Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #165 with Molly McCann - Have A Word w/Adam & Dan

Episode Date: March 28, 2022

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Cha! Upset me, nasty bitch! Disgusting! Wag wag leads, you're listening to the funniest podcast in the game with Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn. Shut up, Finn. You good-looking, big-fingered Welsh weirdo.

This is the one and only, the now infamous, the soon-to-be legendary. Have a word. Go, Ed. Get on me. Hey! Hi, guys. You all right? Episode 3,451. Fucking feels like it, lad. It does, doesn't it?

Fucking sick of the sight of you guys. How are you, Carl? Is everything all right? Yeah, we're going boozing later. Oh,451. Fucking feels like it, lad. It does, doesn't it? Fucking sick of the sight of you guys. How are you, Carl? Is everything all right? Yeah, we're going boozing later. Oh, nice one. In the sun. It's quite early in the year for the sun to be out, isn't it? Because it's only the 23rd of March.

It usually comes out at 6am. Genuinely, I feel like this little early spring, the beer weather call you you did yesterday after the we recorded the patreon yesterday and you were like lads it's beer fucking garden weather and like i feel that's early this year yeah it is but you've got in this country dan what i always say is you've got to get it while you can i'm so i'm sick of hearing you say it old adam you've got to get it while you can row name of year 2023 often in july you'd expect it to be sunny but it does rain sometimes sometimes it's cold oh it's a letdown today it's warm and sunny so we're gonna go for mexicans mexicans we're going for mexicans we're going mexicans will be cooking it, though, probably. I don't think they will. I very much doubt they will.

Where are we going? Madre. We're going Madre. I reckon a Scouse chef who sort of fancies his chances at making a decent taco is the guy. Or a Spanish guy

that serves some prison time. Yeah. You know. Carl's dad. Or Italian. Feasible. He could be a convicted murderer. As he just puts the taco

Onto the plate On the hot plate He looks through it And he sees someone And he's like Okay And it's your dad What?

I thought he was a Scouser He goes okay No he's Spanish Oh Okay And I go what does that mean? Okay And he just knows in his heart

That you're his son And what do I do? You go Ay papi Ay papi. I papi. Is that a song? I can't wait.

I can't wait. You get to go boozing all the time. This is like fucking day release. I haven't drank for days. From an asylum. I haven't drank for day. Actually, I had gin yesterday.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm excited though. I'm really, really, really excited. I like it when you, when you take us out in Liverpool, it's fun really really excited I like it when you when you take us out in Liverpool

it's fun yeah I like it because you two are dead proud of it and it's nice and you know everywhere and it's cool

after the food today we'll go some a couple of cool places I found I found something Revolution oh no way can we go to

like an Irish bar like O'Neill's? Because it's so authentic and Irish, isn't it? What's a Pogues? Pogues is actually a really, really good Irish pub. Well, I was just taking the piss because O'Neill's is a chain. Yeah, but there's a good one.

I subverted it. We flipped it on its head. You tried to come with Banton and we came with pure, unadulterated facts. Get it while you can. You've got to. Adam Rowe four minutes ago

one before I'm very excited boys so if you're having a booze this week in the sun enjoy stay safe though yeah

I put SPF on my fat white neck have you? yeah that's when Laura clocked what was going on because I said yesterday oh we're going to go out

for a bite to eat and a couple of drinks after the pod yesterday. And I don't think she was concentrated. She was like, Oh yeah, great. And then as she watched me put SPF on my neck before I went out to do a podcast,

she was like, you look smart. Where are you going? I was like, I'll be back later. And you can let you literally, you can go to VA. I'm on side. I told you where I was going. I didn't tell you. I was, you can go to VAR and go, look, I showed you. I'm on side. I'm on side.

Said it. I told you where I was going. I didn't tell you I was, you know, getting absolutely blitzed and not coming back until the next day. I didn't reveal all the details. But you didn't ask to see that part. No. Remember, in the sun, be careful of large bodies of water.

I said this last year. Just reiterating. Oh, yeah. When he had COVID, you got obsessed with people drowning in quarries. Not quarries, what do I mean? Yeah, yeah. If you can drown in a quarry, you're doing some fucking... It's quite impressive.

Like an old quarry. Flooding quarries. Yeah. How do they flood them? Is it just rainwater that collects? I know I sound... No, no, no. But is that true?

I'm guessing they just fill it With what? Spare water? I suppose Oh, they fill it up like a paddling pool Yeah It takes six years You're like, oh, fuck

We've got all this extra water Imagine if you did that with the Grand Canyon No, that would become the world's best water park Like, overnight That's a quick thing to fill it Wouldn't it just become a lake? No Put slides in it

Ah, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Water park. You've been to the Grand Canyon. This is why I'm better than you at this, isn't it? I haven't been to the Grand Canyon of you. No, I've got mates who did Vegas. You've been to Carl's Mars Posse. That's what I call a Grand Canyon.

Water park. Slides. Yeah. Words. I've got mates who. Water park. Slides. Words. I've got mates who've done LA, Las Vegas, and they did the Grand Canyon as part of that. They hired a Cadillac. One of them holidays where you're like,

oh, I'm glad I didn't get that invite, cunts. It's kind of fucking amazing. Would you hire a car later? A Mustang? I think, is it a bit American hack? To like, we're going to hack to like we're going to america and we're going to buy thelma and louise no but i think it's i think it'd be good fun we're gonna buy thelma and louise on dvd we're going to america we're going to rent a 90s classic

it's actually an 80s classic so shove that up your fucking asshole well i don't remember i'm coming straight fax i don't remember the 18s. Straight, unadulterated fax. No, because there's loads of road movies, isn't there, in the States? I mean, there's not loads of road movies in the UK. No. Because, you know, you can do most of the country

in an afternoon. It's not as good a road movie, is it? Would you like to do an American road trip? Yes. Like Route 66? I don't really know what Route 66 is. 66 route. Nailed that.

Thank you. Unadulterated. Facts. Every day. It takes you right across the country, I believe. It takes you from the East Coast to the West Coast. New York to LA. Yeah.

Can we get Route 66 up, please? Yeah. Can you put the telly on, please? Google Maps, please. Let's have a little look. It's still not on. It's still not on. I think Route 66 might be a bit hack. I'll go Route 54.

Yeah, I think that's just like a ring road around Tennessee. Someone's vibrating. Are you vibrating? So it is, where does it start? Oh, it ends in LA. There you go. And it starts in Chicago. Originally, I think they've changed it now.

Okay. Oh, no, they've not. I don't think they have. I'm sure Vegas is involved in it. Yeah, it goes straight through Vegas. Right, yeah. So you can do the full whip. So it goes Chicago, Illinois through Missouri,

Kansas, Oklahoma, go and see Harry Robinson, The Goat, Texas, go and see Jilly Bean, although I don't think it's on Route 66. New Mexico, go and see Harry Robinson the goat Texas go and see Jilly Bean although I don't think it's on route 66 New Mexico go and see the fella who's cooking

ass grandlings what's what's New Mexico Albuquerque breaking bad isn't it New Mexico and then Arizona where my uncle lives

and Santa Monica in Los Angeles which is posh apparently Cali nice yeah yeah I mean I don't do that how long do you do that and Santa Monica in Los Angeles, which is posh, apparently. Cool. Nice.

Yeah, I mean, I don't do that. How long do you do that? Is it like two weeks? Do it in a week? Two and a half thousand miles. Depends whether you stop. I'd say a month and then stop. Like three or four days. You can do that in a couple of weeks.

No, but you want to stay in Vegas for a bit and you want to stay in Texas for a bit. All right, cool. Two and a half thousand miles. So that's only like what? Going to stay in second. All right, cool. 2,000, 2,500 miles. So that's only like what? Going to London 10 times. That's an interesting way of looking at it. Yeah, I suppose so.

So that's 10 days. No, but you're not doing it just to get there, are you? When you're doing a big journey like that, the best thing to do is try and power through and get most of it done. Right, cool. You'd be the most annoying person to do Route 66 with. No, lads, we're not stopping

in fucking Missouri. We'll be in Oklahoma in no time. Four hours sleep, Vegas, look at the lights, we're home in Santa Monica

for three weeks for no reason. Nailed it. Right, can you do US Route 54 because I'm a bit more alternative me

and Route 54, please. US Route 54, please. US, Route 54. This is a good one. Oh. El Paso, Texas to Griggsville. Oh, my God.

Come on. Like all the old songs. I'm going from old El Paso to Griggsville, Illinois. Oh, Griggsville, Illinois. Get the Union Pacific. There's a good past here Everybody often know though Simpsons quote Yes

Thank you Is that the mad cat woman Yeah yeah yeah Fucking brilliant Griggsville Illinois Hands up if you've ever Even heard of it 12

Route 12 Yeah Get your kicks On route 12 Makes sound like That looks sick Aberdeen's a long one Aberdeen to Michigan

I mean, sorry, Washington to Michigan Oh my god, that is such a long drive to go to the Rust Belt Route 69 Come on Let's see if it's sexy Let's see if you get turned on Oh, it's like an erection It's like a big pussy line

You see a line Like that's like a big pussy line. You see a line like that and you think pussy line. You think dick. Yeah, I do. It's only 450 miles. It's in the same state. Texas to Texas. What is it?

Minnesota to Port Arthur. Oh, my road is in Texas. Did you just say it's state to state? And then you went Minnesota. No, Texas to Texas. It's from, did you just say it's state to say? And then you went Minnesota. No, Texas to Texas. Port Arthur it said. Yeah, but it said Minnesota. Oh, did it? I didn't read that.

Sorry, I'm not reading. Route 24 looks like Queens Drive. Pontiac to Kansas. Oh, Pontiac, Michigan. We've got to do this one day, haven't we? I think we've got to do some sort of American road trip patreon special i think we have to do a out of the hat route number oh my god pull it out and whatever that

number is we do the route but what if it's like route 38 and it's just a fucking roundabout i want to go to griggsville illinois i want to try and do a live show in griggsville illinois with them like what are you even here for you know that is a alabama to alabama no california i don't know do you know how to read carl how you doing with reading but i think that if but we've got to do it i think it's a shit route in it i think it's got to be a race. My dream Patreon special like this would be, like, let's say we've got a lot of Patreons at this stage. Let's say we've got like 30, 40, 50,000. All we do now is on every episode,

guess how many Patreons we're going to get and salivate. No, but we need the budget, don't we? Yeah, we do. So I think if you had like, let's say we had five or 10 grand each and we've got to get a car, get our fuel and get our food and drink with that money. And you can't use any of your own money.

It's just that. Right. So I think you take... I'll be sucking dick by Missouri. That's the problem, isn't it? If you overspend in Illinois, you're going to have problems by Oklahoma. I'll be asking to borrow money off Harry Robinson

in Oklahoma, who is a student. Yeah, but you can do that because it's not your money right cool you can earn money and spend that you can rob people as well yeah oh you can rob people take a gun and stick oh that's part of the game gas station i think there might be rules about that on patreon that would not be fucking great if me and you raced across america yeah and if the police catch us they're like shoot what should we do in here like he's filming I feel like my Thelma and Louise comment was absolutely valid because Adam has, in a roundabout way, got to the plot of Thelma and Louise. I want to do Thelma and Louise crossed with Top Gear.

Cool. How famous is Will Hutchby at this point? Is the police known by his full name? What is Will Hutchby doing here? He's done some his full name. What is Will Hutchby doing here? He's done some excellent videography. Yeah, I'm all for it. I mean, it's not just now. You know, because my wife got slightly pissed off

that we were going for Mexicans and I was putting on SPF before I went for a few hours drinking in Liverpool. If I'm like, babe, we're doing Route 54. We're going to Griggsville. Shut up. She's just going to have to get on board with it.

Laura, if you listen, calm down. We're going to America and there's nothing you can do about it. She'd appreciate it. It is, legally.

It's called divorce, isn't it? No, because you have to agree to divorce. Oh, do I? Yeah. Right.

You can't just divorce someone. You have to agree to it. You can just say no. I'm going to America. I'll be back. Is that how works on tuesday i've met you have to sign both of you have to sign just that little jab at the end you're single you're single you say adam i don't know how that happened you both have to sign i'm going to america on tuesday i'll be tea ready babe i'm at Heathrow I'll be back in three hours don't even start the tea yet

start it in two and a half hours alright erm yeah hasn't anyone got a no one's got a any legal stuff have they

what we can't get into America convictions I've got that has no one got convictions I've got one have you got a conviction I'm conviction free

I am yeah I've had three points on my license I've got an ongoing case but I don't think I'm going to get convicted shut up what is this you talk of

you know what this is go on what's the ongoing I was involved in a gangbang what an illegal one no illegal one but the, a legal one. But the person who's Airbnb we were using

saying they were finding cum all over the fucking flat for Dave. Is this Paul Smith's stag do? Please! More cum! Write it down! Rob Thomas knows how to organise a fucking stag do, doesn't he? Backwards. That's gangbang time.

It's on the itinerary. So you were involved in a gangbang? I was involved in a group sex day. What's the court case? The AAMV people are saying... It's not the person who was in the gangbang, like, I never really agreed to that. That's a different court.

It was her idea. It was their idea. There was six women and 45 men six women and 45 men what's the maths there what's the maths

how big's the locker what the changing rooms must be fucking massive you come dressed like when you wear your thingies to the swimming pool

did you do it at David Lloyd's what no we did it at Croche Hall you hide out at Village Hall

your random bullshit generator is broke Croche Hall there's a hall in Croxtop Park right we hired that

for the night yeah because you can't do it in a day can you can't do a 51 person gangbang no because there's

schools going around in the day oh yeah you've got to have some moral code you have to wait until the gift shop shuts before you

start gangbanging the Croxtop the gift shop shuts before you start gangbanging. The Crockster. The gift shop. There's a gift shop in the hall. Is there? There actually is. There's a gift shop. The porno's called Exit Through the Gift Shop.

And it's a bumhole. That's the exit. Exit Through the Crocky Park Village Hall. Bumhole. Bumhole. No, it's a massive hall. It's a massive mansion. It has to be for 51 of you

no not really I don't need to see it Carl no you do because it's a weird place oh wow Crocky Hall what the fuck is that

it's by our house it's all good that is not the scout hut that I thought it was no that is a amazing old manor house it is

it's right in the middle of Crocky Park and I had a gangbang in there. Lord Sefton's old house. And I'm being sued. Oh, Lord Sefton. Hold Seftogs. So it's a listed building,

and apparently you can't leave too much jizz around a listed building. Apparently. Paragraph 21. These people who organise this gangbang should have just researched that. When did this happen, Adam? A week or two ago. Oh, just a couple of weeks ago. It's already on go.

I'll tell you what. Airbnb don't fuck around with the court cases, do they? They're going to fast track when it comes to 45 loads of jizz. Did everyone finish? What? Did everyone finish? I wasn't keeping track of that. Oh, were you not?

None of my business. Well, kind of some of your business. You know, because you're in the gangbang what are the charges what were you doing levied what what were you doing i was just gangbanging all right cool you just get in the you just get in the zone yeah i went first and then i i was doubling i had another gig with another gangbang i had new material a hot water a new material gangbang what are the charges what are the erm criminal damage to a listed building

criminal is cheers criminal apparently so that's what the court case is determined it's gonna set precedent for all future cases is cheers criminal

question mark wow courtroom too the woman at holiday in Lancaster is listening isn't she that in breaking law well well i never good luck with everything who's representing you johnny cochran i uh i'm representing myself i don't trust johnny cochran that any of these defense lawyers aren't

in cahoots now adam how did you get to go first at a 45-man strong gangbang? I mean, I feel like that is, that's like pole position at the Grand Prix. You've got to qualify for that, haven't you? You can't just go dibs.

It's cock, paper, scissors, isn't it? It's more like a pussy line. Do you see cock then when I do that I see a lion of a piece how did I get to go first I just asked what you called shotgun they were like

oh what we all want to go first and I was like I'm doing Dean's gig of hot water it was a Monday night a Monday night gang bang fucking rough you gotta get it while you can

the hall is chocker with events got to get it you gotta get it while you can straight unadulterated facts that's what he deals with that's what the email said look we ideally wanted a friday or or a Saturday but the Crocky Hall is only available on a Monday and we've got to get it while we can. Best regards Lisa and

the girls. Wow. It's great that they organise it innit? They love it. They do it over email just so there's like a you know so you know

the confirmations. Yeah. Yeah. It's really annoying when people organise gangbang by text. You're like nah. There was a group chat

but it just became just memes of what? just different ones random ones oh yeah just not funny so

can you go to the States or not? can you go to I won't know for a couple of months until it's all settled right fingers crossed

what a shame missing out on Route 54 and Griggsville, Illinois just because you jizzed on some there's a super injunction about this at the minute so I can talk about it but the newspapers can't

there's a super injunction who was involved? what? who else was involved? I can't say for no good reasons super injunction Carl, grow up

talk about my involvement but give us a clue what? give us a clue was Paul Chuckle there? no he's the alive one yeah was there celebrities involved? give us a clue was Paul Chocolat no he's the alive one yeah

was there celebrities involved I can't say any names you know right okay I can't say Limmy Morkhill the actor who played

Limmy Morkhill in a Muckside Jimmy Corkhill in Muckside that's not his name actually is it no

no no Jimmy Corkill is yeah you found the busy right that's what he said when they turned up you found you found the landlord you found the super host yeah i mean he was there jimmy corkill was bad from brookie as well as soon as you're done as soon as you're done as soon as you're done with it you just bang your own

bullshit pal you let me know you let me know Ray Quinn Ray Quinn was there but what was his name Brookie whatever it is

Ray Quinn was the waiter actually he wasn't involved he was just doing the old devs erm old devs the old devs

the Scouse old devs isn't it Shumai Shumaiai gangbang i can't remember that's an album name i chimed in with the haven't you people ever heard of shumai gangbang you ready do you want to call do you want to press the, yourself? Oh, you need more people who were there. Oh no, I'm just, I want you to know that you've got to get out at any time. Brian Conley.

If you, Brian Conley. Here's a cool gangbang. Really good quality, isn't it? Limmy Borkhill from Muckside. You're going to have to, you're going to have to bleep all this.

You're going to have to bleep all this because, Limmy Borkhill. Yeah. Jicky Momlinsonmy Borkhill? Yeah. Jicky Momlinson was he there? No. You're going to have to bleep these names. What are they? What did they have?

Howard from the Halifax Adverts was there. See why you wanted to go first. Noel Edmonds. Why isn't Noel old gangbang this it's invite only yeah is this like a historic gangbang that's been going on since

the early 90s yeah yeah Dappy Matt Baker oh god you don't want to be at a gangbang with Dappy Matt Baker

no Dappy wasn't there he couldn't make it Jamie Thixton was there though Jamie Thixton was there as well and Jamie Thixton was there as well. And Jamie T. And all of the Zootons. Can't remember the rest. No.

The rest is just a blur, isn't it? Blair were there. Oh, Blair. Duncan from Blue. Not Lee, Ryan or Sam Webb. They were busy at Bongos Bingo That's great isn't it What goes on at the gangbang

Stays at the gangbang Apart from If you've got a podcast and then you just tell everyone Just bleep the names and we're fine I've done it I've got a super induction, obviously I can say it Silly isn't it I've done it I love that I've got a super injunction obviously I can say it yeah silly innit

yeah silly you've picked a whole right and that's oh there then ah yeah that's the

that's the bit that made it not believable you're welcome well we can do a cannonball run can't we that's where you go to are we done are we done with the

thanks super injunction you don't have to believe me no you're right I don't super injunction you don't have to believe me no you're right I don't super injunction cannonball run right cool

how can we do that I honestly want to do it out of a pot and choose the route like that random as fuck you get to America with money

and then you've got to buy your car you've got to get your food you've got to whatever so we'd spend all our money on the car

probably who's in the cars I get Finn who gets to stay though get your food whatever so we'd spend all our money on the car probably who's in the cars I get Finn who gets Steve though Steve's just organising it he's on a little motorbike Steve drives the car behind him

but he gets down from the top of you yeah like in the Tour de France where there's nonces on the fucking the motorbikes following him around

you alright need water that'll be Steve nice one Steve Whether there's nonsense on the fucking, the motorbikes following them around. You all right? You need water? That'll be Steve. Nice one, Steve. We need to find Jelly Bean. That was the original plan, wasn't it? I genuinely, it's a fucking miracle that in this room of five people,

there isn't one conviction that could stop you going to America. And he hasn't been speaking. What could we possibly have been convicted of? Do you not think, do you not, like, is it not a surprise that could stop you going to America. And he hasn't been speaking. What could we possibly have been convicted of? Do you not think, do you not like, is it not a surprise

that none of you have ever had something with the police? I don't surround myself with criminals. Right. You just surround yourself with gang banging 90s TV and soap stars.

No, none of that was true. I was doing it for the pod. Oh, hang on. I pressed the bullshit bell and you went, it's true. I was doing it for the pod. Oh, hang on. I pressed the bullshit bell and you went... It's true. I feel like Finn's the only... Like a stray arse and... Nothing?

Closest you've ever got, Finn? It's probably drug dealing, isn't it? Not drug dealing. I mean, going to drug deals. Yeah, but I see your drug dealer's quite friendly Welsh affairs. Like, hello, Finn. Have you come for drugs?

I fucking have. I'll have two drugs. Lovely. How's your mum? She's great. Have a good high. That's how I see your drug deals. Is it just like that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you allowed to say what your drug dealer's called? The Internet. Wow. It's a man. It's a strong nickname what it's a man it's a strong nickname isn't it it's a strong nickname call me is that the internet all right mate i drop your drugs off what what is that your drug dealer voice i've spoke to his drug dealer yeah right john the internet matthews and he's welsh but he does that voice just for what? Like, to have some authority as a drug dealer?

Because he lives in Wales. He lives in Wales. There's a lot of people who live in Wales who aren't Welsh. He made that drug dealer sound very like he was in Top Boy.

Les Battersby lives in Wales. Not Welsh. Is your drug dealer Les Battersby? No, but he's been to one of my gigs. What?

Les Battersby. What? He was at one of my gigs once. Was he at one of your gangbangs? No, he didn't make those ones did he speak to you? no he hit on my mum though oh my god

did your mum shag him? no Les Battersby could have been your new dad he could have that would have been a sad state of affairs Les Batters my mum's pussy fire why would he say that? who? Les batters me mum's pussy. Fire.

Why would he say that? Who? What do you do with the internet? How's the internet, you drug dealer? Where are you going on? I'm not giving away specific things. Dark web. Are you on the dark web thing? No.

Are you just on the web? No, it's a chat room thing that you can go on to order stuff. I'm trying to get them to grasp people up to... I want to understand. This is a public. Oh, shut up. All right, what do you want to know? How do you do it?

I don't understand. You pay with Bitcoin. Stop trying to figure out how to get back on the fucking beef yeah yeah you pay with bitcoin i'm not allowed in any just because you've deleted all your drug dealers numbers you're like no no explain it to me just for comedy purposes i just want to know what the chat room's called hi guys is this the internet um there's a chat room. Yeah. How'd you get in the chat room? You get recommended by someone

and they give you a password for the chat room. Oh my God. That's fucking amazing. I know. Right. And what's the- It's come on a lot. Is it?

No, it's not. It's just exactly what happens with drug dealers, except you put it on the internet. That's how you get a drug dealer's number. Someone goes, yeah, this guy's sound. You should give him your number. He's like, right, right. You can have the number. Yeah. Except it's on a chat room. Yeah. That's how you get a drug dealer's number. Someone goes, yeah, this guy's sound, you should give him your number. He's like, right, right,

you can have the number. Yeah. Except it's on a chat room. Yeah. And you can just get drugs there because chat rooms make me think of like, you know, teenage girls.

Yeah, no, no, no. There's not. You can't order anything. It's not like an online quickie mart. No. It's not. It's not. It's not a shop.

It's a specific shop. Amsterdam kind of shop. Right. Do they sell all drugs? Do they sell heroin? You can do those. I've not a shop. It's a specific shop. Amsterdam kind of shop. Right. Do they sell all drugs? Do they sell heroin? You can do those. I've not done those. I just feel like you shouldn't get heroin from a chat room.

You can get whatever kind of drugs you want from online. Can you? Smackhead3581 says, says yeah i'll have some brown yeah can you get literally everything yeah it's it's it's um it's eye-opening and then just delivered to your house uh by the royal mail no i don't know how much i'm incriminating myself here this isn't fine it's just jokes isn't it It's just like his gangbang It's not real

No it's not real As if there's drug chat rooms So hang on Is it delivered by Royal Mail As in like they're posting it Or are the postmen in on it And he's just standing up at your door and going Here's your gas bill

And here's your bag of brown Because they often Yeah yeah They're in on it But they like to make sure that you know you've got the code hello Finn I've got your delivery some letters

some bills some drugs yeah no it's just posted through the lap box so you get drugs with a stamp on it so the queen's helping deliver your fucking skag at least the taxpayers money's going to something she's stamp on it. Yeah. So the Queen's helping deliver your fucking skag. It's at least the

taxpayers money's going to something. She's in on it. That's how they make the fucking money. Do you reckon the Queen does drugs? Well the Queen helps

deliver them. No but do you reckon she The Royal Mail. Do you reckon the Queen's done DMT? Do you reckon she's ever had like a line?

And Prince Charles like we're really worried about money. Because it was the rich person drug for a while, coke, wasn't it? It was seen as the rich one. It's been sort of commandeered by the working classes. Right. But it's an expensive drug, technically, isn't it?

When did it come out? The 60s and 70s? Yeah. So she was already, like, 50. Do you reckon she's ever been fucking beaked off her tits? Fucking big fish, little fish, cardboard boxing? What, in Buckingham Palace? Yeah. Do you reckon she ever gets the strobes going? Do you reckon she's got, like,aked off her tits Fucking big fish little fish cardboard boxing What in Buckingham Palace Yeah

Do you reckon she ever gets the strobes going Do you reckon she's got like a strobe room Where she goes in MDMA Coke I reckon she has you know Just gives a little bit to the cord I reckon that might be

You know there's been rumours lately that she's Liz is walking the dogs But there's been rumours lately that she's dead isn't there Because like And they're keeping it hush She is dead I reckon maybe she's just got bad on theours lately that she's dead isn't there because like and they're keeping it hush she is dead I reckon maybe she's just got bad on the limo

because Phil's dead yeah because he was a he was the person that was keeping them off it no but like people go off the rails due to bereavement don't they people grieve in mysterious ways

you are coming out with some absolute belters today people grieve in mysterious ways bad on the limo because Phil's dead yeah she lives around the corner bad on the limo now Phil's dead. Yeah. She lives around the corner. Bad on the lemon, now Phil's dead.

You know what I mean? It does happen. People do have like a drug phase when they lose someone. If she's had problems with cocaine in the past. Which she definitely has. Because you just said it. She's definitely tried cocaine in her entire life. Right.

100%. Do you reckon she's had cat? No. I do. It's quite a new drug in her yeah i think she'd be dead i reckon the queen's in a castle right now that's why everyone's like liz you need to do your like come christmas it's gonna be like you need to do the speech yeah that's a great impression of a kale. Tom Twisselton.

I'll be honest, no. I don't think she's done cocaine because it came through in like the late 60s, 70s, didn't it? She was already like a mum and she was all... I reckon she's done a line of MDMA off the crown jewels. So she's gone to the Tower of London

where they're kept. No, I'm in Phil's dick and balls. Hey! Come on! Six things you didn't know about Queen Victoria. Here we go. This is good. This is Victoria though. It's a

different Queen, Carl. Like, do you know how to use the internet? Finn definitely knows how to use the internet. He'll be on the foot the Queen's cocaine shock the new idea magazine the Queen is being faced with shock a guards

oh a guardsman says that's funny she probably gave him it and she's like oh I'm shocked what fucking John's doing coke where's he got that from she's like hold that for one where's john got the fucking limo from i don't do it john john guardsman john the guardsman uh it's john every time no i but if she did what a fucking sesh that would be

just like riding the butler around because he'd have to do it she's sniffing come here come here she's sniffing through a note with her face on ball of that yeah I reckon that'd be quite weird

I reckon she uses dollars or pesetas or something pesetas pesetas she's got some lemo pesetas she's got some she's probably

she's got some everyone's got like old currency lying around from her holiday they forgot about coins though some old drachma from Phil's inheritance

I just you know when someone like they go through a breakup and they go like off the rails for a bit your theory your theories regarding

the queen include literally everything possible. Like, she's a lizard. She's an alien. I don't think she's a lizard. She's dead. She's done cocaine.

I don't think she's dead. She takes up the arse. She has a special person that, like, she shits in his hand. Like, your range of theories about the Queen. The Queen definitely loves a fucking gangbang. She's the Queen. No, I'm not saying she loves a gangbang.

I'm saying she's entertaining. Do you reckon she's ever had another dick? Because how long was she with Phil? How did we get on the queen? We got on the queen from Royal Mail Stamps.

And now we're back on the Does the queen shit on a dick? No, I'm not going to. We won't go there again. But like, you know, when people go off the rails, like when they go through a breakup. She's gone through a breakup recently.

It's not a breakup. It's the ultimate breakup, actually. It's not a breakup. If you're 96 and your husband dies, it's not a change of Facebook status. She's a royal 96, isn't she? So that's like 70. It's not a breakup.

It's a bereavement. And you can't be like, ah, we're split. Okay, well, okay. How did you break up? He died. Single, ready to mingle and get limoed in. and you can't be like ah we're split okay well okay how did you how did you break up he died single ready to mingle and get lemoed in but imagine if she you know like people get old don't they and they get to the latter stages of their life and they stop giving a fuck unadulterated facts they stop giving a fuck don't they they're like oh i can't be asked this anymore i'll be

dead soon imagine if she just went fucking bananas like britney spears was like fuck you all like she's got people like liz you know you've got like speeches to do you got royal appointments she's like can't be asked anymore and she started going out to like student nightclubs yeah i don't think it's that far from possible she went to a food bar in sterling yeah people were asking for photos with me and paul smith the queen was there we'd have been shunned i love this thing people go mental when they're old don't they they just don't give a fuck they get dementia and start you know shitting in the kitchen but they don't start

getting lemo what fucking nannies have you known scouts ones all right okay cool no i'm fucking sick of this i'm 90 i'm on the beak she She's very screwed on, though, for a 96-year-old, isn't she? I don't see any... She's a young 96. She's got no dementia or shit like that, has she? Not that I know of, anyway. Are you keeping up with it? I don't know, man,

because she's had phenomenal healthcare for her whole life, hasn't she? Had shitloads of doctors. She seems pretty screwed on, but it didn't help fucking fill in the end, did it? Looked like an absolute vampire. He was like 193, wasn't he? He looked like he'd been doing pills.

So maybe, maybe Phil was the one that went mental. She was just worried about him. Maybe he OD'd and they were covering it up. I'm now starting to sound like you fucking mongers. Or maybe, hey Phil, I've been on ketamine. I've looked like that. Get in the Range Rover. He's all caved up

bang hit another car classic Phil Pillhead Phil Pillhead Prince Prince Pillhead Prince Pillhead

that's what they called him yeah Prince Pill in the in the castle palace when do we when we we having this first beer?

Because this, you know, I feel like it might actually help. Let's have a break, shall we? I'm thinking about a beer, you know. Hello, everyone. Let's talk about one of our sponsors today. It's NordVPN. Now, I don't know loads about VPNs,

but the man to my left here is addicted to the internet, and he's an expert. See, the fact that you don't know loads about VPNs but the man to my left here is addicted to the internet and he's an expert see the fact that you don't use VPN for your private little Danny time is insane to me it's the most secure way to save the internet you can set your location to anywhere on the planet and that means you get access to like you can change it to America you get American Netflix you can change it to like Saudi Arabia and you get to watch the Premier League football with the sick Saudi Arabian commentators on you get to watch Premier League football that's at three o'clock that you can't get over here it's just a sick way of tricking your computer or any

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code word, have a word. Go and get it. Watch the footy. Watch whatever you you want tell your computer where you are he doesn't get to tell you where you are my computer sometimes looks at me without me vpl i'm like hey we're in liverpool here and i'm like no you're not you're in belarus nailed it and action i'd already gone sorry no sorry director no i've seen that you've done it, but I still, I committed to the bit. You wanted that.

You wanted the energy. I'm a method podcaster. A method podcaster. You just get into it. Yeah. I saw that in the gangbang bit. Stee was just trying to organise the business side.

Congratulations to Stee. Yay! Official signing. Thank you to everyone who applied, but we picked the guy that was within touching distance. Oh, hang on. I don't know these people.

I know Steve. Hey. I had fun with him. Get in the door. Go to school with Carl. That's how you get in. Were you in Japan

with Carl? I don't think you were. Back of the queue. Did you do playful quizzes online from Japan with Carl? Me and Steve did. No. Correct. Steve did. He's made the role his own already. playful quizzes online from Japan with Carl. You mean Steed did?

No. Correct. Steed did. He's made the role his own already. You know? Yeah. Some great suggestions.

Yeah. The gorilla. That was my favourite. That literally made everyone at lunch go, what the fuck are you on, Steed? Right, we've got some questions. I think we should buy a gorilla.

I think these should be, yeah? Do you know, I've just bought, I've bought a gorilla. Why? I'm buying a lot of purchases to wind up my wife. If in about a year and a half, I go, got some news guys. She's genuinely gone.

There is going to be reasoning. And I'm telling you what it is. I've bought a sports car. She does not like at all. I went, are you going to come for a lift with it? Are you going to go for a drive? And she was like, we'll see. That's how much she doesn't like at all i went are you gonna come for a lift with it you're gonna go for a drive she was like we'll see that's how much she doesn't like it and i also bought a little black gorilla because she hates garden ornaments and i thought it'd be funny to have a black ceramic

gorilla in the garden just behind a little leaf going all right i know i know it doesn't say that but you know like people have foxes and gnomes. You wanted a gorilla. I've got it. I've bought it. It's going to just be in the garden. I'm just going to have it just, you know, like gorillas in the sorrel mist.

Are you just trying to slowly edge your wife out of your life? No, I love her to bits. Are you sure? But I also like doing annoying things, and I don't think I should change that. What doesn't she like about the car? I love the black gorilla. In fact,

Stop calling it the black gorilla because gorillas are all black. Oh. Her name's Laura. Oh, it's... Sorry, Laura.

I nearly missed it. Let me get some danger out of my mouth. It's because it was called on eBay, Black Gorilla. Right. It's a silverback. Right.

Right. So it's not even black? Well, it's black on the front and then it's got a silver. And it's called an ass. In fact, I'll put it on Instagram. At Dan has a podcast. I'll put it on my Instagram.

I think that's why I like it so much. It's got the gorillas. Yeah. It's like Carl. Yeah. But why doesn't she like the car? What doesn't she like about it? Because it looks like a midlife crisis pedophile wagon, doesn't it?

In a good way. No word there was good. And the midlife crisis was all valid, but Adam just decided that wasn't funny enough, so he added this pedophile wagon onto it. The midlife crisis pedophile wagon. When you just get to that midlife thing, you're like, oh, I'm halfway through my life.

I need a pedophile wagon. I'm having a crisis. I've not got enough pedophile wagons. Do you know what she really didn't like? When I got it fucking detailed with those words on it. Oh, God damn. I mean, it was one thing. those words on it oh god damn i mean it was one thing on it flames i cooked them kids and then i did you drive home with a top down last night come on come on good yeah it was great wind blowing through your head

it's got some pretty impressive ear hair how is that more offensive than pedophile wagons that's the bit that's bugged me midlife midlife crisis pedophile wagon i was like valid banter you're bald go fuck yourself god i've been really nice to you today you're fucking having I was like valid banter. You're bald. Go fuck yourself, Carl. I've been really nice to you today. You fucking haven't. Not yesterday. Today.

Not yesterday. I'm really looking forward to spending some time with you. Adam's gone. He's gone. So deliberate and unnecessary. It was absolutely necessary. What was it like to have never been in a convertible?

Have you never been in a convertible? I've been in Paul Blair's years ago. What's Paul Blair got? Well, you know, he used to have a convertible. Right. What's it like? Can I just say,

it's a 2009 BMW Z4. It's not lavish. It's not like Paul Smith's Orange Lambo. It's cost me 10 grand plus i'm getting it remapped 300 oh i mean you do it for 16 brake horsepower and what's that i don't know either but i was too embarrassed to pretend i didn't know what 16 brake horsepower is it's how powerful the car is in horses broken horses yeah, it's like if you were riding 16 horses, how quickly you'd be able to stop.

Brake horse. Yeah. Power. Yeah. So it's all about brakes. Yeah. Right. So the power of an engine

is all about how good your brakes are. Yeah. Cool. Right. And how long have you worked for BMW, Mr. Wode? The force-prompt gauge technique. It's the gallop of the horses, isn't it?

Hang on, you've only got 16 extra brake horsepower. I don't know how many horsepower it's got. What if my car's got eight brake horsepower? I've got a KS4, so I've just got four horsepowers. Really? Yeah. You really fly off the line. Like Fred Flintstone trying to push it.

Okay, here we go. BHP. 255. It's Okay, here we go. BHP. 255. It's got 255. 255 BHP. Well, daddy's going up to 271. That's the acceleration of like 271 horses. What?

What? In a line. Yeah. Like the ultimate. Fucking hell, Dan. Got 271 in them bad boys. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah in them bad boys! Me! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's what you want, isn't it? But what they did was they condensed all of those horses into one pedophile wagon. Yeah. You know what Laura really doesn't like? The fact I get her to do two halves of a coconut and she does the galloping sound. yeah you know what Laura really doesn't like the fact I get her to do I get her to do

two halves of a coconut and she does the galloping sound she's like I don't want to do that I'm like well that's the horsepower innit didn't someone call you 270

what you called a naughty name by a person a rich cunt I got heckled turn it just just near the race course in Chester where all the other horses are

yeah yeah yeah. Is that where you've taken in to get it mapped? No. I've got more horses in. I was trying to steer the other way, but the Z4 was like... Have you tried to fucking steer the other way when 271 fucking horses want to go one way?

Hey! I'm not getting an MOT, I'm just getting sugar cubed. Yeah, I just turned round. These fucking goths. It just looked a bit gothy. These fucking goths. These kids just looked a bit My Chemical Romance.

Right, can I just say, you're in Chester. I'm not the rich guy in chester i am a 41 year old having a midlife crisis with a 255 to be 271 brake horsepower pedophile wagon right i came to them and they'd already started crossing they'd already started crossing and then they saw me i'd revved it i was in sport mode not sport mode plus plus, I don't trust it. And then they saw it and he went to his missus like, oh, we can't cross. I'd done genuinely nothing wrong. I wasn't speeded. And just

as I went to turn left, he went, rich cunt! And I kind of liked it. I didn't mind it. We were in Paul's Lamborghini going to the train station. That's different, isn't it? In Paul's Lamborghini going to the train station and he's going like isn't it? Yeah. Paul's Lamborghini going to the train station and he's going like 15

down Berry Street with his window open. Hang on, which street? Berry Street. Berry Street, yeah. On the way to Lime Street. Nice.

Where did he park his Lamborghini? Outside Lime Street. Literally, outside Lime Street. That's just fucking asking for it to be robbed, isn't it? He didn't give a fuck.

And he had his window down and someone literally leant in as they were waiting to cross the road and went, twat. With so much sincerity. Paul laughed his head off.

Yeah. But he has got an orange Lamborghini. He's got a whole... I'd rather be called a twat in a Lamborghini than on the bus, which has happened

to me before. I, yeah, I've been called a cunt. I just got called a paedophile wagon owner and I laughed it off. Like, it's a 10 grand fucking... It's an old car.

He could have literally looked around him and seen someone in a 60 grand car. But just because I had the roof down, I'm the rich cunt. Yeah, because it does look like that, doesn't it? Like, having a convertible. Looks lavish to the to the untrained passerby goth goth then they're looking going oh you look you look like that car is more

expensive than even a bmw x5 which it isn't no but it looks more flash flash is the right word that's what he meant he meant flash cunt not rich cunt right that he just didn't have the vocab rich he really oh

it was like and because he'd stopped in the road to cross like I he was on my side and it really was like rich cunt come on

come on I didn't mind it Laura was like what did he say I'm like I don't care it's fine what is it I'm like, I don't care. It's fine. What is it?

I'm not bothered by it. No, it's great. Yeah. Imagine him calling you a poor cunt. Maybe he just calls everyone cunts. You little cunt. That's a child. Please stop shouting at them.

Yeah. He guesses your wage and then staggers it on that. You do an okay cunt. It's just weird. National minimum wage cunt. Just felt weird. First day I've driven it around. And then some kids in Sogo went,

hey, hey, hey! I was like, yeah, it's 1-0. Don't know what that was. So the kids got excited about your car, but it's not a pedophile wagon. No, I think they read it and went, we're in. Sound kids around my way.

Questions? Questions. Benji Adams says I've been having a debate with the missus for the past month maybe you guys can discuss it

on the podcast and find the real answer if you tell someone to suck a bowl of dicks is it just dicks or is it dicks with balls it's an important question

thank you Benji in my head dicks have always got balls attached to them yeah suck my suck a bowl of dick and balls that's never been said in the world It's an important question. Thank you, Benji. In my head, dicks have always got balls attached to them. Yeah. Suck my... Suck a bowl of dick and balls? That's never been said in the world.

No? Because you don't need to? Because dicks implies the balls are there. Right. Well, that's... What if someone's post-op testicular cancer? Yeah, that's the exception that proves the rule. If I said to you, get in my car,

you'd expect it to have wheels on? Balls are just the wheels of a car. He says, with such confidence, you can't argue. Balls are just the wheels of a car. Fact. Can I just say, suck a bag off. I'm not a ball man. I'm a bag.

Who sucks a bowl of dicks? So Benji, your whole argument is null and void. It's bag of. You rich cunt. What are you typing that on? On a computer? On a phone? A bowl of dicks is like five, four or five dicks.

A bag's like 20 plus. Yeah. Well, that depends how big the bag is. Yeah, but in my head, bags can be a lot bigger than bowls can. Suck a sack of dicks. Sounds well better than a... I mean, are the balls included? What, you mean the wheels?

Implied. Wheels on a car. You see a dick up on bricks. No balls. No, thank you. Jack Morley says, wag wag lids. I'm getting a new kitten soon, and I'm struggling to think of a name for the cat.

So I thought, why not get the experts in so you lads can name him for me. For context he's black and white. Cheers. Megan. Mike. I thought that was a really nice question until that last sentence and then it became dangerous. Leonard. Okay. Liam McPotter. Is that what we're going for?

Leonard Nimoy. Leonard. Leonard Nimow. Anyone? No Nimoy. Leonard Nimow. Anyone? No? Okay. I don't know what to do to myself. Sorry. Chaa! Fucked it up. Leonard the cat. Why Leonard the cat? Where have you got that from?

You asked me for a name and I thought of one. There's no reasoning behind it. Nope. Call it Rich Cunt. Peter. Peter. Okay, cool. I didn't realise this had become a naming cats podcast.

You asked the question. I love it how we're like, I'm looking around going, is anyone going to throw anything out there? Leonard. No. Peter. I just love the idea of being in the garden shouting the name peter and a cat comes yeah yeah or leonard it's my old

it's my old dog bit in it yeah just get a dog and call it ralph keith keith yeah there's a good chance there's like some dad going what keith don't poo there i've stopped and then the ralph one was funny because it does sound like a dog barking ralph i love shouting ralph so many times on stage such a stupid simple joke uh leonardo peter you choose i think you should call your cat rich cunt because if that's not funny come on where. Where's Rich Cunt? Get him down for his fucking tea, Richard. He's not a child. Get him down.

Get him down for his tea. Off the roof. Come on. Liam McPoland says... Oh, it's the Poland, man. Yeah, Liam McPoland. Hi, lads. I just want to ask, where is the line with Stag do pranks?

You boys have obviously just been on Paul Smith's stag do, which went really well. Superbly. Superbly. A few complaints from the... No. No? Fine.

Or everyone's happy. Yep. Oh, no, we got a full complaint email from the owners of the castle, but that's by the by. That was always going to happen. Right, good. I had to move on there because I thought you were going no that's not happening

like yeah he did do that but I decided to just hammer it home that it did fucking yeah it's also lies as well oh really yeah

your room was sound we slept in our room and then went home they sent us an email going oh you've destroyed the castle there's no more castle now you've blew it up castle's exploded

and you know you're gonna to have to pay for that like we don't let people explode the castle up so we'd paid a 250 quid security deposit and they were like we reckon the full costs of cleaning and fixing stuff is 450 so we want another 200 quid so like in the

group chat we were all like it wasn't that bad and like they said the only one room that was acceptable was the one rob time thomas slept in which is just not possible me and carl shared a room and we literally turned up got in bed we we didn't even have a drink in bed no did you jizz on the curtains no no no no no because you've learned your lesson no because i had a gangbang the week before i was all jizzed out. We slept in it and just got off, so there was a lot of bollocks. But in the group, I was just like,

look, it's 200 quid. There's 17 of us. It's, what, £12 each. Let's just pay the £12 each, because otherwise, Paul Smith's stag dude destroys castle is a headline, isn't it? I want to be in that headline, though.

Yeah, but because you've got nothing to lose. No, I haven't. That's why I said it. Don't you think Paul Smith could lose his rep? He's known as a castle keeper. Look, a guy leading his card called him a twat and he laughed it off. I think Stag Do tomfoolery is not going to kill your career, is it? No, but it's very easy for the media,

the mainstream media, to twist it to be like, they were really disrespectful. And then comedians are supposed to be likeable on some level. And the fact that, oh, I used to like his comedy, but he's treating other people's property like shit, which we weren't doing. Paul Smith uses Falkirk Orirk orphanage for his stag do and rests his ball

on an orphan child yeah one ball I meant to say balls and I said ball that did happen as well but like it's very easy to twist it

that way isn't it so we just paid it so you just paid it yeah 12 quid each we just made it up though 100%

all the rooms stunk of cannabis I've seen smoke cannabis yeah always I've seen- I mean, Admo's smoke cannabis. Yeah. Always. I've seen the videos though. Whatever was the main room

looks like it took a bit of a hammering. Is that fair to say? No, it didn't though. We were just drinking and dancing. We weren't fucking like, didn't take wallpaper scrapers and do any decorating. I did do that.

The temptation's there, isn't it? Adam, please don't reward me. It's old hat decor from the 1700s. It'll have been messy, but it was a stag do. Yeah. Like, piss off. Fuck him. But you paid your 12 quid.

I haven't paid yet. I haven't either. But a few people paid 20, so in fact... So once in Newcastle, we were in a quiet pub at about 6, 7 o'clock before going out properly. The landlord came over and told us the pool room was booked out for a stripper by a stag do. We had to get off the table,

but he said we could stay in the room and watch. We were more than happy with the arrangement. The stag group walked in, followed by two of the roughest strippers I've ever seen. They had that human traffic looked in their eyes, and they seemed very pissed off about being there. After a two-minute dance, they got the stag on the pool table and ripped it, literally tore his clothes off,

then started battering him with belts. For the finale, they handcuffed him, bent him over the table, and shoved the top bit of a Copperburg bottle up his arse, and they swiftly left. No one in the room enjoyed it and we all walked out with mild PTSD. Maybe I'm being a shithouse, but I'd say it all went a bit too far.

Copperberg reap? If you're not doing it right, you wouldn't. So, pack it in. Yeah, you can't be fucking a hendoo with a Copperberg bottle as a male stripper. Go to prison. Yeah, I also think it's on the best man who organised that. Who literally went, we're going to a pub at about six, seven o'clock.

Is that after tea or before dinner? You know, like, and then we're going to get the pool room of a pub in Newcastle and we'll get a stripper in and they'll do the two of them. Oh, pool, not pool no it's no no no yeah you've misunderstood it's not the swimming pool of a Newcastle pub okay there's lots of them right okay yeah genuinely I was pitching them like next to a pool not a pool table um bent over the pool. Right. I just can't imagine how fucking... I just think the whole strippers thing is fucking grim, but there's an element of, like, who organised that?

It's absolutely horrific. Yeah, but there's no way that even the best man approved a fucking dry bummer with a Copperberg bottle. Didn't the top was off? You'd hope so. Yeah. If they're fully dressed then they'd just come in

and batten someone and shove the bottle up as they're left. Not a stripper is it? I could have done that. You could. You'd have to have at least your top off.

I had the belts thing. Did anyone do any pranks to you on your stag? No. But I put a pretty strict there better not be a fucking stripper on this stag do and everyone was like yeah cool why why you don't like strippers because it's just the cringiest fucking thing plus there was like four women on my stag do so i just can't imagine

anything grimmer than being in a rented Derbyshire cottages. We were at a place called Hag Hill Hall, which was an old house. Some people were doing beaks, some people weren't. My dad was there. My uncle Robert was there. There was a hot pill that we got decommissioned by the Sunday night because I'd pissed in it that many times. Some fucking Chesterfield stripper comes in like,

you all right, doc? Oh, my God. I'd fucking die. Oh, I would have, like if you were getting, if that was now. I know. I'd have absolutely made sure

there was several strippers there. Every hour. Yeah. Not like ironic big ones, like roly-poly girls. Like literally, like every hour on the hour, it'd be like,

right, come on, another surprise. Oh no. You hear the grandfather clock chime and you know a stripper's coming in. Ding. When the three bells toll. Isn't that Ray Winston?

That's when Mandy's in. No, I'd be fuming. Do you want to... If you get married, are you... He doesn't decide. Does he? The stripper's going to the wedding. So, do you know the way me and you have agreed

that you can pick my tour walk on music and I can pick yours? And you've massively fucked up because you went first and went too soft and I'm going to make it a lot worse. Yeah. I mean, how is that? If I'd have gone horrific,

you'd have gone more horrific, wouldn't you? Yeah. You'd have gone in the recording studio and gone, I fuck kids, I fuck kids, I i fuck kids and i'd have had to walk on to that yeah 100 right so i suppose you sort of i've done quite well but whoever goes first out of me and carl like if carl gets married and i get to be best man and plan his stag do i've got to be very careful because i've got to make it bad enough that it's funny but not bad enough that he ruins my life if i ever get married if i get married first he's got the same dilemma this is

like it's exactly the same theory as the walk on music i went for playful tried not to fuck up the show so when i get to september i don't have angry row going right fucking payback so it's exactly the same thing with this tag who's getting married first it obviously looks like it's called because they've been together 9 15 20 years 11 and um i don't know me i could go quick though if when he falls he falls hard yeah but i'm not not that hard no like i probably like to be totally honest if i'm with you're 30 be totally honest, if I'm with someone... You're in the zone. You're 30 now. If I'm with someone for a few years, I probably won't wait nine, fucking 10, 15 years.

11. But you never know. You never know. Right. So... It's probably going to be him first, which means I've got to be careful. Right, so you're going to...

That's if he ever wants to do it. We don't know. No, we'll have a start. Liam McPoland's got a stag dude coming up in Magaluf coming for his mate Alex. Does he have any suggestions of stuff we can do to him that doesn't involve being anally punished?

I think basically Liam wants some tips. You reckon it's going to be you doing the stag do first, organising it. What can you do that's bantery without someone having stitches in the sphincter? On Paul Smith's first stag do in Berlin, we made Paul Smith

go up to tables in pubs and compare them with no contact. And he was not, not happy about it. Really, genuinely not happy about it. But he did it.

He did it because he had to. He had to go over and go, you alright? Give us a cheer if you've been here before. He was so pissed off. Give us a cheer if you haven't been here before So what's your name mate

What do you do Gonna be in the dog icing out you lad He actually compared it Three tables I think he did He had to go to the bar And argue with himself Over who was paying for the drinks Yeah we told him to go stand at the bar

And be like I'm getting this round No no I'm getting it It's my round Stop trying to emasculate me I'm not emasculating you You're skint I'm not skasculating you you're skint I'm not skint

I've got exactly the same amount of money as you you have to do that at the bar what was the forfeit what do you mean there wasn't even a forfeit

it was just like of course you've got to do it we all got 10 press ups each that we could call in at any time as well and we all called in at one time in the pub you had to do 100 press ups

like just there and then for no reason so the game was you could do 10 press ups at any time and you did 100. Yeah. He got off my goal

and my 10. And he was in like a Lonsdale vest with tan on. You fake-tanned a ginger man.

You've never seen a gypsy call-out? Put the fake-tan Lonsdale, you know, the group picture outside the

gazebo. I've not seen it either. But yeah, he was a trooper. He wasn't happy about it, but he just went, yeah, I'm a trooper, I'll do it. And he did everything. And then there was other ones where Davey Ash was like, you've got to jump in the dock. And he was like, yeah, I'm not doing that one.

It's because Davey Ash just went a bit mental. You've got to fucking strangle a dog. No, but it was literally like, I don't know, you've got a fucking strangler dog no but it was literally like oh i don't know you've got to stab yourself in the neck or you're gay right so this is the whole thing with this type of laddy banter there is a line like so we just did it we just did it here didn't we on the in the science center i said right from now on whenever you sit because when people pass you you're like sometimes they're friendly sometimes they're not I was like right

you've got to from now on we've got to be just be overly friendly to everyone like hello how are you you're right

but then the too far is like if you just stare them down and go how's that doing would you like to be my friend

that's too far in it because that makes them go well that's weird there's a line in there need a far wagon it's got to be subtle so you've got to fuck them up without actually

well have you told a story about what with the pants with paul and how like ham like ham handed it was i don't know what i'm saying ham handed ham fisted ham fisted so on that on that stag do paul blair who is a business genius and often very organised and can put a good stag do together, he's been best man for a few people, had a bit of a nightmare, starting with the fact that he thought Oktoberfest was a gazebo outside Primark in the middle of Berlin. Yeah.

Right? Two days. He was very, very, very drunk. And one of the plans on day two was for us to all go to a swimming pool and have a pool party in Berlin. Right? In October.

Right? He's like, we're going to go to a pool party. I was like, why are we doing that? He's like, because I've got a pair of pants that disintegrate in water for Paul Smithith so we'll all get into a pool and paul's pants are going to disappear and his dick's going to be out paul knew about it because he'd show them the pants a week earlier and then paul barely gone oh you haven't packed your swimming costume i've brought two and paul was like okay yeah yeah i believe you so the next

on day two we're all really drunk walking around berlin looking for a bar and paul was like okay yeah yeah i believe you so the next on day two we're all really drunk walking around berlin looking for a bar and paul blair was like let's do the swimming now none of us are in swimming stuff he's so drunk he's like let's do the swimming now and paul smith goes he's got those disappearing pants for me and we're like yeah and so we went to a hotel oh no hello welcome to the berlin holiday inn because there was a pool that we were going to but it was too far away 15 miles away and outdoors so we were like oh we'll just go to a hotel one and the nearest one was like a holiday inn because paul blair was getting angry with people because everyone was going,

lad, we can't go to this place. And Paul Blair was like, you're fucking ruining it. You're ruining it. I thought this was the pinnacle of the whole Stag Do, the swimming pool banter. But you know when someone's just drunk and they've got an idea in their head?

Best man can't get too drunk, I think. Best man's got to be like the glue that holds it together. That isn't what happened on this Stag Do. So he was like, we've got to do it. why is everyone trying to ruin it and paul smith was onto it and was like come to me i'm at lad let's just go to a pool in a hotel i'll get a dick out he'll be happy and we can crack on with the day right because paul smith is so much more sober than paul blade at this stage So we walk into a Holiday Inn, 25 men,

and I was like, is the pool open? And she was like, a little bladdered as well. Guests only. Are you staying in? And we were like, no.

She was like, then please leave the hotel. And we were left. She was a lot less friendly than the Lancaster Southbound Holiday Inn. Yeah. So you didn't do the pool? No.

No. Paul Smith knew what it was was How was Blair when it was When it became apparent It wasn't happy He was an happy life He had a bitter He had a really bad I've never seen Paul Blair

As angry and frustrated As he was that day But imagine 15 miles out Imagine If you're on a stag do In Liverpool city centre And the pissed

Fucking best man went Right We're gonna have to get to witness. We're going to an outdoor pool. Shut up. Disappear in pants. And witness. And we can't get in a pool.

We're going in the Mersey. And we'll get his dick out under the Mersey flow. Classic. You'd be fuming. He might as well have just thrown his dick out in the street and that's the same thing. Wow. The second stag do sounds well better well better shout out rob thomas phenomenal organization blair is great he's organized and stuff like that he just got very very drunk and couldn't he lost control of

the stag out the outfit then the wanky outfit is is is absolutely standard fare but make it subtle don't make it like it's a a wool thing that though for me no but make it so like his suit's just a little bit

too big make it so it looks like it's his clothes not like oh we've got lawn style on make his make him have a shit rig out on and it looks like

is he dressed like that that's worse because people believe it don't be like oh we should have a fucking pink wig like I'm not going to make him wear like a tutu because then he'll just make it worse for me i i just dressed when i organized my mate matthew's stag do matt stag do i just dressed

dressed him like he was like an amateur magician phenomenal it was it was all clothes it was all clothes that were comfortable perfect they all him, but it looked so bad. It was a black shirt with white hearts on it, a bright pink tie, and a silky white... He looked like a gay snooker player. He looked like the first openly gay snooker player. He was like, I am potting balls. Les Dennis.

Or John Vega, I wonder. We didn't call back from yesterday because it feels like it's the same episode. that I am potting balls Les Dennis or John Vargo won it we were doing callbacks from yesterday because it feels like it's the same episode John Vargo

I said Les Dennis was on Big Bird you mean Jim Davidson yeah but John Vargo was the snooker expert wasn't he it's literally from yesterday's

if you're a patron you'll get all of these callbacks if you're a pube it's sort of your fault shall we do a little bit of

advice and then go for some luncheon I am a man I'm here callbacks if you're a pube it's sort of your fault shall we do a little bit of advice and then uh go over some lunch break it down um okie doke we've got we'll do one here you can choose it we've got neighbor issues we've got um involving another lady in the bedroom or banging your best mate's ex. Or we can quickly do both of the juicy ones.

Do the second and the third one. Okie doke. This is from Anonymous. They always are. Wag wag lids. I need some advice. I've been with my partner for three years now, both of us, 21, and we've decided we wanted to explore sex before settling down to marriage and kids, etc. One of the things we've discussed is involved,

this is from a lady listener, this is involving another lady in the bedroom for me to have my first girl on. A heterosexual lady. She is a hetero, I think she's a little bit of bi-open. No one's ever said that in the world. Okay.

To involve another lady in the bedroom for me to have my first girl on girl experience with my partner involved too. We've been on some sites and found someone to come and have some fun and let my partner dominate both her and me. You sound so sound mate the only thing is now i feel a huge pressure to perform well in the girl on girl action i've never done it before i want it to be fucking amazing but i'm scared i'm gonna mess it up and make it awkward can you guys give me some advice on how to stop these feelings or what i can do to make the

experience better love the pod and love being a patron. That is from an anonymous bi-curious lady who is asking Adam Rowe, a straight heterosexual man, how to have lesbian sex. Adam?

She needs a pre-season. What? She needs to go to a few gay clubs and do some muff diving. She needs to beat someone 8-0. What, in Austria? Yeah. She needs to go out

find some ladies have some lady sex together do some muff diving lick some beans kiss some bumholes get good at it it's all the terms

that lesbians use isn't it yeah oh I'm going out finger someone yeah that's done scissor them what

what scouse lesbian love yeah yeah what that's done scissor them what what scouse lesbian love yeah yeah what that's what she needs to do right cool 100% just go out

maybe get an older lesbian who can guide you a guru lesbian yeah like an OB Les Kenobi anyone

yeah but a fella doesn't want her to be a lesbian. Christina Guru Gerthy. Absolutely. Can't argue with that. Famously, Gerthy is what lesbians love, innit? Gerthy Dildos? True.

True. Yeah, a fella doesn't want her to be a lesbian. He just wants to have a threesome, so surely they're doing that pre-season. Cheating. Cheating. That's the problem, innit? She can't actually go out and do it. doesn't want to be a lesbian he just wants to have a threesome so surely they're doing that pre-season cheating cheating that's the problem innit bum all loads of men

she can't actually go out and do it because that's cheating the trust circle innit that threesome is the trust circle I think she could go to a fella

with this dilemma and go listen John I need to go out he's a busy cunt John innit a busy lad John, John, isn't he? A busy lad.

John, look, I'm worried that I'm going to embarrass myself in front of you and Melissa, and I need to go out and make sure I'm ready for that. So I just want to go and bang some muff. Is that all right for a bit? And he's not going to go, no, that's horrible. I don't know, you know, can he bum men in the same time so he's getting his?

I've got a feeling he doesn't want to, but I... What weird practice that would be for a female-female-male threesome. Well, I want to practice as well. So I fucked Leroy because I just needed to get that practice in. How does that help us in this situation, John? Don't know. Anal. But I came.

Pretty hard. Surely a lady knows what feels nice. Can't you just... Do you reckon you could do good gay sex? It can't be hard, can it? Stick your dick in his ass and fucking go away like a beeswing? Well, I mean...

That's all he wants. No, but I mean... Do you reckon you could land on a dick? You know what a blowjob sounds like? It sounds like... You know what a blowjob... You're not going to be like, oh, oh, I don't know.

You get in there. I'd be a fucking trooper, mate. Yeah. You could handle a cock then. Like, I've got an idea. Right. Eh. Not feeling quite as playful on this.

Yeah. The only, the only Very occasional problem You have with oral sex with a girl Is finding exactly the right spot isn't it And you know where the spot is Yeah I'm a dick You just put your helmet in your mouth The whole dick's the spot

I'm going to say this I think Adam you suck a phenomenal dick I think I could Because I'm your mate And I'm supporting you And I want to say this now And I want everyone listening and watching to know I think Adam Rowe could suck a phenomenal dick

Yeah Yeah Of course you could babe Yeah I know you don't want to I don't want it Oh that's technical You know

But he could Could What about you Carl? Options there I could yeah Oh yeah Yeah of course you could I know what one is

All over the place. The only problem I'd have is that I gag when I'm brushing my tongue. Same. In the morning. You know what I mean? Excuse me, I'm brushing your what? Finn's got no gag reflex. You don't brush your tongue when you brush your teeth.

Brush your tongue. You don't brush your tongue when you brush your teeth. You meant to brush your tongue. You meant to brush your tongue, Carl. Do you not brush your tongue when you brush your teeth i am not a tongue brusher really what the fuck oh you must have fucking chlamydia of the face is that how that is that how committee works show me your tongue stick your tongue out no no no you're making me feel bad don't't show the listeners. Show me. I was so supportive of your cock sucking.

Yeah. Stick your tongue out and show me. Show me your tongue sticking out. All of it. No, like this. It looks clean. Have I got a manky tongue? You've got to stick it out.

Show me the tongue. Imagine a man is about to come in your mouth and you look like a toilet. Come on. That last bit didn't help that just next time you want a tongue out oh not good it looks fine it's very red down the middle which means it's probably infected like a pussy line cool who'd i go and say about that an orthodontist all right cool can you brush your tongue no because i'm like i cannot believe i'm getting hammered

for no fin do you brush your tongue yeah i thought that was just that is just normal you do top teeth bottom teeth inside both sides and then you do your tongue some some toothbrushes got tongue brushes on the back i thought the head yeah i knew that was there i just thought that was for grip in case you dropped it it was How do you hold your toothbrush by the end? I don't know why they make them so long. It's not handy. You've got to start brushing your tongue. Well, guys, you've changed everything.

Brush it with a cock first. Not helpful. So anyway, love, suck a dick. What? She'd be good at it. Don't worry, you're going to be good at it

because you know what you like. Go and get some practising. Join a local club. If you were going to play in Wimbledon, you'd go and join the local tennis club for the bit first,

wouldn't you? This is the same thing. Pussy club. This is your Wimbledon. Liquor bean. Kiss a bumhole. Your fella's not going to have any issue with it if he's into this he's not it'll probably turn him on the thought of you being out there doing that knowing it's for practice with this just don't fall in love with one of them because then he'll be disappointed oh yeah yeah it's true all true i'm fucking weirded out

about not brushing my tongue I want to go and brush my tongue So when you brush your teeth Stop saying tongue Yeah I know As well It's tongue isn't it A tongue is a fucking

For like Oh no I brush those I brush those I brush my tongues Of course After a barbecue You'd be mad not to Bacteria

When you're brushing your teeth Don't you go What Like don't you like gag on your toothbrush Oh I'm a dirty girl When I'm brushing your teeth don't you go What? Don't you gag on your toothbrush? Oh I'm a dirty girl when I'm brushing my teeth I do That's a pat on my cheek Two toothbrushes

Stick one up my arse Don't brush your arse Dan You don't brush your dick in the morning What else do you brush that I don't brush? Yeah Brush your dick in the morning What else do you brush that I don't brush? Yeah Luckily I only drink healthy drinks It's so quick so fast absolutely

Carl is fucking smashing me it's a second hair joke it's because I called it's because I called him fat old patron record and he's come back yeah he's getting fat though

no I don't think he is it was a joke so was that but you're a nasty person sometimes can we just leave it there? Because he's won, hasn't he? That's it.

That's end of set. Can we do the other one when Molly's in? Yeah. Yes. Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, it is time to let you know about our lead sponsor,

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which is honestly one of the best bits of kit. We got sent them when Manscaped became a sponsor. They're a phenomenal bit of kit. You don't get nicked. You've got a little light on it. It runs forever. You can use it in the shower. You've also got the weed whacker for your nose hair

because ladies do not like a hairy fucking nose. You also get extra gifts. There's like a shed travel bag, which was really nice. Anti-chafe, like, what are these? Like boxes by Manscaped the boxes are amazing i actually personally love the ball deodorant and the toner as well and they've smelled better ever since you started my balls smell fucking lovely mate well no the guests comment look treat your missus to getting you one of these shavers your dick will look better your dick will look bigger and honestly

she's gonna want to touch it more because no one wants to touch a messy little pubic region. You've got like leftover cum in it. Oh God, God, no, really? Is that an issue? Is that the issue? Go to manscaped.com for our exclusive offer of 20% off plus free shipping with the code WORD20.

What's the code, Adam? The code is WORD20. Shave your code, Adam? The code is WORD20. Shave your balls. Make your woman think you're great. Come in your pubes, eh? Problem. Sometimes. Have a wash first, yeah.

There's only so much shampoo can do. Yeah. Get the Lawn Mower 4.0. Hack away. It is actually the best thing I own. It is. 100%. So, thanks for coming in, Molly.

And I think first question from Dan is, obviously, what was Love Island like? I mean, I just found the love of my life. Thanks for having me, lads. Thanks for getting me a chauffeur taxi. I walked out of the gaff before and Tom, the concierge, has gone, what's that?

He said, I fucking moved up in the world whilst eating an egg mayo butty from Tesco and a bag of watsits. Can we talk about that? Because I sort of paused the music in here before to try and get these, because I seen your tweet about what meal day you'd had. It's a bit of a rogue combination

an egg mayo with wottset innit well I always put the wottset in the egg mayo butter that is rogue councillor steak kid we had nothing

because I had nothing so I had to make make it work we didn't have cheese we had cheese crisp cheesy putts cheesy putts

so there's a cheese platter around there it's not New Year's Eveiv just watsits and quavers yeah but normally lads i'm a bit of a weirdo i am a creature of habit of death so i normally have a chicken caesar sandwich wrap yeah it's my go-to blue doritos yeah In Or with With I'd put them in I'd have An iced coffee The Starbucks ones

And then That's me Yeah but They had not And so forth Right next Best thing I had net today

And I thought If I don't eat now I'll be fuming On a You're the only UFC fighter Doing a weight cut The week after you fight. I know.

I'm famous now, apparently, so I'm not getting fucking fat. I'm not doing it. That's why I'm on zero sugar Fanta, and I'm not having a nail now, apart from shots. If anyone's seen me after the fight, my one anyway with Paddy, I was like, can I come back out to watch him?

Dana was like, you can have my seat. And he went, yeah, there's a bottle of whiskey. And I went sound. So I've just took the plastic off and bit the lid off. And he's just gone. And then I've looked at all the people, the comms team, who work for the, obviously, who were doing it for ESPN and BT. And they're looking at me.

And I'm just going, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug. And it's whiskey. was a howlerhead howlerhead it tastes like banana well beany bananas and anyway

and he just looked at beautifully described beany bananas that's on the ad verse actually Dana White was just like what the fuck is this and I was just

absolutely giving it and he literally said after he was like you're a maniac i love you you seem like you've got a pretty good bond with dana white like i like i'm not the ufc i met him but it was like you look like you like he was been training because he like remembered like in cartoon films when they just see like dollar signs it was like bing

I've got a new best friend yeah oh this is what Liverpool can do okay he must have thought like Darren can sell

tickets Paddy can't what the fuck and I was that elbow little meatball can but on a knockout of the year defo

in March already and I was like what do I get for that and he was like well you've got 50 grand I was like do I get anything else he was like no it looked like something you did to your sibling you know when

you're a kid and they're like trying to get new headlock god fuck off so satisfied if you'd watched not a lot of people know but that was me a fight in the ufc do you know what i mean and in every single fight i've done a spinning back elbow i I've noticed that. I said to him the other day, I went, she's been setting that up for fights. Since the dawn of time. Normally I'd fake a takedown and it would spin round and it would be like a 12 to 6 kind of, like 12 o'clock to 6 o'clock.

But this was 9 to 3. Like, I just remember. A lesser known Dolly Parton song. Yeah. Flexit time. I'm still free. Quite a nice way to make a living.

It's bedtime at three o'clock. Yeah. I don't know if I can show you, but I'll be lad on Twitter, on Instagram, put this picture of my opponent with a pillow under her head, go and aim my alarm in the morning

and then me. The girl's doing this. And my mum's just texted me because my mum's seen my comments and she went, delete the comments, you need to be sensitive. I went sensitive and said,

do you know when these fucking people who I fight are on steroids and beat me or fucking choke me unconscious and keep putting their replays on, I said, do you think they feel bad? I said, I fucking won't.

You do not need to be sensitive when your job is to knock people out no do you know what i mean you've like sharon you are a fully is that your mom's name sharon sharon if you're anywhere near as hard as your daughter lovely to meet you and if you're not no let her show both she's just knock I've seen so I've only I'm a bit of a casual fan of MMA and I'm getting more and more into it because of you and Paddy and the scouse pride

that comes with that and my gateway drug into MMA at all was Connor a few years ago yeah same as us all Carl has got properly into it we were there by the way

we were there was she? both of us were there yeah they went down with Paul Smith the three of them glad you couldn't hear me fuck me the noise we were there by the way we were there was she? both of us were there yeah they went down with Paul Smith the three of them glad you couldn't hear me fuck me the noise we were making

lad I was I have right I said to Dana White on the Thursday I said see these they're gonna light up the O2 I said wait until you hear it

because I knew all the Evertonians were coming down so I knew they've got the chance on the go and then when the first round started and I just looked like come husky they're everywhere I just said Molly, Molly but

like like nothing I'd ever heard before and it was just the Evertonians was just getting it set off weren't it? No it was everywhere it was like I was saying it was there and it would work the whole way but it wasn't I thought it'd be like Scouse is going to show up for Molly and Paddy. It was like, it was everybody. Everybody was singing both your names the whole night. Eddie Hayne like that. You said to me as you pulled up, I've just gone out and got you out of the car.

You said it's only hit you today what you've just done on the weekend. So expand on that a bit for us. What do you mean by that? What's hit you? What have you realised that you've done i'm 31 and i started karate kickboxing thai boxing boxing then mma since i was 11 so that's 20 years this year i've been in and around a gym and everyone knows my life story has been a fucking bit of a tough one. And I've always nearly made it, and then something bad happens.

Like, I won the world title, got signed to the UF, got absolutely fucking fucked in my first fight. Went on this free fight win streak, neck big thing, bump, lose two on the bounce again because there was no fans. And then fighting for my life in September on that last fight, and get fight of the night and get the bonus and then I get this one and it's like hard work and perseverance has took me to where good luck has found me but I'm still in disbelief even though I know what I'm

capable of like I am still so shocked and I was just walking through town before and I think I told you but Katrina Johnson-Thompson, like, world champion heptathlete from Liverpool, literally walked past Bald Street, and I was with my dog, Frank, and my girlfriend,

and I went, oh my God, I said, please may I have a hug, ran over to her, and she was like, no, can I have one,

and I was like, what do you mean, she went, oh, just follow, can I get tickets to the next fight, and I was just like, wow, when like, like my idols and that, know who I am, and like, what do you mean? She went, oh, I've just followed you. Can I get tickets to the next fight? And I was just like, whoa.

And like, you're like my idols and that. And now where I am. And like, I just can't get over that everyone's on to who I am and what I'm about. And it just fucking blows my mind. And I went out after the after part. Well, on Saturday when I was on the aisle. I didn't stop till about six in the morning.

And then I was just like ringing everyone bladders in the foyer on the way home on the aisle I didn't stop until about 6 in the morning and then I was just like ringing everyone bladders in the foyer on the way home on the Sunday like what the fuck has just happened here and then on the Monday I went to the gym

and just tried to stay as normal as I can same done the Tuesday and then this morning me and my girlfriend had breakfast together and went for a walk and there's lads like

washing windows like 55 60 year olds going yes the meatball and everywhere we're going i can't walk down the street without someone just jumping on me and i'm just like fucking hell like it's not going to change you i am like i said to him still on tesco meal deals and got one tens on but um i'll still probably be in tiki jo Joe's heaven or the G bar at 5 o'clock in the morning at some point this like before my next fight

but I'm just completely still on cloud nine blown away and just think fucking hell what's happening with my life what's going on what's the highlight

on Saturday night you've been training for god knows how long you've not been boozing and then all of a sudden your ringside 13 weeks are done off the ale. Yeah. And then Paddy's,

and then Paddy's fighting. And the vape pens. And the vape pens. The geek bars. But like you, you, you've won and then your mates won and then you've got a fucking bottle of whiskey. I mean,

I've done, I remember like my early gigs when shit was starting to go well, I'd be like up for fucking days and that's nothing on that like how's that how's that feeling so I'm not sure if you've seen three years ago

I won in my first fight in the UFC was in London when I popped my eye yeah you went to hot water the next day

and I saw you yeah and I was here do you remember and I think I spoke to you not long for the first time after that fight

and because I was joking about my eyes like you're right remember who's got a wasteful guy you've been punched and mine's just i was born with it i was i was born with ufc do you know how horrible a realization that is in your life i get ufc injuries coming out the fucking womb yeah but I was like oh yeah but I'm short little as well

I was punched by my mum's vagina on the way out just take that son I was a cesarean actually so clam clam no but I was

clam a little bit too hard oh shit yeah but I said to myself a midwife on the roids. Get this fucker out. Never have a midwife on the growth.

Fuck enough. I said, we all look like family. I reckon we could be cousins. That's what I was saying. But yeah, it was just a big, big, big, mad one. And we always knew this was kind of coming like am i shouting no no no no we always knew it was coming and patrick like did you see it like he's with the scene in the crowd it showed you his backstage him his his um

i'm gonna saying response. His reaction. His reaction. Oli, I've just got to let you know on this. I've watched every single bit of footage from that event at least 500 times. There's nothing you can reference

about UFC London from the other night that at least one person in this room hasn't seen. The video of you and Paddy singing Jamie's song. Weekend in Paradise. Weekend in Paradise. Backstage.

I'm not messing. I was hungover the other day. And when I'm hungover, I will watch something again and again. And I must have watched that well into triple figures. I'm talking a hundred times. When you come over and you grab him and you're pointing at the camera. I know. I know.

I promise. Did you see when Everton won after that lad near fucking tried to kill himself on the Thursday night yeah do you remember I said when Everton won I put a tweet out saying

Everton to me blues I promise you a three day bender like we won on the Thursday and I knew Saturday we was going to get that like

there was something in the air for so long that this time was coming for me and him and the city and our team and everyone who's waiting. But we are like Scouse memes, walking memes, me and him, and we just try and do anything we can.

Sorry, the egg may open. What's it combo? That's going to be your new nickname. I know. Molly the Egg May Overcam. I am a walking meme. Yeah, but what a special, like you can just see. See when I scaled the fucking fence every time.

Have you seen that meme? You have to slide that in here. People are like, why are your legs not bent? Why are your legs up in the air? I'm fucking, I don't fucking know. I can't even explain what happened. I just remember, like, even when he won, running in. And we just, he grabbed me face in.

I don't think you've seen it, but he kissed me on the lips. Like, not in a weird way, but like, I love you. We've done it. We've fucking done it and we both jumped onto one side and was just looking at all of our luck

because our fans was in the same bit the images of you and Paddy at the end it's quite iconic really isn't it it's literally iconic two best mates

from like a female the same gym in Liverpool one Everton fan one Liverpool fan I know it's no wonder Dana White's like, what the fuck?

Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. It's a... And the fact that you're Bezos as well. Just how can you not watch it and go, oh, it's just to get you going. What did you say to Dana when you ran over to him? Do you remember? I fucking told you, lad.

No one's ever said that to Dana White. I fucking told you lad no one's ever said that today i fucking told you lad and he was just like oh my god that was awesome but um i was then in disbelief and then once i've done the media i love doing media because i just like to tell people never get to see a relaxed me they always say how about that oh my fucking god what do you know what i mean so post fight i was just like listen i'm really sorry but i'm not doing this i answered three questions i was like i'm going i'm getting off and going to watch patrick and then when i was sat next to dana you went kid you got 50 bag and I went what you went 50 50 grand knockout

of the year and I just jumped on and was like slapping him on the head and giving it all back that's two 50 grand bonuses in back to back fights

and the first one all went in 54 that's Tony Carroll's nightclub yeah ran that one away I'm only messing I'm only messing.

Fucking not. Look at my eyes. I wish we'd met earlier. I know. Fox. And Everton away trips. Up the hands toes. When he told me, I was just like, what the fuck?

I think that's exactly what I said. And then he went, and guess what, kid? I went, what? He went, you signed to Barstool. I went, what? He said, Dave has just tweeted, welcome to Barstool. So obviously you all know what Barstool is. So just, we all do.

In case any of our listeners don't, Barstool Sports is a podcast network that has become this huge multi-billion dollar production company based over in the States. And after Paddy's debut, Paddy Pimblitt's debut in the UFC, and obviously he's got the charisma that could fill football stadiums and will fill football stadiums. Dave Portnoy, who's the CEO and founder of Barstool, DM'd Paddy, the baddie Pimblitt, and was like, lad, big fan.

I just want to sponsor you. I don't know what I want to do with you. I just want you involved with my company and I want to give you money to attach our name to you. And he's now seen what you've done the other night, seen, again, dollar signs like Dana White, seen you and Paddy in there together and gone. Like, Paddy becomes a stronger brand for them with you next to him as well.

Of course. And what Paddy signed, like a million dollar deal, a million pound deal or something. I didn't ask him which one it was. It was just what got said online. Yeah. And...

I don't think when Paddy got the offer through, he was worried about exchange rates either. Well, I just think... What they were joking about was they wanted it to be exchanged the offer through he was worried about exchange rates either well I just what I was joking about was they wanted it to be exchanged in English money

into a mill and nothing less do you know what I mean and I remember when Paul Rimmer told me I was just nearly crying I was just like

I can't believe he's done it I was so happy for him so happy for him and my coach was like these things

will come for you just wait just give it time i was like i'm not even asked i said your brother's day about to change everyone's life everyone's winning when one is winning or or whatever and then um when i've sat next to dana and it was before i got to dana when i've walked out robbie from barstool has gone Dave wants you in so when sorry when Dave when Dana's told me I was just a bit like what does that mean the same money like what I'm just thinking

bing bing bing bing Tony Carroll's thinking 54 bing bing yeah I know he is and what happened? I fucking, Graham rang me on Monday and he went, by Friday, we'll know the deal. I won't say not until I know,

but it's looking good. And then Dave rang yesterday. I mean, Paddy was on his podcast and he was just kind of telling him how much we got paid. And he was like, are you fucking joking? And we was like, no, it's just you're way too old. I've seen this.

So there's a big, a common misconception amongst casual MMA fighters. Is that we're all on fucking Conor money? Yeah, all that. Even if it's not Conor money, because everyone knows Conor's earning millions and millions for fights because he's selling the pay-per-views and stuff. But people, I seen a thing the other day

where it was like, here's what everyone earned, like a graphic of, here's what everyone earned from UFC London. And I seen they had Paddy getting paid like $107,000. And Paddy tweeted it saying, are you fucking joking? So Paddy said on, I know I'm not revealing exclusive details here

because I seen him say to Portnoy, he got 12 grand for showing up and another 12 for the win. People think it's... But you've got to remember, that seems a lot for one night's work, but you've got to remember, there's two, maybe three fights a year

for MMA fighters, isn't it? So, like, with all the training... That's not a very big boxing purse from a few years ago, is it? Yeah, so this is why, likeIM, Jake Paul, et cetera, have a big go at Dana. And just to, I'm not defending the company I work for, but every single person starts on the same.

And that's where I think it's good. Every woman, every man starts on the same. And until you've earned your crust. Like a company, like a product. So you paid for it. Now, do you think Patrick Pimblitt's ever going to earn that money again? Not a fucking chance. Do I think I'm going to be...

I am paid, like... This is my third contract I'm on. So my wage was quite a lot higher. So Dave was like, you got paid more than him by that much and it was just like well i've just it's me eighth fight yeah yeah do you know what i mean but then when he heard what we got paid i think he was a little bit like well we throw 50 grand bonuses at people i'm just gonna laugh yeah so we'll fucking throw some more money i said well i need that sponsorship deal dave do you know what I mean?

Just to give you a reference of where we are compared to Barstool, we gave Finn a £250 bonus this weekend. Well done, yeah. Not quite the £50,000. It's not quite sound. It's pretty sound. It was Sunday and we were bored. There you go, lad.

So we have a couple of group chats. We have one that we're all in and there's a second one That they don't know about Called The management It's me, Carl and Dan And we were like

Should we just Have a little bonus each And give one to the lads Was you going to do that then I'm going I will if you will What Shut up

Oh yeah You having a shot Oh yeah We're going drinking In Liverpool I don't know how I got it past my wife Molly But it's happening I'm absolutely loving this chat How many mils That 50 Liverpool I don't know how I got it past my wife Molly but it's happening

I'm absolutely loving this chat how many mils that 50 mil I don't know but I'm going to have to drink it all double shot or

anything because there's a UFC fighter about to judge me when I go cheers congrats man that's fucking

amazing cheers lad Cheers Congrats man That's fucking amazing Drink it Because I'm waiting For a fucking bomb Cheers lad She's made you Look a soft cunt There you know

She was already Making me look a soft cunt Finish it Finish it Hang on Now she understands Where all the money Went in 54

Two seconds two seconds it is so i remember a few years ago when um people were talking about sort of it's about damn time god damn i said god damn like equality in sports has become like a such a huge topic right and i remember when like ronda rousey was at the peak of her fame and got a few miller things didn't she yeah and i remember someone was criticizing dana for something and he was like our highest paid athlete is a woman is ronda and it's interesting to hear you say everyone starts on the same because for a company like the ufc which is still it's getting bigger and bigger and bigger. 28 years old.

That's all it is. But you, Paddy, Conor, Masvidal, these characters are charging this company forward and getting it to compete with boxing. And I think we all know within a few years. It already is better than boxing. Yeah, it's already better, but I'm talking numbers wise. Yeah, the numbers wise do you know that that show on the weekend was the most viewed fight night of

all time it was the highest grossing sporting event i've known too that they've ever had and when i'm talking about dollar signs and self-worth we know what we're capable of now so there'll be no bowing down to anyone anymore and it won't be like an arrogance thing either like you just want what you earn you gotta get it while you can and it you know what i mean and i am just buzzing that scouse is a paving the way because some people will just be wounded or even northerners or even socialists do you know what i mean that they will be wounded that we're like absolutely leading the way now it's i love it there's a lot of parallels with comedy

i mentioned this to you the other day we bumped into each other this podcast has sort of exploded since it started a couple of years ago and there's now a bit of a this happened in la and new york over the past 10 years there's been a podcast boom and it's dragged the bit of a... This happened in LA and New York over the past 10 years. There's been a podcast boom and it's dragged the power of the comedy industry back from industry people to comedians who get to control their own narrative and future and content and all that.

How smart are you on the slide, Ian? It had happened, but it had happened in the UK. How articulate are you, lads? It's in there When he's concentrated Oh his head's gonna be Fucking massive When he's in a silly mood Fucking proper head the ball

Is here However Favour more Moreover We get London comedians Asking to come to Runcorn Like four years ago If you'd have told London comedians

that after the pandemic, there was going to be a pandemic and we were going to be going, come to Runcorn. They'd be like, please, can we come? It's fucking amazing. I got an email the other day

from Penguin Books. Because they want to get one of their clients on. A publishing house in London. Dear sir, can we send one of our writers what is it they're reading it for the first time in their lives love it but so there's to mirror what's happening in la and new york there's a podcast scene growing here. And without tooting our horn too much slash a lot, we started that.

Like the first ever purpose-built studio. Them tequilas are hitting my eyeballs. Was this. And there's now a shitload more. And a lot of them are based in Liverpool. And it's, I'm telling you, like as much as you and Paddy with MMA, there's going to be an explosion of people wanting to get into MMA in the northwest of England

and Liverpool. I'm telling you, Monday, it's like, I always call it the Wimbledon effect. So do you remember when you watched Tim Hemming or Andy Murray? You went and bought the racket? You'd be like, oh, fuck, I'm going to fucking... Every knobhead was on the tennis courts.

Yeah, 100%. And what me... Going to Nalga? Yeah. Vagabonds, is that what it's called? Vagabonds, yeah. And what's the best thing for me is and I honestly I cried my eyes out on Monday is when I'm getting tagged

and there's 5, 6, 7 year old little girls going to martial arts class on Monday and they was like we're going because of Meatball Molly and then they send me little videos of Meatball Molly and all that and I was just like this is like Katie Taylor shit, do you know what I mean?

I was like, what the fuck? Who is your cousin as well? Yeah, somewhere down the line. Boxing superstar Katie Taylor. So we only found out her name. How many Scousers are there? Because we sit here. But we're from Ireland.

Oh yeah, my cousin, yeah, yeah, yeah. We all grew up together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was always at school with Steven Gerrard. Every scouser you've heard of drinks at my local. Fucking 750,000 people and they're all directly related. Do you know what?

My after party on the weekends, mine and Paddy's, people kept coming over to the VIP bit going, I'm Molly's cousin. And they're going, fuck off, you're not. I'm going, no, they are. And then the next one, and then the next one, i'm going no they are and then the next one and then the next one and then the next one and then the next one i had 10 girlfriends that night as well i'm molly mccann's girlfriend oh come on in

my actual girlfriend was fuming she was like oh is that right yeah what's in your mind what is apart from your next fight which i imagine will be towards the end of this year well i i'm hearing rumors paris is in september fight island's october and then you've got a lot of shit in between sorry just because i'm the the noob that doesn't know What's Fight Island? Abbie Dabbie It's where they built over COVID Oh, it sounds like an island Like Love Island Where you just go Can you stop putting air on Love Island?

Molly Maple Fight Island sounds so much better They get you to the fire pit to tell you which one you're fighting You've had a text? Message! Someone's getting swatted. Get in the sauna, you've got to make way. I wanted to ask you the question which you sort of touched on before

when you were talking about the period of your career where you'd had a couple of losses and stuff. And you mentioned in passing that that might have something to do with the lack of fans in the building. So do you feel like when you're going into these fights, a big part of what you feed off is the energy from the crowd? Watch any single one. I think I've got about 14 fights on UFC Fight Pass.

When people say, like, why do you fight? Mine's for my community, my area, my family, and pride, and my gym, and bragging rights and when they're not there that's like it's like the 12th man's not there do you know what i mean when you watch the prem with no fans horrific like liverpool couldn't play at home no do you know what i mean everton still couldn't play anyway it had to be you or carlton saying that one i'm afraid i don't know i had to fuck you but i am i do for them and i promised everyone always you'll see the best me when i can feel the crowd and any single fight even that one in september there was about 60 people in the

building allowed to watch. And they was all for me. Do you know what I mean? And I can always pull through with them. But hand on heart, I couldn't fight without the crowd. I couldn't get up for it. So you're going to end up in Vegas,

inevitably, aren't you? Because it's the home, essentially, of the UFC. I think we might have a bit of pull now. In all honesty, Dana literally said, I'm changing shit up. we'll be back here. He said all the UK kids, half will be on in October in Fight Island,

the other half will be back in England. And I will wait for that because I'm one or two big wins away from the title. Right, I think we need to go and support Molly, don't we? Can we go to Paris as well? Can we go to anywhere? I love the PSG games I went to the

Classique what is it yeah I can't be going to Paris twice in a year I'm going to be there on the 28th of May with Dennis

with him are you getting married as well what are you going have you got a gig there no Saturday the 28th of May is Champions League final wait hold me in it

you might not what's one of those no can we go though No, Saturday the 20th is Champions League final. We're normally in it, you see. You might not. What's one of those? No, can we go though? Seriously. I'm the one that, you always go, right, we're going to the moon.

Fucking Tuesday. And I'm like, what are you on about? But we've got to go, haven't we? Well, the next one, like me and Paddy was literally talking football stadiums,

like just for our mates, family and friends, we'd need Goodison or Anfield. Do you know what I mean? Anfield, right. The hole of the cup. Cousin, cousin, cousin. Girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend.

Cousin. Yeah. So here's a question for you. I don't want to do too much on the footy wind-up stuff because I just... My best mate's an Everton fan I'm going to the

girls game tonight oh yeah where is it Wally Hall Park because Alex Greenwood plays for Man City now she's a Scouse and she's playing

so more to go and see Alex than the girls but I'll go so here's my question you're a die hard Everton fan like you bleed it and i've seen that what did i do in my past life to deserve it my question is let's say the ufc in the summer of next year or the year after and you and paddy have had a few more wins i'd still fight in

goodison if that's what you'd say. Up Anfield. No, it's not even about fight, because I know you'd fight there, because you know it's, on a night like that, football's out the window in a lot of ways. I know you're going to fight there and take that unbelievable event. Would, so like, I imagine your family are Everton fans?

More Liverpool. Oh, are they? Same in my family. I was going to ask imagine your family are Everton fans? More Liverpool. Oh, are they? Same in my family. I was going to ask what your family would be like, stud on the cop or stud? Well, do you know, I used to play football for Liverpool. Oh. Yeah, I'd done about three or four seasons for the women.

How? Can I, again, not from Liverpool, bit of a noob. I don't understand how this works. Are you, like, groomed like Al-Qaeda to be an Everton fan? You play for Liverpool, all your family are Liverpool fans, and some Evertonian was like, come to this side, you'll be fine. How old were you? Because our lives got parallels. I played for Liverpool three years as well.

2006 to 2009. How old are you there? It was the women's team. Pause a second. He knows I did I knew But he didn't I went to meet Lib Poole

Tried on an Everton kit Like Rooney Because Rooney did that You played for Liverpool For three years Yeah And I did it in an Everton kit Bullshit

What are you talking about He's not talking like 2009 What year was you I was seven Eight eight, nine. Age, years of age. We're a similar age. We're 30 or 31.

I'm 31. Yeah, so mine was 16 to 19. If you're listening and watching at home, am I on glue? Why have you never mentioned you played for Liverpool in the youth set up? You've seen me last four months. I don't like to brag about it

to be honest but Everton at the time was the better women's team and I wasn't good enough but I just wanted to represent the city and myself and to be honest egg mayo. Can I just say, when you hiccup when you hiccup

it made me laugh So much And in my head I was like Oh you're pissed already Dan My eyes gone like that Oh what Give me one more Uno mas

One more What's in there Hey kid Where's me eye drops I'm glad you were looking For eye drops in your bag I know you have a lot Trying to get me there

Get on me so were you fighting at the same time as you were playing footy I was boxing then you were boxing so I literally went to college

in the day at Liverpool Community College on Voxy playing footy boxing in the evenings and then waking in the subway doing it all

you worked with Stee yeah I remember your face Yeah yeah yeah See it's a small world They worked together Was I your Of course they did

Because I'm team lead Because it's one of the biggest cities in Europe Of course they did Was he Was I your team leader when you came? Was he You were a team leader That's why she's called to me for

What's a sandwich artist Shut That's why she's called to meball Shut That's why she's called the meatball Shut the fuck up What do you mean? Your nickname Is not Molly the meatball Because you did the meatballs

Thank god you weren't Bread slicer because it's not a good nickname Molly the bread slicer She asks you what type of bread you like it's not a foot long lad I'm not wrong now am I that's why you called the meatball I used to do the night shifts and then go to the gym

the next morning and Paul Rim was like you fucking proper haban cheese bread stink and that and then they just called me the meatball not even it's like the meatball. Yeah. Why are you looking at me like I'm surprised? I thought she was Molly May about a month ago.

I know. You know what? We know we joke about Cody Covington. Who the fuck's that? I'm not 100% what his real name is. You know what we were doing at Hallgate? Get on me, lads. Maz the lad.

Mad that lad. I don't really what Colby Covington's name is Colby Don't tell me it's funnier Chuggington Dan has got literally zero interest In combat sports at all And he likes to You know you can talk about a sport

And sound like you know what you're talking about Just from reading Twitter yeah just keep it off the ground keep it off the ground keep it off the ground because Kobe Kobe Paddington Bear has got it

ground and pound you've got to watch for his ground and pound well that's a fact but that's none of my business but I tell you what it's got a hell of an engine on him he doesn't gas.

Good tank. Great tank. I am pissed. I'm pissed. I apologise. I can tell your cheeks have gone red. One of the biggest guests we've had recently and I'm drunk.

I know, well, lads, I thought if I do one more, I reckon I'd be the same. Do you want to do one more? Yeah, come on now. Have you got one more? Yeah, come on then. Have you got one more? No, that's the last. We've got a full bottle, lately.

Oh my God, do we have as well? I can't do- I'm trying to figure out four of them. I'm going to be poorly. I'm going to be sicky, sicky, jajabicky. You don't know me, I'm not Bill Foddy. The Comedan Pussyhole Nightingale. Oh, go on, Dan.

Just do it. Salute. All the way. All the way. Here's to Cuddly Cubbington. Fucking smashed it. I felt like it was a sippy one, that last one. Do you ever get...

You know what you... Drink it now, you absolute vagina. Oh, no. Shit house. You're getting called a shit house where somebody could smash your head in. Just do it I think I'll

Stee can you just double check The focus on the camera for us Sorry It's alright I think I'll be like Jamie Webster I'll get that fucking Guitar out in a minute I'll be on a three day

Benz In a minute won't I It says It says fuck off Elton John On that guitar Oh no To eight Elton John He was

We were up against him In the race for Christmas number one Oh And he beat us I mean it was definitely Lad baby that was the problem But for some reason No. To race Elton John? We were up against him in the race for Christmas number one. Oh. And he beat us. I mean, it was definitely Lad Baby that was the problem. But for some reason, we really went hard on Elton John. Fuck you, Elton. What was the number one?

Elton John and Lad Baby. We public. Sausage rolls, bollocks. We were going for Christmas number one. We finished 112th. At least he made the charts. No, we sold the fourth most. We sold the fourth most in the entire country.

How much money did you make? About five grand. For charity as well, Zoe's Place. What was it? Christmas number one's like UFC. It's not the purses that people think it is. It's really not, you know. At least to get royalties.

What did the UK top 40 say? do you think you're getting that again at least lads lads finish that or i will do you're told you can't be doing shots covid it's not safe i need you to make fight island you can do it you can do it come on you can do it that's so rape. You can do it. You can do it. Come on. You can do it. That's so rapey. You can do it. Do it. Go on. Go on. Oh, you're so sad. I am going to do it shortly. Do it.

Stop it. Do it. Come on, Dan. It's a hurt. He's not having any tacos. It's a hurt. You're not having your tacos until you finish your patrone. I just want to tell my wife I love you so much.

I'm going to be doing admin until about 10. Admin. And I think it's going to be... Shall we have a short interval? Yes! And we'll come back with some of our listener questions. Who fancies a nap? Get on me. What's happening, ladies and gentlemen?

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He's getting sozzled. I love your face, but I nearly slapped it then. I'm just saying. We've asked our listeners, we told them you were coming on because we wanted specific questions. Because we know. Because we wanted specific questions for you. We've got a few.

I'm going to fire a few of some quite quickly. And there's one in particular, which might take a bit more unpacking. So the first one is similar to when Paddy was first on his couch. We were discussing, and Dan wasn't here then, we were discussing potential nicknames for everyone in the room if we were fighters. I was wondering if you could help us.

For example, if Dan was going to be an MMA fighter, just from the brief time you've spent with him today what nickname would you give Dan? Can I just tell you what I like Molly? The White Hammer. Dan the White Hammer Nightingale. The Seal. Not a big hammer

but I'd give it a good go for three, three and a half minutes. Lawrence. Dan Florence Nightingale. You little one. He helps people. You fucker. He'll put you in hospital, but then he'll fucking look after you once you're there.

If you've been injured in the Crimean War, I'll help. Stop being, drinking all your beers out. Stop calling me Florence. me florence this is why you've been oh can i be the machine then and then we're florence and the machine No. No. The dark days are over. Happiness hits her like a kick in the... What about Carl? What are you reckoning on, Carl? Which one, you? Me. Yeah, which one?

You look like Damascus Zorro. Okay, I'll be that. Zorro? El Zorro, yeah. Taking that, you know. Carl, that's way too nice. Rod's staying in the corner. Sorry, what just happened?

Molly, what just happened? You're gay. You're gay, right? And you just went, you look like the mask of Zorro. I know he's good looking, but he's not fucking questioning your sexuality good looking. Mate, I'll take Zorro. No, no, we finished. Of course you'll take Zorro.

I'm fucking Florence. If I could finish this shot, I'd do it angrily What about Steve? He could be another subway related one What's your last name? It's the wolf Steve the Till Wolford Steve do you want a cookie with that?

Wolford No what like wood baked I call him the wolf Like a car Oh wow where's that from l11 kid it sounds like it's from st ellen's isn't it the wolford it's gonna be the wolf oh my god i wrote i remember doing the rotors, putting your name on. Whoa.

And Finn's our final one as well. So Finn, pass the mic to Finn for us. Pass the mic. So Finn is a musician. He's from Rhyl, but his dad's Turkish. Really? Yeah. He's one of a kind, mixed race.

Oh, and he's got a massive finger. Do some fucking damage to damage that girl wouldn't it could deal with all your girlfriends in one go with that couldn't you yeah send six more i still got eight inches of finger left here. Fucking hell, Finn's finger. He's the Turkish delight. Yeah. Yeah.

I'll take it. I'll take it. Mate, nailed it. How is everyone's, the wolf, Turkish delight, and the Zorro, and I'm Florence. And the machine. Fucking racist. Florence and the machine, I wear.

You're not the machine. I'm the machine, bro. I like that. One more, one more, one more. Yes. We've gave Molly her own shot glass now. I've got to drive. I've got to drive us all to Liverpool.

Oh, really? Yeah. I've had a couple of pints. That's fine. I'll be doing my drinking. We're going to see a little Mexican in a bit. I remember. The Mexican bell a bit. I remember. The Mexican bell.

I remember going to, I watched the Cortinas on a Friday. No, a Saturday, and I was drinking from seven till about three in the morning. Got picked up at four in the morning to go to Brentford away. Didn't stop drinking the whole way and the whole way back.

And I remember this man on the coach, he literally went, you're so fucking robust. I went, what do you mean? He went, you just haven't fucking stopped and you're still standing. I went, I'll be in the gym tomorrow as well, lad. And he couldn't get over it. Do you know my favourite thing about that, Molly? There's about seven women on the planet

who would take robust as a compliment. Cheers, lad. Cheers, lad. Sheehoof number one. You're robust as fuck. cheers lad cheers lad she hulk number one you're robust as fuck oh my god thank you

what was that one we used to play with the javelin yeah but there's only about seven I don't know what I mean she fat fat my whiplash

fat my whiplash she was robust I loved that I'm robust thanks lad me stop it go away lad I've got to get off

God you've got an engine, girl. I know I am, yeah. Fucking hell. Molly McCann, another question. If there is ever a movie made about your life, a biopic, the meatball Molly McCann biopic, who are you choosing to play the lead role? The Russian spy herself Jodie Can never say her last name right

Komi Jodie Kobi Jodie Komi Jodie Korma, what a woman Jodie Covington Honestly She's got a great engine I tell you what, you don't want to get on the ground Great ground game Used to be a wrestler Honestly No she's a blue She's got a great engine Great engine

I tell you what You don't want to get on the ground Great ground game Used to be a wrestler Just wants to make Liverpool great again Scouse superstar Jodie Comer

Oh could you imagine What the scene in Subway I don't comprehend And I don't do the till No do you You don't know The story of what I done once In Subway This one once in Subway?

This one time in Subway, I was doing a night shift. I took a footlong. I know. It was four in the morning. And this girl's... It's a real serious story. This girl's... Fuck off.

Dead serious. Can everyone stop laughing? Molly wants to be serious. Dead serious. No, more laughter. Sorry. Stop. It's not a funny podcast. This wants to be serious. Dead serious. No, more laughter. Sorry. Stop, it's not a funny podcast. This girl's walked in and she can't speak.

She's everywhere and her bag's open. Like me on any Saturday night walking out of 54. And she's walking, I was going to say the bar, she's walking to the head of the line. Shut up. I'm in a lesson. And I go, what can I get you love and she's trying to speak

this lad's walked in behind her and he's put his arm round her and I went lad he's gone what

I said what's your name he wasn't he wasn't from England I think he was Ethiopian in the end no because I was saying it

in a Scouse accent that wasn't his accent I know but that's so specific Isn't it Hang on No we told Are you Ethiopian I can spot my fucking

No You've got mogger tissue Bolo We're Classic moggo No the police told me Yeah yeah yeah Yeah

Right So I've gone What's your name He's gone What do you mean But not in Scouse What do you mean And I go Be sick and be dead And he's gone He's gone, what do you mean? But not in Scouse. What do you mean?

And I go... What do you mean, mum? He goes, what do you mean? I said, what's her name? He said... He went, why are you the busiest? I went, no, but what's her name? Because I thought, he's got... She's got...

An Ethiopian saved busiest. What are you, the busiest? Lad? Lad? same busies what are you the busies lad lad you can't even cut bread no I don't know stop saying this anyway

don't want to get cancelled so anyway he's gone who are you the busies I've gone no I said

get the fuck away from it he's going you're fucking grass and all that I was going what are you going on about so anyway he gets on the phone I'm thinking, get the fuck away from it. He's going, you're fucking grass and all that. I was going, what are you going on about?

So anyway, he gets on the phone. I'm thinking, oh, what the fuck's going on here? So he's put his arm around this girl and tried to drag the girl out the shop. And I went, do you know who this is? Do you know who this is? And she can't speak. She's going, no.

So what's that thing, like, that we used to put the bread on into the oven? A tray, like the scoop thing. The scoop tray. I've just ran after him with that, right? B that we used to put the bread on into the oven? A tray. The scoop thing. The scoop tray. I've just ran after him with that, right? Boom, tried to hit him. Anyway, I'm outside the shop and you can just see me and him,

like, on the camera. They've got actual footage. He's gone to head kick me. I've moved out the way. Fucking leg kicked him, dropped him. The busies have come and took him. Mate, that Ethiopian picked the wrong subway staff

to try and have a mix. Imagine if he'd have picked Steve. My girl would be dead. Who are you, the busies? No, but here's the best thing. The busies took me and we had to go make a statement. He was only a sex trafficker who'd rang lads to come in the car to pick her up

because the lads have all come outside the car pick her up. Because the lads have all come outside the car, outside the subway and the busies have got them. He only got, I was going to have to go to court over it and everything. He only got sent back. He was an illegal resident in England. And I literally saved that

girl's life from getting drugged, sex trafficked. Sick. You can't hear it. Back to the players. And that's not to say there are a year's life from getting drugged, sex trafficked. Sick. You can't hear it off the back of your ears. And that's not to say there are not some lovely Ethiopians knocking about. Famously. But apart from that one,

there was a sex trafficker. Yeah, but how mad is that? He tried to kick you in the head as well. Yeah, because he was like, what was he doing? But I knew. Women into Russian, something was telling me. And they basically said it was a big one but i knew so like women into russian something was telling me and they basically said it's a big it was a big gang thing where they've been dropping stuff into people's drinks and then watching them yeah and where they go yeah can you imagine how like obviously and it's

a good thing and this is a story that's on like mma publications this isn't like a lie this is like genuine but like no I don't know why you could lie like that but I'm just saying can you imagine like let's say that guy's in prison now

right and he's in in there and he's he's like yeah I don't really know what happened I was trying to

get this girl out of Subway and trying to head kick one of the members of staff she punched me I didn't and then

they turned the telly on and it's UFC London and he's like that's it that was the one yeah and everyone's going kick one of the members of Stash, punch me, I think. And then they turn the telly on. And then they're like, whack! UFC London, and he's like, that's it, that was the one, yeah? And everyone's going,

yeah. Oh, it is. Everyone's like, why didn't you just head kick her? Another question we had was, is there ever any concern, and I'm sort of paraphrasing this one, for, like, the knockout you had this weekend, was is there ever any concern and I'm sort of paraphrasing this one for like

the knockout you had this weekend I've never seen many people never mind a woman in combat sports hit the canvas like that if you go and watch

the knockout which I believe is available on YouTube you'll be able to find it it's on any Instagram anyway the girl's eyes look like the undertaker

from wrestling I said the same thing I shouldn't say it but yeah no you look they're white she's she's out sharon just pause this bit yeah sharon pause it she's being mean she's being me when you do that that's by the way i mean that's patrone now joan joe sounds is it Please make Just make it Because if you can do If you can do Paddy good

Eat shit Egg male You're going to be a song He made Paddy a remix Oh Adam No listen I was sat there Egg male

He went Fuck off He came into the gym The other day And said to Paul Oh does Molly need A taekwondo coach? And she was like, no, I think she's okay, you know.

I was like, I could not. I could not have a song about me like that. I could not. Every day. Proper hard. No, it's going to be like a remix of you saying Egg Mayo. Is it? Yeah, I already know it exists.

But the question I've got for you is, do you ever have any concern so when you see that i'm not saying immediately because obviously the euphoria takes over and you've won and you couldn't give a fuck in that moment and all you care about is you've won but the next day the day after when you see replays of that and i there'll be absolutely no judgment from me either way because as far as i'm concerned if you're in an MMA bout you're signing up to get knocked out like that well you're signing a thing saying if you die

it's not their fault do you know what I mean is there any concern and empathy from you three years ago when I won my first fight in the UF she

the girl broke my eye broke my orbital and I broke her elbow and we both seen each other the day after and hugged each other and just cried

like it was like respect like weird I think we genuinely lost a bit of life in that fight both seen each other the day after and hugged each other and just cried. Like, it was, like, respect. Like, I think we genuinely lost a bit of life in that fight. Do you know what I mean? Like, it was 15 minutes of concussive brain trauma, to be honest with you. Like, there and then, because she had come all this way and lost, I was devastated for it. But you know it could have been you.

Listen, and if it weren't she'd done moody nitty things in that fight anyway so I was a bit like fuck you over but in that last one I didn't think about it because I didn't think I was capable of cancelling someone out do you know what I mean I hit her it was just literally I just looked at her

and gone whoa and then thought where the fuck's Dana? I'm getting them 50 bags. And then it was only after when my boxing coach, Joe, was like fucking simmered down and then I seen her and I was like, what? So I sat on my knees next to her. I'm not sure if you've seen it.

And then I was like, I remember holding her foot and then it just like didn't move. And I knew she was alive, but I thought, fuck, she's completely exhausted from the fight and then just just like didn't move and I knew she was alive but I thought fuck she's she's completely exhausted from the fight and then just got like Mick Conland

do you know what I mean it was just like that sent for the echo sent to the shadow realm you know what you try the

try the Scouse reference there don't watch it like in Liverpool that's the people in comedy there's a camaraderie between comics. Like if you

say in comedy when I knock someone out they stay knocked out. He's the machine. He'd know. What about Florence? But like if you see a comic, if you see a comic anywhere like there's a camaraderie because you're one of the, like genuinely in this country maybe 500

600 professional comedians, that's a little, that's like, you might have a few people that you don't like, or whatever, you've bumped heads with, but genuinely,

you go, oh, you're a comic, you're alright. Is there that with UFC, or is the fact that you're, like, literally pitted, like, if you're... That girl who I fought,

normally used to see me have it with someone at the weigh-ins. I, like, when we got announced I scoped her instead and I thought nah this girl's cool she's like relaxed chilled like you're seeing

her she's smiling giving it all that so I didn't have no harsh words or nothing to say and in the last round we'd give each other we'd give it to each other for 10 minutes so I hugged her. Yeah you hugged at the start didn't you? I hugged her I went do you want to touch gloves I said come here gives us like give it a hug let's get back to work like i can't respect i can respect a person in the cage can't show them respect until after it's finished

because they will beat me when i haven't scoused it like i always say like i'm a scouser and when i go into a fight i have to be a scouser if it be I always say, like, I'm a scouser. And when I go into a fight, I have to be a scouser. If I be too reserved and too polished off and too humble, then they beat me. So you have to get, not hating, you have to get ruthless. I have to get ruthless. You see me pacing up and down. Like, when I walk to that cage, I'm taking shackles off.

Everything that weighs me down in life, I'm getting rid of that. When I get in there, I'm'm going you'll know when you do comedy when you're expressing yourself and something flows and you've got them and you know you've got them and the crowd are on it and you're just thriving off it

and you can go punchline, punchline, punchline that's like me dropping my guard going go on then slip, slip bam do you know what I mean it's that same I'm telling you

now you'll understand with that analogy. Like, when you've got them belly laughing and like, that's like when I've just knocked a sparker when everyone's going, oh my God! When I watch all the reactions and you see Nick, Pete and Adam Catherall who've followed me for the last eight years and you see them going, what the fuck is that?

I was like, I'm Scouse Jesus now. Do you know like they call Masvidal Street Jesus? I am Scouse, well, Our Lady. I'll be Scouse Our Lady. Do you know the difference with comedy though is, it's, you're never up against another comic. So that feeling is you against the crowd. So on that night, on the circuit.

That's the only performance art where you're graded by like a clap, really. Do you know what I mean? Like they can boo you off and it can absolutely do you forever. I also would slightly disagree with you when you're on your way up. As much as there is a camaraderie

with all the team and we want to put a show on, we've discussed before, if I'm like, so not that you'll totally be aware of this in comedy forget the compare for a second you've got the open of the middle and the headliner the middle act is the least experienced or the least respected on the bill normally the start one's got to get them warm yeah so it normally goes middle opener and then

the headliners you're trying to be the best you're trying to climb that ladder if i was in the middle when i was coming up i wanted everyone to have a good gig but i wanted to make everyone else and if i was opening i wanted to make it so that the middle couldn't be the best on the bill because that's how you move up to headliner you do so well at the start that even the middle which is the easiest spot yeah but but the headliner can do well and you can better them and you progress in fighting someone has to lose yeah like yeah that's it so that's the good thing and what's the honest and genuine thing about me and patrick he's a man i'm a woman there's different weight categories and the demographic that we appeal to are the same yeah so it's like there's no jealousy between us ever because there's no need for it

yeah do you know what i mean um that sort of brings us on to the next question which is something i really want to get your insight on which we got from alistair thompson and it says it's on the subject agenda in sports it says what does molly think of the current issue in the news of trans athletes competing in women's sports? Obviously, it's a complicated issue, so it would be nice to get the insights of someone who is a woman competing in combat sports who is also a member of the LGBT community.

Yeah, as an ally, I'd always want the best and the most fairest... I know it's a hard one to answer. No, and I will because I have before but I like we said before everyone has a podcast I had one in Covid called Coffee with a Chance of Meatballs

I spoke to a transgender wrestler who was transitioning from a female to a male. Now, they'd done this at a young age, but they still wasn't allowed to wrestle against boys. They had to wrestle against girls.

So I forget his name now, but I sent the questions over and they was going to do it, but then anyway, I had to fight, so I couldn't do the podcast. But what I did know is you can understand and empathize and realize that person isn't me wasn't made that way so they have to transition and they change i can appreciate that but if you're doing a combat sport or a sport that is measured within strength, or something where you would have an advantage just because you were born a boy, then I don't get it. You can't do...

I don't think it's fair. So I don't think a man of 22 can transition to being a woman and then compete in my sport when they are fully developed as a man. Because they've had the advantages of... It's not just the current testosterone which can be levelled out.

It's the advantage that puberty and the male puberty and what that does to your muscle mass and your bone density and your weight and your ability to be a stronger athlete. When it's something like horse racing or something like snooker and darts and shooting and other different Olympic sports, I can get it.

But if it's something like shot put, a combat sport, a race, there's a reason. Or a sport where the other person can get hurt, badly hurt. Yeah. And I do think you can have a conversation about it and it should be okay and we shouldn't be attacked for having an opinion

on what we're talking about now. We shouldn't be. And I don't know if I might, but I just don't think that's fair. I was supposed to fight two years ago today or two years ago a few days time on UFC London and it was the last thing that got cancelled

before the world just completely shut down, I was supposed to fight a girl called Ashley Evans-Smith now she's a woman who beat a trans person called Fallon Fox so a man who transitioned to a woman they had to fight a promotion in America a trans person called Fallon Fox. So a man who transitioned to a woman, they had to fight and a promotion in America

let the fight happen and she actually beat, she bulldogged, choked Fallon and won. And I remember when I had to fight, I thought, oh, for fuck's sake, she's got some bollocks on her.

Like, because she, well, no pun intended, but she does. She fought a lot. Is that how it works? No, no. They win then. Yeah, no pun intended, but she... She fought a lot. Is that how it works? No. They win then. Yeah, no, but she beat someone who transitioned,

and Dana signed here straight to the UFC. So just for record, Ashley wasn't the fighter that transitioned. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we got it. Yeah, yeah, just in case someone... I think... Could you just pull the mic a little bit closer? I can.

Oh, I'll sit forward like that this issue which he keeps doing that you can't hear it but Molly for three times has gone

egg me up and it's this issue is something that is going to keep coming up because

me and Carl sort of mentioned this on the way here in the car the the fight for equality for trans people which everyone in this room and i imagine everyone in your world is a hundred percent behind is if if someone transitions from being a man into a woman that as far as they're concerned as a trans person and the trans community and I've read up a lot about this because I've done jokes in the past that have involved trans people and stuff,

and I always want to be on the right side of the line. I'm happy to be a wind-up as long as I'm on the right side of the line with it. The fight for equality is if I become a woman, I am a woman. There is no debate about it. I am as much of a woman as Molly McCann is, and I should be treated as such. So with that as the argument for equality,

when they're going into sports, as far as they're concerned, I'm a woman. If I'm the same weight as Molly, I should be able to fight Molly. They're just physiologically different. A hundred percent. And everything you've just said before,

I am a thousand percent on the same a whole everything you've just said before i am a thousand percent on the same page as because i feel and look i'm a cis white man who is got a ridiculously privileged life and i accept that and my opinion on this really doesn't matter which is why i wanted to put the question to you and not chip in before you completely finish what you had to say this is an obvious problem in that argument when it comes towards trans equality is when it comes to the physiological advantages you get from being a male that goes through puberty and the stuff that does to your muscle mass and your bone density and all those things and it could do steroids 18 19 20 training training like before that transition could use growth hormone

and then make the transition I'm telling you now there are if we change that rule there are countries out there who would make their

athletes train and change and go through the change just to win gold medals I am telling you that mouthful. A fact.

There'd be some big girls in China. Hey, Lao Ming's looking good at six foot seven. That might not get clipped out. That might not get clipped out. Thank you for answering that question because I know it's a complicated one. But I always think people need to be able to stand up Mae hynny'n dda. Diolch am ateb y cwestiwn, oherwydd rwy'n gwybod ei fod yn un cymhleth. Ond rwy'n meddwl bod pobl bob amser yn rhaid i ni allu sefyll a siarad am y mathau hyn, ffobïaeth, rhesym a threfiadau trwnd a gwahaniaeth ac ati.

Ac os ydych chi'n ei ddweud yn anghywir, mae'n rhaid i chi gael eich pwynt a'ch syniad a'i gwella a'i ddweud yn gyffredinol. Wel, nid wyf yn deall hynny nawr. Ond rwy'n meddwl bod pobl yn rhywbeth yn sgwyd i gael syniad arno. hands up okay well i didn't understand that now i do so to me but i think people are too scared to even have an opinion on it now so thanks for having seen the question well i appreciate it i think to close the episode off i think can we get the last bit of a shot oh you can have another shot molly help yourself okay you do whatever you want to do it's maddening it's maddening that someone that's literally living that life in your profession

you're saying you've done this for 20 years 20 years and you've lived this life and that you have to very politely say thank you

for being allowed to have an opinion on something that this like social politics so many people having an opinion on it

and they never have to live with the threat of getting smacked in the face and you were so you were so articulate and and and polite about thank you for letting me have an opinion fuck if if if you can't have an opinion on this who the fuck is allowed an opinion on this some people are too afraid to have a conversation about an awkward... Yeah. Like, it's an awkward question, do you know what I mean?

It's like the birds and the bees, like, oh, God, we need to have that kind of conversation. No, but the... People have got militant about what's right and what's wrong. And the people I agree with are sometimes the scariest. The left has become scarier than the right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I, in theory, agree with all of their progressive ideas. But my God,

they've got militant about policing them. And like, if you do not agree with the very extreme of this moderate, like, theory, then you're the problem.

Egg male. So to end on... Can we flip it back to the other bit of advice because Molly's gay egg male are you gay

100% I just want to thank you for the question that we asked in the first half I want a little bit of insight from an egg male sorry lesbian this is from off. Yeah. I want a little bit of insight. I want a bit of insight from an egg mayo. Sorry, lesbian. That is a really good one, actually, yeah. Hey, this is from... Can I just, can I

paraphrase it? I think that'll, because our listeners have heard the question. So basically, someone wrote in, she's a heterosexual woman, she's in a relationship with a fella. I'd have fucking read her. And before they settle down and have kids and stuff, they've agreed that they're going to have a threesome with a girl.

Right? And she's worried she's going to be dreadful with the girl. Oh, God. And she asked us what should she do to calm her nerves. My advice was to get herself down to G-Bar and get a fucking pre-seasoning. What would your advice be to this woman who is about to have

her first girl on girl experience oh my god well I'll tell you all you should just do is think what would you like your fella

or husband or anyone you've ever slept with to do to you just do to them go and put a wash on in the bedroom You dickhead

Oh that's an angry egg meal Some lads don't have a clue But we said the same thing We were all like Some gays wouldn't know Wouldn't know what to do With a man Do you know what I mean

So as a woman You wouldn't know How to please yourself So we'll just do that It's exactly what we said. Even though, like, if we had to suck it. Well, I had to have about six vodkas before I did. I was like that.

Oh, my God. So what? Before her first lesbian experience. Before my first lesbian experience. Six vodkas. You had to go to Revolutions and get the full rack. You had to get a rack. I was so nervous, yeah.

Right. Maybe she said to that. Yeah. the yeah but then you need to know that your cope is mentis and you're all right to do the meaning you're not like it's not rape i mean that's a good point but i'm glad you made that joke because i don't think we're allowed and i thank you for letting us make this joke. Egg meal. So you don't want to do the last one? I'm so drunk. Can we not? I want to do it.

It's not there. Why is it not there? I think it's deleted. Don't be fucking... Why would you not go? Where is it? Dan's bladder. I'm done.

I'm so done. Romeo done. I've loved this. We haven't even gone out yet. Don't give a shit if you're on Fight Island or Las Vegas or fucking gay Paris. We're coming.

We're absolutely... Can we go out? What about G-Bar Car Park on Sunday? Yeah! Oh, do you want a little bit of this? In a fucking G-Bar Car Park! Hold me back! Cheers or not!

I'm not doing it. Final question before we leave and we wrap up. If you had to fight any of us, who would you pick? Oh no. Oh no, you've got it. Oh no.

I tell you what, I've got it. I've got it. Are you going to be this? You fucking Lube Island bastard. Come on now. Come on now. Do you like ducks? Do you like ducks?

Do you like ducks? I like ducks. For the audio listeners, she pointed at Daniel. All right, for the audio listeners, 2022, you pube. I'm done. Hey, Molly, listen.

See you in the octagon. Get on me. Molly, we have about a quarter of a million weekly listeners now. Oh, do you? And we would like them all, for those who already don't follow you, to do so.

So where can they find you on Twitter, Instagram and all the other places? All of it is at me poor Molly. Okay. Get a fuck. What's he doing here? He's getting his chippy tits. Get on the meatball, Molly. Don's getting his chippy tits. What are you doing? Get on the meatball.

Don't touch his tits. That's a privilege. He had to earn it. You going Jamaican? Can we wax that for charity? Can we just wax it for Sunday? Madre, get the wax stription. It's going off.

Meatball Molly on all social media. If this is your first time listening to the podcast and you've found us via Molly, listen to the other episodes. There's episodes with Paddy. There'll be more

MMA fights on in the future. And this is what we do. It's unadulterated comedy bollocks. He is often topless by the end of the episode and I'm going on tour

well I'm on tour at the minute there's not many tickets left but you can get tickets at adamrode.co.uk forward slash shows his tickets are at danielingale.com

I've cancelled the tour I'm on fire island don't leave me in you fucking prick it's very very rarely me that is holding the episode together isn't it come the end.

That's because you're driving home. It literally is. It literally is. I'm going to take us all for a Mexican. Thank you very much, as always, for listening. We're going to start bringing the music back at the end of the episode. How do you like me now? Molly's had eight shots.

Dan's had six. How do you like me now?