Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #125 with Milo McCabe - Have A Word w/Adam & Dan

Episode Date: June 21, 2021

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Every day. Who the fuck is that guy? Char, upset me, nasty bitch. Oh, Jesus. Don Oh, jeez. Don't chat to me! I can see fumes coming off your pum-pum look like petrol station. Shut up! Disgusting!

Coming to you from the soon-to-be world-famous Havawad Studios. Hidden away in the scenic hills of sunny Runcorn, England. These are the funniest leads in the podcast game. Adam Rowe, Dan Nightingale and Sensei Carl with full HD video episodes on YouTube. It has to be. Have a word. What's happening, guys? It's sponsor time.

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slash W-O-R-D-P-O-D. Get in the cryptocurrency game. We're going to do it as well. Let's get back to the podcast. Me and Carl are going roller skating tomorrow oh god he's got no sound hello you don't deserve sound you're going roller skating we're going to a roller disco oh my god it's so nice we're taking our girlfriends to a roller oh god you are taking girlfriends originally but i probably listen we listen 2021 very tolerant people

very progressive but I will draw the line to platonic heterosexual friends friends

right so wouldn't it be possible for us to be non-platonic heterosexual friends would it because if we're non-platonic

that means we're sucking each other's dicks so then we therefore can't be heterosexual hey thanks for filling in

don't you think you can be what do you mean like rugby players do it yeah they do yeah famously rugby players have a little bum at half time

dead famous gets them up for the second half yeah you know the game but like heterosexual you can be heterosexual and still do a gay thing yeah you've really buried the headline

which is the fucking roller skating never mind the semantics of rugby and bumming You can be heterosexual and still do a gay thing. Yeah. You've really buried the headline, which is the fucking roller skating. Never mind the semantics of rugby and bumming. I want to know about the second gayest thing. Have you ever been roller skating to a roller disco? Back in the day, I knew. It was after the war. Everyone was just so happy.

You know, when the Japanese surrendered he knew his face coming out it was popular in the 50s it was popular really popular I was born in 1981 everyone

not 1881 no I've never been. Been ice skating in the Donny Dome. One day, guys. One day we'll make it. But I've never done, and I'm shit at ice skating, so I imagine I'd be terrible at rollerblading. No, it's not blading, it's skating.

Skating. The four. Four, not one. The two by two. What's shitter? Is blading so unfashionable blading's the cool one blading's the real cool one

that's what they are no but you don't go rollerblading no yeah you just have a you know you have your own

mental breakdown and go I don't need it anymore public transport I can't yeah erm I don't think

rollerblading is cool at all whereas roller skating is sort of coming back round do you know do you know what I mean yeah coming back round we're gonna make it cool I don't think rollerblading is cool at all, whereas roller skating is sort of coming back round. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, coming back round. We're going to make it cool. I don't know. Yeah.

You're going. No, there's the electric excuses in Liverpool. We're going to do electric roller skating tonight. Right. Everyone's just going to get them. We're going to make it cool. Watch everyone go now. We were supposed to be going to a disco event.

Okay. And that's not like granddad speak. That's not me going, oh, you're going to a disco event okay and that's not like grandad speak that's not me going oh you go to a disco event there was a 70s disco event meant to happen at the Parmouse in Sefton Park our tickets booked for months

we were all excited I was going to get flares I was going to get a wig it was going to be amazing nothing to do with our Tony Carroll no oh god

just a big disco event sold out in minutes and for some reason they've cancelled it and it can't be because didn't tell me why no it can't be because restrictions didn't me why no it can't be because

restrictions didn't lift because it was meant to be before that anyway they just went Skiddle just emailed Carl and went cancelled that soz

so we've we've we've planned a day of activities instead we're going roller skating bowling we're going bowling

we're going roller skating then we're going to the arcades and then we're going to indoor ghetto golf. Oh, yeah. You motherfuckers are going to be engaged and buying houses so soon. Because you just said, without either of you laughing, we're here for our planned day of activities.

Like, when you're really young, you just, like, get fucked up. And you're like, yeah, I'm going out with her. She's letting me stick my willy in her. And we go out and get fucked up as well but you're already past that you're at the stage where you're like oh i've already had a really annoying cancellation oh and i've already pre-booked parking but uh luckily we've got a full day of activities and i think carl found some vouchers in a local magazine absolutely amazing i love the progression it's fucking great i'm a decade into my relationship though yeah remember no but i just i just like that you're at that point because of lockdown so am i yeah adam's gone past me adam's been with his girlfriend sam

four and a half years within six months that's really nice isn't it uh fucking amazing can we have the full report on that please i'm uh i'm excited uh last time i went any sort of skating was ice skating and i fractured my elbow you are very injured i'll know when it comes to I didn't expect it I didn't expect it I just got a head thing Oh god I don't know I did not expect that

The way you just did that And I fractured my fucking elbow It was really bad I was in hospital for two weeks So why would you What's another two weeks For a fractured elbow I don't know

But it sounds bad doesn't it Yeah Did you just deck it Yeah I just Well So why would you... I was over two weeks for a fractured elbow. No, I don't know, but it sounds bad, doesn't it? Yeah. Did you just deck it? Yeah. I just... Well, what happened was I was quite scared and I was holding the side of the rink

and going round. Do you know like a pensioner trying to go for a piss in the hospital who's holding on to the rail? Do you use them penguins? What penguins? Gina penguins, you can have them. They're like healthy and long.

No, not one of them. I was literally holding the side of the ice rink as I was skating around. How old were you? Two years ago. I was 17. Oh, were you bollocks? I was.

I was 17. It's genuinely true. I was 17. So like an old man then, basically. It was still old enough. What a beautiful analogy Is that Adam Rowe Or is it a pensioner

Going for a piss In the hospital And then me dad went Ad Come on You'll be fine Just give it a go So I went off

And immediately fell over And fractured me over Oh fucking hell Yeah It's a lot harder on skates though You've got a lot more stability Yeah it's a lot A lot better on the 4x4

The 2x2 You haven't got one I honestly I don't think I think roller skates Are harder than Ice skating aren't they No no no

Oh Alright okay I always had it That they were more like Fuck off No they are It's just because the blade Is like

Is very Unstable Do you know what I mean Whereas this is 2x2 So you've got there's no real okay so there's no left or right but there's a very fast yeah oh you're going fast yeah i can't wait really excited i think the problem here is you've got the general build of a robin red breast you've got beautiful fins stalky legs and then a manly sort of

i'm sunburned to fuck so I've actually got red tits. I look like Barney the Dinosaur under me top of the minute, and I'm not even messing. It's really bad. On Tuesday, Carl took us to the beach in West Kirby. And because it said it was 20 degrees on my weather app, and the sun was behind the clouds, so I was like, I want to get a bit of a tan.

Sneaky motherfucker, isn't in it the sun like that took my t-shirt off for like what four hours with any sun cream with no sun cream what for four hours

no sun cream no Jesus and just lay down on a towel flipping back and forward like you're trying to cook a sausage just backward and forward

until both sides were completely done felt fine sliver done why are you making me I don't think you've ever made me laugh this much at the start of an episode. Turn Adam over.

He's crisping. Lovely. Look at that. Is he sizzling? Oh, lovely. But I felt fine until I got home and then I was like, oh, I've got a bit of sunburn there.

Then I got, you know, like the heat stroke or like the heat exhaustion. Second time in a week. Yeah. You're doing well, aren't you? But like bad. So I was shivering and I felt sick.

Sam was like, I think we should ring 111. And I was like, I'll be fine. So she went, I'm going to go on the 111 website and put all your symptoms in. So she did. And it said, ring an ambulance immediately. I put all your symptoms in and it said, your boyfriend's in our bed.

Well, this is why I'm not clapping for the NHS anymore. Right? I went on 111, put me fucking symptoms in. It said your boyfriend's in our bed well this is why i'm not clapping for the nhs anymore right i went on one one one put me fucking symptoms in it said bring an ambulance immediately so we rang an ambulance and they went uh we're a bit busy at the minute our best advice is to go on the website one one one and we went that's where we've been and they told us to ring you and they went well we're sending you back and we were like what and then they're gonna send me back to you right what the fuck's going on did you need an ambulance i i was supposed to go to sam just drive you what do you mean to hospital well they said you can make your own way to hospital if you want but you are going to be waiting a long time so i said to

sam do you want an ambulance for sunburn i didn't want one i've got a girlfriend and you know what girls are like they're like i've got a check whatever so she put all my symptoms there's an application adam there's an application it said go to hospital yeah you can go to hospital but it doesn't have to be in an emergency it said ring 999

and then they told me to go to hospital myself ring 999 stick a fork in him he's done so I just I rode it out I had some

panacea you fucking hero why can't more people do that when they need to ring 999 and ask for an ambulance? Hey, I've fallen over and broke my hip. Pussies. Just fucking stay at home.

Breathe through it. So it's been really bad. It's been really, really bad. Struggling to sleep. I'm very... Oh, hang on. He's putting a telly on. Does that mean we've hit 4,000 patrons?

Yeah, buddy! Amazing. We knew that mean we've hit 4,000 patrons? Yeah, buddy! Amazing. We knew we were going to hit 4,000 at some point during the record. 4,000 at once, even if one of your fucking rats cancel. Still fucking got it, so you can fuck off. Absolutely amazing. Please don't. That ends, for me, a full week of an OCD weirdo

checking our patron every seven to eight minutes. Like it's almost a relief to hit the milestone because now I can be like, ah, we've hit that. And now I just go back to checking it 12 times a day. I won't be happy, by the way, until we've got more Patreons than every other Patreon in the world combined.

All right. Okay, good. I won't be happy either. I'll be very unhappy. Sunburn has the same side effects as cocaine I put a bit of after sun on last night

but it's what I'm worried about is falling over at the roller skating tomorrow and then I come over and slap you yeah

Sam slapped me last night because he thought it'd be dead funny that's where ice skating would be good because if you fell over it'd cool it down Oh yeah

Did you use the aloe vera stuff? I didn't He's the other one It has helped They would have just done that At A&E anyway Wouldn't you? Bit of aloe vera

Quickly Aloe vera Stat Yeah But I didn't go Well you just try and survive babe Yeah But it's fucking

You've seen it yesterday It's ridiculous isn't it? Oh he's purple yeah I'm actually purple It's been such a difficult Do you know what I purple yeah i'm actually it's such a different thing it's been such a difficult year purple tits a terrible year and a half and people are still jesus christ you look like steve carell when he gets waxed on the 40 year old virgin in that picture i sent you yeah you can slide that in here so people know what up the dilemma finn will do that Okay We wish you a Merry Christmas You know that scene Dan is

Proper When he got waxed And the reason why They didn't finish it Is because he couldn't Finish the scene Yeah And he's a hairy

Yeah yeah He's a hairy hairy man Isn't he Yeah I've been watching a lot Of the American office At the moment Talking about the patrons

This morning I was Checking it And I had Jack Giving I was giving him a... What Jack? Actually, my baby, my son, yeah. Not your brother. Your brother wasn't round, first thing. He doesn't help out with childcare.

He's a lazy old brother like that. Your Jack was round to watch me look after my kids. It's a weird setup. And I was on the patron app, and I just had the numbers out. I've been checking it all the time. Andta was like daddy what's that and i was like oh it's it did you see that it's a really weird moment i don't know why i did it but i was like that means we're gonna be rich and she went cool like literally took it in a stride so she got to nursery and they opened the door and she went we're gonna be rich

it's a phenomenal country like the nursery nurses who were probably about eight and a half grand a year must be like what the fuck are these idiots talking about over breakfast right after you go to nursery? You fucking complete. And this comes in the same week, and I shit you not, this sounds like I'm making it up. Got to nursery the other day. I picked her up, and Jasmine, is this a public episode?

Jasmine, who's lovely, was like, oh, I was like, has she been good today? Has she been good? Is Jasmine a con? Jasmine's dead nice. There's no real name either, so it doesn't matter. Yeah, it's Flasmin.

No, she is dead nice. She ends up giving the critique on how Etta's done that day because Etta is fun, can be a bit loud and a bit mental, but generally you just, has she been psycho? No? Okay, cool. And Jasmine's like, she's been great and she's been really making me laugh. Today she went to the toilet and when they're

in the toilet they sort of just do a check on them so they're not like i don't know it's just there's three cubicles apparently and then three urinals so jasmine went to check knowing that etta had said she's going to the toilet the three cubicles were empty so jasmine went where's etta look to the right and my daughter was stood at a urinal stood up pissing into it which is a fucking bold move jasmine went what you doing and etta went well the boys can we here yes mate she just stood there like fuck off and um was she saying that yeah yeah she was like fuck off why are you in your vinyl fuck you i'm gonna be rich yeah she's like i'll buy me own your vinyl you fucking twat that's mad that you know it's gonna be gold and then jasmine went jasmine went and to be fair to her there was no splash

anywhere so good aim i was like right well that's the weirdest conversations anyone ever had at a nursery girls have a little tiny piss Really don't they Right Can we be careful though Because it is my 40 year old we're talking about Alright just like Let's keep it vague Yeah

I haven't pooed for three days Good Now in terms of Keeping it vague That just took it off on Is that true Yeah so Because of me sunburn

Oh for fuck's sake Hang on Hang on I've been taking codeine Haven't I Been taking codridomol You've been taking codridomol. You've been taking codridomol? I love the way I didn't give you it for that,

but you've used it for that. What did you get codridomol for when your shoulder went out? Sam has had the coil put in, you know, the contraceptive, so that she doesn't have to take the pill because the pill's making her mental. Right.

So have you started taking her pills for her? No, because the coil is quite painful. She got advised to take some codeine. So, I borrowed some off Carl,

but he gave me plenty and then this was hurting. So I was like, there's some codeine there. So I've been taking codeine for my sunburn. You've been taking codeine, one of the stronger

painkillers. I don't really feel like it makes that much of a difference. No. It says on the box, don't drive. So Adam yesterday took two, a difference It says on the box Don't drive So Adam yesterday took two

Two ibuprofen and then drove us to town I've just took the exact same and then drove us away I don't care You're in phenomenal form mate I love sunburn If our insurance is watching by the way That's lies It's not jasmine it's flasmin

So you have two coffees You basically get like a high yeah a downer and a rupper it levels out yeah how's your heart how's your heart he can hear it in his ears i have actually been able to hear me harp it more than you what a surprise that is adam turns into a hummingbird um fucking hell but yeah apparently a side effect of coding can be constipation yeah it really is you're gonna be you're not doing that tomorrow and we're out Fucking hell Adam But yeah apparently A side effect of coding Can be constipation Yeah it really is

You're gonna be You're not doing that Tomorrow when we're out Fucking ruin the day Gonna poo all over The roller skates Yeah Oh that would be amazing

Adam's fallen over And something else Has happened It's gonna take more Than I love here To clean that up Yeah It really does block you up

The old coding Also gives you boring dreams. How have your dreams been? I don't remember. I took coding. Can't remember what for. Gives you boring dreams. Boring or none.

Really lucid. Like, you know, like dreams that are so long and detailed but unexciting. Yeah, the dream that you were in last night. Fucking Finn. wild but unexciting yeah the dream that you were in last night fucking finn i've just remembered laura had a dream the other night where she cheated on me with you she went don't say anything on the podcast i was like are you mad this is how we make four-year-olds rich bitch so i'm watching you in my my dream, we went Formula One racing, like driving. Too coldy. I was in the passenger seat for you driving. And then when we got there, he went,

oh, there's no time for your go now. And I was dead pissed off. I can't believe after all the elaborate lengths I've gone to to create Laura's Gone Stories. She's gone 12 miles to real. She's shoving Finn. She's fucked Finn in her dreams you're her dream man doesn't that mean

she wants to though if she's dreaming about it I mean she honestly the if she cheats on me with you Finn

I get I'm gonna get so much house never mind never mind the garden off yeah

try and write it good I'll use it in court. The divorce is going to be great. I honestly, if that's how it's going down, I'm not even going to be pissed off with you. If she wants to bang a 22-year-old from Rhyl, I can't stop her. If she's into a little bit of Turkish,

a little bit of Welsh, I just let it happen. But she's moving to fucking North Wales. Chilli garlic? And you're part raising my children. Oh, God. No, that was actually the bottle of sauce. Oh, was it?

Was it? Can I put it all over tits and then lick it off? Spicy tits. Sorry. She's your actual wife. I dare you to fuck my wife, Finn. I dare you. I dare you to fuck my wife Finn I dare you I dare you

It's really weird Because you're also my boss So it feels Like that Should I? Hey I've seen this video by the way As your boss

If you're gonna do it I just Yeah It needs to go on Patreon though Patreon.com Slash have a word pod The We haven't talked about the ghost hunt It went It went live patreon.com slash have a word pod the we haven't talked about

the ghost hunt it went it went live if you're watching this on Monday on the public episode sign up at patreon.com

slash have a word pod we have three fully filmed lockdown lock-ins including the legendary one with Ishan Akbar we have Sensei Carl's

big fat stupid quiz that people loved and now we also have the ghost hunt and that's on top of the extra episodes

you get every single week and the early access you get to public episodes over 100 hours there's 4,000 reprobates have signed up

it's not shit and no one leaves no one like minimal people leave when people sign up, they tend to stay

because three quid a month or five or 10 is such a ridiculous bargain for the shit you, the extra shit you get. But we went ghost hunting. For those who don't know what we're talking about,

if you're one of the people who just listens to the odd episode here and there, former guest of ours, Barry Dodds, loves ghosts. And he took us to a haunted house in Pontefract and we filmed it

we got a camera crew and we didn't make these lads filmed it wanted them to be part of the film as well and we filmed it we all went in the house together then we all went in one by one and it was one of the worst nights of my life that was like shout out to Barry who is my oldest and best mate in comedy I love that man he's such a oh sorry he's such a Sam did that to me

last night but on purpose I love you I was making her a cup of tea she came on the back I went how you doing on me back

and I went you you know what it was so painful I couldn't even say ow I just went you horrible

cunt healthy and she went when you've been together four and a half years and she went and i went it's not funny though is it you didn't trigger it is well you didn't trigger because the coil's hurting so she's getting a payback yeah barry's uh part of the parapod and they've got their movie. Boise. Fuck. Sorry. Boise. Literally no one noticed but you'd have got comments like that was Boise. Yeah the Parapod movie is out so go and google

the Parapod movie. I think it's been shown at certain cinemas, there's live shows, there's Q&As and that's happening in September. And well worth plugging again because we plugged this a lot early on the Parapod podcast if you're into anything paranormal or even

if you're not, so the Parapod is a podcast done by Barry Dodds and Ian Boldsworth former stage name was Ray Peacock which he's now changed go and start it from the very beginning because it's phenomenal, it's my favourite podcast apart from this one. Genuinely, I love it.

It is hilarious. It's so funny. Me and Laura have watched the film. We got a special preview thing and we watched it. It's mental, the production value. And Will, who's done our ghost hunt, I'm so proud of that because it's our first time doing something

out of the studio apart from when we went for an illegal kickabout at the five-a-side pitch here at the business park which i i got like oh we're not allowed and i was like oh fuck off get in and then we got bollocked it was an amazing moment where i felt like such a school kid um but that was the first time out wasn't it and even going like on a road trip and having a chiquitos, which is not a restaurant that anyone really wants to go to. No, we only went there because Nando's was chocker. I had such a good time and I got there and I was like, I was worried that we weren't going to adapt

to being out of our little safe sort of, this is what we do. This feels so easy and so natural. We've got the chemistry here. And I was worried that Barry was going to get a little bit fucking ghost nonce-y and like... Seriously? Fred's in the loft? It was just so fun from start to finish.

And I'm not going to ruin it for the people that have not seen it yet that are our patrons. Or if you're going to sign up. But watching one of us lose their mind so funny made my night so much more fun because we were having a laugh and i yeah wasn't me wasn't you and it wasn't finn there was one bit where i nearly went lad are you taking the piss and i saw genuine fear. I was like, oh, this is so fun. It was like, I got to live it vicariously. The mirror was straight. Right, listen, look, this doesn't ruin anything. There's a wonky mirror and when I went in my own, it was a fucking straight as an arrow. Just go and watch it it it's the worst thing

I've ever been through I don't want to go back I'm never going to another one so Barry initially was like what we're going to do is we're going to be downstairs and then one of us is going to go upstairs

for like five minutes in a room at a time and I went nah we should be out of the house and you should be in the house

that was the touch wasn't it it was a good idea it was really good I'm glad he did it because I there was a. That was the touch, wasn't it? It was a good idea, that. It was really good. I'm glad he did it. Because I, there was a couple of moments early on when you hear the story,

there was a couple of moments where I went, right, just, you're fine. But I was getting a bit jittery. And then I got a bit more jittery in other places, thank you, Finn. But when you walk in on your own, as the evening went on,

I was becoming more and more skeptical. We were all having a laugh, weren't we? The house When you're on your own The house was a different monster Yeah When there was seven of us Including us

Barley the camera crew It was like Yeah this is a bit weird 100% When that door closed And it's just you It was like Oh this is different

And you leaving fucking spooky dolls To watch over me on pillows Like But yeah Go and watch it It's only on Patreon It'll never go public All the extra content we do We give to the Patreons Because they're the ones Who support us And make this shit happen It's like... But yeah, go and watch it. It's only on Patreon. It'll never go public.

All the extra content we do, we give to the Patreons because they're the ones who support us and make this shit happen. And if you just enjoy the podcast and you just want to listen to this, that's fine. If you want that bonus stuff, patreon.com slash haveawaypod

and we promise you, it's fucking worth it, bruv. Yeah, and we've got a lockdown lock-in. What are we calling it? Post-pandemic piss-up. The post-pandemic piss-up... It won't be, though. It's going to be... What? No. it won't be though it's going to be

what now it won't be because it's new it's still going to be locked down when we do it we're going to do

the fourth lockdown lock in 4.0 with Stephen Trice and Max so there'll be a post on the Patreon asking for some

questions for that so get on the Patreon patrons and start firing me the questions for prepping the lockdown lock in with Stephen Trice

that is coming in July. I tell you what as well, because we want to encourage more sort of comments and stuff on the YouTube videos because that helps us sort of go up the algorithm and stuff. If you've got any suggestions for bonus features you want on that lock-in, so obviously we've done Carl's quiz in the past with the lockdown lock-in

with Eshan. We sort of did a twist on would I lie to you? I say a twist, we just did would I lie to you I say a twist we just did would I lie to you we just robbed it if you want anything like that from Max and Stephen any suggestions like that

put them in the YouTube comments please and like this video we never ask like the video right now go and click like just dead easy

yeah just go and like and subscribe yeah and also I've got my own channel where I do makeup tutorials so like and subscribe

dead easy just click the button I wanted to make a hair joke there but you know what I stopped myself And also, I've got my own channel where I do makeup tutorials, so like and subscribe. Dead easy, just click the button. I wanted to make a hair joke there, but you know what? I stopped myself, and that means I'm growing. Oh, that's really good of you. It's not, though. What? Nothing.

Because I'm bald, guys. 4,000 patrons. We're gigging together tonight we can talk about that quite funny innit we're doing Chester and all week the comedy club has been like

we've got the podcast have a word Adam and Dan here and we're like we're not promoting that because we want everyone to come to the podcast shows yeah it seems like you're being cunty

but we've not been booked together trying to avoid being booked together because we want people to come and see. They have a weird shows with us too. It is just going to happen. If you want to come and see us this

week on Saturday the 26th of June we are in Preston with the amazing Paul Smith and Lauren Patterson and Barbara Nice. Yeah I think that's because of the moving around the Dublin you know. It's an amazing show. I tell you what, there's not many times

you're going to see two of our favourite guests and me and Adam. I'm hosting because I'm from Preston. And it's big enough in Preston, they've done like a two-page thing in the Lancashire Evening Post. And it's moments like this where my granddad sort of understands what I do.

Like I can say YouTube and internet and it's like I'm going wizardry and nonsense. He's like, I don't understand it. But as soon as there's a... Yeah, I've come a long line of nonsense. Great, good times. Good times. But yeah, in the local paper, I had a...

That night he yells, bringing his friends to Preston and there's going to be a microphone. I'm doing the middle at night. I'm looking forward to that. Oh, well well that should be fun for I imagine Barbara Knight

if you want to see a badly manoeuvred Bill come to Preston on the 26th of June shall we have a little intervalle and we'll see you

after these massages massages? we're getting a massage? you're not what's happening guys are you on board the CBD oil train? Yes. Whether you are or you aren't,

you should head to supremecbd.uk, one of the official sponsors of the Have A Word podcast, and get yourself some premium CBD oil product from gummy bears to the oil itself. This stuff has got a million uses. It can help with anxiety. It can help you sleep. It can help you sleep. It can help with aches and pains. It's really, really brilliant. It's been helping me and a lot

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Don't even tell them what we're laughing at. They're not allowed to know. Throw some bread. was some brain. Draw some questions. Woo! Phineas, my love, the screen's on. Oh, cheers, lad. Why can't we have the screen on?

I don't think you need to see the editing process. That is my personal opinion. I remember editing, you know. I remember editing. Just before you come back from Japan. Having to edit those full episodes. I remember editing you know I remember editing just before you come back from Japan having to edit those full episodes I remember when

I remember when you went to London for whatever reason and you said this is my first edit on my own yeah I was like

oh shit yeah god bless you guys I love not doing any editing it's fucking great Yeah. God bless you guys. I love not doing any editing. It's fucking great. My favourite thing to do is not doing editing. Yeah.

It's what I love. My favourite thing to do is nothing. Fuck all. Yeah. Fuck all is better than nothing. Doing nothing. Fuck all can be something, though. Yeah, I mean, like like watching Terry playing FIFA.

That's doing fuck all. To me that's doing nothing. Don't have kids. I dream about doing fuck all. Playing FIFA with the kids? Yeah. The thing is

when I play FIFA anyway I hold my pad like this. Now if you hold your pad like that You can have the baby there. Yeah, the baby fits in your arms. Fucking Jesus. Why not? And it your pad like that. You can have the baby there. Yeah, the baby fits in your arms. Fucking Jesus.

And it can press buttons that you haven't got the dexterity to reach. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have a bit of spit up. Then you've got a bit of milk puke in your fucking buttons. Great. That'd be good fun. Just have a bucket just behind the baby. And every time it's sick, you just go, tip it.

Tip it. Sick into the bucket. Put it back. Right back. And poop. What do you do for the nappy change? What. What do you do for the nappy change? What? What do you do for the nappy change?

Special move. Maid! Maid. Maid! Yeah. Come clean my baby's nappy. Okay. So that's for the 40,000 patrons.

We're not quite there yet. Because I don't know if you know this about my wife. She doesn't like being called maid The dream for me genuinely Is to have 470 billion patrons Is there life on other planets We don't know But there could be patrons I'm not Freddie Quinn

I don't know Bit of pigeon Wow some Brit The dream for me Is to have Staff In the house I want a chef

Just look to Finn I want a chef I want a maid I want a Baby making machine Slash wife I hope she ain't Watching this Oh you forgot I want a baby making machine slash wife. I hope she ain't watching this.

Oh, you forgot it's not a Patreon episode. My missus hates everything I do. Oh. She just doesn't watch this. Or not if he is in. But yeah, I want to have a chef. I want to come in and be like, listen, Gary. Tonight. Gary the chef. Gary want to come in and be like, listen, Gary, tonight. Gary the chef.

Gary Rhodes. Oh, he's dead, isn't he? Gary, listen, lad. I feel like some lobster. So, crack on. And then goes the maid. Hey, I want this shirt. Give her an iron.

Don't worry about ironing my jeans. I'm not bothered about ironing jeans. The crease follows anyway. Get me shoes ready. Open me new fucking undies for me. New undies every day, obviously. I'm a billionaire. Gardener. He's running out of ways to spend his money.

Gary, the chef. I want lobster for breakfast because I'm rich. And water these fucking plants. No more tap water, Gary. You fucking puff. Get the Evian out because I'm rowdy fucking bags.

Now, where's that made? Because I want to fuck. Evian tastes milky, doesn't it? Even though it's not. What? Evian's got like a milky taste to it. What the fuck are you talking about? There'll be people watching this who know what I'm on about. Evian is like like a milky taste to it. What the fuck are you talking about? There'll be people watching this

who know what I'm on about. Evian is like milky water. It's so weird what bugs me when you say stuff. Because you've, we've said some weird shit about my family. That's the most annoying thing you've said today. What do you mean?

Evian's my choice in bottled water. No, it's got like a milky, it's got like too much calcium or something in it i prefer the nestle pure life water yeah the one that i just bought randomly from being in bargain code sensei 15 i'm also sponsored by keys keys for locking doors uk is our domain by the way yeah i know if you go to cop cop yogurt.co.uk is our domain by the way yeah I know if you go to cockyogurt.co.uk you'll buy some merch but yeah

don't you just want to have staff yeah handyman as well Bill B. Walsh oh blad see you in an hour let us know if you want a brew how often do you need him

an indoor and an outdoor how often do you need him well in my head I've got so much land that I can just constantly give him new jobs land you've got land yeah you're going to have to give them new jobs. Land? You've got land?

Yeah. You're going to have to move out of Liverpool for this, aren't you? Where are you getting this land? Or I could just buy me streets and knock all your houses down. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not thinking clearly. I'm not thinking like a rich person. You're thinking like a rich person.

I'm thinking like a poor person. Like, you'll get money and you'll need to go and buy acreage in the countryside. You're thinking like a rich person. I'll buy this fucking street and knock all these houses down not all but i'm the library for me dad i'm the school and the old people's home with their minute two birds one street what would the gardener do said two birds garden but what are you doing in there what you want in your garden just want them to keep on top of the plants and the grass and that. I want it mowing every morning. Mowing every morning?

Even in the winter when it's raining and you'll die. Yeah. Is it all going to be lawn or is some of it going to be knocked out foundations from fucking three bedroom semis? Most of it will be lawn and then a little bit of decking for my barbecue. Right. How many houses are you knocking down for your decking and shit loads of lawn? How many is that? About 50, 60. Right. How many houses are you knocking down for your decking and shitloads of lawn? How many is that?

About 50, 60. Right. Now I'm starting to think, if this is the plan, you're going to need to hire some security because once word gets round that Rowie Bags has not only got rich, but he's also got rich to the point

where he's aggressively buying out all of his neighbours, knocking their shit down. How many bedrooms, are you just keeping your house in the middle of it or are you making a bigger house? I'll make a big house.

Right. So I'll knock my house down as well. I'll knock them all down. I'll go and stay in my dad's for a few weeks while they build me a new house. Couple of weeks, that's how that works, isn't it? Knock them all down, couple of weeks, get us a new house.

Come on, Gary! Fuck the lobster! You've got to finish the kitchen! Yeah. Would you have a moat? What? Would you have a moat? No.

I want to at least appear welcoming no i think that's silly no carl no because i think that might be a bit ostentatious no but i do just have a big fence but i do want a dragon how many animals on the property because I see you as a big tiger cunt no because like really I no you come on I'd like a few dogs

and one chicken I'd be happy to ask someone to buy eggs every day Adam he gives off big cat vibes do you not think

you need a hen then what do you mean a hen yeah chicken all right right i didn't say a cock i said a chicken so you're so rich you've got staff security yeah uh a kennel of dogs yeah and one fucking chicken because you don't want to spend money on eggs again he's thinking like a rich person you know how you stay poor you buy eggs you know you get rich you get chickens and a cock to fuck the chicken do they need to fuck no can i just confirm no that's just the no if a cock fucks a chicken it's a chicken then it makes

a chicken egg that a chicken comes out of if a hen just shits out an egg right or egg bread yeah is that true adam i think that's right yeah yeah yeah i'm just double checking no i'm asking what he knows what is an egg what's an egg is it is it like that day's placenta no essentially right i don't think that could have been spermified to make a baba chicken it's an egg yeah spermified by the cock spunked on we got it oh spunked on cockyogurt.co.uk fuck paste yeah i want a few dogs chicken people who aren't patrons are like, what the fuck do you want about? And maybe an horse.

Your garden sounds... Arcturden. An horse each for me. An horse. Me missus and me kids. Can I have an horse? To ride around the fucking... Yeah.

And then a swimming pool as well. Cool. The horses are welcome in the swimming pool if they get too hot. Cool. I've got a pool boy on the Cool. The horses are welcome in a swimming pool if they get too hot. Cool. I've got a pool boy on the staff to clean the horse shit out of the pool. And you've got a stable hand as well. Yeah.

Yeah. What a fucking non- Gardener can do that. What a non-relaxing little, on a summer's day. Where's Adam? He's in the pool. He's got his lilo out. Where's the horse?

Oh my God, it's in with him. It wouldn't be like Massively deep though You'd just be able to stand there You're eating scrambled egg How often are you cleaning Your pool hours What You're going to clean your pool hours

Hourly He's not going to do anything is he I've got staff I've got a pool boy Right Finn how are you with pills Good chap So sign up at

Patreon.com Slash have a word pod Because Adam is a fucking lunatic and let's be honest we want to see what happens I want to pay my

mortgage off he wants a couple of osses and I'd like a little fucking corner unit couch as well to sit on the side so what's the osse

alright don't dream too big can't afford garden finishes fire pit oh a fire pit garden finishes are expensive

£85 from B&Q you can out afford that now that's not you're not talking Jeff Bezos money are you a fire pit one day when I'm a

billionaire will you go to space Adam no leave that to fucking Jeff I'm going to B&Q for an 85 pound

fire pit what if I want a big one how big two grand or something right a two grand fire pit yeah afford that now right why don't you just use one of the bombed out fucking houses Fire pit. What if I want a big one? How big? It's like two grand or something. Right, a two grand fire pit. Yeah. Can you afford that now?

Right. Why don't you just use one of the bombed out fucking houses that you've knocked down? That's arson. It's your land. It's arson if you set your house on fire. We're getting lost in the weeds here, guys. We're getting lost in the fucking billionaire weeds.

Is it arson if you set your house on fire? And then don't complain. I suppose it's a weird form of renovations, but... Did you do that? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Quite happy about it to be honest. Look. Basta. Get your marshmallow on there. Lovely. Yeah.

Who needs to do house clearances? Just get some fucking petrol. Woof. Right. Petrol's dangerous though, isn't it?

Yeah. So, you want to burn it diesel diesel yeah it's better for the environment what are we even talking about questions

we've got a question from Dan Johnson go to go to secondary go is the go to guy for

questions go to pop a dog eyelids quick question at what age do you hang up He's the go-to guy for questions. Woo! Oh. Go-to. Papa dog. Eyelids. Quick question. At what age do you hang up your dick and balls? What age do you see yourself deciding sex and even wanking is well off the menu? So looking forward, personally, when do you think you will retire, little Vinnie Rowe?

When are you packing it up? When's Chagakal, you know? Chagakan? Chagakal? Chagakal? Chagachagak Carl, you know? Shaggy Carl? Shaggy Carl. Shaggy Carl. Shaggy, Shaggy Carl. I think it's just when you lose the urge to come. Next question.

Straight to the point on that one. Lose the urge to come. I mean, or when, I suppose he's including the wanking, isn't he? So it's not even when Laura, I mean, that's not far off when it's like. When do you lose, is it virility? I don't know, is it? I think it is virility. It's not happening anywhere near 40, mate. I'm not asking you.

No, I know, and I'm just from personal experience. I'm a little bit further down this road. I know this might be naive, but I feel like if I live to 90, I'm still going to be shagging. Just give him six years. Who are you shagging at 90? Whoever wants it.

Wow, you're going to be a rapey pensioner is that some threat no whoever wants it oh I'm sorry I thought you said whoever I want to no whoever wants it okay so I'm

I crucially misheard and I'd like my comments struck from the record okay you're not a rapey pensioner no I'm a shagging pensioner you sound like you're in the UFC

Adam the shagging pensioner do you know what you're in the UFC. Adam the shagging pensioner. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, maybe we'll be like being in the UFC. People can call me out. Yeah, who wants it?

I'm going to suck Adam Rose's dick. At the old people's home. Put it on pay-per-view. Because all the young people now are on YouTube, so they'll just be taking the teeth out. 4am as well.

I know, I'll hit you in room 4 Monday. Put it on pay-per-view, we'll have an undercard. The old def. Oh, right have an undercard the old def oh right that's just the old girl with the teeth out

right yeah you don't go a blowjob you don't go a blowjob with your dentures in fact it's not even funny come on Garth

keep up er er did I want to say like 70 yeah yeah I don't want it to be true, but is it going to be a sad day when you're like,

Do you reckon you know when it's your last one? Do you know what I mean? Do you reckon you're having it like, this is the last one? No. Or do you reckon it's just, you'll just never feel the need to do it again? Like what McLaughlin says,

like there was once a time when you played out with your mates for the last ever time, but you all didn't know. Yeah. Is there a last spaff? It's so sad and beautiful yeah is there a last spaff fucking hell like the last supper i hope i just i i hope it's like i i'd rather die suddenly and not have to deal with like the time i tried to crack one out and my dick was like i'm too old dan can't do it you're gonna have to leave me by the side of the road

i'd rather go out with a bang the last time i like jizz i'd rather it be in a woman rather than onto a tissue i thought you were gonna say and then i get hit by a bus and i'm like what are you doing at that bus now out with the bangers and like banging. On a woman, no? What? On a woman. No, it's better in, isn't it? Always better to leave it in. Feels well better. Yeah. Subtle.

Vagina. It does, though. Yeah, it does. Or a bummo. What? Oh, the vagina feels well better than a bummo. What are you on about? Not even,

not as good. What do you mean? Well, the vagina's way more, I don't know. Roomie? All right, well, I'm learning about your missus. It's designed for it.

It's very serious, isn't it? Like what you're doing with the place. Get a bit of decking. Horse. Swimming pool. Adam on a lilo fuck it up your missus is fat

he's massive no disclaimer it isn't ah you fucking pussyhole that you couldn't get to the end of that we literally just said

Adam would be in your wife's and a horse would be in there and Carl was like pause pause disclaimer

it's not it's dead tight you couldn't even get a pony in I need a meeting after this production meeting Pause, pause. Disclaimer, it's not. It's dead tight. You couldn't even get a pony in. Lads, I need a meeting after this. Production meeting. Stop talking about her fanny like that.

You couldn't get Deccan in my Mrs. Fanny? Fucking hell, lads. Fucking hell. Do you reckon you can get a patio? Porch. No, no, no. Tim's like, not letting this one go. Adam's planning out her family like he's planning out his billionaire household.

I know what you're saying, by the way. The vaginities are more sort of, to quote Jim Jefferies, purpose-built vessel. Yeah, it's better. Or the feeling, because it's naughty, to come in a bumhole.

Now, there's more going on. There's more's more going if we're talking about pure comfort there is only one option surely but if it's all psychological you're like oh what are we doing yeah yeah sorry adam just said coming in a bumhole is comfy and you didn't they're not comfy so it's more exciting it's like going camping it's not better than sleeping in your bed. It's just a bit different. You know what I mean? It's just like going camping. Camping and bumming.

That's what I said to the last woman that I had anal sex with. I was like, oh, babe, this is just like camping. Your arsehole's like a Eurohike 5000. Yeah. I'm not a big... Oh, let's go comfy. When you're young, it's the biggest... It's like, so have you got your brown wings?

It's the biggest thing, isn't it? The brown wings? Is that what you called it? Honestly, back in the days, that was a big thing. It's so childish. And then the reality is... Have you bummed anyone yet? That's what we used to say.

Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Again, not good on the innuendo when you were young. I know what you're going to say. Go on. I remember... What? I do remember, I remember What? I do remember yeah

What? You remember when we used to say that? You bummed anyone yet? Do you remember when we did say that? Do you remember when we used to say that? Which other? In school And maths

I used to ask the bus driver Every time I got on Do you remember the lady we used to work with when we found out oh yeah yeah there was a girl who we used to work with in Zelligs

Zelligs mate it's been a while Zelligs t-shirt's coming very soon I am I cannot wear I want to be the only one that wears the Zellig I think me and Finn

should be the only one wearing the Zelligs merch it's less funny if someone that actually wears the Zellig. I think me and Finn should be the only one wearing the Zellig's merch. It's less funny if someone that actually works at Zellig's is wearing it. There's a girl who worked with us called something. Yeah, Lisa. No, it wasn't Lisa, but someone worked there called Lisa. It wasn't her either. Jeremiah.

Jeremiah. And she was quite open about the fact she loved getting bummed. So we nicknamed her bummed that's what we used to call her you were fucking lying so we'd be like hey bummed

we stocked our fridge hey bummed past the lines and we'd just shout hey bummed did she use the turn of phrase I like getting bummed me

did she say it like that she didn't shout so the me probably wasn't there but it was probably I love getting bummed I don't know where she was from

really I think she was Jamaican I love getting bombed. I don't know where she was from. Really? I think she was Jamaican. I love getting bombed, man. Get on the ground and bomb me in the face. Get on the ground and bomb me in the face. Stick it on the T-shirt. Get on the ground, bomb me in the face.

Get on the ground, bomb me in the face. 70. We've decided 70. Dan. We've decided 70. Dan, we've decided 70. Unless you work with a Jamaican pervert and then as long as you're going to get on the ground and bum it in the face. Oh, yeah. oh yeah so fucking stupid

hey lids you have to get a tattoo of each other but it can't be a portrait just something that represents that person for example if you had a tattoo of finn you might have the welsh dragon eating a turkish kebab what are you getting that represents each other if we could go round to the right if we could go round to the right so adam well if i was going to get finn i'd just start with that and say i'd get the Turkish Prime Minister in Real Sun Centre. Just to flip it. And the Turkish Prime Minister is? President Erdogan. Erdogan.

Yeah. He's a twat. Is it Erdogan? Yeah. You listening? Don't age restrict us though, please Turkey. Please don't age restrict us.

Yeah. Because there are certain world powers who I fucking can't stand, but I have enough influence because they're evil cunts to mess with our labelling on YouTube but I can't see that Turkey's one of them President Erdogan, he's a

right cunt. So you're getting President Erdogan. No I've got to go to the right, I've got to do you haven't I? I've got to do something that represents Cologne. Oh right Can I have a think about it? Come back to me It's in these moments That I start to think

Maybe I should send out A little message With a bit of prep Going guys have a think About this for tomorrow Lads what were you to do? Just come back to me on that Carl what about you?

I just have a chilli sauce bottle. Chilli garlic bottle. Yeah. On me hip. Finn, you've got to get one that represents Dan. Can I get a picture of Laura wearing a Laura's Gone T-shirt? So, you're fucking my wife in her dreams. And you want her to...

You want a tattoo of my wife while she's banging you in her dreams. Yes. Jesus Christ. I'd... For my... So I have to get a tattoo of you. I'll just get two little Adams. I'll just get two little Adams.

It can't be me, can it? Oh, shit. It's not a portrait. Oh, I'll get two big dicks. I'll get two little adders. It can't be me, can it? Oh, shit. It's not a portrait. Oh, I get two big dicks. I get two big dicks. I'd get... Two little dicks. That look.

Two big dicks. I'd get... I'd get a picture of... My left foot, because it's fucking great. I'd get a picture of Takumi Minamino, Liverpool's Japanese footballer, in a Spain top. Like it?

Mixing together my two home countries. Could you say that player's name again in your accent? Takumi Minamino. Wow. That's just a lot of fun. There some things you say and i get them in the earphones and it makes me go but you saying takuni minamino is genuinely lovely okay cool takumi minamino thanks for that or as john barnes once called them in a pre-match build-up. Takumi Minimoto. Minimoto? Yeah.

Doesn't feel acceptable. Did you have them in Preston, Minimotos? Little tiny motorbikes. Minimotos? Yeah, they were literally about this big. Mini superbikes, but like grown men would sit on them. Oh, were they like 125cc? Yeah. And they looked.

And they looked. They had like the Rep all like sponsorship and everything yeah there's one here right that was quick laughing oh my god on the fucking ball one of them let's have a look oh no no no no no okay they're not one two five oh you mean they're actually like it's a motorbike just tiny it's like a clown motorbike essentially like if a clown Like if a clown... What, Scallies used to drive them around? Yeah, if you were a Scally clown... Yeah, there's a police officer but there's not.

A police officer. Please put that picture in. We have seized... That's actually a mum Christmas day. Thanks, mum. We have seized one green Minimoto. Love me, mum.

Off to work. Imagine if he chased people or not. We are actually still pursuing one little person who dismounted the Minimoto and headed into the woods. Little person. That's growth, isn't it? Thank you. Didn't say midget or dwarf.

Oh, growth. Growth. Wrong word there, kid. Minimoto. What's ironic is you showed growth and then I stunted it. Stunted. Like on a bike. Stunts.

So full circle today. Stunted Like on a bike Stunts Now then lads With the Euros Getting going this week I just wanted to ask Which has been The most enjoyable tournament As an England fan Euros or World Cup

I know some of you Are older than the others Dan thank you So it will be interesting To hear Greatest one for me Was Italian 90 Amazing to experience

as a footy-loving kid, as the whole country just came together for one month. I remember my house being in tears at the semi-final loss and my dad taking on a Basil Fawlty-style German rant after the pens. Also, watch your favourite England tournament song. Badillo, Luskiner,

Anton Deck, Lily Allen's dad. World in motion for me. Keep up the outstanding work, fellas. I have forgotten who, I didn't write down who. I think that might be IndyClo. Jordan, Italia90. Jonathan. I was... An older listener because...

Jonathan. Jordan, Italia90. I was still jizzing my dad's bollocks at best. So are you saying that that wasn't your favourite tournament? I'm saying i barely remember i had a little peep out of his dick hole wasn't enjoying the match went back to how long were you in the balls well how long are you in the when was your birthday 92 yeah right i think you might have gone a bit stale in the ball sack kid explains a lot i think my favorite tournament was 2002

because um south korea was it 98 south korea japan was 2002 yeah so that, Japan was it 98? South Korea, Japan was 2002 yeah so that was the one that was stupidly early we used to watch it in school so our school would open up

at like 5 o'clock in the morning and you could go in before school to watch the end of the match was that the Nigeria game was the ridiculously early kick off

I remember the Brazil one the Brazil one as well we got knocked out we finished at like 8am so we watched it oh was that 6am as well yeah

Ronaldinho's Brazil do you know he got sent off in that game did he yeah did he just is that the one he caught Seaman off his line

yeah yeah he got sent off 7 minutes later when he saw that did he we got we got bested by the best team in the competition

though didn't we one of the best team international teams ever they beat Turkey in the semis they did yeah they did remember and then they beat Germany in the competition though didn't we? One of the best international teams ever. They beat Turkey in the semis. They did? Yeah they did.

And then they beat Germany in the final. Yeah. Ronaldo scored too. Yeah I remember that the hyena in Newcastle being open at stupid

in the morning and 300 like tired grumpy Geordies watching England. It was really weird. Like the licensing just opened up.

How old were you then? 10? Were you about 10? 10. Yeah. So I remember Italian 90. It was just as I was getting into football, but I just about remember it.

I remember the Pavarotti song. That was the big thing. It was Nessim Dore or whatever it's called. And every time I hear it, I think most people who were alive then hear it and go, Italian 90s. Pacelli sang it last week, didn't he? Yeah.

The opening ceremony, and I was like, fuck, this is amazing. Yeah. My favourite England song by a mile is Three Lions, though. I don't think anything else comes close. Really? I like how context is on the ball because it's funny. It's a bit stupid.

It's coming home. It's coming home. It's coming. Football's coming home it's coming football's coming so that was Euro 96 and that was when I was bang into football like we

I can't so Italian 90 was massive because England did well we didn't qualify for Euro 92 did we not? I don't think we were there

it was it was Denmark won it against Germany in the final I might be wrong did Michael Laudrup not go to that tournament I think

great because he was like because he played for Denmark and he was their star and he was like we're not going to win it so I'm going to have to sort it off

can't be arsed and then they won it they beat Germany in the final I think Graham Taylor fucked up and we didn't qualify or was it

Sweden oh oh you is it yeah oh it's the World Cup it's the World Cup not English I think Graham Taylor fucked up and we didn't qualify. Or was it Sweden? Oh, you, is it? Yeah. Oh, it's the World Cup. It's the World Cup. Sorry, I've confused it with World Cup 94. We didn't qualify for World Cup 94. Carl getting pissed off there because in his head,

real is Wales, but not really. That's really funny. Mate, Euro 96 though oh my god it was so good that was the that was the most proud like it was an amazing feeling

and when we beat I think we beat the Dutch like 4-1 it was the strangest feeling to be English and being like we're fucking incredible like it felt like

you were amazing and to lose to Germany like we did was just so... Was it the semis we lost? I think we beat Spain in the quarterfinals. Beat Scotland as well, didn't we? That was in the group. I think we drew with Switzerland, beat Scotland, beat Holland.

And we beat Spain on pens. That was a really boring match, as I remember it. And then the semis, Gazza just fell short of just tapping in a ball. Oh, the slide. Just because he was amazing, but he was sort of fat. Just like with his tubby little legs,

like just couldn't quite reach it. I've seen Paul Gascoigne head to toe naked. Wow. In person. Wow. On a picture? No, they can toe naked. Wow. In person. Wow. On a picture. No, they can get a picture now. In your girlfriend's vagina.

Sorry. I like Gascoigne. I was masked off. What a massive in here. Hey, get off the horse. Show a bit of respect. Sorry, go on. I was masked off at Everton.

No humour whatsoever. Carl will fuck around for a bit, but he's like, this is too real. It's not real. Paul Gascoigne wasn't in here Fanny so when was when were you the 2001

so I was nine yeah it's a very valid time to be one of the mascots and do you remember Danny Cadimatri I do

ended up playing for Bradford yeah he was my like he was the person who took me around all day so he showed me like everything

and he went we're going to go into change rooms now you'll be able to see all the players so I sat next to them all and got pictures and I went in and got pictures of

Doug Ferguson people like that Kevin Campbell Is this the one to one era? It was one to one yeah and he opened the door to the next part of the dressing room

and Gazza was just stood there head to toe just next to the door and I'm only a kid and he went he must have been like poor fuck and he slammed the door And I'm only a kid And he went He must have been like Poor fuck

And he just like Slammed the door You alright? I was like Yeah yeah yeah Back then Gaza Wasn't anything to me really Because I was only young

Yeah but then he was Now it's poor Gascon In your head How big was his dick? Based on your memory Quite Good He had a good dick

That's what he's remembered for Isn't it? His dick Yeah It's a wizard I thought totally knocked it over that Scotland fella's head

I've never seen that guy someone should show it someone should show it on TV or the internet he showed that

guy he's on loads this week has he yeah alright cool haven't seen it that's my favourite

thing to do when you're being stupid to just go one level more of stupid and watch you be like is he being no he's taking the piss

but no fact about that game we beat Leicester 2-1 and it was Roberto Mancini's last ever game as a professional footballer playing for Leicester what? Roberto Mancini

I absolutely do I had no idea he played for Leicester he was playing for Leicester in that game and it was his last ever professional game phenomenal O idea he played for Leicester. He was playing for Leicester in that game and it was his last ever professional game. Phenomenal. O'Neill's Leicester.

Was it, yeah? Captain was Darren Goff for Everton and Savage was it for Leicester, I think? I love it when, I know it's well trodden and everything, but when, like on a stag do, they go to the football and they've all had a whip around

and made their 36 year old mate the mascot. When that goes viral, I know it's probably someone else's joke, but it's just amazing visuals. When a club, and it's never the, I don't think the Premier League clubs would let you do it,

but at League One, they're like, mate, if you pay your 85 quid, you can have your dickhead mate. And they come out. And then I've seen one where they go out and he's holding hands with the captain and they just play along with it. It's so fucking funny.

Could you do that? Because I would love to do that for myself, but then just try and not leave the pitch. Just try and play the game. See if anyone notices. I think they'd have a clue. Yeah, but if you just play in between the lines, if anyone notices I think they'd have a clue yeah but if you just play in between the lines

people will just be like oh that's what would make you disappear he's gone between the lines what were the 56,000 people at Anfield doing just couldn't see

between the lines Adam's so silky they were like is that Shaqiri Shaqiri's lost weight hasn't he got thin legs that's from before yeah

just like slot into that attack and mid roll behind the two strikers is that where you see yourself yeah but you've got to kick off that's how you see yourself

camp yeah yeah I can spray a pass oh yeah where are you standing for kick off what

do you want to take on the knee I'll take the kick off because like no one's ever got an eye on the person in the middle they're always like what's the formation here

so they'll be clocking it they'll be like right there no one's ever got the eye on the person who takes the kick off no they're always looking at everyone else is that a common

misconception people will be like there's Salah there's Mane there's Firmino on the TV pictures yeah when the guy

in the middle rolls the ball No one's looking at that You never I don't even see that It's quite zoomed out From the main stand Like if you're just

Like squinting And looking at me It could be It could be Manny Hey If you're really doing this It could be Sadio Manny Yeah

How much sunburn Have you got? Scared yourself there, didn't you? Oh, I had to dry my mouth I think they'd notice If you scored, they'd notice as well Imagine if I scored though Imagine if I managed to stay on the pitch And avoid being clocked for like though imagine if I managed to stay on the pitch and avoid being

like clocked for like two minutes and I managed to score and that's when everyone was like hang on that's Adam Rowe

I love it I love it funny space I love it all Adam needs is two minutes of a Premier League two minutes you just Premier League two minutes

you just give him two minutes obviously he's going to get detected at three he's just got to score in that first two minutes

how many Premier League games have a goal in the first two minutes probably about three percent maybe even less but Adam just needs that time he's the twelfth man

what would you have on your what numbers and name would you have because obviously that's another that's you've got to be careful with that

haven't you because you can't easy Dan getting excited I've just clocked myself in the face for the audio listeners having a great time

and losing control of my limbs you can't have like Gerrard what are you going to no I'm not Stephen Gerrard are you going to have Ro and they'll be like

hang on he's retired that'd be the thing that'd give it away hey Stephen Gerrard's there oh hang on he's retired that's the thing he's managing Rangers

he can't be here I'm almost sure that's him or Manny he doesn't have Ro because if anyone can see it they'll be like I don't know Ro

so he's got to be a player coming through the ranks what about Takumi Minamato what about Takumi Minamart Minamino Minamino

Minamino Minidico yeah I'll have to grow my hair a bit yeah so you're he hasn't played that much anyway What about Takumi Minamata? Minamino. Minamino. Minamino. Minidicko. Yeah. I'll have to grow my hair a bit. Yeah. He hasn't played that much anyway, so people might not even recognise him.

You look more Japanese than not. Yeah. You're taking the role of Takumi Minamino next season for Liverpool. Fucking hell. And no one's going to notice and you're going to score? I'm just saying it's possible.

I'm not saying it's guaranteed. He'll appreciate it. Yeah. He's saying it's guaranteed. He'll appreciate it. Yeah? He's trying to prove himself. He can just have a few... Go on, Oldie. He's at Southampton, isn't he, right now? He's unknown, so that's another problem, isn't it?

Fucking Minamoto's just scored. That's three points gone. I'm not all right with the Mane joke that I did. I'm just having to take that in a little bit. I think we need a moment. Do you want to have a break? Absolute pleasure. Pleasure.

Euro 96 to Gazza's dick very quickly. What's happening, guys? Ooh, look at your outfit. Shocking. You look horrible in that. That's a shitty shirt, jumper, dress, thing, whatever that is you've got on. What you need, lad, is a fucking t-shirt or a hoodie from haveawaredpod.com. You want some official Have A Wared merch? Go to haveawaredpod.com and get some then,

instead of wearing that fucking shite you've got on. It's horrible. You look a joke. Don't be leaving the house like that. You want a hoodie that says rat? That's what you need, lad. Go and halfwaypod.com back part three of four we're back welcome back hope you enjoyed your little break there hope you whatever sponsor we fucking slid in hope you've gone and give them some money so that they keep giving us money you know what i mean adam explaining adverts to you there you go That's adverts with Adam Rowe Scouse accents are always a bit more threatening When they're quiet aren't they

Hey There you go Lad Oh yeah yeah I know what you mean Oh definitely Definitely Yeah

No trouble lad No trouble lad I had that in hot water once you know Did I tell you that That lad do threaten me No I just get threatened every night in hot water Why

Like for kicking people out Alright And and um you're supposed to like and then this lad went to him to the bouncer what's his name the bouncer i can't tell you that he went all right i'll be back don't worry about it i was like that's oh so relaxed he's like yeah because truly influential people on the nasty side, like guns and that, they don't need to shout, do they? Yeah.

They're just nice and calm. He was like, it's all right, lad, don't worry about it. It's like small bounces. Yeah. Small bounces,

they're like got gherka strength. No, but some of them have just got small man syndrome and just decided to learn how to kick people's head in. How do you know the difference till it's too late?

Because the small ones who are like trying to compensate for something very loud and aggressive there we go what's gherka strength do you know the gherkas they were like the that they fought with a tiny little like really like penfold out of danger mouse looking fellas why do you want a lovely girl she does the thing with them she's a gherka Joanna Lumley was a Gurkha Milo's here by the way Milo McKenzie that's not the first time you're going to cut to him

though is it we've not just got Milo going why did they threaten you she's like the head of the Gurkha charity isn't she

she's done the stuff with them yeah is that right yeah she got Gurkha equality she got them the vote equal pay

and they were allowed to live in England thanks for that Joanna Lumley's PR lady yeah they're just the most

like polite smart tiny looking you know but they're the deadliest people like

in terms of the army and stuff like that they just hammer everybody or so I believe I probably don't know as much about it as you I just watched

one advert for joanna lumley and the gakers on itv1 i didn't even watch the program i watched the advert you got what you needed i don't know whether she fought for equality at all and i made all that up no maybe they haven't got maybe they can't even give blood yet i don't even know i think he's i think he's right i think he basically they got citizenship didn't they have to fight him for the for the british i just know they're hard as fuck. They're nails. They're nails, yeah.

But if you ever see Joanna Lumley working the door, you've got to be careful of her because she knows loads of gherkas. It was only this week, by the way, slight sidestep, that the gays were allowed

to start donating blood. Yeah, yeah. The gays. The gays. It's a victory for the gays. Nice. My mate was a phlebotomist in the whirl and he said it's on the thing sounds like a posh fucking bar doesn't it have you been to the phlebotomist yeah yeah

the cocktails are amazing i don't know if they they actually said are you gay on the form you're giving blood but you have to say like have you ever been anally penetrated by a man and stuff like that or in the last three months have you i think i might be getting it wrong but i think it's because some stis uh take up to three months yeah to be detectable so they didn't want any like aids blood that was that was the logic behind it i have only just put together what a phlebotomist is from that last comment blood missed i wasn't sure it's a blood container yeah a blood cunt now i know that now but when he said it i was like ah sounds like a cocktail bar and then in my head i was like i don't actually know what's happening so the anal penetration seems like an

aggressive bit of the questionnaire if you're like getting your eyes done at spec savers brilliant are you nearsighted or farsighted you've been fucked in the arse only in the last three months Jesus Christ yeah but the gays can give blood now

yeah good one good for them are you going to argue against this now no no no I just want to know why they were arsed

do you know what I mean not like bummed I don't mean arsed. Do you know what I mean? Not like bummed. I don't mean arsed. Do you want a spade, Adam? You know how I wanted to give blood, and they were like, oh, Scousers can't give blood. You'd be up in fucking arms.

I wouldn't. Scouse Twitter, I'd be off. Steph Johnson would be at blood banks. Yeah, but I wouldn't. That's what I'm saying. I think a lot of... You'd have a chance to kick off. Oh, I'd be off. Steph Johnson would be at blood banks. Yeah, but I wouldn't. That's what I'm saying. I think a lot of... You would.

You'd have a chance to kick off. Oh, I'd just be like, oh, well, that's something I don't get to do. I mean, I get why they

were a bit more upset. Scouse blood for fucking Scousers. There's been a car crash near Wigan. They'll fucking... They're not having our blood.

They don't want it. They're not allowed it. Yeah, you'd be absolutely mentally about it, surely. Not you, particularly. Scousers. But if the Tory government they don't want it they're not allowed it yeah you'd be absolutely mentally about it surely not you particularly scousers but if the Tory

government said no scouse blood is allowed to leave Merseyside good god do you reckon if Boris Johnson needed a blood transfusion

they were like only got a fucking scousers who's the only IB positive in the whole fucking gaff wow

do you reckon he'd be like nah I mean you'd really think that the Illuminati and the Masons and whoever else shady fucking

like groups and clubs that he's a part of would really let him down they're like Boris has been an excellent there's no blood apart from this

from Crocky I've got some Crocky blood I love how in your head Boris Johnson needs a blood transfusion and a representative of the Illuminati the Masons

and then the clubs he's involved in yeah he's squashed all all gonna meet him right who's got ib positive who's got it if he is in the illuminati or was and the whole pandemic's been planned to make a cash-free artless society they didn't tell him about it do you know what i mean he's been left out of that conversation if it's all a massive he's not acting like someone who knows what the fuck's going on of course not he's been given the boot he's the puppet

for the Illuminati that's what I thought this week you know when the Newsnight journalist I forget his name it's Nick something he got like harassed

didn't he leaving the BBC building by Nick Robinson anti-lockdown anti-mask anti-vax people they were all like

you traitor you scumbag, you fucking asshole. You're making people believe in this thing. What I don't get about those people is they can't possibly think that there's a worldwide conspiracy that the host of Newsnight is in on. Do you know what I mean? You can't keep it under wraps

with people that low down, the Illuminati pecking order, knowing about it. So this guy's just, even if they're right and there's an Illuminati thing to make everything going on, they're not telling Newsnight or Boris Johnson. It's literally the elites, isn't it? Yeah, of course. They're not telling those runners.

I love it, how in Adam's breaking down of it. It could be happening. It probably is happening, but you're talking about where the information gets to. You're rejecting it as a concept you're saying it's not filtering down to like the head of the political like whatever what is he nick robinson's like the lead political editor or something isn't it news night right and he does the puppets on cbbs and he does the puppies on cbbs yeah yeah yeah he does justin's house yeah yeah yeah well but that's cuts with the bbc they've got to double up on them see the robot guy

justin for justin justin my kids have just grown out of the justin phase as well i i honestly i always i first time i saw him i, there's something not right about you. The BBC. Fucking, this is the BBC with Justin. Please don't be a nonce. They've literally put all their fucking chips into the Justin bow. If he's a nonce, there will never be children's television on the BBC ever again. He's the Bill Burr of children's TV.

He's like Chappelle and Burr rolled into one. I wouldn't let my children near any children's TV presenters. Who's the one who wears like the mad webs and that? They're all weird

at the very least. I like Justin, Justin, I would say, I don't know anything about him. I'd say he still lives with his mum. I'd say he was bullied

as a kid. He looks like a large baby. I mean mean he does it's brilliant you can't it's just I don't know there's something in my

radar every time could you get him off on the screen so I can see what it looks like yeah this might be

really unfair and completely I think it is I've had to sit through it I think it is but it's definitely funnier that you're

calling him an absolute weirdo but I think he earns a like 400 grand a year or something oh him way more than that

oh Mr Tumble yeah that's all you needed to say oh sorry Mr Tumble yeah that's one of his he's got like he looks like the head

of a garden section at B&Q do you know what I mean do you know what I mean though like if he come up to me and show me like where the mint plants were I wouldn't question it

Yeah If he walked up to you and went Not in that Not in the clown costume You're doing some of the charity today Do you want to find those plants? So he has to be squeaky clean Can we find out what he's paid please

I'm going to guess he's on a million a year Hang on he's married Did that just say he's married? He's paid, please. It has to be squeaky clean. I'm going to guess he's on a million a year. No. Hang on, he's married. Did that just say he's married? Oh, he's on nothing. I'm not having that. I'm not having that because why is it in dollars? His net worth is 1.5 million.

Yeah, but some of these are so like, you know Ryan Cullen, Irish comedian? Apparently, according, his net worth is 11 million pounds. Right. Do you know what I mean? I don't know where they get the data from. He's not married. Do you think there might be another Ryan Cullen? Will you check my net worth?

I've never done this. I think it says below, it has like below a certain number for people who don't know whose it is. So it'll say below 500K probably. 1.38 million. Adam Rose current net worth of 1.38 million. Oh, that's the actor, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, don't worry. That's the actor. The IRS isn't coming after you. I've acted. That's not bad. $900,000. Is that like assets and everything? Art director, art department, and production designer.

Right. I think they've lumped the two of you together. Known for movies. Oh, even in Dexter. Dexter, Parks mad men and criminal minds you've been keeping you're not usually keeping your career that quiet but apparently you were in mad men before you ever did an open spot so not really your style on social media to keep it hush hush that's you isn't it yeah oh no no don't go don't do that thing when they go on

we did that put to Paul Smith it's so good let's see it it's public information people can google it anyway if they want let's have a look

there you go Adam Rowling limits of credit report how much have I got no don't go on credit score that's going to be embarrassing

doesn't say it's just a list of every star who's missed it Dom Tov and Isaac Jacobs No, don't go on credit score. That's going to be embarrassing. Doesn't say. It's just a list of every star. Who's Mr. Yomtov Eliza Jacobs? Who's that? My middle name is not Michael either. Who's running my company? Have you registered as a company? Yeah, I'm Adam Rowland.

I'd be Adam Rowland comedian. That's not you, is it? Mr. Yomtov Eliza Jacob is now ripping you the fuck off. He only lasted. No, he resigned in 2013. He resigned the same day that he started. Disgrace.

He's joined your company. It was, look, it was like, fuck that. I'm out of here. To be fair, the company in 2013 was making negative equity.

There we go. Let's have a little search of that nightingale i'm not a limited company thank fuck all right i'm a sole trader who doesn't have his financials on the internet although to be fair neither does adam because that was some other cunt that has whatever dr jacobs you're off to get it lad thanks lad. Thanks. Nice one. That's so funny. If you search Dan Nightingale comedian, the second result is my Wikipedia page. Nice. That is so depressed.

That sums up my career so badly. Hang on. My second Google spot is... Can you open my wiki? Adam Rowe is an English comedian, broadcaster and songwriter from Liverpool. Rowe is perhaps known best for his love of pegging. Nice. Roe was brought up in Dovecott and West Arby at his Liverpool.

Roe started the maths degree at the University of Liverpool because he did really well at school, but did not complete it in order to concentrate on performing comedy. True. Have you seen his personal life? Roe has been in a long-term relationship for many years. His partner's name is Sensei Carl, and although she belittles him at every opportunity in the pod they seem very happy if not slightly

volatile so where'd the pegging thing come from there is this like lies it's like oh i don't i don't like getting bummed but i had a stand-up routine about it yeah so you tried it no didn't you no surely if that's going to be a well-informed stand-up routine, you've got to... No, the routine was about how I didn't want to do it. Oh, fair enough. Have you tried it? Have I tried it? Have you?

I've had it, not a full, like... Fist? Nah. Not a fist. Not like a kind of an Italian... Chef's kiss. Yeah. No, I've had a vibrator on there.

It was awesome okay we're gonna have a little break now cockyogurt.co.uk have you not no ever I've had a finger up my ass

yeah it was the same just slightly bigger finger innit no it's a plastic vibrating finger innit yeah pretty much

if your missus if your missus slips on a finger you can be like I can see how this panned out yeah if she slips from a vibrator without asking

I think you're a victim I'll tell you what it's like right I'll tell you what it's like first of all it feels like you're getting bullied right it's horrible

it's just like fuck this the idea of this or however is better right why but why does it feel like why

what about it because it's just she took us money as well yeah because she's whispering in your ear if you tell anyone about it? Because it's just... She took his money as well. Yeah. Because she's whispering it in your ear. If you tell anyone about this. And then it kind of feels awesome.

And then it doesn't. It's like, it's a weird one. I don't think I fully relaxed. I don't think I enjoyed it to the capacity that you could potentially enjoy it to. Was it a strap on? It was a long time ago. Was it? No.

That's not pegging then? It's not brave. It's semi pegging. Whatever the's it's semi semi pegging whatever the next semi pegging grade down what is it not pegging what's it defined as pegging is strap on getting bummed by a woman right what do you i'll be i'd have the vaping version of if that was cigarette right okay i see what you mean sanitized version yeah but i think that's why surely most people start i. I don't know. Why wouldn't you try it?

Would you try it because you'd be afraid if you enjoyed it and it'd be something you'd have to bring up No, it's not about that because I don't mind a little tongue on me, but more so I obviously like it. Why are you getting so coy? I don't want to be...

Why are you hiding? Because it's just something you're fucking... No, I'm not. I just... We spend, honestly, about 30% of this podcast talking about Adam's IBS. I do as well. So I am not the only one who's going,

ooh, this is not really where we've been talking about having tongues a lot in the podcast. It just made me go, brave girl or boy. I've never touched anyone's mouth. Ever. The tonguing thing is nuts because it feels sensational. But the other side of you, it's hard to shut off from like, oh God, like what's going on for you down there? Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, is it like, I mean, it sounds fun. You've never been tongued or probed? I never asked for it. Do you know what I mean? Oh, I've asked Laura for a snuffle, but she's not into it. What's a snuffle? Snuffling for truffles. What is it?

Oh, like rimming. Is that right? Is a snuffle rimming? Oh, get in there. Does that have a word? Get in the scrunt. No, like, rimming. Is that, is a snuffle rimming? Oh, get in there. Does that have a word? Get in the scrunt. No, she's not keen. No, I don't ask for it,

but if it happens, it happens, doesn't it? You don't ask for it. No. Just happens. Just happens. How does it just happen? Just the tongue ends up down there. When she's improvising.

If the lady in question wants to lick me bumhole, I'm not going to stop her, but I'm also not going to ask for it. All right. So what is it, a surprise? Like, are you tying your shoelace? Whoop. No, it's not like when we're on the way out yeah it's while we're already having sex maybe a young lady is sucking on my bellend and then she goes for now i'll leave that for a

bit i'll just rub it right i'll let it happen but if if you had someone at the beginning who looked at it like like right i'm gonna item and I'm going to make this fucking amazing for you. Right, list me five things you want me to do. Like a bit of pre-sex admin. Would you put that in the list? Oh, good question. I get quite hungry after sex. The first thing would probably be pre-heat the oven.

Like literally the oven downstairs. Turn the oven on, get that ready. Right. The chicken strips. Pre-heat the oven. Yeah. Pre-heat the oven. And then ready right the chicken strips preheat the oven yeah preheat the oven and then preheat your own oven

fucking absolutely right wank me off suck me dick lick me arsehole jump all over me telecom nah you're getting coy number five yeah

and then put the chicken in the oven and then chicken dippers let me fork you let me pull you there jizz on. And then chicken dippers. Let me fork you. Let me pull you there. Chiseling your tits. Chicken dippers. Any sauce?

There's no direct answer there, right? Which I swear means there's some fetish that he's not talking about. No, I know. Oh, Milo. I'm very open about the fact that I like a little tennis skirt. I like the idea of it,

but the reality, what you're talking about, I think you explained tennis skirt I like the idea of it but the reality what you're talking about I think you explained it beautifully is how I imagine it like bit weird at first then there's a sweet spot

and then afterwards you're like oh god which is like all masturbation has a bit of like oh god

I think I think the high doesn't like doesn't justify the low what you need to stop wanking on roller coasters 4,000 patrons there's never a mid wank dip

where I'm not enjoying it no I'm talking about at the end when you go that's what he's talking about he gets to the The middle part And it's like

Whey Yeah And then afterwards You're like I've got something in my bum bum Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah that bit Yeah The reality check Right after it's finished Exactly Because Because like you'd You know

If you'd got there It's the second after you've You know Come anyway Which is A moment that Carries enough weight And then the thing's

Got to come out Fucking idiots I just think If you finish sex and something needs to go in the dishwasher something's not right you can't dishwasher strap on thanks for that johnny fax you have to do that by hand in the sink with its own scrubber but you know that scrubber goes in the bin but you've never done it adam i think I think you've got to try this shit, though, and find out if you like it. Do you know what I mean? No, you don't.

Like, I don't want to. No, I'm talking about years ago, right? Because I'm married now, and I'm a married person's sex, which is sort of very different, but better in its own way. And you know what I'm talking about. It turns into something else. Like, when you're younger and single, it's like, oh, nasty reward sex, where it's sort of a bit

whatever stranger i happened to be fucking 20 years ago and and like you know and then and then i don't know when i was younger i think i was single and i was taking advantage of that but then you get in a marriage a relationship you start having love sex and it's just different isn't it sort of you have to get used to it did you find that because when you like i think i think booze changes it up when you're in a long-term relationship you have like the normal sex you're like you i know what you like you know what i like and it's really and then there's like the time when you stay over somewhere for a wedding and all of a sudden you've had three sambucas and all like it gets your wife goes from like i love you so much you're the father of my children then

it's like yeah i think that i think booze adds a layer of yeah mystique to it without that it's pretty standard like this we could almost do the positions to like this is how we start and then you get irritated by me doing this badly and then you go on top powder powder it's quite a rhythm to it yeah and if i if i change something up there's a there's like a noticeable like like, from Laura, like, oh! Having an affair. What's this? Surprise, surprise. Good on you.

Like, it's that notable. But if we're away, there's been a bit of booze involved. It's literally like two different people. Yeah, yeah. In my experience. Yeah, man. And the one time we did a bit of cocaine, fucking hell, that got great. That was great fun.

Before we had kids, there was one night where we got a bit of coke in and it like, it was epic. I think that was the high point of our sexual performance. And that was about five and a half years ago. And you, it's tough, isn't it? Because you don't want to make that a thing. You don't want to make that a thing that you do. Oh no, Laura's completely done with that. And I'm pretending to be.

I had a drive up yesterday. I got up early in the morning and i had to drive up to the gig and then we did the two gigs and i'd um i'd had a load of coffee and and at the end of the second gig there's somebody who comes to see me sometimes and and she messaged me and i came to meet her and it was a bit weird because you know in hot water where the green room is everyone's filing out and of course i'm in there in character but i'm not going to hold character talking to this person right because she but I'm not going to hold character talking to this person, right? Because she knows I'm not going to.

So these people are filing out. Just for anyone who doesn't know, Milo doesn't perform as himself on stage. He performs as a character called Troy Hawk. Yeah, I essentially sort of have this embroidered blanket and just hide my true self behind that every time I can. Very well though.

Thank you very much but i'm talking to this woman and i'm kind of a bit distracted you know when you're like i just want to sort of you're very nice and i want to see you but i want to get back there and have a drink and tour and she sent me a message uh today guys i don't know if you're tired or what or spaced out or you're on something because really you need to think about your wife and kids and she was basically implying that i was on heroin or something like that. Like I was that spaced out and she was sort of, hang on, I'll read you the message now. Would you try heroin?

Would I? No. I don't. No, yes. Christ. I think I would. I don't see why not. No, no, please don't.

He's done. That's how the mask says. That is every third episode. I try quite a lot. No, she sent me this message and she said. I try heroin and then pegging. That's how that would go down. Hang on.

So this was before the gig you were chatting to her? I was chatting to her after the gig. Oh, after the gig. Right. This is the teacher in me coming out now. And sorry, Rosella, if you're watching, but it's all very sweet. As a teacher, I was worried about you after I left.

Not sure if you were tired, ill or on something, but you seem spaced out. If tired, don't burn yourself out. You've got a packed few evenings ahead. Get rest. I hope you pick up. If it's the latter, do whatever makes you happy

as long as you don't deliberately hurt anyone. I've lost people to drugs. Take it easy. Think about your beautiful little girls and your stunning wife. They would be devastated if anything happened to you. Not a lecture,

just a loving concern for your wellbeing. Would miss you if anything happened. I'd had three coffees and I was a bit smacked. Wow. But she's so lovely. You had three coffees and it has the effect on you.

Basically, she tried to do an intervention via Instagram messages. 100,000% and it's all really well-intentioned and sweet. But like, I come across quite intense

sometimes anyway and I didn't realise until we did some gigs and you said to me, I think it was in wherever the fuck it was, the skiing gigs. Oh, we went on some skiing gigs, I remember. And you said to me, well, you're quite intense. And I was like, am I intense?

And you went, are you intense? Like, you fucking... I wasn't having a go. No, I know. But it was the first time I realized. I was like, oh, yeah. We were having a conversation and you, I think, intensities came up and I was like, yeah, Milo're intense it's it's i love your company yeah but when you're

having a conversation about it you could be like i'm thinking about sort of like getting a new lawn mower and you're like fuck yeah what kind of lawn mower are you gonna get you really need to think about petrol electric gonna get rechargeable what kind of width do you want on the lawnmower and then all of a sudden you're like this is the most intense and you don't give a shit about lawnmowers but you're so good whenever you critique my stand-up i almost feel like oh god someone like sees me too much like it's really on point and everything yeah and it was just because intensity came up so i went yeah because you're kind of intense and i remember you reacted like i've never been called intense before. Yeah, but you're absolutely right. Because most people who are intense are also violent.

So people don't tell people they're intense in case they mad at them in their sleep. Yeah, Milo is the friendliest, nicest guy ever with the intense. You're a bit intense instead of being like, oh, Big John's angry. Do you know what's hammered it fucking home for me? And I don't know if you're seeing this with your kids when i see how intense my eldest is and she's basically me

i'm looking at that now and i'm going oh fuck like i've been like that my whole life bless her and it's not a bad thing it's just full on do you know what i mean oh i remember that that reminds me of when we were sat there at dinner and the australian wife of the guy simon who we were staying with and we were all just sat having dinner, and she'd had a few wines, and she was like eyeballing you. And I clocked her eyeballing Milo. She was like,

you know when someone's just a bit pissed and it's getting a bit intense? And then the conversation was flowing all around, and then she just went quite, like a little too loud because she'd had a beer over someone else talking already. Went, you could be a model. Oh, fuck. You could have been a male model.

And the whole table was like, okay, roll your flaps up, Janet. Jesus Christ. Do you want to get your vagina out here on the dining table? I think he's already eating. Jesus Christ, it was the most intense moment. So she topped your intensity for that fucking 10 seconds. Yeah. So what do you say to that?

What do you do? The husband's just sitting there. We talked about that on the Kai Humphries episode where we almost died on the side of a mountain because you got in your head about, talking about the intensity, you got in your head about skiing and you decided that you just couldn't do it

Problem was we were about a mile and a half Up a fucking mountain I just want to say this And it's going dark I've never been skiing before But I'm going to altitude Yeah I have been skiing a couple of times

But just indoors Next year I'm going to altitude And I'm fully convinced That I'm going to be on the highest best slope By the end of the week Yeah Everything checks out Everything checks out I'm sure that'll work out Everything best slope by the end of the week. Yeah. Everything checks out. Everything checks out.

I'm sure that'll work out. Everything checks out. You've got a low centre of gravity, you'll hammer down that fucking hill. A really high centre of gravity. Yeah. It's like hard on a lemon. High centre of gravity

is in my chin, I think. If he nods, he can fall over. Try a bit dizzy. Just at every head. We were fine. We got down. not you just got in your own head i kai's a good skier yeah what happened was i've done it like four times on an empty slope and i was going down red runs super fast and i was like right i fucking got this and then the first

time we did it i hit a bit of ice and i went over and i ripped my thumb open and that was it i was in my head oh yeah and and then we were stuck at the very top and it was like seven and it was starting to get dark and we were panicking and yeah. It wasn't quite seven, was it? It was, it was something really innocuous, like quarter to five,

which is late enough. Yeah. Cause once it goes dark, it goes dark. The new, the point I knew were in a bit of a weird spot is as we were halfway down, the snow plow was going up the mountain with its lights on, which is basically what they do at the

end of the day they just smooth over all the ski runs and we're like come on milo you're fine and he's doing like that was pizza french fries are you gonna take lessons when you get when you get i would i would take i'm gonna go to chill factor in manchester like right every week until i go i remember literally i'll come with you that would be amazing you had a very odd relationship with sweets on that holiday I remember you're like buy a massive box of sweets have three of them and then fucking hoy him off somewhere and I remember um in the morning you guys had been out the night before in the morning we were walking past this hedge going into town and there were all these like dead jelly snakes and sort of

bloated jelly babies that had been slung in the hedge and had been rain bloated and there were all these like dead jelly snakes and sort of bloated jelly babies that had been slung in the hedge and had been rain bloated and they were just sat there dying like tiny jelly corpses i was like that's so disgusting you know why it was because i'd done that diet and i'd starved myself of all the fun stuff yeah and i used to get sugar cravings so we'd go to like the french supermarket i'd spend however many euros, just like a stupid amount of euros for pick and mix. You'd buy like a fuckload and then have one. Then I'd be eating them on the way home

and then be like, you big fat sugary slap. And just grab them and throw. And then I wouldn't throw the packaging in the thing, but I'd literally throw the jelly beans away. So the animals could have them. No, so I wouldn't eat them. So were spoiled yeah yeah like nightingale we saw fucking pick a mix in the hedge like have you got better at skiing since no i haven't ever done it since

i just i hate being shit at stuff all right it's a real problem i'm like this i if i'm shit i just don't do it anymore yeah i hate being shit stuff and i love stuff with a high gradient of improvement where you can get better with technique and stuff like comedy or like boxing or something like that stuff that's hard but you can commit to but if i'm shit at something it's like i'm not going to be happy unless i love it i hate being shit at things yeah and with skiing you've also got to put up with it's a weird leveler you could be the best comedian in that group of comics and there could be someone who's clearly like the newbie or whatever but if they've skied for 20 years it is a weird thing where all the status goes you could be the headliner the absolute name

and then all of a sudden this guy like who's this someone's mate or whatever is an expert skier and and you go it's like not being able to walk and then you can see someone just like flowing around it's a really weird thing to get your head around going i don't like this i'm really good at life and then all of a sudden we're on a mountain and you're the fucking ninja and i can't i can't stand up yeah have you ever been skiing never no no never do Like, never. Do you want to, though? Yeah, I can't wait. Yeah. The skiing abroad's special, and altitude is particularly special because it's not like when we went to the Alps,

it was because there was a guy from Llandudno who won the lottery. He lasted six months in Wales. All his mates started pestering him, and he went, fuck this, I can't be asked for a loan at the pub anymore. So he bought a chalet got a massive mortgage and then he likes comedy

so he just gets three comics over every winter or did do and he sort of hands it over so the three that go there'll be one

from the last trip and then the next one is handed over it's really quite nice Altitude's different because it's famous comedians and I was there

with Bill Burr and Sean Locke. And just by chance, I think I've talked about it on pod before. Bill, sorry. That was a fucking good Bill. I was going to add it. Bill Bailey and Sean Locke. And we got the transit from Munich airport to Austria, which took a few hours.

So I'd met them. And there was just one point when I'd been skiing on my own. I'd gone out skiing on my own because I can't remember who my mate was in altitude. And they weren't as good or they were with their missus who couldn't ski. So I just went for a ski off on my own. And I'd stopped at a little cafe halfway down the mountain. I was just having some chips. And Sean Locke and Bill Bailey sort of just trudging because they'd gone skiing together.

And they're like, All right, Dan. And there are, we've talked about this, these moments where you go, comedy has put me in some of the most mental situations ever. But when you're eating fucking French fries on your tod on the side of an Austrian mountain and Bill Bailey and Sean Locke just come in, clumping in on the ski boots.

All right, Dan, you're like, this is just mental. Yeah. And it's beautiful. But I'm really, I don't know if, I don't know who you're going out with. Has it been announced? They've started to announce some of the comics that are going. I think Sloss is going.

I think Kai is going. Andrew Maxwell, Marcus Brigstocke. Yes, they're boys, isn't it? Yeah. I am going this week I'm sure I told you this off pod but not on pod

on Tuesday this week I'm going indoor skydiving quite excited about that is that in one of those tube things that blows you up so you're like

8 feet off the ground 80 80 up to 80 feet alright yeah so a huge tube when you told me about it,

I sounded so thick because I was like, that's a big building, isn't it? That you can jump off a ledge and then have a parachute, but it's actually like a wind turbine thing.

Essentially, yeah. You just go, wah. I cannot do heights at all. Me neither. I worked on, I worked with my mum's ex-partner on like,

I had to go up some scaffolding and it was windy and it was so rickety. I was like, I can't get down from this. I can't get down from this scaffolding. And he's like, what do you mean? It's like, I cannot fucking like, my brain had gone. I've frozen. And he's like, well, we're going to-

A bit like that mountain that time. A bit like that. It's also up high. And I was like, I can't, I can't move backwards because this is rattling. Fuck. And he goes, what are you going to do? I'm going to climb up the roof

and go through the skylight, right? So I just climbed up the roof. You went higher? Somehow. Because it was like, it felt like I was in control. Other than backing off of this wobbly scaffolding, I went higher. And like, basically the skylight was open

and I fell through this dude's room and he's in there in his pants and I just kind of like had to fall into his room and just go mate like

I'm really sorry Freda Heights and that's how you got into Peggy that's how I got into Peggy that's how I felt bullied then wonderful then awkward

what did the fella say he's just really calm about it he's just like oh yeah fair enough I had to explain you're not the first. You're not the first, lads.

You won't be the last. Go ahead. Because I thought, I can't just, I've got to fill this in. Because if this were me, with someone falling in the room, I'd have to know every fucking thing that led up to this happening. So I said, here's what happened, mate. I've offered to help my mum's boyfriend. I'm not a labourer.

I haven't got a clue what I'm doing. I just fancied 80 quid. I've gone up there. I've misjudged my fear at heights. I've realised I can my mum's boyfriend. I'm not a labourer. I haven't got a clue what I'm doing. I just fancied 80 quid. I've gone up there. I've misjudged my fear at heights. I've realised I can't go back down. So I thought the only way I could. And he's sitting there in his pants going, all right.

And he went, you could have been a model. And then he fucked me up the arse. Imagine if he was gay and he tried that chattel flying off you. Did they fuck him in? I mean, to be honest.

At that point. that gay guy sounds really like someone like yeah lad he's got a bit of leeway at that point though surely if I've just fallen

into his bedroom do you know what I mean there's a fella see I always wonder how I'd react if someone was just in me house like that

but because my instinct if I woke up and someone had just fell through me before whatever I was watching it my instinct if i woke up and someone just fell through me before whatever i was watching it my instinct would be to grab my baseball bat on my axe and scream at them to get me out my house you'd either hit them or fuck off wouldn't you yeah yeah right but like i remember years ago when i lived with my dad me and my dad were in the living room and

my dad always has his back his patio door open he's just one of those guys heating on full blast door open so the heating is just those guys heating on full blast door open so the heating is just a waste of money and we just hear the noise in the back garden and there was just a lad who just jumped over the fence

and me dad went what the fuck do you want mate and he went I'm being chased by some lads and I've just jumped over your fence I'm really sorry so I grabbed the biggest knife in the kitchen

and just stood behind me dad with a knife and then the fella went lad I just want to walk through your house and i just followed him through the house with the knife and he just fucked off what age were you i was six 17 18 wow at that point though at that point are you not you know who caught you lad are you not worried about the lad being chased like he's gonna get battered have you not have you ever been battered by a group of lads uh yeah yeah and did that not psychologically like

fuck you up for ages because it did me yeah i got i got punched in preston we got chased into a sport shop the manager of the sport shop shouted at them and and basically did the adams house version of of that he let us go through the stock room and out into the back lane. Yeah. He didn't follow me with a knife. Fucking watch out for the shin pads. But yeah, I didn't go back.

Why don't you just put a different jacket on and just walk past the lad chasing you? I'm like, all right, mate. It's not Tom and Jerry's. I tried to do that once. Because I'd have stolen a jacket. Then I'm getting twatted in a stolen jacket. I tried to do that at club when i was a student in liverpool uh i i fucking we were going in the

club and and i said how much is it to the bouncer and this is a night that all the students we'd all been excited about everyone was going and and i said how much is it and it goes oh 12 pounds if you're from down south most and i was just like well like, well, and I used one of my dad's, like my dad's an old school comic. So I used one of my dad's stock lines on him. And I said, well, I can't take the piss out of you, can I? He goes, why not? I said, because nature beat me to it, right?

Which is just this heckle foot down line from the 70s that I pulled out in the 90s, right? But the dude's mates, the other bouncers fucking lost it and started pissing themselves, right? And I was just like, oh, win, win, win. No, but you're not fucking coming to me. All right, you're not. And like three of my mates came away with me

and there was about 30 of us and we planned this all. And they were fucking upset with me. They were like, all right, I'll tell you what we'll do. You give me your glasses, I'll wear your jacket, I'll fuck my hair up, we'll go straight'll tell you what we'll do. You give me your glasses. I'll wear your jacket. I'll fuck my hair up. We'll go straight past the guy and we'll go straight in. And it worked. Like, it worked.

I went in and the glasses and the hair was all fucked up. And then my mate's jacket. And we were like, oh, isn't this incredible? And at a certain point, my vanity got the better of me. And I was like, fuck wearing these glasses. I want to get my quiff back. I want to, you know. So I did all of that.

Came out within 30 seconds of re-quiffing myself i came back out into the room and i remember putting my drink down turning around and there's five bouncers around me and it was a 70s theme night and they had these go-go dancers who were like 70s themes it's called love bug or something like that it was in town and i'd been eyeing this dancer for like weeks and we'd had this sort of like rapport and she put me on the guest list and stuff and I was cracking my way into it and then these bouncers grabbed me. Now, because I'd been beaten up when I was 11 by four lads,

I had an over-exaggerated response to physical threat. It just got stuck in my head. These bouncers grabbed me and they were taking me to this alley and I just went, fuck that. And I had superhuman strength out of nowhere and I grabbed onto this railing, right, with both hands and they're pulling me so I'm went, fuck that. And I had superhuman strength out of nowhere. And I grabbed onto this railing, right, with both hands. And they're pulling me, so I'm horizontal, okay?

And fucking I am not letting go of this railing because I'm like, that's death. They're going to kill me. That is fucking death right there. And I was hanging on. And I leaned up like that. And the go-go dancer's looking at me like, what the fuck? And I don't know why, I went, help me.

I don't know what she could have done. I'm going with her pom-poms and started fucking them up. But eventually, they like started working on my fingers. They worked out. They worked on my fingers. Got me to the alley

and I saw the alley and I was like, they worked out. Lads, I'm sorry. He's using his fingers. Are you sure it's not madness, Brian?

We fucked them fingers. He's fucked his fingers. Are you sure it's not madness, Brian? We fucked them fingers. He's fucked, lads. Yeah, and they got me. He's not on without his fingers, this cunt. He's gripping. He's gripping that pearl. Hang on. He's holding the rail.

I thought he could levitate. It took so long. I literally thought, I'm dead. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. And they got me in this alley. And I don't know what happened, but as soon as I got my feet,

I ran all the way from the centre of town to Kensington, which is where I lived. And I didn't stop once. I sprinted all the way back to Kensington. And suddenly it was like half 10 and I was home alone. But that was the thing. I had this, because I got beaten up when I was 11, I had this real unbelievable sort of nervous reaction any time I thought I was going to get the shit kicked out of me.

It was really embarrassing. That's why I started boxing. I didn't go back to Preston Town Centre for about two or three years. It's horrifying, isn't it? It was irrational because there's just some young kids just going around lamping lads. It wasn't even a hard punch, but... It becomes the place, then.

I was a soft kid, and these were from the rougher bit of Preston. Yeah. And I just... It's not the physical beating or anything. It's the fact... It's real fear. It's probably the first time in your life

when you're like, oh, my God, I'm really scared. And that had a knock-on effect for a while as well. Yeah, because till you've been hit, you don't really... It's a mystery, isn't it? And then you get hit, and you're like, oh my God, I'm really scared. And that had a knock-on effect for a while as well. Yeah, because till you've been hit, you don't really, it's a mystery, isn't it? And then you get hit

and you're like, oh shit, this can happen. You lived in Kensington and Liverpool? Yeah. I went to uni in Liverpool. Yeah,

I went to uni in Liverpool. I didn't know that. Kenny, mate? I've never known that. Like the rough end of Kenny. You and Kenny. Adam thought you ran all the way back

to South Kensington to the museums. You're the only person I know Who can do an actual Scouse accent Thank you very much What What What

Can you say In a Scouse accent What Easy He can't do it Bad Dean Coughlin taught me Gotta go down easy yeah he can't do it yeah what bad bad no Dean Coughlin taught me gotta go down

word word what's a fucking frog from the Budweiser I've heard it in 2001 word yeah I remember when you did it with Phil Berto the first time

it fucking finished me that's gone back a life that's going back a long time nine years like yeah before I did Troy Hawke I did another character called Phil Berto

which you're really proud of and want to talk about loads I can tell from your general body language from the international circuit that's when I first

worked with you Nottingham Jonglers so Phil Berto was your first character wasn't it your first comedy character why don't you like

why don't you like it because it's quite clear from your body language and your face you don't like it so it's kind of like if you think back to your sets from 10 12 years ago that you've evolved past right do you do you you went sometimes right what you do you win sometimes yeah a little bit your old material and your old sense yeah it's almost like that it's like it is

like that it's like what was i trying to do what was what was the point of it and it wasn't until like nick doody one night and he said this to me because he decided he liked me and i was so grateful he did he's like and i just ripped the gig and he sort of said to me like why are you doing it and i was like oh well it works he goes yeah but why are you doing it and then i had to sort of go yeah why the fuck am i doing it do you know what i mean and it was actually one of those things where he took a risk and he said something that could offend or upset me, but it ended up like making me go, oh shit, yeah, good point.

You know what I mean? Like constructive criticism. Yeah, Nick Doody's a phenomenal comic, isn't he? He's amazing, yeah. He's one of those, I wouldn't say purists, but he's one of those guys that if he gives you a bit of a critique, if he's not been a knobhead,

he's good enough that you can go, Oh, I keep it with some dickhead saying it. You'd be like, what the fuck are you on about? But Nick dude, he's good enough that maybe you'd have a little think how, how long after that?

Cause it's not like you can be like, yeah, why am I doing it? I'll do another. Did it take a lot of transition? So I did this really weird thing for about a year and I swear it lost me work where I would transition from Phil Berto to troy hawk right uh mid set so the start the set is filberto right and at the end it's troy i've got a friend of mine i would like to bring up

pretty much pretty much hello right yeah but i was doing this at like fucking junglers gigs and stuff like like on before willie robo and stuff like that i was doing this at like fucking junglers gigs and stuff like like on before willie robo and stuff like that i was doing this odd thing i ain't quite worked out where i was trying to do both characters at the same time i think i had like a wilco's jacket on i was all over the shop it was you know but it was that sense where you think i've got to fucking change this this isn't working for me i can't just sit on this now and have it that's a nice thing about comedy is you get to always potentially evolve as long as you ask yourself the hard questions i always i love working with you because i like whining you up yeah i like whining anyone up that's how i enjoy a green room yeah and i find it particularly easy yeah so just get under your

i'm easy i am easy yeah so like at times i've gone to milo do you think you'll ever like try stand-up like actual Like give it a go? Yeah, but you know when he fucking did it to me, he did it to me just before the lockdown, like where, no, just after the November lockdown when my head was up its ass. He was in the middle and I had to follow him. Fuck him.

Yeah. Oh, I remember. He was trying to fucking so close me before I went on. Yeah, and I was just like, what do you mean I'm not a real comedian? All my imposter syndrome went, oh yeah, I'll have like what do you mean I'm not a real comedian or my imposter syndrome went oh yeah do you think doing a character makes the the the rough gigs harder does that that that sort of like veil of this isn't really me make it hot make it easier to be like oh it's fine they don't like

it but it's not me or is it actually more difficult to have a weird one do you mean harder in terms of how i feel about it or process it you know you know those gigs where for whatever reason it's not gone how you want i mean we have all done enough gigs where yeah yeah mainly it goes well but there are those ones you're like what the fuck dude if we're doing bad gig stories right which we love to do okay Okay. So 2004, I just started, I didn't have a clue what I was doing. I wasn't even doing characters or anything.

And, and I was doing this gig and, uh, it was, I was comparing and I shouldn't have been there. I just started doing comedy and I had an agent too quick and they just threw me in at the deep end. So it's doing this gig 2004 and the first section hadn't gone well, right?

They didn't like me and i was cocky and young and trying to compensate my nerves with overconfidence and it just came across horrible i got a message off my mate from the world going mate ken bigley's just been released ken bigley's just and i'm like ringing back and like it's ken bigley just been released because it was when he was held do you remember like like back in the day. And I was like, oh, like, are you, why should I not go ahead with this stuff?

No, no, it's fine. No, I tell you what, I can read nonverbal content. it's looking at me because of something we've said previous. All right,

so this is 2004. He's gone. My mate's gone. Right. My mate's gone. Ken Bigley's been released. So I've gone, amazing.

Because obviously it was in all the news at the time, right? In all the news at the time. I said, are you sure? He's just been released. Oh, he was sure. Like, oh yeah, 100%. So I can say it on stage.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, brilliant. All right, cool. So I've got a way to try and steal this goodwill, right? To try and bolster my shit set that I've already found. I'm like, all right, if I can bring a bit of goodwill in it, maybe I can sort of get a bit of energy going and not go home feeling like a total fucking failure so i've gone down and announced it to this like room full of people right and it's 2004 and it's in a basement so

there's no phone coverage or anything where is it in london so it's like a uh it was on in soho it's just one of the little downstairs gigs so i've announced it right and and that section's gone all right and i've come back up i've got 15 missed calls off my mate and he's like mate mate it was his brother he saw it was his brother i've seen his brother on tv it's not him so i've gone out and i'm fucking and then in the interval, right? I've found out this as people are around me on their phones, finding out that what I've just said is where I've got it from. And then I've had to go back in. As they're all finding out in the interval, they all come back for the beginning of the third section.

And then the manager comes and tells me, Nick, he's held up. So you're going to have to do a little bit longer until he, and I said, said well can you find out when it's going to be five minutes away so that i know i've got five minutes again and he goes no no no just go i'm too new at that point you put more effort in to find an out for sure when the headliner was going to arrive than you did whether ken bigley had actually been released thousand percent hundred thousand percent right i had to go on stage being released okay take your wave for that no worries where's nick wilsey are you sure i need confirmation i need to triple source it

i had to do 10 minutes to a crowd of people who knew that i'd for whatever reason falsely announced ken bigley's release like like and i didn't reference it because i didn't know what the fuck it was there was just awkward crowd work it was the most hideous and i think i i think i turned down the money for the gig and everything like that oh you know you've got a stink where you're like i couldn't possibly take that oh dude like it's not happened often but those those gigs where you just fuck up so badly beyond nightmare levels their character form because you can't go any lower you can't have a situation that's worse than that so what can a gig throw at you after you've had something like

that is this part of why you became a character comedian this night the ken bigley night no i think what was weird what was really weird is like i i don't know how it started i think i i felt like i was actually being more authentic as a character than i was when i was just trying to do stand up as me do you know what i mean it just yeah i do because fit and because when we started out which a few years before adam yeah character comics were dying out yeah they weren't remember dominic frisbee did Morris the Morris Dancer? Yeah, yeah. And, let me just cringe.

And Morris the Morris Dancer. And I'll tell you what he did. He did some Morris dancing. It was a good set. Good set. He did the upper class rapper as well. And he transitioned in a set as well. Right, yeah.

Two characters at the same time probably even missed this but he's one he's one that went the other way and just went like what am i doing i'm just gonna do stand-up and talk because it was easier i always think with the characters like that's i'm fascinated by when you die as a comic it's rough like you've just explained we've all had weird ones yeah but is this sort of like is it easy that you're like i'm just a bloke trying or when you die as a character is it more difficult because you're like it's way more to do the voice okay listen i've got to do a lot of time because nothing i'm junglers has a policy it's way more difficult um because like you think about it right

i'm doing a zoom gig um yeah well sorry i will let you finish that answer in a minute but isn't it also a bit easier because you can just be like me the 18 yeah well that's if it did work that way great i could be strutting around everywhere like yeah but but there was this one zoom gig i did i did a sort of number of zoom gigs i remember a good zoom gig it make me feel fucking marvellous. But if I've done a bad Zoom gig, right, there were a couple, it's really super tough.

Then suddenly I'm a bloke who's drawn a fucking moustache on his face, right? And I'm wearing a silk smoking jacket in my shed. And this is my fucking job. Do you know what I mean? The reality of all of those things kicks in so hard when you've

got three screens of like old people who've booked you for a private fucking 70th birthday party and you're just staring at you like that when you're washing off your your mustache oh my god well daddy oh no the walk of shame 12 yards back to the fucking house hey stink of that gig following me but troy doesn't die in the room though fucking hell well do you know you absolutely smash when troy's tuned in i i like i've i've had a couple that have gone weird and when it's gone weird it's when i've been on a good run and i've i've been like killing and then i'm on first somewhere and i bring that closing energy on first then it can really like it i can give myself a mountain to climb at that point if you've never seen milo i've never seen anyone scott bennett's

the same he because he's just a bit like he wants to know everything but i've never seen anyone take more like notes and care and attention in the room with what the compere's saying with the interactions with the first comedian on and often i'm like sometimes i think that's all smoke and mirrors if a comic does it yeah but it's so much of what you do and you do it so well have you stopped doing that yeah i stopped i only did that with filberto because i didn't have a very good act oh I saw you do I've seen you do that with Troy no that's that's notes that's like material all right so I'm not as focused on like what the crowd is now I could I could shut up to a gig late now but when I was doing Filberto because my act was crap what I'd have to do is I'd try and write a rap about what was happening in the room so I try

and take a note of everything so again that's a smoke and mirrors thing, but it smashes though. Yeah. But it was, it's one of those things where like, I, it's a trick. Do you know what I mean?

And I know we've got tricks, but I'm doing a rhyming scheme based on a couple of things that have happened in the room. I'm referencing things that have happened in the room and it seems a lot clever, clever than it, it seemed a lot clever than it was. And yeah, it's smashed, but what's but what's the end goal? You want to have more.

Eventually you get bored of it, don't you? You want to keep coming out of stuff. It's a bit like the comparing thing where you can be a brilliant compare and then you feel the limitation of it. You're like, yeah, but I want to be the best headliner. You can't. I think the better you get,

the less shelf time your material has. I think you get bored of it quicker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You really want to keep moving. That's where Adam's at. When you're at the top of your game and you're turning over stuff. Yeah, definitely.

Do you think, genuine question, you'll ever do non-character comedy on stage? Non-character stand-up? Yeah, do you think you'll ever be Milo McCabe? I don't think so. I don't know if there'd be enough that's... I know it sounds weird, doesn't it? I don know if like there'd be enough that's i know it sounds weird doesn't it i don't know if there'd be enough that what what would i talk about it's like i

don't i don't laugh at sort of i don't watch regular stand-up do you know yeah like it's i it would be me trying to fit in a mold if if i were ever to do me i don't think it would be like straightforward observational stand-up it would be someone else it'd be a mix of characters or or something like that i don't know yeah like definitely and it's it's weird because obviously my dad was a traditional old school what do we know your dad's name men's club comic no probably not mike mccabe so he was on like new faces and um fame game and all those where did you grow up where was where did you live at the time when he sorry all right sorry so he was doing all this he was doing all the london clubs i know he was he was going all over the country like how much was he earning i love this stuff same

fucking money jeez 250 if not slightly more so he'd be on 300 to 400 a gig he'd be 45 minutes and this is and we're talking 70s 80s yeah yeah Phil Walker's dad is Roy Walker yeah and some of my favourite stories

from Phil I ask about his dad yeah and like I love the stories of them all getting in a dressing room

on one of the big gigs where there's a few of them and they have to go right who's doing what who's doing what because they've all got the same stuff there's like 120 jokes and they need to divvy them up yeah like almost like picking a teams at school like that you get first pick so i've had a little bit of that lately you know

just because like for for most of the gigs since i've come back, I've had to close. Like, almost every gig I've done since the return of COVID, I've been closing. And there's so... I feel like you've got to reference COVID a little bit. Otherwise, you just look a little bit senile. And I don't want to go on and do a vaccine joke if you've done a vaccine joke. So it's not the same, are you doing that joke?

It's just, have you referenced vaccines yet? Well, then I won won't mention that but i'll mention something else or do you know i mean i'm i'm watching the show more at the minute because i'm like i've got to do a topical thing and we called it didn't we we called it before we started gigging again going there will be repetition and part of you we discussed on here just doesn't want to talk about it hate it when we touch hands accidentally uh part of you doesn't want to talk about it hate it when we touch hands accidentally part of you doesn't want to talk about it but like you say if you don't make any reference to it you do seem like a bit irrelevant

it's not that it's irrelevant because I think people are enjoying talking about other stuff but yeah it's like you're not concentrating or something Bo Burnham did that really well because like he doesn't mention any of the buzzwords does he but he just because like, he doesn't mention any of the buzzwords,

does he? But he just embodies the fucking feelings. Doesn't mention the word COVID or coronavirus once in the whole hour and a half. He's so clever. He so gets,

he so gets across all those feelings that everybody felt at certain points. It's really, really clever and amazing. And you do find yourself watching it,

like wondering how much of this is 100% just absolutely genuine stuff that he's done in the moment? How much is stage managed? really clever and amazing. And you do find yourself watching it, like wondering how much of this is a hundred percent, just absolutely genuine stuff that he's done in the moment. How much has stage managed? And you can't tell. No. It's the brilliant part about it.

Such. And they don't mention coronavirus or COVID in Hamilton either. So watch both. Do you like Hamilton? I was, I was. I just made Adam hate me a little bit. I felt,

I felt him go. Hamilton. Hamilton for me, right. i didn't get through the whole thing so hamilton the first half i was like this is really clever this is really artful and i know it's going to be the same for the next hour so i can't be asked i've seen what this is all right great i'm i'm you know did you not want to know the end of the story couldn't give a fuck okay the rhyme scheme was nice the dude from manhunter mindhunter alexander hamilton shag princess diana did it to death to death cool i should have stuck it's also on the crown so it's weird episode of the crown that yeah alexander hamilton fucking diana alexander hamilton fucked her in Paris I'm not I'm not really

a musicals guy I'm more like a what have I done I was so fucking ridiculous I'm going to move this forward it's our podcast and he did the professional thing alright guys I'm not really a musical guy nah I like psychological thrillers that make you feel uncomfortable for an hour and a half that's my jam All right, guys. All right, guys. I'm not really a musical guy. Nah.

I like psychological thrillers that make you feel uncomfortable for an hour and a half. That's my jam. Fucking love that. Someone who really make you feel unsettled. Really? Yeah. Do you ever have an eating

and then watch something? Like a drug and then watch something? Or a smoke? Yes. Yeah, I got really stoned and watched Suspiria for the first time

the other day. This guy. What? Just very impressed with Carl sometimes. It's like, it's just, and then we ruin it by dissecting it. Instead of just letting it be a very smooth progression and show that he's really getting on top of production and knows where content needs to flow to.

Me and Adam are like, wow, that's good. We ruin it by going, bloody hell, that was quality. You saw it and you progressed the content. You do like a drug or two, don't you? But you've developed into that late in life. Very much so. Very much so. A bit like Paul Smith.

Because I only had my first pill when I was 38. On holiday with Kai Humphries, 45. Fuck off, you're 45. Yeah mate. Bastard. He looks 12 years younger than me. Fucking hell lad.

Amazing. Yeah, so, yeah, I had my first pill on holiday in Benidorm with Kai Humphries

and Daniel Sloss and all that. A lot of people do it in Ibiza but you thought, fuck it, Benidorm. Old school.

Get pilled up with a load of retirees. Get pilled up, watch a racist comedian, fucking, absolutely. And we did, we did that that we watched a guy called albion no we watched like yeah we it was incredible and and i'd never done it in my whole life and i came

up after eight minutes and kai was like no i'm it i was like all right and then and then i actually experienced it and and it was so good and I remember thinking thank fuck I didn't do this in my late teens because I never would have stopped I feel like it was a perfect time and then yeah sort of did a little bit that still have never done coke um why because I feel like I'd like it too much can I tell that story about you no yeah yeah yeah okay one way yeah yeah all right so um have you already told it haven't we i don't think so okay so we're all out uh brighton a load of us have got gigs in brighton wherever rose there like sloss there guys there cullen's that we all fucking meet up in brighton post gig at half 11 me sloss Sloss, Kai, and Mark Nelson. You have told this story.

Yeah, I know. Yeah, go on. I bet you don't know the whole thing. We've had the abridged version from Adam. All right, all right. So basically, I don't do coke and I don't know much about coke politics or whatever.

And neither do I. So he doesn't either. So the bag's gone round and it's come to Adam, right? And whatever he's done, he's put a little bit on his hand or whatever. And then he's turned around and the bar guys come like feet away. Now, bear in mind, they've been doing it in this car.

They're totally safe. No one's going to look at him. He's fine. They've been doing it all night, right? But he's panicked and he's going, ugh. And he's put it through his hair, right? Is this the first thing he thinks? First thing he thinks, he's put it through his hair.

Bit of talcum powder there. How can I make my hands look natural? Like that. is this the first thing he thinks? First thing he thinks, he's played through his hair. Bit of talcum powder there. How can I make my hands look natural? Like that. Just smooth it through his hair. And look, I don't know about... How the fuck have you not told this? I don't know about coke, but everyone fucking saw him do it and was horrified.

Everyone was like, what did he just... Even the doorman was like, you fucking wasted that bit. Jesus Christ. because you just put 15 pounds in your quiff exactly exactly exactly

lovely you've got great volume there Adam what's that the reason I haven't told this story is because I knew Milo was coming on

at some point and he would want to tell it can I tell the other half of it I think this is the bit that I might have told yeah yeah

so we end up it's one of those where it's like 4 4 a.m in brighton everyone's like off their tits and we go to the there's this gay bar on the beach was the only like club open and like we end up it's towards the end of the night we're all sort of sat around uh you know it's kind of like last orders ish i would just turn around there's kind of this empty dance-ish. I just turn around, there's this empty dance floor upstairs, and Adam's just sort of standing there, dead-eyed me, like just straight away. And I'm like, this is weird.

And I look down, and he's got his cock out, right? Dead-eyed me. As in, what are you going to do about it, like dead quiet, threatening Scouse. Yeah, yeah, The worst guy. It's like a dog marking its territory. He was having a piss directly on the dance floor. The reason nobody saw him,

the reason nobody saw him is because he was so relaxed about it. There was nothing in his body language that raised the alarm. It wasn't like I was over my shoulder. Like, he was coming, I was just... Like, he just literally, casual, as though it with the most natural thing in the world just pisses straight down the dance floor and then just fold himself and got on with his day like fucking nothing had happened and maybe they're like how much stuff could you

get away with if you just make out if your body language is like, this, this is, full piss, directly on the dance floor. With cocaine in your fringe, and your cock out on the dance floor. That girl with the five lines in her. Yeah. And a cocaine fringe, piss on the floor.

I had a bit of a mad one. I think this is what You were getting at I had Because me and Paul Have done DMT Like Just before Just to tie off that story

Sorry That was the night before Liverpool played In the 2018 Champions League final Yes I had no sleep Went straight to the

Training station And went straight home To watch the match Yeah Stayed up Do not remember The second half Yeah

Pissy kicks I didn't piss on me kicks I pissed on the dance. Yeah. Stayed up. Do not remember the second half. Yeah. Pissy kicks. I didn't piss on me kicks. I pissed on the dance floor. No, you pissed on the dance floor. No, it was flashback. I think he was singing Liverpool songs quite loudly by the way

as well if I remember rightly. No, that was great though. I just remember sitting on the beach like with you Tom Horton just hammered

just completely fucking but still awake drunk at about half seven in the morning and I knew that my train home was at like ten to eight

to make it back in time for the match and have a drink with my mates and that and I remember going to Tom Horton what time is it lad and he went to half seven and I'm like

fucking hell half seven and just ran back to my hotel went into my room grabbed my bag off the bed nothing unpacked out of it and just ran back to my hotel, went into my room, grabbed my bag off the bed, nothing unpacked out of it, and just got straight, luckily the Geordie's in his right next to Brighton train station,

train to London, London to Liverpool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I know it's fun. I remember. DMT.

Yes. So I got Paul into it. Like that was, he's told the story already, but it was so. Oh, you're the one. I'm the one.

We've been talking about it. And like, I basically talked to people and sort of said, Like that was, he's told the story already, but it was so. Oh, you're the one. I'm the one. Paul Smith. We've been talking about it. And like, I basically talked to people and sort of said, look, I'm going to get some. If you want to do it, like I'm going to have some, just let me know. And then I had some and everyone who expressed interest kind of shit their pants a little bit. That's fair enough because it's quite a big thing to do. And I forgot I'd had it in my bag and I got in the dressing room and I saw paul and i was like oh you wanted to try this didn't you and he was like yeah and i was like when do you want to do it and he goes tonight and i went yeah and that was that so yeah we went back to his

and he's told the story i think hasn't he and it's 100 as he told it it was the oddest thing it was great but he's got more into it now and he hooked me up with this guy who sells DMT vape pens. Not the shaman. No, not the shaman. This is another dude. DMT vape pens.

So basically DMT... Welcome to the future. If you want to sort of do the crystals, it's quite intense, but it's a bit rough. You have to kind of make a homemade bong. The vape pen's a lot easier. Homemade bong? Bong bong bong yeah you need to make a homemade dmt bong bong set it off light it yeah you need to make a sacrifice of a load of innocent strangers before

you can smoke it no imagine if you set a dmt bomb off in like a marx and spencers oh cloud jesus but like yeah i so he hooked me up with this dude who sells dmt vape pens and um i said oh yeah like when can i get one and he said now in half an hour and i was like fully dressed as troy hawk and i had like half an hour before i had like smoking jacket, cravat, mustache. I'm like, please tell me you did the drug deal in his voice as well. Well,

this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this,

this, this, this, this, this, this, this, I was like,

right. I got half an hour, whatever. I can do this. I need to go find a cash point and it's going to come by in a car. And then that's all good. So I got out hot water. And as soon as I got out hot water,

this, this, I had this voice go, oh, you look very smart. And I turned around and it was Pete Price. So I'm going out to do... Pete Price sold you a DMTV pen. No.

Pete Price just happened to fucking be there. The second... Literally, like, he was waiting for me standing at the top of the steps by hot water oh yeah and i told her i was pete price and hello oh hello pete all right all right lad i was like can i get a picture and he goes yeah go on then and i'm like hugging the picture there and then like fucking i i suddenly remember like i'd prank called him 15 years ago and and and really made his life a misery and he had no idea who I was or anything.

It was just so weird. I literally- Oh, because you were doing a different voice? Yeah, I was doing a different voice. I literally, I'd name checked him at the set I'd just done. I'd referenced him at the set I'd just done, come out and there he was.

It was so fucking bizarre. And then I got in this car with this dude dressed as Troy, half did the voice, half didn't. Went and got the money, did the deal, came back and that was it was so fucking bizarre and then i got in this car with this dude dressed as troy half did the voice half didn't went got the money did the deal came back and and that was it the fucking mental i bet drug dealers love a guy in full costume getting in the car to do it what haven't they seen it's like whatever oh yeah of course of course he's wearing a kimono no no no no no no that was not his thought you did not get in dressed as true with a fucking muzzy i did painted on your fucking life what did he think all right lads exactly what i expected

what did he think how many vape pens do you want why didn't he why didn't he bring it up because he's probably fucking terrified that you were a narc two drugs please how undercover are we going? Let's get a guy who looks so wacky, no one's going to think he's a fucking narc. Can you? That wouldn't be a bad idea, actually, would it? Because you wouldn't think someone dressed like Troy

would be a narc. You're going to dress as a narc to hide it. No one would think the police officer is a police officer. You wouldn't think. If you were in fancy dress, you wouldn't go, oh, that guy's undercover. Yeah, but when you're dressed as Troy, can we put a picture in for everyone? Can we drop a picture?

Right now. Like, when you're dressed like that, it's over the top, but it's not so wacky. It couldn't be real. Yeah, there's still like a... Yeah, my girlfriend thought you were real until she met you in real life. She'd seen your videos.

It's a weird balance, like talking to people after shows. I kind of keep it up, but I'm sort of... What's that? Red flag. Right. Can you just...

Right. So for me, I don't think I'll ever do DMT because I'm scared of it. I've got some now if you want. Nope, all good. Certainly not before I go and do alexander's size you've got your pen yeah so last section would be a bit weird so in a sentence or two can you sell dmt to me and the people out there um i don't know right here's here's how would you sell it if you were

trying to sell it i wouldn't try and sell it that's yeah but yeah but if you were i know you wouldn't here's how i would i would bring it okay so what happens is i would bring it up and then you can tell when you bring it up people become interested you talk to them all right how's the best way to describe okay here's what happened to me like so i had it the first time and it was like this wonderful feeling of uh insignificance like this this feeling that you're absolutely tiny and you don't matter but at the same time you're also a tiny part of everything and it it it takes the pressure off immediately of all the little silly little pointless worries. It sort of holds up a mirror up to everything that you worry about on a daily basis in the perspective of just what the bigger picture or goal is. And it just goes, I'm a fucking idiot.

Like, look at this stuff. This really, you're getting worried about all this stuff and you're ignoring all of this. you're getting worried about all this stuff and you're ignoring all of this and it's like an instant blast of that that burrows into your brain and sits there and kind of like almost gets hard wired in so you kind of come out with a a fresh more healthy sort of mindful perspective do you know what i mean and that lasts for a couple of weeks and then you go back to being a knobhead again that's how i experienced it and you're worried that you'd like cocaine too much totally different you can't honestly it's it's a weird thing like here's the thing right if you've got a shed full of stuff locked in your head that you keep locked

that you never want to open up and pull out and examine right don't ever do dmt but if you want to go through some sort of like potential landmines you've got lurking in there that might fuck you up later in life and you want to sort of throw yourself on them now then DMT would be a good thing to do.

So it's how much you're prepared to sort of like confront things in your own brain that you'd normally hide away from. Do you have to top up then? Like every four, you say four weeks?

Do you microdose or do you just do it? No, like when I've done it I just sort of try and blast off as hard as possible and I'll do it and I won't need to do it no uh you like when i've done it i just sort of try and blast off as hard as possible and i'll do it and i won't need to do it as it sounded you sounded all the reasons for doing it were really sensible and considered almost how do i do it i got off me fucking

tits yeah no you literally blast off because you go somewhere else you lose sight of who you are you lose touch with your ego you lose touch everything you fly off into this other realm and it's just brilliantly refreshing it's opened up my mind and uh uh it's it's made me i think a lot a lot happier i think a lot less stressed and i don't do it loads and it's it's weird i did do i've only had one bad trip in all the times i've ever done it and that was because i'd hammered it like three times that night you know i mean so you what just don't do it that often no just once every once every three months once every six months how often are you gonna do that vape pen i've not done it i probably won't do it for like a week or two what happens on a bad trip so um so here's what happened i'd done it twice and you set intent it's gonna sound very hippie i don't know how open to this stuff you are but you set intentions at the beginning so you go right

what do you want out of this trip so i was like i want knowledge and i'm fucking and i took a shitload and you deal with this thing that essentially treats you like a little child not in a not in a sort of um a nasty way just in a whatever entity you're dealing with is so much further ahead and advanced than you are it's like you're a little toddler it's a bit it's dismissive but not unkind to dismissive but i'd come back for the third time and it showed me all these lovely pictures give me these lovely trips and i was fucking back and so whatever this thing was he went right right you little knobhead right you want knowledge dear okay and then i sort of felt myself go no no no no no no i actually i've changed my mind and then it's like fucking too go, no, no, no, no, no, no. I actually, I've changed my mind.

And then it's like fucking too late, right? It was dragging me through this kaleidoscope of the world ending. So it was like three pictures of a bridge like collapsing or a mountain going down or a motorway caving in. And I'd go into one and it split into three. And the whole time it was like, I knew it was the world ending.

And it just- Are you sure you just went on the M6 at rush hour? This voice was going, this is all your fault. This is all your fault. This is all your fault. And then it threw me into like a toddler version of whatever it was. And I was being dragged around a bedroom

and then it just fucking spat me back. Like sometimes- Do you believe this is, when you're talking about something else, do you think it's something else? You don't think it's your mind? Dude, like there are so many different ways of looking at it. When you're in and you're under it feels like you are interacting with something

that could not possibly be a part of your dna or consciousness however when you come back and you rationalize it and you think about it there is a chance that um potentially you're accessing some like part of your brain that's got collective dna that's gone through the generations so you know there's like an access store through your ancestors that carries through and it sort of gets bigger and bigger through the generations and it's like maybe this is unlocking some little tiny peanut little thing in your whatever the part of the brain is and it's just opening that up to all this like that makes me want to try it that that last description this is pure guesswork on my part like because it's all i would assume it's all within you obviously but that's not how it feels when

you're in that moment i i i i've never never been spiritual or anything like that but when i did it and then after the first time i did it i was like like, fuck knows, man, all bets are off now. I wonder if a deeply religious person, wonder what they'd come out of it. If you were a devout Muslim, if you were a really hardcore Christian, like what would that unlock? If they'd come out of it going, oh my God,

it's all bullshit. Let's get the head of ISIS on DMT. Do you know what? I can put the world leaders on DMT. You know, mushrooms, ps know, mushrooms, psilocybin, all that kind of thing.

I don't know. It just gives you a perspective. It just fucking... Weird G7 summit, that, wouldn't it? Yeah, it'd be amazing.

Although, this is enough's enough. I can't believe they're extending the lockdown. Look at these, licking each other. It's not addictive. It's not physiologically

addictive, but it will potentially challenge you mentally. Do you know what I mean? Like, it will make you look at things that maybe you don't want to look at in your head, but for a greater good of getting them sorted out.

I feel like you're describing some elements of this podcast. Sometimes Adam and I make jokes about things in our life that we don't really want to make jokes about, but it's for the greater good of the patron. We've gone from pegging to existential interdimensionality. I feel like if I do DMT, there's just going to be a big snake that looks me dead in the eye and goes open your fucking mail dickhead

has paul smith does brown less has been sucking for three weeks you daft sweat has paul managed to talk you guys into it because i know he's like not at all no because we do this twice a week. When am I, like that two weeks of serenity that you described would make for some of the shittest have a word ever. Like, hey, we've got an email in here from fucking Terry. And I'm like, do you know what?

In the big picture, it doesn't really matter. Maybe you need to just step out of your side, Terry. Just take a moment and just interdimensionality, you know, think about that. Yeah. You rat. It'd be a good special the lads do DMT

the DMT special order the DMT can I I am is it illegal can I do it with you guys is it

is it illegal oh it's illegal if we pretended to do it you can record yourself doing drugs and just say it was fake Yeah Yeah you can

As long as this Doesn't go out Yeah yeah Yeah Didn't say that Yeah Barry Dodds to Shaman Kev Looking forward to that one

Milo We'd see more spirits Than Barry Dodds would I fucking guarantee that Milo What If we did it as a patron special Would I do it

Would you be our guide 100,000% Oh now I'm in Now I'm in Because I can monetise it We because i'm monetizing as well how about you do it and i'll just watch what are you gonna do have a fucking gin and tonic all right sponsored by givens gin genuinely right would you try it probably yeah what would you be afraid of you've got to you're a musician i just don't want to do it i've never

touched drugs at all so what would my like what my response to it be um you have to have some crack first it's warmer no i'm not saying you know what i'm saying before i before i did um dmt i'd never done any drugs apart from the odd bit of weed right okay i've hardly done any hallucinogenic so i don't think my tolerance would be loads higher just because i was a fucking whiz kid back in the day finn you'd have to do it because you're a beatles fan right well finn's in absolutely fine so adam's gonna have a weird one that's it huh i had a bad trip on lsd though but you know the thing with dmt like five minutes after you've done it you could drive a car you could do a gig like it's gone from your system completely you're you're back even if you haven't got a license your brain produces it doesn't it when you die exactly

right yeah and some people think when you have religious visions it's just your brain being swarmed with the natural levels of because dmt is actually in everything anywhere when you smoke it you smoke an inhibitor a non-inhibitor or something that that basically stops the inhibitor working so the dmt floods your brain i think it would be kind of good if Adam didn't do it as well. Like he's got more of a career to worry about, but also just to have someone being like, what a fucking bunch of dickheads. But you wouldn't want that in the room.

Cause like when you're in the room, it's got to be really calm. We do everything together. Oh, calm and peaceful. He's my rock. You'd have to get the right conditions. Captain Tranquility.

Oh, he's fine, yeah. It'd be ace. As long as he could do that. Oh, yeah, he's well known for it. I think I'd be clouded knowing he was in the room, though. I'd be going into it like a cloud of anxiety knowing that Adam couldn't do something. I'll tell you what, it wouldn't be boring.

Here's the way I look at it, right? If we set it up and everything and then if one thing happened that got in the way of the thing I'd be like right that's the universe saying fucking do not do it do you know what I mean

as hippy as that I don't know whether doing class A drugs is part of patrons terms and conditions it's not class A is it I think so yeah oh sorry I thought it was like a I thought it was like a we wouldn't be

doing it not a real one it's not like fucking calms or soothers no i thought i didn't think it was a class a i think it is oh well i would just take a soother i could cut it and it looked like we just fucked up soothers yeah you know we're talking about um age restrictions on an episode do you reckon this might fuck with it a little bit at the end? Yeah. Should we have a break? No, I think we should do more of this section. Do you reckon?

I think we need to pad it out. How long is this? An hour and 20 minutes. It's the longest ever. That is the longest ever. It's the longest ever section. Is that good? Yeah. Let's have a break.

Go and get some smack. Milo, would you ever fuck a pig? Hey, listen to this. This podcast, I've a word, yeah, is sponsored by Beer52.com. And we have been for about a year now. They are our OG sponsor. And I've got to tell you about them.

If you don't know who they are, they are the number one craft beer discovery club in the UK. What's a craft beer discovery club, Adam? Well, I'll fucking tell you, mate, okay? What they do is they help you discover craft beer. They send you different craft beers every month from all over the world, different themes every month as well. You might get a month worth of South African beers. You might get some from Argentina the next month. You might get some from South Korea or something. All over the world, they'll help you discover the best craft beers

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They support us. This thing can keep going. We can keep the Have A Weird gravy train on the fucking track so go to bf52.com slash weird right now and get yourself some bevvies fern notting welcome back to the final section of today's have a word podcast with me adam rowe and milo mccabe hey that sounded like your name was adam rowe yeah me adam rowe with me shout out me comma adam you have to say the comma yeah otherwise they think it's me adam rowe me what you should say is me dan nightingale adam rowe my co-host and i'll guess then people think there's four people because if it depends how he hits the me there me Me, Dan Nightingale. Adam Nightingale. Me, comment Dan Nightingale.

Dan Nightingale. That's me. Hello, I'm Dan Nightingale. It's Adam Rowe. And I'm a talking friend. Where's he from? Foreign. Genetic foreign.

Can't be racist If you is not specific Was it? It's Tony Was Could be yeah Yeah This is a hard start

We've got some Have a words It's hard Everything always Got some have a words Let's Let's solve some Problems for people.

Oh, fuck yeah. Not here just for the ha-ha's, are we, Adam? No. Here to mend people's lives. Hey, lads. We would like you to have a word with one of our... Are you ready? Yeah.

Oh, I thought you... Nice. We would like to have a word with one of our friends. He is 38 years old and is dating a 19-year-old. Fucking legend. When they got together... Next email. When they got together,

she was only 17. Oh, she's only 17. What are your views on this? Is he a nonce or is he doing well for himself? He's literally twice that age that's yeah that's a tough one when i was 30 i went out a 20 year old and she was way more mature than i was and it was great until i met her friends and then it all went to shit right because as soon as i met

her friends i was like oh yeah i'm a fucking generation away from these people aren't i and it kind of brought it in like what does he do when she's going out with all her mates does he go with all the 19 year olds to wherever the fuck 19 year olds go and how does he sell that how does that work oh my god do you know what i mean i don't think he does i think he's just fucking pork and someone young but the the reverse of that is how does she do as a 19-year-old at a 38-year-old's barbecue when they're all talking about property and right move? And she's like,

oh, how mature is this 19-year-old? Or is, like Adam's saying, is he just going for the young pork? I think you need to go back two years as well because she was 17 when he was, what? 36. So it's 38 minus two carried the three um 36 there you go i think there's two things potentially going on right uh thing number one he's desperately trying to hold on to his youth right and he's trying to hold on to the

kind of women that he went with when he was in his prime as a young man and that's what's going on there in which case that's what he needs to address or he's a nonce oh actually no because he's been shagging her for two years so that's quite must be getting serious do you know what i mean we must have met her friends then this must have happened yeah he's either in love or he's a nonce yeah i mean if they're really intense well he's not a nonce is he because she was 17 no no but there's but if he was a nonce then by the time she's 19 he'd have give up on it she wouldn't be his type anymore nonce adjacent no i think you're going i think you're going hard nonce capital n nonce she means in a sort of like it's a bit noncy half your age i don't think it's like a legal accusation i think the 17 thing is where it goes to var in it because it's technically legal but it's still a bit

you know she can't have a fucking pint yeah yeah yeah i mean you're genuine you're dropping her off at college in a schooner what else can't she have a cardian coke she can't have a cardian coke no she can't have a pint she can't have dmt no one can it's illegal stop talking about it pathetic yeah she can't have a pint and technically he could be a granddad he's probably getting into his kinky age as well like he's probably really fine than his do you know what i mean what she's she's still young for that right kinky age hang on that's hang on i'm in it so at 38 you're just getting into kinky age no but like i'm 40 he's 45 if he's probably fine than his is sexual whatever now isn't she's not all right yeah what's she's old enough to be fingered Not old enough to be bummed

I don't know It's like he just turns out Bumper stickers Doesn't he Have a word Bumper stickers Oh dear Did you say bumming stickers

Or bumper stickers I said bumming stickers Did you Yeah yeah yeah For when you're really kinky And you like branding Lad Get some KY

And stick a sticker on there who's brand here's the thing though right they've been going out two years that goes another five years yeah it's legit again isn't it he's twice that age i know but like she's 24 he's gonna be 48 yeah but no absolutely to be fair it's a funny bit if you're if you're a math nonce you just went oh people at the comedy club the couple at the comedy club told it before and they were like oh she's young and he was old she was like 22 and he was like mid to late 30s but i did that thing of like what do you have any nicknames does anyone have any nicknames yeah and my bit was about like

it's cutesy nicknames that you don't want to say in front of your mates and this girl was so chuffed with their relationship we have a nickname i called him daddy and the whole club just went my name in sam's phone is Big Juicy true I don't no no it's true I

honestly she wrote it on his birthday card oh my good god like I've been trying to get Laura to call me the White Hammer but she never bites

yeah I love it when you call me Big Juicy. I'm Big Juicy. She's a little saucy. Shut up. You fucking... Are you kidding? No.

He's not. Big Juicy. Big Juicy. She's a little saucy. Oh, that's it now. I'm sick of calling you Adam. Big Juice. No, Big Juicy.

Big Ju... Oh, sorry. where did that come from so on air it's so convoluted it sounds like bollocks but it isn't on new year's eve i had a drink in her mom and dad's house with their in a moment dad and his mom gave us she went oh we won't drink that why don't you have some of that and it was this Jack Daniels with apple juice mixture sort of thing pre-mixed in a bottle

so not the apple flavoured Jack Daniels which is still 40% something like 20% or 15% and it's Jack Daniels with apple juice

and stuff and I had a sip of it and I went and Sam had just taken a sip of his wine and I went it's juicy that it's the second time I've met a parent had just taken a sip of his wine. And I went, it's juicy, that.

It's the second time I've met a parent. I've had a swig out of the bottle. I went, it's fucking juicy, that. And Sam nearly choked to death on his wine. And his mum laughed as well. And then she just started calling me Big Juicy. Big Juicy. Right.

Good. That story makes it sound a lot less phallic, doesn't it? Yeah. Carl thought it was something to do with jizz. Yeah, I just thought it was your dick. Dicks. With the 19 and the 38-year-old though, at a certain point, when she's like 30 and he's whatever the fuck, he'd be there in like 49, 60.

Yeah, but that's fine. By then, no one gives a shit. What if we're all going nonce, nonce, nonce, but actually they're in love And it lasts the course And they go and have this Wonderful life together I'm totally not going

Nons nons nons I just couldn't Do this I could No I could If Laura left me If Laura was gone Where's she gone

I don't know Where's she gone She's dead She's Shag and Finn It's more fun when you do it Where's Laura gone she's dead Adam she's dead

how did she die don't matter I've got the life insurance oh oh in a caravan in real bomb to death if you bomb my wife to death

I'm gonna bomb your mum not your sister because she's a patriot god bless her If you bum my wife to death, I'm going to bum your mum. Not your sister, because she's a patriot. God bless her. I'll see you at Shaman Kev's. That'll be a good laugh, won't it? Lord is dead.

Bum to death in a caravan. I've blanked on what we were saying. So you could never do it. You could never go that. I'm literally so freaked out by the last minute of podcasting that I no longer care about the 20-year-old that I couldn't bang. I think it'd take me a while to love again because, you know, Finn bummed my wife to death.

Could you still come in and work with Finn? Be like, would you, dad? I've got 4,000 patrons. No, we'd have the Indian by then. A man's got to have something to live for. I could totally do this, by the get i i couldn't get in a relationship with a 19 year old or like i couldn't go near a 17 year old just couldn't but 19 20 21 if i was 38 i would yeah i'd be fine with that just you don't know that though. Your mind changes. Yeah. If you went out with a girl

half your age. All right, well then nine, 10, 11 right now. Fine. I'm just going to draw a line at 12.

I say any lower than 12. I think it is going to look weird at hot water. Yeah. No, I could, I think I could. Yeah.

I just had to. Could you have done it at 30? At 30? Oh, you did, didn't you? At 30 with a 20-year-old. Could you have? 20-year-old, yeah. 30 is a weird age. And I remember being single at 30 because you can socially acceptably date 20-year-olds

where some of your female friends will be like, what? But also you can date 40. That's the best one you've done. But you can date like women in the late 30s I had a bit about it like the difference and

yeah it's a weird little phase as soon as you're at 40 then you really are going to have people going mate we're not inviting you to a dinner party because it looks like

you've brought your sex victim to a fucking can I ask you a slightly sideways question but you'll see why I'm asking it in a sec could you let's say when you were 30

Laura's not gone she's not here yet not met not met Finn's not even met nevermind her bum hole's intact doesn't mean anywhere near

Finn's kind of on right she's been listening to the episodes she loved the Sean Walsh episode I've never heard her laugh at anything as much as she laughed at the Sean Walsh episode. I've never heard her laugh at anything as much as she laughed at the Sean Walsh episode.

And I don't know if this is going to tickle her quite as much. Could you date two people at once? Like, not like we're together, but could you be seeing two people at the same time? Could you do that? What, be lying about it? No. Look, we're not

we're not we're not exclusive this kind of body needs to be shared out baby yeah like we're not exclusive you can do what you want I can do what I want

we're not official yeah could you do that yeah I've done it yeah yeah I did it okay so could you at 30

have dated like a 22 year old and a 38 year old because I reckon the vibe switch between those two things might have been a bit oh yeah do you know what i mean could you do that yeah student union and then wicks I I really not to be boring

but I never went loads older because I just I just always whenever I ended up going on a date with a girl that was in her

when I was like 29, 30 and a bit of an immature 29, 30 I was dating girls who I'd met at a comedy club or whatever and they were 34, 35 older than me

and they were like 35 older than me and they were like we had obviously gone oh he's nice he's presentable got a good sense of humor and then within an hour they'd gone oh he's a fucking man child and i'm 34 35 and i'm not i haven't got time to waste so i it was actually easier dating girls that are a bit younger than you because i was such a dickhead and i was messing around and our lives sorted like i i remember being like seeing a girl who was a bit older than me and i could tell i was just irritating her like what the fuck are you doing with your life i'm like i like i really like getting smashed on school nights like and it just didn't tune in so in all honesty i did go younger but i just uh it was a bit it never worked out you

never had great chat like i like i don't think i could have a conversation with an 18 year old now it's yeah now yeah not a long one anyway i can have the old love the podcast lad nice one mate bye i can do that a friendship if you put enough sort of distance of yourself, and we can not just be talking about age, you can be talking about wealth, you can be talking about geography, you could be talking about like the social spectrum of like your upper class, lower class, age, to have a massive change.

Like if you're incredibly young and they're old, friendships aren't easily formed like that. It takes a remarkable friendship to bridge those gaps and the reality is as everyone lives like is there's a one there's a one there's a one really the reality is you meet someone who's you've got a shared experience with or you're going through the same things with you have things in common you're attracted to each other and i'm sure there are loads of examples where you could be like he he was 19, he was 38, but she was like, whatever. And that worked.

But in reality, and in most walks of life, it is easier if you have shared experience or shared interests. It makes it easier, doesn't it? I don't know, man. I mean, in the majority of cases, I know there's remarkable exceptions. I'm friends with one of my mum's friends from before she died. And he's, I basically call him,

like, after my mum died, he was one of the few people from her life that kept making an effort with me. So he's become, he's not related to us at all. And we call him Uncle Robert.

And we're mates. We go for dinner sometimes at Christmas. We've kept in touch. I'm not mates with a lot of 58-year-old blokes. But because he's just one of those characters from my earlier life, we get on. I don't have any other example of that. It's unusual, isn't it?

For me, it's only comics. I've got older comic mates because you've got that in common. But that's the thing, isn't it? That's the thing, then. It's interesting what you're talking about um i've got there's a guy i vaguely knew from the australian comedy festivals and his dad died around the same time and my mom died in uh july 2019 and i just messaged him and i was just like i barely knew him i knew him as like we'd muck about in the bars and have a laugh together i messaged him and i was

like oh yeah it's just happened to me as well have a laugh together. I messaged him and I was like, oh yeah, it's just happened to me as well, man. But like, and just started talking to him and we ended up like exactly what you said just through this thing,

messaging each other and sort of being honest with each other and having this like bond based on this shared experience that was the only real thing other than titting around in bars. Me, you and Ash, I've done it.

And we had that as well. Dead mum club. Yeah club yeah because my mama just died just before i went to edinburgh and i i've been like right you know what i'm gonna do i'm gonna get through the festival right i'd love to see troy hawk do a dead mom i'm gonna have my sad bit on the way home i'm just gonna go through the festival fucking stay in denial for that month. And then, like, I remember about a week in, I was at the Spank, and I was in that little dressing room, and someone was emceeing really badly. And I just went, I'm going to put my fist straight through that fucking balsa wood. And I was like, I'm going to do it.

I'm just going to punch straight. And it was where someone would have been sitting the other side, and I was literally lining up to do it. And I was a bit like, all right, maybe I'm not quite as okay as I thought I was just because someone was being a bad MC. I was just raging. Cause what you do sometimes is I think if you're not happy with grief, you move it to anger because anger,

you're more in control of. And so immediately I went, right, I've got to sort this out. I'm going to find some other dead mom people. And I knew Adam and Ishan both were in the same boat. And, and, and and yeah that was like shared experience has brought you together completely same with people who are like in

alcoholics anonymous it doesn't matter where you from in in the world or like what your jobs are that thing brings you together yeah it's a shared experience yeah so i think you're right so that's that's what makes these beyond the jokes of oh, he's a nonce or whatever. Maybe they're having a big shared experience. What are they getting from each other that isn't like, God, your tits are really perky. Well, that is what they're getting though. But that doesn't last two years.

It can. It depends what he does. It depends what she does. It depends what his life's like. He might be busy. They might just be, like, she might just be like, I'm just using him for a few years. Because he's an experienced fella

who's probably been with other women and knows what he's doing in the bedroom a lot better than every other 17, 18, and 19-year-old she's ever met. She's probably fucked a couple of other 17-year-olds and they've been dog shit. She's found this fella. He's lashed her all around the bedroom

like a fucking wrestling match. And she's gone, Jesus Christ, this is great. And he's lashed her all around the bedroom like a fucking wrestling match and she's gone jesus christ this is great and he's getting to fuck someone whose tits still point that way and i think she's just a 17 year old who likes the finer things in life being thrown around sexually and the man who's got leather heated seats in his car i think it's gotta be more than that i think that lasts what you're describing amazing sex lasts about three months I think before all the other stuff gets in the way

and then you break up and then you forget why you split up and you went oh that sex was amazing then you get back together and you split up again that's not what's happened here

they've been together two years there's got to be something else yeah I just unless these people are fictional and this is a wind up email no it's not I don't it's not

if it's these people don't do that to you well I mean we might get we have to assume that they don't otherwise It's not. If it's. These people don't do that to you. Well, I mean, we might get. We have to assume that they don't. We might get a few. Good for them if they're happy. Absolutely. But I just know this.

I don't think they're going around to her mum and dad's for Christmas. And if you're 36, I don't think you should be shouting 17 year olds. I agree with that. I just don't think you should like. How do you feel about. At least 19, even 18. I feel a bit like it's just i'm totally fine with the genders being flipped by the way like a 19 year old male and 36 year

old woman there's no issue with that sexist piece of shit i don't know i'm sick of your anti-male rhetoric um yeah and that's right that would be really yeah that's and that's that would be really and that's that funny thing about when you hear teachers have fucked a pupil and it's like a 38 year old and they've had sex with a school pupil that's a girl, you're like you fucking peter it's possible of the year he met her she had maths

like that year, like she had like a lesson she went to lessons and then he was 38, yeah but he did wait till GCC results day though, maybe he's just really thick and he was 38 yeah but he did wait till gcc results day though maybe he's just really thick and he was in a class and he's been out back 20 years it's 38 he's like i finally got a c and a girlfriend that's why he was so shit at maths he couldn't work out the age difference

that's what are you all right with this oh god should we just call it a pod ladies and gents should we call that a pod it's been a fucking one. One more. Yeah, let's do one more. Fuck that. Just know when it's a pod. One. Yeah, one more.

You've called it. No, you've got the high ground. One more. One more. Do one more and we'll do a quick one. One. Just do a quick fire question. There isn't a quick fire.

I did the quick fire. We'll do a quick fire. We'll make it quick fire. I want to do one more. It doesn't have to be a half a word. Yeah. Hey, Dan. let's do one more. Quickfire question. Come on.

You've got one minute to answer that. Dan Reese says, Sapping in lids. Could you have a word with a lad I know, please? He's constantly posting on Instagram about his runs and taking pictures every time he fucking does anything. He also deletes and re-uploads them

if they don't get enough likes, like a teenage girl. And I'm not talking about re-uploading once. I'm saying four or five times a weekend. He's deleted and re-uploads them if they don't get enough likes, like a teenage girl. And I'm not talking about re-uploading once. I'm saying four or five times a weekend. He's deleted and re-uploaded photos of his nan's funeral before. Bear in mind, this is about eight photos of him grinning with various family members.

The other day, he met his bird's granddad for the first time, took a selfie with him, stuck it on Insta, then reposted it four times just so he could get more likes. Just for reference, he's not 14, he's 21 years old with a full-time job. Well, the man's a fool because deleting your pictures

actually fucks with the algorithm, so you're going to get less likes in the long term. I love how Adam saw all of that and went, Jesus Christ. Never mind about your nan's funeral. You're really messing with the stats. I don't think there's really a problem taking a picture at your nan's funeral, is there? like no unless he's sat on the casket if he's

doing it for likes fucking hell here's my thing why is his mate so fucking bothered we do you know what i mean let him get on with his social media and you know this because you know like you're not shy on social media fucking let people get on with it. You're a comedian. You know what I mean? Exactly. This is becoming a bit of a trope with people that are emailing in. Lads going, why is my mate always on social media? Will you get off your fucking phone? It's annoying.

It's needy. Adam's on it because he's trying to develop a following. He's a comedian. That's what you're doing. That's what we're doing for the podcast. But that's what he's doing emotionally. So fucking let him have it.

Maybe he wants to develop a following Of the guy who makes funerals fun Always smiling at a funeral Yeah You can't tell a funeral Invite me to your funeral And I'll cheer you up Yeah

You're doing a TikTok Yeah Your grandad's dead But at the end of the day We can all have a laugh can't we I'll buy you a sambuca Fucking great we can all have a laugh can't we I'll buy you a sambuca do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do

fucking grim mate why is it this is sexist but why is it worse that it's a a bloke doing it if it was a girl you'd be like

aye that's what they're like just think I don't know fucking let him get on with it I think re-uploading funeral pictures is a bit odd how does he know he's re-uploaded the pictures

because he's on his insta checking it every 30 seconds he's bugged by it he's the guy with a problem he's bugged by it why you're always a bit odd. How does he know he's re-uploaded the pictures? Because he's on his Insta checking it every 30 seconds. He's bugged by it. He's the guy with a problem. He's bugged by it. You're always a bit bugged by your best mates, aren't you? You're bugged by their traits. Can I ask you a question? I don't think you do.

In fact, I know you don't. I reckon you do. Don't know about you. I want to know you. What? Do you follow anyone on social media? Who you hate? Just so you can hate them.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Hate crush. I've got loads of hate you hate. Just so you can hate them. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Hate crush. I've got loads of hate crushes. I've got one hate follow. I know who it is. You don't. I do.

You might. I cannot see the people that I hate. I just can't be bothered with it. I just don't follow. I really enjoy it. It's like scratching, isn't it? It's like, yeah. Every time I see this person,

and you can tell by the fact I'm saying person, it's not a man. Every time she tweets, I really enjoy hating it. I don't know who it is. Because she's full of shit. Oh, she's full of shit. And I fucking hate her.

What's her handle? Yeah, don't say a name. Just say her handle. What is it you hate about her? Everything she believes and stands for. All of it. Right. It's all bollocks.

Not an ex. Not an enemy. A comedian. I'm not going to say anything. It's not an ex. Right. But it's... We all know who it is.

I'm not going to say who it is. It isn't that Right. But it's... We all know who it is. I'm not going to say who it is. It isn't that... Oh, it's not the obvious one. Oh, right. No, she's blocked me. He'd have to. But she's wise. Yeah.

I cannot do that. I find that so... That's like... That's like irritating. That's forcing and irritant on me. I want to, like... I just can't do it. I disengage with that. Like, that's like irritating. That's forcing an irritant on me. I want to like, I just can't do it. I disengage with that. Like it would bug me more than I'd get pleasure of like,

oh, you fucking bellend. Laura follows people because she's like, it's a slow car crash and I can't stop looking. She feels, mates of ours and their partners who just post the same. One of my bugbears with Instagram is people see someone doing it well like that and go all right cool that's how you do it so you have a lot of just copycat dross that with people you know

there's some amazing social media accounts but then the people like oh they're good at that well i'll just do my version of that and you're like it's inane boring shit with you just talking to no it's no you've stuck like it's that whole like hi guys it's so boring people love that's what i was doing there people love that kind of content what did you what were you doing nothing all right people love watching people just talk about what they've bought the shops on youtube like those people have got millions of followers i i went and i got this thing from youtube and i got this thing from poundland or i got this thing from yeah if it's not a lingerie try on.

And people sit there and love it. People love that content. Right. I just find it too irritating. What about the people who post all their runs? Yeah, but it is, isn't it? If it's on my social media, I can find,

what about the people who are like, I've done exercise. Like I just go for a run without posting the route that you do. Yeah. No, but I think people get validation that encourages them to keep running. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. Because they're made to like it and comment and go, well done, lads. And they're going, yeah, that's part of what they need. I get why people hate it, but I also get the validation thing. I did digital art. I've started.

I put it online so people like it. So I'm like, okay, people like it, I'll do it again. Yeah, but it's nice to look at. Yeah, yeah, but it's the same kind of... Maybe this fella's running in like really nice loops. I ran in and drew a flower at the same time. Wow, that'd be some advanced jogging, wouldn't it? Look at that.

I did fucking Super Mario. All around Sefton Park. Yeah, yeah. Maybe, Dan Rees, you just need to unfollow. Like, this will be the last one I'm whinging about my mates on social media because basically

everyone else goes, no, leave him alone. And I'm like, I get what you mean. Just mute him. Even unfollow him. I get what you mean. Mute.

I think we should normalise just going, listen, I love you, you're my mate in real life, but I'm not following you online, you're a fucking bore. Without causing tension yeah

and still doesn't follow Finn he's thinking about fucking my wife he isn't your wife is thinking about him fucking her if anything you should stop following Laura

right yeah I mean that would make for interesting social media content wouldn't it? Fair play. Where can we find you? One more, please.

One more. No. No, I'm joking. All right. Yeah. So, on Twitter, at Milo Comedy, and everywhere else, just Troy Hawke. How do you spell Troy Hawke? Troy, T-R-O-Y-H-A-W-K-E.

There you go. Hawke with an E.-R-O-Y-H-A-W-K-E. There you go. With an E. Find them, follow his stuff. As we said at the start, you can get extra episodes every single week at patreon.com slash have a weird pod. You also get early access to these public episodes. There is the ghost hunt and four lockdown lock-ins.

Three? About to be four. About to be four. And Sensei Carl's quiz. There's over 100 hours of extra content for just three quid a month and what you could do is

sign up for three quid watch all those hours and then just fuck off if you wanted to there's nothing stopping you doing that but don't also we've got a new line

of merch coming so keep an eye out at haveawordpod.com we've got a new line of merch we'll sing and dance about that and keep your questions coming in to haveawordpod at g pod.com. Yeah. Got a new line of merch. We'll sing and dance about that. And keep your questions coming in to have a word pod at gmail.com. Uh, especially those have a words,

but none about your mates on social media because we're bored. Yeah. We, I'm bored of it, but I know what you mean. Milo. Thanks, man.

Love you. Appreciate it. Thank you so much for inviting me to the party. Bye. Bye. Go ahead.