Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #214 with Shane Todd & Brennan Reece - Have A Word w/Adam & Dan

Episode Date: March 6, 2023

Tickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Have A Word Live | https://haveawordlive.comDan's Tour | http://dannightingale.comAdam's Tour | https://adamrowe.co.uk/showsComedian's Club Chester: https://www.comediansclubchester.comAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, Sensei Carl's Big Fat Quiz and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for?Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsFinn's new single "Take A Ride" is out now: https://linktr.ee/finnlaykThanks to this week's sponsors:Lovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_podcastLove how you love and take 20% off sitewide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: WORD20Manscaped | https://manscaped.com20% off with the promo code: WORD20True Classic Tees | https://trueclassictees.com/WORD25Get 25% off with promo code WORD25 at checkout #trueclassicpodCalm | https://calm.com/wordGet 40% off a Calm Premium Subscription with unlimited access to Calm’s entire library.BetterHelp | https://betterhelp.com/word10If you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can get you there. Get 10% off your first month!NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordGrab your EXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal by going to nordvpn.com/haveaword to get a Huge Discount off your NordVPN Plan + a Bonus Gift! It’s completely risk free with Nord’s 30 day money-backStitch Fix | https://stitchfix.co.uk/word20% off when you keep all five items!Sneak Energy | https://sneakenergy.comUse code 'WORD10' for BOTH the creator code (in your cart) AND discount code (at checkout) for 10% off your order and 100 elite points!Merch:https://haveawordpod.comFind us everywhere:https://haveaword.pageDiscord:https://discord.gg/haveawordpodFollow the podcast, our hosts and our guest on social media:Have A Wordhttps://facebook.com/haveawordpodhttps://twitter.com/haveawordpodhttps://instagram.com/haveawordpodAdam Rowehttps://facebook.com/adamrowecomedianhttps://twitter.com/adamrowecomedyhttps://instagram.com/adamrowecomedianDan Nightingalehttps://facebook.com/danhasapodcasthttps://twitter.com/danhasapodcasthttps://instagram.com/danhasapodcastShane Toddhttps://twitter.com/shanetoddhttps://instagram.com/shanetoddcomedyBrennan Reecehttps://twitter.com/brennanreecehttps://instagram.com/brennanreeceADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What's happening lads? We've got some big news. You might have seen it already. It's been on sale for about a week now. But the first ever Have A Word live tour, live podcast shows, not just stand-up, we're doing live versions of the podcast, is coming to Glasgow, Newcastle, Birmingham and Dublin. Where can you get tickets, Dan? I don't know. HaveAWordLive.com. You get them from HaveAWordLive.com. There's also a handy link on there that links to your website. Oh, and I'm on tour, Havawaredlive.com. You get them from havawaredlive.com. There's also a handy link on there that links to your website. Oh, and I'm on tour

so that'd be nice. And I go on tour as well but my tour is not getting announced until next month. Come and see the lids. Yeah, havawaredlive.com. Come and see us.

Every different city is going to have different guests, different shows. First time we've done live shows outside of Liverpool apart from one we did

in London. We're very, very excited. Anything else we need to talk about? We've also got a fucking Patreon. Oh, it's Peter the Havilland Snake. Hello. So when you say Patreon, Peter, what is a Patreon?

A Patreon is basically a subscription scheme, theme, where we give you extra content every week and you give us just £3 a month. So for just £3 a month, people could sign up and they would get, what, an extra episode a week, early access to public episodes,

and on top of that, they'd get a monthly special. The most recent one was the Amsterdam special, you mean? Oh, the Amsterdam special was massive. We all got fucking potted off our twat. We've also got the lock-ins, we've got the arena show, we've got the restaurant special, the footy special, both ghost hunts, but the lock-ins are legendary with Ishan, Jamie, Johnny Bongo.

But this Amsterdam special will go down as one of our best. If you sign up now just for £3 a month, you can sign up for £5 or £10 as well. You get added benefits. But you get all the content just starting at £3 a month. And that doesn't include the forthcoming episodes. You get the entire back catalogue, every special we've ever done,

and also all the back catalogue of the weekly. You get an extra episode every single week. So go to patreon.com slash have a word pod right now. If you don't do it, I'll bite a child. You've got to do it. And that's how we've got to be the biggest patron in the UK. Biggest in the UK, mate. Wag wag leads.

You're listening to the funniest podcast in the game with Adam Dan Sensei Carl and Finn this is the one and only have a word

brought to you by manscaped.com the very best in below the belt men's grooming go Ed get on me so Adam

is dead Adam's dead that's what happens when you go to Brussels isn't it you know well it was a... Obviously, I don't know if people have seen it on social media,

but Adam decided pretty late in life that he had a different sexual preference, animals. Yep. And he didn't start small, and he went straight for gorilla, and he got bummed to death. In Brussels. In Brussels Zoo you know

and there was a sign saying you know please don't fuck the gorillas it was a Dutch guy that wrote it was a Dutch guy that wrote

so Adam's dead Taylor's all the time Taylor's all the time what got bummed to death in Brussels Zoo by loads of gorillas yeah just be careful

we've got Shane Todd better oh you're sexy by loads of gorillas. Yeah, just be careful. We've got Shane Todd. Yay! Better. Oh! Press the wrong button. You're sexy, we step on you. No!

Press the wrong button! It's on the old top of the Forbes thing. Come on. There we go. I'll take that. Watch. Shane Todd! Fucking Finn's

giving me too many buttons. I think I'd be a good wee stepmommy. I think people like that. What? I'm like the stepmom. Right. Because Adam's gone. Oh, I thought you were linking on from fucking gorillas.

I was like... Oh, you're a new mummy? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah, I think if you... That's a body type and profile I have. But if you came home and your dad's like this, and he's got something

to tell you and I was like too far down the house, I think you'd conceivably be like, that's a wee sexy stepmom. Have we got a Ukrainian refugee? Oh no, it's Shantan. If you came home

and you were your new stepdad, would you listen to you? No, I, so I had a stepdad, right? Which is weird to have an ex-stepdad. And he sent me off at my own fifth birthday party, indoor football.

And it was never a raid. And I even got the wee boy, who was, to be fair, crying, but it was 50-50 tackle. And I got him to say it wasn't a raid. And he sent me off. And I was like, and he told me to leave the hall.

I was like, why are we even having cards? Like he didn't have, you know, it wasn't clear that he was reffing. There was no referee really. He'd ordered cards just for the chance that he got to send his stepson off.

Yeah. And tell you, at your birthday, when you were five. Yeah, straight red. I'm like, give me a yellow and tell him,

I guess my first one. He's like, get out. You're not the real son. At five? Were you two studding it? Fucking two foot in it. I was like, yeah, you're not my real dad. I five? Were you two studding at fucking, two foot and it's five? I was like, yeah, you're not my real dad.

I haven't spoken to him since. Yeah, but he is the real ref. Yeah. He's not even a real ref. Did you come back on? Were you out? I was out of the hall. And here's the thing,

you know, like leisure centre doors, you can still see in a wee panel. I had to watch everyone having great fun. At your bit. The match was more open. I was just standing in a corridor. He hit my life he was dead by Shane's 6th birthday

it was it was not a red I still remember the tackle it was not a red the boy was called Owen Care he was about 3 at the time I was like

and I was like it was not it was his he was clumsy you know I wasn't last man but he's making a point. He's basically going like,

you know, I will send off my own stepson at his birthday party. I was like, you made an example of me as a yellow vest. Was there any more send-offs at the birthday party?

Was there just a whole party outside the... Yeah. You just didn't even keep your... I don't want you cake cutting from the car. Yeah, what happened to his stepdad? Huh?

What happened to... He's just not my stepdad what happened to he's not just not my stepdad anymore nice alright cool he's still alive but he's just not

thanks for doing this mate thanks for having me we won't send you off that's a little real no yeah just you just

send out there we try and send other people off Finn's been sent off a couple of times so Adam's in Brussels, or is he in Budapest now?

He's in one of the Bs. Brussels, Bruges, and Budapest. He's also in Belize as well. Oh, is he going Bruges, Brussels? Bursa. Bursa. Bursa. He's doing Bursalpest now.

I'm Bursalpest. He's doing all the Bs, yeah. He's basically just drinking Guinness in other countries for a bit. Seems we just haven't pints yet. Yeah. But luckily, we'll get to see them all on social media. Have you got any illnesses going on?

Have you got any health updates? Yeah, I'm getting a colonoscopy on Sunday. Oh my God. Oh yes. Guys, don't think I did. Now it's time. It's not time for Shane's. Yeah.

Yes. You're too young for the medical bum play. Hey, this is my first rodeo. Oh, you've had the colonoscopy before? Every other week. No, like seven years ago I got one. I have Crohn's disease. Oh.

Oh. So that's different. What's that? What's that? Good question. I am not 100%. I swear I've had this for like 10 years, but my policy is don't ask and you won't know.

I have a very similar policy with the ingredients of snake. They put a pipe up your ass and you're asking? They have a camera, yeah. So I got it done like seven years ago. It's just to make sure everything's all good. Do you know the weird thing is, the doctor that does it is his former stepdad. Yeah, it's weird.

And he enjoys it. So the weird thing is it's a Polaroid camera. Yeah, I got it done like seven years ago. Have you had one? I could see you could see you go you you would think with the age of me that i would have had one because apparently i'm already like past my mot right but i have not don't want to and now everyone's looking at me in a way like I need to on camera I haven't had what the colonoscopy

or the the bumoscopy the colonoscopy what's a bumoscopy the bum scop yeah that's what a colonoscopy is oh what am I thinking of

yeah what were you thinking of you're oh you're thinking of the thing where they flush your suck all your arse colonic colonic

rim job a rim job you had the rim job yeah I snuck. You had the rim job, yeah? Yeah, I snuck you out of the rim job. Back in the day. Come over to Belfast, we'll do all three

in the morning. What a weird time to tap you on the arm. Oh, rim job. I'm a man for you. The camera goes up. GoPro. Yeah, yeah.

But see when I got it done, yeah, about seven years ago, you're lying on your side, all vulnerable, there's a camera going up your arse. The nurse said to me, do you want the TV on? have done yeah about seven years ago you're lying on your side all vulnerable there's a camera going up your arse they the nurse said to me do you want the tv on and you're kind of out of it with like gas and air and stuff and i was like yeah yeah you know for like distraction or something

hey it's a feed from the camera i said who wants this i thought she's gonna put on homes under the hammer i was like i don't want i don't put on judge render I don't want, I don't want, put on George Rinder, I don't want this. I don't want this. I didn't know what it was at first. I was like, oh, this is digging

the Euro tunnel. Oh no, it's not. Cave expedition. You can watch your own insides. Hang on. When do they start

the camera feed? Because I actually think it would be less upsetting once it's in if they went, now we turn it on. If I saw a camera, if I saw gopro going towards my hairy ass i know it's not a gopro it is a gopro they make it go outdoors

and all that shit you can tell as well wills are like camera fucking like consiglieri and you know that he's like oh we should definitely get a fucking colonoscopy camera it'd be great for conscience Patreon special so it doesn't show it until it's in they don't flick the TV on until

no the doctor doesn't start off in selfie mode Jesus Christ you need to get this fucking asshole bleached um right

so it goes in and then you get to watch the whole thing yep you get to watch it all any any drugs or yeah poppers no um that'd be useful you so the first time i had you're kind of like out of it

you're a bit woozy but then the second time they went listen see if you're going to be looking after kids and stuff the next day just go gas and air so i'm going gas and air it's probably more open there now anyway because the first time went yeah you see I don't think that's a rookie move there I'd be like drug me up and I will fucking wobble out of this

and then be like to your wife your partner I cannot look after the kids they said for 72 hours so I'm going to be on the couch that has been bombed

by a GoPro also they've given me the tape of the film that they filmed so let's stick it on. I want you to live the horror. What does it look like?

Is it like a, in my head, it's like a kebab skewer with a camera on the end. Is that right? I didn't, I didn't even see what they had.

I know that the footage, I know that it could put anything. I know that the inside of you looks like you're just going through like an underground tunnel labyrinth.

Like, you know, when they went, like when they freed the Chileilean miners it's like constantly looking for imagine hello get me out of shane's fucking colon 69 of them famously chilean that was my chilean yeah so i'm i'm i'm excited when's that? Sunday On God's day? You can't get medically fingered on God's day Holy communion And then fucking straight for the wazoo Do they lube you up?

Do they lube you up? Good question Do you know the worst part of it is You've got to get cleansed before Not like a spiritual way You've got to drink So you clear yourself out So like the night before you've got to get cleansed before it not like a spiritual way like uh you've got a drink so you you clear yourself out so like the night before you just sit in the bathroom it comes out here

like you piss it out all right so they give you a laxative laxative yep clear out three weeks do you probably best to use love honey yes if great hang on where's where's smooth where's smooth where's smooth oh shit smooth this is what i've forgotten how to do the buttons um yes if you're getting a colonoscopy use love honey birthday cake lube oh no fucking hell and ruin two days we've got some over there i've got a discount code as well for anyone looking to go and ask me in belfast oh really but um todd 10 but yeah every every few years i'll be getting it all right okay cool well i'm coming over to belfast aren't i so i'm gonna try and we'll do that get us to get me on laveries i'm gonna come and do your podcast and then i'll double it up with a uh get a camera yeah the belfast colonoscopy yeah you introduced me to your guy he's my ass guy but the thing the thing as well is going to do that like obviously belfast small place like the last time i got it

was like young medical staff and i definitely like vaguely knew someone in the room right that's not like the anesthetist or something you're just you're just very vulnerable on your side and also for some reason i assumed i would be on all fours doing it. And the doctor was like, please don't be in that position. Oh, you got on all fours? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was my instinct, which is weird.

Can you not demand that? Huh? So you listen to what I'm doing. Like, all fours, but your legs spread a little bit like a dog. No, you've got to be on your side. Fetal position. No, but what if you say,

I'm not doing it? I demand it. I think it would be worse if you lay on your back and just threw your legs in the air. Put the towel where you want. But this is how I'm fucking lying. Have you,

I've had a, what? Not a colonoscopy. A colonoscopy. I've had a colonic. Have you? Yeah. Oh, really?

I've had two. A regeneration game? Apparently that's bad for you. Right. Because you need... It gets rid of the bacteria. Oh, it's also really bad for your soul. Right.

Because... Your soul. Yeah. It also was bad for the genuine soul of the poor girl that did it right what you're doing to an asshole it's a tip for tap i said listen you can do me if i can do you and the customer's always right bus man's holiday for her the court case was a bit of a nightmare um where did you get it's when i lived in manchester and um why that's not like really far away were you just doing new experiences yeah it did spring i was on the village it was with a guy called greg um and he

said he was professional it was just around the corner um i booked it online it was like yeah colonoscopy south manchester colonoscopy not colonoscopy fucking um colonic colonic colonic clinic and it sounded really proper it was just like a beauticians around the corner it was the the top room so you go in and just birds getting their nails done and and you're like hi and you could see it in the girl's face she was like obviously they've been like oh god there's a it's not happening all the time they're like oh god there's a there's a colonic booked in and then i roll in fucking overweight bald and you could see her face go fuck my actual life so we walked up to the top room and they've just turned the attic

into a bum cleaning center but it was loads of romanians big brushes 25 pounds full valley but it was just a small room and obviously with a colonic you need it so they put liquid in right but then there has to be a place for the liquid to come out so you know like when people try and do like a cheap airbnb or bB and they go, we need it to be en suite because that'll sell better. So someone out of like fucking just plywood had made a toilet in the corner of this room. Honestly, like balsa wood thin walls. So she's like, right, could you just get the same position?

I was like, oh, I'm so sorry. I've never seen my arsehole, Gooch. I've never sent a dick pic. I'm not taking pictures of the gooch. So I imagine it looks pretty bad. And I went on my side and she was fine and it was warm and I started getting sweaty. I was cringing and she just sort of sticks it in,

which feels bad. And then water goes in and then she's like, and you will feel the sensation to that you need to poo and that's fine you can just nip to the toilet and so but i was trying to be things in you well no because it it it you you back it feels like the lower part of your tummy's filling up so then cessation is i want to use shit right so after a while you're like oh no i do need to go she's like just use the toilet and she just put the thing i like got off i was like oh this is the worst thing ever and then you're in like a like a hospital robe and then

she was like and this is the toilet and i'm not joking she was sat here the table was here and and the wall of the toilet was here it was like four fucking inches from her head i was like fine as i closed the door the whole thing you could feel it was structurally not sound and then you sit on the toilet oh it was so loud and i could hear her go through the what she heard oh my god why did you why were you getting the sounds that you were forced into this yeah just one of them things that you're like, oh, I'll try. I'll try this. No. You never fancied a colonic?

Don't go to the South Manchester colonic clinic. How did you feel after it? Because I think Stacey quit within 20 minutes of me leaving. Yeah. Yeah. We both left the building at the same time. Both grabbed your coat. Have you finished for the day?

She was like, I've finished for life. You said you've had more than once. Yeah, I went back. Why? To see Stacey. Hang on. So you had one of the worst experiences ever and thought, I'll do that again.

Yeah, I got talked into it by a mate and we went to a place in... Oh, a different place. Near Clitheroe that was dead professional and quite good you and the mate uh allison june smith my mate allison who's a comedian right we were thinking of starting a podcast this is about seven years ago two options start a podcast or go for a call that was fine that was fine that was way less do you see at all haven't you got like

five year old steaks up your arse well look fully formed rib eye oh I like I see you like it medium rare

now they would say that they say that but I just don't I think it's bullshit right I think it's just a way to get like 80 quid off your tour

innit do you feel good after it not the first like 80 quid off your, isn't it? Do you feel good after that? Not the first one. 80 quid is too cheap. You know, I'd like to be spending more than that. I'd be like,

I'm getting something good. Yes. What in your head? That's professional. A thousand pound car. For someone to want to pipe up my ass. Car,

but you overpay for a lot of stuff. I got messages going 20 quid an hour for dog sitting is fucking mad. I was was people on my side i underpay for child care right i underpay 10 pound an hour oh no no no no oh is that too low yeah yes 20 20 quid an hour for a dog yeah that's too much isn't it yeah but it sounds like it's outpriced

for a reason they're turning business down they're you client, I want the expensive cleaning to be done to it. I want a professional service. That makes me feel like they must be top of the game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can pay in cash to get your arsehole plumbed in. I want like we only take card, and it's like we need like a 50% deposit

before you get there I think it was on Groupon no never get your bum cleaned on Groupon eh have you seen people put healthy shit up their own arse

this is the new one isn't it yeah what do you mean you put someone else's healthy shit into your bum oh a fickle transplant

yeah that was 95 I wasn't willing to pay plus Stacey said she was constipated into your ball of a fecal transplant. Yeah. That was 95. I wasn't willing to pay. Plus Stacy said she was constipated. Yeah. That's a different level in it. You actually have someone's healthy plop put up your bum all. Yeah.

I'm out. Even on Groupon. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's I'm out of that. Just leave me alone. Yeah. Well, I'll do it. I'm out of that. Just leave me ass alone.

Yeah. Unless it's medical. I'll do it. I'll get a colonic now. I'll get a colonic. Just for, just the story. Here on my flight, there's until seven tonight.

Cool. Then you're an expert. Get a joint one. Let's get a deal, two of us for 100 quid. Same room. Can we get to South Manchester and back? Yeah,

I don't want a big machine sucking shit out of my ass. Do you see it all? You what? Can you see it? The degeneration thing? Is that like a leaf extractor? I was correct. I have to clear this out.

Got a special bin. Shane, thanks very much for coming over from Belfast. It was Ro that thought of you. I didn't do what? No, I just it was Ro that thought of you. And I, in, no, I just, in, in, in,

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in, in, in, in, in, in, in, in,

in, in, I like it I'll be there Do you do your podcast once a week? Yeah every Friday Tea with Tea with me Tea with me I would say tea with Todd Nah It was originally the Shane Toddcast Which is a great name for a podcast What happened?

So here's what I would do I would do I was doing episodes all by myself Like I'd record it by myself Right right right Upload it There was nobody else And it would be like

Every Wednesday guys Do a big announcement It's coming The Shane Toddcast Every Wednesday I'd do two episodes On consecutive Wednesdays Miss a week and then go i'll do it next week miss another couple of weeks and then eventually when i got around to doing it after like a three week break i go here it is guys season two of the shane there was like 12 seasons and 19 episodes it was always

coming back for a new season is that why you started doing it with like because yeah kieran's the one that you started like is it two years ago you just posted that picture of two years ago yeah and it looked like you'd been held hostage like it was above it was there was like a retail space or like a space we had like an office space above a restaurant and you can only get to it by walking up the fire escape of the back of a restaurant walking walking across the roof of the restaurant. It sounds like where I get my colonics. It sounds very familiar. We were doing that too in the early days.

Oh, Ciarán. Suppling at the pot. Oh, whoop, whoop! It was just Ciarán. It was just Ciarán with a tube, just... Oh, Ciarán. Yeah! He's the perfect replacement for Raoul.

So, and yeah, the place was a complete shithole started doing their move to a slightly nicer office and then ended up where we have now and then we go every friday this is what we're doing it and i remember saying to the guys at the start i was like i i'll try to commit every friday but just for like my schedule and people want me to do stuff probably won't be able to i've never missed a friend i've never like had any offer it's important the regularity is important i fucking love your clips cheers it's they're so they're so good um the belfast scene's flying as well isn't it it's it's like here as well you know like liverpool it's just and i think maybe places like glasgow too i don't know whether it's like a working class industrial city kind of thing but people have realized

instead of going to the arena to see international comedians or tv comedians it's all there on our doorstep so for the price of one of those big arena nights out you can go see three or four grassroots kind of comedy nights, which you're getting more variety at. Yeah. You know, it's easier to get drinks, all that kind of stuff. But yeah, the scenes, I think pound for pound,

it's as good as any, because it's a tiny place, no weekend clubs. So it's mainly Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, but it's brilliant. It's just a better night for stand-up anyway. Yeah. For proper stand-up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And there's like seven or eight names that I keep seeing that are just absolute fucking dynamite. And it's people like supporting their own. Like that doesn't happen in many other places. You know, people prefer like more exotic names or these people need to have the, if you haven't been on Live at the Apollo,

you know, people don't care. Our most popular guest in the last two months, numbers wise, was fucking Freddie. Yeah. And we've had some absolute hitters and that's nice and we always want those guys on. But also because we've done the same thing, you've got your boys, Brennan's on today.

Yeah. Another one of them. Like, yeah, you rely on the talented people that you know. Yeah. A fucking class. The great thing is having been on the scene from when it was so like when there was nothing like i'm doing stand-up like yourself like a long time and it's great to like there's so many people that are starting now and they don't realize how good it is like how lucky they have it and like

you get to be old man the old man i remember It's like guys that joined The last week Of man Right You know what I mean And they're wrapping it all up anyway You know what I mean Like it's basically over It's like the last day of term And you're like

You weren't here How long have you been in stand up for 16 years Fucking hell I know Wow how old are you 34 So yeah

About the same as them I remember coming over to Liverpool When Hot Water was just I was in the Crown Hotel Yeah Oh you were a Crown OG? Yeah. Oh, it was fucking minging, that pub.

Paul Smith. It wasn't minging. It was just very... Ghetto. Yeah, it was just a pub that needed a bit, but actually, there was a real fucking charm to it. Oh, yeah.

I looked at it and went, this won't work. Like, this shouldn't work. Brilliant. I was being called for a little tour, you know, the owner, doesn't he? He's what? Because when the train strikes were happening, because it's work, this shouldn't work. Brilliant. I was being called for a little tour, you know, the owner, doesn't he? He's what? Because when the train strikes were happening,

because it's next door to Lamb Street, because they were picketing there, he's like, you're affecting my business. And his business was the people picketing, going in and getting drinks and food, and he's kicked off with them, and everyone's going, oh, let's boycott this fucking tour. Oh, that's not a fucking good move in Liverpool, is it?

Yeah. Without, because there'll be a load of your fans that have seen this clip, but I saw a clip of you, the one about the noisy neighbours. Mate, just go and follow Shane and also follow Tea with me and just, you'll see the clips come out I don't

I can't take any credit for clips like as soon as I wrap up the episode are you out? you walk out and it's it's Michael and Dan

we've got well is it are they the boys? yeah well without Carl Fitton and the whole team doing the production but from when I started

I was trying to do all that myself I just just can't do it it's impossible without other people helping out you had noisy neighbors yeah so so my dad is like a bit of a cat like i talk about my dad and stand up a lot but i was 72 now it's just like a wee character so my dad yeah he's my dad's probably like five foot four guy about time everybody kind of knows him in Hollywood already and we live in a well when I live with my dad we live in semi-detached house really small house like two-bedroom and the neighbors you would hear then what the neighbors watch on TV yeah that kind of thing and always kind of like got on like alright with neighbors like no problem like nice people no real interaction with them and then whenever I was maybe suppose I was like 14

the Sun next door would have been movie 15 years a year older me and he got decks for Christmas which like don't do that you know me like because don't do that because You know what I mean? Like, because, don't do that because either play decks at top level or like, it's so naff if like at ambient level. Yeah. You've got the whole thing going

and it's like low, you know? But, so he got decks and my dad's like, fuck's sake. Heard that he got decks and for the first while,

didn't he? He obviously wasn't ready to start using the decks. All right. And then gradually, you'd like, you'd hear a bit of music pumping out when he thought we'd left the house. So he'd wait until he saw the cars go and then gradually You'd like You'd hear a bit of music Pumping out

When he thought we'd left the house So he'd wait until he saw the cars go And then he Oh he's trying to be sound He's trying to be Right Right And then

One day we were in The guy's obviously been like Fuck it Started playing music And it's like Pumping through the wall And this is like A Wednesday afternoon

It's pumped Like things in our house are moving And it's just like Nondescript house music And my dad's Cracking up My dad goes I like nondescript house music and my dad's cracking up my dad goes I'm gonna go

and say to him now my dad when he cracks up he forgets that he's a very small pensioner right so I was like

that's it and my dad goes boom boom boom starts banging the door but he he can't hear it because he's playing

Avicii or whatever it is and my dad's banging the door so my dad comes back he's like he's ignoring me I was like I think he just can't hear it because he's playing Avicii or whatever it is and my dad's banging the door so my dad comes back he's like he's ignoring me I was like I think he just can't hear you

my dad's getting more and more annoyed my dad's like what are we going to do here and I don't know my dad back bangs the door we had this like

hi-fi system and my dad which the old hi-fi system could go like ridiculously loud the actual like multi-step

yeah multi-tiered kind of thing yeah so my dad went right stick on a bit of music there now he asked me he was like you pick up put a bit of your music on because because like the bgs i'm thought like the bgs jive talking so my dad goes put on one of your cds like some with a bit of a beat to it And like Do I look like a guy That's like a bit of a beat I was like alright Let me just get my records out

So I had Oxide Neutrino If you remember then The drop that You don't remember Oxide Neutrino? No Not like music current? Oxide Neutrino?

Do you know who they are? Back to the band man To the reload No Remix the Casualty theme tune Yeah yeah yeah Oh the Casualty theme tune oh the casualty theme tune

is that the 80s or is that the bell they did all of it neighbors coronation fucking sick of beat no joke just pause the story

they did do that in the 90s yeah I was born in the 90s Tetris Tetris came out as a dance tune do

do do do do do do do do

do do do do do do do do

do do do do do do do do

do do do do do do do do

do do do do do do do do

do do do do do do do do

do do do do do do do do

do do do do do do do do

do do do do do do do do

do do do do do do do do

do do do do do do do do

do do do do do do do do

do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do, I'm a- act. They were like a garage duo. And I don't know why I had the album, but I had the album. And I've got just the thing.

So I go to the CD player, stick that on. And my dad's like, right, let's blow them out of the water here. So stick it on. And I'm like panicking a bit because my dad's like, come on, get it going, get it going. I was like, all right, and hit play on it. And me and my dad are standing there. And my dad's like standing at the wall. Hand on his hips, like, come on, get it going, get it going. I was like, all right, and hit play on it. And me and my dad are standing there. My dad's like standing at the wall,

handing us hips, like, here we go. And I put like the first track on. And like, you can just about hear it. Like, it's like... And my dad's like, come on, come on, get it up, get it up. And I'm turning it up and I'm like, that's full volume. That's a hundred. And my dad's like, fuck's sake, I can't even hear that.

And I was like, I know. Just like very, very short in the background. And I was like I know And I was like Just like very very Short in the background And I go I'll put it on the next track I'll put it on the next track And it's like And my dad's like

What are you doing I panic And I'm like It's heating up I said it's heating up These songs And then they heat up And then it's all the beats

Going to come in And my dad's like Get something with a quicker beat I was like I'm burning through the track I'm like track seven on the album And still it's like And his music's getting louder my dad's like for fuck's sake what's happening you need to get it louder and i was like oh i don't know what's happening i realized

headphones were plugged in to the jack of the of the hi-fi i went all right the headphones are plugged in when i took them out like my dad's say like five foot four or so 72 my dad when i took it out was standing in line of the speaker my dad nearly went through the wall like we nearly ended up in this guy's house like i can't describe the noise because it wasn't like built for the noise to be that loud and it just like exploded into this like my house turned into like a big garage bomb and and i just remember like the wall nearly bursting through and and and we um that guy there was like a bit of a argument then and about two weeks after that the guy he continued to like play music i never really told this in a podcast but my dad because it came to me after

the the guy next door his dad and his da's mate Were all standing in their garden And there'd been something with music Or a disagreement about something And my da one day just went Fuck it I jumped the wall What do you mean? He goes

I jumped over the wall to them My da hopped over the wall That short guy But he said when he jumped over the wall My da wouldn't be like a fighter or anything He had nothing to like No next move So he said he had

to just continue the conversation they've been having over the wall but he was just now in their garden so he hopped the wall and they were like oh what's happening here and my dad's like just i'm just saying just keep it down see but yeah i can still remember the noise of that jack coming out oh amazing just seeing my dad's head yeah when me and Laura lived in Leeds, we lived in a student area because we were like, oh, it's near Headingley, it's near town, beautiful spot.

And we had, it was like an old house that had been turned into flats and done badly again. Not quite balsa wood, colonic fucking en suite bad, but not far off. And the lads underneath us used to,

I think they were like getting used to being deep, like practicing, doing the same as you were. I think they had a gig on a Tuesday night because it was always Tuesday tea time that they were practicing. And then all of a sudden it gets to nine, everything would go off and they just, you'd hear a taxi and they were gone.

So very regularly in term time, you'd get back, Laura would get back from work Tuesday. I never gigged on a Tuesday. It was a nice, nice night. And then you'd just be watching The Weakest Link or something and from underneath. Horrific.

And then one New Year's Eve, I did a massive bit about this. One New Year's Eve, they were still going. As we got back from our New Year's Eve, they were still obviously pilled up and still going and we got back at 11 in the morning we'd been at mates the night before and and i was hung over you know when you're hung over and you're like just want to watch something just a film yeah and because it was new year's day uh sound of music was on and i was like oh my god i was just going through the channels i was like i'm so hung over i sort of want to watch the sound of music and underneath they were still and we watched because i was too hung over to confront them we watched the whole of the sound

of music with a techno underbeat and laura's like i'm gonna go and deal with it i was like i can't i'll cry i'll knock on the door be sick and then weep so I'm just gonna put up with it but honestly that that the sound of music to a techno underbeat is quite something like how do you solve a problem like and I and Laura's never done drugs and she was like I don't get it yeah what what is going on it's nearly midday and they're still going. It's weird. But they went all the way down.

She actually went, are they on drugs? I was like, yeah, yeah, they are. My neighbours are there. Not gin and tonic,

is it? The neighbours who share my wall are moving. I'm so scared. Oh, that's a lucky dip, isn't it? For who you're going to get.

I've walked past when they've been doing viewings and they go yeah we've had some young couples and we've had a lot of retirees a lot of old people

I'm like yeah they're probably the best people to buy off them actually yeah you know probably cash buyers no messing about it's like yeah you go with the old people

because they're just not going to get some fucking the ball coming he's going to start DJing or something and I've got no patience. An elderly Asian couple would be ideal. Yeah.

I think I said that. If you could pick. And is that, are you speaking from experience there? A lot of elderly Asian couples in Hollywood? There isn't, but like, I'd love to see it,

but I just think. Well, when I was living away, because the walls are so thin, I could hear the fella next door snoring. And I used to and I used to I used to punch the wall every night

to wake him up but that lasts like what 30 seconds doesn't it when he falls back asleep and I put my I put my hand through the wall

just grab them so literally like next to your bed and I just I got pissed off all night and put my hand like put my hand

through the wall yeah and then when I moved out I'd just bought, I'd cut a little bit of wallpaper. I think old people, like Shawshank, it's like a rack of old wealth.

That's literally what I did. I got it from under the bed with these wallpaper because this is a rented apartment. Right. Cut a bit out with a knife and stuck it over. Right.

And didn't say nothing. I think old people, you aren't going to be a pain with noise, but they could be whingy at you. When they're quiet. We're rarely quiet. Right, okay. Because our living room is on the other side of the house

to the wall that we share. And so is our bedroom. The only thing that we share is a spare bedroom and the dressing room. We haven't got a... So we're lovely. Yeah, we're sound. We've got dog owners on one side.

They're dead loud, but they are lovely people and really like us that they literally came to see my fucking tour show they're so sound my neighbor on the other side still isn't talking to we're not talking to him that was rough at um the comedians club chester i've run my gig in chester and a light came up after it was like all right down and we i do a bit of a. If anyone wants to say hello, they're welcome to say hello. But because it's in Chester where I live, we've got people from Sorghal, my village. And he was like, I live in Sorghal.

I was like, oh, cool. He was like, I'm the nephew of your neighbor that you don't like. I was like, no. I was like, oh. Had you done a bit about it? I talk about it on the podcast. Yeah. I was like, no, it's just a joke.

He was like, no, I don just a joke. He was like, no, I don't think it is. So, Martin, Martin knows. Also, the people who we've known are both doctors.

So that's lovely to have next door and the proper lovely people. Why is it lovely to have two? Two doctors. Right. She's an eye doctor and he's a general doctor. So if anything goes wrong.

Yeah. But they could be like, mate, I'm off I'm out No we never have I've clocked off But I feel like

You know what I mean An emergency You have two doctors next door You want the eye doctor Even though He's a general doctor You want the See someone with a bit of speciality

See GPs I just Don't trust them General Oh really It's a bit vague Jack of all trades Yeah that's what you don't want

That's what you don't want to hear from a doctor I'm a jack of all trades Master of none Be's what you don't want. That's what you don't want to hear from a doctor. I'm a Jack of all trades. Master of none. Be a master of one. Get the eye doctor in. Specialise. Oh yeah, you want to... I'm gutted.

I'm so sad. What are the dream neighbours if you... Them? Quiet doctors. Doctors on one side, a plumber on the next. If they were Asian, two elderly Asian doctors,

you'd be laughing. Yeah. You'd be like, trust me, you'd be laughing. I think they're holding out for that, so they're going to be a while moving out. Shane's moving to blackburn he's gonna really love it well just quiet neighbors who look after your house doesn't have a small i was talking about brian on this podcast brian who lives in my road right i think you might have mentioned him he's lived in the road his whole life and his life is to maintain the you might have mentioned him he's lived in the road

his whole life and his life is to maintain the road oh he's the he's the captain yeah he's given himself the armband

so we've got Christmas lights all up and down the road and he puts them in and everyone's got hanging baskets and flowers in front of them he plants them all

wards them all every day his job is to maintain the road if you've got a package that you've missed they all know to go to his house and at six o'clock he goes and delivers everyone's packages.

Now, what's he looking to return for this? Nothing. But wait till the day he does. He's the nicest. It's not work. I've got a body that I need buried. After all he's done for you. I've taken in a lot of Amazon packages.

So he looked after me cat. He went in to feed me cat and stuff when I went away. Well, he's making good money isn't he yeah 35 quid an hour he went I went

just go in one day once a day Brian two days feed him make sure he's alive and leave he's like just once a day

I was like yeah you don't need to feed him once a day he's like can I knock on and cuddle him and I was like yeah

he's like right I'm just gonna because he loves cats so he went in and was like sitting with the cat and loving him and he's like the nicest man in the world so i've got him a he's got in front of his house he's got 10 uh watering cans got like a setup so i've got him a big cast iron watering can because they're all plastic and he loved it yeah i got him some plants and stuff and gave him it as a gift. And he was like, oh, yeah. And he was nearly crying. Oh, the hood. He's Palestinian.

He's a quiet Asian neighbour that you need. But he is literally the captain of the road. I need a Brian on my street. I want to move to Liverpool. Yeah, I've got a bad captain. And we ain't talking. That dressing room's not good. No.

Yeah. He sounds fucking great. But you know, there's loads of those guys who are then absolute jobs worth. You've got a fucking gem in Brian. He maintains the whole road, looks after everyone's pet

when they go away, delivers everything, and he's lived it all his life. So it's like his little... It's Heighton, isn't it? The Spanish Quarter in Heighton. It's just such a lovely area. I'm moving here.

Up and coming. No, I think you'd like Bradford. Probably don't do the same joke twice. It was already risque, wasn't it? It was risque. Let's have a break, and we'll come back with some fucking correspondence. You've got a Liverpool date this year.

Yep. Give it a plug Because we got some fucking lids 19th of October lads Hot water I think this is the Fourth time I've done hot water

What happened the last time You were there Oh the time before the fire Oh my god Is that what you're talking about I was there yeah Do you know about this No

I was doing hot water And it was a I got there Realised it was a late show See when it comes to tours I'm there, realised it was a late show. See, when it comes to tours, I'm not really on it.

So I arrive and they go, it's a like 9.45 show and I was like, hopefully that's AM because I'll need to go to bed. And they went, no, 9.45 PM. I was like,

shit, I brought Vittorio to open. I was like, by the time I get on, it's going to be not that far off 11. I like to go to bed about 9.45 every night,

right? So. You're literally preaching To the converted Right The day hasn't even started Yeah The day hasn't started At 10 o'clock

At night? Yeah You are missing out On so much Adam's the same It must be a scouse thing It must be cool Here to go to bed late

Because I don't understand this You know what's cool guys? Rest No it isn't It's not cool It's not cool It's good It's good It's cool If someone tries to contact No, it isn't. It's not cool. It's good. It's cool if someone tries to contact you

and went, I was trying to ring you at 10 o'clock last night. That's awful. Why would you try and contact me at 10 o'clock? Sometimes I'll go to the shop at 10 o'clock. What's your cut off for a phone call at night? 10? Text first. Text first. If you phone me past quarter past nine, you better

be dead. You don't get a lot of calls You better tell me you're dead Your house phone But I haven't got one of them Because you know I'm not 15 No

But there's not I've got no limit on me I go airplane Airplane mode half nine What the fuck If anyone dies I'll find out about it Over breakfast

At 4am I can't be I always say like Oh I'm a sort of guy See if you need a lift To the airport Or if you were having If your car broke down

I'd come and help you I would But if my phone's off I don't have to That's madness No It's not madness It's madness to go to bed

Really late Why? Because Do you know how many things Have you always been like this as well? Is this a No There was a time

Where I was in Den Island I was trying to be all Like in my early 20s I was like Ah it's stay up past 11 you know that's not why he's had his crazy days

when I want to do press people and meet new people like there's in the times I was having like three beers and staying up to midnight

he's never seen the countdown for New Year's Eve I swear I haven't we went to do it like two years ago like two years ago my wife went

we'll stay up for the countdown and I was like why and she went I'll set my alarm and I was like why would we wake up To watch it happen? What the fuck?

Oh my god I like to get up early boys And seize the day New Year's Day No one's up But what time do you get up? Out of your own choice I get up

I have to get up When my puppy is seven But if it's on the weekend Like I'm setting us up Nine Nine Nothing's happened Six till nine

Everything happens Nine till midnight Nature starts I get up around ten If I've not got anything on Yeah but he's a pothead Can I just Well you know what

My bedtime's out I'll be laughing when you guys Are enjoying hell together Average is like Three, four AM And you get up at ten What?

Come on bro Four AM Yeah Actually when I was your age Why do we start talking about this? The gig. Late night. Oh, right. I'm so sorry.

So I'll tell it really short. No, no, don't. Tell it proper. I interrupted you. I arrive. It's 9.45. Hot water. They're like, oh, it's sold out.

I was like, yeah, but inside I'm dying, right? Because I'm like, what time am I getting back to this Novotel? So I've just given away where I stay when I'm in Liverpool. There's like five of them. No one will care. Anyway, I arrive down to this? No, Vitella. So I've just given away where I stay when I'm in Liverpool. There's like five of them. No one will care. Anyway, I arrived down to this gig. I go, let's just try and have a good time. Vittorio's like, are you okay?

I was like, I'm fine, but let's just wrap this up. He's like, is your show on air? I'm like, it's 15 minutes tonight. So we get there and everyone's in and ready to go. And John's doing tech. And I think Binti's there. And it's all good. And I'm like, it's one of the last shows of the tour. And then all of a sudden, fire alarm goes off.

And you know nowadays when a fire alarm goes off, you're like, you laugh. You're like, it'll be off in a second. This stays on and people are running out of the room and going out to fire exits. And what's good is the staff kept their calm. I say that, a manager walked into the room and going out the fire exits and what's good is the staff kept their calm I say that

a manager walked into the room went it's a real fucking fire and I went oh well if that hadn't said in that accent maybe I would have

been this freaked out but when it's a real fucking fire I was like ah so here's the thing that's just the alarm it's a fucking fire lad

I've evacuated that room three times and it's the basement it's fucking awful it's the basement. It's fucking awful. It's the basement. And here's the thing, I just, and I don't like to, I had just bought a coat that day

at the Zara in Liverpool 1 and it may or may not have been 95 quid. So I remember running out and they were like, just run out and I looked at Vittorio and we got to the top of the stairs and I was like, do the right thing.

You know what I mean? I was like, Vittorio, go back and do the right thing. Go get my coat. But he didn't bring it up so I wasn't going to bring it. mean I was like Vittorio go back and do the right thing go get my coat but he he didn't he didn't he didn't bring it up

so I wasn't gonna bring I was like Vittorio oh my coat's in there he's like oh man it's only a coat and I was like I'll go and get it

so I I ran down like through the through the smoke to get I remember going back to grab my coat and I was like

thank god got out the entire gig was out on the street everybody was there like 24 people no it was it was it was packed it was it was the street. Everybody was there, like 24 people. No, it was packed.

It was the florist, looked like a footy, like a footy stand. Yeah. It was hundreds of people. It was a whole road and it's people from back home mainly. So everyone's like singing and everything and you're out there with them

and everyone's like, what's happening? And I was like, I don't know, I don't know. And we're standing there for ages and it's like 10 o'clock and I was like,

it'd be mental for this gig to happen because how am i going to talk about any material after this like wild stuff's happened oh hot water will always be inclined to but i mean the fire could have done serious damage three people could have lost their lives and binti would be like we can run it at 11 30 no we're just going to knock it back and that is what happened because there was a fire and and i i genuinely said to the manager like joking i went well thank god it was only in the basement she's like yeah yeah she goes don't worry loaf of a fire all the time i was like i don't tell me don't tell me and sort the problem the fire brigade came and and uh uh there was a home during it all i'm standing there the whole crowd's there me and vittorio just stand there like what are we gonna do adam arrives and goes why don't we just try and do it in this bar across the road there's a bar across the road and what do you mean he goes

me and you go over to the bar ask the barman will they put the show on and they'll get a load of custom out of it you can still do the show and i went right we go over there's nobody else there and the barman lapped it you have that phrase over here he bottled it he laughed okay he went oh no i don't think so all right we get back the they're like oh we're gonna do the show and i went she will not just like get it on a different night the audience are going to the off license at this point we went to flute we went to pub next door and there's a lot of guests in there just going off yeah everyone just went for pints and they were like, we're still doing the show and I was like,

this is going to be a disaster. Like, we shouldn't be doing this. But by the way, the firemen were like, there's still a couple of guys down there. There was like two guys, like the band and the Titanic. A couple of guys were not leaving their pints.

They were going down with their pints. You guys from back home were like, we'll see. Fucking bit of fire. Yeah. They flooded downstairs. They had the hose going down and they just flooded the downstairs. Yeah, the kitchen'll see. Fucking bit of fire. Yeah. They flooded downstairs. They had the hose going down and they just flooded the downstairs.

Yeah, the kitchen, the fire was in the kitchen. Yeah. And the staff kept telling me, don't worry, this is normal. I was like, this isn't normal. Hot water's got a kitchen. It's a, it's not a kitchen,

it's a keg room. Oh. Right, all right. So by the time we did, it was that late that they were like, still, I, do you still want to do a show?

It was like, the whole audience definitely want the show to happen. So Vittorio did, we're going to have 15 minutes interval, then me. He was like, why don't I do a shorter set? So he did five,

took a bit of the sting out of it, like took one for the team, did some brilliant crowd work and then was like, we all know there was a fire. I came straight on and it was, and I was so nervous about it because I was like,

I have to do the tour show. Did like five minutes about the fire at the was like, I have to do the tour show. Did like five minutes about the fire at the start and then was able to do the tour show and it was the best show of the tour. Oh, amazing. It was so good. It was bouncing, wasn't it?

And at the end of it, some guy said, Shane Todd's on fire. Hot water's terrified. Yeah. And John put it on at the end of the show in the room,

the song, Gallifrey From Desire, and everyone sang it, and I was bouncing up and down stage. It was splashing. I was crying walking home. Fucking Peppa Pig. I was crying walking home.

It was like 20 past 12 here. It's the next day. What's the latest you've ever been to sleep? I don't mean like night out. I mean like you're having a bad one, like at home, going to have some snacks and go to bed late I would

you shouldn't be having snacks late but no you shouldn't be having no you don't have snacks late what time does Nando close? that's the end of eating the latest I leave is

half eight right but if I'm of my own free will say my wife and kids Are away And free house I can go to bed

Whatever time I want Not depending on kids bedtime Or anything like that Go on I promise I'll not exaggerate this I'd probably Go to about eleven And feel bad about it

The next I'd be like Fuck I would be the big man Be like I'll just watch the end of this And I'd go to bed Being like

I'm a fucking lunatic Like at eleven 11 wild I I've got hot water tonight and I thought I'd applied to just do the opening I love the early show and binti messaged back he went cool first show time is this this stage time second stage time is 10 past 11 and my heart absolutely sank. So last night, I tried to train myself to go to bed later and I got to half 10 and I was like, I was falling asleep on the couch. We used to go out at 2am on nights out. Right.

You know the way they're like, oh, the club actually opens at 8.30, but yeah, everyone goes at like 11 or something. If not early. I'll be there when they open up. There's times where I'm leaving before anyone's arrived. There's places you can't go in town

before 2am, otherwise there's nobody there. I don't mind doing that, but that'll be the start of my morning. I don't mind waiting for that. Before they've been to sleep. Oh, that's mad. That makes me anxious.

We used to go to club nights where it was like that but obviously again it's the same as new year's eve mary fucking not mary poppins sound of music there was there was a hard house night in manchester on the village called the breakfast club and that started at 6 a.m and went through to like midday so people had been to a club night some people had been like home to an after party and then because they were still pilled up would go back out or they'd just stay out and the djs would just set an alarm they'd maybe dj the night before go home get some sleep set an alarm drive in like they were commuting to work and start djing at 6 a.m oh yeah yeah if you told me to meet you at the breakfast club at 6 a.m

i'd be like great what gluten-free oh my I have? Oh my God, it's so dirty. It's so dirty. Do you not feel like you're missing out? No. So what time do you get up? If I'm with the kids, it's different. But if I had my own choice, I'd probably have seven, something like that. It's nice.

So you get a plop of like 10 hours. Oh, this is coming for you, kid. This is coming for you. I cannot wait for my kids to be older. They're all lying in. Fuck me, it's going to be beautiful. You'll be like, oh, man, I just have to get to bed. It's going to be fucking great.

No, I get up at seven with the pub, so I'm still up early. Well, when I went on tour for the first time when the kids came along and I was staying, obviously, by myself here in Manchester or wherever, I was like, brilliant, I'm going to stay in bed until, like, nine. I was walking hotel corridors at about seven,, wherever. I was like, brilliant. I'm going to stay in bed until like nine. I was walking hotel corridors at about seven. They're like, has anyone here burped?

That's mad. I, if I, if I, no, I can't do it. I have to make sure that I have eaten finished.

No. Yeah. The day isn't done until midnight. Nah. What, even if you're just at home? Yeah.

Things haven't finished yet. Just watching The Good Wife. I don't watch The Good Wife. What, even if you're just at home? Yeah. Things haven't finished yet. Just watching The Good Wife? I don't watch The Good Wife. What do you watch? Grey's Anatomy? Grey's Anatomy, yeah. Yeah. Cannot miss it.

Because if you don't watch it that night, it's not going to be on, is it? That's how Netflix works. We've got some... Oh, yeah, I'm on tour. So 19th of October, Shane, my tour is on sale. DanNightingale.com. Leicester, Middlesbrough, Sh'm on tour. So 19th of October, Shane, my tour is on sale. DanNightingale.com.

Leicester, Middlesbrough, Shrewsbury, where are you? Because the tour is selling really nicely. Liverpool is flying. All the Manchester dates good. London's good. But yeah, get on DanNightingale.com. Where do we find your tickets?

TheShaneTodd.com. TheShaneTodd.com. Where do we find your tickets? Theshayntodd.com. The Shane Todd. Shane Todd.com was taken. And with the Liverpool date, bring flares. He loves it. Let's set that fire alarm off. Question from Ross. What's happening, Lids?

As a music fan, I find the changeover between bands sets annoying and boring just waiting about. So say a huge band or soloist like Lewis Capaldi, who I fucking love and we want on this couch, is a fan of yours and asks you to do a 10, 15-minute set between bands. Would you do it with the potential to have your comedy heard by thousands of people each night?

Buzzing for the live pod in Glasgow. Tickets at haveawordlive.com. Glasgow's going to fucking bounce.ordlive.com. Yes. Glasgow's going to fucking bounce. Oh, yes, it is. You know, we were talking about not boozing on tour. I didn't booze loads on tour, but randomly had some really fucking heavy nights out,

like after the restaurant special. I'm boozing at all of these podcasts, live shows. Oh, it's Dublin, Newcastle, Glasgow. We're going to all of the fun places to drink. And Birmingham will be fine. Birmingham will be good. I'll be driving home. Go for a curry.

It is. Feels like, honestly, there's a subtext to what I'm saying. It feels like I've got a problem. The Midlands are getting it. Mate, Birmingham is great for a curry. Oh, no, it is. And I will not say anything else, but it's good for a curry.

What's your go-to food when you're on tour? I'll bring my own. Packed lunch. You're a, listen, you're a crazy, crazy guy. Nando's. Always, everywhere. That's just solid, isn't it? Yeah.

It doesn't make people like, I don't really like no it's just chicken and chips yeah done amazing exactly who's the band that if they asked you

you'd consider it usually I think this would be a no for for me for most bands it doesn't go does it

music and comedy in terms of serious music can do that used to be huge that thing yeah like you meet loads of like

older comedians who are like I used to open for these bands and was it the who was the band this is going to test your knowledge John Squires was in

after the Stone Roses was it the Seahorses yeah I think the Seahorses used to have good knowledge mate saw them live so

you know Roy Walker catchphrase yeah we know his son Phil oh yeah yeah yeah say what you say Good knowledge mate Saw them live So You know Roy Walker Hatchface Yeah We know his son Phil Oh yeah Yeah yeah Say what you say Roy used to open for

Tom Jones What? Yeah he used to open for Tom Jones Doing like Traveling all around And he would do A 45 minute set And then

Tom Jones would Sing his songs But Roy He told this brilliant story Where he In Belfast he was a lounge singer and did comedy so they would have done all the covers of the day and he would do Delilah and all these Tom Jones songs and when he did the Apollo with Tom Jones he did like

90 shows or something um a wee old couple from Belfast came up to him after and the the husband went oh that was brilliant Roy great to see you up to him after and the husband went, oh, that was brilliant, Roy. Great to see you over here doing brilliant. And the woman went, I thought you were great, but I didn't like Tom Jones. And Roy went, oh, did you not?

And she went, he's nicking your songs. I like the idea, but it's a novelty. It'd be something different. I wouldn't want to go on a whole tour with a musician because let's face it,

it's probably going to be shit. But the idea of doing like an arena or some really cool venue There's got to be somebody who you would love to be with on tour surely I love the Rolling Stones plus those guys are at an age where their routine's probably going to fit mine

Do you know what I mean? Nah, I don't know They're all talk They do heroin early afternoon and then have a nice bed I went to see them in Crowe Park

and Mick Jagger kept disappearing he'd like be halfway through a song and he'd disappear slightly off stage and everyone's like oh and my wife's like

I wonder what he's doing because it looked like he was going to like maybe take coke I could see him from where we were he had a wee hanky at the side of the stage

and was blowing his nose I was like that's so nice I thought he was going his nose I was like that's so nice I thought he was going to be having a piss that's when you know you're old how many

how many pisses do you need mid show well it's up to three yeah I get what Shay means it's not a it's not a

it doesn't feel like it's going to be loads of fun Lewis Capaldi maybe because I think young girls though right

you're the fun crowd don't you so like a non taking like no one's doing support for Radiohead

no do you like the Cortinas or something the Arctic Monkeys like young oh my god it'd be so rough Cortinas

the Cortinas yeah they still smashing out not 19 forever yeah I mean three times a set yeah but like i think that audience is what you'd be going for maybe dj yoda did a tour with a vj like a video dj and got carl donnelly to do support for it and i went down because dj yoda's really good great and the vj thing's a very visual,

it's part DJ gig, part live performance, but also like a show. It's really good. But he wanted standups to support him. And I went to watch Carl do it twice just because I was fascinated. And it was not, you know when you're watching one of your favorite comics

and there's just that sort of professional empathy of like, oh, this doesn't look easy. Because people's just that, that, that sort of professional empathy of like, Oh, this doesn't look easy. Cause people are just stood going, what? Yeah. What did Nate Bargatze say about standup when people aren't expecting standup? It doesn't feel like comedy.

It just feels like a mean speech. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That they were, they weren't being dicks. It just didn't feel like it suited the night. Yeah.

Um, if I asked you to open up for me would you this podcast has got to go arse over tit when you're getting me to support you i'm just telling i'm not saying no because we never know what i mean adam's dead and he so is this sustainable is he going to commute um yeah i would yeah i would yeah i'll bear that in mind cool but i think would you support me i've kind of i've both supported each other kind of we do emotionally yeah get this get this band together because we've got big shows coming up this year fucking get your band together.

It's happening. And then, you know. It's happening. But I did one of your phase one shows when you were doing That Night in Gallifrey. I didn't enjoy that. No, they didn't either. That was key. No, no one did.

No, they did. They did. Yeah, I just felt it didn't work. So what's hard for any performer, and I don't give a fuck what you do, is if you are not the reason someone's come to the show. If you're a corporate, you can have good corporates, but they're hard because people are like,

what's this? We just came for our awards. If you do support for a band, it's in the same sort of thing like whenever you get booked for a gig and they're like oh yeah it's this festival thing and it's you're on the main stage and you just fit like it's shit because people are just sat there waiting for the thing they actually came to see yeah and i think even though a load of people were lids that night they'd come to see stand-up and then you come on they're like oh cool it's finn but they're also

needing to go and buy a drink drink it's not it doesn't work the way around I don't think you can have a musician supporting a comic imagine like waiting for like yeah

a rapper comes on and you'd be like what the fuck and like outdoor stuff I did by mistake a gig for the Platinum Jubilee

like I did I got told it's an outdoor summer gig and we went yeah yeah, sounds good. You can get a couple of mates to do support. I was like, yeah, brilliant. Got the venue.

It was good money. It was like happy days. I said, what's it for? Like summer party, mate. It's council organising. I was like, yeah, excellent. Got tagged on something on Facebook that it didn't really look at.

And then a mate. You and Jack behind you. It was a purple like like, Queen's thing. It was a poster of me with a purple background and the crown either side of me. And I went, that needs to be changed immediately. Also, why is it saying this is for the Jubilee? And they went, it is for the Jubilee.

And I went, Jesus Christ. So we, it was like a heated thing. And I went, Jesus Christ. Shane's doing a march. So we, it was like a heated thing and I went. Can you literally not, that, if you're a Belfast comic, you cannot do that sort of. You could,

you could, because you can, because then you can, you can do stuff and like you can do, I do community festivals that would be considered one side or the other.

I'd do any of them. People want to come and see you. That's fine. Right. But I just didn't, wasn't told what it was from the start. I would have went, that's going to be a tricky gig. The idea of a summer party outdoors sounds fun. But anyway, we went and did it.

I was like, okay, we'll just go do this. And they took the poster down and it was fine. But it was really sad because we were told it was going to be 7,000 people. And the stage was set up for about 7,000 people. When I say it was maybe 300, it was a vast open space and they were watching live satellite

from whatever the Jubilee stuff in London was and I was told half an hour and my openers were to do 10 minutes each. You know the way that a corporate, you're always like, if you're booked for half half an hour sometimes you'll be like let me just do we'll do 25 and see how they go right so you're trying to like get your spot to be quicker guy comes up to me backstage with an earpiece and he's like man i'm so sorry about this and i was like what is it he goes it's just the the duration of the set and i thought he's going to go i need you

to do 40 can you fill a bit more time? He went, I'm really sorry, but could you do just seven minutes? And I went, I went, all right, I guess. And I think I went under time.

Thanks very much. That's my best six. David Walker says, what's happening Lids? Are there any celebs that if you met them you'd struggle keeping your shit together footballers

any oh is it footballers I at the channel 4 comedy awards the only person that made me go oh it's you is a fucking

tiktoker and I because we'd had the free booze and he's called Luke Hamner he's a gay guy that does tiktoks

Laura sent me some general he's called Luke Hamner he's a gay guy that does TikToks Laura sent me some general he's here does funny TikToks so funny because Bill Bailey was there you've got Catherine Ryan wandering around there's legends everywhere and in my head I'm like yeah they're in

our industry I expect to see them and we were outside it's the end of the night and this Luke Hamner guy funny Laura sent me them a few times i like it it's really well done but i get it it's not the guy's not famous he's just doing well on like insta and tiktok and with enough beers in me i just forgot that i was also a guest at the national comedy awards and I'd been nominated and went, hi, hi Luke, you don't know who I am and you're great. And he went, he went,

right, thank you. I went, right. I just caught myself and went, oh, what a fucking knobhead.

I did it with Charlotte Ritchie. Yeah. Who's Charlotte Ritchie? She was Oregon in Fresh Meat. She's in You now. right, right, right,

right. And I was like, so I was looking for Bob Mortimer. I just wanted the picture of Bob Mortimer. I didn't give a fuck if it seemed like a gimp and I was like, it was looking for Bob Mortimer I just wanted the picture of Bob Mortimer I didn't give a fuck if it seemed like a gimp but I was like

it's Bob fucking Mortimer he's an absolute legend yeah absolutely I couldn't find him and then I'd seen Charlotte Ritchie loads and I was with Finn and he likes it as well

and I was like I was trying to go over and ask her she can only say no but then every time I'd go she'd move and I was like I can't follow her

so I just left her and then we were leaving and she was stood outside and I was like now's the time so me and Finn go up and she stood behind the door and out the door I'm like, I can't follow her. So I just left her and then we were leaving and she was stood outside and I was like, now's the time. So me and Finn go up and she stood behind the door and out the door,

I was like, Charlotte, can I get a picture? And she went, oh, not right now. I just went, cool.

You should have said when. When's good. Yeah, and as soon as she said that, I was like, she doesn't want to. So I kind of lingered for a minute and I was like,

oh, fuck it. Did you think that was out of order or did you? No, no, I totally got it. She was talking to her friends and she didn't want to so I kind of lingered for a minute and I was like oh fuck it did you think that was out of order or did you no no no I totally got it she was talking to her friends

and she didn't know who I am but I was like oh we took two L's that night yeah yeah it's a tricky one isn't it because

there's a load of comedians and industry people in her head she's like there's no fans in here but still be sound no yeah i got it and there's a girl come up after 10 seconds after me and she said the same thing to her so she's obviously getting it a lot she's still a bit of friends kind of out the way and

i've kind of like but i kind of respected it a little bit more i think the time it takes to say not right now and no but you might as well go yeah cool she didn't say cunty did she no she was like oh no sorry not right now i was like okay cool thinking i'll get another chance and i thought oh not right now means no yeah the only time i think you should well not that everyone does one thing the only time i'd be like no would be if i'm out with my kids that's it yeah yeah that's it adams is when he's eaten if you come and ask for a picture of rather oh yeah he will tell you to fuck off yeah don't that's not that gets yeah i saw someone recognized me in chester and went all right dan and then saw that i was with laura netter and went

all right cool yeah have a good one and just sort of yeah yeah sort of self-edited oh my god i made myself cringe with that um Footballers is the one. And it doesn't matter. If you play in the EFL league pyramid, doesn't matter where you are in it, I'm going to faint. In Liverpool... Lee Trundle!

It was Lee Peltier. Fucking hell. He used to play Liverpool, Huddersfield, a few other clubs. I swear, I was talking about getting that jacket in Zara in Liverpool 1 when I was buying that

he was in the shop and I was like holy fuck I have signed this guy I'm football manager did you get a selfie? no I had too much respect

for Lee Peltier he would nobody respects Lee Peltier he would be so nicely surprised to be asked for a selfie yeah nah I was like

do you know what he probably gets it all the time. What would you say if you met like Ronaldinho? Huh? What would you say if you met like, I would probably die if I met Ronaldinho. The weird thing is, I put him on such a like, I think when someone's that hyper-hypocritical. He doesn't exist. Nah, they're like an alien. Yeah, he's not real. Whereas Lee Peltier

knocking about him like, he's actually like I could be his mate. Imagine if Ronaldinho just went, yeah, not right now. In Zara. No, I wouldn't take that. I'd be his mate imagine if Ronald Ronaldinho just went yeah not right now in Zara no I wouldn't take that I'd be like

no get a picture with me and I'd wait okay I'll wait until now is okay yeah yeah or Zidane

if I met Zidane I think I'd cry as well or Van Persie but Van Persie feels more accessible than them too we're at the comedy awards where the

if you want to call them the bigger stars, were they just walking around and talking to everyone? Or was there a bit of a thing of, not the new school, but was there the TV acts? No, they were all cool. Was it like a big mix thing?

Yeah, it was a really nice mix of people. People that bought tickets to watch the show were in the tier above. Everyone on the floor was either industry or comedians or writers or like,

and everyone was sound. Agents are pretty savvy because they've got a professional sort of duty to not be gimps. I think the real risk is the newer, younger comedian

or the podcaster that's never been to the awards. Yeah. Because we're like, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, didn't he? He was like, I love your stuff. Joe Lycett made a beeline for you. That was a nice moment. Yeah. Right at the end. Yeah, that was nice. He got very flirty later on as well. Said that he thought I'd suck a good cock. I was like, cool. I think I would too.

I was like, I spoke to Laura, I was like, I think Joe Lycett sort of had a shoot of his shot. She just said, had a shoot of his shot. Not right now.

A shoot of his shot. I was like, well, I'm married, but you know. Fuck, we need to get Joe Lysette on again. Shall we do some underrated, overrated? Literally, you just have to discuss

whether you think it's underrated or overrated. We need the jingle. Someone sent me the jingle being made. Should we just do it? Underrated or overrated? Bosh. Let's not clip that. If it's me peltier,

I'm going to say one of the most underrated right backs. Stuart Wisby says, sub lids, can I get some underrated, overrated on this? Bacon. Now we've sort of touched on bacon before. I can't even start.

Where do you come down on this? Bacon, because it's very highly rated. Underrated, overrated. What bacon are we talking? I don't want to get too into it. Bacon is the most overrated food on the fucking planet.

I'm going to go with you, but when you get unbelievably nice bacon, it's amazing. Do you know what's better? A better sausage. An unbelievably nice sausage is better than better bacon. Bacon, oh, I couldn't be a vegan because I couldn't have a bacon bachi no more.

Fuck off. It's not that good. What's the bacon where they get it very American style and it's super thin and very crisp? Streaky bacon. Streaky bacon, yeah. I think I like the least healthy bacon. Yeah. Dirty. Healthy bacon. Dirty bacon. I couldn't live

without bacon. It's come up slightly, we've mentioned on it. New Year's Eve, overrated for Stuart Wisby it is definitely overrated the build up to it takes up all the time as opposed to the actual thing

yeah it's done in 30 seconds and see I'm sorry if anyone's into it see Auld Lang Syne I don't know whether it's just a

maybe like here you love it or something I feel like there's a big quiet tension in the room here no I don't know why. All Lang Zang is the worst. You lost it.

That's my fucking theme. All Lang Zang is the worst. See when people do that. May all the quaint and deep forgot and never brought to mind. Do you know in Japan when the shops are closed? Let's do a conga. They play that song just to let you when the shops are closed Let's do a conga They play that conga as well

They play that song just to let you know the shops are closed What would you replace it with? Mate Listen I've gone so so long in my life

without a conga I would love a conga It's been fucking years since a party wedding or someone's birthday someone went should we just whip out

a fucking conga You look like a conga guy oh the front of the conga you don't look like you need anyone else for a conga no I think we should be

doing it at like Fabric in London take a bump of ketamine let's do a conga I'd love to build up conga and then oops upside your head be amazing

not an oops upside your head kind of guy get off the floor you fat fucking idiot oh my god what about a cha-cha slide rock the boat

don't rock the boat baby a cha-cha slide cha-cha slide oh what about wickfield yeah cha-cha slide's got

the routine it's built into it oh I'm sorry I'm sorry has wickfield saturday night not got a fucking yeah but it hasn't got

the words it's not yeah the Macarena banger Cupid Shuffle banger oh fucking

Wigfield Saturday night right here hasn't got a fucking thing a conga let's make it happen congas underrated New Year's Eve

overrated yeah I don't think anyone gives a shit about congas but we've got some big shows coming up imagine dude imagine

what's the world record on a conga book the arena book the arena we'll start the conga there'll be two and a half thousand people waiting at the bar

we'll get them as well and we'll fucking conga oh wait there's a dog world record I want to say this I don't think the arena could organise a conga. Yeah, yeah.

No emails will be sent. Why does it just bring up... I don't know. Right. Not happy about this. Then why is it only bringing up world records of dogs? Only dog congas.

Human conga. Didn't think you'd need to write that. Peter conga. Oh, no. I don't think we're breaking this 119 000 guys look i'm where was it in the pod this week miami and that was you never know the live shows might get up that number we all good i don't mexican immigrants who is why am i being so controversial today who's reffing this what because i feel like it's nice my ex

i feel like the conga you broke the line it would have been a million people but he was just too card happy fuck I'd love a conga but you're right

New Year's Eve is very overrated massively but I feel like it'd be a good day to get married on just saying what

good day to get married New Year's Eve that's a really selfish invite that why because everyone's most people are out on New Year's Eve. Yeah, but you tell them in advance

and then then out is the wedding. All right, fair enough. I've been to a New Year's Eve wedding. Yeah, I feel like... Oh, a New Year's Eve wedding? Yeah. Oh, sorry. I thought you said New Year's Day wedding.

No, New Year's Eve. Okay, cool. I feel like that's the best day for the wedding. Just taxi ranks on New Year's Eve are a very special type of hell on earth. Yeah. I don't give a fuck how good the night is. Paddy's Day.

That will ruin it. Sushi, Shane. Underrated, overrated. Careful. I don't give a fuck how good the night is. Paddies, that will ruin it. That will ruin it as well. Sushi, Shane. Underrated, overrated? Careful, I've got to go down. I don't, I've not had the best kind of sushi. I've only really had it in like airports and stuff.

Right. Where it's not even a sushi place, there's just like a wee bit of it that does sushi. Do you know what I mean? No, because I've never had sushi. Underrated. People, I don't like raw fish. Well, don't eat that one then. Yeah, I i love fish i just haven't been to the right place so i'm

gonna say probably underrated thank you well done cool weather spoon sushi not good yeah the bacon was actually good today shane came to liverpool was early because of the flight and went where in Liverpool City Centre can I get breakfast and went the spoons the breakfast place there's a place called The Vibe I went that's perfect

but it's closed closed yeah because no one's awake because everyone's yeah because you guys are so cool probably opens at 2am for breakfast I'd go there

oh my god the Vibe the Vibe is 7am that's when The Vibe starts That one's at 2am for breakfast. I'd go there. Oh my God. The vibe is 7am. That's when the vibe starts. You want to catch the vibe? Early morning. Being potted is the last one from Stuart Wisby. What does that mean?

Wiz-O. Jazz cabbage. Smoking a little boogie candle. The old boogie candle. Yeah. No, I'm not. I think it's overrated. Smoking a little boogie candle? The old boogie candle. Yeah. No, I'm not. I think it's overrated. You're not a fan.

I'm not a fan. What was it that put you off it? Did you get paranoid in that? It doesn't taste very nice. It hurts my throat, and then it makes me feel weird. I mean, how many more things do you have to know that that drug is not for you

and anyone's like oh Dan you just need to I've tried everything else and liked most of it it's just something about weed does not do it and then watching Carl

go puff puff out there was a bit of a gap between it like there was five minutes yeah yeah yeah I mean I didn't go were you smoking crystal mate

I just don't you know never been a weed man me it's a it's a total novelty for me like right so I like it

for that reason it's underrated I enjoy it but I've never tried anything else right yeah same shrooms

I think it's shrooms underrated shrooms are underrated yeah there was a time when I slightly exceeded the dose of night nurse

the recommended dose fucking hell man what time was that well I woke up at 9am so he went to bed at 5pm

so that was slightly early night this is from Tom he says underrated overrated a curer possibly the most

underrated drink there is according to Tom. Hair of the dog. Oh. Oh, is that? I genuinely, I wasn't going to ask what Acura is.

Hair of the dog. It's half and a bevy the next day when you're hungover. Ah. Not for me, boys. Is hair of the dog what you drank the night before? Or is it just all that?

Because I feel like, I've never quite understood this. Is hair of the dog like, you got pissed on tequila last night, you need to start with tequila. It's not, is it just all out? Because I feel like I've never quite understood this. Is Hair of the Dog like, you got pissed on tequila last night, you need to start with tequila? It's not, is it? It's just any alcohol. It's to settle your stomach again, yeah.

And that's why Bloody Mary's the one. Yeah, vodka and a bit of fucking tomato juice and a bit of salad. No. It's never been for me. If I'm hungover, I don't want to smell alcohol. No. Will?

Yeah! If I'm hungover, I don't want to smell alcohol. No. Will? Will's had continuous hair of the dogs for 12 years. The work poo, and then we'll go for a break because... It's got a lot better here. Runcorn wasn't fun. No, the Runcorn was horrific. So Tom says, going back to the hourly paid days, does the fact that you're getting paid to drop the kids off at the pool make it much more satisfying or is it a load of literal shite if i was on the clock doing a fucking proper job and i had the discipline of bow to make myself

shit just about what quarter past two not in a break oh yeah totally go and take a 12 minute I used to go and sit in the toilet when I was a bartender yeah I worked in a call centre yeah you literally go and see what happened

yeah take a paper yeah and if someone came and what are you doing I'm having a poo go away but you're just sitting there on your phone

oh yeah I think absolutely wonderful I mean I don't do it here I think it's rated though because I think I think the whole of the workforce. Public poos, I don't rate anyway.

Have you plopped here? I've shit here a couple of times. I try and avoid it. Tell you who has. Adam Rowe. Yeah, working with Adam and public poo

and not going together. Not good? Oh, no. Oh, lad. There's a disabled toilet and we all respect it

as a disabled toilet. It's basically Adam's toilet and it's disability is that it's used by Adam I know by the way I know how that sounded it sounded like

I was like that toilet must be disabled I can't get it I know the toilet isn't actually probably is no though I'm going to have some shit in it's mouth every day

PTSD why yeah do you know when people say like oh don't go in that cubicle it's like don't go in the toilet right because Adam's done a poo the last hour yeah er lolly Yeah, do you know when people say, oh, don't go in that cubicle? It's like, don't go in the toilet. Right, right. Because Adam's done a poo the last hour.

Lolly! Let's have a work poo. Anyone? Yeah? Yeah. Get some sushi. I, listen to camera, I want to apologise to the Asian communities

of Blackburn, Bradford and Birmingham. I just mentioned that. I insinuated that they might. No, you just mentioned they had an Asian community. Yeah. Which is great. And you just said

there's nice curries in Birmingham. Which is great. I apologise. What is your favourite take that song? We're not invincible. Really? We're only people.

Apparently that's when Gary started to get pissed off because Robbie comes in in that song takes some vocals oh does he yeah yeah yeah what is my favourite

take that song sure go on no no no sure if I take that will you light my fire surely what's the

no never forget Lulu ruins never forget it's my favourite Lulu isn't in it yes she is is she yeah

yeah what oh famously yeah yeah yeah Lulu ruins it. Never forgets my favourite. Lulu isn't in it. Yes, she is. Is she? Yeah. Yeah. What? Oh, famously. Yeah. There's no need for her to be in it. But she's in it. Is that Lulu, yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who do you think it was?

Robbie. Before his balls dropped. You thought they got Howard out? Go on, Howard. From the Halifax. Was Jason Orring one of them? Yeah. Jason Orring and Howard grew up in my hometown. Really, huh? Yeah. From the Halifax. Was Jason Orange one of them? Yeah.

Jason Orange and Howard grew up in my hometown. Really? Yeah. In my head, Howard from the Halifax, Argentina. That's two weeks in a row that man's been mentioned. Do you know he was on GB News recently? Oh, no. Oh, no.

Howard. Oh, yeah, but he's... Brennan's here. Come here. Brennan's here. Brennan's been on so much. He's like, but he's... Brennan's here. I'm here. Brennan's here. Brennan's been on so much. He's like, yeah, of course Brennan's here. He's always here. I'm coming to the new studio.

This is the first time. Welcome to your first of 29 visits. Hey! Howard from the Halifax. Yeah, he went on GB News. Do you know one of them like, when they're arguing for or against? Freddie does it it doesn't he

yeah yeah and i mean freddy does a lot freddy doesn't say no to loads go on well and he um but i think he went on arguing like the wrong side what really yeah i think really? Yeah, I think they were like... Was it mortgage rates? Yeah, if that's what you want to call them. It's a big issue though, isn't it, right now? Yeah. It's a fucking disgrace. I don't know if it's what GB News

are mainly focused on. Don't they like... No, it's a big part of it. Aren't they like anti-Europe, anti-immigration? It was on Halifax changing the pronouns on their customer assistance badges. Does he even work there anymore?

Not anymore! Because he won't fuck around with the pronoun game. Here, a surname for a pound. What is it? Don't look. Brown. Yeah. I don't know why I know that.

Because you've just seen it. But I know it. And I want to add an apology to Howard and all the people of... Do you reckon he uses that with birds? What? Listen, girl, I was Howard. He still is. to Howard and all the people of Blackwater do you reckon he uses that with birds what listen girl I was Howard

he still is I was the geezer back in the day yeah yeah yeah do you know if you get all the women that he's shagged they just make him

stand in a giant X and he goes they give you extra in Dover he therefore gets pussy Howard oh yeah I reckon he does freshers weeks still in Dover he therefore gets Percy Howard oh yeah I reckon he does

freshers weeks still yeah all in PAs like do you know when like Chesney Hawks and what's the guy did Get Your Own Back

Dave Benson Phillips yeah they all they all do them don't they and I bet he turns up and he just goes who gives you extra and they all go

what what that was three he's in he's in the office yeah doing a doing a PA

so like it's the is it the Christmas special yeah he's Howard from the Halifax is himself doing a PA

at a nightclub and a girl from EastEnders is it Bobo from Big Brother he's in it so nicely done and he fucking throws a drink in his

he actually works in a Halifax now ironically odd that's us in five years what big brother it's the lads from Havowood the rubber sole oh no

we're never doing PAs never you'll have to at some point never that way he whines fellas doing them now innit he's got a song he's got a song.

He's got a song. I mean, you just asked me to come and do this. The main reason I've come to England. To get to, yeah, to get to wait. Get myself some pride.

I remember years, years ago, I opened a Weatherspoons in Billingham. It sounds like you just worked there. I opened it. I opened up. They just let me be duty manager for the day. It was great. Where are the spoons in where?

Billingham. Billingham. Near Middlesbrough. Near Middlesbrough. And it was, I've talked about being on Panto before, but it was when I did Panto with Jake Canuso. He was one of the Spice Girls backing dancers

and in Benidorm. He sounds like a mob boss. He's Louis Spence's friend. He's not a mob boss. He's Louis Spence's friend. He's not a mob boss. We had to cut a ribbon. No, we didn't hear that. I do a decent Louis Spence, but I'm not.

No, come on, do it. It's Louis Spence, darling! It is! That was really good. It's a decent Louis Spence. Billing him. people went to see you didn't they I remember

seeing it on Facebook yeah people went on to support you you weren't buttons were you no I was Chinese Aladdin

oh no what what year was this 2015 too recent too recent it was before racism yeah yeah

so it's fine can I ask what did you have to do when opening the weather like did they you have to be there for an hour

beforehand you kind of like no we walked up in our costumes and then the scissors wouldn't work because I was

Chinese Aladdin and I just it was fine it's okay Aladdin will do it was there any not allowed things within the

Billingham panto oh no it was all it was too much the guy who directed it had a keyboard tie on nice he's dead now

yeah yeah yeah Dougie Summer yeah yeah and uh but yeah he would be like so these two go into a bar and it'd be like that's the jokes of it there was characters called ping and ponk oh you told us this yeah yeah right it was it was it was the lacest there was a coach called ping and pong yeah yeah

one was a midget and they kept referring to him as a midget nice okay on the on the poster it said midget from Phoenix Knights. Small person. Yeah, but they didn't refer to him. Did you get a few quid for opening the

Wetherspoons? No. Or was that just part of the deal? Shit. I've said this before on Pod but you've got to

hear it. Preston Playhouse 2013 our mate from Youth Drama was still doing like stuff at the press and play

I was like amateur dramatics and we went to see the panto now we'd all been in the panto like early 90s mid 90s

this was 15 18 years later and she was like I still love it I still do it part time and it was Aladdin

and the policemen were What Went Wong and Who Done Pong which is even rock it's almost like billing and we're gone that's a bit on the nose let's just go with ping and pong yeah don't do the first don't do a full sentence of racism um uh yeah best time of your life no i hated it and i got in trouble because i hated it because i'd mark it down I had my own dressing room

and I was like marking down the days because you do two a day and then the dame came in this guy called Craig who would nosh people off in the break like in between the two shows

that's part of the ticket price that's part of the ticket price yeah I just wanted to meet your guys but we spell M-E-A-T and then and because Grindr and Billingham

I don't think that so it's just like four men that was like oh there's a new gay and then Craig would go out and nosh him off in the car park how cheesy

if you're small town Grindr and be like well I know that cunt's 120 yards away he's behind you we're going gonna make great dads it was a dad i know you're a dad no i'm a dad oh yeah did you did you say to me we're gonna be great dads guys keep going and you'll stop being shit and being a dad. Hey, we're dog dads, don't we?

Dog dads, yeah. Your child doesn't shit on the floor. I didn't buy my child in a shop. Well, that's when me and you did. And she was going very cheap. Went to a breeder. No, well, I went to a breeder, but I think it's like a grand compared to 18 years worth of pay.

Exactly. We just paid up front. You got it on the catalogue. Yeah, that's true. Little buds, Jack. It's not the same though, is it? Yeah. I get up early and I have to clean shit up.

What else do you do? Your dog's shitting the house. He's only a puppy and he's learning. Your dog's shitting the house when you first got it yeah but like five months in in dog years that's like a five-year-old shit in its own pants no it's not five times one it's five months times seven that's not five years old try again what what three and a half yeah there you go toddlers still shit the kegs, don't they? No. Slow ones. Lads, usually, I'm not even joking. A lot of lad toddlers are like,

why am, why, what are you doing? Potty train? Yeah, yeah. Why just shit stud ear? And then you change it. Adam still does that. Why don't I not go there and fucking stress myself out? Why don't I poo my,

my nephew is nearly fucking four like we've got to sort him out shit in his kegs yeah he's just i understand yeah why would you want to change yeah you'd be like i just why don't i just poo here and stay on the ipad yeah but you can't be at uni and then be like your mum drops you off and then you're still going right well someone's gonna have to do it there's six of us no there is a turning point you're still a virgin yeah yeah there's discrimination against my type girls are just a bit more switched on to it i think i think girl toddlers are just a lot ahead of boy toddlers aren't they don't they like start getting things earlier well i'm seeing a lot of differences now because i've got a six-year-old daughter

but i can't i think the being a parent you sort of block a lot of the mental stuff out i think there's honestly a chemical in your head after you've become a parent that sort of releases to make you forget how painful it is in the first two two and a half three years so you go you know what we should do we should do this again you wake up optimistic every day and that's mental yeah yeah you're like frodo and the boys every day you're like we're going to mordor here defo you go back but by the time you so now like i know etta was like a baby and Lato as much as the next man but he's got Samuel Lato and Zlatan Ibrahimovic yeah

little Ibra he does not take any shit I've shit myself oh by the way if they're not rated underrated I hate that cunt Ibrahimovic yeah

what a fucking try hard gob shite he is oh what I honestly I hope someone's named their son after Zlatan

that would be so good there must be in the UK someone's gone Zlatan we should have named Jack Zlatan he gives off such

Ibrahimovic energy just doesn't give a shit he's such a little gremlin and now we're looking back going Etta was in my head

Etta was two years old going father what should we do today but of course she wasn't she was probably just a little gremlin as well but compared he just looks so fucking feral In my head, Etta was two years old going, Father, what should we do today? But of course she wasn't. She was probably just a little gremlin as well. But compared, he just looks so fucking feral. And she's so nice with him.

He's like, stop! Get off! iPod! Pepper! He's just such a ball bag. Proper Ibrahimovic energy. I think that's like second child syndrome. Symptom.

Syndrome. Second child syndrome syndrome symptom syndrome second child syndrome yeah yeah yeah like i i got i felt do you know when you say a word are you like i don't think we can say you can say syndrome now can't you yeah you can say syndrome you just can't say the other word syndrome pass down syndrome people were talking about Lockdown syndrome With kids You know like You know the changes The way they are socially And that kind of thing

My dad was telling everyone That my son had Lockdown syndrome For a long time Isn't that when you're like Aware but you can't Verbalize Yeah

So when people saw Run the bad ass They were like This guy's improved Very quickly Was that lockdown syndrome They just hadn't seen The outside world And all like No no no get us improved. Very quickly. Was that locked-in syndrome they just hadn't seen the outside world and all?

No, no, no. It's like a condition where you're conscious but you can't move any part of your body. Bruce Willis has got it now. Who? Bruce Willis.

No, he's got dementia. No, I thought he's got locked-in. No, he's got something else. No, it's the thing Cammy's got. He's got lockdown syndrome. Oh, I thought he was getting locked-in. He's still not right after Hans Gruber

Hans Gruber Hans Gruber syndrome I don't know what we were talking about but anyway what were we talking about oh we're going to be good parents

but also second child syndrome second child syndrome but also my sister when she was born hated my brother he's three years older so much so that when

once he got out of the bath my sister tried to bite his cock off. He came down onto the bottom step and he was like, mum, I need a towel. And my sister just crawled over and she was just like, and my mum just went,

whoa, she nearly bit his cock off. I tell you what, Brennan, whenever we book you, whenever we book you. Is that so mad? No, whenever we book you, there's always that thing like brennan's done it a few times i wonder where we'll go with it you've never not turned up

with some absolute random by the way it used to be a circus family that was the act the cockless boy howard would say they them the cock was them what the fuck how old was she um 12 no she was about two three right

so she had she must have had teeth because that's that's it's off removal of a cock with gums

that's just a long old sock oh god oh wow wow anyway shout out howard from the halifax your your little ones are the similar age to the dance aren't you so you must have similar um experiences yeah i you've got two and a half year old two and a half and six months

oh no you're yeah you're still in the the blast zone we're about to do our first trip first like on the plane holiday that's not that's not for me like long call or no no no it's a short flight like but i mean i'll be in business but we took we took jack away when he was a year old and it was one of the worst decisions i've ever made and when he was crying on the plane i felt myself like almost giving dirty looks to my wife you know when people are like yeah baby yeah yeah come on sort it out like shit is mine yeah yeah you can't fucking give people shit i when it's your kid he was just it's just too young do you never just want to talk to them though like so you join him with everyone else he's're just like. Yeah. Awful.

I'm not with these. Yeah. Like we were talking about Australia. Like I'm about to do Australia. No, you're not taking them to Australia. Of course I'm not. And people are like, oh, you're bringing the kids. I'm like, absolutely not.

Although I did, Chris Kemp came on my podcast, if you know Chris. Love him. And we were talking about doing Australia and he has, he had kids the same age. And we were talking about that. And he said, oh, I went to Australia. And he said, i brought the kids and i went i'm thinking like back me up here chris i'm like yeah but mine are under three though and he went yeah mine were under three at the time i was like chris shut the fuck up i'll be honest if i took my family to australia

with the kids there'd be a chance i came back without them there'd be yeah once you've done that flight you'd be like i think you've emigrated now so stay here yeah I've done it on my own daddy's going back to Chester leave yourself just release you into the outback I remember once go because you go to Dubai and then you go Dubai to wherever in Australia and I had about seven kids around me of varying ages between like three and maybe like 16. And their parents had fucked off into the front bit. And this kid for about six hours, just kicking the chair.

And I went, stop. And he went, no. And just kicked the chair. It's crazy that that wouldn't rationalize him. Because you feel like you're telling on kids as well. Like if you get the, do the dinger and get the- Do the dinger. I'm on an international flight!

That is so great. I love it when you just remind us that you're Northern. I was going really far away and I did the dinger and I said, that little bastard's going to get his fucking job done.

I'd do something horrible too. Like what? Throw a tea on him or something. Bites his cock. Throw a tea on him? Bites his cock. Yeah, I'd be like, oh, when he kicked me,

oh, you may be over the top yeah oh no it's free booze on long haul flights can i get a gin and tonic nice for him pass them around imagine their parents came back and they're just all if you're going on a long haul flight and you're a rich animal and you're like i'll tell you what i'll do because we're wealthy we'll buy child care basically on a long haul flight thing yeah you've got we'll go in first they won't appreciate it and we'll just release them into the creche that is coach i think there might have been a genius but it's fucking awful we were going from dubai right dubai dubai dubai dubai i pressed the dinger australia right so i think their parents

might have been a bit livid if i start feeding them alcohol and bacon oh yeah well i'm i filled my quota on that banter today it's been pretty big you got a big quarter um yeah well i listen if you ever do panto again i'm there great and i'll take mushrooms He got a big quote on it. Yeah. Well, listen, if you ever do Panto again, I'm there. Great.

And I'll take mushrooms. I think you should do a, have a word Panto. We're going to do a nativity, Scouse nativity. Scouse nativity. Live? Yeah.

Yeah. But this is, that's scripted, isn't it? That's the thing you need a script for. And I suggest that that's not where have a word really flourishes as a company. I think we can go off script, though. Right.

Like the donkeys, you know, like a BMW on lease. And like the presents would be like 110s, like weed and, you know what I mean? Scouse a fire up, lad. I don't know what you've just said. Exactly. Speaking of live events, we just did Comedians Charity Boxing back home. Right. And we were thinking about

for the next one next year if we do it again make it do it in the arena in Belfast and have Belfast versus the rest

so guys from here guys from Scotland Belfast versus the rest of the world what do you think I think it sounds great

yeah and I wish you every luck who do you want to fight who do I want to fight who do I want to fight Kieran Kieran Bartlett yeah I'll take Kieran

who are you fighting I'm getting nowhere we'll have Dave Longley for you Dave Longley he sounds hard I don't want to fight Dave Longley

he's ginormous I don't want to fight anyone who's going to beat me his shoulders look like that sign like he's he's big unit he's a square man no no I want to fight anyone who's going to beat me. His shoulders look like that sign. Like he's big units. He's a square, man.

No, no. He's a square. Who did you fight this time? A guy called Johnny Bo. Yeah? Yeah. Beat him. Yep.

Congrats. 1-0. What was it like being- Someone still had to go, but neither of us had ever fought. When you get punched for the first time, you can't gauge how hard a punch is going to be until you meet him. Neither of us had ever punched or been punched. Ever? Not really. for the first time you can't gauge how hard a punch is going to be until you meet them neither of us had ever punched or been punched ever not really well like playing football like silly scrap

or something nothing major um and then when we were boxing the first session we went to was with junior amateurs like hyped 18 year olds who like do this all the time and i was in the middle of the guys like right let's go ahead and square off with this guy, like in a proper ring. And I was just about to ask the guy like, how serious are we taking this? He'd hit me twice by the time I got that sentence ready. I was like, right, well, we're obviously taking this serious.

It was so good. And actually getting hit wasn't that bad at all. Because once you've been hit once, you went, right, well, this is a bit of fun. Like it was such a novel experience. I was like, never going to do this again and the adrenaline and stuff

you don't really feel I always felt it like the next day but it was class it was so good so the amateurs you sparred with them just as part of the training

they were taking it easy we were going full but they're just lightning fast so fast yeah and like kids so they're like

dancing about the boxing scene is unbelievable as well isn't it yeah it's great to be part of it I got a track suit Belfast. Yeah. And like kids. So they're like dancing about. The Belfast boxing scene is unbelievable as well, isn't it? Yeah. It's great to be part of it. I got a track suit made for the fight.

And I had like, my nickname is Sugar Shane, right? So it's like Sugar Shane Todd. It's got Tea With Me podcast on the arm. It's got sponsors and stuff. And so I'm like, that's a nice track suit. I was like, I can only wear this today. I can never wear this again in my life because I'm a dickhead

if I wear this tomorrow to the shops. Yeah, but you trained, didn't you? Oh, like no one's ever trained before. Really went for it.

Yeah, because I never was saying that like it was embarrassing. Like, oh, you're really taking this seriously. I was like, yes,

I don't want to get beat up. Like, so I'm going to put everything I can into this. And Johnny Bowe's not, he's a big guy. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. David Vigalias. What? David Vigalias, aowe's not, he's a big guy. Yep. Yeah.

Yeah. David Vigalath. What? David Vigalath, a lot of people were saying. Oh, yeah, yeah.

I heard that, yeah. What? Did you knock him out? No. Did you knock him down? No, no,

there was no knockouts. The standard was unreal. Like, it was really good. Like, the fights actually looked good. We live streamed it. I'm watching it back.

You're like, everyone looks like they actually can box, but, um, I knocked his tooth out, but it was a screw in. So I don't it back you're like everyone looks like they're actually calm box but I knocked his tooth out but it was just screwing so I don't know if you're giving me that

you know just reloads a little tiny so it unscrews yeah so technical you're so precise I'm that fast I took his gum shield out

yeah unscrewed threw it down he's going for the molars yeah he's got a bayonet tooth you wouldn't do it would you I wouldn't do it

Adam has done it Adam's already done it hasn't he yeah I don't know if Adam would do it again with his shoulder but I think he'd be tempted

I think he'd be tempted with just because he gets competitive I'd do it I'd love it I think you'd be great I reckon I'd be I reckon I'd get thin again and then I can like start

I'd love to scrap you can't go wrong if you're winning to grow a feeling if you lose well you're a comedian you're winning to grow a feeling if you lose well you're a comedian you're not supposed to win boxing like it matters you know what I mean

it's like but I'd bite an ear off like Tyson right I'd go I'd be pulling air and shit would you fuck I'd be well

you'd float around would you bite a cock off I press the ding ding it started give me that sign and now Brennan Rees is fighting a child from the

United Arab Emirates it's payback for Australia who would you want to fight comedian wise well it's got to be Northern Irish oh Northern Irish

yeah yeah yeah can it be okay how many Northern I'm trying to think of he's going to set it up who would you fight on the UK circuit

on the UK circuit or On the UK circuit? Oh, there is some comics that I actually don't like. Who? Who would I love to punch? I mean, I know we can't... I don't know. If anyone else just went, now I'm very interested.

Yeah. Brendan's about to make this a salty episode. But you have to fight Amanda, don't you? Amanda? Amanda. Oh, sorry. Yeah? Amanda Holden.

Oh, I'm not doing it then. Who would I love? I think Adam would be a good fight. I love Adam, by the way. It's good to do it against a mate. So me and Johnny are mates. That's fun. Yeah.

You know, I think it can be a real animosity. It has to be like jokey. Because there was bad blood. There was real bad blood between some of the people fighting. And that looked not fun to me. Because in the lead up to it. They were like so intense. That's what happens when two people roast each other who don't like each other.

And you know, when you just go in, you've just called her a cunt. Right. With no punchline. Yeah. Yeah. I think she's a cunt. Yeah.

Yeah. I think with the roasting thing, you need to sort of, you need to feel like the affection of like, oh, it's piss take banter. Otherwise it just does seem like high end bullying really, doesn't it yeah yeah whereas we take the piss out of each other it's different as soon as you know there's animosity yeah if if someone else came in and said something about you but who the fuck are you yeah i would hate to fight adam i'd hate to fight

you i just i think it'd be awful do you know i'd like to fight they'd love it bear in mind you've a hair guard on you You have massive gloves. The chance of you hurting the other person are pretty slim. But I do understand what you mean. I'd only do body work. Yeah? Yeah. Can't wear fucking pads on your bellend.

Actually, can you get a cup on you? Is your bellend tucked up in the bell? Just popping out, little gum shield and head finger. I'd love to fight Freddy. Because it'd be like fighting, do you remember Butterbean, the wrestler? Oh, why? But he was good.

Yeah, I know, but I could just run around. Yeah, you pass out. You can't even breathe in his sleep. So he's not going to be able to breathe in his room. Well, that's why I said Kieran. Because I was like, I'll try, like, I'll go for speed. But if Kieran hit me, I'm going night-night. Kieran can kick the same head as his head. I'm out. What'm going night-night. Kieran can kick the same height as his head.

I'm out. What? I didn't realise that. He can kick the same height as... He told me he used to do judo. It's Kieran Bartlett. Kieran Bartlett's a big lad. Yeah, he's a big guy, right?

And he said the same himself. And he said I can kick really high. And I went, well, how high? And he said I could kick level with my own head. And I was like, you can't. We had to stop the podcast go into the car park you know when

Brent and Chris Finch threw the kettle over the pub it was like that all of a sudden man does a quick stretch and then boom kick my hand

level best thing I've ever seen in my life I'm out I used to be able to get my leg behind me when I used to try and suck myself off

in my teenage years. Have you ever had a cool one? Oskar B. He gave it himself. Can you try? I've got to try. In jeans as well. No.

What a great way to pull a hammy. Get your pants off. I reckon you can do this, you know. Oh, shit. Oh, for the audio listeners. Oh, my God. Be serious. Do you want me to help you with that hurt? Oh my God.

There's your thumbnail. Oh, there's a man who's dying to get pegged. You've not done bad there, though. Not bad there. Bit of loosening up. Bit of belly. Yeah. But why do you know how to do that?

Because I used to try and suck myself off quite often. How often? Like, using... Every day? Every day, yeah. What was the closest you got? I got in. I had to go.

Did you just get your mug to the end of it? No, I wasn't getting to the shaft. But I got over the bell end. It's weird when you've got your own bell end in your own mouth. Is it? Weird. Because I've got quite a prominent... Family history. You bit your own dick off. My it? Yes. Weird. Cause I've got quite a prominent. Family history.

You bit your own dick off. My sister has given me tips. She's like, this is how you get a cock in your mouth. Get your teeth out. The whole United Squad one. No, what I used to do. Cause I'd finished school. Like my school finished at half two every day.

So I was able to go home before my mum and dad got back from work. So I'd really put a shift in. And then me and my brother used to have bunk beds. Skyrocketing flight. So I'd get on his bed because he had a double one.

Do you know those 90s ones that did that? Oh yeah. So I'd be on the single one. But I'd get down on the, and then I'd get on the bed. My technique. And then push off.

Oh, legs in the air, the audio listeners. And then just try and get the the air audio listeners oh no and then one day yeah tilt the mic and then you do the tongue fine then you get your lips on this is the thumbnail by the way and then there was one day and i don't know whether I just had some Sunny D or some extra energy, and I managed to get the tip in. And I mean, I don't know why, I'm quite a nice boy,

but whenever I get around you guys, yeah, I come in my own mouth. And it was horrific. So you got it in and then socked properly? Yeah, I got it. Brennan! You'd already done enough you'd done enough you told us that the dick was in the mouth you you went above and beyond it was you should have held something back it wasn't weird till you came it wasn't weird it wasn't weird till you came

like that your own dick in your mouth weird but to but to cum in your mouth, like that's... Yeah, but if you're gonna go to, I don't know, let's say, if you're gonna go to America, you're gonna have a look at the Statue of Liberty. So if you're there, you might as well. When in Rome, yeah. When in Rome, do as the Romanians do. I've always, don't be mistaken, why did you want to suck yourself off? Well, no one else was doing it. Yeah, they didn't want to be hacked.

Yeah, but I don't want a dick in my mouth, let alone mine. Did it taste different? Oh, oh, oh. What? I don't want a dick in my mouth. Is your dick lower on the list than other men's dicks?

Yeah. Okay. Is that more gay? Yeah. To suck your own dick? I think so. It's like if you shoved it up your own ass. I mean, it's double gay

because you're being sucked off while sucking someone off. Double gay. It's like you've been shoved up your own arse. I mean, it's double gay because you're being sucked off while sucking someone off. Double gay. It's the circle of gay life. It never ends. Hey, do you know if you'd have swallowed your day, where would it have come off? I would have been like, cat dog.

Do you ever have a cartoon? Come up your arse, and then you'd be bumming yourself. I'm getting bummed. Quad gay. I didn't swallow though. I didn't. I didn't. It just sounds like a toilet.

Oh, hey, hey, you're cool now. Yeah. It wasn't the taste, it was the texture. Oh! Like an oyster. Like a big salty oyster. It was like something that's not in your mouth, yeah. Ah! Oh, dirty guess. Thanks for coming, Shane.

No, thank you. That's what I said to her. Thanks for coming, me. How long did it take for you to it took a while I can't suck a dick I'll tell you that for free was it spontaneous or you knew that was the end goal well I only ever got the tip in once

so it wasn't as if I kept going back jizzing in the mouth. Was it the, you were like, this is the end goal or was it, oh shit, I'm going to come. Yeah, he's not, he's never had a good pullout game. Yeah, I've never really, oh no, mine's good. I don't want kids.

Yeah. But I. It must be good. You're 47. You've got no kids. My throat's pregnant though. Your blowjob record is the same as my boxing record 1-0

1-0 Yeah but mine had a knockout TKO Total cock out Oh god I don't like being hit You do it to yourself Yeah

That's what Freddie Freddie always does this. Oh, you make me say the worst things. Do you know what I think? I've always had this when I was growing up. And if someone's like, when I had mates around me, they go, do that.

Like, I remember some of my mates twatting me with a Kendo stick. And I was being like, but they're all laughing, aren't they? And then being run over by one of my mates because it was funny or smashing a car because it was funny. I think once you talk about

sucking yourself off to completion, nothing else you mention is going to jump out his way at night. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's all. You got ran over. Yeah. On purpose.

It was half and half. So I was at a barbecue when I was at uni and we were all pissed. That's a lot. I was at a barbecue, so so like never had those green little beers right to my two percent oh yes and um and then we got into the idea of like car surfing so i got on my friend's yellow beetle and then i'm driving down the street he's driving and i'm

on the top and then he put his brakes on and i slid onto the bonnet and i thought oh shit i'm i need to get off but instead of getting off at the side while he was still driving, I got off in front and ran and then he got me immediately. And then I woke up in hospital. Okay. It's more confusing than the jizz in your own mouth story. You were surfing on your mate's car. There was a little bit of a break. You lost your balance. You slid down. Yeah, yeah. And you thought, I'll outrun this. I just thought, I need to get off.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hang on, you sucked yourself off when I was wearing your own car. Not my car. I'm not from E17. Do you remember that, Cali? No, but you were in the car. No, I was on the car.

Yeah, still your car though, isn't it? No, well, I was part of the journey, but yeah, it wasn't my car. Yeah. Mad. Cal, what was your reasoning there? but yeah it wasn't my car yeah mad Karl what was your reasoning there once you're surfing on a car

that's your car no but I mean like it's all him isn't it you need to start your own one man band or something you'd be fucking

great at that you don't have the song just me and Liverpool one tambourine oh god let's have a break

and think about what's just happened another guest on the pod first time he's a good old man now Wallace Regler Wallace Wallace

press the button I already have the cheer button the claps oh sorry yay yes Wallace lad you said that like

do it do it he's gonna be hurt that you did it you're like you know those like dance moms yeah

oh absolutely I am yeah he's gonna go swimming soon as well what Brennan's been taking his dog swimming and I need to take Wallace swimming.

Yeah, me and my ex take the dog swimming. What? What? What? Weirder than the self sucking off. You've got shared custody. Yeah, we've been doing it now for a while. You meet up with a woman who doesn't like you

for a dog swimming lesson. A woman who doesn't love me. Let's get it right. I still like you, I just don't love you anymore. How bad would that be? I know you've got to go and meet your ex if you've got kids together. You're like, oh God, here we go. Woof, you're no fucking help.

And then you've got to go swimming lesson. Meeting her at Birch Services, there's the dog. I'm not trying to do a joke, but don't they just do doggy paddle? Like, what are you trying to teach them? Butterfly?

What's... Like, it's just... It's just a dog in the water, isn't it? Yeah, but they don't get to be in the water, do they? So it's nice to take them. Pond.

Yeah. Pond. Would you throw your kid to take them down a pond? Would you throw Etta in the pond? No, because she's not a fucking dog.

Oh, you ate dogs. I don't eat dogs, but if I had one, it's going in a pond. Wallace, stay there. Don't listen. Wallace, don't jump in the pond. Sorry, Wallace. We shouted. But there was a teacher.

Yeah. And honest to God, right, so scruff in the water. And then a guy, like, she don't know what to do. She's freaking out. You see a bear in the water? Expert. Sorry. Ex-scruff. and then the guy like she doesn't know what to do she's freaking out you see her bathing in the water expert sorry ex-scruff so

he gets her she's like I'm freaking out and then he just starts going like this dog looks and then she starts doing it

amazing it was worth 20 quid it's natural for them how much 20 quid for 15 minutes 20 quid an hour no oh sorry

80 quid an hour cool that's why, sorry. 80 quid an hour. 80 quid an hour. Cool. That's why I've had kids. Cheaper. No, a kid costs the same place as a Peugeot. I was... What? A kid costs the same place as a Peugeot.

It does cost the same place. And if the dog's under three, you get 30 hours free swimming, so... Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 30 hours? Great. No.

Can I tell you what I did in the Cotswolds Dan so you can hate me yeah what is is the Cotswolds like the country like the countryside

yeah it's southern countryside right I went there for our birthdays on the weekend we could rent the cottage and with our friends and stuff

it was lovely on the last night Seneca brought aww Wallace was there. Look at him. Are you twoing up? What? Are you twoing up?

What? Twoing up? Tearing up. Oh, tearing up. Are you twoing up? So what we did, Dan, we all got a canvas. You listening? I'm distracted. Can you put the dog down? I don't want to.

He's cute, isn't he? He's beautiful. We all got a canvas, Dan. With some art, some paints and stuff. And on the back of the canvas was a word. And you got a canvas for 10 minutes. And then you passed it to the next person and they added to it. But every 10 minutes you'd have a shot as well. So we've done like a...

You did artistic Chinese whispers? Mm. For an hour with six, it was more than six, you had loads. Did you paint a cock and balls? No, the words were masculine, feminine, sexy, groovy, calm and space.

You've changed. Yeah. It was cooler. What was your word? My first word was space, so calm and space. You've changed. Yeah. It's cooler. What was your word? My first word was space. So I started space. And then when it came back to me, it finished.

So I took it on. So it's not like a sentence, a done form of sentence, just like a word you're feeling. It's what you think the word means. Oh, my God. I did life drawing once. Oh, no, hang on, Brennan.

I knew he made it. What? It was great though. I feel like, because Ro's not here, I've got to go, I did life drawing once on a no hang on Brennan I knew he made it what it was great though it was really wholesome because Ro's not here I've got to go what the fuck are you talking about it was really wholesome

you get a canvas yeah and the word is space on the back of mine was space so I started space I did a deep blue background do some circles

and then passed it on and then the next one came to you and you've just got to guess what it is you've not no you know the word you look and go okay and then you paint what you then the next one came to you and you've just got to guess what it is you've not no you know the word

you look and go okay and then you paint what you think that word is for 10 minutes what time of the day was this 1am 1am

yeah we were blathered you were blathered never start an activity at 1am Brennan what time do you go to bed at if you're doing free choices

a random weeknight and you've nothing on what time do you go to bed at 11 midnight yeah even that what time do you go to bed at? 11 midnight? Yeah, because you're normal. Even that is f***ing... What time do you start art projects? I mean, you've already sucked your dick.

Yes. You've got to fill the day. Suck my dick, coursework's due, and I do the thing. It was really wholesome and we were blathered and it was fun. And we got some lovely... we all got a piece of art each out of it. Yeah, but not hangable art. Yeah. I'm a shit at art, but like when i got sexy you know i've

got to put on the ping and a cock and balls didn't go on for sexy it's 1am i'm not even messing you're blooded seneca went no dicks are allowed to be drunk right she knows you yeah but it was really wholesome and fun you keep saying wholesome like you're trying to convince yourself it was i really enjoy it's like when carl says lovely ladies and you know he doesn't mean it they were all lovely ladies um you did an art drawing class yeah like a life drawing class oh a couple of years ago you weren't the model no no god oh i'd do that would you yeah no i would for an hour just sit there bollock oh no yeah flas brennan if you suck your dick as a model and still you'd go down in history wow we've never had this challenge before i'm sorry can you keep

that hard please continuity get the tip back so halfway just me breathing through my nose for an hour wow you've really captured the look of regret and the bead of jizz. The way his balls are on his chin. The way you said dick in a Liverpool accent. Dick. Dick. It goes lovely at the end. Dick.

Dick. What's your Ulster dick? Dick. Dick. That's sharp. That's sharp. It's like a knife. It's just a dick. Dick.

A1U on dick. How do you say my name? Carl. Carl. Right. Carl Right Carl Okay so My partner's family

From Cork So I'm Carol Oh right yeah Sounds like they call me Carol See The Scouse people saying dick Reminds me of

I went on a school trip Um Whenever I was maybe Twelve And our bus driver Was Scouse But we did not know that After starting the trip

So it was just a random bus driver. I was a double-decker bus. I went to an all-boys school. So the bus was going from Northern Ireland on the ferry over to England for a school trip. It was going to be like a 15-hour drive. And yeah, it was just a random bus driver from the bus company. And when we got on, it was a chemistry teacher,

but like a young guy who did not have the respect of the students. And made the mistake of going guys sit upstairs at the top deck if you want you sit down with me sounds like well obviously we're going to the top deck and we're driving through england after getting off the ferry on this bus and it was like 9 p.m at night and what started that morning like 7 a.m so everybody's like half asleep. And, you know, we've been drinking cans of Coke, eating sweets. Everyone's knackered at this point. And we're driving through, I'm pretty sure it was Warrington.

Just like a random town. Warrington? Warrington. And we're going through there. And when we stopped on like the main sort of high street, there was little nightclubs and there's people going out at like half nine, 10, were stopped there on this one-way high street or whatever it was and the driver sticks the pao for the first time like he never spoke to us whole time and he

and he just like everyone's like half asleep and from the bottom deck all he heard was all right lads look out the left side of the the bus lads what do you think of that and everyone's like what is it and we looked out and there was a load of girls in miniskirts in a queue to get into a nightclub and he goes you love that lads this guy's about 50 and everyone's like we're like fucking right with you everyone's like yeah and like banging the thing he's like go on lads have a look at that and everyone's like yeah and then and he was loving it and everyone's popping off and we're on the top deck of this bus and he stopped at a red light and he's like got the boys on side and then all of a sudden someone from a couple rows behind me gets caught up and goes suck my dick man and they just like blurted it out just like getting all

excited now because there were girls in miniskirts and we're doing all boys feel and the guy went to move off at the light stopped the handbrake went I remember the handbrake went on and the bus like went up in the air and this guy runs up the stairs. Big, bald, middle-aged, Scottish bus driver and he said the word dick. He came up the stairs and went,

suck my dick. Suck my dick. And see the more, and everyone's like, everyone's shit themselves and just looking straight forward. But the more he said it, the higher pitch he got and everyone's like everyone's shit themselves and just looking straight forward but the more he said it the higher pitch he got

and he's making eye contact with everyone I've never really heard that accent before and he was literally like shuck my dick and he's like making eye contact

with everyone and everyone just shit themselves and he left to the side shuck my dick he went that's what I thought lads

he goes who wants to say it to me fucking face and everyone He said, suck my dick. He went, that's what I thought, lads. He goes, who wants to say it to me, fucking face? And everyone, no, nobody, nobody. Suck my dick. He walks back down the steps, leaves in about a minute. Like, cars stop behind us in this one-way street. He starts the bus again, gets his moving.

And the same guy went, suck my dick. And I think when we got off at the service station like the next morning he just had this one vein going the whole way down the story

but joke was on us because at the next service station we had to suck his dick yeah how pervy is that you like that lads

yeah I wasn't even meant to come to Waddington but I knew these would be queuing have a good look oh my god I used to have a driving instructor like that

and he'd pick me up who said suck my dick he'd pick me up from college and he'd always take me past a secondary school as it was pulling out and he'd go slow it down slow it down slow it down and you're like

I mean in terms of road safety it's a good shout Brennan you have a game for us can you well who knows this could work

because I usually whenever I come because I when i've been on in the past i've dressed as you yeah i dressed as adam you've dressed as me dressed as you and then patrons message me and they go who you're gonna do next do we shan and you're like no they're always like do we should do cane you're like no So I thought we'll move that to one side. So I've made a game. Oh my God.

Is it Finn? It's what? You're not dressed as Finn. Eh. That'd be quite racist. No, I did. I brought a sheep. Oh yeah, cool.

Do you remember that? What's it called? It's called truth or hair. Oh God. This could be rotten. But do you remember when we did the first ever live show? Yeah. Wax my ass. I love the boring stuff for this.

Makes me so happy. Oh, he's got... Oh my God. He's done the work. So there's some waxing strips. Oh, wow. And then there's options of a question or a body part to wax. I think I might be a millionaire with this idea, you know.

If all these patrons start buying true hair at Christmas. Truth or Nair. Truth or Nair. That's good. But copyright issues I had on the way here when I was coming up with a game. Just did a nervous Trump. Go on. So what we're going to do,

I guess we'll go around and you either get to... I don't know what's the... You don't look hairy, Shane. What do you reckon is best? Do we go... You do look smooth. I've got to say

there's much body hair as the next young girl. How do you like that? I do have a bit. All right. I mean, some of the places are normal some of them get intimate you don't get to pick the place you don't get to pick the place

you get to pick the card alright ready play on what do we think do we know the question first or no I think that's maybe the best way to pick a card with a question Jesus Christ where's the the best way to pick a card with a question. Okay. Jesus Christ.

Okay. And then who's going first? I'll go first. Where's the body parts likely to be? I mean, it's not eyebrows. It's not head. Of course. No beard.

All right. All right. All right. All right. Who do you want to go first? You're the games master. I mean, I think I want to find out how hairy Shane is. Shane has got,

and I've seen it, a normal amount... So do you want me to pick a card? Of hair. Or do you want to pick a card? Let me just make sure. You pick. You pick.

I've even written T on the back for truth and H on the back for hair. It's all very good. Why would I say you could do this? Why did you think it was... What did you think I was going to bring in? Like Ludo something that isn't right go on bollocks right okay i'll pick

one oh the effort that brendan makes is just so exceptional and this isn't a car i don't know if you saw we did a our very first live show right we really hadn't thought like how do you like close this out properly and brendan was like'm going to wax my own arsehole and my god that picture of that waxing strip coming off as confetti cannons

went off no they did it alright because I was going to say there's a theme here and then the next year I got a tattoo on my bottom during the pod

yeah I let these decide on and it it was about to be something horrific then we got the boy band Five to sing with us. So we've kind of evolved. Peaked. I'd say peaked.

No, not yet. Oh, you got an idea for... Oh, no. Okay. You're going to wax the boy band Five. I forget I've got R.I.P. Runty on my bottom so often. I just look like a ham that's been...

Shot a dead pig's tattoo on his arse that he killed when he worked on a farm as a child. What? Killed it with a spade and buried it into a big pile of shite and drowned it yeah it was an assisted suicide

if anything right RIP Ronty this is quite a basic one so I've picked the questions aren't too bad so who's the question for Shane

this is for Shane let's go so it's just basic simple one how many people have you slept with so you can either answer that and we'll talk about that I said I'd go first.

That's a fucking easy one. It's whether you want your wife to know the actual... Hair. Oh! There we go. Okay. I feel his game is already popping up.

Okay. Well done, Shane. Shane knows how to podcast. So... It's one. It's one. And it's not my wife. wife Okay we'll go for this one Pretty basic start off with

It's just a leg Do we do top half bottom half It's going to be thigh I think That's the best place to go How do you feel about wearing shorts Are you a shorts wearer Alright okay yeah Alright quickly Go on Shane Oh my god How do you feel about wearing shorts? Are you a shorts wearer? Yeah. All right, okay, yeah. Go, thigh.

All right, quickly. Go on, go on, Shane, go on. Oh, my God. Hi, Matthew. Matthew's just walked into Shane Todd being waxed. Ready? Okay, get it on. Right, Brennan's putting on the...

Oh, mate. Oh, the pad's bigger than I thought. Oh, that is a big pad. Oh, no. Oh. Oh, mate. Oh, the pad's bigger than I thought. Oh, that is a big pad. Oh, no. I hate this. It's going to hurt like a bitch. He's stuck it to his leg. Ah, let's get it in.

He's heating it up. Ready, ready, ready. How long does it stay on for, Brendan? He's got it on his thigh now. Three, two, one. Wax. Oh. There's still a lot of wax there.

That was sound. Get that off because that's going to look weird. What have you been doing? Oh. Oh. Show it to the camera. That's more hair than you thought. Oh.

Well done, Shay. Good work. All right, go on. Who wants to go next? Hit me. Good old Dan wants to go next. Yeah, go on. All right.

Oh, God. This is going to end up with Finn getting his bollocks fucking wax it's going to be amazing finn get those fucking balls out you little welsh they're not all sex by the way weirdest sexual experience i feel like i'm like i'm gonna play spin the bottle in a minute my weirdest sexual experience true for hair uh it was listening to you suck your own dick that was that story um do you know, before you go into... Do you know, I don't know whether you'll appreciate me saying this,

I've heard Dan have sex once. What? What? I have. You've heard Dan have sex? Do you know this, no? What? When?

I was probably about two, three years into comedy. Where did I live? You were living over the road from the Frog and Bucket. Yeah. And then we all went out to the Black Dog Fort. Look at you panicking. This was weird. Luckily, you can get rid of this.

No, I'm not getting rid of shit. I already know this isn't going anywhere. I hope this is my weirdest experience. And then I'm like, I've done it. There it there is it was my weirdest sexual experience i'm sleeping we all we all go out and then we we and me you i don't know why i live 20 minutes from town me you and this this randomer yeah who was from like somewhere like aberdeen what no right i'd come back to yours yeah and then i slept on the sofa yeah and i fell asleep Yeah. Who was from like, somewhere like Aberdeen. What? No. Right. I'd come back to yours.

Yeah. And then I slept on the sofa. Yeah. And I fell asleep and then I woke up in the middle of the night and I thought you had a housemate because you were doing

a different voice. It was so great. It was sort of a bit like you were MC in the Shag. You were like, oh yeah. No! No! No! No!

No! No! Oh, baby. No! What, with a girl from Aberdeen? From Aberdeen. And she's like, oh my God. And then...

So I was trying to will myself back to sleep. So he's trying to will me. And then I woke up in the morning. Were you in the living room? I was in the living room. Oh, oh, it's the flat I had with Andy where there's just like a divider. Yeah, it was close.

It was close to where I was. And then in the morning, in the morning I woke up and you can see from the couch, you can kind of see the front door. Yeah. And I see like,, yeah. Thank you And then she goes

No So when do you think we're gonna see see each other again? And you went never shut the door. I literally went. You got to Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You got to go, baby. Oh. Oh. Tell me about those Highland Kettle.

No, I would never have said never. Like, the weird talking, I sort of like, I'm cringing, but I could actually imagine me like, yeah. That I almost... There'll be a shack, then a break, then a shack, then a break. Who's coming? Is this thing on? Take your glasses back to the bar. I can't shut the door and say never

I'm too much of a wimp for that oh my god you absolute rat my weirdest experience is that girl from Aberdeen I've got some weird ones but I'm going hair you're going hair because when you've just had that story there's no option for head is there yeah You're going hair. Yeah, I'm going hair. Woo! Woo! Good man. Because when you've just had that story-

There's no option for head, is there? No. Good. No. Yeah. Yeah, shit. Wicked. All right.

Let's do it. Let's go for this. Oh no. Quite another- just an average one. Just an arm. What is it? Just an arm. I'd hate that.

I'd hate that. Yeah. Yeah. Looks weird. You got hairy arms. No, but you wear t-shirts, like it looks weird. Yeah. Lower or upper arm, what are we saying? Do whatever. Oh no. Go on Shane, I'll let you do this one.

We look like bouncers in the library in these black t-shirts. All right, okay, so what's the trick to this? So just peel it off. Oh dear. You're getting it done on your forearm, yeah? Oh. Right, peel it, yeah.

Do it here. Peel it, stick it on, flatten it down, and then yank it the way that the hair goes, I think. Just do armpit. Is there two here? Right. Is Wallace all right? You've no hair there.

It's enough. Go on. Wherever you want, Shane. Shane's put loads of wax on the table. I's enough. Go on. Right. Whatever you want, Shane. Shane's put loads of wax on the table. I'm not gonna do that to you. Sticking it down. I'm doing this on here because there's no hair. Right.

Ready? You're coming in, good work, Finn. Yeah, you're stuck down. Feels nothing. Top of the arm. I feel nothing. Three, two. Ah.

Oh. That's not a rash. Oh, tender. Well, that's my skin annoyed. Come on then. Right. You fucking rat, Brennan. You fucking rat. Do you know what?

In fairness, if anyone heard any of us having sex, it would be, if someone watched me having sex, it'd be dreadful. You, whenever you even have the sex i've never had german i used to just pretend i've never seen sex you're like i've never seen a vagina i was like you've seen two at the same time you shagger right truth a secret you've never told anyone is this car ever this is carl oh my my fucking arm. Oh, God, he's gone. Look how red it's gone.

My skin is pathetic. What's the hair? Well, you'll just have to say hair. And then we do the hair. He's so hairy as well. I haven't got a secret. I guess it's hair then, isn't it? Yes.

Testicles. Some of the ones that are on there, we've got gooch. What? No. Anus hole. None of them things are happening. Chest.

Yeah. Balls. Yeah. And pubes. They're not the same place. I'm not doing that. They're not. They're different places.

Pubes. Chest. Pubes. Are you going to fucking wax my gooch? I don't want to do it, but I will. No, I'm not wax that they're not they're different places pubes yes pubes how are you gonna fucking wax my gooch I don't wanna do it but I will no I'm not waxing my gooch

he's got so sinister they start off as a laugh he got how many girls have you slept with and then leg who is your biggest hero in comedy

we're gonna do big toe Carl have you ever murdered an animal what is it armpit okay oh oh he's up for it Carl, have you ever murdered an animal? Armpit. Okay.

Oh. Oh, he's up for it. You may as well get pulled by. Carl's going for the armpit, ladies and gents. May as well get pulled by. Okay, quickly, quickly. Quickly, what's the smell like? Oh, we've got that Miami heat going.

It's like an old boot bag. Go on, have a little sit down there, Carl. Well done for doing this, Carl, because you're right pussy about most things. Big, strong boy. Oh, fucking, that sit down there, Carl. Well done for doing this, Carl, because you're right pussy about most things. Big, strong boy. Oh, that's going to be awful. Oh, God.

For everyone listening. It's going to be awful. Oh, no. Carl has... He's got a... That's a man's armpit, kid. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can plait that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Roll up the sleeve. Let's get the damage in. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, he's got toothache, and now he's going to have armp damager. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, he's got toothache. And now he's going to have armpit ache. Oh, Brennan applies it. Look how evil Brennan is.

He loves this sort of stuff. Oh, get the mic. Someone get the mic right under him. Get the mic right under. Oh, this is beautiful. Three. Hang on. Let it get on.

Let it get purchased. Oh, no. What are you laughing at? You know what's left. I know. Three, two, one. Whack! Oh! That did not tickle.

Oh, my God. It's so much hair. Oh, well done, Carl. There's lots of wax done Carl You're fucking Oh my god Well done Hey we're all heroes here Aren't we Carl?

So you and Finn And then that's the last two rounds? I guess yeah Yeah Right It's time to tell some truths Is it? Yeah

Oh Finn's truths are weird though Time to tell some truths Oh it'll be literally like he got abducted when he was seven right yeah but it happened all the time in real

there's wax left on it right so okay so suck me dick do you reckon

Waddingtons would buy this game off me yeah oh shit yeah oh what give him an hard one come on he's a headliner he knows how to close out a gig Yeah. Oh shit. Yeah. Oh wow. Yeah. Give him an hard one.

Come on. He's a headliner. He knows how to close out a gig. All right. What is your biggest kink? Oh. Let's be honest. Getting waxed, you can't win.

Okay. Oh. Oh. Do I say it? Yeah Yeah Come on Come on Finn

Do I say it Or do I do the hat? No no You say it You say it Come on As soon as you say Do I say it

I quite Oh Come on No because I know Some of my family Have started listening recently Tell them to not watch They'll know what to do

Yeah They've got kinks. Hang on. If you're Finn's friends or family, you don't want to watch this, turn off now. Yeah, for the next bit. But if you're Finn's friends

or family that do want to, that's why I'll turn on now. I quite... It's not even that bad. It's not too weird, I don't think. I quite like some spit in my mouth.

No? Oh, no. But not from someone in my mouth. No? No. But not from someone you're having sex with? No. Just remember that, patrons. If you see Finn in Morrisons, he's thinking like, oh, God, how many?

That's not a mad one. No. Bit of spit. That's not a mad one. It went way too quiet. How did you discover that that was your thing? On a one night stand. Someone just went...

Someone just spat in my mouth. They don't hock it all, unless they're from Aberdeen, and then that's why you don't want to see them again. Brennan, can we turn one on you? Of course you can. Can you pass the cards over here then, please? Pick it. He picked mine. I'm picking it.

Hang on, hang on. Come on, come on, come on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So. There's so much wax. Shane, pick out. I think Brennan just want this as an elaborate way for Brennan to get waxed.

It's gonna be full body. Okay. The truth is. You want me to ask? Yeah. Brennan. Yeah. What's the most disgusting thing you've ever done?

I wonder. I've already told you. I guess it said, I guess I'll do hair. Oh, really? Yes. Oh, eyebrow. It's the eyebrows. Oh, eyebrows. I've got two good eyebrows.

And I've got Shane here to prove it. Oh, my God. Oh, it's not eyebrow. It's goot. Oh, my God. This was worth the 6 a.mam flight and going easy, Jen. Oh my God. Do it behind the couch.

Oh my God. Pull the couch out. No. Jesus Christ. Don't get in shot. Brennan, you're going to have to go all fours. Oh yeah, do whatever you want. We'll play at it. Like, I think this would be more embarrassing if he do whatever you want, we'll play at it. There we go. Like, I think this would be more embarrassing if he didn't love it.

He loves it, like he loves it. I feel so alive. This is what Brennan wanted. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh, what has this become? Really pat it on, like make sure you get it on there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Aww, my bro. Aww. Oh, okay. Dan's placing it with his right hand. Oh, he's slapped. He's bent over the couch. Dan's really, really applying it. I'm just getting it.

Oh, okay. Giving his ass a big slap. Dan seems to have gone more for the anus than the gooch I would say. I'm not fully reaching round. Right, okay. Welcome to the end of half a word. Hold on Dan, should you get another one in

till you get the gooch through? Get the other one in till you get the gooch through. I can feel warmth coming off it. Three. Three, two, one. Oh! Oh, that's so hairy! Oh my sweet Jesus.

What the fuck? Oh my Lord. Oh my God. What a great game Brennan okay well done do you know how much wax is still in my armpit oh no

I need to wash my hands oh my god it's times like this when I wish I dressed as Ishan so I am washing these hands real quick. So Brendan, you're on tour. Tour's nearly done. Oh shit.

I didn't press record. I'm so sorry guys. I shit myself. Yeah, I've got two more dates and then I'm going over to Australia. But I'm doing London. Why am I trying to be serious about this? Very serious show.

I'm doing London on March the 16th at 21. So I'm doing the Frogger Bucket in Manchester on April the 16th. Go and see Brennan. He's got no hairs on his gooch. Check by the time the show's coming on, it might be back. Yeah, it might be at the prickly phase. How's it feeling right now? Sticky. no hairs on his gooch. Check if by the time the show's come around, it might be back.

Yeah, it might be at the prickly phase. How's it feeling right now? Sticky. Sticky. Sticky. Sticky. Oh, it fell off. No.

Matthew's just come back after being ill for two weeks to this. Well, Brennan, it's always fire when you turn up. Thanks for having us thanks for the story about your dick and Aberdeen that was good

Shane really appreciate you coming in man thanks for having me what a fucking ledge genuinely appreciate that and I hope you've enjoyed today Rowey Bags is back

next week we've got some beer oh he's alive again is he oh imagine the hair that would come off his gooch.

No. He bicks his bumhole, though. Does he? Yeah. Is he a bumhole bicker? Yeah. It's a type of yoga, isn't it? It's always warm down there.

Have a word live. We are coming to Dublin Newcastle Birmingham and Glasgow tickets still available there are literally like a handful of tickets left

for the Hackney Empire on April 7th yeah and Dublin come on Dublin and if you want to come see my comedy club in Chester

the Comedians Club Chester the next date is March the 11th and we've got Mark Nelson closing it's Comedians Club Chester. The next date is March the 11th. And we've got Mark Nelson closing. It's comediansclubchester.com. Boys, that was epic. Good fun.

Thanks so much. Check out Shane's amazing podcast, Tea With Me. Cheers. And sign up to the Patreon if you've not already. I can't touch anything because I have Brennan Gooch about my fingers. What are your socials, Shane? Oh, just Shane Todd. Shane Todd across the board?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool. It's different for every... But they'll find it if they say Shane Todd. And we've got a tune just for the audio. I mean, the YouTubers have just watched that. The audio for the last 20 minutes must have felt like a fucking random,

random bit of podcasting. But the little treat at the end for the audio listeners is... It's not just the audio this week. Oh, it's... It's not just the audio this week. It's our little Finlay Kay. Yeah. Can't wait to support you, mate.

So the audio listeners will just get my new single, Take a Ride, and then the YouTube, Carl, stick it in, is going to be a live session. Carl didn't enjoy this. Stick that in. Actually, you can stick it in.

It's a live session we did from in here. It was lovely. Yeah, so please go and stream it. Add it to your playlists. Text radio stations. Ask about it. And then there's... Take a ride.

We've said this. It's actually good. Featuring the Blue Dolphin Wranglers. God, you can't keep saying that. No, but it is actually good. No, it's all the ones. No, but it's not like when your friends hear a song, you're like,

yeah, we're going... This is actually good. You know what I mean? It is really good. This is a mean it is really good this is a good i sing this so it's actually a good song but yeah please stream it add it to your playlist it's out now everywhere if you go on my socials you won't miss it is that the waxing thing or do you like wash with toilet dope it's really fresh thank you you. Go and stream it. We love our Finlay. All right, lads.

Hope you've enjoyed this one. See you soon. Bye, Felicia. Take a ride. There's an ocean between the waves. Get a grip inside. This is what it's all about. Take a ride.

We'll be up in the clouds Getting way too high Baby, baby, baby I don't sleep I never fall I Don't miss baby I want it all Take a ride There's a notion between the waist

Get a grip inside This is what it's all about Take a ride We'll be right back. I know the days are short But the nights are long I got a feeling I'm coming on too strong. I like the way it was that me romanticize. Don't think we've got much time. So baby, take a ride.

Take a ride. Take a ride. Take a ride There's an ocean between the waves Get a grip inside This is what it's all about Take a ride We'll be up in the clouds Getting way too high Baby, baby, baby