Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #198 - Have A Word w/Adam & Dan

Episode Date: November 14, 2022

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Oh, you think darkness is your ally. Cha! Upset me, nasty bitch. The star style. Darkness is your ally. Cha! Upset me, nasty bitch! Disgusting! Wag wag leads, you're listening to the funniest podcast in the game with Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn. Shut up, Finn. You good-looking, big-fingered Welsh weirdo.

This is the one and only, the now infamous, the soon-to-be legendary. Have a word. Go, Ed. Get on me. Cherry jus. Yes. Sounded good that, didn't it, that Johnny Bongo was talking about? The duck.

Oh. I mean, I'll never eat it, but... Duck's good, you know. Have you ever had hoisin? It's a very greasy bird. It is a greasy bird. Yeah. And I don't mind a greasy bird.

Neither do I. Apparently is a greasy bird. Yeah. And I don't mind a greasy bird. Neither do I. Apparently it is greasy. It is, yeah. It's nice though. When you cook it, you have to have it on a little tray and it's like, oh, I'm juicing. It's all upon water. No.

Yeah? No. That's where ducks live, Dan. You're being dead silly. If you cook a duck, you have to put it in a cage so that it doesn't fly out of it. Oh, you cook live? You've got to.

Oh, is that better for the flavour? No, no, no. What about the death squawk? What about the death squawk? What death squawk? Well, when, you know. No, you put loud music on. Ah.

And you pull it to tongue out. Oh, cooking duck must be entertaining. You pull it to tongue out before you do anything. Yeah. And you pull it to tongue out before you do anything. And you put loud music on. I like to shut up. As she comes to me, like, I'm a duck, but sound. You're putting a duck in an oven, live,

and to make it be quiet, you threaten it. That'll do something really bad if you start fucking squawking. Yeah, you'll torture them yeah or slow cook yeah John does over quickly

but but listen all the vegetarians better for the flavour is that what you're saying much better for the flavour yeah plus the greasy

yeah the tea is like sort of um can I answer I thought Matt Quack

Quack Will Quack yeah yeah is that the is that the food that the chinese restaurant they bring it over and then a woman gets two forks yeah yeah in any accent that's also what my mom used to do to my spaghetti bolognese for me she did up until i was about, I'd never had spaghetti bolognese where the spaghetti and the bolognese hadn't been cut up and mixed together. Oh, but it makes sense. I mean, it tastes the same. Yeah, but when you're-

It doesn't taste well better if your mum doesn't throw you in scatty's and up. No, I'm saying when you do that yourself. What? How do you eat it now? Do you not mix it together now? No, I mean, I do, but what I'm saying is she would cut,

like the spaghettis would end up being like this big like a child but i had it from being a kid i never knew any different yeah but when you're a kid it's like i watched jack miss his mouth with fucking cheerios so it's just making i was still missing my mouth with spaghetti bolognese until i was 20. Fucking hell, just that dish though. Everything else I had it nailed. Forget about these. Fucking hell. Bought a decorator for Thursday,

we're having spag bol Wednesday night. How much your favorite non-edible bird? Excuse me. I'll tell you this, they're all edible if you try hard enough. I don't know if you've ever tried hawk. Ooh. A sweet meat.

But only if I shot it. Is that what you want to hear? That's the hunter in me. Hunting is just barbaric. It's disgusting. Oh, let's not get on this. Cooking a duck live. That's all about the flavour.

As long as you caught it in the park. Some kid. Adam Rowe chasing ducks. Come here, you cunt. Apparently. You're not meant to give ducks, but apparently.unt apparently you're not meant to give ducks bread apparently yeah you're not meant to hunt them either

little rules they don't usually put that on the side please can no 30 year olds fucking chase ducks around come here you're not meant to give fish bread either

no I've never given any fish bread when you throw it in the pond because the ducks eat it and then the fish eat it what you shouldn't throw bread in ponds

that's the bottom line oh it's you and water again to be honest don't go anywhere near ponds very dangerous it'll be deep it'll be shallow but you don't know that's carl's psa about all water yeah apparently giving ducks bread is really bad for them because they don't like carbs it's not like because ducks are keto yeah but bread no it's because it's not part of the natural diet is it because we've invented bread yeah no shit ducks don't know what bread is what about they don't know how to make it what about quacksons right you can have them i just had to check what podcast we're on oh yeah we're on ours hang on you can have pano chocolate as well yeah ducks are only allowed to eat anything they can either find or make

it's in their rules you can't give a duck like a mixed girl why it can find all them animals it'd be funny watching you try though wouldn't it big board of fucking meat. He's not going for the fucking ribeye. Weird ducks, aren't they? Ducks can find, you can't give it like a brain licker.

You can give it meat because it can find them animals. If you throw a brain licker at a duck. No. Ducks can't eat cows. This is the stupidest chat we've had for a while, and we've opened the show with it. Like, just because ducks can, like,

quack, quack, quack, cow, nice one. What if a duck finds a dead cow? No, but a duck could eat a cow that's died of natural causes. What you mean is a duck couldn't kill a cow, and I'll back you on that. I'll go cow every day. I reckon a duck could kill a cow. No, several ducks. No, if a duck snuck up behind the cow

and spitted on the bollocks now a duck conspiracy could kill cow is that the plural? yeah cow is the plural of cow look at all the cow sorry can you just talk me through your cow death if the duck sneaks up on the cow, or cow,

and bites it on the bollocks, and it just hangs there for a couple of days. Yeah, but it would need to be distracted by a flash mob of other ducks. A flash mob of other ducks. What do all those ducks do, pretending to read the paper? Oh, I know. They're a flash mob. It's actually duck.

The plural of duck is duck. No, it's actually duck. The plural of duck is duck. No, it's duck eye. Cows do die if they are shocked. There was that farmer in the Lake District that tried to sue the Ministry of Defence because they were... Because they were in his car. The MOD were like, new tactic, scare the enemy.

Let's test it on cows in the Lake District. Shocked as in scared. Well, they were a fighter. Any animal dies if you electric shock them. The fighter. It's a different type of shock though, isn't it? They used to kill people in America like that. Oh yeah, shit.

In a chair. Imagine how long it would take to scare someone to death. You got one shot. The only way you'd be able to do that is by sort of telling them that they were not guilty, because otherwise they'd be expecting it and wouldn't be able to shock them. If someone was on death row,

you can't scare them to death by shocking them because they're expecting it. But if you had someone, oh, did George come back not guilty? He's like, hey! He might shit himself and die then. What the fuck do you have to be

to have someone still in front of you and be like, you're free. Hey! Oh. I wasn't expecting you to change stance so quickly. I mean, it doesn't work. P.S. by the way, we just convened a jury and didn't tell you to change stance so quickly P.S. by the way

we just convened a jury and didn't tell you about it that's what we do here one of our weird state laws you had a retrial that you knew nothing about and here's a piece of paper is this crayon? yeah it's my dad doing it, state of execution when you go oh no, a minute to go

you're not going to die do it like 11 times do you know it was only yesterday the tennessee outlawed slavery properly you get it up so slavery is still legal in most of the united states as a punishment right so you know like forcing prisoners to have jobs yeah is it is it a little bit weird that you found this out about six months before we go to Tennessee? Just feel like Adam's just been doing a bit of research. Doesn't work as much now.

Because there was a big vote in America yesterday. Right, okay. It only passed with 80% of the vote. Yeah, the other 20% were like, yeah, let's keep it. Because it's not like they're just, it's not old school slavery where they're going to another country and bringing people back and going, listen, get in the garden. I want fucking flowers out there next week. Yeah. It's not like that slavery where they're going to another country and bringing people back and going, listen, get in the garden. I want fucking flowers out there next week.

It's not like that. That was slavery. It was gardening. It was big plantation owners going, can't pop all these flowers. It was extreme gardening. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd like some nice shrubbery over there,

but it wasn't too hot for me to do it I know what we need to do get the ship yeah it's not like that it's forcing prisoners to have jobs yeah like when they're in prison

that's now illegal in Tennessee right that was the last bastion of slavery it's to making people like do jobs when they're... It's like making stuff in it for the outside world. Right. Or jobs within the prison.

It's like make these shoes. It's not allowed to if they want to. Yeah. Like, if you're in prison, you're allowed to paint if you can get your hands on some paint and become an artist. But they can't force you. I love that that's what the slavery was, wasn't it?

It wasn't like a death row fucking art shop. I don't know about slavery. I haven't looked into it. No, but when they make it, like, doing leather work, this is just all from films, but then they are just, like, on a production line, weren't they, just doing basically... With slaves.

Like, slave labour, like sweatshop conditions, where they're doing, like, a manual crappy job, but getting no pay for it as part of their prison term. They get like pennies of commissary, don't they? Yeah, but they haven't got a choice. No. So that's been... That's slavery, isn't it?

No forced gardening. No forced gardening. Right. Can still lock you up though. I think I'd do well in prison. I'm starting to think I'd be fine. Maximum security? No, well, what am I going to do

with maximum security? You're bummed. No, I mean, what am I going to do to be in maximum security? Mass murder. Oh, right. That's what we all think.

I always just thought, you know, like a minor offence and I get done, like tax evasion or something. No, like Bronson. You go in for like fraud or something little, like, I don't know,

punching this traffic warden. Classic fraud move. You've been done for fraud I don't know, punching this traffic warden. Classic fraud move. You've been done for fraud. Why? Because you punched that traffic warden. No, because you say you didn't. Right. Trying to scare cows.

But then in the prison, you kill like 15 people and you end up going up the fucking ranks. Yeah, no, that's not why. I just wanted a bit of peace and quiet, you know, and I just get on with some reading. I wasn't going to go in and then kill 15 people that's not when i said i'm going to do well in prison it wasn't me going in and fucking shanking 15 people in the first three days even in a minimum security prison

there's still a top dog isn't there what if he doesn't like you in a minimum in a minimum security prison yeah the one where it's just all fucking bankers and no it doesn't matter middle aged men peter there's a top there's a top there's a top dog peter there's still someone in there prison yeah the one where it's just all fucking bankers and no it doesn't matter middle-aged men peter there's a top there's a top there's a top dog peter there's still someone in there who's you know he runs the gaff he's still got all the fucking prison guards in his pocket right the minimum security prison where you can just walk out if you want no that's not minimum security yeah it is nothing in a tesco. No, it is. That's exactly what minimum security... There literally isn't walls.

You think there's a fucking top dog of, like, top boys. You think it's... Do you mean you can just walk out? That's not prison, then, is it? That's a hotel. It absolutely is prison. They're meant to be there. But if they walk off, they go,

yeah, you're going to get caught, and then you'll get a further sentence in a higher security prison. Okay, well, then, the next... The penultimate security prison, where it's, like, one up from that way. Oh, penult higher security prison okay well then the next the penultimate security prison where it's like one up from that

oh penultimate security prison because they're well known is cat A, B and C cat C has walls what cat C has walls there are prisons maybe not all of them

they're not prisons they're detention centres they're not prisons you don't get sentenced to somewhere you can just walk out of yeah because your absolute minimum risk

they know you're serving your time there's no need for security because no one runs off no but I don't think that's a I don't think you get sentenced to

a minimum security I think you end up there after a longer term you end up going you've got to earn your yeah you don't go I'll go there you can go home

if you want but don't I think it's like a halfway house I mean to be fair go back to that last picture Finn no just click back on your browser like twice yeah see him like i back myself to be able to scale that fence yeah because he's just that have you seen bastoy prison where's that uh it's norway is it it's meant to be be the nicest prison in the world. It's on an island.

And you're like... It's a lovely place to live, but your punishment is not being able to see your family and live a normal life. Yeah, minimum security. The absolute lowest level of security. No, it's not minimum security. It's on an island.

You can't escape. It is a prison if you get a prison sentence and then they deem you as not a flight risk or not an escape risk because you're basically doing two months. You are no physical risk to anyone. They don't need massive walls because the people in there have been banged by a system. They know they're not trying to run off because they're smart.

They've been convicted, but there is no need to waste money on massive walls and loads of security because the fuckers don't run off because they're two months away from going back to their wealthy lifestyle. They've been done for whatever, you know, like. Yeah, so you go there at the end of your sentence. You don't go there just for your term.

You still go to a category C prison. You wouldn't just go there for your sentence. For the last two months, three months of your term, you end up going there, yeah? And then you end up getting like, you can go on release

for like jobs and go home for a night as well. But you don't get sentenced to go to them places. Yeah, but you don't go, if you're just normal bloke who's done for one of these like white collar crimes, you don't go in with fucking top dog.

You don't go to cat A prisons. No, okay, cool. No, because that's like- I don't think I do well there. You're talking about C. Oh, I think- What about B? Oh, B?

You mean penultimate prison? Well. Yeah. Bringultimate prison? Yeah. Well. Yeah. Bring my shank. Yeah. So it's people who've, like, you know, they haven't mailed anyone,

but maybe, you know, they've fucking been caught interfering with an animal. What? That is cat B. Rabbit botherers. What? It's full of them. The beast... Beastie Alley wing.

Why am I with the squirrel fuckers? Hang on, Google this. I've just done a bit of fraud or twatted a traffic ward. If you shag some kind of... No, just please, no, don't Google that thing. Google, how do you end up in a category... Things that you put in a category B. I think Walton's.

I'm getting that wrong. Walton and Carter, actually. Category B prisons. There you go. Prison crimes. Here we go. Cattering B. Violence you go Here we go Violence or threat to life Arson, firearms, drugs, sexual offence

Or robbery Yeah I'm not doing well there So you've Threatened to arson Your ex-girlfriend's Mother-in-law Hang on I've threatened to arson so i've said i'm gonna

burn your fucking gaff down to my ex-girlfriend who is now remarried yeah and i've remarried no she's married someone and i've threatened him his dad no mom no no you said mother-in-law yeah hey mother-in-law so his mom yeah so yeah that's what i just said his mom you said mother-in-law. Yeah, hey, mother-in-law. So... His mum. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I just said. His mum. You said his dad. His dad. Okay, his mum. Right.

It's a convoluted way you're getting to... What have they done? I don't know. You threatened them. Oh, right. You're right. I did. I threatened to burn their house down.

No, I don't think I'd do well there. I reckon you would. No. I want to go cat-see. No, you have to act a bollocks, don't you? Can you tell there i reckon you would no i want to go go in no you have to act a bollocks don't you i can can can you tell me what gets you in cat c because i don't think you're going in cat b if you're done i'm just doing friendly crimes uh ready okay oh called somebody crimes is this is this the worst one oh it is the same. Carl's right. You do get, you get promoted to Cat C,

don't you? Yeah, it's the same. It's the same things. Apart from importation. Are they criminology though? What's category A then? Is that the lowest one? No, that's the worst.

A is the worst. Cat A is the naughty man. Like you've propagated. Yeah. Wounding with intent. Manslaughter. Do you know what Supermax is? In Colorado.

Hang on, hang on. Let's just go through can we just go hang on chill it's a bag of I just want to go what's cat A super mix

indecent assault robbery conspiracy to rob firearms wounding with intent fucking hell this is just your school isn't it

explosives yeah yeah lord possessing or supplying explosives do you know a couple of weeks ago

me and Carl we're very close to doing that. Right. Straight around to your ex-girlfriend's mother-in-law's. Get him Colorado Supermax up. This is a bastard. This is the number one prison in the world. Like we had... In Colorado?

El Chapo was there. She drank Colorado with feet taken. Like it's horrendous Oh my god That's the panopticon actually That's a very old style of punishment

Yeah I just don't feel I do as well I thought you could just go into a nice Do you know the logic behind that style of prison It's called the panopticon

So that in the middle is where the fucking governor where he sits or does he that's the point He can see

every cell at all times and the idea is people behave better in there because they feel like they're constantly being watched

is it the governor or is it just some screw that's in the watchtower that's the governor's office is that their bollock hole that's the governor's office

yeah what an awful office that is and they tease the prisoners sometimes they end up playing poker with his mates, having shots of double jack on the rocks. Getting sucked off.

Getting sucked off. Playing dice. And they're all sat there. Sometimes all at once. What would be the thing that you miss most if you went into a really high security prison? Bed. A proper good bed.

What was it? Honestly, I think I'd have porn withdrawal so fucking quick. He puts Netflix on sometimes, right? And puts it on silent and puts the foreign subtitles on so no one can understand what's going on. He fucks himself over. No, he's got headphones on. Just gets one of those things from Yo Sushi

so the TV just goes round the office. You know, they have like the food going round. Just to wind up. They can only watch like a 30 second thing. from Yo Sushi so the TV just goes round the office. You know they have like the food going round just to wind up oh! They can only watch like a 30 second thing. He puts the footy on but he zooms in so he can't see the score

all the time so no one knows what's going on. Disgust. Hunt, let's go for it. Just a bad guy. Shouldn't be in any position of power as far as I'm concerned.

Just has the SPL on and everyone's like oh come on. With a lockdown for 23 hours a day and then they get to go and stand in a cage For an hour outside

Yeah I think I'd have Porn withdrawals I'm sure you'd be able To get it you know Can you not use Your imagination for that though Have you not got enough Porn storage in your brain

Can you not sort of Imagine the stuff you watch It all gets muddled in There's so much porn in there It's like Isn't that better though It's like black White noise

Because like You're You're restricted To aren't you? To what has been made with porn. But with your imagination, anything can happen. Yeah. I totally know what you mean.

Your favourite porn star? You can have Ace of A's if you want. Yeah, I know, but I can't. 16 of A's. You know... Who is your favourite porn star? I just, I love the game game i don't know of any particular player i love the rapper that's his favorite porn star

yeah yeah hh bumming stephanie mcmahon i'm repeating um i just i i don't have the focus anymore to to stay in the to stay in the moment. When I was younger, I had a phenomenal imagination. I think every young man has a directorial talent in them to be able to create. But now it's just a fucking muddle of too many things. I do feel like I direct when I have an imagination. Sometimes I yell, cut, and get them to do it again. Yeah.

No, no, no. I don't believe you want his cock. I need to see it in your eyes. Come on, Stephanie. I overthink it. I start thinking about what's on the rider. Cut! Where are the quattles?

There's no pastries. Yeah, yeah, I really do. Don't give down to the ducks. From before. No, no. One conversation. I'm sure you get access to some porn, you know. Because do you want to-

Drawings. Yeah, the guards draw you some porn every day. Up until yesterday, they had this prisoner's drawing the porn in Tennessee. To sell out of the prison. No, it was their slavery thing. They were like, you're not drawing porn for everyone else. Right. Right. No, it was their slavery thing. They were like, you're not drawing porn for everyone else.

Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Makes sense. You don't want you to be all like het up. Big boners running around. You don't have one to be cummed.

I've never heard that before. So they probably give you like some really soft core, easy stuff. You're like, I draw it and have a cock have a cock keep me going for a week that would

quality who's done this the governor you can see there he is got an easel fucking sketching away you know what

you've all been really naughty I'm not letting you out without any porn big pair of tits hey and guess who's getting this sell 317

sell 317 get a big big pair of tits and I've done them in pink next week is bum week enjoy bing bong governor's been drawing it would be mental Next week is bum week. Enjoy. Bing bong.

Governor's been drawing. It would be mental if you were insane, an insane governor. Everyone's going to like my drawings. Genuine question, right? Will it be? Genuine question, right? Is there any other type on this podcast? You're in prison for life.

This is for you as well, Kyle. You're in prison for life this is for you as well Carl you're in prison for life life life no parole what have we done no parole what what have we done

you were conspiring to assassinate the government all of them all of them you're gonna you're gonna nuke the houses of parliament

Jordan Prime Minister's question so we're the new Guy Fawkes oh I know yeah but like Guy Spoons yeah I reckon you're gonna see some sortawkes oh no yeah but like Guy Spoons yeah I reckon you're going to see some sort of punishment for nuclear explosives

right so Guy Spoons you're in prison for life no parole oh no because it's the UK you've avoided the death penalty

so congratulations to both of you right do you think right so you've been in there for a long time do you think if you had let's in there for a long time do you think if you had let's say it's a slightly feminine cellmate yeah absolutely do you think you'd end up fucking him if he was up for it not against his will you're not that guy how long have i been there

25 years how long do you think it'll take for you to want to 25 weeks what yeah 25 years yeah ages Dan's court case hasn't even finished yet he's bumming everyone he might be able to go home I've bummed half the week has the jury reached a verdict

yeah has it I can go home what is it Dan you'd have been in Cat C by now stop bumming everyone. I'd be the effeminate one.

Hello, that's okay. Are you Mexican? Do you know what effeminate means? No, that's okay. No, not a Mexican effeminate. Another bueno. Yeah, you can be who you want in prison, can't you? 25 years.

I want to be Consuela. That's okay. That's Scarface. Say a lot to my little bumhole. Evita! Probably 10 years, I'd say. Say, I think you're wrong. I don't think there's much difference between, like,

six months and 40 years. Yeah, no, your hope's gone by then. After six months, you're like, yeah, I still might be able to get out of here. And then the hope, like... No, no, no. You've got no parole. No, but you don't know that.

Have you ever seen Shawshank? Yeah, no, this one's no parole. There's no parole. I'm not appealing. I've stopped appealing. No, there's no appeals. You were caught. Like, there's photographs of you lighting nukes outside.

Lighting nukes. And what do we always say about nukes? You never go back to a lit nuke. That's a fact. I remember that. Nukie night. Keep your sparklers away from your nuclear weapons. When you've got a nuclear warhead,

make sure your dad is doing it, okay? And then stand back. And wear gloves. The amount of times I've been to, like, bonfire night and seen people lighting nuclear warheads and not wearing gloves, and you're like, you're mad. They've gone to prison. They've caught you lighting nuclear warheads.

And you had two cameras. You're on footage going, look at my nuke. I'm going to set this off now and kill every politician, all of them dead. Will, are you available to film that? Will's like, yeah, I know he threatened to blow up parliament, but look at the film quality.

Look at these cameras. Is it a live stream, Adam? What? Is it a live stream? No. So have I done it? You got caught while you were videoing it. Oh, and they confiscated the camera.

You put it on Patreon. You put it on Patreon. But the government signed up sneaky. Them clever authorities signed up to Patreon. First on Patreon. You put it on Patreon. But the government signed up. Sneaky. Them clever authorities signed up to Patreon. First Tory Patreon. And then you had appeals, but they did them dead quick because they ate you.

You had all your appeals in the first fortnight and lost them all. I don't think I'm bumming a man after six months. No. I think you'd be hard-pressed not to. What if he smelled nice? Smells nice. Long hair.

No beard. W waxes his bum all Mexican accent that's okay where am I what prison am I in why is there a long hair Mexican with no beard no

I didn't say he was Mexican I said he just had that voice strange ways I'm in Manchester strange ways that's okay do I start so after six months do I start engaging in anal sex with men?

With one specific, really fit man? No. No? Probably a couple of years. Ten. Do you reckon your age... Don't give me a couple of years. Ten.

Do you reckon your age would be any different after two years than six months? Yeah, absolutely they would. Because then men would start becoming more viable, wouldn't they? do you reckon your age would be any different after two years than six months yeah absolutely he would because then men would start becoming more viable wouldn't he I'm not going to walk in and go right

I'm bumming you next week because I know I'm going to want it what if you fell in love that's different isn't it maybe that could happen what if he looks and smells

exactly like Seneca so it's a man you know it's a man but he looks sounds it is to your eyes and he is Seneca can to your eyes and he is

Seneca can I just say something he sounds beautiful and what's the stunning what's the difference supple

yeah the accent and it's okay you can call me Seneca so it's a Mexican Seneca in prison in strange ways

and she has female genitalia no there's a cock there then yeah I'd do probably three or four days that's okay

I'm so supple yeah strange ways yeah I'm from Newton and Willows don't worry about me don't worry about me but when you're in a strange way

you gotta do something to survive what's he done to be in prison this man what's his name Juanito what what's his name Sito what what's his name

Seneca his name's Jeff just don't get don't you're getting very taken with this accent thing I am he's just got in there

quite stuck a bit of lipstick up right why why is this being aimed at me now I'm sure Dan was in this yeah but

oh cause I'd be I'd be in there would you be the bummy or the bummer what the postman or the letter well you know was in this? Oh, I'd be, I'd be in there. Would you be the bummy or the bummer? What? The postman or the letter?

Well, you know, you go with what you know first. Postman or the letter? Postman or the letter? Either car? Would you be the UPS driver or the UPS truck?

Well, would you work for DPD or every? You know what I'm saying? Not at all. I think you do. Would you work at the sorting station within the, what?

Dick pounding. I go, you know, I go postman initially. Yeah. You mix it up. And then courier after that. What? I don't know. You just carry someone else's fucking life.

Yeah, you've got to be the postman. Unless he wants to rim me. What job's that? You make a Jeff sad. Window cleaner? Oh, nice. Good. Prison, ladies and gents.

Are you the window cleaner or the window? No. So, famous save. Have you ever eaten duck, Dan? What I'm saying is, never tried duck. so famous save have you ever eaten duck Dan what I'm saying is never tried duck never tried duck

and you know what after all of that chat I think I'm open to it also rimming a guy called Geoff from Newton Lee Willows with a Mexican accent and if I could do the two After all of that chat, I think I'm open to it. Also, rimming a guy called Geoff from Newton Leigh Willows with a Mexican accent. And if I could do the two, what a date night that'd be. Hey, how you like your duck?

Duck and dick. Oh, what, what, what? In the bungalow. Shredded. And I'm talking about Geoff. What? No, I was talking about the duck. Good to know.

What if it was the best sex you've ever had? It could be. There's nothing wrong with that. You're not gay. I like bumming men. No, you don't like bumming men, but you like the sex. You're not instantly gay

because you are having sex with a man. I mean, you are instantly... Sounds gay. It does sound a bit gay, doesn't it? I'm not gay. I'm having sex with men, and I'm loving it. It's the best sex I've ever had sounds gay i'm not gay i'm sexual men and i'm loving it it's the best sex i've ever had but i'm not gay well you're bisexual i'll give you that you're definitely bisexual bisexual is a form of gay though isn't it do you know what i mean yeah it's on the spectrum of gay it It's in the LGBTQ. Is it? B is bisexual.

Yeah. LGB. I just thought, oh, well, okay, yeah. If you're bisexual, you're a little bit gay. You're a lot of it gay, aren't you?

You're 50-50. I just never, I just never, I just never thought, yeah, I agree, you're 50% gay. I just thought, just because you have sex with no one Doesn't make you Gay

Makes you like having sex with men though Yeah I mean you're right there You're absolutely Which is a bit gay It sounds But I just didn't think I genuinely didn't know

Bisexuality was classed as gay No I don't think it is I think I'm being very rude It's in The queer Queer Thank you Because queer is sort of

I know that Isn't it just it's own thing then? It doesn't have to be anything else Don't call my imaginary bisexuality gay then Because that was potentially Theoretically very offensive Yeah Queer isn't like an all in conversation

I know a bisexual person who identifies as queer I know a person who only has sex with members of the opposite sex who identifies as queer. Well, I know a seven-foot Viking who only shows dolphins, so why are we all trying to one-up each other here? What?

He is. When are we going drinking with that guy? Where's Thor? Where's Thor? I know. The fucking aquarium. As far as I'm aware queer is means different things

to different people but like a big part of it is I just know that I'm a bit different to the to society's norms so therefore

I am queer you define queer because queer used to be the used to be a slur derogatory term didn't it towards homosexuals

does queer sort of is it all a bit of the... When you're not queer, is a term used by those wanting to reject specific labels of romantic orientation, sexual orientation, and or gender identity. So they don't want to be labelled. So if you fuck dolphins, it could be a queer.

Yeah, but also if you're a man and you fuck women, you can be queer. If you're a woman and you fuck women, you can be queer. You don't want fuck women you can be yeah you don't want to be labeled except for that i'm quite liking queer yeah isn't queer an oxymoron then it's labeled the unlabelable you shouldn't call me because yeah potentially i don't think they're getting into the grammar of it like they're just like trying to identify their niche q that's the last one isn't it that was added wasn't it lgbt it's lgbtq plus because you can be asked because there's q i i a i it was lgb when i was at uni joe it was what lgbtq i a a i there's p as well now, isn't there? What's P? Pansexual. Don't say it.

No, I was going to say something else. Not good either. Don't say it. I'll say the other thing. Pansexual is you'll fuck anything. Google laughing. It's like you're not attracted to gender or anything like that. I thought pansexual was about the personality, not the... No, pansexual sort of is that.

So it's I'll fuck anything as long as you sound. Yeah, it's the person. Where's A? Why isn't Asexual in there? Asexual isn't there? It's just a plus. It's QIA, yeah. Oh, it's in the plus.

Yeah. Right. I honestly thought you said I-I-I at the end. I was like... I think we're adding too many letters. It's the cowboys, isn't it? There is an I one, though. Yeah.

I think you were right. LGBTQ-I-A. Get an outfit and you've got Google in I think you were right. LGBTQIA. Get an outfit and you've got Google in front of you, mate. All right, okay. But he's got a queer friend, so. QIA. There you go. What's the I?

Intersex. That's where you're really into it. I'm into it as well. Oh, that's so nice to find out you're LGBTQIA, guys. Oh, is everyone LGBTQ? No. No. Is cis not under it now?

Cis means you are the gender you were born as. Straight. Everyone can't be LGBTQIA, because then that's humans. Well, to be fair, I think the LGBTQIA actually quite exclusive and leaving us out. I want to be thrown in there as well.

H. I can't believe you just said you don't consider gay people humans. BTQIA actually quite exclusive and leaving us out I want to be thrown in there as well H I can't believe you just said you don't consider gay people humans who said that you no I didn't you inferred no I absolutely did not

you said the disgusting I disagree with you I absolutely did not you took the wrong inferencer you inferred that's the I inferred

wrong if you add heteros, the old hetero, the old cis. That's just everyone. Then it's literally everyone, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, inference denied. I was joking. Well, I was. This is not something I joke about. Back to prison. Aye, aye, aye! I'm Jeff Sexual. Riva! Why did they put plus plus is it because it's too long

of an acronym it's because there's getting it's getting a bit much in it the amount of like letters yeah lazy well that was potentially

dangerous wasn't it lot of fun though I think you know with Havit Wade you don't just have a laugh you learn yeah listen we don't know everything I like fun though i think you know with have a word you don't just have a laugh you learn yeah listen we don't know everything i like to learn i didn't know all them i didn't know the i i i i all them ones so no you didn't no i didn't and the people who were listening hopefully about 85 of them learns as well so there you go every day is a

school day it is here isn't it yeah who's your v Viking mate That fucks dolphins Just to remind us Even Even Even I forgot his name Even There's two of them He's the other Steve

What's his surname Stephen Very fair guy Hang on Are you going to say Van Hennig of Hessling It's Jan Van Hennig of Hessling

Jan Van Hennig of Hessling But he calls him Even for sure Who's now a Viking That fucks dolphins That's a tricky retirement isn't it of Hessling. It's Jan Venegor of Hessling. Jan Venegor of Hessling. But he calls him even for sure. Who's now a Viking that fucks dolphins. That's a tricky retirement, isn't it? You said it.

What a name, though. What a fucking name. That's not his name. Jan Venegor of Hessling. No, his name's Jan Venegor and he's like

the mayor of Hessling, isn't he, in Holland? Yeah, but when he was a player. Yeah, I know, but he's just been aelink, isn't he? In Holland. Yeah, but when he was a player. Yeah, I know. But he's just been a dickhead, wasn't he? What? That's his surname?

I thought he was called Jan Venego of Hesselink. No, it's of Hesselink in Holland. So why do I know him as Jan Venego of Hesselink? No, that was his footballing name, but that's not his birth name. Yes, it is. No, it isn't. His full name is Jan Venegor of Hesselink.

I fully accept your apology. Gibraltse say of Frodjum. Right, let's have some duck. What's happening, everyone? It's time to tell you about our sponsor, Mansca have some duck. What's happening, everyone? It's time to tell you about our sponsor, Manscaped.com, who are now available in all Tesco retail stores all over Ireland. So if you're from the Emerald Isle and your balls need a bit of a whiz, get down to Tesco, buy yourself a Manscaped,

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worldwide and 20% off. Irelandwide! That's our gift to you Because we're sound Christmas is coming Your cock is getting hairy Shave it off

Kill Kenny And find yourself a Manny Galway Cork Dublin And Dundalk Part two Of three

No guests today So you'd only get three Fucking free Be grateful We had a guest. Fucking three. We had a guest booked. What? We didn't have a guest booked. They're dead. They died.

We did have a guest booked a while back. And then I thought about replacing them. And then sometimes I just like seeing you guys. That's nice, isn't it? That's lovely. Or you could be bothered booking another one. What? Or you could be bothered booking another one.

It's a quality thing, isn't it? Gotta get the quals. I agree agree if the qualls aren't there i'm just saying that felt like a dig at the people have not been on but there's a there's certain if there's a comedian in the uk who hasn't been on here we actively dislike them if they haven't been on it's either they're too big for us or i or dan or carl i like a personal problem with them pdk is coming on though now there's just there's some content in this industry it's about time someone told them if you haven't been on here if you haven't been invited it's personal some people have done it five times you haven't done it once yeah i like it when the uh the lids are listening

going i'm trying to stand up for the first time and now my new aim is to just get good at comedy and one day i'll be on the have a word couch cool we've got gaps we have so you won't you won't you won't be on it though you will never be good enough you will keep going your dreams will not come true you don't have what it takes i think you do maybe you know full well i love using you as the uh human shield can we can i feel bad for our skin my hand deals with that if you have repeatedly got in touch and asked to be on it genuinely and you haven't been on yet it's because i've asked dan and carl and they've said no we're looking forward to getting Peter Kay on though. That's going to be good. Because he's gigging again.

He loves comedians as well. And he's local. You should have thought of him already. Loves the chat. He loves talking about the game. Triple H. No. My favourite porn star.

Shall we do some questions? No Okie doke Freeform chat All yours Come on What books are you reading at the moment Adam? I've got a couple on the go

How many? Ten There you go That's just all that needs Dan Johnson says Hiya says eyelids which natural disaster would you choose to be stuck in if you had to pick one you've got to be stuck in a natural disaster not the wrestler bogs wrestlers tsunami earthquake fog tsunami earthquake hurricane or volcanic eruption you will live but you'll have to run a lot in all scenarios

to survive which would you most like to say you saw and lived through nice one Dan Johnson tsunami easy practice me surfing skills what's the film what's the film

where they oh my god it's so bad it's so well made what film yeah Ewan McGregor the impossible

about the about the tsunami on Christmas day Thailand 2004 or 5 oh shit

I remember that Christmas day my sister bought me a pair of Burberry boxer shorts and that was the real disaster and I thought it was an ironic present

and laughed and she didn't talk to me for the rest of christmas don't ever take that gamble if someone buys you a christmas presents don't go ah she's just what's the point you know the the the burberry check the burberry check yeah honestly she got them out and i was like thinking it was like a ali jio wow and she was pre-menstrual at christmas and fuming with me i think she's got everything right she put a lot of thoughts into that and you oh it was a misstep by me but i honestly thought we were doing like a fucking joke present and it was quite a cool present never laugh at the christmas present

yeah maybe her anger caused the tsunami ooh high pressure if a butterfly flaps its wings in Australia it can cause a hurricane in fucking Leighton Buzzard so common Adam went for

a far away place from Australia he went deep there Leighton Buzzard Leighton Buzzard sounds like an Australian as well wow

you have to really piss your sister off at Christmas he does doesn't he alright mate we're firing Leighton Buzzard by the way the best one

the best one to be caught in is an earthquake just stand in the middle of the road and you're fine aren't you not if the road breaks and falls into the abyss right

you never know no but like you can't run away from an earthquake can you you can't the earth Not if the road breaks and falls into the abyss. Right. You never know. You can't run away from an earthquake, can you? You can't. The earth. You just have to be really quick. What, run into the sky? I think you'd be safer in your garden in an earthquake rather than the road.

The road's man-made, there's more chance of it being... Yeah, it's your garden, it's just a natural... It lives on Lough Lane. No, I genuinely think if you've got a big enough garden, it's probably safer to stand in your garden than in the road. I've been in multiple earthquakes, by the way, when we were in Japan.

Oh. Just saying. I survived them all. Didn't realise we were talking to an earthquake survivor. There was an earthquake in the UK like five years ago. Yeah, natural disaster. It's an earthquake, yeah. Yeah, no, it's not.

Not all earthquakes are natural disasters. Yeah? No, they're not. Yeah? No, they're not. Yeah? No, they're not. They're not unnatural disasters. If you get a 4.2 on the Richter scale

and things shudder a bit, everyone's like, oh my God, that was a natural disaster. I think things have got to happen for it to be. You know, when I was a kid, I was told that the Richter scale

was named after Rick Waller because he was so fast and I believed it. The Rick Wall Wallace scale. That's a seven on the late buzzer. Seven Rick Wallas. Could have died. Luckily, you're in the street and not the garden.

Because the garden is a natural... full stop. That's the easiest to survive is an earthquake. Yeah, yeah. The tsunamis, you're not surviving the tsunami. Depends where your starting point is. No, you know what a tsunami is? It's a big wave.

Yeah, but you know, and it brings with it, like cars and stuff. Basically, you get run over in it by trees and that. Yeah. You can't sail over it. It's not, is it just a wave? It's a surge, isn't it? Yeah, have you seen the one in Fukushima?

A tidal wave is a wave. It's not... Is it just a wave? It's a surge, isn't it? Yeah, have you seen the one in Fukushima? A tidal wave is a wave. It's horrible. A surge, it's like... It goes so far inland and just takes everything with it. Yeah. It's just water, isn't it? Right. It's just a big free wash.

Cool. For the land. Cool. I've lost my family in a tsunami. Well, they'll be cleaner. What was the other one yeah the worst one by the way buying by a million miles is tornado and it isn't even close there's nothing you can do with the tornado coming at you what's the difference between a tornado and a hurricane isn't it concentrated difference madam a hurricane is just a storm a tornado is the actual is the actual

a cyclone then maybe difference but like do you know what I mean have you seen the film Twister with Jodie Foster haven't you so a tornado happens

in a hurricane does it whatever that is they're fucking terrifying if you see one of them in the distance you know you're fucked they're quite similar but

this is what Google says hurricanes are massive spinning formations of multiple thunderstorms. Tornadoes are a wind vortex. Wind vortex. They're the scary ones. Because that itch you, you're done, aren't you?

You can't fly. I think the volcano one would be dead cool. I would like to see that. It'd be really hot. It would. Just stand on the third floor and you're fine. I'm sure... Most volcanic eruptions that you see,

unless you're like on top of the fucking volcano, you're all right, volcanic eruptions that you see, unless you're like on top of the fucking volcano, you're alright, aren't you? You can just sort of walk down the hill. No. It depends if it's spewing. You've not heard of Pompeii?

Pompeii. Have you not heard of it? Maybe they were just dead slow walkers. It fucking, like, eviscerated a whole civilisation. That's a new word as well. Civilisation.

Eviscerated. It did. It killed them all. It's not a civilisation, though. It just fucking, like, larvoured a city, didn't it? They were civilised, though. Ah, there you go. Give an old dead man a smoke volcano.

Three people died in a car crash. That's the end of their civilisation. They were particularly polite people. Oh, that's the end of civilisation, yeah. You're not civil no more. They're dead.

How many people have you considered the end of a civilisation? What is the number? There must be a number. More than a... You know what a civilisation is, don't you?

Yeah. Go on then, what's a civilisation? A group of people who are really civil with each other. In a car. It's a people carrier. Or in Italy. End of the civilisation.

Like the Romans, the Egyptians, they were civilisations, weren't they? So they'd have to kill all of them. Pompey was part of Rome, the Roman Empire. Exactly, but they didn't kill all of them Pompeii was part of Rome the Roman Empire exactly but they didn't kill all of the Romans did they I know I agree

I will try my luck with volcanic eruption because what happened with Pompeii is the side of the mountain the side of the mountain where most volcanic eruptions it goes up from the top

it starts and it starts just working its way down like you'd have to be pretty unlucky to get the one where half the mountain just erupted

most of them are is that a natural disaster then Dan? right exactly a volcanic eruption is a natural is a yeah

no but you've just said a small earthquake not but a small volcanic one okay then I'll take a tsunami, but it's a really tiny one where it's just a fucking wave. It's just Rick Waller getting in the fucking swimming pool. You can't lower mine. Whoa, tsunami!

It sucks so wet! God, I nearly dined in that natural disaster. At least my feet are clean. You just said you walked away from those. I know. Yeah, I know. But not all. No, it's an all Pompeii. Minor earthquakes. Yeah, I know. But not all minor earthquakes. No, it's a Pompeii one.

Oh, it's a Pompeii one. Well, I won't pick that then. Okay. I'll pick another one. What other natural disasters are there? Godzilla. Oh, yeah. That'd be easy, though, wouldn't it?

Yeah. Just to stay by his feet. Just distract him with treats. I'd stay still in that. If it was a Godzilla, I'd godzilla stay still stand on the road i'd be holding bacon going yeah come here and there's your comes off or sausages yeah i'd stay very still because i think i've seen jurassic park's been very instructive in how to deal with t-rex i don't know godzilla but i'm sure it's t-reex-like. Stay still. That's how Godzilla sees

through movement. Through movement. Like a basilisk. Some twat like, oh no! A fucking Godzilla lake. Yeah? Go and eat that Geordie.

Whoa, man! It's a fucking massive lake! What's he doing in heaven? Heaven? Dan went for somewhere on Tyneside and he got heaven who would you be more scared of because his mate's from there

have you looked out the window Godzilla or King Kong if I looked out the window monkeys are just cheeky aren't they what about giant lizards look at him King Kong they're funny

naturally funny I don't know why all my people suffering What about giant lizards? Look at them. King Kong. They're funny. Naturally funny. I don't know why all my people suffering natural disasters are Geordies. Fucking hell. King Kong, mate. What are you doing in... Blade? I'd expect this in... Colour codes.

Yeah, earthquakes all day. I think what we've learned from this is as long as you're from Tyneside or the North East it'll be more fun how man that fucking volcano's

gone fucking massively mental and it's pouring all the fucking molten lava all over the metro centre ah fucking bollocks I wanted a Burger King it's on all fucking molten lava all over the metro centre. Ah, fucking bollocks, I wanted a Burger King.

It's on all them molten lava. Are you done? Yep. But I will say this, not all earthquakes are natural disasters. Surely. Can you Google what the term natural disaster means? No, but I mean, surely an earthquake has got to hit some form of like... What if people die?

What if one person dies because they fell over? Natural events such as a flood, earthquake or hurricane that causes great damage or loss of life. The number of people suffering food crisis as a result of natural disasters has tripled in the last 30 years. All right, let's keep the politics out of it um yeah so it's got to cause it's got to cause great damage or loss of life great damage or loss of life great damage is subjective what if you drop your sabutio set that you've collected for many decades you collect it for many decades and you're holding the whole thing i love sabutioio, but if I have to put it down,

it ruins the collection. For 30 years, walk around. You were moving it just as they were moving it. I fucking love a Subutio, boys. Have we got space for a Subutio table? Probably, yeah. On the dining table? No.

Why? On the ping pong table. Fuck off. No. That dining table gets used fuck off no that dining table the table tennis table gets used well more than your dining table

and that's a fact it gets used that dining table has been very useful you edited it last week and you'll edit it today yeah but I used the table

tennis table more correct that's true let's just buy a Cebutio table yeah there you go make me halfway that was a nearly

a natural disaster erm yeah alright Cebutio I'd like I genuinely like one power pods as well love them I don't know nearly a natural disaster. Yeah, alright. Subutio. I genuinely like them. Powerpods as well. Love them.

I don't know what we're saying. Football Crazy and Chocolate Mad. Football Crazy Chocolate Mad Grab a Powerpond and play football with the lads. What's this?

I got sent a free Powerpod today by... What's a Powerpod? It will have missed his generation. Oh yeah, you were playing It was our version of a ball on a a power pod it will have missed his generation oh yeah it was our version

of a ball on a stick it won't have missed my generation it will have been vented when I was older that's what I said

that's like they had it in the 60s had it in the 70s missed your generation and it came back in the early 2000s it was the hopscotch of its day

to put it in a term you'll understand oh now i get it yeah i got sent here julio oh i remember i do remember them yeah what did you do with them you looked at them all right cool well not as good as some they're just collectible figurines like little mini bobbleheads yeah they're fantastic can we get some of them as well yeah let's get some of them uh question would you, let's get some of them. Question? What would you like, Owen? Speed round. Oh, it's not, is it?

Go on. Is it ever? No, it's not today. Oh. Daniel Daly says, all right, lads, if you could only poo in one place forever, but you can't say a toilet

or your mate's kitchen bin from before, where would it be? Nice one. Daniel Daly. The double D. Trim bats. In their toilet. No, you're not allowed to...

You can't use a toilet forever. Bath. You have to... Oh. But someone else's bath. Bath's the right answer, isn't it? It's still in the bathroom, isn't it? Oh.

What if you want a bath? Then you clean it. Don't get a bath. You clean it before you get to the bath. So you can only poo in baths? Yeah. Or swim in baths. You're never coming round my house.

Right. What could I have said better than baths where there would be a nice interior house? Back of the garden. Everyone poos in your garden. Well, me and Etta do, yeah. Less so she didn't mean to. It's much better for me to poo in your bath

than your garden. No, because I don't bathe my children at the back of the garden. Why? What? It's porcelain, isn't it? So I can just... Once it's rinsed, it's gone.

So it's bang? I don't... I don't think the shower head is capable of the power i need to rinse your plop out of my bath no you see no and this is where you see what you're doing here is typical non-ibs privileged bullshit bullshit I'm such a bullshitter. The Bolsheviks. I know. Listen. Yeah, I know. I will listen. Right? My shit stinks.

Don't get me wrong. Are you sure it doesn't stonk? Get me wrong. Don't get me wrong. It does pong. Right? Pink? Bad as fuck.

Right? Yeah. But I'm telling you right now. Tell me. Out of everyone in this room, my poo would go down the drain a lot quicker and easier than the rest of yours. Because it is like liquid gold, but brown.

Liquid brown. Liquid gold. It's actually like sun. Cool. I think the bath. If any of us was just on your bath, you'd want it to be me. See you Thursday then.

Come round. Would you rather be shit in your bath or your sink? Because you don't bathe your kids in the sink, I hope want it to be me. See you Thursday then. Come round. Would you rather be shit in your bath or your sink? Because you don't bathe your kids in the sink, I hope. I'll be honest, no, I don't want you... Why is it my house?

Why are you around at my house? Be around at your own house! No. Go to your own house! Would you rather me... All the toilets are taken away from everyone's house. No, we're coming round to yours.

No, you're not. No, listen. Invite rescinded. No, no. It's Esser's bar mitzvah and we're in yours. Right? I knew I had something to do.. No, no. It's Esa's bar mitzvah and we're in yours. Right? I knew I had something to do.

Convert to Judaism. It's on my... Do you know when you've just got a to-do list and you're like... It's Esa's bar mitzvah and we're all around yours for the wake of the bar mitzvah. Right?

And I need a shite, but I've been legally barred from pooing in toilets. Where do you want me to go? Right. Down the garden. Nice long garden. I'll have a little section.

That's where I'll be pooing. The garden's going to stink and shite, don't it? The river. Oh no, that's too far. You haven't got a river either. What? You haven't got a river.

Yeah, it's got to be on your premises. I have access to a river. Hello. We've all got access to rivers, Dan, unless you're a prisoner. Oh.

Low security. Would you rather let your shit in your bathroom sink the basin or your kitchen sink the bathroom

yeah bathroom you've got the bathroom yeah if there's ever a poo in your kitchen sink something's gone terribly wrong fact

no bullshit I'm just going outdoors on this one. I'm going outdoors and just dealing with it. No, I reckon outdoors should be taken away from this. Because that's a proper cop out. No, I actually don't. I disagree with you. And I also disagree with you.

I don't think you want it to be outside. Because then if anyone goes outside for a ciggy, they're going to smell burning shite. Why is it burning? Burning. Burning. He set fire to it when he finished. Burning. Dig a hole, man. Why are it burning? Burning. Burning. He set fire to it when he finished. Burning.

Dig a hole, man. Every time I shit, I need Kleenex to wipe and also diesel to burn the shit. That's just how I do it. Fucking hell, the smoke. It's coming from Adam's house. New poop.

New poop. Wow. Words, eh? Love words. I think it's got to be indoors, and I think bath's the only answer. I'm pooing someone's kettle. That is a scientific fact.

Fact. Ross says, Wag wag, Adama, Denzel, Carl Arse, and Salad Fingers. Was in the hospital the otherad Fingers was in the hospital the other day and was in the waiting area some cracking names

got called out including Mr. Anderson Charlie Longbottom Charlie Longbottom Tea Kettle and the best one of all Shauna Paul question is

where was he in the hospital and why was Mr. Anderson hilarious I don't know I've just read it Anderson hang on you crazy name bastard I've just read it. Anderson.

Hang on. You crazy name bastard. I've started doing this in the coffee shop. Putting a false name in. Because it's a machine. Some black sheep coffee would have started going on the way, yeah. You order on a machine like you do at Mackey's, but you put your name on it. So I had Mufasa, and the other night I had Rigoberth.

And the woman said, I'll do a pronunciation. I've been doing it. Because you don't have any interaction with them. They just shout your name out. And she shouted Rigoberth or Rigoberth. And then I went up and she went, I'll do a pronunciation. And I went, Rigoberth? You had to actually say it out loud.

Yeah, and that ruined it for me. But I am going to keep doing it. Who's given false names in at the hospital? And who's fallen for Sean DePaul Sean DePaul Sean DePaul here Sean DePaul's actually oh Sean DePaul

that works like a girl's name that's what was written I didn't say Sean DePaul I said Sean DePaul I've deleted it I think Sean DePaul

is the one of that list where that's the most believable one. Yeah. Yeah. Sean. Charlie Longbottom Teakettle.

A double-barreled say a name. The NHS are under a lot of strain. That's a nurse. Can't be asked. You're fucking taking the piss. Teakettle one word. Yeah. It's bollocks, isn't it?

Yeah. Charlie Longbottom Teakettle. Yeah. Who's going to the hospital? By the way, when you go to an hospital and you're in the waiting area they check your NHS records

so what he's claiming this guy is that there's a real person called Charlie Longbottom tea kettle we're calling bullshit yeah

talking poo poo poo there's a new poo Sean Lepore works though but at the coffee shop it's absolutely valid banter isn't it like who is doing we're at the coffee shop, it's absolutely valid banter, isn't it? Like, who is doing... We're at the hospital.

We're in A&E. I've been severely injured in a natural disaster. Oh, sabutio. Because my fat mate fell over and I was next to him and he shook. Yeah, if you're in medical diastrates...

Medical peril. Don't be doing fucking name banter. Ben Dover. In all truth, I've broken my back in a car crash. The irony is I will never be able to bend over again. But I love jokes. I've broken my back in a car crash and he put me in the waiting room. Oh, well, that's the NHS.

Fuck the Tories. That's the NHS for you. Next time, just call yourself Coffee. Coffee. Coffee. Oh, my God. That's so funny. that's the NHS for you next time just call yourself coffee coffee coffee oh my god that's so funny someone's like yeah I've got coffee

yeah coffee I'm tempted to just put an order in right and then leave and just leave them shouting a stupid name

see how stupid you can get them to say it go on how but I'll just know alright and I'll take comfort How? I'll just know. All right.

And I'll take comfort in that. I'll take two quid. Like, I am stupid! I'd have a wag wag. I'd definitely have a wag wag. Yeah, but no one's called wag wag. They'll be on to that. You think?

Yeah. They won't be like, well, this could be racially insensitive if I don't say it. Wag wag! And you'll be like, yeah, it's from my culture. Or you call yourself. Dove cock. Who wants a coffee? wag wag and you'd be like yeah it's from my culture where are you from Dovecock

who wants a coffee who wants a coffee and everyone goes yeah mate yeah there probably is a limit where they're not going to

shout it out like I love bum sex I don't I don't judge my bell ends dirty My bell ends dirty. My bell ends dirty. Oh shit, it says John. But I do love bum sex.

I just do that. I'm just very honest. Yeah, I am going to abuse that. Pour one coffee. I think it'd be hilarious. Just shot one coffee. Gregor Reed says, all right, lids.

If you lads all had your sex tapes leaked what category do you think each lids video would be listed under have a good one gregor monster cock destroys absolute 10 that's a category as well yeah monster cock World's biggest cock. BWD. Big white dick. Yeah. BWD destroys petite little slut. It's not a category. It is.

That is very... Just one video. Very much... Very much specific search terms you're describing there. Category's a bit more general. Dangerously big dick. Dangerously big dick. No bullshit. fucking ruins apps 18 what did you expect from a really good looking guy who is one of the best

comedians in the uk possibly the world and he was dead good at everything. Enter. 29,000 video. Dangerously big dick, that's my DBD. DBD? DBD driver, that's what I'm called. What's dangerous about it? It could ruin a woman. Crash a car. Fuck, I love my dick.

Can't drive. Natural disaster, my dick. Oh, the Subbu chills everywhere. Yeah, big, massive... Why did you put a fucking bin under here? I told you. Who's done this? Were you here the other day?

Fuck off. Were you here the other day? Stupid place for a fucking bin. We bought 17 bins. Why? I don't know. Fucking struck a kick under here. We bought 17 bins. What? I don't know. Fucking struck a kick on the ear.

What would yours be? What would your category be? Cock-hold. Acorn cock. What? Cock-hold. Oh, yeah. You want Laura to get leathered?

Oh, I'm getting more into it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can it be my sex tape if I'm not involved? If I'm the one filming it? I uploaded it. It's mine. No, you can't be in it. You can be the man in the corner, though,

watching his wife get an absolutely bazingo. Yeah, but then I don't think it's my sex tape, is it? I think I've got... If you're in the corner, losing your religion... There's a spotlight on. And I'm bald. No, I'll be the guy no i'll be the guy i'll be the guy doing the cook holding oh yeah i like it you're shagging someone else's wife yeah huge dude absolute fucking bwd just sat there going why am i taking this me going didn't expect this yeah yeah that'd be mine some sort of wife share

some I'm into that all that group stuff it's great I haven't got loads of mates anymore let's fucking do stuff together maybe we could collab

Damien's Lee Big Dicks with Cookhold cool yeah there you go see you there bring a friend

Alan beautiful what about you Finn what would your category be come on yeah I've got to make use of the fingers haven't I fingerer

the fingerer the fingerer there's an awful sex tape that would be just you going sorry no it's a category fingers

it was a category surely no fingers no it's an old fucking mob nickname. Fingers. Fingers, yeah.

Fingers? What the fuck porn site are you looking at? What category are you into? Fingers. Heads. Shoulders. Knees. And toes.

Never combine them. It's a very different search, mid-wank. Go on, porn-oven, type in fingers. No. If you type fingers, you'll get something. A category is not what you search. It's the categories. But the question was, if you could have your own category,

things would be fingers, because he'd make it himself. No. If you had a sex tape, what category do you think your video would be put into? You'd make a new one. You't make yeah i'll be in fingers fingers or fingering then that's definitely oh maybe maybe what a horrible way by the way Oh, maybe. Maybe.

What a horrible word, by the way. What? Fingering. It's just a horrible, Steve McManaman word, isn't it? Yeah. Every time. Tony Cruz there fingering the ball.

That famous quote. That's gone viral, hasn't it? What game is this? The goalie being sent off. Champions League fans. Every time fingered comes up In like a You know a crime context Where you got fingered

You're like If you can be Mature enough to know That it means they've Pointed the finger He fingered him Like figuratively In my head I'm like

Yeah He was fingered for the crime You naughty little person. You shouldn't have done it. No guests today. Good. Okay. Shall we do a Would You Rather?

Yeah. Brian Sullivan says, Would you rather every time you get a woman to climax, she screams out your dad's name? And you know she means your dad. Or every time you get a woman to Climax, she screams out your dad's name? And you know she means your dad. Or every time you get a woman to Climax, she screams out Adam's name or Dan's name. So, basically, it's my name.

What? I'd have found out much sooner. Oh, really? Good to know. I'm going to keep going. See if you've got an address. Hang on. Coordinates. She tried to make... Carl tried to make her come three times because he was hoping for a phone number. He's putting in the shift of his life.

Come on. That's it. I shift of his life. Come on. That's it. I've got the continent. He's fucking for past Christmas presents. Oh, Carl. I know we're laughing, but that was so nice and sad at the same time. By the way,

I only have sex with one woman and if she shouted Adam Rowe we'd be in a lot of trouble as a relationship. That would be so bad. Laura gets very like oh no, I'm not allowed to talk about it. Just hypothetically if I was having sex. Just imagine that.

It's going to have to be hypothetical from now on, isn't it? I would, listen, under warning from my beautiful wife, Laura Nightingale. Very supple. She's hench now. She's a horse. She's getting hench. We do role play.

I'm the groomer. Brother-in-law. I'm the groomer She's What Come on She can be very like I can't She gets annoyed Is she very vocal No she just gets

I don't know I can't She gets fuming If I talk about it But if she went She's getting into it Adam Rowell That would Honestly There might never be Any more sex again No offence But I she gets fuming if i talk about it but if she was getting into it that would honestly there might never be any more sex again no offense but i i'm sure to me is it's just because you're

intimidated no yeah i don't think intimidated is the right you're intimidated by my masculinity and that's why you don't want your wife to scream my name i just don't i just don't want to only your dad's name you'd rather show your dad's name. What? You'd rather I shout your dad's name? Yeah. But if she went, Peter, I could think- He fucking loves Michael. No, she says his full name. No, you know. Peter Nightingale, she says. Yeah.

If it was just the first name. Peter Pettigrew. No, it isn't just the first name. Peter Pettigrew. Peter Pettigrew. Steve's plugged in, by the way. You look like you're on a heart monitor. It's weird yeah

if it was just the first name it wouldn't be so bad no but it's the surname so which one I could think she was thinking about the animal right group

Peter no but you can't because she says it's the surname alright I'm just trying to ad lib I know we can't I'm just trying to be funny

with the concept of the first name we'll get to you what we fucking right yeah I'll go... I'll just kill myself. I'm going dad's name.

I'll go Carl's dad's name. Go for it. I don't know him, so... Jose? Yeah. Well, that's his name. No, who's he? Sorry.

That's what I'd say back. Jose? No, Jose. There we go. I'll get it. It'd be an awkward climax that one jose who's he there's a question would you rather show your dad's name or peter petty

peter petty grove i've stopped watching porn just just watched The Prisoner of Azkaban. Gets me right up. Come on, let's kill him! As she's coming. Let's kill him! She does the whole scene. When you've left the room, she's going,

I did my waiting! Seven years of it in Azkaban! Expelliarmus Let's do some roleplay I'll play Gary Oldman Take the art out No need Gay old man if you didn't get it, by the way. All right, guys.

Now it's time to talk to you about one of our sponsors, NordVPN. NordVPN is the world's best VPN service, in my opinion. Dan, do you know what a VPN is? Of course I know what a VPN is. Well, I don't. Oh, hello. I'm gone. My mouth wasn't moving.

It's Peter, the H a word snake hello peter you don't know what a vpn is peter listen to me peter listen look at me lad right here right here yeah right here a vpn is basically a way for you to improve your internet security and also you can change the location of where you are based so let's say you're in the uk but there's a film on like the american netflix you can set your location to america log into netflix and it'll think you're in america what isn't that amazing wow also for example like some premier league football matches aren't broadcast over here but they are broadcast in other countries you can watch them just find out what country it's been shown in and set your location to that country thank you for educating me adam what about if i want to

watch foreign porn if you want to watch foreign porn i mean i don't know why that would be blocked in any country but yeah you can set your location to anywhere and access any website if you go to nordvpn.com slash have a word and use the code have a word. You'll get a huge discount and four months free. Isn't that right, Dan? Yeah, nordvpn.com slash have a word. Use code Peter.

Use code have a word. 10, have a word. No, no, Peter. No, Peter, concentrate. Use code have a word.

Have a word. Huge discounts and four months free. Fuck off. Nod. How are we? Full. Are you?

Yeah. You've got a big fat bastard katsu there, haven't you? Oh, my God. Did you say something else there? Yeah. He's got a katsu bastard Katsu there didn't you Oh my god Did you see something else there Yeah He got a katsu curry Extra katsu chicken Yeah that was a protein bastard though I mean it's

Yeah Deep fried chicken in it So Yeah It's just a fat That was a fat cunt I was like Can I make this more like a KFC please

Yeah yeah yeah I didn't even know The woman actually wrote it down Said oh the Freddie Quinn Yeah She was from around here Freddie Quinn Oh That, she was from Rome, yeah. Freddie Quinn.

Oh, that's a Freddie Quinn. And why didn't you get anything else? Excuse me? Why didn't you get anything else? I like Katsu Curry. Yeah, but why didn't you get any starters? Because there's virtually nothing else on the menu that I've eaten or tried. But the Katsu Curry, as long as...

Have you never had any wok-fried greens in your life? What? Have you never had any wok-fried greens? Oh, apart from when i was growing up obviously because we were raised on what crop what what what what we're showing it to because what fried greens is quite a long it's just broccoli in the pan yeah do you not like broccoli oh just just assume that if you need to ask the question, probably not. No, I don't. What's wrong with broccoli?

What's right with it? It's flavourless. Or pedo trees. Tender stem broccoli is fucking gorgeous. Or tender. I had to get that extra chicken because I went to the gym on Monday. Went to the PT.

What's the gym called? Absolute Body Solutions. ABS? Absolute Body Solutions. ABS. Absolute Body Solutions. Woo! Or anti-brake system. Auto-brake system. I've decided I'm not going

to go to the gym ahead of the arena special. I'm just going to get some Spanx. Nice. How many? You know what Spanx is? Yeah,

slaps on your ass? No. Oh, what? Do you not know what Spanx is? Yeah, slaps on your ass? No. Oh, what? Do you not know what Spanx is? Yeah, it's the thing that sucks all your things in. Yeah, makes you look skinny without you having to go to the gym. I can't believe I never thought of it sooner.

Yeah. What's the Kim Kardashian one called? Skins. Skims. Skims. Get some Skims. She wanted to call it Kimono, didn't she? And we can put it on the business card

if we can film you getting into them. Okay, cool. Nice. I've also ordered us some cigars. Got some cigars for the party. Because watching you getting into some

fucking skims will be entertaining and then we can all smoke. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. That's the plan. Cool. Cool. Cool guys.

Smoking cigars. Where are we smoking the cigars? On the roof. On the roof of the arena I think at the after party can't smoke indoors it's illegal

we do outdoors we're outdoors but as well yeah on Matthew Street though we can't smoke on Matthew Street listen it's a tradition

every time I play an arena I get a cigar we go to Rubber Soul what a pub we love the Rubber Soul it was great pub. We love the Rubber Soul. It's great in there, the other night. Rubber Soul and Matthew Steed,

our favourite haunt. Yeah, I'm getting some Spanx. I'm getting a... I know you don't want to... I... We can tell our listeners we were going to get matching suits

for the after party, weren't we? But you don't want to do it because you're scared that I'll outshine you. Scared. Terrified. I'm getting a suit, like.

I'm getting a suit. It's going to be a casual open suit. I'm telling you right now, you're going to be warm as fuck. Cool. Spanx and suit and cigar. Yeah, and a pocket watch. And they're boiling.

And a fucking, what are they called? Monocle. Oh yeah, get a monocle. That's too far. Really? Yeah. No tummy, t they called? Monocle. Oh yeah, get a monocle. That's too far. Really? Yeah. No tummy, tits up, monocle, cigar, cane.

Pocket watch. There's nothing that completes an outfit quite like a timepiece. Yeah. Sick of hearing you say that. Sick of hearing you say it. Where are you going to put it? Pocket or your Spanx? What? It's a pocket watch, isn't it? Oh, it's a pocket watch it's a good place to keep your pocket watch though

what if you're running I won't pay yeah yeah cigar, cane, monocle I'm going for the run, where are you going to put your pocket watch can I just get shit faced with all my friends without doing fucking Mr. Ben.

Mr. Ben? Who's Mr. Ben? Oh. Could it be Mr. Bean or Uncle Ben? Mr. Peanut. He wears a monocle. Oh, dear. I've done an old person thing.

Oh, isn't it a cartoon? Yeah. I used to watch that. Yeah. I went to a fancy dress shop. That's it? I used to watch that when I to a fancy dress shop that's it I used to watch that when I was a kid

really yeah genuinely I did we crossed the last season yeah I think it skipped your generation and everything he bought he'd do that thing

that day wouldn't he yeah oh what a show mate I think I had salt and pepper shakers shaped like him what when we were kids

I think we had salt and pepper shakers Mr Ben's salt and pepper shakers and like him. What? When we were kids. I think we had salt and pepper shakers. Mr. Ben's salt and pepper shakers. And that was boiling the microwave rice. Can't we just wear nice clothes and have a... Uncle Ben. Can we just... Can we just... Can we just wear nice clothes

and get shit-faced with all our pals? You can wear whatever you like, mate. A rubber sole on Matthew Street. You can wear whatever you like. I'm wearing the best suit money can buy. What's that at the moment? What? What suit?

There's a tailor near mine. Yeah. It's going to be his last job. He's going to blow his head off. You're going to blow his head off. But you're done. You'd so sue a gold suit. No. A class with me watch.

Oh, silver timepiece? No. Gold? Gold. How will it clash? It'll be gold on gold. It's like double denim. You can't do that.

Can I do double power? That's not double denim. Double denim is the same colour. I don't agree. It's not double denim double denim is the same color i don't agree it's the fit material isn't it anyway i enjoyed the workout yeah enjoyed the workout turned up the horrible people are you getting a suit they're really yeah i don't look fucking sexy it's gonna be an open casual suit though but a ham on show. A ham? Yeah. Ham? Let's keep some hams. What's that phrase mean?

Hockey watch. Prosciutto. Yeah, I've got everything. Fucking Spanx are great. Got me dinner. Lunch. Timepiece. A ham.

Ham on show. Did you mean your chest chest hair what's wrong with your chest hair it's quite meaty you are not getting your chest hair out why is everyone going weird after this arena

because we're the fucking pimps of the night mate pimps of the night I'm not wearing a tie I am going like I'm going Ricky Martin style suit get your ham out

get your ham out I'm getting me fucking luncheon meat out, mate. The old jambon out. La, la, la, la, la, la. What's the... What's my chop pork? Have a look at this.

What's the bear one called? Billy Bear. You're Billy Bear, aren't you? Yeah. Cool. What are you wearing, then? Cool guy.

Yeah, look at that ham. Like a butcher's in here. I'm keeping my fucking deadly lunchables out of it I don't dress silly I like taking it seriously Yeah

I want to look the absolute boss What's more sadist than a suit? Yeah Great question Good point Is it hypothetical? No Rhetoric?

It was pathetical. Oh. I want to look like a lawyer who's just got a murder off. Adam Lach. I know he done it. Couldn't give a fuck. Checking the time on his pocket watch.

Took on his ham on it. He'll be killing again by now. He smokes cigars. I think Adam's gay. Why? Watch him smoke. Fucking Monte Cristo on his cheek. Pulling bacon out of here.

Rather than just sausages. I love smoking cigars. on his cheek pulling bacon out of here rather than eat the sausages I love smoking cigars it'll be fucking three people dead by now are you smoking like an owl all because of me I'll get him off again if you're talking to him

you're lost is that Ricky Martin Ricky Martin? Ricky Martin looks like he's having some seriously gay fantasies with that guy. Oh no. No, he got

squashed or quashed as they say. No, he got squashed. What? What got squashed? His nephew made a rumour after he used to bum him.

It's true. It's true. Is it? Yeah. And it got quashed. And then squashed his nephew made a rumour up that he used to bum him it's true it's true is it yeah and it got quashed and then squashed in his spanks his nephew said

that I used to bum me and then it came out he was like I'm never well that's the top and bottom of it if Ricky Martin was my uncle I might as well start That's so good

Oh my god Oh Oh Carlos you got me there. The way you put this... Just letting you know, I've done a good joke. I want you to listen. Did you get it? Yeah. Fucking hell. Steve, why are you hooked up to the power?

You're making the woot wearable look fucking ridiculous I am not before I've got no battery we're charging steel beep boop beep boop we've done this half an hour I am the business manager

three thousand like hook the business manager these invoices haven't been paid plug him in make sure you're plugged in at all times no don't

that's the terrible you should never be plugged in if you're the person. Always. What do you do with the wearable? I just, I have the thing charged

and then I put it on at night. That's what it's for? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or, when you're at work filming a podcast. Plug yourself into the mains? What happens if there's a surge?

Oh, we're alright. I'm Kasabian. What happens if he walks in and says, Oh, fuck it, I learned there's a surge. Steve's dying. Surge Pizzorno. I'm Kasabian What happens if he walks in and says you know Oh fucking hell there's a search Steve's dying Search Pizzorno

Anyway shall we do some other words Yeah 2 3 4 Stop doing

the wrong percussion It's really important to me that you get the right rhythm. Ready? Two. It's jazz. Scat. Put that on. You.

You know better. Think of the music. You're the music. It know better. Think of the music. You're the music. This is the have a word section. It was supposed to be the whole podcast. It never was, by the way. What? This podcast?

A newsagent. Oh, yeah, it does. When you're about to get a double-decker. When you want to get off get a double-decker. When you want to get off. A double-decker. No, it's not quite a bus one. That's a newsagent's that. No, that's when you want to go and buy a double-decker

or get off one. When you're at a B&B. That one's it. When it's 12 o'clock and that's the 12th noise you've heard. When you're Hector Salamanca oh I was going to say watching Breaking Bad

all better which is better and he's in it more he's in loads more did you see you see the kid that dressed up for him as a Halloween

costume no it was fantastic came in the dinner hall it's the only I think very rare occasion where being in a wheelchair for a Halloween costume you get you get it's the only I think very rare occasion where being in a wheelchair

for a Halloween costume you get you get it's allowed Rory I know when is Christopher Reeve once so he's just Superman in a wheelchair

yeah that's I reckon this oh it was Aaron sorry not Rory sorry it was Aaron okay so it was Aaron guys not Rory

if you were concerned glad we cleaned that up. So just, can we put that in the programme notes? Erin, not Rory. Erin with an E. Oh God, Erin with a... It's a male. Should we just start this section again?

No. Have a word. Wag wag lids, anonymous please. Need you to have a word with the absolute melt organising our works Christmas do. Despite being a listener of the pod, they still feel like a trip to our local comedy club will be fun and doesn't think it's a completely

fucking stupid idea given that there's 15 colleagues invited plus everyone's significant others if they want to come for the day out. So out is basically potentially 30 people. Only five of us really enjoy stand-up comedy. Myself and another colleague have pointed out that we'd rather do something we would all enjoy and then the stand-up comedy. Myself and another colleague have pointed out that we'd rather do something we would all enjoy and then the stand-up comedy fans can all go out together

in the new year once all the Christmas do fuckwits have got it out of their system and we can enjoy the gig without hearing the Karen's moaning about how it wasn't funny, was very offensive etc. I'm pretty sure you'll agree that as a group we should just go and do something else for our Christmas do but seeing as Jamie won't listen to us, maybe the bell end will listen to you. Nice one, Lids, from Anon. Wouldn't worry about it too much. You're not going to be the only ones who ruin the gig.

Christmas gigs are a bit fucking ropey. There'll be another group of content as well. Yeah, but you risk getting thrown out because of people who don't want to be there. If you want to be there, don't go with them because you might suffer. Yeah, but you're meant to go when your work's Christmas't want to be there If you want to be there Don't go with them Because you might suffer Yeah but You're meant to go

When your work's Christmas due People can get a bit antsy About it And he's saying Look I love comedy But this is a shit idea Because these cunts Aren't going to like it

And them not liking it And the atmosphere And bad's going to ruin it For us He's a comedy fan He's going Just don't send us To a comedy club

And he's absolutely right As well You know So grim Maybe get the person Who's organised It's sacked Right don't send us to a comedy club. And he's absolutely right as well. Oh, so grim. Maybe get the person who's organised it sacked. Right. Okay, this is layered. Yeah.

Yeah. It's called Jamie. Accuse him of something. Yeah, accuse him of some misconduct and work. He'll get sacked. And then you can change the venue. Right. Oh, by the way,

speaking of Christmas comedy clubs, we got given some cupcakes today by the sweet tooth bakery um no they're very related it's me dude me trying to get us on whoop i went for a workout everyone's like not asked should we talk about whoop not ask fuck me i got free cake let me stop you there dan i. Got sent some cakes. We got sent 24 cupcakes. They were fantastic. I've had one so far.

I've had six. I won't have it. I'm doing a whoop challenge. The.sweet.tooth.bakery on Instagram. Go and follow them, please. It's a friend of mine, and they're delicious. Here's some pictures of them now. Dan, what do you think was put in then?

Was that a KK put in or Finn? No. Finn's just searched PNG cock. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah it's all fun it's all fun until you get punched in the side of the fucking

oh god yeah I'd see you coming from the side I'd be there I'd duck it right cool that's me in the back of the head

cool you think I'm going to attack you from the side when I said I was going to attack you from the side good luck okay I'll keep

looking behind me the whole time yeah and then you get a punch from the front. I'm not going to hold me. Yeah. So, just shoot him. No, buy him some cakes from cake.com.

V.sweet. Plant a firearm on him in work and then call the bomb squad. Get some cake from sweet.cotton.com. Yeah, shoot him with cake from.cottonscakes. Kidnap his children and kidnap his children and tie them to a radiator separate radiators in various warehouses

and only tell him what you've done on the night of the Christmas and then he'll be occupied looking for his kids and feed the kids cake from sweet

Dot Cotton's cakes give them diabetes and that'll teach him a lesson should have gone crazy golf do what Two-Faced on

Batman did or no the Joker tell them both addresses you can only save one of the kids nice

nice one of the addresses I make one of the addresses they're not it's crazy golf what

that's too far I can't could scold them no they're nowhere near they're nowhere near. They're tied up with... No, you can't get scolded. Ask him, can you borrow his Wi-Fi and his laptop in his house?

And then start sending letters to his MP using his IP address and email. It'd be weird to get on someone's Wi-Fi and then send a letter, wouldn't it? Email, you meant. I meant an email. All right, cool. An e-letter.

Oh, an e-letter. Thanks for that Chris Wilde says you said it wrong Chris Wilde says cake that's all he said yeah he said

hi Lids I'm eating some lovely cake I wish I had raised it for him to say that before I did the blog that would have been a much smoother segue I've actually written it

into the script I tell you what I'd like some lovely cake nice I'd make some as well I've actually written it into the script I tell you what I'd like some lovely cake I've made some as well I've already done it It would have been perfect time

if you just slot it in there I'm just sorry I'm just going to read this letter We've had a letter We've had a computer letter You know the old famous E-letters

you've been hearing about. Send your E-letters in. He's getting annoyed. I thought you were going to be like... Fucking hell. Chris Wilde says... Eyelids, can you have a word with my mate

who's been a bit of a pleb? Sadly, his mother recently passed away. Stop being a pleb. What are you doing, having a dead mum? Fucking idiot. His mother... It's dead cool, though. Cool.

Get enough dead mums together. Get a podcast. Got a fucking pod. Sadly, his mother recently passed away, and now he has no parents alive, which is sad. He's 45, but for some reason now keeps saying that he's an orphan. How many 45-year-old orphans do you see down the local orphanage? None.

So can you have a word? I'm sick of going down the orphanage. Me neither. I don't go every Sunday. These are all young. Pointless. So you can have a word with him and tell him to sort his shit out and stop saying he's an orphan.

This is the saddest bit. Rest in peace, Claire. Thanks. Oh, Claire. Chris. Can you Google the definition of orphan, please, Finn? He is an orphan. He is. His parents are dead.

I also, I'm of the opinion that if you do lose both parents and you are an adult, you should be able to get adopted. I don't think you can be an orphan if you don't... A child whose parents are dead. Yeah, so he's not a child. We're all a child of God.

Great. You've won, Carl. You've won. He's not an orphan then, is he? Because he can't be in an orphanage if he's 45. No, you can't be in an orphanage. Don't worry. But I will die on this hill, right?

I think if you lose both of your parents no matter how old you are right yeah i think you should be able to put yourself up for adoption yeah and you get a new mum and dad no to see out the rest of your adulthood mate if you're 45 and you haven't got two parents you don't't need an orphanage, use the money you've inherited to buy your own fucking house. You can't call it the orphanage. No, no, no. You're not listening to me,

you fucking idiot. from an orphanage. Oh, that's nasty, that. Adam. No, I'm trying. You can't be in an orphanage and then go to work and come back again.

No, you're not listening to me. It's a low security orphanage. It's a category C. He's not talking about category A orphanage where the kids are really sad category C he's not talking about category A orphanage where the kids are really sad

the one with the smoking playing snooker and doing water polo your dad's dead the soul's

yours listen you're not listening to me you don't even know how to play water polo I'm not saying

he should be allowed to be in an orphanage what I'm saying is he should have his own house but waiting both of your parents are dead you should be allowed to apply for new parentsage what i'm saying is he should have his own house but waiting both of

your parents are dead you should be allowed to apply for new parents who haven't got a kid there might be 70 odd year old people who are regretting not having any children he needs a mom and dad they need a fucking adult baby there you go at what age can you stop being adopted 18 or is it yeah at 18 you're just released into the wild yeah because you can't be an orphan anymore because i don't think adam knows 18 you're just released into the wild yeah because you can't be an orphan anymore because I don't think Adam knows

that's a fact released into the wild I'm paraphrasing how old do you have to be to be fostered or adopted

under well it's 16 to 18 it's a bit but I think 18 you're a fully fledged adult isn't it

21 no adopters need to be over 21 18 18 imagine if you were 21 and you were adopted as an 18 year old fully fledged adult, isn't it? 21. No, adopters need to be over 21. 18. 18. Imagine if you were 21 and you adopted an 18-year-old.

Call me dad. You're in year 10 when I started fucking high school. Fuck off. Yeah, I think once your parents are dead, you should be allowed to be, put yourself up for adoption in case an old age couple

would like a 45-year-old son. son sounds like that what's wrong with that who's losers there it's like one of the worst uh like spin-offs from the film big daddy in it just two old people have got a 45 year old who's like can i call you mom nanny yeah yeah but what if they want that yeah i think there should be a system in place for this Let's get that done Steve let that out Have it where Adults orphanage It's gonna be the new Tinder

Yes You swipe right and left I'm like You're looking for parents And they're looking for kids I see a problem I'll just jot that down In an e-letter

What are you doing there son Looking for kids 70 year old I see a problem. I'll just jot that down in an e-letter. What are you doing there, son? Vlogging for kids? 70-year-olds. 70-year-olds online. I'm just looking for you. Yeah, I think it'd be, you know, it'd be good.

Luperative. Rest in peace, Claire. Rest in peace, Claire. It's a nice little touch, that, Chris. But yeah, I think he's a funny, you can't call yourself an orphan. I'm not having it. This one's from Anonymous.

Have a word with my missus. She keeps on blowing her nose in the sink. What the fuck? When I come to brush my teeth, I found little mountains. What the fuck? I found little mountains glued to the side that I have to get rid of due to my OCD of having a clean house.

The dirty get denies she's done this, but I don't think my one-year-old or the fucking Labrador is doing it. Have a word with her and tell her how much of a filthy cow she is. Maybe they're conspiring to get her out the house. Maybe the one-year-old and the Labrador have come to an agreement. What? She's a fucking pig. No.

She needs execution. It's not blowing nose. It's flaming it. It's flaming it. No, do you never do a fucking little snot shot? In a sink? I do it in the sink, but then I rinse it. I do it when I'm doing my teeth.

I only do it in the bath, mate. Your white goods take a lot of punishment, don't they? White goods. That's your kitchen, don't they? White goods. That's your kitchen, isn't it? Yeah. Your porcelain takes a bit of... Porcelain. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think she might be Fleming. I don't... Belgian. Ian. Take your pick there, mate. We're both fucking tens, mate. That's what we do either one bam bam

column A column B pick your punchline it's like the old game true crime streets of LA you get to pick the end yeah ooh I'm going with Ian

okay it's fucking grim this but I it's not what's wrong with it no she needs to wash up after herself it's like leaving yeah you's not What's wrong with it No she needs to wash up After herself It's like leaving

Skids in the toilet She does need to rinse it But that's it She doesn't need to Stop blowing her nose The sink is there For cleaning It's not there

For blowing your nose Do you clean your face In the sink Do you wash your face Every morning No I just have a shower Right Do you ever wash your face

Yeah in the shower What's your sink for then What do you use your sink for Wash your hands I'm just waiting's your sink for then? What do you use your sink for? Wash your hands. It's waiting for you to have a shit. What do you use your sink for? Brushing my teeth. Right.

So do you not think there's worse things in your mouth than snot? Well, no. I see why you're arguing this point, but I can't blow. Just, do you go over to your sink, block her nose, and fucking snot everything out into the sink and walk off no I rinse it that's what I'm saying she needs to rinse it

she needs to sink brush she's got a pack of fucking tissues like a sink brush animal oh ecological stuff fuck off

do you not care about the environment no she is an environmentally you blow your nose into a fucking coke can or something don't you aye

aye um Etta brushes her teeth and then your nose into a fucking coke can or something don't you aye aye um Etta brushes her teeth and then she and then spits it into the thing and there's like

toothpaste grime I hate that but she's fucking five she's allowed yeah but if you don't train her now she'll never learn yeah

does she clean the skids in the toilet with the brush no you can see Jeremy's yeah we do, yeah. But she is five. She's not 35

like this grabby bitch. She will be one day. Sorry. I heard myself say that. Grabby bitch. I don't think she's doing anything wrong apart from failing to rinse it.

Yeah. She's not doing anything wrong. You just shouldn't know she's doing it. It's like having a shave in the sink, innit? Clean up after yourself with the beer there.

Women are fucking annoying with that though it annoys me though my own hair yeah but like they'll find like the one tiny bit of beard that you haven't got and then

they'll never touch the fucking plug hole in the fucking bath or in the shower it's just full of because they molt molt yeah and snot.

Ugh. I just think relationships should be equal and I think, you know, women get away with a lot that they actually complain about. Yeah. Turning around. I can't believe we defended that dirty woman

and now you're like, just generally like, part from it. She can snot where she wants. But the rest of them, fucking horrible Labradors. Next one. Yeah.

Daniel Morgan says, I have a word with my... I'm fucking smashing the other words today, mate. I have a word with my mate Morgan. He wears fake glasses and a fake nose ring. Hang on. Why can't he just go blind and get a piercing for real? Is his second name Morgan? Daniel Morgan.

And his mate's called Morgan? I have a word with my mate Morgan. He's so off with himself, isn't he? He's just trying to be fucking funny about it. I don't know. But you've gained nothing from that. Of course not. He might just have a mate called Morgan.

Yeah, it's a bit wank. Just get real glasses. yeah it's a bit wank just fake glasses just get real glasses or get he doesn't need real glasses does he that would be weird if he needs glasses

and he's like no fake ones oh it's like a weird fashion statement isn't it like your glasses make your face look better so if you do

no they do and if you didn't need them anymore like your eyes got fixed? No, but I choose to wear glasses. I wouldn't want my eyes fixed. I like wearing glasses. Exactly, because they make your face look good.

So if someone thinks their face looks good... I think I'm going to go for an eye test next week. I love it when he does stuff like that. I love it. I've got eyes as well. You get such an insight into how Adam's mind works getting my dog in a couple of weeks

I'm getting the dog talking about people's eyesight I'm going to get glasses I needed glasses when I was a kid and then I didn't but I think maybe I do now can you see me? the piercing thing yeah not racist Maybe I do now. Can you see me? The piercing thing.

Yeah. What, not racist? Don't you tell us. Okay. The piercing things. If you can't have a fake piercing, just get a piercing. You know,

have you ever had piercings? Yeah. He would have been murdered in school. In year nine, I had one of my ears pierced. Oh shit, you did? Yeah. The plastic thing? Yeah. He would have been murdered in school. In year nine, I had one of my ears pierced. Yeah. Oh shit, you did? Yeah. The plastic thing?

Yeah. It had a little weird blue stud. Scott Evans got one as well. He's not messing. Did you really? Right here, yeah. It wasn't metal though. Was that class?

Did you get a piercing? Yeah. Does that count? Was it like a clip-on plastic one from your nana? It was a piercing. Oh, right. No, is it a piercing if it's plastic though? I can't have done impressed that. Yes, as long as your body gets pierced by something sharp. a porn plastic one from your nana no it was a piercing oh right no is it a piercing if it's plastic though I got it done in

prestaton yes as long as your body gets pierced by something sharp it had a little blue like dot yeah I got it done in prestaton

and just some of all of these between year 8 and 9 you get away with that you know we were just too young to tell you for that you know when you've

holidayed in prestaton you want a memory from it don't you you and your mate what you and your mate what Scott no Scott's got it You know, when you've holidayed in Pristatin, you want a memory from it, don't you? You and your mate what? Me and my mate what? No, Scott got it a few years later because he tried to copy me. How long did it last, the blue dot?

He says a blue dot. That's what he can remember. I would change it every day. It was just like a... No, no, no, I'm not. You changed it every... i suppose we weren't really mating you know were we no not really i had different colored ones no you didn't you you had a little multi-colored dot that you changed when you fancied it it wasn't every day but i

remember the blue one right well so you knew each other at school but you only became mates in a level large and we were like we knew each other but then we became yeah alright but this was a bit of a thing when we talking like late noughties oh yeah

we were 13 2005 right alright cool the late noughties Dan no I didn't have an earring

past 2006 what are you talking about 2007 8 or 9 are you mad it was 2005 Dan you must have had an ear piercing

you seem like the guy never did ears I've done lip twice top or bottom I did what's it called labret no not labret

what's the one Lebron Lebron I suck Lebron James stick so I always get that mixed up in a little piercing studio impression no I've had my lip done

yeah what for? to try and have sex with alternative girls I'll get her if I'm honest it kind of worked alternative girls are men aren't they?

the alternative to a girl I just want men and then I got a lip piercing it worked with Lebron James got both my eyebrows done in year 10 sucked him off one in each

that must have cost a lot in jewellery not the whole thing this is usually a bracelet right yeah I got it taken out when my nephew got old enough to grab it and then pull it

if i hadn't gone with him he'd have pulled it out of my fucking face he literally got a he was like got a finger i got mine taken out when i was just getting too much pussy yeah yeah in year nine yeah i had to stop wearing the yellow drowning in flange You don't remember You don't remember the other colours You just remember blue In my head it was just blue

What? I don't believe it I don't believe it Why? Can I have an honest Adam? Can I have an honest Adam? have an honest is that all bullshit I want you to make a choice

one way or another whether you think it's true or not and I'll tell you the truth can I just dissect this it's the way

he's you've if you've jumped on the bullshit to make it believable the way you've sold it with the like no I thought

it was always blue I can't remember the other colours has made it annoyingly believable and I think a lot of people will be listening believing it but i'm calling ultimate bullshit but you've got to now be dead honest because what you do is go yeah it was true and then just as i stopped pressing record you'll go nah it was bullshit so will you be honest i'll be 100% honest it It's bullshit. You didn't have one. Of course you didn't have a fucking earring. You'd have punched him.

He didn't? No. No. Are you mental? Thanks for being honest. An interchangeable multi-coloured earring in year nine. And it's only just come up on episode 190. What are you talking about?

Who was the guy that you made up? No, he did have one. Scott Edmonds did have one. That's Scott. Two Ts. Two Ts. Edmonds. Where's he now?

On the run. Is he? Is he cat A, B or C? That's the question. He's on the run. They haven't caught me yet. Yeah. Actually, he's on the run is he is he cat A, B or C that's the question he's on the run they haven't caught me yeah actually he's on the run

yeah they keep going we're looking for a guy with a blue earring little do they know changes to red that's Scotty E he was bunhead

his mum was the one who sold hot dogs so we call them bunhead fact this is from Colleen wag wag boys hot dogs we call them bunhead fact this is from Colleen wag wag boys can you have a word

with my fella Johnny who is refusing to shave the back of my legs when I give myself a pre-swim trim bars

I have to clip the back of his neck sometimes why can't he return the favour it's not as if I'm asking him to deal with

the full bush tell him to get back there and help his sister out why don't you just go to a It's not as if I'm asking him to deal with the full bush. Tell him to get back there and help his sister out. Why don't you just go to a fucking professional leg shaver instead of getting your fellas to do it? Do you know what? I remember a time when professional leg shavers

hadn't taken over the high street like they have recently. Can't move for fucking professional leg shavers. Who shaves the back of their legs? Isn't that hairless? What? Do you mean the calf? Or the thigh? Isn't that hairless? What do you mean, the calf? Or the thigh? Why should we be shaving cows?

I couldn't even get out. It's so fucking stupid. I couldn't even say it. Why would we be shaving cows? What, is she doing it for aerodynamicism or something? Yeah, she famously does it for aerodynamicism? Yeah, she famously does it for aerodynamicism. Have a Word is now sponsored by your local high street leg shaving professionals

for increased aerodynamicity. Don't shave a cow, man. Shave your wife where's Colleen what fucking hell Ian Thorpe who else is on the run

Colleen oh my god listen women get a little bit of hair in you know on the back of their legs I mean they're like

that just stops them being able to swim just around the knicker line and I I I

I I I I I I I I

I I I I I I I I

I I I I I I I I

I I I I I I I I

I I I I I I I I

I I I I I I I I

I I I I I I I I

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I Annunciated just fine there. But, you know, like... He has to shave an arse when she goes swimming. What? The back of her legs? What? I'm not shaving your arsehole.

Neither your left arsehole or your right arsehole. What's Erica's arsehole doing at the back of her legs? I know she's supple, but that's taking the piss, isn't it? Look at the back of your knees. Arsehole. Jesus. No, she's obviously just getting some hairs. You know, she just wants to... Where?

No, I'm with Karl on this. The back of women's legs don't normally have hair on them. Gentlemen, the front of women's legs have hair on them. Yeah, and they shave that. Women have hairy legs. They don't enable you swimming, though. I don't even have hair on them. Women have hairy legs. They don't enable you swimming, though. I don't even have hair on the back of my legs. Really, if you compare it with the front.

Jesus Christ, Adam. That calf looked fucking impressive, then. That's an impressive calf, that kid. I've got cows under the desk. And it's juggling. That's why it's impressive And you've got a small goat Which is called

A kid I've got good legs Dan Always I've always will Because my legs Have to carry this around Oh I like it You know what I mean

So that my legs Are always working Played footy Since I was a young boy Still into my table tennis You know Oh yeah I've seen the evidence

Often walk around The city centre Yeah So me legs have a Got a job to do And they're capable of it So I have got You should get good legs

If you look at me Go on look at him Go on If you look at me look at me Dan look at me I can't look at you I need a prescription

but I'll get one with me dog when I'm walking it powerfully with my calves who are still alive because I don't eat calves I eat duck and I'm going to keep my calves

away from ducks because they could kill the fucking calves from before. That was spectacularly tied together there. Go on, I'm looking at you. If you look at me, all my weight is up here. Oh my God!

It's no blood big then. You've got a lot of features going on. Eyebrow, cock, calves. It's here. Yeah, yeah. It's all here. It's all beer Yeah, yeah. It's all here. It's all beer and Guinness and pies.

Everywhere else. I'm relatively fifth for a fat man is what I'm saying. Right. So you, yeah, okay, cool. I've got a big willy. I still want to know

where the hairs on this woman's leg are. On the back of her leg. I think she can't. The legs are... She's struggling to... Are we talking calf? Yeah. Or thigh or ass? I think she can't the legs she's struggling to are we talking calf yeah

or thigh or arse I would imagine up around the bum she shaves her arse so she can go swimming then I think she's asking for a little bit of help

I think she needs to go to a professional go and get it waxed I think yeah get your arse waxed before you go swimming it'll be smoother as well

to go like go see a doctor because your arse is on the back of your legs I'm going that's what everyone's arse is no I mean go swimming you'll be smoother as well to go like I'm going to see a doctor because your arse is on the back of your legs I'm going that's what everyone's arse is no I mean it's not you're making it sound like

there's I'm getting myself laser hair removal like a fucking child in a sweet shop I want that and I want that no but

this isn't impulsive I've been thinking about it oh yeah yeah I'm getting it for me back what have you got to do you got to get a dog you got to get a suit you got to get I want that. And I want that. No, but this isn't impulsive. I've been thinking about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm getting it on me back. What have you got to do? You've got to get a dog? You've got to get a suit? I'm not going to get two dogs on next year.

A timepiece? You can get your eyes done and then you can just move the lady around to Adam's arse. I'm not getting my arse done. I don't mind having hairs on my arse. I'm a man. It's me back. Me back looks weird.

Colleen, apparently you're the freak. Shave your arse yourself. on my ass i'm a man it's me back me back looks weird uh colleen apparently you're the freak shave your ass yourself you're a wookie um sounds like a slayer sounds awful little dirty wookie what was uh chewy What was Chewie? It's not a great Chewbacca. Come on. Have you not watched Star Wars?

Welsh. Have you not watched Welsh Star Wars? Look, I am your father. Isn't it? The Force? The Force is in you, isn't it? These are not the droid you're looking for. And other lines from Star Wars.

But I have fucked your sister. Right. It's funny when we do Harry Potter, isn't it? Peter! Pettigrew. Do it in Welsh. I can't. Can you? Peter Pettigrew.

Are you going to shout it? Peter Pettigrew. Expelliarmus. Short voice. A bit camp. I didn't say it was Welsh. I just said Expelliarmus. Mysh is good are you and says welsh um have you got a favorite movie quote yeah probably is equal 25 17 just because i learned it when i was a kid but it's probably not my favorite well it is if if you say it in the same way that he said it in the film. Then you are quoting the film, aren't you?

So stick that up both of your arseholes that are on the back of your legs. Left and right. Have you got a favourite film quote? Or like moment from a film or a scene or... Favourite moment. I like when Denzel Washington turns his card on in training day in the office baby yeah i mean that's pretty fucking cool then when he says you're in the office baby and then i haven't watched training day for ages still jay comes on put it on actually

you can't still jail the jail shelter us put it on oh yeah we're recording. Yeah, probably. Yeah, I've got loads, but that sticks in your mind. It's like, oh, that's a cool little moment. What's your... When Colonel Jessop snaps in a few good men. Yeah, it's an absolute corker, isn't it? Yep. We live in a world that has walls. There you go.

Can you do it in Welsh? No. We live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be do it in Welsh? No. We live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's going to do it? You! You, Lieutenant Weinberg! You want the truth?

You can't fucking handle the truth. Yeah. Can the people stop talking until left? A few good men. I would rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to. Just give Steve the mic so he's got something to say. What have you got, Steve?

That always reminds me, who's the Welsh guy who don't like the World Cup? Oh, Michael Sheen. Michael Sheen, have you seen him? He's just like the big battle cry kind of thing for Wales. Oh, it's good, that, yeah. Unbelievable, remind me of that. Yeah. Oh, it's good, that, yeah.

Unbelievable. Reminded me of that. Yeah. Michael Sheen is absolutely fucking quality in everything he does. He's national treasure level, or he will be. I don't know. I think he's well up there. Makes great polish as well.

Fucking good egg. What? Makes great polish as well? Yeah. Mr Sheen. He's also going to live long enough because he's been drinking calgon takes away from the top and bottom of it that oh it doesn't it does it's sort of sheen shine it ruins the memory of that absolutely phenomenal watch michael sheen live if you want your 49 year old Welsh actor

to live longer use Calgon don't it will actually poison him it's really bad for 49 year old man what's that an advert for? for Michael Sheen

it's just for Michael Sheen have you not seen the advert for keeping your Michael Sheen. It's just for Michael Sheen. Have you not seen the adverts for keeping your Michael Sheens alive? Getting very specific. Getting rid of the nemesisities. From my dad. Don't listen to this if you've got stuff to do.

If you've got a Michael Sheen to keep alive. Stick cattle gone in him. Michael Sheen to keep alive stick Calgon in Michael Sheen's wife I've been watching a podcast what other jingles are there

Danon what I've never heard him ask a question like this what's your favourite part of a film washing machines last longer

with Calgon yeah that's what he did everything in your stride is that tampons yeah is it yeah why do you know that why did i do my head you it's not with a rollerblade into the forest yes when women are like you know doing the fucking pole vault you need sanity on rollerblades'm rolling the blade adverts make like women on the period look like the most fun people rollerblade everywhere here's you walking on the moon imagine that with your period be a nightmare down on i don't let your period get in the way from all the trampolining you want to do. Or working in a foundry.

Do you like bass jumping? There's a magical place we're on, are we there? We're toiling a million all on the one roof. It's called Michael Sheen. What else is there? There's millions, says Geoffrey. What was the word? Something, do a race.

What's that one? Milky Way. That was the word? Something, do a race. What's that one? Milky Way. That's old. What about I like that? Oh, my God. The cars do a race. When the cars do a race. Oh, no, the bridge is gone.

Old Red can carry on. I like to chew it, chew it. I like to chew it. And he had to fucking bust his roller skates. He must have been on his fucking period. This isn't this isn't what we're ladies and

gents shall we call that a p to the o to the d this uh this podcast has been

sponsored by dot cottons dot cakes dot spread the cake dot spread the love dot love

cake dot dot dot dot dot cake also it's been sponsored Spread the cake. Spread the love. Dot love cake. Dot dot. Dot dot dot. Cake. Also, it's been sponsored by Calgon. Keep your Michael Sheens healthy and clean. Also, sponsored by Carves.

Remember, if you're going to cook a duck. Oh yeah, that was what we were talking about. Do you like duck? I'd like to try duck. But shredded. Like Brad Pitt. Do you like duck? In snatch.

Do you like duck? He is. He is shredded in snatch. Shredded. Shredded wheat. Words. Right. Thank you everyone.

There's a song. No, there's not. There's not a song this week. The song this week is the Calgon theme tune. It should be. If it isn't, then you've... There's millions, says Geoffrey. All on the wind.

This week, a lad called Caden Nolan. There's a song called Move. We're running out of tunes, so if you want to send one in, binleyathaveagoodnetwork.com. Send them in. We can't play them on YouTube. It only goes on the audio

because of copyright and all that jazz. However, appreciate you. What's he called? Caden Nolan. Caden Nolan. It's a fan of a tune, this. Also, if anyone was after arena tickets but didn't want to get the last few that are up in the gods,

we released 90 floor tickets last week. Really good seats. They were reserved by the venue for some reason. We don't know why. But the last of them is available now. Gigsandtours.com and Ticketquiz.com. You'll have to move pretty fucking quick for that. Also, there is no gods,

is there really? Like, they're all amazing. Yeah, they're all good seats, but they're higher up, of course, yeah. They were higher up at the back. Yeah.

And people were avoiding them, I think. Potted at the back. So, this is Kevin Nolan with his song When I Used to Play for Bolton. He's trying to follow in the footsteps

of all his sisters. The Nolan sisters. Not many people know that. Colleen and Kevin from the same womb. Hairy-legged freaks. I say no it's time to move When I feel it coming down And the sword is clasped in hand I get up

Just a little sometime to soothe The feeling in my throat Where it's changing to a frozen set up We finalize And we realize The steps we take to make things great I sympathize to the foreign ties It's now to do with compensating

Just need some time to soothe Just need some time to soothe I'll make you next move See the side of the man That's got nothing to lose Just need some time to soothe The damage left on him Needs more than tablets to soothe I'll make your next move

Never seen a sight so smooth Now I think I'm coming round I see all the sights and sounds I'm well off It's a thing of pick and choose When I'm running through the night With my face filled with delight I fell off I wanted eyes for the jilted guys

When it comes on through it's crazy It's now to do With the win or lose The way the truth Fancy crazy Just need some sound To know I'll make it It's fun Thank you. We'll see you next time. Thank you. And you know it.