Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #208 with Russell Kane - Have A Word w/Adam & Dan

Episode Date: January 23, 2023

Tickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Have A Word Live | https://haveawordlive.comDan's Tour | http://dannightingale.comAdam's Tour | https://adamrowe.co.uk/showsDan's Previews | https://danspreviews.comComedian's Club Chester: https://www.comediansclubchester.comAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, Sensei Carl's Big Fat Quiz and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for?Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsFinn's new single "I Think I Do" is out now: https://linktr.ee/finnlaykThanks to this week's sponsors:Manscaped | https://manscaped.com20% off with the promo code: WORD20True Classic Tees | https://trueclassictees.com/WORD25Get 25% off with promo code WORD25 at checkout #trueclassicpodBetterHelp | https://betterhelp.com/word10If you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can get you there. Get 10% off your first month!NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordGrab your EXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal by going to nordvpn.com/haveaword to get a Huge Discount off your NordVPN Plan + a Bonus Gift! It’s completely risk free with Nord’s 30 day money-backStitch Fix | https://stitchfix.co.uk/word20% off when you keep all five items!Sneak Energy | https://sneakenergy.comUse code 'WORD10' for BOTH the creator code (in your cart) AND discount code (at checkout) for 10% off your order and 100 elite points!Merch:https://haveawordpod.comFind us everywhere:https://haveaword.pageDiscord:https://discord.gg/haveawordpodFollow the podcast, our hosts and our guest on social media:Have A Wordhttps://facebook.com/haveawordpodhttps://twitter.com/haveawordpodhttps://instagram.com/haveawordpodAdam Rowehttps://facebook.com/adamrowecomedianhttps://twitter.com/adamrowecomedyhttps://instagram.com/adamrowecomedianDan Nightingalehttps://facebook.com/danhasapodcasthttps://twitter.com/danhasapodcasthttps://instagram.com/danhasapodcastRussell Kanehttps://twitter.com/russell_kanehttps://instagram.com/russell_kaneADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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The very best in below the belt men's grooming. Enjoy the episode. It's going to be a belter. Now, I'm getting the word nuts. Oh, you think darkness is your ally. Cha! Upset me, nasty bitch. The star sign. Darkness is your ally. Cha! Upset me, nasty bitch! Disgusting!

Wag wag leads, you're listening to the funniest podcast in the game with Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn. Shut up, Finn. You good-looking, big-fingered Welsh weirdo. This is the one and only, the now infamous, the soon-to-be legendary. Have a word. Go, Ed ed get on me How are we? Sad.

Quite weird doing a podcast when I've spent literally every week and minute with both of you all week. Yeah, apart from the airport when I just was like, oh, I've had enough now. Yeah, you tapped out. I just wanted to charge.

Also, I was sad about the death of Finn, you know, because he OD'd on pot. He's been replaced by someone better though. You know, because he OD'd on pot. He's been replaced by someone better, though. You know, you go to Amsterdam, he's an expert. He took us round, he guided us, and then he violently OD'd on pot, which apparently you can't do, but Finn did. No, you can't OD on pot,

but if you do enough pot that you think you can fly. That was it, yeah. He OD'd on buildings, really, didn't he? One too many buildings, and then it was gone. That weed cafe on a roof. Bad idea, Amsterdam. Without giving away sort of what happened over there, can I just say, hand on heart, I'm a pot man now.

A potter. I can't remember the last day I didn't do pot. Was it Monday? Yesterday, wasn't it? Yeah, it was Monday. Oh, no, it was yesterday. No, I got some secondhand pot yesterday, didn't I? I was in a boat.

Everyone else was smoking pot. Like a charity shop. What? Like a charity shop. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You used pot. Yeah, I love it.

A pottsman. Pottsman. Potto. Addyman. Poto. Addy Potter. How far are we going to tell them what happened? Well, obviously. I think they've just got to wait for the special. There's going to be an inquiry about Finn, but, um, that'll be public.

But, um, when the Amsterdam police have dealt with that and the coroner's sorted that out, I think that's going to be something we probably talk about. Um, we can, we can say it was a great trip that's my favorite i don't i hope it comes out well i know there was some funny fucking moments it will be out on patreon at the start of february 10th of february the 10th of feb and i think it was great but i tell you what in terms of enjoying a trip that i've had with you guys that's going to be the best that was've done, yeah. That was my favourite trip.

And then in a couple of months' time, Nashville's going to poo all over it. Well, yeah. Poo. There was one point on the Wednesday night where I've never been more content and happy in my whole fucking life. By the time we got to the Irish boozer, oh, my, I was literally just walking through like, I bloody love everyone. I like life. It wasn't even a great boozer.

There was a moody lady serving us fucking food. That's because you were popping mushrooms, like they were fucking Skittles, mate. Yeah, that's true. No, you're like, are you Skittles? Dutch people. Dan, get off the Skittles. Oh, he's got mushroom Skittles.

Dutch people are, and this isn't a generalisation, but nobody broke this generalisation down. Rude. Well. I mean, I get it, because the tourism over there. They all scare the cameras as well. Like, if you're recording on your phone, they're just like, doesn't matter, no, it's just your mobile phone. How has your Dutch accent got worse after three days in Amsterdam? What was that last word?

Horseshoes. Horseshoes. Horseshoes. It's okay on your phone. This is good. You can watch. You can do this. Oh, you whip out a thousand pound cannon.

Oh, excuse me. No, you cannot record on the train. Other people will. I will stop the train and I will drive it into the canal. So stop it. Now. Is this a camera you're recording on a form of transport?

Where are you from? I couldn't give a fuck. I will end your life. You want that? With your camera. Have you ever had a camera shoved up your ass? Not in a sexy way. They fucking hate cameras. Welcome to the Van Gogh Museum. You can take as many photographs as you like, but do not

do it in a video format. Or we will literally, we will drag Van Gogh out of his grave and throw him in the canal. Do you want his corpse in the canal many years after your dad? No, I don't think so. Put camera away. That won't work, though.

By the way, can I just... That'd just fuck you up, wouldn't it? Can I just say as a spoiler, one of the worst moments of my life happened in the Van Gogh Museum. And it wasn't when Finn died? No. Genuinely one of the top three worst moments of my entire life was in the Van Gogh Museum.

So what happened was... No. Me and Carl used to play boners with each other. No, no, no, no, no. Leave it as that. Leave it as that. All you need to know is when Adam decides to play boners, he picks quite the time.

I won boners for life. Oh, God. Forever. That is a, yeah. You get the Boners Cup. You're like Brazil after the 1970. That's yours now. You keep that.

I'm getting the super Ballon d'Or of Boners. Literally have to change the word. So, Amsterdam. What a place. Second time I've been. Well better the second time. Warm, isn't it? It was balmy.

Yeah. It was when I was wrapped up to fuck it did feel cold yeah I'll give you that wasn't jazzy it was absolutely freezing in Liverpool

all week this week it was snowing but yeah it's just it's winter innit it's fine the first night

I thought we were going to be inside so I just had a little casual jacket on yeah fuck I did not make that mistake. I thought the weather was all right. I didn't think it was nice.

I didn't think it was frabs. It was cold. Like, having a fleece on was enough for me. Also, when your dick's out so much, you do feel the cold, don't you, Carl? Don't ruin it. You should have just whipped that back. Don't ruin it.

Oh, fuck it. It's sort of sexual. I don't know if you'd expect that. That was one of the saddest moments of my life as well. Yeah. You're not going to be able to see inside that because... That man looked into my soul as he was ploughing. Yeah.

Tell you what, coming up on mushrooms in a sex show makes it less sad. You were so happy. Oh, mate. Just watching some fucking sex workers' balls slap away. I don't think before this trip I've ever done pot, you know. I think I've been doing it wrong all these years. What, been inhaling with your ear what you've been doing this isn't working like i just thought it was like a ciggy so you just pull back and you blow it out and

you've had pot but you have to suck in twice don't you i didn't know that it worked when we did me and carl definitely had a pot experience. You're going to see two people doing some pot. I can't wait to see the footage back. Not for very long. I just want to let you know, if you're like, oh my God, they're going to get baked for three days. No, really? Oh, I did.

I was baked for three days. I was like a Oh, I did. I was baked for three days. I was like a fucking potato, mate. Baked me all day long. Adam did all right. Carl went in the paint for all of 15, 20 minutes and then nearly died in the paint. That paint was strong, though. Hello, darkness, my old friend.

I miss the goatee. I do. You look, you look. You need some air back on your face. I know, I know. But you can't, once you've gone daft and cut a goatee in and then dyed it fucking Adam Rowe dark brown, you can't just be like, cool, I'm letting everything grow.

So it's back, I've gone back to black. I've gone back to, I've gone, ooh, snorted. You've just, so I'm now chemo fresh which is not great because fuck me i wasn't expecting that this morning well it's i just look ill as soon as i shave everything that is you yeah shocks the rebel you couldn't look more like that man you are are the former Don't Flop battle rap champion of the UK. Yeah, yeah. I spit at the eyes of me. He's sick, Shox.

I've seen him live twice. Yeah, he's great. Very, very good beard. I've seen him battle Lou Cipher from America. And I've seen him battle Tony in person. Well, he looks ill. And so do I. No, you don't.

Again, you look younger. All right, cool. I'm going back to the beard. I want my wife to have sex with me again. And magician paedophile was not doing it for her. So I'm going back to a bit of a little gingery beard. Is that all right? Yeah.

Fucked around, messed around, annoyed some people. Now I've annoyed them again by shaving it off. I can't believe you let us get used to it. I got to the point where I liked it and then you've got rid of it. I'm not messing. I was like, oh, you look actually well better. No, it's fine. It's not my face. Just messing around. I'll let my

jokes be funny rather than my fucking face. But if I... Get that on the poster. If I could grow hair, I'd be the dickhead who did loads of different things with it. Because I love fucking around. Like, it's fun.

Why don't we actually do the turkey special? All right, cool. You get your head on. But what do they do? Talk me through... Because in my head, it's that Bill Burr bit when they're like... Stapling shit in your head. Yeah, because in my head, it's that Bill Burr bit when they're like, stapling shit in your head.

Yeah. No, they take it, we've said this before, but they shave a Turkish woman's arsehole and they put an arsehole there on your head, but it looks good. Yeah. Right.

I mean, what? Have you not seen, like, the results? Which team? Show him! Rob Holden. Rob Holden, mate. Have you seen his hair transplant?

Rob Holden. Oh my God. He's not playing football. Show him the before and after Holden Mate have you seen His hair transplant Rob Holden Oh my god Show him the Before and after Of Rob Holding The Arsenal footballer Arsenal player Yeah

Have you not seen this Is it Holding or Holden Holding Holding Rob's holding onto His hair now mate Fucking hell Wait until you see this

Can I have a Turkish woman's Arsehole hair then Do you have to Do you have to pick her out of a line? She bends over and you're like, ooh. Right. I can't see anything.

I can see Gary Oldman in slow horses. And I'd still rather look like Gary Oldman. Do you know who Gary Oldman's sister is? Kathy Burke? No. No, it's not. No, that's not even the one I'm talking about. It's the one where he's got long hair now. Yeah. Yeah, it's not. No, that's not even the one I'm talking about. He's got long hair now.

Yeah. Yeah, look at that. That is... So he's gone from Dennis Bergkamp to Diego Forlan. Oh, my. Oh. That's the same person. What?

There is a Turkish woman missing a lot of arsehole hair for Rob Holding. How good's that? Do you not want that in your life? You'd look fucking great with that hair. Yes. Yeah. Let's take you to Turkey then. Next special.

What colour do you want? What? I want to look like Rob Holding. I think you're too blonde. I want to look like a beautiful Swedish boy. Okay. That is Rob Holding. Gary Oldman's sister Is Mo

Big Mo I knew it was a cockney fatty From EastEnders Yeah Mad Yeah Mad They look similar though

Mo and Kathy Burke You can see where I got it from In my head there was a visual Mo and Kathy Burke Don't look similar at all I'd love Kathy Burke To come on the podcast you know Yeah she's fucking brilliant

Lock in with Kathy Beck would be unbelievable. Oh, my God. Yeah, okay, cool. I'm in. I'm in. As long as I get to pick out the arsehole hair. Can they go from bald? This isn't me offending you.

Can they go from bald? Or does it have to be... I think at best I'll end up like Zidane, but I'll try for Forlan. Is that all right? Yeah. But he isn't bald, is he? He's balding.

Because the other day he had like hair around the back, so there is something to work with. Claire. There's Claire balding around the back. Rob Holden on the top. Kathy Burke in the bedroom. Just find out when he got it. That's probably like two years worth

and maybe like fucking 50 grand or something because he's rich but that is fantastic you know what he's done there yeah i'll just get ripped though won't i why is it just easy to just be like yeah it's going who gives a fuck it's up to you who's gonna rip you though oh look at you oh i don't know everyone that's ever followed me on social media ever i no, no, no, no. I don't think they... I think people would genuinely be, like, good for you. Like, if my hair ever starts to go, by the way, I'm going to Turkey.

Like... Steve wants to go this year. All right. So we're all going. Yeah. What will me and Adam get? I am a little worried that if I look like a beautiful Uruguayan centre forward,

I'm not going to want to live in a four-bedroom semi in a village in Cheshire. I think it might change things. Which thing four-bedroom semi do we play for United? Sorghal. What do me and Carl get? Because you're getting your hair done. I want my nipples, Peter. So if we're...

I want my nipples, Devin. If you're getting your hair done on the company account, then me and Carl are owed a procedure. I've got quite small nipples. So I'll get her arsehole there. You can have her nipples. Mate, she's honestly, she's retiring on our visit.

Are we taking parts of Mr Potato Head here? I'll have your lips, girl. There you go. Nipples on Potato Head would be fucking rough. I've got quite small nipples. Why does that keep making me laugh? And quite small ears. Can I see your nips?

Yeah. Can we get them on camera? Oh, that's us demonetised. Carl, I know we like to joke around and whatnot, but you've got healthy Spanish human nipples. There's nothing wrong with them, kid. They seem to be quite small. Can I get a vagina on my shoulder?

Oh. I've looked for that. It doesn't exist. Next to your fucking chip. No, I'd like to have a vagina on me at all times, just in case I'm ever bored. I can just have a little finger on me. I don't want to lose my dick.

Do you feel the sensation of her pussy? I feel like... No. So you're just practising? Can it... But it does get wet? Oh, my God. Right.

Can I get, like, a fanny on me leg? Me leg. Why do you want that? Imagine that. Falling asleep on a train. Waking up. Someone's like... Oh, no.

Imagine someone falls asleep on your shoulder and they're licking you out. What do you do when you're asleep? Yeah, talk me through sleeping on someone's shoulder. Oh, look, he's resting. He's tired. I want a Brazilian bum lift. I nearly thought you said bum lick.

What's wrong with your bum? You've got a saggy bum. I've got a bit of a... I've got a small bum. I've got a Mike Wazowski bum. You're a plump. Have you seen Mike Wazowski bum. You're on a plump. Have you seen Mike... Have you seen Mike Wazowski's arsehole?

He's got no arse, Wazowski. His whole head's a cheek. Is that the lawyer? Do you not... Have you not seen my arse? No, I've seen months of it. This is how we deal with grief. Finn's gone.

We're all getting our arses and nipples out. I could do with a bigger bum. Why? Trust me, as a man with a big arse out I could do with a bigger bum why? trust me as a man with a big arse what? you don't want a big bum you can't buy pants

I couldn't even buy a maid I want I want your arse oh no you'd never get through doors I couldn't buy a football shirt today because my

it didn't fit my arse it bunched up on your fucking hips I I need a bigger arse yeah do you really? yeah do you think it's taken It bunched up on your fucking hips. I need a bigger ass. Yeah? Do you really?

Yeah. Do you think it's taken away from your comedy? Look. Fuck me. You've got like... How are your jeans staying up? My jeans fall down all the time. Oh. I'm a fan.

I do can't keep his jeans up. You've got Kayleigh's arse from round the council estate. She goes the off of you. Oh my god, you've got Mike Wazowski's arse? Who's in the same colour? Have I missed the porno where Mike

Wazowski gets his arse out? What the fuck the fuck's going on, mate? If he had kids. Why have you got your fucking pants off? What's going on? When did you see Mike W? What's going on? Why won't you be honest? When did you see Mike Wazowski's arse? When? In Monsters, Inc. 3.

What, Mike gets bummed? Monster pussy. You don't want my arse. It's more annoying than you think. I want a halfway arse between my arse and your arse. Well, why don't we just get a bit of yours taken off and put a bit of it on his? A bum transplant?

A bum transplant. Honestly, in Turkey, for cash, they'll do fucking anything. Yeah, don't worry, my friend. We're not thin, we give him a discount called fincaja, which is ten in Welsh. Get a little bit of your chunk, put it on your Wazowski. Pow. You'd be more confident then.

Have you never noticed me ass before now? I've been really worried about your confidence recently. You've been lacking. And now I know it's because you've got that fucking... What is that? It's mad, isn't it? It's just a drop off. Isn't it mad?

It's such a weird bum. I just couldn't think of... You're a man now, you don't need a good bum. You just want a good bum now. Girls love cock. Why don't you get some of his arse taken off and put on your cock? That doesn't solve any of our problems.

We could have done that in Amsterdam. There would have been a service for that. Right, so Booker's in for turkey. I'm ready. I reckon he'd... In all seriousness, I would do it. In all seriousness, they do it for free as well. Like if we did it

for the podcast like Paul Smith got his teeth for nothing John May got his teeth for nothing right how are your teeth happy

I'm back on my Invisalign train I never get what Paul got that's I don't want me I don't want me teeth shaving down I'm going to

I've been to the dentist last week yeah and I'm going to get you've been to the dentist last week. Yeah. And I'm going to get... You know the trays I used to have? Yeah. And I stopped wearing them when I broke up with my ex

and just went off the rails for a bit. So they've measured my teeth. How big are they? And I'm collecting my trays on Monday morning at nine before I go and do dead men talking alright because you need to look fresh for dead men

but I am going to have to wear them a lot more regularly than I did last time so there is going to be a lot of less on the podcast

no thank you I can't I can't say it what are you putting in your mouth an apple you've never tried to talk with plastic

in your gob have you I haven't never tried to talk with plastic in your gob have you i haven't no it's it's hard i'm gonna have to leave them in during podcasts i can take them off and on stage because less time but when we're doing the podcast i've got to have them in all right well get ready for lispy adam but yeah we if kevin lispy if we told or asked uh uh what are they called like Like a clinic? Is that a clinic? Yeah. They would definitely.

Probably a butcher's. Go on. They would definitely do it. A hundred percent. Yeah. But it's also like. I feel like I've got a bit of inbuilt xenophobia about Turkish medicine. No, they're the best doctors in the world.

No, they're not. No, because they're the cheapest. That's why they're gone. No, they're not cheap at all because they're the cheapest. No, they're not. No, they're not cheap at all. Yeah, they're cheaper than getting it done here. No, it isn't. The reason people go there

is because it's the best. No, that's not why people go there. No, it is. No. I don't think it is. It's not cheaper than the UK. I think it probably is. Why would Paul Smith have gone there?

Because you get a nice holly bo's, you hang out with Jordan. You can go on Aldi whenever you want. Right. I just don't think it's cheaper than here, is it? It's about the same price, but more of the money in Turkey goes to the surgery because of the taxes over here. So that's why we're doing it, to prop up the Turkish economy. No, because they're the best.

And the best go there because they earn more money per thing because they don't get taxed as much. It's scary. It isn't a cheap thing. Otherwise, you wouldn't get Jordan, who's a millionaire, going there to do it, would you?

Yeah, because she probably got it done for free as well, didn't she? She did, actually, yeah. I'd like to get it done in a place called London. That'd be good. I just think they're going to do it well. You can't go for London, eh, lad?

London tea. All right. Let's turn to Rob Beckett. Hello. I'm Gary Oldman's sister. Are they changing your voice box as well? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what they do. Hello.

All right. Fucking massive teeth, innit? Imagine you came back to us like that. Just come back looking like Rob Beckett. All right. Would you change fucking massive TV. Why didn't you come back to us like that? Just come back looking like Rob Beckett. All right. Would you change your accent if you could? Like, would you change your voice? What, if I could?

Yeah. Didn't we do this last week? Have we had to have an accent? No, I don't think he means accent. Oh, just go deeper. Just go naturally deeper. Yeah, whatever. If they want, we can, while we're doing you there,

do anything else you want. I don't want turkey voice. Yeah. whatever. If they want, we can, while we're doing you there, do anything else you want. I don't want turkey voice. Yeah. So you want turkey voice. Coming back with Diego Forlan's hair, your fucking Carl's arse,

some big ass nipples. Hello, Matt. My name's Dan Mattingill. I do podcast. Do you reckon you would recognise yourself now three years ago when you started the podcast?

No. You had a fucking black goatee yesterday. In three years, you could look like a bit man with big nipples i think it's great to have aspirations in it um some i'm all right with my voice sometimes a bit twangy bit twangy and annoying yeah i find you know it's all right though i'd like to be like 20 percent more black american. But all Scouse. What the fuck, lad? Every fifth word.

Hey, yo. Yeah. Something like, you all right today? Yo, yo. I'm going to come to yours and smash your fucking back doors in, girl. Can I have three shoo? Can I have three shoo, my? Hey, yo.

I did love that. By the way, big news and two lots of big news, actually. First of all, I found me new chippy. Oh, that's massive news. Hey, yeah.

I still haven't found my new one since I've moved and it fucking breaks me heart. Do you know where you need to go? Where? And it's a little Jones in your car. Chayou's. No, because last time I loved Chayou's,

it made me bum bum bad. That's my new chippy. It's your new chippy? Yeah. Not even for just spring rolls? No. I've started going for, like, me regular chippy happenings,

and they're absolutely fantastic. The best salt and pepper ribs I've ever had in my life. They're not paying me to say this. The spring rolls in there are just life-changing. Yeah. Chayus on Park Road. Life-changing spring rolls? Yes.

Yeah, you eat one and you're like, everything's different now. Yeah. No, Dan. Look at Will. Yeah. That good? They're absolutely absurd. Oi, Chayus, will you open something in Sorghal?

I know it sounds like you're not going to make loads of money, but there's no takeaways. I've got no... Only Domino's deliver. You make... Fuck it. I will pay the rent. I tell you what.

Someone open a decent takeaway with a lovely chicken shish kebab in Sorghal, and I'll pay the rent. And everything else after that, you can just make profit. Have you not got a good chippy now? No. Jumbo's on Princess Drive. Fucking go to the chippy. Jumbo sounds bad though,

doesn't it? No, it does sound like it's going to be shit. No, it's called Jumbo's because the portions that I've said.

Yeah, I know, but you know what I mean in terms of like, as a title, it doesn't sound like a good chippy. I've always thought this. I'm glad you said that.

Jumbo's sounds like a bad chippy. I've always thought this. I'm glad you said that. Jumbo sounds like a bad chippy. It sounds like it's only just opened. Yeah, I know what you mean. Chayou's has been there since the beginning of Chinese. No, Jumbo's used to be in Daisy. It's moved. Like China was there and then Chayou's opened right after China. Yeah, they got kicked out.

I haven't got a new one yet. Yeah, honestly. But it made me bum bum bad. Yeah, well, just take that as a bad day. Trust me. And go back. I haven't got a new one yet yeah honestly but it made me bum bum bad yeah well just just take that as a bad day trust me and go back because as a chippy

it's fucking like they're the best salt and pepper ribs I've ever had the chips what's your it's ten minutes from yours what's your chayu's order

what what's your chayu's it's like google arguing no it's not it's fucking welfare it's not even ten minutes it's like you know less less than one.

What's your order? Right. Like tonight you get back, you go chippy. Right. So the other night I went there. Just remembered what you ordered in the Chinese. Oh my God. Henry VIII in a fucking Chinese.

I had the munchies for the first time in my life and you gave me a business card and a Chinese menu. Finn turned up and asked for a menu and he went, oh no, there's already a lot of food. Did he order pages? We've done that before. Paul Smith did that once. You go, I'll have the page.

Paul Smith asked for page three in the Mayflower. Oh my God. And then we all fell asleep. You don't need to write down all the numbers i'll have 11 through 33 thanks oh that was a madman um yeah so i went to chayu's the other night and i got salt and pepper ribs classic i got half chips half fried. And I got a pot of curry sauce. And I got two portions of spring rolls as well. That's a very basic order. That's how hungry you want to get it done and how I like it.

Yeah, he's going to have to double that when he's potted. Salt and pepper chicken is great. The chips are like top, top, top level chippy chips. Really, yeah. I can't believe I've never tried it as a chippy before. That's the level of a good chippy, the chippy chips. The chippy, by mine, the chips aren't good, so I've wrote it off.

Yeah? Yeah, which you absolutely should. Yeah. Because that's the foundation of the whole thing, isn't it, surely? Yeah. Absolutely unbelievable. The chips are excellent. The fried rice is good.

The curry sauce is, you know when it's like a bit green? Yeah. It's just... In a good way. Chinese curry sauce, if it's like a bit green in colour, is just... We should take him to gravy, Ken. Ever been to gravy, Ken? No.

The gravy's not... It's gone off a cliff. Has it? Yeah. There used to be a chippy in town, right near Hotwater, and like all good chippies, it has not been done up in 100 years.

Which is the right... They didn't even have a name. But they used to do, their gravy, honestly, was worth traveling for. Like me and Karl used to like be in town and we'd like, it's a bit of a walk up to that and we'd be like. Traveling, like people are coming in from fucking Wakefield.

Should we go to the gravy gaff? Because the chips and gravy from there was just like nothing you've ever tasted in your life. Oh my God. What's your order from the chippy? I've got moods, mate. If I'm just hungry, I'll just get chips, fried rice and curry sauce and have boss chip butties.

If you're sad? If I'm sad, I'll get loads. Right. I like a satay. Yeah, yeah. I like a basic sweet and sour. I know it's proper basic. Salt and pepper chicken is my go-to,

but also I like a beef green pepper with black bean sauce. I like a vermicelli as well. Have you got an angry order? I've got an angry... I'll probably just go somewhere else.

I don't want to be seen as racist. Somewhere, somewhere white. Yeah. Listen, you cunt. Nando's. Nice.

But yeah, I'm a basic man with the chippy. What's your order from a Chinese? A Chinese chippy? It's not really my go-to, is it? But in Belfast, after the gig,

which was the first gig of the tour, the only place in Open was like a Chinese sitting place and I had salt and pepper chicken, proper salt and pepper chicken for probably the first time. Absolutely sensational. i'll give you that caspian's my go-to but it's like a kebab place so i get a chicken sheesh and uh if i'm and then chips obviously and if i'm really hungry i'll get a garlic bread but as for cheese on half and then i make a little garlic bread cheese toasty cheese so like the six pieces and the

cheese is in the middle of the garlic bread but no cheese me yeah. So like the six pieces and the cheese in the middle. I'd say the garlic bread but no cheese, mate. Yeah, I like a bit of... I like both. Depends. I don't like a too cheesy one. Yeah, they overdo it, don't they?

And in a slightly related and second bit of big news for me, I've booked in me laser hair removal. In the chippy? How are they related? That's what they do. I've got six sessions of laser hair removal. You'll be ready? How are they related? That's what they do. I've got six sessions of laser hair removal.

You'll be ready in 15 minutes. Lie down. Yeah. Where for? Me back. Your back? He's got a hairy back. Yeah.

You want to see me back? Yeah. You've seen everything else. Go on. God, it's been a very naky episode, hasn't it? Oh, yeah. It's patchy.

Can I ask a serious question? When you get rid of that, can I have it? I'll save some money in Turkey. Fucking hell, lad. Have you got Adam Rowhead? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I know what you mean. So where's that?

It's a girl called Saz. Her name's Saskia. Saskia. She sounds fit. All name's Saskia. Saskia. She sounds fit. All Saskias sound fit. Apparently she is. She's also a... A lesbian.

Legs pussy, knock off. A thespian. Well, that makes her even more attractive, innit? Yeah. That's like a challenge, innit? No. I respect all of her sexual life decisions. I've had sex with a few lesbians, me.

I always feel like more of an accomplishment. What? I've sh sex with a few lesbians, mate. I always feel like more of an accomplishment. What? I've shagged a few lesbians. What? I've shagged a few lesbians. I don't know how else you want me to say it. So they've gone, lad, I'm dead gay.

But all of this. Yeah. No, what's happened is he's had sex with women and afterwards they've gone, I'm a lesbian. It's more likely. I think it's happened is he's had sex with women and afterwards they've gone, I'm a lesbian. It's more likely. I think it's three lesbians. Three bisexual girls?

No, not according to them. Oh, really? One, I was quite young. The others, one was like last year. Yeah. I got to talk to a girl. One of the six? One of the six? One of the six.

One of the six. Yeah, yeah. I got to talk to a girl while I was out. I can't remember who I was out with. And my mate was sort of trying to get off

at one of her mates. She was in like quite a big group and she was just like, and she looked a bit like a lesbian as well. And she's like yeah i'm gay and i was just talking to her just like laughing along and fucking about and then she she kissed me and i was like i thought you're lesbian she's like i am but i don't know and then um she doesn't sound like a lesbian she she had sex with me and i mean she's in a relationship with a woman now.

Oh. So. Does that reflect on you? So you were her away day? Yeah but that's the third. I think lesbian is just fine. There's something about me that lesbians like. You look like one? Mm. Mm.

Yeah. Like Gary Oldman's sister. A few of my ex-girlfriends have been bisexual. I think there's something about like and pussy that means they like me as well it's something you've got in common yeah both pussy wielders

both got hairy backs you know what what I like I love a hairy back and I just can't get it with these ladies take me home let me sleep

in your back hair. It's unusual. It's unusual. I'm sure there's some gay girls watching and listening going, she doesn't sound fully gay. No. You know, because she had sex with you, a man. Yeah.

But, you know, you're the confuser. You are very sexual, you know? Because I'm straight, but sometimes it's hard to concentrate when you're sat there with your no arse. Fair enough. You've nagged him so much today, you know? What? Are you trying to shag him?

You've nagged him twice now. Oh, I'm sorry. Do I not get nagged on this podcast? No. What are you talking about? He got his no arse out. He literally went, I've got no arse. And I went, yeah, lad, you've got no arse.

No, you went, you're very... Fucking hell, Dad. Got a bit arse there, mate. If he says he's got Mike Wise arse, you've got to be like, no, babe, you're fine. No, that's not nagging. No. No, you went, you're very sexual.

No, you've got a really big, hairy, sully arse. You're very sexual with your no arse. That's a definition of... I'm just being a bit of a dick. You're trying to bum his head off. Oh, do've got a really big, hairy, sully ass. You're very sexual with your no ass. That's a definition of... I'm just being a bit of a dick. You're trying to bum his head off. Oh, do you think I'm trying to bum him? That's what negative... Fuck, he's good, isn't he?

But you know what negative is? Oh, my God, I was straight, and he started... I've just started negative. He's so sexual. See, and now I've got men fighting over me as well. Just back off, he's mine. Women, men, straight or gay, they all want to fuck me. Oh, my God, Adam's turned me into a lesbian.

Sorry, Carl. You look fine. men straight or gay they all wanna fuck me oh my god Adam's turned me into a lesbian um sorry Carl you look fine no you don't know what Negan means yes I do shut up do you actually know what Negan means

yes I don't think you do well I'm not trying to bum him Negan's like backhanded compliments isn't it to make them be like oh he likes me

but ooh he also recognises that I've got flaws ooh maybe I'm lucky to have them. That's what Negan is. Classic Negan. See a girl in a bar, go over to her and go,

fucking hell, do you know who's beautiful? Not you! Gives you a shoulder. Yeah, yeah. I've never done Negan, but I think it's basically, you go up to her and go, hey girl, fucking hell, did you just have an operation at the hospital? Are you doing all right?

No, it's more like, I don't normally like earrings, but they look all right on you. That's a neg, isn't it? Oh, that's too subtle, because I don't go for intelligent women. I go up to them and go, fucking hell, your head's massive.

Come here. That's my negging. Usually I don't like mullets, but yours is actually alright. Jesus Christ, look at this. Hell alright, tiny tits. I won't be able to get a tit wank off you, will I? Giz you pussy. Get your tits out. How much do you earn?

I earn loads, and I'm dead hot and you're not welcome back before we get going I'm drinking sneak it's my favourite energy drink use code word 10 what flavour is that? it's my mixy flavour

mixy? strawberry and watermelon with a bit of bubblegum it's my favourite at the moment three different flavours strawberry and watermelon's a bit of bubble gum. It's my favourite at the moment. That's three different flavours. Strawberry and watermelon's one. I do this. Something very satisfying about making your own

little fucking concoctions. Isn't that like having a bit of crack and heroin at the same time? Like, you know, there's other analogies you could have used. You could have gone Coke

and a little bit of Fanta at Nando's, which is fire, by the way. I love a little bit of Fanta in a Coke. There's a Scottish drinks company that does mixy drinks in glass bottles. I had one in Edinburgh a couple of weeks ago when we were previewing Juicy,

and it was absolutely disgusting. Right. Well, I've never forwarded science, you know, and the learning of man, but that's my little part of it. Like, maybe no one's ever done this. What? Imagine what it would be like to forward science.

Like, imagine making a fucking discovery and you're just a fucking, like, guy for good. Do you know what I mean? But maybe you have. And then just gone, ah, everyone will know that. What would you like named after you? What do you mean? Like a vaccine or like a comet?

It's all science, isn't it? A comet. A vaccine. Or a comet. Or a hurricane. Or a comet. I identify as a hurricane in many ways. They're not named after people.

They're just given names of people. No, it's the first person who sees it. No, it's not. It is. That's why they're always called like Norma and that. No, they were. Constra were always keeping an eye on the weather. Oh, who got in there? Who got in there first? Norma and that. No, they weren't. Consul were always giving an eye on the weather. Oh, who got in there?

Who got in there first? Norma from Kentucky. Good eyes there. Hurricane Adam. Hurricane Adam. When it comes right round. That'd be the first of the year, wouldn't it? Yeah.

I'd like a comet that is also a vaccine. That'd be impressive, wouldn't it? Fucking hell. I got hit by that comet. And now I don't have COVID because i'm dead what a song um so yeah get on this sneak um do you want to do the uh thing you thought of we were going to do uh favorite villains of all time we were having a discussion on the flight back from dadam i just just, do you remember a few years ago,

I wanted to start a podcast called Top Five. Do you remember? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we recorded an episode of it in your house and not whenever I got done with it. Yeah. And the idea was you pick your top five comics, start with another comic,

but also your top five, something else, start with a comic as well. I just think we should start doing your top five comics sat with another comic but also your top five something else sat with a comic as well i just think we should start doing a top five feature where we've all got our own top fives of something and we have to try and make one between the three of us yeah where it's like i have a weird top five 15 possible choices we have to get down to five well maybe 15 because some are just like first ballot hall of fame. So we're going villains, TV and movie. That's what we're going to start with.

So this is villains. Who do you think are the top five villains of all time? Yeah. Not bad guys, because there's some bad ladies. I've got one. My number one is a lady. Right, should we go? Should we go Carl's number one?

Go on. I think I've matched it. It's Dolores Um right should we go should we go Carl's number one go on I think we're gonna have I think I've matched it it's Dolores Umbridge Dolores Umbridge from Harry Potter oh she was a fucking menace

she's a fucking cunt is what she is like if I seen the actress who played her in the street I'd hate her that's how good

of a role she played Imelda Imelda Staunton whatever the bitch's name is i fucking is that hater is that where we're going today oh my god come on though like she this is a compliment to her yeah she's a good it's a compliment to her that she it's the subtlety and it's a little oh my god honestly like i know this sounds really bad.

Do you know when like the news breaks that she's dead in real life, I will feel good about it. Yeah, Dolores Umbridge is dead. Yeah. Imelda Stoughton. What does that mean, Dolores Umbridge? An absolute national treasure of British TV. But that's how much of a good actor she is

that she can make you feel like this. Oh my God. I feel like you've got to hate a character. Rules must be followed. Shut up, you big cunt. She was cruel as well. She wasn't just like

annoying. She was genuinely cruel, wasn't she? She scratched in the lines. I'm sorry, I must not lie. And she used fucking

Crucio on a person, didn't she? Doesn't she fucking... No. What? No. Oh, well. Now Imelda's done.

You're all right. Keep going. Keep going, babe. She's a very good actor. To play a role where we actually hate the person behind the role. Oh, God. She did the voiceover for the Gruffalo. You know, the book on tape.

Etta was really into it. Played it. And in my head, I'm like, Dolores Umbridge is reading the Gruffalo, you know, the book on tape. Etta was really into it, played it, and in my head I'm like, Dolores Umbridge is reading the Gruffalo, and it's annoying. So, Dolores Umbridge is up there. I think we should lock in as a definite for any regardless of what. Alright, okay.

She's definitely in the top five. I don't think there's any arguments. Two of us, like, she's my number two. Can I throw a name in there? Two of us Like She's my Number Two Can I throw a name in there? Yeah It's a It's an obvious one

It's One of the best villains ever That everyone loves Go on Heath Ledger's Joker Yeah he's on my list as well He's gotta be He's not on my list

Oh I What? It's just a bit obvious innit It's obvious because it's fucking true You stupid cunt. Is he a villain, though? Is he a villain? He kills people.

So does Batman. No, he doesn't. Literally, Batman's policy is not to kill. He won't even kill the Joker. You silly cunt. Carl, you can't get someone in the top five because it's too obvious. Yeah, top five's too obvious. Mini-A is incredible.

There's going to have to be. You've got to have Heath Ledger's Joker joke if you've got a nerd at that top star give me one other name on your list i'm not saying it's hoppy i'm just you are that's what the fucking game is i'm trying to go a bit out the fucking box like why are you we're not trying to do that we're trying to create the best top five villains of all time not you with your fucking art house wanky cinema shite uh joffrey baratheon who's that right okay joffrey's on my list he is one of the who is it yes it's game of thrones it's one of the biggest tv shows of the last 20 years he joffrey is such an amazing villain the lowest numberage of game of thrones you want him to die in real life but you know what's amazing about Joffrey is, while you hate him, he's 14.

Yeah. He's the most despicable character that when a child dies, you're like, oh. I don't think child Thank God for that. I don't think children should be exempt from this. I think, like, some children are horrible little

cunts, and they deserve death. Get that on the poster. I don't know what poster it is. We're not talking about carrots anymore. We're talking about... No. Okay, we put the Joker in as a solid because we don't need to argue.

I do agree. I just didn't want to go bang on. Right, okay. There's going to have to be some unanimous agreement. Well, I think the Lord is on bridge and the Joker is in there. Okay, well, Joffrey... Joffrey is so hateable in Game of Thrones

that I don't think that kid's going to work again. The lad, what's his name? Have you got... Just show Adam who Joffrey is. Show me his face. Oh, you will fucking hate his face. Oh, I've seen memes of this gobshite. He looks like a cunt as well, yeah.

He did it so well. What's his name? The actor who plays Geoffrey Baratheon. Geoffrey Baratheon. I haven't seen him in anything since. His name is Jack Gleeson. Jack, you absolutely nailed it. And I also think you ruined your own career.

Yeah, you were too good at being a gobshite no he'll play like a murderer or something he looks like a psycho and he's not on my list but do you know the bad guy from Bake and Bad in the last season he's also in Black Mirror

yeah he'll work again he's got the face of a bad guy but mate Game of Thrones has started so many careers. Everyone's doing pretty well off Game of Thrones, but this kid's just disappeared. Unless I've missed him, I just don't think Jack Gleeson's getting work. And I think that's testament to how evil that character was.

Because everyone's like, yeah, I'm not ready to forget. Maybe he's just waiting for the next role where he can just be a gobshite again. Can I throw one out there? Yeah. Who I think is a brilliant villain. Go on. Mrs. Trunchbull from Matilda.

I haven't seen her since I was a kid. She's such a good baddie. What? I haven't watched Matilda since I was a kid. Why? I just haven't. Matilda's on at ours every couple of months Matilda's at least

a once a year watch you've got to remind yourself of it this is going to be great when you definitely do have kids soon because I can I can see it coming

you get to just it's you validate or you're like I want to watch Matilda so I'll go should we choose a film and Etta will be like

I want to watch some crap on YouTube I'm like no we're watching Matilda and Matilda's so good And Etta would be like, I want to watch some crap on YouTube. I'm like, no, we're watching Matilda. And Matilda's so good that Etta can be like, no, I don't want to. And then within five minutes, she's like, this is fucking great.

Matilda's unbelievable. Miss Trunch, I don't think she makes the top five. Oh no, she's not top five. Well, I haven't watched it enough to give any argument. She grabs a kid by the ponytails. I can relate to that though. And shot putts. No, not shot putts.

What's the spinning one in the Olympics? Oh, discus. Is it? No. It is. No, it's the... Oh, I don't know, anyway. She does that with a kid over its head.

It's not the discus. It's the one with the ball and chain. But the kid's fine because Matilda's like, what? No, come back here, kid. Hammer and ball. She just helps a kid fly, essentially. I don't think that's evil enough.

No, the kid didn't go, Miss, can I get wellied over those railings? Yeah, yeah, I'll just help you out. That would mean something much different to Liverpool. I don't know. I think she's not sinister enough. She's just like a miserable old twat, do you know what I mean? And she takes it out on the kids.

I don't think she's like as inherently evil as example as like Amy Dunn from Gone Girl. Oh yeah. I hate her. Oh,

that's a very good one. Have you seen Gone Girl? I have seen Gone Girl. I wouldn't be able to pull out character names. Amy's the woman. Yeah. Oh right, okay.

The girl. It's been a few years. I watched it as a kid. What do you mean you wouldn't be able to pull off... You've seen Gone Girl and you thought I was going to pick like a fucking a barmaid, innit? Ben Affleck is a... The girl, innit? You know, the cinematographer in Gone Girl.

Villain. She is a... It's too cold. She's a very good villain. She's so real. Can you pull her up i can't remember but you respect it's it's six seven years um like oh my god she's so unbelievably evil and manipulative and it is just the the it's so realistic because women are like that some of them are but it is like men are horrible violent twats like they really are but when there's an evil like it's so so disturbing because she's just like i want to ruin someone's life and that happens yeah that is a good one, though.

I didn't think of that one. Because you hate her. When she's driving in the car, throwing the pens out the window, I hope she crashes the car. Yeah, when she's set it all up perfectly, clean up like he would, badly. But he's a bad guy, isn't he? Yeah.

So does that make her that bad, then? It's not like she's picking poor, innocent people. She fucking slices Barney Stinson's throat, mate. And he's a fucking weirdo. He is a weirdo but he's just a he's that's a good that's a good villain in it if it's just straight down the line you're bad everyone hates you that's one thing but that's not that's a bit caricature in it it's more complicated because like heath ledger's joker you're like oh i kind of like him he is definitely

a villain yeah but it's done so well there's layers on it and there's you end up you end up liking them she's so manipulative and she ends up back with them spoilers she ends up back with ben affleck because he can't leave her because the story's too good and he has to despite everything she's done he has he's forced into staying because she's a psychopath and she plays it perfectly. I'm re-watching Gone Girl. It's been a long time. Oh my God. I've read the book as well.

She's a nightmare. That is my worst nightmare in real life, is ending up with someone like that. I don't think you're beating this comfort fucking back down. If he wasn't your sleep paralysis demon when you were a kid. He's my sleep paralysis demon now. He is one of the evilest cunts ever.

Him from the Powerpuff Girls. It is him, yeah. Him from the Powerpuff Girls. He did terrify me when I was a kid. Oh my God, wearing fuck me boots as well and having crab hands. I'd shag him like, yeah, he's fit like.

But for the villain, he's just like but uh he fit a villain and he's just a fucking horrible gob can we get up one of mine that you might not know but it azog the defiler the pale orc this is from a wireless radio show azog the defiler from the pet oh azog the pale orc fourth one one down. Fourth one down. There you go. Azog was so good. He's such a great baddie. He gets his arm chopped off and then just gets a massive sort of sword-like thing and jams it through the stump

and just goes waving that around. I love Azog. The Hobbit is great fun. And I love the Lord of the Rings. Both of the trilogies. Lord of the a and i love the lord of the rings the both both of the trilogies lord of the rings and the hobbit but i can't argue it on here because i haven't seen it and i haven't seen loads of drinks since yeah but he but he doesn't look sound does he no jeremy in terms of it that's honestly if i uh stay up all night doing doing beak that's how I think I look in the morning. Hello, Arthur.

You need to moisturise. With me, I think villainy is so much more sinister and powerful when it's really subtle. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So Dolores Umbridge, as evil as she is, it's the subtlety that scares me. Oh, because she looks like your nana's mate. That's why she's...

That's why it's sinister, isn't it? Yeah. Because she's wearing, like, what the... But they dressed her like the queen. The queen wears those little two-piece suits, don't she? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah. Two reasons to hate her.

I think the best subtle performance of a villain is Hans Lander in the opening scene of Inglourious Basterds. He's in my list. He is the best. That's the best film scene ever, and he is the best bad guy in a horrible film. Because he's so like, could you just help me with my investigation?

Very likeable. It's just like, yeah, I'm just here to do it. Speaks different languages. There's a moment. There's a literal's just like, yeah, I'm just here to do it. Speaks different languages. There's a moment. There's a literal moment, like a second, where I can't tell you how perfect the acting is. What's his name, Schwartz? Christoph Waltz.

His face drops. His face. It's weird because at the start of the... It's so perfect at the start because it goes to a close-up of him. And between the start of that close-up and the end of it, his whole demeanour changes. But I couldn't tell you what changes on his face. He literally just drops his face a little bit

and he goes from likeable guy helping to, oh shit, this man is... To I'm going to kill all the Jews under your floor. Evil. Yeah. And the fact that he's drinking milk and he's like complimenting his daughters and stuff. And you're like, oh, this guy's-

And then the switch. And he goes, kill all them there. And it's a masterpiece, that scene. Because I think Inglourious Bastards is a really good watch. But I think that opening scene is almost better than the rest of the film oh it is yeah

yeah because that's not here's what I would say that is not the greatest film ever it's good no that scene

I think you could make a serious argument it might be a top five scene in any film ever it's my favourite scene in a and it sets the tone

yeah unbelievably I think I think for subtlety and actor I think Hans Lager yeah I don't think It's my favourite scene in a Hollywood film. And it sets the tone unbelievably, doesn't it? I think for subtlety and actor, I think Hans Lagerfeld. Yeah, I don't think Azog the Defiler, the pale orc, has the same sort of subtlety. No, he didn't look like it. I haven't seen it.

But he didn't look like it. But he does drink milk. Yeah. Does he? Yeah, yeah. He asked for a cold glass of milk, Azog the Defiler. So we've got Dolores. We've got Heath Ledger's Joker you've got your fucking

Game of Thrones guy Joffrey Joffrey I will I'll stand on a table for you can I throw one more in before we finish yeah of course Gustavo Fring

yeah but he's I just don't think he's as I don't love him you know I know what you mean but I never felt the same level of what you're talking about, evil, under the surface, villainry.

You've not watched Better Call Saul, have you? And non-negotiable for me, by the way, is that Amy Dunne is going on this list, because it's too realistic. Amy Dunne over Hans Lander? No, I'd have them both in. Not over him from the Powerpuff Girls, come on. He's a scaredy-doodle.

I think you've definitely got them in the top five. Let us know in the comments who we've missed out. So comment in the YouTube. If you think we've missed someone awful, like John from the Cranberries or someone, I don't know. I don't know who you're into. Let us know in the comments from the Cranberries or someone. I don't know. I don't know who you're into. There's no one to comment

who your top five villains of all time are, but you're not going to beat this list. I reckon we've nailed it. It's number one is the Lord of Zombridge. Number two is Heath Ledger's Joker. Number three is Amy Dunn. Number four is Hans Lander. Number five is Geoffrey.

Geoffrey, but I'll give you. You know what? As I wrote Geoffrey down, I went, I'm pretty sure Adam's not seen Game of Thrones. He'll be like, right, fuck it. I've not seen it. Bullshit. Don't believe you.

He's a character where a child dies and you go, fucking hell, thank fuck for that. That's how good he is. Yeah, very good. I like it. Should we give some advice, guys? Yes. We've had a lot of people,

a lot of people ask, we really do set people straight don't we? We're so good like that George Bowman says advice for a horrified brother I set lesbians straight Dear Adam I'm a lesbian But your face And that fucking back hair

And your really nice Bottom Is that alright Carl? You don't know what I'm talking about you lot yeah because it's awful and I've never done it you know what I did

with Laura when she was like I think you're great I was like Karl I think you're great as well married two years later get a haircut

is that what she said no she said you said that I said that to her and she did I love short hair I love short oh my god laura cut her hair after when etta was a baby like post baby loads of hormones she was breastfeeding and everything and went i'm gonna cut my hair off and i came back sam her brother is a hairdresser i came back from whatever

i've been doing and she'd had her hair kind. I went, she'd obviously messaged like, oh, we'll see what you think. And if you ever have this happen and you've just had a kid and your beautiful wife, the mother of your children has just had a haircut, doesn't matter if it looks like a fucking Jason Lee pineapple, you go, babe, that's lovely. Don't do what I did, walk in and go,

oh, is it finished? Oh my God. She saw her ass. I liked it. I just didn't think it would be finished. I understand that most women like to be lied to, right, about stuff like that. They do, don't they?

They don't want you to tell the truth. I think they just want you to be smart. Just be smart. Just take it. It's not every day. It's context here. Just be smart. Just take it. It's not every day. It's context here. Just say a smart thing and not... If I walked in and my girlfriend

would, like, fucking give herself a moe-eating, I'm sorry, but I'm not telling her that it looks good and I have an airkeeper. That's why it was with you with the goatee. It was like, it needs to go. Like, I know this upsets you right now, but, like, I'm not going to find you attractive for the goatee.

Thanks. Plus, I've just had a baby. You're so considerate. And I am breastfeeding. I just, I can't look at my girlfriend in the eye and be like, you've got a Mohican and I'm happy about it. No, no one can. She didn't have a Mohican put in.

She wasn't like, I've just had a baby. I want to do something different. Diet green, spike it up. What? What did you say? Is it finished? Is it finished? what did she say is it finished yeah she didn't say much for about 48 hours you know when like women are like am i the most beautiful girl in the world and they want you to say yeah i'm i just don't humor them at all i'm just like

no you don't even know not even probably in the top 25 000 yeah yeah but do you know yeah don't that's i've never's so much wrong with you compared to the most beautiful women in the world but that's okay because there's stuff wrong with me and that's why we work well at least you're not Dolores Umbridge give us a kiss

good negging there we go George Bowman says advice for a horrified brother wag wag lids I was driving to work the other day listening to the Freddie Quinn episode and heard Max Rutherford

had sent you guys a question. He happens to be my little sister's boyfriend. Ooh. Go ahead. What a whole family. The whole family, listen. Is he the one whose brother was banging above? Is that the brother who was banging his bird? His ex-bird? No.

Max Rutherford. Let me finish. You can imagine my horror when I had to hear about my little sister wanting to hold her boyfriend's penis while he pisses. Can you guys give me some advice as to how I'm now supposed to look either of them in the eye, knowing roughly what's going on behind closed doors? Don't get me wrong, she's her own woman exploring the world,

but fuck me, it was a shock on a Monday morning. Cheers, lids, George Bowman. So Max Rutherfordford asked what should i do my missus wants to hold my penis while i wee again she's probably just trying to forward science yeah you know maybe i just think this fella needs to grow up to be honest with you like your girl get your little your girl your little sister is into piss just get over it what's her name no one said you know why because they're smart

they're smart they're trying not to ruin a Christmas yeah she likes piss on her hands that's not hang on she can't kink shame her Charlie Slossett

what Al what she wants to she wants to hold his willy well and and you're like cool you want to wash your hands in piss

where have you got to there you've made a bit of a jump. That's not a short walk. I think it is a very short walk. What's she doing with the other hand? And it isn't a Rubik's Cube. Right. She's got her hand in the bog.

Has she? Yeah. Like, do you know what I'm thinking? Blackberry, you're splitting the clown's mouth. When in doubt, with all of our questions or advice, when in doubt, we just make up the rest well if you want to hold a dick you must be bathing in piss no but what i'm saying is that i think that is you know that's a gateway drug to piss on your hands and i you know i just want

to hold your cock while you piss oh i wonder what it'd be like on my hands and on my face and in my ear hang on does he have to wash his hands after that piss? No, she does. Belt her? Yeah. She's just a team player. Oh, he smashed her then, hasn't he? I tell you what, George,

I think you just need to accept it. Really, you shouldn't know any of this stuff, but all of you animals listen to this, so... Your little sister's a dirty girl. You've just got to let it go. She's her own woman. You've just got to stay out of it,

haven't you? Maybe you should ask Max if you can hold his dick during a piss. No, don't do that. That would make it worse. It's a family reunion at the fucking toilet.

I just think when he shakes it on the Christmas or something. Yeah. Cock hands. Look, you just need to accept me that it's very likely that your sister's got a piss fetish and you can't kink shame people

at 20, 23. That's my advice. This is from an anonymous lady she said eyelids need some serious advice i'm newly single so of course i'm back on the shagging wagon i recently went out with a few friends and it was clear one of the lads there who joined along really liked me me being extremely drunk towards the end of the night agreed to go home with him mainly so i didn't have to pay for a taxi and i ended up sleeping with him i woke up for roof it's cold i woke up the next morning knowing full well what had happened,

but maybe that's what happened with the lesbians. Maybe. They didn't have taxi fare. Maybe. There you go. Fucking hell, lad. I'm actually gay, but I also live in Heighton. Adam Shag's homeless lesbians.

Dot com. Put that on the poster. I woke up the next morning knowing full well what had happened, but regretted everything. He was in utter awe of me and basically told me he wants to wife me up he has now asked me on a date

which I've stupidly agreed to because I feel too awful to say no how do I let the boy down easily without losing my friends and not making this whole situation awkward as fuck this is perfect

please help a gal out P.S. he's a fucking munter oh no she's got the neck in as well here's what you do you go on the date and you just make yourself P.S. He's a fucking munter. Oh, no. She's got that neck in as well. Here's what you do. You go on the date and you just make yourself as unattractive as possible.

You just act like a cunt. You're rude to the waiting staff. You are rude to him. You've got bad table manners. You stink. Fart. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Don't get a wash. Like, ask him what his political opinions are. Just say you've got the opposite, even if you haven't. And just interrupt him constantly. Yeah, ask him what his political opinions are. Just say you've got the opposite, even if you haven't. And just interrupt him constantly. Yeah, ask him a question, and then as he starts on, just go, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then tell him a really boring story about you.

So what are your political views? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Boring. I went for a walk last week. It was cold. And then if he still loves you, I'd marry him up because he's in you're going to get a committed partner

tell him like imagine everything you could be bad in a relationship tell him you're like that just be like yeah you know I've cheesed on everyone I've ever been with

can't see that stopping anytime soon I just love getting fucked especially when it feels like a betrayal so that's me just tell him the truth get an 8 inch dildo and just halfway through go look

this dinner's going dead nice. But before we start... Start fucking yourself in the restaurant. Before we start the mains, just whap it down and go, listen, I want to use that on you later. So are we doing pudding? There you go. Is that more embarrassing than just saying,

oh, I shagged you for the bed? Carl, you've got to think outside the box here. Oh. Yep, Carl. Yeah, it is more embarrassing, isn't it? Next question. Nah, just be like, listen, lad. I'm not into you, but, you know, I'll shag you if you let me stay in yours forever.

She's not homeless, Carl. She just wanted a taxi. She just didn't have money for a taxi. You've got a chair. She's on the streets. She's been on the streets five years. She's probably into her piss. She's a piss fetish. She hasn't got a taxi. She just didn't have money for a taxi. You've got a chair. She's on the streets. She's been on the streets five years. She's probably into her piss. She's a piss fetish.

She hasn't got a toilet. I think she just wanted to get home. It's been done before, hasn't it? It's not the end of the world. Have you ever banged for roof? What? Have you ever banged for roof? Shouldn't it be bored?

Banged for roof? Oh, so to have a roof above you. I don't think it works as easily for lads. Oh, God. I just haven't got taxi fare. Some people call it danger travelling. Right. Don't they, Will?

They call it danger travelling. Oof. So you're just like, it's people who have no fixed abode and they just go out every night backing themselves to pull. Right. She isn't homeless, though.

Yeah, but I'm moving the conversation on. Yeah. I don't think this is something that lads get to do very often. You've got to be a pretty good looking, charming homeless guy. Yeah, so do I. Yeah. Right. A mate of mine is about to not have a fixer boat.

Is the mate of yours? Yeah. Is he? He's not a comedian. Why? But you do know them. It's more a mate of mine, but you know them. It's dynamite. God, that's high pressure on getting. Yeah. Is he? He's not a comedian. Why? But you do know them. It's more a mate of mine, but you know them. It's dynamite.

God, that's high pressure on getting laid, isn't it? He just backs himself. Thinks he's an absolute Lothario. It's either getting laid or sleeping in the doorway of Woolworths. Yeah. In the 80s. In the 80s. You have always got the option, obviously, of getting a hotel if you fail.

But they back themselves early on in the night. That sounds absolutely grim. Does it though? Yeah. Yeah, when you're walking around with your wallet, a phone and a toothbrush. Fucking horrible. Just don't take the toothbrush.

Don't put it in your pocket. Just, if you don't want to go on a date with someone, just be honest. You know what the best line ever is? I'm just not feeling it. Bang. What can they do? It's done. You're fine. I just found not feeling it. Bang. What can they do? It's done.

You're fine. Tell them you just found out you've got HIV. Oh. Or do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's more of a foolproof plan. Then they break up with you, and you can feel sad. And then you can get back to the street.

Go on Ancestry.com and find a way to link yourselves and say, I can't shag my cousin. Oh, look at that. Oh, dear. William the Conqueror. We're both related to him. Right, yeah. Well, if you want to go back 29 generations and be related.

Do you know most people are related to Genghis Khan? What? Most people are related to Genghis Khan. You look like you're related to Genghis Khan. Genghis Khan. Genghis Khan is probably a common ancestor of both me and you. Really? I'm not even joking, yeah.

When's Genghis Khan knocking about, like, 800 AD? How many babies did Genghis Khan have? He had hundreds of children, at least four official sons, five daughters to his primary wife, Borte. She's a fucking Brazilian. Yeah, but how have you got bloodline from the Mongol Empire? 500 secondary wives. So if he's potting 500 wives

and having 10 kids on average, there you go. The seed has been spread. Yeah. Most people have released it to him. They're all cousins. So you might as well shag your first cousin

because even if you shag someone off the street, Genghis Khan's your uncle anyway. Get that on the poster. One last one. This is from Paul. Oh, it's a sad one. This one seems dead heavy because I suppose it is,

but one of my oldest friends has been seriously ill for a long time. I can't still laugh at it. It's like Bob's your uncle, isn't it? Put that in there. Genghis Khan's your uncle. Gengho's your uncle. And he's mine as well. Let's have an ugly baby.

But one of my oldest friends has been seriously ill for a long time and has been getting worse. Doctors reckon he could have as little as six months left. He's still funny as fuck and is dealing with it all incredibly well to the point where he's planning his funeral but doesn't want his mum and dad making it a boring church funeral. He wants me to play the music, some of which is going going to go down terribly and also he wants me to speak at it and sort of take the piss and roast them he's a funny guy and he reckons this will be a much more

fitting for his funeral but i'm dreading being the cunt that starts roasting a dead lad in front of his mourning family what do i do here lads say i'll do it and then just pussy out and help make it all nice. Do it in front of his afternoon family. Or do I honour his dying wish and start roasting everyone like Jimmy Carr

stood next to his coffin? So, um... Just do it. Do it, but tell... You've got to, like, pre-warn the family, look, this is what he wants. Yeah.

And just fucking do it. It'd be amazing. But I think if you pre-warn, they're going to go, no, no. It's not your funeral. Shut up. Yeah. He's still alive. You can tell him to shut up. Yeah.

Get him to pre-warn if I'm going to be like, look, I don't want my funeral to be boring. It's dead more. But we all know I'm going to be fucking off in a bit. John's going to do a roast. Paul. Paul's going to do a roast. Not a dinner. John's going to do a roast. Everyone's getting fed. John Paul II. He's going to do it. Not at dinner. John's going to do a roast. Everyone's getting fed. John Paul II.

He's going to do a roast of me once I'm dead, and he's going to roast you as well. I just want it to be funny. I want to die. I think this is fucking amazing. I've got so much respect for the lad who's dealing with this, and the fact that that's what he wants is so good. Fuck everyone else. He's the one dying. He's the one who's got the biggest problem.

Yet his family are going to lose a loved one. That's nothing compared to what he's going through. And he wants to go out like this. This is his dying wish and he should get it. So you should do it for your mate. And he should warn his family for you before you do it so that they don't all think it's just your idea.

Because that would be bad. Everyone cried. Okay. What's this cunt wearing? Is he getting cremated? Because you could just call it the roast of John. Yeah, as he goes in. Nice.

There's the Brandon done. Have you got anything for your... By the way, Carl, if you were mates with Carl, he'd definitely do this and he'd follow up on it. I'd be the one who was like, oh, everyone's crying, I'm cringing. You die soon. We'll all honour your wishes.

Is there anything you want at the funeral? And we will honour those wishes. Absolutely. Let us know. Because I'm just telling you right now, I want everyone to play a game of boners during my funeral. And I don't want... They won't know this.

Pants on or pants off? What? Pants off Boners? We haven't explained what Boners is yet. Oh, right, okay. I'm not going to. We'll play Boners at your funeral. Right, okay, cool.

I want everyone who's ever worked for Have A Word to come dressed as a member of Blazing Squad. And I want yous to do Crossroads. I think I already do. Live on the altar. So, like, I want you to do Crossroads live on the altar. So, like, I want you to get up to do a speech. Just, like, some words from Dan Nightingale. And then I want you to go on stage.

Bum, bum, bum, bum. And then one by one, everyone else joins you. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See you at the Crossroads, Crossroads. Yeah, that's what I want. See you at the Crossroads. And I want you to get a Neil Diamond tribute act to sing at me wake they will turn up they've ever seen crossroads though Natasha Bedingfield unwritten don't like you're on the cop on a Champions League No one else, no one else. Speak the words on your lips. Dredge yourself in words unspoken.

Live your life in eyes wide open. Today is where your book begins. The rest is still unwritten. Oh, he's fucking dead. He's fucking dead. I want the tabernacle to be full of gaddies. Oh, no. You have to honour my dying wish.

I want both of yous to cut in a goatee for the funeral. Okay. Ah! Yeah, bro! Okay. Woo! I want the tabernacle to be full of Gary's, so communion, everyone gets a Gary.

When you go, body of Christ, it's a Gary of body, body of Gary. And I want... Body of Gaz. Do you know what? I still want the crossroads thing but i don't want you to stress this place in squad i want everyone who's ever worked for this podcast so matthew's coming will's coming to stay these are all there and you've got a full black suit on

apart from instead of the black trousers i want you to have a pair of pastel coloured swimming shorts so you've got a suit jacket white shirt tie pastel swimming shorts it looks like I've spilt something in

the car on the way to the funeral but all of you right and we can never allude to her yeah and if anyone

goes why have you got them on you just look at them stare at them for five seconds and then look away with no answer

shout bonus really loud I want to be um i want to be buried in the outback or like somewhere really off but i want you to take me in outback garden the australian outback no so you've got to take me on a pilgrimage just at that but the dead body but it is somewhere like rwanda right can we go amsterdam no no my wish i want you to bury me in timbuktu that's actually a lot harder than what we asked for, isn't it? It is, yeah.

I'm just asking you to cut a goatee in and sing a song a bit too loud. I just want you to wear swimming shorts. Well, I want you to take me to Timbuktu on the galleys. Okay, cool. Well, the Carl's Funeral Special is going to be on Patreon. Luckily, I think you're going to outlive me and Dan, so that won't matter. Luckily for who, me?

Yeah, and for us. For not having to take you to Timbuktu. Paul, I think you've got to honour it. Oh, you've definitely got to honour it. There's no question of it. He's dying. You have to do what he says. Cut a goatee in, get some pastel shorts,

sharp boners, and go for it. I've got it. Let's have a break. I've never wanted a bussy more in my life. Oh, we are back. We're back. Russell Cain's here. Oh, yes, mate.

Everyone. One of the fucking here. Oh, yes, mate. Everyone. One of the fucking haters. How are you? I'm loving this. I mean, I did enjoy the threat of death in a run corn cart. This is even better. It's better than here, isn't it? Got a nice neon sign.

We're actually in Liverpool. Yeah. And the thing that, like, when you're not from Liverpool, as I'm clearly not, it's hard to get your head around when you're actually in and when you're not from Liverpool, as I'm clearly not, it's hard to get your head around when you're actually in and when you're not in Liverpool. There is rules, yeah.

Like, no one gives a shit. If you get off a plane in Luton, that's fucking, you're in fucking London, mate, deal with it. Croydon,

London. South End, London. Drive for three hours, you know where you are, fucking London. If you put your fucking toe on the wrong bridge,

you're in fucking Birkenhead chill out what are you in fucking Spectrum or something it's all Liverpool you're a massive city Russell Russell

no no no you don't get it mate okay being from Liverpool is a sign of respect like the actual city okay

it's important that we set these borders and barriers so the people from Birkenhead and St Helens and Ormskirch know their fucking place. And look, we still appreciate you watching. If you're from Bootle, apparently you're on the fucking borders as well.

Bootle is a weird one because Bootle isn't Liverpool, but we have them. Heighten's the same. Heighten's the same. Heighten's not Liverpool. Which bit is Liverpool what is it like one paving stone

where John Lennon once had a fucking pest how did that Russell it's a piece of rice it's a purple bin you've got to have a purple bin

I want to know about that because of Everton and all of that you need a purple wheelie bin is you are your house is in Liverpool any other

you're not apart from Buitle and Eichten you can't have that in Liverpool any other you're not apart from Bootle and Knighton you can't have that in Manchester because of purple do you know

I tried to take a photograph of him in a train station once and he threatened to beat me up really yeah

he come over and he was like you're a fucking part of me taking a picture of me fuck off are you doing

Russell's voice back to him no it's purple cockney is it yeah it's Bruce would you like me to punch you higher or lower Are you doing Russell's voice back to him? No, I was doing... Is Purple... Cockney, is he? Yeah, yeah. It's Bruce Forster. Would you like me to punch you higher or lower?

Yeah, he threatened me. And I just said, listen, you fucking Kim, get out of my face now. And he was like, oh, hang on, you're that Adam Rowe, you're the dad, aren't you? You're the dad of the world, yeah. Is that really what happened, or did you run off like a pussyhole?

We can tell where you're from in Liverpool from your accent. Is that really what happened or did you run off like a pussy old man? We can tell where you're from in Liverpool from your accent. Like roads. Yeah. I can tell you someone from Scotty Road. Yeah.

Yeah. That's again one specific road. Like South Liverpool is a lot softer. We've spoken about this before. South Liverpool is very I'm going for a walk

with me dog. Yeah. I didn't really want this breed but you know the wife likes poodles so I got a poodle. Look at my new coat. I got this coat for Christmas. It's like the soft Beatles-y one.

It's nice that. That was a bit Ringo who lived in America for a few years. Yeah, I'm fucking... Ringo went to school with my dad, and anyway, look at my coat. What's the other one? The other one is the one you know from... That's us. Like North Liverpool, The other one is the one you know from like, ah, it's happening, how you doing?

That's us. Like North Liverpool, like Dovecote up towards Bootle. If you met my little brother, I remember the first time Alfie Brown met my little brother, my brother went to bar and Alfie went to meet. Why does Jack sound like that when you don't? And I said, because I've got mates like you. Like I've got friends who are

from liverpool everyone my brother's ever met is from the fucking four roads we grew up on um so he's fairly like oh you don't fucking work to me for anything like you know what i mean like fucking boss is a prick fucking morning let me go for me but it doesn't speak to anyone who goes what are you saying lindsey and her brother have got different acts my wife my wife's from sale which her mother-in-law says is Cheshire. Check your postcode, you lying cow. They're all from Cheshire till the fourth drink. They're like, come at me, you bitch.

I'll put a fucking glass in your face. Anyway, I was just gigging abroad last week and the audience was a real mix of foreigners and British. They don't understand how quickly our accents change. Like you say, in Liverpool, you can walk a few streets and hear a different sound yeah in america you could drive from the capital of north carolina to south carolina three hours and you will not be here a little bit different you still be having like sweet tea in the rain are there i actually heard someone say to someone once are you canadian and american doesn't that blow your mind an american

has to ask a canadian if they could Could you imagine saying, are you Scottish? What do you fucking think? To us, it's unbelievable. And Manchester is even more... Liverpool is an extreme variation on the same sound, OK? Yeah. Manchester's a completely different accent within two minutes drive. So, you know, they're all doing that fake, you know, posh mank voice where i'm living down there and you got the cheshire ones with their frozen face but then when

you when you go up the north like my brother-in-law's married to a girl from berry and it's fucking like they're having a stroke or something like burry and we were going to watch the goonies in the cave in in the summer screening it at a place called the devil's ass in the peak district and and this is how she said it do you want to go watch goonies at kiev fucking what mate you want to watch goonies at kiev i had 111 into the phone i thought something medical incident it's something i'm gonna have to be conscious of stand-up wise you were mentioned before we started that you're about to do some european dates and stuff that's right. Where were you last week? Dubai.

Dubai. Yeah. Dubai's got a lot of expats from Britain though. Yeah. That's different than going to fucking like Europe and stuff. And a lot of scousers. A disproportionate amount of scousers in Dubai. Dubai is just the Liverpool of the Middle East,

to be honest with you. And Real is the Liverpool of North Wales. Take your pick. If you're in Abu Dhabi, that's Birkenhead, that's... It is, isn't it? It is. That's exactly what it is.

Middle Eastern walls. I put my new stand-up special on YouTube last week and thank you to everyone who's watched it and if you haven't, you know,

check it out. It's on this channel, Tim Perrius. Shane Gillis, American comedian, shared it for me, done a tweet saying I mean

mate's put a new stand-up special out it's great go and watch it the replies to that tweet are fucking hilarious because there's a lot of his fans going

what the fuck is the noise coming out of this cunt's face they just cannot understand me at all because it's a hometown gig in Liverpool

and even though I I naturally soften my accent on stage anyway through just years of experience it's still not soft enough for. And even though I naturally soften my accent on stage anyway through just years of experience, it's still not soft enough for people who are not, have got no accustomization to their ear with it. And you don't realize how many colloquialisms we use. Yeah.

We use, like even that sentence, America wouldn't say, what's that noise coming out that cunt's face? There's so many English constructions in that sentence. Yeah, yeah. They don't really use the word cunt or anything like that. If you say bellend, they think it's the end of a church ceremony. I love the word bellend.

Americans are shit, I swear, aren't they? They are, yeah. They're really bad. Oh, they can't say twat. Twat. No, that's another one they don't have. They say twat, don't they? They don't even say it.

It sounds awkward. Oh, God, every time I'm like... Stop being a twat. She was such a twat don't they they don't even say it it sounds awkward oh god every time I'm like stop being a twat she was such a twat you're like what the fuck mispronouncing twat

yeah but they use motherfucker quite well yeah I'm quite jealous of that as a Brit I can't go look at this motherfucker it doesn't

motherfucker do you know what I mean it doesn't work does it this motherfucker's doing me like it sounds so jarring and stupid but if I was a man I was like

what a funny more fun doing it like it sounds so much better it does sound I'm going to be on your side Adam and edit that bit out for you

I was there when Adam Rowe got cancer motherfucker no but you know what I mean like that sounds well cool like this motherfucker little motherfucker right here that one was worse Motherfucker No but you know what I mean Like that sounds Well cool Like this motherfucker Little motherfucker

Right here That one was worse We're one minute away from Can you show me through To the workhouse I'd love to have that accent I really fucking would Yeah

Oh It'd be so cool That's his motherfucker Because there's probably So many parts of the UK Like Cornwall It sounds relational John He's a motherfucker because probably so many parts of the UK, like Cornwall, it sounds relational.

John, he's a motherfucker. Yeah. Shag's his mum. My cousin John. Regularly. Technically, it's his nan. Same thing. Where's the European dates? What have you got lined up?

So I've got... When does this go out? Saturday and Monday. Right. So I've got Zurich first in a week or so. And then I've just added Stockholm, Copenhagen,

Amsterdam. Yeah. And Oslo. That've just added Stockholm, Copenhagen, Amsterdam. Yeah. And Oslo. That's it. Yeah. Oslo, honestly, have you been there? No. Yeah.

Take a look at the price. It's unreal. You go to like the crappiest burger place with plastic forks and it's like 40 quid a burger. It is unreal, the prices. But how do the people who live there afford that? Because they get 100 grand year from being a teacher. That's why. Their wages are proportionally high.

I've just been to New York. I'm going to New York in March. I'm so fucking excited. Well, I would start saving because whatever you do, dinner's £250. No matter how much. And we ended up eating in the bagel place on the corner with the plastic forks and sharing of plastic glass out of water and it was still 100 quid for four of us and my mother

in law's like i don't understand it didn't they want us coming or something why do they make it saying hi the prices and i'm like no we're peasants the pounds fucked the people with euros they were like it's fine it's perfectly reasonable prices. The pound is gone. We are peasants everywhere we go because the pound's worth fuck all. Yeah. Yeah, a pound a euro felt weird. We were just in Amsterdam. Because you're used to going, well, euro's like two or one and a half.

And now it's just the same. Yeah. So their wages are double ours. So it doesn't feel as expensive. But I blowed my mother. No, no, they need to put the prices down or the rents will stop coming. I'm sure they're bothered about. They're us.

Sure they're bothered about us twice. I, yeah. We're going to, I'm going to New York in March, little solo trip. Very nice. And then in April, we're all going to Nashville

to record the Nashville Have A Word special. Oh my God, that'll be amazing. So I wonder how expensive Nashville's going to be. I wonder if you'll do your motherfucker. That would be good. What's up, motherfucker? No, I'm... I've made you sound a bit more deaf than you sound.

Yeah, yeah. No, I've been practising my Nashville for when we over there, boy. Dukes of Hazzard. We're going Nashville. I'm going, you know, I'm going to be rooting and tooting and shooting some beers. That sounds like I'm a lady that's taking a wrong turn down at Dark Lake. What's a pretty lady like you doing walking on a company down here? What color is your beard?

I'm going to give myself a pair of cowboy boots, cowboy hat and some tobacco to chew on and I'm going to fit in like a motherfucker. That's quite good. What's the face? That's his normal face. That's out of order. It's the only way I can get my mouth to make these noises. I wonder if they'll be charmed by our British...

Because Americans think it's a meme, isn't it? But European seers is all like fucking hooligans and lagerlauts and the american sears is basically hugh grant yeah i don't know what people from the south are going to make of english people from the north i feel like that is not a natural i think i i i think the reason i love country music so much is i identify with the people i identify with the people i think down there they're working class they're hard working i think they're going to respect me because that's why you identify them i identify with them because i think they're going to like me but you know what they don't hear the act they it's surprising that they're so deaf to our accents and obviously

they'll hear a difference. Yeah. But they'll be like, you Scottish or Irish or something. Yeah, I've had that in... Last time I went to New York, I got asked whether I was Scottish, Irish or Syrian. I get Australian. Syrian.

Yeah. That was someone's first guess as well. Another comma. Yeah, I've just come from fucking Damascus. It's a fucking war zone down there, lad. Your fucking assets are fucking belling you know another comment

he's like hey are you Syrian and I'm like he's nagging you I've never had that one yeah southern and Australian we had

my nana's friend who was like a family friend of ours and when she came I basically hadn't met anyone from proper london she was from north london and i in my head i was like you sound like neighbors and home and away they do yeah because because it's a very short walk between those accents i mean is that literally from all the deportation from london is that is the

fucking right well they're very close. There is a theory. And also, that is why it's not that your accent is less clear. It's because American English is closer to the vowel sound of my English, right? We have an Australian. If you go to Amsterdam or anywhere abroad and you're speaking down the phone and can't be understood, but then I took the phone off you and can, it's because it's close to the english they heard so when we were me and lindsey went to amsterdam all she wanted to do was get butter sent up to the room she just she's like can you send me some toast and butter up and this guy's like what is buddha no i need some butter

you know you spread it within your eye and i just went on the phone went butter mate straight up she's getting toast and a little buddha. She's going to brains. So that's why northerners struggle abroad more, because, not because there's anything wrong with your accent, it's just it's further from the American films that they watch and my accent's closer. Yeah, and then there's Glaswegians watching this going, you guys don't even know. Hey, I want a bottle of toast.

That Glaswegian kid who's having an argument with Alexa because Alexa can't understand her. It can hear so many different words. Alexa, blow loose, cabal be. Alexa, hang. Come on, hang. Alexa, turn the fucking lights on. We'll get a girl.

That was what she sounded like. What's going on here? Every international in Adam is loud, isn't it? It's like, right, I'm doing a voice. I don't fucking know. Are you speaking louder because they can't understand? That's a classic tactic there. Points as well.

Butter. Butter. Butter. Butter. Butter. How are you getting it? Oh, butter. Sounds like a fighting advice.

Batter. A strong ethics action is just as like, so my mum's boyfriend, stop shagging my mum, my mum's boyfriend. How old are they? Boyfriend just sounds too young. It's horrible, isn't it?

They're seeing each other. As soon as I get out of this stairlift, I'll give you such a scene. No, my mum's boyfriend, he's really Essex. It's mad that he said that in front of you, really. Lindsay can't understand him. He's like a bubbling cauldron, like a fucking Polish...

And he says, no, I mean, when there's nothing to clarify. I'll see you tomorrow, do you know what I mean? Yeah, I worked it out by then. I do that quite a lot. And Alexa doesn't like him because he says Alexa. Can't say Alexa. Alexa. Alexa.

Where's he from? Essex. Fuck he says Alexa. Can't say Alexa. Alexa. Alexa. Where's he from? Essex. Fucking Alexa. No, I mean like. Alexa. Once we take back control in that. Are you loving the North though? Now you've inherited it.

I love it so much. It's so much better for family. It's just so, it's easier. My life was more difficult down south so even though i have a lot more traveling now lindsey's happy my daughter's happy if we need at night hello we just got tickets for the chris brown thing i don't i don't even have to stress who's gonna mind minna there's a nana there's an aunt there's a cousin there's people i don't recognize falling out of toilets i am bar. I'm only staying for a month.

It's the opposite to my childhood, which was like everything sterilized, everything planned, no one's staying over and it's a rain. And I like the chaos. I love the people coming in, coming in, family and all that.

I literally, when I got my flat in town, I got a three bed so that I had a spare bedroom so that people could stay. Yeah. I got a bigger bed so that i had a spare bedroom so that people could stay exactly yeah i got a bigger flat than i need and probably pay an extra 300 400 a month on top of what a two bed would have been just so that there's some way for will or finn or another comment to say i don't know why it is i don't know if it's a cultural thing or we've got less time or whatever i mean lindsey's mom and dad

live in sale we're in wilmslow yeah no food in the fridge the car is leased and uh no real breasts in the street we're in wilmslow and they stay maybe one or two nights a week they're 15 minutes drive but we love it because you know mina goes in for story time or she goes in with nana and gran it's the dream isn't it yeah there's no guilt when it's a nana or a granddad or an aunt or a cousin there's no guilt if you've got kids and you want to go out when it's not blood relative there's a little bit of guilt there yeah and it makes it well more expensive yeah let's have date night and then we'll pay another date night fee for the person to look after i'd love it if all my wife's family

were in one place i'd do do that. I'd move there. But they're all split up. So it's such a touch. Are you not near your family? Well, we're just like an hour, an hour and a half here. It's not the same. People without kids don't understand the difference it makes being near family. Because that's the way we evolved.

We're supposed to live in villages and all look out for each other and all help out of each other's kids, not be plugged into Netflix and salivating over iPhones and dying in loneliness. We're supposed to be communities. That's a trace of that left in the north. I mean, I'm in Cheshire. It's in the middle of the country.

But that's a good thing, though, because if you're touring, Glasgow's three hours, London's three hours, Cardiff's three hours. Oh, yeah, I love it. That's why Liverpool's always... I've never really wanted to leave here. Like, going to London always seemed mad to me because it was further away than most of the places I gig

than Liverpool is. You were telling us before we started you're about to become an international music superstar. So what happened was I do these funny videos, yeah? Whenever I've got a spare moment, you know what it's like. You're always trying to create little video content to drive the business forward. I mean, if any podcast knows that, this does right so if ever i've got a spare minute like

this morning i had a minute i'll just do a funny video or watch something on love island it made me like and that's as far as my thinking went sometimes i'll do a dance maybe to some like jamaican music shaking my ass in the world they do well one thing i've never ever done is sung because i can't sing no one's ever told me i sing I don't secretly think I can sing the only thing I do is like a jokey song on stage like that so I don't I don't a couple of beers my tour manager was collecting my food from the hotel and in that minute I thought I'm gonna sing a like a dirty song um so I've got an art royalty free r&b track so I could post it and just improvised over the top of it, singing Take Your Panties Off. That's all I did.

And then I thought, you know what, as you're improvising, you think of the joke. And at the end, I started singing The Floor. So it changed from a song about get your kit off to pick your shit up. Posted it, didn't fucking think anything of it. Did all right, did okay. Maybe 100,000. Didn't set the world on fire, didn't die.

And this music producer reaches out to me, a guy who used to of body rocks google it i had a few um like top 10 years i remember body right house you think you've got it all worked out but you ain't nothing nothing i'm me yes that's one so he's he's he's reached out to me nick bridges and was let's do it for real we're not release it for charity and i just thought well that's bollocks that's never gonna happen because it was December when people have too much eggnog and chat shit. Anyway, he followed through. And then this week...

That can happen after the eggnog life. It's the most uncomfortable and out my depth. You can throw me into anything in this industry, presenting a documentary, doing like a serious cancer bit on live TV, getting my kit off for a lot. But singing, there was like a phobia thing. I've never done it in front of anyone.

I just had to throw myself into the booth and sing Take Your Panties Off The Floor and Your Brassiere Off The Door. Where did you record it? In a proper studio in Soho with about six people in there. Every single person looking at me through the glass had worked on the top ten. The editor, the mixer, the producer. Cool as fuck.

And then this female vocalist, she comes in and does a chorus bit. I'll play you the first cut when we've done this, but you never know, by the time this goes out, there might be something online to share. So the goal is to release it properly on Valentine's Day, which is a real flashpoint for people with mental health and all that, for calm, campaign against living miserably.

So it's like a jokey take on relationships. Like all relationships, you think they're going to be one thing and then they're another. So it's just take your panties off the floor. Motherfucker. It's crazy. I'll rap on it twice. I'll sing on it.

I'm trying to get Judy Love for the music video to be my wife, like, grinding around me, like, with picking her bra off and stuff. That's so funny. Can we play it? Will we be allowed to play it on the end of our pod? Because we do a song on the end of the pod when it comes out.

Yes, you can. You can. Absolutely. Yeah. I'll come and drop it live. It doesn't... Oh, my God, yeah. It doesn't even have to be

this episode did that make you cringe of it it's got to be so bad if you're doing a song and you're a comedian yeah that it's good

yeah are you better than you thought you would be at singing or worse no I've been told recently that I've got a good voice a couple of times who by

who's what a friend of mine recently told me that I've got a really good voice oh shit they were lying to you Def Mickey he's loving you yeah you get a motherfucking Who's what? A friend of mine recently told me that I've got a really good voice. You're a lesbian. They were lying to you. Def Mickey, he's loving you. Yeah, you got a motherfucking good voice.

Them lips move real nice. I think my voice suits country music. I think that's what it is. I think for years I've been trying to sing pop. And by the way, I nailed a rap song in Amsterdam. We couldn't hear you though. Yeah, but we got it on camera.

I don't understand why there's not more Scouse rap. There is now. It's a sound that fucking lends itself to. Yeah. A star. A star. But there should be more of it. Should be dominating the scene.

Yeah. I, I can rap. I mean, that's just been, that's been known for a while. What? Are your beats sicker than my nan's dog?

No, like, I can't, like, I haven't got the ability to write rap, but if, like, I can do, like, a cover of Eminem and fucking blitz it. See, I can write rap like, there's definitely a screw list. Yeah. I can do blank verse.

I can improvise rhyme and stuff. Maybe together we could be unstoppable. This Nick Bridges wants me to have a follow-up when I'm ready in case this works. I'm like, are you fucking joking? What else are we going to drop? Drill. You're going to go drill?

I'm five foot ten, but I've got chat. You can bench a ton, yeah, I get that. Well, when man's chatting banner at my girl Nat is weaker than a pound on the Nasdaq. You're good at writing this. I remember being in a dressing room with you and you were writing Shakespearean couplets. That's what I can do, yeah.

I can do it at will. It's bizarre. I'll tell you what, if you want to feel fucking lazy as a comedian, work with Rosalind. You just sat there going, why do I do nothing do nothing he's like yeah i'm only five minutes i can hear you typing something else opposite i am i am lazy because if it anything that doesn't come easy i don't there are many things i could have done in my life i could learn a musical

instrument i've got a natural gift for languages initially and then it gets hard and i lose interest because i'm not you know know, the A-star. You can ask for a library anywhere in the world. I'm just really, yeah, yeah, literally. But I'm just lazy. But for whatever reason, that Shakespearean sound, I ended up writing a play and sent it to the creative director of the actual full RFC,

not the RFC, not Rugby Union, and the RSC, thinking I'll never hear anything. They wrote back and said, we've got a dark day. David Tennant was doing Hamlet in the main house at Stratford-upon-Avon. Then when we've got a dark day on the Sunday where we're doing tickets for, like, different things, would you like the main stage for 45 minutes to do a 45-minute version of your play? I was like, is is this a wind-up so i checked it was the real geezer and we went down there we

sold 600 tickets because people just floating around looking for something to do at that 7 p.m slot and we performed the lamentable tragedy of yates's wine lodge for 45 minutes so i've done blank verse at the rsc that i've written yeah Yeah, but you wrote it in the fucking dressing room of the Glee. Ten minutes you were like, right, I'm about to go on stage. I just get a bit wired before I go on stage. I'm just going to write some more of this. I was like, this guy's fucking ridiculous. I'm quite good at

telling you the square roots of a number correct at one decimal place. Are you serious? Yeah. 404,000. 404,000. 404,000. It's 101,000, isn't it? No? No, that's times four, isn't it?

Yeah. But if you want to see Adam do the square root of things, it's at the RSC in Stratford-upon-Avon. He's got a 7pm slot. 404 will be 20.1. He's correct. It's 20.1. Hang on, that's a bit Rain Man, that.

So that's 20,100, is that right? No? I don't know. If we were all single now on Love Island and there was this really big gel in there and I was like, yeah can I'm a bit silly I've got a sense of humour I can rhyme at will

that's really impressive I haven't just jumped in I can do any plan I'm not playing Virgin yeah I can do that that is

how are you doing that you don't know how you can do it it just sort of happens it just comes to me yeah it's like God's helping me that is bizarre

he's gonna he's gonna match it up with his country and western singing. Something's happening. The square root of love is attraction. Rain Man. Right. Oh, that definitely exists.

Oh, no. Can I release a country song? Square root and tootin' roots. No, can I square root you? Square root and toot and toot and please can you do a country song

square root of 400 is exactly 20 my love for you my doll and I have got a plenty wow

write that down that's it that's just off the top as well do you know what I mean that's just that's just

freestyle freestyle country bars you're having a laugh fuck off bro I got stuck between boy and bro there this is what happens

when bars get spit this is what happens when you have drugs in the week coffee in the morning this is what happens when you're this white fuck off bro

I'm the blackest person in this room no soul wise if this was a branch Fuck off, bro. And the blackest person in this room. No. Soul wise. If this was a branch of Pharaoh and Bull, there'd be no options. I think it's done.

This is the council episode. There was an American southern origin. It's the 87th council episode, actually. Questionable origin American accent followed by an impression of someone deaf and then someone with disability was invoked. The rule with accents, though, is as long as you don't specify where the person is definitely meant to be from,

you can do whatever you want. Yeah. Like, if I just do a really bad Geordie accent, I could sound like anything, couldn't I? True, there is that. Yeah. Now we all want to hear that. That's the issue.

How we are. How we are. I'm not sure you do. How we are. I'm from Newcastle it's just it's just a bad Geordie accent

you know you yeah some places are more protective of their bad accents than others so if when Frankie Boyle

comes down to London and he does this really shit London accent Londoners love it same if John Bishop does it or a Scouse comic does it

but if you do a bad Scouse accent when you're on stage at the Philharmonic or something, they fucking let you know. Yeah. I started out in Newcastle and if anyone went up and did a bit of a Newcastle accent, it was like, oh, great, good effort. Yeah, I like it.

You're doing, yeah, you could do that. And I remember gigging in Liverpool for the first time. And I just thought that was what you do. If you were in a place, you'd be like, ah, it shows that you're making an effort. Wow, that doesn't go down well. Do you know what it is? I think it's because Scousers get sick of people doing it.

Yeah, I think, like, when a Scouser meets someone who's not from Liverpool, they're like, f**k a chicken and coke. Like, no one goes up to Geordie's and goes, how we're. I mean, I do. We did it all week. Everyone goes up to Geordie's and goes how we're. I mean I do. We did it all week. Everyone goes up to

Geordie's and goes how we're. How we're. I've got a foot in pool. I am Jasper Carrot. Every accent's so loud. How we're.

Jasper Carrot's definitely a brummy for a start. Is he not? Yeah but he's got Geordie heritage. And I don't know, is that as a top Geordie fan? Where's your favourite place to gig? You're going to Europe, but where's your favourite place to gig?

In the world. Where do you love gigging? I think, as you two will know, you're very experienced comedians, after a while you realise what's most important is how nice is the theatre. So you could be in the loveliest city on earth that loves giving the biggest responses and Liverpool would be up there,

but there's still some bad rooms in this city and if you get in them, the audience is self-conscious, they're not going to laugh. Now, obviously it's worse. Basically, the more culture a city has, the harder the gig tends to be. So it's like an inverse relationship to the quality of the more culture a city has the harder the gig tends to be so it's like an inverse relationship to the quality of the town so the shit of the town the more laughter to be released or yeah comedy works best in shitholes yeah yeah or towns are perceived as shitholes

when they're not they're perfectly lovely places but yeah because but comedians don't go there but like cambridge can go fuck itself and, and the Cotswolds, it's just, comedy goes there to die. York, I've said that a million times, York, I hate. But have you ever gigged in Barnsley?

Yeah. Unbelievable. By the way, I'm not saying Barnsley is a shit, I'm just saying, it's a dump, and it's great. Civic, Barnsley Civic. Yeah. My God, what a gig.

It's unbelievable. Do you know how you can tell, I don't want to go into comedy nerdery, like we're all Americans. Our listeners like that, yeah. But at Blackout, before you even say good evening, if there is a cheer and a whoop in the Blackout of excitement, you know they're up for it.

Yeah. Reverent silence as the theatre hushes to a Blackout nightmare. That's why I love the King's Theatre in Glasgow, right? But you don't go to Glasgow for a King's Theatre experience go to glasgow for a garage experience or a stand experience whereas you sit the weegies in there like posh seat on that with a fucking glass of ween and all that and it's the atmosphere is down 20 it's not the weegies is it yeah big formal posh show off theater yeah yeah i know what you mean yeah when you do a little intro i don't know if you've ever done like an offstage introduction and you try and be even just a little bit amusing in the intro

and you just hear silence. You're like, okay, it could still be fine, but that's not a good sign. When you do a little offstage announcement and there's like, yeah, like you say, a little woo or even a little tit, you're like, oh, this is going to be fun. They're ready to... That was Tommy Cooper.

Listeners, you remember him? You don't even remember Liz Truss, do you? Let alone Tommy Cooper. Tommy Cooper said you should try and get a laugh before you're on stage every single night, if it's possible. Even if someone else is comparing, stick your foot out. Just try and do something silly. Anything that is a laughter before they've seen you.

He also was a notoriously tight and in the old days you know when you got like a taxi to a gig that the driver would walk your bag up to the room and he would go have a drink on me and put like what they thought was a note in their pocket and it was a tea bag the driver get out thinking there was a fiver and it was a fucking teabag. Have a drink on me. Teabag. Fucking wicked, isn't it? Everyone, recreate that and let us know how it goes. Right, let's have a little break.

Wonderful first section. We've got some correspondence to answer after this. Okay. Okay. Here we are. Oh, aye! I've gone from being called a nonce for the goatee, now everyone's like, you look like an eight year old

You do look stupid You can act both parts in that psycho drama I've got a one man play And it's pretty gritty Who's this scary guy with a goatee Please protect me You look young for your age But I think Russell absolutely smokes you

You are nearly 48 No I'm 47 and a half See I'm so vain about my it's it's currently proud we're talking in january this august so i'm 47 and a bit and that's stage stage years he's actually 63 but looks great that's in schofield's the measurement how do you do that um well i think some of it's probably a little bit genetic i'm lucky to come from a not a young look not a young family but a family that don't put weight on too easy my granddad alive too my granddad alive and well 91 my mum alive and well

she's in her 60s and there's and there's me so there's a bit of lit i always say whenever you're talking on this subject you'll be really careful because everyone's different right i might you look at japanese people they can eat rice blah blah their blood sugar doesn't do that i eat rice my blood sugar does that so it's pointless saying don't eat carbs when we're all completely genetically different interestingly so 60 of what i'm going to say is diet and exercise i'm not even going to waste air time because we know we should eat a varied diet and don't eat shit move a bit end of diet book that's it just don't eat processed crap and work out what works for you interesting bit of trivia i've discovered on this journey of the 60 percent diet and exercise is why some of us put weight on and why some of us are naturally slim

i fully know now i fully understand. And it goes back to history. So do you know where the fattest or the largest people are on Earth will be? The Polynesian Islands. Wigan. Yeah, Wigan. The Polynesian Islands are, believe it or not, fatter than Wigan.

And some islands in the Caribbean. Why are these people the fattest people on Earth? Anyone know? For food. No. It's because the people that survived the journey there, because it was a long journey to get to these places, were the ones with the slowest metabolism who held on to their body fat the most effectively.

So if you are large, you have probably got Irish heritage or you've got famine heritage in your bloodline. That's it. So you don't need to beat yourself up. You come from people that have struggled if anything wear it so that that's how that's how um i'm fucking fantastic i'm polynesian i knew i was jamaican deep down you know i've always felt it do you know what i mean so anyway that's 60 the other 40 is science supplementation and biohacking through various comp not vitamins

and so my wife's the business person of the couple and we're turning this into a business we launch in february because people keep saying well what are you doing how can you be 47 what you're taking well 60 of it is i try to do a little bit of exercise every day i eat loads of calories i just try not to eat anything processed right so i eat fucking eggs bacon sausages but i try and eat nitrate free bacon right so i just try and eat shit without shit in it there's no magic diet the other 40 is what i'm taking on a daily basis if you open my medicine cabinet it's off-putting you would literally rather die earlier than take the time out to do that and how many tablets how many supplements go on give us a ballpark i don't know 30 in a day and some of

those are multiple peeled right so my wife's my wife's insight was most people can't be fucked and don't have the budget to do that what if we boiled down the big seven the main seven biohacking age reversing cellularly age youth giving supplements into one easier day smash thing which unbelievably no one has thought to do so that's what we launch so what's going to come in is it it'll be it'll just be like a supplement but you take three you take three a day with some sort of fatty food source like yogurt or nuts or something because some of the things need fat to pass the brain blood barrier another really quick fact so now we know why some of us are big once you understand what aging is people are you gonna get old stop fucking stop being tragic stop trying to get in old but i put aging in the same category as dementia and cancer

and no one in this room would say oh fuck it everyone's gonna get cancer let's just leave it we all fight right right, against cancer. There is no reason for you to be a bent, fucked-up 90-year-old. You might still peg it at 91, but why not be a lame 90-year-old, right? And so once you understand what ageing is and how it works, you can start to fight against it. And ageing, very broadly speaking, only has two components.

Number one, when you wake up every day, yeah, your body's making new cells. And the older you get, the less accurate that copies are. Like an arse on a photocopier. Yeah. Feinting and feinting until eventually old ting, right? So getting less and less accurate. So you need to fuel your body's natural skill

of photocopying replacements. That's the first one. Second thing that makes you age is the shit cells going around your body that you don't use anymore. Old age cells. The posh word is senescent. So you've got all these senescent cells going, I don't do anything but I'm going to hang around in your bloodstream

and they sort of clog and clog and clog, mixed with the shit cells lead to inflammation, lead to aging. So if you can clear out the shit old cells from yesterday that have died because you're in Amsterdam and they're not doing it, not doing anything anymore, mixed with creating new sales, you will slow down

significantly the aging process. It's that simple. No one's solved it, but the challenge is simple. Can I just say, Russell, if you manage to do that sales pitch, I know it wasn't a sales pitch,

it was an explanation, to someone like me who did shrooms for 48 hours straight, you will get a lot of sales because when i was on shrooms in amsterdam i was like you know what you need to really get healthier we need to come on look we can do this today was a great day to pitch that to me i'll sign up right now you've got to do the diet and exercise as well though you know i'm out cool i've um i've started moisturizing my car yeah well that already looks very young yeah he's actually started photocopying it as well so he's gonna be absolutely i'm in by

the way so i'll buy some of this and the number can we put it on the business card yeah so this is your product it's lynn lynn my wife my wife's been using using me. So basically, I don't have a normal comedy act. It's very energetic. It's like Lee Evans on steroids. Fine if you're 28. I was getting older and older, more and more knackered, and just experimenting more and more. And so Lindsay's been using me like a jerk.

Let's try this one. What about this research? Read that paper. And we've combined it all together. And it's built naturally from the very first thing I did about 15 years ago, what if I stopped eating sugar, up to the hardcore shit we are now it's been like a learning a learning journey but basically you're as old as your cells are not your birth certificate so i can take your blood or your saliva and send it to the states now and tell you what your epigenetic age is your

real age how you're really aging and it's not just about how you look it's nice if you look young but it doesn't really matter whether you're gray or wrinkly or bald whatever it's not just about how you look it's nice if you look young but it doesn't really matter whether you're gray or wrinkly or bald whatever it's how young you feel and how young your body yeah because if you see a wino knocking about town you're like oh they look fucked they're like 32 it could be pickled they've just yeah but it's it's the mitochondria is the little the shit inside the cell and it's how how old that is and people's mitochondria younger tend to appear younger tend to and if you could really push it you can get away with looking 10 15 years younger than your biological age if you

do all those things at the same time i think uh i think we've got a new sponsor what's it called oh well lindsey won't let me share that yet it was a really if you it was originally going to be called zing but we had some copyright issues so it's gonna be a name like that that's all i can tell you i know it's going to be a name like that. That's all I can tell you. I know. It's going to be a big... I had some interesting people WhatsApp in me with deep pockets. Is it out yet? Can I try something? So it's really exciting. But that's, you know, I let Lindsay deal with the business side.

Will you be... Have you any trials yet? We've got a hundred, like... Yeah, you could be on the VIP, like, testing schedule. Yes. All right. We'll be some pigs for you. Can't wait to look 25 again.

Yeah. You just need to'll be some pigs for you. I can't wait to look 25 again. Yeah. You just need to match your dick age of 12. I'm just, like, all joking aside, I'm absolutely in. That was very interesting. Yeah, me too. That's one of the things I realised in Amsterdam is that I think it's time to start messing about a bit and get ripped.

Yeah. I'd just rather have three tablets a day that help. But I will do the exercise. But I say to older people, like, you know, my older relatives, my aunties, my mum's friends, the number one thing you can do if you're really struggling with your weight straight away is every time there's an ad break or a sponsorship break or a YouTube role stand up to sat down that's one change you can make today and the difference between standing and sitting when you burn calories is unreal people don't realize we spend our lives sitting like that we're not supposed to yeah next time when you're waiting to skip an ad break or you watch something

on itv hub or whatever and do the rest of the podcast like this exactly it makes a massive you're the first guest to uh walk up the stairs to the studio like this. Exactly. It makes a massive difference. You're the first guest to walk up the stairs to the studio on purpose. Oh, yeah, you did, yeah. I will always take an opportunity to do a bit of exercise. Oh, my God. You look 25.

I live on the 12th floor. Do you reckon I should be taking the stairs? Yeah, I do. Have you taken them yet? I'm just going to back down. That's a really good... No, Adam, seriously, I don't go to the gym. I don't believe in gym membership. I can't exercise if anyone's watching me. I've never seriously, I don't go to the gym. I don't believe in gym membership.

I can't exercise if anyone's watching me. I've never been... I haven't been to a gym. I think I've been, like, once or twice for things I'm filming. Yeah. I do everything I've got, I can do in a fucking travel lodge dressing room. Star jumps, push-ups, whatever. It's bullshit proof.

The number... The more steps there are between you and the gym, it's raining, the fucking kids are crying, whereas if you're going to jump out, like, do 10 minutes of jumping jacks between you and the gym, it's raining, the fucking kids are crying. Whereas if you're going to jump out, like do 10 minutes of jumping jacks while you're watching Netflix, any fucker can get with that. Do you run?

Not really, no. I've got a treadmill. Do you lift weights? I do if I'm at home. When I'm on the road, I've got, you know, like the resistance, the resistance bands, like there's a little old man exercise kit. I'm never going to put like muscle on

and pepper on me with hair on. Just a bit i've just i but i am toned for my age my body is not like a 47 year old man's under under here my target body is like beckham body age 35 just toned i don't want to be hench news flash my target body is you in 10 years i'll say that news flash right this is what a lot of men don't realize watching this they're at home they might be considering taking steroid do not take fucking steroids right the number of women that actually want a guy who's 16 stone and three percent body fat is tiny it's gay men and virtually no women who the fuck are you doing most women don't want a guy who looks

like he's gonna shit himself if he turns around and answers you what was that carol i followed through oh and if you speak oh that's what a woman wants looks like he's going to shit himself if he turns around and answers you. What was that, Carol? I followed through. And if you speak, oh, that's what a woman wants, is like back acne, shrunken cock and a violent temper. Is it, Gary? I don't think it is. Just a bit of self... Just self-respect and confidence is attractive to a woman. Even if you're not in shape,

just the fact you're making that effort with yourself is what's... You've got a podcast. You are? Do you have a podcast? Yeah. I got for the bbc and my man baggage one where i talk about men you just sit and talk like this i would listen to no but men have got men have got themselves a bit lost i think in masculinity and everyone's telling us we're shit and we're doing everything wrong um we're either sex offenders or lazy or aggressive or not aggressive enough or we should be hairy or we're not hairy enough.

Till in the end, you're fucking half shaved watching the Twilight box set. Half shaved. In your head, that was that, like, you bite half of it. Not like your top or your bottom, just... Phantom of the opera. Yeah, I do want to get a bit healthier now. What pissed me off in Amsterdam?

So I was trying to buy some clothes while we were over there, but Dutch people are naturally quite tall and slim, so all of their clothes looked absolutely ridiculous on me, apart from this one-size-fits-all I got at the airport. What did you get? Kids shops or something? Even that. They've got tall kids.

And they're annoyingly good-looking as well, Swedes and Dutch. You know when you go, like some couples think they're really good-looking and they go to Sweden, like in England, they're fit. Then they get off the plane in Stockholm and they're like, come walk by me, my love.

We're mingers when we're abroad, even if we're looking English. Yeah, but I'm still charismatic, so the Swedes still like me. Exactly. I think cycling everywhere really does the Dutch quite a lot of good, doesn't it? Yeah. 14 million bikes in Amsterdam. And they all want to kill you.

That's how they're so tall and lean. Because they try and kill tourists on their fucking... It's fucking everywhere, though. Can you forget, particularly if you've been enjoying a few sherrys in Amsterdam? That's what we went for. Step out into the road with red eye like that. How none of us got mowed down is actually impressive. Yeah.

Right, sign me up, Russell. I'll mention it to Lindsay, yeah. To be fair to her, she's done it all... It was her... She just observed me. People would ask me what I'm taking. Then they would glaze over with boredom. And she saw that boredom as an opportunity.

I mean, that's fucking... Yeah, but you sell it nicely. You sell it well. Nice. I want to buy it. Questions? Should we do some questions? Yeah.

Sean Carson says, Wag wag lids. I've seen a video online of a comedian doing stand-up and he got heckled right before a punchline. The worst part of it was the person heckling was bar staff in the venue. I was angry for the guy and couldn't fathom a member of staff doing that.

So two questions. Really, what's your thoughts on this? And also, does this happen often? Or was I right to be as shocked as I was? Love the pod. Keep the good work up uh sean carson um you do not do that i've never i've never had venue staff heckle me i mean that is your job's done you're finished there is there's you feel like you're being like a arrogant by going as a comedian we have different expectations but a good comedy club you can have worked many a bar but you need extra training for a comedy club because there's so many different

things you can't do if it like a bad comedy club where they're like yeah we just started moving glasses halfway through the show and you can hear that i I've had literally bottles, bottle bar, like, you know, when the bottle bank empties, like, but the thing is you shouldn't even have to be trained for that. No. I mean, you have to be fucking, you have to be sat there going, oh yeah, everyone's talking and listening, but I need to empty this bottle bin.

When we were recording Juicy in Glasgow, like they put the glass wash on. It was like, we're filming this. Yeah. It's what we always do but i have had you know when there's someone talking in the audience drunk too much and ruin the gig and you look out and it's the friend you brought with you have ever had that happen when it's a friend or family and they're they're the i've had ex-girlfriends talk about too much during shows yeah they don't like being told off either yeah someone a mate of mine from uh when we were growing up moisturize my dick and shut up now i miss your 12 year old dick um yeah how i grew up with and i

knew her and she and i walked on and she literally went dan and you're like oh in the front row really i got on well with her not seen her for 15 years, very confident. And she was like, Dan! And you're like, all right, cool. I was like, oh, I know you from 20 years ago, that's fine. So everyone's like, oh, that's kind of weird. It doesn't happen loads. And then she just chipped in the whole night. And I was like, I've not even invited her.

I just know her from ages ago. Just, you guys, so rough. I don't like anyone I know anywhere I can see them in the gig. And it blows my mind that one of my friends or family, one of my cousins, will buy tickets, can I come in to see you? And then sit in the front row. How do they think that's going to go?

Because they want to support you. It's so off-putting. Yeah, it is. But they don't understand that, do they? They want the best seats to see their cousin or whatever. Like, yeah, I always try and like that's screening we're doing i've i've reserved the back row for me yeah also all the comedians be out of sight absolutely had a professional comedian at a fucking literally a small preview just sat at the end of the the front row also don't do the comedian i think that's about other audience members looking at them

because weirdly, when the comedians are at the side of the stage, I'll chuck a couple of smiles and a couple of, like, it doesn't bother me. So it can't be the fact of another comic watching you. It must be another comic watching you and an audience can see that comic watching you. But you can't see, if they're at the side, that's a very, like, you have to be aware,

to see if they're reacting or laughing. Yeah, you've got to turn. You have to look. Yeah, yeah you have to look yeah yeah another comic and i'm talking like that beat the frog new comics are like right cool well i'm going on so i'll need to be at the front like no you need to be at the back like the front it should just be audience members i am i got the last two seats for jim jim jeffries in ed in Edinburgh right and I would rather die than sit at the front mostly because I have no powers when I don't have a microphone so I'm a good one to pick on by the way if ever you see me one of your gigs I never fight I don't fight back and I sat there with the girl I was with at the time it's this long-term serious relationship wasn't just

a girl I was seeing and she'd drunk too much and she said something and Jim Jeffries who hadn't recognized me or didn't seem to said said to her, what's that? And she just went, I'm just waiting for you to tell a joke. And then he said, why don't you wait for me to spunk the fake tan off your face, you cunt? That was his first. And I went to, like, the size of a thimble, then achieved gaseous form and just disappeared through the air vent.

Are you going to do anything about this, Russell Kane? I just... That's it. Where do you go with that? That's the bottom line, isn't it? Close the envelope. It's like, you know someone that starts with that punch? I'm thinking very funny.

You should be dead! I've worked in comedy clubs on the bar for a long time and I've never known that to happen and you would your job's finished you're out bye

never in a comedy club but I've done some gigs in places that aren't as nice as comedy clubs comedy clubs are just a highest should be a higher standard of venue

but we do gigs in pubs in function rooms yeah I suppose. I like, um, I always think it's a bad sign where the person who sort of runs the venue or is like in charge of the night wants to introduce the compare on. Yeah.

Like, okay, I'll go on and just welcome everyone. And then I'll bring you on, which makes it feel weirdly redundant as the compare sort of takes away your authority. I find those people really like to be then, like we were saying, sort of visible in the room.

Yeah, you'll know me because I'm obviously important. I'm John, the landlord. So you're welcome for me putting the gig on for you, by the way. And here's the content paying. Have you ever done the Walnut Tree in Maidstone? Notoriously the worst one of all of them. Oh, it used to be a mirth control gig. You turn up, you're

the only one on, right? And it's like a little box. And from behind the bar, I was brought on like this. He had a separate shit mic that plugged in for quiz night. And he went, next comedian's called Russell. Give him a chance. You're booked for 45 minutes. On your own.

You stand on that pallet. So it's alright for this it's all right for this lot but you know when pubs go around the bar goes around the corner so that lot around there they're just having their normal pub night and you're playing to this lot but now and again like terry or dave will go can't i did it they tried to make it look like a new york comedy club on the wall they'd actually gone well we're gonna make this look nice where was it but they're just at the side no it's i think it's that walnut no there's a there's a mirth control gig it might change its name it's a pub oh my god it's it was

a pub but they've gone oh we have comedy here they i think they've been doing it a while yeah and it was like they tried to make it look like a bit of a comedy club but we're only willing to give up like two square meters of the pub so it looked like a comedy club but we're only willing to give up like two square meters of the pub so it looked like a comedy club but you're on a pallet yeah oh absolutely brutal no compare no just you just look like a dickhead who's wandering up there it's the same one they must change it to the pub's name it's that exact gig is that gig and there was another in rochester yeah oh my god yeah yeah um there is the kridor is a tough place to gig, trust me. Do you know, I know this sounds mad,

but the final boss is chatting. Do you know difficult gigs like that? I think in the build up to my next tour, I'd like to do a few of them. Why don't you call it Total Kent and do a small run? What's the one in Dublin, the international, that doesn't have a mic? They've just never had microphones.

Yeah? A legendary gig that I'd love to do. 60 seats, no microphone. I'm in Dublin next weekend for the Laugh Lounge for the club gigs, just to get back in the swing of doing club comedy. But the last time I was there I just went into

the international and was like can I do a set I've been at the laughter lounge and they went do they love the Scousers

in Ireland is that just a myth yeah they do yeah there's just a sort of they see Scousers as like an extension

of themselves in a weird way I'm not speaking for everyone but a lot of them are like yeah they know there's Irish blood in Liverpool

a lot of it you're English but you're not as conty as the rest of them yeah like, yeah, they know there's Irish blood in Liverpool, a lot of it. You're English, but you're not as cunty as the rest of us. Yeah. The further you get towards Kent. I love those weird little gigs that just are amazing. There's just something magic about them. They're great.

Those weird little anomalies that are just, it works. Obviously a pallet in fucking Kent's not ideal. Another question. Wag Wag Lits, relatively relatively new listener but really enjoyed the part enjoying the pod hoping hoping to become a patron soon this is a would you rather would you rather talk really camp or walk really camp i've got both of those this includes all aspects hold on let me think that felt personal.

There's definitely a reason I picked it. This includes all aspects of each, for example, running, jogging, singing, whispering, or doing star jumps in a travel lodge. I don't know how he got that. That's from Alfie Webb. So with the would-you-rathers, you have to do one, and it's all powerful. But would you rather talk camp or walk camp?

I'd rather walk camp, personally. Right. I think people are more likely to get out your way. If you just sort of... If you strut a bit. I think people are like, oh... I don't know if you've ever tried to jog camp. It's loads of fun.

I mean, it's tiring. That's just a showbiz run, isn't it? You know when... I think, it's tiring. You'll burn calories. That's just a showbiz run, isn't it? You know, when... I think... What's up, Carl? You look fully confused. How do you run camp? Like this?

How do you run camp? Can you not... I think... You need the air. I think there's got to be a bit of this. I don't think you can do that. I think there's just got to be

a little pinkies out. Side to side. Yeah, Dan's not. Dan's just doing jazz hands. He's on the West End. Adam looks like he needs insulin. Car so straight, I can't even imagine camp running. I'm too straight to even think about it.

I'm with you, Adam. I'd choose move camp rather than walk camp. Yeah, that's it. You look like you're recovering from a spinal injury. You're going onto the dance floor. That's just you about to dance. One step at a time, Adam. I'm going to walk again for my wife.

They're playing wagon wheel. That's not camp. What's that come out of? Just looks like it. There you go. You look like an auntie at a wedding. Like the boat. Don't like the boat.

I can see why the lesbians love you. Listen, on stage, I can't listen on stage. I love a good camp up. It's loads of fun. You better walk in because people, you can still, you could work. You can still do podcasts, for example. No one's going to judge you

if you think you're putting a voice on or anything. You're going to look like you're putting a walk on. So I, for commercial reasons, would choose move camp. Yeah. For commercial, this is the first time anyone's ever done that in a Woodsy Rod. For commercial reasons. Let's do some other words.

That's why we named the podcast... Anonymous Lady. This is about a bath pisser. Sounds like one of Adam's songs. Anonymous Lady. Anonymous Lady. She was... Wouldn't tell me her name.

Anonymous lady. She wouldn't tell me her name, but she stayed in my room. When I woke up, she was gone in the hair. She was an anonymous

lady. Oh, it's a hit. I used to. Like, Lenin and the fucking cat. Eyelids. She says, eyelids, I've been shagging this lad who admitted to pissing in the bath water while he is in it. This isn't just every now and again, it's every time. And he doesn't shower down after the pissy bath.

Have a word with him for being a scruffy cunt or have a word with me for being a fanny for not wanting to consume his piss particles when I suck him off. That's from an anonymous lady. I thought it was going to end with piss particles when I'm having a bath. Are you pissing in the bath?

She still does it. I'm guessing she doesn't understand how a dick works. There's probably going to be. Most of the time. Are you in the bath when you piss? Piss particles near a knob. If I'm having a bath, I will have a piss while I'm in the bath, yeah? No. No, you're lying.

What are you... Come on. No. Do you piss in swimming pools? Yeah. Different. Why is it different? Because chlorine...

Mass? Literally the size of the place? So how big would my bath have to be for you to be okay with me pissing on it? The size of a swimming pool? The Mediterranean Sea. The chlorine. The chlorine naturally kills the bacteria.

Oh, fair enough. Bubble bath chlorine. His bath is the leisure center. We don't know this lady, do we? Just calling her Anon. I would say this, Anon. Your problem isn't that your guy's pissing in the bath. Your problem is you're dating a man who likes to have a bath.

Fuck off! Hold on, hold on. No, no, no. Yeah, that's a man with no goals, no ambition. Shower, in, out, done. Work out, achieve, profit. No, I got a Chandler Bing-themed rubber duck from Amsterdam as a gift for myself.

I'm getting a bath tonight. Not even tonight, it's this afternoon. You buy yourself a rubber duck? Yeah. It's the cutest thing I've ever heard. It's a Chandler Bing one. And Chandler likes a bath. He floats it on his piss stream like the Bellagio fountain.

Baths are well better than showers. No, they're not. Pissing in the shower, absolutely fine. Yep. Obviously not shitting, poking it down with a stick, that's too far. But pissing in a shower, absolutely fine. But to date a man who not only has got so few goals he can float around in water for 40 minutes

a day i've got lots of goals thank you very much he's right i've got no time i brush my teeth in the shower there's a man making dollar there you go i'm bathing me old piss. No, listen. I just start out of the toilet so far away, and so are your dreams and goals. Yeah, yeah. Baths are much better than showers. You get to sit there, based, you're just like, ooh, ooh.

The salt go up your bum hole. Ooh. Wow. Salt in your bath. Loose arsehole. Bath salt's not fucking sacked. I'm not putting a bit of mild and salt in. There's never been a body of water that I've been in

that I haven't pissed in. I think that is every... But you wouldn't piss the bath, though, would you? No, I don't count that as a body. Well, it is a body. It's a small body of water. Yeah, it's too small. I wouldn't piss in the bath.

At the David Lloyd, I'm paying £212 a month. Yeah, definitely. Here's a question that I've seen. That was a shit you finished with there. No, that wasn't. If you don't shit in the pool, you'll definitely be found out. Chlorine. Chlorine.

Chlorine, work faster. Here's a question that I've seen on TikTok, right? Yeah. I'm going to ask you to all of you. So, if you were in a swimming pool, like a leisure centre swimming pool, standard size, and there was a dead body in it, would you get in the water? No. Right, okay.

Do you ever get in the sea? Yes. But you know for a fact there's dead bodies in the sea. So that means there is an amount of water to dead body ratio that you're comfortable with. And I'm just wondering what your ratio is. Would I go to the Middle East? Yes. Would I go into a country that's actively got war?

No, because the bit of the Middle East I'm in is far from the war. Same theory. The further you are from the danger, the easier it becomes, particularly if you're across a border. If I saw a dead body in the sea even on the horizon after i finished screaming like a bitch and phoning the police i wouldn't go i might as well go for a swim while waiting for the old bitch is that a jellyfish yeah i think if you can if you're aware of it if you can see it you're not

getting in but if you said to me there's a dead body five miles in the sea that way i'd probably get over it that'd still fuck me up a little bit. Really, yeah. Five miles, I'd be like, you know about the body? Yeah, yeah. I'd need more information. Yeah, how do you know there's a dead body five miles away? And why have you just parked the car right now? And why are you wanking as you're telling me there's a dead body five miles away from us?

I don't know. No sense of smell. She was asking for it. She was so dirty, yet she was clean at the same time. Hello, is that the police? I like to cut the eyes out of catalogues, put the tongue through the women. Well, that's got on him in the trailer.

One more from Ash. Can you have a serious word with my mate Michael, please? We're at uni together, and he's got into a pretty nasty habit of wanking on university premises. He says he's literally got so horny he has to bang one out but surely that's not right when it's in a fucking disabled access toilet of the uni library i've wanked in disabled toilets any masturbation in any toilet is is fine in fact i think the disabled toilet is more polite because if you're in a normal gents there's noise bleed they're gonna hear you grunting as you go at yourself like a

sewing machine in a power surge so i think think disabled toilet, privacy, a bar for the gripping. You could even do a through-the-leg undermilk. The undermilk? My God. What can I do, mate? Imagine opening that door and he's doing an under-the-leg hold-on to the wall. Sorry, occupied.

I just want to put it up here. I can get a nice purchase. No, but a disabled... Seriously, if you really are that horny and you've got to relieve yourself, surely a disabled toilet is more polite than a normal gents. So I'm not even suggesting you, Ryan, obviously. It's definitely more polite than the

women's. Yes, definitely. 100%. Through the fan light jumping up. Yeah, uni's frown on that. When I was a younger man, I did have to just pop into a toilet once or twice and just get the demon out of me. Yeah, but would you have done a normal gents

where other people could have? Exactly. I think when you say university premises, that's pretty broad. I mean, is it the library? Is it the lecture hall? There's some sexy places in uni. He says the uni library.

What? There's some sexy places in uni. Yeah, just, you know, he wasn't doing anyone any harm until he, Michael wasn't doing anyone any harm until he told his mate Ash. He could have just written this one out. This is why it's not a massive have a word moment because unless he told Ash, who's written in,

no one would have ever known. What damage are you actually doing? But what damage is he even doing now? Why can't Ash just fucking live with the knowledge? Why have you wanked Jordan on the exam? That's different. Is that allowed? Yeah, because you're not allowed to do exams

and you're disabled access to it. Any public masturbation is covered by UK law. You cannot wank in public where other people are there. But you know... He spoke with that. It reminds me of one of the most hilarious failed businesses. This American woman tried to launch a business to try and catch your man out from cheating. And what it was, your man went to work.

And then when he came home at night, you got his underwear and it was a swab. And you could see if there was jizz on his pants. He's obviously had sex while he's at work and had after leak. What she didn't realize was every man is wanking at work. So the invention is completely flawed that was a genuine a genuine thing launched by a woman who does not understand the extent to which men are just masturbating the whole time everywhere they go one of my favorite ones is everyone wanking at this work i haven't wanked in this studio i haven't wanked

in this oh will you've wanked in here oh Oh, Will! He definitely has, by the way. Will's gone red. He 100% has. Look at his little face. Look at his little cummy face. Look at him. Look how happy he is. He's wanking now.

Oh, God. He's stayed in here. He's slept in there. Oh, definitely. He absolutely has. You have, haven't you? Yeah. Yeah.

But the thing is with men, it's linked with sleep. It's not always pervy. It's like a nighttime routine that we've done since we were 13. And that's why, I'm just throwing it out there, ladies, masturbating on a long-haul flight probably has been done as what I call a function milking. Yeah. Just to get an erotic horlicks to get yourself off to sleep.

It's a chore. Yeah. It's a chore. And sometimes the National Express to Newcastle... and erotic horlicks to get yourself off the street. It's a chore. Yeah. It's a chore. And sometimes the National Express to Newcastle takes eight and someone's in the toilet.

Have you wanked here, Finn? No. Liar. You've stayed over here. Finn's got quite a low sex drive though, I think. Well, mate with me most of the time.

Yeah, Peter. Oh my God. He's seen things in. Russell, if you could get out of here with that wanking, we'd really appreciate it. It's not a natural masturbation moment. A masturbation moment for most men

is what I keep explaining. Lindsay thinks I'm just doing it just to get regular hand shandies, but it is a relaxing, almost like a spa type experience for a man. It's anti-anxiety drug the little sleep you have after that if you have a sleep

thanks so much for coming in Russell no worries appreciate it social media is just at Russell Cain it's Russell underscore Cain on the Twitter and Facebook

an official Russell Cain at Instagram on Facebook sorry and Instagram Twitter TikTok's Russell underscore Cain

wonderful we got sorry go on really appreciate you coming in on Facebook, sorry, and Instagram, Twitter, TikToks, Russell underscore Kane. Wonderful. We got... Sorry, go on. Really appreciate you coming in. Your tour is at, what's your website? That'll be, just go to my website, russellkane.co.uk. There's some tickets left for Dublin and Belfast, I think. Lovely.

Nice. And you might be adding some more as well. I might add a few little more. There's also a place to find out what's happening with Evil Genius, my BBC podcast, and all the other things I'm working on. Yeah, Man Baggage is great as well. I've done that a couple of times,

and it's really fun to do. Yeah, and hopefully, you know, next time I see you, I'll have a song that you can actually stream on Spotify. Absolutely. Go and watch Adam's special, Imperious. It's on the Have A Word Pod YouTube page. Wonderful.

We've got some tunes. We've got a tune. We've got a tune. This is a band called Character Development. Big fans of the pod and the tune's called Ex Vivo. Lovely. Thank you very much for watching as always. See you soon.

Sign up to hang out in clouds Got sick of the poison So we might fish it out Help me hallucinate I'm high as a kite I want to be John right now. I want to be John, but I am ringed up somehow. Let's disappear again. The fears of God

The fun never ends And he said And she said Here we go X-ray mode guitar solo Let's go back to the place Where I hang my head and it's a loving grace She's in the sky right now She's covered in diamonds but she'll not come back down

Let's get drunk again We'll be right back. through my lungs And he said as she said Here we go X-Ray Bow guitar solo And he said And she said Here we go X-Ray Ball X- we go X-Men go X-Men go X-Men go

X-Men go X-Men go X-Men go X-Men go X-Men go X-Men go X-Men 4 X-Men 4.