Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #197 with Jonny Bongo - Have A Word w/Adam & Dan

Episode Date: November 7, 2022

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It's going to be a belter. Now, I'm getting the word nuts. Oh, you think darkness is your ally. Cha! Upset me, nasty bitch. The star sign. Darkness is your ally. Cha! Upset me, nasty bitch! Disgusting! Wag wag leads, you're listening to the funniest podcast in the game with Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn.

Shut up, Finn. You good-looking, big-fingered Welsh weirdo. This is the one and only, the now infamous, the soon-to-be legendary. Have a word. Go, Ed. Get on me. How? How do you like me now? You all right, mate?

Yeah. You can't give me a monitor where we can see our faces that clearly because I'm like a parrot and I won't care what yous are talking about. I'll just be looking at how beautiful I am for the whole episode. I wonder where you're going with that. Just shout at my own reflection. Adam! Adam! Oh, yeah. I have this problem with mirrors. Like a parrot. just shout at my own reflection Adam! Adam! Oh yeah

I have this problem with mirrors like a parrot Oh it's like that on FaceTime isn't it? You don't look at the other person you look at yourself the entire time sometimes I make myself the big part of the screen

I make them the little one That's what Because they're seeing me That's what we have to do with Etta and Jack Kenta's like I just need to She's basically doing a fucking selfie

With someone talking to her She's great fun Do you know the other day This is so embarrassing Right It feels like this story's going to be about my daughter The other day your fucking five five-year-old. What the fuck?

That was pokes. Shat herself. So, have you noticed a complete lack of mirrors these days in high street stores? What? There's less. There's less mirrors in high street stores. Conspiracy. Right?

It is. Oh, it is. Yeah, yeah. Do you know what it actually is? Go on. Because they want you to try stuff on in the changing rooms. They don't want you to try it on the shop floor. Okay. Apparently, that's what it actually is? Go on. Because they want you to try stuff on in the changing rooms. They don't want you to try it on on the shop floor. Okay.

Apparently, that's what it is. That's weird because I usually buy less when I try it on. Really? I'm more instinctive and go, I'll just buy it and if it fits, I'll bring it back and I never do. If I go into the changing room, I'm more likely. Exactly. So they want, if you're going to try it on, you have to go through the effort of going to the changing room. Cool, I get it.

So people don't try it on. Yeah, I get it, I get try it on yeah i get it i get it right um and also it clogs up the shop floor from people browsing you're in the way and they also blast the heating as well right so there's less mirrors which means there's more competition for minnows right excuse me there's more like there's less mirrors so more people are trying to use the same mirror so sometimes you have to wait to use a mirror because someone else is using the mirror did you have a reflection fight with someone

no I I was asked sorry can I use that mirror by someone because I was in the mirror just having a look but I wasn't trying anything on I was just looking at me

close and I just had to walk out the shop in the stuff I was looking at where was that Zara bra bravissimo

can I use that mirror for my massive tits In the stuff I was looking at. Where was that? Zara. Bravissimo. Can I use that mirror for my massive tits? Bravissimo. What a mad one to bring out. Same bra's on the shop floor. It's the worst one. It's because I've just walked past it. It is on the corner there isn't it Fucking hell lad

I love Bravissimo Just big tats Everyone in there I just think I'm such a child She's got big boobs In the Bravissimo there There's a testimonial in the window Someone's died

Roy Keane's testimonial in the window. Someone's died. What? Someone's died. Yeah. It's Roy Keane's testimonial. Roy Keane's dead. I didn't know he was dead. Yeah, there's a testimonial from a woman. And they've obviously, like, because Bravissimo don't just sell bras.

They fit them as well. I don't know if you know about this. Is that their tagline? We don't just sell them. We'll touch you up. Bravissimo. Apparently, women go to Bravissimo to find out what their true bra size is. Yeah.

Why are you all telling me? I know my tits have got bigger. Come on, Dan. Time to go to Bravissimo. Well, you're the only one with a wife, and maybe she's been wearing the wrong bra all these years, and for Christmas, you could get a day's experience after Arvissimo.

Listen, this is going to seem like a criticism of my beautiful, beautiful wife, but you're talking about a Premier League venue and a championship club. She's just not in that league. Oh, she's got fake boobies though, isn't she? She's not Bravissimo. That's not just a bra Is it?

That's a That's a holster Oh no no no no no no You're being misled By theissimo in that title Oh It does sound big doesn't it? Yeah

Sounds like weighty Mate Bravissimo Is for And this is It's for gals with big tats Yeah No but they do They do little dinkies as well

Do they? No Stay Bravissimo What stay bravissimo no come on i want to say no do you think bravissimo is the giacomo of tits yes i absolutely do do you think because i think that's what it is 28d to 40l oh 28d wow i'll help with that fitting you know what the number is Dan but there's the testimony

in the window which is obviously not true right especially if that's a fact said it says I thought I was a 28B

turns out I'm a 36FF no I've been wearing the wrong bra for years like imagine how bad your tits have felt for years you've got your own bra size that wrong I think you need a carer yeah No. I've been wearing the wrong bra for years. Imagine how bad your tits have felt for years. You've got your own bra size that wrong. I think you need a carer.

Yeah. I thought I was a 28 AA. Turns out I've got fucking double Gs. And a fucking van to carry them around in. Dan, do you know what the number is? It is a big girl bra thing. Now, do you know what the number is with the letter? What? Do you know what the number is with the letter? What?

Do you know what the number means? Like, yeah. What? Well, the 28 is the... No. Is the chest measurement, isn't it? Yeah, the size of the... D's cup. The body.

Cup, isn't it? Yeah, so like a low number with the big letters. Yeah, you're looking at a rugby union player. A low number. Oh, sorry, a high number with a... Oh, yeah. A high number with...

Oh, that's what I thought. A 48. Yeah, if you're a 48, you are a England rugby union prop. Whoa, whoa, whoa. And congratulations, Madden. Right, so hang on. Great in a rugby union.

So the number is the back, I think it's the back size rather than the chest size. It's the size of their back. No, it's the, yeah, it's the measurement that we can do, isn't it? Basically.

Cross your chest. I thought it was back. Does it go over the tits? No. That's why it's the back. Right. I'm sure it's the width of the back.

I'm sure there's a lot of women really enjoy, or people who identify as women, really enjoying this chat. You can just call them women. They'd rather just be called women rather than people

who identify as women. They just think they're called women rather than people who identify as women. They just think they're women. Yeah, it's the rib cage. Thanks for that. Just letting you know. Been reading up on me trans stuff. We've got a trans guest coming up. So I want to be informed.

Who? Oh. Guy Holden, right? Oh, right. Great. Sorry. Ellen Degeneres. He looks like a fucking lesbian.

It's the rib cage Right That's the number And then the So a 40 double A You look like Brock Lesnar It's hard to do So is

Is it A A A B B B C C C They're big C's then Is that it No you're in L If they're that

Long They're double L. They call them Welsh tits. Fucking hell, she's got flanetly tits. Toboggans. If you've got a double L, you need to disappear into the Welsh hills. Fucking hell.

Look at the toboggans on here, lad. Who's hosting the Winter Olympics? Janine. Can I have a K? Can I have a K-tits? No, you can't. You can have a no. Can we Google K-tits, please?

Oh, no, they're medical. Oh, they've got to be medical tits. K-boobs. Sounds like a pop band. It's K-pop, isn't it? Well, that's silenced everyone. Phenomenal work. work yeah they're 36k in that blue bra at the top

top right now bastards just give a round of applause for that I honestly think if you went in with 36k Bravissimo would be like fucking hell lad we can do so much

isn't it mad that we are a very laddy podcast with you know today there's four white males hosting this and we're looking at women's tits on the internet and it is in no way in a pervy way we're educating ourselves yeah because men don't know this yeah could you uh bookmark that last picture though because i want to learn more do you know your sizes properly though. Do you what? What, my tits? I'll put a bit away.

In the break. I'll put a bit away. We're taking you bravissimo. You're getting rid of that 22B. We're going to get you the F you deserve. I wonder, talking about that, talking about, you know, everyone who identifies as women,

I wonder if bravissimo are allowed anymore to go, fuck off, mate. If I go in and go, I'd like my boobs measured. If they're so worried about not being woke, they're like, of course, madam. I think this might be the first ever episode where we go on a little journey in the middle of the episode.

I think Bravissimo is so close. Bravissimo, Bravissimo. where we go on a little journey in the middle of the episode. I think Bravissimo is so close. Bravissimo. I think we can take one of these cameras and Will and you on your lunch, I'll go to Slim Chickens for you, get your lunch and you can go into Bravissimo and you can ask them to measure your tits. And by the time I finish the Slim Chickens,

I'll be up a cup. Would you do that? Yeah. You would go in and ask? As long as... Because we went to the gallery and said some naughty words of the day right as long as i can leave with a catalog is that fair yeah i want to learn more the reason i know bravissimo is for the gifted lady is because one of my old uh house

mates had the bravissimo catalog and she had, like by her own admittance, massive tats. And the Bravissimo catalogue came along and she had to ask for it back. Like Barry Dodds would have it for a bit. It would just sort of do the rounds. It was like, oh, casual reading. So Bravissimo, big fan.

Well, that's early porn, isn't it? I remember the little ones. I was 26 when I lived in this house. Right, that's not good. You just had the internet then then did you have the internet then it hadn't gone all well can we just let me just take

2007 Dan can we just park the bus for a second have you ever wanked to a Littlewoods castle no

wait was we that's early porn yeah that's the first porn when I was obviously not like this is talking young before we had the internet wasn't that it

was just like arrival to argos were you wanking over like trampolines in there no no i think slides i really wanted this slide my god got me going did you know grat grattons was a whatever whatever was in the house there's catalogs but like the first couple of you know i knew where to flip no you can't have an index wank i don't think there's anything in there or dixon's No, you can't have an index wank. I don't think there's anything in there. Or Dixon's. Now Comet, of course.

In a one-pound buyout, if you didn't know. But yeah, Littlewoods was the... If you were expecting just Titcher, you were wrong. We're talking about wank into catalogues, but also we're doing a bit of business insider knowledge with Carl. Yeah, Littlewoods was my first foray into the woman's body. I had a National Geographic wank. Oh. Over a mountain.

Yeah. Tribes people. Oh, they all got their tits out, haven't they? Yeah, that did it for me. No, they've all got them things in their mouth, like the fucking dinner plates.

But they've all got their tits out as well. I wasn't wanking over the jewellery, was I? I was 24. You know, if you ever need proof that I'm not racist, National Geographic wank. Did you not do that now? No, I knew about the Daily Star from quite a young age,

so I just used to just go and get that. It was like 20p. It's a cheap spa after. It's clever. And then I started to get a nuts and zoo magazine. What was the one that was just all tits? Oh, it was Daily Sport Daily Sport

that's what I no I did mean this Steve used to buy the Daily Sport no I used to like the Daily Star not this Steve by the way

another Steve yeah I used to like the Daily Star because not only did you get to see the lady on page three

but you also got to learn about Liverpool's transfer rumours from the back pages as well that's great isn't it that's lovely what era was this 2000 and what I forgot to learn about Liverpool's transfer rumours from the back pages as well. It's great, isn't it? That was lovely.

What era was this? 2001? 2002 to 2021? It's difficult, isn't it? Reading about the transfer of Lucas Leiva that quick after a wank. You don't usually combine the two. It was my two interests back then. Women and footy.

Not much has changed. You're going to say Lucas. Yeah, Littlewood yeah little woods catalog was great i've never been a massive boob man to be honest with you what have i got to stop doing by the way so this is a little bit of mid-production i'm sorry if you see dan looking into the near distance he's looking at will but will isn't always looking at him no i'm no i'm not looking at will i'm looking at the camera it's the same thing but the camera isn't always looking at you yeah but I just think you're just going to have to get used to it

like people just need to no that's Will's in the room and sometimes we're going to address him as well okay well there you go if you think Dan's having an aneurysm

was I doing it too much it was noticeable Finn complained if I'm honest and that's why we've sacked him yeah Finn is in Jerusalem now

he's hiding in a big Welsh girl's tit just because we weren't going to mention it don't do it LL36 that's the postcode and a bra size

and I'll kill Jay's brother as well I'm so excited for you to go and get your bra Finn will you do it because we'll follow you with a camera

yeah I'll do it okay well the first I've I've heard because Theo killed himself but one of the breaks in this episode

you'll see Dan getting his tits off right cool or not because bravissimo might refuse you know when we walk in with a camera crew

no it needs to be seeking it Will needs to be like across the road wow cool these don't look at Will these cameras fucking

Will's Will that's him camera do enough full adverts if you want Don't look at Will. These cameras. Will's Will. That's him. Camera. Do them a full advert if you want. Oh, yeah. An advert for Bravissimo. Get on them, stay.

It does sound like a coffee, doesn't it? Like a coffee machine. Oh, it absolutely does. You've nailed that. Yeah. There's a Nescafe posh... Yeah, maybe they should

get together. Yeah. Tits and coffee. Both use milk. But our shop's. Yeah. Tits and coffee. Both use milk. Bra shops use milk. Tits. Oh. There you go.

They can provide them with the milk. When you're getting your bra fitting... Bra shops use milk! Do they wash the bras in milk? No, they could go... You could get 20% off if you provide us with a litre of tit milk. A litre?

A litre, yeah. A litre of tit milk? Maybe in a liter of tip milk maybe in wales you you've got experience with this right do you know when a woman's had a baby right yeah when a man and a woman love each other very much when a man loves a woman and they fuck oh oh whoa you can see adam you've missed the trick there the first bit's meant to be slowly introducing them into sexual relations. And you've gone straight into the way of fuck. They fuck.

He puts his erect penis deep into a cavernous pussy. How old's this kid? When that happens, and then the man spaffs, the woman is ovulating at the time. Hello. Right. And then nine months later

a little miracle comes out right walking out how are we how are we yeah walking out

chilling there it's a fucking draft and then the woman's the woman's breasts hello is that the right word yeah

yeah lubber dubs not like tits sounds sharp tits breasts no breasts sounds slippy breasts yeah right yeah lubber dubs Yeah. Loverdubs. Not like tits. Sounds sharp. Tits. Breasts. Breasts.

No, breasts sounds sleepy. Breasts. Yeah. Right. Loverdubs. Loverdubs. Gazpods. Robots.

Robots. Pop them in your bra. Vissimo. Nice coffee. So the woman then starts producing milk to help raise the baby. I don't know what the amount. To raise the baby. Right. I was the baby? Right.

I was raised by tits. No, it's to rear, isn't it? Here's my question. How much milk do they make? Well, as a man who has suckled on those breasts during the trying to get the colostrum out.

Is it colostrum? Milk. There's a clot. Clotted cream. Those breasts. During the, trying to get the colostrum out. Is it colostrum? Colostrum-y bag? Milk. Colostrum. Colostrum-y bag. There's a... Clot. Clotted cream.

There's a clotted cream stage where it's all the goodness, but it's, you know. Do we remember what happened when Jack was born? Yeah. Laura was like, I need help bringing my milk through. And I had a little... Yeah. Puff, puff, give. I didn't give.

Sweet. Yeah. Yeah. Not loads. and i had a little yeah yeah pop pop give i didn't give it yeah yeah not loads so you couldn't like you couldn't have like a bowl of frosties would i um i mean you maybe if you there's a there's breast pumps in there yeah i've seen those in action They weren't popular in our house. I think a good hour on a breast pump might get you, you know, a few ounces. It's not loads. It's not loads. So I couldn't have me brecci with her?

I mean, it depends, you know, maybe if you've got some sort of production line going. No, but if it was just one woman? Just one lady. You're not going to get your brecci out of her? I mean, she'd have to get up early and start pumping. I'm not going to bother them. Right.

What, having kids? No, with me plan. Oh, right. Okay, cool. Is it both tits as well? Yeah, one's pasteurised, one's semi-skinned. I'm a green man as well. One's blue, one's grey.

By the way, ladies, in all seriousness, if one of your tits has gone green, you do need to seek medical attention. No, I don't think you're getting loads. Did he produce anything else at the time? Pardon? You know how a milkman doesn't just sell milk? The women get orange juice coming off the fanny,

and then he... Okay, eight-year-old Adam. Cola, cola. That'd be good, that though. Someone should have meant that. They should. A post-mix machine. Just get a little frother.

Frother? A frother. Oh, are you one of them? We should have a lisp here. No, I just said it wrong. Oh. A frother. Laura's got a fancy coffee machine.

Has she? She's called Susan no the coffee machine we've got in there that we got for the studio which we were heavily discounted by Sage weren't we

yeah it's fantastic but it's it's built for like making one coffee at a time so like and it takes like

three or four minutes done it so for me Will and Finn to have a coffee it's like takes 20 minutes for us't it so for me Will and Finn to have a coffee it's like takes 20 minutes for us to

it's quicker for us to go to well why don't we just get a bravissimo and espresso we probably should just because they're quicker

aren't they yeah Laura's quicker to go to Starbucks at the minute literally right okay yeah Laura's got quite a

nice coffee maker for the morning she uses Starbucks pods that's a fantastic machine to have in your house if you live like on your own

I've never been into coffee Makes me poo Makes me do a poo I've had a double espresso this morning Coffee is fantastic Like do you know when you wake up Do you actually like the taste I love the taste

I like a really strong and bitter coffee as well So Starbucks signature blend Is quite a bitter coffee as well so starbucks uh signature blend is quite a bit of coffee anyway but i guess that that is a medium americano but i get an extra shot in it as well that's got four shots of coffee in and then hot water and then i just get a bit of milk to cool it down starbucks i'm glad you said that because i've always found their stuff a bit bitter and i end up getting like vanilla i have the kids no i i want it and it's so sugary and honestly like i sometimes i go through a drive-thru and they go do you want the blonde roast today and i can't say no quick enough

honestly if she was saying like do you want me to murder your family i wouldn't answer any quicker than i do i'm like no no no no yeah a weird question to ask when in the queue Starbucks anything else murder your family blueberry muffin kill your entire family no cool you can just pay on card erm

yeah Starbucks is a bit can athletes use caffeine is that something they get tested for because surely it has surely beneficial

no they're fine with that they'd crash though wouldn't they like it's not like it's not like they often have like you'll see like as not like it's not like they often have like you'll see like as a substitute

about to come on they'll have like a little pouch of gel which is just caffeine gel essentially and they drink because they'd sport all the time

as a substitute about to come on just have a fucking Americano coffee honestly is fantastic like if you wake up you know when you wake up

and you're just a bit like when you haven't and you're just a bit... Like, when you haven't slept particularly well. Like, honestly, it will just make those first few hours easier. Don't you crash? Yeah, I've heard that the receptors of caffeine, if you leave it an hour and a half before you have your coffee, you get the benefit of the caffeine all day without having to top that up.

If you have caffeine as soon as you wake up, then by the afternoon, you're craving it again and that's when you get the crash. Interesting. I had that about an hour after I got up and I feel good.

But when I woke up this morning, I said to Will, I think I slept all night, but I woke up and I was like, ugh, could have easily just gone back to sleep for a bit. It's the same with energy drinks.

All right, drunk Dan. Energy drinks. I wake up and I'm like i really want that kick and that's why i like i don't like coffee but i love that feeling it's slightly different but it gives you the same thing on my ass i fall out my kegs i told you they had to train you but i'm also like coffee if you had cocaine you'd do so much pooing they actually cut it with baby laxative as well it's the biggest clear out ever, which is a beautiful irony. Do you want your poo in loads or are they told?

What? That's why they call it a shite. Because it makes you want one. Hang on, so he's on the shite, he's gone for the shite. If I had a sneak, use code word 10, and a coffee and a line

all at the same time that'd be me not pooing for another week you wouldn't see me for 45 minutes I'd have a real clear out you'd go and immediately poo and then it'd be him done for

a good 70s hell of a clear out alright that's one of the most beautiful ironies of being a knobhead who likes a line is when you're at a party

and there's like you know when I was young and there was girls and everything you're trying to be cool and then someone would break out some stuff and then you're like yeah and then you're trying to be cool and then someone would break out some stuff

and then you're like, yeah. And then you're at a house party and you need a brutal shit. Yeah, but I get like that if I have the Peroni that isn't gluten-free. Quite the house party guest. Where's Adam? Ruining the bathroom. What's he had? A sip of Peroni.

I'm really regular. I have a poo before I have my shower in the morning when I'm done. So I sip of Peroni. I'm really regular. I have a poo before I have my shower in the morning when I'm done. So I don't want to introduce anything that changes that. You're so solid. You're sturdy.

Yeah, get up. You're like a rock. And then have a wash. Thanks for the update. Measure your tits. Right, well, I'm just saying don't get on the shite.

It would be a weird left turn in your life if you got to this point and then just became a fucking wreckhead. Yeah, I'm going saying don't get on the shite it would be a weird left turn in your life if you got to this point and then just became a fucking wreckhead yeah I'm gonna be a wreckhead but there's gonna be a time when I start trying

stuff like that isn't there you don't wanna what yeah you don't wanna die without trying everything do you oh hang on Amsterdam

what's this no I'm not saying I'm gonna start but I'm saying I don't wanna get to 60 and go I never did any of that right well I'd throw it out there you probably don't wanna try

a lot of this stuff in your mid-50s. You know, fucking snort a big line of angina medication and then get on the shite. This is a good time for you to sort of if you want to... Let's get Carl on the shite! Oh, that'd be great. Carl, listen, I totally understand what you're saying, but

if you've set yourself a schedule of before 60, you can't leave it too late. Do you mean a show live on stage? Carl's having leave it too late. No, I'm not. The arena show, live on stage, Carl's having his first live show. Carl's going to retire in a couple of months, but he's just started getting on the shite. No, but I want to try everything before I die. I want to go to every continent,

I want to go to every country. You don't want to go, oh, I didn't do that. Right. You've got all the time in the world. Oh, let's get a little list going. Listen, I won't be able to write this down, but if you could itemise this.

Stuff on Carl's list, pre-60, are we putting that in? Yeah. Pre-61, let's start with that. Oh, no, I no i'm gonna in the next three months yeah i am shy to the arena let's make some content um what are the things you want to do tattoo yeah i want like a tattoo i nearly got one in japan on the last day but where are you gonna get it on your ass just gonna get up my ass hole yeah everyone's on your hole i was gonna get it i was gonna get a paint like me ass all painted so like it's a new coloured arsehole

like the Japanese flag yeah oh a little fried egg yeah little yellow arsehole just tattooed definitely one so if you'd open his arse

because it's like guess where I live for a year Japan it'd just look like a rash you'd do it and then you go guess where I live for a year oh actually while I'm down here

just as someone's about to eat your arse have you have you travelled oh my god have you travelled? oh my god have you gone teaching abroad? I want to do a massive like adrenaline rush thing

so whether that be like a skydive or something not a bungee jump they're fucking ridiculous they're asking to die on them I want to do some drugs have you seen the prank of the bungee jump

where they throw yeah they just hand it you? no when you jump they throw something it's nothing. Fuck that. They just hand it you? No. Oh, yeah. Okay, all right, all right. They go, wait, wait, wait, wait. Honestly, I'd have a stroke on the way down.

That would be the same as if the prank was real. For me, I would die anyway. What's the one, the slingshot, where there's two people? Have you seen the one where they just throw a bolt and go, oh, my God! Yeah, it's great. Really fuck with people who are already scared. So, Tattoo is on the card. I think we should be involved in that. Yeah. Yeah, oh, definitely we should be involved in that. Yeah it's great Really fuck with people Who are already scared So tattoo

Tattoo Is on the card I think we should be involved in that Yeah Yeah oh definitely We should be involved in that I mean I've got RIP Runty

On my butt cheek Involved in what way I think the creation We should get to pick what it is Yeah there you go That's what I was thinking No I have a

I have a testimonial To Bravis To a dead pig On my buttocks You do I think I think we should be involved at some point.

Swastika. On your left bicep. Left bicep. Nice. Quite obvious that, isn't it? Yeah. That's the one that faces the camera as well. Oh yeah.

Interesting. You just won't be able to wear your vests anymore. No vests for me. Damn it. Such a vest man as well. Yeah. Adrenaline Drugs

Tattoo Anything else What do you mean Like I want to be at a festival And not be like A broad or something With Sedeco My best mate

And go Yeah let's try it You know what I mean Rather than going Oh I'm dead And I've not done anything That's going to like Change all to me

We're going festival I don't want to be in like I don't want to be in like Fucking slims in town now Let's get you on the shite in nashville in america or on the soil nashville shite if you can source nashville shite please don't plug it i reckon we can do that nashville shite you're a lot closer to Mexico. What else can I do? Before I'm 60?

What do people do? I want to travel around from the moment you started that. I'm not adopting a child. Is that a thing you do before you die? I've got to do it before I'm 60. Or foster a child. That's not outside the realms of possibility.

Foster a kid. Give them a home for a bit. That's what outside the realms of possibility. Foster a kid. Give them a home for a bit. That's what fostering is, isn't it? Yeah. Showing them what they could have. Like bullseye. Six weeks. I'll foster for six weeks.

Do the whole summer holiday. What are the other things that people have on their bucket list? Running the bulls in Pamplona. We want to have sex in every continent and we've got two to go. Volcano boarding. Wow. Surf down a volcano. Do that.

Yeah, that could be one of the adrenaline things. Call a Mendy. What about running the Bulls? I'd love to do that. What about rescuing a hostage? Talk me through it. Find out where the hostage is being held. Yeah. And go on a one-man mission to do that. What about rescuing a hostage? Talk me through it. Find out where the hostage is being held. Yeah.

And go on a one-man mission to rescue them. Right. That'd make you feel good. Yeah. I'd love to rescue a hostage. Northern Pakistan. Someone's been taken by the fucking Taliban. ISIS or whatever.

Carl, listen. I know you're trying to get the hostage back, but I just really fancy doing a life experience. On my list? Roller coasters. In fact, I've actually done that.

Ride the world's steepest roller coaster in Japan. We've missed a fucking boat on that. We're going back next year. Big swing. I don't like heights,

so like maybe something to do with heights so you can go you've conquered it base jumping that we say see my problem with base jumping is

I feel like I get too excited trip and stumble and then not get clearance off the off the off the edge you hit the rocks

I'd be the first person to die within like eight feet you're like fucking hell he's just headbutted the side of the mountain just pick your body up

just lift me back up no say anything to do with like pointless heights I want it to be like I don't like oh I've walked on a tightrope across the Grand Canyon cycle the death road

in Bolivia on the shite god that's fucking great walk on the wing of a plane in the UK in the air though or like just while it's parked

be an engineer of a plane swim devil's pool in Victoria Falls fucking hell mate you have to go to off we go do the edge walk

a lot of these are just heights aren't they a lot of these are just related to heights it's conquering things isn't it that's London that

yeah swim with crocodiles in a cage of death shouldn't be the word death in there should there really don't in a cage of death. Shouldn't be the word death in there, should there really? Don't need a cage really, do you? Oh, that glass bridge. People who walk on glass bridges. Yeah.

Freaks. Oh no, I'd quite like to do that, I think. Would you? I'd be terrified of it, but I would like to do it. But your body lets you down. It isn't even just like your mind. Yeah. I mean, you can go to Blackpool Tower.

Your legs just go. Yeah. You want to sit on it as if that's going to help you. Yeah. You can go to Blackpool Tower. They've got a glass. Yeah. They've got a glass bottle.

I've sat on glass above the New York, above New York, essentially. When I went in January, there's a picture of me and I couldn't do it. Oh my God, it's a meme, isn't it? I look like a sex offender. Mate, nearly all of this list is just height stuff. Is that the only... It's all like... Well, it's because Steve Googled adrenaline junkie bucket list.

Right, okay. I want to do a mountain. I'd like to do Everest Base Camp, which we're looking into doing next year. What about Starz, a cockfighting ring? Starz, a cockfighting ring. His bucket list is pretty... This isn't mine.

It's what I think Carl I don't want to go I don't want to go swimming with sharks I want to fucking swat a dolphin what about that

where's that make your own bucket list going to submarine yeah I mean again the sea is one of my foes isn't it

so become a loan shark yours is so weird swim with loan sharks what about that you owe me four grand well I'll see you down the swimming pool

we're doing that as a sketch by the way so I'm just gonna go you owe me that money lad can you actually start writing the sketch ideas down because we need we need to do this

some dying kid oh swim with loan sharks would be so funny you know you don't swim with sharks if you die that's like the dign Oh, swim with loan sharks would be so funny. You know, you don't swim with sharks if you're dying. That's like the Dignitas version. Swim with dolphins was in my head. And I was like,

little Timmy's dying, buddy. He wants to swim with sharks. Talk about not trusting the NHS. I want to go on safari. But I think that's going to happen pretty soon. I don't want to get to 60 when you're kind of like

debilitated and you can't do anything and go... You know what I mean? If you've not done anything, you getting 60 is going to look great. You're going to be dead healthy. Waking up every morning

having a healthy plot showing off. When you get to a certain age and you can't even get on a plane because they won't insure you. That must be awful, that. Right. That's not 60 though, is it?

No, but it's close. Alright, okay. You know what I mean? Take part in an armed robbery oh a small independent business have a word in in southside la yeah yeah yeah compton yeah yeah yeah i just i don't i want i don't get to the end of my life and um regret not doing stuff right and drugs is one of them win a Tony award you need to

you need to crack on with that no I don't I'm 30 yeah you do need to crack on with winning a Tony award though oh yeah that one yeah yeah yeah no I don't

I've got loads of time to win a Tony award what one's the is that TV in America no it's it's Broadway it's Broadway it's musical theatre.

Right. Take a shit on the stage at Hamilton. I'll do that. Or I'd like to do something like Streak.

Something like Naughty. Like that. That is a weirdly specific one on this list. Dance with Ellen DeGeneres. She's a bitch. And then do the hula.

With Ellen DeGeneres. The two in one then do the hula with Ellen DeGeneres the two in one yeah something illegal like streaking get swag where would you like to I don't know like the FA Cup final no

why would you want everyone to hate you no one likes the streakers do they they ruin the game no I'm doing it at half time alright

yeah cool just get your cock out of Wembley put that on a list have you not got anything that you want to do in the next no I just want to do all yours I'll do it at halftime. All right. Yeah, cool. Get your cock out at Wembley. Put that on a list. Have you not got anything that you want to do in the next? No, I just want to do all yours. They're fucking great. Go streaking.

Yeah, do it. That sounds really good. But high-risk streaking. Go on. Like some government thing in Russia. That's it, yeah. And an organisation of a new president. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

At a Putin press conference, you streak. He's a cunt! Say how long it is. Conspire to assassinate a world leader. There you go. I just want to be dead. I want to know yours. You must have some,

because you're 41. Host a dinner party. I haven't done that yet, but I'm hosting Christmas this year, so does that count? No. Does it need does that count? No. Does it need to be couples? Yeah.

Okay. That's not on your... What are you talking about? That can't be on your bucket list. Host a dinner party. It's my bucket list that I'm curating for Carl, so I can be whatever I want, actually.

Come round 7pm. Thank you guys for being involved in my lifelong dream. I like it, though. Murderer, yuck. You're cubo. you guys for being involved in my lifelong dream i like it though i think go hunting is one of mine go hunting no definitely definitely now we've got big bunk big book hunter out there bunk yeah oh before i was playing fifa and i was playing big book hunter i was like the games of our generation i'm shooting at a screen with a fake gun loved it absolutely love it

I just want if I go hunting which I do want to do you're not going to I want clarification on what animal I'm allowed to hunt because you two

are very fucking touchy you've got to be able to batter it what? you've got to be able to batter it without the gun so you can't hunt it

with a gun no that's not true is it because then that includes fucking squirrels and dogs no he can't shoot it with a gun he's going to batter is it because then that includes fucking squirrels and dogs no he can't shoot it with a gun he's going to bat it

to death oh no I don't want to go hunting with these yeah so it won't be anything big he can only bat it like a vol

if we said vols or like a squirrel or a mortar just let me know what I'm allowed to go shooting surely you have some

like we were in bed for two hours you can shoot a car that's on it's way to an abattoir that's it that's actually humane what do you like a car Jack like we were in bed you can shoot a cow that's on its way to an abattoir that's it that's actually humane what do you mean

like a car jack like we're trying to get a prisoner out of like a convoy like Pablo Escobar out of his fucking prison convoy yeah

fucking like loads of us but you've got to eat all of the cow that's the only way I'm okay with hunting yeah is if the animal's going to die anyway

and you eat all of it and it doesn't go to waste two fucking meat eaters I am, honestly, when it comes to meat, I'm very, very ethical. Yeah, but in my... You eat battery farm chicken

all the time. Yeah, but in my head, the meat in my head, the meat chicken and the animal chicken are two completely different things. I've never seen them in the same room.

That's called bullshit, isn't it? What? That's called bullshit. You don't know that for sure. You've never killed a chicken, Annetta. So I'm allowed to kill battery farm chicken as long as I put them

in your nuggets yeah that wouldn't be dead good would it when they're all in a cage like they've got no feathers they're all like

end it they'd be literally screaming out do it Dan fucking do it but you've got to do it with your chickens do it Dan

do it Dan put me out of my fucking misery you wee prick Fucking end it Go go go go No you've got to go hunting But with your hands

That's the rule No I want to go hunting with a gun No That sounds way better No So you can't kill like a rhino Unless you can choke it out No I don't want to kill a rhino

What do you want to kill? The meat's very chewy Surely there's some animal That's like a fucking Just a bit of a nut I'd love to I just I want to get Chewy. Surely there's some animal that's like a fucking, just a bit of a nut. I'd love to. I just,

I want to get, I don't want to piss anyone off. But what, what food do you eat? And then I'll go and kill that and then it's sounding it because you eat it so I can kill it. Cool.

And she's not on the street. Off to Spain. No, you're not allowed to kill any animal with a gun just don't go hunting it's horrible stop eating meat

why it's not the same you're not eating meat and wanting to hunt you're wasting us yeah I'm trying to call out the minimum the minimum

you don't know how to turn a cow into beef give it a try you don't know I'll start with a gun pow where would you shoot her

in the head yeah that's the most humane not the leg no don't bloat you can't kneecap a cow they're looking in the eyes as it struggles for life

why would you paramilitary attack on a fucking cow it's a catholic cow yeah I think Adam's right. You can't kill it with a gun. You have to be able to turn it into edible things. Right. A Solero.

Yeah. Traditional hunting weapons? A boomerang. Yeah, you've got to use a boomerang. You're allowed then. You can kill anything with a boomerang if you want. Tell you what, you can't have a gun but you can have a spear. Well, I'm taking that to Scotland. You go spear hunting.

Right, I'm into it. All right, cool. Well, you animal rights activists over here, you let me know what is an okay hunt. I think what it is is... What about in Australia where they've got a wild boar problem and they're literally killing...

What's the problem? The problem is they fucking shag like wild boars. They're everywhere. They kill them with machine guns out there. What's the problem with the wild boar? Is it us? We're the problem. We're complaining.

We can fuck off. No, because they're just... They're ransacking the land and it's like... Yeah, so it's their land. Kill the people. Yeah. You can go people hunting in Australia if you want. Too many of them.

Fucking right. There you go. That makes sense. to their land to kill the people yeah you can go people hunting in Australia if you want too many of them fucking right there you go makes sense I'm just going to go and kill someone that's what I I fucking love animals I hate people

but it's Australia it definitely has to be a boomerang for the irony what did you do what did you do the dramatic irony let's have a break

I think it's because you're able sorry let's a break. I think it's because you're able. Sorry. Let's have a break. I think it's because you've got the ability to, like, it's the emotion for me and him. I couldn't kill something and look at it. Yeah. It's not like, oh, it's meat.

Sort of makes you hypocrites a little bit, doesn't it? The whole world's hypocritical. Yeah. Hey! Hypocritical. I'll kill a hippo. You fat fucking Great swat The thing is though

All the meat we eat Is already dead Because you want to eat it No It's already on the shelves No you're the demand You're the reason You're the reason

It's on the shelves But if we don't eat it It died for nothing Cool Cool Like it Right now There's still beef in Tesco

And I'm not there You know what I mean And some beef goes to waste If we stopped eating it there'd just be more going to waste. So you need to eat more beef. Yeah.

You need to empty... That's a great way to get fat. Join our whoop challenge where we eat all the beef we can find. You know, because we're animal activists. You're on your third steak

because I love animals. Yeah, I love stalking cows. I'm eating them. Can we have a break now yes I think you've been really hypocritical

what's happening lads as you might have noticed when we moved into the new studio we've upped our game signage wise it's not just a fucking

sticker on the wall anymore we've got these beautiful light up signs courtesy of brandgraphics.co.uk that's graphics with an x

that's g-r-a-p-h-i-x brandgraphics.co.uk that's graphics with an x that's g-r-a-p-h-i-x brandgraphics.co.uk if you're looking to get a sign like this made they also did the decal the sticker in the original studio you can go to them for all your signage needs they helped us they've provided these to the new studio we wouldn't have been able to get them without them they've sorted us out they can sort you out as well uh please go and support them they've supported us that's brand graphics with an x.co.uk you like them as well dan don't you yep hey we're back we're back we're back part two of four i'm about to announce my tour for 2023 dan nightingale special so look out for that in the next week or two.

I think I should probably focus on getting my special out before you get yours out. And I reckon I should probably start putting a tour together. I've got a meeting next week with a promoter. When are you thinking of doing it? I'm doing mine September, October, November 2023. Again, because it's worked so well this time. I might be at the exact same time.

I also might be in the spring following it cool i'm adding new places um i'm going to sheffield lester carlisle um lincoln grimsby oh come on brighton warwick so everywhere we've done on the tour this time plus more and some bigger rooms in Edinburgh so watch out for that if you want to watch this year's tour Smasher

there's two dates left with tickets Tuesday the 15th in Manchester at the Frog and Tuesday the 22nd these are extra shows

that were added because it's of November so dannightingale.com I am ready to say new things

I'm looking forward to filming it though there's a couple of tickets left for the afternoon but I'm not bothered really has it bloated?

what? has the show bloated? little bit but I also I just I just made it stronger I didn't want it to go to an hour and twenty

so the second half is about fifty 55 minutes on the really good nights. It's an hour in Colwyn Bay. It was 49. Next year. I won't be doing Colwyn Bay. I'm doing just to see, just to see the tits. Yeah. We'll be selling trill. Yeah. Shrill Wait I just heard that good Shrill Shrill Shrill Yeah

We'll be selling Trill Yeah I've got a meeting with My promoter Or a potential new promoter To On the 8th and the 9th Do you want to do it next year?

Or do you want to just take longer? I don't know Because there's the double edged sword with it Where I want my next tour To be better than the one I've just done, as you always do. Stronger, tighter, whatever. And the more you do material...

Do you know what it was for me? And this is not in a self-aggrandising way or a cocky way. I watched recently, because I was looking to pull a couple of clips out, a bit of Club Comic, the special that I've already got on YouTube. So if you're new to the podcast, you don't know about that. I've already got a special on YouTube. It's called Adam Rowe Club Comic. It was shot November 2019 at the Comedy Store in London.

When I filmed it, I didn't really know what I was doing with the footage. I just filmed a night at the Comedy Store, essentially, and did two different sets. And then during the pandemic, I was like, oh, well, when we come out of the pandemic, I'm not going to want to do these jokes anymore, so I'll release it as a special. I'm just on absolute fire as a comic.

Because you've had so many gigs, so many months, so many years. Yeah, I'm just completely club and gig fit. I've obviously just come off an Edinburgh run. I think I'd just come to the end of the first leg of a tour all of which that material is from every there's a big punch line every 20 seconds and i just know the ins and outs of the routine like the back of my hand it's fire and i don't think i think my last tour was very very good you know everyone enjoyed it and loved it whatever i think maybe the material on the more and the concepts on the recent tour which will go to the special soon are all better than the stuff on club comic but i think me as a comic and the form i'm on i don't think i've been as good as

i am on that since the pandemic i'm doing a tour again next year because if you do your first tour in 20 years it is like opening up it's just amazing it's like a fucking box of chocolates just going oh i'll have that i'll have this is new that's old it was amazing putting the tour together and i've gone through my new material and some of my old stuff and i'll be ready by september well july when i'm previewing it because i've got some old gems that i can dust off and re-up after that i won't be able to do that again so you're in the position that i'll be in in a year where i'll have to just write all new stuff yeah but like I'm doing a tour straight after the other tour because I'm enjoying this momentum but I've I'm also able to just go

through a back catalogue because I don't have any specials I've never done a tour but I've got 20 years of experience not that I'm just using old stuff but I know exactly what you mean come the end of that tour next year 2023 i'll have to have a few years off because i want to get everything up to speed yeah it'll be interesting to see what i what i decide to do after these meetings because i also have to think of i get bored of my stuff so i don't want to start writing a tour in january and then be doing that stuff the january following when it starts order do you know what I mean yep so there's a double

edged sword and I need to make a decision but that will be an informed decision with a team rather than just trying to do

everything myself as I did this year Dan Nightingale dot com for the tickets for November Chester Manchester

Liverpool still got some tickets available thank you to everyone that's come this year I've loved doing the show

it'll be filmed in November in Chester and it'll be out I think second week of January I'm just going to go for the lull where no one's doing anything and whack it out on a sunday tea time i'll put it on the have a word channel if that's all right yeah i'm going to put mine there absolutely yes um awesome shall we do some questions um this is from liam duggan sup gang got a question for you if you were a multi-billionaire we're talking elon or bezos money what would your passion passion project be let's assume that you

were allowed to do it the necessary people were willing to work with you i'm not talking about buying a football club or something that could be a business just to fuck it this sounds good thing i'd pedestrianize the shit out of every city in the uk myself up the fucking toffees yes liam duggan says if you've got 10 billion to throw at something and charity's done in it i mean we can be you can't be that guy and be like i just go to charity are you in favor of pedestrianizing every city in the UK? No, he set up the toffees. Oh. City centres? Or like every... City centres?

Cambridge is mainly pedestrianised. It's amazing. I think it pretty much is. Like the centres and the shopping centre. No, there's a bit of it. But you need the cars, I think, for the city to feel like a city.

Have you ever been to Wigan? Hang on. Not for any shopping. feel like a city. Have you ever been to, like, Wigan? Hang on, hang on, hang on. Not for any shopping. Liverpool is pedestrianised. Liverpool city centre's pedestrianised. Yeah. You can't drive through it. You've got to drive around the city centre, haven't you?

Yeah, but you need all that bit as well. There is ways to get through. Oh, no, I mean, yeah, you're not, like, the whole of town. You've got to be able to drive around it, but towns where you can't drive through the middle are much better. Cambridge this weekend, just gone,

was fucking amazing. They just, you can't get in the city centre. There's people cycling. It's just really nice. Works great, I think. Venice, there's no cars there.

Not allowed. It's great. There's too much water, isn't there? Yeah. There's pathways as well. I think they should ban the boats. Do you imagine just going through it? There's a swim everywhere. should ban the boats pedestrian do you imagine just

going through just on the speedboat if you just got a speedboat in and just fucking tore it up well I wonder this what do you do for an ambulance there

there's both ambulances there's a water ambulance yeah I know but like they surely can't be as fast there's a gondola guy going neenar neenar neenar it's just him shouting his nan

she's just like the fair dada road I don't know passion project Elon Musk's space isn't it Bezos' space as well

I suppose because once you've got a billion or multiple billions space is the only like you get bored of the earth don't you

yeah they're trying to name the moon aren't they name Mars or basically be the first oligarch of Mars. Fuck off.

I'd turn the Grand Canyon into a water park. Nice. Ooh, I like it. Nice. I suppose Liam did say everyone's allowed. Yeah. Just a fucking, just a massive log fluke. How would you, would there be a safety,

any sort of safety precautions? Yeah, into water, of course there would. There'd be members of staff, there'd be those fellas at the top going, wait, wait. All right, cool, cool, cool. Some of would be members of staff there'd be those fellas at the top going wait wait alright cool cool some of them push you

because that's the problem that'd be the problem with the Grand Canyon hitting someone else we're not mad we let everyone die you know in a rhythm

it'd be very very safe it'd be you know all regulated we'd get health and safety in the hygiene board we'd run it properly the hygiene board get them in the famous Canadian hygiene board the'd run it properly the hygiene board get them in

the famous Canadian hygiene board the Grand Canyon in Canada oh you're thinking of Niagara Falls I'm thinking of

Niagara Falls no no no no I thought it was the water park I was completely confused there I thought it was the water park

the Grand Canyon I want to turn that into a water park bringing our own slides it's not just like going down a waterfall that would be fucking mental Dan

oh sorry you'd never get that past the hygiene board everyone was going Dan what the fuck are you on about the hygiene board the hygiene board

of Canada like what are we doing here eh did you see that that spider who stopped that Paramount theme park opening the spider

yeah why maybe I'm misremembering but recently that Paramount theme park opening? Spider? Yeah. Why? Maybe I'm misremembering but recently Joe Paramount they tried to open a theme park in the UK but there was a spider

one singular spider found on the grounds and because it's a rare species of spider it's halted it's halted building of the entire I could have shot that spider.

You could have shot that. You've got rare jumping spiders that are building on 2 billion Paramount theme park. So because it's halted building of the entire I could have shot that spider you could have shot that you got rare jumping spiders that are building on 2 billion Paramount theme park so because it's there look at the state of that cunt though

he needs shooting can't shoot spiders oh I'd love to shoot a spider look at his horrible little face what a face like a dog oh they're horrible if they were any bigger

they'd try and rule the world so that small stop the 2 billion theme park happening so he's talking about the hygiene board it's a thing you do have to say on shit the hygiene board it's a thing you do have to

say on shit. The hygiene board have a say on spider preservation. No but what I'm saying is these boards do have a

big swing. Yeah but Liam Duggan's given us a pass on this he's like everyone's playing ball. No I'm not going I'm not

breaking any regulation. What if Liam fucks off and I'm left with dealing with. What if Liam fucks off? And I'm left dealing with the hygiene board? Died? Is it federal? Federal or state?

Is it federal? No, it's neither. After spending me fortune opening the Grand Canyon Water World, the hygiene board come along and go, Liam's gone and you're fucked. Hang on, the unclassified hygiene board. You can't find where they're based. They're like... They've got no phone number.

Do you know what companies don't have phone numbers? Black Ops hygiene board you can't find where they're based they're like they've got no phone number do you know what I mean companies don't have phone numbers black ops hygiene board yeah just turn up infrared goggles cunt the FBH aren't they the Federal Bureau of Hygiene

FBH where do you get the water from what where do you get the water from the sea yeah you can like drill a hole in it so it all just flows in I mean water used to be there we could get it again surely no you just get it water from? The sea? Yeah. You can like drill a hole in it so it all just flows in.

I mean, water used to be there. You could get it again, surely. No, you usually get it from the sea, don't you? How far is it from the sea? Grand Canyon. Yeah, that's quite close. I tell you what, I'll meet you halfway. You can have the water from Niagara Falls.

There you go. It's right fucking next to it. It's in Southport. But you've got to clean that. What the fuck are you looking at? Oh my God. Are you looking at oh my god are you looking at the Grand Canyon

in Southport that was an amazing it's right next to it it's no idea fucking hell it's only about 20 miles that is a little bit

of a way so we're gonna need some socks here right why don't you have the water from the Niagara Falls you can have it

it's further away Dan this is a logistical nightmare I'm gonna make Niagara Falls into a beautiful sort of like arid

you know canyon sort of situation you're just going to switch them yeah yeah yeah long as the FBH are alright I'm opening Rowey's Splash Party at the Grand Canyon

wow that sounds like sex Rowey's Splash Party it always is when I use me fingers right Grand Canyon's his arsehole yeah see that's what it's like 34 hours by car and we're 2200 miles so with my 10 bill yeah see i'm getting all the water from off the coast of san francisco gizda go the other way what c is that the pacific

what pacific yeah that's pacific c that's where i want to get it from use that one yeah cool 10 bill i would like uh like a state police like a a police force that don't deal with crime or not necessarily like like police crime they just deal with people being cunts and just go around sorting that out that's police community support officers isn't it nah people anyone like uber drivers who just fucking park wherever they want they have a little crane to just fucking flip the car into the pavement for being a knobhead just amazing people who are rude to the staffing places the fucking cunt police come in i'd post a sniper on every bridge on every motorway in the UK.

Yeah. And they had to shoot every middle lane driver. I like that. Anyone who's mean to animals that isn't hunting. Cunt police? Fucking twatted. Just go and fucking smack them.

This could also be an ITV drama, I think, the cunt police. That's changed the name. People who litter do like fucking anything. They would have to change the name. Twat police litter do my fucking head in they would have to change the name

the twat police right what time are you putting this on 4am 8am it's a breakfast show does it rival

paw patrol yeah but it's for adults it's for adults who get up for work but don't have kids what's it called the twat police

the twat police yeah do they do updates or do they actually film it all no it's a drama to get up for work but don't have kids. What's it called? The twat police. The twat police. Yeah. What, they do updates or they actually film it all? No, it's a drama. Oh, it's a drama. It's not a documentary. Okay.

It's a drama. It's like The Bill. When's it going out? It's two former cops who are now the twat police. Yeah. And they've got rights. Twat police.

No, they're billionaires. No, they're like, they're a government body. So they've got authority. Justat police. No, they're billionaires. No, they're like, they're a government, like, body. So they've got authority. Just dealing with knobheads. Totally. And it's based in Warwickshire.

Warwickshire. Warwickshire. What's their punishment? What do they get to do? They can hand out fines, but they've also got licence to use force. Oh, no,

they don't just hand out fines. They literally take your money out of your wallet. Yeah. Yeah, it's a fine. They can just, they can just like handcuff you to like lampposts and that and leave you there i think one of the twat things is having a wallet so a bit of a yeah a bit of a loop out of it oh well here's the twist one of them is from brooklyn hello hello yeah It's from Brooklyn. Hello. Hello. Hello. And how would that go?

It's a Johnny Officer. What? Johnny Officer. Is he from the West Midlands? It's Detective Obvious. Oh, he's back. Oh! He's just, he wanted a quiet retirement,

so he's gone to form the TWAT police. In Warwickshire. Yeah. Where's he based? Leamington Spa. Yeah. No, but they travel nationwide because there's he based? Leamington Spa? Yeah. No, but they travel nationwide because there's just two of them.

They travel nationwide. That's Warwickshire's good. It's central, isn't it? Exactly. They've got a cab cover. So they get a phone call and it's like someone's being a cunt in Sunderland.

Ring, ring. It's Niall Quinn. Yeah. And then he's like, get the fucking helicopter. We've got to get up to Sunderland someone's parked in a disabled bay

and they got both their legs right right Father O'Leary come in oh no that's out of order

that not all not all disabilities are visible but he sounds like a proper fucking not a ass mate no one will be able to go to work they'd be enthralled what how long are the episodes are visible but he sounds like a proper fucking cunt. Not a arse mate.

No one would be able to go to work. They'd be enthralled. What? How long are the episodes? Two hours. Two hours? Eight till ten? Who's going to work

at that time? I'm up for half seven. You keep being late for work. That's not my fault. TWAT police is enthralling. An hour and a half of it was a helicopter journey.

Fucking hell. Father-in-law lady. It's like 24 half of it was a helicopter journey. Fucking hell. Father O'Leary. It's like 24. It's filmed in real time. Tick, tock. Still on a fucking helicopter. How fast, Sunderland? Still smoking.

What? Yeah, yeah. We're the fucking, owned by a billionaire, this company. It's gaff. Fucking nice. Bang out of order, that.

When we get there, we're going to get this car, we're going to move it to a proper bay. One near the back of the car park. Yeah, smash it up a bit though as well.

Yeah, we'll break his wing mirrors so it's harder for him to reverse. It's not that number. We'll just ask for forgiveness. Nice one.

Oh, fucking. Just open the window there, lad. Fuck off. Two hours. A day? Every day? No, just midweek. the window there, lad. Fuck off. Two hours. A day? Every day? No, just midweek.

Yeah, no. Every day. Every day? Extended episodes on Sundays. No. No. There's an omnibus. Oh, God.

What a word, by the way. That's what you call the helicopter. Get in the fucking omnibus. Sorry, Carl. Can we have a rewind on your New York? Get in the fucking omnibus. Sorry, Carl. Can we have a rewind on your New York... Get in the fucking Omnibus. Dick Van Dyke from Mary Poppins. Om-de-lee-lee-lee, om-de-lee-lee-lee.

You're the helicopter pilot. Get in the fucking helicopter. Detective obvious father O'Leary. Is it Arnest Jane? How many fucking helicopter crashes are you moving in we haven't actually started the engine what's he doing you're kidding me oh lord there's a guy up in dundees just skipped in the queue in greg fuck. He wants a hot pasty before they run out. We'll be right there. Hold them there.

Don't let them out the building. RBS and Leary are on the way. Oh, Leary. Where are you? Because Dundee's going to trip. Hey, we're halfway. We're in Sunderland. Are you on in our new Concorde helicopter?

Concorde helicopter. Who flies that? Me. What's my name? I don't know what else to know. Alan. Officer. Officer Alan.

Captain. Name's Alan. Alan. A-L-A-N-A-L-L-E-A. I'm Captain Alan. Yeah. And I fly the Concorde helicopter. Can we call you Double A?

Because I'm a cajol. Get Double A on the phone. We need the Concorde helicopter. We got to get to Dundee. we need the Concord helicopter we gotta get to Dundee step the Concord yep

yes yes the Concord we get to Dundee where Dundee I'm going to Dundee this con's fucking flying

alright lad I'm the pilot helicopter pilot with a steering wheel fuck I know you don't know what the Concord helicopter look like it's gonna be innovative it's With a steering wheel I don't know You don't know what to call A helicopter It's going to be innovative

It's called a steering wheel Automatic Speed round What was that question? I can't remember The Grand Canyon one Oh yeah What would you do with the Grand Canyon

If you had unlimited water and slides? With maintenance police There you go Answer Ian Lewis says Howdy Lids Nice simple question for you with the Grand Canyon if you had unlimited water and slides. With maintenance police? There you go. Answer. Ian Lewis says Howdy Lits. Nice simple question for you.

If you could add you cunt to the end of any movie quote what would you pick? For example my name is Inigo Antoia.

You killed my father. Prepare to die. You add me a hello. You cunt. You add me a hello. You're you add me a hello you're a wizard you cunt you're a wizard you cunt i'm a wizard you cunt i'm a what you cunt you're looking at me you cunt that. That actually works quite well. You're my gale. Forrest Gump. Run, Forrest. Run.

You cunt. You cunt. Can you get some of the most famous movie quotes up? Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn. You cunt. I'm the king of the world. You cunt. I'll be back.

You cunt. You're going to need a bigger world, you cunt. I'll be back, you cunt. You're going to need a bigger boat, you cunt. No, I am your father, you cunt. A martini shaken, not stirred, you cunt. This is the best game I've ever done. You cunt. This is the best game I've ever done. Just keep swimming, you cunt.

That changes Finding Nemo. You cunt. That'll do, pig. That'll do, you cunt. Here's Johnny, you cunt. I saw one the other day and it was our bellend to a film to ruin it. Oh, hang on slow it down

I love what she's having you cunt have you done the bellend one what's the bellend one you have bellend to a movie name to ruin it like the philosopher's bellend

that was too fun I thought but yeah do the bellend one give me a bellend That was too fun. Do the bellend one. Give me a bellend. To movie names? Yeah, ruin a movie name with the word bellend. Twelve angry... Twelve angry bellends. Bellend of the lambs.

Goodwill bellend. There will be bellends. Raging bull bellend. shindler's bellend it's a very different film bellend club snakes on a bellend american bellend field of bellends the longest bell the longest bellend full metal bellend Field of Bellend. The longest Bellend.

The longest Bellend. Full metal Bellend. Gone with the Bellend. A nightmare on Bellend. Requiem for a Bellend. Oh, God. Bellend pie. Faisal Bellend. Saving Ryan's Bellend.

Faisal Bellend. That's the film section. Ladies and gents, the film section. The fatal bellend. That's the film section. Ladies and gents, the film section. The dark bellend. That's Carl's. That one's purple. Thank you for that, Ian Lewis.

Matthew Rutter says, what's happening, Lids? Got a question for you all i'm currently planning my wedding and trying to organize the catering and i've made a point of requesting plain white crockery my insistence on this has led to um has led to me having to explain to my fiancee that since i was young i've always had a weird phobia of pattern plates to the point where i'll refuse to eat anything that's come into contact with one. I can't explain how or why this is.

And the only remotely similar thing I've ever been able to find online that's similar is that Billy Bob Thornton has a phobia of antiques. Weather spoons is like some sort of horror scene whenever I pop in for a pint. Are there any weed phobias you lot have or know of anyone that has one that to the vast majority of people

would seem utterly bizarre love the pod and patriot content cheers Matt that Billy Bob thought one is fantastic because there must be like

a specific day where something goes from just being a bit old to being an antique which means one day he's absolutely fine and the next day he's terrified

also surely someone has to verify being an antique so he could come into contact with something. Also, surely someone has to verify it being an antique. So he could come into contact with something and be fine. But when someone tells him it's an antique, he takes it to David Dickinson. He's like, I found this. What is it?

And he's like, oh, this is just like an old pot. He's like, oh, nice sound. What about this? That's an antique watch. Ah! Is this just old or what? So Matthew is, we've done weird phobias before

but I felt like it was noteworthy on plain white crockery is a shit band that is plain white bellend

to be to have a fear of pattern plates and to just need to have plain white crockery is next level it's got to be, to have a fear of pattern plates and to just need to have plain white crockery is next level, isn't it? It's got to be linked to something, hasn't it? You must have eaten something bad off her. I can't believe you've not told your missus

that you're getting married like you've just held back the crockery fear for the whole time. Yeah, you've got to tell her that. She'll still love you. Yeah. You've got to go to therapy and figure out what could happen to you.

Yeah. Something's gone on. He's been bummed while he's having food off a pattern plate or something. But he's not afraid of getting bummed. Not scared of that.

He's blocked it out, hasn't he? Yeah. He's blocked it out. Maybe he's scared of getting bummed as well. Don't bum anyone against their will

while they're eating. I mean, that's extra layers of rude, isn't it? Yeah, leave me alone, will I be? Just to clarify, don't bum Carl against his will while he's eating. Correct. But I mean that's extra layers of rude isn't it Yeah leave me alone will I be Just to clarify Don't bum Carl against his will while he's eating

Correct See that one Tyra Banks is scared of dolphins That's not a phobia for me Because that's so easily avoidable Just don't get in water with dolphins I've got a phobia of dolphins if they're in my bed I've got a phobia of

Murderers with chainsaws. Yeah. Yeah. I don't like lawnmowers. Khloe Kardashian is scared of belly buttons. I hate belly buttons. You can't touch mine

and I won't touch... And I don't want to touch yours. When I'm in the shower, I wear hand mitts and scream every time I wash my belly button. Wow. Say it again.

That's weird, isn't it? You scared of lawnmowers? It was a joke. Liam Payne's scared of spoons, which also means he's scared of soup. Do you know what's scared of spoons? No, he's not. These are all attention-seeking.

See, I'm not so much scared of spoons. I'll hold one, but I don't like eating with them. If they're not my spoons, if that makes sense. He's been fingered by your daughter. Again, it's just, there are phobias that totally make sense. I think if you're scared of octopus and jellyfish, it's just common sense. They're fucking horrible.

House plants is... House plants? If it's outside of the horse, he loves it. She looks like she's got a phobia of fucking they are dirty if I have to touch one then it freaks me out

honestly I can't go near them people are fucking mental aren't they Sarah Pilsen clowns bees and tiny holes right okay

they're all normal clowns get scared as you get older horses horses are kind of scary Jennifer Aniston being underwater that's all

because you would drown if you were there for long enough. Antigua Furniture. Chewing Gum. Cara Sedgwick, Talking Food. I've never seen any. Megan Fox,

Dry Paper. What? What? All paper. Well, who wants wet paper? You can either wipe your arse. She's an actress. What does she read the scripts off?

How do you get to that point if you're scared of dry paper? Someone else wipes it for you. Nice. I've been afraid of... Go up again. I've been afraid of the dark all of my life. I leave the lights on all of the time

and if the light is off, I have to run across the room and get to the switch. I mean, you should not be running across a room which has got no lights on. I can't walk through a dark room. You can't walk through a dark room but you can run through them.

Megan Fox is it's different when you're that fit though isn't it she's just making it up she has to get her scripts laminated that's fucking insane mad clothes hangers

no wonder her clothes are always creased I've always thought they were Carly Minogue raccoons Katie Holmes is scared of raccoons yeah there's a lot of weirdos toilets

Lisa Norris is scared of toilets dirty bitch boll, there's a lot of weirdos. Toilets. Is it hard to scare the toilets? Dirty bitch. Bollocks. No, she's not. She sits on them every day. Yeah, but she poos on the floor. She does it.

She poos on the floor. Crying her eyes out in fear, Carl. What's she scared of? Hell, I'm not even scared of phones. You're talking shit. There's one in your handbag at all times. Porcelain dolls. See, there isn't one of them in your handbag.

Oh. Seagulls. That's common Eggs Yeah I'm not I've not got a phobia of eggs I just don't want to eat them

Tennis balls A lot of these are You're not Guys you're not reading out Who and what You're just going Tennis balls Matt Damon

Fucking eggs Matt Damon's scared of tennis balls Peter D's scared of toes He's got loads of them I somehow get to see The toe on the first day It's mandatory I may not go for a kiss My Damon's scared of tennis balls. Peter D is scared of toes. He's got loads of them. I somehow get to see the toe on the first day. It's mandatory. I may not go for a kiss, but I'm definitely going to see if that second toe is long.

Oh, it's in shallow holler. It doesn't want to be longer than the big toe. It's a thing, no? It's a very vacuous thing. Mad. I don't think there's anything that... Not that level. I'm genuinely scared of stuff that lives underwater, but I just don't think that's a ph not that level i'm genuinely scared of stuff that

lives underwater but i just don't think that's a phobia i think that's absolute common sense if you're in the water and fucking octopus and jellyfish are everywhere get out you're also scared of food aren't you you have got a phobia with food a little bit but it's not to the point where i see it and go i just don't want to eat it. Because in my head, I just never got past that. You know when you're like, oh, I think that's going to taste disgusting. I can't try it. That's what I'm bad at.

It's kind of a phobia, but a real phobia is if you, so say, what was that fish that, is it yellow haddock? Oh yeah, it stinks. Oh man, if you stick that in front of me, I would really struggle to take a slice of that and eat it, chew it and swallow it without gipping because that is horrifying but if you put yellow haddock down i'm like i'm not like shitting it because there's yellow haddock on the i just i'm i think it's horrible

yeah you're gonna enjoy your roast dinner though there's no yellow haddock no yellow haddock in your roast no chicken roasties weirdly parsnips I'm not scared of going into Braavissimo and making an absolute dick of myself scared of yellow haddock but not

of getting thrown out of Braavissimo let's see what happens alright lids time to talk about whoop we've had these a few weeks now

we're doing the 8 week fitness challenge I've not done loads of it the boys are getting well into it they've been playing ping pong getting competitive I see a load of lids on the leaderboard trying to win i'm just trying to see my 60th birthday this is helping you get to track recovery strain sleep i'm doing really well on sleep i don't know if you know i'm doing out of everyone

doing the best on sleep which is weird because i've got young kids. Turns out Laura's putting a shift in. So if you want to get involved, if you want to try Whoop, go to join.whoop.com slash have a word to get started. Once you're up and running, you want to become part of the community. All the lids are in a massive sort of leaderboard

of who's doing what. You don't even have to get that competitive with it. People are messaging. It's support. you might enjoy it. Use this code, C-O-M-M slash H-V-A-W-R-D, as you can see on screen, and then you get to join in on all that fun. If you check out using the link, you'll also get a free month's Woot membership, thanks to the Have A Word podcast. This will allow you to get started for zero pounds, for for nothing and with our 30 day return window you can essentially try before you buy really good the whole recovery

thing is interesting the strain thing is interesting tracking your sleep is good i'm a big fan give it a go join whoop and see me lose me little boobs hi guys do you like clothes do you like wearing them i do do as well. Sometimes shopping for them is a pain in the ass. You know why? Because of other stupid humans. If you go on the internet and talk to a robot, they'll pick out clothes for you. And this is a very stylish robot. So go online stitchfix.co.uk slash word, set all your likes your dislikes what you're into what you usually wear and they'll send you a loads of clobber like this i got mine i think you'll agree i'm looking pretty good uh especially with my shoes check out these shoes they've still got

the sticker on now but i'm taking them off next time i go to a wedding uh you pay just 10 pound each time you order which is credited towards the items you keep, and you'll get 20% off when you keep all five items. There's no subscription required, you just get some stylish clothes through the post, which includes no stupid human contact. Get started today at stitchfix.co.uk slash words and get 20% off when you keep all five items. That's stitchfix.co.uk slash word. For 20% off when you keep all five items in your fix. Go ahead. Get stylish. Ignore the humans.

See you. Jonathan Bongathon's back. We're back. Johnny Bungal Hey class How are ya Guys what a spot What a place

It's alright innit Hey I'm very impressed It's very very nice And I can't believe We found this place On an industrial estate In Skemansdale The fact that this place

Was here Shh Don't tell me We're in a bunker It took me ages to get here No it's class I love it So nice

So clean So fresh It is What do you get What do you Like this is the third time I've been on I feel blessed

But do you get something Well and truly hall of famer Because you've been on the couch before You should have locked in with us When we got swatted Well I didn't think I'd get invited back after What happened in that

Locked in In that locked Locked on Locked in You're not throwing got swatted well i didn't think i'd get invited back after what happened in that lock like in that locked locked on lock in you're not throwing your ninja stars at the electronic ones he he was gone i was gone he was like oh the last section the last section car crash but you know what like i was so surprised that you just put that out but then i get it now yeah i get the sort of because that was for the Patreons, wasn't it? So it's, I see the business model now.

It's about promo. Yeah. That's exactly what it is. The people that aren't on Patreon. Yeah. If you're not a Patreon, you're missing out. I ate ham for 40 minutes.

And who doesn't want to watch that? A whole block of cheese. Yeah. And stormed off. Was that 4.0? Have a look at 4.0? It was one of them. It was one of the early doors.

Go back and watch January 2021. It was when COVID was that 4.0 have a look at locking 4.0 it was one of the January 2021 it was when it was when COVID was a thing yeah but it was it was it was class

it was really COVID safe that's why I'm that's why I'm I pay my three quid a month you know to see all that content

yeah and the specials and stuff it's like we've asked Johnny to do it it's so good you are going to be a star of the

forthcoming special I am so excited When's that out Next Friday Can't wait Friday Friday the 11th That was so much fun

That restaurant set up I absolutely loved it You looked like you were meant to be in that kitchen I took it really seriously I just thought it was really good fun. I was enjoying being in the kitchen and, like, got a real good... You know, because I never really met, like,

Freddie and Ishan before and just got a real camaraderie in the kitchen. I did lose it at the end, though, so I'm worried if that... Because I don't even know if there was cameras on at the end because Freddie was fucking about with the fryer. Vittorio was coming in with a glass of red wine, no glass in the kitchen. He was drinking on at the end because freddie was fucking about with the fryer that vittoria was coming in with a glass of red wine no glass in the kitchen he was drinking on shift they were

all just all over the place no no no i know i can't be having that and i had i had two chicken two sea bass and that was that was going out and they were no honestly and they were just they were just fucking about and i just said like there's paying customers out there we're we've just done the whole shift and we're near the end and you're fucking about now and vittoria wasn't even meant to be in the kitchen you've got to take it seriously that kind of thing i did paying customers isn't it exactly so but we got there in the end we actually call them guests guests okay um but yeah it was great so i can't wait to see that it was a it was really good to be a part of i got the vibe the vibe that Dave, Chef Dave really took

what was going out of the kitchen pretty seriously. He was letting us fuck around on the restaurant floor. I think front of house was just a fuck, they were just fucking about and inside the kitchen,

it was heads down. By the way, me and Carl, I got a good wee bond with Freddie. Absolute. Vaginas off. Yeah. My labia was fucking Chafing

Did you ever think Make the drinks quicker Was that Was that any Was there any Because you were working hard But what about If you worked faster

I just thought It wouldn't have been as good Would it Oh okay You can either get it fast Or get it right Yeah Well some of them

They both There's a saying In bartending Here we go Cocktails take time Cool Is that what it is Dan It's fast Right or cheap You can only have two There's a saying in Barton Here we go Cocktails take time Cool Is that what it is Dan? It's fast, right or cheap

You can only have two Go on Yeah Make it up, go on Fast and cheap It won't be right Fast Fast and right's the best

Fast and right will be cheap You make a bad mojito I'll give you that What? You made it? What? You made your mojito And then complained about us making it?

I didn't even... Front of house, absolute balls. That's what I'm saying. It was just chaos. Lime juice. Have you worked in a kitchen before? No,

I've worked in a restaurant before. I've done maybe a couple of little kitchen, like helping out in the kitchen when we're in the weeds, but yeah, but I do, I love cooking, like,

so I was enjoying it and the food was really good, like, so it was... Have you got a specialty that you normally make? Probably my signature dish would be duck breast, pan-fried, roasted in the oven with sweet potato mash, maybe green beans, and, like, a sort of,

sort of like a black cherry sort of jus. J-U-S. Black cherry jus. Black cherry jus. Jus. Yeah. A black cherry jus. Yeah. Great band. sort of Jew J-U-S Black Cherry Jew Black Cherry Jew Jew Yeah A Black Cherry Jew Yeah

Great band Anyway I've got gifts because I always bring these gifts in it What's in the bag What's in the bag Let's all have a look What's in the bag

He's got his own jingle You know what's in the bag Is it from Home and Bargain Well I've got because I know you've got the drink cabinet Oh shit So I've got... Oh, shit! So I've got your nice bottle of brandy,

which I might open in a wee minute. Tennessee XO? Yeah. We've got a few... Coke Zero! Coke Zero. Why is that a thing? We've got no Coke in the fridge.

But then I've got normal Coke as well. And then, for the lads, because last time when I brought that meat from Ireland, I only brought you guys meat, but then I kind of forgot there's loads of other people there. Don't tell me you've brought him sugar-pip bacon. No, I haven't brought any. I couldn that meat from Ireland, I only brought you guys meat, but then I kind of forgot there's loads of other people there. Don't tell me you've brought him sugar pit bacon. No, I haven't brought him. I couldn't get the bacon, but I've brought some fancy

scotch eggs for everyone. Yeah? Anyone want a scotch egg? I'll have a scotch egg. A wee fancy one? I'll throw him over. I don't even like English eggs. What? Dan. He's never had an egg? Subconsciously, that must be why I bought it. Come on. I have a scotch egg on camera.

It's just bread. Yeah, yeah, do it. It's just bread and sausage with a bit of egg in it. You don't have to eat the egg bit. You can just eat the... Just ignore it. Come on. It doesn't look like a testicle.

Come on. We'll see how I feel towards the end. It's better than the one you had in Luban. Oh, my God. It's a kiwi. Look at the size of that. What the fucking hell? You've been on the growth hormone with your eggs.

Where's that from? Fortnum and Mason. Yeah, whatever. Oh, dear. Now, we spent a bit of fucking money on this, Dan. Don't make them look stupid. Now, Dan, look. This is perfectly paired with Fortnum's Piccadilly Piccalilly.

Oh. And that's hard for you to say. Anyone? Anyone? Sometimes, Scototch eggs. I always think don't eat them. Just, you know, for me, I love scotch eggs. I just try not to eat them before a podcast. When in a podcast?

Does it repeat on you? I might ever do. So, you know, who knows when I could be podcasting. The seasoning is really good. Is it good? Yeah, it's really good. Oh, yes. Love it.

There you go, lads. I just think someone's... It's a scotch egg, that. You're missing out. I am. Get that egg in your mouth. You could eat the inside. Look at the middle of it.

Have you ever drunk a scotch egg? Look at the fancy cameras now. Look at that. Look at the seepage there. Dan, please. I'm going to drink that later. So shout out Fortnum and Mason

Shout out Fortnum and Mason For hooking me up Some of the most Drinkable scotch eggs I've ever had You've got to eat All of that Yeah cool

What time do you have to be off Yeah I'll do it After half three Does anybody want A wee brandy or anything I can't have brandy Why I got very aggressive

With a friend of mine Back in the day A wee one Yeah so you're not The Hulk Was it XO No It was on Matthew Street Mate you're not the whole... Was it XO? No, it was on Matthew Street. Mate, you're not just going to have a sip of brandy

and then start kicking fuck out of people. Do you want a brandy? A small one? You say things that you can't say no to. Jedi mind tricks, isn't it? Are you making it? What? Yeah.

What, have you got the glasses? Yeah. Just have one. What, so you're not... Is anyone else having a brandy? I mean, I don't like brandy, but I'll have some. Yeah. Yeah.

No, you do like brandy. You asked him to get... Go? So you're not, is anyone else having a brandy? I mean, I don't like brandy, but I'll have some. Yeah. Yeah. No, you do like brandy. You asked them to get it. Go on, you're my boy. I've got to drive to Manchester shortly and do the JD area manager's annual conference. Oh my God, what have you said yes to that for? Money.

Bags. Money. Bags. They don't call me Robbie JD for nothing. They don't. They don't. So you're doing a conference. I'm hosting their quiz and introducing the DJ. And, you know, they're paying me enough money for me

to sort of let go of my models. What's the price on that then? 300 quid. Nice. Take it. Plus free brandy. quid. Nice. Take it. Plus free brandy. A wee brandy. A wee.

Mine needs to be actually a wee one. A wee. You just don't finish it. You pour an XO like it's fucking tap water. As if I'm not going to finish it. No, don't give me brandy. That's enough. I fight on it and I'm driving.

Is that your one? Yeah. Pour a little extra for the chef innit oh my god can I have full fat coke oh I'm mixing it with coke like

yeah but can I go full fat yeah fancy pants would anyone like a mixer yeah I'll have mine with coke please

yeah there you go is it full fat oh nice yeah yeah yeah I'll have mine as is there's one well there's I've messed it up now

thank you mate beautifully done well this is why you bring Johnny Bongo in in it because he makes he turns an episode into a fucking lock in

it's a mini lockdown isn't it it's just for the memories yeah I don't I want it can I have it with oh go on

Steve do you want yours with Coke Zero no mine's fine like this all apart I'll it. Can I have it with? Oh, go on. Steve, do you want yours with Coke Zero? No, mine's fine like this. All apart. I'll have it. I'll have it with Coke Zero. Class. Cheers, everyone.

Cheers, guys. Good to be back. Kanpai. Cheers. Cheers. If you see me on Matthew Street later, shouting at me friends, it's Johnny's fault.

No worries. That is extra old. Oh, that'd go lovely with a scotch egg but I'm podcasting that's absolutely sensational that's absolutely the famous saying with Brandy

Brandy Brandy drink it up because it makes JD's fucking corporate quiz more fun it's you know

it's a famous saying did you just come up with that no no that's a that's a Brandy saying Scotch eggs and fucking XO what a start that's what we do what a start It's a famous saying. Did you just go like that? No, no. That's a brand new saying. Scotch eggs and fucking XO. What a start.

That's what we do. What a start. Every episode we do with Johnny just comes along. It's the perfect pairing. Does no one else bring gifts? Never. Not anymore. Stephen tries.

He's brought us gifts a few times. Yeah, they're just visual gags, really. All right, okay. You actually bring nice stuff. I think it's an Irish thing. Maybe. You've got to turn up with something, don't you an Irish thing you gotta turn up with something you gotta turn up with something

fuck I wish I'd known you before I got married that sounded like I wanted to have sex with you just for the gifts you go somewhere even if it's flowers or something what are you like with occasions because I imagine you're on a big birthday and wedding and Christmas guy kids birthdays must be great when you whip out brandy yeah kids birthdays are

good i had a bubble wizard at my son's last birthday it was a bubble wizard wow that sounds like a modern pedophile he was quite he did have noncy vibes like yeah because he's a bubble that sounds like something only exists in your world yeah well do you know his bubbles like he just thought he was so so in there I'd seen him at a festival or seen this company the Bubble Wizard got something like

15 Guinness Book of Records on bubbles like bubbles within bubbles fucking you know the world's biggest bubble so I was like you gotta come

you gotta come to the birthday party so they got a moustache like this he did yeah one of the wee curly ones no word of a lie there he is

bubble wizard to be honest that does sound better he looks fucking unbelievable that's good the way you got that up quick the kids must have loved that

pull that shit up Jamie that was him there they had another guy who was they have like a whole troop of them but there was one that was six foot

look I was inside a bubble he put me inside a bubble but yeah right I'll give you that that does actually sound quite how'd you get into that um how'd you get into bubbles oh no no another question how do you start being a bubble master just climb into it i think it's like i think it's like you know the sort of crusty one of the sort of more crusty art forms yeah you know like bubbles the rings you know the ones that

are like a ball that move um do you know what i mean yeah it's like a ball that goes all around you you see them at festivals they're just in their own world or they go to the park and they bring their own like they look like they smell yeah i used to do bubbles in the sink when i was a kid with the dishes straws in there yeah yeah you could probably that's probably how they started you know they just did that and then really did it for them. Have you seen a fella who shags balloons? No, but I want to.

Oh my God. Have you seen him? No. He's not a kid's party. Balloon modelling. Why are they all long like that? All over his car. Who wants to touch it next?

No, there's a fella who's sexually attractive and said balloons. He has them all around his house and he shags them, doesn't he? Well. out I mean it was on point but So parties So yeah I am on occasion No one's ever asked me like

Do you like Christmas No but what I mean is Do you go big for your friends and family? Yeah. Are you dropping presents or money at weddings? At a wedding, I'd probably go money. Right. I think that's what people want, isn't it?

Yeah. Oh, definitely. Because over the last years, you see... They want you to pay for the scram, essentially. Yeah, I think you see more of the postbox things. Yeah. So what are we going? I just want to get a ballpark.

We've said this before as well. Oh, have we? Yeah. With Johnny? No, you said Martin Adams was too high. Right, I want to know what Johnny, Adam's getting married. Yeah.

You know, he's not met a girl yet, but say he meets one, wedding's in a fortnight. We're having a do. We're having a do. I don't move quickly with women they move quickly with me because I'm insatiable insatiable

no more brandy more brandy can we do do you remember the figure that we had what's the question is it what's in the card how much you drop in

what's in the card on Adam and Trixie's wedding present. We had a figure, remember? Do you remember ours? Yours was a grand. Yeah.

Yeah. Grand for each other. 500 for you. Yeah. 250 for Steve. I was going a ton. A ton. 100 quid on the card.

For me? Yeah. What about Slutty Susie? Grand, maybe, yeah. There you go, Steve. It's all about the, you know, that's your inner circle yeah it's your family

isn't it yeah I don't know why you're at the 100 pound circle why he's half of what he is because I'm not he's never seen his

he's a really good friend of mine and a phenomenal business colleague yeah but to half it is a bit too much I'd say he's a 750 oh maybe

do you know what I mean maybe now back then it was 500 does it come out of the business account but that's like yeah that's like you're worth double what he is. I think that's true.

Honestly, I'm not even taking offence. Okay. If you see this company as a bubble, they're in the smallest bubble. Kissing. They're through. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm in the second bubble.

Who's in your bubble? Finn. Finn is watching the fire exit. Where's Finn? In London. Slacking. He's been suspended

pending review for being too Welsh we didn't notice he's only half Welsh and it's too much he's on ancestry.com

trying to work out if he's less Welsh the Welsh no I don't take offence of that that's alright I just know I know the bubbles

we've got each other over like 25 we go way back No, I don't take offence of that. That's right. I just know the bubbles. Yeah. We've had each other for over like 25... We go way back. Yeah. Way back when, when we were little littlens. Doing A-levels. Yeah. Six foot.

I was knee high to an A-S. Good bubble chat. Great bubble chat. Slutty Susie's your did you you start when you started bongos bingo was slutty suzy the first person you did it with no um when i first started it what year we talking first 2015 was the first ever one my god seven years in it i thought that was going to be much longer ago than that so when it started it was just me um and then my business partner who i set it up with but he was never to do with anything on stage or performing he was always sort of i'll do the

marketing and then the first person we ever had was someone called sweaty betty who was actually like because my business partner had done club nights and things like that so he was you've looked at with these people with their names like either being elicitive or rhyming yeah it's just there's there's 30 dancers now yeah i'll have i couldn't even i couldn't even like name all the names yeah it's easy to forget did you just run out yeah when the new dancer comes in in the whatsapp group he was what was the last one barbara bumhole came in that's how we've been running you know that'll be our face yeah nothing right you know i've like have you got we've got kinky k be our first one Yeah nothing You know We've got Kinky Kylie Or you know

That kind of thing Randy Mandy And then we're running out of rhyming names And then someone just went Barbara Bumhole That's like There you go That's you now

Louise Labia Yeah Louise Labia Felicity Flaps That's my wife's name What were we going to say? Shout out Louise Shout out Louise

On your labia. Sometimes I'm just very tidy. I'll just have a... Have a pause for a scotch egg in it. Clip that. Gape and gainer. But yeah. Haviness candies. Sweaty Betty came in

and he was going to be doing like the posters and running around. I said, just come on stage And get the calls Dress as a granny He got injured He fell off the stage

Injured And he was out So I got another friend in A guy called Keelan He became Slutty Sue Slutty Sue got injured Broke his leg off stage And that's where Cole

Used to come to the quiz That he used to do Your public liability insurance Must be through the roof. But, yeah, so Cole came in. It was one night. It was, Slutty Sue had just got injured, and I put it up on Facebook,

can anyone come to Leeds and dance to the show? And he messaged me back. And the night before, he had done his first ever ecstasy tablet. It's the first time he'd ever done a pill. And he came on a comedown. Well, I can dance. I'm just pretty good. And he was like, he'd said the day before he'll done his first ever ecstasy tablet it's the first time he'd ever done a pill and he came on a come down well i can dance i'm just like he'd said the day before he'll do it and he was ghost he was awful really really bad but turned it around nice he's gave him a second shot he's up there yeah he's iconic in the green anymore no do you know what we we show some footage of his willy um on the screen behind i know what? We show some footage of his willy on the screen behind. I've got like tons and tons of videos with him of his dick out.

There's a really good one in the bungalow in the green room where he's like slapping it with his green dress. So we put that on screen. I think there's rules about exposing yourself on stage, but he did it for years before. I don't even think we got many complaints, but just just a bit yeah if it's on screen it's funny if it's there in front of you you know and you've brought your your granny or your auntie or something that weren't expecting to see the skin because it's funny you can understand that though it's like big foreskin so long so baggy just on one side yeah

like labia oh that's much better on a screen like it's the same with leopards or any bit of the big calf family yeah on the screen fine if there's one just roaming around

the venue it's a problem especially when you got your dick out yeah never get your dick out around leopards oh wow

old famous saying but yeah so so yeah and then it's just grown and grown and grown but

slutty suzy horny heidi they would be the ones that do all the shows with me and the same with all the other hosts So yeah, and then it's just grown and grown and grown. But Slutty Susie, Horny Heidi, they would be the ones that do all the shows with me. And the same with all the other hosts. They've got their core dancers. So if you go to, I don't know, Manchester. Oh, so if you're a host, because you've got other hosts now, haven't you?

15. You're like the kingpin. Yeah, there's 15 different hosts. Because they're in every city every weekend, really, aren't they? Yeah, so we're doing 159 shows in December. so that's just hot water yeah so it's mad like and you only do liverpool do you go out now the odd time recently i've wanted to go into like when i first started it and i was doing every show i was doing every show there was no other host so i would go to the new cities and stuff like that but recently i went to york because we were launching in york and i kind of just

every now and then i want to go and go on the road again and do like a launch show or a city that i've never done because there's so many cities we're in 30 40 cities now but there's loads of them i've never been there and done shows there and every city is different like regarding the crowd and what music goes down well and it's nice to go get out of your comfort zone a wee bit

where's the one if you saw it on a I'm sure you know what's coming up but what city is the one that if you saw it on the line up

you go actually I want to do that one where's the city you'd most like to do bongos bingo that we don't already do

that you haven't done yet do you know what it's nuts because we were looking at a map and trying to find places that we don't already do Do you know what It's nuts because we were looking at a map And trying to find places that we don't do That are big cities

Oh you've done them all You didn't Dubai next month We did Dubai last week This is class This screen thing is just brilliant It's the way you're just talking about it And then it comes up on screen It's like CSI

Can we get that on screen Can we zoom in On Shrewsbury there Ah Shrewsbury There's your cities there Look Galston on C Finally

That's Do you know what I went and did Galston This year Because Galston Is like I didn't even know Do you even know

Where Galston is No So it's Close to It's close to Great Yarmouth Where's that? Norfolk

No I don't even know Fucking hell that's class That just comes up automated Is that you doing that? While staring Intense staring at me So I went and did Goulston All the hosts I was saying I want to go and do

A few other cities that I've never done And Everyone was going you've got to did Goulston. All the hosts, I was saying, I want to go and do a few other cities that I've never done. And yeah, everyone was going, you've got to do Goulston. You've got to do it. And I was kind of thinking it might be a bit of a, like a piss take

to get me to go and do it. Because it, you know, it is a bit out of it. Because it takes seven hours. It looks like it's closer to Amsterdam than it is to Liverpool. But it was wild.

Absolutely mad. There's the venue and then the hotel beside it is the hotel have you ever seen that movie the danny boyle movie where it's like the beatles never existed oh yesterday and he does the gig in the hotel that's the hotel it's it's it's filmed that's one of the stupidest films of all time that is that hotel yeah it's like on the sea so we were staying in there and the venue's really good and the crowd are class. So it's just one of them mad little anomalies. I don't even know

how we ended up there. Yeah. I think maybe they got in touch. There are some gigs like that in comedy where you're like, this really on paper doesn't make sense, but you get there

and it just bangs. Yeah. That's great. Any internationals that you fancy doing? Well, we're planning on America next year. So that's the plan.

But you're all going to go and do that? Yeah. Just before COVID um we were already organizing going it and we're looking at maybe a tour tour and um but we're we're sort of changing the plan a bit I'd like to sort of start it a little bit more like how it started in England in Liverpool like go and do New York and do a venue once a week and build it up that way and start it all almost start it again rather than going in and trying to do loads and loads of cities like part of the reason I think um it's been so popular is because it's hard to get tickets and there's a buzz about it so if we just go out and go fucking hell there's 50 shows around America

and none of them sell It needs Like part of it Is that hype of I can't get a ticket Not on sales tickets Like not having any tickets To sell

That's good mate That's it So So yeah So I think that's the plan Next year Probably February or March Go out

We've got two I want a time in New York Two venues Oh yeah Bingo in New York Come on That'd be fucking incredible Nashville

You could do a special we'll go together but only if you subscribe to patreon you can see that i'm all right yeah absolutely you're right so it pays for the scotch eggs so yeah it's exciting it's exciting and i'm i'm looking for and as well i just want to do it because like it's the same as when we did australia and anything we really do it's all about just fucking giving it a go do it Because like It's the same as when We did Australia And anything we really do It's all about just Fucking giving it a go And like The way I look at

The business And the business side of it Is just More about legacy And looking back In years to come And going That was fun

Very similar to what you guys do You just do stuff Just for the fucking sake of it A new band special Can't possibly Make us half of the money back Even if like All of our listeners

Sign up to Patreon Yeah we've lost thousands It's impossible but the memories but no one else gets to say they did that yeah that's what it's all about i think anyway yeah we had someone have a dig about that didn't it mention the money like oh this sort of like we put so much of what we earn Back into these things He said I used to fucking love these guys but I'm getting done with it

Because all they're doing is wasting Listener money on doing these Shite specials and it's like do you want us to just keep it Yeah we'll do what they want you to do with the money Yeah And that as a business model is good as well Because if you're putting it into it Same with the money yeah yeah that's that as a business model is good as well because if you're putting it into it the same with the bingo like our shows like we've met right from the very first show like trying to give as much money as possible as prize prize money so all these sort of other

copycat ones that come along they don't give much away like we're giving four or five grand away at every show and that's what people, a lot of people don't necessarily think of it in their head. Sorry, Scotch egg. But there is that like, as you're saying, if you're doing those sort of Patreon specials, you're pumping money into it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It pays back tenfold.

There's a lot of copycats now, isn't there? Do you know what? Django's Bingo. Ringo's Ningo. How's you feel about that? Ringo's what? Django's Bingo Ringo's Ningo They're all How do you feel about that? Ringo's what? Ningo Yeah there's loads

But I think now Maybe about two or three years ago There was loads more But they've just sort of fallen by the wayside Because they're shite Because you go once You can't get a ticket to Ongo's Bingo So you go

Should we go to that one? And then you think I'd probably rather wait and try and get a ticket for that Because they are No like Genuinely it is There is that sort of What's it called?

Imitation is the best form of flattery and all that But it is It pisses you off Especially when things are so similar Like we give What was it? I've seen one last week We've been giving away these disco ball helmets

Really sick disco ball helmets And then one of these copycat ones Look at our new prize like you're just like there's no yeah do you know what i mean it's like there's no they're literally just watching what we're doing and then we'll have that yeah and but i don't but then i think i hope the mentality of the people that are doing it like the copycats they don't really have a shame in it they're like hey that's good so we'll do it you know rather than go let's copy that like fuck them guys yeah

I just think just unoriginal just they want to they see you making money and go we don't have an original idea so we'll just copy but to literally take everything

including very specific prizes is lazy beyond belief like a cardboard cutout of like Danny DeVito is quite niche and then when you see it the next week

at another I wonder where you've got that idea from it's slutty Sid it's completely different Cardboard cut out of Danny DeVito is quite niche, and then when you see it the next week at another... Oh, fucking hell. I wonder where you've got that idea from. It's slutty Sid. It's completely different. How did you feel when you saw the first copycat? So the story, actually, with the first copycat was we went down to Cardiff,

and we did some shows there. We did four shows, and it was me that did it. Great fun. I love Cardiff. It was class, really good. And then the me that did it And then Great fun I love Cardiff It was class Really good And then the venue That we're doing it

Once we'd finished the four shows We were like Okay we'll come back and do more And it was at the time In Bingo Where I was looking at getting A new host and stuff Because I was just doing too much

And They went Oh no We're just going to do our own one So From like the four weeks We almost set it up for them and we're filling it. And then they changed the name.

Bingo Lingo. It's actually the one that do Camp and Furnace now. So, you know. Camp and Furnace, who's that? Who is it? Who knows? But it's just, so they kind of screwed us over a little bit.

Like we went down and we did those shows. And they sat there with notes. You're not trademarking either? I think obviously you trade trademark names and and things and and put like prizes and style as show and music it's quite hard to do but i think at the start it really proper got me down like i was really upset about it because you know you're seeing someone just completely replicate something that you've created but now i don't give it a second thought, really. It's just like, from where we are, we're too far ahead.

And it more sort of spurs us on of like, what are you laughing about? It's us, you're us. There's so many parallels. But that's it. I think the main thing is, is if you're, you know, it almost pushes us to just keep making sure that we're doing the best.

That's why we've moved here. Because when we launched have a word, we, there was no purpose built comedy podcast studio in the whole of the UK. And now there's a hundred. And we were like, Oh, well we need to get the best,

a bigger place. And we need a table tennis table. We just need table tennis table and a second couch that we don't interview people on. And we need pictures of Ishan Akbar on the doors. And I'd be pretty pissed off if I saw another studio with a shrine to Ishan. No, it's not Ishan.

It's like someone that looks quite similar to Ishan. You know what I mean? Love Dev Barpega. Have you watched the rehearsal? Yeah. That's my one to watch. Put that on your... What's this?

I can't even explain it, but I'm just saying watch the... TV show or film? TV show, The Rehearsal on HBO. There was a comedy show called Nathan For You. Did you ever see that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got recommended that yesterday.

Yeah. Oh, maybe two in two days. Six episodes. Watch it. That's what reminded me of it, about having someone like a clone of you. I can't explain it, so it's probably...

The Rehearsal. The Rehearsal. Will it belantic it's on sky atlantic because it's an hbo program yeah so you're in give it a go mind-bending really funny though it's a little different for us with the the copying thing because there's a lot of people who've sort of copied our blueprints and gone oh we'll do a similar thing but i want it to happen because it also does benefit us because if comedy is in the hands of comedians rather than the traditional industry and there's bigger if those podcasts that have sort of seen what we're doing and tried to do a similar thing get big it means when i'm going on tour i've got a special coming out i can go on them and promote it yeah yeah which is

beneficial to everyone yeah we don't own podcasting we get it yeah no but there are certain things you're like like they're so so similarly like cool oh yeah yeah yeah anyone's in particular that you'd like to hear no yeah yeah that uh your mom's house with tom segura i mean the way you even sit at a table like this like a desk when did that start 2011 do they have brandy and scotch can i just say this do they fuck mate this is a mem a one of the memory drinks that I didn't realise I had one of my mates when we were

15, 16 her Gemma her mum used to let us go round to her house and they'd drink we

it was the only our only mates house where her mum was a bit of a drinker and we'd all sit drinking smoking in the kitchen and it's the only time I've drunk brandy and Coke,

and I'm literally back in 1998, because I remember Paul Ince got a head injury, didn't he? A World Cup qualifier. I'm getting the same. I'm on Matthew Street with sick on me shirt. You were saying things you shouldn't be. Tell my mate to fuck off and that he's not my dad. What else did you say?

It's not stronger. The smell isn't stronger. I could say it. No. No. Right. I want it to come back to me. I love that.

I love that. Come back to me. I know it. It'll come back to me when Danny eats that scotch egg. Well, it may probably best. I don't think it will. Has anyone else finished their scotch egg? No, just me?

Yeah, all gone. We had to curry five minutes before we got here, though. No room for a scotch, either. I just think one's enough. Yeah. You don't like egg, do you, then, I think? Lovely. Just like anything, Johnny.

Or scotch people. You know, he's having his first ever roast dinner when I make it for him for Christmas Day. Strange, that. What did you grow up and stuff like? What was your family meals like? Ask Johnny. I was drinking at my mate was your family meals like? Ask Johnny. I was drinking at my mate Gemma's house.

Johnny, Johnny, look him in the eye and ask him what he has for his Christmas dinner. Dan, what do you have for your Christmas dinner? Feliz Navidad.

No, what do you have? Nachos. Fuck off. No, is that a joke? I'll tell you what. No,

it's not a joke, but I think I've upset you. What does your missus have? And I should give the Scotch egg back. He has nachos on his own. What did you have when you were a kid? You didn't have nachos, weren't a thing then.

What? Victorian Britain. We haven't even discovered mexico in the 1700s yeah it was no but like i don't think my

ma had a pizza until she was like 30 they weren't they weren't here like they hadn't come over nachos

nachos hadn't come nachos isn't a thing was it mexican food elizabethan england it was drake that actually first discovered

the nacho. King George I he was your monarch wasn't he? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Ooh.

1789. Was it? 1789? He was seven then. Alright. Is that what you have on all of like when you were growing up?

You never had a turkey roasting off him? What's the matter with you? Not on. Why? It was Hamilton. I know of course he knows it from Hamilton.

He doesn't know fucking Georgian monarchs. 1789. Shut up. I think it's 1776, is it not? That's the Declaration of Independence. No, I think he was serving from then, but he was definitely still serving in 1789. 1776, New York City.

That wasn't the Declaration of Independence, was it, wasn't it? 1776. Anyway, nachos. Oh, no, maybe it was King George III. Stephen, can you see when the Declaration of Independence was signed? wasn't it? 1776. Anyway, nachos. Oh no, maybe it was King George III. Stephen, can you see when the Declaration of Independence was signed? Oh my God, how do we get...

How did we get from my mate Gemma's kitchen to King George that quick? Yes! Oh, you nailed it. Oh, you bollocks. I said 1776. You did, you did, you did. Possibly.

Up your bollocks. No, I'm not a roast fan. you go and the thinking is i need to make something that's quick because everyone's fucking around the reason it became nachos because i love nachos yeah but it's very fast i just need microwave and grill so i get to make it around everyone fucking nonsense on about roasts and fucking yorkshire so i get there is a roast still at your house yeah yeah but you don't partake oh yeah it's really strange that it's weird isn't it i don't have an egg kill him an egg you must have had an egg i have had an egg you've had an egg with us yeah never had an egg without them i just get lonely that's not stupid

i just get lonely i've had an egg without you? Have you ever felt lonely When you're eating an egg? It's better to do it with friends Lads let's get together Fucking eggs Have you ever eaten a pear? Yeah I love pears

Okay Don't fuck with me with fruit That's Boxing Day Ah the Boxing Day pear Put Shrek on As is pears Put a couple of Shreks on um

yeah fruit's fine I know you're fucking you're trying to hammer me but I he is having a roast I'm a weirdy that's you mate

I'm gonna make him a roast around Christmas time I reckon you'd probably eat it but just not enjoy it then it's like you wouldn't turn your nose up at it what were you what's your signature dish

pan fried duck I'd try that duck breast I've seen yeah yeah I've never tried duck but I'd try You wouldn't turn your nose up at it What's your signature dish? Pan fried duck I've never tried duck You've never tried duck? Even duck pancakes? I'd try it with cherry juice Yeah Maybe do a wee pancetta Not the green beans

Cabbage and stuff Are you worried about lamb? I'm worried about my life expectancy but no I'm not worried about lamb because I've had lamb pakora

at an Indian restaurant and it's fine do you have steak I know I'm a weirdo would you have steak would you have steak yeah yeah what do you go for

well Wagyu on Saturday night fancy pants there's Patreons getting you the Wagyu all those £10 ones you pressed the wrong button so I got

ribeye ribeye's the one ribeye's chef's choice oh it's fucking amazing have you had Wagyu I've had Wagyu yeah I've had a Katsu Sando that's the one

you like Japan and all that don't you that's your thing yeah little sort of Wagyu deep fried with like a little sandwich so it's

Wagyu steak and then your your it in breadcrumbs, deep fry it, katsu curry sauce in white bread and they'll cut it through like a little finger sandwich. Class, absolutely class. It's good that we've got our finger on the pulse of the nation, isn't it? Cost of living crisis. I love a little Wagyu sandwich. The best thing to do is try and get yourself A5 bread.

I'm not saying buy Sainsbury's wagyu. I'm not fucking insane. Get down to fucking Iceland. Get the wagyu. Out of the freezer. Where's the wagyu section? You did get Hennessy XO as well. Yeah.

And Fortnum and Mason Scotch eggs. I'm fucking not. After Scotch egg. Come on. We'll all be so proud. One bite at the end of the section and then if you,

what you can spit out. I'm going to Bravissimo to ask for a big tatty girl bra. I'm not eating a scotch egg. I will, I'll put myself out there. I don't know the Bravissimo bit

is not going in the episode. It's going to be on social media. Change that mind. Just have one little nibble. It's only sausage on the outside. You could actually just take it out because the egg will come apart separately.

The outside is just sausage. You like sausage, don't you? No, just break it with your hands. Why are you howling? As if. It's not as if. No. Break it a bit and you'll see where the egg is.

Where's Finn? This won't be happening to Finn with this. Oh yeah, go on. You won't actually get any egg On that first bite You've got no chance Of getting the egg No I'm not into it

You've got no chance Of getting the egg By taking a bite out of it I think I bit half of it The thing was as well It was a gift No it was a gift Come on

You were so close We'll all be dead proud of you It was a gift Fuck off mum You're spitting in his face We'll all be so proud of you Come on Like

I brought you a gift And you're turning your nose up We'll take you to the Lego shop Please dad Just bite it Please Come on Please

Can't do it I've done my research on this one The man said that's the best one in the shop It is Come on It's a genuine phobia guys It's sausage I can't

Put it back in the mug Literally sausage on the outside of it Sausage There you go I've just got to check If I picked just about The sausage out Would you have that

No It's sausage There's sausage in it The outside Just sausage Just look Right No I'm not eating

Your fucking weird Hiding in a sausage egg Do you think That's a big egg Do you think That's a big egg Yeah I thought It was a big egg

I thought someone Had stuck an egg in a sausage and then breadcrumbed it to hide the fact that it's... The egg is well beneath the... It looks like a weird bread roll, and it's just inside is horrible. The egg is in there. Eat the sausage. It looks like the worst thing I've ever eaten.

Or hadn't eaten. Dan, just bite the sausage. Oh, it's a goat's testicle inside. Oh, so it's a sausage. It's a sausage pretending to be a bread roll's a goat's testicle inside oh so it's a a sausage it's a sausage pretending to be a bread roll with a goat's testicle inside let's have a break

and I'll chomp it down you fucking weirdos is that Scottish no 2023 my tour we're not going to Scotland

no the inventor was Scott Chegg that's why it's called that Scott Chegg I like it Scott Chegg Chego if only it's called that. Scott Chegg. Yeah. I like it. Scott Chegg. Yeah. Chegg-o.

If only there was some sort of way to know what the history of a Scott Chegg was. It's happening, Johnny. History of Scott Chegg. Oh my God, I can't believe it. George. Oh my God. Close it up. Close out the section.

Oh. They were the first ones. Where were they from? You say? Oh, Mason. Shut up. Yeah, I got. Oh, they were the first ones. Where were they from? You say. Shut up. Yeah, I got you the fucking original. Claims the original one. The price of my life is not a price that you're willing to pay.

That wasn't even thought American. It even existed. Easy. You cry with your tea which you hurl in the sea when you see me go by. Flashbacks to that. I'm so sad. I'm getting the flashbacks. Remember we made an arrangement when you went away. Now you're making me mad. What's happening, everyone?

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and find yourself a Manny Galway Cork Dublin and Dundalk final section johnny have you got any funny stories about your friend slutty suzy well just may edit now just before we start recording and i was like just if it comes up naturally if it comes up naturally go ahead no the context of that is because i'd mentioned to you about

slutty suzy coming in yeah the two of us coming in together that i don't know if you heard that i was dead against it were you dead again but then he was do you know what well he was gonna he said he didn't want to come in and then i think he used to add some banter at uh the restaurant in luban yeah and he's like he was pissed he pissed. He's going, I'm going on, I'm going on. And then he bottled it again. And I think it's because he's in a long-term relationship now. I also messaged him and threatened him. Said if I ever see him again, I'm going to kill him. Oh, really?

Well, then that might be it as well. See, he didn't want to come on the pod because he's in a long-term relationship. So basically through the bingo years, he's top-kisser. And I mean, I mean. Oh, some stats. The stats are ridiculous They're off the charts

Like you know Different person Twice a day Just you know Shut up Champions League Gooser Just mad

Do you reckon into four figures Four figures would be over a thousand Yeah Yeah Easy Crazy That's why his foreskin's so long That's what's just

Stretched out That's what happens More pussy you get It adds to your foreskin just keeps getting longer it's just a collection of like uh labia molecules but no that's why but that's what that's why i said he wouldn't come on because he doesn't want it he doesn't i think if he came on his missus would watch it but i don't think his missus will so don't tag it it. So don't tag her in the description. So don't tag her in the description, no. But one of his best shagging stories is he pulled a bird from Kirby. Whoa, whoa.

The Kirby in Liverpool. The West Kirby in the Will or Kirby Lonsdale up near the lakes. Wow. Three Kirbys. The first one. The left one. So he pulled this bird in time. And he went back to hers at about

two in the morning. And when they went in, she was like, can you come and meet my dad? Like, he'll still be up. He works like shift batteries and he'll be up. So he was like, yeah, sounds. He went in and met and had a full conversation.

Her dad was up on MS Paint drawing these kind of like Formula 1 cars So you had to have a full conversation About Formula 1 With her dad, like this is a guy I've met In town So then they went up Did the deed

She had a tarantula in her room as well Like a little tarantula Very creepy Did the deed Woke up the next morning And she was at the end of the bed Tarantula in her room as well Like a little tarantula Very creepy Very creepy Day to day Woke up the next morning And she was at the end of the bed Doing her little sister

Who was probably about Eight or nine's hair Like doing her braids For school While he's up And he like Had to have a conversation with her And then realised that

Her bed was by the window So she was in the room as well Very creepy that isn't it? So I think if his girlfriend knew all that kind of stuff that he was up to. I thought the tarantula was the worst bit. No. Very mad, that, isn't it?

She had a sister in a bedroom with a man of fucking tarantula. Oh, my God. MS Paint, though. Formula One. That is the weirdest bit. MS Paint's the weirdest bit. That's the weirdest bit. This is my dad.

Oh, you can't fuck with a nine-year-old in the room. It's just not right. Get the merch made up right now. She's a criminal. Bit mad, that, innit? Bit mad. So, yeah, that's why Study Susie didn't come on, but I thought I'd tell you that too.

He's being hit by... Smooth criminal. Can I make that clip Can I make that clip But leave his name out Yeah I reckon so I reckon you can put his name in it Just don't tag him Tag him

Good though MS Paint That's the bit we'll remember How long have you been with your Mrs Four So I've been 10 years 10 years And how old are you I'm 36.

Okay. So you met mid-20s. So you must have put some miles on the clock before you... Well, no. Because remember we talked about before, I was married. Oh, yeah. I was married. Don't tell the bride.

All that. Do you remember from series one? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, I was married before. So I actually didn't put a lot of miles on the clock. I had a small period when I broke up with her. But I'm not... I was never about that about that get too it's just it doesn't do you get do you fall in love easily yeah i think when you sleep with someone you give a bit of your soul

a bit of yourself it's a bit weird you know what i mean have i been saying all year like a whole crux not only you left that what nothing have you left bro so yeah it was never i was not like i was never about never about that And then literally When I got with Louise I'm exactly the same Well Louise moved in So I What are you laughing at

Is that No is that your vibe The love The love Yeah Yeah It wasn't love on the bus Even

No even if Like the whole term And of ghosting people And all that there Like even when I think about that I'm like How could you do that Disgusting

How could you ghost them But, even when I think about that, I'm like, how could you do that? How could you ghost them? But, yeah, so when I got with Louise, she made a game. What are you looking at me like that for? Do you ghost people? No,

I'm fucking not. I'm a gentleman. Name all the women you've had sex with this year. That's just naming all the bits of soul that he's lost. You know all of their names.

You've got nothing left. There's nowhere near as many as you're making out. Rebecca. What? Julie. Pam. A beautiful South song. Deborah.

Annabelle. Philippa. Sue. Rotterdam. Liverpool. Anywhere. What? Rome. Yeah. How many do you think it is? Rotterdam Liverpool anywhere what Rome

yeah how many do you think it is I think it's over 15 this year no you're a madman look at the lie in your eyes it could be more

double it no you're the madman you're the madman it's more like 12 no more like 6 6

I don't know why that's so funny but he never ghosted You're the mad man. It's more like 12. No. It's more like six. That's so funny. But he never ghosted. Six. How many did you tell that you love? How many times you said I love you to someone? Zero. How many scotch eggs has she given him?

Can you do the start? It's not beautiful. It's not beautiful. It's not beautiful. It's not beautiful. It's not beautiful. It's not beautiful. No. It's six.

If you're lying to me or the person behind the camera, whatever, it isn't six. Don't lie to Will. I think it is. No. No. What do you think it is? I think it's about 15.

It isn't It's nowhere near that It's a big jump like Usually he's good with numbers Yeah All of a sudden Nice I'll go with a number Oh hang on

Let my phone I wanna want it too Plus three Plus nine Plus two at the same time Plus that three. Oh, that's six. Oh, my internal calculator, it broke it.

I'm a romantic. Is it all wildly inaccurate? Yes. You are? I know. Person behind the camera. Right, should we do some advice? Yeah. What is from one of adam's could i just say though about the question about mileage on the clock no

and then i got with louise 10 years she moved in after the first first first night we spent together she just moved in oh yeah of course because she's when you find the one she's beautiful and you just say just you stay don't go just stay here just stay yeah the door's locked you're the same person and Louise is beautiful we are the same she's stunning she's a good cracker as well

she's great she's a good cracker no but she's beautiful turns out we've got a really joke where I say that about Serica but Johnny looked at me like

are you fucking I'm like two brownies deep what the fuck's he saying here what yeah I know what you mean yeah I'm like two brownies deep What the fuck's he saying here What Yeah I know what you mean Yeah Sex is about more than coming It's love

What's the advice then Who needs advice I don't know Hello I'm Adam's accountant What is receipt This is from Danny Delaney I'll tell you the best thing to do If you want to do it, you'll be fine If you want to do it, you'll be fine La la

This is from Danny Delaney I was on tour for six months and I'm staying in the same room as you Alright, stop talking about your sex Six months Your numbers are wildly immaculate He was on tour for three weeks Yeah, three weeks I can name it

It's gone It's okay This It's fine. It's May. It's June. It's okay. This is from Danny Delaney. Wag wag dance. I was heartbroken. 260 Carl and Fingers. I need some advice.

I've been talking to this girl that Adam banged in February. And she's got five mates that he also fucked. But they're the only girls he fucked. They still meet up once a week and talk about how big his testicles were and love this is obviously a lie because i have got notoriously average sexicles

hey Sextacles Sextacles Doctor doctor Look at my sextacles I've been talking to this girl on Tinder recently Things were going okay but after I added her on Instagram I realised she has the same second name As my dad's mum I've got 25 direct cousins And Godden

His granny Apparently they've had a bit of a fallout His dad's granny His nan Apparently they've had A bit of a fall out His dad's mum I mean dad's mum's Coming round later Your nan No but he means Her maiden name doesn't he

That's why he's specified Maybe I've got 25 direct cousins And god knows how many With the same second name as her We could be related But what do I do Love the pod

Thanks Anonymous He S I'd smash her back doors in Ask her where nan is Yeah Okay Danny Just for your question Hey What should we even call her I'd smash her back doors in asking her where Nan is yeah okay Danny just for your question hey

what should we even call her and who's your Nan yeah but if she says not it's Nan there you go that'd be a weird answer

wouldn't it who's your Nan first date though that is a bit much innit so what do you do for work oh cool nice

where do you live again oh nice what's your Nan's name no surname So what do you do for work? Oh, cool. Nice. Where do you live again? Oh, nice. What's your nan's name? No surname? No, it would be... Yeah, but you'd be like... It'd be his nan's brother, wouldn't it? That's my dad's mum's name.

Yeah, there you go. How mad's that? We could be cousins, are we? Yeah. You go off. What? Make a joke of me, he's right. Just go like...

I thought you were talking about your family tree no no i was saying just say oh it's dead that's mad like that's my my dad's mom's name or my nan's name like what's your name that's my nan's maiden name that mad that we could be cousins and then you never know because she might be into it she might want to fuck her cousin oh see now you're just that's not gonna happen on the first date you just never know she might be like oh we could couldn't we you might get to skip dessert and go straight to pussy

yeah just absolute which of course is very sentimental to you because you are so in tune with your feelings yeah skip dessert

go straight to pussy and then fall in love and treat that girl like one in 15 angels roughly there you go Danny I think everyone is freaked out by the fact that you call her treat that girl like one in 15 angels, roughly. There you go, Danny. I think everyone is freaked out by the fact that you call her your dad's mum.

Yeah, you lost us there. That's the main problem there. This is from an anonymous lady. What's happening, Lids? I'm fairly recently single and went on a double date with someone who I found out was a virgin. I'm a female, by the way.

I actually like this fella and I'm very scared of how to handle the whole virgin situation. For one, why is he a virgin at the age of 23? He's not bad looking, and doesn't seem like a weirdo. Should I be worried? And two, how do I handle doing the deed?

Do I need to make it all romantic, like Adam does every time he makes love? Makes love. Doesn't need to be romantic if he's wasted this long first of all it's not going to last very long

he's going to go off like a shotgun yeah you know when you take off your shotgun and he comes off in a post office

he's ready to fucking I reckon maybe he was in some sort of religious bond you know bond bind bind maybe he was in some sort of religious bond. You know? Bind? Bind.

Maybe he was bound. Father bond. Maybe he was bound by religion for years and now he's recently got a new church and the new priest is a lot more liberal and he's gone, no lad, go and smash on. Spread your seeds, son,

for we need little ones to come from your balls. Father O'Leary is the priest. Or maybe he only fucks people he loves. Hey, Adam. Yeah. If it is the first time, get smashed. Just do a smashed one

because that's like what most people lose their virginity when they're smashed. Which is allowed because she's a lady. All the way around, that's bad advice. Yeah.

But don't do a romantic one first. No. Don't do candles and all that. Don't put them off. Because just do it and then it's done. Because I'm sure it's on his mind. Don't put romantic music on. He's obviously told her that he's a virgin.

So that's always going to be on his mind. So just get it. Quick smash run. Yeah. And then the second one is the real one. No romantic music. Make it like the opposite of romantic, like Nirvana or something. Smells like teen spirit

yeah pussy I think he might want to be a virgin if he's 23 he's not bad looking he's not a weirdo I think he might have chosen

this life so I don't know if it's a question of putting this out there I think he's lying I think this is a bit of a trick no one lies

what's happened to him he's had sex what a weird lie that would be On the internet as well No Not possible

That's a weird lie though isn't it Going around telling people you're a virgin He's trying to make her feel special Ah I think that's what Susie told his new bird That he was a virgin He wasn't going to tell her about MS Paint.

Is that what he told her nine-year-old sister? I'm a virgin, by the way, love. Love you there. Well, I was anyway. Stop crying. It'll be his first time. Yeah, I think he's lying. He's like, oh, yeah, I've never done it before.

I don't know what I'm doing. He's really, really good at it. He's trying to lower their expectations, and then he's going to's like oh yeah I've never done it before like I don't know what I'm doing he's really really good he's trying to lower her expectations and then he's gonna absolutely light her up like a fucking Christmas tree mate

that's love stick a bauble on each nipple you're going up in the living room but he wins doesn't he he's like oh is that good was I good at that

and she's like oh my god I've got a good shagging she's got the bambi going legs still fucking that was amazing she's hit the grail he's like oh am I good at this when I's like oh my god I've got a good shagging she's got the bambi going legs still fucking that was amazing she's hit the grill he's like

oh am I good at this when I held you up against the wall and was biting your neck and fucking

thrust my cock deep inside your cave was that good for you cave cave

words the words but he's got to use bad lingo so she doesn't get suspicious I don't I didn't know that was called reverse cowgirl I just flipped you into it Words. The words. But he's got to use bad lingo so she doesn't get suspicious. I didn't know that was called reverse cowgirl.

I just flipped you into it. It just came naturally. Have you only shagged six birds this year with all that chat, that romantic chat? Must be numbers. I've never done it before. I didn't even know how to set the camera up or the tripod. It just happened naturally.

And I uploaded it to the OnlyFans without even knowing. Yeah. When I threw you in the OnlyFans without even knowing. Yeah. When I threw you in the air spinning and caught you on my car, that was just me practising my judo. Yeah, and also you've got a cave, so it was easy. You just can't qualify for judo for doing that. That's a great finishing move. Finish her.

Yeah. I think he's lying. I reckon, don't worry about it you're in for the absolute night of your life here love he's a swordsman yeah Paul Brook says

alright fellas Brookhouse Brookie Brookside 40 years today which? Brookside 40 years

how do you know that? just hoping it would come up I learnt one fact before I came in here I'm going to be really impressive If I know If I say something about Berkshire And then it came up

40 years today It's a good job you didn't Preempt Adam with it Do you know any facts about Berkshire? You found We'll work it in We'll work it in We'll work it in

But anyway yeah 40 years Shout out Corkhill Jimmy Corkhill It's like the jimmy cork hill compilation video of the stages of covid is the greatest thing that's ever been on the internet oh the second we're done which will be in three minutes time the second we're done i'm showing you that video before i go it is have you seen it no before I go. It is. Have you seen it? No.

Why did you take so long? It's gone. I feel like he's made it. Johnny was gone then. I was thinking about something else. Where were you, Johnny? I do that. I do that sometimes.

Tell us where you were gone, please. I was thinking about this wrestling match that I went to. And Jimmy Corkill turned up. What?

True. Love it. Jimmy Corkill. up True Jimmy Corkill I went to a wrestling match Insane Championship Wrestling And it was like a Scottish Wrestling company that were really Sort of trying to bring back The sort of attitude area you know like the real

Storyline the madness And they were doing a gig in the academy in Liverpool And they had this wrestler come on jimmy polo his name was i think tv's jimmy polo it's a scottish guy who's giving all this thing and he was giving some heavy stuff about liverpool real offensive stuff that i wouldn't even say and you know but anyway he was just really bad stuff slagging liverpool off in the ring in character playing the heel no playing the heel like saying heavy and people were throwing stuff at him next minute the lights went on the Brookside theme tune came

on and Jimmy Cork Hill came down the ramp and he got in the ring and went this is my city and smacked them class really good so that's where I was Johnny I think that was a dream no no it's there I've been in it There's a There's a An Instagram page called No No context Jimmy Corkill Yeah Screen's not on mate

Oh the screen's gone off Fucking hell But Oh my god But yeah So that's where I was I was just watching Jimmy Corkill

Come back down the ramp To the Brookside thing That is absolutely allowed If you're ever gonna drift off On this podcast Drift off for that Shall we crack on What was the advice One more question Go on ever going to drift off on this podcast. Drift off for that. Shall we crack on?

What was the advice? One more question, go on. Paul Brooks says, Brooks, sorry. All right, fellas. The missus went out with a mate the other day who I describe as the ringer for Ursula from The Little Mermaid. She randomly asked her,

could she use my cock to make dildos to sell online? Should I let her? What if she used it on herself or unknowingly people close to me buy them tar lad

so Paul Brooks has gone out with his missus who makes who makes her own dildos she must use

like models yeah like you can you put your cock in the thing and it moulds her I'm telling you

right now we should make half a wordaited ones of these. Right. For Christmas. Cool. We could sell them on the website. LifeSat? Yeah.

No? Handshaws if you want. Thank you. Can we reduce mine again? Okay, cool. Can we... The spare rubber from yours, can we put it in mine?

The post-it packaging on ours, it would make it viable. Yeah. So, Ursula, the mate, wants to make a... Stop being a pussy, Paul. You big shithouse. I have no problem. Put your cock on sale.

Yeah. Would you have a problem if Louise came to you and went, listen, Mandy, you know Mandy who makes the dildos. She wants to use your cock. She wants a cast of your dick to... With a surname like that, what was she ever going to do for a living? I just don't know why I don't know why

He's saying Ursula From the little mermaid What's that got any reference to Because that's not Ursula from the little mermaid It's the big octopus Yeah I think he's being a bit of a dick about it

He's being a prick about it Yeah I think he's saying His friend's ugly So that she wouldn't want Like the The friend's ugly So is it okay

To give her the dick Yeah Do you know what I mean Like if it was My friend looks like Ariel from The Little Mermaid Like fit Oh she could have been

Then she No then It's bad to give her it Because it's like She's fit Yeah I have my cock But she's like Ursula So take a mold of my cock

Oh yeah I think He's definitely having a dick Just google the age of Ariel In The Little Mermaid 16 Is she younger than like 10 Fucking hell good guess 16

Dan knows she's just legal I didn't know that because you know she's legal I'm into Rapunzel me it's yeah honestly I think once you've had a cast mate

of your dildo you've just got to let it go out into the world no one knows it's yours unless you like sign it a lot of porn stars do that like I know your man the Italian guy

he's got his Rocco S man The Italian guy He's got his Rocco Sifridi Yeah he's got his Beast Too quick How do you know that? How many inches?

16 How do you know A male porn star's full name? You don't know Rocco So he's the one Because he's very famous He's very famous Yeah and we're not

Tuning in for Rocco He's just You know Show me his face I want to see his car No you don't want to see his face. There he is on screen. Oh, I don't even recognise him.

Let's see his cock. Yeah, because he's white. There you go. That is a willy. Really? Oh, my Jesus Christ. That is a lengthy willy. Might have another wee brandy in.

That's why we got a new studio. Lovely for that screen, but yeah. Paul, just honestly, take the compliment brandy in that's why we got a new studio lovely for that screen but yeah Paul just honestly take the compliment and just get your knob out get it stuck in a

bit of cat I actually want to do this I've thought about this before today sell Adam No Cox on the halfway of Mains website

I'm sick of you saying it stop calling meetings about it you're like we've got to be in at 8am because I want to

talk about the dick mould only 6 women have seen it this year so what about all the other ones who are missing out yeah

send it out internationally send it to Africa you know you know people are starving they've all got willies over there oh that's true

it would sell to be fair yeah of course it would I think Finn would have the most popular dick yeah because it's going to be the biggest one Finn's course it would. I think Finn would have the most popular dick. Yeah, because it's going to be the biggest one. Finn's got an absolute fucking Lenny on him.

Do you think Adam would honestly let us put his erect penis in a mould and then sell the actual... Yes. You definitely wouldn't. You would be at the supplier going, that's a fucking 1.5 on that. You'd definitely not let it just go out au naturel. Right. Would you really?

I'm secure with my willy. We're fucking doing this. A hundred percent. Oi, mate, Paul, could you get us in touch with Ursula? Because we want her to come down and cast some knobs. Go to moemycock.com. I'm looking for a few stocking fillers, like, so put me down as well.

I'll get it done. Wow. It's a big stocking fillers like so put me down as well i'll get it well it's a big stocking there we go you can do it at home sounds irish amazon Sounds like a town just outside Cork. Have you known the Clone of Willy? Are you from Clone of Willy? That's offensive. Peep that out. That's the line.

I'm from Clone of Willy. What colour are you going? Black. Yours? Yeah. You're making yours black. There you go. Yours looks like that.

Yeah. I want mine to be the rainbow. Gelified? Yeah, I'd go original flesh. Would you go tr Yours looks like that. Yeah. I want mine to be the rainbow. Jellified? Yeah, I'd go original flesh tone. Would you go tricolour? Dad dark? Yeah, I've said this. Brown willies.

Brown willies for dads. Lamb of lamb. Have all dads got dark willies? Everyone knows that. I've said this so many times. Everyone knows that. You love the brown. 36.

I love the proudest William here By a million miles It's just It's bruising No it's dark It's dark as you get As you get older Exactly

And you become a dad It's the molecules In the lady Dark William Do you remember Like your dad Walking about the house Naked

When you're growing up No alright Yeah dark willy Adam's gonna go to Manchester to Get free webs Yeah Whoa black willy

Well So are we Is that Are we done then We can't do it without him He gets FOMO Yeah We could just do

We'll just do a have a word Without you Have a great time Nope You go Nope Well this is what happened Last time

No no He got off He got off I need to go out into town with my cool shoes yeah with stickers on the name thank you stitch fix i felt like a fucking dick before but now i feel cool probably gonna go to a meeting you don't look like you're going to a meeting. I feel like it. You look like you're taking your adult children on a camping trip that none of yous want to go on. That's the most specific dig ever, and I accept it.

Johnny, thanks for coming in. Guys, it's been great. Third time. Love the new studio. Keep doing what you're doing. You know, keep pushing that content out that patreon make sure you sign up with that camera there get on it uh where did you where do you want us to post the dicks do you want just one or do you want the full set i'll i'll take them all

all right like one of each all right well you um none of these are going to be named and hey if you want to come to hey if you want to come to bingo get your tickets at bongo's bingo.co.uk probably sold out but Listen there's a chance Yeah but specifically Some tickets left for December At the minute All gone

Specifically Wow Have you just released January and February though January and February alright In all those locations like Southampton Galston-on-Sea

Glasgow So yeah Shrewsbury Student one In Liverpool Hello Shrewsbury student one Yeah Liverpool Hello Shrewsbury Student one Yeah oh there's a student one left Yeah

On 15th of November You have to have a student card But I tell you what If you get a fake ID Come down The next one I think these These shoes

Scream student If you come dressed like that You'll feel old as fuck I can't do them anymore Student shows Feel too old Really When a 45

At bingo When number 45 Comes out I'll do a little Call and response I'm gone Brim full of Asher On the

Student show Fuck all On the 31st Of New Year's Eve You've got five You've got five For New Year's Eve

I've got five In Liverpool At all of those shows Five bad boys With a part of Rocky Mad Greatest boy band In my opinion

Ever So many bangers Heavy I'm going to try and go to that Because I love five New Year's Eve Hey did you enjoy Thanks for coming to the

Epic XL show Incredible It was good to have you there Was that your biggest one ever I think so yeah In the exhibition centre Fuck me Britney Spears

Robbie Williams Yeah Spice Girls Venga Boys Venga Boys The real Venga Boys Thanks for coming down It was good to see you

It's an absolute pleasure Johnny Can I still come down now? Well you want to bring All the school mums don't you? Yeah We can sort that out Not all of them now

But most of them Not all of them? Yeah We'll pick and choose Yeah That outfit goes With a brandy And coke

And a wine glass as well Yeah Come down Yeah Bring the school mums Is it Cheshire? Yeah Cheshire school mums This is good is it Cheshire yeah Cheshire school

mums this is good you'll be king dick in the old school absolute top shelf brand ladies and gents

thank you very much for listening and watching give it up for Johnny Bongo we've added some floor seats for

the arena mate if they are still available they are floor seats floor as for the arena there's 90 added mate if they are still available they are floor seats floor as in the best seats in the Garth

gigsandtours.com or ticketcourse.co.uk 90 were added there was 150 tickets left so there was 240 in total we already know some of them are shifting

there will be less than 200 tickets left by the time this goes on Patreon and by the time it goes public there will probably be less than 100 will you save me a couple? Save you a couple, lads.

You're on the guest list, you know what I mean? Yes. All right. Au revoir. Drive safe. Bye.