Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #210 with Daniel Sloss - Have A Word w/Adam & Dan

Episode Date: February 6, 2023

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Enjoy the episode. It's going to be a belter. Now, I'm getting the word nuts. Oh, you think darkness is your ally. Cha! Upset me, nasty bitch. The star style. Darkness is your ally. Cha! Upset me, nasty bitch! Disgusting! Wag wag leads, you're listening to the funniest podcast in the game

with Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn. Shut up, Finn. You good-looking, big-fingered Welsh weirdo. This is the one and only, the now infamous, the soon-to-be legendary. Have a word. Go, Ed. Get on me. Gotta get saved, I'm sized. Religious purposes?

No, cock purposes. Yeah, no, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He is late in life Jewish. What? What? Since? Went to doctors this morning. Shut up. Got too much cock for me foreskin.

Yeah. Oh, God. That's what he said? That's what she said. Not verbatim, but cock. I can tell with me mouth. Of course I get circumcised. Yeah, I've got to get me fucking skin chopped off, mate.

Urgent. She told me it's a self-refair. There's a fella called Peter who works in Egbert. And I've got to do... called Peter who works in Egberth. Genuinely, she said there's a fella called Peter who works down in Egberth. He does self-referrals, so you can just ring him. Are you weighing it up? Right.

Is he a rabbi? Peter Rabbi. Peter Rabbi. It's a different cartoon isn't it have you decided yeah you're getting a I've got to

it's never going to be the same again no sex is never going to be the same again why what if you lose sensitivity

you lose loads of sensitivity do you yeah I tell you when you gain sensitivity when they've chopped your dick off

and sewn it back up that's when it'll gain a lot of sensitivity for about four to eight weeks. My foreskin's dead tight. Yeah, that's the thing, isn't it, though? We know someone who's got that as well. He got the chop, didn't he? Who?

Josh. Did he? Yeah. All right, cool. Yeah, me helmet's just massive. Again, did she use the word helmet? So I told her what's been going on. I've been getting a bit of pain when I pull my skin back.

And it just feels dead tight. During sex or just to have a look? Hello! Bit during sex and also when I'm washing it. You know when you wash your car? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, mine's ready to wash. So I told her and I felt like she was being quite rude.

Because she was going, yeah, yeah, yeah. And gagging. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And then she had a look and she went yeah I knew what it would be she went what's happened is

you've got a really tight foreskin so every time you pull it back it's stretching it and then the stretch is cracking it and then the crack is like oh I've done that and that hurts like a motherfucker but mine loosened again

she went so and then the crack like when you're pissing you're stinging it because the piss is going through the it hurts so much doesn't it yeah and she went you can just

use so she gave me a cream she was like this cream will help and if you use like a lot of lube when you're having sex and stuff which she does that'll help

you know women are normally dripping for me you know what I mean so you know what I mean I do because you keep telling me

she said you can moisturise she went but the most people that's why you've can moisturise your... Most people... That's why you've been moisturising your cock. No, but, I mean, yeah. Do you reckon they're related?

No. Right. I was, yeah, I was sort of moisturising it because it's been a bit tight anyway. He's not. You're getting circumcised because he's got a dry cock, Carl. No, I am. Are you being used in anti-aging?

No, I am. What? I'm getting moisturised... I'm getting circumcised because I've got a dry cock. No, that's not... I mean, that maybe doesn't help, but your cock being dry is not... It's because it's enlarged, isn't it?

You've got not enough skin for your bellend. For me, fucking... But it's not just a fucking dry issue, is it? Adam, you might have been using anti-aging cream and it's made your skin more taut. He has been using anti-aging cream, I think, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My cock is white, mate.

It does say Asian. Oh, and if it was black, it wouldn't crack. Oh. Oh, unlucky. I know that hurts like a bitch that I've done that.

Like, didn't win it. Oh. Yeah. Because I, like, my health anxiety's been through the roof for the past, like, few days because I've been like,

what if I've got, like, something serious along with my cock? She was like, it's just too big, love. That's your problem. Elephantitis of the dick. Too big.

Don't speak to Peter. Do you know what was really unprofessional is when he whipped it out, she clapped. She was like, That was the dick hitting the floor.

Yeah, so I've got to get my hood cut off. They ask you if you want to keep it. Can you believe it? Some people fry want to keep it. Are you going to keep it? Some people fry it and eat it. Is it ironic that we came out to Where's the Hooda in the arena?

It's right here. Shall I get it and put it on the shelf? Yes. Next to Frankel's jizz. Have we got enough space? I haven't got a big foreskin, that's the problem. Oh yeah, of course. Please don't bring your foreskin in here, do you?

Please do. You want me to though? Absolutely. I don't want to see your pickled foreskin. Shareholders vote. Yay! And it goes on Carl's desk. The cock is in.

Did you look at Finn? You have no power here. Oh my boy when when what's the timeline when's peter free by the way i'm not having this yeah you're gonna need your doc your dick chopped off and when's that gonna be i don't know we'll give peter a bell there's his number like it sounds i want to go booper yeah for Mark. He's a real doctor. Yeah, no, he is. He's a private doctor in Egworth. Dr. P? Yeah. Is it a home visit?

I don't know. What? I haven't rang him yet. But apparently it's four weeks of no pussy and no wanking. Before or after? After. What do you mean, before? He's not a fighter.

How does Peter do this? you need to be revved up here kid come here ready four weeks no jizz with a podcast he's just running to Egbert right listen this is going to be bad I'm worried about you

right do you know like when someone gets cancer and all they make shave their head I am not not wanking I'm in yeah I'm in in no one can four weeks i'll get a circuit i'll get circum oh i already am no no no i think he meant solidarity yeah cool celibacy a team celibacy to help me through it yeah yeah right well i i think laura will agree. It's just whether I can hold firm. Four days is a lot.

Four weeks. Sorry? Four weeks. No, no, no, no, no. Come on, we can all do it. These are broken. Come on. Yeah, I'll do it, yeah.

If you all start slimming world of me. Okay. I genuinely need to. You'll start slimming world of me if I don't do the jizz for four weeks. I told you last week I'd come with you. You said no. Yeah, no, you're banned. Who was that? Thank you. week I'd come with you. You said no. Yeah, no, you're banned. Who was that?

That's a surprise, Bert. It's fear, mate. That's your dick burping. You'll be all right, lad. Don't worry. It'll look nicer anyway, won't it? Yeah. Surely it looks nicer. They do look nicer.

Like what? They do. That's the fucking wound bruiser. No. Oh, God. More dildos. Go on, off he goes for his dildo. Oh, do you reckon you can get a non-ombruiser no more dildos go on off he goes for his dildo

oh do you think you can get a non-circumcised dildo did you do that on purpose it looked like you literally picked it up

and knocked it off this is what my dick is going to look like this is what my dick is going to look like for the audio

listeners Adam has a realistic sized dick in his hands thanks to Lovehoney our new favourite sponsor

oh yeah we're sponsored by Lovehoney now yeah you'll see the sponsor later in the episode they know a realistic sized dick in his hands. Thanks to Love Honey, our new favourite sponsor. Oh yeah, we're sponsored by Love Honey now. Yeah, you'll see the sponsor list in the episode. Yeah, they know. Wow. Just, can we get this dildo off the fucking table? It's so heavy. Well, good luck to you.

And I, yeah, I've got health anxiety for you. No, I feel fine about it. I feel better. I feel like a weight's been lifted. It will be. And in a way it has. It's three pounds, huh?

Yeah, okay, cool. It's going to be tricky though, isn't it? Four weeks. What's the longest you've ever gone without some sort of spooge? Yeah. Yeah. I don't think there's a day I haven't come since I was like 12. four weeks what's the longest you've ever gone without some sort of spooge yeah yeah I don't think there's a day I haven't come

since I was like 12 try and have dirty dreams and jizz in them because then you're not doing a night double jeffery it's

there's nothing wrong with jizzing I think it's the friction yeah yeah right so that's hour six like if someone

could mind fuck me that would work that'd be fine you're allowed to mind fuck for the four weeks, but that's it. You don't even want to get a boner really. No. So, you know, in your like a wet dream, you still have an

erection, don't you? You need a cone. What? You need a cone like a dog. On the hands though. Like a Labrador who's had stitches in his ear. Come on. Come on, Jasper. You're not allowed to scratch that.

Call your cock off like it's on the motorway. It's the right thing to do. I mean, if the doctor said it is, yeah. Yeah. Shouldn't say anything that English said she recognised. Yeah, yeah.

Go down, see Pete in England. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sound. You'll recognise him. He's got a coat and boots. But it's white. Wow. sound you'll recognize him he's got a coat and boots but it's white wow well good luck send in any information or best wishes to have a word pod at gmail.com i'd like to know more about this without researching it on the internet can we research it via our listeners any adult circumcision stories, the email is now open.

Because my dad got circumcised at 19, and that's the reason I got circumcised when I was a kid, because he was like, I don't want my kid going through that. But he was a horny fucker. This is not what we've been talking about, but can I put a call out? Can you email in to haveawordpod at gmail.com

with the funniest nicknames of people you know in your life or went to school with and why they had that nickname we did it ages ago but we've got so many more listeners now I just think that could be really funny I know we're looking for more sort of things for people to write in about

if you can beat Peter Rabbi I'll be impressed yeah nicknames of people you went to school with people in your life now and the reason they've got that nickname. I think it'd be really funny if we read some of them off. So, good. You're dealing with it really well. Yeah.

Talking of slimming world, Carl. Mmm, smooth. You're looking very slim. I've lost, since last Tuesday when I started, I've lost six pounds. That's a pound off Arthur Stoltz. Just paying for the meeting. That's two of Adam's foreskins.

Because it's £5, actually. Oh, nice. £6 off. £6 off. Yeah, you can't get slimmer of the week, though, in your first week. Because you have to have had a loss a week before to win it. And I couldn't have had a loss last week.

Oh, on a Tekkers? They don't want the old... Because it's easier the first week, is it? Yeah, because you lose water weight and your body's changing that much that you can just... Do you know what you should have done? Should I?

Just lost a pound first week and then lost the seven the week after. Oh, yeah. Speaking as a former champ, that's the way you do it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Former champ. Real 2004.

If you're slimmer of the week. Everyone brings Scran in. Like, you can eat, like, good Scran. Put it in a basket and then the slimmer of the week wins the Scran basket. That's fucking stupid, isn Week. Everyone brings Scran in. Like, you can eat, like, good Scran. Put it in a basket, and then the Slimmer of the Week wins the Scran. That's fucking stupid, innit? Oh, well done on that. A basket of food?

Now go and eat all of this, you big fappage. It's like fruit, innit? Lots of fruit. Yeah, it's all, like, stuff that you can eat. So basically saving your money in the week. Do you all go and get on it afterwards when the meeting's finished? Just go, come on, girls, come on.

There's a buffet. Do you all go to the buffet? No, no, they're all on B, can't they? If I was doing Slimming World competitively, get on the fucking shite. There's a basket of shite. When you go, so, Carl, you've lost this, well done. You go, what have you done?

I'm going to say next week, I was just fucking on the shite. On Limo, lad. Limo, just inside. Can't film me. People will not want to be filmed. No, just film you like Francis Bourgeois. Oh! Oh!

Six pounds! Oh! I'm on the shite! Oh! She's massive! Oh! Carl, can you please leave the group? Yeah, yeah.

Oh! As Sheila comes in, pretend it's like some fucking train that he jizzes over. But I've broke the cycle of sugar, I think, and I'm made up. Yeah.

You getting headaches? No. Oh. Feels good. I I think. And I'm made up. Yeah. You getting headaches? No. Oh. Feels good. I'm so happy that I'm not like... You're out of the sugar cycle? Took me like five days. I've stopped drinking sugary drinks.

Apparently it takes two weeks. That's my downfall. He's having sugar-free feb. Apparently it takes two weeks to get properly through it. But I'm, what, eight days in now. Right, cool. Yeah. So he's not going to be wanking.

You're not eating fucking treats. I'm still w days in now right cool yeah so he's not going to be wanking you're not eating fucking treats I'm still wanking now yeah are you going to get more in before the op yeah really clear the palate yeah yeah do you know like when you're going on a diet

on Monday so on the Sunday you'd have a fucking feast how many wanks you having I'm going to have loads of wanks and a gang bang and then be like pizza I'm ready chapter four yeah I made bacon ribs last night oh they looked heavy wanksy nothing I'm going to have loads of wanks and a gang bang and then be like Peter I'm ready tough to fall

yeah made bacon ribs last night oh they looked heavy right and that sugar sugar backed bacon yeah sugar pit bacon

sugar pit bacon not the chops the ribs we met a listener who won best steak in Europe what? yeah

he won a competition he won best steak in Europe he's a listener he's a patron actually smoke faced Peter's it? am I getting that right? best steak in Europe. What? Yeah. He won a competition. He won best steak in Europe. He's a listener. He's a patron, actually. Smoke-faced Pete, is it? Am I getting that right? Smoke-faced Pete.

Pete's getting busy, isn't he? If I'm getting that wrong, sorry, lad, but check him out on Instagram and he makes the best steak in Europe. In a restaurant? No, like he does barbecues. He goes to your house and does a barbecue.

Oh, Pete, come to mine, lad. Well, he said we could go. So he's inviting me to Wiz. So I'm going to Wiz next month with Seneca. He's going to make us a fucking heavy steak. Oh, Pete, come to mine, lad. Well, he said we can go. So he's inviting me to Wiz. So I'm going to Wiz next month with Sedeq. He's going to make us a fucking heavy steak. Oh, no, I'm coming with you. Fuck Sedeq off. We're all invited.

Sedeq is not going with you. I'm coming with you. You can just come to yours. Yeah, no, I'm coming with you. But yeah, he goes to your house. Get him to your house. He does barbecues. I need to do a barbecue this summer.

The house is finished. The garden's done. I need to get you boys around. You can do it. For a bit of a BBQ. I'm in charge of the food. No, Smokeface Pete summer. The house is finished. The garden's done. I need to get you boys around for a bit of a BBQ. I'm in charge of the food. No, Smokeface Pete is. The best steak in Europe. I'll teach him a thing or two.

Yeah. Does he know about sausages? I saw one last night. He cooked it in cherry Coke. Is that how you're going to get your sugar now? Steak bites. Oh my God, mate. So what, is that going to be a cheat day for you?

Yeah. It's going to be a naughty day. I went to Hickory's on Monday night. They've changed the steaks a bit. It wasn't great. It wasn't as good. Who gets a steak from Hickory's though? Because it's an American smokehouse.

The platter, mate. Yeah, but you get the fucking ribs and the fucking wings and the brisket. The sausages in there. A smokehouse isn't for steak. That's for like... What? A smokehouse? I used to always get the brisket

that's the best thing the brisket's the best thing well I've been getting steak at Hickory's for ages and it's always been some of the best steak I've ever eaten maybe I just had a bad one

everyone was dead sound though there's patrons we're going to Hickory's for the Super Bowl aren't we? the one in Southport just before Rubber Soul yeah the Southport one yeah

there's one in across from my old school in Prestston they've opened a preston one and they've taken the anchor pub which is just down the road from my school and turned it into a fucking hickory's really weird little venue like i don't know it works i went down for food they've smashed it haven't they they've got like like it's so i need to try maybe it's just a one-off the state steak, I just thought the steak was fine. Etta fucking loves hickories.

Yeah. All right, cool. Next time I'll take recommendations on stuff to try. The brisket. No, just get the platter and you get all the meat. Yeah, but I don't know.

How much food is that? Enough. That's more than enough, isn't it? No, but you have the meat sweats at the end, but you're like, you're so happy. Okay, cool. All right.

I'll give it a go. So we're getting Smokeface Pete for at least one fucking have a word event. I'm sorry if that's another's name, but you come see

an house and there's barbecues or I say I can go to his house. Right, I'm in. I'm in. Smokeface Gorilla. It's Tom.

Jesus Christ. Sorry, Tom. Go to Egbert, get your dick chopped off and get a steak. You'll fry it up. Smokeface Gorilla, as in Gorilla Grill. Sorry, Tom. Go to Egbert, get your dick chopped off and get a steak. He'll fry it up. Smokeface Griller, as in gorilla grill.

Right, Smokeface Griller. All right, cool. Do you know what? Genuinely, if I'm hosting something, last thing I want to do is make food. I'd love someone like Smokeface Pete. Well, if he's not available, I'll do it. I'm a good barbecue of me.

Right. Well, to be fair, with Christmas dinner. I'm getting into me cooking again. Yeah. I'm really getting into me cooking again. Yeah. I'm really enjoying it. Right. Well, to be fair, with Christmas dinner. I'm getting into me cooking again. Yeah. I'm really getting into me cooking again. Yeah. I'm really enjoying it. Okay.

When's the show starting? I actually do want to start doing the videos of it because I'm... Rose recipes? Yeah. It's it. Fuck off.

Swat. Yeah. You've got that lovely T-shirt you can wear. I mean, it is white so it's not the best to cook in but I just

I don't hate making food me too I'm so crap at it I love it are you enjoying it because of Slimming Word that you've got a focus

you've got like when you do a diet what I found was I don't know because you you've almost got a remit to work to

and then there's recipes and what not yeah it makes it easier. Looks nice. I made me own wedges, mate. Didn't get frozen wedges, got spuds, chopped them, air fried them with all me own seasoning. That's stuffing.

Me own homemade peppercorn sauce with brandy in it. Sugar pit bacon. Made our own zinger burgers, wasn't it? What do you want me to do, Adam, in response? I want you to be happy for me. Look at this bar. Oh, my God! Look at that.

Oh, it's amazing! Chicken, bacon, and stuffing sandwich with a gravy dip. That doesn't look as good. That's heavy. That's better. Show the camera. You're a fucking idiot. What?

Show the camera. Stuffing is... Can't really see it because it's all like... It's a video. The heavy alimony. The second one looks fucking horrible. I just don't know. I'm not like a Michelin starred

chef, alright? But I'm sure that is like dirty stuff. Right. Like sandwiches, wings, brisket. Dirty sandwiches. Yeah. Messy. Messy food. Do you know why it's called Michelin, don't you? The tyre company sponsored it? Yeah, but do you know why? Go on.

They used to put the restaurants out of town. The good restaurants where people had to drive under their roads. You'd need new tyres. Oh, nice. Clever. Okay. That's old school. Do they still sponsor them?

Yeah. Michelin's still there. I couldn't believe it was the same company when I found out. I only found out, I suppose, 18 months ago. Right, they should never change that, because when they change the sponsorship or something, it fucks with me.

I still want the Edinburgh Comedy Award to be called the Perrier. The Perrier was it was just The Perrier because it sounds sick. It was just what it always was when I was growing up.

Like it's so shit that the League Cup has changed sponsorship so many times. The Carabao meat. It's the Carlin in my head. Coca-Cola, Carlin.

The Wearington meat. Rumbelows. What a load of shite. The milk. The Coca-Cola cup. Fuck off. No, that's What a load of shite. The milk. The Coca-Cola Cup. Fuck off. No, that's sick. I mean, that was sick,

but it lasted five years. The Worthington Cup, mate. The Worthington Cup. I remember the 2001 Worthington Cup. Michael Owen beat Man United, pretty much. Was it Man United? And then they beat Arsenal

in the FA Cup final. Was that your weird treble where you beat Alaves in the UEFA? The only real treble in football. You mean the wonky treble wasn't it five then you win the Chelsea Shield

and the Super Cup as well no that's not five no but it's five trophies that's 3.2 innit yeah come on yeah it's like an extra two games

no it's five no it's not the first quintuple winners of all time shut up doing one of the Champions League too much travel

alright okay yeah I've never been to a Michelin restaurant I can't been to a few been to the Kitchen in Edinburgh by Tom Kitchen been to Muse in London by Tom Aitken Pete Aitken

and I've been to the River Cafe in Brooklyn New York the River Cafe they all sound not good don't they the Kitchen, the River Cafe in Brooklyn, New York. The River Cafe. They all sound not good, don't they? The kitchen, the River Cafe. They sound standard. They don't need to sound good. Just the food's like, fucking piss it. Yeah.

I went to one in Iceland and the lamb was about £4 million, but it was like... How much actually was it? For two of us? Like north of... Like £500. What? But it was my 21st birthday.

In Iceland? Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's not that expensive for a Michelin star. It is when you're 21. You're just 21 years of age. Yeah, but for Michelin star,

I mean like... No, no. There's a Michelin star restaurant in Iceland. How is Iceland? I hear it's... The most expensive country in the world to go to.

But it's not like... Reykjavik's not big skyscrapers or anything. It's quite... You can walk around Reykjavik in 15 minutes skyscrapers or anything it's quite you can walk around Reykjavik in 15 minutes right feels like

the pictures I've seen it looks like a little it's a town so a guy came to the CCC to watch the comedy and said that he could get us over to do a gig in Iceland and although it sounds

absolutely mental I sort of want to take up the opportunities to do gigs like this even if you go and it's mental and it doesn't really work, going to Oslo that time

was fucking brilliant. I want to tick off all of these places just for one gig. When we're going to Nashville, there's a chance we're going to get to do a gig. I don't know how it's going to go.

Love to do a gig in Nashville. I want to say I've done all these things. Reykjavik I fancy. I want to visit, but I'd also love to try a gig there. So,

in Amsterdam, we should have tried to go there one night when we were there. Too busy at sex shows literally sitting there going this would make a fucking great room for comedy yeah it would have

it honestly it was such a quality room for a preview that room would be unbelievable tight and it genuinely was tight Reckie makes a beautiful line

you should go and you can do it so you can walk around it in 15, 20 minutes I want to do Iceland in December this year yeah yeah yeah yeah

I was thinking you've got gaps and you need to fill them do it after December when there's more snow where's top of your list? Canada oh Canada's next

Mykonos yeah we've got you're already booked in though aren't you Canada's up there for me Bora Bora that's honeymoon stuff though innit

yeah I said that about the Maldives and we said fuck I just want to go yeah I do want to go to Maldives I want to see India I really want to see India

Canada's top though I want to do Canada just look fucking my best mate's in South Africa that's definitely on the list Italy for me as well I've never been to Italy and I want to do

oh my god it's beautiful Lake Cuomo Lake Cuomo there's a U in it yeah and Ruom Mulan's good to film Mulan

Sicily oh honestly have you seen them I've been to the stadium into Mulan and AC Mulan it's a hell of a derby no you need to go to Venice

Venice is so romantic if you don't want to make a man out of you I just I want to see like really pretty stuff. Venice is absolutely beautiful. Como is the best though, isn't it?

Yeah. I want to go to Sicily. See George Clooney. Fucking Mulan's an absolute banger. Where do you want to go, Dan? Eddie Murphy. Where do you want to go, Dan? I want to go Eddie Murphy.

I want to go Eddie Murphy. India. India's well up on my list. Still never done Thailand I never did any of the travelling you know like the gap years South East Asia neither have I

that's why I'm doing it this year I found a comedy club and then went I want to do this so I've done when my mates went to do like fucking Australia

Fiji Vietnam Thailand I've not done any of that big week though yeah it's a big week it's a long week I take it I've got literally that's the amount of time I've got done any of that Big week though Yeah it's a big week It's a long week I take it

I've got Literally that's the amount of time I've got I've got a gap week I might take one A listener offered me his time Is your head in Fiji next year? What?

A listener? You are on the fucking make you Aren't you mate? Offered me his time Yeah yeah You get a free steak made You know Discount Carlton

Free circumcisions Pete Down in Egbert He was giving us free steak He's just I met him Make made, you know, discount Carlton. Free circumcisions, Pete. Down in Egbert. He was giving us free steak. I met him. You know, guys, listen up, Patreon. Tom, not Pete, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

I was buried, like really buried. I am going skiing tomorrow, though. Oh, yes. You are going skiing. So, yeah, I'm looking forward to that. I've not skied for about six years. I've got a really good year of travel ahead. Yeah, sorry.

Yeah, you're right. Let's talk about you. No, it's all right. No, you're going skiing? No. No, no, no, no. We've got to hear about Adam's travel plans again. Sorry.

Tune us in. No, I'm not going there. Hey! Now go on, where are you going? Tell us about your fucking, you know, your ice skating and all that. No, because you don't give a fuck. Are you going ice skating?

There's no point. No, I do care. There's no point. As long as you're happy, I'm happy. I care, Dan, and the listeners care. It's not all about me, Dan. What are you doing at skiing?

Guess. Snowboarding. No. I'm going to go skiing. We could have gone, couldn't we? We could have made that happen. I'm going with my best mate, Bondi, from school. I'm going to go skiing. We could have gone, couldn't we? We could have made that happen. I'm going with my best mate Bondi from school

and I'm taking my sister. Yeah. Yeah. We're going tomorrow. We're going to flying to Geneva and going up to Morsine where I did those gigs

where the guy won the lottery in Llanelli. No, not Llanelli. Llandidno. Won the lottery and then spent six months getting pestered by his mates in his hometown and went do you know what i can't live like this got a massive loan out with

a french bank and built a massive chalet in uh mausine so it's about an hour and 15 minutes up from geneva so which is relatively short transfer time so he used to get us out there he'd give us four days board four days ski passes rental so you had a little holiday and all he wanted in return was like one gig so we just did one gig straight away you want why are you going to be bored for four days you've nailed it plus you're skiing you're not snowboarding yeah for four days yeah skis you've nailed it it's all good work boys really appreciate it back to Adam Mekinos

can't wait for that can't wait either doing it Mexico and Cuba back to back in the summer as well and I've got Havana and Cigar

when did you say about Cuba tag that onto the next episode I hope Ishan's free because that fucking I'm not missing any episodes

I'm flying back from Cuba I missed like one or two bring some cigars what bring some cigars on Was that fucking... I'm not missing any episodes. I'm flying back. From Cuba. I missed like one or two. What? Bring some cigars on. I'm going to smoke some while I'm there. I want to get a linen suit,

some nice sunglasses and a big cigar. I can see the photograph already. Could you bring us back some cocaine? You got a box, Joe? Could you bring us back some cocaine? I bet Cuba's got good cocaine yeah I don't want to travel with drugs though

oh no that is a sensible answer can you get me something from the Guantanamo Bay gift shop yeah also you smuggling drugs

wouldn't be easy would it with your IBS you're not the first person to think of I don't want to have a foreskin to put it in what some people smuggle drugs

in their car don't they do they yeah yeah Ishan did, didn't he? Oh, that's a very good one. I love it how we've confabulated that memory. That's good, though. If you've got a big foreskin, bam.

No bouncers pulling your skin back. I could put ecstasy in me foreskin right now, and I haven't got enough foreskin. What? If you've got a big foreskin, you could smuggle fucking... Hang on, hang on. You know when you smuggle drugs,

they've got to be in a plastic bag. Otherwise, you are going to ingest, like, pills through your dickhole. Yeah, you know when you smuggle drugs, they've got to be in a plastic bag, otherwise you are going to ingest like pills through your dick hole. Yeah, you have a good point. They'll just, yeah. No, I won't put it in my dick hole, just in my foreskin. They go through your skin though.

It's a permeable membrane. Oh. Oh. Not semi-permeable. How big's your foreskin? I'm now thinking you don't need the circumcision. If you can drug smuggle

with just your fucking flappy foreskin. I mean, how many carries do you reckon you can fit? On top of my cock is probably about half the size of that pen lid. I've got like that much extra foreskin. Right, cool. Just a couple of pills then. Yeah, you can't deal.

You can just... Yeah, just for me, innit? Just personal use. They can't do you for that either. Double jeffery. They can do you for possession. Depends how much you've got. less than 10 garries up your bug head they're not going to put you in prison

come on I think if you get 10 garries in your foreskin you're just going to be applauded like amazing fucking Nella the elephant over here imagine anyone's ever pleaded ignorance with stuff like that you got like pills found in your car yeah I don't think that works a lot of the elephant over here. Imagine. Has anyone ever pleaded ignorance with stuff like that? You got like pills found in your car?

Oh, I don't know. They got the... Yeah, I don't think that works a lot of the time with the law. I've said that a bit. What? They're not mine. Just say they're not yours.

Yeah, that doesn't work. Why? How do you think that works? No, do you have it in your pocket? Just say, I haven't put them there. And it all sounds insane. Yeah, it does sound insane

and the police are going to convict you, aren't they, for possession with intent to supply? No, say they're not mine. This isn't even my coat. Wear someone else's coat. Right, cool. I love it. Do you genuinely think that'll get you off? It does my head in. What? Because it might happen.

I could walk past you and put ten galleys in your pocket and then wring the blood and you're done. Yeah, you could. You could get away with possession of a firearm. Fuck, I didn't put that there there's a gun in your pocket isn't that isn't it oh there's weight in it now you'd have felt that you're going to prison yeah now you you you can't ignorance of your balance ignorant ignorant what is it ignorance of the law doesn't get you out of the laws that's not what the fucking saying is

but you can't just plead ignorance to a law you can't be like like, I was doing 50. I didn't know it was 30. It doesn't work like that. You can't just be like, I don't know. There's pills in my dick. Where you learn. What? You get licensed where you learn

so you can't be ignorant. You don't get taught how to not... You can't use ignorance as a defense against breaking the law. Bollocks. You can't be in a country and go, I didn't know that was a law here. You'll still get prosecuted

because otherwise, every defense would be, I didn't know that was a law. Well, why didn't you know? I've never studied law. I'm free. Thank you. Can I have my 10 pills

to put back in my dick? Thank you very much. I just don't think no one's tried that defence so that we don't know where it went. Wow, yeah, yeah, yeah. Not like a big one. All those defence attorneys. Not like May there,

but certainly robbing a bike. No one has ever told me I can't smash that guy's head in with a fucking brick yeah where was I taught that in school oh is this illegal

sorry is it a problem there you go now it's illegal now it's a problem Adam gets to threatening with his legal defence really quick

it's not a threat and it's a question well is it a problem I don't even know how to shoot this directly at your chest officer

nice now put the pills back in my foreskin Is it a problem? I don't even know how to shoot this. I'm pointing directly at your chest, officer. Nice. I put the pills back in my foreskin. I think that should be it. And then you've got to argue. And if you argue good enough, you get off it. I've always thought it's mad that it's illegal to kill yourself. Yeah, that's why it's called committing suicide.

Yeah. What? It's illegal to kill yourself. No, not anymore. It used to be. No, it still is. No, it's called committing suicide yeah what? it's illegal to kill yourself no not anymore it used to be no it still is no it's not what do you mean? because otherwise you'd go to prison for attempted suicide wouldn't you?

yeah which you don't it used to be that's why it's called committing suicide although if you try and top yourself in a very dangerous situation where other people's lives are at risk what's the legal ramifications there? I've told you this before if I ever got to the point where I felt suicidal I am

causing problems for people opening a door on a plane yeah or like just off a building holding like two grenades

so as I land wow exploding the air as well wow that'd be fucking spectacular though wouldn't it

wow at the Tory party conference they say you die twice when you die and. When you die and the last time someone says your name, if you're the guy who jumped off the live

with two grenades, you will live forever in memory. Oh, no. You don't want to kill Scouse. Don't kill your own. Why? Tory party conference. Top yourself there, Adam.

For the love of fuck. But if I've got to the point where I'm suicidal, I don't respect anyone else, do I? What? Because they don't respect me. Otherwise, I wouldn't be suicidal. That's such an insane insane way of thinking

If I'm killing myself I'm the best person in the world so if I'm killing myself I must fucking hate everybody else so I'm taking grenades I'm going down

a fucking primary school fuck off No I'm not kids that's audible How do you know there's not kids at the bottom of a live building?

Imagine if there was kids in the afternoon and maybe live building you always manage to take things too far you yeah I do yeah like fireworks in your hand

like two roaming what's the spinny ones Catherine wheels jumping off fucking goodbye crew wheel what's that in the

sky is it a fucking super is it a superman is that a super soaker? What's that kid wearing? An AC Mulan shirt. Ibrahumovic.

I'd leave all mad cryptic shit me. What? If it came to the worst and it ended up happening, I'd leave a letter going, it was him. Or something mad. Mad cryptic, it was him or like something mad mad cryptic

it was him and that's legally binding I would leave like a thing if you want to know why I've done this here's some clues like in school

it was like turns page 42 and you didn't it was like turns page 31 and you just went back and it's cocks

and your mind is a slime no I've got one for you Carl you go to the Slimming World meeting chop your own head off on the scales,

Slimmer of the Week. Yes, there you go. Seven pounds, gone. Do you know what I'd do? I'd leave a note that said, George shoots Lenny. And if you get that, you have a bed of mice and men.

Bam. Rune it. What's your dying legacy? What's your dying legacy? Because you put it on the news. You ruin the mice and men for millions. You put it on the news and all the kids would see it and go,

oh, ruined it. And all the teachers would be gutted. Watch your... You can't go, goodbye cruel world. That's hacky, innit? Yeah. What are you going for? You fucking pricks.

Off the live building. Gerard! With a megaphone. What was that? I said, you fucking prick. You hit them. They got megaphones. Oh, that!

By the way, can we do it on Patreon? If you're going to top yourself, just we're like, we're on spade! I'd love that. Come on, let's get it on. Yeah. It's content, isn't it?

That would go spectacular. I'd want it to be news, do you know what I mean? Just go for what? Go mad? What? Shallow end of the pool. Oh, there's kids in pools.

No, not a David Lloyd after 8pm. Oh, nice, nice. Adult pool. Sexy pool. Nice. No, that Bill Bermit, my favourite bit of stand-up ever, the helicopter.

The helicopter. Oh. Like, that is how to go. If you can. Yeah? Jump out of a helicopter. Oh, shit. If you've not seen that bit,

the way he tells it from both sides is so fucking beautiful. Oh, Billy fucking red nuts God bless him God I hope we get him on the couch one day one day lad alright lads

break time break time it's time for top five rise into it this was going to be a podcast all on its own but you know what

we've just decided it's going to be a feature because we love you and you deserve a podcast within a podcast and also we're sick, we've just decided it's going to be a feature Because we love you, and you deserve a podcast within a podcast And also, for sake of my lazy And this music that you can't hear, that's new Yeah, new music Finn has been working overtime

Did you do it? No, it's the chart music, the old chart music Da da da da da da da Da da da da da In at five. Okay, cool. Top five front men of all time. We've all got two each.

Three. It'll be a making-of suit. Three each. Well, yeah, because... We're trying to put together a list of top five. We all picked two and we all picked the same two. There's only two. We need five.

And I... Listen, we all love music, don't we the same two. There's only two. We need five. And I... Listen, we all love music, don't we? I'm a music man. I come from far away. Yeah, yeah. What can you play? Dovecut. That's hard.

I can't play a dovecut. Yeah. That's not what I meant. I think... I don't think Finn... Does Finn's opinion count as much here? I don't think he knows about music. Is he too young? Yeah. Yeah, he's too young. He's only seen like Bieber. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't think Finn... Does Finn's opinion count as much here? I don't think he knows about music. Is he too young?

Yeah. Yeah, he's too young. He's only seen like Bieber. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't remember the old bands? No. Before... I don't know anything before the Sugar Babes.

No. Which is the nation of the Sugar Babes? Yeah. Mutti Abuella. The one with the one from Eurovision, Jade. So like 2009. The blonde one. I know.

Heidi was my cousin's best mate at school. I know she's a blonde one, isn't she? But she didn't take it up the mutter. Bueno. That's actually true as well. Our Katie was best mate for Heidi at school in Versailles. Can I get the obvious one out the way that we've surely all got?

Hanson. The leading Hanson. You go first, Carl. Who's your first pick for top five? Surely we've all got this one. It's Mr. Freddie Mercury. Oh. I've got him, yeah. I think he's either for the gays as well as music.

Got to be in there. What did he do for the gays? He made it acceptable to be bummed. That's Carl Van Alen, isn't it? You know what I mean, though? Did he? Homophobia to this day is rampant, Dan. But it would be a lot worse if it was not for Freddie Mercury.

Because everyone was like, I want to be like him. And he was like, I'd take it up the arse, by the way. And they were like, ooh, maybe. Wasn't he a closeted homosexual even to the point where he had a wife? Yeah, but posthumously. Oh. Oh, yeah. Because he died of AIDS. yeah yeah which isn't just

no you can get that no matter what your sexual orientation you can also get it if you're chopping chimp meat and you'd accidentally cut your finger he was doing that a lot he did he had that um had Gorilla. He was the original Gorilla, wasn't he? Freddie's Gorilla. Smokeface Gorilla. Smokeface Gorilla. He was... Freddie Mercury used to come round your house

and do Chopped Up Gorilla. Lovely BBQ. But he dabbled in the bumholes. The dark Freddie. Leave it. Just walk away. Walk away. It's not what he's remembered for.

This is not not Why is he One of the best lead singers ever Because he dabbled in the bumholes Very famous Gay And he made me hate them less He made me hate them less But I think

I reckon a lot of people Literally I don't hate anyone A footnote I hate two people actually Why he's the best lead singer Amazing lead singer amazing lead singer never mind about Live Aid

no but his legacy is important isn't it was it Live Aid or Band Aid which was the only one Live Aid one where he was just making the noises

that was full blown that one that was very good it was great but it made me it gave me it gave me a squeaky

Freddy it was too good it's past that. But what he did with the crowd there, he had 70,000 people just in the palm of his hand. We accept the gays now! That's what everyone was remembering. Gael! Yeah! Gael!

Is everyone going to be alright with the gays from now on? Gael! That's whatever, you know, And that's why he is, I think he's going to be consensus number one on this. He also did a lot for fancy dress costumes. Yeah.

Yeah, again. Mic stands with no bottoms. Oh my God. He saved the whole industry when you're like, mic comes out, you're like, brilliant. What do you do as a comedian?

Yo! That's great. And that's why I'm gay. Muzzies. Did loads for muzzies big teeth moustaches yeah big teeth

did a lot for big teeth he did a lot for big teeth a lot for horses horses yeah because he looked like a horse and now a lot of horses

are you know front men in bands aren't they same obviously but I think regardless of all the you know dabbling and bumholes

and horses and the gorilla meat and the gorilla meat yeah yeah yeah Freddie Mackey he's up there he's number one and it's not even close

he's up there he is number one two three four five we're on this list he can't be he's number one by a million miles yeah

just want to clarify we're doing front front men or women of bands we're not doing singers are we that's what we're not on the road we can't have Adele no we're not doing singers are we that's what we're not on the road

you can't have Adele no we're not doing like it's not just the voice it's not the voice it's not the electrified it's not what you've done for the gay community

it's partly it and what you've done for animal based barbecues I've got a lovely little bit of multi try my multi burger Jasper Canada.

No, it's Freddie Mercury. That's a great impression. Do you know, he wasn't just a closeted homosexual. He was a closeted Geordie. Oh, we have Freddie Mercury. I've done a boomer. Oh, we. Everyone was like, wow, he's amazing.

Oh, we. He's just, you know. Can we put a little bit of clip of that on, please? We can. We'll get struck. Don't get struck. Don't get struck. Okay, we're not going to get get struck don't get struck don't get struck fuck off i mean it is pretty you know everyone knows what it is go if you've not watched queen at live aid uh go and have a little watch that performance and i love the film not everyone loved the film

i really loved it and it culminated in that amazing sort of 10 minute, it almost, you know, I wasn't there, but how authentic that felt. No, I wasn't. In the film? I'd already retired. I was like trying to spend more time with the grandkids in 1985. I'd love to be there.

I'd love to be there. That's one of the gigs where I'd have to go back, I'd be there. Oh yeah. 100%. It just looked, you know. But at the front. It'd be shit to be at the back, I'd be there. Oh, yeah. 100%. You just looked and, you know. But at the front. It'd be shit to be at the back, wouldn't it?

I think it'd be good to be in the middle. In the pit? Yeah, because, like, you're getting all the atmosphere and everyone's fucking revving. I'd have to be good to be a steward. Just looking at the crowd. What? All-time gigs to go and be back and be a steward.

Can you all step back a bit, please? Yeah. I tell you what, stand back a little bit or you'll catch Geordie. I've been stood next to the cunt all day. I'm from fucking Devon. Finn, who's your first pick? And if it's Liam Gallagher, you're getting fired.

It's Liam Gallagher. I can debate it as well. It wasn't going to be my first pick. My first pick's obviously Freddie Mercury, but I would say Liam Gallagher. I can debate it as well. It wasn't going to be my first pick. My first pick's obviously Freddie Mercury, but I would say Liam Gallagher. Why? From 1994 to 1997. That specific period.

Yeah, but he's not that old anymore. What? What? It's not 1997 anymore, is it? It's not, but I'm doing that period. I'm sure we're not doing Mick Jagger now, because he's geriatric. Yeah, because Freddie Mercury doesn't win now,

because he's been dead 29 years. Charlie, howwell go on why yeah uh liam gallagher uh because it's so iconic his stance and his voice is you'd recognize that anywhere amazing and he just stood there but had people bouncing you see he's got his impressions are really coming in why does he do that uh it's

attitude mate I bet there's a silly reason like one gig behind his back he's doing his rosary beads he's playing

I could go into it but it's not worth going into the oh do you know well he used to hold it like that and then one time he did it on tv

hands behind his back and then everyone loved it same with the shee-ine that was one time he didn't on TV, hands behind his back. And then everyone loved it. Same with the she-ine. That was one time. He didn't even used to sing it like that. Yeah.

But yeah, 1994 to 1997, they were on the dole in 93. And then by 1996, top of the pops, they did the biggest ever UK gigs. I think that says something. Yeah. I have to admit when I was 14,

15, they were the coolest thing ever. Yeah. I sort of grew out of it a little bit, but that doesn't mean that they weren't fucking massive. No. And iconic.

And also working class and Northern. They're as big as ever now. Like they're part of, they're part of the furniture, them songs. Cult. Yeah. Like you,

it spins me out that you absolutely bum Oasis. When were you born? 98. Right. When I was born, he went shit. All right, Liam Gallagher, you're not a big Oasis, you're not bothered by Oasis. When were you born? 98. Right. When I was born, he went shit. All right, Liam Gallagher.

You're not a big Oasis. You're not bothered by Oasis. I like them. You've got to be in there. Everyone sings their songs in a sing-along, don't they? Yeah. Everybody.

Yeah, huge. And they broke America. I think Liam Gallagher has to be in there. They didn't. Yeah, they did. No. Yeah.

They've got three songs in America that did anything. They're famous. They're pretty well-known in America. Never had a number one. No. Yeah. They've got three songs in America that did anything. They're famous. They're pretty well known in America. Never had a number one. No, I know. But it's not like the Americans are blissfully unaware of them. They are.

They did. Really? They didn't. No, nothing on here. Like, nothing on here. But yeah, for here, I'd say Liam Cole. Super Sonic's a great film as well on Netflix. If you want to go and watch that.

Yeah, watch it. All right, Liam Carroll. Super Sonic's a great film as well on Netflix, if you want to go and watch that. Yeah, watch it. All right, cool. Carl? It's yours. Your turn. It's got to be Jagger, hasn't it? Just for the... Longevity.

Gesticulation, just for his facial expressions. Like when he's all... What do you mean? Whoa! Oh, my God. I thought Jagger was in the room. It's Kevin Nolan. Kevin Nolan's got to be in there.

No, he's in midfielder. Satisfaction. Satisfaction. It's Benny Pines. Yeah. I, uh... That's his argument. No one else does that though

Has anyone asked about the Stones? You love the Beatles Are you asked about the Stones? I think they're good They don't lace the Beatles boots But the Beatles wouldn't be considered for this None of them were The front men

No But Jagger's iconic He's not the front man Lennon did half of the songs I'd say Jagger's the reason for a lot of these people that dance about now

think people just used to stand there and play the guitar so much more performative Harry Styles was very Jagger very Jagger inspired you can tell

yeah yeah where does Robert Plant I'm not saying Zeppelin comes on this voice unbelievable in terms of a front man

in terms of a vocal unreal his voice was nothing nothing like it since apart from this new band gret van fleet we've just copied them who've done a zeppelin yeah um but robert plant's voice was amazing i'm not so sure about his stage presence they were great though and it depends if you're going for the voice but if we're going for that whole thing jagger definitely can i throw one out as a front man go on and i've never been bothered about this band or their music but in terms of iconic frontman where does axl rose come in there yeah because fuck me every time crazy frog you are. Yeah, you did. He was a blue guy. That's Axl Rose.

That's Axl Rose from Beverly Hills Cop. You see his cock in the X-Racer version? What do you reckon? I think in terms of iconic performances... He's in with a shout. Adam's having an onion,

isn't he? You alright? What's up? That is him, no, isn't it? That's Axl F. Axl F. Axl F. Is that the same thing?

No. Oh, okay. Axl Rose is a man with a... Axl Fo Axl F Axl F is that the same thing no oh okay Axl Rose is a man Axl Foley from Beverly Hills Cop is the name of the character Eddie Murphy plays yeah so what I said

it's not Eddie Murphy in a film not gonna fall for no banana no tailpipe right okay so Eddie Murphy's in our top five that's Axl Rose

that's Axl Rose that's Mickey Rourke Bruce Springsteen innit can we go Axl Rose that's Axl Rose that's Mickey Rourke Bruce Springsteen innit can we go Axl Rose 1988 rather than now when he looks like your dad going

who's left the fucking eating up oh mate he's quite beautiful isn't he yeah he'd fuck you Mrs M

yeah I'd fuck him not now do you know like I was way out of this but if you were around in the 80s I'd get into

all this shit. It looked quality. Is he Guns N' Roses? Yeah. Yeah. The Rose? Yeah. Hmm?

Is there another fella in the band called, like, John Gunn or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Mike Gunn. You know, the comedian. The UK circuit comedian, Mike Gunn. He was in there. He compared them on.

It was hard even doing live work because he was at Jonglers. Where's Mike Gunn. He was in there. He compared them on. It was hard even doing live work because he was at Jonglers a lot. We're at Jongles. I used to listen to Guns N' Roses quite a bit. Welcome to the Jungle. Banger. But in terms of performances... You're gonna die!

Was that a song or did you just threaten me? It's in Welcome to the Jungle, isn't it? Welcome to the Jungle, baby! You? Welcome to the jungle, baby! You're gonna die! Is that Eddie Murphy? It's a sexy man. Can I throw one out? Come on, throw one out.

There's been a lot of hatred towards him. Oh, you hypocrite. I don't know the name. We are the people that can... Is that him? That's John Gunn, that bit. Alex Turner. Oh.

No. Oh. Oh. No, he isn't. No, he isn't. No, he is. He's a twat, isn't he? Like, we all like his music.

He's a rock star. He's meant to be a twat. No, he isn't. These aren't cunts, are they? Yes. No, they're not. These all do charity work, aren't they? He's a fucking be a... No, he isn't. These aren't cunts, are they? Yes. No, they're not. These all do charity work, aren't they?

He's a fucking tit. What? Has Alex Turner ever done for the gay community? Teeth, you know, community? Axl Rose. Alex Turner is of our generation.

He's got to be like one of the most charismatic people. You only like about eight of his songs. No, I don't. I just don't like his last two shite albums. You don't even like I Am? No, I do. I just think it's the best and itite albums. You don't even like AM? No, I do.

I just think it's the best and it isn't the best. Shut up. By the way, when you have had iconic albums and you've topped the charts, you can't have like, especially when it comes this way,

you're going, who was amazing? You're judging them at their peak, aren't they? Yeah. So, because Oasis knocked out some pretty average stuff

for a couple of years. In my opinion, maybe not yours, maybe not Oasis fans, but that doesn't take away from how fucking massive they were, how iconic they were. Like, if you don't like Alex Turner's last two albums, you can still hold him up in this category.

I think as a front man, it's AM is his peak. Yeah, no, I'm not saying I don't like AM. I'm saying it's not the best. People go, oh, it's the best. It is the best. Also, aren't they quite under, like... The Arctic Monkeys on stage

they don't he isn't anymore is he very charismatic he's kind of he's very he's got many 70s they used to be very play the songs

get off garage band innit now he's turned into the front man who's the lead singer of Kasabian because he got held up as like

yeah I'm not allowed to talk about him anymore alright okay he still existed guys Tom Meehan Tom Meehan I know he's been cancelled but he's not like

he was a great Serge is doing a great job now why has no one mentioned Ozzy Osbourne it's got Manscrans bats Manscrans

he started Covid Ozzy Osbourne started it back in the day name me one black sabbath song what name me one black sabbath song I don't know I know him from the Osbournes he's the front man COVID. Ozzy Osbourne started it back in the day. Name me one Black Sabbath song. What? Name me one Black Sabbath song.

I don't know him from that. I know him from the Osbournes. He's the front man of the Osbournes. He wasn't. Sharon was. Sharon definitely was. He's Scranton's bat.

I don't need to know his song. He changed the fucking art of performing. No one before or since has Scranton fucking rodents on stage. Certainly not flying ones. Flying rodents. Yeah, Alex not flying ones. Flying rodents!

Yeah, Alex Turner's never eaten a pigeon. So how can he even be top five? He is top five, though. He isn't. He doesn't compete with Ozzy Osbourne. He certainly doesn't compete

with Mel B. You don't know any of Ozzy Osbourne? She wasn't the front woman. Yes, she was. No! It was Jerry. Yeah! No, Jerry was my crush mate and I can tell you right now she wasn't the front because I was fuming. She was always. Yeah. No, Gerry was my crush mate,

and I can tell you right now, she wasn't the front, because I was fuming, she was always in the background. I'm like, what? I don't... There isn't a front woman of Spice Girls.

It's not Emma or Victoria. No, Victoria can fucking leg it. It's Mel B. She's always... Like, she's right at the start of fucking Wannabe. She's the one who's like... That's a trigger

how do you remember just all the most mental bits of all these people's careers I'm gonna kill you she spits the bars in wannabe as well so here's a story from 8 to B you wanna get with me that's Mel B mate

dropping bombs 8 to B fuck off A to C you're back it's flat it's a story A A

it's about you know road recovery roadside recovery Alex Taylor's in there sorry no he isn't I'm going to throw

a lady in there oh well I'm mentioning sex offenders Mel B is a lady Stevie Nicks Stevie's on my list

Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list

Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list

Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list

Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list

Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list

Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list

Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list Stevie's on my list

Stevie's on my list Stevie's on story but Stevie Nicks wrote some of the most iconic ones Dreams is a Stevie Nicks tune and her voice is is Landslide a Stevie Nicks tune

yeah I think it is also they that's their best song they did an absolute fucking generation worth of cocaine between them in that one album

they all fucking gangbangs and everything didn't they they all fucking ate each other yeah because they were all shagging each other

behind each other's back true I've seen them very lucky sit on that yeah I think Mel B They all fucking ate each other. Yeah, because they were all shagging each other behind each other's back. True. I've seen them. You're very lucky. Sit on that. Yeah, I think Mel B's got to be in the conversation. I think Stevie Nicks is... Yeah.

I think Stevie Nicks edges Mel B out. No. The Spice Girls changed the world. Come on. When did Stevie Nicks win? They were a global phenomenon. They were big in America. The Spice Girls?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Fleetwood Mac. So? We're going on talent aren't we when did Stevie Nicks spit bars Mel B could rap

Stevie Nicks can't bet she can't bet she can't I bet she fucking can't Mel B had barbed the air in a battle oh fuck me she's three zipper

easy oh I'm into that. That's when I'll get into battle rapping. Who's your last one? Not bad. I wanted to put Josh Homan from the Queens of the Stone Age because I think he's fucking amazing.

I saw him live in September. He was brilliant. Someone in colour though. And also, he's ginger. And I think he's done so much for the ginger community. To overcome that. Yeah. Yeah.

He's one of the coolest gingers in the game. I don't know that person or that band. Oh my God, I've just forgotten. Yeah, I know, but you don't know loads of good music. I've just realised I forgot Kurt Cobain. Really? Yeah. Yeah, I thought about Kurt Cobain.

I think that's it. Mel B edges it off. Didn't he blow his own head off? Courtly Love blew his head off. Allegedly. What about Jim Morrison? Yeah, another one. In terms of iconic frontman.

It's difficult. It's difficult. I mean, obviously, Mel B's up there. She's number two. Mel B's number two. It's Freddie Mercury, Mel B. What about Bradley from S Club 7? He was the one doing all the fucking breakdancing.

He wasn't the frontman, was he? He was the frontist, man. No, Joe. Joe is the frontman. Joe Manera's the frontman. He's not fucking boxing out all the twirlies the front man, was he? He was the frontest man. No, Joe Manera's the front man. Yeah, but he's not fucking boxing out all the twirlies on his head,

is he? Joe Manera? No, because Joe Manera. Joe O'Meara? Joe O'Meara, that one. It's a woman.

Joe Manera? Is it? Ronan Keaton, up there, I think. This is just... The fact he had a solo career afterwards,

that's always a sign of a good frontman. Who's the lead singer of Five? What is it? Is it not? Jay, is it? Pick from the three. I think it's Jay, is it? Right, Freddie Mercury.

Freddie Mercury's a definite. Is the definite. Here we go. Jagger's a definite. So is Stevie Nicks. Mel B. Stevie Nicks. Mikey Way from My Chemical Romance.

Go Google him? Go Google him Go Google him there I haven't been on Google you fucking tit You're on Spotify Isn't it Gerard Way? What? Isn't it Gerard Way? He has no idea what he's on about

No Mikey's the front man Gerard Way is the He's in the band They're brothers Oh See the way round Gerard Way Adam loves them.

He doesn't know the queens of the Stone Age. I just like the songs, you know what I mean? Which ones? I only really like the Black Parade album. Yeah.

Oh, nailed it. Nice. I know most of the songs from that album, though. Have we got five? I'm fighting for Mel B.

I'm fighting for Stevie Nicks. Have you voted for Stevie Nicks? I'd vote for Stevie Nicks have you voted for Stevie Nicks I'd vote for Stevie Nicks you're voting for Alex Taylor aren't you I want Axl Rose in no I don't think we're going to

come to a fucking Axl Rose is in so we've got Freddie Freddie's in Jagger Jagger's in Axl Rose

I will back Liam Gallagher to the hill Liam Gallagher's got to be in really we're fighting over two spaces here and I've Melby and I'm putting

Alex Turner in there right well let's leave it to the vote the lids can vote for the last spots come on you know it's Mel B there's two spots we've got Stevie Nicks, Mel B, Alex Turner or Axl Rose should we do a poll on Twitter come a little bit closer baby

get it on that song is about pussy by the way it's about shagging wow they wrote a song about shagging yeah but amazing when two become one because your cock goes in you're like oh yeah yeah yeah god i it was so subtle i never got do you know the song mama is about their moms is it Is it? It's really, they're nuanced. Is it Make Love? What? I'm gonna make love to you.

Is that it? Baby. Yeah. I had a little cock. The original lyric was cock. I had a little cock, now I can't back for more. Wanna give some cock to you, baby. Oh, wanna give some cock to you, baby.

Oh, no, no. It was written by a man. Mel Big. Mel Big. Cock, because of a cock, she had a massive cock. I bet Mel Big has got a large clit. Oh, you bastard. Mel Big.

Oh, I love Mel Big, she's brilliant. Mel Clit. She'd be great on this, by the way, Mel Big. Mel Big. We're trying. What? Well, we're trying. We're actually trying.

Then let's clip out the- I think she's the greatest front man of all time. And I think she's got- There you go, that doesn't get it. And I think she's the greatest front man of all time and I think she's got that doesn't get it and I think she's got a big clit Mel big clit she's just one step to Eddie Murphy then

I want Eddie Murphy on as well I'd want Mel B on have they got a kid yeah yeah I knew him married weren't he

yeah and Axl Rose was in an Eddie Murphy film Mel B married Eddie Murphy that's how good of a front man yeah she married him yeah

Mel B from Manchester married him yeah you're telling me she's not the greatest front man of all time so Mel B wins

Mel B from Manchester and the gays love her they do the gays do not like Eddie Murphy very homophobic in his early work. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've seen it. Woo, woo, woo! So there'll be a poll on Twitter. Have a vote. Yeah. Get a vote on. Yeah. Sure, there's lots of polls on Twitter.

Oh. Blachyszowski. Nice. Lewandowski. Habianski. Habianski. No, he's on Facebook. Chesney.

He's on Facebook. Fill them last two spots with the four we've got, please. And no, it can't be one of yours. I think it should be John from the Cranberries. No one gives a fuck. No, we do. I want to hear the different opinions. We can have an other option.

Who did we miss? Top 11. We definitely missed some glaring ones make your argument because Mel B is pretty fucking grandfathered in I think

you'd love the Queens of Stone Age mate give them a listen they've got four or five five I have I've seen them live

party in the park 1997 96 party in the park I 96 Party in the Park I was minus two What? I was minus two Wasn't Poland

He was just a Cum in his day I was five I was Same Cool Maths There you go

What month was it? Oh hang on July Yeah I was five Alright cool Yeah Was Diana still alive then? She died in 97, didn't she?

She actually died at Party in the Park. August? It's a massive conspiracy. She... Was it August? It was August the 27th, 1997, is my guess. August the 27th? Oh, that's my guess.

31st of August. Bastard. I was right, it's Bosh. Oh, bank holiday weekend? Yeah. What a celebration. Yeah. My nana came into my hotel room in Paris

and went, where have you been? That's how I found out. You Omri Paul. Sounds like a designer label I've done it. What's that? Omri Paul? What are you wearing there? Got a bit of Omri Paul on. It sounds like petrol.

It sounds like one that you get from the fucking Home Bargains. Oh, Omri Paul. Home bargains. What? Oh, Omri Paul. Can we do that again? Do it again. What are you doing there, Omri Paul? Smells like brake fluid.

Can I tell... Oh, what was I going to tell you? Go on, you can tell us anything. Have I told you about the perfume my dad got me, the aftershave my dad got me for Christmas? Go on. I've not told you about it. I think so, but go on. He went to me and got me this aftershave and I didn't recognise it, but obviously I didn't want to say, Dad, what the fuck have you got about it. I think so, but go on. He went to me,

I've got you this aftershave and I didn't recognise it, but obviously I didn't want to say, dad, what the fuck have you got me here? I'm like, what's that? And he goes, I know you might not recognise the bottle,

but it's dead good, it's from Dubai. Is it Oud? Is it what? Oud. Yeah. O-U-D. Is that good?

Middle Eastern aftershaves are genuinely sick. It's a Middle Eastern scent, isn't it yeah yeah well they're all made in a factory in

Munich and you can just buy jargons can't you off everyone's wife I don't know what it is is it nice it can't be good

can it can I just say Chris present wise buying aftershave not sure it's a great I don't like aftershave unless you know I need to have a little smell

unless you know someone wears that aftershave. No, I like getting a new one, me. What, just out of the blue, give it a try? Yeah. I've been gifted aftershave quite a lot, and it's not always worked out in terms of like... You're going to be interested in my current aftershave. It's Maison Margiela.

That vanilla and tobacco's nice, isn't it? Laura got me some for Christmas. I got Bleu de Chanel for me, for the Christmas on my birthday off. So Mason Margell, I've started a range and it's Familiar Smells.

So mine is... What? It's called When the Rain Stops. When the Rain Stops? So it's from Dublin, 1967 and it's the fresh rain and sun rays. So it's a memory smell. So you weren't alive then?

Or in Dublin? Who sold you this at Slimming World are you alright who's that he's a very very good designer he's from Dubai

you'll have heard of him but there's loads of different scents when the rain stops yeah so like that's just like stinks you remember

when the rain stops in Dublin in 1967 you remember that don't you oh yeah now that you say it of course don't take him. But there's loads

of different ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When my dad farted in Scunthorpe, 1988. Oh, my God. That was a bad one, that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When the cat shat, Preston, 93. Come on your pillow, 2009. Come on your pillow. What does that smell like? Smells like come on a

pillow. My gooch when I've been wearing cycling shorts last night. Smells like cum on a pillow. My gooch when I've been wearing cycling shorts last night. Smells like cum on a pillow. What are you talking about? Are you buying memory smells? It's memory. What's going on, Carl? I'm worried about you, mate.

I didn't buy it. It was a gift and it smells fucking lovely, mate. You've been sold up the river, do you, lad? It's just fucking rainwater in a bottle. Charging you fucking two grand a pop. Which river? River Ribble, low tide, 1995.

Stinks as shite. But it's Mason Margella. He's been to Dubai. I thought I was a suggestible consumer but you are. I didn't buy it. It was a gift. Yeah, but you like it,

don't you? Yeah, he loves it. What's being... Yeah, I like it. What's wrong with liking things? How many pop-ups have you got here? Oh, here we go.

I can't fucking read any of them can you read them what are the smells go on what are the smells it's called jazz club

there you go yeah it's the jazz club one it's when you're in a jazz club warm and cosy beach walk footy dick it's all pretentious 2012

there's when the rain stops then I've got the footy dick whispers in the what library oh yeah yeah whispers in the what library oh yeah yeah whispers in the library yeah yeah yeah i've also it's a library have you have you also smelt death threats in

asda that's really nice as well i think that's from somewhere called gaylord what it's where harry's in uni isn't it i think that's from gaylord oh in, in Oklahoma? Yeah. Gaylord, Oklahoma. Gaylord University? When a Gaylord... Oh, it's Gaylord College, part of the University of Oklahoma. Just so we don't get fucking... Your laptop's shite.

But yeah, a Mason Mars yellow replica. Some of them smell wonderful. I haven't bought, because I was in Dublin. It's a nice smell. Just saying, that's what it is. You weren't in Dublin in 1967.

I wasn't, no. But when the rain stops, it smells like the deweys Bit of afterwards With a D Got all sloss dogs haven't we Danny's here Oh yeah You know

I came down to see This Yeah you walked in And you were like Yeah yeah yeah And you walked straight Like most people hang in the lobby For a bit

You brought your Are they both your brothers Aye You brought both your brothers in And you were like Yeah yeah yeah And you walked straight Like most people hang in the lobby for a bit You brought your two Are they both your brothers? Aye You brought both your brothers in And you were like Yeah I've just come to show these displays Because I want them to steal all your ideas Essentially yeah

For your podcast Well just because you know Me and Kai have done a podcast for Seven or eight years now And it's never improved in quality Fan base or output. And that is through, just because we put no fucking effort into it because we're on the road most of the time.

We do know the stuff. Yeah. It's a great podcast. Also, I'm not doing any of this work. I'm never going to do that. I don't know anyone that's going to do it. You're too good for it. But you've got brothers.

You're not like these fucking idiots. These guys. You're talented. You're talented. you've got brothers. You're not like these fucking idiots. These guys. I work for it. You're talented. You're talented. Like me and Dan. You're not a fucking idiot like everyone over there.

No, I'm here. Just... I'm a little bit... I just want my brothers who have like a different perspective of money and I'm like, yeah, you'll do this for like a hundred quid. They're like, yeah.

And I'm like, great. Then that's... You could learn and just go and... Sounds familiar, boys sounds familiar boys sounds familiar yeah but you can't sack your brother so let's hope it works out with them you can i've done that oh fair enough you're on a tightrope yeah it's a it's a family business don't get me wrong it does it does feel like there is a bit of tory to it being like we're going to start a business and it's all going to be my family members and my friends. We're going to get a higher wage

than everyone else but it's because I trust them more than all those pesky working classes. That's the one thing that like went, because like we're massively anti-Tory on this and socialist ideals and all that sort of stuff.

Well, I'm off. I'll see you lads later. When they're like, oh, they gave contracts to their best friends who weren't necessarily qualified for the job and i'm like i'll make you pp it'll take me two years to lay in but you know

carl was on his way back from japan he was like i'm gonna be on the door we were like just figuring it out as you go how. How about being on our door? I've never been on the door, and I wasn't going to be. I was just going to get a job. I tried to sign up to the door when I was about, I'd left high school, and my parents were like, right, you're allowed to pursue stand-up. The gap here that everyone takes at the end of uni,

you can take it pre-uni, pursue your dream for a year and see if anything happens. And I was like, I'll also sign up to the dolan this time. every time i was in they were like why are you signing for dolan i'm like i don't earn enough for my job and they're like okay we need proof that you're looking for a job i'm just the whole time like i have a job i'm a comedian and they're like uh-huh so it's fucking everyone we get in here could you also maybe tell us your goals to get in a real job and i'm like what i'm I'm just going to keep doing, traveling 400 miles for no money. But don't worry, my dad's driving me.

I don't have a car. I've just been like, that's dally. Give me, and they just, they never fucking. Because they want you to go and like try and get a job at HMV or something. Yeah, yeah. And have proof of it. You don't have to have proof. You just have to write it down.

This is actually the truth. So when I was on the door, they would give me, I'd arrive for me like every two weeks, you go in so they can go, right, have you been looking for work? You have to go, right, fill this form in and tell us where you've been looking for work.

Or maybe they give you it and you take it with you and you fill it in while you're on and you bring it in. So you write down like, establishment, and I'd put like, Greg's the bakers. What did you do to seek a job?

I went in and asked the woman if they were hiring. Result, they're not hiring. But they are selling state bakes. Result, seven. Because I was on the door for a little bit

when my bar job got too clashy with stand-up. I was like, right, well, I can't do bar work anymore, but I need money in here and nothing from stand-up.

So I was like, right, I'm on the doorle for a bit. Just to get the 30 quid a week they'll give you. Just so I could give my dad it and be like, here's your rent. I'm going to Scarborough for fuck all. And yeah, so you just have to write it.

But I would sit in my dad's house and just write about all these jobs that I was applying for that I had. I went into lab brokes again. They still don't hire 16 year olds no this is all i did this it's alleged i went to the mafia comedy i went to the mafia asked if i could be a made man i did start making some more like just to start putting in the address and the mafia's like you didn't put down her address did you yeah no it's just

the door people fucking scouse mafia i mean may came with me once to hand it in and he was like i was like i need one more because i didn to hand it in and he was like i was like i need one more because i didn't fill it in and he went lad i dare you to ask her if she's hiring and i did so she was like what's the last one i was like have you got any jobs going here she was like no i was like pop that down you're not trying imagine she'd said yes just like in Tim Allen's just quit quit on the spot yeah fucking

now my job's here in a bit it's like the little fucking tie she has to wear is like Tim Allen's the Santa Claus she just like takes it off puts it off you

and then she she's vanished oh my god where's she gone Scarborough the fuck off yeah you're in that job until someone asks

the magic question yeah that's my other job can I go I'm free Yeah, you're in that job until someone asks the magic question. Yeah. That's my job. I'm free! Working in the dole office is the career version of it follows. You just have to pass it on to someone else. And you're leaving the door like, I'm so sorry.

How long will it be? I've been here for 67 years. We're at a dole office in Liverpool. It could be a while. Have you ever had any other job? Well, not a real job. I did have a job before this. I was a paintball referee.

Because, I mean, I'll say the name of the company, Bedlam. Basically, I think it's one of those businesses where they just like, and we'll give you the opportunity to start your version of Bedlam up here. It's like McDonald's. It's a franchise thing. So my mum, when I was still at school, one day I came home from school, she was like, you've got a job.

And I went, what? She was like, I was just at the corner shop today. And there was a little, like one of those tag pull-away things, help wanted. They're looking for a bunch of teenagers to be a paintball referee, and you're getting picked up at half past five in the morning on Saturday for your first shift.

So, like, a bit annoyed on my weekends. First problem this time. Oh, man. Where was it? It was in a place called Edsoff, so just slightly north or south of Aberdeen, but it was two and a half hours and our boss

Whoa, you lived in Fife? Yeah Which is the arsehole between the butt cheeks of Glasgow and Edinburgh No, it's north It's the weird extra dog head on the dog head and it's scum but like St Andrews is there and it's technically part of Fife

but if you ask anyone from Fife if St Andrews is part of Fife they'll tell you no because you know they've got University in there. They think they're better than us. But it's a trek to Aberdeen for a Saturday job. Yeah oh yeah and our boss is like an ex-army commander like he refused to let any of us call each other by our second names because it just reminded him of being like a squaddy so I wasn't allowed to be called squad so because they were that is not how

he's seen his life going that's like a security guard on Burger King now it's like you're gonna see me have a fucking flashback boys I'm gonna be a security guard I'm gonna tell people

that the cannon can't come in okay go and stand on that he's over there man he would he would not let us sleep in the car tell people that they can and can't come in. Okay, go and stand on that, Machi. He's over there. Man, he would not let us sleep in the car, even though we were fucking exhausted, because he was like, you've got to get up at 5.30.

That's the way of the army. And I'm like, I don't, I'm not in the army. I'm a fucking paintball referee, you fucking psychopath. Like, he used to make me, because we were 16 years old, being paid, like, just under minimum wage, and we were fucking terrified of this guy. Because he'd killed shepherds out in the desert with his bare hands, right?

He's just got fucking stories. And he would make us sing Lily Allen songs all the way up to keep us awake and to keep him awake. He's like, it's not good when the radio does it. Come on, is this a real person? No, no, no, no, no. Hang on. He killed shepherds with his bare hands. Like Lily Allen.

And now he's a paintball referee manager. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or team leader. And Lily Allen's superman. No team leader to what he did. It was, I can either hire adults to do this, or, and adults will be like, hey, this isn't like how people should be treated in a job.

So you get teenagers who don't know any better and they're like, well, you know, I guess people at the Royal Bank of Scotland have to sing Lily Allen for their boss during lunch breaks. Was he a Lily Allen fan? No, I think he was just making us very, it was Hayes, man. Like he'd been Hayes in the army and clearly, you know.

I thought Hayes was when you did a bit of pot. Man, if that had been the car ride, I would have sang Lily Allen myself. Turned the radio off. Yeah? He... It was... Yeah?

It's a joke. It was a nightmare job because the only people that go to paintball are stag doos, hen doos's shitty fucking work do's and cunts birthday parties except for our boss who had the genius idea of also you know it was up in an area like aberdeen it's near dundee where there's a lot of troubled youths so there were like schools for troubled kids and whenever those teenagers had been good for like five weeks and they hadn't broken a cat's neck or stabbed each other. They were like, well, the reward is

we're gonna send them out into the forest. Weaponized weapons. I hate those kids in our school. They got BMXs. Yeah, they got quad bikes. They built them a quad bike track on our school grounds. And they were like, oh yeah, they're for the kids who stab each other

when they don't stab each other. If you didn't do a fire in a week, you got like a fucking, you got like a boat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're just like do a fire it's the most unfair fucking thing but

hang on were these kids special needs or just like animals so when we were like like right Adam and Carl they're just moderate

all year round we were gobshikes they just get exams yeah but these guys stab each other once a month we need to stop the stabbing right

so it'll be if you don't stab each other then you get a quad bike day. Yeah. But like, we should have had a quad bike day every fucking week. Yeah.

Because we didn't stab anyone, allegedly. You never got caught. And then they all got expelled in the last week of year 11. Like, maybe 20 of them got expelled in one go.

Wow. One of the kids, right, this is how like, troubled they were. So, it's just me and another teenager are in charge of like, groups of, and this is how troubled they were. So it's just me and another teenager.

I'm in charge of groups of two teams of 20. So there's about 15 kids on his team, 15 kids on my team. They're not gonna listen to us, because we're the same age. In fact, I'm the kid. They beat the shit out of school, and they can smell that on me. So I'm using my big boy voice of being like,

okay, it's very important that you don't, you know, when we're out in the field, you have to wear your masks at all time and you can't aim your markers. Markers is the name of the guns. And you've got to have your hopper. And that's the thing that has all the... Yeah, the round thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And man, the one thing that was fucking drilled into us by our army guy was like, anyone with their fucking masks off, it's one warning and then they're fucking gone. Like this shit takes people's eyes out i'm not getting fucking sued and if we are getting sued i'll fucking blame you for it right so again tell these kids not to put the fucking masks off first thing they do is

fucking take their masks off and one of the guys i'm like i'm just i'm like i can't intimidate them i'll reason with them i'll do this thing that no adults tried before i'll talk to them on a human level and i'm like look these are really dangerous. They come out the end of the market, like 200 feet per second. I know it's just paint, but like, you know, to explode, it's got to have a high level of fucking impact. And this kid just picked up the gun and to the side of his head, held it down for like three seconds until like purple paint was going down the side, just like, and I was like you know keep it mate keep it that it's fine

tell you what if I had your face I wouldn't wear a mask either because those are beautiful eyes I've killed fucking six cats I used to go paintballing

every two weeks when I was like 13 for like two years it fucking stings like nothing else it's like never been paintballing hitting on the like the back by your spine

I was the team captain of our little squad. Worst bits between, like, you wear your overalls and you wear your helmet mask there, and the worst bit there is on the fucking neck, right? So after my first shift of doing it, I get pelted twice, right? And it's, like, fucking bleeding like a big gummy fucking vampire thing.

And going to school on the Monday, I'm so excited to tell everyone the fact, you know, even though the job's shit, it doesn't matter paintball referee sounds cool as fuck Yeah it does. Yeah, yeah, they don't have to know the fucking truth of it. I tell all the girls you're the paintball team captain mate. Mate, I told my girlfriend at the time that

I was a fucking paintball referee and she broke up with me because she thought that was a lie for the love bites on my neck. I had this! My mum was like, what are you doing like girls? He broke up with his mum Get I had this. My mum was like, what are you doing like girls? He broke up with his mum. Get out the house. My mum was like,

why are you letting these fucking dirty bitches suck on your neck? And I was like, I'm not, it's a paintball injury. She was like, oh, that's what they all say. I'm a captain. Fuck you. Fuck you very, very much.

If they're love bites, that does explain the three on my arse, but it doesn't explain the six across my chest and the four on my shin. I fucking love you, baby. Suck my shins. Jesus. Suck my shins.

I used to hate the referees, because you'd want to carry on. Aye. Have you got eight? Oh, they all hate you. And by the way, when you and your friends are playing fucking paintball against each other and you're all wearing fucking camo and you can't see each other and you're bored and you want to shoot something, who better to shoot than the cunt not hiding in a red overall and a yellow mask? So you just fucking sit there and you get hit all the fucking time.

And you're like, sorry, Marshall. Sorry, Marshall. I didn't mean that, mate. Oh, Marshall. Sorry, Marshall. I didn't mean that, mate. Pfft. Oh, don't do it again. Oh, no. Though we did used to, like, so they had paintball grenades, which weren't great. It was just paint with an explosive thing in it. And they would throw that. They had smoke grenades.

Smoke grenades were sick. You felt like you were really in norm then. Aye. There was one, we had a bunch of squaddies in once, right? And we were very, very nervous for them coming in, because we thought they were going to be like the worst fucking behaved but because their sergeant their major whatever was there man in line to fuck drunk as hell but in line to fuck it was one of the most like they were the only people that paintballed like information and like they would instead of

me talking to the entire team they'd send a captain up to talk to me and then he'd go and tell his fucking troops what to do. And they'd all call me fucking sir. It was amazing. And there was one point one of the guys- Hang on, were they retired or were they cadets? It was a mix. So it was like-

Just army nonces, basically. No, no, like they, no, no, they were like, it was like their decompression, but not like their first thing back. These were the ones that were like, they'd gotten out for a bit and they were like i miss i miss shooting cunts from a boot all right yeah so uh they come out one guy was like do you have any duct tape and immediately i'm like they're a man i know this is capture the flag but you're not allowed to pin your mate down hog tie him and take him back to the base and he's like mate I would never do anything as stupid as that I promise you

it's just for the overalls and I'm like alright you know fair enough I'm not going to fucking question him and then during the during the fight I just see this fucking cunt and he'd strapped two of the smoke things to his leg with fucking duct tape, had let them off

and was just fucking sprinting down as a distraction, now the smoke's good when it's stationary, but when you're running, it's man, it just looks like you're playing fucking light bikes. There's just like a little trail behind you. But what is it? It looks like you're going dead fast, don't it? Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you put a carton in the back of your bike and you're like, like that is that that is the paintball vision of that, isn't it?

It's like, how fast are you smoking off there? It's like he's just been sonic and he's been spinning for like a couple of seconds they literally tied smoke to his ankles and went listen take one for the team

and run in that ran the direction but the smoke wasn't distracting but what was distracting was at the end of it

the phosphorus burning into his fucking skin so he was running and laughing and then it just became like shrieks of actual fucking pain. And for the first time on the paintball course,

I heard an army person genuinely yell out, Medic! And I'm like, I'm not qualified. I'm not qualified for any of this. I had to take it back and I'm like, one of them has like phosphorus burns. And he's like, it's one of the squaddies. And I was like, yeah yeah he's got those before

that's not like that's not the first time they've done this fucking ploy I used to love the paintball holy shit we should go again we need to go I'd love to fucking shoot you

you know usually you want to do airsoft is the one now where it's the guns are better they look more like actual fucking guns it's a higher rate of fire and it's just little balls

and they they fucking hurt less I think that's is that outdoors yeah I think so yeah yeah how do you know you've been hit it's a higher rate of fire and it's just little balls and they they fucking hurt less i think that's outdoors yeah i think so yeah how do you know you've been hit do you have to admit because obviously with paintball and you can see the evidence sometimes but some man paintball sometimes don't burst and that's when they're fucking hard so it is an honesty thing and again stags hens work do's and scummy kids don't have any honesty in them so you're like you got hit and they're like i didn't go ahead and you're like you got hit and they're like

I didn't get hit and you're like I can see you look like a Jackson Pollock yeah exactly just go no not me boss didn't get hit at all

also like it depends on whether you're taking it seriously when the marshal's like you're hit you're out you're like no I'm not I've got four loads of bullets there fuck off

you've been hit you're out one of the kids scouts paintball there's no rules well Frodian was obviously heavily scouts when we used to go there and people would hide in the little huts

and you'd just sneak up and just put a fucking paint grenade through the window and you'd do One of the scummy kids got a handful of five of the paintballs like he was holding a very loose bunch of fucking grapes and he just squeezed them over a stick and I was like, what the paintballs like he was holding like a very loose bunch of fucking grapes and he just squeezed them

over a stick and I was like what the fuck are you doing and he just went paint knife like I just have to get paint on them right and then they're out of the game

and I'm like you don't get to play in the next that's incredible oh it's not incredible but a 16 year old being like if I get this on his neck does that count as me getting him

I'm like yeah in courts in courts. In courts, that also counts. What was he holding? An actual knife? No, no, a stick. But he called it. No, that's fine.

You're a fucking cunt, you. You should have let him play on. Paint knife? Paint knife's a great idea. That's innovative. You should reward that. That's creativity. They were already being rewarded.

That's why they were at the fucking paintball. You've got to reward the creativity there. Nah, I'm not doing paintballing with these. Noball you gotta reward the creativity there nah I'm not I'm not doing paintballing with these no I've got an actual gun

and I'm painting the bullets who's gonna win that's what we do just shoot him no you could make a bayonet out of it

you can get a big twig stick it on the fucking end of your paintball paint the end of it yeah fucking stabbed you

out just a fucking tin of fucking toothpaste being like I'm a fucking paint vampire. Who's getting caught? If I kissed them

with all this fucking paint in my mouth. I'd treat it to real me. I'd shoot someone. How did you make Captain? Say your last words, you fucking twat. Three in the chest. That's how you make Captain. Professional job. Executing people. Not one in the head, no. Three in the chest. That's how you make a professional job.

Executing people. Not one in the head, no. Three in the chest. It's quite inefficient, isn't it? You should just one in the head. Three in the chest is a professional job. You can survive a bullet in the head. I'm sorry, what?

You can survive a bullet in the head better than three in the chest. Yeah, but only in the one in a million stories. Hang on, what? Take no chances, Daniel. Take no chances. Nah, the head's overrated. Three shots to the arm.

Three to one. Sorry, you've got a better chance of surviving a bullet to the head? Than three in the chest, yeah. Is it? Yeah. How do you know that, Captain? I just know it.

If you blow someone's arse. From your training. Right. How shit have you got to be to shoot someone in the head and not kill them it's nothing to do with you it's not the marksman

it's the it's the head I think it is I think if like I don't I understand what you say people have been shot in the head and survived

but I don't think anyone's been shot between the fucking eyes and they're like you dumb cunt you fool but they reckon if you put they reckon if you put like a pickaxe in the middle of your head

and just tap it in, then it changes your personality. Yeah, it does. You sound so cabbage. I definitely think it would affect your gigs. No, apparently like people have been like really arrogant and cocky and then they've had the pickaxe done there

and then they're really gentle souls. I done there. Get me a pickaxe. And they're really gentle souls. I think that's just from the fucking punishment. If I was a cunt, and then somebody put a pickaxe to my head, hammer at the other end, and I walked away with a clear murder attempt, I'm like, I'm going to change my outlook on life. I don't think there's a...

A brain surgeon's not going to be like, well, you know what? Knock the... What's the fucking one from Happy Gilmore? The Abalongara? I don't think that's a a brain surgeon's not going to be like well you know what it knocked the what's the fucking one from Happy Gilmore the Ablongata oh yeah the Abdullah Ablongata

yeah it's not that being knocked into the back of the head it's the fact that some ice climber I'm telling you it's a thing google it can't you change someone's personality by putting a pickaxe in the front of their head

yeah definitely google that we're going to get thrown off Google. Can you conge? Finn uses the internet. Can you change someone's personality type on Tinder by hand? By hand? There was a very sad Google guest there, which was, can you change somebody's personality on Tinder?

Oh, no. Honey, just delete Tinder. just delete tinder it's not i don't think it's true adam you can't i could change your personality with a pick up this podcast you know what happens i realize i was told so many things when i was younger that i've just believed about pickaxes you are very much the joe rogan of this podcast i just i Do you know what I just I like the world

to be more interesting Do you know how big a pickaxe is like the end of it Well maybe it's not a pickaxe Maybe an ice pick You think of an ice pick Yeah yeah

Maybe it's like the one he used to fucking escape from Shawshank Redemption Just put change personality That's for 15 years You're gonna be

a different person Yeah He's just walking around the yard just dropping small bits of Adam's brain onto the ground and stamping it in. Deep brain stimulation. I don't think it's tapping it on the head, though.

How therapeutic tapping can alter neural correlates? Tapping, tapping. And when have you... All this gear. There's nothing to do with pickaxes, though. That's disgusting. Get that pickaxe off. I've heard getting your legs blown off in a war

changes your personality quite heavily. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It changes your route to work as well. Wait. Gee, oh. Changes your feelings towards fireworks. Do you know what I mean? When you get told an interesting fact like that,

it's just better to just have it be a fact than Google it and find out it's not true. Can you sit in the front seat if you're under 16 or is my grandad chatting shit he's chatting shit can you what

bastard can you sit in the front seat of a car of a car if you're under 16 yeah yeah you're also

despite what everyone you're allowed to my grandad was always if I was ever fucking reading in the back of the car because this is in the day before phones

the lights the light it's illegal for you to drive with the light reading in the back of the car, because this is in the day before phones. The lights! The light. It's illegal for you to drive with the light on in the back of the car. I still believe that. No. It's not true. Oh, I thought that, yeah.

Yeah, no. It's inconsiderate, isn't it? Even though in the front as well, turn it off. I thought, yeah, you can't be, you've got to be 16. I'd be like, oh, fucking police. And then he put me in the front to seem cool.

And when the police had drive past, he'd go, get your head down. I'm not even missing. Get your head down. Suck my then he put me in the front To see him cool And when the police had drive past He'd go get your head down And we're even missing Get your head down Suck my dick You're up the front You've got to earn this You've got to earn this

And if you do suck If you do suck your grandad's dick No matter what he says Have you got dick? It's a fucking car driving story Suck your head down He wasn't a paedophile But he got a pickaxe to the head

Nightmare Bad paedophile pickaxe a pickaxe to the head Nightmare Bad paedophile It's paedophilia out of personality Well I mean Yeah What is it? A way of life?

Yeah it is It's a trait There was that There was that fucking about 10-15 years ago there was a guy who Yeah it's not a personality trait I'd put in my fucking

Tinder bio Or on my family tree No work smart Not hard looking to settle down No single mums No time wasters Please or police Kids in the back

There was that guy About 10 or 15 years ago He was a dad of two and he went one day And he dropped his kids off at school And he felt sexual urges towards like the other kids was obviously immediately fucking ashamed, turned himself into the police and the police were like, well, thanks, but like fancying kids isn't a crime. No. Unfortunately, acting on it is.

Paedophilia isn't a crime. Until you. Yeah. Paedophilia is just being attracted to minors the kids not people with pickaxes he's on strike again to be fair

a pickaxe is how I would cure most paedophiles that's all I've got to say hang on hang on if you're a if you're a nonce and you're having noncy feelings

you can't go to the the police and go spiderman you can't if you get bit by a paedophile, do you get paedophilic strengths? Just jizz everywhere.

Oh, God. Just you throwing candy bottles. You can't go to the police and be like, listen, I've not done anything, but I'm having some noncy thoughts. You can't go to the police,

you can't go to a therapist. You know Johnny Pelham? The comedian? Yeah. I'm having some you can't go to a therapist you know Johnny Pelham the comedian I'm pretty sure both of his parents work with non-offending paedophiles

oh god pretty sure pretty sure we all took a lesson out of fucking Dan's getting

a message pretty sure I think he's a paedophile hang on do you know paedophilia paedophilia

do you know Johnny Pelham pause I'm pretty sure dinky's a paedophile. Hang on. Do you know paedophilia, paedophilia? Do you know Johnny Pellan? Pause. I'm pretty sure both his parents, pause, work with non-convicted paedophiles. Yeah, he's their therapist. They were like, right, you want to bum kids? Well, don't.

And they're like, nice one. 200 quid, see you next week. It's a fucking easy job. You'd be fucking brilliant. I'm a non-sithos. Stop it. It's awful 210 cost of living

hang on is there not like a soft register no so what happened was there's a hard register if you've done something soft register

thinking about it it's called a soft register because you don't get the erection yeah nice touche it's like therapy he turned himself in to doctors and they did a brain scan and they found a tumour in his brain Touche It's like therapy And he turned himself In To doctors

And they did a brain scan And they found a tumour In his brain Oh And then They removed it Yeah No no

The second If If paedophiles deserve anything It's cancer Hang on So Hodge kids lymphoma Fucking bodge kids

Oh my God. That's the 299th. That's the line, is it? That's not okay. Pedo cancer. Fine. A little pun. Everyone's, oh.

You can't go and fucking suck my dick. Puns are really offensive. Leukidia. Would have been better. Can you really get a tumour that makes you an aunt? Ah, so they took it out. Dr. Sloss. Yeah. I mean, it's a fucking famous ass fucking study. can you really get a tumor that makes you an aunt so they took it took it out dr sloss yeah i mean it's mad it's a fucking famous ass fucking study it was 15 years ago because it obviously changed

the way a lot of people you know at least scientists thought about fucking pedophiles because it can be learned behavior it can be trauma-based behavior but when this guy got it removed all the thoughts and feelings were gone until four years later they came back went for another brain scan and the tumor was back was back. Oh, my God. So, at that point... That might be the only positive paedophilia story you'll ever hear. You know what I mean? Because him going, look at that eight-year-old.

Got him checked again. Is he dead? That's mad, that. Yeah. Just a wee poking on your brain. Yeah, I suppose there's a part of your brain that does your sexuality, and what your kinks and that sort of changes. Then you could, bumming kids. And that's what we brought Daniel on to talk about.

If you want to fuck a kid, get yourself checked for cancer. That's the version of like women checking their breasts every month. Do you have any... Just every month, just do a little, feel around,

and see if you've got any Tom Ben's just around the top there. What are you doing at the swimming pool? You haven't got any kids. I'm just checking. I've seen if I've got cancer. Thank you. I've got the all clear. Wow. But then again, if you do do it, like if they can't remove the tumour, if they're like,

that's too far in there, that'll kill you. You're like, I think that's the only other alternative. Really? Like, don think that's the only other alternative. Really? Don't just, all right, well. Did I hear you, you've had a little break from the wee? Did you do dry January?

Talking about changing your... Mindset. No, it was smooth. Smooth. It was a screech on it, so yeah. Did you have a little break from the weed? I did, in a way. I was going to do full sober January. Did you get 11 days into it and then have a birthday

and think, fuck it? Essentially, yes. Yeah, okay, that's fair. Is your birthday in January? My birthday is September the 11th. What a day. And I feel awful. I was 11 years old on the day

and I feel fucking awful because that is what I'd wished for. But I didn't think, I didn't, the years before, the years before I wished for a puppy, the years before I wished for an Xbox, nothing.

The one year, the one year, the one year I wish for both trade centers to go down. Fuck, oh man, I didn't know. A birthday cake with two really tall candles.

Blow them out. Blow them out. Those candles are burning in a way that candles don't normally burn. They're way down to the ground. That's what happened with the one that was headed to the White House. They were like, Daniel, unwishy. A second cake has been delivered to Daniel Sloss's house. A second cake

has been delivered to Daniel Sloss's house. A second cake has been delivered to Daniel Sloss's house. George Booth reading Spot. How was your time off the puff? I mean, fine. I mean, I'm definitely a fucking addict with it. And then when I come off, I'm like, oh, I'm not an addict because I focus on something else.

I exercise heaps more. I feel a lot better about myself. And then after two weeks, I'm like, you're in control. Why not? But the only reason I fully fucking broke it was in 2019 for my brother's Christmases, because they were both finally over 18. I was like, I'm going to take you to Amsterdam.

We're going to get fucking stoned as fuck and have the time of our lives. We did that a couple of weeks ago. Yeah, had some pot. It's the best. And then COVID happened. We're going to get fucking stoned as fuck and have the time of our lives. We did that a couple of weeks ago. Yeah, had some puff. It's the best. And then COVID happened. So obviously for two years,

I couldn't take my brothers to Amsterdam. And then my rescheduled tour dates were in January. And I'm just like, I love Sober Jan. I do it every year. And I respect people that fucking do it. But I do hate people that are so committed that they're blind to that one day. Like their partner gets a promotion at work and they're like ah not not celebrating with you we've been trying for a baby for five years too late bitch i don't care how pregnant you are it's january 18th i'm not

celebrating i mean if you find out you're pregnant you probably shouldn't be drinking You can get fucking blabbed at me. Yeah. I mean, as the dad, you've got to, hey. Oh, no, you can't. I've got to wet the baby's head. It's still wet. It's inside of me. Do you reckon Ketterman's good if you're pregnant now? Who do you think? It's the pickaxe man.

Right, ignore him. Could you Google that, Finn? Yeah, is Ketterman good for unborn babies? Let's do it quick. I'm going to say no. Mate, we love Amsterdam. The special's out now, isn't it? This is going out.

Kind of. If you're watching it before Friday. Hang on, when's this? No, no, no. Special's going out Friday the 10th. This is going out. This is next week's episode. Yeah.

So, yeah. Be out on Friday. Friday the 10th of February, the Amsterdam special. Watch Karl get so high for eight minutes. It was more than eight minutes. It felt like more. It did. Did you partake? I did shrooms the whole time. Oh, really?

I had a really jolly, jolly time. But you're unlike Carl and Adam, you're not inexperienced to those drugs, really. It's been a long time since I've shrooms, like 15 years since I've had shrooms and 10 years since I've had a pill i've done a little bit of cocaine but you know that part of your brain so when it's awoken from its slumber you're not like oh well last time i had a pill it was too intense way too strong and i ended up sitting

and watching a club night go by and just as as I got over that, you know when it's overwhelming, both physically and mentally, it was just too strong. And I was like, oh, cool. I've got a bit of energy. And they were on the last like 10 minutes of the club night. So I was just fucking bouncing around an after party. Mushrooms, I know you can't go weird on people.

Like, oh, did you like have a weird, I don't think you can on shrooms. You just get really giggly. Everything's fun. You feel like the fuck... You feel like a marshmallow man. It's really... I love it. It depends on the mushrooms you have.

The ones you add are like little dotty ones, but like the ones... They're truffles, aren't they? Yeah, the big ones that look like mushrooms. Like they can be really... The portabellos. Yeah. Well, the ones I had felt fucking brilliant.

And I... i i'm really fussy i tried as a former pill head i was like cool i don't have to chew this i'll just get a bit of water we did it while you were losing your mind i was out on the street going because it was so lumpy and they smell horrible and then someone chewed them because it releases the psilocybin quicker so the first ones and I'd had a good chunk of them, I just swallowed them straight and nothing happened for three hours. It was weird.

He had gone and come back. Carl of the Tawaiti, I was part of them. I was baked. Oh my God, they kicked him when we were watching a sex show in Amsterdam. I've been blazing me. Yeah, blazing is what they call me. Her pussy's melting.

That's not the shroom's dad. Oh my God, it was the cringiest, stupidest sex show ever. It was incredible. The bounce went, lads, you want to sit at the front? So we were like, ah,

this will be funny. And that's the bit where all of the slow digestion of those truffles hit. The strippers got some Asian lads on stage to dance and I have never laughed so much. It was the best thing ever.

And you know what was making me laugh? I was like, Carl's going to be thinking this is so funny. And that was making me laugh. And I kept looking back at Carl and because I was tripping, not tripping, but like me laugh? I was like, Carl's going to be thinking this is so funny. And that was making me laugh. And I kept looking back at Carl. And because I was tripping, not tripping,

but like, and after he was like, yeah, it was funny. Yeah. In my head, I was like. It was so,

you, I watched you. Yeah. Your mouth was open for 20 minutes. So fucking. Just trying to catch the spray. Yeah. Oh my God.

I was at the press in the second week. So just for me, it was brilliant. But because I had taken so many in the second so just for me it was brilliant but because i had i'd taken so many in the day think doing that classic drug thing of like come on where i need to get high we all went to a kfc they ordered a kfc which i think took 25 minutes it took four hours for me and then went home of so so high like just but i can ride it out but like you say i've done it before. I know you're gonna be fine. So I just enjoyed the headspace.

I got in bed, that night thing, cause when we walked back, I felt fine. But when I got in bed and lay down, I realized I was still blazing. All right. That was at 12 o'clock, he smoked at four. The only time I've ever done the Amsterdam truffles was me and Tom Horton went over when we were about 24.

And obviously we did a day of just smoking weed. And he's like, let's try the truffles. So we get some. It's like, take half a pack each. We go into like the bulldog. And I do the thing that you, oh, I chew, right? I'm like, just chew. Because it breaks it up.

It'll go down easier. And it's this horrible fucking earthy taste. Yeah, it's not nice. And like, I'm trying to pour it down with fucking water and everything and also there's like a 20 minutes where man it like it's a fucking

mushroom so your body's like what the fuck is this maybe this isn't good for it to be in your body you've kind of just got to breathe through make sure you don't

throw up because if you throw up it's out of your fucking body but I'm getting like the Tom's like don't throw up because if you throw up we don't have any money for it anymore and like you won't be high and I'm like I'll be good I'll be good drop because if you throw up, we don't have any money for anymore.

And you won't be high. I'll be good. I'll be good. I just need some fresh air. Fresh air will do me good. I walk out into the lobby. Right. And the fresh air hits my nose from an open door.

And my body just goes perfect spew. And like a properly hurl. But I do this thing where I just close my mouth. My fucking cheeks fill up like a fucking chipmunk. I sort of cover my mouth and I go, you're 30 feet away from the door. This is a nice establishment and it's not, but it doesn't deserve sick on it. I'm like, just swallow it down.

And then the canal's there and I swallow it down and I'm like, great. And I take two more steps and my brain, ever my best friend goes did you just swallow sick and my brain went i think we did and i fucking run out this fucking door and like team america spew over like a little group of asians with their flags so they can find each other like a little rainbow over the fucking top of them everything comes out my fucking system tom comes out he's like are you okay and i'm like i mean i feel heaps better to be honest with you he's like well let's get you some more just so i'm not doing this alone and i'm like

absolutely go fuck yourself enjoy your trip man i'm just gonna i'm just gonna get high so got a spliff and we're walking around like the art museums and he's like the walls are melting i'm like shut the fuck up man no they're not like let's just go look at some fucking well you went to the art museum the walls melted for me the worst moment of my entire life happened in the van gogh museum we're not going to say what it was but i've got is it on the special yeah i've got no public cringe you know that you've seen that i wanted the hole in the floor to eat me up me and Carl were playing a game and Carl lost Adam won that game I was in a different part of the gallery

looking at a painting I heard it happen and just sort of went it was like a window and I just had to sort of look out I was so high I heard what was going on if the window had a I would have just walked

out the window like oh that's me done oh my god uh i'm big fan of amsterdam i think you could do it without just getting like i felt like there's so much of an amazing city we didn't we saw 10 percent of it yeah if you, I think the locals also, like, I mean, all fucking locals, hey, all tourists,

wherever you go in the world, but like in Amsterdam, they're like, they waste so much of the city. Like they only stay in this 10% and then the rest of, man, we got a fucking canal boat

during like November and like, even, even though you can buy weeds in a fucking store because of the way this country is, it still feels like weird weird to smoke weed outside. So we're on this canal,

and we've got blankets around us, and we get the fucking joint out, and we're trying to hide it. And we're like, who the fuck? They're only used to stoned British cunts drinking cheap wine on this fucking river. It's, you know, I don't think we'll ever fucking get... Well, you've got a pop boat as well.

We've got a smoke boat. Aye, it's class. Man, it's such a stunning...'t think whatever we got a pop boat as well we got a smoke boat aye it's class it's such a stunning did you end up going to did you go to Anne Frank's

we ran it loud Dan wouldn't let us go he didn't trust us he didn't because we've done that when you watch the special patreon.com slash have a word pod

watch the bit in the Van Gogh museum right watch that bit where I would have if the glass wasn't there, ended my own existence,

high, looking at sunflowers, and tell me why I didn't want to go to Anne Frank's house with these two fucking animals. Yeah, but you're allowed to be loud and erratic now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not this loud.

We did the Nou Camp camp we went to Barcelona for the rugby special we went to the new camp we paid about 180 euros each for the exclusive like you're the swanky cunt tour and there's a bit

where you get to stand on the fucking thing in the press conference room so everyone gets up Adam gets up can you talk about what's going on no we're not talking

about that I went oh I'll have a go Carla goes will you answer the allegations of being a paedophile that loud the room is full of people

just families going imagine that on shrooms shoot me in the fucking head that was my finest moment actually my finest moment was definitely the Van Gogh museum

I didn't cringe I just found it dead funny. Like it was funnier than it was cringey for me. Hey, by the way, if you ever want to film in Amsterdam, be careful, because they'll try and... Oh, you can't be filming here, we'll throw your camera in the car. I think Anne Frank was vlogging, that's why they got so annoyed with her. Is that the history? Was she a YouTuber or something?

They were like, hi, you cannot do a film in the attic. They're all very threatening. They're all subtle. You can't film in the end. We can't tell you why, but you will be dead. It would be very bad

for you and your whole family if you were to film on a train because they will die from a bullet to the face. Anyway. Have a nice holiday. And that might change your personality.

Three to the chest, maybe. I don't know. Three to the chest, one to the head. Whatever. Don't do it on a tram. Break time. I should have a break.

Oh, yeah, we'll have a break. Bye. Let's land this plane of a podcast. Tell you what, energy drink I love. Sneak. Sneak energy drink.

What's that one, Dan? This is, mmm, Icy Blast. It's called Blizzard. You love that one. I just guessed because of the graphics, but this is mmm Icy Blast it's called Blizzard you love that one I just guessed because of the graphics but this is the new one

I like watermelon strawberry and bubblegum watermelon's probably the worst food in the world merch looks nice though underrated

overrated watermelon is rated watermelon might as well not exist no one would notice I would it's a great flavour for sweets

I'd just add watermelon It's horrible Oh I love watermelon It doesn't taste anything Banana's Banana's the worst We've been there We've got annoyed about this previously

Banana flavoured things Taste more like banana Than bananas Bananas are so It's good though isn't it Every banana Oh that's wrong The texture and the taste of banana

Is like Somebody else has chewed a banana left it in their mouth for a bit and then spat it back into your mouth I think the complete opposite to you Banana flavour is disgusting Bananas are quite nice Banana flavour is heavy, bananas are just like mushy shite

But if you like sneak they don't do banana flavour Use code word 10 Do you think mobility scooters are overrated? Well, for us, yeah. I think, well, you know, I'm all for them until they're in my way. And then you're like, why are you at a theme park?

Your life's a ride. You don't need to go on the big spinning upside down ones. It's that mobility scooter going around a car park. It's their theme park. He's having the time of his life or it's broken. So, you know, but I don't bother strangers. Do you know if I ever run for president? That's this year, is it?

Of where? Prime Minister then. Whatever you want. Yeah, that's the next Patreon specialist. I would make it, you have to have a licence to walk in city centres. Yeah.

Correct. People can't walk. Shoot anyone below the speed of two miles an hour in the back of the head or the chest three times. Like, they should have absolutely no rights

if they walk too slow. Correct. Like, I should be able to pick them up and just fuck them out the way so I can get past them. Also, couples who walk down the street

holding hands extended and make no effing It should be socially acceptable to karate chop their fucking You should be able to karate chop them and then get the fella on the floor and finger his bum a bit. Okay, that's the next level. This is what you get for making my day harder

yeah but and he's like okay I've learned no lesson this is class if anything I don't think I love my girlfriend anymore and your chilli sauce on your finger

oh okay you're late as well what well I just thought you're late aren't you I really would get out of the way if Adam's walking down fucking

Bald Street with chilli on his finger Bald Street is the worst city the worst road in the city to walk down bar none no it's not it is pathetic worst city, the worst road in the city to walk down, bar none. No, it's not. It is pathetic.

It's very busy. You walk in the road, it's fine, but if you walk on the pavement... Yeah, everyone walks in the road because it's fucking pedestrianised. What are you talking about? It is very busy.

Bald Street's great for walking. The place to not walk is like Liverpool 1 when you're all boxed in. They've got fast lanes on the floor. I know, but people don't obey them, Carl.

There's fucking stupid old cunt women in the fucking fast lane going, oh, I've got fast lanes on the floor I know but people don't obey them Carl there's fucking stupid old cunt women in the fucking fast lane going oh I've got to get my grandson a birthday card he's not even going to read it you daft swat finger her arsehole birthday cards overrated birthday cards overrated fuck all cards

overrated once you get to the stage where this does nothing like I had birthday cards before this when you're like oh I still check yeah oh every birthday card

42 like from my kids I got a tenner in a Christmas card this year it felt great that tenner the two pangs

I got with that tenner my grandad still to all of his grandchildren whenever we leave after visiting makes you suck them

off in the car yeah yeah yeah. Oh, the shake. The shake. And he'll like, he doesn't do it to me anymore because there was times when I'm like, Grandpa, I really appreciate this, but like, it's, I'm okay.

I'm doing all right. I'm touring Europe, Grandpa. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's, oh, you know what? Fuck it, I won't do it. How much? How much does he lay down? For me, for me, it's like a fiver

but I mean to some of the other grandkids because he's man the end is in sight for him so like he's looking at his bank account being like

you can't take this to heaven or hell where he's going oh shit you might get a handshake and like deeds to a bungalow cousins definitely got on 50 at some point

fucking hell that's a big hands in mate how many times he folded that and this is the same fucking granddad love him dearly but like at some point. She'll be like, fucking hell, that's a big hand he's in, mate. How many times has he folded that? And this is the same fucking granddad, love him dearly, but like was working class as fuck when he was born. Like had to have a job when he was like 12,

had six brothers because they were just like a bunch of, you're going to die, so let's just fucking create stock at this point. Worked his way up to like middle class when he was in his forties. And when me and my cousins were around once, I was about 17 years old. My cousin was 16, my other cousin was 15. i'r cymdeithas cymdeithasol pan oedd yn ei 40au. Ac pan roeddwn i a fy mab a'i gyrwyn yn ystod unwaith, roeddwn i'n 17 mlynedd. Roedd fy mab yn 16, a'i mab yn 15. Ac roedd yn dweud, rwy'n gwybod bod eich mab,

rwy'n gwybod ei fod yn ddechnegol, ond ers bod y diwrnod yma, ac mae'n ystod ein tŷ, rwy'n gofyn i chi rywbeth o alcohol y gallwch chi gael gyda fi. Ac rydyn ni i gyd yn gweithredu nad ydym yn drosodd yn ddifrif. Ac rydyn ni'n dweud, o, mae'n dda, beth? Beth ydych chi'n ei gael? Ac mae'n dweud, wel, roeddwn i pretending we don't underage drink. And we're like, oh man, yeah, what street would you have? And he's like, well, you know, I asked the lady at the shop what like, you know, kids, teenagers drink.

I love, just, yeah, yeah, my name's John, live in a local village. I'm looking to get some kids drunk. Just wondering what you'd recommend. Shake my hand, keep it quiet. No, no, no no They are my grandchildren I've got this big tumour in my brain And it is

Can you see a lump Because I could feel one What was it What was the drink So he goes I got you some monye And we're like what Is it like champagne He's like no no I think it's sparklingarnier. And we're like, what? Is it like champagne?

He's like, no, no, I think it's sparkling, but Marnier. And we're like, fucking what? Posh fucking drink. Is it Marnier? Magners. Oh, Marnier. French Magners. Marnier.

Fucking none of us had thought. He's like, I think it's French. We're like, yeah, from that French territory. Dublin. What year is it, Grandad? Do you know if I'm ever rich, rich, rich, fucking... Monierich. Yeah, I have got Monier on tap. And Guinée.

What's that one? Guinness. Guinness. And Guinée, Monier. What the... I'm not leaving. grandkids a fucking penny, mate. Because I've got a theory that this is a... You know the way capitalism rules the world, pretty much? I think that's the way God wants it. And this level of life and existence is just a game.

And you're supposed to amass as much money as you can. And when you get to the afterlife, they go, right, how much money have you got? Right, that's how much you've got to spend. I think you can take it with you. And that's the whole, that's what this whole life is about. So I'm not leaving my grandkids any money,

giving them a head start when they get to heaven and I've got to go and fucking work in Marks and Spencer's in the fucking sky. So how are you taking it with you? You're getting it cashed and it's going in? No, they check your bank accounts when you get there. Oh, right. It's like, hang on, no, this is promised. Do you know how are you taking it with you? You're getting it cashed and it's going in. No, they check your bank accounts when you get there. Oh, right. It's like, hang on,

no, this is promised. Do you know how inheritances work when you die and you... Yeah. Also, I mean, I think Jesus said it's easier for a camel to throw the eye of a needle

than a rich man to get into heaven. Yeah, but maybe that's just a double bluff. Well, unless you go up there and he's like, you've got heaps of money and you somehow get a camel

and you put it through an eye of a needle and he's like, you've got heaps of money and you somehow get a camel and you put it through an eye of a needle and he's like, fair play, man. I have absolutely no idea how you did that. He didn't specify how big the needle was.

That's therefore being done on YouTube. Hey, he didn't specify how big the needle was. Yeah. So you've got to look deeper, Daniel.

I feel like you don't think about these things. I think you've got to get a massive cash withdrawal, everything in your bank account, put it in the coffin with you. That's the only way to really take it with you.

I think you get up there and you just check your bank God's got access to everything he's omnipotent alright cool has he got your password I've got it God knows

wait he knows he's also God he knows everything yeah he's made it's like you've fucking left it to little Vinny and little Vinny too

Vinny too you're a fucking idiot that's the girl Vanessa here I am guessing here I am the Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ guessing Adam. Here I am, the Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, guessing Adam Rowe's password for his online pancake.

Okay, Salah69. Oh, one, one, one. Did it in one. Salah's 11. Yeah, but 69s are cool. That's sex, isn't it? Yeah. There have to be an exclamation mark in there as well.

Got to be. Got to have an exclamation mark. Should we do some questions? This one's from God. What's your password? It's Matthew. Hello. This is God.

What's happening, boys? Finally caught up on all the public and Patreon episodes. Only took four months. The wife is ready to punch my head in. You lads are great. Keep smashing it. It's from Chris Stalker. Cheers, Chris.

So the reason for the email, I went to see Bert Kreischer in Manchester last week. Cheers, Chris. So the reason for the email, I went to see Bert Kreischer in Manchester last week. Now I know Bert has a party vibe going on and engages well with his fan base, but personally, I felt this went too far with fans trying to be part of the show. It was painful to watch and it got to the point where he was being heckled so bad

he couldn't get his jokes out without being interrupted. Super frustrating for us to watch as we've waited years for him to get to the UK. To be fair, Burt turned it around and smashed it, but it did leave me pissed off about the absolute weapons that were there. Question is, have you lot ever been to a show or been involved in a show

where the audience think they are interacting, but in actual fact, they are just ruining it for everyone else? Also, did any of you go and watch Burt? If so, what were your thoughts on the evening? Chris Stalker. A couple of things. First of all, a lot of people were messaging going,

why hasn't Burt been on Hathaway Ballets yet? Oh, we tried. Burt tried very hard and so did we. When he was originally in Manchester, we were in Amsterdam. When we got back, it was too complicated schedule-wise. He has sort of said next time he's over, we'll make it happen. He tried really, really hard, so did his team. It just couldn't work. complicated schedule wise he has sort of said next time he's over we'll make it happen he tried really really hard so did his team it just couldn't work second of all we basically did a full episode

about this when i got back from remember the edinburgh festival that happened during covid where everyone just did like two dates yeah they were like my first proper gigs back selling tickets to our fan base and we had to do a whole episode because i had fans in who were heckling podcast references to be like hey i'm your biggest fan because i know this phrase aren't i your favorite person in the room and it was the first time we gigged after the success had started so everyone had been locked down there was like this weird fucking it was almost like a fizzy bottle of pop having the top taken off i get it like i get why they're doing it, because they're trying to go, I'll be his favourite person,

because he'll know that I listen to the podcast all the time. In reality, I couldn't hate you more than anyone I've ever met. But that's changed now, hasn't it? Yeah. Like, my tour was almost spotless for those dickheads. It just didn't happen. But, man, with the Burt thing, because of his fucking career,

he became famous off the fucking Machine story. He is the fucking party boy. The danger of being a comedian is, look, man, you cultivate your own fucking audience. You choose who turns up at the fucking next gig by the material you're doing, the podcast, and what they come to see you. Like, you know, with his style of comedy,

I'm like, of course you're getting all the fucking drunken morons because, not that's because what he fucking deserves, but because they're like, it's me, they see it. They're not the people who get, understand fucking comedy to the point where, I mean, it's also- He will have some real comedy fans that love him.

100%, 100%. But if you don't get what else is going on, you just see a party boy and go, I'm a party boy! Man, these are the cunts who talk during the fucking cinema. There's a fucking breed of people who from a young age, for whatever reason,

were just never taken to places where you sit in one direction, you look in one direction, and if you say a fucking word, you're going to get... In Fife, if you spoke during the fucking cinema, you were going to get your head kicked in very early on. Even when we were in fucking like in high school

because they were trying to add some fucking culture to us. They took us out to the theatre and there was like a 15 minute lecture beforehand from the teachers being like, if anyone says a word during this fucking performance, you're dragged out of there by the fucking air and everyone's going home early. Like there's an etiquette to watching a performance

with other people around you that some people just don't get because they're like, it's my favourite person. It's my favourite thing. And I know, and I'm obsessed, and I know so much about their life because I've listened to every fucking second of it.

I go all in though. Buddy, I appreciate it. Shut your fucking mouth. But with stand-up, there's a weird thing of going, you're there and you're talking to me and so I can tell you that... Oh, but you ask all these questions. I know can't but what about you sauce do you get like have you got a crowd that get it and watch it and listen or do they want to join in with

stuff that you and kai have done on the pod or do they reference your specials or no because all of my comedy is fucking dark introverted wank like all of my fans are like ugly weird little introverts who would never dare speak up in public and they're just happy to see me like i'm very i love my fans because after every single show we do anywhere in the world all of the staff are like they're all so lovely my fans are like japanese football fans at the world cup they clean up after themselves like they they're nice to the fucking staff they don't make too much you know scenes but that's also why i'll never have a bra thrown at me my comedy's you know because of the stuff about breakups and deaths and fucking rape and sexual assault i my thing is always i get people afterwards when I meet them

taking me to the site to talk to me for 10 minutes about their dead relative or their doctor. And I'm like- That's not a heckle you want, is it? No, and you can't interrupt these people because they're baring their souls to you. And it's a very tough thing to be honest with someone and to talk about hard time in your life.

And you're like, you're there with a fucking Sharpie hovering going, aha, and when did you get over your father's death it was james was it was james okay that's great thank you so much sauce about your dad but then i always feel and also my fans always bring me weed so if you ever want to speak to me and not have me rush you on put a fucking spliff in my mouth and I'll tell you about my day. Wow. That's what I did at the restaurant special. Don't do a meet and greet,

you do a smoke up. My God, that restaurant special was, that restaurant special was You two were, you and Kai were fucking golden that restaurant special. We were so happy to

be allowed to be part of it. We were so excited just because it was, it was just so silly, even just the cons. The second you pitched it to me, I was like, and I said, can I bring Kai down?

Because we'll just have the time of our fucking lives here. It's going to be fun. And then we turned up and there was like 30 minutes where we were all like, oh God, like this is a real restaurant.

Like even though they just have a word fans and stuff and they know what's going on. Like that's a real waitress. That's a real money. The actual fucking money. And so there was like, oh God, we don't know what they're doing. And then we just all got baked and shit. Oh my, we were working our damn asses off.

Put it on the job. Yeah. I didn't even have a drink after the shift. We should have invited you for some pot. I didn't even drink. I just committed to my job.

Oh, it was so, so very good. If anything like that in the future, if it's just a chance to be silly and slightly cunty to your fans... I want to do a bar one,

but I don't know how it'd work. It might be a bit easy. What would everyone else be doing? So obviously you had the chefs and you had the waiters and then you had the bar staff and you had the maitre d'. but I don't know how it'd work it might be a bit easy what would everyone else be doing so obviously you had the chefs and you had the waiters and then you had the bar staff

and you had the maitre d in a bar what would it be I think it'd have to just be a bigger restaurant you know if we did it again have Amy Lee Owens

as the bouncer that'd be the step one we need to do we'll do another restaurant takeover 100% yeah because in a bar

you're going to want music on aren't you restaurant that's what helped didn't it because everyone sat around and yeah we will do it again though but uh you had to pay two bills didn't you oh i did yeah because i because and it was just it was somebody said because everyone paid beforehand that was the entire fucking point but obviously everyone had to get their own fucking drinks and like three of my table and i was so chuffed because three of my tables had left. I'd done my job. Like they fucking liked it.

And the second I worked out that we weren't working for tips, I'm like, well, we can drop a lot of the mask here. So like the second they were, I'm like, is that you done with your dessert? And they were like, yeah. And I'm like, I fucking see you next time, cunts. That's me clearing out. And then I just see like people like handing over money

and I'm like, oh, maybe other people did get tips. Why would they be handing that over to the lovely head of staff there? And then just suddenly the dawning realisation of, oh yeah, they do all have to pay for their own drinks. And at least- Did you pay? No, I offered to because it was 100% my fuck up.

But I think you guys sucked up the costs. Oh, that's fine. That's absolutely fair. It's been a noble fact. Also, if you did want... No, I paid. I paid. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think it was seven grand bills as well. Yeah, it was. All in boister. 21 grand. Let's close this one out. A little bit of advice. This is from an anonymous Bog Vapor. Oh, you'll love this one Carl

oh do you know what actually I think this is a habit word I'll take it back oh this is oh what are you doing here I do then

that was is that a mashup or I just mash in fact while we're mashing up I'm going to add I love a bit of canna lingus

I love a bit of canna lingus that's one of the buttons now. You can't hear it? Yeah. This is an actual have a word. It says have... Audio listeners, that was atrocious.

I apologise. Have a word with me. My bird doesn't know, but I use my IBS as an excuse to sit on the toilet and drink wine and smoke vapes. I'm not having a word with you. You king. What the fuck are you talking about? You're my boss. I'm an ex a way with you. She's the biggest. You king. What the fuck

are you talking about? You're my boss. I'm an ex-smoker, not a ming. Hang on. We've been together for five years. I've only started doing it

in the past year or so because she wanted me to quit ciggies and drinking in the house so much. I don't think she remembers how much of a boring cunt I am when I'm sober

compared to how much fun we have when I'm a little bit buzzed. Think of Fun Bobby from Friends. I know it's wrong but I think it helps our relationships. Am I in the wrong? Should I confess? Are baby wipes really flushable?

That's from an anonymous pub. Well, that's the 12 empty bottles of fucking shit. What does he think the smell is? Why are you... Red wine is what I have a fucking problem with. Why a drink that you need to let breathe? Would you have it in the one room where you shouldn't let it breathe?

Yeah. Like, that's... Yeah. Have a fucking shot of a fucking... I don't think he's, like, a red wine twat like you clearly are. I think he's just, like, open the Shiraz, get it down your neck.

From the bottle? Yeah. How stupid is she? Why wine, though? Like, people... down your neck. From the bottle? Yeah. How stupid is she? Why wine though? You must... Who's... Is that a thing? Drinking wine and smoking vapes?

Is that... Is that like DMX or something? Yeah, great album. He's going to the toilet, sober, and then coming back with red wine stain and he's smelling of like blueberries and he's going, yeah, that's a bit of shit. She's slow as fuck.

I have just had a pretty intense fruity shit. I have the cut down on fruit she's slow as fuck where have you been for two and a half hours I'm losing a lot of time to my toilet lately you're welcome

yeah because you've got a Japanese electronic Carl got me a Japanese toilet for Christmas the bum cleaner yeah yeah I know you'll rate this because you did stand up

about the fact that toilet paper doesn't clean arseholes I also have a Japanese toilet yeah and that's what I say to people when they go you don't need one I go well have you wiped your arm with shit yeah it's You did stand up about the fact that toilet paper doesn't clean arseholes. And I also have a Japanese toilet. Yeah, and that's what I say to people when they go, you don't need one. I go, well, if you wiped your arm with shit, you know, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, it's so game changing because not only is it just, it's spraying your butthole to clean it,

but it's also, it's doing, if you do it properly, it's doing a tiny little enema each time. Oh mate, I... Because the force of it, force of it... Tiny little enema? Uh huh. Man, I squirted up my arsese the other day and it came up my nose. It's fantastic. If you now-

If you now add wine and vapes to that, it's a holiday. I position my arsehole. Like I sit in like the perfect sort of arched back, exact right bit, so that it is going right up and I spread my cheek- Do you have it oscillating? Onto each. Yeah. Onto each- Because it's got to get past the different walls of your... Yeah, do you have it oscillating?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Press it twice. Yeah. And I spread my cheek as far right onto that one as I can and spread that as far left. So my arctic is so far apart. Yeah. And my bumhole is open.

And then even when I'm finished shitting, I try and shit again so that it opens my bumhole is open And then I try Even when I'm finished shitting I try and shit again Yeah So that it opens my bumhole Yeah So that it is ready to receive Because your The Woo

Your butthole is apparently Very very territorial So the second Because it's only used to Like poo coming out So the second water goes in It's like Whoa

We're losing ground here Like this is We gotta come out Extra fucking aggressive. It's... Has yours had a dryer on it? Dan, you don't seem like we've... Where do you put the jizz when you come?

Does it have a little button for that as well? Oh, for when you come because there's water going up your ass? Well, it sounds like you're getting fucked by your toilet seat. I am, yeah. Daniel, does yours have a dryer? It does have a dryer.

What it doesn't have, and you nailed it there because trying to get it to aim directly up your fucking butthole, it would be good if it connected to your phone via Bluetooth. Oh, it does. And there was just a little camera

where you were on a NASA space shuttle and you could aim it directly. Like, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Instead of being like, oh, fucking, I've got to spread this. I roughly know where I am with mine now, though. Yeah. Like, I know where it am with mine now though yeah like I know have you used the front bum bit yet

on your bollocks no not not intentionally that's a new one though also my my missus refuses to admit that she uses it

because she thinks it was like one of my purchase issues it's good after sex for the lady oh trains to come out of them yeah

comes out the fucking nose I mean he said it bluntly but it does darling have you got the sniffles oh no oh no oh no oh no

oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no

oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no

oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no

oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no

oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no

oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no

oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no

oh no wash Lou get on them you've got a cold car tent mate listen whatever you do with your life if you're hiding it by doing it in a toilet

on your own it's probably not good is it bollocks no toilet time is men's peace well apparently not it's like a fucking

sex show at your house do you know when you're in a relationship and you're just getting a bit fucking sick of it don't you never just go to the toilet for a break I've got a garden office

do you know what I mean don't you ever just go and just be like I'm gonna go I don't even need a shit but I'm gonna pretend just leave the room and go somewhere else

you don't have to sit with them yeah your missus is lovely and she's reasonable so is yours yeah but other women aren't oh right the people I've been with

in the past are like the people I've been with in the past I didn't do it cool enough people I've been with in the past some of didn't do it cool enough. What's happening? People have been in the past. Some of them are mental and they're like, what? You want an hour away from me?

No, no. But they want the hour as well. No, but they say they don't exactly. What? What? I also like your perspective. Dan, Dan, listen, we've been really subtle about it. Adam's in a relationship.

We're going to ease the information out and I'm going to play it cool. What are we going to say now? Scooby-Doo. Just like your perspective, as if women are also going to the toilet just to get the fuck away from us. My missus is like,

she's like, I'll need an hour and a half to get ready. And because I've never checked in on that, you're like, yeah, I guess it takes an hour and a half to get ready. because I've never checked in on that you're like yeah I guess it takes an hour and a half to get ready anytime I go upstairs holding her son just on her phone

and I'm like oh yeah fair enough like you know that's I'm not fun to talk to all of the time you've got to be

separate sometimes she's watching shite on the telly yeah we watch the exact same shit our missus is watching we talk about this

the greatest TV show ever and we talk about it all the time. Everyone dies. I don't want to watch it. Everyone does die. Everyone's 31 and dies of whatever I think I've got that week. It's the worst programme on the planet.

Someone comes in with a broken shin and then he'll be talking and he'll pass out. I just got a brain tumour. Yeah, but it is the best TV show ever made. Sloss, time to wrap up. Thanks very much for coming on. You're on all the social medias

but you came to tell us about, you've got two specials on your website. Yes, one is my special X, which is what I did globally around the world. It's for free on my fucking website. X is free and that's already been out on HBO. And it was released in cinemas in the UK, but now you can just watch it for free.

And then another special that I recorded like fucking four years ago, but it's from a show six years ago it's called socio and that's like a fiver on my website so I mean I was just desperately trying to get rid of my fucking bad catalogue and now it's gone so Netflix and my website is where you can watch all of my shit go and watch slosh one of the best in a game danielsloss.com danielsloss.com and sloss and humphries on the road is our you know it's our podcast I'll stop saying it's terrible

because Kai gets upset when I call it terrible but you know it's not this it's cool I've been on it a couple of times very fun oh it's

man we have the time of our life and the people who've listened to us are very loyal we don't bring in any new my autumn tour's on sale dannightingale.com

going all over the place Middlesbrough Shrewsbury they're big fucking rooms need a sale thumb ticket keep an eye out this week we've got some news a coming

about some Hathaway live shows oh they're gonna be great and they're starting next month I'll have some tour news about my stand up tour

and vote for us in the channel for National Comedy Awards please please votehathaway.com congratulations on that as well thank you very much it's fucking crap about finally finally time you guys in the channel for National Comedy Awards. Please. Folks have a word. Congratulations on that as well. Thank you very much.

Finally time you guys are calling. We're taking flares. Thank you. Finn, you've got something to add? Yeah, I love a bit of cunnilingus. Oh, nice. Is that the name of the band? Yeah.

I love a bit of cunnilingus. Carry on. You can't hear this. These are the sounds of life. I love a bit of cnolly all right you do okay carry on um before we get to the artist of the week i've got a new single coming out take a ride it's called i love a bit of connolly oh i can't wait for that kind of it's called take a ride it's a banger on my pussy it's like a fin banger what does that mean like we're not going

out it's good. It's not. In the past, when you put music on, we're like, oh, listen to Finn's songs and like behind you back in the WhatsApp group that we have without you in it. We're like,

fucking shite this. With this one, we haven't even spoke about it. It's an actual. Is this it? You played it now? No, no, no. No, wait.

It's available. It's not out yet. It's available to pre-save though. It would help me out. Yeah, just remember. I love a bit of Cunnilingus. Do you not want to it's available because it's not out yet. It's available to pre-save though. It would help me out a lot. Yeah, just remember. I love a bit of Conalinga song. Do you not want to play it even though it's not out?

So it's like a preview. No, it'll be on the week it's out. Okay. Might even be getting a little video. Why don't you do it two weeks? You fucking work it. Might be getting a little video for the thing.

Oh, right. Okay. So which band? This week. My Labrador's Prolapse. This week is... Caterpillar's Cum Tissue. Oh, no. Weador's prolapse. This week is... Caterpillar's cum tissue. Oh, no, we had them last week.

This week is... What? Go on. Pedo cancer. With? Pedo tumour. Oh, sorry. Cancer of the pede.

This week is... I love a bit of... Say the word! I can't. Steve sent me this one. It's a member of staff from Bongos Bingo so we're giving him a bit of a shout out

we love Bongos Bingo so this is Wanderlust with Love at First Sight oh very nice enjoy that's on the audio YouTube

love you Godspeed bye I love a bit of Conalingus I went down to the shops to get skins and baggy You walked right in and you stood beside me I tried to speak but your beauty dropped me My legs went weak and I knew it must be love

Love at first sight but I don't believe it I looked in her eyes and I got that feeling Love at first sight but I don't believe in that. I looked in her eyes and I knew it must be love. Oh, I can't understand all the spell of love. I tried to ask for her name and stuff. But nothing came out but a stupid smother. She glanced at me with a look of wonderment.

Love at first sight but I don't believe it I looked in her eyes And I got that feeling Love at first sight But I don't believe in that I looked in her eyes And I knew it must be Love, love, love, love

Love at first sight Love, love, love, love Love at first sight Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, I tried to forget what just happened today Embarrassed to shit and with no dignity A hole in my pride filled up with self-pity Love, love, love, love, love I don't believe it I looked in her eyes and I got that feeling Love, love, love, love, love

I don't believe it I looked in her eyes and I knew it must be Love, love, love, love, love Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love. Love at first sight Love at first sight you