Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #174 with Shane Todd - Have A Word w/Adam & Dan

Episode Date: May 30, 2022

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Now, I'm getting the word, nuts. Oh, you think darkness is your ally? Cha! Upset me, nasty bitch! Disgusting! Wag wag leads, you're listening to the funniest podcast in the game with Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn. Shut up, Finn.

You good-looking, big-fingered Welsh weirdo. This is the one and only, the now infamous, the soon-to-be legendary, have a word. Go, Ed, get on me. I think I'm going to learn a second language. How can I be surprised? How can it be making me laugh? Of course.

Of course, of course course go for it where you going mandarin no portugues spanish i think oh espanol or french i think they're the two most useful ones why why where you going france spain with french spain's well useful yeah because there's loads of people chatting that shit and also also, French helps you in France and in Canada. Yeah. Yeah, it does. There's no point in learning, like, Belgian. Belgian, the famous Belgian language.

Ah, the amount of time. I actually learned Belgian for the first three years of school. Do they speak French? Speak French, German, and Flemish. Yeah. But also Belgian. I did three years. It was great.

And then we stopped being... Hang on. They speak French and German, like a combo. They all know both. It's a match. Franco-Germans, it's called. I'll tell you what,

if I'm going to make up a language name, got to do better than that. Franco-Germans. So do they all speak both? No. So half of them speak French, half of them speak German. Ah, Belgium's not a language name. Got to do better than that. Franco-Germage. So do they all speak both? No. So half of them speak French, half of them speak German. Ah, Belgium's not a real country.

I'm throwing out there waffle-making cretins. You're like fucking, like a little genital wart right in the middle of fucking Europe. Don't even get me started on Luxembourg, those fucking continental Tories. it's they're just like you know they're one of their middle bits these countries aren't they i don't know they don't have their own language so french will help me in belgium as well french will help and a lot of

africa because they colonize that yeah french guyana yeah the cote d'Ivoire Yeah The Ivory Coast I wouldn't recommend it I don't Don't think it's not like Hello It's good to be here In the Cote d'Ivoire

Ah Yes And the warlords Would be like Oh shut the law Put down The machine guns Everyone

We were going to Be bandits Toward him But no it's fine He can be one of us now. You'd make a really good African bandit, I think. Right, great. So what are you doing?

Rosetta Stone? Do it at home? Bars. What? Are you going to a class? Duolingo? On your phone? That's a thing.

I just thought of Dua Lipa and her many, many supper last holes. I haven't quite thought through that fire. I think you pay a... We're doing all right. Just hit 14,000 patrons. Merci beaucoup. French. pay a we're doing all right just hit 14 000 patrons merci beaucoup french and i think you should get yourself a a private private language teacher yeah talking instructor yeah a french coach i do want to do it in person i think it'll be easier i don't think i'll do it on the app i

think i'll just end up on instagram so i think i need to like hire someone and i go to their little office and they're like hello come in i did you the spanish yeah yeah the old spanish language office on that on Matthew Street? There must be one in town Hello There must be one in town Yes Yeah Just find the Mexican quarter

Maybe we could do Like a A swap deal Where I don't pay for it I teach them English And they teach me Spanish Oh yeah Yeah

I mean they've got A class That they teach But they want to pick up A few extra You could teach them Scouse I could do What languages

Did you do languages in school? German Yeah For three years And then French to GCSE Do you remember any of it? We've done it on the podcast Danke

I mean Gainze immer gerade aus Go straight on That's always been in my head Apparently it's very formal And I do it weirdly camp against the emigrados the rat house

is the town hall that's rat house and the Jugendherberge but as we know I'm a nonce and I'm not allowed in youth hostels so the Jugendherberge

is that's the only bits I remember really so you'd be fine in Germany if you want as long as I needed a town hall a youth hostel and they were like straight ahead of me

I'm fucking fine holy shit yeah I need a French teacher yeah wasn't as good as that weird little thing my French teacher was my dad's best mate from school when he always gave me a pass on everything it was fucking class Mr Dent

him and my dad had been Bezos at school no he was just he was he literally was just he was counting the clock for retirement he couldn't give a fuck i just loved his style he's like i'm not arsed i don't care also you have my mate's son you can do what you want okay but i gave me a free pass on so many things it's fucking great we did spanish till year nine and then not enough for that. And I think at school when you're learning

a language you don't really give a fuck do you? No. It doesn't seem important. Unless you're an absolute pube. But how good would it be to be able to go on holiday

and just be like dropping bars on these Spanish people do you know what I mean? They're looking at us like they haven't got a fucking clue what's going on here. Honestly.

Una mesa para cuatro, por favor. Oh, shit. That sounds Spanish, ese. I honestly think, I honestly think, if you learn, fuck French, it's gone. French is gone. That's nah, nah, nah.

Nah, nah, nah. Spanish is where it's at. I could see you learning Spanish fluently. There's a whole, like, the whole of South America, or even just... Apart from Brazil, they speak Portuguese. Yeah, Miami or South Side LA. They speak French.

Spanish. Yeah, there's loads of... They said something highly offensive. There's loads of... Spanish people. Cubanos. Puerto Ricans. Oh, yeah yeah You'd look

I think I'm not really asked about them Because they live in Miami So they know English don't they I'm not asked about them Some of them Some of them I think there's

I think they're pretty Spanish Yeah man Yeah Because a lot of them swam there Sounded like I was being racist I wasn't A lot of Cubans Have done the thing to

Miami haven't they In a fucking dinghy Wow It sounds like I'm basically because being racist, I wasn't. A lot of Cubans have done the thing to Miami, haven't they? In a fucking dinghy. Wow, it sounds like I'm basically being an American EDL. I've got really right wing. But no, it's true. There's a huge Cuban, and then there's Mexicans, Puerto Ricans.

One huge Cuban. There was one huge Cuban. Mark. Nice. I am a Cuban. All right, I'm Mark Cuban. Mark. Nice. I am a Cuban. All right. I'm Mark Cuban. I think you could be a drug lord within, I'd say, six weeks.

That's my rough estimate. That's okay. Señor Ro. What do you want to be called? Papi Ro. There's some words I can't say. Papa Ro. Shh.

This is going to be confusing, though, isn't it? What are you going to see live? Papi Roach? No, Papa Roach. We know what Roach is from the lock-in. I was so drunk I pooed my pants, Finn. Cucaracha, isn't it? Cucaracha.

I think you could do really well. Spanish drug lord. Because you don't do the product No You're not into it I could be your private tester But like then Aren't they going to think I'm a fed?

Nah When they're like Scouse lad turns up When they're like yeah I have a line And I'm like I don't do it actually Aren't they going to be like He's a fucking busy him

A lot of the drug dealers I've bought from Don't do drugs Yeah But you haven't been on the Cuban border That is true Do you know what? I am not willing to die on that border A lot of the drug dealers I've bought from don't do drugs. Yeah. But you haven't been on the Cuban border. That is true. Do you know what? I am not willing to die on that border because you're right.

I haven't been on the Cuban border, also known as the coastline. Is this the Cuban border? It's just the beach. Just relax. Chill out. Have an ice pop. Good point. But I think you could get away with not doing the product

you're a businessman now you've got to be smart you've got to get those deliveries over yeah you know anyway genuinely July onwards

at the end of this year oh Spanish I'm going to be fluent I was leaning towards French but I think that's because I'm going to Paris on Saturday so we'll go Spanish

I'll take your advice excellent yeah I'm really looking forward to your journey you know once I've conquered that one I just want to learn

as many as possible I want to be multilingual by the time I'm 40 right what's so okay cool busy 30s

yeah because what I've just been watching you career wise life wise over the last few weeks thinking you need more hobbies

this guy there's not enough to do uh what other languages after spanish that's the exciting thing in it like where do you go oh definitely yeah yeah i can't see any problem i can't wait for you to whip out some arabic oh you would i'd like what would it sound like i think i've said this to you before i'd like to learn like cantonese that when I'm in a chippy, I know when they're slagging me off. You know when you go in a chippy and you know they're like, all these fat prickies in here all the time. Yeah, they're Mexican Cantonese.

Oh, my God. We should really learn Cantonese ourselves. Damn this. We are the famous West Abbey Mexican Cantonese. I hear they are all the time. He's fat, Basar. Look how fat and ugly he is He always order

Some pepper chicken I love you though I'm sure Look this fat fuck over here What did I call you once When you walk in Like oh my god Here's the pension

He's here again Yeah I wanna know When they're slagging me off Yeah Cause I feel like they are So yeah Cantonese Mandarin as well You know Hedge me bets I don't know when they're slagging me off. Yeah. Because I feel like they are. So yeah, Cantonese,

Mandarin as well, you know, hedge me bets. Spanish, Arabic, French. German's a bit pointless, isn't it?

I mean, oh yeah, there's a lot. Germany's alright. Hi Germany. Yeah, but if you don't go to Germany, it's useless, isn't's all right. Hi, Germany. Yeah, but if you don't go to Germany, it's useless, isn't it? Yeah, maybe, yeah. I think Mandarin's a big one, isn't it? Because they're doing pretty well.

Yeah. Good for the inevitable war, though. I just feel like if you knew the inevitable war, oh no. Not Russian. Fucking dirty bastards. I think, genuinely, how good would it be to be that guy who's got five languages if you can't get laid and you can speak in five like oh you just go traveling wouldn't you yeah so good at different it would be good to like meet a girl in a bar

no matter where she's from be able to tell you that you want to pound her pussy it'd be amazing if you knew the language but she was like oh my god you're a pig even though you know exactly how to say it i fucking hate what you're saying there's that guy that guy that does the videos in chinese just always entertains me and they're like what when he's like which is exactly there's actually i learned that didn't want to see what does that mean i didn't want yeah it means uh can i have two first class stamps yes it's just a weird video that i watched yeah but i learned it perfectly because i didn't want to seem racist when redoing it yeah but i just love it when they're like you're watching crouching tiger hidden dragon what crouching tiger

well done carl's not here but you really stepped in stepped in nicely well listen keep us informed be amazing if you could stay single then learn the languages you could box off some pump pump or lost pom-pom from each continent that would be so i've got one of those scratch maps as well you know where you're meant to scratch where you visited it's just not nice imagery is it scratchy scratchy I got a rash here in South America I got a rash here yeah okay

that'd be great you've heard of scratch and sniff but have you heard of sniff then scratch nice I thought you were going to go

scratch and biff ah that's good that was better see we're workshopping we always get it I like it yeah it's good let me know how the

you know the Arab pom pum-pum goes. I'm sure that's going to be a right laugh. It'll be good, though. Oh, yeah. Big fun, isn't it? Yeah. Afghanistan. Those ladies.

Yeah. She's got a bit of a moody ex. Just warning you. So, Finn is controlling the old production. Just about. So, you know, it's going to be late. No, mate. I mean, we're paying pretty good money to other people, but they're not here, are they? so Finn is controlling the old production just about so you know it's going to be late no mate I mean we're paying pretty good money

to other people but they're not here are they no they're not here no and we've never missed an episode apart from when we absolutely have to

if we're in the gigs and what not they're playing football at Goodison aren't they yeah some some friend of a friend has hired Goodison for a couple of hours yeah that's I think it's a charity game that's life isn't it they're raising money for the some friend of a friend has hired Goodison for a couple of hours yeah

that's that's life isn't it they're raising money for the cars going to Barbados fund right they're gonna need

300 grand he likes an expensive holiday I'm so glad they got Steve for the charity match because that must have been massive for them

he's the headline on the poster he's the newly appointed business manager have a word that people aren't sure if he's in shot or not because he's so small and he's at the back yeah he's really gonna help sell some of those charity tickets for a thursday morning at good you know fuck off it's

not it is yeah first game they've sold out all season uh no it is sold out But I don't I don't believe it I don't think They're selling tickets actually So technically it is sold out They just open it up To the homeless

Still homeless people They'll be like Fuck and knock Things aren't that bad I'm going in there Here comes homeless John I'm a fucking rat I'm not going in there

We've got soup Just a fucking soup kitchen While not going in there we've got soup just a fucking soup kitchen whilst Steve and like Steve and Carl are like living out the boyhood dream of playing at Gunnison Carl is going to be

trying so so so hard I would love to watch it he's going to be doing all the step overs all the fancy shit yeah if someone breaks his leg it'd be great

just the two foot of the knee jiggling that fat fat ass yeah PH did you see someone someone said that they'd seen him If someone breaks his leg, it'd be great. Just the two foot of the knee. Jiggling that fat, fat ass. Yeah. PH. Did you see someone said that they'd seen him in town based on his ass? Recognise him from his ass. Someone saw him walking up the street

and knew just by the size of his badonkadonk and how, let's be honest, we've all given it a... It's fucking... It's got its own postcode, that shit. Yeah. Like a fucking... It's own gravity. That ass. We were going, that shit. Yeah. Like a fucking, its own gravity. That ass.

We were going to do a tattoo on his bum, weren't we, at the live show, but Dean didn't have enough ink. Yeah. I'll fucking be an old day lad. I am, I forgot to tell you about, on this week's Patreon, I told you about the weekend in Dublin. I forgot to tell you about the fight I nearly got into last week in Nottingham.

Someone I saw tweeted about it And was like Can't believe you forgot To say about Nottingham And you were like I just Literally just forgot Yeah

But it sounded Eggy So in Nottingham Glee Club Second date there Nice fall Nice Um

There's two lads Who were both Podcast fans So they're probably listening although they might have stopped now um i got there quite late because we've been recording here i had to go straight there so thomas green's gone on and i was there when he went on but i just stayed i didn't watch him i just stayed in the dressing room i come off and i was like how is it he's like yeah he went there was a couple of lads talking but i told him to shut up thomas had said to these two lads look i'll put up with it because it's not my show adam won't so just shut your fucking mouths when he comes on yeah yeah so i go

on and i don't know that that's happened really because i wasn't really listening when i asked him how his gig went yeah it's not as a comic, it's not big enough that Thomas has got to go, mate, I really need to let you know. Sometimes when you get to a gig or someone's done support for you, they're like, right, this is what's happening here. This is what's happening there. I'm never like that into that.

No, okay. I'm not going to be like, okay, I'm not working here, I'm doing my set. But if it was big enough, he'd have gone, mate, you need to, I'm just letting you know that these are a problem. So I get like maybe 15 minutes in and there's two lads and the nottingham glee is fairly well lit from the stage you can see

a lot of the audience and the light bounces off the big white glee at the back and it really lights them up so stage right sort of in the middle of the room like like the middle band, you would call it, I suppose. It's two lads just on the end before an alley in the... Yeah, yeah, yeah. The walkway. I said, lads, what are you talking for? Shut up.

They're like, oh yeah, sorry, mate. Sorry. So then again, about 15 minutes later, irritated for you. About 15 minutes later, I was like,

lads, you're really, really really really doing me I didn't know I can see everyone else around you they all hate you like everyone's going to start

hating you soon just don't or just you know just go and stand by the bar and then you can have a chat

or just leave if you want to leave like there's just no point talking during the show sorry another 10 minutes goes by

and they're talking again and I just do you know when you've had a day? Like you've had a long day. Yeah. Like to be totally honest, the show in Nottingham was brilliant and I really enjoyed it.

Before I went on, if you'd have said to me, we could set the fire alarm off and you don't have to do the show, I'd have gone, yeah, yeah, yeah. Pull the fucking thing. Cause I'd woke up.

It was a long day, wasn't it? We were doing the full. But I'd woke up in London as well so I'd been recording the documentary the full day before woke up in London got to train here

did a full record here with Sarah Keyworth and then I had to go to Nottingham straight from here luckily you didn't have a Spanish lesson but we'll get to that

so I'm just like I'm on stage in trackies and a t-shirt just you know when you just be on giving a fuck you're just like I'm just doing my show right so on stage in trackies and a T-shirt. Just, you know, when you just be on giving a fuck, you're just like, I'm just doing my show, right? So I just wasn't in the mood for them.

So on the third one, I just went, get out. I went, do us a favour and just fuck off. They're like, what? I went, don't act like I haven't already told you twice. And don't act like this is a surprise. I've told you twice already this is the third time get out the fucking gig

I can't be arsed with you if you want to leave now and do it if you want to leave now quietly message me on Instagram or Twitter

I'll give you your money back for your tickets I don't want your money I don't need your money don't ever come to a show again get out the fucking gig in the room of rups because they all hated them

the room was so irritated it's irritating a circuit gig we've just come to see comics you don't know it's a fucking tour show

so the doorman go over and ask them to leave and the fella goes I'm finishing me drink first and the doorman went well you can

finish that downstairs we've got a different bar so they leave carry on do the show show overruns but it doesn't matter

everyone's having a good time good show in the end I finish do a little meet and greet inside the venue take a lot of photos i come out the venue and you know that like big weather spoons next door to the nottingham glee yeah well they're there yeah so i walk out the front door and one of them comes over and he goes mate sorry um can i get a picture and i was like you want Sounds, yeah, let's take the photo.

And Carl's next to me. Carl hadn't seen the thing. He'd stayed in the dressing room this night. So he's the ones who got kicked out. He was like, you're the ones who got kicked out. Why did you get kicked out? And then by this point, his mate had come bounding over. And he went, because this fucking dickhead kicked us out.

I bet you've lost your bottle now and i went i think he expected me he's quite clearly a really tall bulky fella and he's obviously a bit of a bully do you know what i mean yeah but i'd rather lose a fight than run away from one do you know what i mean and shit out so i don't think he was expecting me to do what i did which is go i haven't lost my bottle at all you soft cunt i kicked you out and i will kick you out again and he's like you were trying to save face in front of the audience i went no it was not to do the audience save the show i mean i hated you and that's why i asked you to leave and he's like right right and then

his maid the one who does for the picture starts trying to calm him down and then he starts trying to be a dick but it's really annoying him that it's not getting to me because i'm just like the show's done i feel relaxed as fuck now i've had a long day i want to get back to the jordi's in and all the chinese food right so he went to what was the name he supports that because he was more my thing him and i went thomas green and he went yeah yeah yeah he was shit. Right? And I went, I went, he wasn't shit.

He was brilliant, actually. And that's why he opens for me. And he went, no, no, no. I meant, he's the shit. Like, he was the good one. And I was like, okay, cool. But then they just sort of hung around. So the two door lads, they come over.

And they were like, we're not going anywhere, by the way. He was like, if this kicks off, you've got us. Don't worry about it. Not at all. And then we saw some ways that they didn't leave. So then we left, but the doorman came with us. Oh, my God. And you were worried about some fucking Spanish woman on the front row. It was pissed off that you didn't know the political problems

with the Basque region of Spain. Yeah, but did I not tell you outside, she got a knife out. She was like, this is for ETA. And I was like, what, the Spanish separatist movement? She went,

no, your daughter. And then, you know, she went to stab me. I shot her in the face three times. I carry a gun now, you know, just,

that's not made up. Yeah. Fucking bellwifts. Yeah. So, one of them was, one of them was drunk and talking and then was alright

and realised he'd been a dick and the other one was drunk talking and then tried to throw his weight around and just wasn't ready for the he's probably the plus one

isn't he no they were both podcast fans oh oh well luckily nearly all of them are fucking quality

um but it's that's a story that very rarely happens on the circuit you don't Well, luckily, nearly all of them are fucking quality. But that's a story that very rarely happens on the circuit. You don't often get into confrontations on the circuit. It doesn't happen loads. Like in all of your time, how many times have you seen someone stand up on a stage and square up to a comic? I've seen one guy do it on Steve Chaniasky at the Frog

and Steve, just like you the guy got up and went what are you going to fucking do now? the whole room's like, I think a bit in shock they were like, woah! and the bouncers are only 40 yards away, if that they're at the front door

you can get there quickly but not as quick as a guy who's a cunt at the front door. You can get there quickly, but not as quick as a guy who's a cunt in the front row. He's straight up the stairs. And I was watching at the back. I was so glad I was in the room, just, you know, for the human drama of it. I was like, oh, I don't know what I'd do. But this dude was big.

And Shanna just went, fuck off, mate. It was quality. Fucking, you can see who's been to a school who's had to fucking just stick up for themselves, mate. It was quality. Fucking, you can see who's been to a school who's had to fucking just stick up for themselves, probably. Shanners literally did not take a step backwards, looked up and went, fuck off, mate. And then just, I think it was just about to go. And this, I don't know what,

the imagery I've got in my head, it's just 12 years ago, probably, is just this guy getting pulled by the shoulder, fucking off the stage by the bouncers. And he was gone, obviously. But yeah,

good on you, Steve Shannon. Because in that, you're exactly right. You can't be like, you've got to stand up for yourself. I know I say I've never been in a fight, but in that situation,

what are you going to do? If he swings, you might as well make it a fucking story that's worth telling. Yeah. That was Nottingham for the person

good on those fucking bouncers other than that it's going well isn't it yeah yeah yeah well there's not been you know loads of stories

like that has there no no Newcastle was great Middlesbrough was good although there was a guy in Middlesbrough who like

he tried to start singing and Jürgen said to me you know in the middle of the gig oh dear I was just like no no no try and stop him doing that in the middle of the pod

don't do it in the gig don't do it in the gig in Teesside where there's a lot less Liverpool fans than you think last night I did my second preview

proper preview in Ambleside Pete Otway's gig yeah the Lily Bar friends of the pod friends of the hosts of the pod oh my god friends of the producers of the pod a preview in Ambleside. Pete Artway's gig. Yeah. The Lily Bar. Friends of the pod. Friends of the hosts of the pod.

Oh my God. Friends of the producers of the pod. He's a friend. He's one of your best mates, isn't he? Is he? Hang on. Congratulations, Pete.

You're a friend. I was talking to him on the way back. You know when you're having a chat with someone, he's just, there's a lot of comics who are really good company, but kind of fuck ups.

Yeah. Pete's just, he's got it together. He's a smart guy isn't he he's just I really like his company and I

yeah he's a good lad and he set this shame about all the allegations but I'm sure he'll get past them yeah but apart from that I mean you know you finger a badger once he lives in the countryside

doesn't he if anything when you live in the Lake District how do you not finger a badger they're always out there big arses in the air yeah you know

waddling dirty bitches. Even the men. The male badgers, naughty. Yeah, I walked from the hotel up to Lily's Bar, and that was one of the nicest, in 20 years, I've done a lot of walks from hotel to, but when you're going past a lake,

past like Roman fort ruins, like beautiful hillsides, the mountains, and then got to the Lily Bar. Interesting last night, because the guy who owns the bar had sold 15 tickets to his regulars, and I'd sold 35 tickets to our lot on Skiddle. I could have, if you'd have lined 50 of them up in a row,

they wouldn't even have said a fucking word. I'd have been like, you're a regular, you're one of ours, you're one of a fucking word i'd have been like you're a regular you're one of ours you're one of ours you're one of ours you're a regular it was so funny because i want this show to be funny for plus ones maybe not from the basque but i want it to be good for everyone there's going to be people who see me do stand up there's going to be plus ones and there's going to be lids and there's there's callbacks and there's references for the lids because without them, there is no previews,

there's no tour. But I also want it to be funny, so fun watching this table of very friendly middle-class people who just finished a meat and cheese board, the antipasto board on wood and then just all of our lot in the middle. I was thinking recently, by the way,

meat and cheese board could be a euphemism for like just recently by the way meat and cheese board could be a euphemism for like a gangbang a meat and cheese board that's not it i don't think you ever need to include cheese as a euphemism for any form of sex some people have knob cheese um yeah but that's not a good thing is it so that's why it's possible though that's all i'm saying right okay do you want to come around my house for a meat and cheese board well you're gonna have to ask Graham to wash. Yeah, it was really fun watching. One of the guys was like,

he looked like a fucking investment tycoon or something. Just so not what we're used to playing to at the Havre. And at one point he went, what is a lid? That's a fucking beautiful moment where he's like, I don't really know what's going on here. What's a lid? I was like, it's a fair question,

but it means you're never going to be one. All right? So that's the future going forward. Yeah, really fun playing to not, like, very definite non-pod people, and then our lot, just watching, just me trying to get the show right for both people. And then one lunatic,

because you have to have a lunatic at every show, apparently. So you've had that fucking knob in Nottingham. I had the lady from Spain spain last week last night there was a guy at the front whose caravan had burnt down two days before one of ours no i don't know i think i don't even know if he was just had walked in i don't know who he knew but he was like ah sorry mate i was like you're all right mate he's just he's at the front he sounds and i don't mean this to be racist, Irish. Right, so I did the, I got into my stuff. My bloody caravan's been burned down. It's gone.

It did sound. Who's burnt it down? I left the iron on. Me. Well, Jesus. He was like, no, my caravan did burn down. I was like, right. He was like, my house, my house burned down.

I was like, cool, your whole house. He was like, yeah, I live in a caravan. caravan i was like okay now it sounds way more gypsy was there petrol bomb though like just like i don't know but i just thought he was insane i talked to him but i was like oh he's a lunatic he's like i am a caravan burn down he's just giving off the vibe of like i've killed killed a few people, you know, and then I burnt the caravan down with their bodies in the caravan. Clever. And at the end, he was like,

oh, sorry about that. Yeah, it's just been a mad few days. I was like, okay, crazy lady. And then he got a video out and showed me his caravan on fire. What a video. Unbelievable.

Was he narrating it? He's just like, yeah, so this is the proof that my caravan burnt down. I actually apologised to him. I was like, I'm so sorry. I thought you're just a fucking mental. So where was he narrating it he's just like yeah so this is the proof that my caravan burnt down i actually apologized to him i was like i'm so sorry i thought you're just a fucking mental where was he living that night um i don't know did you ask this guy any questions the guy tells you his caravan's burnt down you didn't ask him where the fire started or where he's staying he burnt down on a forecourt in in in the area like a petrol station forecourt in the area and i was like everyone does

everyone everyone heard about a forecourt fire they're like no i was like all right cool you're mental you're clearly crazy what i didn't do was like where are you staying tonight just in case i don't have anywhere sir i was like well come on a beautiful walk down to the lake i'm in the region hotel room 21 like he I don't think he would have been also you can sleep rough in Ambleside it's fucking

Beatrix Potterland isn't it full of homeless people that's what it is no but he'd be the first homeless person in Ambleside they'd celebrate him

have a three bedroom semi within a fortnight no homeless people have ever got up the hills of the Lake District clever that you know because you have to climb into them.

Homeless people get to Lancaster and they're like, fuck it. That's anti-homeless architecture, is it? That hill. That hill. They're going to watch that hand go up. Just up that way. Yeah. You know, like the trains didn't used to be able to get past the Lake District.

Homeless people can't walk up to Ambleside. Fact. It's just fact. Verifiable fact. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was the closest they'd ever had to a homeless person, a guy that's just fact. Verifiable fact. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was the closest they'd ever had to a homeless person.

A guy that's caravan and burnt down two days before. Nutter. So many fucking nutters. Oh God. What have you got on this weekend?

What are you doing? You've got the still touring. Yes. Still touring hard. Where have you got? I've just got the one, haven't I?

I've just got the biggest headline show I've ever done. Oh yeah, I forgot about done. Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. That's tomorrow. The biggest show of your career. Oh, yeah, yeah.

That's what I feel like. And then Champions League final. Because Paris seems more important. It's not, though, Adam. No, I know. Is it? But it seems it. Because I'm doing the Philharmonic again next month.

And we're not going to be in the Champions League final again for at least another year. That's a good point year that's a good point it's a good point but I mean it's the biggest night of your career yeah it's kind of a bit of a

it's a weird one that you get to do the biggest night of your career twice in five weeks isn't it yeah it's exactly four weeks

as well actually how do you feel going into not the Champions League I feel like I can't hear about Liverpool although I'm I'm not even anti everything, I feel like I can't hear about Liverpool, although I'm not even anti everything that's gone on.

I found myself following it. I just, I think I've hit my sort of like limit of like the Liverpool thing, which I'm sure you'll tell us about when you get back from Paris. It's going to be a great story. But how do you feel going into the Philharmonic? 1,700 fucking people come to see you. They're really good. The show's, you know, it's really getting there. It'll be ready to film properly in a month.

It's already at the point where audiences think it's perfect, but I know that there's still tweaks to be done. But how do you feel as a Scouse lad doing stand-up at the Philharmonic? I mean, how many Scouses have ever... How many Scouse comics have got to the... You must be in a very small group of people yeah i i haven't really thought about it too much and i think it'll probably sort of sink in a bit tomorrow when i'm still on it because i'm doing a sound check at like four o'clock and like will's

coming down to video some stuff and jack our photographer's coming down with me at four um it's gonna be a it's gonna be it's gonna be really great to do. I'm really, really, really excited. I've thought more about it today than I have at any other point because not many people get to do this. Never forget Scousers or the fact that it's the Philharmonic Hall, which is iconic and whatever for Liverpool as a city. Not many people ever in human history get to go on stage and talk for an hour

in front of 1,700 people. It's just not a very common occurrence. Like most comedians never get past the circuit and the ones that do get to do a couple of hundred seats or whatever. It narrows really quick, doesn't it? So it's an absolute pleasure and a privilege and I'm very, very, very much looking forward to it.

And, you know, we're doing it again next month. Have you got peeps coming down tomorrow night? Have you got, is this the one where you bring in? I've got a chunk of my family are coming down. This was the first one that went on sale. So a lot of my family bought tickets for this one rather than the one in June. So I've got a few of my cousins coming down

and my little brother's coming down. Are they all like chill about it or are they you know i i don't really know because i suppose they they must get there must be an element of them where they're like yeah it's just our ads i mean just fucking stupid stuff like because like it's the same year that you've done an arena and like all of my family like even my granddad's like, how many, uh, how many pay to pay to six subscribers? Have you got, I know he doesn't get it, but he's trying to,

he's trying to ask how many patrons we've got. I don't, I don't think the film on it. Are they getting it? Are they, is it all just normal? Cause you keep doing these massive things. So like a chunk of me family came down to watch me take live at the Apollo.

So that they won't be blown away by the film on a call. Because live at the Apollo to them, it's a bigger venue and it's on telly. So to them, that's probably a bigger deal. To me personally, it's the other way around. Because it's easier to get booked for live at the Apollo. And that's not easy by any means. I'm not trivialising it. I'm very grateful that I got to do it.

It's easier to get booked for Live at the Apollo than it is to sell 1,700 tickets. Yeah, there's a lot more comics have been on Live at the Apollo than have sold 1,700 tickets for a show, let alone twice. To headline a room like this, that's the privilege

and that's also the thing that the people in the industry makes themselves go, holy shit, which is important at this stage of my career for sort of the next few steps that we want to take. I don't think my family necessarily are going to be as blown away by the film on a haul as I am

because I'm going to be like, wow, look at this. They'll sit back and be blown away when we do the arena with the podcast in December because as far as they're concerned, there's no difference between it being my show and the podcast show. Yeah, yeah, mean um and the podcast like several podcasts in this country now is sort of greater than the sum of its parts i can't sell the arena on my own you can't sell the arena on your own carl certainly can't i'm struggling to sell i'm struggling to

sell sambatch in august dancepreviews.com um so you know they'll be sort of absolutely blown away when we do the arena and there's nearly 10 000 people there that's gonna be somewhere else yeah that's the one that's made all of my friends and family go huh okay there's something about we are doing an arena and the amount of tickets we've already sold. God, there's fucking, there's more to sell, but we've done most, innit? Like. Yeah.

You can't walk a hundred yards in Liverpool without seeing the posters. But that's made my friends and family go, oh, this, oh, I sort of didn't, yeah, this is. Yeah. And my friends and family are also starting to see it a lot more because this goes hand in hand with selling these bigger rooms and putting arenas on sale.

We've said this before with this room, and we don't want to keep banging on about our growth and sound like the most braggy cunts in the world, but also at the same time I kind of do. We've just hit 14,000 patrons today on the day of this record. And to us, not much is changing. While we're still sat in this room in Runcorn, we're not doing anything different.

It feels exactly the same as it did when we had 2,000. No, but when we first got this studio, we had like 500. I think when Carl joined, we had like 600-ish Patreons. And what we've done and the way we see the record is no different. Okay, we've added two more people and they're not here today but it's normally carl when when we had 700 patients it was just carl then we had finn and then and then stay is now a part of the team as well but other than that very very minimal has

changed we've got some cola cubes on the shelf that's a change but there's no difference between what we've done in this room so it's hard for us at times to really understand how much we're growing. But this weekend in Ireland and being stopped on the street by people who didn't even know my show was on and they just see our clips all the time. And in Liverpool, it's nonstop. In London, we had to stop filming the documentary a couple of days ago when we were in London because people are coming up because the the awareness and this is as much now to me and you being good comics you can make each other laugh and put funny content

out and the amount of clips that carl finn and and steve when there's slack to be picked up like that they get out a clip every single day no one else is doing that and it's creating such awareness of who we are as well as boosting our friends' profiles when we get them on the couch and stuff. But it looks the same in the room. It looks exactly the same. It's like if you could see a crowd, like if... That's the mental thing.

Yeah, if you saw how many people are listening. It's... Yeah. Imagine if we could open that window and in the field that's outside that window there. Imagine if like 14,000 people were just like... No, it's not, is it? It's 120,000 a week.

Yeah, but that's conservative isn't it yeah jesus christ it's 120 000 per episode is what i meant immediately 120 000 audio and 120 000 no no 120 000 between them it might be more but recently it's been around that yeah but that's only in the first few weeks yeah and then it's and then it's and then there's like all the backlog of that oh my god yeah i i'm just gonna check something here because i'm convinced i'm right but maybe i'm wrong and obviously it's a third particle on your phone during the record are you doing a stat check yeah i'll do pod bean i've got pod bean oh you've got pod bean okay let adam do it yeah alright yeah so in the past seven days

we've done 120,000 downloads audio and YouTube murders it so it's a quarter of a million people a week

good fucking god that's two Glastonbury's yeah and these pricks are at fucking

Goodison playing football for the homeless what's more important I call bullshit Carl with your fair ears thank you very much

to everyone who by the time this goes out even on Patreon will have already been to the Philharmonic Hall on the 27th of May and if you'd like to come and see me there

next month there is about 150 tickets left they're up in the rear circle but there's no bad seats in that room at all. And you can get them at adamrow.co.uk forward slash shows. And that is the one on Friday, Saturday, the 25th of June.

That is the one we're filming and hoping to sell to or YouTube. Yeah. And 1,700 people a night just a little contrast, I'm doing the Northenden Players

Theatre, that's on June the 16th, that holds 55, so yeah, Newcastle Underline, Roffle, Stourbridge, Sandbach and Skipton have all been added, including Hull, I mean these are big rooms big rooms 16, 1700

some of them are 80 you know dance previews shut the fuck up sorry dancepreviews.com Finn I'm playing to 30 people

tomorrow night so you know we're all moving yeah yeah is it a meat and cheese board yeah dirty

are you playing a gangbang yeah would you do that if someone said look we've got we've got the the annual real gangbang you playing a gangbang? Yeah. Would you do that if someone said, look, we've got the annual real gangbang? Yeah. The summer gangbang. We just need some tunes in the background.

What kind of tunes do you think they'd want? Let it be, let it be. I can do that one. Yeah? Yeah, let it be, it's good. Get back! Just Beatles, Beatles-themed orgy. You know you want to.

I would love that. You'd have to parody them, I think, and make them sexy. So, suck his dick Suck his dick Fist her ass And lick her tits Come all over her face Close her eyes

Close her eyes Come You can't come on a girl's face With her eyes open You blind the bitch Oh god 1700 tickets Twice blind the bitch um thanks for your support guys the 14 000 feels pretty sweet right let's have an intervalle

i've been shagging all the women shagging all the women with my long cock will you still lick me? Will you still dick me when I'm 64? I would. I've got a hard-on. Ooh. And I'm gonna put it up your ass. Graham said to me, you know, I love to drink your pee.

You know, he said so. I've just pissed on him and he feels fine. I'm so glad that he fisted my ass. I'm so glad. That was a silly, dirty end. Poor old Graham. And Adam's dead. Oh, I'm always on the internet, me,

but I wish I could be on the internet in a different part of the world. If only there was something to help, Adam. Well, you could fly somewhere or you could travel there digitally using NordVPN.com. Smart. That's smart.

Makes sense. I actually used this last night. I watched the Villarreal versus Liverpool first leg backstage at Sheffield. And I've got NordVPN on my laptop. And what I do is I set it to Canada, and then I watch it via a Canadian broadcaster.

And now that they're sponsoring our podcast, giving our listeners up to 73% off the packages with the promo code HAVEAWORD by going to nordvpn.com slash haveaward. You can literally set your location to anywhere on the planet and then you can watch, you can go to like, oh, I'm in America.

Now you've got American Netflix. You can watch The Good Wife even though it's not on the British one anymore. That's what I want to do. Mad. You can watch footy. You can watch the three o'clock kickoffs.

It's revolutionized the watching of sports. Yeah, League One Al Jazeera, get on me. Absolutely. You can watch Mohamed Salah score goals

in Saudi Arabia and then you get the fucking sick commentary. Goal, goal, goal, goal, goal, goal, goal, goal, goal. You don't have to listen to Steve McMahon doing all his ingings. Shite. NordVPN.com. Slash have a word. Promo code have a word.

Second section. Want to go to bed Been ready for a snoozy woos? Yeah Been a busy few weeks, hasn't it? Yeah Tomorrow before me show I'm going to go for a little spa

Oh yeah Are you going to have a good night's sleep tonight? No What are you doing? Nothing I don't sleep well anyway Not sleeping too good? Blood on the plate

Not sleeping makes you feel Blood on the plate. Not sleeping makes you feel mental, doesn't it? Yeah, I feel like weird today. I didn't sleep well last night at all. Tonight, I'm going to go home. I'm going to stare at the ceiling until I pass out. And then tomorrow when I get up. So, you've seen the pile of washing?

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. It made so much sense. I was like, yes, that's... So what I did was I spent last night separating that into piles of T-shirts, jeans, and stuff that could be washed and dried and stuff. And then I got to the end, I finished it,

and I was like, why did I do that? To what benefit? Because you're not going to wash it. No. So tomorrow morning... What are you going to do with it? I'm going to take it to one of those companies that does it for so tomorrow morning what are you going to do with it I'm going to take it to one of those

companies that does it for you right are you going to hire a van or I've got my Range Rover now

haven't I I'll put the seats down in the back Range Rovers can do so much oh my god look Adam Rose driving to the

Ukraine to clothe refugees oh no he's going Lord's Rep right yeah so I'm going to get them to do they normally take about a week. Yeah, so I'm going to get them today. They normally take about a week, but that's fine.

Yeah, this is going to take longer, isn't it? Oh my. I hope they're not Cantonese. They're going to be like, oh my God. Here's my fucker. Yeah, there's a lot of washing. What I've been doing is coming home from a tour show, emptying me fucking suitcase,

filling it up with new stuff and just getting off. I haven't had time to do anything. No, I know. Yeah, fair enough. So why aren't't you sleeping not to get too into it are you just is it just a build-up of stress or you've just always been a bad sleeper i've never been a good sleeper unless i'm drunk and that's a dangerous train of thought according to finn you don't sleep too good drunk he sleeps great i am the lizard queen yeah what like often once I'm asleep I'm sound

it's getting asleep in the first place but my shoulder like I get like anxiety that my shoulder's gonna pop out so every now and then my body wakes

my brain wakes me up and goes hey just check your shoulders in it is yeah okay let's try and go back to sleep remember there's those letters

no I've been watching a bit of Joe List's stuff on Instagram he's put a lot of a lot of his show is cut up into clips he's got a great bit about I was out on the road

and I rang my wife and I was like I can't sleep and she was like have you thought about masturbating it's like she doesn't even know me as if I'd ring her before masturbating that was the first thing I thought of I was on three wanks She doesn't even know me. As if I'd ring her before masturbating. That was the first thing I thought of.

I was on three wanks before I thought, I'll ring her. I do try and have a tactical wank sometimes. Mate, if you can't sleep and you haven't pulled the pod, then I have no sympathy. I can't sleep. Yank your plank. Come on, bro. What are you, new?

Come on. Come on. Sometimes I go for you, new? Come on. Come on. Sometimes I go for a nap just so I can have a wank. No, that's not true. I really like napping. Sometimes I feel really dirty. Mid-afternoon, if I just go for a wank and I'm like, ah. I can nap really well.

So, like, at night, I struggle to get asleep and stay asleep. In the afternoon, I can go asleep and not wake up. Yeah. It's honestly, it's like I'm talking to the grown-up version of my baby one-year-old. This is the same problem. Laura's like, if we let him nap too much in the day, he just doesn't sleep at night. I'm the same. I'm the same.

I can nap. I could go to sleep on the couch right now And stay there Till midnight tonight Maybe you need to Change your nappy Midway through the night I don't know That's what we do with Jack Yeah It's my brain just going

Hey there's a park I'm fine That you've definitely Forgot about But you don't know Where it is There's nothing You can do about it

So anyway Have a nice sleep Go on Oh by the way You need to send That information in Oh and Jürgen Said to me

You know Like It's just constant Like I have What I have to do Is I have to put a podcast or something on my phone that my brain can focus on. I can't sleep with my own thoughts.

Yes, I know. You have undiagnosed ADHD, Adam. I don't think it's ADHD. It's fucking... It's not a dig, but this is... Your head is tuned up. If you can't listen to your own thoughts and it stops sleeping you have to focus on something else to not like most people would be like yeah

i can't listen to something because then i start concentrating on that and then i can't sleep but you're the other way it's almost like you need to do these sort of reverse i think you've got adhd it's not a it's not a problem you're high functioning mental yeah but it's you know it's working out for you philharmonic adhd works out not when you need to sleep at 2am no bollocks i haven't got adhd what have you got problems you got problems problems i need to deal with that are in my brain you got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one. Oh, yeah, that's true. Jay-Z's writing for you, mate. I can't believe you're still single.

Good on you, mate. Done. The right thing. As if there was a whole level of stress added. Ooh, this'll be even worse. Did you worry I was going to come out with my last one and get straight into another one i join in on a lot of the banter that carl does i don't you've been best friends for a long long time we've been working together for two and a half years so when i join in on some of this banner i feel like i'm like you know i'm jumping on the bandwagon a little bit, but I did feel like you'd got used to being in a relationship.

And I've always been pretty mean about that. Like when I was in my 20s and early 30s, I was like, I've just watched a lot of people who were in shitty relationships because they couldn't just deal with the first three or six months of being single where you have to go, oh, hang on, i can't just use

someone as a crutch i've got to deal with my own bullshit and if you get past that actually i think it's great i think you're better in your own company and in in a weird way you better you're in a better position to meet someone new now there is a problem that you can go too far down that road and go lone wolf and then yeah yeah i thought, yeah. If I was still single now, that's it, isn't it? If you've spent most of your adult life single, you've got expendable income, you're in your 40s,

fucking, who's going to be able to tune into that marriage-wise or long-term partner-wise? But I thought you were going to just want to be in a relationship again and you've not done it and I think it's a positive thing. Not that it's important. What I think, I think it's a positive thing not that it's important what I think

I just think from a mate watching you you've got so much going on I was just worried that a very hot mental would be like you can fuck me if you want and you'd be like great! great! I just thought there was going to be a crazy beautiful lady

but this is some good pom pom and you were going to be like it is! lady. But this is some good pom-pom. And you were going to be like, it is! Move in! I've got a penthouse! You can sleep on the pile of washing. Oh, Adam, you're such a gentleman. You let me sleep on the T-shirts, they're so soft. You can wash them if you like.

I need a ring for that. Well, let's go to a jeweller's Adam do you hear Adam in the mental isn't he good yeah yeah yeah just because she washed his clothes he was looking for that

kind of commitment so well mate commitment you know last night for the first time I turned my dishwasher on I've lived there since February

is there a pile of dishes as well yeah oh no it Is there a pile of dishes as well? Yeah Oh no It was just a pile of dishes Who's in there? Do you know what's really funny? Have you checked for like Hostage

Who's in there? Big pile of washing And Madeleine McCandler You alright? So it's really funny The dishes have been there for a while And about three weeks ago Thomas Green stayed in mine

After the tour show. And when he left, he texted me and said, I filled your dishwasher for you. And last night, I turned it on. So there's been dishes there for about three weeks on the side. And then they've been in the dishwasher waiting to be washed for another three weeks. And yesterday, I finally bought dish washing tablets.

You do what you do. Oh my God. So, you know, that's exceptional laziness when you've got a box that does it for you and you won't even go, boop. Good job I've not got ADHD. Oh God. Just turn it on, Adam. good job I've not got ADHD oh god just turning on Adam Jürgen said to me

he said don't turn the washing machine on recently we went boozing you were like you can stay at mine and I was like nah I'll get an overpriced taxi back to the hotel

would have been way easier slightly worried that I'll stay at yours wake up and start cleaning why do you think I was asking you to stay For the company If we can't monetise

Our chats We don't do them Yeah I just I think I'd start Tidying I really would It's been Do you know what

Up until The last six weeks It's been Very well kept I've done well Like I actually I've passed myself On the back It's been fine The past six weeks it's been very well kept I've done well like I actually I've passed myself on the back

it's been fine the past six weeks have been so chaotic with work I when I'm in the flat I just sit down and then I'm like

right I need to pack for tomorrow so I throw clothes on the floor and fill my bag with clean clothes you do need a cleaner

you need a housekeeper I'm getting a cleaner I think you might need to level up from that. I think you need a housekeeper who just sort of, yeah, it's going to cost a bit more. So we got cleaners. Yeah. It's really good.

Slightly annoying when two days later the house looks untidy, but that's fine. I've got to get over that because we've got kids. It's not, it's fine. One of the downsides is on Monday they came to do cleaning and they got to the house at midday i was in the garden office was sweet because i can see them potting around and i don't have to be like yes i do do stand up oh we do a podcast well let me tell you what a podcast is um uh i needed

a shit i needed a shit i needed a shit i couldn't it's just a really bad situation where you're like, oh, they've just got to the house. Do you know when I have my clean? I haven't got the control to be like, oh, they're here for an hour and a half. And then I'll go, I haven't got that anal dexterity. When I have my clean, it's in my old house. I needed a shit when they were there.

No. I drove to Starbucks. Yeah. I drove to KFC. Now, here's a little advice. If you ever need an emergency on-the-road plop, go Starbucks. Don't go KFC. Because what I did was I went to KFC, and the KFC in Chester is down on the retail park,

and it's not a good one. Like, it's not a good one. It's not nice. It's all right. They're friendly, but it's not a good one. Like, it's not a good one. It's not nice. It's alright. They're friendly but it's just a bit minging. The toilet, there's no lock on the thing.

It was just, there was a guy in there and I don't like letting rip when there's a guy washing his hands. Oh, it's just a bit grim. Then I went out

and I was like, oh fuck, I'm in KFC. So I got five boneless, boneless, you know the four pieces of boneless chicken sat there at it.

Needed another shift. Needed another shift. I was like, why have I come to a place to have a horrible shift? And they'd be like, I'm going to eat some fried chicken. Let that shit hit my tummy. My stomach's like, what the fuck are you doing? Do you ever feel the need to keep an eye on your cleaners in case they rob from you? I was always worried about that.

I was always like, what are you doing over there? Oh, cleaning or stealing. Yeah. No, they don't seem very pinchy. No. They seem very nice. They are genuinely very nice.

And they do a fucking great job as well. Whenever they turn up, I let them know straight away. I tell them, look, I'm going to be keeping an eye on all of you. Listen, hey, you at the back. I'm going to be keeping an eye on you. And I've got hidden CCTV,

so keep your fucking fingers in your pockets, okay? Yeah, good girl. How do they clean? Just put the fucking... What? Put the duster in between the teeth. Fingers in your pockets. Put a fucking duster on the head

mr roy is very mean i'm not allowed to use my hands figure of speech oh right right right at the back just i'm just tracking back a lot of them is there like a fucking platoon of cleaners. You in the back. Hey, come on. You used to send between three and five women. Three and five women? Yeah. But you'd pay for like an hour,

but you'd only get like 12 minutes out of them because there's five of them. Checks out. So you pay for an hour. It's expensive. Blast it. Fucking blast it. Yeah.

Like it. They just do 12 minutes and then there's four of them waiting and the next one starts that's good okay yeah we just have two I don't need you know it's not

like standing room only for the cleaners we can don't go for a shit right we did last week we did I'll just do this quickly

we're bad for this we do things then forget we've done them but i've remembered people have got on the weird toppings and weird food combos quickly you can sit in judgment on this like a confession is it non-c is it fine all right aiden says wag wag lids after being with my missus for a few weeks she made me a sunday roast and out of nowhere there was ready salted crisps on the plate. I thought it'd be

minging at first but it was actually surprisingly good. She said her nan used to put them out when they had a roast. Ever since I've tried it I'm all for it.

Food judgement. Do whatever you want with your food. I'm not really arsed if you want to do it but this is fucking stupid and I actually don't believe you.

You're a liar. Adam just sort of backtracked to where we need him to be just live your life but actually go fuck yourself Bradley says wag wag lids

my weird food combo has to be a strawberry jam sandwich on shit white bread with cheese quavers inside gives a cracking crunch cheers from Brad let me just add

to your name, Brad. Brad the paedophile. Cravers on or hard on, butties? I mean, strawberry jam butties. Aye, aye, aye. I never understood the old jam or jelly on a butty thing. Butties are savoury for me. Yeah, I mean, it's funny though, isn't it?

Because in the morning, toast and jam's nice, isn't it? Does it change when it's toasted? Yeah. Have you ever had Nutella on toast or that sort of thing? No. You're completely just butter. Butter. Yeah. You've never been a jam man. You've never been a jam man.

You almost don't take in any fruit of any type, do you you i do like fruit looks good but to eat to consume i love i love a fruit bowl you know what i actually do you know what i've noticed right don't i've actually noticed i really enjoy a lot of food that's good for me but i don't crave it right okay right okay. Right? Yeah. So I love vegetables. I really like salad. Like a chicken salad that I've made. Like, I really like it with a bit of seasoning

and the right sauce. Fruit, bananas, apples, oranges. The list goes on. Come what? Grapes, pomegranate. Honestly, I really enjoy it. But my brain is never like, hey, show what we fancy.

Pomegranate. My brain will go. Why don't you have three big bars of Galaxy for your tea? It's the convenience. It's the convenience. It's the preparing the fruit. No, but you don't need to prepare fruit. Shops have done this for you.

The pomegranate, you don't. No, you just get a tub of it and you can just eat it. Hey, shops know that we're lazy, dirty people. Can you get it? They add like three quid

onto the price for a slice of pineapple. All right, you've had a pay rise. Is this the cost of living in reals gone up? Behave. I don't know what it is.

Like when I start eating healthier, which as we've already discussed, I'm going to start doing next week. Tomorrow. Manana. Next week. Right. Next week, once I'm back from Paris,

I'm on a health kick, and I will really enjoy the meals. I really will. But... I've got a bit of gas there. That's how long I was getting emotional. If he talks about pomegranate, he fucking goes.

That's what he's always been like. I'll really enjoy it. Don't get him on watermelon. I'll enjoy me grilled chicken and veg with a bit of brown rice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I will really enjoy it, but I don't crave it. What I do crave is Mahi's, KFC, Chippy, salt and pepper chicken. Yeah, you've got to stop the booze,

because no one in the history of drinking has woken up, sore-eyed, dehydrated, hung over, and gone, oh, really fancy some melon. It's just not happening, is it? Oh, I just want a mango medley. It doesn't happen. You want salt and carbs and cheese. I'm turning myself on a little bit.

Yeah, I wonder what it is. Wouldn't life be great if the things that you crave were healthy for you? Someone should invent that. We could just have a bit of cocaine with vitamin B in. You know? Let's have some health.

Yeah, you're absolutely right. It's a fucker. Imagine if... There are some, like, strawberries, some fruit is really lovely. Like, if you've got a sweet tooth and you're trying to be healthy,

there are some really sweet, I don't know, they're not quite the same sweet. Isn't it always better when you make it more unhealthy, though? Like strawberries, you put sugar and cream on it, instantly better.

Yeah. Oh, God, yeah. I've been getting really into Haagen-Dazs recently. What flavour? Our local co-op's not great for stuff. It's one of them small ones. It's just had Haagen-Dazs recently. What flavour? Our local co-op's not great for stuff. It's one of them small ones. It's just had Haagen-Dazs on offer.

And then I noticed there's like a box of four little Haagen-Dazs. The salted caramel, the caramel selection. And I was watching Solar Opposites, the Rick and Morty thing that I was talking about. Just got back from hot water. You know Dean's hot water gig on a Monday. You're on stage, you're off stage at 7.45. Chatting away, I was back well before nine and I live in Cheshire. I was like, oh, I'm gonna watch. I just went over to the shop. Four little, oh, solid caramel, chocolate brownie and caramel

with vanilla ice cream. Fuck so good just like fatty little patty love it imagine if that was like good for you she works on the till fatty little patty there's a lady that works on the till called from i feel like flirting with her just to make i don't know she must be what 58 selling fucking salted caramel hagen's as i i'd love to salt your caramel bitch okay i just realized i've used a real name i really respect the work you do on the front line of co-op let your rat out and i'll kiss it oh no oh my god i don't know oh no kiss you right on the pussy lips no now we have to edit out the name because I have to face this woman I have to face this woman

I'm all shiny in it love oh no oh god you big dirty co-op worker you big dirty co-op worker when Adam sleeps well his dirty talk really goes out the window talk dirty to me

you fucking knob you smoke a mean pole really goes out the window talk dirty to me you knob you smoke a mean pole yeah good that's the end of the food ones so stupid did it hurt love when you drop that box on yourself in the storeroom. That's a work-related injury. Sorry, I was trying to flirt. Did it hurt your arse when you sat down too quick?

Because I shat myself on aisle three. Is your dad a thief? Or is that someone else leaving with a leg alone? So fucking stupid. People need advice, and Adam gives great advice. And he talks dirty really well. Fucking dirty co-op bastard. Right, Anonymous. I have an agony, Adam,

and it's a serious one. A couple of years ago, me and my best friend slept with each other after a night out. Both lads. However, we carried on for nearly a year sleeping with each other until he got a girlfriend. A few years later, drunk, I told someone that I thought I could trust and they

outed me on Facebook, tagged me in it as well as his girlfriend at the time. So now I've come out as bisexual, I lost my virginity to him and now I'm happy happy but to this day he denies it and all my mates are split down the middle choosing sides what can i do to make the situation not awkward for my friends please keep this anonymous and love in the pod this is juicy oh this is this is uh oh this is a juicy monster um so they were they were bum they were having sex sorry you're gonna say bumming yeah they were bumming yeah they were but we don't know that they might have just been sucking each other off and licking each other's assholes we don't know he lost his virginity yeah yeah i mean yeah it could have been a bum all virginity i think it was sex on it yeah yeah so they've and then they've kept it going for a year that i tell you who's the

fucking rat in this whoever put that on facebook that's some fucking horrible shit that's some nasty however also i don't know if i was young would i not have been like that lad who's wrote in shouldn't really have told anyone If that was a secret between them two He shouldn't have told the person Who put it on Facebook If I sucked you off And you told Finn

I'd be fuming with you Yeah I'd be fuming with you as well You know for sucking me off I just came round to clean No but if we both fucked Right Yeah And you told I'd be fuming with you as well. You know, for sucking me on. I just came round to clean. No, but if we both fucked, right? Yeah.

And you told... I don't like this game. Ring for a blowjob. If we both fucked, and you told Steve Shenyasky, before you told me you were going to tell him. He'd be like, fuck off, mate! Like, I'd have every right to be upset. Yeah.

Yeah, you would. And I'd deny it. I'd deny it. Oh, would you? I'd be like, Dan didn't bum me and I didn't bum in. He's a liar.

Yeah. He'd struggle to get the podcast back on its feet, wouldn't he? Oh, he would, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Just before we go to the break. Adam did bum me!

I think we should make a pact right now to never buff fuck. You know what if if I wasn't so now naturally homophobic I'd shake your hand yeah

can't do that I don't can't do that because you might try and fuck my hand I know what you're like um yeah I think just for the best of the business

do you want to witness this yeah and everyone watching no buff fucking amongst any staff members unless we hire a woman who wants to fuck me no no no no no sorry i'm not willing to make that commitment carl's just you know who knows you

haven't got the cock to find his bum hole through all that ass no but what if you know i get lost in liverpool one night and i need somewhere to sleep just on one of them butt cheeks so safe like a little mermaid like a fucking Sefton Park yeah let's make that promise to each other no bumming no okay I won't bum you you don't bum me

do you know what I'm so glad that we've said this that couldn't be better I'm so glad that you're not bumming me instead you know because

the season's coming to end with Liverpool and you're going to be looking for things to do yeah I am I just don't want it to be me. I want it to be the Spanish language.

Yeah. Because if you fuck me, I'd be like, okay. Yeah. So, honestly, because after two and a half years, I think there's been an undercurrent of like, this guy's going to fuck. Definitely. I think we get a lot in the comments like,

are you going to lean in? So, great. Good. That's real clarity, that. But I'll say this right now hang on right second pact

if we somehow fail on the first one yeah it stays between us no you can't tell anyone we've bummed if it happens

right why are you ashamed of me in this imaginary bumming I'm not ashamed that I've bummed you or that you've bummed me I just think it would be better for everyone

If nobody knew Well that makes me feel really bad about this Imaginary bumming Brilliant Great well that's now my confidence gone Okay Good The gaslighting has begun

I haven't even fucked yet I'm already inside you dad Now you want me That's not where I want you at all Now you want me Oh god Oh Finn Can you edit that out as oh fib can you edit that

out as well can you edit my name out of this yeah good cleared it up what's the question I've gone blind in one eye

do you remember when we were talking about Haagen Dazs and the co-op come goes left so such a fucking penis

this is why I'm not fucking you there's nothing you can do here kid this is a bad situation and in all truth you've been fucked over you've you've talked to someone you shouldn't have talked to i know that's hard but if he doesn't want to be outed i know it makes you look like you've lied i think for your own

happiness you have to sort of let this one go and just know in your heart what happened or get him drunk and record him a bit into it oh yeah or bum him again

and record it I mean yeah which is illegal which is illegal tag him in not on Facebook because you're not a fucking flagnant or

a nana get him drunk and get him to just just break slightly. Where he's just, he's like, look, I'm going to start telling people that I was lying because I want you to be able to, you know, carry on with your misses and live the lie because I love you and that's what you need to do.

But, and he just... Could you just say clearly into camera one, we did have loads of bum sex because just for me yeah do that yeah con him wear a wire

wear a wire wear a wire or fuck him in the arse and film it your choice yeah gavel or just let it go

let it go oh a gentle gavel yeah that's really a consider gentle gavel yeah that's really a considerate gavel what was that give him your gentle gavel sort of makes sense

bum him slowly I can't wait for can't wait can you just get bum him slowly in Spanish because I think this podcast is gonna bum him slowly I tell you what when you learn podcast is going to... Bum him slowly.

I'll tell you what, when you learn Spanish, I don't know if I'm not going to be like, just did it for me. Is the screen on? No, you just say it. Tell us what it is. Que malo lentamente. Que malo lentamente.

Bum him slowly. Si. Si. Muy bien. Let it go in Spanish I just Explicit version Of the Fugees song

What? Bombing him slowly With his cock Bombing him slowly The hollow ear With his cock What? Can you stay the TV on

I want to read this With his ass Bombing him slowly With his cock Us booming And slowly with His car Ah Ah Stroming his car With his fingers

My friend For everybody's sake But for your heart Dialo ear Dialo ear Stroming his car With his fingers with his fingers the yellow ear

putting his jizz in his hair it's been really sensitive how we've dealt with that and I'm slowly with his car

you know because there's two white straight men for now you know I think that could have been done insensitively on this

podcast but I think we dealt with that with a very a deft touch didn't we if only they'd have had that agreement beforehand what same agreement you had they'd had that we're not gonna do this or we're not gonna tell anyone they'd have been fine yeah i don't think

you get drunk and fuck your mate after a night out when you're both straight lads and be like whoa whoa let's get a pact i think i think you just get drunk and start touching dicks, don't you? Pact coffee in this next ad break. I'm talking about pacts. Pact coffee. When you've bummed your mate. Oh, you don't want that. When you've bummed your mate,

but you're tired the next day from all the bumming. Wake yourself up with pact coffee. We've made a pact that we need to wake ourselves up. I think we've just lost a sponsor. Laura loves them, by the way. Laura really loves them. And she loves bumming men. I'll be into it.

Packed coffee for all the gay men out there. Pegging me slowly with her cog pegging me slowly how far down this do you reckon you could get if you sat on it do you reckon you could

get all of this up your arse oh my god it's like a reverse children in need isn't it here we go here we go

here we go we're up to 20,000 we're down to 30 centimetres no I've got quite a loose arsehole not loose shallow I've got quite a loose Arsehole Not loose Shallow I've got a shallow arsehole

Yeah yeah yeah Only interested in people's looks Your arsehole will not take the dick Of an ugly man It's like no I'm shallow I want a fit man Or none at all.

I'm sensitive. The other year. See? See? And it knows? No. It's time for a break. I make a pact to have a break.

We need callback. I'm not saying something. All right, right lids want to tell you about one of our sponsors it's packed coffee make a pact to drink better coffee i don't drink coffee laura does she loves packed coffee we got some delivered she's into it you like packed coffee i absolutely adore it you can always tell when i've had a coffee when we're in the studio because I'm quite sort of quiet and reserved until I've had one. And then as soon as I've had a pack coffee, they call me chatty, chatty, bang, bang. Call to action.

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for a cup of packed. Enter the code WORD50 at checkout. Nice one, lads. Jazzy, jazzy, bang, bang. Part three. Part what?

Part three. Nice. It's part three of four. We always do four sections. I love it how you do the little bit of a counting on the's part three of four we always do four sections I love it how you do the little bit of a count in on the numbers

three of four Shane Todsie yay good to be here lads thanks for having me proper podcaster sort of I did your podcast

last week yeah tea with me yeah it's called and you know I'm having tea with you again I'm having coffee

you're having coffee i want a tequila a tequila yeah i want a tequila i don't know i just saw it you did it's not if laura ever divorces you you do realize you're going to become a full-blown alcoholic oh you're really doing it oh yeah i'm'm having tequila. You want a tequila? No, I want a new thing. Not a big one. Just a little, you know. Just like 40 mil. Just an M56 tequila. Dan's coming out boozing tomorrow. Oh, nice.

In Liverpool. I feel like tequila palat. He's going to come and watch me tour the show. Yeah. Actually, no, we can tell them now because they... Oh, yeah. I'm just going to get him off. I'm just going to get them off I'm just going to get them Thomas Green's opening

But I'm going to get Thomas To bring Dan up To do a little surprise set as well I was going to say It's nice to be at a mate show When you're a stand up And not have to worry About the pressure of being on

The first time I did The Waterfront Which is a cool venue in Belfast My mate Dave Was sort of sat Side of stage But The audience couldn't see him

But I could see him And he's obviously being like pretty quiet and he was having a few drinks because he wasn't working. And at one point I was like setting up a closer and it's like real quiet. And he did like a ring pull of a can. And it like,

because that venue's built for like, like the acoustics are unbelievable. So he did that. And it just, it just vibrated around the entire arena. Just one man cracking a can of Stella and I saw him

out of the corner of my eye and I was like you fucking piece of shit most important gig of my life because he's seen he's seen the bit he's like

alright I like this bit yeah none of the suspense I don't know if you're 100% aware of this you know like in Liverpool right how there's

more than most of the cities on the mainland of the UK local acts can sell a lot of tickets do you know what I mean yeah yeah there's more than most of the cities on the mainland of the UK local acts can sell a lot of tickets do you know what I mean yeah yeah there's not like

the big fucking Sheffield comedian is selling whatever no like do you know what it's like over there tell him how many nights

you're doing at the is it the Grand Opera House Grand Opera House how many nights are you doing nine nine

it's wild and like I just add them and go this is not right Like at some point this will end soon No yeah because you have Sold a ticket to everyone in Ulster Oh yeah you could get into the specifics Of working that out and it would be like One in every hundred people or something like that

So when you're right Okay so that's Belfast Yeah Jesus Christ. And also like that should definitely be for like Pavarotti and stuff. You know, like, like, like on the stage stuff. Yeah. Beautiful.

Yeah. A thousand capacity. The guy who built that and designed it had no idea that you were going to be on that stage talking about your car. Yeah. Like a hundred years later. Well, you got, so when you tour, you,

just, I'm just talking Ireland, you're doing 9,000 tickets in Belfast. Is that in a, is that not, it's not in a nine day run? No, it's,

it's split up into two. Can you imagine that by getting day seven? Like, oh, this is fucking boring this. Work again. Like I've tried to get into the Opera for ages, but it's hard because they have, like, runs of shows,

of, like, proper stage shows. Yeah, and they were like, yeah, we haven't got Nine Gaps show. That's also a problem, isn't it? But you have to move for, like, shows that'll be there for three weeks. And it's always, like, a stage production involving, like, an ex-Boy Band member and a superstar. Like, it's like Anthony Costa and Chesney. You know what I mean?

It's always, like, there's a formula to it. It's always, like, Chesney you know what I mean it's always like there's a formula to it it's always like one of each those cunts book in early don't they well known for it it's Ben from A1

and A&B like it's always just two guys doing a weird production so half the runs in June I think spills into July a bit

and then September October kind of time so just for me because I love this sort of stuff when you go down to Dublin what are we doing oh it drops off quite a bit and then september october so just for me because i love this sort of stuff when you go down to dublin what we're doing oh it drops off but like belfast we'll call it the sweet spot um dublin i'll maybe do like i could off top my head or i can i could do 150 wow you are the king of so what about

what about dairy london dairy i don't know what to say by the way i did both i don't listen i'm playing there september the 3rd and i am walking out to the national anthem of the united kingdom because of this prick and i am not trying to piss anyone off that's driving him from dairy truck london dairy yeah yeah you know that weirdly in dairy they that's where they care about it the least you would think like They're real sensitive about it They're actually I think quite easy going about it And most people

In Derry no matter what I think say Derry But it's like This myth about it from outside But like You're English I mean you'll be fine You've nothing to worry about

Yeah yeah Say London Derry Do the national anthem thing No worries Where are you staying? I'll tell you after I'm actually running home So weird No worries. Where are you staying? I'll tell you after. I'm actually running home.

I'm going to be swimming for a bit. Run, swim, run. It'll be fine. Weirdly, I'm doing the Millennium Forum in Derry, which is about 850, but I've never sold well there before. I could do like 9,000 in Belfast and move 15 miles outside of Belfast. There might be certain times where I couldn't do 50.

You can't even go to the shops. No. You can't even go to the outside of Belfast. There might be certain times where I couldn't do 50. You can't even go to the shops. No. You can't even go to the shops in Belfast if you just go slightly down the road. Slightly out. Just out. Yeah. I'm doing Armagh,

which is probably 40 minutes away. And, you know, it's good numbers, but it's like, it's way slower. But it's just people go to Belfast for their big night out. If they're going to see a tour show they go to belfast so you loved it i can't wait man i've done the empire twice once when i wasn't ready and they let me know they let me know yeah and the second time i was older

better comic and it went well yeah it's it's it's like here like we were talking about differences between belfast london terms comedy good belfast now is becoming like a real good comedy city it's like here, like we were talking about differences between Belfast and London in terms of comedy. Good comedy, Belfast now has become like a real good comedy city and people do like support their own, which is so rare. Like that didn't happen

for a long time. No, when I first gigged in Belfast, there was nothing like, like what you guys have got with, like there's a whole fucking crew in it. It's like what we're doing

in the Northwest. It's great. It's the future. I was saying, we like, you know, the fact that you just have like this set and it's so interesting i could be here and see it um like we we were like with my podcast we went we maybe we could have a fix you know it's like you're just waiting for people to tell you people across the sheen across the sea you know with speech impediments so yeah like seeing and that's probably why we actually got

a set so like yeah it's yeah you're doing it properly though by the way hey we've we've had people i've been a bit cunny about this i went on the hot water green room podcast that they've done and i was like this is the best done ripoff of us so far but i love seeing people do it well yeah do it well you can't just cobble it together with that camera your Nana's got. And then, you know, like you've got like yours looks fucking great. Cheers. We were saying it's accountability. It's because there's other people involved.

So I used to do my own podcast by myself called, and my name's Shane Talkcast. Hey! Now that's like, I stopped my effort at that that's how i was like we've got it that's me famous and i would do like because because it was just me recording it me uploading it it was just me i would do like three episodes and put them out every wednesday and then i'd miss a wednesday miss another wednesday and go guys that's a wrap on season one. I would always like, I'd miss, I'd like miss two episodes

and be like, we're back season seven. Oh, we should have done that. We could have been on season 48 by now. Fucking brilliant. But yeah, the accountability's good. But no,

I love here. I love Liverpool. Like, I think I started coming over at the very start of, when Hot Water was starting. Yeah. And then didn't come back for a load of years and came back when it was properly, like, about four years ago, Like I think I started coming over At the very start of When Hot Water was starting Yeah And then didn't come back

For a load of years And came back When it was properly Like about four years ago Started coming over To do tour shows And it's great Even if

Cab drivers don't want to Take you from the centre Of Liverpool to here Yeah because this isn't Liverpool Right Like at all Yeah Eddie told me that

Eddie Eddie Shout out to Eddie The cab driver I had the feeling He didn't want to take me here Because he told me seven times He didn't want to take me here Because he told me seven times He didn't want to take me here

He was livid Really Was it a black taxi Yeah Yeah Yeah Okay Is that a bad move

No I mean They're often Slightly more expensive But I I didn't say this off pod When you told us How much you paid to get here

Which was 60 odd quid Yeah But Eddie Has taken you on The scenic route how was leeds did you enjoy it was nice london's good over the thames bridge just see a few sights mate funny enough he said he was just booking a holiday as he uh as he dropped me off. Barbara, we're going five stars. Yeah, that is a 25 quid Uber, a 35 quid black taxi.

Right, and here's how I think he spotted me and went, if you quit out of this guy, I'm going to pick me up at Liverpool One. So like,

big tourist guy, I had a big like, JD Sports shopping bag, I had my backpack on, he's just seen, he saw my accent, he's seen pound signs. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't want to go, but I'm going to make the most of it. I think next time I'll probably just fly directly to the airport here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Runcorn International. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a good move.

I'm going to have to move my car though, because it's on what will be the runway. Yeah. I don't even want to land here. But I've got a holiday coming up yeah so listen we can't talk about Belfast comedy

without asking about what happened with Kevin Hart like I know you'll it sounds like we've murdered him where is Kevin Hart where is Kevin Hart

where is he gone Liverpool won right okay good I know because we spoke briefly about this when I met you last week and I'll let you tell briefly about this when I met you last week and I'll let you

tell the full story but I want you to I don't want you to miss out this sentence he's opened for Kevin Hart now is it 15? 15

15 times and he hasn't met him yet the guy doesn't know me from Adam which is what he called me the first time he brought me up I've never met him right

because Adam's been on your podcast and all your lot who'll be watching this because you're on and I've had a few messages because we mentioned it on the Patreon episode just gone that you were going to be on I've had several messages of people going oh my god, it's their two favourite things

combined, oh my God, like it's their two favorite things combined. Oh my God, fever dream. But Kevin Hart's been over to Northern Ireland to film a movie. Netflix only. And you have been doing gigs with him. Yep. Maybe a lot haven't, don't know any of this. I need to know the full story.

Like what the fuck happened? How did you even find out about it? Does Kevin Hart's people ring your people? So we actually had the same agent, which is hilarious because if you go on their roster page it's like kevin hart steve martin will ferrell me and like it's the most like it's the weirdest thing to look at um but we we madly have like the same agent he came over doing netflix we still here how did you get signed to get like we're looking for american agencies have big rosters don't they i'm assuming you mean american i liked it you were like how did you get that and you're like that don't worry they're big

rosters a lot of shit at the wall the way you fucking sticks oh yeah yeah we've got fuck it's quite a roster like it's tom cruise Cruise, Benicio Del Toro, and Ian Beale. Like, what? What? What? I don't know how it works. His name on the website,

Ian Beale, not Adam Wood. I don't understand how you... They've signed the character. Ian Beale. I thought that was... That's the actor. I thought that was the actor's name.

Ian Beale is in the new series of Ozark He's in the calf He's in the calf scenes in Ozark I honestly thought that was the actor's name Fucking hate soaps Good effort Dan You're fucking number No I

I've done some shows in the States And just Again it's like doing Nine Nights It's all like a bit of a No I I've done some shows In the States And Just Again It's like doing Nine Nights It's all like a bit of a I don't know And I don't want to think

Too much about it Shane You must be good If you go over to America And do a few shows And Will Ferrell's agent Is like We need to sign you

Yeah Like I haven't seen you Do stand up But now I'm kind of Excited about Please don't Because the expectation Level's there

It won't be what you think This guy murdered Kevin Hart. So, yeah, he's coming over Belfast, three months, shoot a movie. People shoot all the,

like the Shotgun of Thrones, all these tax breaks, that kind of thing. And also, if you shoot in Belfast, like, if you need anything, we can get it.

You know what I mean? It's not too hard. Whatever it is you need, we'll get it. And I mean anything. Right. Anything. Right. Easy to get yeah a location okay uh vhs player anything right anything you need end of list it's a small play everybody knows everybody it's a small place so even like when we're doing sketches you know if you if you were doing sketches in london it'd be a nightmare if you needed a bar scene get a location home so small you just you just commandeer you can just hijack

yeah get it's easy to film in belfast so that's why they're doing it here um and then he apparently because he's i love that list by the way i felt that list was going in a way darker direction like anything i can get you anything yeah yeah vhHS player whatever you need whatever you need right cool so he's doing a movie and getting ready so he's there for three months do you know what movie it is

it's called Lift Lift yeah it's a heist movie couldn't get a fucking lift it's about a taxi they couldn't hire a lift in London

or Philadelphia or New York they're like where can we get a lift and one of Kevin Hart's boys was like I know where we can get a lift I can get a Kevin Hart's boys was like, I know where we can get a lift. I ain't getting a motherfucker.

Any of them. Yeah, and I've, I've, Belfast. I know Ian Beale. I phoned our agent, and I said,

I just met Eddie at Liverpool One. This is the guy to be the, co-lead in lift. He didn't want a fare. It's Kevin Hart, and Eddie just giving off. Loads of chemistry though. It's a heist movie.

It's a heist movie, yeah. Yeah, because The Rock's busy now so we're just gonna Eddie these two

one's a miserable Cubs Scouse taxi driver the other's Kevin Hart is Kevin doing the heist or is he the bank clerk I don't I don't know

I don't know too much about it what what do you mean what do you mean what do you mean what do I mean what do you mean Kevin Hart's you mean? What do you mean, what do I mean? What do you mean Kevin Hart's

playing the bank clerk? Yeah, he works in NatWest. In Belfast? Is he not set in Belfast, is it? I thought you were querying whether we had banks in Belfast. Just a guy with a notebook. Query whether you have Philadelphia

black American guys working in NatWest or Ulster Bank. What makes it more interesting, obviously Kevin Hart's the lead in the now west or Ulster Bank what makes them more interesting obviously Kevin Hart's the lead in the movie but I would rather

watch him be the bank clerk who saves the day than be the guy who does the heist I'd rather watch Kevin Hart being like I'm not giving you

my motherfucking money I haven't heard him talk in a while you nearly did American Jew again oh my god you want all this money oh but i'm just a lowly belfast teller in the fucking net west oh my god thank you chris thank you could you be less racist just i don't even think we have not west no you don't um that sounds really you know now

i actually think about what national westminster sounds like it doesn't sound like someone's gonna do very well in belfast uh so he's about to do like world tour and again if i would know i've never shot a movie if i did and i was going to be somewhere for three months i would park stand up maybe i'd do some spots yeah he's like oh every night why don't i just do gigs In Belfast To very like Small crowds Different size of crowds And he Every

Like most days There was a while Where like Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday He'd film 7am

7pm Have dinner Run the Run the show And he wanted to do 30 shows We've done 15 I think there might be

More He's doing some Arena shows Belfast, Dublin. And yeah, it's wild because you, so if you're doing sport, you show up, you open, you do 15 minutes. There's a break, short break. There didn't used to be a break.

And then you bring him on, but he arrives after it's started just because he has, has like he would be obviously sometimes you get mobbed at a show if you're him he's not gonna make it to the stage yeah yeah so so it's it's an in and out kind of thing the small shows are the one because i get it like if he's over and he's like cool can we run some big gigs at like an opera house or anything that makes sense to me i just it's the kevin hart turning up to the seats 50 gig in belfast somewhere limelight he's literal and limelight is somewhere where like people go

night out students love it you know it's a it's a nightclub that they put shows in as well yeah isn't it it's a proper multi-purpose venue yeah they do funerals september 3rd and it's like and i'm a i'm a fan so and i didn't know what to expect seeing it In this environment, in this size The fact that he's just working out I said to you, it's my favourite hour of his Since Laugh At My Pain Since one of the early ones

It is phenomenal and to watch it every night At the start I was like Maybe I'll watch a few of them and then I'll just go home after my set See watching the slight changes And the differences in it and just being in the room it's unbelievable so

I'm a Kevin Hart fan from the early days now the last three things he's brought out I'm like saw him live six years ago

seven years ago in an arena dead disappointing didn't didn't think it was great some really good bits that then I don't think he landed that well

being critical as a comic yeah yeah everyone in the room fucking loved it yeah my wife loved it it was just me being a comic like it was all right you know yeah you watch some stand-up now yeah it's fine it's it it's there because they're famous that show would not have made them famous yeah a bit of an unfair way of looking at it? I would love to see him in a small room. And I was not judging with a bias as a fan. I was like, I'm just going to see what this is like. I thought it was unreal. And then a couple of weeks ago, I sat

in the audience with a couple of mates and watched it and it was properly, properly good. And it gets better all the time. So it's cool to do it, but it's definitely a weird experience. What's Chappelle's special where he just throws in that second special

in the small room at the store? The first one is called Equanimity, and the second one is called, one of the stores, The Bird Revelation. Yeah. The Bird Revelation, as a comic, I love that one because it feels like you're watching him

do an hour of new stuff about stuff that happened that week and it's very untested unpolished, unfinished but it's just, I'd rather watch a comic do that than see their finished hour personally and why are more specials not

done, like when I watch Kevin now, it's different because obviously you want to show the scale of where you're at but like, small intimate rooms I'm like this they're the specials i love like when you see small and you feel like you're in the room i play them exclusively it's just me though i've been listening to a good few american comedy podcasts recently with all the driving i've been doing and it seems to be the general consensus from the Yanks is that 1,200 seats is the pinnacle. They all say, I'll do, like,

Bear Crisis, Segura, like, Rogan. Hearing them talk about it, they're like, we'll do the arenas and it's great and we've got to do them because otherwise we would never have a night off again. We sell so many tickets now, we've got to do an arena. Superstars. But when I take my special,

I'm getting a 1200 seat theatre and doing it in there. Yeah. Because they see that as the optimum number of people in a room for stand-up. And it's around the cut-off,

isn't it, of watching it, watching the person on stage as opposed to the video screen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you may as well be at home. A thousand people back, you are in the room yeah it's lost some intimacy but it's still yeah big laughs who who's the comic tonight we put a gig on 80 seater phase one in liverpool i've been running a new

material night there you've done some stuff there uh dean from the mild high club runs their live show there in a gig and it's a great little 80 seat room for stand-up who is the comic that you would love to book to see them do a 45 minute headline show if you could get any comic in the in the world get them down to a little room to see them like you saw the limelight with kevin hart who would you love to see do a like for me at this stage it's probably sigora like i i've heard a lot of stories about um chapelle when he's working a show up can be quite self-indulgent and look at this is not a christmas and i've got no experience of it but i've heard he will go on and he will talk and make it not funny for 30 minutes but then the next five minutes is fire

and he's just he's trying to find it all and i get it because he's in his head he's like i'm building a legacy of specials and i've got to do this to make the next special great i don't necessarily think because i know he did a couple of shows in london a few years ago where comics i know when certain was like i i'm gutted that I went to be honest because it was too early in his process for me to have seen that yeah you're allowed if you're Chappelle

you're allowed to judge less in a small room and be like this is for me if you want to be here you've got to sort of sign up to it yeah but it wasn't

like cheap tickets either for me at the minute I think Sigurd is one of the best on the planet I'd quite like to see him I'd like to see Louis C.K. in a small room. Yeah.

Like, I know there's been a load of shit, and I know there's a load of people in this country, in our industry, that want him cancelled for good, and I don't think that's happened, and it's not happening. He's coming back. He's doing the Apollo and performing all day.

I'd love to see him in a small room. Just also, just to see where he's at after a sort of hiatus where he's been out of out of the spotlight

well you saw to be honest he's released two specials since his thing I with Louis I think if I was to go and see him live

I want to see him talk about the thing that everyone wants to fucking talk about to be honest with you I think he does he does on his on his

so the two specials he's released since the controversy um has he done two yeah he released sincerely louis ck which he does talk about it briefly but he's very dismissive of it and in the latest one he makes one reference to it it's not dealing with it is it no it like he hasn't done like the louis ck thing for me the problem i've got with what happened which obviously and for anyone who doesn't know what we're talking about louis ck there was allegations that came out that he'd been masturbating in front of women now the the argument against his cancellation is that he always asked the women could he do it the argument that still makes that wrong is that he was in a position of power and the women felt like they couldn't say no on top of that when the women threatened to sort of tell people about this and

felt like they'd been put in a position where they couldn't say no he allegedly got his management to threaten the women and say if you release if you tell people that he did this we will sort of do everything we can to hamper your careers that for me that threat is the biggest problem yeah and that that's that's where the the the hatred and the the anger towards him and him attempting to make a comeback comes from now louis ck as a comic has always been or certainly presented himself as soul bearing showing the worst parts of human nature and especially human male behavior and he's always been warts and all gross honest we're awful we're all horrific especially men look how shit we are as people

if there's any comic on the planet who can do what he's done and then do the stand-up routine that gives him at least a glimmer of a shot at redemption and forgiveness can do what he's done and then do the stand-up routine that gives him at least a glimmer of a shot at redemption and forgiveness from the people he's hurt it was louis ck and in the two specials he's done since that he hasn't even tried to do that and that for me is the thing and if i was to see louis ck in a little room or go and see him in a theater or see his next hour for me he's like I watched his recent one. I downloaded it because it was called Sorry. And I thought it was going to be what I was after.

And I wanted to see it. And it's not, and I understand what he's doing. He's going, I can't say sorry anymore. The show's called Sorry. The fucking backdrop says sorry. I've said sorry. Yeah, but you've not dealt with it. No. You've not explained it.

So I'd like to see him do that. I don't necessarily think he's ever going to do it I think he just wants to move on But we'll see It's going to be interesting to see what reaction there is When he gets over here Because he's Well there'll be no mainstream press That's his challenge

But they'll sell out They'll probably already sold out Yeah Probably already sold out Because they're already on sale I guarantee you the Apollo's sold out Wemble Probably already sold out because they're already on sale. I guarantee you the Apollo's sold out. Wembley Arena might not be,

but he's doing Wembley Arena. I haven't even seen an angry tweet about it. I just know it's on sale. Yeah, we'll see how that pans out. Who's your small room comic? Someone like Cedric the Entertainer. Something like that. That'd be fucking great. For a second I thought he was dead

let me break it down like someone either someone like that or yeah like a stadium comic to get the novelty of what I'm seeing like Sebastian Maniscalco I'm a big fan of his maybe somebody like that really do you like Sebastian

I haven't tuned into his is cadence the right word yeah the fucking oh I'm like I haven't I just

I've seen some of his early stuff where that was toned down or hadn't been like turned up I went to see him in the he just happened to be on in the comedy store it was like a

split bill show loads of other comics in Los Angeles yeah and he was really laid back like real played it Yeah And he was Really laid back Like really played it down And he was

And Oh there you go Conchagura was on him Big fan of loads of other people Like all headliners All stadium comics And he stood out He really stood out

Fucking hell Yeah I've heard that He used to live in Bill Bear's building Didn't he And he told Bill Bear Everything kind of Started to stand up

And Bill was like Oh yeah good luck with that And looking at him I go That's somebody I'd get on with as well And we talked about You know there's two types

You know like Some comedians Love the late night A few pints after the gig And all that kind of thing He looks like me He looks like after the show He'd be heading home

Do you know how he likes To be in bed by half ten No No No Sleep at half ten no Sleep at half ten Yeah Sleep at half ten

You see what's ruined me Agreeing with you And saying that sounds great Is that I just had a shot of tequila Before we started this section So I look like An absolute fucking mess But yeah

I like to go to bed early Rarely Rarely? Rarely It's a novelty What gets you drinking? Ohly. Rarely? Rarely. It's a novelty. What gets you drinking? Oh, like it's got to be,

it's just got to be, you know, you know when it's a certain temperature outside and you look up and you know the Lord's smiling? I looked up and I said, louder, louder. When the Lord holds his glass, I go, yeah. So do you have a day drinker? No. I mean, I say I'll have a few. I'll have a few. When the Lord holds his glass I go yeah So the other day you drink her? No

I mean I say I'll have a few I'll have a few I just I have a kid who's Nearly two And I wasn't that much of a drinker beforehand But the early starts

I hate it And the idea of having a slightly sore head or whatever I've just I've got so out of the way of it That I now fear drinking Okay so since you've had your kid I fear a hangover Since you've had your kid... I fear a hangover.

Since you've had your kid... Yeah, right. What is the biggest booze session you've had? How many drinks did you put away? There was a night where I had two glasses of wine, thought about a third. Yeah. And that's terrified me. You dirty bitch.

I started to pour it and I was like, what am I doing here? Listen, you're not doing childcare this afternoon. Yeah, no. No, I just, because I drive a lot to gigs as well, I'm never really in an environment where like, and then if I'm off on a Friday or Saturday, the last thing I want to do is stay up late.

I'm dull. You're in it to work, man. You're working. Yeah. What's wrong with that? I don't know. So I did Leicester Square A couple of weeks ago Or about a month ago or so

And we weren't on an early flight home The next day And I was like great Don't have to get up With the baby in the morning I had a load of drinks that night Great fun But it's a real novelty for me

Yeah Real novelty When you've got kids Being hungover around kids Is one of the worst things You can do for your soul Yeah Like they don't know

Yeah yeah yeah Do you remember your birthday? I got hammered, slept horrifically, and Laura had decided she needed to go back to Nottingham that afternoon. I got back early afternoon and she basically went, cool, are you all right? I was like, ah! And she just gave me the two kids.

And it's one of the worst hangovers I've ever had. It was just made so much, but that beautiful, innocent face going, Dratio, are you okay? And you're like, no, I'm dying inside. I think... Horrible. There would be nothing I'd be more suited to on a hangover

than looking after children. Because when I'm hungover, I want everything that children want. I want to put my favourite cartoon on and have all the snacks. Yeah. I feel like I'd be more on their level when they're like, so you,

daddy, daddy, I want chicken dinosaurs. I've got Bangladeshi kids. Yeah. I want chicken dinosaurs. You have to make them though. And you have to change their nappies.

You're not a participant. You're a facilitator. You don't get to be a third child. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck. I love Teletubbies. Well,

I'm not putting it on. I'm hung over. Get up. You won. you won chop chop stop crying yeah telly tubbies on let's watch telly tubbies you want chicken dinosaurs let's go and make chicken dinosaurs you want beans with it you never get to sit down let's have crisps let's have crisps and chicken dinosaurs why else are you talking to the kid like a sous chef let's go make let's let's all school makers they don't play a part yeah i'll go make it you sit there watch telly tubbies make sure you're paying attention i need to know everything when i do the means you do a crap you glaze a crap it doesn't work i just think i think when i'm when i'm hungover i am essentially another kid so i'd be on their

level i'd understand it i wouldn't be authoritarian with them i'd be like what do you want i guarantee i want the same thing i'm hung over everyone in a line listen to the whistle like it's not it's no authoritarian you just have to chase after the little fuckers yeah constantly like it's tiring no you don't get to be like i like turkey twizzlers as well let's all lie down and just watch a box set. They don't work like that. They've got needs. They do. Kids want cartoons and chicken dippers.

We're doing it wrong. Yeah, yeah. I think, do you know what I think it is? I genuinely believe this as well. Everyone we've had in, and I know we've done this sort of trope before, but I genuinely believe this. Whenever we have someone in who has kids,

they always get brought up, and I can feel the hatred in his eyes as he's looking at me. You're going to disappear like Kevin Hart, mate. I genuinely think you're all a bit... I know someone who can get VHS tapes. I think you're all a bit fucking stupid. I think you just don't know how to manipulate children,

and it's really, really easy. bit fucking stupid. I think you just don't know how to manipulate children. And it's really, really easy. They're stupid. You just have to make them think it was their idea and then they want to do it. If that's isolated and taken out of context, that's bad for you. That's bad. You're going to be emailing Louis C.K.

being like, man, I need to sell tickets because this is not easy. I like the idea of drinking on tour but that goes against me like to be in bed early yeah so after a tour show i'm like great don't have to get up in the morning fly this until lunchtime but after but it's quarter past 11 so what are we doing here like when i did hot water last year the show was she didn't finish till like midnight it was horrific for me. Do you like getting food on tour?

I drank my body weight in Guinness on the island of Ireland. Yeah. I drank so much. It doesn't, Shane, does it? I don't do it. I don't know why I'm saying that, but it doesn't have to be. I don't do it.

If you're a manipulator of children, you really like to relax when you're abroad. I'm a drunk manipulator of children. My doctor told me recently that 28 pints of Guinness a week is fine. That's like on target. And I reckon I went beyond my target this week. Right. Where did you find the Guinness?

Did you notice a difference in like Belfast and Dublin? It's better in Dublin than everywhere else. It's also better in Belfast than it is in Liverpool. Right. But it's still pretty great in Liverpool. Yeah. Yeah. But Dublin was the best.

See, there's a myth. There's a myth that apparently it's still pretty great In Liverpool Yeah But Dublin was the best See there's a Myth There's a myth That apparently It's best in Donegal Because And this definitely Won't be People are like

In Dublin It's too fresh Which doesn't make sense It doesn't make sense It's too nice In Dublin Because they make it there So people go

By the time It gets to Belfast They go It's too late It's a 90 minute Journey It's not too late People go

Donegal's the sweet spot I was talking to the bartender About this very phenomenon And on and on Do do do do Right I'm so annoyed you did that Because I was going too

I was like yeah Apparently Guinness doesn't travel Particularly well And that's why it's different in the UK it's like Dennis Bergkamp

it's a niche reference that's so niche that's so niche there's a whole staff had it now that was good and he said

I don't think it's anything to do with that what it is we sell so much Guinness here that we're constantly pulling it it's constantly don't think it's anything to do with that. What it is, we sell so much Guinness here that we're constantly pulling it. It's constantly fresh kegs.

It's constantly, like, it's never sat. Yeah, apparently it's something to do with the distance as well between the keg and the pump. So if you're on, like, a real long line, it's not that nice. But if it's close, if it's right by it, it's good. He reckons it's because they're constantly, what? Oh, well, I'm going to try my first pint of Guinness In Dublin

Oh yeah Yeah So you know I'll have a pint of Guinness with you In Belfast If I'm unusual That would ruin it Yeah

But yeah I'll be there As long as it's As long as it's pre 8.15 Yeah it'll be at 3 o'clock in the day And then we'll go to hospital With me just to be sure

We'll sit in A&E for 10 minutes Just to make sure I don't die But Yeah I'm into it But I'm not having a baby Guinness with it Just because it looks the same It's not the same thing But they do go hand in hand though

Yeah They've never done though Have they Until about two years ago It's a new thing isn't it It's a new phenomenon No no no I actually don't even know

What a baby Is it Bailey's and something else Yeah so it's A coffee liqueur Either tamarillo or kalua and then you just top the very top of it off uh you won't have heard about it because it just spelfast the baby guinness there isn't great in donagall yeah in the gay district of donagall i don't know if you know the gay quarter of donagall it tastes delicious gay allen house. It's the best shot you can have. Right. You're not having one today?

Well, I have dairy intolerance, so... So have I. I'm just doing fuck all about it. Impressive. People think, like, definitely when people from home come to tour shows in, like, Liverpool or Manchester or London, they're like Where are you going after this Where are you going big man

After this I'm like The hotel To sleep Or A little bit of football manager Before sleep Just a bit

Just a bit Is that your vice then No drinking It's football manager If I look knackered The next morning People are like Oh were you on it

I was like I was on the promotion hunt With Bourne Do you have any vice do you do coke have you ever tried heroin yeah

coke and footy manager would get intense wouldn't it when you've done three seasons in one night I don't have a vice but I'll probably

at 45 I'll do something mad would you try heroin no because I can't even handle like milk so I don't think I have so many intoler, because I can't even handle milk. So I don't think... I have so many intolerances that I can't...

You just assume you're heroin intolerant? Yeah, I think it would give me a dicky tummy, so I wouldn't like to... No, I'm nothing. Nothing. Not even if you were terminally ill? Lacto-free heroin? No.

You're on your deathbed, you've been told you've got two hours to live. Do you want some smach? No. No. I just don't i like no because it's not a good way to say goodbye to your family yeah everyone's like bye-bye shame bye-bye father golden brown sex election what if all your family had died in a house fire years before well this is getting convoluted isn't it I would do it then yeah yeah cool I would do it yeah I'll do it now yeah get some

no I I'm I'm a man of simple pleasures yeah honestly walk around Liverpool one for half an hour

and thought that was great it is good innit yeah I do that on any day off I've got just have a little stroll around there now

I live near there so yeah I've a little spend a little stroll around there now I live near there so yeah I have a little spend a lot of money shopping you spend it? no like not but not to be confused

what's going on Shane now because you're definitely good at comedy but there's not enough weird and evil in you but that's what I'm worried about yeah there will be at some point it's on a delay and it's going gonna be something Huge

What's your biggest fear? Honestly Over intense podcast questions Yeah Not prepared for that You got any regrets? Yeah the cab here Is this confession?

Do you have any fears? What's the biggest mistake you made as a child? Can I just say We've never asked this to any Just before we started recording Adam was like don't worry just chill It's not an interview Any biggest fears?

Where did he touch you Shane? The only regret as a child was trusting a man Who called himself A manipulator of children I met him Yeah He's me He's me

No probably Shooter now You want to see him In a small room though With kids I would have a relatively Low IQ Yeah

Yeah Deceptively low IQ So like I don't worry About a lot of stuff Are you a bit stupid Yeah Yeah But I give the

I'm quite good at giving the impression I'm not Yeah Then it'll come out in some ways Oh being workably thick Has worked out Fucking great for me Like some days

I'll just walk around the house But I don't know what room I'm going into If that makes sense Like I'll just take off And see where I end up I can I am

I'm relatively thick Where you going babe I don't know No honestly it's I will never just be Hanging about Like I'll never just be Loitering

I will go somewhere But that's anyone's guess I could be in the utility room For an hour Doing what Thinking about where I'm going next You putting the wash on No

Yeah It's philosophising In the utility room Where should I go When Why You got out of that beautifully Cheers

I mean Absolutely top work Do you regret any of your childhood I regret a lot of my adult life I mean it's paying well but what damage does it do in long term? let's have a break to have a think

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punk? No, you're not. Declan Lennon says, wag wag lids. Oh, Decky, back in touch after all this time. Just let me, wag wag lids. Would you write? You read it,

mate? Don't do your Dublin Read it mate You read all the information Me Shane listen mate Answer when When you're finished mate By the way If that's Turkish

That's 100% spot on It is good innit That's It's such a like It's a barman in Turkey Yeah Who has a bit of chat Oh

A guy who runs a takeaway Chili garlic on your kebab mate Yeah Joe it's particularly good The mate Like the mate is spot on Not a problem mate He's overthinking it now

But at the time that was so good Think it out mate Declan Lennon says Would you rather eat I haven't read these properly Would you rather eat an elderly family acquaintance Or an elderly family pet You have to do You can't just be like I don't read these properly. Would you rather eat an elderly family acquaintance or an elderly family pet? You have to do,

you can't just be like, I don't want to do either. Yeah. Can't wait to see if rowey bags can make a plausible way of eating someone's granny. All the best. Declan Ficot-Bredge. Declan Ficot-Bredge.

I'm assuming he means like, someone is deceased and you're actually eating their remains rather than, he's not talking about licking someone else, is he? I think you know full well that that was not implied. But I'm glad you've sent us there. No, it's a person's alive, right? Because my answers are very different.

Right. You don't have to kill them, but they are recently deceased, they're elderly and they're gone. You have to stick them on the grill. Remember earlier you said, do you have any vices? And I said, I think at about 45, I'll do something mad. This is it.

This is it. Get Fido on the flames. Elderly cannibalism. Oh, nice. Yeah. I have to clarify. There's not much meat on this. It's like pigeon.

The answers are different depending on. Yeah, they are but you knew full well I don't want to think about licking out Moira's old gooch I'd rather stop it

I'd rather lick out my auntie than a dog but I'd rather eat the dog than eat my auntie yeah okay cool really yeah

no I don't think a dog is closer to a chicken than a woman is clip it out dropping truth by the way also Moira's old gooch is where I'm from to a chicken than a woman is. Clip it out. Drop in truth. By the way, also, Moira's Old Gooch is where I'm from. Lovely, lovely area.

I can tell, I can tell, take it to Belfast. I can tell, fuck all Moira's Old Gooch. Yeah, yeah. I don't want to listen to the brother-in-law.

Great for school trips though. You can't have a go at me muscle goods yeah yeah because I don't want to listen to the brother-in-law great for school trips though you can't have a go at me for clarifying what questions mean if it's licking licking out

it was never it was eating it was culinary oh I know that now I need to know for sure well let's learn together yeah you'd eat a dog wouldn't you

it depends what no no I think you'd eat human flesh before animal flesh. Old granny. There's not many fat grannies, though. They're not good for the...

The only reason you don't eat dog is because you've been told it's wrong. Like, you eat all the other animals, don't you? You eat pigs, cows, chickens, turkeys. Budgie. Budgies. Bit of fried budgie. I'd eat a ferret if needs must. Yeah.

Oh, I'd eat anything. I'd eat him if it got serious. yeah oh I'd eat anything I'd eat him if it got serious yeah but you'd rather eat the animal because it is how do you like

your Adam Rowe mate in a naan bread come on mate come on mate oh yeah let's have nana in a naan come on yeah yeah

she sounds fine a nana nana it's very good it's a bit of old moira get her gooch leave it on grill peri peri little bit of lemon moira get her gooch leave it on grill peri peri a little bit of lemon

head on moira's gooch garlic mayo peri peri and then it's good isn't it you don't no one want to bite the dead granny let me put it on nam red kofko beautiful we call this what are you having canada diet coke we call this kebab because mo Moira's good. Moira's good. Pretty fatty. Don't want to drink sugar with it. We call this the do-do-do-do-do. Because it's na-na-na. You've been sat on that way too long. Stop talking.

Stop talking. Na-na-na. It's a na-na-na-na-na. A na-na-na-na-na. Na-na-na. Naan dobs. Yeah. I'm thinking pretty much anything.

One chili garlic on your grandmother, mate. One chili garlic on your breast of grandmother, mate. Oh, not the breast. Lettuce, mate. Thigh. I'll go thigh, mate. Tomato, mate. You've got to eat an old woman.

Thigh, innit? There's not going much on there, though. You want peri salt on your nan's tits, mate There's not going much on there though No What you want You want perry salt on your nans tits mate Oh shit he's Turkish by the way What you want is under the arm Are you Oh my god

Merhaba Merhaba That's what's in Jesus Christ Don't know anymore I don't even know what merhaba means How many tickets can you sell in Bodrum Sure

The Bodrum I've been twice Yeah yeah Not to get anything done Before you over examine me There's an agent who's like Listen Listen mate I want to sign you

We've got president Odoan Got a great roster Shentod I did a work in progress At the bottom fringe For a few days Which was good

No turkey I like turkey My mate actually went To say he's going to get A bottom fringe Clippy Clippy Clippy My mate actually went to Turkey to get a Bodrum Fringe. Clip it! Clip it! Clip it! Everyone nailed that.

That's a clip. If you don't clip that, we're having words. I know it's culturally insensitive to your people. Dylan Salt says Hi Lids Got a would you rather for you Would you rather fight A Warwick Davis sized Francis Ngannou

Or Fight a Ngannou sized Warwick For reference Ngannou is 6 foot 4 Warwick Davis is 3 foot 6 Both keep their own Abilities to fight What a fucking stupid Question Four, Wart Davis is three foot six. Both keep their own abilities to fight.

What a fucking stupid question. You want the little one, don't you? Just fucking volley him in the head. Not if he's got the same fighting ability. Yeah. Then you're fucked. I don't care whether you're a black belt in anything. If you're that small, I'll punch your head in. But he can take you down.

He's got the loose end of gravity he comes at your ankles can't take me down I'm going away he is a Francis Ngannou with that punching power now he's at the same height as your dick

yeah one Ngannou stay there kid but then if Warwick Davis if he's that height he'd be dangerous because he'll get carried away

with it yeah willow he'll love it he'll be so happy to be dangerous because he'll get carried away with it. Willow. He'll love it. He'll be so happy to be that size. He'll have like all the attention.

And also, I think Warwick Davis is a seal. Not to be offensive, but, not to be offensive. Let's just clear the decks for this but.

Right? Little people are quite dense. Right. Right? Oh yeah. So, they're very sort are quite dense. Right. Right? Oh, yeah. So they're very sort of weighty. They're heavier than you expect them to be.

Well, at six foot four. I've had to pick a little person up before. Talk to me. I can't. Really? Did you find them in the washing pile? What are you doing under there, Warwick Davis? Willow.

So they're a lot heavier than you think they are and I'm assuming did she go on top I'm assuming I'm assuming that when they're Francis and Garnie size that the density

is the same that's going to be the heaviest thing ever you're trying to punch that you're going to break your hand oh my god I want to see both of these fights so much

anyone anyone that small I reckon I could absolutely end their life with one dig. Or manipulate them. A 10-year-old judo champion would kick the fuck out of us. No! 1000%.

What you're doing there, you're applying some logic, right? Adam thinks he can beat the current judo champion. Look, look! I'm sorry there isn't a 10 year old child on the planet who could hang with me in the octagon

not true have you ever seen Ripley's believe it or not some kids running about there do damage to you like the wolf boys you know the wolf boys

no of like Peru I think you know they have hair all over their face you've never seen these guys real werewolf boys they fuck you up so well Of like a Peru I think You know they They have hair all over their face Fucking punch their head

You never seen these guys? No Real werewolf boys They fuck you up so bad We need to google this What's this? How hairy are they? Just google

Finn just google werewolf boys Werewolf boys? Yeah yeah yeah Pull that shit up Jamie Werewolf boys Oh they're a bit older now That's Adam Before he's been to see

Yeah yeah yeah Oh my You think I couldn't bang him? I'd make him look a cunt. I think you'd be a little bit of a taken back when you

saw him and that's when you'd strike. Yeah. And if it was a full moon you'd be fucked. No. He's got abs.

He looks friendly though this one. He does. There could be some. Yeah. Can we get a less special needs wolf boy? Can we get an actual.

You say Peru. Wolf. Oh hello. Wolf man. Should we be family then? Wolf. He's not one of the Yeah Can we get a less special needs Wolf boy Can we get an actual Say Peru Wolf Oh hello Wolf man There should be family in them Wolf This is There's not much in terms of fighting

Do you know what They probably don't The proper Manscaped have probably Got to them now Probably immaculate They're every Manscaped

They're probably Use code Wolf10 There isn't a 10 year old on the planet Who would Who would come close Well now you just have

Patreon content Because set that up I can't beat a 10 year old up It's illegal innit Not if it's a professional fight Can't be a professional fight You're a 10 though can you What did I say earlier

When you're in Northern Ireland We can get you anything If you need a licence For that fight I can get you a licence I thought you were going to say We can get you a 10 year Ireland we can get you anything if you need a license for that fight I can get you a license we can get you a 10 year old

we can get you a license for that fight and when we're done we'll film it we'll release it on VHS VHS it's only

available in Nat West branches year 5 Moira's Gooch primary yeah you've seen Nat West have just opened in Afghanistan

it's called Nat Death to the West let it hang I saw that joke earlier But I missed the Missed the time to say Jürgen said to me Oh god

What shall we do? Shall we do a little bit more advice? I go to the advice quite a lot. I quite like it. Because I'm good at it, aren't I? Because we... I don't know. I feel it really goes down the two lanes really well.

You either actually have advice or you just take the piss mercilessly. I've never... Are you two hearing music? There's something going on. No, I'm having an aneurysm. They're hearing music. I don't wear the headphones

Because It makes me hot And I don't like it Jake Jake Hot ears are not good Jake Sometimes I

Like just listening It makes me hot I don't like it My name's Adam Rowan And I sometimes get hot head Still a few tickets Left for the Philharmonic Jake Garrett says Wag wag lids Gotta have a word Or some advice needed For a mate Oh beautiful Sometimes get hothead. Still a few tickets left for the Philharmonic.

Jake Garrett says, Wag wag lids, got to have a word or some advice needed for a mate. Oh, beautiful. Basically, a mate of mine was telling me about his new girlfriend. They've been together about three or four months, and it's all going sound. The issue is his best mate took the girlfriend's identical twin sister out, and I made a few jokes saying his mate saw his missus and thought,

oh, I want a bit of that, et cetera. And he laughed, but then looked upset. Obviously, I then stopped and asked if he was okay, et cetera. And he said he was, but then had to go off and do something. And I haven't really spoken to him since. Was wondering if you had any thoughts or advice for this lad, as after I thought about it, it's awful and probably upsetting for him. Nice one, lids. Keep smashing it. From Jake. It sounds like an insecure gimp. So if you're going to date someone who's got an identical twin, you've got to understand that at some point that identical twin is going to be

fucking someone. Are you going to constantly look at their partner being like, you fancy my missus? No, because that removes the idea that personality is important. Maybe the other twin's a dull cunt. That removes the idea that personality is important. Maybe the other twin's a dull cunt. He's overthinking it there. I kind of see it, though. I kind of see it. If you meet someone and you're like,

this is the love of my life. We're new. Three or four months in, you're kind of insecure, aren't you? You're still trying. You've not pooed in front of them, right? And then they've got an identical to most normal humans. Can we just reverse the bus? Right, right no you don't poo in front of your partner in the first three or four months i haven't done it in front of laura yeah no i've

never done it i've gone kim jong-un no i've stitched it up i've never have i trick her to come into the room are you pooing of course i'll leave the door open and make sure it doesn't sound like you know because they can hear the acoustic of a bathroom. It's more echoey. I'm like, babe. Then she'll come up the landing. People know when I'm pooing though, because there's birds outside.

Ask me my favourite colour. Falling out of trees. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dead carrying. Yeah. The dogs start barking. Because there's a smell that only they can smell. There's a chemical fire. Oh oh no adam's shitting also i'm pretty sure tricking someone to come into the bathroom when i'm doing what i'm doing is well it could end the chemical

warfare that it's chemical warfare in front of you i know not to bring oh sorry finn did you shit in front of your old missus not on purpose like if they just come in to get something then she would do that it's not like I'm not welcoming her in a classic leaving the filing cabinet in the

bathroom situation do Liverpool not have locks on why does no one have a lock on their door here you trick me bathroom time is

private time leave me poo I leave the door open my house I pay the mortgage sniff it up I am the king by the way

are they identical twins yeah right see there that's weird anyway being identical yeah it is i think it's proof that there is no jesus it's not weird unless you both are adults and have the same haircut right that's all that's odd wear the same kit and then get in a fucking boy band or just fuck off yeah identical twins hi just makes me believe that this is all random horrific chance how can there be a creator and he'd be like oh look i've made another beautiful person and press the photocopy button too yeah it's not doesn't doesn't it affirms my atheism it's cute as kids but then there's a point where it's weird yeah i just think it must be really off-putting for the kid like there's no one like you babe you're a total one off what about jessica

well apart from your 50 i mean i've got to be honest if you've got identical twins as kids and you tell either of them that and that's just a faux pas on your part as a parent right okay cool you know a lot about parenting don't you i should do a parent advice podcast separate oh i might be the first non-parent i've ever parented podcast you might yeah you have that podcast i'm gonna do that i've been looking for a spin-off project i would love you to get stabbed to death by a new mother with postnatal depression that'd be fucking brilliant i just won't invite any women on the podcast why would you need that why would you want them on for a parenting podcast? How to do parenting as a man.

That's what we'll call it. Oh, yeah. Make it about being, no, how to parent as a mother by Adam Rowe. Have you seen Adam's new podcast, The Fourth Trimester? Yeah, it's pissed a few people off.

Fourth Trimester? Oh, because it's after birth? Yeah. That works. Doesn't it? me and my mate Dave didn't want to BBC you didn't mean it I did

there's a thing called the fourth trimester it's a it's not I've not made it up it's about the first three months of a newborn's life that's it

but you'll know about that when you start the podcast we did one we did a dad podcast for BBC sounds nobody listened to it

because it wasn't that good but then it was also just us speaking to other dads and being like this is tough isn't it like it never got like we never turned it around it was always just like it stayed at the one level of oh never just be tired and yeah you know it must be it must work like josh widdicombe and uh and rob becker are flying aren't they yeah there is some funny stuff with parenting that you, I think new dads is a bit, is a bit more,

she's still in the blast zone of the, yeah. Yeah. But not for Adam. He's going to be, it's going to be great. He'll be absolutely fine. The kid will be supporting him at the Philharmonic within four months.

Yeah. Yeah. He's got croup, but a tight 20. Right. You couldn't, are you telling So you couldn't Are you telling me You couldn't date An identical twin

No I'm just saying If Laura had an identical twin And when you When I met her You were like Tell you what lad She's lovely Laura I quite like her sister

Basically Right You're asking to see My wife naked aren't you I'm on a technicality It's only a problem If he sees your wife And doesn't know

she has an identical twin and goes, well, does she have an identical twin sister? Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's where you're like, whoa. I'm not saying

I'd love to fuck your wife. I'm saying I'd love to fuck an identical twin sister should she exist. Yeah. So that's not offensive. Yeah. I want to see

your wife's tits on a different woman. Similar tits. that's a compliment it is yeah I can see the I can see the guy's point but yeah getting annoyed

and wandering off having an identical twin like sort of that you're close to like that like if you're dating their sister can come in handy

like let's say you've got a wedding to go to and your partner is seriously ill in bed you're like say you've got a wedding to go to and your partner is seriously ill in bed. You're like, oh, I've got to go to the wedding. Take your sister. Are you writing a rom-com?

This is the parent trap. Unbelievable. A bit more advice because Adam's on fucking fine form. Wag wag lids. I'd like to stay in. This is from John. I'd like to stay in. This is from John. I'd like to stay anonymous as a few friends of mine

listen to the pod. All right, you fucking pussy. I've been sleeping with a girl I work with for a month now. Just for context, she's just got out of a four year relationship.

Everything is going, I don't know what that's got to do with it. Context, really? Just for context, she's Jewish. Big girl. Just for context.

Everything is going great. However, when we have sex, I struggle to finish because she's Jewish. No, I'm joking. Sorry. I've ruined it. I've ruined it. Everything is going great.

She's Jewish. Fucking massive. I'm not ruined it. I've ruined it. Everything is going great. Chris Stewart. Fucking massive. I'm not into it. I don't know why I keep fucking up. I don't know why I keep doing this to myself. I'm really not attracted to this woman. And I'm an anti-Semite. I don't know what I'm doing.

I like skinny Christians. Oh, God. I like skinny Christians Oh god Everything is going great However when Whenever we have sex I struggle to finish I can finish no problem If I'm having alone time Mate

If you just described a wank As alone time Oh my god And during sex I can stay full mast. Oh my God. You're a paedophile. That's the problem.

She's starting to worry that it's her. What should I do? I want this taken seriously, this one. I think he deserves it. You know, because he can stay full mast during alone time and with his friend. I don't really know what to suggest i mean to be honest yeah

i i have this problem when i'm drunk and women are always fucking whinging about it as well because women take it as an insult if you can't come they're like oh well one time i ended up with friction burns on my cock because the woman wouldn't leave me alone. What? So, we were having sex, right? And I was drunk and I couldn't finish. And she took that as, we'll see about that. And she just wouldn't stop. She tried fucking everything.

She was sucking like a Henry Hoover. She fing't stop. She tried fucking everything. She was sucking like a Henry Hoover. She fingered me. She rode me as much as she could. And nothing was happening. Did everything just dry up? Did you run out of hydration? Sometimes when I'm drunk, I just can't come. I'm personal.

Oh, no. It's not that I don't want to come in you. I don't want to come in anyone. And I said that to her Is it not more like You know The physicality Rather than Than the intent

Do you think It's not that you don't want to It's just you can't Yeah You can't You can't That was a journey That one

That was a journey What did she do Wank you off with sandpaper? What happened? How did it go? Well, she fucked me for so long that, you know, you get friction pains. Did you consent?

Are you admitting something? Are you having a flashback? Are you all right? I didn't tell her to stop. But it can't have been enjoyable for anybody at that point. No, she was just very determined. It was like getting a Chinese pain on your cock. She sounds thorough. She was.

Wonderful woman. Have a word pot at gmail.com Let us know who you are. She likes a challenge. Get some lube. I don't know what you're meant to do here, man. I don't know what you're meant to do. What are you meant to do with this?

The one who can't finish. I've always had the problem the other way. I've got an idea. I get excited like, oh, sorry. I've got an idea. I actually didn't last very long with my wife the last time we had sex. It was just such a treat. I was like, no.

Apologies. I've got an idea. Go on. Before you fuck her. Oh, no, I know where this is going You're gonna say knock one out Yeah Or You come in a receptacle

Oh no Keep that to the side of the bed Oh no You fuck in the dark You're not gonna spider man her Adam are you a serial killer What Are you a serial killer

I'm a serial woman pleaser See as soon as you say receptacle You're gonna kill people at some point in your life get the tupperware out quietly pop it like it's hot what's in the tub

oh this is where your Turkish friend could little bit of garlic mayo can I have extra garlic mayo in a small receptacle place yes if you like you don't need any mayo

you come into a cup for example or a pot Any receptacle will do Pot? Right Like a porridge pot Like a big fucking

You know Casserole dish You come into a pot You fuck in the dark And then when you're Sort of bored of trying to cum You go Oh I'm gonna cum

I'm gonna cum And then you just Fucking chuck it on her You're like there you go You're gonna need there you go. You're going to need to keep it warm. Yeah. How are you doing that?

Just on a low heat. Get a microwave for your bedroom. I explained in the ping. Did I just hear a ping? Yeah, I'm really horny. That's when you know I'm at full mast. No, because in the microwave with you come,

you put a rustler's burger and then you split it when you're done. Romantic as well. You're covered in cum, have a chicken burger. And if that guy's

a bigger lad, the idea of the rustler's burgers on the way might do the job for him. It might as well. Maybe you don't need to be thinking about

a woman when you're trying to fuck. Maybe you need to be thinking about your dinner. Yeah. Yeah, think about Rustler's burgers. Let us know how that goes. I am looking for... It's the next Rustler's ad. Just full sex. Seven o'clock at night on TV.

Do you want to try something different in the bedroom tonight? Let me just get the microwave. Tell me it wouldn't work i won't i will not it's not my job to should we do i have a word and get the fucking if you oh sorry come in the microwave it would it would curl in fertile no it would curl for sure not like in the shower do the same kind of thing oh fit no it's just like if you you just learnt so much about your shower no you know

oh you poor mother fit what's these stains in the shower I think it would curdle yeah I don't think the consistency when you heated it would be good No but That's not what I'm really asking

If I was to come in a In a pot And put it in the microwave As if you haven't And then I sort of Slung it up a woman You'd have a chanel kid Coach you'd get pregnant

He's just lost two Belfast dates Because of this conversation He's down to seven No Although is this an urban myth When it's airborne It It kills the sperm

They've got seconds You've got to get it in the microwave How long do you think his jet is We're like Apparently legendary Like the fucking Piccadilly line Yeah I think it might be I don't know

Either that or I don't Let's you know The spill me dicky line Have you had a stroke? Right One more Also so weird of that guy

To like get in touch with you For that Yeah As he's just after she leaves He's sitting on the edge Of his bed Like I need to do Something about this Compose email

Please don't stop though Haveawoodpod At gmail.com I know we don't Take them seriously And I know some of you Are really Speak for yourself

You know He's on his way To Curry's right now Curry's and Tesco Express 850 watt Sharp Via

And a teapot Oh what is it in Ireland Abra cababra We don't is it in Ireland Abra cababra We don't bury my graves in abra cababra What do you mean I was going for the garlic mayo Oh abra cababra In the south

And there's a There's They're coming into the north Nice Nah if that's not a sign of progress Come on maybe you sleeper cells about it If that's not a sign of progress What is

Abra cababra Building bridges mate Abraadabra building bridges meat across the soft boulder meat put it in tupperware throw up a lead but it's too hot don't worry it's infertile put it on one minute we need to close this off so bitching about neighbours you can choose Shane you've been a phenomenal guest

we've loved having you thanks Rob getting ID'd at Tesco's is one lady in the gym is two or we've got bitching about the neighbours three

where would you like to go for this have a word let's wrap this bad boy up two please go two oh no it's not a lady in the gym Bitching about the neighbours three. Where would you like to go for this? Have a word. Let's wrap this bad boy up. Two, please. Go two. Oh, no, it's not a ladies' gym. It's the boy dem at the gym. Can you have a word with my mate?

We go to the gym, and when he's there, he makes a point of being as noisy as possible, grunting like a pissed-off walrus in mating season, and throwing himself around, acting like Billy Big Bollocks, like he owns the place. To make it even worse, he started with the juice a few months back that's steroids guys if you don't know the industry obviously i do he uh he started on the juice and it looks like

he looks like a shit over inflated balloon animal that you see at a kid's party making it look like he has bought all his clothes from mother care on the closing down sale me and a few mates have tried telling him that he is acting and looks like a knob but he just smirks and thinks we're all taking the piss and actually that we're jealous please have a word once again let's keep up the good work the grunting Juicing Nobbed mate at the gym During the Edinburgh Fringe one year At the gym There was a guy Same

Same Day Same time every day I was there He was there And he was a big guy And he used to squat Every day

And say his own He had headphones in And he was a big guy Definitely on the juice And every Every time Every time he was doing a rep I'm assuming his juice And every time Every time he was doing a rap I'm assuming his name was Richard

Because every time he'd do a rap He would go Richard Every time Richard Just a big grunt of Richard Might have just been his favourite king Richard

Yeah that's true Wow yeah Which one? First? Second? Third? He wouldn't call him Richard If it wasn't the first would he? Richard the him Richard if it wasn't the first, would he?

Richard the First? Richard the First wasn't known as Richard the First. Oh, Richard on the peck deck. It was King Richard the Third. King Richard the Second. Benny would be saying Richard the Second. Yeah, that's true. That is...

That is psycho, innit? Yeah. That is... All the grunting type stuff I hate. Slamming down weights, all that kind of stuff. I don't know if weights Heavy enough to Make a noise When I drop them

But I hate all that stuff Yeah What's your opinion on Overzealous tennis players? Yeah it's annoying isn't it? Yeah It's become like a thing

It's like You want to be the loudest one You want to It doesn't make sense It adds to the atmosphere Doesn't it? Sounds like a thing. It's like you want to be the loudest one. You want to do... It doesn't make sense. It adds to the atmosphere, doesn't it? It's like a dump valve. Ka-choo! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Right. You're making it sound more sexy than it is. It's more fucking sexy. That's Sharapova, that. Maria Sharapova? Yeah.

But when Tim Henman does it, weird. Yeah. I only make noise during sport When I box I go Sh, sh, sh I don't box But if I did I would do that

Do you box? No Right I go round the house That's what I do When I'm working out What room to go into In between

Sh, sh No, no See you're going old school With the huss huss Sh, sh Oh really? Yeah That's all with speed Like you can't whistle no no see you're going old school with the huss huss oh really yeah that's all but speed like you can't whistle

a man with no teeth trying to call his dog yeah kind of gotta end this podcast we're gonna end this podcast in places it's been as good as we've ever done in other places

I've looked around and we're all we all look at each other like shh shh come here Fido shh

shh yeah pow pow oh that'd be great if you were so good at boxing you could make your own to annoy your competitor

like what what well they do trash talking don't they no but like No but needling By like

Yeah They're mad to just like Richard Richard Fucks Richard Dick Fuck you Fuck off

Flaps Flaps Moira's gooch Would it not be better In a fight like that To just act a bit mental That's what you're gonna have to do Against a ten year old

Yeah That's the number one boxer in England Tyson Fury little bit little bit unhinged he does some mad stuff yeah there's some showboating

yeah but I mean but it's always it's like I've seen showboating before where it's very high status he plays weirdly low status doesn't he

on some of the on some of the fucking around might be a Paddy Barnes Olympic bronze medalist had his first pro fight In Belfast Couple thousand people at it Thing was televised

Big deal Fought a Bulgarian journeyman Who the pluck didn't work Guy's like late 30s No one had heard of him Terrible record Paddy's like It's brilliant

Home city First fight after the Olympics Going pro Starts a fight Paddy's trying to get his shots away The guy just Tries to grab him You know

That's such an annoying thing Watching boxing Guy just keeps grabbing him In the first round Paddy goes to hit the guy Guy gets Paddy In a fireman's lift Walks around the ring once

With Paddy Paddy's tiny And Paddy's like You know like if you were lifting Like an angry wee man Away from like a Paddy's still throwing digs The guy goes

Fireman's lift Walk around the ring And then just walked out Mid fight The guy just walked out of the ring In his gear And out of the exhibition centre And that was

That was like the fight He lifted him up Walked around the ring Lifted him up In a fireman's lift Walked around the ring Had a mental breakdown And just walked

And left Paddy's like He walked out of the arena In his shorts And his boxing gloves And no one That They'd never heard from him again

Honestly I would give so much money To be in the changing rooms When the promoter comes in and goes I don't know what's happened I'm really sorry He came with great recommendations What the fuck

Who booked him? He just left Crazy Yevgeny Scared the shit out of the opponent Who booked him? He just left. Crazy Yevgeny. Scared the shit out of the opponent. You've got to back it up though, haven't you? I've said this to boxers before. If I was fighting with a professional boxer,

you've got to play mind games. I would just start something that really gets him thinking and distracts him. Like I'd say, you got that email earlier, didn't you? And leave him to it. And then the next round, when you get close, you go, I don't to it And then the next round When you get close You go I don't think it's anything

To worry about In the rear Yeah And then I just dropped me I dropped my guard And me like Hang on

Fuck off Yeah Oh hang on The prints in the seam Off of the Remember you used to Off of the chin Make it look like

They're getting Like someone's coming From behind No there's no Rule against that Tricking your opponents into thinking there's a pitch invader.

Microwave. The mic row wave. It's your own cum. Your own warm cum. There's rules about that. I mean, if there's not, there should be. It's got to be

a certain temperature. Have you seen Adam Rowe's finisher? I don't think you want to. Let's hope he doesn't do it with a 10 year old I think that was good

ladies and gents this has been a podcast I have something for you guys no yeah because

yeah because I I really appreciate you having me on it's been a fun day me traveling over Liverpool so I just I brought you some gifts.

That's great. We can do that. Before we do that, can you just tell all of our listeners where they can find you? Liverpool 1. Wandering about. Just dead happy.

Great stores, great shops. I am going on like a UK, Ireland tour. I am doing hot water. Don't have a date confirmed, but I think it's going to be September Okay Kind of time Where do all your dates get listed?

Oh Just the web What's your website? Shane Todd I don't know if I still own the domain But just Shane You know what to do

Can we find Shane Todd? Shane Todd Comedy But honestly I think I stopped paying GoDaddy for it I bet you it's not there so your Instagram is Shane Todd comedy theshanetodd.com here I genuinely

yeah look look look I didn't yeah shows that's January 2021 yeah oh just like you know Instagram

Twitter what are they what are your handles just Shane Todd they're all they'll all be they'll be in the episode when Shane's name comes up Shane Todd instagram shane todd comedy on tiktok

twitter just say chain absolutely brilliant that's a pleasure thanks for coming over man okay can i give you guys some gifts yeah you like that i've done this yeah now let me just say all sourced in a different shop nice that's That's a nice touch. Last time we got given gifts, it was from an SO garage, so like... I got gas in store like SOs at Tesco's. I'll shake you up and explode like Mentos and fresh Coke. So, Finn? Hello.

I actually like, I've met Adam a good few times. I don't know Dan, but Finn, I don't know you at all. So I went quite neutral on this. I just got you a pick and mix mate That is fucking Class

There you go Now I don't know what you're into specifically So there's like a medley Is there a yellow belly jelly snake in there? There's snakes in there yeah But that's for Finn These are mine

Dan Hi The only thing I really know about you Apart from being a stand up Is that you always wear a hat Yeah So I went to just like a vintage clothes shop in Liverpool. Shut up.

I just got you what I thought was just a nice looking baseball cap. Thank you very much. It says Mondial. It's like a Belgian thing. Price tag on it. I love Belgians. I love Belgians. Eight quid.

Oh, mate. Thank you so much. No worries. And then, then Adam appreciate you Doing my podcast recently Yeah So I got my mate To make this

So close your eyes So Now you can You can put this up Whatever way you want You can frame it You can do that sort of thing My mate Tony

A.k.a. Talisman T Made this You can put that up In your bathroom In your house Something like that Fucking sick He drew that for you

So Finn You've got that's amazing can you share the pick and mix Finn come on yeah Finn do share

come on can I have a look I like quite a few of them that's phenomenal I'm not lobbing it because the lid's going to come off the lid is going to

we know lids come on I'll catch it I'm going to try and catch it Dan I'm sorry I've had such a weird shape in your head I think it really

suits me teeth while these are eating sweets I'm sorry. I've had such a weird shape in your head. No, I think it really suits me. I think it looks good. While these are eating sweets, I'm just going to do the featured artist of the week. So, audio listeners, you'll hear a song at the end of this. This week's is from Finn Forster.

It's called Stay Right to the End. Finn is a Patreon, and he supported UB40. How cool is that? What? He supported UB40 How cool is that? What? He supported UB40 Can I just say Brown Dolly mixtures Are fucking horrible

Am I going to get any? Yeah you can have Brown Dolly mixtures I don't think Same as those I don't think the colour Changes the flavour Oh I don't know

No the orange ones Taste like orange Same with winegum So do you think really There's a big difference No it's like Smarties Isn't it? It's only the orange one That tastes orange. Is he a wine gum? So do you think really there's a big difference? No, it's like Smarties, isn't it? It's only the orange one that tastes of something that's not chocolate. Yeah.

Podcast content, chef. I've got two of these. You know where to find them. Jose. Same. Arena show. Love you guys. Come to the arena, you know.

Anyway. Love you. Appreciate it. Shane Todd, legend. Thanks for having me see you in Belfast man can't wait September 3rd

we'll see you Thank you. Through the streets of TS1 Streetlights shining so bright I can only see See the way to you and me Let's rise up, don't make up And break through all the noise that we can hear. And we have never heard. Oh, I said you didn't want it.

Said you didn't need it. We'll see right till the end. Didn't need it But stay right till the end And I Said you don't believe it Wait till you receive it And stay right till the end guitar solo Everything that was Let's rise up Come back up And break through all the noise

That we can hear And we have never heard No I Said you didn't want it Said you didn't need it Said you didn't need it You'll stay right till the end But I Said you don't believe it

Wait till you receive it You'll stay right till the end guitar solo I said you didn't want it, said you didn't need it But still right to the end Oh, did I Said you don't believe it Wait till you receive it Just stay right till the end Oh, and I

Said you didn't want it Said you didn't need it Just stay right till the end Oh, and I And he said, if you didn't need it, you'd stay right till the end And I said, I don't believe it Wait until you receive it, you'll stay right till the end We'll see you next time. you