Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #175 with Romesh Ranganathan - Have A Word w/Adam & Dan

Episode Date: June 6, 2022

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Now, I'm getting the word, nuts. Oh, you think darkness is your ally? Cha! Upset me, nasty bitch! Disgusting! Wag wag leads, you're listening to the funniest podcast in the game with Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn. Shut up, Finn.

You good-looking, big-fingered Welsh weirdo. This is the one and only the now infamous the soon to be legendary have a word go Ed get on me Whoa What? Well you said Are you happy?

And I was about to say Born happy But you pressed that Before I could reply You styled it out I styled it out Borneo Let's go Borneo that before I can reply. You styled it out? I styled it out.

Borneo. Let's go Borneo. Tickets available now for a live show in Borneo. Wag wag lids in Borneo, which is in Borneo. Where's Borneo? Is it in the States?

Yeah. Come on, bro. Borneo. Borneo. Jason. It's right next to French Guyana What in Africa? It's an island in Asia

Borneo Yep I think we should put a live show on there I think it's meant to be There's no way Is it near Bali? Yeah round about I can tell you the ethnic groups

Yeah Yeah we need to know the ethnic groups Before we do a show there We've got the Bajau Oh the Bajau They were born They're the Osgoodjaus Are they there as well?

They are These are the Austronesian ethnic group Austronesian Austronesian Austronesian That's the word Okay and Austros We that's the word okay and Austros

we've got the Banjars the Banjars yeah who are the first one the the Bajars

Bajars Bajars and we've got the the the the the

the the the the the the the the

the the the the the the the the

the the the the the the the the

the the the the the the the the

the the the the the the the the

the the the the the the the the

the the the the the the the the

the the the the the the the the

the the the the the the the the the the the the the new to the oh I'm sorry the blitz they're always late so I'm fine here part one hiya part one you're new to the podcast we've not all had

a collective aneurysm oh it's a giant rugged island in the south east Asia it's in the Malay archipelago I only do live shows at rugged islands

I'm sucking off a bejow so manly and indigenous welcome to the podcast we talk fucking bullshit la la la la should we allude to the fact that we've done this backwards yeah it's very backwards

this is a backwards podcast so usually we do it chronologically normally we do this bit and then we bring the guest in but we brought the guest in two days ago and now we're doing this bit. Because it was a big old guest. Yeah. Ramesh.

Ranganathan. And he was superb. That's coming up in sections three and four. If you want a little bit of taste of these guys, stick around. So usually you can't say how good it was in this section. Mad. But you know how good it's going to be.

But to them it's mad, isn't it? That's how you sell tickets in Borneo, Carl. Like, you know how good it's going to be. But Joe to them, it's mad, isn't it? That's how you sell tickets in Borneo, Carl. Yeah? You know the future. And it's fire. He was fucking great. Romesh is quality. I mean, he doesn't look like he's enjoying himself.

But we made him proper laugh a few times, which is great. Because from deadpan, couldn't give a shit, to properly rolling over laughing oh you got him so good at one point it was look forward to that no beds here you go yeah i am good thank you i'm going to a wedding on friday is it yours i'm going to my wedding fuck off we just realized we'd not got married you haven't invited us i thought i thought i was already married because i remember the day but i was boozing a lot of the time so i just imagined a wedding day who's wedding is it

it's my friend katie's uh muzzletoff she's not jewish katie muzzletoff is it not mulganoo what is it katie mulganoo no oh most katie muzzletoff your friend katie yes my friend katie we're getting married they're getting married in North Wales. Do you have confidence in their prospective manager? What, her and Graham? Yeah. Is this a public episode? Yeah.

Then yes. Yes, I do. Do you think they're going to last? And many more. Do you think they're going to last? Is it Graham with a H? I mean Yeah I want to say

Yeah Yeah Do you think if Graham Had to go overseas for work She'd fuck several people While he was away He's in Q8 Q8?

Yeah Can she wait? Oh Nice There's a Q for her Join the Q Wait Tell you what There's a cue for her. Join the cue. Wait.

Tell you what, if you miss any of the jokes, we just let you know that they've happened. You're like a little VAR on some of our banter. Do you know, the truth is, I don't care if they last. I just love a wedding. Now, I don't mean to seem negative here, but if all of my mates got married and divorced on a sort of three-year cycle, as long as they weren't like,

I'm just so unhappy, midpoint, I don't give a shit about that, I'll be there for the weddings because I'm a fun day drinker and I'm looking forward to it. I don't wish divorce and separation on anyone, but if you're going to do it, let's keep going back to the well

and let's have more parties. If there was something you've seen in their relationship that could lead to divorce. Oh, you want this, don't you? Oh, you really want this. I feel like I'd got myself out of that nicely. I don't mind if they divorce because I want more weddings. Yeah, yeah, that's hearsay.

That's hearsay. I want more weddings. Yeah, yeah, that's hearsay. What problems have they got? So yeah, it's going to be really good. That's some of my friends who are on the naughty table on Friday. What's it called? One table, two naughty table, two naughty table. Yeah, it's the naughty table.

I don't need to know. Is it green with a H? I think so. Okay. I don't know. I've never seen his name written down you're gonna have to find out before it's pronounced differently it's pronounced differently and you'll feel weird what before you write the card out yeah what do you mean you have to spell it right you can't put to katie and graham slash graham i'll just let you know i'm going to this

wedding on my own laura's laura. Laura, we couldn't get a babysitter because we've called in too many favours here and there. I'll have to. Also, Laura wants to come to June 25th. She wants to come to see you at the Philharmonic. That's exciting. Adamro.co.uk. I know, that's what I've fucking told her.

Standing down the sidelines. You're not talent. Yeah, so she's not coming, so it's just me. So I, a 41-year-old, mainly straight man, am going to a wedding. Why would I be writing out a card? Can I just say, by the way, polite, occasion cards, birthday, Christmas, wedding,

can all fuck off. Thank you, Carl. Adam, do you honestly think I would go to a shop, get a card, write it out, and give it to them? What do you want them out? Would you? If you don't get me a card for my wedding, I'm going to be really upset.

Oh, I'd get the next one three years later. It'd be fine. What do you want a card for your stag to as well, you massive, vaginal lady? I want an acknowledgement. No, they're a burden. They are a burden. Cards.

Oh, I have to take this home now and then put it up for a week. To the environment and your windowsill. No, you get cardboard ones, I'm getting plastic cards that don't biodegrade. They're plastics. They're called cards for a reason. Here's a fucking credit.

That's yours. No, you wouldn't. You're just winding me up. You wouldn't. I really appreciate a card. I like a lovely message. That's yours. No, you wouldn't. You're just winding me up. You wouldn't. I really appreciate a card. I like a lovely message. Oh, no. Fuck off.

I like a lovely message in it. Oh, he wrote a lovely message in it. Did you read it? No, no, no. I don't want you to write a lovely message. I want you to find one that has got a lovely message printed in it. And none of this moon pig shite. I want you to go looking through Hallmark.

Right. And then when you get these cards, do you open them? Yeah. Do you? Yeah. Come on. Yeah.

Which birthday last have you got unopened cards? Like you're washing in a pile and then like cards from your 23rd birthday. I've got every birthday card I've ever had. Where is it? Oh my God. Oh my God. I'm going to break another. No, you don't.

You big fucking liar. That's not true. I've got every birthday card I've ever been given. Have you got a memory box? Yeah. I'm done. I'm out. That's me.

Done with the card. Goodbye. Goodbye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Fuck off. No, you hadn't. You hadn't.

I've got every birthday card I've ever been given. Have you got the one I wrote you that time? The horrible one? I will have. They just get added. I've got an enormous cardboard box. It's been with me to every house I've ever been to. I can't verify this.

I love it. I love it. I've lied before, but on this one. Hey, I do not lie about birthday card mementos. What was the horrible one? I just wrote. It was a poem. There's a picture of it.

I'll slide it in. I promise I'll remember as well. Do you keep sliding? If I forgot to slide it in, I won't know because it's the future. Just get fucked. Don't comment it because I don't care, but I will slide it in. Actually, on minute 10,'s the future. Just get fucked. Don't comment it because I don't care but I will slide it in. Actually, on minute 10,

a card that's very unprofessional and this is why I'm not a patron. I just wrote horrible things in the card. It was in poem form though. Right.

I mean, that's how I genuinely think. Is that the one and only card you've ever given him? I'd say so. Why would I bear

a number that someone has to put in the bin? He loves them. He loves them. He bear them? It's something he has to put in the bin. He loves them. He loves them. He gets them out at night. He puts them out in order. He's like,

I'm going to do 20 on it, 20, 20, 20. I have noticed you don't do birthday cards and to be honest with you, it upsets me every year. When have you ever given me a fucking birthday card? You don't like them.

You didn't know that until now? Yes, I did. You've told me before. You've just said you've only just noticed? What? You've just said you've only just noticed? You've just noticed what? That you don't like birthday cards?

I haven't. Oh, you've noticed before? Yeah've only just noticed what? That I don't like birthday cards I haven't Oh you've noticed before Yeah I like getting them Solid Just to say You're taking a very moral stance here I haven't got my Christmas present

It's June Yeah Yeah It's June It's June Did you get me a birthday card? You gave me One all

Okay good Alright mate I think it's four one I'm going to get eggy at Christmas It's June. Did you get me a birthday card? You gave me... One all. Okay, good. All right, mate. I think it's four one. I am going to get eggy at Christmas. What are we all getting each other? I'm getting everyone some nice stuff. Him, fuck all.

This is how that's going down. When you get a speedboat, you're going to look fucking stupid. He's leaving it alone. Do you know what? I will. I will. Both, you know,

figuratively when you give it me and prove a point and also trying to get it home. Yeah. Keep them under there. Give them an invoice. Second question. Two days away it is, lads. In the post.

I'll chase that up. Second question. Question two. You said you've struggled to get childcare but you haven't once asked me. Adam. Yeah. Listen. question two um you're you said you've struggled to get child care but you haven't once asked me adam yeah listen i love you in a certain way yeah just then i've got as a colleague professional respect i've got for you you know and i think you are at your core, a good, good person. I think sometimes I'd worry about the laser focus

that, you know, you can have, but you tend to focus on your phone. And I'm worried that, you know, one of my children would be on fire in Twitter. Like, oh God, yeah. Two legs anyway. One's burnt, one's not. Retweet. I just, I don't know no i know you and you'd be fine but i don't you haven't you haven't asked me it just feels a bit disrespectful i

haven't given me ask him in a card yeah because recently you know you've been doing this major uk and ireland tour and yeah been part of the one of the biggest podcasts in world comedy and you've been filming stuff and you know boozing like it's about to go into another lockdown i was thinking god this guy needs some child care responsibilities when's the wedding it's on friday day he is actually free on friday as well oh my god what are you is fucking yeah no we were talking about that i just listened on yeah carl let me just open up his diary i'm just attentive i've got to go back to london again tomorrow morning all right i'm coming back tomorrow night friday day i'm completely fleet so if laura flea I'm a little flea.

Can I look after your children? No, you're a flea. I've got that Friday flealing. But it's not freeling. Freeling. I was doing a Chinese voice. Lovely. Well done.

I'm free All day Friday Right cool cool cool Tell Laura To get her glad rags on And she's going with you to the wedding Oh brilliant What are you doing Friday night?

What? Are you not gigging? No Oh my god Have you not got a date or something? No You should get a date No

I want to look after your children And prove myself Oh no I wouldn't let you look after my kettle If you just put it in your house For a week I go the kettle is not there no more It's in the room

Right If you can source me My Christmas present Before Friday You can babysit Challenge on That's not going to work Because I got a £4.50

Pack of Lindt chocolates And a Fucking note A picture of a present John that's not gonna work because I got a £4.50 pack of Lindt chocolates and a fucking note a picture of a present a picture of a present it's gonna be dead good this

it is gonna be that good when it arrives I could actually tell that you used the steering wheel of your car to fucking lean on

to go it's gonna be dead good this that money orders it and you've got it you're gonna look stupid no

it's gonna be later in the year though so probably not gonna look that stupid December And you've got it You're going to look stupid Yeah I'm going to look stupid No It's going to be Later in the year though So Probably Christmas time Not going to look that stupid December time you'll get it I've got plans You're going to get plans

By the way When we do Christmas presents Not a lot's coming your way But Can we not do the thing Where we're like Oh lad I spoke to me guy

Oh fucking hell Going to have to be December the 29th Can we do it before Christmas This time Yeah And just beat up Yeah Yeah alright cool Do whatever you want then I'm going to eat to be December the 29th. Can we do it before Christmas this time? And just beat up? Yeah.

Yeah, all right, cool. Do whatever you want, Dan. I'm going to eat a present. All right, cool. See you Friday then. Yeah. Got ourselves to the wedding. Got to be in Port Merion about 10 a.m., half 10.

Going to need to be setting off about nine-ish. I'll be with you for six. Six a.m.? That's lovely, that. Oh, that's great. You can actually get up with the baby. Yeah. That would be a bit scary 6am? That's lovely, that. Oh, that's great. You can actually get up with the baby. Yeah. That would be a bit scary for him

because he's not met you. So that'd be a bit intense for him, wouldn't it? You just coming around, alright lads, and he's just like coming around. You wouldn't notice. I'll put your glasses on. The baby wouldn't go,

that's not dad. No. We can't say that. Wow. What weird first words. That's not dad. He's not even, all he said is dada so far. Was that his first word. That's not dad. He's not even... All he's said is dada so far.

Was that his first word? Yeah. Sick. I'm going to make sure his second word is fucking hell, lad. Three words. You're not dad. Fucking hell, lad. Baz.

What was Etta's first word? Pedophile. No. Fucking hell, she's got the... She's just always been... You know when you're like what is your daughter gonna be pedophile hunter you just know it a lot of people are like i want to be a spaceman i want to be a midwife she's like i want to be a pedophile hunter she want to be the youngest pedophile hunter that's why we keep getting a gun skills was it was a question was

it an exclamation how did she say it was just pedophile no we were just we were just walking down the street and she just looked at a weird did she say it was just pedophile? No, we were just walking down the street and she just looked at a weird noncy looking guy and she went, pedophile. And I was like, oh my God, she's got the eye for it. Fucking hell, mate. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he looked over like, how did you know?

She's like the Simon Cowell for pedophiles. She just knows talent when she sees it. Yeah, yeah, she's good. She has to load the P-philes together. She's starting a program called Non-Cyble. I mean, if you sign up for that, you really... Noncidal? Yeah.

He is my fucking idol. We are looking for pedophiles. Sign up at noncidal.co.uk application. What was your first word then? As a baby? What? Same conversation. No, I know it is.

It's just... I just love it how you just sort of like... Mine was onomatopoeia. Was it, yeah? Mine was colloquialism. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I very much doubt it was, Don.

In the comments. Mine was French Guyana Because I love I love African nations French Guyana What was yours really Adam? Was it like How does he know?

I know mine I got told it I don't remember it What? Doesn't everyone know What their own first name was? Oh he can find out He can just open up his memory box.

Bloody hell. Mum and Dad put it in there. Adam's first word. Oh, I thought everyone knew what their own first word was. What was yours? Mum. That was so underwhelming. It wasn't going to be anything fucking like,

oh, race cars, was it? Might have been. My brother's was dog, or doggy, because he had a dog. Yeah. Peterfart was funniernier though, wasn't it? I was just trying to get to the fucking brass tacks, mate. Oh, bloody hell.

You don't know what your own first words was? No. Comment below if you know what yours was. Hit the subscribe button as well on the bell. Oh, wow. I thought that was common knowledge for most people. Interesting. No.

Genuinely, I don't. It's probably like mummy or daddy or i got i got two parents one's one that would probably have told me that in adult life died when i was 16 and the other one i don't think he gives a fuck i don't think he gave a shit at the time i mean i might be wrong but if you're watching dad i bet you can't remember mad but sad though it is yeah yeah yeah thank you thank you call anyway yeah i pedophile hunter i give you a voucher for the christmas before last as one of your presents then you love a fucking i owe you don't you but for child care and you've never used it so you're friday not 6am you can't make 6am i can can you yeah so for yours from five because that's what you need for your first full day of child care to be extra tired because you've started unnecessarily i'm gonna have two modafinils oh the modafidunas oh we don't know about them yet bash a couple of daffodils in the

future that was in patreon shut up girl yeah i have a couple of daffodils. Who? In the future. That was in Patreon. Shut up, girl. Yeah, I'll have a couple of my daffodils. Like, I'll have four my daffodils and then I'll definitely be awake. Oh, my God. My son's first word will be like, are you having a heart attack, mate? All right, Jack, I'm your uncle. Ah!

Ah! Um. It wouldn't kill me. That wouldn't be a lethal dose, would it? You, yes. Just make me really productive And awake That's not how drugs work

Is it? The more you take They're like Alright well I want to be high So I could do one drugs Maybe I could do Four drugs And

I don't know if maths works With drugs But I should be four times as high Yeah I can't see any consequences Long term In a negative way

That is true though Isn't it Charlie? If you do four drugs you're four times higher yeah yeah but there's a there's a tipping point like four garys four garys yeah it's a fucking it's a wedding depressing gangbang um yeah i don't know i don't i don't know what the I don't know I don't know what the I don't know what it depends on how strong your ecstasy is

but yeah I think modafinil yeah I think four could do you I think you could have a heart a little heart attack

three I'll have three alright right cool so you're taking three modafinil yeah and then coming around mine

to look after my kids. Etta's met you, she loves you. Yeah. She calls you Adam Rowlad. Yeah. And then when she sees this, when she sees this logo,

she goes, oh, it's Adam's podcast. And it makes me think, you need to fuck off out of this house and start pedophile hunting. Earn a crust. Yeah, I reckon we'll be sound.

I'd like to meet wherever they want, do whatever they want. Teach them how to swipe their own arses. We'll watch cartoons. It sounds like a great day for me. Sounds good. Yeah. Jackson Nursery,

10 till 3. Etta's at school, 9 till 10 past 3. So you've got a lot of the day to yourself. You can do some cleaning Phenomenal No I'm not cleaning I'm coming to help you

Out with your kids I'm not your fucking bitch Hi Laura You alright? Looking forward to seeing Adam on the 25th Right cool yeah See you there

See you there You're gonna teach them To wipe their own arse I'm gonna tell them Oh Wipe your own arse Jack I mean Etta's already Rolling with that It's actually Go ahead love She refuses to wipe their own arse? I don't tell them. Oh. Wipe your own arse, Jack. I mean,

Etta's already rolling with that. It's actually, oh, look. She refuses to flush. She's morally against it. Does she, does she shout, yes,

have a look? She, the, yesterday, she, like, from the downstairs bathroom, went,

guys, can you hear that? Just because she could tell we were in the kitchen and she was in the downstairs. She just got FOMO while she was shitting. Guys, can you hear that? We were like, what are you doing?

I'm having a poo. Brilliant. Thanks, mate. Shut the door and flush the fucking toilet. That's all your. There she calls us, guys. She's like, guys. That's so funny.

Yeah. They just do whatever you do, innit? They copy whatever turn of phrase you've... Oh, pimps then? Is that what you use it, yeah? That's what my kid would say. Pimps. Pimps.

I'm having a poo. Looking forward to it. I'll book you in. Yeah. I'm game. I reckon I'll be fine. Every three years? What?

Every three years? What? Looking forward to it. Do you mean every three years? The? Every three years? What? Looking forward to it. The next wedding? The next wedding. Oh. You'll have another wedding to go to before that. Fucking love it.

Looking forward to it. And Adam can look after the kids. Nothing's happening there though, is it? Got a venue booked for December just in case. It's like Liverpool in a Champions League. Already booked a hotel in Turkey for 2023. Already bought a hotel in Turkey for 2023. Already bought a hotel reception suite.

Dan was telling me how proud he is of me that I've not dived into a new relationship. Yeah, I thought he'd be straight in. I think he would be

if he wasn't the busiest person in the city. Excuse me. Just give me my credits and don't put caveats in. Hang on. That's not true though, is it? It could still be.

No, it's true. It's absolutely true. And he knows it is because he's not arguing. No, I'm letting you finish. So that I can refuse your emotions. Oh, polite. He hasn't got time for a lady.

I think you thought I was going to be a serial monogamer. Oh, that's what I think. What do you think of you? What a monogamist. One lady. But you thought I was going to be a serial monogamist. Oh, that's what I think when I think of you. What a monogamist. One lady. But I thought he was. I thought he got

institutionally addicted to relationship and having someone that's like, I feel like I'll go over. Oh, do you, babe?

Oh, you've got fucking quavers just on your tits. Oh, wow. Come and put it in my vagina where it's nice and warm

and I will cuddle and make you feel better as you fall asleep. You know, like women do. I do miss that. I know, it's nice and warm and I will cuddle and make you feel better as you fall asleep. You know, like women do. I do miss that. I know, it's nice,

isn't it? Miss the cuddles. Yeah. But I thought that would be enough to tip you into that, no, it's nice. And I just,

I worried, I worried that some incredibly attractive lady was just going to be like, these are great, aren't they? Like these boobs?

And that's a nice bum, isn't it? These can be yours. Signed on the dotted line. That's how easy men are. If you go, yeah, yeah, yeah, let's go. Yeah. That's pretty depressing, isn't it? Apart from, he's not that simple.

And it's good. Much deeper. I am deeper. Than boobs. I think there's a common misconception, right, that I'm a shallow arsehole. And actually, I'm a very romantic. Deep arsehole a shallow arsehole and actually i'm a very romantic deep arsehole deep arsehole oh no you don't you don't i've said that for a long time

um i think i'm a very complex human being with very many well if the young lady that i met in february or march was anything to go by, who I believe you'd spent a little short amount of time with, was anything to go by, I think if you were truly shallow, yeah, that'd already be happening. I thought you were going to say something else then.

You'd have fucked it right off. I think if you were shallow, you'd be like, yeah, this is great. This will do, yeah. You've obviously not done that, and I'm impressed I'm impressed it's exciting

it's exciting doing a podcast with you and just watching you because it's all very like there's just there's breakups there's things I feel like

there's been way more consistency and boredom with me yeah and I just thought we'd already be in some I thought you'd be getting annoyed with her already.

You're a recovering drug addict. It's not boring. Yeah. It is. No, but I mean... No, but it is, but it's very nature. It's boring. Oh, right.

You know, she's good. She's good. The boredom is healthy. The boredom's good. I don't want my son's first word to be, Baghead! Lemo Dad

Dad If that's his first word Dad You say your first word, yeah Fucking lay off the beat With a tone of disappointment You know you're fucking up as a dad Dad

First word He knows what disappointment is already. Fucking hell. Hell of an inflection. So congrats, man. What are you doing about it now, though? Because we need content for this podcast. Change it up, man.

You're having more of a breakdown. Come on. Tour's coming to an end. Let's start sticking little Vinnie Rowe in little nasty places and then talking about it on here. Put it on a card, put it in the memory box. Thank you for letting me spaff on your boobs.

There's a card, you keep that, put it in your memory box. I just in your memory box, you can go in mine. Come on. I want to hear things happening. I think after the tour, I'll probably do some serious dating. Serious dating? Some serious dating. Turn up with glasses like Clark Kent suit briefcase.

Sit down. Let's see your credit. Let's see your credit score. Are you fertile? What do you like to do if it's a serious date? So we go out. So you're wiring down and Dan's first date. You're wiring and Dan.

What are you doing today? Have we met on Bumble? She sounded great, by the way. Oh, yeah. Some girl messaged me last night and said, so, match that on Bumble. Which I haven't been on for ages. I haven't been on the apps for a while.

And Bumble's the one where the lady's got to start the interaction. She's just got to send a flange pic. That's the rule, isn't it? Fanny pic. Pow. Got back to me flat last night from london and was just bored and i was like i haven't been on these for a while wonder what the crack is right and it's nearly time for some serious dating as well let's get the ball rolling yeah i'd had a message

from that girl saying uh and bumble as you say they have to start the conversation the girls um which is great that's actually better for men than it is for women. People don't realise that. Because the biggest pressure when you're doing any of the online dating apps is the first message. Because it's so easy to be dead born and be like, hi, how are you? And they're like, yeah, I'm good.

How are you? Yeah, I'm good too. What have you been up to? That conversation is all the time. So it takes, I don't have to be funny or creative. The other person has to do it. Do you know what I mean? Nice.

And she said something like, just a disclaimer before we start, massive fan of the pod, and I'm wondering whether you can get me Dan's number. You fucking rat. That's a good line though. Oh, great line. Funny line.

Great line. 07-389-277. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. 499. Whoa. That could be someone's number. I hope it is. 389 276 bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep 498 woah that could be someone's number I hope it is I hope it's Finn's

go on Dan first date you just met what are you doing so yeah the serious wooing so we've met on eHarmony

fucker41yearoldstraightguy.com have you been on there? You're in this situation. All right. A woman, Lisa. Oh, hang on. You're Lisa. Lisa?

Yeah. Lisa. No, I don't like Lisa. Okay. No, you don't like Lisa? Raquel. Raquel. Raquel.

You don't have to learn the words. Go on. You're Raquel. Raquel You don't have to learn the words Go on You're Raquel Raquel Arisabalaga Arisabalaga She's the sister of Kepa Yeah

Arisabalaga No she's a distant relative Alright I'm so just I'm Raquel Arisabalaga Can't even say my own surname So she sounds

I hope I'm fit Because I tell you what I'm pretty stupid Where's she from? Raquel Arizabagalaga. Can't even say my own surname. So she sounds... I hope I'm fit. Is she English? Because I'll tell you what, I'm pretty stupid. Where's she from? Raquel Arizabagalaga. Liverpool?

Oh, she hasn't learned an accent. Lad. Oh. No. She's from Liverpool. Rachel Arizabagala. Yeah. I can't be...

I travel enough away. I can't be out travelling. Have I got Spanish heritage, lad? Raquel. Your great-great-grandad was from the Basque oh so I hate him

okay my name's Raquel and I need a husband do you like leaving it in and eating quavers he's 28 years of age

just slightly younger than me am I or close enough that close enough that you know there's no moral quandary

oh yeah yeah yeah oh Raquel don't go to too much of a moral that there's no moral quandary. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, Raquel doesn't go too much of a moral quandary age gap-wise, so this is nice. Two years. You're a nine. A nine?! Yeah. Raquel Arrizabagalaga is a fucking nine.

Big fan of comedy. She knows you. She's aware of me, but, like... I think I saw you on Roast Battle, I think. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That level. She's aware of me But like I think I saw you On roast battle I think Yeah She's got voluptuous tits

I have Look at me When you talk about my tits Yeah A fantastic back passage Right What are you saying About my vagina

Why Where's my vagina third I've got voluptuous tits Because the vagina's the headliner Oh I thought you were going like She'sptuous tits. Because the vagina's the headliner. Oh. I thought you were going like, she's got great tits,

a lovely arsehole, fucking fannies and tatters. I don't know what she's been doing. Went to the bus, tried to treat her heritage, got gang banged by four gannies. She's got what you would call a world-class pussy. Right?

Don't you ever talk about my fucking vagina like that. And make eye contact with me at the same time you said to make eye contact with you oh yeah i did well class look away right look away he knows all this from bumble by the way no we didn't we didn't meet up what did we meet on e-harmony e-harmony right muslim dating.gov look away from me And Sharia La She

Is A PA To The Saudi ambassador Wow Right She earns a lot of money Yeah

And he is Just a cheque Got a flat On the Albert Dock Nice Nice The Saudi ministry. She works from home.

West London. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because of COVID, she was like, I'm not coming back to the office. And he was like, don't worry about it, mate. You work where you want to, mate.

Oh, yeah, yeah. And he's busy working at Dublin Airport. Right. I'm Raquel Arizabegaga. I've got to learn. I'll tell you what about Raquel. Top class pussy. Doesn't know her own surname

Bit of a problem You are Raquel now I do like comedy But I'm not I'm Rose Powell Yeah yeah yeah And scene How are we?

Fucking hell lad Hey mate Can we just have two more minutes? Just got here Fucking hate when they Come straight over Yeah they're keen You know what I mean?

Can I stuff your cock in my mouth? I'm a gobbler. I've got to be honest. Yeah, I'm banged up for that. Throat fuck me. Just use my head. Use my head. Listen, you can't see because I've worn headphones to this date for no reason.

But I'll tell you something about Raquel Arizabalaga. Big bucks. Sorry, two more again. I've got a big bucks fan. Yeah, the Milwaukee bucket fannies, right? But I've got a phenomenal pair of fucking ears, and you can just grab them like handlebars

they used to call me Dumbo at six form you haven't even had a drink yet well two more now I'm going to start with six

two more are these for me two more whatever I'm not on the chat oh I thought you said two more two minutes

yeah two two more minutes yeah have a bottle of wine for the table whatever your third most expensive one is mate can I have a bottle of wine for the table whatever your third most expensive one is mate

can I have a bottle of wine for me yeah I'll keep it can I also have a porn star martini for the lady and three of them for me

I'll have a pint of stout and a baby stout that better be a fucking shot anyway go on babe no joking aside that's just a bit of sex banter that I do That better be a fucking shot. Anyway, go on, babe. No, joking aside, that's just a bit of sex banter that I do. Rag my fucking head.

Like fucking Jar Jar Binks. This is a work thing because this is what it's like with the Saudi fucking... Is this your... Honestly... This is your defence mechanism. Honestly, I've had to survive in a pretty toxic work environment, even though I work at home.

My cat's a twat. Fucking sick of Saudis. They're all like, hey, Raquel, get out your world-class pussy. You know? And I'm like, no. No, mate. You're my boss. Dirty. Plus we're on Zoom. get out your world class pussy you know and I'm like no no mate you're my boss

dirty plus we're on zoom not getting me fanny out on zoom not again not if we're not in a lockdown anyway babe

go on oh shit my fucking stout and baby stout here that's how I consume everything fucking drinks

your dick so what is it you're looking for? Fucking hell, we don't. Long-term or? Tonsillitis. Where have you met this woman? Listen, listen. Tell me.

I know she went in a bit hard, Raquel. Tell me you wouldn't be intrigued. Terrified. Intrigued you wouldn't be intrigued terrified intrigued I'd be intrigued alright she might not be wife material but

it's going to be a fun evening you said serious Dayton you were sucking them up before you died oh sorry it was quite horny yeah I already know what I'm looking for

in me next woman is it Raquel no alright what is it go on ambition confidence right I already know what I'm looking for in me next woman. Is it Raquel? No. All right. What is it? Go on. Ambition.

Confidence. Right. Cock one. Cock one. It's done. It's done it's done ambition confidence look at adam we're like we're doing some serious podcasting and uh just a zest for life is she a fucking double divorcee you know what she's had a hysterectomy, and now she's out to live. Fucking hell. It's the zest for life.

She's got the all clear from cancer, and now she's up for a fuck. Jesus Christ. Let's go a museum. Oh, God. It's really worrying when Adam... It feels unusual that Adam's being the sensible one on this pod. Yeah. Oh, my God.

Raquel's turned me on and I'm her. Sounds great. Let's have a little break. Think about Raquel. Matt Lee. Hi, guys. Very excited to tell you about our sponsor Stitchfix.co.uk

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Now that's an efficient ad. Eligibility requirements apply. See shopify.com slash POS20 for details. for details. Here we are in the second section. I've got new bits in Liverpool this week.

Tuesday the 7th of June. I've got about 20 odd tickets left. It'll be the last new material night. I'll be running at phase one probably till the end of the year when I'll have recorded a special dumped all the material, I'll be running at phase one, probably till the end of the year,

when I'll have recorded a special, dumped all the material, and we'll be like, who's drinking? So if you fancy it, the link is in the description. I'm also doing a preview at the Northenden Players Theatre. So if you're in South Manchester and you didn't get tickets to the Frog and Bucket Tour shows and you want to see me preview it, the 16th, Thursday the 16th of June, I'm in Northenden, South Manchester.

It's near Wyvernshire. It's going to be a really intimate little show. I might run a couple of new material gigs, July and August, when I've been told my stuff. I mean, you could literally turn new bits into, from Dan Nightingale's new bits to to Adam Rowe's New Bits. Because Phase One is, as you've seen,

you popped down, didn't you, and you've done Dean's gig. It's so perfect. Like, everyone that's come down to Phase One to watch that has gone, what a lovely place to watch comedy. It's on Seal Street. It's got a lovely outside area and smoking area. The staff are sound. The stage is nice.

So I don't want to run it because I'm now in preview mode and I'm going to be in tour mode. But how minute would that be if we just handed off? Yeah, I might do that. To be honest with you, I'm really, really, really looking forward

to the creative stage. I'm not bored of my show, but the best bit of putting a show together to go on tour with is those gigs for me. I really love figuring it out. Yeah, well, it's been doing it at phase one. We've done about four there.

So thanks to everyone that's come down. I suppose people think, oh, it's just going to be there. It's not. It's not a definite thing. I'm not running it to make money. I was running it to give like lids in Liverpool and me a really great comedy night. We've had Vittorio down,

we've had Brennan down. I don't know. Like if you then went and did it as well, it'd be great. Like I love the atmosphere of a midweek cheaper ticket. Like a lot of these work in progress shows and preview shows are cheaper tickets. And it's so nice.

Cause everyone's like, yeah, cool. You've given us a deal. It changes the atmosphere and you get to take a risk here and there, don't you? It's fucking great. Yes. Are you literally recording and dumping? Yeah.

It's exciting. And I've got- You've got some ideas, haven't you? I've got some ideas, but I've got, at the end of July, the 27th, 28th and 29th of July, I think it is, I've got some ideas, but I've got, at the end of July, the 27th, 28th and 29th of July, I think it is, I've got a weekend

at the London store and I'm intending by that Thursday to have a new 20 ready to do at the London store that isn't in the special. Right.

When are you going to do that? Like, in July, once I've had my holiday. A month to get another 20, though? Yeah.

I mean, I'm not doubting you Also if it gets to it It's not insane I can dip If you've got 12 minutes of new fire And you need to dip for 8 minutes of old Like it's

Still got a job to do So yeah All those are in the descriptions The previews are danspreviews.com Thank you very much Got some correspondence Have you got anything else you want to plug? Have we got any So yeah, all those are in the descriptions. The previews are danspreviews.com. Thank you very much. Got some correspondence. Have you got anything else you want to plug?

Have we got any last sales, ticket sales for the tour? You're coming to the end. Yeah. Is it nearly Romeo done? Let's have a little look. Let's have a little look. So on, so we're in June now, aren't we? June 1. Tuesday, no. Tuesday the 7th of June, Edinburgh. Tuesday, no.

Tuesday the 7th of June, Edinburgh, tickets left. Thursday the 9th of June, Glasgow, no tickets left. 11th of June, Brighton, sold out. 12th of June, Birmingham, sold out. 13th of June, Oxford, tickets left. 15th of June, London, some tickets left. 19th of June, Chester, sold out. 21st of June, Sheffield, there is tickets left 15th of June London some tickets left 19th of June Chester

sold out 21st of June Sheffield there is tickets left 22nd of June Manchester sold out 23rd of June Leeds

I think is sold out but double check it and the 25th of June the night I'm taping my special in Liverpool I can feel I'm on a call there's about

100 tickets left they're in the rear circle 99 Laura needs one I think I need one tickets left they're in the rear circle 99 Laura needs one they're in the rear circle so go and get them there's not a bad season

in that house it's such a great venue it's an amazing venue and come and watch me take me special it's going to be it's going to be good I've got a month

to get it special ready and boiled back down to an actual hour. So excited. Isn't it amazing? Like I know people who just watch this podcast, they'll be all over the world. They'll be like,

oh, I'd love to come and see some stuff. There'll also be people that just listen to the pod and were like, yeah, we listen to the pod and really watch loads of live comedy. It's fucking great to do a podcast where you just try and make people laugh

and then you put on shows and like these previews, I haven't really publicized them loads. Mentioned them on here a couple of times birkenhead i'm doing tonight i'm doing tomorrow because we have to add an extra one people just like it's so fun selling tickets to people who want to come and see you do stand up it's such a blessing i'm not taking it for granted i know that's a little bit of admin on our part but it means a lot to be able to go to you guys we're doing what we love do you want to come and see it? And then you lot go, yeah.

It feels really fucking good. Some questions. Kieran says, alright lids, when leaving Morrison's yesterday flex, I saw an old lady I saw an old lady someone's doing all right saw an old lady open her shopping up

and break some cheese off a full block and just eat it in the street without a care in the world surely behavior like this should be illegal so my question to you is what other food should be illegal to eat in public keep up the great work kieran so for this kieran instead of doing oh what's what's rude on trains or whatever what food makes you look like a fucking animal if you walk out of the exit of somewhere like a Morrison's, delve into a bag, pull it out, and have a fucking munch? Anything that is offensively smelly, right?

Eggs. I love an egg butty. Don't have an egg butty on a train while you're facing me. Tuna. Don't do that. This woman just wants to nibble on some cheese And Kieran Do you know what

Fuck off Yeah Kieran You little shit man I think Kieran I don't know I don't know if you've got a bit of a cheese Thing What's the difference

Between us and eating a cheese thing Yeah Well One Makes you look Like you've got like You know Trauma

Don't it If you're a grown woman And you go out on the street and get a cheese string out, no child in. I eat cheese strings regularly from a service station. From a Morrison's. What day is it? Wednesday afternoon. I often get a cheese string and a pepperoni

if I stop at a welcome break. But I feel like the travel, can I just say, I feel like this is why I tried to make it specific to the main supermarket Morrison's. On your travels i think you needs must i'm talking about walking out of a morrison's you can reach in there are certain things that make you look insane lasagna a block of cheese by the way i don't mind that if you look yeah a full lasagna or just you've mentioned egg just an egg yeah crack it into your mouth. Like Rocky training.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just going for a run. Just to find the car. Do whatever you want. Why are you not? You can't just do that. I reckon like a full. You can't do that forever. I reckon like a full.

Stop emailing. Just in fact, stop podcasting. Stupid. Live your life. Like a full tub of like Onken yogurt. You know, like the big vanilla yogurt. If someone just got one and drunk it. Wow.

That I might go. Get a yak hold. What are you doing? Mate, I think when you get to the puddings, you are, if you walk out and you open a trifle. A full family cheesecake. Oh my God. And just baby bird a trifle in the entrance.

So people are like, excuse me. Like Nana's with, and you're like. Spitting into your children's mouth. I don't know. I meant just like opening the gullet. Like a seagull. Pelican. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you know what are? You pelican it. Do you know what are? Profitadol is acceptable on the move. Yeah. I suppose you're not a fat cunt though, are you? But they're a bite, aren't they? Yeah. Also, if you can eat any standard cunt, though, are you? But they're a bite, aren't they? Yeah.

Also, any standard-sized UK chocolate bar, that's okay. Yeah. I'm just saying. What's standard-sized? A bag of crisps. Like that's nice, isn't it? Also allowed. Are you not calling for Big Bar?

Yeah, but if you... Big Bar, not included? If you get four chocolate eclairs out and eat them one by one in the entrance of a Morrison's then you're a dirty bitch proper pelican them I had done that in Manchester last week

I know but it's different because you're not fat oh yeah I don't think it matters you've got a fat ass that's not what I'm saying but that's a good thing yeah you look like

a Raquel don't you if you're like next to the studio go on what time you have if you do that and you say like that Raquel Don't you If you're like Next to the sugar Go on What time you have If you do that And you say like that The time you finish

Watch me swallow This phallic cake If you've ever called A chocolate glare A phallic cake You're a worry Yeah I don't think she did

Anything wrong with the cheese though Flute's okay Vegetables no Oh Yeah you can't be Stubborn eating a fucking turnip. Stood in a Morrison's car park. I think you get respect.

I'm a fucking idiot. Just look at people. Just eye them as they walk past and you've got a turnip like, yeah! I think you forgot what turnips look like. Turnips are round. Turnips like, looks like a big... I don't know what turnips are. I've never eaten a turnip

I don't know Why are you surprised? Have you ever eaten a carrot? Oh yeah I love carrots Oh good Why have you never eaten a turnip? When am I eating a turnip? It's just a carrot

Sweetie little cousin Is it? I've had Oh oh oh oh I've had Butternut squash And And sweet potato

In A veg curry That Toby Jones' missus, Sarah, made a few years ago. One of the best curries I've ever had. Really healthy. Have you never had carrot and swede mash? Oh. Swede. It's basically cheap turnip.

I don't know what a swede is. It's a cheap turnip. I don't know what a turnip is. Have you never... It's not a beetroot. Have you had beetroots? Are they in the same... No.

Are they in the same family? No. Yeah, vegetable. They're in the same isle of Morrisons. But that's it. I love going there, Noel. I can't believe you've never had carrot and sweet mash. I don't spend a lot of time in that isle.

Now, I will be dead at 52, but... I'm making you carrot and sweet mash. What? It's carrot and sweet mash. Why don't you make it for my kids when you're looking after them and see what they say? Etta will go, pedophile. I haven't had a turn in it.

I don't even know what it looks like. Okay, I'm going to list some vegetables, Dan. Oh, Jesus. I want a yes or a no. Oh, God. Sprouts? Never. Asparagus?

Never. Broccoli? I think I might have eaten some in my sleep, though, because, ooh, I get some stinky pits. Broccoli? Oh, I've never eaten broccoli. Bok choy? They're just mini fucking noncy trees, aren't they?

You haven't had bok choy? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've had loads of bok choy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I haven't had Brussels sprouts or broccoli, but I've had loads of bok choy. Cauliflower? Cabbage? Who am I? G loads of bok choy. Cauliflower. Cabbage. Who am I? Gok Wan?

Cauliflower. Cauliflower? No, because it looks like a rugby player's ear. Cabbage? You do know it's the other way around. Their ears look like cauliflower. Oh, right. Cabbage.

I thought the veg had been named after the rugby players. Cabbage. Cabbage. Yeah. In what form? In its form? In its form. In sweaty, horrible roast form. No.

Celery. Raw. Celery? Love it. I mean, you might as well not eat though because it's pointless air and water. Corn. Corn.

Like corn on a cob? On the cob. Yeah. Not a big fan. Jack is though, my one-year-old. No. No. Lettuce? Not a big fan Jack is though My one year old Erm No No Lettuce

Yeah Lettuce if it's in a burger Kale What Are we talking about Mushrooms Fucking Preston Mushrooms

Mushrooms are wrong-uns though Aren't they No I love mushrooms Yeah I know But you can understand Why someone thinks they're wrong-uns Yeah because they't they? No, I love mushrooms. Yeah, I know, but you can understand why someone thinks they're wrong-uns. Yeah, because they're fucking children. Peas.

Oh, no, no, no. Chicken dinosaurs. Mushy or for... What? Chicken dinosaurs. Smiley potato faces. Oh, there we are. Yeah.

No, it's not, no. Peppers. I sometimes put black pepper on them. Peppers? I'm losing the respect of so many adults. I'm so sorry. Peppers? Yeah.

Genuinely Love peppers Right I love pepper Really good Shallots Shallots I believe you had

Very few Shallots Oh Onions Oh no They're horrible I mean I ask for them To be taken out of things

Tomato Tomato Smash tomato Cucumber Tomato and cucumber Is my go-to. I like peppers because they go on stuff like... Jalapeno? Oh, jalapeno.

If I want a regrettive poo, yes. Do you want to have a yam? A yam? Yeah, I've shoved one right up. Isn't that a sweet potato? It's Dominican sweet potato, isn't it? But it's a bit whiter. What about a kumquat?

I just want to say it. Zucchini? Capsicum. Isn't that a pepper? Yeah. Zucchini? Yeah. It sounds foreign.

I don't trust it. When it comes to my eating habits, I get very, you know, xenophobic. So weird, aren't you? Yeah. It is really it's bad yeah

it's bad bad bad yeah we're gonna open your fucking world I love fruit though carrot and swede mash oh mate I can't like

carrot I call it carrot and swede mash when are we eating that are we gonna have a carrot and swede mash party when are we eating it when are we eating it on a roast that's the only time we eat it

I don't like roast on a roast well when are we gonna eat it on a roast that's the only time we eat it I don't like roast on a boat well when are we going to eat it on a roast I don't eat roasts you're annoyed at me this isn't funny anymore

you're just pissed off he's going to kill you for saying you don't eat roasts right hang on no no no no no

I've never had a leg of lamb just a minute just because we're not going to need that for a couple of minutes so just shut that okay we'll go back to this Just a minute. Just because we're not going to need that for a couple of minutes. So just shut that. Okay?

We'll go back to this in a minute. Don't worry. Okay. So tell me. I can't even. I don't even know where to start here. Right. What?

Right. You don't eat roast dinners at all? Never liked them. Right. I never tried them. That's the problem. Do you like roast potatoes? Yeah. Oh, But I prefer chips

Okay That really pissed you off didn't it? Yeah Yorkshire puddings? Yeah A little bit of fucking pancake Yeah lovely What do I eat that with?

If you don't eat the rest of a roast Just let me just take you through Pigs in blankets Is that sausage with bacon? I'm not. Yeah, I've tried it. It's all right. It's all right.

It's a little meaty delicious surprise. What's the surprise? How nice is this? How good it is? Every time. Yeah. What? Still good?

Stuffing? It was just my finger with bacon on it. Sage stuffing? Stuffing. Obviously not. Oh, that's the worst one. what still good stuffing it was just my finger with bacon on it sage stuffing stuffing obviously not oh that's the worst one like I could eat

a barrel of stuffing every oh how are you going to do that stuffing's incredible I've never eaten gravy I honestly don't want to do this podcast anymore

say that again say that again to the camera. Hi, my name's Dan Nightingale. I used to be from the Have a Word podcast. I've just been fired because I've never eaten gravy. I don't know what to tell you, boys.

I was so fussy when I was younger and then I just never sorted it. My mum died. It's not my fault. You're not allowed to use that card. Oh, shit. You were 16 when your mum died. You should have been addicted to gravy by then.

That's how that works. I'm making you a roast dinner in your house because then you can do the dishes. Should we not do it? You've got them fucking salty piquers, haven't you? What's his name? What? Who's the fella with the meat?

Meat Peter. Meat Peter. He says meat. Yeah, I don't want to use Meat meat yeah i don't want to use meat peter i don't want to use his salty meat who's that it's because he lives in town we're not getting fucking no he's got it in his house produce from a gay club uh can we not just do this on the on the patreon food special no no we're not wasting oh you want this to be private no because the patreon feud special is supposed to be us eating stuff that we obviously really don't

like and it's funny you're gonna love this dinner that has a roast ball in it you're gonna treat the patreon special will be you going

oh my god I can't believe I've been wrong my whole life here's more gravy there'll be a lot of retching I've got food phobias I'm telling you right

now you're gonna be stood in a Morrison's car parking six months just drinking gravy straight out next to the woman with the block of cheese yeah yeah you yeah. You and her. How are you, love? Yeah. You just found out it's about cheese.

I've just found out it's about gravy and roast buds. Ah! So they make it. You daft squad. You have robbed yourself of the greatest food God has ever gifted us with. The roast. What about like roast meats? Like roast chicken or roast beef or lamb?

I like chicken from Nando's and stuff. Yeah. Yeah, that's nice. You know, like roast chicken. It's a bit dry. Put some gravy on it! It's gravy for it, isn't it? Isn't like roast beef just like shit steak?

Press the button. But shit steak is still better than no steak my mum used to make roastings with braising steak she would braise the steak for a day in the oven

right right you've really that's a nice memory prawns you like prawns he was 15 you better be addicted Prawns? You like prawns? He was 15. You better be addicted to gravy within the year.

No, prawns. What? Any seafood? No, not a roast. Any seafood? I'm not ready to move on from the roast. I think he needs to move on. No, I'm just done.

Mashed potatoes, oh. It's just like the bad... It's the worst bit of chips, isn't it? He's just saying things to me I'm really not I've believed everything are we alright to keep doing the pod

you're gonna have to get that laptop out and ask another question because I need closure to move on and we're not gonna get both do you remember Raquel

she was fun you wouldn't even want to fuck her would you I don't like gravy apart from man gravy in my eye classic Raquel I'd absolutely still fuck her

what if she liked like rubbed lamb on herself what if like she used gravy as lube great tasty she sounds fucking great I'd make her job a lot easier

when she's fucking sucking me off wouldn't I she'd get a little gravy surprise thanks Kieran thanks for the question what was the question something about cheese

Trevor says if you had to have a world leader past or present shadow you for seven days non-stop with you all the time sleepovers at dinner

taking them to gigs in the room for podcast recordings constant supervision who are you going for and why? Mussolini Mussolini?

Benito Mussolini you know the weird thing is that's my answer as well why are you picking Mussolini? why are you picking Mussolini? he Mussolini You know the weird thing is That's my answer as well Why are you picking Mussolini? Why are you picking Mussolini? He's got the funniest name Sounds like something Dan's not eating You having a Mussolini?

I know I don't like seafood What even if it's Benito good Benito Carboni What I go Abraham Lincoln 1809 to 1865 that was his lifespan

wow Carl I was suspicious that you already had that up was that yours would you go Abe no I know all about Abe honest Abe I'm an Abe man

no I'd go Julius Caesar he was obviously 10 100 so 44 BCE whatever that means 10 100 8000 years in the future

10 100 what was BCE before BCE before Christ existed so you're going for Julius Caesar and you can't speak Latin or whatever they speak

he has to speak what I speak he's shadowing me that cunt no I think you're just pulling the world leader out so Benito Mussolini is what like an early speak latin or whatever they speak he has to speak what i speak he's shadowing me that comes no i think you're just pulling the world leader out so benito mussolini is what like an early 20th century fascist italian if i went boxing that day would that mean they were shadow boxing yes let me just check what trevor says yeah he was the prime minister of Italy from 1922 to 1945 until his deposition

in 19 no 43 oh is it 43 yeah you're always getting that mixed up I know he got hung up with his wife

by his feet and then the Joe what his wife was called John Raquel Raquel Mussolini absolutely it was okay for some time for some reason I remember their death

They got hung by the feet And then the locals spat at them In either Milan or Turin She was 89, that's quite old Fuck off What's the point of assassinating someone who's 89? Just wait Just ignore them

Just stop answering the phone Hello, it's Raquel Mussolini Was everyone ignoring me? just ignore them just wait just stop answering the phone hello it's a Raquel Mussolini why's everyone ignoring me I'm the first lady of fascist Italy

doesn't say we died I can't find it quick enough but eh they got shot yeah died that bad

by the revolutionaries who were like this war's dog shit we shouldn't be siding with Hitler let's swap sides and kill you and that's what they did.

Mussolini. I go Abe Lincoln. I think he'd be good in the back of a podcast recording studio. I think it'd be great to take him to Birkenhead twice. Oh, there's pictures of his death. He was hung up and shot. That's gone in my head as a young lad when I was studying history. There's something about being...

I love it how the missus goes as well. Yeah, it looks rough. Can you just ignore me? It does look rough. Being shot and then hung up by feet. I think it was the other way around. I think they hung him by his feet and just left him to suffer for a bit.

And then shot. Yeah. I go, you're going Julie Caesar? Yeah. Steve, you're back. Who are you going for? Angela Merkel? Merkel what because you want to fuck her

you're dirty boy oh yes you love an international lady German not that little she is 68 she's a big lady

it might be funny to get Hitler that might be funny yeah because he's not allowed to like preach is he and I imagine

because he's just shadowing Adolf keep he and I imagine because he's just shadowing Adolf keep it down we're recording he'd just be like because we could sit here just talking about like how fucking stupid he was

and how much of a cunt he was and he's just got to sit there and listen to it yeah because he's just shadowing us yeah you know the security

at the Heath in Runcorn when their eyes raised when Jason Manford was here I think they're going to look pretty freaked out when Adolf Hitler walks through the

security gate you've got to sign him in right it's A Hitler how good have you got to be to have an adjective in your

name I'd actually say it's The Hitler oh what you mean like Alexander the Great yeah like Adam the

lad what did you do maybe the best joke we've ever done I know it's easy to say that when we didn't hear it no it's like

probably the top one jokes we've ever done probably top one mate you said get him to sign in and I thought alright it's

A Hitler and I went most would consider him the Hitler it's pretty good he's the most would consider him the Hitler that's pretty good he's the only one top one top one

top one top two or three what adjective would you put in your name if you were a past world leader sort of like Alexander the Great

yeah Adam the Itchy Adam the Best Adam the Best I am so great I am so great I am so great everybody

Adam the best he was Adam the best what was the Ethelred what was the Anglo-Saxon king Ethelred the unready yeah it was yeah

again something from history that always and then Edward the confessor he was a good ass one yeah could not keep a secret

don't do a fucking post office with him everyone all the time going hey don't tell anyone I said yeah but

Janice pregnant again round Liverpool they called him Eddie the grass she's fucking shitting them out there

didn't she Eddie the rat coming up for a fucking football team soon what do you got with that

he's Adam the best um Dan the fussy because I've never eaten yeah Daniel the fussy pussy

pussy whoa how did you hear that I heard that it was probably the top one insult of the whole podcast

you know as we're doing hyper ball one more one more I heard that. That's probably the top one insult of the whole podcast. You know, as we're doing Hyperbole. One more? One more. Dan Druff. Oh, this guy. Hey. Hey. I don't think that is actually a well-known surname.

So, this young man, bit of a wordsmith. Maybe his full name's Daniel Druffalo. Why would you shorten your surname just for the bands? Daniel Truffalo. So this one's from Daniel Truffalo. David Truff. Should we do one more? Wag wag lids.

Up the Truff. Would you rather never be able to drive again or never be able to drink alcohol again? Never be able to drive again or never be able to drink alcohol again never be able to drive again you ever gonna laugh I don't go to like social driving events

do I do you not don't ever finish the biggest gig in my career and go do you know what let's all go for a drive

and get someone else to drive me can I get someone else to get pissed for me shy question I wonder you called dandruff all you've done there And get someone else to drive me. Can't I get someone else to get pissed for me? Shy question. No wonder you're called Dandruff. All you've done there is itch me scalp.

Making me think, why did you ask that? He's still annoyed about me not eating gravy and roasts. I can feel it coming off me like, Shy question! Fucking weirdo! It is a fucking shit question! I'd honestly, I'd give up drinking. No, you wouldn't! Yeah, I would finish the big gig at the Philharmonic and be honestly, I'd give up drinking. No, you wouldn't.

Yeah, I would finish the big gig at the Philharmonic that I'm so proud of, Adam. Ring road. Yeah, I'd go for a big celebratory drive. Bollocks. Also bollocks. I'd become one of, I'd become a, oh my God, I've got the money. I could do it.

You know, like the boy racers who soup up loads of cars and they can't afford it and they have to put all the money. I could do it. You know like the boy racers who soup up loads of cars and they can't afford it and they have to put all the money into it. I've got money now. I could be a 40 year old pedophile boy racer

that hangs around on a Mackie's car park near Wrexham. Yes. I'm coming. I don't need to drink. Do you know genuinely you could pull that vibe off. What do you mean?

Like, if you got like a fucking speaker system in your boot, spinning rims and lasers and a microwave, right? This is a proper exhibit job, yeah? Yeah. You would suit that. I'll take the compliment, thank you.

Have a full oven for making roasts. Would you rather give up alcohol or not alcohol? What, constantly drinking alcohol? Yeah. Or never drinking alcohol? Yeah. I'd rather never drink alcohol. Really, yeah?

Yeah. You'd rather drink it all the time. It's just the only thing you can drink. You should have gone for the fucking driving, shouldn't you? Here I am in my, would you rather, driving around in a lovely car converted to islam don't need a beverage the cars coming into where you're going down it's friday i think you know where i'm going temple the mosque temple the mosque forgot what they were i forgot what the holy building was called the temple to. Just shout at some Jews.

They're the synagogue. Wow, I've had a fucking nightmare. Do Jewish people call... They do, they call it temple. Yes, got out of that one. Do they? I think they call it the gaff these days. They call it the gaff. Come on the gaff on Sunday.

Scouse. Is there a big Jewish population in Liverpool? Yeah. They're all fat as fuck. Huge. Six foot. Only three of them. Oh, hang on.

I've never seen an Orthodox Jew in Liverpool. That is the name of an album. I've never seen an Orthodox Jew in Liverpool. Seen a few on me travels But none by us The Jewish place of worship is the synagogue But they call it temple Yes, so synagogue also called a shul Maybe shul, sorry

Or temple There's plenty of Muslims and Sikhs And there's Christians for weeks But there's no Jews Christians for weeks? But there's no Jews. Christians for weeks? Not even days? Nah, well, fucking loads of Christians.

But I've never seen another Jew in Liverpool. I'm sure there's some people of the Jewish faith, but I've never seen the ones that wear the hats. They've got the curls. And this is specifically about Liverpool because North Manchester and North London is probably a different story.

Maybe we should have a convention. Invite them over. A Jewish convention? Not just a Jewish convention. just a Jewish convention why don't we put on

a Hasidic Jew the world's first multi-denominational religion festival with have a word and we just invite people of all different religions and then we do a live

version of our podcast but every guest is from a different faith if you have not been shot by the end of that podcast that would be

incredible going there are a couple of religious festivals mainly in asia yeah say we could bring that to the if you say borneo right now i will for the absolute perfect symmetry uh the other one in rajasthan rajasthan in india in india that sounds like shout out uh the type of place an ill-informed racist tells Lee Evans tells people to go back to you know what

fucking why did I vote Brexit because of all these fucking people coming over from fucking Rajasthan being all Raji send them back to Rajasthan that's what I say

Rajasthan what's the IPL team the Rajasthan Royals I think I don't know how I know that cricket team I say Rajasthan what's the what's the IPL team the Rajasthan Royals I think I don't know how I know that cricket team I'm going to giggle that you have some

odd knowledge for someone who's never eaten gravy it is the Rajasthan second in the IPL Rajasthan we're going for it this year

you only lost it by one point who's the captain don't guess Mahandra Singh Dhoni no Sanju Samson oh Sanju said to me

you know we'll win the IPL you know he said so fuck off I'm from Rajasthan and I'm annoyed so do you know

who their coach was this year rest in peace Shane Ward I actually knew that oh I so fucking knew that. It killed him that Premier League run. Killed him.

Shane said to me fuck all. Their wicketkeeper is Joss Butler. Joss Butler? Yeah. Oh mate that boy's built. Oh uh

Ishan got in touch and we're going to go and watch some fucking cricket together. Do you fancy it boys? Yeah. We've done rugby. We've done

We haven't done it yet. We're doing rugby. Right. We're going to go and watch some fucking cricket together. Do you fancy it, boys? Yeah, we've done rugby. We haven't done it yet. We're doing rugby. Right. We're going to go and watch the 100. Isn't that a bit long, though? No, it's the opposite. It's dead short. It's 100 balls, isn't it?

What do you think it was? 100 days? Three months of big commitment. We're going to take a break from the pod. What's 2020? Balls? 120, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. three months big commitment gonna take a break from the pod yeah yeah what's 2020 balls 120 innit yeah

yeah 2020 cricket is 20 overs each team yeah with six balls yeah so it's 120 balls each they were like you know what we just

you know it's like adding blades to a mac mac gillette product they just keep adding blades they keep taking away

19 razor blades blades on the hand they're like putting your hands a bit fucking venetian blind um 19 razor blades. Blades on the hand. They're like, put your hands a bit. Fucking Venetian blind. Yeah, so we should start a cricket thing called the 10.

Just get 10 balls. Better make them good. Are you good at cricket? I'm alright. I'm not really, but I'm alright. I'm not horrific. I've alright I'm not horrific I've played and I enjoy it

what are you medium medium pace yeah I'm because I'm 41 yeah I'm looking at Brett Lee I swear to god to get in

to one half of a podcast Ethel read the unready and Brett Lee. Why do I love this podcast? Because of that shite. Do you reckon there's a Venetian blind shop

in Venice that sells walking sticks and guide dogs? Top one or two? Top two. I mean, it's got to be top two. One. Wouldn't it just be called blinds as well? Sat on that. I love it. I mean it's gotta be top two one wouldn't it just be called blinds as well sat on that

I love it I love I love Ivan's timing he's like I've got it he's locked and loaded he's written it he waits for a gap

jacket sounds possible sells guide dogs I'll have to put out more sorry mate I was sold out are you from Venice no

from Dublin mate you do buy guide dogs don't you I think you gifted them but who who's fond of them the blind the association

the IPL the Rajasthan Royals The Blind Association. The IPL. The Rajasthan Royals. You don't buy a guide dog. Oh, I fucking know one, mate. Someone will know a fucking guy in Liverpool, mate. And you must have to at some point, because humans outlive dogs,

I don't know whether you know, you must have to upgrade your guide dog at some point. Yeah, you have to go into the... What if your guard dog went blind? You have to get in one. It's a chain of dogs leading one fella at the back. Blind leading the blind. And the Chinese whispers there, that could happen when he whispers to his dog,

I want to go to Butcher's. And by the time it's got to the fella, right at the front, he's like, right, the footy match, we're off. Yeah. I want to go to Butcherers and by the time it's got to the fella right at the front right the footy match we're off yeah I want to go to the Butchers the next one

woof you're a dog god I'm blind and stupid Brett Lee he was fast mate he was fast you can go McGraw

you went Brett Lee love it okay mate let's have break oh well that's not the voice to end this section with is it

don't know what you mean mate oh that's it mate very proud of this very authentic Dublin Turkish accent mate this is man of Turkish heritage mate

who work in Dublin mate and Finn who is from Turkish heritage living real mate says this very accurately mate

it's weirdly good I need to stop talking for a bit do you reckon a blind person's ever lost a guide dog

and it's been replaced and not noticed or was it just like a cat nobody noticed that but it's been replaced and he's not noticed. What, was he just like a cat? No, he'd noticed that. But it's just a new dog.

I wonder who picked dogs as well. Do you know what I mean? What should it be? There's plenty of other options. Especially when they get really old and maybe the dog's too fast for the blind fella. Get him a guide turtle. That's exactly what my head was going.

Imagine a guide horse. If you're really fast but blind get on the back yep yep 40 seconds too long imagine what's happening lads

it's Manscaped advert time our longest serving sponsor father's day is coming up on the 19th of june and we think you should surprise your dad by turning up at his house and shaving his balls for him that's what they want that's what dad's want we've both got dads and they're always like please son i can't shave my own pubes i don't have the utensils and i keep saying dad i would but you're gonna have to wait for father's day because i won't i won't shave my own pubes I don't have the utensils And I keep saying dad I would But you're going to have to wait for father's day Because I won't I won't shave your pubes in the spring I'm going to turn up with the Manscaped Lawnmower 4.0

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We've got it Got it? Yeah Word 20 Manscaped.com Nice one. Here we are in a cupboard in Runcorn with today's guest, Ramesh Rangarath.

How cupboard-y does it feel, Ramesh? You came in, I mean, you are genuinely quite cool anyway, but you didn't do the, you know. Well, I found, I think this is good good i think it's good that you've done this nice like it's sort of as i expected it to be really all right cool i'm saying on the field it's good you've done a good thing don't do yourselves down i do think the building's fucking weird i think i think it as a facility is weird i think you're the only room that's not working on vaccines in this whole building. Yeah. It's like,

but I think, look, man, you fucking, this is great. This is wicked. You've set up a thing and like, yeah, it's good.

I think you've got used to it. I think that's a problem because like, this is an amazing thing you've got set up here. We appreciate that. At the minute, we hate it.

Really? Why? We used to comment like, this is cool. Yeah. It's cool. For six months and then it this is cool yeah it's cool for the six months and then it just

I think you guys I think you've I think you've lost perspective I mean I before we started recording Dan's complaining about the range of fizzy drinks in the fridge or whatever

do you know what I mean so I feel like you know you've drunk the Kool-Aid on this a bit wow that's my that's my real diva moment

why is there no cherry 7-up chilled come on Finn I shout at him anyway oh that's nice that's good yeah That's my real diva moment. Why is there no cherry seven up? Chilled. Come on, Finn. I shout at him anyway. Oh, that's nice. That's good. Yeah, no, it's good, man. You know that now that he complained about the way you've stocked the fridge?

Yeah. Did you then go and change the stock of the fridge? I did not. It's not really, is it? I mean, we've got a business manager. We miss you, Steve. Finn, you're responsible for the fridge apparently so i did it i did it when we were last in right the fridge was

disgusting yeah i cleaned it right and then i filled it and that was and is that something you're supposed to do or something you did off your own back sort of uh dan went do you want to give me a hand with the studio i can't really say no so i did it right yeah it's not it wasn't on the job description no but you just started doing you stepped up and yeah yeah i mean you know people were grateful at first and then you carried on doing it and then people started expecting you to do it and now you're getting bollocked for not doing it properly that's how life works don't step up and do anything i mean that would be my advice to you i think he's been pretty good at that so far since he's worked here i just all i'm saying saying is, if you see me

bringing loads of Diet Cokes, loads of different flavours, just think maybe when I'm stocking this fridge I'll mix it up. Oh, don't you fucking self. Wow.

You're going to let him speak to you like that? You fucking little rat. You're on his boss. Sorry. No, he's not my boss at all. You are not my boss.

Yeah, because we gave you 20% of the company. Can we do this when Romesh Ranganathan's not here? No, I like this. I like this. You're fucking very welcome.

More fucking contrast in the fridge, Finn. I love you. And Romesh, don't side with him. No, I'm not. I just, you know, I'm always on the side of the workers, really. That's how you sell tickets, lads. Playing the fucking Empire. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm a man of the people Fucking rise up But like Genuinely I'm not saying it for effect Or like to blow smoke Up your arse It's wicked

Cheers man But I get why you get pissed Because you take things for granted You can't help it I'm not criticising you It's like this I saw I remember being really

Genuinely Being really impressed When you did like A time lapse video Setting it all up Yeah yeah It was wicked And like you know it's like i don't know you're just doing it's just wicked that you've got a studio to do your fucking podcast it felt fucking risky we got basically income support can i level with you when i saw you do i was like wow these guys are going in big do you know because the truth is at that point, I mean, I don't know how much of an idea you had,

but nobody had any idea how well you were going to go on to do. Do you know what I mean? So, like, you're putting the money in and you're doing this thing. This could have been, this could have been something where you're having to sell off these panels in a few months. Do you know what I mean?

We could have been the attack on the wall, people off ourselves. I had to have that conversation with Laura. She was like, right, so just to check, we're coming out of the pandemic where you lost all your work. The government gave us some money and you're putting a lot of that into the studio

that you've dreamed up with Adam on the phone. Yeah. Even though you've not seen him for two months because you've been doing Zoom pods. I was like, I know, babe. And guess what? It's in Runkle. That's when your other half's faith is really tested isn't it

because like when they go i believe in you that that's okay when there's no outlay but as soon as you go i want to spend a shitload of money on doing this that's when you really find out if they believe in you or not yeah i believe in you is a very nice thing to say i believe in you if it's free yeah i believe in you when the mortgage money i don't believe in you when you're rolling the dice on our fucking bills do you know what I mean that's different but like

but yeah but anyway I don't want to go on and on about it but I think it's a cool thing you've done and like I got picked up

like do you know what I mean I've done I've done a few podcasts this is like this is nice treatment man you get picked up if only we had a chilled

diet coke for you yeah what can you do you can't have everything I've just put one in the fridge for you. So why do you hate it? No, we know. We've just outgrown it a bit.

It's felt more and more cramped in here. Because I'm getting fatter. Almost everything in here was sent in by listeners. We've both put weight on. So it's a lot more clutter. When we got it, it was just me and Dan and the guest. Then we added Carl in. Then we added Finn in.

Steve, who's not here today. There's... It can be a bit... Cramped. We need a bit more space. Yeah, I get you. I did, like... Because I went out a few years ago,

I did this show in the States, like a series, and to promote it, I did loads of podcasts. In America, like, so far ahead about what they... You know, then, like, in the UK, podcasts were such a little thing, and I went to, like, do Adam Carolla's podcast, and I went to, like... It was like a TV studio. Do you know what I mean in the UK, podcasts were such a little thing. And I went to like do Adam Carolla's podcast. And I went to like, it was like a TV studio.

Do you know what I mean? It was mad. And like, there was like runners everywhere. Do you know what I mean? And like, they, you know,

it was like, it was like doing a TV show. And, um, it was, yeah. And, and sort of,

they were just, they were just, they're just so far ahead of the game. Do you know what I mean? And then you come back to the UK and then like somebody is, can you do a podcast? I mean, you sort of meet someone in a park. Do you know what I mean and then you come back to the UK and then like somebody goes can you do a podcast and then you sort of

meet someone in a park do you know what I mean they've got like a little zoom recorder I've done the park podcast always disconcerting when they're like oh shit

have you got any batteries do you know I'm just going to back it up on my phone do you know I once turned up to Dan's to record a podcast

with him this is before we started this I was going to do a podcast for a while called is before we started this. I was going to do a podcast for a while called Top Five. It was going to be comedians talking about their top five comics.

That was the idea. And I turned up to his and I was like, I haven't brought the recorder. That's right. You drove to mine. She just got some lunch and you're like

yeah yeah it's a good episode that I think it was then that we were like this week should work together if we could just remember to bring some of the very fundamentals

of this game we're gonna smash the flaps out of this American podcasts are like we've built we've turned a warehouse into a studio

British podcasting like oh shit where's the on button yeah yeah man it's uh yeah it's mad yeah it's so incredible what's happening it's sort of like i always i always have thought like stand-up comedy as a job is such a arrogant thing to to want to do do you mean like i'm gonna say what i think and i i'd like you to pay me for that you know and and then to i feel like podcasts are like the step beyond that we're like lisa like because i do the one with tom davis like we just like like you guys we just chat and like lisa my

wife's just like you really you really want to put that you think that's good enough you two just fucking talking is good enough for public consumption. Do you know what I mean? It's like, it does feel like, it almost feels like you're taking a piss a bit, to be honest with you. There are some questions where we answer them and we're like, so we're doing pretty well off this. This is what we, yeah. In this week's Patreon, just recorded, we asked, have you ever tried to suck yourself off?

Right. And I copy and pasted that onto a Word document and went, yep, this will do. That actually made the cut. There was other things that didn't make the cut. I think that's sort of what's really good about it, about podcasts in general, because when you do TV or radio or anything like that

where you're sort of not at the mercy of, but there's a format and there's producers and there's gatekeepers sort of going, I don't really think that's going to work and this doesn't work. Podcasts is like, you don't have any of that, right? And that's why it connects with people that like, that haven't maybe, haven't otherwise, I don't want to get too sort of wanky about it, but haven't been otherwise been serviced by that. So like the question, have you ever tried to suck yourself off, right?

If you, it's a funny question to ask, right? If you ever, I don't know if it's Patreon worthy, but it's a funny, no I'm joking, it's a good question to ask. No, I'll see.

That was phenomenal. No, no, I'm joking. But like, it's a funny question to ask, but if you even suggested that in like a fit, in a meeting, do you know what I mean?

Like if somebody goes, have you got any ideas for what we could do? Have you done any prep? I was thinking about just discussing whether you've ever sucked yourself off. There'd be a panic. You think Channel 4 wouldn't be into it?

No, I just think what would happen is, because I've suggested shit that's been a bad idea before in those, and they'll go, cool, cool. Well, look, let's just have a look at some other things. Can we come back to you on that? And at some other things and then we'll can we come back to you on that and then they leave and then they discuss whether they still want you on

the show or not that's basically what the next person you see is security um yeah so it's good man it's really good we got a question i don't know i know it's a question time but it's pod related to you rematch uh so kev wants to know what happened to hip-hop saved my life he said he used to love it and is it gone forever? It's not gone forever. So basically what happened was... For those who don't know, that was a hip hop podcast that you... Yes, so Hip Hop Saved My Life was like...

It was like I just got people on that loved hip hop and we talked about it and it started off being comedians. And the whole idea was that people you don't expect to be into hip-hop are really into hip-hop right and and also hip-hop has this thing where it it affects your lifestyle in quite tragic ways like like you know like you dress different if you listen to hip-hop and like something like people i know used to go and tag like bridges and shit like that because they're so into hip-hop do you mean and so like that was the idea as we started like talking about it and then we started getting artists on and and just like surprised guests

like we had frankie ball had like this mad theory about tupac and biggie were still alive and were a couple on a greek island right and like it sounds like such a mad initial idea but then he started like picking out lyrics and like he actually had like evidence to support his theory but um but in answer to the question uh so basically what happens I started doing this thing on radio too for the love of hip-hop so they approached me to do this initially it was like four episodes of like a super mainstream hip-hop show because radio 2 just didn't have any just didn't have any hip-hop on it at all but I mean I know they've got Trevor Nelson and that he does kind of R&B and a bit of hip-hop but they didn't have a straight hip-hop show so i started doing that and then i started

doing it on sound so i just haven't had time to to do both but the truth is is what's the guy's name that kev so kev kev basically i would i would say that if you really love uh hip-hop saved my life for the love of hip-hop is a different thing because hip-hop saved my life is for proper fucking nerds that like go i've got the purple vinyl of company flow do you mean or whatever like that's for them it's the same theory that you just said for comedy podcasts yeah 100 people yeah like the nitty-gritty they like the long form they like the detail and even if it is a bit geeky or weird or you're trying to suck your own dick. Yeah, yeah. Some people want that rather than the BBC Sounds or the Radio 2 version of it being polished.

Yeah, 100%. So, like, we ended up doing, like, so we do the, the sound show goes on Radio 2 as well. So you've got, like, a middle bit where it's, like, I put on a jacket and do the Radio 2 bit. And then the sounds bit is, like, we get a little bit more deep. So we did an interview of, we did an interview of Lupe Fiasco, right?

And we did, like, we And we did like the sort of mainstream accessible version of that interview where we cut that for people that are just Radio 2 listeners and won't necessarily be like massive Lupe fans. They just know Superstar or whatever, right? And then we did like a proper deep interview afterwards. But Lupe Fiasco, the mad thing about that, he was so fucked off at the beginning of that interview

because he came on and he said, said oh when's this go out and we said like in about a month and he said I was told that it was going out like this week I've got shows in London like later on this week that's the reason I agreed to this interview and then I went oh right I said well I can't I can't really push it forward any amount of time and then he says okay well let's just do it and I was like oh my god like it's just like one of my heroes i mean he's already fucking furious i'll tweet it i put it up on instagram i put a clip of the interview on instagram lupe and i've got quite a lot of followers in the uk i'm sure that i'm sure that'll make a difference it was so awful like and what the problem i had is like i started to become really sycophantic in response to that i don't know if you've ever you're trying to like over egg mate it's so ranked i mean it's like i

always have it when i meet footballers or whatever like that but footballers and rappers whenever i meet them i always regret how i've come across afterwards do you know i mean because you get super thirsty do you know what i mean like just like yeah no totally i totally know what you mean yeah so horrible calling mr fiasco i've always said you're the absolute greatest tupac piggy lupe just saying something to even they're like mate just slow down but yeah but you're not sorry in answer to Kev's question we'll be back we'll be bringing it back

good to know when you said then it's rappers and footballers yeah you're talking about sort of getting

slightly starstruck yeah totally yeah so what footballers have you met where you've acted because obviously you did a lot of

love to see Romesh starstruck he's literally just got one gear like oh fucking I'm buzzed I'd love to see if you even

get a different tone in your voice god Romesh is a bit excited I'm off my tits here yeah mate I remember like my wife it took her a while to like tune into that do you mean because I remember when we first started going out we went on holiday to Portugal and like it was about four days in and she goes to me you know it's really difficult to know if you're enjoying this holiday or not because i was just like because i just can't i my natural default setting is just indifferent it's not like i just can't help it it's just my voice and my face is just like it is just how it is but i do get happy and shit i had that conversation i was, I am enjoying myself by the way,

but I'm just so like level that I'm like, you might not be able to tell. Yeah. It's quite a male thing. Yeah. I'm just like, yeah, this is great. Yeah. But I think Romesh might be next level. Romesh, the house could be on fire and he'd be like, mate, the house is on fire.

So we do need to get out now or we will die in the house. But yeah, but we're footballers i think because like we meet quite a few of them obviously we get them on the top all the time on league of their own but like um i i'm shit at football i'm shit at anything to do with sports so i've got like basic coordination issues i'd say i was like sort of subhuman sort of in that regard i mean it's so like so so so you're you're talking to somebody who you cannot even relate to how they do what they do do you mean I can't even fathom what it's like to to be able to do what they do when you meet a comedian like you know when you gig with comedians that heroes of yours it's a it's like it's it's amazing and you do get nervous

but at the same time you like uh you sort of go well I sort of I'm in the world I might not be on that level but I'm in the world do you know what I mean whereas football I can't even so like I end up you end up sort of

saying things to try and it's just embarrassing like I was I remember like you just sort of say things where so for example like I remember like

I used to do this show Play to the Whistle Frank Lampard was on it and I used to talk to him about, you talk to him about football shit and then you go, what the fuck are you doing? Do you know what I mean?

Like you go, sometimes I wish you'd just like pump it down the wing and you go, what are you saying this to Frank Lampard? Do you know what I mean? Like what are you fucking talking about? Do you know what I mean?

On the train back, we got the other star back from Paris yesterday and on a very smaller scale Than that It was me Alfie Me mate Josh

And sat on a table of four And there's another guy On the table And he Obviously Knew Absolutely Nothing

About football Right So when I I'm of the opinion If you know Absolutely nothing About something Just don't try

Yeah To sound like you do to people who do know. Because, so he goes, oh, you've been the game, eh? Yeah. Madrid, Liverpool fans?

Yeah, yeah. Tough, tough to take. Tough to take. Yeah, it was. Yeah, he goes, I think Liverpool, I think they were fearing the shirt. I think they were fearing the shirt. I think they were fearing the white shirt of Madrid and all its history.

And I feel like if Liverpool had just gone, do you know what? No, we're not going to be fearful. You'd have won that. If only Jürgen had said. Yeah, I wish someone had thought of that. Guys, guys, stop fearing the shirt. Fucking yes, you're absolutely right. It's like the scales have fallen from my eyes.

He's definitely heard that as well. I mean, like, that's not a real opinion. Like, that's when people just repeat things. They assemble bits that they've heard and form like an opinion from that, don't they? Honestly, like, I was so angry, but obviously you can't just get angry with them. Yeah.

And be like, you're a fucking idiot. So you just have to sit there and be like, yeah, of course And then he goes Think what Liverpool need to do this summer The transfer window's opening up again I don't know if you knew that Transfer window's opening up again I think Liverpool need a big man Like

Honestly He goes, Liverpool They put a lot of crosses in And I'm always thinking, if they had a big man like oh honestly he goes he goes Liverpool you know they put a lot of crosses in and I'm always thinking if they had a big man oh

they'd be scoring a lot more goals here oh John Carew get him in but at that point I'd lost me tethered a bit so I went I think what you're doing there

makes you showing a fundamental misunderstanding of why Liverpool crossed the ball so I can't believe you bit you let me go you went ah I think what you're doing there makes you show a fundamental misunderstanding of why Liverpool crossed the ball. I can't believe you bit. He let me go and he went, ah. He just went home and he went, I fucking got one today.

At first, he was pretty chilled out and I just thought, let me just keep. And then I pulled out big mad. And he fucking absolutely went for it. I was like, Liverpool are actually looking for really accurate crosses to find the feet of their forwards

and then Liverpool pounce and try and win the second ball Liverpool's got most of their goals from winning the ball in the high area rather than creating

the best chance but that's if they're not fearing the shirt you know all of that makes sense until you've got fear I hated them like I really

hated them don't talk don't talk football to a footballer yeah also shout probably don't talk comedy to us in it when people are like let's talk about comedy i'm just like is he a footballer well i said don't talk football to a footballer yeah i was just trying to move back to what we were talking about segue wasn't it carl's really enjoying adam's story like keep going adam what else happened on the train You were doing a segue, weren't you? Carl's really enjoying Adam's story. Like, keep going, Adam. What else happened on the train?

You're such a good best friend. Listen to him. That's enough. Never mind Romesh. What about Adam? He hasn't had chance on this podcast. Episode 180. Thank you, Dan.

Adam, did you have a snack on the train? Where are you, sir? Which row? Oh, you're such a sweetie. Oh, my God. Right, I'll help with the segue. Who's the most starstruck you've been with? Because there's got to be some way you're like,

shit, that's Ronaldo or Messi Or Yeah Did you have biscuits Adam Or did you have Shortbreads Yeah this is bad actually Because you put some pressure on me I've got no good answer

You're an Arsenal fan aren't you I am an Arsenal fan But I've Like I've met Yeah when I met Thierry Henry Thierry Henry

Where did you meet Thierry It was Actually Do you know what I'll tell you The one that was madder than Thierry? It was Do you know Actually Do you know what I'll tell you The one that was madder Than Thierry Murray Was Ian Wright

Right So like Because I I loved Ian Wright Absolutely loved Ian Wright Growing up right And I think he's fucking great

Yeah He's such a top bloke But like what happened was Is that I hadn't Like I was just obsessed with him Like growing up As an arsehole

And my dad was like a huge Like you know Obsessed with Ian Wright And I was supporting obsessed with him like growing up as an arsehole my dad was like a huge like you know obsessed with him right and I was supporting Kevin Bridges in Manchester and that tour Bridges and like that tour was like really messy like we would like we would like doing the shows and then we were getting on it like till really like four or five o'clock in the morning and then starting to feel just about all right for the time the next show was running around it was like unsurvivable for much longer really but like um we uh adam's there yeah right yeah no i've seen your like you're properly getting on it but like um i actually sorry to interrupt you do you want to know i actually remember we gigged

together when you were doing that thank god shut up Romesh Jesus Christ this fucking Ian Wright story wind it up go on Adam please do not forget that story we

we gigged together when you were doing that tour with him in outside the box in Kingston like south east or southwest Londonondon yeah and you'd

you'd opened for kevin bridges and you were closing this 23 person gig in a fucking cupboard in kingston i i don't know'm the MC but they'd asked me to MC here so I'm still here he turns up and he's like I was like because he went

oh Ramesh he's doubling I don't think that's an equal double is it he's opening for Kevin Bridges at the Apollo

and he come in and he went how is it and I went fine no but you know what because the reason I was doing that

at that time is that I was doing that at that time is that um i was doing live at the apollo and i hadn't really figured out what my set was going to be because like when you do your when like the first time i did live at the apollo you're like you got your 20 you're just like i'm gonna fucking do that it's 100 right and then this one i was like i don't i'm not sure what i'm gonna do like i was trying to figure out so i kept opening for kev and then going because i didn't want to try stuff out at Kev's gig. I had to like just do a set.

And then I was going. All of a sudden he's going on with notes doing tasks. Exactly, yeah. So guys, what have we got here? Who's met Frank Lampard? Yeah. But like, so I kept doing that. I kept opening for Kev, then doing a local gig.

So in Glasgow, it was like, I was doing the Hydro, which is like, was it 14,000 or something like that? And then I was doing the Yes Bar, which is 35 people. So I would do the Hydro, and then I'd get in a taxi, go down to the thing, and just go and do this tiny gig. And it was like, it was actually, to be honest with you, it was like a cool experience. Do you know what I mean?

Because like, you got to see, properly get to see the difference. Because actually, you guys will have seen this. Like, I know you're both like,

when you go on tour, you sort of have to fill the space a bit. Do you know what I mean? When you're in a tiny club, you can, I think the way you play it's different. Do you know what I mean? Like,

and so then when suddenly you're doing, like, you've got to be bigger, you're bigger in your movements, you can, I think the way you play it's different. Do you know what I mean? And so then when suddenly you're doing, like, you've got to be bigger, you're bigger in your movements, you're, and sometimes some material doesn't work. You know, you can rip it in a small room.

You do it in a big room. It just doesn't fly like that. Do you know what I mean? So it was a really good experience doing that. But the Ian Wright, Ian, is that all right to? Yeah,

get back to me. Yeah, yeah, cool. But like, I'd love to. And they had Heineken as well'd love to and they had heart anakin as well

quite warm so we'd been we'd been like really on it that whole night and then we were going to watch the Manchester Derby

the next day and I was like like really fragile I mean Ian Wright was was like sat across

he's obviously there for the game as well and he was sat across the hotel bar and Bridges goes to me mate like, Ian Wright was sat across the... He's obviously there for the game as well. And he was sat across the hotel bar. And Bridges goes to me, mate, Ian Wright's over there. And I was so fucked that I said, this can't be how I meet Ian Wright.

It can't. I can't. This cannot be. I just don't want it. I will meet Ian Wright properly, but I want to be lucid and entertaining and chatty. And then him to go, do you know what? I think I want to be best mates with that fella entertaining and chatty and then him to go do you know what

I think I want to be best mates with that that's what I want it to be do you know what I mean it's not going to be like that if I meet him now so I said so we were going to the gate

I said can we just sneak out without I don't want to I actually made the choice to not go and say hello to him right and then as we were sneaking out

he recognised us and then called us over and I was like oh my god oh my god oh my god and then like he was chatting to kev kev was absolutely i don't know like kev just he can just do whatever he wants to his body and be completely fine and it's the same it's me right is that yeah right okay well congratulations no health problems with me yeah um and then um i just i honestly they were talking for a little bit and Ian Wright I think

Asian Provocateur this travel show I did in Sri Lanka just come out and Ian Wright goes oh I'm really enjoying that Asian Provocateur and I honestly went

I think you're the greatest oh my god I'm cringing so hard for you It's the most alive I've ever seen you I'm fucking out I mean I couldn't really talk after that Did you hear yourself say it? Yeah I heard myself say it and then I couldn't really talk after that it's like you know when you did you hear yourself say it?

yeah I heard myself say it and like I just I think I just convinced myself because whenever you're in those situations or whenever you're in a pressured situation I always think just say

be honest say what you think do you know what I mean? and that's often the right way to go how often does that come back to you and you just go? No, because Ian Stone was doing a radio show with him. This does get slightly worse. Because Ian Stone was doing a radio show with him at the time

and I text Ian Stone because I was really freaked out about it. And I said, look, mate, I bumped into Ian Wright at this hotel and I've made a real dick of myself. Do you mind like telling him that I'm not normally like that? And Ian stays like, I'm not going to go up to Ian Wright. My friend says he's not normally like that. He's much cooler normally, Ian. Awful.

So true. But that proves that I was right. That I shouldn't have got, you know, I was right to try and... Oh, 100%. Right to try and get out of it. Your instinct was spot on.

Is there anyone you'd be proper starstruck by? I think we've touched on this before. Well, we're bound to have, because we've done 7,000 hours of this. Anything comedy for 40? I've watched so much NFL for the last 10 years that I think some NFL players now would have,

and I also think there's something about America I totally agree with that. that makes it more... It's cinema, isn't it, for us? That's why. Like, we've talked about which comics would, nearly everyone that me and Adam have come up with are American comics,

because it feels like a world, it's so separate from ours even though there's links and you talked about it with podcasting but because I've just sort of gone off F1 and cricket

and our football and I've just become so big an NFL fan there are guys who if I met them I would and it's usually

the sort of like it's not the young like the stars of the they're 23 I'd be stars of the, they're 23. I'd be like, oh yeah, cool, 23. Some of the older dudes who I've been watching for like 10 years, yeah. And part of the reason I think I would be starstruck is, I get it that they're just some fucking athletes and sportsmen and everything,

but I think the thing that would make me weird is my internal monologue going, don't be weird, don't be weird, don't be weird. I think that would fuck me up. Yeah. Because you don't make a fucking tit to yourself. Larry Fitzgerald is a, I just think is such a fucking cool. Is he the one who knows everything?

The older one? Yeah. Yeah, he knows everything about NFL. What? Isn't he like the one NFL what isn't he very isn't he like the no he's no

but yeah some of the older dudes like Tony Romo who are now broadcast oh yeah you love it I know Tony oh Rum Dogs

Rihon Romeo yeah I think they get me Tony Romeo what about you with Liverpool players is there any like Jürgen now he's obviously

a bit special yeah but I don't know if star sucks but I'd be excited I genuinely think I'd just

be like this is sick I don't think I'd be like I don't think I'd go to shit I don't know why what were you like because I

was you supported Bill Burr didn't you I was at that gig you were great man but um but I because I supported him years before yeah and I and he You supported Bill Burr, didn't you? I was at that gig. You were great, man. Thank you. But I, because I supported him years before. Yeah.

And I, and he, I didn't want to, I sort of didn't, it was a similar thing with Ian Wright. I sort of didn't want to talk to him in between because I sort of thought it's better that Bill Burr hasn't spoken to me

than I live the rest of my life with Bill Burr thinking I'm a dick. Do you know what I mean? I just sort of, I prefer that of the two options. Or what options bill burr's a bit of a no exactly yeah yeah but yeah exactly if you suddenly discover this like you know it's like launches in some sort of racist polemic do you mean like backstage oh fuck so as you're saying they don't meet your heroes in case you're a tit basically i think i am yeah and i i always i always i always sort of like um i always bear that in mind when like because when people recognize you you you often get people say

fucking mad stuff to you like and what i find is like when you're a comic they want to say something funny and then they'll try and say something that you've said and like so for example i make jokes about my eye and then they'll go they'll come up to go hello you blind cunt and you go all right mate this is a bit like this is a bit off key but you have to sort of forgive them because i know what that's i'm not saying i'm on the level of i'm not saying i'm on that level but i just know that when you meet somebody that you like their stuff or you recognize them you want to say so you're trying to think of something that's got a bit of impact or something to go i know what you do i know what do you know what i mean and then like so you have to sort of be understanding of

that but yeah some people have got the cool haven't they doesn't matter like some people have just got that gear i i forgive the people who go, because I think I've got a bit of the goon in me. I think I'd say something daft to an American fucking NFL player and like after the fact be like, what was that Dan? So when someone gets excited and goes, I know you're from the podcast. Just sort of misjudges it.

You're like, yeah, it's good. I think you just have to go. Yeah, I get it. But then the other thing, the thing I don't like, i don't know if this happened to you is that when people come and like neg you because they want to oh my god they went for the first time to me last week right yeah so what they want to do is they want to they want to say the opposite they want to say something cool right so their idea of saying something cool is saying

something horrible so what what so this guy clearly knew me he bought me a Guinness and he went I don't really know who you are yeah I was like why the fuck have you bought me a Guinness then he did

he was like on all of the podcasts I was like he was trying to be like damn cool but he didn't the common one with comics is

it's not even that funny yeah I mean I've paid 26 quid for the ticket and whatever but shite yeah

shite on the picture yeah yeah and then like occasionally like I'd be at you'd be out I'm like, shite! Yeah, yeah. Shite! And the pitcher. Yeah. Yeah, and then, like, occasionally, like, I'd be at a, you'd be out and somebody would come up to you and go, I don't know why I've come over to say hello to you because I don't really know who you are. Like, my friends say that, like, you're, like, a comment,

but I don't even, and I go, it's actually not a requirement. Like, you don't have to come over, do you know what I mean? Like, but I think even then, it's somebody, they're just trying to, I think't have to come over do you like but i think even then it's somebody they're just trying to i think you have to kind of i find it annoying that that that that strategy but i still think you have to go sometimes people go a bit mad do you know what i mean like when they see somebody they recognize whatever they're just like thinking of what to say and and sometimes i say the wrong things you have to kind of allow it do you let it affect your day-to-day or i suppose you can't you've got kids you've got to live your life

haven't you but yeah you dodge certain things and there's certain places where you're like i can't be arsed with fucking nando's on a saturday lunchtime or uh no i i don't no not really i don't really get like often people be out of me and they're surprised by how little i kind of get sometimes you get a perfect storm like i was i was out in york the other day and i didn't realize how staggy and henny like um york is but i was just wandering through there i've been like somebody saw me and asked for a photo and then like it just created a bit of a thing but a lot of the time part of the thing is i don't look that approachable do you mean and i do i do fit in that hell do you mean i saw romesh he's in a bad

mood but i genuinely sometimes i'll get a message on instant going i saw you um i saw you out with your family at blah blah i i like your stuff but i didn't it didn't look like you wanted to be talked to so it's like but where's like beckett rob beckett he'll get it he gets it much worse than me because he's like he's got that vibe do you know what i mean of being um approachable and friendly and like do you know what i mean whereas i sort of people yeah i don't really have that same thing so i don't get approached a lot occasionally like there's certain places like okay occasionally it happens where it gets a bit like it must same things that does for you it gets a bit mad but like most of the time it's fine i don't ever change my behavior there must be something in York

because Toby Jones used to run a gig there right and Russell Howard was doing a tour warm-up spot got sort of a little bit lost on the way to the gig got

stopped by one person asking for a selfie yeah and then another person realized what was happening and there's a crowd of 150 people within about 20 minutes.

And Russell Howard's too nice to go, can everyone fuck off? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he had to go, cool, I can't just take this picture. I just need to call someone. Had to ring Toby Jones and go, can you come and get me, please? And he was like, where are you?

He was like, outside H&M. It was just a crowd pinning him against the shop window. So Toby Jones had to come in and be like, guys, sorry, guys, he's got to go. And fucking like, the yeah the body the bodyguard him out just the stupidly annoying thing about that is if they were genuine fans they'd be going to the show yeah yeah it's weird isn't it it's something about yeah it's um it's something about meeting people people get like even because you're like you said a lot of people go if somebody comes up to you and they just recognize you're something that's nice but like it's always much nicer if somebody actually like knows something you've done do you know what i

mean and then you actually then you stop and have a chat or if they're talking about like the hip-hop podcast and then you're like oh no this guy really does yeah yeah there's there's levels in there's a little bit of knowledge and whatnot totally if somebody goes yeah if somebody like specifically pulls out something I'll stop and have a chat because that's like a proper

that's a proper fan I printed a CD in 2008 I printed off about 500 copies sold not all of them and someone

after a gig recently was like yeah yeah I've got your old CD and I thought they meant the one from like five years ago and they were like no I bought that one in 2007 and knew what it was called and

i nearly hugged them yeah i totally get a little bit of insight where you're like oh that's proper yeah 15 year fan yeah that's yeah it's nice isn't it that's all right don't mind that at all my favorite one is when they i had this in town a couple of weeks ago this lad comes to me and he goes you're the you're the guy you're comedy I don't know your name massive fan

I stopped that girl getting a picture with you in Ireland she went can I get a picture I went tell me his name and I'll let you get a picture and she went I don't know I was like go away

like her friends have gone oh he's the famous guy and she gone oh wow I want to get a picture fuck off I was I was in a I was in a bar a few weeks ago Like, if they've gone, oh, he's the famous guy, and she's gone, oh, wow, what a good picture. Fuck off. Yeah. I was in a bar a few weeks ago,

and, like, I was with a couple of mates, and this girl sat down, and she said, everybody's saying someone famous. She didn't know who the hell I was. And she sat down, and she goes, a load of people are saying that there's someone famous at this table. Is it you? And I said, no.

I said, he's an actor and then like she started like really chatting to him like like just was like chatting across me like just was like really into like talking to whoever the famous guy was and then as that was happening somebody asked me for a photo so i got up and did the photo with them and then sat down and then she went what the fuck is going on here really I'm trying to suck up the wrong person really affronted oh that's so funny are you on tour proper now this is middle are you middle of the tour start the tour where where we are right we're right at the arse end of it now because it started it started in two it's like it was pre-pandemic oh no the tour started so one of these yeah so it's like i remember i think it was a four-year tour it's mad well so david costello has said he's going to see it tonight i'm guessing that was

saturday night empire yeah tonight yeah tonight yeah he said since it was delayed two years has it been revised much material wise wow he's pretty demanding this guy so basically

not deliberately because I didn't because I just thought it's the show do you know what I mean but just because I got bored of saying

certain bits and like you end up sort of accidentally writing bits, don't you, as time goes on. So actually the first half is completely different. But that wasn't, I didn't think I must change this up, do you know what I mean? But it just happened naturally.

So yeah, I think like it is a, not a completely different show. There's bits that are the same, but I would say there's probably like a new 45 minutes or something in there but it's just gradually like from gigging and stuff like that it's just like slipped in and stuff and then you sort of go off i don't want to do this bit anymore and whatever so it wasn't i didn't think i must freshen this up it just happened do you do two halves yeah so i do so i don't have a support act i've got we've got a dj that like um that basically

is a support act um and then i come out and do like 45 in the first half and then uh i probably do like 50 55 in the second i mean but that that's not by plan either my i always think i want to do like i always aim for like 40-ish each half. And then what happens is it just gradually expands. And to be honest with you, it's probably too long at the moment, but I just like doing all the stuff, so I haven't chopped anything out. But that is a long time.

I think that second half, you sort of go, if really, if it's not, you're running the risk of them going, fucking hell, do you know what I mean? It's like,

it just feels like a bit of a marathon. Have you ever been at like a music gig and they've gone do you want more and you sort of think well it's getting on a bit yeah i could i could do with getting off that's what i worry about slightly do you know what i mean that is a long old show isn't it yeah how long do you guys do well I'm planning I'm planning to do 20 minutes before the support act they do 20 yeah so that's always

going to overrun to 45 and in my head I want to do 50 55 right right right but I don't like we said like

when a comic ever says to you I'm going to do 50 55 what they mean is an hour an hour and five like when you

on Friday night went you can do 12 I was like, cool. He means 13. He means 13. You always add like 10, 15% don't you? I just, I don't know what you, it's so interesting hearing you do it differently.

I'm planning to do it differently. You're doing it completely different again. There is no one definitely right way. No. I send a support, I come to do 20 minutes, have a break. And then I try to do an hour. But I've- I mean, that's like a break, and then I try to do an hour. Yeah. But I've...

I mean, that's like a proper, that's a proper old school, like almost American way of doing it, which is good, man. Yeah, they obviously, they don't have the intervals, do they? Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's true, yeah. And I'd be tempted to see what it'd be like without an interval, but I don't think it'd work over here. My show at the minute is, I've took a 20-minute routine out of it,

and it's gone down to an hour and 15 it started at 55 an hour and over three months it's grown yeah it's grown by like and is that is that is that where routines have got big or you've added routines routines have just got bigger just tags and and yeah 30 second humble this way and yeah it's not there's no new bits yeah yeah at all it's mad like that is it because i often find like sometimes like if this is this too nerdy for the podcast anyway but no we talk about comedy okay okay but like i have you ever sucked yourself off we'll get to that yeah we'll keep that behind the paywall though um but um i i often like when I've written the first 20 for the tour like you know

I'll write in bits and then there's a theatre down the road from my house like a 100 seater and I'll just go and like try it out often that initial 20 minutes is basically the tour but it just expands do you know what I mean it's so mad how it happens like that it's not like you think it's going to be I'm going to bolt on this I'm going to

bolt on this but actually it just sort of grows and grows and grows and you add bits so like sometimes I think when I when I started writing tour shows I'd write the like the initial bit and I go let me just try this out and I think hold on I've got to think about this a bit more because I'm the kind of lazy bastard that will make this the show now do you know what I mean so I've got to make sure these topics and things are things i actually am going to be in love with like in a year's time do you know what i mean when i'm doing this on the road yeah it's it's hard to judge that though isn't it like so hard like i'm conscious because like we have a lot of people coming to see us at comedy club gigs now yeah like oh i always listen to the podcast so whatever that's where i work my stuff through. Yeah. I don't do many work in progress.

Right, right, right. It's right out in the club. I just put three 20s together and then that's the tour. Yeah. Because my tour finishes the end of June

and I'm not touring again until the end of next year. Right. So I've got like just over a year to rise it. But I always think like, if someone comes and sees me in October this year and they see me do 20 minutes and then they buy a tour ticket for October next next year yeah they're gonna see the same stuff

yes and they're gonna be like this fucking come right nothing yeah doing this for 13 months come to the tours or the work in progress yeah i'm going unlisted in the new year if if club if clubs don't want to put me on unlisted fine but. But I'm not having the same conversation of like, oh, we're coming to Leeds and then you're in Nottingham and then we're going to come and see the tour show. You're like, you're going to see the stuff. Mate, it's hard though. I don't know what you...

I had a thing where I was doing, I'd just done, it's sort of, I'd done Live at the Apollo in the middle of a tour. So like the Live at the Apollo set was like 20 minutes out of the tour, right? And then I was doing the Apollo of a tour so like the live at the Apollo set was like 20 minutes out of the tour right and then I was doing I was doing the Apollo on the tour

and that set was in the thing right and in the interval I was having a great like I was having a really nice time and then in the interval I just saw this tweet

from somebody going and I was in a bit I was a bit tired at this time right I saw a tweet going fucking hell I'm at the Apollo gig with Ron Mastroianni

I've've seen all this shit before right he tagged me and i now i'll be honest with you first of all i wouldn't look at my phone to see in the interval but even if i did i'm now immune to i've managed to get myself to a place where i don't really not that i don't care but i'm immune to that kind of thing but then i wasn't and like so i was just like oh my god everybody hates this show right and i started like spiraling right and like so when i went out to do the second half it was like having an out-of-body experience like i had a good gig but in my head i was just thinking about this one person that was hating it the reality is he probably walked out but like i was like thinking about this whole thing it like

it fucked it ruined my apollo like experience right i mean? Jesus. I mean, after the gig, there's like a, they've got a bar, we had a bar, like, for guests or whatever. And Mark Schwartzer was there, right? Like, he'd come to watch the show. And I was like, I was like, I was like. That's so random. I know. And I was spinning out, right?

I was like in a really bad place. And he went, and I just couldn't social, I went to the bar because a couple of my mates were there, but I was like, I can't explain it to you. I was not in a good headspace. Your head's falling off.

Fucked, mate. Yeah. Right? Like, properly. And so then, like, I walk in, he introduces himself, and I just go,

yeah, all right, mate. And I just, I couldn't, I just didn't have the social skills to like, I just couldn't, I'm not in a place to talk to Mark Schwarzer

right now, right? So, like, so, like, so, so so so i just go home after the like do do what i think is like the the requisite amount of time in the bar to like be polite and then i leave right months later right i get a text message from somebody going you're getting you're getting absolutely coated off and fighting talk right now right and they and i was like what and they were doing an item about having a weird experience when you meet somebody you're a fan of right and mark schwartzenberg's on the show he was talking about coming to the apollo being excited to meet me and me just being a bit of a prick and then i just thought oh my god this night keeps coming back i end up having to message him just going i think you're the greatest

didn't you get ian stone to message him oh you should never be allowed around football it's the most niche footballer ever as well mark schwartz oh my god i think we should have A little break Got it And we'll come back With some more stuff No one can follow Mark Schwartz

There's the button Mitt Wag wag lids It's Dan Hope you're enjoying Today's episode Do us a favour If you're watching

On YouTube Like the video Subscribe If you're listening Follow us on all socials At have a word pod Tell a friend Do something

Help spread the word also I'm on tour next year if you want to come and see me do stand up get tickets at dannightingale.com appreciate you

you're a good egg you're a good lid back to the episode it's a toxic work environment we've got oh it's nasty it gets nasty it does toxic

hey we're going perpignan soon though can we go to the new camp we're going what can we Hey, we're going Perpignan too, though. Really? Can we go to the new camp? What? Can we go to? We're going to watch Catalan Dragons. Why is that not enough? Why is that not enough?

I don't give a fuck. Ian, you'll stay around for a couple of days. We're going to go and watch rugby league, ironically. Really? Yeah. Yeah, we're going to Barcelona. Because there's a team called Catalan Dragons that are in the Super League, which is full of northern fucking rugby league teams.

And there's an away day where loads of northern Bel-Ans, hi guys, St. Ellen's fans, we're coming with you, go to Perpignan. And I need to see it. I need to see what a load of northerners go, we're looking love rugby league.

They don't do pies. I want to see it. I want to see what it's like You do paella though What in Perpignan in south of France You're in our bed In Barcelona You probably do sell paella

Yeah Somewhere Alright cool In the north as well Paella is Yeah Great points guys Glad we made them

Also Carl was actually He's doing a play on words Because you said pie And that sounds like the first syllable of pie I'm not having it I'm not accepting it it's not up to

the Mark Schwarzer standard that we've set here guys if you'd have asked me to guess that footballer we would be here until we were old old men I'd have whipped out

Papa Boobity up so many times before we got to rest in peace this one have whipped out Papa Boobity Op so many times before we got to... This one's for you, Papa Booba. Lewis Stoker says, first question, do you miss Papa Boobity Op? We do. Of course we do, Lewis.

I think about him every day. Every day I'm like, Papa. If you can hear me. Now that's a joke. Fucking paella was wanked fuck off well done he didn't even mean it get in the fridge

it came to him as he said it and I said it they're often our best bits oh nanana right big end up never mind

we're going to do a would you rather Ramesh because this is what this house was built on nonsense and you can't not do either you've got to do a would you rather, Ramesh. Okay. Because this is what this house was built on. Nonsense. And you can't not do either. You've got to do one.

Sure. Would you rather exclusively have responsibility for bathing your dad, arse and balls, cleanse included, or have your dad exclusively bathe you? So there's two choices. Your dad's cleaning you or you're cleaning your dad. Carl, you're going to have to use your mouth.

Mine's going to be a bit of a process. Carl's dad is pop a boobity up and he's not here. I would do almost anything to avoid washing my dad's cock. I tell you what, it would make bath time with my kids really weird. When I was like, Jack, Etta, Dad! Yeah, that's not good. mean dad can wash me personally yeah well that's what you'd have to do to not wash his cock to let him wash yours yeah but he's washing your cock i know but you could close your eyes is it there's no you sort of described very quickly what the wash would be like is it like

a thorough are you talking about you you You aren't allowed to bathe yourself. No, but what I'm saying is if I was washing, I mean, just to get the awkward sound, my dad passed away a few years ago, but let's assume he's alive for this thing. Ramesh, I honestly wish I knew that. And I apologise for how fucking, in my head I was like, yeah, this is fine.

It's fine, it is fine. Was he Papa Booba Diop? No, he wasn't. He made it worse. He looked a bit like him. That's not my joke to laugh at. Sorry, no, sure, sure. But the thing is,

if my dad, knowing my dad as I do, if he was tasked with washing my cock, as well as everything else, I feel like he'd do it quite gingerly. I don't think he'd get in the mix do you know what i mean like so you sort of feel like i feel like he'd have a bit of consideration sort of like i feel like he'd go i know this is uncomfortable and he would just sort of go quick do you mean i can't imagine he'd go oh let's go to town on this bad boy do you know what i mean so i? So I think that affects it. Do you know what I mean?

Cause like, if I was washing my dad's dick. Have you seen the star of Shawshank Redemption? I hope to God my mom doesn't see this. So what did you talk about on that podcast? Oh, well. Shut up Mrs. Ranganathan. Mrs Ranganathan I had a real moment there

that added hangover and just everything that we've done for two and a half years

with this podcast we've got one of the biggest comics in the UK and I heard him say out loud no no no if I was watching me dance Guys, we've got one of the biggest comics in the UK and I heard him say out loud,

no, no, no, if I was watching me dance, and if I was sat above us watching that happen. Oh, this one's going to go down. Sorry, we interrupted you. If I was watching my dad's... Distance, Power spray. Yeah, I guess so. You take it off? God damn.

That's dick. Fact. Yeah. Fact. And you know that through your research. It's on the cartridge, I've heard. Yeah. Because I've seen it take the paint off a bonnet.

Oh, no. Don't close, you animals. It's not- You're just fucking- not fucking slicing it like a chorizo. Your dad's dick isn't a fucking dirty patio.

Oh, that's the bum in it. No, I mean from a distance. Yeah. No, you've been missing for an asshole.

How do you know I'm a dad girl? Fuck, I'm right in the dirty patio. All night long. Jet washed it from a distance had to move the furniture I think we'd all do a very

half-assed job yes that's the point yeah that's the point I'm trying to because it depends how much they're depending on that wash if it's like just for this if it's just a thing

yeah that you have to do and they're not depending on that it's it's gonna be annual in it yeah i think so one one spray at christmas yeah what have you got me for christmas never mind that get in the garden come on then turn the carter on yeah that was great yeah oh what what literally nothing he Heard the joke That I edited out Like he's seen me

Right here and go nope So we haven't actually answered the question have we I'd let me down Bath me I mean this is impossible for me but I'd just close my eyes It's not impossible It's just more difficult Very difficult

I want to bathe I want to bathe regularly Because I really like being clean So That would mean I have to You might change that No no

But yeah So I will bathe my dad And be like Dad Honestly You're in your 70s Don't go anywhere How many times

Do we need to bathe a week Once every other Come on I we need to bathe a week? Once every other? Come on. I personally need to be clean. So if I choose that he cleans me, that is me seeing my dad twice a day sometimes. Fucking painful.

Just once every fortnight, cart shirt in the garden. Say hello to me, step-mom. It's weird. Off I go. Yeah. This is the only time you visit. Patio's clean, isn't it?

Are you doing that as well? Yeah, what I love here. Wow, you've got the car chanels. You've got the car chanels. Dude, the flags. Yeah, I think I agree with you. I'd watch'd watch my dad i tell you what thank you for being a uh a very good podcast because i didn't know all right yeah that happened uh that happened on i did big fat quiz and uh jimmy carr said i promise you've been in a lot of travel shows uh with your mum what does your dad say about that and i said I promise you've been in a lot of travel shows with your mum

what do your dad say about that and I said he says I've been dead for four years and it got it was like really early on in the record and it got really fucking awkward but they put it in they kept it in

the amount of dead parent jokes that we've made on this podcast because both mine and Dan's mums are partying with papa partying with Papa. Partying with Papa is the best analogy ever.

Mr. Ranganathan, Papa Bibidi up and our mums. It's a hell of a party. Hell of a podcast. Hell of a podcast. Hell of a podcast. They're all just baffling each other. Come on. Oh, God, I'm not.

Upset me. One of my favourite moments Ever on Have A Word Was when Really sincerely I explained how my mum died And I went And if you don't know Dan's mum

Was bummed to death And it took him A second and a half To register What I'm just being said And just like her I had to just take it Rough Rough It took him a second and a half to make you stare. When I'm just being sent there, he's like... And just like her, I had to just take it. Rough.

Rough. See? This is... It's fucked me up, this podcast. Yeah, it really is. Because I didn't used to joke about this. No, you shouldn't. This isn't even a patron.

But here I am, two fucking scousers. I'm like, yeah, yeah. My nan's a slag as well. That's bad. Really bad. It is, isn't it? Yeah, that's fucked, man. How dare you?

Well, you've been rewired in a terrible way. It's good, though, isn't it? Yeah. I got some advice. We give some advice out. Okay. You're a man of wisdom. Sure.

People want to know how to live their lives in the kitchen. People want to know how to live their lives And they can't do it Hey David, Alfonso, Kobe, Stefan And Finn and Ramesh God this person knew I could do with your advice I've been trying to spice things up a bit with the missus

Through things like a cheeky finger up my arse Or a spot of rimming But she keeps shrugging it off due to my IBS And the fact I always need a shit Any ideas to persuade As cleaning alone isn't doing it for her and needs some persuasion tactics? Thanks, Anonymous.

Pick something else. I think live your life without doing that, man. What the fuck are you talking about? If you know that you've got that going on, no, you need to be persuaded to fucking drop it. Jesus Christ. Stay away from the area. That's not for you.

That is not for you. It's just one of the things that you can be born with. That means you just don't get to do certain things. And if you've got IBS, you don't get fingered in the ass. That's a sacrifice you've got to make. Fucking hell, you can't have everything. You can't be on the toilet for the seventh time in an afternoon

going, gosh, she's frigid. So frigid. So vanilla. Yeah. Having said that, I think I've got IBS, never been diagnosed, but it'd be a short conversation with the doctor.

You know, I've had. Yeah, I know, but don't you have to legally just do some sort of, like, formal warning before they go in the area? Well, the last girl who did it didn't ask. She just... She's an adventure. Have you ever been valeted? Have you ever been...

What? Tongue? On my bumhole? Yeah. Yeah. That's risky for you. Like, wow. Why have you allowed that do you mean allowed

is that like you know you said she didn't ask yeah is that like is that another consent level do you think is that like

because like you are I assume you're having it wasn't just like it you weren't just out and about a meet and greet yeah yeah just like

okay now so you're there anyway aren't you so then like the idea that she did not is like that fuck you now. So you're there anyway, aren't you? So then like the idea that she did not, is like that suggests that that's another level, right?

Yeah. I see what you mean. But I think with a lot of consent things like that once you're in the middle of things, it's someone tries something and if the other person

lets it happen, they let it happen. And if they say no, then they say no and you stop. And I didn't say no yeah or loved you to turn up

to Liverpool City Centre police station at four in the morning going I've just been licked out against my will yeah we're having sex in that but that was

wow that was too much wow yeah don't say them words what I've been getting licked out against his will

it's fucking disturbing All of our dirty This one's got Oh my god It's been so She didn't She didn't do the tongue Yeah

She just The tongue punch And were you nervous? No I was too drunk to care Okay fine Yeah I would just be concerned Yeah

I'd be like What's going on back there And we'd be able to enjoy What was going on up here Grow the fuck up The lot of you What do you mean Up here

What do you mean grow up He's expressing a fucking Valid feeling about it No Okay Grow up This is an open discussion You said something he feels

I'll grow the fuck up Talks very toxic What the fuck is wrong with you man I just think you've been You've been given a gift Yeah but you just I understand that You get nervous

Do you know what I mean Like you sort of I'd be like What if there's something Happening and You know Can I just say Thank you for sharing that

Yeah yeah I agree I appreciate that you I appreciate it Just get fingered you pussy Romesh I don't think we've ever Been this eggy with each other No no What is you bro I appreciate that you're listening. Just get fingered, you pussy. Romesh, I don't think we've ever been this eggy with each other. I don't know what it is you brought.

Episode's been great, but you're going to come awake. Romesh is going to be talking to Sean Mosh going, I don't think those guys have got left. There's a company. It seems weird. They just sort of, the chemistry's gone. I don't know what the fuck's going on there, man. No, I'd have to prepare thoroughly.

Yeah, I would too. I would too. Do you know what I would do thoroughly. Yeah, I would too. I would too. Do you know what I would do? I would take... Spa weekend. I would take... You know you can take that stuff that gives you a proper clear out? Yeah.

So I'd write off the weekend and just empty myself completely. Like I was going into surgery. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean? And then full clean. And then you don't have to worry. You're like, I'm fine.

I have cleaned the household before. You've douched in the bath before. Yeah, but not like you're preparing for a colonoscopy. God, I might just... In the moment, a finger goes in. You're like for a colonoscopy God I might Just in the moment A finger goes in You're like wow What's happening

I don't think Feel alive I don't think my I just don't Consider my arsehole To be spontaneous ready You know what I mean I think that requires

I would like a written invite A bit A couple of days to prepare You know what I mean To be witnessed by a solicitor Do you know? I kind of did get a little warning from the girl. Right.

I've only just remembered this. Here comes the train. No. Oh, no. Don't do... She took her false nail off. Fuck off It doesn't matter if it's not true

It's too beautiful No I swear to God She took it off and threw it on the floor And I found it like three days later Do you know what? I actually think that's nice That's a responsible lover

Yeah Congratulations And puppet master What do you think? She took her whole foot off Three days later. Do you know what? I actually think that's nice. That's a responsible lover. Yeah. Congratulations. And puppet master. What do you think? It's a whole four off. Let's go. It's like that.

One, two. Fucking hell. That's it. You planning on going? Goes on to the second hand. What the fuck Yeah I remember Oh that's so not sexy I'll tell you what

Which finger was it Index I think it was the middle one The big one as well I'll tell you what It's not a great advert For whoever did those nails Which is what I'd have been thinking

That's not shellac Another one forever did those nails. Which is what I'd have been thinking. That's not shellac. Another one, because we've got, because Romesh has got. It's not getting increasingly deprived, is it? watching your dad's dick was the eye power.

For a middle act. The problem is, I've broken the seal. I've broken the seal now. I can't be like, so how did you get into comedy Daniel Phillips says question for you boys

need some advice me and eight of my mates are going to Zante in June most of us including me are very inexperienced with the ladies do you have any advice on how to pull

some serious punani Jesus also yeah turn to God these lads are all faulty pull some serious punani. Jesus. Also. Yeah, 10 to God. These lads are all faulty. Also. We've tried using slang from 1993.

That hasn't worked so far. I once got my dick out and said cowabunga. To no effect. Wazzah! You know, like the outfit where you going hey punani

do you have do you have any advice on how to pull some not even not even funny punani yeah serious some like

I've always said questions questions questions questions oh yeah you're answering that's your policy isn't it

questions always questions people like talking about themselves ask them questions how many fake fingernails have you got on did I answer you

no you asked them what their favourite pack of crisps is that's your opener yeah which favourite crisp yeah that's your opener. Yeah, what's your favourite crisp? That's your opener? Yeah.

Interesting. It's just very neutral, and it's something everyone's got a strong opinion on. Right, right, right. But, like, you know, it's non-threatening. But the thing with that is that that is a lying question, isn't it? Do you know what I mean?

Like, that's not something, if you start a conversation with somebody and you go what's your favorite crisp that's like you are you're almost like that's a sign that you're entering into like a flirty conversation yeah i do it with boys as well i just think it's a funny uh opener funny icebreaker right hang on you bring it all you want Carl when in Zante have you ever gone up to some boys

never been to Zante lads what's your favourite pack of crisps it is flirting innit you don't do it to boys surely I do it with everyone

Carl flirts with everyone right men women children I don't flirt with children he's not actually trying to get ladies he just loves crisps

and the knowledge in and around crisps I like to know what people's opinions are Ramesh what laid. He just loves crisps and the knowledge in and around crisps. I like to know people's opinions, though. Ramesh, what's your favourite part of a crisp? Oh, Ramesh, you're going to get fucked. These are quite bougie, these. But this is Company Torres, these black truffle crisps

that are fucking off the chain. Oh, my God. They're so good. I don't like the flavour of truffle. What about mainstream? Not for you. Okay, what if you go into a Tesco then? You haven't got this

Bougie stuff Well Again I'll probably go Is it a kettle chip? Probably yeah I think it's a kettle chip The chilli kettle chips are nice

They are nice They're really nice Any flavourful These new ones that are like Hummus chips I do want to fuck you yeah it works with boys as well

it's incredible because I didn't realise you were doing it it's like it's just part of the podcast and then I thought I love it how you were like

yeah quite bougie Chris and Karl was like yeah just say hula hoops or something yeah something that is my new one so I'll make a hula hoop so my new one

which is very crisp oh these really bougie chuffer ones didn't like that answer yeah yeah sorry Romesh Yeah something That is my new one Salt and pepper hula hoops Are my new one What's your favourite crisp? Oh these really Bougie shuffle ones Didn't like that answer Yeah Sorry Romesh I should have Specified which shops

You were allowed to choose from What's your favourite Flavour of crisps That I like? Yeah Mainstream Go fuck yourself Where did you get

These tonnage crisps? Actually It was They had them out at some weird party. And then I asked. I liked them so much. But they're so expensive. It's a recipe. Hang on.

It's delicious. How expensive? How expensive could it be? What, like 100 grams? Four quid. A pack? Wow. Cost of living these days.

Tone's, they look cool. There you go. It's a nice bag. It is a nice bag. It is a nice bag. a pack wow cost of living these days Torres de loco there you go it's a nice bag it is a nice bag it is a nice bag yeah I want to try them now even though I know

I'm not going to like them yeah but you can only have them if you're an edgelord they're not for the mainstream you know what I mean our new sponsor we're buying some now buy some

you're buying some we're not after that I'm on my own you guys have got a budget on this thing yeah our business card gets abused we bought a dildo last week for no reason other than the fact we had sarah keyway thing and she told us she likes dildos where is it that's how that went fucking love dildos guys you should buy one we were like oh sarah you're a lesbian so let's do it this week he likes chris we're buying them yeahah you're a lesbian so let's do it well this

week he likes chris we're buying them yeah it'll be a new theme we buy what the guest likes that's lovely yeah and then all those yeah it's good if the next guest could be really into speed boats i'd like that what's your favorite speed boat mainstream though sea cat yeah no like a speed boat you can get in like a normal dog What's your favourite speedboat Mainstream though Seacat Yeah No like a speedboat You can get in like a normal dog

No like a Tesco speedboat Yeah Like a Like a regular speedboat That someone like I could get Is what I meant Living in Cairn I have a word

and then we'll let you go back to play Liverpool it's gotta be dirty because it's all we've done in it all we've done is filth

so we're in the dirt I haven't got anything else I've got one about dads I can't do it this is from Ann Anonymous who's a lady good evening and hope you're well that's weird This is from Ann Anonymous, who's a lady.

Good evening and hope you're well. That's weird. You need to have a word with my lad. I like it. Good evening. Operator. Good evening. I've sent this email in the evening.

I assume you'll read it in the evening. Good evening and hope you're well. You need to have a word with my lad. Every time we have sex, he thinks it's okay. Can I just say, phrasing? Yeah. Yeah. You need to have a word with my lad.

That sounds like a son. So immediately I think she's talking about her son. Yeah, that's son. Hang on. Let's read on. That could be the situation, actually. How do I stop fucking my son? It's time to have a word. So do you want me to change it to boyfriend?

No. She say my lad. Read it verbatim. Right, okay. You need to have a word with my lad who is not my biological son. That's what she said. Hi to Romesh.

Thank you for clearing that up. Could you say good evening to Romesh? Weird. Every time we have sex, he thinks it's okay to come all over the sheets without warning. It's honestly like a full-on sprinkler. Even had it in the eye a few times, it's not ideal. I'm so over it as I need to change the sheets every two days.

We've been together 18 months. What do you think about this? P.S. He also took me to see Adam Rowe's stand-up show in Glasgow in March, and Adam called him ugly. Ha, ha, ha ha ha ha I didn't call him ugly I said he was punched above his weight in context of my routine about punch above my weight do you remember him no I just know the joke yeah I know me show you weren't like oh yeah that ugly cunt in Glasgow with the sprinkler dick and so is she asked us to have a way with him because he keeps coming

all over the bed yeah all over the sheets that's the breakdown right break it down I think she's right of course

she's right yes I don't think he agrees yeah oh yeah I know I do agree I just feel like what's happening here

also I'm now I think the face is because I'm trying to work out if in Glas, like, in like a sort of Glaswegian parlance,

lads makes more sense. Yeah. My fucking lads. It's probably all right. But it's just, you're just hearing it in that context. I immediately assumed son.

Are my lads playing football next week? What we will say is, if you are fucking your son him coming on the sheets is the least of your problems yeah that is quite a mum

thing to complain about though these sheets yeah bloody I don't mind having sex but these sheets that's what I object

to three times a week I'm washing these like a fucking hotel here black room illumination and you wore chicken nuggets afterwards Three times a week I'm washing these. Like a fucking hotel here. Black room illumination. And you wore chicken nuggets afterwards, didn't you?

Let's assume it's her boyfriend. I mean, it is. But it was great to assume that it wasn't. I think just ask him to Stop coming on your sheets Yeah Aim for a leg There's other places Yeah

Yeah Maybe if you could get something Like a I guess like a spittoon That you keep by the bed Metal Metal Like a

Yeah Some sort of metal vase That you know Collective Yeah And then you just have to On the beach You come there you go

oh no yeah someone's just come in the shop yeah my advice would be to buy him

a towel that is specifically for his hand. Oh, no. Not you with your dirty towel. What? No. Just aim for her. She can shower.

It's efficient. Have a little cum towel. You wash it every whenever. Every whenever. Never. Just use your underpants. What? You take your underpants off after

you wash them every day yeah I thought you meant while they were still on just pull them back up yeah just at the point of relaxation

oh quavers I've done that before actually I've had that train of thought yeah because they go in the wash every day anyway yeah about to

I wish I preferred your spittoon. Just slosh it out or whatever. Oh. However often. You get a big one, you don't have to do it that often, but the problem is, it's heavy. I'm taking a bucket of juice downstairs.

Like a fucking witch's cauldron. I'm going to put the tea on. We're having sausages, mash and gravy thank you do us a favour you go and empty the cum bucket can you take out the juice vials

it needs a rinse well hasn't this been something look you've got several options there for you have a word just get either a towel

a bucket a whore you know a wh have a word just get either a towel a bucket a whore you know a whore a whore yeah that's what I said that's what I said

yeah I thought you said a whore I'm glad I'm glad we tied that off at the end just to sum up if you missed what we're

in conclusion I thought he said whore right Ramesh thank you so much for coming in thanks for having me man it's been very very fun In conclusion I thought he said Hall Right Ramesh Thank you so much For coming in Thanks for having me man It's been very very fun

It's been so beautiful Congrats on a great podcast Thank you Ramesh A pleasure Thank you And When does your tour end? Finishes

Middle of June Okay In Northampton There we go Got a couple of weeks left Everyone We're finishing our tours In Northampton aren There we go. Got a couple of weeks left. Everyone, we've, we've,

you know, we're finishing our tours in Northampton, aren't we? No, I'm finishing mine in Liverpool. Oh, be serious. You know about it.

Northampton. Spoke about it loads. What? Oh yeah, we're doing the arena because why wouldn't we be? Tickets from ticketsquarter.co.uk

or gigsandtours.com. The link is in the description. We had a few people message us saying, oh, the floor seats are sold out and stuff and the fair sides are sold out. It's the arena. Every seat in there is great. It's going to be a great night.

So just go and get the tickets. It's going to be an unbelievable evening. Thank you, as always. If you don't already follow Ramesh, go and do that. Enjoy your life. Thanks for coming in, man. Thanks, mate.

Thanks for having me. Have we got a song? Yes, we've got a song. This one this week is from Andy Taft. It's a song called Stay from his EP Game With No Rules. Also, my single is available for pre-save, pre-order out 1st July.

Oh, nice one, Finn. That's on the audio. Thanks to everyone else. Cheers, lids. Au revoir. Well, I want you to see me how you used to Cause it's something that makes me wanna feel you Well right now it's so hard just to get through

But I know I'll be there soon Well you keep on twisting the story But I still don't have a problem recalling all the times that I was treated unfairly But if it was

up to me I just want you to, I just want you to, I just want you to I just want you to stay, you to stay Can't you just wait a, can't you just wait a Can't you just wait a day, wait a day, wait a day We'll see you next time. I've been told that it's my own time that I'm wasting So here goes nothing I just want you to, I just want you to I just want you to stay, you to stay

Can't you just wait a, can't you just wait a Can't you just wait a day, wait a day, wait a day? guitar solo It's a good thing you told me this early Cause I don't know how I'd feel now if you left me Well I'm stronger than I thought I ever could be But it's still not easy I just want you to I just want you to I just want you to stay

You to stay Can't you just wait a Can't you just wait a Can't you just wait a day Wait a day now I just want you to, I just want you to I just want you to stay Can't you just wait up, can't you just wait up

Can't you just wait a day, wait a day, wait a day Thank you.