Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #218 with Still Ryan - Have A Word w/Adam & Dan

Episode Date: April 2, 2023

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How are we lads? How's it going? Welcome to this week's episode of Have A Word The Podcast and if you want to see this thing live, we are doing our first ever live podcast shows outside of Liverpool this year. We're coming to Newcastle, Glasgow, Birmingham and Dublin. They're on sale now at haveawordlive.com. On top of that, if you want to see me and Dan do some stand-up, our stand-up tours are on sale right now. You can get Dan's tickets from dannightingale.com. Shows are starting to sell out. And I've got my shows on sale at adamrow.co.uk. I'm going all over the UK, all over Ireland, and there's now some Europe dates added. Shows are going to start selling out very, very soon.

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Dan, what are we sort of giving these people if they sign up? Well, there's a reason we're the biggest patron in the UK and one of the biggest in the world. Every Wednesday, we do a patron exclusive where it's me, Adam, Carl, and the lads. It's an hour and a half of absolutely unfiltered Have A Word bullshit. You also get early access to this public episode.

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It's going to be good. It's a belter. Wag Wag Leeds, you're listening to the funniest podcast in the game with Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn. This is the one and only Have A Word. Brought to you by Manscaped.com. The very best in below-the-belt men's grooming. Go, Ed. Get on me.

I had three hours sleep and three coffees, and, yeah, this might be a mellow one from me. I don't know. Maybe that kicks in. Maybe the fatigue. I think I might get that sort of... You know, like when you're dying and your life flashes before your eyes. Well, I'm so tired that I feel like it's going to jolt me

into a bit of... It's better to be too tired than just a bit tired, I think, sometimes. I think you can get so tired that you get giddy. Yeah, I think I can. We had a youth club sleepover when we were all about 15. Oh, thank God. No, I shouldn't have paused there, should I? We had a youth club, and I should have just said street...

No, when I was 15, straight away into 15. Sorry, I'm going to denounce that. When I was 15 years old, a minor... Sorry, I'm going to denounce that. When I was 15 years old, a minor. Oh no, I've nonced it. We had a youth club sleepover. How old was everyone else? 11, 11 and under. Just say of age.

I had AIDS. What? Oh, age. I was 15. I was 15 and we had a youth club. Everyone had AIDS. And it was a weird get together, that. I'll start again. I'm going to try had a youth club. Everyone had AIDS. And it was a weird get-together, that. I'll start again.

I'm going to try and get this right. I mean, to be fair to you, if there was a load of 15, your dogs impressed them with AIDS, you would form a club. Would? They did. And I tell you what,

I didn't go to their sleepovers. Just couldn't get the permission slip. Who's it for? Mum said I can't get blood on me. Are you sharing needles? I've got a question for you. Hang on. Hang on.

Hang on. I lost my virginity that youth club sleepover. Did you? No. Oh my. I tried to. But Father Johnson was not playing games. Where were you sleeping over?

In your house? In the village hall, St. Mary's Church Hall. At 15? They had a sleepover. No one slept. We were all 15. And we got to like three or four in the morning without booze. So much fun.

When you're just absolutely fucking wired. Everyone's blitzed the tuck shop we were we were fucking sure but dib-dabbed out of our mind it was basically my first ever afters it was fucking great and and genuinely was so tired and they sleep though in there no one slept the fucking goons that were like no come on it's time to sleep and had the little sleeping bag ah fuck off. Do you think we're going to respect the quiet of that bit of the fucking Churchill?

We're just mental. It was the, I was so tired. I was delirious. And it was great fun. Do you remember when you were a kid and you'd just do an all-nighter? Like for no reason,

just, hey lad, let's do a nighter. Should we stay up until nine o'clock tomorrow morning? Why? Because we could. What? Hang on.

Did you do that? That was the only night I ever did an all nighter. I did an all nighter at least once a week. Do you want to do a nighter, lad? And as you made to come now, you stay up all night. And you'd both be exhausted. Even though it was an option? You'd ruin a week.

I didn't know it was an option. Yeah, a nighter. It was invented in the 80s, actually, so you might have missed it. I feel like Finn does that now. All nighters? Yeah, I'm up to like half three, four most nights. It's called a nighter. A a night as you don't go to sleep

i haven't said that remember when tom stayed i used to go on a road trip and break into a school and sleep in a nursery i was working behind the bar and blowing hey carl i won't do the accent that was a general call for a drink and i was like tom say just ask me out for a drink yes he went cool um i've got nowhere to stay so we'll just break into a nursery and stay there and I went no Tom do you know I remember you when you were like 20

because I obviously both met you when you were like I met you when you were 19 20 18 I think probably 18 when was the

I must have met you at the Frog but the one that sticks in my head is the open spot of the laughing I was probably 19 when was that 2011

you nearly got an encore But the one that sticks in my head is the open spot of the laughing. I was probably 90. When was that? 2011. You nearly got an encore during the 10 minutes. And I was like, this kid's fucking good. And I don't think a lot of compares would have been, would have maybe like, would have been like, all right, yeah, he's good. But I was like, I don't give a fuck. This kid's good. Because that was a Thursday night of the laughing.

But I must have met you about the same time at Baby Blue you were working and I was there every couple of months I feel like I was there yeah you were the goat then I mean you are now but back then

you were like Dan Nightingale you were the name now I'm Dan Nightingale no but I mean now I've got your number and we see each other the whole time

now we're mates now we're business partners back then it was like oh shit Dan's in like can you imagine if like in 2012 when you're on the part of blue if he'd been on stage and i was just whispering you know one day you're gonna own 20 of a multi-million pound business i'll tell you what he's not asking you to break in nurseries i just wanted to go out the one night the one The one night. It was great when you came out. The one night we went out. We went to that little tequila place.

Yeah. You can get 14 people in there and we were 11 of them. Yeah, it was great. Where did Tom Stade think that was going? Don't worry, Kyle. Fuck, I know this area. I know where all the good fucking

early years fucking nurseries are. Let's fucking go get wasted, man. It's like the ass. It's my go and get wasted man. It's like Dan's song by a band. It's my Tom Stade. That was better. If I say his name it was better. That's a shit impression. What about this? Tom Stade.

Comedians should start their set with their name like that. Dan, I and Gail. The question I was going to ask you before, right, if the 100 most to ask you before right if the 100 most if you're a single the 100 most beautiful women

within a room right yeah and someone wants to see that Cat Dealey Amanda Holden

oh yeah Doja Flaps Doja Flaps Maya Jammers Doja Flaps Doja Cat I don't know I'm just saying

names of people I think that you think are fit no the in your mind, the 100 most beautiful women that have ever existed and they're all in the prime.

They're on my Instagram. They're on my Instagram. Rita Hayworth, Joan Rivers, other old people. Oh, you mean young sluts? So they're all in the prime as beautiful

and someone's like, right, Dan, we've put 100 of them in this house. There's no men in there and they all want to the prime. As beautiful. And someone's like, right, Dan, we've put a hundred of them in this house. There's no men in there and they all want to fuck you. Whoa. Right? Whoa.

There's only two things. First of all, you can't use a condom. And one of them. Right. Can I just say, before you said that, that wasn't on my mind.

Listen, I'm not, not, not, not, not, not. Because one of them's got AIDS. Do you fuck. Right. A couple of questions. A couple of questions. How big is this house?

Where are they all? It's not a three bedroom semi. In my head it is. With 20 birds in each room. You're going to have a semi in a three bed, mate. Eh? This guy. Are they all able to start talking to each other

because I'd imagine they're all fucking bitching and arguing oh right yeah them slags in the living room they're all in pods pods it's like the matrix they're all like lesing each other up that makes it easier

at least two of them are going to come Dan Dan Dan, Dan. Oh, it's a fucking... And then someone goes, Fuck us, Dan! And they all start laughing. Right, just ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies, pipe down!

This is a one-at-a-time situation. I'm not going to appreciate a crowd. I don't want 99 fit women watching me not satisfy one woman. No, but it turns them on. You're not satisfying them. It's like, I'm next, I'll do it. Right, right, right, right. How long have i got the house for is this like an airbnb because i'm telling you right now if we've only got it for one night i'm not even getting to the

fourth i'd take that if it's i'm really not i'm like right first one maybe two and then we're going nando's do you think you can only get through two? really? that's about six months innit what? six months innit? no if you had them for six months you'd enjoy it are they

you know touching all the boobs once there's a hundred people yeah I think just the visual of most of them just adds to all seriousness Adam to answer your question there's been such

thank you there's been such uh thank you uh there's been such advances with uh the medication for hrv you'll be dead tomorrow oh it's old school oh it's old school fast moving aids one day oh it's that awful aids genetically modified built in a lab aids oh it's okay good wuhan aids yeah right yeah well that's higher risk in it Oh, okay, good. Wuhan AIDS. Yeah. Right, yeah. Well, that's higher risk, isn't it? Yeah, it is, yeah. I don't think we should call it... You're trying to make it a hard question, though.

I'm going to move the goalposts until you struggle. I don't think we should call it AIDS. I think we should call it, you know... Wu-Tang Clan. Kill a... You know, kill a gonorrhea. It hits hard. Is she in there?

Yeah. She sounds Brazilian. She does. I thought, yeah, I'd probably... I'm going to take a hard pass Is she in there? Yeah. She sounds Brazilian. She does. I thought, yeah. I'd probably... I'm going to take a hard pass. But... Would you?

No. What if I get... What if it's a thing that I get and then I die the next day? On a chance of one in a hundred. But you see, that's the great thing about being 42. You're telling me you can only fuck two of them?

No, I am 42. Sorry. There's only a 2% chance you get AIDS. Four, if I've had some shrooms sorry chocolate dinosaurs yeah

that wasn't a weird form of racism it was you know it wasn't until you said it yeah I give it a go fuck it it's gonna be how many would you attempt to Former racism. It was, you know. It wasn't until you said it. Yeah, I'll give it a go. Fuck it.

It's going to be a rough. How many would you attempt to intercourse with? Yeah, that famous Turner phrase. I mean, I did. To the gangbang, how many women are you planning to attempt to intercourse with? Attempt to intercourse? I'm telling you.

I'm backing myself to go to at least 27. Yeah. Mate, that is one an hour with a busy lunch break. I'm not you I'm backing myself to go to at least 27 yeah mate that is one an hour with a busy lunch break I'm not having it that's like one in

what three and a half or something you get AIDS though never mind he's not what a way to go out though yeah yeah it would be

imagine waking up and you haven't also I think that would be the peak of my life so I'd actually want to catch it and die the next day

no one is no one is luck with betting. He's never getting killer fucking gonorrhea, is he? He's probably going to bang one. Put a bet on. Oh, no. No, we lost last. Unless they're South African, then he's fucked.

Not the women, the bets. We need to slow down. Clear that up. Do you remember? We made a bet, and it was on a South African football team. That wasn't a reference to the other killer gonorrhea, Finn. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, Jason, when's the next race? How's your career? South Africa. Here we are. The next race is not so half one. Oh, yeah, it is. Right.

Adam's going to put a bet on and going to pay his next fucking year of council tax. She's probably not paid. Right, council tax. She's propping up it. Right, go on. He's just so lucky. He wouldn't get it. He'd bang 27 and be absolutely fine. I reckon most people would be, you know, the lot of averages.

It's just odds, isn't it? Yeah. It's made a lot better if you can only manage four in a day. So I've just put a bet on a horse called Zoom Bomber. Zoom Bomber. Is there attempted intercourse on there? It races now

in South Africa so we'll see. Stop betting. That makes sense. You with South Africans it doesn't go well. No he's he's going to be fine.

You know why? Because we've not a bit involved. That's what fucked the bet. Oh yeah. Oh lad we're going to do this 50-50 bet and if you do it

15 times 14 times 50-50 you win every one you go from like 140 quid to a million pounds we lost the first fucking bet

you know why because I had a stake in it that's why my 20 quid up the fucking wazoo under 23 Congolese

football team no it's not they'd have won South Africa under 23s would have fucking humped the Congo if he was just betting on his own. He'd have already got the million by now. Lads, I just don't do it with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fucking Zoom embargo. Attempted intercourse. Do you think you've got bad luck, Dan? No, but I'm terrible with betting. That's what I'm saying in life. I think I'm just in life. Yeah, a lot of people live their life life. I think I'm just in life. Yeah.

A lot of people live their life like, oh, I don't get nothing on me. But I think that causes them to get nothing because they've got that mindset. Or they get some stuff, ignore that, and focus on the negative. That's what I mean, yeah. Everyone's had breaks along the way. I believe in manifestation.

Yeah. I have had this thought. If your mum dies at 16, I reckon you are due a bit of good luck i mean i've had a bit of a fucking kicker there early doors i feel like everything else has been pretty fucking good since so maybe and i don't believe in all this stuff but if you do believe in it you could say you've had a fucking shitty hand there in your teenage years and then everything since i've been pretty chuffed with yeah i do i believe in manifestation as well what's taught

me through manifestation is where you basically you bring about into your life whatever you think about whether it's consciously or subconsciously and your subconscious is a lot more powerful than your conscious that's what people believe i can be i'm very positive in the situation if something it's already happened i for my own mental health will spin Like, cool, you put a bid in for a house, you're looking for a house. This one falls away. Right, cool. Maybe it wasn't meant to be.

Maybe you're going to get a better house. Just focus on the positive. Actually, that had a smaller garden anyway and like maybe it was a bit overpriced. I do that with virtually everything. If something doesn't work out, find a reason why it's not the fucking end of the world. See an opportunity rather than go,

no, I can't be doing with that. That that's just that does me no good to go oh that would have been so good oh i do it with everything say i'm like say i leave the house late because something's happened oh they crashed the car or they left it anyway well yeah that's a good way to excuse being late for the meeting isn't it are you mate Nice to be here, boss. Yeah. What? Late? I know, lad, but if I'd have left on time, I'd be dead. We'll both be dead. Nobody ever tell yourself them things, like little things like that.

It does help you get through the day. And I think there's some stuff I don't want to know. Like, I remember doing the EuroMillions and a couple of weeks later, there was like, oh, there was a missing ticket. And I was like,

where the fuck did I put that EuroMillions ticket? And in my head, I was like, I'm not going to try and find it. Like, I just couldn't. I didn't look loads. I was like, where the fuck did I put that EuroMillions ticket? And in my head, I was like, I'm not going to try and find it. Like, I just couldn't. I didn't look loads. I was like, I'd rather not know that I didn't fucking lose that ticket.

So I didn't even investigate. Like, I could have won that EuroMillions. But in my head, I was like, I don't know if I could come back from that one. Oh, yeah, 167 million, but nobody washed the ticket in his jeans and then fucking binned it because he thought it was a tissue. I would rather not know I'd lost 167 million. You do know that on the EuroMillions, if you've got the winning ticket and youned it because he thought it was a tissue. I would rather not know I'd lost £167 million. You do know that on the EuroMillions, if you've got the winning ticket and you wash it or lose it,

you do still win it. You'd have to prove you bought it in the shop. They checked the CCTV of the time in the shop that you bought it. Yeah, it turns out, I think it was like, the ticket was bought in Scarborough. And it wasn't you? No. Did you see the one who put the the euro millions on on the phone app

so you do it on the app now it's two pounds is it two pounds now yeah not a pound oh and the fucking so they put i think it's two pound fifty now is it i think so cost a living they put it on let them put it on the one and the only has 180 in the account and if someone let them put the bet on if they're not the best the lottery lottery, they won and the lottery went, no, you didn't have sufficient funds to put the lottery on. Oh, Camelot, you bunch of cunts. You should have had the percentage, 180 of 250.

What is that? That's about 70, 80% in it. You should have gone, look, you can have 80%. Should have took 70p off the winnings. That would have been dead sound. That would have been really sound. 70p actually, lad.

Just going to take that well the frustration is a thing no our guest today Ryan said he was in here two weeks ago watching the UFC with me

and he'll talk about this himself obviously but he's got a board in his room with things he wants to have a vision board I'm thinking of getting one of these

and he has the next podcast I will do and it said have a web podcast and this is I didn't know about that as well when I asked him to do it which is it is mad he went I'll do this lads I will do. And it said, have a web podcast. And this is, I didn't know about that as well. When I asked him to do it,

which is, it is mad. He went, I'll do this, I'll do that. And he lives his life that way. And I think there's nothing wrong with living your life that way, because you put out positive energy and you'd only attract them positive things.

Right. So you get a vision board, but a small one, you only have five things on there. What are your five vision board items? Billions, pussy, booze,

food, holidays. On your vision board, Food? A man who is drinking less, he's having a break from boozing,

on your vision board is booze. And then the, Take the food off, make a health, so I can have health and booze at the same time. Right, right, right.

Fuck the system, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mine is air, a, yeah, yeah. Yeah, mine is air. A planet to live on. I want to just get some solid ones in there. So mine is more vision boards. No nuclear attacks that land on my head. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's good. Tappings there. What's yours then? If you had to, number one, you want this to happen in the next, let's say, year. I want to pay my mortgage off. I want to be able to wheelie a motorbike.

Two very different answers there. I want to pay my mortgage off. No, but I want to wheelie a motorbike into the bank to pay the mortgage off. Just so he'd let you have a bunch of rich after me. Right, so fucking hell. Who's this coming into Santander? Still with Santander with billions

he's not sleeping on a bike he's just been doing that I want to in fact I want to get a backie

off him doing a wheelie to pay pay my mortgage off we say takey a takey yeah you gotta

be careful saying gives a backie lot A takey? Yeah, you gotta be careful saying, here's a backy lad. If you get on the back of someone's bike. We say takey. Takey. Because I'm taking you.

Right. You're not going to get me back. We get it. It makes sense. Yeah, it does make sense. Can I get a ruling from Will? Backy, takey? Backy?

Seaty. A seaty? Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Order! Order! backy seaty a seaty whoa whoa order order and he's Welsh it's pronounced it's pronounced I'm not having it

he's making it up look at his stupid face there is no way that you call it a seaty yeah when someone's on like the the seat

things at the back that's what the seat oh no can I get a squeezy behind me no but that's cause you're kind of standing above the seat. That'll be a standy then. I don't know.

It's just called a seatie. Yeah, you made that up. Right, okay. Pay your mortgage off. I get it. Okay. Mortgage. Is that, but it has to be kind of not viable.

Not viable, but like, not something that you're on course for anyway. No, that's not true. You're not reffing? No. Like, Brian, on his vision board was to come on Hathaway, he was well on course for it, wasn't he? Yeah, I suppose. But I want it It should be attainable stuff so that then

I'm not saying unattainable, I'm just saying Yeah, I'm not putting Mr Universe on it, am I? I'd like to see my, I tell you what I'd like to be able to see my dick stood up that's honestly it'd be on there lose this fucking tub when we were out

at that karaoke bit I was like oh I got excited took my top off and I felt the jiggle I was like oh Dan this is getting out of hand mate what were you going to say

when we were at the karaoke place couldn't see me dick what were you going to say there was some dicks so yeah you can have two there mortgage right I need to lose

this fucking chub bar because it's getting bigger wheelie and motorbike Wheelie and motorbike. Wheelie and motorbike. Be able to talk to dogs. And them understand that. Can we rewind 30 seconds when he said attainable? What?

You want to be able to talk to dogs? Yeah. While doing wheelies. Get out of the kennel! Can you do a real one? A what? I don't want dogs to be able to talk to me. Yeah, Adam.

Stop doing funny ones. What everyone wants. Everyone's had enough of your funnies. Let's do a real one. Okay, so we're doing genuine five vision boards. We'll do two, so do two. What were your two? Pay off the mortgage and lose a bit of gut so when I'm stood up, I can see my penis.

I mean, my penis might have to take up a bit of the slack here. Okay. Bigger dick? No. Perform in a stadium. Cool. I just feel like I got wound up in that one. Goodison, here we come.

Learn a language that isn't English and not dog either no come on come on we said attainable that's a good one what's yours Carl oof be a consistent streamer

so like it's not just like I do it every now and again get your prostate checked that'll help with that and get my prostate checked okay can I have that one as well no start

start me house what start your house is one of yours get your conservatory get me get the extension done get your conservatory

so I want the end of the year me house to be you know you don't need a vision board for that you know you just need the AA. For what? Yellow pages, I mean.

AA, can you come and finish the extension, please? Are you broken down? Fucking is. Back of the house is missing. Yeah.

I want me house to be on its way to be getting done and I want to be a streamer. I would like to buy me a dream house with a pool. There you go. Oh, you're going straight into first house

who's got a swimming pool I didn't say first house but I would like my first house to be one that I'd be happy to live in for 10 years

oh I've got one get my bum all licked love a bit more ass play you I'd love Laura to walk in and see your vision I thought you were gonna say i'd love laura to do

your bum hole that's how you are i'll be fucking oh he's got a pill why are you scared he's on a motorbike as well though and he can wheelie and talk to dogs can i just say you know when everyone's like oh the birthday blow job what are we getting for Father's Day? Father's Day ass play? Come on. Come on, bro. Father's Day ass play should be a Twitter hashtag. Let's have a fucking snuffle for truffles on the Christmas.

When's Father's Day? Well, as soon as it can be. Google laughing. Father's Day, I want to say, is, no one gives a shit,

in about seven weeks. June the 18th, I guess. I want to go with July the 2nd. Miss Father's Day. Oh, God. There's no way Seven weeks. June the 18th, is my guess. I'm going to go with July the 2nd. Miss Father's Day. Oh, God.

There's no way you didn't already know that. No, it's a good guess. It is around June. It's June. I knew it was June. It changes every year as well. Of course it does. It depends on the moon,

doesn't it? Yeah, miss that. No one gives a shit. Miss Mother's Day. World of pain. There you go. Ass play Sundays. Ass play Tuesday. You're never getting fucking ass play on a Tuesday. Miss Mother's Day, world of pain. There you go, ass play Sundays.

Ass play Tuesday. You're never getting fucking ass play on a Tuesday. Midweek, on a school day. Come. So you want ass play? Pay your mortgage off,

lose weight, get some ass play. Isn't that an order? Honestly, and I think they're interlinked. Yeah. You lose a bit of weight, you're looking better.

Pay the mortgage off, she's going to snuff up for truffles. That's how that's going to go how do you want it you don't want finger ass play you want mouth ass play oh I mean if we're going to be down there anyway you know

when in Rome yeah act in a Hollywood blockbuster non-comedy just want me ass licked these are very different places

yeah Bollywood or Hollywood please yeah Bollywood or Hollywood please go Bollywood no Hollywood and not comedy I want to be a serious role me or like

Carl Orr I mean I'd take anything if they stayed you know beggars can't be choosers but I'd like to eventually lead one

you've got like a role model for that for next year someone's trajectory you want to kind of emulate Al Pacino Al Pacino famously I don you want to kind of emulate Al Pacino

Al Pacino famously I don't want to be the next Al Pacino when you're that ass licked when he finished with that

you know that romcom The Godfather he was like I want to do more serious roles yours could happen tonight

I'm telling you right now Carl that is way more likely I am I will honestly fucking put my mortgage on the fact I'm telling you right now, Carl, that is way more likely. I am. I will honestly fucking put my mortgage on the fact that that is more. Hello, this is Hollywood.

We need the new Al Pacino. And you look Italian stroke Syrian. And Laura's got a nut allergy. Time to do the Al Pacino impression, by the way. No, I just be myself, right? Yeah, don't do that. I think that's going to affect the audition, isn't it? No, Mr. O, this is a serious...

We're doing a remake. We're doing a remake of The Devil's Advocate. What, God! He's a fucking knobhead. He's an absentee landlord. Doesn't fix the taps or the fucking boiler. Cunt. You've got the part.

You've got the part. This guy's played stadiums. He's got a business partner with a clean, clean asshole. Think of us one. What do you want to manifest? Here we go. Number one single, surely.

Just getting a CT. Yeah, that seems unachievable right now, but yeah, if we can... Dream, believe, achieve. That's what I always say we've grown since

Laura's gone so maybe yeah just like a tour I'd like to do a tour with my band nice how many dates?

seven across the country? yeah cool it's not that hard if you don't go across the country we're touring seven dates in real

seven let's say 15 15 yeah let's say 3,000 let's do it 3,000 bit of advice Finn

keep it round the north west mate not just for fuel prices just for sales yeah Finn we'll do a 15 date tour you'll do fucking great

in Southport I wouldn't push yourself to get to fucking Bournemouth when are you coming down south because when there's more than eight of you. Yeah, I got asked to go to Plymouth the other day. Yeah, I didn't know there was a huge family.

Just for a gig or just a person? Yeah, just a person. Dan, let me ask him, what was a Plymouth later? You know what I mean? Down south. I was an arsehole. Yeah.

That's what I call it. Plymouth. I like Plymouth. Because there's a lot of sailors down there. There you go. Add or manifest what you want. Write it in the comments below. Your one manifestation.

The top of your vision board. Yeah. Number five for me is genuinely wheelie a motorbike. Just so you know. I know it was funny, but it wasn't a joke. Saw a lad come off a motorbike yesterday. He was in shock and he was laughing. It was a really weird moment.

Someone was trying to give him a bar of chocolate. Is that why you fell off? Fucking hell, a Bourneville. Yeah. So you've got to be careful with the old with the old motorbikes hey come here you do want it

oh do you know what I do want to do so Amy from the Mild High she just spoke about this so go and watch her got her ancestry done. So you send a bit of DNA off and it sends you back what you're made up of. I won't say hers

because again, go and watch The Mild High. I think we should all do that. Okay. I think that'll be fun. And we can all read them all. Yeah. Yeah.

You're not interested in that? I am. I am. We've gone quite a long way back we get back to like erm we've gone quite a long way back in ours this goes back to the Neanderthal though

yeah but they start just fucking throwing shit out there don't they no it's all done properly it goes right back to caveman time it's not cheap it does what

it's not a cheap test what and you get names yeah John Leander descendant of yeah he's great great

great I think it'll be interesting because God knows you know me I only know half of me so the furthest we go back Nightingale's is like

middle of the 19th century about 1850 it was a green grocer in East Lancashire yeah but that's not the area you should go back is it because there's

no that's the name. That was a... That was Jeans Reunited, where you actually get a name. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, no, but after a certain point, like, because you can... There's places that go,

you go back to the Viking King Canute or whatever. King Cunt. That'd be sick, wouldn't it? Yeah, but they're making it up. They don't know. No, they're not. Why are they making it up? They're blagging.

Because if you're poor your one just got back to fucking 1850 because we were poor because we were poor if you're poor you've got no fucking bloodline you're just from a long line of poor people going i don't know why we were born and then we died you didn't just spawn them poor people your nan didn't hatch out of an egg what your nan did not hatch out of an egg. Eggie Sue? She did, didn't she? Peggy Q. I'm telling you, if you've got Irish heritage, no offence,

you're going to start running out of fucking birth certificates. If you're from a fucking poor background, you're from people that didn't fucking register births and have fucking birth certificates. That's not me. This isn't that. This isn't that. Oh, sorry. this just tells you where you're from you're like five percent french or like whatever like right right right right cool i we did the one where it literally goes it's like your family tree and they can get so far back alexander armstrong you know from the weakest

link can is 27 links to william the conqueror oh Oh, that's cool. Is it pointless? Sorry, sorry, sorry. That's sick. Yeah, but because he's posh. So he goes back to like the mid 19th century and he's fucking like, literally there's an Earl in like medieval Earl that he's related to. When you go 500 years back,

you need someone from the aristocracy because everyone poorer than that turned up, was born, another fucking pleb, and then they died. And that's basically us. It's a rough one. You had to get to the Victorian era to actually, people bother about the working class to go,

name, right, you fucking exist. So because he's posh, and he's sound, I get it, but literally 27 from William the Conqueror, which is immense. I thought you were trying to link back. No, no no this is what you're made up of this is where you've this is where you've come from all your like like say france or like so what because of your dna they give you a percentage yeah what you are yeah and

you are a percentage neanderthal as well yeah but it also does dna matches with people around the world as well yeah so you can find out like genghenghis Khan is your nan's fucking side piece or something. Oh, lads. Your nan. I'll tell you what. Just your nan. Just nan. Oh, fucking hell. I think we're just going to be,

you're going to have bare Spanish in you. I'm going to learn shit about myself that I don't know and it's fun, isn't it? I think we should do it all together.

Hang on, guys. Listen. You're scousers and you're conspiracy theorists. You're putting your DNA on a fucking database. Am I the only one? I'm not a conspiracy theorists you're putting your dna on a fucking database am i the only one am i we've never i'm just watching people are you are you not worried you're basically putting your dna on a fucking database oh yeah yeah oh nice one yeah we'll keep

this yeah we'll tell you you're fucking 14% slovenian no bet going in the database fucking smart what's the database going on i database. Fucking smart. What's the database going to do? Hang on, I feel like we've flipped it. Yeah, what's the database for? I don't know,

I'm just trying to put my mind, put my headspace in the fucking conspiracy theorist. Clone me if you want. Go for it. Clone me as many times

as you want, mate. Right. Yeah. I'm not going to commit any crimes, so the police can have my DNA. Help with editing the episode, won't it?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. People, like guests, are coming and going, there are two little clones over there, aren't there? Yeah, yeah. There. People, like guests are coming and go, there are two little clones over there, aren't they? Yeah, yeah.

There's Carl. There's two little Carls. Playing the hits. I think we should do it. Can we all do it? Can we all do the tests and all do it together? Yeah, I'm in.

I'm in. Do it at home as well if you want to get involved. I think it's just a really interesting thing to find out about yourself. I've got a feeling I'm all Anglo.

I'm Anglo-Saxon. I'm partly South American, I know that. Partly Irish. You will have though. What? I'm partly South American, I know that. Partly Irish. You will have, though. What? I'm partly South American. What are you talking about?

On my mum's side. What? Her maternal grandmother was part South American. Part South American? Do you know which bit? No. What did she come over with? A load of beak?

What? How did she get here? A load of fucking Esmeralda? Shove that up your arse. Away you go to Liverpool. Did you have some smuggling or anything? A lot of beak? What? How did she get a load of fucking... On a boat? Esmeralda? Shove that up your arse. Away you go to Liverpool. She wasn't smuggling anything. How do you know?

She could have been the first cokehead. Well, I don't know, but that wasn't the fucking headline. Amy's got a percentage like Garnet. Adam Rowe! Great Nans are fucking cokehead. All right, Cole. That's an unlikely... You will have some kind of mad West African percentage.

Carl's going gonna go back to the Spanish armada yeah Dan's not got any African in him no no not yet I think

hello see you in Plymouth boys my arsehole I don't think there's loads of Portuguese in here I'd say there's a bit of Brazilian

somewhere around your fucking badonk, mate. Yeah, I'll find out where my ass is from. You are 100% Anglo-Saxon, but you've got an Italian ass. Where did you get the blood from? My ass. That's where I want to find out. This is fucking...

We'll order them in the break. I think it's really interesting. And do it at home. It's not cheap. It's not too expensive, but if you want to do it as well, it's really interesting. And do it at home. It's not cheap. It's not too expensive, but if you want to do it as well, it's an interesting thing to learn about yourself. I've got a feeling that there's not much continental.

I bet you there is. Look at the state of me. You're going to be a bit scanty, I think. Yeah. Yeah. You've got some Norwegian in you. Well, Anglo-Saxon, innit? I could, like...

You've come across Europe, you. Yeah. Well, Anglo-Saxon, isn't it? I could, like, if you... You come across Europe, you. Yeah. Well, that's most of, that's where... Yeah. The Saxon, Anglo-Saxons are Germans, aren't they?

They're kingly. Yeah. You can tell the South American in me. I've got some flabs, you know what I mean? Yeah. I've watched you play football and every time I think,

fuck me, that lad should be playing for Brazil. You've seen me dance as well. Carl's from the Spanish Armada. I'm from fucking groove armada mate that's me cars by the way carl's just spanish it's not the spanish armada it's just spanish what is an armada spanish armada was a load of was it king philip tried to invade uh england yeah and uh big liz oh the og liz Stupid name for a Spanish fella. No wonder he was trying to be there.

The OG Liz went to Portsmouth. That's not a euphemism for my dick. Yeah, she was down south on a horse and she was like, fuck off you Spaniards. And there was a storm. And they all just fucked up. Wasn't it all just big loads of ships?

Yeah, there was a massive storm that helped them. Who fought them? Who fought them? Who was the fucking sailor that fought them who fought them who fought them who was the fucking sailor that fought them captain bird's eye blake blake what am i googling this is first no it's captain spanish armada captain spanish armada captain if it's captain berns i am snapping that laptop is it the one that was here like it was right i'm man yeah he's shagging it um Oh, the marquee of Santa Cruz. Francis Drake.

Not fucking... It was Drake. Franny Drake. Oh, isn't he Plymouth? He is Plymouth because we went to Plymouth and he's everywhere, him. Franny Drake. Yeah, he got loads of ass play.

Marquee Santa Cruz was the Spanish guy. Marquee. And his grandson played for Blackburn. What a fucking name that was. And City. Ro for Blackburn. Yeah. What a fucking name that was. And city. Rocky Santa Cruz. And he was a bagsman.

If you could pick it, mate, honestly, I'm telling you right now, if you get a bit of Chilean in you or whatever what Santa Cruz was, you should be allowed

to change your name to something like Rocky Santa Cruz. Martin Van Gerwen. It's not as good, is it? It is. It isn't as good.

Let's have a break order them up I'm on it nice one we're just talking about potential guests for the future Noel Gallagher's in Liverpool

in a few months and you know we will ask the question as we always do it'll be probably a no what'd be really funny

is if we book them in and then just don't let Finn come yeah just don't let Finn come. Yeah. Just don't tell, like we all just create a separate one. It's a day off. I'd be at that window.

No, you wouldn't, no. We'll just be like, we're recording Thursday this week. Do it on a Wednesday. Oh, I reckon he'd leave. He'd leave, wouldn't he? He's so angry. I've never seen him, I'm not upset.

No tribunals, eh? Congratulations on 100,000 views on your special. he wouldn't even he's so angry I've never seen him I'm not upset no tribunals eh congratulations on 100,000 views on your special thank you mate that was very nice congratulations on 193

which came out first yeah it's not really it's not a time thing but no that's nice isn't it it's nice to have all three of the specials we've brought out

in the last two months in triple figures in triple figures lovely um so thanks for watching smasher tickets to my next tour are available at don nightingale.com adam's tickets are available at adam roderick okay i've just added uh europe so i'm doing copenhagen oslo stockholm helsinki paris and harlem which is very close to Amsterdam if anyone in Europe who listens to this

I've had a lot of messages from people who live in these cities saying I can't wait I'm bringing some friends along and stuff so

that looks like that's going to be very cool but also if you're all living your fancy little away day as a trip

that's the type of thing I'd do I'd go to like like if Bill Bear was doing Europe you'd do Stockholm I'd quite happily go

and watch him in Europe and have a few days in a fancy city my mate Ben went to Berlin to watch him yeah he did a gig in Berlin yeah that'd be sick

I'm doing Bangor Pontio North West Wales Europe is that what it's called what that's the place name is a theater name in it um i don't mean to sort of not include ireland and europe i had a comment about that going you're already doing europe you're doing ireland i fully know that um it's just that when these

things get announced we announced the uk and ire together because, um, the companies that promote them and the way it's done, like Ticketmaster, um, that they're together. I know Ireland is Europe. I'm very excited to be back in Ireland, not just doing Dublin this time, going all over the place.

Uh, but these are the first, um, these are the first European dates outside of Ireland. That's how I am. I mean, technically the whole tour is Europe because Liverpool's in Europe. So I mean, technically, the whole tour is Europe, isn't it? Because Liverpool's in Europe. So, I know,

but I'll see you in Dublin. Harlem, in the Netherlands, just sounds cool, doesn't it? Yeah. Apparently, it's a really,

really cool spot. Yeah, just outside Amsterdam. And that's the day before my actual holiday. I fly from Harlem back to Manchester to fly to Greece and then I'm on a holiday for a week before

the UK tour kicks off I can't wait to go back to Amsterdam to do a Patreon special Amsterdam 2 has to be in the offing for 2024 and I'll smoke a De Vuit because I didn't

I think I'll do mushrooms oh god please guys because we recorded our Patreon special And I'll smoke a DeFude, because I didn't. I think I'll do mushrooms. Oh, God, please, guys. Because we recorded our Patreon special. It's out on Friday the 7th of April. Yes. It's the Games Night special. And I don't know what we're branding it as. I don't think, there's no way of branding what we did.

I don't know what we're calling it just yet. But it's out, and it was just meant to be some games. Can I tell them the truth? Can I tell them the truth? So we're going to Nashville next month, right? And I say next month, literally next week. And Nashville's very expensive to fly all of the team over, to accommodate everyone,

to pay for the food and drink while we're out there and the activities. So we needed a really cheap Patreon special this month that we could film in a day and get it out because we like to give you something every month. And luckily we live in Liverpool and Liverpool's fucking great fun. So we thought we'll go to Roxy Ballroom

and then we'll see where the night takes us, maybe do some karaoke. And that's what we did. And you just wait and see what that led to. That doesn't sound, like on paper that sounds like, oh yeah, it's a Patreon special. I think me and Finn went on our own special journey. I know we went to Roxy Ballroom and a karaoke.

I also feel like I went to the Moon and Back in a premiering bathtub. And that's before we'd even started. There was a moment at the end where I've never laughed that much and I was nearly sick. And Elliot Steele was on the floor because he couldn't stand for laughing. Elliot Steele and Jamie Hutchinson joined us for this one. I was dehydrated because of the amount of times I'd cried laughing.

At one point I was like, I literally just floods of tears. Like the things that happened at the end. It's not the most effort we've ever put in to a special, it isn't because we didn't have the time to do it I think it's some of the most I've laughed on a special it's got the funniest moments we've ever done in a special when we first started it, before we started it

even I was like, this isn't us like we normally put loads more effort into these specials and Carl and Sti and Dan were like just trust us. We're always good. It's always a good laugh. And by the end of it,

I think I said on camera, this is the best one we've ever done because it just got so out of hand. I don't know whether you know about this. Does he know about this? No. So when we left the karaoke place, this isn't in the special, so this doesn't ruin anything.

We all left the karaoke place. Three people stayed. the special, so this doesn't ruin anything. We all left the karaoke place. Three people stayed. Jamie Hutchinson, Elliot Steele, and Finn stayed out. The Asian man who runs the karaoke place went home and he'd locked them in. With the bar open?

Yeah. So they just helped themselves to the bar until they got bored. We had some tickets left, so we thought it was only fair. Oh, you popped the tickets up? Yeah. So they just helped themselves to the bar until they got bored? We had some tickets left, so we thought it was only fair. Oh, you popped the tickets up? Kind of. Where did the three birds and the three ladies...

They came back. They came back later on and joined us for a few tunes. Elliot did a very, very intense version of Stamp. He put his hood up. He got fully into it. He was getting in mine and jamie's face yeah yeah he he knew all the words he didn't need the screen girls love that um and then jamie jamie did smelton john and some oasis um then all the girls came and the the guy came in and we did valerie together

yeah that was a bit more of a sort of popular but then we were locked in you had a lock in yeah yeah but the door the door was locked the other group if there'd been a fire what would you

they went out we went out the fire escape and we had to walk down through a building site out towards Bald Street but it was

it was it's not the weirdest thing that happened that night how's he managed that how's who managed the guy the guy I that night. How was he managed that? How was who managed? The guy. The guy, I don't know.

He just locked up and gone to bed, I think. Because it was like half three at this point. We'd stayed for two hours. At some point, I was going, this is really sad, actually, when you think about where you are on a Tuesday night. But then other times, it was great. It was kind of... I wasn't, mate.

We were in a great time. No, I know but when everyone had got where did those three girls and their mate come from you're going for it hard on a Tuesday it was like

they were like Saturday Night Energy have you seen you know the video I put up yeah have you seen the girl's jaw her jaw is like all the comments

are fucking hell like girl's jaw in the red because she is yeah she better hope her family don't because her jaw is all over the gaff. All right. That was some of the most fun I've ever had

recording a Patreon special, considering we were like, yeah, Tuesday night, we'll see what happens. Fuck me. Oh my God. I was crying laughing. I think that's going to go down very well. If you're not signed up to Patreon,

patreon.com slash have a word pod. Amsterdam too, you've got to try the chocolate dinosaurs. Yeah, I'll do mushrooms. You will have such a laugh. It's so funny. Like, when we got to the thing, we were all over the shop. And Finn was like, it's 28 degrees in this room.

And Adam was like, that's not as funny as you think it is, lad. Fuck me, you giggle. I'm looking forward to seeing you on the old stegos, mate. Get a stegosaurus. Yeah, me and Carlo do mushies. You can do pot. Yeah. Roll reverse or something.

You do real man stuff. I will. I'll be the Zootons, mate. Super caribou. Fuck, you know. And then I'm doing shrooms because they're better. Call you Paul Pot. Paul Pot?

Yeah. Paul Potts. Paul Potts? Yeah. Paul Potts. What? Here to help. I'll solve your problems. I'll tell you the best thing to do. Yeah. If you want to do it,

you'll be fine. If you don't, you might do time. Oh, nice hip hop. If you don't listen to me, you might go to prison. This is from Anonymous. Sexy Anonymous.

Anonymous advice request, please, lads, for obvious reason. Afternoon. Love the pod. Seen you both a few times at gigs. Now they've all been great. Bit of an advice request. Me and the missus took up swinging last year. Hang on.

The sex one or parks? They just go to the swings. And he wants to get her on roundabouts. Because it feels right, you know, with the saying. Me and the missus both took up swinging last year. It's really important that they both took it up. Because if one of you starts swinging and the other doesn't know, it's just shagging, isn't it?

I just remember the shit joke that I used to do when I started. When I started stand up I had a fictional paedophile uncle called Uncle Charlie yeah and one of the jokes was along the lines

of my Uncle Charlie touched me but he always used to give me like let me watch whatever telly I want so swings and roundabouts

is where you can find my Uncle Charlie that nearly got an encore in Chester on the boat is where you can find my uncle Charlie. That nearly got an encore in Chester. I remember Uncle Charlie, me fucking ill. So we started swinging last year. I've always had a bit of a cook-hold fetish. We both

love it and have a great time exploring ourselves with other people. My favourite thing we did was when we got another bloke round whilst I was at work, nights, and she got rogered by him whilst I wasn't there. Fuck me, this guy's chilled out, hasn't he? What?

One of the funnest things we did. He wasn't even there. That's what Cuckolden is up to. She might not have even done it. Oh, yeah, I've shagged him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's off bargains. I've shagged David Dickinson. yeah, yeah. No, that's off bygones. I've shagged David Dickinson. Yeah, yeah. What a weird cuckold. I thought you had to be there to be cuckolding.

I was listening in on them, enjoying themselves via a smart camera in another room in the house with headphones so my colleagues didn't know, obviously. And getting... I'm fucking loud speaking in the office, are you? And getting...

That's just Julie getting bummed by David Dickinson. How much for full anal? There's 60, 80. and getting set what's that Julie getting bummed by David Dickinson how much for full anal there's 60 80 I can go to 100 when I finished work in the morning

we were both gagging for me to reclaim her and had some of the best sex we've ever had she loved it too I should add part of what made it great was that we both work at the same place, both on nights.

So it was fun listening to it happen whilst all our coworkers had no idea it was going on. I'd like her to do it again, but she'd prefer to go back to nights out at swingers clubs, even if I'm not in the room watching when it happens. Problem is, A, I enjoy the videos. They're number one spot in my wank bank. I even saved the recordings from the smart camera

just for the sound. They were in another room, so I couldn't see anything. And here's the other problem. B, there's a fucking cost of living crisis and a night out just makes the whole thing more expensive. And one of us had to stay sober as we live in the middle of nowhere, so we have to drive there and back.

Am I being unfair to ask her to do it at home instead? It's not the act of doing it she's bothered about, just the location. How can I persuade her if not? What the fuck? So, the old cuckold and the cost of living crisis. This is why the Tories need to be got rid of, you know? Because they're affecting this guy's ability

to get his wife banged at a fucking different location. I'd love for you to get three dicks at a swingers club, but the cost of diesel, love. You said they live in the middle of nowhere. They could live in the Cotswolds. They could make a night called Cuckold in the Cotswolds. Cuckold in the Cotswolds. And everyone goes to their house.

Ah, ooh. How can we give this man advice? Oh, I can. I'm into it. How do I convince my wife to get banged in her house instead of someone else's? You know, whatever you've done, mate,

to convince her to do any of this in the first place. Use that again, but tweak your formula. Mad, that. And she should just be putting a porno video on and watching, like, Come Dine With Me. If it's in the other room. Maybe it's a porno video called come dine with me people are just

jizzing on plates yeah and obviously fuel's expensive but you can't go on the trains you just can't trust them no one should be getting public transport

to a gangbang we've said it before yeah oh I like it I think it's great this is where I'm headed obviously you know

the Plymouth is you know not you know bum play so you'd listen to Laurie get bummed in work? What? I don't know.

Is that what's on in those headphones now? Just from the baby monitor. I'd go home and bat at them, even though I'd said it was okay. Right. Yeah, I don't think you were quite in the cook hole mind space yet, mate.

No. I think you've got to get over that sort of like instinct. No, because he'd like, I don't know, he'd like touch my Xbox or something. Oh, no. That punches it.

That's your issue? Yeah. Imagine going home, he's playing your Xbox. The problem is he's touching your cutting box. He's losing the game on Ultimate Team and something. He's just shagged your beard. No. I'd bat on him.

Stole my head, didn't I? What a weird man. Carl's got no humour. When he puts himself in these positions, he's like, no, no. And I'm the same, to be honest, yeah. You can't fuck me, wife. I'm sorry this didn't happen.

And I've not even married you. That's how serious I am. That's how much he hates you. He'll marry someone just so you can't fuck him. I would do that as well. Oh, Adam, this is so unexpected. Yeah, but I hear the rules. No, I think it's great.

I think it's fucking brilliant. Get Coco. Coco. Coco think it's fucking brilliant. Get Coco. Coco. Get fucking Coco popped. Why don't they host the swingers party? Is that not a happy meeting? That's what I've just said. Coco and the Cotswolds.

Well done, Finn. Thank you. Finn. Thanks, guys. Oh, fucking. I had the name for it. Did you hear that? Finn suggested they have the Coco party in their house.

I had the name for it. Charlie. Did you hear that? Finn solved it. Finn solved it. All on their house. I had a name for it. Charlie, do you hear that? Finn solved it. Finn solved it. All on his own. Yeah, but you just added the Cotswolds. They don't live in the Cotswolds. They live in Norway.

We don't have any fucking listeners. It's not cuckold in the Cotswolds. It's swinging at the Cotswolds. Shit. That's not good. Swinging in St Helens. Swinging in the Southwest. Swinging in Southampton.

That's low down, isn't it? You have to move out for that you're just shit stop clapping him brilliant fit thanks guys really well done God Almighty you know what we're going to invite you in for Noel

Gallagher now I mean there was no wordplay with it though if you'd have done some funny wordplay with where it was think about that for next time all right thank you because it

would be nice if you could get a little bit of a soundbite with it yeah but no one could bumming in Birmingham Think about that for next time. All right. Thank you. Because it would be nice if you could get a little bit of a soundbite with it. Yeah. But no one could. Bumming in Birmingham. Bumming in Birmingham. No, but in Nottingham.

The middle of nowhere. I can do it for any town. Rochdale. Roger and in Rochdale. Exeter. Exeter in Exeter. After you've come in a pussy. Oh, he's good.

Well, didn't nobody enter here in Exeter? No, I'm getting into semantics. No, you're Exeter after you've come. You're Toxeter. After you've come in a pussy. Oh, he's good. Well, didn't nobody enter her in Exeter? No, I'm getting into semantics. No, you're Exeter after you've come. You Toxeter. You're right. What? You Toxeter. You Toxeter her Boxeter.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well done, Finn. Thank you. Fun Horn in Runcorn. Oh. Well done, Finn. That was a good one as well. Next question. Fun horn in Runcorn. Oh. Well done, Finn. That was a good one as well. Next question.

Spill in Rell. Spill your juice. Oh, well done, Finn. Thank you. Really? Choking in Roken. Oh, Roken. Roken.

That's if Jonathan Ross goes. Choking in Roken. Choking in Roken. That's BDSM though, isn't it? It's different. So it's stupid. We don. Choking and woking. Choking and woking. That's BDSM though, isn't it? It's different. So it's stupid. We don't know how to advise this. I do.

Leather and a bar in Leamington Spa. By the way, he's gone. This is where he's at. He's not playing this. Aberystwyth, got any for that? Go and ham son in Wolverhampton. Piss in Dis. That's too easy,

isn't it? Where's Dis? Dis? Yeah, where's Dis? East Anglia. Oh. Isn't it?

Is it? Isn't it Norfolk? Give it a poke in Basingstoke. It's good. It's alright. Got Bromber of Rake in me,

but like, make love. Make love in Bromber of Rake. Cheers on a wall in Chiswell. Right. I think

you just do it at home then. I think you go, listen, I'll meet you halfway, love. Let's have a party at home. They can come to you. Do you live together? Do you have to meet halfway? No, I mean, they need other people.

Like, that's meeting her at... Oh, yeah, yeah. Fucking jokes, is it? I'm into the cuckold thing. I reckon you're not far away and you're joking, but you're not. No, I like it. It's one of my favourite poems at the moment.

I don't know why I enjoy it I reckon you're I'm not wearing the dick cage though that little like little goth knob cage I understand the cuckold porn

but like I've said before I'm the one fucking the wife yeah yeah yeah because you're the kind of person we want to bring in yeah

yep so do you have to be into cuckolding to be the shagger I think really what are you hiding like a stud I just I get turned on at the thought of fucking someone else's wife So, do you have to be into cookholding to be the shagger? I think, really... Or do you hide in, like, a stud?

I just... I get turned on at the thought of fucking someone else's wife. I mean, you know, that's half the thing, innit? You could sign up on a cookhold website. You're like, I'll come and bum your wife. I've got to get out of the van. No, it's like Tinder, innit? What you're looking for.

Will you buy any car? I'll bum any wife. I'm the stud car I'll bum any wife I'm the stud I'll bum any wife dot com on cookery I'll bum any wife dot com I'll bum your wife's head off

dot co dot uk Matthew's head off he's already bought it Matthew pays about four grand a year for the main yeah the people the people who click on that link

are going to be disappointed, aren't they? When they end up getting live tickets to Glasgow. Trying to fuck someone's wife here. Albumanywife.com Is Philip Schofield still advertising? Oh, don't talk about him. Imagine the power you'd feel there, though. Some sad little cunt in the corner

with handcuffs on, bumming his wife. I'd feel good there. Are you handcuffing him as well? Like Batman? No, she does that. Handcuff him to the radiator. I'm not even looking at him. He's holding the camcorder.

Zoom out, lad. Get it all in. Got some wide lens with me right here. Matthew turns up with lights. Will's like, there's no lighting here. It's not going to be good enough. Oh, for the love of God. We're shooting it in raw.

He's going in raw. Carl's like, how long is this going to take to edit? Oh, fuck's sake. Get a grade on it. Sorry you could you do it you could you bang someone's wife and she's like oh yeah she seems special there's only one wife in here though one man with a wife yeah there you go no go. No, I don't want to know. When you look around, there's still no wives in it. There's only one wife in here. Laura?

I don't want to know the guy. Oh, really? Yeah, I don't want to fuck either of your partners. That just feels weird. Like, the dynamic in here would shift. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. That would be an awkward business meeting as well, wouldn't it?

Yeah. Adam, two seconds. What are we going to do about the expenses? Are you on a rocking chair? I've seen, I've watched the, I've watched the cook-all porn. There's always some

fat white dude, hello, with a little fucking, hello, and he's got the fucking camcorder and I own five. Yeah, but why is he rocking?

He's getting in, he's getting closer. He's crashing. He's got a zoom. No, a lot of them don't have's getting in. He's getting closer. He's crashing. He's got a Zoom. Crashing. No, a lot of them don't have fucking Zooms. They're just like little shitty. Oh, yeah.

Go on, Bev. You're loving that, aren't you? Go on. Do they talk to it? Do they? Do they talk to it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes the missus goes,

hold my hand. So big. He goes, all right. And I'm still big. I'm holding up. I got a big hand. He's fucked fucked me so hard i've got a massive hand spanks him into the fucking other room i don't think you'd be able to perform with some fat bald white guy he does it here. Oh, yeah. I mean, with a lot of respect for him, he didn't take that one.

It's too good, though. How can you be offended? It's so true. I could absolutely do it. If she was fit enough, do you know what I mean? Albumanywife.com slash only tens. Only tens? Yeah.

Wow. I don't know if a lot of tens have got husbands. I don't know. There's always something. Yeah, because they're probably playing away because they're probably attractive men. So they want to get theirs as well. No, I can say I could like it. I like it.

Also, you can't. You never know. You know what I mean it's not with Laura in my head the Lord works in mysterious ways in my head it's not my actual life I like the idea of it

and then you go no it's Laura isn't it I love her that's where I like the the game in my the game in my head is is almost

I kind of get the yeah you can watch porn that you don't want to do in real life I don't want to piss on anyone tell your own girl though I don't want to oh you don't you just like the visual of it

you wouldn't what you wouldn't piss on anyone I don't want to but you would yeah we all would yeah yeah

if they ask nice things I like lesbian gangbangs but I wouldn't want to be in one yes you would no I don't I don't think I'd be welcome with a camera. You rockin' horse.

Sorry, girls. Sorry I'm late. The weather. Forgot my camera. He's just watching. Here we go. And this is where someone does the line, there's definitely that porn that exists. Rockin' horse, cuckold porn. 100%. If you can think of it, if you can conceive of it, this is where someone does the line there's definitely that porn that exists rocking horse cookhold porn

100% if you can think of it if you can conceive of it even if it's in a parallel universe rocking horse do you think one of the lesbians would go wild

instead of a man with a rocking horse in the corner yeah I think I think once once I turn up in a parallel universe I'd say though 100%

Elton John's a rocking horse yeah yeah yeah and all the lesbians are wearing Everton away kits yeah Elton John is the Rojanoz. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All the lesbians are wearing Everton away kits. Yeah. Elton John is the Rojanoz. Parallel universe.

Suck my fucking balls. No, not parallel. Parallel parking? Infinite. Infinite. Right, right, right, right, right. Couple of questions to round this section out. Anna Parker says,

if you were each to get a sudden crippling foot cramp that needed an immediate rub, you can't move for the pain, so it has to be done by one of the lads in the studio. Which one of the team is your go-to for a foot massage? Finn with his big old fingers, Adam with his ADHD because it would last 20 seconds and then he'd get bored. P.S.

I bet Carl gives good foot rub. Foot rubs. Foot rubs? I give a good foot rub. He's a softie. I give a good foot rub. I give a good foot rub. Give me a foot,

I give it a rub. That's from Anna Parker who sounds thirsty as fuck. Lads, who touch you first? You need a foot rub. It has to happen. You're like, oh, it's crippling.

Someone touch me. I think I'm going for Finn. Yeah. Finn or Will. I don't know. Will would be smoking while he's doing it. That's kind of sexy. Smoking on.

I'd do it if you were on a rocking horse. How is your foot, Dan? How's your fucking foot? Can we knock to a hollows' foot? How's your foot? Oh, yeah, you need a foot rub. Yeah, I don't think that's how lumps work. Oh, you need a foot rub.

I found a lump. Rub it out. Like a light switch. So I've got a lump on my foot, and a lot of people have gone, Dan, it sounds like a ganglion cyst sound. You just need it. You just need it seen to. That sounds sounds awful one woman messaged dan please see a doctor because my husband had a lump on his foot and then we lost him a few years later it was cancer and what i've done with all of

that information is nothing god nothing that went out on t Tuesday and took some chocolate dinosaurs. FYI, science, that doesn't cure lumps. What's a ganglion? It sounds awful. It does. It sounds like it's hangling and gangling, doesn't it? It sounds tall. A ganglion. Gangly cyst.

Fucking hell, that's a big cyst. Six foot three. By the way, if the lump was six foot three, I'd have a little set. Six foot three. Mike Tyson. Do you know how pissed off we'd be if you died because of that? Yeah, I'd be pissed off as well. No, you'd be dead off we'd be if you died because of that yeah I'd be pissed off as well no you'd be dead

and we'd have to replace you cool thanks oh god we would have been better we're done exactly but he died

we've never missed an episode mate we're not starting now just because you've got fucking no feet he loses the other one as well am I going to have to lose a foot can you get it checked please it's been like two months

that's it where's your doctor is it in where you live I'm one of them traditionalist thinkers doctors where they live Carl's doctor's in Petersburg Petersburg St Petersburg my doctor's in St Petersburg Petersburg St. Petersburg

my doctor's in St. Petersburg Petersburg my doctor's in Kiev and they just seem busy okay yeah can't get an appointment selfish

just go to your doctor and go look at that and he'll go that's a ganglion cyst you need to rub it out and you're done or he'll go

you got foot cancer have a good week and that's all that's all you've got left alright got some bad news that is foot cancer and you're gonna need another host for the podcast you know i'm a pachy um well are you scared are you lazy do i look scared yeah i'm fucking nails mate you are scared though you're acting all manly and tough but you're not yeah it's well no at the end of the day I'm a bit of a lad you're a shy little girl and they're scared of cancer

famously shy little girls they're always like oh god I've got a six foot three lump except for tomorrow if you haven't got the doctor's wait next week

I'm gonna call Laura right does she know about her have you got a number yeah I have does she know about your foot have you

does she know about your foot yeah ah she doesn't does she she does she also knows what life insurance is so I think she's literally

in her reddit it's win win oh god that does look bad let me just check with Aviva again yeah probably just leave that if you haven't gone by

the next Patreon record alright I'm gonna call it on episode alright do you phone your doctor when we finish in a sec for a break

it's probably gone down it hasn't though has it it's getting bigger isn't it no it's just it's malignant is it oh oh don't die on us Dan

can't be arsed building a rapport with a new host it'd be hard oh thanks that makes me feel wanted erm I think Adam Sneaky

would be quite good quite good at foot rubs apart from he'd just get annoyed I I don't like oh you're not like I

any sort of I like I like to please my partner so any sort of like massage and stuff you would think would be in my wheelhouse. No?

No, I just... I get so annoyed that I'm not getting massaged and that I'm having to do it. Yeah, you can't really do a 69-foot massage, can you, where you're getting one while she's getting one? No, but I really pussy all night long. As long as it's 69? All night.

I really pussy all night long. I've got a rapport with that. You know what I mean? Like, I don't, I like doing that because I'm like, look at what I'm doing here. Eating pussy's good.

Is that what? What? What an amazing way to, I love eating pussy because look at what I'm doing here. It's got a cloud. Everyone! Cover it out!

How long have you got? Because you're going to need all night. Because Adam's going to pum pum town. Got an angle? Get on the rocking horse. Zoom in, zoom out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Finn's having the best of both worlds

because one, he's got lovely big hands and two, he wants to please us. I'd rather he pussy for two hours than massage someone for 10 minutes. Yeah, fair enough. Same here. Finn, would you rub Adam's foot if he went?

Rub your foot? No. No. I don't think it's in his job description. No, but you've asked him nicely. Carl, what are you? Are you... You're very...

I think she's right. Whatever, I've deleted it. What's her name? Ruby. Anna. Ruby? Ruby? What's her second name? Boobie. Ruby? I don't know where it comes from.

What's her second name? Boobie. It's from Ruby Boobie. Ruby Wax. What's her second name? Parker. I don't know where I got Ruby from. It's true.

Anna Parker. I'd rub your feet. Do you think he gives good ones, though? Because he does all sorts. Ice skates. I've never let that go in my head. I haven't even started it yet either. I think you give nice foot rubs to... I give everything good.

Cool. I'm going with Finn. And I think he'd be good at it. I think he's quite sensual. Do you reckon? Yeah. Get your potter though. Yeah, yeah.

Imagine the tribunal. And what did they say? And what did they make you do a foot rub take drugs and rub his feet we call but we don't call it

a foot rub in real we call it a squeezy the judge will be like freak and a seaty yeah I'm not a generous partner but I'm a generous lover

that's the best way to put it you are a generous partner I suppose yeah but I mean like doing things like that like I'll

you know you don't like to rub people that's allowed like yeah I like getting my arm tickled why am I tickling you I don't love Laura's feet she's got a really

big big toe that's her nickname big big toe ringer now call it big toe oh no it's not I've been taking the piss

out of that for seven years oh are we doing that? We've got loads of nicknames. Yeah we're doing it on the Patreon exclusive. Like Hippo Tits or something. That's not gonna go down well. Just letting you know. She's got a right fucking big toe on her. Hippo Tits.

No I can't call her that. I'm just letting you know now that that's not going down well. Hippo Tits. Hey up Hippo Tits. It's gotta be that you know now that that's not going down well. Hippotits. Hey, you're a hippotit. It's got to be that, you know. It's too funny. Just for everyone, on next week's Patreon exclusive,

I am ringing my wife out of the blue. He's going to call her a nickname that he's never called her before. And I've got to try out a nickname that has been selected by these animals via the Patreons. And if it's hippo tits, I'm not getting my ass licked. I'm telling you right now. And if it's not hippo tits, same. Let's have a break.

Welcome back to part three of this week's episode of Have A Word The Podcast. We are here with... Do you know what? Joe, you doing that is the best thing in the world for me because I can identify the audio stuff dead easy

I've never seen Adam that calm I love it I'm just trying to what's happened Ryan is I've had three hours sleep but let me introduce you anyway we've got the bad boy

of Liverpool yeah the beacon of negativity the drain himself Ryan that was the worst intro I've ever

had in my life but it's from the heart so Ryan baby no it is yeah I appreciate that thank you for having me welcome positivity is what he means

you're very welcome the drain of negativity was you're bringing the love to the internet that's what your job is I'm trying my best yeah I'm here

I just want to settle and say my dog's dead yeah we asked Ryan before we started is there anything you don't want to talk about and he said no I'm not a pussy talk about anything Rwy'n dweud, mae fy ngheirio wedi cael ei ddod. Ie. Cefais i Ryan ddweud, wyt ti ddim am sôn amdano? Ac fe dweud, nid, dwi ddim yn bwysig.

Dwi ddim yn sôn am unrhyw beth. Fodd bynnag, mae fy ngheirio wedi cael ei ddod. Roeddwn i eisiau cael hynny allan. Roeddwn i eisiau ei ddod. Yn fawr. Oedd hi'n hir? 15. Roedd hi'n byw.

15? Bw! Dwi ddim am ddod â seks. Pam? O. Mae testichle wedi'u gwneud. Mae'r mab ddim wedi'u gwneud. Mae'n fawr iawn. Ever had sex. Why? Oh. Testicles done. Mum never mated them. So heavy, that, innit?

Isn't that mad the way we take an animal and go, right, you're never fucking anybody. Get in my house. And you'll walk on a lead. We do that with ugly humans as well. You're never fucking anyone. Get in my house. On a lead.

Can they not shag when they've got the balls? They can shag but they don't really have the will do you know what I mean they don't they don't spooge they don't have the

frustration no they haven't like the do they get it goes their edge to fuck it's like if you get your arms crossed off

you could technically play darts but you don't really want to think of the feeling after you fuck sorry right technically talk me through

playing darts without arms in your mouth yeah okay yeah you can he's right no think of the feeling after you fuck so think of that feeling Sorry, right. Technically, talk me through playing darts without arms. Your mouth. Yeah, okay. Yeah, you can. He's right. No, think of the feeling after you fuck. So think of that feeling

after you've ejaculated. They never get it. You don't want to fuck. You're like, go away. I want to play FIFA. They've still got a dick. Basically, dogs that have had the balls cut off

can finger other dogs with their cock, but they don't get any pleasure themselves. But they'd rather play FIFA. So if a guy lost his bollocks, would that have the same effect? No.

That's what happens, isn't it? No, no, no. That's physical castration. Chemical castration's a different thing. You're using a lot smarter than I thought. Yeah. Maybe sound it. No.

So one of the punishments for serial rapists or paedophiles is... What did your dog do? What did he do? It's chemical gas station Leave Alfie alone Where they They put you in a bit

They inject you with stuff It's a good point It takes away your age to fuck Where's that? What country? What? Where's that? Wales

That's the reps That's the reps Three years in a game You know in 2020 One of us would have said Scotland there Not anymore And now when he's making a run

We're like Dwight Cohen and the York The slums of Wales man Wow That caught me off guard Hey it's the wild west out there Literally Have you been to Wales?

Twice Yeah it's a fucking terrifying place Where did you go? About 40 minutes away yeah don't know the name of the place it just had hills

and water that's Wales yeah I love how Ryan travels where you going on holiday about four hours away in the sand and sun you work it out because I don't

concentrate on details I don't fucking brilliant my girlfriend books everything oh nice nice to have a planner Nice to have a planner. Nice to have a planner. I'm not the planner.

I just turn up, make the mess. Do you act interested though? It's important to do that. What context is that? No, so if she's going, I'm going to plan this. Are you fucking with us? Are you giving me relationship advice here?

Yeah, I am. This is very important, Ryan. You've got to understand women, right? Women get pissed off at men. Full stop. For? Full stop? For not knowing where in Wales you went. Where are we?

You know, fucking hilly water place. You can't be ambivalent with a woman. They'd rather you say no and fuck off than just be like, I'll do it for you. They don't want you to do stuff because they want to do it. They want you to want to do it. It's a very different thing. So for example, how long have you been with your missus

two years have you ever been like picking pumpkins yeah right did you want to go no of course you didn't why would you want to do that

why would you want to go to a farm like where did you go Ryan a field yeah you went to a farm you did a farmer's job for them

and paid for the privilege like they're more expensive to go and get them off the ground than it is to go to Asda but girls love this sort of shit and they get really excited Mae'n ffordd i'w ddod i'r ffermwr a'u cyllid am y cyfrifoldeb. Maen nhw'n fwy achos i fynd i'r llawr i'w gael. Na'r ffordd i fynd i Asda. Ond mae'r gwirioneddol yn hoffi'r math hwn. Ac maen nhw'n cyffrous iawn. Mae'n dweud, o'r bwysig,

byddem yn mynd i bwycho pumkin ar ddydd. Byddwn yn fynd i'r ddydd. Byddwn yn mynd i'r ffermwr. Byddwn yn mynd i ffwrdd o'r llawr. Ac ni allwch chi ddim fynd i'r llawr. Os ydych chi eisiau, byddwch chi'n rhaid i chi... Mae'n debyg bod gennych chi brofiad gwych o bwycho pumkin. Nid oedd hynny'n brofiad gwirioneddol. And you can't just go, yeah, if you want, babe, you have to be like... Scared. Sound like you've had an amazing experience with pumpkin picking. Yeah.

That wasn't a real experience, was it? That wasn't a real experience. That was all... I was just hypothetical. I don't know what pumpkin is. I don't know if women do want you to go... Like for pumpkins. We're getting a pumpkin. You've got to match their energy, is what I'm saying.

And they're normally hysterical. Why didn't you just say that? He normally hysterical why didn't you just say that he hates women why didn't you just say that he hates pumpkins I don't hate women I fuck them all the time how can I be a misogynist

I love fucking women what's the word where you're in a relationship but you're bang with the women poly polyamory player

are you poly an affair cheating are you a bowler are you that What you doing with the women? Polly. Polly Amory. Player. Are you Polly Amory? An affair? Cheating? Are you, are you, are you that? I'm Bowler. Are you that? No. No.

I'm a loyal man. Are you? There's only so many pumpkins you can pick. Yeah. I like that. What I mean is, when they go, Ryan, we're going on an holiday. We've got, you know, New York or Prague. You, you, you can't go, I'm all arsed.

Who's paying for the holiday? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter to them? No, it does. It does. Because if they're paying, I'm like, oh my God, that fucking boss. No, no.

But if we're going like 75, 25, I'm like... Prague. Oh, you know. You need to go, no, I don't like Prague, actually New York, be assertive. If you say I'm all arsed, they're like, oh, well, fuck you,

we won't go anywhere, we'll go to fucking... Do you live with your missus yet? No. Oh, you're in for a world of pain, son. So here's what they'll do, right? Oh, don't. Fucking hell. We just turned into uncles at a barbecue.

All right, all right, all right. So you do know it's online? Never mind that. Have you been to Wales? Right, well, to answer your question about Wales, here's some unsolicited advice on relationships. Ignore this, by the way, because I got this.

It's great. No, no, no. I always be facetious with Carl. If you want the actual truth, and you can back me up on this. Go on. What they'll do is you'll be moving in. They'll be like, oh my God, do you know what?

We need plates. Right? And then you'll go plate shopping. And they'll be like, do you want this plate or this plate? And you are not allowed to go. I'm allowed. Either plate's fine, babe. Whichever plate you want.

That's my typical answer. Of course it is. You can't do it. You've got to be like, I want the orange ones. Put the fucking purple ones down now. No, what you do is, I want the orange ones.

And they go, oh, no, I like the purple ones. I feel like this would work. And what you do is you go, do you know what? Actually, the purple ones, you've played the fucking field. Yeah.

I like the orange ones. I think the purple ones are better. I just feel like you're intimidated by your women. And I've had a look properly and I know that they're the ones you want. Sorry played the fucking field yeah yeah i like the orange ones i think i just feel like you're not now that you've said that and i've had a look properly and i know that they're the ones you want sorry what right you're intimidated by your women i am yeah you should be intimidated by why they're terrifying are you old traditional new oh i mean different they're fucking terrifying before you've said it it's definitely new tradition they've got orange plates that's pretty fucking modern my girlfriend does

scare me like she reads my emotions well so if someone reads your emotions they're inconsolable women can look in your eyes and know that you're sad

it's not fun I feel like dad's trying to read you there I honestly I sometimes when Adam's sad

I just have no idea he comes in he's like I'm like fucking when Adam's sad, I just have no idea. He comes in, he's like, I'm like, fucking hell, he's happy. That's me though, I'm a man. I just can't read emotions. Is Adam weeping? Probably with joy.

I have this story to tell you. And ever since before I came on, I manifested that I was going to come on here. And now I'm here. So I've got the story. We've been talking about that early manifestation boards. Vision boards, sorry. I haven't got a vision board. I thought you had the vision board. I was going to come on here and now I'm here. So I've got the story. We've been talking about that early manifestation boards. Vision boards, sorry. I haven't got a vision board. I thought you had a vision board.

I was going to say a cock. No, no, no, no. So, no. I don't want a cock, do I? Number one was I want to be able to wheelie a motorbike by the end of the year.

Just picturing that kills me imagination. Number two, I want to be able to talk to dogs. Now, obviously, dogs can't talk to me. You've got to make it attainable. But I want to be able to talk to dogs. Now, obviously, dogs can't talk to me. You've got to make it attainable. But I want to be able to say

anything to a dog and have the dog be like... Give me a minute. Woof. Give me a minute to process number one and two. Yours is to get and have a word. So, one of my yearly goals

is to get on a big TV, film or podcast production. I'm sitting in it right now. Waller. There he is. Thank you for the only one clapping. Go fuck yourselves! I said Waller. I'll give you one of now. Wallop. There he is. Thank you for the only one clapping. Go fuck yourselves! I said Wallop. I gave you one of these. And I said Wallop.

I gave you the footballer whose mum's recently died celebration. That was my dog. That was my dog. That was for Alfie. He's shagging in heaven. The dog pedophile. That was for Alfie. But the story was, when I get a shower, I piss in the shower

And don't piss in the toilet Of course you do That's normal Is that normal? Yeah I get judged for it Like I piss in sinks Out the shower

I'm too tall to piss in sinks Why? So the splashback gets me I'm too tall to piss in sinks Sinks are like the perfect eye for me to piss in Every time I go for just a wee You do not Why is he judging? Why is he judging?

Why is he judging? Your toothpaste brush is there. It isn't. Is that like yours? The old toothpaste brush. Hang on. I piss so much in the shower that when I have a shower anywhere,

my body's like, cool, we know what time it is. It's just that time and you just let go. Of course you do. It goes out in the hole. It's so easy. You don't need to tell people that. They will assume that you piss in the shower.

Finn doesn't. Just assume. You can't assume. I don't like it. I just don't. I don't like it. I've dabbled. I've dabbled in the past.

Yeah, it's just not my thing. It does lead to harder things. Like pooing in the shower, yeah. Have you pooed in the shower? It's a gateway. I've had norovirus. I've had a shower after I've pooed somewhere that I didn't want to poo. I haven't pooed in the shower. No, pooed in the shower it's a gateway everyone I've had norovirus I've had a shower after I've pooed somewhere

that I didn't want to poo I haven't pooed in the shower no me neither I haven't been there that's the I think you're going a bit too far there Dan no I had norovirus

I didn't make a choice I was like I need a shit yeah the bath is actually further away I was in the shower feeling ill and I

I don't it's not even like you know when people go oh I shouldn't have trusted dodgy fart my bum just went like that I was ill was it like run even like, you know when people go, oh, I shouldn't have trusted Dodgy Fart. My bum just went, I like that. I was ill.

Was it like runny or was it like a big one? He's got a mouth on his bum as well. He's got, you know like Voldemort the back of like Criddle's head.

He's got it on his ass. What? Did you just poo in the shower? Just happened. Was it runny? As in like you carried on pooing?

I think I was, I literally sneezed and then it got out of hand. As in like you did a poo has anyone had norovirus yeah it just happens mate I'm not at that age yet

it's not how old are you 20 it's a child are you our youngest guest it's not an age it's not an age thing it's not like fucking dementia

so you sneeze and you shit yourself Dan's got old he's got norovirus what a fucking nasty bug I got from my kid it's like the menopause for women

Dan's got for the man no we've all got nice tight sphincters so when we sneeze nor a virus or not it's staying in it was your arsehole just like that Dan

yeah it's my age it's his arsehole just the Mersey tunnel it's all the rush you've had in your years of clubbing

all the what before it came out did you pay a ton of fee you've had rush haven't you the basil what Ian no basil you never had a ton of fee? You've had Rush, haven't you? The Basil. What, Ian? No, Basil.

You never had a bottle of Rush. Poppers. Oh, right. I wonder what I thought you were talking about. I thought you were talking about another name for Coke. You're on the fucking Rush. Is that after Ian Rush? You're on the Gary.

That's Gary Apple, isn't it? Speed. Speed is the content caterer that's doing well. I show Speed. What? I didn't know. I thought you were talking about cocaine. Is poppers called Rush? Yeah.

I thought, is that not a universal thing? There's a Rush that you get out, doesn't it? Your head gets hot and you can't explain it. And then you get a gaping eight. Oh, I know what that is now. As soon as your bum all wired there, I knew it. Yeah, your bum all gets wired,

wired and wired. Yeah. Like the Mersey Tunnel. The gays use it to bum each other. Oh yeah, I remember that remember that oh yeah that makes sense I think I learnt that in school yeah yeah

yeah I just started using it because I was old now you get to a certain age you get onset norovirus early onset

norovirus early onset norovirus if you're she's then shitting yourself there's something wrong with the elasticity of your arsehole

oh you call it you never call in question the alice my fucking arsehole it was norovirus no norovirus can't make you fucking it can really get you it went back to normal it all sprung back i wasn't the start of it because he's older now and it's not happening now. It would have got worse. When we're on the story of shit, have you ever been sick and shat yourself? At the same time?

At the same time. Do it twice. Right. I haven't been sick and shat myself at the same time, but I've been shitting and sick myself at the same time. Do you know what I mean? I've been having a pill and I've had the bucket. If you're sitting on the toilet like that,

how are you like... Like that. I'm more like this. And where we go? I'm like, poo comes out. I don't feel... What's your toilet look like? What do you mean? So, like, I'm tall.

Were you planking? He's 6'3", isn't he? So, look, let's pretend the mic's the bog. Right. That's a good idea, yeah. Oh, I see what you mean. And then I'm like... Yeah, yeah, I see what you mean. And it's like coming out. Yeah, yeah, so I was mic's the bog. Right. That's a good idea, yeah. Oh, I see what you mean. And then I'm like... Yeah, yeah, I see what you mean.

And it's like coming out. He's sick, Kieran. Yeah, so I was just doing the opposite. So I didn't know it was going to be sick. So for me, I knew the poo was coming. The sick was a surprise. For you, you knew the sick was coming. The poo was a surprise.

What I'm saying is I was your body projectile and I vomit from you shitting like that. Yeah, because I wasn't well. Were you ill or are you just getting old? Are you our youngest guest? How old are you, 20? 20, turning 21 in August. It's got to be our youngest guest, surely.

What are you going to do for your 21st? Have a weird Patreon special. Okay. You don't strike me as a big drinker. Done my first year when I was younger, and I don't sound stupid saying that. When you were younger yeah

back in the day back in the day yeah early noughties late nineties but I've just cancelled it out now do you not drink at all no

when was your last when was your last drink because I've recently found myself as well you post Guinness on your storybook every day no for the past eight days

he's changed is that counting yeah last time I had a drink was probably you could six to twelve months it's good that

just doesn't suit you I only do it on a when it's there's intention I don't drink just to drink it's not cool to just drink

it's got to be like a birthday party or someone celebrating or a Havoware Patreon special he's manifesting it. I will be in a Have A Word

Patreon special. Well, he was going to be in the FIFA tournament, but the FIFA tournament went in the bin because we had cancellations, but I think me and him are going to have a little game

after the record's done. I would single-handedly twat every single one of you at FIFA. You haven't got a fucking chance, lad. I promise you. Lad, I've got 12 more years in the game than you.

Yeah, what was your first FIFA? Like FIFA fucking 09. I would bum every single one What was your first FIFA like FIFA fucking 09 I would bum every single what was your first FIFA doesn't matter it does doesn't

FIFA 99 was mine FIFA 99 that just proves you're old FIFA 1 oh yeah you did FIFA 1 I played FIFA 1

FIFA 99 I was the game tester for FIFA 1 but are you still playing FIFA now what are you still playing FIFA now

me shit played it last night me did you yeah play fucking Pong what who's still playing FIFA now me shit played it last night me did you yeah play fucking pong when are you getting

your pension done soon if I could just sort my arse all out don't go all of that take my big flappy arse all the way go I need a bus pass

I feel like to involve you've got to speak about like old stuff the N64 it's going to piss me off yeah you know like you know old things, you know, old things. Sabrina the Teenage Witch.

You're literally double his age. Us two. You're looking good though, Dan. Cheers, mate. You're looking good. Thank you. There's that positivity. Yeah, he is positive.

You've sort of took over Instagram recently, haven't you? And TikTok. 61,000 on Instagram today. That's quite the milestone. It's impressive. You know, we're growing every day. Four million accounts reached. You know, I don't want to get all sloppy and cliche,

but you know I'm here to make an impact, a positive impact. Yeah. I'm not here today. What's inspired this sort of... Loads of things. Went through an hard time. Started a community, the Still Gang. What was the hard time you went through?

Tell us about that. Oh, it was heavy. And me just- What was the hard time you went through, Sal's brother? Oh, it was heavy. Was it? Girl problems, family members going to jail. Me being that lad, just like young, depressed on my own. Yeah. Just typical, I think every lad's been through it. No.

No, no. Adam, yeah. Finn's been through it. He was fucking sick from that one. You still going through it, Finn? I'm still there, mate. You still going through it? Yeah, man.

Finn's done time. Yeah, but I'm riding it. It was hard for me as well, because the war was on. fucking sick you still going through it yeah man watching your subtype before it was hard for me as well because the war was on rations the cops do you need this now that's Peter just need to talk to you more

it's making me feel better so what so you went through a tough time yeah and you found solace online basically which is where

a lot of people it's fucking melts their heads and they don't like social media can be quite a toxic thing can't it but you're you're using it the other way and the more i've continued to do content the more i've realized and i've aligned with my purpose which is to create a high quality impactful content day in day out to leave the biggest impact on my community that's what my purpose is and i say that every day when we're talking about manifestation before i say that affirmation every single day right to time because there's 33 more chance of it coming through if you write things down and i say it

out loud that's every day and so what are you doing content wise just for people who don't know you everything there's nothing i can't do you can send me anywhere and put a video a cameraman behind me now can you juggle while you're unicycling can i me. Can you juggle while you're unicycling? Can I do what? Can you juggle while you're unicycling? I can wheelie a motorbike. There you go. Oh, shit. I've got a mortgage that needs paying off.

I've got a mortgage that needs paying off. I've got a mortgage that needs paying off. I've got a mortgage that needs paying off. I can wheelie a motorbike. But I mean, I don't restrict myself. I am who I am and I just adapt to the environment. What do you want to do? What don't I want to do?

That's my question. No, his question was what do you want to do? Do you want to ask me what you don't want to do? Ask me that question. What don't i want to do that's my question no his question was what do you want to do do you want to ask me what you don't want to do ask me that question what don't i want to do assault children if it leaves a positive impact and maybe it's an advertisement yeah just beat up little cunts no no sure i elbow the kids and then i go don't do that because it's not good and that's the advert yeah see how you feel right now the advert what are you selling you're selling not to hit kids you're selling the hoodie

that he hit them in fuck off still dank mate buy this hoodie now he'd definitely do that now what do you want where do you see yourself at 30

what's the goal the long term goal your short term goal was to come on have a word you're here fucking done that been there done that sunshine what there, done that, sunshine.

What's the goal? Do you want to be the new Ant and Dec, but on your own? The goal is just to keep plowing, creating that positive impact. And I know it sounds cliche, but it's just like live. You know what I mean?

Don't stress about things. Don't stress about deadlines. Just live. Create content and keep doing what you're doing. Yeah. Because I am doing it and I'm getting more better at it

and I'm gaining more traction at it and I'm gaining more traction and it's just nice to see. I want a boat. That was a... I'm trying to represent my community. I'm trying to just give people an example to live up to, especially in Liverpool. I don't look 10 years ahead.

I don't look like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I want a boat. You need to look 10 years. Where do you want to be? Like, what are you doing it for? Fucking 20 car, let me live. No, you are living. You're living a good life. But I'm saying, do you want to be Like what are you doing If 4 Fucking 20 Carl Let me live No you are living You're living a good life But I'm saying You're going to be aiming

For something And then when you get it You're aiming for the next thing Oh to like goals Yeah Fucking hell Why didn't you just say that I did say watch your goal

My question was Watch your goal No he's got his own You're great at listening To questions You're a really good interviewer Carl asked you Where do you see yourself?

And you were like, do you mean where I want to see myself? And I asked you, what's your goal? And you went, I don't know, Adam. Carl said, what's your goal? You went, that's the one I can go for.

Or another question, what aren't your goals? Just, you go. Love you, Dan. Okay, my goals, simply retire my mum and dad. That's a great goal. Fantastic goal.

Retire my mum and dad. What do your mum and dad do? They're retired. My mum's always told me not to say the place she works because it's an absolute. Okay then what's her job? She's the head of Merseyside police. Is she a teacher? No it's just a. She's a civil servant? No I would never say it. What it's not retail it's what they do in the factories. Yeah yeah. Warehouse worker. Yeah. Warehouse worker. Dad's nhs blood courier used to be a full-time joiner yeah so that your goal is to make it so they don't have to work no more

not that they don't have to work to give them the option oh yeah because they must have might want to work yeah because if people who stop working when they're at a certain age die quick dan don't stop working thanks mate can you retire me you've retired yourself i don't know what i do with myself with retirement you know i think i'm gonna die still gigging like i think i'll be like 123 still doing shows 400 what you'll live till you're 400 would you want to die on stage like literally on stage like tommy cooper and ian cognito uh maybe yeah because then i think you're sort of immortalized aren't you you Like literally on stage, like Tommy Cooper and Ian Cognito? Maybe, yeah. Because then I think you're sort of immortalised, aren't you?

Who would you want to introduce you? What's it called? People who go on before you? On the show, I'm going to die. Yeah. The support act. The support act, yeah. Ooh, this is important

because you've got a lot of comedian friends. Lenny Henry. Not fucking Dan. He'd be well dead. What about Dan? I know, but he ruins my night doesn't he if he dies when I've been supporting

oh fair enough I'd go Lenny Henry I think we'll all be doing our job until we die we'll all do something it's mad like we

what is it we work to live well we live to work what way round do we do we're doing something that we do without money

like I would do stand up if it didn't pay yeah we live to work I would do content up if it didn't pay. Yeah, we live to it. I would do content if there was no money in it because I love creating a piece of art, which is content is making someone laugh and happy. And it's a good feeling. It may be a selfish feeling, but it's good.

It's happy. It leaves a positive impact. And you go on with your day and create another video. I think people retire from a job that they're only doing because it pays. That's what I mean, yeah. Like we'll never retire because what we do is our life

kind of totally so we used to do this podcast at the age of 70 imagine I think it's more it's only fucking two years for you Dan

honestly it's going to be a busy two years but I could see you I could see podcasting I think podcasting will suit getting older

more than stand up not that I'll ever give up stand up buting will suit getting older more than stand up not that I'll ever give up stand up but you will hit an age in your whatever age you get to and health kicks in where touring nationally

is going to get harder and harder admittedly like this is sort of looking into the future and thinking people are going to be more into podcasts

and content online people are like right now older people are like I watch the telly but when I'm 70 I watch the telly. But when I'm 70, I watch a podcast.

A lot of these people that watch Have A Word are going to be 60, 70. Yeah, I think with COVID, podcasts came in, hundreds of them, hundreds of them. And I think now they're starting to filter out

of actual podcasts that are enough for being podcasts. Well, yeah, there was a lot of people during COVID who were just bored and was like,

oh, me and my wife have a laugh. Yeah, let's film it let's film that uh we're talking about the right thing here yeah what do you mean oh no but there's people was trapped at home watching other people make content and themselves and went i feel like i've got to be doing something yeah which is fair and it just got a bit much and then people have written i think what also happened was like not to big ourselves too much but the success of this i think people went oh that's easy you just put two comedians in a room with a mic and then you end up with 22 000 patrons i think that's what people thought and then a lot

of people like it will start a podcast and then it just didn't quite take off and they got bored and threw it in a bit um and but there's still we're still very much in the podcast boom. There's still new ones starting all the time. And I think that will continue for a while. The bubble will burst, but then when the bubble bursts and loads of them just disappear. There'll be like five main ones. But it feels like a younger game at the moment.

But by the time I'm 70, so in 25, 30 years, older people will be listening to podcasts. Yeah. So even though like this seems because i don't want to quit stand-up and i but having just done a tour that's relatively small fucking how's it going yeah it was great but the bigger it takes it out here there's a lot of travel i can't see myself doing a 40-day tour i get that 70 75 whereas i can see myself going i've built

myself a studio i've got loads of mates who are comedians still, even younger comics coming through. I could almost see that being something that I did more than stand-up. I'm talking 20 years down the line. I don't know, that might seem mad because I love stand-up, but I think it would be easier to

do it as you got older. I might start crying. Is that an emotion one? Have you got a podcast? No. What you do, you stream, so that's essentially a live podcast. I don't really want to talk

about another podcast because I feel like it's rude to talk about another podcast on this podcast. Go for it. Well, I am starting my own podcast. Yeah, big yourself up.

And like, man, it's just going to be like, I want to attack you individually. Attack me? No, let's say Adam was a guest. I'd want to attack you individually. let's say no let's say adam was a guest i'd want to attack you individually i wouldn't want to you know get a co-host like you know um the diary of a ceo yeah like that kind of style but more lively and you know about not serious and like crying rather just be energy there's a couple of podcasts who were like oh i've got

a murder and he killed his whole family. Two hours? You're like, I can't watch that for two hours. I don't want to watch that, yeah. I just want to see the stars. Tell us what it was like to watch the life drain from your wife's eyes.

Or they get the actual murderer in. They do. They do. There's so many murderers on Insane Name. Oh, I knew there was a murderer. I knew it was like a whole fucking massive niche.

They're actually interviewing a murderer. Yeah. Do you think that's when you know your views have plummeted though? You're going to jails and asking for like the list of them. I don't think they do that. Can I have a list? I don't think he turns up there and he's like,

hello lads, everyone's saying no now, so could you just let us into solitary and I'll see who's available. See who's awake. Who just came off K-Wing. Charles Blomsonon just been denied release absolutely

he is so good first guest is mine's more of a sad we wouldn't get to see someone I know that's quite hard

in like the open business of what we all do to be fair but just ask questions no one would ask it's difficult though

to get someone to sit down and tell that you have to lose like it's what's life this is hard it ain't difficult exactly but You have to lose, like it's, what's life, this is hard.

This is hard. It ain't difficult. Exactly, but you need, it's a skill. It's going to be a challenge. These have learned the skill of this.

What's it like digging and get the information no one barely gets? Well, no, we don't really do that. We're just here to take the piss

and have a laugh. But like the skill of getting really detailed information about people's lives out of people who don't want to give you that is difficult and it's why, it's why of people who don't want to give you that is difficult. And it's why so many podcasts don't work.

Yeah, the detail matters. Yeah, you've got to be very, if you're doing a one-on-one, you've got to be quite selfless. You've got to make that person a focus. We get you on and we talk about you and your life and what you want to talk about. It's still our podcast.

We talk about ourselves. We've had guests in the past, we've talked about it before, who were like hey where's the attention on me you're like

that's not really what we do we are not an interview podcast we are a come and join us podcast yeah you said that to me didn't you come and be the fourth host fifth host sorry

can you what are you doing to Peter here I don't know if he's comfortable when I go to bed oh watch his head Peter does not like to use his head squashed thank you I go to bed. Oh, watch his head. Peter does not like to use his head squashed.

Thank you. I go to the side like that. You're going to get some negative comments. I sleep like that with a pillow between my legs. I can only sleep. I can only fall asleep

on my right side. You look like you're doing UFC with Peter the Snake. Look it, you've got him. I sleep in the sleeper between my legs. Can you just not hurt him, please? What's wrong with Peter?

You're going to get some negative comments. We'll go, what's Ryan doing to Peter? He's a beloved member of the cast. Sorry. Thank you. Is he the sixth Ryan doing to Peter? He's a beloved member of the cast. Sorry. Thank you.

Is he the sixth guest or sixth host? He's the half-awaited snake. Does all our adverts. Oh, he's having a fight with Wallace at the minute. Exactly. Isn't that mad? Joey's been talking to Wallace on Twitter, thinking it was me.

Yeah, Ryan's been... Have you been having fucking follow... That's the first serial killer I'm going to get on my podcast. Wallace? Whoever's in charge of that Wallace account. No, he's actually a sound lad, otherwise I wouldn't allow it. But like,

what's going on there? I'm messaging the account like, oh yeah, I'm doing this thing next month. Content wise, it's great and I'm thinking it's Carl and he's answering back like it's Carl

and then he tells me today it's not Carl. Wallace on Twitter is not me. I don't have the time. It's none of us. Do you only have a word account we control

or I have a word pod and our own profiles? Yeah. And by the way, I've spoken to the person who does word pod and our own profile. Everything else is someone else. I've spoken to the person who does run it and he's sound. If he wasn't, I wouldn't be okay with it. You should just have fake accounts made of you.

How much does it piss you off and what do you want to do to that person? Do you know what it is when someone makes a fake account to try and trick people with my name or the podcast's name? It's annoying when it's happening. You're like, what are you doing, lad?

Be grateful. But then we've had a couple of messages. I've had a couple of messages going, lad, they fucking got me, didn't they? He messaged me offering me crypto and I've given him 200 quid. Do you know if that's you? Like, you deserve to lose 200 pounds.

That is a 200 pound stupidity, Zach. What are you doing? Who's thinking their favorite podcast is making a new profile to go alright lads just let you know who the fuck thinks

Adam Rose gonna message you about crypto exactly from his brand new I set up a new one for this don't wanna

get me inboxes overflowing you know what I mean so new profile here gives 200 quid you'll have 10 grand back next week blocked

has someone actually sent money I hope not people said they got me the other night. Oh my God, you deserve it. I'm happy for you. I'm glad it happened.

Yeah, we're not trying to sell you things like crypto. Sneak, though. Use code WORD10. What flavour is that then? This is a strawberry and it's one of these. Strawberry nightmare. It's a strawberry nightmare flavour. It's a strawberry flavour. Do you go to sleep? And you think all your family are these. Strawberry nightmare. It's a strawberry nightmare flavour. It's a strawberry flavour.

Do you go to sleep? And you can call your family a dead strawberry watermelon. Surely you need like a Dan Nightingale flavour at some point. Yeah, like PewDiePie. It's got to be in the line. It's got to be in the line. It's got to be in the line. It's got to be in the line.

It's got to be in the line. Yeah, that's what I'm working for. That's on my vision board. You'd attract a lot of over 40s if you did that. It'd be great for the platform. He's going to punch your head. No, I'm not. I just appreciate not being 68. It's not a bad idea, you know. That'd be great as the platform. He's going to punch your head. No, I'm not. I just appreciate not being 68.

It's not a bad idea, you know. That'd be great as a reach to the brand, you know. I'm getting there. Yeah. I'm always thinking of ways to expand the brand. I'm always thinking of ways to expand the brand, but these guys, you know, they don't share me vision. I've wanted to, you know, do different things.

I think we should do our own drink. You know, you look at KSI and Logan Paul, absolutely killing it with pride. What would you call Paul absolutely killing it what would you call it though what would you call it go on give me a name 3, 2, 1 jizz the Hathaway bevy

are you more fucking into it jizz oh you go to a bar let's picture it piss I call him that Fanta

I go to a bar Dan's the waiter or whatever you want to call him yeah and I say can I have a Hathaway bevy a Hathaway bevy I'd be like shut up dickhead? A have a word bevy?

I'd be like, shut up dickhead, go and have a word in the corner with yourself. It's G-H-I-Z-Z. G-H-I-Z-Z. Giz. Can I have a pint of giz? Can I have a bottle of giz?

In real it'd be giz. Can I have a giz top? Can I gin and giz? When you get sued by gin. I'm going to the pub for some giz. Yeah. I'd be proud to drink that.

Exactly. Don't you have to do it? Prime was KSI. I'm going to the pub for some jizz yeah I'd be proud to drink that exactly don't you have to do it Prime was KSI and Logan Paul and Logan Paul wasn't it so who are we

matching up with no you're doing each other no me and you collab together yeah jizz I think we get Ryan in he's got the ute

hasn't he would you sell our jizz Ryan sorry what would you sell our jizz no comment well we can't mix it with your branding can we because if we have jizz and then we just call it our jizz, Ryan? Sorry, what? Would you sell our jizz? No comment. Well, we can't mix it with your branding, can we?

Because if we have jizz and then we just call it still jizz, it's like, good, I don't want fizzy jizz, do I? Jizz gang. Jizz gang. Still jizz? That's what it is? It's a still drink? Yeah.

Even imagine that, just clumps of white jizz in the cup. Fizzy jizz, that'd be the good one. Just to clear it up, it's not actual jizz. Of course, yeah, but it'd be... Our selling brand would be to build it like jizz that'd be the good one just to clear it up it's not actual jizz of course yeah but it'd be our selling brand would be to build it like jizz yeah come on surely

bottles in the shape of a car aye mate what jizz have you got oh pineapple jizz got lemon it's going for a tenner a bottle

that shop on a bowl see where I got that fizzy drink £10 a bottle of plan wakey wines well

fuck him I ate him like 50-50 toy wines wow fuck him I ate him like 50 50 to like 250 quid a bottle a package I fucking ate him so he's selling packages of plan

yeah yeah yeah what I still but I don't get why he's like yeah she's come from fucking Eastbourne to wakey wines why are they going

what's what's the thing can you do the wakey wines all right hiya I think we should do it and he's doing something on the side alright oh yeah I think we should do it and he's definitely

got them lying hasn't he because he does and he goes right what have you got and they go there's one I seen you today

and the fella looks like he's in a fucking Al Qaeda hostage video he's like what have you got there and he's like a bottle of prime

and he goes how much have you spent he goes £100 and then he goes of Prime. And he goes, how much have you spent? He goes, £100. And then he goes, bingo, bingo. He goes, garla bingo.

Hang on, anyone that goes in and they just go, what did you get? And they're just like, I just came for the day. Nah, I think he asked them. I think it's planned.

Right, all right. Did you see the woman where he said, what do you want? And she went, really? As if there was something else going on

and you went, no, no, no, the if there was something else going on and you went, no, no, no. He's done time with selling Class A's, hasn't he? Yeah, he got raided for heroin. Oh, right.

All right, so. But he got a letter off the police saying like, this is the past me, I'm a new me. Yeah. Yeah. That's what the police said.

That's how. You sold smack, but that's the past me. I'm a new me. Yeah. If you're a heroin dealer, just get an Instagram account. He did put the letter on his socials.

I've seen it. He's doing club appearances now. Waiting till he's selling juice. Of course he is. Like, we're slacking. We need to be in club appearances. I'm doing club appearances. Are you?

I'm always in Pop World, me lad. I mean, all joking aside, they'd love it when he turns up. Do you say enough to Pop World? I can't remember the last time I went out yeah I can't either actually Tuesday

Sunday wait until Jizz takes off they're all about it we're going to have some Jizz for Christmas after this episode

there's going to be like people are going to be commenting like we want that Jizz yeah yeah just comment we want Jizz wait till Wakey Wines

comes hey she's come all the way from it from jizz still jizz off is he g-h-i-z-z yeah still whiz what's that oh fuck that's like whiz like the drug in it yeah i was thinking i have a way that won't work that still whiz he's had trouble with that before they've come for whiz a little bit of crack. Still Wiz. He's a bad gobshite. Bad gobshite. I just don't get the whole videos.

To be fair, he's made a name of himself because we're talking about him. To be fair, he's fucking cracked it. You might hate him. He's done great. You respect the business side, but you don't get the concept. Yeah, he's just a fucking clown. It's for knobheads. Jovetta came in and went,

Dan, or Dad, she'd call you. If she came in and went, Dan, why are you being an eggy bitch? Go on.

I'm just saying that to you, you fucking sick little child. Dan, why are you being an eggy bitch? When Jack still calls Laura, Laura, it's still the funniest thing ever.

Laura! Like he hates her. She comes in from school and goes right Dan kicks the door open right Dad she kicks the door open

yeah right first problem go she can call me whatever she wants she's about to get fucked she's wearing a JLS 2010 top she can call you whatever alright

so she can call you whatever she wants so she kicks the door open and she goes oh yo pussy yo Dad yeah or like yo bumlik lad Yeah so she goes

Ey yo pussyhole She's been watching She's been watching the podcast 100 pound Gimme now Has she got that really From Wakey Wines Alright Wakey Wines here

We've got a six year old From Jester What's happening pussyhole She's fucking mad this one And Dad's 68 What have you come for? No she comes in and goes I want a bottle of Prime

Dad I've been left out of school For 100 quid Would you get her? I just go to the place around the corner That does it for a tenner Does what? She wants ten bottles I've got a bottle of Prime

I bought a bottle of Prime You're hiding away from the fact You wouldn't buy your fucking daughter No you shouldn't You shouldn't be spending 100 pounds On a bottle of Prime I bought a bottle of Prime to go you're harding away from the fact you wouldn't buy your fucking daughter no you shouldn't you shouldn't be spending £100 on a bottle for your kid your kid's a fucking lizard

especially if it's available for £10 wait a minute you've just called this kid a lizard I've got £100 £100 oh my god

you can get it for £10 you can get it for £250 I'd call her a fucking lizard she bangs the door down and goes Dan get us a bottle of Prime, you fucking bumber clad.

Are you a Rastafari scouter? I've got shock ice as well. It's a tenner for a bottle of Prime. Okay, even that then? I want three bottles for school. Are you going to buy any? No. Good.

Of course not. You're part of the problem. Kids, parents get the problem. You're part of the problem. You're part of the problem. Wait, have you got kids? Do you think I've got kids?

Have you got kids? No. You haven't had your Adam? I haven't got kids. you got kids no you haven't have you Adam Finn got kids you're the only one you're the only one with kids I'm the only one that's bought Prime if everyone's opinion here

doesn't matter until you've got a kid no it does I'm saying if your child if you're willing to spend a hundred pound on a bottle

you're ruining your kid where is it a hundred quid where he wines it isn't how is it it isn't at one point it was that's with jellies with jellies she wants jellies as well pussy up give me jellies public lad i'll

let laura deal with it i've ruined her arm lock be fucking brilliant okay what if she comes home and goes i want an iphone for christmas uh she's not having a phone until high school. Nah, man's a pussy, why don't you get me a phone, yeah? Bro, I'll fucking drop you, bro. I've got one anyway, yeah? I'll take your phone, pussy old Daniel. What age aren't you giving your... What age? She's six, yeah. What?

What age are you giving your daughter a phone? Ideally 28, but it's not going to work out like that. She'll have an old one. I'm going to get her a job in Wakey Wines. 11, 12, I don't know. That's early, isn't it? That's early.

No, I don't. That's early. It is big school. I had a phone when I was 10. I thought it was 12. Yeah, I was going to high school. Wait a minute, wait a minute. 11, 12, big school.

Oh, is it? I thought it was 12. No, I thought everybody said 11. No, you're 11. You turn 12 in year seven, don't you? Right, okay. So that's why I'm saying first, this is the thing.

If you go to a big school and then every kid's got a phone, I don't want it to be fucking, you know, tweeting at eight. Did you come home and do the pussy hole show? What age were you, Ryan?

When I had the phone? Yeah. I had like a Blackberry and everything. At what age? I don't know. Less than 12. Less than 10?

Yeah, well, Blackberry was when we were like 13, 14. When I was phones, though. 11 years younger than us. Oh my God, you're 11 years younger 13, 14 when I was phones though 11 years younger than us oh my god you're 11 years younger than us when I was phones

21 years younger than us that's old news they didn't have the power they have now literally you go on an iPhone you can watch porn you can speak to a man

in fucking Lisbon whatever two reasons why Etta's not got one one you can watch the other way a podcast

three you're on the phone to Lisbon again you've literally three reasons why my daughter's you on the phone to Lisbon again? You've literally three reasons why my daughter's not on the phone. There's a lot of predators. Where is he? Lisbon.

Four. You know what I mean? Like, Blackberries didn't have that. They just had that game you could play. You couldn't speak to Lisbon on Blackberries. Yeah, they just had Snake and now iPhones. You can do anything.

I think I'm just going to air tag them and then not give them phones. That's, I think, the future. Just so air tags into the fucking... You could be a serial killer. I'm just going to air tag them and then not give them phones that's I think the future just so air tags into the fucking you could be a serial killer I'm just a concerned parent just stick an air tag in

and then oh we've lost can a serial killer air tag someone air tag them without telling them yeah so you're just going to

watch every move they do that's not a serial killer that's a stalker so the killer you get violent crimes the killer can get so close to them that he can sew in an air tag

to a hoodie and then go, ah, they didn't know. Now I'm going to know where they are to kill him. What if they put it in the backpack? And just as they put, the needle and thread away go, do you know what? I should have just fucking killed them, didn't you know?

I've wasted, I should have cut out the middle. There's my first guest in my podcast. Who? The serial killer, Dan. The airdrop killer. I'm just saying, you know, you're right. Phones is dangerous for children. Phones is dangerous.

Spitting truths. Right, one, she doesn't call me Bumba Clark. And two, she's not got a phone. You're part of the problem. What I've taken from this is, stop buying her 100 pound bottles of Prime and giving her fucking Blackberries. Talking to some guy in fucking Lisbon,

which is, by the way, what all kids with phones do. Are you on the phones of some cunts in Lisbon? No, Dad. I mean, kids aren't knocking around with enough money to buy Prime, so it's the parents' fault the prices are these bad.

Amen to that. These bad. These bad. These nuts. Are you all right? Carl's knackered, you know. He's bad. Amen to that. He's bad. He's bad. He's nuts. You are right. Carl's knackered, you know. He is fucking duced. I'm just saying,

stop buying Prime until it goes down to a normal price. I saw it for £2.50 yesterday. Get in there. Then get 10 bottles. If you clip that up, stop buying Prime,

you'll get a response from KSI and Uncle Paul. Listen, KSI, you fucking maggot. Don't buy Prime. Get the gloves on, you fucking maggie. Don't buy pram. Get the gloves on, you fucking tit. Buy stillgers.

I'd give my child a phone sort of as soon as they were old enough to use one. Why? So that I could ring them. Where's Harvey? But like a,

where's Harvey? Right there. Your child just didn't die on its own seven years of age Dan's got a question where do you need

why does a three year old need a phone what they wouldn't be able to use it at three seven they absolutely would yeah

would they yeah of course they can do they're constant yeah Jack's better than Dan on the iPod okay

so whenever they start going out playing with their friends without me Hey you fucking Your chicken dippers are done No you come downstairs I'm on the couch Oh you fucking I don't know Get on me

Get out the fucking swimming pool My whole Lisbon's on the phone Hang on It's engaged You talked to Lisbon's on the phone. Hang on. It's engaged. You talked to Lisbon again. Put it down. He's lying. I've never should have said Lisbon.

I could have said Wales. I'm saying be careful with crime and phones with children. Okay. I just think the earlier you get introduced to the world, the better. Give your child a phone. Let them discover who they are. I might assign them 21. You know, they'll be ready for marriage to the world, the better. Give your child a phone, let them discover who they are. Okay, so you're taking the realism route?

I might assign them to 21. You know, don't be ready for marriage. You're taking the realism. Okay. You don't want to hide stuff away from your kids, so when they're 18, you get it in their face, and it's like, fuck.

Yeah. So you punch them? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a great theory, kids. Show them everything. You know, people die in terrorist attacks, and that's why I'm showing you these videos at four years old.

Let's get it out of the way. Stop crying. And now you know. Let's get it out of the way. Stop crying. And now you know. What's a dirty bomb? I don't know what that is. What is that? It's Adam in a lift. A dirty bomb is a nuclear weapon.

Oh, is it? It's like what happened to Hiroshima and Chernobyl. Oh. No. No. Chernobyl wasn't a dirty bomb. Nagasaki. Yeah, that's what it meant. Chernobyl was Oh. No. No. Chernobyl wasn't a dirty bomb. Nagasaki. Yeah, that's what I meant.

Chernobyl was a Nagasaki. Do you think Russia's going to use any dirty bombs? What? Russia? Yeah, they've got them. Definitely use them. I think maybe if Putin becomes like a wounded animal, what's the matter with you?

Yeah. I don't think the Americans dropped dirty bombs on Japan. What are you talking about it's a dirty bomb it's dirty play innit it sounds like someone's trying to describe the end of the second world war but like as a child that was a dirty bomb

and it went big bangy everywhere Hiroshima was a dirty bomb it was a nuclear warhead it was an atomic bomb dirty bomb's a smaller version of that a dirty bomb is not the same as an atomic bomb. Dirty bomb's a smaller version of that. Dirty bomb's like a radioactive bomb. When you throw a stink bomb. A dirty bomb is not the same as an atomic bomb.

Oh. By jizz. Oh, okay. Jizz bomb! You learn something every day. We just go to parties and throw a load of jizz everywhere. No, that's when you put it with Red Bull. Jizz bomb.

Can I have two jizz bombs, please? Only when you're in Lisbon. Or what about jizz bomb like an espresso, like a dead quick shot, but it's real Jizz. Oh. And it's like, oh my God. In your head, is this drink just Jizz? That's the selling point.

You've got to brand it. You're fucking helping. No, no, it's just called Jizz. But you've got to brand it like it's real Jizz because that'll make it cool. It's mango and pineapple and everyone's having a nice time. It's a lovely mango and pineapple flavor. Maybe it can be white.

You've got to brand it like it's jizz. I think I'd be thinking of cum too much. Exactly. Yeah, with a drink called jizz. It's jizz with a J. You've got to be careful for that. Lads, just a few reservations about the new launch. I think people are going to be thinking about cum

as a big bottle of jizz. What makes you think that? I think the colour. He's brilliant at what he does, you know. Don't suck the cock yourself. Anyway, sneak. I've started giving this

to kids, you know, for kids because they're going to be using caffeinated beverages one day. I want to get them ready for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I actually do stand by that. Jack's already had a heart attack. You stand by giving everything to your kid as early as possible. Just, you know, let them discover the world on their own terms. That scares me.

On their own quad bike. That scares me. I always say. That's Adam's old saying. Let them discover the world on their own Kawasaki 125cc. The children are the future. Yeah, not if they have a Kawasaki 125cc. If my kid learns how to wheelie a motorbike before either,

he's getting put up for adoption. Cheers. Okay. yeah not if they have a car if my kid lands on a wheelie or owns a bike before either he's getting put up for adoption cheers okay you'll have a kid what are you naming it Vinnie what are you naming it don't get distracted pipey

I haven't got children's name in mind it was hard enough naming Wallace Vinnie and Eliza for the girl yeah if we have another

DeAndre I like it what age do you have that talk when you're pregnant boy or girl like where like you have the talk

and it's like alright you're at that age now when am I going to tell you your name well you're just fucking one what having kids no so like

I don't know when you get to the age of like a teenager you're like you're at that age now you know you're going to go to parties and boys are going to throw it're at that age now you know you're going to go to parties and boys are going to

throw it on you or the way round you're going to go to parties and girls are going to put it on you when are you going to have that talk in and around 14

I think 13, 14 I think are you going to start having a chat are you going to do it no I 14 yeah

like genuinely I'm not just saying this to be funny and disgusting but like girls that went to Broughton Hall, if their dad's way to deliver 14 to have that talk, they were long past being fingered by the time they had a chat. Oh, I don't want this conversation

anymore. What about Jack then? No, I mean genuinely you've got to, when are they going out? When are they going to parties and stuff? 12, 13, 14. I think Laura's going to be pretty honest. Your kids go on a party at 12? Parties? You know what I mean?

Yeah, not Project X, but like, you do have to- We went to Friends, you were like 12, didn't we? But Adam's got a point. Also, you've got to know your kid. Because some kids are like, la, la, la, la, la. They're in their own world. I hope you know your kid. I think there's other kids where you're like,

we need to have this fucking chat, so. Oh, you're saying if it's a bit advanced for its age, it's like- I know. Don't be the parent who's like, listen, you're like we need to have this fucking chat so oh you're saying if it's a bit advanced for its age it's like don't be the parent who's like listen you're 18 now and it's about time

we had a conversation yeah I get that but at the same time at seven you don't have to be like listen this is what a condom is and be smart

so you've got to you have got to judge it right in the middle and to age this is probably right yeah this is what a condom is and be smart

so revise and then use these yeah dropping Jack off at nursery erm I don't know 12, 13

14 I don't know that's on the child yeah that could be a little like I don't know yeah introvert

who's not really going out I think we need to do Nashville 2 in and around the time that that chat's happening I'd be happily away for a patron special for that chat. I thought you were saying you wanted to film that chat. No, no.

In Nashville. We're going to Tennessee. Great, in a cowboy hat and let's go. What about Jack? Will you ever have that chat with Jack? I think I did on the Amsterdam special, didn't I? No, that was saying don't sleep at sex workers. And do magic mushrooms. I'm a great parent. It's different man to son to man to daughter, didn't I? No, that was saying don't sleep at sex workers. And do magic mushrooms.

I'm a great parent. It's different man to son to man to daughter, don't you know what I mean? Is that what I'm saying? Like, man to daughter is like, look, be careful. There's a lot of people out there who, you know, like, some of them are going to really like you, but some men are dangerous and they're awful.

And like, with your son, it's like, you know, get as much pussy as you can. High five. Did any of yous get the chat? Nope. My mum tried to have it with me while I was in the bath and I said no

at what age were you maybe 11 12 fucking hell get out the bathroom she knocked on

the bathroom door and I went Adam can we talk about your cock that's not how you open

that wasn't an intro actually she said we're talking about it I want to see it

she was like can I come in and I was like yeah I was in the bath loads of bubbles she couldn't not how you open that wasn't an intro actually she said we're talking about it i want to see it she was like can i come in and i was like yeah um i was in the bath loads of bubbles she couldn't see me balls um and she went look she went because i hadn't seen my dad for like a couple of months because like they'd fell out and like it was a the only time in my life where i didn't see my dad for like three months and she was like uh normally it'd be your dad who has this type of chat with you but you know you're getting to an age where and i'm like mom can i just slap you and she was like normally it'd be your dad who has this type of chat with you but you know you get into an age where mum can I just slap you

and she went yeah what's up I went just let's not just leave me alone you're in the bath girl what the fuck I'm trying to wank you

mum get out mate that's such great presence of mine at 12 mum that's a red walk off walk it off did you know

did you know about Willie's at that age I don't know that he shagged what are you yes he's joking I don't know that he put seven numbers on the board Did you know about Willy's at that age? I've already shagged. What? Yes, he's joking. I've already put seven numbers on the board, so... I think everyone does. It's a busy night.

You've only done six your whole life. Everyone secretly does. What? When I was a young age, I... No, not done stuff. I mean, I knew. You knew what? Oh, yeah.

No, you're late. Scouts lads know. When I was getting into secondary school, I was on the ball. Yeah. Knew whatever. It was like pussy, vagina. I, you're late. Scouts lads. When I entered secondary school, I was like, I was on the ball. Yeah. Knew whatever. Everyone was like, pussy, vagina.

I knew everything. Yeah. That's a pussy. That's a vagina. Do you know the chat is... Not fooling me. People get them mixed up. That's healthy.

That's not. The chat is more of a like, listen, be aware of the realities and there's risks in it. It's never really a chat though. It's not like, the willy is this.

And like, I think by that age, they do know. You just want to sort of a sort of just to check in and go do you know there's consequences to these fucking things and be smart is really the chat in it yeah it's not like you're gonna get feelings and then gonna they do that in school they do the basics in school oh god it was so cringy if you're in your seven going this is the willy the kids kid's finished anyway. I think Mr. Edwards put a condom on a fuck at the end of a broom.

Oh my God. Oh God. He had a proper penis. You had what? What? You had a school dildo? What? No.

So a sex education came in, brought an actual penis, and done it in front of us. A dildo or a penis? Hang on. Did he chop it off someone? I don't know. It looked really real

did the person get his dick out are you alright is this a sex ed just here's what you want to do

first of all fluff yourself up a bit there you go this is definitely a catholic school you put it on like that and then fuck yeah that was it

put your hand up nah it looked really real looked really real it It looked really real. It was a dildo. He brought it in, got the condom and was like, you want to put the blue,

where the air is, you want to put that at the top and then you want to roll it down smoothly. In our school, they brought two rats in and they fucked and they were like, they're so into it.

They put a little condom on them rats. They didn't put a condom on it, but that is what they actually did. That just reminds me of Wallace, you know. They brought two rats in heat and then they went at it and they were like, this is in school. Just like a little rat.

You know, this is why you're going to want to do it. Less of the nibbling and make sure your tail's out of the way. And that's sex. Five of you will go on to be murderers and this is probably why. Rats do fuck missionary though. is probably why rats do fuck missionary though what rats do missionary yeah really how do dogs do it on the back doggy

that's missionary they do it ratty listen this is a sex ed right now for me yeah you're a youth you haven't seen a person i'm learning like i thought a dirty bomb was like shitting yourself or something yeah that's what happened in nagasaki that's a dirty bum was like shitting yourself or something. Yeah, that's what happened in Nagasaki. That's a dirty bum? No, I swear to God. That's what I had, norovirus in India.

I thought you were going to say it was some sex education, like a dirty bum was like, everyone just shits on each other. That's the norovirus kid. One day. I still get like, sort of,

I think about that rat thing about once every six weeks. Once every six wangs? I was going to say. It's so fucking ridiculous. Was that Mr. Hughes? Yeah. Mr. Huge, we called him.

He's definitely in prison. He's a big guy. Is there anything in that drink? Sneak? I'm convinced there's nothing in it. There's a prototype of jizz. I think he's just doing it to get it in. It's just like...

Yeah, he's got it. He's getting paid to. Yeah, nice. Yeah, we watch Rats Fuck. Have you actually seen a Rat Fuck or are you just guessing? That was one of our sex education lessons. Live?

Live or like... No, it was on a full-on video. What's that? Rats in a glass box. Is that bullshit, Bill? Children in clothes. But how do they make them fuck? They just put them in a box.

Rats aren't like pandas. They don't need much encouragement. They didn't cook them a meal. Yeah, I didn't know. A little candle. No, he literally wanked one of them off a little bit. Alright, okay. Yeah, he wanked me out.

I've got kids. He wanks him off with his mouth I'm going to show you two rats having sex but I just need to suck them off a bit and finger there

just to get them ready just come here there yous go little cheese there for afterwards that's a mouse that's a normal thing for humans as well

by the way cheese after sex sounds great you need to just have on this before me what? That's a mouse. That's a normal thing for humans as well, by the way. Cheese after sex. Sounds great. Who did you have on this before me? What? Smells a bit like them. Probably just smells like everyone who's ever spoken to her.

Who did you have on? Maurice Galman. Go for the audio listeners, though. Smells a bit like a... He's a snorting guest. Smells a bit. Cheers. I'm one of them who, like, everyone has that sense that they, audio listeners that smell smells a bit like a snorting guest smells a bit cheers i'm one of them who like everyone has

that sense that the you know mandatory and man smell you're a smell guy yeah what do you use eyes what the fuck's that

i use them all the time see what the fuck's that i meant what are you doing with that like looking fuck off Carl I'm like smelling

like I pick up smell I'm like a sniffer dog yeah he sees things he's like takes it I know what you mean I hear more than Laura

like I will we'll literally be in a restaurant I'm like have you heard this conversation I've got to set it oh my god Laura's like what

what's going on I'm like how are you not hearing that fucking table chat shit she's completely not there I hear I don't know if that's a specialty

or because it decides my ears but I can hear other conversations so you're just you've just got heightened senses all around it's not just the no I specify

in the smell I'm on but you've also got superhero human hearing superhero it's not superhero it's just you're just deformed

it's not it's what is it's just you're just deformed it's not it's it's um what is it uh i can't think of the word it's the same what are you trying to call me and then no you've got like a superhuman pedantry to it so you're sitting there like oh my god can you hear that i'm like i i can't i can turn it off i think it might be a comic thing where you're just a bit more perceptive or something. I don't know I'm like that with taste if someone's cooking a curry anywhere in a three mile radius I can tell you exactly what they're putting in Tasty earth Fucking cumin

Downwind Seaforth 42 Argyle Street Wales That's too much cumin Dickheads I'll close the window Adam's got taste I've got smell I think that's too much cumin. Dickheads. I'll close the window.

Adam's got taste. I've got smell. You've got... I've got all of them. You've got eyes. I've got six senses. What's Finn? You've got six senses. He can see dead people.

He can see dead people. Take a photo. What's just happened right there? I thought the same thing for the last 45 minutes. Can you take a photo of this? We are going to do some underrated, overrated.

Just literally. Whatever you think. Just, but let's do... Your own opinion. Should we try and get a bit of a speed round going? Underrated, or underrated, we're underrated.

We're hitting your wife with a shovel. Jamie Smith has got a few. Going commando, underrated, overrated. Oh, overrated. Terrible idea. No, I don't mind it. Underrated. Depends what I'm wearing though.

Underrated. Sleeping commando. No, sleeping bollock. That's not commando. Commando is having pants on, but no undies. Oh, over braces. Oh, man. On holiday,

I do not wear underwear. I mean, obviously, if I'm not in New York, I mean, if I'm on a beach... Define a holiday. That's what I'm saying. A beach holiday. So when we're in Nashville,

you're not going to be wearing any pants? No, it's not holiday. I'm talking beach holiday. Why is Nashville not a holiday? Beach. Beach. What you mean is, when you're wearing swimming shorts,

you don't wear underpants. In Amsterdam, you never wore... Not a beach. That night, when I go to the club or for the skid on with me bad i've got shorts so when you're having that deep conversation in amsterdam with one of the lads if you're in spain in the night yeah under your shorts i've got no undies yeah what if you wear jeans what if you wear jeans if you wear jeans and all the in spain someone needs to blow your head if you wear jeans and don't have any

underpants on that is I'm telling you not only can make me go commando like my cock is a gentle soul and it needs the soft

surroundings of underpants it can't be rubbing it up against the abrasive surfaces of jeans or socks but wear jeans then wear shorts

what about my jean shorts wear netted shorts your bollocks protected the net if it gets wet it rubs against your skin. I think what you're describing is not going commando. I think it's just wearing swimming shorts. I think you just want to be different.

He's not talking about swimming shorts. He's just talking about shorts. If he's got his jorts on. There's a couple of times I've worn no bills in here. What? Are you wearing no bills now? I've got them on now. Prove it.

Yeah, all right. Four. I think it's overrated, mate. I'm going, I've got them on now. Prove it. Yeah, all right. Four. I think it's overrated, mate. I'm going... I'm pretty strong on this. What happened to the quick response? We never managed that, mate. Jamie Smith also says,

supermarket meal deals overrated? Underrated. I think they're overrated. What are you fucking on about, you stupid cunt? Fuck it. Overrated. Literally, all it's for is ease.

It's ease. They're never good. It's three quid for a sandwich. It's not three, no. It's three fifty, no. It is if you've got a club card. Fucking wise up, sunshine. I have a club card.

Well, then use it. But not everyone has. He's too busy. Get a free club card. Get his cock out. Three pound, a Bussy Crisp and a Lucas Aid. Lucas Aid's in a normal shop now. You're looking at one pound twenty, one pound thirty. Pack of a Crisp now you're looking at £1.20 £1.30

packet of crisp you're looking at quid aren't you for a packet of crisp wait and see if you can get your

juice included with it by the way the people who go I get the most expensive drink to fuck them

you don't want that drink do you get the drink you want I used to be like that but I've matured

now I get the smoothie because that's £2 and I'm fucking Tesco drink you want not the drink that you got that's what they say I get the smoothie because that's two pounds and I'm fucking Tesco you don't want it though do you yeah underrated overrated

last one from Jamie Smith pick and mix underrated it's got to be a good one from a good shop though because if it's shit fuck it off but have you noticed now

it feels like the same company and I think it's Candy King are running a lot of the pick and mix and I'm throwing it out there that Candy King is not the best at the pick and mix and I'm throwing it out there that Candy King is not the best of the pick and mix they're at the

cinemas and they're at the WH Smith it's not the best but it's not bad either the best one is the corner shop

with the plastic tubs with the haribo you've got the little oh they have them in New Brighton

we went the other day the frogs toffee bonbons the frogs they're not white bellied they're yellow

little cowardly frogs. Yeah. I've said it before, I'll say it again. Independently owned Asian news agents are always the fucking best when it comes to wakey wines.

That Pepsi Cola with sour cherry is the nicest drink I've ever had the privilege of having in my face. What shop's that on Bold Street? Who went there? I literally stood there

and went, that is the best selection. I had another one of them last night. I had two. There's a new one at the privilege of having it in my face. What shop's that on Bold Street? You went there the other day? I literally stood there and went, that is the best selection. I had another one of them last night. I had two. There's a new one at the bottom of Seal Street, just like a convenience store. What a fucking range of beverages they've got. Oh yeah, I've seen that shop.

When we say beverages, are we talking alcohol? No, no, like pop, soda, pop, soft drink. I feel like everywhere in the UK that has beverages that you can't get somewhere else, they just overprice them. So you just make it, don't want to buy them. Yeah, I know what you mean. Not to be a minjbag, but it's like,

I'd get a bottle of water instead of paying six quid for the same fucking... They all do a service. They all do the same service. Like the American Dr. Pepper Cherry or whatever. You've got a candy shop in town. I'm selling picker mixes for £4.50. Chris says, underrated, overrated, barbecues. I love a barbecue,

but I think they're overrated. I think people's idea of a barbecue, like, oh, we'll have a barbecue on Sunday. Let's have a barbecue. People go fucking ballistic for a barbecue. The best thing to do is go to someone else's barbecue. No, I like being the guy, me. Oh, do you?

Oh, I hate being the guy. I hate the guy. I can cook. I hate the guy. He hates the guy. No, I like to go, have to clean up, have to set up,

get the caligas. Without the gas, where'd you go? Google it, got to go and get the gas. Hey, but when you go to someone's house, you just turn up, eat shit,

shit in the bog, christening, fuck off. Yeah, exactly. A bottle of jizz. I used to do that in Carl's house when he was having a shit shit in the bog Chris and I fuck off yeah exactly a bottle of jizz I used to do that in Carl's house when he was having

a barbecue I used to just come to my house for the poo that's friendship what's happened to nowadays friendship yeah he comes

and we just do things and he do things to his own toilet he throw things in the front garden he wouldn't say thank you he'd come in and pick a vase

and throw it in the garden I know but Carl you picked him do you know what I mean and pick a vase up and throw it in the garden I know but Carl you picked him do you know what I mean he's your best friend and you've kept him what was he in like set six

and you just had five of them lined up and you just picked Adam no we were actually in set one Ryan we were very smart boys yeah

I was a genius was I'm not anymore and now he's a chef and a mathematician no he's just come to us for the shit and then we came back

after the night out once we'd been to heaven Jemba we were in our Zelig resort I wouldn't leave your house and I was asleep on the floor in the living room

we used to go to heaven and he got a taxi to mine his house was in the next row and he went I'm getting out of here and he came in my house at 6am I lived in my mum's house

but this time and lay on the living room floor and I went Adam what are you doing I'm staying here you live over there I'm staying here and he wouldn't leave my house and lay on the living room floor and I went to Adam what are you doing I'm staying here you live over there I'm staying here lad

and he wouldn't leave my house fell asleep on the living room floor that's safety fully dressed has your mum always put up with him though

yes she loves him she loves me I'm a gentle man love you both equally or she loves him more I'm having a barbecue at mine this summer

to get all the lads from work over there but I'm getting in I'm getting a barbecue at mine this summer to get all the lads from work over there. But I'm getting a meat specialist in. We're getting Tom. From the nightclub heaven. No. Smoke face griller. Tom, he's going to come and do it.

He makes a nasty scram. You've got to have the right garden, though. He has. He has. Send a picture. Carl's mum loves it. Carly Pimlet says, underrated, overrated,

squash in its many forms. First of all, squash, the delicious fruity drink. Underrated, overrated. What is it? It's great. It's underrated. You've got water in the tap.

You don't want to go and get a flavoured drink from a shop. You've got squash, bash. You've got water in the tap. You don't want to go and get a flavoured drink from the shop. You've got squash, bash. You've got your beverage. Ribena or Vimto squash. Vimto, oh yes. I like one of the weird ones, like a Robinson's Creations ones

when they're doing like orange and mango. Can I just put this out there though? Fruit and barley can go fuck itself. I agree. To get on that beverage, that's why. Completely. It doesn't belong on shelves. It's tori squash. Yeah.

We weren't allowed fizzy drinks in our house when we were kids. Is squash fizzy? No, squash was the one we were. Squash is juice. Like the juice, yeah. Juice. What's your thoughts on double concentrate? I like it. You get double your money. I don't trust it. I find

it hard to sort of judge i've normally put the same amount in and then i just run the time yeah i do that i put the same amount i normally wouldn't and then just run the tap taste it and then just keep altering it with the what's the what's the cordial it's like one part cordial eight parts water i'm a. Because with double concentrate, I'm really- What's the nine parts? Of water? Surely 10, you go two to eight. Hang on. It depends whether you want to choose- I'm just going one.

I'm going one part water. Oh, nine times? Yeah, about that, yeah. Fucking. Now all of a sudden, you've got to put- You can tell you don't have cocks on. I'm bad for it. I'll do like nearly 50-50.

So I don't realize- Oh! I haven't got a minute. Double concentrate. Fuck! The fucking- Oh, you've got a minute. Double concentrate. The fucking- Oh, you're going to die before us. Wig one.

You're going to get wins. You've got wins. You have 50-50 cordial to water. No, no, no. It's more like, it's like 60-40. Don't shit yourself now, Finn. 60 water. Finn, don't shit yourself now, lad.

I'm not. And even, do you know what? People will have seen it on me. I have it on most episodes I have like a big bottle of flavoured water I will dilute the flavoured water with more squash

do you know like a volvic like a strawberry volvic yeah you've got brilliant teeth what the fuck it doesn't let you

taste the water right so you'd get strawberry water and dilute it with blackcurrant cordial yeah on a 60 to 40 ratio no I don't like water. You'd get strawberry water and dilute it with blackcurrant cordial? Yeah. On a 60 to 40 ratio? I don't really like the strawberry one.

I like the orange one. I like the orange one. I don't like that with more orange. Diabetes. What's the weird? Because I don't like water. I've not had a glass of water since I was like two. Yeah, but squash gets around that. Children don't drink water've not had a glass of water since I was like two. Yeah, I get, but squash gets round that.

Children don't drink water. Doesn't it kill them? It's like Dr. Chocolate. No, that's a fact. You can Google that. Babies can't drink water. Not kids. Kids?

No. Babies. Kids. Oh my God. Happy birthday, Timmy. Where is he? Five today. He's having a water. Water! Take it off him. is he? Five today. He's having a water.

Water! Take it off him. Give him a lager. He's dehydrating. Well, don't give him water. Babies can't drink water. Once your baby's starting to eat solid foods, you can offer them sips of water.

You can offer them. So that's a few months in. Just swill the bastard. Yeah, lads. Six months and under, it needs to be fully boiled. Fuck off. Fucking hell. And sterilised. Yeah, sterilised. Six months and under it needs to be fully boiled. Fuck I'll. Fucking hell.

And sterilised. Yeah. Oh and then cool back down. Yeah don't give them the solid food. I tell you don't drink it they're scared of it. Carl's going to have

some crispy kids innit. Don't give that fucker water. Fully breastfed babies they don't need any water until they've started eating solid foods. Don't give your kids water. Don't give your kids

solid foods. No not kids. Babies. Babies. Babies, Carl. Some eight-year-old like, mum, my mouth's so dry. Right, just drink straight from the Ribena. How do you know you don't like water

if you haven't had it since you were two? I think now it's just a mental thing where I'm just like, it's like down with fussy food. I'm just like, I don't. You need to grow up and start drinking healthy. It's literally a way to die, isn't it? We need water. I've had, I like, here we go. You need to grow up and start drinking healthy stuff. It's literally a way to not die, isn't it? We need water.

I've had, like... Here we go. Yeah, unless you're eight. Hang on, he's about to ruin his whole life. So I can't rinse my mouth out after I brush my teeth because I don't like water and it tastes disgusting. So you do what? Flavoured Volvic? No, I'll either do nothing or I'll do a mouthwash.

What? So after you brush your teeth, you just go, I'm either do nothing or I'll do a mouthwash. What? So after you brush your teeth, you just go, I'm done? Yeah. What the fuck is going on in your head? I don't know. I've got a lot of strange things just about me, but... Just say one now. Do you dry brush? Yeah.

Oh, my God. Get him off the podcast. What's he doing? Sorry, I need a minute. I've known this man for two years and? Sorry, I need a minute here. I've known this man for two years and I feel like I need to go and shoot a member of the assembly. Finn.

Yeah. You're telling me, just let me get this right, okay? No, I'm going to close my eyes and picture it, go on. You put the toothpaste on your toothbrush. Straight in. And you put it into your mouth.

Yeah. You brush your teeth. Yeah. You then put the brush back down. I rinse the brush. I rinse the brush. You put the brush back down wipe your mouth and walk away I rinse the brush so the only time you turn a tap on when you are brushing your teeth is to rinse the brush after you've used it

and for nothing else I use water on my retainers as well but other than that no is this the end of the podcast? the idea of just toothpaste straight onto the brush without water try it you're not actually meant to swill your mouth out with water after you brush your teeth no you're not you're meant to do mouthwash before you brush no you're not you're meant to do brushing and then half an hour later you mouthwash actually but you're not meant to rinse out the water because it gets rid of all the chemicals in the toothpaste. But still, that's a dry-ass brush, isn't it?

Yeah. But you... It's not dry. You brush your teeth dry? I can't... It's not dry, though, is it? Yeah.

Because there is stuff in your mouth already, like saliva. Yeah, there's loads of cock. That was a quick one. Squash, the famous racket sport. Underrated, overrated.

Never played it, but it looks sick. It does look sick. It does look sick. Do you know what? From the films, it looks like the best game of all time. And I've also got no interest in playing it, but it looks like everyone who plays it has a really nice time. It looks dead hard.

I'd like to watch it. We used to play it with Peter Brush once a week. Peter Brush is a real person, by the way. What? What? Didn't you used to play squash with Peter Brush once a week? Get Peter Brush out. Get my arms done.

Blocked it out? Where have you got it in your head? Where have you lived in Leeds? Didn't you used to meet up with Peter Brush and play squash? Have you ever played squash? He fucking did, you know. Noeds, didn't you used to meet up with Peter Brush and play squash? Have you ever played squash? He fucking did, you know. No, I didn't. I've never played squash.

Here's Peter Brush for anyone that doesn't know him. Oh, he's such a fucking funny comedian. Okay. What did you used to meet Peter Brush for every weekend at Ledger's and Tent? Squash is bollocks. Dan, come clean. What did we do? What's going on?

Did we play badminton? This is the dementia, Ryan. Will you ring Peter Brush? You used to play squash with Peter Brush. Ring him now. I've never played squash. Ring Brushy. You used to wet brush before you played with him.

Ring him. Ring Peter Brush. What did me and Peter Brush do? How have you forgot? How do you know? He's got dementia. How do you... Do you know when you used to do

your first ever podcast? Yeah. Dan Nightingale in the house. Yeah. I came to record an episode of it in your house in Leeds and when we wrapped up you said,

okay, I'll drop you off in Morley because I'm going to play squash with Peter Brush. and when we wrapped up you said okay I'll drop you off in Morley because I'm going to play squash with a piece of brush

hey hi Peter how are you yeah okay you alright he's always happy to hear from me you're on the podcast mate

am I yeah now sorry yeah if you've never seen Peter live he's sexy as fuck

Peter when I lived in Leeds what did we used to meet up and play because I've forgotten Yeah. If you've never seen Peter live, he's sexy as fuck. Peter, when I lived in Leeds, what did we used to meet up and play? Because I've forgotten. Did we meet up? We met up once, didn't we? Did we play a sport? We played badminton once.

Yeah, there you go. Nice one, Peter. I don't know what you did to me, but I've blocked it out. I think I've got PTSD from us playing badminton. PTSD. PTSD. It's really weird but I've blocked it out. I think I've got PTSD from us playing badminton. PTSD. It's really weird because I've just had a scouser shouting at me going, you used to play squash with Peter Brunch.

And he said it with such conviction. I was like, fuck, I think I did. Even though I've definitely never played squash in my life. It was definitely not squash. All right, well, I really enjoyed that badminton. We should do it again sometime. Is there an inside joke here? No, there isn't.

I genuinely forgot that we'd ever played badminton. Okay, right. I wore swimming shorts and they were really high up and it looked ridiculous. Can I ask you a question? Did you wear underpants under the swimming shorts? Oh God, I don't know actually. Did you go commando? I mean,

they have sort of a underwear type thing inside. Oh yeah, that's fine. I think that's why I blocked it out.

I saw your dick. Yeah, that would have definitely been the reason I blocked it out, yeah. Alright, I'll see you Sunday.

Right, okay. See you mate. Bye. Cheers mate. Yeah, erm. You got badminton

on Sunday we're playing Sunday he's forgotten no I wasn't asked until I realised he got his dick out and I'm like

see you Sunday why did you block it out I genuinely forgot I can't believe he remembers one game but he's right but he's

genuinely right he's if you'd's genuinely right he's if you'd have said have I ever played badminton with Peter Brush I'd be like nah because you would remember

because it's Peter Brush but yeah squash squash squash the game looks heavy hey but badminton

with one of the best one-liner writers in the country underrated clearly he seems so not it's just an an inside joke badminton with one of the best one-liner writers in the country underrated clearly he seems so it's just an an inside joke

and finally squash the orange vegetable Carly Pimlet's really gone for this I don't know what squash is butternut squash what is it

oh butternut squash yeah it's not a yeah it is a vegetable isn't it it's fucking great in a curry butternut squash throwing it out there that really surprises me that you like that never had it with a nice curry sweet potato curry butternut squash. Throwing it out there. That really surprises me

that you like that. Never had it. With a nice curry, sweet potato, and butternut squash. But you've never had an egg. Joey's never had an egg. What?

Who? Dan. Why? Or gravy. Are you weird? I might have had an egg, but I've probably blocked it out. I think I had one with Peter Brush.

I think he fried me an egg. Wait, Dave, you've never had gravy? You know what I mean? The Toby Carvery and that gravy? I've never had gravy. He's got food phobia.

It's just horrible mucky muck. Mucky muck? Isn't it? It's horrible. It looks horrible. I made him a Christmas dinner. If we all judge by looks, every single one of us would be fucked.

I made him the first proper roast dinner he's ever had at Christmas just gone. No gravy? There was gravy there, but he didn't use it. I just had that pink chicken. No, pink lamb. Gammon? Yeah, gammon.

Pink chicken, gammon. Gammon. Yeah, gammon. Pink chicken, gammon. Gammon. Never eat pink chicken. Have you tried it at least? No. Not even tried it? I don't try things. Dan has his roast leg thin,

has his toothpaste dry. What the fuck, Dan? Finally. That's good, that car. Really good, that. I'm trying to tie things together on this rollercoaster. To be fair, he slammed me

with one of the best slams going for about fucking two months um uh george dalton final one an airport beer underrated over it especially in the early hours which i will class as before 8 a.m earlier no before 9 a.m sucks them off i think even an airport one at 10 a.m still early isn't it no how often are you having a pint an airport pint at 10 a.m. is still early, isn't it? No. How often are you having a pint at 10 a.m.? An airport pint at 10 a.m.? You're fucking late for your flight. I'm saying that's still early in the day.

No, it's not. I think it's underrated. I went to Florida and had a pint with my dad before we went, and it was early in the morning. It's fucking great. It's brilliant. It's the start of your holiday. I don't drink as well,

so it was brilliant to just have that pint feel and go to America. Yeah, when we went to Loret de Mar, I had one at quarter to six in the morning, which on reflection was a mistake because the point we got a taxi

past Barcelona, I had my head out the window like a fucking dog eating Pringles. That was a bit too early. You had to go to sleep for three hours, didn't you?

It was a bad one, yeah. I had two days in one day. Compare it to a matchday pint. Matchday pint is one of my favourite pints. First pint ahead of a big game.

Because I'm not drinking at the minute. Liverpool play Man City at 12.30 this Saturday. I would be normally in the pub for 11 o'clock. You scared of him?

Yeah. I just forgot that was happening. It's been nice them not playing for a couple of weeks. Welcome to my world, son. International breaks

are underrated. No, it's not. That mid-season World Cup was the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting done for financial fair play. Exactly. So, like, fuck them. I don't want to watch them. If they're not on, boss, I love England. England!

I'm getting you an England kit for Christmas. I've watched them, but I love when they're on. I'm getting you an England for Christmas. I was so happy for Scotland. Mark Nelson's Twitter just became so vehemently anti-Spanish for the night. It was so good.

Like, I hope Scotland do well, but when you've got a mate like Mark Nelson who's so into the Scottish national team, fuck, I got excited

via Mark Nelson for them to beat Spain 2-0 and then Rodri going on and bitching yeah careful he's proper pet playing him um what is the best pint i think the first pint the first when the first beer garden pint of the year when you go do you know what it's warm enough to have a beer garden pint oh i, I do love that. What about a barbecue pint? Again, not if I'm cooking. Best pint.

I don't really like beer. I like an after 40 beer if I'm going to have one. It doesn't have to be a pint, but like a bottle of beer, a pint, a spirit mix, if that's your thing. Your first bevy. Like what is the top? Let's do a last minute top five.

What is the top five of them? Because I would put probably match day pint for me. First? At the top. Like, an early kickoff, you're in the pub for 11, half 11. That first pint is, I think, just pips the airport for me. I put airports in. Does an airport loan me?

Yeah. I don't know why but the first pint when you get to your holiday oh it's an absolute I think that might be my number one get open then when you get in there

and you go right bags are down why is the bags bags are down jeans oh I can see the argument between that and the airport one

but for me the airport one is that for me but the stress ahead match day is very specific to you though yeah

I can see it though I tell you what it's a great pint when you get to the wedding and you go straight

up to the bar for that first pint for the day first wedding pint I've never been to a

wedding the fucking boss never the belters am I getting invited to one Finn's got married in August

are you at what day 22nd fuck that I'm 30 wait day it's got a meter yet come my 21st birthday party

yeah turn up to that like the hangover yeah you might meet your wife at that it's getting made on a Tuesday by the way

they're not going to know what that is it's cheaper that's how you make a sale oh you're not actually getting married no airport slash holiday one depending on which so that can go in one By the way, they're not going to know what that is. It's cheaper. That's how you make a sale. Oh, you're not actually getting married? No. Airport slash holiday one,

depending on which, so that can go in one thing. Match day for me is top. Have you ever been to a stag do? That wouldn't even come close for me. Really? Oh. Do you know what I mean?

I think I've skipped the stag do. You have? You've missed the ten years. I think I've skipped that bit. That'll You've missed the tenure. I think I've skipped that bit. Do you know what I mean? Like, if I went Carl, as a stag do, or Finn, as a stag do, or Stee. If you act like that, you're not coming, even if you've organised the car. That's just rude.

Please hurry up and get married. I really want... No, but if he goes, the stag do is cancelled. That's what he's doing. I want my stag do to be a fucking blast, but I don't want it to be like the first pint when you get there though yeah that's good

do you know what I don't like about a stag do and this seems so out of character for me to say it's like the pressure to have to just be twatted the whole time like when we go on holidays to Tenerife we're not going to have to be drunk every day to have fun I won't be able to drink every day on a stag do it's's like, right, three days,

we start drinking the night before the first day, we stop drinking two days after we get back. That's the stag do. I don't like that being the thing. I think you're already old enough that it won't be like that. I think, especially if it's Carl's. We're going to Vegas and it's going to be like fucking... I'm going to Orwell and Newcastle Kits.

Have you got a budget? Budget? No. For Vegas? No. You're not going to Vegas and we're going to be like it's going to be like fucking I'm going to be all the way on the Newcastle kit have you got a budget budget no for Vegas no you're not going to limit yourselves high roller shit are yous in control of yourselves

when yous are under the influence I'm rocking up in Gucci mink yeah yeah gambling me out I'm going the I'm going the 2p machines with all the biddies I want to be in the line

doing that you know when they're just like playing the like ding ding ding ding ding ding that's when you've won that's me fingering they're just like playing ding ding ding that's when you've won that's me fingering you're like ding ding ding alcohol's free

if you're gambling in Vegas you just fucked it I mean all alcohol's free if you run fast we're not big gamblers but if my stag do is going to be

high roller shit in Vegas I want us to be in a fucking penthouse Ken and me oh we're going we're going absolutely bananas for your stag you want to make it

an experience to remember not just go to Vegas and go oh yeah I for your stag You want to make it an experience to remember and not just go to Vegas and oh yeah I've done Vegas Oh we've gone to Mykonos that's where you're going Zante Went to Vegas

and we lost Adam We're all getting bevvied I can't wait for Mykonos No we're not but we're like we're going to Zante we're all getting bladdered You do that every weekend

Make it special Go to Zante every weekend He's just took the piss out of countries that didn't need it there No fuck it It's on drive-bys And with that I really fancy a post-pod pint,

and I'm not even joking. Will? Triple P. As if you've asked Will for the pint. Ryan, where can everyone find you on the internet? Still Ryan or still Ryan1. TikTok, Instagram, all over, and YouTube. Thanks for coming in, mate.

Good luck with the vision board. I love yous all. Thank you. And go and buy tickets for the have a word live tour there are tickets available in Dublin in Glasgow

Newcastle and Birmingham but they are starting to go there's a handful of tickets left in London you need to

click the gallery seats oh it's my dream board it's for Adam's vision board where do we get tickets

have a word live.com and we will be announcing a Liverpool live show in the next month or two. Oh, do that thing. Oh, what was it? We've got the rubber sole. Yes.

It's, you know, you know what we do. We don't do it little. Bye. Do it big. Song. Oh, fucking hell. Yeah, come on. Bye, song.

We love this bit. What do you do? Finn gets one of his mates to sing. Do you want to sing? What are we doing? Give me a tune. Fly me to the moon. Fuck.

No. In the style title. Before the song, you'll have seen on social media, hopefully, I've just announced my debut gig with my band in Jimmy's for June the 24th Tickets going on sale on Wednesday

I'm going to be in Mexico You can't say it She couldn't get further away So yeah, tickets are only a tenner There's less than 200 so it'd be amazing if we sold it out I'm going 190 acres made

and I'm going do you want to bring me on can I yeah if you want oh I'd fucking love to I'll do that if I don't go to Mexico me and Dan

I'll both open for you sound let's have a weird laugh do you know what actually you open for us you sing and then we'll do an hour each

we're doing a gig at Jimmy's we're doing a gig at Jimmy's on June 24th we've just put the support act, he'll be closing. So the song this week is a band called Carova. That's like Corona, but with a V. It's with a K as well. It's mixing it up.

And this is a song called Mind Enhancer. So check it out. I love this song. Can we hear it? No. It's happened in the future see you right oh see you lids appreciate it So shivers My heart still aches when I'm with you I need to try and find my mattress Through the scope of my mind and answers My soul shivers

My heart still breaks when I'm with you I need to try and find my mantras Through the scope of my mind and hands She never wants to listen Only wants to speak I seem to miss every word that she says to me I saw a silver roof With flowers still creaks beneath of you I need to try and find my mantra

Through the scope of my mind and answer She never wants to listen Only wants to speak I seem to miss every word that she says to me Thank you. you