Hate Watch with Devan Costa - The Sinister Queer

Episode Date: February 6, 2023

John owes the IRS a lot of money, Tesla Road Rager has been falsely imprisoned, the sinister queer faces off against the feral homosexual, a man in San Francisco sprays a homeless woman with a hose, Devan tries to buy a car, Richie returns from rehab for huffing jenkem Get weekly bonus episodes: https://www.patreon.com/HateWatchPodcast

It's good to be in something from the ground floor. I came too late for that. I know. But lately I'm getting the feeling that I came in at the end. The best is over. Many Americans, I think, feel that way. Do I look more jacked if I do this, Joey? Or do I look more...

How do I... How should I sit? Do the first one. Okay. That? Do the second one. You look... You look more jacked than the first one, yeah the first one. Okay. That. Do the second one. You look more jacked than the first one. First one. Yeah.

First one a lot more jacked. Yeah. Should I just keep doing this? Yeah, you look like you sell cigarettes to kids. I look like I'm about to somebody that wants my cornbread, and I'm just hovering over it. So I don't know. You're in such trouble with the IRS.

Oh, dude, I haven't paid them in years. You just didn't pay for years and years. Well, it became a nuisance and then I was just like, fuck it. And you're one of these guys that got fucked and you were working a poverty gig job. Oh, yeah, the gig economy. The gig economy and they still came after you.

You were doing Uber. Oh, dude, that was the biggest mistake. That was honestly the worst financial hole I've gotten. Yeah, let's talk about the decision. Yeah, because it always fascinated me when you got into this. So you finance, first off, you went and financed a brand new car.

Oh yeah. You financed the brand new Ford Fusion Hybrid. Which would have been fine if I wasn't doing Uber. But then you did it to do Uber. So you immediately put 160,000 miles on this thing in like three weeks. Oh yeah, in three weeks. I drove across the United States 20 times in three weeks. So

you're financing this car. You're paying the interest on the car. Then you're doing Uber. You're making like, what do you think, a year? You're making like $38K a year. I'm making like $40K. $40K a year. And then you don't pay taxes for about four years and then the irs hits you up and they go you owe us seven thousand dollars well it was didn't begin at seven was that a business plan i wasn't listening fully was that a warren buffett business plan or was that it was john knopf it was it was a john knopf business plan so am i i was like okay this is i'm gonna be at the time uh i i i

needed to make a lot i needed to make some money quick because i had to get out of boyle heights and i was like all right so i'm gonna get i'm gonna get some uh uh i'm gonna get an apartment i'm gonna get a job that's gonna pay me twice what i was working a movie theater bro i was making like fucking 12 an hour and uh i uh yeah it was just honestly the the financing the car is the loss that i you know actually isn't that much of a loss anymore because i finally caught up on the payments the point where the car is now worth more than what i owe sure so but there was a minute where i was so underwater with the car can you give the car to the irs i could sell the car and then break even

you guys listen you guys want a ford fusion hybrid with where the where the rubber on the wheel is falling off well the rubber 600 000 miles guys it's either hybrid it really sucks because like the only thing that's keeping me tied to that debt is like you know like i have like a mom you know what i mean like a girlfriend it's like, why can't I just like kill myself in a cave somewhere? Yeah. You'd rather be caned. Yeah. You'd rather be caned.

I would love that. I would love if they could just. Cane me. Yeah. Beat me with a belt. Take me to a tiled room and just like hang me upside down for three days. Like electrocute my testicles. There's a big building somewhere out in Virginia.

They're just whipping Uber drivers that couldn't pay. I swear to God, if the IRS called me and they're like, you need to pay $7,000 or you can go into this, like, fuck,

you can go into, like, isolation for three days and every once in a while we're going to electrocute your balls with, like, a cattle prod. You'd choose that. I would choose that immediately.

Well, you're paying for that currently, so now to get paid for it would be a new thing. Yeah, they don't know. Well, they're, yeah, exactly. You're like, oh, I so now to get paid for it would be a new thing. Yeah, they don't know. Well, yeah, exactly. You're like, oh, I could either pay 7K in back taxes, or I could get milked by a bunch of government professionals.

A bunch of fucking Tom Hanks doesn't catch me if you can. Well, you do. He's coming again, man. He's like, dude, fucking Hanratty? Stop making me fucking calm on my own tits. Yeah, it was honestly... You gotta pay them, buddy. They don't fuck around. I just paid the IRS a decent amount of money. And you know, I tried signing up for a payment plan.

Because everyone's always like, no, they work with you. It should be pretty easy. They'll work with you. Yeah, yeah. This is their version of working with you. It should be pretty easy. They work with you. Yeah, yeah. This is their version of working with you. You go to their payment plan and first off, they highly warn against

setting up a payment plan with them. Of course they are. There's pages after pages online of them being like, are you sure you really want to do the payment plan? Is it because of like crazy interest rate? Crazy interest. And also they only give you like a couple weeks. What? you sure you really want to do the payment plan is it because of like crazy interest crazy interest and also they only give you like a couple weeks what that's the plan it's like they they push it

off for like a month and then i'm not kidding they go they go we highly recommend not doing this and then it has an option for more and you click more and it says reasons why things we recommend and they go sell your assets wow they just they literally did they just tell you like we recommend like selling everything you own there's like a list like a bunch of options it's like suck dick get this get out there well i'm gonna get i'm gonna get a tax attorney or some shit or one of those cpas and just be like hey figure it out because that's how i've always solved all these issues i go to a cpa you go to a guy next to a Yoshinoya in a mini mall, and somehow he figures it all out.

And then in 10 years, you get hit with an even bigger bill because he was- And then I figure it out again. Yeah. You know, I had a Mexican lady on Vermont that worked at H&R Block. And H&R Block is such a toss-up. Have you ever been there?

Mm-hmm. So, like, you'll get one really sick-ass fucking accountant, and then the next week- And then you get another guy with a dump cap on he's a cocksucker yeah yeah this lady i walk into her office and she had literally a framed cartoon and it was like obvious she got it off google images and like blew it up 300 so she could frame it but it was all pixelated and shit but it was a picture of a big hand marked irs and with a man upside down and she it was shaking him for money and money was falling out and he was like she was like i'm gonna take man upside down and she, it was shaking him for money and money was falling out.

And he was like, she was like, I'm going to take care of you. And she, I swear to God, she lied. She lied and lied and lied. You just got to find someone who's willing to just risk their life for you.

Right. Well, I had one of those. It was, uh, and they got Joey too. This was years ago. So I did the same thing where I just didn't pay my taxes.

We're all fucking idiots. Yeah. Now I'm all paid up and we're all good. I have like hypochondria. So like even with like the IRA, I have the same hypochondria with the government. Oh, yeah. I don't get behind. Yeah, I just. I'm terrified of them.

I'll pay. I pay it all the time on anything. But I found this absolute wolf of a tax person. And she's like, have you seen the accountant with ben affleck yeah yeah he's autistic he's an autistic accountant and so he's basically uh she's got machine guns no not machine guns but so he's constantly like telling people how to cook their books like in a subtle vague way where they're like uh do you ever like work from your house and i'm like no not really and he's like yes you do work from your head then yeah he goes you got to cook the books

i need dinner yeah yeah exactly i eat i eat paper you gotta air fry the books uh but then so like she finally figured out all like years and years of me fucking up my taxes and then i think she died of covid like right before i could finalize stuff, she died. I know. I was sitting there spamming her, going, this is terrible. What's going on? She's been dead at her death.

I had an account that died on me. He was like an old man. He was the shit. I think it's a low mortality. What if they're not dying? They're just skipping the country they're just leaving oh yeah they're faking their death they're in vietnam somewhere yeah this guy was like 80 though and he would have a he would have one of those calculators that printed while he typed oh

i love that do they wear the little the money hat the green hat the green hat as well and one of those green lamps at their desk love those green green lamps. Those are expensive. I tried to buy one once. Yeah. Yeah. They're made of suffering. Anyway. Yeah. The IRS sucks ass. They're really scary.

They're really a scary place. Yeah. I just, you know, I don't. You're screwed, John. I'm fine. You think you're going to get out of that hole with a little bit of Patreon money? I always listen, buddy. Listen, buddy.

I've gotten by the skin of my teeth all my life. This is maybe your last year. Dude. Last year of freedom for John. They're going to shoot me, aren't they? Listen, buddy. I've gotten by the skin of my teeth all my life. This is maybe your last year. Last year of freedom for John. They're going to shoot me, aren't they? Then they just buy a bunch of guns and shit. They hired a bunch more agents. Armed agents. But that's for that PPE loan.

They hired the adjustment bureau. It's like Matt Damon running around with Fedora on. Why do they need field agents? Because I think what happened was a bunch of dudes in the hood applied for PPE loans, and they're just like, these guys have machine guns. The IRS only ramped up when they found out black people were stealing unemployment. They were like, we need to hire a lot more people. So wait, they're like physically like bounty hunters now?

Well, the IRS used to be armed, and then they stopped being armed for a while, and then now they're armed again. No, they're like bounty hunters now. Well, the IRS used to be armed and then they stopped being armed for a while. And then now they're armed again. No, they're like bounty hunters now. Yeah. They're like, they drop them out of helicopters and shit. Their training videos are hilarious. They like, they're horrible. They're like really not training the IRS agents well at all.

Yeah. Good for them. Yeah. It's going to be fun. It's all fake too. Yeah. You know, and it's all going. Pretty soon you'll have you they'll they'll ask

you for an option to tip when you pay your taxes it'll be like they turn the screen around yeah it'll be like getting an americano at a coffee shop now you know how you're supposed to tip on every stupid fucking thing you get yeah you get he asked for a water they flip the ipad back to you go would you like to it is already set at 25 you know what i did i go no tip and i push it right back to the making. You know what you should start doing? You should do like 1930s tips and just do the custom amount and do like 15 cents. I'm going to start pulling out a bunch of coins from my pocket and make it be a really arduous process.

And I go, one, two, three. I go, you are such a kind man. Thank you for my matcha latte. Two, three, four. You should flip it around. Flip it around. Make sure they're looking at it. And then peek around and do no tips so they can see it.

I hate that show. When did that happen? Pretty soon when you pay for a parking meter, the meter will ask you if you want a tip. Well, they always do that thing where they flip it around and they go, okay, it's going to ask you a question now. And you're like, I wonder what question that is. Yeah, exactly. I say that. I'm like, what, what, what? I always try and just figure out a way to play Angry Birds on it. I try and exit

out of the screen. They go, sir, are you still tipping? I go, no, I'm fucking playing Guardians of the, whatever. Guardians of Guardians or whatever the stupid games are. Anyway, they caught our boy they caught our tesla road rager oh fuck which is really that it's really depressing i was i i kind of was i was i was kind of hoping he'd kill me do we have i love that guy right he was my favorite fucking

guy in the world yeah he was uh he was honestly a local legend like Like a Robin Hood, if you will. He was super handsome. I think it's like Kobe Bryant, the P-22, and now the Tesla Road Rager. They're the top three. That's the Mount Rushmore of LA Ica. He apparently had a history. He kind of looks like Koberger, too. This is bizarre. He apparently had a history.

He kind of looks like Koberger, too. This is bizarre. This is... Remember in Logan, when they create two Logans? Yeah, the second. There's the second werewolf, where he's really evil, and then there's the good werewolf. He's not a werewolf. Wolverine. Wolverine.

He gives a shit. Werewolf. It's all fake. Yeah. God. But Logan, and then there was the evil version. Wolverine. Wolverine. Wolverine version Wolverine Wolverine

Wolverine Wolverine so then so the Tesla Road Rager is obviously the evil version of Koberger yeah Koberger's

the good guy Koberger's the good one who was just trying to take a lovely road trip with his father and something happened and this guy killed the people

in Idaho yes and then he was he was he was he was hiding in plain sight he was like maybe if I just like beat up some cars and bash some people's windows in.

Why would the guy that killed four people in Moscow, Idaho, why would he be fucking making a ruckus? He's running around like Craig Toomey from The Langoliers, and he's on a rampage. He's on a rampage. He's right amok. He's like the hitcher. He's got a steel pipe. He's right amok. He's like the hitcher. He's got a steel pipe.

That's my favorite thing. Did he go to a construction site or some shit? He's knowingly carrying around a steel pipe. What's also funny is I don't think anyone that angry has ever owned a Tesla before. He's driving this eco-friendly car. He cares about the environment. They're cool.

I just thought of the greatest fucking matchup in the universe, by the way. Gregory? No, no, no. It's David DePape versus the Tesla Road Ranger. Like a Mortal Kombat thing? DePape has a hammer, and then the Road Ranger

gets his pipe, and they just let him go at it. That'd be fucking incredible. Or we could do like a Royal Rumble where it's like DePape, Tesla Road Rager, then you have Koberger. Koberger's the

ref. He's the ref. Koberger's got a knife. Koberger officiates with a knife though. Koberger's like jumping in between them. And then the final two competitors, the feral homosexual and the sinister queer. Oh, yeah. That's good.

I thought they were the same guy. No, no, no. They're enemies. Yeah. They're enemies. The feral homosexual hates the sinister queer. So like an amoeba. Yeah, it's like a-

Wait, who's the feral homosexual? It's really nobody. It's kind of the pappy. It's the pappy is maybe the feral homosexual, and the sinister queer is Kober. Okay. The sinister queer and the feral homosexual, it's like Scorpion and Sub-Zero. They've been fighting each other for, like, centuries. They're brothers, dude.

Yeah, but now they hate each other. And Reptile's the tugget guy. And then Gregory is their god. Who's the guy with the hat? Yeah, Gregory's the fucking... The lightning guy. Yeah, he's got the white hair. If Haywatch was Mortal Kombat,

who's the dude with eight arms? Like Goro or something? Yeah, you gotta have a fucking... Oh, who's Luke Cage, man? You're Luke Cage. Sure, I'll take that. I'm the black dude with the robot arm. something yeah yeah you gotta have uh fucking oh who's luke cage man um you're luke cage sure i'll take that i'm i'm the black dude with the robot arm okay yeah yeah devin's the chick wow he's always insulting me why would you attack him like that he always has to do that well i didn't this is fucking yeah he says to do that he can't take it either he can't take any i can

take i can take you call me the sinister queer for like a fucking hour the other day what are you talking about i mean that's like what's wrong with that you are you're right that was the biggest doll i've ever taken in my life was the dark queer i beat you so bad i was crazy i was so in a state of blotto too like i was so gone and i still beat you devon went on steven that was john always takes advantage of me at my lowest you know like both like sexually and verbally. And that night, he was getting me the whole night, and then out of nowhere, I just got this weird, I finally conjured up the perfect joke to throw at this guy, and it was that he's a sinister queer.

It started dark queer, which I liked, because it was like a vampire. Like the Dark Tower, some kind of Stephen King. Yeah. It's like an interdimensional dark wizard queer. Yeah. He travels around to different dimensions fucking other men in different near universes. The headless whore making out with a headless phantom. Yeah, everyone's all scared of it

then this sinister queer just comes up and starts like face fucking it oh boy you had a good laugh at that didn't you you are a huge idiot oh god we've talked about how John is such a narcissist he looks directly into the camera while we record

I don't look into the camera I look at the screen you watch every episode we're all talking and we're all laughing at you and John goes like yeah cause he's a fucking retard dude he looks right he looks right at the camera do you know that that's not like a portal I don't look at right he looks right at the camera he thinks like like do you know that that's not like a portal i don't look at the camera i look there's nobody in that

i look at the screen i don't look at the camera do you think i'm like a tribal person you look at the screen i don't know you act like they're like there's like we are the audience of us well it's like you know when you're you're at a restaurant and there's like a mirror in front of you and you could look at the mirror and talk to your friends instead of looking at them am i trip am i weird no i mean i don't have debilitating narcissism like no it's not that you could just i can like instead of like turning around and looking at joey i could just look at joey at a restaurant you look at joey you look at your friend through a screen yeah isn't that so like instead of being like hey the only way that's

ever acceptable there's one situation in the world where that's normal. There's two. One is if you're driving somebody and they're behind you. And the second one is if you're getting a haircut and you're looking at your barber. And the third one is if you're fighting a guy in one of those fun houses with all the mirrors. Yes. Okay. I forgot number three.

Well, it's extremely weird to do in any other situation. You do it constantly. It's fine. Let him have it. It'll be one of the last screens he gets to look at until he's, you know, the only other screens will be on the community day room. Oh, because of that.

He should be going to prison to the IRS. You know, that would be cool. I could send him a tip. That'd be great content. I could rat on you. Would that be funny for the show

if I tell the IRS, like, John's been evading his taxes? Well, he's already working with the IRS. No, he isn't. No. He hasn't sent him anything. This is not good. I'm not evading. I'm just retarded. I mean, I guess I been evading his tax? Well, he's already working with the IRS. No, he isn't. No. He hasn't sent him anything. This is not good. I'm not evading. I'm just

retarded. I mean, I guess I'm evading. If I was evading, I'd be like running. They're going to use that verbiage when they hit you up? They go, listen, we think you're being a little retarded with the IRS. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I'll get a guy. They go, we're not going to use the word evading, but we'll say

retarded. They should. They go, hi, is this John Knopf? Hey, this is a retard audit. They fucking should. I hate that. Back in the day, you could have like a- That's so funny. He got screwed.

One of the losers that got screwed in taxes. You know- You know, literally every time you get a panic and you go like, oh my God, am I going to get audited? What the fuck? And then you always look up and you go like oh my god am i gonna get audited what the fuck and then you always look up and you go oh no no they there's like 0.01 of the population that makes under 130k i'm not getting on it i know but the fact that they even hit you up and said you owe them is kind of they do that to everyone no they don't yes there's a lot of people that just don't pay and they get by for like a decade and then

one day they get a huge bill. The fact that you already. I got by for like four years, bro. Yeah, but then you didn't pay it and then they're even angrier. There's a whole, everyone at the IRS is saying your name. I think Devin's got this wrong. They walk around the halls just going like, I can't wait to fuck that guy off up. Oh, really? Yeah.

They're going to turn you into a meat puppet, dude. They're probably going to rape me. They're going to rape the shit out of you. You want to be caned little do you know how the irs does oh yeah it's biden's america we're all open and shit now yeah he it's we're a very progressive people you're gonna be raped by a drag queen that's what RuPaul is going to bust down this door and rape you and then force you to work on his fracking farm. That's what martial law is now. Biden's America, pal.

Yeah, Biden's America. Anyway, let's watch a little bit of the Tesla Road Rager. God bless this man. He also had a criminal history. Extensive, including threats and stalking. Steroids. Victims of a terrifying Tesla driver speaking out. Hell also, he had a criminal history. Extensive, including threats and stalking. Steroids. Hell yeah, dude. And he looked like Zelensky every time he did it.

He always wore his trusty olive shirt. He just beats her with a pipe. He comes out of screen and he just backs out. Out of the road, bitch! Hell yeah.

Wait, what? Love this guy. He had, like, great moves. Oh. He's wearing the same clothes, dude. He woke up every day, he wore the same thing. That's my favorite thing about men is that if you're like UBS, nobody wore the same thing. That's my favorite thing about men. If you're like UBS, nobody really cares. No, it's all about efficiency

for men. This guy goes like, you know, I could bash in so many more headlights today if I don't worry about what I'm wearing. Yeah. He's such a fluid motion of fucking bashing in headlights. He doesn't have time to worry about bullshit.

This guy doesn't devote any of his time to bullshit. His closet's just all of shirts, neck gaiters, lead pipes. He's got a lead pipe under the shirt. The Tesla Road Ranger doesn't fuck around. Yeah. Yeah!

That's my favorite one. That one's great. Oh, he gave this bitch a black eye. Damn. Immediately, this is over. Too traumatized to be identified by name, this victim was left black and blue

after she said Radimac attacked her through her open heart. I had it rolled down and he was aggravated for some reason, but me and my mom didn't know why because we did nothing to aggravate this man. Pause it real quick. I think they did something. You think they said they did something?

I think all of these people did something. I think he just took it to 100. She probably ordered the last crunchy taco at El Pollo Loco and it set him off. That's a very big L.A. problem. There's always somebody that orders the last crunchy taco of the day at El Pollo Loco. The chicken crunchy one? Whatever. Yeah, the chicken crunchy.

Then they started going to the keto crunchy. Don't even get me started on this fucked up country. Remember their bougie Crunchwrap Supremes? Yeah. Those are really good. Yeah. No, but even in the video, the older video where the lady was like, i was waving him by i was like no you weren't you're probably like fucking flipping him off and being like fuck you move oh yeah yeah i mean this is this is really women's fault let's

be honest yeah seriously they're all in the wrong without knowing any details i can tell you right now tesla road rager didn't do anything wrong the tesla road rager is your average american man yeah he's just like he did nothing different than most most men do on a daily basis he's sick of bad drivers and unsafe drivers and he's like if the goddamn lapd is not going to do anything i'm going to i'm going to start falling down he's sick of unsafe drivers joey he's sick of he's he he's a he's a uh vigilante he goes if this city's not going to do anything about it, I guess I will. He's the hero that we need. He's Batman.

Exactly. And there's another hero that we need that I'll show you after this. A guy in San Francisco, he's taking it upon himself to wash the homeless. We'll check that out after this. And he punched me and he immediately took off. It was Justin Roiland. He's like, he called me a faggot. He drove by.

He said, oh, hey, Morty. He gave me the black eye. Call me jailbait. Car wash. Popular internet sleuth. I love going to car washes like that. Just pulling into the vacuum section and using the vacuums for free. Free tip.

You use them on your cock. I suck myself up. I love pulling into the free car wash using the vacuum. He twists his fleshlight into it. And it's just like. At an LA car express. Kind of like a big goal. LA Car Express.

I got like a big goal. Look at that though. Look how beautiful he is. He looks so kind. Rami. What is his name? Rami Malek? Rami Malek. Mr. Robot.

It's like Ramadi or something. Malakai. His name's like Malachi or some shit. Yeah, what's his? Is he Greek? He's got a nice haircut. He's got a smile. He doesn't look nuts.

With Radimak's name. I think he's... Radimak, Radimak. Radimak. I think he's Argentinian. Let's figure this shit out. I'll look it up real quick. Okay, he's Argentinian.

I think I looked it up because I was wondering if he was Armenian. How many incidents and how many victims there seem to be. And that just sort of reinforced the fact that this is not okay. This is George R.R. Martin solving the case. He was a career criminal, his attacks stretching across the country. In L.A. County, his crimes include criminal threats and stalking, dating back more than a decade. Oh.

He had a good run. It's a pretty good run. Today is a day where he's not out there. Beth is one of at least ten victims. I'm not kidding. Listen, I know I sound crazy. This is a totally true thought. There's an energy missing from the streets now with him gone.

I was excited knowing he was around any corner. It was a soft corner. Literally all this stuff is happening really close to where we live. I know every area that I saw the videos in, I knew exactly where that was. I would drive around and be like, man, where the fuck is this guy? You saw Tesla, you got excited.

I got excited. That's what happened to me too. I'd be driving around and see a very Tesla. I'm like, it's fucking exciting. You'd think it's him. I'd be driving around. I'd see a very tussle. I'm like. It's fucking exciting. Yeah, you'd think it's him and you'd be starstruck for a sec. And then it's just some lookalike. Yeah. And your whole day is ruined. Exactly.

Exactly, Joseph. Come forward saying they, too, were attacked by Radimac. I did a little beep beep. She didn't do a little beep beep. She didn't do a little beep beep. You didn't do a beep beep. You laid on the horn, bitch. You laid on the horn, you fucking bitch. The fucking guy in the interview does that.

The news reporter goes, you laid on the horn, you bitch. Who do you think you're fooling, you lad bitch? He's in the footage. And he hit my driver's side window several times. Now behind bars, his alleged victims breathing a sigh of relief. Grateful no one lost their life. By the grace of God, he didn't have a weapon with him at the time.

The why behind it, I don't know if he's going through something and is just having a breakdown or if it's something other than that. Yeah, his fist's going through your fucking skull. Yeah, that's what's breaking down your cheek. He's breaking

down the barriers of your cheekbones. Your zygomatic arch is done. He wants to see how deep your face can go in. His zygomatic arch is fucking splintered. Would like to know why. Oh, man. Well,

you know his fucking bail? What was it? It was millions. Dude, it was like $51 million bail. His bail is like, that's like Osama bin Laden's bail. That's crazy. Who do they think they have? It's like, you know.

I guess they're just trying, they're going to use him as an example. Yeah, because there's so many crazy Tesla road rangers. Yeah, I don't get it. Who are they setting an example for? It's just because he got away for so long. They're embarrassed. All the crimes are stacked up. The police department's like, no.

We had him. We had him a long time ago. We just let him go. He wasn't evading us at every step. So then this is just a tremendous story. And i it's sad but i couldn't stop laughing when i saw it it's there's a this man in san francisco who got caught on camera just spraying a homeless woman with his hose to go away and then he here's the funniest part though it's funny only because he defends himself and he goes,

hey, the city won't do anything bad and I will. This is my favorite thing about him. He's like a classic narcissist, pompous San Franciscan artist. Or white homosexual. White homosexual. It is what it is. The city's not going to spray him.

Somebody has to. They're not going to spray themselves, Your Honor. He goes, it's a bath, bath your honor It's a free shower His stance while he's doing this with his hand in his pocket Is wild Look at how deranged he is It's like in the 30's he'd be eating an apple Standing like that

Here we go A man caught on camera Hosing down a homeless woman in the city of San Francisco This video tonight Sparking out New at 10, a man caught on camera posing down a homeless woman in the city of San Francisco. This video tonight, sparking out. We are hearing from that man who says he was frustrated and tonight he is sorry. KTVU's Amber Lee, live in the city. And Amber, that video, again, touching off a lot of nerves here.

Absolutely, Mike. We're on Montgomery Street where the incident took place. There is a strong police presence out here tonight. An officer tells me they will be here 24-7 to make sure there's no violence after businesses that had nothing to do with the incident received threats. Yeah, you know. This video posted on social media of a man spraying water at a homeless woman in San Francisco on Montgomery Street. That's Bruce Dern. at a homeless woman in San Francisco on Montgomery Street.

That's Bruce Dern. The Madison Square area is sparking outrage. Look at how he's so happy doing it. He loves this. And backlash. The man is art gallery owner. Hell yeah, dude. Him defending himself kicks ass.

He tells me the video shows only part of what happened. How I snapped. Hell yeah, dude. Him defending himself kicks ass. You should have seen the minutes before and she offered to gum me for $5. Because that's just not me taking the gummy like that. That's not me, okay okay i know she kind of looked like a man but not enough he says he allowed her to sleep in his doorway for four days gwen and other area business owners tell me they called police multiple times over her disruptive behavior and that they tried to get her help but that she refused to leave and refused services. Pulling her hair, screaming, yelling. She's psychotic. She's hallucinating.

On Monday morning, Gwen says he was cleaning the street with a hose and repeatedly asked her to move and became frustrated when she refused. I asked him if he was sorry his actions were caught on video or that he thought what he did was wrong. I'm totally sorry that I reacted where I tried to move her and did so in a way that was, you know, not the right way. The notion of anybody treating another human being like that on our streets is just gut-wrenching and horrible. Shut up, Aaron. Is that Steven Spielberg?

Fucking pussy. He's like, listen, I know the Fabelman's kind of sucked ass, but give me another shot. He's known to authorities and neighbors both here in this area and nearby North Beach. I've been in touch with the police. I mean, as far as I'm concerned, this is assault. The front door of Gwynn's business was broken. He says it happened Tuesday afternoon and that it was backlash for spraying water on the homeless woman he says three men he doesn't know came to confront him they smashed the window i'm

not surprised i understand he goes listen you know i'm not surprised these people run in packs he goes i'm not surprised of course she knew a couple of thugs. Some goons. Some super predators showed up at my door like a wolf pack. And they tried to break down my art studio. Meanwhile, I'm a good member of society, simply making beautiful art for the members of North Beach. And this thing is out front every day,

stinking up a storm. And you're going to vilify me for giving her a free shower? That would be the best defense. Wouldn't it be amazing? Oh, that would be the best defense. Say it was a shower, dipshit. Yeah, just spray her with some soap. Say you were giving a shower.

Because you know who else cleaned impoverished people? Jesus Christ. He goes, hey, I like showers too, but usually it's with a yellow liquid. He's talking about getting pissed on. He goes, to each his own. Some people like to be human toilet.

Some people smell like human toilet. He goes, see what the camera didn't catch was that minutes before I sprayed her with the hose, I peed on her. I thought she was just one of those kinky broads. What's the human toilet's name? Dude.

Oh, God. I forget that guy's name. Oh, that guy rocks. Pearlman or... Something like that. Tom Pearl. Tom Pearlman or Tom Pearl. That guy is cool. What the cameras didn't catch is that me and Tom Pearl... We were sharing a charcuterie inside.

It was good charcuterie. It was that cheese where there's blueberries in it like a sweet cheese like a fruity cheese it was a dick cheese charcuterie he goes we were each we were both uh enjoying a nice sopressata pearlman was eating some diarrhea diarrhea and then we heard this fucking thing out front wailing tom pearl started getting his diarrhea and standing up to leave and i said i said no you're not going i'm gonna do something about this sit back down tom this guy's like This guy's like currently He's talking to the news reporter about

What a disgusting maniac That the homeless lady is Meanwhile there's like a gerbil crawling around his large intestine He's got a carafe of diarrhea behind him Outraged when they see things like that Supervisor Peskin... Look at that! Oh, God!

Guys, this is what happens when you disrespect Tom Pearl. A fire department spokesman says a crisis response... I'm an artist! ...was able to engage the homeless... I'm a fucking artist! My parents died 15 years ago and I inherited 17 million dollars! And I opened up an art studio for people void of talent.

And they come in, and they spray paint on walls, and I call it art. And you're going to ruin it with your fucking cold out front of my store? Give me some shit about poverty? Fuck you! He says, fuck you. He goes, fuck you. Fuck you! Fuck you! He says fuck you. Fuck you.

He says that to the local news lady. He goes fuck you. They go we asked we asked the man for a statement on his actions. They cut to him and it's just him going fuck you. So what do you think about her getting pneumonia?

Fuck you. City services. Mike? And Amber, let me ask you about those officers you showed us behind you earlier. I mean, that is another angle to this story, because in the video we've been showing, you can see the front of a restaurant behind the man. This restaurant is not tied, to emphasize it, is not tied to this incident at all. She goes, no, Tom, but they have been burned down regardless.

Due to the man's actions, a restaurant that had nothing to do with it has been vandalized to the point of no return, Tom. Back to you, San Francisco, where stealing's mandatory. That'd be funny. You go to San Francisco and you get arrested for not stealing from CVS.

Yeah, it's like opposite. The cops tackle you. They go, have you stolen up to $999 worth of items today? You go, what? No. And they go, well, you're coming with us, fucko. It's like supermarket sweepstakes in every fucking store. They call you fucko.

You're coming with us, fucko. Welcome to San Francisco, cocksucker. Welcome to San Francisco, you fucking alt-right piece of shit. You gonna steal one thing today? I got those big fake jugs that woodshop teacher had. Dude, San Francisco is so fucked up. I'm surrounding around with triple x san francisco is such a hellscape right now oh it's like steph curry's like a he's like

trying to move to alcatraz that's how bad the city is steph curry's steph curry's about to buy alcatraz make a big mansion like one in 25 people get their cars broken that's insane it's insane no i'm not kidding when you go there it there, it's like there's signs everywhere that say don't leave anything in your car. There's people that – there's homeowners that say, hey, listen, don't – they write notes trying to warn you. It's like going to Yosemite. It's like they're trying to warn you about bears. It's wild. I'm not kidding.

It's insane. It's fucking crazy. Yeah, it's – I don't know. It's also the most disgusting white homeless people you've ever seen in your life. Oh, I don't know. It's just... Also, the most disgusting white homeless people you've ever seen in your life. Oh, they're like crusties. Crusty white. It's just...

It's not... You can't get a gauge on the type of homeless there. You're like, are you really homeless? Or did you just leave your parents' house in Marin County? Do they have the patches and shit? Yeah, they go to the Haight-Ashbury district. They're rich kids that are like cosplaying as poor people they should be lit on fire they get they get the dreads you know they walk around hate ashbury going like ganja

they're woks yeah anyone got ganja they they still think they're like in the 60s it's really they they can play one string on their guitar. Yeah. They're absolute retards. Yeah. They need to be lit on fire. San Francisco's, I love it. It's a beautiful city, but I don't know. I just kind of think they need a guy to rule it with an iron fist. Maybe a guy like Gregory.

Gregory would be great. I think Gregory. It's like the sun no longer sets in San Francisco. Gregory goes, since I am the moon... I'm on office. I will... I'm going to hit San Francisco with

a number of tsunamis for the next year. Just to clean the city up. I remember my grandpa. I was watching Bullet with my grandpa. San Francisco looks beautiful in Bullet. Yeah. And it's, like, 1960s. I remember my grandpa looked at me. I was like, look at that, John.

And he was like, what? And he was like, that's what the city looked like before hippies got to it. I was like, I rock, dude. Well, San Francisco with the hippies was still okay. It was honestly. We were watching that video of that fucking cop talking about getting back from vietnam and that's true that was crazy when i was a kid when i was a kid and i went i visited san francisco with my parents a million times um that was i mean i'm from la there's homeless

people here there's way more now but like when the first time i was like oh my god like what the fuck are homeless people was when I went to San Francisco. Bombarded. Yeah. It's like a, it's like there, it's like a type of bird out there. It's like, it's like, it's like a, it's like a local tree. Yeah. You know, it's like, it's like a fauna that is only like native to San Francisco. They just have, they have like a special type of like distraught man.

That was the first place I ever saw somebody smoking weed in public with no fear. Yeah. That was before I went. I remember. Before it was like. went before it was like you'd hide and like before it was decriminalized yeah when i was in before i saw a dude just smoking a blunt walking down the street and i was like whoa that's crazy that guy just like doesn't give a fuck yeah it was pretty wild yeah yeah san francisco is an interesting place And they're obsessed with the taquerias. Everything's a taqueria there. Yeah, yeah, anyway. We gotta go to San Francisco. We could clean that city up in a fucking weekend.

I've never been. I've never been. Oh, Joseph. You like it. There's beautiful parks. Well, I've heard good things about it. You gotta come visit Brian with me sometime when I finally get a new car.

Because I've been doing this new... I've been trying to look for a car here, buddy. Yeah, Devin's in hell right now. Boy, what a nightmare this car market is. I had no idea that just hitting up like a couple, hitting up some car dealerships about cars. I didn't know that these car dealers are so thirsty. These guys are just such fucking losers. They like want to hang, it feels like. Yeah, they'll like text you. They won't

stop. I mean, get off my dick, Jeff at Galpin Ford. I don't want your shitty Ford anymore. Stop talking to me. Is nobody buying cars right now or something? Millennials are just not buying new cars. It's the worst car market in American history. There's a silicone shortage. I'm just going to

drive my car into the ground. It's making horrific noises and I took it in today and they couldn't find out what it is. But it's crazy how bad the noises are. Joey heard it on the way here. It's like a noise that I've never heard in a car.

It's like the Beverly Hillbillies car. Literally, I'm driving a fucking jalopy. Honestly, there would be less noise if we wrote a stagecoach. And then I asked Devin, I'm like, oh, what did the mechanic say it was? And he goes, well, the mechanic had no idea. There he is.

Get the get the Richie seat. Hold on. Whatever. Take a seat. Hello. hold on um hello uh the mic should be off when i tested at the beginning it was off i turned it on richie try try these try to talk into the mic hello what the fuck is there another mic on the floor is there hello hello is this? Hello? It's this one. It's this one, but this one's not going to read. Here.

Well, fuck. Here, use this. Hey, use John's. There we go. Testing. All right, Joe, we'll switch them down. Hello? Hello?

There we go. Come on. You're on. Hello? Rehab, Rehab Richie, fresh out of rehab. 28 days. 28 days in, 28 days out. It was tough, man.

A lot of people think it was Xanax, but it was the jankum that took me down. You've been boofing jankum. I've been trying to hide it from you guys. Kelsey saw my special cold brew in the fridge. It's marked with tape. It's a special cold brew. It's mine.

She just touches my stuff. This time, we finally had to... That's why I was in San Diego. You got to get rid of her, dude. You got to dump her. She's not letting you do jankum? Your girlfriend won't let you talk jankum. You feel like I'm losing a part of my freedom

by not being able to express myself with jankum? You got to be able to be yourself in a good relationship it's the only way to truly know yourself is to huff your own shit yeah we like sucking diarrhea here i mean it just it gives you a spiritual experience that's indescribable and i know you guys have never tried it before but i recommend it to all our listeners it's the ayahuasca out there it's the ayahuasca of D.C. It's the ayahuasca of D.C. It's the ayahuasca of

comic ping pong. It's the official ayahuasca. There's senators that do jankum like it's ayahuasca. They find themselves. Jankum retreats. Yeah, they go on Rogan and talk about it. Ted Cruz loves jankum. That's how I kind of got into it. The most expensive kind you can get is from Tom Pearl.

He makes the best high-quality Jenkins. I hope that's his name, by the way. I think it's Tom Pearl. Doesn't he sound like a Blink-182 member? Yeah, he does. Tom Pearl. But yeah, anyway, the car market sucks ass, and I'm'm gonna wait it

out a little bit because it's just really bad but man i had no idea these dealers have nobody to hang with these guys are such losers oh they'll talk to anybody i've been getting hit up non-stop i have so many i mean if you want to it's if you want if you're lonely just literally hit up a car dealership about like their honda act like you want a car. For two months, Jeff at Culver City Honda will hit you up. You want to take a ride to the country? I'm not kidding. I feel like at this point I could just ask them for anything.

I'd be like, Jeff, listen, I like the car, but does your wife make a mean lamb chop? Why don't you have me over? Let me have your lunch. Jeff, I'm still thinking about the Camry, but I don't know. I'm thinking filet this week. Bro, my wife is a great cook.

You come over any time, we'll drive out to the country. They hit you up and they go, who did I have the pleasure of speaking to? I have a lot of text messages like that from a guy where I call and I go, do you guys have any of these on the lot? And they go, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then like 30 minutes later I get a message like, hello. I think you just called. Who do I have

the pleasure of speaking to? It's like Jiminy Glick works at all these car dealers. Oh, that sucks. That's horrible. I can't believe he just went once and got a car like that. Yeah, well,

I have a history of Galpin Ford. You also went before the madness. My dad bought like seven cars from Galpin Ford, so we'd go there and we'd get

the red carpet treatment. Yeah. Yeah, it's sick. You go online and you look at people's stories recently for the last year about buying cars

and it's like unbelievable. I was trying to get Devin to buy like an 89 IROC Z. Like, I was trying to get him to get the stupidest car. He was telling me about that. Yeah, John's an idiot. I was trying to get Devin to buy like an 89 IROC Z. Like I was trying to get him to get the stupidest car. He was telling me about that. Yeah, John's an idiot. John never, John for some reason didn't hear what I was saying.

I go, I want a super reliable car. I want a hybrid. I sit in traffic. I want a car that is good for, I want to go up north. I want to go on road trips. I want to get great gas mileage in the city. And I just want it to be reliable. And John goes, dude, you got to get this.

It's a 1984 Corvette. He goes, dude, they don't even make the parts anymore. No, I want Devin to buy like a stepdad car. Well, yeah, it's like you must have been trolling him because if you were trolling him. I mean, slightly, slightly. Devin is not the guy that's going to enjoy fixing up a machine. Fixing up a machine. An old car like that's going to be breaking down constantly.

His current car is breaking down constantly. I drive my current car with my feet. You're like Indiana Jones' driver. You have to use blocks. I have a big

hiking stick that I hold out the car and I feel like I'm in a raft. You're like Tom Sawyer. It sucks ass. I'm losing my mind. You're poking boulders while you go down the street. Do you know how many bottles I just pulled out of the back of my

car today at the gas station? I literally I think I made a homeless guy like 40 bucks. This homeless guy stood next to my car and I just out of the back of my car today at the gas station. I literally, I think I made a homeless guy like 40 bucks. This homeless guy stood next to my car and I just, out of the back, out of my back seat, I was just pulling tons of plastic bottles and putting it into his bag. Yeah, you'd love to have bottles. The Tesla Road Rager

actually, the Tesla Road Rager charged at Devin and then he got like one look at his car and he's like, no, never mind. You're fucked enough. He ran at me and then he goes, oh, what is that smell? He was about to dent it with his pipe. Then he's like, oh, it's already all dead. There's Starbucks egg bites in my backseat from seven months ago.

Oh my God. I cleaned it out today. There's sriracha for the Starbucks egg bites. That's really good sriracha. The Starbucks sriracha rocks. Yeah, sure. Yeah, we all know you shoot it like a... It's like heroin.

Yeah, you inject it into your veins. John puts it on his rashes. That's how he treats his rashes. You put it on his feet after that breakout. Anyway, car buying sucks ass. This is a... It's actually not that stressful. You just got to do it.

It's not like a fucking stressful thing. The key is do the research before you go. Know what you want. Go to the bank. See if you get the best loan possible and show up to the dealership. You know the lowest loan rate? You know the lowest APR right now is 6.8. Fucking shit.

Yeah. Jesus. Yeah. That's not good. And it was 3.8 like a couple years ago and that was bad. What? That's wild. It was 3.

Bro, I remember. When was it going to be 7.2? I think mine's like 3.8 like a couple years ago, and that was bad. What? That's wild. When was it going to be 7.2? I think mine's like 3.6. I mean, it's got to get down to 1.3. I mean, this is the type of shit. Like, this is crazy. I don't get it. What does 7.2 represent? I mean, dude, if it doesn't get to 2.3 at some point,

then, like, you're never going to be able to get a car because if it's at 3.6 right now, it's got to get to 7.5. Oh, you're just saying numbers that fuck with me? 25% I think like I feel so bad for Devin in this because he's talking in circles You're in a loop, my friend

You should feel bad because the one time I said I felt bad There was some sarcasm there You didn't mean it It was genuine Well, okay, thanks Why are you yelling at me? There was some sarcasm there. You didn't mean it. You didn't mean it. It was genuine. Well, okay, thanks. Because it is.

It's the one time I can buy a car and it's like absurd. The rates are absurd. Yeah, so just I think there's ways where you just get like a used car. How many of your friends have you used to have the same conversation that you had with me? Oh, it's literally like the same as when I was in high school and I wanted backup with the homework and I hit up everybody over and over again about what exactly I have to do for the homework. And you're asking the same questions. I've hit up everybody over.

There's a fan, Dan Brekus. Lovely man. He's helped me tremendously. I've annoyed him. I've felt embarrassed. I'm texting him so much. I'm like, oh God, I hope I don't come off too strong.

Because I'm just nervous. I get nervous about these things. It's nerve wracking. I don't want the wrong thing and I'm not going to buy no one. I'm going to keep driving my fucking jalopy for a little bit. Cause the rates are sky high. Devin, you get your panties in a bunch over this stuff. It's a car.

It costs a certain amount of money. No, it doesn't. Not, no, this is unseen. I'm not going gonna pay 10 grand more for a car that would have would have been 10 grand less well that that's why years ago that's why i'm saying you just buy a decent used car outright and they're guys that you find on like ebay motors crazy there's no you the used cars are more expensive than new cars right now that's another part of it you keep saying to like go buy a 1995 i'm saying you can find like like that fucking

ford fusion we saw like there's dudes online who like flip these cars professionally and they'll give you like better deals you know this reminds me of it's when you're looking for a restaurant and one person's like really like no no i've looked at all the restaurants this is the best restaurant no matter what they say no matter how much research they've done, I don't trust your pick. Yeah. I'm like, no, you're missing something. John doesn't know anything about anything. If I did it, which I won't.

John doesn't know a single thing about anything. I mean, the only thing I'm thinking of is the IRS 10 grand. He's still financing a car that he shouldn't have gotten. Getting evicted. He doesn't know. Yada, yada, yada. We don't need to get into it. I got, I got, I'm fine with my car.

He's getting evicted. He's got all sorts of skin diseases. Oh, no, I'm getting, I'm getting, I'm getting mine, brother. I'm coming up. I got to come up Oh, no. I'm getting mine, brother. I'm coming up. I got to come up coming up. I'm getting that fucker. But the thing is, my landlord. Oh, you're going to get your landlord?

I'm going to get you, cocksucker. Why don't you explain that a little bit? John's getting in a big legal battle with his landlord. I find rat shit every fucking morning in my fucking house. You're claiming it's his? Yeah, it's his. He has Ziggy's little tiny turds. Your landlord comes in and just takes little mini shits all over you.

He's about three inches tall. No, I'm in this fucking battle with my landlord. He doesn't know about it yet, but I'm going to spring it on him. But I've essentially ruined this guy's life. He's a landlord. I don't think he has the upper hand no he's struggling he just applied for the mills act what does that mean when he she's trying to get tax breaks on the property so because it's a historic building but he doesn't understand that like you have to

in order to you know get the tax breaks you have to upkeep the house the way a historical building should be upkept and he's just not doing that so it's not gonna they're not gonna give him the tax break but that's like an absolute desperation move but uh yeah the guy's been a fucking thief for like fucking a year and uh but uh the uh yeah i'm gonna get him and uh i don't think you are i've i've got i've i've got the city involved and the city's fining him for everything he's doing wrong and he's not fixing anything. So each fine he's getting increases exponentially. Now it's like $900 a citation. So he's getting like six citations every time they fucking come to my house.

What is stopping this guy from hiring a hitman to kill you? I'm dead serious, dude. I have no idea, bro. I have no idea. You sound like really annoying. I'm super annoying. This guy's the most annoying guy on earth. If John dies mysteriously, it's this guy yeah this

is my enemy no this is my main enemy really white no he's a fucking you're just a typical white man i'm gonna fucking chill why don't you spend three days in my fucking house typical white guy fucking alien every morning i wake up and there's there's fucking by the way by the way folks by the way uh you know by the way guys remember that time when John first got into that apartment and said he was going to make it the greatest place of all time? No, it's nice now. And then the landlord ruined it all.

What, have we all been there twice? I went there for Thanksgiving and John's birthday. And you have to carry your chair around with you so you can sit somewhere. You have to bring a chair. There's like multiple glory holes. That's me trying to punch holes in the wall and kill rats.

John has parties. BYOC. Bring your own chair. Somebody literally brought a table to the Thanksgiving, and I'm not kidding. A guy brought a table to Thanksgiving. John's calling people like, no, no, no, no, no. We don't even have a turkey. Just bring a table. Bring a table for Thanksgiving. John's calling people like, no, no, no, no, no, we don't even have a turkey. Just bring a table. Bring a table for the Ruffles. Anyway, dude, I got the fucking dopest apartment in the fucking city, dude.

There's gonna be a fucking guy hang, dude. They're like, hey, do you guys need mashed potatoes or anything? And John's like, no. Do you have any forks or knives or anything? The guy's like, on Thanksgiving, hey, do you guys need any stuffing? And John's like, no, dude Do you guys need Like do you guys need Like any stuffing And John's like

No dude I need like $500 For rent Do you have paper towels No they No it looks a lot nicer now We got an L couch And shit it's sick

You got an L shaped couch Yeah brother Yeah we got chairs We got everything It's all nice It's been coming together It's just so hard To like put the house together

You can come over Any time you want Every time we Every time we come you say like the girl from the ring like lives in one of the rooms we went out to pasadena that one time to get dinner the whole point was to see your house and immediately you got all weird like this person's coming home they're coming here to do ketamine and we went to to lucky boy. Oh no. That was when I had the ketamine addicted roommate. Yeah. Yeah. Talk about that a little bit.

I suck, dude. I would wake up in the middle of the night. Your roommates was a horse. Dude. He, he, okay.

He kept trying, like we would have like arguments and then he would like group text all of us in the house and be like, Hey, do you guys need like pineal gland activation? And like, he was like offering us like therapy. It was fucking insane dude so

like i'd be like so i'd wake up i'd wake up at like three in the morning from a dead sleep and i would hear just like fuck america like i shared a wall with this guy what yeah he was an anti-american drug user he would like stay in his room listen to recordings of his ex-girlfriend explaining why she's breaking up with him which is another weird thing and then and then cry why why and then like duke had a mean why yeah and by the way dude this guy was like 38 years old it was fucking wild another brilliant plan by john hey listen picking his roommates off craigslist after and then before immediately you know saying like dude this could be the fucking greatest party house in the world.

Yeah, dude. Party house? No, I just want it to be a nice place. We'll fucking chill there all the time. We'll come over. No one's going to hang out at Joey's. My couch is way better than your house. Dude, we'll be sick.

We'll have the candy room. Yeah, but there's so many other negatives that it's just like nobody will go. It's getting there. There's a fucking great... I have some of the best roommates ever. Who are they? Richard Ramirez. No, it's this guy. I to like take a walk with him and

explain to him like hey like you can't scream fuck america at three in the morning like he didn't understand and like it was it was just crazy just constantly on ketamine we had to kick him out yeah it was nuts he owned like a limo company he was like a it's like a schizophrenic lloyd christ Yeah, he was. That is crazy. If Lloyd Christmas was also retarded and schizophrenic. And addicted to ketamine. Yeah, it was a nightmare. It was an absolute nightmare. Yeah.

No, it's been one thing after another. You got him out. And then I got the hand, foot, mouth. It's been a hell of a year for me. Monkeypox. Monkeypox. You got monkeypox. I got monkeypox.

Been hitting the stops. Well, just letting you know, it strayed really far away from what you first said it was going to be. That's life, buddy. Pretty fast, too. We've been there a couple times. That's fucking life, pal. Almost immediately. Welcome to Earth, buddy.

Never even got close. That's not the best excuse. Your vision didn't come close to fruition. You didn't even have us over at a less than exemplary place like you didn't even have us over and be like that sucks but let's all have fun you have like never had us over you can come over whenever you want just always come out here that is not true you couldn't have dropped the ball any harder come over this the thing is is how do you beat that you know upstairs like you got a fucking sick ass living room what i love that couch what so we can fall through this yeah this place is falling apart i love this

house dude you sent me to but it's falling apart oh that was at my place i said the bat well that was that's john also set the bathroom on fire it was a part i didn't set on fire the the exhaust vent was installed by a man named creeper illegally and i turned it and i was taking a shower and it burst a flame it was insane dude and i was like i was crazy i threw water on it which i guess you're not supposed to do with an electrical fire i remember another detail as part of that story what are you thinking i remember a detail where john was trying to simulate some sort of steam room situation i like the shower steamy and you've taken a million fucking steamy showers. I've taken a million fucking steamy showers.

Never have I started an electric one. That is right. I forgot about that. John was pretending like, you know, like he's like, yeah, the whole house like flooded and he's treating his shower like it's raging water. God forbid. God forbid I have a man, an actual professional install an exhaust. He's doing electrical work in my fucking house.

You have Manchester by the sea denial. You started the fire. Oh yeah, well I went down the street on Oxys and I came back and that'd be crazy dude. Oh whoa, what's that dude? Oh this guy? How big deals are made? This guy

kicks ass apparently. One of our listeners sent it to me i i forget your name i'm sorry um because we were we were going to talk about this weeks ago we just got distracted this guy ben mala apparently he's just this huge piece of shit with a lot of money that i don't know let's watch it i don't really i don't really know what 30 years just like you got the cool i could see that yeah you have a similar face video we're spending half of it we're buying a trophy shopping center and you get to come along and buy it with us so we sold our property it's in a 1031 and we can't touch the money you know why because you gotta reinvest it a broker called us up he put

a couple of deals in front of us. We went out and looked at two big shopping centers. Where is this? Like Romania? No, he's like here. This is like Florida or some shit. Why is he playing the music they play in The Mummy when they see like a new Egyptian city or something? It's the same guy from Borat. The guy who did the Borat song.

The music supervisor from Borat? Yeah, they did the Borat sound. The music supervisor from Borat. Yeah, they're playing Borat music when they're playing Atlantic City. Yeah, he's also Luca's DJ.

Luca Tungish. Where's little Ben at? It's nine o'clock. There he is. He's late as usual. It cuts to him probably six o'clock again, Borat.

It's fucking Egg McMuffin. Fuck this Rob Reiner character. This guy sucks ass. Sausage. I'm not in a good fucking mood today. Trying to buy a shopping center in Tampa.

They don't want to give me a discount. They haven't taken care of the goddamn place. They got vacancies, and they still want top dollar. So we're going to get on a plane today. I hate this corrective. Just like, I'm from New York. I talk into the camera. And they can now say anything. Yeah. It's just like, I'm rich. I'm buying this. I'm doing'm from New York. I talk into the camera. And they can now say anything.

Yeah. It's just like, I'm rich. I'm buying this. I'm doing business. New York. These fucking people on the street, they're begging. I shoot them in the head. That's New York.

That's New York. You got to hustle, grind, see who never sleeps. I'm going to go look at some retail shopping centers. I thought he was about to say retail. You have to scream that. He just had the same cadence you just had. Why scream that? He's the same guy.

Yeah, we got to go look at some shopping centers so we can buy them to invest in them. He's like, we got to look at shopping centers. So they attract 16-year-olds. They think they're going to be a millionaire in three years. My name's Ben Mala. I suck my own tits for milk. Fuck you! I'm getting sick and tired.

Getting sick and tired of fat people. He's looking at a fat guy. He's sick and tired of these fat fucks. Big shot attitude. Thinks he's got better tits than mine. He's been acting like a big shot. Going out buying Corvettes. You know, he says I can't talk to you.

I mean, dinner. He's turned into a big shot. And I'm not in a good fucking mood. It's not funny, Ben says I can't talk to you. I mean dinner. He's turned into a big shot See I want to do the regular thing but it all small, and I don't know how to fix it. Oh, no. Is that what you mean? I pressed the wrong button or something. Uh-oh. That happens.

It happens. There's a button. I did that. Joey was pressing buttons. Look at that. It's all small. I can make it go everywhere. Look at that.

Yeah, Joey thought that was a drum machine for a minute. I'm DJ Tiesto. They turned into A-Rab beats there for a minute. I wish I knew how this thing works. It's all a mystery to me, second A-Rab beats there for me I wish I knew how this thing works it's all a mystery to me this A-10 minute bro A-Rab music date of my existence

anyway we're gonna have to go full turn I don't really need to be here today do I? I don't really need to be here today your skin ain't thick

today or what? huh? my balls aren't drained today or what? of course you need to be here who's gonna suck me? who's gonna need to be here. Who's going to suck me? Who's going to milk these nips?

Who's going to milk these fat fucking tits? They're starting to get sore. These are the type of guys that are so fat, they just start buying Skechers. They're like, I don't know. Every shoe I get, no matter how well made, they start curving inwards. I need the wide toe. Just give me the Skechers. I wear them for a week i throw them out

i mean are you in one of those moves today yeah i'm very depressed i didn't have a lot of are you depressed all right smoke a cigarette and let's go because i want today to get going going going smoking cigarettes i'll have another one with you how about that let's have a morning cigarette together. Let's get on this private jet. Here we go. They said I'm a flight risk. First class. I wish it anti-fascist with a surface to air missile. Just hit that fucking jet right now. How do guys this fat just keep going?

A hot sandwich, comfortable seat. They're so inspiring. They're so inspiring. Look at how stuffed that plane is. Look at this. They're like inspiring. They're so inspiring. Look at how stuffed that plane is. Look at this. This is the same type of plane that entire bands fly on. And there's three men

in it and it's like they probably had trouble taking off. You have to shift the luggage around. And put them in different seats. Like, sir, all three you can't be in the back. Yeah, they have to put them under the plane like dogs. Yeah.

Who else are going to get a job to provide that? Yesterday, he got a whole day's pay for taking a nice drive. By the way, keep in mind, he still hasn't even explained what they're doing or what is anything. He's just like, I invest. He's just yelling. We're doing business. American hustle. Everybody should only get, I invest with doing business. American hustle.

Everybody should only get half pay while they're driving. Yeah, right. Take that shit up with the Board of Labor. Jesus. Man, he loves to eat his words. Fuck the moment they get in their car and start driving. Yeah, but 99%

of our employees take off whenever the fuck they want, don't keep track of vacations, take a million days sick leave, and a diabetic. Come to work after time, and we get bullshitted. So who we kidding? We're too fucking nice. That's the problem. Yeah, I have the same blood pressure as the whale.

It doesn't matter. I keep it pushing. pushing smoking a cigarette in the car with the windows up you trash all right let's take a walk get a feel for this place come on i don't know i think it's only around five million bucks. And there's a reason why. What the fuck? Hey, look, I'm new employees. So he just buys real estate, obviously.

This guy's just a piece of shit that buys real estate. Yeah. And flips it, I guess. Interesting. There's a lot of guys like that out here. Yeah, he does do it in an extra trashy way, which I can see why this user, viewer, fan would be enticed. I get it. But we may have to move forward.

Well, let's see. They're going to a Chinese restaurant. The first older one didn't really tickle my fancy. That could be very fun. You're like, no, no, no. I got a sense for these Chinese. I'd love to see these guys. I want to see them go to an Ethiopian restaurant.

You go to these properties, you got to feel it. You got to feel the customers, the stores are doing good. I mean, look at that bread. What is that? It looks like fucking dirt. He goes, you got to, when you go to these places, you got to feel the customers. You got to grab their fucking twat.

You got to get a sense for what they want. Oh, yeah. That's about a five million dollar property. I require a colonoscopy to do business with anybody. They're making money. You don't want to go somewhere where nobody's making money

because then you're not making money. And unfortunately, when we went to that plaza, I didn't feel like they were making money because then you're not making money. And unfortunately, when we went to that plaza, I didn't feel like they were making money. We got food places, which is good. You got Chinese food. You got a coffee shop. It's so amazing. You could just make your own reality show now.

Yeah. You just get some guys to film you be a piece of shit idiot. And then you just put in music that goes like, bum, bum, bum, bum, music that goes like bum bum bum bum you just it's you we can all do that yeah we can literally go out tomorrow and make a storage wars we could do our own storage wars yeah food we got necessities these are things you can't live

without these are ben's junior's necessities pizza cal, calzone, stromboli, pasta, wings, paninis. He's in heaven. Look, everybody's coming out looking at you guys. Okay, so we got a hairstyling here. We're like, we're open if they want to come in with us. Oh, God. Oh, you big fat fox, please come in. No, we're just looking around.

Please come in. Fatty, please. We could make up our entire year. They have that accent. In one afternoon, we could make the same amount of money we made all year with you three fat fucks. Well, we might stop in for lunch later. All right, but we'll be here. All right, we'll be here.

All right. Right from Brooklyn. Long Island. When the people in the stores come outside to have to try to bring you in yeah, that's a sign things are slow I mean common sense. Let's be honest. We might stop in and grab something from your sugar-free Knowing grams that'll kill me. I never been to a shopping center. Yeah, that's That I mean we're just walking around yes you got a camera but still hey baby they're friendly here she's trying to park here sorry sorry sorry sorry come on we're in the way let's go i mean these guys are like the it's a like to like the new

york area these guys are the equivalent of like the the the wild hog problem in Texas. In New York, you should be able to pay to get in a helicopter and shoot fat fucks. Just fat, greedy assholes. They can host some show. They're like, look, it's Ben Mala. You're just firing at him with an AR-15 from a helicopter. Tucci Tony thinks that he can go around flushing and introduce people to restaurants, pop them in the head.

They're like, you don't get it. They eat all the fauna. They eat all the, they eat a lot of important, you know, plants in the area. They're like dogs. They have to put up signs. Please don't put your fat,

let your fat Italian eat herbs here. Sorry. Please shoot any fat, greedy narcissist you see. The cheeseburger population is really low. They're killing all the cheeseburgers. The cheeseburger fauna is dying.

This meatball sub has pesticides on it. Don't let your Italian eat it. Diversify. This part of the episode is sponsored by Masterworks. Where you can invest in retard oh they got the trap portion yeah i have to you know appeal to a different demographic that's yours too they go 24-hour fitness we'll be burning that place to the ground hate those places i don't know what they're doing in there.

Bunch of people, there's liquid coming from the skin. Weird looking machines. I don't know what those are. Weird looking fuck machines. They got these weird fucking machines that looks like Al-Qaeda used to use. Get rid of that place. Planet Fitness, the fuck is fitness?

Where's their first watch at? Oh, my God. Sports play is here. Man, that means all this is common area. I mean, he's like eating his tongue when he speaks. He can't. No, he sounds like he just had a stroke. Stop that.

Look at this road. You got to maintain this road. Is it coming to Dunkin' Donuts? Yeah. Dale? Bars? Yeah, easy. Stop that. That one. No, no. Look at this road. You got to maintain this road. Is it coming to Dunkin' Donuts? Yeah. Bale, Bars? All that. Why are you going to a fucking drive-thru? You said you wanted to get a drink.

Come on. It'd be easy. Wouldn't it? Fucking coffee. Let me get a sugar drink. So what the fuck are you going to Dunkin' Donuts for? Oh, you don't drink iced coffee no more? I don't know.

I thought it was a good idea. Get off my fucking case. Yeah, I was looking forward to that. Then go to the fucking driveway. Oh, my God. The big drama on this episode. I didn't know they were going to have a problem over getting coffee on this one of the Ben Mala show. They were aggressive.

They're really heating up on the Ben Mala show. This aerial shot. They're like, look at this. All these fucking, I hate this shit. You see these things? This is a bunch of broccoli all over the city. We got to get rid of this. Too many vegetables in Long Island.

There could be white castles here. Look at this shit. You got your cauliflower. You got your broccoli. Got to get rid of this. We're going to turn meatball subs. We're going to make the trees into meatball subs. Replace the parks with meatball subs. Replace the parks with meatballs.

Replace the parks with subs. I want a thin cutlet all the way down Main Street. I want every building to be in between two slices of bread. You build this big, giant shopping center in a great growing neighborhood. You build brand new apartments right on site to have an immediate customer base for the tenants. And everything just felt good there. Everything was fresh.

We don't need to put no money in it. Not even the landscaping. We didn't do nothing. The guy's selling us a true turnkey project in a growing, thriving area. Oh. So I told Ben Jr., write up an LOI. It's sugar.

Like an ongoing thing. Jesus Christ. Like I just got done eating lunch on this fucking desk right here. Oh, he's got a personality. So my dad said, Jr., write an LOI. 11 things. Where's the property at? How much I'm buying it for?

Who's buying it? Who's selling it? When are we going to go into contract? How much deposit am I going to put down? How long of a due diligence period am I going to have? Is there any contingencies or anything that I want that has to do with title? Make sure it's clear. Financing contingency. How am I buying it? Am I buying it cash? Do I got to go get a loan from the bank? Do I need time to do that? How many Strombolis I'm gonna buy this afternoon? When's lunch? These are the things, these are the questions

that people ask. It's gonna close 45 days from effective date, 30 days from effective date, and then 11, always make it confidential. This is between you and the owner, and maybe your bro. Back to Ben. Define the meeting point,

and when you're up in the big numbers like we were it the essentials that you're gonna want to see in a shopping plaza he looks like a character brand right there don't get donuts he has a drive-thru that's good investment it's essential people have to have doughnuts likeer got bit by a fat vampire. Favorites and the reason why is you guys This is John Taffy. John Taffy.

See, it's vacant because it was a mattress store. How many people got to go out and buy a mattress today? I don't know. But this place is in a hot location,

and it should be no problem re-renting this space. This right here will be value-add. This is where I'll sell my titty juice. You can make money right now, but it will when it gets rented. That's a big store, a lot of square feet. Before you buy a property, my kids are full. you have to hire...

What do you do? Environmental assessment. Environmental assessment services. We call Matt out, he comes out here, he does all his homework on the property, he researches what used to be here, what's here now, and he evaluates everything that has to do with the environment.

This actually was the site, a Native American sacred site, and now you're going to come in and sell your titty juice here? Yeah, exactly. If we don't close this deal soon, I'm not going to be able to lactate anymore and produce any milk. I'm in heat. There's a gas. Is the rate on?

Rate on. Okay. Oh, boy. Jesus Christ. We'll get back to that later. He's like, I'm too old for this shit I'm 38 Go do your job

Tipsy is a very high end nail salon They got a bar You can't get your nails done on Amazon Tipsy what's that named after Every woman I've been with Look who's coming out now He definitely needs a facial He comes right in his face That definitely needs a facial. He comes on him. He comes right in his face.

That guy needs a facial. More like a bukkake. He goes, Pat Junior, come over here. Bukkake time. Glaze him up to cover that mug. Jesus. He goes, how you think Krispy Kreme works?

He goes, they keep showing the 24-hour fitness. He goes, I still hate that. What is that fucking place? What is that? The den of Satan? These damn mystery centers

with the odd machines. Mystery centers. All these fucking places do is they make your heart rate go up to a level it's not supposed to be. Something weird's going on in these mystery centers. The Revo.

The Revo. These contraptions that cause heart disease. It's bullshit. It's a great place and a great area and great condition. We got to sit down, think about the good, the bad, and if there's any ugly. Make sure we understand the deal. When you get into a complicated deal like this you got to understand it you got to understand the leases you know they have what they call exclusive uses prohibited

uses restricted uses all these different types of things where you got a burger joint you can't rent to another burger joint we get his open up a juice bar cause we can't show you. did a semester of community college, business school. See all these terms he knows? Did you hear that? He said contingency earlier. You heard him say contingency? I like contingency with a little bit of palm on top.

My favorite contingency is when they dip it in the au jus. The three-tier contingency. That's the best contingency. I thought a due diligence period was the time between my entree and my dessert. Oh, due diligence. We're going to open up a juice shop here. And what that means is we're going to have Ben, we're going to have my son here. He pulls out some apple juice

some moths and he just pours it in a cup for beer it's a juice bar it's a juice bar get him the welches you out of here you got boba you said we have boba t here already what we're selling asian people right yeah because this would kill it for Boba. Okay, so there's all these different interactions with working in between tenants. And you got to make sure as the landlord that you put that puzzle piece that that other tenant has to be the right fit for this puzzle. He goes like, oh, so I could put the tapioca in my breast milk and suck it up. That's good. Shooting out like a machine gun.

Is that what Boba is? He goes, I got Boba. Every fucking week I piss out a Boba ball. Boba? Boba these cheeks are putting some weird beads in my feet.

He goes, the doctor calls it a kidney stone. I told him it's Boba. Trying to keep up, f calls it a kidney stone. I told him it's boba. Try to keep up, Zag. A kidney stone. Try to keep up, Zag. More like a fruity pebble or something. Yeah, kidney stone. Right.

That's what the kids like. The kids, they're drinking kidney stones at the bottom of their milk tea. That's a big concern we have. And there's some empty space here. The kids, they're drinking kidney stones at the bottom of the milk tea. That's a big concern we have. And there's some empty space here that needs to be looked at. Can you fit a Tesla through there? This would make a great Tesla showroom. I don't know.

That fountain looks pretty pissy to me. That thing should be shooting up higher. What do you want me to look at on the inside of the bank? What do you want me to do and go in there and look at there? Go in the vault. I mean, you want me to scope the place out? mean i want you to go in the vault okay so when i walked into the last place there was five or six people getting i want you to go in when i walked into the barbershop there was like eight to nine guys in the chairs okay so there's people here it's really not that big of a parcel when you look at it because a lot of stores

but there's really not a lot of parking that's why we need to know what are we entitled to use in that garage how many spaces apartment complex owns the road and the parking garage does that mean that we don't get these parking spaces all they have three different contracts okay there's a cleaning contract for this one there's i mean look at how his watch is about to fly off of his wrist look Look at that. His hand's turning purple. It's cutting off circulation. Maintenance, maintenance, maintenance. Landscape, landscape, landscape. He goes, alright, enough of the legalese.

Shut the fuck up. Maintenance, maintenance, maintenance. The fuck does that mean? You fucking fanook. It's three buildings we're buying. I'm we're buying is that one of those gummy watches i'm still pissed elisa ann beat me for biggest tits start no your landscaper seems to be doing a great job he lives right back here okay good my own father i'm asking him to smoke hey and uh don't blame me ben didn't tell you we flew in today the last minute he did not i'm sorry and you drove don't blame me. Ben didn't tell you we flew in today, the last minute.

He did not. I'm sorry. And you drove over here, huh? He forgot. He didn't tell you. I ratted you out. All these years, and I don't even deserve a phone call. Out of all these wells, I have found one.

So why are there wells here to begin with? Can you explain that to me? There used to be two 3,000 gallon diesels. There was a farm? So there was gallon diesels. There was a farm. So there was a farm here. What was that? 3,000 gallons of marinara? He's like, what's a farm do?

What is farms? What the fuck is a farm? Is that where all the food is before it becomes food? It's baby food. He's like, they're growing the cheeseburgers there. Is that where they grow the burgers? Is that where whiz comes from? What's a cow?

So why can't we just put the bun in between a cow in between the bun? Ground storage tanks. So we're going to need to know whether or not they're in the program, the cleanup program. You're going to be able to find that out, right? You probably already know that, it's just i'm not at the office

right now why are they putting three more walls in because they could not locate the other two wells that's why we brought the environmental guy here i don't know about wells but otherwise it's a good place a good neighborhood we like it it's a good fit for our 1031 very low management we're not going to change nothing here we're just going to keep running the way they ran it This guy built the place That's what he does He builds them He gets them filled

He operates them And then he sells them to people like us We come in I feel like they slow the frame down So you get a sense of what his vision's like When his heart starts palpitating And that's how the game's played Alright, that's how the game's played folks Normally when. That's how the game's played, folks.

Normally, when we purchase a property and we utilize all our 1031 money into purchasing the new property, at a later date, after we maybe came in, fine-tuned things, fixed it up a little, stabilized the asset, then we would elect to take a refinance and get some of that money out. But maybe we should wait until we have a purpose for the money. Because if we borrow that money, we're going to be paying probably close to 6% interest on it. So if we can't go out and take that money

and put it into something that's going to get us far more than that 6%, then it doesn't pay. And if it don't make sense, it ain't making dollars. Put it in mountain.com slash shop. He's like the dice of real estate. We should pay for the phone call.

Yeah, we should call him. Private phone call with Ben. Go to that and see how much it costs. Consult with Ben. Consult with Ben. Why? Because he's going to get me on the phone. Who better do you know to call?

Hey, it'd make a great gift. Maybe it's somebody's birthday. Maybe somebody needs a kick in the ass. Get me on the phone. I'll set them straight for you. What if we call him? We should call him and just talk about how to make a sandwich. Yeah.

If we call him, we're just like, Ben, listen. Can you do better? We got the cheese, the lettuce, the tomato. What else? He goes, throw all that trash in the garbage. He goes, you need a bun and you need meat. He goes, get some mayo. Get some bacon.

Get another patty. And now we're talking sandwiches. He goes, what I do, sometimes I go into my mother's room and I just chew on her arm. I don't know. It does something for me. It kind of does something for me. Nothing better than mother's cooking. I don't know.

I just like to keep it honest. That's all. Anyway, we can wrap up. Let's head to the Patreon. Any final words from any of you? Just I'm happy Richie's out of rehab. Yeah, Richie's saying

I really appreciate your support. We almost lost you there. Yeah. And a lot's changed too in like those 28 days. It was getting scary. He got caught like

stealing jewelry from his mom or something. Yeah, yeah. You took her credit card. We heard about that. You ran up a crazy bill. How'd you end up in Arkansas? Luckily, I didn't lose my new job, though. He ran up a crazy bill

at Claire's Boutiques. He bought a bunch of piercings for children. I saw the new Louis special, and then it just imbued me to want to get children's things. The jankum. You don't know what you're doing. You're in a haze. The jankum makes you crazy. It does.

Well, John, any final things about you? You want to tell the IRS that you... Oh, yeah. You can all suck me off. Okay. I don't think they like that. The IRS. Yeah, the IRS.

No, I'm probably going to get... What's going to happen is I'm going to get to the point where they're about to fuck me and then I'll do something. Launches right into sinister queer. Yeah. I'll be a real sinister queer with the IRS. Is that gag over? No, no. We're talking sinister queer over here'll be a real sinister queer is that gag over no no

very good Richie we brought it back up today because he is the sinister queer that was so sinister John by the way is joking he's on top of it and he's taking care of it I'm taking care of it he has a lady and a teacher and a block doing it for him I'm super chill

I got a CPA and everything's okay child porn assistant child porn assistant advocate you got a CPA on it she tells you all the websites tells you when the drops are happening they go on the dark web

they go on the dark web for you patreon.com slash hate the dark web for you. All right. Patreon.com slash hate watch podcast. Thanks for listening and good night. Good night.