Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #120 with Stephen Tries - Have A Word w/Adam & Dan

Episode Date: May 17, 2021

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Every day. Who the fuck is that guy? Char, upset me, nasty bitch. Oh, Jesus. Don Oh, jeez. Don't chat to me! I can see fumes coming off your pum-pum look like petrol station. Shut up! Disgusting!

Coming to you from the soon-to-be world-famous Havawad Studios. Hidden away in the scenic hills of sunny Runcorn, England. These are the funniest leads in the podcast game. Adam Rowe, Dan Nightingale and Sensei Carl with full HD video episodes on YouTube. It has to be. Have a word. I went to the surfaces services

the services the M56 surfaces yeah services yeah just to get a sugar free red bull because The services The set The M56 surfaces Yeah Services Yeah Just to get a Sugar free Red Bull Because

Daddy likes to turn up In game mode And The guy in front of me Polish East European You know Yeah

The Yeah The Least stylish man I've ever seen Stroke One of the coolest dudes At the same time

You know when you're like It looks like he was from Snatch It looks like he was a character from snatch he had a beer gut and a super tight polo shirt like jean tattoos everywhere and then like like gardening clogs i didn't know what the fuck was going on and they went 20 mile bread and she went 16 pounds and i became the oldest man at the service station just like that literally like what I'm not

16 pounds for 20 cigarettes got to the counter and he like fucked off to do a Guy Ritchie film or whatever and I was like

was that 16 quid for a pack of cigarettes she was like yeah oh it's ridiculous now and it's more expensive here because of services. But yeah.

And they're not even the most expensive one. £18.60. Good. For 20 cigarettes. What? The actual fuck. And then you're going, it should be three grand. Yeah.

For a pack of cigarettes. Per cigarette. Right. Because if you want to smoke, you should have to take out a loan. Because you're damaging your own health your family's health your friend's health your stinker shit

fuck you horrible if you smoke you do stinker shit sorry well you stink of smoke but shit

yeah no but your breath stinks of shit doesn't it yeah because it ruins your breath it's fucking horrible but my point was like who is then going

yeah I'll have 20 of them then 16 quid how long does that last is that a day's work i mean like i really like cocaine if it was four quid i might have more of a problem but as it's 50 60 quid a gram i'm like yeah once in a while 16 quid is that every day that he stops in at the services? Maybe he used to smoke 40 when they were at 8 quid a pachy. That's like 6 grand a year. Yeah. 6 grand a year. To kill yourself earlier. Just jump off a bridge. You could have a Finn for a whole

year. Oh god. Just jump off a bridge if you want to kill yourself quick. And Finn doesn't put his expenses through so you could actually just hire a Finn and get him to buy you ciggies. Finn you could be working for an East European guy who can't dress himself

also looks like a weird cocaine dealer yeah but that's not how addiction works is it like I know people get addicted to

cigarettes but I like the addiction me being a tight cunt would outweigh the addiction I'd be like I'm not paying

them fucking prices that's ridiculous no I think you'd start crying to pay for it yeah right that's what happens maybe

hang on hang on I think we might be talking about nicotine addiction in a different like no one's robbing banks so they can get 20 LNB are they

why not how do you know I'm just guessing who robs banks to buy crack right I'm just saying I'm no one's committing like yeah I need a fix

and a team you son of a bitch I'm in no I think if you really wanted something like you'd start just robbing old people

in there what do you reckon is the lowest like you know like Lucas Aid that's what I mean like so like

you know like he can get addicted to heroin famously right I mean I mean yeah you're always going to mention it because you work on the board of heroin i think you are a consultant would you for big heroin would you would you try heroin oh shit i would rather talk about putting all my children and my wife in a cage again than talk about fucking heroin. You'd rob a bank for it though, wouldn't you? If Etta got addicted to heroin,

would you lock her in a cage to stop her having it? Three smackheads turn up with screwdrivers at HSBC. I don't think this is going to be asking for a loan. The lowest level of... So there's heroin, there's crack, then there's MDMA. Then cocaine. No one's addicted to MDMA

then weed no one's robbing nannies for Mandy come on you're just saying drug names that you've heard of what I want to know is like

because then past that you've got like alcohol then you've got cigarettes then you've got starburst then you've got yeah

oh is this all on the same scale yeah but like heroin at the top starburst near the bottom yeah right so what do you reckon is the lowest ranking thing that someone's been addicted to that they've committed so genuinely under drugs you would think that under drugs alcohol and gambling become become the two like drugs are drugs are like i need this to the point where i will risk my life and threaten other people's lives.

And then with gambling and alcohol, it is so in your system. Drugs are gambling though, aren't they? Because you're gambling with your health. Oh my God. You fucking funny. I know you were doing a bit, but it made me hate you. I saw you as a Karen then, to be honest. It's all gambling.

Do you know where the skag came from? What about sex? Sex addiction. No one's got any patience for sex addicts. Russell Brand. I'm a sex addict. You're a fucking menace. That's what you are.

Shagga. Dirty Shagga. Give it time. TikTok, TikTok on that one. Timestamp that for me. Imagine if it comes out on TikTok. Through dance. Shut up.

I'm a fucking sex pest Allegedly Allegedly I mean we sound Allegedly Shut up We're doing banner Toby Foster's not a cunt

That was a joke Russell Brand sound I'd let him hang around With my sister Defo Because she's a big fan It's not often that My bum all goes on

Yeah shut up now Yeah What do you reckon people have committed Coffee Coffee People are really addicted to caffeine They are yeah But do you reckon anyone's ever robbed a bank for an espresso

I don't think I think the robbing the bank thing Was wrong from the off So it's You can't keep going rob a bank for opal fruit oh shit

I just called them opal fruit FIFA packs have anyone ever pushed their nan down a flight of stairs for sweets sweeties sugar

campinos sugar addiction the strawberry ones oh absolutely I would what about for salted caramel poppets not my favourite poppets?

Not my favourite poppets. The orange ones are good. FIFA packs, though. That leads to theft. People always rub off the pens and stuff. Your kids. Yeah. Is it addiction?

Yes. It's become unlawful. There's a lot of countries now that are banning them. I'm addicted to porn. That's a fact. You're not? I am. You're not addicted to porn? Have a kicking old woman in her face to pay for some? I don't think that's a fact you're not I am you're not ever kicking an old woman

in the face to pay for something I don't think that's how just all addiction isn't one blanket like there he is he's trying to rob a bank

for porn he doesn't understand how porn works that's what my question was I need some bukkake you're going outside the parameters of my inquiry here

no but you're those parameters I call bullshit on the parameters because what you're saying those parameters, I call bullshit on the parameters because what you're saying is all addiction leads to stealing to fund that addiction.

Sometimes with addiction. No, that's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is what is the lowest ranking addiction that does lead to stealing? Oh, sorry. I thought we were talking

all, right, okay. I think it's got to be. I don't think. There's definitely every single day people stealing off their parents or whatever

to fund their FIFA addiction right 100% there's always a picture in the Daily Mirror where the kids just like

yeah use my dad's credit card spend 25 grand mate I love those kids and you've got Alex Tellers right honestly it's a bad part they're the ones

every time you see one of those stories and you're like my child went on Google Play and spent £42,000

on Candy Crush I'm like well your child is a gangster and you are a fucking moron sort your internet security out I just realised

I'm searching for an article like a famous one but the start of my search is old man porn have you ever seen that one? just hit enter and see what comes up no do is old man porn. Have you ever seen that one? Just his entrance, see what comes up.

No. Do it. Old man porn cost or something. Right. What was he doing? Pensioner. Pensioner. So I've seen his face, how guilty he is.

I did not. I did not. You've got to drop that one in. I, on it, his wife, like Margaret, like, he doesn't, my bill doesn't understand the one in. I, on it, his wife, like Margaret, like, he doesn't, my Bill doesn't understand the internet. Look at him on the video. He looks like a dog who knows

he's about to be put down. He looks like me in the future. That is the saddest thing about that. I'm like, that is like looking into my wanking, look at him. That's me in the future. That's me in five years stop drinking Red Bull Dan

you can see right there he's playing one of them in his head there please read please read the story to us so he's 72 and 75 they were charged

£900 by Virgin for watching porn that they didn't they claim they didn't watch Anne and Ron oh of course they called Anne and Ron £900

Anne and Ron Haywood from of course. Nine hundred pounds. Anne and Ron Haywood from Stockport first handed a 200 pound bill in 2009. That's when Ron found porn.

150 16 hour stints. Honestly, I've never cracked one out for 16 hours. Wow. On a night of beak and a few pills and then I get like

the midnight horn. The thing is, if Virgin are arguing for five years, the thing is that you know that they yeah they've bought it and 16 hours is actually a full day because you sleep for eight so that means there was 150 days yeah where he got up didn't even have breakfast just watched all day and then just fell asleep yeah he's doing split shifts oh it's so good he yeah he's so

he's definitely Ron's a dirty old devil yeah and he's waiting till Anne's like full of her HRT and she's having a nap yeah and then he's going down

turning on the porn having the best time of his life because he was born in 1908 so he's like oh look at this future tits and then he doesn't know

how to turn it off yeah and he's just left it so he's just wandered off and he's they oh look at this future tits and then he doesn't know how to turn it off yeah and he's just left it he's just wandered off and he's they paid nearly a grand I mean

he's absolutely guilty isn't he without a shadow look and here's the bill I mean we can't separate these papers but can I just say

do you know in all articles like this where something has happened like a consumer having a complaint with a company the photos they take like that

you know where compo face not just compo face but just like you know when they're like right could you just look sad and point at the pothole where you ruined your jeans

it's like is that in the echo usually best one and Anne's just going Ron look less wanky right yeah the first photo they took there

Ron was like... He's like... What are you going to do? What am I going to do? Oh, the bitch ain't got no moisturiser no more. You know what I'm saying? I'm making fucking orders with the Avon lady myself. Ron, do you want anything from Avon?

You're fucking right I do, Anne. Two tubs of fucking moisturiser, babe. I absolutely love Compo Face. Look at that. Yeah. Look at this. Dog shit. What is that article?

Because she's pointing at a shovel full of shit. Yeah. I am having to shovel shit. I mean, it's my shit. My Compo Face. The greatest came from last year. This one. Do you remember that one?

Yeah. When the builders kicked the snowman over. So he lost his job for that. He lost his job. Look at the state of it. The snow has melted literally everywhere. They've had to ship in some fucking snow to be like, just scatter that everywhere.

I don't think we got enough information on that story, you know, because that fella, that postman lost his job. Yeah, that picture's got to go in the episode. That postman lost his job because there was I think they had like

one of those ring doorbells and it was like on constantly record so you see the postman literally just walk over and volley it and then he got sacked

but like what happened in the five minutes bin man bin man yeah so in the five minutes

previous to this what are we gonna play this on the air yeah I'll put it in the five minutes previous to this, what... Are we going to play this on the app? Yeah, I'll put it in the app. Oh, my God. So... Is he just fucking...

You do that with your mates though, wouldn't it? It's funny. The snow is gone. Yeah. It's not snowing anymore. Oh, man. That's so low. It's such a...

He put the fucking snowman out of its misery. Oh, my friends are dead. Fuck. I just want to know. What's he doing? A Joe Rogan impression? Fuck off, lad. Fucking hell.

He lost his job for battering a snowman. Insane. Can I suggest? I want to know why he was so angry. What happened that night or the night before or that day? Do you know what I mean? He's probably just about, can I just suggest that that bin team were probably looking for a reason to sack that cunt.

I don't think he's been an award-winning bin man. He's everyone's favourite. He's actually like, he's a representative for the union. And then on an off day, he's kicked the fuck out of a snowman and like, we've got to sack you. I think he's probably a Raji cunt who they were like, you've caused loads of problems. And now you've just kicked the shit out of a fucking snowman

on a door dash. Like, you've caused loads of problems, and now you've just kicked the shit out of a fucking snowman on a door dash. Can you tell me what awards bin men might get? Oh, I mean, like, just within the depot, like, you know, employee of the week. Yeah, well, how would a bin man distinguish himself from the rest of the squad?

I don't... You've never worked at a proper place apart from Envy and Zellix. I'm sure there is. I worked in a call centre for a week. Yeah. Did you win any awards or did you get sacked? I didn't get sacked.

You didn't go in? The company got shut down because they got all their information illegally. In the Wolf of Wall Street. Day one. It was actually really sad one day because we were doing that cold call and you've been in a car accident thing.

And it's horrible, isn't it? But like I needed the money and I had nothing else on. So I was like, and it was one of those things where like it was in this little three month gap where I had no job and comedy wasn't quite paying enough for me

to even pay me dad yet. Gotta do what you need to do, kid. That was like, you're going to have to sign on like at least for like a couple of weeks so I went in and they were like

right we will give you no fucking money whatsoever unless you do this course to be a a call centre and I was like fine okay

of course so did it did a week at the job and you ring and all going I'm not done with the call you don't even ring anyone

they just like sort of the machine does it for you and it's just hello I've heard you've been in a car accident that wasn't your fault and it

just really really really sad because most people just go it's quite funny really I love when they call me hey no fuck off delete this number and fuck off

and I'm like yeah I get that that's me okay because it's just there is no information it's just pure here's a number chance here

it's I think what they do is they contact dodgy insurance companies where there's been a leak and it's anyone who's made any sort of claim so if you've scratched your wing mirror at some point then they get your phone number do you know what i mean best thing to do with them people is give them a fake story i've done that because they get really excited all the time it all the time. I told one of them I was in a four car pileup car crash. Right?

It's a four car pileup car crash. There was five people in my car. It's a George Cartier line. Is it? Yeah. And there was five people in my car and you could hear him getting excited. He was like,

I'm going to get employed. Can I just put you on hold? Oh, shit! It's the mother load! Guys, gather round! He put me on with the manager. Like Jordan Belfort. What we're going to do for you is we're going to...

Everyone leaning in. How did you do that? Amazing. What did you say? I told them that we all got, like, really bad backs. One of us is still on crutches. One's in a wheelchair. One's dead.

What? One's dead. No, I didn't do it. I didn't go that far because I was like I wanted to stay real and I got all the ways I was on the phone with him for about

45 minutes when I lived in my auntie's and my auntie was crying and I was laughing and right at the end I went how many messes and you could hear him

he wasn't angry he was sad do you know what I mean he went oh really and I was like yeah and he's like oh okay

because on his other screen he's been on auto trade ago to get him a new car oh really and i was like yeah and he's like oh okay because on his other screen he's been an auto trader going to get him a new car oh really are they are they disabled now okay i'm gonna get a fucking really nice car ask him to repeat himself constantly because they have to they can't just go sorry i didn't hear that i mean you're such a man say it again and go do you know what i'm so i didn't hear that you're such a wind-up merchant well you're gonna call call call me i'm doing that i'm gonna fucking i'm gonna ruin your day but i had to do that and then one of them like was really horrible this isn't even funny i don't even know why i brought it up yeah do it though but uh i mean it was really really bad i was like uh oh you rang

that this is when you were working with the sister yeah i remember this are you have you been in a car accident that wasn't your fault and she was like are you looking for Ronnie and that was the name I remember screaming I was like yeah

and she was like it was yesterday and he's dead like her husband had died in a car accident at least this is what she said I'm open that she's doing

what me and Carl did and we're just trying to fuck off the guy being me but she was like yeah Ronnie was in a car accident yesterday and died and she was like so could you just never call this number again please but she was like yeah ronnie was in a car accident yesterday and died and she was like so could you just never call this number again please and i was like yep

i'd be like oh respect love this is exactly the phone number you need yeah i mean maybe you don't want to talk about it now but let's schedule a call for in a week's time motherfucker he's dead let's get you some dollar dollar never call this number again what because you've had a car lost someone in a car accident i think i should call you what was your job though my job yeah like what were you what was the the goal of what you were doing so to get there to get their accident and injury claim all right do you know what i mean to start the claim so it's like because if you come through our company they got like a big commission

from the other side it might just be even a finders fee was it just a telemarketing company that was then feed into no we were all lawyers we did a week's course at the job centre that must have been a hell of a course guys this is how you pick up a phone

this is how you say well no i'm not gonna go fuck myself and now you're a lawyer yeah so we were all personally injured lawyers i'm a qualified yeah you know last week when you were putting all that gravel away and you injured yourself yeah was that your fault i mean whose gravel was it but who did i buy the gravel off whilst they're assigned setting if you lift six bulk bags of this in one afternoon and you drink moretti in the sun and you're a fat 40 year old it might hurt your hamstring no that wasn't written anywhere did they say that on the receipt i don't think so you could be really entitled to up to 300 000 pounds two oh my god thank you so much yeah wow who did you buy the

gravel off uh stone and garden just actually given the name of the company um jeff's jeff's gravel no stone and garden stone and garden.co.uk if you're watching you're gonna have me to answer soon but you imagine if we get an email from stone and garden going hey hey i'm not doing this for cotswold chippings i'm not doing it for limestone dan have you ever been to court it for limestone. Dan, have you ever been to court? Yes. Have you? Why? Yeah. Because when my sweet mother died,

she left me a Peugeot 106. Fuck off. Peugeot 106 Mardi Gras. Not any old Peugeot 106. Oh, thank God. Do you know if you'd have just paused the pod there? If I was watching this and you've gone,

what's Dan about to say next? Right near the bottom of the list. Oh, it's an absolute whip as well. Yeah, Peugeot 106 Mardi Gras. It was blue. Go down a bit. That's not a good reflection of

it it was nicer than that oh there you go that's my oh there it is oh what a beautiful car my grandad after my mum died my

grandad drove that to St Anne's where they live put it in the garage and serviced it every week he didn't drive it he's such a lovely old man

my grandad he took it around the block to keep the engine ticking over so that when i passed my test about maybe a year after my mum died i passed my test i got a peugeot 106 mardi gras that i drove around all through my a-levels and honestly that thing was fucking. It got me all over the shop. I never serviced it. At one point, the engine just exploded because I hadn't put oil or water in for a year and a half, and then one of my mum's friends serviced it for me,

fixed the engine for me, just because everyone was like, oh, his mum's dead. And then I was going to uni, and I had the car, and I was like, I'm not taking the car to uni. So I'll just fucking sell it. So there's a guy that worked at the pub. Like, he was one of the bouncers. He knew cars.

And everyone was like, just be careful. Anyway, he gave me a grand for it. It might have been worth a little bit more. It was an all right little car. He knew cars, so he was like a Peugeot 106. I can give you i can give you a bag of sand remembering being really lancaster about it i can give you a bag of sand and i literally went i don't know what that is i want money mate i want cold hard cash i was such a

wet behind the ears like 19 years i was like what he's like a grand a bag old. I was like, what? He's like, a grand, a bag of sand. I was like, right. So I took a thousand pounds. So I was fucking minted when I got to uni. I got my loan. I got a grand. Oh, it was brilliant. I absolutely play a player. Why did you go to court?

Because I didn't know that you had to exchange the ownership, the V5. I thought you were like, that's your car and that's my money. Bye-bye. So he was like, all right. because he's a dodgy cunt. So they just drove it around for ages, never taxed it, got some parking tickets and stuff. And eventually I got a letter saying, this car has been in Salford or something and it's not at road tax

and it's your car. I was like, it's not my car. They're like, well, can you prove it's not at road tax and it's your car i was like it's not my car well can you prove it's not your car i was like i got a bag of sand just there's moments because my dad wasn't really bothered and he was doing his own thing and my mum who'd been like the parent wasn't there i was just left to my own devices in these things i lost my driving license after two years because I didn't just, this was also part of the reason I sold the car. You, when you pass your test, this is so thick. I can't believe I've never said this. You pass your test, you've got two years to send the form in to get your proper driving license. I didn't send it in for two years. And I got to like two weeks till the

cutoff point, sent it in. and in that time, they changed the form because two years had gone by. I sent the wrong form, and they sent it back going, that's the wrong form, and my two years was up. So I lost my driving license just through not sending off the application. Test again. I had to do a driving test at 23 years old, 17, and again at 23 years old. I've passed my driving test first time twice

fucking idiot like idiot and so you know when you we're all like oh dan's quite organized like i do the admin don't i and i know i've just said me and finn were talking about i feel like sometimes i'm like the fucking like the the mum of the pod going you need to do this could you do that i do all the admin stuff he's captain big ideas carl's production and finn's a rock captain big ideas that's going on a t-shirt but but part of it is because i've had to learn the hard way like as i'm sure it's been similar for some of us because we've i reckon i will get there because i'm getting like like those points on your license yeah shout out to i don't know whether he wants to be named we'll just call him paul paul who's boxed me off with a little bit of a free legal

service there but that's the same thing of going ah do it i'll get i'll get around to it and i i had to learn the hard way so many that was the big one when i lost my driving license even at 19 i had this moment where I was like, I was so ashamed. I didn't tell anyone. I didn't tell my dad. I pretended I had a license for ages because I was like, this is so humiliating.

Because everyone would be like, what the fuck were you thinking? And in my head, I was like, but like, my mum wasn't here to tell me, basically. And then I had to go to a court in, I think it was Sale. And I had to stand there, turn up, had to go to a court in uh i think it was sale and i had to stand there turn up to basically sit in a court to get called and then they were like so you've you've not paid tax on this car and i because i was reasonably well presentable and articulate i just sort of

went i'm just gonna play the moron i was like i sold it and i didn't i didn't know you had to do any forms and I'm really sorry but I just sold it and you could tell they all went, oh, he's a fucking moron. All right,

that was it. I played the moron and dead mum card and I've been scored twice. So the, the first time, I'll tell you about in a minute, the second time was

I owed Vodafone something like two and a half grand. Right? It's, half grand right it's it's it's Ron and Anne all over again and it hit the pornography

no what had happened was right I had a contract with Vodafone and this is such a fucking cunt trick right this was

I was about 20 years old I think and so my contract contract was unlimited data, but it actually wasn't. That's just what they sold it as.

It was actually 30 gig. Now, because I was constantly on the internet for work, and at the time, we had no internet in the house. Two seconds. Two seconds. Two gig. 40 gig! Two gig.

So me bill come through one month, and it was like 300 quid for the month and I was like how old are you at this point like 20 odd 20 odd and I was like

I rang them I was like what's this they were like oh you've gone over your data I was like it's unlimited they were like yeah we say that but it's not I was like well that's not

fucking my fault is it you've told me I've got unlimited data so I've used an unlimited amount of data and they were like yeah it doesn't work like that and I was like

well it should and I'm not paying it and they were like well we'll it doesn't work like that. And I was like, well, it should, and I'm not paying it. And they were like, well, we'll just chase you forever. And I was like, well, fucking chase me forever then. Adam Rose, really budget version

of catch me if you can, is him just running off from Vodafone. You're right though, that is fucking bullshit. Disgusting. So then, after like a couple of months,

they turned me phone off and then they cancelled the rest of the contract, which they had like a year on. And that on top of like interest and fees and whatever it was like two and a half grand jesus and in that period of time i had some family issues where i moved out of my dad's house went to live with my auntie then ended up living in chester for a bit with danny and then i got some mail and it was you've got to be in court or i think by this point maybe i'd moved in with my ex and we were in the flat and i got a letter and they were like you got to go to court for whatever

and i turned up in my suit and the woman who was there on behalf of the now debt collection company that vodafone had sold the debt to and by the way the fact you can sell debt is disgusting and should be illegal and needs to stop immediately because it's just fucking horrendous and they can hike their prices up as they fucking choose oh Oh, we sent you a letter and you ignored it, so that's another 200 quid, because these letters cost so much money to print. Fuck off. So the woman was a slimy little cunt.

She was like, yeah, should we just have a little quick chat before we go in? And being a bit naive, I was like, yeah, sure. She was like, so just tell me sort of why you didn't pay it. And she was trying to get my whole argument off me before we went in front of a judge. And the second we sat in front of a judge she become fucking the good wife she was like i know what i'm fucking doing like annalise keaton from how to get away with murder she was all smiling yeah we're all friends aren't

we we can sort this out and then in there she was like he hasn't paid it this this this and this and they went why didn't you pay it i went well, well, over the past couple of years, I had a really bad time. My mum, she died. And then I had a lot of family issues with my dad. My dad becomes seriously unwell. As a result of that, I had to move out the house. I wasn't getting me mail because my dad wasn't always in the house. And when he was, he was putting it in a pile,

not telling me it was there. And I didn't get any of it. And she was like, with all due respect, Your Honour, that's not our problem. And this, this, this, and this. And the judge just went, his mum's died. He's had some really horrible issues. The last thing he's worried about is paying his phone bill.

And I went, and also the phone bill in the first place was only meant to be like £35 a month, and I was supposed to have unlimited data. The reason this all happened was because the word unlimited was used in the contract, and it was actually capped at 30 gig a month. And, like, I didn't know that. So I used like 60 gig a month. That cost me like 300 quid. And then they canceled my contract.

And she was like, what was your, the original price of one month contract? And I was like 36, I had it written down 36.95 or something. And she went, uh, yeah,

so I'm going to reduce the total amount due to 36 pound 95. And that's the case closed. And she went, uh, this is for you, your honor. Fucking ledge. But you should have read the terms and conditions.

No one reads the terms and conditions! They could literally write in the iTunes update, we're going to take all your children. I'd be like, yep, I agree to that shit. Because I have never read them and never will. The first time I went to court was because my cousin fell off a bus no my cousin

who came and sat in yeah yeah when we were young he fell off a bus he sat down as well did you push him off a bus I am not the only one

that is in the head thinking did Adam push him off that bus you're stopped so we were about me and him must have been like 13 I am not the only one that is in the head thinking, did Adam push him off that bus? Yo, stop, dickhead. Bow, bow. So we were about, me and him must have been like 13

and I think our Jack was like nine because he's about four years younger than us. Thanks. Thanks. I know how years work. Hang on, hang on. Hang on. Nine and 13.

Hang on, we're not good with numbers. That's it. It's nine. Is that how numbers work? Nine to 13, yeah. Nice one, carry on. You're welcome. I'm here to help mathematically.

Good at school. He did well good at school he did well at school he did well at school won a chess competition on his own I'd like some heroin now any heroin I'll do heroin go on

so we went to get on the bus and we all had a chippy right yeah this is not even a lie either because I know it's true but and the bus driver went no you shall not pass because he was a medieval bus driver you knaves be guns from my bus he said you shall not pass the threshold of the arriva 10A from Dovecot to Mordor.

You shall not. What? You shall not with food. He gave up on the rest of it. With food. You shall not bath with your scram, you know, with your gravel. He was being a fucking dickhead, right? So we went, can we... Can we just put it in the bin then?

Because we wanted to get to... I think we were trying to catch like a film at the cinema. Oh, it's hard, isn't it? When you're like, chips or transport. Yeah. So can we just put it in the bin and he went yeah go on so me and our jack stayed on the bus we gave all the food to our the bin was literally like three yards away gave all the food to our danny who went and

put it in the bin and then the bus driver tried to drive off with our danny not on the bus so we all went like we mean jack what are you doing miss he's getting on and then Danny not on the bus so we all went like me and Jack what are you doing mate he's getting on and then the people on the bus was like

stop being an arsehole they're all together so we stopped the bus opened the doors and the second our Danny got one foot on the bus the bus driver

just drove off he literally could have killed him literally like he very very very nearly went under the wheel could have gone

under a wheel fucking hell he badly badly sprained both his ankle and his knee because like by spinning off the bus he'd land on his ankle

twisted it and then that twisted his knee erm he was like on crutches for a while and then about a year and a half later we went to court

and we're sat there me as our Danny's witness our Danny as the is the plaintiff the plaintiff yeah and plaintiff, yeah. And there was another just old woman sitting next to us,

and we were just like, she just kept making conversation with us, and we were like, she's a bit keen. And then we realised after a while, because she went, you don't remember me, do you? And we were like, no. She was like, I'm your witness. I was on the bus. So she'd come to be our thing, and then this lawyer...

I've got nothing better to do. Fight the power. This lawyer come in. Now, do you know when you watch a TV programme? You know the lawyer who's been through six divorces and he's got eight different children and he doesn't see any of them and they all hate him and his dog stinks and...

It's Lionel Hutz from The Simpsons, isn't it? Yeah, Lionel Hutz. Yeah, right. He comes in and he's like, I'm your lawyer and we were like are you here have you got any toothpaste

and he's like right I'm gonna have a quick look over the facts of the case and then I think we're in in half an hour and we're like you're gonna have

a quick look a year and a half we've been waiting for this you're gonna have a quick look and he's like yeah and I think he went

straight to the bathroom like with his bag and then he come back out and he's like right I'm gonna go and have a word with you and then he come back out and he's like I'm going to have a word with you and then he come like we were there for about an hour and a half and then we had this really young he had like an assistant who was

quite clearly going to be a much better lawyer than this guy one day he was a really young very very very camp spiky haired with like a purple suit like hi guys I'm here to help and you know I'm with johnny and like he he's my boss but i'll get you a cup of tea do you want a tea do you want a glass of coke

do you want like he was just that like he was the the pa he sound like he sounds like every assistant producer i've ever been involved in tv sit like do you want something do you want something you're in the dressing room yeah him right so he's like So he's like, yeah. And I'm like, meh, meh, meh. Like, he's there. And then he went into the room, and he come out, and he was like, we've already lost. And we were like, what? He goes, yeah, yeah, the case is not strong enough.

And, you know, we couldn't get the CCTV from the bus. So just go home. It's over. We just went home. Never even got into the courtroom. Even with a witness? even with a witness even with a witness well that feels like a major miscarriage

of justice there doesn't it it does and if anyone wants to sort of bring that case back up do you know what I mean because I know that

cold case falling off the bus cold case people look at like old murder cases and stuff don't they do they look at old teenager falls off a bus cases yeah I know old murder cases and stuff, don't they? Do they look at old teenager

falls off a bus cases? Yeah. I know there's some lawyers who watch this. I know Indie Clone sends us a lot of stuff, but... If you want to help us

sue Arriva, then... Us. Help us sue Arriva. Why don't we start Hathaway Law? Yeah. I'm a qualified...

Oh my God! I never even thought about it! I'm a qualified person in London, you know? And I'm a referee. my god I never even thought about it I'm a qualified Personal engineer now And I'm a referee And you're a referee And a minister Yeah I can do everything

You can bless the church Tell everyone When they're going wrong You can be the judge I could be the judge A referee is basically a judge Bless the church What is going on

Yeah it is So you're the lawyer He's a minister I'm the judge You're the judge You're the lawyer. He's a minister. No, I'm the judge. You're the judge. You're the lawyer. Yeah. So if anyone wants anything

clearing up legally... And you'll get to wear a wig? Nice. Not sure. That's a horse hair wig. How are we? What's his role in the court? Do you know they only wear wigs in the Old Bailey, don't they?

Is that basically... It's a horse hair. Do they wear wigs at every court? You don't wear it in the magistrates, no? No. That'd be weird, wouldn't it? Do they have to wear the ones that you always see them in? Are they just trying to conform?

Just fucking reduce it to £36.95, you robbing cunts. Next. I've sat and watched The Murder Trial. Have you? Yeah. On Netflix? No, in Liverpool Ground Court. Went and watched it?

Yeah. Did you get a ticket? Did you know someone? No, I knew the case. He was in The Away End. The Away End. The murderer. He never did it.

I was actually sat with the victims. was sat with the victims uh he was a bouncer and he got stabbed and i was sat in the um what's it called gallery gallery and i'm sitting next to clearly four bouncers and i'm sitting there taking notes because we're not doing journalism and they were looking at me like who the fuck's's this kid? I was like, shit, I went to the toilet and four of them came in. I was like, oh fuck, I'm standing here,

these vinyl, I just don't even feel someone come in. They went, what are you doing here? And I went to, oh, I'm doing a journalism thing, I just need to come and sit in on a trial

and be like, oh yeah, lad, well then you're doing something, I was like, fucking hell, thank the fuck for that. Were you actually making notes

or were you just like, drawing those S's and cubes and that? I was just drawing, I was just, a full page fuck for that were you actually making notes or were you just like drawing those S's and cubes and that I was just a full page of S's and dicks so the bouncer got stabbed and died

yeah and the guy got found guilty no it was so when I was there it was the I can't think of any fucking words today the

the decision what's that called the verdict the verdict yeah are you alright no it was the day of the verdict where to they? The decision? What's that called? The verdict? The verdict. Yeah. Are you alright? No.

It was the day of the verdict, so they'd done, like, the closing arguments, and then they went and deliberated, and they came back, and it was a, not a mistrial, but, like, they couldn't,

so we'd have to carry on, so I missed the, I missed the actual verdict. They got far enough guilty, though. Did they? Eventually? Yeah. Was there,

was there anything like TV courtroom dramas? In terms of like ceremony, yeah. Like All Rise, when the fella comes in. Yeah. Big fella, you've got to stand up and fucking... The big fella. The big fella, yeah. A lot of the courtroom stuff we've seen...

Presiding today, big fella, John Watson. A lot of it's American that we've seen isn't it like a lot of courtroom drama that we've seen but also in America

you can you can record yeah you can film you can video that's why in the do you ever see on the news

the drawings they have to leave the premises to do that because it's class that's taking a record of the court so they have to leave

and remember what they saw and then draw it can you pop back in do you know what I mean can you like draw it and then like get to the air and be like is it black or blonde

and then run back and go hang on you'd be a fucking nightmare at that there was like a trial of four white lads and you'd be like one was Asian

one was black one was Chinese sort of don't see race don't see college but anyone can go and sit as long as like you're speaking to them can you draw it can you anyone can go and sit as long as you're straight to the...

Can you draw it... Can you say and draw it abstract? You say you're drawing something else? Yeah. Like cubism. Can you do it as like a cubist court? High mouth.

Fucking ear. He's an ugly cunt. Can you do a Picasso of the court? Like melting clocks and stuff. Like... Does this look anything like this court to you? No. Exactly.

Abstract. Fuck fuck off your honour but I went to the college did that gonna go with you're not gonna get away with that no you can't even have a bottle of water

would you you know we've been talking about doing can't have a bottle of water it's against human rights I'm gonna have a way with this you know

Ali McNeil's really coming through with your knowledge of the law that's against human rights to not have water for the first thing in the European Convention of Human Rights. It says you've got to have a bottle of water.

You sit there in silence. You'll be all going, and fucking crackling your bottle and all that shit. Can you not join in? Like, if they're obviously lying, you'll be like, shat and shit.

Yeah, but then the judge would be like, hey, I don't come to where you work and slap the dicks out of your mouth. Where did you learn to whisper? In a helicopter? Order. Order.

Everyone, everyone, one, two, three, shut the fuck up. Imagine if judges were like, can we be a cheer if you've been before?

Yeah, you should recognize me, you know that? It's my fourth murder. Bit of banter. Well, yeah, I don't go. I'd like you to go and sit on a funny one, like a little shit one. Like a driving offense. Yeah.

I mean, the murder was heavy. Like I had to sit there in silence and be a good boy. Does anyone else feel like we've peaked in terms of the funnies of this bit? I feel like there's no way we're going to top that. So he died? He died. And he got away with it?

No, no. He died. It was self-defense. So he died. Self-defense? And he went on to kill again. A self-defense stabbing. So what happened was, he was playing the big...

This is all on Google. I can't remember his name. He was playing the big man in front of these bouncers with his missus and one of the bouncers slapped him. Yeah. And he was obviously, his ego was hurt,

he was like, he's fronting these bouncers and apparently he hits one. So five bouncers chased him down the road into a car park and he had a knife on him and he turned round

because when he was cornered to go like, get away and like, done that with a knife and they like, cut like an artery and like done that with a knife and they like cut like an artery and the fella bled out and died yeah i as as much as that could be uh argued that it's a self-defense stabbing i think anyone who takes a knife on a night out yeah of course

that that's no he was going for involuntary manslaughter there's no self-defense knives as far as i'm concerned it's just a construct no was going for involuntary manslaughter. There's no self-defense knives, as far as I'm concerned. It's just a construct. No, his argument was involuntary manslaughter, not murder. You were right. One, two, three, shut up. Did he have any kids? Who's drinking?

That's not allowed. Get out the courtroom. Did the bouncer have any kids? No. They don't have a dad now. His family probably miss him. Who's the sponsor? Have we got a knife company to sponsor?

I think we should put the merch in here, because I think many of our sponsors would... Yeah, Manscaped can't go in here. Oh, yeah, call them money. I can't see. She's much better let's call a break and we'll have a little snacky snacks and

this is for all the dead bouncers yep what's happening guys ooh look at your outfit shocking you look horrible in that that's a shitty shirt jumper dress thing whatever that is you've got on

what you need lad is a fucking t-shirt or a hoodie from haveawaredpod.com you want some official haveawared merch go to haveawaredpod.com and get some then

instead of wearing that fucking shite you've got on it's horrible you look a joke don't be leaving the house like that you want a hoodie

that says rat that's what you need lad go and get it haveawaredpod.com rolling in the deep you had my heart and soul in your hair how much of this can you get this in i don't know how the bow works how much is it is the is the bowel basically like it winds and winds winds and then there's like the holding room before you're like out the shoe it's like one big pipe up to your neck isn't it what if you go far enough up your bum hole you come out your mouth yeah it works it way it works what i'm saying is it works it's way round a little bit

it's like a mile long if you stick that when when do you if that goes up when do you hit the first left turn oh i see what you mean i mean i think oh adam thinks it's just one slide yeah yeah yeah yeah cheese on toast out it goes do you know what i've always thought isn't it mad that your body knows how to make poo yeah to be fair that is a valid

valid point do you know what I mean you put anything in here and your body goes right we'll have that bit over there we'll put that over there he needs that because he's playing footy later

the rest of it turning into that brown shite and out the back door my body is not your Uncle Terry do what I think is bad get that in Get that in. Get that in.

He's playing footy. Big wank later. Make some extra jizz. Out the shake goes. Are we keeping this? Tez! Are we keeping this? Get the fuck out.

Get that in the fucking bowl. I think it's mad. You split speed. I think you've got poo in your body now. Johnny Pelham's got a brilliant line about that. When he was young, he was obsessed. He was like obsessed he was like isn't it weird

that we're just sat here and you know we're just like three inches from a poo just sat there with a girl going god you're

I'm like this close to your poo right now it is a weird thing to think your body's just got poo in it you're full of poo yeah

but how does it work though do you know what I mean like and it's a good it's like the miracle of life inn? Like, and it's a good, it's like the miracle of life, isn't it? Yeah, it turns,

it turns a cheese butty into poo. Yeah. And it turns a bacon omelette into poo. And it turns, fucking bacon omelette. And a bacon omelette. Adam again. Just go,

don't worry lads, I need another example. I'll go into my brain anyone thinking bacon omelette no one in the world did you have a bacon omelette last night no

oh you were planning on having one weren't you no it's because what happened there was you said cheese buddy

and I went bacon don't say buddy omelette no but it turns like it turns steak into poo it turns crisp

into poo it turns crisp into poo stop saying food and poo don't we can't do this for ages

it turns into yeah but it turns like you're gonna do it again ice cream no but lad

how does it turn ice cream and steak into the same thing yeah do you know what I mean it turns it into the same thing Yeah Do you know what I mean It turns it into the same thing And it's a good job it does Is it just like a fucking

Like a big recycling centre With just your body Just like as it comes through Going Good Good Shit Good

Sweet Shit Down the chute That's good Energy Good fats Got a bit of good fats here protein

lad got some protein put it in the protein bin shite hey and while you're there John bit of old blood nice one

there's your teaser trailer it's mad that we have solid poos but you have big wet watery poos as well because I drink so much fluids got some questions in

got some questions in I'd love to know, by the way, if there's any biologists who listen to this. If you can tell me. There's loads. There is at least one. There's a doctor on Twitter. Yeah. If you can tell me why. He's probably killed someone though, hasn't he? The lady? Shit. Oh, yeah.

There's a lady doctor on Twitter. They're not all just fucking cleaners and maids these days, Dan. Someone's letting them at their fucking lungs now, kid. Letting them at their lungs. Doctors are all about lungs. It's module two. What kind of doctor you are?

I'm a lung doctor. I've hurt my leg. Has it got a lung in it? No, I'm not fucking interested. I feel like a lung doctor would know that legs don't have lungs in them. Yeah. Yeah. It's because you've got asthma that you've... Two little lungs in your legs.

Them legs got lungs in them. You got two little lungs. Are they two little lungs? Sorry, all women. Ever. They can be doctors now, apparently. That's all he's saying. Yeah, I know.

That's the joke I was trying to make and then he's just smashed his fucking dick into it I'm all for it I'm all for it Yeah Yeah What can't he be though? Err

Penis model Yeah You He can't no You pig What? He probably can't no He actually can

Pig A female can't But a woman can Yeah A woman can have a dick Female can't Biology Got some questions in With Adam Rowe Got some questions in A woman can have a dick. A female can't. Got some questions in.

Got some questions in. Do you want to keep going on this one or tread in on the old? Do you want to do that? Are you happy? You all good? I'm really happy. I'd rather see a woman doctor. With a dick?

I don't care. I just think everyone should be equal. I think any doctor with the dick once you've seen the dick it's a problem that is a that's a big thing you know yeah yeah if you ever know for sure that your doctor's gonna do if you if you go and see your doctor no and you can see their dick doesn't matter if they are man woman you know but there is one scenario in which you would say nope yeah

you could get yours out and he'd be like that shouldn't be there so he'd be like what I'll show you mine yeah it's none of mine

Martin he did that look at that that's what's mental I'd trust my doctor a lot more if he was like I found a lump here and I'd be like

some people have a lumpy bum hole and he's like I have a fill of mine yeah no lumps on my bum hole yeah a lumpy bum hole and he's like I've a fail of mine yeah no lumps on my bum hole yeah a lumpy bum hole when a nurse walks in

and patient and doctor are both bending over showing each other their arseholes like they've just scored the goal should have knocked that's a little reference

for Patreons only there oh what the fuck's a lumpy bum hole what do you mean how do you have a lumpy bum hole? What do you mean? How do you have a lumpy bum hole? Like a bum hole with lumps on. Like Braille.

How'd you get that? That's not good, is it? It's not good, which is why my doctor was going, look, none on mine. Yeah. Unhealthy bum hole equals lumpy bum hole. It's almost like they should have used the internet and pulled up a picture of a non-lumpy bum hole

rather than got their own bum hole out. Do you know what? I could, you know what? I'll show you mine. Two seconds, Adam. Sandra! The internet's down! Two seconds.

Two seconds. Uses himself as like a bon-homme instead of a bumhole. Just drops his scrubs. Or her scrubs. Yeah. Don't wear scrubs as well as dogs. Dogs have changed. Or suits. Some dogs wear suits. I suppose we're talking about GPs. They're not in scrubs Yeah Don't wear scrubs as well Dogs have changed Or suits

Some dogs have changed suits I suppose we're talking about GPs They're not in scrubs are they Oh my GP's bum I'll be horrible Okay Yeah Have you got AGP

You ever got the same Sounds like a disease doesn't it AGP A gigantic penis Yes I have Sorry I thought gigantic penis. Yes, I have. Sorry. I thought that was a fair effort.

You never had Dr. Pramnick, did you, the man? Very briefly, I did, yeah. And now we've got his daughter. You're right! I think he touched it. It sounded like he was going to cry that time. Very briefly.

He's not dead by the way He moved fucking Jeepies And his daughter swore once You might feel like shit For the next couple of days It's absolutely fine I think the world would be a much better place

If professionals were just a lot If it wasn't a faux pas To just speak freely if your doctor just had the option to go your knees fuck lad you need surgery like that would be a lot better than uh

yeah because it's human isn't it it's humanising it so I went I went don't worry about it you spoke like and I don't it's fine you're sure it's like

yeah because you have some nans going oh you can't swear at me yeah you got to play the room you can't just swear in front of an old lady like hey you cunt traps are fucked you're fucked

you're dead old you're dead fucked got about two fucking years at best stop crying you daft old cunt alright see you later go ahead

get on me get on me get on me Get on me In my doctor's head Can you imagine if you ran the doctor Get on me lad Doctor I've got a lumpy bummer Oh that's a fucking nightmare that That's alright cunt

Alright go ahead Is it like this one man And that's when And that's when I joined Booper We've got his daughters now who run the practice. Still his practice, but they're the main... Two doctors. You're making West Derby sound like a small village in a rural county.

Like, yeah, yeah, we've got doctors. That is West Derby village. We do live in the village. No, you're a suburb of Liverpool. Yeah, but it's called the village. Yeah, I know, I know. I know it used to be a village 400 years ago, but it's defo not a village anymore.

The idea of, like, Dr Pramik, like, he's been here generations. The Pramiks have been here. Pramanik. Pramanik, yeah. They've been here hundreds of years. They're just daughter to son to daughter. That's really nice. I'm just at a GP's

and you just get who you get I went normal not that I've been for a while but I know where they are and how's your bum hole not lumpy lump free

I've seen someone else good for you how do you know it's not lumpy if you haven't been for a while he's in remission you need to go and get your bum hole lumps checked at least once a year Finn

come on mate I don't even know where to start there what's the question no I was just I was just seeing if you wanted to do you have a lumpy bum hole no I wanted to see

if you wanted to check calls no that's what friends are for no he just shows me his and I compare he doesn't feel mine that's right exclusively on Patreon

do you know if I found a lump on my bum hole but I was scared to go to the doctor would you look at it for me I mean this is one of our favourite sketches ever

isn't it yeah obviously yeah I've got fucking what is it piles what is it is it two pints two pints Look at it for me. I mean, this is one of our favourite sketches ever, isn't it? Yeah. Obviously. Yeah. I've got fucking... What is it, piles? What is it? Is it two pints?

Two pints. Is it piles? If I asked you, if I was here crying, so you could have all day. No. No, listen, come on. Let me set it up. No.

So Laura's gone. Ah. What? I'm gone? Why do I have to... What? Why the fuck do I have to be single to check your arsehole? Where's she gone?

No, Laura needs to be here. I need to be still married in a really loving... No, Laura's gone. No, she's gone. Where's she gone? Laura's gone. No, she's not. She has.

She's still here. No, she hasn't. I need her. Well, then I can't look at your bumhole. Because if I see into the eye of fucking Sauron, I need to go home to my wife, and I need her to hold me as I weep. No, Lorda's gone.

Moves to the Middle East. Sought the kids with her. She's a sheikh now. She's coming to money. That's not how the Middle East works. What do you mean? They're not famous for letting women be sheikhs. No, so they've passed a new law.

Cool. That women can be sheikhs. Women can't even be doctors over there yet. Shake that booty. law. Cool. That women can be shakes. Women can't even be doctors over there yet. Shake that boozy. Yeah. Mate. Fuck it, Al. He's bringing out an album.

I mean, that was a purposeful... I know, Carl. You've got to accept the banter better than... Shake that boozy. Right? It turns out... You're laughing laughing aren't you yeah

because it's so ridiculous one of the sheiks in you're laughing aren't you one of the sheiks in the middle east has died right

and they've gone right who's next in line but he never married he's got no kids yeah yeah all his other relatives are dead

salt and cheek so they went to a 35 year old woman from the east midlands it turns out yeah weirdly she's his closest relative right right cool yeah so they've gone right you can be the new sheikh yeah and you've gone

do you know what i really don't agree with the human rights atrocities of this country i'm not gonna name the country um one of the abu dhabi dbds maybe okay not a country but okay over there I'm not going Saudi Qatar yeah yeah Qatari Arabia yeah yeah yeah so

Abu Saudi I'm not going right and Laura's like well I'm not I'm gonna go because like there's literally

billions over there I'm gonna buy Nottingham Forest and make them a European giant in a few years you think if Laura was the heir to a billion pounds of oil money,

I'd be like, human rights is disgusting. How much is it? 3.8 billion. What? Pounds? No, US dollars. Well, fuck off then. Disgusting.

People have died building stadiums in Qatar. She's over there. She's gone. She's gone. Kids have gone as well They're too little She now owns Nottingham Forest She signed them BAPE The kids are Arabs now

They're too little Arabs They're too little Arabs Aren't they Kids Right That's not how that works Too little Arabs They're too little Arabs

Yeah Right I felt so wrong I'm not even talking as a parent Too little Arabs Yeah So she's gone Laura's gone over there

right you just to clear it up yeah is she she's gone gone Laura's gone

right and you come in here one day and I'm there crying with my mole out so hang on I walk in in what position I'm just sat down

so you're here first with no person that's the first shock you position? I'm just sat down. So you're here first. With no pants on. That's the first shock. You've got your bum all out. In what position? That's what I mean. Hang on. Jeans completely off. No, they're around my ankles. And you're what, on your side?

No, I'm sat down. That's not out. Just like, leafing me dick. I'm just like, like, I'm covering me dick. No, your bum hole isn't out then. My bum hole's not out Just like leafing me dick I'm just like Like Like I'm covering me dick No your bum hole isn't out then Well my bum hole's not out But I've got no pants on Right And you're like

Bare cheek against red couch Yeah Right And you're like What are you doing Adam And I'm like Fucking fire the lump on me bum hole And you're like

I'd walk in and say In that tone What are you doing Adam That doesn't ring true does it I walk in and say, in that tone, what are you doing, Adam? That doesn't ring true, does it? I walk in, see you leafing your dick, your pants around your ankle,

and I go, just matter of fact, like, what are you doing, Adam? You know what I mean? I'm sat there. Go ahead. You tell me what you're doing.

So I'm sat there. Imagine I'm pants around my ankles. Just crying. What would you do? I'd be like sat there. Imagine Pansy on my clothes. I'm just crying. What would you do? I'd be like, have you found a lump on your bum hole? I'm like, how did you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got a lumpy bum hole, didn't you mate? I'd be like, listen, I'm terrified of doctors and that, you know, my health anxiety is bad.

Will you just, get that magnifying glass out of there and have a look at my bum hole for me? I'm going straight to magnifying glass. Have you got one? Mate. Have you got a magnifying glass. Have we got one? Mate. Have we got a magnifying glass? Have we got a magnifying glass?

You just nodded like, you know, in the magnifying glass cabinet. Get that magnifying glass out of there. There's a cupboard behind Finn with loads of tech stuff in it. Adam's head is like, got a magnifying glass in me.

Pretty sure it came with the studio. Yeah. Did you go, did you go, could you imagine if you just went bumhole in the air would I

check your bumhole with a magnifying glass right so like you're not going to get home and be like have you been looking for bumholes again

if Laura was still there I wouldn't do this because I was married but I'm single now oh no he parted for you yeah I parted for you oh I don't have to touch anything no i just have to get the magnifying glass you'd smell it and you'd feel the heat as well but i'll baby wipe it before you go down there you just feel love the warm where would you you know i'd be more

worried about where you'd put the baby wipes just in the corner adam i i respect you I love working with you This podcast means a lot to me I cannot go near your lumpy bumhole I've promised not to fart in your face Oh dear Oh dear sir Promise Pinky promise

Where's that finger been? Checking for lumps Imagine if you did Disrespect Oh Ah Ah me fingers crossed No Pinky promise. Where's that finger been? Checking for lungs. Imagine if you did. There's respect. Ah, me fingers crossed. No, imagine if you farted in his face as he was opening your mouth. Yeah, I had my fingers crossed. So I can.

He'd have to go. How many doctors have had their face farted on? Finn. Can you pull that up? Pull that up, Jamie. No one's ever asked that question on the internet. That's mad. The shit that's on the internet,

you've just broken your ground. Definitely. But if you are a doctor, if you are a, you know, a qualified medical doctor, not like, oh, I've got a degree in theology.

Fuck off. We can, I just feel like the, there must be a bit of queefing going on. There's, like, bumhole doctors get farsen all the time. Proctologists. Yeah. He said that like that was so common knowledge. Well, if you get a rectal examination, the old-fashioned way,

think of England. You have to take laxatives, don't you, the day before to clear everything out. And then they, what's it called? Finger. What? No, an enema is when you clear it out. A rectal examination.

There's a camera up the bum, I can't remember what it's called. Oh, an endoscopy. Yes, Carl, an endoscopy uh yes carl an endoscopy how could you not think of like when we were doing court cases before you're like i can't think of no words the guy in the wig and the people in the building and they say bad or good what about uh anal examination endoscopy you mean dan do you mean endoscopy yeah I do thanks Carl

who's definitely had a coffee in the break that must be there must be a bit like right camera's about to go in

happens all the time that's not your fault Jesus Christ why couldn't he hold it because you've had laxatives are you telling me

you could hold a fart if I was shoving a camera up your ass I don't know Are you telling me you could hold a fart if I was shoving a camera up your ass? I don't know. You're telling me. But we'll find out. We'll find out on this month's Patreon exclusive.

You're telling me if I had a fucking broom with a GoPro on the end of it and I was shoving it up your ass, you'd be able to be like, I'll hold that in for a bit. I'm going to be honest with you. Out of respect I'd probably be running away

a broom with a GoPro fucking taped up alright Dr. Terry's in the biggest asshole ever listen

I'm going to be honest with you Adam I got some bad news me lumpy arse or no lumpy arse those tiny cameras

are fucking pricey. They've been on Amazon. Absolute nightmare. Plus, we're not with Prime anymore. So what I've got is a GoPro, me brother's a scuba diver, and a fucking gaffer teacher onto this fucking broom. Don't worry.

Not wooden. No splinters. It's plastic. Up it goes. Breathe out. Woof! If I farted then, then yeah, that would be the weirdest thing happening in the room.

You've got an endoscopy coming in your future, haven't you? You, you, you... No offence, mate. I'm not the healthiest specimen, but... I might end up being the youngest straight man to get fingered. You know what I mean? No, I would have... We had to let that breathe. I would have we had to let that breathe

I would have good Adam spoke then because I would have let that hang for such a long time because like the whole thing of like do that

as a no context have a word but sometimes when you leave the gate you're like I hope they know who they are I

I've got some blood tests coming back on Friday blood tests about me by now he actually has okay did we talk about I've got some blood tests coming back on Friday. Blood tests about me, by the way. He actually has. Okay.

Did we talk about... We didn't, did we? No, we told it to the lads. We didn't. No, we didn't tell that on pod. You told it to the lads? Let's monetise it, guys. Yeah, let's monetise it. So, a couple of weeks ago...

It was when he was feeling dizzy, remember that day? Yeah, hang on. And I rang the doctors. No, this is definitely the wrong... Definitely the doctors. No, this is a sad story. Definitely the wrong music. Is it not a sad story? No. You're right.

I was sat there. All right. The reason I rang the doctor is because I keep feeling dizzy, right? Yeah. And he sat there and he just finished editing so he had his headphones off.

And you know what I'm like. If I get the giggles, I'm gone. I'm just gone. Right. get the giggles i'm gone i'm just gone right so the doctor went to me adam's gone i'm gone i'm gone you've turned into such a fucking woman today god and you could say that's a gamble at least i can become a doctor right oh that's a callback from before oh but um on your side. So the doctor goes to me, and he wasn't from round here. Okay.

Right? He spoke like this. Oh, I see. He did, though, didn't he? That's a really accurate impression of one man. That's exactly him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's hope it is.

Has blood been coming from anywhere? Like, from your body? And I started talking, and what in my head made sense but as i started saying it out loud were you with him at this point i was sat there i'm sat on the orange couch right so i went no and he goes to no blood in the stools and i went right there's not ever any blood in the toilet bowl but sometimes i have so many poos in a day that i wipe my ass too much and there's a bit of blood on the tissue because i'm overweight right a bloody bumhole i'm sat listen to this

enjoy your breakfast everyone so he starts crying laughing so then i'm literally i've got my phone about a yard away from my face. He's laughing like that, like you are. I can't breathe. And then I come back and I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. But none in the stools. And he's like, right. And then I knew.

Do you think that's real? Do you think you're wiping your arse so much that your arse is like, I know it's only tissue paper, but I'm falling to bits here. Yeah, you can over wipe. Yeah. Yeah. That's never happened to me. Not once in my entire life. I'm telling you it's a thing. Oh, I know.'s only tissue paper but I'm falling to bits here yeah you can overwrite yeah that's never happened to me not once in my entire life I'm telling you it's a thing

oh I know I believe you you told it to a doctor on the phone so the doctor goes what toilet paper are you using babes treat yourselves to some andrex we get a kiss yeah I thought he was doing a joke

I thought he was doing a I've never seen a joke I took my brain a minute to work out what was going on I was like what's the joke it's no joke and I just really honestly went lad you got a cashel it's not Andrix but it's not Farnham He'll be bullshitting so much

I'm literally trying to sift through What's he lying about Okay, Kishore Grab him Grab him So Because I'm now laughing And I'm then going, yeah. So he goes, when's it happening?

I was like, it's when I'm sitting down. I'm better when I'm stood up. And he was like, okay. And he starts telling me, but I, because I've got the giggles out, and he's staring at me. He's sat there staring at me and smiling, laughing. So I keep having to do this with the phone. And then I was like, he definitely knows I'm laughing laughing and now he thinks i'm going to be lying and i've just told a story about how i've overwhacked my bumhole to the point of bleeding

he's gonna think i'm taking the piss so i said to the doctor mate i'm really sorry i'm still at work and because this is quite a sensitive subject and we're talking about bumholes and that me mate sat there laughing and it's making me laugh so that's why I'm laughing. And I expected him to go, yes, no problem, so we'll just get you in for this. And he goes, your friend concealed!

That is hilarious! And that's what he's laughing about, Adam's bumhole. Mate, so many... To that judge from the first section To that doctor To all women doctors Any questions?

I just I just don't feel like we're going to top that It's too funny I just don't want to bring it down like Someone's sad about something Oh, fuck off Go on then Let's have a break and get Stephen

Triers on the couch for the third time one of our most requested guests and nobody's thinking

Cashel it's really funny Cashel all joking aside then I talk shit about nearly

everything but not Cashel a man's got to have all joking aside I talk shit about nearly everything but not Michelle a man's gotta have something what's happening guys it's Adam here and I'm here to tell you yet again that this podcast have a word is supported and brought to you by Manscaped the world's best male grooming products especially

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That could all be pod that was all good pod we just watched the glorious past it is getting to the point though innit where we can't have conversations

without being a car me and Carl were in the car talking about something and at half an hour conversation you know as you would with your best friend

and at the end of it we're like oh should have recorded that I just went that's pod shit that innit yeah oh god

Stephen's mic's not Stephen isn't on it I was going to say. Stephen! Yay! You're crazy! Press the button. I can't believe you muted our esteemed guest. Third time here.

I know, I was going to say hello there just to add a little bit. 3.0. Funny stuff I do. He knows what he's doing. Who else has been in three times? Freddie and Paul Smith. Paul Smith. Paul Smith, Freddie, that's it.

Yeah. There you go. It's an elite club Very elite white club White male club as well Welcome to it Yeah You're making assumptions On my skin colour there Dan

Am I? Cool Am I not allowed to assume that? Have things changed? I wonder if we'll ever get to that point Did you just assume my race? Did you just assume my race? That happens to you don't it?

People assume you're white But you're not You race? That happens to you, don't it? People assume you're white, but you're not. You're one of them. I'm one of them. What? He's half one of them, isn't he? We're dicing here, aren't we? One of them.

What do you mean? He's half Spanish. Exactly. They're not white, are they? Mate, you look more Spanish than he does. Yeah, I know. I am, oh!

Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know that. That's exactly the point I'm making, if anything. He's an Anglo-Saxon. Maybe a bit of Irish in there. A bit of Irish. My mum says we've got gypsy blood or something.

In the fridge? Is that Spanish? If you're in Malaga now Pissing yourself You flirt I know it's not often Usually the guests flirt with Carl Not the other way around So you've got gypsy blood

In your family Possibly yeah Yeah They get A lot of us are alcoholics So There's that too What your family or gypsies

Family You got a text Adam wow yeah yeah got a text it's Love Island isn't it it's his gypsy alert there's a car

he's got to suck off Steven for today's challenge what do we get what do we get for that what we get more viewers probably probably yeah

guessing so that's pod shit though isn't it really if you're going to suck each other off it's pod shit have you't it really if you're gonna suck each other off it's pod shit have you got

alcoholics in your family yeah here we go me and you yeah they're not watching

whose family do you reckon could win a piss up off a piss up off your family

probably okay cool moving on yeah but the numbers are down aren't they they've lost

the star player same here Suarez has left here Suarez has left Suarez has left Liverpool in here that makes me not for this season major

major problem I've actually brought gifts because I've seen people bring gifts oh no you haven't you brought us gifts did you bring Finn one as well no one ever brings Finn one

now that I know there's a bit of gypsy in there Finn I gave you a great review when you drove me when this is the hand of a man that owed me money there you go lads so of course

I've heard you speak famously of Cafe Patron so just enjoy that damn can we have one can we have one I thought you were

going to kick that right off the table you want it fuck you and then Dan you've had a little boy so got one for him.

Just enjoy that. One for him! Please give him one. I haven't forgotten about Etta. So this is a Peter Rabbit picture. Can we open it? Yeah, yeah. For the sake of the joke.

I feel like you should open it. The kids love this. He's framed a joke! That's about right it looks right oh my god how am I even though I've met Stephen several times

it was like oh she's gonna really love this when he said joke over she's gonna love this please give that to your daughter oh my god when he said Jogo she's gonna love this please give that to your daughter oh my god that's funny

please give that to Etta and film a reaction daddy it's giving me feelings this is we really appreciate do you want to do a round of applause

do you want to do the soundboard yeah and this is for the rabbit can I have a look at the cafe patron Do you want to do the soundboard? Yeah. And this is for the rabbit. Can I have a look at the Cafe Patron? It's probably safe, that rabbit. The mini one. Can we have a shot?

We can if you want. One shot and driving's fine. I want the gym as well. It'd be fantastic. That's the most like, one shot? One shot and then get in the car? You've got a little coffee cups.

Two little coffee cups there. Two little coffee cups. Would you like cups there. Two little coffee cups. Would you like one? Yeah, please, yeah. Yeah. Are we going to keep this? We should keep this. This should make the...

We should give that to Jack on his 18th birthday. Yep. On the anniversary of the podcast. Does it age well, Cavi Patron? Yeah, yeah. Does it like a wine? Yeah, yeah. Does Jack age well?

Yeah, does he make it to 18? Wow. Wow. Wow. Your own child. Is Adam babysitting at any point? I don't know. I feel I have been babysitting. I know you do.

I really do. Give you six weeks. I know we joke about it and stuff, but I feel like... You know what I mean? You ever done any babysitting? No, not officially. I used to babysit.

Not his. Volunteer at windowsills, you know. You're under a lot of pressure to get that open there. I felt for you a bit there. Be sensible now, come on. It's a driving shot, remember? A driving shot. I'm not driving.

It's driving can i have a beer as well and a beer yeah i'm not having this without a beer am i we're also we've also we've also got a bit of work to do after the podcast we're not like bashing this and be like nice one steven see you later thanks for the picture joke that's all i've got to to be honest. It's finished, that's it. Section one done. Yeah. We've all got bottle openers, famously.

Yeah. There you go, mate. Cheers. Strong start, this, isn't it, while we all bevel? For the audio listeners, we're pouring ourselves some booze.

Could you pass the time? For the audio listeners, I made a really funny joke about Peter Rabbit. Oh, shit, you heard me snorting. Oh, shit, you heard me. Oh, yeah, yeah. Stephen has given us a picture of a rabbit in a cage

with Peter written on it. But not like the traditional spelling of Peter, like the charity. The P-E-T-E-R. I bet the wordplay. Yeah. I think the people who listen on audio were so glad we explained that.

Yeah. They were like, oh, now I get it. Now I get the joke. Salute. Hey, cheers, everyone. Enjoy. Cheers, gents. Cooler Matata.

Oh, it's warm. It's like... I'm still in focus because I've just got to open the pack down. It's like I'm still in focus Because I've just got up And got back down It's like a really naughty Do you remember matchsticks Coffee matchsticks That your Your nan had had for Christmas

It's so delicious No she was an alcoholic She just had that Me and her On my first date with me missus We had Four shots of that each Within the space of about half an hour.

On the first date with my girlfriend, I ordered four shots of limoncello and she went, yeah, I'm not having that. So I just sat there drinking it. It was terrible. Over there, I think. Did you try and style it out? Four shots of limoncello, please.

I don't want that. Who offered you one? There's a throw up in my mouth. that um where where where did you go where did you go for your dates oh also how'd you just like go fuck it i'm not going to talk about it i'm just ordering the four lemon cello not even two not even like one each i'm like i'm so sure that this girl i'm on the first date with is going to go for limoncello i'll make sure she's got a second one as well. I was drunk. Right. Where were you? We were in Manchester.

We'd been to Be At One. It was on a Sunday, so it was dead. I told her I'd booked the place out. She loved that. And then we went to some bar that was open. That's a real risk, that. That no one else is coming in at any point. Just one more couple come in

and she's like Stephen do you want to tell them like you've got to like follow up like guys could you fuck off I know these

come join us Tony so then I went to whichever bar was open and then some guy

I went to the toilet. And then I came back and she went, oh, that old man over there was telling me to come join him at his table. I was going, oh, you shouldn't be with him. So I just ordered four shots of lemon chowder. That'll show him. My credit card works. And then she didn't drink it. And then I went to the toilet again.

He did it again, and at that point we left because I was intimidated. Why was that more awkward than when you went, my family are alcoholics? When we're like, yeah, that's funny.

We've dealt with that. Bad dates. Oh, you okay? When you say old, what do you mean older? Like Dan old or old? Older than Dan. All right.

He was... Older than Dan, but younger than... About 60. Some buildings? He was drinking on a Sunday evening. That's the sort of level he was at. All right. So were you.

Yeah, but I was on a date. He was sat with his probably intervention group. And he was hitting on her. And did it twice, even though he took the rejection how old was she at the time um 20 I can't drink limoncello

they won't serve me but I've got school tomorrow it's a Sunday Stephen I am I was talking to my missus on our first date and like for some reason

she was just like she told me her favourite shot was that coffee patrone I was like oh that's mine as well and she was like should we get some so I called the waiter

over and said can we have four coffee patrones thinking we'll have one now and in about 20 minutes we'll have the other one and she immediately went

cheers boom boom so I had to follow her up and she was like that's lovely that way we should get some more and I had to follow her up and she was like that's lovely that way we should get some more and I went we have four more

and she went oh no I meant in a bit but by then I'd ordered the other day so then too late your relationship is so fun and boozy

yeah it's so you play beer pong on a Saturday as soon as the restrictions ease you were like hey like your Instagram

made me so jealous this was back when when you had to eat to order booze you had to order food As soon as the restrictions eased, you were like, hey! Your Instagram made me so jealous. This was back when you had to eat to order booze. You had to order food. And we'd been to one place before the second place and got some dinner there. So we went to the second place and we were like, what do we have to order to be able to have alcohol? And they went, oh, you've got to get a pizza between yous and a side each.

So I was like, right, we'll have a pizza, onions and chips. Could you just put them on that table that you're not allowed to sit anyone on because of social distancing and leave this table empty for our drinks? And they were like, yeah. So then at the end, hammered, rotten drunk,

like, who are we going to leave now because this is so bad? I got the bill and she went to the fella, can I put that pizza in a box? And he was like, are you going to take it home? She was like, I'm going to give it to a homeless person. And neither of us remember leaving the building. So we don't know what happened to that pizza to this day.

Right. We don't know whether it got to a homeless person, whether we just threw it and started necking in the street or what happened. You got fucking pie-eyed on a first date. We did, yeah. But the fact that both of us did that

yeah you know set the tone it does yeah and we were both happy with it so mate I'd honestly rather that

than a you know when people are like we should meet for coffee in an afternoon you know like I know I understand speaking from a guy's perspective

maybe I don't get how fucking edgy it can get with some horrible creepy cunt who's like no I have more drinks but it still seems speaking from a guy's perspective, maybe I don't get how fucking edgy it can get with some horrible, creepy cunt who's like, no, I have more drinks.

But it still seems excessively dry, doesn't it? Like, when we go for our first date, let's meet at 245 at a Costa and have one latte,

check if you're a rapist and then I might see you again. I'll just check. I'll just check. Bend over. Just be like, he's on the phone to a mate, he hasn't put his dick in the

latte once yet i know i'm thinking we go for cocktails yeah how long have you been with your missus nearly three years nearly three years and how old are you 25 okay do you have many conquests before that i was a virgin before that i don't we've been through this i was a loser i was a fucking loser. Have you been on any, like, really awkward dates? Where you've just, like... Yeah. Because I feel like most dates should come with a bullshit belt

where, like, less than an hour in, you should be allowed to go, No! And just fuck off. Speed dating? Sort of, yeah. Yeah, except there isn't someone waiting for you. You just have to fuck off and leave.

Yeah, just be gone, peasant. That's why I'm saying the alcohol is massively important because with enough booze, nothing's as boring, is it? You can be like, you know what? I'm clearly not into this girl. But if you've had two coffee Patrons each, I bet you can have a bit of a laugh. You have to be a a laugh you have to be

a really dry fucking date to be like nah this is just going for another gonna get me warm bloody hell I'll be funny soon

there's loads of them that went right over his head you took it at the end he's like come on Stephen everyone's like after two three you're being a bit

quiet here get another one down here I've never had a first date I've never had a first date I have

I've had a few where did you go one I met on plenty of fish years ago that you know about you met it in Pop World a few years later when I bumped into it again. Vaguely.

You have to give me the... Oh, right. Oh, yeah. And I remember sending Carl pictures of this girl. I'm going out with this... Can you blank her name out when you do this, right? I'm going on a date with this girl. She's fit, isn't she?

She's like, yeah, she's nice. And on the days I text them and I was with this girl she's fit and she's like yeah she's nice and on the days I text him and I was like she isn't fit but I'm still gonna fuck her and I did and then

a few years later we bumped into her in Pop World and he was like who the fuck was that and I was like it was that girl and he was like Jesus Christ

she'd melted like yeah since yeah yeah my first date with Laura she came to see a gig that's high pressure isn't it

you talking about I mean it worked out pretty well your gig yeah she came I met her a few weeks before I went to the New Zealand comedy festival

you went to New Zealand on your first date yeah so I was like I'll see you in Auckland it was a long flight I'm not playing the travel because I like you

but I don't like Auckland like you. So she came to Hull because it was the Saturday before I went away. So she came. We went for drinks and everything. And it was like, oh, we're getting on. So where did you live at the time? So I lived in Preston. She lived in Nottingham.

We'd met a couple of weeks before where she came to a live show i did in preston we got on we swapped numbers we'd been chatting that was the first opportunity i'd got to see and the last opportunity before i went to new zealand for three weeks so i really wanted to see her because i really liked her but the only option the only time she was free i was gigging in hull do you remember the one at fruit in toby jones nice gig one of those gigs where you're like i don't mind taking you but it is hull so she drove up from nottingham like a fucking trooper got a hotel i got the premiere in and i was like basically like so we'll stay in the premiere in and it was just this if it had gone wrong it was gonna be

fucking awkward because we were in Hull. So in that two hours where we were having drinks, it had just gone horrifically awry and it wasn't working. Where the fuck was she staying? We were already bevvied up. And I had to take this girl who was like, I think he's the cunt. I will go and watch the gig.

It all went well. Did you? Yeah. Pop the black? Well, we went drinking with... Pop the black? Pop the black. I can't think of any. Pop the black well we went drinking with pot the black pot the black I didn't think of any euphemisms pot the black

like the finger in the ring is already the euphemism isn't it I just couldn't think of there's a pink ball in snooker did you did you kick the ball in the net

pot the brown did you stick your penis in your vagina did you have sexual intercourse twice twice same night or in the morning

yeah because you wanted your money's worth from the premier inn yeah yeah 63 quid Stephen in your vagina did you have sexual intercourse twice twice same night or in the morning yeah because you wanted your money's worth from the premier inn yeah yeah 63 quid Stephen for the first and last time we had sex twice in a night

well done really yeah no never since no it's twice a year yeah that was a lot of pressure because I got to the gig

I was like fuck I really like it the two hours of drinking had gone well then we got to the gig I was like this has really like it the two hours of drinking had gone well then we got to the gig I was like this has got to go well as well but I don't recommend that

already booking a hotel having a fucking gig it's way easier going should we go and get four limoncello at a bar like that is so much easier I think it's a miracle that any woman

went on a first date hundreds of miles from her house it's a whole year do you know what I mean I think most women for this yeah and went on a first date hundreds of miles from her house. That's nice. To Hull, yeah. Do you know what I mean? I think most women... For this. Yeah.

Like, if you were like, do you want to go on a date with me? And she's like, yeah. When are you free? Oh, well, I'm going to New Zealand next week because it sounds like bullshit. I'm going to New Zealand for a month. So, do you want to come to Hull next Friday?

What was the gap between entering the Premier Inn room and the snooker? Stop doing the fucking thing! The snooker the Premier Inn room and the snooker? Stop doing the fucking thing! The snooker? When did you start playing snooker? Do you ever have a stopwatch just around your neck? I was like, listen, Laura, Cal needs to know. We've just been drinking and doing a gig,

but if this is less than three minutes, it's fucking embarrassing. Chop, chop. On your marks, get set, go. Was it like the Fabled like You push into the room Together and you're kissing And you're undressing

Or did you just like Sit down and start Didn't happen to me Sit down and start What are you talking about The premiering stuff Me and my girlfriend Went to a premier

On the second date In Liverpool Because we were just In the city centre And she lives in the Wirral So it was like Nearby And then

She lives on the Wirral On the Wirral You can never be in the Wirral It's a peninsula she lives in the Wirral so it was like nearby and then she lives on the Wirral on the Wirral you can never be in the Wirral it's a peninsula you're on the Wirral fuck sorry guys do you want me to go

start again like a boss hi I'm Stephen Trice thanks for having me have a shot yeah so we we got to the

the Premier Inn and because it was about 3am they said how much is it and they said 220 quid and I was like oh fucking hell and because it was about 3am he said how much is it and he said 220 quid and I was like oh fucking hell and because it was the second day

I still had to impress her and I've made a lot of lies about my financial situation I booked this whole premiere in is Lenny in? oh I missed him it's any beer shagging dawn

for the last time we are divorced so anyway Oh, missed him. It's Eddie Beer. Shagging Dawn for the last time. We are divorced. So anyway. She's not dead. No, of course not. He's not a necrophiliac. So I got into the room.

Thanks. If he's watching anyway. Yeah, Adam's a trained lawyer, so don't worry about it. He knows the system. Thanks for alleging he's not a yeah Adam's a trained lawyer so don't worry about it he knows the he knows the system thanks for alleging he's not a necrophiliac just

just alleging he's not yeah yeah yeah you're suing that he is yeah just in case

allegedly he's not okay just in case Lenny Henry solicitors get in touch and they're like did you say that Lenny Henry wasn't a necrophiliac he's got a new five minute bit on this

so we got into the room and I shut the curtains not hers I love Stephen's pants it's amazing imagine if you did if she took her pants off and you went no Carol. It's amazing. Imagine if you did. If she took her pants off and you went,

no. Okay, no. No, no, thank you. Sorry. So I shut the curtains and the pole came down. Not the maid. That's too far and a bit racist anyway the curtain

bar came down and she was in the bathroom and she came out and I was just stood there against the wall

saying please help me slept in my jeans did she help no she's four foot something so she couldn't help did she help no she's four foot something so she couldn't help

so what happens to Cain I put it up myself yeah yeah I really felt like there was a joke that Stephen should have taken like

he did I put it up myself you set it up take it I knocked a saloon door off at Tinges the other day. Oh, I saw that, yeah. Yeah.

And I videoed myself coming through. And then I, whew. And then it fell here. Was it a fancy hotel? It was the Market Street Hotel in Edinburgh. And I just went to them, like, I fell. And I just opened it. And it fell.

And they went, oh, my God, it's very, very sorry. You did? French. Yeah. I think. Yeah. That was Scottish, wasn't it? Yeah, that's a good Scottish. and it fell and they went oh my god it's very very sorry French yeah I think yeah that was Scottish wasn't it yeah very very very Scottish

oh my god it's heaven and holy time have you got the have you got the Welsh place this weekend yes with no internet yeah

I'm going there tomorrow ooh no internet in Wales I've bought four power banks and I'm not even messing no internet in Wales I've bought four power banks and I'm not even messing with my phone

they arrived today I've got to text them and say my name how many days are you going for two you think you need two power banks

a day as well as the charge on your phone I think I'll probably need one a day and the other two are for me missus how long do they last

they charge your phone back up to 100% are you just how long do they last they charge your phone back up to 100% are you just going this or just go on your phone no but I needed to take pictures don't I yeah or else it didn't happen

fucking millennials I hope you don't I think it would be good if you came back of not using all of those I think it would look good if you were like didn't even need to

if you're scrapping around like the Welsh countryside like a smack head trying to find jurors it's gonna look like i just need it you're usb come on i've got a tiktok that's kicking off absolutely i knew i was going for but as if I didn't realise that it would get jumped on. That's not the right battery, you tit. What's that? Any batteries? I'm Adam Rowe, I'm a little horse. You're two little horses, damn it.

I'm the banter pony. Clip-clop. Fucking jaw to sell you, nonsense. I just felt my tits shake then as I did the little banter pony. Join the gym with me, Dan. I'm starting our gym tonight. Do you I did the little banter pony join the gym with me Dan I'm joining I'm starting our gym do you go to the gym?

do you work out? I've had a I've had a shot so I injured my shoulder playing badminton rough sport mate rough sport

any of your stories end without me feeling sad for you I'm a beta male let me get that across now cheers I've been in one vulva let's move on so uh i don't know where that is

it's the wearer of the woman the birkenhead is the clit oh no that's a three-pointer so the vulva the vulva in and around the gym we were in the gym the gym which is called

the vulva I saw a vulva in the gym yes I'm so beat I'm at a gym called the vulva me and the ladies

I really love box fit or whatever wow so it's yeah age of a shoulder so that goes dodgy

every sort of six months and then, I can't exercise really. But I, I just sit on the bike at the moment, peddling. And,

and yeah, the, the PTs come up to me because they now have got an Instagram following and they think, he's hot shit. And I feel like a,

you know, a hot woman at a bar. Oh, so because they know if they come up and go steven love your stuff online yeah maybe i could give you a few free pt sessions and then you'll go hey yeah deandre's great you should use him or graham or graham white men lift weight but one came over saying white men lift weights

it's the sequel to white men it's a great film it's a great film it's just heavy and then one of them came over saying I've watched

some of your videos and at that point I was out some that's pathetic some you went the chicken connoisseur that's one video

from about five years ago mate that was out but I did have a personal trainer for a little bit and he was good. And then it sort of

gets to the point where it's like a job. You don't get paid for it. It's like, oh, if I don't do it, he'll be upset with me. You're doing lunges,

sort of crying inside. My missus is like a personal trainer for the dishes now. You know what I mean? Really? You're doing really

well. You're doing really well. Come on, just one more There's just one plate left Do that pan You're formed not good Pans are horrible aren't they

Whatever don't do the dishes I know she's going to be like Next week you're doing three lots I would pay for a personal PT session For you Just to see you tell someone to fuck off. I've had a personal trainer before. I just feel like you don't respond well

to being told what to do. That's the only reason I couldn't be in the army. Only. Right. Yeah. The only reason. But with PTs, they're often physically bigger than you, so you do take the commands otherwise.

No, but they can't. Yeah, can they? That's against the law. You can't just beat the shit out of them. PTs obey the law. That's a bit of a faux pas, isn't it? You're not doing it right! All the other PTs, to be fair.

It'd work, though. Do you know what I mean? No, I'd need a, like, you're doing really well. Or like a driving instructor. No, like your mum's mate. I'd like a, like, you're doing really well. Oh, like a driving instructor? No, like your mum's mate. I'd like a PT that was called fucking Margaret. Margaret. Sorry.

What happened there? Keith V2'd her? Me and Stephen have been working together behind the scenes. Personally, I love the chicken connoisseur. Thanks for the Peter Rabbit joke. Cheers, mate. We've been workshopping. I took over my girlfriend's Tinder for a video the other day

because we were speaking about travel lodges before. Can we just reverse park for a second? Oh, yeah. Your girlfriend's got Tinder. No, she doesn't have Tinder. I made her one. I should point that out. I took over my girlfriend's Tinder.

I found it. You're doing it all wrong. Come on. You haven't had a shag for years, love. So I took it over and then I made this ridiculous profile, like the worst profile you can. She's a single mum

who's lost her kid to social services, that sort of thing. But she loves to fuck. Sorry, go on. Yeah, yeah. And then just the worst photos of her and there are very few. So basically lads just kept matching.

It's so easy. It's ridiculous. Because they're just horny. But I found particular. It was the 50-year-old men. You'd think 20-year-old lads are going to be the outrageous ones saying horrible things. It was the 50-year-old men who went into such detail.

The phrase, with a wand on your clit, came out at some point from this bloke. And I looked at him. With a wand on your clit. He's got a photo at a tube station like, you're right. You can't be sexy. Cock foster.

That was the sexiest one you can think of, wasn't it? Yeah. Because it's got cock in it Yeah Yeah Unpacking the joke But one Pick a glitzy circus

Nice Pick a dildo Er Cockford circus I really don't think We should keep going on this Like Three of us

Four of us are going It's called banter. King's Cross. Why? What? Anyway. Just to entertain yourself? Yeah.

Or were you doing something with it? King's Cross Babestation. Nice. Here we go. We can move on now. I needed one. Yeah. I haven't had a good one.

Anyway. Cologne. Kennedy Cree. Football players. Anyway. Anyway. Cologne. Kennedy Queef. Football players. Anyway, so... Did you just go from Canary Wharf to Canary Queef with one step? It is on the tube line. Anyway, just call them.

Tottenham Court cunt Houston Minj am I right guys now we're good anyway one guy went into such detail about

the very moment we get into the hotel room to you know obviously how he he's going to ride her from behind furiously

and at this point this is just the first this isn't like hey how you doing you've obviously how he's going to ride her from behind furiously. And at this point, this is just the first... This isn't like, hey, how you doing? You've not responded, he's gone. No, no, I'd egged him on a bit at this point. Oh, so how did he open the... His name was Thomas. I said, oh, this must be Thomas the Spank Engine. And he was like a Ralph Lauren wearing,

vintage car driving. That was his profile. And then I just came out with the worst sort of thing. So I asked him what would his dream date be? And he said all this stuff. He's talking about a 10-course meal, and you get bottles of wine with each course. Some bottles worth £200.

This is literally what he said. A bottle of wine with each course on a 10-course meal? You have 10 bottles of wine between the two of you? And he said, what would wine with each course on a tent course you had ten bottles of wine between the two of you and he said what would your dream date be after all his stuff and I just said

get him fingered in a travel lodge and then he was still going with it so it's just the because in his head he was like brilliant

this saves me loads of money I was going to spend like well over three grand but but I just realised men are the worst. Old men. Right.

Older than you, Dan, to be clear. Yeah, okay. I have no beef with you. Thank you. And your girlfriend was like, yeah, yeah, set me up on a Tinder. I'm not... She's that sound. Yeah.

Because she'll probably get Instagram followers from it. And that is the end goal for everyone. Yeah. Everyone apart from my wife, who will not accept anyone as a follower. Won't she? Oh, God, she's very protective. Members of her family that aren't allowed to see

what she puts on Instagram. Yeah, my missus is on private. She doesn't want any. Yeah. Stuff like that. She's like, fuck that. My girl from once clout. Do you reckon you'd ever be the sort of

dirty old man if Laura Laura's gone if Laura was where's she gone? Antarctica what for? try and find a new type of penguin do some clapping so with penguins

the question if you had to shag an animal what would you shag I always thought a penguin's the obvious answer obvious that's the way why? the question if you had to shag an animal what would you shag? Yeah. I always thought a penguin is the obvious answer. Obvious. That's the way. But why? What? Why? Yeah.

Just, they look cute, don't they? Just, not an enunciate, an adult penguin. Where's the hole? Is it at the bottom?

I've not got that far with the car. You could face fuck it, like underneath. Do you remember they have like the, when they check bombs under cars, you can just have that in a,

in Chester Zoo. There it is. You'd have to tilt it, wouldn't you? There's a condom there. Someone's had a go. I always think panda. Yeah, images. You always think panda.

Pandas won't even fuck other pandas. Why's it going to fuck you? You like the challenge that you did. Oh, sorry. Time to seduce a panda. You're all looking for consent from the animals that you're fucking

are you have you so what you're looking for is a pretty slutty fucking penguin yeah I would fuck this penguin but

she's not into me panda really I just think they're nice and cuddly probably quite dangerous if you're trying to stick your dick in them

well they look like bamboo all of a sudden they see a dick start calling me Panda Pops. We're going to be millionaires, boys. As long as we do some editing from this. Panda Pops.

What would you fuck? Pops. And he pumps pandas. Pops pumps pandas. There's a little Patreon-exclusive website that we can do, innit? Pops pumps pandas. It's just a huge shack of pandas pops pumps pandas there's a little Patreon exclusive website we can do pops pumps pandas

it's just you shagging pandas he'd be dead after the first episode wouldn't he what's that Siri was like oh right

you want to fuck a panda Adam Siri was like yeah Adam you've asked about this before sure sorry I want to fuck a panda just in your calendar Adam's like, yeah, Adam, you've asked about this before. Shoot, sorry.

What the fuck a panda? Just in your calendar. I can't believe you'd want to fuck a bird. I always feel like when people go, what animal would you bang? I think you're the only person who's like, and everyone else goes like, land mammal, and you've gone, bird. Not a bird, though, is he? No.

It's not, though, is it? And also, saying the phrase, I fucked a bird, is he No Yeah It's not though is it And also Saying the phrase I fucked a bird Is quite accepted In this society Yeah I think I'm I fucked a panda

Stephen's thinking about How he can tell people And not seem like a weirdo Once I'm starting I fucked a bird Loads of her mates watched Fucking freezing Outside Nate's watched. Fucking freezing.

Outside. What the fuck was that about? So sorry. You mentioned before Stephen came in that you wanted to ask him some questions. Yeah, about your YouTube. Now that we've dealt with fucking penguins. Stephen. That's your career.

My new series of fucking penguins.uins no because we've had steven and questions i'm trying to fucking move this train along no i know you did very well someone's had a beer and he's like oh we're all shagging pigeons and shit today no no there's still some professional you can't shag a pigeon. What? That's the worst of the birds to fuck. Yeah. Pigeons? Yeah. Or magpies, because they might rob you.

Look to your bedside table. Magpies are the prostitutes of the bird world. Yeah. So, yeah, YouTube. Prostitutes famously rob people sometimes. You wouldn't want to fuck a vulture, though, would you? That'd be bad. No. It'd be quite the claim, though, wouldn't it?'t it yeah yeah what are we doing here no i don't know sorry adam had done really

well got us off it sorry he's finally got me a fucking magpies you're doing the questions only because you've had you in twice and we've never spoken about what you mainly do yeah your youtube like when they just started and stuff and why and um so i started in 2016 because um we were doing a on the comedy course we had to do a final project and me and my two mates were doing a sketch show and so we we made about five or six sketches and put it into about a 30 minute show and showcased it at this uh place in media city for our course it was well received and then we were going to cut them up individually put them on youtube and i thought i've been doing like youtube like shit videos with my mate doing like chilly challenges

that sort of stuff uh a year ago so i need to put a comedy sketch to show that we're doing comedy now so we rushed out this sketch and I just got this Adidas jacket. It was similar to Stormzy, so I thought, oh, I'll do How To Be Stormzy. And then that was a lot better than anything else I've ever made.

The big video that was well received. Fucking peaks then. That video's paying for the patrol. It got claimed by Beyonce. Did it? Yeah. Because in the video, my ringtone goes off

and it's Beyonce, single ladies. I'm at three seconds, maybe even two. And they claimed it. So she gets all the money for that? Yeah.

She gets all the advertising revenue? Just because... Seven million views on YouTube. How much money pulls them out you can't afford to isn't that how much beyonce can be like this lad from saint elander it sounds like it's beyonce but it's beyonce's lawyers jay it's happened again You know what Beyonce very famously Deals with a lot of

Her own admin I don't think she's Watching Stephen Truss Beyonce famously Does a lot of Her own copyright YouTube infringement stuff Yeah she did an interview

On it What is she Sony or something And I'm Sony Yeah they claim Everything basically Yeah Sony How much would that

Video How much is Beyonce In Sony music Well I don't know 7 million views If you Probably like 450 grand everything basically yeah how much would that video how much is beyonce and sony music well i don't know seven seven million views if you probably like 450 grand no yes yes my lawyer here 450 000 pounds well if our revenues anything to go by it's about 82 quid i didn't do a chinese accent and say couldn't have three seconds in that video i told you um we've not once done a chinese accent well onto us where youtube like there's an algorithm he's like nope these guns aren't getting any money and we're like

cars like lots can we get this check by humans and they're like definitely not me but he is yeah so yes seven millions your biggest was the stormzy and then chicken kind of says the next with 3.2 but you've had like sabin videos going to like tens and tens of millions haven't you that yeah so i go on their channel like the tinder ones and stuff they're massive yeah they've done ridiculous views a lot of my best videos are on other people's channels that's the issue you nod along because you know

I haven't delivered here but I will do guys one day but my favourite one I've done is you're not back for a third time because you don't deliver Stephen we're on your side mate

thanks thank you do you know the true Geordie yes favourite video I've ever done is when so sort of scandal came out sorry Brian if you see this about him

just a sexual conversation he had with a woman but she basically posted all the screenshots of it and it was very detailed and not in the old man to my girlfriend sort of way but 200 bottle of wine it's coming straight up your arse but there was stuff to do with not in the old man to my girlfriend sort of way, but 200 bottle, 200 bottle of wine.

It's coming straight up your nose. But there was stuff to do with, you know, strap-ons and what have you. Straight up? I don't even drink it.

Open that. Fucking here we go. So you're cooking without them. I've got a glove. I've got a 2002 Chianti there. Right up your fucking butt

Bit lumpy that Can I check So he'd been He'd been messaging a girl Yeah So this woman was She'd been egging him on And then she posted all the conversation

And she knew exactly who She was dealing with With a bit of profile Oh Jesus So So it was very sort of explicit And there's stuff to do with yeah strap-ons and uh him being humiliated anyway this came out on the monday and uh me and my friend will we used to be in a youtube group with brian and we're like oh god do you think this is real um possibly and then uh it slowly became clear that it was uh real and i started thinking of jokes in my head that you know i wouldn't say to his face god no um but then i

wrote them down then on the wednesday he got in touch because i had a message saying how are you because it was trending number one on uh twitter not tinder um and then and then he got in touch and said we're doing a video on friday um i've basically got to face the music you come on and roast me so uh so i just got to live out my dreams for that week and just say everything i could think of that's phenomenal what a great way of uh dealing with it going right this has gone wrong everyone's talking about it why don't i look like a sound guy and fucking benefit from it yeah what have you got up here carl this is his this is steven's um channel channel on his highest highest view videos look at those there's some uh you look your fresh face there yeah that's me a young boy you've aged quickly

haven't you cheers Carl I mean but that beard's doing work so much to have you back just get you on so we can document it you ugly cunts

you know what I mean you're the moisturiser that beard's done work for you it's four years ago though isn't it yeah the n-word was

that's my favourite one the n-word yeah if you scroll up a little bit there it's a video about nonces so it's like a documentary on nonces and I did a I did a joke about the Adidas predators being for paedophiles and I didn't realise the other channel I was on was they were trying to get a deal with Adidas and I think it may have cost them that one. But I got a laugh. I think you might be the only person to link Adidas Predators with Sex Pest,

but it's beautifully done. But yeah, Educating Eaton is on there and that was one of the ones we did in university. So we did these sketches and then we put them on YouTube. Did everyone, was that part of the course towards the end? Did you have to put it on YouTube or did you just take it on yourself to film it

and put it on YouTube? Yeah, I thought this is too good to waste. So we put it on YouTube and then two months after we did the Stormzy one, I was in Cavos, which is what I do, and four shots of Lemmichello deep. No one drinking it with me Cavos

the bar was empty I've been there for decades here's the lemon boy alright lads here you go and this guy messaged saying

I've put your video on Facebook it's got 200,000 views and this was massive to me I was like he's pulling my leg then Uni Lad got in touch saying oh can we share it and I was like yeah please and I'd sent it to Ladbible when it first came out two months earlier um so Uni Lad shared

it it was going going big and then Ladbible shared it because they could usually they it'd be one or the other because I'd given them the rights by giving it to them. They both did it, so it was very lucky that way. And then whilst I was on holiday, I'd scheduled a video to come out. It was how to be a bad man, and it was in like a drug dealer. And then that sort of helped grow the channel

because people saw me regularly posting sketches. And then after that, I did how to be a skateboarder with a comical gay character um and people went this isn't drug humor i'm out uh not as in the gay character um so it slowly grew from there yeah how to be there he is yeah they're both next to each other on the interviews oh yeah just um so yeah we we basically me and my mates from uni just kept doing these videos and slowly grew. Well, we've been doing this for a year and a half, not even, and we've been on YouTube since August.

Yeah. And it feels like we've been doing this a long time, doesn't it? We're here twice a week talking for hours aren't we so like and every day we put some sort of clip on social media pretty much now so yeah so it feels like we're doing a lot more than we actually are at times but we sound drained but we no we're not no it's still we're infused today has been such a fucking good laugh and and then i hope that comes across but like we're talking about what's the next step and what do we do to keep it fresh?

With something that's gone so successfully and you've already been doing it for four or five years. A man who's been married for 80 years. No, I'm just interested to know what the plan is. Do you just see yourself continuing it? I know you're doing your podcast, but what's the sort of development game?

So basically, on this channel, the Stephen Tries one, last year was my biggest year in terms of subscribers. During the pandemic, you're a hero, Stephen, I know. Entertain the nation. Cheers. So this year year I thought right I'm going to upload as much as I can

really go for it on the main channel first video I posted one of the first weeks in January it was sort of like a news thing about stuff that had gone on

because I was trying to be more topical more content and it got age restricted and taken down because I showed a man wanking on oh what is it that chat roulette he got age restricted and taken down because I showed a man wanking on a... Oh, what is it?

Chat roulette. And they age restricted that. I know. Kids need to learn, guys. Men wank. So basically, he got taken... I think it's okay

for a kid to learn about that, do you know what I mean? As long as he's not in the same room. Yeah. I don't think the government share your views on that one, Adam. The words of my lawyer, though.

Yeah, the fella had his dick out but there was a fucking bit of styrofoam between them Adam works for Adidas part time and then

so that got taken down I was like oh fuck it you can't make a joke these days so it was blurred as well you can only see a few pubes so I was like I can, fuck it. You can't make a joke these days. So it was blurred as well. You can only see a few pubes. So I was like, I can't be arsed with this.

YouTube have pissed me off. I'll show them. I won't upload. YouTube carried on without me. Stephen, this is YouTube. We need you, baby. Show the whole dick oh my god

and then I've had this idea to write a sitcom for ages so I've I've started doing that and

I've I've three episodes done that was six so are you making it yourself yeah writing it that's great innit

I don't know if I'll make it myself. Hopefully a production company will pay. And you want it to go TV? Are you going to do it on your own? Have a word, productions? I think he's doing all right. We've got three cameras here. Some lights.

Four lights. Literally just been on his YouTube with 1.3 million followers. Like, Stephen, we've got a plan. Come away with us. I mean, we will help you out have you got a flag of Texas and a pair of pants

that don't fit an old man have you got a wacky Chinese character do you want to be monetised at all because if not do you want to make money then maybe

alright well good luck with that man yeah is the C word a killer yeah in terms of monetisation apparently did you just is the C word a killer yeah in terms of monetization apparently did you just say the C word well he's already said

I don't want to keep saying it because that's what demonetized con con con con con is the con it's con it's con to killer yeah I think apparently

it's the first 30 seconds in particular that you have to behave yourself and then after that incapable yeah if he if he said I swear to god seconds in particular that you have to behave yourself and then after that incapable yeah i swear to god if you said that to adam just before we recorded like everyone cameras in focus everyone ready finn you're all right remember behave yourself for 30 seconds he

would be like literally like ass game come fuck fuck fuck come cut like straight out i used to be like that I used to be really anti-youtube to monetise stuff, I used to make jokes about youtube and my videos and they were changing all the rules and then you have to pay bills

yeah once again but the cunt is it's tricky yeah I feel like it does it does cost you the cunt cost you i think that might be the first ever no context have word from a guest the cunt will cost you damn the cunt will cost you we've said that enough that we're definitely not getting monetized for this it's long gone imagine if we don't if you're watching human please yeah it's yeah tricky

a cunt will cost you it's just a fucking word grow up it's just a noise isn't it yeah it's just the same as that's much more offensive

imagine if a girl did that I want you to lick my fuck me in my but I know what she means Imagine if a girl did that. I want you to lick my... Fuck! Fuck me in my... Boy, I know what she means. Obviously. You know what I mean? Women make that noise when they come more often

than they just go, Don't! You know what I mean? I'm all like... Then, come. Why are you shagging like deaf dolphins? None of your business. Break! Break! Break! Why are you shagging like deaf dolphins? None of your business. Break.

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SupremeCBD.UK I was just thinking Sorry What were you just thinking, Adam? Who's that from? That was just the script Who's it from? Oh, the script?

I was thinking Because we've had some drinks I just wanted to bring this up naturally Go on What's the idea? Sorry, sorry, sorry. My line. What idea have you had?

Stephen has had many alcohols. Wow. Have you just thought of that? Yes. What could we do? We could maybe in July or something, like July. Yeah. In July.

July. July. You said July. We could do a lock-in. With Stephen? in July July July you said July we could do a lock-in with Stephen but we'll have to call it the post-pandemic piss-up because it'll all be over by then and we'll all be getting

you love your peas what? you love your peas I do and me broccoli I fucking hope it's over by then that's him sober alright

would you be up for doing a doing our our lock-in? You've sprung this on me, guys. I'm busy all of July. Very busy, man. I'm working on a cruise ship. If we get the limoncello out for the lads. What are you doing on the cruise ship?

Various men. That's how I get on the cruises. Dancing. Yeah. We've got some limoncello here you know I'm fine thank you been burnt before stick to the hard stuff stop trying to fuck him

but yeah give us how many 10 million likes 15 million what's the normal if we get 1 billion views on this episode yeah feels like a pretty redundant 1 billion views on this episode. Yeah. This feels like a pretty redundant sort of target, doesn't it?

If we get less than a billion, we won't do it. And we're going to do it anyway, aren't we? No. Are we not? What's a normal like target? Come on.

Likes. We go in likes. Likes. That you usually get and then just add some more. 275 and then one twat goes, dislike. Yeah.

No one really gives really uh let's check how many we got on an episode from like a month ago we'll just check on the last even tries episode and then put a number on top of it a thousand a thousand likes and we do a lock-in with steven please like it my liver burns i really want if you're're a fan of Stephen and you want to see him get pissed up in his room, go press that. So that one's got 1,300 likes. More. So 2,000 likes. Yeah.

2,000 likes. 2,000 likes and we'll do it. 2,000. We'll stick it. We'll stick a lot. Oh, it's not called... It's post-pandemic piss up. Post-pandemic piss up.

Or the... Lock-in. Liquor lock-in. Oh, nice. Liquor with a Q. I see you work in the industry. Yeah, yeah, I think so. You all right, Adam?

End of epidemic. It's pandemic. Elder berries. I think he's gone mental. End of epidemic. Elder berries. Yeah, that's the one. I thought he's gone mental. End of epidemic, elderberries. Yeah, that's the one. I thought you said elderberries.

Elderberries. End of epidemic, elderberries. Wicked. And if you want to sponsor that episode, drop it. Yeah. Get in touch, Heineken,

or Budweiser. Or elderberries. Or Patron. Oh, if Patron want to sponsor that episode. Or Grey Goose. Yes. Or Carlsberg. Or a Patron. Oh, if Patron were to sponsor the episode. Or Grey Goose. Yes. Or Carlsberg. Or Glens.

Skull. White Lightning. Lafroig. Got some questions? Got some questions? This one's from Steve. It says... Can you please turn that telly off?

Oh, yes. Because I'm just looking at Draymond Weatherby looking confused by the studio. It says, hello, Aruni. Yo, lads, need a wee bit of help, so I'd appreciate if you kept my name out of it. Thank you. But it's your part.

It's not really from Steve. That was a bit of a jukes. A jukes? But it's your part, so do what you want. But my problem is I broke up with my other half about six months ago, and at first it was all good, but now I've started putting myself back out there, and my tiny Tom isn't growing.

He's staying tiny. It worked with her before, but now it doesn't. Any help would be appreciated. You need some Viagra. Anonymous has got nervous. No, don't know what it is he only has sexual people he loves wow it's beautiful are you trying to score points with serica while doing this podcast i'm just saying it doesn't work with randomness because he has to have a connection

with them can he have a self-spath he needs to get a connection and before they get a boner just saying yeah next proper shaggy you on your car get off tinder lad get on e-harmony i really want you to start advice really want you to fuck me in my car's like i can't i don't love you maybe one day i will let's spend time together get Get to know each other. Fall in love. Then I'll fuck the shit out of you. No, I'm saying, because he's been in a long relationship, he's linking the emotion to the act.

He's not just separating the act. He might just have a broken dick. No. Do you think he's not just got a nervous willy? What do you think, Stephen? I agree with Carl. Thank you. Because it makes sense. Sorry.

Yeah. No jokes over this side. Logic corner over here. Yeah. No jokes over this side. Logic corner over here. Yeah, well, that was the point of it. Sorry, sorry. He needs to introduce toys,

a lot of S&M stuff. It's hard to do that on a first date, isn't it? You're going about it wrong, Adam. He's stood there. She thinks you're holding a can pole up and you're like

Whoa Nunchucks I'm handcuffed to this There's a key on the desk Nunchucks They are sexy I'll choose them in the bedroom You could have wanked to a Bruce Lee movie

Come on You could have done something sexy with nunchucks What? Swank him Put him on each nipple Or a Jewel strap on Jewel dildo

Fuck off Jewel They all double ended They all double ended You could put one of them up her arse And one of them in her pussy We needed the motion there I wasn't there until you did that

You know what I mean? Oh Bombing and fucking at the same time What position is she laying there? She needs to be So sexy What? She was to be in. So sexy. What? She was laying on her side there,

isn't she? Don't you? Isn't it one for her, one for him? Yeah, that was the idea. I thought that was it. I thought it was like a sexy lady in the tramp thing. You've not read the packet, Adam.

Oh. Where your bumholes come together. Your bumholes come together. The hitty spaghetti. Yeah. I thought that was the and if you get your meat balls

because your balls meat fuck off mutant's cradle I thought it was for two women oh that you

that you love I'd have this threesome but I only love one of you sorry ladies Mandy let's get to know each other you're taking the pit

that is a thing though isn't it some people can only get a wreck if they've got genuine feelings for someone you know what I mean

if it's been a long term relationship then he's accustomed to it wouldn't make sense he's probably a young man if he listens to our pod you know our demographic is quite young

don't worry about it lad just get yourself back on the fucking saddle so genuinely obviously it's horses for courses isn't it horses for courses don't worry about it lad just get yourself back on the fucking saddle so and genuinely it's obviously it's horses for horses isn't it

horses for courses but a lot of people will go the other way and be like once you've been in a relationship for a long time

the excitement goes out of it and it can all get a bit flaccid not talking about myself not talking about myself here what's that book you've got there Dan

and then in with a new relationship it's all exciting and that's when your dick goes pow what's the book you've got someone sent you a book didn't he yeah someone sent me a book what have you got a favorite one because my wife had a kid six weeks ago so i've now got position of the day playbook oh sexy what's on page 69 what's on page 69 you've missed an open goal guess what you've missed an open goal no it's not page it's not page numbers it's days it's days of the year day 69 then

what day is this year no days of the year so what's your birthday 24th of February okay so your birthday position is the Mustang Sally obviously

love that yeah it's a classic I was actually conceived using the Mustang Sally what do I have to do oh the adult show and tell doesn't look easy, does it?

It looks like she's trying to get him to tap out. It literally looks like... Turn it around for the viewers. It literally looks like he's trying to scissor her. The Mustang Sally looks fucking great. The Mustang Sally looks good. You do the crab and I'll not break your spine. Can I just have a look at that Mustang Sally?

Hang on. Which way is he facing? Oh, he's facing upwards. I thought she was just riding a look at that Mustang Sally hang on which way is he facing oh he's facing upwards I thought she was just riding like an horse oh hang on Mustang you'll recognise that

from breakdancing classes Stephen what's your birthday Stephen July the 9th a week after my girl we could do a dream party we could do knock down Locking

and bring her in same year as me mud the mud flapper yes when she's not washed yeah Lock down Locken and bring her in. Same year as me. Mud. The Mud Flapper. Yes, when she's not washed. And that's why you close the curtains. She's been to a festival. I think it is a festival.

January 11th. Are you getting tickets for Mud Flapper? I'm watching 29th of December. Oh, right. Is that Sarah Kiss? No, it's not. You're 15th of March, aren't you? Sorry. Yeah. The 29th of December? Oh right Is that Sarah's? No it's not You're 15th of March aren't you? Sorry

Yeah The 29th of December Whose is that? It doesn't matter now It really doesn't Because you thought that was my birthday No it's my mum's Carl I'm really sorry

It's the dog on the chair It's just a picture of your mam sat down 24th of May That's my Mars Oh no Oh if this is called like the grave or something What? The grave or the empty bottle

24th of May 24th of May The special K She was into drugs March 15th is mine Oh gee Oh gee The Special K. Oh, she was into drugs. March 15th is mine. Oh, gee. Oh, gee, gee.

The Weekend at Bernie's. Wow. What's going on there? I don't even know. It's a reverse wheelbarrow where your dick goes in her and then she holds your legs and you walk around the room. I've not seen that in the film. I mean, the upper body strength you need for dinner is served. I'm assuming there's a table there.

I hope so. I've done that. Yeah? You're not David Blaine. Finn, what? This has been fire. Well done. Good work, Carl.

Yeah, it's a good job. 23rd of September. 23rd of September. When's your mum's? job. 23rd of September. 23rd of September. When's your mum's? Sorry. 23rd of September. Some of these. The excellent.

Oh, that's fucking boring. That's one of them when you love each other, isn't it? Just facing each other like, This fella would love that. You're dead nice. 11th of January. 11th of Jan. Who is it?

Is it yours the boot licker what the fuck's going on there is she just sucking me foot yeah tell you what I've got another one you can check the 27th of December

that's the day me nan died oh what was she doing doing this position oh it's the black gangbang yep that's what she would have wanted I was on a position

but you can die from it yeah everything's gonna be alright it's fucking not everything's going to be alright. It's fucking not. Do you know how to know what he's saying? Can you just check we've not fucked the autofocus doing that? Oh, fuck me.

Yeah, so just get some Viagra and chill out. Just have a Bev. Have four lemon cello. You'll be on it. It might. Viagra and uh maybe because i imagine he's writing in because he can't get up with them but he's still he's still have a little selfie sometimes isn't he so when you get back to her house

run to the bathroom and just start yourself off Have a little wank and then go back and fuck about it. Yep. Run in the house when she opens the door. Run upstairs, have a wank and then run down and start shagging her.

There's your advice. Just run round with an erection in the house. Solid. Fighting talk. Craig Jones says, Yo, fuckfaces, never wrote in before but love watching your pod. I've just been a tramp arse and haven't paid my patron yet.

I'll get it sorted. This one is for Dan, as I think he would punish Adam, Carl and Finn. Yes. I read this one. Out of the three, Dan, which one would you rather fight? Remember, sorry love, remember Adam's eye is on a right angle, so we would be punching air. Fucking hell.

Finn. Right angle? Finn and I. I think he's going to like. Well, that's where he is. Finn. Finn, I don't think would have the anger in him to hurt anyone. I think Carl would be your biggest problem

have a good week lads from Craig you dirty slacks I reckon Finn right when he snaps snaps I reckon Finn

has got this side to him where he starts like fucking making man's I think you'd really have to fucking push and push and push and push so who would I most like to fight like I think you'd really have to fucking you've got to include Steven in the question by the way

so who would I most like to fight yeah like and this isn't about this isn't about our working relationship like you know

this is just about who steps up I've just been watching Fight Club while feeding my baby going this is fucking great you've got to put us

all in order right so who would you like first round knock out you'd smash their head in i would least like to fight carl because you two are so eggy with each other i've seen like the rate he plays football like his legs are sturdy you know what i mean he's got these, I feel like he's not in bad shape. Yeah. He's sneaky tall.

You are as well. Carl is the all rounder. I don't want to have to deal with. Now, Adam is my next. I don't want to fight him because I think he might have an astrome attack at some part of the combat, but his head's big. Like that is is you know

what I mean like I feel like but and I've also seen his rage and it is real no he just doesn't want to lose either yeah but I genuinely I

think I think Adam is I'll bite your dick off before the tap out yeah I think I've let myself down I've let myself down if my dick is out like

most medical doctors don't have your dick out at an appointment or in a fight how are you doing in the fight with Adam dad I threw to the head I took him to the body

and then he bit my dick off I was winded I should have been I should have been calling it yeah so Adam I don't fancy

fighting Adam again he's 5 foot 9 but he looks like he shouldn't be Stephen he shouldn't be. Steven. Like he shouldn't be. Steven.

He's played the beta role, but he does go to the gym, doesn't he? And Finn is like, he's got a nice temperament, but I think he's got a big dick. So he's got some of that big dick energy. Finn's got the range, though, and he's a tall kid. With his dick. With his dick, yeah. The range finder.

Have you ever been in a fight, Finn? Can you have the mic? No. Have you never been in a fight? I used to go boxing though, if that helps. Right, so change the list.

It's badminton, is it? New list. I've been boxing. I was in a boxing fight once with Elliot Steele for charity. I know. We all know.

We definitely know. I've seen the pictures you're still not the one i want to fight at least do you want to slide in now do you want to do the links to the four episodes we've talked about it on um how what boxing did you do what boxing yeah no i mean no but was it just boxing boxing boxing thai boxing hot boxing oh hot boxing. It was just regular old boxing. At what age? I did it two different times. So I did it from like 10 till 13 and then

I did it 17 to 19. You boxed at a boxing club between the years 17 and 19. I never sparred or anything. I just went boxing training. I don't want to fight Finn. Shadow box now to prove it. Stephen, have you ever had a fight?

I can't believe none of you have ever had a fight. You know, I was fucking banging people in my youth. That's quite nice to people. I was also a coward. Obviously, you know, we've all seen you be started on. And it did very well. Have you never had any fights? I think Steve

I'm going to fight Stephen he's going to be my no offence mate but you've you might be like you're not in bad shape and you might be an absolute ninja but you're not coming across

as that ninja and I don't Finn's lovely but he's like yeah yeah I've never had a fight but I have trained for fighting at five non-consecutive years

of my life am I a gobshite then? what? am I just a massive your sound when I my life. Am I a gobshite then? What? Am I just a massive, your sound, when we fight you, Carl, number one,

massive gobshite. Do you know what I mean, Adam? I don't think you want to fight Carl, do you? Me and Adam would never fight. Unless I'm fussy. Yeah, but we'd never come to blows.

It's fair bull jousting, isn't it? Yeah. You'd have me in a fight, but I've got the strongest legs. Have you got good legs? Right. I've got quite strong legs

because it's keeping up all of this do you know what I mean? I was a fat kid so were you? I think but I'm still a fat man

that's where I went wrong Dan I quit the game I'm out should have kept the weight off you've got phenomenal strong legs that's how it works. Yeah, if I was going to pick it, I'd fight yous all on the same night one afternoon.

Yeah. In between rounds. Just Royal Rumble. Can we tag in? That'd be amazing. Yeah, sure. But you do know what I mean about Karl. You wouldn't want to fight Karl, would you?

I've everyone in this room, and I mean no disrespect to anyone, but he's the one who would probably cause me the most damage on the way to me punching his head in would you bite his dick off on the way he's hit me on the way

but I'm still pumped sometimes I get hit in the nose surprise surprise listeners and viewers Adam thinks he'd be great in a fight Stephen was talking sorry go on

Stephen was saying things go on sorry Stephen he's come all the way he's come all the way in an Uber yeah took him ages to get one because it's Eid he went the wrong way because he's celebrating all the way in an Uber took him ages to get one because it's Eid

he went the wrong way because he's celebrating the end of Ramadan you love it aren't you he does it every year celebrates with a coffee patron thank god Ramadan's over let's crack out the fucking coffee liqueur

praise Jesus in their own language they say thank God what was it when I get hit on the nose that's me out you know when a football hits you in the nose my eyes are streaming

that's everyone though innit no one takes a ball to the face and is like nice one let's crack on no but you take a punch to the face in a fight

and then I've only been punched when i was like 10 that was by my cousin so right he's from heightened yeah yeah two dogs fighting ones are black and ones are white that's a racist rhyme isn't it it is yeah we did an old racy rhyme that's why heightened's called two dogs two dog fucking hell if I was you I'd want to fight me first because I'm

a bit of a fanny you would tickle her no I'm probably going to pick up a weapon and batter them he's a weapon user

yeah I'm not above using a weapon no we know that oozy no but like in all seriousness like

depends on the situation like if it's a straightener and it's just going to be this fight, then no. But if someone's being a bit of a sly cunt and there's a fucking axe or something, just there. Just lying around.

So this fight has to be in your bedroom then? Yeah, in my bedroom. Or in B&Q. Or an axe warehouse. I love those. There's too many these days, isn't there? Or anywhere near Amazon Prime. Hang on.

Oh, God. It's more than an axe. That guy said he can't throw a punch, but he can throw a fucking axe, apparently. Hang on. You'd use an axe in a fight. Yeah, but I wouldn't go for the head. But what fight

would there be an axe to hand honestly that's the problem isn't it you're saying you would use a weapon but you haven't

got a weapon you'd be in the middle of the woods and you start fighting with someone who's trying to stop you from chopping the tree

council come over and they're like fucking stop chopping that tree down they're rowdy aren't they as well got a fucking permit and he's like

shove your permit up your ass honestly because he gets a knife out and he's like I'll fucking stab you if you don't but if you work

for the council if you work for the council and you're in charge of telling people to stop chopping trees down you should definitely have had some training about how to fight people

with axes because it's definitely part of the risk of the job has he got a knife why has he got a knife bad person Delamere Ranger

deserves his feet to be cut off a Delamere Ranger sounded so much to be cut off a Delamere Ranger sounded so much cooler that's how they saw like forestation debates

axe knife fights I'm not saying they happen often no but I'm saying if I was involved in one you'd have an axe

to hand I'd use it if I needed to defend myself give me protection axe self-defense axe defense I defend myself give me protection axe self-defense axe defense the thing is

if you're fighting me as well I wouldn't really care it's people around me I'm a lot more protective of

but me I genuinely don't want to fight you fight me Dan right if we get 3,000 likes after the lock-in I'm not joking end the lock in with a fight that would

be so brutal if we rented out a boxing club and it was me and steven tries a really in shape 25 year old and a fat 40 year old do you know it does sound good yeah i think you'd have me to be honest do you know really successful youtubers usually fight, but you get to fight less successful YouTubers. Stephen wants Floyd Mayweather. Well, he's got Dan Nightingale. Not even the good one from the podcast. You are the good one. Thanks, babe.

He's my axe. This is from Pete can you keep this anonymous this is from anonymous hi lids got a bit of a problem

my new missus is an only fans girl and wants me to get involved in her content I'm not really arsed with the public exposure risk of it

but the money is shy so I'm on the fence my main problem is my ex who is in a group chat with me and my mates. Leave that group chat. Hasn't taken me getting a new Mrs. Too well, and a

screenshot out of context jokes by my mates to be vindictive. Am I being dense, or am I right to be worried that if I go halves on the content shit that she'll somehow find out and use that as well? Love the pod, but seeing as the ex listens, not a patron,

the fucking rat, I'd like to be kept anonymous while you can be. It's from Gareth. So, what I want to know is, I thought OnlyFans was just sort of

a very basic, here's my tits, here's a quid. No, that's a woman round the back of... That's Red N's a woman round the back of Aldi. I thought that's what it was. That was just basically...

Hey, Fanny there. So, you'd make a great OnlyFans girl. All right, here's me tits, here's a quid. Two quid, get you me bumhole. Slutty Budsy. No. Fiver. I'll do it every day me bumhole. Slutty Budsy. No. Fiver. I'll do it every day for a month.

What's he going to be doing? Is he going to be like shagging her probably? What's he going to be doing? Shagging her. Shagging her. Shagging her. Shadow boxing. Is he shagging her?

Yeah. I thought this made any pictures. No, they do videos. Oh, do they? So he's going to be like, comment on her on that. Probably. You should direct it.

Come on, I'm not. Here's me tits are clean. Adam goes from, like, child talking about sex, like, show it to the boobies for 50p. OnlyFans is like, I've got boobies

and 50p and that's where raspberry juice comes from. Oh, he's fucking her. What, like, I've got boobies and 50p, and that's where raspberry juice comes from. Always fucking her. What, like, jizzle in the face? Like, way too quick up the, like, gross scale. Get the nunchucks gone. Smacking an eye.

Yeah, so, I mean, it is quite the move, isn't it? Like, we've just got together, and we love to do things together. Like, I like, you know, he likes dog walking, but I want you to do my OnlyFans with me. Like, it's quite an ask, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, it is a lot to ask.

I couldn't do it personally. No! Would you do OnlyFans? I'd give you six weeks. I reckon you'd be great. What? Would you do OnlyFans on your own? What do you mean?

If I was single? Yeah. Would you do OnlyFans? Or just get my dick out and that? I don't know. It's up to you. And you probably have you do OnlyFans or just get my dick out and that I don't know it's up to you and you probably have

to do more than that and just get your dick out I'll say this about OnlyFans I'll say this okay go on I

I support that it's you know it's a it's a really good use of the internet for ladies

to reclaim the power of their own bodies to make money from their own bodies on their own terms I think it's very good and I think

if you want to put pictures of your fella coming all over your face all over the internet more power to you I think he's got every right to go just use Pva glue yeah yeah

am i i'm not asked steve would you do only fans not a chance no no um yeah i think if i was him i'd say no thank you uh and plus the ever quite the guys want to see madam i decline if it's shite with her isn't it just going to be still shite with him I mean I'm not like that is such a slam dunk

my missus wants me to do OnlyFans with me and you'll be like no like but it still freaks me out they're like we're in a group chat

and my ex-girlfriend's in the group chat that's the big problem mate yeah depends on what the group chat is if that's just all of his mates in here, then first of all, it's a good job he's got rid of her

because pass me that red flag. Because that's like, why are you talking to your friends? They're gone. Want to have a little look at that. Right, yeah. If we're in love, I need to be in every WhatsApp group with you. She needs to remove herself from that group. I'm really pro OnlyFans.

Just get your boobs out. You've distracted them now. What? You've distracted them. Yeah. I think OnlyFans is great. Do whatever.

Do whatever you want. But don't expect your boyfriend to do it with you. For Christ's sake. But yeah, if you've got an ex-girlfriend who's a numpty, don't get your knob out

and slap it on your new girlfriend's cheeks and be like how's this ever getting back to her or get a cut of the money if he's getting a cut you know

pandemic everyone's struggling a bit you know what I mean get a bit of money from that and wear a mask so no one knows it's you and when all you're made to like have you seen

just be like yeah I'll do it with another fella can't be arsed but in your head you're like yeah that's my dick. What a morph suit. If any of you lot do OnlyFans,

we are going to drop it in just here. Like, I'd pay for OnlyFans just to watch my mate embarrass themselves with their new girlfriends. I'd be in. Is OnlyFans... It's a different price for different... It's like our Patreon.

You can choose. You can set their own price. Yeah. Jan's 40 pence a month I wonder why this is a like the Patreon's essentially a comedy only fans

isn't it yeah people pay to see extra content we've got a £20 tier where we all get our dicks on every episode just like a third

like an extra camera under each table just a bit of piss you get that Eddie do you know how disturbing that would be to actually sell some of those tears

we'd be like ah we're gonna do it and then when you were like four in you'd be like oh this joke feels weird now because there's four people

going go on then well I've got to keep cutting to a random person's dick yeah no reason well no that edit would just to a random person's dick yeah no reason well no that edit would just be whenever

that person's talking you focus on their dick so everyone then always knows oh that's Carl's dick I'd have to learn what your dicks look like yeah

you'd know we'd label the cameras Adam's dick and that's why we've got 4k cameras yeah let's do a have a word

yeah and get the fuck out of here i've got one about a girlfriend but i feel like we've done a lot of girl friendly stuff saved that for next week so all right there what is that acanthus dandelion carnation and foxglove i would like to have a word regarding a sensitive matter bullying in the workplace sad face i work in a small office only four of us in there most of the time one of the senior members of staff just doesn't seem to like me i've gone out of my way to make an effort even writing a song about them and their wife it just doesn't seem to make a difference oh wait it isn't me it is finn dan dan follow the poor lad on twitter thanks janet janet roscoe who is a lady i felt hook line and

sinker they were like what are you doing fucking writing songs you fucking way to come and i'm like oh you did that we loved it hi janet um fuck you finn um i uh right hello janet stop stop making people sympathize with you finn grow up um grow up yeah having no in emails stop boxing training it's intimidating I'm trying to bully you you ever been bullied at the workplace Stephen I'm self employed fucking embarrassing

stood in the mirror you're a joke it's when you sexually harass yourself have you ever had any trouble like this in work? Like, if it was on Mercedes? Well, genuinely, Finn is an absolutely smashing lad.

I've got a lot of time for him. He's a lovely lad. His tweets are just shite. I don't want to follow him or any of you, really. I don't like following people on Twitter. One of my biggest miseries is that the have a word podcast twitter has 80 people that we're following which is low compared to a lot of things and i know i just get drawn into it i'm like i don't care what any of these people think

i just don't like being drawn into timelines it's not you go if you are followed by the have a win twitter i don't just know you bore the shit out of Dan honestly celebrities famous comedians Jason Manford retweeting other podcasts I'm like I don't give a fuck because it's addictive so I'm drawn in

so it's not actually the person I love and your tweets are very good so Stephen's a brilliant I just don't like the timeline because I'm drawn into it and then I'm like oh fuck

I'm reading all of this and then because it's there I go back to it and i find myself two hours later going yeah i've seen all of this i've seen all of this and i find that to be just a pointless waste of time and could you just start following as many people as possible on the have a word account please oh brutal i'll just literally that will be me disengaging so it's not that I don't like Finn. It's just that I don't like having loads of people. Now that I follow Carl, it's already a lot. I think I'm up to six people following, and it's just too much.

Do people ever comment about the relationship between you guys and say, oh, Adam's thinking this and Finn's doing that? Yeah, occasionally. Like, I don't know. Have we had someone say, why doesn't dan follow carl what like yeah that's the conclusions i think me and adam have had two arguments one was my fault

and it was in here with the new got really pissed off and the new intern was in at the time and i had to apologize and it was like and then we were it was really funny because we were wrapping up the 10 pound patreon posters which is really fiddly and annoying we were it was really funny because we were wrapping up the 10 pound patreon posters which is really fiddly and annoying we'd be like so just know when you open that tube it was made with rage i swear to god it was so tense and then i was like yeah sorry about that and then adam was like yeah we're over it then we had like a slight disagreement over whatsapp yeah when i was like mate i think that was a bit patronizing and you were like yeah it wasn't patronizing and then later on you rang

me went sorry about that like considering we've done this much podcasting we've not like it we take the piss like i don't know it's but i think i'm quite fair with stuff like i i like if i'm in the right like i do sort of enjoy the fact that i can get angry and be like i'm right and i know i'm right so you can all fuck off but if i'm in the wrong i do like to think i'm quite good at going you know what but you also need to be able to do that if you're in the right why you don't have to go i'm the winner no no no because i don't do that when when he was like i was wrong no no i i'm like yeah sound let's forget about it move on immediately on immediately I don't like walk around with a belt you would

your general demeanour and how you are with people is abrasive because you give less fucks than normal people but you are actually quite sound with it I try and be all busy with everyone but in the end I get internal like and that's not

healthy that's not healthy that's not a good way to be win in your head because i'm like that just like yeah leave it it's fine and then but you're like no i won no i don't do that no let's go also you two don't count because you're right fucking eggy little sisters with each other steven what are you like with the guys you work with everyone because you've this is a team of guys that you've worked with for ages do you have disagreements or is it all sound or i think steven shyly behind closed doors is like uh a mafia boss yeah and he's just like yeah you fucked that up didn't you yeah they all fear him then he answers the phone he's like yeah steven beat him out you know just pottering about being dead sound what am I like four limoncello's but I'll fucking kill him

so who he is he's a Professor Quirrell yeah oh and then behind he's on with Voldemort

oh fuck mate Stephen he's literally the worst one it's such a dig your Quirrell no

you know you can see he turns at the start and you're like oh I'm a little nice fella and at the end he's horrible

what are you like with the crew I'm okay because the only thing is i've i've got despite the podcast failings i've got high standards um so if they're not doing stuff then i'll get on to them i like my mate my mate max he works for me pretty much full time although for tax reasons he doesn't and um he's a freelancer he's doing charity work he's doing a five-year internship he he's he's good and then if he makes a mistake i can be quite like i'll do this do this do this so i'm not great at communicating it um but in general i think we're okay but yeah i can get fed up quite Yeah. Because you know what it wants to be.

You know what? High standards is important. You need it to look and feel like you want to look. Yeah. You just don't want to be Ellen DeGeneres going, I'm everyone's friend. I'm America's lesbian sweetheart. And then behind the scenes, you're like,

I will fucking end you. It's been cancelled, you know? Yeah, it's done. It's not cancelled, is it? No, it's finished. She basically nearly got cancelled. And then she was like,'s not she's not cancelled though is it it's finished she basically nearly got cancelled and then she was like

oh big apology and she did it to camera like turns out I've been a bit of a twat to people and then one season into that just doesn't stick

because everyone's like you're a fucking bully yeah and now it's now it's coming to an end I've heard I don't know whether we're allowed to do this

I've heard James Corden's the male Ellen apparently yeah he's a bit of a do this, I've heard James Corden's The Male Ellen. Apparently. Yeah. Because, do you know, like, James Corden gets a really bad rap, everyone seems to hate him, and I've never really known why. Because as much as he's a bit of a, like, goofball,

like, Gavin and Stacey, which he wrote, is brilliant. I think, in general, he tries to come across as sound. And I've always been like has everyone ate him what's the big beef with James Corden have you seen the award show where

he's with Patrick Stewart that's awful oh that is that's really cringy to watch that's from a few years ago though

isn't it about 10 years ago maybe yeah what does he do they're just having a go at each other Patrick Stewart is not entertained by James C corden yeah he makes it he's bad for it isn't he because he

makes the point of it at the start about james corden the way he stood and then they sort of just go after each other it's that really forced fake smiling in front of everyone whilst they're being aggressive to each other i think i do remember that actually yeah james corden like he is massively popular but if you talk to people from our sort of industry it's like I think it's just because

he's on so much yeah like there's a point there was a point a few years ago where you couldn't put anything on without James Corden popping up

and then he's the fucking mouse in the Gruffalo he wasn't always on that he could have just put that on he's Peter Rabbit as well Babestation not that one but he's Peter Rabbit he's fucking Gruffalo he's got his on that he could have just put that on he's Peter Rabbit as well Babestation not that one but he's Peter Rabbit

he's fucking Gruffalo he's got his own show and in the end you're like just turn one thing down James yeah I don't know if that

pisses you off what about Ant & Dech she's on Emmerdale do you hate Ant & Dech smashing this lads loving it loving it I love it when he gets pissed off

love it love it I've always loved Ant and Death, but I do think, you know, he's... You've got to wait. A little bit of damage to himself, but I think... Because, obviously, we're talking about the car crash thing that he was in and, you know, drink driving and that,

and it's never a good look, but... Like, on a slightly serious note, I am quite forgiven of people going through a really awful time in their life making a couple of mistakes. Do you know what I mean? And I think people are, because they go, yeah, all right, it's not ideal, is it,

being an alcoholic and maybe drink driving? But it's not, you're a cunt. It's not, you're a bully. If someone's been a bully over the course of 10, 15 years, everyone has a bit of sympathy, like, yeah, you fucked up, but that's part of the human experience and it's weird really isn't it because aunt mcpartland could have killed someone could have killed an innocent person ellen degeneres isn't gonna kill someone by being an arsehole backstage but ellen's seen as irredeemable and and and i'm i'm i'm exactly

what i'm talking about because I feel the same way. She's obviously a gobsmacked, Anne McPartland is probably dead sound at a bad time. But what he did is actually more dangerous. She's made herself out, I think she's got this image of being perfect and giving away cars to everyone and stuff. Whereas I'm just one of the lads down the pub, in the car.

Yeah, you can't try and be the new Oprah and it turns out you're a nasty piece of work that's been making people's lives hell behind the scenes. That's why these YouTubers get cancelled because they've got this great perception of what they're like and then you find tweets from them years ago and they've said this horrible thing and it completely contrasts with who they are

or who they make themselves out to be. Yeah, that's why we're just cunts every episode. This is it. Because then people are like, you were a cunt then. We're like, yeah, we always are. That's why we make our money. My tweets years ago were a lot nicer

you're no Dan whatever well I'll follow you and go back chicken connoisseur brilliant pod pod

yeah I love it how he slagged off James Corden there. Why? I just thought it was a really great moment. Like, who should we take down? Come on. I've just heard, allegedly,

there's rumours that he's a bit of a fucking... There you go. I've heard it. I've heard the story where he's... Someone's on a first-class flight to America or whatever, and they're like, oh, James Corden was on the flight, and a woman gets home with the baby next to him and it's crying and they were expecting James Corden to kick off

and he didn't say a word, just kept himself to himself for the whole flight and at the end, turns out, the baby and the mother were his wife and kid and he just blanked them for the whole journey. What a story that is. I literally thought you were going to say

James Corden punched the baby in the face. Allegedly. Can the Peter Rabbit stay up on the wall? So cute. It's going to piss a lot of people off,

but... It can find a place, can't it? Hey-ho. I didn't get the controversy there. It's Peter Rabbit. It looks like a safe rabbit if it's in the hands of Peter. It looks like it's in a crate that if it's in the hands of Peter.

It looks like it's in a crate that mushrooms were transported in about 12 hours before. Is that what its name is? What? If this video gets 2,000 likes, we will do a lock-in with Stephen Trice. With that rabbit. With that rabbit. Get awful. with that rabbit with that rabbit get awful join my mailing list at adamrow.co.uk

and sign up to the Patreon at patreon.com slash have a word pod you get an extra episode a week you get early access to these public ones

and if you've got this far and you've enjoyed it and it's Monday still then there's still some tickets left for Adam Rowan Friends late show at Hot Wheels Comedy Club

tomorrow oh yeah that's what we meant to do wasn't it I'm probably going to record a video and put it right at the front of the episode enjoyed it and it's Monday still then there's still some tickets left for Adam and my own friends late show at Hot Wars Comedy Club tomorrow. Oh yeah. That's what we meant to do wasn't it? I'm probably going to record a video and put it right at the

front of the episode. Could you go and have a look at my other YouTube show Show Me The Sample at Show Me The Sample. Stephen where can

we find you? YouTube please. Stephen Troy's podcast. That's where you're moving everything to. Doesn't post on the other one.

He's in the mood yeah fuck them they know what they've done they do and they're you know they're gonna rue the day

yeah that they woof my lawyer ladies and gentlemen woof go out Jones. Go lads.