Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #180 with Kane Brown - Have A Word w/Adam & Dan

Episode Date: July 10, 2022

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Hidden away in the scenic hills of sunny Rancon, England. These are the funniest leads in the podcast game. Adam Rowe, Dan Nightingale and Sensei Carl with full HD video episodes on YouTube. It has to be. Have a word. tell you what's fire yeah Yeah. A&E. Good. Well known.

Oh. Accident and emergency. The friends you make there, you keep for life. I, uh... So, if anyone's not a Patreon, I mean, what you do with your lives, we cut this week's episode short because I had a bit of the old chest pain, bit of a heart attack,

bit of a stroke mid-episode. Tid is too juicy. So, I took myself to A&E ah my massive tit I rang me GP and I was like

look I think I've googled it which is always a good thing they love that they love that they're like oh great stop what's happened to you

our job it's funny what she said she went so have you have you self what she wanted to say have you googled your's funny what she said She went So have you Have you self What she wanted to say Have you googled Your fucking symptoms

But she went Have you self Self diagnosed And you went Yeah Yeah because I rang her And said I've got pleurisy She was like

How do you know I was like I googled it You daft swat How else would I know I'm gonna fucking I'm not There's no pleurisy test Coming out of my arsehole

Is there Can't move for the This episode is sponsored by Self pleuracy test use code tight titty tan so I

I was getting like a sharp pain when I was breathing in which was making it very hard to podcast especially a podcast that you know we laugh a lot on

yeah first section was great yeah which is good really because if you'd had it in the first section it would have been an eight minute podcast

so it came sort of like around here. For the audio, Adam is touching his left boob. I was like, yeah, so can I have some antibiotics? Because that's definitely what it is. And she was like, oh, well, the doctor will have to speak to you. And I was like, great. That sounds good, actually. Can I speak to the doctor?

And she was like, oh, you can't possibly speak to a doctor. Was it Janice? What? Was it Janice? It was Janice I feel like you've absolutely manifested this Right No I cannot let you speak to him

He's busy That's the doctor Me getting confused So I was like Can I just speak to the doctor at the end of the day And she went This is how fucking stupid The rules are

And what the Tories have done to this National Health Service She was like no no no You can't speak to a doctor Because to speak to a doctor You have to ring up at either 8am stupid the rules are and what the Tories have done to this National Health Service. She was like, no, no, no. You can't speak to a doctor because to speak to a doctor, you have to ring up at either 8am or 12pm and get an appointment for either the morning or the afternoon. This is three o'clock in the afternoon. All the appointments are gone.

So what you've got to do is wait until half six and then ring the out-of-hours service. Because in what world is that the logical way? Like, have the out-of-hours service available in hours. Just make it so, like, there's someone you can talk to. Stupid. I went, look, love, I can't really wait till half six because I can't breathe.

Like, I'm really struggling to breathe. And she went, oh, if you can't breathe, that could get worse really quickly. So go to hospital. Just to let you know, Janice, I do have health anxiety. I'm in the middle of a panic attack and you have not helped, madam. Oh, it was like everyone in that hospital

the other night had gone, by the way, there's a lad in who's got a history of health anxiety. So let's try and make it worse. Doctor's pulling back the curtain going, Jesus Christ! No, you're fine. So I get there.

They took all my observations. Obviously, you've got chest pains. They take it quite seriously straight away, especially when you're short of breath and you're sweating. What is pleurisy, by the way? I know you self-diagnosed it. I'm sorry, I don't know what it is. Pleurisy is a lung infection

that can quite quickly turn into pneumonia. You have a stitch. Hang on. He had self-diagnosed pleurisy. It sounds like something from a Dickens novel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sounds like something we cured a long time ago. Yeah, that sounds like you.

I've got a bit of the old polio, love. Have some antibiotics, please. I've got a bit of the polio. Now he's not self-diagnosed. The old polio. So I drove from here to A&E, get there, they take me observations and literally so she puts the finger on and like

as I listen to me ask and I hear her go ooh and I was like why have you made that noise and she went I shouldn't know I just had a can of coke before. This is the first nurse I've spoke to and I was like oh you don't know what to do with my head. Then she did that and she went ooh. This is the first nurse I've spoken to, I was like, oh you're already doing my editing yeah.

Then. What the fuck she did that? She went, ooh. Yeah. Sorry I had a kind of. Oh no! England lost the Euros. It just, it comes back to me.

It just comes back to me like, fucking so close to winning the Euro. Ah! She starts screaming. Just as they unbutton. Oh Jesus! I've just remembered the ending of Seven Oh God Fucking every time it comes back to me

I need to stop thinking about Seven at work So there's a main bit of A&E majors In the Royal Liverpool Hospital And there's another bit before it They kept me in the before bit. I'm sat there waiting to be seen again and they wheel

in a prisoner. So he's in full prison stuff, handcuffed, and he's got two policemen with him, right? What? Has anyone else got? Hannibal. Hannibal! He's not a million miles away But he's a proper

Proper Scally And he's really loud As they tend to be Prisoners who You know He's obviously Already in Nick He's in full prison gear

So he's there And he's like going Oh yeah Yeah Tell you when them Matrix lot get older They fucking Beat the shit out of you

Beat the shit out of you mate It the shite out of you, mate. It's not good. It's not good. Anyone can be a criminal. Sometimes it's just to be beaten up. I'm there just like, what's he doing trying to prove his... Guys, I am in front of you here today at 80

to fucking denounce my crimes. What? It sounds like he's doing a play. Honestly. And then at one point, he gets talking to a fella and the fella goes, are you all right, mate?

And he goes, yeah, do you know what I was Nick for Being a TikToker Yeah Did he get four strikes Fucking hell We're going to Nick soon Yeah

He goes Don't even know what Being a TikToker means But I was making videos With me mates And next thing I know The fucking Matrix jump out Beat the living shit out of me

Being in prison ever since They're finally getting me Looked at by a doctor So I'm like The fucking Matrix jump out, beat the living shite out of me, been in prison ever since. They're finally getting me looked at by a doctor. So I'm like... I don't believe him. Is that what he's genuinely... He's in A&E. I was doing a fucking dance routine to the weekend. Next minute, I'm in the fucking Matrix.

He was already handcuffed. I loved him. Can we have a, can we have a, yeah, he's. That was me acting him out. I know. I wasn't, I wasn't saying he was doing the TikTok. Lads, we're all going down for this. So fucking tie yourself up.

Checking his video and I'm like with guns and shit probably I've got no idea I've got no idea I'm giving you all the context I've got oh you've not got his heart give him a follow

who else is following Merseyside police he's made a mistake there they don't call me through and they're like right we're going to do an ECG on you

and take some blood so this girl took some blood Out of me arm And She She's like Yeah I just need to get a little bit

Out of here She takes it I'm all nervous and stuff And she goes Oh bloody hell I was like right cool And she goes To be honest

Yeah I've I've never I've never done blood unsupervised before Don't be honest then Don't be honest then Don't be honest Lie to me bitch Yeah lie

And I went Why are you telling me that She goes I'm just making conversation I was like Just don't make conversation That's not good Did she struggle to find the vein

No she found the vein Quite quickly I've got like a A bit of a mark on my arm There I'll show you in a bit She didn't do a great job So they took my blood

Sent me back out Then they brought me back in, and the doctor was like, I'm going to do an ECG. So you get all fucking, you know, lasered up. You look like fucking Mewtwo. I don't know what an ECG is either. Sorry. It's a heart race.

Oh, right. Seeing if your heart's all right. Right. So he does that. He's making jokes and stuff. And then he goes, right, you come with me. We're going to have a look at this together. So he's asking me everything that's been going on.

And he goes, right, so... He goes, your ECG looks okay. What does that mean? What does okay mean? Tell me it's great or that I'm dying. Like... No, surely he's got an okay or not okay. He can't give you a range.

What do you mean? Okay is good, isn't it? But he did this with his head. He went, your ECG looks okay. All right. What's that? What's that mean? What do you want? Okay is good, isn't it? But he did this with his head. He went, your ECG looks okay. All right. What's that? What's that mean? What do you want?

A score out of 10? I just want to know. Like, okay. It's so ambiguous. Well, it can't be fabulous, can it? Well, I don't know. Fabulous would be a weird word. I think it's a...

Your ECG is okay or it's not okay. Your ECG is fucking sexy. Your ECG is bicurious. I'm getting a hell of a beat off this one. He goes, they love being ambiguous so they don't get pinned down. They don't,

that's what. I thought he had to be very, very, very clear and sincere. I think ambiguity works really well for medical professionals so they don't get fucking sued at any point. I just said it was okay.

You know? Oh, I don't think that's true. point i just said it was okay you know oh i don't think that's okay me i was like right okay he goes uh so he's like so your ecg is a a pianist he goes we're waiting on a waiting on your blood test so could you go and sit in the hallway and uh he says it's normally about an hour and a half might be two hours today oh great cool at this point i realized seeing a lot of tiktokers at this point i realized i hadn't eaten a single thing all day apart from four rennies which aren't food um so it's fine because i've come here not had breakfast we didn't really get lunch because we were in a bit of a rush.

Then we couldn't get lunch because I, like, delayed the second part and eventually cancelled it. And then I went straight to the hospital. So it was not too easy all day. But I couldn't leave in case the results come earlier or whatever. So I'm sat there for like an hour and I'm texting them or whatever. Then he comes back out and he goes, Adam, let's just have another little wee. He goes, let's just ask some questions.

So ask me to take you through me day and what what's going on he goes and uh what have you been doing the past few days i was like i've been in spain he goes oh did you drink a little bit more than you normally would in spain i was like well normally would probably not like it's probably like it's a fairly non-boozy holiday compared to my general lifestyle it wasn't like over the top no really no because at every point where it was about to get properly messy, we went and got food. Yeah. So he's like, right, so you drank a fair bit. He goes, but you flew.

I went, yeah. He went, right. How many times have you flown in the past week? I said twice. He goes, ah. He goes, it's probably not DVT, but definitely need to wait for your blood test results now. He goes, did you smoke? for your blood test results now he goes

did you have did you smoke I went no and he goes did you smoke on holiday maybe you were talking to a girl and she

she had a ciggy and he had a bit and I went yes you did hang on I went mate I've got to be honest with you

I had a bit of pot on the beach as well the worst place to have it I got Marco food potted or Did you say pod? Is there a bit of pod? Did he say

Did he say defo? What? Did he say at any point Defo Defo Did he use the word defo? I don't know I'm just being

I'm paraphrasing I'm being colloquial Great Talking in my own voice Great I just wondered if you were At the hospital or quick fit I'm not

That's kicking his tires the ecg is not good but you're fucking the tread on the back tires he goes you know so you've you've flown twice in the past week and you've smoked when you don't usually he goes that does change things a little bit so we will defo have to wait for your blood test result um do you know what he did say defo unless it's a confabulated memory i can see him saying it i'd rather he said defo he goes he went he went but to be honest with you i'll eat me hot if you've got a blood clot and i was like why why have you said the words blood clot out loud right he goes go and sit back in the hallway comes out about 15 minutes later and he goes hi dad and i was like hi mate and i thought he had me results and he goes let's get you a chest x-ray. Let's go and get you an x-ray.

Now, I... What time of night is this? It's getting late. This was about half seven. Oh, okay. Right, right. Right. So, I've been there since, what, half four?

Yeah. What the... Do the chest x-ray. Then go and sit back in the corridor. And he goes to me, be out here in a few minutes. I'm like, nice. There for another hour, hour and a half. Then a woman comes over. She goes, me, be out here in a few minutes. I'm like, nice. There for another hour, hour and a half. Then a woman comes over.

She goes, hello, mate. Hello, mate. You Adam Rowe, mate? And I went, yeah. She goes, you have to follow me, mate. Takes me back to the original main waiting area of majors and goes, sit there, mate. They'll call you son, mate.

About another hour and a half later, Adam Rowe. I go in. The girl's like, you all right, babe? He'll call you son, mate. About another hour and a half later, Adam, no! I go in. The girl's like, you all right, babe? I was like, yeah. She goes, got to take more blood off you. There was a problem with the last lot. They want another look.

I was like, right, okay. So I gave her my arm, and she goes, oh, I can't do that one because she's made a right mess of that. I'm like, right, cool. Different girl. Into the other arm. So I have blood taken out of both sides of my body. At least you'll walk straight.

And she goes, I think you're going to get called in the next sort of couple of hours. This was at quarter ten. I was like, right, okay. I went, to be honest with you, love, I'm starving. And I've been fantasising about getting a Subway

for hours now and she goes why haven't you gone and got one there's one over the road I went yeah well I didn't want to go if you were going to call me

she goes well I'll tell them not to call you for the next 20 minutes go and get yourself a subway as I got to the subway door they were locking it up and I swear to god you could see the fellas

the look in the fellas eyes working in the subway he was shutting 5 minutes early he's meant to shut at 10 it's 5 too and I can see him just like I make the Subway rules

so I had to go to fucking Tesco get a little shitty meal deal with a sticker on because it was an added date or whatever

I go back I'm sat there for hours and hours and hours and hours no communication nothing haven't been told why I've been brought

back through put in the fucking waiting area haven't been told why they needed a second lot of blood my anxiety's gone through the roof I already can't breathe anyway and I've still got the through putting the fucking waiting area, haven't been told why they needed a second lot of blood, my anxiety's gone through the roof, I already can't breathe anyway

and I've still got the chest pain. That has not subsided in any way, shape or form. My phone goes down to 5%. I had to text him, hey, oh, by the way, get yourself a car, brought me a phone charger, which I have brought in for you, it's right there.

What a bezo. It was at 1am. Just invoices for that, yeah. So that's three hours after they took the second lot of blood. He come and drop me that phone charger off. At quarter to three, a woman come into the area, a doctor, and I hate people being rude to NHS staff.

I hate it. So like a woman complaining, I'm going, excuse me, love. There's people going in who came in after me and I haven't been fucking

seen yet, it's a joke. And I just wanted to fucking grab her out of fucking neck and just, you know until you see the

light go out of her eyes and I fucking love to have killed this cunt. There was also a fella who kept trying to talk

before you dropped that phone charger off, he sat next to me, he's drunk, he keeps pulling bottles, bottles plural plural of wine out of his backpack having a big swig of it and putting it back and he's trying to talk to me and i'm literally just blanking him at one point a guy goes to me hello mate you all right mate he goes you're still doing the comedy and that's and i went yeah you know right and he goes yeah You don't remember me mate And I was like oh god

I thought He was a fan at first He wasn't I got recognised by the man Who used to give the aftershave Out in Pop World toilets Prince No Martin

Oh no You remember Martin You will remember him If you've seen him Once he took his ass off I was like Oh fucking hell it's Martin He's not doing too well

He's now doing the He's now doing the A&E shift. Giving you aftershave out. No splash, no gash, mate. That's why they do... Every time the doctor has to wash his hands in the surgery, he's just there going, you all right? Blood out.

Little bit of spray. I'm not paying four quid for a fucking slice of blood. Do you know how of my brain is working To figure out Aftershave That rhymes with A heart attack In the comments

Thank you So It gets to like Quarter to three In the morning And I'm just like This woman's come out And I've seen people

Complain to her all night And you can see the NHS staff Getting really really annoyed At everyone Asking questions Like people going Can I have an update Please I've been here

For 45 minutes And it's like yeah It takes time But at this stage I'm like It's been five hours Since I had The second lot of blood taken

Because they told me There was a problem With the first one And I've had no communication at all since then so and i'm also very conscious of who i am as well like at one point this this creeps me out as well and if you're a follower or a fan or whatever please don't do this because it's fucking weird someone dm'd me on twitter saying get in the the vending machine i was sat next to because that's where i could plug the phone in there was a bag of maltesers like you know stuck in it and i just got a dm from like a random

dud twitter account saying give that vending machine a kick uh and see if those maltesers fall and i didn't know it was from i mean it's just just to let you know that they're there and they're watching but not going all right so i'm conscious of that so i just went up to the woman i went i love can i just ask you uh a quick favor i went look i know you get this all the time and i know it does all your head in and i hate asking the question but could i have some sort of update i had blood taken for the second time at like quarter to ten it's nearly three o'clock in the morning now and i'm just wondering like what's going on because you know i'm still in a lot of pain and whatever she goes what's your name? I had a little label on.

She goes, I'll go and check for you now. She goes, I'll come back. 20 minutes later, she comes and shouts at me. And she goes, right, come in. She goes, I've got to apologize for you. Wait, what's happened? There it is. You know, when you were in the other, like, bit around the corner earlier,

and then you were brought back through. She goes, that doctor, he forgot to pass on your results. They've actually just been sat there for ages. So what's happened is I've just had a look at them. Everything's fine. There's nothing wrong with your lungs. There's nothing wrong with your heart, as far as we can tell from your bloods. Obviously, if you go home and it gets a lot worse or you start coughing up blood,

then do come back. We are open 24-7. But for now, the best thing I can do for you is just give you some painkillers. And I was like, so there's no infection, nothing like that. She goes, not that we can see.

Don't think it's pleurisy. Think what's happened is, I think you've got a lot of muscular problems around there. She goes, is it around here and around there? Oh yeah. She goes,

yeah, that's more common than not is like a muscle tear or a lot of inflammation. She goes, so I can give you some codeine and send you on your way. Sent me on my way. Got on like half on like half three quarter four in the morning after getting there at half four at night and i've been sat there for hours because because the tests had

come back and it was fine a tired doctor has gone oh deal with him in a minute he's fine let's deal with someone who's sick so basically when you went to the subway you could have basically got the results within half an hour then you know you went to the subway, you could have got the results within half an hour then. You know, you went to the subway, came back, they've just been sat there, and you've sat there for five hours. And it's... Because you've not wanted to be a knobhead.

You've just sat there going, just let the process play out. They're underfunded. They're all overworked. But actually, it would be better if you were like, what's going on? So from not being a dick, you've had a five-hour sit-down.

Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Thank you, the Tory government, for strangling the NHS to the point where Adam wanted to strangle that woman. He's gone, though, hasn't he? Bojo, today.

He's again. As we're recording. What would be really funny is if we recorded a big, ah, fuck you, he's gone,, hasn't he? Bojo today. He's again. As we're recording. Yeah. What would be really funny is if we recorded a big, ah, fuck you, he's gone and he doesn't go. No, he's doing a Jordan Belfort. I'm not fucking leaving! I'm not fucking leaving! I honestly, I think it's well documented how much I detest the Tories

and Boris Johnson in particular. I have never had more respect for him than yesterday when everyone around was leaving. And it's obvious it's so obvious to everyone on the planet that he's going and he just refused to go yeah because his political strategy is your strategy on the piss that's why you love it that's it's mimicking everyone's like oh this is done this we need to go we need to go boris fuck off then i'm saying i'm going heebie-jeebies just on his own everyone like he's the problem he's the problem who's he with i'd respect him

if he just didn't resign at all i was just like yeah yeah whatever just stays until he has to go by the way how is the next election two and a half years away? It feels like they've been in power. This government, Boris Johnson, that feels like five, six years. So much has fucking happened.

The Panny D and all of that bullshit. It's still another two and a half years before they have to call an election. Oh my God. Oh my God. It's actually very bad that he's leaving. Like for us

yeah because they're just going to rebuild before the election of course that's why they're all they're circling because they know they've got two and a half years

now to put Rishi or whoever they want in if you're a Labour supporter and you want a Labour government it's way better than this absolute clown car of a clusterfuck

of a government trip up and fuck up all the way to an election Tories are too smart this is how they keep power they know that he's unelectable car of a clusterfuck of a government trip up and fuck up all the way to an election. Tories are too smart. This is how they keep power. They know that he's unelectable. That's why they're all turning on him.

Start again. Two and a half years. Everyone's forgot. Yeah, we got back in and we've cleaned it all up. You know, let's look to a brighter future. Everyone goes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Then it happens again. Yeah.

That's why. If you're a Tory now, especially a Tory MP or a like a minister in particular like Dominic Raab or Priti Patel or Rishi or any of them who are all like

Raab will stand for leadership now Rishi probably will as well that's Sue Ellen who said she's gonna do it on a on Peston last night on ITV did you see Mark Watson's tweet

wow did you see Mark Watson's tweet no he deleted it because he said he can't be bothered being interviewed but he went to uni with her

and said she'd just constantly get fucked and like pass out on the stairs and you'd have to look after her and stuff. And now she wants to run for the country.

I mean, I don't really think that. He came back and said, listen, I'm not fucking, I'm not saying it's bad. You can ever get stung because it's June.

He was like, it's mad that I had to look after this person and she has to look after the country. It's so funny. But like, what they'll'll they're all really happy that Boris Johnson has had to deal with the pandemic because just whoever was in charge during the pandemic was always gonna make several mistakes

and they've made more he's made more than anyone else would have, obviously. But they can now go, hey, look, we had to back our leader, but we fucked the pandemic up and Brexit because it's him. Not a fucking stupid mop-headed cunt. Like, they'll do that. They can go, look, we didn't, you know,

we backed him because he's our leader. But he was the problem, not us. And it'll be a totally different thing. It will be the same leading big boy conservative knobheads in different positions within the government with a new prime minister. And that will be the rhetoric, won't it? Oh, it's a totally different...

Fresh start. Oh, it's a different premiership. And he will get everything pinned on him. Yeah. He knows that, though, doesn't he? And Cummings before him. But the fact that he's an idiot, or portrayed as one,

and just a bumbling buffoon and all that sort of stuff, it really suits them to have had him in charge during this time. Because they can literally go, he's not unlike any of us, you know? We've always hated him. He's a gobshite. Like, not in as many words very much plays into their hands

however because Keir Starmer like I'll vote for him because we have to because you know it's the best of a bad bunch but he is useless big ham face fuck

I know but what you're meant to do if you're the Labour leader you've just got to look professional haven't you in the light of such it's just such a catastrophe on the other aisle. I think Kirstarmer's, the judgment of Kirstarmer begins now

up until the election because he's basically played quite a steady fucking innings, hasn't he? Just watching that be a mess. Now his real competition starts because he's going to fight an election against whoever these cunts are putting forward. The Havreward Independence Party.

That's who he has to beat. The Havreward Independence Party. Yeah. That's who he's going to beat. We've got two and a half years. Like Ali G. Let's get the fuck out of here. We want independence, do we?

What? Yeah, no, no. We're an independent party. Oh, sorry. I thought you were like a single issue party. We want independence. We're going to buy some land in South Liverpool. Near speed.

We want our studios to be an independent country we're in here I'm just like yeah this is it we're going to have to get Finn a gun and we're going to have to

up his hours because he's going to have to guard the border you mean the front door yeah the front door the border build a wall I reckon we'd get

we'd get more votes than most I reckon we'd come fourth we'd sell the fourth most votes but we'd get more votes than most. I reckon we'd come fourth. We'd sell the fourth most votes. But we'd actually finish 100th. It's all about downloads now with these. I'll tell you who's a cunt.

Lad baby. Standard. Holy shit. I know people don't love us talking about politics, but it just feels like... It's a big day, innit? The election where they won was uh the same month that we started the podcast basically it was a month after we did our pilot in december 19 so we've this podcast has succeeded and they've been such a uh the backdrop politically has been covid and these cunts and it's a big day

to see that fucking custard-titted idiot just wander off. What a great day. He'll have another job in Custard Tits.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. He won't. I had sex for a while and you said custard-titted then and I imagined the really attractive woman with custard on her tits and now I'm hungry

and horny. To call Boris, you must and horny to call Boris you must be horny if I go Boris Johnson's custard tits no but you didn't you didn't name him

oh custard tits just in my head it was just like Mila Kunis with custard all over I go come on fucking lick this ambrosia

off me Mila Kunis with her little boobies what she's got really little boobies she's very attractive oh shit

fucking hell mate of course she is custard can you imagine Mila Kunis dating some knobhead from the north of England she's like why do you want me to put on my tits custard love Oh, fucking hell, mate. Of course she is. Custard. Can you imagine Millie Curtis dating some knobhead from the north of England? She's like,

why do you want me to put on my tits? Custard, love. Custard. Bread and butter pudding. Oh, yeah. Angel delight. Are you a little horny sausage?

Is this what a new prime minister does for you? Oh, fucking hell. When Bojo goes, fucking little Vinnie gets hard. Yeah. Just watching BBC News, wanking. Yes, another resignation. When Bojo goes Fucking little Vinny gets hard Yeah Just watching BBC News

Wanking Yes another resignation Like Edgy I just want him to come out Because you've got to do You've got to do the whole In front of 10 down the street Hasn't he

As gay Turns out I love the dick No he just comes out And just literally does The Jordan Belfort Like you all think I'm going Yeah I'm not And he just comes out and just literally does the Jordan Belfort like you all think I'm going yeah

I'm not and then you see at the window Finn with a gun you see him fucking in the window yeah there's no one there

because he hasn't got a government it's like Home Alone you know when Kevin McAllister rigs up all like Michael Jordan things fucking hell it's banging he must have a new government just puts the music on dead loud rocking around the christmas tune

fucking dickhead he's not coming back he's done do you reckon oh he's done toxic tony blair came back no he Oh, he's done. Toxic. Tony Blair came back. No, he didn't. He's got a role as a foreign... Oh, no, no, no, no. Not in the government. No, no, no. I meant he'll have a position of, you know,

one of them gobshank positions. But not in the parliamentary part. He'll go on to be... He's fucking wealthy anyway. But you won't see him, like, with a ministerial role. He don't. I hope so. I think it'd be really, really, really funny

to just make him Chancellor Like if the next five minutes Just makes him Chancellor Oh my god Nothing you can do He's my mate I've got to a point with politics now Where I've truly given up

I've got no fight in me left I'll keep voting Labour I'll keep tweeting the right things I want Labour to win. I really, really do. I want the lives of ordinary people to be great. But I'm just going to have to, because I watched Prime Minister's Questions twice this week.

I watched it the day after all the resignations. And I managed to enjoy that one. But normally when I watch it, I get fucking angry because it's just a load of twats who are meant to be running the country, laughing about how shit it is. And like Keir Starmer or whoever the leader of the opposition comes up and they have to make a little joke.

And then some of the Tories are like, we don't agree with you, but good one, Keir. And everyone else behind them is like, but if you clap, you get told off. I hate it. It's such a big fucking circus and charade of fucking bullshit i hate it but i'm gonna have to just start enjoying it so like yesterday when bonnie johnson just refused to leave for the bit i actually really enjoyed watching that just watching that no no

what rishi's left as he yeah yeah i've got this cunt who is he even I don't know just doing fuck it in the like just googling anyone anyone up for it and anyone local it's just agency

we just need agency minister 15 pound an hour getting people out of Subway and Mackey's Michael Gove came and went

dude I'm your mate but you've got to go and he went I've got to go you've got to go sacks get out get out you cunt never love you any just drunk and he went I've got to go you've got to go sacks get out get out you can't

never love you any just drunk and heebie jeebies fuck off home then get an Uber pussy I'll drink with this guy do you want to be chancellor homeless John

I thought that was the lean donkeys yeah she's the worst one for me I would I would lean back and volley her head off Homeless John. I thought that was Nadine Dorries. Yeah, As soon as I found some trousers, I'll run the fuck. She is the worst one for me. I would lean back and volley her head off so hard,

it would never land. Scouser in a Twitter bio. Yeah, I have to ignore that. The fact that she has the word scouser in a bio riles something up

deep inside. Because she isn't a scouser. She's from Liverpool. She's not a scouser. She's a fucking bitch. Of different things. She's a fucking boneless bitch I'm more scouse than that bitch

100% 100% without a shadow of a doubt yeah is she welcome back in the city no you're not a scouser then I'm selling very well

in Liverpool shall we have a little intervalle sure yes wag wag lids. Hope you're enjoying today's patron exclusive. We've got some new merch that you can see over my boobie.

Is this real? This is an add this. Oh, for the merch? For the merch that you're wearing. Get one of these ones. But when you buy it, get one that fits you. They come in different sizes, but I would definitely

maybe order one size up unless you want to feel like it's a Tammy girl starter bra haveawordpod.com is where you get the merch from and it'll save you wearing that pile of shite

that you're wearing we just said don't be doing the mean thing you look like a fucking pedo get some merch but he can't help himself but look at them look through the camera at the fucking scruffy twat on the other side of it I like you like a fucking pedo. Get some merch. But he can't help himself. But look at them.

Look through the camera at the fucking scruffy twat on the other side of it. I like you. I think you look good. Fucking pathetic. But you'll look better in Have A Word Pod merch.

That's what I was saying just in a more polite way. And that's here. Because Carlo put the graphic in. HaveAWordPod.com if you can't read. Get on me

We back? Yeah we're back I'm drinking I'm drinking Sneak Use code Word10 There's only 50 discount codes

So make sure One of them is you And then after that If you could still put in word10 To let them know we sent you it's genuinely great it's way better than

all the other energy drinks I've been drinking and it makes me happy and I'm a better person because of it I don't want to oversell it but

I was having doubts it's a great pot alternative as well if you're looking to get off the pot get onto the sneak I used to do drugs now I don't

I do sneak you shouldn't snort it but I do that's ruined't snort it But I do That's ruined that little thing Isn't it There you go Sneaky happy You gotta send it to sneak

Sneak like These guys are crazy But they're sales I throw the fucking roof And a New York based Jewish company Oh my god Val Pacino

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Come on mate You got questions mate Are you bored of that? Yes mate I'm at Raffle Comedy Club In Newcastle Underline Thursday the 14th of July For a preview

So if you're in the Stoke Newcastle Underline area Danspreviews.com Thank you very much Erm Erm I'm doing A gig on the Isle of Skye

Yeah To raise money For dwarves with no feet Oh You know He gives back You're so about charity Yeah

It's just a It's a charity That's very close to me half Yeah Why Why is it Why is dwarves with no feet Very close to me, Harth. Yeah. Why? Why is Dwarves With No Feet very close to your heart? Because of Stumpy Jeff.

Adam's great tell. What did he say? No, because his little mate Stumpy Jeff. I don't know who you're talking about. Oh, sorry. When I was a kid. Oh, here we go. I was stuck in a tree and I was helped down by a dwarf with no feet.

Wow. How did he climb the tree? What? It was a woman. I was stuck in a tree And I was helped down By a dwarf With no feet How How did he climb the tree What It was a woman How did she climb the tree She never climbed the tree She caught me With no feet

They're phenomenal Upper body strength Dwarves with no feet Yeah yeah yeah Fuck Cause they've got a confidence They have to drag themselves around Aye

Aye Yeah It's a fact And dwarves Can around Aye Aye Yeah It's a fact I'll be offensive if it's a fact The name of this podcast Doors with no feet Drink sneak Yeah

Bars So the point you're making is Come and see me in Newcastle-on-the-Lyme Yeah Or the Isle of Skye Oh sorry the Isle of Skye I'm on the Isle of Skye You're on the Isle of Skye

Doors with no feet dot com forward slash the Isle of Skye. Oh, sorry, the Isle of Skye, yeah, yeah. I'm on the Isle of Skye, yeah. You're on the Isle of Skye. Dwarvesatnofeed.com forward slash the Isle of Skye. That fucking charity name is on the nose, isn't it? They don't fuck about. They're proper... Ron sealed that charity website. Should we give this to a marketing team? Nah, nah, nah. People need to know what it is.

Dwarvesatnofeed.com. Dot com. Forward slash the Isle of Skye. Forward slash the Isle of Skye. Forward slash the Isle of Skye. We sell more tickets on the mainland. Shut up. Do you know who's the favourite for the next Grand National? Ron Seal.

Going over fences. Get out. Get out of the studio. Go and find the pizza. Okay, now. Carl's supporting me in Newcastle if you want to

with his zingers Andrew Vaughan says sup lids so seeing as you're probably an hour away from 15,000 patrons already got it Andrew

bitch already got it when did you write this the past we need to get it again though don't we no don't worry about that I can't even think about that.

Check your card. I reckon you guys need an official have a word beer made. Turns out I'm a brewer. God, it's amazing that he worked that out halfway through the email. He forgot. He's like, oh, hang on. This is a great question. And I brew beer and would love the chance to make it for you. You guys can decide style, strength, ETC.

I'll make it and either keg it or bottle it for Yaz. He's fucking cool. Can we not just buy some Peroni and get him to bottle that? Because I've just got a feeling that anyone who listens to us who brews beer is a bit shit at it. Only payment I would like is to be able to have a pint of the stuff with you to celebrate your 15k

that's off the table thank you so much for the laughs you've given me so far keep doing what you're doing that's from Andrew Vaughan

the brewer I don't think he's very good I think if we do make it we make it the most this is a new lane for you isn't it

just directly attacking everyone that emails in I'm thinking about doing stand up you'll be shite I make beer fucking nonce I don't want any pedo bit right what are we calling our bit first of all I think we should attacking everyone that emails in. I'm thinking about doing stand-up. You'll be shite. I make beer. Fucking nonce.

I don't want any pedo bit. Right, what are we calling our bit? First of all, I think we should all have a beer named after us. Okay. And then have a word beer. And I'm Stumpy Jeff and 10% of the profits go to Dwarves With No Feet. I think mine should be called the King of Beers.

No one's gone near that before. The King of Beers? Yeah. Don't bite. What? I told them not to bite. The King of Beers No one's gone near that before The King of Beers Yeah Right Don't bite What? I told them not to bite Keep them teeth in your head

Ladry Ladry could do a nice little Lidwiser Lidwiser It's too close to mine I don't know Yeah I'd like the idea I'd like it

I think it'd do well I'd actually do it Like 25% strength as well One bottle What sort of What sort of vibe Are you going for For your beer

Are you going IPA APA Finucane Bradshaw I'm going IRA Yeah I want a nice IRA You know That's where it gives you Like a 30 minute warning

And then your bowels explode Every sip you get a phone call You're about to shit yourself You've got three minutes To get in the toilet Well that was offensive Especially if you're A Northern Irish dwarf

With no feet They've all been shipped out They're all on the Isle of Skye That's why I'm doing the gig there Oh god Have you not all on the Isle of Skye that's why I'm doing the gig there oh god yeah have you not been to the Isle of Skye recently well I'm going

fuck yeah oh you're coming with me mate I think I'm missing that charity gig I love charity gigs the real gig

is in Newcastle erm the not good one erm go flavoured no no I you like a flavour I mean I like a I like a like a they're not a good one. Go flavoured. No. No, I... You like a flavour?

I mean, I like a lighter lager, but I don't know if that's what gets made. You know, everything's like a... Like Adam said, a fruity IPA. I'm making strawberry and lime stout. Oh. It'd sell? Yeah.

Do you reckon? Yeah. That does sound like it's going to give you the shit. I think that should be the IRA. That sounds like it's coming out pretty quick. Stout.

With hints of... What have I just nicked? Sneak flavours. Strawberry and watermelon with caffeine in a, you know, a bitter. They can only be served

as a six pint glass. Like that's, otherwise you can't enjoy it. So you're entertaining this idea and I'm finding it a bit offensive because I feel like I've definitely suggested we move into the beer market before

and you've shut it down. I'm getting sick at this company. I constantly come up with groundbreaking ideas to expand this business and there's shit all over until fucking Andy writes in, oh, I'll make you a beer, and then it's all good.

I can't remember you making the suggestion about going into beer. I don't know if you just made it in your head in a dream, if you've said it in a dream. Well, lads, we need to stop drinking alcohol. Whistle for it. Whistle for it. Oh, that's the name of one of the beers. Whistle for it.

Okay. Oh, yeah. Whistle for it. It's actually's the name of one of the beers. Whistle for it. Okay. Oh, yeah. Whistle for it. It's actually not a bad name for a sort of... No, because you whistle on the bartender, it's a bit sexist, isn't it? Yeah. You know what I want.

I'm so sorry that I've not embraced more of your ideas for forwarding this company. Yeah. I'm glad you... Now, will you apologise for having the ideas and then instantly forgetting you've said it and wandering off? No.

When does that happen? Yeah. All right, Andrew, send us in some samples and we'll talk. Yeah, send us in your best work and then we'll judge whether you're good enough to make our beer because I feel like we could get Heineken on board for this I want a big fingered Welshman

to make it to stir it oh Finn it's going everywhere do you know I see the thing today apparently do you know when you

pour a bottle of beer into a glass you always pour it so that you get basically no head on it you pour it like really apparently you're not meant to do that

and it makes you sick apparently you're meant to sort of get quite a basically no head on it. You pour it like really... Apparently you're not meant to do that, and it makes you sick. Apparently you're meant to sort of get quite a lot of head on it. Oh, no, I... I try and get a little bit of head on it. You're meant to pour a baby like an inch, and then the rest you're supposed to go fucking mad and let it get a big head.

All right. Why does it make you sick? Because if you don't let the bubbles come out of it, then they stay in it. And then when, like, food goes in your stomach, that's what makes you sick. That won't be the case with the TikTok is not only fun

it's educational it's also dangerous it's fucking dangerous I've been doing five years for fucking TikTok-ing Adam Briggs says follow up to the Catherine Ryan backstage

programme we talked about I was surprised how nervous some people get is that for the show like a TV show or about, I was surprised how nervous some people get. Is that for the show, like a TV show, or do comedians actually get that nervous pre-gig? And who is the most nervous comedian you have ever seen? It's fairly common, isn't it?

It's a very common misconception that comedians are confident people. Very insecure and nervous people, comedians. I've never been like that. Occasionally, I've got nervous. i sometimes get nervous if i'm filming because i'm like you've got one chance to get this right and it matters because a lot of people are going to see it whereas when it's just a normal gig like without being disrespectful i'm like oh if it's a bad gig it doesn't quite if i fluff a few words it doesn't matter because i'll fix it tomorrow um you're also not it's not in your character type to be nervy you me danny mack paul smith you could be in a dressing room with us and

be like if you didn't know what who we were or what we were doing you could be like yeah they're all waiting to just get a taxi and go for a bit of food or something i just then there are some people who are hyper like rus, Russell Kane is a fucking brilliant comedian. Bagger nerves. He is a bagger nerves. He's just... Barry Dodds is the most nervous

I've seen, I think. Barry Dodds gets nervous before he's left his house. Ringing up, going, where am I parking? Eh, where am I parking? He just does all anxiety. And he's like,

if he's talking to someone called Ian. Parking? Get out. Get out. Eh? park in get out get out e where am i parking e for ian i like it um should get him for the other sky he'd love that um yeah a lot of a lot of comics a lot a lot of comics get very very very nervous it's just for me i've always just been like if you're doing new material i can understand you're getting nervous but even then i'm not asked but like when you're doing you tried and tested stuff that you know works suppose i've got a bit of arrogance about it where i'm like i know it works and if it doesn't work so i said therefore yeah unless the gig so last week i did a horsey corporate which wasn't meant to be a horse corporate we got bought for a gig by bren

riley bren was like bren's the guy who comp compared my first ever gig and he still runs gigs and some of them are lovely and then some of them are fucking mental and that's the bren riley gigging experience like there's a raffle where you don't need a raffle and i like working with him he's dead sound and he to be fair to him i think he got sold something different but the point is we all turned up he compared the first gig me and Carl ever attended oh really the Empire yeah he was one of the nicest people

you could ever ask Royal Court oh was it Royal Court he was one of in terms of my first ever gig it was him a guy called Rainer Hirsch

and Richard Morton and Rainer Hirsch was really horrible to me just like dead mean he's now got a fucking massive YouTube following. He does like classical music and comedy. Sounds good.

And it's... What's a horse corporate? And on Thursday... And why is he called Rainer though? So I still gig for him once in a while. There's not a lot now. We're doing one-man shows. I'm basically off the circuit,

but it was 400 quid and it was round the corner from my house in Chester. And he was like, yeah, it's just a nice gig at a castle. It was a horsey corporate. It was countryside Tories. And got there and I had Will and Dave filming with me. I tell you what that is brilliant for.

You know, you said about, you know, you get nervous when you're filming something. When we were at the Philharmonic for your filming special, I think I was more nervous than you because I was like, I know what's gone into this. This is important. This is it. So I felt tense. Every time the little round of applause started,

I was like, I was like, oh, line, we're like, yeah, trying to get it going. That felt real. What having a camera crew there when it's more sort of documenting what you're up to, it's a weird feeling because you're like, oh, this is interesting. Every shit gig is potentially a really funny little YouTube clip. So I got there and it was just the normal drive into a sort of festival type thing.

You drive around the back, there's like an access road, and then you're around the back of the marquee. I got out and Will Hutchby was already there. You'll know will because he films the specials he's just been us with us all weekend in barcelona film and he'll become much more uh visual as part of have a word because he's doing a lot more i got to him and he's a very positive guy isn't he well yeah super positive if if will goes this is fucked i'd be genuinely worried because he's chipper all the time i got

there and he had the biggest grin on his fucking face i got out the car and he's he's filming straight away and i was like you're all right he was like yes i was like what he was like this is mental bren came over and he was like all happy days He's again Bren Reilly Very happy guy Nervous Didn't look Because he knew What he'd sold to us

Was a bit of a Like a friendly gig Decent wedge Compared to a normal Circuit gig He'd obviously walked in And gone Oh shit it looks like a corporate

It feels like a corporate But because I was filming I was like Yeah don't worry it's fine But he was nervous He's like Bit of a weird one Bit of a weird one, bit of a weird one. So he went up through the bar into the marquee.

It's very difficult to describe this. It looked like the sort of big, posh marquee that you see corporate gigs at. Hell of a lighting rig, really good sound system. The tables weren't miles away from the stage. So I was like, it looks playable. Then glass siding on the other side looking down onto a little sort of stadium like an almost like an amphitheater with a huge stately home in on one hill and then a um a little horse sort of oval like you know where they do the oval like you know where they do the dressage except they've got the little only show the like what do they call them the the jumps they've got like a course of that out and then a fucking

mitsubishi whatever four by four so i walked out and everyone's watching it so these horsey tories i've obviously got bored of like yeah just, just racing horses around is fucking dull. What we should do is get a jockey to, this was what they were watching, the jockey starts, has to go over six jumps in like a figure of eight thing, that's timed, and then at the last jump they have to jump off the horse, run over a little thing themselves, they have to jump over a little jump themselves, so the little jockey jumps over it, then gets in the back of a fucking SUV

that's driven by a celebrity around the track, and they have to go through little fucking gates. Michael Owen was driving one of the cars when I got there. What? So I walked in, and I'm like, okay, next is Lady Von Schnitzelfuck and driving the car is Michael Owen. You know when you're having an out-of-body experience going,

what on earth is this? So that happened. That was just, I went on stage and tried to take the mickey out of it, but you're like, what was that? And they're like, it's what we do. That's basically what happens If you drink too much Prosecco and cocaine You're like

Fuck you Horses are fine What if we just got A fucking car out there As well Get that footballer We're paying him A decent corporate fee

Michael Get in the Mitsubishi Darling What was his job He raced the car And then they timed it So the So he does now

So the horse race And the drive combined Was the time They had leaderboard and everything. And then it was back in and then classic corporate. Yeah, people are this side and that side cordoned off. All of the middle people next to the stage were like the VIPs. Michael Owen to the side.

Did you speak to Michael Owen? Wait a bastard squatting minute. You've had this under your hat this entire time that you did a horsey gig and Michael Owen was there. And you've held this in all through the holiday, through the Patreon special this week. You've kept back that Michael Owen was drag racing a Mitsubishi round Cheshire. With a jockey in the back.

With a jockey in the back. And then you did stand up to him and no one was laughing they're like god bloody hell well done michael how many rabbits did he run over honestly if you i just kept a rabbit slaughter and content i kept thinking mate you've got the wrong people driving these cars it'd be fucking brilliant like horsey tories like oh my god you've done really well tabitha you've got over four jumps really quickly and then they had someone come from like rexham called Kev with a souped out fucking amazing

dump valve and everything. If I was you there, I would have refused to go on stage unless they give me a go of the car or one of the horses.

So they all start filtering in. Come on, Michael. I'll make you look like a soft cunt. I'm a sign of a man. You're nice to do, yeah? You dirty fucking tanko cunt.

Is that the car? No. I'm an horse. So you do the horse and then you jump in the car what cars have you been in okay Michael drive and you're like

you're a shit house yeah yeah no I want him on a horse as well right I'm telling you right now let me right to camera listen

if anyone knows Michael Owen right tell that little fucking bitch horse race anywhere anytime I'll make you look a soft swat

yeah get that to him get that to him because it well known fact about Michael Owen if you horse race challenge him he always takes you

up on it it's his reputation it's all about that it's Marty McFly don't call him a chicken it's just like that so I did the gig and I was like

enjoying how ridiculous it was it was just so absurd there was the girls in jodhpurs and ridiculous it was it was just so absurd there was the girls in jodhpurs and they're all it was just so not my world and it looked posh of course it was um and bren was getting a bit like because he's responsible for it uh the headliner came in and i'm not going to say his name because i don't want to like he was fuming he walked in and was just annoyed because he was like this wasn't what i like so without the cameras there it's just like what the fucking

what is the point of this with the cameras there like will was just watching me deal with this and i was in a weirdly good mood then bren went i was like this is playable like it's weird as fuck but it's playable brendan three and a half, four minutes comparing. Shit. And went to me, because I was booked for 2025, went, whatever you can do. And that's his gig. And he was, we already pre-gigged.

And I have to say, if we're talking about nerves, I was absolutely fine. And even in the, before I went on stage, I was like, if this is anywhere from five out of ten up, I've had a bonus here. This is just because it looks so wrong. There was a little moment where I was like, not nerves, but that's when I get a little bit out of my comfort zone, when it's clearly all over the place.

Even though mentally you could say, you've got a free pass here. It doesn't matter if you die. You'll know what I mean. I never want to have a bad gig. No, you've got a free pass here. It doesn't matter if you die. You'll know what I mean. I never want to have a bad gig. No, I've got to be honest with you. I've got to respectfully disagree. I never want to have a bad gig.

You are right. I suppose we agree on that. There's a reason, even if there's a reason for it, I still want to rip the gig. Oh, I want to. However, in a circumstance like that, that doesn't make me nervous. I go, I want to rip the gig But if this goes badly

I'm quite happy To drive this so far Into the ground And make sure I ruin their night More than they've ruined mine Hey So Bren Reilly Honestly, at that gig

You're just driving in. Oh my God. You horsey, tawny cunt. No, I would have literally just started ripping him as a Liverpool fan.

I'd have been like, you fucking hate me. You think you hate me. You've got no idea how much I hate this cunt here. I had a fucking, absolutely, pile drive that night.

They'd have had to like, they'd have to pull me off stage i'd have been on there for 45 minutes there was one point where michael owen because bren talked to michael owen at first i was like oh he doesn't want to be spoken to i suppose it was natural to be drawn to it so by the time i got on i think he'd gone i don't want to be i don't want to be dealing with comedians all night so he wasn wasn't looking at me. So I started playing. There was about 10, 15 people at the front who were all right. No, it wasn't great. The material wasn't really working. You know when you get to the bit and you're like, okay.

As soon as I chatted to someone, it got a laugh. So it became that. Because, like, I like doing my stuff properly. But I also, if you can get a laugh another way i'm a compare at heart so i will fuck around with the crowd and that was working all right in the end some 20 year old 28 year old swedish girl was dating a 19 year old and that was an easy tap in but the the point when i was really trying to make the jokes work michael owen obviously went all right we'll give this guy a go so i saw him sort of turn in his chair to go all right let's give him a go and i clocked it

and he went yeah watch for a bit one of my punch lines didn't land and he went okay just turned away this is a shit house yeah oh loves turning away doesn't he so even though i was paying his attention to it it shouldn't be even though i was like ah yeah fuck it it's just weird at least we've got it on camera there was a moment where i'm like just i know what you mean like it doesn't matter it's a fucking mess of a gig like a brand was dead apologetic and in my head that would be my bilbao philadelphia moment oh wow the cheshire horse council or whatever they call themselves it was called the the the horace and Dordle Health. Oh my God. It was like, it was so, so funny. Oh,

shout out to the patron as well. Are you sure you didn't misread it? It was the horse and Dordle. No, the company in there was like, horses who can't run. It's a charity thing. They used to do it on the Isle of Skye,

but they couldn't sell any fucking tickets. The Dordle in Horses charity. Yeah, we moved that to the mainland, but we've hired out the marquee to the, that To the mainland But we've hired out The marquee to the Mitsubishi boys We've hired out

The old marquee On the Isle of Skye To the The horses just dawdle So we needed a bit more excitement So we've got a car involved The dwarves with our feet But make a low on a one

He loves his horses Doesn't he So fucking big He owns them all five Doesn't he Yeah he's a race horse cunt Yeah He loves the black ones

Right Question from Lee Alright my lids Question to each of you If you had to take The lead role In a panto Which one would it be?

Cinderella You'd be Cinderella? What does she do? Where have I put My fucking shoes? Isn't Cinderella You'd be Cinderella Yeah What does she do? What? Well she's Where have I put my fucking shoes? Isn't Cinderella the poor Working class one That gets like

Yeah She has She has a glow up Doesn't she? Yeah Because she starts banging a prince Who's got magic powers I haven't seen it

She gets taken Right Oh my god Let's do what Adam thinks All of the fucking Talk me through Cinderella So she She goes to this ball

Right Yeah She's got boss new shoes on Like if Like everyone's like Wow look at those shoes How's she got those What

Scratch card I think she won them Yeah yeah In a raffle A size raffle At a charity event I love Sky She won them

And everyone's like Cause all her sisters are like You're an she won them and everyone's like because all their sisters like you're an ugly bitch you and she's like i'm fucking not i just haven't got nice shoes so then she wins a pair of nice shoes goes to the ball looks sick there's a prince there i think yeah or like some so like proper disney shit somebody's dead sound he's dead sound he's like charming and he's like fucking look at the key mile on that. That's what he says. That's a line. Walt Disney wrote that. And then she gets off. I think before midnight, because I think at midnight, she's like the gremlins, and she turns into a goblin or something.

She's got a security tag. Yeah, she's tagged. Something like that. It's the last force, isn't it? She has to get off, and one of her shoes comes off. And I think it's sort of because it's like a kid's film they sort of like oh she didn't even notice the shoes come off which is obviously bollocks i think what happened is she's like i'll leave that there let's hope that prince brings me me webs and he's like

adc yours and this is me cock and then the next day he does turn up at her house and he's like got your fucking cindy shoes here and her dad cindy's her dad's like, got your fucking Cindy shoes here. And her dad's like, Your Cindy's? And her dad's like, listen, you want to talk to our Cindy? And he's like, yeah, I think I'm in love with her. And he's like, it's like the ugliest daughter I've got. You know, I've got fucking fit daughters, mate. And the prince is like, no, I'm only after her. And then they get married and suck each other off.

She's got a dick as well. Oh, she's trans. Great. Disney Plus, if you want to watch that, that's trans. Great. Disney Plus, if you want to watch that, that's been animated. Can we do our... It's only five minutes long, is it? That wasn't an abridged version. I know, it's quick.

He's doing the script. Fucking keen lad on here. Okay, then. What about Snow White Snow White They've all got feet By the way Yeah they've all got feet

In this one Lucky bastards Snow White So Snow White's sort of Part of the inspiration For Shrek innit Like

She's a kip And Someone goes to rescue her But there's a load of Fucking dwarves With feet We're whipping through this one Yeah With feet Seven I think her but there's a load of fucking dwarves with feet wow we're whipping through this one

yeah with feet seven I think I think there's seven of them what Shrek's this no but the fact she's like a

princess who needs rescue oh Shrek 2 put in boots what Shrek 2 so there's loads of dwarves

and they're all like protecting her because they all think she's like magical or whatever it's like what they've all got like guns and bow and arrows

and that right now we're doing loads of the rings yeah and then there's a one ring so the fella

who's sort of been told she's in there and you need to rescue her you need to kiss her to wake her up I think and he sees all the dwarves sparks them all twat

bang bang bang kick oh kick gonna kick a dwarf beats the shit out of all seven dwarves, and they've got like, names which match their personalities, there's happy,

sleepy, and five other ones, wanky, rapey, and then, he gets a nexus, she wakes up and she's like, what the fuck have you done to all me dwarves?

And he's like, oh, fucking knock them out, because they were trying to stop me getting to you, and she's like, oh, and then I think she introduces him to the dwarves, and they all become

friends and a big family and that's the end of that one that's Snow White Snow White and she's got a dick I don't think you ever find out

oh ambiguity I don't think there's any pictures of Snow White's pussy in the film what else is there Aladdin Aladdin Aladdin What else is there, Dan? Aladdin

Aladdin I think This is like the sort of Lady and the Slam sort of thing, innit? So he's a pauper And he works in a carpet shop And he Does he? Run some carpets

He's got a magic carpet I thought he works at like a carpet shop Does he? Run some carpets. He's got a magic carpet! I thought he works at, like, a carpet shop. He does. No, he does. He works at Carpet World. And he's got a little pet monkey that can talk. And that's his, like, assistant.

And the monkey's like, this carpet's magic, you know? So he doesn't sell that. When he puts that in the back, he's like, I'm having that. I'm having that. Right? And then he meets up. He fucking courses in the garage. He meets Jasmine, the princess. Yeah. Oh, yeah, The princess Yeah She's like

You're not fucking good enough for me You're a fucking Carpet shop worker And he's like Listen girl Do you want to ride on my fucking carpet Forget these Bugattis and shit That all these fellas have got

Yeah I've got a fucking carpet And he's like what And he takes it in the sky And she's like Fuck off I'll absolutely suck you off now Right

She sucks him off The monkey's there Like clapping along Happy ever after Right So we're not doing the genie in this aladdin are we oh oh the genie yep oh no i think i've got it wrong so he works at a carpet shop the the princess comes and she's like fuck off you're just a carpet shop worker he finds the lamp yeah genie comes out and he goes can you make one of these fly yeah and. And the genie's like, do you not just want a Bugatti?

He's like, this would be bad. Everyone's got three wishes. And he goes, yes, mate, massive dick. Want to be fucking jacked.

What else does he wish for? I remember flying carpet. No, he's already got flying carpet from the carpet. No, no, no, no,

no. That's where I got confused. I don't, I think he has to wish for the carpet to be flying. I think it's just a normal carpet. Oh, I think it's money off underlay from the suppliers. Discount.

I think he gets it at cost, doesn't he? Because he knows John who owns the carpet shop. He wants a bigger discount off underlay. He wants a bigger dick and a bigger discount. Yeah. And they're doing a live action remake of Aladdin and I think Carpet Race are bidding

for the product placement Oh they've done it They've done it Will Smith played the genie It was set in Carpet Rite Or was it Carpet World Edgelane Carpet World Edgelane

Yeah it was Carpet World Edgelane Did you not see Will Smith Down there No I didn't see that one He's in the KFC loads Yeah I think that's That's that one Pocahontas

Pocahontas Poca What A panto Pocahontas the panto Sorryontas. Poca... What? Panto. Pocahontas the Panto. Sorry. I mean, it would be a great Panto.

What are you trying to say? What else is there? A random thing to get eggy about. What are you trying to say about Pocahontas? It'd be a great Panto. Is Pocahontas Asian or Native American? Native American. Native American. Yeah.

John Smith. Yeah. So I think she goes like wandering through like the hills and that. hunters asian or native american native american native american yeah right john smith yeah so i think she goes like wandering through like the hills and that that's where she lives that's it i don't know what she gets up to he comes over yeah unlike the mayflower john smith yeah and he's like wow she's fit she's like you know an indian yeah one of them indigenous native american and he's like yeah we don't yeah native american we don't even speak the same language but she's got lovely tits yeah what about peter pan peter pan right okay i know this one peter pan he sort of i think it's never sort of

actually explicitly said but he basically runs Dream World like when kids go a kip oh yeah Peter Pan turns up and he's like and it's real as real as any reality is Never Never Land

yeah Never Never Land that's Dream Land oh yeah it's next to Carpet World on Earth's line it's behind it yeah Never Neverland Access Road

Kids go okay And he He's the Megaball He ventures them in a dream And he's like You can fly And they're like Fuck off

No I can't And he's like Fucking watch this He's like what And then he takes them up And they're like Woo Takes them to Neverland

There's obviously Captain Hook's there He's a right nonce Is that Michael Jackson What Is Michael Jackson Captain Hook I don't know what you mean

In Neverland And he's a bad guy No no different Neverland Right We've got confused there Captain Hook's the bad guy And he's like I'll fucking kill any kid Look at me hook

I'll fucking hook them to death lad Right I think Peter Pan's had his hand That's why yeah And Peter Pan Is like what? Peter Pan is just like Protecting all the kids

So they can have a fun time in Neverland And then the next day they wake up To go to school Go back to camp, start again. Cool. That one sounds amazing. Yeah. So which one, who do you want to play?

What's your dream? I think I'd make a good genie in Aladdin. Yeah. I'd love to blue you up. Yeah. I'm going to blue up for the role. Let's blue up. Is that offensive?

No. To what? Smurfs? No, you'll be alright. I think the Everton fans on Twitter would have quite a good time of it. I think it might be offensive

to you. Who's this offensive to? Something's ringing a bell here. Yeah. Well, that was a lot of fun nonsense. Thanks for your questions. Send any more you have into haveawordpod at gmail.com. And if you're a patron, direct message on Patreon.

You get priority on the questions. Let's have a break and get a Have A Word legend that's never been on the episode. Cha! Oh, wait. Cha! Upset me, nasty bitch! All right, lids, we've got a new Manscaped advert.

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The promo code is WORD20 for 20% off and free shipping at manscaped.com. Get on me. Welcome back. Part three of four. Have a word. Episode 3,487 billion. Kane Brown's here! Yeah.

Kane, you can't hear this, but can I play chart upset me now? Yeah. I was expecting the big, you know what I mean? Fucking banners and shit. You know, you have spent no money on me coming here, you piece of shit.

I've helped this podcast. Is he the last remaining soundbite on that from day one? Upset me, nasty bitch. Yeah, maybe not far off, yeah. Oh my God.

You've never been on the couch? Never been here mate You've done our live show Yeah Which was insane Wicked Yeah I've never seen anyone do that to that room Fuck me

Oh my god you smashed it Do you know my favourite thing about that live show is Before it you come up to me and you're like So any sort of guidelines And I went Cain There's nothing you can say that will offend these people And you can push it as far as you want and you won't hit them

and you said to me, I take that as a challenge and then I was comparing that night and I had to watch you from the side of the stage. You had to follow him. Not ideal.

And I watched you try your absolute hardest to offend the people in that room. Weren't happening. No, the l in that room weren't happening no the lids listen no no you fuckers are some degenerates mate but you know what keep the money rolling because that crackhead money is going good bro what did you say you were like i could never do a patron to black people yeah i never paid as much but we tried to do a patron on our

podcast i think we had like 80 people and 59 of them was family and friends yeah it's fucked bro that's still better than a few of them out there yeah still going it's another patron though that's a go fund me isn't it yeah that's not the same how are you yeah i'm good you know i'm really good do you know what i've all right let me just start off when i've come in i've seen your guy over there yeah and he's got on the fucking what are they the sakai waffles yeah yeah you've got the sakai waffles why do white people disrespect trainers like that what you mean they're fucking dirty bro black people can't get away with that shit. They're not too bad.

Bro, they... Yeah, they look like they're kicked up, man. They're a little bit, like... To be fair, you've got very, very, very fresh webs. But black people are steaming those fuckers overnight like it's a fucking massage and shit like that. So what I've done is, as a... I, uh...

I'm a very bad cultural appropriator So what I've done over the past year or so Since I've started earning a bit of money Is I've appropriated the culture Of when black people get a bit of money And I've now got 80 pairs of straightness Holy fuck And I'm really bad for cleaning my stuff

I am quite bad for looking So they've only recently got that dirty And what I've whatever he has kept his do rags clean to be fair to him oh he looks after the door totally he only got five of them this morning i put this on for the first time which we bought the other day in barcelona and i was like what trainers ever got that go nice with that it does match so that's why i put them on before i've wiped them. I was in a rush to get out.

If I had to clean them, I would have had time to get a coffee on the way and I needed a coffee on the way. Okay. Fair dues. Do you expect it like, looking the way there's fresh. Thank you brother.

Like we can't do that. Thank you bro. Yeah, do you know what I would look like? If I turned up dressed in what you're like, you pull that off so much and I would look like if I turned up dressed in what you're... Like, you pull that off so much and I would look like I've escaped from a home. Like, on you, on you, you could go to a business meeting like that, right?

Or like anything. You could be in any situation and that looks good. I can't tell you how fat I'd look in that. In his jammies. They're pyjamas to me. Yeah, they do like pyjamas a little bit. I thought it looked all right though. No, it looks good.

It looks unbelievable on you. Let me see your trainers. Show your trainers. Look. Yeah, Chris, bro. Chris. So easy though. We couldn't do that.

We look ridiculous. Oh fuck. Sorry guys. This is, you know, when we talk about privilege and obviously white people have the majority of it, this is black privilege. That's what we got you here. That's what you got you here for.

Let's just have a little whinge about black privilege. That's fucking hilarious. Yeah. And I'm very, very, very envious of it. Like, you've got, like, four buttons undone, just showing the chest. I just look fucking insane how do you keep up what about in the club what about how do you do it in the club

what about how are you keeping because that's where my trainers get fucked up when we went to teddy's i've had to been a pair of i was absolutely steaming to be fair but i've had to been a pair of trainers that just did not survive teddy's but were they liver no they were like a canvas sort of yeah canvas but we have to you have to be strategic all right But I've had to been a pair of trainers that just did not survive Teddy's. But were they leather? No, they were like a canvas sort of. Can't wear canvas, bro. You have to be strategic. All right.

I would never wear these out around drunk people. Nah. That's the worst place to wear canvas. Right, okay. You'd wear leathers in a club. I'd wear leathers. They can get wiped down when you finish. Laces come out. Laces get clean.

Brand new trainers. All right, cool. There's a couple of companies that have started up in Liverpool because like sort of sneakerhead culture is just hitting liverpool it's being quite sort of derided for a while by scousers like we don't do that that's sort of like jordans have only just become accepted in liverpool at all really haven't they yeah the past sort of two years the fuck you got rid of 1990 up here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Literally, literally. So like there's a store that's in Manchester and Glasgow called Kersh Kicks, which is like a reseller store.

They're all Scousers. The lads who own it. They're just opening in Liverpool next month. Fuck, you lot are way behind. You lot's gyms, you got like that fucking old bendy bar and shit like that. Remember the one you used to squeeze? You got a treadmill, put the image in your legs.

And the elastic band. Yeah. Still got non-electric treadmills. It's just a fucking load of toilet roll things used from one of them. So hang on, when you're talking about, it's the shoe shops that they're almost like wrapped in plastic, aren't they, on the shelf?

You don't get to touch them or pick them up. You look at them and then... It's like the prostitutes in Amsterdam. Yeah. They're all in cellophane as well. Don't take it out the box! Come on! Come on!

How much... How much are we talking in these shops? What's the most expensive web? Most expensive trainers that you would be able to get in a shop like that. There's more expensive ones online that are literally in fucking safes. But you can get, like, cash kicks have got a pair of the Jordan 1 Dior's. Dior's, yeah. Which are 10 grand.

10 grand, yeah. They're in a cabinet in the shop. Yeah, yeah. Art. Shocaine your shoes. I don't even know what shoes you've got on today but just show them whatever you've got on oh for fuck's sake you should unsubscribe your money's going to waste here oh v6 you know what's really funny I know that they're probably His most prized trainers as well

Oh yeah They're nice They are They're very comfortable Comfortable They look like What am I talking To be fair

So are the 350s They're comfortable as well Yeah these are comfortable But they're stylish as well Those are just comfortable Alright cheers mate Clean though Hey

Fucking clean They do look good I suppose if they're a piece of shit It doesn't matter if they're clean Nice one Thanks guys Love this chat but there's a few places now that will clean your trainers and they guarantee even canvas will get it back to sort of shelf standard yeah so i i bought a pair of trainers for where's that is it like a drive-through where you just come a little bit forward that's enough come on mate Bring your shoes mate I cleaned them mate Very good

While you're still wearing them Yeah yeah yeah Sit down mate A little bit forward It's in the Baltic There's one in the Baltic You just take them in I said next week

I'm just going to take my bin bag Full of trainees and go They'll be there now Get them sorted Sort them all out There's one in Tesco Carpac When you shop When you take your shoes off

Yeah yeah yeah They're joking me For fuck's sake Do you know what I was like What the fuck is going on Let's go car park. When you're shopping, you take your shoes off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're joking me. For fuck's sake. Do you know what? I was like, what the fuck is going on? It's not fucking Timpsons.

Yeah, that's it. I'll have a copy of that while I'm doing my shopping. Yeah, so I bought a pair for when I take me special last week or the week before. I bought a pair, a really nice pair to go with the jacket.

And I was like, I'm just going to have you fucked him. And I intended to have a really nice pair to go with the jacket and I was like I'm just gonna have to look after these and I intended to have a few drinks after the show and then just sort of have a coast of a night and about half an hour in I realised that

that wasn't going to happen so I got me new nice shoes on which are quite expensive even compared to the ones I've got and I went I ended up in a nightclub

until like sunrise it's like 7am and they are not in mint condition anymore. Shit. So they're going to be the ones I take. What's the thing in your life, Kane, that's the thing you splash out on? What's your sort of like vice for spending?

Because you're not a big drinker. I don't drink. Yeah. Don't drink, don't smoke, don't take drugs. Trainers now. Trainers is the one Yeah and it's only since lockdown I don't know what happened During lockdown

I think I had a midlife crisis No I think I did Real talk I was I don't know what happened to me I was just I was getting depressed And I was like

Fuck I just found myself online Got a pair of You know when you win Like on a fucking You know when you go That's how they get you though innit Oh man You've got to buy them then Yeah So you have to I just found myself online, got a pair of, you know when you win like on a fucking, you know when you go- That's how they get you though, innit?

Oh man, they got me. You've got to buy them then. Yeah. So you have to go into like a lottery type of thing. And the raffle, it's a raffle. And if you win, you get to buy the shoes. You get to buy the shoes. Not free, you get to buy the shoes.

Yeah, guys, you mean eBay? No. Oh, not eBay. No, so when they, when they, fuck here now, bruv. I bet on that one as well. No, no, no! I bought these on eBay. I bet on that one as well. No, no, no. I bought these on eBay.

I actually did as well. I'm not even joking. So basically you'll enter the raffle for like a new pair of trainers that's been released because they're normally limited edition. So those were limited edition. Those now are probably like 600 quid. Yeah. Yeah. And these ones, the white ones, they're probably about.

So the way I got these shoes, these ones um was one of our listeners won the raffle and gave me them at retail because i got when they when i seen these were coming out i was like i fucking need them so i got a lot of our listeners went to the raffle for me and one of them won and gave me them what the fuck size 11 11. Holy fuck. That's why I need a reach, bro. He'll do it. I've been committing, I've been on suicide work sometimes

at seven o'clock in the morning to see if I've got through the fucking raffle. Fucking shaking. I've set my alarm. Then I've lost and I'm fucking fuming. I've got the outfit for the trues already. You need 15,000 crackhead patrons.

Do that. All working for you the first raffle I ever won was the original V2s the first Yeezys after the V1 part of blacks it was the V2s

with the copper stripe yes and when I won the raffle honestly it was like I was floating what did you have to pay for the raffle? nothing

but then the retail so you're getting them for like 150 and then they're reselling for like 6,700 I'm in two raffles next week for a pair of Air Max 95s

with the beetroot erm is it lace eyes lace loops oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

hang on let me just think oh yeah it is Dan what's your grail shoe we've got a grail shoe the grail shoe for you your grail

errr the New Balance errr Hiero Fresh Foam V6. Oh, you've got your grail. I've got them in red as well. No one has their grail in two colourways. Because when you get to 41 and you live in a village in Chester,

it's acceptable to be wearing basically hiking shoes constantly. Yeah. 41. Yeah. Don't tell people how old you are, because it just depresses everyone. 68. How old are you? 48.

It's just ridiculous. So sad. And the confidence at which he said midlife crisis, knowing full well he's living to at least 96. You know I'm not going to get there. We know. I'll be dead before you, without any shadow of a doubt.

Adam died doing what he loved He was on a raffle And the saddest thing was He won the fucking webs He paid costs for these Just on the fucking coffin Oh shit man Have you got a pair that you want That you haven't bought

Those in white with the gum sole I've got them And the black ones with the gum sole Fuck that man How did you get them? StockX.com Yeah but you paid aftermarket Yeah of course

I'm not paying aftermarket I refuse I went into a shop the other day Asked a guy And they don't have the prices in there No They don't have the prices on them So they can just make anything up

So I asked a guy And he's like Oh 895 895 pounds and they don't have the prices in there. No. They don't have the prices on them. So they can just make anything up. So I asked the guy and he's like, oh, 895. 895 pounds for a pair of 150 pound trainers. You can go fuck yourself. We've got a side though, don't worry. It's fine. Stop. Hang on, so you just came up,

do you think he made a judgment? He went, this guy can 895. He saw the fucking open shirt. Yeah. And he was like, 895. Can you take us on for three weeks? No, what you need, mate, next time you go for these trainers, take me with you. Yeah. And it was like, eight, nine pounds. I've had this on for three weeks. Now, what you need, mate, next time you go for these trainers, take me with you.

I'll go in and they'll be like, 80 pounds, 99 pounds. I think I'll get you some deals, mate. And you'll be like, oh, fucking hell, that's a bit expensive. I'll get these off eBay. No, Cain, we've got a plug now, so come to us. That was fucking my fucking fault. Have you seen the Air Max passes that are dropping soon

that are all white No They drop the orange ones They drop the teal ones They drop the black ones They're dropping all white ones I've got someone to confirm They've got me them

At retail Side door Beautiful You're watching Have A Shoe It's time to have a shoe That's all we spend our money on I spend it on footy shirts and shoes That's it

Yeah I spend mine on footy shirts And shoes That's it Yeah I spend mine on bitches Anyway Dan's born What's your What's your grail bitch What's your grail bitch I've already got her

Go Dan Hi Laura Please don't hate me Do you think you live in Are you living a You live in a Like we've talked about this Constantly

It's the race to see who fucking goes first. Honestly, if you outlive me, it's going to really upset me. Well, you're living a pretty healthy life there, man. Yeah, yeah. But you guys, because, well, Adam and Carl, I saw you out a couple of years ago. We were out and whatever else. You look a fucking drink, man.

Like a drink man let it drink was that peacock yeah yeah yeah yeah that was the quietest night out we've ever had what the no no no and also it was just when you bumped into each other they all went out we got out the taxi and he was stood there but carl can't slash doesn't drink really okay like carl drinks properly twice a year and gets drunk yeah i can drink and i only notice how much i can drink when i start drinking with people who can't yeah like i always consider myself someone who gets quite twatted but that's later in the night once i've properly pushed it too far if i drink with dan i feel like i feel phenomenal because he gets drunk so much quicker than i do yeah so you're like i'm like pub fit i feel

fucking like i could drive by the time he needs to go to bed but we were away this weekend and adam was on the seventh cocktail and just started getting fuming about the lack of alcohol in the cocktails i'm pretty sure there must have been some in there but he's like i should be fucking wasted i had six cocktails in an hour and was fine yeah that's not that's not on you wasted your money bro just like how the trainers people saw me coming those fucking no alcohol no ale yeah did you ever drink no never been a drinker my granddad he passed away from cirrhosis of the liver which was like alcoholism yeah but that's when i was young i don't know whether that's something that influenced me,

but I've just always been healthy. Always, always, always. I know you're thinking of a joke about dead women. No, I'm not, I'm not. I'm just- I thought it was fucking my ticket. Essentially, Adam's mum died of a similar thing and I was trying not to do the joke,

but Adam took a different route. Similar story. Yeah, that's what killed my mum. Alcoholism. Fuck. And like, there's several ways you can go when you've got like, you can do what you've done, which I'm not saying is necessarily directly linked, but it's probably there.

It's like, oh, I'm not drinking at all. Or you can go, there's certain members of my family who've gone the same way my mum went, which is I will drink whenever I want, as much as I can, in the house, whatever. I don't really drink in the house unless I've got company. So that's my line. That's because I used to watch my mum drink like a bottle of vodka a day on the couch. So I won't do that.

Alcohol's a very social thing for me. Would you class yourself as an alcoholic, though? No! No. He's a very, very social drinker very often okay yeah where's the lion then the lions isn't it yeah but if if he's out all the time no and i can also go out and just not drink okay i don't do that very often and it never gets in the way of anything no okay that's a good that's a good sure oh adam's fucked we can't do this because when people

people use the term high functioning alcoholic don't they knock it about now and you're like does that just mean someone who likes a fucking beer because if you're doing everything if you're good at your job if you're a good friend if you're a good brother son or whatever and you've got like a family that's all working well and you like like getting on it. You're just a dude who likes getting on it, aren't you? Yeah, no, but my diet, so high-functioning alcoholic has become like a sort of half-joke, half-cliche. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

My mum, for a long time, was a very high-functioning alcoholic. So she would drink between half a bottle and a bottle, and sometimes a bottle and a half of vodka a day. But, like, me and my little brother, our dinners were made, our clothes were ironed, we were washed and bathed.

And she did all of that whilst having that addictive problem. And she needed to drink. That's a high-functioning alcoholic. That's someone who sorts their family out and is getting hammered at the same time. As soon as she got to the point where she was a non-functioning alcoholic, that's when we moved in with my dad.

So there's a big difference between someone who likes a pint. And it's just bandied about so much. And I'm not trying to say that people shouldn't do it because I don't really care. It's a joke and whatever. But, oh, he's a high-functioning alcoholic because he goes out every weekend and gets twatted and then Monday to Friday doesn't drink.

That's someone who just likes a drink to me. Yeah, that's a British person, isn't it? And that might just, it might, to be honest, I'm very self-analytical. It might be a self-serving bias in some regard because like i can easily go on a four four day run where i'll drink every day but then i'll have a week or two where i just don't drink at all because i'm like oh that was a bit too much i need to stop doing it yeah you're in control are you scared that it might get out of control at some point so i'm very very very conscious of making sure it doesn't now there's a severe family history of it so i can't sit here and tell you it's never gonna happen because i've

seen people who think they're fine like if you ask my dad now he'll tell you he's fine non-alcoholic he doesn't like a drink bottle of whiskey every day so it's literally like i've got a lot of blood i've got a lot of good people around me. You know, what's going on though. Him in particular. Like, have I ever got to the point where I had a problem?

He'd be like, cause he can see it. He knows. And I, I trust him more than I trust anyone else, including family. So if he was ever like, lads,

this is, you need to look at it. I'd go. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I wouldn't even question it, but you definitely need a call around.

Yeah. Oh, everyone needs a car. Yeah. What, what, how are you would like you've never drunk you're one of the best comics i've seen live playing to drunk people like like you're every comic in this room if you've come up through the circuit yeah you've made your living probably the majority of the time playing to people that are on it yeah drinking how do you find that because some of my best material has been drinking stories hangover stories and i feel like i'm tuned in because i've

lived that life yeah how is that as a comic do you not ask not bothered no do you know what it is i talk about myself anyway yeah my life okay my kids talk about partner i talk about just life because i'm older now as well so i've got older kids I've got a younger son so I can kind of talk about things that people can still relate to but the whole the drink thing I don't know how

I can't function I remember the last time in fact I had a couple of drinks before I went on holiday my friend and we were in a club I was in there

and there was a few celebrities in there and David Haye was in there and I had I think I had like half a Heineken or whatever and I was like I reckon I could fuck him up that's the confidence it gives you I think I had like half a Heineken or whatever. And I was like, I reckon I could fuck him up.

That's the confidence it gives you. And I was fucking, and I was serious. I was like, I'll fucking do David. And he was a champion at that time. Fucking do him the cunt. I can't, Dave. I'm just saying. Half a Heineken.

Pretty much. Pretty much. Yeah, you can't drink. I can't drink. No. For my size, I should be able to drink here under the table. I can't drink.

No, I mean, you shouldn't be allowed to drink. Oh, no, no. Not that you didn't care. Like, if that's what you're like after the half a Heineken, I'd love to see you after like six Jager bombs

and something. I'm trying to invade Ukraine as well. Where's Kane? He's gone over east of... It's just practice, isn't it? You've got no practice. You need to practice. He's Kane? He's gone over east of... It's just practice, isn't it? You've got no practice. You need to practice. He's so informed right now.

Yeah. Oh, I'm absolutely in the form of my life drinking wine. Yeah. Because he's having the best time of his life. He actually knocked out David Haye last week. Banged him right out with his dick. I've had a pre-season, so I'm fit as fuck, ready for the summer season. Imagine if you had a fight with Kane.

Me and Kane? No. Did you do celebrity? I don't want to wait, Adam. Did you do the comedian's boxing? No. No. I really wanted to, though, you know?

Who did you fight? I don't know who I'd fight. Because the problem is I'm tall, quite heavy. How tall are you? 6'2". Longly. But for me to fight someone my weight my size they'd probably be short and really stocky so i don't know david longley longley he's

fucking huge though man he's much bigger than me he's not longley he's fucking huge have you seen him this fucking dead lives for me bro no. I want to fight Dave Longley. I'd have to hit him something. We're talking about one of our mates who's a circuit comic and his online content is basically him deadlifted. Yeah. He hardly does anything else. He's like, yeah, I'm lifting something heavy today.

I can understand why you might want to dodge that fight. I wouldn't fight him. What about after half a Heineken? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Think about it. Yeah, then I would. But it's was but he's no no joke like he's i don't know because who actually was surprised me actually was um oh for sake who

was it that surprised me he was quite aggressive um milo mccabe no my not milo tom horton no it was Patrick Monaghan. Monaghan. The fuck? Yeah, he was quite vicious, wasn't he? He fucking battered him. And the guy is the one with the fucking dodgy eye in it. Not me, by the way. He wasn't me. Yeah, I'm all game, right? Just go, the one with the-

James Dowdwell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He beat a disabled guy up. That was fucking celebrated at the end like yeah I'll keep his badge as well holy fuck yeah I fought Elliot Steele yeah how'd that go so we've spoken about this so much so many times but Elliot when I met him was 17 and I didn't see him after that until the fight and he'd had maybe a 6 inch growth spurt and he told me

he wasn't training and then the day before the fight he dropped a selfie video he'd been training with Duke McKenzie for 6 months oh fuck

so Elliot like looked like fucking Prince Nazeem and I'd done one pad session with Paul Smith and that's when Paul weren't even

that into it either and I still nearly fucking beat him so close because I was so pissed off he knocked me down the first round i knocked him down the second round the third round was just like we were both fucked wow that's good though yeah good on you man if we ever wanted to raise some money for charity boys if we ever wanted to make some money i think we need to do a charity mma event for that me versus you that wouldn't be a bad fight uh what that wouldn't be a bad fight look how much he wants to punch me in the head just get your ground game going lad get him to the ground

the fucking sauce the ground game yeah there's a podcast no one wants to see adam rowan done that ago on the ground i mean it fucking one's having a podcast no one wants to see. Adam Rowan done that, he go, on the ground. I mean, it fucking is. One's having a panic attack, one's having a sneak based heart attack. Who would you fight? Either MMA or boxing? Well, not Kane Brown.

Yeah. Not Kane Brown, Lee. Yeah. Not Paul Smith. Oh no. I think you've got, you and Paul Smith might be good. I wouldn't fight Paul, not in the UFC. I wouldn't fight him in MMA.

Boxing? Boxing maybe, but not MMA. He'd fucking do me. I've got a little skinny legs, I couldn't fight Paul in Not in the UFC I wouldn't fight him in MMA Boxing? Boxing maybe But not MMA He'd fucking do me I've got little skinny legs I couldn't do it I think you'd have to have categories Like it wouldn't have to be Sort of weight

It'd have to be like How much of a tubby fuck you are You know like In obviously In professional fighting It's like you've just got Catchment weights haven't you? Catch weights

Is that right? In If we were going to do A comedian's boxing, you'd have to be like, are you in and around 40 and out of shape? And then match it up. You're in that bracket.

You can't do... I'm a heavyweight right now. Like, just because of my tits and my gut, I'd have to be matched up against someone equally. Like, me and Barry Dodds would be a right old fucking dust off. I would pay for that. Oh, I couldn't punch him, though. Oh, my God. He gets stressed about parking. I can't punch Barry Dodds Would be a right old Fucking dust off I would pay for that Oh I couldn't punch him though Oh my god

He gets stressed about parking I can't punch Barry Dodds Because if we're in a fight And I'd be in your corner And I'd get you just hating him I'd be like I can't fucking see The way he's looking at you

He's just said he wants To bum Laura Yeah Yeah that's how You've got to get into his head And the thing is Because of your track record Of being so honest

I'd be like Well Adam can't lie He's just said Your kids are ugly And they don't like you oh nasty nasty who's your

who's your guy who'd you like to fight if we were going to do a have a word boxing event or fight event so it's boxing you're saying boxing kickboxing

kickboxing right I honestly wouldn't my ego wouldn't let me say no to anyone well like I'd fight anyone you wouldn't My ego wouldn't let me say no to anyone Wow Like I'd fight anyone

You wouldn't fight Kane Would you fight Quincy? I'd know I'd lose But like if he was If he was calling me out I'd be like yeah I'd rather lose face I'd rather lose the fight than lose face

Fair enough Yeah I'd rather lose face Yeah me too You'd lose your face What? Lose face or lose your face uh i'd quite yeah anyone reasonable obviously quincy's unreasonable kane's unreasonable even paul smith he's a lot taller than me and a lot more they're unreasonable but like anyone else

oh you and freddie oh i'd absolutely love to push how much would would you pay Freddie Quinn versus Adam Rowe Oh that would be so much fun We nearly set that up at one point in the first lockdown and he's so confident he'd win Freddie's got sleep apnea he can't even breathe when he's asleep imagine in a third round

He'd be fucked Holy shit I would love to see that Carl versus Brennan I mean I'm not a fighter but I would love to see that Carl versus Brennan I mean I'm not a fighter But I would Brennan would be dust If you had to fight

A guest we've had on Who are you choosing? Steph Johnson Lauren Paterson That fucking paster Right let's have a look At our guest list. Let's take you

through some names. Definitely not Kai Humphries, he's a murderer. Stade? No. Messing it. Fucking nuts,

man. I wouldn't know if I had Stade. Thomas Green, would you beat a puppy up? No, I couldn't hit him.

Jamie Hutchinson? Yeah. He'd bite you, you know. He'd fucking bite you. I'd fight Jamie. I think me and Jamie

Would be quite a good fight Like it's the same level Of tub and disregard For health I think that'd be alright Jamie would enter the ring Punch drunk Yeah that's true

I'd be on coke He'd be on booze I'd have a jab Ramesh Ranganathan I would but I wouldn't Patrick Monaghan's fighting him Fire Shane Todd No No I would but I wouldn't Patrick Monaghan's fighting him fire Shane Todd

no no he's from that area doesn't he knows how to handle himself Shane Gillis yeah Shane's a big man

he'd smash me head in but I'd laugh yeah Sloss I'd punch Sloss's head in no problem Pierre Navelli he'd get it

Paul Smith maybe not Callum Oakley would feel like bullying. Jason Manford, that'd be a good match-up. Pierre Novelli's quite tall, though. He is, yeah. He's also a fucking minger, punching head in. Come on, everyone else.

Phil Nicol. Tom Horton beats Phil Nicol. So I could beat Phil Nicol. Paddy the Baddie. No. Boxing. He could be the ref though Could we ask Paddy if he'd be the ref He'd beat you a tickle

You know what yeah And this is the thing These MMA guys You can't judge them man You can't judge them When I saw Paddy I didn't know who he was Yeah

And I saw him at you lot's At your show Yeah And you're like Oh yeah he does MMA I was like He don't fucking do MMA When I saw him fight

Holy fuck Holy fuck He's a monster Yeah No He went to our school He had to fight Or you

But he can fucking fight man He can throw down Yeah Yeah He could have grew up in London He'd have been fine bro He'd kill us all In a row

Yeah Smile and molly If all of us Do you reckon All four of us at once yeah no we'd take him he'd do us no we four of us at once would take him but if we lined up and he had no break he'd smash all of our heads in yeah one after yeah yeah one after the other he'd kill us i'd go last make sure he's tired give yourself the best shot yeah yeah oh yeah

because i'd go first no i go first for everything don don't I? I'll go first. I reckon Kyle should go first. You go second. You, cause he might not have enough energy left to punch you in the good eye. And then I'll fucking do him in the left eye. I'm telling you right now, Cain, you're going fucking first. There, everything about you.

You can wear leather trainers if you want. Yeah. In you want yeah in you go all you do is all back to back but that's the thing when it's four on one the mistake is that if all four

just piled on straight away but in because no one wants to get banged out they hang back if it's one after the other you finish a professional fighter

is just going to do everyone anyone who fights for the job any any fighter Paul Smith Who me and Kane Have just admitted To being scared to fight

And look at the size of Kane And look at the ego on me And I wouldn't fight Paul Smith And he's done MMA On and off For 15 years He went and did A sparring session

With Molly And she melted him And Molly Absolutely paced him Fucking A And Molly is Five foot one Maybe Paced him with Jiu Jitsu Just grappled him Everything Just punched him Through him absolutely pasted him. Yeah. Fucking A. And Molly is five foot one, maybe.

Pasted him with jujitsu, just grappled him. Everything, just punched him. Threw him all round the gym. Like he was a fucking rag doll. And he was trying. Yeah.

Yeah. And he only came twice. She's really good, isn't it? She wasn't going to walk. No, I think he just enjoyed it. That's a natural end.

Let's have a break. We'll come back with some questions. Shout out Paul Smith. No, fucking, punch his head it. That's a natural end. Let's have a break. We'll come back with some questions. Shout out Paul Smith. No, fuck him. Punch his head in. All right, guys. I want to talk to you about our sponsor, NordVPN. I'm only just getting to know VPNs.

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My computer then thinks I'm in Canada, and then it will let me watch the game as long as I'm signed up to whatever streaming service is showing it in Canada. You can also use it for Netflix. If there's a film that's not on British Netflix, but it is on, I don't know, Persian Netflix, set your VPN to Persia and watch The Dark Knight Rises.

We've got three plans for users to choose from. Standard, which is VPN only. Plus, which is VPN plus pass. And complete, which is VPN plus pass plus locker. So you've got options. The more you spend, the more stuff you get. Honestly, go for the top tier one. It will be the best money you spend every month.

The promo code is haveaword. Go to nordvpn.com slash have a word promo code have a word get a vpn and change your streaming life kids final section um oh should we do a would you rather decklin lin it says Wag wag lids It's Deci You know Deci? Deci yeah Oh you know Deco? Never heard of this I know Deco Back again Oh it's Deco

Has Deco written in again? Yeah he's like Lads I was born in Brazil But I played for Portugal It's amazing isn't it? Lad He says lads He knows it

Was he born in Brazil? Deco? Yeah Was he? Yeah I think so That's the first thing That popped in my head

And he's trans yep cool back again after all this time would you rather have to be this is for you

Kane this is for you would you rather have to be a musical comic for the rest of your career or a prop comic for the rest of your career oh fuck

love the pod guys viva la 10 pound patreon up the lids all the best you legends Declan from Cote Bridge. Now, I know- I love how halfway through that you were like, I know exactly what my answer is gonna be,

whatever the next thing is, then you're like, what? PowerPoint? No, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, fuck. Is there a lot of prop comics on the urban comedy scene? No, zero. And you could clean up there, you know what I mean? We don't even have musical comics, I have rationing.

Fucking hell. Oh, I fucking love to watch you become a musical comic, you know what I mean? We don't even have musical comics either, actually. Fucking hell. Do you know what's mad, though? I'd fucking love to watch you become a musical comic, just out of nowhere. Well, I'll tell you what we do have. We've got one cross-dressing black comic. Right. What? Yeah, go on.

You don't believe me. No, no, no. I don't believe it, but I love that that's in a... Yeah. What's their name? You can Google it. Dibby. Dibby.

D-I-B-B-i all right you put that tv screen on please google dibby they'd be the comedian his name wayne wayne dibby rollins dresses up as a bayesian woman and oh yeah yeah and he's been doing it for years that's the one in the week the one in the week there you go in the wig. There you go. Wow. Right. Would you rather do that or musical comedy? Oh, fuck. He looks like Tyler, the creator.

Oh, fuck. I've seen Tyler, the creator, wear pretty much the same thing live. Oh, my God. Is that basically, you know, in terms of diversity, is that what the urban scene has got going? Just divvy in a wig? That is it. So Wayne, and he's hilarious as well,

but he was doing that years ago. He's been doing that act years and years ago on a black circuit. Do you know how brave you got to be to fucking get up in front of black people, put on a wig, fucking dress, and come out, and he's fucking wedged as well bro right right so but if you were going to become a musical comic to be fair mo gilligan mo gilligan uses music

not a musical comic but he's got a lot of musical bits honey yeah he does that very cleverly i'm not saying obviously mo's not on the urban circuit he's a fucking star but i know i know it's not a musical comedy but it kind of is he's got the stuff about the do you know like in the club and then he gets the track going i hear that a musical comic to me is like a kate lucas yeah at all yeah it's a song yeah i'm gonna sing it i'm gonna play it yeah so what i want to know because i think it would be a good look for you. I think it would. And it look, you know, take a gamble.

Yeah. You could become. The biggest. What instrument? What instrument? I've got a spare ukulele. What genre of music are we going for? Oh, for fuck's sake.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. So you're going prop? I couldn't. I'd have to go prop. I'd have to go prop. I know. Yeah. I'd have to be like fucking I'd have to go prop. I know.

Yeah. I'd have to be like fucking... Have you seen Kane Brown's new closing bit? Yeah, it's about dirty trainers. Yeah. He's like, let me see what I've got in this bag. Dirty trainers, innit? Wide boy trainers. I think it could be fucking incredible.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. You could. I love the art form of comedy. The only black Eskimo. That'd be fucking unbelievable. Buy the rights of Phil Nickle for that and change the words and oh my god I'll pay you any fee you want to close any gig you want with that song. Oh fuck I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it.

I couldn't do it. It's not in my heart. I never grew up watching comedy as anything else. It was always stand-up. Just straight stand-up. Who were you guys? Who were you guys growing up? Oh, man.

The ones that you, like, your heroes. Pryor. Yeah, yeah. Fucking hero. Billy Connolly. Pryor's the first comic I ever saw. Ever. Yeah.

Yeah. Same. Great start. Oh, man. He is the goat of all goats bro on the wall the goat of all goats man eddie murphy it came up it came up in on instagram reels the other day someone had reposted the thing about how he uh when his dad died he died fucking an 18 year old that that amazing routine he came and went and yeah and that bitch couldn't give away no pussy anyone want it no no no you don't kill one motherfucker honestly that would rip in a club today now that that is 50 years old imagine

imagine writing material now and then when you're fucking 90 That still works Oh jeez That's the Come on you can't beat that You can't beat that I'm not letting this slide By the way I came round To become a musical comedian

Oh fuck that He's not letting it go You wanted to do it For a while You had your little Shut up Like That's

To say I wanted to do it Was like I Got to a point in my career i was like this isn't working so i'm gonna i basically for an edinburgh show thought i might play a song really douchey move that you honestly if it occurs to you don't do it it's a bad idea twanged it around made the mistake of practicing it i tried it two gigs in front of other comedians and the news spread and it stuck and he now calls me a musical comic yeah that's what happens bro yeah yeah yeah and that's my fault yeah and i will be solid with that kane's smart enough to know to never pick up that instrument oh i can't play an instrument anyway could learn though a triangle just do a

little thing after every joke at my fucking age I can't even remember people's names. I've been sitting down there. I've had so many jokes come into my head and I thought, I can't even think of the person's name for you lot to fucking laugh. So I sit down, shut my fucking mouth. We were talking about nerves before gigs. Cause obviously, like if you ever watch Kane,

it's an amazing, like you're such an amazing performer. Thanks bro. Like you are the dad of any bit. Like, it's big energy, innit? Yeah. It's phenomenal. Do you ever get nervous? We talked about, we're pretty confident. Like, there's some comics who are brilliant,

who look scared in a dressing room, who are excellent comics, but their process is them fretting and worrying. Do you ever get nerves? Do you ever get nervous? No. I think maybe if there's a lot of jeopardy involved, like if it was like shooting like a Netflix special,

maybe then I'll be like- That's exactly what Adam said, yeah. All right, fuck. I have to nail this. But then you're in your head. But comedy, the worst thing about comedy is the more tense you are,

you're not going to be able to relax. And when you're relaxed is when you get your best work Yeah yeah So So I think You have to find that balance of Alright Embrace the nerves

Because I used to get nervous before I used to have like The little butterflies And whatever else But now Nah I'm just I'm so focused on

I'm just going to kill these motherfuckers This sounds like I'm sucking up to you Yeah But have you ever died? Like, cause if you were like, eh, I wouldn't be so- When was the last time you had a bit of a stinker? There's nothing better than watching a comic.

A good comic. You really like and respect. Have an absolute bag of shit. Hilarious bro. It's the best feeling in the world. Best for comics. No, I can't think of the last time i did some cruise ships oh and it was like an afternoon with all old people and it was tuxedo

night and the ship was rocking and black people we know we don't like ships already bro like that's not our thing so i'm on this fucking slave ship with all these white with all these people that fucking the plantation owners yeah basically that's what it looked like it looked like get out

remember the bit in get out when they were fucking bidding for the black guy and they were doing all this shit when I went out that's what the fucking audience looked like

I went out they're in tuxedo so they're already pent up already they're all spaced out there was no there was no stage it was just a dance floor

there was no proper light on me i'm moving like this while i'm on and that was a that was a tough gig yeah but i i knew what it was so i didn't it's extenuating circumstances yeah yeah so i didn't i went but to as as in it's still not night i was saying this before because i just had a basically a corporate last week and even then you're like oh this is it's still not nice when you're not when you're used to ripping it yeah you'd rather rip it doesn't matter if there are a lot of tories in fucking black tie in the sea but i can i can i said to him i can find enjoyment if they hate me i can find enjoyment in ruining their night more than their ruin of mine yeah i know what you mean i like doing that yeah but the problem is is on the cruise ships it was

in the afternoon no swearing so it was like you have to do a family-friendly show so you can't even get it so you're in your head already and then you're having a shit gig and you're in your head again so it's like a you're in your your double inside you're like a fucking russian dome mate and i'm the little small one inside your hand tiny hand behind your back, aren't they? Basically. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. So there's kids on a cruise ship. Yeah. Going to watch comedy in the day.

Yeah. And they booked Cain. Yeah. And they booked me. What the? That's a half. I thought that was gonna work out. Yeah.

Yeah, it's graft. It's graft. They were at the Hathaway live show seeing Cain and was like, do you know what? Eight year olds on a boat. They're going to love them. Yeah. Was that like a week?

So I was there for the week. Yeah, but you do some evening shows as well. So I did three different shows. So like three different half an hours. So I think I did like six shows that week. So the daytime shows, I did the same clean shows. And then they did like a normal evening show and then an X-rated show. So I could just do what I wanted. And then those were amazing but yeah the afternoon one were they good

the x-rays of ones yeah because it's like i can be myself yeah i can i can slag off the staff i can slag off the light in the no stage i can be myself i think the worst thing you can do to a comic is take away his armor you just you can't what are you supposed to do you someone's seen me somewhere oh this guy's really good and then you then you take away the light and you take away this you can't do this you can't do that yeah you can't and it's like well what do you want then because you're taking away everything that i can do like it's like booking fucking um beyonce to come sing at your birthday party and you don't give her a microphone yeah what's the point where's your happy like he hot water is his second living room

i grew up at the frog basically where's your happy place in comedy there was a place that i used to do i used to compare every sunday uh called uh hideaway oh man if you it's like the black version of hot water oh it's amazing like and when you're comparing and you do it every week people know you they know so they know what to expect they're bringing people down oh you've got to see this guy and you've got fresh faces in there oh mate best base who's on we're talking about 10 years ago yeah uh yeah it's probably about they stopped doing it probably just before the lockdown all right okay not long ago and then they didn't open back up so and who are the guys that that you were down there all the black comics that would be like kojo would be down there slim will

be down there kojo yeah fresh prince of hackney there you go see i remember when that came out yeah mtv knocked that out yeah out he's from britain's got talent sense yeah yeah he's massive on the on this like massive in london basically yeah yeah yeah really big so and then like so all of the black comics so you'd have told you remember the fucking black military um slim absolutely nerds as well yes first time i ever gig with you slim was on the bill was at leeds junglers and i was doing a 10 oh fuck holy shit yeah and paul blair from hot water was my agent at the time and he drove me we were all sat in the green room together and all swan was robert white

and maybe someone else yeah yeah mad bill yeah me and robert we've yeah we've had issues yeah the shoes you you want to explain? I don't mind. So, I mean, listen. By the way, if you can't tell, the tension in the room is because we all think this is about to get dead interesting. All right. Carl can speak on this as well.

Okay. Because Carl used to work at Hot Water Okay As the show manager We'll give context then to Yeah So Robert Wise is a comic who Primarily does a lot of London shows Does the circuit as well

Travels around and First time we have a gig today I've just said And leads junglers And Did Britain's Got Talent? Yep Yeah

Very successfully did Britain's Got Talent Musical comic Poor Severely autistic yeah yeah very successfully did britain's got talent and musical comic poor severely autistic um uh no it's not it's not yeah but it's a specific type of autism that's right or like it's within that sort of yeah so yeah it's very specific and it means he's very particular about how he wants certain things to be done yeah so and he also um can't it's about reading other people's emotions and being empathetic and stuff like that so i'm taking all of that into account and you still think he's a dick and and yeah we just yeah so we did a gig

um we did a gig uh it was a junglers gig years ago when they used to do it at Dickens World. Okay. And I went on in the first half and they had, what's his name? The one that died on the cruise ship. The comic. James Woods. No? No.

The one that died on the cruise ship. Oh my God. What's his fucking name? This is what happens with old age Literally died Like dead No he's dead He died Yeah

Recently Yeah But yeah I don't know Yeah Oh Phil Butler Phil Butler Oh yeah yeah yeah

Died in his sleep Yeah So So yeah So Phil Butler was comparing Don't know why they got Phil Butler to compare Because you know He does that speaker spell

He did that speaker spell joke Anyway So I went on Did my thing Came off Robert White went to go on to close Because that's what they used to do He bought the musical acts

To close He goes to go on And there's a low beam Hanging down there He's going to go on And hit his head On the beam And you know when he comes on

He's got this nervous energy Yeah So he's doing all of that and while he's standing there blood just starts doing this down his face oh Jesus

and everyone can see it and he's like he starts panicking like oh and he's still like in his like kind of he don't know what to do

and he's standing there and blood's just gushing I mean he's got a massive gash fucking gushing down his face he can't see now so he's like he's had to come off phil butler started walking towards me because you know like he wasn't really paying attention to the shows phil's other life's gone to phil phil get back on the fucking stage bro get back on the stage he's gone back on stage and then closed the close it down said oh right guys we're gonna have a break whatever junglers rang me up asked me if I could do

do another 20 okay no problem did another 20 did well after that gig I took him to the hospital right remember you know

he's dressed up yeah he's gay oh yeah that's another thing he's gay not a problem but he dresses like in those

golf trousers yeah with a with a waistcoat and bright green t-shirt right very eccentric me as a black guy has gone to hospital with him everyone's looking like i'm his pimp or something i'm like what the fuck you like people are looking now like they're proper looking yeah i've got to be honest with you if i knew neither of you yeah and you two walked into a and e the other night when i was there and it was you and a bleeding robert white right dressed how robert white dresses you'd have my attention absolutely i'd miss my name being called yeah no i wouldn't

think anything about the sexuality i'd be like that black guy's just twatted a grammar school student he's just twatted a year 11 I'm holding a tissue on his head Like he's my little girl Something like that So it was fucking Anyway But you were there for him You turned up

I was there for him bro And I was in the hospital Until probably about 2, 3 o'clock in the morning Dropped him home Oh shit Dropped him home Right

With the fee Remember I did his set Didn't ask for his money You keep the money bro You turned up I don't care about doing the extra time You don't have to give me nothing Zero With the fee, remember how did he say? Didn't ask for his money. You keep the money, bro. You turned up. I don't care about doing the extra time. You don't have to give me nothing.

Zero. Next time I see it, no. Then he messaged, then I don't know. I don't know if he said thank you or not. I think he did on the night. Then, next time I saw him, I'm comparing. Okay, when you bring me on, make sure you don't say this. Make sure you don't say that.

I said, right, fine. When I went to bring him on i said oh next you guys are gonna fit this guy's really funny blah blah blah he went on didn't have a great set yeah yeah and then came off and ghosted me walk straight past me because you said he's gonna be really funny because i said that so so then afterwards i went outside he was outside i goes you're right he goes no i'm not um you you shouldn't have said that was gonna be really funny and that's why i had a bad set what the fuck yeah a comedy club lad it's a control thing isn't it yeah and mate you know how to control because when you was doing britain's got talent you weren't doing all that diva shit bruv no way could you

no way could you be behaving like that and you're gonna be they're not gonna have it so you can control it so you feel like when you wanna be able to I'm not saying

he can control it all the time but you got presence of mind enough he's a very intelligent guy really intelligent and he suffers with that stuff

he's so on the spectrum and he's suffering that can't be easy to live through that but it it's still difficult when you get a printout from a promoter going this is what you can and can't do with his majesty robert like it feels like that yeah i get i get that you've got to be tolerant of everyone else's needs yeah especially if they're specific and they're part of the show. We're all a team. But I've had a printout that goes, please don't look him in the eye at that point or shake his hand at that point.

You're like, what are we doing? Yeah. It's a circuit act. And it gets people's back up a bit. He used to say, I'm in. So he'd be in for the weekend. He'd be like, are you in tomorrow and Saturday? I'd be like, oh, I'm off Saturday.

He'd be like, no, no, you need to be in. I'd be like, it's fine. The guy who's taking over me is just as good as me. Don't worry. He'd be like, no, I, you need to be in. I'd be like, it's fine. The guy who's taking over me is just as good as me. He'd be like, no, I want you to be in because you know what I want and what I like. It's a tricky one. Because it's not like he's just been difficult for the sake of it.

This is stuff that you can't really understand if you've not got all of that neurodiversity. I'm going to be 100% open and honest. Like, it's not an issue for me. But, and I've got to empathise with him. Like, listen, mate, when he hurt himself, I was there for him. I'm there.

But you don't have to be rude to me and you know you're being rude. Yeah, yeah. Just say to me, oh, next time, could you please not, whatever. That's, I'm all right with that. But for you to try and blame me for you having a gig that you didn't enjoy,

that ain't, don't do that. Don't do that.'t don't do that slight sidestep on this because i've got a question that we sort of spoke about today i don't know whether it was on or off camera when we were abroad have you ever had people get pissed off with you for doing too well as a compare before yeah because this is something that he's had for before because when he compares and there's a reason he tried to step away from it, it's because he's too good at it. Yeah.

And I know you are as well. You go on, you're doing crowd work, you're mixing bits in with crowd work that make the bits look like crowd work, which is a fucking magic trick to an audience. Yeah. And it levels the place. I've seen you years ago comparing Top Secret.

Yeah. I think, before Mark started comparing everything himself. And it's just insane. Like, the walls are shaking. I've seen you do that, the frog on New Act Nights and stuff. And some comics think that that's out of order. Yeah.

And you must have had complaints from people going, what the fuck are you doing? It's weird, isn't it? Yeah, I nearly had a complaint when you were going on before me. And his own gig. Yeah. I thought you were pacing up and down. I was like, you're right, Dan. No, it's good.

You were so good. And you're like, I was going to try a new bit tonight as well. You must have had it, though. I've had it, but you know what i kind of i kind of understand but i don't i wouldn't say i wouldn't say i don't if if i go on after someone who's done really well it's something they just got to deal with yeah just got to deal with it it's just life it's part of what we do if if if i was going on and say so like dave chapelle was doing like a

oh dave chapelle and friends i'm not'm not expecting Dave Chappelle to not do fucking great so I can come on and look good I'm not expecting that I'm expecting to have to level up and that's what I want everyone to do that's what comics are supposed to do fuck he's doing well now I've got to fucking dig deep

that's it grow some balls I think it's really I think it's really shitty to try and put it on you for doing well I understand if it's like alright you're supposed to do 10 minutes

and you did like 40 minutes then you brought them on because you killed the energy in the room because you took everything out. I get that part. Oh, that's bang out of order. Yeah, that's wrong.

But if you've gone, I'll do eight to 12 and you're on and you've done 11 and a half and fucking tore the place apart. You've done your job. That's right. And I've never understood.

Paul used to get a lot of hot water. This was before Paul was Paul. This is when Paul was just the comp here. No one knew who he was. He'd fucking rip it in the middle and some sad cunt who's drove from manchester for 40 quid had to go on after him and be like i'm not very good with women and they're all just like you're but if you put me in the middle i was like oh the energy i watch a compere doing what you guys and what paul can do to a room and go oh that's in the room yes that's available yeah yeah that's in the room so I can get it out of it

yeah like watching a comp rip it for me it's like oh we're all gonna have a good gig anyone who's intimidated by it I just think it's so fucking yeah they're pussies man

they're pussies big old pussies they are they're pussies man I feel like there's a lot of people on the comedy circuit that need to grow balls man they need to grow fucking balls they don't

they live in a comfort zone they don't want to push themselves they're balls. They don't. They live in a comfort zone. They don't want to push themselves. They don't mind if they coast along their whole career. That's shit, bruv. But what's out there now, and like I said to you during the break, what you have done with this podcast, what Paul Smith's done, what Paul and Binti have done with Hot Water,

you guys have changed the whole game. I don't think you understand what's actually happened. Because you're in it. You're in your little bubble game i don't think you understand what's actually happened because you're in it you're in your little bubble i don't think you understand what's happened things have changed forever forever because of what you guys done in your dirty trainers everything everything you don't even understand you have no idea you have no idea even when i saw when i saw you guys um um in liverpool and um and we just bumped into each other and you like showing me like the patrons and whatever else and i was like and this was like when this was like a year and no but about 18 months ago 18 months ago three and thousand? Yeah, it was about three and a half thousand and I was looking at the figures and I'm like,

what is this? Black people, oh man, I went because he was trainers then. That's all we see. I could buy another four pairs a month. And, but what that showed was,

like you said, what can be done? Yeah. What can be done? You don't need these other people behind. You need a team. Yeah.

But you've got the team here. You've created your own team. Yeah. You don't understand how magical that is that you guys, your best fucking friends, you trust each other

because that's the issue as well with a lot of podcasts. People start podcasts. I see everybody doing podcasts now. You lot must see it and be like, oh, fucking another one.

You're never going to make it, baby. You can see it. Because it takes a special chemistry for podcasts to really work. You can't just throw three, four people in a room, get guests on, and it's going to happen. And they just watch the fucking money rolling. Don't work like that.

Don't work like that. You guys are fucking talented. When talent meets hard work, this is what happens. There's a lot of people that have got talent. And no, but I'm getting me fucking dick out, mate. I got to big. You don't understand, bro.

You don't understand. Even on the black circuit, no one on the black circuit has even done what you've done. Nobody's done that. Nobody. Every week, I'm checking you lot's Patreon followers like I'm invested. 15,000! Motherfuckers, time to buy this thing. Minus tax, fucking hell.

Well done. I'm fucking happy for you lot, man. I'm over the moon to see what you guys are doing. And I know- Man, I'm serious. Cause I know what you guys are doing. And I know- I feel like Adam wants to just go- Man, I'm serious. Because I know what we've got coming. Yeah.

Because like, do you know what, right? While we're all sucking our own dicks in here for a minute, I've had the ego and the ambition and the ideas of someone successful for a decade with no money. So what this podcast has done has given an egotistical ambitious idea magnet a budget so now i'm like i want to film stand-up specials for all of my favorite comics and we're

now in a position where on a week's notice we can sell a venue out and get the cameras and film it wow so we're doing that on sunday this sunday this sunday, we're filming the first have a weird half hour standup special with a comic that we love. We're going to do two or three of them a year. We told you in the break plans that we can't quite reveal to this audience. And it just like... They're massive.

It's so fun to just be able to be like, right, me and Carl talk about it all the time. It's like, what can we do now? That's just me and carl have started running a monthly quiz the top prize next month is three grand because it's rolled over for three months fucking so what i said it's some under a day and you're like that like you watch other people doing it but we can just do it better you watch mock the week or we could do that just better yeah we do every we'll just do everything better so fuck them all and we'll just do all of it better for everyone i just i feel i feel like

and that and that's the thing because you've got the ambition you've got the drive you've got the talent it's like everything's just come together and being around the blair guys they've really really helped people's careers around here. Oh, yeah, yeah. They've been a huge influence. And, man, that's what we needed. The problem is the black circuit, a lot of the promoters, man, like ex-drug dealers and fucking road men, yeah,

like people washing their money and shit like that. That's what we went through. Do you know what I mean? The promoters, you'd do a gig, bro. You'd travel for a gig. You'd get to the end of the gig like, bro, you know what, yeah, hey, we really didn get to the end of the gig you're like bruv you know what yeah we really didn't make

the money you know fam so you're like bruv where's my wages you're like bruv we didn't really make no money so

you're gonna have to just squash it like what the fuck like I've just driven to like Manchester you're not gonna tell me you're not gonna pay me £150

fuck seriously bro so that's what we've that's the shit that we've and now we've got really good promoters now don't get me wrong we've got really good promoters. So that's what we've, that's the shit that we've, and now we've got really good promoters now.

Don't get me wrong. We've got really good promoters now, but that's what we've gone through. If we had someone like the Blairs who fucking, like, look how far forward thinking they are, you know,

and they've just, they think on a massive scale. This is what encouraged you lot. Fuck, you know, we can do that. You're built. And now you just, now,

like you said, it's like, okay, the world's our oyster now. Why not? Do absolutely fucking everything. You're the first, you're able to do it. Show people the way and be pioneers. And do it better. And do it better.

Be pioneers. So you don't want to be a prop comic, is that what you're saying? Yeah. That's what I'm saying. To sum up, we're saying? Yeah, basically. Shall we do a,

have a word and get the fuck out of Dodge here, guys? I need an air cut. You can hear me beard done straight. I could do it. I'm just putting you right here. Oh,

I'm okay. And I've got me guy. Yeah, trust him. I think Kane should do it. I believe you. I don't even let the guy next to my guy in the barbers that I go to,

do me. I'm going to do it just to show you. I'll do my own. Do you do your own beard? Yeah. I'm gonna get it. Your beard's looking good. Thank you.

I'm gonna get it taken down a little bit more than I normally would, because I'd normally get it done the day I want it doing. It's for Saturday night. And your beard's lovely as well. I don't buy shoes and I don't have hair. This is not, you know what I mean? You do have a beard. But your beard looks good though. Bald c***, I spent 90 quid on shoes and I don't have hair this is not you know what I mean you do have a beard but your beard looks good though

ball con I spent 90 quid on shoes I was like woo you've also got a big Q7 and a Z4 so we'll be happy to let you two

hold on what's that I bought an Audi Q7 off a guy you used to do comedy for yeah squash it you I don't have the V5 yet I think we're going to have to squash it Squish it yeah

I don't have the V5 yeah I think we're going to have to squish it We don't have that V5 Drive away Keep my name out of your logbook Can we just do one and have a word? Yes Instead of doing the circle joke That I definitely enjoyed Mark Adams says Hi Lids Please have a word? Yes. Instead of doing the circle joke that I definitely enjoyed.

Mark Adams says, Hiya, Lids. Please have a word with my mates. So me and my girlfriend of three years were talking about fantasies and she brought up wanting to have a girl-on-girl experience. I said, I didn't have a problem, but Jokey said, yeah, you could film it at least. Have I done this one?

We've done so many have a words that this is now... I don't think we've done this. Anyway, a couple of months later, she many have a words this is now I don't think we've done this anyway couple of months later she does have a girl on girl night I'm out with my mates the night after

and what pops into my whatsapp video whatsapp is a video the hottest thing I've ever seen I'm told my mates I told my mates what happened

I didn't show them and they think it's wrong cheating and I should delete it have a word with them for being stupid and let me have my phone or have a word with them for being stupid and let me have my phone or have a word with me if i'm the one who's being mugged off cheers lids hang on just

in a nutshell recap that for me because i don't i can't so his partner wanted a lesbian experience yeah he said yes go for it she went okay i'll film it and then sent him the video so he's getting off on it and she's getting what she wants to he's basically she's um but why is why is his mates calling him out i don't get that yeah but i think i think wasn't it say they were talking about fantasies and she brought up wanting to have a girl on girl experience um yeah but he's getting off on it as well but she's basically gone cool and then gone off and had a lesbian experience without him i'm going oh i see i think it's the old, you know, the sexual confidence tree. I think it depends on whether he's asked,

which he clearly isn't. Yeah. I would, I'd have a problem with that. You can't just go and get a sneak pussy behind my back. You can't just walk off and eat some pussy, come back and then guess what? I filmed it. If you want sneak pussy,

use code WORD10. Guess what? I filmed it. Yeah, I mean, I'd want to, it depends on whether he's arsed, but I'd, I couldn't do it anyway, I don't think. Like, if you're going to lick a pussy, I need to be in the room while you're doing it.

You're still cheating, innit? Yeah, I need to be involved in the project. Oh, you need to be involved. I need to be project the room while you're doing it you're still cheating innit yeah I need to be involved in the project oh you need to be involved I need to be project manager what stood there yeah you've got clearance what about health and safety yeah

did you say clitorans or clearance because if so kudos I want to have said clitorans yeah I mean I I had a conversation with a girl I was seeing once

who was like I would quite like the idea of a threesome and I was like cool as long as it's me and you and another girl and she was like well it'd be whoever we sort of found I wouldn't mind if it was a girl or a boy

do a raffle and I was like no no no if it was me you and another girl and it was like that's the only time It ever happens I'm in the room Great And then it never Come around Did you not do

Another man no What Not do another man No I've done that before With the one night stand Yeah no but it wasn't A partner was it

No You were friends With the man Yeah Yeah Yeah I could not I could not

Let my Watch my girl Get fucked By someone else No Ever No I could dream about That shit get fucked by someone else. No. Ever. No. I could dream about that shit and wake up in Shakespeare,

sweating and shit and staring at her in the face. I'm gonna fucking kill this bitch. Even another girl? No, another girl. No, that's different. We can both eat a little pum pum. You know what I'm saying? Take it in turns.

I swipe it, you give a swipe. Your turn, baby. But I don't feel a threesome ever from a man's point of view is two men and one woman if it's your woman.

No. Look, I know it's sexist, but I agree with him. Yeah, I'm sorry. It's bad. I think sometimes you get halfway through

and you're like, I'm just knackered. You know, and you've just got a teammate there to finish the job. You know what I think? Yeah, but you've got

A team mate If it's just you and her You just ask her To get on top for a bit She's tired It can be hard You know A full four minutes

Can be knackering You play the first half On me bro By the way The entire time Dan's talking there I want the camera On Cain's face

Because he looked like He was watching someone He looked like he was Watching a blind man Do a Rubik's Cube Then he was like How The fuck Rubik's Cube I'm into it I'm into it as long as me and the dude

get to dress up like a WWF tag team wrestling team the Hardy Boys Legion of Doom I'll be animal he can be hawk and then high fives with your wife

yeah I have put weight on we'll be the natural disasters typhoon and earthquake tag. With your wife. Yeah, I have put weight on. There'll be the natural disasters. Typhoon and earthquake. Tagging. With your wife. No, you're going to be the Dudley boys and you're Bubba Ray. Not Bubba Ray.

She's been on about me to spend more time with the lads. Do you know? She's worried I've not got enough social life, so get one involved. I, look. The bushwhackers. I remember them

yeah yeah I honestly you can have fun you a mate and a girl if you're a drunk

and you're all up for it and it's all consensual and all that shit but if you're gonna have a threesome within a relationship as a man it's got imagine he's got

the other guy's got an absolute fucking pipe yeah you don't have a selfie with it I thought you had a bit of confidence about your bollocks about you I have until I see a fucking nine inch absolute fucking pipe. Yeah, you don't have a selfie with it. I thought you had a bit of confidence and we heard bollocks about you.

I have, until I see a fucking nine inch, absolute fucking. Hang on, so he's the compere, he's ripping it and you're shitting yourself? Yeah. Yeah. Because I don't mind you ripping a gig, but you're not ripping me, missus.

It's all right. It's okay. I feel like that's a fair enough stance, actually. Step up to me. I'm not going to lie to you. I'll be honest. I'm all right in that department. I'm good. But I went and bought extra large condoms once thinking yeah because you know the normal ones they're kind of kind of tight yeah they don't make those condoms for human

consumption what the bro there was space on top of space, bro. Like, you could have moved this studio inside the condom with my dick inside, bro. It was huge. I don't know who the fuck's wearing these extra large condoms. It ain't me. So I know what you mean. I'm all right. But you know those porn dicks?

You know the fucking elephant truck? I ain't doing that. No way. You're fucking crazy, bro. Stretching my missus' mouth and fucking stretch marks everywhere around her face. No way. Stretch marks.

What happened to me, bro? If your missus comes back with stretch marks everywhere around her face no way if your missus comes back with stretch marks on her face she's had a fucking rough night

watching her hog off these scars her mouth looked like an accordion fuck that bro

like the joker no fuck that yeah if you're good at something never do it

for free I I I couldn't let my missus go and I'm with his mates. I'd be like, ugh, she didn't tell you she was doing it.

Yeah, because he could have said, yeah, just to be cool and gone, actually, do you know what? I'm more into it. And she's gone, okay, yeah, go on, bam. And just gone straight into it. It sounds like your missus might be a lesbian or bisexual. She's keen, isn't she? Yeah.

I mean, also, he's fine with it. He's fine with it. You're fine with it? Yeah, but I don't think you should be. And if you've got the Legion of Doom costume and you've got a spare one for me we can use to talk i like wrestling is that the pot i tried to play devil's advocate pretty well there didn't i yeah um kane you're you're hall of fame without even sitting on that couch. And this has just secured it, man. It's brilliant.

Where can we find you? Socials, where are you? Any socials. Kane Brown Comedy. K-A-N-E Brown Comedy. Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, TikTok. Have you got anything big coming up that you want to fly? Nothing massive. Because, like I said said I'm planning on going away anyway

So I've not planned anything big I'm just going to be working out material before I leave So then when I get there I've got a fucking solid hour And if you see Kane on the listing Just go and watch this man do what he does It's fucking amazing The Arena Show We have opened up the very final seats

For the Arena show which is absolutely bananas the last 1000 tickets went on sale this week um once they're gone they are gone gigsandtours.com ticketquarter.co.uk for the final tickets for friday the 9th of december have a word live at the m&s bank Arena in Liverpool. It's going to be amazing. I have got zero tour tickets to sell because it's over. So I'm going to be in Dubai though, as I've said. So keep your eye out for that. I'm doing an hour in Dubai on the 6th of August.

Tickets go on sale this week. I think that I'll post the link everywhere because I've told them I'll give them a lift with promotion. And on the 14th of July, I was supposed to be in Derby. And I did plug that a couple of times that gig has been pulled because the promoter couldn't be arsed I've got some previews coming up as I said Newcastle on the line I've got one in Hull I've got one in Sandbach near Congleton and skipped them they're all in August July and August so danspreviews.com and the tour is selling out I'm really chuffed about it dannightings.com. And the tour is selling out.

Really chuffed about it. Dannightingale.com. Get them while you can. People keep asking if I'm expanding the tour to new cities. I'm not. What's in the diary now is almost definitely

going to be the diary. So pick one of those towns or cities. Get on it. Dannightingale.com. Also, at the time of recording, obviously by the time this goes out publicly,

it's Monday. Sunday, this week, the 10th of July. So if you're an early access set, there is just a handful of tickets left for the Secret Sundays special taping. You know where to get the tickets for that if you are allowed them.

And if you don't, then figure out a way. There's a few left. We are very excited about that, Sunday the 10th of July, but this does go out publicly on Monday. All the old listeners. We've got a song. Finn's not here because he's in Turkey

getting his teeth done. He's getting his fingers done, isn't he? He's getting his fingers and his teeth done. He's getting new fingers. And his eyes. Getting Turkey eyes. The band are the Luchetas. Maybe the Lusetas,

but I'm going to go with a hard C on that. Luchetas. They're from Essex and they're playing the Zanzibar Club on the 28th of August in Liverpool. And this song is called Counting On Me. And you only get that if you're an audio listener because YouTube doesn't like it

when we put stuff like that on it. So, Soz, pop that. Kane, appreciate you. Love you guys, man. Thanks so much. Thank you for having me down. Au revoir. Bye, Felicia. Thank you. You gotta take my hand if you come with me You gotta question the life that you're leading

You got spirit but you gotta believe That you're all round to one And now you're coming unbun But I guess it's only what you need So why don't you see And let my love shine through Now you're counting on me You got late night juice

Now you're counting on me And you're calling up another Wish you was my lover I guess I'll just discover in my mind I'm gonna hold on forever Never gonna leave you behind And now you're counting on me Yeah, yeah

And now you're counting on me Yeah, yeah The lonely ones are ride the longest day There's so much I wish that I could say Leave me be when I'm all to one Cause when my mind just slips I might as well be done You gotta question the days that I'm dreaming I've hurt you all into an unknown feeling

I'm all to one and now I'm coming undone But I guess it's always the same I hope you know my name And let my love shine through Now you're counting on me You got late night tunes Now you're counting on me You got late night tunes Now you're counting on me And you're coming up and under

Wish you was my lover, I guess I'll just discover in my mind I'm gonna hold on forever Never gonna leave you behind And now you're counting on me Yeah, yeah And now you're counting on me Yeah, yeah

And if our love shots through Now you're counting on me You've got late night shoes Now you're counting on me You've got late night shows Now you're counting on me And you're coming up and under Wish you was my lover I guess I'll just discover In my mind I'm gonna hold on forever

Never gonna leave you behind And now you're counting on me Yeah, yeah And now you're counting on me Yeah, yeah And now you're counting on me Yeah, yeah And now you're counting on me On me, on me Yeah, now you're counting on me

On me, on me, on me I'm out.