Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #21 Shutdown Pod (VIA ZOOM) -w/Adam & Dan

Episode Date: April 1, 2020

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What's happening guys, it's Adam here. Just a quick word from our sponsors before we kick off today's episode. That is Beer52.com Beer52 is the UK's most popular craft beer discovery club. They're number one, baby! And they'll send you some amazing beers every month and you can rate and review them via their website to earn points and rewards. Now every month's beers that you get sent will have a brand new theme.

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favour pause the pod here go and do that now and then enjoy the episode Nice one See you in a bit Fucking did it in one take bro Yeah man

Okie dokie Picking a pokey Good morning Jump seekers Oh my god Ok it's happening Catch me outside How about that

Is that Dave No There's no uncle Dave here Ok Who the fuck is that guy Have you never seen me before Upset me Nasty bitch It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel like podcasting. Two mics, two lids, and a lot of time on their hands. This is Have A Word, Shut Down Dailies. Let's get through this mess together.

Hi, how you feeling? I had the fucking worst night's sleep. I made a big mistake yesterday. So after we recorded yesterday, I went for a nap. A nap. Oh, gee. A nap from like three o'clock or whenever we... When did we record? We recorded about...

Yeah, we finished about three. Yeah, so I I napped till about seven like I woke up and the podcast was already out and it just

fucking wrote I got so much shit done in this house last night it looks spotless that's not that's not a nap that's like the

first half of your night's sleep innit yeah I had half a kip erm yeah so I was up That's not a nap. That's like the first half of your night's sleep, isn't it? Yeah. I had half a kip. Yeah, so I was up till about 7 o'clock this morning and then just broken sleep because my bedroom, the room I sleep in at the minute,

is at the back of the house, and that's where the sun comes up. So either the sunlight comes in or I close my blackout blinds and then the room just becomes an oven. So it's either super bright or super hot. So I had the fucking worst night's sleep. I wondered what had happened because you messaged way too early this morning.

I was like, right, well, something's either really right or something's definitely wrong. Yeah, if Adam rose up at 6 a.m he's either getting his life together or it's gone off the rails that awful that awful overlap we're like i'm up in the mornings i'm still on drugs that's sort of like yeah i've been that guy i've been that guy still on drugs i'm answering the call why am i answering the call hello well i was up with all of those people today and fit into neither camp no drugs and no early wake up how are you getting drug like anyone who's like does drug mate like it's been a long while and it's not going to be anytime soon but i was thinking that how do you even get drugs if you want them like it's pretty high risk isn't it like drug dealers just pretending to walk the dog for

the 78th time in a day yeah i always walk my dog around to all the dodgiest houses on the estate that's what i do i think drug dealers have just had to get jobs as amazon drivers you can get your mozambique on amazon you've just got to get it with a really cheap Amazon Basics curtain rail, and it comes wrapped up with a little surprise. But I feel all right now. I've had a chilled day, and I'm feeling a little bit better in myself. I have a story for you, Adam, that I think you will enjoy. I, while you were trying to get to sleep i was waking up

watched a bit more tiger king which i am addicted we're we're gonna get around to talking about it i've watched one episode now i'm one episode i've just clocked on to five and i'm it's just getting more and more weird and i'm loving it right so we'll talk about it another day but i woke up early i was like right i'm gonna get that exercise didn't do it yesterday i'm just really enjoying exercising i'm a bit of a jogger bellend so i'm gonna go for it got myself together sometimes now i don't know the semi-professional athletes listen to this know that it's always good to have a plop before you set off for the jog yeah when i when i'm in you don't need to be pooing halfway around the fucking exactly when i when i was uh in the olympic qualifying that's it that

was my tactic have a poo before you start and uh then you you can get through that 100 meters 100 mate yeah can you imagine how bad your ibs would have to be if you're in the 100 meters with usain bolt and then just halfway down you shat yourself like, oh, fuck. Imagine if he slipped on it, though. Mate, I don't think at any point he's going to be behind you to slip on your shit. I like your confidence, mate.

Did you see the other day that Britney Spears put on her Instagram that she ran 100 metres in just under six seconds. She's either fishing for idiots or she's that thick. She's like, oh my God, I did it. I totally did it. I've been jogging on and off for ages. And I have a history of gettingined out of my mind before and then

just getting that you know like when you it's a good thing it's like you know if you've ever been dogs have you been the dog races i've been the dog track being the horses well at the dogs it's a really good tactic to just bet on the dog that's just shat itself before before the race because you think it's at least a pound lighter that is is often the same for joggers, so it's quite nice to have a plop. Anyway, got up, got up this morning, had a Carabao, get my head in the game, get competitive. It was way too early to basically wake up and drink a fucking energy drink.

It's six in the morning. I've twatted an energy drink. I'm like, oh God, yeah, I feel good. And then I was like, do I need a poo? No, no, I'll have a poo later. Oh no. There's one brewing, but I can tell, do I need a poo? No, no, I'll have a poo later. Oh no. There's one brewing, but I can tell just,

you know, you know, your own system. I was like, that's for a little bit later. It's in, it's in the postman's bag. He's not ready to deliver. So off I fucking run.

I'm jogging at my nice slow place. I just sort of taking it easy. I got 10 minutes from my house and I was like, Oh now that's, that is a poo. It's poo time, but it's all right it's not too dramatic I'm only 10 minutes from home I will turn back I will just go home and then I'll just start the jog after my morning plop I as soon as I turn back it's like my bowels went oh shit are we going home nice one maybe you've caught IBS off me. I'll start the process. As soon as I turned back,

I needed a poo five times more than I did when I was running away. I then had to do that. Ten minutes it took me to run away from the house. I ran back in about six minutes. The last minute of it was like bow-legged as fast as I could. Have you ever seen those?

Have you ever seen those like, what are the things on the beach where it's too hot? The lizards on the beach. I fucking wish everyone listening to this could see what you ever seen those? Have you ever seen those, like, what are the things on the beach where it's too hot? The lizards on the beach. I fucking wish everyone listening to this could see what you're doing right now.

I absolutely pegged it back. There's a green on our little, in front of our house. I've never run over it. I've always thought you don't go either side. I had to go

as the crow flies. I knew time was, the last 30 seconds of that run, the poo was, it was already it was happening it was literally happening i have never i nearly bolted the gate vaulted the gate even got in the kitchen left the door open bang through if i'd left it 10 seconds more i'd have done a shit in the hallway okay so see what you're describing there. Oh my God. The sweet relief.

Have you noticed how straight-faced I've been throughout that story? Because if I told you every time something similar to that happened to me, that would be all this podcast is. That's like an every 12-hour thing for me is, go, go, go! We've got to get into the chopper!

I have so much more control, Every 12-hour thing for me is, go, go, go! We've got to get into the chopper! We've got to get into the chopper! I have so much more control, but I really... Because yesterday, I was feeling a bit crap yesterday. Today, I woke up feeling really good. I was like, don't ruin your shut-down mood today

by pooing down the inside of your leg just before you go for a run. Because I'd be in a bad mood. I'd be like, you fucking child. Yeah, you pooed yourself. No, I didn't. It was very satisfying.

That is non-IBS privilege you've had there. To have the thought, I might need a poo in half an hour. To have that thought and still go for a run without pooing. That is so fucking alien to me. If I think I might need a poo at some point in the near future, I can't go for a run. There's no way I can go for a run. I've got to wait until my bum goes,

yeah, let's shit now, and then we can go. But how do you go anywhere, then, if it's like go time within three seconds all the time? It's not three seconds, but you get about a minute. How far away are you from like... It's like the old IRA. They ring you and let you know there's a bomb about to go off. It's not like ISIS or Al Qaeda

where it's just a surprise it's you've got 10 fucking minutes to get out of this building and into another one that has a toilet in it my shit this morning was IRA with stuff to do like you've got fucking 5 minutes and get a fucking reg alarm

yeah you don't want Al Qaeda that's no warning IBS is far closer to the IRA Fucking five minutes, and get a fucking regal arm. Yeah, you don't want Al-Qaeda. That's no warning. IBS is far closer to the IRA than it is to Islamic terrorism. IBS is the... is the Sinn Féin of... IBS is the Sinn Féin of... I think they're actually the Irish government

at the moment, Sinn Féin. They are, yeah. Yeah, yeah. There's a lad who does really... They've come a long way, haven't they? They've come a long way. Look at where we are. Give it 20 years, Al-Qaeda will be running the fucking country.

There's a lad called Darren Conway. He's a comic from Ireland, but he does a lot of selfie videos. And he did one about the election and voting for Sinn Féin as a joke. And they reckon that was a big part of why they got a lot of votes. Because it went mad viral. He's funny as fuck, by the way.

Darren underscore Conway. Go and check him out on Instagram and Twitter. He's so fucking funny. I do not know him. Scouse Mar tweeted something this morning. It's really resonated with me I think there's so many celebrities that was such a non-Scouse way to say

Scouse Ma Scouse Ma Scouse Ma has done an internet fax Scouse Ma there you go that's better well the porn star the British porn star, Sophie Anderson.

Sophie Anderson, yeah. You know, it's everyone suffering from the shutdown. A lot of celebrities have used their platform to just spread positive messages. Well, Sophie Anderson started today with something similar. Hello, you filthy fucker. There's just one little thing I want to remind you. And that's when all this is fucking over,

I'm going to get totally fucking fucked. That's right. I'm going to get dick fucked. I fucking can't take any fucking more. See you later. See you soon. My favourite bit is when she goes, That's right.

I'm going to get dick fucked. I love it. I love that in her head. I'm going to get dick fucked. I love it. I love that in her head, I'm going to get fucking dick fucked. In her head, she's gone, I wonder whether people know that I'm going back to business as soon as possible. I wonder if anyone's wondering,

hey, is Sophie Anderson's days as a porn star over? Or is she getting back to it? Well, I'm getting fucking dick fucked, Ernie. That was my West Country accent, by dick for only there's something really comical about the the porn star the british porn star industry i don't know why it's so bristolian and west country she looks like barbie like did steroids she's like that self that was like self-position that she's got breasts that she can only just get the camera over tits. And then it's all plastic and LA and California. It's like Phil and Grant Mitchell,

Rachel having a chat, don't they? And then she's like, all right, I tell you something. When Corona's finished, you know what I'm going to get? Well,

fucking tablets for painkillers from my fucking back. Cause the Mitchell twins are killing my fucking spine. But I'm going to get faked. I'm going to get proper fucking dick faked. Really? I'm sorry. How can you be? British porn is the worst.

It's just not the same, is it? It's the worst. Porn lends itself to like a Californian accent of, oh my god fuck me in the ass fuck me no fuck me harder fuck me fuck me please fuck me that sounds normal in porn you can't like i seen a scouse porn once a girl from liverpool yeah get your fucking dick out lads no i want it i want your fucking dick in me fucking face like in real life that's sound because you're more attuned to it but when when you're watching that on a fucking website it's just so great and mate this is the weird thing that they're all our accents they're the accents

we're used to hearing on like tv and yeah but there's something about a blonde woman with huge fucking honkers going i want to get dick fucked, alright, see you later. What do you think is the worst one? Like, what would be the worst UK accent for porn? It's weird, this is really classic. Just say Birmingham.

This is classic, but I think there's something really... I want you to fuck me in the's something really I want you to put your dick in me butt cheeks that's what I want in and out in and out

fuck me in the bottom and cum on my face is that Karen Bailey's material it's like she's in the room I think that's I think that's

one of her first bits I want you to cum in the room i think that's i think that's one of her first bits i want you to come i think she'd be all right with it i think she'd be like it's not far off not far i want you to come all over me tits and then make me a posse do you know what's the thing is Adam, it's a really hard competition to do because I can see you

through my fucking laptop and it's ruining, like, oh, you're such a cool boy, and then I'm looking at your tits, I'm like, nah mate,

I'm alright. What do you reckon, you do Manchester, you do a good Manc accent, so go on, you do Manchester. You dirty fucking bastard, I'll take a bit of dick from you mate,

anytime, any fucking where, jizz on me knockers jizz on me knock um i yeah i just i think the part about jordy about jordy i want you to come on my face. Now we're doing Chris Ramsey's bit. Do Skem. So big. Is that it? Are you done? I thought that was Japanese. I've watched so much Bristol porn

I don't know Northern Irish porn I don't know Fucking get your dick right out You've got three minutes to get your dick out Cardiff, you did a good Wales Oh no, that's not fair They don't make pornography in Wales

I'll be honest They don't make pornography in Wales. All right. No, I'll be honest. We don't need it. A lovely young lassie in a rugby union Wales shirt showing a little bit of tummy with a piercing. That's hardcore pornography in Newport. Absolutely disgusting. That's a very South Wales attitude, though. In the North of Wales

They're like I'll fucking finger her on the Walters Have you seen that video Of the three fellas who work on the Walters Like they work on the fairground in North Wales Go on I'll get it for tomorrow You'll love it You will absolutely love it

We had someone email in Hey Dave Tell Adam the Sun Centre in Rhyl reopened Absolutely love it. We had someone email in, Hey, Dave. Tell Adam the Sun Centre in Rhyl reopened. No. I know. Now how much do you want to leave the house? It's called SC2.

I'd love it if that was the postcode again. It's called SC2 now. Maybe when the Rona is cleared off, he can go on another Scouse holiday. And that's from David Berry. Thank you, David. I mean, we could have checked Google, but you've really filled in a gap there. That is another venue that I want to add to the tour.

Donny Dome, Doncaster Dome, Hot Water Comedy Club, your garage and Real Sun Centre. Is that what we're on now? I actually went on the Doncaster Dome website to check capacity venue sizes. It's either 5200 or 1800. So listen,

keep telling your friends about the podcast. Especially, oh Donny, you couldn't have Donny porn like, fucking hell. Oh,

look at that pork sausage. Awful. I'd still smash it. What do you reckon? What about London? You do Cockney porn? All right, you fucking mad. Get your fucking dick out.

Come on my fucking lips in it. Come on my fucking lips. Ooh, that's nasty. Why does it have to go anywhere? Do you know, if I was a porn star, I would love to just ruin the whole scene by randomly just shouting, instead of being like,

tits, face, I'd just be like, just cum on my leg. And he'd be like, and then he'd have to jizz on your leg. Cum on my ankle. You could literally, ooh, go on,

jizz on my shin. I want to feel your cum drip off my ankle and into my ankle sock. Why is that not sexy? Because it's not, is it? I know, but what's the rules? Why is it facing boobs? I'm telling, is it? I know, but what's the rules? Why is it facing boobs? I'm telling you right now,

you could definitely find this on Pornhub. There's definitely come on your ankle porn. Leg shots? I've seen midgets get fired out of cannons to face dive into a vagina. So if I've seen that... What internet have you got? What show? Oh my God. so if I've seen what internet have you got what's your

oh my god how that was one of your hangover wanks wasn't it yes of course I want midgets I want cannons

a midget got fired out of a cannon and he landed face down in a big bowl of pussy if I can find that you can definitely find Come On Me Shin.

Right, so we've got Donny Dome, Doncaster Dome for the tour. We're now adding the Sun Centre in Rhyl, which is called SC2, hoping that they've got a venue. My Garage. We'll just do it in the pool. That's got seven capacity.

Yeah. What's the other one? Where's the other one? We said Hot Water Comedy Club in the pool. That's got seven capacity. Yeah. What's the other one? Where's the other one? We said Hot Water Comedy Club in the pool. Yeah, we probably should. Probably should do one proper venue at least. I've got a feeling. I said this to you the other day.

Rate the Patreon and the podcast is growing for us and we're getting some nice support. We might outgrow Hot Water before we get a chance to do a live show. We might end up doing the fucking arena. Yeah. But by the time we get let out of this shutdown hot water probably got two more new venues so i reckon the frog unbucket in manchester as they've actually paid for a patreon membership from the frog staff like that yeah i don't i think they'd be pretty pissy if i was like comedy store hi i know you don't book me and you've treated me like a cunt for nearly 20 years but can we do our

You like Adam? I love the comedy store They get no slaggings from me mate No? No no no Boys with the comedy store I'm not dragging you down with me I'm just laughing Karen Bailey and the comedy store

See you soon We've got loads to get to mate We've got absolutely loads to get to I'm just laughing. Karen Bailey and the Comedy Store. See you soon. We've got loads to get to, mate. We've got absolutely loads to get to. Should we do some features? Should we do some features, Daniel? Shall we do some features? Send in your questions and suggestions to haveawordpod at gmail.com.

Let's crack on with this nonsense. We've had a few emails and I want to speak to the people. They want to speak to us, Adam. Okay. You're a popular guy. This is how you fill the dome in Donnie, mate. I'm here for it, lad.

Let's do this shit. This is from an email, Dan Nightingale this is from, and this is genuinely an email that we got, dannightingale10 at gmail.com which is not my email address Hi, I'd like you guys to have a word with my co-host of a podcast we have decided to start due to the current shutdown unfortunately my co-host has a really

annoying habit of singing at random points in the show and introducing new segments to the sound of a tune, unfortunately he cannot sing and listener numbers are actually dropping it's dreadful and it burns my ears we're doing the podcast remotely, thinking of knocking it on the head with him so we have a word so we can potentially save the pod.

From Dan, kiss. So some fucking lid has set up a Gmail account in my name to ask me, Dan Iyengar, to read an email to you about our podcast. That was so good. That broke all the walls. The fourth wall, the third wall. I do not believe that this isn't you. I think it's you.

I promise. I've been telling you. I promise. That didn't sound convincing. I want to paint the picture. I could not be fucked setting up another Gmail and I love the fact that someone's got

yeah this will be good, I'll definitely set up well, dannightingale10 at gmail.com, go fuck yourself we did a poll on Twitter landslide victory for the old Ro Meister the songs are staying what's this section called, is this correspondence is that what we're calling it?

no, it's not got a name it's not got a name it's nameless everybody needs good that's when good become good fans fuck Fuck my life. All right, lads, this is from A. Morris. All right, lads, just catching up on the last part. I was reminded of a girl who used to always ask to have her pasty smashed. She never said, I want sex.

It was always, smash my pasty. She was a right weirdo. I'm sorry. There's a time and a place. I don't know why that got me. It's so northern. She was a right weirdo. He's going to be in the dome.

He's going to... There's a time and a place to say smash me past you can't you can't tell me that she never just asked for sex it can't have been like a tuesday afternoon and she's gone smash my pasty imagine if she literally never no even on even the time she lost her virginity and she's there and it's like her first boyfriend she's really awkward and they're like shui i mean my parents away and i don't know i trust you i love you and the boyfriend was like i want you to be my first as well and she was like yeah i want you to be my first smash my pasta

and he already jizzed he just instantly oh god on you on your wedding night i love you so much babe I want to be together smash me pasty I'm so glad we waited in Sophie Anderson's voice smash my fucking pasty give it a good old dick fuck see in Scouse that's where it's the winner

smash me pasty get your dick out and smash my pasty can you imagine someone posh going I'm sorry smash my pasty can you imagine someone posh going i'm sorry smash my pasty we've got listeners all over the world and some of them are very confused right now i love i love the fact that jelly beans in texas going these guys are fucking idiots but she listens to every episode and she's gonna be going on the web so google she had she tweeted

that she googled what mozambique was and she's like fucking screenshotting it going oh it's slang for cocaine she was like oh that's great yeehaw

I don't know how she ended the sentence probably yeehaw that's racist that used to call it's white on white that's allowed used to call her

used to call her mental lois who's this the woman who says smash me past you all the time yeah used to call her mental lois she's this? The woman who says Smash me pasty all the time? Yeah Used to call her Mental Lois She loved having food

Rubbed in her face during sex Oh that's the dream Absolute filth bag That's the dream that though What? Like being able to rub A little bit of food In your bird's face

While you're banging What do you mean? Just like Well food's a turn on it We were meant to laugh at that Because it was weird Not be like Yeah great Great suggestion Food's a turn on it We were meant to laugh at that Because it was weird Not be like Yeah great

Great suggestion Food's a turn on that What? Not What food? What food? What food? What food?

But like If Jane Wasn't vegan She was like Shove that leg of lamb In me face Pigs in blankets Like She was like shoved that leg of lamb in my face Pigs in blankets Yeah, if Jade let me brush her teeth

with the leg of lamb while I was banging her I wouldn't last a minute I'd love a vanilla slice just between Laura's breasts. A McFlurry. Just like feeding me a McFlurry while she's sucking me dick. You can't tell... You can't tell... It'd be awkward for the kid working on the drive-thru.

You can't tell me that a McFlurry wouldn't employ you in a blowjob. You can't tell me That a McFlurry Wouldn't improve a blowjob You can't You cannot tell me That a McFlurry Would not improve a blowjob But who'd finish first That's the thing innit You'd just be finishing And doing that annoying like

You know in the spoon Scraping round the bottom Of the cardboard little pot Come on babe I've finished the fucking McFlurry. We'll get two McFlurries then. Even better. Oh, God, that's funny.

She could have a McFlurry as well and put the ice cream in her mouth while she's doing it and make it all cold and nice. Do you reckon on that? What? Like, your missus get an ice cream in her mouth while she's giving you a blowy. Well, actually, now you're starting to make sense, but... But...

Ice cubes, maybe? Ice cubes? No, just ice cream. She's got a tasty treat. Have you ever spilled milkshake in your car? Honestly, do that in the mid-summer and don't clean it properly. Smells fucking rank. Could you imagine getting

milkshake in your piobs? Yeah. someone don't clean it properly smells fucking rank could you imagine getting like milkshaking your piobs yeah yeah you laughed as little as that as my nearly proving myself story like yeah yeah i've proved myself loads done it's not funny what about what about milkshaking your pubes yeah again that's my life every day this isn't comedy it's my life i i have got ice creamaking your pubes? Yeah, again. That's my life. Every day. This isn't comedy. It's my life. I have got ice cream in my pubes before. I swear to God, I was hungover. I was going through a breakup.

And I was in bed, naked, eating Ben & Jerry's. That's the worst image I've ever had. I'm going to try and make that image for the fucking new episode announcement. Yeah, so I dribbled some Ben & Jerry's ice cream and I coughed or something and it just went all over me, like my chest hair and my pubic region. I was going through a break of thoughts now,

so it was there for a few days. I didn't get a shower or anything. Oh, God. None of that's true. Thank God. Thank God. get a shower or anything oh god none of that's true oh god thank god thank god all right lids uh don't have a would you rather but after dave mentioned just one sec just go back a sec because is this another email yeah oh because it just sounded like you were talking for a sec oh i saw it i thought you were just for a second. Oh, I saw it. I thought you were just going,

in the middle of an hour-long conversation, I thought you'd just started again by going, hello, Adam. Everyone's just started calling us lids. All right, lids, don't have a would you rather. But after Dave mentioned Lois Griffin and Summer from Rick and Morty, it made my head go on a mad old wonder, and I thought I'd ask you to.

If you could live... Oh, I love this one. I've just remembered which one this is. If you could live in any cartoon universe, which one would it be? That's from Matty in Devon. What are you ficking doing? You fake. Dragon Ball Z.

What? Do one that grown-ups know. Dragon Ball Z is amazing. What's Dragon Ball Z? It's a manga cartoon From like a Japanese one Where they've got powers and they fight all the time And you can shoot balls of energy at each other Yeah but you're just Adam Rowe in it

No So you're just Adam Rowe Fucking With milkshake in your pubes walking around Dragon Ball Z What's your power when they're all throwing fireballs fucking... Nah. With milkshake in your pubes walking around Dragon Ball Z. What's your power when they're all throwing fireballs? You've got, like, lactose intolerant piobs. No, like,

if I'm living... So, you're just living in it as yourself. That's a bit boring, innit? No, that's you. You know, it's already magical. You don't get to just add powers. Why? But everyone in the Dragon Ball Z universe has got the powers Well it's a shit universe to pick then isn't it?

I'll be in the Simpsons Is that where you'd be? Oh I think so I think I'd go to Springfield Not South Park because it looks cold And Rick and Morty looks dangerous Because they go through different adventures And I might not be welcome on them

And that's half the fun. I think Springfield. I think that's going to be a popular choice, yeah. I don't really know. I think my favourite cartoon is Family Guy. Family Guy is better than The Simpsons for me. Certainly Quahog. You going Quahog?

I'm going Quahog, I think, yeah. Do you like that? That's my Peter Griffin laugh Really good This is better Instead of starting it Alright lads Right now

This guy's I read to the end He's from Scotland So I'm tempted to read I'm just going to read it properly Word up your ball bags Your podcast is fucking tremendous I've listened to so many episodes just going to read it properly. Word up your ball bags your podcast is fucking tremendous I've listened to so many episodes in the last two weeks

that it feels like I'm hearing voices in my head and those voices are mad as fuck love it. Question if shite goes west and the zombies come which cannae be fucking far off what household item are you going to be using

as a weapon to take off the head I am Scottish by the way that's from Darren so we get one item zombie apocalypse happens it could be the next stage of corona yeah

you're not prepped because there's lockdown you've not been to buy weapons you're not allowed in the shed you lockdown. You've not been to buy weapons. You're not allowed in the shed. You've lost the key to the shed. My chainsaw and all the garden tools are locked in the shed. I've got an axe under my bed. What?

I've got an axe under my bed. So I'm sorted. What do you mean? I've got an axe under my bed in case we ever get broken into. Literally, I know you're saying words but I don't understand what you're saying I've got an axe, a big fuck off chopper tree down axe under my bed why have you got an axe under your bed?

just in case innit, you never know you never know who's coming at 2 o'clock in the morning yeah, someone breaks in and then you do fucking 15 years for manslaughter no I wouldn't kill them I'd just like chop his foot off or something

I'm not a lunatic Dan you haven't got the dexterities to stop ice cream going in your pubes you're not going to be able to like cleanly chop off his fucking leg hey

her legs are warning the thing is though if you run at someone with an axe you probably don't even need to use it do you because they'll shit themselves like fucking hell he someone with an axe You probably don't even need to use it Do you? Because they'll shit themselves Like fucking hell he's got an axe But it'd be dark

He wouldn't see anything He'd just be hacking away At your own flat I don't sleep in the dark We have the lights on I'm scared of the dark Mate There's so much bullshit

Coming out of your mouth It's un-fucking-lievable Yeah We sleep with all the lights on Laura asked With the telly on, so fucking rough, Laura asked for a baseball bat for security. And so I got a cheap one off eBay.

It was quite good, just spent a tenner, aluminium. I mean, if you leathered someone around the temple, if you really had a Babe Ruth at them, it'd be the end of them. One night, for I don't know what reason i had left the bins out or the bins hadn't been put out something like that i got back no one put the bins out so i got back from my gig it's been day the next day i start moving the bins that noise obviously wakes her so i walk in the house she thinks i'm an intruder you know when you're in a dream

and you're like oh god and she heard bins and she's like oh someone's breaking in she came round someone's breaking in but they're putting the bins out

for us first she had her hands out she had her hands out I tell you what he's a burglar but he loves recycling he's an eco-friendly scumbag she had her hands out like,

as if you were passing someone a loaf of bread. Like in horror, like, ah! Like if you're passing someone... I've never seen anything like it. She came around, she was like, who are, who are, who are? Like a Christian passing the Pope their baby. Take my child. I mean, it's me, you fucking idiot.

What are you doing she's like oh god I didn't know I heard someone move in the bins I was like what

what I was like where's the fucking baseball bat she's like oh I forgot it so what what are you gonna do

just fucking wrist them to death like like take me tie me up it's pathetic I've bought a

I've bought a baseball bat as well I've got a baseball bat and an axe and Jade says they're both stupid right she says they're bad weapons

so what would you use then Darren's asked you can't you can't you can't use the actual weapons household item I mean

you're tempted to just go in the kitchen and just fucking get a big old knife in it, but... Then you've got to get close enough to stab them? No. Like, if I was going to... I'd use a chair before I use a knife. You and lions, mate.

You love it, don't you? The fucking lion... The zombie lion tamer. Yeah, but, like, if you're... Let's say you're a zombie and you're running at me with a knife and I've got a chair, it's over for you, innit?

Because I'm going to wrap this chair around your head and then take your knife off you and stab you in the arse. Right, one, zombies don't have knives. Two, have you not watched

any fucking wrestling? Zombies don't have knives as if there's like a rule. Am I wrong? When have you ever seen a zombie with a tool? When have you ever seen a zombie with a tool? When have you ever seen a zombie? No, I know.

The Walking Dead's not a fucking documentary, you know. Smack heads like... They do have knives, exactly. Yeah, I really feel like... I feel like having an axe under my... It's the kind of thing I want to take the piss out... When I bought that chainsaw, and I was like, it's definitely for the hedge, it did make me feel quite safe yeah of course it does it's not for the fucking hedge come on we're all friends here it's outside it's locked up

if someone's trying to break in i'd have to why is it why is it i'd have to literally go past them to go excuse me mate i'm just going to get past you to the outhouse to get the chains because i don't know if you know much about three-year-olds, but keeping chainsaws in the house, not traditionally a good idea. Yeah, but you've got your own little prison cell bedroom now. You could keep it in there. Bring the chainsaw upstairs. Actually, that is a phenomenal idea. Like, you can't have a chainsaw in the outhouse.

You can't. You've got to have that ready. Would be good, though. I'm not saying I want to do this to a person But if they were a zombie It would be good to see if it just You'd love to do it I'd take a fucking head off with me axe mate No sympathy gone

How many I was really good at Resident Evil 4 So I've been training for this anyway How many This is a genuine question I'm just I'm not having a massive go because I'm not the fit

I just had to do a 6 minute poo jog this morning I'm not the fittest person in the world but in a zombie apocalypse say there's a lot of them coming one by one

how many full swings of the axe do you think you could manage before you had an asthma attack ooh like it's gotta be pretty knackering, hasn't it? Like, zombies just keep coming. I reckon...

Oh, God, another, like... I reckon after three or four hundred, I reckon I'll be goosed. 300, 400, somewhere... It depends on, like, what I've done that day. Do you know what I mean? You'd be... You'd be fucked at six.

You'd be like... 600? No, but I mean you'd be fucked at 6 you'd be like 600 no but I mean like I might be able to hit 600 if I've been chilling all day but if I've been like tired in the open like if we've done the podcast and that

and I'm feeling a bit tired then it might be close to 300 but like if I've had a chill day I reckon I'll take the fucking lot of them out mate

come at me bro it's over for the lot of yous. Mate, considering you've had very little fucking sleep in the last 24 hours, you're super confident. You're like, I'm going Dragon Ball Z. I'm fucking throwing fire, and I'll do 700 zombies in me fucking boxes. Do you know the record? If you ever get, like, burgled, one of the best ways to get rid of a burglar

is to run at them naked while masturbating. I swear to God. That's what they say. It's like, who's they? Who's they? The government. The government. That'd be an awkward fucking press conference with Bojo.

Now is the time. You know, if there's an intruder and a zombie, COVID-19 zombies, get the old little Bojo out and just give him a little... No, because zombies aren't as arsed about wanking, but, like, human burglars, if you get burgled, you're supposed to just run at them furiously masturbating

and just, like, screaming. So you're like, Ah! Ah! While, like, having a tug. And apparently it just discombobulates people so much that most of them

just fucking run away. Really? No one wants a TV enough to get cummed on. It was like it was your family motto. It was like it was your family motto. It's like it's been a passed down generation of generation of row.

Hey, remember lad, keep an axe under the bed, keep the fucking milkshake out your pubs and no one wants a TV enough to get jizzed on. Good night, little lad. Good night. Good night, little Adam. Good night. Good night, babe.

Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me I'm wrong. That is the title of the episode. Right, we've got some juice to deal with. I know what's coming. We've got some juice. I think we have a word from our sponsors and then we crack on to today's Have a Word.

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18 plus, no ID, no entry and we operate a challenge 25 door policy. What up? For when you need a laugh post-apocalypse, choose voxhallcomedy. So, it's time for Have A Word with Adam and Dan send us all the problems that you have with your friends.

Okay. I've rocked it up a bit. You're getting bored of your own singing. Just a bit. Shouts out before we start. Everyone who's been supporting us so far over the past couple of weeks. It's been amazing, to be honest with you. We've got a few sponsors that have come in. Big shout out to BF52 Voxel Comedy Club. We've got a new sponsor starting in the next couple of weeks it's uh it's been amazing to be honest with you we've got a few sponsors that have come in big shout out to bf52 voxel comedy club we've got a new sponsor starting in the next couple

of days and everyone who signed up to the patreon i just want to do it i i know it can get a bit boring this but we we need to let you know how much we appreciate everyone getting involved and making this happen for us we are very grateful thank you very much it's getting to the point now where we're looking into the future going because obviously we were a weekly podcast and we were doing we've basically done this because we made a promise to do shut down dailies and the way our listeners have have kicked off this patreon we're looking forward going oh we're never going to go back to just one episode a week we're going to make it so the patreon funds way more regular content better content going to develop the

youtube stuff and it's seriously exciting yeah well some lad messaged me on twitter the other day and said it like we've we've been getting quite a lot of messages people saying like we're helping them get through this awful time which is just a ridiculous notion to us but if we are helping you then you know it's amazing but it's just such an alien concept um thank you for messages like that they do mean a lot and some lab was like i'm gonna be gutted when you go back to one a week i think we can say with absolute 100 certainty right now we're never going back to one a week it's just not gonna happen yeah i think the main thing is for us we keep the quality of the podcasts high and that it's it's fun and i think part of that is the reason this is so simple

for us because we just basically get together and try and make each other laugh if that ever starts waning and obviously we've we've for now this is what we're doing we've got to do this but i would never want to do it to the point where we we lost a little bit of spark between us i just never want to lose that magic adam no I need it to stay the same it needs to stay the same and if you're hearing the Patreon stuff and to reiterate this

if you're hearing the Patreon stuff going guys I'm so skinned and I'm sorry I can't that's alright that's honestly alright if you're skinned if you've lost work

we've lost work we get it enjoy the podcast tell a friend spread the word we don't want your money we're not blagging you. Yeah.

If you can't afford it, we actually do not want your money. We're actively discouraging you. If you're in a situation where you're a bit skimped, we don't want it. But the people who've got a bit of money and have been able to send it our way,

you're keeping us fucking afloat at the minute. And it's fucking amazing that this podcast has done that for us. And what we can offer in return is really serious advice for your relationship problems. And here's an example of that. So we've got a...

Just before we start, Adam, are we going to read the names out? Because I know where this is going. And are we actually going to read the full names out? Yes, we are. Oh, you're giving me a little... And are we actually going to read the full names out? Yes, we are. Oh, you're giving me little, honestly, I'm getting little sweaty milkshake balls. So there's a lot to unpack in this.

So what I'm going to do is I'll read it fully through once, and then we'll go back and unpack each paragraph as we can. So. Sexy. Sexy.xy Alright boys Coronavirus has got its first Relationship Casualty

Oh Gee Gee I'm done with me missus And she's done with me To be fair It's been looking rocky for a while And I don't think we can totally lay the blame

At the hands of this shit I think he means the virus there we're still living together until this whole thing blows over which is going to be a nightmare but it is what it is anyway for my birthday in january she booked me a holiday to the maldives dream shit the holiday is booked for next year so hopefully by then the flights are back on etc She's now saying that either I still have to go with her on the holiday, or just let her have the holiday to take and mate with her. Basically, she bought the holiday for both of us, and she's not given up her half of it, because that part wasn't my present.

I think this is bullshit. The whole holiday is the present, isn't it? It's going to be hard enough living with her for the next six months. Never mind having to go on a dream holiday with her after it's all calmed down. Have a word with her, please, lads. Tell her to stop being a spiteful twat.

She doesn't know. Don't read the names. Don't read the names. You're making me nervous. I'm getting sweaty balls. She doesn't know I'm asking you to get involved in this this but she listens every day so she'll defo hear it i'd usually say don't name me or hair but fuck her her name is amy harrington and my name is robert mitchell nice one boys p.s tell pam from episode 19 to email me. What a lovely parting shot,

just as he completely puts the last nail in his coffin of his relationship. He's like, what about Pam on the DMs? Do you know what I love? Before we start unpacking it, the fact that he has done this, it's like, this is basically like a relationship podcast grenade. He's taken the pin out, licked the grenade,

and thrown it in his own flat or house and gone. Pow. He can't. This could go so toxic because of this email. And I'm so glad he did it because it's entertaining. But he's basically, what if they're like, the shutdown is for the next year.

Buckle up, everyone. We'll get through this together. He's going to be like, fuck, maybe shouldn't have emailed Adam and Dan. I fucking love it, to be honest with you. I think we are allowed to revel in this shit. Oh, I'm reveling. To lose a relationship that they live together.

To lose that. By the way, we're only like 10 days into lockdown, by the way. It feels like it's been about six months already. It might be

actually six months, which is going to feel like a decade. And he's got to still live with this woman. And she's got to still live with him. This is quite one-sided.

So we don't know what he's said. Like, for someone to be that fucking spiteful and go, no, you're not having your bertiality, I'm either coming with you or I'm going with one of the fucking girls. He might have said something fucking awful, yeah. Do you know what I mean? We don't know what

the argument, we don't know what the straw that broke the camel's back was, we don't know what he said, what she said. Well, it was on the ropes, wasn't it? It was on the ropes already. Tricky spot when you get put in a shutdown apparently the government actually spoke about this and were like you've got to make a decision because you do have to lock down so if you're on the ropes a little bit maybe you need to decide if you're going to leave it or just get moved back to your parents like because they were

like you can't in three weeks change your mind and go and move because that's not going to be allowed because we're on a shutdown. So basically the government are basically saying to everyone in the country, if it's complicated, make a decision. Yeah. Buckle up and get in or walk away. Amy Harrington and Robert Mitchell are essentially in a cage match at WrestleMania and they're punching fuck out of each other. And I don't know where Boris Johnson and

Dominic Cummings have come in with a fucking chair each and knocked the parents out. You're staying in a cage! Oh, that's so bad. If things got, like, you and Laura are in a great place. You get on really well. You love each other and especially now that you've got

your own bedrooms. If things went sour and you and Laura had an absolute nightmare and broke up, do you think you could survive six months with her? Do you think you could live with an ex for six months? I'm telling you right now, I've worked all of my adult life to fucking get out of debt, to get in debt, get out of debt.

I've bought this house. It's at the top end of what we can afford. And I'm going to be working until I'm 68 to pay it off. I'm telling you right now, I will never leave this house because of my broken... Have you only got a four-year mortgage? Hey! Good jokes, I do. I'm telling you right now, no divorce will get me out of this house.

I've actually said this to Laura. As we signed the mortgage papers, I was like, just know babe that i even if you we end it i will just stay out of spite because i am never buying a shitty little house because we had a fallout i'm never doing the mortgage process again i will literally be that bitter old twat you know i'm doing it right now i'm living in my prison cell i've got the office i've got the podcast studio and a little trundle bed that's meant for fucking cousins that stay over and now it's my actual place i'll do that for as long as i can waiting for her to meet someone cheat on me and then balls in my court all shit to be fair i was just about to say all we have to do is just keep the internet nice and fast but she could end the whole thing by just like cutting the internet off and i'd be like i'd be off down the fucking

street yeah no i will never leave i mean that i mean not just because laura is brilliant i'm telling you right now i will be that angry miserable shit that stays just to prove a point but if you're a you if you're not married and you've not got a kid and you genuinely were on the rocks all you want to do is be like papa i'm gonna fuck off and now you can't no i'm gonna go stay at my mom's well don't because you might kill them yeah i think i'd stay i was a spice as well i i like i've got to be honest with you like i slag jade off a lot on this. And Jade, when she's in a mood, if we're having a big row, can be,

and I don't use this word lightly, a cunt. But so can I. I've been a fucking... I think everyone gets that feeling. I've been a fucking bellend in the past. We had murder one night, and she was being an absolute arsehole. And she'd caused the murder. She'd caused the problem. And the the next day she apologised for it all

but she was like I'm going to bed, I'll talk to you tomorrow and I was like no, I've told you on this podcast I need closure, I need closure before I'm not going to sleep, so what I did was You're that guy that never leaves it like a dog with a bone I put Spotify on the telly and I blasted the Oasis album, definitely maybe because she

hates Oasis as loud as I could 3 o'clock in the fucking morning I was like either come and talk to me sort it out or try and get a sleep with

maybe I don't really want to know you annoying bellend can I just say did you do that in the living room

being like after an argument and you've left Jade upstairs with the axe under the bed this is when we lived in a flat all right was this pre-axe yeah because that's a dangerous game being that annoying a fucking partner in it with all the weaponry under where she's trying to sleep

like oh i'm gonna fucking kill him oh yeah i'm absolutely not proud of doing that but yeah if if we got into this similar argument, what Amy and Robert are in, there's no way. If she'd bought me a holiday for my birthday, she is not going on that holiday. I'm telling you that right now. I'll ruin it. Because what I would do is,

do you know what I would do? I would call in a bomb threat. Because I don't want to go with her, but I wouldn't be letting her go with her mate either So I'd be like yeah we'll go together And then I'll call a bomb threat To 18 months in prison just to prove a point Oh 100%

In all seriousness though What are you in for? Murder What are you in for? A false bomb threat on me beard Couldn't go to Benidorm Basically being a twat I really mean this If you are breaking up with someone Bombs that tell me Baird couldn't go to fucking Benidorm. Fightfulness. Basically being a twat. I really mean this.

If you are breaking up with someone, just think post-shutdown. What's he called? Robert. Robert. Robert. Just think post-shutdown. It's going to be...

Say we're going on my estimate that we're allowed out out of the bunker by the end of June. That's what? That's like three, two and a half, three months away.

You're going to be hating each other by then. Like, you'll have made up a little bit, and then, no, actually, it's a fucking nightmare. You'll be so done with each other. When's the holiday to the Maldives? Like, say, what, 12 months away? It's got to be at least January next year. Who the fuck wants to?

By then, you'll be seeing someone else. Like, I'm going as well. No, my name's on the ticket, so I'm going. Could you imagine passing that off to your new bird? Like, she's like, oh, we're just going so well, Robert, aren't we? And I know you're ex, and you don't get along. Where are you going in a couple of weeks? The Maldives to fucking...

To win an argument? The thing is, though... It's not going to be all right. Just let it go. Let the holiday and... No! Go... No! Go... No, fuck off.

You're wrong. You're so wrong on this. So you're telling me Robert's got to give up his birthday present? Yeah, man. No, he hasn't. Do you know what? Forget, like... Obviously, the bomb threat's a bit jokey.

I wouldn't actually call a bomb threat in. But you know what I'd do? Let's say it is January, February, March next year, and Robert is seeing someone else, right? I'd still... If I was him, I'd say to my new babe, look, my ex is a fucking nightmare. She's being a cunt with this. She said either I go on the holiday with her

or she's taking one of her mates. Now, I'm not having either of those things happen, but what I'm going to do is I'm going to turn up at the airport with her, and then I'm going to rip my ticket up. That's what I'd do. I'd go to the airport with my ex and go, yeah, let's just go on the holiday, and then rip it up and say, go on, fucking go on your own.

Yeah. I'd make her go on her own. How nice would that be? Two weeks in the Maldives on your own? To every parent that's in shutdown right now. That was essentially like podcast audio porn. Like, oh God, that sounds good. Keep talking, Adam. Would there be anything to do?

I know it's not a massive punishment. I know being in the Maldives on your own is still going to be great for Amy, but it's not going to be as... She doesn't want that, does she? She wants to take one of her mates. I've just taken that little edge off. I just need a little victory myself. So, Robert...

Amy, I'm speaking to Amy now. She's listening. I'm on your side here a bit, mate. She's not fucking dumb. She's being a cunt She's paid for the holiday They're not getting on It was a gift

Mate who's got the receipt for that gift Doesn't matter Amy His new bird There is still in the relationship But when he sees some other girl She can fucking deal with him and you can go on holiday with your mates.

It's going to happen. She knows. Amy knows. She's listening to this going, nice one, no bad. Just keep going. So you're telling me, you're telling me right now.

She's locked down the puss. Right. So if Laura, for your birthday, let's say your birthday was January like Robert's, yeah? And Laura bought you a pair of trainees, brand new pair of trainees. Adam, it's not the same. She can't wear the trainees with the best mate, can she?

What if she bought you tickets to see, I don't know, fucking... Hamilton. Wu-Tang Clan. All I think of is Chinese food now when you say Wu-Tang. What if she bought you a fucking voucher for some Chinese takeaway from Wu-Tang. What if she bought you a fucking voucher for some Chinese takeaway

from Wu-Tang Scram? And then we split up. You can't possibly. I'm fuming here. You can't tell me you're on Amy's side because she's definitely being the knobhead.

I am, mate. Nah, she's not, mate. He's being annoyed. He's so annoyed that he's emailing the podcast to be like, oh, God.

Amy. Amy's just sat listening to this and she's like, he's emailing the podcast to be like, oh, guys, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Amy. Amy's just sat listening to this, and she's like, he's like, put it on Spotify, and I'm going to get my own back. Listen to Adam and Dan. And she's just sat there looking at him going, what a bellend. Don't worry about it. I'll be in the Maldives. I'll send you some selfies of my tits going,

I'm going to get thick tonight. I'm going to get dick thick in the Maldives. You're full of shit, Daniel. No, I'm just seeing it from the other side. I can't believe you're on her side. I just, yeah. This might be the end of the podcast. I can't carry on. He's genuinely upset. I can't carry on.

I thought this was a slam dunk. I thought we were both going to be on Robert's side. I thought we were going to give him Pam's real name and email. Get him to slide into Pam's DMs. But Robert fucking Robert's side. I thought we were going to give him Pam's real name and email. Get him to slide into Pam's DMs. But for Robert... Fucking Pam's stuck. For Robert's point of view,

mate, if she's a nightmare, just let her go. Let her go. Let her go to the Maldives. Let her get out of your life. What are you trying to hang on to half a ticket for? Your bell end.

Well, today's song that we're going to play in a minute is called Don't Let Go. And Adam is really holding that end up. Yeah, I'm very on point with today's song. I love your conviction on it. I mean, I've worked quite... I've worked with you in three months, and just out of nowhere, Adam will message me going,

right, I've been thinking this, and we're going to do this, and I'm like, out of nowhere, Adam will message me going, right, I've been thinking this and we're going to do this. And I'm like, oh fuck, Adam's on it. Right. Okay. Shit.

Adam's on a coffee. I love how much you commit to everything. And you're like, no, we're doing it like this. And I'm like, shit, Adam's right.

Fucking hell. Yeah, we're doing it. And even on this, which is a hypothetical that does not in, it's literally not going to affect you in any way. You sat there and no one can see this. Your shoulders slumped like,

fucking hell, Dan. I'm really... I just... I thought you'd be with me on this one. I did think you'd be with me. It's not real, Adam. It's not your life. But it could be.

It could be. If Jade bought me something for my birthday and then wanted it back because we broke up, I'd be fucking fuming. Yeah, it is a bit annoying, but it's just, who wants to go on a holiday with a crazy angry...

Just imagine your ex-girlfriend right now. He doesn't have to go. He just has to ruin it for her. That's all I want. I'm not saying he should go. I'm not suggesting that for a minute. That's a fucking nightmare to go on a holiday with her,

but ruin it. Fucking ruin it for her. Right, by the way, if this randomly, this podcast ends without any final episode and it just stops and you never hear

another word from Have A Word, it's because Adam's lost his fucking mind in an argument and thrown the podcast studio mixer in the bin and deleted all the Patreon and Podbean

and been like, yeah, great. And now no one gets to podcast. All right. Oh, fucking amazing Yeah who wants to go on holiday with a crazy bitch I just want to go to the movies on my own We're going to have to do another Twitter poll For this one lad

Because we're divided This is a have a way but it's also a domestic dispute It's a hung jury Yeah First time anyone's ever described you as hung in it This is a have-away, but it's also a domestic dispute, isn't it? And it's a hung jury. Yeah. First time anyone's ever described you as hung, innit? You tiny dick motherfucker. Don't get angry, Adam.

Don't get angry. Just because you're on Robert's side, don't take it out on me. Claire and I, it's fine. We know what we're doing. Robert, come and live with us, lads. We'll have you. You don't have to live with that fucking cunt. Oh my god.

Adam! You always get to the end of the podcast and go ridiculously angry. This is the every time now. You start singing, start the features, la la la la. By the end you're like, fuck you, fuck you, I'm on your side. You emailed, I'm your mate. Easy, Tiger, easy.

Fucking hell, someone's got some Haagen-Dazs in his pubes, haven't they? That can't become a new phrase. The equivalent of knickers in a twist. Adam's got his Haagen-Dazs in his pubes. My good grief. Right, we're going to have to do a Twitter poll on that one, aren't we?

Twitter poll it up. Yeah. I'll lose. I'll lose all the Twitter polls. Well, shouldn't that mean you change your personality or something? Cheers, mate. Oh, my God. Have you been to the Maldives?

Fucking hell. Sounds good, though, doesn't it? No, have I? I went to Corfu on my honeymoon. That's how cheap we are. Laura was like, well like well I know it'd be lovely to do a dream holiday I was like I know but Greek islands are a lot more affordable up until two years ago I'd actually never been abroad

apart from once when I was too young to remember my first holiday was I went to Berlin twice what? and Tenerife oh and Dubai weird trip To Berlin twice. What? And Tenerife. Oh, and Dubai. Weird trip.

What was the very first foreign trip you went on? Not the one when you were a kid. Berlin. Berlin with Carl for four days. Amazing. We went Monday to Thursday in January and there was fuck all happening. Like most people go to like Berlin because it's got like the the oh what's the the

super club called but it's open from like thursday night till monday morning that's literally all the time that you weren't there yeah yeah but it's like you you have to queue up for hours and the doorman just decide yes or no whether you get to go in like it's very it's it's hard to get into that's what people go to berlin for like once. Like, we're going to the Super Club this weekend. Yes, we are. Oh, you think darkness is your afterlife? You merely adopted the dark. I was born in it.

Molded by it. Get your dick out. Suck my face. We just went round and took pictures of war memorials. Two 25-year-old lads just going round going, that's a nice building, isn't it? Mate, a lot of people go,

fly to Germany for Oktoberfest. Adam and Carl went for dry January. Dry January. That's the 3rd of January. We went on a nana's holiday, essentially. Oh, it's nice though when you're with your bezo, isn't it? Yeah, it was fun. It was good. and then i went to tennessee for jade then went back to berlin for paul smith stag do nice um which was oh i don't think i've told you this time no of course we were fucking 18 lads from liverpool they take one look at us and go that is not our clientele

nine um we um oh can I tell this story? I suppose I can. It's come up, hasn't it? It's natural. Can you definitely? I think so. I mean, everyone knows it anyway. Oh, okay.

We were there. There was about 12, I don't know how many, let's say there was 12 of us and two of the lads, one of which is the owner of a well-known comedy club and the other lad is a part-time comedian they got very very very drunk one day to the point to the point where we just sort of shepherded them back to the hotel dropped them off and then we all went and carried

on the rest of our night thinking they'll just pass out and go sleep they're fucking hammered they have been since like midday and we can just have the rest of the night um we were there until we were in the pub until like midnight like oh thank god we dropped those two off they were they were fucking hammered we wouldn't have got in anywhere with them we'll be just like yeah yeah then we checked the whatsapp group and uh they'd both woken back up somehow contacted each other in the hotel um but not in the WhatsApp group. They'd met up they'd got a fire extinguisher took it off the wall and sprayed it all over the halls of the hotel

and evacuated a 2,000 person hotel. Four police cars, five fire engines turned up. The whole hotel is on the streets of Berlin and they sent us a selfie video going, look what the fuck we've done here and we thought we're going to get fucking deported. We're going to get kicked out the hotel and deported out the country.

They got away with it because there's no cameras in the hallways of German hotels. God almighty. I'll send you a photo in a minute of one of the lads stood in the hallway with his shoes in his hand and a fire extinguisher spraying it all over the hall. And this is part of the reason why the rest of Europe is thinking, Brexit might not be the worst thing ever, you know? I think it might be alright. I think there's parts of Europe, like Berlin, and like Ibiza and that though,

who are like, we need the Brits. Ibiza, without British people, is fucking scagness, innit? No, no, it's like a Spanish island used to be, bro. Have we got, what tunage have

we got to... Should we call that a pod then? Is that what we're doing? Let's. Let's. Okay.

So, thanks again to our sponsors, BF52.com and Vauxhall Comedy Club. Please do go and check them out. And if you could, if you just don't mind, go and follow Vauxhall Comedy Club specifically, especially on Twitter,

but they're also on Instagram and Facebook as well. Just give them a follow and let them know that we're the ones who sent you. It lets them know that our supporters are supporting them, which means they'll keep sponsoring us, which keeps the podcast going. So please go and do that. Looking forward to...

Oh, yeah, we're doing Vauxhall comedy club in london as a part of the tour that will be our live our live london show yeah definitely um so today's featured band is called the 48ks now their song is called don't let go and it's a proper proper tune to be honest i really like this one and also this band is based in the spiritual home of Have A Weird Podcast. They're from Doncaster. Oh! I wonder if they'll come and play the show.

Of course they will. Yes, they will. I reckon if we ask them, because we're going to be doing it on a random day where they've got nothing better to do. Oh, mate. Yeah. Monday at the Doncaster Dome.

So, playing us out today with their song Don't Let Go is the brilliant band The 48Ks we'll see you tomorrow thanks for listening as always see you tomorrow bye guys

don't feel so sad now honey we've come so far so soon I know we've got no money, but what I've got I'll give to you I owe you more than you will know, and if we plant these seeds they'll grow, they'll grow, they'll grow Don't feel so sad now, lady We've come so far so soon You know you're the one that saved me And what I've got I'll give to you The road was dark and it was long

But we can see where we've come from Come from, come from, come from. The wrong time and place, the right lights and haze. Separate the right from wrong, it's time to sing a different song. Hold me close now baby, don't let go. Don't let go. Time for us to start a different show Hold me close now baby, don't let go Time for us to start a different show

You know I never buy you flowers The scent still burns my eyes You know that we can talk for hours Until the sunshine blinds the night And what we do is up to us No gossip, stress or fuss Or fuss Or fuss No gossip, stress or fuss, or fuss, or fuss.

The wrong time and place. The right lines in haste. Separate the right from wrong. It's time to sing a different song. Hold me close now, baby, don't let go. Don't let go Time for us to start a different show Different show

Hold me close now baby, don't let go Don't let go Time for us to start a different show. The wrong time and place The right lines in place Separate the right from wrong It's time to sing a different song Hold me close now baby Don't let go

Don't let go Time for us to start a different show We'll see you next time. Bye.