Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #13 of Have A Word (in Dan's Home Studio) w/Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale

Episode Date: March 23, 2020

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What's happening guys, it's Adam here. Just before we start this week's episode, we're so excited to tell you we've got our first few sponsors for the podcast. Now the first one of them comes from Beer52.com. Beer52 is the UK's most popular craft beer discovery club and they're sponsoring our podcast. We'd really love it if you went and signed up. They'll send you some amazing beers every month and you can rate and review those beers via their website to earn points and rewards. Every month's beers that you get sent will have a brand new theme. Like past themes have been things like the beers of Germany, beers of California, Belgium, Korea, New Zealand, South Africa, and many, many more. And they've kindly given our listeners an exclusive offer. You'll get a free case of eight beers, an award-winning beer magazine, and a tasty snack when you sign up to beer52.com. All you have to do is pay a few quid for the delivery, and then you can cancel or pause your membership at any time. Sign up now at BF52.com slash word. That's B-E-E-R-5-2.com slash W-O-R-D. You'll claim your free case of beer, and for every person that signs up,

they slide us a little bit of cash, which helps support the podcast. It's win-win. So do us a favor, pause the pod here, go and do that now, and then come back and enjoy the episode. It's time for Have a Word. Okie dokie, pickin' a pookie! Good morning, job seekers! Oh my god! Okay, it's happening! Is that Dave? No, there's no Uncle Dave here. Okay.

Who the fuck is that guy? Have you never seen me before? Upset me, nasty bitch! Disgusting! It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel like podcasting. Two mics, two lids and a lot of time on their hands. This is Have A Word, Shut Down

Dailies. Let's get through this mess together. It's the end of the world as we know it. It's the end of the world as we know it. And do you know what? I'm fucking made up about that Because it means we get to do this every day As long as I ignore Other major factors in my life Like

Long term finance from comedy Short term finance from comedy Mortgages Health of relatives As long as I ignore that I feel fucking great Yeah that's amazing isn't it i feel fine do you know what's really funny though like to me is that we said this as a stupid joke

on like episode seven or eight or something like oh the country gets shut down we'll do it every day thinking all our listeners i'm not putting up with that fucking shit every single day. I listen once a week. And now we're here. People demanding it. You know, like the 40-odd people that have said we demand it. It might just be that this podcast might be like the shutdown day. Everyone else might be like,

loving it. We'll just do once a week. Thanks, knobheads. And it's just me and us and 40 weirdos like, yeah, right. Every day. And every day. Getting shit.

Just getting shit on Twitter. Like, someone's just done a fucking samuel l jackson tiktok motherfucker well because it wasn't i was at like 7 a.m oh yeah we're recording at four o'clock in the morning yeah because it's not fucking the breakfast show is it well it's sort of it's sort of our breakfast well no hang on your breakfast it's my lunchtime show and you've just got to meet etta was that a little dig at my sleeping pattern daniel that wasn't was that did you take there's a dig yeah you said well it's your breakfast my lunch that was jealousy jesus christ i must have

got the tone wrong on that that was jealousy for a life i once had and will not have for a while i've just had a steak bake for my breakfast and an orange liqueur living la vida loca okay I've got a couple of sponsors on board and he's all

you're the Greg's can I just say what was the Greg's interaction like because I mean I walked in you know

just virus wise it's card only and I was like okay cool they're not taking cash you have to like do contactless it's like wave and I was like okay cool they're not taking cash you have to like do contactless it's like

wave your phone at a fucking little box a card machine oh yeah not have a vagina do you know do you think prostitutes are going

to have to go contactless well how do they do that blow on it I mean payment oh right they'll take your dick but they won't take your fucking note just trying to waft air in the direction of your penis that's for a blowy love oh yeah i just thought i

just think greg's i don't know i don't know is it i just think oh greg's isn't necessarily dirty but i just it's just like can you not touch anything and well they've got the hygiene rating in the window and it's a five so yeah i feel comfortable just don't lick that window that's a good rating there's people like do you know like the parks and beaches haven't been this busy in like five years or something people are stupid the pubs and bars on friday like it was last orders that was the government's fault though you can't go right we're shutting the pubs are you doing it now boris no in four hours you can't lead the country and go there's now a four hour last door that was

fucking insanity and that's not you know the 24 hour like it literally a clock a, a countdown clock started, and everyone's head like, fucking the race is on. You can't do that in Britain. Amazing. You can only go to the pub for the next four hours, but please, in those four hours,

don't go to the pub. What? Also, also, I know, you know, because obviously everyone loves slagging off the government, but they've quickly put a lot of things in place for, you know, they've alleviated some of the stress that was there not for if you're self-employed that's still pretty stressful most people getting paid pay you're like oh so you're looking ahead how much do you spend when i used to go out i used to go out once a week when i lived in manchester

maybe sometimes two or three times a week if i'm honest i never itemized what i spent on booze but if i did it would have been epic so if you know you can't do that for the next, what, month? Maybe six weeks? Maybe two months? Mate, you've got four hours till it shuts down. You're going to go big or go home, aren't you? Yeah, yeah. Like, if you're, like, ignorant to what's going on,

and a lot of people are ignorant at the minute, and people are going to, I think people are going to take this a lot more seriously when Nana dies, which is going to, I think people are going to take this a lot more seriously when Nana dies, which is going to be right now. It's going to be very, very soon. And it's our job to laugh about this shit and make light of as much of the

situation as we possibly can. But at the minute people are like, well, I'm 22. I'm not going to die. It's like, you're going to carry it to someone else. But that attitude has been,

I'm going to the pub today and that'll be short. And then tomorrow I'm going to Tesco. I'm going to get as many beers as possible. I'm going to the beach. It's raining. I'm going to the beach. Tonight, big night. And then they're stopping me doing that.

So we're going to go, well, I've got 800 quid for the next month. So I'm going to go 800 quid night out. Fuck, we might be locked down for two. Let's have a 1600 quid night. Let's spend all of the... Let's go to strippers. No touching the strippers no touching the strippers don't want to don't want to anyway just want to see the tits making it fucking rain with

contactless just tapping your contactless on everyone's nipple bang bang and then next day at the beach yeah i suppose so it's about to close down isn't it i think in a few weeks people will look back and go oh right oh yeah that wasn't a good idea that was it but didn't know i spoke to a paul smith the other day a comedian and friend of ours paul smith and i think me and him are gonna have a night out in so we're just gonna skype each other put it on the internet and just get fucking hammered in our houses we should make it like that's a fucking brilliant idea we should do it as well get you involved get as many of us as we possibly can on a big skyping we all just get battered in our houses and have a nice outing and just do drinking games and talk shit yeah

oh my god fucking i've just got really excited we'll call it have a pint. The Have a Pint Podcast. That would be so good. Just four screens, four Skypes. Just get your little supply. Oh, my Lord. You'd shake that, wouldn't you? That's good. We should not have had that on the podcast.

You should have had that idea not on the podcast. Before some fucker. Who the fuck is that guy goes I've got an idea for a power or a skirt oh he fucking will as well he really will I hope he's not listening

but he doesn't listen you know why because we rinse Freddie Quinn who the fuck is that guy so much in the last episode it was brutal I got two text messages

from comedian mates of ours going, fucking Freddie got it, didn't he? The thing is, we plugged Slag and Freddie off more than we plugged Patreon. Big priorities, right? And I tell you what... We really appreciate the money that you're sending in, but if you could just hold off on that for a minute and make sure you

tweet Freddie Quinn saying, who the fuck is that? Obviously, we've lost a lot of our income going forward and times and people are helping out. But let's get to the important things. Still give that dickhead abuse. But I'm almost sure he doesn't listen to it because he messaged me the other day and I was like, oh, he rang. This is yesterday. I was like,

oh, fuck. He's going to be like, oh, guys, why are you doing it? I'm having a difficult time. And then he WhatsApp me and went, oh, don't worry about it, mate. I'm just bored. Just wanted to chat. I was like, oh, thank fuck he's not listening yet.

He will. We love you, Freddie. We love you. We do. We wouldn't do this if we didn't like him. But have a pint is Adam and Paul's idea. All right.

Oh, God. Oh, it's good. We're here. We're all right. Just going to get through it, aren't we, we're gonna be fine how are you doing without gigs do you know what

I'm doing okay a lot better a lot have you ever noticed Jay like Adam you're in the shower love stop gigging in the shower just with the shower head

fat people can't be victoria's secret models stop shouting into the mirror what do you do if you've come up with a new bit i haven't had any ideas it's gonna be so boring stand up when we get back there's gonna be every bella and go uh shower coronavirus it's gonna be a really exaggerated version of jimmy when the chilian miners got trapped and then two weeks after that every fucking comic had a chilian miner joke it's gonna be that aids oh no what was fritzl's bunker aids oh yeah you know that guy that raped some of his kids and kept them in a fucking basement but for some reason

it's hilarious because it's just part of the fucking zeitgeist yeah Fritzl's bunker oh my god we're in a dark basement at this comedy club I feel like Fritzl

genius listen I don't know why I never get nominated for a award in Edinburgh because you're a fuckwit it's going to be a really weird mix of

every Berlin having loads of coronavirus stuff there'll be some great there'll be some great lockdown material and people will want to hear it for a while

but it's also going to be tragic watching people just come out and go so I was thinking about Amsterdam the other day and how we should legalize

coffee shops like oh my god you're gonna do 2007 material not only is that old and boring already you're fucking still doing it after you've been shut in your house for two and a half months yeah i think yeah it's the the good thing for the comedy sake and i hope this isn't too sort of in chat for for our listeners, is there's going to be a lot of bad comedians who don't come back. What are you talking about financially or like? Back to the circuit. Oh, okay, good.

It really affects nunners, the infirm and hacks. Have you heard about COVID-19? It really, honestly, they're going to need a hack ventilator. Who's drinking? People who are high risk or diabetics, asthmatics and people who still reference the 2012 Olympics. Oh, mate. Oh, there's ventilators.

Oh, it's quite, this ventilates us. Oh, it's quite claustrophobic. It's like Fritzl's bunker. It's really funny that we're just slagging off our colleagues now because we've probably never seen them again. Brexit jokes. Madeleine McCann Oh I meant Madeleine McCann jokes Fucking hell Oh

We're already going off the rails We're 11 minutes in to shut down one And we're already We're on out Madeleine McCann references I didn't I just meant the jokes I didn't know

I thought initially You were going to start Naming comedians And I didn't I just meant the jokes I didn't know I thought initially you were going to start naming comedians and to be honest with you I was here for that the only concern we've had from our listeners

is that people are a bit worried we're going to run out of shit to talk about because they're like I've spent three days with me missus and I've got nothing

left to say to her how are you going to find something to talk to Dan about every day and the answer to that is twofold first of all we're getting a lot of submissions from you guys which just opens and keep sending them in but we're going to watch some of the same shit aren't we we're going to watch like the odd program separately in our own houses the odd documentary

things that people are talking about i think tonight i'm going to watch episode one of that tiger king documentary all right i don't know anything about it yet but if you're listening to this, before you listen to the next episode, try and watch episode one of Tiger King and we'll have a little chat about it because it's meant to be fucking sick. Is it Siani on Twitter who literally,

she's amazing. I saw her tweet about it. She's one of the people that have been following us and tweeting about our stuff right from the off. Day. And she's, is it, am I saying it right, Siani? Sharni. Sharni. Her name's but she'd like her nickname will be shawnee right all right right yeah siani yeah i sounded so old then didn't i siani is it on twitter

is it chinese it's called the baby what too soon that's not's not her name. Siani. Siani. Her name's Sian. She's been following me for a few years. I saw her tweet about it. Sian's followed me for a few years. She's seen me at the Edinburgh Festival in 2017 and she's... The Edinburgh Festival. The Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Glastonbury.

The careers of Bella. Tiger King. I'll tell you what i i don't need to know anything about it i saw her tweet about it yeah i know it's like crime documentary yeah i'm gonna leave it at that yeah because i'm not a big fan of someone going oh my god have you seen and then then you're like, they, whatever they say. Yeah. And then they build it up way too much. Like, oh, it is amazing. Blah,

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it also sort of turns me against it. I'm like, well,

it fucking better be good now. Yeah. I've been told this is amazing. And then like on minute eight, I'm like, it's not that amazing. So I'm, I'm,

I'm try episode one tonight. We'll have a little chat about this tomorrow. Okay. It's like a book club, but Jarmaine, without reading, because it's tiring, Jarmaine. The readings. I once told my sister to watch the film Amelie,

which is an amazing French film. If you've never seen it, it's phenomenal. But it's in French with subtitles. It's so... I can't believe you got Amelie right, but not Shani. Shani. And I recommended it to my sister. sister i was like you'll love it and she was like oh no i don't like reading films i don't like reading films because it's got subtitles do you know what that was 10 years ago and i've never let it go no don't like reading

film i'm a hundred percent on board with your sister though yeah guess which guess which social media she prefers the fucking gram lad instagram of course she doesn't like reading social media yeah well twitter's the biggest book i've ever read yeah that's my that's like that and jamie carragher's autobiography that's sort of why is why is cara's autobiography so is it long i mean it it's just the only book i've read since i've left school do you have to read out loud do you know how mental you would look if you read an autobiography that was written in the first person out loud in a scouse accent i was in the pub with my dad. Adam's neighbours are like, I think we had to live next to Jamie Carragher or someone who's mentally ill.

And that's when we played Everton in the Derby. Do you read? I can. To a competent level. Do you read books? I do, yeah. I can. To a competent level. Do you read books? I do, yeah. I do. When was the last time you finished a book?

About three months ago. I started another, and weirdly, I have not. So this is what happens with me. I go in fits and starts. I'll go six months a year of reading really well, and then something will take my attention. And in the last six months, year of reading really well and then some something will take my attention and in the last six months it's been podcasting so I've gone from being a comedian to being doing all the same stuff as I've always done before to I was doing pilots for a first podcast then

binned it because I didn't want to work with the person I was piloting with then I tried the other podcast that didn't work who the fuck was that guying with. Then I tried the other podcast that didn't work. Who the fuck was that guy? Who the fuck is that guy? Not Freddie. Wasn't Freddie. And then this. So this has been going. We've been doing it since December.

I've just put the pilot on the Patreon page. So we've been doing this pretty intensely since December. I haven't got time to be like, ah, now we're going to have a nice read. And it's the same with Edinburgh. I don't know what you're like with reading. Edinburgh, as soon as Edinburgh comes and I've got a show to develop i can't i almost feel guilty reading as soon as that shit's done like an edinburgh's done or we go on holiday i fucking love smashing a book a couple of books on holiday so i am a reader but

by no means like a committed reader but yeah i do do enjoy, and I never read biographies. Favourite book? Favourite book? Can't be The Cat in the Hat, because that's mine. Do you know what? I don't know if I've... Captain Corelli's Mandolin, when I read it when I was about 21,

was a bit of a game changer. Is it a film version? The film version is a great example of one or the other don't do both because captain captain corelli's mandolin the book was way better in my head than nicholas cage murdering an italian fucking hell the fuck are you doing he was dying watch and read that he was so dire he It was borderline. Find a YouTube clip of Captain Corelli,

and he's an Italian sergeant in the army in the Second World War, and Nicolas Cage is literally like, Oh, mamma mia! I am an Italian! And you're like, dude, that's racist. And he's white, and the character's white. Are you, are you, saying that someone doing an accent is racist? Hang on, hang on, hang on. Daniel Nightingale, podcaster and comedian, Are you saying that someone doing an accent is racist? You.

Hang on, hang on, hang on. Daniel Nightingale, podcaster and comedian. Are you saying someone doing an accent? What's Colin Kettle? Italian. Italian. I'll just say this. We do this.

This is a safe space. Have a word, isn't it? It's a safe space. For some people. I think on episode 14, what are we on? 13, 14? 13, I think.

By now, I honestly think if you are not into that stuff, then you're not here. But a film that people are getting paid millions of pounds for, I think I should be doing a better job than Andy's.

I'm a captain of a mandolin. No. It was shit. So yeah, that's my favorite book what's your favorite book uh well of mice and men probably because that's probably the last thing i remember reading from start to finish which was gcse yeah 12 years ago you never do the harry potters i've watched films this is a this is a long this is a long-standing argument between me and jade so jade is the biggest harry potter fan in the world like every christmas and birthday and stuff she gets several harry potter themed gifts from me every mug in our house is a harry potter official branded

mug is there anything sexier than a harry potter fan no as sexy as it gets um but jade hates the films purist she yeah she because jade's a proper book worm she she she reads a lot of stuff and she's obsessed with the uh the books and she said she enjoyed films one and two she can watch them okay but then from movie three all the way up to eight they leave out so much of the book version of the story that she can't handle it well the books get bigger the books get longer yeah and the films have to stay at two hours two hours 20 don't they yeah so she hates it and also i went our relationship nearly never happened at all because i said oh big fat how'm a big fan of Harry Potter myself because I do love the films.

And I was like, it was so much better though, wasn't it? When, like, I know he died and that, but when the original Dumbledore was not in it anymore and Michael Gambon took over and it was like I'd said to her, hey, do you know that time when I murdered your mum and your dad in front of you?

I made you watch me piss in their mouths. Wasn't that fun? Was it just like that? I was just trying to think of the most odd one. I can't say. Keep it going. That is brutal. She's that hard line. Oh, she hates Michael Gambael gambon like she hates

on top gear when they talk about gambon corner on the on the stick track oh my god she's got like a visceral hatred of him because it's like he's not dumbledore is she he ruined dumbledore what's his name richard something the original fella yeah she's like he was dumbledore he embodied him was exactly what it was like I think they also got now I might be talking out of school here but I think the third film

from then on it was directed by Chris Columbus the first two were a bit more I've watched them I re-watched them at Christmas weirdly

because it was just there was not on and then not loads on and Sky put all the films on I was like do you know what this will make me feel Christmasy

and I actually got really usually this kind of thing that I don't follow up on but I got to about January the 10th I'm like I've smashed all seven or eight films or whatever and yeah

in the third film it does go a little bit darker the like cinematography changes a little bit but the Dumbledore change is a big one isn't it you're like

because it goes from like all known and calm and I'm dumbledore and i tell you exactly what yeah yeah excuse this confidence to younger and fucking which is you should listen to me i'm wise and knowing and sound a bit like david attenborough for some good that's a good dumbledore and then and like is the goblet of fire and no prisoner of azkaban yeah but in the goblet of fire there's a scene which is quite famous for being so drastically different from the book all right

so it's when so harry potter's being sort of nominated because but he's too young he shouldn't have been allowed in this big competition that they're doing yeah and it says in the book dumbledore calmly walks over to harry puts his hand on his chest to say harry did you put your name in the goblet of Fire? Whereas in the film, Michael Gambon sprints into a room and goes, Harry,

did you put your name in the Goblet of Fire? And he goes, weirdly Bristol and West Country. Oh, I'm Dumbledore. Fuck off,

what are you doing? Did you put your name in the Goblet of Fire? I'd love to be the director. Okay, cool. Michael, Michael, Michael, what, so just going to give be the director. Okay, cool. Michael.

Michael. So just going to give you the direction. We loved your energy. Thanks, Paul Radcliffe. What is he called? Daniel Radcliffe. Paul Radcliffe. Paul Radcliffe.

They're different people. Could you imagine? You should never be getting the mix from Sene McCain or not. That'd be a very different first film of harry potter and paula radcliffe's there in a fucking running thing going i'm i'm a wizard i'm a long distance runner harry potter and the peer at the side of the london marathon and the emergency shit okay great great energy michael great energy great can we just just in the script it does say

just take it down a little bit so we're gonna go from the top okay action okay michael michael love it again loving the energy think you missed the direction there a little bit just try and take it down a notch okay action did you put your name in a goblet of fire? Okay, we got it, we got it. This cunt's not going to fuck... Okay, Paula Radcliffe, off you go. You're not meant to be here.

Someone clean up this shit! Me and... I thought this was worth mentioning. Me and Jade had fucking murder last night. We had our first lockdown beef. Lockdown beef? Yeah yeah you've been in the freezer go on sorry our domestic disputes because i lost me shit with her because she keeps calling me crazy for not letting her eat the fucking dry pack noodles right i'm like order a takeaway or go to the shop and buy some fresh stuff don't be eating stuff that's gonna last for 12 months i didn't tell you last week because we

ended up i wanted to tell you last week because we ended up, I wanted to tell you, but you said this about the pasta and I, I clapped. And if you've not watched the videos are up on social, but I actually clapped because I agree with you so much. Laura drank a UHT milk cause she couldn't be bothered going outside to the fridge to get a fresh milk.

So she went in the cupboard to get UHT milk. And I nearly lost my mind. I was like, that is Armageddon fucking, that's apocalypse milk. Jade was like, I don't know why you're so crazy about it, because there's still food in the shops. I was like, exactly, so go and buy it. We've bought stuff.

Why do you think we bought 100 hundred packs of fucking noodles do you think that's what i want to eat for the next two weeks that's for when there's no food available to buy in the shop she's like well what if i want noodles i was like okay have a pack of noodles but replace them tomorrow i'm not fucking replacing i'm gonna take one from the front buy a new one and put it at the back yes and you've got that if you really but we had a proper proper proper fight she was like you're crazy. You're fucking crazy. You're just... You're a conspiracy...

You need this fucking tinfoil hat. You're a joke. There's not going to be a food shortage. I was like, last week, you told me there was not going to be a fucking virus this week, and now we're locked down. You're that fucking cunt. She was like, you're calling me a cunt.

I was like, that's not as bad as you calling me crazy. Yeah. I think there's two C words been used. Two C words been used there. Traditionally, one does get you more of a reaction than the crazy? Yeah. I think there's two C words been used. Two skills of thought. Two C words been used there. Traditionally, one does get you more of a reaction than the other. Yeah. And she went out in the car. She was like, I'm going.

And I was like, where are you going? She was like, I might go home. I was like, you can't go to your mum and dad's, because what if you've got it? And you give it to your mum and they die. So go on, go and give them a piece. Selfish, go on. She's like, I'm fucking off, bye.

And then about 20 minutes later, she was like, the charger in the car is not working. Can I come home? That's all it took. i'm fucking off bye and then about 20 minutes later she was like the charger in the car is not working can i come home that's all it's all i'm sorry i'm self-isolating since you've fine now i've got symptoms i want to come home it's just come out of nowhere i've locked the door we're fine now though she said sorry this morning which is the first time in three and a half years that she's apologized for fucking anything i mean there's people listening to this going i think there are relationships at risk and whatever but we are gonna have to find a way of just getting just having a bit of because once if we're locked down and it's coming within the next five days a

week yeah we are all gonna have to and that's why i recommend have a word for you and your partner put your headphones in listen to it separately you go to one corner of the flat they go to the other just that you're not going to be at each other all the time people are going to have to find a way of getting through this without absolutely and we like although we admired that and it was a proper fight when we both woke up this morning we were both like let's have a let's have a cuddle and say sorry. And it's fine. We just knew it was,

it's a build up, innit? And I think that's important. There's going to be a lot of couples who have absolute murder with each other this week because living in the same quarters and so close for so long is not ideal. And if you do have a fight,

just try and be nice to your partner afterwards and sort it out. Yeah, and if there's something comical about it, let it go. Let's do a domestic dispute. If you could both email in haveawordpod at gmail.com.

And I think that's a really good time for us to do our first domestic dispute that I've got. Nice one. Yes. I don't know about you,

but I'm feeling triggered. It must be Have A Word with Adam and Dave. It's time for domestic dispute. Fuck me, that was too much, huh? Char!

Upset me, nasty bitch! I think that's a really good jingle. Someone got in touch, by the way, and said if we want them to, they'll record some jingles like that for each feature. But I think it's better if I sing them. I think I'd like to hear theirs. I'm just gonna be i'm just gonna be really honest about it great idea okay so this is actually in two parts this

and you'll see why in a minute but from either side of the argument yeah yeah yeah so we got two messages and thank you so much uh to what are your names i don't even think they've put it on no they haven't put their names on but anyway so um this was sent to us our first domestic dispute there's going to be fucking loads of these send them in these actually want us to decide for them who's right and they're going to take our final judgment oh my god which is pressure and also pressure power yeah absolute power and it'll be about something like fucking noodles so let's keep it in context and this is not legally binding whoever goes and signs up to the most amount on the patreon will give the victory to you oh he's a dirty little patreon whore now i would absolutely be taking

bribes if i was in any position of power you know like sam allardyce got like binned off from the england job because he was taking a look but i'd definitely be doing that mate a week ago we didn't have sponsors and we didn't have a patreon and within a week i've realized that i'm for sale i'm absolutely for sale hello it's the gestapo we want to do an advert really on the podcast how much would someone have to um donate or sponsor the podcast for for you to do it completely naked mate wuhan holidays could offer me a grand and i'd be like yeah I'm into it for 100 quid would you do an episode

completely topless and including the video for 100 100 quid no I've not had a it's not been a very generous winter

you know I think test is resolved with that tweets us make an offer Wuhan holiday everything alright come back now

mamma mia What's your accent doing I'm doing Wuhan You do Wuhan Yeah yeah yeah Yeah yeah Yeah yeah yeah I honestly didn't think

We'd both go mental On episode one But I was wrong Wuhan Wuhan I don't think I was sorry I was trying to do

Wu Wu-Tang Clan And I think I did Someone I think I did Different hip hop I had a chippy again Last night From Wu-Tang Scram I think I did someone, I think I did different hip hop. I had a chippy again last night from Wu-Tang Scram on Mark Lane in Liverpool.

So shouts out to them. The best vegan stuff in the world. And I'm not vegan, but she is. Domestic dispute number one. Okay. Hiya lads, I've got a domestic dispute for you. It's not even quarantine or shutdown related, but it's an argument me and my fella have had,

and we've said that we'll let you two decide it for us. We both love the podcast and can't wait for the daily releases. Right. He still follows his ex-girlfriend on all social media. Oh, jeez. And she follows him. Oh, jeez. They'll even like each other's posts at night all the time,

which I find dead annoying, and it makes me paranoid. Fair enough. He knows that, but he says that he was mates with the girl before, and he stayed mates with her thereafter, even before we started going out about two years ago. I want him to delete that and just explain that he's in a commissive relationship now, so he can't talk to her anymore. I think that's dead reasonable.

He doesn't have to be nasty, but he doesn't want to do that because apparently it's no different to asking him to delete a lad mate of his but that's just bullshit in my opinion who's right now before i even seen this a fella contacted me to add a bit of info that she'd clearly left out on purpose lad my birds just messaged you about this argument we're having and we've said yous What you say is fuck. Lad, my birds just messaged you about this argument we're having and we've said yous can decide for us, but she's conveniently failed to mention that she still follows her ex on social media as well. She's refusing to unfollow or delete him

as she says it's different because they've got a kid together. I get on with her ex as much as possible and I'm not even saying she has to delete him, but there can't be one real for one and one for another either we both delete or neither of us do nice one help us out over to you mr daniel i feel like the man from del monte because i got some juice uh heaviness in it that's so juicy so to wake up the the girl emma and steve emma and steve emma why emma and steve i just picked two names around let's call her paula and daniel paula and daniel the radcliffs okay paula and daniel so paula's saying who who emailed first paula she's saying daniel yeah stop stop liking your ex's post yeah delete her just message her and say look my bird doesn't like her i i can't speak to her

anymore there's too much history there soz but i need to do this for me missus because it's making a paranoid and whatever but then paula Has got a kid to her ex, so they still follow each other. Right. So there's a bit of that. Maybe not as much like him, but they're still friends on social. Yeah.

God. We've got to solve this for them as well. I think, right, here's my hot take on this. I think Paula's got to suck it up. I think she's got to keep her ex on her social medias because of her kid, and she wants to see what her ex is posting about him.

Absolutely sound, I get it. But if she's going to do that, she's got to accept that Daniel has got every right to do the same. Well, point of order. We don't have to. i cannot no i i get it instantly you first hear it and this is what's gonna happen on a lot of these you first you hear the first one and you're like well it's this this is right and then you hear the other side of it but i think i think paul is like yeah maybe i am friends with with my ex we have a kid together but i'm not

liking and she's just doing a sort of she's just trying to facilitate a healthy relationship with a baby daddy with a baby daddy that's that's that's real for a lot of people they've got to keep that shit pleasant yeah not for them then paula might want to be like oh i'm done with that con ages ago but you've got to you've got to raise a kid together you cannot have to be like Oh I'm done with that cunt Ages ago But you've got to You've got to raise a kid together You cannot have to be like No it's no different From being mates With one of my lad mates

Really Which lads Have you stuck your dick in Which ones Steve Hang on Which one You're assuming

That he's not bisexual Ron Weasley There's no context To that in the email Daniel No I'm just saying You're not You can't As soon as you've stuck'm just saying. You're not, you can't, as soon as you've stuck

your dick in someone, you're not the mate. You can't be the mate. You can't be the mate. So has he got a deleter? You think he's got a deleter? I can see Daniel's argument that he's like,

hang on, your mate's with your ex, but I think that's being a little bit, that's not the same, you're mates with your ex, but I think that's being a little bit unkind. That's not the same, is it? The kid makes... But why don't they just both delete? Why don't they just fucking delete?

Because she doesn't want to. Because she's like, I've got a kid with this guy. So you don't have to be on social... She wants to see what he's posting about the kids and... Oh, shit. She can't delete her ex. She can't delete her ex. think i'm on paula i'm on paula radcliffe's side on this one you think he's got to just release and i think he's got to

stop being a fucking flange you lie and be like hey i don't know what you're on about we're just mates and we just you know really can you can you go drinking and stay over in the same hotel room oh we sort of covered this actually a couple of episodes you could but you could with steve or can you go drinking and stay over in the same hotel room? Oh, we sort of covered this actually a couple of episodes ago, didn't we? I don't think you could. I bet you could with Steve or Ron Weasley. Or Neville Longbottom. I bet you could.

But not Hermione. Hermione. That's how I read it. Is that what you call it? That's what I read it for. Hermione. Honestly, I was on Goblet of Fire before someone corrected me.

Oh, you fucking... Have I not told you that? No. Hermione. I what I read it for. Hermione. Honestly, I was on Goblet of Fire before someone corrected me. Oh, you fucking... Have I not told you that? No. Hermione. I've never in my life met anyone... Sounds like a spell. I've never met anyone called Hermione, because I'm just from fucking...

In Preston, there's no one called Hermione. So I just read it as it sounded. Hermione. I think it was when I saw the first book, and they were like, Hermione. I was like, oh, fuck. I'm a moron. Shit.

Do you know the song Grooves in the Heart? Grooves in the Heart. I do, yeah. Up until last year, I thought that was Movers in the House. Movers in the House. Movers in the House. Movers in the House.

It doesn't make sense, does it? No I thought it meant like dancers House move, moving house I'm moving house No, I don't mean moving house I thought it meant like movers Movers in the house

People who are dancing in the house Yeah You sound older than me now Those movers in the house They're bloody good movers And the other one I forget the name of the band

but I know she knows I'm not from Nebraska alright yeah I thought it was I'm not from Nebraska until

I'm not saying it was your fault because I'm not from Nebraska do you know how I found out that I got that wrong I was doing a gig

in like Middlesbrough or something and I was car sharing with another comedian called Harry Staccini dead good lad he produced loads of content go and check Harry out

and he was driving us and that song come on on the way home I fucking committed to it I was in the car and I went I know she knows

I'm not from Nebraska and as I said it it was like in a film. He just slowly turned it down, pulled onto the hard shoulder and went, what the fuck did you just say? She knows I'm not from Nebraska. He went,

it's Fonda Baskin. I went, I don't think I've been singing a song wrong for 12 years, Harry. I'm a little bit older than you. Okay. I know. I, I, I'm on little bit older than you. Okay. I know. I am on Paula's side.

I want to personally put my vote that I am on Paula's side, and I think Daniel, anonymous Daniel, has to sort of just see the lay of the fucking land. What are you doing? I think there's a compromise to be made here. That's what I think. I think, Daniel, you can still follow your ex-missus. You can still talk to her very, very sparingly.

Sparsely? Yeah. Sparingly. Sparingly. So, like, you know, if anything really sort of important comes up or whatever, if that sort of of important comes up or whatever if that that sort of relationship you've got or what ringer no i mean like if she posts something and it's really sort of he's got something if she's like oh i don't know i've got this problem

and he you know he's exactly able to solve it i'm not saying you can't go oh i can help you out with that but you can't be liking her photos and her selfies and shit you've got to let that bit slide but you can still follow her now you don't agree with me do you i mean are we having our first domestic dispute no because i've never fucked you we'll be fine yet we i just yeah you're right we're gonna do a special episode for that? When we just bang on. That's not homophobia, but going like that. It's just,

I just thinking about us two naked. I know I'm on Paula's side. My, my part of this judgment is coming down on Paula's side. So Daniel's going to delete his ex and never speak to her again. Yeah, it sounds hard-line, doesn't it? It does, yeah. But that's what you're saying.

I need to get this clear. Oh! I'll meet you halfway. Unfollow. Don't delete. Don't block. Just unfollow so you don't see the shit, so you can't like it

and be like, God, you look amazing. Have you left me? That's how I'm... I'm being a bit harsh on him. No, that's the same thing. Unfollow. Unfollow and delete

are the same thing. No, it's not. It is. No, because then she knows you've deleted. She goes, fuck, where's so-and-so? You're not friends.

Unfollow. They don't know. Are we talking Facebook? I think they're talking Instagram and Twitter and shit as well. How much social media present has this fucking

ex-girlfriend got? Well, Daniel, it's 2020 and most people have an account on all three platforms fuck off I'm struggling with two here no I'm on Paula's side he deletes

and unfollows on the relevant platforms I'd say unfollow unfollow don't see the shit so you're not tempted to be like you look amazing

like bore off go on you know you've got family and friends i'm gonna give you an olive branch daniel i think you can still follow but you have to be less interactive with her that's my decision and i tell you what if you're listening to this this obviously there's a bit of a divide with this we'll put a little poll on twitter so there'll be a few options for it if you've listened to this go to Twitter go to have a weird pod and let us know exactly

who's side who's side you want Paula Radcliffe's or Harry Potter's we need a collective effort to solve this it's a bit confusing people who have not

listened to the episode will be like what beef has Paula Radcliffe got with Daniel Radcliffe this doesn't make sense it'd be good because they'd be like

I've got to listen to this bullshit and then they'll get to this point and be like no I'm disappointed have a 20,000 episode and let it just drop right back down oh

there we go what when we disagree what we're going to do because this is predicated on us deciding but we've now disagreed a little bit

well then we turn to our listenership yeah okay good one yeah god you're so good isn't it and that's on social media you

do that you can do a poll you can do a poll now where do they send the letters to do you want me to read your address i was on the podcast because i'll fucking do it dan p.o box p.o box 23 just send them to the local Greggs Adam will pick up the post on the way Hello love can I have a third bit of bacon on my mail In the Ridge, yes you're Paula Radcliffe That's Domestic Dispute 1 done Keep them coming in to haveawirdpod

at gmail.com Very very good Vox All Comedy Club is proud to present Bottomless Booze Comedy every Friday and Saturday nights coming back some point soon, possibly. This frankly bonkers offer gives you 90 minutes of comedy from top circus and TV comics, as well as 90 minutes of bottomless booze from just £25.

That's bottomless beer, wine and cider and hand sanitiser for just £25. Spirit and Mixer bottomless tickets start at £35 and entry-only tickets are only a tenner. Vauxhall Comedy Club is normally open Monday to Saturday and is also right next to Vauxhall Street Food Garden. Five different street food vendors offering delicious food Monday to Friday. Please, for the love of God, do not visit us for the foreseeable future. But instead, follow us on social media and sign up to our mailing list

where we will announce our triumphant return. Our mailing list is at voxelcomedyclub.com. Our socials are at voxelcomedyclub on Instagram, at voxelcomedy on Twitter, and voxelcomedyclub on Facebook. The show is 18 and over, no ID, no entry, and we operate a strict challenge 25-door policy. So, we've got one from Dean Coughlin,

who has been in us right from the start. Disgusting! It's not disgusting. There's nothing wrong with a man and another man bumming. You saw 2020, do you know what I mean? So, Dean has done a would you rather would you rather know all the answers to every mystery or conspiracy theory or any unsolved cases all of that shit you like the oracle for things that have been lost in the ether or be able to talk to animals. So you are like a fucking omnipresent Sherlock Holmes. People are like,

or, yeah, or you can fucking Dr. Doolittle it. Oh, right. So basically anyone can come up to you and be like, what happened to Maddie? Or who's my real dad?

And you'd be like maddie asking that i remember a different man from when i was very little who was jack the ripper and you'd just be like it's called steve that's you could answer or you can talk to animals. Ooh. Would you rather? But like, you know, when I know all the answers to everything, does that mean like, does everyone believe me? Does everyone know that I'm right about it? Like are people coming to me going, because there's not going to be any mysteries for very long, is there? If everyone knows that I'm right.

Yeah. So that power would wane. I mean, it'd be really annoying because you'd be wanted in every court case yeah in the world that seems like a lot of admin just be like they're just the world court would be you you'd like you know like a queen bee who's just like massive and just on a throne and all the workers keep getting food and she just keeps oh sorry just by all the babies keep coming out and she's like i want to go out and they're like no queen you have to stay and make her be colony that'd be like you with truths you just be like you'd be on there like one there'd be only need to be one court in the world

it'd be in dove cut and you'd be like and be like the world court with adam rowe like judge adam like why am i so i want to go out and they're just because they keep feeding your state bakes because there's so many court cases from around the world and you just have to solve all of them like this guy says

he wasn't breaking law and you'd be like he was he's lying give the judge another state bake I don't like what I've become in your fantasy

you know Jabba the Hutt yeah I know and you just have me on a chain like Princess Leia. I can see you as Jabba. No, you can't. Why would you say that to me?

It's the worst thing you could ever say. I can see you as both Pinky and the Brain. What we do tomorrow night, Blaine? Same as we do every night, Pinky pinky do a podcast in my spare podcast and not go out i or you can talk to animals i mean it's talk to animals defo but i would be more inclined to pick the the first option if no one knew like if i just do you know what i mean like if i could just hi hi no one has to know any of these no one has to know either you can talk to animals and keep it on the fucking download i don't know why you'd want to because then i'd just be like talking to the animals and that and

sort of why is that good someone else to talk to any do you know every time someone says what we i'm talking to two people at the minute it's you and jade what you want to include the fucking i want my dog. Oh, always with the fucking dog. I could just ask my dog, couldn't I? I could be like, hey, am I your favourite or is it? Yeah. What if your dog's a racist?

I think my dog might be, you know. What if your dog's like, you're like, hey, Minnie, I can talk to animals now. She's like, thank fuck. Hey, what about the Jews? Do you know why I think my dog might be a bit racist? You've got yourself there, haven't you? Why would my dog? You know why?

Because I genuinely, I went so into that. I became, I literally became Minnie the dog there. In my head, I found it really funny, because I saw that picture of you waiting for the postman that you put on Twitter about three, four weeks ago. And in my head, I literally visualised your dog being like, oh, nice one, let's talk anyway. What about the fucking Jews running the world? Minnie's anti-Semitic.

Oh, God. And then once you've got the power of talking to animals, you can't turn it off. You're going to have to teach your dog not to be racist. I, I, I'm worried about the dog being a bit racist. And I'll tell you why.

Go on. The dog was just sat next to me the other day. I was in a WhatsApp group and I was getting voice notes. Right. And I got one from Rob Mulholland, another comedian. And he's just like, all right,

I'm from Leeds and I'm Rob and everything's fine. And the dog was just like looking at me like, where's that noise coming from Leeds and I'm Rob and everything's fine and the dog was just like looking at me like, where's that noise coming from? Yeah. And then I got another voice note from, I think you

and I listened to that, dog was fine. Then Eshan Akbar sent me one but put an accent on, like an Indian accent. Oh. So he was like,

he was doing all that and then the dog went fucking mental. The dog was trying to bite me phone.'ve got a racist dog no can i just tell you something yeah i think your dog's the complete opposite i think your dog's super woke i think she heard me doing my voice heard rob doing her voice and then eshan akbar even though is a fucking bangladeshi heritage was doing a like a faux Indian ironic racist voice and she started barking because she was like no it's 2020 sounded just like Freddie Quinn I think she was barking because she thinks even from someone of Southeast Asian heritage

it's still offensive well I think that's uber woke and I think that ignores the racism that Bangladeshis would suffer in the UK because racists slump all Asians into one bracket. Yeah, but you said he was doing an Indian voice.

He was doing one of them. Ah! He was doing one of the voices from over there. One of their voices. One of their voices from over there one of their voices oh god anti-semitic dog i don't see what the advantage of it reminds me of that louis ck bit who louis ck used to have that bit about if you could talk to animals and you'd just be able to hear you go to the zoo and the sea lions would be like i'm a slave kill me yeah maybe you don't want to hear what they're saying i think at the zoo they'd just be like why am i here if that's the case then you just stop going to the zoo the giraffe's like i can't see africa but like you could go on safari and be a lion and like you'd

be like it's happening lion lad and he'd be like and, like, you'd be like, what's happening, lion lad? And he'd be like, all right, mate. No, he'd be like... I was going to eat, yeah, but you can talk to me, can't you? So you can get us some food or something. Every time someone says about animals talking, they basically personify human brains into them, but they're just killing machines.

Lions are probably like, I'm going to fuck, I'm going to eat, then I'm going to fuck, then I'm going to fuck again, then I'm going to eat something else. Yeah, but if I can talk to fuck, going to eat, then I'm going to fuck, then I'm going to fuck again, then I'm going to eat something else. Yeah, but if I can talk to animals, then we have to work on the idea that they can understand me. All right.

And I can understand them. And they've got a Scouse accent. Yeah, right, lad? Fuck a nosely Safari Park lion. Well, yeah, they will. Like, the nosely Safari Park lions will have a Scouse accent, won't they? Yeah. They will.

Aren't they wolves? Sort of. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They'll be a bit Ringo Starr. lions will have a scouts accent won't they yeah aren't they wolves sort of yeah they'll be a bit Ringo Starr all the lions have got liver bird tattoo thanks for

coming round in your car to have a look at us and that you know what I mean really appreciate you being here

that's nosely is that nosely I'm a wool lion you know what I mean I don't really belong here do i i should be

in africa in the saranghetti but i'm not there i'm here in nosley fucking weird isn't it but i'm a lion and i'm sounding that hey throw us some chips lad and i'll leave your car alone i don't know if this is going to be good for our mental health or if it's the best thing we could possibly be doing. Because literally hundreds of thousands of people could die worldwide from this COVID-19. But for a minute there, I was literally thinking about anti-Semitic dogs and plastic Scouse lions.

Hiya, I'm a lion. You alright? Uh, hello. I'm addicted to this place now. Can you do a roar as a plastic scouse lion? Roar. Fucking roar. And now, what about a talkie lion? Fucking hell, I'm a fucking lion.

No, that's too much. Oh, is it too much? Go on, sorry. Talkie. What's talkie? Talkie. Talkie is quite quick. Is it? Yeah. Something like, I like that sound. Yeah, yeah. that no that's too much oh is it too much go on sorry so talky what's talking talky talky is quite quick is it yeah something like all right let's sound yeah yeah no no no i'm lying and that aren't i so if you've got any scrambling now it'd be nice to have a bit of your scrambling that because i could do with some scrambling because i don't want to scrang you you

seem sound that you know you're talking to me no one fucking talks to me fucking lying and i know i'm saying like that you know what i mean but i'm sounding that so if you if you give us some chips or sausage and that, then I won't eat you and your family and I'll leave your car alone and I'll tell those monkeys to fuck off your fucking wing wipers as well. What? In my head, that line looked thin. head that line looks thin. A bit gone. Got no teeth. Fucking baghead lion. Really fast walking lion. Walking out. Gotta get to where I'm going like do you know what I mean

and then you go back to the slow lions you know the south Liverpool the walls and that yeah just some over the water me like I've got a

quite scouse accent and that people from down south will confuse us but you know to the more atoned air you can tell

that I'm not actually from Liverpool I'm actually from over the water. And if anyone thinks that got a bit too parochial, remember we were actually talking about lions. Yeah. So what would you rather? I need closure, Dan.

I need fucking closure, mate. Oh, yeah, sorry. I was ready to crack on. I don't want to talk to animals. I think they'd be fucking morons. I think most animals would be fucking morons. I didn't get to this before. If no one else can know,

then I think I'm probably having all the answers. Yeah, because you don't want to be the Jabba the Hutt, like, I don't want to tell the truth anymore. But if I could just be at home, like, with me fucking dad going, hey, you know, Jeff, you can't melt steel beams. And I can be like, either fucking right, you can't, or actually they can and knowing

whether like Bush didn't know or whether it was a trap hang on that's not fun because everyone pretends to know everything like who shot JFK you'd be like

oh yeah but I'd know it was Oswald and then people are like yeah but you don't know that and you'd be like no I do and you're like

oh shut up Adam no but I'm not doing it for other people to respect me I'd know do you not want to make a bit of money from it? You can't set up a Patreon for knowing shit If anything

Not knowing anything and talking nonsense Does quite well on Patreon In my experience Yeah I want to know all the answers There's my answer Thank you Would that not be a crippling amount of responsibility to go and tell everyone?

I wouldn't tell anyone. I'd tell a few of my mates, maybe. If they were chatting about it and brought it up. Yeah, but then you're just a dickhead in the pub thinking you know everything. Fucking Adams and you. But I don't care enough about their opinion of it. Yes, you do.

I don't. You care. I do care a bit. Of course, I've seen your Twitter. You fucking care but this is how Adam's making himself up hmm

just to know the truth is enough hmm but like no one would be enough I'd know I'd know who shot JFK

I'd know yeah everything okay yeah plus you I'd know whether UFOs are real I'd know whether Yeah. Everything. Okay. Yeah. I'd know whether UFOs are real. You never find out your dog's a racist. Yeah. She is though.

Yeah? Yeah. Lovely dog. Can I move on? If you want. Let's crack on. Okay boys, let's do another feature already. That was so pedantic, I could have just cut that out. You've just cut it out, haven't you?

Yeah, I'm very professional. So just before we move into the final section of the pod and we do the have a word section, just want to say another thank you to everyone who signed up to the Patreon because you are literally making this podcast work and making it possible at all. If you don't know what patreon is it's basically a way for you to throw us a bit of money and support the production of the podcast you can

either do three five or ten pound a month and you know what's been really nice there's a few people who signed up for three quid initially and they've gone back and changed it to a tenner and sent us that message being like sorry it's it's worth well more than that and we really want to support you and it's it's really good we're going to be out of gig work for a long time and if this podcast can make a little bit of money in the meantime

through a few adverts and people signing up it would it means the world to us we're quite humbled by the support and not to lay it on too thick but

because there's other people in need and everything and I don't ever fuck them who the fuck are those guys who the fuck are those guys but there's been a couple of moments where on whatsapp

we've been like actually taken aback by it if you can't afford it don't feel blacked if you can and you want to it's massively appreciated

initially we said we'd just do you'd be helping us out and when we all come out of the bunker post shutdown we'll do a free gig which we are definitely

going to do and we'll do a free gig to say are definitely going to do and uh we'll do a free gig to say thank you so the first ever live podcast will be a thank you gig for everyone that signed up to the patreon but actually i've started putting up a bit of content i found the old hack radio pod which is the my old podcast that didn't work out but has spawned this one yeah so i put that episode so i i was a guest on that podcast wasn't i and from from that guest appearance i just knew there was magic in the air. Well, it was funny, wasn't it?

It was really good. So that episode is now exclusively available on the Have A Word Patreon. And we're working on... We haven't got this up yet, have we? But we're working on... You had an old podcast. I can't find it.

I think it's done that from five years ago. Yeah. And it also... Yeah, but I put the pilot episode from december up so we've got this yeah so there's two extra episodes on the patreon right now basically the origin story of this podcast now me and adam did a podcast way back in the day but i i don't think i've got it i think it's been lost over like five years also the sound quality has been like so what do you think about comedy, Adam?

Over. Be like an audio recording from like a blitz. I just hope they invent microphones really soon. That's going to help with comedy. Over. Back then, you didn't even have a microphone. You just had a little audio recorder you'd put on a table. And he kept going to me,

don't knock the table. He kept telling me off. It was about the size of your phone and had two little like uh doctor who nodules coming out and i once tried to take it abroad and it was fine on the way out coming back through like i think i've done some gigs for the army or the the navy and i was in bahrain airport and they got it out and it looked like a taser they were like what the fuck is this it's like uh podcast recorder you could put the cast i don't know what the podcast is it looks like ied

but yeah thank you so much to everyone who signed up already people who are sending us a bit of money because at the minute there's no other money coming in for us and if you can help us we appreciate it but as we've said if you can't afford it if you're asking to if you're on benefits keep your money just keep listening to the podcast and spreading the word for us but if you've got a bit of dough and you can spare a bit we're so grateful we really can't hammer home how uh how humbled and grateful we are it is appreciated it's uh www.patreon did you just do www. sorry people don don't do that anymore, do they? We haven't done that since 1997.

It's http:// It's World Wide Web. It is. Period. The online. It's patreon.com slash have a word. Right, that's enough. Have a word pod?

What is it? No, it's have a word pod. Patreon.com slash have a word pod. And we're very, very grateful. Let's do some have a word right it's enough have a word pod that's yeah what is it no it's have a word pod patreon.com slash have a word pod and we're very very grateful let's do some have a words let's do a have a word with adam and dan

send us all the problems that you have with your friends we'll read them out and we'll solve them for you have a word god

god almighty okay let's solve have the word God. God almighty. Okay, let's solve some problems here on Shutdown Daily. I could have been a hacky DJ. Did you steal that bed from QVC? We've got beds! And we've got... Oh shit, QVC.

Where did I go in my head then with beds? I think you just went for like a bed advert. See what I'm thinking there is, put it back on. I can do it, you ready? So, coming up in the next hour, we've got the brand new Steam Cleaner 3000. Usually £44.99, we've got it for £42.99. Plus postage and packaging. Keep an eye on QVC in the next hour.

First up, we've got a mop. And we've only got 15 left in stock. That's not 12 left in stock. Oh, hang on, they've all gone. We've found another 50. Exclusively from JML. Have a word. Okay, cool.

I relate to this one so much. I'm excited about this I want your is it one about sexuality no alright what's happening boys aye

have a word with me missus please she's always banging on about recycling and she'll nag me if I put something that's recyclable in the normal bin

like a cardboard sleeve off a ready meal or something normally I try my best to do it right but she's still banging on about it even though the world is on lockdown can you please tell her to give her a rest because nobody's asked about recycling meal or something normally i try my best to do it right but she's still banging on about it even

though the world is on lockdown can you please tell her to give her a rest because nobody's asked about recycling during a pandemic but steve from liverpool who now lives in canada yeah i love it how he's like he's basically found a loophole to just be lazy like he always wants to be lazy like when when society's working normally it's like oh, oh God, you're such a ball, like I will do it because you keep whinging. Now you're like, there's people dying. I just want to sit on the couch and not recycle. You're not a big fan, are you?

Of what? I don't know. Apparently you said Jade. You've told me that Jade's pretty fucking stringent. Well, Jade's a good person and i'm a lazy arsehole do you know what i mean yeah so jade's like we gotta recycle because we're trying to help the planet and i'm like yeah but there's there's already enough people recycling and we're us doing it's not going to make a difference that's amazing i'm right though yeah because

right i'll tell you why don't say it out loud on a podcast though because then it's not just you is it it's you spreading your laziness i'm not responsible for other people being lazy i'm just telling i'm telling my truth i'm trying to live my truth what a great defense shaming me what a great defense i just like pictures of kids why are you why are you talking why are you pedo shaming me? Why are you talking there? Why are you pedo shaming me? It's just how I feel. Why are you... Brilliant, now you're hurting my feelings.

Two wrongs don't make a right. Go on. Sorry, go on. Right, look. So a lot of stuff that gets put in a recycle bin now doesn't get recycled because they can only recycle a finite amount of stuff because of the resources. So most recycling just goes into the tip anyway. So until the recycling goes below the finite line,

nothing we're recycling is getting recycled anyway. Hang on. Go on. You're like the bellend who throws something out of his window and be like, whoa, well, I'm keeping someone in a job by littering Hang on. Go on. You're like the bellend who throws something out of his window. And you're like, whoa, well, I'm keeping someone in a job by littering. Because if I don't litter, no one's going to have a job cleaning it up. So actually, fuck the environment.

What about people having jobs? You're like, yeah, I think you're being a cunt. I'll argue with that, though. What? I haven't said that. You've said it, but I want you to argue. How do you know you're fine at it? Like, you don't know. I don't know why. Are you

keeping up to date with your local recycling centre? They could have just expanded and could be doing more. They haven't. Really? They haven't. Been on the council website. We don't have a letter. The new recycling... The new recycling centre, West Derby, Liverpool. Come on

down. We've got loads of space for your cardboard, plastics and aluminium. Get them into us now. It won't go in the tip. It'll get made into a new box or something. And remember, any bullshit your mates tell you about you, about us getting a capacity of recycling, is absolutely horseshit. So tell them a moron.

Just because they think they know stuff, they don't. They're not all powerful and they don't know who killed JFK. I refute your logic, although... Look, I do recycle now. I'm doing my best. And I am still recycling through the pandemic, even though I'm definitely not going to be recycling anything. But, look, the lazy man in me,

I just feel like a connection with steve stay from can i just say before you say about steve i now i've just thought about it i feel so badly for the people that have to work in a recycling center when everyone's like covid19 stays on things that people have touched for up to 12 hours every time they unload like a green bin of recycling onto the thing where they have to pick plastics from cardboard

and everything the people working there must be like fuck it's a box of virus exactly I'm going to look after those people

so from now on I'm throwing all my rubbish straight into the garden right I'm just going to have a big pile of rubbish in the garden

at the end of it and I'll phone a man there'll be a man won't there and he'll come in a van with a plan and he'll take me cans and he'll get rid of

all the rubbish listen I think what we're going to say is there's a midway here isn't there do a bit of recycling no stay

do you know what lad when people love recycling don't be a fucking ball bag about it and be like, all right, you've got to, hang on, there was a bit of plastic.

Where's that cardboard? That's got to be on there. Just don't be a dickhead about it. Don't be a vegan about it. Do you mean for vegans? Just be a normal vegan who's like, yeah, I don't eat meat because I think it's immoral.

I just, I don't, and that's my choice. I don't eat anything to do with animal products and that's my choice. But if you want to, that's your choice. I just, I don't, and that's my choice. I don't eat anything to do with animal products, and that's my choice. But if you want to, that's your choice. If you ask me about it, I'll tell you why. I think I've done some research, and I'd like you to listen,

but if you don't want to listen, I don't mind any vegans like that. I'm like, you can do what the fuck you want, as long as you don't sit next to me and Nando's going, you're a fucking murderer. Just playing devil's advocate here, though. Right. Some vegans think that meat is murder.

They think killing a chicken to make a fucking burger is the same as you killing a child. It's the same to them. Yeah, but that's the hypothetical vegan. I've never met a vegan that acts like that. I've just met sound vegans like Carl Donnelly, who are like, yeah, I'm not into it. How long has it been since you've seen Jade?

She's getting a bit tapped. Yeah, I think, stay Stay lad, look you're right Pandemic time If we're all working from home we can be lazy at home as well Get your undies on, get on the couch Play on FIFA Throw your rubbish in the garden Pile of shit around it

Yes let's live in shit That's the message of this week's podcast Let's live in shit Let's do it like they used to do it Put it in the garden and burn it. At night, so no one can see the smoke. They might kill

next door's racist dog. Yeah, Steve, be lazy, lad. We're not bothered. And thanks very much for your submission. We need more have-a-words. We're getting a lot of would-you-riders. We need more Have A Werds. So if there's anyone in your life who you want us to have a word with,

please get them in to haveawerdpod at gmail.com. Tomorrow, can we do some drunk stories? Yes. We've had some drunk stories and some hangover stories that I've not really given full attention to. And we've got a ledge of the day, which we'll do tomorrow as well.

Oh, beautiful. What? One in the bag. One down. One. Next one. Shut down daily Everyday we're hustling Hustling

How many times You do in the podcast Everyday we're hustling Hustling Hustling Hustling Who the fuck Do you think

You're fucking with I'm the fucking boss Sorry go on Everyday I'm hustling What are you doing Tuesday Everyday I'm hustling Everyday Everyday

Everyday Everyday I'm hustling Hustling, every, every, every, every day I'm hustle, hustle, hustle, hustle, hustle, hustle You don't need a loop pedal If you're just talented like me Are you short of breath? That hustle Towards the end I've been short of breath for about a week

And I'm coughing and I've got a fever Oh, Jesus So, just a quick thanks to our sponsors this week We've got Beer52 and Vauxhall Comedy Club. So if you go to beer52.com forward slash word and sign up there, that would be really appreciated from us. And you can get Vauxhall Comedy Club. They are voxhallcomedyclub.com.

They are at voxhallcomedyclub on Instagram, at voxhallcomedy on Twitter, and voxhallcomedyclub on Facebook. They're our sponsors for this week. Thank you so much to both of them. We're so grateful for them getting in touch with us and supporting the pod. Now playing us out this week is Kieran Bowe

with Into The Night and Shout Out To Come Together Northeast, which is a collective of Northeast artists who are producing their own music up in the Northeast of England. Awful. It's the most offensive accent you do is Northeast England.

Day one and we've got a submission from Kieran Boe. It's into the night and here it is. guitar solo Won't you come on over guitar solo Won't you come on over Press your head on my shoulder I know I'm not supposed to Guess I'm just testing the water It's all so tragic But I'm a hopeless romantic I'm going blind

I'm going blind And I think it's right Cause this love I don't wanna feel down Do you feel inclined To lift me off the ground? We go dancing into the night We romance into the night Your true colors came out today No words left to say

God knows you left your mark Keeping me in the dark God has me blind Should I be thinking twice? Cast this flag I don't wanna be alone Do you feel inclined To lift me off the ground? We're cold dancing into the night

We're cold dancing into the night Thank you. I'm out.