Hate Watch with Devan Costa - They Ready

Episode Date: September 5, 2022

We discuss the Tiffany Haddish/Aries Spears pedophile scandal, talk about dumb New Yorkers and then watch videos of people that hijacked airplanes Get weekly bonus episodes: https://www.patreon.com/HateWatchPodcast Join the Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/hatewatchpod/ Available on all platforms. Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/hate-watch-with-devan-costa/id1459356319 Follow the pod on Twitter: https://twitter.com/Hate_watch_pod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hatewatchpod/ Follow on Twitter: https://twitter.com/devancosta Follow on IG: https://www.instagram.com/devanjamescosta/

It's good to be in something from the ground floor. I came too late for that. I know. But lately I'm getting the feeling that I came in at the end. The best is over. Many Americans, I think, feel that way. There we go.

There we go. There's a request for Chase to look a little smaller. Look at this. I go, who's this midget next to me? Joey's actually been sawing the legs off of my chair. Still filing it slowly every week. I got the Chinese surgery where they broke my legs and slowly bolted them. Joey's a geisha now.

That's why you disappeared to South Dakota for like three months. I was like, no, I'm just going on vacation. No, I don't have fiberglass rods throughout my thighs. What are those massive scars? I'm just going on vacation. No, I don't have fiberglass rods throughout my thighs. What are those massive scars? I'm not training. No, no. I fell down a hill. They put you in a Chinese robe.

You were jacking off everybody in South Dakota. I'm not training to please leaders. What are you talking about? Joey, your feet are bound. Joey, I'm pretty sure your ankles are broken. I don't know. That's just the new look. It takes like two years to recover from that, right?

I don't know. The illegal Chinese growth surgery? I heard Rogan talked about it at some point. I haven't dug into it. Is that when Rogan had that Asian lady that was a liar from North Korea on? He had this Asian... The hot lady. The North Korean lady with giant tits that was saying a liar from like North Korea on. He had this like Asian. The hot lady. The North Korean lady with giant tits.

That was like saying that she lived off like crickets for like five years. And everyone's like, how do crickets grow fucking knockers like that? Yeah. Can you imagine how big her tits would have been if she had American milk? Can you imagine if she had a $6 burger to feed off of? Some USDA beef on those hogs. The pure genetics of those milky tits. Joey, will you hit the light?

I think we look quite... Yeah, I think Joey finally has the power now in this situation. The camera's not really focusing, though. It's more... You look kind of like Jack Nicholson at the beginning of The Departed when he's in dark on purpose. Devin kind of looks like he's auditioning for the Sandman show. Yeah, I don't know what I am

right now. By the way, I shaved my face just because it's so hot. That made it worse. No, it has to settle in. Look at it now. It settled in. No, look at your face. Yeah, I look better. You look better. It's warmer, you look tanner. This looks like when it's Breaking Bad in Mexico. It's like the fucking weird sepia shit.

Professional lighting in Breaking Bad? That's not professional. That's lighting. It looks like a beheading video. Let it settle. Watch the camera settle. Did you see it settle? It did just settle. Jesus, you and your ODD.

Unbelievable. You're not getting enough puss, are you? No. We can't go down this train again. Yeah, not again. Let's just make fun of how devin looks more i know come on look at me i look like a completely different person it's actually kind of insane it is also funny how much uh just doing a podcast regularly will just turn you into a psychopath because i walked in and saw that i was like i'm not even gonna bring it up now just so

we can burn seven minutes yeah that's how it goes we could all walk in here somebody can walk in like fresh off like a horrific car accident. We're like, I'm going to wait until the pod starts. Make fun of this guy. I have a knife sticking out of my back. I don't know it. Oh, you're paralyzed now, Jace? Oh, Jace is paralyzed.

And when you see him, though, you're just like, oh, my God, what happened? Oh, anything you need, I'm there for you. Podcast starts, you're like, you no-legged faggot. Yeah, old crippled crab over here so what a week yeah it's been this has been exciting stuff let's get right into it okay tiffany haddish and aries spears face child sexual abuse allegations her lawyer responds out the gate already hilarious did you guys see any of the video at all? No, I didn't know. I'll read a little bit of the article.

Can you play it or is it I have it? I mean, I'm not even sure if we're allowed to play it. I don't know. That's what I was going to say. Agents are going to like bust through the door and send us. I mean, we're going to look like Steven Paddock's brother. Tiffany Haddish and Aries Spears have been accused of grooming and molesting two

underage children for a funny or die sketch in 2013 I'd rather just get regular molested I know just have some guy pick me up in the woods the funny or die thing is probably worse than the molestation I'm also just upload it to college humor

at least imagine losing your whole life over a funny or die sketch in 2013 a lawsuit obtained by tmz alleges that haddish coerced a 14 year old girl into starring in a sexually suggestive video uh in which she taught her how to imitate performing fellatio the girl claims her seven-year-old brother was taken to a home where the sketch titled Through a Pedophile's Eyes. Yeah, that's always something you want to finish. Any sketch like that, somebody sends you the draft.

You're like, I'm in. Yeah, I'll be there. You buying me tacos? Okay, yeah, I'm in. Also, the parent of child actors is like, what do you want my kids to be in? Right. Through the eyes of a pedophile? Okay, yeah, we'll bring them over at six.

Yeah. Sounds irreverent. Also, the parent of- I'll be right there. Probably not even child actors, just like any kids in the neighborhood that Aries Spears and Tiffany Haddish could get their hands on. They like,

you know, walked up to some ladies house. It's a Shakisha Maxwell and, uh, and Patrice. If he survived the stroke. Yeah. I doubt let's drop our kids off over there.

Yeah. Uh, but yeah. And so, uh, here's, here's the video. It's drop our kids off over there. But yeah, and so here's the video. Here we go. Oh, Jesus. Look at Ares Spears.

By the way, this is the best publicity he's got. For a while, yeah, I know. Which is crazy. What the fuck? He's like, yo, that pedophile shit's finally taken off. He's like, yo, the sketch is killing me. That's what you do, okay?

All right, thank you so much. If you need anything, just call me, okay? So Tiffany Haddish is dropping a kid off, and Aries Spears has a cigarette in his mouth, and he's got a robe on. Mwah, see? All right, now. And that's a naked kid.

That's a naked- Wait, really? They're covering up his body with a naked kid. That's a naked seven. Wait, really? They're covering up his body with a puppy image. Jesus. They're going to face like real time. Yeah, yeah. This is crazy. Look at all these people. This is so...

Look at his eyes. He's doing the Kenan Thompson eyes. Can't even be original while he's molesting a kid. You're like, Tiffany, do you think it's a good idea? Like, do you think it's okay to force this seven-year-old to be in a pedophile sketch? She's like, they ready! They ready! This is a naked kid.

And he's winking at him. Yeah. And it's on his website! It's on ariespears.com! Jesus. Now the kid's just, like, scrubbing the floors with no clothes on. The kid's, likeriespears.com jesus now the kid's just like scrubbing the floors there's no clothes on kids like playing with toys on the floor aries spears is reading the paper but he cut out two holes in the paper for his eyes my mind's it's playing my mind's telling me no it was it was gonna but they didn't who's that song also by a pedophile.

He's kind of also doing his Bill Cosby impression. He is. He's got the gray hair and he's doing like the, oh, well, how's it going? And Tiffany said she would, she would want it.

She wanted to work with Bill Cosby. Really? Yeah. After everything happened, she's like, he could put, he could give me a drink. She said all that.

All the signs are here. Yeah. She just loves pills. All the signs were here. She tried loves pills all the signs were here yeah she tried to fly to uh instead of little saint james she's going to little rick james folks very good hey we still got it come on get that patreon up she's just doing she's doing all the entertainment on the lolita express tiffany haddish this is my black sexual offense y'all okay oh you like one of them like not adults

you one of them little motherfuckers that like there's a law against and shit yeah yeah they're on the Lolita the Lolita Express oh man just Soul Plane yeah the 2004 hit Soul Plane god that's they're done yeah that's not great her career is over yeah Tiffany Haddish can can no longer star in terrible comedies

not gonna be any more movies where it's Tiffany Haddish's first time in a nice hotel that's the whole plot is tiffany haddish walking into a nice lobby like damn no movie where tiffany has just hanging out with billy crystal for some reason yeah what's with your little white ass yeah what's with your little jew ass neurotic and shit chill out baby chill out why are you guys fucking with palestine like that you're so small you look like my type if you didn't have that beard and you were seven they forced the kid to like like fake suck the dick of a subway sandwich in the sketch jesus like you say he's sucking a sandwich like it's a dick yeah and they had to they had to show

him they had to show a child. And they kept the kids away from each other. They separated the kids? They separated them. That's a sketchy tactic. Where it's like... If you're separating the kids, that means you're like, well, the older kid probably will

know something's weird. Like, let's get them separated so that we can abuse them better. I like that Joey came in and he's like, red flag right there. The 14-year-old will maybe think I'm an adult, so I'm proud to be a part of this.

My younger sister, my younger brother is actually young. They start talking, like, hey, is it kind of weird that Ari Spears' dick is out right now? I feel like it's a classic abuse. They're going to start talking about how this is weird if they're together like get up separate them and then get weird the kids the kids are like they're such hacks did you see ari's dude go on that lizzo rant called her the shit emoji that shit was whack the kids are in the other room reading the script. They're like, this is really sophomoric.

This is a horrible sketch. Your black bat mitzvah or whatever that special was was terrible. I don't know what you're doing. The script is written in crayon. It looks like one of Charlie Kelly's maps. Yeah, just the kids going up. Listen, I'm a trained actor. I've done the stage.

All right, what is my motivation? What is yours? I don't understand. It's not based on reality, and that's where all good comedy comes from. Ari Spears is like, just play with those toys. Get naked. Get buck naked. Man.

Ari's on the stand panicking and just goes into a Shaq impression. Just panics and does old stand-up for 2003. The judge is sentencing him, and he's just doing a wacky character. Yeah, crossing his eyes and going, I didn't do anything with them kids. I didn't do nothing, judge. How could someone with this many rings

do something with these kids, judge? All right, Mr. Spears, we told you you're not Shaq. Did Chuck put you up to this? Is this Chuck's fault? There's also a lot of weird, even with the sketch, the fact that they chose a Subway sandwich. Like Jared. Oh yeah, another pedophile.

It's like a bunch of... There's so many dog whistles in this. It's a web. They've really spun a pedo web here. They're so retarded they've done Illuminati shit not on purpose. Yeah, they didn't even mean to. But now it looks like theyarded. They've done Illuminati shit, not on purpose. They didn't even mean to, but now it looks like they run the pedophile

black Illuminati. Are they the first known famous black pedophiles? I guess it's not proven yet. Alleged. I guess you could say R. Kelly, Michael Jackson. He's a white pedophile. Michael Jackson had so many numbers he had to turn white. He's a white pedophile. Yeah, Michael Jackson's a... Michael Jackson had so many numbers,

he had to turn white. He's like, yeah, this is the whitest thing I could do. Tiffany Haddish is half Jewish, apparently. Yeah, she's not the sharpest. Is Haddish, is that a Jewish name? I don't know. She's an Ethiopian Jew. Oh.

She probably just said that to get into Hollywood. Yeah, probably. She thought she was saying her last name was Hasidic. Yeah. Tiffany Hasidic. How did she do that shit you dip in the salt water during Passover? Man. Yeah, they're finished.

I don't see how you come back from this. Even if they're not charged in court especially with the black community black people do not have time for this they don't have time for black pedophiles they do not have the time for this this is like creepy white people shit yeah they can't go on Def Jam comedy anymore

you're getting booed out of the Apollo I got kids in my house underage yeah Ari can't go on local Chicago comics podcasts anymore he's fucked Yeah, I got kids in my house. Underage. Yeah, Ari can't go on local Chicago comics podcasts anymore. He's fucked. Yeah. What was he doing before?

Well, that's the thing. He was already sort of done. Yeah, he's done. Tiffany Haddish was... Had a big career. She had a big career, and she was getting, you know... Everything. She was in the car counter. Paul Schrader just put her in a real movie.

Yeah. She's bad in it. I mean, that was like one of her lower tier movies. lesser known roles. She was in big blockbusters and now people like that, they're like,

why would we take the risk on her? She was in Angry Birds 2, you guys. She was? Yeah, she had a voice in that. Well, she was in that movie

where it was a Girls Trip. Girls Trip. It was huge. She was in stuff like that. Now those kinds of people are just going to be like, why?

Why put her in it? There's a lot of other people like her that we could, you know. was in stuff like that now now those kinds of people are just going to be like why yeah why put her in it there's a lot of other people like her that we could you know black people on twitter already like don't like her like a lot of people are all happy that they're like i never understood why she was like funny or big like like i knew she was up to something she's also had like crazy shit out there like i think during the pandemic she was you know fucking but she went on some dude on clubhouse some doctor talking about she did weird holistic shit like she like was like drinking her own pee to like oh really i stopped she got into that no but it was something along those lines she was no i heard i heard people would do it that was like a trend no people do drink through that's the thing that's the thing like women keep

drinking their own piss yeah like it helps their skin or something. Lyoto Mishida, a champion MMA fighter, used to drink his own piss and he probably still does. It's like a Japanese tradition. Baseball players used to pee on their hands to toughen them up. It gives you calluses. I find it to be disgusting. I feel like water would work just as well.

It's not got the... It doesn't have the minerals in it. Yeah. Real coffee piss. Dark brown piss. I love a coffee piss. Sometimes my piss smells like smoke. What the hell is going on there?

I gotta fix something inside me. I do love it when you're so dehydrated, you're like, my piss reeks to me. My piss smells worse than my shit to me right now. Especially right now with how hot it is. This is like smell your balls through your pants season. You guys had that lately? I've had my

I sniffed my own bag on accident and it was like I got tear gassed. I almost started peaking. My eyes were watering. You started pouring milk all over your face. Yeah, you ate a wing that was too hot. Joey turned into baked

Alaska. Just guys running out of January 6th. Smell my own balls. I smell my own balls. Worth a napalm. Yeah, it's like the same. This is that the dark days of the summer in LA where it's like all the headlines

are like, we're going to turn your off yeah yeah people will come into your home and mayor garcetti's like watch out people might run into your home and kill you it's getting hot out there we're gonna round up the jews and the japanese they're like we're not saying we're running out of water but we're not saying we're not running out of water i got in i've been stealing ben's tesla all week because he's in Europe. Yeah. I didn't ask permission. I'm just still on it. It's parked outside. People are probably rummaging through it. But I got a warning today.

I got on the Tesla. It's like, by the way, don't charge between 4 and 9 p.m. Because we're doing the they do those accelerated rates where they don't use your electricity between 4 and 9 p.m. We're going to charge you double. Oh, shit. Electricity for the car. There's an electricity bill for a Tesla? Well, I mean, you plug it into the house, so it's coming out of the house.

But what if just the lights are on at the house? Are they charging an extra between 4 and 9? I think they are. Are you fucking kidding me? And that's bad because I've been running it at like 50 at their house all weekend. I'm like, I'm going to bankrupt these. The only family I have. Where are they?

Ben's in Austria? They're in Austria? Yeah. I don't want to give exact locations. Oh, yeah. I'll give it. They flew to Vienna. I have. Where are they? Ben's in, they're in Austria? Yeah, they're, I don't want to give exact locations. Oh, I'll give it. They flew to Vienna. I have the,

I have the hotel, the hotel. They're at a number, room number 85. Yeah, exactly. There's a low hanging balcony. Just some retarded Italian guy.

Huge, huge Tim Dillon fan. Yeah, the one, the one, yeah, the one basement dweller in all of Italy. Giuseppe Fortunito. I am a Roth child. I am a peppy.

I am a peppy. The bitch. Where is me sloppy? A cum for no one. I am a... I swear to God, if another guest come on the Tim Dilley show, I'd kill myself. The Airbnb is a classic. I'm going to jump off the Coliseum, which is the only tall building in Italy. We not build buildings, we not do AC, because we are lazy, dumb, fat people.

They really are such idiots. They're morons. What a bunch of pea brain brick laying pieces of shit. Dude, they eat oil and cheese. They're fucking special needs. I'm Italian and I love it. It's my favorite food and I love the culture, but what a bunch of shitheads. Yeah, yeah.

No, seriously. Their culture is just cat calling. They think that's acceptable. Even when you go to Little Italy, like in New York, it's like Disneyland for Italian people and it's like completely okay to go along with the worst aspects of Italian culture. So you just,

you see women, guys just run out of stories like, Come here, let me rape you. Come on, I need to rape. She won't let me do the rape. Come here, sit on my lap. Come here, sit on my lap.

My lap, my lap. Why don't you let me rape you with a big meatball? Come on, my cock is in the meatball. Like Diner. I cut the hole in the meatball. In my cock, come on. He just puts marinara and spaghetti noodles on his balls. Look at the meatball.

It's an angel had a pube. No, no. It's a bear. I touch my dick against the wall to see if it sticks. To know it ready. I have a rap on every woman this week. But you know, Amanda Knox is the real problem. We come from a long line

of Sicilian rapists. My grandbaby Giuseppe was the greatest rapist in all of Sicily. The thing about you dirty Americans, you don't know how to get the cement on the brick perfect.

Just perfect. Shut up and make our walkways. Make me a chimney and get the fuck out, okay? Shut up and be really fit until you're 27. Then be the fattest guy who ever lived. Exactly. Dumbass. With your chains. You dress

like idiots like me. I hate you. I've dedicated my entire media consumption to you. My whole media consumption is all italian people i i basically am a brony for italian culture but you're a bunch of idiots i told you the the i was in new york um the year jeter um retired and it was his last game he got that walk-off single yeah they're just losing their minds dude i was literally like i was walking into delis and you just heard like just dipshit got backwards hats big muscly sweaty guys bleeding like it was just he knew it was his time yep he just seized the moment one of the most hated players in baseball

yeah yeah gave every celebrity in the world herpes yeah didn't he statistically one of the worst short stops of his era is he really yeah statistically he's like statistically one of the worst shortstops of his era. Is he really? Yeah. Statistically, he's one of the... He's like... He has such cool highlights, though. Yeah, I know. He caught that ball, and then he jumped and then threw it. Yeah, the jump was so nice. Yeah. That was like his Air Jordan moment.

That was the first time baseball players ever jumped in a game. Yeah. You're like, I didn't know we could do that. He didn't even need to do it. He just did it to be like, I'm black. Yeah, that was his logic moment. I'm still black. Derek Jeter jumping. I'm biracial. Throw in throw in the ball yeah derrick you're going who can relate

i saw he i saw i tried watching part of the jeter documentary and it's it's i love derrick jeter i respect him you know tremendously but it is it's just a bunch it's a guy getting a bunch of ground balls yeah yeah boring as hell he's a a great media professional, but he's a terrible club owner. He's like run the Marlins into the ground. Oh, he does? He runs the Marlins? He took over the Marlins. He fired every good player they had. He's like not gotten any good trades or anything.

He's like if they made Robert Ori the face of the league because of like major moments. Right, right. That's his legacy is major moments. Like a very decent player who, yeah. I didn't legacy. A very decent player. I didn't know he was statistically that bad. He won four World Series in his first five years, so everybody's like, oh, he's the Yankee Clipper.

Was he on lucky teams, or was he good at it? He was always amazing. He had amazing teams, and then he also just shined in huge moments. He did have big clutch moments. He'd be 0-3 in error, but then right when they need a home run, he hits like... He's clutch. Let's say he'd be like 0 for 3. He did have big clutch moments, yeah. Yeah, he'd be like 0 for 3 in error, but then right when they need a home run, he hits one. Well, that is greatness, you know?

Yeah. You could have... Rise to the moment. Rise to the moment could be whatever, I guess. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, New York. New York City. New York City, baby.

Yeah, A-Rod. A-Rod. My grandpa was calling A-Rod gay-rod for 15 years. And then I loved him. And he only played well in one playoff series. Yeah, one playoff series. Now I love him. I love gay-rod.

Gay-rod. My father didn't even get mad at John Rocker when he said that shit about New York. He agreed. Hey, we here in New York, we're pretty quick with it, okay? How about this? Tony Romo, Tony Homo. Fuck you. Hey, New Yorkers, we come together in a crisis.

We come together in a crisis here in New York, unless you're Dominican, Puerto Rican, Chinese, any Polack, Jew, any other situation, stay segregated, but in a crisis. I do even love that lazy, they're like, listen, you think New Yorkers are the mean, but the day two planes hit the biggest building in the city, we're kind

of nice to each other. What a claim. We act decent for 24 hours and we start beating up Iraqis. I found the hockey way kid. I fucking pushed his face into a curb. September 11th. I'll tell you this. Okay. I ran a little face into a curb. September 11th, I'll tell you this, okay?

I ran a little hot dog cart, all right? That was a bad day for this country. I gave people water for free. It was out of the hot dog bin. I'm not giving them bottles. It was the hot dog water. It was the hot dog water. It was a hot day.

Let's not get crazy. Toxic fumes were everywhere. I gave them sweaty hot dog water. love this city i can never leave i'm trapped here by the amount of money i spend at all times i can't afford to go over to the gw that's why i never leave i've never had more than 14 to my name at any moment i live in hell i'll die but you know the city You know It keeps you It keeps you healthy You know

I get my steps in I know I get my steps in Sometimes You know It's hot Hot day The steam comes out

Of the subway You know It's like a sauna You know I get my steps in Walking away from Homeless people Dancing in front of my store

A lot of flinching You know You know how many calories You burn flinching You know how many calories you burn flinching? You know how many calories you burn flinching on a walk to Harlem? Huh? Just last week I walked to the Bronx, I flinched 30 times. I looked at my Apple Watch, it said my heart was in great condition because of that.

Doc says if it wasn't for my racism, I would have died years ago. It really is. Hatred and racism is fueling these old fucks. These like classic men, these like city guy guys. Nobody stays alive like just hateful racists. They just refuse to go down. No, they never, because they still got

a couple more things to say. They all have a black nurse that they accuse of like stealing from them. They can't die because they're like, oh, she's going to steal my shit. Exactly. Is this really it? If I die, that Bumba Club's going to take everything I have. My Mickey Mantle baseball.

I can't die before I give my son the ring I used to hit my wife in the 50s. This ring has got a permanent dent from when your mother lost her front tooth. But I think she looks better now with the gold. It's shiny. She's got the Rizzo rat. One gold tooth. Yeah, your ma looks like Ratso Rizzo now, and that's a good thing to me. Your ma looks like every bad guy in the 90s.

One gold tooth for some reason welcome to city island baby that's a strong island yeah strong island my friend yeah stan island it's a good most convenient city in the world i only have to get on a bus or train on a boat to get to my shitty job i only have to take the long iron express three hours to get to my job job. I only have to take the Long Iron Express three hours to get to my job that's good enough to feed my family. I don't got to pay for gas, though, I'll tell you that. Like those suckers out in L.A.

They're all obsessed with L.A., too. Oh, L.A., huh? You're out there with the fucking pedophiles then, I guess. All those Hollywood pedophiles, huh? You've already out there molesting kids, sucking cock. Is that what you're up to out there? Yeah. Up to out there sucking the

kids. Meanwhile, like the Archdiocese of New York is just blowing through a million. Jeffrey Epstein owned like an entire block. They're like, you guys are sick out there. Jeffrey Epstein owned like a Walmart on the Upper West Side. Those people in LA, you're fucking nuts, buddy. All right?

So what that we're finding out more info that 9-11 was done by our government and we let it happen? So what there's probably hundreds of construction workers signed an NDA when they were putting in weird pipe bombs for months before the attack. What are you going to do about that, pal? Who gives a shit? Because that's a good union job. Yeah, it's a union job.

We love our union jobs. It siphons money from the government away from needy organizations. Better than being in Hollywood. Hollywood. Come on, take a seat. We got the good donuts today. You can't even. I was down there.

I was down in West Hollywood. I couldn't even get a good slice at 4 o'clock in the morning. Are you kidding me? Worst part about 9-11 is I beat up a couple white people because they were covered in the soot. I thought they were black. Big mistake. I was charged with a hate crime.

I thought I was beating up a Pakistani guy. Turns out he had a head wound, big bandage on his head. I thought those fucking ragheads in the sky should be charged with a hate crime over me. They hate Italians. It was Italian-American discrimination. There was a lot of good cousins doing IT work in those buildings. Slapping computers around, getting mad, throwing the coffee across the office.

You're supposed to push Webistics. I don't care who crashed into the Twin Towers. We're in Jersey. Push. What? Yeah. The one guy from a Bronx tale is in the towers. Just slapping guys around. Oh, man.

New York. New York City. City that never sleeps. That is what's funny about New York. Because everyone there does act like they also built the city. Right right like they were in those pictures where they're eating like a brown bag lunch like they're bouncing on a high beam yeah it's like i'm pretty sure you just you were you were born to some sack of shit parents right your your identity is your accent right your grandparents were that you are not yeah you are not at all exactly yeah new york is it's all like

the same joke he just did you know know, just like a garbage man, rafts chewing at his feet as he's taking out, you know, the trash at 4 a.m. He's like, greatest city in the world, baby. His hands are covered in tahini. Greatest city in the world. I saw literally a mountain of homeless people trying to not freeze to death. Literally, I'm not not kidding 15 of them piled into a big pyramid you just see that walking down wall street you'd be like i love this goddamn

city hey pal you can get us you could get a turkey and cheese anytime you want so what i've never had a vegetable there's no grocery stores here who gives a shit i was in la 3 a.m you couldn't even find a crackhead break dancing what kind of city is that yeah well LA. 3am, you couldn't even find a crackhead breakdancing. What kind of city is that? Yeah, you guys out in LA, you don't stuff your face at 2am. Fucking retards. I'm gonna box some muzzies ears in.

Wait, what is this? Where's all the muzzies? I want, you know, you can't even Can't even ask. Delirious. He's in the desert just dying. Shadow boxing. Yeah, shadow boxing in the desert.

I hear you pussies out in LA, you can't even box a muzzy's head in for a chopped cheese at 3 a.m. The hell with that? Look at the menu here. They got anything you want. And some of them have tomatoes and lettuce in them you're getting your vitamins it's literally there's there's there's like areas in brooklyn

where i'm like how where do you go to shop yeah like where is the store there was when i was living in brooklyn there was one time i couldn't do laundry because there was a pit bull in front of my laundromat door not nobody owned it it had no collar it was just like fucking bowed up yeah and two black kids were trying to like grab it like they were trying to take it and it was just like trying to fuck them up and they were running away i was like i guess i'll just i don't know wear dirty clothes to work tomorrow yeah it's like what do you do yeah what do you like literally what do you do oh man it's a horrific city it's so hard i've never in my life gotten more fights with different ethnicities in one year than living in New York.

I got in a fight with a Hasidic guy. Something that's never happened out here. Oh, my God. Was he that guy in the famous video where he's like, stop playing that? So the guy playing is like violin. He's like, you call yourself an artist? I was an artist. You draw on an iPad.

Sad drawings by Jace, huh? Well, I inherited my family's brownstone, and I play the clarinet sometimes. I'm an artist, too. I've been drilling outside a 95-year-old woman's apartment to get her to move out of rent control. Fuck you. You're a loser.

Joe, you have a beer? I inherited 300 apartments and yeah, I have legal complaints on every single one of those because people need heat in the winter. Oh, man. Yeah, seeds. We only have them here in like a couple blocks.

They're all out in the west side. Canters and shit. They're probably dying this week. It's been like 105 every day in LA. Oh, yeah, with yeah. Canters and shit. And they don't even keep, they don't even keep. They're probably dying this week. It's been like 105 every day in LA. Oh yeah, with their top hats on and shit. They're all dressed like fucking Bing Crosby doing a big song and dance. With their giant beards and their curls.

Fucking doing a big, doing singing in the rain. About to dance with Ginger Rogers. Yeah, exactly. Fucking Abbott and costello routine wearing man's first wheel on their head for some reason a big stone wheel oh man no i gotta i gotta fight with a guy i think i told you this before i was in williamsburg and i was moving i went to literally i needed boxes so i went to a place called The Box Store which was selling boxes. It was acidic. It was in Williamsburg.

And I walk in and I go to the guy. I go, I need about 10 boxes. He goes, we have no boxes here. And it was like, I swear like a cartoon. Bunch of boxes. 20 foot wall of boxes directly behind. These are for our coins. What do you expect?

We can't keep all the golden pouches. They need to be in the box. How do you expect me to get the coin star without these bucks? Just a cynic Jew cashing in millions of dollars at a coin star. Arguing over the percentage that they take. Dropping in one penny at a time. Just there for days. He doesn't trust the counter.

He's like marking it on a big abacus. Modakai, I dropped two pennies. Move two beats over. A service fee? The fuck is a service fee? I would like all of my coins back immediately. Well, technically I did the service. I put the coins in. I collected them.

I put them in the in. I collected them. I put them in the boxes. I collected them. I'm a Hasidic Jew with a speech impediment. What's your problem? Joe Pesci, Hasidic Jew. A lot of them have a lisp or something going on. It's probably because they still got that

fucking baby dick. The baby breath dried in their tongue. The rabbis dried in their tongue. The rabbis do put the foreskin around their uvula and just let it dry around it. I wonder if they ever keep it under their lip like a zin. Yeah, you can go to the

store in Williamsburg and just buy little tubs of foreskins. Baby skins. Yeah, little baby skins. Baby hides. Just spitting stem cell juice into a styrofoam cup. Brother, I love being Jewish. Boy, I just love reading from right to left.

Let me tell you, boy. I tell you, you ever tried staring at the right side of the page? Let me tell you, brother. It staring at the right side of the page brother it's like reading manga japanese manga you ever read a book with a big stick you ever put one of them them thermometers out front your door the jewish demons don't get in brother i tell you there ain't nothing i like more than taking a big wooden circle and pushing it down the street with us with a big comb just last week brother i was shaving my wife's head putting a wig on her so she could you know walk to the store respectably she's 16 yeah we make her wear a wool coat yeah yeah just the other day me and my grandpappy cutting the heads off of chickens

waving around kids heads down by canner's deli being real dicks about people get mad at it every character now in the show is a southern what if this guy was southern well it's unfortunately it's it's when i meet you guys so it's just black guys meeting yeah country guy yeah i mean it's the best accent ever the The country guy. Did you see that guy in Mississippi trying to fly his plane into the Walmart? I heard about this this morning. What was happening? I don't know.

He finally landed. He stole a private jet and was just flying it around for hours. He wanted to crash into a Walmart. Dude, I love that. He's like, the code red is more expensive than usual. I will not land this plane until the price of Redman goes down. Yeah, I told you, brother. Walmart up the price of their Redmines.

I'm about to fly a plane into that sumbitch. Bring the AR-15 back. Bring me the head of Sam Walton. They were sold out of Eminem's new album. You believe that shit? The clean version. I'm going to hijack a plane and fly it into them sons of bitches. I saw a meme the other day that said a soldier asked Eminem for an autograph.

And he said, sure, if I can get yours first. That's why I like his music, brother. Brother. I've seen that meme maybe 25 times his music, brother. Brother. I've seen that meme maybe 25 times. Oh, yeah. And then the whole black community is like, Eminem just for people that are in the military. And then all the white people are like,

yeah, if you're in the military, it's fucking amazing. I love being in the military. I love being in the military. My fucking head got blown off. I can't hug my kids without trying to kill them. God, the military is great for me. I speak out of my shoulder now. I love this country. I'll serve this country

no matter what. As long as I can hear Nate Dogg on the hook while I'm blasting children. Yo, left. Yo, left. Right, left. Oh, yeah. The amount of Iraqi children who were sniped to just shake that ass, left. Oh, yeah. The amount of Iraqi children who were sniped to just like shake that ass. Oh, God.

Yeah, I know. Yeah, it's like Apocalypse Now, but they're just playing the worst like 2004. Yeah, it's just like you just hear like put anthrax on a tampax. You too. You can't. Yeah, it's the beginning of Apocalypse Now, but instead of the doors playing, it's Let's Get Retarded. Yeah, you can just...

Shirtless guy punching the fucking mirror. Just a three-eyed Asian baby running out of the woods. Let's get retarded in here. Yeah, just... You're so 2000... I'm so 2008. You're so 2008.

I got that boom, boom, bow. Baby's head just turns into dust to mist. Bow, bow, bow. Oh, God. Just bombing a Yemeni wedding like, Tonight's gonna be a good night. Tonight's gonna be a good, good night. Run! Run!

They're like, all right, I'm not gonna kill you. Party rockers in the house tonight. They're like, Target is located. Should I go? And they're like, is located. Should I go and they're like wait for the drop the year the year Skrillex drop just casualties doubled in Afghanistan.

You just hear like what? Oh my God, whatever that somebody called nine one one. Yeah, the dude blasting pause for porno as he busts down a door of Iraqi families home. He accidentally blows the brains of his grandfather out.

He doesn't have time to switch the song before he goes in, so he's just listening to Ken Kniff while blowing up the family. Blowing the hinges off a door and I know a kid standing right behind it. Yeah, now you suck. Now pass it to Ken. Getting tortured at Abu Ghraib is fucking without me

place. While my dick by Mickey Avalon is plastic. Hey, you're crazy, as they rape Iraqi women. Yo dick look like two fries. My dick like super sized.

It's 1,000%. What does that song go? The layup song? 1,000% dedicated power of will. Oh yeah, yeah, the fourth minor. They're like, remember the name. 1,000% hustle, 50% pain. 100% reason to remember the name

they're playing the numb encore remix as they bomb hasbulla or hasbulla whatever the fuck i'm an idiot goddamn just trying to think of names i'm just like yeah as they bombed uh fucking tabooly remember that big invasion of Tabooli Palace? Remember when they bombed Zancu Chicken? Dude. Oh, my God. Remember that carpet bombing of Cuba Day?

I go, wait, is that? No, never mind. That's what I got last night. Oh, fuck. Oh, man, I'm heated. God, I love that type of stuff. God damn. I love that stuff i love i love it

when we just get caught in riffs like that keep me alive brother when we just get caught in a deathly riff can i get another foreskin let me get another foreskin it's like you're riding the wave big big wave surfing you know you're just trapped in that in that tube oh how do we what do we oh yeah so the guy the guy at Walmart, the guy trying to fly his plane into Walmart. Do you remember the guy who stole that plane and then committed suicide in it? Yeah, in the Alaska Airlines plane. Oh, in Seattle?

Yeah. Yes. That kicked ass. That was awesome. That dude ruled. That was one of the coolest people of all time. He was. That guy was honestly a legend.

Yeah. There's a clip because he does a fucking he does a flip. A barrel roll. Is that what they call it when you go all the way around? I thought he did a sideways barrel roll. I think he might have did a loop-de-loop while doing like a barrel roll. Yeah. And you hear

the pilots are talking about it over the radio and then you hear one of the pilots go yeah Roger he just did a barrel roll loop-de-loop over the lake. He cleared it by about 15 feet and then you hear mother pets go uh yeah roger he just did a barrel uh loop loop over the lake he cleared it by about 15 feet and then you hear mission you hear the air tower go really he's like he's like really he's like you landed the 900 they're all trying they're like oh damn they know they're they know it's being recorded so they can't say like that's fucking awesome they were like he pulled that off yeah it turns into like an. No, they were like, he pulled that off? Yeah.

It turns into like an X Games announcer. They're like, huge barrel roll by the guy who stole a plane trying to kill himself. Well, the negotiator the whole time was going just like, because he was just a guy that worked at the airport. He was just like a baggage handler or something. Yeah, yeah. He worked at like Horizon, I think. Yeah, like a company at the airport. He was the guy who had the cones that he was waving. Oh, he was just a cone think like a yeah like a company he was the guy who he had the cones that he was just a cone guy so so he was he was flying around and they were like okay um sir

so to your right there's going to be a you know the mechanism to accelerate he goes he goes no i i've uh i i played i i had a flight simulator i know what i'm doing yeah he's like i kind of know what i'm doing and and they were, I kind of know what I'm doing. They were just like, what the fuck? But he did. He was the best pilot. He was an ace. He taught it. He was like Top Gun.

He had the two and a half minutes to reach the target. Exactly. He was doing maneuvers that have never been done. He was doing flips. He signed a deal with Etnies right after. Yeah, doing the breathing. He's better than Denzel in flight.

Here it is. Oh, sick. Play the audio for me. This is the audio, yeah. Yeah. That's a 747. Yes. That's an Alaska a 747 That's a Alaska Airlines 747 Oh by the way yeah

Wasn't he also He was very casual Yes He was up there like He's like I might stop By Whataburger Like he's just like Being real cool

Didn't act like he was Gonna kill himself But he was totally suicidal He wanted to kill himself After he survived that flip Which is like being real cool. Didn't act like he was going to kill himself, but he was totally suicidal. He wanted to kill himself. After he survived that flip, which is considered an impossible maneuver by pilots, by many pilots, they started going like, okay, why don't you take that thing back down and we'll tell you how to land it. And he goes, to be honest, I kind of was hoping that that was it. I'm kind of shocked that I was able to do that.

Yeah, he was like, wow, I keep, he's like, I might have a career in this. Yeah. He's like, I might have to land this thing and get a job. What even goes, he's like, you might want to land that thing. He goes, yeah, I could land it, go to jail, or just go out in a blaze of glory, you know? Man. Be a way to go, wouldn't it? Most rational man alive.

That guy should have been president. A free man. Really? I mean, if you're gonna like kill yourself like that's the way you're going to jail for a long time yeah well i mean he clearly i think just wanted to kill himself yeah but he did it the coolest way once i heard nobody was on the plane i was like exactly i was like do what you got to do what you got to do brother right as long as you don't fly it into downtown Seattle.

Right. You don't go like that Norwegian pilot who just went insane and flew into that mountain. Do you remember that? No. That was from what, Joey? Like 2012? This pilot just went insane. Yeah.

I think Norwegian Air is something like that. They're just flying around the Alps. Other pilot leaves the cockpit. And they changed the rule because of this for all airlines cockpit automatically locks so the pilot was locked out he just like turned the thing that you're like you're locked out yeah the guy just starts fucking nose to the ground just like free fall for like five minutes nobody can get in because it's it's for oh no to stop terrorism just five minute descent straight into

like the fucking like uh ridge of a mountain packed flight packed flight like 300 souls killed 300 people yeah why didn't we not hear about this it was on the it was on the what year i want to say like 2013 something like that's with norwegian they're either like all the mass murderers they're either popping out of the water and killing people or they're popping out of the sky and killing people. They hate land. They hate land death. They're like the Marines for killing people. They'll like skydive out of a plane

and just shoot up a party. Have you noticed that real quick before we watch this footage? I feel like we're getting pretty laxed with our 9-11 laws on the planes. You got to go through a bunch of hullabaloo at the TSA hullabaloo. What am I like? Kiss the cook. That was one of the terrorist names, by the way.

Akbar hullabaloo. We knew he was up to no good. Yeah, George Bush comes out, he's like, you know, we knew his name, he said it in his name, a bunch of Hullabaloo happened today. He's talking about 9-11. Yeah, Hullabaloo, Hasbulla was there.

But it's, I walk onto planes now, and you can see the pilots, and the doors open. Yeah. You can like wait, and they're like talking to you. It's very 90s again, and it's making me nervous.

Lock it up. Well, as you enter. Yeah, but then even at the front, I don't know. Like wallets in air? No, but I've seen the stewardesses go into the cockpit wallets in the air. I've seen that, yeah. And I'm like, well, that, I don't even like that. Have a walkie talkie.

You're like, I'll rush the cockpit right now just to teach everybody a lesson if the oh yeah exactly yeah if the pilots need something from a flight attendant they should have a little like mailbox that you could like hand stuff like the restaurants in really bad neighborhoods exactly where they have the glass box exactly that that thing so i can get new ports without getting stabbed when you're at a Kennedy fried chicken in Brooklyn. What is Kennedy fried chicken, by the way? How do they not get sued by KFC? I know.

It's just fried chicken, but you might get stabbed to death. It's always bulletproof glass, the turning thing. It's great. Yeah, it's like a Brinks truck delivering chicken. Yeah, it's the movie Ambulance, but for a chicken place. But yeah, I don't know. I guess you guys haven't noticed that, but I feel like it's since 9-11, like now.

They're very jokey now, which I don't like. I don't like that. I hate the jokes. The pilots have all these gags with the people. They're like hibachi chefs now. They're going to spray soy sauce on me. I know, I'm like, what the fuck is this? I mean.

They're going to do the little choo-choo train. My radar is up. Is this Betty Hanna or Delta? Stop trying to impress me. Southwest is the best, or the worst, because the stewardess, the rapping? Oh, you've never heard a stewardess rap? No.

Southwest, they'll rap. I would take the plane over. Dude. Yeah, me too. What was your experience? What set you off? I would fly Southwest, and they would always like this stand-up routine like memorized yes but they go through all these jokes and they're like people are hooting and hollering slapping their knees

southwest is like the improv troop of the airlines like they're they're very like it's like ucb yeah you go on southwest i think it's true to throw their name in a bucket yeah yeah and american is real like come on you just you know act right you're an american yeah come on and united is like is there an asian doctor on this like because we are gonna fucking pummel him we use asian doctors to fuel the plane it's like actually yeah the fuel is asian doctors just shoving him in like it's the titanic just big coal room yeah that was the best footage ever. He was squealing. Yeah, yeah. They were dragging him through the hall.

And then, yeah, he's just playing dead. Yeah, he's pretending to be dead. Knowing he's about to get the biggest lawsuit settlement of all time. Oh, I know. Oh, God. Glasses, best glasses hanging off his nose like that. He's just going, oh! Oh!

He drew two X's on his eyes like a cartoon character he had like a like a like a cartoon medical bag on his head like he had a bunch of piano keys for teeth he let a fruit by the foot just hang out of his mouth like his tongue's dangling out yeah with an x at the end yeah big, big Steve Marne arrow through his head. All right, let's watch this fucking legend. Let's watch this hero go. He's like, yeah, I wasn't trying to land it. He's like figuring it out as it goes.

He doesn't show this is not that hard. Yeah, I feel like I could fly a plane pretty easily. Well, if Frank Abagnale Jr. can do it, I think I can do it. I heard that they really, we actually work for a guy that flew planes for a long time. Like a professional pilot, helicopter pilot. Unfortunately, I had to talk to him about the Kobe stuff. He knew the guy. He knew the pilot. He knew the pilot.

He was like, yeah, that guy fucked up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that guy, what did he say happened? The guy flew manually. He flew manually and he said he never would have flown that day and he could have landed like 10 different times. They had like 10 different times to land. He doesn't, and he said he never would have flown that day, and he could have landed like 10 different times. They had like 10 different times to land. He doesn't know why they didn't just land.

Had nothing to do with Kobe. There was not like, they don't let that happen. It's not like there's like pressuring the pilot. The pilot was just doing it. He said he thought it was because the pilot, and he did know the guy was probably like, I got to get Kobe Bryant there. Yes, exactly.

Kobe Bryant, even though Kobe said nothing. Right. Just the implied pressure of kobe bryant's existence they flew over they flew over glendale for like 20 minutes and so how did it come word how did it come out of the sky or did it fly into the mountain flew right into the mount he said that he said that disoriented up he said the guy got disoriented in the fog so pretty much what happened what he was explaining he thought it was a way yeah and i think one of the things one of the you know the the propellers hit the mountain and then it's like going out of control and one of the things that was really fascinating to me was the way he described

like when you get in that situation your perception's all fucked up so thing like left is right right is left up up is down and so like you don't you stop um really knowing which direction you're headed and you're surrounded by a cloud right and he said it just like by the time he figured it out by the time he figured out you're in front of a mountain yeah he just went straight he just panicked and and but tried to pull up but it's he tried pulling up but it was too late and he said that uh it's really because he wasn't flying on you could it's it's like he says almost everybody flies automatic you're just which is like computer guy the pilots are just there to be alive and handle like landing and breaking off once it's going and they find the right

altitude it flies itself you just put the GPS on yeah so he said that almost every helicopter pilot does that too but this guy loved to fly manually. He was known to fly manually. He was a known manual guy. Known manual guy. He was up there jacking off and killed seven people. And my hero, scumbag.

Vanessa just won a huge settlement from the LAPD, so that's nice. It's kind of worth it. Her last game was great. She played yeah that's nice no it's kind of worth it yeah it's all yeah i'm great yeah she was that her last game was great she played great yeah just keep keeping the name alive and you know i just saw a picture today i'd never seen this before but apparently like somebody tweeted uh kobe was so good that the al-qaeda was wearing his jerseys and there is a video yeah it's true of a guy wearing a kobe jersey like wearing a Kobe jersey shooting an

air-to-ground missile. I post it every 9-11, I think. I've never seen it. Oh, it's great. I was like, this is the hardest pick of all time. He's holding a grenade launcher, and he's shooting at the I think he's shooting at the Taliban, actually. He's a good guy. He's one of the good guys.

Anyone out there can just be a fighter. It's not like you go sign up at the mall. You don't go see Top Gun and then get a Wetzel's pretzel and sign up for the fight. You just kind of walk out of your cave and you're like, yeah, give me that.

He's wearing a Kobe jersey and he's firing a missile at a tank. Yelling Kobe while he's doing it. Kobe! Kobe! Oh, the dog's going crazy. What the hell? Oh my god, hopefully it kills somebody.

We got the dogs barking out there. That'd be awesome if somebody got attacked by a dog right now. Yeah, if on the podcast a dog came in and killed all of us. That'd be crazy. And everyone watches our slow demise as we all bleed out over the course of an hour. Dude, crazy live stream. Hey, that would get numbers. Start seeing the hearts go up. Maybe that's

how we get this podcast to take off. We all get attacked by a dog. The cry laugh emoji. That's for like the 10,000 Patreon subs. Somebody gets attacked by a live dog. No protection. We just start doing jackass shit. If we get to 10,000 patrons, we'll let Jace get attacked by a live dog. No protection. We just start doing jackass shit. If we get to 10,000 patrons,

we'll let Jace get attacked by a dog. If we hit 5,000 subs, we're going to shoot Joey in the thigh. How you doing, Joey? Quite good. I've been seeing these all over the place. Is this a specific brand of vape?

It's a new type of vape that Devin and I went to Vape Row, which is on Wall Street. Is it like a street full of just vape vapers? It's a block of probably fake vapes that these people, these scam artists sell. Me and the boy went down to Vape Row. This Indian guy sold jelly jelly a fucking bill of goods yeah it's called the snow wolf and it like leaks

vape oil into your mouth that's like LA's version of Broadway but I'm not a 10 pack you go have an Indian guy sell you a bunch of shitty vapes you just hear cash only but I'm not a 10 pack and I'm stuck with them so now I'm just getting nicotine poisoning

cause the fucking fluid drips into my lungs. Well, that's what I've been seeing. Like, the young people vaping, it's all those type of cartridges where they're, like, colorful. They're all little tiny square things. Well, that's just the marketing. They're all copying each other. They're all scumbags.

It's all the same. Is it because Juul outlawed all the flavors, so they switched to that one? I think so. Yeah. I think Juul outlawed Jewel, right? Or are they still around? Yeah, Jewel's illegal, I think.

But why? John has the Views thing, and that's still around. That's like the same as a fucking Jewel. I don't really get it. Well, they regulated flavored vape oil because the claim was that it's being marketed to kids. To kids, right. They said the Americana smelled too delicious.

Exactly. You're covering up the Cinnabon smell. God forbid kids have a nice peach-flavored head high right before they get shot in class. Outlaw that. Anyway, I'm a lib. Outlaw that. Also Biden outlawing Newports, basically.

He did. Very racist of him. What's next? Lemonade? Ribs? Cadillacs? New Biden law. You can only own three sneakers at one time.

Joe Biden announces only three pairs of Jordans per household. White tees will be worn by size. No double, triple XL. What a racist. That's like the 94 crime bill all over again no more new ports yeah jesus christ that's crazy like camel crushes are fine those are cool god what the fuck it's like it's like he passed an entire law dedicated to uh fucking over omar from the wire what is Prop Joe going to do now? You can't own a shotgun and be gay.

One or the other, Omar. All right, let's watch this fucking main event. We keep trying to watch this guy. We're like, not interesting enough. Get to it, suicidal hijacker. Do first.

See what it can do before I put her down, you know? Get to it, suicidal hijacker! God, such beautiful land. Washington's so gorgeous. I threw up a little bit. Shoot threw up a little bit. I, uh... Shoot. Man, I'm sorry about this. I hope this doesn't ruin your day. Consider it, sweetheart.

Just flying the plane around, do you seem comfortable with that? Oh, hell yeah, it's a blast, man. I played video games before, so... This would be me stealing a plane. Dude, this is like his Star Fox. And you can see all the terrain around you. You've got no issue with visibility or anything?

No, everything's peachy. He's like, it's gorgeous, brother. Don't know why Cobain killed himself. I'm actually going to land this thing. I'm going to go to trade school. I got a new lease on life. I know. Working at the airport is depressing, man.

Sometimes you got to take one of these things up into the sky, do a couple flips, figure out the meaning of life. I really needed this, guys. He threw a ball inside of his vest. He's like, guys, I just want to thank you for letting me hijack this Alaska Airlines plane.

Guys, is there an ox cord in this thing? I want to play Steely Dan. Is there an ox cord in this thing? I want to play Steely Dan. Is there an ox cord here? I'd love to play Aja before I take it down. I have no idea what all that means.

I wouldn't know how to punch it in. Oh, there's like fucking F-14s around. So they sent F-14s to like make sure he's okay. What if he starts

driving towards a building and they're just going to shoot him down? But then he still crashes into like houses probably. Yeah, fuck them. Bunch of lazy bozos

eating Kraft macaroni and cheese watching the fucking voice. Die! You know, screwing up everyone else's day. We can't let him hit the Prudential building. I love how considerate he is. He's like, I just really, I feel like I'm really fucking with everyone's day.

I didn't mean it. I was like, guys, I'm just going through something. It's a real suicidal guy move. Well, you can tell he has like social anxiety. That's probably why he did it. He's killing himself because he's like, guys, I get nervous talking to strangers. I know I wasn't nervous enough to not hijack a plane, but I'm a little nervous talking to you. You guys have like, you go, I'm really impressed by everything you do.

I just hate talking on the phone. The only time I feel like myself is when I'm up in the sky in a stolen cockpit. Flying $5 million of stolen metal through the sky. How did he wind up, where did he crash?

Just like into the woods? Into like a mountain. Yeah, something like that. Yeah, just in nature. Where's a big mountain? How much is one plane like that? Where did he crash? Just like into the woods? Into like a mountain. Yeah, something like that. Yeah. Just in nature. How much is a big mountain? How much is one plane like that? What does that cost?

Probably five million. Wow. I think if that's a 747, I think more than five. I know the cheapest jet you can buy is like 1.5 million. So yeah, you're probably right. It's probably like 10 or 20. Yeah. I was looking into buying a jet.

Same. Can a rich... That into buying a jet. Same. Can a rich... That Tesla really went to your head. Can a rich civilian, like if you have like, you know, hundreds of millions of dollars, can you buy a 747

and be like, I'm starting my own airline? Yeah, you can. Yeah. Howard Hughes did that essentially, right? Yeah. It's called like Jeff Airways.

Chuck's. Chuck. Essentially, right? It's called like Jeff Airways. Chucks. Chuck. You can buy fighter jets if you have enough money. Really? And what do you do with those? Take out your enemies? Well, what people do is they start like a mercenary company. So it's like Blackwater.

Oh, so you can freelance your fighter jet. Yeah. They should do that instead of swatting. Just like teenagers making money on Twitch. They start buying fighter jets and they start like fucking firebombing their enemies. Yeah. Hassan in a fighter jet. Hassan Piper killing Sam Hyde in a fighter jet.

You see Sam Hyde just like with a fucking heat seeking missile. Has Hassan responded to Sam? Because Sam's going hard with that. I don't know. I think he called the cops and everybody was mad at him. Hassan called the cops on him? For what? He was trying to kill him, basically.

But Hassan's like a big Black Lives Matter. Sure, the cops love Hassan. Hassan is like the Chris D'Elia of politics. Sam just had a really good fight. Incredibly talented, great man. Incredibly talented. Sam Hyde's fight that he just did was actually kind of amazing. the crystal of politics sam just had a really good incredibly talented great man incredibly talented sam hyde's fight that he just did was actually kind of amazing he has he has great punching power he's great yeah and he he timed himself it was three three minute rounds yeah and he just let

his opponent get tired he's very smart he's very tough himself he's like ali and then went in at the end of every round and got him well no so no. So he maybe lost the first round, and then the second round went by, and then just letting his opponent get tired because the guy was swinging for the fences. Some dude named IamThompson. And then just in the third round, he's just like, all right, now he's tired. I waited. I saw that he was going to be tired. And then he just started picking him apart, punching him in the face,

and the ref just stopped it. Right, TKO. It was like, yeah, standing, eight count. He's been in great shape. I've seen the training videos. The training videos are crazy. I love Sammy Boy. I mean, I'm sure he's a little upset that he had to learn all his moves from, you know, black men.

He looks like a great fighter. Yeah. Yeah. He wasn't good, but I thought he was going to look way worse. And he looked, like, good for Sam Hyde. He's, like, fighter. Yeah. Yeah. He wasn't good, but like I thought he was going to look way worse and he looked like good for Sam Hyde. He's like doing a Kaufman thing. Yeah. He's like,

he's trying to do like an Andy Kaufman, like, like to him, women are Twitch streamers like Hassan. And so he's like trying to beat the shit out of like the new version of women, which are those guys. And he did a very brilliant.

It's kind of brilliant. And it's all you see Jake Paul making like a hundred million bucks on these dumb fights. And then he, he won it. And he had a very brilliant it's kind of brilliant and it's all you see jake paul making like 100 million bucks on these dumb fights and then he he won it and he had a very funny post-fight uh speech what did sam win money in that fight well he got paid a purse and so i don't know what it was yeah there's usually a purse if you win versus losing right right huh but it was like an appearance you know but he's funny enough to where if he keeps winning against bigger people like he could actually make a lot of money on that i think yeah oh yeah like if he got a fight with one of the paul brothers or something yeah which would be fucking that's where he wants to get to i hope he gets to that point that'd be on the flights he fights floyd

mayweather yeah yeah it's like a fucking 200 pound difference. Yeah. He was just mad that the sweet science wasn't race science. I love Sam. I don't know. I, you know, I'm just,

we're just making surface. I don't really know. He was pretty, he was pretty unfairly. Oh, at adult swim. He was very unfairly treated, you know,

and he's made some of the like funniest stuff. Him at the, the sketch of him at the gym, like just a random unfairly treated. And he's made some of the funniest stuff. The sketch of him at the gym, just a random gym in LA, and he's going, chick, chick, boom! And then he's pulling the bar all the way down and then just letting it explode,

knock the machine over. My favorite was the wine sketch. It's like that gut laughter. The funniest. Belly, belly. Like Nick Roquefort. Rutherford. Rutherutherford i think it's roque roque okay my apologies um love that guy i think he's so funny yeah yeah he's just like a

fucking used car salesman he just owns a car dealership hilarious yeah and then charles i don't know what's going on with charles charles i think he quit entertainment shot up at uvalde school recently i'm not sure but uh yeah anyway he's's from the capital. Yeah, but the fact that just Tim Heidecker and a bunch of Hollywood guys just conspired to make him lose his show. It's like, why would I not immediately think that he's being unfairly treated when those

people go that far with him? Which sucks because it was all guys. They're threatened that he was doing their type of stuff, but in his own way. Yeah, it sucked because it was all guys I liked as a kid, like Heidecker and Brett Gelman and all those guys. I was like, oh, these guys are hilarious. I never understood the Brett Gelman stuff. I mean, when I was 18, I liked it.

What did he do, though? He would take his shirt off and talk about getting raped. He was a young man. I was a young man. I also thought if you masturbate, you go to hell. I was off on a lot of things that year. I wasn't young man. I was just, I thought, I also thought if you masturbate, you go to hell. So, cut me right. I was off on a lot of things that year. I wasn't attacking you. I'm literally wondering, what does Brett Gelman Domicides be cast in stuff?

Gelman, he had a very funny scene in The Other Guys. He had a very funny scene. Right, when he's like, fuck my wife. Yeah, you want to fuck my wife? Yeah. That was funny. Yeah, that is. He had a funny sketch that he did with Tim Heidecker, too.

I thought it was funny. But Sam Hyde, I think, is actually a good guy. I'm not even kidding. He said crazy stuff that has offended people. I know he is. He's been very sweet to me. My instinct is he's a good guy. Sam used to coach me

through comedy. Before I met you, when I was making videos and I was like 19 20 21 he like hit me up and i guess people were sending him my videos and he was like super sweet to me and he was like really complimentary of my stuff and uh he would just we'd talk like a lot on like facebook and then he had me uh i sent some ideas for a book he was making which i later found out was called how

to bomb the u.s government realized it was like not really a coherent book it's more so a manifesto that he's leaving behind uh at some point uh whenever he does whatever he's planning on doing and uh but no i'm kidding i i but he's he was he was awesome he was like he would like even tell me stuff that he he's not he doesn't But back then, it made a little more sense. But he'd be like, you should be doing SNL. You should be trying to do all that type of stuff. You should be saying the N-word more. He's like, say it.

Yeah, he's like, drop it. Say it a little more. That's what he taught you. No, I have personal evidence the guy is a good person. And I think they're great. I like MDE a lot. Jace, what do you have to say? I think they're great. I like MDE a lot. I think they're great. I think everybody's great.

They really got in trouble for the unaired sketch, right? Where it was the guy pushing the stone up a mountain. I get what you're doing. It's an abstract punk thing, but there was also part of me like, eh. I understood where

he was trying to come from but the final product you're like yeah yeah the reaction to some of his stuff is so ridiculous to me because it's like all right so he went for something it was a little distasteful that's as far as he ever got to me well it's like it's a little distasteful not worth getting fucking uh railroaded over no no i yeah i completely agree with that like the rock thing it's like it's like you're kind of like, well, can you, I get what you're going for, can you, like, put it in a context where maybe you're showing the sketch to somebody and they're, like,

having difficulties with it so it's not as just, like, here's a blank thing that my audience has to deal with and smart people like us are like, oh, I get you're doing, like, some meta commentary on what people think you're doing. He never had a child suck a dick, sell a sandwich like a dick. But 60% of your audience is probably like, yeah, that's right. Jews control all the money and Mexicans are lazy.

It wasn't open-ended enough and witty enough. It was a little too like, well, it was like if you watch it and you don't know him, you're like, this is the race comedy. This is a racist sketch. Yeah. He did a lot of tone deaf stuff. I don't think it was malicious, but he just didn't understand. i'm also not gonna be hated by these groups exactly and it's like it's also you're allowed to kind of be tone deaf when you are a troll like

half of his shit his shtick was going to you know like anime conventions and ted talks talking about how like everyone is mentally challenged there right like you know his ted talk video is i mean that is hilarious it's also it's also so cringy that it makes me uncomfortable i can barely watch it my favorite what that they did the mde guys is when they went to uh i think they went to like williamsburg and they like crashed like a like a like an alt comedy show and he was just he was up there saying that like gay people shouldn't. Just doing the most inflammatory thing you could do. He's doing a silly character. But he's always trying to be funny.

That's the point. Most of the time. He loves good comedy. Sam has great taste. There was one where he went to a DSA meeting and he's trying to talk to people. People are trying to kick him out. He's like, see, the thing is, brother, when you realize the man is trying to subjugate us, like you, you know, all these fine white women around.

I was like, that's like one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Yeah. All right. Well, anyway, he hijacked this Alaska Airlines flight, and this is him. Yeah, it was a bit. Let's just watch the Nell Boy milk his dog. Yeah. but we're gonna keep the goal clear this one way first and four four six can we just shut down

i'm uh i'm down to 2100 i started like 30 something he's like this is crazy he's like i'm starting to feel like i'm flying a plane 2 100 pounds of fuel left yeah uh i don't know what the burn burn itch burnout is like on uh Which burnout is like on takeoff, but yeah, it burned quite a bit faster than I expected. Yes, sir, we have to deal with this. There is the runway just off your right side in about a mile. Do you see that? He's like, where's New York? Hey, guys, can you give me the direction of New York City? Hey, do you guys know, have they finished building the Freedom Tower yet?

Where's that mosque? Either way, I'm going to crash into it. If it's the mosque, even better. American pride, brother. That would be a baller move. Flies it into a mosque. The revenge. 9-11-2, the revenge.

The reckoning. An American does a domestic terrorist act on a mosque. A guy hijacks a plane and flies it into the Taj Mahal. Doesn't even understand. He's like, those damn Muslims! Flies it into Delhi. He's like,

they're a Hindu. Yeah. Yeesh! We get the point. He flies it and he has a fun time. And now It's like, oh. Yeesh. Anyway, we get the point. He flies it, and he has a fun time. Yeah, he flies it. And now he's been dead for 10 years. He's been dead.

He is dead. Yes. He doesn't have to go through our hell. Now he's rotting in actual hell. He's a lucky, lucky man. I'll tell you that. I want to get into this a little bit, because old Benjamin, your brother, he came over and he showed me this. What video?

It's Mike Birbiglia has a new one-man show out. Oh, great. And the trailer, it made us both like fall on the floor laughing. Do you want to, how long are we? We'll wrap it up. Okay. Yeah, we're at an hour.

Sorry, I just always, I'm worried about getting heat stroke. We got Okay. Yeah. We're at an hour. Eight. Sorry. I just always I'm worried about getting heat stroke. We got to get out. We got to go outside. We're all going to die soon. But I also realized halfway through the podcast, I took a shower before I came here. I forgot to put deodorant on. So I'm like, so I don't smell you.

All right. I think you're great. I'm talking to men, but still. Yeah. I'm like a football coach in 2004 in Mississippi. Half the team dies of heat stroke. Yeah. You're just being a salt tablet so you can do an extra hour of the pod. Water breaks after those laps, boys.

Boone rally, boys. Boone rally. We're all sucking from those nipples they put on the ice. Did you have those growing up? What is it? It was an ice chest with water in it. It had like plastic cow nipples off the side. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We did have those. Yeah, we did. Yeah. It was an ice chest with water in it. It had plastic cow nipples off the side. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We did have those. Yeah, we did. Yeah. It was humiliating. Yeah. All right. Anyway, yeah. Show us this Cucks trailer.

Mike Rubiglia is a magical comedy creature. He doesn't win that show, but it's like the jokes are so good. Wow, the red carpet, the Sklar brothers. Jason Nash. He's like, I was dying, I can't take it. You're swimming like a duck. He's so awkward. That's Danny Jaws.

Oh, we like Danny. Is Danny dating Rachel Bloom? No, he was just in her show, I think. Oh, that's right. That's right. Okay. Danny's very, very funny. Look at him.

He's just wishing he was anywhere else. He's so good at putting stories together. To me, it's like he's a magician. There are a lot of themes that I feel like people are afraid of. I think Mike Perviglia is a very talented guy, by the way. He was one of the first comedians I got into. Just these shots of him

fake swimming. He's just been the biggest cheese dick ever. It's so cheesy. He's just gone into that territory of like, and that's when I realized that depression was real. It's like you're actually a cold sociopath. Yeah, it's the same thing as the other guy. Shane got in trouble for going after kind kind of the guy with the glasses getherd yes exactly he's like chris gethard yeah for bigley is west coast gethard but actually i guess he

lives in new york i don't know but yeah but they're they're very this they're very similar i just i just hate the pretending of the cringe and awkward and like if you've ever like if you know comedy enough to listen to him like when he's on opiate anthony and he's like fighting with rich voss or like it's hearing the stories about how he made it big it's like you're very cold calculating which is perfect for you but like yeah stop pretending you're this awkward sauce he also is red humor guy on o and a it's like it's it's not he's not great at busting chops no like it's kind of uncomfortable yeah like you know you're getting beaten down by rich foss rich foss is like a legend in terms of like off the cuff shit but yeah he would just

keep trying to make fun of his voice and it was like uh this is like the difference between like i don't know i don't know how else to say it like street comics right like like like where it's not it's just it's in their bones and you're a performer, kind of. I don't know how to say it. Down syndrome versus autistic guy. Rich Foss. Down syndrome always wins, because they'll tear your head off. Autistic guys have manners and shit. Down syndrome strength.

Rich Foss is so dumb that he's like one of those animals in the wilderness who have a pattern on their fur that looks like a plant that another animal wants to eat, but then they have a stinger that gets you once you try to eat it. And so like, oh, here's an idiot. Let's just attack him. Yeah, Rich Voss is like a bee. He's like, I'll fucking sting you and then, oh, I die. For God's

sake. Did you see that? Did you see that clip? Very recent clip of Louis getting mad at Rich Voss? It's like 30 seconds long. No. Where Louis is just like explaining something and then Rich Voss is like, yeah, no, that's like when you book at a club and the club you show up, you know, and then they sort of just start to move on

and Louis just immediately jumps in. He goes, no, nobody knows what you mean, Rich. That doesn't make any sense. You're a very dumb man. And he's like, like yes it does because of this and you're like god this guy from now because they're with a guy from nasa and he's like he literally has never talked to anyone as stupid as you yeah in 20 years oh i think i've seen yeah the guy with the mustache who does all the viral videos the guy's saying space oddity onity on the fucking satellite. Space Oddity?

David Bowie? No, no, no. The astronaut. The astronaut. He sung Space Oddity and it went viral. He was on the spaceship. Oh, he did? Yeah.

What are they? NASA, stop fucking wasting our money for their little dream. They're all playing Cowboys and Indians up in the sky. We get it. We went to the moon enough. Yeah. We're not living there.'re gonna die here and that's final i hate all the terraform mars stuff because it makes no sense to me like why wouldn't you just fix earth that's like got to be a thousand times easier than right

it's making a whole other planet earth it's as if it's the elitist solution to we'll let everyone die on Earth and we'll fly up to Mars and we'll live in bubbles. Like the Martian or whatever. I love the Martian. How did he do that? How did he live up there? All he did was he had like a canopy. It was a botanist. I thought you had to have like oxygen and stuff but all he

had was like a canopy. It looked like he was in Joshua Tree. He's on Mars. He used the power of science. He's like fucking up there Joshua Tree. He's on Mars. He used the power of science. Yeah, he's like fucking up there. He's just, it was crazy. Well, he had oxygen and then he was a botanist, so he took manure.

And he was shitting. No, he took the, like, because they, you have to shit in a spaceship and it gets stored somewhere. Took it, used it as fertilizer. Ate the shit.

Used it as fertilizer. That would be me if I was in that scenario. Just eating the shit and drinking my own piss. Just acting like you're lost in the woods. They would finally rescue me and my bones would be all warped and I couldn't walk anymore. I cut my own balls off in a haze one day. They're like, you had 600 pounds of potatoes. We found a bunch of rocks he shaped like a big fat woman that he had sex with.

All you do is jerk off, eat shit, drink piss. I'm like a retarded guy just in the apocalypse. He's fucking on Pornhub the whole time, just jacking off and eating his shit. Yeah, that's how they discovered me. We found somebody who keeps watching BBW porn on the old Land Rover. They're like, so he's stuck on Mars.

There's a whole boardroom of people. Like, how do we get him out of there? Like, what's he doing now? He's trying to survive. He's playing Counter-Strike. He's eating his own shit and playing Counter-Strike. Ah, fuck. He's on Twitch. He's actually getting a lot of followers.

Yeah, he's huge. He's huge. They loved watching him drink piss and play Counter-Strike. He's now one of those weird guys who pops up on your TikTok page who just lives in the middle of the country and has a horrible life. He's like, where does this guy live? And everyone's like, that's the Mars guy.

What a hack. FYP my ass. For your page. Suck my ass. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Show me 17-year-olds with huge tits.

Dumb for you, Paige. I want the real Sidney Sweeney, not the one they pretend is 17. Sidney Sweeney. Old Sidney Sweeney, not the one they pretend is 17. Sidney Sweeney. Oh, Sidney Sweeney. All right, let's call it. Let's wrap it up. Joey, do you have any announcements to make? Yeah.

I do. I've been waiting all episode for this. I can tell. You were a quiet weirdo the whole episode, just waiting to unleash your ejaculation. The riffs were coming in so rapid fire and so hot that I just didn't... Oh, shit.

Oh, yeah, the video crashed. The video crashed because it's literally so hot. Yeah, should we maybe hit stop record before that crash? Yeah, let's say stop. Okay. Anyway. All right, well, that's it. That's that.