Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #139 with Dean Coughlin - Have A Word w/Adam & Dan

Episode Date: September 27, 2021

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Now, I'm getting the word nuts. Hey, I'm not doing it for Dan. I'm not doing it for Carl. I'm doing it for Finn. Every day. Who the fuck is that guy? Char, upset me, nasty bitch. Oh, Jesus. Don Oh, jeez.

Don't chat to me! I can see fumes coming off your pum-pum look like petrol station. Shut up! Disgusting! Coming to you from the soon-to-be world-famous Havawad Studios. Hidden away in the scenic hills of sunny Runcorn, England. These are the funniest leads in the podcast game. Adam Rowe, Dan Nightingale and Sensei Carl

with full HD video episodes on YouTube. It has to be. Have a word. There you go. Oh, sorry. Apologies. It's okay. After you, Adam. I'm having like a handsome day.

Do you think? I looked at myself in the middle of this morning. was like do you know what i like the cut of his jib right it's nice that in it when you're like got it you got it do you have days where you're like i feel like a fucking big disgusting thing do you have those days do you know those like really like days we're like oh fuck today yeah like most of the time oh yeah i need i need a good filter and a selfie angle to sort this shit out whereas today i could have took a picture from below chin in view and i'd have been like you know what gorgeous yeah you're lucky to have me kiss Sam goodbye and be like you're fucking lucky goodbye

see you later I'm off to work that's what I meant why didn't you say goodbye when you're not for the else Sam kissed me goodbye this morning she got up at 5.30am

to go to the gym before work for a personal training session and it's just a sentence that I'm going to hire a personal trainer next week when me schedule frees up because from next week till the end of the year i'm pretty local i've been like i'm going

to london again today for another four days i feel like i fucking live there at the minute um i'm gonna hire my personal trainer but i will not be getting up at half five to go and see the cunt no what are you looking for in a personal trainer um i want to be accountable to someone about me tits why are you doing that again when it hasn't worked five previous times because i'm gonna get a different one no but it's not the personal trainer that was the it might have been car how do you know because i know and he knows it's like finding the right therapist you need to find someone who understands you totally what's someone who lets you get away with shit no i don't want to

get away with shit i want to be accountable you got a personal tailor last time well you didn't see him once you're okay what are the personal trait that's poor what are the personal trainers sort of traits have you gone for in the past where have you made those mistakes let's go through it um i think last time he was great he yeah first mistake, do you reckon? Straight. Yeah. Second mistake. So I need a lesbian. Yeah. Were they British? White?

Yeah. Oh, mistake, mistake. You need a foreign lesbian lady from an ethnic minority. Right. Black lesbian. Right. And she'd be like, child, you need to sort those titties out otherwise I'm going to start sucking on them because lesbians like tits

they do child child I needed to let you know that she was black alright that was the blackism yeah that was the blackism you could have done that

a different way let me show you how go on lad those tits are getting massive I'm black by the way but I like them right

by the way oh yeah fucking hell I haven't seen it right do you still want a scouser you want everything to be different

what I want is I just want someone who lives near me who I can go and see after we record but don't you live in the black

lesbian quarter of West of it quarter there's a quarter of it there's 25%

of West of it the Cuban quarter and the black lesbian quarter and the other half is what just me and

Carl I don't know I love your naivety about personal trainers. Why? Because I've heard you say this so many times. No, but I do normally stick with it for a while

and then I just give up. But I need someone who won't let me give up. How? What do they have to do? Threaten me. I don't know. Bully me a bit. I think I need to be bullied.

I'll do that. My last personal trainer wouldn't bully me enough. If I didn't go in, he'd be like, okay, make sure you make the next one. I need someone who'd be's be like i'm gonna drive to your house right now and burn it down if you don't give me fucking some i'll say that you need you don't care about you you're not you're not in i need someone in an enviable shape no get a personal trainer and i'll be the audible one no he can pay i need them to do both it's just that's just going to be a personal trainer watching you two bicker yeah

you will not respond well you need to go to relate on a treadmill you will not respond well to someone shouting at you I will if he's fit you're projecting and it's not

that's not right you will not do I've seen people slightly abscond you and you fucking like it's like you want to burn their house down yeah what about the finance lady well i don't need someone to shout at me i can't like i'm not joining the fucking army you want to be bullied you should do that yeah i like i want do you know what i need i need someone to be sort of like to not believe in me i need a personal trainer who doesn't believe in? I need someone to be sort of like, to not believe in me.

I need a personal trainer who doesn't believe in me. I need someone who's like, you'll never be able to do 20 sit-ups. And I'm like, I'll fucking show you. Just a really fucking audible cunt. A neggy cunt. And then you'll do three sit-ups. Yeah, but if that's my physical limit.

Carl, you've been so fucking negative there. Everybody's like, no, you're not going to do it. You're not going to do it you're not going to do it I'll shout at you we're trying to get him there mate we're trying to get him there is this anybody needs? yeah but he's not going to listen to you

I want someone who's going to sort of be like oh you don't look like you could do this because then I will do it even if I die I'll do it someone going fucking 20 sit-ups I'll be like who are you talking to? I'll punch your head in Someone being a bit

Whingy and moany And like Yeah I don't think You can do it Maybe slagging you off Behind your back Yeah I'm starting to get

Some names in my head He's not in shape But like someone doing Someone who's just a bit like Look if you If you just want to do three do three but you're going to be fat forever I'll be like I'll do fucking 29

right I think it's a respect I think you've got to respect the status of the person yeah yeah I'm throwing it out there yeah Paddy the baddie

I think you should start training with him obviously he's not going to be your trainer but I think you should train with Paddy the baddie I think that should start training with him. Obviously, he's not going to be your trainer, but I think you should train with Paddy the Baddie. I think that might be the way. And when he's like, lads, what the fuck are you doing? You're like, oh shit, you're a UFC fighter.

No, but the thing is, Paddy will say this himself. And we tried to, so for those who don't know, we tried to get Paddy on today because our guest, very unfortunately, had to sort of cancel last night because he was sick. Our guest today was going to be Mike Bubbins, who is one of the most popular requested guests. And we did tease recently that he was coming on.

He's very unwell, so he can't come. So we've got Dean Coughlin on today. He's been trying to get on for a while. He's dead. Paddy, who, if he was on this couch today, would tell you himself, Paddy trains like I diet. You know when I've got a TV thing coming up, and I drop all my weight, so I'm like,

hey, I look good on telly, and then I get fat again? That's what he does. Paddy's fat again already after this fight, because he got in the shape of his life for this fight, and then he's like, I can eat everything now. So Paddy, I'm basically already Paddy the Buddy. In a way. That's what I was thinking. I was thinking you basically already Paddy the Buddy. In a way. That's what I was thinking.

In a way. I was thinking you were already Paddy the Buddy. I need someone who's consistently. You're the Ricky Atten of podcasts. Yeah. No. Or you need to have something set up to train for. Like a fight.

Do you want to fight me? No. Triathlon? Half. Half triathlon. Sorry, we don't do full triathlon. No. Too hard.

You've got more TV? What can we get? Do Tough Mudder with me? No. Not this year. Next year. No, I don't want to. I just want to get...

I don't want to... See, this is what I do. This is why I need a personal trainer. Because, yeah, if I had something to aim for, I could lose weight and whatever, but then I'll put it back on. Oh, I got it. And have a word, naked Christmas calendar.

That'll fucking focus. It would be funny if we were all in shape. That would focus your mind, wouldn't it? Yeah, but I don't want a thing to be focused on. I want a lifestyle change. By the way, we should absolutely do that. A calendar. Yikes.

It doesn't have to be naked but we should definitely do a calendar I think we should do that next year because we're already trying to get Finn to Christmas number one this year I feel like

that's happening by the way oh yeah we're going to try and we're going to professionally record Lord Has Gone with Finn and a music video and we're aiming

for Christmas number one we're going to do a music video we're going to go and get it recorded properly we're going to let Finn go to. We're going to go and get it recorded properly. We're going to let Finn go to a professional recording studio with a great producer, and then we're going to ruin the day for him by being knobheads.

And then we're going to try and get it to Christmas number one. To get to Christmas number one, you need around 200,000 sales. Right. And we've got at least, let's say, I reckon we've got about 40,000 listeners, but cut that in half, 20. We need 20,000 of you to spend a 10 at least, let's say, I reckon we've got about 40,000 listeners, but cut that in half, 20, we need 20,000 of you

to spend a 10 at each, 10 goes, you need to buy the single 10 times. How cheap can you make a single? It's a quid. 99p. Does it have to be 99p? It can be 79.

Can it be any lower than that? If we're like, we don't give a fuck. It used to be 59, but I'm not sure anymore. I will look into it. Yeah, because then, I suppose there has to be, you will i will look into it yeah because then i suppose

there has to be you can't just undercut it because then you've got some fucking home bargains christmas number one yeah and i also wanted to do a medley but i realized that that's not going to happen because i'll fucking break your legs it's gonna get us in trouble isn't yeah yeah I want to leave I'll kill your dad I'll punch your head in with a gun and don't use machine guns for faces I'm not consenting

couldn't give a fuck and I've got me real hair on that's the rapiest Christmas song but yeah have you ever spent Christmas on Peter Island was the other one

but it's got to be an original thing otherwise we're going to give royalties away fuck that if we get him to chart I mean obviously we'd aim him for number one

but if we get him to chart it's incredible if we get him to number two I'll be fuming I'd rather it be 17 than two I want to be Christmas number one

or just about make the top 40 right I think the second one's it what if you get if Finn gets on

Christmas Top of the Pops one of the lines is about leaving with a man named Leroy to Mozambique to Mozambique with a predilection

for cocaine we'd have to change that one wouldn't we right to a predilection for at least an explicit version oh yeah yeah with a predilection for cocaine. We'd have to change that one, wouldn't we? Right, to a predilection for... No, we'll just release an explicit version. Oh, yeah, yeah. With a rap on it.

I'm the fucky president of the United States. Can we do a rap verse? Yeah. And Dan can rap it? No, no, Adam can rap it in a Hamilton style. It's about you and your wife. History. No, but I'm in the video like crying.

Yeah, but you can rap saying you want a bath. We're also going to be doing open auditions for the lady or person that identifies as a lady to play Laura because I tell you what, I gave my address away for some T-shirts from one of the listeners the other day and she went fucking sick. So she is not going to play herself on a video

where we try and get Christmas number one. I think we should try and get Cat fucking sick. So she is not going to play herself on a video where we try and get Christmas number one. I think we should try and get Cat Dealey. I don't want Cat Dealey. Well, that's not blonde. That's stupid. I want a black lesbian personal trainer. Great. It's a two-for-one job.

Right, you've got to train me, and we need your acting skills. Can we do an audition then? If we could cast, though, if we could cast any, like, within reason, British actress slash nearly actress, like, presenter or whatever.

Slash trans actor. Sure. Did you hear what I said? That was me not knowing if you could say actor or actress for a trans actor, and I said attractor. What is the official terminology for a trans actor attractor what are you looking at carl what are you looking at what do you mean

what are you looking at uh i've just googled women women actors metal street you get metal street who do I want I want I definitely want someone I want I definitely want someone That's good I want an ethnic minor I want someone from an ethnic minor

I really want us to Fatima Whitbread Fatima Whitbread The famous music video actress Fatima Whitbread What about Martine McCutcheon Oh Martine Martine Yeah yeah I can see martin sonya from east

and look to be fair martin mccutchen i don't think laura's gonna be happy about that so is sonya the one that looks like penguin from batman yeah i just wanna be like you bat Batman. No, no, no. No. She doesn't look like Penguin. Is the telly on? Why would Laura not be happy with that? Because it's Sonia from EastEnders.

And she doesn't want someone who doesn't look like her to play her. I think she'd take Martine McCutcheon. Yeah. Right. Who's the black lady that does all the charity giveaways on this morning? Alison Hamm think she allison hammond i think oh yeah hammer would make a good day hammer oh my god hammer time shit oh yes oh my god i think the move to mozambique line might have a new layer there though yep she needs she needs to be as close to laura as. Or Nadia, who won Big Brother. Yes!

Nadia from Big Brother. Oh, my God. She does look a bit like Laura. Is this the one that used to be a bloke? Yeah, right. Can we book her? Oh, my God. Yeah, that was like the night I met her.

Can you just pop that picture in there? Just pop it in. That's how steaming... That picture there that's like the night I met did you ever play can you just pop pop that picture in there just pop it in that's how steaming that picture there that's on the on the right so look at her face there on the right right

can you she looks like the fella out of Papa the Rapper look don't you Ned Carl have you had a stroke can you just put

can you just put that picture in genuinely Laura looked like that the night that we met and i jizzed on her thigh sexy so i can we can we put an email in can we book nadia from big brother she's still alive how do you reckon we get she's still alive be fucking awful oh i've got it let's get the cheeky girls. And then if one of them gets COVID, we've got a replacement, ready made. The cheeky girls.

The cheeky girls? Those are skinny Russian ones. Yeah. So as close to Laura as possible. And you want the cheeky girls? Yeah. I want Nadia from Big Brother. We'll put some booking inquiries in.

In each seed, will it be a different woman? No. No. We'll put some booking inquiries in. In each scene, it'll be a different woman. No. No. It's going to be hard to follow. Logistically, it's just too much. Cheeky girls.

This is a very common thing. You know when, in movies, when they have like a kid in it, they often try and cast twins in case the kid's being a knobhead one day and they just get their twin in. Right. You know You know the grown women

The cheeky girls Yeah It's like They're not But what if they're in a What if one of them's in a mood Yeah it could be a bad mood I'm not playing Laura

Laura stays Right get the other one in Do you know what the cheeky girls names are What Gabrielle and Monica Gabrielle and Monica Monica There you go Right so could we put finn can you put an

inquiry in with nadia and the cheeky girls just as a battle let's just have a battle well we can get also we can have the cheeky girls just like you know because sometimes in videos there's attractive ladies like yeah just get you know dancing we could we need the children's choir children's choir i think we should yes's choir. I think we should try. Yes, mate! What did the Gorillaz do? Withenshaw High School. We need a gun to keep ourselves alive.

That was Withenshaw High School on the actual song. I think we should get St Margaret Mary's and I could do like me return gig. Ignition. For the school choir. Right. Right. Yeah. So we're going to go into St. Margaret of Mary's and Magdalene's.

We'll just take some kids. We'll bring them back. Right. Like School of Rock. We're just going to ask if we can have the choir for the day and record. Yeah. Lauren's gone. Yeah.

Not too much I believe in the kids. Dad's talking wrong, go with the lids. Yeah. And then a few jingle bells. Pow. Number 17. Yeah. That'd be fucking good. Do you reckon they'd let you... Have you ever been back to your primary school? No.

I got asked back to my college, and I was like, absolutely. And then just couldn't be arsed? No. I got asked back to my college, and I was like, absolutely. And then just couldn't be arsed. Well, I got asked back to sixth form because they asked me to talk to the kids about how important it is to work hard so that you get into university. And I was like, and you want me to do that?

Okay. Missed out one week at uni. Dropped out to followers dreams. You want me to tell the kids, make sure you pay attention. I got me alone. Then went straight back to envy. Someone should be telling kids that, though. Yeah, no. I got me loan. Then went straight back to envy. Someone should be telling kids that.

Yeah, no. And I would have. I was like, I'll tell them the truth. But I don't think that's what you were booking me for, is it? When did they ask you? Recently.

About five years ago. I think now you're about to get on the old televisuals. I think there might be a few more requests. Because old fucking Papa Ro Ro just took a step up I will not stop until they paint a mural of me over the Stephen Gerrard one in the

sport department you want to be in the sport department well there isn't a comedy department no there's not did you do any performing arts at school no social suicide you played footy

I did another fight and I got off I wonder how good I'd have to become a comedy to overtake All right. Social suicide. You played footy, had your dinner, had a fight and then got off. I wonder how good I'd have to become a comedy to overtake. Shot a lad, stabbed him in the face just to show your authority and then we got off. How good would you have to become to do what? How good a comedy,

how successful I'd have to be. How many Patreons would we need for me to be declared more successful than Stephen Gerrard? Like, to be Cardinal Heenan's favourite son. I don't think that it's possible it's not looking good number two is more likely in the Christmas charts you're never beating Stephen Gerrard are you Voldemort went to our school the whole of Liverpool fucking

bums him apart from the blue half like and he's from that school what if I sell out Anfield on my own because he never did it on his own. He needed the full team. Yeah. What, 38 times? Oh, 19 times a year? And 19 tour dates in Anfield. I love it how genuinely, I was just about to say,

let's get back to trying to get Christmas number one and keep it realistic. Because you've wandered off into, you've wandered off into crazy debt. I was just saying that last year. Like, well, shut up. We're trying to get Christmas from someone, aren't I? Who's the most famous person from your school? Oh, I think we've mentioned this before.

I mean, Stephen Borthwick, who was the England rugby captain for a while. Yeah. Which just makes me sound like a fucking posh kid, but it's just... Who's number two? Because our number two is probably David Price, the boxer. Or David Nugent loads of people

famous went to your school didn't they yeah so Professor Quiddle went there I genuinely don't know who the second second most

I've never been asked back as well they don't know what the fuck I'm doing yeah but I think you going back to school would be amazing

lots of me. I just went to our school as well, though. Yeah, we were discussing that on the way. Mick Descarlo went. He was in Ultra Beat, I think. Oh, shit. Who else? Sean Doughty, Gerrard, Jay McEvely.

I wonder if you're all here. No, you're not. Adam Rowe! Adam Rowe! He's made the list. Sick. You are bottom of the list, though. Yeah, but he's under Professor Quiddle.

That's sick. Any famous ones from your school? Finn? Give him the mic. Chad Evans went to your school. Give him the mic. Chad Evans. Okay.

And Lisa Scott Lee from Steps. I used to fucking masturbate to her. Oh, do you think she could play Laura? Yeah. She's bookable. Can we see Lisa Scott Lee now, please? Yeah, go on. Lisa Scott Lee, 2021.

If you don't know Steps, you need to know. And her brother, Andy Scott Lee, was also a musician. He was. Lisa Scott Lee. Very talented family. She'd make a good Laura. She would, yeah. That's actually a really good shout.

Her or Nadia? I honestly, do you know, I think they look so similar that depending on which one we book, you could tell me it was either of them and I'd just believe you. By the way, when I said Nadia, that wasn't in any way a comparison to Laura.

That was just a funny name that I picked off the top of my head. Just in case she's listening and needs me. Yeah, but it's a comedy podcast, isn't it? And I think it would be funny if we got someone who used to have a dick to play my wife. Come on. Come on, bro.

Caitlyn Jenner. Good. What was your school called, Dan? There's literally no... Caitlyn Jenner. We'll get her over. Hello! I'm in Roncorn! What was your school called? That's my Caitlyn Jenner we'll get her over hello I'm in Roncorn what was your school called

that's my Caitlyn Jenner impression Hutton Grammar Hutton Grammar School famous alums eh what have we got Stephen Barthwick Brian Cookson click on it

because it'll have a full list we've not got we've not got a great alumni there have we no uh the list of head teachers but not famous people no there was i said notable alumni keep going down carl oh yeah you got it here we go oh here we go tony swift there you go oh my god yeah you go yeah I don't know any of these people who is this

who the fuck is this Edward Gardner former Royal Navy commander survivor of two ships shite at his job and later

a politician mate Edward Gardner Gardner was busy I've got to say if you're a Royal Navy commander and a ship sinks twice, it does look like an insurance job the second time. Yeah. It shouldn't be on your CV.

When you've been in charge of one sunken ship, like, you know, everyone can have a bad day at the office. But two sunken ships is careless, isn't it? Finn, what was your school called? Real High. You loved it there, didn't it? Finn, what was your school called? Real High. Real High. You loved it there, didn't you? With your dupes. Oh, because high.

High school and high from drugs. Real High. In a Jamaican accent. Notable alumni. Air Marshal Sir Peter Bairstow. Well, you fucking lied about Lisa Scott Lee, didn't you? Oh, whatever. Yeah, I don't know any of these people either. Yeah, you fucking lied about Lisa Scott Lee, didn't you? Oh, whatever. Yeah, I don't know any of these people either.

Yeah, I don't think anyone's lying about Chet Evans going to this school. Who the fuck is Camille Lyon? Chedellian? Ched Evans was the subject of my dissertation. Yeah, we've spoke about that before and we've offered our opinions on it. I don't want to do it again I don't know what that is

email in your schools anyone from Hutton Grammar would like me to come and speak at the school I don't want to and Cardinal Heeman Heeman Cardinal Heenan Adam will come and he's looking for a mural as payment yeah

on the opposite wall to Steven Gerrard they're not painting over Stevie G are they there isn't a Steven Gerrard mural either there is in PA

yeah where in the little fucking corridor walking from where you'd pay for footy down to the gym he's painted on the wall now

I think your mural should be next to the tuck shop oh and just like you there isn to the tuck shop. Oh. And just like you. There isn't a tuck shop. That's how I made all my money. Yeah.

Did you have a tuck shop in school? Yeah. Really, yeah? It's so 80s. Like Grain Jill. I think they should open a tuck shop and call it the Adam Rowe tuck shop. I take that. Fucking inventive name, innit?

I love when his eyes are full of hope Adam Rowe Tuck Shop what do you think of that Dan I think it's pretty standard fair naming of a Tuck Shop the Adam Rowe memorial

rowdy bags shove it up your fucking ass Nadia from Big Brother Tuck Shop that'd be a well better name no I think it should be

fuck Carl's mum in a baggy ball Adam Rowe tuck shop I like that one it's what you want isn't it

it's what you want no baggy ball what's the fucking shot coming over here for

it's what he wants isn't it? It isn't. You said that and now he wants it. Like a child. Why don't you get Carl's mum to be a personal trainer? What? She's busy.

Is she? Yeah. Do you not think she'd make you a good personal trainer? No. Has she ever tried to mother you a bit? Like, you know. No, she has not tried to mother me a bit. She doesn't live with him.

No, I mean, because, you know, after his mum died, did his mum step up? Did old Barbara Regler ever step up? Barbara Regler? I've just made up her fucking name. Her name's June.

It's not June either. Right, whatever. June. Has she ever been like, Adam, don't worry, love, you can come round to ask for spaghetti. I mean, he's always welcome, but she's never verbalised it.

She's not arsed. No. It'd be quite weird, that, wouldn't it? She's fairly arsed, but she's never gone, hey, verbalised it. She's not arsed. No. It'd be quite weird, that, wouldn't it? She's very arsed, but she's never gone, hey, if you want some spaghetti, get it ours. No. But he knows he's welcome for spaghetti. Yeah.

If ever he wants it. She's always been nice to you. Now that he's said that, I'm going to turn up next week and be like, where the fuck's my spaghetti? And I won't have told her. Adding to the comedy. Yeah, I think the Adam Rowe tuck shop could be a thing. You know how they've named one of the stands at Anfield

after Kenny Dalglish because he's our best ever player? Well, I was the best ever seller. Nah, that's not true. Jock Elam was. Or Fabian. Fabian. Fabian?

Fabian. Do you think Fabian? Yeah, I'm going with that for me. No, Fabian. Not good for the listeners, this is it, but yeah. More names from the past. What about fucking

Joshua and Basil I loved it he just had oh is it any name it's because it's literally how it feels this is how it feels

when you start doing memories from the Wazo Wawawawaw Wawaw what about rapey Kev the rapey Kev

sucks you up what about ass raper Graham nah he's busy any murderers in your school Dan The rapey Kev sucks you up. What about ass-raper Graham? Nah, he's busy. Any murderers in your school, Dan? Yeah, loads. Loads.

Well, there's at least three in ours. No, we never had... I don't think so. In our year. Yeah, we're not going to name them. No, but there's... I'm pretty disconnected from my school, man. I fucking left preston as quick as i could and i don't know i've never been to a i don't do we even do you do even school reunions

like is that a thing i'm at the age though where that shit will start happening because so after sean lock died i arranged to go for a curry with some of the guys i started stand up with we did it last week actually it was really nice who did you go with? So John Cooper, Jonathan Mayer, Lee Martin, Roz from XS, and Steve Chaniasky. Guys that I literally, my first few gigs in Manchester. And it was because of that chat we had about Sean Locke. Now, even five years ago, I'd have been like, yeah, it was a few years back.

They were nice guys. But it's just got to that point where it's like 15 nearly 20 years ago where all of a sudden it feels like an eternity and and it's kind of important I don't know what what happens as it just ticks over a little bit I wouldn't be surprised if in the next few years I get a school reunion thing because it's nearly 25 years since I since I left at 16. Do you think you're the most successful out of your year? No, I don't think so.

Because we had some smart lads. We had one physicist who worked on the, what's the Hydron Collider in Switzerland? Really, yeah? Yeah, so I think me having 6,000 patrons is good, but he's trying to advance human knowledge. Yeah, but how much has he actually achieved, though? Well, to try and be funny, just about a minute ago,

I started talking about ass-raper Graham. So I think, even though he might not have solved every problem with, you know, science and... But has he solved any? Or has he just been given a lot of money? Because I think a lot of scientists are sort of living off the title of their job well i don't know what he does but exactly you hear hydron collider and i don't think he's a knobhead yeah but what if he's just like the cleaner and he's yeah no he's not though is he he's not the cleaner at the hydron collider

yeah yeah do you have to have a fucking physics degree to be a cleaner at the Hydron Collider? You probably do. I don't even know what I'm saying. Yeah. You probably do. I think you have to be a local cleaner. No, they're not just getting fucking Janice and the girls in to clean the Hydron Collider.

End the world by pressing the wrong button. Oh, bloody hell. Don't think the cleaners have to have a physics degree, boys. I bet you do. To have clearance to be in the room with a machine that could end humanity, probably have to have a physics degree. Right. But what?

Just not a very good one? Yeah. Like, you've got a physics degree, and we want you working on the- But it's from John Moores. The Hydro Collider. But what am I going to be doing here, now that I've travelled over to a different country to be part of this? Oh, my God.

Here's the fucking gif. It takes 100 people with vacuums to clean a large... 100 people with vacuums in a vacuum? Hard-on collider. I thought it was a hydron collider. It's hard-on. Hadron. Hadron.

Wow. Wow. Yeah, so I don't know, man. I think I've done the best in stand-up out of my year. I reckon you're putting yourself down, you know? I reckon this fucking, whatever his fucking name is, the guy working over there, one of the, they haven't done anything.

Do you know what I mean? If he put a fucking live show on sale to talk about that, he's not selling fucking... Would you want to go for a pint with him? I don't even want to go for a pint with him. I wouldn't want to watch a film about the cunt. I don't even want to drink with him. I don't know what he does.

I literally don't know what he does. But I bet he know what he does. I literally don't know what he does. But I bet he knows what you do. Because you don't know what he does, he's a knobhead. No. Oh, he's a knobhead. Oh, he's got a really good degree from Oxford, but I don't understand degrees from Oxford, so he's a bellend. No, I'm not saying he's a knobhead.

I'm saying he's got the potential to be one. We're sat here talking about the potential to be knobheads. Fucking hell. Hot to be knobheads. Fucking hell. Hot calling kettle knobhead. He knows you. Yeah. Well, he does because we went to school together.

We were at my mate Alistair's wedding a few years back. Right. And he'd be like, you're still doing comedy? I was like, yeah, yeah. What are you doing? Were you both day guests

or was one of you a night guest? We were both day. Both day. If there's a wedding next week, who's getting more chat? Who's more popular? Yeah. You.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not trying to take that away. Very likeable what we do, isn't it? But I'm just saying, just, you know, he's doing all right, isn't he? I'm just trying to give props

to someone that's doing something. I don't give a fuck. I don't know. It's science, isn't it? It is mad, the Hadron Cloud, don't it? They've just't know it's science isn't it it is mad the hadron class owner they've just just trying to twat particles into each other trying to end dead fast essentially they're trying what are they trying to replicate the big bang right but there's a percentage

likelihood that a black hole opens that would destroy the way now i'm starting to think yeah you do need some qualifications to be the cleaner yeah yeah do. You can't just be like one of them fucking guys that's got the trolleys in Sainsbury's. I've got the vacuum. Imagine how much that machine's worth. You can't have some knobbers. Malcolm,

come away from the buttons. I'm shiny. He's not allowed in, is he? No, he's not allowed in, is he? No. Malcolm.

So there you go. Now that we've established your mate's the cleaner, it's definitely better to be you. We've established he's the cleaner. I'm looking forward to that reunion. Excuse me, Dan, I've got some questions. I'll come with you.

Because I think what's happening here is you're not saying it with your chest how successful you are. This is fucking massive, this thing, mate. Yeah. You're one of those. Mate, I'm saying it with your chest how successful you are this is fucking massive this thing mate yeah you're one of those well mate I'm absolutely fine with where I am in my career

like the last two years has been a massive upgrade in that I just I think it's a bit eggy going back to hang out with your schoolmates and be like

how many divorces have you got exactly so you're gonna do the reunion you can just be humble Dan and I'll be your hype man for the reunion oh my god

disrespectful like Flavor Flav yeah big fucking clock on you I'll be behind you you can just be humble dan and i'll be your hype man for the reunion oh my god respectful like flavor slave yeah big fucking clock on you i'll be behind you you can be like oh yeah podcast doing okay you know we're just doing another 6 000 patrons motherfucker how many you got fuck your particles yeah yeah go vacuum a fucking hate drunk collider bitch hey get your dental and fucking clean the button bitch, you can be that nice to him. You can be like, oh,

mate, I think what you're, like, obviously, we're just having a laugh in Runcorn, but you're working in Switzerland.

It's incredible what you're doing. I'll be going, you're a glorified window cleaner, motherfucker. And you can just be like, oh,

ignore him. But deep down, you're like, thanks for not. Ignore him. I hired him. I brought him along. Give him a lift.

Ignore him. Hey, Dan, it's great to see you. Who's this with you? Sorry, just, that's my hype man

Fuck you motherfuckers How many fucking guests Did you have At your Hydron Collider Thank you show Woo woo Yes mate That's what I need

I need you Yeah Right let's organise The fucking reunion Yeah Do you want me to come to yours Or Yeah

You can do Yeah I'll be honest I'll be honest If you want me to come to yours or you can do I'll be honest if you want me to lose weight book in a school reunion and I am back on the fucking protein bars that might be good book in a Cardinal

Heenan school reunion is a little we said a few years ago we were going to organise an illegal rave at the old six form house we were going to organize uh an illegal rave at the old six form house right we're going to break in right we just watched project x right okay cool adam you don't go to legal raves it would be you listen to noughties and 90s pop so it would be really out of character like have you heard aboutowe? Yeah, he really likes Bewitched

And the soundtrack from Hamilton But when it comes to school reunions He likes to break in and do underground illegal raves No, when I say No, it's above ground When I say illegal rave When I say illegal rave What I mean is

The illegal bit is the breaking in And the rave bit would be the songs that i like like it's not it's not massive setup everyone on bills this is alexander hamilton the fourth game president yeah i'm going to tell you about history thomas edison basically in our school you have the main school building and there's a listed building on site called Layfield House oh

that was our sixth form yeah I love Layfield House and that's where our sixth form classes predominantly were okay and we wanted to break into that and have a party in there

right cool I think we still can if anyone's watching ignore this yeah don't worry about this but if one night in the next few months

you hear C'est la vie coming from over the Layfield house. Say you will, say you won't. But then you remix it with a bit of Usher. I think that you should. I feel like me da. Are you serious?

I think. What a remix. I think the term rave is being really loosely used. An illegal party then? An illegal children's party. Sorry. Discoteque. An illegal party then. An illegal children's party. Sorry. Discotheque. Yeah.

An illegal underground discotheque. Yeah. Right, cool. Well, if we book that in, I'm going to lose some weight for that, yeah. Cool. I'm up for that. We'll do it.

And Finn can sing at the rave. It's a band at the rave. Say la vie. Sound check. at the rave it's a band at the rave sail avi sound chair that was one of our more stupid sections

I honestly don't know how we manage to do this every week come up with fucking degree you fucking collider cleaner.

Such an intelligent lad. Oh, God. You know there's a disturbance in the force when it's me doing an ad read because I don't do this shit normally. But Manscaped have dropped a new ad. It's important. We love these guys.

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Carl, can you shave pets? Don't shave your pets' balls. Just use it on yourself. 20% off plus free shipping at manscaped.com using the code W 20 all right good oh oh we're not done well with the starts have we no no okay i just think it's quite funny that we know so little about the equipment we use in the studio that before we had a problem with carl's camera that it was quite clearly too dark the The shot on Carl and Finn fixed it.

And the first solution we came up to was to find them a university camera course rather than, should we give the lens a wipe? It's always the easiest solution. You can see me now. Hooray. Yeah, sorry about that. It's weirdly dark. It was bugging the shit out of me and we hadn't worked it out

until Carl just gave it a bit of a clean. Where the fuck is Steve? It was just as dusty as Carl's Mars Minj. My mum is really proud of me in this podcast. And one day she's going to go, do you know what? I'm going to give her the watch. And then she'll be able to back up everything I'm saying

no more spaghetti hoops for you do you know what he's not welcome though he's not really dusty I love it Tin Tina says this is important this is important guys

right says Lids need to have a word with the wife and kids cereal is great but we all know the best bit is the sugar honey chocolate abused milk.

My wife and kids throw it away, and it's breaking my heart. So Tin Tinner really needs us to have a word there. Not into sugary cereal? No, but like the post milk. What? I don't like sugary cereal. Why? I don't know why.

It's like straight cornflakes, mate. I don't like mixingary cereal Why? I don't know I just like straight cornflakes mate I don't like mixing sugar With savoury Straight facts I don't like Nutella On bread either Right That's for freaks

Right Just plain cornflakes Plain cornflakes Plain cornflakes After ten o'clock at night You're not beating it My mum used to let us Put as much sugar

As we wanted On cereal back in the day Like are you fucking mad love what what's that i think i i just lost like so much respect for you as a as you put sugar on no i buy frosties right it's done for you or cocoa pops are they no see that crunching or cornflakes no that's fucking that's naughty chat though isn't it it? Frost, every time I have Frost, I'm like, I feel like I'm breaking the rules. No. He's breaking the rules.

The absolute abusive paedophile. Sugarless cornflakes. They're great. No. They are. Yeah, they are. They are. They are.

And at late nights as well. And if you want to get fit, you can't have, you're not really meant to have cornflakes. Like they're not healthy. No, but they're better than Coco Pops. Yeah. Because I'm five years of age.

Oh no, hang on. No, Adam's right. No, I love Coco Pops. Frosties are fucking great, but you can't have them every morning as an adult. That's like Fat Man diabetic chat. I don't have any cereal very often. Right.

So like if I have breakfast, it's normally I've made toast or a bacon butty or something. Okay so like if I have breakfast it's normally I've made toast or a bacon butty or something okay if I have cereal it's on a rare occasion

and I'm not having I'm not having fucking cardboard flakes with fucking skimmed milk like you two pair of absolute cornflakes

cornflakes are good though they are semi-skimmed milk cornflakes pooh when the dick starts sometimes I get bored

with cereal so I just start sometimes I get bored with cereal so I just start like I go a bit maverick in the shop and go oh fuck it I'll try bran flakes and then you're like

oh mate being old's fucking boring that's for paedophiles that's for paedophiles but it keeps you regular muesli paedophiles yeah

yeah I'm not into um salty and savoury like do you like Nutella on bread no no if I have Nutella on bread? No. No?

If I have Nutella, I just eat it out of the jar. Out of the jar, yeah. It should come with a spoon, like a meal deal. Do you remember the Nutella jars back in the day? I do, with the little sticks. They were like a Simpsons. No, they were like a Simpsons. They had Simpsons on it. And then when you ate all the Nutella, you got a freak cup.

It was a little Simpsons cup. I don't know. I don't remember that now. Cup, cup, cup, cup. What are the, what's the little pots where you have chocolate in half and then a little,

like the little, what are they called? Dip? Oh, choc dips. Choc dips? Choc dip. Oh,

they were fucking good, weren't they? They were like, they were like, you know when you go for like fine dining and you have like a pre-appetizer? That's what that is is but the dessert version of it

there's fucking nowhere near enough in it you need a full jar of Nutella and a spoon yeah and breadsticks yeah but

you could be a fucking animal of a mum to be like right it's what he wants it's what he wants Saturday morning I just give him a tub of Nutella

and a spoon Saturday afternoon. OD. It's like this, honestly. Final score's on and he's having a fucking insulin fit. What's your go-to chocolate bar in the shop? Like, it's just not even, you're not looking and going, I'll have that, it's the, I'm getting this.

Dairy Milk Marvelous Creations with the pop and candy and the jelly beans. Yeah. Nice. Cadbury's double decker I like, and I like a boost. Anyone? Anyone? You look really well today. That's a boost.

No, it's Kinder Bueno. It's got to be for me. Regular, not white. What about you, Finn? White Kinder Bueno. It's too messy. The little bits go everywhere I think that

I can eat because I'm an adult I don't need to get the bits everywhere whoa Finn when did you grow a fucking pair of buenos I've never

I've never seen Finn do a even an attempted slam on anyone just sick of his shit yes go on Finn we'll give you our own mic as long as you give it back to him. All right.

Talk about his mum. Your mum. I've not met her, but from what I've heard, slag. I follow his sister on Instagram. It's game over. Oh, my God!

From what I've heard! What's his name? You're getting it. Finn! Where did that come from? Growing a pair. Such a nervous slam as well. I've not met her, but...

I'm not saying this is my opinion. But, you know, people are talking. And, uh, come goes on, huh? Finn's mask getting shagged. Did you, when you cleaned off that lens, did you also dust off his balls? Because he's just found them. His mask be dusting my balls.

Oh, 4K on his balls. I think next record they should swap seats. So. Has there been a change of power? Nope. But when you have the Cocoa Pops and the Frosties, you drink the milk after, don't you? He's right.

He's right. Because it's all the good stuff's left in the milk, isn't absolutely yeah totally etta's just discovered that and it's it's brutal to watch but finishes with her and she's like it's fucking hard work it goes delicious but i appreciate it but it sounds like he wants to fucking drink everyone in the families and that's a bit much i think if you've got a family of four and you're like don't throw your milk away I'm the milk monster oh no that does look bad Goldilocks where's I get that out of the basin yeah that's bad

yeah I know but yeah grow up you can't be drinking your kids chocolate milk juice that was horrible the sentence totally made sense for what we were talking about

yeah it's just one of the worst sentences you can say do you like late night cereal that's what you're saying no not really no yeah yeah yeah oh yeah yeah a supper a supper cereal yeah i'd rather have like you're not a cereal man are you i'm like a sandwich i like an eight sandwich as well but i mean if i want to mix it up i like a late night cereal nah um i was thinking about the old um no i don't know what I'm on about What were you going to say?

Go on I was thinking about the old Christmas presents the other day And I've got a couple of things lined up For what not I did this last year And then you all got better presents

Than I got you I go early Get excited And then you best it Are we agreeing on a budget we've agreed our budget but ours is

ridiculous I might want to lower mine why because I've got a house because you're buying a house yeah but you've basically got it it's fine

let's double it I haven't paid for the house yet doesn't matter no you're not going to make any difference you're paying cash the 100 quid we'd lower to buy isn't going to make any difference

I was going to say make it 300 That's a lot of money innit It is yeah Innit Yeah Eight Grand

Sign up for patreon.com What did you get from From Car of Christmas A second hand Ford Focus I would love that And we just rag it round The showcase car park Let's just go halfs on a car 100% I'd do that. And we just rag it around the showcase car park.

Let's just go halfs on a car. 100% I'd do that. Let's buy a quad that we share. Oh no. Don't be quad nonces. I mean, ride it over the

Ford Focus. Fucking a-holes. You know you don't have to make that noise while you're riding. I wish for death for all quad riders. Die.

That's at the traffic lights do you never do that at mcdonald's drive-thru just to entertain yourself when they like okay go to the next window i go just to look like a weird i know it's funny though you know what i do at mcdonald's all the time it's not even my joke but i just love doing it done it with you a couple of times done it with sam today i asked them for some up chuck you know what I do at McDonald's all the time? It's not even my joke, but I just love doing it. I've done it with you a couple of times. I've done it with Sammy today. I asked them for some upchuck. You know, when they're like, do you want any sauces?

I go, can I have some upchuck? And they go, what's upchuck? I go, nothing, what's up with you? I really, really, really enjoy it. Or updog. Yeah. The fucking dad jokes on the non-dad. Yeah.

What's updog? Nothing. Don't drive away. You go, that's stupid. Have you got any updog? What's up, dog? Nothing. Don't drive away. You go, that's stupid. Have you got any up, dog? What's up, dog? If you want to see absolute comedy at its best, the American office where Jim Halpert teaches Steve Carell the what's up, dog thing, and he goes,

have you got any up, dog? And he goes, what's up, dog? Nothing. How about you? And he goes, that's brilliant brilliant and then he goes around the office and no one plays the game with him and watching someone who's a bit stupid not be able to do it is amazing like you got any up doc no i'm busy what's good with you If you could gift anything to each one of us, what would it be? No budget.

No budget. What's the ultimate gift? And would you accept it? The gift of lifelong joy. Right. Oh, so we're going sort of like an idea. You go conceptual. Dan, my gift to you is to be less racist.

There you go. Well, I do not accept your gift, you honky piece of shit. That's to be an upper limit, otherwise you'd just say yacht, wouldn't you? Yeah, but do I want to accept a yacht? Yeah. Why? Why not? Why wouldn't you want a yacht?

Where am I putting my yacht? Selly? Are you the billionaire? So what? Where's the yacht? Are you dropping it off? I'll put my yacht sally so you're a billionaire so what where's the yacht are you dropping it off i'll put the yacht in any country when we had the garden office built my driver my driver my um the driver of the van parked in front of my neighbor's drive for about three seconds and he's still not right with me he lost his shit where's the yacht going you put it

in the south of france or something and then people use it until you put it in the south of france what am i oh yeah because i've got that lot in the south of France or something and then people use it until you... I put it in the south of France? What, in my lot? Oh, yeah, because I've got that lot in the south of France. If you go, Dan, there's the deeds for a yacht. Where the fuck is the yacht? I'll go, I bought it in the south of France. What about the river in Chester? Oh, right, so it's a rented space.

And you go, right, it's like a timeshare, but you own as much as you want. Right. You own it, you can do whatever you want with it. So part of the present is the place where it's moored yeah nice one I'm accepting River Dee in Chester

next to the Lady Diana yeah there's actually a fucking tourist boat in Chester called the Lady Dee yeah yeah we can't say

Yock is born in it let's keep it under 50 grand right I like the conceptual ones everlasting joy for you and your family apart from one family member who dies within the next six months do you accept do you want to get you done i get you and the family around the world trip with a nanny

you had me at nanny so the hope for the two three months it's the very end of the sentence no you got me that was that was a joke for the whole time you were away

if you just get me a nanny we are friends for so long but I want an owner are you travelling the world I want a slave

I want childcare slave I'd get you a hot air balloon skydive I'm out you world. I want a slave. I want childcare slave. I'd get you a hot air balloon skydive. I'm out. You will be. I want the nanny. That's a fucking amazing.

I don't even want to go around the world. I literally go to the East Midlands and back as long as we get the, just want a nanny. Okay, I'll get you a personal appearance, including photograph and memorial key ring with former Premier League footballer nanny. Could you imagine if you had Nani

as a Nani? I'm not playing for Sporting Lisbon anymore. I'm looking at the kids in Sargal. No, you get to go around the world wherever you want.

Nice. But you've got somebody who looks after the kids when you want to do something. Oh, mate. Brilliant. What are we doing? Genuinely,

what will we do about the podcast then? We'll be on tour with you Adam will be the nanny I don't want to be the nanny I'm paying you 50 grand that's your gift I want the 50 grand right

I reject the gift I'd rather have ex-premier league footballer nanny who looks like a zombie and a paedophile at the same time

than him in charge of my kids what what what are we giving Adam what and a paedophile at the same time than him in charge of my kids. What are we giving Adam? Conceptual or actual gift? 50 grand. Ash? Probably a music experience.

You haven't really experienced much live music, have you? An iPod. A big iPod. 50 grand iPod. You get to go on tour with your favourite band for a month. Okay. Oasis aren't really doing much at the minute. Your favourite musician then.

It's good drinking that. I think Oasis are really looking forward to having this guy on tour. Fucking hell, you can't even drink Vimto, you're not bad. I pay for S Club 7 to come back together and rename them S Club 8 and you're the eighth person. Holy shit. And that might challenge us

for Christmas number one. And you release an album together. S Club 8. And I could be the lead singer on Never Have A Dream Come True, which I was bought for Christmas by my mum back in the day. Exactly. Can we just do it acapella? never have a dream come true which i was bought for christmas by my mom back in the day right exactly can we just do it acapella why are you doing the nodding dog thing

that's my style oh is it nodding dog yeah me stage name is noddy hold on Noddy Ro Noddy Ro Never had a dream Come true Since the day that I Made you S Club 7 are going to love this shit aren't they S Club 8

Oh S Club 8 now We're called Nod Club 8 now Nod Club 8 I've got everyone doing it with me the whole of s club seven minute right i've got some great gifts there what are you getting me what am i getting you uh better sense of humor uh no that sounded like i'm absolutely digging that. Genuinely, a Jepa. Would you accept it? If he bought me a Jepa.

No, I've got it. I've got it. I've got it. Fuck the 50 grand limit. Your own full five-a-side pitch at the back of your house. It opens up. It's floodlit. There's changing rooms. Is there a net behind the goal?

Oh, full. It's a roof net as well. It literally opens up and there's a little stand for Serica and your mum and your dogs. There's even stadium seats for your dogs. Do you know what would top it off? Oh, and a little bit of car parking so they don't have to park on your driveway. Can I have a goalkeeper that I'll rent? Like, he just goes and goes.

So you never have to go and go? Yeah. Well, why don't we double up? Because Etta's at school sometimes, so Nani's free. So I owe Nani, the footballer, so he can come and play five. He needs to run around.

He's doing my childcare and he can come and play. What goalkeeper would you have if we could... If you could own a goalkeeper? You'll see Askeleinen. Probably you, see Askeleinen. Or Black Guzan. Best goalie for him. Yeah. Shaka Hizlop? Good goalkeeper. probably UC Escalina or Black Guzan best goalie for him yeah

Shaka Hizlop good goalkeeper I want a really good goalkeeper as well so I have to score a whack at it for it to go in not too good though

no dead good Oliver Kahn right so you've got Oliver Kahn living at the bottom of your garden yeah I want a big net

behind the goal or whatever I want infinite footies and a boss goalkeeper and I can just score three kicks all night that's a great gift thank you

that makes up for the really eggy better sense of humour line that I didn't mean or footy pitch in my basement like in the Olympic Stadium

in Berlin beautiful I think we get Finn is his own WeTransfer subscription so he doesn't have to use mine anymore.

I thought you were going to say his microphone, but that's off the table. Wouldn't fit on the table. That's why he's not got one, guys, and it's funny. I'd give you a flat in Liverpool. Thanks. I think you need to move out of real move to Liverpool you're right

the other night when we were walking back from the thing I was like fucking on one I was like this is what you need to do with your life

a fat 40 year old telling you how to sort your life out I was like you need to get a flat in Liverpool and start crushing some puss

so that you are the number two choice of Wales goalkeeper I am better than Wayne Hennessy, I'm not going to lie. Why would you do that? Because he wants to be a goalkeeper

and he's Welsh. Yeah. But why number two? Wow. What a cruel Christmas present that is. Who's number one at the minute? Danny Ward. He's pretty good.

Yeah, Danny Ward's good. Got to be realistic about it. Yeah. The fuck is Danny Ward? Who does he play for? He plays for Liverpool and now plays for Leicester. He's back up to a Casper Schmecker. The Wales national goalkeeper is back up to a Premier League footballer.

Yeah, but he's good. He is good. Alright, cool. Is he young? I think he's like 26. That's young for a goalie, that. Yeah, they come... Still got 12 years in that.

Oh, easy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, Merry Christmas. Thank you. So a flat and number two Wales goalie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, Merry Christmas. Thank you. So flat and number two Wales goalie. Yeah.

Should we go and watch Wales play? I'd like to go and watch Wales play. I'd like that. Where do they play? In Cardiff? Yeah. Do they sometimes play in Wrexham? Very, very occasionally.

Oh, we're defo getting tickets for that. We should just go to Wrexham anyway. It's good. Can I have a bigger dick actually for Christmas? No. Probably be a lister. We could get you a pill

that makes Laura think you've got a bigger dick. Oh, wow. What pill's that? You've just made it up. Pfizer were quite quick getting the corona virus. I reckon if we tell them that's what we're after, they could do quite quickly. It's like a hallucinogen,

but you just see bigger dicks. Only on you, that makes everyone else's dick look small. Like in Patterson, you've got an absolute fucking meat wallet. Yeah, so I'm just pounding away with my 3.8 to 4.2 inch penis. She's like, what?

Yeah. Can the pill also make her scowls for no reason? Fucking hell! Like a fucking fucking bronco! Would you want that? What? What would you do if you were having sexual intercourse

with Laura and she started doing a Scouse accent I'm telling you right now she will never do that and I keep saying things more Scouse she just laughs at me

because when I met her seven years ago I was like I'm fucking done with Liverpool place is pissing me off I hate Baby Blue full of Muppets don't enjoy any gigs in liverpool then hot water started and i started

enjoying it again and then you and me all of us lot have started working together and my life is so much more scouse and gigging in liverpool is loads of fun because hot water is amazing i'm working with you we've done our thank you shows so and all of a sudden I live half an hour from Liverpool but I keep saying I said jarg in conversation oh lovely fucking jarg

she's like I'm sorry what so I don't think she's gonna like fucking I'll get on me Dan go Ed how would you react shaggles

hang on that's not doesn't sound like that dick my batty up good no that's not a scouse saying is it you just started throwing words in there dick my batty up good. No, that's not a Scouse saying, is it? You just started throwing words in there.

Dick my batty up good. No, that is the only reason you've never heard it before is because only Scousers say it to other Scousers. I'm actually letting you in. You're now part of the inner circle. Has Sam said that to you? Dick my batty up good. Is it first date or second date?

Second date. Second date, you don't want to go- She needs to know I was deaf and Scouse and sound. Slap me, bitch. The deaf Scouse and sound um yeah dick my batty up good i don't think she's going to be into that be weird role play would it what you want to be what you be scouse fucking a lot get on me it's more better more better it's more better than jamaican now dig my body up good there you go what if she said that

i would love started on jamaica street in liverpool i would love can you give me the christmas present the ability to just make my wife do accents you know just like a i just get to think right she's jamaican now and she can't change it and she's like okay to have a great day at school man and all the teachers like mrs nightingale what are you doing don't worry about it my husband's a prick and he does a podcast with some bellens and apparently they're all powerful now don't worry i won't be jican very long. Do you know if you were all powerful? She would be Jamaican. Like that. Is there anyone you would...

I had made Laura say Shana Paul after every fucking time. Dan, do you want your frosty? Shana Paul. Is there anyone you would smite down? Smite? Smote? Smite? Smited?

Like when you... God can smite people, can't he? Like, wow, it's dead. African kids. Oh, you just give me... If I'm all powerful... Is there anyone you would smite?

Yeah. I'd pop Boris Johnson's head. Would you? Yeah, they'd be like, we've got terrible news from 10 Downing Street. Boris Johnson's exploded. He's been smoting. We have no explanation for him but he just popped cabinet meeting and then matt hancock exploded dick first and there's just the two of them yeah it would get weirdly suspicious that could happen and then do not fuck with me on motorways because i'll make

you explode that's how that'll go. I'd smite someone like who does a lot of charity work because then I would move up one in the ranking of the best human. I'd smite someone better than me so I'm climbing the ladder. Who are you going for? It's easier just saying Boris Johnson, isn't it?

Teddy Wogan? No, he's dead,'t he he's already dead maybe that's what happened he's been smoting mate he's already been smoted is he a famous charity worker Lenny Henry

you'd smite Lenny Henry yeah oh no if I was all powerful instead of Boris Johnson I'd just make him come out and be like I'm a paedophile

that there's been a press conference BBC News are cutting straight to Billingsden and then the latest YouGov poll would still have them up by 11 points hey hey hey politics bullshit and realism oh but if you were all powerful you could just make them

call a press conference at Downing Street and then just mid press conference make Hancock drop his pants show us Hancock drop his pants. Show us Hancock. No. And have Boris Johnson bum him. Have you not seen Bruce?

No. I'm all powerful. Have you not seen Bruce Almighty? Have you not seen Bruce Almighty? Every time he throws, I'll mess with free will. Is that a scene? Every time he thrusts, he goes,

Sean Paul. Like that. For no reason. That's not free will, is it? no reason that's not free will is it what that's not free will is it

dropping your pants yeah calling a press conference it is yeah well he makes thingy do a on the news that's a good point actually

that's actually a hole in the plot of the film yeah also we're talking about me being all powerful omnipotent we're not talking about

Evan Almighty omnipotent omnipotent that's the Scouse version. Oh, right. Poulton. Yes. Yeah.

When you have some fucking... Ibuprofen. Ibuprofen. It's Ibuprofen. Ibuprofen. I say brufen, mate. Ibuprofen. I put it even more.

It sounds like you need a fucking antithesis. Hang on. So if you were a god, the first thing you'd do is make a mic. Make Boris Johnson Bomb Matt Hancock

Oh yeah In a press conference You'll know That shit's got real Because There's a few podcasts In the country That will stop existing

And then you'll see A press conference That you will remember Son of Paul Son of Paul Son of Paul Son of Paul Son of Paul

Son of Paul Come on give it to her Come on give it to her And it's still Broadcast that What's the Scouse one? I'm not gonna do it I'm not gonna do it I need to still broadcast that what's the Scouts one I'm not going to no what's the

yeah that's what Hancock's saying and then Boris goes and he's sat in Sogol all powerful that's how you do it how do you do it you can't just sit there Laura's's how you do it five a side pitch that's it how do you do it

you can't just sit there Laura's like can you do the washing up you're like love I'm all powerful I'm just doing shit I've got to let Laura know that I'm doing all powerful stuff

Boris Johnson five a side pitch Wales number two smaller dick John O'Brien yep yep what did we have a question what are we gonna do for christmas what's the christmas budget

stands now jamaican god i want our christmas jumper to be Boris Johnson. Fucking Matt Hancock and in the speech bubble just, I shan't apart. We get there so quick as well. I don't know how we do this every week. You know,

what do you want to spend the Christmas, Cal? I shan't apart. Dick me batty up God bar it Disgraced Hell sexy Matt Hancock Chris Whitsie just What do you reckon he's doing now?

The handy cocks Can he get a job? Oh he's gone in here yeah Like what can he do for the job now? He'll probably end up on Some fucking board of a company That donated to The Tory party

Because they owe him a favour because he got them contracts. Several boards. He's an MP. So he's now... He'll be earning more money now than he was six months ago. It's all bollocks and there's nothing we can do about it. There's nothing any of us can do apart from vote.

And it doesn't fucking matter because they keep winning anyway. And they're getting further and further ahead in the polls because Keir Starmer is a big waste of cum Christmas there's nothing we can do there's nothing apart from make them bum each other

a shanty barrel there is something we can do rise up revolution style we rose up in Chester and voted Labour yeah

and I've got my first plan and tours I'm going to do that and someone else can rise up and I'll join them that's why nothing and tours I'm going to do that and someone else can rise up and I'll join them that's why

nothing's changing I would love to do a revolution two minutes two minutes on the revolution Adam we're starting to revolt

two minutes two seconds two seconds just checking Twitter Instagram ready now I'm out of rep with Mr.

Ishan Abar. Should I have one more question? Uh, no. What in cunt's name is following that? What's the budget, though, for Christmas? We need to at least finish that. Well, I don't think Dan's has to be the same as ours. No.

So ours is what, three? 300. Right, that's it then. Yeah. Right, 300. So what's our budget? 100. 150, 100.

No, it's different. We can't do it. You can do yours. You and me can set one for each other. But like, it's not fair on Carl and Finn, is it? You've just got to give what you give. Okay. Because there's different earnings here.

So 150. 150. Is that alright? Yeah. You happy with 150? Three. Yeah. Yeah.

Eight quid. Mate. You're getting more than Ste. Where's fucking Ste? In work. Yeah he is in work to be fair. He's getting a gift voucher for Dockleaf. A shiny pile. We should just a gift voucher for Dockleaf. A shatter pile.

We should just give Steve more hours for Christmas. He'd be made up. What happens if we actually get to number 17 in the charts? Do you get the money for the single? You do get the money. We should do it for charity. Don't need to have a word charity. We should do it for charity don't need to have a word charity

we should do it for a divorce charity for men who've been left by the wives I'm sure that exists what whatever the divorce charity is

right for men who get jibbed yeah there's a lot of that is there it happens yeah

it does doesn't it yeah should we pick another charity no what about dogs no that's what the song's about though visit Rwanda oh right of course

I thought you were just going to be mental then I was like what the fuck you want to know you know the way the song's about Laura leaving you for a man in Mozambique

oh that's well hang on what's the song reference cocaine can't do that Mozambique is there any Mozambique based charities probably

yeah or Chessington we should give Yeah. Or Chessington. We should give it all to Chessington Worlds of Adventures. A theme park. Yeah. We set up the Hathaway Chessington Worlds of Adventures scholarship where every year we pay for one kid to go to Chessington Worlds of Adventures. Yeah.

How much do you think this thing was going to make? 15 quid. How much do you think this single's going to make? 15 quid. What if we sent an underprivileged family to Chessington World of Adventures? That is exactly what we're doing. I've decided that I'm not having any more input. That's what we're doing.

Numerous families. If we get to number 17... No, but like a really boss. Fast pass. Yeah? They don't have to be from Physically. Hotels. Yeah. And any money left to be from physically. Yeah. Hotels. Yeah.

And it's like a kid who's like, I've always dreamed of going to Chessington. And any money left over, we'll just hire a load of whores and make them dance for us. John and Paul. The button should have been pressed so long ago, Dan. Should we do another question? Hang on long ago Should I do another question?

Hang on How long did he dance for? I feel like I can definitely follow that with a question Numbnut says I shan't be bad Pause Just load a horn Make them dance

Just dancing over there Not even recording Just in the room Should we record this? Nah nah This is just for us It's Yannibal Right?

Me gone Wag wag lids It's Dan Hope you're enjoying today's episode Do us a favour If you're watching on YouTube Like the video Me gone. next year if you want to come and see me do stand up get tickets at dannightingale.com appreciate you you're a good egg you're a good lid back to the episode alright I'm back we'll do it again

we've done more podcasts now more podcasts please more podcasts and live from next door what? it's Dean Cochlan

I'm actually just sat next door, yeah. Live streaming on my own. No, I know, but he's come in from next door because

he normally does do his podcast next door, The Mild High Club, which you should absolutely go and check out. One of us.

One of us. One of us. Not Coughlin, though, is it? Famously. What? It's Coughlin, but I just let

people say whatever they want because it's Coughlin. Yeah. So I thought it was either Coughlin or Coughlin. Coughlin, yeah. Someone brought me on. It's Coughlin. Yeah. So I thought it was either Coughlin or Coughlin. Coughlin, yeah.

Someone brought me on stage once saying colon once. And I was like, this is awful. Dean Coughlin. Essentially. Goblin. That's what I used to call it. Dean Coughlin. Yeah, I used to get called that in school.

Was that yours? No, that wasn't mine. I'd stop sucking them dicks. This is Eshan all over again. I've been saying his name wrong for years. Yeah, but this one's not racist isn't it but it's it's irish isn't it so it is a bit yeah why have you never corrected me because i have to correct everyone so just go it's dean coughlin yeah same minute so just change the spelling to make it easier for everyone just change it to c-o-g-l-i-N. And everyone will be like, that's Coglin.

Cogs. You could be Cogs. Oh, hashtag. Gone too soon. Well, my dad's Coggo. But I'm not manly enough to be a Coggo, I don't think. He got called Coggo. You could be Coggy.

My dad was obsessed that I was going to get called Nighters at school. Nighters? Yeah, first day back from high school, he was like, so did everyone call you Nighters? I was literally no one and they never did and he was like i don't understand it that's what i used to get called yeah so yeah maybe you're just did you try like i tried to get rowey going yeah never really happened never happened you just got called row i got called alan alan or power ballad best name ever

there was loads none of them were rowey though that was still my msn name no on msn messenger rowey

you're called row sometimes i suppose you know i get called row by all the comedy lads now yeah i'm row

like blair calls me rowski yeah yeah yeah yeah you can't choose your own nickname really

life doesn't work like that like paddy the baddie says what would you choose what would your nickname nickname, really. Life doesn't work like that. Like Paddy the Baddie says. What would you choose? What would your nickname be? The White Hammer, I've said it before. I'd love to be the White Hammer. What about you?

What are you going for? A nickname? Yeah. I don't know, I've thought of a fighting name. That'll do, yeah, because that's your nickname. It's your fighting nickname. Strictly Fists. Strictly Fists.

Yeah. Wow. Dean Strictly Fist Coughlin. Coughlin. Dean. Got it wrong. Dean. Dean. Wow Dean Strictly Fist Coughlin Coughlin Dean Got it wrong Dean That mate That really feels like

You take a lot of fists If you're called Strictly Fist No it's because They come at you They think Oh just fists are coming at you And then you take them down Like kick

And then you're like Oh shit Alright Dean I only punch Then kicked Yeah Strictly Fist Strictly Fist

What would my nickname be? I've already got one now, haven't I? Not given to me. Oh, it was given to me by you, Sensei. Yeah, but not that one. A funnier one. Yeah, pick one else. I don't know.

Dog lover. You need to realise that sounds like you shag dogs. I don't, though. That was another weird thing Called the dog lover I used to get called that In school as well Dog shagger

Dog lover Did you Why Someone wrote it on the bike sheds Why I don't know Were you the dog bummer In the school

Yeah probably We had one Every school had a dog bummer It was me We had me And then we had someone Who apparently Fingered his cat

With his toe Toed his cat I don't know how Them rumours start, though. I think one person goes, hey, have you heard about him? And then it's just wildfire, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. Do you have any dog chagas?

I'm trying to imagine how placid your cat has to be for you to stick your toe up its arse. They're pretty fast-moving and jumpy cats, aren't they? You just give it a sedative. Right. There you go. What if the cat back... Come on, mittens!

Oh, yeah. Can someone see it? What if the cat's throwing it back? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. And then someone knocks on your door and goes... There's going to be a walking cat in Liverpool. They're not throwing it back like it wants to.

Hey, your cat's a slag. Carl, the cat slag. That's a good nickname yeah i uh yeah you can't pick your own fucking knickers got you can't no cut now rowey you mean you can on this you've given yourself loads of nicknames i haven't you made robbie bags up no i said they don't call me rowey bags and then people start calling me that's not my fault i didn't make that up other people made it up I asked people not to do it fucking mess with you there if I was going to give myself a nickname

I think I'd be the dark destroyer oh my god that's the fellow on the chase isn't it oh no no no I think I've just worked out my nickname mine would be Paul Sinhart what the beast

the beast the uncomfortable bumhole what IBS yeah but IBS stands for something else they think it's about me arsehole but it's not I beat sausages.

And then in the build up to a fight, my mum was calling someone else a sausage. And they're like, why is he calling me a sausage? They don't know. I beat sausages. And I'm going to beat that sausage. Does sound like you're wanking all the time. I bump sex workers. Mate, how have we managed to make Strictly Fist sound

fucking amazing? As soon as Dean said Strictly was like this is a shit name and then we've just workshopped ours and like dean's got it dean's won that one punch your head in strictly fists you've ever done any fighting because you're a bit of a skater kid aren't you yeah yeah and like my perception of skater kids is that you're all just smashing each other's head and every now and then no we used to do mad like jackass type stuff yeah just like jumping off all the time um but we had one mate who was just dead hard and he just battered all these lads one time on his own and we were like should we jump in and we're like don't really think we need to here oh we're just punching everyone's heads in and then he just never with

us ever again because strictly fists with his visuals they're blowing them off what um yeah they call me strictly first but i actually sit and watch that's how i thought with people psychological what um what happened were you down at the skate park no he was in school it was like it was a year below me but uh the skater park a year below me but the lad who battled them all the year above me yeah and uh they come into the hall one day we're the wreck we're the wreck it was a year above me. And he'd come into the hall one day. We're the wreck. Sorry, go on.

He was in school, and he just started fucking with one of the lads. And the lads were just like, just leave me alone, will you? Then he got into a little bit of a scrap. And then it sort of just fizzled out. And then as we were leaving the hall, a lad carried on kicking him. He turned around, and he was like, just fuck off. Done it again. So he punched him down the stairs. And as he went down the stairs all the

lads mates like rushed up the stairs to like try and fight me mate i just see me mate coming backwards out the school or just throwing digs and then all of a sudden out of the middle of it honestly it was like the matrix out the middle of it went and he was just in the middle and he had one of them this lad punching him in the nose so many times right and his fist was just covered in blood and he looked at his hand and went smashed his head against the fence and then all his mates started coming at him and he was just like moving out the way people just going knocking people out imagine if you did that every time you put someone around it sounded like a james bond film you only fight one by one all just fucking batting them up well yeah but then so that was happening we were all just stood there

going does he need help? And then next thing, they all just, like, fizzled out. And then they just never fuck with us again because we were like, one of us battered you, so. A hard guy. Had he shown tendencies for being hard or is it secret ninja skills? No, yeah.

Oh, yeah, you knew he was hard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And literally, there was no repercussions from that fucking group battering. No, no. Because they knew. Like, he was like, oh, that fucking group battering. No, no. Because they knew. Like, it was like, oh, if one of them

battered us, like, if 10 of them jumped in, then we'd be fucked. And then, yeah, they just never... And then old Coggo was walking around

like, yeah, mate. I would never have picked fight with the skater kids because they always just seemed a bit hard for some reason. And he's had skateboards so he could beat me up

with them as well. Yeah. Can you clarify something for us though because we had an argument on this episode a while back yeah that skater kids and goths

are quite sort of closely aligned they run in the same circles Defo thank fuck you both do you think yeah no they do

because like we used to skate at the pier and the courts and that then that was all filled with like goths and emos

skaters are goths though they're not no not goths but like they were goths and emo. Skaters are. Skaters are goths though. They're not? No, not goths, but like they were goths. Moshers. I mean, weird call. That's what I was saying though. And you was calling me a lunatic and so was he.

I know, because they're not the same people, but skaters are goths to us. Yeah, they're just like closely aligned. Yeah, but if you're in school, you're not a goth, but I go, he's being the goth. Yeah. In a friendly way. We were moshers.

Moshers. In school, yeah. Don't know why. How old are you? 30.h. Yeah. In a friendly way. We were moshers. Moshers. Yeah. Don't know why. How old are you? 30. What? Yeah. Is that good or bad?

Good. You're 30. You thought he was younger? Yeah. Yeah. He's right. I thought you were like 24. I'm not even messing.

I actually thought you were like 25, 26. Yeah. That's good, isn't it? Smashing it, lad. Yeah, man. Lavender oil. Nice. Not a mosher anymore,

are you, sweetheart? No, no, no. Yeah, are you Shearberg Arthur a mosher?

He's a, sorry, Carla spoke of you. He's a washer. A washer? Yeah. Do you use any sort of essential oils

and stuff? Sam's trying to get me into it. No, no, no. Sometimes charcoal, charcoal face wash.

I do. But that, but no, not a load of stuff. What's she she getting you into she's just trying to manscape me a bit manscape.com slash have a word pod or trying to shave your face um word 20 um she she plucked me eyebrows before the apollo yeah good like i was about to leave the hotel room she went come here in a minute she grabbed me no no but genuinely I'm not trying to but they were getting a bit mad yeah they were getting a bit mad

like your eyebrows look older than you yeah but my eyebrows are sort of part of who I am I think they were taking over a bit they're just part of my identity though right you could be looking at me

from a distance like who's that and then you see my eyebrows you're like oh no you'd see your eyebrows first you'd be like oh who's this is this yeah yeah what he's just said an iranian librarian what oh did he say eyebrows first yeah yeah he said you'd spot him from his iranian librarian something no i think they were taking over you know like tom hardy and venom i just feel like they were getting a bit like overpowering

like a lot of your face was becoming eyebrow so i think she's done you a solid there yeah do you wash your head with your face stuff sometimes yeah yeah genuinely yeah sometimes the same skin isn't it yeah i and i give my if i'm really myself, I'll give my beard a little bit of a shampoo with Laura's. Oh, I shampoo my beard. Right. Yeah. Isn't all skin the same as your face skin though?

We've got hair on top of it. You can't wash it out with fucking face wash. What about your arms? No, because you're in the shower. He washes his arms in the sink. What? But you don't wash your face in the shower? No, I'm saying if he's washing his face in the sink.

No, I wash my face in the shower. I don't wash, it's not a separate thing. I wash my face while your face in the shower? No, I'm saying if he's washing his face in the sink. No, I wash my face in the shower. I don't wash my face. It's not a separate thing. I wash my face while I'm in the shower. I don't use sinks for faces. I don't use sinks for faces. I use sinks for teeth, not faces. Where do you stop?

I don't just give it, you know. Just go all over. Yeah. Do you stop, like, an inch from your hair? No, but I don't wash my hair with face stuff. Is that mad? No. No? No, because it don't wash my hair with face stuff. Is that mad? No. No?

No, because it's different for me. I've got no hair. That's why I'm asking you a separate question. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's been an idiot. Have I brought the IQ down? Dean doesn't look like he...

Do you wash your hair? He said, do you wash them? You look like you put it in place about five years ago and it's just stayed there. No, I wash it every day. I just don't do anything to it because i can't be arsed i went through loads of different stages of different hairstyles i saw you with long hair for the first time of the day you look good with longer like longer people used to call me steve ioki though and i was like i don't

know how you're right what you mean do you love dino i just respect him god you look so good for your age he's a hair man and he looked great with long hair have you ever seen a picture he's got long long long hair when i went traveling it was like down to here i had a big beard and my passport i had like a short back and sides and no hardly any beard so every time i'll go through the passport office they'd be like the fuck's happened to you oh my god the way or something you do look a bit white al-qaeda look at you did you look at him if you were like yeah dean's white al-qaeda jih at you. Al-Qaeda. Did you look at him? If you were like, yeah, Dean's wife, but he's Al-Qaeda. Jihadi Dean. One of my mates said, I've got like an Arabic nose.

You've got a bit of an Osama nose. But then it gave me a bit of a complex about that. So every time I see a picture of myself, I'm like, my nose looks fucking massive there, doesn't it? That's lovely. You went travelling? Yeah. You went travelling.

Where did you get to? Went to Australia, China, Thailand. When was this? 2015. Oh, okay. So you're about 25? Yeah. Sort of around there.

Australia, China? China, yeah. China's a scary place. Is it? Yeah. Why? Because we turned up thinking, well, it was me really.

I thought I... I haven't been yet. I've been to a few Chinatowns. Yeah. Is this when you went with Amy? Yeah. Who does the Mild High Club with you? We, I naively thought like people over there

would understand Chinese, English. Yeah. But we got there to this airport in the middle of a place called Guiyang and nobody spoke English at all. But all the signs were in English. So we went over to the tourist information, and they all just looked at us.

We were like, we don't know where to get the bus, and we've got no money. And he just went, picked up the phone, and just pretended like we weren't there. We stood there like, what do we do? We didn't know what to do. What did you do? We went to the police station in the airport

and there was a woman in there who was learning English. And how did the conversation go? We was like... He got to this woman with Rosetta Stone on. Wait there. Hello? Oh, Dean did it. The girl did it for you, Dean.

Yeah, that's all right. She had been learning English. So we just asked her, like, oh, is there any currency exchange? And she was like, no. But we're like, well, in an airport, you'd expect there just to be a currency exchange, wouldn't you? Yeah. But then she got us on this bus that was taking us to a train station for free.

So where were you going to? You were at the airport. We were trying to get to Chengdu. Because we went to a a bear rescue center i've i've clipped the bears claws mad did you go to china with no chinese money none yeah not clever that was the way i got chinese money was defo illegal as well go on like i went into a bank i went into one bank and they were like oh you need to go to this bank so i went to the next bank and then they're like now you go to another one so i went around like four banks and then i got to the one where they actually could like because i had an australian card and it was all australian dollars so i got to one where they were like

oh yeah we can do that yeah we just need your passport and i was like i haven't got my passport it's in the hotel so as i was leaving someone called me back and she was like what you want what have you got and i was like australian dollars and she went okay yeah opened a duffel bag full of cash what worked out the conversion rate and just give me cash out of a duffel bag and i just went all right see you later by defo like laundered money or something what the fuck just happened there i don't know you buy I was just so happy to have money you buy currency

like you buy weed that's how that's how committed you are to the stoner lifestyle even at the Bureau de Change you're like

I really prefer it in a plastic bag yeah it's pulled up in a little box at the Bureau de Change in Chengdu no I don't think

what do they call it I don't think they do either do they no that's a silly thing to say unless i hang on i said it on purpose to be funny but hang on did you know i said it on purpose to be funny i think you know he knows i knew that er lads

imagine how dodgy it's mad if you've no passport you can't get money and then just fucking barrel out the back don't worry about that I've got a fucking

duffel duffel bag of cash get on that this woman she gets a bow barrel you know you alright you alright

Adam's school last week where you going the Chendong fucking bear exchange she was running comedy clubs a couple of weeks ago with shit mainstream acts on

now she's crawling out of cupboards in Chinese banks she's self employed this is what it's like under a Tory government you've got to fucking hustle you've got to do

what you can innit so you went to a bear rescue centre yeah you fucking hippie I love it the bears need rescuing. In China, they do.

In China, they do it. I hate talking about it because it's just dead depressing. Hang on, hang on. We'll make it audible. We'll be fine. You know the Chinese medicine and that? They do all that mad shit

like rhino horn and all that. You do bear bile, which is like they trap these bears in cages and put a thing from them and just drain the bile out of them. Make them sick? Or out of the stomach? Right out of the stomach.

Right, okay. So a woman rescued a load of them. What, they do? They drain bears? Yeah. Hey, listen to me, China, you horrible cunts. You're not draining bears. What does that even do?

They put it in medicine. The views and opinions of Dan Nightingale do not represent the views and opinions of Dan Nightingale do not represent the views and opinions of Hathaway Pod well they fucking should do China

you dirty horrible cunts just stop draining bears awful I'm not even with rhino horn you'd be like

catch a rhino you can do what you want to it not fucking little bears so anyway they've been rescued and we went to see like went to the rescue and that was pretty cool we uh how many bears did they saved there's about 50 out there loads right and you got to shave its fucking paws i went in on on an operation

of a bear yeah and trimmed its claws and like took its pulse through its tongue and everything while it was out. Was it a wee? Oh, it was hot. Are we talking grizzly, brown, polar? They're called moon bears. Moon bears? Yeah, because they've got a white crest on the body.

Right. What kind of bear is it though? It's called a moon bear. Is it brown? It's black with a white crest of moon on its chest. Even for us, this is one of the most ridiculous conversations. What type of bear did you shave? Polar?

Grizzly? Black? Brown? Moon? Paddington? Cuddly? Pooh? Hello?

Yogi. Yogi. So you were involved in a bear operation pretty much yeah right you didn't let me do too much though no what was amy doing at the time clipping the other part what for are we having a boss time it's clipping nails off left right and center because you're into animal rights aren't you that's how you jam i mean it's no kind of i don't eat meat yeah but i'm not like i don't like eddie brimson going fucking breaking foxes out of cages and that whatever he done yeah yeah that yeah but it all makes sense though doesn't it all of that stuff you're like it does make sense yeah yeah because if i didn't

know people were draining bears maybe i'd be an animal activist if there was more bear draining. In the UK. If I saw a fox hunt, I'd love, what, a tori on a horse? I'd love to sabotage that shit. Yeah. It's not the horse's fault, you have to be careful. If you're going to attack them, you have to make sure the horse is okay. Yeah, that's true, isn't it?

If you went saving a fox and damaging a horse yeah but the potato potato the horse is part of it though innit the horse is being ridden by a Tory

yeah but against its will the horse didn't grow up being like I want to be a Tory horse I mean it does sound like a Tory though what do you think

about immigration that's my xenophobic horse do you think this should be an open border that's what the xenophobic horse would say it's also quite a good Boris Johnson impression as well Anna Freddie Quinn what animal would you like to help maintain like you did bears Johnson impression as well. And a Freddie Quinn. What animal would you like to help maintain?

Like you did bears. Any animal you want to help? Lions, I think. Want to help the lions? Lions, it's the king of the jungle, isn't it? If you had to do work experience at Chester Zoo and you had to be in charge

of one of the animals for two weeks work experience, you're going lions. I'm going lions. You're going one of the ones that two weeks work experience, you're going lions. I'm going lions. You're going one of the ones that can eat you because you're on your phone. No, but... Two seconds, two seconds.

That's Adam's leg gone. Two seconds. No, but like, lions are notoriously very loyal. And if you gain their trust, they'll do anything for you. You're on a two week work experience. Adam's first day was pretty good he won the trust straight away

Nick one of the baby the lion cubs just get them on side don't you like you give them a bit more meat than they normally

get at dinner and they're like fucking hell sound them slipping them the meat give him you give the a bit more meat than they normally get at dinner and they're like fucking hell sound them slipping them the meat yeah give them you give the lions

like when you go to get their dinner and it's like right we've got six lions so we need 12 steaks you just go do us a favour give us 18 steaks you pay it off in the kitchen

pay it off Beryl how many steaks do you want though just got back from Chengduing fucking hell I've been working at a Halifax bank in China Beryl, how many steaks do you want, though? Just got back from Chengduing. Fuck yeah. I've been working at a Halifax bank in China. Kicked me out for fucking dealing cash.

Bastards. Fucking horrible bear-draining cunts. Opened a duffel bag full of steaks. You slide it in some Australian dollars. She gives you six extra steaks. Yeah. And you just give the lions But you Like look at the lions And

You give them the two steaks They normally get And then they're like Oh fucking That was nice That nice one You go aye A bit more

What do the lions do? Lions Like they go Oh nice one No They haven't got capacity For language But they'll just give you

A little look Like Rawr Where are ice huffs? Rawr Rawr Yeah yeah and then what you've got the lions trust what do you uh how do you use that power ride one it's the most obvious thing ever you know it's coming i mean now because like i'm trying to help them there's a school trip from pristatin like mom miss teacher why is there a man riding the lions fucking Adam right

day two won the trust no I'd just be like I'd have them under me control for like any upcoming wars

god you really pack in those four night work experiences I've had an argument with someone at the zoo I love it how you're already pre-planning arguments

with other zookeepers. Hey, that fucking weirdo from the otters can cunt off as well. No, you tell it for me. I don't know

where the steaks have gone. I don't give a fuck. Otter steaks. Yeah. So you'd have a murder with fucking Jeff, the fucking kangaroo guy or whatever

And he's just like You're a fucking knobhead You've only been here a week And I'd be like Yeah but watch this Hey Nala Eat him Rah

Dead And you keep your job I'd love to see a lion Fight a kangaroo No The kangaroo trainer Oh kangaroos out of it Yeah he just works

With the kangaroos Well why doesn't Jeff Get the kangaroo To defend him Because kangaroos. Well, why doesn't Geoff get the kangaroo to defend him? Because kangaroos aren't as loyal as lions. There you go. You just can't argue with it, can you? You don't know.

Kangaroos are like, I don't give a fuck, mate. Fuck off. Get in my dirty pocket. That's where it's my pouch. Yeah. Would you get them to do any duties for you, though, except for personal protection? I think I'd just

get some really cool Instagram pictures with them would you sleep with them at night because obviously they've won the trust would you stay over

at Chester Zoo and then you'd be in the lion pack you're the alpha just like me and like four lions group picture like a stag do

a lion do when you said four lions i thought you meant the film adam and three asian guys or just people who look like you oh my god yeah adam the tiger king it's a fucking blonde mullet after two weeks two husbands it would be it would be cool though to have lions that are that powerful and dangerous trust and love you. I do see the attraction to it. Do you think they're going to trust you and do everything you say

after two extra steaks after the week? Easy then. It's probably two extra steaks a day. So that's 14 in a week. You're going to have some fat cunt lions in your war fucking hell here comes Jeff from the kangaroos being a knobhead fucking hell

one of the lions has got gestational diabetes oh my god Nala's dead you're taking the piss out of me you'd be fucking sat with a parrot teaching it how to say fucking Dan Nightingale or whatever wouldn't you

waste of time the look on his face is definitely like don't talk to me about your parrots waste of time I don't like the otters is that what you pick I love the otters

I love the giant otters they're no good in a fight aren't they but I like I like the otters they'll have your fucking fingers off like yeah they hold each other's hands don't they they they they make for life so it's it's all girlfriends and wives favorite like part of chester zoo when they're like they make for life like you can see the male otter like oh god i just want some other otter pussy they both sat there together and Laura's like isn't it lovely

that they mate for life and you can see it in his eyes he's like alright mate how you doing you have this connection he's like just cracking nuts

about his sexual frustration tell the otter just want to start a podcast and feel alive it's time to have a bath were you not worried That the bear might wake up Erm

No because it was Under anaesthetic wasn't it So Yeah but anaesthetic Can wear off And sometimes they misjudge you Yeah Yeah but that's why

He's there with Amy And he's a fast runner Yeah Amy's smaller than me As well so Little human shield there Also it might have liked it as well If you were there Giving her a fucking manicure

And it might be like Do you know what I've smash them nails maybe yeah because bears that come out of a comatose state are like oh

snacking on Amy opposable thumbs thanks for not draining me lad he's a scouse bear opposable thumbs now. Thanks for not draining me, lad. He's a scouse bear. He might be grateful, though, because maybe the last time he got put under, it was to get drained.

So they sent me a drop. Oh, you're fucking draining me again. Oh, no, look at that. Pink nails. How many times do you think a bear can be drained what it's a one time drain no no they keep them

and it's constant draining out of them fuck you China listen to me fuck you it's like cows that's what cows are yeah yeah

what milk is essentially just yeah cows pregnant yeah I know I don't have bear bile on my fucking cornflakes or frosties

or frosties fucking child Ian do you have do you eat cereal yeah what's your favourite cereal Yeah, I know. I don't have bear bile on my fucking cornflakes. Or Frosties. Or Frosties. Fucking child. Ian, do you eat cereal? Yeah. What's your favourite cereal? I don't know. I've been on a little cookie crisp roll at the minute. But it's not the best.

It feels like it's going to be nicer than it is. I like crunchy nut. Yes. Crunchy nut. That's like a mumtree. I always think crunchy nut's Yes. Crunchy nut. That's like a mum treat. I always think crunchy nut's a bit of a... Is that basically cornflakes with a sort of... Nut.

Yeah. Yeah. I always feel like that's a bit of a mum treat cereal. Yeah. That's my staple. That's my regular. And I have Cocoa Pops as a little, ooh, deserve a treat.

Pudding. Yeah. It's like a pudding breakfast. Yeah. I was a fan of Lucky Charms for a bit but because of like the marshmallows in them

are like freeze dried aren't they yeah go through me eating them so it was like torture trying to eat them but they tasted so good it was like

it was a weird thing were you eating them dried they got banned for a bit didn't they no no they softened up with a bit of milk still when you

in the middle they were still freeze dried does anyone else remember the rice-icles do you remember rice-icles yeah the milk would be amazing off them

they are they're rice crispies with the sugar glaze of frosties rice-icles and there was a point pre you guys late 80s

early 90s where rice-icles went Lucky Charms and had little sugary sweets within the rice calls oh fuck me they were

good they were even my mum who'd let us put as much sugar as you want on cornflakes was like you're not in that's full of crap they were so

sugary yeah rice calls definitely the best milk I reckon when you're finished and that's what tin we had a we had a guy asking about that

like sugar 87 seconds between bare manicures and Lucky Charms. That's what happens, isn't it? I think literally at this point, if they're on board, they're like, yep, this is all pretty regular stuff. Anyone into sugar puffs? Don't mind them. They're not called that anymore, are they?

I knew. I knew. I just looked. this was like i knew where adam's head was what he looked at me i don't know uh i don't know something that's not puff sugar gays that's where you look at sugar yeah it's Gage with a Z Yeah Sugar Gage Yeah I call sugar puffs Oh they might have Might have changed the sugar then Puffs

Yeah Just puffs now Anyone into puffs? Sweet puffs Honey monster puffs Oh so they kept the puffs It was the sugar that they changed Do you know

I know they're all wrong But of all the homophobic slays yeah puff is the funniest puff is good yeah it's the it's yeah it's the like you know when i it's one of the lightest p-bombs in it yeah when i hear a gay guy refer to himself as a puff it honestly like makes me weak when someone's like yeah i'm a puff it's just funny it's just a lovely word isn't it yeah i don't want anyone to be like hate speech to people and shouting at them in the streets but when when they self-identify as i'm kevin i'm a puff yeah it'll get you bollocked to like school if you use it or if you know at work if you call someone Or if you know At work

If you call someone a bollock HR will get involved They don't call anyone a slayer Ever But yeah But it's definitely Let's say that on the record No slayers

At anyone It's one of the lighter weight ones The birds is a slayer now Apparently And that's so part of our Comic like our vocabulary there The argument is that it's dehumanising. You call a woman an animal.

But it's so part of Northern vernacular. Yeah. And there's no sexism behind it. No. So that's where the argument comes in, isn't it? Depends on the bird that's listening to it. Yeah. Isn't it, really?

Yeah. I can see why bird annoys some people yeah i can but you but even the people who get annoyed by it should also understand that for the large majority that's not coming from a place of sexism like i'm a man and you're a bird it's yeah me bad's coming me but like it's just a word it's it's never been taught as a uh as a slay it's just a slang word yeah yeah and that's the problem with these arguments and like what's a slay and what isn't is there's no sort of it's like oh it's wrong now you can't say that anymore it's like well there's decades of people using that way there's just a normal word and not an offensive one yeah but it's that doesn't

mean we can't do the sort of update on it. Like, I know exactly what you mean. It's not meant with malice, but that doesn't mean things don't change over time. Totally. I've said it before on this podcast, when comics start calling women in the audience, sweetheart, darling,

you're like, come on, mate. There's other ways to talk to women in an audience even if they're not bothered by it if there's women going it just sounds so old and patronizing and like dear out of date you're right sorry what was that sweetheart you're like should start doing that to men that'd be funny danny mack danny mack had that fucking years ago when he just started calling women mate. He was one of the first comics I ever saw do it. He was like, what's that, mate?

And it's just such a nice, broad stroke, general touch. And I'm sure there are some women who are like, I'm not your mate, I'm a woman. But that's dying out. It's just a nice way to like, not to like make it that old school, like, I love, what was that, love? You can go too far with that though, can't you? If you're like, if a woman heckles you, it's just a nice way to like not to like make it that old school like and I love

what was that love you can go too far with that though can't you if you're like if a woman heckles you you're like fella they don't like that none of them like that

I call everyone man yeah I can't help it I go oh yeah man I call my mum lad alright guys I'm not a guy it's just

give us a fucking break hold call like saying love I like chief what up home boy to a girl to a woman in the audience to an older lady what is my mom yeah yeah wagwan to a 72 year old nana wagwan wagnan wagnan fire clip that bit finn mark that because that's going out on socials clip that bit Finn

mark that because that's going out on socials that'll probably probably be the first clip no Wagner should we just

email the merch boys cheers Wagner I've always felt like too immature to say like oh thanks love I always use love

and I was like I remember seeing kids younger than me in like the shop and I go oh cheers love they'd be like how are you saying that

I still don't feel like old enough to say it oh thank you yeah I don't have to say say that's mate it's a preference thing it just makes me go a couple of comics i'm thinking of particularly it's really like it feels like almost like they're trying to like channel like a greasy car salesman from the 80s like oh you have to sweet heart like i like chicken that's a good one all like my duck nice one chicken I like baby cakes but for men alright fuck pig

nice what do you say fuck pig women love that it's really just and I say it to men as well it's generous your change is 240

thanks fuck pig if it's a couple I'm like what's up fuck pigs and they're like yes Dan thank you what is

what is fucking bear drainers what is you Chinese bear drainers what is you Chinese bear drainers they can't let me call her babe or baby what babe

yeah I don't use that oh my god babe all day with me and Laura if I call her princess she gips and I don't say babe

or baby why she doesn't like her what do you call like a fucking baby call her a name right yeah glad you were really Sam hated if I called her Sam why she doesn't like her what'd you call what'd you call a fucking baby call her a name right yeah glad you're really i'm hated if i call her sam i don't call her babe she's like why

you call him why you use my name it's weird i know it's just their preference you just you just never you never have any of those little like cute affectations yeah sometimes she doesn't like try fuck pig tonight say hey fuck pig i've missed you do you have a good day at school Try fuck pig tonight. Say, hey, fuck pig, I've missed you, did you have a good day at school? Love you, fuck pig.

And just see what she says. Dick wallet. She likes that one. But babe, no. You told me that before, that's what it came from. Dick wallet. Yeah. That and a dick wallet, you know?

She likes it more in front of her mum. No, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Me and dick wallet are just going out. Oh, especially at Christmas. If you're doing Christmas at her parents, oh, Dick Wallace, this is such a nice... I put it on the card. And then call her mum a fuck pig,

and then, no, it's too far. As I said, it was too far. So I put, like, to her mum, love from Carl and Dick Wallace. Oh, dear. Carl rolled with that really well. Oh dear Karl Roll would that really well Did Jenny have no

nicknames for her or anything? Nicknames? Her friends call her Sez Yeah But I've never done it so if I started doing it

now it'd be weird You literally just call her Sarah Kane He calls her Rosie Cheeks sometimes when she's at the bar it'd be weird you literally just call her Sarah Kane every like he calls her rosy cheeks sometimes when she's at the bar he'd be like rosy cheeks get me a gin

I do do rosy cheeks like do you really no she doesn't like babies she doesn't like babies she specifically asks what do you call Sam my rosy cheeks

what do you call Sam babe darling fuck face fuck face angel princess princess i call her babe i don't use babe she just doesn't like it what about amy what do you call what have you got for amy let's go hey hey luckily it's the first letter of a name so hey i go hey me she goes what i'm like there we go done hey yeah i'm gonna drink

hey i'm gonna come There we go. Done. Hey! Yeah? Want a drink? Hey! I'm gonna come. Hey! Did you say Laura? I'm gonna come. Laura! Laura! I'm gonna come.

I said, I just said I'm gonna come. Fuck Waller. Why do I have to get her attention We're having sex We're having sex She's not like I'm like hey I'm gonna come

I had to wake her up Like a bear Laura I'm gonna come Finish off Come on Dick wallet How dare you

I'd never say I'm gonna come I just start making noise right what's the noise that's amazing timing I've had him doing that

just as the lawnmower went past outside start making a noise. It's like... What? What? What, you mean like the away fans as the goalkeeper's about to take a goal kick? You're shit!

That's how you come. I just get more and more excited and breathless. Would you have an away end if you could? I think you would perform really well sexually if you could have an away end of like 600, 700 travelling fans. Hang on. In support of me? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's not an away end. Oh, it's the home. Sorry. Unless we're away from home. No, Sam's got more supporters, though. So he's an away end. Go on, Rowan, guys. No, I don't think i'd like that oh thank you for answering the question do you really not ever not vocalize

anything no he's he's more of a noisemaker i mean i vocalize some stuff right i like that i don't like that pack it in Get off Do that again Get off Pack it What? What? Nothing Pack it in Yeah

Yeah Do that again That's nice and wet Ooh Lovely That's nice and wet And then That's nice and wet

Where's me cocoa pops? Oh Oh my rosy cheeks I just I just make more and more noise and get more and more asthmatic oh I'd never

want to say that the macho name for the downstairs for the lady oh during sex I mean

I don't say I don't say it because I know because I know she knows what I'm insinuating Voldemort

yeah yeah it's on the back of her head i've searched for that woman beetle juice beetle juice hey i don't know do you never refer to it no but like i don't feel like i have to refer to me like i don't i don't care because we've been in a relationship for so long what do you when do you bring it up in the bedroom if i'm trying to be sexy naughty oh you know so you go you go straight to like i want to touch your pussy no no what do you say he says hey dick wallace i want to touch your dick while he goes because they're really playful he goes serica i want to touch your vagina because that's what they're all called

have you ever referred to that earlier like trying to be sexy like oh yeah Polly Pocket Polly Pocket Hot Pocket

get your Polly Pocket out I'm quite awkward I haven't started yet go on I'm quite awkward so I don't feel like I feel like me

trying to say it that I have to put an accent on like a bit American no I feel I know what you mean there. Because like, in a Scouse accent,

I love your pussy is just not the same as I love your pussy. And the words I use to describe good things as well. You're right. It's not, and it's way more sexy American. I love your pussy. You hit the P of pussy super hard. It's like a big capital bold pussy as an american though that's more sexy hello your pussy oh my god damn like oh they're pussy good is that what you're doing

that pussy is sound that's it though the words you say to describe like good things as well like that pussy's boss like it it doesn't have the same nah same vibe to it so i'm just like so what are your words then i don't speak much oh really you you're quiet the silent type yeah i'm just like you just do the job it's just just point where you want it to go yeah do you want it to go babe you No. Not really. Get the job done. I've got to focus on me breathing when I'm having sex. I'm fat. I've got a problem with my nose and I'm asthmatic. I can't wear a mask on public transport.

So if I'm banging away, I've just got to make sure I can breathe. Mama like that. Exempt from talking. I just apologise. Sorry. Sorry just apologise. Mid-sex. Sorry. Sorry.

Oh, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Oh, let's cut that out. Your armpits. Here we go. Now it's there. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Sorry. Hey! Try not to giggle. Try some talking, Dean. Try some. Not now. I'll let you know how it goes. I'll let you know.

Do some sexy talk for me. I'm just about to go to an advert, Dean, but Carl's decided that you know he thinks you've got lovely skin and lovely hair this is how he wants to end this section

gonna clip that up for his own little person make her call you daddy as well well she doesn't like a dad isn't in her life so don't think she'd like that I go call me daddy

and she'd be like he's not here okay call me uncle Jeff try that one yeah oh you big uncle Jeff I do like being called stuff

what do you like being called? just like sir I like to feel important you're such a psycho sir sir get your dick out sir

like yeah I will but just know that you've got to give me some respect while I do. All right. Good. What's your... What role play are you doing? I'm role playing.

Oh, right. Just for me. Okay, cool. I'm not anyone different. I'm Sir Adam Rowe. I hope she doesn't call you Sir. She does. What else?

Master? Mr. Rowe. Master. No. Boss. Boss. I hope she doesn't call you sir what else master master boss boss boss chief I think I would quite like that one alright chief

gaffer big man gaffer alright big lad someone's come round to clean your windows Big man. Hey, gaffer. What are you, gaffer? What are you, big lad? Big lad. Someone's come round to clean your windows. All right, boss, can I get around the back?

And get your dick out, chief. Nice one, big lad. Get on me. Let's have an interval. What's happening, guys? Ooh, look at your outfit. Shocking. You look horrible in that.

That's a shitty shirt,umper dress thing Whatever that is You've got on What you need lad Is a fucking t-shirt Or a hoodie From haveawaypod.com You want some official Haveaway merch

Go to haveawaypod.com And get some then Instead of wearing That fucking shite You've got on It's horrible You look a joke Don't be leaving the house

Like that You want a hoodie That says rat That's what you need lad Go and get it Haveawaypod.com It's good We's good par four we have clipped each other three times today that was amazing doesn't because we're all right because we're all mates we're all mates and everyone in comedy should be mates and podcasting we're all pals um dan johnson says oh and to see Dan Dan Don Dan Don Dan Don

that's not his name Dan Don Dan Don Dan Johnson at the live show in London Dan Johnson yes

thanks to everyone who came you absolute fucking legends starting to get to know some of our proper fans now to the point where I was like alright Bex she was like alright Dan

there's people who've been at every live show we've done two in Liverpool one in London yep and I know they'll be in Glasgow and Dublin and we did some boozing

with them afterwards and I was like it was good it was really good they're like our lot are sound and a couple of them are absolute mentors

apart from about 5% who are fucking melons but they weren't there in the boozing yeah but we're not talking about you no we're talking about they don't listen

we're talking about the absolute quag who got hammered and then fell over when he was getting chucked out uh dan johnson says hi dan um so uh would you rather have your ex-missus's name tattooed on you this is like three inch by three inch over your heart your ex partner's name or your rival team's badge so you've got to have a tattoo it's easy and dean's doing it dean's doing the to do i'll do it for you because this is a this is a tattoo question because dean's he does tattoos guys guys are you a tattooer or yeah i knew that you were a tattoo so that's why it's like broadcasting you're a tattooist aren't you i tattoo artist i think

it is oh is that the full i think so yeah nice artist yeah right tattooer a tatter a tatter a tatty a tat twat would you would you rather a twat who artist it was worth the pause I'll tell you that

a twat whoist Everton or Jade ex-girlfriend's name yeah really 100% because then I can find another woman with that name.

But you're with Sam now. With Sam. Yeah. Deedpole. Change your name to Jade. Oh, they love that, don't they? Darling, I love you so much but will you change your name

to my ex-girlfriend's name to match this tattoo? Well, my ex-girlfriend was called Victoria so I could just be like it's my favourite London train station do you have to keep it forever

and that's why I cry it out it's like tattoos worked in you know that no but you can cover them up though so do you just have to have it for a year or is it forever and he says at the end of the question and you can't cover it up otherwise you get bummed in the head oh you don't want that

what type of bear carl brown brown moon gay bear drained that's the type of a dragon moon bear because a a name for asking did you get your moon out driver um sorry just going back yeah no condom no i don't want victoria i don't want my ex-girlfriend's name on my chest. Laura would not be good with it. Even if I was like, Luton Town. Yeah, I don't think that matters to you really, does it? I wouldn't like it. No.

Because I do, I'm not a massive Watford fan as much as like you are a Liverpool fan. But still, that would give me the full-on ick because it's Luton Town. What would you do if... I would go and X his name because I'd just like... Sam can either change it by deed poll

or she can either just get used to the fact it's there or she can fuck off and I'll find another one with the same name. Find a Jade. That's how much the Everton badge on your tit would do your edit. I can't have... No.

Right. I'm itchy. I'm actually itchy. He's like, get off. Ripping his tail. What about you? You haven't... Oh, yeah.

Amy. I'm 100%. I'd have it all over my body before they have the fucking gobshakes club crest on my body. You did used to play for Liverpool, didn't you? I did. You were going to wear that on the show.

Oh, that'd be weird for Dean, right? His girlfriend's name all over you. Yeah. This is weird. No, it's spelled differently. It was A-I-M-E-E. Ooh. Yeah. Different. My ex tattooed me. yeah this is weird no it's spelled differently it was a-i-m-double-e oh yeah different my uh

my ex tattooed me once with what what was what was the tattoo oh um she done a little i can't remember because i've had it covered up that's the joke a little anchor and a moth and i uh and i had them and that was that was worse if anything i think because then i told me she couldn't tattoo me and she was stuck forever what they symbolized oh not it was just like not none of mine really mean anything it was just a we was it's just like i have a go when i was on the mild high club check it out we talked about things you've tattooed and you've tattooed your girlfriend amy's mum's t, haven't you? I have, yeah. Not on somebody else.

It was her actual tits. On Amy's tits. I've got a photo. Whose tits are they? They're my mum's. Yeah. So you've done a tattoo on Amy's mum's tits.

Around her nipple, yeah. Around her nipple. Yeah. Are they good tits? Yeah. You know what she wanted? Polo mint all the. Around her nipple, yeah. Around her nipple. Yeah. Are they good tits? Yeah. You know what she wanted? Polo mint all the way around her nipple. What actually was it?

I can't remember. Do you remember the fruit ones? Like Amy's mum's nipple wasn't right in your mind. Oh, fruit polos. Nostalgic. Anyway, back to Amy's mum's tit she had a breast reduction

so then she had like a scar and she wanted the scar covering over but what did you cover it with oh just some flowers like in a

like a moon crescent moon shape crescent moon of flowers yeah yeah she got the same nipples as Amy pretty similar yeah were you tempted

to have a little rub of it well I had to I was grabbing it I was essentially rubbing it anyway so yeah grabbing it

come here well you have to don't you like I couldn't like shy away you have to get the meat in it I had to fully get involved have you ever tattooed a dick

no nah do you want to because Carl's into you today I'll do it if you want I want a tattoo of your dick on my dick to scale just whap it on Do you want to? Because Carl's into you today. I'll do it if you want. I want a tattoo of your dick.

On my dick. To scale. Just whap it on and tattoo around it. Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever done around a bum hole? Nah. You can't tattoo that skin, surely.

You can't. You can tattoo a bum hole though if it just said, what's happening? And then whenever a girl actually was brave enough to go down there, she got a little greeting. What is?

Do you want to do that? Or do it if you just want to do it for your patreon like yeah so i said this on the mile to hide club i would like i don't want to die without having a tattoo done i've got fucking gummy skin i have to put stupid cream on just to not look like a rotten i hate it. Horrible. So there's bits where I've never had a problem. So I reckon I could have a tattoo. And I think it would be good Patriot exclusive content if you chose the tattoo.

As long as I get to choose yours. You silly boy. Are you a carte blanche? Yeah. How big? I tell you what, I have to agree. The size of the tattoo. Like I will go, what's that about? Yeah, you don't I'll tell you what I'll have to agree. The size of the tattoo. Like, I will go...

What's that about? Yeah, you don't want a back piece. What's that about? Three by three. That's quite big. That's quite... Yeah. All right.

I get to choose where it goes. You get to choose what it is. If you also give me the power, and I'm allowed to converse with Carl about what it is. You can't give me the same one. And then you both have to just reveal it on the Patreon. Yeah. Oh yeah, we don't even know what it is and we reveal it on the Patreon. You can't look at it and you're both

together. I know how annoyed my wife is as she's watching this. Where are you going to get it? Somewhere where you cannot ruin every family holiday I have for the rest of my life. Pick somewhere now and I'll tell you what it is. Arse surely top of your thighs or all right one just like cover that with shorts and that just like on your belt line maybe pain is it pain so though yeah yeah right

on your hip on your hip bone that's quite feminine as well right is it yeah yeah right on your pubis no not right above my dick and you think giving no not right above my dick aren't you thinking giving carp lunch right above my dick honestly I reckon the best spot for if you want to hide

something is either like on your thigh or like on your inner arm there but that's the bingo wing isn't it yeah it'll sting like but it won't hurt more

than your hip oh but what's he writing what's your first ideas swastika I think there's gotta be this to be fair though people do get swastikas

because of the buddhist meaning of them yeah yeah yeah yeah he knew that and then you can explain to people I'm a buddhist

because when you're on holiday in say I don't know Israel you've gone to Tel Aviv lovely weather all year round tops off

they're like whoa whoa mate are you an anti-Semite you white skinhead from the UK I'm like no I'm a Buddhist who does a podcast

with a cunt it's not just namaste it's not just Israel you'd have that problem in either if you went a lot of places

because the Nazis were actually really bad to most people they hated the blacks as well oh yeah I'm going to go with most countries.

Yeah? Is it? Yeah. Yeah. You think Israel, the people of Israel, slightly up the league table? They're probably number one, aren't they?

No, number one. Yeah, okay. There's a few Champions League spots there as well. Wales, number two. Wales. They were fucking hard done by them. Wales. In World War II.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. The Welsh death camps. Wales. World War II. Yeah. The Welsh death comes. Real sun center. That slide was fast, to be fair. That's how they kill you. Just a fella with a guillotine at the end, cutting your head off.

At the top of the slide, just used to let people go too soon. After you. They put Verrucas on the shower floor on purpose awful now there's gonna be something off the table like swastika being honest like normal okay i hate yous should we go with no racism yeah it's really cutting down the fun isn't it no i'm a buddhist i, I bum dogs is nice and playful. Yeah.

I bum dogs, but not you dogs. Because I don't like them. Swastika. Yeah. Right. That's racism though, isn't it? Buddhist people don't like you dogs either. I don't think.

Buddhist people don't bum dogs. Yeah. I think this is a very, very dangerous game that we shouldn't play. No, we shouldn't play it. You should. Just don't be racist. Give them a go I think this is a very very dangerous game that we shouldn't play no we shouldn't play it just don't be racist give them a tattoo because at the end of the day

you could then cover it up after you've had the Patreon money I've seen the arsehole once you know what I mean yeah yeah yeah I'm going to have a divorce to pay for

but yeah yeah yeah imagine my daughter when she sees me like getting changed or something she's like dad what

I bum dogs if we're gonna do it then I want G A L on my arse cheeks for goal for my celebration when I score

in Soccer Aid yeah it's not about what you want though is it if I'm choosing okay well we'll get golden on your arse and when I score on Soccer Aid

you've gotta come and help me celebrate right nice what about that on your belly button? The telly's on. What have you got, Carl? What have you pulled up? Over your belly button. But of each other.

It has to be your heads on it. Oh, that's the one. Yeah, but you're more of a dog person, aren't you, Adam? Yeah. Could get a bear with bile coming out of his stomach oh no fuck china it's mad how many people have gone and done that are we popping some of these up basically audio listeners oh carl 20 000 of you we're looking at people guys well guys we're looking at people are you being a knob who like got tattoos of people bending over

and their belly button is the bum hole. I want on your chest, single and ready to mingle. No, live, laugh, love. You can't tell them. It needs to be surprise. That would be funny, I thought. It's shipping of the podcast as well if we don't try and make it funny.

Honestly. Keep it to yourself if you put live laugh love on me i think i'd be more annoyed than i bum dogs single and ready to mingle oh single and ready to mingle but spelt a little bit wrong just the backwards or something single and ready to mingle accent over the l single and ready to mingle oh what would you get for him Dan you've been very quiet something

something I vote Tory just a nice and simple conservative thingy I vote Tory no because that looks like a joke get the conservative

what's the flower for conservatives the rose is it the rose I think it is a rose yeah I think it's daisies. That's St. David's, isn't it? Flowers.

Daisies. I think it's a hydrangea. I don't know what it is, but I get that. Right. No. Well, let's put that to the drawing board, shall we? Carl, I need your help on that. Would you both do it no no

oh i don't want to tattoo i've never wanted a tattoo my mum gave me some very salient advice when i was a child and i'm sticking she said don't let don nightingale ever put her eye bum dogs i've told you this before she told me don't ever get a tattoo because if you ever made that anyone you'll be easier to identify and you know what she had a point and the older you get they realize that that is good advice because she knew the murderer she'd raised she's like this kid is definitely going to kill someone at some point when i've got four lions attacking people and then i run away and people are like yeah the tattoo oh no i know what the tattoo is going to be i am the murderer why are you keks off? And he says, he has gold across his ass.

He's bent over as he released the lions. Watching me lions memes when I just started celebrating with my arsehouse. Go! Yeah. I think that's what they'd remember more,

innit? Yeah. You were just bent over with your arsehole out than the tattoo. I had a meeting with my agent the other day and he was like,

what other telly do you want to do now that the Apollo's off the way? And I was like, well, there's a few things, but the number one thing

I want to do career-wise is soccer aid. Yeah. And if I ever score at soccer aid, if do you want to do now that the Apollo's off the way? And I was like, well, there's a few things, but the number one thing I want to do career-wise is soccer aid. And if I ever score at soccer aid, if I ever get to do it, I'm going to have goal in Sharpie on my arse. But you said that you were going to do in soccer aid, didn't you? Yeah. You're going to break a politician's legs. If there's a Tory politician playing,

I'm going to two-foot him and get sent off. I'd love to see you fucking slide tackle Matt Hancock. Well, Boris Johnson did it a few years ago didn't he he played kids didn't he well he like smashed through he's doing a little rugby game wasn't he there no he played in soccer aid and he pulled someone yeah and i i would love to just two foot suck one of them right at the knee and just take me top off and just start walking off before the refs even got to red card i was imagine the hero you'd be forever just fuck off like Gerard on Naismith just fucking

absolutely fold him in half broken Boris Johnson's legs take your top off and then you've got a tattoo that I chose going I vote Tory this guy's a fucking mystery

Dean is there anything you wouldn't tattoo on someone and you refuse to do oh there's been loads I like anything like proper stupid when people used to come in and be like

oh can you do that because it's funny I'd be like no I don't do it what was that Adam was going to production yeah yeah I never I never do it because they never they're always like short-lived in it it's like people go oh it'd be funny like for how long now why do you care because I like I never got into it to like tattoo not like people's belly buttons and that. So I used to just turn it down. You'd end up getting it done by someone else in the shop.

Yeah, because you're a good tattoo artist, aren't you? I just wouldn't want to do it, yeah. You're like a proper comic that wouldn't do certain jokes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A good tattoo artist is going to be like, oh, fuck off. Yeah, I just don't see the point in them. So you're refusing the junglers of... I do silly ones and that.

I've done macho man and all shit like that. It's because they make cool tattoos. Have you ever said no for moral reasons, though? For example, a swastika. A guy wanted something made in Britain or something. Like a proper... I don't know if it was that, and I was like, nah. And he was like, why not? Like, proper rough-looking fella. I was that and i was like nah and he was like why not

like proper rough looking feather i was like it's just stupid in it like and then you just they just leave if you're just saying no don't they don't tend to argue with you because you know no get your pen out i'm having it yeah because that's the thing that you haven't got like a manager so if i just go nah get out they go well who can i who else can i talk to me like no one go away go all right and then just have to leave so you should have said yeah and then changed it to like made in romania watch his head fall apart have you ever made a mistake um i've i've i thought i've made a mistake on some because i realized i can't read that well because i done i done one on someone that said

what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and then when it was finished I was like oh let's have a look and I read it as what doesn't kill you you make stronger and I was like fucking sweating

and I was like can I just have a have a little look at that again hey lad and I was like what oh no it's alright it's fine

yeah yeah so you've never done like a bendy land no nah I mean you have like when people twitching and stuff like that

but I've never done anything where someone's I've had one where a woman was like proper not happy with it. That was because I told her it was going to be shit and she wouldn't leave. So I just done it for her. And then she come back two weeks later and was like,

I went to another tattoo shop and they said this was shit. And I was like, I know I told you it was shit. But you wouldn't leave the shop without it. So see you later. Like, but yeah. So what did she want? She wanted a photo of like no she wanted an ex-fella's name covered up whilst she was also getting a new fella's name on the

other wrist but i drew a cover up for it which would have been like quite nice like a little lotus flower with the cover they're fine and then she was like oh i don't really want another tattoo it's too big and i was like well it has to be that big to cover it she was like yeah i don't want it it's too big and i went so what did you do she just does a block square what i say i said go get it lasered and then you won't have a new tattoo and it'll be gone she's like no i want it gone today i bought a bow like a ribbon a bow i drew one on and she was like yeah you don't like that do you and i was like nah it looks rubbish like i don't want to do it but she was like i'm not leaving until it's gone just do it i was like okay and, it looks rubbish. Like, I don't want to do it. But she was like, I'm not leaving until it's gone. Just do it. I was like, okay.

And then she came back two weeks later and, this is shit. She shouldn't have done this on me. Yeah. I went to another shop and they said that wasn't good. And I went, I told you it wasn't going to be good. And you still refused to leave until it was done. So then.

So what? It's like when your beard gets horny when you're both drunk. And you're like, babe, I'm not going to be good tonight. And she's like, fuck me now. It's going to be shit. And then she's like, that was horrible. I're like babe I'm not going to be good tonight and she's like fuck me now and you're like it's going to be shit and then she's like that was horrible I'm like I know

told you that's the same innit and you fall asleep in a dick wallet I've got a I've got one story which isn't my story so I'm going to tell it

because I don't feel bad about it because it didn't happen to me but just say it was you it's bad that guy no because it's bad a guy was like

don't turn anyone away you know unless they're racists and that and uh uh how he described him was a heavily disabled fella come in with his carer and he wanted a football badge he wanted a liverpool badge but while he was getting it done he kept shouting everton and we were like is that caring about like ben stiller and fucking dingy has he been like is he being like a proper knobhead to this this fella but we don't know the story but he was like the whole time he was doing it he was going everton everton and he was like this is definitely a liverpool badge this you know so i don't know what happened there but it's a heavy one how can you tell the first half of that story

and have no end for it nearly had a heart attack then because it wasn't me that done it so I don't know what happened with it but I know that while it was happening

he was saying a different team than the team he was getting tattooed on that's so funny mate I've never worked in care but is it

is it within your remit of care to take the disabled person into a fucking tattoo but if he wants to go. If he wants one, yeah, that's it. Like, you can't say no just because they're disabled. Do you get what I mean?

If he wants one, then yeah, cool. But when he's shouting Everton and you're doing a Liverpool badge on him and you start going, ugh, stressing on this now. Oh, my God. I just got to do that. It's like the first question that we did, except it's not as fun if someone's disabled. If you could choose a tattoo for a disabled person.

Shall we do some have a words? Yeah. Shall we? I love it when everyone sang this in London. This was supposed to be the whole podcast. Now it's just the final 10%. Can't wait to hear the confessions thing

from Patreon. This is from Anonymous. Anon. Anon. Hiya lads. I seem to find myself in the middle of this massive dilemma.

A couple of years ago I introduced a couple of mates from two circle of friends and they instantly hit it off fast. Hit it off. Fast forward to present day, they are now living together and are planning on having kids. Sounds perfect, right? I would love some punctuation on this one. Well, it would be if it wasn't for the fact I know my mate, let's call him Dave the Dickhead, had the snip five years ago but hasn't told his missus. Instead, his reaction to her was the complete opposite to how he really feels and told her he'd love nothing more to have kids.

The problem is he can't and doesn't want to either. He's made that clear to me but doesn't want to tell her because he likes her. What he has with her, oh my God, there needs to be some fucking grammar in this, mate. It's literally like, Like what he has with her.

And if he tells her, she may end the relationship as she really wants kids. So, my man has introduced these guys. They get on really well, but he's had the snip five years ago. But hang on.

She wants some babies, and he's like, yeah, I'd love to try for some kids, but he knows full well he's had the dick snip. But when you get the dick snip, don't they give you something you come to put in the freezer? Only if... I don't think that's part you come to put in the freezer? Only if... I don't think that's part

of the package. It's not like going to a kid's party and there's a party bag. No, it is. You've done the snip and on the way out, there's your vial.

It is. I need a turkey baster. Help me out. Have a word. Is he being a selfish cunt letting this poor girl go on thinking one day she's going to fall pregnant

until it's too late and she's missed the boat, so to say? I've told him he should tell her, as this is fair. I love the pod, been listening since day one. So, apart from using full stops and... Do you put it in your freezer

or do they keep it for you in a special one? They keep it for you. You don't put it next to your chicken dippers? No, because then if there's a power cut, you've lost your chicken dippers and your kids. if there's a power cut you've lost your chicken dippers and your kids do you know what I mean if there's a power cut that's a fucking nightmare

the peas are in the bin and your lineage that's a problem does it have to be frozen yeah so as soon as you jizz like on the floor on the floor but like

is that wrote off then yeah I think it's wrote off like 24 hours later you know when five second rule yeah jizz

get on that you know when you go for a snip you don't have a wank before you have the snip what do you you know when you have the snip I thought that was reversible you can get reversible ones

okay yeah you can get tied and that's reversible right actually cutting the pipe. Okay, yeah, yeah. You can just pretend that he's infertile. Laura's got the lady snip.

You can't be eating your balls tired, can you? And as they did it in the C-section, and we could smell the singeing of the tubes because they were cauterising them. So if she gets pregnant, it's pretty annoying. That was a full tie and singe you can't do that

but you're lying to your partner he's already lying though I know but it's continuing the lying she's upset yeah but then she might then

at least feel a little bit bad for him you know what I mean no she'd go fucking skits if you're with someone and you were like I definitely

want to have kids if he keeps the lie up no he just says he's infertile has he not have kids if he keeps the lie up no he just says he's infertile has he not had kids has he not had kids before no some people just get it

so they definitely don't have kids yeah might be a reversible one if he got it just to like not have kids for a bit while he was doing his shagging or he could have a way

by himself sort of get in the mindset he obviously loves this woman because he's lying to her you don't lie to people you don't love so he's sorry what he wouldn't care about her feelings with either yeah he loves her that's why he lies yeah yeah you only lied to people you love in general what a phenomenal statement that

is it's gonna be your that is the most amazing pre-gaslighting ever, isn't it? I lie to you daily because I love you more than, I lie to you more than I lie to anyone else in the world because you have my heart, babe. Why have you lied to me? Because I adore you. Amazing. I'm just saying, he should change his mind. Just go, I love this woman.

I want to be with her. She needs kids and borrow some cum. What? So not his cum right okay so let's just play it out he's had the snip he you know it's not going to happen let's say it's irreversible just for argument's sake what adam says is he should borrow a mate's come borrows the wrong way because he's never going to give it back. Oh no, that's true. Inherit. Now, how

is that gizzler going to be used? Rub it on his dick and fuck her. So you've got to turkey baste her. Without her knowing. Yeah. In her sleep. She's like, babe, what we're gonna do tonight is we're gonna do a bit of pipette play or put the cum in some lube and then be like let's lube

it up today and just jam it up there yeah how long do you think cum is alive today yeah yeah you know when you jizz on the carpet and then collect it up and put it in your freezer. I don't think it's this sturdy. You're scouse jizz. Don't worry about it. Leave it on the side for a few days.

Is this jizz gone? No, no. It's still good. Whack it on a piece of toast. Stick it in a fucking... It's alright in tea, but not cornflakes. You put it in water and it floats.

I think it's alright then. Oh. Don't worry. put it in water and it floats I think it's alright then oh why was that too far that's too far fucking hell Dean Jesus Christ viscosity

cock goblins at it again I think he needs to borrow some jizz that's my advice there you go I'm not changing it borrow some cum it's not his baby then

yeah but he's not arsed he doesn't want kids it'll still be her kid and that's all she cares about I think you've got to be careful about who you borrow the jizz from yeah do the joke in your head that you think i'm doing yep that joke black baby was that in your head it was in my ears if you're gonna get a different ethnicity get a chinese one

because they're cuter yeah just keep them away from bears yeah horrible fucking horrors culture out an inherently chinese thing they just grow up and they're like i want to date a bear just give them a teddy bear and just stab a straw into its stomach like suck it out yeah and we're giving them the winter olympics murderous

how do you even know that that's happening what they're trying to get the winter olympics how are you up to date on winter olympics news is that this year

I don't know it's coming up next year won't it yeah is it every two maybe I don't know doing the winter olympics is like a, won't it? Yeah. Is it every two? Maybe. I don't know.

Doing the Winter Olympics is like a cop-out, isn't it? That's basically admitting you can't be, you're not good enough for the proper one. Do you know what isn't good in the Olympics? What? What's the one where you go down fast? What? No, no, no, no, no.

What? The bobsled. Yeah. No, when you're just lying there. How can you be good at that? What? How can you be good at that? You can't.

Exactly. You just have to get lucky. Be small or lighter. Adam's opinion on the Winter Olympics is basically cool runnings. Yeah, yeah, you're not good enough for the Olympics. So you meet John Candy and he gets you in a fucking bobsled

and you're like, oh man, I can't do the bobsled. And then you get good, you know. I just don't understand how you can be better at the bobsled. What is it, bobsled? Skeleton. Skeleton bob than someone else.

Well, because you get down it quicker. What are you doing? Well, that's it. It's almost like they've learned how to do it, control it. You know, if you tried to do it, you wouldn't be good at it. That's the case. Oh, because it's a conspiracy. The Winter Olympics is a massive conspiracy.

It is. Like the jump off the hill. It's just for snow nonces. That's all it is. Exactly. It should not be recognised internationally. Yeah.

It's a load of lads having an holiday. It's got no more merit than the game of five aside we play on a Monday. I didn't know you had an opinion on the winter olympics but now I do

very similar to your opinion on the normal olympics the normal olympics is great I still feel like I could compete yeah

but Adam disregards every sport that he doesn't give a fuck about cricket for fucking Tory nonces

baseball American nonces winter oball, American nonces. Winter Olympics, cold nonces. Fact. You cannot tell me that that fucking sitting on a skateboard thing that you do. Yeah, that's what he does. He's got any sort of skills to it. Well, I would love to see you fucking try it. Oh, here we go. Here we go. Oh, oh, gold. Oh yeah. Of course you got gold. Oh here we go Here we go Oh Gold

Oh yeah Of course you got gold Bollocks Also If they did it again The top three Would be totally different Oh my god

Why am I defending The Winter Olympics I don't give a fuck What's the hardest Winter Olympic Sport Speed skating I think it's the

It's the most dangerous ones I suppose Hard I don't know I think it's the Ice skating fencing How do you quantify hard The cross country Then, then go shooting, is basically for Norwegian paedophiles.

That's a fact. Slide, slide, slide, shoot a woman. Slide, slide, slide, shoot a witness. Pow. How did you get here, Hans? I slid all the way from Norway. To China? Yes.

There's no hard ones. I can't name 10 winter Olympic sports. You can't? Snowboarding, don't you reckon? What's that? Where they do like fucking backflips. Oh, that's hard, yeah. That's hard.

Yeah. But that's the exception that proves the rule. Downhill skiing, slalom skiing, long jump. Is there any uphill skiing? Oh, the uphill skiing? Yeah. That's on the day of judgment. That'd be hard.

Downhill skiing. I want gold in the downhill skiing. I honestly, China is such a bunch of fucking cheating. The Windsor Olympics being in Russia, there is so much steroid abuse. I would not be surprised Yes we do uphill fucking skiing And Russia win every medal

Do you know cross country skiing exists? What do you mean? So cross country skiing is not downhill Flat That's what he means So downhill skiing is downhill Cross country No he was just being a dick about uphill skiing

It wasn't because he thought you didn't think there was another version Did you mean skiing uphill?'t because he thought you didn't think there was another version did you mean skiing uphill no yeah but you were like how they're all downhill how can you have cross-country it's not just walking with big fucking things on your yeah it is and then they shoot that's the thing i talked about before yeah great great how is that a real thing it's not it's not why am i defending's right. It's stupid. It's for Norway. Hang on. It's for Norwegian paedophiles. I said that before.

No, but is it a real thing? It's a real Olympic sport. How is it a real thing? Because it's what people do in Nordic countries. It's bollocks. Yeah, it is, isn't it? It's exactly what I was saying. Yeah.

It's nonsense. Yeah. Usain Bolt. Fair enough. He's fast. But Usain Bolt on skis. He doesn't need them. Not without John Candy.

Can we end this pod? It's been so mental. If anyone's thinking, God, it's been a really mental one, it's because we did one yesterday and we need like a decompression between episodes. Otherwise we're getting in, we're like, crazy eyes.

Norwegian Peter V this is our third pod in four days if you come to live show but if you're going to China to watch the Winter Olympics fuck you

they're bear draining cunts are they going to put bear draining in it like when the Olympics was in Tokyo

and they were like right well you can have sumo wrestling now what a challenge people gotta. Scram. That'd be a good

winter Olympic sport. Scram. Yeah. I'd like to have that. The salt and pepper chicken off. Sounds like a Bulgarian entry. She's fucking great. Salt and pepper chicken off.

She's really good. Winter darts. Can we do our own winter Olympics? Winter darts. It's just cold in there. Outdoor darts. outdoor dart where can we find you Dean Dean Coughlin underscore

and the I just spell that C-O-U-G-H-L-I-N Dean Coughlin spelled Coughlin Coughlin yeah and check out the Myles High Club Dean Coughlin yeah and check out

the Mile High Club spelled not how it sounds definitely check out the Mile High Club it's brilliant I love being on it the other week

Adam's going to be going on it it's a fucking great pod well worth your support I'm going to be on it in six or seven years once I've

become a head on addict and recovered because then I'll be able to talk intelligently on the subject it's not just about drugs it will be when I'm on the subject. It's not just about drugs.

It will be when I'm on. The smack he is. Without him. Cheers, Dean. Appreciate you, man. Nice one. Cheers. I shan't have a ball.