! It looks like Robert Dirsts. I won't show it on the screen. I'm just a quiet comment, grandma. 701 artifacts now. God, that is a lot.

That's how I found out she died. Anyway, I guess the circle back. I might go. I might go get your place. To circle back to the accent thing. What are you doing? What is going on? Just keep potting.

Stay in the fucking zone. Wait, what is it? It's like Apollo's a certain test. It's unbelievable. Kevin, stay focused for once in your damn life. And try to pod through a little thing. My vape dropped, and it flew. Get back, Johnny.

Get back. It flew. So I guess, circling back to the initial thing here, we went out a big side. How funny is that? That's insane. But yeah, my uncle, my uncle, who's, like I said,

wandering the streets of a, Long Beach home was now. He lived in Kentucky for a little bit, and he came back, and he, all of a sudden, for, like, for, like, thanksgivings and Christmases, he would, he would always say things are like, well, that cotton pick, and, like, this guy's from Long Beach. Born and raised in Long Beach, he would say, like, cotton picking, and, like, darn and damn it, and, like, like, he had, bang, Abbott, like, literally had the accent for a while. I do think that's a form of mental illness, like, similar to how, like, how, like,

Like, people, when they turn, like, you know, like, they'll develop schizophrenia, like, almost overnight. So, we all have similar mannerisms because we hang out with each other. Yeah. That's a very common social thing. But I think it's, like, it's a deep sign of, like, just not being secure when you just completely adopt someone's identity. If you're hanging out. I mean, I lived in New York for five years. He's been there for, what, 10 years?

Neither of us talk like we're, like, New Yorkers. Yeah. That'd be insane. I don't know what that is, to be honest. Strong sense of yourself. Like that little Moe-Modzrella voice. Like, I don't even know what that is... Who's like, hey, fuck oh!

Hey, give it to me the Acky Way. None of the fucking, like, mobsters or anyone talk like that. Like, that's just a weird, like, choice that people made in... Right. You know, yeah. And it sounds... It's based on, like, media. I don't know, yeah, maybe a caricature that they're like...

It's a caricature of, like... Because there's, like, seven-year-olds that are talking like that on the internet now. Right. And they're being like, yeah, it was just dead by father. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Heaven's nice. It is. It's a...

I can't believe you're dead guy. It's car just keep shape. That's so fucked up. Zoom in. Zoom in. I'm sorry, dude. I'm sorry. Honestly,

she looks pretty lively. She could have been more dead. She looks like a mummy, dude. She looks very alive to me. Really? Yes. I think she looks like she's like having a great time looking at the camera. I said that to me. I'm going to post it on my Instagram.

No, I do not. I'll never show that to the public. It's one of the weirdest things my dad has ever done. It looks crazier than anyone could imagine. Yeah. I didn't think it'd be that crazy. I tried to explain it. That's not.

We knew a retarded comedian, this big, fat black guy that took a picture at his grandmother's wake. Oh. And he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like this. He was like, he was like, RIP, grandma. Yeah, and then he beat up a seven-year-old lady in front of my bar. And then he beat the shit out of a 70-year-old woman. He beat up a seven-year-old woman with her own cane. Yeah.

In front of my bar. Let's just say his name. Why not? No, no, no. No. No. He was all right. He kept trying to tell me how it is.

I was like, I'm good. I had, like, retarded stand-up brain. I had to speak at my grandmother's funeral. And I don't know how to do public speaking if I'm not doing stand-up. And I literally took the podium, and I went, keep it going for my grandma, everybody. You fool.

That lady. Oh, wow. What was that? Keep it going for my grandmother, everybody. That was like a year ago. No, no, no. I was like, how long you all been together? Truly, I just did a set.

It was unbelievable. Did they keep it going? Yeah, they all clapped. And honestly, that feels wrong. You're like, this bitch is cold. that'd be like I think that was three years ago he put your

you put your finger to her nose you're like ain't nothing coming out of that shit did you just shimmy into the light did you just shemy into God's grace so how long you've been in this wooden bed and shit

y'all live there you live in a wood bed crazy so you about to be like dropped six feet under and shit like you don't have a notice how corpses

can just sleep anywhere. They like Asian people. They'll just sleep anywhere and shit. So your neighbor an earthworm? Fuck. Crazy as hell. You crazy as hell. So y'all like decomposing shit, right? That must be weird.

Decomposing. That must be weird. Decomposing. Composing and shit Sight to see your bones Your flesh just kind of go away You're just like you're going into the earth And shit and then like a flower popping out

That's some wild shit Granny so it's like a psych alive type shit Tycho Tycho Tycho Yeah Back to Matt Rife God bless this guy

Home and Occult Museum We are the legal guardians and caretakers of all 750 haunted artifacts and items in the Warren Museum, including the Annabelle doll. I must go on record and say, we do not legally own the items, but we are the legal guardians and caretakers of the items for at least the next five years. It means he gets them on the weekends. And what this means for you guys is you are going to soon be able to book a night or a weekend and stay at the Warren's house and investigate the house and the, the, history of the house, as well as the museum and all the artifacts inside of it. This is the most random

hobby ever, but it's so fucking cool, man. It's probably quick stamps or something. Might be a little safer, but yeah, we own the house, and we are very excited for you guys to see it. Stay tuned. I'd love to eat a bunch of acidic food, and then come on. Dude, getting murdered. I'd love to just eat kimchi

for a week straight, and then just just jizz all over his eyes. He's a hot. Getting murdered at Matt Rice, Airbnb would be brutal. Oh, yeah, by a demon. Wow. Look at that. What is that, Connor?

That's the Pivo Pills. It's the Pivo Pills, dumb ass. Is that that that water with that gives you that feeling? It's good stuff. That's the way people describe beer ass. The water that makes you feel funny. Where's my other water with the feeling in it? The problem of this water is it makes you feel terrible.

Where's my other fucking high news? Oh, it's right there. I think they're down here, Papa. They're down here, Johnny boys. I know where everybody's stuff is right now. you take care of his boys I don't know where I am right now you're here brother that's all that matters

fucking drunk Connor's doing a whole thing where you get oh my goodness is crazy I'm in hell right now I'm in fucking hell right now is Todd Phillips directing this podcast oh it's nuts

why don't you bach up I'm drunk you drunk you're hung over my fucking weekend of my life dude it took the best night ever

fucking night is a movie dude Dude, I woke up with a tiger in my room. I keep tucking my boys in, dude. It's crazy. Fucking, why don't you fucking settle down? Settle down. Jesus Christ, God. You're a huge cock, sucker, and I hate you.

Am I? Am I? Let's get into it. Oh. You know, actually, it's the most, it's the warmest I've ever felt was yesterday when I got to John's bar. And Ryan was like, yeah, we try to talk shit about you,

but we couldn't. Yeah, we have nothing. He's too trusting. We're like, he, like, he like, It was so heartwarming. I was like, wow, yeah, it's nice. Yeah, we were like, yeah, and he's just fucking, you know, he just just all cares a lot. Too sweet.

Loves his friends. It made me feel very good about myself. The only thing I could ever say about you is I'm like, hey, like, he's particular about his coffee. I'm particular about a few things. I like my comfort, like my coffee, and I like, yeah, my sleep. My sleep is You're the princess and the people

The Reddick can think of a few more things By the way Wise ass They're not so happy with you Why is there's opinions But I need to be comfortable If I'm uncomfortable

I can't be in a place Yeah You get uncomfortable I got to go I just put up with shit I just feel like I deserve it Or something I don't feel the way at all

I don't deserve I literally sit in a place I go I don't fucking deserve I often feel like I deserve my surroundings No I'm the opposite Ryan thoughts

What do you feel like? You'll see you you look like a type of guy that will sleep anywhere. Damn, that's nice. Well, no, I mean, I... No, real nice. Me too. You look like the kind of guy who's been sleeping anywhere.

I'm the same guy. Like, if I'm on the road... In bed with Conner's wife. If I have enough drinks and me, I'll be like, oh, yeah, that's just fine. I'll just sleep on this... Yeah, I would prefer a bed, probably. Yeah, but I'll just...

A lot of times I just go, like, whatever, just get through the moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Conner's like, this is not okay. Yeah, but I'm so particularly that I care about my friends. I, like, help my friends out. I want the same for my friends. You do, you do.

You actually have gotten me out of being an idiot, and I'm like, oh, this is way better. Thank God, Connor took charge. Dude, when we were in Texas last year, I was truly, like, trying to pick you up off the couch. Because I was like, the way he's sleeping, it's not good. He's got to have a shoulder thing in the morning. It's not good. I was like, it was Jonah Hill and Michael Serra, the end of super bad. I'm trying to pick you up, but I couldn't do it.

I was like, he's dead away. I was trying to bring you to bed. Was that the night that I did Adderall in Houston? He blacked out. I had no sleep, and I blacked out. You fully blacked out. I was screaming in the car as we blasted Kanye. Yeah, I think you can't account for like three hours of that night.

Same in Portland. Portland and Dallas for the same night for you. There's something with adrenaline, I believe. I agree. And drinking. I fully agree. That like it's, I just, yeah. Because the last, the only two times I've blacked out have been doing these like live shows.

Yeah. Which is interesting. And I didn't feel like I drank that much. But you're on mushrooms, though, right? No, that was the next day. That was the morning after, John, please. No, he took drugs the next day, asshole. I'm due for a big mushroom trip.

I believe mushrooms are God. You've gone down this theory a few times, and it's gay. Well, you don't... It's extremely gay. It's really gay. The Stone d'Ape theory is really gay. It's very gay. It's the gayest thing you could ever believe.

It's like that and, like, sucking cocks. John never did much. John only did mushrooms. Son ape theory, sucking cock. Tucking cock. John's never actually done mushrooms. I've done an eighth of mushrooms. I'm frightened of a lot.

You did him with your girlfriend, and that's not real. You're just, you did it with a bunch of overdramatic comedians. That's why you, you all, we all, I've just, I, you were, it was, it was all the, I was, I was witness. You had the dancing disease with all the fucking comedian buddies you have. Joey understands I was genuinely on, on the moon. What were you doing at the time? Joey was hammered and he was on that. I was, but I was.

No, but I was. I'd have done mushrooms like 10 or 15 times in my life. Jesus. So I understand them. No. I was witnessing Devin, you know, I was. I was drunk, but I wasn't on mushrooms. I just think.

Devin's over dramatic, and his friends also took mushrooms. No, Devin was, Devin was. No, you didn't, you didn't have the same feelings. Yeah, but you're fat. Okay, well, then I'm fat, and you're too fat, and you're too fat, what are we doing? And you were with, you were with your girlfriend, and that's not real. When you're with your girlfriend, you're like, it was a little, all these faggot rules you come up with.

Every little fucking thing, what are you talking about? These fucking weird little rules. All you weird are the lines, I can't. Guys, ooh, okay, fascist. How should I do mushrooms, fascist, Nazi? How should I fucking do mushrooms, commandants? Listen to me. You're mushrooms Nazi.

How about your mushroom's Nazi? You're a drug Nazi. Yeah, sure. But listen, there's a difference there when you have your girlfriend there who you broke up with and, you know, whatever. So there's a million different things going on inside your last girlfriend, by the way? No, it's like first girlfriend. First. There's a million, there's so many different guards up when you're with your girlfriend. You're not with somebody that you, because a lot of, you're not with somebody that you, because a lot of,

of people, a lot of people that let their guard down when they do mushrooms with their girlfriend, they wake up the next day and they go, we got to break up. That was horrible. God told me this is, it made no sense. We were not met for each other. This energy is not right. Blah, blah, blah, blah. So you went into it and you probably had a pretty surface level mushroom experience with your girlfriend because you had a lot of different guards up based on the relationship. I had zero guards up. We were walking all over Traverse City. I went to hotels. I talked to a fucking water meter guy. None of this. None of this should have been able to do that. You were actually as high as me. You should have been How about I can handle my shit?

Well, you're not supposed to. How about my mind is strong? How about that? How about I got a strong mind? I don't know anything about. Also, Connor's ridiculous. He's going to go his whole life, never doing mushrooms, which is insane. I don't think it's that crazy, but it's a fun time.

You got to do them. You need to at least try. That's a fun time. Do them with me. You love me, right? I love you. I love you deeply. But I also, dude, I can't smoke weed.

Yeah, weed's different. Weeds annoying. No, but there's a whole thing about any, I can't do it. where I take something, and then all of a sudden there's a switch. I love drinking. It's pretty gradual. It takes about 30 minutes, and we'll prepare. We'll hold hands, we'll look at the sky.

It's amazing what it can do to your brain. Like, we did mushrooms one time in the woods, and my buddy, Zach, we had, like, water in one thing, and then we were having a fire, so we had gasoline and another. And he went to take a sip of water, and he accidentally drank the gasoline, and then he spit it out, and he's like, you know,

I'm just kind of grateful I got to experience like the tape of that. When would I have ever been able to do that? Exactly. That's fucking real. I wouldn't dream gas. That's very much. That is how amazing they are.

Yeah. Yeah, that makes absolutely sense. I'm grateful. I did mushrooms. I fucking saw kings and queens. He's a lot of queens. Conquering lands. You?

I wasn't there. Ryan's great though, right? Ryan, like, he goes... Well, you were, because I love you, and I was thinking about your life. Ryan, like, goes in and out of, like, debauchery. When he's in it, He's kind of the best part of year of all time.

Yeah. Like he'll have nights where he just drinks to like 5 a.m. Then he'll take mushrooms at 5 a.m. After like a long night. You're doing it. I have to not do that anymore. I did that. The last time I took mushrooms,

I took them at like 3 a.m. by myself. And then around 7, 8 in the morning, I started calling every member of my family to tell them what I really thought of them. Yeah, it was like the 4th of July, like the lily movie. It's fucking awesome. Yeah. It's just not smart.

Was it nice stuff? No, not. I mean, it wasn't all bad, but some of it was just like, you know, I told my dad, he's got like 14-year-old kids because he had two kids every 10 years. This guy's been going to little league games for three and a half decades. And, but I was just like, you know, they need you to nut up and be a man, like, grab your dick and stop, like, being a cuck to your wife and, like, be a father to these children. Was he not raising a bunch of the kids? No, he just doesn't, he just is like at this point kind of a past.

Like, he can't run as much after you in the yard. He lost his speed, so he's not as much of a threat. And he just kind of, like, accepted his life in a way. I'm like, but they need a guy. You know what I mean? Even if your dad is scary, at least he's being a guy. Your dad hangs up the phone and goes and kicks the shit out of his neighbor after that conversation. You know, give him something.

That's interesting. So you grew up kind of being like, my dad is a violent maniac, but then you were kind of like in this mushroom trip. Like, at least that was something. 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think 10 years in New York will do that to you. Because I moved from the sticks to New York thinking I meet interesting people. It's just a bunch of vapid, empty calorie, nothing people.

And then, like, over time, I just was like, all the real people were back there. Yeah. Being like, you know, it wasn't for. Fully, yeah. Stupid fucking, you know, shrimp dinner scene or whatever. John, did you have anything? I've also said many times I don't believe you're getting your, mushrooms are not supposed to be done when drunk. You're supposed to set aside.

day where you're just doing. My worst trips have been drunk. Mushrooms hate alcohol. My worst trips have been drunk. When you, when you take mushrooms on when you're drunk, they go, what are you doing? My booze don't need no buddy. I don't, my booze, they literally go, why are we meeting with this Western faggot? Do you have any revelations? This boosy, I don't want to meet this boozy bitch. I'm a spiritual Eastern person and I'm, I wanted to take you over and now you got this other thing in you. I got slapped in the, I saw, I experienced ego loss when I was on, like, Because when I was on mushrooms the first time, I felt like I had this amazing secret within me.

Because I was walking around a ton of people on a Saturday in a regular town. Everybody's enjoying their day. And then I was like, oh, my God, I had this secret. Nobody knows how fucking, like, high I am. This is amazing. And I'm smarter than everybody and all that shit. And I was standing by Lake Michigan. And I got hit with this big, like, burst of water in my face.

And I was like, I just got slapped in the face by Mother Earth. And I experienced, like, ego loss. I was like, everyone's beautiful. Everyone around me is the most beautiful person on Earth. You should be protected. You were too fat for the mushrooms. I think. Were you at your fattest during this?

I was pretty fucking fat, dude, yeah. What was your, what was your weights, your fattest? My fat is 340. No, no. In that bud light picture? I said 3.50 earlier, I was very close. Wait a minute, Johnny. You did that bud light picture?

I was around, I was around 340. You didn't sell ashyber mushrooms? You weren't waiting yourself back then. No, I was eating port-bellum. It was stuck. That's what I was thinking. You did stuff mushrooms. The whole fucking platter.

Bread crumbs and the marinerer and I experienced ego depth. It was a heart attack. My heart stopped, and I said, Mother Earth doesn't want me to live. You had a fungi pizza. Most of my mushroom trips have just been, like, crazy visuals and me just, like, laughing and having a great time. Yeah.

I think, I think for your, you're bigger than me, and I think you probably need to do more than a day. I probably. I saw, like, what? I saw clocks turning and all. I saw everything. I saw that, I saw the beginning. egg timer.

I saw the beginning of light. You're coming down, down. I saw, like, Adam and Eve. I saw Adam and Eve banging. Oh, God. Okay. Oh, it's really bad, actually, yeah. Oh, you farted?

Yeah, and I farted in the mic and no one heard it. That was pretty good. Oh, really? You did? Yeah, it's really bad, actually. I'm glad you have to talk into that money. No, no.

Stop waving it. The AC's probably shoot it away. It's not a big deal, Deb. Why do you care so much, dude, about somebody farting, bro? We know you're hungry, but you know, you don't need to. Is it gone? It's about gone.

It's a ghost. It was a specter. Dude, one of the first times I did mushrooms, I was, uh, it was like this. All right. So before I went, uh, on the trip, I was walking. I'm in college and I, like, you know, knew a guy from his porch or something. I started talking shit to him. Two days later, I get an email from a girl.

She's like, I was there on the porch and I got your info from my friend. And I liked the way you were talking. Let's go out or whatever. And I'm like, this is weird. but sure so I go meet this girl she's like a redhead girl and I don't know if I can say who it is but I end up going to her house

how do we know who she's a daughter of a guy who people know just say I'll just say it so I go to her house and there's all these fucking weird like half like cracked dolls with like robot parts and then also a bunch of pictures of Muppets all over the like wall with Tom Bergeron and I'm like

why is Tom Bergeron the host of America's Funniest Home Videos with Muppets on your wall. Why couldn't you say you fuck Tom Bergeron's daughter? I'll just, I'm saying it. So then, listen, so she's like, oh, that's my dad. And so now we're in her room. And it's kind of a weird night. And, you know, she wants to have sex.

And I'm like, I don't have a condom. And she's like, literally gets up, puts her ass in the air and is like, well, are you going to keep talking or are you going to do something about it? Because John Wayne was like, wow. But John Wayne And so honestly You gotta keep talking Or you gotta do something I'm seriously

Pilgrim I'm fucking I'm Mindy Bergeron You better come in me Pilgrim Right So I'm Mindy By the way

Like Once you're in your 30s You go I'm gonna go home You know But in that moment As a 20 year old That was like

You're 20 years old Yeah I was 20 And so then we hook up or whatever. And a couple days later, my penis feels terrible. I feel awful. My penis is bad news, right?

And so I'm like, I'm like, what the hell is going on with it? So I go to the urgent care and they're like, ah, no, normal penis, we took the P test. I go, did you fuck Mindy Bird? So they're like, normal penis, it's all good, right? Have the results yet.

So we've seen this before. It's Mindy Birch arrived. She sticks her ass in the air and she talks like John Wayne. You got Mindy Wayne disease. So I'm like, all right, what I guess there's nothing wrong, whatever. So I go to Vermont and I visit my buddy Zach, the gasoline guy, and we are taking mushrooms. And I'm watching like Lake Champlain and I'm watching a squirrel like run down the fucking, you know, power lines like into the distance in Lake Champlain. The most beautiful thing I've ever seen, but I know something is terribly wrong with my penis at the same time.

And so those two things happening at, I just. learned about like the duality of life in that moment, you know? And then two days later, I go back to the urinary care. I'm like, my penis is broken. We need to address this. You guys had the, you had it wrong. And I've been Mindyed.

They were like, well, we've already done everything. So we're going to have to try something else. I'm like, all right, whatever. I swear to God, and this is fucked up that I'm even saying this, but this doctor comes in and puts a finger condom on and fingers my asshole. What the heck? And then he leaves.

Uh-huh. And by the way, my name is Tom Burr. You're on America's money's What do you think it's called The Long Con On America's Money's Home Videos And so then it turns out it was Klamydia got an antibiotic and all is good

But I got molested in the process, apparently Oh, my God There was no reason for it So what we're finding out is Tom Bergeron's daughter is Kind of a dirty woman No, well, at that time. Hey, chill, chill, chill, chill.

Yo, chill. Hey, bro, chill. God. That's crazy. What a story. Sorry, guys. I don't know. That was good.

That was great. That was saying, God, to his daughter. God, Tom Bergeron's daughter. Chillie. You know she must have been doing that. If she's texting, like, oh, you're high on mushrooms come fucking. Yeah, she's emailing guys that she saw on the street on mushroom. She must have been doing that to everybody about.

How did she find your email, by the way? I think it was a. college friend that was also with her, and so she knew, crazy, like my, just knew my name and then emailed at, being horny through sending an email is crazy. I should have known right there. It's so business. It's so business. Yeah. My best, Mindy Bergeron. Professional slut. Yeah. Professional. Yeah. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna signature. You're, you're like in a Google Doc. Veteran horror. Veteran horror. Being like, Clemidi, Clemidi, Berser on veteran horror. It's automatically on the bottom of green. Mini Berser on veteran horror. Clemity.

giving rind on you. Like Esquire. Remember to CC the gang bang people. Damn, wild. What a buck wild bitch. Hey, you're crazy bitch, but you Tom Berger Run's not a so I fuck with it.

All right, one last thing with Matt Rife and his ghosts. Do you spend the night in the same home as the doll from the Annabelle movie? Yes. Well, comedian Matt Rife just announced he's now the legal guardian of the doll. Jesus Christ, he's getting more God, what is that? He's a little spooky guy.

Undertaker. Yeah. I have just bought the Ed and Lorraine Warren's home and occult museum museum with my very good friend Elton Casta. We are the legal guardians and caretakers of all 750 haunted artifacts and items in the Warren Museum, including the Annabelle. Including Gene Hackman's money. Including Jean and his wife. You might know her from the Mummy 3, the Chinese one. Matt Rife is now in possession of Gene Hackman's Oriental ghost.

Numerous books about their exploits and inspired a string of Hollywood hits, including the Amnneville horror, the Conjuring, and the Annabelle movie franchises. We should start calling her the Jet Li Mummy. A moment. Gently Mommy. Mummy 3 is Jet Li. Yeah. Oh, that's right. This is about as big as it gets.

Damn. This is about as big as it gets, guys. That sucked. Rife. Oh, yeah. People make full living just doing that. Like, just putting their stupid body on a fucking video that someone else made and talking. Yeah.

No, like boring. Like that. Oh, that's their whole 100,000. Yeah. Yeah, that's, you know. People are getting rich off that. It's just, like, cutting back to their, like, face being like, whoo? Yeah.

And then back to the video. Mm-hmm. It's a sad. Tick-Tock It's sad Scam That's why everyone says That that horror movie is brilliant

Because they're used to watching These fucking absolute goons For eight hours a day And then a movie's just not The worst thing ever And it's like the greatest movie The bar couldn't be lower It's just it's yeah

I don't know The analogy horror film is like It's good but it's kind of runs its course I miss straight up ghost movies Yeah just like I miss that shit I don't miss that either I just don't know what to do with the media Dude I miss like 90s like scream

where you're just watching these, like, hot teenagers get bludgeoned to death. I don't like those movies. They scare me. But they have tits in them and stuff, yeah. A woman getting stabbed in her tit. Yeah, you're just watching, like, hot people get murdered. Who doesn't want to see that? I love that.

I love that. I love that. I also love it. It was so, dude, that demon that explodes at the end is so funny. Constantine is great. The best. Love Constantine. It's great.

The best. It's not really a horror movie, though. No, it's a ghost demon movie. It's cool as hell. It's a superhero movie. be actually yeah all right well i think we've done some good work here have we i think so we haven't even done an hour have you're kind of no we're we're done i think we've done well oh we're we yeah mrs chris our seven oh it's looking it looked like i was just miss reading you guys i just

want to say that flew by because i was having fun yeah every time hey happy you're here thanks yeah i love you i'm really glad you got abandoned i'm sad about what happened you