Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #114 with Paddy Pimblett - Have A Word w/Adam & Dan

Episode Date: April 5, 2021

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I'm not doing it for Dan. I'm not doing it for Carl. I'm doing it for Finn. Every day. Who the fuck is that guy? Char, upset me, nasty bitch. Oh, Jesus. Don't chat to me!

I can see fumes coming off your pum-pum look like petrol station. Shut up! Disgusting! Coming to you from the soon-to-be world-famous Havawad Studios. Hidden away in the scenic hills of sunny Rancon, England. These are the funniest leads in the podcast game. Adam Rowe, Dan Nightingale and Sensei Carl with full HD video episodes on YouTube.

It has to be. Have a word. now dan you look like you've had a rough week you had that loaded in the chamber as well didn't you since last night freddie quinn guest co-host hi you're right how much would you have to be paid to wake up in the morning and be me like realistically do i have to pay for like me medicine out of this money no like so what amount of money would you and you can use this money for whatever so you can use the money for cosmetic surgery if you wanted to change yourself back to well not you but like a better version of you but how much would you have to be paid a million quid you wake up tomorrow bump me my career a million quid i've got your career as well it's not just look wise yeah i'm you

yeah i don't just look like this yeah everything that comes with it yeah doing pretty well on tiktok you live in bearskirt i live in ormskirt now have you moved yeah my flat got flooded again for the second time in two years which is um pretty fucking irritating um so yeah not a coincidence that is it no it's not two floods even though even though the building company uh that own the flat are trying to make me think that it is a coincidence oh second time in a year who could have possibly foreseen this when you live next to a fucking canal? Yeah, but that's sort of your fault as well, isn't it? How?

Because you bought a ground floor flat next to a canal. Yeah. That's only your fault. No, it's not my fault. It's nobody else's fault. No, no, no. No, no, no. This is the equivalent.

It's not like the canal is like even 300 yards away. It's not even a football pitch away, is it? Like, if you got drunk and fell out of your window, you'd be in the canal, wouldn't you? If you bought a house next to a zoo and a bear ate your kids. Okay. So what you're saying right now is the same as, well, it depends what she was wearing when she got a tie.

No, no, no, no, no. It's the same thing. No, no, it's not even close, is it? It is. No. I should be able to buy whatever flat I want and live there peacefully. Yeah, the water hasn't willfully pinned your house down

and flooded it. Your house wanted it. Okay, so it may be a bit of an overstretch, but I still stand by the fact that if you buy a house next to a canal, you would assume that the house is ready to tackle the canal. Right, well, yeah. Did you ask that, though? What?

Did you ask that when you... I'll tell you what, right? So when you buy a house, they make you get a flooding risk and a flooding report, and you can get an expensive one. Or... Or... Or the one you got. Or the one you got.

Which is the cheap one. Because the expensive one's like 800 quid. And I was like, no! So I got the cheap one, right? And they were like, you need to... So it was my mortgage company that rung me up, and they were like, you need to get a flooding report. And I was like, well, I don't need a flooding report.

I live next to a canal. And they went, no, no, no, no, no. You need an actual report from a surveyor. And I was like, how much is this going to cost? And they were like, several hundred pounds. I was like, fuck. Because there's nothing you can do. They won't give you the mortgage without it.

Two weeks later. Just bring that mic a bit this way. Two weeks later, I got a phone call through, sorry, I got a letter through the post, and it was an aerial fucking Google Maps screenshot of my address, and there was a red circle next to the canal, and that's literally all they'd done. That was it.

There's a canal there. Yeah, there's a canal there. I could have done that. That'll be £250, please. I can literally see it from my window you pricks um do you still own that flat yes i know you rent and you want an home scale have you bought a second property no i've not brought what you think i'm a tory fucking buying second properties you do give off slight tory vibes just really yeah i'm getting more right wing

not by older not by looking at you you don't look like you vote Tory but just when I'm around you I get the feeling really you want to oppress people do you know what it is is I'm getting more right wing

as I get older that's a natural thing though isn't it yeah like that's what people say you've become less idealistic yeah like when you're 20 it's like you know what

what about if the whole world just shared and then now i'm 32 i'm like you're not having my money you prick this is my this this belongs to me fuck off do you think you'd ever vote Tory? No. The closest I came was under Cameron because at least he was a proper politician. At least with David Cameron, you could look at him. Even if you never heard him talk, you could look at him and go, he looks like he's got his shit together. Yeah, yeah.

Big, shiny, red face, nice, combed over hair. But it's funny because that's more than you could say for all of the other politicians we've had since. He shagged pigs, didn't he? You what? He shagged pigs? He did shag a pig. I found the pig thing quite funny.

Yes, that was the thing that made me like him the most. Because he did it at uni. The most. He did it at uni for a bet, didn't he? That's what happens in politics is they go, well, the biggest thing about David Cameron is he shagged a pig and then people try and crucify him for that. But it's not possible to kick him out of office

because 12 years before or 22 years before he was prime minister, he put his dick in a dead pig's mouth. It's not possible to get kicked out for that. Why had he bummed its head off? No, no, no. Well, yeah, he didn't bum its head off. It was like a hog roast. And he put his dick in its mouth. Yeah, did he bum his head off? No, no, no. Well, yeah, he didn't bum his head off. He just, it was like a hog roast. And he put his dick in his head?

Yeah, and he put his dick in his mouth. Oh, that's sad, isn't it? Well, this is it. That's the kind of thing that I might do when I was drunk. Do you know what I mean? So I can't hold it against him. Yeah, I've seen hog roasts before and forth. I'd give that a, like,

before I even knew that that was a thing. You know what I mean? It's there, it's waiting for, you know what I mean it's there, it's waiting for it looks like a blow up doll doesn't it you see the way it straddles that apple in it's mouth should we explain why you're here hi, my name's Dan Nightingale and something horrible has happened

Fred just angle just angle your mic like Adam's so it's pointing up more so we can see your face oh shit, I'm down a little bit so Fred, just angle your mic like Adam's so it's pointing up more. So we can see your face. I want to see your beautiful face. Oh, shit. I'm down a little bit. So for everyone wondering what's going on,

Dan Nightingale is not here because Laura Nightingale, his wife, has decided to be really selfish and have a baby on record day. Early. An early baby on record day. Early. An early baby on record day. So, bit of a dick move,

Laura, innit? It's just, you know, she hasn't thought it through. Dan had to travel all the way to Nottingham last night.

It's disgusting. Not fair. He had to drive all the way there. He hasn't had any sleep. He hasn't had any sleep. He's had like two and a half hours

of care all night. She's been making so much noise. All I'm saying, Laura, is you can hold in a poo. Yeah. Just wait till fucking Friday. Just wait till Friday to have the baby. Do you know what I mean? Fred, he's had to get into his busy schedule of eating.

I've not had one wank today. You've not had one? No. Not even? Oh, you wanted to keep the Olympics. That's what makes me a better podcast host when i'm full of cum yeah well he's like hussein bolt isn't he what's that right they sound like fighters not like boxers don't have a wank before a big fight do they

sure what because they've got the gloves on i meant for weeks in advance i don don't mean literally during the ring war. Olympians don't have sex for like six months before the Olympics. Shut up. Because you're more likely to be competitive and want to fucking kill the cunt next year if you haven't believed your thoughts. If I was an Olympian

and I wasn't allowed to have sex for six months before, there would be a point where I'd be laying in bed at night thinking, how much do I want this gold medal? How much am I arsed about writing my name in history? I'd much rather have a wank. Mike Tyson said, though, he's still having sex, so I guess it was fight, just because he was that angry anyway.

Like, it made no difference. Probably helped if anything. Can you imagine what he'd have done to his competitors if he'd have actually kept himself full of the testosterone? So interesting, Mike Tyson, I think. What? Genuine question. So you're an Olympian. Imagine that, right? You're in the Olympics.

Discus. It's going to be discus, isn't it? It's going to be shot put or something like that. I'm not doing fucking pole vault with this frame, am I? Your trainer tells you you're going to win gold. He's like, look, we've monitored the competition all year. Now, hang about, hang about, just so I can get into this a little bit more.

Now, these events are usually dominated by Eastern European competitors. They do look. So it would make sense that my coach would be somebody who is a previous Eastern European winner. Absolutely. So can you help me get into this?

Absolutely. Absolutely. So can you help me get into this? Absolutely. Freddie. He's Ivan Drago. Freddie, right, you listen to me, okay? You want to win gold like Stankovic? You want to win gold, Stankovic? No. Dejan Stankovic, the former Inter Milan midfielder. Yes. Croatia. Yes, Dejan Stankovic The former Inter Milan midfielder

Yes Croatian Yes Dejan Stankovic Okay I train you You win Big prize

You go on big tour You give speeches One day you train Other fat fucks One day right Yes Someone come to you And go Freddy I hear you train with stankovic teach me his methods okay i teach you now you're going to win gold if you listen to me no hanky panky no

wanky panky six months if you if you if you come before the thing if you come before this no no you not win you're an expert yeah what you're an expert and you said this do you know what was great about that little monologue is how quickly his english deteriorated it was like you'd used up all your words and by the end you were like no ding no wingy ping ding no dingy wing ping wing yes um i would still wank but not tell you about it right and then all right so this is the day after the olympics now right so i'm like see you'll finish 19th you were pegged number one bookies made killing everyone bet on you everyone bet on you you don't even get on platform you stupid fat fuck fuck. Next four years, you listen to me. So now it's the next four years, right?

Right. And you're going to listen to me this time, aren't you? Or are you just going to wank again? Come on, you're getting on. I'd wank less. Right. So I'd aim for the podium. I wouldn't necessarily be top,

but I'd find a way to still get a medal. Like, I'd be happy with bronze and a wank once a week. Okay. So this is my question, basically. How often do you wank now? How often do I wank now? It depends if I've got something on or not. At the minute?

Like, during lockdown? Probably twice a day. Twice a day, right. So what if you were told, right so what if you were told right what if you were told by Dejan Stankovic

who scored some fucking worldies remember right so Fred you listen to me you stop wanking completely I guarantee you gold you cut down to

twice a week you silver you cut down to once once a day you get bronze i'm happy with bronze you'd go once a day yeah i wouldn't even have to think about it it wouldn't even be can i have 24 hours to discuss it with my wife and kids it would be yeah bronze i'm happy with bronze listen wife and kids, I've been told that I can win bronze, gold, if I don't wank. But I really like wanking.

So what are we going to do about this? Basically, if I win gold, you'll both have a much better life. And if I win bronze, your lives probably won't change. But I'm going for bronze. Do you think the difference between bronze and gold affects the difference of the lives of the children

of discus players 100% really yes because can you pull that up for me what is the prize difference no it's not

it's not necessarily the prize difference it's the um opportunities all the stuff that comes afterwards the opportunities and stuff alright okay

so let's just take running as an example. No, no, no. Let's just stop you there for a second. Okay. Okay, because I'm being very... Look at me. No, no, look at me, right?

I'm being very specific with discus here, right? Right. So not running. I understand that they can become track stars and stuff. Okay. Right? Discus. Yeah, but I...

I want you to name one gold medalist discus from any point in history. Filip Chapotovic. chapotovitz philip chapotovitz philip chapotovitz and his name's got a stroke in the middle of it as well 37 000 for a gold 22 for a silver and 15 for a bronze but 22 000 difference but they earn more money in terms of like their opportunities and shit what opportunities Do gold medalist discus players get... Kellogg's. No, it's not a Kellogg's box. Exactly, exactly.

So what they'll do is Kellogg's will have a thing, an advert, where there's a long jump guy who's like, oh, cereal's over there, and he'll jump over a fucking rock or something like that. They'll be like, oh, he really wants cereal in. And then it'll put someone someone going here's your bowl exactly literally

exactly that the shop putter will have some semi skimmed in his hand and he'll throw it across I think we've just written an advert

there we want money for that if he's used that that's it that's what every Olympic advert is every single one

yeah is throwing cereal around the Olympic stadium no but I mean like that's what they do like afterwards to sell the products and shit like that Every single one is throwing cereal around the Olympic Stadium. No, but I mean, that's what they do afterwards to sell the products and shit like that. Yeah. Well, give us the Japanese version then.

The Japan Olympics this year, what are they doing? Are they actually going to head with it? July it is, yeah. Really? Japanese Olympics. What are they doing to sell that advert? Yeah, so you said Kellogg's in the UK. It's the Tokyo Olympics, and the Japanese Olympics sounds like it's a very secluded olympics where it's just

japanese people competing it's the tokyo olympics yeah okay are the japanese notoriously good at anything in the olympics sumo is that in the olympics it's not and we know it's not it is this year though before no it is this year it's been put in it's been put in this year i wonder who pushed that. Yeah, they get a gimme, don't they? Like, here's a free gold medal, basically. It's a free gold medal. It's like when the Olympics was in London

and we just invented Team GB of football, didn't we? Oh, yeah, I remember that. Which has never existed before or since. It was basically us asking if Gareth Bale wanted to play. Because there's no Scottish players that we wanted. Oh, yeah, we're really going to fit John McGinn into our midfield. Shut the fuck up.

Nobody would. No, they're not. They're national sports like baseball and basketball, but they're not winning them, are they? They're not going to win them because that's America, isn't it? What did Japan win at the last Olympics? Yeah, basketball.

It's a very Americanised country, isn't it? Well, I thought, and this is probably me bringing some stereotypes into the game, but I thought that stereotypically Asian men were quite short. They are. Basketball is what they've gone for.

Yeah, but they're not playing against other tall men, are they? It's all relative, isn't it? They got 12 golds in 2016. But yeah, because it's a very Americanised... I want you to try and guess. Oh, the golds that Japan got in 2016. The golds that Japans in 2016. I want you to try and guess. Oh, the golds that Japan got in 2016. The golds that Japan got in 2016. So sumo isn't a sport?

No, not in the Olympics. Okay, so I reckon there'll be one gymnastic-y type thing. So what's that? Gymnastic-y type thing? Is that an event? Yes. Ah, no. We have the men's gymnastic-y men's gym what's that fucking game that they

play with ribbons do you know the one where they get two ribbons and they go they get ribbons genuinely artistic gymnastics is one of them fucking nailed it thank you very much four of them even so that's four of the 12 five five of the 12 is that stupid little fucking stick game yeah it's artistic so it's it's do you think you could do that you could do that at an olympic level do i think that i could do that as an olympic level um i think that they would suss out that i was an imposter because i'm me and not like a 12 year old girl yeah but if i could you wouldn't stand out yeah if i could somehow inhibit the body of a 12 year old girl yeah but if i could you wouldn't stand out yeah if i could somehow inhibit the body of a 12 year old girl i reckon i could make bronze in that event just

okay let's keep going with this and then i've got a question that come in about an hour before we started recording uh which sort of ties into what i'm going for here but yeah so keep going what else do you think they got gold what else would else would they get gold in? I reckon they're slight people, aren't they? They're thin. They are slight, yeah. Yeah, I would say swimming might be a bit. No, no, because swimming, you have to be big. Michael Phelps is fucking huge.

Yeah. Oh, sorry. Two swimming ones. One male, one female. Really? Gold. Gold, yeah. 400 individual medley and a 200 backstroke for the ladies.

Really? Individual medley See Michael Phelps Isn't competing in that one Do you know what I mean That's where they have to Break down 12 less women And he's not built for that

I reckon I definitely reckon A martial art Is going to be on there Yeah of course I reckon like Women's fucking judo Or something like that

Yes Women's judo is there Women's judo is there Yeah And men's judo too Women's judo one So there's only three left There's two more sports. Women's judo one, men's judo... So there's only three left?

There's two more sports left. Two more sports and one of them with two medals? One of them's got two. No, they've both got two. Two each? Yeah. There's four medals left? Yes.

Do you know what else I would go for? I would go for something like archery or something medieval like fencing or shooting no no nothing like that nope you think they'd be good at that wouldn't you

samurais and shit so one of them's close to the last one you got and one of them's totally not okay erm I feel like all

track and field events are out yeah they don't seem very quick I always think it's like for me it's like stuff that no one else can be asked being good at yeah do you know what i mean like swimming yeah you can have the fucking ribbon game the men got the silver in the 400

in the 100 meter relay really yeah and i'm guessing america or jamaica ignorant for me yeah you need to work on that so one of them which you've got is judo yeah sorry wrestling which is like judo yeah

and there's one more one more and it's can you give us a hint I tell you what if it was televised what channel would it be on red button

red button fire in the boot there oh fuck it uses an implement it uses an implement oh javelin no

pole vault no what is it it's a competitive sport is it in the olympics mad well I mean

it's a team sport listen lads I know we're in the Olympics But it's not a competition I meant team Everyone gets a medal You all get tin Well done

You'd have done it in PE You'd have done it in PE Pommel horse Yeah that's No I thought that was an event I used to love pommel horse On a Monday morning

At the base The fuck did you go to school? Pommel Horse? Yeah. Monday morning, three hours of Pommel Horse with the lads. Fucking get in. What the fuck are you on about, lad? Pommel Horse.

Yeah. Yeah, fucking horse. I do, yeah. Not a competitive team sport, is it? Oh, you said competitive team sport. I did, yeah. I didn't hear the word team. Rugby.

No, it's badminton. Come on. Badminton? Oh, yeah, they love little shuttlecocks, don't they, over there competitive team sport. I didn't hear the word team. Rugby. No, it's badminton. Come on. Badminton. Oh, yeah, they love little shuttlecocks, don't they, over there? They do. They love a shuttlecock. He's famously, he loves shuttlecocks.

Big fan of a shuttlecock. It's on the flag, isn't it? I feel like I've learnt more about Japan now. Yeah. Carl's lived in Japan. Oh, you have, haven't you? Yeah. Yeah.

You nearly went to the Olympics, didn't you? What team were you going to be in? Zimbabwe. You were going... I reckon... I don't know about what team were you going to be in Zimbabwe you were going I reckon I was trying to be like you were going to compete for Japan weren't you and you were like

no I was in the Zimbabwe and Olympic team just going to throw it out there I think you'd stand out isn't that good yes ability wise so we have this question

coming from Stephen Thompson this morning hi Steve and it says morning lads this is a question more towards Adam Ability wise. So we have this question coming from Stephen Thompson this morning. Hi, Steve. And it says, Morning, lads. This is a question more towards Adam and the Sensei. As I have a feeling I know their answer. It was touched upon on a shutdown daily a while back in the summer

when Dan was talking about how shitty he is at footy. He's not sure how you stand on footy, but obviously Finn is a big footy fan. He's a Liverpool fan. He's a goalkeeper as well. He's a good goalkeeper, isn't he? He wants to know basically

right do you think you'd be able to play in a Premier League football match if everyone else was on 50% speed

whilst you have control of the ball so you and you alone have double the time to think and move when you've got the ball at your feet

think of it as like bullet time in Max Payne or Michael in GTA move when you've got the ball at your feet think of it as like bullet time in max payne or michael in gta's special slow motion move the ball will be played to you you'll be able to have that extra bit of time to read the opponent's movements your teammates movements and pick the pass um but then as soon as you lose the ball the game's back to full speed again okay or as soon as you play the ball you're the it's you're the only one with the ball to everyone else in the world watching it's all being played at normal speed and you just look like every other player on the field uh and if you don't think you can do it in the premier league at what level do you think you'd be able to do like women's fourth do you know i mean fourth division of

women's yeah it's just like fucking carol and linda and fucking and fucking Barbara and just whoever they can find. Do you know what I mean? Once they've finished, they fucking whatever. Carl really made me laugh the other day because on our last Patreon record, if you're not already a Patreon, patreon.com slash have a word pod where all the good stuff is,

we were talking about whether we think we could sort of play for women's football teams. And I basically think I could play for the England team. Like, genuinely. Like, with a pre-season, I think I'd be fine. And then Karl was like, Dan said, why don't we try and see if there's Runcorn ladies football team? And Karl was like, like boy surely Runcorn ladies

is just every woman in football who wants to get every woman in Runcorn who wants to play football team and it must be

mustn't it everyone gets a game I reckon it's like you know those seven aside teams that don't always have enough mates I reckon it's like that

they text around and they go there's just some men playing. Ringers. What, sorry? There's just some fat men playing. So I would say, first of all, that there is no way in hell

that either of you two would play in the Premiership under those conditions. There's no way. You've seen me play football. What, sorry? You've seen me play football. Yeah, totally. And you're not over twice as good as a premier league footballer because that's what

you're getting you're getting a 50 advantage no no it's not just that though it's be like the difference between carl's ability of footy and a premier league footballer is fine margins in it it's the ability to think quickly and no it right decisions. No, it's not fine margins. It's enormous, cavernous margins. No, no, no. Huge. What he means is it's decision-making. No, no, no.

It's everything. It's every single thing. So it's technique, skill, fitness, literally everything. I think it's just fitness. A footballer is a thousand times better than you are. Absolutely not. I'm going to put this out there.

If with a pre-season, with a six-week pre-season training with the team under these conditions, I think I'd be an absolute shoo-in for Premier League player of the year. No way, no way. No way, not at all. They give me like party power to pay out

after they get to the end of week one. I'd get like three, four assists a game. No, do you know what as well? You get twice as much time. Is it possible, Adam, knowing you as I know you, that this is one of those things where you are perhaps overconfident in your own ability about? I doubt it.

No, even I believe this. Okay, no, right. Did you ever watch... Football. What was it fucking called? Street Striker or something like that? Yeah, Wayne Mooney. No, no, no no not that one

there was another one with uh arsenal and they were trying to find like street footballers and they basically they picked a load of lads from like you know shit areas of london and then the best one got to go and train with arsenal right and there was one guy who was literally miles better than everybody else he was was just fucking incredible, right? He went to train with Arsenal. Absolute dog shit. The most dog shit you've ever seen. So what they did is they drew a circle around him, right, on the pitch.

And they said, right, okay, Pascal Seagon, that's how long ago this is. It might have been Philippe Senderos. They look similar, don't they? He's going to blast balls at you you and you've got to control them and they can't go out the circle right and so they were twatting balls at him he couldn't control a single one he just couldn't do it right so he wasn't very good then that's not until they were playing against in the end in the end he ended up sort of hitting one at half the fucking power and it was like oh you know just about do it. They did the same thing with Cesc Fabregas.

They stuck him in the circle. Senderos was blasting balls at him, and he'd literally, he'd just move his body, like, slightly, and his hip would just control the ball dead. Honestly, when you watch the two things in between, it's insane. Have you ever played football with even, like, a semi-pro? Well, I've played with ex-Premier League footballers. I marked Tino Asprey out the game.

And how old was he and how much did he weigh? He had a very similar body shape to me. In fact, I think I was probably a bit fitter than him at the time. There's a picture of him on the wall there. And he was 50 plus, wasn't he? Yeah, but... He couldn't get out of my pocket do you know what I mean

like I had them he might still be there do you reckon do you reckon do you reckon that there might be other factors at play

such as his age and how arsed he could be well it was a charity game so you'd like to think that because it's for charity he'd be giving us, it was a charity game, so you'd like to think that Cosets for Charity

would be given as well. Have you done charity comedy gigs? Do you give 100%? No, you fucking don't. You turn up and you go, what's this shit for? Kids with brain tumours can't be fucking arsed. I think this would be easy if you were the goalkeeper. You what, sorry? i think this would be easy if you're the goalkeeper

you want sorry i think this would be easy if you yes that's a great shout because you because the ball moves the second and leave the foot would be half the speed and you'd have twice as long to move over that's a great shout the only problem is that every cross you'd be fucked because there'd be there'd be so many people going up for that ball and shit no but you only this only happens once you've controlled once you've got control of the ball the keeper doesn't have control of the ball oh i thought it was the second that it left the foot of the other player yeah if it was the second it left the foot of the other player to me and i've also got that time as well, then I would definitely be able to play a Premier League level.

Ballon d'Or? Yeah, genuinely. I think I'd be in with a shout. No, you wouldn't. I don't think. Like, yeah, I think it's all down to time. How many times, just quickly, how many times do you reckon you could run the full length of a football pitch

before you got out of breath? After a pre-season. Six weeks. Yeah. Yeah. What's the world record? But you wouldn't have to. That is so you.

That is so you. In your head, you're six weeks away from being Mo Farah. All you need is six weeks and you'd be the best in the world at anything in your mind. It's insane. Yeah. Just stand on the edge of the box and just literally every time best in the world at anything in your mind. It's insane.

Yeah. Just stand on the edge of the box and just, basically, every time you get the ball, just score. You don't have to run

down the pitch. No, but I think as well, I'd play attack and mid, wouldn't I? You want your best player in the middle of the park. What,

as a creative 10? Yeah. Linking play? Yeah. No, but I think you'd be so shit that you wouldn't be able to pass,

like, well enough and stuff like that my passing range is insane but i but i've seen you play football yeah and like i'd say you're a below average football player for your age i i would say that you need to watch me again but okay so so who do you think's better you or Khan do you remember that time we played five a side he won't answer that go on

and you were in goal yeah and we scored yeah and we scored again before you got back up on the pits no

we scored and you did your fat little dive No. You scored. And you did your fat little dive, which was like you were trying to stop, like, a casserole falling off the side of the kitchen. And then you were like, no. And then the game carried on. Someone scored again before you got back up. I think that this has been Changed in your mind

Are you saying Are you saying Right Because this isn't true Are you saying That you scored a goal Right And then

And then kick off And shoot Yeah And that there was a passage of play And that you scored again Before I had become upright And it did

Do you remember that Yeah I remember you saved a pen Against me that day Oh yeah I fucking did did that. Do you remember that? Yeah, I remember you saved a pen against me that day. Oh yeah, I fucking did, didn't I? Oh, you remember that thing? No, because Carl the shit house tried to take it quick as well and I went down to my left. Yeah, so I just made sure to score 25

after that just to do it then. You are sorry. What I'm just saying is true though. Seven aside, it's long fucking thingies. It could be a fucking post box and I'd score. It wouldn't be a post. You wouldn't be able to score past me in a post box. 100%, 1,000%.

You're lying. This podcast has just become, I could do this. No, you couldn't. No, you could, but I couldn't. Who do you think's better, you or Adam at footy? Who do I think's better at football, me or Adam? Adam. But he's got five, six years on me

and is in better shape. Nice honesty. I like it. But if I had six weeks pre-season, I'd just feel like I'd be the best in the world. We appreciate you coming in today. Short notice. Obviously, what happened last night was Dan

sent a voice out yesterday morning saying Laura started getting bad contractions, and she went into hospital, and then I asked you to come in, and then she went into labour. I mentioned that to you before, I said, Laura's gone into labour, and you said, I don't know whether that's a good or a bad thing. Like, I've got no idea about babies. At all. You know when they say, like, oh, it's eight pounds, three ounces.

Yeah. It's like... Yeah. Cool. Like, is that good? Is that bad? Babies are meant to be like nine pounds, aren't they? I was nine pounds.

Yeah. Is that how they're meant? That's the average, you know. Okay. Eight, nine's normal. When it's like below five, that's when they're like, they go in that oven thing for a couple of weeks.

Oven? It's baking here, isn't it? Like it's, like it's more like an air fryer, isn't it? Like it's baby bake-off. Yeah. It's not risen properly.

They're just baking the baby, aren't they? A bit longer. That's what an incubator is. It's a little baby oven, but it's just on really low so that they, they still grow.

Slow cooker. Yeah. Slow cook the baby. So you put everything on 200, me? I put everything on 200. For 20 minutes? Honestly, I don't even bother looking at instructions anymore. 200, 10 minutes is probably going to be about right.

And then if it's not, then you check it again. Do you get a lot of food poisoning? You know what, sorry. Funnily enough, I ate prawns yesterday in a tempura batter that I had made myself, gotten from Lidl. And within half an hour, I literally shat water. But you don't get sick, do you? No, because what happened is my body

found that there was a problem, dealt with it immediately, and before I could get sick, just watered it out of my body. Okay, so we haven't spoken about this on your previous two appearances on the podcast, have we? Okay. We haven't, have we?

We haven't, no. So you claim that you don't get sick call it a superpower if you want ever correct so okay so not not that i don't get sick ever my claim is that i have a much better immune system than the average person but that's not what it was originally no no no no people interpret this as you don't get sick ever or you've never been sick but what what it is is that i very very very very very very rarely get sick okay so but the reason i bring it up and the reason this is a topic of conversation in our friendship is that you and pa Smith had a bet a while back. And the bet was you don't get sick. In a year.

Yeah, in a year. Now, in that year, and the year that's followed as well, I think you've been sick a few times. Because, well, first of all, you fucked your back up, didn't you? I fucked my... But that's not a sickness, is it? It's an injury. Like, if you break your leg, you're not sick.

Your leg's sick. You're off work sick. No, but it's not, though, is it? You's an injury. Like, if you break your leg, you're not sick. Your leg's sick. You're off work sick. No, but it's not, though, is it? You're on the sick. It's a physical injury. So, okay, when I say I've got a very good immune system, it doesn't mean that if you don't twat me on the leg with a baseball bat, then I won't feel pain.

It doesn't mean that my leg won't shatter into a million pieces. Sounds like that's what you mean. No, it's not. What I mean is I don't catch illnesses. Didn't you get COVID? Did you get coronavirus? I did.

And there was absolutely no, like, absolutely zero side effects or anything like that. I was one of the asymptomatic people. But you told me you had, like, a smoker's cough. I literally only realised because I had a small rash on my hand. Oh. So no symptoms whatsoever just a smoker's cough and rash all over you so so so that thing that's literally

putting people in hospital like marathon runners and shit yeah i literally was like huh i appear to have a couple of small bumps on my hand can i tell you something and this is 100 truth okay i was really you know i suffer with health anxiety yes right And I, because you've literally called an ambulance for me before when I've been on a park attack. I did, yeah. That was so funny when the ambulance was like, you're just fat. So when corona first kicked off,

I was really worried about it because I'm fat, asthmatic, and I've got health anxiety. But when you survived it, I stopped worrying. um but when you survived it i stopped worrying you've done so much for my mental health this year because i was like that couldn't survive you're the benchmark of health on this podcast yeah what do you mean like me you're the benchmark if you've got something and beat it then yeah really yeah yeah if freddy can do it anyone can that's kind of the motto because you're a bit older than me a bit fatter than me and a bit less healthy

because you smoke more you drink more so if you're all right i feel like dropping me on me you're older and fatter than me well you know what i mean you're a bit fatter you're a bit older you drink more you've smoked in the past yeah i smoked for 10 years in the past and you still smoke a bit of dube i stopped smoking dube well well but you have you smoked a lot of it yeah but like if anything that counteracts the effects because cannabis is quite good in it not not as a smoked thing though is it yeah yeah the cbd is good the thc is not good and you would have them both yeah yeah so you're less healthy than me and you're from like 30 miles away so you're a good barometer for me so if you survive if you survive something i'm just like so i'm your metaphorical canary yeah down the mind yeah and as long as i'm chirping away yeah you know you're not in adj i'll be fine like if you ever get something really serious like the big c or something and you just beat it

i'll literally i reckon my health anxiety be cured you you and basically the canary for you in almost every way as well because career-wise you're doing a bit better than me as well so you can look at me and go well freddie's getting booked yeah if he said that're doing a bit better than me as well so you can look at me and go well Freddie's getting booked yeah if he said that word in a bit I thought about my ex-girlfriend

when I was doing my driving lessons yeah I thought if she can drive I can drive why because because she specifically

is shit at driving or because you think women are shit at driving oh no because I think she specifically wasn't at my intellectual level. Oh, I like that. Do you think you have to be clever to drive? Do you think the best drivers are the most intelligent people?

No, I don't think so at all because I had a friend growing up whose name was actually Big C. That was his nickname. Just because his name was Chris and we had two Chrises in the group and one was really big and one was very small and had two Chris's in the group and one was really big and one was very small and he was Big C and then the other one

was Little C so it had that was the origins that was his X-Men origin story he is the stupidest person I know

it's just X-Men ever isn't it Big C oh why are you called that Chris I'm the biggest Chris well's it we had to keep it simple for him um but yeah he's the stupidest person i know he was like bottom set kid do you

know what i mean he just not good uh and he is an excellent driver because for him it's enough challenge that he has to stay alert so I think the worst drivers are actually quite intelligent people they think they're above it and they think that driving is such a boring almost monotonous thing that they switch off I think that's me do you think Lewis Hamilton and all that would emboss him to a certain scale

no because and here's the key difference is a Formula 1 car is more difficult to drive than a voxel astra is it yes why have you never seen the fucking top gear episode have you never seen the top gear episode where richard hammond tried driving a fucking formula three and couldn't get it around the track no he literally couldn't get it around the track i'm spinning it didn't he yeah it's just they're dead hard to drive they're fucking well why are they hard to drive. They're fucking hard to drive. Why are they hard to drive? Right, okay, so picture a Formula One fucking steering wheel and all those fucking buttons.

They're not there for show, are they? It's not like a fucking bop-it. I don't even know what the buttons are for in my car. As long as the engine turns on. But, yeah, it's miles harder to drive a formula one car miles harder look see look at that look at that fucking thing there is no way make sure you slide that picture in here there is absolutely no way that they press all those buttons okay so i bet you lewis hamilton couldn't tell me what half of those do i bet you can tell you what every single one of

them does because it's his literal job if they don't press them why are they on the steering wheel because they're just there to make it look complicated so that people are more impressed by I bet he can tell you what every single one of them does because it's his literal job. If they don't press them, why are they on the steering wheel? Because they're just there to make it look complicated so that people are more impressed by them. Mode. That's on your microwave and you never press that. Yeah. You just turn it to a number and press go. You're telling me he's driving...

Oh, shit, there's a defrost button there as well. It has to be on to something. You're telling me he's driving around the track and he knows, oh, I've got to press that one up there. Look how close they are together. Driving at hundreds

of miles an hour you think I could easily slip and touch the wrong thing. He does not use them going around the track.

He uses all of them going around the track. He uses literally every single one. He'll use some more than others but there will be

a reason for every single one. Are you telling me Formula 1 where they spend hundreds of millions of pounds perfecting tiny tiny little changes in their cars,

are you telling me that half of those buttons are redundant and they just keep them on for fun? I'm telling you that I think Formula 1 driving is basically just like going go-karting on a stag do. I think there's very, very little difference in it. Look at you looking at this Formula 1 thing now and going, give me six weeks. Six weeks is all I need.

I wouldn't even need six weeks how long how long genuinely and i've seen you drive you're one of the worst drivers i know yeah that's the reason as much as i don't like him i actually think he's quite a good driver he can't take roundabouts he uses two lanes to take a roundabout he goes out far lane and then he comes in and then he goes out again. Yeah, you do. I've been in a car with you. Maybe I did that one time. Yeah, Colin McRae crashed.

Oh, yeah, true. I mean, he crashed a helicopter. Were you going to ask me how long it would take for me? Yes, genuinely, genuinely. So as of tomorrow, they say, listen, we need you as our new F1 driver. You're driving for Ferrari or some shit like that, right? They'll give you all the training.

They'll give you access to anything that you need. As of tomorrow, how long will it take you not to win a world championship, but how long will it take you to get to the level where you're as good as everyone? You're not the worst there six or seven weeks laps oh god I think we'll have

a little break there for the money cunts to tell us why we should buy their stuff. And then I've got a couple of questions prepared because it's my turn to do the prep. Because it's not your podcast. It's only Dan doing it. Money cunts.

Yeah. Do you like a cheeky little gamble on the old sporting world? Well, I do, but I'm sick of getting beat by the bookies. Now, I've been going to bettinggods.com since they started sponsoring this podcast. They're a great sponsor to have on board, and they are the best tipsters in the betting game, anything from tennis to ice hockey to footy, rugby, horse racing. If you want tips when it

comes to betting, head to bettinggods.com right now, and they've got all sorts to help you beat the bookies and get a few winners go get some winners don't be a loser you don't want to be losing your bets you want to be winning your bets betting gods.com they're gonna help you do that and we're back so what were you saying men don't deserve time off on the other baby no i say men's maternity is a fucking joke like women women it's like take years off just as long as you and your baby want to bond it's fine and with men it's like you've got 10 minutes you know you go to the hospital that's your baby do you want to say hello to it cool right fuck off back to work dickhead that's literally it i think i could have a baby and be back in the same afternoon i think

they make a big deal of it anyway um i've got a couple of questions uh for this bit before we bring our guest in uh today's guest pad Paddy the Baddie Pimbliss, who's just signed to the UFC. Scouse, MMA fighter. I'm really looking forward to it. One of our most requested guests as well. Is he? I thought he's a pussy.

No, I'm joking. I'm joking. Don't you fucking keep that in. Jesus Christ. We don't edit shit out, mate, unless we're advised to by lawyers. Have you ever been advised to by lawyers before? never been advised to by no i refuse to answer on the grounds i may incriminate myself uh do you remember do you remember when uh when you used

to run podcasts and they weren't like this with like loads of technical stuff it was you with a zoom yeah and me and you do podcasts and because i know that you don't like editing every once in a while i just slip in a racial slur yeah you had yeah, yeah. Knowing that you had to edit it out. I don't know why you're doing that. Did any of them ever get released? None of them did. None of them did because I'd be like, so anyway, Adam, it's great that you've taken me here, Jew, and you go, Fred, you can't say that.

You can't do that. Fred, I'll just leave them in. Well, this is it. I don't trust you guys not to just leave them in forever. Yeah, and one time we recorded an episode,'t we which just descended into us arguing over whether it was more viable to own a chicken or to buy eggs oh yeah i remember that yeah we we decided that a chicken was a tenner based on no knowledge yeah we we did this full sort of 20? Yeah. Right, so let's say a chicken is... No, I think we said it was 20 quid.

Yeah, it was a lot of fag packet maths, wasn't it? About how much an egg could be, how many chickens... Yeah. So it's this, trying to figure out genuinely which is more efficient. And then we realised that a chicken can't possibly be 20 quid because you can get one with peri-peri sauce on for 11 quid at Nando's. Yeah, making a nine quid loss every time someone comes in the shop. Right, I've got two questions.

Go for it. And they're both really good. So first one is from The Goat, Harry Robinson. Is that what he's called himself? No, no, we call him that because he sends in so much stuff. He does a lot of artwork for us and he's just a great, great fan. Hi, lads. I hope you're well.

Carl already knows this, but recently I've been having beef with a cult that I pissed off who claim I'm a fascist spy looking to bring them down and even put a smear video out about me. It's a long story. Somewhat related, but it got me thinking. As cults proper fascinate me, you've talked about starting

a have-a-word cult in the past, but if you had no money or no worldly ties and had to join a cult, what kind of cult would you join? For reference, you've got your mega-religious cults, your alien spacey cults, your big orgy sex cults, and cults that hate 20-year-old

journalism students from Skem, which is him. Well well it'd be a sex cult wouldn't it you'd join a sex cult yeah who's going for the religious right every religious cult looks shit like it's all like uh no phones because phones don't bring you closer to jesus it's all like living in a fucking like a wooden house in the middle of the forest do you join a sex cult just so you can be on your phone a hundred percent use crack on i've got a tweet to put out what a stupid you know no i don't want to blow job i'm doing a tick tock leave me alone

that will get you banned um yeah no right so cult wise every every religious cult is shit isn't it because you've got a it's all like there's one leader and it's like you're all wearing the same fucking clothes and shit like that and it's ceremonies and stuff like have you ever been to church yeah how boring was that so for one hour yeah so i used to go to church all the time as a kid because i went to a roman catholic primary and then secondary school so you go certainly in little school you go once a week don't you don't like a wednesday or whatever they take you for your class or your year's maths you sing bangers and you sing the tunes and it's so normal because you're a child. And then I didn't go for years. And then it was the time I went after that,

I think was my mum's funeral. And because it was my mum's funeral, it was so sort of like, that was at the forefront of my mind. It's my mum's. Your record. Yeah. She was on my mind that day.

So I was distracted. Now I don't mean this to sound as bad as it's going mum's you reckon yeah she was on my mind that day so i was distracted now i don't mean this to sound as bad as it's going to come out i wasn't as sort of focused on it when my granddad died i loved my granddad but it's not your mum is it so when i went to and also as well granddad is like you kind of expect granddad to die granddad's died yeah is it because they're all like 87 and it's like you just kind of expect that so when we and he'd been ill for a long time as well whereas my mom was more sudden so i went to that funeral with my family but my ex-girlfriend come with me as well and she was so anti-religion she was just like it's all just culty nonsense and because i hadn't been with sort of adult eyes before you i sort of saw

it how insane it is like you know when everyone around you is repeating words back to the priest peace be with you and with your spirit yeah like and you're sort of looking around like why and it's so sort of like it's like being in a film and seeing it happen and i just couldn't like it really like kicked me out and do you know what as well is they indoctrinate you like a cult would as well yeah like i've said this many times before that if if you weren't told anything about religion until you were 18 and then at 18 they sat you down and said listen adam uh there's a man in the sky that's been watching you this whole time and has been judging you you'd be like fuck off like i don't believe that if like if it was like you know like harry potter when hangry comes around

and says you're a wizard yeah i'm a what you're a wizard. Yeah. I'm a what? You're a Catholic, Harry. That's how they should, that's how they should, like, choose what religion you're in. They should have like a sort in that. Buddhism. Just,

just not Hindus. Just not Hindus. Oh, not Hindus, eh? You'd make a great Hindu have to be Catholic. I do a great sorting hat impression now. You do quite a good sorting hat impression.

Do you do any impressions just before we crack on with this question? Literally loads. Do you? Yeah, I can do... Well, what do you want? Celebrity impressions? Ideally, yeah.

Because if it's just one of your mates, we're not going to know whether it's any good. That's John, that is. You don't know, but he's great. Can we pick who you do? I can do Billy Connolly. Can you? Yeah, if you want me to do Billy Connolly.

Yeah, oh. Do you want me to give you something to say? I'll just make something up. Okay, I can do Billy Connolly as well, you see Do you want me to give you something to say or? I'll just make something up. Okay, I can do Billy Connolly as well, you see. Okay, well, how about you do it first? Oi!

Yo, go. That's quite good. Oi, Billy Connolly. You're a stand-up comedian. Sounded like an orgasm that you didn't want. Oi! How about you both

be Billy Connolly talking to each other? Okay. Hang about, let me get myself ready. There's too much pressure on me now. Yeah, because I've just nailed it. I know, yeah.

Oh, aye, you know, I was around Glasgow the other day and I was walking around Sydney Harbour, right? In Glasgow? When I was in Sydney Harbour in Glasgow,

it's a wee bit towards the West End, you know? And I was going around and I saw a guy and you'd never see anything like it before. He was, you know, and I was going around and I saw a guy, and you'd never see anything like it before, he was not wearing any pants, and I said, why are you not wearing any pants?

He said, I didn't fucking want to, you know. Sound like a Dalek. Thank you, mate. That was quite good, that. That was all right. Of course, it would sound like Jojo Sutherland. Okay, I can do, so I know all of the bit too. you know, in the TV show Extras with Sir Ian McKellen, where he talks about acting to Ricky Gervais.

Yeah, I don't want you to repeat that from a TV show. I don't just want you to do that. Oh, because I know the whole thing because I revised it when I was stoned. Really? That's very good. The whole goddamn thing. I can do it if you want. No, we don't.

No no no Freddie can you pick someone off the wall to do please? Oh okay Reggie Pryor Could you do him? Anybody There's Kobe behind you You've got Mother Teresa

Kevin Webster Sarah Silverman Anyone that wouldn't get me in trouble Who else can you do? Who else can you do? Liam Neeson Right okay So I can you do? Liam Neeson. Right, okay. So I want you to do Liam Neeson,

but I want to do it old school style. I'm going to give you a scenario that he's in. No, I don't like doing... I can only do set fucking things. No, no, no. Like I can only do if you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. That's all I can say.

No, why? That's not an impression then, is it? But what is it then? It's just repeating. Impersonation, yeah. Okay, well, I can say. No. Why? That's not an impression then, is it? But what is it then? It's just repeating. Impersonation. Yeah. Okay, well, I can't do any impressions, but I can do many impersonations.

Okay, do the Doza one then. Go on. If you'll let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you. But if you don't, I will find you. And I will kill you. Not too bad.

Why can't you do any... Can you not just give it a go? I can try. So I want Liam Neeson right okay and he hasn't got a pound for the trolley

I don't have a pound for the trolley there you go is that alright but he needs to do a big shop so he's begging wait so he's

he's begging a woman outside the Asda to lend him a pound because he needs to do a big shop because his mum is very, very ill and his dog's just died. Listen, my mum is very, very ill

and my dog has just died and I need a pound for the trolley. Please, I'm begging you. Yeah, it's not too bad. Not bad. I don't think it's good though. It clearly veers off, doesn't it? Yeah.

So, big orgy sex cult? What, sorry? You'd be in a sex cult. I don't think it's good though it clearly veers off doesn't it yeah so big orgy sex cult you're not sorry you'd be in a sex cult oh yes I'd be in a sex what was the other option

alien cult alien spacey cult or mega religious cult but with alien spacey cult you know that at some point you're taking a fucking cyanide pill aren't you why

because that's how they all end they all end with oh we have to transcend this Earth and then go. It's never that a spaceship lands and you get on it safely. See, here's what I'd do, right? And I'm actually up for doing this anyway,

is I would, because obviously I don't want to actually be in the cult and I don't actually believe it, I'd go for either the alien spacey cult or the mega religious cult, but I'd just infiltrate it. Would you not want to do the sex cult? No.

Why not? Because it's just... Actually, having said that, with the sex cult, you never look at a sex cult and go, she's fit. Exactly. It's always like 48-year-old Denise joined the sex cult after her husband left, And it's like... Is this on Come Dine With Me?

Come fuck with me? Is this a new... Oh, that'd be good. Is this a new programme, is it? I fucking love Come Dine With Me so much. Do you know what's better than Come Dine With Me? Have you ever watched Four In A Bed? Yes.

It's just the same thing, but, like, B&B, isn't it? No, but it's great because they go, you've underpaid by two pounds i'm really not happy with that but it's like it's two quid i'd give them all ones me you what joanie vote yeah you want to win don't you you're not there to make mates yeah just give everyone a walk to make friends i'm not i'm there to win i'm there to win the coveted advertise your business aren't you no i mean come down me if you give everyone a one then you've got to win that will be that will be such a funny episode though just watch it especially if you put no effort into your own

fucking thing just knowing that you were gonna win you were like starter pot noodle go fuck yourselves i'll give you all the one do that could couldn't do that, could you? Because to do that, you'd have to justify it by actively not enjoying it. You couldn't enjoy it all and be all two-faced, like, oh, this is delicious. And then get in the taxi and be like, nah, it was all shit, one. Because you'd just look stupid.

So you'd have to be like... But you'd like stewed two grand. It'd be great to troll them as well and name all of your dishes, I'm giving you all a one. So they read it and they're like, for starter, I'm giving you all a one so so they read it and they're like for starter i'm giving you all a one for main no seriously i voted you all the one on your dinner party so i

win for dessert i've got the two grand haha fuck you i don't understand this menu you'd win though it would be great i think i'd do quite good on come down with me um because i'd just get like a takeaway disguise it as your own cooking no everyone loves a chippy when they knock on the door oh i made that everyone everyone everyone loves a chippy though don't they yeah like if you came around to my house for tea and i was like you come around to mine for tea and you got there and i was like we're getting a chippy you'd be fucking delighted yeah I would be well it depended what the chippy was like

I think because I'm quite fussy well I only go to the best chippies do you know what I mean oh okay so yeah I just go to a really good chippy

but yeah I'd join an alien spacey cult why because I think I could infiltrate it and figure out what they all do

get to the top of it run the cult why what we Run the cult. Why? What? What do you run the cult for? Power. Do you know what?

Over. Over fucking mentals. Like, even, even in this scenario, you're like, right, okay,

I could infiltrate this cult within six weeks. It's like, even this, you could be a cult leader within a month and a half. What would you do if you were a cult leader full of people who clearly have mental health issues who were just like oh that's that oh that's that's lord adam of fucking planet zog or whatever what would you do what do you mean what would i do so you've got all these people who will dote on your every word

they'll do whatever you want what would you do? Get them to clean me house. Get them to clean me house. Oh, yeah. Planet Zog doesn't accept dirty spaceships. I'd get them all to chip in, get myself a really good car. I'd just control them all. Like, have them give me money.

It's not stealing, because they're voluntarily giving me it. What you're basically describing is the Sims. Yeah. They'd just give me, like, I'd just be like, It's not stealing Because they're voluntarily Giving me it What you're basically describing Is the Sims Yeah They just give me Like I'd just be like Look

I think Running the cults is Expensive This office and that You know That's basically Catholicism Isn't it Yeah

It's kind of all religions But most of them really It costs loads of money You know I need Yeah So I'd just I'd take their money You know they're all

Fucking stupid for believing in it do you know what it's not my fault they believe in it there is a mad point in every like church sermon where they literally pass around a collection plate

yeah and they literally pass it around and go give us some money for this thing well George Carlin he's all powerful he loves money

yeah he needs money he loves you he knows who you are he knows you in every movie he's watching you but he needs just just loves you he knows who you are he knows you in every movie he's watching you but he needs just just a little bit more money

he just needs a little bit more I know you gave some last time we just need a little bit more and then everything's gonna be okay what do you reckon it goes towards? like they don't mention do they? super injunctions yeah

super injunctions orgies the the bread. That bread's expensive. Wine. That wine's... Do you know, you might have talked about this before, but if you've been... Do you remember going to church,

and do you remember the old women that used to be like... I'd put it on my tongue. Oh, yeah, yeah, the ones who didn't take it. Dirty bitches. Did you take it, did you? What? Did you take it? No, I was like, give it me on my tongue oh yeah the ones who didn't take it dirty bitches did you take it did you what did you take it i was like give it me on my hand i'm not fucking letting a priest touch my tongue it's weird yeah do you know what i mean yeah i sucked his finger me did you i want them off yeah he's probably still wanking about that. See you behind the altar. Oh, fucking hell. How big's the altar? You'd see both of you. I'd be on the altar.

I could see you. What's the second question? It would be boss to... I'll get to that in a second. It would be boss to have sex in a church, wouldn't it? Not with a priest, but like... On the altar with your missus. That'd feel fucking powerful, that.

Do you reckon? Church scares me. I wouldn't want to have sex in a church. No. Just a bit cavernous and a bit cold. It stinks as well. Yeah? Chair joke.

Oh, fucking hell, man. Well done. Well done. Okay. well done well done okay uh this is a big one this so it's it's come from a guy called sam and he hasn't asked to remain anonymous but i could understand why he would uh but i'm gonna say his name anyway he didn't ask so i've got a chronic one for you i desperately need some help uh he called the people in this uh they've got names that aren't theirs essentially so the people in this are myself my best mate who's my borderline brother we do everything together we'll call him john his his girlfriend who is also my best mate we'll call her Lisa. And then we have John's mate from way back in school, we'll call him Atticus. And then we have Atticus's girlfriend,

we'll call her Rita. So hang about. Can we just go through those characters again? Yeah. So the first one is John, who is Sam's borderline brother best mate. Yeah. And John is going out with...

John and Lisa. And Lisa is also this dude's best mate. Yeah john is going out with john and lisa and lisa is also this dude's best mate yeah he's really he's really close to lisa as well so he's really close to both john and lisa yeah and then there's atticus who is his best friend from school or john's best friend from school john's friend from school john's friend from school atticus is a fake name me uh atticus yeah don't know where they come from. To Kill a Mockingbird. What's that? Is that a film? The book, To Kill a Mockingbird.

Atticus Finch. Eminem song, isn't it? Boo Radley. No? Nothing. Okay. Fuck me. Really, To Kill a Mockingbird.

Harper Lee. Incredibly famous. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. What do you think, very quickly, what do you think To Kill a Mockingbird is about? Harper Lee incredibly famous nothing absolutely nothing what do you think very quickly what do you think To Kill a Mockingbird

is about literally that war title war no okay so

do you really not know To Kill a Mockingbird I've heard of it I've heard the rumours I think that's what the court said it's a very

highbrow joke that thank you so Atticus who is John's mate from school but this original guy Sam was it has no

or didn't mention that they had a relationship with Atticus yeah he sort of extra contextualises that in a minute but so

the guy who's written in Sam John is his best mate borderline brother John's going out with Lisa and then there's Yeah, he sort of extra contextualises that in a minute. But so the guy who's written in, Sam, John is his best mate, borderline brother. John's going out with Lisa. And then there's another couple called Atticus and Rita. Okay, but Lisa's also his best mate. Yeah.

But Rita and Atticus, he doesn't really have. It looks that way, yeah. Okay, cool. So the other day, John, Lisa and Sam, who's written in, were chilling, doing our usual standard Friday night lockdown talk and shite session, when John dropped the absolute bombshell that Atticus has got another girl pregnant

behind Rita's back. Now you've got to bear in mind, everyone in this is only 20 to 22, and now from the outside, Atticus and Rita's relationship looks all sloppy and cringy and that, they're tagging each other in posts on Facebook all the time, and there's always plenty of Insta posts, etc.

So just to stop again, he's dropped this in front of Rita? No. Oh, right, he dropped it in front of Lisa and... And the guy he's written in. I see. Okay, I'm with you. So obviously now John, Lisa and me know that Atticus has got another girl pregnant

and basically we're wondering if telling Rita about this is worth it or if we should just let fate play out and have Rita find out naturally or by Atticus doing the right thing and telling her. Rita is a nice girl and has done a lot for John, especially when he was going through some tough times recently and has been friends with John since way back when. Now, I've got no loyalties to either Atticus or Rita, so telling Rita would only backfire on my friendship with John

because John's told me this in confidence. He doesn't want me to tell Rita. Me and Lisa think telling her would be the right thing to do, but we also know that Rita is quite mentally unstable and we don't want to be the reason she goes off the rails. So what the fuck should we do? Nothing. Nothing?

The end. Because they don't have a dog in the fight. Lisa and this dude who's in LD. Oh, by the way, I've skipped a bit there. The side girl who's pregnant, she's keeping the baby. Okay. So Rita is going to find out about it unless Atticus can pay it off. Oh, what's your baby called?

Atticus Junior. What an interesting name. How would she find out? It's on the news. Do you not think it's going to be? What do you mean, how would she find out? How would she find out that he's got another girl pregnant? Because at some point there's going to be a baby.

Where? In the fridge. Just don't introduce him. In his life. So your solution is they should say nothing and Attica should lead a double life where he stays with Rita and has a child on the weekend away from Rita.

Yes. Right. You're a silly person. Come on, bro. So this dude who's emailed in and lisa they don't have anything to do with this situation right so they taken out the situation it's up to the person who has to make a decision is john which is whether or not he because he's got loyalty to rita so it's whether or not he tells rita or whether or not he doesn't it's him that has to make the decision

it can't come from this guy that to make the decision it can't come from this guy that's emailed in and it can't come from Lisa and in fact well sorry the amount of times these names have been said well the reason I wrote

the names I came up with all these names because the guy who wrote in called them one, two, three and four so imagine how complicated

one, two, three and four what like a fucking riddle yeah it was so complicated so I just gave them stupid names one, two, 3 and 4 what like a fucking riddle yeah it was so complicated so I just gave him stupid names 1, 2, 3 and 4 so

here's the thing I think John has fucked up by sharing it like Atticus has fucked up more than anyone because he's got a girl pregnant and he's like

I understand that he's like I can't tell me missus this but he's got to because she's gonna find out it's on Atticus first if he doesn't tell her it's on John but if John got to because she's gonna find out it's on atticus first if he doesn't tell her it's on john but if john refuses to get involved the guy who wrote in yeah has got to do it no

he's got nothing to do with him he's got nothing to do with him he's got he's got nothing to do with him it's nothing to do with him and it's nothing to do with Lisa. It's nothing to do with her. But he's really good mates with Rita. Oh, original John. Oh, sorry, original guy that's messaged. Sam, the guy who's written in. Sam's really good mates. Their mate, yeah, thinks she's a good girl. He's got no, like, loyalty to her,

but... Well, there you go. He's got no loyalty to her. Yeah, but isn't Rita going to be like, did you know about this? Did you know he's got another girl pregnant? He was having a baby. So what I would say... Rhys, you seem to sound an awful lot like Kevin Webster for some reason. Hey, he's having a baby. Hey.

So what I would say... He's not calling it Sophie. He's not calling it Rosie. He's calling it Jack. What I would say is, like, you're giving Atticus the chance to do the right thing. That's how I would play it. So I didn't tell you, because I was giving Atticus the chance to do the right...

You really thought of Atticus? I don't know where that came from. You're giving him the chance to do the right thing. How long can that be acceptable, though? Does he just leave it yeah for an infinite amount of time no you have to no you have also there's part of me that is like this is such good drama i want to see it explode really i'd tell i'd tell her i'd tell rita in front of everyone would you yeah what including atticus yeah i'd go can we all just come in the living room

i assume they're all living together but they might not be all just come to the living room i've got some news and then i go listen rita atticus has got another girl pregnant behind your back and then i'd sit down oh or what about and john told me what what about if you get John to tell Rita that he's got a girl pregnant behind Lisa's back see what Rita advises and then use that advice in her situation because there's a way that that could spectacularly backfire because Rita could go to Lisa and go he's got a girl pregnant behind your back

because women are a team and Lisa goes what a coincidence that's how it's gonna backfire yeah that is true isn't it yeah reese is not gonna go well i'll keep stumped yeah like um he needs yeah just sit them all down because look this is going to be more annoying for the longer it goes on. Sit them all down. Cause murder. Let it happen. And then just get on with your life. Or get a banner flyby.

That's a great idea. Or, in Klopp we trust, have a day out with Rita where she keeps going past gender reveal parties that you've set up and just see if she's like, huh, what's all this about? And you go, I think they must be for Atticus and that other girl. Whoa!

Do you think that is how? I think they must be for Atticus and that other girl. Oh, I have let it slip. That's what these 17 gender reveal parties were for. Oopsie. That's why that balloon pissed pink confetti. That's what the cannon was for. That's what the cake was up to.

Almost as convoluted as that entire situation. Can I just say that gender reveal parties are fucking weird? Why? Because how are they a thing now? It's all about Instagram, isn't it? Yeah, people just want a way to show off their news. Yeah. It's just a flamboyant way of showing off news, isn't it?

I just think it's, yeah, I think it's tacky. So you wouldn't do one? Absolutely not, no. What would you do? Because you like footy ones, can't you? Kick the ball and it goes blue or? What would you do? Because you like footy ones, can't you?

Kick the ball and it goes blue or... I would buy an out-of-service plane. Yeah. And fly it into the ground, but it would be filled with either blue or pink paint. What, so you basically... I'd hire like a few acres of land. Yeah, suicidal pilot. And crash a plane, get someone who wants to die you know what that's when you know get out of here scream the sex as he dies

or the gender that's when you know that your podcast is making dollar when you can afford to recreate lost for gender reveal party yeah you just get a suicidal pilot someone who's going to die next week anyway yeah like someone who's been told you've got a suicidal pilot someone who's gonna die next week anyway yeah like someone who's been told you've got a week to live it's gotta be Arlard

I'll make sure your family are sound fly this plane into that fucking field in Warrington yeah mate do you know you've got a week to live

yeah do you wanna die now no oh yeah go on then fuck it wait a week when are you gonna die next Sunday

next Sunday well then next Sunday do you wanna do this for me? Okay. In the morning. Get a pilot license as well. Early morning, mate. 6am.

Come on. That's what I do. Air traffic control is fine with this as well. Get a pilot license. The police. We're just going to crash this plane. Why? Gendered view.

You don't need a pilot license to crash a plane. You only need it to fly. All's I need is six weeks. You could learn to fly a plane in six weeks. What I'll do is I'll join the air traffic control at the very bottom, and I'll infiltrate, and I'll work my way up, and I'll make alliances. And before you know it, I'm king of the skies.

You're fucking insane. You're an insane person. He's literally got some psychopathy about him definitely a hundred percent oh let's have a break and we'll bring paddy the baddie pimblison i'm really excited about this we've got some great questions to ask him it's going to be fun making a bit of difference the interviews he's done this week because i imagine he's bored of being asked, who do you want to fight first? Who do you think needs to fight? Is Adam here? I 100% rather fight you.

100%. Because I'd fucking batter him. We'll see. After the break. From the money, guys. Press that button. What's happening, guys? It's Adam here.

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baddie pimbler thanks for coming in lad more than welcome fella it's been quite a busy week for you don't it it has yeah this interview 3 500 i've done a few like they have a i enjoy doing them in person all that they've all been over like a laptop on zoom and skype and that so we made a policy quite early on with this was that was that we were never going to have a guest via zoom like we've had some like we've messaged some like big sort of name comedians and that's from like all over the world and gone do you want to come they've gone, yeah, what time do you want me on your laptop? And we're like, no, we want you to come in the studio, get on the train, we'll sort it out.

It's well better to have people in the room. I'm quite excited for this because I'm a casual MMA fan. Like I'm the worst type of fan for you. He doesn't like MMA at all, right? And you'll like him more than you like me because I got into it a couple of years ago when the mcgregor hype train was at its peak and i got into it because people did though because

he sold the sport yeah he did he really really did people got into it when it was mcgregor know what i mean so but do you do you lot hate people like me because we're just the casuals of the sport or do you sort of recognize that i'm still paying the pay-per-views when they're not exactly know what i mean i call people casuals who are trolls on Twitter, lad, who give you shit when you've got about seven followers, lad, and you're just like, oh, lad, turn it in. Probably about 15 in your mind. Yeah, we get quite a lot of them as well with people like...

This isn't funny. I'm funnier than you. That's something, actually... So I asked a lot of our Patreons earlier to send some questions in and we'll get to most of them in a bit. This is something we spoke about with Paul Smith last week. It's like, if Paul's in a bar now, or if I'm in a bar

and someone's seeing one of my videos or seeing some of this, scousers think they're funny. Do you know what I mean? So they'll look at you and try and be like, I'm the funny one. Or they'll say,

hey, lads, you that comedian? Are you asking if he goes to a bar and people just try and twat him in the face? Do you feel like people are sort of like, I could smash his head in? Maybe if I went to other cities, but in this city, everyone's just like, just get on, don't we?

Yeah, but do you not feel like there's a little bit of like, do you feel like there's any... I had a few little things in the past, like, not in major. Are you dead calm about it? Yeah. Because you just know you'd win. Yeah, I just think if anyone, like,

throws a punch at me, then I will, but I would never throw the first punch because then I'd be in the wrong. Would it risk your licence? No, we don't have a licence. So it's not like boxing? No. It's not James Bond.

Licence to batter people. Also, if you, Also, if you... Forgive me for being ignorant into you though, but years ago, if you were a boxer, your fists were classed as deadly weapons. We get commissioned, don't you? You lost your boxing license if you punched someone's head in, didn't you?

I've heard that, but with MMA, we don't have a licence. Like, boxers still have a licence. Yeah. But MMA fighters don't. It's not a commissioned sport. But, like, if you're getting

into a fight, right, then there's adrenaline pumped and you're kind of, like, nervous, but there's a... And that's because me and you don't get punched in the face

every day. Whereas you do. Yeah. So, it's just like, for for you it kicks off in a bar and it's like back at work do you know what i mean it's the equivalent of fucking lauren her phone ringing and it being customer services and she has to fucking deal with a car phone warehouse complaint that's what a fight is to you because you get punched a lot yeah the only thing about it in a bar

lad there's bottles and that coming your way so it's a little bit different you'd still be able to like you'd still be able to like if it hit you in the

face I imagine you'd still be able to take it more than a normal person would because I do get punched like a spar twice a week at least so I get

punched do you ever here's a question that I have right and I'm coming from this from a perspective of a question that I have, right, and I'm coming from this, from a perspective of a man that hates UFC. I don't have,

whatever it is that people like about it, I don't get it. But you do like boxing, don't you? I do like, well, not now. I don't like boxing now

because it's degenerated into like fucking just nonsense. No one will fight anyone. It's that, no one will fight anyone because there's like 23 belts do you know what i mean but also as well it's just celebrities fighting a youtuber versus some cunt who does cash in the attic that's what's good about mma though there's only one belt really

that means anything well this is why it's better but my problem with mma is i always feel and this is probably totally wrong or whatever i'm'm going to get loads of people going, actually, I think you're fine. But my problem is I feel like a good fight lasts about 30 seconds and a bad fight lasts 15 minutes because they're on the floor cuddling. No, that's not necessarily true though

because like the best, like, and as I said, I'm a casual fan, but the best fight I've ever seen was the second McGregor Diaz fight and it went to distance and it was an absolute war I watch it

and I don't know what's going on so I just see two men like dry-umping each other and I'm like I'm not about this do you want to shed a bit of light

on why that's the stupidest thing anyone's ever said a lot of people think it because they don't understand the groundwork if I knew what was going on it's like cricket I don't watch cricket

because I don't know what most of the fucking fielders are doing a lot of people are like that with sports if they don't understand it they don't watch it and he doesn't understand the jujitsu aspect and the wrestling aspect of it so yeah he just wants to see people stand up and have a that's literally it but but i look on the floor and not only do i not know what they're doing i don't know what they're trying to do so i don't even know that they're trying to do. So I don't even know that they're trying to get like an angle

to fucking knee someone in the head or something like that. I don't know what you do. You need to get sent a few specific fights to watch early. Okay.

Really just have it on the feet. That's what I, so you know Longley who's a friend of ours. Dave Longley, comedian. He sent me a few and I've watched it

where it's just been literal brawls and I've gone, yeah,'s just been literal brawls and i've gone yeah i kind of like that but isn't it far more entertaining like a stand-up fight in the ufc yeah where they stand and just swing dicks at each other is that not more entertaining to you than boxing uh because it's so much more entertaining for me because it's more exciting because anything can happen it's a it's as close a thing that a thing as a sport can get to a proper fight. Yeah, exactly.

That's what I say about it. It's a real fight. Like, if me and you had a fight, not like a... Imagine you started boxing. No. In your opinion, and we've mentioned this before, in your opinion,

if me and Adam were to have a fight, who would win? He's a scouser, lad. Oh, fuck off with this. No, not a chance. I went to the same school as him. you know what i mean oh yeah because you would he knows the streets i grew up on we used to fight over we used to fight over 40 every three days how many fights do you think you've had in your life like total like fights about five or six okay see just on a pure volume like i've never gone seeking fights i've had hundreds oh yeah fights find you yeah here we go i never look for trouble trouble finds

me i had a few fights in school and i had a lot at home over 40 but like there was i was made with three other people in my street all lads and it was always in two twos like because two of us would always be arguing with the other two because we'd be fighting like tag team basically

not like not like two on two fights but like so there's four of us and that's so there was me Bernard Lee and another lad called Adam

right so like one week we'd be having a game of footy and me and Adam would end up scrapping over something and then we'd split off into me and Bernard

being mates and Lee yeah I had a mate called Bernard. Bernard? Yeah, he's not a dog. Just imagine you fighting an Alsatian. What the fuck? He's not a dog.

Bernard! He's not a 57-year-old bricklayer from Plymouth. Who looks at a baby and goes, Bernard! That's the name that I'm going to call my little baby Bernard but yeah we were fighting all the time

we've spoken about this so many times fighting over his fucking turkey dippers but his name's not Freddy is it it's his stage name we won't say

what his real name is you forget about that I would do yeah he's chosen because no one else in comedy was called Freddy thank you

and Bernard was taken it's like now imagine calling your kid like Derek now I know there's so many names Because no one else in comedy was called Freddy. Thank you. Yes. And Bernard was taken. It's like now, though. Imagine calling your kid, like, Derek now. I know. There's so many names that have gone. Have you been the baddie since day one? Has that always been your name?

Yeah. Yeah. I didn't even pick it, lad. Oh, really? That's a good nickname, that. Paddy the baddie. Don't pick your own name, lad. Sounds like a monster in a children's book.

Paddy the baddie. So who assigned it for you? Paul, my coach. Paddy the Paddy? Yeah, no, he was, what was I at the time? Two or three, I think it was two and I was about to have my third fight. And I know the announcer. Are you 16 and three now? No, this is amateur.

This is when I was amateur. Oh shit, okay. Yeah, so this is when I was 16, I was about to have my third fight. I had nine amateur. And the announcer come in the back and was like said to Joel

who was the lad fighting hard any nicknames and he was like nah it's my debut come over to me and was like

what's yours and I was like I'm just Paddy Pimlet lad and Paul went Paddy the Paddy yeah go ahead

do you know what that almost feels like if they make a film of your life that's going to be a moment where they go we need it Paddy the Baddy

do you know what I mean they just come up with it then what would yours be oh um Freddy Flapjack Quinn

no Dirty Fingers Dirty Fingers you wouldn't want to fight that would you no exactly Dirty Fingers Quinn you sound Fingers. You wouldn't want to fight that, would you? No. Exactly.

Dirty Fingers Quinn. You sound like a thief from the 20s. What would you be? I don't know. Adam the Iroh, probably. It'd be I based. The Iroh. Yeah, well, it'd be I based, wouldn't it? If I didn't pick it myself, that's what I'd do.

You don't pick your weakness as your name. No, you don't. No, but, like, it sounds... Maybe by that point... Stephen, legs hawking. Oscar, the bounce Pistorius. It's like... No, but maybe by that point,

I've got, like, a bionic eye or something. Do you know what I mean? A bionic eye? Yeah. You'd fight with a bionic eye or something do you know what I mean a bionic eye you'd fight with a bionic eye maybe that's how I end up in the UFC because obviously it's not a physical do you know what I mean

like Robocop but yeah maybe I've ended up there because my eye can see things quickly and I can be like here's the move you know what I mean

maybe that's how I end up there how much more quickly would you have to see things in order to twat in to be similar yeah it is the thing we told you before we started recording that we all went much more quickly would you have to see things in order to twat in? To be similar? Yeah. It is the thing. We told you before we started recording

that we all went to the same school. You're three years below me. And I knew in school that he could kick my head. He was known as a hard little cunt when I was in year nine and he was in year seven. Were you the hardest in your school?

No. Were you the hardest in your year? No. Were you the oldest in your year? No. No? The oldest in school doesn't really matter. We had big kids in our year, but we never really done that. Well, I can remember a kid a year above me, everyone was saying he was, but then we didn't really, when we were my age anyway,

didn't start having fights to see who the oldest in the year was. No, it wasn't like a yearly tournament. I want to make those older than me, Chris. and start having fights to see who the hardest in the year was. No, it wasn't like a yearly tournament. Well, one of my mates who was older than me, Chris, he was saying to me, lad, when we went into year seven,

lad, it was like, who's the hardest? Who's the hardest? And kids were fronting each other on the first day of school and that. To say who was the hardest.

Really? Well, we've spoke about this. He's about 32, though. We've spoken about this before. Do you know Tom Simpson? Yeah. So Tom was in our year, and he ended up boxing for the Navy, I think,

or the Army, but he was a boxer, wasn't he? There's another one in our year, isn't there? And his name? Tom's mate? Yeah, yeah. I know who you mean, yeah. Ginger Lad.

I had a fight with Tom. Tom Farrell. Tom Farrell, yeah. I had a fight with Tom Simpson in the first week of year seven because he was winding up a mate of ours

Danny McNally and I had this sort of chip on my shoulder attitude of like no one's picking on me sort of thing and I liked Danny

because we'd sort of got on straight away and I was like what are you scared of him for don't fucking run away from him and he was like

are you not scared of me and I went no and he was like right so you have a scrap after school and I was like sound and he hit me about 15 times before I even blinked and then I was like, are you not scared of me? And I went, no. And he was like, right, so you ever scrap after school? And I was like, sound.

And he hit me about 15 times before I even blinked. And then I was like, yeah, sound. See you later. Do you know what? You were to him. You know when like a new boxer comes up and they just give him shit easy opponents at the beginning just to build his fucking confidence up. That's what you were the school version of that. But he was always sound to me after that because I didn't shit myself.

Do you know what I mean? Because I was sort of like. Yeah, let's just have it. Let's just do it. Oh, there was a know what i mean because i was sort of like yeah let's just have it let's just do it oh there was a burgeoning respect so it was sort of like he's not a shit house i yeah i remember he's just harder than me i remember at my school someone's gotta win at my school there was a guy called uh there was a guy called dan and he fucking stunk um that's got nothing to do with the story i just want to say that i remember how bad you smell. He fucking stung. He smelled like death.

So he had a fight with this kid called Nick, right? And this kid called Nick was much bigger, but he was a bit like dopey and quiet. And this Dan guy was more cocky. And this Dan guy punched him. And this Nick lad proper pulled a fucking Lenny from Mice of Men and just let himself get punched in the face, grabbed his fucking wrist with his hand like that

and just went boom and knocked his two front teeth out. It's a really famous scene in Mice of Men, isn't it? I love that scene. You know, like the fucking curly fucking Lenny fighting and just grabbing a fucking hand thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know if he crushes it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So that was literally kind of what happened. But I remember that Dan guy started crying, naturally as you would if you were like fucking 14 and someone elbowed both your front teeth out. But he didn't want to be seen to be crying. So he picked up a bottle of water and doused it on his head. And so he was like, it's not tears, it's the water. And I just thought, how great, how quick of a thought is that

in that moment just to fucking regain a bit of dignity oh don't tell me that yeah if you lose a fight you've just lost haven't you do you mean yeah there's not doesn't go on your professional record does it not mine not yet no no no not ready to break my amateur status i might get an olympic call so but was i right before you professionally 16 and free yeah yeah yeah can. Can I ask you, like, just on the subject of sort of losing and stuff, how hard is it when you've trained for months? It's even worse when it's in the echo, lad.

And you've just done 25-minute fights. What, when you've lost in the echo arena, you mean? Yeah, yeah. Was it hard? Yeah, especially when I was younger. Yeah. The second, well, the second, they were both bad, yeah. Was it hard? Yeah, especially when I was younger. Yeah. The second, well, the second,

I was active with both pads, yeah. The first one, I was only 22 and I thought I'd won the fight. So when his hand

got raised, I was like, oh, what's going on here? And I just walked right out the cage. Didn't even congratulate him or nothing. He's just looking

round for it, aren't you yeah and then you're already in Salt Dog Slims ordering a double JD in the back spewing up or something

and then when I fought a few years ago against Bach when I shouldn't have because my hand was still bad and I nearly finished him with the choke

but I couldn't because my hand wasn't strong enough and then obviously he beat me on a five-round decision. Again, that was just the first sighting because I probably shouldn't have focused on my hand, but it's one of them. Do you ever have that,

because I always think this with fighters sometimes, do you ever get that thing where you're in the ring and somebody fucking hits you, and you're like, I'm going to get the shit kicked out of me. Do you ever know, do you ever think, this guy's just better than me,

I'm going to get the fuck out of him? But you haven't you ever know? Do you ever think, this guy's just better than me. I'm going to get the fuck kicked out of me. But you haven't really had that, have you? You can't even think that. Really? You've kind of lost that, haven't you? I always think, you know, sometimes when they're fighting, like... You've lost already, if you think that.

You know when you see those people that are fighting Tyson or whatever, like boxing, and they get hit, and you see in their eyes, they go, oh, fuck. That's a different calibre, though, isn't it? He's a generational talent, isn't he?

He's just... There's nothing you can do but if you go into a fight where you've trained you're like I want to beat the shit out of this

kid you can't think that can you see I'd constantly I think that's one of the many reasons they have that in boxing because they have that many

mismatches you don't have that in MMA because both fighters think that they can win that's why I should probably

get into it shouldn't I I should probably have got into shouldn't I I should probably have got into it before this to be honest I mean you only found out you were

doing this last night that would have been a hell of a stay up a hell of a night stay up I'm on UFC 9

now watching them all I am yeah I think I every sort of MMA and obviously

mainly UFC like press conference you watch both fighters going into either fight look like they would stake their entire life on the fact they're going to win. They're going to win.

There's no doubt in anyone's mind. There's only a few where they've seen where you can tell and it's generally when people are fighting McGregor. Really? And they just go I'm going to get swatted here.

Cowboy. Cowboy was the worst. He'd done it against Till as well. That was sad that though, wasn't it? Yeah. when people are fighting McGregor. Really? And they just go, oh, I'm going to get swatted here. Cowboy. Cowboy was the worst. He'd done it against Till as well. That was sad, that though, wasn't it? Yeah. The Aldo fight as well. A few of his fights,

you know what I mean? He's done that to people, but a few other people have. Like Ngannou does it to people. McGregor, for a couple of years there though, had like a sort of air of invincibility, didn't he? Yeah, he did. And he really got in

people's heads and he beat them before like Aldo specifically yeah he beat them before he got in he beat them eight months before

the fight kicked off no wonder it took 12 seconds I do it at gigs all the time is that I look psych the audience out don't you

on the way in look at people in the eyes no I look at a gig and it's full of like 50 year old women and i'm like they're not gonna like this do you know what i mean and i just you go on stage you're like oh

god this is gonna be so shit and it is and so like i just wonder if everyone else has that mentality or whether or not i'm just a massive you need to did you just compare prize fighting with not being funny enough to entertain yes i did, I did. Yes, I did. Those are the same things in my head. So on the sort of subject of Aldo, obviously, although he lost to McGregor before that, that 10-year reign at the top, you know, undefeated and whatever, obviously one of the greatest featherweights ever, one of the questions we got asked by one of our listeners

is how do you think you would fare against some of the greatest featherweights of all time at their peak? by one of our listeners is how do you think you would fare against some of the greatest featherweights of all time at their peak so Jose Aldo Volkanovski Holloway

where? I reckon the toughest fight of them is Holloway yeah to be honest I reckon I'd be Volkanovski now never mind in a few years

but I reckon by the time I'm like in the rankings and that like that Holloway I'll have the belt I'm like in the rankings and that like that Holloway I'll have the belt back is that Holloway the dude that did

the Matrix thing yeah the Matrix thing I'm the best boxer where he just literally dodged about fucking a thousand punches whilst talking

talking talking a bit of shit I like that that takes some balls you weren't just watching sport there that's like an iconic moment

in any Anderson Silva tried to do that though well he'd done it a good few times but then he tried to do it one time against Chris Wadman and got knocked out

I'd love that I'd love to see a compilation of people trying to talk shit that's mad in fact he wasn't he was just he dropped him

in the face around once or twice and then like he'd done like something like that and like went like that but as he leaned back Wadman jumped in with a hook dropped him in the first round once or twice. And then he'd done something like that. And went like that. But as he leaned back, Warman jumped in with it.

Dropped him. Coincidentally enough, I watched that fight with Conor McGregor. Is it all like... Because I would love to learn a martial art. So would I. I'd love you to learn a martial art. But I always...

I don't know which one to pick so you should pick two you're too sure you don't understand the ground what i'm looking for really is just something that would let me twat people dead easy that's all i'm asked about yeah but that doesn't exist though but i don't want to learn like you know you get those martial arts and it's like listen right we'll teach you how to twat somebody, but first you have to know inner peace. And it's like, go fuck yourself. I think what you've done there is watched Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

and thought it was a documentary, didn't you? But equally, I look at like MMA and I'm like, that looks like a fucking workout, that. Of course it does. That looks like that's too heavy for me. So if Freddie was gonna do anything if i said to you right paddy look whatever the ufc you're paying yeah right i'll quadruple it and your job from now on is to get him ready

from look what you're working with right why did you that? There was no need to do that. I just want him to take every inch of you. Wax on. Yeah, right. What sport, what martial art would you get him ready for so he could compete at like an Olympic level?

Like how did you do two wrestling and... Out of any individual one or would you go, do you know what? Let's just go full MMA and get this lad to cage what he is first. I probably wouldn't take the four times. would you go do you know what let's just go full MMA and get this lad to cage warriors first

I probably wouldn't take the four times I reckon I'd be alright at judo why because I've got a wide back that is a pre-rec I was there for judo

it is big back wide backs you need to have potato sack carrying backs you know you and the judo team know what you need to have potato sack carrying backs. Does he play in the judo team? No, you need to have been doing judo since you was about four.

I'll make up for that. I'll make up for that. How good could you have been at four? You'd bang a four-year-old. Smash a four-year-old at jiu-jitsu. I honestly think there's four-year-olds out there who could judo your head in. Absolutely no chance.

Do you not reckon? No way. We've got an expert here. I'd literally... I reckon 15 year olds Yeah I'd fucking love to fight Four year olds

Imagine being able to fight A four year old I'd do every fucking Mortal Kombat move There was I'd literally pick him up By his skull And just crush him

That's not Judo Love it That's not Judo No it's not You are Street fight Yeah that's true Alright fair enough that's what i was getting onto before about uh why i prefer watching mma to boxing though is because it's the closest thing to a

fight if me and you did have a fight we wouldn't be like right it's just punching and not in the dick it's just a fight until the other one doesn't want to fight anymore isn't it oh yeah i'd want to be breaking out my round ass kicks definitely i would hey i'll pay you 50 pounds on top of your fee that you're getting for today yeah so what you do around those kick there now with not with not any not unstopping you not on me just kick the air go on fred just keep and i get 50 pounds on top of my original fee yeah i don't 70 quid no i don't know what a roundhouse kick looks like i think i know what one looks like but i'm not 100 he hasn't got enough space to throw one in yet is it thank you that's what i was going to say next paddy i don't have enough space in order to properly circumferize my body to get the full kick in me and f Freddie, we're going to set up a charity boxing match

last year between ourselves. We were going to do it through Hot Water Comedy Club. What happened there? Oh yeah, because of the pandemic. Have you got, here's a question, right? Let's say you're in a street fight. One sec. It wasn't because of the pandemic.

It was because Freddie declined to train. I just don't win. I just win. It'd be like fighting your little brother. You just, you win. He doesn't have to train then. It's't win. I just win. It'd be like fighting your little brother. You just, you win. He doesn't have to train then. It's easier for you. Thank you.

There we go. So you don't want to train? We'll do it. I'll just fight. Have a word, promotions. There we go. Okay. What's the weight difference?

What's the reach difference? What's the weight difference? I don't even know my reach. Don't you? That's mad. mad now you do your reach like that yeah yeah i'm measuring why are we doing it like like we're going to be able to measure just me and you just doing this like we know um weight difference what's your weight i as of this morning i'm 14 stone 0.2 pounds see what's that and I don't even know that anymore do you do kilos yeah I do kilos

I'm Mr Checker I am 18 stone 4 maybe and I think I'm about 117 118 kilos you are 88 nearly 89 kilos

just under 89 kilos you are hey yeah I'm only a few kilos than you at the minute really yeah I'm a fat bastard

yeah but you're taller than me as well and some of yours is muscle and mine is all I was knocking on the cheeks than you at the minute really yeah I'm a fat bastard but you're taller than me as well and some of yours is muscle and mine is all titties I've just knocked it on the cheeks lad after you've been

in a fight though do you just fill up on food I can't help myself lad yeah like the worst lie any MMA fighter can ever tell you this

I'm going to stay in shape after this fight obviously you have a week off to just rest up. I have to go on a few runs, like. Because, lad, I just eat pure dessert, lad. I eat major desserts.

Ice cream? Cheesecake? Cheesecake. Cookies. Lad, they've got cookie dough pies. That's like my breakfast. Lad, I've got one of them cookie dough pies. They fit them

fucking well you can get them from Lidl and Aldi they're fucking good no listen get them off one of these pages lad

oh like the Instagram things yeah yeah I got one or two different firms the cookie man and the milk box

they give me a brownie as well yeah and lad they're like that thick they're all chocker in the middle they're unbelievable

what's weight cutting like I always think it looks fucking horrendous it is it's rough I've cut like silly amounts in the past as well what like could have proper effect

on me health yeah do you not get warned against that by doctors or nothing erm not one years ago lad when I've listened to

interviews with MMA fighters when they talk about this, not one of them likes it. What's to do with it? No. It's just that they know if they don't,

that's going to be 20 pounds. For my last few fights, I have been like that. I've hardly cut any weight. You know what I mean? We fight the other day, I'd only done like three pounds in a bath

and I was eating carbs the week of the fight. The day before my fight, this like three pounds in a bath, and I was eating carbs the week of the fight. And the day before my fight this time, I had two ash bananas, two sausages, a bit of eggs, and a bit of bacon. In the hotel, and that's unheard of. It's a lot healthier, though, isn't it? Yeah, it is. It's a lot healthier, what I don't like. But I'm probably going to go down to featherweight if my body allows it

in the UFC, because as you say them lightweight are massive lad some of them are huge yeah and if they're cut and weight they're going to be even bigger than you when you finally get in there yeah

I had a question for you before did you what is your go to move in like a street fight what's your go to move erm

punch no because I've got a thing that i like try and get yours so this is what i've got you want sorry and i poke or to kick yes right so what i do is i try and poke you in the eye with the left and then punch with the right that's a ship john j Fucking. That is a piece of shit, that like, you are. That's horrible. See, fuck it. Even he didn't want to fight me. Old dirty fingers.

That's it. With me, you get, you get a black eye, you get red eyes. That's what you fucking get. Therefore goes the dirty fingers. Now,

like, no one said dirty fingers. I try and poke. That's why, but then that's not like, I'd go for your good eye as well that's what I'd fucking do isn't that like wouldn't you feel shit about yourself

no absolutely not so what I try and do is if I poke you in your eye like that then you're going to open up this and then I just punch you in the face I understand the tactic I'm not questioning the motives or its effectiveness. Yeah.

What I'm saying is, even if you won that fight, wouldn't you be like, I fucking poked a man in the eye. No, mate, I am a fucking honey badger. I'll bite your cock off. I'm not arsed. You won't.

I literally, if it meant me winning, I would bite a dick off. Absolutely. Win a what? A hundred percent. There's no fucking, like, if you're fighting somebody there's no like

it's different if what he's doing where he's fucking doing it properly Fred hang on I'd bite a dick off if it didn't happen

hang on I'd bite a dick off you're an abuser if that was legal right Paddy if that was legal no

if that was legal there's a million there's nothing wrong with it like but I'm not homosexual No no no Because you're not doing it for pleasure You're doing it to win Right

No So think about it There's a million people Still got another man's dick in your mouth It's the title fight I've got another man's dick in your mouth But you've got Backwards mount

Or whatever it's fucking called Where legs are here Are you trying to headbutt his dick Like this Hang on Hang on Right I tell you what You know you know what I've just what I've just offered you before 50 quid right? No no no no no I will give you £2000 if you can find any footage of a professional MMA bout where at any point anyone has got their opponent like this

with their hands on their legs ready to bite their dick right well so what I meant is like say like say like those the legs there yeah yeah right and then you're on top but your head so your legs are on it so it's like sort of like you're 69 in each other. Oh, yeah, it happens all the time, doesn't it? Yeah, 69's a sprawl, isn't it? Yeah, but do you often 69 during a... It's not often that position. You'd have to take his jeans off as well. You what? You'd have to take his jeans off.

Why is he fighting in jeans? Well, he's having a street fight in town after the booze and all, so he's not fighting in a fucking tank. Oh, yeah, that'd be a weird moment, wouldn't it? Get your jeans off. That'd be a weird moment where he's wriggling. He's got buttons. Why do you not wear a zip? What the fuck is this? I'd a weird moment where he's wriggling on a fucking button. He's got buttons. Why do you not wear zip?

What the fuck is this? I'd only do it, that's the tactic I'd only employ if it was zip jeans. But here's the thing. That's your fault. I'm not unbuttoning,

I'm not unbuttoning a man to bite his dick off. Even I've got lines. But there are sort of unwritten, unspoken rules of street fighting, isn't there? No, that's the point

of a street fight but there is though and I'll tell you why and I reckon everyone else here is going to agree with me if we had a fight right

and you didn't do something dirty like put your fucking AIDS finger in my eye right and you won then I'd be like sound I lost

but if you did something dirty like that or you bit me then I'd follow you in my car and jump out and beat you up with a bat because that's you've done you I'd follow you in my car and jump out and beat you up with a bat

because that's you've done you've broke the unwritten rules of street fighting but there is no unwritten rules nah there isn't

being a man isn't there well sorry do you know what I mean though yeah if you employ a dirty tactic then I'll fucking no one will come back and fucking do something else

but the thing is is you don't need to have dirty tactics because you've had training whereas I've not had that so I have to neither have I you're fighting me yeah I don't need to have dirty tactics because you've had training. Whereas I've not had that. Neither have I. You're fighting me. I'd understand if you punched

Stipe Miocic in the eye or poked him in the eye. I'd get that because you're not going to win otherwise. I'd let that go. I love the idea that I'm not going to win otherwise and then I poke him in the eye

and he goes, no more. No, not a chance, mate. If you've had this day, coffee might stop possibly but hang about a minute

isn't like the whole of fucking Krav Maga like literally all of these fucking dirty ass fucking like you'll know

better than I do but isn't Krav all about fucking eye gouges I don't know for whole about Krav Maga it's the lowest

shit right google Krav Maga now dick punching I bet that's a all of Krav Maga. It's a load of shit. Put, right, Google Krav Maga now. What is it? Dick punching. I bet that's a fucking thing.

Krav Maga dick punching. I bet Krav Maga's dick punching. It's with a K. I bet any money. Dick punching. Yep, dick

punching. Thank you for your time, Paddy. Yeah. Oh, look, punching somebody in the dick. The martial arts technique, Israeli special forces is basically going to fight to punch someone in the dick The martial arts technique

Israeli special forces Is basically glorified To punch someone in the dick Thank you Yeah but you're not An Israeli special force I identify As an Israeli

Special force Look See I don't know what We got here Yeah but You're saying that As if like there's people

In Wetherspoons Who are like right Let's have a scrap Craft Krav Maga rules, and that doesn't happen, does it? 50-year-old fucking real ale drinkers, Israeli police rules. People in Liverpool laugh at Krav Maga, Ali. So are there, like I thought up until right now when you mentioned it, that all martial arts were treated as the same, like,

oh, it's a martial art, you must therefore respect it. Are there some martial arts that's like, that's not a fucking thing? Yeah, that's not, I don't think that at all, Jim. Like, which ones are, like, the bullshit ones? Like, I feel like taekwondo would be bullshit. No, taekwondo, they make you be respectful, but it's good.

I've done a few little sessions of taekwondo. When you get, like, the ones that aren't money orientated and they want to teach, but it's good. I've done a few little sessions of Taiko on, though. When you get, like, the ones that aren't money-orientated and they want to teach you, it's good. I mean... Okay. Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. Don't get hooked in on that traditional Jiu-Jitsu. A load of shite.

Oh, what about Aikido, the one with the stick? A load of shite. It looks like bollocks. It does look... Basically, it's like a dance. I watched it in Japan. It's, it looks like bollocks. It does look, it's basically, it's like a dance. I watched it in Japan. It's basically just like a performance.

Yeah. They used to be in a Kido school near where I used to live and it was all 50 year old men with sticks. Like,

literally they dress in the full, like traditional. So you went just also near a blind school. Come to think of it, it was a garden centre. No, it's basically just a, it's just a centre it's just a performance though it's not like you know

it's not like what's that Brazilian one Capoeira Capoeira that's like that's just a dance just dancing innit yeah

fuck I love watching you like figure out that a lot of this is nothing to do with combat like you should watch a bit of MMA though Capoeira

is what that Michael Pereira does you know the big one who does backflips off the cage innit yeah yeah he's done Capoeira is what that Michael Pereira does you know the big one who does backflips off the cage isn't it yeah yeah

he's done Capoeira in the past that's why he does all stupid shit but it's just a dance

yeah does it help him no does it help his technique can he use it in an actual if you've ever

seen him fight no he's a fucking mad cat lad does all mad stupid shit lad that you just shouldn't

do lad gasses himself out like he done in a fight where he went in the UFC he fucking jumped

on the cage and done a backflip onto the fucking in the fight in the fight like Chris Jericho while his opponent was on the floor

that's so funny lad get him up he's fucking hilarious lad he's on the bend that's fucking would you ever

do something like that you've got your opponent on the floor and you're just there doing the rock bottom still up lad get her up I swear he's round the bend

go on tape it in Michael Pereira I will watch it if you can't figure out a way to put the video in video then we can just end it off

Michael Pereira there's a fucking hilarious question here oh I think I have seen this guy before does he do somersaults on people that one yeah

that's that one is this a highlight reel someone's made of him yeah style highlight oh my god it fucking is as well is he not respected then no he is

he's fucked but it's he's just a bit mad he's also just a bit fucking mad he's got a few decent wins. See, that's a good knockout. That was a heavy dick, man.

Yeah. Literally pushed his face inside of him. That's great. He got disqualified in one of his latest fights. What, for doing shit like that? He actually jumps on the cage, though, and does a backflip onto him. I love that and he gets a warning

because obviously his feet landed on him oh really he can't kick on the ground you can do anything else though if that was an elbow it'd be fine wouldn't it yeah as long as it's not

like that was it north to south yeah 6 to 12 that'd be my finishing move up on the cage straight down onto his dick that's it

that's the only elbow you can't do like like, 12 to 6. Aren't you wanting to change it, though? Aren't you thinking it's a bit of, like, an outdated law now? Yeah. Because it happens anyway. So that did it.

And it's sort of, like... I'd love to do pride rules, lad. It'd be sick. Pride rules? Yeah, we used to kick... Bum the loser? Kick and stomp. Yeah.

What, you can just do whatever you want? Yeah, have you never seen Pride? No. Watch Pride. Pride was alongside UFC early doors. Yeah, but then they went to fuck up in UFC, you just bought them. That's where all Rampage Jackson

and a few fighters like that come from. So Pride rules, you've knocked someone down, you could just volley them. Stomp, yeah. Really? Just boot their head. And when you're on the floor, you can knee. So like, no, the way Peter Yang got disqualified

the other week yeah yeah that's why Mighty Mouse tweeted saying that's a stalling tactic anyway you shouldn't be disqualified for that

because he's went to one and in one they still do them reels shit but you don't stomp you just kick I mean you can't stomp the fight's over

then as soon as you've knocked someone down if you can stomp though innit depends if you get past the legs and stuff like Wanderlei Silva used to do it in Pride he'd drop people and then he'd just like especially when they're in the corner Fy ffaith yw, wrth i chi ddod o hyd i rywun yn llwyddo, gallwch chi stompio. Mae'n dibynnu os ydych chi'n cael eich llawr yn ystod y cyfnod. Mae Sylvia yn gwneud hynny wrth ei gilydd, wrth ei droi pobl. Yn enwedig pan fyddai nhw'n ymlaen, byddai'n gwneud y stompio.

Ond nid yw'r person yn cael ei gael yn ôl, ydy? Mae rhai pobl wedi gwneud hynny. Ydy'n ei stompio ar ei chyfrif? Ie. Ac maen nhw'n cael ei gael yn ôl? Mae'n cael y pradriwl yn ôl. Yeah. And they get him back up.

I'll get pride reels up. I honestly can't imagine getting stomped in the head and even coming close to the thought of I'm going to risk this afternoon again. Have you ever seen what Fedor wins after then? Seen Fedor where Kevin Randleman, big black fella, suplexes a Russian right on the top of his head.

That's an old fighter that though isn't it yeah but lad Jesus have you not seen it no lad he gets slammed and gets spiked

onto his skull yeah and then 30 seconds a minute later he's reversed the position and finished him with a kimura

that's one of the naughtiest things you've ever seen these are like giant men these are heavyweights yeah well Fedor

weren't big Fedor was't big or worthy Fedor was a small heavyweight 230, 240 but Randleman was like 265 fuck me

so you get absolutely spiked on your head and he still won the fight suplexed on his skull it's one of the naughtiest things you'll ever see but like picked up

by a 265 pound juice head slammed on his fucking the top of his skull and wins 30 seconds a minute later ends up on top reverses him commodities that's a bit different though isn't it because you're on the floor and

you're not getting stomped on yeah i just can't imagine like any because how do you get up from being stomped on do you know what i mean i just think they haven't got shoes on yeah and it's on the canvas it's not on a concrete floor yeah so it's not i mean i can't imagine a way that i'm on the floor right let's say me and you scrap yeah you knock me down and you start stomping on my head i don't know how i can stop that happening from the floor do you know what i mean standing over you though you can up kick yourself you can kick me in the face didn't think of that yeah you'd be doing that

wouldn't you yeah like an octopus how how long do you think it would take to train someone like let's say Carl

Carl's in a bit of better shape than me right just just but how long would you need with him so that he could win

a professional MMA fight against like a a journeyman it'd have to be amateur wouldn't it against a journeyman that'd be easier than an amateur fight

really yeah like I had the first I had my pro debut against it was like 4 and 33 or something at the time I've seen his record

the other day someone sent me my record I was just like what's his record really that bad after I beat him he ended up winning a few fights as well

but it's just still the same on my record but yeah my last few amateur fights were well harder than me throw debut is it because

the amateur ones they come in thinking I can win this whereas the journeymen they come in and go I'm just going to get the shit kicked out of me an amateur I ended up winning a belt or two and was just like defending that belt and was in thinking i can win this whereas the journeymen they come in and go something to fight for

an amateur i ended up winning a belt or two and was just like defending that belt and was i caused a big ruckus on the cage warriors forum i got posted on the amateur forum the best amateur bands i'm waiting the country does anyone dispute this when i was about 16 people started putting all names in and i just started beating all the people that they said you know what I mean so I ended up going pro at 17 because there was no one else left on the list to beat

but like I had all tough fights as an amateur so then when I ended up fighting for my first few pro fights the first three were proper easy

just walking through them yeah three first round finishes two TKO's in the flying triangle do you know when you finish someone in Three first round finishes. Two TKO's on the flying triangle. Do you know when you've finished someone in the first round?

How long do you reckon you can fight again after that if you've not been hurt? Do you reckon you can just go again the next week? Yeah, well, now that I'm signed, I don't want to do that. Yeah, just keep going. Yeah, I'm not going to come straight home and eat loads of cheesecake and cookies.

You know what I mean? I'm just going to... Stay out in the States. Probably stay there, especially if I win the first round. I'll just walk just gonna stay out in the states yeah probably stay there especially if I win the first round I'll just walk out the cage and say to Dana

or whoever's there what's happening I'll have any fights next few weeks I'll stay here when do you reckon your first fight will be do you know anything like that

I asked you that on the way in you're not sure I think you're gonna have to do three months and then you start the test and pull first oh shit yeah so I think I'm gonna have to do

that first before I fight keep getting tweeted saying get him on the 20th of July 10th of July card get him on the

10th of July card who's on the 10th Gregor Poirier that'd be heavy that way wouldn't it

you could though that's three months innit you could do that plausible it is that'd be fucking sick wouldn't it

where's that I i don't know might be in texas because there are a lot of fans texas and florida are the two guys in florida might be florida because that's where 48 trains in it that'd be sick that's gonna be on his terms but one of the other questions we got which uh i think i'll just answer instead of just giving it to you is there any advice paddy would give to a wannabe fighter who struggles to even get to the gym yeah you gotta get to the fucking gym basically paddy could i learn to be an mma fighter in my bedroom in my spare time definitely not like you need to go and get professional help to do that what did that person expect i know that know, that's why I

didn't even pass it over to him. Well, if you've got a medium sized dog, you can bicep curl it. Get to the fucking gym, you fat cunt. How do you know they're fat? Maybe they're just going through a really bad time in their life. And they're really skinny. If anything, they're malnutritioned. Not eating enough. They're fat. They're fat, aren't they? How often do you learn new

stuff with your trainers? Or are you just honing the stuff you already know yeah now well I still still learning stuff every day really to be honest

but it's just honing certain things that are not up to scratch at the time you know what I mean yeah

so because I know loads of fighters change their style don't they through the career they start wrestling then they change into yeah they do there's loads of

Jets fighters like that lad who start off as Jets guys and then where they do more striking I've done it for a bit lad where I do more striking

and develop into a striker I thought I was a striker and then until you come up against someone and you come unstuck you don't really do

nothing about it you've got nothing to change to you're sort of and maybe I'm speaking out of turn but you've finished a couple of people in a flying triangle haven't you yeah really do not on a bad day. Got nothing to change to. You're sort of, and maybe I'm speaking out of turn, but you've finished a couple

of people with a flying triangle, haven't you? Yeah. That's what I see a lot, every time I see tweets about you, and like with

the UFC announcement this week, so many people have been resharing the flying triangle thing. Yeah, they have like. It seems like that's

what you've become known for. It is, it is, lads. Like, I'm 16, I've won 16 fights, I think I've got 12, yeah. I've won 16 fights. I think I've got 12 finishes. And three of them are flying triangles.

Can I interject to ask what a flying triangle is? You know the triangle? He puts it around their head and uses it to throw them around the ring it's a very good move very good now it's a

you're wrapping your legs around their head isn't it yeah with an arm in with an arm in yeah you'd have to have an arm in

that's where they are they are coming across your leg cuts the blood off on one side and your arm their own arm cuts it off

on the other side. Oh, that's fucking brutal. Yeah. Choked to death half by yourself. That's fucking... It's not by yourself. Like, it's... You mean forcing.

How do you set it up then? So they've got to be on the floor. No, no idea from standing. What? That's why it's called a flying train. The fuck? It's quite fucking... That doesn't make any...

Right. Think about it. Talk me through it. I literally don't understand what's going on. Get it up. We'll keep talking while you get it up. I don't understand what's going on. I don't understand how that can possibly be a thing.

It's quite incredible to watch, really. I probably should have Googled this, shouldn't I? Let's have a look. Yeah, that's the latest one. Fuck! There you go. Holy fucking shit. See, they're not in an LRA fight.

People don't really tap to chokes that much, so, you know, I always take the arm. How the fuck did you even do that? How did you get your leg that high up? So, that's a mixture, isn't it, of an armbar? Then if you're pulling the arm out as well, or? Yeah, no, it's a triangle. But we've already got the arm across,

the arm's ready to go to the armbar, so it ends up getting put called a flying triangle armbar. Mad. Because it's both in one. It looks like a dirt, like, what would more dirt than me? Like, the one I'd done a few years before that, when I first fought

in the Echo Arena that one he keeps me against the cage for a sec you know what I mean that one's a bit different I jump it and get the grip on that

but he keeps me against the cage so I start elbowing him in the head and then he slams me down and just puts himself in it you know what I mean and I do the same to him I get the position

and I'm squeezing squeezing and then I just because his arms are all the way across you just lift your hips up by them and it goes on

fucking hell I mean that was pretty fucking cool to watch to be fair I'm not a UFC fan but that was pretty cool are there any moves

that you hate being done to you you're like oh he's doing the fucking reverse dragon or whatever is that the first thing you thought the reverse dragon is different it's different than the normal dragon he thought of an adjective and then you went literally chinese dragon that's what you did isn't it literally yeah i thought of a position plus the word dragon because chinese they're good at martial arts. That's what I did.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But is there like a move that someone else does and you're like, I can't be arsed for this. This is fucking shit. That's the only thing I can think of off the top of my head. The worst thing you can come up against is someone with a good simple thing,

like a good jab or a good leg kick. Why? Because they're the most effective things yeah coming into it so much all them what i do that's they're just like specific to me not that many people do them but i do them in the gym i do that in the gym on a day-to-day basis when i'm grappling with people that's just a move that is one of my moves What happens when that doesn't work? Do you just, like, fall on your arse? No, because if you watch it, I've got an overhook. Oh, okay.

And I'm controlling his wrist on that side. So that's the arm that stays in, and that one just comes up. Because I'm very flexible. I can do a lot of weird moves that other people can't do. To my untrained eyes, it literally just looked like you jumped up onto his face and destroyed him. Yeah. Like, I didn't realise

that you already had control of him. Yeah. Jumping on top of his fucking neck and crushing him. That's what you sort of not see when you're watching, like, the wrestling and stuff, though, isn't it? Is when you're seeing two people

and he's got hold of someone's arms, like that. Yeah. You don't know that he's... One of the things he's doing is stopping those arms moving. Well, that's it Yeah. You don't know that he's... One of the things he's doing is stopping those arms moving. Well, that's it, but I don't know. So this is the point that I've always had with UFC

is that I don't know what they're trying to do. Yeah, yeah. So I can't get on board with it because I'm like, I don't understand what is a good position for you to be in or what they're trying to stop you from doing. A lot of people are like that with MMA because it is what's one of them.

You've got to understand it. That's why a lot of people I know, with mma because it is with one of them you've got to understand it that's why a lot of people i know like my mates my mates don't a few of my mates actually watch mma and i'm not into it but most of my mates aren't and they'll just watch it when i'm on so yeah like yeah so when the fight to go onto the floor they're like oh until i'm on and then if i hit the floor they're still going bananas, but when it's other people, they don't know, they're not that arsed. Yeah.

They're like you, they just like to see people have it. Yeah. They're not big MMA fans, that. That's all I'm bothered about is just watching people just fucking haymakers.

That's what I prefer. Yeah. That's why it's good, though. But they're the type of people that get called casuals. You know what I mean? Not me. No, not you. Really? Am I not a casual then? Am know what I mean? Not me. No, not you.

Really? Am I not a casual then? Am I a proper fan? Well, it's saying that you didn't know pride so you are a casual. I just watch it when it's on BT, love.

If I have to pay for it, I pay for it. Yeah. I'm teaching, like, I, because I was kind of semi, I was like on Adam's level and I'm trying to teach myself

how to, because I enjoy it. I love you say you were on Adam's level as if you didn't decide to do to, because I enjoy it. I love you say you were on Adam's level as if you didn't decide to do this last week. No, it took about six months. I've been watching like pride stuff and old stuff and old fights

and like it's a hard sport to learn because you learn like... I know, that's what I mean. It's origins and stuff. People call it barbaric and all that shit, lad, but lads have got to learn. That's why boxers are so good at boxing because they only have to do

one sport yeah you know what I mean that's it they do one sport we have to do boxing Muay Thai Jiu Jitsu

Wrestling a bit of other stuff like Judo Karate Taekwondo you know what I mean there's all different sports what do you actually think

about like the crossovers you know McGregor fought Mayweather and now Askren's going to fight against that fucking Helmuth. Jake Paul. Yeah, like, what's your opinion on that?

Would you ever do something like that? I'd beat him up with a laugh. I think Askeran's going to beat him up. I genuinely do. We were talking about it. He's not going to have a boxing fight with him. Is it like... What do you mean?

Do you reckon he'll start throwing, yeah? No, he's just going to get in close fight with him is it is it like what do you mean do you reckon he'll start throwing yeah no he's just going to get in close put all his weight on him he's going to that Jake Paul's arms are going to be dead after 6-7 rounds do you reckon he's just going to he's just going to grind on him lad he's not going to have a proper boxing fight with him

I mean he's going to make it in the clinch and he's going to tire him out lad and he'll gas and Askren will just start throwing shots on him when he's gassed. But that Jake Paul isn't even the hardest YouTuber, is he?

But he's picked a fight with the worst MMA striker of all time. Oh, really? Yeah. That's clever. Ben Askren's like an elite level wrestler. Yeah. World champion wrestler.

Yeah. That's it. And he's a good grappler, you know what I mean? Oh. But that's his job. So it's taken and like he's a good grappler know what I mean but this is that's his job so it's taken away

it's taken so he's a you look like one of those cats in the Chinese in the Chinese shit you think they have on the tail

yeah I love it he had a he had a his last MMA fight was with Damian Meyer and Damian Meyer's got the most subs ever in the UFC. He's one of the best black belts who've done jujitsu and cross over to MMA and do well.

Damian Meyer beat him up on the feet. Damian Meyer doesn't beat anyone up on the feet. That's what makes it interesting, though, isn't it? Because otherwise it's like... We were talking about it because Carl thought it was an MMA bout and I was like,

that would last 45 seconds. That was made up because I was fortunate to get his head smashed in because I fucking hate him as well. He wouldn't have added him on an MMA fight

because everyone knows what's going to happen but at least people don't know what's going to happen. But is it not the case though that even, so Ben Askren is a fighter who is not known for his striking

abilities in fact if anything he's known for his lack of striking abilities yeah and jake paul is a youtuber known for being a fucking youtuber so is it not just gonna be nobody's wrestled when he was young as well yeah but is it not always to be that the fighter that isn't great at punching is still going to beat the shit out of the YouTuber that's just a YouTuber? Is that not, like... I think so, yeah. Logic.

But it's just... It's Askin. His striking is very bad. But obviously he's going to do a big boxing camp for this, something he's never done in his life. Yeah. So, yeah, I think Askin's going to beat him up bad. Askin will do 12-3

easy as well. It won't even be 12 with them, will it? Something like that, yeah. Even if it's 6, lad, he'll tire them out, lad. It's going to make him feel the pace that no one's ever done to him. Can I ask what seems like a stupid question? And I'm sorry to be using you as the spokesperson

for the entire sport of MMA. Do you know if Mayweather and McGregor had had an MMA fight do you think McGregor would have swatted him

of course yeah I know that sounded like a stupid question yeah because he would Mayweather wouldn't know

what was going on because McGregor would just come out and volley him just come out and leg kick him and leg kick him and leg kick him

and he'd be like woah what's going on the distance he'd keep with the leg kicks he wouldn't be able to get near him he wouldn't get near him no I've always said

and thought that if I was fighting like a boxer in an MMA fight personally I'd take him down you know what I mean but McGregor wouldn't

McGregor probably would stand with him and he'd just kick and kick and keep the range but he may take him down he's not that daft yeah

well you know you've got a 100% chance of winning or like 80% chance of winning you take them down he's not that daft yeah well you know you've got a 100% chance of winning or like 80% chance of winning you take them down yeah fair enough

yes I I think you wanted to say something well I think that as a southpaw who's a southpaw both

let's have a break were they what are they both Southpaws? The Greggs are Southpaw. Gregg is here. I think Floyd's Orthodox, but he switches. Oh, damn.

So close. Orthodox Jew. Philly shell, isn't it? We're going to have a quick break. A word from our sponsor, which I imagine will be Manscaped. There we go. It's Manscaped. We'll be back after this with some non-MMA stuff.

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and maybe your beard will suck you off a bit more often winner winner chicken dinner back to the pod and we're back final part

part four Paddy Pimblitt's still here Freddie Quinn's still here I've got some non MMA shit for you because I know you've done a million interviews and I know

like I've really enjoyed that MMA chat and I'm sure because a lot of our listeners have asked for you we Because I know you've done a million interviews and I know, like I've really enjoyed that MMA chat and I'm sure, because a lot of our listeners have asked for you. We always put a little shout out, like who should we get on? One of the most popular requests. So there's going to be people listening who are into MMA

and there's going to be people who are like, Freddie, you haven't got a fucking clue what it is. So that section will have been bossed, but we've got some. So I don't know whether you've seen any of our stuff before. We get sent people, send us in other words, whether you want us to of our stuff before we get sent people said us in

other words where they want us to have a word with their mate yeah fucked up or done something so i've got two for us so the first one says all right lads right i'm gonna keep this as short as possible and then he didn't that's a big paragraph that isn't it it is yeah my mate's missus or as i like to call it the beast from the east needs a kick in the fanny uh this is their words not mine and my mate i'll call him bill needs something basically about six months ago bill and this girl went through a spat where she spent every week and hour trying her hardest to make him jealous of this p teacher from work so i imagine she's a teacher bill isn't the jealous type so he was like yeah cool whatever sound to the point the p teacher sent flowers to her house yeah he's a cunt anyway they had a

holiday booked bill and this girl to go to new key the two of them off to see family for three days and then before they three days before they went they split up 10 points to whoever to whoever guesses who went instead of Bill it was the PE teacher now then Bill gets a text on day 3 of them being there and this girl is like

she shagged the PE teacher but Bill I thought of you the whole time please feel sorry for me blah blah blah now she's back Bill has not only

gone and got back with her but he's bought a new build house with her ah you stupid cunt sorry lads give me some kind of video to slip into the group chat to go, mate, seriously, this cunt's got glasses

and the other one's got a lazy eye and even they can see you're being taken for a mug because he thought Dan was going to be sat there with his glasses on. Okay. So, yeah, he wants us to have a word with Bill and that's not his real name. Okay, can I start? Bill, you've made a huge mistake.

You should never buy a new build. They don't... They don't hold their value particularly well because they're naturally overpriced. And also as well, the standard of craftsmanship these days has gone down because people are more bothered about how quickly they can make houses and how efficiently they can make houses

for the lowest cost. It's not about building something to last anymore. So Bill, you would tend to find that with a new build, you're paying more for a lower quality. Make sure that you get a house that's been built as little as 30, 40 years ago. You'll get a much higher quality and you'll be a lot happier in that.

Don't be sucked in by the new propaganda. Yeah, what a bad dickhead. Yeah, yeah, what a fucking idiot. And your missus is a slag. That was going to be my little follow-up, why don't you is a slag that was gonna be my little follow up one out your bed a slag so you reckon

she needs to be completely binned off yeah this is sort of a Ross and Rachel thing has Bill not got a sister to go and beat her up not everything

can be solved with violence Paddy I think stuff like that can't be I think I actually don't think that's true

I think violence is very often the answer it don't think that's true I think violence is very often the answer it is yeah or at least the threat of it do you know what I mean if Bill had a sister who could go around

and sort this out for him because obviously he can't be attacking women but if he had a sister who was like in her weight class do you know what I mean not even in her weight class

just like send his big fat sister around his big fat sister yeah Bill send his big fat sister round his big fat sister yeah Bill send your big fat sister round there you go

and I've got an old sister lad my sister had marched round I know that never happened with my beard

but if I did have a beard I'd do that wow to be fair though just devil's advocate innit they had broke up

so what I would say I don't care what I would say so what and I care as they beat her up. Just devil's advocate, innit? They had broke up. So, what I would say... So, I don't care. What I would say... So, what? So, did they split up a few days before? So, if she jumps in bed with this other dude, slag. Get her gone.

Bill. Or whatever your real name is. Get her gone, lad. Get her gone. Get that new Bill to fuck as well. Do you know what it is is I think it's incredibly dodgy that a man

sent flowers round to his house for his missus and that wasn't a fucking sackable offence yeah that wasn't like yeah

that's what's going on that's an instant dismissal that's like go round and see the PE teacher and put a same word in. Traditionally, PE teachers get more leeway in this field, I don't think. Do you know what I mean? What do you mean? Being a bit creepy.

Do you know what I mean? There's a PE teacher from our school who ended up shagging students. Do you remember me? You can't say his name. Oh, why not? Allegedly. Do you remember? You there, then?

Yeah. Yeah. allegedly Paddy refuses to answer on the grounds he may incriminate himself if you had like if you were in a long term relationship

with a woman and there's a man sending that woman flowers that's crossed a line it's beef yeah I wouldn't be having that at all because no one ever

sends flowers for anything other than a romantic way. Unless someone's bound to his house and shoving them up his arse. And biting his cock off. And what's that move called? Flowers off the hoop. Yeah, if your missus is getting sent flowers.

Well, that's the bit that he ignored. And that's the big fucking warning sign. Your missus is getting sent flowers. Well, that's the bit that he ignored and that's the big fucking warning sign. Your missus is getting sent flowers from another guy. And the thing is And no one's dead.

Right, if if he got past that and was like, yeah, it's just this fucking gimp from work or whatever sending flowers. If he had that in him to do that,

none of us have. Right, I couldn't put up with it. You definitely couldn't. You couldn't. And no, you just couldn't. Right. So, he got past that but then that can't be the one

she jumps into bed with can it do you know what I mean she can't shag him if she's going to shag someone three days later it definitely can't be the one who was sending flowers

last week so did he go to her parents house in Newquay it looks like yeah he's keying him yeah he is keying him lad do you know what it is

he never yeah easy he just ever meets a girl's family within weeks of knowing It looks like, yeah. He's keen, him. Yeah, he is keen, him. Do you know what it is? Never. Yeah, easy. PE teachers ever meet a girl's family within weeks of knowing them. No. Don't ever do that. What a bad idea. As well, how weird. As you never know, she might have been speaking to him for a while,

hadn't been around the house already. How weird must it have been for the parents to be like, oh, you're not bringing Dave. Oh, sorry, you're not bringing Bill. And then it's like, oh, no, this is the PE teacher that I work with who I am going to be having sex with now. Under your roof. Under your roof.

I hope that's okay. It's weird. Do you think that's what she said as they walked in? This is the PE teacher. Where's Bill? Father, this is the penis I shall be sucking for most of the next three days. I reckon she was speaking Zoom already.

Yeah, Bill's back. Must be. That's too quick. Must be. Must be. So this is... So get her gone, Bill. He can't.

No, we should have knew how, shouldn't we? Okay, lad. Go and get your best girl, mate. Bring her down to smash her head in. Do you know what he's done, though? I'll tell you what he's done right. I would bet my left bollock that this woman is a lot more

physically attractive than Bill yeah that's why he's putting up with that shit and what he's doing is he's bought that new house to trap her

so now he's being an enabler yeah now they've both got something to lose because there's a new build right exactly

now you can't fuck that p teacher anymore she still can you are still can fuck him because he's trapped as well well well this is it but he's tried to trap her so that she feels like she's got something to lose right i see what you're saying i i'm sort of with you that she needs to go but the the sicko in me, I'd want revenge first. Same, lad, I'd want revenge. So, and not necessarily, I reckon she'd get over, like her sister going and punching her head in. Do you know what I mean?

She'd get over that, couple of weeks. So I reckon he's got to, like, really emotionally hurt her. Okay, here's what he does. Find out if she wants kids. If she does want kids, pretend like you want kids too. What if he does want kids too? Okay, if he does, freeze your sperm. But if you don't want kids, then you stay with her

until she becomes barren and then leave her. Done. About 40 years. Yeah, it's going to be a long time, that though, isn't it? I was thinking more like he wakes up with that on his birthday or something. Do you know what I mean? Oh, right. Okay. I was thinking long-term revenge. Change his shampoo for the removal cream or something do you know what I mean oh right okay I was thinking long term revenge

change the shampoo for the removal cream or something make her go bald bald women then get off women don't like being bald that's a wig though innit

it's quite easy to sort that out yeah I think he needs to just like slowly drive her insane do you know what I mean and then the final straw

text her to come home one day while you're lying in bed with a different bed. That's it. That's exactly it. No violence is needed. She just needs to walk in.

He should chug the PE teacher. He should chug the PE teacher. He should chug the same PE teacher. Paddy the Paddy Pimlet gets him in a flying fucking triangle and then he has to come in and bite the PE teacher's cock off and then mails it to her at work. Like seven. What's in the box?

What's in the box? What's in the box? Perfect. Elaborate. Yeah, I like it. I think, but look, the guy who's written it isn't Bill.

Need to remember that. We're meant to be having a weird with Bill. Do you know what I mean? So Bill's probably not going to do that. But we do need to say to Bill, I reckon, you're being a fucking idiot. No, because you can't. Because the thing is, with people like this,

what his bird will have done is his bird will have gone, your friends don't want us to be together. Yeah, and she's right. Yeah, she is. People he's never met don't want to see you together. We've never met Bill, or his bed, and we know the story. And I get here to fuck. In fact, do you know what?

I reckon you could share that story with anyone in the world, any man in the world, and there's not a single man that'd go, give love a chance. Do you know what I mean? You'd be fucking it off. Go and buy a new build with her. No. Is there any woman you can think of on the planet

who you would take this off? No. No. Because the thing is... No one. There's nothing she could do. There's no level of brilliance, intellect, beauty that you would put up with this from.

Intellect. I love it. She cheated on me but she's got a degree. She does so quickly. The only way you do it now is if it's money, innit? If she's got money?

Yeah, that's the only way you do it now. She's like Debra Mead. I don't know why I wanted to do that. La da da. La da da. I'm with her. Do you reckon when he finished fucking her she went, I'm with you or something do you reckon when he finished fucking her

she went I'm out it's all like Oprah Winfrey and shit like that Oprah Winfrey she's a billionaire she is a billionaire

do you know what it is though is now that this has happened he'll never be able to have a proper relationship because anybody

who she is friends with, the paranoia will drive him insane. The paranoia will eat away at him. So what's your solution there? Get rid. Get rid, but he can't be with anyone else, you're saying? What's that mean? Because the paranoia will drive him insane.

No, I mean, the paranoia with this particular woman. In fact, you tend to find, and this happens absolutely loads, that somebody comes out of a relationship and they were cheated on or it didn't end well and they bring that sort of negative totally and they bring it into the next person it's like i'm not that last thing so i don't know why you're judging me by this yardstick he's he's because all men are bastards all of them that's why that relationship's dead. It's dead. She's a raffer accepting the flowers as well.

I'm not going, hey, turn that in. I'm saying it's dead, but like, Bill doesn't seem that arsed. Doesn't at the start of the day as well, that she mentioned to Bill that this PE teacher was looking at her face.

Yeah. Well, even worse then, she's encouraged it, the little slag. Yeah. Oh my God, lad,

she needs a head smack. He's so angry lad there's your first fight you can fight it lad she needs her head proper punching in

by her sister or something or her ma the last new build she has was that police teacher's dick or whatever his fucking name was

you tried to do a new build dick joke yeah didn't work didn't work and I panicked and just threw words at it

and then also as well I was ashamed of myself so I just looked at the laptop couldn't bring myself to look

Paddy in the eye professional fighter what am I so there you go Bill swear of your beard or just emotionally

drainer for as long as possible I keep saying keep promising her stuff and then not doing it I'll do the dishes tomorrow

and don't do the dishes really think that that's the perfect revenge slow but you know it would be slow that like it'd be good

but it would be slow but it would it would yeah I'll do the washing yeah just leave that for three days

yeah well she sucked another man's dick but I didn't do the dishes No but It's constant isn't it It's not All the relationships

All the little Things that you're Bickering about Do you know what I mean Like just don't ever Take the bin out Ever again I'll bring your

Charger downstairs Yeah But imagine how annoying That'd be like Over a period of years Just constantly Like I'll get you Nah but lad You haven't even got Years to waste on this hoe You need to have a day but imagine how annoying that'd be like over a period of years just constantly like I'll get you Nah but lad

you haven't even got years to waste on this hoe you need to He can be shagging other people in the meantime Bill stop being a bitch and get out of that

relationship you little bitch ass and get out of the new build as well yeah yeah sell that You're really unhappy

about the new build The new build's a dreadful night new builds are notoriously bad Was your flat a new build no mine was a converted uh mill but new builds bad craftsmanship and they are expensive and they uh don't regain their value for a longer amount of time okay so there you go bill you're a dickhead twice um i've got another one here this is

from is his name Chris Chris nice one are you lids got a bit of a word for you I'm feeling quite confident

that my mate comes off looking worse in this but I want to know what you would have done in my position a few weeks a few weeks ago me and my best mate

Matt were having a few drinks around mine and we decided to get a takeaway now I can't stand the decided to get a takeaway. Now, I can't stand the strong smells that a takeaway brings in the house and takeaway leftovers the next day smell horrible. So as soon as we finished all the leftovers and stuff,

they go straight in the bin. An hour or so later, he's getting ready to go and he asks where the scran's gone. So I tell him it's all gone in the bin. He's in the wrong. Who? You don't even have to finish this. Throw whatever knobhead put in the bin. He's wrong. He's in the wrong. Who? You don't even have to finish this. Throw whatever knobhead putter in the bin.

He's wrong. He's in the wrong already. He's a tool. Where are your leftovers? I've put them in the bin. That's not what leftovers are. Thank you. That's not what leftovers are.

That's what you're done with and you're not eating any more of. There is one little extra layer to this. Okay. So he gets pissed off. He turns out he'd got some food for his girlfriend and he was going to take it home for her. So it wasn't just leftovers in the bag. There was his bird scrams in there as well.

He then decided he was still going to take it home anyway. He reasons that it was still in the wrapping, which was inside the takeaway bag. So the food was uncontaminated. It'll be fine and she'll never know. I'd like to point out at this stage, I absolutely did try to talk him out of it, but he'd made his mind up,

so as he's leaving, he grabs the bag out the bin. I, at that point, noticed he'd picked out the wrong bag. See, the other thing that goes straight into the outside bin is if we've changed my daughter's shitty nappies and we double bagged them. Well, that's what he now had in his hands. I had this brilliant mental image of him walking home, steaming drunk, and giving his girlfriend this bag,

saying, this is your tea. And hair opening a bag of shade. I could have told him, but it seemed far too funny to not let him wander off home. It played out pretty much as I was hoping. I think if he was more sober, he might have been able to play it off as a shit joke, but he was too drunk and ended up confessing that he got her food back out the bin she's a proper

like uh neef freak as well so she was fuming about it we haven't properly fallen i was over it but his girlfriend is rightly pissed off with him and hates me as well because i let him do it should i have stopped and told him and stopped him getting grief or would you have done the same as me nah i probably would have let him walk out with that he redeemed himself there yeah he did you might have put stuff in the bin but at least that's that's how lads work isn't it yeah i would definitely let you try and feed your missus shit but i wouldn't let you buy a new build i think so i think the person who emailed in is a giant pussy. Because he, honestly, he lost me when he said,

the smells are really strong. And so I get rid of it instantly. Yeah, you're right. I thought, what are you on about? The smells are really strong. If you've got shitty nappies in your bin, lad, what are you on about? Exactly.

I don't mind my house smelling of shit, but Chinese food? I know. Here's the thing with me. I don't know whether you two are the same. You've been't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I don't mind my house I gets nailed to be fair i don't know but most of the time i'll have something to eat the next day yeah a bit of pizza the next day cold pizza no i don't have a cold meal in the oven you reheat pizza i have a cold me i like out the fridge oh that's my fridge pizza it's meant to be warm though like i can't eat stuff that are meant to be warm cold i'm actually with you i like cold pizza but i wouldn't have put it in the fridge because it's meant to be warm though like i can't eat stuff that are meant to be warm cold i'm actually with you i like cold pizza but i wouldn't have put it in the fridge because it's too cold that's too cold pizza it's like eating cardboard i would eat i would eat room temperature

pizza yeah but i wouldn't eat fridge pizza yeah when i'm being a fat little bastard i will eat room temperature pizza but like nine times out of ten i'll sit there for 10 minutes while it goes back in the oven the thing is though is when you go in the microwave it goes all soggy I don't know about you guys

but I don't order takeaway all that much so when I do order it I like it to be a fucking feast I order it when I'm dieting like once a week

totally so if you're having it once a week but if I'm not dieting I'll order it 3 or 4 times a week I'm a lazy company really that's how I bloom weight wise I thought what totally so if you're having it once a week but if I'm not dieting I'll order three or four times a week I'm a lazy company really

that's how I bloom weight wise I thought what 12 days ago now or something 10 days ago whatever the fuck it is and erm

for that week after I go bananas really yeah I'm eating in different gaffs every night so you go takeaways all the time

yeah but then you had to deprive yourself of it yeah for like eight weeks for eight weeks so it's like you just binge out on it it's a joke lad because obviously you drop takes like eight weeks to get down what did i do is lost about 14k in eight weeks or something but that wasn't even hard this time it was quite easy obviously or six weeks because i had covered um so done that in like six weeks and then on like tuesday wednesday i was like 84k 85k what i mean it just goes on lad luckily enough i kept running that so i'm still about 85k now but like yeah it's taken weeks and weeks to get off and it takes like four or five days to put

back on oh it's so easy isn't it yeah like me i often see you so there's there's two states that i see you in adam the first state is adam losing weight and you will go progressively smaller every time i see you and then you'll hit a weight that i'm like, oh, he looks really good. And then I won't see you for two months. And I'll look back and you will be as fat as you've ever been. And it's like, how? It's because I'm always either dieting or not arsed. I've got no middle ground, mate. Do you know what I mean?

I'm the same, lad. I'm like you. I'm exactly like that. That's why I look like a shit mug. I don't think your worst comes close to my worst. Do you know what I mean? When I was in New York a few years ago, I went up to a bar.

I was still training every day there as well, and it was about 88 kilos or something. Like, the heaviest I've been is like 88, 89. Yeah. The heaviest I've been is 16 and a half stone, which is 16 stone 7 in kilograms

that's 105 kilograms which is heavy because I'm only 5'9 as well it's a heavy heavy weight for someone my size that was as light as I've been as an adult 65

is it? yeah yeah yeah that was 18 months ago do you ever think about like losing weight and getting healthier because you just get bigger every time i see you well i don't know i stay consistent say it's a consistent i mean it's not even true is it no i stay a consistent 18 stone ish no matter what i sort of do right i would uh so my thing is is that i like eating i like i eat like a medieval king do you know i mean like i just eat random fucking

mutton for breakfast do you know like like what you know what i mean like i like eating rich daft foods and i don't like restricting myself but another thing is that i fucking hate the gym i literally hate it i think it's shit and point oh go and lift that heavy thing why i just do it it just it doesn't it doesn't you feel stronger and healthier in it but i lost three stone last year and i didn't i went for about four runs and then i was like i'll just i'll have less calories rather than run oh go and flip that tire why just cause oh you see those two fucking heavy ropes yeah it's to get in shape to feel healthy no but i don't like so for me i i am such a person that is about immediate satisfaction no but have you ever been in shape enough to know what it feels it feels good to feel like no but

for me personally like losing a stone and a half or two stone is enough for me to be like fuck so i have done it where i've gone shit but it's just it's so delayed that satisfaction that i just can't be arsed with it i'll tell you what it is genuinely if i was going to lose weight if i was going to try i would learn a martial art or something like that because i don't mind working out whilst thinking about something a lot of people do that totally so so for me go and lift that thing it's pointless but oh i'm gonna teach you how to punch or you're gonna move your hip or you're gonna you're gonna you know fucking jab jab hook or whatever i'm not thinking i'm fucking tired i'm thinking oh

jab jab hook do you know what i mean yeah you're keeping busy whereas if you're on a treadmill all you think is when can I get off this fucking treadmill yeah and I do I understand that like if I'm on a treadmill I'm just looking at

whatever whatever I set my target at whether it's a time or a distance you're just waiting for it to tick to that aren't you just waiting for it to count down no fucking enjoying it whatsoever

do you do like cardio work like yeah I used to they used to be the exact same with weight IQ like what the fuck's the point in that then you realise what the point in it is

when you come up against someone who's a lot stronger than you and then I didn't used to run that much either lad but lockdown got me into running and now I do enjoy a few runs I just put my headphones on me lad yeah

probably jog past people you know rapping me head off yeah I've got a proper little rap playlist that i use for when i have a little run around not a screen pack i don't believe that at all because the last time that i got in a car with you we had your spotify uh recently played on and megan trainer's dear future husband was on so i find it very difficult to believe that you go from Meghan Trainor to Biggie. No, like if I'm running, I listen to rap music.

Like the reason that was on recently played is because I put like summer hits on in the car on a Spotify playlist because it was the summer. You can't run. You can't run around the park to the Spice Girls. But if it's sunny as fuck out, you've just got like any old shite on. You're having a good time, aren't you?

Are you going for the reason that I listened to Meghan Trainor's Dear Future Husband is because it was summer? That's what you were going for? It's because it's on a summer playlist, yeah. Does anyone else smell bollocks? I believe him. I don't use Spotify, lad I believe them I don't use Spotify

do you not use Spotify Apple Music Apple Music there we go Spotify and Apple Music are both available

and neither of them sponsored us so we're not recommending either one any more than the other and if they want to sponsor us

then get in touch have a word pod if Apple want to sponsor us that'd be fucking how long do you think leftovers

can be left as leftovers before it becomes unacceptable to eat them if it's takeaway the morning after the morning after

so if you get it on Saturday night I'll throw it away Monday morning oh fucking hell yeah of course I reckon that night yeah I'd probably

eat it on the Monday night one day I don't give a fuck mate the baddie I'll eat takeaway whenever I fucking want give me shit mate

noodles three days you've been out that's gone bad pimblit that's it it's gone off that is the end

of this week's episode I've had a fucking bell's of time I've learned all about UFC and MMA I reckon give me six weeks

Six weeks I reckon I can compete Six weeks and you'll know all about pride When you said pride rules earlier My first thought went to gay pride Yeah same I thought it was like winning bums the loser Thanks for tuning in. We really, really appreciate it. What are your social media handles, Paddy,

just in case people want to find out? Paddy the Baddy on Twitter and Insta. Bell set. Freddie, you've got a new podcast launching very soon under the Have A Word Network.

Yes, mate. It's not up at the moment because we're still waiting for studio to finish and waiting for a few things but if you want to have a listen to it uh then what you can do is you can go to where it's going to be called pigoted um if you want to go to pigoted.com you can pop your email address in there so you'll get an email as soon as it's ready and you can follow us on twitter instagram and youtube as well um all the And all the links are at pigoted.com. Pigoted.com, that's all you need to do.

And obviously, all of that will be in the description if you're watching this on YouTube. I don't know whether you put it in the description on Podbean and stuff as well, but you can do. Yeah, that's pretty much everything. Make sure everyone who listens regularly and likes Dan, send them a little message saying congratulations because his baby should be here maybe now

we will check after the episode is done thanks for tuning in as always you can get merch at haveawaypod.com and if you want extra episodes we do an extra episode every single week and you get 48 hours early access to these public episodes at patreon.com slash haveawaypod starting from just

3 quid a month see you later bye Felicia turn that off