Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #225 with Ari Shaffir - Have A Word w/Adam & Dan

Episode Date: May 21, 2023

Tickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Have A Word Live | https://haveawordlive.comDan's Tour | http://dannightingale.comAdam's Tour | https://adamrowe.co.uk/tourComedian's Club Chester: https://www.comediansclubchester.comAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, The Roast of Adam & Dan and our Amsterdam special! What are you waiting for?Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsGet tickets for Finn's gig at Jimmy's: https://linktr.ee/finnlaykThanks to this week's sponsors:Lovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_podcastLove how you love and take 20% off sitewide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: WORD20Manscaped | https://manscaped.com20% off with the promo code: WORD20Calm | https://calm.com/wordGet 40% off a Calm Premium Subscription with unlimited access to Calm’s entire library.BetterHelp | https://betterhelp.com/word10If you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can get you there. Get 10% off your first month!NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordGrab your EXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal by going to nordvpn.com/haveaword to get a Huge Discount off your NordVPN Plan + a Bonus Gift! It’s completely risk free with Nord’s 30 day money-backStitch Fix | https://stitchfix.co.uk/word20% off when you keep all five items!Sneak Energy | https://sneakenergy.comUse code 'WORD10' for BOTH the creator code (in your cart) AND discount code (at checkout) for 10% off your order and 100 elite points!Merch:https://haveawordpod.comFind us everywhere:https://haveaword.pageDiscord:https://discord.gg/haveawordpodFollow the podcast, our hosts and our guest on social media:Have A Wordhttps://facebook.com/haveawordpodhttps://twitter.com/haveawordpodhttps://instagram.com/haveawordpodAdam Rowehttps://facebook.com/adamrowecomedianhttps://twitter.com/adamrowecomedyhttps://instagram.com/adamrowecomedianDan Nightingalehttps://facebook.com/danhasapodcasthttps://twitter.com/danhasapodcasthttps://instagram.com/danhasapodcastAri Shaffirhttps://instagram.com/arishaffirADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What's happening lads, how are we? I don't know about you, but my nipples are tingling, which means this week's episode is going to be a bell set. Do you know what's going to be even better though? Why don't you tell them that? A live show, a podcast live show. The first one outside London and Liverpool, Birmingham, Thursday the 11th of May, 2023. Alexandra Theatre in Birmingham, we've got a couple of hundred tickets left, and it is the first show outside of Liverpool and London and we are going big when I tell you we got some special guests lined up for this one oh you do not want to miss it you can go to haveawordlive.com right now snap those tickets up we also got shows coming up in Newcastle Dublin and Glasgow he's on tour I'm on tour haveawordlive.com for all of the live show also if you haven't signed up to our Patreon yet,

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You're going to get content after content. But on top of all of that, you get access to the entire back catalogue. Even if you only sign up for the three quid a month, you get all the extra content. What's in the back catalogue? All of the 150 patron-exclusive episodes, which are really unadulterated,

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Patreon on the planet there's a reason that this podcast that started in a cupboard in Chester and grew in a cupboard in Runcorn punches above its weight

with the biggest content creators on the planet because we're the fucking best now go and watch some stuff and then come back and watch this yes Andrew

what but seriously Birmingham on the 11th of May have a word live.com wag wag leads some stuff and then come back and watch this. Yes, I do! What? But seriously, Birmingham on the 11th of May. Have a word live.com Wag wag leads. You're listening to the funniest podcast in the game with Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn. This is the one and only

Have a word. Brought to you by Manscaped.com The very best in below the belt men's grooming. Go Ed, get on me ow oh hello hello i'm excited to have irish shafir in i am oh it's gonna be great i love him i think he's great in fact i know he's gonna be good because we recorded it six weeks ago because we've already done it and he was great yeah Yeah. But this section, woo! So welcome to the Have a Word podcast.

Podcasting for the third day in a row, and I can feel the fatigue. Three in a row. Monday doesn't count. What? Monday doesn't count. Monday literally didn't count. No, it was the worst episode we've ever done. And then, conveniently, someone had muted the entire thing, so.

And then we came in the next day, did the Patreon exclusive, and it was absolute worst episode we've ever done and then conveniently someone had muted the entire thing and then we came in the next day did the Patreon exclusive and it was absolute banger sign up at patreon.com slash have a word part can I also get the elephant in the room

out the way when you watch the that's not what you call her what oh I don't know what you're talking about there's a visual glitch

me hair glue for the first bit Addy's first section doesn't have the main guest shot in it corrupted we can only apologise I know what you're talking about there's a visual glitch me hair glue for the first bit um Ari's first section doesn't have the main guest shot in it corrupted we can only apologise it's still good

but for the first bit you'll only have the side view of Mr Shafir luckily he used that camera more than any other guest we've ever had

yeah he was all over that camera oh he loved the camera a couple of tech problems recently I just wanted to ask Dan um no no no no no

not tech what like hardware problems yeah that's the same thing no because it's out of Oh, he loved the camera. A couple of tech problems recently. I just wanted to ask Dan. No, no, no, no, no, no. Not tech. What? Like hardware problems, yeah. That's the same thing. No, because it's out of human control. AI could fix it. Oh, no. Yeah, but that's what a tech problem is.

Yeah, cool. Problem with the tech. Yeah, not the technology. Who's in charge of the tech? Not the technicians. But who's in charge of the hardware? Yeah. Well, I was on Monday, partly,

so that was on me. Shut your bitch mouth. What I was wondering, Dan, is I don't know why I just on the way here today yeah I just thought

I've got I need I don't think I've ever asked Dan this I wonder if this is about love and relationships by any chance not exactly

oh okay but in a roundabout way so before we came in he texted me saying I'm going to ask Dan this so he didn't know anything about anything no what do you think about women

which ones like all women all women like in relation to how good they are how bad they are their strengths their weaknesses

things that annoy you about women in your life yeah or women in my life yeah if it was a woman here what would you say to them yeah

like obviously we don't hire women but like we do we just haven't women. But we do. We just haven't yet. We'd love to. We've tried. We have tried.

We have tried. We'd love to. We'd love to. We would love to. We've tried. We haven't yet. But we love men so much. We just keep employing

white scousers. Yeah. Yeah. All right, Charlie. All right, lad. Charlie could be a girl's name. Yeah. Could be.

Most women are great. Yeah. Yeah. But? But some are fucking idiots. Yeah. But then with men, maybe there's more fucking idiots.

That's the most annoying thing about, like, just imagine a woman in your life. The thing that annoys you the most. Too beautiful. Yeah. Too. My penis gets too hard. I'm nosy the most too beautiful yeah too my penis gets too hard I'm like

stop being so sexy that's not a problem honestly I wish it was I'd love to just chill out on that a bit am I getting hornier as I get older what's going on there

that can happen that's a good thing though isn't it you don't want to bend your butt and dick when I'm less fuckable what's going on it's getting smaller

I'm telling you right now it can't get smaller I've got there's no there's no wiggle room I'd love to see your cocky rum I've seen it I've seen it

it's not as small as it makes out is it now and this was at midnight in Scotland oh yeah and as we all know there's never a smaller dick than midnight in Scotland.

As Billy Connolly will attest to. You're putting it in a freezing lake. You can't get no smaller than that. Well, it was Northumberland. Northumberland, sorry, not Scotland. Nearly Scotland. I saw it at a holiday inn. I don't think anyone's seen someone's dick until they've...

Yeah, we have weekends away. This feels like a side dream. Sorry, Loz. I like to spend time with young men. We apologise on two days, shouldn't we? You and Finn have got like a blossoming little side hustle. I've noticed this lately. You keep inviting each other to go for food

and you don't invite anyone else. Correct. You just keep going, oh, Finn, do you want to go and get some dinner? And you're never like, does everyone want to come to Nando's? You're like, me and Finn are going to Nando's. You just keep snaking off together.

He's vegan. I'm fussy but when they get together Nando's works no one else seems to be invited lately I'm just wondering what's going on

what are you plotting like a side hustle what the Dan and Finn is it a father son thing I'm telling you right now that's not getting to 22,000 patrons

it's just he's just a lovely lad isn't he is it a father son what is it like a father-son? I'm his dad. No, I'm a... Literally.

But I'm saying, are you like taking him under your wings? No, just get on. He's a nice lad. Why is no one invited to Nando's then? You are invited. No one wants to go to Nando's as much as a fussy person and a vegan.

I've never been to Nando's. You've never been, have you? Every time he gets brought up, he punches their head. I spit at you, yeah. You're taking a vegan to Nando's? So yesterday, I wanted to go for Nando's honestly

fifth time in a week I know it's bad I don't care you were like do you want to go to the Chinese buffet no when I asked that not one person

even said no no one said a word I shook my head at my phone because it was yesterday was another stressful day wasn't it

he's on Slimming World. I can't do it. It's too greasy and foreign. That sounded bad. Oh. That sounded bad. As I said it, that didn't sound right, but it is greasy and foreign.

I don't like it. It's not nice. Chinese is boss. Oh, it's boss when you're stoned in Amsterdam and Henry VIII is ordering food. Fucking brilliant. Did you notice, when I invited people

to the Chinese buffet, I said, does anybody want to come to the Chinese buffet? I didn't go, Finn, do you want to come to the Chinese buffet?

That's what you keep doing. We have our secret meetings in Nando's. Yeah. Isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Finn's changing me.

You know, I've now got Spotify on my phone. I can see you being a double act one day. What? Yeah. You've grown up

and got Spotify? Yeah. He's on my family plan plan what's going on here? what's going on here? your dodgy uncle yeah next he's going to get me on TikTok begrudgingly

are you using this Netflix as well? erm yeah and it's Paramount you're welcome to Disney if you've not got it if you could get me on Paramount I want to watch Yellowstone and there's a lady in my life

who'd like to no one's got Paramount everyone should have Paramount because they've got Yellowstone and I want to watch Country every time every act that came out at the Luke Combs concert

was like y'all may have seen me on Yellowstone like two of them but it's obviously a big thing and I'm such a Country fan who's the actor

who's the actor who does it Kevin Costner Kevin Costner yeah David Jason oh is it Kevin Costner actor? Kevin Costner. Kevin Costner, yeah. David Jason. Is it Kevin Costner? Yeah. Is Kevin Costner in it?

He's the main guy. In Yellowstone? Yeah. Wow. And David Jason's in it? Plays a character called John Yellowstone. Cool.

Do you know who he is actually called John? I've just Googled it. Shut up. He's called John. John what? Yellowstone. Yellowstone. He's called John. John what? Yellowstone. Yellowstone.

This is my park. I own all of it. Yellowstone's just a, like national parks in America are like a thing, aren't they? Like we have them over here, but no one's asked. Like in America,

it's like fucking what? People travel for it and that. Are they just big parks with swings and that? We have national parks yeah Snowdonia yeah they do

Snowdonia National Park people love the Lake District yeah but no one calls no one calls it the Lake District National Park they call it the lakes

yeah yeah yeah yeah no lakes in the Lake District I don't think people go we're going to Yellowstone National Park I think they go we're going Yellowstone

they're mares not lakes. It's called Lake Windermere. It's called the Lake District. Google it. It's not called the Meir District. What's the QI? It's a thing, isn't it?

There's not many, there's no lakes. It's all meers. It's bollocks, isn't it? It's a big lake. I've seen lakes before. It looks like that. It's a fucking lake.

I think there's like, there's only a couple there rather than people. They're all ponds. Yeah, so the lakes is a national park, isn't it? There is a lake. I'm saying, like, people think it's the lakes,

but it's meers. Okay. I call it the meers. I don't know about you. We go on the meers with the witnesses at the weekend. With the what? Should we go and do mushrooms

in the beach? In the ray. You and me. Side hustle. I wouldn't say that. Why would you say something horrible? I don't do that, Carl.

That's all you. It's actually Dan Dan isn't it who's negative towards women always yeah you've gone weirdly quiet on that subject yeah

I think the last three and a half years of podcasting has proved I've got a pretty big problem with women particularly one six year old who cannot that's why you're so committed to your marriage

keep her volume down in the morning it's ridiculous. On a radio? I feel bad because I don't want Etta to be like, oh, I'm not allowed to. But she's literally, she wakes up and she's like, la, la, la, la.

She's mental loud. That's what you're like. She's you. You do that? No, but not in the morning. Not first thing. Do you know how you fucking bound into this building? I bet you do.

And someone who's not here just nodded their head and they greeted me. You literally walk in here and you're like hello we're all like fucking keep your noise down do you want to go to

a Chinese buffet you're not coming he said do you want to go to a Chinese buffet I was like no I never go

and then start dancing musical theatre it's my life big fan of that as well hate women love musical theatre what an oxymoron she's got it from you though

like the performing yeah but listen with great power with great volume comes great responsibility love musical theatre. What an oxymoron. She's got it from you though. Like the performing. Yeah, but listen, with great power, with great volume comes great responsibility. Know when to fucking... We were talking about swearing this morning. It's on your thing, isn't it?

When kids are swearing. It's fine that kids swear. Fine. Obviously, I can't... She's not going to be like, shut the fuck up, dad. Like at six years old. But it's about knowing when to not swear.

You can swear. It's not the end. I know for some parents, I've got friends who are like oh it's awful imagine if a child you swear words or they're gonna they're just not gonna do it in front of you but like know when not to swear what year in school is i don't know is she in reception or she's still in there she won she's in year one she won year one so what if um you got home from podcasting and your lovely wonderful wife Laura who you've always

spoken so kindly about she's just at the door she's like hello love welcome home welcome home

dinner's ready you've got your chicken dippers this is fanciful this is fanciful you've got your chicken dippers chips and no beans

over there okay I want a dry meal start a fire that's his regular tea. I would start a fire. Yeah, but then some mint yogurt. That's on the table.

And then we've just got to, I've got to sit down and have a conversation about our lovely child, Etta, for today. Where's she? Oh, she's in the garden. For today, she has been removed from school and sent home because the teacher asked her to do her matware and she said shut up cunt i don't need to tell you i don't need to do what you tell me

yeah what would you feel how would you feel about that listen i'm telling you if she if edgar said shut up cunt i don't need to listen to you my tea is not being made before that information that isn't going to be like dan we're probably the victims here and i need to work out a tactic how to take down this school which is obviously full of cunts no that's my fault and then i'm blaming you i don't know how but i'm gonna be like it's in some way like rock music and that's where she's got it from it's not your fault fault. Shut up, cunt. I won't listen to you. Shut up, cunt. I won't listen to you. It's Rage Against the Machine. That's on. So,

Nirvana's Rage Against the Machine. So, yeah, that is going to be blamed on me and it won't be a hello, darling. Have you had a pleasant day of talking to Adam on a podcast? Here's your dinner of dry beige things. And now we need to discuss this. That isn't your fault. It's on

me. So that's where Is it on you? Yeah, I'd get bollocked for that. Almost. Why would you get bollocked? Probably. This isn't me. Probably. Are you the one who perpetuates it? Is it because it's the word cunt and I can only have come from you? Listen, there are some words

that are going to get you in trouble. Noises. They're just noises, aren't they? That your mouth makes. Yeah, I don't think... What about a word or phrase that you wouldn't have said? Something that isn't in your vernacular.

So what if she'd said, shut your punk-ass bitch mouth? Again, probably more likely me than Laura taking the blame on that one. No, it's Etta, didn't it? Not you. Who's to blame?

What? Etta, didn't it? Yeah, you say I've never said those words, so if anything, it's on here. Guys, it's Etta, isn't it? Not you. Who's to blame? What? Etta, isn't it? Yeah, you say I've never said those words, so if anything, it's on here. Guys, wait till you have kids. And for your case, it's going to be in about six months. And with you,

I'll give it two years. I've got a dog. It will be part of it. If Wallace did it, I'd be impressed. Yeah, if Wallace said to the dog trainer, fuck you, you punk-ass bitch. If anything, you're going to get rich. I'm just letting you know the noise

is sometimes it's fine but it just needs to be there needs to be times when it can't happen and there's swearing we're not going to be hard lying with it

but you can't be like why don't you harness it be like the Von Trapps alright knobheads like that's not first thing be like the Von Trapps harness that energy right

get Jack singing as well singing who's singing the Von Trapps oh we're back to the morning thing yeah oh right okay when she makes all the noise

like put a beat to it and record it you're always beatboxing yeah like the Von Trapps the famous beatboxing family who escaped the Nazis we're going to Switzerland

yeah I remember that have you never seen it his ribs are still broken i've never seen the hip-hop version of it but i tell you what that's a a bit of musical theater i would definitely not want to see oh are we going to hamilton are we have you bought tickets i haven't bought tickets yet but i'd like to buy them today if we can pick a date and go november we did didn't we we've got other things yeah we'll book it in the break and then we've got other things to pay for. Yeah, we'll book it in the break and then... We've got other things to pay for. No, it's not that expensive.

We're going. We're booking it today. That should be the name of this podcast. It's so dangerous when Adam gets what you think is like clear, like...

The first yes is like, yeah, yeah, we could do that maybe. To Adam that is, yeah, Adam, you've got to book it right now otherwise everything will go so just do it now

when you get the answer you're looking for put the phone down yeah that's true that's what they say in coaching innit yeah

can I buy that player for this much yeah okay cool paperwork's on the way Finn do you want to drive can we book Nashville do you want to drive yeah okay cool

flight to work should we drive to Hamilton together yeah should we get Nando's yeah shut up Dan would you never be

one of them TikTok families you've seen them oh god the ones you make you want to pull your eyes out there's the British three guys three lads

oh my it makes me feel sick is that them yeah what do they do dance do you want me to find them honestly

the dad he's the worst one. I actually think they're funny now because they wind everyone up so much and I think they've come full circle with it. I've never done a TikTok dance and I just can't. But this dad's face, honestly. I can tell he uses to pick the ladies up now.

I'm a bit of a mover on TikTok. He's horrible. He's got a wife, hasn't he? What do they do? Just do dances? Right, I found them. Let me get the screen. Is it like comedy?

No, it's like what kids would do with a contrived dance. It's three grown men. You ready? Right. Is this on? I don't love TikTok. So imagine some... Dan, do some beatboxing.

Doe, a deer, a female deer. Ray, a drop of gold. Me, a name I call myself. Fa, fa, fa, a long way to run. So, a lady pulling thread la are you watching the video no I'm singing fucking

ooh I'm on ticket there we go I'm drinking with jam I saw that in the break that will bring us back to do do do do did you enjoy the video

no it was absolutely pointless bit of podcasting and that was painful it was actually trying to get you to fall in a fucking hole I'm not into it Fox has got a new show coming out please turn the TV off it's so distracting and it's distracting this bit of podcasting and that was painful. It was actually trying to get you to... Fall in a fucking hole. I'm not into it.

Fox has got a new show coming out. Please turn the TV off. It's so distracting. And it's distracting to me. The remote's in the lobby. I don't ever want to do TikTok like that. I just want to put some stand-up clips on. I just, I'm lazy.

I need to sort it out. Definitely need to sort it out. So I get it. But we'll do that. We'll go for Nando's and sort TikTok out. Nice one, mate. Nice one, mate. Yeah, man. Well, me and Kyle are going for the big bowl. Oh, yes for Nando's and sort of TikTok her. Nice one, mate. Nice one, mate. Yeah, mum.

Well, me and Carl are going for the big bowl. Oh, yes. Big bowl. We're going to have a business meeting about how we're going to slowly take over the podcast.

Yeah. Oh. Yeah. What, more than you have already taken it over? Yeah, we're going to short your shares. You're going to have 4%.

You're fucking Eduardo Saverin, mate. Andrew Garfield. You literally, you can't do that, but. Eduardo Saverin. You can take, you can actually take control. If you, if I Garfield you literally you can't do that Eduardo Saverin you can actually take control

if I pissed you off you can you've got the controlling you're on a fine line but you can't get rid of my shares that's not how that works

we can dilute them how? put water on them nice famous business terminology yeah they're wet now wet nothing

we take the we take the podcast public but only make your shares available to buy yeah yeah you can't do that we can't if you

if you handcuff you to a radiator Zuckerberg did it what? Zuckerberg did it yeah what do you mean? he did it to his business partner

Eduardo Sartor yeah alright cool well it's been nice it's been fun stop going for Nando's without us it's been a lot of fun oh is that hasn't it? Stop going for Nando's without us. It's been a lot of fun.

Oh, is that what's doing it? I'm losing my 40% of the company that I started because I went for Nando's with a Welshman. Yeah. I'm just a Welshman, Finn. Fuck you, Perdius. Stop leaving us out. You guys have got sick of Nando's, though.

Whereas it's the best option for me. Let's go somewhere else. That's the whole point. We go to Nando's because you guys are sick of it. And though. Whereas it's the best option for me. Let's go somewhere else. That's the whole point. We go to Nando's because you guys are sick of it and we just have a nice time. So anyway, women are good.

Children shouldn't be too loud. And Finn is a special little boy. That sounded noncy. Will you go and see his gig, everyone? He's got a gig at Jimmy's on the 24th of June. Go and see Finlay Kay and his band

with Support Axe. I'll be there. I'm introducing the young lad onto the stage. a gig at Jimmy's on the 24th of June go and see Finlay Kay and his band with support acts I'll be there I'm introducing the young lad onto the stage it's the 24th of June innit yeah

I'll be on the Amalfi Coast but I'll be thinking about the gig that's good yeah that's nice actually yeah it's going to be

conveniently going on holiday the day of the gig Jimmy's is my favourite venue in Liverpool I wasn't meant to be going until the 26th and I found out I was about to show

and I was like fuck it two days extra add two days on yeah. So come and see Finlay Kaye's first ever band gig. There's only a hundred

tickets left. Lots of original tunes. We're only doing one cover. Book it now. What cover are you doing? Doing some Scissor

Sisters. Ah. Take them all. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Oh, animatronic. Oh, Lord. No offense, but oh. Do you like it?

That thick ginger lady with the tattoos. Yes, queen. Sisters were fire for a good couple of years. Animatronic is fit. Fit. She looks like the ginger one from Mad Men, but with tats. Sorry, Laura.

She's not here big old tats tattoos yeah they were good he's gay though isn't he I mean Jake Shears yeah

do you reckon that was a silly thing to say yeah my gay dad is that why they're called Scissor Sisters because his name's Shears

and they're big scissors yeah that will be what it is that must be it's also also they're very lesbian friendly it is yeah

but like she is scissor sisters are like that's a a positive slayer towards lesbians isn't it them too they're a couple of

scissor sisters because they scissor each other until they cum what was the one we made up yesterday for men what was it I can't remember what it was it was great

you're going to use it forever oh ass pirate ass pirate it's a positive one it's good You're going to use it forever. Oh, arse pirate. It's a positive one. It's good. It's good, is it?

I'm a pussy captain. He's an arse pirate. Pirates are cooler than captains. Going to put the ticket link in the description. Lesbians welcome. Lesbians. I think lesbians are like you. You look like one. Jacket.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could be a young lesbian. My mum used to say that. I've got a haircut of a lesbian. How old were you? When she was still getting your hair cut? Yeah. Give him the lesbian.

That's a bit harsh. You just cut it. You have the haircut of a lesbian. I want my little lesbian Finn. My little scissor sister. We met Poirot the other day. You met Poirot? Yeah.

She was lovely. She's a lovely woman. She's a good mum, isn't she? Finn's mum. She was here the other day. She was here the other day. My mum's dead. Can she be my mum? Yeah. nice one if you want she's about eight years that makes a weird dynamic

oh not that weird we really if she loved them more than you no that's she keeps nagging me to come and watch you both of you actually she keeps going when can i go and watch him i'm going why don't you just bring it along because I'm always gigging at the weekends I'll look after do you like having family at gigs so you you know like

are you have they always been has your dad always been into it has he been coming to see your gigs from early doors yeah came to a couple of the early ones

and then sort of once or twice a year whenever there was one that I felt like was worth taking someone to he was at the early ones and then sort of once or twice a year whenever there was one that I felt like was worth taking someone to he was at the screening of Juicy wasn't he yeah

that felt like something I probably won't do that many times do you know what I mean it was at the Apollo which again was massive came down to live

at the Apollo he's been to all my solo shows where I'm doing like my own tickets and stuff I've always had family come to those my family tend to come once, maybe twice a year.

So normally that's tour show. And maybe, like, someone will be like, I've seen you at Hot Water on this date. Can I come down? Yeah. I don't mind it. I don't like them being there, like, front row. Oh, no.

That's a bit distracting because you're like, whatever. But it doesn't affect me at all, knowing that I've got family in. It's a weird distracting because you're like, whatever, but it doesn't affect me at all knowing that I've got family in. It's a weird thing with an audience. When you're on stage and there's a crowd in, there is a dynamic there that works so well. It's simple. Everyone understands it. If you're in the crowd, I'm a crowd member. That's why you don't get VIPs at comedy, really.

It's not like a VIP. You're in the audience you're watching it's a weird dynamic if the rest of the crowd think you know someone in the front row or they feel almost like left out of that of that gang it's a strange feel and then they expect it to be going somewhere or like having comedians at the front or mates at the front or your family I just they just need to be it's great that they're there just in the corner somewhere hidden they can watch the show but they can't be part of that interaction my brother-in-law was at the show it's one of the first times ever that a

family like he just chipped in at one point didn't that didn't he and i had a bit of back and forth with him and it worked quite well but that's probably the only time in 20 years where it's not just been cringy um have you got family come in for the big gig on the 24th of june yes yeah the my brother's come in and my sister and i think my mom's gonna be there so go up call her pyro tits you know't she thinks it's funny oh no she's getting called Poirot tits in work because she's got two people that listen to the pod

no oh no oh my god what does your mum work as she works for the council she's a snowboarder she works for the council and there's people

working for the council going I sent that email on to Poirot tits they're listening to the pod in her office oh can we do Poirot tits merch then she'd love it oh we're doing it it's just gotta have two pictures of Poirot tits we're listening to the party in her office oh can we do Poirot tits merch then

she'd love it oh we're doing it it's just gotta have two pictures of Poirot where your tits would be yes the moustache by the way we've gotta do

one of your yearbook oh there's gotta be the print of your face with my hobbies include young ladies I don't want that we've just got to

it's been too funny do you know the tweet I did about it has had like 3000 likes that's more than any clip of my stand up it's been

my lower sixth form yearbook entry has been seen by three quarters of a million people on twitter

what is going on you look good in the picture though you're gonna look good on a t though. You're going to look good on a t-shirt. I did some damage, mate. Yeah. Damage. You ladies.

So if you haven't seen this, my yearbook picture got sent to Adam and Carl. Not me. Adam and Carl. And they have had quite a lot of fun with it. It's been fun to be called a cunt

in so many different ways. And it's absolutely valid. I was a cunt in so many different ways and it's absolutely valid I was a cunt that about what they were quite out of touch merch Dan's yearbook

we need some new merch suggestions so comment below on the video we've got some cowboy stuff we've literally got new merch designs on the way

yeah but just any suggestions just keep adding to it haveawordpod at gmail.com if you've got any questions if you've got new merch designs on the way. Yeah, but just any suggestions. Yeah, throw them in. We just keep adding to it. Haveawordpod at gmail.com if you've got any questions, if you've got any... Simple pleasures, top fives. Simple pleasures, top fives.

Underrated, overrated. Underrated, overrated, more than that. Haveawords. Get some haveawords in. If you want us to whinge at anyone, or you, or call you up on anything, haveawords. You know, that's why we named the podcast, innit?

Shall we have a little break and then we've got some correspondons can't wait for he's on his way is he he's on his way what a lad

he's back in America but he was fucking good that one was he yeah he was great welcome back I've just realised me and Dan

are wearing rival baseball team caps woah I'm wearing the New York Mets whoa I'm wearing the New York Mets and I'm wearing the New York Bastards yeah we're a rival band

we're wearing rival band tops it's rivalry week here on Have A Word Oasis and Arctic Monkeys is not a rivalry it's just a joke Dan we don't do jokes yeah we do truths

okay sorry cool we've got some nicknames that have been submitted We don't do jokes, yeah? Joke. Truths. Okay, sorry. We've got some nicknames that have been submitted. Now, before I read these out, I want to let you know, we had a lot sent in, and if you think any of these are shit, they are the best of a bad bunch. This is why Adam is not allowed to do the prep all the time,

because there'd be no more prep. All right, we've had some suggestions. Some of you have learning difficulties but never mind that's true work through it what's happening lads one of the football lads recently overcame

a short but tough battle with cancer when he came back to play for the local Sunday League team rather than hail him as the hero he is

we have called him chemo Werner which he loves rhymes with chemo it's quite good as long

as he's not crying you know we've got a mate at our school who is

a Turkish lad his name is Onur Karaka and we call him

cheese Onur Karaka if that's true that's great that's

pretty good nice we have a lad at work called Simba

because his uncle killed his dad I mean but it's still good I know someone who only I know someone who only has

their three front teeth they only have their three what as in the front you've got three at the front anyway they're called

central eating she's dead funny isn't it um okay hey lids i have a mate at work who is short and looks like elton john we call him pocket rocket man um this one is an obvious lie and i wanted to delete it but I'm going to read it out anyway just to give you an example of how fucking stupid people are this isn't a nickname but a terrible set of initials

I work with a guy with the surname Mycock no you don't bad enough in itself but his four names are Brian and John no they're not that makes his name BJ Mycock I feel sorry for

him. He came into my office for the first time and said, hey, I'm the one with the name. You're a liar. You're a liar. You're a shyster. Up right in again. Brian Mycock. Did he start work and come in and go, hey,

before I say anything, I'm the one with the name. Cool. The office just, all right, cool. The office just got a lot more annoying. I had a girl at school with alopecia. She came in on non-uniform day with a white dress on and we call this shuttlecock. This one is very Cardinal Enon. Come on. Because it's just the smallest thing

someone's done and then they've just had their name forever my nickname in school was Tetley or Kettlehead because I once had a cup of tea we had a Kettlehead as well didn't we yeah but he had a Kettlehead hang on, Cardinal Heenan could those nicknames just come in at any point

or was it very much in the first few years no oh right you've got it at any point yeah last week

you could have like fell down the stairs stairs dickhead yeah I mean it was a bit less on the nose than that but yeah

not really there was a girl called on the phone because she was always on the phone that was funny that one alright lads

a friend of ours called Paul has had to have the snip done twice because it didn't work the first time he's known as Paolo Two Chop

nice I love that that's very nice Costa Rican striker of course Paolo One Chop thank you we don't do jokes

we do facts hi lids I live in New Zealand we have a guy who works with us on our building site and he's got a massive chin, he's also into his supercars so we call him

Chin Diesel Right, these aren't necessarily the best two but I enjoyed them the most when I was reading them There's an older bird in our world called Gwyneth or Gwen and she has a dodgy knee so she sways when she walks so we call her Penguin. My girlfriend's mum

used to have a friend that her grandad would refer to as Hot Chip because their stutter made them sound like they were eating food that was too hot

for their mouth. Keep them coming in, babies. Yeah. Just make sure they're at least that good. I loved Hot Chip. Yeah. I listened to Hot Chip on the way in this morning. Let's listen to it on our next drive together. Fuck off.

Air pod each. Do, do, do it now. Have you got any prep, Finn? I do. Should we do some simple pleasures we did that a couple of weeks ago well we tried to make it a top five and then realized that there isn't really a top five it's just an endless source of little things that people get a lot of joy from yeah so if any of any of these kind of uh spark something in you just let me know so carly

from essex says when you get to a shop or a till that is just about to shut and the member of staff says, go on, but you're the last one. Yeah, that's nice. I don't like the anxiety of not knowing whether I'm going to get it. I don't take that as a pleasure. That's a relief, not a pleasure. But the opposite one's so annoying. I'm closed, love.

You're sitting there, just fucking beep the stuff. I'm VAR on that and giving it a no. When they put the sign, when they put the sign when they when they put the red till closed yeah too long

okay well this one I think you'll definitely agree with this is from Drew Peacock what no what his real name is Drew Peacock

crazy crazy saying something about a footy game and the commentator says the same thing seconds later because you feel like a you feel like a god.

I told you. That winger needs to come off. I absolutely love that. You're always doing that during the UFC, aren't you? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, kick him in his dick. And then the commentator says that.

Be a time out. All right, sorry. Yeah, we don't do jokes about UFC. Or bands. This is from, who's this from Joe stopping the petrol pump

bang on the pound the first time when filling the car up I fill it to the top it's always a random number it's now impossible because of I press it until it clicks

so it's full yeah so do I yeah but that's sensible but a lot of people do I thought you just meant you'd put like £36.40 no I just put it

until it goes I've done that before as well though I just don't care about that anymore I fill my car up but sometimes I get bored halfway through filling it and I'm like that'll do for now so I just take it off

you play the game, the guessing game, you look away from the car and you go I wonder what the money is and I'm always near it imagine getting that spot on to the penny £28.40 it's just so fucking stupid because I end up filling my car up and then i just go in and buy fucking chewies and crisps and butties and drinks and everything anyway

and they're all like mad prices now because of brexit a little bit political uh grown man steven over there who business manager of this company aged 30 found out that um your car doesn't just start overflowing with petrol if you fill it to the top. He thought he never filled his car up because he thought it starts squirting all over him. I can see him thinking. It doesn't make sense. No, it does make sense. No, but if you know what technology works, you know there's going to be some kind of system that stops you doing that.

No, you only know that because you know that. Like if no one had ever told you that, would think it has got an engineering degree he's an engineer that makes it bad i love the click i mean it's less than you think it is oh can i just say when i was skin when i was first at a car when you had a tenner to spend on petrol that was important that that i've got a fucking tenner and i want to put a tenner in like i you get a lot from that just going come on come on come on come on not going over was a great feeling a simple pleasure of mine is just the smell of petrol yeah i love the smell of sometimes when i'm finished i just put it all over the floor and go i just put it all over the back seat of my car.

Yeah. Sometimes when I put it on my neighbour's house. Yeah. Have you ever been to the airport and smelled the petrol? The aeroplane fuel? No. So my granddad used to take me plane watching

and the smell of that, I really fucking enjoyed. Blackpool airport, we just went and watched the planes. Petrol does smell good. Airport fuel smells good. I used to do this thing. No wonder I ended up a cokehead.

Yeah, literally, it does sound like you're talking about your first line of an holiday day. You know when I'm at the airport, you're like, I fucking love the airport fuel. Airport petrol. I just had a memory of something that I used to do when I was like four, that my mum had to like Here we go, I'm telling you right now, this'll be,

we used to get a badger and throw it against the wall. No, it's not, it's not that. Inside a jellyfish? It's a bit weird, like- Of course it is, it's your story. I love the, so petrol- You used to tie foxes to trucks. Petrol was one of the top smells,

but the one above that was the washing machine after it was done. My mum used to just catch me with my head in the washing machine, just having a good old sniff. You are a special human. No one else brings the silence that I bring in. The hot rubber. No, I mean like the smell of-

Just smell the washing then i know i should i was four what do you want me to do i can't go 14 you were on a way to die as a child how did i find out what that you like that i have no idea i have no idea you just put your head in you're like he's always sniffing drums that young lesbian the laundrette smells lovely uh yeah i know what you mean they don't like warm and like all it just smells nice don't it

have you ever sniffed someone sniffed someone else do you ever get like a a hug off someone or you close someone and it smells like they've just been to a like

I think you get used to the smell of your own detergent or whatever yeah when like it's a really strong smell it's a nice compliment to receive that you smell lovely

smell clean yeah no no just you smell good it's a very strong smell it's a nice compliment you smell lovely smell clean yeah no no just you smell good it's a very nice compliment to receive yeah and the alternative

is true as well like you stink of shit I don't like that when someone says that to me yeah yeah you want to avoid that you stink of shit I don't like that

ruins me day you know when you drop one of your weird Welsh stories it does it's a good silence it's not like someone just not being funny and then everyone like what like it's a good silence it's not like someone just not being funny

and then everyone like what like it's good it feels like like Arrested Development or something like that kind of comedy yeah we just have to

take it in a little bit there's plenty more where that came from I'll just bring them up when they come to me right there's one I thought of on holiday

but we'll save that no just say it now now now it's just what you told me you want to say yeah I remembered it we were talking about something to do with the toilet and i remembered something and i did this till too

late but it's more of a culture thing it's more of a culture turkish culture turkish culture okay i used to i used to go to the toilet oh my god and flush a greg's packet down the toilet yeah every week and then in Turkey, they didn't, well, when my dad was growing up, they didn't. And when I was first going over there as a kid,

they didn't have like the same kind of toilets. They have these toilets that are essentially like a hole in the ground. Squatty potty. Yeah. But you, to wipe your ass, you kind of have to like squat over it. So until the age of, must have been like 8 or 9

No! I used to squat on the Did you climb on a toilet? Yep Like fucking Tarzan when he first You used to stand on the toilet bowl We know what you did

You used to do that Like Mowgli? Yeah Until toilet bowl rim we know what you did used to do that like a mogli yeah until I can't remember why someone caught you someone was like what are you doing

did you do that on your rhinos I think I might I think I might have broken the toilet I think I got so old that I just broke the toilet because they're not made

to be like that you stood on yeah do you know what in motorway services toilets I actually wouldn't be against that I'd rather my shoe was on that fucking toilet seat

than my actual arse. I'd go Mowgli squat on the M62 services. But I'd sit down. I'd sit down normally. I'd sit down and do the shit. It was to wipe. I think maybe as a kid, I've just got it wrong.

Be like, oh, that's how you do it. So you would sit on the toilet seat, have a normal shit, and then you would stand on the rim of it to wipe it off. Yeah. Rill's mad. You've done it again. It's not real,

surely. Rill doesn't know. Oh, no, it's a weird combo. I reckon lots of people in Rill have seen it and gone, that's how you do it. It's a trend.

Should we do some more simple pleasures? Yeah. Okay. Keep coming out with yours though, if you want, Finn. This is from Cam Alto. When you stop a toaster early and the bread is perfectly toasted. Oh! Yeah.

And you think you've gone past it, you haven't. Nice. Yeah. Yeah. I've got no idea what settings my toast is on and i'm never changing them what i do is i put it down i give it the amount of time i think i get it up and i go yes or no for more yeah maybe four times i do that and i'll spin it as well so it's toaster on each side properly you flip it yeah you're spinning oh i get distracted

and burn toast i like burn toast though i don't let burn, but like if it does burn, I don't start again. I just accept burnt toast. Do you ever scratch off some of the, you know? No. If it's carbonized meat, I'll have all the carbon if you don't mind. I hate burnt toast.

Yeah, the crumpet settings fuck me up because you've got to go 10 for the crumpets because I like a crumpet to be done. I don't bother with a crumpet, mate. No? If I'm in yours and you offer me a crumpet, I'll have a crumpet. Because I love crumpets,

but I'm not buying crumpets. I'm exactly the same. Man don't buy no crumpet. It's weird, though. Yeah. Get enough crumpet, mate. Yeah. I love them.

Those square crumpets, by the way. Well done, anyone who fucking sorted that out. That was smart. I like it. I'm into it. Yeah, because it cooks easier. It's great. I'm fucking starving.

Right, this is from Baz. Last one, and then we'll do some's great. I'm fucking starving. Right, this is from Baz, last one, and then we'll do some questions. A good quality plastic bag, not a bag for life noncey one. I'm on about a plastic one. I'm not paying 20p. Just have a backpack.

Do you know what I mean? I know what he means. He means like from a corner shop, like a black plastic bag that they don't really do anymore. That's a simple pleasure for this man. Yeah. Yeah. Baz sounds like a this man. Yeah. Yeah.

Bad sounds like a cunt. I can... Yeah. Yeah, Bad sounds like he's got a very simple life. Yeah, I know what you mean.

Sex shops do a black plastic bag. Shouldn't have said that out loud. Anyway, luckily, my wife's not here. Right,

few questions. So, this is from Joshua. You know, when you get in port get in port gay port what i'll just leave it one it's from josh or how long do you think it would take you as a group to drain a swimming pool of drinkable water through drinking it how big's the swimming pool olympic size that's a olympic size let's see how much you're out there thing because you're scared of because you're scared of it exactly couple of hours couple of hours we'd all die

2.5 million litres of water three or four hours I could do five litres a day and then imagine breaking the seal you're fucked

you could do 10 litres a day if you were trying you could 10 litres a day if you were trying. You could. 10 litres? 20 bottles of water. You'd have to be trying hard. You could do one of them every hour.

Easy. You're not awake for 20 hours, though, are you? I actually am. When you start doing the Cambridge weight loss plan, or whatever it's called, CWP, they're mad about... Oh, yeah, use the code. What do you mean, Dan the um cwlp that's all they're obsessed with how much water you drink like you you need to

massively up your water just flush out because you fill up on water helps you that it's good for you so even if i don't know it helps you lose weight apparently but it's so good for you to to flush your system out with water, but there will be a point where it's too much. Like, 10 litres a day is fucking a lot,

innit? Yeah. You could do it. Yeah, but I think you'd be quite, like, sick, you know?

I think 10 litres, you could, I think that's on the offside line of what you could achieve. Told your babies can't drink water so it can't be that good

they all die don't they like when I'm when I'm conscious of like drinking water and trying to be healthy I can easily do 5 litres you can't drink water until you're like 6 months

right yeah but you can't eat solid food until you're 6 months so there's solid food bad for you you can't drive until you're 18

but water's quite a staple yeah you can't do mixed martial arts until you're a certain age so you can't rent till you're 18 but water's quite a staple yeah you can't do mixed martial arts until you're a certain age so you can't rent a car till you're 25 yeah

so it can't be good for you yeah because babies can't do it can't be an MP until you're 21 so that must be bad for you as well wouldn't work

no it's stupid alright yeah yeah what's more valuable what's more valuable to you being an MP or drinking water being an MP or drinking water? Being an MP would be... I mean, it'd be difficult to make it work with this podcast.

Where's my constituency? Right, let's do another question. This is from Jordan Barton. What isn't illegal but feels like it should be? What isn't illegal but feels like it should be? Stealing plastic bags from Tesco. It is legal, isn't it? Ste like it should be stealing plastic bags from Tesco it is legal isn't it

stealing no no one knows and everyone who does know doesn't care yeah I don't pay for bags from Tesco I'm not going to like it

even if they stood next to me I'd rob it in front of them yeah but it is illegal it is yeah no it is no I feel like it's so

not what is so what is illegal but you don't give a fuck about it is a other thing yeah yeah yeah also steaks

there's loads of them I'm not even taking the good ones fucking taste the difference that's taking the piss no but if the woman show up you go beep

and it goes do you help and the woman helps and you can steal a bag in front of her and she wouldn't give a fuck no and the ones who do

are absolute nerds oh the absolute Barbara that chases you out of a tesco going you've not paid for the bag yeah fuck off it's a scam starting at 5p it's about fucking six quid a bag no it is yeah and that's not hyperbole the bag charge was so such short sighted government shake they were like right people are using too many plastic bags they take too long to biodegrade what we need to do is start charging people we'll get rid of them ones we'll get thicker ones

we'll charge them more for them and they'll keep them and they'll keep bringing them back and what's happened is people are just using thicker bags

which take even longer to biodegrade and no one is taking their own bags to shop my plastic bag drawer in the kitchen is insane.

It must be worth about 40 grand. I use mine as bin bags. Do you? Oh, you're like on the back of a door. I'd never heard the phrase bag for life until they were like, it's 5p, but that's 5p well spent because that's a bag for life, isn't it? You'll use it forever.

You will use it forever. It was a scam and now we pay 20p a bag and we're all just okay with it. It's 30 in some shops. Is it? Yeah. It's £4.50 in some shops. If pay 20p a bag And we're all just okay with it It's 30 in some shops Is it? Yeah It's £4.50 in some shops If you're buying a bag yeah

Just saying that's a disgrace Stealing them I don't condone it But you know I've seen people do it You just said you'd do it I'll do it in my head Is there anything else?

Is it illegal to fuck outside? We discussed this recently Is that illegal? Is that like You know if you you know consensually banging your lady

like in the woods in the woods if you fuck your woman in the woods and no one's around to see her can you go to prison does it even happen

google is it illegal to have sex in public it is isn't it it definitely is yeah it's public indecency what if no one can see what if no one's

what if no one's looking not in front of the goths it's only public indecency if you? If no one can see? What if no one's looking? Not in front of the Goths. It's only public indecency if you're shit in bed. If you're good at it, the police officer's like, it's decent. I mean,

there wasn't anyone here, but they formed a crowd around you. Ah, two. Ah, two. Ah, two.

Uh, yeah. It's a crime. Yeah. It's a crime? It's a crime. What's a crime? So,

one minute. So, sexual activity in public toilets is an offence, but sex in other public places isn't, unless it's witnessed or there's a reasonable chance of at least two members of the public might see what's happening. So if it's one, if you've just got a voyeur... Don't do it alone. It's like a shag someone in the garden of a man who lives alone.

A blind man. No, because if one person sees it, it's fine. What a way to get done for trespassing, that is. Well, I'm not against sex, but not on my lawn. Don't do it at the match. Yeah, that'd be bang out of order. But it's not illegal to bang outside. I don't think so. I think it's like,

I think it's just like on each case, isn't it? If you're shagging, like, on the M62, yeah. But if it's like... That's high-risk dogging, isn't it? In like a bushgingly on the m62 yeah but if it's like that's high-risk dogging in it in like a bush in the park so this this is confusing uh it's not illegal to have sex in your car although you'd be breaking law and fined up to oh wait i didn't read the rest of the sentence five thousand if you're driving poppers feel poppers feels like it should be illegal but it's it's just at shops

yeah I mean that's a good one it's not at fucking John Lewis no but they are they are in John Lewis

they just can't so we used to use them in works for cream machines oh you're thinking of NOS that's not poppers oh do you mean the I was about to say what fucking John Lewis

have you been to yeah yeah you want you want a lovely vase and to relax your arsehole for sex? We do it all at John Lewis. Rumour on what it's called. You're thinking nitrous oxide.

I'm thinking of the balloons. The balloons, sorry. That is illegal now, isn't it? I think it's type C, isn't it? The gases, balloons are still legal. No, that's how clunky the Tories are. It's just nitrous oxide used for, as I say, we used to use it in the gas the cream canisters

nothing gas you just put them two legal things together helium balloons feel like they should be illegal because they float and you don't trust them that's exactly why

I don't trust that mate I mean just oh that's lighter than the air how have you ever thought about that is fucking mental innit just are you potted

are you potted Finn you're giving big potted fucking vibes here mate no I'm not don't get potted are you potted Finn you're giving big potted fucking vibes here mate no I'm not don't get potted on this podcast if someone got weed

and did it on this podcast I'd be fuming it's not a harmful substance but it is fucking mental innit yeah so it's like Diet Coke

but it's lovely innit go on walk us through that why is it mental because it floats that's not what I'm on about I'm on about the voice.

Oh yeah, I don't trust that either. It's dangerous. It makes your throat close over. That's what the noise is. Yeah. You could drink petrol. That's not illegal either.

That would fuck you up. Yeah, but babies aren't allowed to do it. So it's probably not good. They say that with babies. In the hospital, they're like, this is how you get them to latch on for breastfeeding

and don't give them diesel we shouldn't have to say but we do I always thought diesel was a solid until I was old enough to I should have known

can you just check the legality of poppers oh my god what do you mean you thought diesel was a solid I don't know I don't know

where I thought it worked but I thought it was more solid than petrol oh poppers oh pass down your dirt bag oh I never liked it. Basil brush.

And then your head went fucking... Like a hot head in a warm bumhole. It's a microwave, isn't it, in a bottle? Horrible. It says they're not safe, but they can sell them. They do sell them? They sell them in most off-licenses? It says they're not safe,

and it says they're used for chest pain. They're used to get gay people's bum holes open so they can take a big... Not just the gay people, the ladies who like the butty in the cocky. Put your butty in the cocky?

Put your bum in the cocky. The cocky in the butty. Put my bum up your cock. The dyslexic ladies who like anal sex. I want your butty in my cocky. It's predominantly used by the homosexual community,

though, isn't it? Thank you, Adam. Thank you for speaking for the people that you, isn't it? Thank you, Adam. Thank you for speaking for the people that you represent. No, no, no. Microwaves? What do you mean? Loads of gay people use microwaves. That is just a fact.

How does it work? If your head goes big, why does your bum all go big? Does everything go big? Your head doesn't go big. It feels like it. When I go home for this, that sounded... Whoa, my fucking head's gone massive it just goes on it files it like i'm telling you i've been there i've been the club um it makes your head feel like it's gonna pop now my head just feels warm when i have them

when are you having poppers i mean i haven't done it for a while but i've done it before makes me i'd feel a lot and i can tell me assholes paul satan you actually having poppers? I mean, I haven't done it for a while, but I've done it before. It makes me head free a lot. And I can tell me arseholes, Paul Satan. Have you actually done poppers? I have. Have you? Loads. You're lying. It's just the thing you can smell in the offy.

I mean, I haven't done it in the off license. No, I mean, you sell it in the offy. You're right, lad. It's just the thing you can... I've had a bottle of vodka, 20 ciggies, and... This episode is sponsored by poppers. It's just the thing you've had a bottle of vodka 20 ciggies And I'm gone This episode is sponsored by Poppers It's just the thing

You can smell in the office Along with crisps No I used to do it in the club What? In EBGBs? I've done I've done poppers in the club Yeah

In the club? It's just a little bottle of like In the gay club? Tapes? In the straight club? It's not you You've not done that I have It's just a little bottle of like in the gay club tapes in the straight club it's not you you've not done that I have

it's just a little bottle of tapes he actually has I don't know why this is such a mad lie he's a potsman as well I'm a fucking like Ronnie O'Sullivan

I've never done him have you not no not even in the club not even in the club not even in your Welsh childhood you sniff washing machines

but you haven't had poppers fucking Finn at the after party pass that washing machine round like oh my god bosh Not even in your Welsh childhood. You sniff washing machines, but you haven't had poppers. Fucking Finn at the after party, pass that washing machine around. Oh my God. Bosch. Bosch.

Is it Bosch the brand? I don't know. Zanussi, lad. Fuck on. Hard point me, man. Right. Should we do some underrated, overratedrated overrated um right so this is from shane for sure gap years and backpacking around asia

i didn't even do that i went nah that shows how low it was. That's fucking stupid. What is it? Gap years and backpacking round Asia. Gap years. And then boring fucking stories. When Carl was on the poppers.

Go on. So basically, gap years and people that come back and don't stop going on about it. Is it underrated? Oh shit, we've not done the underrated over it. Wrong one. No, I know. It's the yellow one

in my head it's yellow yeah all brown now it's yellow underrated overrated gap years it is isn't it

yeah it's not blue is it that's weird country music is yellow in my head he's right yeah it's yellow and brown to me

do you know what I mean do you know this is where you associate like colours or like smells or sounds with like stuff that it's yellow and brown to me do you know what I mean do you know this way you associate like colours or like smells or sounds with like stuff that it's not technically like rap

it's just like country music music feels yellow that must be a kind of like what's it called synesthesia or something yeah yeah yeah

one of them what colour is drum and bass pink it's like a kaleidoscope oh cool it's just too much wow that's very visual we got any other ones like It's like a kaleidoscope. Oh, cool. It's just too much. Wow. That's very visual.

We got any other ones? Like, what's like... What's pop music? Red. Pop music's like... Orange. Pink? Yeah, it's a bit bubblegum in it.

Yeah, it's like a... Pink going towards purple. Right. Cool. Rap music? Black. Well, it is cool it is black though and i'm not even talking like the the most common race of rappers i'm talking like actual black like rap music he's a rapper as hello my name Actual Black this is my EP guesting with

Young Ghost oh no what was it Young Ghosty Young Ghosty and then like folk music green brown

it's got no colour to me folk music as in like I feel like that give me an example of what folk music is because Jerry Cinnamon is technically folk music Jamie Webster's... Give me an example of what folk music is. Because Jerry Cinnamon is technically folk music.

Jamie Webster's technically folk as well. He got a folk album with a year, didn't he? It's like a dark blue. This makes no sense to me. I guarantee you people listening are like... This is a thing though, isn't it?

This is like... Synesthesia, I think it's called. It's how you relate things to different things and especially colours. People can paint songs. Like they see... That's how they see a song. They don't hear it. They can just see it especially colours. People can paint songs. That's how they see a song.

They don't hear it, they can just see it in colours. I'm as bad at this as I am at middles. Folk music, I don't know. I can't place it. Royal blue. Folk music, I think, is green. I think Dan's right. Rock music? Rock music's black as well.

Red? Red. I go immediately red. No, rock's like black or red. It's like a Cherry Coke can. The OG one. Ooh, nice. Okay.

There's some things that... There'll be also people listening going, I have no idea what you're talking about. It's mad how people's brains are just geared differently. Until he said that country music is yellow thing. As soon as he said it, I was like, yeah, that's a fact. Yeah.

Amazing. Yellow. Amazing. Yellow bellies. Underrated over it. What is it? Gap years? Yeah. And then he's all, who's it from? Shane Forshaw.

You sure? That's similar to what I said. I mean, I never did one. I never did a gap year. You didn't go to uni? No, but you definitely, didn't you hang around with posh people at uni yeah so surely they were

they were all like yeah I was on my gap year I've been on a gap year I don't know anyone I went to India and I found myself and I was still a cunt they were

fucking annoying are they self-deprecating people these I know a lot of people that went for like a gap year but after uni they say they went home

worked and then went travelling well I did it didn't I after uni I'm still like a gap year but after uni they say they went home worked and then went traveling well i did it didn't i after uni yeah i'm still on my gap year technically but i think i think it's like does he mean like backpacking and stuff yeah yeah right i never did it or it looked like they probably had an amazing time but the stories were fucking boring like oh it's an outsider feels overrated by the people who've done it. It's a lot of raves now. What? I think you'd have liked that.

Can I have a gap year? Like, people go to Thailand and have raves in the forest. I know that sounds like your 25-year-old dream, but... Missed out there. You all right?

Yeah. Just fixing his underpants. All right, okay. Right, get warm, these chairs. Another underrated overrated that's a lot of leg ham that

this is from Luke Aaron Scanlon pub quizzes and other pub activities what's a pub activity I think there are darts I personally think pub quizzes are overrated

yours is great mine isn't a pub quiz that's it's a quiz in a pub like isn't it no did it in a warehouse did they

yeah but it's normally in a pub innit it's in a boozer oh it's a quiz in a pub like isn't it no they did it in a warehouse did they yeah but it's normally in a pub innit it's in a boozer oh it's a boozer quiz sorry Cal they're great careful I think they're overrated

I do ours is great do you think the pub in general is overrated no the pub's the best place on the planet the pub's better than the pub

but that's a good one you said that a good one because there's some bad pubs in there yeah but like a lot of wanky cocktail bars are overrated because That's a good one. That's not saying you said that. A good one. Because there's some bad pubs in there. Yeah. But like a lot of wanky cocktail bars are overrated. Because to make a good cocktail,

you need a really good bartender. And there's not enough people who do that job and give a shit about it to go round. So you notice when you get a really good drink done. So cocktail bars are overrated. Pubs are underrated. Nightclubs shouldn't exist because I don't like going anymore. It is all just about the people that are in it though. Because I've beenrated, pubs are underrated, nightclubs shouldn't exist because I don't like going anymore. It is all just about,

it is all just about the people that are in it though because I've been in some pubs and you're like, this isn't a fucking great pub. But if it's full of sound people and the atmosphere is good because it's the people in it really.

Yeah. You could go to your favourite boozer in Liverpool and if it was full of the wrong bunch of knobheads. The thing is though the rubber sole keep people like that out

yeah yeah the bounces are good I've been in places where there'd be some fucking conference going on near and they've all decided that that's where they're going

and you're like oh like Teddies that night when the fucking actuaries conference all let out and they managed

to make their way it was like Teddies had been taken over by fucking head mistresses and head masters it was like teddies had been taken over by fucking head mistresses and head masters it was like oh all these suits

changes instantly they were soundboard the club's full of kids as well isn't it the club's full of kids erm the club's full of kids doing on paps

and then paps in the club like you look stupid but you look stupid in the club now which is sad I think I'd look stupider on a gap year I think that would look bad

so are you saying Dan's looked stupid in the club for 10 years yeah I haven't been to a nightclub for 10 years absolutely Teddy's is kind of a nightclub

no not really nightclub it needs to be a DJ and there's like a big dance floor and it's bouncing what would you describe it as then a late bar yeah it's a bar Teddy's is still a bar

it's a late dive bar it's not a nightclub what's pop world then so what's a nightclub a late dive bar. It's not a nightclub. What's Pop World then? So what's a nightclub? Pop World's a... What are you defining as a nightclub then? Pop World's a nightclub. It's a...

It's a soft one though, isn't it? What time does Pop World open? It doesn't get going until like midday. No, what time does it open? 10. It's not open at all till 10 o'clock at night. Let's Google it.

I think it's like 9 or 10, yeah. All right, then it's a nightclub. I'll give you that. If it's open think it's like 9 I'll tell you alright then it's a nightclub I'll give you that if it's open 9 o'clock alright cool it's a nightclub Teddy's is open in the afternoon isn't it

you can go in for a drink it's my favourite place it's like MV was back in the day when it's like you know you're in the club you can't sit down is that from the music

the music the people the drinks the atmosphere there's like smoke in there there isn't like people standing around talking god I'd love to go clubbing again not that clubbing The music, the people, the drinks, the atmosphere. There's like smoke in there. It isn't like people standing around talking. God, I'd love to go clubbing again.

Not that clubbing. Proper fucking clubbing. Right, we're going to do a speed bread underrated, overrated. And then close this section out. Types of bread. So, baguette. Underrated. I love baguettes.

I think they're great. Just even, just a little bit with a bit of butter on yeah my mum used to do that with bolognese so with bolognese we used to have spaghetti bolognese

and then a plate of like little circles of baguettes with butter on and a plate of chips that was our bolognese loads of butter though yeah

yeah oh meat baguettes are underrated you can do so much with a baguette you can knock someone out with a big hat. Right. Tiger bread.

Overrated. It's good, but it's overrated. People like cream. People are like, fucking tiger bread. Give us it. Fucking sugar. Oh my God.

It's the best bit. It's not. It's sound. It's good, but it's not like people cheers and over it. Bagel. Get rid of it. Overrated.

That's the hottest thing in the world, isn't it? Overrated by the Jews underrated by other people people denominations of religion

what if the Muslims underrated bagels they do they defo do they ate the Jews I think it was

bagels not Jews I think it was bagels not Jews though I don't think you've missed the mark oh it's a big it's a big snack Jewish snack innit the bagel

bagel and salmon but like bagels are fucking great but the Jews think you know they're a bit too hyped have you ever got one out of a toaster before

yeah and you end up in A&E and then they made those cinnamon and raisin ones and the raisins come out of the toaster at 450 degrees Celsius a Reuben bagel

from like a good bagel in New York is just it's very good a lot of people underrate them if you're a gentile you're not into it

okay focaccia oh I like a focaccia oh it's great nice and soft just talk me through a focaccia it's just a little bit

of olive oil some rosemary and some salt on a flatbread essentially nah I think that's shite love it

I like a focaccia a butty it's underrated press bros for me right last one a naan bread

so rated but I tell you what I think it's overrated because people I think people only get a naan bread with a curry and I think people like pretend they love it but in reality I think it's overrated because people I think people only get a naan bread with a curry and I think

people like pretend they love it but in reality I think I'd rather have a baguette with me curry that sounds insane you are just buying the bread you're buying the only bread

you can buy the naan bread when you get a kebab if it's a really nice thin naan bread and not just a cheap wrap I'm so much happier I love naan I totally disagree but a bad naan like a school dinner naan bread like not just a cheap wrap I'm so much happier I love naan I totally disagree

but a bad naan like a school dinner naan bread like the ones you get at Tesco fuck me they're bad driest thing of all time they're awful

yeah I'd rather have a baguette with me curry I think he's right there you know you are just taking the only bread you've got if there's other bread

options naan's not at the top what for a curry? yeah nah I'm taking naan also there's so many different ones Peshawari's sneaky fucking good as well

I've grown up I don't like a plain none no I used to get cheesy ones and now I've grown up I just like garlic yeah

garlic's the one I'll sway into but I go for the plain I'm starving I don't know why you would want less flavour because the flavour's

in the curry and with that food we've gone a break enjoy Harry it's a fucking belter he tuned into us so good he's a ledge hey you

the podcast's on a little break here isn't it there's nothing for you to listen to so why don't you do us a favour while we're on a break like this if you're on YouTube subscribe to the channel if you're on YouTube

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all our socials, at Have A Word Pod. Give us a follow. If you see a video, like it and share it. It costs you nothing, makes the world a different source, you know what I mean?

Why are you being a dick about it? Don't be sly. Share it, you fucking lid. I'll be a fucking rat. Welcome to the studio, Ari Shafir. Thanks, bud. Coming in.

Yeah. Nice operation here. Yeah, it's good, isn't it? Like, we're not going to fucking bother doing the ceiling or anything. That's just going to stay as it is. But yeah, pretty much.

What's up? Did you hear it when it rains? Yeah. It really goes for it. Yeah, nice. Also, we've got a fucking seagull problem. Really?

You can hear the seagulls sometimes. That's cool. And we've got... It's ambience. They bring a hawk. They bring a hawk. To kill the seagulls? No, to...

To chase, like, scare the seagulls. No, he doesn't. The hawk just stays on the arm. Oh, you missed that. And all the seagulls go, fuck, I'm mad. Have you not seen it? What?

Yeah, Henrietta the hawk. The hawk stands on those stairs. It's a hawker. It's a guy. No, a hawk, the bird. Birds of prey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not the guy going, hey!

Is that a guy with a hawk, or is it just a wild? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not a guy going, hey! You know what I mean? It's a guy with a hawk or it's a wild. Yeah. But they don't let it off, which is what we all asked for. Yeah. We were like, I fucking hate seagulls. They're horrible. The pedophiles of the sky.

I've said it before. They're mean. I wanted to see the hawk let off. Let's go and do some fucking damage. No. Pay a little more. I haven't seen this one. It's basically a scarecrow. That would have been a great spot for you to bung the hawk lady and be like there's a fiver release the

beast i'm a big fan of bribes it's hard when it's like a uh like a public official yeah because it feels pretty illegal but man when it works yeah oh it's fucking great yes i bribed a woman to get a glass instead of a plastic in a pub like give you a fiver give me a glass and they go and they go you're okay yeah and then I hit her with it she's like ah

he bribes everyone it's the fiver boss it's his fucking go to it's go to you've tested positive for covid no I've not did I

did I though did I I bribed a woman who works at my building for a parking spot and then I talked about it on the podcast and it got back to her

because all the residents who listened to the show were like I've been on the wait list for a parking spot for like a year and I haven't got one but I heard Adam Rose

got one and he said he bribed you yeah yeah their price has just gone up hasn't it that's all do you mean

they know the price now she's like oh you just gotta pay more doubled now yeah but then you just go hey it's a podcast we were joking we were joking yeah hey that's what my parents do when i do bits about fucking chicks with herpes i was like no come on i am i i got a little message when i was in new york from my

i went on um flagrant and was talking about when we went to a Luke Combs concert in Nashville and I described it as a conveyor belt of women attractive women walking down and I said I just couldn't stop looking at them she was like I've just been listening to flagrant and apparently there was a conveyor belt of women with cowgirl outfits on and you couldn't stop looking at them and I was like you're just going to have to stop listening

to the podcast because there's nothing I can do all you did there was say what happened yeah I was looking and i do look i look at women all the time i look at their arses their legs their faces their hats all of it i don't even see i'm married i don't even see women i just see humans who i respect and some are wearing fucking hot pants and cowboy boots, and I want to fuck them. Those people. I'm a pervert. And if you're going to be in my life,

you're going to just have to accept that your partner's a pervert. I am a pervert. I'm just going to tell that girlfriend that was like, hey, yeah, I saw them, but none of them are as attractive as you. And then when she's like, that's nice, go, you're dumb. Yeah, but I did that. She said she wants honesty in a relationship, so I can't be lying. You know what I mean mean they would all fucking what's the uh opinion of nashville because we went to zany's we went to

nashville we're eight days as an american comic good place to gig good place to tour apart from the you know i mean i love nashville people think it's like christian but it's it's like hookers and drugs it's music so it's not it's not that christian it's got a christian like base to it but i like it yeah we went out to a ranch just outside of nashville for the day yeah they were christian they were christian as fuck yeah they baptized him that's cool with moonshine i didn't see the hookers and drugs where was i looking everywhere what oh yeah if there's music there's drugs if

there's drugs there's hookers yeah country music johnny cash did drugs you might have now i'm thinking about it yeah it's all you just can't go to the tourist parts of town you gotta go just off oh yeah yeah but not too definitely hookers on broadway in nashville yeah upscale fucking hell like you could see them a mile off. You know, I see that woman who come up to me and went, and I was like, no. I thought she was just one of the locals. I thought she was a Christian.

So Christian around here, like, jamming God down your throat. Here's how you find a hooker, like in Vegas. If you see a pretty girl, like a slot machine or something like that, you just say hi. If she says hi back, that's a hooker. Oh, really? Yeah.

Oh, wow. What happens if they're just polite? No, there's not that. They don't have that. Hello. Hooker. Yeah. See, the thing with me is,

I constantly believe that any sign of any politeness from any woman means they want to fuck me. Oh, God. I agree with you. You know what I mean? Like, if a woman likes my Instagram post, I'm like, she wants to fuck me. Oh, God. I agree with you. You know what I mean? Like, if a woman likes my Instagram post, I'm like, she wants to fuck so bad.

Wow. 3,000 women, every post. I would suck that dick. Yeah, that's what it is. Not a hired gun, though. The hired gun, if they work somewhere

and they're like, here's your food, you're like, you whore. Like, that's not, that's a waitress. Oh, yeah. Oh, right, all right. I'm not fucking stupid.

I know the ones who are just after your money. Now mean the whole if they're serving somewhere then that doesn't count is it no that doesn't count all right cool no online oh really yeah oh in the wild online yeah or yeah right for serving right it doesn't count to me instagram story yeah you want me to clap those shit i want to go back to Nashville. I missed the fun stuff. Oh, you got to do drugs in Nashville, dude.

Oh. Yeah. Dan's a recovering coke addict. But when you say recovering, he's not really bothered about it.

He's just slowed down. He's just slowed. I just do it less. He's like, I've got a coke problem. I need to stop at 41. And then three months later, he was like,

I'm just not going to do it in the office. On your own. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like i'm professional now it's weekends sometimes you know yeah sometimes fucking pharmaceuticals here are so much better than in america are they oh yeah they're so pure here the pills oh god you guys do it right yeah what what are you what are we talking about pharmaceuticals-wise? Like Mandy and like, but any pills, any powder, it's just better here.

Coke's better, because it's like, it's got further to come from like, You need a Mexico though, aren't you? Surely you must get the Mexican shit. It's all been compromised there. Yeah. Fucking, you know, in Australia,

they'll cut it with baby powder, and in Mexico, they cut it with fucking murder drugs. Oh, yeah, there's like a big fentanyl problem isn't it yeah fucking dropping it you guys have it good there's nothing wrong with a bit of baby laxative by the way you know it's good coke when you have a big line and then need to poo immediately yeah it's so good it's actually a nice feeling it's like this night's about to get going why i just do the laxative. I might get down in a different way. Shit, you've got a toddler.

I've got a stomach condition that makes anything a laxative so I'm constantly on coke essentially. Yeah, you're a one man party. Why do drug dealers cut their drugs? Why? What's the point?

To stretch them so they get more money out of the club. Yeah, but like wouldn't it be better So they've got one drugs they've got one drugs they've got one order of drugs

and that's a hundred pounds and then they go do you know what we should do that's a hundred pounds yeah and then they go do you know what we should do split half of these drugs and then put some baby laxatives in and still charge a hundred pounds but twice right yeah that's why they do i get that yeah but wouldn't it be better if like there was just like an amnesty on drug dealers and they were like look we're not going to cut it anymore you're going to get less for your money but it's going to be pure that's why heisenberg was good because he made the real shit what you're talking about is government regulation i think that's what you've just described will only happen without the government or the old colombian stuff the old

colombian that they said like early days in like new york in the 60s was like it was just like the best oh i'd love to you got high just being in the same room as an eight ball oh i'd love to do that is columbia like coke disneyland Is that the gaff? Yeah. Is that the main place? Yeah, but they also give tourists, they cut up for tourists. You got to leave the local and then get like the real stuff.

You've got to do an accent. You've got to turn up. Or you just got to fuck a local. You know, my friend, I am from the local area. I would like a good cocaine. That's good,

dude. That's a good Colombian. Wow. Whereabouts are you from? I didn't know you were in Colombia there for a second. Try a Colombian as well. Well, we won't give you this shit.

But with fentanyl and baby laxatives. Oh, what about? Which part of the local? I live on 4th Road. 4th Road. I live on 4th Road. Ah, my nan lives on 4th. You got the good shit.

Isabel. Isabel, yes. That's a good guess. Isabel. Sorry. Isabel. It's on my throat. You need a cough son

well you're either going to get good drugs or get shot in the head twice aren't you I'm a believable Colombian aren't I no

no no I don't think so oh I get it okay because it's a little dark you know what I mean yeah

maybe yeah maybe you can eat a tan welcome to Colombia that's dead on bro that's dead on you should be an actor don't tell him

because it goes in and he takes it seriously no I'm serious though he should be that's a legit accent I would like to do some acting eventually like not comedy roles

but like serious roles you know what I mean yeah wait Adam give me you come home from work you find out that your dog's been shot

and then your girlfriend got raped by the dog before he got shot. And so she's pissed about the rape. But also, you lost your dog. And go. No, but in an accent. Give it the accent. In Colombian. And go.

Oh, my God. Why is the dog dead? And why is your butthole bleeding? The dog was raping. I don't believe it. Blame her. What did you do? What did you do to my dog?

I'm going to fucking kill you bitch She probably shot the dog She probably shot the dog for raping her That's Benicio Del Toro Where's he got that from? Finn, can I have my coffee please? Are you the white Americano? Yeah, and so is I

He's English He is the Hispanic victim, blabber. What an odd choice to get the coffee and refuse to pass it out. It's classic Finn. Thank you.

There you go, sir. There is your coffee, Arnie. Oh, nice. And I would also say he's in, don't worry. Nah, yeah, this is not the good stuff. he's in, don't worry. No. Yeah, this is not the good stuff. This is cut with fentanyl. So we're nowhere near South America. The thing is in America, though,

when you watch, say, watch like an American stream of a sport, all of the advertisements are for pharmaceuticals. Oh, yeah. Obviously the legal shit. Yeah, that's why we can't, maybe that's why we can't get the good stuff. Yeah, you can get the good legal shit, though.

Yeah. Also, ibuprofen should not be sold in bottles of 580 tablets do you od i went to walgreens a couple of weeks ago i was like the fuck is that it's like a fucking school's worth of ibuprofen what do you guys get here we can only get 14 you can buy one pack at once wow and if you try and buy two packs at the same time they they go, oh God, you can't have all these. What do you mean? Ibuprofen? Yeah, and paracetamol too. What could you do with it?

Top yourself very slowly outside. If you had two boxes full of paracetamol, no, you're not dying. That's it. You're in pain. You're not allowed a third. Yeah. Because it'll cut your stomach lining?

Like, who would do that? You'd just be in pain. You wouldn't die. Stupid people would do that. Stupid people. We have a lot. Stupid people would do that. Stupid people. We have a lot of stupid people. In America, you can see yourself off before you've even got to the checkout.

Yeah. But also, you could just go back in two minutes later and just buy another one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The same woman. Hello, I have not been in here yet. With the voice saying. Hello, my Liver Bodley and brother was in recently.

He says that you sell paracetamol. Oh, there you go. Yeah. Just hold your hand up. I'm a different guy with a mustache. Al Pacino just came in. Wear your drugs. Dude, I love these little cultural differences

that I don't know anything about until you get here. Shit like that. That was a big shock for us in America. Like, the gun thing. Like, obviously we heard about it,

but just like everyone having a gun just on their belt in Nashville. In Nashville. We were like, what the fuck's going on? Yeah, it was,

we went to a gun range and we fuck about a lot. We walked in that gun range. Well, they're definitely going to have guns there. Oh, I mean, no,

but, because we hadn't really seen them, had we? Until that point. It was like the third, fourth day in and then. Oh, yeah. Oh, I know, but... Because we hadn't really seen them, had we? Until that point. It was like the third, fourth day in, and then... Oh, yeah. Oh, that wasn't... It was in Thailand, and we went to, like, gun range,

and one of the guys in our group was from somewhere in the UK, maybe London or whatever, but he's like, I just want to hold one. I've never... And we're like, whoa. That was all of us. All of us. Really?

Yeah. We went from, like, nervous holding them to literally right at the end, like... Like unloading, like, ah! Like unloading like assassins. They are fun, huh? Everyone got bored in the end. It was just me and Jack.

Like there was like a hundred bullets left and we were like, should we just keep playing until they're all gone? Like they'd all gone for like a sit down and a calm down. It was like, fucking no! You get it though, right?

It gives you power. Yeah. I felt like a cock on legs. Do you know what freaked me about the gun range? It wasn't us shooting the guns. It was the eight other cunts who just filed in to use the other lanes. I know it's not bowling, but it felt like it. And you'd be like, oh, yeah, Adam's about to shoot,

and then someone would go, do-do-do-do-do. And I hated that. Because I was like, I know none of us are full psychos, you know, nearly, but not full psychos. What if one of them was like, you know what I'm going to do? Yeah, she just has to turn, and we're all dead. Yeah, and then they get the rest of the guns.

It's probably a good move. Yeah. Couple straight out, you get a couple people at once each time and then grab their guns and go. I don't think it's an easy escape though, is it?

Because you've got to get past the staff at the checkout with the fucking machine guns and stuff. I think it would have been like, if he'd have turned around, he might have got one shot off, but then I'd have just blown

his fucking head off. But would they know? Yeah, they'll hear gunfire. Someone's shooting. Two seconds. Two seconds just checking Instagram. You shit, oh, Carl's dead. Two seconds.

Yeah, Twitter. Two seconds. Yeah, I'm gonna fucking shoot him. You gotta do a roll. As long as you can do a roll and pop up, then you're good. I would have been in luck. There's no luck to kill them.

And they've got one off and now they're going, oh, sneeze gone have you got a good harry do you live in la i live in new york oh you live in new york used to live in la uh-huh do you have a gun no no that'd be a fun gun range the gun laws in? The gun laws in New York are like the strictest in America, though, aren't they? Are they? Pretty much. Yeah, but like most laws in New York, if you're white, they don't apply. It's like, it's not for us. I love New York.

Dude, it's the best. Yeah, I just love walking around, just being there. They came home from Nashville. Me and Jack just went to new york for four days yeah and i just i want to live there or in america i was just fucking sick of this place really yeah yeah he's not you come back and it's just fucking he's not allowed to go on his dick's too big yeah better in america can't get acting work yeah england there's shit well when you leave england you realize how shit it is new york is i'm trying to look at like what's a cool neighborhood in london like if i want to hang out and so i'm staying in dalston but i want like a sort of hipster vibe without like two there's

nothing open late at night food wise you have so many options in new york if i'm at 3 a.m and you're like i want chinese food you're like, what region? So Liverpool is a lot more similar to New York than London is. Liverpool you can drink till 6am and you can eat till the same. More than just chip shops or clubs? You can have a sit down Chinese at 4am. What did they do here before immigrants?

Was there any food open late at night? Yeah, it was just pies. Just pies, nice. Before immigrants immigrants everywhere closed at like 10pm didn't it yeah but London is shit for late

yeah why if you're hungry at 1am you're just hungry London's just a bad drinking town there must be some decent places open in London

no you just I don't feel like you know them when you're there there's Chinatown but Chinatown's grim in London like all the food's

fucking terrible all of it yeah because they don't have to be good because they're in the middle of London they're like people are going to come anyway wow But Chinatown's grim in London. Like, all the food's fucking terrible. All of it. Yeah. Because they don't have to be good, because they're in the middle of London. They're like, people are going to come anyway. Wow.

Do you guys live in the shadow of London? The rest of the UK sort of does. Because it's just so much... We shouldn't. We shouldn't. It's better here. And this is still shit. It's so much bigger than any other city.

Right. Like, it's five, six, seven, ten times the size. Yeah. In New Yorkork there's other big cities you know there's there's chicago it's another like it stands on its own but new york is the best new york is the fucking best chicago's best no new york is the best oh yeah yeah yeah drugs are there great there that fucking music every band goes through new york yeah like at every level oh god damn i love new York. How long are you away?

How long is this tour? This will be a month. Right. I'll finish in Greece. I'm just doing some weird countries. Greece? Yeah, we're going to Romania.

Oh God. Yeah, my agents hate it. All my Jews are like, what the fuck are you doing? They're like, you can't, you can only stay in UK

where they speak English. And I'm like, nah, I'll do three gigs and I'm moving on. Yeah, but you want to do some fun stuff. You want to go go and see places you're basically just paying for a holiday with gigging exactly that's what you're doing isn't it yeah and then tax deductible i told my i tried to

get my dad to go to romania with me i was like come on and he's like i don't want to go uh he was from there um and i'm like why don't you want to go back because i just i don't want to go back he has a little bit of trauma from the holocaust i guess fair enough a little bit yeah i mean don't you want to have a beer where you would have been is that why romania is on romania is on the tour yeah oh wow yeah what else are you doing slovenia yeah you know huge scene in slovenia really yeah that's really? I go three times a year and you'll be doing me new stuff and again you'll be alright because you're white

I'm looking for an NBA center and then normal ones Stockholm and Amsterdam and I don't know what else Berlin, oh I can't wait for Berlin oh there's drugs in Berlin to my friend told me last time I was like how do I get drugs? I want to go, like, dance and get drugs.

Just go to the bathroom and you'll get them. Is that what you do? Because I'm not a drug guy. He's a drug guy. I like a bit of pot. But, like, apart from that... What?

You aren't a pot man? But, like, apart from that, I don't really... Like, is that what you do? You just go into a toilet and tell drugs appear? Not in New York. Is that what it is here?

No. You get a number. You get? No. You get a number. You get, right. You get a number. Signal. That's the way. Otherwise you are going to be buying apps. What about in Berlin?

Like if you went to Berlin and you want to, you know, do a bit of body popping on that, you need some pills. Need some pills to get you going. How are you going to get your drugs in Berlin? What's the club called? The Burgine.

The Burgine. Do some body popping. Burgine. So many drugs there last time. I, I, so I went, I pissed. I was like, all right, take it. And then I was like, no drugs i pissed i was like all right take it and then i was like no drugs i was like all right i don't i don't understand and the next time i went to the urinal urinal and uh pit and then just some guys right there hello yeah i don't like what are you doing goes do you want to come to the bathroom with me i was like maybe it's gonna be sex or juvenile now then he went to like the shitter

but yeah oh in the cubicle and then coke cat ecstasy just like on and on I was like you back again

he goes let's go oh so fucking great this was in Berlin in Berlin the last time what's your drug what's your like

I'm going I want to have fun what's your from my limited knowledge of Ari's drug life from listening to podcasts and watching clips on the internet, it's all of them.

I do like all of them. I'm not such a coker. I'll do it if people are doing it, but Mandy, I like a lot. But then I don't know. What was the drug you drugged Burt with? What? What did you spike Burt with?

Mandy. Yeah. More ecstasy. A little bit of speed in there. Yeah. A dirty bomb. I i mean i did it too i didn't do three times as much as him i was watching an interview with uh big jay when he released the special a couple of weeks ago because so they tried to get arry back

and spike his drink but i didn't know what they were doing so just switched his drink with big jay and then they were like, ah, you're on fucking everything right now. And he was like, am I, or did I know what you were doing? And as big Jay just drank all of it. Dude, so I knew that Shane tipped me off. He goes, hey, they're going to put acid in your beer. I was like, good note.

And then, so I'm seeing bubbly with like a little piece of white on top. And I'm like, what do I do with this? What do I do with this? And I keep going like this. I keep like going like that that to fool them, whatever. And then Jay gets up, and then I just switch. There's a scene where Shane knows he's right over my shoulder,

and you can see a still frame of him just going. But he's like, comedian is like, oh, I can't tell anybody. So I just kind of like, no. It's so fun. Yeah, and then I started acting like I was on acid for the next like 40 minutes as they're like laughing because they thought they got me and i'm just like the side they're like cracking up i was like and then yeah lewis is like hey i fucking dosed you on acid you motherfucker you think you're

the best i was like oh did you though and he's like what am i am i talking like i was a minute ago he was like what i'm like did you dose me or did i switch it with fucking idiot jay over here and jay's like wait what what did i do and then did he just hit go into a fucking pit what did he just get fucked nah he's too big for it he's a big man yeah he just stayed up for 48 hours didn't feel anything that's what everyone was like at least you got acid and he goes I didn't even feel it I need to watch a special

do you reckon you've ever been spiked you've never been spiked I got spiked last night last night yeah in his 12th pint I was really drunk last night

but it sort of came out of nowhere I forgot for a minute like Jack even came to me to try to drink last night I was fucked but like my girlfriend reckons I was spiked

I love when someone says they're spiked or they're like somebody spiked their joint but we all smoked it and we were all fine sure you're not just a pussy did you just call me a pussy

because I can fucking put my ale away and I was yeah you can put the first 11 away and then it gets a bit fucking ropey cliff I'm a victim

do you actually think I was like spiked drunk last night or was I just drunk Then it gets a bit fucking ropey. I'm a victim! Do you think I was spiked drunk last night or was I just drunk? He pissed on the windowsill and fell down the stairs. Also, you're a fucking veteran. You know what you're doing. You can't be like, I think I was spiked. No, other people said that. I don't think I was spiked. I don't think I was spiked.

I don't know. I don't do it, Carl. Who's spiking you, though? I was spiked. How do you spike a shot as well? I don't know. I don't do it, Carl. I don't think anyone does it. Who's spiking you, though? Who's wasting a spike? Thank you. Unless it's a good friend for fun. In your home. I think people were buying me drinks.

People who recognize you, listen to the show and stuff. That's nice. And so I think one of them just- Yeah, they're always spiking us. It's a well-known thing. A lot of them want to do a meet and greet and others sometimes they're like can you sign the poster i've just bought off you but also drink this what are fans like it's just like a beaker test tube like drink that take a little top off like and then you wake up in their flat it's weird but that's our fans where Where's my other kidney? Sign your kidney.

You get some weird, you get some pretty intense weird fans. You got a big. Yeah, but I get, drugs is nice. I don't want to keep talking about drugs, but like I mentioned one time on a podcast, I got a heavy handshake. And then from then on,

people were like, took it as like a sign of pride. They'd be like, Ari, I think you left this pack of cigarettes in the bathroom. And I'd be like, oh. You did that cigarette? Yeah. they'd be like ari i think you left this pack of cigarettes in the bathroom and i'd be like oh yeah dan uh came clean on this show and was like i've got a drug problem so just need to

know really getting through that and then more people at our shows kept coming up and going i know you've got a coke problem but let's go how about tonight the reason i was so open about it because when you've got i kind of like getting on it, and this started getting big, people were doing their heavy handshake. So great. Fucking great. I got off stage once in Indianapolis. Somebody gave me a rolled up newspaper.

Like here, as you're going through the crowd to leave, I was like, oh, and I'm like, and people are like, what is it? I'm like, let's see. And it's just a fucking ounce of mushrooms. Oh, it's so great. And then you just hand it out to the waitstaff. Like we're all doing like, oh. Shrooms are great, aren't they?

Nobody does the shrooms also. So it's like, that's all safe. And it's very natural. Yeah, you're used to eating stuff off the floor, aren't you, really? Yeah. Trashed up. Why is that? How is that? I'm not against mushrooms. I'm not against pot.

You know, they both grow naturally. So there's cocaine, though? Yeah, but there's... I get mixed with it and stuff, you know, they both grow naturally. So there's cocaine though? Yeah, but there's, should I get a mix with it and stuff? You know what I mean? What if it's pure? What? What if it's pure?

Yeah, but it's hard to get the pure stuff. That's what we were saying, Carl. Do you know what I mean? You've got to just. Oh, you only do the pure. You've got to do something to cocaine to get it to cocaine. There's a bit of chemical involved.

Is there? What? Yeah, there's a lot going on. Right. And it's not good for you. It's not just like a cocaine tree. The little fucking baggies fucking hanging off it.

Do you know what I mean? Oh, God. You ever find a baggie at like a cocaine tree. The little fucking baggie is fucking hanging off it. Do you know what I mean? Oh, God. You ever find a baggie at like a festival on the floor? Yeah. And like go to your one friend and be like, test it. Yeah, the animal.

Yeah. Really? Wait, the gimp. Would you do that if you found a bag on the floor? Oh, you're fucking... Well, not now. Not now, but you would have.

But back in the day, of course. Of course, yeah. If you found a baggie, someone's having a little... Yeah. If you can't... So if it's cat, you can... It's got's having a little yeah if you can't so if it's cat you can it's got a weirder smell you can smell very smelly coke is smelly oh yeah coke's pungent everybody smells it yeah oh my god i'm just checking this yeah but it's not a good idea

i think coke smells a bit smells a bit like cum. Oh, really? Oh, God. Interesting. Like, my cum smells a bit cokie. Right. Bag it up. Let's make some money. I swear to God, Adam, this better not be your cum,

because the last three grams was just your jizz. When do you smell your own cum as a dog? Can I be happy, by the way? It's like, Finn, shush. Finn's upset. Sorry. Let's all cum on a table and see if we can smell who's who's i i if we all come on the table i would new segment so audible what's your um recovery time if you're getting on it and you're on tour or

you're just not the night before a show what's your are you pretty good at like yeah i try to be professional if i'm if i'm charging money for tickets it's like yes like all right afterwards yeah right yeah did you have any in london the other night no i just drank so far okay so not in the uk but you're going to i mean i have been i would in edinburgh i was like they get down so hard that it's like the locals that it's like fuck it's just crazy yeah I haven't Amsterdam yeah yeah excited for I got four days in Berlin and only one show yeah we went to I'm we didn't do a show but we went in january that's when i became like on the pot like that's where i got into it you're into weed now yeah how often do you smoke weed no i'm gonna do it again soon twice a year bit of a pothead that's like way more than last year though.

It's 100% more. Yeah. Really? Oh, I got some. What's up? Drugs. Why don't you just get off? Ari's just decided that he needs drugs.

He's just fucked off and got some drugs. We shouldn't just literally, it's so bad hanging out with guys like Ari Shiver and talking about drugs makes me go, I want to get on it. It's such a stupid thing because I've obviously had the issue with it. What's he got? I got two edibles

but one is Aero flavored and one is Arnbrew which I've never seen before. Who likes Scotland? I'm going Arnbrew. Absolutely amazing. Dan, can you have it now? Yep. Yes. Thanks, brew. That's absolutely amazing. Dan, can you have it now? Yep. Yes. Thanks, Harry. That's too strong. That's too much for one.

What percent is it? That's 100 milligrams. So that's like a chisel off a little piece. I mean, I don't have none. Or you haven't looked at it for five minutes. Do you want this? Will you have it? Come on, Finn. Yeah, Finn! This is 100 milligrams. That's a lot. We're going to win this quiz. How many is 100 milligrams. Yeah. That's a lot.

We're going to win this quiz. How many is 100 milligrams? As you left the room, Harry, I was like, how many six blunts? Six joints. It's going to last way longer, too. What turned me vegetarian was 250 milligrams in an edible. What? And then you saw the truth.

I saw a chicken talk to me on a plate. And since then, I've never- Was it a plane to China? Not touched meat since then. Oh, this is going to go west, isn't it? So how many... Like, how many... You should do 10 of them.

You should do 10 milligrams. This is like a normal milligram. Oh, so it's just 10 times. If you don't do it. I mean, he's a professional. He smokes weed every day. How many licks? Let's go... 10 mil, Kim. day. How many licks? Let's go.

If you just lick it like that, lick it for like a couple minutes. All right, cool. Yeah. It'll take a while. We've got a panel show later. Yeah, the second segment will be more interesting.

I like having Harry Shafiro. I can't believe with his track record that you've just gone I'll put that in my mouth immediately I'm going to tell you it's drugs look forward

for a call from my wife are you stoned yet I'm absolutely bombed in I'm getting a bit second hand I'm feeling a bit loose mate

up but down but raised in the way yeah I might have a shandy in a bit loose me up or down what are you doing yeah I'm going to have a shandy in a bit put some reggae on I'm in the mood for some reggae

is there is there like dispensaries in New York is it legal in New York it just got legal for what you know for what

for black people do it's been it's been pretty like legal for us. Yeah, but now you can just go to a store and get it. Is that weird? Does it take the joy out of it?

Yeah, it takes the outlaw out of it. Yeah. Yeah, but I started smoking weed in LA where it was like just shops. Yeah. Just like Amsterdam. And so it was like... How close do you reckon we are to it?

Never. We're miles away. Never. We're not going to have that. Yeah, why not? Why not in the UK? This government doesn't to it? Never. We're miles away. Never. We're not going to have that generation. Yeah, why not? Why not in the UK? This government doesn't want it to happen. Conservative government.

This government's not got long, though, so that's good. They just got to, like, get paid off it. Don't you guys do sales tax or no? Yeah, they do, yeah. 20%. 20%? Oh, yeah. Guess who'll own the fucking...

When it gets legalized, guess who will own the process? Jimmy Carr. Probably. Probably. Jimmy knows how to make fucking money I don't think it legalised in our generation no

no you're wrong no way it's coming you said this was a Harry Potter reboot and it was made the next week I was right

I was talking about films I was right they won't make it they'll never make a Harry Potter film I said they won't remake the films they're not

they're making TV shows it's not the same thing. Wait, they're going back and making the books? No, yeah, they're making the books into a series. Yeah, they're doing the Game of Thrones. Each book's going to be one season. You guys love Harry Potter here. Yeah.

Yeah. Here's my question. If he's like the savior of... The Wizarding World. Yeah. Yeah. So like, they all look at it as like, we know who you were as a kid you're defeating like high level people you're like there's something special about you yeah neo you're neo pretty much

and so then they're like oh harry's here all the fucking head wizards like whoa dude it's an honor to meet you and then june comes they did the whole school year and they go now go get beaten under a fucking stairwell yeah it's a big plot hole like why did they let them go back to their house just do summer school

or something or go back to somebody else's house yeah that'll be the reboot Harry Potter summer school do you know what

the biggest plot hole is why didn't Voldemort just blow his head off oh yeah why didn't he go just get a gun and fucking smoke him yeah

while he slept yeah go to his house and blow his head off because it wasn't about killing him at that stage wasn't it it was like the

he had to prove he was the best fucking he was the guy yeah like he'd been fucking embarrassed by a baby the big ball how embarrassing

was that I'm gonna kill this baby and the baby's like I don't know what wait what call yourself the dark lord I'm just fucking And the baby's like... What? Wait, what? Call yourself the Dark Lord.

I'm just fucking chilling, man. Sitting here shitting his cat. His reboot's going to be shit, innit? No, it'll be fire. That shit's not because I'm scared, lad. It's because I'm a fucking baby, innit? Voldemort's back. Fucking machine gun, like Rambam.

Voldemort will be gay as well. Watch. I bet you Voldem gave all the more yeah i think non-binary i think no no they don't make the bad guys gay yeah you can't make them no you can't that's what they do all the all the bad guys are still like white straight british guys all the heroes are like non-binary okay gay or like that's the new the quality won't reach its peak until there's a fucking

gay black dwarf as a bad guy gay black dwarf Voldemort let me put a spell on you with my wand Voldemort will be gay in the new one

I bet you he already is quite camp what do you mean the shit he does is camp as fuck in it Harry Potter

the boy who lived yeah comes to get his head blown on a picture that's on Scotty Roach yeah it's not just like

there's always like yeah yeah it's exactly just get the goal and go fuck off poison what about poison there's so many ways

to do it he didn't know where he was he has to do all this how can he shoot him he didn't know where he was. He has to do all this. How can he shoot him? He didn't know where he was. He was hiding under the stairs. Yeah.

On Privet Drive. He didn't know. You know the drive. You guys love Harry Potter. Oh, of course. So the stereotypes that British people do, we and Adam do love it that much. They don't.

I hate it. I fucking, I love it. I just started reading the books when I was 27. That's the problem. Like you were like, like legal school age. I love Harry Potter.

I had a job. We were the age of Harry Potter when he was growing up. That age. When should I stop sucking on this, by the way, guys? Because it's great.

All right, cool. Enjoy yourself. Thanks, Harry. I'm going to let Harry be my fucking pharmacist on this. Go on. But yeah, we love it as much as you think we love it.

Yeah. Me and Adam. They said the good thing was that like, it was all innocent, the first one, when you're the age of Harry Potter. And then as he grew up, the innocence, like then it was more like, instead of like, you lost a fucking dumb fuck game.

It became like, oh, this person died. Yeah, yeah. Because he was dead. Yeah, there was a death in the fourth book, wasn't there? Yeah. Goblet of Fire Cedric Diggity was the first to die

he's back all the world's back that's how he says it who Cedric Diggity no fucking is that a fella oh yeah

and he's all like he's back there should definitely be if we're doing exclusion in this reboot we need a Scouse wizard at some point

yep absolutely absolutely that'd be Cedric Diggity Scouse you need some wizard to be like we need your Scouse wizard at some point. Yep, absolutely. Absolutely. That'd be fucking beautiful. You need some wizard to be like, we need your help. He's like, I drank so hard last night.

I can't, like, can we do this at like three? Yeah, I want realism in the characters. Like, they've got more time on the balls. We're going to do a full series for a ball. Yeah, a roadman. I want Snape hung over. A roadman. Bro.

Bro. I'm going to fucking bounce all over this tribe with the tournament you know Victor Crumbs don't know what's gonna

fucking hit him in the fucking face blood get him an agent get you know people these fucking umbrella bitches

turning up at the fucking school thinking they're gonna Fucking beat man Nah son Umbrella bitches Is that Fly with them or something

No You're thinking of Mary Poppins Mary Poppins Mary Poppins Joined the wrong franchise Bitch Man

Fly back out of here Bitch Fly back out Take your fucking Magic bag Bombaclark No one blows them. He's just wandering.

He'll get the ass shot. He's got a bum shot in the face. Oh, Mary Poppins was fit, man. You're black. You're fucked. Mary Poppins. I'd fuck it. Yeah, you know Mary Poppins did fuck.

They wouldn't show that in that film, fair enough. But like, yeah, she must have fucked the woman. She's got a magic bag. Yeah. She just floats in. Well, didn't she fucking wax the banister with her pussy good point

she'd go down at one chin you've seen a director's cut don't she go down the banister what are you doing I'm fucking waxing this

spoon full of I think that quite a lot you know like what you've just said like obviously Mary fuck

but like when sometimes especially if I'm hungover my brain's working weird I'll see like a really old woman and think like how many times has she had her fucking

back blown out do you know what I mean like she's an old woman you're not meant to think about it with her but I like she's took some cock

in her time do you know what I mean a back then they were fucking we do do you know what I mean because I was pretty vague

I just want to check that you know what I mean. They were fucking back then. There was nothing else to do. Summer of Love. Yeah, they were fucking. We didn't just invent fucking. I did a commercial with some old, old lady. And she was like old.

And she had to like play an old lady. But then we were just talking like during the lunch breaks. And I was like, how long have you been in Hollywood? She was like, since I was like a kid. I'm like, oh, did you see it change? She goes, yeah, I fucked Bob Hope. I fucked Bob Hope. That's sick. Such a great story. Yeah, and she was like oh since i was like a kid i'm like oh did you see it changed because yeah i fucked bob hope that's such a great story yeah she's like i don't like 1965 like what yeah it's wild i think those old ladies used to get down yeah but loads but i think it i see like an old man and i'm like he might have an absolute pipe yeah and he might have fucked

yep you know what i mean like you think of old men as these innocent in the 60s they would all smoke a pot just fucking bumble with like everybody someone to love me someone to love there was old women fucking then from like the 20s like old old they were old then

you know what I mean oh Dan's gone Dan doesn't believe in someone to love you don't believe in what he doesn't think the summer of love you don't believe in what he doesn't think the summer of love happened Harry you know you know like

there's holocaust deniers he's the summer of love denier you know Woodstock you know like San Francisco California yeah in 1960s

yeah these knobheads think it happened fucking everywhere in working class Liverpool on the docks where they were building ships the Beatles were from here

it's summer of love yeah it's fucking bum hang on me fucking shift at the dock start on the docks where they were building ships. The Beatles were from here? It's Summer of Love. Yeah. That's fucking bum. Hang on me fucking shift. At the dock start at 9am. Doesn't matter. It's the Summer of Love.

It's a bank holiday. Take me to it. Stupid cunt. Yeah, it wouldn't have happened here. That's why they escaped here to go there. It happened in New York though. That's where Woodstock was,

wasn't it? But that's far north of New York. Yeah, it's not Manhattan, is it? Yeah, it's in Central Park. Dude, I went to, yeah, I went to Woodstock was, wasn't it? But that's far north of New York. It's not Manhattan, is it? Yeah, it's in Central Park. I went to Woodstock with the chick and we were like,

we got fucking weed and honored the place, right? But then we got back on the toll road and you have to hand in your ticket to see how many stops you've gotten to see how much you pay. And then we just couldn't find it, the ticket. You get it, you have it in your car. And then when you get off,

and we're so fucking blazed. And then the lady's like's your ticket we're like oh we don't we're looking for it i don't know and she goes where'd you guys get on we're both like at the woodstock stop so you can just go to woodstock it's just like rolling fields beautiful it was just a place to go it's kind of like Tiananmen Square it wasn't made for that similar but opposite more fun to get stoned at Woodstock

than Tiananmen Square this is where that kid got there's no mention of it it's pretty wild you're like wait where's Tiananmen Square you just walk through it do you know, where's Tiananmen Square? Like, you just walked through it. I'm like, what? Do you know what happened to Tiananmen Square?

No. The protesters just got murdered. What was that? So they were protesting the Chinese government and the government came out and went, oh, cool, and just killed them all. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you're supposed to do.

You want to crush the set, it's got to be murder. Harry, I'm too too stone for you to do that again that was scary I didn't like that are you bombed in now no I'm fine

I'm doing good I am thinking about Tiananmen Square a bit too much though it's just that kid who was like do you know what

I'm gonna do stand in front of this tank wasn't he going shopping didn't some fella go shopping with the arse down

and came out in front of the tank and blew his head off I mean that's on him. Like, I mean, if you're going through Tiananmen Square when you know they're fucking off

and people like, just walk around it. Yeah, go around. Just go around it. Go the long way. Like, not to victim blame, but if you're walking through an active war zone

to get a pint of milk, it's probably his wife going to fill you up on it. I want the milk. I think the guy that got run over by a tank wasn't just doing his shopping. Like, hang on,

this is a pedestrian crossing. He was. He'd been shopping. He was a on, this is a pedestrian crossing. He was? He'd been shopping? He was a protester. He'd been shopping? He was protesting. What, was he doing shopping and protesting? No.

Tuesday's a big day. Yeah. Don't let her do the big shop. We need detergent. I'm going to try and bring down the regime. Can you just do both of those on Tuesday? Do that first. Bring down the regime,

but bring the shopping back and get eggs. She's still sat there waiting for the legs so much fun with this camera having a great time how long does that take to kick in when will he be fucked no you got like 40 minutes yeah kicks can you finish it can you finish oh you've got 40 minutes prick can you. Can you finish it? Another couple of minutes then I'll stop you. Eat it. Eat it. No, I don't want to.

It'd be funny though. Shove it up your ass. It would be funny but it'd be going for a nap. I've gone through three breakups for this podcast. You have some pot. Dan, so we had

a dab in Nashville, didn't we? We had a dab in Nashville with Cowboy Henry. Cowboy Trey. Cowboy Trey. The biggest bullshitter I've ever seen.

He's like, yo, yo, yo, you guys, you know, oh, let me check your Instagram. Whoa, 29, guys are big and then he went oh shit nice watch i was like dickhead this is 50 50 pounds it was oh yo yo yo i'm gonna get you in the club and then i was high and then he went yeah so you it's my dog your instant reaction was not wasn't it dabs are too much thank you what is it is it just resin and you smoke the resin or what is it more or less but there's like a process to it yeah they bring out a torch fuck off it's almost like hot knifing wasn't it like it felt a little like

yeah yeah yeah they made it like crack right cool that wasn't for me i had a big old blast got an uber and went to sleep yeah this is gonna be so just be careful you don't sleep now is what i'm saying because we've got a winner quiz finn you're so boring we've got 24 42 quiz started six what's the quiz what's the quiz so we're we're like trivia yeah we host a quiz every now and then yeah pub we're doing one today but we're doing it like a panel show. So Carl's going to host it. Me and Eshan are going to be one team. Dan and Finn are going to be another team.

Winner of us will play the winner from the audience in a game of beer pong for two grand. Wow. About 500 people there. That's cool. So I'm going to be on good form. You're going to win. You're going to see things.

You're going to like just, it's all going to slow down. It's the only way I'm getting through the day oh should we have a break let's have a break what is it just random trivia um it's yeah oh it's so stupid really uh can you give it ari an example of one of your past questions yes i will you just uh chat among yourselves. So the questions can have an answer. Harry's love. So I had a round. Do you know who Eamon Holmes is?

Not a chance. Yeah, Eamon Holmes is massive in New York. Who? He's like our Steve Harvey. Was he in Potter? So he's... I wish. was he in Potter? so he's I wish he plays Dursley he is

like a breakfast TV host over here just come on okay he's a fucking and the round was Eamon Holmes or Osama Bin Laden

so it was like here's 10 facts which of these are about Eamon Holmes and which of these are about Osama Bin Laden add these numbers up to get one final number the number of syllables These are about Eamon Holmes and wedging these and about Osama bin Laden. Add these numbers up to get one final number.

The number of syllables in Bush did 9-11. The number of hairs on Britney Spears' head in 2007. And the number of letters in supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. And then it's a speed round

so you can't take forever. It's just a stupidly difficult quiz this is gonna help there's normally like 60 questions and the winning team will have like 11 points yeah

it's um I think you can tell we're a pretty serious podcast aren't we you guys are really like you know changing the zeitgeist of the world which is nice

thank you um I won't read that one that was about Tiananmen Square 2010 saw 33 miners trapped in a cave I won't read that one. I was about Tiananmen Square. 2010, saw 33 miners trapped in a cave in northern Chile for 69 days. I remember those. A man who loves 69ing miners is Prince Andrew. He used to visit Pido Island with his good friend Jelaine Maxwell.

Spell Jelaine Maxwell. Question three. 69 and minus. What a fucking question. Break time. Time for a break. Press the button, Dan. Time for a break.

He's picking his nose. Hello. Dan's pot has potted in. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm honestly fine. You're bright red. I'm fine.

Are you feeling it yet? Yeah, a little bit. A little bit. What about the Fallabia? What? Carry on. We were talking about country music on the break. We were. And you, uh, we asked you what you thought of Luke Combs and that the kind of stuff that Adam is dead into. He looks a little like Luke Combs. I don't say that. I think so. little like Luke Combs. Don't say that. Colombian Luke Combs. Wow, Luke Combs. Tall glass cold mojito never broke my heart.

Can you start doing a character called Luke Colombs? Oh, yes, man. Let's talk about your special. I love it. It's very, very good. It's called Jew. It's very, very good.

It's called Jew. Yeah. And it's about being a Jew. Yeah. It's quite reductive, surely. It's a guy who's like, didn't watch the bunch matter. He's like, and so it starts with a J. What else do I know?

You were in it. It's the first American special I've seen that feels like an Edinburgh Festival show. Yeah, that's why I did it. Yeah. I would go to Edinburgh and I would see all you guys, not you specifically, but like do these like theme-y hours

and I thought it was interesting, but there was such a failure 40 minutes in. It got so serious. Yeah. And I'm like, I get why you guys are'm like, I don't, I get why you guys are doing like a, a held together piece,

but I don't see why you're being serious for 20 minutes. And like, is there any thought that goes into like, how long will I be serious and why and where it doesn't seem like there's any of that. Yeah. So you set something up at the start. If you've never seen an Edinburgh show,

this, this formula has been used a lot. You set like the setup is there's always like two or three of them and they don't really have a punchline or anything but they're early in the show and if you've watched if you've watched enough edinburgh stuff or you're a comic you go oh here we go but the crowd are like oh that's interesting i don't know what that's about then there's about 40 minutes of material that's funny and then all of a sudden saddest story then their dad dies and then at the

end guess what those three things from the start they were at the end yeah god it's just so and they even take a piss out of it too sometimes where they'll be like i saw a guy goes hey i have a stool over there for when i get sad it's you know and then he'll like fake sad he's like and then my dad was disappointed because the sad thing became like hack but now the fake sad thing has become hack yeah because it it's just all contrived and shite yeah but jew is not that i saw a few guys do it well uh finn taylor uh did did two i saw whitey mcwhiterson yeah and um and when heresy met sally and it was like really held together as a so there's different ways you can do a story or you can do informational yeah he did kind of informational steve bouger did this like story that i was like wow it's just a one long

hour long story and i was like it was good there was a few good ones yeah and i was like i want to do an american version of that like which is like club funny yeah and that's what jim is yeah and i just try like it's fucking incredible it's just candles isn't it yeah six thousand candles six thousand candles yeah did you have to like re-like them at any point on this show yeah we got some The backdrop is fucking incredible. It's just candles, isn't it? Yeah, 6,000 candles. 6,000 candles? Yeah. Did you have to, like, re-like them at any point during the show? Yeah, we got some fucking raped altar boy

to come do it. Was that the brief? Just because you're a Jew doesn't mean you can make that joke. I walked somebody. The first guest to walk someone from the studio.

Yeah, we had a lot of them between shows. And it's on YouTube. Awesome, Craig. Millions of views. Yeah. I really liked it when you were on Joe Rogan

and you were like, I think I'd like to get to six million views. And Joe just didn't get it. And he's going, I think you can name like seven or eight. And you were like, yeah, but it'd be funny wouldn to get it to six million views and Joe just didn't get it and he's going I think you can name it like seven or eight and you were like yeah but it'd be funny wouldn't it if it was six million and Joe was like no I think seven eight nine

Joe pretend you were a comedian for a second maybe six million and he's like I think eight dude again I'm saying like he got it like two months later he like wrote me i was like oh dude i just figured out what you were saying yes any questions made yes we have got a couple of would you rathers and a few questions so

this is from sam ebery ebery um would you would you rather have the face of a pensioner but the body of a 20 year old or the body of a pensioner but the body of a 20-year-old or the body of a pensioner and the face of a 20-year-old? What a fucking stupid question. Who wants the body of a pensioner? Who wants the face? Who wants the face? You can pull off an old face, though.

These would-you-rathers are never positive positive. No, you don't win. It's which end of the shitty stick do you want? Have you got an old cock? Well, yeah, if you've got an old body, then yeah. yeah what are you gonna do with your hot face yeah yeah exactly this is the dilemma guys this is the imagine going a chick's like oh you're hot let's hang out and you should take off your and your your fucking man tits or like oh imagine like if the girl was like that though and she's really fit in the face you get it open and she's all fucking old down then you

get even more turned on you mean like everyone in glasgow yeah yeah i'm taking old face any day what about you dan i i yeah he's because we just from an attractive point of view you could go like well it's one or the other but if you've got to live your life you want the younger body don't you because that's got all the fucking organs i go i go old face and not i wouldn't be happy with it but at least I'd get to live a healthy fucking life and I'd bang the shit out of some pensioners.

Oh yeah. I'd be the pension maker. It'd be amazing. They'd be like, Ooh, he looks my age. And then all of a sudden. Next one.

It's never, it's never like, would you have, would that have a million euros? This one's quite nice. This is from Michael Greenwood. Would you rather have four hours exploring space

or four hours exploring the sea? In both options, you are safe from harm and can breathe as normal. Oh, wow. The sea. Sea. Oh, really? You can do so much more than four hours in the sea.

Space should barely get anywhere in four hours. Space. Yeah, how fast can you travel? Yeah, oh, good point. Let's say you can choose a planet in our in our solar system if you can really buzz about then maybe space is a bit if you can just like swim at the speed of a human swimmer i mean that's just it's all just shit in it if you can go fast then i just get from place to place that'd be cool but also there's no light down to the sea exactly oh and that's when they get really horrible the

sea creatures yeah and there's nothing to fuck in space though there's so they get really horrible the sea creatures and there's nothing to fuck in space though there's so much to fuck in the sea what are you fucking first what are you fucking first octopus that's a fucking dumb question make a squirt

right this is just a question if you could have anything for free for the rest of your life what would it be and he's put in brackets no noncy answers like happiness or joy who's that from this is from ian green oh green answers if you have anything in your life and it'd be free yeah for the rest of your life um on tap unlimited possibly nice it's always free yeah you paying not where I go these

they're fucking great carry on that is a difficult question Chinese what do you pay for that you wish you didn't oh fuel oh fucking hate

paying for fuel I thought petrol but then oh god I ate it plane tickets but also petrol you still have to fill up it's free but you still have to stop and get in there I'm bored of it. Oh, God. I hate it. Plane tickets? But also, Petrol, you still have to fill up.

It's free, but you still have to stop and get in there. Yeah. That would still feel like... Yeah, travel. Like travel tickets. Yeah. Travel tickets would be nice. First class plane tickets. Say doctors.

No. I'm Jewish. They're always free already. Watch my new special, Irish if you're a Jew. Almost six million views. You can get it there. which they're always free already. Watch my new special, Irish Shafir Drew, on YouTube right now. Almost six million views. You can get it there. From this point on,

can we call that the Irish Shafir camera? Because no one has ever engaged with it as much as we have. No one. Not. You've literally been flirting with the Will camera. It's great camera. I'm going to go drugs and salad.

Drugs and salad? Drugs and salad. You don't get drugs with salad. You don't get drugs with salad. Classic. Yeah, drugs and salad. You know what I tell them? I had a stupid moment then.

Go on. I was like, right, that camera's pointing at Ari, but where's the one that's actually on Ari? Because I was looking over there and I was like, none of them are pointing at him. Are we even recording him at all? And I was like, oh. Are you potted? I am so unbelievably hungover that I can barely talk.

Let's get a beer. Let's get a beer. Let's get a beer. Let's get a beer. Let's get a beer. Let's get a beer. Let's get a beer. Let's get a beer. Let's get a beer. Let's get a beer. looking over there and I was like, none of them are putting on. Are we even recording them at all? Are you potted? I am so unbelievably hungover that I can barely talk.

Let's get a beer. Yes. Do you want a beer? I'm kind of hungover too. I'm a little tired. I'm trying. I had a Barocca. Stay there. Host the show. That's not a bad point. Right. Should we do some advice?

Should we have some drinks and give some advice out? Oh, yeah. Can we have the jingle down, or are you busy getting potted? I'm just getting potted here, man. Advice. Okay, yeah. So what are we... Okay.

Wait, what did we say? What would you rather have free for the rest of your life? I'm going first class travel. All first class travel. class all first class travel because then you don't worry about the price difference yeah you ever see one where it's like it's 200 to go coach and it's like 250 first oh sweet but then somebody's like 200 or 2400 and you're like no way yeah we yeah 800 to upgrade to business class to nashville was a tricky ask heineken from from london oh no it it was yeah that's a long trip

yeah I got bumped up to business from Zurich to the United States but I had I was like gonna sleep

so I had a window seat and coach and they're like hey we moved your seat I'm like no no I was already getting pissy

and fucking because I was tired and then I'm like oh this is a great bed I paid an extra 200 quid or something to fly business

from Nashville to New York. It was just a slightly bigger chair and it was to the front. That's not great. That'd be so sad. Yeah. You really want the camp guy

that serves you in business class. He was part of the upgrade. David from Wales. Hello, Mr. Nightingale. Let me tuck you in. Oh, it was great. The bed was the best thing ever. I jerked off on a first class flight to Sydney.

I would as well. What? In my chair. Yeah. No. Yeah. How do I walk in the chair? Go ahead, ask your question.

Under the blankie? No. Oh, Harry. He made you look like a dickhead stagecoach. I smoked my vape on the plane. I was being a right scally. What'd you do? I was like i'm as a

business class i'm a businessman it's making business decisions you smoked a vape i smoked a vape i had a wank on the flight home from new york in the toilet in the toilet yeah oh that's the worst mile high club in it yeah oh go on how do you do it in australia it's one of those beds i was it was a it was a companion ticket for rogan for a ufc so they got to fly first class because of his contract from years and years ago oh so he's got an allotted amount yeah and so dana white at the airport he comes up to me goes do you know how much your ticket cost you cost me i was like how much he's like 25 000 he was so mad i was, you should have given me half. I would have flown coach. But anyway, so there's like full beds, you know, with the pods, you know, those.

With like TV screen, TV screen, TV screen. What's the flight? Like 16, 17 hours? 13, I think. Okay. So there's enough time. And then also I'm a comic, so everyone's going to sleep before me. And then I walked out into the, get on me.

I walked out. Get on me. Get on me. And I just kind of angled it from other people's chairs. I was like, where's the angle they would have? Where's the angle that they would have?

Fucking snooker plan. Great way to put it. And then I was like, okay, so first I was like, let me get my ass to like, you know, face the window. But then I'm like,

then I can't see if a stewardess is coming by. Oh, yeah. So I had to face them. And I used the sock they give me these like footies to like wear

turn one of those inside out and I just you wanked into a DVT sock yeah to a Qantas sock that's a $25,000

wank that's great that's so good I never thought of it that way so Rogan gets free just it's part of his contract

if he wants to take his pals, it doesn't matter where it is in the world. Yeah. Now, he got that deal when he was going to Alabama for shows, for UFCs. But it's in the contract. It's in the contract. Holy shit.

Yeah. Yeah, I just got turned on by the turbulence and thought I'm just going to go to the bathroom. You what? You got a shit? No, the turbulence turned me on, so I just... Oh, you go to the bathroom. Yeah, because the vibration of the plane was like tickling me.

Ooh, that's not bad. You want to see him on a motorway when he hits the rumble strips? I've had a wank on a motorway before. As a passenger? No. Driving? What? Traffic, in traffic.

Yeah. Not driving, driving. Oh, okay. You've had a wank in motorway traffic? Driving to South Shields. How horny do you have to be? I've had a wank in motorway traffic? Driving to South Shields? How horny do you have to be? I've had a wank driving. I've had a wank driving.

How about you? Will, have you? Will can't drive. Will will pass his test just to have a wank in a car. So 60% of the people who drive here have wanked while driving. So you're weird. I am weird about it. I mean, you're not that weird. I get it.

There's couples getting arrested in America for putting their Teslas on drive. I've seen it. And then just fucking. I've seen it. What are they getting arrested for? Fucking bad? I guess it's a public indecency or something

we're not paying attention to the road maybe that one's probably first yeah automated travel and then i mean to die with your dick and your missus is a interesting move moving it if that fails i've been sucked off on the motorway as well that was great though driving back from chester she was driving she's like a medic well she We were driving back from the zoo. Oh, God, I love those baboons, Adam. Those fucking pink asses. Just like your fucking ass. It was great.

But I was doing like 80 miles an hour, so my cum was coming out at like 100 miles an hour. Yeah, I was driving. She's dead now. She was blowing you? Yeah. It's such a weird one like blow while you're driving it's like do it for like a minute but to completion is kind of crazy it was fucking

to completion was she in the passenger seat next year behind you what do you mean like i told you he's not dating an ostrich no he stole one from the zoo i love a big beard this has been one of the stupidest episodes it's been so stupid sometimes when you normally do no genuinely for when like a comic comes in it's a real

crapshoot whether they're gonna go oh this is an interview or if someone's just gonna tune into our bullshit and this has been so tuned in bullshit heavy I did ask I asked Evan Demarie Or if someone's just going to tune into our bullshit. And this has been so tuned in bullshit heavy. I did ask. I asked Evan DeMarie from Manchester. I was like, what's just the vibe?

Just so I know going in. He goes, did you shoot the shit? I'm like, okay, perfect. Yeah, yeah. All right, great. Yeah, I've ranked on most planes. The only time I don't rank on most planes is when I've been on. Most planes you've been on?

Most planes? When you say most planes, you mean most planes you've been on? Most planes you've been on? Most planes? When you say most planes, you mean most planes you've been on or like a 747? A 727? You're like a plane spotter. Oh, his spots are everywhere. The only time I don't wank on a plane

is if my missus is with me. Have you wanked on the plane? You ever fucking the plane? You ever never seen him at the airport? He just gets horny at the window. Like, oh fuck, I loved Hansa. What about the train? That's grim.

Yeah. Oh, that's disgusting. Train jerking is tough because it's so much turbulence. And you know you're not gonna get it all in the fucking bowl. Yeah. Plane toilets scare me as well. I was thinking we're done.

I come on the train floor once and just couldn't bring myself to wipe it. Was the door shut down? Oh, what a surprise. Bring yourself to wipe it was the door shut down oh what a surprise bring yourself to wipe it that's rude that crosses the line like no

most of it went in but a bit went on the floor and I was just like lads I don't clean my own come off there's someone to do that I'm giving someone work if I clean my jizz

I have a trained floor she's gonna be unemployed I'm not a Tory all over the floor it's job creation they're the worst toilets ever they're so dirty I wasn't doing it because I'm not a Tory. All over the floor. Job creation. They're the worst toilets ever. They're so dirty. I wasn't doing it because I'm like,

wow, toilets. I just needed to get the devil out of me. At least you went to the back. I've had a bicycle. Do they have a tube here in Liverpool? No. So if you've ever been to London, do they have people jerking off on the tube there?

No. Because there's no toilet. That's a very New York subway thing. It's New York, yeah. Is that common? Not common, but not uncommon. Wow. I do a bit about it, and I ask who's seen it,

and it's usually a couple people in the audience every time. I'm sure it has happened on the London Underground. Yeah. Is it busier than the Metro, though? There's much crazier people. There's crazy people. The New York subway is not as busy as London Underground. Yeah. Is it busier than the Metro, though? There's much crazier people. There's crazy people. The New York subway is not as busy as London subway. I don't find it anyway.

The New York subway? During rush hour, yeah, but then like, or after the Yankee game. But the crazy people in America who would be the ones doing it are so much crazier than anything on the video. You got my money? You got my money?

Damn, you're a good actor. You got my money? You got my money? Damn, you're a good actor. I don't know. You got my money? I was lost in it. Been in it so long, I don't know how to get out. I don't know who I am anymore. He's brilliant, isn't he? Everyone's just at home.

That's his Brie Larson impression. It's really good. I heard they're changing the beer and moretti can to have a trans Italian on there. Are they? What, someone who's transitioning to an Italian? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Which Adam can do.

It's someone from Malta, and then they're like, you're fine. In New York last week, I only did those, I only did two shows, but I seen three different comics I'd seen all did the same joke about Bud Light. They were all like, oh, Bud Light, you don't want it because there's a gay person on it?

Well, only gay people drink Bud Light. Like every show, there's someone who did that. And then a brand new hack line. Yeah. So funny when people don't realize they think they're whatever, but if it's a current event, you're like, you better be careful because everyone's got that same angle. Just check Twitter for five minutes and you'll be like it's been done there's a country artist someone threw a Bud Light on stage and he smashed

it on the floor and said fuck this and the queen was playing it's like come on be aware of your fucking it's so funny how people get so like emotionalized over things that they don't really care about but they just get involved in the news. So then they're like now made to care, but they don't. No. I don't give a fuck who, who, who, who, who. Yeah, it's the cover of a can of beer. It doesn't do anything to you. I kind of like the Gammons.

We call them Gammons, just, you know, like- Gammons, that's what you call trans people? Gammons, no, the people who get annoyed- Start though, start calling them that. You know, like the middle America sort of like, we don't do, you know, like that british because they're all like pink skinned because they're like sunburned and what does that have to do with gammon ham like gammon ham like a thick ham oh yeah but it's so fun watching them get annoyed about stuff i'll have a trans everything

just to see the gammons get wound up I'm I'm literally I don't care I enjoy them being annoyed way more than I you're a troll you got trolled roots yeah so it's so fun when you troll because like you don't your allegiance is to the truth which the truth is I want to get you mad yeah the truth is not what I'm about to say yeah and it was like where you from like Liverpool oh Liverpool sucks dude but you could have said Kent I would have said it sucks it doesn't matter you know you go to a horse show i'm like cars of the way it doesn't matter yeah um yeah you see those people get upset it's so fun i'm not political but when trump got elected just see all these liberals crying it's like sweet and then when

biden got elected to see all these these Republicans crying and like, sweet. It's just so fun. I don't just want chaos. Is he going to get back in? What? Is he going to get back in? I think so. But I don't really know or follow this shit.

It's not like a feeling in the state to people like, yeah, it's going to happen. I feel like it's going to because everybody was like, anything else but him. And then I get, I don't really follow it. But then the anything else, like, it's actually not going that well. But if Biden's standing again, which he is, isn't he? Standing? He's just about standing. But he's going to stand in the election. Oh, is that he'll run again?

Oh, I thought he wasn't going to, but. No, he can't. I think he announced that he's running. He'd be 84, wouldn't he, at the end of the term? I don't. I actually think Trump's got more chance to win if he's back against Biden. He seems more senile. He doesn't seem like a young...

You know how some people's grandparents are older than others, even though they're the same age? He's a bit old. He's old in the head. But he can run again if he wants. He's an incumbent president. I don't think you can tell him he's not running. He can have one more term, can't he?

Yeah, but he shouldn't. He can tell him he's not running. He can have one more term, can't he? Yeah, but he shouldn't. He can't put all the words together. I know I'm talking about Trump. Yeah, that's the issue. I can't, but I've had this. Yeah, I don't know. It's a weird one. Trump gets people so involved.

That last election was, I think, the highest turnout percentage wise since since forever is it not scary thinking he could get back in i don't give a shit um like it doesn't affect my life at all i will say like someone was looking at i did the exchange rate dollars to pounds you know whatever you're a new country quickly like how much is my money actually worth and i did so but i told my friend it was like it was like it was like, it was like, say a hundred. It was like, oh, it's a one, one 20. And that's like, what? It was just one to one.

I'm like, fucking Biden. You want to like hate Trump. But then you're like, the one to one was nice. Yeah. Yeah. It used to be so bad. We've got a couple of have a words to round us off. Okay.

So what? Just pick the best one. We can close. We've done. We've done all right we've done a nice chunk just do one okay so speaking of old people this one's from robson parker i'll have a word can you lids have a word with my nan i live with her to take care of her but she's always opening my mail bank statements and debt letters why would you do that what what what no is she just of a different age, 80 years old,

where she doesn't think it's rude? Adam and Carl, how do you manage it when Dan opens all the letters for the podcast? What letters? Do we get letters? I don't know.

Yeah, do we get them to my house? So should he just... I do open them. Should he just accept it that this is his name or does he need to do something? He needs to post himself a picture that she doesn't want to see.

Oh, right. Him naked or something. Yeah, and then she won't do't want to see. Oh, right. Him naked or something. Yeah, and then she won't do it again. A picture of her dad's dick or something. This is a surprise to me. I thought old people would be quite respectful of the post. Yeah, they were more respectful. I thought they'd respect the post.

Yeah, because in those days it was illegal to fuck with the post. Yeah, you can't fuck with the male. She's just a cunt. Yeah. She sounds like a bitch. She's an old thing. Poor. Like, put something in the letter

she doesn't want to see and then she'd be like oh what are you doing why are you writing letters bitch anthrax mail yourself your own shit Ari's still playing with the camera oh magic

having his own podcast fuck with her fuck with her fuck with her do something she doesn't want to see that was a quick one should we do another one then yeah right okay

so this is from Codhead and this is called shite stag do alright lads can you have a word with my brother I've picked him to be my best man for my wedding

and told him to organise my stag do to Blackpool stag do bachelor party just translate it I know that thank you I wanted to piss up with an activity halfway through to break up the weekend.

Hold on. Piss up? Getting drunk. Okay. I wanted the darts, but he's organized a fucking boat trip whale watching because he's an absolute blurt. Every time I tried to speak to him-

Blurt. What's blurt? Like cum shot. Oh. He's a dickhead. Oh. Every time I tried to speak to him, he goes full autism mode

and bites my head off saying he can't cope with the stress have a word with do bite they love biting it's like Bruce Lee style use every weapon available

was he autistic what Bruce Lee autistic I guess so I never thought about it until now but yeah clearly I mean definitely

is it going to upset you then yeah he was a martial artist. Turn it off. Dude, I wrote that one. Wow. Someone's going to be like, Oh, I wasn't going to comment, but fuck it.

Mate, mate, brill. So have a word with him before I uninvite him from the wedding. It was a good joke. I've just laughed at it again. Sorry, I'm stoned. It was a good joke. So, he's wanted to go on the pierce, and they've arranged a boat trip whale watching.

Just don't go. Unless whale watching is some sort of... It's his stag do. Just don't go whale watching. Just go, I'm not going. Yeah, if it's a euphemism for fucking fat chicks, then I'm like, okay. On a boat.

Out to sea where it doesn't happen. Maybe they're lying to him and there's a surprise coming. You need to be patient. If they actually take your whale watching, kill them all.

It sounds like that brother hasn't got a surprise in him. I don't think he likes changing plans. No. He's like, this is what we're doing. It's been planned.

It's on the itinerary. Sounds like you. You ever come in contact with an autistic person where you're not expecting to? I had a, we're in some bar and I had a, it was like this and I had a beer right there and some guy comes over and is like, hey, excuse me, do you mind taking that beer

off that place? My friend's super autistic and he's freaking the fuck out. And I'm like, oh, okay. Nice, thank you. I'd have just put it straight back. I'd have knocked it off. Oh yeah, I'll just move it. How's he feel now?

Eh? Is that better? Eh? Just go and make the whale watch it unbearable for him. Where's whale watching in Blackpool, by the way? What? He said it's in Blackpool. Yeah, they're having them on.

Tell them no. Tell them, like, no, no. We're going to go to a fucking strip club, dude. No. Nobody wants to do your thing. I think it's crucial that you make the right person your best man. Yeah. Because I think the mistake here was picking this dude who's like i do like wales like i i think you fucked up like why he's my brother but he's obviously not up to

the task is it can you see john john be my best man yes i'm just gonna take a moment from my wild book i've got my museum membership up to 10 guests% off. Let me do a local reference here. Tottenham has their third fucking manager coach? Manager this year. When someone's not doing the job, you get replaced. Find a new guy to organise your place. This guy, UK reference.

And he's a Jew, and that's Tottenham. Hello. That's right, that's why I'm a fan of them. Thank you. Hello. The Jew right. That's why I'm a fan of them. You know what I mean. Thank you. Hello. The Jew Club. Thanks, Adam, just for underlining that. What? What do you mean?

What do you mean? Do you know what I mean? Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't go wild watching a Blackpool also. You can. Unless he means like the country of. I mean, you can if you keep going in that boat.

You start in Blackpool and you end up in the North Sea. Did you guys name this podcast because you found those two mugs and then like, let's name a show after that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We didn't even just find one. We found two matching mugs.

Wow, yeah. Oh, that's good branding. We like that logo. What came first, the mug or the... I love a backstory for you guys. Like me, like, I want this mug.

Like, there's another one, guys. Like, what's your name? Oh, okay. Let's be friends. We should start an empire. Finn, there's another one, guys. Like, what's your name? Oh, okay. Let's be friends. We should start an empire. Finn, thanks for doing the prep. That's the end of the episode. Finn, thank you.

No worries. Harry, nice one. Thanks for coming in. Yeah, it was fun. All over social media, I just feared you on YouTube. On YouTube. Go see it.

Fucking, I don't know. Go watch it. Leave a comment. I try to tell people to leave a comment that's associated with the podcast you saw me promoting it on. Okay. So what? Put bum nuggets. What? Bum nuggets. I was going to say Jew club, but I don't think that's right. Why don't you just put

have a word? No, bum nuggets is much funnier. Put bum nuggets. No, whale watcher. Bum nuggets. I came here funnier. Put Bum Nuggets. No, Whale Watcher. Bum Nuggets. Whale Watcher here. I came here from whale watching. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Finn, is there someone who wants to sing?

Yeah, there's a band from Moray in the northeast of Scotland. Is that how you say it? Oh, yeah. Whale watching fucking. They want to sing. What do you mean they want to sing? We play a song at the end of every episode.

She's a local band. From an unsigned person. Can I guess what they're going to sing? Where are they from? They're from Moray in Scotland. Okay, it what they're going to sing? Where are they from? They're from Scotland. Moray in Scotland. Okay, it's going to be like this. Have you heard it?

Yeah, I've heard it. It's so racist. And it's a tune called I Wanna. Sounds good. It is good. It is good. It's a really good song. Just the name of the song.

It's going to be good, isn't it? Yeah. Appreciate you, lids. guitar solo Black again, no idea where he's gonna go Will he keep on getting drunk or will he go back home? Fuck a line, what's in time? Am I primed? Cause I know in the morning it'll all be fine I wanna, wanna, wanna, wanna I wanna, wanna, wanna

I wanna, wanna, wanna, wanna I wanna, wanna, wanna Half past ten, not again, how's he getting home? He woke up hungry and he's cold and he's all alone He's getting late, can't see straight, where's his face? Boy, he thinks he's going home, but there's lines on our plate I wanna, wanna, wanna, wanna I wanna, wanna, wanna I wanna, wanna, wanna, wanna I wanna, I wanna, I wanna Friday night, drunken fight, staying on his toes

Taxi car, body slams, now he's made it home This is a dream where you've been, who you've seen Cause I, we never left with those holes in your jeans I wanna know, I wanna know, I wanna know I wanna know, I wanna know I wanna know, I wanna know, I wanna know I wanna know, I wanna know I wanna know, I wanna know, I wanna know

I wanna know, I wanna know, I wanna know I'll give up what I want Ask your friends what I've done Does she want to know? Bloody hands, darkened eyes And a broken nose No more gear Filled with fear Tipped with tears And you'll do it all again

When the weekend comes you