Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #107 with Steven Oshea - Have A Word w/Adam & Dan

Episode Date: February 15, 2021

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Now then, lads, you're listening to the legendary Have A Word. If you enjoy this podcast, you will love being a patron. You get an extra 90-minute episode every single Wednesday. Pure, unadulterated, unfiltered Have A Word bullshit with me, Adam Carl, and to a lesser extent, The Fintern. It's behind a paywall. It gets a little bit loose. It gets a little bit squirrely. It's some of our favorite podcasting because Adam says all sorts of shit

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Now, I'm getting the word nuts. I'm not doing it for Dan. I'm not doing it for Carl. I'm doing it for Finn. Every day. Who the fuck is that guy? Char, upset me, nasty bitch! Oh, Jesus.

Don't chat to me! I can see fumes coming off your pum-pum look like petrol station. Shut up! Disgusting! Coming to you from the soon-to-be world-famous Havawad Studios. Hidden away in the scenic hills of sunny Rancon, England. These are the funniest leads in the podcast game. Adam Rowe, Dan Nightingale and Sensei Carl with full HD video episodes on YouTube.

It has to be. Have a word. Na na na na na Na na na na na Na na na na na Do you know the hat The hoodie under the bomber I created a monster The Eminem rap it just doesn't quite match up

With the pipe Which one Do you know what I mean Fuck you You look like an autistic kid Who's been That's not new though is it That's not just Happened that's been... That's not new, though, is it?

That's not just happened. That's been going on for a while. And I've got to wear my fucking driving glasses today, which is making me feel like the fucking accountant's gone, well, I've got a bloody rap battler on today. So I've put a baseball cap on, bloody snap back. It just looks like a kid who's like, I want my hoodie and I want my jacket and I want my glasses and my hat and my headphones and my pipe.

I've got everything. Mate, I am a modern guess who staple. If we did a fucking have a word guess who. Yeah. But you've got everything on. Is he a nonce? Click. Has he got a hat on?

There's too much you know that old hack line that compares yous when they compare and there's like a bald guy with a beard in the audience yeah you know fucking hell mate you look like every character from guess who yeah yeah right you know that line i hate it because it doesn't make sense does it because if you look like every if you look like every guest from Guess Who, then you'd either, you'd all get them put down, or none of them get put down. It only works that you look like so-and-so from Guess Who if they are, like, completely bald with, like, a ginger beard,

and then they really do look like... Then they don't look like the women. Yeah. Oh, yeah, but they don't look like everyone. It's just a very Guess Who look. anyway well thanks for that you do start by a lot of podcasts by sort of turning left and then giving me a fucking like fashion run through like what like it's a very considering we like you play up to that oh yeah of course i do yeah but it's it's a predominantly heterosexual podcast,

but we do start like, what's going on here, babes? What's this and what's that? Oh, I don't know. Did you go heterosexual because I'm wearing pink? Is this a homophobic? No, I mean, we are a heterosexual podcast, aren't we? But did that come into your head because I'm wearing pink and you're like straight?

No, I think you're getting a bit defensive about it. Yeah. Guess who's gay. So how you doing, mate?'re all right i'm okay uh i want to start by talking about uh the potential of us winning an award from a website that we've sort of another award another second would this be our second yeah i've lost count joe one one well if we win an award every year though

I'll take that now to get me an award one one two so Chor was that a fucking reference that I didn't get

it was it's a famous Scouse video alright get me a coat now to get me a coat one two do you really want to see

what happens when I say negative three is that in the snooker hall yeah yeah i've seen that one um bloody uh and that's a youtube video that young bloody lads lids from liverpool and the merseyside area enjoy on the internet carry on uh comedy industry website chortle are doing their annual awards, the Chortle Awards. But they're doing a twist on it because obviously comedy has been

largely non-existent for the best part of a year. So they're doing their Lockdown Legends, sponsored by Audible as well, which is Amazon's book thing. Nice. I think. And that was really weird. You both put headphones on at the exact same time and you looked like creepy twins in a killer film.

The Thunderbirds were ready to go. Adam's talking about the industry. Let's learn. So they're taking public nominations for comedians who've put out content to get them through lockdown. Now, you know, I don't want to say that we definitely deserve that award,

but to do an episode every day during lockdown, one over 150 episodes in total, amass two and a half thousand patrons and build the first purpose-built podcast in the UK. There's many. Woo! Yeah! I'm trying to hype you up.

There's many people. Many! Who would say. Loads! Would sayads Would say Would say Chitter chatter That we

What they saying Adam That we That we might have earned A nomination from our listeners You're fucking too right Woo That's my dog That's my dog right there

Don't you ever step up To a fucking What are we doing A podcast Or YouTube channel Motherfucker Can you tell We have a hip hop guest today right there don't you ever step up to a fucking what are we doing a podcast or YouTube channel motherfucker can you tell we have a hip hop guest

today yeah so we would just like if you went to our Twitter or if you're a patron there's a post on Patreon as well

you can find the link and on Instagram as well the link's on there too and just vote for us and listen it's not just to support us in fact we'll put it in the bio of this video as well we'll put it in listen, it's not just to support us. In fact, we'll put it in the bio of this video as well. We'll put it in the bio.

It's not just to support us and to give us that boost for the work we've done. We already do that. If you subscribe to this on YouTube, if you download it, if you go beyond that and you're a patron, we love your support and we appreciate it. That's what we do it for. But we also want this recognition, not just for us, but to sort of take that recognition

and then stuff it up the arse of everyone in the industry that we don't like. Woo! This is our house! I mean, we got a lease, but this is our house. How funny would it be

if we rejected the award? If we got all of our listeners, patrons, fans, followers to go through this and then industry website Churl, funny would it be if we rejected the award if we got all of our listeners patrons fans followers to go through this and then industry website chortle which in the past has been accused of being slightly negatively biased towards northern working class comics i think that's fair to say i think maybe it would be really funny if they were like we'd like to give you this award because you know thousands of your listeners got in touch and we were just like, you know what, lad? Shove it up Mother Teresa's cunt! How are you saying that?

Email? Voice note? Yeah. Video? Does Mother Teresa write for Chortle? Is she one of the other reviewers? No, but that'll make it even better because then they'll be like,

why are you bringing her into it? They're like, if you were listening, you'd know! I, honestly, I've always got on with Chortle and I've got on with them a lot better since 2018 when Steve Bennett, who is the creator and editor and he's the boss at Chortle and he does a large amount of their reviewing in Edinburgh,

but he also has second and third sort of guys that he goes to like secondary reviewers and i can sum up every steve bennett short review i got in four five fringes by doing this noise this is his review of me like that's basically what he gave me some combination of like never like and never like always like and then in 2018 when i did my best show he didn't review it and fucking all the gunner solskjaer came on as the super sub and gave me a four and a half stars early in the fringe and at one point on total no one had a five so they do it in a league table style this was like literally got my dick hard that fringe

no one had a five and then me and david o'doherty had four and a half and because my my name d-a-n is before dA-V. I was top of the fucking league. I was like Southampton in October. Fucking shut the league off now. Fucking brilliant. No more reviews, egghead. We're dumping reviews. Let's go home.

They gave me in my breakout year in Edinburgh, which was 2018, was it? Yeah. Yeah. They were my first good review. I got four from them. Wasn't your breakout year 2017? No, They were my first Good review I got four from them Wasn't your breakout year 2017?

No that was my best show So the one in the caves The big room When we did all that Flyering together That was 2018 Was that your breakout year? I think so

Oh yeah of course it was Yeah you got the award Your breakout year room Was three times bigger Than my sixth venue It's good fun isn't it? was three times bigger than my sixth venue. It's good fun, isn't it? Do you ever feel sick?

Nauseous? When you're talking. Yeah. I got a four-star from Steve Bennett. A chortle. Do you want to sort the mugs out? No. I'm good with caffeine, sarcasm,

and inappropriate thoughts. I'm fine with caffeine, sarcasm and inappropriate thoughts. I'm fine with I love cock. That must have been weird for the audio. Sorry, guys. We've got some visuals going on. We're a YouTube channel. As well as podcast. Grow up.

Yeah, they kicked off that year for me, to be fair. I got off. And Chortle's weird because the general public don't give a flying fuck about it because they don't know what it is. But everyone in the industry especially during the edinburgh festival everyone reads chortle so like when you have a bad chortle review like i did in 2016 every time you walk into a bar for like a day and a half everyone looks at you like your mum's just died yeah yeah it's honestly that annoying. It's that annoying.

When you get a good one, you walk in and you're like, mate! I know. Mate! I didn't get another review the whole fringe. Chortle, fair fucks to Chortle, he goes out, he makes a point of, I'm going to review as many as I can.

Like some more reputable, I mean, all that like, you know, studentjizzbiscuit.co.uk, that doesn't count. They're like, we reviewed lots of shows. We got children from year fives all over Midlovian.

That doesn't count. I'm talking about the Scotsman, the Herald, Times, the Telegraph. Here's the thing now. If they gave you four or above,

you'd put it on the poster, wouldn't you? You're fucking right. I got, we're signing it going, student gist biscuit. Year five's fucking idiot. Four and a half stars, you're saying? If an eight-year-old Scottish kid's like,

I thought it was quite nice, and he moved around and made funny noises, I'd be like, good on you, kid. You're on the fucking poster next year. Yeah, he gets around to everyone, so he does. You've got to give him that. He really does make the effort of reviewing, doesn't he? I can't remember what my point was,

but I know we all give Steve Bennett shit, but at least he reviews all of the things. The problem with it is that it went... What? Go on. Go on. So I've known something for a while. What? So a few years ago now.

It must be like six years, maybe seven years ago. I think it was when I was in blue. So how long ago was that then? Six years? Seven. 24, 15? Something like that?

I don't know. I've really tried to block a lot of baby blue out of my mind so there was a twitter account that went like it went viral amongst the comedy community and it was a Steve Bennett parody account and there was a lot of

very famous people tweeting it saying it was very funny like Omar Jalili tweeted it, Jimmy Carr tweeted it I think at one point. They're like, this is hilarious. Whoever runs this account needs to make themselves known. And until this moment, the identity of its creator has been anonymous,

and it was Carl. Oh, my God, is that true? It's mad, because... Do you like your formative comedians like the ones you watched when you're growing up yeah

Amit Jalili was one of mine I loved Amit Jalili that's great and he tweeted me and said whoever runs this account is a genius I was like Amit Jalili

is just called mate I was like what so what did you do on the on the parody account because I'm really glad that I just before we

announced who that parody account was that Steve Bennett will definitely know about I was like you know what Fairfax to me reviews everyone and that's a really because i'm really glad that i just before we announced who that parody account was that steve bennett will definitely know about i was like you know what fair fucks to him he reviews everyone and that's a really positive thing and now let's tell did he follow it yeah yeah but then if i think he followed it to see what it was saying did he retweet it did he retweet it did you get a message from steve bengar whoever this is is an absolute genius? Because that's more than he's ever said about either of us.

Yeah, that's true. The one time he was nice about me, it was his fucking substitute. Because he, I don't know if he still does it now, but there was a thing that he used to always spell people's names wrong. Yeah. So I used to, I followed. Did he? I didn't know that. Yeah, like a common criticism of him is that he doesn't spell check his reviews right including the names of the comics oh wow i didn't know this he's definitely not winning this award

if we're saying this so i used to like i used to and the winners are adam rao and dan nightingale he becomes the industry reviewer of a version of that African sports results guy. I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know. Have a wonderful podcast. I used to reply to tweets and misspell people's names wrong and say, great tweet, like three out of five, but reads like a four.

Oh, nice. Just the usual shit. In jokes. Funny in joke. Comics love that sort of shit. That's not the only Twitter account you've had where you've been

a bit of a cunt with it. Oh, my favourite ever. The Sky Help desk. I wish I could do, I would do this now. I used to do this when I was like, I was a fucking idiot.

I was still over 20. I made a Twitter handle called Sky Help UK and it was, it was very similar to the actual Sky Help and did you use the logo

oh if you were on the Twitter the only thing was different they didn't have a blue tick you're basically without being a cunt

you're doing the same thing that like those texts like fishing for details of banks Nat West you've just had a cancellation

on your card send us your details and you're like well it looks official and then you go on a website and they've made it look official

you were doing the piss take version of that for so what i'd do is i'd search twitter for people who were tweeting sky help and i'd go for people who weren't maybe tech savvy i wouldn't go for like i'd get onto it you get onto it and they'd go sky help my internet's gone off this is a fucking joke i pay 50 pound50 a month. And then I'd reply quickly and say, like, we're not fucking arsed that your internet's gone off.

By the looks of your picture, you're an ugly cunt. Shit like that. And they'd go, well, I'm going to fucking virgin you. And I'd be like, well, fair fuck. We're not going to miss you

and all that. We're Sky. Yeah. But I'd do ones like um why has my connection gone awful i'd be like where'd you live and they go like rather than my go because it's a shit hole i'm on the last about rather than internet you can go and get fucked and then uh twitter shut me down yeah i was doing it for about a month and it yeah it was the funniest thing ever. Yeah. Big multinationals will probably ask another big multinational to shut that shit down.

God, Carl, that's really fucking good. Oh, it was so funny because then you'd see, like the people he's, because the people he was tweeting it at thought this was someone who worked for, they weren't getting onto it. So they'd reply and be like,

I've never been spoken to this way by customer service in my life. This is disgusting. I want to speak to your manager. I am the manager, you stupid old bitch. That is fucking brilliant. Yeah, I loved it.

It was great. Oh, good on you. Speaking fake accounts, eh? Speaking of anonymous Twitter accounts, have you seen the thing that's kicking off with, on Twitter with the, that's a white line up account. Have you seen the thing that's kicking off On Twitter with the That's a white line up account

Have you seen this? It's so dull I'm with the subject's funny I'm so 24 hours behind Everything I just don't enjoy Twitter for that I'm still getting over baked beans on Weetabix Go on

Which isn't a thing,. So, someone set up... Which isn't a thing, Chilli Bean. Someone set up a Twitter account. What are you doing? Getting the text on flyer. Yeah.

Oh, you haven't showed it yet, have we? I got this, I got this in honour of our... You're holding it the wrong way. Is it the Lone Star? Is that what it's called? The Lone Star, Steve.

Isn't it that? That makes more sense Yeah We've got two patrons From Texas Yeah Texas Chilli Bean And Zorin

And did one of them Send us it Or Zorin No I just got it I just saw it You paid for it Yeah That better not be going

On the fucking expenses I'm not paying for Your vanity project Already fucking done Not paying for The vanity project Fucking rap Go on Someone has set up A Twitter account Already fucking done. Not paying for the vanity premium. You fucking rat. Someone has set up a Twitter account

called at that's a white line up. And what they're doing is, for example, this week on 8 out of 10 Cats, there's Countdown. We've got Jimmy Carr hosting, team captains John Richardson and Sean Locke,

and the guests are David O'Doherty and someone else who's white and then they'll quote tweet it with that's a white line up with the intention of pointing out the under representation of people of colour in the comedy industry and they quote tweeted

a poster yesterday for an online gig with an entirely white line up without really considering the fact that that all-white online lineup was to raise money for a cancer hospice. Right. So they're pointing out... Listen, BAME people get cancer too.

They do. Yeah. Here's my question. So they've obviously got an issue with the fact that this hospice, these evil bastards who run this cancer hospice, right, they have booked a comedy line-up and they've neglected, like to be fair to them, to be fair to the hospice, got to give credit where it's due, right?

Half of the people booked are women. Half of the people booked are men. Oh, come on. They have 50 50 there what more can you do oh well more yeah do you know what i mean so they know people of color though so obviously to be fair to this that's a white line if they are pointing that out i'm just wondering like love it i love it when he asks me these questions yeah what do you think dan well thanks for the loaded gun let me point it at my own head adam i'll tell you what i think if you

want i think it's really funny where because this account has had quite a lot of love from the the the wokey part of the comedy industry or like we need to solve all injustices every time eight out of ten cats does countdown doesn't have a person of color on that's a problem you can always find there's plenty of talented people of color in our industry and you should be making sure that they feel represented in every episode and there's a lot of people who tow that line and that's what they do and a big part of their job in comedy is making sure everyone is doing things okay and what i really love is when someone takes that too far so even those people go nah it's a hospice mate it's a fucking charity gig for a hospice you're on your own i love being woke but i

also don't like criticizing places where people go to be cared for as they die i also want to know how the person who's like criticizing them for the comedy line or like are they also like gonna look into you know the staff at the hospice, make sure all of those people, you know, equal men and women, equal people of colour and white people, and then are they going to go and check the beds of the patients and be like, there's just too many white people dying in this hospice? Sorry, Margaret, you're too white for this hospice. Get in the car park.

Yeah, fade away outside as we like at what point are they going to start campaigning for more people of color to be getting cancer and stuff no they're just going to tweet about it and do the classic twitter like aren't they that's the what's really funny is another comic called darius davis has found out who is behind the account and has started tweeting them saying, this is you. And she's going, it isn't. I'm behind the other one. And then he replied and said, well, unless you've got the same IP address or you just sit next to this person at the same internet cafe,

they're both definitely you because I've done some digging. Good on you, Darius Davis. Yeah, just, there's nothing wrong with pointing out the representation stuff that's absolutely fine but it also paints the industry out to be

just so like overtly racist like we sit and the racism is very quiet in comedy we keep it to the green room

and whatsapp groups and our youtube show but it really like that's a white line up and it almost like I get it when you've got your angle on things and you're like, we need more representation. But as an industry, that is something that has been worked on and we are working on.

Like, it's not like, it almost paints us like a whole industry going, no, it's not a problem. I just get white lads on all the time. Like, there are these discussions in the forums in dressing rooms on bills and and of course if you look at the industry and there is a majority of white people in the industry on stage promoting but like the hard fact is and i and this is there's no angle on this politically there is a majority of white people in this country it's just a fucking numbers game and to just be like that's a white lineup that's a white lineup you're like it almost

suggests without any articulation it suggests that we're all going yeah we're absolutely fine with that and we couldn't give a fuck and you're like we do people do care we're aware of it we all work at it it's just not as easy as sitting on a twitter account and going well i'm a good person and you're obviously not sent it's just like so shitty and i also think like i i see a lot of sort of white knights and i that i mean white-skinned knights who are like i agree with this and we need to really solve this but then they're the people getting the opportunities as well do you know what i mean you know when you see like a tv lineup like mock the week or something and someone goes oh well they're all white men and then there's people

who've done this series of mock the week going yeah it's really bad actually and you're like well turn it down yeah say no and suggest someone also just go through the lineups on mock the week fucking hell it's not just all white men is it it? Like they, more than anything, if you, if you're. All white men from the same school. If you're funded by fee payers, like the BBC, they work so much on diversity. Like sometimes to the point where it's criticised because you're like, God, you've really just, you've got, you're ticking boxes.

But yeah, it's just, it's very difficult. More, more interestingly, who at the hospice is booking the line-up? I think it's very difficult. More interestingly, who at the hospice is booking the lineup? I think it's the patients. Right. I think they all picked their favorite comedian. I do not think one of the nurses is like, honestly, we're losing.

Room four is going. Hang on. I'm just trying to book more white comedians. He's not breathing. I'm trying to get a comedy night going. For fuck's sake. How do you spell spiky mike that'd be amazing if everyone just now

i think it's spiky if everyone who did a cherry night had to source the comedians themselves like got any recommendations guys breathe in breathe out let's try and do it go on any recommendations little timmy i like steve shaniasky oh god we'll phone him do you know the number well that's that's very good timmy but we've actually already got four white people on so you can't have your favorite one enjoy heaven struggling to breathe timmy are you a racist? I'm dying. You're a dying racist.

Yeah, what do they do? If, like, there's a kid with, like, three days left to live and he just really wants to see Russell Kane, but the rest of the line-up's already white men, do you go, no! You cannot have him! We have got to get Dane Baptiste on! Stop being selfish, Timmy! Wipe that blood off!

What's wrong with Dane Baptiste, Timmy? Nothing! Nothing! I like Dane! I just particularly like Russell! He'll be gone soon! Better for it, Tim! You're one of the dead children,

hypothetical dead children on this podcast. I i know we made that kids hospice we made that kids for no reason and the only reason we had to was because you call them timmy and no adults called timmy no no no only no but there's not many like normal kids called timmy either is there no they're always dying yeah and they're always late my best best it goes to dying kids that's why there's no adults called Timmy

they all die as children what a bunch of silly fucks we are it's a difficult conversation to get out of comedically, but I think we really did quite well there to be like, yeah, representation, tricky.

But more importantly, who books hospice gigs? If you got asked to do a hospice gig under normal circumstances, non-COVID, right? Yeah. Would you do it? Mate, you didn't even have to finish the sentence. If a hospice go, we want to raise money for a hospice. You have to be like,

yeah. Would you take the fee? No, you can't take a hospice fee. So it's in Manchester. They're paying 250 for 20 minutes. I don't know that I haven't taken a fee. I sometimes don't check the charity.

Like basically if someone emails and goes, we've got a charity gig I sometimes don't check the charity like basically if someone emails and goes we've got a charity gig and it's on a Friday I'm like shut up upset me nasty bitch I'm like I'm never doing a charity gig I love charity Adam and I love raising kids

raising money is good I love raising kids apparently I've got more than one which is possible I love raising money is good I love raising kids apparently I've got more than one which is possible I love raising money for you know Timmy and Dying Children and all that and I do do charity gigs

but never on a Thursday Friday or Saturday because you know let's get real I love making money for you know charities

but only on nights where I've got no other possible work so you don't always check the charity and you have taken fees from charity gigs before So for all you know

Little Timmy Cudder We needed a ninth ventilator But Dan Nightingale just cost that bit more Do you think I'm getting ventilator money mate? I'm getting catheter money There's piss all over the floor Yes it stinks again. Well, feet are nice again.

We should have got Steve Chaniasky to be fair. He's a nice person. I get asked to do a lot of charity gigs, and I do like one or two a year for expenses. You get asked to do too many though, don't we? Like, it's not our responsibility to make sure everyone survives i've been doing it 19 years it was my 19th birthday as a comedian two days ago and when i started out i said yes to nearly every gig and every charity gig and it's just a reality when you're out of the house five, six, seven nights a week doing what you do.

If someone goes, could you come and do this for £54.50? You're like, nah, because I'm not a big name. I'm not going to sell you tickets. So you're asking a favour. And every year I do a handful of these gigs. Some I take a fee on. If I know the person or realistically, if it's somewhere like a like a hospice you would consider just not taking the fee but what i try to do is make sure it's it's affiliated to a comedy club if we're being serious that's the way to get around it so if someone goes we've got a charity

and we've rented a hotel suite in not the suite like a function room I'm like, nah because it's going to be bad but if the frog or hot water go we're raising money for this thing and it's on a Tuesday or Wednesday do you want to come down? I'm like yeah, I'll help out what I tend to do, and this is the honest truth if I've got the time

and if it's someone I know and they've asked me I'll always try and make it work if I've got the time I'll try and make it's someone I know and they've asked me I'll always try and make it work. If I've got the time I'll try and make it work. If they offer a fee on the email

or the text or whatever I'll always say that's great and then I'll judge whether I'm going to take the fee by how well the gig goes.

Like if I do the gig and it's lovely I'm like put that towards the charity. And if I die on my arse I'm like I'm getting some new shoes yeah and that's

yeah that's fine and now I think you're in a different position but two years ago three years ago same for me

up until four five years ago I was paying off debt I was trying to fucking get a mortgage. Yeah. So it was a working night. Especially if it's a Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

If you're doing that gig, you're not doing a 200 quid club gig. However, if you get to a certain level, those boys don't take fees and they sell tickets. Now, they will get requests through the fucking nose, won't they? Like Russell Kane, Jason Manford, that that's, they must say no to so many things.

And, and then you might have to sort of pick your, what's your lane. Is it? Cause people do this when they get celebrity, don't they? They basically pick their charity or they almost pick their cause. What's your charity going to be? If we get that big,

mine's going to be saved the spot at all. Oh yeah. What's your charity going to be if we get that big? Mine's going to be Save the Spotted Owl. Oh, yeah. That's so weird. You know, we're so... Because mine's the non-spotted owl. Yeah. So why don't we just, as a podcast, just save all the owls?

Yeah. Save the owls? Save the owls. What type of owl? White owls? Yeah, yeah. White owls. Really?

You've got to pick a charity that affects you, haven't you? Or might affect you. So for me, heart disease. IBS. IBS isn't really a charity, is it? Yeah. Although, when we discussed on a recent episode that I nearly pooed myself,

someone has DM'd me a link to the IBS Network's website where you can get yourself a little card that says, I might poo on the floor. Let me use your toilet. Mama like that? Mama like that. Mama like that. Oh, I tell you, if you're going to slide

into Adam Rowe's DMs, do it with poo-based info. You get a poo card? Hey, Adam. What? You get a poo card? You can get a poo card which basically says,

I know I'm not a customer. Please let me use your toilet. I've got a medical emergency. Would you use that? And honestly, on the back it says, Flip Brown, do you also want to

suck my dick because I'm dead sexy? I need to poo here. This is a poo emergency. Look at my card. I am a pooer. And on the back, that's my phone number because you want to fuck me. When I've used several baby wipes, I'm ready, lady.

You're a sexy fucker, aren't you? Get a poo card. Can someone please send us a poo card? Because Adam won't do it. He's lazy. Oh, apply for Adam's poo card. Can someone please send us a poo card? Because Adam won't do it. He's lazy. Oh, apply for Adam's poo card. Yeah. Can we have it knocked up?

Come on, guys. Is it like a blue badge? It's like a blue badge, but I get to park my ass on the toilet seat. Could you imagine if you put it in your car? Just parked up right in front of like a fucking right where the ambulance is going in front of casualty

oh he's got a pool card don't worry there's all the smokers there with the like the most depressing bit of any hospital is next to the main entrance with all the smokers like

I know I'm dying but I just need another tab and then Adam's in a bush like it's in the window. But you know, you do know what I mean though. You have to pick a charity that either has affected your life

or could possibly affect you. So heart disease for me, because I'm quite fat and always have to. Is there an ADD charity? Because I will give money if they want to do research. That'd be great. That affects me.

But like, there's no point like you doing, you know, like breast cancer. You haven't got tits. But like There's no point like you Doing You know Like Breast cancer You haven't got tits It's been a

It's been a rough winter Do you know what I mean though So what would your charity be Age concern Age concern You can't Help the aged Can we

Can we make our own charity And send people free parker pens When they sign up? That's not a charity, is it? You're thinking of the Sun Life Guaranteed over 51? No, yeah. What are they called? The chuggers?

The charity muggers? Oh, yeah. Finn, we've got more hours for you. Run Corner High Street. Good luck getting a fucking sign over there, kid. Dan, have you had any of them letters to the post yet? About what? What are they called?

Sun Life. Sun Life Sun Life yeah The Sun Life guarantee No he's not 50 is he Oh is he 50 Nearly 40 The Sun Life guaranteed Over 50 plan You get a gift pen

Yeah And an alarm clock To write your will with Yeah To sign away money No I'm not quite there yet I'm 40 in a month Are you going to leave

Any money to charity In your will Or is it just going to be For your children If I die now I'm not quite there yet. I'm 40 in a month. Are you going to leave any money to charity in your will? Or is it just going to be for your children? If I die now, I'm leaving a life insurance policy and some debt to my wife. But let's say... And a Volvo XC70 worth about £4,700. Let's say you were worth £100 million

and you die of a long drawn out AIDS. Right. A long drawn out AIDS. Thanks for picking that one. Etta's 21. Your other kid is 17. Is that going to be right? Yeah, that's right.

That's good. Laura's still married to you. She's been there by your side through the whole thing. You got £100 million. Right. How are you divvying up 100 million between uh your family and charity well i have said before on colleagues on this very colleagues and colleagues nice one there no no no fuck help the ages what about the lids

um help the age i don't think any child needs to inherit more than 30 million we talked about this on an ancient podcast you know I'm not the most social easy I'm not the most

socialist person ever but I really I really fucking massive I really don't think people should be able to inherit more than that

which I think it's fucking ridiculous so should we just give 30 mil to Laura 30 mil to laura 30 mil to etta 30 mil to uh i think he's gonna be called jack i think um four and a half mil to me and carl so that's 10 mil in it oh also the kids aren't getting it till they're 30 they can have 30 on 30 30 30 million when they're 30 years old. What if Etta becomes a crack addict

in her late 20s and she needs it to get out of crack? Right. Just give them a meal every year until they're 30. One thing, Adam, your understanding of drug culture is phenomenal.

How do you get kids out of, you know, if they're in their late 20s and they've become addicted to crack, what they need is millions of pounds all at once because i don't know if you know about crack addicts what they really need is a massive cash

influx yeah i'm just struggling on crack dab if you could just give me 20 25 million invest in property i'll be gone in about a fortnight as every crackhead in Chester's rolling round. I've seen the crackheads in Chester recently. All of a sudden they just turned up in pimped out hats. Fucking hats. Look at my hat. Do you mean pimp hats? Cracked out.

Cracked out. Every crackhead. A hat with a spinning rim. They're spinning, crackhead. They're spinning cracker they're spinning what what would all the crackheads

in Chester do if they just got like Yvette had turned up and she was one of like the Chester crackheads they'd probably

sort their lives out no Adam they'd get more crack no they wouldn't they're only addicted to crack

because of their socioeconomic conditions shut up you vagina it'd just be like crackmageddon in the middle of Chester the lanes to crack because of their socio-economic conditions. Shut up, you vagina! It'd just be like crackmageddon in the middle of Chester. The lanes and all

these crack and like, oh damn! The dogs would be on crack. No, because if they've got 30 mil, there's not 30 million pounds worth of crack flying around Chester at the minute. There would be though, wouldn't there? I, honestly, I think you might get some imports from the local area. I think the drug dealers in Wrexham would be like, well, we'll make the fucking journey uh 10 million it leaves me with 10 million okay sad

that i had to talk about my daughter being a crackhead down the line but once again my daughter gets mentioned um you've got 10 million left and you're dead so you don't 10 mil now there is an irish comedian what's his name? He was in Father Ted, and he's a fucking brilliant comic. Arlo Hanlon? No. He's got a grey beard. He lives in Glasgow, and he has a bit.

Michael Redmond. Michael Redmond. Oh, he's such a fucking gem of a comic, is Michael Redmond. Joe Pasquale stole his joke. Joe Pasquale stole his joke. If you, I think you'd only really see him at the stands now. Yeah.

I don't know if he gigs a lot of places. I've met him, he's dead nice. But he is lovely. And he's also one of those guys who, he looks like in, the big Lebowski, he looks like the cowboy.

Oh right, the dude. And, he's got that look. And he's got a bit about, wouldn't it be great if, you know, you just, every one of us left some money to someone completely random.

If we all agreed to do it and then that person would just keep getting fucking random bits of inheritance. Like, if we all just agreed to leave 10 quid to Christian Guru Murphy from the Channel 4 News, it'd just piss him off for fucking ages. His lawyer getting in touch going,

Kristen, this is weird, but you've got another tenner for no reason. I absolutely love the idea of just dropping some random, go and see Michael Redman, just absolutely out of nowhere, just fucking dropping a random amount of money on someone. So they'd be like chuffed and also nervous. Kevin Webster. Yeah. Michael Lovell.

Or someone that you know was a bit mental and then basically get your lawyers to be like, I'll give you a 20 grand fee for doing this discreetly, but I want you to inherit, I want you to leave 80,000 pounds in cash to someone and just literally write, listen, this is from your friends in the KGB. Keep this quiet.

We'll be back for it. And then just, we'll be back for it. We'll be back for it. The KGB, we'll be back for it. So just give one of my bellend neighbours with dogs that poos on my fucking lawn

just 80 grand so they can be like oh god do you think Carol do you think we should spend it no wouldn't it be better

to give it to an enemy right and like grass them up for like drugs money okay

on your deathbed. Mine was just fucking with them, playing with them, as you actually want to see them prosecuted. Yeah. I don't, I think they, wouldn't they be able to trace that back?

Yeah. No? Yeah. Not if it's in cash. Have you got any enemies? Who is your enemy that you want to see imprisoned? Let's end the section with it. Anyway,

so Steve Bennett, Steve Bennett runs a website called Chortle. Separate conversation. Now, go and have a little look on the Chortle thing. That would be really good if you could. It's in our Instagram bio. The link is there. We tweeted about it.

I'll put the link in our Twitter bio as well. It's in the description of this video. If you watch it on YouTube, we'll put it in the description on the audio bio as well. It's in the description of this video. If you watch it on YouTube, we'll put it in the description on the audio upload as well. So it's very accessible. Go and nominate us and we'll win this award.

And then... And whatever money we win, we'll leave to a hospice. Yeah. Only one that has equal members of black and brown dying children as it does white. Okay, good.

We're on for this win. See you after this message. For hospices. It's time to have a death with Adam and Dan. Do you like a cheeky little gamble on the old sporting world? Well, I do, but I'm sick of getting beat by the bookies. Now I've been going to bettinggods.com

since they started sponsoring this podcast. They're a great sponsor to have on board, and they are the best tipsters in the betting game. Anything from tennis to ice hockey to footy, rugby, horse racing. If you want tips when it comes to betting, head to bettinggods.com right now, and they've got all sorts to help you beat the bookies

and get a few winners go get some winners don't be a loser you don't want to be losing your bets you want to be winning your bets BettingGods.com

they're going to help you do that okay are we alright we're whipping through today very efficient today we are yeah I tell you what mate

buying a kettle the fact we've gone a year in this place nearly nine months how long have we been here something like that about nine months here something like that i don't even think it's that since july in it we haven't had a kettle and it drives me mad to come 2 p.m every day that fucking cafe shuts and i can't have a cup of tea or a coffee this is my third coffee of the day. And I'm telling you right now, I feel fucking good. Also, how... You can tell he's like on it.

This is what I'm like about eight o'clock in the morning when I'm finishing my second energy drink. And Etta's like, why is daddy dancing? I'm totally addicted to caffeine. I have to leave today at a certain time because... You're getting your balls waxed, aren't you, mate? I'm getting my balls waxed. Yeah, I've got a balls wax.

I mean, most places are legal, you know, balls waxing. But I just got it. I got like a black market ball waxing. Just because you need it, don't you? You know, when you're married and you've got a pregnant wife, you need wax balls. Laura's gone back to Nottingham this afternoon because she's got an appointment that she needs to go to with her dad Laura's gone back to Nottingham this afternoon because

she's got an appointment that she needs to go to with her dad because stuff's happening and she wants to be there with her dad because it's a bit of a

serious appointment so she was like so I'll be going Thursday and I thought she was going to be coming back Thursday night

and she's coming back on Saturday morning so it is me and my daughter for the first time in a year. It's been like daddy daughter time because Laura's always been home. And when she's been away in the summer, she took Etta with her. I've had a few weekends,

random weekends where it's just been me in the house and it's been a year. And like Etta's like, right. Like I, obviously I'm a dad she loves me i love her but like laura is so much more important in the house and i totally know it like you know watching etta deal with me if there's a problem it's like you know when you're bitching and someone goes i want to speak to the manager like i am basically the part-time member of staff

that some karen doesn't want to deal with. And that's how Etta is. If there's a problem, I'm like, right, this is what we're doing. And she looks at me like one of those Karens at customer service going, I'm not listening to you, you fucking dick. I want to speak to your higher up. You've only got two stars on your Mach-E's badge. Oh, my God.

Laura's literally a regional manager coming in to do quality control for McDonald's from head office. I am some bell-end like, I've got one star. I've only burnt myself on the fryer three times this month. Like that's how she treats me. Until Laura goes away and then she goes,

all right, dad's in charge. And this is what I do to deal with that. I just throw fucking money at it. So if I'm ever left alone in a parenting situation, it's never like, well, we'll just never like well we'll just um stay in and uh we'll do finger painting tonight we're going to five guys we're going to do a picnic outside five guys me etta throw money at it honestly i'm gutted that things are closed

tomorrow because i'd just do the same and we'd be at soft play we'd be at the trampoline place i'm going to be on amazon going just just pick what you want, darling. You can just pick something. Do you want to borrow mine and Carl's Nerf guns? Oh my God, yeah. No, but she's fucking brutal with the Nerf gun. But you've got glasses on, so you're not going to lose an eye. I don't know.

I don't trust her. She's got a killer instinct. Yeah. We've got Nerf guns at Christmas. We have to take the bullets off her because she'd just walk up to you and you're like, don't do it, don't do it.

And she's like... Do you know you can hire hamsters? What? You could just hire a load of hamsters. No, I want a brand new hamster. Yeah, they are brand new. No, I don't... They kill them when you're done with them.

Oh, right. I don't want second-hand hamsters. You know, with the reputation of hamsters. Yeah. What do you mean you can hire hamsters? You can hire thousands of hamsters. Yeah. And... Keep your child entertained for a day. Yeah. What do you mean you can hire hamsters? You can hire thousands of hamsters. Yeah. And?

Keep your child entertained for a day. Seth.com. I don't know the website. Just hire thousands of hamsters. Why? Because it'll keep her entertained. Right. And then, because all you do is you go, right,

etta, there's 3,743 hamsters here, and there better be 3,743 when I come back. You actually can hire hamsters. Fuck off! Where have you even heard that? It's for advertising purposes. Right. Or for dads with expendable income that are on their own.

You can hire camels. Can we hire them for the live show? That's 100% going to go wrong, isn't it? I want to see how much it costs to hire a camel. Then you've got to hire a dead camel.

Who's killing her? I just feel like between me and my daughter there'd be a dead camel. Would you ride a camel? Like if you were in like Camel Land, you know where they have camels?

Yeah! Camel Land! Camel Heads. Where's that? It's Welcome to Cam camel land just outside would you ride a camel though you mean egypt yeah yeah yeah camel land let's not call it camel well it turns out this is an all white park

you know would you ride a camel in uh you know camel land yeah do camels go? Yeah, I'd give it a go. I have. In Egypt. Yeah. Have you ridden a camel? Yeah, like three. All right. Soz, Carl. Yeah.

I fucking grew up with loads of camels by me nuns. Yeah. I fucking grew up with camels. Who hasn't ridden a camel? It's weird, like. Right.

Is there any animal you wouldn't ride? Would you ride an elephant? Adam, do you want to help come and look after Etta? Because I love how your mind works. Lad, we need to rent hamsters, maybe a camel, or an elephant.

You know the zoo's closed. Let's go and rob the zoo. On last week's Patreon episode, I offered to help look after Etta with you, and you looked at me like I was saying something wrong. No, you offered to move in with my wife myself and my child and then in a really annoying way you love doing just went you're a knob you don't know how to parent i reckon i'd be dead good and i just tried to put you like our home life within a lockdown is already difficult just adam rowe turning up going just on his phone going you're doing that fucking wrong get a fucking hamster minimum 10 dan fucking grow up but when laura's not there i'm open i'm open to

any help i'm not even joking i'll break lockdown rules to have you coming out in a bubble well you could be working from home yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i yeah. I'm inquiring about animals to hire. Okay. What do they ask for? What? Have they got tigers? I think so. Tigers. We should get a tiger for the thank you show.

This is just... And I'm not messing. All right, Tony Montana. How big do you think the Patreon is? The big bowl of coke tell me just imagine this imagine you'd been

the patron of a podcast for a year and post lockdown happens and then there's a thank you show to say thank you for all the patrons

and you walk in thinking it's just going to be a live record and there's a fucking tiger there and the main event of the night is a tiger

trying to fight off an elephant and a camel. So we need an elephant. Would you rather live Finn fighting a... Come on, Finn. You've got tigers, camels, elephants. You fight a lion.

Dingoes? Any dingoes? For the fucking cash. Hyenas? Dingoes? Dingoes or hyenas, we don't need both. I go with dingoes then. What about a koala?

What do you need a koala for? I don't want a fucking fighting animal. I want a nice... You're not going to win, are you? Oh, is it for fighting? It's going to be like Pokemon. Oh, I thought it was like... I get to control one.

I think they want them back. I thought it was like a petting zoo. You know, they got there, but you're actually one that do live lion fighting. Well, if it is like a petting zoo and they're meant to supervise you're actually wanting to do live lion fighting well if it is like a petting zoo and they're meant to supervise it we're going to need

Finn to distract the animal woman so that we can make them fight how very gender positive that was animal woman

yeah well done yeah really good yeah you've just you teach me so much in my head

it was an animal man why I don't know. It's because you picture men in every situation. Is that a strong coffee? It says action required. So I'm guessing that's like what we're using them for. Huh?

Like what we're using the animals for. Fighting. Fight, I've done that. So we've asked for tigers, camels, elephants, dingoes. Could you also go on Aviva Insurance and check what our public liability would be to have a thank you show with 700 OG patrons and lions and tigers fighting?

You're not even paying attention, are you? Tigers, camels, elephants, dingoes, koalas. How's that hard to remember that koala's fucked innit yeah and I wanted him I wanted Rhino get two

times two someone's asked for some advice and obviously from the last five minutes of podcasting you can tell we're very serious adults that give advice out

this is from Connor. Afternoon, lads. Afternoon, lads. Afternoon, lads. You need a fucking wipe. Need your advice on something. I've been speaking to this girl for a week now and met her a couple of times,

but there is a big problem and I don't know how to tell her. This might sound harsh, but she has stunk of BO a few times when we've met. Says it's due to work and not going home after work and meeting me, but surely a shower is needed anyway. I have used an excuse. My ex has got back in touch with me to try and sort things out just so I can avoid it for a few days and think what is the best way to break it off with her. Any advice would be

greatly appreciated as I don't know what to say and don't want to sound like a prick well connor the best thing is to do is to email us and we'll do it on a public episode okay adam fix your hood it's doing me then right what's his question so he's been on a few dates with a girl. And she stinks. She's smelly. There's no excuse for it. Like, there's no excuse for BO. Deodorant's like a quid. I'll give her the quid.

If she's listening to this, send me your PayPal and I'll lend you the quid. Right guard is a quid. It's disgusting. People who stink a bow without having done some rigorous physical activity

in the immediacy before it are a joke. Now, there are some people that suffer hormonal stuff. No, they're liars who just can't be arsed putting the overtones on. No, but 99.9%, and even the people who say it's a hormonal thing, are the people that aren't washing themselves properly. Can I also suggest, it's the clothes a lot of the time. Because if you wear something and sweat into its pits

and don't wash it, you can be clean. If your clothes stink of BO and people go, oh my God, I can smell BO. And you're like, no, I had a shower today. You're like, yeah, but fucking moron. Smell your clothes. You know what smell I think is worse than BO as well? Do you know when you wash a wash, right?

And then you leave the washing wet for like a day and a half and then you dry it. Stale. Like that musty. That smell. Moldyy yeah because like you've technically done everything right you've washed your fucking shelf you've you've dried your stuff but guess what it's not fucking clean yeah you're not gonna leave it in the fucking drum for two days that's a weird smell i'd rather a woman be literally covered in shit than wear those clothes i don't

agree with you oh no not slightly musty smell. I'd rather have shit everywhere. You smell of human feces, love. Not poo then, but wee. Right, okay. Wee's a bit sexy anyway, isn't it? Nah, not all of it. Not usually the smell of wee on clothes.

Not a lot of sexy ladies are like, I'm into piss and my clothes stink of it. It's usually old men who are like, I can't aim very well. Yeah. I've just remembered a guy I used to deliver the paper to. Oh, no. He was a pissy old man. Oh, no.

And that smell's just hit me in the face again. Do you know, like, when you get a smell memory, and they're strong. It's a warm smell. Ah! Like, I can feel his piss smell on me face. Do you know what I mean? Well mean at least it wasn't moldy clothes adam i can see his pinstripe kegs that he wore every single day with the same stains in the same place they were never they were never any different they were like pinstripe suit pants

and he had them on at three in the afternoon with a fucking wife piece of vest on. It's long grey hair. If you work in care homes, fair fucks to you. And I know there's been clapping for carers and all of that stuff. I'm not really getting into that bullshit, but it is a job that, it's not easy that, is it?

I've got a really old grandparent now. My two other grandparents passed away about four or five years ago and visiting them at an old people's home is like, oh Jesus, it's the reality of life. And it's also that stuff. And old people's home. If you can do it and you care for people and you help out people that have got to that level of life,

good on you. And old people's home smells like a butcher's where the fridges have been off for a couple of days. It's the worst. Do you know, like, warm pork? Warm, raw pork. That's what old men and women smell like together. Visiting my nana and granddad for that four or five years

when they were in that old people's home was so mental. My sister can't do it, and she was a fucking amazing girl. Like, her and nana were so, so close after my mum died. They were like literally inseparable and loved each other to bits. But my sister couldn't go and detach from what was going on in the room. She couldn't detach from that smell

that you're talking about. Like the weird smell of hot pot, musty clothes and death. Like some people can just go in there and go, right, it's bad, but I'll click it into gear. And I could do that. But my sister walked in and you could see it. I visited her a few times. She was like, oh God, oh my God.

It's really hard. It's horrible. But you also have to detach from what's going on. Like the women who have just lost some of their airs and graces and probably were like dirty girls when they're like late teens early 20s and it's sort of in a weird childish way just reverted to that so they are 90 years old they're at death's door but they're like giving off that sort of like

pre-1950s wanna fuck vibe like hello oh you're a handsome man. You're like, oh my God. She's trying to slide into my old-fashioned DMs. I find it mad to look at an old woman and think she used to want to fuck. Do you know what I mean? No. You know when you see a really frail one of them and you think at some point,

like she wants a dick and lots of it. you think at some point like she wanted dick and lots of it like i really struggled to she didn't necessarily but she could have yeah yeah but i mean those like flirty ones because like when i started visiting my granddad when he was in the home towards the end right i was definitely feeling some vibes for me off these old women like these old women wanted the rowie bags D yeah also and I was like

it's the youth as well isn't it like young yeah because she knows I could go for ages yeah that's what I mean not like a fucking deceased husband I could put my teeth in

he could knock them out but like they're looking at you like but like I find that so far removed from you know sexiness well on monday's patreon we talked about what i would do it yeah we talked about which mature older famous ladies you'd if you're not a patron you're missing out adam went into detail how he would shut up meryl streep but you asked me like what would you say to a fame and i and i was driving away i was like i didn't really come

up with an answer and it's because i couldn't do it i'd be like no but meryl streep's different to a woman who smells like piss in an asinine yeah i mean what's not wrong what's your top limit though for like i saw this amazing thing i don't know what it must have been youtube i don't watch this tv like this where i think it was a lad from egypt and an old girl had gone over a widower she was like 82 and he was 34 and she brought him back and because she'd married him out there and all the family are fucking fuming and she he's like no i really love her he's like oh he's lovely oh and he goes all night and he's you can see that like that a little bit of his soul dies every time she says it because he's gone i just want to live in the uk and inherit the money and the bungalow. And she's like, oh, I don't care.

I'm only here for another fucking 18 months. He barely toots me calm, eh? What? Fucking hell. Fucking hell. How long was that in your head there? Not long, you know? That's one of those things you think it, you say it, you know what I mean?

You know, I'm not even slacking those guys off. Because they're like... Yeah, they're getting their bread handy. I don't like my life. I want a better life. I want to live in Ellesmere Port. In a bungalow. And Maggie is love of my life.

Oh, he's lovely. He is lovely. He is lovely. Yeah. I think it's mad the way one day you have sex for the last time ever and don't know. Someone said to me, I think it was Danny McLaughlin said to me, do you ever think about the fact that when you were a kid, one day you went out with your mates for the last time to play and none of you knew

that was going to be the last time. Oh my God. Oh my God. Isn't it really harrowing? Like, because you go out with your mates and you think it's going to last forever. It's the last time they knock on your door.

You're like, what, you'll knock tomorrow? Yeah. And they never do. Because they die. How has that made me feel sadder than a 34-year-old Egyptian guy

fucking an 82-year-old nana from Ellesmere Port Because you're detached from that nana It's not your nana This is about you Imagine the day Like that's it I've no longer That's my last jizz

That is so not like Danny Mac's comedy Is it? Danny Mac's comedy is so like It was in the green room He said it to me Oh brutal Yeah Like one of the

The last time you went out with your mates None of you knew It was the last time you. He said it to me. Oh, brutal. Yeah. Like one of the, the last time you went out with your mates, none of you knew it was the last time you were going out. The smell thing. Line it up. That is so poignant

and on point and I almost can't deal with it. Yeah. I told you that there's a comedian that I, I nearly sent, a death threat to. We nearly sent a death threat to overrun again on me you little prick um and he was white part of the problem um this was one of the lockdown episodes i think this is where me and adam were on zoom before carla got back

before at his studio and we were like staring into each other's laptops going right will time one two three it was fucking mental doing an episode every day for two months and i think i told you this story but i never and i'm not gonna say who it was but there was a comedian who smelt so bad of bo oh we both know who it is that i near i came back can i ask you one question about this yeah is it like a newer act or a headliner headliner we know who it is. That I came back to. Can I ask you one question about this? Yeah. Is it like a newer act or a headliner? Headliner. We know who it is, Lott. Yeah.

And it was so bad. Someone I like, someone I respect, someone who is a well-known good comic. And I walked, oh, I've really fucking narrowed it down there, Carl. Oh, what well-respected good comic. Well, there's only five of them. And they're white. Oh, never mind, sorry.

Yeah, and I walked on stage after them on stage in Leeds, and I could smell, like, we'd passed. He'd gone. And I was in the general area Of the microphone And the front row were like this And I nearly I said to Laura Me and Carl have been on a night out with this comic

And we had to leave With another A friend of all of ours And that comic And Carl and someone else we were with left and i text carl i was like where the fuck have you gone and he was like i can't be around him he stinks like genuine we had to leave like this is not me being like horrible had to leave a night club because he was spanking the nightclub out like the dance floor st dun everybody in the club we didn't come back he's like come back with it now yeah

now how do you deal with it i was so close to writing an anonymous note putting in some soap shower gel and some antiperspirant and going mate you have a BO problem and I like you. I think everyone does. I can't deal with how cringy this conversation is face to face. You need to wash your fucking clothes, keep them washed, use this antiperspirant, use the soap, and I'm sorry, you will benefit from this. And I didn't do it because I thought, I just tried to put myself in their head and like receiving that thing and then you'd be like oh god everyone's thinking this i don't know who this specific person is is everyone thinking this and then the next time i saw them or the time after i was like with them i was like noticeably like you know you find yourself good

i was like they don't smell and apparently another comic or we know who that comic is as well another comic had just gone man i'm gonna tell you this face to face you fucking stink you smell yeah and you need to sort it out do you know that other comic was yeah yeah so do i but we just it's just so annoying for listeners to be like who honestly sign up for patreon.com slash have a weird pod we reveal all on the behind the paywall episodes

but not that much oh that's so funny yeah what would you do would you tell the girl

is it not your problem he's bouncing anyway he's bouncing oh if he's leaving it anyway then let her go

and fucking slang someone else's life off or would you not say look i could be don't be fixing a problem for the next person waste of time and effort and cringe all right no no no no no only fix problems that affect your life if you're gonna keep it around fix the problem

if not let someone else fix it but he needs a reason to break up with her that's why i don't we need a reason to break up with her yeah no he's why I don't. Oh, he needs a reason to break up with her? Yeah. No, he doesn't. He doesn't. You can just tell her he stinks. She stinks. He could, yeah, but he could also. Connor, mate, you don't have to do anything.

You can, it's the international ghost. You've seen her twice. It's not the end of the world if you just jog on. If you've been seen. No, don't ghost someone that's nasty. You got to give her a reason. You can't ghost. No. No.

No, no, no, no, no. Just text her and say, You fucking stink! No. Say something like, You had a one night stand last year and you found out that she's pregnant. That's easier. The only surprise is that it didn't involve

sex workers, that excuse. I've been killing prostitutes. You got a prostitute pregnant? Perfect. Yeah. And you forgot to pay, and now you've got to raise the kid because that's part of the prostitute contract.

You forgot to pay. I, honestly, I'm so glad we do this as an audio agony ant sort of advice thing, because if it was written down, it would keep on the word count. And then you would just start adding paragraph after paragraph. No, lad. No. Right.

NASA have been in touch. Right. You've got to go to Mars because you've got a pregnant sex worker. And yeah, go on. So you're moving to Cornwall? Well, he said his ex got back in touch. He's been using that as an excuse. You know, you can just do...

The question is, would you not, just as a parting shot, be like, I'm giving her an excuse. Why don't I just go, here's my excuse. But before I go, wash your clothes, get some right guard, you fucking hum. No, I'll tell you why. Because I'd imagine this girl's quite attractive right smell aside otherwise he wouldn't have put up with it

at all so maybe if what if she fixes her smell and then she's like this beautiful woman who doesn't stink and then she's like with another guy and he's like oh my god I can't believe I let her go look how gorgeous she is and she doesn't stink anymore at least if he it doesn't matter if he if she if he knows she still stinks then when she sees if he sees her out and about

with another lad he'll be like yeah but she still fucking stinks doesn't she and if she doesn't stink anymore at least someone else fixed her

you don't want to be fixing problems for other people it's not pregnant prostitute such a fucking nutter what do you want to do should we didn't you say there was a good

would you rather oh there is I just didn't know if we wanted to leave it for O'Shea should we do it anyway Mike follows if he's full a bit of a

no he's hall of fame bit of a... No. He's Hall of Fame level in email interaction. Haven't heard from him for a while, have we? No, we've not. He says, now then, Lids, I'm loving the success

you lot are having. It's been great to have been in from the start and now you're doing really well and you've established yourself. Haven't sent anything in for a while, but I thought of a quick

would you rather today. So, would you rather have the ability to change gender at will? If you do this, you would instantly switch genders, but still be the same attractiveness or rating out of 10. Or, would you rather change your age appearance at will? So, you'd still be the same age, can't cheat death,

but you can look however young or old you want. So, that's from Mike. Gender doesn't exist. So. Right, okay.

You've asked the wrong fucking nonce that question, haven't you? How can I change that doesn't exist? Would you rather be able to be a woman?

So, basically, I can become female and change sex. Become a woman. I feel that is a... I...

I'm trying to work out in which situation I would want to be her female Dan Nightingale. Maybe if you wanted to earn 30% less. Mum, mum, mum, mum, mum. her female Dan Nightingale. Maybe if you wanted to earn 30% less. All white pod. I'm not saying it's right that women earn less. I'm saying it happens. Oh yeah, you're highlighting the problem.

I'm saying it happens. You're on their side. And that's why you did this. I'm saying it happens. The international sound of the male feminist. This is pretty easy, this question, by the way. It's the age. Yeah.

It's the age, isn't it? Why? Because I don't want to fucking turn into a woman, see myself in the mirror and go, God, you're a fucking ugly old bird. No, but like, what do you think you are? It's not just you in a wig. That'd be horrendous.

Like, if you're a seven, you become a female seven. Yeah, if. Yeah. I'd quite have fun having lesbian sex. I'd quite like to be a model for a bit. It'd be quite fun having lesbian sex, is that what it was? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wouldn't you not?

Wouldn't you not? Like. Because like, if I become a woman, I could model for anyone, grattons uh i i mean yeah what would you do as a day what's your lady name what's your what's your what name i just say it so quick it wasn't even an attempt at a joke sometimes you do things so lightning quick I'm like I think you've thought that before what would you name me Jennifer my name's Jennifer yeah yeah yeah I bet you've got big tits Jen yeah big tits and a tight pussy oh god you haven't got a very tight arse

also that'd be a turn of events wouldn't it it's because I've been bummed too much oh you god has Jenny got

big tits and IBS she sounds hot see her down heebie jeebies for now the lads won't say nice

I think would Adam if he genuinely switched like that and he was female and was Jennifer Rowe, I think you'd have big knockers. Do you want to tell me something about your build? I reckon you've got some pappage. Yeah. What would you do?

What would Jenny Rowe do? It's very, very hard to not just think about playing with your own vagina, isn't it? Yeah, but I mean, you can do that for the morning have a couple of crumpets you want to go and achieve something i've slapped her about a bit that was fun yeah yeah i wish i wish my brother hadn't walked in but now i'm off where would you what would you go and do i'd go and use some of the privileges the females have that men don't dangerous ground here ground here, dickface. Go for it. You know, I'd go

and flaunt me body. Right. Where? Where? In town. Are we still in lockdown? No, we could let's, you know. This is normal situation. Yeah, normal situation. I'd go and see how much free stuff I could get for being fit.

That happens to women how fit do you think you are Jennifer eight and a half nine and terms don't exist sweetheart

I sweetheart I've got some bad news you ain't a fucking nine you ain't come on he's come on

you're not are you I know i'm not but you're not right i think you're gonna have to do some work for that free stuff you're gonna be a prostitute jennifer jennifer's going into town i feel like she's gonna see i would be a slag yeah like a whore i think i'd be fucking everything everything no fit men oh so jennifer's straight i assume so i'm straight and then so you i love it jennifer's going into town she's a nine she's got big old tits and she's sucking all the dick like one of those old ladies and the old people.

So in my fantasy, if I'm a woman for a day, I'm a lesbian and I'm going to be like scissoring, scissoring my timbers. But what, because you're into the dick. You're shagging all the men.

Yeah. When in Rome, Jen. When in Rome. When in Rome. Sucker dick. Yeah. Where would you pick the men up? Pratt?

Just like, I'd go on a nice out. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. And yeah, I'd just like, I'm just imagining like, it's a twist on the question. Obviously, I'm not a nine i'm like a seven and a half or whatever right so like if i became a woman i'm imagining being like a fit

woman because i don't want to do it otherwise can you imagine if you click your fingers saw yourself in the mirror went nope don't i mean jeez in my head i'm becoming a fucking worldie no but that he specifically said you can't do that but i i but i can do whatever i want to my podcast so i'll change the question if i want to all right would you go and do stand up no would you not would you not love to try your set as jennifer roe yeah maybe i mean if i had a gig book that nice yeah i think you'd fucking it'd be i would love to see you do stand up as a woman yeah i just don't know you'd have to maybe edit out a few lines but yeah you never thought about this before because i've thought if i was a woman that i'd be a bit of a slag. Do you know what I mean? But with men?

Yeah. Like, not in a gay way. It's so funny. You're so hetero that if you were a woman, you'd still be hetero. Yeah. Like, not because, like, I just, I'm putting myself in the shoes of a straight woman. I just think I would be a bit of a guzzler. Well, I'm telling you right now,

if old Danielle Nightingale comes out and she's half fit and she hasn't got alopecia, I'm going down Manchester, I'm going down the village and I'm finding myself some fucking lesbian lady lumps. The thing is though, I think I'm more attractive to men than I am most lesbians. Hang on. Attracted who? is though i think i'm more attractive to men than i am most lesbians hang on attracted who you're attracted to you're attracted to most men more than you are lesbians yeah jennifer or adam me yeah right i find a lot of lesbians unattractive okay yeah and with men i can appreciate a good looking man

even if I don't want to suck his dick like I feel annoyed on behalf of every lesbian in the world like

that's so annoying like I am not gay but I would rather suck a dick than have sex with a lesbian that's on you

that's Adam Rowe at Adam Rowe Comedy I'd be with I'd be out I'd be out I'd At Adam Rowe Comedy. I'd be with... I'd be out in a gay bar. I'd be in Hebden Bridge before you fucking knew it. I've met more men who have been like, he's a good looking lad than I have met lesbians who I've been attracted to.

I'd look like Robin. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. We used to have a lesbian manager, didn't we? We did. We used to have a lesbian manager. She was attractive. I'd rather fuck her than fuck you.

You're all over the fucking road here, Jen. All over the road. The other option, as we've really got stuck on that one, is the,

your age appearance. I mean, you're always going to go with that, aren't you? What, you can just do it at will?

You can just be like, I guess I wouldn't know if I go, do I come back? Yeah, yeah, you just get to change will. You can just be like, I wouldn't know if I go, do I come back? Yeah, yeah. You just get to change it. You can be like for the day,

I'm going to be 19 year old, Adam. Oh, well then definitely the woman one. Yeah. But the age one, I see. What?

It's definitely the age one. No. That'd be fucking amazing. Why? Just go, like literally go 98 year old Dan. And you'd be like, and you were 98. And then you couldn't come back. Why? Just go, like, literally go, 98 year old Dan, and you'd be like, you'd look,

98, and then you go, you go onto a five-a-side pitch, and be like, oh, that's, can I ever go at five-a-side? And then fucking,

you know how good you are, just fucking worldy, on the right wing. But if I change my age, am I not, I was just a pig? Affected by my age. It's just my appearance

look oh well then yeah the age one in it there she comes she's got there jennifer rose got around to it you just go back to 19 and old adam in pop world oh i don't know i've seen some of them pictures yeah i've grown into my face he looks better now a lot better now So do you Yeah but Pop World Was funner back then Yeah So you'd go back to them Wouldn't you You're not going back in time

You're not going back in time No but I mean You are you I just have the appearance Of 19 year old Adam But now Yeah but I'm saying The experience

Yeah but you can't go to Pop World Looking like that Why We just look a bit old Don't we Nah we I'm got The second Pop World opens

I'm going back Yeah go Right I'm so sick of fucking world opens I'm going back yeah right I'm so sick of fucking hearing about pop world when we do a live show in Liverpool

can we go to pop world afterwards really I just want to see it yeah and can we see the cubicle in heebie jeebies where she got

where she got touchy with you yes okay great my name's still on the wall in your own blood I'm not gonna get my name's still on the wall in your own blood I love I'm not gonna get over

the fact that if you're a woman you'd be sucking dick I love it I'd be dirty I fuck everything I don't know whether I could actually suck a dick

but I'd take one do you know what I mean press the button it's been an absolute pleasure. I think the age thing would be phenomenal. Yeah, but I don't want to look 19 in this modern world. I look so good at 22. You've seen pictures of me and you.

The fact that any woman went near either of us... Speak for yourself. ...is astounding. No, you look like a slug. He's looked very similar for the last 10 years. No. Thank you, Don. No.

Him without a beard, he looks fucking ridiculous. Wait, he's looked like that for all the time I've known him? No, he didn't have a beard until he was like 20. I've known him since he was about 20. Yeah. So at 19, he looked ridiculous. Do you want to see pictures? I didn't look ridiculous.

I just didn't have a beard he looked stupid the fact that you look this good after the pictures I've seen of your pop world heebie-jeebies days

you've definitely grown into the old fizzles but he looks similar I look shocking compared to how I looked at 23

I look like a young lesbian can we have a picture of you to slide in here so the people can reference? Oh, yeah, if you've got some kitchen roll to dry yourself up. Thank you. Well, I apologise to all my gay female friends who enjoyed that little last ride

round the fucking block with old Jenny Rowe, who's a cum-guzzling whore. Your own words. Fucking Mother Teresa over here and I swear to God I want to be taken

to Pop Girl I know Tony Carroll's got mates in the industry we can go to all the cool places fuck that I want to go Pop World even if it's just for one

cheap nasty drink we'll get thinner Blue Wicked oh that's what you have to drink there you don't get Blue Wicked you drink Jager

you drink Sambuca you drink Sours you drink S smain off ice any time of the day vodka red bull yeah love it oh fuck off covid we're bored of you some people say i fight like me dad what are you serious say love it get the lesbians back outside with a bewitched love bewitched say you do say you don't alright well that's a good time

to pie this one off see you after the break what a fucking pro what's happening guys are you on board the CBD oil train yet? Whether you are or you aren't,

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You've got fat titties just like Jennifer Rowe. I can't see your nipples. Oh, yeah, I can. So, O'Shea, we reckon that if Adam was a woman, just got clicked, changed gender now, was the female 29-year-old Jennifer Rowe, doesn't Adam look like the female him-year-old Jennifer Rowe. Doesn't Adam look like the female him has big tits?

Yeah, definitely. Yes. I see them now. You know what I mean? She got them good old titties, Jenny Rowe. But she loves dick. Anyway, nice to see you, mate. And you, man. Thank you for having me on, love.

That's Stephen O'Shea in the building. Thank you, fellas. Thanks for having me on, love. One of my oldest friends. Yeah. Someone I've always, you know. We've been on the block together. Oh, yeah. Grew up together. Thank you, fellas. Thanks for having me on, lads. One of my oldest friends. Yeah. Someone I've always, you know. Been on the block together. Grew up together.

Grew up together. One of our most requested guests, though. Really? We put like a feeling out every now and then. We're just like, who do you want us to get on in the next couple of months? Because we book our guests sort of on a week-by-week basis early. Yeah. One of our most requested guests.

Former Don't Flop champion. Former champion of UK battle rap. former don't flop champion former champion of UK battle rap I don't know why you're telling me I know all of us do I was there with him yeah man

thanks for coming in I appreciate you having me on my voice is a bit fucker screaming at the telly last night but yeah it's not good

big Everton fan yeah yeah I've got that whole sore throat at the minute but it's not Covid yeah but that you just put up the toffees for Covid you just put up the toffees for everything

you put up the toffees and then I check what the Everton result is and you're like oh it was a draw up the toffees you've lost, up the toffees we'll be back exactly right it's just the end of every game Karl just writes up the toffees

on fucking Twitter yeah but to be fair to Carl if you could only write that whenever and win you wouldn't be writing it for any other why is it more this year than you cunts did though have you seen more games I'm going to say yeah order

let's not do that yeah man people weren't just like asking people were getting to the point where they were like Order, order, order. Let's not do that. Yeah, man. People weren't just like asking. People were getting to the point where they were like, right, what's going on? Where's O'Shea? Why have you not asked O'Shea out?

What's the beef? Surprised they haven't asked for Shuffle on that more than me, though, to be honest, they have, haven't they? No, they've asked for you. You're definitely the most requested rap battler, and also we get asked a lot to get Shottie and Lunar on as well. You've never battled Shottie, have you? Yeah, I have, yeah.

Have you battled Shottie? Battled Shottie on the Lab Battle event. Oh, that was his original? His original one, yeah. He went to battle Flex Digits and he didn't turn up. So two days before, he asked me to jump in. And obviously he'd prepared for Flex Digits. So we just changed the odd word through it. He was like calling me

a come from yorkshire and then he came from liverpool i didn't even rhyme you know just fit it in to get it in is that a video does that exist we can watch yeah why have we never watched that yeah it's probably freestyle wise it's probably my best ever battle because i didn't know i was battling them till the day like two days before that's boss i'll probably put that on we so me and carl often drive here together because we both still live over in West Derby and like sometimes we just have music on but a lot of the time

we just put like a battle on and just listen to it on the way over I think probably the reason we haven't watched that most of the battles that me and Carl watch don't flop

we don't watch a lot of the American ones unless it's a British battler on King of the Dot because the American ones as much as I appreciate it when they're just screaming about how big the gun is for half an hour I just get a bit bored I'd rather it be a bit funnier and a bit more creative the dot um because the american ones as much as i appreciate it when they're just screaming about

how big the gun is for half an hour i just get a bit bored yeah yeah i'd rather it be a bit funnier and a bit more it needs to be a mix of everything going to get involved i do like it but you're okay you can just take the afternoon i'm literally looking at you and you look so much blacker than you've ever looked in my eyes you're the whitest like i like bewitched and the music of pop world he's like yeah yeah i don't i don't really like i don't love like the bars they spit in america you know i mean i'm like who the fuck is this guy i apart from the blind battle rapper in america blind fury blind fury who's fucking i don't know that guy i don't so i've gone down a youtube but like you can't help because he comes out he's from like the south he's

from carolina or i'm not too sure he moved to new york to like become bigger and he's not from new york and he's blind and he looks like someone's brought like the special friend he's proper blind he's not like blind he can't just see he's blind and he's fucking funny is that what happens you can lose so much sight you'd have to see him you'd have to see it

you'll get what I mean once you see him no but so so you know last week Pete Otway said he was in the backstage and there was a lad on that was blind

and he didn't know so he introduced him didn't do anything with the mics the blind guy starts walking around, and Pete's offstage going, shit, he's blind. Blind Fury is clearly disabled.

You clock him, and he's like, instantly you're like, okay. And then when you obviously know that he's blind, he's so fucking funny. And so when the American, like, battle rappers try and do what you were talking about to a disabled-looking blind guy,

it doesn't work. Yeah. It's like a superpower. I fucking watch that all day. There's another blind one from Canada. I don't know if you've seen him. Man is ill, he's called. No.

He battled Sharon once. Okay. And obviously Sharon's a skinny white fella. And he opens his bars with like you black motherfucker you stupid fat motherfucker it's fucking brilliant

like oh nice see so a big a big debate that like seems well not debate but like a big conversation

I think that got referenced a lot in the Don't Flop Battles is the jokes versus bars yeah sort of thing which I think the best example of the

either side of that is when you battled Tony D yeah which was your title defence because you won the first ever UK

don't flop title match against Sensei which was a rematch yeah that was the first defence so it's don't flop like the branding

it's don't flop like it's the league it's like the league so there's UFC and't flop like... It's the league. It's like the league. So there's UFC and there's like... So that's like Bellator. And then America have got URL, which is like they certainly like to think of themselves as the best league in the world.

The Canadian league is called King of the Dot. And there's also, there's a lot of like sub-leagues as well. Some battlers who get pissed off with the leagues that they're in because they're not getting enough main events, they end up setting up their own ones, going, well, I'll just make myself the main event. Right. So Don't Flop's one of the UK big boys.

Don't Flop was... It was huge at one point, but it spiraled down. There was a lot of shit that went on politics. The easiest way to look at it is like wrestling. Yeah. You've got WWE, ww aw you know it's different sub genres of it like and people move to stuff that yeah then you've got the east lancashire wrestling league we're in tricksies every friday night we've had we've had two women

die but that's a good weekend yeah yeah yeah but don't flop at the point because you did the first ever don't flop battle ever didn't you the first ever one that got put on there was an event before that but everything was that bad

that it was like fucking hell we need to at least write something on this everyone turned up and freestyled and people were like yo yo

and it was just like nah sack this off so there was one event but that was the first event that I went to and that was the first battle

that went online like don't flop and then you went on to battle sort of everyone in the league battled Censor before and then

there was a bit of a a grudge there wasn't there well to be honest not a grudge with me but he said stuff that at the time when you're battling

you don't realise what's really going on you're just focusing on getting your own stuff out but a lot of the stuff he said he was starting to get death threats and stuff and well he was getting death threats from like people your fans no yeah well not really my fans just from people who got put onto it yeah so because

he was talking about vish jones and stuff like that yeah the next thing i'd had a message off someone from one of those fucking gangs yeah saying who the fuck's this lad and what is the dress and all that i was like I can't give it all that. Then he got in touch with me and said, these have got in touch with me here. Yeah. And obviously he was like,

oh, I'm not taking it serious. I was like, you know what, you probably best I'd take it serious because these are... And where is he from?

Norwich. That's the thing about East Anglia. You don't really want to get in the beef of Liverpool do you that's not a fair fist fight is it

right I tell you what they came round fucking Norfolk yeah it was weird like because there was people started really

disliking him and that and then I'd like so to defend him saying oh it's just a rap battle and he said it in his rap battle but I understand

in the context why people didn't like it but then like I was getting messages off people who we worked with saying talk about this one time when he was in the canteen and he stared at this girl too long and this girl went hey who are you looking at you know it got to that point so people were giving me all information on it was like well fuck this you know what it's like it's like you know when you're comparing and the the best man of a stag do comes up to you

so that happens a lot to us you know like on a weekend at a comedy club like you'll like they'll be like we'll get told when we get there there's three stag do comes up to you. So that happens a lot to us, you know, like on a weekend at a comedy club. Like, they'll be like, we'll get told when we get there there's three stag do's and one will come up to us and go, lad,

listen, right, he's getting my ears, right, and he's only got one ball and his beard's cheated on him like five times. Use that,

lad, use that, use that. They never know where the line is and they don't even know where the terminology is. No, lad,

heckle him. You're like, no, I can't heckle him. Kind of, right heckle him kind of right no no no no no we call him uh we call him gay steve he's not gay and his nan and his mum died in the same week say that say that watch him cry he'll fucking cry ruin his month you're like no that's not good that's totally not good i can't believe you were there that night big shout out to gay steve oh he's crying he's left oh so we had that happen abroad on like genuine army army gig story we were doing a gig for the forces and the compere was like taking notes from people like oh say you're you know second paras are

fucking mental and they were like oh yeah give some shit someone passed a note anonymously just like give some shit to the captain he's a he's a and it was a someone who really didn't like him having a fucking go and had mentioned something that was really sensitive and it kicked off and at the end they all had to have a meeting as all these for all his mates and this captain's like gutted and everyone's having to go and some dickhead compares there with a piece of paper going i didn't know um i'm sorry i didn't know i just handed a piece of paper you're like yeah well don't don't fucking say it then the thing with a rap battle is when you sign up to it you you accept that anything goes don't you because you're you're the one standing in front

of them so you're like one standing in front of them. So you're like, I'm allowed to say anything about him so he can say anything about me and my family. And people do get really fucking personal and there's battlers who are known for being more personal than others. But if you're going to start rapping about kids who get shot, there's going to be people who are watching it going,

I'm not having that. The way I look at it is you can say what you want, but you've got to be prepared for people not to be happy with what you say yeah you can't just say what you want and expect everyone's my attitude with comedy everyone used to go oh that's sound if you're willing to take what's coming back to you say what you want but people will kick off at you and he said even worse stuff than that you know what i mean yeah um but that's it you have literally almost word for word said that except with a comedian he's always accountable to how many people laugh and the reaction in the room so when adam's talking

about saying what he wants to say he's talking about things like the victoria's secret bit which is about which is about basically fat people and and wanting to be a victoria's secrets model it's more issues based that people on twitter get wound up about. Doing jokes about news stories where someone's been killed, murdered, kids have been hurt. Yeah.

Like, comedians very rarely fuck with that because the first time they try it is at a new material night and the crowd go, what the fuck did you just say?

And they go, oh, I'm never going to say that again. I was at a gig, a comedy gig years ago. I can't remember it was it wasn't it was

it was on the Albert Dock Baby Blue no way you weren't there for that with the Rhys Jutton's and Madeleine McAnjo that's mad we spoke about that

were you there we were there and there on like my mate's fucking night Dave Longley is that where we were I couldn't remember

but I was there when that happened and then somebody shouted something else I think he shouted what would you do if one of the fucking family members were in here Dave Longley? Is that who he was? I couldn't remember. But I was there when that happened and then somebody shouted something else. I think he shouted, what would you do if one of the fucking family members were in here? And then the fucking atmosphere

just went like fucking sketchy as fuck. Oh my God. That's so weird. That is legendary. Is it? See, I didn't know that. It's legendary amongst comics. Is it?

Yeah, I didn't know that, but we were there on that night. And especially the people in it. So just to give you a bit of context on that. So the comic is a mate of ours, a colleague of ours, his name's Dave Longley, and he's known for being a very provocative,

he will say something if it's going to make him laugh. And he will sort of deal with the consequences and whatever. Carl worked at Baby Blue and ran the show at Baby Blue for years. Dan was one of the regular compers at Baby Blue. I was at one point banned from performing at Baby Blue Dan shared an agent

with the comic in question no mate he's a good mate of mine and you were at that gig would I know him from because I've been to a fair few gigs would I

he does Hot Water every now and then he didn't do Liverpool for a while yeah after that of course after that

because it became a story where's he from he's from no he's from the East Midlands by the way dave's not a cunt in any way he is his sense of humor is so close to that line he wants people to go oh and then for some people to go yeah but that line when especially this is 12 years ago yeah it was it was not far after it had happened

I had an interview with Radio City years ago and they asked me to come on under the pretense of all you know talking about hip hop

and all stuff when one of our Dick Limerick albums went sort of semi-viral and he brought us on the first thing they fucking asked me was oh can you

tell me about this and he talked about Hillsborough and Rhys Jones and what other battles were in while I was on the thing and I just went to pieces went to pieces didn't know what to do

didn't know what to say well they asked you what do you think about battlers mentioned stuff like this first question didn't ask anything about anything else as soon as i sat down it was the first thing they asked me it's interesting because we spoke about that not so long ago on this uh it might have been on a patreon episode actually but like my attitude is very similar to what you've just said i'll say what my attitude on stage is i'll say anything that i think i can defend but there's other comics who are like if i think it's funny i'm fucking saying it and i get that and i will defend their right to have that stance on it but you've also got to expect that sometimes you're going to say something but i also can't have my attitude and then get upset when a

comedian says something so there's a comic that we know who sat next to me. There's a show in Edinburgh called Hating Live where you're meant to do offensive jokes. And he did a Hillsborough joke. And I just had to sit there and swallow it. Because I can't do a joke about Michael Jackson fucking children, knowing that there's a chance there's someone in the room who got nonced as a kid.

Yeah, I know what you mean. It's an awkward it's a very it's a it's an awkward line isn't it it's such an awkward line i remember being there when somebody said something about james bulger and everyone laughed yeah and like i didn't laugh but i couldn't fucking kick off because i've said stuff about other people that's offense it's a it's a it's a murky waters you've got to either be offended by everything that's why like when i see comedians moan god i hate these people who are offended by everything i'm like i've got more respect for them than people who just choose their one thing and go you can't joke about washing machines because my mum killed herself by putting her head in a washing machine my least favorite thing of like we even mentioned it i think on monday like oh

you've mentioned the thing that i get upset about laughing at all the other stuff where we're totally like playing on the line and everything but in the room when you're pissed off about something you're allowed a crowd is that's the whole fun of live performance in it if a crowd turn around and go no mate you're like oh that's my my bad you're not into it you either you either dodge around it or think on your feet but it's the people who then tweet about it put a trip advisor up or email the echo and then you're like now it's something totally different now you're fueling that like i can't believe this has been said because all of the people that kick off when they've once you've read comedian says this at a

gig at the albert dock and it's really offensive of course you're then going to go well I think it's offensive because you're like you're not hearing the joke you're not in the room because what we were talking about before that ended up in the echo and all stuff like that

yeah yeah yeah it was news because of what what what and then that journalist who sat down with you is just trying to generate straight away

that story and that was the same person who was going back and forth with me on the emails you know asking to talk about we're going to talk about this and that was the same person who was going back and forth with me on the emails you know asking to talk about we're going to talk about this and that was the first thing

they asked me the second they sat down they turned it on before we started I just like to talk about this and talked about stuff that censored and said

and I was just gobsmacked because I wasn't prepared for it I didn't have any sort I know what my views on it all are it's wrong but I didn't say it I've got such little respect for journalists

that I'd have literally just told them to fuck off I'd ended up stopping straight away it went on for about two minutes and they carried on with questions

of that nature is that a tactic to blindside you to go let's not get uncomfortable let's just hit him so you say something that's newsworthy

yeah it must have been because like I said it only went on for two minutes before it got stopped but there was nothing else asked about. I know two minutes doesn't sound that long,

but when they're firing questions at you that you haven't really got an answer for, they must have asked seven or eight questions about stuff like that. Yeah. And I was just fucking frozen. Everything after that, it's not like after that they're going to go, so you won this?

Yeah, yeah. They don't care really about everything else. It's gone. Have you said anything that you can remember that you regret saying? Yeah, it's a pamphlet. What, can you say it? Yeah, his dad had died

and he was saying something about his dad and I said, you know, can't remember what the line was, but it ended with, your dad's dead. Good. You know, that sort of stuff. And, you know, sort of stuff and you know

the only reason I'm laughing is because both of our mums are dead right they died when we were teenagers and we have spent

a good part of the year doing dead mum jokes so many that it's ridiculous you just his dad died

and I went pfft naturally it's become the funniest thing you can have on, on Have A Word. Yeah. So you regret doing that?

I don't regret doing that, more than, more than the fact that he's my mate, and I don't, believe in what I said myself, do you know what I mean? It was just for shock factor, and getting a bit of a reaction for it.

Yeah. I don't, I haven't said anything that I'd class as offensive. I've not said anything along the lines of, any kids getting killed, or, you know, stabbings, or, I wouldn't mention anything along the lines of any kids getting killed or you know stabbings

or I wouldn't mention anything gang culture wise yeah because it's not worth it is it no like it's not worth the aggro

that is defo coming your way yeah but then I understand why someone from Plymouth who doesn't have a clue what goes on in Manchester or Birmingham

or Liverpool will say oh you know and talk about these gangs you're like what the fuck I sort of have that, you know, with the newspaper

that we refuse to name on this, like we don't buy in them, right? Like when I see sort of scousers having a go at like people from Plymouth or somewhere going, why are you doing an article in that? I'm like, I know why we ate it.

And if any scouser, if you were in it, I'd be like, what the fuck's O'Shea doing? Because you know better. If you did something, I'd be like what the fuck's O'Shea doing because you know better if you did something I'd be like Dan what the fuck are you doing

but like we expect everyone to know that everything we give a shit about don't we yeah of course yeah do you know what I mean Schultz Schultz using it

in his Netflix specials or one of his videos and someone emailed in and went what do you think about Schultz using the paper that shouldn't be mentioned?

You're like, he's in New York. Yeah, of course. He doesn't know the story. Yeah, he hasn't. I understand when people are pissed off that like Stephen Graham or fucking Mooney went to them. They're disappointed. That's disappointing because they know what goes on.

Who's Stephen Graham? Stephen Graham is the Scouse actor. He played Combo in This Is England. He's in Al Capone and fucking Broadbore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's fucking great.

There's a picture of him promoting a movie and he's holding a framed copy of that newspaper. And if you go on any of his tweets, any of them, it'll turn up down there.

Look in the replies and they'll be like, you're going to address this. And if you say that to him, you could do it now. Go on his latest tweet and go, explain this.

You just get blocked. He's never addressed it. He's never spoken about it. It sort of seems to me with him in particular, like, did he just not realise he was doing it?

Because he must have known. I hate his face on it because I think his face is sort of like, what am I doing? Yeah. Like, what am I doing here?

Like, he doesn't look happy to be promoted at all, but he blocks everyone. He's never addressed it, what am I doing here? Like, he doesn't look happy to be promoted at all, but he blocks everyone. He's never addressed it, ever. And, like, the video of, do you remember, like, that, like, sort of, it worked, but it was a little bit cringey,

the video, when Hicks and Gillette, and it was, like, get out of our club, and they had Ricky Tomlinson, and they had Gareth from the Anfield Rap, and Neil Fitzmaurice, and like they all did like this video to camera to George Hicks and is it Tom? No, Tom Hicks and George Gillette. Tom Hicks, George Gillette.

And they were Liverpool's owners before Family Sports Group took over. And it was basically- The shit Americans. Yeah, they were like, you came in and you promised that you were going to put a spade in the ground within 90 days.

You were going to get us a new stadium. None of it's happened. You've just trying to steal money out of our club fucking get out of our city and he's in that video he's in the video as well steven graham's in that video and that like i struggle now because genuinely at one point and there's definitely a scouse parochial he's one of ours about this but he was possibly my favourite actor for a bit. Because Combo, not in the film This Is England necessarily because he's disgusting

and not as good as he's an actor. But his story in the This Is England TV series, and I watched every single bit of that, it got more and more complex.

He showed such a good range to play that character in. I thought he was fucking brilliant. He's gone to work for Martin Scorsese and played Al Capone in a massive

US hit, Broadwalk Empire. And he was- He's in The Irishman. Yeah, The Irishman. He's fucking great, isn't he?

A Scouse lad done good who should be remembering his roots because it's fucking drilled into you as a Scouse. You're always a Scouse no matter where you move to. I know he lives in fucking Derbyshire or whatever.

And then I seen that. I think what happened was I tweeted saying he's one of my favourite actors, Stephen Graham. And it was Rob Thomas and was like have you seen this

and I was like I can't not hate you now because you're being a fucking bellend aren't you it's just yeah it's strange

and it's like he's got to have had a moral sort of view in his head what's going on here he kind of just went oh yes Sand he's not fucking stupid lad

he knew exactly he knew exactly what was coming and that's why he doesn't address it because there's not and he can say he can't say sorry because everyone will go well you've what was coming and that's why he doesn't address it. Because there's nothing he can say. He can't say sorry. Because everyone will go,

well, you've fucking done it now, fuck off. And he can't go, it was in my contract, everyone will go, oh, so you're the sellout. There's no answer. Could he not have afterwards come out and gone, I've fucked up here.

I shouldn't have done it and I shouldn't have been there. I think Liverpool's quite an unforgiving city, to be honest. Yeah. I think the reason Rooney got forgiven a bit more because obviously that story was sold to a fucking independent thing wasn't it? Yeah

and then it ended up in the sun so it looked like he'd gone straight to the sun but he hadn't but with that one he's physically holding a copy isn't he? Yeah so I had a bit of trouble with that so when I when I won that award, Best Joke of the Fringe thing, every newspaper in the country reported it very positively.

Apart from them. And I told them quite publicly to fuck off a couple of times. They offered me a full two-page spread to promote my tour. And I had my publicist on the phone going, you're getting a full two-page spread in that? And I went, Mel, I'm not doing it. Fuck off. And she was like, I know there's these squabbles

with that paper in your city. She'll never get that. You need to, because this is really big. And I was like, it's not happening. So then I was like, a bit naively, don't get me wrong, because you're taking on a fucking media giant. I just went on Twitter and said, I've just been offered this. I'd rather have empty shows.

They can go fuck themselves. And you're talking like 100,000 likes. People retweeted it everywhere. Good on the lad. Everyone should buy tickets to his tour because he's done this. And it did what it was meant to do. Yeah, yeah.

But it also pissed them off. So they reported that I'd stolen that joke. Really? Yeah. Front page. It was audible. And they're not known for being vindictive. So that's a surprise, isn't it?

I went into the shop and went, I'm going to go and have a look in it because I didn't want him to see it. And I looked in the paper. And it did. Not like a little fucking corner thing. On the front page. And they just made that up?

They just fucking... The joke was a bit hacky and shit. They were like, he's stolen it. It's an old... The job sensor joke. It's not a good joke. And I didn't ever want to win an award for it. Like, we've covered it on this a thousand times.

There was a reason that joke was in that show and in that bit and whatever. I never asked to win an award that gets national coverage for the worst joke in my show. I didn't ask for that. But they reported it that way. So then me publicist was like,

we need to address this. And I was like, I don't want to address it. They can just fuck off. And she went, right, well, we need to put a statement out because you've just won an award which you get a big cash prize for in this exposure we need to put a statement out so I went okay let's put a statement out and then Chortle full circle for the start of this episode they reported the statement and because the statement was in response to something that had been in that newspaper

Chortle reported it as speaking to and I rang Mel do you remember and I was like I don't care what happens but get that off that fucking website because I did not talk to them I spoke to you and we put a public statement out because I can't be seen as speaking to them

this is London journalists and London PR that will never get it. They're like, oh. Like the fact that the term squabble was used. Now, I know there's, come on. There's these bloody Merseyside squabbles, you know. But we need to get over it and get some good PR. Like, they'll never get it. Yeah.

Oh. To be fair to Steve Venator, Chortley did change the article. He's a good guy. In a public statementator shortly did change the article he's a good guy he's in a public statement just want to say he's a great guy uh chortle.co.uk if you'd like to nominate us for an award we'd like to win great guy great journalist oh shay we'll never sell out What would you say Because my favourite battle of yours Is with Tony Because I love both of yours

And I think it's brilliant I also like the Luna battle as well But I want to know what your favourite one is There's a few Uno, Tony Uno was great when the lights kept going off Yeah Is there a guy called

This guy's called Luna and Uno and then there's someone called Tony. Yeah. That's how it works. Fucking hell, you want to see Tony rap? He's amazing.

And he does great plastering. Fucking phenomenal. So, Tony D. Fuck off. Yeah. Tony D is the guy who beat O'Shea

in the title match and took O'Shea's title off him is it like is it like the heavyweight heavyweight belt you've got to beat oh that's cool

so it's not a championship every year it's a no it's like a number one consent that type sort of thing yeah that's fucking cool

people who do the best rise up in the ranks and if you're a champion league is in such do you have to just the venue's just wherever it is't it? People who do the best rise up the ranks. And if you're a champion... There's no league as in such, you know. Do you have to just... The venue's just wherever it is,

or do you get to do a home venue in a way? Like... When it was at its prime, it was going around the country. It would be in a different city every four weeks or every two weeks. There was a time when it was selling out Ministry of Sound and selling out all the venues all over the country we go to.

Now it's gone way down. It's still big in Norfolk, though, I hear. Norwich is still massive. I think they're one of the only places that's still got their own little scene going on, to be honest. They are. It's mad, isn't it? East Anglia, I think they call it.

He's not even messing, you know. No, that's real. There's a league called Beast Anglia. Beast Anglia? Which does sound like I'm telling you right now West Country peanut flour

whoever came out with that is a Finn's fucking flying look at that Finn well done lad I think he managed to make that worse

no one no one noticed a big Welshman bounding in Beast Anglia you can push it down a little bit if you need to

that's alright that's perfect Beast Anglia you can push it down a little bit if you need to that's alright that's perfect Beast Anglia is what a fucking name it does sound like like a nonce who roams around near Ipswich

one of those crime investigation programs the Beast from Anglia I've only been to two events weirdly because I've been a fan of it for maybe

seven or eight years Paul Smith was the one who introduced me so I was saying that before. But I was in London for some gigs, and I went on my own. Yeah, you turned up at one of the London events, didn't you? Was that a Ministry of Sound one? Me and Carl went to a Ministry of Sound one.

Seventh birthday, it was. Seventh birthday. It was against that kid, Swist. I don't know whether you were battling on the day we... You were there. You were there. But you weren't battling that day. You battled the day before.

So it was... Shossi battled Charlie Clips on the Saturday. We went on the Sunday because I couldn't go on the Saturday. We saw Tony battle Chiller Jones. Yeah, I know which one you're on, but yeah. I mean, this is all pretty obvious. I know all this anyway. Carry on.

But yeah, to answer your question from before just before I carry on having a lovely conversation while you can make some tea I'm just interested I think it's interesting

so yeah there's Tony D so these are talking battles there's Tony D rapping from London like the lads in America

Uno Lavos is from Philadelphia Uno Lavos Uno Lavos yeah please fuck. Uno Lavos? Uno Lavos? Yeah. Please, fucking. Cornerback. Sky Sports News.

What the fuck is that? Geoffrey Archer ruled out of England's second test against India in Chennai with an elbow injury. Oh, well, I'm glad, because you're mad on cricket, aren't you? So you'll really want to know about the second test in Chennai. Put your notifications on for a reason. Uno Lavos has just signed for Levente as well. And Luna C is from... That's a good name.

Is from Leeds or Bradford? Bradford, yeah. He's from Bradford, yeah. Oh, you've shown me Luna C before. Yeah. Well, we put bottles on in here sometimes when we're cleaning up or when you're cleaning up

and I'm watching bottles. Not bad. Absolutely not bad. Shorty as well. You like shorty, bad. Absolutely not bad. Shorty as well. You like shorty, don't you? Yeah. Shorty horror.

So, just, I just want to, I just love watching in process. I just want to, I love finding out about, there's probably a lot

of similarities between stand up and the, how do you come up? Like, is there like an under 18s or a youth league? Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah because you can't you get picked for England

yeah you're flown over to the Slovakian he's only flown but he fucking he's amazing he's been he's been rap battling

42 year olds who's the youngest rap battler you've seen knocking about there's Blizzard's probably the youngest one to get to a level

where he's on the main cards, but there's 12, 13-year-olds who do it. I mean, the way I started, I started when I was 13, 14, just in school. As soon as you find out that one other person in your school raps, it sort of became like that. You know, oh, you've got to rap battle against him.

I was rap battling when I was in school, but obviously then when you go, we started putting videos out when I was like 16 17 of ones in like parties and stuff when you realize there's three or four rappers and they come together and then it it just escalated from there and then people started watching all those videos and then league started popping up because they realized it was popular on youtube yeah and youtube came along if it was a massive explosion of it because they were getting so many views like hundreds of thousands of views

on some of these battles like people like young rappers in the same way that now we're getting comedians going can I come on have a word and promote me book like there's rappers going

if I go on battling Don't Flop and have a great couple of battles and I get like a few thousand people then they'll buy me mixtape or they'll and it was different like when it started everybody used to battle used to rap so you'd be a rapper first and then you'd start battling but as as Don Flop got bigger and rap battling got bigger you'd have like comedians or people who weren't rappers who thought well do you know what I might get a hundred thousand views off doing a decent one of these so they went into that and they weren't rappers who thought well do you know what i might get a hundred thousand views off doing a decent one of these so they went into that and they went they couldn't they wouldn't have had

a rap song or a rap verse at all but they go into battling because it became bigger but it's basically just spoken word then and it starts with a bit more flow yeah who's just i can't having asked who the youngest is who's the oldest person you've seen rap battling i mean what tony on the top so many well cashmore r.i.p but he was he was battling till he was 40 odd yeah i honestly didn't know how old he was gonna be 40 obviously you're dead at 40 i'm sure i'm sure a lot of the american ones have been doing it for that long how old's Tony Tony is a couple of years older than me so he's got to be at least 40 I reckon

yeah I'm 37 so yeah I think he's two years older than me Joker star Vib T yeah

they're all around that age as well yeah Tony gets a lot of shit in battles as you did as well for being one of the older ones didn't you

but Tony seems to get that a lot more than anyone else I'm so glad you're here because I get fucking hammered on this podcast and we're all doing fuck

do you ever worry about that because sometimes they're giving me shit about like not watching I didn't watch Pokemon I was poking girls Kobe

that's a nice little bar that was good I made myself cringe I know former British Battle Rap Champions just told you that was a bar That's a nice little bar there. That was good. I made myself cringe. I know. Former British Battle Rap Champion has just told you that was a bar. Yeah, I know, but he's an old one, isn't he?

I wouldn't lie nowadays. But if you had to rap battle someone younger, would you be like, I'm not, is this going to... I've battled kids. I've battled younger people and I've, you know,

I've gone down the hall. What do you know about late night Channel 5 gone down the hall, what do you know about late night Channel 5 porn and all that? What do you know about WCW? What do you know about all that shit? You know what I mean?

David Duchovny and, what's it, Red Shoe Diaries and all that. Nice. And they just haven't got a fucking clue what I'm talking about. But as long as it's getting the fucking reaction.

But then they say stuff, they say stuff that I've watched. I, cause, I'm not, cause of COVID and that, it hasn't really been going on this year. So I've watched a a few recently and like I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about the slang's changed I don't know what they're talking about half the time but I appreciate that

if they're getting a reaction they must be doing something right yeah yeah fair enough is there anything that's ever been said I mean the answer will be yeah but I suppose what I'm after is an example of like something that someone's said to you where you've just gone ah fuck do you know what I mean like they've got me there like that's

not really not really no not as in like you're pissed off I just mean like that's dead good that's funny yeah there's loads

of times like it's hard to explain like because it won't it's not personal stuff that's got me but there's lines that people say to you and they think

that's fucking brilliant that yeah like Dirk Bagdan when he said like I'm in the hands I'm in the club with me hands up

you're like in the fucking pub give me hands up and all that stuff but it's it's hard to explain like what there's so many

I've done that many done nearly 150 odd rap battles a lot recorded rap battles yeah that there's that much stuff that's been said to me

yeah it just flies over my head a lot of it the the one that springs to mind rap battles recorded rap battles yeah that there's that much stuff that's been said to me yeah it just flies over my head a lot of it the the one that springs to mind I'm I hope I've not got

this wrong because Danny McLaughlin another lad we've had on the couch here a mate of ours he loves these battles as well and he loves the

funnier ones and he's a proper hip hop head Danny like he loves more than nearly anyone I know but like he hates

all the like trying to be the most creative bars he wants funny as funny stuff like his favorite battle as as far as i'm aware is big jay and lefty against matted and peace soldier which is dead funny when he's just calling him an owl for like five minutes like you look like an owl it's dead funny but he's just every now and then Daniel just walk into a green room just saying

I don't flop bar and the one he says more than any is what Pedro said to you mum joke time yeah it's fucking brilliant he does say that a lot

he does doesn't he he'll just walk in and go mum joke time your mum's got a tattoo of the ombro sign that's a classic battle that's another one of the battles

that I like you know of myself another one of the battles that I like you know of myself that one back and forth one was a fucking boss one you've battled Pedro about 12 times yeah yeah

because we've both been doing it for that long and we were the ones that would just battle a lot freestyle and stuff every other fucking event we'd end up getting

put in a battle against each other at some point of the event yeah is that good or is that dull are you like if you've done it 11 times you're like the 12th is going to be dry some people can freestyle and some people can't so a lot of so what happened is a lot of them

obviously obviously yeah obviously at the events yo you'd have all set because it's going to end up in mother theresa's pussy real quick No, please don't. Please don't. Please don't. Because it's going to end up in Mother Teresa's pussy real quick. That's what we're after, isn't it? Do you want to rap battle Mother Teresa? I've just been thinking, is that a signed photo of Mother Teresa? Yeah, it is a signed photo. How the fuck do you get a signed one?

It says up the toffees, so it's definitely legit. Oh, I can't bear fucking through again. Is that Kevin Webster? Yes. I spotted Macho Man over there. Yeah, that's signed as well. Oh, yeah. Fucking love it.

It's an eclectic collection. Elizabeth. Basically, the reason Mother Teresa's on there is because I was asking Dan whether he'd fuck her, and then someone paid for it and sent us it in to our PO box. There's a Fred Tarbert one there as well. Also, if anyone wants

to rap battle Mother Teresa, now's the time. Can't get that one on camera, no. What did you just say? If anyone wants to rap battle Mother Teresa, now's the time. I'll fucking spit you up in it. You watch Pokemon. I was poking girls

oh see i really want you to teach dan and have a little battle i don't know if you're up for it why me why not rowey because he knows he knows it and he's done some and he's a bit more adept basically i could have been don't flop champion if it wasn't for me injury you could have been you could have been a lot of things. You could have been a human helicopter. Did you do one of those crap battles when that was going on? I've done three comedy battles.

Have you, yeah? I've lost two quite heavily and won one. Yeah. Were you at the one when I fell over against Sony Carol?

Don't know. That was in the crime, wasn't it? It was the second second crap battle when I battled Sony at the first one and the second one was in the fucking Holidayled Tony at the first one and the second one was in the fucking

Holiday Inn and I was bladdered and he threw 20p on the floor in pennies and I went to pick it up and fucking toppled over off the fucking stage

now that's where rap battling is probably like comedy you don't want to fall over yeah no that's never good but I off the stage as well

I sold it well like you know what I mean for 10 of those I was a bit more injured than I was who did I battle when it was

Eddie Fortune Eddie Fortune yeah I got battled by him because I just didn't write for it and I was like

he's not going to write for it but he fucking did and I just didn't take it seriously but then I wrote

you didn't write for it I just didn't you thought you were going to win it he was asking me for stuff about you

it wasn't Eddie it was the second battle it was Daniel Dixon no I wouldn't give him any who else second battle. It was Daniel Dixon. No, I wouldn't give him any. Who else did you battle? It was Daniel Dixon, Eddie Fortune. You know, those big names from comedy.

And I battled Freddie Quinn in Edinburgh. I think it might have been Fred asking me for stuff. Yeah. Me and Freddie was close. It was just fun. But neither of us really knew what we were doing. So that was like 2014. I'd only just started so that was like 2014 I'd only just started

watching them now it's about 7 years yeah but you know more than Dan I've done 2 no I know but I mean in terms of actual I've done 2 I'm 1 and 1

first one went well because he got really personal and started doing rap battling against my agent who wasn't there it was one of the most amazing things

to watch someone lose without even involving me he was like yeah and your agent's a cunt because he doesn't book me for the frog i'm like mate this is not my battle and it's making you look like a bellend and then the next one it was justin moorehouse who's a mate of mine and was doing that shithouse thing of going let's be nice though let's not be cunts about anything we're not gonna go nasty are we i was like yeah yeah we'll just be fun they started listing girls i'd banged it was absolutely fucking brutal

and then ended with my dad's got Parkinson's I was like Jesus Christ Justin he won Justin the one who opened your DVD special thing in the

no that's Freddie that's Freddie I know Justin's I'm sure I must have seen him he's on tellies yeah yeah stuff like that

and he also you'll know him from doing me in 2016. Would you ever go into it? Would you ever, like, let's say, you know, podcast collapses, comedy forgets about you, and you're just looking for another form of income. You're one and one. You're looking at, like, your job prospects.

No one will hire you because you haven't done anything for 20 years why are you trying to make me feel sad your cat's dead you've been bummed by a homeless guy your wife's left you because you're a cunt would you consider it would you get into it your daughter's a crackhead we've already talked about you have to start with an m&m third round eight mile verse and you've got all that stuff yeah I have been bummed I think me and you I think me and you at a live event at the end

should have a battle right I think that'll be fun right yeah looking forward to that one really looking forward to that one I'm going to play O'Shea

to write for me brilliant yeah right great ten grand and it's coming out of your half of the Patreon money

I'm going to get Tony to write for me the uncle Tony IOT you're alright you're alright do you know what's really funny how far away

the image in your head of Tony is from Tony D yeah because you're picturing a 50 year old fat white guy with heart problems

yeah and he's a really small skinny black guy yeah no I don't really want to rap battle but oh why

I'll do it for comedy sake I'm not doing it here today I'm you know I think you should do a mirror match here today

I reckon you should freestyle battle yourself what would you say about yourself you are such a twat such a twat in podcasting there's like there's a moment sometimes where you can literally just go i'm not i've not got it but for the next minute here's a

fucking grenade and you're holding it and that's what adam did and he literally maneuvered himself for it what would you do if you were doing a rap battle in your mirror i've got a lot of work oh yeah there's a lot. What do you mean in terms of self-deprecation? I've been doing it for a year. I've called myself... Glasses. I've got a small dick. I'm a porn addict.

You look like an autistic kid. Is this a rap battle or are you just having a go? If you're going to just slam the fuck out of me, my daughter's a crackhead. At least make it rhyme, Adam. Your daughter isn't a crackhead, but she's got the potential to be one. Is this an intervention? Could you at least make it rhyme Adam isn't a crackhead but she's got the potential to be one is this an intervention

could you at least make it rhyme got no hair on your fucking head your bones you look like a non right

we're going to have to have a break because I feel really hurt emotionally so let's have a sponsor from

one of the money cunts you've won me over don't say that I know yeah but I'm a battle rapper so I don't give a fuck

see you in Norfolk bitch hey listen to this this podcast have a word yeah is sponsored by beer52.com

and we have been for about a year now they are our OG sponsor and I've got to tell you about them. If you don't know who they are, they are the number one craft beer discovery club in the UK. What's a craft beer discovery club, Adam?

Well, I'll fucking tell you, mate. Okay? What they do is they help you discover craft beer. They send you different craft beers every month from all over the world. Different themes every month as well. You might get a month's worth of South African beers. You might get some from Argentina the next month. You might get some from South Korea or something. All over the world,

they'll help you discover the best craft beers that you've never heard of. And here's the best thing, because you're a listener to this podcast, not only do you get a free case of eight beers and an award-winning beer magazine for free just by going to beer52.com slash word. All you do, pay the postage and packaging, eight free beers, free beer magazine and a little tasty snack as well and also, it helps us out. You support our sponsors, they support us. This thing can keep going. We can keep the Have A Word gravy train on the fucking track.

So go to beer52.com slash word right now and get yourself some bevvies for nothing. Right, we've got some correspondence from our good listeners at haveawordpod at gmail.com if you want to get in on the public jonathan yarker's got a would you rather as he and it's got a uh it's got a little bit of a hip-hop theme so i feel like it's uh very in tune with what

we've been talking about would you rather so okay you just gotta literally you can't be like i do neither you gotta live or die by one of these in this made up world that we're making a living I really love that you explain would you rathers to the guests as if the concept's

gonna be lost on anyone you know you know about a rapping but we know would you rathers so this is you're on our turf now this is our house would you rather be forced

to speak with a weird DMX impression voice including the at the end of every sentence. That's Ja Rule. That's not Ja Rule. That's a stag in heat. What was that?

It's DMX. It's mating season. Fucking... Hey, Rona's done DMX. That's mating season. Fucking, hey, Rona's done DMX. That's Kevin Webster, isn't it? X gone give it to you. I've had the Rona

and now I'm from fucking Charlotte. Focus. Right. Would you rather be forced to speak in a weird DMX impression voice, including the, what?

Did he just do what at the end of everything? Near enough, yeah. Is it X gone give it to you? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. voice including the did he just do what at the end of everything? Is it X gone give it to you? Yeah yeah yeah Alright It's horrible I've got the headphones on Alright

It's no it's my chest infection Now you see what everyone's thinking is a black rapper and what you sound like is my uncle tony the 50 year old white guy with with underlying health issues we'll go be careful fucking profit oh every time you see someone in a wheelchair you have to suddenly push them along 20 yards and go at the top of your voice I'd rather do the DMX one but the wheelchair one

seems a lot more funny to do wouldn't it I think you're going to get arrested for that one the problem with the wheelchair one is what if you're less than 20 yards from the edge of a cliff

push them the other way there was a fella that you're going to live and die by the would you rather's Gerard there was a fella that the You're going to live and die by the would you rathers. Gerard! There was a fella at the train station then in a wheelchair. Was there? Yeah, and he was facing the track as well.

He's a goner there. Right, can I just say... It's not fair to say we as well as I pushed him over. Can I just say, in the would you rather, can you pick the 20 yards where death isn't part of it? You're like, hey, lad, you're facing the cliffs. I've got four to play with. You're 16 yards of here mate you can just turn them and then do the 20 yards it doesn't say that oh it doesn't doesn't so let's just assume it's murderous i'd actually like to just say i'll do both

yeah do while you're pushing them no that's al, that's Al Pacino. That's Al Pacino pushing someone in a wheelchair. She had a great chair! And you got your ass all the way in it! I've laughed a fart out of it. Oh, God. I would love to have DMX's voice. What, Jack? have DMX's voice would you

I'd love to have DMX's nose right now wherever he is can I call bullshit on your fucking arse it's a bad one oh Adam

bloody ro this is happening all the time you're boffing on the pod I think I've seen a video when DMX does a concert

to like an entire continent yeah yeah it's fucking insane you are he's on stage and there's about 17 million people in the crowd

where is he he's in Africa somewhere he performs it's like one of the biggest crowds ever oh my god you can't not see crowd

you can't see it have you seen the start of the Lion King it's like that careful why I don't know why

I just feel like the Lion King is set in Africa yeah yeah and it's like that careful why no i don't know why i just feel like king is set in africa yeah yeah and it's a really good representation of africans so dmx is on stage the giraffes are there the hippo are there yeah and he's going x gone give it to you yeah yeah but that's what it looks like he's like why can i only think of one dX song? I can just think of X-Con, give it to you. Is that the only one he had? Oh, it's fucking loads, isn't he? Party up in here. Is that the only one he had?

You don't know anything about DMX. Come on, behave. Rough Riders. Slip and Rough Riders album. All right, okay. Anthem, sorry. What's the one with Cisco? What these bitches want.

That's a good one. I like that song. In your accent, that was good. We're the hooda.? What These Bitches Want. That's a good one. I like that song. In your accent, that was much better. With the hooda. Yeah, DMX is great. That's my stage entrance song,

I want to get a bit aggy. Right. It was, Little Green Bag, but DMX could be the next one. Right. Yeah. Did you have a walk on song,

O'Shea? No, but when they started doing the wrestling music to walk on I had the Bret Hart theme which I wasn't too happy about

because I wasn't a huge Bret Hart fan to be honest did you not get to pick your own no no they picked it for us

so we just had to accept it have you got a walk on song if you pick yeah no because I'm a

fucking adult comedian it's the kind of thing you do when you're a kid and you're like oh I'm going to walk on to this

and you're like do you want to write your first joke never oh, I'm going to walk onto this and you're like, do you want to write your first joke? Never mind that. I'm going to walk onto the Foo Fighters. That'll be cool. What was your walk-on song

at the live show? Yeah, if you... Oh, yeah, but that was just... I don't mean in real life. I don't mean like

you're walking to Greg's and they put fucking wannabe man as Spice Girls on. It's what you heard. It's what you hear it here comes the money Shane McMahon

it was let me clear my throat wasn't it I was just doing a coronavirus joke it wasn't my real intro if you went on tour and you were playing

Preston Arena what's it called in Preston it's called the Preston Arena is it yeah really yeah 28,000 people right next to the KFC in the bus station what you Preston it's called the Preston Arena is it yeah really yeah 28,000 people right next to the KFC

and the bus station what you on about it's no arena there isn't an arena in Preston it's fucking Preston what's the big thing there then it's closed down the theatre

the charter theatre what's the biggest venue in Preston the Guildhall it was I think it's closed down you're making me feel sad about Preston can I do my hometown gig somewhere else yeah right great what are you doing I don't know the guild all it was i think it's closed down you're making me feel sad about preston can i do my hometown gig somewhere else yeah right great what are you doing i don't know manchester

yeah i'll do the men i'll do the wiggin arena go on you're doing the men yeah yeah yeah yeah 12 000 people can't wait right yeah dan nightingale yeah work in progress right right getting warmed up for your big tour i always love doing 12 000 arena shows for work in progress right right getting warmed up for your big tour i always love doing 12 000 arena shows for work in progress yeah here's another joke i've just thought of let me know what you think of this but what's your warhunt song gonna be you gotta it's gotta be big it's gotta go big you know what i mean you gotta go big for a room like that oh yeah yeah yeah step to unsung the theme tune what's that i wish just once you take this seriously yeah sorry i'll take it seriously while i waft away the smell of your bum um something hip-hoppy but you know something cool hip i'd like run the jewels at the moment of like something cool i don't know like some of their stuff or or Logic maybe

I don't know like you can't yeah something hip hoppy but not can't go DMX because it's a bit like 2002 innit what was going to be

my other one if I didn't because mine's Place Your Hands by Reef that's what I always come on to just have it now and I'm sort of sick of it

what was the other one going to be I don't know $9 billion what is it? Oh, fucking Fat Man's Scoop. Fat Man's Scoop.

It's a good intro song now. Yeah. Big drop, big drop. That one. Can you, do you, can you enjoy hip hop?

Because we've said this with comedy loads. Like, we watch comedy now and you sort of see the joins and you sort of see the bits and you try and predict where it's going.

Are you the same with hip hop, listening to-hop or is it so separate from what you do that you can i like i don't know if it's just because i'm out of age but i i listen to hip-hop more than anything else but i still listen to the same hip-hop i used to listen to when i was 17 18 19 so i'm still listening to dmx and method man and red man and mop and people from that generation and we sang more than... I couldn't sell you a Future song or a Logic song. I couldn't sell you any of them.

Yeah. But I still listen to it. I could sell you Jay-Z's old songs, but I couldn't sell you anything he's done in the last 10 years. Oh, it's tragic. Music could have stopped in 2008 and I'd have been all right.

I'm at that point where I know it's... Ever since 50 Cent's Get Rich or die trying album came out i don't think i've listened so much after it i think that was the pinnacle of where it ended for me you know what i mean that was the last great great hip-hop album for me it's weird obviously there has been boss stuff but it's just it just misses you like it's weird how sort of i've seen a tweet about this from laura lex not so long ago and i don't agree with what she said but it made it set me off on a train of thought she said something

like McFly are a much better band than the Beatles and it's just nostalgia that tells people otherwise that was what she said right

now I don't agree with that even a little bit but sounds like clickbait it's weird the way nostalgia plays that role in music

it is isn't it because like the 70s and 80s and and, like, you know, my dad's like, oh, this is fucking great, this shit. And some of it's dog shit. And there's some great music and tunes that come out now. But, like, you'll never see it that way. And, like, I'm just wondering, like, in 30 years,

are we going to be saying the same to the next generation? Yeah, of course. It's just noise, that. Yeah. That's what we're going to be saying. It's like mumble rap. Obviously, I stand it but people love it don't they so there must be that generation thing must happen mustn't it yeah you associate it with a part of your youth don't you i remember being 17 18 listening to the verve and i thought it was the coolest shit

ever and i associate now urban hymns when i hear lucky man or anything i go god yeah being 17 it was 18 was great i was invincible i was getting laid you're never going to have the same association when you're like 53 and you've just had a hip replacement oh i heard this song when i was in hospital convalescing after major surgery it's a bit like it's not universal as well isn't it with bands like mcfly and that because i can when I was a kid and McFly were out so not a kid but I used to weren't they like

a bit of a joke yeah and same even with Take That when I was younger 13, 14 when they were out everyone used to think

fuck it they're the worst band ever it's for little girls but then when you grow up people seem to have a lot more respect for them now don't you

the opposite way of what it usually goes I remember Alex Boardman said something to me about like Take That he said he had like this moment I used to spend a lot of time usually goes. I remember Alex Boardman said something to me about, like, take that.

He said he had, like, this moment. I used to spend a lot of time in the car with Alex because we used to play footy on a Monday morning and he would drive

from Manchester to play footy with us in Liverpool and he would pick me and Carl up sometimes on the way to footy because footy was like 20 minutes

from where we lived and neither of us drove and it was on his way from Manchester to the to the pitch he'd drive past that I was so I spent a lot of time when Carl didn't play it was just me and Alex in the car I'm talking about like comedy and stuff and he said in his head Tom Stade is the best comic in the UK working and he's including McIntyre. He's like, as far as I'm concerned, Tom Stade is a better comic than Michael McIntyre is, but for some reason,

I never understood why McIntyre was more successful. He said, and then on the same night, his missus went to see Take That, and he went to see his favourite band, who were a lot smaller, and he was in the O2 in Liverpool which holds like a thousand people and take that we're in like Old Trafford with like 30,000 people or whatever

and it was like that night he went oh it's the same, take that I'm massive but they're nowhere near as good as these but it's because they're so much more accessible and it's easier to get yeah yeah yeah and and when you get to a certain age it's almost like your hard drive's full in it like unless you're a proper if you're really into music that's how i feel some of these bands that these young like young lads are into now probably are technically or like talent wise as good as what i was into but i'm 40 and i drive

a volvo and my hard drive of like music i give a shit about is nearly full and they're at the point where like it's so important to them and like i just yeah i but i don't ever want to turn into one of those guys who's like what's this shit yeah i don't want to listen to this because i know stuff that's being listened to now is probably fucking great but i think everyone's got a bit of alex boardman in them going ah i like that and i love it and that's my sort of thing yeah yeah what would you go to dream dream gig i could get you a ticket no rona tomorrow night you can watch we've had this question a few times on the pod mob Mobb Deep. Really? Yeah. They're probably my favourite band. I've seen M.O.P.

M.O.P. I've seen Red for Man. I've seen Red Man. Mobb Deep, I don't know, my favourite. What's the famous M.O.P.? What's the one that got remixed?

Antioch. Oh, Antioch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I swear I went to see them. Someone got stabbed to death in the toilets. Went down to London to watch them. Right. Probably them Norfolk lads coming down. Yeah, I'm telling you. It was a very, very... Norwich is in the toilet went down to London to watch them probably them probably them Norfolk lads

coming down yeah I'm telling you it was a very Norwich is in the house it was a very dodgy atmosphere there what did they get stabbed to death

in the toilet for gang shit it was I wasn't involved in any of it you know what I mean we all got dragged out and everyone got searched

and all that someone had been stabbed in the toilet Adam I know someone's been stabbed but do you know what it was about I think it was toilet roll so it's got pretty nasty

isn't it but sometimes it does get a bit eggy in the toilet doesn't it yeah I remember one time I was having a wee and some fella was trying

to look at me dick and he fucking stabbed that cunt right yeah didn't have a knife though so just stab him with your dick do you hate that though when you're having a wee

i'm trying to have a look what's your dream just piss on them if they look at you i have thought have you never looked you probably end up getting stabbed there i have but like do you not hate that i'm gonna ask me i know i love it Adam I love it I'm like everybody I'm here especially when they've had the option to leave a gap of a urinal and they come right

fucking next to that like a fucking super nonsense and they're in the right next one and then they're having a little I'm like leave my

fucking were you there at this gig do you know something about this someone clocked your knob at a mob deep gig

right we we need to move on here. It's getting... It's getting really funny and interesting. What was the question? No, unsurprisingly, it's... Is this a DMX question? What?

Are we still on the DMX wheelchair question? Nah. That's gone, hasn't it? What are we talking about? We've ended up in a toilet... But we didn't really answer the question, did we? What would you rather do? I need closure.

He didn't need closure until you told him he needed closure. I'd look at your dick. I'd be that guy. I would be the... I'd kill the disabled people. That's what I'd do. Okay, good.

And that's the closure. I nearly said something really horrible there. That definitely would have been Say it and I'll cut it off Pussy If I know it's over the line Considering what we've said and done on this podcast In the past year then

Oh shit the time Right let's do a have a word And then bounce So this guy has got in touch he wants to be anonymous um right he said all right lids how are we want to know if it's me you need to have a word with or this bird that i've been banging so to set the scene i'm 24 and just out of a two and a half year relationship so i wanted to get back on the t bike, match with this 28 year old bird from Widness. And we've seen each other a few times

and then we slept together. I asked if she was the only one of her friends without kids as there had been no mention of children from her side and nothing on her social media, et cetera. And her response was, yeah, quite firm. She said, yes. fast forward to the day after the jiggery pokery and she messaged me telling me i need to know something she drops the bombshell that in fact she has a nine-year-old kid i'm immediately taken aback as this kid was

nowhere to be seen during the two occasions i was at hers no pictures no mention during the month or so we've been chatting and then obviously she's flat out lied am i being a cunt for using this as a get out clause or do i have a valid point to fuck her off on and that's from anonymous okay so first of all there are no 28 year old women in witness who don't have nine year old children so he needs to stop being so naive doesn't he yeah nine yearyear-olds that age you don't really need to worry about them anyway do you i wouldn't be bothered if it was nine that's a that's a really good point it's not like he's gonna have to wipe this kid that's what i mean

if it's one or two and she wants you to get involved with them that's when you need to bounce but nine-year-old goes with dad's carny yeah that's my view and if his dad's not around give him a fucking cheese string and tell him to fuck off for a bit so he can knob his mind give him a cheese string give him like a bus pass like a daily bus pass

let him fucking ride around town for a bit just let him watch whatever film he wants if he's nine because he'll watch whatever he wants then

yeah yeah the exorcist annual's just a little dude isn't it yeah you know if you've got a bit

of expendable income you can be like mate let's just cards on the table here's 30 pounds cash i want to bang your mom just buy him 40 boots all the time we'll be mates is that not prostitution or doesn't that make a nine you know the pimp prostitution

i wish also i'd not looked directly at him while i was imagining talking to a nine-year-old and talking about banging moms like here adam he's liquid, but wouldn't that make the kid a pimp if he's taking payments so his ma can get dicked? No, it's not. It's not payment for the sex. It's just payment to fuck off. And I doubt he's cutting it in either.

I think O'Shea's got a good point there, man. Bit old, innit, nine? You can get away with that. If you're 24, though, are you getting involved with the... I think what he's saying is basically...

He's done anyway, innit? Yeah, he wants out anyway yeah he wants out he wants out don't he yeah after a month you don't have to be like you don't have to take the moral haggle

you lied madam I would have married you I would have fathered your nine year old child 30 pounds everywhere how long did she hide her for a month ah

he does that's just getting out close though I'm gonna ask if you've got kids it's like you lied to me it's just a bit weird. Yeah.

Bam. Easy. He holds all the cards here doesn't he? I think what he should do. Here we go.

Buckle up. Buckle up. We've had the responses that we thought we'd get but now Adam's winding up. Swing

balla balla balla. I just you know I think he needs to respect her. You can hear it. You can hear it. His voice. Adam. I just you know I think he needs to respect her I think what he should definitely do is just stick around for another month

and lie to her about something do you know what I mean get her back get her back make it even don't just leave because like if he leaves now, he's lost.

He got lied to and he never got to lie back. So what he should do is shag one of her mates and outright deny her for a month and then leave her. Just so glad there was no more nine-year-olds involved in that one. And, you know. Kidnap the kid. Kidnap the kid. Use it as a ransom.

Like I want a meal. All your kids getting pushed in the kidnap the kid take the kid on holiday so that the kid doesn't even want to go back right just ghost her do you remember before you were like never go someone i think ghosting might be the better version of abducting the child and taking it out of the country. Ghosting's really nasty, it makes people have questions I'm already wrong. Kidnap, Stockholm Syndrome Yeah, yeah, child abduction is frowned upon as well. Ghosting, yeah, they're both bad

But if he takes that kid to like fucking West Abbey or something and finally gets that kid out to witness, the kid'll be made up One more and then I've got a bounce He's put what? Are we finished with that one? Yeah Why do you, if you've got Do you want to do more? I wanted to go into more he's put what are we finished with that one yeah right okay why do you

why have you got do you want to do more I wanted to go into more details about how the kidnap would work but now we can move on like really I'm sorry Adam can I apologise

for stunting your artistic flow yeah what's the next one okay oh now you want the next one you want to talk about you've ruined it right cool

could you have a word with my missus? I don't mind being a porn star. Actually, I'd love it for the other half. I object to it being filmed, though. So this guy's saying he loves shagging, but he just doesn't want it filmed, though. Not saying it wouldn't happen,

but don't want to see myself on social media somewhere down the line. Apparently, according to her, that makes me a bore, and it's causing an issue. Right, so... Can you have a word? Let's just, because that sounds a bit clunky. He hasn't written that very well.

I don't know what's wrong with our listeners. A lot of them can't write. I didn't edit this one. Sometimes I edit them down. Yeah. He did this... What he's saying is, I like shagging me missus, and I'm dead good in bed,

but I don't want her to film it in case we split up and she posts it online she's asked if they can film it yeah have you ever had a filmy

oh yes he has look at that face no have you not no why did you because I smiled you were like

what is he doing have you never had like a tape of you I don't a tape a gramophone have you doing? Have you never had a tape of you? I don't. A gramophone. Have you had any? I've got a box set, mate. You've got a box set?

Yeah, full of three DVDs. Ah, but he's got to use his own phone, hasn't he? It's obvious. I will do it. I'm using this phone, and you're not getting access to it. Right. But what's the point? Doesn't she want it for having a little flack when he's not around? That's how he's got to show it. Oh. So you say, you can do that. Watch it. He's going to me. Right. What's the point? Doesn't she want having a little flack when he's not around?

That's how he's got to show it. Don't touch it. Stand there like that. Don't touch it. Oh, you've wiped off the screen. Yeah, I think what he needs to do... Would you film? Could you see yourself filming it? Again?

Oh, have you? Yeah. Really? Yeah. I know you have yeah you told me you didn't film it i know you guys are close wasn't he was he he directed it i know i know content is king but lads i've filmed yeah yeah with someone else with someone else of course with someone else? With someone else? Of course, with someone else. He's on his own knob off. I'm not just fucking wanking in a minute. Has Carl directed one of your wanks? Pick up the pace, lad. Come on.

Girls like it. Right. Girls like having a little sort of, ooh, we did this, didn't we? Yeah. They're no longer on my phone because they're from past... Past...

Ventures. Relationships. Ventures. Ventures. We'll say relationships. We'll say ventures. O'Shea, is it just me? I feel like when you're a bit older,

you're like, I'm glad that I wasn't around for the era of the dick pic. It was great. You couldn't send a dick pic on a Nokia 3210. Did you ever take a Polaroid and just post it?

Did I take a Polaroid? And post it? Did I take a Polaroid? And post it? The saddest moment in your life, like, ka-ching! Oh, it's come out nice, that,

look at that. You better not be using a Polaroid, they bought you for that. Yeah, I'll do, you bought me a Polaroid for Christmas, I will take a dick,

I'll take a dick pic with it. I don't want you to. Did you never do that, though? Was dick pics just not a thing before? Yeah, no. It's still very strange. Dick pics, aren't they? Yeah.

In general. Moving on, moving on. I actually asked my mistress the other day, if I went away, would she want me to send her pictures of me dick? And she said very politely that she would not. In different places around the world. That'd be amazing.

Little Adam. Fuck, it's all popped up in town. I'm here. Fucking hell. Here he is, little Adam, in front of the Trevi Fountain. Fucking hell. The fucking Carbonara are all over with guns. They're getting arsed.

I call them Little Vinny, actually. I know they're not called the fucking Carbonara it was a joke before anyone fucking tweets at me yeah I asked her I was like because you know what I mean if I'm seeing a girl and she sends me a nude you like it don't you it's fucking good

I just don't think I think the attraction to me has to be from beyond the visual. Do you know what I mean? I don't think I've necessarily got the worst face in the world, but, you know, me stood in a mirror with me dick out. I just don't think anyone's, like, going to be super into that.

Do you like it when you're doing your set with your knob because then it's got your personality in no but like I know what he's saying though with Adam with a beautiful woman a picture in the mirror like

at the best angle showing your arse and all that that's good for us isn't it because we're like wow look at that that's all you need

if Adam's sending a dick pic it's got to come with like his credit rating a fucking screenshot of his bank account what girls do like you from my experience girls do like you

girl from my experience girls do like a video of a lad wanking like not not like not like unrequested ladies at have a word pod at gmail.com and any of our gay female listeners that adam ingratiated himself with early could you back up what adam's just saying because i i know this about my lesbian friends they love a dm of a wanking pic no no no no no hey this come on no you picked the wrong team here girl you're taking that out of context i'm not saying that's a way to say hello i'm not saying dropping the dms be like hey love get on this i'm not saying that at all what i saying is, girls who are getting either in a relationship or in that flirty stage,

like, a Snapchat of a little spaff, they're into that. But they have to ask for it or at least okay it in advance. Yeah. I, I don't know.

I couldn't think of anything less. Have you never sent one? No, and I couldn't think of anything less attractive than yours in the entire world. I've got quite a nice looking dick, you know, it's quite handsome. Honestly.

It's only got one vein. Yeah, and you should see it in front of the fucking Sphinx and the Pyramid. When little Adam's dick was in Egypt, he had a great time, you know, in camel land. Here's my dick riding a camel. He's doing a lot of justice there O'Shea hasn't talked for about

12 of the minutes of this because he's just like you fucking bellends is this what you do as a job it is but here's the thing right

go on I'm not lying and the women are many female listeners will back me up on this they would rather see a video of a man wanking than a picture of a still dick um there's just so many opportunities to do no context have a words with adam today he's been on absolute fire you have been a no context have

a word machine today can we do a poll then on twitter i'd like i really think you need to back this up because I don't think girls want to see us spanking it I know my wife does not I'm at the point in life where if my wife

sends me a picture and she's naked it's to fuck it it's like I found a rash that's where we're at I'm not even joking like does that look

is that a stretch mark have you never exchanged anything like this? I've never censored dick pic or a wank video, no. Yeah, me neither. They're all weird, you know. Never, no. Oh, Finn's got something to say.

Finlay! I've not taught the whole episode, but yeah, I'm with Adam on this one. Girls like it, don't they? In my experience, yeah. See? He's been with one girl for 10 years and maybe she's

just not into it you're from the dark ages and he's in your age range I'm 39 years old you're from the dark ages you're doing well to work on phone

never mind get your dick out it's it's attractive to them because they're like that's my dick I could be wanking that off I have a word pod

we'll be on Twitter later where Twitter can decide this it's what Adam's sending wank videos to Bernie Mac by the sounds of it

I thought you said Danny Mac I was like he's not gonna like that mate that's my dick yeah I'm just saying you know obviously

I'm in a relationship so I can't be sending them but if if any girls watching want one of those videos I've got a couple of friends who are single who

could provide them for any women out there who are going through a dry patch what if I don't think dry patch was the right

turn of phrase to use there vaginally oh god what if they're female £10 patrons you send a dick pic then won't you

no oh come on I'll have to ask if I'm allowed okay cool it'll have to be signed signed oh shay I'm sorry about the end

it's alright I've really enjoyed it I feel like we talked about rap battling to the point where we're like, God, it's been so long since we've extensively talked about penises. Where can we find you?

Where can we see your stuff? I think a lot of these people are going to want to see you do your thing. YouTube, we've just put O'Shea in, or Dick Limerick Academy, all stuff, videos, music videos, songs. We're on Bandcamp, Twitter, O'Shea FC. All the usual stuff.

Spotify, Amazon Music, all that stuff. And if you are looking, if you've never really watched any rap battles or listened to any of them and you're looking for sort of a gateway drug into it, I would tell you to watch O'Shea battle Tony D. You see pretty much everything that Don't Flop has to offer in one

battle. Yeah. And I love Tony D, and I think he's one of the best ever, and I still think you won that one. It's one of them, and it's probably the best to watch if you want to see the full spectrum of streets, jokes, bars, cleverness. Because on top, like, we will wrap up in a sec but like you're known for being more jokes

and he is known for being more bars but because you're facing each other as well you both do each other's thing in it as well and you both show

you've got that source of strength to your bow as well I'm not joking he absolutely it's not just like blowing smoke he fucking loves

rap battles I know that you've loved today because you've been looking forward to getting o'shea totally i really appreciate it man it's been fascinating we'd love to have you back go and check his stuff out uh go and check our patreon out patreon.com slash have a word pod we are going to start filming the the big quiz carl's big special quiz that's only going to be on patreon it has been a pleasure today i've really enjoyed

it adam any uh anything we need to add? No, I don't think so. My stand-up special is edging ever close to 100,000 views. If you don't mind, go and watch that. Adam Rowe Club Comic on YouTube. Merch is at haveawordpod.com. And as Dan said, we've got one of the best Patreon memberships in the game.

There's 2,500 people on there now, and we'd be nice to 3,000 sometime soon. So, you know, just go and sign up and tell your mate to as well. Bye, Felicia. In a bit.