Hate Watch with Devan Costa - The Emerson Spooky

Episode Date: June 24, 2024

"Sasquatch, Godzilla, King Kong, Lochness, Goblin, Ghoul, The Emerson Spooky with no conscience" - Jay-Z https://www.patreon.com/HateWatchPodcast

It's good to be in something from the ground floor. I came too late for that. I know But lately I'm getting the feeling that I came in at the end The best is over Many Americans I think feel that way It's a job, you know, somebody's got to do it clocking in clocking in at Chang's Locking in at Chang's. Locking in at Chang's. No one really cares about Brendan Shaw anymore. I find it sad.

I like him now. I like him a lot. I find him very endearing. I find him endearing too now, because he took his hits. You know, they never knocked him down, Ray. You never got me down, Ray. You never got me down, subreddit.

You can try all you want, you fucking mutts, but you never knocked the shop down. Do you think the homeless cats have any remorse? No, not at all, no. They think he's such a vile, soulless, more like, like, like guy with no morality. They just hate him so much. They hate that whole show so much.

It's just so funny for a guy to get bullied out of doing comedy and then immediately flips his car. Yeah, that was fun. It's really fun. The timing of that was pretty incredible. Shaw just in the middle of the desert doing donuts and flipping his new 4Runner immediately. Yeah, it's honestly the best comedic timing he's ever had in his entire career.

Yeah, and then Sean, I think you have, I mean, it would have been a great, he's not funny enough for this probably, but like put a neck brace on, have a neck brace wherever you go. Like do like a Janis Sobrano and just have a neck brace on. Yeah, immediately.

Sue Toyota, like, you know. Have that be your Bert Kreischer shirtless thing. Publicize your lawsuit with Toyota Seems pretty simple. Yeah, well Joey is hopefully on his way. He's a drunk sleepy bozo that Is just you know? The world runs around him. He doesn't he doesn't he doesn't run. Yeah, you're on Joey time, right? Yeah So he will be here hopefully for the second episode. I hope so.

We are on day two. Day two, we've done over, we're doing five episodes in two days. Three episodes last night. Pretty smooth, I gotta say. I thought it was fine. They were fun episodes. Yeah, it wasn't that hard to do.

No. I was talking about how I wanna do a thing where I wanna show people, cause I don't really like the whole like, people don't understand like how podcasters have it so easy. Like in the old days, if you were a broadcaster, you would be doing this every day for like four hours.

Yeah, you're up like crack it on. So yeah, like fucking, I think it'd be funny if we did like a week where we recorded every night. We should do just Jocktober. Yeah. Jocktober is a good idea. I like that a lot. We did we did pod We did pot. I love to bring it back. Okay, we have to find some podcasts that are safe to shit on

But yeah, we were doing like you'll never make it. Unfortunately, the only podcast we shouldn't it was just like women Keep doing we just go like it's pods over. We have to share these podcasts who sucks it talking No, there's women that talking to Mike's let's do that do when I was a guest on this podcast like That was like two years ago right Just hate watching Emerson student suit Was like this is actually really great, but I love I miss that idea actually do that right now Emerson comedy college they had a whole fucking program there

Season 9 some of these look fairly new a year ago that here we go Carboneau Wearing Bushwick man, what an Emerson man? It's gotta be against the law, it's just damn good. Watch out now. They're doing like a sorry now line. Cause baby I feel real good. And Ava Whitley. Man, what is it about every single female comedian's name

being completely made up? It just sounds like some, yeah, it sounds like they were put in a generator. It's really insane. Yeah, yeah. Emily Hammond. Yes. Right. Ava Whitley. It's like, that's not a real fucking person.

Yep, yep. Deborah Patton Do everything when I'm like come on Patricia O'Neill That's actually real person. Is that a real person? Yeah, oh You guess enough time Ellen Degeneres. Amy Poehler. This is season nine. They've been doing a season of this.

So it gets 537 views in this whole season now. How long is this, a year ago? A year ago, yeah. 537 views. I believe Ivy Wolk did this. She hit me up once after we did this episode. She said she was terrified. We will one day stumble upon her. Let's find it. Ah, you know, she's a good kid

Thank you guys so much, thank you Thank you so much! Thanks guys! Shut up gay guy! Hahahaha They're in the front row Hahahaha They're there Sitting there like this Hahahaha Silence homo!

Hahahaha Stop being so fucking cute! Hahahaha You're cute! You're cute! You're cute! Precious. I'm gonna lock you up. I'm gonna suck your dick every morning while you're chained to my radiator! And it's your fault!

You actually want to give him that East German outfit. It's to keep you warm. God, he looks like he's in Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy or something. He looks like the kid from that horrible Tom Hanks movie where it's really loud and obnoxious all the time. Incredibly loud and incredibly close. That's the name of the special. Dude, it's very funny to do Saw and just rape a man every single day. You're fully chained up. You come out like, let's very funny to do saw and just rape a man every single day Yeah, right

You're fully chained up, you come out like, let's play a game There's no clues, there's no puzzle, you just fuck him Get on all fours Also, it's better if you suck him off actually I'm not consensual But I keep, I go, get on all fours, pussy You're a fucking homo But you're dressed like Jigsaw, you're dressed like Little Clown

You're sucking him off I drive him a little bike around the room And circle around him In a fucking homo! He's sucking my mind. But you're dressed like Jigsaw, you're dressed like Little Clown. I love dress, I drive over a little bike around the room. And circle around him. I'm the Tugget Guy voice. I go, someone's gonna get sucked! You like getting your dick sucked. Tugget Guy upgrades to sucking people off. Tugget Guy as Jigsaw is a pretty great character.

I wanna play a game. We can play a game. Little feller. We can play a game, Emerson Comedy Homo. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Woo, we are off to the races! Yeah, fuck Joey actually.

Fuck Joey! Fuck the door. Oh, that's so kind. Thank you so much. Oh, wow. Oh, thanks for coming to the Emerson Comedy Special. Why is there like a clicking in this video? Do you know how much money Emerson has and they can't get their audio right?

It's really insane. Still everyone, give yourselves a hand. Audience not mic'd whatsoever. You know this is the first and only time Emerson has ever done this. Jesus fuck, that's horrible. We're never gonna do it again, so this is really important.

I love when nothing, nope, comedy shows full of absolute nobodies say, this is a one night only experience, you'll never see this again. No, no, Devon, it's worse than that, he's being ironic, they do this all the time. That's the joke. Oh, got you.

Yeah. Man, I can't. No, it's much darker than- I can't keep up with these Ivy League funks. It's much worse. It's much worse than what you were saying. I can't keep up. Yeah, I didn't go to college.

In here. Now we have five brilliant comedians tonight. All of them students, all of them funny. I told you guys earlier, he's like, will they suck me? Dude, we should go to Boston, we should get tickets for the next showcase and just be the worst. We totally should.

Just me like, we have five incredible comedians today, and me and you're in the back, me like, doubt it, no shot. Not a chance. Not a chance at all. Your sweater's ugly! It's bland! And drab, homo!

The gay guy that keeps insulting gay guys Your fucking clavicle looks like shit! I have my personal friends, and one of them is an enemy. My name is Max, I'll be your emcee for tonight. Matt Carbonara, Charbonneau. Like the Sandman, and all of you are my beautiful little children tucked away in bed. You may not feel like college is a plague that gives nothings confidence in themselves.

It makes them feel like they should speak on any issue. Or have any new effort to talk. It's also like the time capsule. It's like why you're doing like 2015 QT comedy. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I'm gonna kill this fucking queen. You're sleeping tonight, but I assure you,

when you wake up, you'll be the most well- We'll see if this buzzing goes with this. King non-alcoholic beers and. No, they never figured out. No. Of course, of course he implements singing and dancing. He goes into the crowd. Let's see the next one.

Brown Lately. Oh shit, Jesus fucking Christ. Well this guy better be funny, cause he's. He's fast. He's a mess. Yeah. No.

Nope. No. Dude, he's wearing the classic like, Link outfit. Yeah. That everyone makes fun of. The Target. The Target Link shirt, cargo pants. What's up with the belt, dude? He picked that shirt out today.

Look is for me, of course, because I cannot find one of those guys. But I'm not actually a therapist. Just me in the back being like, this one's gay too? Ha ha ha ha ha. How? He's fat and ugly! I go, shut up, I like the chubby ones! It's you and I fighting in the back.

He's juicy! I'm like, whatever you like, maybe I'll listen to him then. More cushion for the potion, Connor, fuck you! He's mine! It slowly devolves from heckling to you guys fighting over the dudes. By comic six, you and I are walking up with a net, just throwing it over the comic. Actually, a art school student, and that hasn't been... I go, art school, homo, suck me! and that hasn't been by the

uh... uh... uh... and i've i've been pointed why and i'd like to talk about it today i have anxiety and not like jenny's anxiety or specific anxiety but a very of and he has a shirt that says get to the point Point, and it's got a porcupine on it. And it would be really funny if he's a really

long-winded comedian that never... Yeah. Never sums up what he's talking about. Put it down! You fucking shit, it's not even ironic, it's real! Get to the fucking point! Before I fuck you! I'll fuck everyone at Emerson.

You're all a bunch of homos. Just me pushing past women. Like assassin freeze. All the women at Emerson are going, you're gross. Just palming women's heads like basketballs and just fucking tossing them. It'll be like the scene when Bernie Mac and head of state gets off the train

and he just slapping people. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Out of my way wench, I'm looking for the fat queer. Anxiety that comes from a deep egomaniacal place. I crave approval and I have to be right about things and it's led to a lot of problems, especially living in a big city. And so one of my problems is the T.

And I'm sure you've felt this when you get on the T and your body tenses up and you start shaking. Talking about testosterone? The train? Maybe? The train? And you just feel like everybody's looking at you and you don't know why. And so... It's the T train. It's because you look like shit, buddy. I go, it's because you look like other shit! Everybody's looking at you, and you don't know why and so the teacher I do Mel Gibson quotes. I hope by the tea you get raped. I hope by the tea you get raped by a pack of whoop.

Somehow nobody in Emerson removes me from the crowd. They're all such pussies they just let this psychopath terrorize the whole show. You're nagging him, you're like, damn, see, you would have sucked me in a minute. You all fear me. All of you fear me. Everyone in this room fears me. You won't kick me out, because you know you'll get raped too.

First person that touches me gets raped. By the way, the raping in this, it's not penetrative. We are sucking them off. No, they suck them off, suck off rapes We're simply non-consensually sucking these dudes off Suck off rapes If they come within a five foot radius of us you're getting sucked Suck off rapes

Oh fuck Oh god Okay alright Joey's headed over You were great And so that's been happening to me a lot since freshman year. Next. And it recently dawned on me that the problem is, I believe- What are they?

Let this guy do fucking 20? Jesus Christ. Jesus fucking Christ. Jesus fucking Christ. Oh, is this like a- Oh, no, no, okay. All right, here we go. Well, on to another. Give it up for McKenna Tedford-Coles.

No, no shot. That's a real name. McKenna Tedford-Coles. I mean, what are we doing here? for McKenna Tedford-Coles. No, no shot, that's a real name. McKenna Tedford-Coles. I mean, what are we doing here? Jesus. Yeah.

Woo! Hello, hello, hello, hello. I had kind of a weird summer. I changed a lot. You're about to- It hasn't ended yet! You've just started your descent into madness! I'm eating that pussy whether you like it or not! You better stretch out that clit! Cause if it doesn't feel like a dick in my mouth I'll fucking kill you!

I'm eating that pussy whether you like it or not! Cause if it doesn't feel like a dick in my mouth I'll fucking kill you! Cause if it doesn't feel like a dick in my mouth I'll fucking kill you! Cause if it doesn't feel like a dick in my mouth I'll fucking kill you! Cause if it doesn't feel like a dick in my mouth I'll fucking kill you! Cause if it doesn't feel like a dick in my mouth I'll fucking kill you! Cause if it doesn't feel like a dick in my mouth I'll fucking kill you! Cause if it doesn not! You better stretch out that clit! Cause if it doesn't feel like a dick in my mouth I'll fucking kill you!

I'll blow your head off! McKenna Tedford Coleman There's an air into the sky in the back, he's like Yeah, newsflash assholes, I'm bi! Everyone's getting sucked! Myself, well I'm almost 20 and I haven't changed yet, so what is this whole damn thing about? This video stinks because the noise is annoying. Let's find another one. Season 7, one year ago. See if they figured out their...

It's worse, it sounds like pirate radio. Oh my god, she's got a... Oh, we watched this. This is the one where the director was horny. It's worse. It sounds like pirate radio. Oh my God. She's got a... Oh, we watched this. This is the one where the guys, the director was horny. We watched this one? That was our bit. Oh yeah. She was like, talk more about your pussy.

Oh, season 10. Oh, there we go. Oh, this is new. Oh, they got non-binary people. How's everyone doing tonight? Jesus. Oh, this is awesome. All right, so my name is Jamie Elder.

I am going to be your host for the evening. So I'm gonna be up here all night. So. You look young to me, whore. My God. And I'll be your host for the rest of your life. Ah. You see the movie Room? host for the rest of your life. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Lock them! Lock every damn door in this place. You're all mine! I got 20 years worth of anger issues

and a pack of matches we'll get into in the next five minutes. I'm kidding, of course. No. I have a lighter, what is this, the 1800s? I'm not using a goddamn match. I like to think of myself as a very well-traveled. I'll light a match after I suck off every single person in this room and blow you to pieces.

Ha ha ha ha, hide the evidence. It's simple, you have gasoline. I'm just walking around the room wearing gasoline. Nobody cares. I know what's doing this thing about me. Ha ha ha ha. You have every other sink top. We are also the best comic in the room at every show.

We're the only relief. I like the guy back there, he's pretty good actually. Sounds deranged but he's pretty funny. The timing is great, the work play's good, I like the guy. It's just all their parents, they flew their parents into Emerson, I'm watching them do horrible comedy

and all the parents are like, that guy kicked ass. It's like a dance there, it's like, yeah, you can fuck my son. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know what's really funny about these

is that it's actually meaner for us to not riff on them. Yes. Because the silence is loud. It's brutal. Yeah, it's brutal. They are just, we're just playing someone bombing. They need our help. Yeah.

Yeah. And that's why we do this. We love young comics. Yeah, we're helping you out. We help the people at Emerson. You know, you're idealistic. These kids, they think they have a big bright future ahead. The whole world is their oyster. They got the world by the balls.

And we're trying to help them. And then boom, you're in my basement. And now, yeah, exactly. Now I got you by the balls, huh? You thought you had a bright future. Fuck you, you're the chosen are not the future. 30 years from now, you're the head of the comedy for the department at Emerson College.

Yeah, yeah. They run the whole thing. You retire from Women Party. They're like, I'm going to have a really nice retirement at Emerson. It just really looks like the end of Deerhunters, just me playing Russian roulette with kids. The basement becomes like the comedy store.

And we're unattractive to you, or they're like, I didn't get passed for the basement. Sucks. You know, I've been everywhere. You name it, I've gone. Florida. Very good. Boston.

The basement. Take the words right out of my mouth, brother. Yeah! The basement! Took the words right out of my mouth, brother. What about the vents? You'll soon be in my vents! The South Floring! What about hell? Oh, fuck! I go to Florida a lot, but not like in a Republican golf

alligator type thing. We're doing a little skit. Yeah, we don't think you're going to Florida to play golf. Oh, here, go to the non-binary. I want to see the non-binary. Binary? The non-binary. She gets up, I go, what the hell even is this?

Do I suck? How do I suck you? What even are you? I will suck it regardless, but somebody explain it to me. You need to explain what I'm sucking. You're confused, you go, suck, no suck. Dick, click, what is this? My voice is cracking in the back of my mouth. Somebody's just like, oh, it's just the Emerson Spooky. He's always here. He's a character every year.

The Emerson Spooky. We all love him. It's some gay 300-year-old Ivy League tradition. He started in 1779. You're being haze by the king. We freak out so hard we have an aneurysm we die and they have a Viking funeral for us. It's a tradition though.

They just push us out to the ocean they shoot a bow and arrow on fire at us. Time to put down the Emerson Spooky. At the end of every comedy special. The Emerson Spooky. The Emerson Spooky. At the end of every comedy special. The Emerson Spooky. The Emerson Spooky. He sits in the audience and he makes homophobic remarks at the comedians.

They all love him. Hi. Shout out to my roommate, this is her sweater. Good, yes. Have you guys ever actually held a real. I'll turn you into a sweater. Good, yes. Have you guys ever actually held a real- I'll turn you into a sweater. A lampshade. That's right folks, I'm a Nazi.

They didn't catch all of us. Just the guy who's been to every season of the table, he's like, he's a bisexual Nazi? Jesus, this guy has layers. But given the setting, a comedy show at Emerson. No. I really don't think it is. So I beg everyone to think back. Last time you held a football, who was president?

Was it this one? Oh, woof. Was it the last one? Was it the one right before? Yeah. That's what I thought. Get in there Emerson Spooky. But remember the first time you held it? Emerson Spooky's like, I actually like this one.

Let it talk. I know I've seen it a million times. I just feel like. Something about her I like. I know exactly what I'm feeling. It calms down. And I think when I see one guy. People are eating too loud, he's like, SHUT UP! I'm trying to listen!

This is fucking fascinated! Shut the fuck up! I'm involved! I'm heavily involved in the story! You will be the new Emerson Spooky next year! She's crying.

Oh god, I love this character. But remember when you actually did throw it, and it didn't make a spiral? It's that like flippy floppy thing in the sky? I go, yes, yes, I remember, yes, go on. Go on. Go on, I'm edging. And do you remember being like, God, I have never seen a football do that before. What the fuck are you talking about? I think something's wrong with that football. That's the analogy I like to use

to describe the first time I had lesbian sex. There we go. Yes. I'll elaborate, don't worry you guys. The spookies are like, please. Please elaborate. God, imagine being a dad. On your family's home computer or that iPad that they gave you in middle school.

So you think you know what it's like, but wow, when rubber meets the road, you have literally no idea. I get it girl, I get it. Oh yeah. You hear that in the back? He's got it this time. Totally. He's just, he's fully jacked off.

Yeah, he's jacked off. Oh yeah. Oh I love women that look like Clark Duke. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha When the river hits the road, the Emerson Spooky's there to perform. I'm gonna tie you to a rope at the end of my Mustang. The Emerson Spooky. Yeah. Ha ha ha. The Emerson Spooky is just, it's a guy who buys a ticket every season.

Every year. He goes to will call, they're like naming us. The Emerson Spooky. Somebody, he misses, he doesn't get the timing right, he misses somebody, he goes, yeah, season 11 of the Emerson, he misses, he doesn't get the timing right, he misses somebody, he goes, yeah, season 11 of the Emerson, he goes, what? But I'm on the mailing list, huh? They must have changed email.

Uh. Turn to it. Remember when you saw the stitches on the football, and you were like, that seems pretty arbitrary. Do I have to pay attention to that? Yeah. This is what happens when kids don't, no one's like mean in school.

Nobody's like talking shit. You gotta sharpen your sword somehow and it's through sheer brutality. People have to be like mean and stuff. Not like on a vicious level, but there has to be like a healthy dose of ribbing involved. For people to be like, this is these, these, they think anything they say is somehow

like interesting and funny. Cause they've never had like any real social adversity, I guess. They kind of give themselves social adversity. Like this. Well, on top of that, they're also rich kids. They go to Emerson. So it's like layers upon layers or just like no experience whatsoever.

Yeah. Actually crucial. I remember the first time you held it, you had to put your first two fingers on the first two stitches. Mm. Talk about it. Okay, I still don't know the semantics of the play.

Yes, yes, oh, I'm going to bust in my pants. You can throw. I love when women can throw like boys. It's starting to get more in a weird way. And you feel like you're just about to lose your grasp on the football you're holding for dear life. And then you remember that Cosmo article you read when you were 14 that said not to use your nails.

And so. I go, go on, girl. I go, top that shit! Say queen! Say! Yes! Yes queen! Yes! Yes!

The Amazon's spooky! You're serving cunt queen! It's serving time! When you finally do throw it at another person, the only thing you're thinking is like... Next. That's gotta hurt. Man, they make them do it a long time. That has gotta hurt. That's on me.

Oh, here we go. Here's the bro at Emerson. Yo, what's up? Y'all been watching porn recently? Okay. Ooh, there we go. I'm tired of these porn ads, dude. Enough already.

They don't make any sense. I'm tired of these porn ads, dude. I'm tired of these porn ads, dude. I'm tired of these porn ads, dude. I'm tired of these porn ads, dude. I'm tired of these porn ads, dude. I'm tired of these porn ads, dude. I'm tired of these porn ads, dude. I'mall been watching porn recently? Okay. Ooh, there we go. I'm tired of these porn ads, dude. Enough already. They don't make any damn sense. It's ridiculous.

They start off with like- You like porn? We can make a porn! Hahahaha! You, me, my radiator! Some handcuffs. I'll suck you up. And you better enjoy it. And I hope you like them, Toothy.

I bite. I grind in my sleep. I can't help it. I'm sorry. Genuinely apologetic. When we're finished, you can of course go to sleep. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But don't worry you're behind seven feet of concrete What happens in my basement is Meets porno. Who keeps his tapes? Oh, fuck. The dumbest question I could possibly think of. Nice chain to go. Somebody goes, hey, are you masturbating alone?

I'll give you a necklace. A white translucent necklace of the pearl variety. The pearls and the the Pearls. Yeah. What with your fucking hair and your fucking Puerto Rican? I really hope they're already in the copyrights. What are your fucking 1980s Puerto Rican?

His hands are like as if they were shooting from his forehead. Dirty girl, I come to Emerson to get away from his forehead. Oh. A dirty girl. I come to Amazon to get away from that shit. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. He just actually sure exited. I didn't know they let poors in here. Ha ha ha ha ha. Oh.

Actually, I'm masturbating with company right now. I'd prefer if you address all of us or none of us at all. Make no damn sense. Then they're like, we can get you to climax in three seconds or less. Are you in? Two! I can beat it!

I can beat that time. Have you been sucked off by the best? The Tugget guy's there too though. He's like my buddy. It's the Tugget guy, the Emerson Spooky, and the Hat Man. Yeah, the Hat Man. But the Tugget guy is just kind of like, he's like kind of happy-go-lucky,

but little do people know, he has that fang on him. And he blows people's heads off and crack your barrel for a living. Give me your steel, Tugget guy! But he's just kind of, he's in a very humorous way, just kind of walking up and down the halls and locking doors. No pants on.

No pants on. No pants on. Giant red cock. Giant red cock. Walking around. Brick on. No pants on. No pants on. Giant red clock. It's daddy clock. What? It's so stupid. It's really the funniest scene I could possibly imagine. He keeps looking at the Emerson spooky going,

this door too. Take it like this. Yes, target guy. The Babadooks in the corners giving a thumbs up. They all descend to me. The Boba Dukes in the corner's giving a thumbs up I'm sweating so much. Oh, that's good. I can't think of anybody who's into that. I'm trying not to do that all the time. This is my favorite part. And they hit you with this advertisement for a game.

I'm going to hit you with something. This game will take you places you've never gone. And it's always like you getting it on. I can't wait to see the Emerson Spooky take a bow. March 7th game. They're holding hands. And it's always like I can't wait to see the Emerson Emerson spooky the tug-of-man and the Babadook guns stage together they hold hands they bow And there's just roses being thrown on it's a standing ovation They do that thing that villains and plays do where they pretend to be bad for a second and they all go oh and then they

Alright here we go. Hey everyone. I'm Ray and I'm one of those transgenders that Tucker Carlson has a crush on. Emerson spoke to me like, he goes, we already saw you happening here! Tugged and died, killer! He yells at the tugged guy to kill her. Like if I pulls out the Joker revolver. Like that man's cannon. If I pulls out the Joker revolver.

Like that damn cannon. It's so funny how all these non-binary's look so fucking similar. She said she was trans, I think. Oh, whatever. It's just say in elementary school, if a boy like likes you, he'll pull your piggy tails. So is this a guy that has become a woman or a woman? A chick that's become a dude. Rewind a little bit, I don't know what she said. She's a chick.

She says Tucker Carlson, she's going after Tucker Carlson, not knowing that Tucker Carlson would wreck her in any scenario. Hey everyone, I'm Rae. And I'm one of those transgenders that Tucker Carlson has a crush on. I think it's a man.

No, that's a guy. That's a girl, that's a girl. They like to say in elementary school, if a boy like likes you, he'll pull your piggy tails. But when you grow up, a boy like likes you if he goes on national television and says you don't deserve rights. But conservatives have this weird rhetoric around.

You leave Tucker alone! I love Tucker! It's ruining their bodies. Crossfire was a genius show! I'll put a bow tie on your clit and suck you to high hell! You so much as mention Glenn Beck, I'm sucking your skeleton out of your pussy! Andrew Breitbart! I seriously doubt that a middle schooler is going to the bathroom during the third period and getting peer pressured by the cool kids

into taking a puff of estrogen. But I do think conservatives are right about one thing, hormone therapy, it's a really important step. It's like race politics in the United States. We're right about one thing. hormone therapy, it's really important. It's like race politics in the United States. We're right about one thing. It's race politics. Crime statistics. She starts going on an onion, racist tyrant.

It's crazy how 13% of that is you, 50% of the crime, isn't it? The spooky's just like, speak on it, sister. Ha ha ha ha. Looks like we got a couple people serving cunt tonight! Ha ha ha! That's my girl! Ha ha ha!

I'll be serving cunt on a silver platter! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! So you need to be well informed before deciding to do it. And my doctor forgot to mention a few side effects before I went on T, and if I had known about them, then my doctor started. You're on T? Yeah, it's a girl on T. Yeah, I mean like, I can't. I was expecting all of a few side effects before I went on T. And if I had known about them, then my talk had started. You're on T? Yeah, it's a girl on T.

Yeah, I mean like, I keep. I was expecting all of the normal side effects, the hair growth, the voice drop, but I was shocked when I turned into a male manipulator. What? Imagine if, that's crazy. And it started fast. I woke up the first day after my first shot

and my red receipts were turned on. The Emerson Spookies, like, how the fuck are you a man with earrings? I deem you unfinished. Incomplete botch job. Target guy, get her. Loading not done. Your Wi-Fi is off! You have not fully loaded! Oh fuck. By the end of the week I was texting girl.

Alright next. Next. I love how you Skype for and you just hear it go them slash day baby girl. Oh, you know it's really oh Here we go. It's Sturgill Simpson. Oh Fuck oh god boy started sending random addresses puppets Covered in fake blood Oh, there we go. Random as hell. Covered in fake blood. He goes, BAAAAAAA!

He does the thumb of the gladiator, he's like, BAAAAAA! He's just violently being like, not for me! Personally! But it is nice to see a stall white man here. I see the Mitch Hedberg influence, sure. I will suck him regardless. It's a little played out Hayden Hamilton, but I'll suck you. Your comedy styling's,

draft, bland, derivative. But mostly bland. This is a sit-down conversation after the show. The Emerson Spooky's like, Hey Hayden, can I speak to you for a second? Sitting at a stool. Can I speak to you for a second? Hayden, Hayden, come on, let me give you some words of wisdom.

Hayden, take a seat. Take a seat. Listen, uh, your flannel is really, really cheap. You look like shit up there. Your derivative you're copying, mid-gen. That doesn't mean I'm not going to tie you up and suck you up. I can see you're worried, but don't worry. Don't worry. Don't worry. You will be chained to an artist regardless. Don't worry, you will still be given a meal of Cheerios

every night after I suck you out. He's feeding you Cheerios. No milk, no milk. Well, there will be milk, but you will be prepared. You will provide it. But Hayden, listen, I noticed a couple of your setups were weak. There's a lack of punch lines. Now you have a hand in this.

He recommends crashing. He goes, I want you to watch a show. He goes, there's a show out there. I can never get my hands on him. He's a slippery fuck, the Holmes. But, alright, he was a great damn comic. Well, he's a Christian, and you know Christ compels me, so. No!

Ha ha ha! I am an actual demon. Ha ha ha! Yeah, okay. So the Emerson Spooky has the Babadook and the Tugging Guy. They're from hell. The Emerson Spooky is an elderly, bisexual Nazi, Stanch Republican.

Ha ha ha! That teaches the Emerson School of Comedy. That is also a demon. That's a demon. But he's obsessed with the Emerson School of Comedy. He's like Spring-Heeled Jack. Or the Jersey Devil. He has a 9 to 5 inhale.

And once a year he takes a trip. He's Beetlejuice. Oh, fuck. Good luck. Scientists, they're interesting people. Oh fuck. Good luck. Scientists, they're interesting people. Recently, they wanted to see if cocaine would work on animals besides humans. That's apparently where we're at now. And to do this, they took cocaine and they put in the middle of flowers

that bees were going to pollinate. And I don't know if you all know the science of bees, but they tell other bees about really great flowers. They dance. Well, you fix the goddamn audio issues. He goes, Hayden,den the mics trying to kill itself Do I want to hear this joke still work because these bees were like whoa There we go. I gotta try this flower right now. Oh, he's a big Jim Carrey Right now. Oh, he's a big Jim Carrey.

You're not committing to the act out, Hayden! He's crazy. This guy's unironically having the worst end of the night. Yeah, because he's really trying to do kind of a traditional. He's doing an act out. Yeah. He's the only one who has to do that. The target guy was the one giving him the light.

He's like really good about it. When I was six years old, I was outside playing. He gives him the light, Aiden goes, is that one or two? He goes, it's two, but it should be one, Aiden. Bird shit in my mouth. No expeditives! You gotta work every room! It's a clean show

You box yourself in with that kind of speak! Get that junk out of here! Get that junk out! The ever so spooky hates Potty Mouth HAHAHAHA He wants us talking about making this joke He really hates blue comedy HAHAHAHA It's easy and cheap! I thought he was talking about making the film. He really hates blue comedy.

It's easy and cheap! He goes, the neighbor gotsie, that's someone you should look up to! Jeff Dunham! They say when a bird defecates upon you, it's supposed to be good luck, but... Alright final I think when a bird defecates within you it's like an upside-down tarot card This is bad luck. It'll be like Requiem for a Dream, it'll be ass to ass except I have a loaded turd shooting right into your asshole. He's saying that but he hates dirty jokes. He says all that after he says he hates dirty jokes. The tug-of-guy's there, he's holding his cheeks wide open.

I'm everything spooky, he's got his cheeks wide open. And I'm on the emerald and spooky. He's got his ass up to his ass. And he shits out like a perfect turd into him. It's a torpedo. Yeah, torpedo. It's a full projectile. It's good for the biome, Hayden. We're replenishing your gut biome.

It's appealing to science. Yeah, it's appealing to science, huh? I'm a He's a demon from a who's a Nazi who believes science is real I'll give you some examples. I recently messaged this girl Fuck is this thing? Hi guys, um, I'm the thing. Hi guys. Um. I'm gonna get right into it. Um. I, I, I um. Soskey a penning more like

Soskey a pegging! That's right! You're fucking me in the ass! You're gonna fuck me! I'll get a long chain so you have full... You can move freely about in the room. You have full roaming power in the room.

We're gonna have that one a long leash, Tug of Guy in the room. She gets the room! Tug of Guy! Take a note! Slaskey of Peking, as I like to call her, will have a long chain so she can go unmolested by the... He goes, noted! He goes, okay, gotcha! Noted!

He goes, by the way, when do you want me to shoot at these people? Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe He goes, Emerson's spooky, the gravy's getting cold. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha It's sick because why am I worried about a man at my big age? You know what I'm saying? Like I outgrew that like why am I worried about the idea of sharing anything with a straight man? Kind of makes me feel like I just spun around a bunch of Why are you wearing camo? What are you one of those bugs that tries to be a leaf? You try to hide from me and there's no one else That's why my walls are white!

Dovered in my jeez! You'll see it tonight I'm getting into interior design. I need to take kids out in the woods and then they started wearing camo and I had to change up the whole game. How about you and I take a day trip to Somerville? Go to some antique stores, some book stores. I know you like to read. You have a great mind. From Emerson. But after that, the minute it's dark, back to my room! Fuck. Oh man. Let's finish.

You'll see this lady. I'm not attracted to men by being like, ugh, and then like pushing a bunch of pieces of dead fish and then like smashing a beer can on my head. Like that's not who I am. Don't demean yourself, it's unbecoming. I was like a three-man show with three queens. Never knock your own. It's my feminine kick. She's doing the best.

Yeah, yeah, she's actually doing the best. I generally like try to create as little overlap role of them between me and straight men as possible. I generally like try to create as little overlap Between me and straight men as possible. So it's like if it was a Venn diagram, right? It'd be like me on one side and I have like By demon Nazis from here Sausage dry elbows, chest, and then like just going. The Emerson Spooky does his set after this.

Yeah, he goes up, he goes, hey, what's up kids? Hey, most of you know me, I keep you chained up. I've ripped all of you. He's like, you know what's really chained me up is the Taco Bell Cantina menu. He's like, he's an absolute hack. He's like, let me know, Tinder? Tinder? Jesus Christ. Dating in LA is kinda hard.

What the hell? Hinge? He starts to cry, we go, how'd you guys meet? Oh, in my basement? Yeah, of course, you've all met in my basement. Oh, fuck. And then like, right in the middle it's just women. And that's it.

And maybe grant that thought. He goes, great game, great game. I'm more of a red dead guy myself, but I love GTA. I love the open world aspect of it. I mean, we can all relate to that, can't we? Don't even get me started on Ghost of Tsushima. Don't even get me started. Yeah.

But I never know how to act around straight men I because I Stuttering prick like we should Fucking rules You fucking rules dude. Oh my god. That's amazing. That's that. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Kevin Spacey, he's the Emerson Spooky. Kevin Spacey did an interview on Piers Morgan and he apparently says he has no money. Keeps going to defending himself from being accused of rape by tons of boys. So yeah, let's just check those out.

He literally is Emerson Spooky. He's actually, isn't he a Boston guy kind of? I think so. I guess he was just in that movie, 21, where it's in Boston. Yeah. Maybe he's not from Boston. What did Pierce ask him? Who do you live now?

He goes, with the Emerson's. I'm in a basement. Well, Pierce, I live well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, Batman Well, it's funny you asked that question He's like fucking crying. He's like, I get my dick sucked every night. Well, it's funny you asked that question. Wow, he's a good actor, man. Because this week, where I have been living in Baltimore, is being foreclosed on. My house is being sold at auction. Really?

So I have to go back to Baltimore and put all my things in storage. You know how hard that is when there's a man. I live in fucking Baltimore. Cause do you know how many black people with their pears? Yes. He's like, the only black person I've known is the Babadook. You know how hard it is to get these black kids

to be honest about their sexuality, to be gay. You know how fucking hard it is to get these black kids to be honest about their sexuality, and be gay? You know how fucking hard it is, Piers? You know how many fucking times I have to show them moonlight? Fuck. You know how hard it is to load up a U-Haul while there's a man constantly trying to change his urinator sucker-claw. You know how many times I've had my shoes stolen

on the bus? You know how fucking hard it is, how much the fucking Emerson spooky keeps coming in my ass To do anything around my house, and I'm not mad about it. Here's here's I live in a hell of my own Thought by summoning the Emerson Spooky and the Tugger guy. Dude, imagine being this bad with your money. I know, dude.

Well, he's being, no, it's all because of the lawsuits. Still. Yeah, well, I mean, you know, he probably, maybe he's not bad with his money, just now he's like being sued constantly. Yeah. Court fees, legal fees, I mean he's got so many cases I think.

He was a- He should have like $400 million. Yeah, but- Yeah. Well that's why he's selling homes and shit. Or getting foreclosed. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe he is just bad with money,

but like, he got off a few cases. A few cases he was deemed innocent, but he still has so many more to go. What were they like statutory? I think so, but also like he like I Think if you pulled any 50 year old guy out of West Hollywood They've like, you know like and like of his ilk in the in the early 2000s. They probably fucked a couple 17 year olds You know for sure for sure. I'm not and I'm not not blaming the gay community and you're a gay guy for having fucked by a 17 year old guy That's horrible you can't do that. That's predatory and awful. Yeah but that's you know I mean

But uh you know that's part of their culture it's like it's like I did see a tweet the other day made me laugh so hard it was like women are like I'm dating this guy that's like four years younger than me is that so weird am I a creep and then it's like gay guys being like I want you to be my 12 year old boyfriend Matthew yeah yeah yeah gay guys having sex, I want you to meet my 12 year old boyfriend, Matthew. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gay guys having sex with like 17 year old, 16 year old guys, like twinks, it's kind of like, I think of it the same way as like it's like dog fighting and like in the hood.

Where I'm like, it's, I don't know, I think it's a cultural thing. It's just their DMX music. I'm not really sure, I don't know, I'm not gonna. It's like eating cats in Asia. Yeah, yeah. Not for me. Listen, there's a Chinese lady in the house.

I wouldn't do it. So we're eating frogs. Yeah, I wouldn't. But that's their code. It would take her to jail. The frogs on the stand. It's just like, she's a gross bitch. That's the bullshit about the Milo cancellation.

Milo was just saying that outwards. It was labeled in the pedophile. Well, Harvey Milk was with that 16-year-old, I think. Really? Is that the last boyfriend you had before he died? I think it was. I mean, in Milk, the movie, I think. Really? Is that the last boyfriend yet before he died? I think it was, I mean in Milk the movie I think it's the kid that killed himself. Yeah. That's sad.

So the answer to that question is I'm not quite sure where I'm going to live now, but I've been in Baltimore for- I'm sure you'll be fine buddy. Not really that, not that sure I'm going to live for now. I do know the Emerson Spooky has a rent control department so I might be there for a while, Pierce. Might be there for a while. I have a great view of the lake of fire! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah, fuck.

Since we sometimes he brings me Ray's pizza. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! You know, the other day he brought back Parm. And then sometimes he locks me in an Iron Maiden. I don't know what's going on. It's a hot gold that guy. So how long is that? I moved there in 2012.

So this has been your home for 12 years? Well, not this particular place, but this place has been my home and Evan and Lucy's home Since 2016. I mean he is a convicted rapist, right? I don't think so. No, none of his underage shit has ever panned out. I don't think he's been arrested or anything yet. Well, these civil lawsuits, right?

We can look into it for a second. I mean, these are civil lawsuits, right? Yeah, I... Yeah, I don't Kevin Spacey lawsuits. A jury in a $40 million civil lawsuit cleared Spacey of misconduct against Anthony Rapp. That's right, go fuck yourself, Rapp. That was the first one. That was the one that was bad.

That's the kid in a, in a days of confused. In 2023, Spacey was exonerated of sexual assault charges by a jury in a British lawsuit brought by four men. He's exonerated. Yeah. Foreclosure auction of Kevin Spacey's Baltimore home postponed as actor says he is millions in debt. Yeah, so he doesn't seem like anything's official.

Like he's, he's getting, he's getting away with it. Like he's beaten it. He's beaten the case. Like he's killing it. Also, like from what I understand about civil lawsuits is even if you're like if you know these guys millions like they have to if You just like not pay you can just not pay Get more lawyers yeah start the whole thing you just drag it out forever and then die They'll try to get it from your state and then you know, and they get lawyers

Why is it being full closed because I can't pay the bills that I owe are you I mean are you facing the Emerson spooky always told me I was writing checks I couldn't cash he advised me to pull out of my Roth IRA and I said, well listen, how would he be owing so much? He goes, if I pull out now, I have to pay a lot of taxes, I'm not old enough to pull out. Then he pulled out of my ass. He came all over my face.

You know, you know. He came all over my face. And I quite like it, I mean, I think I may be the first actual gay guy that the Emerson Spooky has chained up and raped, but. I'm sorry. Joey's bailing. Yeah, he just said, I almost feel like you guys

got these without me because I brought such heat yesterday. Ooh. No, no, no, no, no, I'm texting him right now. Whoa. He's like, well, Pierce, the Emerson Spooky, I'm kicking myself because he was really trying Hehehe. He's like, well, Pierce, the Emerson Spooky, I'm kicking myself because he was really trying to convince me to get into the GameStop short. And I said, that's hogwash, Spooky. That's hogwash. I fucking love this guy. Yeah, I love the Emerson Spooky.

He's my favorite character. I thought I was gonna file, but we've managed to sort of dodge it. At least as of today. And you know who I can't dodge? Piers, the Embersons. He's everywhere. He's everywhere I go, Piers. He's everywhere I go.

He's at the storage facility. I go there, he's in the storage container. You know, every fucking year he takes me to Central Park and we have to do the strawberry He's at the storage facility. I go there, he's in the storage container. You know, every fucking year he takes me to Central Park and we have to do the strawberry fields forever bullshit. That fucking loser John Lennon. How is it possible he's everywhere you look and he goes, well, he's not of solid matter.

He's not. He's kind of a fine mist. Well, he doesn't really exist on this plane. The only time I get any break is the Emerson Comedy College. They have their special ones a year. He's gone for about a week. I have about two hours of peace a year. The thing is he can clone.

He creates another version of himself and it follows me like a shadow appears. Oh, fuck. What is he saying? He's coming for the I guilted him into coming for the second because these are both two public episodes I'm like you can't miss two public I mean come on dude. He says D.I.'s have booze so he's telling him we're finishing up he missed one of the in my opinion this is a all-time it's one of it's one of the best what are the, this is an all time. It's one of the, it's one of the best. One of the better characters we've had.

Yeah. This will be on people love the Emerson spook. None. Really? Well, I mean, you know, you have some sense of legal bills. Yeah. I still owe a lot of legal bills. You're actually in debt.

Yeah, Pierce, you fucking retard. Do you want me to ask you how much you owe? Yeah, I do. Yeah, the Emerson Spooky will have my ass if I let him know my finance. Don't answer that! He appears behind him. Keep it close to the chest, Spacey! Ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha! The Everton Spooky is just holding everyone under a hostage! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! I Keep laughing at the Taco Bell Cantina You know, it really has been chained up is this Taco-Bal-Cantina menu! The Mexican pizza's back! And you know what? Not as good as I remember! You know, you think about it, Mexican food's all the fucking same! Bean, cheese, rice, tortilla! And this neighborhood of different shit.

I'm on to them, Pierce. He's yelling at Pierce Morgan. He's working on his tight five at Pierce. He has at this point become a mist. He has now possessed Kevin Spacey. Taken over his body. And is now continuing the interview with Pierce Morgan. He goes, let me handle this one, Kevin.

He goes, let me handle this one, Kevin. He goes, Kevin's like, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh Yes, Jesus fuck millions and lawyer the house itself is many millions. What are you gonna do? Get back on the horse That's right, baby, tell me you're just gonna get back on the horse. What are you doing? Yes? I'm gonna fuck the horse It's a little more that Well now that now that the emerson spookies he's everywhere so we don't have to do ever soon Joe, I can understand the Emerson's well, you won't bring it up with him. He's out. That's his fault you miss out Because I think I think peers will be my next victim.

There was a friend- Let's go with the Academy Awards. What does he have to say about the Academy Awards? I didn't know I was going to survive. Being asked to? I was in a basement, chain-to-irradiator, I had no idea about all of this. I remember there was a first or second David, I was there, one of the guys that was in this. Well, Pierce, I was in a house of cards that was constructed of cum. Well, Pierce, some could say my life is a house of cards. And it all came crumbling down.

After I met the Emerson Spooky one night in a bathroom stall in Boston. He gets really comical, he's like, best sex I've ever had. You know, Piers, I ran into the Emerson Spooky at a late night bakery called Bova. In the heart of Boston. Piers, it's really the only place open for late night food in Boston. Piers, I mean, the pizza's shit. But the pastries.

Greatest pastries I've ever had. Piers, you have not lived. Is that the name of that place? I think Bova bova. Yeah, bova. I think great great place Here's a purchase the painting in an antique store and it just it fell and it shattered to a million pieces And then a thousand bats flew out of it Came this man has the Emerson spooky Real quick we've watched Piers Morgan Uncensored before right on the public episodes. I think I, we've watched Piers Morgan uncensored before,

right, on the public episodes, I think? I think so. I think we've gotten away with this. Yeah, I don't think. Find me a certain. I think it's an independent show. Can we fuck anybody? I mean, it is Piers Morgan, he does have a check mark.

Well, listen, he knows we love him. Don't know how this works on YouTube. I think you could watch other YouTube channels, but I don't know. I'm not sure. We'll watch, we'll just keep pausing. Cause I think if you keep pausing, it's like you're doing the news or something. Commentary.

Yeah, we are doing the news. He looked at me at lunch one day and he said. The news, this is the news. We're a news show. YouTube, YouTube made this. YouTube gets it, it's a news show. You know, Kevin, if you're gonna get out of this program, what you came here to get out of this program,

you're probably gonna have to do something you've never done in your entire life. I'll get it, to get your dick sucked. Oh yeah, what would that be? He said, trust before you're ready. And I was, he was right. I had never done that. And so, that process of trusting.

The Emerson Spooky. No, the Emerson Spooky was talking to me. I let him lead me everywhere in life. Kevin, if you're gonna get out of this program, you have to trust before you believe. Kevin, hype me up! You need to talk me up! Plug me, man, plug me!

They all looked at me weird when I accompanied you in here. You find a big iron desk. Who are you fucking people anyway? Independent news, Piers Morgan's a sellout. He goes, who are you, Piers Morgan? I'm the Emerson Spooky. Watching the courage and the strength that these individuals in both that program I later went to the Hoffman Institute I did group therapy to watch individuals step up and share the story of their lives

Shut up. With such unusual to win more than one Oscar. You've done it twice And the Oscar is presented I was actually He got an Oscar for fucking he's won multiple Oscars He's one of the best actors of all I know I saw Tim Roth. He was that was a fucking what movie? Suspects no way Tim Roth. I saw Tim Roth is the usual suspects, right? No, I don't think so Tim Ross like Unus unusual to win

You've done it twice And the Oscar is presented to Oh it's the different guys Kevin Spacey and the Usual Suspect He got an Oscar for Usual Suspect? Yeah Good for him That's not like an Oscar-bait movie that was like an action movie Did he win the Oscar for

It's not really an action movie It's like a mystery It's more like procedural It's more like a big Oscar movie to me Did he win the Oscar for an action movie. It's like a mystery but still like procedural like a big Oscar movie to me Did he win the Oscar for? American Beauty I think those are the two yeah Well anyway, you know his dad was a Neo Nazi that used to like beat him and like rape him and yeah So he's innocent yeah, and the emerson's the emerson spookyooky goes, I wanna meet your dad! Your dad sounds fucking cool! Your dad sounds kick ass!

Space is like, Spooky, you are my father. He calls him Spooky. He goes Mr. Spooky. He goes E Spooky, I mean. Me and my buddy E Spooky. Me and my buddy. I wish I was Spooky. Hey yo, what up Spook?

Man. Well, should we keep watching this a little bit? I guess, yeah. ["Spooky"] Well, whoever Kaiser shows it is. It's like, it's like thrilled. Yeah, Spooky's like a day one, friends. Thank God!

I owe everything to spooky. The whole acceptance speech is about spooky. I wouldn't be here without my mom and spooky, of course. God, Sam is a spooky, he's crying. He's got tissues on his hands. The Babadook is handing a box of tissues to the spooky. The target guy's there doing like that gif where it's a guy that's just applauding.

His rock hard gone. With his apron, he's just saying, get it, Tray! Tuggett guy's doing meatspin.com. Tuggett guy's there, he's like, we're a team! It's all a team! They're all on the stage behind him. Tuggett guy goes, teamwork makes the dream work. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, we have to do a thing where Tugget Guy's now being usurped by Emerson Spooky. Yeah, the Emerson Spooky. Tugget Guy's getting like a little annoyed. He's like, you keep making me play sidekick here.

Emerson Spooky's Mozart, Tugart's Sally Harry. What do you think, I'm deriving to your bat gang? I'm bat gang! You also won the criminal case. You were found again not guilty. You know, when you mentioned Kevin Spacey's name. That's right, because all we do is win! Win, win, win, no matter what!

Money on my mind and I don't give a fuck! win Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Wee! Holy fuck! In a criminal court, and you were found not guilty in a civil court as well. Why have you been so infracted canceling? He is acting so fucking hard right now, I'm sorry. Oh. Sorry to who, we know. No, I know, but like it's like. There are no adults in the room, to some degree. I mean, look'm I'm grateful to you he's kind

of right about that what the no adults in the room when it comes to this type of stuff but yeah I don't know he's I wonder if he's actually like guilty guilty of rape rape I think so yeah yeah Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Who have I'm not going to say you well he keeps winning. Definitely supported the idea. Don't say that though. That has surrounded me of I wasn't offered a due process in sort of the public arena. Well you weren't. It's no question you were found guilty. Say if you weren't offered due process in the public arena. You wouldn't have been guilty. Which happens so often to people in all different ways. He's giving very solid legal advice.

Space is like, excuse my lawyer, spooky. Esquire. Spooky Esquire. Empson's spooky Esquire. We've created the most insane character of all time. A demon from hell, a Nancy Stans Republican, who's bisexual, gives financial advice and is a lawyer. I'm anything you need me to be.

I'm the Emerson Spooky. Seriously. I also believe just in the- He's got this little bike. He's got a little kid bike. He's like McConnor in the movie. He's like, I'm gonna go get you. I'm like, I'm gonna go get you.

I'm like, I'm gonna go get you. I'm like, I'm gonna go get you. I'm like, I'm gonna go get you. I'm like, I'm gonna go get you. I'm like, I'm gonna go get you. I'm like, I'm gonna Emerson Spooky. Seriously. But I also believe just in the- He's got his little bike. He's got a little bike. He's like McConnay in The Lincoln Lawyer. He's like sitting on the hood of his car. He's riding around settling chicks on. He's in the corner doing circles, staring at the jury. staring at the jury.

He's like, he's cross-examining with this. He's going, and it was 8 p.m. when you said it. He's on his tricycle. And you said what? Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Fairness. Now you were taken through the court process in a criminal trial and a civil trial and you were found not guilty. And when that happens to people, a sort of ongoing prosecution, because people just want to know.

That's like a guy's stenographer. The Boba Duke is voiceless. Every time the pants are in him he's just going... He just kind of shrugs in the corner. Had a shrugs in the corner. Frank's me is not very fat. I think that we have- Imagine the court drawings. The courtroom drawings. What if they all team up? They all also, they add the barbarian lady.

The lady in barbarian becomes a part of the team. They go, we got the dream team here. That's right, we have the fucking dream team. We got the barbarian lady, crawls in all fours. If the glove don't fit, you must acquit. We got the F. Lee Bailey of Basements. I'm obviously Johnny Cochran, the Emerson's boogie. We've got the Babadook, the Tugget Man, Jennifer's body is also here.

Your honor, we have a scarecrow here. A violent scarecrow. Inside your honor, we have a scarecrow here. A violent scarecrow that's sent here. He's like, your honor, Candyman. Ha ha ha ha. Candyman, Candyman. Ha ha ha. Allow that to happen again. I'm talking now specifically about the Blacklist,

which was, you know, a lot of people talk about the Hollywood Ten and Dalton Trumbobo and we know about those people but there were more than 479 people whose lives were largely destroyed by being accused of being communists and I think we gotta wrap this up because I we didn't record the next episode. I gotta get out of here. Love you guys. All right, guys.

But that was very fun. What a time. Patreon, yep, what a time. I'm wet. Hope you enjoyed that. I think we did some good work here today. Patreon.com slash hatewatch podcast. Check us out.

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