Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #1 of Have A Word (in Dan's Home Studio) w/Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale

Episode Date: January 10, 2020

Adam and Dan kick off Have A Word by talking shit about sharing beds with your partner, the differences between UK and US stand-up and the lack of rules in roast battles. Then we 'Have A Word' with the three listeners who wrote in. Subscribe. tell a friend, spread the word. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is Have a Wad, with Adam Rowe and Dan Nightingale. So, episode one. Yeah. Officially episode one. Yeah. Oh, it's been a long time coming. It's been my lifelong dream since, you know, the one. Yeah. Officially episode one. Yeah. Oh, it's been a long time coming. It's been my lifelong dream since, you know, the end of October. Yeah.

To do a podcast with you. And we've, it's episode one, but it's actually episode 73, isn't it? Because we've done 72 pilots. Well, like, you're, I like, what I like about you is, there's a load of comics who are like, yeah, we should definitely do this thing. Oh, that's a good idea. It's even before they've had the idea for the thing,

we should do something. And then nothing ever happens. It never comes to fruition. I was like, Adam, because I'm doing my podcast and I've got the radio pod trundling along. I was like, the one I did with you was great fun. I was like, episode two is my favourite one. I was like, do you want with you was great fun I was like episode two it was my favourite one I was like

do you want to just do one I've already got a hoodie made eight minutes later Adam's like right lads this is how you do it I'm like oh my god I'm used to being the one

who's like right I've had an idea and I'm going to crack on and like dragging people with me in the end I had to be like Adam you're just going to have to chill out you know because I've got

a family Christmas planned you're looking at me like The 25th is prime record time Your launch on Christmas It's a present for the fans So I'm Mate I'm glad that you've got that drive Have you always been like that?

Have you always been like just on it Like a fucking carb on it? No so I think i get obsessed with things very easily right so my missus hates this because i'm sorry it's not because no because i was obsessed with it in the beginning and then i got bored of it i mean this is nothing against your beautiful girlfriend, but that's pretty much every relationship. You're the best. Oh my God, you've changed everything.

Six months later, no. You put the fucking recycling out. It's just the way of it, isn't it? If you don't want to be in the room while I'm farting, fucking leave the room while I fart. I pay for this room. This is my, I pay this half of the rent. This is my bit.

I actually had that argument with her a while back because she said I take up more of the bed than her I'm often on her side but I'm bigger than you so shouldn't I get more of the bed I love it how petty the relationship is

I'm 16 stone, you're 9 stone so I should get 16 25th of this bed great man i love how you just did that man that's phenomenal i think you realize all i did was add nine and 16 i got it i got what you did but i was i was massively impressed that you that that's how your maths worked um and she's like no it's mine and your bed it's both of our bed and i was like well i paid for all of it so if we're doing that you need to be on the floor you can never but you can as soon as you say the argument you've lost that's it in it yeah the line the middle on our bed there's like a on the headboard there's it's like a metal bit and there's a middle

one and there's been so many nights where even though i'm half asleep i'm measuring where my wife's fucking arm is compared to the middle bar i'm like i'm over the line like it's the gaza strip like like var reviewing offside actually your nipples offside there laura so not my fault i've got big nips roll them up get them on that side I think you just go bigger bed don't you well we've already

got a king size and we haven't really got the room for a super king we do want one though the dream long term is a California king bed right

which is essentially like four king size beds taped together so basically the whole of a two bedroom flat as a mattress that's the dream that's what I'm hoping the Patreon of this two-bedroom flat as a mattress. That's the dream.

That's what I'm hoping the Patreon of this podcast long-term pays for. That's what we're doing. This is what we're doing the podcast for. Mattress money. Yeah, big mattress.

I've just bought a new bed as well. Have you? The reason we've bought a new bed is because we bought a new mattress and Jade wanted a new bed to go with the new mattress. It all sort of makes sense, doesn't it? But the new mattress has been bought

because at the minute we've got a memory foam one and I'm living in a hole. But I move a lot of my sleep as well. So like 16 stone of me just sinks into this bed and creates like a grand canyon of a pit. Your memory foam wants to forget. Your bed's like it fucking won't forget though

it's an elephant of a bed I'm literally in this hole and then like I'll move in me sleep but then as soon as you move in your sleep the bed is still where it was

for the first three hours of sleep so you're now just sleeping on like the side of a hill the dog's falling off the bed it's awful. Jade once rolled over into it and got stuck for four hours. Like an upturned turtle. I'm in your memory groove.

And I thought you could just turn up to a bed store and be like, hey lad, can I have that bed and that mattress? Go ahead. Do you want to follow me home? And they were like, no, we've got to make the stuff. So it's going to be four weeks. I know. You're fucking messing.

I think there should be an option with all of those furniture shops where you walk in and you go, I know you've had customers pretend to live on it and sit on it for a bit. Can I just have that one? Yeah. I would have took it as well. I've got an uncle with a tranny. Can we get him?

Your eyes flashed at me like, Don, where's this anecdote going? I was just talking about a transit van I thought you meant his wife Fucking hell This went into gender way too quickly Just come back from Thailand And that's how long it took

Seven minutes And we're off the fucking rails We're already cancelled What did you mean about obsession though because you're talking about we were talking about i think getting obsessed with stuff so my problem according to jade is how impulsive i am so if i've got an idea i'll just run with it immediately and at times i then get bored of it and don't do it like for example um i've bought a load of like cameras and podcast equipment and i haven't

started my podcast yet i haven't finished my studio but i've spent 1200 quid on stuff yeah because i was like i want to start stuff and she's like yeah but shouldn't you wait until the rooms finish first and i'm like nope let's just buy the stuff now and she hates that because she sees it as too impulsive but if i it's why i sort of maybe you told me months ago you were starting your own podcast exactly it's not and it's still not yet no because i've done it mate as i sit in this little studio whenever because you were the first person that said oh i'm gonna try and do it try and do a little studio and i guess i was like right and that's part of the reason that i came to you and went well let's do it together before you get yours done i've done mine and i can't get enough

people here to do the Hack Radio pod. But I can't keep asking you to just come and do mine. If we do this together, if we do have a word together, it's ours, isn't it? That's sound. But I also, loads of comics have got in touch with me going, I'm thinking about doing a podcast in a studio with cameras. I was like, wicked, yeah.

And at first I was like, oh, I can't believe it. Everyone's nicked my idea, which I've definitely nicked from america anyway but it's not that after about after a couple of months i just chilled out because i was like i've done it and i know how hard it is it's not easy when you're when you're a comic and you're trying to just get on with your normal career and and not you know we're not tech geeks we're not we have to learn it so yeah it is hard to do it i think that if anything it is sensible to just get it. Because otherwise you're going to be... Do you know what, Dan?

Fuck Jade. I'm on your side. Just roll her over to her fucking seven inches of the bed. Just on episode one, baby, I've come back. And you know, according to Dan, you can fuck off. He said I can spend three grand on a new camera today. I've already heard of it. I'm going to pick it up now.

He says I should just follow my dreams. And he says you should have your own fucking bed. See a little queen in the corner. A single. Just like a bunk bed. Are you back gigging yet since the new year? Yeah, man. I'm back because I had a bit of time off in December

when you were doing 14 gigs a day. Yeah yeah i had about a week and a half off because last year i had a pretty bad december run for the last sort of 10 days and i know and like i've been doing stand-up long enough to know which gigs are going to be bad at christmas if it's a christmas works do and they're selling group tickets it's going to be bad but I just sort of slept walked into a really bad week and I got to Christmas like genuinely like fucked off with the industry that I love so this year I was like

I'm going to just duck and dive a little bit but what that meant and I achieved it on Mad Friday you know everyone's like oh my god the internet if you know a lot of comedians on the last Friday before Christmas is so annoying. It's like, good luck, everyone. Brave soldiers of comedy.

Go out there. God bless. Fingers crossed. Am I in Afghanistan? They're in the comedy loft in Birmingham. Also, you booked it in your fucking bell end. Like, oh God, I can't believe that the chuckle fuck hut in Swindon was roughed.

And I was like, I can. It's a shit pit. Normally a good gig, that as well. Yeah, the chuckle fuck hut in Swindon was roughed and I was like I can it's a shit pit normally a good gig that as well yeah the chuckle fuck hut yeah I don't know you got a good weekend in there

in March and I was telling you right now have you ever done a preview a preview but I just know sympathy where people go oh my god I had to do my jokes

and people weren't listening but you picked the worst night of the year I did it up yeah but you're on time and a half yeah to do half the time but you don't have to do it like i did an art center in kettering it was almost like they didn't know it was christmas i got there and they were like are you all right there's like 45 people 50 people in they were dead nice i had a little walk around catering when I got there just got a bit of fresh air I was like guys do you know

what day it is it was honestly the nicest gig you can imagine for that time of year and that's why I've got no time for people going

but what happened as soon as Christmas happened I was like now it's got to be back to gigging because a lot of comics take time off

after Christmas and into the new year it's not normally voluntary no no that's true. But I just like, this is the time of year I want to gig because last few gigs I've done this last week,

it's just been nice people out. Just for a bit of context for any like non-comics listening, like the December month is rough because it's just work parties. And what you got to imagine is let's say there's 30 people in your office and 10 of you love live comedy or 20 just want the free fucking bar that the boss is paying for and it's just a nightmare but then so i did the same comedy club the whole month hot water in live bill that as soon as christmas has gone that gap between christmas and new year was just like that was like doing the the best gigs you can imagine everyone's with

the real friends that i was in couples new year's eve was amazing it's been really good yeah it was uh it's been so nice just to be back to normal where have you been since just done a bit of just just a bit of frog and then this weekend uh i ended up in uh chester and then leeds basically down to my regulars you know when you're like you don't want a big away day do you like oh i've got a gig in aberdeen in January. No, thanks. I'm all right. Yeah. I've just done some tour support. For who?

Theo Vaughan. Do you know Theo? I do, yeah. That's cool. Where was he? He was at the Dance House in Manchester, like the smallest venue he's doing on his tour. He did two nights late.

Just a great night. So he has his own opener. He has his own feature act, but he likes a host. So I had to go on, MC for 10 minutes, bring his feature on. They had a break, and then MC for five and bring him on. Just the nicest gigs in the world, and he's so funny. And just deep south of America, Louisiana. He's from near New Orleans.

He's a Saints fan as well yeah um i watched his special he recorded his special in new orleans yeah yeah it's cool he just he seems really sound oh he's so sound he's really like the soundest guy and just like he's just got a turn of phrase like i'm sure he doesn't mind me sort of mentioning one or two of the things but like one of the lines was i rang this uh hotline and someone answered and it was either a vietnamese lady or a gay fellow who'd had the wind taken out of him i love it i love it all this all that weirdly because like i am a non-believer and i've called myself a card carrying atheist for a long time but he just throws in these really random like

christian bits like god i'd be that be a good be a good christian soldier and you're like where's that come from yeah it's a bit about wanking but him and his support act as well was a guy called ari manis who was grace as well um and yeah if anyone wants to check those guys out that doesn't know them i mean imagine if you know who either of us are you'll know theo Aar, but... That is Netflix for you. That's Netflix in American podcasting, because that's where he's... Well, his podcast's huge, it's called This Past Weekend,

and it's dead, dead popular. He has a load of big names on it. But what was quite interesting about that is, over here, the majority of comics are what Americans would call liberal, and we would call lefties yeah yeah they're not america is more right leaning now we're in the comedy industry and it's just such a weird split isn't it i wonder i'm i sort of wonder why that's happened and how it can happen that the comics over here left wing and over there they're sort of center right do you know

i mean i mean i do it's tricky isn't it i feel that their politics is way more opinionated yeah i think they're used to a culture and their comedy they're yeah sorry that's what i meant the comedy's more opinion the comedy's more politicized from the outside looking in you're like god you're you've had so many sort of heroes of american comedy through through the years like that have influenced politics and even now like with who's like joe joe rogan who's sort of centrist right leaning but his politics comes out he considers himself a liberal right yeah but it's almost not center left it very central he said on his own on his podcast he's he's all over the map really because on some things he's really left wing.

On like guns, he's really like, is it second amendment? Yeah, yeah. But even like over here, I think people are very like, oh, I didn't come here for politics. And you're like, no, but it's, are we not allowed to discuss opinions? Yeah. And I think over there they're a bit more used to ideas being discussed. And you can listen to something like...

You can feel the boredom in a room over here if the word Brexit is mentioned. It's got to be a good joke. It's got to be the best Brexit joke. Because there's a million of them on Twitter already. That's the problem now. Yeah, totally. Topical political stuff is covered so much on social media

that if they come out to... They're looking at it all day and all week and they're talking about it in their offices. If they come out and hear us talk about it, then it's got to be levels above what they're reading and hearing from their mates at work. Yeah. And I think that's why if you mention the word,

they go, ugh. And you've then, you start at a minus four. So to get a 10, your joke's got to be a 14 out of 10. Do you know what I mean? And also what I find, I've got a couple of, I've got one reference about Brexit at the start of my set which

I set the joke up and it gets laughs I mention Brexit it kills the joke dead yeah and then I the punchline

gets it back so well it's worth it being killed dead because the punchline is so good so that's one of those ones where and that's one reference and then

in my current set i've got a bit about stopping the nhs being privatized yeah which is a it's a good bit that's in that which which is not like a controversial thing but again it's like current issues and politics it's amazing how difficult it is to to make those opinions work when the bit before has been about like something really looks like my kid's nursery or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if you do like a silly wanking bit

and then mention Brexit, a crowd will be like, what? What happened? So not only do I think, yeah, you're right. That's like when the Arctic Monkeys released that album last year

and everyone was like, it's a bit fucking different, this lad. It took everyone like a week to go, it's a bit fucking different this lad it took everyone like a week to go it's actually quite good actually but that's why bands stay in their genre

I think you're totally right people are getting it on Twitter and what Twitter does it pulls out the extremes the most controversial that's why Katie Hopkins exists

she exists because she goes so far one way and then everyone goes far there's loads of people on Twitter going, yeah, I'm not sure. I think there's probably two sides to the argument.

Well, that doesn't get brought up in your highlights. So politics on your phone is just all the extremes of like, rah! And then add that to the fact, I don't think there's a history of political comedy, especially live over here. Like you talk about the heroes of British comedy that most people would would

cite as the influences of everyone like peter k leo connelly billy con not massively political it's all sorts of everyman stories are top tier comedy and oh yeah and even like michael mcintyre mickey flanagan john bishop and i'm not saying they're your favorite comics but they are the ones the most successful comics in the country they have shaped the comedy culture. And then how do you get your politics into your set where you've got a bit about wanking, you've got a bit about just some random bit of interaction with the crowd, which is asking them their job. And it jars a little bit, I think, in the set.

I'd never really considered that because whenever I see an American comic talking about American politics, it doesn't make me go, ugh. But if I see a british comic do it i do turn off i'm not in like i'm and i don't want to be that way but i'm not it just does it's not for me do you know i mean when i hear someone do a boris johnson joke i'm like oh but if i hear someone do a a bit about the senate i'm like oh i can relate to this this is yeah it's really when i watch bill burn he does really like theo von just does random like christian things like got like a good christian right it makes me laugh probably really don't know yourself yeah you want to take go outside have a word with the lord jesus christ and then i watch bill burn he throws in really

random sports references out of nowhere there'll be like an NFL reference like this is what we train for like game seven and I think that's hilarious in British comedy as soon as someone goes

like United or City I'm like oh fuck off and I'm a massive footy fan but I'm the same with that it's so funny yeah yeah

what is that is that just over saturation because we are so sick of bellends that we know talking about it. But then it wouldn't work over there, because they'd have the same thing. I don't know what it is. Maybe Americans are just cooler than us, Stan. Maybe we're just all big silly sausages.

I think in comedy it is very easy, because circuit-wise I'm doing great. You're kicking on. I think there's some great stand-up in in britain but i think it is easy for us to look up to them and what they're doing and part of it is maybe because i don't know you can't like i don't know any of them like over here when i see like p.k on something or Jack Whitehall, I'm like, I know these people.

I've met with them. I've worked, you know, like when Chris Ramsey's on something like, yep, me and Chris, I remember his first gig. When I watch American comedy, I'm like, it's almost like they're in a different fucking universe. And that's when I've met some of the American comics, I'm always a bit more like, not star struck, but I haven't got another word for it you know what i mean just a bit like oh that's that guy whereas over here if i meet one of the famous

comics i'm like oh yeah he's he's from 200 miles away so of course i've of course i've met him but i think i've had a theory for a while i think the reason that i'm just talking about stand-up here not comedy in general because obviously comedy covers movies and scripts and whatever but the the top tier american stand-ups, I think, are ahead of our top-tier slightly, and I think it's because as soon as they take their special, they're back in a comedy club full of people who aren't necessarily expecting them,

don't necessarily know who they are. I mean, most of them will know who they are, but they're not playing to their own fans. They're going back with absolute dog shit, notes off a notepad in a comedy club. The week after they take their special, that's what they do. They're back in the gym.

Whereas our top comics tend to take a year off, then they start writing again, and then they do a mini tour of small art centres in front of their own fans. It's almost like a soft landing, isn't it? Totally. They're not staying as sharp as the top tier american ones and i think that's why we're a little bit well peter k who famously doesn't really like gigging

or the circuit does he's one of those ones where he hardly ever comes back yeah i think as soon as he was done with the circuit he was like and that's me never whereas i've worked with johnny vegas loads and they started out at the same time johnny is big news but Peter Kay doesn't want anything to do with it when he was warming up for that arena tour about five years ago he asked around and was like I need a comedy club that runs a comedy night as close to my house as possible and it was that one in Bury that Paul has the Met in Bury he worked out that it was like a 14 minute drive from his house so he booked it for a 40 night run and he did it 40 nights on the bounce. Did his own Edmure festival. Just literally.

So the people are barely like, what? So they got PK. And apparently that's so instead of like touring around, which a lot of comics, like comics now do the, sometimes they do the, you know,

I did a Kevin Bridges and friends a couple of, a couple of years ago where he got the got the stand in Newcastle on a Wednesday and put like me and a couple of our mates on. And within the night, he must've been on stage for about 50 minutes, but he takes the pressure off by having acts like us do our set. So if he's charging a tenner, it's good value. PK's like, no, don't want anyone else,

just 14 minutes from my house, 40 nights in a row. Like the commitment to not having to deal with other comedians is absolutely amazing. Yeah, that's funny. I also think part of the influence in America is HBO and Netflix, which have been doing uncensored comedy since the 80s, just going, we are a subscription-based digital TV station. There's no advertisers who can pull our money away

you can talk about anything and that has spawned so much of it so by the mid-90s you've got you've got chris chris rock doing bring the pain and what have we got in the mid-90s you've got lee evans at his pomp and if you want to know what the difference between british comedy and american comedy is that's it isn't? That is kind of it. Go and watch Wired and Wonderful at Wembley or whatever Lee Evans was and watch Chris Rock bring the pain. And Lee Evans is murdering and he's a great comment.

It's great fun. It's great fun, but it's not the same thing. It's badminton and tennis, isn't it? Oh, it's not even. They both got racket and net. So from a distance, you're like,

are they playing the same thing? It's not the same sport at all. Yeah i think that's a massive part and that's what sort of why i love the podcasting element here with us because podcasting is a little bit it's like it's completely free because i when i was growing up i wanted to work on the radio i didn't even know yet it could be a comedian yeah yeah because in your head you're like i I'm not funny enough, and people might still think that. But you're like, you're looking at these people are demigods on the stage.

You're like, you're just a kid. But I was looking at local radio stations going, I could do that. Oh my God, I did a couple of work experiences. I think the second one was for Radio Wave in Blackpool, 96.5. The Wave. And I watched a guy in a in a three-hour uh program say 96.5

you're listening to the wave 55 times and i even i was like 16 i was like your life shit mate the 96.5 reputation that local radio has within like the the pr industry like i've had various publicists for edmund's own say which one was like this but like i had to do a lot of local radio stuff to promote a tour and they were like i feel really bad for you because they're all just useless cunts there's a reason there's a reason they're only allowed to talk to the people of talking and who's by who's listening going I love Adam Rowe I listen to

does it sell tickets? no of course it doesn't who's listening to you for 12 seconds on the radio going yeah my name's Adam I'm a comedian from Liverpool and I'm coming to Coventry on the 12th are you Adam thanks very much here's Mr. Brightside who's listening to that

and then going he sounds good he sounds really good 14 quid bargain I'm going to see him Adam have you got any material we could do on the show just before I go live

any material you can do what kind of subjects do you talk about I've got a bit about trans okay we're not going to do that we're going to we're going to play Polentini

do you know what was really awkward when a couple of years ago through some sort of nonsense I am sure a couple of people listening know i won best joke of the fringe the dave award i meant i literally saw you on tv in my edinburgh flat it's the most moment of like oh my god it's the most awkward rose on tv in scotland mate it's the most awkward thing in the world so you win it you get told like a week

before but then the day before all those interviews i got all right tomorrow you've cleared your day haven't you and i was like uh well i had not in it but yeah fine nando's cancelled so they went right we're gonna pick you up at 5 30 a.m and i went what brilliant brilliant and they went yeah 5 30 a.m so be ready for like five because i'm always twiddling my thumbs at 5.30am. What are you on about? They were like, you're going to do breakfast TV. So then you get taken to this little studio in Edinburgh, like the BBC studio. There's a green screen behind you.

There's just a camera in your face. There's fucking no one else in the room, right? And every single interview you do is exactly the same. And it's full of, it's just, it's done by the presenters who couldn't give a fuck who you are or what the joke is or that you've won. You are just a segment. Oh, mate.

So they don't even laugh at it, though. That's the thing. So this guy, BBC Breakfast or whatever it was, and he goes, so, well, we are now here with Adam Rowe, who has just won the best joke of the Edinburgh Fringe. So, Adam, how are you, pal? And I went, hiya, mate, you okay? Yeah, just really happy to have won it, blah, blah, blah.

And he goes, so, Adam, come on, mate, tell us a joke. And I went, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And he went, thanks, Adam. Anyway, I had to do that countless times, every single TV news show every local radio station every national news thing and don't get me wrong

that sold me some tickets because you've won an award and people go best joke ever you must be good the worst joke in the show as well ironically

the one that never really got a big laugh by the end of it it's so awkward tell us the joke thanks Adam he's got some bell in his ear going as soon as this is finished we've got to go quickly to camera seven By the end of it, it's so awkward. Tell us a joke! Thanks, Adam! He's got some bell in his hair going, as soon as this is finished, we've got to go quickly to camera seven.

So he's not even listening. How tempting was it to just start doing other jokes? Adam, tell us a joke! Knock, knock. Who's there? I would have loved to have done that. If I'd had that idea, I think I might have done that at some point. Just watching this guy,

because he's got the joke written down in front of him as well. So he's like, it's not what it says on here. Adam's gone rogue. Adam's gone rogue. It was a black fella. Okay, that's all we've got time for from Adam from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

Did you watch the Ricky Gervais monologue from the Golden Globes did you see it? I watched two of those a few years ago I watched them

as a comic I think you're drawn into stuff like that and I find them so so fucking painful and this was a few years ago Really?

that my memory of it I was like I can't do it and this is why I didn't watch it this year is because they showed a clip and it was tom hanks cringing and i was like you fucking leave tom hanks alone and then after he didn't have a go with tom hanks to be fair right but i i was like i have ricky gervais i do like ricky gervais i love some of his stuff i think sometimes

i watch his stand-up and i show i see flashes of brilliance and then other times I feel him doing like a really controversial joke about Down syndrome and rape or something. And I feel like... It's not the same joke. Yeah, it's a joke there. That's the joke you should have done for the BBC when they're interviewing you. And I sometimes think, yeah, I'm not that impressed by that stuff.

And don't get me wrong wrong I like a joke that messes with where the line of etiquette is or political correctness but sometimes I think it's not that brave to do that joke to all of your fans who are there, they've spent 35 quid to see you, they're completely on board

it's a really, I got this email from this woman who said I was really offensive just because I did this joke and everyone's like ah no it's a really i got this email from this woman who said i was really offensive just because i did this joke and everyone's like oh no it's brilliant i almost think come come to where i work yeah yeah and then do that joke and then let's see if it's a good joke i do agree with you on that because like there's some of the stuff he's made i think is amazing and i watch his stand-up and i think again there's flashes of brilliance but i think he never did the circuit, did he? He never did the miles.

So there's some clunkiness to it, and there's some open spotty syndrome to some of it. It looks a little bit amateurish. At times. And, you know, I'm not criticising him because some of the stuff is amazing, and he's one of the most, I think he's the fastest selling ticket-wise comedian of all time.

Yeah. I think his last tour fastest selling ticket-wise comedian of all time. Yeah. I think his last tour sold quicker than anything else ever. So I'm not in any position to go, he's not a good stand-up, but he would be better at it if he'd done more miles on the circuit before he exploded. But this Golden Globes thing is brilliant. Is it? It's so good. I'll watch it then.

And he takes so many shots. And he's digging at Leonardo DiCaprio and DiCaprio's just sat there and having to take it. And I love that he gets to just put people he doesn't really know absolutely just in the most awkward situation. And every comedian I've seen talk about it has said it's brilliant. And every journalist has said it's brilliant and every journalist has said it's problematic

and not funny it's like this is the same week that we've bombed Iran like yeah like and you there wasn't enough opinion articles about like whether we're going to start world war three I've seen more about whether Ricky Gervais was out of line to say that leonardo caprio fucks young women maybe a bit too often he made one little jeffrey epstein joke one prince andrew joke like i think just on the record i'm so glad that he took these shots and i'm so glad these jokes when you see them this is on n in America, a major, major network. Is it live? Yeah. Oh! And they got him back.

And they got, like, there's two things that they muted, which they must have known were coming in advance, because obviously it's all, like, on a, what's it called, an autocue. But they've approved these jokes. And I just think in this day and age, like you were talking before about hbo and netflix going you can say whatever the fuck you want like it's a subscription-based thing and people don't have to watch if they don't want to this is a network that has gone do you know what we need we need to approve this stuff and let them say it and you will like it if do you know what and it's also

in reaction to what happened last year at the golden globes when they got the woman that plays uh eve in killing eve and they got someone else and they they they basically said we're not going to do the the piss taking the roasting style host we're going to just make it very friendly and very inclusive and they had writers uh come on board to write little skits. And, oh my God, it was eye-watering. Joe Rogan played some of it on his podcast and Andrew Santino had some of it on his. And they were debating it. It was the most sterile, cringeworthy,

fucking awful piece of hosting, monologuing ever. And it's because... This is the opposite of that. It's because they've gone, oh, we can't have any more, things have changed. I love the fact that the Golden Globes have gone, yeah, actually, it is good though, isn't it? It's better.

And maybe that's the first little glimpse of coming back from that uber left-wing liberal, like everything is basically cancel culture worthy. The reaction to it has still been the same as it always is to that sort of stuff that the amount of articles that are like should we really be allowing ricky gervais to say these things should we be giving this man a platform with the things he said in the past do you know what yeah we should it was fucking brilliant and i'm just done with people who don't do comedy telling comedians what is good comedy.

No, yeah, you're totally right. Like, journalists going, is this funny? Well, every comedian on the planet is saying it is, so shut the fuck up and go and review a restaurant in Times Square, you daft cunt. You know, you're right. But you know why they're doing that? It's because it's not a comedy show.

It's basically like, you know when you get criticised after a corporate gig and someone goes well we didn't really expect but he kills it no of course but no one's writing that piece about his stand-up or a stand-up show because they're like yeah that is comedy oh i know but not but not to the same extent the reason i think it gets so much kickback is it says it's an award for actors and and this is it's prestigious it's basically he's doing the most high visibility corporate in comedy history but he's literally he's done everyone in the room he's nailed it oh mate i'm on your side i'm just trying to get i'm just trying to give a reason for why they get their knickers in such a twist about it is it because they're like can't we just do it nicely like we did that a year ago it was shit

i think also the the line where he points out the hypocrisy of the people in the room and i think when you point out hypocrisy everyone who is that same level of hypocrite takes it as a bit of a dig yeah i mean so what he says is he goes apple have um launched their streaming service this year. And, you know, they're going to probably win an award tonight for their show, The Morning Show, which is a show about, you know, doing the right thing made by a company that runs sweatshops in China. And, you know, you know, yeah, you all say you woke in this room, but look at the companies you work for. You work for Apple.

You work for Disney. If ISIS started a streaming platform, you'd all call your fucking agent. So if you win an award tonight, come on the stage, right? Don't use it as a political platform to make a point because you know nothing about the real world. You've got no position to be lecturing the general public on anything. Thank your agent, thank you God, and fuck off. I love it. I'm already watching it. I'm watching it just for that.

It's so good it's really really really good I am not good with the roast comment I just it just makes me cringe

I don't know what it is I don't know why I'm such a fucking pussy for it but then actually as long as I can cut out the bit when someone shows me a good bit I'm like oh god that was good yeah like I literally

I love Jeff Ross's from from from all his roasting and if you follow american stand-up jeff ross is a bit of a roast master general he's a he's a bit of a roast legend and watching him roast i really enjoy which is totally that's hypocritical for me for going oh roasting makes me cringe but there was something about a few years ago when Robert Downey Jr. got his knickers in his fist and now I'm smiling because it is funny because he's such a pompous twat. But the just general atmosphere, I have a problem with not empathising

with how cringey it would have been in that room. And I almost find myself imagining sitting there going, oh, God, this is hard work. This slides us nicely into a little plug for me. So at the end of this month um Roast Battle UK is back on Comedy Central

and I'm gonna be on it oh sorry uh can we just can we just slide into that uh talking about roast yeah

Roast Battle UK is back at the end of this month I think or it might be early February on Comedy Central and I am gonna be on one of the episodes battling Maisie Adam

nice one so uh keep an eye out for that and and let me know who you think won. Yeah, they're listening to our podcast. They like you. They're not going to be like, Adam, Maisie fucking Riggs. There's going to be some hate listeners on this though as well. There's going to be some people who think we're both twats, like listening to hate it.

Wow. Yeah, listening to what we say. Waiting for a bit of cancel culture. Yeah, yeah. They're definitely listening no pressure there then who would you roast before we crack on

who would you roast if you could roast anyone Sophie Hagen you didn't even fucking have to think about it I begged Comedy Central

to get here to battle me on the telly she said no I've got it written I've read it you've read it if you started writing Comedy Central to get here to battle me on the telly? She said no. I've got it written. I'm ready to go. If you started writing for roast bars that haven't happened. Yeah.

I'm like a rapper from the 90s. I've got diss tracks ready for all these motherfuckers. Oh my God. I love it. Yeah. Half the level of roasting you. Yeah. Roasting my butt. I've it. Yeah? Half the level of roast in you. Yeah. Roast in my butt. I've done two roast battles now.

I did my tryouts against Deliso Chiponda, and then I've done Maisie Adam. And if I get to do another series, I'll battle whoever they want me to battle, but the final boss, Dr. Robotnik, of roast battle for me is Sophie Higgins. The big boss at the end. The big.

And the level. The body positive boss at the end. The big. And the level. The body positive boss at the end. Sorry, did I say big? I meant in terms of stature. Did you? There we go. There's the hate listeners. I've only done rap battles,

and the first one was a doddle because I did it against Roe Campbell, who got his knickers in a twist about my agent not booking him i was like roe this makes you look like a little bellend and i'm not my agent this makes you look unbookable so i just i just i wasn't even being that vicious mine were just funny because they rhymed and i was like well that's a good formula let them be annoyed and i'll just do slams you know really that are just funny yeah then the next one i did was with justin moorehouse and he was like mate we're not going too hard are we whenever on any pre pretext you with any roast battle or rap battle thing comedy wise and says

we're not going too hard never be stupid enough to be like ah justin wouldn't fuck me over on this one oh my god do you get fingered he i honestly knuckle deep he was also sharing a flat with our mutual friend danny mclaughlin who swore on his life that he didn't give any information to justin but every slam that really stung reeked of danny mack you know you're like you little shit yeah it was too specific it was too good justin's like and it and it remember that time you left the pen in the sink and he built up he started like talking about girls i'd slept with i was like mate come on and it was it was too good and it was they were good i was like cuz i'd because he'd

messaged me and gone we're going easy aren't we i was just doing gentle shit and then he built up he did one about my dad having parkinson's which was so fucking funny to be fair and then he built up to basically go and you've nicked a load of jokes and then started listing bits of material i'm like oh my god danny mack i could fucking murder danny mack yeah that reeks of danny mate with danny's max ocd autism about who's maybe nicked a bit. Yeah. And I've never nicked material, but when you turn over a load of stuff, you clip bits. Yeah. And a joke

thief goes, no I've not, no I've not, that's bullshit. And someone who goes, my mistake, can either fight their point, or they just give up the bit. And I've had to give up a bit that was way too, like, Mick Ferris. I literally had not seen it and danny mack pointed out he's never let me forget it yeah i stopped doing the bit within a few weeks and

i've never done it since so all of a sudden justin has this piece of information that previously he did not fucking know built up and at that point the rap battle was going fine as soon as a comedian calls another comedian a joke thief, and afterwards I was like, Justin, what the fuck was that? He was like, oh, it was just a joke. You're like, you can't do it, mate. That's basically like calling a primary school teacher a pedo in school, innit? Yeah.

That's the one thing. The thing is, though, I know it's horrible, but I think if you get involved with a roast or a rap battle, it's coming. Like, the worst thing you've ever done can come your way. Yeah, especially if you've got fucking Voldemort in his ear. For every comic listening, because there will be comics that listen to this. Yeah, if you take a roast or a rap battle you and you think you can take anything off limits because when i did the the one on the telly i i found something about maizey and i was like right

this is a really really really good thing and i can use this and there wasn't enough to really work with maizey apart from this thing in the end i managed to work it out but i was like right i've got this and i wrote two killer you know what this is my podcast i can say it on this it's not going on telly when when maisie was a kid where is this going she was left in a hotel room by her mom and dad and they went out for the drink and she was far wandering around the hotel she was madeline mccann yeah oh so my i said um she was left in a hotel room when that went for a drink but she made it back they didn't lose her

her nickname at school was Maddie McCann get rid of her right I said you've won this rap battle she's she's

the only abandoned child who ever made it back even the paedophile ring she was sold to wouldn't fuck her that's for real oh my god but they wouldn't fuck her that's for real oh my

god but they they because she said oh that that's um in my tour show yeah so she said because that's like a reveal at the end of my tour show you can't say it on the telly because then if people watch it and come to me tour they'll already be at the end she'd already claimed it yeah so oh that's good though mate weirdly that is fine i still think calling someone a joke thief is is do you know what she wants so when i won best joke at the fringe the son claimed that i'd um nicked it and she wanted to bring that up now initially i'd said to her nothing's off limits do whatever you want but as soon as she said um you can't do that i went well you're not doing nothing yeah do you know what i mean it's if you're not a comic it must be weird to be like god you've you sound really het up about this there is something really out of order when someone's not a joke thief throwing that shit

at them it's it's like when you when a couple splits up it's literally like the mum who wants full custody going uh he fiddles with her yeah it's you're like you absolute yeah what yeah and i and i know it's the worst thing a comedian can be called yeah the same way like being a non-c teacher is the worst thing a teacher can be called or any i know what you're saying i just maybe i maybe this is because we're in the bubble but what made it worse was i wasn't expecting it yeah i wasn't expecting it yeah because we i've already done one roast battle and it went smoothly i was like these are quite nice these are fun and then we'd also prepped it back on we're gonna go easy and i'm like afterwards i was like just are quite nice these are fun and then we'd also prepped it by going we're going to go easy and I'm like

afterwards I was like Justin how is that going easy he's like oh I just I just thought you know I thought it'd be alright

you're like fuck I think he's a bit sneaky Justin no he's naughty for that that was naughty I think he is a bit

sneaky like that I think he's it's a bit self-serving that with fucking quirl in his ear when I when I

if Justin Morehouse took his hat off Danny Mac Danny Mac would be in the back like It's a bit self-serving, that. With fucking Quirrell in his ear. When I battled... If Justin Morales took his hat off, Danny Mac would be in the back like... And you did that bit like Nick Ferry. When I battled Deleso, it was almost the exact opposite of that. So we did the battle in London on a Friday night. You rose-battled anled a African Malawian comedian

you must be like when you were writing you were like oh god no I went I went hard mate because mid week

so we were battling on a Friday and the Tuesday Wednesday night we were at Hot Water in Liverpool and he was on both on and he was like I've got this battle Friday

and I was like yeah he went let's not swap jokes we don't want to do that and I was like okay and he went and come hard because i'm coming hard so you know it needs to be a battle and i did the opposite of what justin did to me and i went okay cool so i wrote all my stuff i was sending it to other comics going what you think of this what you think of this one and i got my five jokes fine-tuned and look delisa if you listen to this i'm sorry because obviously there's no well there is footage of this comedy central i've got it because it was like a trial for them

he didn't speak to me for a while he left the building he didn't he didn't stay around because it was one-sided because i took every bit of fat out and i because he said he was like nothing's off limits so I went for African jokes racist jokes because it's a roast battle and yeah the crowd the crowd was also like

what a horrible word very diverse like it was in North London and such a mixed crowd and the black guys in the crowd Darren Harriot was there at the back, just falling apart. Darren Harriot is at one point tackled. As a black man, that's too far.

But afterwards, it was just, I'll tell you something. But it was in the spirit of the night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't think Deleuze expected me to be quite as good at it as I was. So he's egged you on, not realising how far it can go. And he also, he made, so they went, realizing how far it can go and he also he made so they went who wants to go first and he went let him go first which is the worst spot so he

sort of put me first but it fucked him up because my first joke was essentially the flip of what his first joke was gonna be so in his head he just had to delete that and lose a joke so he was light on so he thought he was gonna do the he'll open i'll close yeah yeah but my so my first joke was i'm pretty sure i'll win this being shit at roast battles is in deliso's blood he's from a long line of people who've been owned right and his his first line was gonna be um this this is, Liverpool's the capital of slavery in the UK, but this time it's the black man owning a Scouser.

So he can't, he's just done his own joke. I've done it before he got to it. He called me the pig David Cameron fucked, and I responded to that by calling him a fat bald Carlton Banks. He's the fresh prince of nowhere. It was, it Carlton Banks. He's the Fresh Prince of Nowhere. It was...

It was a massacre. He had some good stuff, but it was... He can write a joke. Oh, yeah, well, he's a great comic, but it was... Yeah, I... Do you understand what I mean? I can understand why some comics don't go in for the roasting stuff. I'm not...

Oh, yeah. I just sometimes... But it's very much in my wheelhouse yeah yeah yeah I really like it and like there are some brilliant comics that can't

and don't want to do the roast comedy stuff oh totally and there are some it's a totally different thing there are some weirdly not great stand up comedians who set

great roasters who are so good at roasting it's almost like something like the format and the structure of it and then also the fact that they are borderline sociopaths. It all just clicks in and you're like, oh my God, you were meant for this. It's just well-timed bullying. Yeah.

And I went to a school where you had to bully people or you got bullied yourself. Hobbit Mugabe. bully people or you got bullied yourself so hobbit moog arby it's also you get time to think about the bullying you don't even have to be on the spot you're like i've had two and a half months to prep this deliso used to be a rapper the notorious hiv you know if anyone's listening waiting to hear when we fuck up it's not available on apple podcasts spotify or wherever you get your pods this is have a word

with adam rowe and dan nightingale so it's the have a word section um this is our main feature it's going to be in every single episode. And this is what the podcast is all about, really. This is us doing an agony and style section where we sort of try and give a bit of advice to you or your mates. So if you've got someone who's got a bit of a problem going on, if one of your mates are a bit annoying, a bit of a bellend sometimes, you want us to have a chat with them and go,

lad, sort your life out here. We need to have a word with you. Or if you just need to tell the story of you, any loved ones, anyone you know, and mate, it's like almost like a social intervention

where you go, someone's got to speak to you, but I can't go through the cringe of doing it myself. I'm just going to get Adam and Dan to slag you off on a podcast. Absolutely. Have a fucking word.

The best way to get these into us is to tweet them to us at have a word pod. You can also tweet them to us at have a weird pod you can also DM them to us have a weird pod on Twitter it's the same on Instagram and we are have a weird pod

at gmail.com alternatively if you follow me or Dan specifically I mean you should be following the podcast as well but you can't just DM us get them into us any

way you can and we'll try and get through as many as we can on every single episode and we want to have a weird podcast yeah we want the pod to be interactive we don't want it to be...

I mean, mate, I love chatting shit, but I want it to be as interactive as possible. It's not just us just, like, fucking chatting every episode. I want to hear the level of bellendery that our listeners suffer through. Well, we've got three submissions already. Solid. So the first one,

Dear Adam and Dan, I'm really looking forward to the podcast and I'm hoping you'll have a word with my mate Alex. Over the Christmas period, he's got back together with his ex-girlfriend. She's super controlling. She's violent. She's even bitten him in the past and he's taken her back all because her nan died on Christmas Day.

All of us, I'm assuming that's his mates, have been saying that just because she's got a dead nan, it doesn't make her a good person. But he's not listening. Maybe he'll listen to you guys as he's seen you both perform and likes you both. That's from Thomas in Manchester. Literally nearly everyone in existence has had a dead nan.

Hitler had a dead nan hitler had a dead oh god he's invaded poland i know 50 years before he was born austria oh five but he's still suffering from it so alex lad you've got back together with a girl because her nan's died. Can we just go through the list of... Because that's a mate talking about his mate. This is, just from the outside looking in, I'm sure this girl has her plus points. She's bitten you.

Is she fit? I think she must be fit. She must be, like, a seven or above like seven or above because you can't get back with a six who's a biter no lad is gonna keep dating a month who nibbles hey if you're not attractive you can't be taking chunks out of you but that's such a lad thing in it oh she's bitten me again just fuck her off mate i don't, she's got a really nice arse. If she's taking chunks out of you, like,

she's violent, that must mean she twats him. She's violent. Maybe she killed her nan. Boxing day? Fuck off, nana. Alex, are you thinking of dumping me? Fucking link set,

I'm a girl. Bastard to death With an empty card Where's me money in here Right Have you ever been Have you ever been with a girl That's been violent No

Punched you Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Seriously Yeah Not like

On a Tuesday for no reason But like In the middle of a mad row You've said the wrong thing And they've gone, you twat. Yeah. I really punched for the...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But not like, not like she's come home and took her day out on me. Where's me tea? Couldn't find parking. Boss was a twat. Get out of your dickhead.

Not like that. Not like, I've never been a victim of domestic abuse. Just Adam Caron in the corner. I've been punched for the same reason you might punch me if I've been punched for the same reason you might punch me

if I've said like something really offensive specifically about you is it the way at Deliso wanting to punch you yeah I had a pebble thrown at my head

and it wasn't even in an argument I was playing champ man I think you know this is back in the day and I think you know you're playing champ man too much as if we were sort of

I was with a girl and we'd been together a while like really nice girl and still not even we didn't even end that eggy

but she was trying to have an argument about me so much and I was like you know when you're playing championship manager and you're like it's a key point

of the season like I'm in the fucking champions league with like York I love a key point of the season. Like I'm in the fucking Champions League with like York. I love, I love Champman for just the bullshit. Do you know what I love as well? I've got Southport to the Champions League. You're showing your age a bit here

because Champman changed to Fussy Man in like 2005. Yeah, well that's when I was, I was out. And I still played Champman until about 2012, but I just paid it on the old format. Champman 0-1-0-2, they perfected it. I was like, I'm done here, this is me. I was it on the old format champ man 0102 they perfected it i was like i'm done here this is me i was still playing the old version of the game i was playing it so much and she was trying to have an argument with that i wasn't engaging because i was like i've got a big match coming up and she got so annoyed and she was a little bit of a hippie

and for some reason she had like a pebble that she'd found on the beach fucking threw it at me mate and in my head i'm like i was the victim there you were you you're a victim have you never why are you throwing pebbles i'm not saved this season fucking cycle imagine if it like landed on one of your buttons and deleted something then out of it eh the bad mate have you never been punched in an argument by a girl like where like you've said the wrong thing honestly i think because i i i will admit and my my missus puts up with this um god bless her when we have a screaming row it's roast battle time like my filter's gone i've got no brain to mouth filter if i'm angry right so i say the most horrific shit right and also i i i say things accidentally that winded up like a couple of

weeks ago I bought a new coffee machine and this started an argument and I didn't mean it to but I've just got this way of saying things that wind women up so I went

I'm going to put my coffee machine here babe and she went no that's the only bit we've got to like prep food when we're cooking and I went

when do you cook and that wasn't even the worst bit so that angered a little bit she went i cook all the time and i went you need you need room for a bacon tray see that's why i've been punched in arguments because i didn't even mean that as an insult so when i'm trying to wind someone up when i'm trying to be hurtful when you when you're angry yeah so I assume...

I'm hoping this girl has only punched him when he's been in our bed like that, but maybe she's just... No one takes it seriously anyway. No one takes it seriously. I'm about to sound like the biggest incel ever. We get beaten up all the time. We break one woman's jaw

and it's all over the fucking internet. But I get a scratch on my cheek and no one gives a fuck but I but but weirdly no one

it really isn't taken that seriously domestic abuse against men isn't taken seriously like why don't you just bang her out but you're like it doesn't work like that

all joking aside if she's violent have a word yeah I know like the biting the biting things it's easy to take the piss

that could be sexy that's not if that how long you been seeing each other like two months if she's biting at two months don't marry this bitch because it's not gonna

honestly like marriage like I've been married five years you get to a point where you're like no I'm not I'm adding years I've just added years to my hang on how long have I been married

I've been with three and a half years, right. So, there are days where it's not easy. It's a long thing. Like, if early doors, she's banging you out and nibbling on your fucking shoulder, that's not going to just, like, now we're engaged, that's stopped. That'll get worse.

This has got to be long-term, surely, because if he's got back with her after all that... Right. Like, and he's close enough that he cares that her nan's dead. He's met this nice guy. Who is attractive enough that you would accept a nibble and a punch? Like if I was dating Rihanna, I'd be like... She's known for fucking taking it. I'm sorry

what comedian would I be if I didn't take an open goal like that? Oh Jesus. Would you hit her back? If like if you were with someone else let's say not Laura so that you don't have this discussion later on but a woman like she's beating you up

would you twat her back? about one i'd never be with someone like big brenda i this sounds really sexist i want to be i'm solving your weight class yeah yeah yeah yeah like on a scale i want light middleweight like middleweight i honestly i'd never be with someone that could twat me that's genuinely how I feel I need to know and this is an insecurity in me and it's not a good thing I've never ever ever got in a physical fight with anyone I've been with my wife Laura

but I've never been in a physical altercation but also at the same time I've never been with a girl you're not confident I'm sure I'm quoting someone stand up like if it went to the ground I'd be all right just headlock get it down in no punches i'm just restraining i honestly think in me i've got the strength and also just some of the you know like if i worked in a mental institution i'm sure they'd like have holes or they'd like pull their arm a little bit nothing's

broken but it's just a control i reckon i'd be all right yeah but no I've never I've never got and I think as soon as you do I think a lot of men are like that I think they'd like to admit like to say that they're not and not admit it but I think a lot of men wouldn't be with a woman

that they could they could take mate Misha Tate who's a former UFC champion Ronda Rouse Ronda Rouse they're amazing they're so sexual

beautiful skilled they're athletes they're impressive humans The Rowdy Ronda Rousey. They're amazing. They're so sexual. They're beautiful. Skilled. They're athletes. They're impressive humans. Not a fucking chance. Not a chance. I don't think I could be in a relationship with Ronda Rousey, but I'd like her to beat me up and fuck me.

I don't think so. I want her to fuck me. I want to lie there and let her go bananas. But when does the violence come in afterwards? Because as soon as you finish... No, Joran, fuck off, lad. Knock him out. Fuck off.

Adam, I'm not doing that again because you're unconscious at the end. How's things going with you and Rhonda, lad? Yeah, all right. At least she doesn't fucking bite. To gain UFC rules. To be fair, I know she loves me because she never kicks me when I'm down

no I just I think as soon as you as soon as you get violent back you've lost you've lost the moral like you're the victim even if you're if you're being bullied

like I know I'm saying people don't take it seriously if they're being violent towards you you you have some as soon as you even come back with

20% force in response I think you lose I think you lose the moral high ground so no I've never so what's our advice for the guy who wrote the song is called Thomas and his mate is Alex so we're having a word with Alex, Alex lad

unless you think you can restrain her you need to jib it off So, number two Ready for number two? I am You haven't seen any of these Next week we'll try and flip it

I'm a little worried about number one I hope he's alright Stay brave So, number two Hiya lads, my name's Kirsty And my friend Angela is an absolute nightmare. Every time we go out, which is usually once a week, Angela always ends up disappearing with different lads

and leaves me on my own. She will literally neck anyone if they'll buy her a drink, and I'm sick of standing in nightclubs waiting for her to come back and do whatever it takes to get a bottle of VS. She's got a good job, too. She's minted. She doesn't need random lads paying for her night's out. She needs someone to have her way over there, but every time i try a cause has made her can you do it for me thanks

can't wait for the podcast kst in liverpool first of all right these are going out once a week yeah and they're drinking a bottle of vs as well she's not even going for wicked she's going for cheap as soon as you said vs i was like you know how I referenced the wrong champ man game I'm pretty sure VS were out like when I was doing like the college dues at Arabella's in Preston people who can't afford

are wicked austerity that's what the Tory government have done for this country Kirsty's drinking VS passion fruit all your activists are scouse you know

sorry so they're quite young but I reckon these have got to be like below 25 BS. Passion fruit. All your activists are scoushing over it. Sorry. So, they're quite young, but I reckon these have got to be, like, below 25 to be going out once a week and drinking BS. Yeah? I don't know, mate. Fair assumption? I don't know. I don't know.

I don't think you can, you know, they might still live in the high... I don't know. It's not really about an age thing, because it's annoying at any age. No, but what I'm wondering is, what 20-year-old is called fucking Angela? at any age that's... No, but what I'm wondering is, what 20-year-old is called fucking Angela? I think you're having a word

about the wrong thing. Like, first of all, before we get into this... Let's have a word with Angela's ma. I'm going out with my... She's 22. She's beautiful.

She's called Linda. The problem here, Kirsty, is we could talk to your mate. We could have a word, but I think that sounds like that's a character trait. I think that's how she's going to be. And I'm not saying, my first reaction to that is, you can still be mates with her if she's a good mate,

but I don't think she's a good drinking buddy. I think the problem here is... Maybe we're having a word with Kirsty. You need to accept who she is. Maybe that is kind of, it's almost like that's her coding yeah and if you don't if you like her as a mate and you get on and you get on really well you speak on the phone and you sometimes go out for food and you're literally there for each other's mates sometimes just not good drinking buddies mate i when i used to go clubbing in newcastle

after we'd finished uni and i was starting getting into comedy my best mate was a guy called matt and he and i are still best mates now like literally 20 20 odd years later nearly and he was the best man at my wedding even back in newcastle on a night out i bend him off because he was we just and he sort of knew it we just weren't great at going out and i ended up hanging out with a couple of lads and we'd end up at after parties and i i'm not mates with those guys particularly now but but at that age we just work better as matt would always want to go home early bang sorted you just sort of go this isn't where our friendship is is the best yeah yeah that sort of sounds like it's on kirsty to be like mate i love you to bits but you are dog shit to go out with. They might only have each other, though.

It could be sad. Is it because... If you're under 25 and you've only got one mate, what has gone on? I'm 38 and I've got three. It's not a good sign if you're under 25 and you're down to her name. Yeah, I love the phrasing of it, though. She's got a job, too.

She's minted. She doesn't need random lads paying for a night's house. She'll do anything for a bottle of V.S. Do anything for a bottle of V.S. Yeah, but that's not about the money, is it? That's not about the money.

That's just about the attention. Sean's the dick. I'm saying, I'm saying, there's nothing we could say. There's nothing anyone could say. There's nothing Kirsty could say to fix this. I think that's Angela's form. I think she might be like that in five years in 10 years i think some people are just a bit of a nightmare for chasing don't marry angela

she's gonna go out and club neck they're risky risky business and i just think it's on kirsty to be like i don't know man yeah sorry that's backfired, Kirsty, but we're having a word with you. You need to accept your mate and get some new ones, girl. It's not... We're not criticising. Yeah. I totally sympathise with Kirsty,

but I don't think the solution is like, right, Angela needs to do this. I think Angela's always going to do that. Yeah. Adam and Dan, my son Anthony has just turned 22 and has zero savings.

Okay, I think that's okay. Let's just end here. I'm going to side with Anthony. Is his name Anthony? Yeah. I don't care what's said after this. I am 38

and I am only one step ahead of Anthony and that's because my Nana died. And I didn't kill her and neither did Alex's girlfriend. Is that why Laura got back with you? Yes.

To the house. She's fucking bored of me and I'm like, babe. Go on, sorry. My son Anthony has just turned 22 and has zero savings. He's got a well-paid job and earns over £500 a week.

22? It's a good job. Oh, good, yeah. But as soon as he gets his wages, he's straight down the pub filling himself with vodka red balls until every penny's gone. VS.

Then he's got to borrow money from me every Monday to get himself through his own payday. Ooh. I'm sick of it. Someone his age should be looking to save money for the rainy day, never mind to get through through the week i want you to tell him that he should get himself a girlfriend and calm himself down yeah you can fucking get back get alex take alex's

beard off him she'll calm you down lad and watch out for angela you spent all the fucking money again kid pow yeah he should get himself a girlfriend I want you to tell him that he should get himself a girlfriend to calm himself down then start to save and look after himself a bit better

the vodka rebels are bad for themselves he's constantly got chest pain and heart palpitations have a word with him with us he's a fan of yours and will definitely listen to your new podcast

it's from Graham in Newcastle Graham I've got a bit of bad news for you dear mate but if your kid is going out on one night out, spending 500

quid and waking up the next day with heart palpitations, that ain't vodka Red Bull doing that, bro. There is not enough Red Bull in the fucking world. He is on the Mozambique. He's out for the

weekend. He's on that Bolivian match in Parra. Wow. Anthony's on the Cochlear. Nah, well, we don't know that. We do. He could just be.

We do. We do. You do. Yeah, I'm just trying to side with the poor lad. Can we just separate the savings bit? Because that is such

a dad talking, isn't it? Yeah. I think he should have to have Because that is such a dad talking, isn't it? Yeah. I think he should have money. In a building society, he hasn't even got an ISA. He's nearly 23. He's off on that. He's not even nearly 23, though. He's just turned 22.

But you do have to sort your money out a bit. You can't be coming to your dad every Monday being like, mate, can you give me money? That is a bit of a bell sniff. Especially your dad every monday be like can you have any money that is a that's a bit of a bell sniff especially if you spend 500 and odd quid but the main thing is do not get into that credit debt don't do that shit it i will honestly the bank of dad repossess what your telly for a week don't get just don't do the credit card. If you're a bellend with money, it's fine if you go, I've got this money, I'm a bellend.

Oh, that's fine. That's me. Jizz your money, that's fine. As soon as you're going to anyone who gives you a nice shiny bit of plastic with a pin code like, oh, I'm not doing so good on money. Could I have 5,000 pounds?

They'll be like, yes. Those cunts are evil. Yeah. Oh, don't do don't do what you're saying is anthony keep doing what you're doing kid take the money off your dad and who'd you get your uh vodka rebel up because it sounds like good shit yeah could anthony get in touch with us for the uh have a weird christmas party please we might do that up in newcastle you can be our supplier that's the that is that red bull stuff the if you drink too much red bull did i tell you about because i i don't drink coffee and since i've had a kid i've started drinking an energy drink in the

morning a zero sugar like a low sugar one and people are so bad for you i love it when people do that and they're like it's so bad for you and love it when people do that and they're like it's so bad for you and you're like like eating sweets or you're like oh sorry thanks for that like you're so healthy yourself i get it it's probably not great but i'm not drinking like loads of them but because i don't drink coffee and daddy needs that kick i'm waking up my child's a fucking do you not like coffee i just don't like coffee right i've never liked so i haven't had coffee for a month because I've been on a teeth whitening course thing

where you can't have staining stuff. I'm craving coffee. I've got to have it tomorrow. Yeah, you could be... Caffeine is seriously addictive as well, isn't it? If you just drink loads of caffeine and then have a break, you get headaches and shit. I've been awful.

Smack head. I've been awful. I've got white teeth and I can't enjoy it because I'm just tired and grumpy. look at his beautiful teeth while he's sleeping i i was in a like a mccall so what i do is i'll like buy just like three or four and then stick them in the fridge and i'll have one a month sometimes i don't finish them i just like it i know it's not good but i don't booze anymore so fuck it i'm not drinking vs i'm going for it that's what I do.

As in, there's some random McColls. And I bought, I was buying three or four. I think I was buying three. And this guy, out of nowhere, just behind me,

I'd say he was about your age, just went, mate, you need to change your ways. That shit will kill you. You know, when you're in a queue, you're almost like,

almost like doubled and like, does he work here? What you're almost like, I was like, doubled and like, does he work? What? I felt like, I was like, I sort of looked at the guy behind the counter who's like looking at me going,

I don't know what's happening either. I'm serious, mate. My brother dropped dead on a heart attack. 27 years old. He was drinking that shit all day. I was like,

right. Seriously, you need to change your ways. It was so confident. It was change your words it was so confident it was so northern and it was so loud I nearly like gave the monster

back and I was like the fuck off I was like right yeah no well I need to I'm such a pussy I was like yeah

I bought them but I was like I do need to cut down to be fair to Graham who's written in you know you were saying

the sun might not be on the old sniffle ddiffle. I did go to the hospital once because I had heart palpitations and it was because the night before I'd been drinking pints of vodka Red Bull. So, it can happen, but

it's the money issue for me. If he's spending 500 quid on a night out, vodka Red Bulls are two quid. That means he's having 250 vodka Red Bulls. Even if he's out for 10 hours, that's 25 an hour. Or he's doing the Tony Montana thing of that. I lost all my little... Like, buying everyone booze and...

Like, what's he doing? What? He's buying everyone booze and then the money off his dad to get through the week. You reckon? Oh, mate. You're giving him too much rope here. He's on the powder. But, er...

Look, Anthony, we don't think... too much rope here he's on the powder but look Anthony we don't think we don't think you should have savings at 22 in fact I wouldn't trust you if you did

we're on your side on that one I mean long term sort yourself it's fine but that happens naturally anyway that stuff

even if you're not now eventually you'll be like oh I need to sort out I've only done that this year I'm about to turn 28 how much is he paying his dad in rent? If he's not paying rent,

and he's doing 500 quid a weekend, and then coming whimpering on a Monday, have a word, mate. You've got to have a word. Yeah, you shouldn't have savings, lad, but you need to be getting yourself through the week, innit? And just leave 100 quid in the house. Take all your money out of the bank, give 100 quid to the house. Take all your money

out of the bank, give 100 quid to your dad and go, give me that on Monday. Just treat your dad like a bank. Like, dad, I've been paid 500,

200, do not let me have this till Songs of Praises finish on a Sunday. If I haven't heard the heartbeat theme tune, I can't touch that though. Just literally

watching Antiques Roadshow going, God, dad, the heartbeat theme tune I can't touch that though just literally watching Antiques Roadshow going God Dad give me me money how much do you think

this is worth is it worth about 200 quid oh you're getting an erection every time he hears

fucking green grass shouts get off me dough ski Sunday comes on he's like ping oh erm yeah Congrats, shout. Graffito! Ski Sunday comes on, he's like, ping!

Yeah, we don't think you should have savings, lad, but you do need to sort yourself out there in here. Stop bawling, mate. Lay off the fucking... Red Bull. Lay off the pile of Red Bull. Lay off the Red Bull. That crystallised mouthster. We think you're going to be all right, lad,

but you do need to kick up your ass there so graham we're on your side apart from the savings thing no 20 year olds should have savings the mates won't like them yeah man i enjoyed that i enjoyed talking about other people's lives with my own like what right have i got to talk about people messing around with money as he sits in his fucking podcast studio. That is like, you've spent thousands of pounds on all of this stuff. And my, my daughter's bedroom hasn't even been decorated yet.

Yeah. Come on, Anthony. Sort yourself out. When are we painting Etta's room? Shut up. Oh, I think,

um, we're almost ready to conclude episode one. It's been bad. I've loved that. I love talking about other people's shiz. That's suited me so um just before um so

there'll be a sort of insolute day one then then we'll go right so that concludes uh episode one

it's been fun hasn't it lad concludes that is the conclusion of the podcast it has concluded I've really enjoyed

that mate I think we got we got surprisingly in-depth in what we genuinely thought about stuff early on. Yeah. I thought we were just going to be dicking around trying to make each other laugh.

I was like, God, this is quite a fucking... Like a good little combo, isn't it? ...coherent, interesting conversation for us. Funny and intriguing. I would just like to plug at the minute. I'm about to go on my nationwide tour. If you want to go to adamrow.co.uk forward slash shows, there's tickets still available for all shows

apart from Chester, which sold. Oh, we've added a late show in Chester, so there's a handful of tickets left for that. There's a few left for South Shields, which is next week. That's when it kicks off. South Shields on Saturday the 18th. Where do they go?

Where do who go? To get the tickets. adamrow.co.uk forward slash shows. And the other plug to do is we want more submissions. As we said earlier, this is the Have A Word podcast. We want submissions for us to have a word with people. However, there's two other features we're going to be bringing in sort of gradually over the next few episodes.

Do you want to tell them about them? Yeah, we want to do Twat of the Week, which I think could be something you sent in or something we found ourselves. I really want to do Twat of the Week, which I think could be something you sent in or something we found ourselves. I really want to do Twat of the Week because I want to get the musical bed underneath it from Blankety Blank. Twat of the Week.

Twat of the Week. Twat of the Week. I'll be gutted if that feature doesn't kick on because in my head I just can't wait to be played. Even if no one likes that, we can just do it for us. We can just pick the worst of the have a words And be like oh mate you're having it And you want to do school rumours

I want to do school rumours and nicknames So I'm always quite nostalgic for school And I think the two funniest things about school Was There was always some bullshit rumours that went round About people that You look back now and know weren't true But at the time you fully believe it

I've got a couple for next week that are doozies so make sure you tune in for that and also some of the nicknames in schools

I want to know what nicknames people have weird nicknames and why that was their nickname do you know what I mean yeah like I got called

thigh eye because I've got a lazy eye and they took a muscle out of my legs and put it in my eyelids and bullies love a rhyme so I was thigh eye for five years

if they'd just taken the muscle from somewhere else elbow island calf calf eye oh it just doesn't work where are we going to take this muscle from doctor i think i know so we want your school rumors your school nickname submissions your twat of the week submissions and more importantly than anything is you have a word submissions if there's someone you want us to have a word with or someone who's fucking you around or maybe it's you maybe you're going through a tough time tell us what's been going on and we'll have a word with you and get them

all in we're have a word pod on Twitter Instagram we'll be on Facebook as of this week YouTube as of this week and we are have a word pod at gmail.com my name is Adam Rowe you can follow me Adam Rowe comedy on Twitter Adam.com. My name is Adam Rowe. You can follow me, Adam Rowe Comedy on Twitter, Adam Rowe Comedian on Instagram and Adam Rowe on Facebook.

Where can they find you, Lyd? Have a listen to my other podcast, The Hat Radio Pod, which is on all of the shebangs like Apple Podcasts and whatnot. So that's my other podcast and this one's going to be weekly. Tell a friend, subscribe.

Let's get this kicking off properly. We want this to kick on because we enjoy doing it. And I reckon there's just not... There isn't like... Northern comedy is badly represented in podcasting and I'd like it to kick on just because there's so much London-centric stuff. We listen to so much American stuff.

I really want this to kick... A way we thought of helping spread the word a little bit was if you have a band or you know you've got like a family member or a mate in a band and and we want to have their their favorite tune or their current tune or whatever they've released recently to play us out on the podcast so if they if they send in a submission yeah that's how we're going to club we're not going to do it this one cause we haven't, we haven't sorted it out. But yeah,

just if you know anyone in a band, let's play that. Instead of us having some random bit of music to play us out every week, we'll do a different band submission. We'll play them out. They'll share their stuff. Doesn't have to be a band solo artist, anyone.

Any music, any musician. If you've, if you've recorded your own tunes and you want us to give you a little plug, send them in, send us all your social medias we'll give you the heavy plug on the end of an episode yeah that's how we're going to get it out yeah that's how we want to do it

I'm excited for this man, thanks for listening to the very first one thanks for being in from the ground floor and share it for us if you're enjoying this do us a tweet, do us a Facebook post, put it in your group chats, that's the best way to spread this stuff is you know everyone's in a WhatsAppapp group chat now lash the apple podcast link in there which you know that'll be absolutely everywhere you'll be able to copy and paste that

dead easy and put it in your whatsapp chats and go lads do us a favor give this a listen it's dev funny get it subscribed and leave us a five star review don't be a four star prick and be like well it's very good but you know there's a slight sound issue with Adam's don't do that five stars you pricks in fact we don't want two threes

or fours but if you I love the ones we don't want ones we want it to be high up I'm actually an African comedian

and I found it very offensive no I'm joking just the fives shouts to Lisa right lads fives only thank you

that was the first ever have a word it was see you next week cool