Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #155 - Have A Word w/Adam & Dan

Episode Date: January 17, 2022

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Disgusting! Wag wag, lids. You're listening to the funniest podcast in the game with Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn. Shut up, Finn. You good-looking, big-fingered Welsh weirdo. This is the one and only, the now infamous, the soon-to-be legendary. Have a word.

Go, Ed. Get on me. Have you ever been to a jazz club? Yeah. In Manchester, Matt and Fred's near the Frog and Bucket. Matt and Fred's. It was a jazz club on. Cool. And they were pretty annoyed when we went in there and didn't sit silently and watch the jazz.

Yeah. We got a bit drunk and chatted. Pull your mic down. Pull my mic down? Yeah. There you go. Beautiful. People want to see that beautiful fucking face, kid.

Can you hear me? Yeah. So one, so. Yeah. Didn't particularly enjoy it. Could tell it me? Yeah. Yeah. So one, so. Yeah. Didn't particularly enjoy it. Could tell it was quite good. Not really into jazz.

Got bollocked. And then realized I was the twat that we whinge about at comedy clubs. Yeah. I was the punter in jazz that I hate in comedy. Now, why am I a comedy dog? Right. Okay. So I went to one of the most famous jazz clubs in the world the blue notes jazz bar nice um are right near the comedy cellar in new york city and they wouldn't

play bewitched now here's the thing i know i was i was very very very respectful right we sat there and we clapped when other people clapped. Genuinely, and I mean this, I don't know for sure whether I witnessed greatness or the night where the retards have a go. Like, honestly. It's the same. What night of the week was it? Friday night.

Oh, no, we're not doing retail Friday. They're just going... That's got Tuesday written all over it. Oh, no, we're not doing retail. No. They're just going... That's got Tuesday written all over it. Honestly. Right. I'm sure these guys... The lead guy was called DJ Logic, right?

Right. DJ Logic. And it was called DJ Logic and Friends. So he had the saxophonist is that the right word? oh nice yeah yeah so he was some old

older black gentleman on the on the saxophone and then he had a drummer now right the drummer

for the so the back wall and we were sat right against the back wall is partly mirrored so it's like mirrored but with bits of leather going through it so there's bits of mirror you can see in bits where you can't see

right the entire show the drummer was just checking himself out but he really fucking fancied himself he's like and he's like literally he's like looking at himself like checking out his drum skills right they are a bass player called uh mono something mono neon which sounds like a pokemon but it isn't and he had he wore an entire suit made out of multi-colored quilts that he'd made himself and apparently he's amazing oh there he is have you got him up yes yeah you got the telly on telly on so Dan can see like honestly if anyone's into jazz and they know these guys I'm the victim in this story I'm the idiot in this story okay

right that's pretty much what he looked like but he had a quilted suit on and then they had a guy they had a man on the piano who looked like the tall smackhead black girl from Orange is the New Black.

The one with the missing teeth. He looked like her. And honestly, I've never been to jazz before. I went because I was, like, when in Rome, right? So it sounded to me like they were all having an argument using their instruments. Right? It was like they were all like, right, I'm going to tell you why I'm pissed off at you

through the medium of the saxophone. Like, there's no way you can tell me that saxophone players aren't just blowing into the bottle. It was just going... And everyone's like, wow wow this is fucking incredible but the absolute peak of this right so at the end uh he goes ladies and gentlemen thank you for coming out tonight see dj logic and friends we've got my man mano neon we've got this guy on the drums we're gonna do it and then he went we got some special guests ladies and gentlemen so he brought one guy to play the piano famous jazz player apparently did really well i'm sure then he went, we've got some special guests, ladies and gentlemen. So he brought one guy and played the piano. Famous jazz player, apparently.

Did really well, I'm sure. Then he brought a rapper on. Right? I'm not going to name the rapper. I'll name the rapper. His name was Kosher Deals. Right? He was a Jewish guy.

When he first got on stage, I thought he looked 12. You go on his Instagram, he's at least 63. Like, he had not a a cowboy like a massive trilby on right and I'm sure he's a great rapper but he did a freestyle and Finn

could have done better no offence Finn are you a freestyle rapper go for it go on what was it about what was what about

oh it was about everything Finn this was what about? Oh it was about Everything Finn This was genuinely And you're gonna think Are you gonna attempt A freestyle rap I was gonna try it Good God

You are not a 63 year old Black Jewish guy Oh this guy was white Oh right Kosher deals Oh I thought he was A black Jewish guy No that was the saxophonist

But he wasn't Jewish He was black He was a white Jewish rapper Yeah Right He was only getting He was a white Jewish rapper. Yeah. Right. He was only getting gigs in jazz clubs. No, he's spelled K-O-S. Kosher deals.

That's just a Jewish supermarket. So there's an A at the end of kosher, like kosher. Kosher. No, no, just the A. Oh, my God. And deals is spelled dills. D-I-L-L-Z. Oh, there he is.

Oh, he's the first person that comes up under the... But they'd all, like, verified, and they've all got huge followings. They look quite good. Yeah. This was a freestyle rap. Today's Friday. Tomorrow's Saturday. Then comes Sunday.

Monday and Tuesday. Next day and Wednesday. Then if we're lucky, we all get paid. Oh. That's it. That's clever. That's the days of the week and then pay day, isn't it? Yeah.

We're lucky we get paid. Because sometimes the owner of this club doesn't bother. Yeah. He's trying to be Fox and rap at the same time. I'm getting a rhythm in my head. I can't wait to get paid.

First of the month. Every day. There you go. Better. What is it with fucking days of the week? Oh, you gagged? You gagged. Yeah.

We just did that. Oh, we'll get to that. I'm a better saxophonist with my mouth than this guy was with his thing. No, do you know what? They were all probably really good, but it was one of the worst nights of my life. How much did it cost to get in? $70. Each? No. No, do you know what? They were all probably really good, but it was one of the worst nights of my life. How much did it cost to get in? $70.

Each? No. Oh, still. Right. So $35. What's that? 25, 30 quid? Yeah.

Oh, that's an expensive ticket. Guessing the bar was cheap though. What? Bar was cheap. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It was one pound shots. Was it?

Pound as well. It used to be Jager ones, but it wasn't the real one. It was like the Tesco Red Bull. Yeah. One pound shots. What was that like? Pound as well. It used to be Jager ones, but it wasn't the real one. It was like the Tesco Red Bull. Yeah. It was, like, honestly, I'm sure jazz is good,

but I don't like it. I wanted jazz night in the UK. Sounds like a bag of bollocks. But do you know, as a comedian, you don't want to, like, disrespect artists because I've got no idea.

Like, it's obviously to some, like everyone else was really enjoying it, but my good God, I felt like if I was in the other room and you were like, oh, someone's trying to steal that guy. If you tried to steal the guy's saxophone and he refused to stop playing it,

it would sound no different. Someone's literally trying to nick his instrument. Someone's throwing instruments down the stairs again. No, no, no, no, no. The show has started. I love it that you thought they were all having an argument. That's amazing. That's how musicians bicker.

Passive-aggressive, like... Right, well, at least you did it. It's one of them, innit? Ticket off. Yeah. Ticket off. The one in Manchester was very low-key, not nearly as many

mentally ill people just a grumpy old Mancunian jazz guy and it was all just very soft jazz that seems like I don't know jazz but that

if there's guys with you know quilt suits on and Jewish guys with huge trilbies I think that might be like he's got hundreds of thousands of Instagram followers though

like that Mano Neon apparently is a phenomenal bass player like he's known And Jewish guys with huge trilbies. I think that might be like... He's got hundreds of thousands of Instagram followers, though. Like, that Mono Neon apparently is a phenomenal bass player. Like, he's known. Right. Oh, Finn knows all of his songs. Oh, Finn. A bass player's song. Yeah, Women, Water and Weed. It's an absolute tune.

Yeah, apparently he's brilliant. Yeah. And to be honest with you, yeah, he didn't really get involved much. Like, bass players aren't really... You know, they don't really do much. They're just They're going They're basically just Big Ben

I could play bass That's famous I could play bass If you've ever been to London That's how Big Ben sounds I could play bass Someone's doing the bells wrong So that's not 11 o'clock in the morning

I don't want to disrespect the bass players right But you know like with COVID and stuff Everyone's getting COVID at the minute I feel like if I went to like any Big band and they were like Right we're going to have to cancel the show guys Just turned out that the bass players's got COVID and he's dead backstage so

we shot him because no one else wanted to catch it oh really yeah it wasn't fast COVID it was COVID related murder

yeah for the team so unless unless someone can play bass I feel like I could get up and do it

and nobody would know any difference just you slapping the bass got a guitar there. I suppose it's kind of bassy. Do you want to try and play that? We've seen him in a music studio.

Yeah, I suppose. I played the arse piano. You did? You could play the arse bass and it would not sound good. Ladies and gents, we've got some special guests tonight. We've got Adam Rowe, who's one of the best arse piano players you're ever going to see. That'd be sick though,

you'd pay to watch that. The ass piano. What else did you get up to in New York? It's good to have you back by the way, kid. Thank you very much. He's back.

He's back. Liam, he's back. What else did we get up to? Went to see Chicago. Genuinely one of the worst things I've ever seen in my entire life. A musical you didn't like? Now we're talking.

Have you seen it? Fuck off. Have you seen the film or the thing? And you enjoyed it? Yeah. Oh, no, it was genuinely the worst thing I've ever seen in my entire life. I saw Cuba Gooding Jr. in it. Yeah, he wasn't in this one.

No. No, no, no. Was he not? No. Like, it was, the set doesn't change at all. There was no effort. It felt, what didn't help is the very next day, I went to see Moulin Rouge.

And Moulin Rouge was incredible. Yeah, I saw your pictures of that. And side by side, it made Chicago look like the special needs kids' school play. Might have been. That's Adam's go-to, isn't it? Didn't like this. Think they might be special, so clap along.

Good for you. Good for you. And you spelled Chicago right. Well done. Is that Tuesday? What night is it? I can't believe you didn't go and see Lion King. You love Lion King.

That's like huge on Broadway. We booked Chicago because it was the only one available on the day. And Moulin Rouge was a British prize for Samantha. So I'm thinking about taking Etta down

to the West End. Me and her. Leave her there. Yeah. Go like, make it here, you can make it anywhere. And going to watch like

Lion King or Matilda. And I was like, yeah, it's going to cost, what, on the train from Chester? No, tons. Had a look at the little hotels. Go down on a Saturday morning, go and watch the show, come back. Had a look, room's 120 quid. I was like, this is really nice.

This is doable. Had a look at some of the Saturday night prices for Matilda. What the fuck? Like, it's £130 a ticket for the decent seats, but it's all right. You can save money with one of the cheap seats at the back. They're just 74. Now, I know things are doing well,

but I'm like, I need her to be about 19 years old before. I need her to be able to fully appreciate everything and not just be like, it was nice and there was colours. That is a lot, isn't it? How much was Chicago? Not that bad, maybe. I mean, it was not good. It was like $120 a ticket, I think.

Jesus. Broadway's like that, though. It's insane. Yeah. I don't know where my head was. I honestly thought, I thought tickets for the West End would be like, you know, that'll pay 50 quid each.

150, 160 in some of the good seats. She must have some pocket money saved up. She doesn't have West End tickets. She's like, we gave her a bit of, she got a bit of money for Christmas and within three days, she's definitely my daughter. She was like, can we go to Home Bargains?

And then she walked around like fucking Rick Ross, just dropping. It was fucking great. In Home Bargains? She went to Home Bargains. We should buy him some, please. No, because there's a toy section. Oh, I didn't know that.

She thinks she was just going, Daddy, Daddy, we need wet wipes. Wet wipes and dental. I'll get it. No, there's a toy section. And she just was like, can I afford that, that, that? And just started grabbing everything

and just blitzed it. Yeah, I just don't think I am going to do it, but it was just a bit of a shocker. Moulin Rouge was amazing. I mean, you put pictures up of Moulin Rouge and that looked fucking amazing. That was illegal, that picture as well. It's got a little card on the way and said,

no photography is prohibited by law. And I was like, law my ass, done. What a great reason to go to prison, that is. What are you in for? Murder. What are you in for? Sorry, it's a bit harsh. What are you in for? Took a picture at a bit harsh. What are you in for?

Took a picture at the Moulin Rouge. Well, that's not as good. Good night, baby blue. And then flagrant too, mate. Oh, oh, rowing bags. That felt great.

Tell you what was, was cool. This is what's cool, right? Like, obviously, doing all right as a comedian over there. You are doing pretty good.

We're doing okay. But, to be able to turn up in New York, for a part birthday trip, part work thing, and do the two biggest comedy clubs and two of the biggest podcasts and then just get off and be like see you soon and they're like yeah you can come back whenever you want that's cool yeah that is cool to be able to just like i'm just a fucking little fat lad from duffy do you know what i mean i'm sat there on one of the biggest podcasts in the world and he asked me they they both asked me to do it.

Like I asked to do the comedy clubs, but they asked me to do these things. They were like, do you want to come and do this for us? I was like, yeah.

I've never seen Flagrant, what's the vibe like compared to us? It's not a million miles away. So they started as a basketball podcast. It's called Flagrant 2, No Easy Buckets.

That was the full title initially. Oh, Flagrant Foul. Yeah. And then they just it's called flagrant 2 no easy buckets that was the full title initially erm oh flagrant foul yeah and then they just stopped doing that well they still

no they still do sports so the way they do their show is like mark one of their producers so they've essentially got a mark a Carl and a Finn they timestamp it

they do timestamp it so mark has sort of prepped a load of topics to talk about so that and it's really good the way they sort of run their youtube because they have the main thing and then they've got their clips channel and the clips sort of go out the same time as the episode does on the clips

channel because it's literally just taken from the episode and uploaded like nothing else needs doing to it apart from like the graphics that fly in and schultz is really good at talking about current affairs having an opinion on it making it fun and making it interesting. Yeah. So that's what they do. He doesn't get bogged down with like, no, he's very good at opinionated while making it funny. So what they do is they'll go,

right, what we're doing next, Mark? And he'll go, oh, have you heard about Novak Djokovic refusing to take the vaccine? And he might get kicked out. And then they literally talk about that for as long as they want to talk about it and then he'll go right what's next but then that becomes the clip and it becomes the time stamp in the episode it's really good the way to do it

it was just fun just easy to be funny on the amount of podcasting we've done over here just makes it so easy to be like tell you what was interesting because we have a quite a lot of the time on this on this podcast we have a guest in and sometimes me and you just go off on one and they just have to sit there and wait right because you know me and i know you and no guest even our best even people we were better friends with before we started this can sit there and join in on that because they haven't got the reps of like we've talked about it, like, strike partnership before. I know when you're making a run

to play the pass and stuff like that. The people that have tried to tune in and go over us, you're like, you almost want to pause it and go, chill. Yeah. We've got it. You don't have to do the heavy lifting.

But there's a couple of moments on flagrant where they had that, and I was just like, I've got my thing. I know what joke I'm about to make. Do your thing, and then I'll be ready ready yeah we i saw some great comments going i watch it and fucking very rarely does anyone go on and have that much chemistry and bring big laughs as well yeah so you obviously held your own it was really really really when schultz went who's your co-host on that and you were like oh it's have a word he was like no no who'd you do it and you were like Dan Nightingale I was in my fucking living room

in shitty Sorghal in Cheshire I went come on get together fucking yes I just had this little moment like come on Adam

you fucking beauty don't know why that was so cool in the one of the most important studios in podcasting in the world I'd reckon

Schultz's flagrant studio Joe Rogan's Austin studio Tom Segura and Christina Pizitzky have got your mum's house

and then us their studio yeah absolutely their studios and then I'm in a living room in Sorghal going I think Jamie Utcherson

felt he was in the bath with his nan and I mentioned him yeah that was cool and then what was someone was like i came here for the moan it's like oh my god i am the the comedy clubs were great on my birthday on the 11th i did gotham comedy club and the lineup was a girl called emma and forgive me i forget her surname she was really good andrew schultz and another guy called Godfrey, who I was talking to Chris Milhouse, who books that show and hosts it.

You know the name? Yeah. He's been in a lot. You'd know him. Yeah. But he's apparently one of the best comics in New York. He's been mentioned on pods. Yeah.

Like nigh on unfollowable. So the show went, host goes up, Emma on first, Schultz on second, me on third, and then Godfrey. So I'm sandwiched between, and they were there for Schultz. Like Chris told me that. He was like, oh, I asked Schultz to do this.

They were a bit low on tech sales. It sold out instantly. That's the pull and power he's got. And I had a really good set, but Schultz did to New York three levels above what I can do to Liverpool. And what was amazing about it was watching two, he joked about every race in the room

and the room is so diverse. There's black guys, Asian guys, Hispanic guys, white guys, and women of all those denominations as well. And two people walked out, two middle-class, posh white women. This is racist. I want my money back. And they were like, just get the fuck out. And at Gotham Comedy Club, all the door guys,

all of them are either ex-police or private detectives. All of them. And Schultz told me this story. He was like, he got a coffee off one of them. And he's like, oh, they're so great in here. He said, see that guy over there, the one who should give me the coffee he said I was there a couple of months ago and there was a guy in who just was ruining the show and refusing to leave and so two of them went over to throw him out they're like ex-police guys and the guy pulled a knife out and really calmly the policeman went

what he brought that to a gunfight for? And he just put it away. Left. Shit. Different fucking world. Yeah. It was, it was an experience.

I tell you what was really funny. I'm not going to name this guy, but one comic tried to fuck me over over there. Is there? Yeah. So yeah so oh is it right so i uh very fortunately got some spots at the comedy cellar which is you know that's a big thing over there that's the store the one yeah it's the one and although gotham looked unbelievable well gotham's a lot bigger wider yeah gotham's 300 seats the the comedy cellar is three of their rooms hold like 70 and one of them holds 140 and what night uh what night's gotham on i did gotham on the tuesday right and it was full because Schultz was on.

Oh, wow. Is Gotham on every night? Yeah. They're all open pretty much every night. Right, yeah. Because why wouldn't you? If you've got a comedy club, you just open it all the time.

Makes sense. Especially with those... You've got 12 million people that live in and around you. Keep them open. So the first thing that struck me at the Comedy Cellar was the lineup. So I got given three spots

at the Comedy Cellar. I got given Wednesday. I got given Friday spots at the comedy cellar i got given wednesday i got given friday and saturday night and when i say night i mean night night so friday night i was actually on a quarter past 12 saturday morning and saturday night i was meant to be on at 10 to 2 sunday morning it's really late show and all three of my spots were supposed to be in the Fat Black Pussycat Bar. Which is upstairs, is it? It's above the Village Underground,

which is round the corner from the original Comedy Cellar. They're all within 30 seconds walking distance, essentially. But the Fat Black Pussycat Lounge is essentially you're not properly in yet, but we'll book you. Right? Yeah. It's like the... The under 23s. Yeah. you're not properly in yet, but we'll book you. Right? Yeah. It's like the, the under 23s.

Yeah. It's the, it's the, let's see room. I was there, but you still go and hang out in the olive tree bar above the original comedy seller before you go and do your spot. That's what everyone's there.

So I go there on the Wednesday and in that room, the cypher sounds, it does a lot of work with Dave Chappelle. There's a lot of work over here with the likes of Mo Gilligan and Guz Khan really really sound guy he's a DJ

he's a DJ on stage with Chappelle yeah yeah oh he's great so he's he's there and the line up was Dan Soda

do you know Dan Soda heard of him Dan Soda phenomenal Colin Quinn who's like a walking legend isn't he a literal everyone looks up to him he's the and not to disrespect mcferry he's the mcferry of new york every comic is like he's amazing and he he helped me a bit and he's got so much stuff but he's put netflix specials out yeah everything

if you've seen uh train wreck he plays amy schumer's dad in train wreck yeah um and i've heard he gets reference on american podcasts like a true legend and everyone's got a colin quinn impression as well yeah like he's really had an influence on and he's still going still doing it yeah so you've got dan soda colin quinn, Ronnie Cheng, Chris DiStefano. Chrisy D! All on one bill. Right. Cypher Sounds.

I fucking love Chrisy D. I was literally sat there like, when was the last time a comedy club in the UK had a lineup like that that wasn't a charity gig? a line up like that that wasn't a charity gig it's just the closest I would imagine

is some of the top secret nights that happen that you've talked about where maybe Jack Whitehall and Sean Walsh and you have been down

yeah and it's been a yeah the culture is totally different these were all listed these were all oh yeah it's

it's Wednesday night and I'm at the cellar. And all... You circuit gig in town and you tour in the rest of the country. Is that how they see it? Essentially. If you're in New York,

that's where you do your bread and butter. Yeah. Like Gaffigan goes to Gotham, doesn't he? Yeah. I've heard Gaffigan... He was there literally at the show I did. The show I did at Gotham

was called Comedy Juice. It was run by a guy called Chris Millhouse. He's a comic. He's dead sound. I've met him before and he's the one who put me on Gaffigan was on the exact week before me

yeah so he's mentioned that and then he goes and sells 3,000 seater theatres in every other bit of America

but because he lives in New York he just nips down to Gotham it's their home club it's where they work their stuff out it's that sort of thing

that's so different from here yeah so that happens on the Wednesday I did the Fat Black Pussycat Lounge and there was 10 people in on the Wednesday right

and they were like that should have been cancelled and I was like well do you know what for 10 people they were as nice as 10 people as you can ever get watching stand-up

felt like doing a fringe show on a bad day right but it was also the 5th of January so not a lot of people go out in that first week do you know what i mean anyway that goes away and also covid's going fucking bananas over there in it yeah we'll talk about covid in a bit because it's so weird the difference in how people behave in new york compared to over, cool. Like the information people have been given, it's so different. Friday night, Fat Black Pussycat Bar again,

but it's full. And I'm on a quarter past 12 and it was great and I had a really great set and I come off. And all the other comics are like, fuck me, you're good. You know what you're doing. But do you know, for me,

I had really good sets, but it was quite weird on stage. I was like, it's slightly inconsistent. It wasn, but it was quite weird on stage. I was like, it's slightly inconsistent. It wasn't like it was medium. It was big, big laughs. And then a couple of murmurs. And you're like, what is that? Cause that I'm not used to that at all. And I figured that out. It's cause they can't understand every word I'm saying. As much as I'm softening my accent, there's bits they're missing. And there's little tiny references. Every gig I saying as much as I'm softening my accent there's bits there missing and there's little tiny references every gig I was as good as the person who went before me or better every gig

and sorry to everyone I followed but I know though yeah better I was having good sets but for me I was like that didn't land the way it's supposed to and it was when I did Gotham and schultz come up to me i was like that was fucking brilliant but there's a couple of you're just a couple of references away from like being completely indistinguishable from what i did and i was like well that's not true um it's happened to me in new zealand you're on stage everything's going well and they're better with the accent because mine's softer than yours and they're more used to english accents because they watch more english tv yeah and you'd be going really well really well really well and then you just get to a line that you thought was fucking you'd say something like and this isn't i don't mean this but crackers or something like and they have a different name for it yeah and then it just the

bit goes for for dunk. You're like, ah, it's the weirdest feeling. It's like you've just stepped in a pothole or something. It was never on a punchline. It was a couple of the build-up laughs got lost. And that's noticeable when you're used to them being there. But it was still good. So then, on the side.

And were you slowing down as well? Because like, you're used to playing different places. You're used to playing in the UK where they're like, it's a very strong accent, but were you slowing down as well? Because, like, you're used to playing different places. You're used to playing in the UK where they're, like, it's a very strong accent, but were you tuning it down? Yeah, yeah. I naturally do that anyway. The Saturday comes around, right? Me and Sam went to see Chicago,

went to a place called the Summit One Vanderbilt, which is, like, it's a building that only got finished building last year. And it essentially gives you the same view as the empire state building but you can also see the empire state building so it's sort of competing with and there's also art installations in there as well it was fucking great but then i went home for a nap because i was like i'm meant to be on stage at 10 to 2 and i'm tired now at seven o'clock right so we went for tea and i think we got back about nine or ten and i was like right i'll have a couple of hours and then i'll go to work because it's so bizarre i just had to do it yeah i get to so i'm meant to be on at 1 50 a.m

got to the cellar at one ordered a coffee and i'm just sat there and then the the show manager for that room comes over and goes Adam what are you you're Adam aren't you and I was like yeah they were like they've been looking for you around the corner for like 45 minutes I was like what why like you're doing the village underground which is the bigger room it's their biggest room I was like what the fuck so I checked the sheet and I've been edited onto it and I was like I haven't been told this so I run around they check my emails but because of American signal and stuff I'd got the email but I hadn't got the push notification yeah so they'd said we're going to move you from the fat black pussycat room to the village underground tonight

the bigger room you'll be on a 12 20 text to confirm but I hadn't texted to confirm but they'd still done it so I'm then late but and all they've done is they've just put every act that was meant to go on after me before me. And it's forgivable, isn't it? Yeah, the club was sound about it. Liz, who runs the show, so Esty Buck's the comedy seller. Liz, who runs it, was like, yeah, don't worry. I've got your number now.

Because I texted her and was like, look, I've got your number. I actually ordered. They had Liz's number from last time I was there. She just didn't remember me. And I was like, got it. And she's like, yeah, don't worry about it. I'm going to watch it. You go up. that was after i'd been stood at the in like the little

bar area waiting to go on smell a rat coming it's exciting the show manager comes over right and uh he's like how's it going i was like yeah a bit confused he went yeah don't worry about it um he's like you're up next you're going up after him it's like great yeah, a bit confused. He went, yeah, don't worry about it. He's like, you're up next. You're going up after him. He's like, great. The guy on was fucking brilliant as well. He just had a really good way on stage. I really enjoyed watching him. I'll tell you a couple of his jokes when we go into the break.

The compere then comes over to the guy who's running the show and me with Godfrey. Now, Godfrey, he was waiting to go on for later gentlemen and i watched godfrey twice and this guy's a fucking murderer and he's so sound i met him twice he's so sound but watching on stage i was like what the combat comes over and goes um he goes new york what yeah the combat comes over and goes to the show manager, so I'm going to put Garfrey on next, and then him. And the show manager goes, no, no, he's on next.

And he goes, no, he can wait. He can wait. He was late. He can wait. He can wait. And the show manager goes, I don't know about this. He goes, no, I'm putting Garfrey on, and then him. And then Liz comes out and goes, what's going on?

Like the show, the actual, like, manager of of the place and he goes uh who's up next and liz goes adam and then godfrey and he goes all right right right oh just throwing his weight around and then he not with the boss what has gone and he went to me you understand right you understand you're entertainer you were late you get it and i, I know exactly what you were trying to do, mate. Yeah. Ah, you little bitch. And then he brought me on and I had a really, really, really good set. And afterwards, he was really nice to me.

And he's like, here's my card. Let me know if you ever back out here. And I was like, ah, mate. Ah, yeah, you're a cunt. You tried to make me follow who I found out after watching him and listening to other people talk about him, who is widely considered one of the top three comics in New York.

You tried to make me go on after that guy. Right. Because I was a bit late. Because you're just one of them insecure cunts who doesn't like a name they don't know. Basically, and we know those cunts over here, are dead sound to people who they think are important or can help them and really dismissive of anyone that they deem not worthy of their attention and it is one

of the giveaway traits of a cunt isn't it so and then as soon as you've gone on it's basically you've gone on he's gone oh wow this guy's good hey Hey, here's my card. Yeah, interesting. Pussy. Oh, mate. We've got more to talk about, but I can smell food. Yeah, the food's here. Is the food here? Yeah. Oh, sweet.

See you in a sec. Adam, get off your phone. We're going to do a Manscaped ad. I'm reading what they want us to say. All right, we'll crack on. Ho, ho, ho, gentlemen. The holiday season is upon us. And this week's episode like many others is brought

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and they make a perfect Christmas present. So go and get yourself some stuff right now, and enjoy the rest of the episode. Peace. Concrete jungle where dreams are made of. There's nothing you can't do. I think he was the next guest on Jazz Night, isn't he? Ba-da-ba-da-boo-bop.

I did something wrong. Ba-da-ba-da-boo-bop. Oh, Ishan, what a fucking boy he was. Doing the Asian voice made me Oh, Ishan. What a fucking boy he was. Doing the Asian voice made me think of Ishan Egbert. Yes. He was a fucking... Lock-in's live now by the time this goes out.

Oh, Jesus. If you're not a patron, you should sign up. I wasn't at this one. But from a distance, it looked like absolute chaos. Yeah. So if you're a public pube, thank you. Thanks for your support support but there's more support you can give you can sign up to the patreon which is the best deal in world patreon

i'm there now yeah i took a little bit of pound for pound we are the best patient on the planet it is it's it's a lot man for pound with the best podcast on the planet pound for pound i'm the most handsome man on the planet pound poundound. Pound for pound. Pound. I don't think there's another man more handsome than me at my exact weight. Interested. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pound for pound, you have the biggest dick.

I don't know why I'm thinking about the poundage of your dick. Pound for pound, everyone's got the same size dick. Oh, that's nice to hear. Pound for pound, I haven't got a small little dick. Because everyone's... My little red racket. You're in the fly dick division. Oh, I stumbled on that.

You stumbled on my dick. Surely feather dick's better. Sign up to the Patreon, you absolute fucking pound for pound p'yob. The lock-in is unreal. Jamie H, Jamie Hutchinson gets troll drunk. That was literally like he was going, who's clip-clopping on my bridge? It was horrific to watch.

Just getting him to sit up from that couch after the record. He sort of came up with it, but he's like banging down against it. He's trying to get his charger from the corner of the room. I thought he meant his coat. His coat was in the corner, and he was trying to articulate He's trying to get his charger from the corner of the room. I thought he meant his coat. His coat was in the corner. And he was trying to articulate, I need to get my charger. And he was going, no!

No, my thing! My thing! He left his jumper as well. Did you see what Eshan tweeted? Was he drunker than Max was when he came on? No, but that's not possible, is it? No, so Max was stupid drunk and on the pod. Jamie was drunk, and then we just had 10 minutes of chilling

after we stopped recording, and that was when Jamie just fell off a cliff. And he got back to the Premier Inn. Finn, you love Premier Inns. And drunk on, Eshan was really good because me and Finn were getting a taxi back to the Premier Inn Finn You love Premier Inns And Roncorn Ishan was really good Because me and Finn Were getting a taxi back To Chester

And Because we're seeing each other And It's nice isn't it It's good news And Adam goes away Stop fucking Finn It's amazing

Weird Didn't like him before Now I'm banging him Pound for pound That's what I do And Yeah they got to the Premier Inn Pound them for a pound

A pound Yeah a pound stop it and uh just give him mike give me a dick stop stop it and uh the woman at the uh reception said to ishan just asking is your friend really drunk or does he have cerebral palsy because if it's the latter i've got to log it that That's how drunk he fucking was. Yeah. He was cerebral palsy. They were playing tennis.

They were playing Here's a Ridiculous Story and he shall not go, okay, there's a more ridiculous story and Jimmy go, okay. And he just played tennis for three hours. It was very good. So sign up.

It's available at patreon.com slash word pod. What was it? You nailed it. What was it? patreon.com slash what was it you nailed it what was it patreon.com

slash um oh we've got to get that website 75 you haven't heard your new song yet you're going to play it today then yeah

do you want to do it after the New York New Yorks yeah yeah I just wanted to hear it because I feel like we've got more to we've got more to hear about more thread that Knicks game looked

fucking amazing as well we were at the game of the season apparently nice so the Knicks were 25 points down and they won at the buzzer so I

I'll be into basketball for the rest of my life now because it was that good it's such a fast free scoring sport but for those who don't know you know when the clock runs down

on a game of like footy, wherever the ball is on the pitch, the game's over. In basketball, if you've shot before it hits zero, that shot still counts. So it was dead tied at 105 to 105. And someone called a timeout or it went out of play or whatever and there was 1.5 seconds left on the

clock and the Knicks had the ball. So what they've got to do in that situation is just throw it to someone who just goes for it and they did it and they got it and the place fucking erupted. That was great. Who were they playing? What? Boston. oh my god

biggest rivals oh that was insane Celtics amazing what's the atmosphere like in the like is it

when they were losing like Goodison Park toxic as fuck oh no Goodison's like a meadow oh doesn't like jokes

about Everton they're shite. Yeah. Well, at least the Knicks only got one trophy in their glory years. I didn't say it. Yeah. When they won, like, quite the noise in there. It was sick.

And what's everyone around you? Is it like, are they, I don't know, my, I just think, well, it's so expensive. So I imagine there's some people near us who I was like, you found these tickets, didn't you? You didn't pay what we paid for these. Right. And then, and that's fine.

Because they look rough. Yeah. And then there's people there who- Who saved up all year to get that one ticket. Maybe, yeah. And then, like, we they look rough. Yeah. And then there's people there who... Who saved up all year to get that one ticket. Maybe, yeah. And then, like, we were in quite good seats. And they're bringing beers round. You can, like, the...

What's it called? The... Concourse? The concourse. The amount of options for food. There's, like, an Asian restaurant, a burger joint. Like, there's everything there. You can get anything you want.

Got myself a bit of merch. I'm a Knicks fan now. Yeah, it was just fucking great. restaurant a burger joint like there's everything there you can get anything you want uh got myself a bit of merch i'm a knicks fan now yeah it was just fucking great it's a great great great game to be a what's quite interesting celtics celtics fans anywhere or yeah is it right next to us and yeah there's just no segregation whatsoever no there's not in the states you got a ticket in your comp and i don't know how they don't i really love that and you see it in the States. Just like, you got a ticket? In your cup. And I don't know why they don't give it to you. I really love that. You see it in the NFL. I don't watch the NBA. I cannot get into another American sport because I can't give up any more time to sport.

But you see them in the stadium and there's like, Chargers are playing the Raiders and like, the Raiders score and the Raiders fans are like, and the Chargers fans are like, in camera going, boo!

Hey! Boo to you, guy! You know, whoa, got fucking edgy there, guys. Yeah. What's the next song? Go, Nick. What's the song? Yeah.

It's the... Nick's! Nick's! Always believe in yourself. Score loads of baskets tonight. Beat Boston or whoever we're playing. Oh, that was good. The song matched the team, didn't it?

Luckily, it was that game. Because on the other night. Beat Boston or whoever we're playing tonight. Score all the goals. You're big tall black men. Apart from that one. Was it a white one?

Whitey McWilloughby. The guy who scored 30 points for the next that night is called something faunier and he's french oh yeah he was white white as fuck actually uh pardon can you say that white white as fuck can you say that how the other one how what I don't you know what I told you no he wasn't he was how would you say black as fuck no I wouldn't no I don't

no don't think you will stop trying to get this podcast cancelled Carl what are you doing it was a question are you going to send it on behalf of the alien race

you know full well you can't say what you just said stop being the guy that says the things that you can't say it was a question oh you know white as fuck though I mean i'm not offended are you what i am now that you're saying it

really yeah yeah but it's white on white no one gives a fuck about white on white is there anything that makes him white or is it just because everyone else is black? I think in contrast. Right. He stood out. He looks mixed race. No, he's not. He looked like a milky bar in a bag of Maltesers. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. He stands out. Yeah, he does. Look at that picture Finn Slytherin so you are oh he does look white as fuck

what about the man next to him he looks like a really good player what merch did he get for some reason I feel the need to ask you

money all the time and how much was it like I fucking like I paid a hundred and twenty dollars for a a zip up oh nice yeah ask you money all the time like and how much was it like i fucking like i paid 120 for the uh a zip up oh nice yeah it's a memory as well yeah the best night's the holiday yeah yeah there's a boozing proper boozing going on but it's yeah i had about 10 beers at the game i was probably i had the most fun at that right it was great so we went to a lot of i'll tell you what was interesting

out there we mentioned before the covid thing because we went to a lot of sam booked a lot of speakeasies for us to go like cool the coolest bars out there are speakeasy themed and that's great i love that sort of stuff i'd rather be in a good bar like that than a club and i had some amazing cocktails i drank a lot of rum old-fashioned, like a lot. But what's quite interesting is going to a bar, speakeasy themed, and for those who don't know what those bars are,

they're based on the time of prohibition in America where drinking alcohol was illegal and there was little secret places you could go to drink with people. That's what they're based on.

In the 90s. It's a different time, isn't it? Yeah. 1996. This was 1996. I wasn't in time, isn't it? Yeah. 1996. This is 1996. I wasn't in a speheasy then until 97. From before.

What's really funny to me in these strange times we live in is going to a little door that's got no sign on it, but you know it's the right one, and you knock on it, and you've booked online, right? And you've knocked, and a little guy comes along goes how can i help you he's literally opened it a crack like that you know like when your mom when like the the provident loan man came around to collect the money when you were a kid let me just remember nope what do you want so you go and you go oh we've got a we'd like to come in for a drink and then he goes have you got

a booking yeah what's the name this what's the password you have to get a password with your booking like you can't just say you had a booking right i forgot my passport right check your email you'll have to fucking but it's quite weird to have that experience and then be asked to put your mask on do you know what i mean like to be in a prohibition bar yeah we're against the rules to be asked to then put your mask on and provide your vaccine passports uh it just sort of ruins the illusion it turns a good speakeasy into a bad weather spoons quite quickly i mean love it like what do you want uh i don't know what you got it's clearly a fucking bar you bellend i want to come in drinking

just advice on restaurants in the local area I'm actually looking to do jeans reunited there's one in town where Judy works there it's great it only ever happens in the cities where they're actively trying to avoid people coming and spending money there

if you're from a small town restaurants are like we are a restaurant please come and spend money and then in like Manchester, Liverpool New York this place is like

shut up no what are you are you from here you didn't book online no we're a

book club do you remember X directory in Liverpool yeah used to enter through a phone box there's a lift yeah there's a

place in Nottingham that's like a boiler place. Is that an internet bar? It's called the... I know places. I know a boiler shop. Got a really good boiler. It's called the Boiler Room.

I know Boiler Room, yeah, yeah. It looks like somewhere where you go in and buy a new boiler. It's very famous. And actually you go through the little hatch and it's a speakeasy. I think it's a bit hacky. Yeah.

I know it was cool. I thought that was cool 10 years ago. And now, like, I think you're trying too hard to not try hard. Yeah. You know, like, oh, we've put a fake. It's a boiler shop. But every cunt knows about it. So I was like, oh, my God, boilers.

Ah, no one knows. Apart from everyone on TripAdvisor. You cunts you cunts that is like that is the weirdest one like there was one in new york in a hot dog shop and it was like if you go through there that's like that but like a boiler shop is have you been to the orphanage in liverpool yeah you actually go through and there's loads of kids without families and they're crying and there's a kid in the far and you have to sort of pull his hand to the left and then the wall moves it's really cool they ask you not to feed the orphans though because it really the leather shop it would be the best wouldn't it oh that would make so much sense yeah do you know about

the leather shop is it is it but it's an actual leather shop so they say is it or is it you're just trying to find just pull one bit of leather that there must be a bar behind it so that right do you know about the leather shop at all you got any idea about the leather shop as much as i have about the guy knocking on for the money no right so in liverpool central station there's a shop called the leather shop and they sell and i put that in an inverse of common sort of reason leather jackets no one's ever been in there no i went in there once and the guy panicked because he must have thought i was like the police or something right it's a weird little gaff and it's like do you know if there's ever like a nuclear apocalypse right and they blow up everything like the whole world gets decimated there'll be three things left in

liverpool right there'll be the leather shop the hollywood bowl on edge lane oh yeah and wherever hmv is now you can't kill it you can't kill hmv They've survived so many closures. It's a drugs front, but it's not the best drugs front. But like the guy in there. But is it a drugs front? Oh, yeah. Can you put the telly on and get it up and show them so you can picture it? The guy in there looks like Eshan's great granddad, right?

He's just. He looks dead, he is. But that photo must have been taken years ago because he's small and hunched over now right nobody that is still there and it looks exactly like that and it's been there since i was as young as i can remember can we go i'd love to go can we go and put it on patreon yeah and we all have to buy one bit of leather you won't have you want to facilitate you won't have tills you won't have the facilities to buy for customers

in one day. What's the best drugs front in Liverpool? Oh, the Florida Property Corner. So in Chilwell in Liverpool. Which is quite

an affluent area. But it's not. It's not though. Yeah. Called Chilwell. Yeah. It's where my granddad and me

nan lived when I was a kid, so I spent quite a lot of time there. But there's a huge, Google this now, there's a huge shop. And I mean, it's the size of like two Tesco metros, right?

Yeah. And it is the Florida Property Center and all it sells is properties in Florida. As if like there's millions of people in Chilwell and they feel like, do you know what I want? What I fancy for... It may well be called We Clean Drug Money. Walter White's Florida.

It's so big, it's almost like they've tried to get a place big enough so they could show you different versions of Florida properties. It's hilarious that it's still there. Like that to me is a drug dealer going to the police. Have a look at this. That is a big Curtis Warren, fuck you. He's like, la, la, la, la, da, da, da. He's doing something this and he's doing it over there. He's like, la-la-la-la-da-da-da. He's doing something this, and he's doing it over there.

He's like, hey-oh-hey. And he's got like a fucking leather shop over there. It's too obvious. What would you do, though, if you had to Ozark it and you had to launder money? What would that mean? Ice cream van. Ice cream van?

Oh, blah. But how are you? What? That's not, that's illegal money, isn't it? Exactly. ice cream van but how are you what that's not that's illegal money isn't it exactly double bluff

where would you put the profits from the brothel ah fucking doing really well here into Carl's ice cream van yeah there's an ice cream van with a tax return

of 2.8 million pounds four going oh lads you're dodging your count going selling a lot of fucking fags here. Fabs.

Ah. I meant fabs. Do you sell? Do you sell ciggy nuts, though? What? Our ice cream man sells ciggies. Yeah. Lucy's?

I've told you this before. Our ice cream man sold everything. Yeah. Yeah. You couldn't do it for a car. I got a car that's tracking off him once. Honestly. Jesus Christ.

You've come back from New York more scouse he sells Florida property as well yeah from his from his van

I have a 99 but if you run a brothel with your drug money in a fucking bungalow then they'll be looking at the brothel they won't be looking at your drug money

they'll be like oh there's that brothel running guy they won't be like oh there's that drug dealer but you still have all the drug money no yeah that money's not allowed but you still have all the drug money no yeah

that money's not allowed so you're just putting not allowed money through not allowed money you've still not laundered any money you didn't let me finish right in the back there's a chip shop that's doing some fucking amazing trade two customers it sells chips oh yeah you just pull the tit of a prostitute and all of a sudden harry ramsden's opens up hey hey is this a some horny looking asian dude like hello is this a is this a brothel you're like yeah just yank on all of a sudden he's got a fucking load of chips. Yeah. So you have the real thing. Like you just constantly keep them guessing.

I think that's what you do as a drug dealer. You run into many, many criminal activities. So they don't know which ones are going to happen. Florida property. Whoring in the chip shop. That's an expensive chip shop to put. Speakeasy drug money. I only get six customers a year.

HMRC. HMRC have got, like, the average income of an ice cream van and the average income of a chip shop. Adam's Ice Cream Chips hauls duplexes in Miami. So we're going to go trade 1.7 billion. No, what I'm saying is, right, if you are a criminal, the police have got limited resources, haven't they?

So if you just run, like, several hundred criminal enterprises, they can't get you for everything, and they'll end up getting you for nothing. Oh, that's what criminals need to do. Run several hundred criminal enterprises and just get lost in the weeds. Yes. Yeah.

You're just a criminal once. You need to be a criminal 412 times at the same time. Also, if you run several hundred criminal enterprises, you can launder just small amounts of money through and they'll be like, do you know what? We know that company's a criminal company, but it's not even worth our time. We'll go after the big fish when really I am the big fish. I've just

split it between many salmon. Thank you for that. Ancient Japanese proverb. Split it between many salmon. One big fish and many salmon. Two chip shops, one knocking shop. Florida property. Has anyone ever tried it? No. Therefore, shops, one knocking shop. Florida property.

Has anyone ever tried it? No. Therefore, you can't be wrong. Oh, they have. And you got away with it because it's that good. Mind blown. Couldn't open a comedy club if we were laundering money because we'd be too good at it.

It's a humble brag, but if Havowherba, like, right, we've got in some, like, it turns out, you know, I had that issue with drugs and I was like, i'm gonna see a counselor actually i am 1.8 million in debt to the chechen chester drug lords again yeah again and i'm like lads we're gonna have to they've got me in now they're using i've got to loan the money for them otherwise i'm gonna get shot and know in your head you're thinking uh well we're one down dan's shot he shan um but uh yeah you couldn't do a comedy club because i think we'd run it too well you need somewhere that's basically taking no money on the door and you can be like we made

four grand on the door no you don't that's that's the wrong way around doesn't need to be popular so you can no no no it needs to be popular so that when you go oh everyone bought 50 drinks each but there was 400 people and that's why we've sold this many if there's no one going in that's when it looks suspicious right right it needs to be busy and you over egg the pudding dan right you over egg i put more eggs in the pudding than the pudding is meant to have you make a really what are you doing what are you working in so many? I'll pick a fish and many salmon. Egg

in the salmon. So you'd have a busy laundering company and then just you know, everyone bought. Not many people know this but that's what's happened

to Woolworths. Woolworths went under because they were doing too well and for years people were like hmm they're probably alright

and then they started looking into it so they shut that so that the other businesses that they're doing this with pick a mix doesn't that seem

expensive to you so what's Mr Leather doing then if he's he has two customers per decade how is he a legitimate drug drug

because the police don't go in they're scared there's also a speakeasy Greg's in the back of it yeah that's popular they do festive bakes

all year round oof illegally legally oh my god this is so naughty it's June I'd have a laundrette

proper like take the piss if I was laundering money I'd have a big money a hand car wash. That's the one, innit? You just wash loads of money. Just get loads of Polish people to wash money from.

Piss off the Chechens. That's Dev Fresh there. Smell that. It's got Lenore on it, that money. Oh, this is lovely money. What voice is that? Chechen. Can you do better?

No. COVID. That's how you... No Covid That's how you Covid That's how you clean money I want to know You went in the speakeasy And there's the mask Yeah

When he asked me He was like Could you just put your mask Above your nose And I was like Mate We're in The rebellious party

Aren't we They're just fake rebellious Aren't they The mask thing is so stupid So what's everyone like In the States Because it's People are wearing masks outside. The infection rate is...

A woman attacked me in the street. Well, attack's the wrong word. Good. She ran at me with a handkerchief and pushed me out the way. That's the wrong word. And you opened with jazz clubs. You didn't open with another batshit crazy lady. So she had her mask

most people in the streets have got their mask on most right I'd say about 70% she they want to hang out in Runcorn where people don't know about masks

she had two masks on because that's how it works and she ran at me like this because I didn't have mine on and she moved me out the way in the streets oh the fucking punch that I did should have mine on and she moved me out the way in the street oh the fucking punch that I did

should have been like you brought a tissue to a gun fight and then shot her should have spat on the tissue that was unnecessary straight in

oh mate yeah they're a bit mad but the comics aren't the comics are laughing about it they're all like this is fucking insane

but every place you needed a vaccine passport to get in but they didn't check it they checked your name against your ID but my passport

could have literally just said I am proper vaccinated me you know go ahead give it all give it all fashion there girl

this COVID passport is from the leather shop Liverpool don't sound get on me do you want a pasty gives an old fashioned there Gil this Covid passport is from the leather shop Liverpool don't sound get on me do you want a pasty round the back any time of year

yeah it's it's weird because we've never had that here masks in the streets has never been a thing here

no no yeah and over there like in masks sat down in a lot of places he's like covid when you walk to the toilet sat down it's gone that's fine you can understand why if someone

not from this country would be like oh this is so stupid because it is that was a daft rule right they're still doing covid mask on to walk to your table take it off if you go to the toilet put it back on I suppose someone's done the medical research on that but it still seems fucking stupid Wales is the same apparently

it just doesn't make any sense anyway though like 2014 oh Wales but it's all joking aside Wales you've got to wear you've got to wear a mask

to bed haven't you you've got to sleep in your mask that's true what I said when he was me i had my mask on finn did a call back i've forgotten that we did that banter i was like what adam it's been a weird week since you've been away um from before yeah boy i'm so bored of it now man yeah i'm man really bad I feel like you lot

last year I'm fucking well over it well he's fucked it hasn't he majorly fucked it so now everyone's done absolutely disgraceful scenes

I watched PMQs like Adam watches Liverpool games you know I was doing work and I was like

oh fuck it's midday and it just came up on my Twitter and I just had it there it's the most shameful scenes of like everyone hates him that's just standard but if he thinks he can just like bluster and semi-apologize and refuse to deal with what's going on like it's just gone beyond, like, it's so utterly ridiculous. Now it's beyond, like, oh, I hate him, I hate the Tories. It's like, as a man, you should be ashamed of what you're doing.

Like, to be standing there going, it was awful to watch. Do you think he should resign? The only thing that, I think just, he should have already gone. He's got a plan haven't he? He clearly got a plan. This is my problem with him resigning.

We're going to get a more effective Tory fighting the next election. So I don't want him to resign because this cunt is damaging the Tories and I would love it if Labour, I know you're not a Keir Starmer fan, won this next election.

They absolutely need to. So, he will not run at the next election anyway. No, it's Rishi. So, here's why I don't want him to resign and this is because I want to win the next election. I've seen this on a, Gail explained this online the other day. We now, although we don't necessarily have the system in place yet for it we run on a presidential system really

when it comes to voting people don't vote for their local mp they vote for the leader the debates were a massive change that was 10 12 years ago wasn't it that's a very un-british thing so because you vote for your m MP you're meant to but nobody they choose a leader but there you vote on a leader of a party so at the minute

the Tories are unpopular because Boris is unpopular and they're 10 points behind in the polls and if he goes and Rishi comes in or anyone else

and it could be Priti Patel and that would actually be worse than Boris Johnson because she's not only as evil as him she's also very worse than Boris Johnson. Oh, no, it's definitely worse. Because she's not only as evil as him, she's also very intelligent, and Boris Johnson's a thick twat.

If they get rid of him, they get rid of the hate. If they replace him with someone more popular, and they'll have more time to build up to the next election with someone rebuilding what he's broken. You said it's really ominous that Rishi's been pulled out of public life. That's the Tories protecting their next move. So Boris is taking all of these shots absolutely deservedly. The left-wing press have got all of this.

I think they've had this for a while, and they are just waiting and then hitting with another like they're layering they're going for it and he's dead he's like he's a lame duck now uh but it's it's ominous that rishi sunak has been pulled back from like there's no shit can get can get flung at rishi because he's not around and that means that when boris finally trips and falls when he loses the back benches because they don't want to lose their seats at the election that's where the presidential system doesn't work because the MPs want to get their constituencies back so if they think this fucker is going to lead them into a defeat that he'll be gone and then Rishi comes

out all shiny and new and he's the guy that gave everyone a few thousand quid and that's not how it works because that was a tax rebate but essentially it's been packaged by the Tories to look like, you remember that money you got? That was from Rishi. Yeah. No, it wasn't.

And he'll win? Easily? Oh, that's not fucking, I hope not. But it was beyond the politics to stand there and watch a man just flounder and fuck up where Jim Shannon was talking about his mother-in-law the day before and they'd sent out some junior minister to just...

A junior minister that no one has ever seen before went to take the abuse of the Labour MPs and then Jim Shannon getting upset about his mother-in-law and it was so hard to watch. Just a fucking disgraceful... We slag off the Tories,ries rightly so it's not what our politics are about and we don't talk about politics loads but watching this is a fucking embarrassment just as a man not even as a prime minister just as or a politician just as a person

what a fucking idiot um disgraceful um The only thing with Rishi coming in, I think Rishi will win. That he's Asian. What? Yeah. And I'm not doing it as a joke. The country is racist. There's a lot of racism in this country.

And I think the only horrible chance Labour have got of beating Rishi Sunak or Priti Patel is the fact that the old white people might not want a person of colour in charge. Well, I'd be interested to see if they put their racism against their money because that's how old white people think about it, isn't it? You vote Tory, you protect your savings.

But you've got to remember, Keir Starmer is much more of a centre-left than Corbyn. He's much more of a Tony Blair. He's much more of a centre-left than Corbin. He's much more of a Tony Blair. He's much more of a... He won't get painted like that by the red tops, though. Say Tony Blair, by the way. That's funny, by the way. We haven't had a chance to talk about that because I was away.

Say Tony Blair is, objectively speaking, both horrendous... And hilarious. And hilarious. That's the Queen having a laugh. Yeah. both horrendous and hilarious and hilarious yeah erm that's that's the queen having a laugh yeah

that's the queen going my sons are nonce and I can still make things worse yeah it's not the queen is it it's just the system it's a system

that we're not part of it's the elites does the queen not pick them no I've been sending the wrong fan mail me no of course

she's a part of it though surely yeah yeah No. I've been sending the wrong fan mail, me. No, of course. She's a part of it, though, surely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm not taking the piss. Is she not? Yeah. No. The Queen didn't sit there with a notepad going, it's not like, who do you pick for a fucking comedy night?

Oh, Rob Mulholland's good. Freddie's got some new bits. Say it, Freddie Quinn. She's told, isn't it? It's all just, it's so corrupt. I fucking hate her. There's no comedy here. I'd much rather talk about.

I do. I think she doesn't own her own. Like Fantasy League? I tell you what I love. Les Ferdinand. Let's make him an MBE. Phenomenal finisher. He might be.

Yeah, he should be. Fucking bag of them if you're the queen now and you're single right you'd just nominate someone who you fancy

I love it how in your head she's like single she is single I know technically she's single but in your life he's gone she's out there

fucking Tory Tinder no but if she fancied like I don't know Ant McPartland she could just make him say her answer that she gets to meet him and she's like ooh just slides him a little note going do you want to be an earl

yeah wanna be a duke yeah i'll give you the d you give me the d yeah put your sword on my shoulders and in the ass there you go there you go It was playful For about a minute And my partner goes I'm going Oh right Cock in the eye Listen You give some great advice Adam People

People have been Asking for advice Give him the headphones So he can hear the song For the first time Do you want to hear it? I'd love to really Oh I listened to it It was in the inbox really I listened to it I'd love to, really.

Oh, I listened to it. It was in the inbox, really. I listened to it. That is an instant banger. Thank you, Harry. You feeling like you've got some good advice in you? Yeah. Always. Always. I know what needs doing me. Hello, dear Agony Adam.

One needs the dick. Can you advise? That's from Liz. Big Liz. Hi, Liz. This is a real one. That was a fake one, Adam. I just made that up. Did you? I was just pretending to be the queen. She watches Amazon to get me out of here there's no reason

why she can't watch this I think there's a few do you reckon she's been told about us you know because we've spoken about her quite a bit do you reckon like

it's been flagged and they've been like hey I'm Liz Gill there's a podcast up in Liverpool saying like all this shit do you want to have a listen

who's that she's got a scouse who's that a butler keith no i'm a patron i don't even think they're funny like they're all right one's a wolf two it's just clickbait. Hi, lads. Hi, lads. Hi, lads. I think you might need to give me some advice. My brother has just gotten engaged to his girlfriend. The issue is that

the rest of the family, including me, thinks she's a controlling, manipulative prick, yet he can't see it and gets pissed off when we try to say something. Should I just be happy for him although probably for seeing what will happen at a later date or do i keep trying to get through to him love the pod it's from anonymous oh my dear so we've got a rat who's about to get fucking married into the family it's a a tricky one. I haven't really got experience with this

because my little brother, you know, he just plows and move on. Yeah. He's never had a serious girlfriend. Good luck on that first date with Jack Rowe if you've got one coming. You'll get fucked.

Yeah. No problem. No problem. Will I get fucked? Because girls are like, I just can't get fucked these days i'm sick of meeting young lads in their early 20s you just don't want to bang how easy must it be if you're a semi-attractive girl in your early 20s you're just like

i just fancy some sex if i you could literally just slightly open a window go i fancy sex all the fucking horny dogs from the neighbourhood stand at a bus stop with your arsehole out you see I think you might you might lose some of the higher calibre

gentlemen with that one genuinely if you saw a girl cock cock who was at a bus stop with her arsehole out I might think do you know what

I might swerve this one I'd approach it like you know when someone's still got a tag on their top yeah you're like excuse me love you just gotta go an arsehole out there have a go yeah yeah i smell her breath and if she's brushed her teeth plow on right so minty fresh breath is the problem when you've got your arsehole out breath means minty fresh arsehole do you have a sniff of the bumhole just in case?

I don't, yeah. Have you got a clean mouth, clean bumhole in it? That's a fact. It's a well-known fact. Mint? Mint? How do you clean your arsehole, love? Floss.

Oh, no. You cut. Candy floss. That's the first advice done now. Floss. Candy floss That's the first advice That's advice done now Floss Candy floss Word I think No I think we're done now

That was good advice Adam Aye Leave it Whatever that was So The advice is Get your Arse out of a bus stop

Wash it with candy floss Yeah Get on me So We Now I've got to be careful because this is a public episode but we i have a friend and his brother was getting married to a bellend very very similar to this and i was there the morning of no so they were getting married his brother was there with the the girlfriend fiance and i really got a bad vibe like i was like is she and i'd met the brother before never met his partner and there was a sort of like yeah she's just a bit of a hassle

and my mate was in this exact same situation, was so close to going, I love you, but I can see a problem here. I just think you're missing that this is, she's an arsehole and decided that he didn't want to bust up his relationship with his brother. They got married a few months later and the divorce happened one year after that

and it's been acrimonious as fuck and horrible. So it's like I've seen this situation play out, but then again, what if my mate had said something? Would it have changed anything? Or would you just had an argument with your brother? If someone's in love with an arsehole, have they just got to ride it out? I think what you've got to do in that situation is set it up right you've got

it yeah i like it you've got to go to your brother and go look i think your missus is a controlling psychopath she might even be murderous one day i'm going to prove it to you. Right? And then you give her... Murderous. Yeah. Psychopaths murder people. Yeah. You give her opportunities to be the controlling twat. And you need more than you.

You need, you know, it needs to be sort of intervention style. You go, look, don't just take our word for it. We're going to set up similar situations to what we know she's going to act a certain way in. And we'll tell you in advance how she will react to this thing. So you're going on on a tell her you're going on a stag do what she will

react this way tell her you're going here with your mates she'll react this way tell her this she will react this way and if she reacts like that we're right you've called it yeah yeah but then he doesn't necessarily he might still might want to be with her just because she's controlling just because he doesn't like it doesn't mean this he doesn't necessarily... He still might want to be with her, just because she's controlling. Just because he doesn't like her doesn't mean this man doesn't like her. If your whole family is calling Nobbed... Like, I've literally seen this situation where, like, brother and all of the mum and the dad

were like, she's not great, this is just hard work. And they all decided to keep their peace with it rather than have it kick off. Got married, horrible divorce, and he all decided to keep the peace with it rather than have it kick off. Got married, horrible divorce, and he lost loads of money because he had to, even though through a year of marriage, lost a huge chunk of his house that he paid more for.

Like, would it have been better to just have it out and go, mate, this is not easy to hear. Do not kick off. There's just bad vibes coming off this cunt. You've got to approach it with genuine cunt you've got to approach it with genuine advice you've got to approach it with look if you want to stay with her

we'll support that we love you and if it goes wrong we'll be there for you but we can see something bad coming here and and then set it up yeah you don't want to lose your relationship with your brother because they could she could be around for a long fucking time oh i feel for you mate not easy just check the local bus stops as well because you're devon dell you know what i mean yeah she could be a great app that she could be our souls.com and how would that work whenever you go to a bus stop and get your ass what about you check in and everyone gets in the last first one there first go right so the people who

check in for themselves would it not be like ways where there's something on the side of the road and someone drives past and goes oh shit something on the side of the road

like I don't think someone's going to be like oh fuck I'm at a bus stop with my arsehole out but I've not I've not checked in well they're going to have to that's how the app works

maybe it works both ways if they forget to check in or the battery dies then pass they shout a pass in traffic check me in on busstop arseholes.com let everyone know is the car moving slowly yeah because they're red light yeah oh it's a right yeah yeah i suppose cars probably would move slowly if there's a woman they're taking her pants off and had her arsehole out. Big sign saying, bum me in the head.

Oh, that's a different layer, isn't it? Head me in the bum. Right. God, she's got her own sign. Could happen. Got to be a lonely moment for a woman when she's got the big piece of cardboard and like, just writing it out. I need to just I need to go on

normal dates bum me in the head that's nice colour that bit of shading off she goes I forgot to check in I'm just saying

if women want to get their arse out of bus stops because they want to bang who am I to judge her it's a great point no one I've thought about before but spot on it's

none of my business i'm just saying just watch this woman because she might be a you know a patron of that website she sounds like a fucking nightmare oh i hate it when your mates and your family marry twats it's horrible all you wish for your mates and your family marry twats. It's horrible. All you wish for your mates and your closest and your loved ones is just don't end up with a knobhead. And it's not always for them. It's more like, oh, please don't make me spend Christmas with a dick. Oh, let's play Monopoly. Let's fuck off.

That's also what trans people say to their doctors in November. Let's play Monopoly. Run that by me again. Please don't make me spend Christmas with a dick. In my head I was trying to work out the Monopoly line. That's a really quick turnaround on that. Trans operation, isn't it? No, well's the problem the doctor's like we can't get this done this year and she's like please

please please I do not want to have to go Christmas shopping with a knob help help you'd be you know if you're getting that operation done I think you want it done right

rather than quickly isn't it I don't know you're not going Turkey for that are you can you yeah

Thailand as well can you get Turkey flange yeah yeah Thailand's the best for that Turkey tits Turkey tits

Filipino fanny phonetically works yeah remember you remember the rules it has to be elicitative but it isn't phonetically works yeah remember the rules it has to be elicitative but it isn't but it sounds

just about got that one in squeezed that one against the post you get a new fan Vietnamese Vaj yeah you can go to Vietnam for that one as well yeah yeah yeah Moscow Minge

I was going to go Malaysian Muff because we were in Moscow Minge the Moscow Minge it's a city based... That is a bitter drink. Fucking hell. Too much lime in that, kid.

That is tart. Barnsley Biff as well. Barnsley Biff! Holy shit, get me on a fucking Cathay Pacific to the Far East for any of my new vagina needs I am not going Barnsley for a biff have you ever

got an Algerian asshole you could do some Egyptian eyebrows as well Egyptian eyebrows yeah Algerian

assholes is Dan I don't know if that makes sense but is he Algerian no he's Moroccan no he's Algerian he's Algerian asshole Zidane I don't know if Zidane Makes sense but Is he Algerian? No he's Moroccan No he's Algerian

He's Algerian Yeah French isn't he? He's Algerian Oh hang on Beast Head of Titch lad What's the matter?

He won't get that He won't get that At all In my head I was like What's Monopoly got to do With a trans operation? Yeah, I didn't mean that. Mono.

I was like, oh yeah. Don't make me spend Christmas with a dick. Right, wag wag lids. I'm in a difficult situation here and I need to know if my plan to tackle it is highly immoral or not. I've been dating a girl for six months now and that honeymoon stage is starting to wear off. I've realised that a girl for six months now and that honeymoon stage is starting

to wear off. I've realized that she's not the one for me. We lost our virginity plates together, sorry, our V plates together, which is most likely the reason for my false feelings towards her. The single life seems very appealing to me, but there's a big complication. Although, although I did lose my virginity to her, I haven't yet I've still yet to experience proper penetrative sex Due to me having Phimosis My foreskin is too tight Making sex extremely painful for me

Memories Due to all the bullshit with COVID I couldn't get treated until now And in a month's time I should be able to have proper sexual experience with her so my plan is to break with her break up with her in a few months time by which point i should have enough shagging ability to live the single life but is this a cunty move i can't really think of another option other than telling girls i'm a virgin which is a bit embarrassing

as i'm 19 and at uni what are your thoughts on this i don't want to than telling girls i'm a virgin which is a bit embarrassing as i'm 19 and at uni what are your thoughts on this i don't want to hurt this girls i'm very grateful that she stayed with me despite my condition keep up the good work i'm going to leave that anonymous what part of hair has he been putting his dick in yeah because he hasn't lost his virginity no unless he's been in in a pussy He's still a fucking virgin A virgin? A virgin He's still a virgin Oh that must be hard

So how This is what happened to me He needs a cock reduction No he needs a foreskin Increasing Yeah That's not really possible though You can't just make foreskin

Can you not? No You know just give it a little bit Of an elastic bit No Increasing. Yeah. That's not really possible, though. You can't just make foreskin. Can you not? No. You can't just give it a little bit of an elastic band. Don't they just... Why don't they just... Why don't they just get circumcised? Costa Rica. Costa Rica cock?

From before. So, let's break this down. How have they lost their V-plates together, then? They that they haven't she hasn't he doesn't know what sex is that's that's a bad start he's been shagging her elbow for months do not put it in other women's elbows so everyone's as kinky as this bitch he can't yeah so sex is extremely painful so they've done they've done bits but he probably had sex he just said sex is painful. Right. So they've had sex. He's just probably ate it.

Oh, that was probably hard work, wasn't it? With her going, ow, ow, and him going, ow, ow, ow. Yeah. Yeah. That sounds not fun. Because his dick's too big for his dick. Yeah. So I imagine for a virgin, it's a fucking problem. No, you never know.

It's just a lot of yelping. You could just have a really tight foreskin. What, a small dick? Yeah. Oh, just have a really tight foreskin what a small dick yeah oh that's a bad win isn't it that's not good like a banana do you know what I mean

you know that little plastic bit on a pepperami imagine if you couldn't get that off imagine yeah tastes weird you wouldn't be a virgin

so he can't be doing this he's about to get the op and in a couple of months he's't be a virgin so he can't be doing this he's about to get the op and in a couple of months he's going to be like he's like having the off season he's had an injury he's going to get

he's going to get back in you know he's been match fit by the start of the season and he's thinking of staying with this girl who he's painfully lost his V plates to

and just sort of getting he's trying to do pre-season friendlies with her, and then sign for a bigger club in August. That's not good, is it? He's doing like an Asian tour. Yeah, she's a few friendlies in Austria. Not good, is it? He'll win a cup, but it won't be any good.

No one's asked. No. Yeah, you need to just tell her you're not into it anymore. Gibbit. Or tell her the truth and go, Look, I'm seeing a brighter future for me over there. You've got a three-month audition. Wow.

You're going to put her on a temporary contract. Yeah. Get her on loan. Women love that when you've been together for a while. Well, if she doesn't love it, then it's over, innit? You're just giving her the opportunity. You can leave on a Bosman. Yeah.

Your contract's up in three months. So many footballers. Do you want to play your way into a new contract? Get on this. Yeah. Or you can to play your way into a new contract? Get on this. Yeah. Or you can go now. Go on. In my experience,

girls who've been with you for six months in a serious relationship are not going to love, like, well, listen, love, we're downgrading you to a three-month

fucking low-knee status. That's not going to go down well, is it? She's got to go then if she's not happy with it. But at least he's being nice and giving her the option no no no you've made up a situation where he's being nice he's planning to be pretty dreadful yeah that's what i'm saying like this would be dreadful don't do the dreadful thing do my thing be a hero buyback clause tell it in a

year he might want her back again when he's done the banging by the way if you have 15 20 shags in the next two weeks before you dump her you're not going to be like well i started shit but now i'm a fucking legend you're still going to be 19 and not great at sex don't worry about it mate unless you're a natural yeah if you're a natural you'll be a natural anyway yeah it just don't fuck over some poor girl who's been nice about your sore dick. Yeah. Just let it go. Be like, I'm not feeling it. You'll be fine.

And your dick's too big for your dick, so it's kind of exciting. When that thing's freed, oh my God. Could be amazing, couldn't it? It could be. It won't be. Second year at uni. Smashing them puss, mate. Yeah, but it's a broken dick.

No, but it's coming back, innit? No, but it's never had it. You can't play on broken dicks. You can't feel anything that your cock don't want to feel.

Put it in her ass and come. Is this from the jazz night? I just made that up. You're good. But I knew it. You should have got up on the jazz night. Got some special guests here tonight. Adam fucking Rowe. Give me any song.

Any song in the world ever. We play this all the time. We do? I'm experienced. Dancing in the moonlight. Any song in the world world apart from Top Loader Yellow by Coldplay I know what's going through my eyes

look how I shite for you look at all of this poo it is all yellow that was good that was a really good thing look at my ass

Gawit shagged for you very good everywhere like Fleetwood Mac I wanna come everywhere I wanna come on your shirt We will rock you by Queen We will, we will Fuck you, gonna fuck you in the asshole

What? That's the Bachan singer by the name? We will yeah we will we will rock you gonna fuck you in the asshole we will

he's doing the Bachan bits as well weird B-side bitch you're a whore get down on your knees and take my dick right in your face I'll come on

your tits slap you in the face I'll make you feel like a piece of shit like you would really wish your dad would got daddy issues where do you sing in these

when are these getting whipped tuesday night retard night fuck you fuck you Adam Rosen's been really good really revered oh here he is now in the arsehole should put Godfrey on should I have one more break

yeah man wag wag lads we've got to tell you about one of our sponsors NordVPN they're offering our listeners our fans a two-year deal plus one month for just 89 which is about 65 quid that's 70 off the usual

price and works out at two pounds 60 a month what adam what is a vpn what's nord a vpn is basically a way to lie to your computer or your laptop and say hey i'm not in fucking liverpool me mate now i'm in syria i'm in the antarctic i'm in brussels i'm in mexico wherever you feel like being where do you want to be where do you want to be online you can tell a vpn put me there and it will give you access to that country's version of the internet and you might not think that's any different but you're full of shit susan okay If you're in America, you get access to American Netflix. Syrian Netflix, Susan! Have you not watched Syrian Netflix?

It's wicked! It's honestly the best thing I pay for at VPN. Being able to decide what country you want to be in and what you want access to, it's especially great, as we've said before for the Premier League for us to get all the three o'clock kickoffs

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nordvpn.com slash have a word custom code have a word that's nordvpn.com slash have a word custom code have a word go ahead susan you're fucking slag forgot the fucking best thing to tell you the weirdest thing i have loved adam's new york city jackanory it's been great so went to do flagrant 2 on monday monday monday and afterwards sam came with me for the record and she just sat in the other room while we recorded it and then i said we could go anywhere she wanted to eat for dinner because she came to work with me essentially uh she wanted italian so we asked all the schultz's boys and schultz like where we should go schultz was trying to get us into somewhere fucking hey you gotta

know someone who'll knock on the fucking door for you you know what like he wants to get us like that but i was like what do you want and he was gonna source it as well but i was like she wants something now so i forget the name right i will find it and we'll put it in here I'll find it when we stop recording a minute remind me we decided to go

to this place right because we were going to go to there's a dive bar called Skinny Dennis which is a country music dive bar

and they do alcoholic coffees like frozen coffees they were amazing and on the way there we went to the Italian food. So we go to this little Italian restaurant in Brooklyn, right?

Because Valor Films, who does all of the film work for Schultz, was like, this is the place to go to. It's great. You should go here. So we walk in, checks vaccinations and ID, and come to take our order.

And then the waiter brought over a starter we hadn't ordered. And he's like, this is just something a little extra from the kitchen. This is Russian-Italian, was he? He's Croatian. All right. Nice. So he goes... Fuck me.

He goes, so they have the squid you have this the the prawns and uh a burrata and it was just lovely right and uh as he put it down he said something i thought he'd said sorry i should say i thought he'd said this is for making me laugh at three o'clock in the morning right right so he walks away and i went to sam did you say thanks for making me laugh at three o'clock in the morning and sam went no don't be fucking stupid i was like maybe he was at the show the other night the comedy seller or something she was like whatever he didn't say that just eat the thing we're the only people in here he's just being nice because companies want business I was like right cool

so then we ordered our main it's all amazing brings the dessert menu and we were like we're probably not going to have a dessert to be honest with you Sam will have a look at it because she's got a sweet tooth

and then we decided not to order it but we ordered two espressos because we wanted to wake ourselves up because we were going out he brings over the two espressos because we wanted to wake ourselves up because we were going out. He brings over the two espressos, two grappas, which is like an Italian alcohol thing. It's not particularly tasty.

Oh, it was lovely. Oh, really? Every time I've had grappa, it's just harsh. And a huge dessert that we just hadn't ordered. And he goes, I just want you to keep putting out

the content you put out. And I went, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you talking about, mate? I went, what do you mean the content? And he goes, you are a comedian, right? I'm always watching everything you do. You do the thing with the bald guy.

You fuck off. And who is the red-haired guy? Paul Smith, right? Whoa. So I went, no, no, no. And he goes, did the police really go to the comedy club? who is the red hair guy? Paul Smith. Right? What? So I went, no, no, no. And he goes, did the police really go to the comedy club to shut it down

when there was nobody in there? Oh my God, the internet. So I went, this is fucking, Sam's head completely fell off. Right? So I was like,

are you fucking serious? He's like, I sit there three o'clock in the morning, four o'clock in the morning. I just watch your videos, your videos, your videos. I found Paul first and i found you and i love it you're too for comedy for me you are comedy for me that's all i watch shout out his name was ivan i was gonna go full surname as well but his name was ivan he was so sound uh he gave us both a shot

on the way out as well because he found out it was me birthday the next day Sam threw up in the streets in Brooklyn that was cute and I invited him to Gotham the next night

I was like mate because he sorted all that out for us we only paid for what we ordered and not even all of that yeah and I was like yeah I'm in town I'm doing a set and he's like oh my god

I'm going to try and get off work so I arranged his tickets for him. And he came to the show with his missus. Oh, quality. Yeah, but that was weird for me. And the massive coincidence that the one restaurant we chose to go into, he's there and that happens.

Can you imagine how much his head fell off? Because what he said to me, he's like, when you walked in, he's like, I have a good memory for faces. So I see your face and I was like, I know this guy. I know him very well. Maybe I've had a fight with him recently

in a bar. I know him. Who's this guy? I like his content or I've punched his big fucking face. And he's like, is this the British comedian guy I like? It can't be.

And then I see your ID and I was like, okay, okay. I was like, Justin Bieber f your ID and I was like, okay, okay. I was like, Justin Bieber fangirl. I was like, no, no, no. You stay calm, stay calm. What the fuck? Yeah.

So his head truly fell off. Yeah. Because to me, that happens, what? Every now and then in some cities in the UK, a lot in Liverpool, and very, very rarely if I'm not in this country and I can sort of be like wow that's mad

the internet's crazy we know we've got fans in America from our stuff and you can sort of get your head around it but for him, he's working in a very small Italian restaurant in Williamsburg Brooklyn on a Monday afternoon at 5pm in a very small Italian restaurant in Williamsburg, Brooklyn

on a Monday afternoon at 5pm and in walks the guy he was watching the night before at 3 o'clock in the morning. Are you Adam Roth from Heaven Word? That's insane. Oh, that's awesome.

Shout out. Is he a Patreon? Sort it out, Ivan. I don't think he's a podcast guy. I think he's a stand-up guy. Oh, okay. But he's seen me clips of this. Oh, right. Yeah, okay.

Sick. We never think about the reach. I know it's come up occasionally, but we always go on the public episode gets this many views, and I sort of trade on that in my head, but like we've said before, the clips are going out to so many more people. And also, he told the two women who Schultz got to leave,

he told them to shut the fuck up at one point, which is great. He was sat right next to Sam, and they were talking, and he goes, well, you guys shut the fuck up. I'm trying to watch the fucking show. Did they listen? Yeah, of course they did. You listen to a Croatian man who says that. Let them just shut the fuck up.

He was so sound, and his missus was sound as well nice in theory we're going to have more followers from the states so if you've picked up Have A Word from watching Rowey Bags on Are You Garbage or Flagrant 2 fucking welcome

go and watch the Jamie Hutchinson episode go and watch the Ashan Akbar episode Sean Walsh Thomas Green, Finn Taylor who are your favourites Go and watch the Jamie Hutchinson episode. Go and watch the Ashan Akbar episode. Sean Walsh. Yeah. Thomas Green. Finn Taylor. Yeah. Yeah.

Who are your favourites? Thomas Green is... We've slowly forgotten how good that episode was. No. No, that... Yeah, I know what you mean. That was one of the most... That was the one that I think people passed around. Carl Donnelly.

That's a recent classic. It was a really, really good one. Just go and watch them all. Just binge them. There's a couple you can miss, but hey. I had a pretty fucking good hit rate. What ones? Someone, it's funny. It's funny with the Patreons.

Little game now. Everyone's worked out that if they message the Patreon, they know they're talking to me. So I get very few messages. No, we won't. How's your reading? How's that book coming on? I took it with me.

It's not me back? Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. Is it Adam Raw? The Ian Gladwell fan fuck you so people

just a message in me and like a game has become can I guess who was a bit shit just it's funny I literally had last night the night before checking the Patriot and mate you know who you are and you were fucking spot on.

He did my tits in. So sign up to Patreon. And find out. Everyone's got a name in the lead. Do you know what I want to do? Yeah. Oh no. Oh.

This, no, that's the obvious one that everyone's been doing for ages. Oh, the other one. This was a well, this is much more astute.

I know what you mean. They're gone. Did he fucking piss you off, Dan? And I'm like, yes, a little. Genuinely, I loved 98% of the people we've had on that couch. It's been fucking brilliant. It's just occasional,

though you're like, yeah, it's fine. Let's do a quick questions round. I want to speed this up. Okay. Because we're in on our own. I want to speed this up. Okay. Because we're in on our own. I've got some good ones. I am listening.

Oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rachel Patterson says, Wag Wag Lids, if you could have any other career outside of being famous, what would you do? A mundane, regular job. Tesco, warehouse, sawmill,

factory, admin, dentist, doctor. What would you do? Loving the podcast. As always, keep up the good work. Maybe this year will be the year you hit a hundred thousand patreons rachel i would love a bit of that cocaine that you just sniffed before you emailed so it's a question we've had way back in the day but the pod's taken away you can't do stand-up anymore you've just got to get a job uh don't say amazon driver because we had an email of a go could you have a word with adam he always uses amazon delivery drivers a bad thing

and you know i don't mind pissing in bottles i don't mind 14 hour shifts and no human rights i like cars from from from hostman hostman pat jeffrey bezell um i would like to be a lawyer as we said what are you laughing at you would be horrendous to be like whoa i want no input from you for a second i know i mean good you'd be good but like not as good as you think you would be why why this no no why where's your evidence Not as good as you think you would be. Why? Why? This. No, no, no. Why? Where's your evidence?

Do you think I'd be a good lawyer? Do you know what the job is? Yeah. Yeah. I'd be the guy, the guy though. Barrister. I'm going to America.

Are you the feminine? Chicago law. Do you remember that from a lockdown episode? Chicago law. Yeah, yeah. I want to be a Chicago lawyer. I don't want to be doing all the research and stuff give me don't like the musical just like the fucking courts yeah i don't i'm not reading up on the shit just give me the info i will go

to the courtroom and i will win that i'll get i will win that argument you're right okay prosecution so defense defense yeah that's where the money is. Yeah, yeah, it is. Yeah, the murderers. Yeah. Allegedly. Oh! He's on! He's on! Already fucking...

Objection! This guy... Objection. Can you not refer to my client as a murderer, please? As he has not yet been convicted. You prick. Your honour. Ben says, Wag wag lids. Would you rather... Your honour. Ben says,

Wag Wag Lids, would you rather... That's a good question, there. More meat on that, you know. Alright, okay. I thought we were doing a speed round. No, we could do both, but when there's a meaty one, let's have a bite. Let's have a scran of it, lad. Are you gonna be you, mate? Let's suck that haemoglobin out

and spit it in the face of a fucking prosecution. Do you know, I've loved... Finn's working here anyway, Finn. What would you be? I reckon you could be a really good dancer. Classical. Where? Where? The Royal Ballet. I reckon you could be a really good dancer classical where? the Royal Ballet

that would be a weird move late in life wouldn't it you've heard about Dan Nightingale from Preston you do look like him would you rather be in the Royal Ballet or would you rather be a scummy piece of shit Amazon driver you just look like Louis Spence

can I just say, to all the Amazon drivers that dream of being dancers, I like the massage, the masseuse, the sports massage that I've been getting. Masseur. It's just a very relaxed atmosphere. You just want to feel men.

No, I'm now realising that I'm seeing it from my side where I get to lie down and have an attractive Czech lady touch me I would like to be a female chest massager I'm going to invent

a new type of massage just what what in case your tits are a bit who's going to this so yeah talk me through

your clients your patients what are they suffering from that is going to help with a row of bags So, yeah. Talk me through your clients, your patients. What are they suffering from that is going to help with a rowey bag's tip massage? Their tits are too sore because they're too big. They're too big. So you're going to manipulate them to be what? I'm going to soothe them.

Right. They're a pseudocam. Do you give happy endings? They're a pseudocam. Yeah. Oh, dear. She's a small girl, isn't she? No.

The funny's not that far from the tits. You're misremembering. Misremembering? That was such a good dick. I bet. Hang on, let me just do it. 2015. remembering that was such a good dick 2015 yeah I just I've just in my head gone

put a nice little bit of music on get a little bit of oil out and then some big fat dirty cunt's gonna come in and I'm gonna be like oh my god would it be that bad yeah when he started going... Pastry chef.

Anything's about that up or is that just popped in? I like pastries. Right. Not another type of chef, just pastry. They all seem angry, don't they? Like the chef chefs. None of them seem happy that goes way

I think with your temperament chef might be a problem because you know when they kick off in a kitchen and there's knives around I think if you lost your temper

or someone lost their temper with you and there's a big fucking knife and a chopping board I think you could end up like in a knife fight on the afternoon shift

a head chef needs to be a gobshite. Otherwise, they can't be a head chef. You will never find a nice head chef because they're not good at the job. Every chef I ever worked with was angry. Yeah. Great at the job, but a gobshite. Would you then want to go into that world? Because this isn't a dead high-pressure job or anything,

but if we're playing this game, I want something a bit more peaceful and serene. Yeah, but that's why I said pastry chef. Because they're just making, you know, pastry. They're making flapjacks and pans of chocolate. I want to be a pastry chef. What, are you going to make flapjacks? Where's the pastry? It's not pastry. I want a flapjack be a pastry chef. What are you going to make? Flapjacks? Where's the pastry?

It's not pastry. I want a flapjack and a pastry. No, you know what? Adam's pastry beast flapjack. A baker. Yeah. Yeah. A baker slash pastry chef. Slash lawyer.

Slash criminal. Why would that be a criminal? I could see you just money laundering straight away. How many flapjacks you want, love? Hey, you're already on to me. You'd be a good detective. I'd be my own lawyer. I'd put it to you, your honour,

that that bakery is fucking real and that my property in Florida is legit. Starting to think something not with members of the public. I think take them out. That'd be good. I don't want customers. Sniper. I don't have to do...

People are such unholy cunts when they're like, I am the customer. I don't want to be that. I don't want to be touching that. You'd make a great civil servant. Just in the office. I really fucking hate you sometimes.

You're such a dick. Ben, wag wag lids. Would you rather... Would you rather... A, be a police community support officer... Nope. ...plastic busy on the streets of Liverpool, or B, work as a carer in an end-of-life hospice?

End-of-life hospice? You get to know all the old bitches and then they give you some money? All right. You just weigh them your way into the will. If they want. Oh, love love I'd like a happy ending you're telling me you work in a hospice and little Ethel

is like I want one last cum and you're not going to help it out it was so oh it's one of those headphones moments where I wish I wasn't wearing them if she asks really nicely do you want me to role play her right I'm Ethel Oh, it's one of those headphones moments where I wish I wasn't wearing them. If she asks really nicely.

Do you want me to be the role player? Right, I'm Ethel. All right there, girl. You're you. Mother Teresa. Oh, I thought I was you. No. You're you.

No, because you're the one fingering nannies to completion. Yeah, no, exactly. You're saying you wouldn't do it. So I'm trying to convince you to do it alright Ethel you're Ethel put your biff away love you know me Ethel last time I came in you didn't have pants on we're not at the bus stop now

things have changed ok it's away Ethel stop doing your oval impression I wish I could die go up to the sky but i can't i hate that god ethel are you on helium no it's my real voice come on i'm coming in hi ethel you're all right love yeah they've said I'm going to be gone today

My last I've got six hours to live Right Just from being old Yeah They get very specific Don't they? You're not ill in any way

You've just been given Six hours to live No it's the new government Mandated old person murder Oh right When you're becoming More of a burden These fucking Tories eh?

Yeah She's quite eloquent though Yeah Yeah I'm sorry she wants to get murdered she's also got weird

conspiracy theorist Alzheimer's Ethel Love you've only got six hours to live I said I got one last wish it's like

make a wish okay make a splash do you know it'd be actually worse if she just dropped into your voice I'd like a wish you fucking it'd be actually worse if she just dropped into your voice I'd like a wish

you fucking knob touch my granny Biff yes that's what they say is that true yeah well you know here at Caring Hands yeah

I really wish I'd not licked my lips just at that exact point we just try and do all we can to make you comfortable obviously because you've not

got any family because they killed themselves because they had to listen to your fucking horrible voice I only want the first syllable of comfortable oh come words very eloquent

again yeah this job in care is equally annoying as podcasting how can I make you comfortable there for fluff your pillows do you want to watch the weakest link what can I what can I

why don't I go and get you your favorite you know pudding or something some nice tiramisu? I've got a pudding for you. What do you mean, Ethel? I want you to finger blast me. I'm a squirter.

Still? Drink me. That may give me a twitch. What are you doing for me? Just one last time. I won't take long. Please. This situation is less awful than his voice.

Please. I can't, Ethel. I'll tell my son to look after you in the will. You'll get millions. You've got a son? Yes. You're willing to give... And he's going to be like,

oh yeah, cool, Gran, I'll give you millions of pounds. You will respect my wishes. Willie. Will you? he's going to be like, oh yeah, cool, gran, I'll give you, I'll give you millions of pounds. Yeah, I respect my wishes. Willie. Will you? He's going to respect, listen,

if I'm going to finger blast you, right here, I want to make sure I'm getting these millions. Your son. I want to transfer it right now. I'll do it as I finish. Oh, so you've got six hours to live

and you can do internet banking. Yes. Wow. You can work biometrics. Yeah. I think you might have longer to live. No.

I don't. Listen, Ethel, you're a wonderful, threatening, weird old woman. Oh, you absolute pussy. Right. Get out and find me someone who'll do it.

Right. Go on. Go on, ask your son. Scene. Adam, that was hard work. Ethel's gone nowhere worth ethel has gone nowhere she's got she's still there oh no she oh she is she haunts my every waking dream uh every waking dream my god my words today have been poor collie 94 ethel will you answer have been poor. Collie 94. Ethel, will you answer more questions? Yeah.

Right. Collie 94 says, question, if you got £500,000 for every second you stood in a big microwave, how long are you standing in there for? Oh. How much? £500?

£500,000. Oh, one second. For a second. One second. In a big microwave. You'd die in one second? No, I think you'd be alive after one second. You wouldn't die in one second? No, I think you'd be alive after one second.

You wouldn't die after one second? Yeah, you would. It's radioactive. It's not radioactive. What? It's just a big microwave. It's like,

it's big enough for you, but you're not going to go, one second. It doesn't work like that. Is the microwave on? It's been turned on. Yeah, you get one second in a big microwave

you would be dead I got told when I was a kid if you like the reason microwaves don't work with the door open is that if they did it'd melt your face off yeah

were you trying to lick the microwave or something what you know if you put a cat in the microwave yeah which people have done

haven't they I remember a story at Preston Uni where some students put a cat in a microwave and can put it on but a killer no i i think in 30 40 seconds you've got a very ill dying cat because it's in the middle it centers doesn't it like it the the heat is in the center you've got seconds it's not good for you, but you're not just going to fucking explode. I'm not risking it, mate. No.

What about Ethel? Now, I go in for a finger. I say, how's it going? You have already beat him. I'm a multi-millionaire. What do I need that money for? She's dead in six hours. Would you go a second and just... One second. The second, like, boot it all open. And I take half a mil.

Nice one. And I'd be like, what kind of fucking place is this? Pay off myop, boot the door open. And I take half a mil. Nice one. And I'd be like, what kind of fucking place is this? Yeah. Pay off my mortgage, future pancreatic cancer. Not a problem. No, I'm not doing that at all. Yeah, because you're scared of microwaves. Yeah.

Actually, I'm scared of microwaves. Talk me through what happens when you put something in your microwave. You put it in, close the door it on it explodes no because i think you've got a faulty microwave no it's not humans i'm putting in the microwave oh no god sorry no you're not sorry no you're not you're not putting humans in i thought you were putting humans in you know warm your humans up yeah yeahians. I cannot speak today. It's brutal. Pace the lid. I don't really use the microwave very often.

Pace, Marvin. But. Stuart. Stuart Pace. Sandwich Pitcher. Pace the lid. Yeah. I just wouldn't do it.

I'm scared of them. I'd love the oven. I'd get in the oven. It's pretty heated though. Oh. It's pretty heated though. It's dead out. You don't want to be in there. Would you? So fucking stupid.

Would you get in an oven? There's a gun in there and it's shooting. Would you get in a knife? Would you be dead for a second for a million pounds? We've done that for years. You just play the game where it's like, oh, you'll do this or not now. Yeah, you get in the oven but you be dead for a second for a million pounds? We've done that for years. You just play the game where it's like, oh, you'll do this, but not now. Yeah, you get in the oven, but you're dead instantly.

What if the oven rapes you to death? How long would you get raped to death for? 10 seconds. Good luck with that. Surely if you're getting raped to death. Yeah, but you want it to be quick. No, you want it to be dead long so that you're getting raped to death You want it to be quick No you want it to be dead long so that you're still alive As long as you're getting raped to death

You're still alive As soon as it's finished you've been raped to death So 75 years please Rape me to death 75 years That's what the tax system does. Fucking hell. I mean, I like a bit of bullshit,

but that got a bit fucking lefty. Sounded like Jeff Norcott. All right, lads, I'm a new patron. I'm very much enjoying the nonsense. Well, you will have enjoyed today. Would you rather have your face permanently frozen in your cum face or lose a foot that's from paul cum face no mine's not like i think mine's very you've never seen it how sex on a bed with a mirror on the ceiling yeah you were on top and then went that makes sexy art can you imagine

how fucking threatening that would be oh god are you gonna come babe yeah I'm gonna go just having a look you're a fucking jazz drummer

have you ever had sex in the mirror? yeah I have when I was younger and I didn't go oh god when I was younger I was like go on you fucking little mogul I thought I looked fucking great

Patrick Bateman did as well what? Patrick Bateman thought he looked great as well I'm sure he did plenty of other good things. One bad thing does not make a bad man. Makes a big man. Yeah. It's also fictional.

Or is it? One bad thing does not make a bad man. Yeah. Yeah. I think you want to work on that if you're a lawyer. I don't think that's how the judicial system looks at it. He's done a lot of charity work. Killed one eight-year-old.

Jimmy Favell. Yeah. I don't mind me coming face. It's just a wink. Even on your own. Yeah. A wink. Done. get on me alright Liz

this is from Tyler Nugent alright Liz got a quick would you rather would you rather find out that your son was doing an OnlyFans or your daughter

was doing OnlyFans this is from Tyler ok what's my son doing on the OnlyFans getting bummed no not necessarily could just be doing OnlyFans. It's from Tyler. Okay, what's my son doing on the OnlyFans? Getting bummed? No, not necessarily. Could just be doing, you know.

The bumming? Could just be like, wanking off and being like, oh, I'm so gay, I love it. By the time I have kids, I think this will be a lot less taboo than it already is. Because it's already a lot less taboo than it already is because it's already a lot less taboo than it was two years ago, isn't it? I think people getting their tits and ass all out for money

at bus stops or at home is... I would much rather your kid do that for fucking OnlyFans. Like, if Etta gets to 18 and she's like, Dad, I'm going to get an OnlyFans, I'm like, probably going to be, well, is there no other option? But it's definitely better than the local bus stop with her arsehole out.

Like, at least it makes sense on OnlyFans. Like, yeah. It's not what you want for your kids. I don't give a shit. I'm not trying to sound like a judgmental prick. It isn't really what you want for your kids I don't give a shit I'm not trying to sound like a judgmental prick it isn't really what you want for your kids

erm but I don't want to be a dad who's like how dare you disgusting like it's the fucking I hope things do change a bit so it's a bit more acceptable

I'd rather me son and daughter do it on their own than together that's a definite absolutely draw the line. Yeah. Only fans incest. Yeah.

A hundred percent. Yeah. Don't want that. I wouldn't be into that. Oh my God. I'd say no to that. Shane Gillis, Only Fans Dad sketch.

So funny. If you've not seen the Shane Gillis, is it Gillian Keeves, his sketch stuff that he did? Was that after he got booted off SNL? That's basically him going to Saturday Night Live. That's what you could have had. Doing sketches that are better than Saturday Night Live.

Yeah. And the only fan's dad, and he's on one of them, the dildo's on a mini bucking bronco and they vibrate. And he's there, like a classic dad in his work stuff, and he's loosened his tie after a long day at the office. And then the kid's walkingrate he's there like a classic dad in his work stuff and he's loosened his tie like after a long day at the office and then the kids walk in and he's like good kids get out and then there's just a constant from the laptop as the only fans is going like good this is how i pay for things yeah you want a nice holiday yeah oh brutal yeah it's well worth watching I don't want either of them

to be doing it but I don't think either of them would be any less good for me good words would you do it? OnlyFans? no would you go out with someone who did an OnlyFans? say

say for whatever reason like we are in a situation it's not sam it's not laura you're hypothetically down the line or in your past five years ago and you meet someone and everything's brilliant it's great you've been on the first two or three dates and she's like and she's like really she's paying for her own stuff at every point you're like oh cool she's like you're really good with your money she's like yeah but i do have something to tell you i do have a bit of a side hustle it's it's an only fans i would struggle with it but i think i could get past it as long as there was no one else involved in it

like it depends on what like different people do different things and only fans don't they some of them are just getting the minge out some of them got a minge out no one else involved in it. It depends on what... Different people do different things in OnlyFans, don't they? Some of them are just getting the minge out. Some of them have got a minge out with a big dick in it. I don't want the latter. That's the tagline. That's the advert. Have you seen the advert for OnlyFans? Loads of people doing different things.

You know? Minge out. Dick in minge. Ethel's old wrinkly puss puss. I wonder who the oldest OnlyFans is. I bet he's got loads of money. Or he.

It's probably not grandad fucking Derek, is it? You'd watch. Find out who the number one creator on OnlyFans is. The number one. Would you ever subscribe to one if you were single dragon I've thought about it

have you not really but like because I like amateur porn so there is something about that like it's more real isn't it the plasticky porn stars

does nothing for me Black China Black China who was going out with Rob Kardashian yes has got an OnlyFans. Yes. She has earned, apparently, $20 million.

Oh, sorry. Yeah, but what's that in pounds? She receives that monthly. Sorry. Sorry, what? She receives $20 million a month from the website. Oh, I would do that. Etta and Jack can both go on there. Fucking, let's do it. We'll film it at the bus stop

bus stop bumholes if Patreon and God bless Patreon and all of the gods of Patreon if it went bust and we were fucked would we move this to OnlyFans? Finn? no but you don't have to get your box out do you?

you're sat in an OnlyFans you're sat in OnlyFans in box out do you you're saturn and only fans you're saturn and only fans in case we go under you're the money tree the money cow but would that be the platform to move this to the patreon episodes and do what just what we do

just as a platform on only fans yeah right but you don't have to do any you just keep doing this? Yeah. Oh, sorry.

I thought you... I thought you were like, yeah, if comedy's not working out, it's just me and Adam doing the Babes Station thing. We just make our own. Do you want to talk to lonely middle-aged

bald comedians? Rowy Dans. Rownly Dans. Rownly Dans? Or the Chinese customers I rown it like that I saw your eyes light up like Go on Dan do it

I literally I actually saw you go Dan Dan I've timed a ball beautifully Just run on and hit it in Podcasting and comedy didn't work out right baby all right what are you doing what's your name ethel

my care worker wouldn't finger me i'm gonna have to do it myself minus 20 million you're you should have expired by now i thought that's a bit rude gushed death. I've paid my phone bill. You're going to talk to me whether you like it or not. Tell me what you'd do to me. Minus 20 million. Tell me what you'd do to me. A month.

Tell me what you'd do to me. Put a pillow over your fucking head. I've rang you here. Until you're not struggling anymore. I've rang you here. I know. This is the service I do. No.

It's a weird niche. Old women who want to imagine. No. You rang me. This is the service I do. It's a weird niche. Old women who want to imagine. No, no, no, no, no. No, this is you and me. This is what we offer. Yes, Ethel, you weird old cunt. No, no, no, no. Die, Ethel.

No. Die. Talk about my pussy. I don't want to. Go to Switzerland. End it. Your son wants it. I want it.

The people who live next door in the fucking old people's home are dying for you to go. The person who has to dry your fucking carpet. You dirty old squirter. No, no, no, no, no. You're all going to talk about fucking me, and that's that. Don't boo me. And that's all the questions.

Thanks for asking them. I want to stop. It's late, innit? Should we stop? We don't have to do a have a word, do we? No. It's our podcast, everyone. I think, I don't know. I feel Ethel demanding to have a pussy talked about.

I just don't know where you're going from there. Could you have a word with me, Dad? No. Ladies and gentlemen, it's a pleasure to be back. I did two podcasts while I was in America, Flagrant 2 and Are You Garbage? They're both on YouTube. They're both very, very good,

and I would appreciate you both going to watch them because you will enjoy them. They were great. It's not like we had two fans. I appreciate you both going to watch them because you will enjoy them they were great it's not like we had two fans i appreciate you both going to watch them all two of you and leave a comment saying that i was the one who sent you there just say like i'm here for adam or whatever because if these podcasts know that me and dan are getting there more listeners we'll get invited on more of them all right also'm on tour adamroddocker.uk forward slash shows yeah and I'm on tour as well

the tickets have just reached another milestone which is amazing dan9girl.com 11 now I've sold tickets to both of our fans

we have added Belfast and Dublin and Nantwich I mean does it get much bigger than that the capitals

of Ireland and a place near Crewe. So, go and have a little look. The tickets are selling great. Appreciate you guys. It's fucking amazing to have you back, Rowy Bags. It was really good having Barry on. Ishan was great, but it's not the same without the King Lid. Patreon.com

slash have a word pod for the lock-in. The lock-in is unbelievable. And all the back catalogue. Enjoy it. Go fuck yourselves. See you next week.