Hate Watch with Devan Costa - Twerk Lab

Episode Date: May 6, 2024

Podcasting in the wild goes wrong once again, Devan's twerk lab, r/depressionmeals https://www.patreon.com/HateWatchPodcast

It's good to be in something from the ground floor. I came too late for that. I know But lately I'm getting the feeling that I came in at the end The best is over Many Americans I think feel that way Just fucking shit on me. You're already in one of those moods cost nothing. Yeah, you are You know he said he went to two bars earlier today. I had coffee with him at noon Yeah, me too. Yeah Connor was that we all had a nice lovely walk. Yeah, he tried to park his bike I saw that we should watch that. How about you all fucking suck?

Can we watch that on the pod? How about you try to park my bike? How about that? Why didn't buy it? Well, it's like you suck ass at it. No, I better be better than you. Huh? I better be better than you first. How about you love me? How about you try to love me? I said hate on you. How about that? How about you all try to love me instead of hate on me? We all love you. That's why we're doing this. I've actually shown better than you first. How about you love me? How about you try to love me? That's why we're doing this I've shown you nothing but love yeah You keep trying to like, you know fucking like buy our love with you know, no, this is fun. Shut the fuck up This is an amazing beer. It's an oyster. What are you talking about? It's really good And you know oysters are an aphrodisiac so What are you talking about? It's really good. You know oysters are an aphrodisiac so

Yeah, play the vid you went to I don't know how to Instagram like the hates Computers, it was just a bad attempt at part. That's pretty bad roads or roads are well, they'll get better It was a flat road. I'm learning. No good. I believe it better. I think you will get better. I do Know they roads are like this dude, and it's like and that bike's so heavy and it sucks Oh, it's honestly the thing I fear the most when I take it out is how to like where am I gonna park this fucking piece? All right If you're a motorcycle guy go on Devon's Instagram watch it and then go and I guess just post on red Are you just on the park it like a car?

Yeah, do you have to do it? Diagonally cuz like again roads are just kind of like that the time. And also, I don't want a car just thinking that's a free parking space than just hitting it. Because it'll be less viz. Understood. I thought it'd be really funny when we walked away and we came back and somebody was just loading it up on the bus, like on the front of the bus.

Oh man, well you are two bars. You already hit two bars. So I went, I got. We're pre-recorded, this is Monday. We're drinking because we had a really long weekend and we need some time to unwind. So you don't give yourself a break in the middle of the week then you're gonna be too stressed out.

This is the beginning of the week. One day. You gotta have like. Tim Mendes. You gotta have a mental health day every once in a while. Absolutely. Connor, you know mental health day every once in a while. Absolutely. Connor, you know, Connor over this weekend, uh, he tried to start a fight club. No.

On the sidewalk. No. Oh yeah, oh you don't know about this. Did you hear about this, Joey? Connor was in like a full blown fight. No. It's like old boy. I was like, it's Cain, he's back.

No, dude, that was, yeah, I don't know. The whole, we drank too much the whole weekend. I think Friday Karaoke with the fight club. I definitely got to drunk on that Friday. Yeah Fucking Joey sign up. Okay. Yeah, Joey side over karaoke. Let's do the fight club first. Okay, we'll do the fight club first I so see a Saturday Hung over I hit up Josh my sweet, baby Josh and I went over to his place, had a couple drinks at his house, met up with Devon at Tex.

I was watching the Lakers. Watching the Lakers. Had a martini there, I'm feeling pretty tuned up. And then we go to El Prado, have like three more beers, kinda flying at this point. Hell yeah. We go to that bar next to Sticky Rice, a couple more drinks, I'm fucking, I'm gone, all right?

You're fucking destroyed. I'm hammered this one, right? Now couple more drinks, I'm fucking, I'm gone, all right? You're fucking destroyed. I'm hammered this way, right? Now, Papa Molly, I'm sweatin'. We're really, we're really, we're really getting down. It was crazy, man, Devin was bustin' wide open, it was fucking nuts, he was twerkin'. He was upside down on his pants. The GTA's, the new GTA trailer,

I was one of those black chicks, like dancing on a moving car. And then, but however drunk I am, Devin is, Devin's maybe top five drunkest I've ever seen him. Like he couldn't even open his eyes. He was like, you know when Devin's like, we call it, my friends call it, get geked out. Yeah. Gek-o-eyes.

I get like an eye going other way. Eyes going other ways. But that's because I'm like aware of my surroundings. That's crazy, cause more than anybody else. You're watching your own back, brother. I'm watching everybody. Thursday you said that was the drunkest you ever seen Devin, so this is like two days later and he's drunker.

Wasn't that drunk on Thursday? Yes, yeah. Oh, you were fucking gone, dude. You were fucking hammered on Thursday, yeah. You were screaming at the top of your lungs, going back to your house. You don't remember me going back to your house. I'm gonna take some time off on this tour. We don't drink on tours.

I'm gonna die on this tour right there. Yeah, I'm really scared. I'm scared. I'm like actually scared. Yeah, me too. But, yeah, so Devin's fucking gone, and I was like, let's go to the let's go to the gold room. That's how we're walking the gold room And he is can't walk straight Making a lot of noise hugging hugging. He's very grabby. He's hugging David like kissing him on the cheek

He's kissing me and I'm like, all right, dude, you got to pull it together I'm like giving him a pep talk in the gold room. I'm out. You're gonna be too drunk to get in there Yeah, fucking pull it together. Yeah, and as that a pep talk, get in the gold room. I'm like, you're gonna be too drunk to get in there. You gotta fuckin' pull it together. And as that's happening, this guy is riding down the sidewalk on his fuckin' bike, and he's like, move, get the fuck outta the way! And I just go, get off the sidewalk, retard. And I think nothing of it.

I'm like, got another victim. Another motherfucker felt the wrath of Conor McNutt. And I just. Podcasting in the wild. I was potting in the wild. And I hear him throw his helmet to the ground. And I look behind him, he's throwing his bike. And my friend Josh catches it mid-air.

It's fucking sick. And he just full sprint runs at me and he grabs my throat. He just fully like is choking me and pushing me backwards. And I- Which is gay, that's a gay first move. It was crazy. The grab a man's throat is kinda gay. It is weird.

I went to roast him like, okay Doris Vader, like he's like, throw that at him. He's choking me and I like hit his arm off and I, Joey, I throw the hardest punch that I could conjure up. Like I full, and I missed by a mile. It was crazy big punch. I missed by 10 feet. Were you aiming for his face?

Dude, I was fully like Superman punching. Like I ran at him and I fucking threw a punch. It was like a jump punch. Like 300 or something. I like snapped and I missed and I fell to the ground, but it didn't stop me at all. I like missed and I got up and I was like, he's gonna throw a punch.

And I started charging him, I was like what the fuck is wrong with you? And he was so scared. It felt so cool. He didn't like that. He backed down immediately, Josh was holding his bike, being like, what the fuck is wrong with you? I'm running, screaming at him, he's like,

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Wow. Meanwhile, I'm standing watching it like, like Steve Buscemi in The Wedding Singer. I'm just hammered, and I'm just like, it's like a dude has done it, it's like, retun! I forgot it, I'm just hammered, and I'm just like, please, like, you, retry. I forgot it, the whole, I went home, and I was like, I didn't kind of throw a punch at a man.

We had a big fight tonight. Literally, we started just walking to the green, the gold room again, like five seconds later. We moved right on. And I go, I looked at Devon and go, that was crazy, and you went, what was crazy? I'm like, the guy who just choked me? That was crazy, you're like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, what was crazy? I'm like the guy who just choked me. That was crazy.

You're like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that was nuts. Well, I didn't see that. I didn't see him choke you. I just saw your punch. Dude, yeah, I was fucking crazy. I got fully assaulted. It hasn't happened to me in a long time. It was wild.

And then they refused to let me into the golden because they were afraid of my prowess. Dude, the bouncer. They saw me, they thought I was the guy that fought. They were like, that guy's strong. The bouncer laughed so hard just upon seeing that. It's just a prank. Like Devin started reaching for his wallet.

He started being like, dude, what the fuck are you doing? There's no way. Meanwhile, they let guys in the fucking bar with like guns. Yeah. Also, I was telling the bouncer in real time, I was like, dude this guy just choked me and I fucking tried to punch him, it was crazy. And he goes, I know man, have a good night. Let me try.

He literally goes, it be like that sometimes. I was like, you're right, it does be like that sometimes. And I'm like, it be like that sometimes. Yeah, I don't know, but I proceeded to get so cartoonishly drunk. Because you sobered up from the fight. Yeah, it felt like I did cocaine. Like I was, I was, I had so much adrenaline in me

and then I was like, fuck, you know, I'm wired up. And I was like, I texted you, I was like, I felt like I took the baton in a relay race of how drunk you were. Yeah. You tapped out and I grabbed the baton, I was like, I got your back, brother. And I probably had like seven more drinks in the gold room.

And then, yeah, yeah, yeah, I fell. It was bad. Yeah, you fell, and then you felt really bad when you got home. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You came home, you found that you felt really bad when you got home. Yeah You came home like Tim Robbins and Mystic River covered in blood I think I saved a kid. I killed a man. Yeah, dude, not not great Yeah, that's crazy. I don't know. It's one of those things like we're in the moment. I was so embarrassed I didn't hit him, but I think I looked cool. You still look

Yeah, I mean got choked you didn't block the choke you're getting great choked by a man Probably in like bicycle gear then you try to swing you miss and you fall down No, he didn't fall in the fight. He fell later getting in no no no I mean I I followed through so hard in a punch Oh, yeah, yeah, I like like stumbled I will say this I was drunk but I'm a bar for sounding cool I remember the punch it was intimidating to the part where the guy was a whole shit like Connor turned into like a Hulk crazy Irish rage is always kind of just it's clumsy scary it's clumsy and clumsy but it's still just terrifying it's still just like okay he fell he doesn't carry so Josh just kept being like he

just kept me like you're about it That was crazy like you had you'd zero like second guessing yourself. You're just like alright. We're doing this now Yeah, and you try to kill that guy cool attack you yes He did attack you were defending yourself and like and I was so embarrassed, but then you know in hindsight I'm like yeah, it's good. It's good. That didn't hit him. No it is good Awful I did that it was saying you had the guilt, you were like, you asked John like really sincerely, it was very cute. You were like, is this like calling him a retard? Is that like fighting words?

No. I was like, if this went to court, where do I stand? Who did start it? Did he start it with his bike on the sidewalk? Did I start by calling him a retard? Did he start by choking me? Where did it start? Yeah.

That's the crazy thing. This is the second time we've had a confrontation with a hipster though. Yeah. In the last like two, three months. I gotta stop hanging out with you guys. This has never happened to me in my entire life. Well here's the thing, also what's going on,

these hipsters are kind of about that line. They're getting a little, they're getting mouthy, they're getting aggressive. Some are like turning to heart this very. Oh we can only be mouthy. Yeah. But with hipsters. I mean they're like fighting.

I've never seen a guy like that. I thought that had to be like a street guy Yeah, but it was so hilarious though. Just the phrasing he goes you can't just walk down the street call people retards and has he's choking me I was like I was like, oh he's retarded Yeah, that was it it was surprising. Yeah. It's interesting to see the neighborhood even out. I know. I guess I made a fool out of myself on Friday

with the karaoke. No, it was very cute though. You were kind of full. You signed up and then they didn't put you up for two hours. We had to watch all these like Disney adults be like, I want to be Snow White and one day I will be literally a bunch of men in their mid-30s like duetting Aladdin songs it was really act who's very screaming at the DJ

like Joey the third. Well it was Connors wife's cousin's birthday out in like Burbank for some reason she chose like a strip mall. That bar kicked ass. It was a cool fun place. I kind of like that bar. It was really fun, but it was karaoke. I'm like well. I'm not gonna be I'm gonna all sign up It's a they they're doing a party at a karaoke place I'm not gonna be an asshole not do it And then I signed up and my first song was Down Easter Alexa by Billy Joel and asked so much time kept going on this People kept killing it. I'm like I I'm gonna fucking bomb with that song. And then I was like,

and then I'm like, oh, remember when I sang- You're like, the Imagineers are gonna fucking hate me. God damn. I was like, but remember when I sang that Leonard Cohen song on the pod, I sounded good. I'll just do a Leonard Cohen song. So then I went back to the lady and I'm like, hey, Audible, give me Leonard Cohen.

Hallelujah. Hallelujah. And then she's like, okay, sure. And then like, it just took forever. It just took like another hour and a half. And then she's like, okay, sure. And then like, it just took forever. It just took like another hour and a half. And then it was like, just the weirdest mood song. Yeah. Like to sing. But also it was so endearing cause it just reminded me, like Joey reminded me so much of myself doing standup where like people were

going up before Joey and they were like, these guys, it was lame as hell, but they were crushing it. A lot of people were really trying, really crushing it. Like there's a lot of duets were like magical. I it like those Aladdin duets were like there were magical I was like these guys are trained that was pretty good There was like also a couple like 300 pound men with like Mickey Mouse shirts But every every time somebody crush it Joey just started like talking to me he was like dude I'm fucked It was already after the pod So I was super hammered when we got there.

And then we had all that extra time while they waited, while we waited for them to call my name. I was so drunk and I just started to know like, I'm not going to be able to stick on to the beat or like the melody or whatever. And just follow along. That's a tough one too, yeah. I was proud of you though.

That's not a tough one. If I was sober, I easily could have done it. And who knows, it probably still would not have been good. But then I so, I was proud of you though. That's not a tough one. If I was sober I easily could have done it and who knows it probably still would not have been good But then I so I kept going I kept going fuck I'm fucked I'm fucked and then I went to the lady who was DJing the karaoke and I was just so hammered that I was like hey, how about this if I'm gonna give you a signal There's a pretty good chance that I'm not gonna be able to do this if I give you a signal just cut me off and just like I'm walking away. And then, so I don't know how long I even attempted it for,

but I just remember, I kept trying. It's a long song too. And I think I might've made it like a minute or something. You did like two minutes, I think. About two minutes, and you kept going, you kept giving her a signal, and she wouldn't end the song, and you kept in the microphone, kept going,

that's a signal. I'm giving you a signal. She was trying to punish me, I think. Yeah. it was fun. I was really trying to punish you. I didn't care, but I remember Conner being like, you fool. You gave a fool out of yourself. He's like, how can you go up and act like that in front of people? And meanwhile he's doing stand up all the time. And he's like, I can't imagine how somebody could go and put their-

Well, because to me, I'm scared of karaoke. I've done it like twice and it makes me so fucking nervous every single time. I don't know what it is. I like going to Korean places where you rent a booth and it's just your friends, that's fun. Literally any type of like microphone in my hand, public speaking that isn't stand up,

I get so insanely scared and nervous. That's so interesting. Singing's very vulnerable. Yeah. Giving speeches though, I can't fucking do it. Yeah, speeches. I freak out. Speeches are rough. I think it's because I know what I'm used to, a reaction from an fucking do it? Yeah, I freak out speeches I think it's cuz I know what I'm used to a reaction from an audience

You mean like I know if I'm doing well if I'm getting laughs or not Oh, yeah, so just kind of people staring at me while I'm belting into a microphone scares the living shit out of me Yeah, okay. Yeah, I can't do it. So I don't know I was I was almost like vicariously like hating myself through you I mean it I was unfazed by it but now like, you know I kind of woke up the next day and just I wasn't embarrassed by the by the performance I was like oh what Connor was so ashamed. I'm like what happened did I like pull my cock out?

It felt like watching my son like strike out in Little League you know. It was it was it was endearing watching you prepare like you kept like you they made you wait so long you were like pacing you kept kind of wandering around you had like A hot towel on your neck like gargling. He kept manically smiling He just sat front row and watched some of it Sitting by yourself like a cocktail table just like this This isn't so hard this this is easy. Then you guys left and Valerie, my wife, she did one of the best bits I've ever seen,

where she goes, she grabs a mic and she goes, I wanna dedicate this next song to my loving husband, I love you so much baby, this one's for you. And I was like, wow, this is so cute. And then she sang Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood. And the whole bar was mad at me. Everyone in the bar was like, what the fuck did you do to her?

And I was like, I didn't know, I've never cheated on my wife. We have a funny relationship. She's doing a bit, but she's belting out and she keeps pointing me and flipping me off. It was incredible. Man, that's funny. Yeah. Oh man.

She is good. I just had, this is weird, like I don't know, I just had to bring this up. Mike Myers came out of the woodwork recently. What the fuck? I was just thinking about it. Look at how he looks. Holy shit.

He looks like a husky. Did he get worked on? I think the last 10 years he obviously was like a sled dog of some sort. And just not really, not putting himself out there. But he looks so interesting to me. He looks like a Bond villain or something. He looks awesome.

He looks cool, he looks good. Yeah, he looks kind of sick. But what has he been up to? What is Mike Myers like? He had that Netflix series like two years ago. What was the one, the Indian one, that would not be made today? Love Guru. The Love Guru.

Yeah, yeah. That's, we gotta watch that one. Maurice Garhagatay. Hollywood hate watch. That's a great movie, not too Mariska Hargitay. Hollywood Hate Watch. That's a great movie, not too good. Is it a good movie? I was more of a master of disguise man myself. Yeah, I just remember as a kid thinking

his saying being Mariska Hargitay was the funniest thing of all time. That's just the actress from Law and Order, but he was saying that as his mantra. Mariska Hargitay. Mariska Hargitay, yeah. I remember he's a comedian genius. I had a buddy who used to do a mantra he would just say Jai Courtney over and over again. Hmm. Well fuck you. I don't fucking hate this shit. What? Well you had no follow-up.

That was it. That was the mantra. He goes out and says Jai Courtney. He would sit down. What is that me? Jai Courtney the actor. Oh I didn't know that. You know Jai Courtney? No. He was the curly haired guy, but he would sit there when I worked with him for like fucking. Oh, that solves it. Yeah, all right. His head's really familiar. Jai Courtney? I used to work with him at the fucking delivery company.

He would sit next to me and just go, Jai Courtney, and over and over. I think he stole. The fuck is this guy? Love Guru. He was in Spartacus and shit. Yeah, I don't know. That's a weird, weird guy. Yeah, John, so'm so sorry. I don't know who Jaikorn is.

Wow, bizarre guys. Yeah, now it's crazy to not know Annette Benning, but it was a shame on us for not knowing Jaikorn. You're the first guy with a head injury to get a motorcycle. Oh man. What a weekend though, boys. It was a fun. Had a blast. Every day is so fucking pretty the past three days Yes, and we're just really soaking it up. We're approaching summer. I cannot wait for summer When are you guys back from this fucking tour? Like the 10th? Oh, dude, we're gonna kill it Well, then I go to the beach. I have no time I get back on the 10th going to fucking support like the commies. I get back in the 10th I got then some real bad stuff to deal with the next two days and I go to China on

Oh, that's okay on the 16th So I'm gonna be in in LA for April for like five days total You've had a pamphlet in your car from the Chinese whatever it's NCCP and every time I get in the car I'm like what and Chinese child like what it where's Connor going? Did you had to get a visa and all that shit? Oh, man, that's such a pain in the ass. It was easy as hell, dude Well, you went to the Chinese embassy in Cree town. It was the most efficient thing of all time. I Got so nervous too cuz I was like, oh, this is like Chinese DMV like that sounds like hell to me

And then I realized they're the most efficient people they get shit done. If anything, let's have them in charge of the DMV How much they charge you for the visa? I think 150 bucks. That's not bad at all. You're gonna have a good time China kicks ass I'm not I mean we're going to Thailand after we're me in China for like four days and we go to Thailand I'm not a fan. I'm excited about that. I got wasted and I was like, I'm gonna fly out to Thailand I know you scared like you really scared Valerie with that. That'd be great. She was like he's not actually next day. She's like he's not actually doing I'm gonna do it You said that to them. Oh, dude. You never remember that You know you had you and him haven't been friends long enough for you to threaten him What I was thinking I was like you and me we go to Thailand right and we fucking kill it

Yeah, you don't remember any of that I live life fast and hard And we fucking kill it. Yeah, you don't remember any of that, Devin? You're safe, man. You were so fucked up on Thursday. I don't fucking know. I live life fast and hard. Life in the fast lane, losers. Life in the fast lane, bozos. That'd be sick if it went to silent. Life in the fast lane. I remember booking international travel.

After you slow dorks. Yeah, I'm not really, I don't know. If I had to pick an Asian country to go to, China would be the last one. China's fun because you can do whatever the fuck you want. This is like, I'm not really, I don't know, if I had to pick an Asian country to go to, China would be the last one. China's fine because you can do whatever the fuck you want. I was there like 12 years ago though. You can just get away with fucking anything.

I'm not really a big fan of what they did to my youth and you know, all that. The virus? The virus. I'm the one who got the biggest victim of the virus. You forgot you had COVID because of COVID. Xi Jinping, you cocksucker. I would love to do an episode where it's just John alone

and we just see how he connects his thoughts. It'd be weird. It's John alone, but we put like a two-way mirror up right here, we just watch him. Yeah, like, it's a lab experiment. Like a Stanford prison experiment. All right, this clip I just watched right before, Drew Barrymore, I didn't know she still has a show.

I thought people tried to kill her after the writer's strike thing. And then didn't they want to shoot her, didn't black people want to kill Drew Barrymore because she was running through a field, like, yeah, look at the rain, it's beautiful. And black people were like, if I catch you outside, I'll kill you.

It was one of those things, one of those things that just gets picked up by the black internet and they just decide they'll kill you. I loved that. But Drew Barrymore seems like a mentally ill sweetheart. She really does seem like she's a screw loose recently. Something seems really off with her. Look at her demeanor here talking to Kamala Harris.

I've been thinking that we really all need a tremendous hug in the world right now. But in our country, we need you to be Mamala of the country. Mamala? Mamala. What the fuck is that? Kamala but Mamala. Kamala but Mamala.

We need a mommy. That's horrifying. Mamala, we need Mamala to put away the most black people in American history in prison. God, dude. I mean, like. I don't even, I almost have nothing have nothing to say about I don't even know this it's just crazy It's one of those things that just kind of stops you in your fucking tracks. She just go wow She's I mean, I honestly I feel like she looks kind of like a bird like I feel like birds have it together

Here's a talk show the fuck you gotta give her I mean, let's face the facts like considering her career as a child star You gotta give her, I mean, let's face the facts, like considering her career as a child star, it's like Amanda Bynes, but if you have Spielberg instead of Dan Schneider, you end up like this instead of completely homeless with no eyebrows. That is true. That is true. It's like she's got it together surprisingly well,

all things considered. What's Spielberg's name? ET. ET. Okay, okay. I was like, was she the Poltergeist girl? And then I realized the Poltergeist girl got like killed like DT. DT. Okay, okay. I was like, was she the Poltergeist girl? And then I realized the Poltergeist girl got like killed like through. No, she was a fire starter.

Wasn't Spielberg, but it was a Stephen King. We need a Mamala. To take Mamala. Mamala. Mamala. Mamala. Mamala. Mamala.

Mamala. Mamala. Mamala. Mamala. Mamala. Mamala. Mamala. Mamala. Mamala. Mamala. Kamala, her next sentence, she goes, if I catch you outside, I'ma beat you. Listen, the black community saw the video of you having frolicking.

We hate frolicking! I just love that it is polite society, though, so it's like, you know, they're on a, there's no way, even Kamala is like, that's the gayest thing I've ever heard in my entire life. Kamala's like, I suck the most ass in America, and that was worse than anything I've ever done. Thanks for having me on the show and everything,

but we got shooters out here. Stop having fun out in the field. She goes, thank you, thank you. She goes, we're gonna put a red light on your head. I'm gonna peel your cap. This is red dot music. Is this a scene? Yeah, no, I have.

Oh, dude, fuck off. She really looks like she's begging for like I don't know that's it's just crazy I kind of want to watch like Drew Barrymore eclipse. She's I don't know what she's been up to what a wild woman She's cookie. I mean she showed her tips to Letterman. She used to be out fucking suck and I'm sure she got She fucking sucked Adam Sandler for sure big time drew you know more show I think they had I think they made love Right I think they made love is this can we watch this like is this actually on TV or is this like on TV in an alternate universe We the MCA from a parallel universe.

Yeah, I don't know. I guess I can't risk it. But these clips look good. Maybe the Patreon. It is just damn time television. Jenetta McCarty looks fucking insane. Well, yeah, Jenna McCarty was like, she was like, uh, wasn't she like attacked and died? She got Schneidered and all that. She got Schneidered? I think she got packed. She was in The Fappening.

I know that. I was just about to say packed. She was in the happening. I know that And then she wrote a book about her mom dying My story the fapping I literally was on a Listen, I fucking I was on a European trip and I flew to fucking Germany to meet with my sister My sister's living in Germany for like a year and a half and the second I landed the fapping broke and I flew to fucking Germany to meet with my sister my sister's living in Germany for like a year and a half and the second I landed the fappening broke and I stayed in my fucking place for two days and you know remember me with

Robert Pattinson the 9-eleven movie no you never see this movie no what oh my god you've never seen remember me no I do it is a normal romantic comedy set in the year 2001. You have no idea what's happening. It's just, how about this guy, he's kind of like an artsy, you know, outsider kind of guy, Robert Pattinson. He falls in love with this girl. And it's like, it's a whole romantic comedy.

And then he's like, all right, I gotta get my life together. My dad works in this like big corporate building downtown. I'm gonna go actually have a meeting with my dad. And you're like, what was the point of this whole movie? And he gets in the building, goes to the top floor, he's standing there on like whatever the 90th floor, and you're like, oh okay, I guess it's the end of the movie because it starts panning out.

And as it pans out, it reveals that it's the World Trade Center, and then you see plane flying. That's it? And it ends? That's the whole movie. Are you serious? The ending in this movie is that

it's a surprise 9-11 movie. It blew my fucking mind the first time I saw it. I can't believe you don't know about this. Oh my god, no. It's actually kind of sick. Yeah, anyway, I want to make a Remember Me style movie about John for the fappening. Flying to Germany. Just normal as hell.

The first two days. Dude, the second I saw that fucking, who is, oh my god, who is the girl fucking, she was in Winner's Bone. Jennifer Lawrence. Oh my god, the second that fucking first bikini picture broke, I was just like, it's over today. I don't know, I don't really get. The whole day's wasted.

I don't understand that stuff. She had cummy pics in her fappening. She had some cummy pics. Oh shit. She covered in cum in her fappening. Really? It's crazy that like, Let's pull it up!

I don't think. That's for the Patreon. I don't think the fappening would even make a dent today. No, nobody cares. Everyone's showing their fucking pussy on Twitter. There's a dark net trade of celebrity nudes. Mm-hmm. Like, there is.

Well, it's fun. We've talked about this before, but it is fun when we get, like, they have no control. Yeah, we do. I think it's wrong, but- I think I've said this before, but your tits are ours. Yes. Yes.

Look into my eyes. I go, yeah, okay, you have a mansion. You have more money than me. You're doing better than everybody. But I? But I have your tits. I have your tits. I have your tits.

I'll give you a tribute right now. But I'll tribute you, sweetheart. That's kind of the craziest online guy. Guys, you do come tributes. Yeah, I've seen that shit. That's Doris. You've seen it, huh? You've seen it.

You've seen it? Yeah. Just seen it. Come tributes. I've just seen it seen it huh? You've seen it? Yeah. Cum tributes. I've just seen it dude. Like you're never done. I have the big iPad. Yeah, you got a Sarant wrapped iPad. I've seen it. Then cum tributes are very funny in the porn world.

Like a guy blasting the Foo Fighters over cum shops. He's like, you'll be my hero. Watching every day she. Drinking a martini glass full of gizz. What? Tev doesn't know what a cum is. You don't know what a cum is. Oh, what is a cum trivia?

Cum trivia is when you just like, you cum on a photo of. Oh, oh, I'm not sick. Like you guys, I like, I watch Cumshot compilations. There goes my hero. Watching as she goes. Or Buck Cherry. Hey, you're crazy bitch. compilations Or buck cherry hey

What what a jam what a jam I'm gonna say Maddie karaoke next time Dude, actually, you know what? I will do it that with you. I do buck cherry Let's go back rogue like tavern this Friday. What happened to the did they did they did they not get the respect from the community? Okay, I don't think so. I think I think they did what they came to do They had a parody name after a famous black guy and they made one insane song and then that I mean I'm sure they're rich man. I gotta look into this whole come tribute stuff. It's good. Yeah I'm sure they're rich man. I gotta look into this whole come tribute stuff. It's good. Yeah It's pretty done that before I John I've never done it. Oh, I sent nut vids out. No, you don't I do you nut Have an insane taint

Yeah, so I got big old cum loads that's it I always forget that there's a correlation between taint size and cum. Yeah, I can come over correlation between taint sizes and like being like retarded I know I can come over. I think they did come up. Is that real something with taint sizes being bad Very negative. There was a very negative Yes, look good. I can come up for school buses. I said autism connection. I swear to God I've hit the ceiling before, dude. Who was the sick scientist that decided to do a study?

I don't know, but if he had me, it would have been crazy, dude. He goes, study's over, first guy. He goes, yeah, it's confirmed. It was on Rogan. I got big full balls. So it's true. It's, wait, so you, you. It was on Rogan. I got big full balls. So it's true

Wait so you It's something about Plastics microplastic like you're full of plastic and I'm just gonna add why not it also means you're retarded. Why not? Yeah, as your taint is is directly related to virility Okay, is it so you take videos of you jerking off and coming and send them to send them to women? Yeah, how are those like generally received? Well, John always says that people dick pics are lame John's been John's big take for many many years has always been Sending a dick picture to a girl is gross and disrespectful and they hate them But then his the big twist is however if you send them

Come coming out of the your cock then they love it. They enjoy a groaning nut It will always be received much better than a dick picture I just couldn't imagine a million years ever do anything like that even like fucking you in a relationship really told I know that I'm like fucking still I don't think that's in me. It's not in all of us, dude. Some people, I just, I got the touch, bro. When you get down and dirty. You got the touch.

I got the touch. You got the touch for sure, dude. He was at two bars today before like one. Yeah. So he's, you know, he's. I've had, I swear to God, before I came here, I've had. How many cum shots did you send today? Six beers today.

No cum shots today, but six beers before I came here. like I feel like you're you'd like lately the late-stage wrestler Like I just picture you but fucking women and like He's just fucking like a boars head like turkey You jacking off in your office space, videotaping it. Have you ever seen it? He's just fucking like a boar's head, like turkey. Not a deli counter. Oh. Well. Well, John, you disgust me, so.

You'll understand one day, dude. You sent that picture of a depression meal today, John. Are you on depression meals all the time? Oh, sorry, I love depression meals. Do you add to this website? No, I love depression meals because it'll be like the most insane shit ever. What the fuck? Are we not recording? Yeah. Oh, I love depression. We add to this website. No, I love depression meals because it'll be like the most insane shit ever Are we not recording? Yeah How long the video went out? I don't know fairly recently

That sucks, all right, so I don't know but what should we figure out where we're at fine. We'll be fine Yeah, those okay cuz I feel like we're kind of cooking. Yeah, we're cooking for a second. Those, okay. Cause I feel like we're kinda cooking. We're cooking with, we're cooking with. All right, sorry folks, some technical difficulties. You know, the ATEM Mini Pro is a piece of shit device. And if I ever find out who invented this, I will, I will hurt them. Yeah.

I will hurt them. I've ranted about it a lot, but there's no off button. It just randomly turns off like once every seven months when we do this fucking show that I fucking hate doing. I'm a prisoner of my own show! It's a plantation, I told you. I love this show and it looks good. So depression meals, it's really sick

because you get like a post and it's like a guy and he's like, dude, my mom was just cut in half in a car wreck. And I'm having macaroni for dinner. Hold on, hold on, hold on. One of these was. It was, hold on. Go to like top of these was amazing. I'm having macaroni for dinner. Hold on, hold on, hold on. One of these was a... It was, hold on. Go to like top of today or some...

Oh wait, no, that was it. This one was disgusting. I found out that my wife had an orgy for her bachelorette party in Amsterdam that she kept hidden from me. Our daughter might not be mine. So he's eating... Carbonara.

Oh, I thought that was like... It's homemade carbonara. I thought that was ramen without broth. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, is it? Just put chunks in, just put pieces in. Oh, I thought that was like, I thought that was ramen without broth. Wait, is it, just put chunks, you just put pieces of ham. Dude, if I found out my wife had an orgy and my daughter may not be mine, I would just blow her head off with a shotgun or something. I have no idea what the fuck I would do.

I just admitted you'd kill your wife. Yeah, I mean, I get that. Valerie asked me today, she's like, if you came home and you saw me in bed with another man, what would you do? I said, I'd kill you both. Yeah, that's the correct answer. Yeah. Honestly, no, you're dead.

That's what they want though. I would spack. You guys are like, you guys are suckers for love, man. That's what they want you to do. Women wanna be killed. What would you do? You came home, I'd have known somebody else. Oh, I would just like walk out.

Yeah. And then like just financially ruin her and and then and then I'd And then I would for the rest of my life torment the man, yeah, yeah So the guy if I killed it he, so you would, what? So. To me, the guy, if I kill him, he's collateral damage. You know what I mean? Like, I actually don't have any hard feelings against that. So, I wouldn't.

They're not worth it, man. You long game, fuck with this guy. That's crazy. I don't walk, here, listen, listen. They're doing it to make you jealous. Uh-huh. And I don't give anybody any of that. No power over me.

You don't, I'm the master of my own domain. I'm not gonna be like, oh, now, you already, you fucked fucked my whole life up and now I'm gonna fuck my own life up for the Next couple years being all sad about this. I got dead Then you go to prison. Yeah, and then your coolest guy in prison you go to prison Everybody's like what you do and you're like, well, I came home My wife had an origin Amsterdam and my daughter might not be mine I blew her head off and blew her partner's head off and they're like damn that's cool shit and my daughter might not be mine, I blew her head off and then blew her partner's head off

and they're like, damn, that's cool as shit. That's your new- And then you would spend the rest of your life telling that to a guy that has a pet squirrel in his jail cell. That's your new life. It's just you have to accept that. You have honor, you retain your honor.

You retain your honor by blowing everyone's head off. I'm still about, I'm still about my freedom. I think people get blinders on when it comes to these things. I go- That's what I'm saying. I would have blinders on. That's called down- That on when it comes to these things. I go, I go. That's what I'm saying. I would have blinders on. That's called down.

I know. And I would fucking kill them. It's called down the barrel of a shotgun. That's the blinders I have. It's just tunnel vision, my friend. Tunnel vision, yeah. I'm just saying, I think I'm a little more emotionally mature than all of you.

Well. Oh, you know. Cheers to that. I have impulse control and everyone knows that I'm I'm a sage and you're a beacon of health No, I really like I under like like they go crazier if you're not angry So I think I would I think I would do her more if you don't care. All right, here's what I would do I come in I don't show my love ever. I, I, I...

You guys are emotionally immature. I don't show my love ever. Here's, here's what I'm doing. I come home, I find my wife in bed, with another man, this is what I do, I go like this, I go, oh baby tell me what I did wrong, please, what did I do wrong? That's what I would do. Yeah, if I came home and Ida was fucking another guy, I'd start jacking off. You thought I was gonna hate this, huh?

I'd get on the ground and I'd put my legs up over my head and I'd make weird baby noises and I'd go, ooh, I go, baby, my likey! The porno squirting. Freak him the fuck out. I'm sharking the guy. Freak him the fuck out. That's what I'm doing.

I'm running up and down. You run up and down and you come on him, yeah. Make it gay. I'm too reptilian. He didn't come over to fuck your wife to have a gay experience. You make it gay, he's like, what the fuck? If you start fucking him in the ass, that's crazy. He goes, this is the worst side pussy I've ever had.

I can't fuck in the ass. My opponent. And I go, you're not my type either, buddy. He goes, I'm never coming back over here ever again. He says, I'll never be back. He goes, this place sucks. You gotta speak. I hate you guys. He goes, I'll never be back. He goes, this place sucks. You gotta speak. I hate you guys.

He goes, I hate you guys. He says, I hate you guys. Is that you treat a ghastly freak? I, yeah, I don't know. That shit is like, people that have had that happen to them, there's something going on in the relationship. Well, they did just let it happen. At the very least, she's getting popped.

But the thing is, is like, uh, pop. You should've been shot. You're gonna kill her. Up. Like that. I would just break up with her and be like,

okay, I'll probably be sad for a little bit, but yeah, we're breaking up. Good night. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'd be sad and I'd be like, whatever. You have to be sad for a little bit I mean, that's you can't avoid that you can't let them know you're being ruined from within

Well, it doesn't matter cuz you're breaking up with that's why just Drake Drake's biggest Weapon Drake weaponized is ruining men from within by sleeping with like people's like girlfriends. Yeah That's why the whole industry hates him cuz he's just like fuck to everybody. Well, he can't do that if he's dead That's what I'm saying. That's how you kill everyone in the room Yeah, you know I mean thinking big enough Gratification that if his head's gone like, you know also depending on the state They are very forgiving about like crimes of passion. It's temporary insanity That is a classic case temporary insanity

So like my buddy was a lawyer temporary if you walk in and some guys like raping your mom You can like blow his head off and get away with we've talked about this on the show in case of temporary insanity. So like my buddy who's a lawyer, temporary, if you walk in and some guy's like raping your mom, you can like blow his head off and get away with it. Yes. We've talked about this on the show, but it's the but I was pissed defense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally.

I have catchphrase too. Like I come in, say a guy like Drake fucks my wife. I go, I have him tied up to a chair. I go, hey, how'd you like getting hit? I go, say goodbye to your head. What I would do is I would completely disregard the woman. And I would somehow wrestle the guy down, and I'd time to a chair like Conant did.

And then I would just do like buffalo bullshit with him. Yeah. Like nothing violent, but just like I'd make him like lick my asshole, like dead twerk on him. Like if that happened to you. For days on end, blasting really weird music. Devin, if that happened to you, I would rape someone for you. Be like, this is what you can do.

Think about how you'll conduct yourself next time you fuck somebody's fucking wife. You didn't think you'd run into this sicko, did you? We, Devin's been doing this for months, we have no idea, we're like, hey man, what are you doing? He goes, I'm basically between two and four. We peek through his window,

he's just fully busting wide open, and a guy talks to a chair. I gotta go twerk on my wife's lover, I'll be, I can meet you guys at four. I have to go twerk on my wife's lover. Devin's really annoying, he has like, tenon heels on, and like neon mini skirts.

And I get excited when I walk in on him fucking her. I go, I've been waiting for this. Finally an excuse to do weird shit to men. No. You gotta think outside the box, man. Yeah. It's like same with like, I always have thoughts about like, somebody who tries to like rob me or do some crazy shit to me. Like I think this has box, man. Yeah. It's like same with like, like I always have thoughts about like, somebody who like tries to like rob me

or do some crazy shit to me. Like I think this has probably been like a joke. Somebody must have done this joke. But you just do the weirdest thing of all time. And then they go, whoa, I don't even, like how Joey, like the serial killer was so bored by his lack of fear. He's like, I can't even get anything out of this.

If I kill him, I get nothing because he doesn't care either. Exactly, like it's psychological. So I've always assumed if like a real crazy thing He's like I can't even get anything out of this like if I kill him I get nothing because he doesn't care either exactly like It's psychological so I've always assumed if like a real crazy thing happened to me, and I was like being held up I would just go like Like this I'm just gonna go There's a lot of houses in this neighborhood.

I mean, that's literally what happened to me. What? That's what happened with the guy on the bike. Yeah. Is he came at me and I came back three times crazier and he was like, whoa, shit, my bad. Yeah. But you would have had to have like the wherewithal

to be like, I'm pulling my dick out or like sucking my, like, you know what I mean? Yeah, but I'm saying like, I think whatever you do, whether it's crazy or not, you just go three times more energy than they have. my, you know what I mean? Yeah, but I'm saying like, I think whatever you do, whether it's crazy or not, you just go three times more energy than they have, you know what I mean? But you add the crazy to it, you're scarring that man. Crazy shit, dude, I love performance art.

Yeah. And sometimes suckin' a burglar. That's what I call performance art. Suckin' a burglar's sometimes the best performance art. I'd have a guy tied up downstairs, like the first season of Breaking Bad, when Walter White kills the guy Chained up with the plate. I would just keep going behind

Forgiving you give me some time, but I'll forgive you. I saw you're a catch a fucking that guy But I you know he ran off and whatever and I got I gotta go work on something in the basement And I go back to him and I put on my I put on my stripper suit And I put on my stripper suit. I put on my thong and my high heels. You turn the radio on and it goes, I'm sexy and I know it. And I, by the way, little does this guy know I just had like seven eggs and a bunch of half and half

and coffee and I'm dipping. I got so much nicotine in my mouth. I'm shitting myself the entire time. You've been slating sardines. Here comes battery ass at that point. I got disgust. I go to Zankou, get a bunch of garlic breath. He burping in his face.

You lean into his ear, you go, just so you know, I have a long date. You know, Marcus Aurelius caught his wife cheating on him with a gladiator. You know what he did? He made her bathe in his blood. He killed him and made her bathe in his blood. That is sick.

That can't be Marcus Aurelius. That's Marcus Aurelius, bro. I don't think, you must be thinking that's some meditation guy. Yeah, I doubt it. He made her bathe in his blood. You must be thinking of a different guy from that time. That's pretty badass.

That is crazy, that's cool though. That is cool as hell. That's what you do. Marcus Aurelius, yeah. It could not have been him, but that's a crazy story. Yeah. Crack me in the comments. Listen man, look at all these problems.

They're all the same problems. Update, my girlfriend said I don't make you feel love. Do top of all time, do top of all time. It's gonna be some classic shit. My girlfriend, but I've noticed a running theme on here. It's just a lot of pussies that are like, my girlfriend said I don't love her as much as she loves me. And it's like, yeah, get with it.

That's life, buddy. They're gonna say that for the rest of your life. That is what being married is. It's the greatest hits of women. And you say like, you don't love me, and I don't love of women. And you say, like, you know, I'm you, and you just wanna go like, I mean, yeah, it's kinda true. There's just a difference in gender roles here. I am not constantly thinking about you

every waking minute. I'm quite a bit more lovable than you, I don't know. I don't know, I'm not taking, you know, you're kinda, I don't know, just a little, you're weaker. Now if you were a man, maybe I'd love you a little bit more. Yeah, come on, maybe if you'd bring that other guy I'd love you a little more come on Maybe if you bring that other guy in the bedroom once in a while So I can torture him for munch on it. I go where's your fucking boyfriend tonight? I'm bored

All right top top top of all time depression meals can't not top of today top of all time bubba I didn't you talk top of all time. Okay. Let's see. Let's see what the top My friends left me after finding. Finding out what? Finding out, yeah, finding out. That he eats this? That he eats donuts? No, click on it.

You otter. I wonder what the weight of the picture is. What the shit? What the fuck is going on? You gotta click back and then go to the comments. God, he's in his, oh. Shut up, John, I'll kill you. All right.

One of my friends wanted me to send them a few photos of my biology concepts textbook. They ordered it late. This was late at night, 12 56 a.m., and incredibly sleepy. And I took a few photos to send and I sent it. While sending the photos, I accidentally sent a photo of me, male, and my boyfriend kissing.

I sent the photos in a bunch. He then proceeded to, that's kinda funny, like it's like flashcards, like it's like an old timey with how they used to watch TV, or just like it's an old guy dribbling a basketball, but it's just you fucking your boyfriend. He then proceeded to share that photo of me with everyone he knew.

This morning I woke up to a bunch of text messages with them mostly my male friends calling me a disgrace, faggot. This is the average daily experience of me. Whatever else you can imagine. It's just you. Disgrace, faggot. This is the average daily experience of me. Whatever else you can imagine. Hey, Jones, is this you? This guy needs to toughen the fuck up, dude. Who are these friends that immediately are like,

fucking disgraced? What are you, like, hanging out? Are you, like, hanging in Montana? Gays used to be fucking tough. I just watched, dude, I watched. This feels like it's like 20 years ago from Laramie, Wyoming. Yeah.

Yeah, I used to, I watched fucking, oh my God, cruising with fucking Al Pacamie, Wyoming. Yeah. Yeah, I used to watch fucking, oh my God, Cruising with fucking Al Pacino the other night. Yeah. Okay, movie about a detective going undercover and like the gay, yeah, it's a fucking, dude, it's such a good movie. Yeah. I didn't know.

I actually. Gays were terrifying in the 70s. They would like fuck your ass. Yeah, they still will. They don't do that now. They'll like stab you and fuck you in the ass. We don't do that. Now they like stab you in. We live in a sex. Now what do they do?

Alt comedy and shit. Gays used to be tough. They used to fucking the end. They just feel like fucking hanging out in the park and bang each other. That shit's crazy. They still do that shit. No, dude, not like the duty.

Oh my God. No, dude, like gay people are so fast and loose with their hookup culture. Like I saw a viral tweet the other day was just like a guy on Grindr being like hey Are you in the Delta lounge right now back in the fucking the airport bathroom? No, but I was like dad to go to park with knives Can go like hey, let's just go to this party and it's gonna be a hundred gay guys 100 gay guys. Yeah, they're codes.

It's all open now. It's all fucking, it's like legal now. Yeah. No, it should be illegal. They should make it illegal again. I didn't, honestly, this post is interesting. I didn't know fucking, I didn't know Matthew Shepard. For the sake of gays.

I didn't know Matthew Shepard had a Reddit account. That is fucked. I mean, it's not even. It sucks. It really sucks. And it's also just regular donuts. I don't know. This is everybody.

That's not a depression meal. It's donuts. He got a bunch of upvotes. It must have been like a gay pride thing. People were just like, hey... People love to always like... What's the second best? This is Reddit. Every Reddit post is somebody posting an obvious story about how like their friends are psychos and you're like, Yeah.

There's no way they're all that crazy. And then every comment is like, those people were never your friends, dude. Yeah. Never your friends. That's a strange story. Six people RSVP, yes. No one showed up. No one texted me to tell me they weren't coming.

I mean, how sad is everyone's life? You made a whole roast chicken. That's not, it's spatchcock chicken too. Also it's a good looking meal. I, the good ones I thought were like, the meal is disgusting. Yeah, that looks good. Well, he's just, I guess he's gonna eat this alone.

So he's sad. That is sad. Three days worth of food. Yeah, it's great. No, it's actually, you can go to the gym and you're fucking. That's protein. I feel bad.

I mean, I just think, you know, maybe because I just have such a thriving social life that I don't understand people that are like, I had six people coming and none of them showed up. Yeah. To this guy, that was probably the biggest deal in the world. He was like, oh yeah, I'm trying to branch out on a new friend group.

I think most people don't have friends. Yeah, it sucks, dude Well, somebody told that to me once where I was he was like quit breaking I said something about a friend. He's like I quit break you got friends and I was like, yeah I'm like get yeah funny. Yeah, like everybody has friends I like cuz I I realized he was being serious and then he was like no dude some people don't well I mean every fucking live laugh love I put on a lot of single tickets sold That is true. That is a lot of single tickets sold

A lot of one ticket purchase. It is crazy for us to talk about this and it's like well who's on our page room? This one confuses me single men. We're their best friends. I guess we are their best friends Making their girlfriends buy their own tickets Passed away in a car accident on the way here for Thanksgiving last night. And this person, what are they eating? I think that's a colostomy bag. Piss and shit? Yeah, I think it was a colostomy bag or something. What?

It's a brownie on top of a piss-filled colostomy bag. What? Let's see, there's one where it was like my mom got caught. Was that a bag of wine? Tim Horton's sushi, that's sad. That is. Eating on the back deck. I'm six months over from fentanyl and crack today.

Well buddy, you better get back. That sounds great. You did a good job. You should get back on on it cuz that meal sucks Wife disappeared it's my birthday. She's gone. Oh my god. What a double double win How do you like your present she calls him a year later I've been gone She goes, how do you like your present? She calls him a year later, I've been gone. Having McDonald's alone for my birthday,

that's not sad, that kicks ass. McDonald's kicks ass, shut up. He blocked me after I gave him my virginity. You got faced! Enjoy your shitty donut Activia. You fucking probably have horrible bowel issues. Take a shit like fucking Jamie Lynn. What's her name? Jamie Lee Curtis that that Aphrodite

No, her wasn't she her mafrida no, yeah, she's got like a dick and she's like hot in the 70s She's got a dick in about a little bit. All right that might have been true, but that is the thing I think I push to get some shitty. She's the truth She's the ultimate package. Some of these meals are fucking incredible. Yeah. Well, that looks up. Saw eyelash extensions at his place. John finds the best ones. The top ones suck.

Yeah, there's some that I'm like. Here we go, here we go, here we go. Saw eyelash extensions at his place and I don't wear eyelash extensions. Down horrendous pasta shells to help the pain. Okay, listen, he just is a cross dresser. He wears the eyelash extensions at home. I was thinking he fucked a Latina or something.

No, he, that's what. No, he that's... No, she's actually a huge bigot actually. Yeah, she hates gays. It's 2024 honey. You know what I mean? Let him do what he wants. That looks great too! Fucking English muffin breakfast. Oh, his country band being gay yesterday.

Hell yeah dude. What, he lives in Russia? I don't know dude, but he's getting fucking owned right now. What? You suck. I don't know dude, but he's getting fucking owned right now Have your yoga drink tried to overdose yesterday still woke up today only one only told one person doesn't feel like anyone cares still fuzzy And lightheaded burger. Yeah, good job. It's very funny to OD and I tried OD and then you wake up and you go kind of hungry to OD, like you try to OD and then you wake up and you go, kinda hungry. Yeah. I had a buddy who was a hardcore. Sounds like you're real serious about it.

I had a buddy who was a hardcore heroin addict and he told me the, he was like, ODing is the easiest thing on earth. Yeah. But it sucks when you wake up and all your friends are standing around you crying, which I thought was like hilarious. Ooh.

That's the darkest thing I've ever heard. This is a weird one. It's like a horrible- Also, aren't they calling 911? Because they're all other heroin addicts, they're afraid of getting arrested. Well, fuck them. Throw your dead bodies worse than- Or take the body outside,

call 911. Everyone knows what you're supposed to do. You pull it like in the movies, you have a classic, you peel into the emergency room, like the little- You dump the body. You throw his body on the sidewalk. The little driveway,

and you throw the body at it, and you peel off, and you go back and do more heroin. You throw the body off, you start shooting it a bunch, you go, he's been shot! And then you drive off. Exactly. I would be so pissed if I woke up and my friends were just like crying, like oh God, I can't believe he's dead.

Like you could've tried, you could've tried one thing. I'd be pretty ticked off, dude. God. Yep. All right, here's another one. I got a new job, Justin them to tell me on the first day They have to let me go because I'm trans microwave string cheese on a paper plate. Oh, yeah, dude Maybe they maybe you got fired for a different Fire for different reasons. I don't know if I trust that

Can I be honest willing to microwave string cheese on a paper plate? In two and a half years not one single female to male trans person has ever had their card accepted at my fucking bar Wait, what in two and a half years? What do you mean? Oh, you mean like they didn't match their idea and then no no no Oh, they're not here. Yeah, not one single female to male trans person. No. No actually that's a lie There's one that has had their card accepted and she's the best dipper on planet Earth But other than that never never had their card accepted. I'm pro-trans people, but there are priorities in life. And it's like, I used to know,

there was a few trans people in comedy, and they were homeless because they spent all their money on tits. And it's like, you know, come on, you gotta put one foot in front of the other. I'd say shelter over tits. Bottom surgery is a fucking sham. Especially if you still have facial hair.

Yeah. Now you just look like Meat Love and Fight Club. That's not great. And like facial hair, so you know now you just look like meatloaf and fight club Somehow you assert me I want trans people to have shelter and like indoor plumbing. Yeah, I don't want them to be like I need it That was for like a roof. I'm like most pro trans person on earth. This guy's university got shot up yesterday, but why? My university got shot up, I mean. Why though? It is crazy, this is just a constant thing. Like this wasn't on the news,

just some university got shot up. Well I'm sure if you go to it, whatever it was, was in the news. Whatever shooting it was. Probably for a second, and then it's like next up. What if it was, it for a second, and then it's like next up. What if it was? Jojo Siwa. It could have been Virginia Tech.

I mean, that was too long. The Virginia Tech one, that was like one of the early legendary. Those guys' photos are hilarious. Also, no, yeah, that guy had the sickest photos. He had the photos, yeah. My favorite one is him with the hammer going like this. Yeah, he was doing that.

The hammer. He looked like the guy in Rush Hour that goes, wipe yourself off, you bleeding. He did. He did. Dude, when I worked at a warehouse in New York, my first job in New York, there was this guy I worked with. Is this called warehouse?

No, I just worked at a warehouse, a company called Snow. Jesus. And I worked with this guy, he was a very flamboyant Broadway dancer. His name was Shaq. Little black guy, he wore all leather every single day. Hell yeah. Over this guy who's a very flamboyant Broadway dancer. His name was Shaq He wore all leather every single day. Oh, yeah, and he ate Constantly like what would be like you would think they're fake like depression meals one day He was just eating onion rings and pancakes

Okay, and I was like, oh my god This is like the saddest meal I've ever seen and he was drinking a giant squirt And he was telling our other coworkers that his favorite movie of all time is Venom. And I'm just like, I gotta get the fuck outta here. You commiserated with him because your favorite movie is Casino Royale. Oh wow, that's smart.

Are you putting Venom and Casino Royale in the same category? They're closer than I would. They're closer. They're closer than you would like to admit. Eminem did do the soundtrack for Casino Royale. Casino Royale is a crazy place to play poker. Here for venom.

Today's my birthday and I don't have friends. Well that's a fine cake. Shut up. You're 21, you have plenty of years ahead of you. Is this the hate-watch subreddit or? No. No. Brush my teeth for the first time initor? No. No. No. No. No. No.

Brush my teeth for the first time in two weeks today. Ew, dude. Disgusting. You're a pig. No one wants to hang out with you. No. No. No.

No. No. No. We're just going through people. Just strolling through people. Just horribly vulnerable. Oh, man. Yep.

You suck. Next. Next. Admitted myself to the hospital for feeling very suicidal This is my first meal looks pretty good. What do they got it done it kill yourself? One chicken there. It's a piece. It looks good. That looks fine That's probably not America because it looks that way too good to be America My parents found me unconscious yesterday after I tried to overdose on sleeping pills. Anyway, here's today's dinner

Salisbury steak looks awesome. You know, obviously, mental health is a serious thing and I hate suicide. But these people that immediately, they wake right up and then they just go have a big meal. Like Connor just said, it's bizarre to me. They should punish them a little bit. And I think you're a lying suicidal guy.

It's very funny to be like, I'm starving. And I'm famished. You're like, I'm gonna starve to death if I don't eat. That is a thing though, where you try to kill yourself and then you survive and then suddenly you have a desire to keep living. I knew a guy that I didn't know him. Brock knew this guy.

He was like roommates with him. Shot himself in the face with a gun. Oh no. Right through the eye. He lived? Not only did he live, he woke up and he was just all fucking woozy and foggy because he shot himself in the head.

So he's like. He took an Advil and kept it moving? No, no, so he was just like. Oh. Oh. He was reaching around for a phone and kept it moving. No, no, so he was just like, oh. Oh. He was like reaching around for a phone and he was like, ah. He's like, oh.

Oh, shit, I really did enough for it. And then he's like trying to call 911, but he's like, he's like, 119. Oh, all right. And then like, so he, but he suddenly had this like, great will to live. So apparently like, it's, but he suddenly had this like, great will to live. So apparently like, it's a wake up call for a lot of people. Yeah.

Yeah, dude. Oh, fuck. Apparently people jump off the Golden Gate Bridge, they regret it halfway through. Yeah, once you live. Everyone who lives, they say they regret it the second they jump. So a lot of wanna judge these guys too much that are,

you know. I assume everyone that's ever actually killed himself for the split second between the bullet or the whatever, whatever method they regretted it this one's crazy. I would like to think I try to kill myself I feel I wake up first thing. I do kill myself This next one what was this guy's face was it did he did he would did he look like it like he had like his face ripped off by a champ They look cool. I know it's a pistol So it's just like he's like got now like one eye that is pretty fucked so it looks like Mad Nicholson and Christina Really? He's actually kind of famous. He had like a whole dateline on him if you'd go like hell

Yeah, base cult collegiate baseball player shoots himself in the face Hell yeah. Collegiate baseball player shoots himself in the face. Should we go ahead and watch it or is that weird? No, it's on. This one's crazy. This one though we have to watch. Dealing with my mom's loud pedo boyfriend. Is he fucking children loudly?

The person's eating a bowl of whipped cream with a vitamin water in between like a weird, like kind of a child's pillow or something. This person's sick in the head. I have no clue what's going on in that household. Is that like a butt pillow for like hemorrhoids? Is that what that is? It might be. It might be. I don't know. That's very strange. I heard those were bad because I was doing research when I had mine and they said that's actually... Forces them out more.

Yeah. Yes, exactly. What's the dude's, the guy that shot himself? Just go like Las Vegas collegiate baseball players survived suicide attempt gunshot Can we play Dateline on this thing? That's him When drew Robinson great he looks pretty sick to me honestly was a handsome guy like a big feel like a great I know he may make it back to me like baseball or he may not kill himself I don't know it won't be the challenge of his lifetime He's gonna really kill himself you want to shot himself. No, that's a legitimate attempt. Come on. Fuck

I'm the brain in the mouth. No, I is way when you do this you blow your face. How about temple? Sure, but that's an odd one. That's obviously a real attempt. Nobody's like hey, I think it's faking a suicide attempt Let me shoot myself. Yeah, I think he's a faking hillbilly That's what I think he's from Las Vegas. He's not even a self-defense. I don't think this was performative faking hillbilly John You're a sick person John is a bad guy in a sick man. He's sick to my fucking star, dude He's a minor that anyone can struggle and hurt and they can also overcome This is what he wanted from his beginning. His story hits hard. You're crazy.

You just hate Brock. Vegas is the setting for Drew Robinson's rise. He knew he wasn't gonna be in the major leagues. His rock bottom is his return. So he shot himself in the head. One of the promises I made to myself this time around is just soaking it all in

and letting all the emotions come out, good or bad. I mean, he has a tremendous lack of problems on his face for somebody some shot himself like his eye just looks like it shut yeah, that's it It's like the end of winking you know kind of looks he's in a permanent way It was fucking planned, which is charming as hell. I love being like that. He's getting so much But oh my god. I hope he fucks my wife in a bar like this Stop good. There's some of this guy want to tie him up Work basement You gotta stop. God, there's something about this guy, I wanna tie him up. I wanna tie him up, I wanna twerk on him in my twerk basement. My twerk basement. Take him down to the twerk lab.

I'm just so happy to be here. In April of 2020, Drew's attempt at suicide. You get punched in the face? Even after this, what was the gun? Like a rockum sockum robot? How dare you? I don't know what it was. It's just, he just has a black eye.

He's a loser. He attempted suicide by bop it to the face. He tried to kill himself with a Hulk hand. He looks fucking, this is right after, I guess is that for the surgery or something a game of Bobik turned tragic after he pulled and it slipped out of his hand and he punched himself in the eye Miraculously, he's wearing a mask fucking COVID masking fag It's all political all the time sorry bro Brocks buddy, yeah

Obviously kidding, but come on you don't expect some jokes I know I just had to say sorry bro. I'm sorry. I'm doing it brother. I love you Not meant to be you and see and you and LV doctors repaired him the community restored him the ballplayer who lost an eye saw a vivid purpose Stop winking at my wife you son of a bitch And a shot at a comeback I mean his eye just is a little like Yeah, I don't know he looks good honestly He went pro? He might have been like 7

Am I pro or something? I'm not really sure He goes the only thing that's affected was that I didn't get into Harvard because they thought I was Asian Yeah He goes the only thing this affected was that I didn't get into Harvard because they thought I was That's another reason why I'm not taking anything for granted and I'm trying to live this out the best way possible. It's easy to doubt whether he can reclaim a career, but clearly this Las Vagan has mastered the art of beating the odds. Being able to come home and just get that first. What's it called?

What is it? Las Vagans? In front of everybody. There we go. Hell yeah. Alright, let's write for us. Let's look for us. Faggin'. In front of everybody. Let's look for us. There we go. Hell yeah. Yeah.

Alright, let's write this up. Anyways. Yeah, we get it. We get it. You're live, thank God. Join the hate watch motorcycle gang. Hit me up on Instagram. It's fucking, it's fucking.

Get a power patch, add John, you're gonna be fine. We got a bunch of boys. We could organize a group chat full of your fuckin' poll bears. Yeah. Dude, listen. Getting ahead of it. It's fucking fun. You can organize a group chat full of your fucking poll bears. Yeah. Dude, listen. Getting ahead of it. It's fucking fun. You're really responsible. You don't like to procrastinate when it comes to that.

We got a lot of boys in that group. It's fun. Hit me up on Haywatch. You better figure this shit out. Haywatch got fucked up. You better figure this shit out. Jesus Christ. This is sad.

If you got a bike, hit me up. We'll have fun. This is the Patreon. Let's just say that now. The next one's going to be Haywars. This is the Patreon, let's just say that now. The next one's gonna be worse. Just the audio, or the fucking video cutting out. You feel bad about this Joey? I feel bad about the whole app.

Yeah, that's what it is. I feel that it was a low effort app. I thought it was a great app. It's a wonderful off the cuff app. I feel bad about it. I don't know. You killed it. Yeah, I thought everyone was great. great. We all had a good time. Yeah, it was fine It was good for I think it's good, but I think we can Joey likes to you know

Yeah, you're like you're doing that Here's what you're doing. You're going like hey, I'm out of town. Let me just phone one in real quick Vacation let me phone one in Forbidden appbb coming up. Of course, Forbidden Ebb's coming. Forbidden Ebb's coming while they're gone. Secret guest, secret guest. Can't say his name.

Shane Gellis. Can't even talk about it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha To be their spots will probably be butlering. I don't think it's really lovely. You can't keep bringing those people over. I'm sorry those people spots She's trusted individual come over to Captain Jack, how dare you I love Captain Jack. I don't know you guys just have to like tell Ida next time I'm lighter. No, what a cuck you are alone I hope you do get cheated on Here's the thing. I don't let these bitches, I'm in charge, I'm the boss. I always tell these bitches, that's what,

cause I know that it's gonna make them even matter. If I don't let them know, I care. They go, please, if you guys have anybody over, could you please tell my girlfriend what I call you? Dave Chappelle white boys. You are a weirdo right now. How am I a weirdo? Spots is a butler.

The captain Jack. What would he ever do that? Captain Jack. Spots, nothing. Shane Gillis combos can be lovely. Captain Jack works for Disney. Shane Gillis is the spokesman for Bud Light. Do you think he's at background checks? I didn't know.

Buzzin'. I didn't know that the guy was coming last time. Who? Which guy? Spots. He's not a friend. Spots is fine. No new guys, I know that. I know him, but relax.

No new guys, I agree. No like weird guys. No new guys, yeah know that New guys I agree no later guys. Yeah, but Shane Gillis. All right, let's wrap this up Yeah, weird Shane spots captain Jack forbidden episode being on the way. Sorry about that and phoning one in no No, live laugh love in May. I'm gone But we'll do one. We'll do one in June. Live, laugh, love, me, John, Shane, again. We're doing one. No! M.Cole Cultural Arts Center.

Yeah. North Hollywood. Yeah. We're getting real comics. None of these guys. I'm not a Connor's friends that he just met and spent five seconds booking because he didn't wanna do the research.

Logan Kicks ass. I research. Logan kicks ass. I'm obviously Logan kick. I'm talking about the guys that Matt's wonderful. Name the comics you thought sucked. How dare you. Well, I'm just saying some of the guys. First and last names. A lot of guys you booked last minute instead of just doing some research

and spending a little time on the show. You mailed it in, Connor. A lot of people mail and stuff in All right, listen this bit. All right. Bye. I love you