Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #126 with Joe Gilmore - Have A Word w/Adam & Dan

Episode Date: June 28, 2021

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Every day. Who the fuck is that guy? Char, upset me, nasty bitch. Oh, Jesus. Don Oh, jeez. Don't chat to me! I can see fumes coming off your pum-pum look like petrol station. Shut up! Disgusting!

Coming to you from the soon-to-be world-famous Havawad Studios. Hidden away in the scenic hills of sunny Runcorn, England. These are the funniest leads in the podcast game. Adam Rowe, Dan Nightingale and Sensei Carl with full HD video episodes on YouTube. It has to be. Have a word. what's happening guys it's sponsor time and this week's sponsor is coincorner.com a fast and easy way to buy or sell bitcoin here in the UK. If you don't know

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Or you can just go to coincorner.com slash WORDPOD. That's coincorner.com slash W-O-R-D-P-O-D. Get in the cryptocurrency game. We're going to do it as well. Let's get back to the podcast. I've had a modafinil. What's that? Have you?

Yeah. Yeah. Why? I feel great. What's a modafinil? Is it like cocaine? Yeah, it's just like cocaine. I mean, it's narcolepsy.

To be fair, it's narcolepsy medication, which I do suffer from. If anyone's watching... I thought it was an ADHD medication. Yeah, I think it's used for that as well. What it's been used for today is, got up too early, want to do podcasting well, got a gig tonight.

Woo! Oh, so it is like cocaine then? No, it's a narcolepsy medication. I reckon cocaine would work for narcolepsy. Right. Fall asleep. Woo! Woo-hoo!

It would. It would. Doesn't it give you six hours of laser focus? I feel laser focused. How do you take it? Do you snort it? Yeah. Yeah.

I actually bum dropped it. You bum dropped it? Yeah. Plus, the pollen count's bad, so I stuck an antihistamine up there as well. Where did you get that from? If I sneeze, I'm going to lose about four quid of medication into my knickers. Where did you get that from? From a doctor, because I've got that narcolepsy,

you know, that I've been suffering from. So it's a real thing that I really suffer from. Online, dodgy online. Yeah, yeah. Did you get it online? Yeah. Where did you get it from? Yeah, from I'mdefinitelyarealdoctor.com.

See, your reference and something we talked about on a Patreon episode and you forget we've got about 30,000 listeners who aren't Patreons yet 30,000 people not fucking concentrating take a modafinil and wake up patreon.com slash neverwerepod I've had two codeine so we're sort of on

I've had soprofen two palisades I'm not even messing because I felt rough after my vaccine. You've had a what? Give him the mic. What's a busker pan? How do you not know what a busker pan is? A busker pan is? What's a busker pan?

It sounds like it's for like, if you've got a bad stomach. Is it a Welsh cake? Oh, sorry. No, it's like if you've got a bad stomach. I fucking love busker pan. Yeah, but I can't take something for having a bad stomach

because I'd need it every day. Yeah, idiot. You don't want to get addicted to something. I am getting quite worried that I might be getting addicted to the opioids and codeine because I got a bad headache on stage last night and the codeine made me feel so much better. And I sort of felt it coming on before

and I was like don't want to have a headache on the pod not with these lights not want to entertain you him him and all those cunts watching

I need to woo so I had a codeine and you know what I feel alright are they the ones I gave you what are they still going

yeah you gave me a full box of them I did yeah you gave me a full box like you gave me like 500 codeine I know yeah yeah so if you're a a young watcher or listener don't do drugs a full box. Like, you gave me like 500 codeine. I know.

Yeah. Yeah. So if you're a young watcher or listener, don't do drugs. They're really bad for you. But if you're pushing late 20s or God forbid 40, you've got to get through

the day, haven't you? You've got to get through the day. Codeine, bit of modafinil. Because life will grind you down. I might try smack later. Would you try heroin? Would I try heroin?

That's a weird website that you get that from. Was it from the dark web, Dan? What? Was it from the dark web? Do you think it was from the dark web? I use Mozilla Firefox. That is the oldest of the... I refuse to let the email,

the Gmail for Have A Word pod, click to the updated version. I have it on the old HTML because I like it, because I know it. Do you think I'm then going, oh, it looks familiar. I've been using this sort of Gmail

for a while. And then go, fucking dark web, lad. No, it's not dark web. It's from a website because I'm really worried about narcolepsy, you know? Can you get Google Chrome, please? No but i feel very great focus sorry until very recently i was convinced that codeine

just didn't work for me i just thought it was just like having a smarty or something i mean until you start smoking it doesn't work can we just say that it doesn't does it have you ever felt better after a paracetamol? Ever? Have you ever had a headache and gone, I'll have a little painkiller there, a little paracetamol, and then be like, oh, lovely. No, because they're piss weak, aren't they? But you know the soluble ones, when you're a bit hungover,

they help a bit, the soluble ones. I don't know what the big difference is there. It should say on the box, disclaimer, work yeah just joking feminax for a hangover that worked a treat once on the way feminax is for hang on let me try and guess feminine axe i'm going laxative so it's for feminine for women who need a shit yes you. You know, although you're wrong, logic makes more sense than the actual name of Feminax. Women, are you bunged up? You don't want to shit like a man. Shit like a lazy in a field on your own.

Too little. What's Feminax? What? What's Feminax? It's a paracetamol ibuprofen for women. But it's in pink packaging. So that's, you know, women love pink stuff

and that's an absolute fact. And they won't feel patronised. And the gays, they do as well. They'll be watching it on the pink iPhone thinking, thanks Dan, you know me. Yeah. The gays. Feminax is for your menstruals,

if you're feeling, and Aladdin Rochdale were like, mate, if you've got hangover, these work really well. And I was like, I'm just going to do this because I'm a comedian and I want the story. And about halfway to York, I was like, oh, he's bang on there. That's worked really well. Diora Light, Barocca and Lucas Aid

all together. So, Diora Light, mix that with a bit of water, put a Barocca in it, and then mix it with a full bottle of Lucozade have that French toast line of cocaine

we're off isn't that like Mentos and Coke 5k what that sounds like a Mentos and Coke kind of concoction

no no it's really good it does help I swear to god it helps how's your because we all well documented on here you've got a slightly

explosive-o-body yeah that's not the official medical term for ibs but it's pretty well like splashy poos on the daily oh good morning um how did how does that with a hangover how does that concoction of barocca hopes and dreams and fizzy water how does that do for your stomach yeah right here's the thing my stomach is so bad that I could get bowel cancer and wouldn't notice.

Do you know what I mean? Like I could have a serious problem down there and it would just be, it's Tuesday. Do you know what I mean? The doctor when they're like, you've got stage four bowel cancer, Adam. How didn't you know It's like Every day

I've been living with this shit I think I've had stage 4 Bowel cancer since 2005 Yeah It's just Yeah Right

But I've been tested now They've done me bloods and that They've They've They've tested me And they've said I'm not like Can we get some music on Alleged to anything

I love you I love you Get off me tits They've tested me and they've said I'm not like Can we get some music on? Alleged to anything I love you Get off me tits No I'm not joking Yeah so You've been tested And they've said no you're not Celia You're not the other one

And I'm not I'm not I hate that I've started doing a bit about it We just have to take doctors Are you fine? I'm not No you're not fine

No I'm not Something's wrong Yeah Look at me doctor I've had a plop in a car park Twice this month I'm not fine

Just shit in his surgery And let him see you And be like alright I had to shit in a tub for him I had to shit in front of him Shit in his room It's this month? I'm not fine. Just shit in his surgery and let him see you. And he'll be like, all right. I had to shit in a tub for him? I went shit in front of him. Shit in his room. It's not, you can't, that's a, you can't do a dirty protest

to get better healthcare. You can. Can you? You're fine. What are you taking your pants off for? No, you're fine. Stop putting your pants, Mr. Rowe, put your pants on.

Like writing prescriptions just to wipe it up and as I'm pulling my pants down he'll probably be like why are you getting your dick out I'm not get my bum all out

different game all together you know what I mean but as soon as you unbutton one bit of the jeans dick comes out what game is it

flopping around what games are we talking about different game wanking good morning good morning good morning 4,000 patrons

I'm growing yeah I'm fully on board the cozy insane now it does work right well next episode

I'll bring one of mine and you bring one of yours in let's make this a fucking party yeah well my daffodil wakes you up doesn't it

and codeine is meant to put you to sleep they say you can't drive on it you can't you just have to you know

make sure you're in you don't remember all of the journey but you get there don't you and you collect road signs I never remember

the journey getting here anymore it's so right they say you can't drive on Kody bullshit one minute

you're turning the ignition and the next minute you're in runcon that is a bit of a worry do you not have that do you not just not remember getting here i'm not joking from my house to because we're right off the motorway in runcorn and we're in the business park and i'm very close to the motorway it's a fucking photocopy of just on the motorway one

straight road two junctions runcorn. It's so samey. Yeah. I don't remember getting here today. I can't tell you whether I moved into the middle lane, whether I passed anyone, whether I stayed in the... I don't know what... I had a race on the expressway. That's the only time I remember it. Did you?

If someone's been a cunty driver. Is it 60 MPH on the expressway? Is it 70? I was going... Not 70. 73, Probably. Bit of a bad boy. What's the legal speed limit in your head?

I know, 70. 77 is the slowest. But officially, I've got narcolepsy. 76. Because apparently 10%. You get 10%, don't you? Yeah. Legally.

10% plus two, I heard. They can't prosecute you genuinely is it yeah what's the plus 2 for that's why I always do 80 no that's bollocks

because that like that speeding ticket I've got that one of our listeners and patrons is sorting out for me because he's a lawyer I got done doing 34

now don't fuck with 30 different on 30 I'm talking motorway 70 I don't think you are ever gonna get because what shows on your speedometer is not your actual speed is it if you have it on the sat nav it's always a mile per that's my 10 isn't it right i when we drove to pontifract for the ghost hunt

which is available on patreon.com all I always do 78, 79, 80. Oh yeah, me too. Unless we're dicking around on the M56, which we were. I cruise control 80 and then that's it. Right, yeah. I cruise control 76. It's almost like I'm not having a go,

but out of character for you. What, to just be like because you don't give a fuck about nearly anything like i watch you day to day you're like it's a bit of a badass thing in fact we've got a question which is relevant to this that i'll do in the second i look for the question on a special novelty question board and it and it like you have a disregard for people telling you what to do that i almost feel jealous of sometimes yeah like yeah fuck off and i wish i had a bit more of it but then to be like 76 because it's safe if 77 is the problem i go 76 or no it's like almost out of character yeah i know what you mean about the problem, I go 76 or no. It's almost out of character. Yeah, I know what you mean about the problem with authority.

Well, I don't want to get in trouble and lose my license. Like, they can take the license off me, and I don't want that to happen. Do you know what I mean? There's nothing I can do. If I get caught speeding... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I've got an attitude with authority

to the point of when they can't do anything to me or they can't take anything away that I need. Oh, I'm a big man until there's actual ramifications. Essentially. So if you speed on the M6 and like Wigan Crown Court come in, you can't, when they're trying to give you- I can't be like, well, I'll just keep driving.

Hey, I'm fucking Scouse, not English. Rowey bags out. That's not how the judicial system works. Well, like Freddie Quinn last night, he had a gig with Freddie last night in Liverpool and he was like, he did a gig last week for a promoter that you'll immediately be able to guess he was doing tour support

for a bigger comic and after his set the promoter went you swore a bit too much tonight now if a promoter said that to me now I'd tell him to fuck off my immediate reaction would be fuck off fuck off do It would be, my immediate reaction would be, fuck off. Don't fuck with me then.

Fuck off. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. No, no ramifications. Well, there is. He'd take gigs off me that I don't want to do anyway.

Right, okay. But now you, you're beyond that. Yeah. But you can't take my license off me because I need it to be able to go to, like,

Mackie's Drive-Thru. Genuinely, having been, we've been pretty close for the last year and a half. We've gigged all over. We've done this so much. We do this together.

It is an anomaly that you're like, but to be fair, they could take a license off me. Because with most of the things, like it's, you're just a bit maverick. But I wouldn't punch a policeman in the face either. Because they could put me in prison for that.

Do you know what I mean? Right. You don't have to list all the things you wouldn't do. I wouldn't fuck a cat on the high street. Because, you know, as much as you want to, you know, stroking gets out of hand all of a sudden. Meow. There's going to be problems there, isn't there?

Strange example, that, wasn't it? Yeah. I went up the gears too much. I wouldn't punch a policeman. I wouldn't fuck a cat. All right, Dan. On the high street. We've not all had a daffodil

On the A daffodil? Is that what you call it? Is that like the street name for it? No No It's definitely not If you go to a drug dealer

And go Me You got any daffodils? They're like Why are you doing that voice? You're like I don't know Because I didn't think it through fam

Adam have you been skydiving this week? Mate, mate, when did you... Producer Carl! Last! Carl, what was so brutal about that? And I've said this before. When you... I know he'll just like...

He's not the one that's the moral compass for this gig. If I look across and Adam's not laughing and going, what are you doing? Then it's trouble. But I literally did that thing and Carl sort of broke eye contact with me and just went, Adam, have you been skydiving? I didn't go skydiving this week. So anyone who watched last week's episode will know I was supposed to go indoor skydiving on Tuesday.

I didn't go and I can't even get a refund uh because you have to you know when you tick terms and conditions because you just tick terms and conditions it turns out a very important one is you can't go indoor skydiving if you've had a dislocated shoulder. So, we were getting ready to go. Who is this new Adam Rowe? There's terms and conditions. There's ramifications. There's codeine softening you up, kid. Here's what happened. Me and Sam were getting ready to go,

and she went, just check the email, make sure we take everything we need. And it said, you've got to sign this waiver before you come. Put your order number in, sign the waiver. So, it's saying, are you pregnant? Are you over 20 stone? is your mom a dickhead you know you've got to take everything have you fucked a cat you know from before on the high street nice one lols and i get funny if i keep saying it let's see how that pans out during the episode thanks for watching i can't wait for harry roberts to

design a t-shirt with you fucking a cat on it do that now um please that's not gonna so then it was has anyone ever dislocated their shoulder it was coming and i had to take yeah and it said was it in the last three years yes as it happened more than once yes and then it went right you can't come so i went back and i deleted the oh have you had surgery was the other one it was no it was like you can't come so i was like i'll tell them about the surgery and it still went i don't know still can't come and then i changed it to just happened once no no and as it happened in the last three years so you did the same thing that people do with car insurance like yeah i do about 30 000 miles a year yeah leave it on the road uh can we have two grand fuck that let's go back on compare the market.com i do 42 miles a year and it's kept in a bunker that's 83 quid a

year brilliant cool so i rang them and i was like what's going on they were like uh yeah well when you when you booked it you had to tick a box saying no one's dislocated the shoulder or pregnant so uh soz and i went mate can you just give me a refund because you're going to give me a refund anyway i'm going to speak to your boss and then it'll get sorted bonus can you just give me a refund? Because you're going to give me a refund anyway. I'm going to speak to your boss and then it'll get sorted bonus. Can you just do it? No, he won't give you a refund. You've ticked the box to say no. And I went, yeah, but I didn't read it.

And he went, well, you've got to read it. I went, yeah, but do you read it? And he went, no, but I haven't dislocated my shoulder. And I went, look, I've ticked the terms and conditions because you've got to tick them because it said something like i agree to arrive 40 minutes before my flight time and i've gone 40 minutes yeah yeah tick and then the next sentence is i no one coming is pregnant and no one has ever dislocated the shoulder you'd already got bored yeah i got really specific

isn't it what i'm gonna get it because you're weightless but it's really specific well it's the shoulder thing makes sense doesn't it yeah because you're weightless was there nothing about the neck because surely you're like what I think if you dislocate your neck

I think you've got more problems and you can't go skydiving have you ever dislocated have you ever been decapitated has your head ever fell off first question has your head ever fell off

not figuratively so you're not getting your money back no but they have let me rearrange it so me beard and my heart are going to go Ever fell off? Not, figuratively. So you're not getting your money back? No, but they have let me rearrange it, so me bird and Amara are going to go. Piers, you never read any of the terms and conditions on anything. Southpark did a brilliant episode about that where everyone just goes, oh, there's an updated terms and conditions,

you've got to agree to it, and you're like, ah, just quickly. They could put all sorts of shit in there. They could literally put in here, the boss gets to fuck you in the ass like at the end of your thing someone's gone to court and won for that though you know i don't know the details but someone's took a company you didn't read the rest of it you got bored of it yeah yeah for ticking and then you're going to court and won for not for not reading the same conditions honestly shout out to all the people uh that do read all

the terms and conditions every time that like there's an update and make sure you never like i socialize with you i've never won a social boring fucking fastidious cunts of course no one checks them like it's just like who would want to like the same conditions are that do you want this yes or no essentially isn't it you can read read them, not like something, but you've still got to want it. Right, yeah. He still would have went, wouldn't he? No. You wouldn't have went?

What do you mean? If you'd have read that it went, this case, the shoulder, you'd have said, if you'd have said, no, I haven't, you still wouldn't have went. No, because then I could have just done that the other day, couldn't I? Oh, so you... You seen the pain I was in? Oh, so you weren't going because you didn't want to go as well, because you didn't want to hurt your shoulder?

Well, obviously, if it's so specific, it means that it's a serious problem, doesn't it? So in my head, it's like, well, my shoulder's going to come out. Because of what happened last time, I'm not... If you're new to the podcast, last summer, Adam dislocated his shoulder... For the second time. For the second time, asleep, like lying down

in a bed, not indoor skydiving, indoor sleeping, so I think it's quite sensitive to be like I might be a little bit hesitant about going, is it because you're on the, you're on like the fan and you're like getting pushed and stuff, it makes sense

and your arms and I was like imagine if you're skydiving, if you're all like around the thing and you're watching Adam, he's like doing really well. And then you just heard snap and one arm was like, like he was going,

I've got a question. Boom. That would be brutal. So we went out for food instead because me missus had got a job earlier that day, permanent, good job.

And talking to cowshed which is owned by the lad who used to run baby blue in liverpool his name's you know he used

to run blue as in he was a general manager of blue above baby blue nice why is it called cowshed

it's a steak steakhouse cool and the chef properly fucked up my meal twice so what happened was sam order

whatever i ordered the special which was uh a fillet steak what nothing disability you go straight to disability did you oh no no they don't know i was just thinking about your arm flailing okay i ordered the special. That's been an absolute child. Cajun chunky chips with a fillet steak and pink pepper sauce and sauced mushrooms. Now, I ordered it medium, and it came so unbelievably well done that I was like, this is shit.

That's not good. That is not good, Chef. In a steak restaurant as well. So I said to them, mate, this is, like, this is shit. That's not good. That is not good, Chef. In a steak restaurant as well. So I said to them, mate, this is very well done. I always order medium. I get medium rare, mate. Right. Yeah.

I just think medium's like putting it on the fairway, isn't it? Because then if someone overdoes it, it might be medium to well. Because I don't mind it medium or medium to well i don't even mind it medium rare medium's just nice when i've seen people get too specific about what they want and they're like yeah medium rare and then the chef's like oh it's like almost right with your thumb that's how it feels yeah like that's rare is it and then that's right so you know right i i think well done steak is so fucking disappointing it's a waste and it's especially if it's a fillet just a burger so i ordered it medium it came very very well done and he said okay i'll swap it for you and then

the waiter went shall i ask him to do this one medium rare for you so they definitely get it right and I went no ask them to do it medium I want it medium because I'm exactly like you if it's a little bit under medium then that's the most amazing logic let's tell him to do it medium

rare because he is stupid so you know like that's literally like going listen there's always going to be a bit of he's always going to veer left so you just tell him to go with it right that's so stupid yeah so i went no i want it medium and he was like yeah but you know he's obviously and i went yeah but i want it medium because in my head i'm like if it's a little bit towards medium rare don't mind that if it's a little bit towards medium rare, don't mind that.

If it's a little bit medium well, I don't mind that. It was well done. I was like, I just want it medium. So he went away and he come back and give me my new one. And I cut into it and it mooed. It was blue. It was just blue. Do you know what?

Because I'd waited and sam was halfway through eating her tea i was like i'll just eat it and i took one mouthful and i was like that's horrible so i just left it open yeah when it goes ow yeah i was just like i was just like i'm just gonna leave it open and i spat the thing into the tissue i put the tissue in the middle of me place and he come over at the end he was like what's the matter here and i was like well that's not medium either i'd rather it be well done than like this and he's like okay and then they come over at the end and they cancelled the whole bill to be fair to them wow look we want you to come back we spoke to the owner and he you know he he prides himself on this being perfect steak we spoke to the chef who's been accosted because this is not good enough and it's not what we do here and we'd really like you to come back so

brilliant customer service they took everything off the bill i didn't want them to do that i said no do us a favor just take mine off still pay for everything else they refused they were like we're not going to take any money off you oh that's really good also like it it's just one chef it's not it's not symptomatic of the whole restaurant i've been to cowshed before like we've been dying to go to cowshed since it we've been allowed back out because it's the best steak place in liverpool and it was just a shit one and it was a new chef she said it was like his first week i i really think these specialist restaurants are the way forward now and i just love it where you're like i want a burger i'm

not going to go to just a pub that does burgers i want to go to one of those places like we specialize in this yeah so if you're selling steak you need to be able to do that fucking well because it's not cheap is it these places aren't dead cheap it was meant to be something like 28 quid damn for my thing how'd you like your chicken? Well done? Yeah. Yeah. Rare, medium rare. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Medium rare chicken.

A little bit of pink. A little bit of pink in the jaw. I love it. How's your stomach? Not good. Dan, what do you think about John McAfee? Do you know who John McAfee is? Oh, you're going to hate this.

It's going to be great. What is this? So you know McAfee antivivirus software have you been on a course to do broadcast journalism that's the most professional fucking if you whip out prepper notes i'm gonna be like shit this modafinil is airborne do you know a mcafee antivirus software for computers oh i saw it he's dead he's dead in prison how is he killed himself in prison

go on or did he no so he was in prison in Spain or P did he no

he was in prison in Spain Dan for tax evasion yeah for a couple of years yeah and two days ago he tweeted from prison

yeah right saying I'm not going to kill myself. If I end up dead, it's murder. Now he's killed himself. Got extradited to the US two days ago, and then all of a sudden just dies. He's going to be sent back to the US,

and he knows Jeffrey Epstein. Does he? Yeah. Come on, Dan. You're right, then. What do you mean I'm right? About everything. About everything. About everything.

Everything that I genuinely hate, I just... You're right. The security guy from computers, he's dead. From computers. John McAfee. Not an antivirus.

He's dead. McAfee. From AIDS. Yeah. AIDS. Yeah. Paul McAfee's dead. And he said, he's not going. AIDS. Yeah. Paul McCaffrey's dead and he said he's not

going to die and Epstein and he's a lizard and he eats kids. I agree now. Look, come on. You've got to think that's a bit dodgy.

I do. It does sound dodgy. Yeah. Do you reckon he's been murdered? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Who by? Norton Antivirus. Oh, he's well protected. Is he an anti-vaxxer?

What? Hey. You don't get extradited and then die the next day just randomly, do you? No. Oh, I'm dead. No.

Oh, argue with me! Where do you think they took him for the murder? I don't, like, where, like, yeah. I don't know. What do you want me to say? I don't know.

Who's killed him then? I want any more. If you want me to argue, I need to, A, give a shit know. What do you want me to say? I don't know. Who's killed him then? I want any more. If you want me to argue, I need to A, give a shit. The higher ups. The higher ups. The fucking Illuminati, lad. Not the Illuminati.

The Illuminati's not real. Fucking Ken Bates. What? Ken Bates. The own Chelsea. Ken Bates. The first name that came to my head. Did he own Chelsea?

Yeah. Ken Bates. Yeah, that old nods. Ken Bates. Yeah, that old nods. Ken Bates. Yeah. Former Chelsea owner. Just got nothing to do anymore. I'm going to go and kill some men.

100%. Grow up if you don't think the owners of Chelsea Football Club are a fucking Illuminati. I don't believe in the Illuminati. I just think there's a group of people. Yeah, that's what he wants you to think. Grow up. Wake up, guys. Ken Bates is dead. He is the Lizard King. yeah that's what he wants you to think grow up wake up guys

Ken Bates is dead he is the lizard king I'm a bit lizardy at the minute you know like do you know if there was a conspiracy theorist nut who looked at my back right now they'd be like see lizard people exist because it's all peely and lizardy

because of the sunburn it's not sore anymore but it looks horrible like right now my back is the most unattractive back in the Western Hemisphere. Are we in the Western Hemisphere? Can I see it? They don't have to see it,

but can I see it? Like we won't have to show it. I just want to... Let me have a look. Let me have a look. It's not that bad. Fucking hell. Northern Hemisphere. Not that bad Northern Hemisphere Not that bad

You're alright You just need a bit of moisturiser kid I've been aloe vera in it every night Yeah And it won't fuck off We went from conspiracy to skincare Quite quickly there didn't we So you're not

You just think whatever About Pat McCaffrey You're not interested Joe McCarthy Joe McCarthy Joe McKeldry Nixon Joe McKeldry. Nixon. Joe McKeldry.

He won the X Factor. Joe Mixon. Cincinnati Bengals. Tigers. McCarthy. Rawr. Frosties. Joe McCarthy.

Corn Flakes. John McCarthy. John McCarthy. John Coffee. I got the cancer, boy. He got killed in prison as well. Who? Oh my God.

It's linked. He died in in prison as well. Who? Oh, my God. It's linked. He died in prison. They killed an angel. Norton Antivirus killed an angel. The thing is, I... What's happening? I'm high. I also, I think, like, they leave clues for us to find.

Do you know what I mean? Because it would have been so this fellow was 75 and by the way he died that's what i'm saying he killed himself is the story why didn't they just say he fucking had an anal prolapse or something and died what wow how bad is your body health that you think 75-year-olds just go, fucking hell, Gene, me gutter. Oh, Brian, your anal prolapsed everywhere. That's a new carpet. He's dead.

There's no new carpet in Spanish prisons. How can you argue with that? Fact. Fact. And he fucked a cat in Benidorm. From before. You're welcome. He was murdered in prison.

Shut up. He was murdered in prison. Yeah. Are you not worried? But you are in a studio in Runcorn and don't know fucking anything about it. Are you not worried about stuff like this though? Like if they can get to him

they can get to anyone can't they? Get to me? Yeah. I'd be glad of the attention. No but don't you think like this could get big in a couple of years

and then maybe we'll be invited to these Illuminati things where they're like best podcasters in the game. Yeah. Just what the Illuminati want. Great reach.

They're good on socials. The Illuminati, Ken Bates is there going, join me, my lizard kings and queens. Have you seen Adam and Dan? I've got 4,000 patrons. Why Ken Bates? Because he's the Illuminati.

Grow up. How is he not the Illuminati? He's an 89-year-old old Chelsea. He's an 89-year-old dead guy. In your head. Oh, is he alive now? That's Illuminati? He's an 89-year-old Chelsea. He's an 89-year-old dead guy. In your head. Oh, is he alive now? That's Illuminati power. Come back from the dead.

But imagine we get invited to an Illuminati meeting because we're the biggest. Because they're like, look, they've got too big a profile. We need to control them. So we invite them along. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I'll imagine that.

I want a Nando's black card first before i get invited to the what we eating at the illuminati fucking meals halloumi oh yeah kids illuminati yeah oh sorry that's fuck cats instead oh come on that joke's died now. Um, yeah, old hat. Uh, old cat. Can I have some of them, Cody?

I'm starting to lose the buzz. But yeah, imagine we get invited to an Illuminati thing. I will. Right? And then, hello, and then you get put in prison

because we said something naughty on a podcast and like the, the woke people have won and you're in prison, but now you know everything about the fucking loop. You know what Ken Bates' bumhole looks like. And they're like, can't have fucking Dan out there knowing what Ken Bates' bumhole looks like

and using that as leverage to get out of prison. Right. Then they can get to you. Who are you leveraging that with? You'd have to describe. You haven't got a picture of it. You just know what it looks like. I'll draw it.

I think if you just look through the back catalogue of all the bollocks we talk we've literally run out of stories we are getting really annoyed about steaks

that have not been cooked properly I'm having quite a lot of fun with it I think Ken Bates would be I think it'd be

irresponsible to show his bum hole at an Illuminati bar and not expect us to talk about it I think at an Illuminati party and not expect us to talk about it. I think maybe the Illuminati are a bit smarter than that. They're careful about

who's bumhole, who sees the bumhole. No, but like, they all get naked and fuck each other and that, don't they? So, like, you're going to see a bumhole

at their parties. Right. Who do you reckon in the world has got the hardest bumhole to see? The Queen. That is a thing, isn't it? Because I quite like the idea of group sex and orgies and all that.

Not today. But you don't really want to see some dude's bumhole. It's the collateral damage of watching porn sometimes, isn't it? And you're like, oh, this is fun. Oh, bumhole. You get sort of used to seeing... What porn are you watching where you can see a man's bumhole? Well, you get certain angles.

You know when they're getting creative. It's got to be behind the man. And he's spreading his cheeks. What porn are you watching? Right. I'm telling you right now. I've never seen a man's bumhole in porn. What vanilla shit are you watching?

You're not watching the bumhole porn. I honestly, the porn directors that I watch are like fucking Wes Anderson. Bill Murray's just on a chaise longue. How are you seeing men's bumholes in porn? What are you not watching? Come on! I've never seen a man's bumhole. I mean, sometimes I watch rimming porn,

so that's sort of asking for it, isn't it? Yeah, that is asking for it. You're literally typing in bumholes. Well, not figuratively typing in bumholes. You are figuratively, literally writing in bumholes. Well, not literally. You are figuratively, literally writing in bumholes. Yeah, kissing bumholes. Yeah. Dot co dot UK.

Yeah. Matthew. Yeah. It's hard enough to find a woman's bumhole in porn sometimes, and I want to see that. Sorry, what? You don't always get to see the woman's arsehole do you i don't think you have to type many words in even on mozilla firefox you'll get there pretty quickly okay i'm just sometimes i'm

watching porn i'm like i wonder what abel mall looks like right you get to the end of it and you're like didn't even get to see how in your comment more bummer please porn comments are phenomenal aren't they oh my god if you've logged into Pornhub, sort your fucking life out. Have you not got like an account? No. That surprises me. I thought you would be like liking and commenting.

What, just really part of the community? Because you're into it, aren't you? You love a little spaff. Yeah. I think you're sort of misjudging my into it. I just like, I like porn, but I'm not like, I know the game. Like, who is the cinematographer on this shoot?

I don't give a fuck. Have you got like a favourite porn star? Not really. Do you ever search for the specific? Not really. Yeah. No, I'm more genre. Genre.

Yeah, like, I don't need specific cast. Yeah. So if you find out specific porn stars in like a new film you don't make sure to go and watch it no no I'm not like

oh shit if Daniel Day-Lewis is in a new film you're like might watch that he's great isn't he yeah no I'm not like

waiting for the big release oh god you know Blow Bang 14's coming out can't wait 14 oh yeah they've done some Blow Bang do you have to have seen the first 13 to understand it Blowbang 14's coming out Can't wait 14?

Oh yeah they've done some blowbang Do you have to have seen the first 13 to understand it? And that's some stand up from 2007 to 2013 From lots of people Shall we have a break before we have a breakdown? I'm hungry I'm hungry Shall we eat now? Yeah

What's happening guys? It's Adam here? I'm hungry I'm hungry Shall we eat now? Yeah What's happening guys it's Adam here and I'm here to tell you yet again that this podcast Have A Word is supported and brought to you

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have you ever noticed how Barry Chuckle looks like Mother Teresa yeah I saw a tweet saw it I mean it's uncanny looks like Mother Teresa. Yeah, I saw that. I saw a tweet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you see it? Saw it.

I mean, it's uncanny. Oh, my God. Make sure you slide that in, please. And they're both dead as well. Yeah, and I'd never seen them both in the same room. In a Spanish cell. You know, there was never an episode. Barry Chuckle died in a Spanish cell.

There was never an episode of the Chuckle Brothers with Mother Teresa in. Because they couldn't possibly do it. There wasn't a lot of guest appearances on the Chuckle Brothers with Mother City isn't it? Because they couldn't possibly do it. There wasn't a lot of guest appearances on the Chuckle Brothers was there?

Not in terms of like you know. Chuckle Vision. Was it called Chuckle Vision? It was. Was it not called the Chuckle Brothers?

They are the Chuckle Brothers. They are the Chuckle Brothers. Have you ever seen a picture of the girl's dick in the glass?

What? Looks like there's a dick in the girl's glass. Yeah. It's great. I don't know. Yeah.

Best episode. It's mad isn't it that like they went into comedy when they say her name's chuckle anyone doing a

bite on that nope we've been sent some free gin the worst the death by by

no one saying anything got some nice glasses. Gin balloons, they're called. Have we got any tonic water? Do you want one? Have we got tonic water? No.

No? No. Maybe. Gibbons Gin. They sent us this for free. They're a new gin company based in Liverpool. Very lovely branded bottle. I would buy that off the shelf in the Aldi if they stocked it, which based in Liverpool. Very lovely branded bottle. I would buy that

off the shelf in the Aldi if they stocked it which they don't. Backtrack on that. In the Waitrose. In the Waitrose or another high end.

Aldi's got a good selection of ale that you've never heard of, hasn't it? Has it? I knew Lidl did brands pretty well. Yeah.

Gibbons Gin on Instagram. They're giving us this to drink on the next lockdown lock-in, which is going to be with Stephen Tries and his mate Max, and it's going to come out. Let's just double-check the dates. People are hyped about that, aren't they? I think it's coming out the 17th of June.

No, the 16th of July. What? Friday the 16th? Friday the 16th of July. It's coming the 16th? Friday the 16th of July. It's coming out. Just delete that. That's what I said. It's coming out in the past.

Exclusively on Patreon.com. I'm really getting into the old gin and tonics, mate. I'm going to be exclusively drinking Gibbons and tonic that night. Have you seen how much Finn doesn't suit hats? Wow. Tell them, Finn. Fucking hell. Finn, just look at the camera. It's the fact that it's white. that night have you seen how much Finn doesn't suit hats wow tell them Finn fucking hell Finn just look at the camera

it's the fact that it's white as well do you know that company have sent us free clobber what's the name of them wink

it's the wink yeah wink clothing and I think they now seeing their merch on your head are probably regretting that

I imagine so do you know what it looks like it's the hair it just doesn't you look albino you look like an albino with that ass on can you just wear it in a less sort of dad at his child's sports game way they a little bit but there you go it's not as bad it's still not great young american paper boy instantly instantly. Oh, my God. Can you just say this? What? Bill and Ted? Look at you.

That looks well better. Can you just say, like, right down the camera, hello, I'm Finn, and I'm an albino. Yeah. Hello, I'm Finn, and I'm an albino. He delivered the line pretty well, didn't he? Carl, what do you look like with the cap backwards? Let's have a look.

Has he got a little head? He looks like he's got a fucking massive head. It's giving me a headache. Oh, my God. Carl looks like you could buy pills off him in Ibiza. Lad, you got any stuff? I'm on all night, lad. Bits.

You both look ridiculous. You guys got an ass on? What? You guys got an ass on? Can't see anyone. Because it's camouflaged. Yeah. Can't see anyone.

Wink clothing, ladies and gents. Not worn by me and Adam. But if you like production staff in funky hats, we get sponsored by gin companies it's great Gibbons gin if anyone else has got a company

by the way and you want to send us some stuff you can Apple we're for sale we are for sale yeah

what other sponsor are we looking for would you let someone shoes we've already covered that sponsor like paper it's good for writing on

sorry go would you let someone like sponsor one of your body parts like on sorry go would you let someone like sponsor one of your body parts like with a tattoo would you have like a fucking

Heineken bum a Heineken bum Heineken bum cheek right is that something that Heineken are really putting money into well not Heineken

I don't know Andrax an Andrax bum cheek it feels better doesn't it yeah or like a fucking you know

Terry's chocolate orange tits Terry's chocolate orange tits p Terry's chocolate orange tits. Puma bummo. A puma bummo. Yeah. A Donny dick? No.

A Lonsdale gooch. What? A Lonsdale, they are goochy, aren't they? Schlesinger arsehole. Goochy? I've never heard, is that anything to do with the look? Is goochy the brand? Yeah.

Has to do with the goochy gooch the brand yeah i have to do with yeah yeah because if you ever if you even though the clothing is expensive if you smell it smells like we and poo at the same time a little bit gucci a little bit sweat a gucci gucci i don't know what's the smell of the gucci sweat it's it's salty like brine it smells salty how are you saying that with so much confidence like you're always because i have a bit of a oh no all this stuff hot dogs don't even start telling me that you don't have a scratch and sniff not but the perineum don't go all the way have a little like you know it's happened before but it's like of course

perineum should we start this section again the peri-perineum the gucci gucci the gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gucci gu Sam get on that sniff it first then tickle it what just happened what what just happened then what do you mean you just went he saw me move the camera I was wondering what he was up to

alright you haven't commented on me jumping I'm a bit disappointed I thought you might like it's not all about you Adam we've had some emails in do you like me jumping yeah

it's Gucci is that Gucci have you shat yeah it's Gucci yeah is that Gucci have you shat yeah it's nice if your Gucci smells like poo it doesn't

it doesn't poo Gucci it's not I mean it's not a million miles away is it no pooch Mark Pugash

what Mark Pugash first section was fire though wasn't it didn't that first section you know who Mark Pugash is Mark Pugash he section was fire though wasn't it in that first section you know who Mark Pugash is

I don't know who Mark Pugash is Mark Pugash he's a BBC sports journalist Mark Pugash oh that's a different one oh for fuck's sake how do I spell it

Mark Pugash yeah that guy Mark Pugash that one you shit in a fanny you're marking it you've got a bit of a pooey gash there questions so bad that's when google is not a fucking benefit

that guy no one gives a shit brilliant god for the audio listeners we shouldn't have got the internet um oh did you see Carl Nassib? Someone's messaged him out. Dominic Clare said, how significant do you think it is for Carl Nassib to come out as the first gay NFL player for all of sports? So a NFL player has come out as openly gay. He's the first ever.

Have you seen that he's getting shit because he's a Republican? Is that what they've gone to straight away? Yeah, so like left-wing twitter has gone oh of course the first gay one's a republican that's the wrong type of gay we don't like gays who vote that way and of course neither do we but you can't like you can't be disappointed that the wrong person's come out as gay i mean he he also earns probably seven or eight million dollars a year, I would guess, at his sort of level. Five, six million maybe.

And that's, you know, he was on one of the documentaries they do, Hard Knocks, is like the thing that build up to a season. And he featured on it because he was talking about economics. He was trying to teach other NFL players about interest and compound interest and how it works and how it develops it does not shock me that if you earn that much money and you're into money you would then be like i'm fucking rich i want to look after it i'm a republican i can't believe he's the first ever like player that played on a fucking nfl team and everyone's like yeah but he's a fucking republican like that is not the point it goes beyond his politics

it's um mesmerizing that in 2021 everyone's like fucking hell that's big isn't it like it's taken this long for that sport to have an openly gay player do you think in a few years there'll be enough openly gay sports people that they could be like bumming in the changing rooms you know what I mean that's where you decided to go with it I'd say you fucking

are tired what just like how got a match in a minute give us a sec boss come on do you know when I wrote that question

I was like I hope Adam doesn't do the thing I think he might do turns out he did Got a match in a minute. Give us a sec, boss. Come in his house. Do you know when I wrote that question, I was like, I hope Adam doesn't do the thing I think he might do. Turns out he did. Turns out he did. Hang on a sec, boss. I'm going to come in his house. Yeah.

I think it'd be good. Do you know what I mean? Do you know what I mean? Adams, do you know what I mean? Fucking shake the bottle up. Throw it in. Do you know what I mean? How would bottle up throw it in do you know what I mean how would that be good Adam for Bowman in the changing room

what's good I think it's frowned upon all sexual I think all sexual intercourse is frowned upon in changing rooms you know like big game

tell you what the defensive end he loves to fuck his missus in the dressing room just before he starts everyone else is putting on the cleats he's like this is what

this is what we play for. Yeah, it's just frowned upon, doesn't it? What if? Man, woman, cat. What if they're in a cubicle? What? What if they're in a cubicle? The fuck cubicle.

Yeah. Fuck cubicle. We're just literally going to have a listenership of white straight bellends in about three months you should have a white bellend hang on

why what that's what that's what you take umbrage with yeah that's the bit that you're like

hey that's too far Dan no do you think the gay players are going to be fucking in front of everyone else

do you know what I mean I think we might just have white straight balance hey fuck off that that's disgusting what you just said no what i'm saying is like i'm not saying i'm against it you pro it you suggested it bum away yeah yeah i think imagine jack and there'll ever be an all gay Team Then there might be bumming Come on

If everyone's gay Coach gay All staff gay Coach gay That's his name No The coach is gay All the staff are gay

All the players are gay You win a match Big orgy Celebrate Remember what Finn thought bumming was Yeah Touching bums accidentally No it was more like Charge win a match big orgy celebrate remember what finn thought bumming was yeah touch it touching bums accidentally no it was more like when you're when you're a kid like not recently no this is

like when i was seven um i used to think men just used to charge each other backwards jump in the air backwards jump into each other uh just like a moonwalking jewel yeah essentially gentlemen bottoms out yeah and then just fucking charge yeah right so that's what you thought i only found out at about 14 that that was not what it was it's a bit late but how did you find out i genuinely think i was like you tried to reverse bomb someone and they're like what the fuck are you doing finn's experimenting with his sexuality on real beach, just walking backwards with his ass out. I seem to remember I was like,

oh yeah, it's a bit like bumming. And then everyone was like, no, you're wrong there. Because they were talking about like belly flop. Oh no, what is it where you like jump in the air and then?

Chest bump. I was like, yeah, it's like bumming, isn't it? And they were like, no, not really. In your head, were they also bent over in all fours? Because I'd love to know how you go from all fours. No, no, no.

This was standing. No, it was like running at each other. And then at the last minute, turn, bang, like that. Oh, so running head on. And then at the end, you pirouette. In your head, did you think it was happening in a bedroom? How big are the bedrooms in real that you think everyone can have a run up,

swivel and then fucking bum? It's more in the streets in real. In the streets? They're bumming in the streets. Street bumming? Yeah. Panic on the streets. Run bumming.

Out of season, out of season, out of season. Wow. Run bumming. So that's what we think about gay NFL players. Yeah. I think it's great. I think it's awful. There you go, twist.

Weird, isn't it? You think you know us, but you don't. Do you think he'd be treated differently by his teammates? Do you reckon his teammates already knew? Do you reckon he told them before he told the news i wonder i mean to come out as gay he did it in a really cool way because he was just like just bit of news i want to i want to let you know that i'm gay and i hope one day soon it won't be an issue that players come out as gay because there's something like 1500 guys on professional rosters.

There was a guy called Michael Sam that came out of university and he got drafted in the sixth round and he was openly gay and he was the guy that Bill Burr did the bit about where everyone was like, oh my God,

he kissed his boyfriend on draft night, he got drafted. And Bill Burr's like, that's what you get for watching that draft. I wish you'd fucking blown him yeah yeah and he never he never made a roster so he never actually played in the nfl and carl nasib basically said oh one day soon you have to do a little video coming out wouldn't it be good if you were just like it it wasn't necessary do you think being gay will ever get to the point in society

where it's sort of like no one, because you're always assumed straight, aren't you? Do you know what I mean? It's funny you should say that, because on one of my NFL podcasts, their producer is called Erica Tamposi, and she's gay, and she just came out as gay about four or five months ago,

and they just quietly made a thing about four or five months ago and it was uh quite they just quietly made a like a thing about it because it was a big moment and she hadn't even told the guys from the podcast and she was like it's huge because in the future you're gonna have kids basically you go so if you're a girl and you're watching the Premier League or particularly the NFL, if you're a girl in America, you go, oh, I can't play this. It's just all men. And that's, her point was, now that there's even just one gay player,

if you're a young lad and you know you're different already, you know there's something different about you, you have one guy that makes you go, oh, I'm different, but he's different and he still did it and it is kind of momentous for that i don't give a fuck who like like which flag nonces don't like it when they're like 65 like well that's me i'm not watching the oakland raiders no more but it's great for that future the future generation to look forward isn't it like i hope that all the players are sound i think there has been a really good reaction but i think there will be some fuckwits in and around it

who use it as like a barb. And that's surely why there are no footballers in this country that have come out as gay. There must be more. There was, Justin Fashnew, and then what happened? But did he come out as gay while he was playing? I don't think so. I think he came out later, didn't he?

Really? I thought he was playing. And there was a lad that played for Leeds about 10 years ago that came out but it's minimal isn't it? Yeah, oh totally. And how many Premier League footballers are there like 40 odd on a squad? Talking 4 or 500 people

4 or 500 men there's got to be at least a percentage of people who are gay I mean there's four of us in this room so you do the math um maths maths yeah you're not american but what what i was asking is do you think it'll ever get to a point in society probably not in our lifetime but maybe just beyond that where people don't assume you're straight sorry i forgot what i was saying about erica tamposi and she said that they go to hotels and with a girlfriend and they're like oh you want twin rooms yeah and it's just little moments like that where they're just the assumption is men are

with women and yeah and vice versa and yeah it's a subtle thing that i think you'd never clock and like you thinking that i suppose is uh yeah i don't know it's a strange one isn't it because it's just a statistics thing how what percentage of the world is is gay or or bisexual or some variation of like what would you say it was what would you say in the uk i'm sorry honest i don't i don't even know if you can know that by putting in google because haven't we just proved that a 27 year old guy's come out as gay at 27 how can you find the stats on that without them guessing uh apparently there's 3.6 million six percent six percent of people but do you think it would be more than that because i thought it'd be a lot more than that what Have they done anonymous polls?

I don't know how they've done it, but this is a... No one asked me. Yeah, what would you... I'm straight, but no one asked me. For now. Yeah, so how do they know? Because they've only asked. You know.

They haven't asked you. No. Did they ask you? No. I'm dealing with my own stuff, because I'm nonbinary so oh yeah i think so you reckon when as soon as i work out what non-binary is i'm thinking that's where binary means you do not conform to being either 100% man or 100% woman you're sort of in the middle so you're sort of you like cars, but you don't mind Barbie dolls as well. It's a scale, isn't it? Yeah.

Like a bath bomb. Yeah. By some people's definition, that makes you non-binary because you like feminine things. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, but then aren't they defining things as feminine, which is not non-binary?

No. Non-binary means... So binary code is ones and zeros, isn't it? Yeah. So, it makes everything black and white. It's this or that. So, you've got men and women. Non-binary means I'm not quite a man,

I'm not quite a woman, I'm somewhere in the middle. They don't deny that the binaries are there, that they're the boundaries, man and woman. It's just that they don't fit to either of them. I mean, if there's even one degree of femininity, surely, is that what you're saying? That even if you show any sort of feminine tendencies, you could be counted as non-binary?

That's what some people believe, I think. Well, some people, fucking hell. Surely everybody is. That's literally everyone's non-binary. Yeah. Because Laura farts like a dude. Yeah. You know, and she makes IKEA furniture so much better than me.

And she's got a big dick. Yeah. And I like sucking it. And we're straight and married, so. I like a bath bomb, you know. I wear pink stuff. Right. I'm going to be honest with you.

When I come in today, I didn't think we were all going to come out as trans after the episode but I've been wrong before and I'll be wrong again we're the non-binary podcast now yeah

you can't say we're not LGBT plus put us in that on Apple and watch us fucking fly up the rankings it would be great

to get to the point where no one gave a fuck about this stuff. Wouldn't it be amazing? Like the bigger picture, if we could all just hate Tories together. Wouldn't it be great?

Gay, straight, bisexual, LGBT, any letter you want. I think it's definitely getting there. That we just,

we could all come together and hate Tories. I imagine if you speak to people from a community, they have a very different opinion. What I'm doing there is, compared to decades gone, and how quickly it's progressed. You don't have to be on social media very long

until you see some awful example of a homophobic attack or something. As a kid got beaten up in Liverpool a couple of weeks ago, Steph Johnson put it on it's not like we can't sit here as straight blokes and be like it is better though

isn't it it is better because I will watch Graham Norton now so we're progressive but

I'd fucking hope that's the direction we're going eh yeah it'd be interesting when a Premier League player comes out

yeah yeah I think it's gonna be a long time before that happens and that's fucking sad isn't it no I think the NFL

thing will push it along I hope so the fact that he's done it because it's a domino effect no one wants to be the first because we'll put it this way we're the podcast

in Runcorn England and we've spent 20 minutes on this subject because we're now talking about this guy we know his podcast in runcorn england and we've spent 20 minutes on this subject because we're now talking about this guy we know his name that's what people don't want they don't want that attention they don't want to be the the guy everyone's talking about they just want it to be normal but he's now done that so when you the first 10 people to do this are going to get attention

the 250th isn't do you know what i mean yeah, what you're saying is right because this has happened and you just don't want him to be the solitary dude who does it and then he retires and then we go back to waiting again. What's the gap

between NFL and the fans in terms of communication and stuff? When you go to a football ground, what's the crowd like in the NFL? Is it quite... Well, I've never been over there. I've only been to... off is a like when you go to a football ground what's the crowd like in the nfl is it like quite i well i've never been over there i've only been to wembley and it's very different wembley's just like a load of nfl geeks and a couple of expatriate americans and everyone's in their own jersey like hey you're into this as well i'm into this yay we're not with our wives hey like

and then a few corporate cunts going hang on what's happening like it's really like in this in the states they don't have they don't have segregation between fans like they just sit around and that's why you see the cameras being like like some bronco fans going and they're like they're next to each other apparently oakland raiders are a bit saucy but because of the travel there's not like a massive away section here I think the most you could travel for a league fixture

in this country isn't it like Carlisle to Plymouth or something which you could do in a car in six or seven hours or eight hours

yeah something like that yeah what I'm saying do they sing about players do they do they sing about you know what I mean it would be so easy

to be horrible about a player at a football ground if it came out he was gay. So he plays for the Oakland Raiders. It's difficult this season just gone because there was no fans in. So they've got their new stadium in Vegas. And I don't know, there won't be loads of away fans.

And also, I don't know if it's that vibe really. I think it's the social media thing, isn't it? It's more the social media problem. I don't think that's going to happen here, certainly not in the Premier League. Like homophobic chants. I don't mean chants. Really?

You get racism regularly. Really? You get racism as in one horrible cunt will call someone a monkey or something. That's what I mean. I don't mean there's a whole crowd someone a monkey and they'll be kicked out but I mean I think it would happen a lot more

if there's a gay player it'd be so easy for that go to imagine taking a corner at Stamford Bridge I know we're giving Chelsea loads of shit but as the away player who's the only out gay player

in the Premier League taking a corner, I just don't trust that that's not going to get... It's fucking horrible. Yeah. But if we're still dealing with the racism,

which again, talking as a white bloke, you feel like you're out of place, but does it feel like since Brexit and Black Lives Matter, that's got worse? It's almost fucking

like rattled the hornet's nest and all the cunts have gone hang on do you think you'd say something if you were at a Watford game for example and someone like fucking Jordan Henderson had just come out as gay and Liverpool playing Watford

and someone goes yeah take the corner you fucking puff or whatever. Do you think you'd be like, fuck off, lad? Because I know that I would. Yeah. And I know at Anfield, if you did that at Anfield.

Yeah. Like, Liverpool fans are well known. This is, I mean, if you're a United fan, you might not think this, but a really knowledgeable football crowd.

There's a lot, like they're proper fans, aren't they? They just, they'd be literally picked up by the fans and escorted out they would it wouldn't even take a steward to them yeah i would and i and the same with racism and when when like i'm a fucking 40 year old and i'm i've got a daughter and now i've got a son which i've got to keep remembering and uh i'm gonna be maybe taking them to games one day and the thought of having that happen and etta hear it and go daddy oh my god it makes me feel like i know we fuck around loads we take the piss loads about stuff like this i would the level of anger and it wouldn't

have even been to me but you're bringing you're just making her aware of something so fucking horrible that like grownups do that. I hope she never has to deal with that. Laura had a friend when we met who, me and Laura met five, six years ago, six, seven years ago, who was a bit of a twat. And Laura had been mates with her since school and had put up with a lot of twattishness and just ignored a couple of bits here and there and I didn't know her very well heard the name a lot met her once met twice she was fine and I didn't warm to her massively but Laura only saw her sort of twice a year and so the second or third time i met her we were all at the restaurant and something about muslims came up and she went was there a few in no no no just very loosely i don't know how and she was like yeah but you've got to be careful i mean you're done because otherwise

we'll be under sharia law and we were like inner harvesters or something and i went i thought because she'd not shown any inclination of being funny and i think if you like this podcast you know that we kind of like that banter yeah that to me shows you're dead funny and i went and she was like and i went oh good grief she's not fucking joking and i went what do you mean she was like well it's a worry isn't it you know for our children i was like oh god and i saw laura go oh no because laura had just sort of ignored these things when they occasionally popped up but i i don't have to ignore it no you're just a fuckwit that i have to now deal with. I went, what the fuck?

What are you talking about? And it turns out she's just massively Islamophobic. And I went, how many Muslims do you think are in this country that we're genuinely under risk of being forced under Sharia law? She was like, it's millions and millions and millions. Millions and millions and millions. I went, babes, you live in the West Midlands. I think that's maybe where your perception is a little bit different.

Like, I think the, and I'm not sure, like the Muslim population of the country is about 5%. I think she had it about 52. And so me and Laura had a conversation afterwards where I was like, if we're going to have kids, that cannot be near my kids. You can be mates with fuckwits if you want and ignore stuff.

Cause it's not like she was like, Laura, great to see you. Can I talk to you about the EDL? We're going on a march. Let's have a girl's day. Like it wasn't like that. But I was like, I'm not having my kids around that.

She's not anti fuckwit. I'm not having her anywhere near him. She's pro fuckwit if anything, cause she is one. Oh my God. So they're not mates anymore. They didn't last last a lot and i've never done like it what i wasn't saying you can't be mates with her but having that shit around your kids perpetuates all this bullshit down the line so uh i hope i would say something would you stand up and say something yeah but i i do it with safe in the knowledge that I'm a Liverpool fan and 12,000 people on the cop would back me up.

Yeah, like you're getting in a fight, but you know you've got your boys. Yeah, yeah. Hey, that's homophobic, isn't it? Isn't it? Yeah, if someone said that, I'd be like, don't be like that, lad. Shut the fuck up right now.

And I'd imagine the type of person who would say something like that would be like, oh, shut the fuck up. And I just know what that would be like on Puff you'd get up that seems a bit alright okay doesn't matter what way

it's all the same it's all the same I know but when is it I suppose I remember when I lost that weight a few years ago and I had a bit about it

I mentioned it on stage and one night in Sheffield I got nothing and right from the back of the room one guy went BENDER and i thought that was like you can't but then that's a comedy club it's jokes in it it's not like the away end yeah yeah another question should i lighten it up

yeah yeah yeah did you enjoy that though yeah good especially the bit about all of them woman and the changing room you had a right laugh i saw the bit when you went oh right i'm gonna have to actually talk about this all right i do have an opinion if dan's in that mood um uh we've got a would you rather someone sent in that they've heard on another podcast jonathan hardy says a would you rather for you sent in that they've heard on another podcast. Jonathan Hardy says, a would you rather for you stolen from Richard Herring. That's all right. Richard Herring's a bit of a ledge. You like Richard Herring, don't you?

You're a big fan. Lee and Herring. You've interviewed him. Could you give him the mic, Cole? I interviewed Richard Herring. He was a very nice man. It was back in my student radio days. Student radio.

It was quite the pull. It was quite the pull for that. What, did your listener think of that my mum thought it was a great interview yeah this guy this guy funny but he knows the industry um what was the student radio station called shock radio shock radio coming in your ears every monday morning not j. What was the big shock? The big shock. It was just the name.

You weren't trying to be shock jocks. No. Ask the question, Dan, I reckon. Okay. Do you want to do some prep and then ask questions? Fuck you. Would you rather be the face of a twin mostly absorbed in utero,

staring out of the stomach of your otherwise regular twin, or be the prisoner of horny bigfoot that's from jonathan hardy thanks jonathan i don't understand that question would you rather be the face of a twin mostly absorbed in utero staring out of the stomach of your otherwise regular twin or be the prisoner of horny Bigfoot? The first part of my question's gone. Can you imagine if there was a little Adam in Adam's stomach like,

I don't want to do hot water tonight, Adam. So I'm like a face coming out of my own belly. No, of your brother's belly. Of my brother's belly. Your twin's belly. Or I'm the prisoner of a horny big foot yeah

yeah you chose this question yeah sometimes it's difficult because I like what I do with the prep is I think oh I throw in some serious ones

and I throw in some weird ones and I feel like what I've done from your this is what it looks like with your face how you've reacted to this the first one was too serious and then this one is so fucking ridiculous you're not even engaging in it yeah yeah but i also feel like sometimes i'm wrong but i'm also

looking at his face yeah they're confused and how many patrons has richard herring got exactly so don't fucking nick questions from Richard Herring and I'll choose them better. What would you pick? No, we're not doing it. No, we're not doing it. Because it's dreadful. It is, yeah.

If you had to fuck two girls who had the combined age of 50, change it up. Yeah. I've sanitized that. Yeah. 45. 45 and 5. a 50 change it up yeah I've sanitised that yeah 45 yeah

45 and 5 good change up I was changing the answer I go 32 and 18 do you know what I mean do you know what you mean yeah they're two numbers yeah

88 should we delete all of this no shall we delete all of this no shall we delete all this he can't turn his phone off

I can't choose a question leave it in can you start doing some prep like you promised that'd be great yeah I'd love that yeah

it'd make my life dead easy because I wouldn't have to do this and then go should I ask this you know like yeah if you want me to do the prep

all you've got to do the prep all you've got to do is ask in in a letter what write me a letter asking me post it to you and then it goes on the pile you can just hand and then in five years you go to prison envelope that'd be a faux par would just hand me the letter or email me right adamro comedy at gmail.com why have I given anyone one now now we're deleting it now it's getting fucking deleted oh dear

I'm a bleep net hi Liz just this weekend signed up to Patreon it's one of the best shouts I've ever made genuinely think news are all brilliant

was listening to an older pod and you were having the conversation of who would your ideal comedy night bill be at one point Dan mentioned a car share and it made me think about your own version of that so you're driving and you need to select one comedian one celebrity

oh sorry one celebrity crush and one musician one sports personality for a car share who would you pick i'm such a huge fan and look forward to when you one day tour up in Glasgow. Cheers, Lids. That's from Danny. So we are doing a car share. Who is your comedian, your celebrity crush, your musician, and the sports personality that you would pick? Okay. So celebrity, musician.

Sports personality. Celebrity, crush. Yeah. Musician, sports personality, crush Yeah Musician Sports personality And comedian Yeah So comedian Are you booking yourself?

I'm driving aren't I? Right yeah Right So the other It's got to be a big car now Because you've got Someone's in the fucking Middle spot of the back

Middle seat of the back Yeah Or on the roof On the roof Yeah Yeah So comedian Pick Freddy and put him on the roof.

I'd fucking love that. Watch your dream car show. You're in it, Freddie. Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. Get on the fucking roof. I'm starting my own podcast. Beard everywhere. So, comedian.

I would go... Ooh. I would go Kevin Bridges he'd be good on a car share I reckon he'd be a sound good laugh er Celebrity

Celebrity crush Helen Mirren erm Have our celebrity crushes merged? Have we spent so much time with each other? Just really getting into MILFs She's a GILF She's a G really getting into milfs she's a gilf she's a gilf

yeah I think she's a great gilf yeah she is oh um sports personality oh

Wilfred Songer Wilfred John Songer Joe Wilfred Songer Joe Wilfred Songer

give me a million guesses I wouldn't have picked the tennis player John Songer Joe Wilfred Songer Joe Wilfred Songer give me a million guesses I wouldn't have picked the tennis player is he the black guy that looks like Muhammad Ali

yeah he does all mad shit is he still playing yeah but he doesn't want to he's coming towards the end of his career and who was the other one

what else have I got to pick and a musician the lead singer of the arctic monkeys alex turner where where did you where did john wilford songer come from interested you know what i mean i've never been to france so he could tell me all about it the i just think it'd be funny to get all those people together like caleb and brad

jiles making jokes he's in the front with me having a laugh part and Helen Mirren's there like why the fuck have I been roped into this John Wilfred Songer's like what the fuck and then Alex Turner's

just moaning about everything oh man I'd just be taking the piss out of them three he's not the pick on a road trip is he a fucking cool rock star who has to sit next to

an ageing actress and a French tennis player. I'd put Songer in the middle. He's a big man for the middle, isn't he? Behind Kevin Bridges would be Helen Mirren, so that I can have a little look around and have a little perv of her every time. So there she is.

Ooh. Yes. And then right behind me, Bialik Senna, because I'm not asked about him. He'd just be, oh, fucking hell. Everything's shit in it. I'm dead good, me. I'm going to write you a sad song about this fucking road trip.

You cunts. Who would you pick, Dan? I would pick... Who is the hardest woman in the UFC? It was Amanda Nunes. Amanda Nunes. I'd pick Amanda Nunes and, I don't know Nunes And I don't know

Comedian I don't know Amanda Nunes is not attractive by the way I've got Russell Brand Just picking a name out Yeah Out of nowhere Amanda Nunes and Russell Brand

In the back Right Everyone else in the front Just let their man go Yeah I just picked I just picked A name You picked a woman Who could punch let their man go out. Yeah. I just picked a name.

You picked a woman who could punch almost any man's head in. Yeah. Repeatedly. Yeah. Really fucking hard. Leg hold, snap something. And just a comedian at random. Russell Brand.

Yeah, I'll go him. Yeah. Okay. Comedian is Russell Brand and your sports personality? Or was she the sports personality? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I also fancy her.

Oh, so you... There you go. Oh, no. I'll have Ronda Rousey as my celebrity crush. She can sit the other side. Ronda Rousey's shit, though. Oh, she gone.

Amanda Nunes punched her in like 40 seconds. Yeah, but she's still like the second hardest woman on the planet. Rose Namajunas. Rose Namajunas? Yeah.

Yeah. I had to learn her name just to make her the celebrity crush in one of the other seats at the back. Yeah. A musician. Whoever can just do the theme to that phenomenal beating. Shall we have a breakdown? Yeah.

Shall we have a breakdown? Yeah. I think I might have had one. Joe Gilmore's coming in it's going to be really good see you after the money come back has anyone got any

daffodil hey listen to this this podcast have a word yeah is sponsored by beer52.com and we have been

for about a year now they are our OG sponsor and I've got to tell you about them if you don't know who they are they are the number one craft beer discovery club in the UK

what's a craft beer discovery club Adam well I'll fucking tell you about them. If you don't know who they are, they are the number one craft beer discovery club in the UK. What's a craft beer discovery club, Adam? Well, I'll fucking tell you, mate, okay? What they do is they help you discover craft beer. They send you different craft beers every month from all over the world, different themes every month as well. You might get a month worth of South African beers. You might get some from Argentina the next month.

You might get some from South Korea or something. All over the world, they'll help you discover the best craft beers that you've never heard of. And here's the best thing. Because you're a listener to this podcast, not only do you get a free case of eight beers and an award-winning beer magazine for free, just by going to beer52.com slash weird. All you do, pay the postage and packaging, eight free beers, free beer magazine, and a little tasty snack as well.

And also, it helps us out. You support our sponsors. They support us. This thing can keep going we can keep the have a weird gravy train on the fucking track so go to beer52.com slash weird right now and get yourself some bevvies for nothing you still haven't complimented or slagged this jumper off. But it's fun knowing that you want some form of reaction to give you none. Isn't it? What do you think?

I don't. I haven't really gotten a picture. That's a nice jacket. Mate, that is a lovely Juventus original Kappa jacket. I reckon now he complimented me on my jacket so I'd complimented him.

No, I actually... What's really funny? Soon as you walked in. Hey, so I'd compliment him. No, I actually... What's really funny, as soon as you walked in, hey, mate, that's lovely. Nice jacket. Fucking daffy duck, mate. And the bunny. Bugs.

New ones coming out soon, though, innit? Yeah, I can't wait for that. When we went for lunch earlier, we were looking at classic footy merch. Yeah. I'm the biggest classic football nonce like going oh we've been chatting

about it all day haven't we yeah take that mic a little bit closer to you and just tell lovely

there you go and your bassy your bassy as well bassy got a deep voice it's like Woolbury White that's what I like to do

oh my god you've got the bass up ladies enjoy this section Juventus Kappa what are we talking there like 99 2000 98 Oh my God. You got the base up ladies. Enjoy this section. Juventus, Kappa, what are we talking there?

Like 99, 2000, 98. Late 90s. I think it's bang on 2000 because it was like when Kappa was doing nice stuff because the Kappa stuff

recently is proper tight. I don't want to turn into a fucking classic football podcast, but like the recent Kappa stuff is proper tight and then the 90s stuff is proper baggy

I love it man because it's like Paolo Maldini had like a two man tent on didn't he yeah it's sick like his old Milan stuff it's is it Napoli Kappa stuff it's like dead tight skin tight stuff oh no I'm not about the new Kappa stuff is fine like I still

think they're better than a lot of the but the old like the old days where they had Juve, I think they had Roma when they won the league, I think, under Capello. Just looks fucking good. It's mad, isn't it? Because any Kappa footy stuff I'd wear, no problem. But imagine just wearing like a Kappa jacket.

Polo shirt. Like a Kappa polo shirt can't even wear that in the fucking widow no are you from the widow yeah i am from the world wallace yeah yeah yeah and an everton fan as well i'm a fan as well yes we haven't introduced him joe gilmore's here ladies and gentlemen press the applause button there you go he works for kappa product placement that's what we're starting to do and coca-cola too brand deal mate the anti cristiano ronaldo who is literally moving coca-cola off have a word of

like more coke have you seen all the players that like have started doing stuff like that like in all the press conferences they're all joking about it so like I think John McGinn for Scotland was like where's that fucking coke I want some coke didn't their stock drop loads what didn't coke stock drop it was like

I'm sure it was like three or four percent four billion pounds were wiped off Coca-Cola's share price because Cristiano Ronaldo said drink agua that's got to be

that the influence there is dangerous, isn't it? Well, he's the peak of fitness, isn't he, in football,

and if you're saying, don't do it, people are going to go, right, I won't do it then. Who? I know. No.

Who was waiting for Cristiano Ronaldo to be like, it should be water, by the way. Kids playing football going, oh, Ronaldo doesn't do it, I'm not doing it then.

We're not impressionable, but like 10, 15 year olds, are going to be like, oh, if Ronaldo doesn't do it, I'm not doing it then we're not impressionable but like 10 15 year olds yeah i'm gonna be like oh if an old doesn't do it i'm not doing it i know the fucking peak someone tweeted straight after though look at this kfc advert where he's there and he's like but he's super imposed he's been paid to do a kfc advert and kfc is fucking great but it's obviously terrible for you and then cristiano was like yeah obviously you know being the peak of football athleticism i always smash like a family bucket just before a champions league game but it's different when you're actually in the room and you sit down to a press conference and you're

like yeah i'm not in the mood for that fuck yeah well he can he can do whatever he fucking wants can't he ronaldo to be honest why do you not have that much power though yeah having that much power just go nah four bill four bill off just because you did that yeah and just all just get like a cabri's boost and be like four billion on cabri's boosts but i was thinking if i was like if i was like pepsi social media manager i'd be like must prefer pepsi quote tweets and then just eat pepsi stock yeah lean into it i think that says a lot about how your brain works as someone who works in social media, where you're like, how could I fucking tweet about that?

That's all I'm thinking about. So I'm like, yeah, fucking hell. My brain's just wired that way now. It's bad. To be honest. But yeah, but Messi does Pepsi though, doesn't he? Like, Messi's not a... He'll swig a Pepsi.

He's like, yeah, I swig a Pepsi. Go for a kick about afterwards. Lionel Messi gives the vibe that he doesn't really give a shit about anything that much, apart from just playing for Barcelona and Argentina. Not even that much anymore? go for a kick about afterwards. Lionel Messi gives the vibe that he doesn't really give a shit about anything that much apart from just playing for Barcelona and Argentina.

Not even that much anymore? Like, I've seen him do, he's like, I don't give a fuck. Yeah, he's Argentinian, he's leaving Barca. Oh, right. Yeah, he's retired

from Argentina before. Is he just quite, it's hard because he speaks a different language. Is he just a bit shy? I don't, I don't, I don't know, like, just get,

He's not going to watch it, boss. I just don't know but cristiano ronaldo is a big character isn't he and he seems to fill that space it's almost like leonel messi is just because of how amazing he is he's on everything but if you left him to be like i'm not arse mate it just doesn't seem like he gives a fuck you haven't met messi have you no i haven't met messi not yet who's the most because you've we should for those who are followers of our our podcast who might not be aware of it you you currently work at lad bible you do a lot of interview pieces when so like for example this week the lad who was in a video uh that went

viral of a load of people dancing at what i think is like a 12th birthday party some lad in glasgow yeah but you've you interviewed Klopp yeah at Anfield what were you playing with him Ludo you're playing Ludo with Klopp at Anfield yeah which is just an insane sentence I'll tell you why I did that as well by the way so like the reason why I did Ludo is I just watched um because we basically get sensitive through so it's through New Balance New Balance come to us and they were like right it's between news and sport bible

and they were like whoever comes up with the best idea gets 45 minutes per clock and I was like oh what can I do a clock and I thought first I'm an Everton fan

so it'd be funny to see and it was just before the derby as well so I was like Everton vs Liverpool that would be like a decent video concept I was like

oh what can we do though and then I just watched Stephen French Deadliest Man again for like the 18th time. And he goes, when you come for me Danny, do not come in with Ludo and Tiddlywinks. And I was just like,

it's gotta be done. And hardly anyone's clicked on to it. That was just like a little thing, like a little Easter egg I put in there just for Steven French, but no one's clocked on it. I didn't get onto it. And I get it now, Ludo and Tiddlywinks, oh yeah but no one's clocked on it I didn't get onto it I get it now Ludo and Ted Lee Winx

oh yeah so what's Ludo am I being stupid is it like snakes and ladders it's like a jar of Cluedo yeah yeah no it's frustration isn't it

you know where you'd like we could have got him there Joe oh no it's he's he misheard it's like yeah I know I'm thick

I'm not that thick Carl no no Dan go back to listen to Adam ignore Joe yeah I'm thick I'm not that thick Carl No no Dan Go back to Listen to Adam Ignore Joe Yeah I'm talking shit like this Is it from two points of lago

In a pocket of grist? Yeah So Hang on So you work for Lab Bible Yeah And New Balance

Who wanted a promotional piece Doing No this is when I was back at Joe This is when Oh you did that at Joe Yeah yeah So you worked for joe and they came to joe and to sport bible which is part of the lab bible group yeah and said one

of you is going to get to do this yeah and you need and you won yeah do you know what sport bible's idea was so you sat down at anfield with jürgen klopp yeah and played ludo yeah did he know anything about it before? Did you turn up like, guess what we're doing? No, I just rocked up with it. And he was like, oh yeah, we've got a similar version in Germany. I can't remember what it's called. I love it.

Some mad German. Die Kratten schmacken fickle Latz. I'm like, not to this in Shatten. Like fucking something like that. Ah, this is a great childhood game. You call it Ludo. We call it Kratten fucking fickle Latz. Yeah, something like that.

Imagine if they hadn't told like the security guard on anfield that day that you were coming and you turned up with an everton top on ludo under your arm me to play club fucking wall is he the most famous person you've interviewed uh yeah he's actually my first interview as well was he he was my first person I ever interviewed. Who else have you done that with now? You've done the Sea Shanty lads. Yeah, we've done four lads in jeans. Four lads in jeans. That's the name of their band.

Yeah, because we did them because they were getting like, the videos I'm doing at the minute, same with that kid this week, is like lads who are just like normal lads going viral for stupid shit and then they end up getting loads of stick and then so what happens is i'll do an interview with them to humanize them and then people find out oh they're actually decent lads yeah um and then you get a

load of love and then you get a fucking load of brand deals you've got to get them quickly haven't you you've got to get them at like their 10th minute of their 15 minutes of fame. Otherwise everyone's like, I don't give a fuck about that party where that kid was like. Yeah, you got to get them right at the point. So it's like, so it's weird. It's like, it's almost like on the life cycle, just about to hit the peak.

I do. And then everyone's going, I've been on a lot of Bible now, no one's asked. It's like, they do the interview and then like, because brands don't want to touch these like mean people until they find out what they're like just in case the dickheads yeah and

then yeah they find out oh fucking you end up milkshake ducking like oh he's a racist like 10 years ago he's got like a fucking nazi tattoo or something like that so the brands don't touch him but then they find out they're nice uh from the interview and then they jump in they get a load of deals like four lines and jeans got sony mcdonald's fucking sony yeah for headphones because it was like it was it was quite good just because they jumped on um like because they were getting so much hate they like sony jumped in and went here's some noise cancelling headphones and uh you can model them because someone at sony has your brain i know we could do it lads yeah yeah all right mcdonald's and mcdonald i think it was just so just for those

who don't know the four lads in jeans yeah they just did they just have a picture taken on a night out yeah and they were like the absolute epitome of 2020 lads going out to ski town. Skinny jeans, no socks. Fake tan, no socks. Glasses that they don't need. The same sailor tattoos. Yeah. Big arms. Yeah, no leg days. Sexy bum.

All upper body. Built like me if I went to the gym. Big dick. Little pin legs and then a V shape out from the waist. Dead funny, smart. Attractive. Yeah. Handsome. Big dicks smart, attractive. Yeah. Yeah. Handsome.

Big dicks. Carl really likes them. And then someone put the sea shanty. My mate. He was actually my fucking mentor when I started in social and stuff. Von Stringigno is a Christian. He's so good. I love him.

He's so good. Who's this? He's like me content. I'll just say Von Stringigno. Von Stringigno, yeah. He's the one who does all the mad videos like he made the sea shanty video of them lads he's from norway yeah so talented so switched on you must know him off twitter i don't think he used to do like head swaps and stuff so he like where it's basically

putting football managers heads on videos or like players and stuff like that so we start he's the one who started doing that and then that's how i got into like social media and stuff i copied them yeah like sent him it like my first video and went oh is this any good and then he like messaged me back and was like oh yeah it's class and then he taught me how to do it and then he got me a job at joe and then fucking one day ended up i was doing that for like years and then fucking one day someone came in and went do you want to eat this thing called the wig and kebab have you seen it before the wig and kebab so um ended up like a wig and kebab wig and kebab right so have a guess your voice made that sound sexy like it's the least sexy wig and kebab sounds dreadful you'll never try the wig and kebab talk talk to me right we can kebab have a to me. Right. Wig and kebab.

Have a guess what you think it is first when I say wig and kebab. Pies. There's one. Well, you've given Adam enough thinking time and I would love to know what you think a wig and kebab is. Good.

Kebab from wig and kebab. Oh, dear. I thought some girl called Julie was going to get fucking slammed from a height there. You thought I was going to go straight to Fanny. I really did. I feel let down that it's not happening. Now I have i have i'm gonna take my wig and kebab oh god fuck it does sound like something like something on the urban dexterity where it's like oh yeah

you just slash a pie right in there fucking funny and then that's a wig and kebab nah it's not and you've not watched the podcast before you said you tuned right in mate social comedian chameleon but it's like you just put a pie in a bomb and then that's a wing kebab that's it that's just a pie bomb yeah but like when you say wing kebab it's like wow sounds like very mysterious wing kebab anyway so like i was like i hadn't done presenting before anything like that and you're like oh do you want to eat a wing kebab first of all same reactions use what the fuck is a wing kebab so i was like yeah yeah whatever so we went in at this thing called a wing kebab um and then where was that the champion wigging

it wasn't it wasn't knightsbridge london was it no no no i'll have the lobster starter it's like a wine pair and it has and the wig and kebab for me main please stupid idiot you always have the wig and kebab to start what would be

the drink what would be the drink you'd pair with a wig and kebab Tizer Dr Pepper

oh Tizer Cherry Kofak Dandelion and Burdock I went for a Vimto oh yes classic

bit of sugar not in Duff anyway so I ate that and then there was this it was like a three-course wig and meal i had second one was called the smack barn pee wet a smack barn pee wet pee wet now have a guess what you think that is this is not bad this is like pee wet's the pea juice in it yeah so it's like so smack is a scallop and balm is obviously a balm so it's like it's a scallop

in a balm and then just the wet off the peas like no like if you want to say i'll get a picture of it like you need to believe it it's fucking like you just get the juice off the peas and put and put it on and like moist moisten it up and like wigging it's like gravy like do you love it as much as gravy have you ever had the pee wet no I've never had it have you seen the pee dog pee wet oh my gosh even the fact that it's got a name

I know exactly what it is I just never thought it was used that's one up from bin juice Jesus Christ I'm full of pee wet

it makes me think of piss pee wet pee I'm going for a pee. You know, sometimes when we talk about food on here and he describes what tea he's made that week, he spent 45 quid on a sandwich.

It sounds amazing. None of this has made me hungry. No, it really hasn't. It sounds horrible. What was the third course? They call it a babi's head, which is basically the Wigan way of saying baby's head. And it's just a steak put upside down because it looks like a baby's head. Looks like a baby's head. Looks like a baby's head which is basically the wig and way of saying baby's head and it's just a steak pudding upside down because it looks like a baby's head looks like a baby's head like a baby's head

why would you ever want to be thinking of baby's heads while you're eating with pee wet yeah a pee wet baby's head wigging ladies and gents wigging but yeah it ended up getting fucking million views in a day and then now it's on like 10 so like just like it's mainly because we've got such different accents like me and this uh fella behind the bar from wig and everyone's like i don't have a fucking clue what these fellas are saying at all yeah we we get that sometimes when we put like because we put like clips from the podcast out like tiktok and stuff yeah and it reaches like fucking bulgarian tiktok and they're like what are they saying? Oh, Bulgarian. Or American.

They're like, hey, what are they saying? I hope this gets on TikTok, this clip, where they're like, what the fuck is PeeWit? This shit nasty. Yevgeny,

we're never going to Wigan. Yevgeny is your go-to, isn't it? Yevgeny. I couldn't think of a fucking Bulgarian name Histo Histo Stoichkov fair play

is that when you're internet wise you must be because he he is like of all of us Adam's the one

that is across all the social media do you find it hard to put down if it's your whole gig yeah my screen time's like 12 hours hell yeah mine's like 9 mine's put down if it's your whole gig? Yeah, my screen time's like 12 hours. Hell yeah.

Mine's like nine. Mine's a joke. Yeah, it's insane. I am totally, utterly fucking addicted to it. Yeah, you've got to be on it 24-7. Yeah, especially if your whole gig is like to know what's going viral and to know when it's going to be boring. Like if you're trying to make content within that small window,

it's not like yeah i've had a week off i'll just probably pick something from last week that's fucking done have you got like have you got a partner a missus or have you got someone being like come on love what you're doing nah well to be fair my ex used to absolutely fucking hate it because like i was i was on it because i'm only 22 so I was like, where comes first at the minute? You're 22? Yeah. Wow.

What are you going to sound like at 42? I sound like I'm 60 a day. I'm going past. Like a fucking digital dude. How old are you? Same age as I am. You're the same age? Yeah.

You could be his dad. Finn, never eat in Wigan because that's, it will age you 10 years like that 22 years of it If you told me you were older than me I'd have absolutely believed you And I'm 29

Were you massive in like year 11 then Were you the big kid Yeah Did you have a beard in year 7 I was massive Defo Only in I didn't grow a beard

Because I was ill for like 3 weeks And I was like oh shit I can grow a beard So But that was when I was about 16 So I wasn't like that's fucking crazy how long have you worked in social media then since i was 16 so that's a long time yeah it's fucking tough paper i'm like and you work you now work for lab bible is that

who you did the the wig and stuff for or was that joe that was joe that was joe so lab bible were sort of a catalyst for my career early on. And as a result, sort of this podcast, because a big part of my profile growing was I had a couple of videos that were recorded at Hot Water that did a certain amount of views, and then Ladbible seeing them, I'm like, can we have them? And the first one was about me ex-girlfriend.

And at the time, she still lived with her ex-boyfriend and he knocked while i was shagging her one day and offered me a bacon sandwich and i said yes and i did a stand-up routine about it and did that and it got loads of love like every like millions of views i think it's like 12 million views a ton or something like that loads of comments oh this is great who's this lad never seen him before loads of followers and then the second one they took was my old nelson mandela routine and if you find that to this day you can pull it up on that screen now every single comment is what the fuck is this who the fuck is this this is fucking shit or like there's a couple of like nice ones and there's plenty of likes and

stuff but a lot of angry people because in the nelson mandela routine i i said i called nelson mandela innocent right and there was i managed to piss off both sides of the nelson mandela opinion spectrum because there's people going nelson mandela is a saint and to ever be brought into a stand-up comedy routine is blasphemy and disgusting and then there's people going he was a terrorist as well he killed people he blew up supermarkets you're a cunt and uh yes instead lab bible have never taken a video i did do a corporate gig for lab bible once that was booked via the comedy store in manchester we talked about that earlier i went in it was open with your mandela stuff

do you know uh blue monday so it's like the first Monday back at work at the start of the year. It's the pressing one, isn't it? Yeah. So to cope with that, Ladbible booked me to come into the office. Oh no. And they've got a bar, haven't they? Yeah.

In the office in Manchester. Yeah. So they went, right, yeah, you just go and stand over there. We're going to get everyone to come and stand around and watch you. And you're going to do 20 minutes and just entertain the Ladbible crew. And get everyone to come and stand around and watch you. And you're going to do 20 minutes and just entertain

the Lab Bible crew. And about 30 people come and sat around and watched. And other people were just like not interested and just stayed on the other side of the office just carrying on with their work.

Can you come into the office and do a gig that would be difficult at the end of term? Like if it was like the last day before everyone was going on a fucking summer holiday, it'd still be hard because it's in the office come to the office on the saddest day of the year where everyone's pissed off it's gloomy and you've got to do a fucking gig next to the

photocopier at 10 o'clock in the morning how is that not an end of day we've got a bar like everyone was having a beer everyone was having a beer 10 o'clock in the morning watching me yeah it went all right yeah yeah at least it went all right yeah a girl called bianca yeah she booked me for it yeah yeah because she'd i think she'd seen me at the comedy store and said so then can we have that adam lads come and do blue monday you've never felt blue monday though me neither use no because surely mate i felt blue like that on like august bank holiday weekend when i've got you've got to thursday night and gone oh my god i have got 11 gigs this weekend and everyone's like what are you doing for the august bank holiday weekend what are you doing we're going to a festival we've got this we've got that and i because comics are such wallies i don't have bank holidays blocked off in my diary i just accept work when it gets offered

i've literally got to the one of the most fun weekends of the year and realized that i'm driving to fucking hull and then to sheffield and then just like back to Wigan or somewhere. Awful. So that actually, the comics life is so reversed. I felt glum going, oh God, I'm missing out on loads of fun. We're going to block them off now though. Now that we've got this,

you're not going to be gigging on bank holiday weekend. Yeah, mate. This year. No. No. No, I'm doing the occasional, I'm just cherry picking here and there.

I'm going to be in Corfu. Going in your holly bobs. Yeah. Oh, Ibiza's being added to the green list this week, isn't it? Apparently.

Oh, right. So we're going to be sound for Horsham and Stag do. Lovely. Yeah. You've got, I just have no inclination to go away yet.

Like, I just do not feel in it. I would have gone an Aldi six months ago if it was allowed. I'm missing it so much. Fuck that. Just getting like, I don it was allowed I'm missing it so much fuck that just getting like

I don't know I just want it to get easier before I can be arsed maybe it's because I've got kids I was 22 when I was 7 foot 3 I just walked to France

two steps fancy going to France yes have you had to you know before you were saying you've interviewed these people

who've gone viral and then they get brand deals off the back of it have you interviewed anyone who's been quite you don't have to name them yeah quite clearly a gobshite for lads and jeans um he's a gobshite fucking recently right um it's a great pause that as everyone's like I'm just trying to think how do I describe him nah fuck it I'll just say

Marshmallow right Marshmallow beat DJ in yeah yeah he's the biggest DJ in the world right

so we had this thing where it was like roasting it's never a surprise when a DJ's a cunt though is it so the day before his management

comes to us and we're like oh can you come up with something to interview him tomorrow at like fucking nine o'clock in the morning oh no it was nine o'clock for him but it's five o'clock for us i was like yeah okay and like when you've only got a day you gotta come up with something good so we just thought ah roast a marshmallow um and just take

the piss it's just like mean tweets basically and then um so we put a tweet out and said oh roast him and then we got a load of stuff from the audience. And then like all the roasts and stuff like that. And then we sent him to his PR team and then the PR team just goes, no, no, no, not letting him see that, not letting him see that, not letting him see that. And then we ended up with a couple of things.

So like, and he was like, proper shit jokes, like proper shit jokes. They sanitize the roast just in case it hurts feelings. And like, they were already shite as they were. So it was just like, so it was me jumping on with him saying like oh you're right and the thing was he'd never spoken before this was the first press thing he'd ever done in his life um so like this

was like almost like exclusive he was he was speaking for the first time who's this marshmallow he wears like a big white hat with a funny face on it i feel 128 years old so and i honestly didn't think i was this out of the loop but you're all like yeah lads marshmallow i haven't got a fucking clue oh you definitely you'll know his face i won't will i yeah you've described it as a man who wears a marshmallow i would be able to pitch that if i knew him wouldn't i but you're like you don't know that no i don't so i've dreamt about it before it was chasing me down the hallway looks like something out of a horror film anyway so i thought and i hate his music as well

so it was even worse so like i was like sanitized everything i don't really like the kid himself and then i speak to him and he's like this um fellow he's like from la um so like to just speak like yeah man yeah totally dude like yeah just like dry as he got the head on he's got the head on yeah he didn't want to be roasted and he has a big plastic fucking head so so my my if you're wearing a big plastic head who cares if you've been roasted in fact we're doing a roast battle i'm wearing a big fucking plastic you look a dick in your head all right yeah it's big plastic thing fuck off what are we revealing that to the audience now we're going to tell them that plan yeah they'll get very excited about it and i'm getting marshmallows pr team to sanitize everything

like adam can't say that or that we're not showing in that so but the one thing which i like got away with because he sanitized the whole thing my intro form was um how are we i'm here with edm's biggest helmet and like they did that did not translate at all for them so like if you watch the video now that's my intro going i'm here with and he goes what's up guys it's marshmallow like fucking it's but like i just sent it to all the boys like yeah i've done this for you because we all don't like it so just daydreaming about playing ludo with clop that was so good and what was funny was like they didn't click on at all obviously because he's american all the comments like can't believe he called him a helmet can't believe he called him a helmet but he's wearing a helmet i know i know but i couldn't imagine the conversation that you made him have with his pr team like

guys i don't get it we're getting a lot of like backlash. I wear a helmet. Why is it a bad thing? Fucking brilliant. Can I just say, right, the reason I asked that question is, right, isn't the best thing in the world finding out that someone famous is a knobhead? Do you not enjoy that?

Like, do you know when like you hang out with someone who meets famous people and they get to be like, guess who's a gobshite who's a cunt don't you love knowing that's look at finn nodding away yeah especially because i know we've ruined at least one comedian for finn finn has followed this comedian since he was like 10 and then we were like bit of a tit him no i love finding out we get a lot of emails going who's a twat I think it's a real British thing as well

to be fair I know there's 240 managers who I know are absolute dickheads but I haven't interviewed them yet

so I'm not telling I can't tell you who it is I can't tell you who it is but you can probably apparently he's quite sweet actually he probably is

he's a normal fella isn't he he's sweet but it's, he probably is. He's a normal fella, isn't he? Yeah, he's sweet. But it's like, the top tier, it's basically, imagine who you think is, can I say the C word?

Yeah. Can you say the C word? I don't know. Cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt. Imagine who you think is a cunt. And it's, it's not Roy Hodgson, is it? No, no.

It's just, whoever you think is a cunt. Top level. Top level, top tier. You physically can't get any top like if I speak I'm in big trouble

but if like and and whoever someone just said there maybe it's him who did you say

top of the league top of the league so yeah anyway oh that's a shame I don't want him to be I thought Mourinho looked sweet in the no so like

Poor Joe's like Fucking this is my job Fucking yeah So yeah Mourinho is a dick though Isn't he That's not a If it's

If Joe And that's not definitely What you're saying No But if He's definitely a dick Oh yeah I thought he seemed sweet

On the all or nothing thing You interviewing Sean Dyche Would be difficult to listen to. God, you'd have to put like a fucking filter on it just to be able to understand. Was that him or Sean Dyche? Have you heard Sean Dyche speak?

He sounds like he's been on the piss. Like he's been on a five-year stag do. All right, Sean, what are your tactics? Ah, fucking make it safe in the back. He sounds like he's suffering from a terrible throat disease. You saw Eat Worms as a kid, though, didn't you? What disease you see eat worms as a kid though didn't he what eat worms as a kid sean dyche what tell the story genuinely he used to be like i remember seeing something that like he used to eat worms or something like that like they were so poor he was just going out and eating dead no no you

like just do it for a laugh i think so people say i do want to eat that's a different story for there i thought it was so impoverished i was like no there's no potatoes get in the garden just two pound a month you can you can send sean dyche a whole pack of worms if you give sean dyche five pounds what you just said there though about oh marino come across quite well on that all or not and documentary this is why any documentary where someone's you're trying to get someone to come across as whatever it's always bollocks because the the camera's on so i can't watch goggle box because they know the camera's on that's not them is it they don't talk like that when they're watching the telly do you know what i mean yeah i mean it's where camera's on I'd love to do Gogglebox where they don't know

they're being recorded and then we get to see what people actually say we couldn't do that oh my no we couldn't do that you mean CCTV

like in the TV facing the couch yeah oh how bad an episode would that be when I cracked one out

it's just the awful Gogglebox late night one can swim with that the crown more holly oaks than ever daily if you've had a wank to the crown you've got some shit going on in your head i am isn't it isn't she no too soon definitely have a little game of thrones one now No, too soon. It was fucking ages ago. Definitely have a little Game of Thrones one now. What? Have a little Game of Thrones one.

See a few tits there, don't you? Yeah. Game of Thrones wank. I thought you said friends wank. Friends wank. We've all been there as well. Yeah, Rachel. You have not had a wank to friends.

Come on. What I was about to say was, and this is true, i reckon i have but not on purpose do you know what i mean no right do you ever just are you trying to say you've been like raped by the telly no not on purpose not on purpose rachel just came out of the screen and started wanking me off but do you ever just start having a wank and then you realise what's on? Because, like, it's just all in the background. Do you know what I mean?

Like, you just start, you're like, I think I'll just, I'll sort myself out. And then you're like, hang on, the Antiques Road show's on here. Wow. Who's having a Sunday tea time wank in the living room? Your life's gone weird. You'll be like, oh, no, I'm not,

I'm going to come on songs of praise again and in those do you know what I mean have you ever done that surely I pause to tell you me yeah where do you start

getting horny on a Sunday night last of the summer wine is that when you start getting frisky that takes road shows like a Monday morning thing innit

nope Sunday evening are you just wanking like is it pure memory and like you just it's just is it pure memory And like you just It's just that background noise Until I notice what it is again

So you're not getting your phone out Because I can't wank So like Yeah you can't have an imagination Do you have an imagination wank? Yeah You have an imagination That's a proper like

12 year old wank that There's nothing wrong with an imagination wank Oh I throw one in occasionally No a 12 year old wanks a little Or I'll have a memory wank sometimes Where I remember a time That I've been doing something real with a real person, and I'm like, that was good. A memory wank.

Yeah. Good shout. I haven't even thought of a memory wank. Plus, you could take a memory wank. Yeah, where you remember. Yeah. A former. A former conquest.

But what you can do with a memory wank is add it into an imagination wank, so you can take the girl who bumped you in heebie-jeebies and add Helen Mirren. Woof. Joey wasn't here for the first bit. We did a bit of Helen Mirren stuff. I wasn't just pulling Helen Mirren from...

Helen Mirren in the heebie-jeebies toilet. I'll tell you what, I'll let you know how I get on with that one. Do you want me to let you know? No. Just keep the camera on me. An imagination wanker. Who doesn't?

Once in a while, on an away fixture, when you're somewhere where you haven't got, like, Wi-Fi or 3G or 5G or... Your phone's running out of battery. How do you think people used to wank back in the days? They used to draw tits on the walls. Yeah, they love that Who's that?

Sean Dyche Beautiful done Using worms as loo Phenomenal Adam Rowe That was brilliantly done Touche My new centre back Why is he beatboxing?

This is our job. Sean Dyche having a wank. Brilliant. It's never been said on the internet. Sean Dyche having a wank with a worm up his ass. That's what he wants. And I tell you what, I want to challenge everyone who's watching this.

Next time you crack one out, go imagination and try not to wank to Sean Dyche. Next time you're going, oh, I won't use porn. All of a sudden like, oh, I'm Sean Dice Ray Winston where do you think

Sean Dice is from from down south isn't he Sean Dice yeah he is he's not northern he's from like Mordor

I'm trying to think of what Sean Dice says he's from Mordor what would Sean Dice say he's got it wrong today the ref he got it wrong two big decisions went against us next week What would Sean Dyche say? He's got it wrong today, the ref. He got it wrong.

Two big decisions went against us. Next week, fuck him. You've just reminded me, because I'm thinking of grabbly voices. One fellow I've interviewed is Wayne Lineker. And he is actually quite sad. Yeah, but he's also a pair of ass, isn't he? No, but like, so. Joe, is that it?

Is that it? He's quite sound. He's quite sound. And I do want to have a nice time in Ibiza this summer. Come on! No, no, no. He's a lovely lad. I just think sometimes that like, E-Deafo gets taken advantage of though

by like celebrities who want to just fucking have a go on ib for i reckon he gets taken advantage of quite a bit of course he does so like like think of think of wayne lineker like think of him like obviously he's like defo is that what you want to use our platform for joe someone think of the wayne lineker think of him like so so i asked one of the questions I asked him was, I'm not going to make a comment on it. If you could invite five people dead or alive to a dinner party, who would it be?

And his first answer was, oh, well, I don't care what people think about him. It's got to be Michael Jackson for the first guest. He'll bring a bit of entertainment. And I was like, okay, mate. And then, so he invited Mike, I think it be Michael Jackson for the first guest. He'll bring a bit of entertainment. And I was like, okay, mate. And then, so he invited Mike. I think it was Michael Jackson. Elvis.

Oh, who's that? I think it was like Dean Gaffney or something. Dean Gaffney. No, no, it wasn't. It was, it was. Not Dean Gaffney. Who am I thinking of now? Please say Dean Windus. No, no, no no no no it was um michael jackson awful it was the it was a really good calum best that was who he's invited because he

spurs he makes a calum best and then he was like and then a couple of birds so four men two women yeah and all of the four men elvis wayne lineker michael jackson and callum best that's that's the party i want to go best once gave me a hundred pound tip he came in when i worked in the beer killer on the downstairs bar he came in with two lads and about eight women and just was he kept like giving me his bank card and just telling me

the pin number so I'd go what the bill's like for that round was like 80 quid or whatever he'd spend like for a bottle of champagne and he was just like

chucking me his bank card going 9731 whoa disclaimer he'd just come up and he went what

on his real pin disclaimer it was 9731 I remember it 9731 9731 Oh, disclaimer. He just come up and he went to... What? On his real pin disclaimer. It was. 9-7-3-1. I remember it. 9-7-3-1. 9-7-3-1. And he still got the same card.

Yeah. Punches head in. And you've got unlimited money. And then at the end of it, he just went to, can I give you 100 quid? And I went, yeah. Let me stop you there, Callum. I'm in the bartending service for the love of the game.

£8.10 an hour's enough. Yesterday he gave me £100 on card. I just put the receipt in the till and took £100 out. And my manager didn't believe me. My manager come down and was like, why have you got £100? Because it was like a Sunday afternoon. There was fucking no one in the place.

And she was like, you've got £100 in tips. Are you robbing the till? I was like, no. Callum Best, just give me it. She was like, Callum Best, give you £100. I was like, yeah got 100 quid in tips are you robbing the till I was like no Callum Best just give me she was like Callum Best give you 100 quid I was like yeah and they'd gone

I mean manager hadn't seen Callum Best come in he'd just come in and I was the only one on there's no one else on the bar because it's dead it might have even been like a Tuesday morning

or something it'd be ballsy to rob the till what that'd be a ballsy time to rob the till wouldn't it Tuesday morning 100 quid

Callum Best gave me 60 grand in tip yeah Antiques Roadshow's on to rob the till wouldn't I the till's empty Calum Best gave me a £6 tip yeah Antiques Roadshow's on gotta rob the till where's Calum Best getting £100 tip money what's he

I know he's the son of a footballer he's also like on telly isn't he doing shit things constantly maybe maybe he invested

in some stocks and shares and they they paid off and his dad was George Best who had loads of money why are you laughing at whenever whenever Andrew gives a serious answer

it freaks me out like oh yeah he's being serious maybe he invested in stocks and shares maybe he's got some kind of savers key it's my favourite thing to do amongst all the bullshit

to just give you a really candid thing and watch you be like God! Break time? Definitely. See you in a bit. What's happening guys? Ooh! Look at your outfit. Shocking!

You look horrible in that. That's a shitty shirt jumper dress thing, whatever that is you've got on. What you need lad is a fucking t-shirt or a hoodie from haveawaypod.com. You want some official Haveaway a hoodie from have a weird pod.com you want some official have a weird merch go to have a weird pod.com and get something instead of wearing that fucking shite you've got on it's horrible you look a joke don't believe in the house like that you want a hoodie that says rat that's what you need lad go and get it have a weird pod.com

last section we've got one from Harry Robinson because I love him quote sapping in lids quick one most social media platforms and dating apps over the past decade or so successful

and unsuccessful have had quirks or unique selling points to set them apart a little bit of OCD there I'm so happy you did that you know

was that a little bit of OCD because it was slightly on a tilt it was still in my head in all section oh that's weird. Most social media platforms and dating apps over the past decade or so have had quirks or unique selling points

to set them apart. Instagram is all photo-based. Bumble encourages the girls to make the first move. LinkedIn, Facebook for office cunts. If you had to make a social media platform or dating app, what would its unique selling point be and what would it be called?

In a bit, lads. Harry, I didn't know that about Bumble. I just thought it was another... No, Bumble the girl has to send the first message. So you can't just blanket bomb. Yeah. Ah, yeah, ah, yeah, ah, yeah.

Or a dick pic. Yeah. Which is what I was doing for years. Can't you send photos on, like, on any date? Just crack that nearer to the mic, Joe. There you go. Can't send photos, no money.

Game's gone, lads. Can't even send a picture to a dick. I don't have your dick to a bird anymore. Game's gone. Like the good old days. So, what a weird bit of nostalgia. I remember when you got an erection, you got your camera out and you sent it to a woman

who didn't know you like a gentleman there was a girl that i on the subject of dip pics i don't think i've ever told you this there was a girl that i so i was single and i uh was i had like two weeks of gigs that were all over the place i was going like edinburgh then north wales then london then south wales and i i bought tinder plus it was like nine quid for the month where you could set your location even when you weren't there so i was like i'll set it at so for example this girl was in abarisworth right and i was doing a gig there i was like i'll set it because i'm going to be in abarisworth for the night and i'll talk to a few people for like a week before and set something up genius brilliant that's the most organized i've ever heard you a little bit of admin because adam

wants to get his dick wet that's cool and there was a girl who uh was in abedis with and we not an happen on the night but we were talking and then she started like sending me pictures and videos of herself and she asked me for them back and we were talking and then she started like sending me pictures and videos of herself and she'd ask me for them back and we were just exchanging like naughty pictures and that and then one day

she just sent me a snapchat saying will you send me another picture of your massive throbbing cock or something along those lines

and she it was a keeper this one got away and she screenshotted it and I just blocked her on everything immediately and i've never made contact with her oh was your face in it no that's a room lad it was his big throbbing cock where's he putting his face but you know what this is awful here we go so it was

when i lived in chester and i had your old like for those who don't know I lived in a house you lived in in Chester after you lived in it so do you remember that room there's like your bed was here and then there's like a shelf

that you'd put your telly on at the end of the bed do you know what I mean it's like we've served time in the same fucking prison yeah I did a I did a two stretch with Danny McLaughlin

that's where I took the picture right so I'm laid down and I took a picture like that and on the shelf took a picture like that And on the shelf Was a picture of me mum So someone's got a picture

Of my dick With a picture of my dead mum in the background Oh mate Of your hard throbbing cock. Two things important to me. Big dick and family. And she didn't get back in touch. No, I didn't.

I blocked her. I tell you what, this lad loves his mum. Arguably a little too much. Oh, that's horrible oh man so that exists still a picture of you and your mum hey

wanking to Antiques Roadshow doesn't seem so bad now does it if we're on about I I would honestly let's

I love it how you're romanticising the old dick pic why don't you just like start a website that is just all dick pics like let's bring it back let's the old dick pic. Why don't you just start a website that is just all dick pics? Let's bring it back.

Dickpic.org. Charity. Dickpic.org. Dot E-D-U. Rate my dick. So you work in social media. Have you got ambitions to start your own platform? No.

Would you never do that? It's too hard. There's so many that go out and just fail straight away like when Vine tried to come back

but they tried to come back when TikTok was already back and TikTok had just gone into fame and then like obviously TikTok's so big now you can't like

knock them off that is the new thing but was it Vine was it six seconds Vine was six seconds right and why did they

close it down they were like i don't know it was very weird when it was making no doubt basically do you make a note though because like um you had all the top creators on the platform and it was it was dying i was people forget it's like proper you know it's like oh the good old days when like actually it wasn't good good old days at the end of vine before they shut it off it was shite because i that's how i start i started on vine like making little videos and shit um but like it was just dying like because because the reason why people use vine on twitter was because twitter didn't allow this is gonna be fucking technical now but twitter didn't allow videos um to straight upload so people just upload vines and then post

it and then twitter brought in videos so it's like oh what's the point of uploading to vine anymore you just let it straight on Twitter. Yeah. So, six seconds is also too short, isn't it? Yeah. It's just too short.

So they tried to come, I can imagine they were coming back but we're going to do longer. No shit dickheads. No. But the ship has sailed. No. They just came back with six seconds.

They were like, oh, you can do six seconds again and everyone's like, well, I can't fit a routine into six seconds. So TikTok, I think TikTok was 15 15 bang on for a

while and then they've extended it now it's like we we struggle to get clips down under certain thresholds and it's always different on different platforms but then you actually look at the watch times and you're like well no worry no wonder people want to quicken it up because people are like nah nah like it's 10 second watch times sometimes we get told by tiktok what to like what videos to put out like algorithm wise so it's like so really what you need to do is if it's 10 second watch time sometimes. We get told by TikTok what videos to put out, like algorithm wise. So it's like, so really what you need to do is if it's, you need eight to 15 seconds

and like max, max 30. And then anything over that, they just won't put it in your feed because they want it to be quick. You need to get the quick hits. As a comedian, pretty tricky, isn't it? It's hard, it's gotta be like boom, boom, boom. So TikTok want you to,

even though you can upload to a minute, they don't really want you to do that. They'll let you do it, but they don't want it's hard it's gotta be like boom boom boom so TikTok want you to even though you can upload to a minute they don't really want you to do that they'll let you do it but they don't want you to do it interesting we can't do that though

TikTok are like listen be dead funny but don't take more than 15 seconds for Christ's sake because but kids these days like

I reckon this has got like a bit deep but I reckon this in the long run because kids are getting so used to like getting a hit of dopamine

or getting a hit of something like that dead quick they're going to grow up and not be able to get that same hit all the time and then it's almost it's bliss is it going to speed up

so where does that end does it keep speeding up like the new version of TikTok in 10 years is going to be like Dick I don't upload something more than 5 seconds Christ almighty

we want people to watch it it's just going to like fine we'll make a comeback yeah yeah or is it just gonna break down and everyone goes long form because if it does joe we're gonna do really well after after vine it did it went from six seconds to 10 minutes when everyone started watching 10 minute youtube videos because youtube pushed the thing where it was like well if you upload a video over 10 minutes we'll splash a mid-roll in your video. Everyone started doing 10 minutes. And then Facebook said, if you do it over three minutes,

we'll give you a few quid. Then all the videos went to four minutes. And now TikTok are starting paying people. So now everyone's making fucking TikToks. It's mad. But that's just how it works. It's all follow the money. I made a social media platform.

I think Instagram's the best one i think pictures pictures nice happy editing nice yeah yeah and i am getting a bit addicted to tiktok so it'd have to be sort of a market i seen do you know gary v is gary vaynerchuk yeah i see so i i watch his videos sometimes because I enjoy thinking he's insane. Do you know what I mean? And I know he's writing about a lot of stuff and he's very wealthy

and he's very successful and all that. But he talks with such passion about stuff. Like the other day I seen a video where he's like, I want to make a social media platform

where you're only allowed to post once a day. That's the USP. You get one post a day, and your posts will be more valuable. Because if I went on my thing to post saying, happy birthday to Dan Nightingale, how grateful would he be that I've wasted my one post that day

on his birthday? So what do you think of that? I can see the point, because sometimes you follow people on say twitter and all of a sudden your news feed just like clouds up because they it's like they're just on it going retweet retweet retweet and it it's just constant isn't it their feed is constant so what he's saying is just one you just get to land one that day one video one whatever in in theory increases the value of that bit of social media well people do that people do that anyway like that that's how usually

big people on social media get big you don't you don't post all the time because if you post shits all the time people like i don't want to see all this shit you just go every now and again like i only i only tweet like three times a week because i'm like i only tweet like things that i think are good because it's like a bit of quality control exactly quality control and that's why like most of the big twitter accounts have second accounts that they can chat shit on because they know if you chat shit all the time people just not follow you i hope that there are some comedians on the uk comedy circuit that watch this video it's not just us chatting shit this is a guy who works in social media and when you think of a joke instantly stop typing it out just like let it ruminate just have a little think and then go oh

no that is absolute dog shit and everyone thinks i'm a moron and then don't post it because some of the comic i was talking to my wife laura about this yesterday there are some comics that genuinely in the uk before social media were like i think people thought yeah decent comic and after 10 15 years of being absolutely twatted over the head with their nonsense jokes just like like the first thing that comes in the head and they're already blurting it out i think people like i think he's borderline fucking stupid just a bit of quality control don't do what i do i just don't tweet that's not that's not the ideal don't be the curmudgeon who's like once in a while you tweet when i ask you to get something out there dan could you share that video that we've spent time and effort getting out okay do i have to

quote tweet this one or can i just didn't read but covid was a motherfucker for that just every bell and you know what i think about covid you're like don't tweet it you bellend oh god um so yeah text your mates before you put a sweet else because really 90 percent of them no one's fucking asked yeah yeah and also if joe's got an idea for a social media platform not probably going to come and waste it with us i'd be a bit of a waste wouldn't it you actually might be if it was i can't think of one for social media but if it was dating it would be one where you don't have to pretend on tinder to girls that you want a relationship if you just want to shag do you know what i mean like just straight to it yeah straight there you go straight to it.co.uk straight to it you don't need a website it's an app.co.uk hate being old it's so difficult and this goes on the internet

yeah so people can see in the cloud people can see on the computers interesting they can interact without being on the telephone joe is it a tinder desktop version desktop tinder it is and it's a bell set because when you go on it they've got this little button i should not know this i'm such a game but i've got this but they've got this button which says work mode and then if you press it it turns your screen to a spreadsheet so like if you want to go on tinder and work and swipe right on a few what's on the spreadsheet but it's like mad stuff like that but it looks like work oh god so like we'd get onto it So like, love that. We'd get onto it if you started doing that in here though,

because we don't have any spreadsheets. Is there anything that turns it into video editing software? Because then Finn could get away with it. We're dying for Finn to get on Tinder more. It's fucking great fun. We keep trying to get Finn hooked up. Me and Carl started sending messages

on his Tinder forum. Finder. Finder. And he's so laid back, he let it happen. Hi, Finn. Back to work. My mic's all wonky. It's all low.

Oh, that's the end of Carl today. I need a new arm. Let's do some other... This is the point of the podcast. We'll do some other words. Got some good ones today. Hi, Liz. Can you please have a word with my

ex-girlfriend? I know she's been snooping around my house after I've kicked her out. She's a mental biatch. So to get my own back and freak her out, I bought Anne Summer's heels in my size, female clothes that would fit me, chastity belt, a blonde wig and two massive, and I mean massive dildos to put doubt in her mind that for three years we were together I enjoyed dressing up as a woman and filling my arse with plastic. Surely she's in the wrong for snooping. Any ideas what I could do next as she will probably go snooping again. P.S. She defo found them as the bag had been moved.

Please keep me anonymous so I can keep playing with her emotions. Love the pod. I think this lunatic needs to get back with his lunatic ex because they're fucking made for each other. Yeah. They're absolutely made for each other. If you suspect that your ex is snooping around your house and your first thought is,

I was a cross-dresser all along. You're a fucking helmet. Maybe it's a DJ. Yeah. I love it how he's like, she's been in the flat. She's been going through my things and I am going to go to Ann Summers

and buy some shit. So do they live together? I think they did. And now she's... Now she's still got the key. She's still got the key. That doesn't seem to be bothering him that much. I'd be like, why the fuck are you in me gaff?

Yeah. Should I change the locks? No! No. I'm going to lovehoney.co.uk. Gonna spend two ton, get a few dildos sorted. I think that's it. They need to be back together.

I'm telling you right now, whoever wrote in, I'm telling you you you need to get back with this girl she's a psycho she's a fucking psychopath and so are you and you either need to get together you just need to get together you're both gonna murder someone separately so you might as well become a couple that kills you know if you've got an ex-girlfriend who is so brazen that she will enter your flat when she doesn't live there anymore, I just don't think she's going to be like, getting there like,

I'm going to go for a snoop. Oh, the key. Doesn't work anymore. Off I go to work then. Back to the primary school to teach. I don't think that's going to stop her. I think she's cray cray. I bet she's great

in bed smoke a pole smoke a pole eyelids i've got another one smoke a pole eyelids i've come across an evil side of myself recently i need you guys to have a word with me to go ahead um with this evil plan or not. In the past lockdown, I was chatting to a lad who was a mate of a mate. We chatted for a couple of weeks, then decided to meet each other. Went around his for drinks and food, just chilled and got a little drunk. And yeah, we fucked on the first date. After the first date, he was hard to get, sorry, it was hard work getting a reply from him. We finally got a date, um, a second date booked in then same again was hard work to get a reply. Date three happened.

And after he messaged me asking me out, I said to him, as soon as I didn't know him, I said to him, it is too soon as I didn't know him fully. After this, he hasn't messaged me back or taken any of my calls. he is currently living in a council flat which is under his girl mate's names who moved to a foreign country he isn't on the registered address as living there is against the council rules my evil plan is to report him to the council to get him kicked out have a word with me do i or don't i love Love the pod. Keeps me going whilst I'm working from home. Thanks, Tony. Tony, I apologise. It was a difficult email to read and I did a poor job of it.

But essentially, Tony's been out with this guy three times and each time he's been an absolute fucker to get in contact with afterwards. Then he's asked her to be a fish and she's said no. asked her to be a fish and she said no you what no i think it was did he try and chug her on the first date and then she's like i thought it was two men no it's two it's two guys yeah yeah and i thought it was tony's and like tony with an eye

yeah i assumed so too oh progressive yeah so you know what we were saying in that first section yeah about when will it just be normalized that we're not there yet guys i couldn't start the email uh this is from a gay guy so uh so basically three dates he's been fucked around by this guy But the guy's living In a council flat And he's like do you know what you've hurt me here So now I'm going to dob you into the council

And he's saying do you need to have a word with me Do I or don't I You can't be a grass can you Just because he fucking bummed you a few times And then you didn't want to fucking do it again The fella asked you out Do you know what I mean You've swathed him times and then you didn't want to fucking do it again. The fella asked you out. Do you know what I mean?

You've swaved him off and then you're like, why aren't you replying? You swaved him off. Yeah. And I'm not being funny. If someone's being a bit distant, not replying to you straight away, do you just want to fuck you? Do you just want to fuck you?

Do you don't want anything else? Yeah, just a bum. Just wants to get bummed. Or do the bumming or whatever I don't know what goes on who's the postman who's the letterbox but like realistically if someone's being distanced giving you shit replies they're not asked about you

it's in that paragraph but then the one who was being shit asked him out so do you reckon he asked him out to put him off do you reckon he went too soon so that this person would go oh no fuck that so he didn't have to be the one who fucked him off yeah i just don't think the guy was sure i think they've slept together a couple of times he's been a bit sketchy with his

phone and in the end he's gone oh no i do want to do something but he's like no no you get two chances with me and third one i'm getting the fucking council round you're getting evicted like this guy does not fuck about tony does not fuck about once you've been what why has he got that voice because he works in the theater i've got someone called him on it yeah um tony it i know you feel like you've been dicked around a little bit, but... He will have been. But you can't be dobbing people into the fucking council, can you? That's a super glass there. Christ almighty.

Never do that. Don't enter your ex's flat ever. But also, don't be ringing the council like, ha, ha, ha, ha, this will show him. That's a really shitty move yeah i think what you should just do is go round right and just say look soz that i couldn't be official yeah you just have a conversation with him i bet he's reasonable if you just chat to him go look you ain't texting me back quick enough it was doing me i didn't so we can go out again if you

want we can have another bum we can have a little we can do whatever you want he really knows the culture doesn't he you can tell we just need to slow down a bit you know what i mean i i i i wanna i wanna date you i wanna bum you i wanna suck your dick i want you to suck mine don't have to go into the details we got it i just i don't want to just suck your dick at the minute i want to be able to suck other dicks if i want to suck other dicks and then after a while if we suck each other's dick for a bit and do a bit of bumming for a bit and i get really into it then maybe we can just make it exclusive yeah maybe you can move into my flat and then i'll tell the council that you're on the council tax or threaten him you know don't phone the council but tell him you're gonna if he doesn't you know bum you yeah text you back quicker so like what does this person

actually want though like yeah i think he wants to be like i can't believe tony you've been hurt like he's like this is a mainly scouse podcast as if everyone's gonna be like yeah grass him up i admitted to i admitted to grassing on a guy who was stealing from Tesco about four or five years ago this cunt in a Mitsubishi SUV wearing a gilet Joe a gilet was stealing

and his kid was wearing a fucking gilet was stealing 40 quid in plain sight like I'm so middle class how could I possibly be stealing and I watched him

and I was like fuck you you don't even need it if you were a smack rat like let's get some states Jeff I wouldn't have grassed but for some reason that mitsubishi why was it annoying that it was a mitsubishi it was more annoying that it was a mitsubishi and i fucking grass i got absolutely hounded by him by listeners i got tweets like you fucking grass as if you can be like you you didn't bum me i'm really annoyed i'm bringing a council don't do it

don't do it come on tony be a bigger man you know i saw i saw a tiktok the other day and it was like if you just want to fuck a girl and she saw you so go so let's get the feeling that she wants a relationship all you have to do is shag her first and then straight away go i love you so much yeah it's called the ted moseby in it from how i met your mother the ted moseby method tell a girl you love her too soon she swaves you off yeah i just say that when you get to 30 and over that doesn't work as well when you're under 30 girls be like whoa that's a bit much when When you're over 30, 35, that will get you engaged within a fortnight. People are like,

mum, I found it. Then it's going to be on right move really quick. I seen a TikTok today. This fella does something called toxic tips, right? He's this really big, like chunky, like black fella. He's got loads of fucking muscle, loads of tattoos, long dreadlocks, a little nose piercing. And he's teaching people how to be awful in relationships and it's then funny and one of them was if you're

seeing a girl and she's got a lad best mate uh or a lad mate it was clearly into her but she pretends she doesn't notice it and she's like we're just friends do this get mates with him become mates with him then when you're hanging out with just him like quite soon go i'm not really into it anymore i think that a big block for us has been that she's actually really into you he'll make us move then she'll say i can't be made to you anymore i thought we were just friends or she'll be like yeah i've always wanted this in which case you knew she was a lion bitch all along and you've got rid of her before you like long before you should have and otherwise she'll go no i've got me fella and you'll get rid of the best you, like long before you should have. And otherwise she'll go,

no, I've got me fella and you'll get rid of the best mate and you get it all to yourself. And I was like, you are an evil, horrible genius of a man. That sounds like too much effort for nearly every lad I've ever known. Yeah, be arsed. Do you know,

there's one for birds for that as well. And it's, if you got a lad coming around, every time he stays at yours when when when he's asleep put a nicotine patch on him if he doesn't smoke this only works if you don't smoke put a nicotine patch on while he's asleep and take it off before he wakes up and then every time he goes home he'll get withdrawal symptoms and he'll and his brain will tie it to being with the girl so like he'll just want to keep going back to it because he just wants to hit a nicotine every time.

Joe, that is so fucking brilliant. Amazing. If you ever have a one night stand and there's like Nicorette packets on the sideboard, be like, oh, you're quitting smoking? She's like, no, never smoked. That's for a girl. Like when she's like,

if you're getting a sock or you get an anal, you just slap it on her and she associates like a bit of fucking a bit of bumming with like oh that was great that because because she's bent over anyway

you might you just put it right on her back she wouldn't even know and if you like if she likes a bit of fucking slap and tickle you could slap it onto her ass could you imagine could you imagine

if she caught you mid anal she's like be dead careful be gentle yeah and then she caught you mid anal? She's like, be dead careful, be gentle. Yeah, yeah. And then she hears you open a packet of like, just a ripping sound. A ripping sound is not what any girl wants to hear

in that situation, is it? And then all of a sudden just a, keep going girl. How are you doing that with a blow job? What? How are you doing that with a blow job? Where are you putting it? Right in the forehead. Back of the head.

Right. On her neck, on the back of her neck. What you'd say is, yeah, come on, love. My knob's a bit stinky tonight. Here's a bit of gum. Just give it a fucking nick of that gum. Oh, yeah. Your knob might go a bit stinky,

but fucking stick that in your gob, love. Do you know, Joe described the girl version of it, which was really sneaky and clever, and the lad version would be like, right, get a blowjob and give her heroin. No, it's genius. Never mind that about it. I don't trust that one that you said, Joe. blowjob and give her heroin. No, it's genius.

Never mind that about her. I don't trust that one that you said, Joe. You just inject her with heroin. And she's like, what? And you're like, no, it's your vaccination for me dick. And then she gets withdrawals from heroin. But she thinks, fuck, I need to give him a blowjob. Works every time.

Yeah. I love that we've just legitimately spent five minutes talking about how we can get a girl addicted to something that is genius did you come where did you hear that Joe

that's the most amazing sordid Pavlovian shit I've ever heard on Twitter something like that it's because you spend 12 hours a day 12 hours a day

on Twitter you know how to get yourself a boyfriend yeah and if you can't if you haven't got any access to nicotine patches or the sold out,

just get some ciggies and get them to smoke while they're doing it. Bend over, lube up your arsehole, fluff on this, put a ciggie up the arse. Put some googly eyes on it. A wig.

Or just go full Wolf of Wall Street. Do you know my favourite moments on this podcast are genuinely when I look across at him and he looks like he's my dad and I've brought him home in F. He just looks really disappointed. It's my favourite bit. When the guest's laughing, I'm laughing, you're laughing, and he's like, we're doing this? i'm laughing you're laughing and he's like i just

this is what we're laughing at it's adam how far he will take something he's like he cannot you know like people who have the last word adam's like adam's like the comedian who has to take it further like i know it's bad when i try and take it further and he goes nope you're all you're on your own path like adam would be like, no, a little further down. Let's keep going. Put a cigar up her ass. White straight bell ends. Give it six months.

The whole listenership. Right. One last one. Eyelids. Anonymous, please, Dan. Can you have a word with my mate from work? She's a listener of the pod and basically she's the cleaner at where I work. Really sound girl, and we have a laugh and all,

but she's known for chatting to all of the lads around the gaff. Not even flirting with most of them, but just chatting, however she chats about herself, as though she's a huge cock lover and top shagger. Perfectly fair, nothing wrong with it, but it just doesn't suit her. She's very clearly not like that, and it just makes it up for clout. Also, just want to make out, I'm gay as fuck, so I'm not jealous, and I'm not trying to shag her or anything, but it just makes her look like a...

Why does today feel like a pride month? Two gay listeners. We've got more than two gay listeners. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Hello. Hello!

Hello! Hello! Who wants to do this? Hello! Hello! Hello! yeah well yeah hello oh it's gone in the podcast now oh god it is pride month one email from a woman and this is a different podcast oh is it a lady gay um no oh uh so maybe he's jealous of like if she's saying she gets all the cock and he wants a bit of cock yeah well it just makes her look like a twat and like a lot of the lads take the piss behind her back. Feel free to instead have a word with me if you think I just need to wind my neck in and let her crack on.

So basically, she's doing all the like, you know. She's doing the chat. Historically, it's been a lot more difficult for women in the workplace to progress to higher positions. So maybe she's using her own sexuality and reclaiming it to progress further by impressing men by pretending she's a more sexually adventurous person than she is.

Thanks for listening this week. It's been a great episode. Adam's had an aneurysm. Sucking dick to the top. What? Sucking dick to the top. No, she's not. Oh, she's pretending. Pretending to suck dick to the top. After doing this podcast, I proper feel like sucking a dick now.

I genuinely have heard so much about sucking a dick progressive yeah there we go we've turned one into one yeah get some Nicorette patches yeah I'm really gonna try

the Nicorette thing you know no you're not I am are you gonna try the cigarette thing she lives in yours so what's she gonna miss

no I'm gonna get her addicted to fucking Nicotemibamol or something you know what I mean I'll have a go I think you might need more than Nicorette for that bad boy thanks Harold No, I'm going to get her addicted to fucking jammie Bermuda or something, you know what I mean? One half a go. I think you might need more than Nicorette for that, bad boy. Thanks, head on.

Literally, about an hour and a half ago, he was like, mate, if I had colon cancer, you wouldn't even know. Sam! Come here! Literally blowing smoke up your ass. Every time you're in me, you can have a fucking jelly tot. I don't man i think you've just gotta let it be haven't you i know you're just like the if she's gonna do this kind of chat she's gonna do this kind of chat i i'm a big fan of it i think it's loads of fun remember i i don't want to name anyone but

you introduced me to someone that was a mate of someone you knew at one of the live shows we did last year and she went oh yeah straight into dirty from absolute i think it's because she watched our live show and was like these guys are filth and i've got that gear and we were out on hardman street outside hot water and i met and i was on can i say who can i say who she knew you can say your name right so serica's got a mate yeah and i met and i was on can i say who can i say who she knew you can say your name right so serica's got a mate yeah and i was like right this is carl's mrs serica's natalie right so i was you know when you it's a different gear like we met finn's sister and him uh and his mom a couple weeks ago and as soon as you're in that situation you go oh, oh, I'll be, I'll just be a slightly better version of myself

for the next five minutes. And it's the same, like, if I met Sam or if I see Serica, I'm like, oh, I don't want to be a dick. It's my mate's missus. And Natalie was with her. So I was about to go, oh, nice to meet you. And she went in hard with the filth straight away.

And I can't remember any other girl from that meeting or conversation. Because in my head, I was like, Natalie's fucking quality so i don't know i can't if this is a chat then i'm all for it i like it i don't i think we would it would be wrong for us to sit in judgment here going i think it's disgusting and she needs to stop yeah i just i we end up having a way with a lot of the rises in lately because i just think just let people do whatever the fuck they want to do. Do you know what I mean? If you want to...

Like, why are you arsed? Why are you bothered? Just let her be whatever she needs to be to feel comfortable at work. Shut up. Yeah. What would have to happen in our workplace for that to be an issue? What? Like a sexual issue in our workplace.

What with the four men? The four straight men yeah what would have to happen I'm trying to implement more touching of Finn yeah he gave Finn

an unsolicited shoulder massage earlier didn't he right Finn several several he's a good lad isn't he did you like it

yes no see you in court dickhead is that a pod that's a pod Joe thanks very much

for coming in mate do you want to tell people where to find you at ladbype at gillology on twitter yeah just gillology really or just type in my name

Joe Gilmore Joe Gilmore thanks very much for coming in we have got a lot on our patreon at the minute. Obviously, you get the extra episode every single week.

You get early access to these public ones. There is the ghost hunt that we did a couple of weeks ago. That's on there, been very popular. There's a few lockdown lock-ins. In July, we're doing a lockdown lock-in with Stephen Tries and Max. That's going to be exclusively on patreon.com slash have a weird pod.

Make sure you sign up well in advance of that. It's going to be great. We flirted with it, didn't we, before we didn't quite announce it? In the planning, in the offing. We're trying to do a Patreon, as well as the extra episodes you get every week, we're going to try and do a little bonus thing every month when we can, as often as we can, basically. And we're thinking in August, after we've done the Stephen Tries lock-in in July,

we're thinking we might put on either a roast battle or rap battle event with former guests. I will battle Dan. I want it to be rap battle. Rap battle? Yeah, I really do. I think it's... No, I do.

I've watched the roast battle stuff, and the slamming's fine. Like, it's good. But the rap battle, when it's within a rhyme, I think it gives it another layer. We've approached, you know what, we'll tell our listeners who we've approached so far. We've approached Eshan to maybe battle Vittorio Angeloni.

We've approached Brennan Rees to battle Lonan Patterson. We've approached Daniel Schloss to battle Kai Humphries. We've approached Dane Baptiste to battle Alfie Brown. Wayne Lineker and Dean Windass. That's going to be, that's a bit, that's the headline. That's pretty good.

Rob Mulholland and Freddie Quinn. We're working on it all and it's going to be a big event. And that again, we'll exclusively go on patreon.com slash have a word pod. It's the best value patron in the world as far as we're concerned. And you need to sign up. There's over 4,000 people now and well on its way to 5,000. Sign up.

Go ahead.