Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #131 with Rob Mulholland - Have A Word w/Adam & Dan

Episode Date: August 2, 2021

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Every day. Who the fuck is that guy? Char, upset me, nasty bitch. Oh, Jesus. Don Oh, jeez. Don't chat to me! I can see fumes coming off your pum-pum look like petrol station. Shut up! Disgusting!

Coming to you from the soon-to-be world-famous Havawad Studios. Hidden away in the scenic hills of sunny Runcorn, England. These are the funniest leads in the podcast game. Adam Rowe, Dan Nightingale and Sensei Carl with full HD video episodes on YouTube. It has to be. Have a word. What's happening everyone, Adam here. Just before we start, I've got to let you know

that I am going to be at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival for three nights only, the 17th, 18th and 19th of August at the Pleasantance Rear Courtyard doing a work in progress of my tour show that I'm taking on tour next year. If you go to pleasant.co.uk and just search Adam Rowe or if you just click the link in the YouTube description or wherever you get your podcasts,

it'll take you to tickets. Now, because of the way it's set up, there's only room for 150 people. A lot of those tickets have already been sold already. You've got to book in groups of like two, four, six. They're sold in tables. If all the tables of two are sold out, try and get a table of four and bring a couple more mates.

Yeah, if I could do it differently, I would, but it's nothing to do with me, really. Please come. Please come and watch me do some stand-up on the 17th, 18th, and 19th of August at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Three nights only. No other shows will be added up there. It's just these three. And I'll see some of you there. And if you're not coming, fuck you and your whole family.

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Your capital is at risk. Don't invest anything you can't afford to lose. Be safe. Don't be a fucking dickhead. Now, let's get back to the pod. You know, in like those American films when they're in a high school, but like the actors are not high school kids they're all 26 minimum isn't that where's this going yeah i knew that the second you said that

cut to carl this is a beautiful it is beautiful but you do look like a 30 year old trying to play a 17 year old what does he say what does does Joey say? It's whack, man. 10 things I hate about Cuff. It's up with the whack PlayStation. It's up with the whack PlayStation. It's like you tried to make a classic Italian football kit into a kimono. I didn't make it.

I know you didn't. I'm on a seamstress. A seamstress? But you are. That sounds like a euphemism for slut. You are a word nonce. I think seamstress is a are that sounds like a euphemism for slut you are a word nonce I think seamstress is a lady version

isn't it seamster maybe is that the name a seamster a teamster a hipster it's from art and football get on them

they make some fire I've got a PSG one as well that I want to wear next week yeah there's a new Fiorentina one coming out from the

late 80s Baggio Ballon d'Or era. No, maybe not. Of these? Yeah. No, I just like the T-shirt. I'm not wearing that.

I don't know about that. Why? Do you know where else you could be? I'm not joining a bowling team. I look like I'm in a bowling team, I think. In a barber shop. A barber shop bowling team. A barber shop bowling team.

You look like one of the barbers. Please, bowling. Hey, Vin vinnie what's the barber shop saying oh but i'm italian yeah obviously it's in new york yeah it's in new york of course belissimo belissimo means fit on it yeah yeah yeah it's direct translation fit bellissimo what does that mean fit yeah it looked good Napoli what is it mid 80s Napoli Maradona's Napoli

yeah fit and I've got the yeah there's a Columbia one as well and a a Bocca one yeah

nice a cocaine trinity yeah hashtag not ad by the way they haven't paid me to say that hashtag not ad and you've dressed like you've had a rough two weeks and you just wanted to play it

safe adam's had a bit of a cunt and he's like i don't know what to uh i don't think i'm emotionally ready for any banter about my clothes. Fuck you. It's a fucking miracle he's not turned up in his gym gyms. I'm in my PJs, leave me be. I'm not going to do vapour. You look about five stone lighter, though. I have definitely lost a bit of weight. You are?

Fucking look at it. I'm happy about that, and it's going to be the catalyst to keep losing a bit more again and get back into that absence. Get AIDS. What? Get AIDS next time. You know, when you were like all up a body you've never seen

muscle hamster Adam just check his Instagram you'll be looking for a while because it's not there you know when I got like I got a fucking massive do you remember that when I lost weight

but I got massive Adam two tellies anyone worried about the cough apparently so there's a there's a fire cold and only the second about the cough apparently so there's a there's a fella called I'm only

a second and I just realised how hilarious his name is there's a fella called Tim Canary no there isn't Tim Canary

Tim Canary no he's a listener to this podcast and he's a GP oh and he coached me through some of the Dr. Canary. Dr. Canary. No. Right. He's a listener to this podcast and he's a GP. Oh. And he coached me through some of the- Dr. Canary. Dr. Canary. Fucking hell.

With Nurse Pigeon. Literally, I thought- Until I had to say it. I just knew. That's a perfectly good name. And he's told me because I'm tested well like negative

like four or five times in a row now but the cough's obviously still there and he's told me because I'm asthmatic I might be there for a while

especially when I'm laughing this is going to be a longer pod than usual you've got a black t-shirt on Steve Harris fucking mutley catch the pigeon you haven't practised

talking have you what you haven't been practising talking have you no it's your job as well isn't it

you're very quiet for ten days Sam Sam we need to practise you're not you're not out of isolation for five days

get on the dining table face me at a weird diagonal and just look off into the distance would you rather you're not you're not out of isolation for five days get on the dining table face me at a weird diagonal and just look off into the distance would you rather well welcome back man welcome back

it's good to fucking see you it's good to see Finn Finn's half asleep Finnbo Clohissian my god look at him great banter and that's why you've not got a mic, Finn.

Has COVID made you more dull? He didn't pass it to me. I wasn't ready. But you're all right, COVID kids. Yeah, it was shite. Obviously, there was one night that I went to hospital. So when I first got it, Freddie Quinn said, a good bit of advice is to get an oximeter.

Yeah. And, you know, it's that thing that you stick your finger in when you go to A&E, and they check your heart rate and your blood oxygen levels. And he was like, if that drops, then, you know, it's time to ring an ambulance, or you can just monitor. If you feel like you're struggling to breathe, if your oxygen level's sound, you'll calm down.

But you had a good week of it not really being a problem. You tested positive, and it was a while and you were like I'm not deteriorating particularly yeah next minute you're like I didn't want to stress you out lads but last night

well I coughed up a bit of like pink phlegm mama like that that could be blood back and you don't want to be coughing up blood famously it's like not ideal

you know just checking your diet for beetroot nah I'm fucked yeah yeah and then Tim Canary said to me said to me

check your oximeter and it had gone to like 90% that's like 10% lower than 100 Carl can you just check that

so it was 100 as a seamstress can you work that out 90% yeah yeah 10% lower so he said to ring paramedics did So it was 100. As a seamstress, can you work that out? 90%. Yeah, yeah. 10% lower. So, he said to ring paramedics.

Did. They talk about an hour and a half to come despite saying it'd be a maximum of 45 minutes. That's twice as long. Yeah. Double. Alright, let's privatise the cunt. Go on.

I tell you what, right, it is something that, you know, not a lot of people say out loud, right? And it's not the fault of the staff. The NHS can be a little bit shit sometimes.

Wow. You've just noticed. God bless them. They're trying. They're trying. They're trying. That night was genuinely the worst night of my life. Wow.

And my mum is dead. And we need to remember that. Yeah. And it was worse in the hospital. Yeah. That was a doddle because it was happening to someone else. It's just me. It's fucking awful.

Honestly, like, it would have been no less comfortable sleeping on a ladder compared to the bed that they put me on. Right. It was one of those ones that's in, like, a GP surgery, where it can, like like fold up and whatever but it's like it's like sleeping on that but with like fucking

nuts and bolts in the middle of it and and other people on the ward no I was in my own little sort of cupboard did you have your own

cupboard cupboard Harry Potter essentially it was a cupboard they gave me they put me on that and they were like

it's a five to seven hour wait and I got really lucky because there was a girl who recognised me who worked there, the nurse. Yes, mate, that's what you want. She come in and she gave me a pillow and a little blankie. That was like four hours in and took me bloods and she was like, you are going to be waiting.

Are you in a cupboard at this point? A cupboard with a bed and a table in it, yeah. But there's no blankie or pillow? No. Right. So I'd been there for like four and a table in it yeah but there's no blankie or pillow no right so I'd been there for like four and a half hours I was so unbelievably

exhausted but could not sleep because it was just impossible like it was so unbelievably painful this bed and

and COVID makes you achy and uncomfortable oh yeah so she come in at half four took me bloods and gave me some intravenous paracetamol but then

I was left then for another like seven hours like didn't see a doctor for a full 12 hours did you get like any scram or anything nothing

like it was awful and it's just you because no one's allowed to be with you yeah and at one point I felt really sorry for this woman

I told her I needed the toilet she had to bring me a little commode and I had to poo in it I had to poo in it. I had to poo in a bowl. A bedpan or a commode?

What's the difference? A commode's like a wheelchair with a hole in it. A bedpan's... That one. You pooed in a commode. With a little cardboard poo commode. But like,

it's so shallow that I had to like really pace the poo because I was like, if I let this go at the speed that I normally let poos go, I'm going to paint

the whole fucking cupboard disgusting like it was so shallow if i had just let the ferocity out why couldn't you go to the toilet because you're not allowed because you got covered all right you can't be fucking pooing covered all over the hospital. It's true. There's shit everywhere. Oh my God, it's COVID shit. You can tell. Oh, new clean chicken mode. There's a woman who was really, really rude to me.

And to be honest with you, she kind of deserved it. I know, but you know, she's cleaning up shit. She's cleaning up COVID plop. She's not going to be like, good morning. Was she coming, this was, she coming to see me?

This is what we play for. Sorry, she's coming to see me at half 10 in the morning. I've been there since one o'clock. So this is like nine and a half hours in. Check that. Half an hour,

nine and a half hours, yeah. She's got that checked independently by a seamstress. Oh no, not a seamstress. And she's coming in she went she had like a real sort of

short hair proper attitude on her and look I know they're doing a hard job I'm not having a go short hair God said it all didn't he

I mean we're hinting at lesbian we've not said it we've not said it you know I don't know if I don't know if they're allowed to wear

Doc Martens nurses but this one did she had a biker, leathers. In fact, I'm not sure she worked there. I think she might have just been holding a sandwich box that Adam shat in, and that explains her mood. She went, when did you have your chest x-ray? And I went, I haven't had it yet.

I literally haven't seen a doctor since I got here. She went, I know. You're not going to see a doctor till you see a doctor and I went because I'd lost my patience at this point so I went I know how seeing doctors works 1-0 this isn't my

first canary based rodeo she went you won't see a doctor till you see a doctor you can't just turn up at A&E and just get seen. I wanted to go. You can. That's what happens. Oh, you should have said you'd spoke to the canary.

He doesn't work at that hospital. You were in a psych ward in five minutes. Speaking to the canary all night. He said to come here. One of our patrons is a canary. Dr. Canary. And he said that I'm alright.

What does she mean? You can't just turn up at A&E and expect to see a doctor. Well, it's not going to happen at Halfords, is it dickhead? Why, you know, come on. You can't just turn up at a swimming bath and expect to get wet.

Fucking twat. Now I'm riding on out of here with your poo sample. Like a nice swimmer. Right. Wow. She sounds like a large twat. Yeah. And then I got my chest X-rayed and they basically went.

Are we seeing the end of this podcast I don't know by the end of this Adam's going to be pooing in a commode in the corner yeah and they went

yeah it's definitely COVID and I was like 11 hours for that how do you know you don't need another test I've got your sample

yeah not good in this and then what you got to go on they gave me steroids How do you know? You don't need another test. I've got your sample. Yeah, not good. In this. And then what? You got to go home. They gave me steroids. Oh, that's why you're getting fucking jazzed.

Adam, you all right? I was a COVID fucking nightmare, mate. Nearly died. But look at these fucking arms. And antibiotics. And sent me home. Genuinely a bit worried about you. I don't think you were ready for us having this much fun.

Honestly, I'm glad Sam is not here to see this because she'd be like, right, this is over. Get Mulholland in. Oh God. So that was your night in hospital. Did it just get... So the night before,

the day before before were you just getting worse and worse or was your health anxiety kicking in i was fine the only reason laura went he's had a panic attack he's had a panic he's got he's got in his own head and he's had a panic attack i was like i sort of thought if you've got the asthma and then the covid and you could sort of cook yourself into it no i was doing quite well with me health anxiety and stuff and then the COVID and you could sort of cook yourself into it. No, I was doing quite well with my health anxiety and stuff. And then I just had a really bad coughing fit. Like most of me coughs have been that. Right.

And I had this massive coughing fit that, you know, when you cough so much you throw up. Yeah. But I hadn't ate for like two and a half days. There was nothing to throw up. You can't get rid of the cough, can you? It's just like, won't go. So it was phlegm, but the phlegm was pink,

and I was like, ugh. Could be heart failure, if anything. Could be. That's a heart failure. It's a big cough. Yeah. If you get heart failure, you cough up blood, and it's pink.

Did Google say that? Yeah. Thought so Now A word from our new sponsors Rennie I'll deal with it For heart failure

Yeah yeah I'll deal with it That's the first thing you think of This is Probably heartburn Have an antacid Heart failure Rennie's

I would I would If I started having a heart attack I'd be like This is probably just a bit of heartburn would if I started having a heart attack I'd be like this is probably just a bit of heartburn I thought I was having a heart attack on the way here today but I just needed a bussy

I was just a bit hungry well 999 we'll get a meal deal one of the two I have to stop at the spa so how do you get checked out of the old COVID ward like what does Sam have to do?

I wasn't on a ward. I was in one of the cupboards in A&E. Do they not have a COVID ward? They might do if you get admitted. You've got to see a doctor for that. Properly. You're in the wrong place for that, kid. Yeah.

I was just in a cupboard. Being, like, it wasn't a cupboard. It was a room. But it was a small one that looked like a cupboard and then you got out went home

and then you've gradually been feeling better getting hench on steroids yeah watched every Harry Potter 1, 2, 3, 4 all the

yeah all the numbers yeah and feeling good started feeling better feeling alright yeah it's just a cough

still in my head then and I'm nervous about coughing around people because then people are like, has he got COVID? And I'm like, I haven't. I've just had it. And that doesn't calm people down. That's just people not understanding what's, like, if you go on the government website,

I would have thought, like, we did it to Lauren Patterson. She turned up with a cough and we were like, but if you are genuinely out of isolation and you've done your time, you're not, you can't give it anyone. But the cough can linger for ages, can't it? Yeah. Let's fucking hope so, because I do not want to go back. And Finn, I think, is still in there.

Yeah? I'm just wiped out. I've not had a cough, really, at all. I didn't have those symptoms. I just had, like, flu. 22 years old and it's put you on your back side. Have you had a jab? I'd had one jab as well.

Welsh jab. I'd advise people go and get vaccinated. Don't. What do you reckon, Carl? I reckon it's exacerbated by smoking jazz cabbage. Have you been on the marijuana cigarettes? So I will be honest,

when I was feeding... Oh, here we go! When I was feeding... Disgusting! Disgusting! Come on. When I was feeding a bit lower, or like just rough,

that was perking me up. I think anyone that has ever had that before can probably attest to it kind of making you feel not there. So you kind of... So you had COVID so you had covid you are i feel shit i'm gonna only one medicine i'm gonna blaze up those were my words to my brother he was like how long before you blaze and i said i already am i had one in my hand you sound cool

as fuck julie stoned as fuck if he couldn't see that julie you're gonna blaze it's here you and your brother sound cool as fuck but you both live with your mom in real no no no i texted him all right right yeah when you're gonna blaze up son you know i'm gonna blaze covid ain't stopping me blazing smoke weed every day keep it down finn keep it down, Finn! Keep it down. All right. I don't know what that was, but... Was that meant to be my mum? Yeah. I can't do Northweilian. Northweilian?

Neither can I, really. That's Northweilian, I think. Northweilian, yeah. Is it? Does Northweilian accent sound like that? Oh, yeah. All the farmers, they talk like this. I can do an impression of Kiri

doing an impression of the people she went to school with. That can do an impression of Kiri doing an impression of the people she went to school with. That's it? That's about right. That's about right? Yes. Do you like smack? I live in fucking Carnarvon.

Of course I like smack. I didn't think North Welsh people had much accents, really. I just thought they were just like, there. Right. You know what I mean? What? That's just Rhyl. Rhyl is very it's like

a mongrel town it's just a bit of everywhere so that's kind of given me this neutral nowhere accent right

but if you keep going five minutes down the road you're into full inbred farmer territory and they all talk like this and they all talk like that that happened in Ballard actually when I went with Sam

yeah Ballard they all talk like that yeah is Aberystwyth a bit more yeah that it's happening in ballard actually when i went with sam yeah they all talk like that yeah is that a bit more uh yeah so because that's west wales in it is that a bit more singy song it literally gets less nasally the further down the country you go and then you get to like barry island south south south and then it's gavin and stacy and that's the welsh impression everyone does yeah yeah and that's the welsh impression i've been doing to north wailing people i wonder where the to north walian people i wonder where the last welsh accent is i wonder if there's like a little tiny island between wales and

ireland where there's just like six people with like dead unbelievably sing-songy welsh accents because you've gone past like there's a welsh community in argentina sorry yeah no we're not letting that go what did you just say do you think there's an island in between wales and ireland a little undiscovered who knows if we'll ever how can we know you haven't checked how would we know how would we know you don't know fucking 50 miles straight of water whether there is an undiscovered people of half welsh half irish people that have never been passed by one of the 10 million ferries that have crossed there. Maybe they just hide when boats are going past

so they don't get seen. Hide in the water, under the water. Just quilts. Fucking hell, boys. There's a ferry. Is that your Welsh Irish? Get in the water, quilt. Right, do a Welsh Irish right now.

I'd be so fucking great. I know, that was great. You could call them Irish. Oh, Jesus, no. I do a Welsh-Irish right now. I'll be so fucking impressed. I know, that was great. You can call them Irish. Oh, Jesus, no. I tell you, I can see a boat coming. It's a beautiful one. You've just got to change it halfway through the fucking... Code switch.

Maybe they're getting, like, TV signals from both Ireland and mainland Britain, and they're looking at, like, stuff and going, look, shit, there are the six of us. We're sound. We've got a farm. We've got bread. We don't need any noise with the farm. Adam, put under it's six of us. We're sound. We've got a farm. We've got bread. We don't need any oil. Always with the farm.

Adam. That is vital. Farmers. Oil. Farmers. Small island. Quilts. Invisible quilts.

How many Harry Potters did you watch? How many Harry Potters did you watch? A whole weird Welsh-Irish fucking... Quickly, a theory. I think it's possible. There might be. Yeah, could be. You don't know the Disney

No, I don't I haven't sailed the Irish Sea more than five times All of it Oh no, exactly You have not done that No, exactly God, let's hope they invent some kind of satellite one day That we'll be able to see the sea

No I'm not saying we don't know the island's there I'm saying maybe we just assume it's uninhabited Right So your version of the lost city Atlantis Is some weird Welsh-Irish farmland No, I'm not saying we don't know the islands there. I'm saying maybe we just assume it's uninhabited. Right. So your version of the lost city Atlantis is some weird Welsh-Irish farmland where they've gone, fucking hell, let's hide.

We've got great bread. That sounds about right to me. Right, it sounds fucking spot on. Spot on. Coronavirus has had more side effects than I think we're giving it credit for. What? What? What?

What about the islands between Wales and Ireland? Dr Canary has given me a prescription of DMT and I've taken it. Tuck it in a cupboard. Shat on a wizard. Oh my God. We don't know where the last Welsh person is The last Welsh person Yeah where does he live

Holyhead Haverford West But like There's gotta be a last one There's gotta be a famous one Yeah like the last house Oh How annoying would that be

If like it was some guy Right at the far bit of Haverford West who had a house and then some cunt called Rodri was like, I'm going to fucking move slightly past you. And you're like, where are you going? I want to be the last Welshman. Fuck off.

That's my job. And then you're just teetering towards the edge. Do you reckon there's anywhere in the world where like someone's been born and they've just got an unexplained accent? Like let's say there's someone in like Peru, but they're just got an unexplained accent. Like, let's say there's someone in, like, Peru, but they're just Italian.

Right. So their parents are Peruvian. I mean, could you tell the difference? Long line of Peruvian. And then this baby's first wife was just, oh, it's the meatballs. Too weird. Italian-American.

Because that wasn't Italian. What? Hey, I'm born in Rome. Oh! I got fucking meatballs there Bellissima What does that mean I haven't got a fucking clue

I imagine it's great titties The first way There's a question Oh You literally did Joey from Friends As Italian Well it's the

The meatballs With a D speaking in English well I don't know the Italian so I can't do that can I

well you know one word bellissimo fiorentina that's it a paolo di canio a locatelli

if you say first words a paolo di canio bonjour no it's it's classic isn isn't it? Whenever you run out of the words of Italian,

like spaghetti, bolognese, pasta, penne arrabbiata, Roberto Baggio. Good play. Imagine that. Right. Imagine that. Imagine. Are you watching that? But it's like the brain injuries, isn't it?

Or they're the good ones. They're the great ones. When someone like falls off a motorcycle. Do they have to be good at the accent before? What? Do you know if you had a brain injury? You're famously bad at. No, but I don't think anyone's charting like,

like Susan was in a car crash. And then when she woke up, she was like, hello. I got really bad hair. Oh, the car just came out of nowhere. Susan, stop doing that. You're from Norfolk. I know.

But now I'm from China. But she's like, I am from Norfolk. I'm from Norwich. But she's doing the Chinese accent. I don't think anyone would be like, to be fair, Susan always was shit at the Chinese accent. And we were like, stop being racist in this restaurant.

Are you leaving me hanging on this? Absolute pack of cuffs. Whoa. We're not leaving you anywhere. I'm just trying not to laugh so that I don't cough. I'm taking it in. But they do. They wake up from a trauma,

like a brain injury. and then they've like yeah chinese foreign accent syndrome what is it what is it called it's called foreign accent syndrome it actually is called tom sagoda does a great routine about oh yeah amazing yeah it's called foreign accent syndrome it is uh where the patients develop speech patterns that are perceived as a foreign accent different to their native accent the one of the patterns that are perceived as a foreign accent, different to their native accent. The one of the women that you're... You know that's a real example, the one you're saying? Yeah, do you know what?

I've seen the Segura bit, and it's one of those bits that has sort of just, like, manoeuvred its way to the back of my mind. And as I was saying that, I was like, oh, this feels familiar. But she was from... Was she English? It's an Australian lady. Oh, it's English? it's an Australian lady

an Australian lady but with an Irish accent yeah but the English woman was Chinese and I've seen the video of her but it's not just like because when I first heard of her

I was like it's obviously just like damaged their speech and she says certain things you know that sound vaguely like they might be coming from a chinese person but she's got like the um do you know like the annotations of broken english from a chinese person yeah like steve mclaren when he got the fc20 job here it is oh my god for newsy

i'm logan tittle a british woman who went to sleep with a migraine woke up feeling like a completely different person. 38-year-old Sarah Caldwell was rushed to the hospital in 2010 because of severe episodic migraines. During her recovery, she woke up with a Chinese accent. She literally woke up, opened her mouth, and it was not her voice that came out. Oh my God, that is a bit Norfolk, isn't it? And a 55B sweet and sour chicken, Hong Kong style.

It's just been such a horrible thing to go through. She was diagnosed with foreign accent syndrome, a rare neurological condition with no clear cause. The Inquisitor reports others who have suffered from the same change in voice had severe migraines. I don't care about the stats, Plymouth. Talk to her. Just talk to her. Interior.

That's so sad. Oh. Yeah. Shut up, Musie. Come on, woman. Talk to her. Oh. Oh, French. experienced loss of vocabulary, but Caldwell is not alone in her struggle. 52-year-old Kay Russell, pictured here talking to Caldwell, woke up with a French accent after suffering a migraine as well. And singer George Michael says he woke up from a coma with a temporary West Country accent in 2012.

We hear the snippet of it anyway. Yeah, there is other videos that you can find of her, but she speaks in broken English. She doesn't go... It's not like she's going, I walk up with a Chinese foreign accent. She's going, I walk up, Chinese foreign accent. Like, she misses the syllables and the letter A,

because that's in our alphabet, but not... In our vernacular, but not theirs. She misses bits out the Chinese people would miss out it's so unbelievably funny how long does it last is it there forever

she's got it's a brain injury isn't it what would you like to wake up with if you could what if this happened to you

but you could choose the accent what accent would you choose Italian oh what am I doing here I'm just following up my fucking motorbike you call it i think it'd be ideal to just have a different scouse one let's not upset anybody what what southern scouse what if you woke up sounding a bit

birkenhead you'd be gutted wouldn't you you'd rather be southeast East Asian. Caribbean. Zambian. Do your Birkinet. Do your wool. Do your sort of... It's very hard. From Birkhead. Oh, yeah. Pimbao. Pimbao.

You would tell her, like, oh, my God! I sound terrible, but at least I don't sound like I'm from Brumbra. Yeah. I think it'd be quite funny to end up waking up with a

nondescript accent like that and just watching other people deal with me. Comedian Adam Rowe was in a cupboard in a hospital in Liverpool for over seven hours,

received steroid treatment for COVID-19 and woke up the next day speaking in an Indian accent. We interviewed Adam at his home adam thanks for speaking to newsy um has it affected your career at all some people think i'm taking the piss but i'm not taking the piss i can't help but talk like

this anymore it is very much a problem when i going to shops oh they are looking at me saying this is not what you sound like your face does not match your voice hey i that i there'd be a lot of jobs i would no longer go in if i were you like should we just go in that shop on the corner no probably go to tesco or sainsbury's i'm going to go to a bigger establishment. I'm going to use this as a service checkout. Adam, we're going for food tonight. Should we book a restaurant? What do you fancy? We'll eat in.

Where do you want to go? I'm thinking Chinese, Mexican, maybe burger place. Hey, wow. Why don't they just put voices on? Why doesn't she just do an impression of her old self that's sort of an old problem

she's not good at accents why doesn't she just do it because she'd have an English accent with a Chinese twang which is bananas

I'm not joking I've never wished for a brain injury on someone more then I'll tell him why can't I I don't know what I'm going to do. But I tell you what, I'm going to have to rewrite the first five minutes of this set.

What's happening, white people? And with that, let's speak to a sponsor. What's happening, guys? Just before we start this week's episode, I want to let you know, if you love this podcast and you want more of it, you can get an extra episode every single week exclusively on patreon.com slash have a word pod. If you don't know what Patreon is, it's basically a way for you to financially support this podcast whilst also getting some benefits for yourself in return. You can sign up for three quid a month, five quid a month, 10 quid a month. And obviously

the more money you give, the more benefits you get. But even if you just sign up for three quid a month five quid a month ten quid a month and obviously the more money you give the more benefits you get but even if you just sign up for that three quid a month which is the price of a fancy coffee or a pint in a shit boozer you get an extra episode every single week exclusive no one else gets to see it apart from the patreons and you also get 24 to 48 hours early access to the public episodes as well that's what you get and on top of all of that you get access to the entire back catalog of the patreon episodes we've been doing that for like a year now there's loads of content there there's also the two lockdown lock-ins we did in this room where we got dead drunk they only go on patreon the ones we do in the future of them will only go on patreon if you support us you get shit loads of content for us, and you can only get it at patreon.com slash have a weird pod.

Go sign up now, pause it here, sign up, and then come back to this episode. It's going to be a belter. So no one's prepped. I've done a B. It's on me holidays, getting fucking ribbed by my brother-in-laws. Absolutely hounded by the cunts. Ribbed?

Ribbed. Oh. Just because I'm a comedian. Do you get this? Do you get this when you're like, people are like, he's a comedian and loves banter

and you're like, on a family holiday, on day three of the banter, like, I felt like my brother-in-law, Fraser, was fucking starting to get to the point

where I was going to go, shut the fuck up! Like, he was leaning in. He was just like, you don't do much with a baby, do you? Laura does a lot, don't you? Doesn't she? And I was like, yeah, we've got a little system, you know?

Like I do this and she does that, but she wants to do most of it because she knows how to do it. She's got a set way of doing it. And then it developed to like, mate, you need to do a bit more with a baby, don't you? And then it ended on him basically going, Laura's a single mum. Hard work as a a single mum and it was just starting to and you can't because you're a comic punches that in you can't as a comic be like shut up hey it's not funny

rig my holiday so he fucked off and then my other brother-in-law turned up and he was and he watches the pod he's into it and he's like fucking patreon money bags over here how many fucking patrons you got now and i was like yeah we're doing quite well oh fucking money bags and i had three days of being called fucking scrooge mcduck so yeah i didn't do any prep i've been chasing children around a fucking farm in ab in angles your children in Anglesey. Your children? No. No? No, Welsh children. Right. Yeah. Because you can't get done for paedophilia

in another country, can you? Is that right? International waters. Oh, I don't think they extradite from Anglesey, do they? No. No? Finn, famous sex criminal. Famous.

Famous. Famous sex criminal. Sex criminal. Posted everywhere. I'm Finn. Fuckingous. Sex criminal. Posters everywhere. I'm Finn. Fucking hell. Sex criminal. That bald cunt's chasing us again.

Roll the fab. Is that good? Any good? Cheers, mate. So, no, I've not done any prep. That's some question. Have you done any prep? What?

Yeah. Finn. Finn! Are you awake? Finn's awake. Yes, I'm awake. Yes, yeah, yeah. Carl, have you Are you awake? Finn's awake. Yes, I'm awake. Yes, yeah, yeah. Carl, have you got some prep?

Before we do that, can we have a word with people about this Patreon thing? Oh, aye. Right. Can I just, can we go good cop, bad cop? Because I feel like you've been doing a lot of the admin. Yeah.

And it's been starting to do your editing. Yeah. So what Adam's going to do is, No, no, I'll do it. Adam will do it. And I'll just, I'll just soften off the edges okay all right so you say what you need to say about the og patreon thank you show august the 15th and i'm just going to try it in the little breaks just soften off the edges because i've felt via the whatsapp via the email responses you get in a little bit fucking annoyed it's not that I was getting annoyed, it's just that some of our followers are thick as pig shit.

But we appreciate them and we want to keep that Patreon. Fastest growing Patreon in the UK, possibly the world, and we're getting great numbers and we love you and want to retain you. Go on, Ed.

So, a lot of you are new to the podcast. If you are an OG, you'll know. When we first launched Patreon back in March 2020, there was no benefits to signing up. The only benefit you got was the promise of a free ticket

to a future live thank you show. Those tickets have... The ticket link has been sent out to all eligible bachelors and bachelorettes this week. So if you have not received an email with that ticket link and you signed up for Patreon before the end of May 2020, then email haveawordpod at gmail.com and just say, I haven't got my ticket link.

Tell us when you signed up, we'll check it. And if we've missed you off by mistake, then we'll send you the link. If you signed up from the 1st of June 2020 up until right now you're not eligible for one of those free tickets you won't be getting sent a link but there are going to be some spare tickets for this event and they're going to be on sale for 15 pounds each on friday the 6th of august at 10 a.m that includes a drink that includes a drink

include everyone who's coming to getting a drink upon entry. So those tickets will go on sale on Patreon only on Friday, the 6th of August at 10 a.m. On the Monday following, if there's any tickets left, we'll then put them out to the public. That's what's going to happen. If one more person emails and goes, I haven't got my ticket link, I've been signed up for three weeks now, then I'm'm just gonna delete your pledge and block you on every social media you'll never get to listen to the podcast again you're all driving me mad okay but we appreciate you and it's great

being the fastest growing podcast patron in the uk and so stop being a little bit targeted in places a little bit it's a little bit. Where's my link? I signed up two days ago. Why don't I get free ticket? I'm sending an email. But we appreciate you. Thank you. Thanks for your support.

Just to recap, if you signed up before the end of May 2020. That's last year. That's last year. That's not this year. Over a year ago. It's different numbers. Then you should have a ticket link and if you don't

you need to email us before Thursday this week before Thursday the 5th of August because that is when that ticket link is going to expire after that

they're going on sale to Patreons and after it's been on sale to Patreons it's going on sale to the Muggles first person oh sorry go on

it's not an arbitrary line in the sand by the way because from that point before that point actually everyone that point, actually, everyone that signed up from Patreon got an extra episode every week. There was exclusive content from that point on. The people who signed up from mid-March through to mid-May,

if they hadn't signed up, that 450, 500 patrons, if they hadn't signed up, Adam and I would have had to find work. Like, everyone else i know in the comedy industry that didn't have some form of like patreon or like support from something else so many good comics had to hustle and find jobs and then this wouldn't be where it was so if you're like why do these get a thank you show it's because they kept the fucker afloat, helped us flourish, and by the middle of the summer... Out of the goodness of their wallet.

Yeah. They weren't getting anything for it. They weren't getting the extra episodes. They weren't getting early access. The Patreon structure that's in place now, that's been in place for a while, wasn't there when these people supported us. That's why they're getting free tickets,

and that's what they were always promised. We love you all. We really do. There'll be more thank you shows. London. We've got plans to do extra ones here, there and everywhere. We're not necessarily going to do a tour in the next sort of six months or whatever, but we might just cherry pick some one-off live shows.

We're also going to put more content on the Patreon. If you've signed up and you're like, oh, I feel like I've missed out on the OG thank you show, there's loads of opportunities coming up to see us live. At the start of the episode, you saw the Adams at the Edinburgh Festival. We'll be doing maybe one-man shows. And then there's extra content going on the Patreon. We've got the, well, some form of rap battle or roast.

We're going to be developing that. We've got some maybe recorded shows that we're going to put up there. And then maybe later in the year, locking extra content will be going up there. But for this one, it's just a very specific set of criteria to get the tickets.

And on Sunday the 19th of September, the Underbelly Festival sales. The Underbelly Festival in London, it sold out very quickly the first time we put it on sale. I believe as of right this second, there's about 50-60 tickets available Jesus Christ if you go to the

Underbelly Festival website and search have a word live you can book the remaining tickets there can we put a link

to that in the description on YouTube is that possible yes thank you so appreciate you erm

Carl's got some prep thankful best person to email Ron gets shot as well I'm not answering anyone else and if you answer appreciate you erm Carl's got some prep thankful because I was first person to email Ron gets shot as well I'm not answering anyone else if you and if you answer

if anyone emails and asks a question that has been already answered three or four times you're just getting ignored I'm bored I might answer

don't worry about it it's difficult innit have you had a brain trauma do you speak in a weird accent where are my tickling why i not have tickling i sign up tuesday 12th of june 2021 why i not get why i not be invited to adam's 30th birthday why it's good to be back in it yeah nice to have you back this is worth driving back from a fucking welsh farm for it genuinely is go on uh i've got a question who would you put is it weird that carl isn't reading that from anyone i've got a question. What do you want to do Wednesday? Do you want to get some food?

Who would you put on your comedy Mount Rushmore? Oh. Oh! Oh! Four, isn't it? Um. Men.

Four heads. Um. I'm only missing him out. Patrice O'Neill. Right. Um. You can have your own one, Dan, don't worry.

Richard Pryor. You can tell we're very American-based. Richard Pryor. You can tell we're really American-based. Chappelle now. Chappelle, okay. And... It's a black Rushmore.

And Bill. okay and it's a black rushmore and bill any come on you want to put oh billy red nuts on there for american comics yeah yeah right okay honorary mention andy parsons Andy Parsons. Well, that's very much appreciated, Adam. Andy Parsons. I watched it on YouTube. Someone tagged me in, and I thought that was a really nice compliment. Fuck me, that guy. Andy Parsons, obviously. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean... He's taking fucking... He's taking the money for parking. Yeah. Patrice O'Neill. Richard Pryor. he's taking fucking he's taking the money for parking yeah Patrice O'Neill, Richard Pryor I'd have Billy Connolly up there because for me

without him I don't know where we are as British comics I think his influence is so huge the audience with Billy Connolly is phenomenal and some of the stuff that I saw as a kid was just before I saw anyone else doing it.

And then you get to watch the old stuff that was fucking amazing. Him on Parkinson's. What? Him on Parkinson's? Parkinson. Him. Oh, dear. He does have Parkinson's, doesn't he?

Yeah. No. Oh dear. I've made myself sad. Oh dear. My Mount Rushmore is just Parkinson's sufferers. Michael J. Fox. Michael J. Fox.

Pele? No, Ali, sorry. Ali. Pele? You fucking hate Pele. Pele got Parkinson's. He's claimed all sorts of diseases that he hasn't got. And goals, cunt.

He's a fraud. Yeah, I know. You just have to prod Carl on a few things. But he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Pele, well, fuck off. So you've got... Billy Connolly is a master, isn't he? An absolute master.

Let's twist it then. Who's on your UK Rushmore? UK Rushmore. That's harder. UK Rushmore. Connolly's definitely on there. And are you talking what you think

everyone would accept? Because if you do your own personal Rushmore, you could be like, well, I personally think Nick Helm is amazing. Like,

that's not, that's not valid, is it? I think you've got to be able to argue that they are not only big to you, but that they've influenced comedy enough to be on Rushmore. Right, so Mount Rushmore is basically a side of a mountain that someone's chiseled

in what they perceive as the four greatest American presidents. So there's Lincoln, Washington, Obama, Reagan. And Reagan. Is that right? Reagan. I'm Nixon. the four what they perceive as the four greatest American presidents so there's Lincoln Washington Obama Reagan and Reagan is that right? Reagan

and Nixon Nixon's the I already mentioned doing the parking Nixon and he's taking the parking money yeah yeah

is that right? that seems right yeah Jilly Bean fucking American I'm gonna google it just so Roosevelt

FDR Do you reckon they'll ever like change it? Do you reckon they'll ever Not Teddy Roosevelt Franklin Roosevelt Washington

Lincoln and Jefferson Oh no it is Teddy Roosevelt Thomas Jefferson's coming home Oh Oh Oh

Oh here we go Oh Thomas Jefferson where do you know that from Adam? Fucking tell me Tell me where you know it from Is Hamilton on the wall? No he's not Wasn't president

Yeah he wasn't president He was the fourth American president Or was he? No he fucking wasn't They fucking built a mountain in it Do you reckon they'll ever change it? Do you reckon they'll ever like

Turn one of them into Obama or something? No Nope Can I just say It looks like Do you reckon they'll ever change it? Do you reckon they'll ever like turn one of them into Obama or something? No. Nope. Can I just say, it looks like Lincoln's like on his own and then the three are like a deformed, you know, like the- That's Tom Selleck.

You just made me stop for a minute. I'm going to ask, that's Tom fucking Selleck in the middle, isn't it? Thomas Jefferson. No, the one on the right is definitely Lincoln. Yeah. The one on the left is textbook George Washington. Yeah, but the one like third...

That's Tom Selleck. That's Tom Selleck. That's Tom Selleck dressed as Dracula. No, not Dracula, Frankenstein. And who's that in the middle? Modric. That's Luka Modric. And Luka Modric.

The Americans are like, fuck Jefferson. Luka Modric has done such a great job in midfield. Won the Ballon d'Or? He did, didn't he? He won the Ballon d'Or. Who the fuck is a borderline defensive midfielder and wins the Ballon d'Or at 32?

Good on her. Good on you. Right, so George Washington, Luka Modric, Tom Selleck, and Abraham Lincoln. Walking to a par. So who's on? Who's?

You can't unsee it. George Washington looks like he's just found out he's pissed off he's next to Luke Mondridge and Tom Selleck well Washington's a massive

Barcelona fan haven't it right so Connolly's there who's going here Dan British comic nah this is gonna get fucking hounded

but I Billy Connolly I don't think anyone predates Billy Connolly in terms of stand up we're not talking the history of all comedy are we? We're just talking stand up so I think Connolly's the starting point

Victoria Wood? Yeah maybe yeah I don't know I never loved she was great wasn't she but can't do it I don't know. I never loved... She was great, wasn't she? Can't do it. I won't do it. Yeah.

She was like the only... I don't know. She wasn't. Amazing. Has COVID made you more retarded? I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. Can't live on an island between Wales and Ireland.

I can't do it. Can't find the quilt. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, now we're talking. Now we're talking. Is Tommy Cooper. Where's Les Dawson? Because Les Dawson.

Where's Les Dawson? Where is he? He's with me right now. the ghost of les dawson when he opens the piano that's fucking how does he play it not even a piano does. John. So, hang on. Who's on the Mount Rushmore British stand-up? Billy Connolly.

Tommy Cooper. Tommy Cooper. Sergio Busquets. Where's Peter Kay? Is he up there? He might. He's up there, but he's being defaced. Yeah.

By one or the other. Billy Connolly's leant over and wrote cunt right on his forehead. I mean, Peter Kay has to be there. He has to be. Lee Evans? Oh, I don't know. I don't know. I know he's so loved.

It's a pure stand-up, don't you? I know he's so loved, but I just don't think it was great stand-up. I know he was brilliant, he was popular, and he had tour after tour

after tour, but I just don't think it was brilliant stand-up. And I know that'll piss people off because they love him but Dave Allen Irish isn't he

doesn't really count what about some of the newer who would you consider like Stuart Lee the era that we're in now like the last 20 years sort of

is anyone it'd take them fucking three and a half fucking decades to finish his face wouldn't it? Hey, because his jokes take a while. Nailed it.

Adam Rowe, ladies and gents, he's going to be taking the money for parking very soon at the UK stand-up Mount Rushmore. I think it'd be British, it'd be Connolly, Victoria Wood, Peter Kay. I think Peter Kay's lucky to be up there. No, but in terms of like not even just straight stand up

so here's the problem there's two eras of stand up here that we're sort of merging into each other there's the original mainstream stand up that the alternative

scene sort of was a sort of like reaction to I almost feel like you'd have to have like a mate I don't know you're getting in the weeds

a bit aren't you but if you're talking alternative stand-up Billy Connolly could be there if you took there's people who'd argue for Alexi Sale yeah

like for what he did for alternative comedy the first campaign of the store and stuff I think he's B-side he's on the back he's on the back of the mountain

oh yeah yeah yeah you see him round the back doesn't get the sun eh eh erm ever mention that on this podcast Have you seen round the back? Doesn't get the sun. Eh? Eh? Ever mention that on this podcast? No, I meant... What, the thing that...

In the sky? Never! Don't even look at it! Especially not without fucking sunglasses. Yeah, that was good, that. Yeah. Hey, Carl. Yeah?

Great, that, mate. Do you like that question? Yeah. I mean, someone... Several people have written it in, but I love it how you've gone. I'll good, that. Yeah. Hey, Carl. Yeah? Great, that, mate. Do you like that question? Yeah. I mean, someone, several people have written it in, but I love it how you've gone. I'll genuinely have to. I made it better by making it UK,

but that's what we're here for. You come with ideas, and I make them palatable. Yes. Next question. What about a women's Mount Rushmore? A women's Mount Rushmore? No, genuinely,

if you were... Jane MacDonald. Oh, she's great on Loose Women. Yeah. Jane Macdonald. Oh, do you mean comedians? Right, yeah. I thought you just meant the best women.

Oh, the best women. Jane Macdonald. Angela Merkel. Gail Platt off Coddy. Modric. Just get Modric to stand in again. I'm not doing it for Modric Oh god I don't know

I like Joan Rivers Definitely Joan Rivers is up there She has to be I fucking love some of Amy Schumer's comedy I don't I love some of Amy Schumer's comedy She likes talking about her vagina a lot doesn't she

Oh I know But that's the thing that everyone points at. That's almost like the hack response to... That's almost like the hack thing to say about women comedy, isn't it? Absolutely, yeah. Women comedians. She leans into it a lot. Ali Wong's fucking great as well. Yeah, I haven't really watched much of her.

No opinion on women. It's amazing watching someone pregnant do two fucking Netflix specials while quite heavily pregnant I just watch my wife be amazing I'm just going to speak out loud there

talk and I is it any harder though? men will never know, do you know what I mean? we'll never know how hard it is to stand up pregnant it might be easier having another person in there, you're sharing their thoughts with them. It might make you quicker. It might give you ideas.

Exactly. Sorry, what? Talk about... Your unborn fetus is inside going, Adam, have you thought about doing that other joke? Third joke in. Thanks, fetus. Anyway.

Yeah. Right. Like, not articulating a particular word, but, like, just, like, a feeling. You might justus. Anyway. Yeah. Like, not articulate in a particular way, but, like, just, like, a feeling. You might just be inspired by your baby. It might be easier to do stand-up while heavily pregnant. So don't give it any credit without, like, looking into it. Don't give it any credit.

You know what I mean? Like, all I'm saying is, she's done two specials like that. So if it was that hard, wouldn't you just not do the second special while you've... I mean, I'm going to do's done two specials like that so if it was that hard wouldn't you just not do the second special while you've I mean I'm going to do the next section

after a KFC and I'm not sure how that's going to go but pregnancy seems like a fucking doddle sorry what was that what should I close on thank you

have you ever noticed what it's like to be in a womb a uterus next question I don't understand why I think I just started

saying words is Finn gone to get the KFC oh yeah there goes my hero one more question yeah

okay who is your favourite villain ooh so that could be like film TV book

just villain not real film or TV not real villain like don't say like Ian Brady fictional fictional villain

yeah who's your favourite bad guy yeah yeah not just like murderer of women and children

no no that'd be that wouldn't be funny it does well on other podcasts though does yeah

top five who's your Mount Rushmore of women killers no It does well on other podcasts though. Does? Yeah. Top five. Who's your Mount Rushmore of women killers? No, don't answer that. That was eight. That wasn't. Order. Order.

Adam. Favorite all-time villain. What have you watched where you're like, die, die, you cunt. Dolores Umbridge in Harry Potter. Oh, she's a... Have you seen Harry Potter? The what? Which one?

Four or five? Is she four? This is four, isn't it? It's five. Five? Order of the Phoenix. Yes. She comes in and takes over Hogwarts and she's there.

I swear to God. Right? I swear to God. Did it impress you again? Pink handbag. Yeah. I visualised it you nailed it I would happily

happily if I'd seen that actress in the streets right kicking in the face what's her name because she's an absolute she's like a national treasure

of British theatre and film I'd actually break me real if I had a machine gun I'd shoot it in the face I'd break me no machine guns for faces, really.

Mochra. Dolores Umbridge is played by Imelda Staunton. Imelda Staunton. Oh, do you know what? Etta has got a fucking Gruffalo audio CD that Imelda Staunton narrates. She fucking murders it. Shit. Really bad. And I've seen Imelda Staunton narrates, you know, she fucking murders it. Shit.

Really bad. And I've seen a Melda Staunton in loads. Right. But, mate, I'd be supportive. I'm sure she's lovely, but I wouldn't be able to get past. If I was walking down Oxford Street in London and she was walking down, something would just kick in,

and I'd just be like, and I'd fly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You'd uppercut yeah 62 year old actress Imelda Staunton I'd

I'd yeah and when she was and when she was down I'd give her a fucking boot in the ribs and that's for the fucking Gruffalo CD

that I don't want to listen to in the car yeah she's 65 she's 65 no she's retired so that's not my favourite villain

Harry Potter 5 she is a good like to be a good villain is to have that reaction from people. Yeah, but there's also some villains that I quite like and I end up understanding. Go on. Like, I sort of understand Heath Ledger's Joker. You meant to.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you relate to him and you're like, yeah, burn the whole fucking thing to the ground. No, but he's... Yeah. But he's almost like... He's... He is the bad guy. He's to the ground. No, but he's, yeah, but he's almost like, he's, he is the bad guy.

He's absolutely the villain, but he's, he's a legendary villain because it was such an amazing performance and the Joker is always sort of likeable, isn't he? Because he's sort of mentally unstable

and he's funny and then he's scary. The anti-hero, isn't he? Essentially. Yeah, right. Yeah. It's a weird, God, fucking Heath Ledger's scary. He's the anti-hero, isn't he? Essentially. Yeah, right. Yeah.

It's a weird one. God fucking Heath Ledger's joke. But Joaquin Phoenix was also unbelievable at that job. Yeah. Like, phenomenal. But I don't relate to him in the same way. No.

That's quite sad, that one, isn't it? Yeah. I suppose there's the villain where you're like, I just want you to die. I remember watching Game of Thrones with Joffrey. Oh,

yeah. Is it the kid? Yeah, Joffrey. Oh, yeah. Is it the kid? Yeah, Joffrey. When he got, spoiler alert, poisoned, it was the weirdest thing where you're like, because by the time you get to series three of Game of Thrones, you know that people get murked, and you're like, oh, you almost get this longing,

like, please kill this cunt. I hate him. I really hate him. And then towards the end of that season, they murk him, and you're like, and he's a child he's about 14 as he's dying

you're literally in your living room going get the fuck in he's dead loved it Gustavo Fring that's literally coming out of my mouth

one of the best villains Breaking Bad Chicken Guy oh he's fucking amazing at being the bad guy isn't he yeah he's also in

I often he's also a bad guy in The Mandalorian that guy and he's annoying in that I often... He's also a bad guy in The Mandalorian, that guy, and he's annoying in that. I often relate to the villains more than I do the heroes. Shock.

You blow me away. Is that what I mean? Yeah, I do. Is that what I mean? Imagine. Would you agree that it is very hard to podcast

when you know there's a KFC in the room? Honestly, I'm waiting for you to press the button before I can start. What's happening, guys? It's sponsor time, as always. And this week, it's parcelstation.co.uk. If you work for or run a company

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an orange juice bit fire we've been pricking around with microphones for a couple of minutes. And as you realise... Ready to go. Got some orange juice banter coming. Bit of OG chat. OJ? OJ. Like orange juice? You know what I mean? Orange whole James Simpson. I like an orange juice, you know?

Yeah, do you? Add a bit of it. Well, I've been sick. Right. Been drinking a lot of sugary liquids To keep any source of calories in my body Oh god yeah you've got to Diode of lights

I had a few diode of lights After every squirty poo Apparently you meant to have one But that would have been too much diode of light How much squirty poo has to come out Before you have one though Rob Ball Holland's here He brought orange juice How much squirty poo has to come out before you have one, though? Rob Ball Holland's here!

He brought orange juice. I don't know what constitutes a poo, by definition, and what's the remainder of the last poo. And what if you get one of those where it's like... He's back, ladies and gents. He's back. Do you have any of those where it's like foam? You know, it's really bad and you're like just shit frog spawn. No. Shut up. I don't know, it's really bad and you're like just shit frog spawn. No.

I don't know if that's a COVID symptom or just a bad diet thing. Do you know like... You're aero shit. Do you know like... What's the consistency? Do you know... Like a curry sauce from the chippy that you've let go solid and then you've re-warmed up

and it's got a bit of a skin yeah there's a thin bit that's what it's been like Jesus you know what I did Dan let me just wash this chitter chatter down

with this refreshing beverage it's lovely to see you thanks for coming in at such short notice as well you had an old Rona mate we've had new Rona yeah I had Rona Mark 1

back in the day when we didn't even know what it was no medical expert tell you for defo it was Rona you were like I was really tired

for a week in April yeah I had a comedian who used to be a doctor tell me he thought it was Rona that was the best we could do back then we didn't have tests

you could shove down your dick he had to stop YouTubing for five days i remembered i was like rob's at it rob's at it yeah has he been told by a doctor no no i'm guessing he has been told by a colleague yeah the medical training but like it would have been weird who was it uh paul sinner right so like he's smart as well he's like you know he's proper but he'd like you know it was at that point there weren't tests and Ali

Michael J Fox Rob that just seems like I'm being a total prick about Parkinson's it absolutely does but it is a callback to us talking about Parkinson's

Billy Connolly being a prick previously but I was being a prick yeah Connolly, Sinner Michael J Fox oh yeah one of them

it's elite to be fair it is elite group. Yeah. But yeah, like, there weren't, you know, that was the best way we could do it back then. There weren't tests. And, like, it would have been weird if I got wheezy and tired at the start of a pandemic,

you know, and it wasn't it. Yeah. Chances are you, yeah, yeah, yeah. Chances are. Odds are, but, you know, I can't be certain. But I'm pretty sure I did. You and I gigged, you were the last gig I did before the Roams.

Yeah, I think I probably got it there. And we were like, eh? Yeah. In Leeds at that shit club. I think it's Prism, but I think I got it the week before, right? Because the week before, you know, it takes like two weeks to come on, I think of it. I don't know.

I'm not a scientist. Don't fucking quote me on that. Oh, I got it from you then. No, you got it from him. Or him. Or someone. This is way back We're talking like last March

Don't get out of breath Accusing people of giving you Rona I got it Two seconds Two seconds But yeah It was when we were gigging When it was definitely not okay

To be gigging Like me and Dan Were in the dressing room Like oh this is not We shouldn't be here So you have to starve But you were the first person I ever did the elbow to

Yeah we were little elbows. We'll do this, that'll protect us. This feels fun and it got boring quick. Yeah. But like the week before that I'd been in Leeds and it was before anyone knew what the advice was. And I got home from a gig where I'd shaken maybe 200 people's hands. Got home to, don't shake people's hands.

I was like, oh. Were you doing the door that night, yeah? I was in the cloakroom, mate, taking jesus rob you ripped that gig didn't you long walk to the fucking dressing room on that one touch me touch me no like because i like in pre corona times i would i go to the back of a room when i get email signups like um so i would just chat to people on the way out so i'm just meeting. There was loads of stag do's and that. I'm like fucking high-fiving people. And I get home.

On the way home on the radio, it was like, the latest advice is don't shake hands. I was like, oh shit. But you came in there, and we're not fucking, obviously, he's had the rona,

I had the rona before, and Finn's still dying. You came in and we didn't shake hands or anything. It almost feels like, it's weird not to do any gesture what i've noticed recently is we've going to just the fist bump yeah this one has become very standard we're just going to it because even though it's probably not a good idea to fist bump feels like you just be like right and then sitting down yeah it's weird

i was kicking people's feet for a while just to do summit. Just like kid and play. Oh, fuck it. Oh, did they do that in Japan, did they? Got to bring that. I don't know. I'm just saying. Just saying we should start bowing. Rob.

Rob. He's had a bit of a rib in today. So that's reaction. When you were like, oh, I'll go in on Carl. Carl's like, fuck off. This is so fun. We'll bow when you come in for Japan for you. And now you, it's a silly thing. On the way out, we'll just go, ow! That's a goodbye. We'll bow when you come in for Japan for you and

now you it's a silly thing on the way out we'll just go ow that's a goodbye ow Adam doesn't know

the difference between American Italians and Italians he's like if you're born in Rome ow I'm fucking in Rome here ow my mama come on

now I'm going to Jordan for a gabagool Cos Bowen's Japanese we could backflip instead. Could we? Who do you think can backflip in this fucking room? We could all backflip. You cannot backflip. I can.

You can? I can. I don't backflip. I need a lot of space. Not in here. A lot of space. When was the last time this happened? Last time I backflipped?

Six weeks ago. You thought you were doing well? Yeah. What are we talking we're talking like a handspring or straight just from the ground you jump have you seen loo-ah-loo-ah

Rob you need this grab it grab it and bang it thank you there you go kid there you go satisfying isn't it

it is yeah sorry I went lefty there I can do a standing backflip this is not true there's no way your little legs can get all the way over your head. I've never seen it.

Has he posted it on Instagram? Does this look like a man who's seen it? Do you think Adam would be like, you know, I post a lot on social media, but I'm just not going to do that standing back flip that I can do. Some things have got to be for me. I do not believe you have any skill

you have not told everyone about. I've seen him score a bicycle kick and then go into the corner and do a standing backflip. Yeah. I'm pissed. I don't know if he's landed perfectly. Sometimes he's a one foot back. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, I'm taking points off that. That's a three. Yeah. I'm just saying. I mean, like, like look we can't there's not enough room sadly in here no not enough

we can't we can't immediately after the show if only we had some sort of like mobile camera that could make like videos

and we could go outside yeah you know yeah patreon.com are you gonna do a backflip

Adam giving some spinal injuries if you want to watch Adam do a backflip it's patreon Adam giving himself spinal injuries. If you want to watch Adam do a backflip, it's patreon.com. I mean, it would be quite something to see you backflip. I am not an agile man. I'm just too many limbs, man.

You doing the crab could form quite a sturdy bridge over the Mersey. I'd be challenging the Humber. Wouldn't I, for length? Are you going the Mersey flow? I'm going the Mole Holland. I do get a pogoumber. Wouldn't I, for length? Are you going the Mersey flow? I'm going the Mole Holland. I do get a pogo stick, don't I? What? You need a pogo stick start, like a jump start.

Oh, here we go. Do you need a trampoline? Yeah, and a pogo stick. A trampoline and a pogo stick. You realise those things aren't going to help each other? Just going to penetrate the trampoline with your pogo. No, you haven't seen. Patreon.com.

For more insane things from the mind of someone who's got long COVID in his brain. They do say mental deterioration is a symptom. I'm on steroids, right? I'm on steroids for the fucking roller, and I can backflip on a pogo fuck off

I give him three weeks before he's in hospital claiming he's Napoleon in the middle of a game of 40 on a pogo stick and a trampoline I've seen him do it get a pogo stick

out your sock quite a celebration worth a yellow card I think I did have a pogo stick when I was a kid for a bit yeah

so did I in a dove pogo stick when I was a kid for a bit yeah so did I in a dovecot now this story I believe did you not have pogo sticks I'm sorry I had a pogo stick yeah

everything I've everything I've been led to believe about dovecot in the early 90s is everything that I saw in like boys I was three

I was born in 92 alright sorry the mid to late 90s god I was way I was born in 92 Alright Sorry The mid to late 90s God I was way up Way up The early 90s Dan I wasn't on a pogo stick

Until 96 You fucking knob Yeah you look a dick there Dan But you make it out like it's fucking Boys in the hood Yeah Yeah just trying to get through the noggy dogs, the crocky tocks.

Yeah, man's on road on my polo. The fucking tube root pricks. I just survived, you know? A lot of these motherfuckers were mowing each other down. Have you seen Liverpool Narcos? Look in the background. There's fucking four-year-old Adam. Have you seen the cocaine, the pills episode of Liverpool Narcos? There's a bouncing fucking four-year-old Adam. Have you seen the cocaine, the pills episode of Liverpool Narcos?

There's a bouncing fucking four-year-old in the back, just doing fucking backflips on a pogo. What? What? What? What? That's Adam. Yeah, that's how he got through.

Never got shot because he couldn't fucking get the aim. Shoot that motherfucker. I can't. He's too bouncy. You give me that 20 quid for the kettle, lad. I'll go get it. Truck dealers delivering on pogo stick. Get on.

We'll go round the block. Get on the pogo stick. With it being Liverpool, is there like shirtless lads doing it with no hands? Can you wheelie a pogo stick? I don't know if you can, but i would love to see one of the proper like you know in the scouse burka you know when it's just like all black north face like over the face onto there all blacked out pogo stick do you reckon that'll be the olympics skateboarding and that like what what you know what's the difference fundamentally between skateboarding and pogo sticking?

And jet skiing. Jet skiing? Yeah, but that's got an engine in it. You're powering the pogo yourself. Don't start him with the Olympics and engines. He's been here before, Rob. And rockets. When are planes in the Olympics?

Why can't I ride Nemesis at Al alton towers in the olympics oh right imagine i watched the bmx the other day uh yesterday they had the bmx on i'll be honest never watched it before never given a shit about it pretty fucking fun you they all go around and like bmx racing that's fun like i i'd like to sit on a pogo stick i hate the skateboarding like i'm a big fan of skateboarding I just think it's fucking lame Olympic skateboarding because for a start you've got to pass a drug test so none of the good skaters are there

like no one good's there because they'll smoke loads of weed fair enough that though innit you can't just make an exception for drugs just for the skateboard yeah but I feel like you should I definitely think weed should be exempt it's not performance enhancing is it I've said this before on this podcast,

almost certainly. They should let everyone take whatever drugs they want. That's the real Olympics. Sochi, 2014. Yeah, but not performance enhancing drugs. Only illegal drugs. So you're allowed

as much cannabis as you want. You can have whatever you want. Whatever you want. That's a genuine level playing field. You want to take Steads? Take them. Don't want to take them? Don want. That's a genuine level playing field. You want to take steds? Take them. Don't want to take them. Don't.

That's your peak physical fitness. Lane one, the Kenyan. Lane two, the Canadian. Lane three, OD. Lane four, OD. Lane five. Lane five, the cyborg. That's your risk though, isn't it?

Yeah, but the problem is if everyone's allowed to do it, you have to do it to compete, isn't it? If everyone's like roided up, it's not really a choice. If you're like, well, if you want to be in, you can be in the Olympics final and run 10 minutes slower than everyone else. There's still the fucking vanilla, you know, geeky Olympics that we've got now. Right, right, right. But just after, like the Paralympics, we've also got the wreckhead Olympics.

I'm up for that. Paralympics on drugs. Yeah. Nope. Carl. Yeah. Nope. Carl. Nope. See this hot potato?

Yeah. You can have that back. Ain't no one picking that one up. I think it's a really good idea. Don't tell me you wouldn't watch paddling pics on drugs. How would that look, Carl? I mean, that's how I watch everything. No, Rob, Rob, let the camera cut to Carl. Okay.

How would that look, Carl? Wheelchair basketball, everyone's smacked off the tits. What, that gets past them and just bounces off their face? watch that.

Smackball. That's the drugs, by the way. That's the drugs doing that, yeah. Goodbye, my friend.

It's been a nice run. Rob, thanks for being here for the last episode. glad to be here for the final one. Smackball. Wheelchair smackball.

You would watch that prime time, nine o'clock Saturday night. If you're in a smackhead, being like, having like disabled legs I think would be an advantage because then you can't feel

where you're stabbing in. You know when you like run out of veins in your arms and you've got to go elsewhere and they end up knackering the legs. If the legs are already full. They can't get in the Olympics though

yeah well no because they get drug tested or if you remove that barrier and all those smack heads who are on the streets

doing now finally they've got a purpose now they can be in the coxless force and they are quick as well some of them are

to the ATM at midnight on a Thursday imagine that for 100 metres 4 seconds that'd be really funny there's just one ATM To the ATM at midnight on a Thursday. Imagine that for 100 metres. Four seconds. That'd be really funny. There's just one ATM

and there's six of them and it's the first one to get their full gyro out. I want to see the Spice 100 metres and it takes 45 minutes. But they have to have the event at 10 to midnight. In very, very late start for the Spice Olympics. Gyro comes in at midnight.

We've got to make it all the way around the Burger King and back to the big Primark. So nervous. The tension is so rough. We could have done Smackhead Olympics without the first bit. We've ended up where we needed to be yeah we got there but we went a dangerous route oh yeah we took a rocky road yeah i genuinely think let everyone do do whatever they want but they fucking are anyway there should be several olympics in my house

right so you got the drugs whatever you want that one yeah and you've got the one that they have at the minute like the regular don't do drugs. Regular Olympics. Yeah, and we're going to start testing you properly. The boring Olympics. And then the next one down is just us. So if you've ever competed or shown any interest, you're not eligible.

And there's another Olympics where they literally just go around the street and they go, right, you, you're done. It's like the draft. Yeah, they just get people off the street and they're just like right you're doing javelin you're doing shot putt carl you're doing fingers crossed you get gymnastics just random cunt olympics yeah i've watched that before i watched the proper one so so your selection for the olympic team is like the postcode lottery yeah right yeah yeah you don't have to even sign up.

It's not like Geordie Ducey. It's like conscription. It's just, look, we're going to Olympic war with fucking Belgium and you're doing it for us. Belgium is so good

in the Olympics as well. Neil, you've had a letter, love. You're doing discus in Tokyo. Just watching some old cunt's hip fly out as they spin round trying to throw it. What? What does it say, Margaret?

You're going. If only we could have got Captain Tom in the 1500. Oh, it would have been, he would have fucking smashed it. Gone too soon. Gone too soon. Hashtag gone way too soon. Way too soon.

153 years old. Raised 28 million pounds For charity for just not dying Then went to the fucking Barbados To bang hookers Yeah but can you fucking blame the lad I hope he fucking had loads of hookers Good on him I hope that's how he went

I hope he drowned in pussy He deserved it Is that on his death certificate Drowning pussy I hope he drowned in pussy. He deserved it. Is that the cause of death? Drown in pussy. If you drown, do they put... Couldn't breathe for all the pussy. I don't know if they put what suffocated you.

I think they just put suffocation. I don't think they put like ball gag went wrong. You haven't put what suffocated me. Was it a pillow or pussy? Pussy was it? Drowned in debt. Or dick. You know, if Captain Tom was into that,

I don't know. I don't want to cast aspersions on Captain Tom's sexuality. You know, whatever he was into, he deserved. Did he put pillow? Drowned in pillow? Yeah. I don't think you drown in a pillow, though, do you? You're mad at that.

Unless you've got like a 70s water bed. Unless your wife is writing The death certificate He drowned in a pillow Honestly and I said You shouldn't get these 14 tog pillows Because they're quite heavy And he insisted on them

And I don't know how I got these scratch marks Oh she killed him What? I get it Just edit this out Just want to make sure you know What I was insinuating is that she killed him What? I get it. Just edit this out. Just so, but just, just want to make sure,

you know, what I was insinuating is that she killed him. Oh, with a pillow. 14, Tog. Do they not?

So if you just, like if you drown, do they just say drowned? They don't say like drowned in the sink or at sea? I mean, I definitely don't think

they put drowned in the sink ever. I don't think that's ever happened. How does that happen? An adult. Let's not do the... A tragic apple bobbing incident. Fucking, you trash. How am I working class with that?

Let's do some apple bobbing. Outside. No! It's raining. Or it's in the kitchen. The saddest children's party ever. I feel like I've definitely bobbed for apples in more than one sink

like is that is that council is that like yeah we used to do that yeah we used to do yeah but your council

is fucked you're not helping my course in the bath yeah it was difficult going the pogo but still fucking made it work

just go on Adam yeah we used to do it. My mum used to put like a quid and a 50p and a 10p in the apples and they were in a bucket and then... I don't think we had coins in the apples. I think our treat was a delicious apple. You can take this one. You have been on some fucking unbelievable form today.

Your mum got the fruit and jammed coins into the middle. Not a quid as well. Yeah. You could push a penny in or a two. No. A quid's too fat to push into an apple. Not for Anne Rowe, mate. No.

It used to be. She inserted a hole into the side of the apple and then jammed a 50p in there. She used to get £10 worth of change. She used to get me to go to the ice cream man and get £10 worth of different change. And then she'd put it, that 10 quid was in the whole bowl. And then me and me mates would compete

for the 10 quid on Halloween. Yeah. In the kitchen, in the... Just in a, it was the same bucket. It wasn't in the sink. No, it was in a big... It was in the plastic sink bucket. Yeah.

The washing up tub. The inside sink. Would you end up in hospital because you'd all choked on points? No. No, you just eat your points. You just bite in the apple and then you get your apple, and you're like, what?

Double-edged sword this, because he's had one of his five a day, but he's eaten my fucking two-pound coin. It's difficult being a mum, isn't it? You want him to eat fruit, but not your fucking change. Yeah. My mum was gutted one year as well, because obviously she always wanted me or Jack to win. There was one with a two-pound coin in it, so she always wanted me or Jack to win. Like, there was one with a £2 coin in it,

so she always wanted me or Jack to win that, and one of my mates won it, and she was like, I'm burning, it's got to be £2. When did the £2 coin come in? I feel it wasn't around that long, was it? In Liverpool, 1983. Yeah, lad, and there's a £3 coin, and there's a £4.50 coin.

Fucking knobheads. What do you mean? It's legal, Tansy! Off he pogos. With his weird bag of magic coins. That's why Adam's wheezing. It's just like 16p rattling around in his lungs. What I've just said, by way is 100% true No it's not

You're in a silly mood It's long Covid It's made you more ridiculous There's no way she put a tenner in There's no way it was a tenner Honestly I want to get a Ouija board out What the fuck was that? What was that?

Swear on your Covid? I swear on my Rona I think that was like what you say when you're going to murder someone in Colombian prison. Swear on my Pogo. Like, I believe that she pushed some coins into it. She'd put a tenner in every year. Why would you do a tenner for kids?

Just put 5p in, they'll be delighted. She was a very generous woman. Because they were hustling. By the way, can Harry Robinson make the Pogo stick? Just in case you forgot. He didn't't they're already making a t-shirt boys on the pogo i did one pogo in the hood we'll work we'll work on that i used to do like i used to go to like you center where we'd do like apple bobbing and all that remember on halloween right like what was in the apples nothing just

you got an apple I never thought I thought it was always just an apple yeah you just win an apple money in it no no

international rules it's bobbing for apples yeah it's not bobbing for apples and pocket money exactly if you bob if you bob

let it hang that fucking joke. I've never known a client. In Nesbury, you went down to the youth centre to bob for apples. Go down to youth centre, but after the album opening. Rob grew up in late Victorian Nesbury. I remember that. Robbing for apples. They brought out hot dogs.

They were like, how many hot dogs does everyone want and like one of the like the big hard lad off my estate was like i want four they were like you can't eat four hot dogs because we're like you know we're like nine we're little yeah it's like you can't eat four hot dogs it's like better fucking can right and he's like giving it big licks and because i was like the skinny like weak like that was the proper little pussy on the estate they were like yeah Rob I bet you a fiver I could eat all four because I was like you're not eating

four hot dogs I bet you a fiver you can and that was like big money for me then I did not have a fiver I was like was he a big the big bully

what was his name do you remember like Laskal I think this was I think the problem is there's one of like

three lads it might have been I think this might have been Tippy like shout out Tippy if been Tippy shout out Tippy if you're watching shout out Tippy we're sponsored a new sponsor today

I think it might have been but like there's a few people it could have been it's a long time ago but it's sort of like I was press ganged

into this bet that I didn't want and then after two hot dogs he threw up and then he didn't pay me so either Tippy or maybe Danny

maybe one a year maybe Craig it's one a year, maybe Craig. It's one a year. I was being a fiver. Sponsored by Craig. Yeah. You can't eat two hot dogs. I know, two hot dogs.

It was fucking pathetic. Even a nine-year-old, you've got to be able to get two down, isn't it? They used to sell hot dogs in our school. Oh, I used to love Mr. Rogers' shows.

Mr. Rogers, hot dog 50 pence each, two for a pound. Great line. What? Did you go to school on a fucking market store? Gaslighter, two for a pound great line what did you go to school on a fucking market gaslighter

six for a pound what did you get your hot dogs in a paper bag they were 50 pence each or two for a pound and he did he actually did a call out

for it yeah he stood there so he was the deputy head and he stood next to the poor little shaking like a shitting dog dinner lady

Scott's mum yeah Scott's mum she's been hurt before they're fucking animals I'm shitting dog dinner lady Scott's mum yeah Scott's mum that's why I got called she's been hurt before those fucking animals are not doing it yeah so Scott's mum sold the hot dogs

he was literally stood there he had a bottle of tomato sauce in one hand and a bottle of brown sauce in the other he's not lying who's putting brown sauce on a nut dog

well it was sausages on a bar it wasn't like brat first it was just sausages and so that wasn't enough he decided

that he needed to do like a meat van advertisement what are you getting in this fucking bun you're not just getting one bit of meat you're getting red sauce

you're getting brown sauce did he have one of those microphones that goes over your ear no he just had a booming voice yeah he was and you'd go over

and that was the joke sometimes for two quid you'd get four hot like and that was the joke sometimes for two quid you'd get four hot dogs but was that a joke that he did I assume yeah it was a maths joke

oh it was a maths joke yeah it wasn't just like because you can get two for a pound even without that offer just pause this so I can explain it to each other go on

so they're 50p each but then yeah that's this money times ten yeah but usually with 2 for a it's like a reduced fee

because you're getting more yeah but 250p makes £1 yep and you're getting 2 alright press go go on we go again

good luck yeah yeah but yeah sometimes I'd get 4 why were they encouraging kids to eat hot dogs I know it was pre Jamie Oliver

but still they must have known it wasn't pre Jamie Oliver I didn't go to school with him alright not pre JamieJamie Oliver existing. You know what I mean? Like,

you know, the Jamie Oliver campaign. Rob, you've got to get when he went to school very right. Apparently fucking so. Was I in school

in 1994? I went to school in 1996. Rob. Fucking pogo nonce. Scott's my heart. How many could you eat in a row? Sausages. Not in the barn.

That's ridiculous. Was he eating hot dogs with the bread? Yeah. He's a fucking idiot. You take that every day. Oh, no, that's easiest. Oh, yeah. Mate, you're talking to the two-time

Manchester hot dog eating champion. No. What? I won two hot dog eating competitions in Manchester. I'll be waiting until ten minutes into the hot dog. What have you been waiting for? I've been sitting on this. I'll hold on to this for later.

Ending the podcast. By the way. Oh, yeah. Tell me a thing about hot dogs. I'm quite the hot dog man myself. ending the podcast by the way oh yeah so let's think about hot dogs I'm going to Tokyo on Tuesday to represent

Great Britain yeah you know Rob Lolland's actually a stage name my real name's Joey Chestnut is this real no this is real

I won a lot at the at the Deaf Institute in Manchester I used to go watch the Superbowl every year and they would run hot dog eating championship

at the Superbowl party at half they would run hot dog eating championship at the Super Bowl party. Half time. Half time, and I won it two years running, because I'm fucking deadly when I get eaten. How many did you eat? It was only like two minutes. I ate six. With the bread?

Yeah. What size are we talking? Sort of like? Yeah, proper hot dogs like that. The technique, right? Because I'd watched the documentary about the competitive eaters, so I knew the technique. What you do is you whip out two sausages right you get them out two sausages out of the bun just the sausage then you go

full bugs bunny you put them together and you go and you like chew them so you don't have to chew it anymore so you push them in chewing like that and then swallow then get your buns you dunk them in a pint of water and just shove it in and swallow it's horrible but like I oh my god I was so far ahead of everyone

I think the people behind me had like one they'd be like eating it like and you dad soup

but this is this is ten to two in the morning isn't it this is late on everyone's a bit pissed and everyone's like I can't eat it I'll's a bit pissed. Yeah. And everyone's like, I can't eat it.

I'll have a hot dog. That'd be nice. And you've got technique. And I went full on like, yeah, yeah. I didn't come to play. So you ate six hot dogs. In like, yeah.

You'd not chewed them properly. So you've basically got about three feet of hot dog meat sliced up slightly and swallowed. Three feet? Well, I mean.

Yeah, yeah. When you put those sausages end to end, you'll get about that, yeah. They're about half a foot of sausage, innit? Half a foot? Do you know how big half a...

What? Six inches? No way! A six inch sausage? I've seen a six inch sausage in me time. I actually think my math was pretty good on that.

I think that was pretty good. You might be a bit under it, but like, you know, you're there or thereabouts. But the wet bun. Yeah, the wet buns are it. You've made bread more difficult to digest almost.

Maybe to digest, but it's much easier to swallow because it's not dry. So you can just hammer it down. Did you do at school the Jacob's cream cracker challenge? Yeah. How many you can eat in a row without a glass of water. Yeah, it's madness how few it is. The world record is like six or something in a minute

because it's so hard. I don't know what it is exactly. Because it's so fucking dry. Yeah, it just takes all the moisture out of your mouth. That's one of those things, isn't it, that I hear and I'm like, I feel like I could do 25. Yeah, yeah. In a minute.

Like, easily though. Yeah. It just seems like whoever's had a go wasn't the best at it and the people who are meant to do that thing haven't heard about it yet. I mean, they literally are the best at it because they're in the

Guinness Book of Records yeah but that's only because no one else has tried I think quite a few people have had a bash now what Adam means is I am so great

I am so great I like crackers so I think we're organically we're organically finding a bit of a patron special here aren't we

the backflip cream cracker special the challenges we've the the backflip cream cracker special the challenges we've got a backflip and I'll buy a pogo to see this knobhead fall off one what do you think

you could be in the Guinness Book of Records for ooh that's a good one I could eat more watsuts than anyone else right how are we measuring this though is it

it freaks me out how he doesn't have to think about this I know that was just there ready to go wasn wasn't it? Carl, I've said this to you before a few times on, like, drives. I am the what's it king.

Brand, only brand. Brand what's it? How many do you think you could do? Packs or individual what's it? Packs. Packs in five minutes. 25 gram packs. Are they 25 gram?

About that? I could do a full 24 multi-pack in five minutes. No, you couldn't. You've got a one pack in as minutes. 25 gram packs. Are they 25 gram? I could do a full 24 multi-pack in five minutes. No, you couldn't. You've got a one pack in as well. They're staying in, you're getting a multi-pack presented to you. Does that include opening

or are they pre-opened? I'd say with opening, yeah. How much saliva do you think you produce? You're just like, I've just got the moistest mouth in the world. Is this without...

I'm like a horny Doberman, especially when there's watsits involved. Without a glass of water, this is just how many- Without a glass of water. 24 bags of water. Can someone do the maths on that, please?

It's insane. The Jacob's Cream Cracker Challenge is the fact that they're so weirdly fucking flaky and dry, by the third one, you like yeah like and you just can't swallow that's a packet of watsits every 12 and a half seconds an entire packet patreon.com slash have a word pod i'm buying a pogo i'm buying some watsits some crackers and we're gonna get robbed to backflip 10 minutes i could do it on the pogo stick dan what do you think

you'd be able to do to get into the what am I what am I particularly fucking good at not I genuinely don't know that there's any

major skill that I'm amazing at for not having got the confidence in eating that he has the way he just went what's it

without even fucking blinking so the world record for eating a pack of what's it's is held by a Ber So, the world record for eating a pack of Watsits is held by a Birkin head man. Oh, yes. Ben ate a pack of Watsits in 33 seconds.

Right, and you're reckoning you could do 24 at an average of 12 seconds a pack? I'm telling you right now, without any, without blinking, I could beat that. Have we got any Watsits in the studio? One packet of Watsits. Oh, come on. Please have a packet of Watsits?

Oh, come on. Please have a packet of Watsits. Oh, we haven't, you know. Oh, devastating. Here's a packet of Quavers, I'll do them instead. All right, we'll do a test run with Quavers. It's not the same thing, but you know, it's... Oh, fuck it. Quavers? Yeah.

Like that? Right, hold on, I'll get my stopwatch on. I think tolerance for drugs back in the day day I could have put in some PB. But I'm 40 now, I'm like a retired professional. Back in my mid-twenties, I could have been selected for England. I believe you, man. I believe you. The European Championships are in Ibiza every year. Sorry for the audio.

England would fucking smash that, by the way, if it was tolerance for drugs as a competition. We used to chat... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, sweet child of mine. We used to get munted and challenge each other to go and do things. Let's go to the shop. For the audio listeners, just go to YouTube now,

just for this. Yeah. Okay? So I can crush them? Right, we're going to have two independent timers. So what's the record for the what's it? 33 seconds for the first drink away from him. All right, go on.

I won't touch it until I'm done. All right, all right. But I'll need it When I'm done won't I Yeah but you've got to Swallow the first one So you've got to Clean your mouth

Before we get any of that Okay Alright I'll start the timer And you can all follow Right you count down Right you ready Adam Yeah

What's the record Sorry 33 seconds This could be a new Guinness For what's it's What's it's 33 But Quavers

We don't know if there is one Don't know This is a present Ready 3 2 1 Go Yeah, Watts is 33, but Quaver's... We don't know if there is one. Don't know. This is a present. Ready? Three, two, one, go. He started with a crushing technique. Three seconds of crushing.

I'll be honest, he's on seven seconds. He's not even had a Quaver. Right. Okay. Right. Here he goes. It's not going to matter. It's not going to matter.

He lost confidence. Immediately. In 12 seconds. He put the first bit of quaver in his mouth and he's like I would shit a fucking 24 multi-pack of Watsit.

Bear in mind Adam. Come on Adam. Come on. Keep going. You're in the race still. On your record Adam you'd have already had nearly three bags of Watsit.

No laughing's slowing you down mate. Don't laugh. Don't laugh. I know it's a comedy podcast. I could have done this if I went for him. Oh yeah.

Oh yeah nearly. You're fucking well. He's knobbed you. You've lost the Watsit time anyway. Oh God. it's a comedy podcast. I could have done this if I went for him. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, nearly. You're fucking well. He's not. You've lost the what's-it-time anyway. Oh, God. It's a different discipline. This is. From 42 seconds.

You're not even trying, Adam. Stop looking at me and focus. Look in the back. That's your future. Eat. You're a fucking disappointment. If you're a Chinese quaver athlete, you'd be shot. Ready?

Come on. Dan's turned into one of these team gb coaches who's been bullying all the rowers right we need it's not done well he's done fucking shit you've done well i've done well he's not finished yeah finish he's not fucking finished gonna be a sub 90 seconds though pb right one minute 11 yeah now i think we need me left it. We need a performance-enhancing substance like a hangover, and I reckon you could slash that down. Now, this is a category where weed is a performance-enhancing drug. It very much helps me in the hot dog eating.

You know, like, that is a category where... Oh, were you stoned? Of course I was. I do everything stoned. You smoking the marijuana joints. I was, yeah. Don't drug test that hot dog eating contest. Well, we've got another bit of a space cadet here in the studio. I was, yeah. They're not drug test at hot dog eating contest. Well, we've got another bit of a space cadet here in the studio.

Oh, my God. Finley Funk lettuce, they call him by his. What do they call him? Finley Funk lettuce. Finley Funk lettuce. That's his rapper name. First bit of merch for Finn. Old Doob central over there

yeah it's harder than I thought that was going to be there's more quavers in a packet than I remember do you think a pogo would have helped the digestion I think that's where you were going wrong

yeah that's it he needs his stick bounce it down he'd have worked it down yeah I don't reckon I reckon with a bit of training bit of training

yeah literally just about to go on a month long set meal diet but I'm going to put that to one side Sam because

I need to quaver train you know what's awful the whole time we were like what do you think you might break a world record

literally the only thing I can think is I might produce the most jizz in the world okay get you get you

30 seconds. I don't know how we're going to... Did you make a lot of cum, yeah? A lot, like... He's been spending too much time with Dr. Canary. To the extent that no one I've slept with

hasn't commented on it. Really? Yeah, yeah. They always see it you are loved they either see or feel it drowned by Rob's

jizz we didn't break up because we've had this conversation on here before right like how much so

like a 500ml bottle of Evian empty I don't think I'm quite a filly 500ml he would dehydrate and die

yeah half a litre half a litre he's a big lad he's not that big is he but like right don't you come with a teaspoon

yeah well I don't I'm like way more towards a tablespoon a ladle I like you know the big spoon you serve a roast with

yeah just like I jizzed on a girl's face once, right? And I was at... She's still cleaning it off. Well, this is it, man. She was fully covered and I was still halfway gone. It was to the extent where I was like,

I just feel bad about this now. It's just... I don't think she knew what she was getting herself into. She started missing on purpose towards the end. Shouldn't you go in the... Time-wise, how long does it take for you to start on purpose towards the end. Time-wise, how long does it take for you to start and then finish coming?

About three and a half minutes. I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking. She has the same orgasm as a fucking manatee. Yeah. No, I don't think it's that much longer,

but it's a lot of individual squirts. Yeah. Nice. Yeah. So there you go, there's my world record. I don't know if I can prove it, but it's a lot of individual squirts. Yeah. Nice. Yeah. So there you go. There's my world record. I don't know if I can prove it.

And I think probably someone will beat me. Do you reckon it's about as much milk as you put in a cup of tea? More for me. I'm from Yorkshire. We don't take it milky. Right. Who's taking this one?

This is so, I mean one it's just so I mean it's just so ridiculous yeah that's 50 mil oh easy that's 50 mil oh easy

you reckon I'd have a go at it oh yeah I reckon I can do that would you shoot it afterwards give a young lady a memento for later you can take this home with you

when you fuck Romul Holland you get a lovely gift bag yeah and cystitis yeah and I've made some candles right so Adam's eating Take this home with you. When you fuck Romul Holland, you get a lovely gift bag. Yeah. And cystitis. Yeah. And I've made some candles.

Right, so Adam's eating water to the speed of light. He's jizzing mini Patron bottles. I'm trying to fill up my fucking jizz into a fucking measuring jug. Yeah. And I'm, yeah. I'm going to take loads of pills and try and go and buy

literature at Waterstones and I think I could pull it off. You're right, if you're going to need John Grisham. Conte. Yeah, famous Conte. Famous dickhead. I don't know if you've ever tried reading on pills,

but it's pretty fucking intense. Yeah, those words don't stay still, do they? I had it once where I tried to look at my phone and I just saw a big, like, pink finger looking at me, pointing where I was looking at my phone. If you're wrecked, like, pink finger looking at me, pointing where I was looking. If you're wrecked, you can't be looking on your phone. I mean, actual paperwork works.

You're like, this is great. Yeah. But I used to be dead good at that, getting absolutely bollocks and then being able to hold it together where everyone was like, oh, I'm so wrecked. I was like, I want to go to the SO garage. You were definitely good at thinking you were keeping it together.

Genuinely held it the fuck together. Me and my mate Jill used to go to the Esso garage. You were definitely good at thinking you were keeping it together. Genuinely held it the fuck together. Me and my mate Jill used to go on little missions where everyone was like, messed up. We were all right. I think I could put it together. It's got to be called Jill. You were at the top of a hill.

Yeah, we went to the top of a hill. Just after we'd had a pill. To fetch a pail of... Jizz. Rob's jizz. A pail of jizz. We were rough. No, no. I'm not filling a pail. Thisizz Rob's jizz yeah pail of jizz we were no no

I'm not filling a pail this is going to take me a while this is when we were clubbing in Newcastle and he was in Nairnsburg but it still reached is it raining? no it's not

maybe in my earlier years you know I'm in my 30s now the projectile nature of it has definitely slowed down let's stop talking about Rob's jizz alright

why am I even here? You know what I do. You know what you booked. I killed Roy Castle when it came to measurement jizz. Do you want to be a record breaker? I put an hole in the side of his van. I'm actually really interested in this. Sorry, sorry.

Like genuinely, like in the least gay way imaginable i want to see his come i want to see him come into a cup i mean like there's the adverts gone for this like the least gay way imaginable to say that is still really fucking gay yeah yeah i know but no he just wants to see what your producers want to see the actions yeah yeah i don't fair enough all right you can stay out of it then. But Studio 2 is a lovely, intimate little room. It is a nice, calm little room, actually. I don't think Freddie Quinn would be happy about its second use.

Better than the first one, eh? I've been on that podcast. It's mainly my fault. What a strange time to do an advert for piggottage. Freddie Quinn's new podcast. And soon launching is Mulholland's Jizz. When we're struggling to get guests for it. It's just going to be me.

And a fucking 500 milliliter bottle of Evian. What? What? Like the worst charity fundraiser ever. What? Up to 200 mil he's got one of those big thermometers on the side

like outside a church if we get enough we can fix the roof Pudsey's got something in his other eye oh let's not do it for children in need of all charities

for fuck's sake children don't need jizz I might do white nose day. This has been so stupid. This has been so giddy. Me and him were in a giddy mood and then one of our mates has come in

and just like added to the giddy. Where's the button for the... Oh yeah, let's have a little break. I need to breathe. He needs to breathe. What's happening guys? Ooh, look at your outfit. Shocking.

You look horrible in that. That's a shitty shirt jumper dress thing whatever that is you've got on what you need lad is a fucking t-shirt or a hoodie from have a word pod.com you want some official have a word merch go to have a word pod.com and get some then instead of wearing that fucking shite you've got on it's horrible you look a joke don't believe in the house like that you want a hoodie that says rat that's what you need lad go and get it halfwaypod.com spent a lot of that break thinking about jizz um you okay got any um things you when the doctor gave me antibiotics he told me it might cause thrush oh yeah yeah have you got thrush no okay waiting for it knob cheese have knob cheese. It's not, yeah,

it's not just the cheese though, is it? It's like, you know, you can have knob cheese and not have thrush. You just have a dirty willy. Yeah.

I have not a dirty willy though, I do wash it on a daily basis. That's one of my questions, what's your favourite cheese? Knob. Knob, yeah. If you could only eat one cheese

for whatever it would be. If anyone's saying anything other than mature cheddar, they're a fucking idiot. What about red leicester? Get the fuck, I want some flavour in my cheese, you weirdo.

Goat's cheese is my goat. Goat's cheese? Fucking fire goat's cheese. No, no. Goat's cheese is exactly who you want to be, but you're not. I love goat's cheese.

This is fucking bollocks. Yeah, you might love it, but not for everything. No, you don't love goat's cheese. You don't. I absolutely do. There's no way you would choose it on a pizza over mozzarella.

There's no way you'd have it on a toast over cheddar you're talking utter shite as usual trying to be different in your fucking

blue top and all that you're talking utter bollocks of the highest fucking order you just want to be different you're like cheddar

red leicester and mozzarella like everyone else goat cheese is an unwelcome bonus 90 of the time i know i choose it i love goat cheese it's bloody lovely last week when uh eshan was in that chair carl got away with saying a few things and there was a weird gap where it felt like no one spoke did you call yourself a polymath at one point what did you call yourself possibly yeah it's a polymath at one point? What did you call yourself? Possibly. What's a polymath? Polymath.

And everyone went, oh, no. And there was a gap. A couple of times, there was a gap. And I literally went, that's where Adam would have ripped Carl a new one. And it was really reassuring, one week later, to be sat there going, there you go. That's the exact moment. Fuck off, goat cheese, you fucking goatee numbs.

For once, I'm actually with Adam on this, though. No way, if you could only have one cheese for every goat cheese. I didn't say that. I said goat cheese, you fucking goatee numbs. For once, I'm actually with Adam on this though. No way, if you could only have one cheese- I didn't say that, I said goat cheese is fire. Hang on, what was the question you asked? You said the goat. It is the goat. It isn't, you're talking shit. It's not the best cheese.

It's just not. Cheese is subjective. It is, but this is objective. You're talking shite. Is goat's cheese the goat of cheese or are you just a bit like sort of- Do you know what I mean? No, it's not. It's called goat's cheese the goat of cheese or are you just a bit like sort of is it like it's called goat's cheese

it would just be cheese and all the other cheese would be cow's cheese we've had this conversation before fucking shite you're talking shite if you're having cheese

on toast are you crumbling up some feta no exactly I don't like feta cheese what's halloumi sheep I think

I think halloumi is sheep is it I think so yeah oh no you can't like it then fuck off you can't like it cows it's not the number one cheese

I'm not a fucking Cypriot it's not the one I'm choosing I know what you mean about like mature cheddar yeah it's like your number one cathedral city oh

but what would you put on pizza the milk sauce of halloumi is goat you can have cheddary pizza what the milk sauce of Halloumi is goat. You can have Cheddar-y pizza. What? The milk sauce of Halloumi is goat. Oh, there we go. So fuck the audience.

I do kind of like Halloumi. Oh, there's another goat cheese that you like? Yeah, but when you say goat cheese, you don't mean Halloumi, do you? Fuck off. It's all the same family. You mean crumbly white cheese. Are we falling out about cheese here, guys?

We fucking are. It's on. I'm falling out with him for pretending to be something he's not, as usual. I can't well oh well oh well oh well tell me more

tell me more what are you going for then cockhead red Leicester cheddar are you boring cunt yeah but if you can only have one forever you need the boring cheese

it needs to do every job not trying to piss you off here Rob have you ever tried Grandma Singleton's tasty Lancashire quite a kick quite a tang

Lancashire you're letting him have that Lancash? You're letting him have that? Lancashire? I know. You're letting him have that? I've got shit in my mouth. You jumped down my throat for goat, you know what I'm saying?

No, I didn't say it was the best. I just wanted to just talk about cheese I like. You said- I didn't say it was the best. Tell you what can fuck up. What I talk umbrage with is you said that goat cheese is your favourite cheese and you're lying. And I don't know who you think you're lying to

because it's not to us. What about lying cheese? We all know you're talking shit. What about lying cheese? I've never had lying cheese. Have you never lying to, because it's not to us. What about lion cheese? What about lion cheese? I've never had lion's cheese. Have you never, like, check halloumi, is that made of lion cheese? I think it's Gruyere that's lions.

I have nipples. Could you milk me, Greg? What's a polymath? Someone who's very proficient at, like, everything. Just knows a bit of everything. It was tongue-in-cheek. Yeah, no, polymath is beyond knows a bit of everything. It's, like, excellent at everything. Knows fuck all. it was tongue-in-cheek yeah no polymath is beyond knows a bit of everything it's like

excellent at everything fuck all right right right on the Lancashire cheese he's back he's back

who knew at the start of this episode he's like fuck off goat's cheese right everyone alright yeah can we stop talking about cheese

do you want me to talk about cheese one of my questions was what's your favourite cheese oh right but yeah i've never tried lancashire cheese i'm wrong i feel it's wrong but like i'm gonna get you some mate have you seen have you seen that they've started doing lancashire tea and i think it is pathetic i think

it is laughable it's like right if one thing we have cornered in yorkshire it is tea right we've done it right yorkshire tea is the best tea not from yorkshire we stole it but we put our branding on it first is yorkshire tea the best tea by a mile by an absolute get to fuck like nah like shit's gonna go down now if you keep up this line pg tips is not better than yorkshire that is fucking mental i get it i get it i get it it's a very strong regional sort of identity it pissed me off when you had yshire Broadband. Yeah, right. That era of Craig Murray paying off his mortgage. You're a bit shit, innit?

And you've just got the... It's like Liverpool. I'm sorry, what? You've got the shit on pride, haven't you? Do you want to repeat that? It's not our shit hole. It's God's old country, mate. It's fucking beautiful.

Yorkshire's gorgeous. It's the most beautiful place on earth. Rob lives in South Manchester. Yeah, I do, yeah. It's absolutely beautiful. God's own country. Fuck all gigs. Yeah, that's the problem.

Not much of a comedy circuit, but lovely walks. It's all right. It's one of those places where you need to pipe down a bit, and your tea's not that good. From a scouser. Am I getting this from a fucking scouser? But we are the best. Sure. What about if it was

that's why it's different because we're right what about if it was a scouse goat would you be impressed with the scouse goat and the scouse goat hey lad

check these fucking arms would you drink your own cheese no I've sniffed it before we all have move on

that's it that's the bottom of the barrel yeah who knew that was under the barrel if any oh god

AJ if you could lactate would you drink it oh yeah of course he could lactate give him six weeks have some sore nips he's drank lactation

in the last six months yeah but not his own I'm assuming no from his household yeah yeah i was guessing it was a home brew i didn't think he was fucking importing it let me on that man was it good i've been in the lesbian breastfeeding lane since then i'm into it porn wise not like in real life that's not a nightclub we have in chester yeah yeah yeah they meet on sunday

morning at the Methodist. Lesbian, sorry, like lesbian breastfeeding. When you say that I'm assuming it's Lesbians breastfeeding. Lesbians breastfeeding other adult lesbians. Yeah.

Sucking the milk out of each other's tits. Yeah. Okay, alright. Now that's fine concerning adults. There was just a moment where I thought it was

a bunch of short-haired women playing board games nursing children. Two hands. Fucking hell. I'm glad this isn't a goat. a bunch of short-haired women playing board games nursing children two hands fucking hell i'm glad this isn't a goat fucking hefty has anyone tried human cheese like like they must have made it someone must have made yeah yeah people cheese is it actually milk though people cheese what do you mean Is it actually milk, though? People cheese? What do you mean? Is it actually milk that comes... What do you think it is that's coming out?

Rob Rouse. It's fucking Yazoo. I think Rob Rouse has got a bit about making his wife's breast milk into a cheese. Right. Oh, it's quite bland and slightly sweet. Oh, it is sweet. So it's like a...

Make a cheesecake, then? Like a gouda. Or an emmental. His joke is, I think making fudge was going too far. Like it was just really, he times it beautifully. I did not.

Rob Rouse Legend, that's a brilliant comedian. Yeah, it's quite sweet. People also ask on Google, can a girl produce milk before marriage? Only if she's a slag. FAQs there Well

Like how frequently Is that being asked Quite frequently Well To make the FAQs It's got to be relatively frequent Hasn't it We've touched on this before

Basically when I Was breastfed by my wife And One of the people on Patreon Was like Yes Dan It's great Actually

If you induce it from your girlfriend it can happen like apparently apparently yeah you can get it out of there you can get what

out of there just milk cheese well yeah I would assume you could if a baby can suck it out like I'm an adult

man I reckon I could do it yeah but the baby's just come out of the lady so that's yeah but there's no tit in the

womb that very much depends on how brave you are lady. Yeah, but there's no tit in the womb. That very much depends on how brave you are. There's no tit in the womb. He's got two weeks off of

pent up shit. Tit in the womb. Full of steroids. Been locked in a cupboard. I'm a wizard. it's not wrong you don't know that aj gregson says if you guys could appear on any other podcast what would it be obviously excluding rogan he's excluded joe rogan all right thank you guys so much for the past

must be 18 months now love your work so if you guys could appear on any, what pods are you into? Rob, what's your thing? I think if I could go on anyone, I'd go on the guilty feminist. I think the last 48 minutes of podcasting might bar you from the... Hey, hey, hey, hey up, darling. Do you want to talk about me jizz? No, no, no. I brought the Evian bottle.

Look, you can see a little marker where i hit my target last ladies i've come to park i do feel guilty about this i did i did this on the train no one i'm not proud of it i'm feeling really bad there will never have had a guiltier guest They will never have had a guiltier guest. He's perfect. He's like, I'm trying to respect you. The guilty feminist. I just feel bad.

I don't know, they're quite milky as well. Oh, God. I have not downloaded that, Rob. Have you enjoyed that podcast? Yeah, let's say, yeah. I don't know. Yeah, like, you know, more power to him. I just thought, you know,

we thought it'd be a funny juxtaposition. That was all. Dan, I nearly said it for the comedic value. I didn't have any follow-up to that. I just said the name of the podcast. I don't know anything about it, but, you know, best of luck to everyone involved. I'd love to go on like a parenting podcast

and just pretend I've got a child and just talk about how easy it is. Right, the lactation special. They're like, yeah, yeah, I just let them do whatever they want. They seem to be doing all right. She's in the car right now. They're flying in school.

A's right across the board. If they want sweets, they get them. They can have drugs. I've told them I'm not going to stop them doing whatever they want. Seems to be working. If anything, I'm sleeping more. Yeah, just drive them mad.

What about the sleepless nights? Don't know what you're on about, mate. Just put that Harry Potter on for them. Fucking knock them out. Get in that. Night, night. Fucking not bad. Tiny.

Get out. Choke them out. I can tell you something I'm never fucking going back on. I did some talk sport ones over the lockdown i'm not fucking doing that shit again like it was fucking awful they literally like they uh they give you some cash so that's nice but they literally tell you your opinion before you go on they go like so they go like you're gonna argue this and like i had to like argue uh leeds united are a bigger club than chelsea which is a stupid argument i don't care about. I think it's pointless. You can't measure it. It's a lie as well.

Historically, I even want any metric, but basically all that happened was I shouted at an idiot and then I got loads of death threats. They released it in five parts and no one was coming out because my inbox was just full of Chelsea fans. You've got a bit of a lane going, though, as the Legionnaire comedian

who can work a camera and stick it on YouTube. It's like you i've seen your stuff it's great and i have no affiliation to these but you nail it yeah it's just like i just started doing that as a laugh i don't really want to be a football youtuber at all i just sort of started doing it because it was fun and i don't think i'll do it forever because i it started to become like making football work which i don't want it to be football's a laugh for me you know it's my like my hobby so like but I do the odd thing every now and again it's a bit of fun and like

there's a good little like community of a few people doing it so yeah like that's the same as you innit you've done a bit of like yeah the red men

I stopped being a wind up with footy on twitter because it's just people are so with football they're so unbelievably

easy to upset yeah they don't take the nuance or the joke in anything it's just immediately like they can be in the pub with their mates With football, they're so unbelievably easy to upset. Yeah, they don't take the nuance or the joke in anything. It's just immediately like... They can be in the pub with their mates, and their mate might say something far worse than I will about Everton, for example, and they're like, oh, yeah, what a pint. Because it's on Twitter and written down, and from someone they don't know and don't have...

They don't associate being a human with it. You're just this thing behind the screen that they now hate. And they'll hate everything you ever do forever. Because you're one of many football trolls in their mind that have gone before just fucking niggling, say anything that's annoying. One of Everton's players last week. Just been to Anglesey. Had a run around.

Alleged. Alleged. It hasn't come out yet. It hasn't come out. Oh my God. annoying. One of Everton's players last week just been to Anglesey had a run around alleged alleged allegedly it hasn't come out oh my god it's been alleged that he shagged a 15 year old okay and then

but she was a prostitute and he thought she was a prostitute and then they've gone ah she's 15 give us millions of pounds or we'll grass you up and he's gone no

I'm not getting blackmailed that's apparently what's happened isn't it apparently now allegedly so allegedly and i've said fuck all and that tells you how much progress i've made yeah that's big of you i've said nothing he's been not isolation with the roaner with a phone tell you what man if it was a Man U player I would never be off Twitter

I'm like it would be constant is he a non-star who doesn't think she was 15 I mean look doesn't matter in the world of football

it's one of those where technically you're in a fever file if it's like teenagers but if you're the person who's making those distinctions I've sang for years that Gary Neville

shags his dad he does that and I've got a lot less evidence for that erm like allegedly it's imagine what Everton fans would be like I think the devil shags his dad. He does that. And I've got a lot less evidence for that. Allegedly. Imagine what Everton fans would be like if it came out,

James Milner done this. A bit different, isn't it? No. Why? Because he's kind of integral to the club, James Milner. I mean, he's splitting hairs really a little bit. Shaqiri. I don't think we'd be arsed. I wouldn't be arsed.

Oh, fuck off. Can I just say? I'd think we'd be arsed I wouldn't be arsed can I just say I'd be above it actually I'd be above that as much as I don't give a fuck I don't either are we playing

the game going through the squad who would be the more obvious nonce we literally started going

through players Shaqiri Shaqiri Shaqiri he's got he's about the right size for kids isn't he he is yeah

so yeah that's a tricky one isn't it because all are legend as well yes yeah I don't really bother with the wind up

fussy stuff anymore yeah no I try what that's proven in the last five minutes yeah do you want us to do

some editing I still I still way clear of that I don't even mention That's proven in the last five minutes Do you want us to do some editing? I still I still Way clearer than that I don't even mention it It's a fucking nonce On my podcast No but it's different

Again because it's Twitter isn't it Written down It's a bit Like it's detached But even when like These are like videos and stuff And people watching it Like I said on one of them

I hated Frank Lampard that much I was glad his goal against Germany Didn't stand And like I got loads of like Flag shaggers like how dare you be

so unpatriotic about England and all this it's like it happened a decade ago and I'm clearly fucking about tell you what

I got a lot of shit on Twitter recently for saying that I thought Christian Ericsson was faking well that will yeah that will get

some of that reaction on it it was very funny again of course it was. Lad nearly died on the pitch having a heart attack. It wasn't that. Mulholland's like, God, everyone's being such pussies about this.

It wasn't as it was happening. It wasn't as it was happening. It was well after. Like, it was weeks after. Everyone knows he's fucking fine. And I was just dicking about. Again, but in someone's feed, if you're in there, it's not like they're getting comedy, comedy, comedy, comedy, comedy,

and then your joke. They're getting, like, sport news. They're mates. Someone's fucking, and then bang, you're doing a joke. It's why I don't care. It's why I don't give a shit about the response, because it's not real. It's not about me.

It's not about anything, like, actual. They're just angry at something they've seen flash upon their face. The words. It's the words, and there's nothing behind it. So, like, the people who are, like, making death threats because I've said something about Chelsea, they ain't going to kill me. They'll fucking come at me.

No, but you know what I mean? They're just people sat at home mouthing off. It's not real. It's all just pantomime, isn't it? It's horrible, but it's like... It feels real at the time. You do have to sort of get to a point. Me and Carl were talking at one point

about using Studio 2 to start a football thing. I don't even know how it could work where one of us doesn't get death threats every week. You will. You just will. If you're talking about football on the internet, you just will. I get comments on random videos now.

Everything will be odd, like Chelsea fans. Chelsea fans in particular have really wound up. Yes, they'll pop up on everything. But like, it gives a shit. Can I just suggest just from a third party, look, a cheese podcast, because I think you've got that natural energy. You know, think about it.

What would we call it? We'll call it Cheddar's Sound and Goat of Fernandes. Two knobs, one cheese? Yeah, there you go. That's quite got some ominous. Oh yeah. I know. two knobs one cheese yeah there you go mate you that's quite got some ominous

oh yeah I know yeah deliberately a little bit more succinct than yours though two knobs two cheese that's worse you've made it worse

that's better so much better I've got my cum he's got his let's talk about cheese a conversation that is recorded and put on YouTube

and in audio platforms about cheese and an argument with my friend about cheese and nubs. Jesus Christ. There you go. He's back in the game now. He's back in the game. Jesus Christ, I've cum. So AJ Gregson, I'd like to go on the

Jesus Christ, I've cum. I forgot what we were talking about. That's what happens every single question. I'd go to go on the Jesus Christ I've come I forgot what we were talking about that's what happens every single question I'd go on your mum's house yeah your mum's house is like my favourite

like and it's half a million fucking views within a week yeah it's not bad the are you garbage lads oh that's good they followed us

didn't they and you followed them back which is something I never do saw a few clips with Chrissy DiStefano saw a few something i never do saw a few crips uh clips with chrissy distefano saw a few crips with him you said it wrong fucking pogo um and they're they're very funny and they started their podcast uh within a two weeks of have a word their patron

is almost the same amount as us and they're getting the same sort of views they're growing at the same time so i I gave them a listen. It's fucking great. It's great. Just basically going, if you did an English version, it'd be called, Are You Scum?

Are You Council? That's it, yeah. It's exactly that, yeah. And did you, have you ever like been to the strippers with a relative or like, the list of things that they, yeah.

No, it's dead good, man. Really like that, bro. Are You Trash? Are You Trash? So, Are You Garbage? Have a little look at that. Or, Pigoted with Freddie Quinn yeah I've been on it

do you know what girl I'm joking it's great we're going to have to redo an advert for Freddie Quinn I just can't I can't

I physically cannot be nice about Freddie Quinn I just cannot do it I've got an amazing but we do owner's podcast so if you can check out Piggoted

at Piggoted pod it is actually doing really well so check out Freddie's podcast Piggoted he's it is actually doing really well. So check out Freddie's podcast, Piggoted. He's been working really hard. He wanted to wait till he had a few episodes

uploaded till we give it a push, but he's now under the Have A Word umbrella. He's working with us. So Piggoted, go and have a look. It's our Freddie. I've had to get a fucking

bigger umbrella. He's fat. It's because he's fat. He is a fat cunt. Do you know, trips. I didn't mean to say it trips I didn't mean to say it I didn't mean to say it

Seneca and Sam tried to take me and Adam to the strippers what remember when our ladies tried to take us to the strippers last week

oh yeah you trash go on no that's not a trash move that's a sort of like modern like yeah no that's a trap that's what that is

that's a trap it's like oh we'll go to the strippers it'll be fun why are you looking at her why'd you pick that one no our girlfriends aren't like that. No, they get us a dance. Yeah.

Yeah, if they were like, if they wanted to, Seneca had never been in. And Sam was like, oh, let's go. But then they were shut. No, they were like, no. As in like, no ladies. My ex-girlfriend got kicked out of a strip club

for touching. Yeah. Touching you? No, like the strippers. They were like, they came over to me and they were like, we never normally have a problem with the women Yeah she fingered them

I don't know if she fucking slipped a ditch Straight in What That's not anyone's starting point I love our date nights Go web She put a fucking 50p in her like one of your mum's Fucking bobbing apples

What I was just trying to tip her oh my god fucking two pound go your nigga pull her right arm and see what happens oh comes your little

pool there's your four pound fifty treating a woman like a big plastic coke bottle she's on the pole fucking rattling how much last time

you went to strippers I'm going to put this out there I think the strippers is just annoying yeah it is let's get turned on don't touch me tits don't touch me fanny

you can have a little smell of it which fucking budget rough as arseholes Dove got strippers are you going to On a Tuesday morning

You can have one I don't smell it Oh there I'll add Don't sniff in the strippers Well no like I had a joke On my first show Did you just check your phone

Like what Did you just No tweets Fucking psycho This is the most addicted To his phone person I've ever seen Sniffer stripper

Two seconds Two seconds Adam can you do the The motion of the sniffing Smell that Oh No but let's be real That's why people are in the strip club

I had a joke on my first show Which was like You know if you want to know Why men go to strip clubs It's because you can't smell porn like that's why that's the difference isn't it

the thing is I understand why the strippers are like we're not doing the ironic couples thing tonight oh god

totally because if there's a load of businessmen who are dropping tips they don't want to see Serica and Sam be like this is fun

you're alright babe I love your heels and there's some guy like it's sort of They don't want to see Serica and Sam be like, I can lose, I can lose. This is fun. You're right, babe. I love your heels. And there's some guy like... It's sort of... They're the money makers. The last time I went was when I did the Birmingham Glee. And you know, the beer company reps, the Carlsberg rep was in that night with a mate.

And they were obviously on the company credit card. And they're like, we go to the Glee. We know all the managers. And I wanted to go for a beer and the staff weren't up for it sometime. I'd been out boozing with the staff from the company credit card. And they're like, we go to the Glee. We know all the managers. And I wanted to go for a beer and the staff weren't up for it. Sometimes I've been out boozing with the staff from the Birmingham Glee. So they were like,

oh, you should go out with like fucking Nobbed and his mate from Carlsberg. They're like, come on, it's all on us. We went to one. We would accept Carlsberg as a sponsor,

by the way. Well, we'd love them, but just like this guy was a bellend. They were like, we're going to go to a bars. We're going to like, we literally had one drink in the Glee. And then they were like we're gonna go to a bars we're gonna like we literally had one drink

in the glee and then they were like ah should we just go strippers and yeah I used to work with guys like that in sales

I don't know the guy I don't know his fucking mate we've not like had a night out and all of a sudden we're in there and he's more hammered than I'd realised

got in and they were ready to spend some money I just wanted to have a beer and let them and in my head I was like maybe we'll go for beers later and it all just fell off the track

and the girl came over and was like would you like a dance I was like no I'm alright I'm here with those two and they're getting dances so I'm just going to have a beer

she was like well why do you come to a strippers why do you come to this place and I was like that always does me I didn't want to go to a strippers when they're like obviously I'm not

I don't know how hard their lives and their jobs are, but when they come over to you with an attitude, like, like, like I owe them. Yeah. But some days I'm in. I've paid a tenant to get in.

I've paid seven quid for a warm beer. Fuck off and leave me alone. I just want to stand here and drink this. Why you not even want to sniff? I don't. Because I don't. It's Tuesday morning. It's the sniff zone.

I'm fine. I just want this shite beer. I'm here because they sold me this and nowhere else is still selling it. Now you, fuck off over there and dance on some other cunt. And then you have a little slip yeah and that's the sound of it

I spoke to a stripper about Theo Walcott once in Berlin and that's all true yeah his potential was never quite fulfilled was it so we walked in the strippers

and there was about ten of us and it was a Scottish girl and she's like I spoke to you oh you're from Liverpool I was like yeah and she went

who do you support I was like Everton and she went walcott like like the only place you knew how random would that be if she was doing it that's like do you like that she's the one who do you like this touch do you think he went to the world cup too young do you think eric's she's 2006. she's the one who bent paul's edward with the mummy thing ah right yeah she's dazed and in sex. She's the one who bent Paul's head with the mummy thing. Ah, right, yeah. Is she the one that spat in his mouth? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know this story. Because she spat in his mouth.

Because she was speaking to me for like 10 minutes, all footy, and she went, listen to me, are you going to get a dance? I was like, nah. And Paul went, I'll have one, and then she changed. That sums up the difference between you and Paul Smith so much. She spat in his mouth and went, mummy fucking, you like that?

And for you, she was like, Theo Walcott. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She knows her audience isn't it like he was in his everton kit i was in full heaven boots on you know why that's believable because he's always in football kit yeah just actually don't want to dance do i want to game with fucking heads and knees like last christmas i did a gig in leeds where like the there was a strip club on their Christmas party.

So all the dancers, they were there. They were all hammered. I was emceeing, so I'd chat to them, had a bit of a laugh with them. And this was when I knew I'd really grown as a person. And they invited me out afterwards to a lock-in at the strip club. And I just went home.

And I was like, that is personal growth. And I know five years ago, me, would have fucking hated this cunt i am now oh okay not a strip club yeah rob what come on yeah that's you don't say no to a lock-in at a strip i know i did i turned down a lock-in at a strip club mate i don't even like strip clubs but a lock-in is a magical time i imagine myself in that environment and i know who i am i cannot be in that environment and come out with it without something bad happening right good day to you yeah it was probably a strip club very quickly just becomes an orgy surely you know what if i'm involved just getting smashed up in pints of jizz

everywhere that's the eight-year-old boy in your head going just they're gonna turn so on they've had a long night at work they've been dancing on people and just they're going to turn on this no mate like they've had a long night at work they've been dancing on people and now they're with their mates and they're like do you know what i want mate this was their christmas party as well and they were like they were they were they were very forward these women you know they were these strippers yeah amazing like it was forward it was like it was one of those where it's like nothing good comes of me going to that strip club like nothing good who the fuck is it

they were very bashful these strippers oh would you like to have a oh no I couldn't possibly show you my pussy sniff that that's what I'm gonna

I'm gonna open a strip club called sniff that and Adam teaches them all the dance. Sniff but don't touch. You don't want scratch and sniff. You don't want to imply that they're itchy. Do you?

It's not good branding. Snatch and sniff. There you go. Like Fanny. Do you know what I mean? Round the back's bum hole. Isham wasn't this gross was he

although he did piss on a police station Nile says alright lids if someone offered you one million pounds to live on a liquid based diet

for the rest of your lives would you do it or stick to your normal diet and be skint can I put a roast in it in a blender it's gotta be liquid

if you can make it a liquid I think it's fine yeah be fine how much water would you need to put in a roast you could do it with gravy yeah look you you bring a yorkshire boy on the pod this is what you fucking get that's a nesbitt smoothie like a lab but you could just like you don't have to put it all in at once you could just do the potatoes and then you just like there we go liquid potatoes then we meet you know what i mean liquid meat like i oh jesus beautiful i am a hundred percent saying no to this like no a million's not enough to ruin

yeah millions the rest of my life and like i don't drink anymore i don't smoke but i could do it food's like my only pleasure left i don't go to fucking strip club parties anymore i don't smoke but I could do it food's like my only pleasure left I don't go to fucking strip club parties anymore I don't do I don't have any fun all I've got is food don't take that off me yeah if you abstain from food I've got nothing left

literally what have you got yeah breathable air and Evian water just fucking protein shakes all day fuck that

erm I could I could do this I'm such a dickhead with food only a mil a million so Christmas day comes I did it for I did it for nearly six months on the Cambridge weight plan I could do this. I'm such a dickhead with food. Only a mil? A million. So Christmas Day comes and you're exactly fucking... I did it for nearly six months on the Cambridge weight plan.

The only problem... Yeah, but then you could... I was trying to lose weight, so I was eating food, to be fair. You can't sustain that, though, forever. And just liquid, forever. Do you remember when you... The thinnest I'd ever been

was when you came to my flat and we watched the Denver Broncos play the Panthers in the Super Bowl. That night got way out of hand. And my mate from Newcastle brought too much Coke down and I was at the absolute height

of my diet. And like high grade DJ grade as well. So I think I ended up, I woke up that morning like skeletal. That was the lightest I've ever been.

So this is the problem. The million pounds would be great but these liquid diets are seriously, you couldn't do it because you're already oh yeah it fucked me up like i'm i'm actively trying to gain weight at the moment and like i can't be doing that we're just fucking liquid what do you mean well you know you can't put weight on no i can but i've got a like you know i've got to make an effort to do it really you look like a long stee and he's doing the same yeah let me just notice that because it's the metabolism And he's cunt Yeah I've got

I started to slow down a bit Like you know Now I'm in my 30s But yeah I'm just dead long and thin innit So I like Yeah So I'm just fucking

Scranning everything at the moment Yeah Short and round Yeah Well I'm going to the gym as well I'm not like just You know Just getting fat

That's your problem You're going to the gym You're burning your calories off Are you going to the gym? I am yeah Oh my god Who the fuck are you Rob to the gym I am yeah oh my god who the fuck are you Rob Mulholland

I know man times have changed innit you've changed a lot there's been a lot of personal growth I don't like all of it I know it's weird it is a bit much the last three years

it's like chalk and cheese like pre and post come on why mention cheese don't get him going only chalk goats is quite a chalky cheese, isn't it?

Shall we do a have a word and get the fuck out of here? What do you reckon? You okay? You good? Yeah, one more. Always one more. It's time to have a word

with Helen and Dan. Back together. Yeah, Finn. Five words, the whole ep. Thank God he's back. Shut Yeah, Finn. Five words, the whole ep. Thank God he's back. Shut up, Finn. Hey, Lids, can you have a word with my neighbours? Hey, Lids.

Sorry. Can you have a word with my neighbours or me, if you think I'm being a dick? We live in a shitty terrace house in Runcorn, so paper-thin walls and hearing your neighbours argue is the norm but one side we have neighbours who are constantly

having work done on the house. It sounds like they're going to come through the fucking walls and it's always after 5pm with no heads up and the other side

I have a neighbour who has a kid I can only describe as the spawn of Satan who are constantly having screaming matches and slamming the door. The fuckers only seven.

We plan to have a massive house party at the end of the summer to celebrate all the fuckery of the last year and a half being over, and we don't know whether to be considerate and let the neighbours know or fuck them and let it be payback. For reference, we are only in our 20s, and the neighbours are in their 40s, so not old enough that I'd look like I'm being a cunt to old Doris do you know what i mean yes i do uh thanks for the podcast i'm listening to the podcast so much you're turning this wool accent into a plastic scouser that's from samantha

randalls so it's got knobhead neighbors on either side and relate hard to this one coming i have a i live in a like a shitty terraced house in manchester and it's like proper thin walls and i've got like dickhead neighbors so i am on board with this so on one side like um i've got like for the whole of lockdown there was just like this kid who plays fortnight all day and just screams constantly all day every day through the wall just hearing that and that's the first lockdown for the whole first lockdown and on the other side there is this like fucking crazy old guy like the like the oldest dude i've ever seen he's like so hunched he's now like horizontal like he looks like a fucking set square like he like waddles around like that coming out to get his paper and he plays the radio at 3 a.m

every night on the news for an hour from three till four every single night full blast through like and you can just hear it all through the fucking world and turns it off at four at four it goes off yeah and like it's radio five live because i can hear it i can follow it along so i've been going insane with these on either side like just for the whole of fucking lockdown man it's just because you're just caged up inside it you just got dickheads either side and just getting more and more annoyed but like i think for this person take the high road i reckon go warn them and then just make a real fucking point of it that you're being better than them like i was you know i think that's how i'd go with it i don't know like i at this point

if you tell them and they're like i don't think you should do that you're not gonna not have the party well if they're bellins i think it's carte't think you should do that you're not going to not have the party if they're bellings I think it's carte blanche to just do your fucking party I think the issue isn't the party at all you don't tell them

about the party you need to sort of send them threatening letters in the meantime okay like newspaper cuttings with pictures of like

dead animals and stuff and just be like picture the kids yeah just to take photos of the kids? Yeah. Just to take photos of the kids like walking... When you go sinister, you really find a new like... Yeah, but like you don't say anything. You don't make the threat

because then that becomes legal then. But like you just take a picture of their kid playing at the end of the street, post them that with like some newspaper curtains going, is this little Johnny, is it? And that's it. Post them that. I think that's still

illegal I feel like this is still not okay what would they hang on but they'll open the letter and be like oh my god little

Johnny's been abducted and then they're like oh no he's there and then you send another one in a few days yeah but how are they going to know

this is connected to the noise what are they going to do oh he sent a photo of me kids I best turn the stereo down what the fuck you on about how is it connected well then you is connected to the noise? What are they going to do? Oh, he sent a photo of me kids. I best turn the stereo down.

What the fuck are you on about? How is it connected? Well, then you just lean over the fence one day and just be like, hey, turn that stereo down and, you know, things might get better and you just let that linger with them.

Fair to say you've not thought this one through that well. Something you couldn't say anyway. Two abduction layers without abduction. They need to put it together in their head. You've still got to live next door to this fucker after this incident's happened.

Yeah, but now they won't mess with you because they'll know you've got a camera just before you... My phone takes pictures don't fuck with me. And the printer.

Oh yeah. And newspapers. You've got money. Yeah. At least 60p a day. This guy's got a news agent yeah I like it make sure you wear gloves

when you do it so you don't leave any fingerprints on any of the stuff I'll tell you like my strategy for dealing with the noisy neighbours was to be a massive fan and never say out

oh well you send them up both threatening letters from each other make it look like no but you put DNA from each house who's look like no but you you put dna from each house who's dna testing these fucking letters when they do they're not gonna they'll think it's

two doors down the police don't do a dna test if there's been a fucking stabbing i don't know if you know but i wonder funded they are they don't do shit they might go private oh you've not lived in west car west darby csi i said it wrong didn didn't I, Carl? West Darby, it's in Ireland. Yeah. Don't even live there. Fucking bro. Gutted. I did once,

I got put in the back of a police van because we'd been out egging when I was a teenager. They put me in the back of a police van and this copper came up to me with this egg carton he'd found on the street and he was like, is this yours?

I was like, no. And he goes, is the DNA test they do going to say different? I was like, are you going to DNA test an egg box? And he was like, yeah.

I was like, okay then. And then you jizzed and drowned in him. In the third letter, just put like a bit of like next door's hair. How were you getting it? What?

The hair from next door. Ask them for it. In the night? They're not going to query it. Excuse me, love. Just knocking on. Can I have a cup of sugar and some of your hair?

Just ask them, can you come in and just get a bit like off the brush or something. Ask, can you use the toilet? Go to the bathroom, get some hair. Put it in the next letter

and say, I just want to know who this is from. Check this. Check this. Arson. That works. Not in a terraced house.

Just make sure you're out yeah but your house is still fucking burning out confusing letters from different neighbours and that's how you get them with hairs

with hairs we've got a hairy letter where's it from next door no two doors down turn the radio down do you reckon we're done we think we might be done have a great I'm going to turn the radio down. Do you reckon we're done?

We think we might be done. Have a great party. Fuck your neighbours, Samantha. Just let it rip. It's a really good party, dude. Don't bellend. Don't invite Rob. He's a fucking Christian now. Yeah, no, I'm boring now.

I'll bring vegetarian snacks. Rob, the stripper's coming to the party. I'll be leaving. I'd best be off. Put a firework through their letterbox Yeah Stab them in the back of the knee Shoot them In the face

With a gun I don't use machine guns for Faces Kick them in the face Please buy tickets to my show At the Edinburgh Festival. Or give it a week and see if he's all right. See if he's back to full normality.

Edinburgh Festival tickets at Pleasance.co.uk. Underbelly Festival for live show tickets for Have A Word. Six gaslighters a pound. The PO box, you can send some hairs in if you want to do some... Yeah, if you want to send us any threatening lasers, it's I've not got 50p,

two for a pound. RuncornWA74QX. And give Piggoted a watch and a listen. Freddie's putting a lot of work in and we want him to get the start he deserves. And thanks for putting up with my cough.

Hopefully it'll be gone by the next time we record. Robbie Mulholland, where can we find you? It's fine, we're on YouTube, it's probably the best. Just search Rob Mulholland on YouTube. record. Robbie Mulholland, where can we find you? It's fine around YouTube. It's probably the best. Just search Robbie Mulholland on YouTube.

It's Robbie Mulholland Comedy is the channel because someone else got my name first. But yeah, there's loads of shit on there. A couple of stand-up specials and a bunch of stuff. So yeah, that's probably the best. And the thank you show for Patreons. As we said, if you're an OG Patreon, you've got until midnight on Thursday, the 5th of August

to claim those tickets. If you are a Patreon, they will be available for you on Friday, the 5th of August to claim those tickets. If you are a Patreon, they will be available for you on Friday, the 6th of August at 10 a.m. And if you're an absolute muggle and you don't pay for Patreon on Monday, the whatever, after that 6th, it's the 7th, Monday, the 9th of August, you'll have access then. Oh, there's going to be no one left. Sign up, patreon.com slash everwordpod.

Right, enough selling, enough advertising. Rob, it's been very fun having you on left. Sign up. Patreon.com slash everwordpod. Right. Enough selling. Enough advertising. Rob, it's been very fun having you on. Been a joy. Lovely having Adam and Finjaman back. We will, yeah, see you next week. Finfunk lettuce.

Fuck off. Go away.