Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #228 with Daniel Muggleton - Have A Word w/Adam & Dan

Episode Date: June 11, 2023

Tickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Have A Word Live | https://haveawordlive.comDan's Tour | http://dannightingale.comAdam's Tour | https://adamrowe.co.ukDan's Previews | https://danspreviews.comComedian's Club Chester: https://www.comediansclubchester.comAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, Sensei Carl's Big Fat Quiz and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsGet tickets for Finn's Liverpool gig (24th June): https://linktr.ee/finnlaykThanks to this week's sponsors:Lovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_youtubeLove how you love and take 20% off site wide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: WORD20Android Homme | https://androidhomme.co.ukGet 20% off site wide with the promo code 'WORD20' at checkoutCalm | https://calm.com/wordGet 40% off a Calm Premium Subscription with unlimited access to Calm’s entire libraryManscaped | https://manscaped.com20% off with promo code: WORD20BetterHelp | https://betterhelp.com/word10Get 10% off your first month!NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordGrab your EXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal by going to nordvpn.com/haveaword. Get 4 bonus months when you purchase a 2 year plan. It’s completely risk free with Nord’s 30 day money-back guarantee!Sneak Energy | https://www.inflcr.co/SHHVlFuel different, drink Sneak.Become one of the lids:https://patreon.com/haveawordpodTickets:https://haveawordlive.comMerch:https://haveawordpod.comFind us everywhere:https://haveaword.pageDiscord:https://discord.gg/haveawordpodFollow the podcast, our hosts and our guest on social media:Have A Wordhttps://facebook.com/haveawordpodhttps://twitter.com/haveawordpodhttps://instagram.com/haveawordpodAdam Rowehttps://facebook.com/adamrowecomedianhttps://twitter.com/adamrowecomedyhttps://instagram.com/adamrowecomedianDan Nightingalehttps://facebook.com/danhasapodcasthttps://twitter.com/danhasapodcasthttps://instagram.com/danhasapodcastDaniel Muggletonhttps://twitter.com/danmuggletonhttps://instagram.com/danmuggletonADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Adam Rowe. This is my podcast co-host Dan Nightingale. This is the Have A Word podcast, and we have some exciting news, although it's not news because this has been the case for quite a while. We're on tour! We are going on tour. Tickets are available at haveawordlive.com. Now, here's the thing. We're doing a live version of this podcast with many special guests joining us. We've already done one show in Birmingham, huge success, and we have shows coming up in Newcastle, Dublin, and Glasgow. Newcastle and Glasgow,

very close to sold out, but Dublin needs a bit of a push, you know what I'm saying? Vicar Street, Dublin, Thursday the 6th of July, get in it. Irish lids, come on. There's still a couple of hundred tickets left,

and we'd like to sell this big old room out, but we're getting there. In the autumn, I'm on tour, dannightingale.com, all around the country. And then Adam's on tour. Pretty much the same time as Dan, adamrode.co.uk. I'm going all over the gaff. Europe, the UK, Australia, and America still to be announced.

I'm very excited about it. And on top of that, the primary purpose of this little pre-roll is to tell you about this podcast's Patreon page. If you're not already a Patreon, what are you waiting for? 22,000 and counting. We are the 18th biggest Patreon on the planet. Patreon.com slash have a word pod starts from just three quid a month

and you get all of these extras. You get a Patreon exclusive every Wednesday. Just me, Adam, Carl, and the boys, unadulterated, unfiltered, have word at its best. You also get the early release of the public episode. The pubes get it Monday. If you're a patron, you get it Saturday. And then also the back catalogue of all the patron specials,

which are some of our finest fucking work. It's not just patron specials. You get access to the entire back catalogue. Every bonus episode that we've ever done, you get as soon as you sign up. And like Dan said, we do a special every month. We've done drunk episodes in here, our legendary lock-ins. We've been on two ghost hunts.

We've done the Amsterdam special, which is the most popular one we've ever done. And coming this month, we've got the Nashville special. A two, maybe even three-part special coming this month. And if you sign up from just three pound you get access to all the content five pounders and ten pounders get extra bonuses for signing up for a bit more money but if you're just after the content you can get it all from

just three quid a month at patreon.com slash have a weird pod 22k get on me have a weird live.com for those tickets yeah yeah? Yes. All the live show tickets, all my tickets, all Dan's tickets. Come on. All in one convenient place. Come see the lids. Wag Wag Lids, you're listening to the funniest podcast in the game. From the heart of Liverpool, with Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn.

This is the one and only Have A Word. Brought to you by Manscaped, the very best products on the market for below the waist groomers. Go, Ed, get on me. Hello. You all right? Hello. Played me first round of golf. Went round in 66.

What? 66 shots? Four under. It was nine holes. No, I was 32 over. went round in 66 what 66 shots four under it was nine holes no I was 32 over I only played the front nine okay yeah yeah well I say I only played the front nine

I played Allerton and there's only nine so you're meant to play those nine twice classic Allerton but I didn't I didn't just play them once see me at the 10th you know

that's where you find me hang on is there a boozer called the 10th no there isn't a you find me hang on is there a boozer called the 10th no there isn't a boozer there is there is it's a lovely place

oh is it yeah on the Allerton yeah I watched Paddy's first UFC fight there what he had a fight

at the Allerton no I watched his on a big screen there oh right there's a sports bar there called Fletcher's oh Fletcher's sports bar hashtag

the 10th. Mack Manaman owns it. Hashtag. Steve McManaman. Oh, what the fuck is this? Are you making it up? Why is all this mad to you? Macka owns Allerton and there's only nine.

No, he owns Fletcher's. Oh, right, right, right. He calls it Fletch. Caused in a very niche joke. Like 1% of our listeners will go, well, that's never stopped us before. I believe you. Hey!

Great. Good. Golf. We're going to play again today once we're done with this shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get this out of the way. This only pays all of the money. Golf, you know, that's the thing, isn't it? That's your focus now. Live golf for the rest of them? I'm looking forward to your golf channel that you've probably

had the idea about and it's definitely on the cards for what I don't want to create content with it I want it to be me escape from this prison that is constant content of life yeah I give that two years there will be a golf channel no his therapist told him he needs a hobby outside of his job

I'm not doing it I'm not ruining it the only time I'm making golf content is when we do the Hathaway Open next summer I'm not doing it. I'm not ruining it. The only time I'm making golf content is when we do the Hathaway Open next summer. I'm bowing. Good. Can't wait for Adam to get dead competitive about that. I'll just be the best by then, so it doesn't matter. Always fun.

Gonna do a Patreon special. Shut the fuck up! Is it a pro-am? I don't know what that means. A professional amateur. It's like a professional gets put with a celebrity. Oh, you could do, sure. I'm getting Tiger Woods. He's not very good anymore, is he?

John Rahm. I think I have to have a word. I'm thinking about doing the, have you seen the clips on Instagram and the talk where the guy goes around gardens and he's like, I see your lawn's really overgrown. Can I cut it and just mow your lawn for free?

And they're like, that would be so amazing. I lost both my arms in a toaster accident. I would like to, I think that's... A toaster accident? Yeah.

What was the accident? It was a big old toaster. Toaster for a long time. I went ahead to some crumpets, put my arms in, and I came over the lawn. You just got too living. I went ahead to some crumpets, put my arms in, and I came over the lawn. You just got two bagels. I would love to be,

I find those videos so satisfying. Get the streamer out. When have words fucking paid off? I think those videos actually show the sad state of humanity a lot of the time. And I'm helping with content. No, here's my point. So for those who haven't seen it,

like this fella goes and knocks on random people's doors. He's already set the camera up and he goes uh your lawn's a piece of shit do you want me to fix it and a lot of the time because like people don't expect anything for free in this world they get very suspicious and say no don't do initially like no no no don't be doing that don't be doing me a favor because they think someone's trying to trick them into yeah for gardening but isn't that a sad way to see the world yeah yeah because i mean if you can't mow your lawn things are fucked i'm gonna say that i genuinely you a lawn is a an insight into what's going on in someone's life well if you've got grass and you've let it go mental i think something's going on i'm not judging I'm saying yeah or you got hay fever

yeah you're making excuses for these people but I'll be the guy who's going round alright lads your lawn's fucked okay

yeah put the rottweiler away I'll fuck no don't leave it maybe not do it round you know I don't know bootle but

psychologists reckon the inside of your car is a physical representation of the inside of your mind. Right. Leading psychologists. They knew Adam Rowe had got a dirty, dirty mind until someone from one of the Aeneas fucking cleaned it up. WrestleMania.

Lithia. Rowe. Yeah. Wrestle. I often get Triple H to clean my car. Tan. Sprays the water all over. I honestly think if your lawn's gone to shit,

I'm not a very judgmental person, but if you're in and around my age and you've let your lawn go to fuck, I think there is a bit of judgment there. You're projecting. I am, yeah. Because you can't go around going, my life's, you know, sorted,

but you can say, look at the fucking stripes in them lawns yeah but what happened your life might not be sorted because you've wasted your time doing your fucking lawn I just don't think I don't think there's a correlation there

I don't think everyone's gone I don't think you're getting your house repoed but your garden's absolutely immaculate I don't think those two I'm listen

I don't know but I'm just saying I've got a yard although when I was doing cocaine, I did do some gardening. So yeah, okay. Now the two things don't marry up so well,

but I tell you what, I garden the fuck out of that garden. You just like gardening, Dan? I want to, I think I'm going to go, when you do Golf Channel, definitely happening, I am going to go fucking Dan's charitable cleanup. Like, lad, this is all fucked. I'll get the streamer out. Finn's here as well

because he's part of the breakup. I've got hay fever. I'm out. Yeah. Well, that's Fernando's fucked. Are you the new Alan Titchmarsh? No,

I don't want to do actual gardening. I don't, I don't know gardening. I don't get it. I just love, I think it's very satisfying the tidy up. You know,

when they stream it and then he fucking power sprays. I think watching it's satisfying. I don't want to do it though. Yeah, it's probably going to take ages, isn't it? Yeah. It looks like it takes about 80 seconds. He's not that quick. You know, when they stream it and then he fucking power sprays. I think watching it's satisfying. I don't want to do it though. Yeah, it's probably going to take ages, isn't it? It looks like it takes about 80 seconds. He's not that quick, you know.

That's like a time lapse that he puts up. Yeah, I think that's maybe where... When he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. God, I want to do something dead sound. It's going to take about a minute and a half. Yeah, I'd do that. I'm not doing fucking three hours in someone's garden. Fuck that, mate.

Just tarmac-y. Tarmac-y garden. Can I sort your front garden out? Yeah, nice one. Shut the door. Bring the tarmac,. Tarmac it. Can I show you from garden house? Yeah. Nice one. Shut the door. Bring the tarmac lads. Come on. Get round. Just tarmac everyone's drive. It's a different video, isn't it?

Yeah. Come on now. Come on, guys. Let's get this done. I'm gonna do it in two hours. I'm gonna go for a fucking Nando's. No hay fever on the tarmac, that's it. I'm worried I've got hay fever, whatever this fucking cold is.

I mean, are you itchy? Do you feel looks, I mean, what's your symptoms? Are you itchy? Do you feel like you want to itch inside of your face? Facial gonorrhea? Go. Yeah. You got hay fever. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've been itchy all over. Yeah, it's hay fever. Oh my God. Itchy all over. Yeah, my mom's pubes got a bit itchy, but I think that's because I've been using the shampoo on me cock. Ooh.

Mama like that. Mama like that. Yeah, that's not uncommon. I use shampoo on me cock. Yeah, I'm not allowed to though. Not on the cock. On the bit above. I'm not allowed to. But you wash your cock.

Basically, I ran out of Dove and I thought the shampoo would be fine. And I've had like a bit of a reaction. What shampoo is it? It's from Losserton. L'Occitane. Oh, L'Occitane. From where?

So I say both. The French gear. L'Occitane. Herbal Esenquez. I've had it before where, like, I was worried that I'd caught the AIDS

off a pussy. Yeah. And I went to the woman. That is the medical term as well. You're doing really well to learn that. Lad, I've caught the AIDS off a stanky pussy.

Do you know what I mean? I went to her and was like, have I got the pussy AIDS on my cock? And they were like, no, lad, that's L'Occitane, mate. They're know what I mean? I went, I was like, have I got the pussy aids on me cock? And they were like, no, lad, that's Locatini, mate. They're like, you're using a,

you're using like scented stuff on your thing, so you need to use Dove or something. You're going to give yourself a thrush. Yeah. Give me a minute. Is it all right now? It wasn't bad this time. I just needed a day of using actual good stuff.

Just got a bit of... Can you go rollerblading yet? Smelled nice. Smelled nice, but it was itchy. Yeah. But now you're back, you know?

Back on form. Natural mons pubis. I know we've been using that a little bit once in a while, but it does sound fucking horrific, doesn't it?

The mons. My neighbours have breathed off and I'm dead sad. Oh. Hang on. It neighbours have moved off, and I'm dead sad. Oh. Hang on. It's a screech, that. They moved out because you were in your car comfort zone?

You're like, I can't take this no more. We're leaving. Kyle, got some bad news. My mons pubis has grown too big for the Spanish courts to have heightened. We've got to leave. Look at the size of that. Why don't you buy next door

and knock it through? So you've got a big house? It's sold. Buy it off the new people can we have this double it it's a lot of pesos you met the new people

no but I mean one of them is an actor an actor apparently he's a famous guy famous apparently so

let's speculate someone from Brookside it's not Simbad or Jimmy Corkill now if youba, it's Jimmy Corkill now. If you live next door to Jimmy Corkill, I expect constant content. You phoned the busies. Honestly, please live next door to Jimmy Corkill.

Find a way to move next to him. That's my dream. Do you live next to the character Jimmy Corkill? No, you used to live next to him. The character? Yeah. No, live next to the character, Jimmy Gorgon? No, you used to live next to him. The character? Yeah. No, you just get him to do it, don't you? Do it again. You found the disease. Yeah, but I'm gutted he moved out yesterday.

So you haven't met them at all yet, and all you know is that one of them's an actor? Yeah. Do you know whether it's a man and a woman or two men? It's a man and a woman. Okay. Heterosexual, old school. Yeah. Is that where we went to first? First thing you've got to know about your new neighbours Do you know whether it's a man and a woman or two men? It's a man and a woman. Okay. Heterosexual, old school. Yeah. What do we... Is that where we went to first?

First thing you've got to know about your new neighbours, are they gay? No? That's fine. Not asked either way, but I did ask first. No, but like... First.

First. Oh, dear. Where's my sneakers? Sorry, I don't think I'm functioning well. Carry on. It's a heterosexual... If you live next door to gay people, you know there's certain considerations

that you've got to make. No, there's not. It is. You can't say certain things after certain times. What? Yeah. What? Can't be screaming homophobia through the walls

if there's gays next door. Well, yeah. Yeah, that's a good point, isn't it? You can't. You've all got hobbies. Are you going to keep that to yourself as well? No, just recommended that. Go on.

Sneak's going to help me. It's a heterosexual couple. You might want to put a pride flag up to show them that, you know, you're team gay. I've got one. Do you know if it's the man or the woman? It's the man.

Are you hoping for a specific ethnicity? Asian. They're quiet. They're quiet. An Asian. Old Asian people are the goat neighbors an old asian actor maybe it's the fella from squid game the old fucked one that'd be good or jackie chan that'd be quite yeah and no one else no one else can be thought of that pause was everyone going...

Sandra Oh, which is a lady. Michelle Yeoh. That almost made up. It's not, is it? Sandra Oh is a... Probably Lucy Liu from Charlie's Angels. Maybe they've like threw you a KF ball. Pretending the actor's a man.

Why are you so sad that your neighbours are... What made them good neighbours? He hates actors as well. Yeah uh they were just lovely people and it's so were these the were these the doctors yeah oh that's why you're fucking sad no they just you've got 999 next door just that easy to talk to they've got a lovely Well you shut up They're like Nine Nine nine nine Next door can you hear me Knocking on I can hear choking

It's the good kind It's the good kind I haven't had no sugar And milk Did you make it They're asking Who's the handsome No they were just lovely

And they had a lovely Like a toddler girl Who was dead cute And she loved Wallace And it was just Yeah Getting good neighbors you can't pick them can you no it's like your family yeah so if the bad that's it the bad oh no what's the worst name you've had and the snorer in japan the snorer yeah maybe it's them coming back, following you. Just one fella. And I punched the wall that much and he moved out. Was it that bad?

The walls are thin in Japan, famously, yeah. Paper thin. I punched the wall that much and he moved out. I said horrible things as well. The paper thin. You punched it, you're like, fuck off. Get out. Go on, sling your luck.

How bad was the snoring? It wasn't bad, but he snores and that's all it needs. It's deep and it's just a constant noise. And you go... And then you'll stop for ten seconds and then you'll hear it again and you'll want to suffocate him in the night. I hope he didn't speak English. Laura was rumbling last night when I got back from my gig.

Fighting? I fucking... She's got a bassy snoring of that woman. What do you do to live with that? Don't you just leave her snoring? I just sleep on the other side of the house. It works real well with industrial earplugs. Night, night.

You sleep with earplugs? He does. Yeah, we share the hotel room. He does use earplugs. Orange ones. I can't hear anything oh we could have had ones such a fucking

pedophile the first thing I'd know about a fire was the flames licking my fucking arse I can't hear a fucking thing like I'm out

you are such a pedophile that scares me why? I like to be very aware of where I am if I can't hear anything my first thought is I've gone deaf.

Yeah, but I don't have crazy lady anxiety. Every night. No, I haven't. That's why I can't sleep with a mask on, because when I wake up, I think I've gone blind. I've been putting earplugs in. Okay, night-night. That is genuinely how I wear it.

Yeah, I'm the paedophile. You're right. You are a paedophile? That's why people wear earplugs so they can't hear the screaming children in the basement. Is that why you wear them? That was bleak. I don't want to hear them.

That's why I put the earplugs in. Concealer the fucking dogs next door. They must be loud. They must be Japanese snoring neighbour loud. Those fucking idiots. 3 a.m. What's going on? What's going on? What's going on?

You dumb fucking dogs. Oh, fuck, I've woken up. I think they go to sleep, right? And then wake up and everyone's gone to bed and they're like... You're a dog, mate. Sleep. It fucking is. It's just a stupid dog. A dog needs to shut up. Oh, no, Carl, just to be clear, they don't say... where is everyone you're a dog mate that's not dogs sleep where's everyone

a dog needs to shut up oh no Carl just to be clear they don't say they don't articulate where is everyone I was just doing a little bit that

then I'd start thinking it might be the neighbours fucking hell he's had a nap again and slept I seen a tiktok the other day of a dog like crying

because he thought everyone was out the house so he's like sat by the front door like wailing but then his owner's in and she's like videoing he thought everyone was out the house. So he's like sat by the front door, like wailing. But then his owner's in and she's like videoing the dog from like over the balcony

and he spots it and goes, oh, it's so fucking funny. It's great. Yeah, there's no dogs in our road who shout. The neighbors were lovely. And now I bet you like a fucking guitarist or something's moving in next door. Guitarist, the worst of all the musicians.

You'd rather a guitarist than a drummer. No one drums at home, though, do they? Yeah. Do they? I love seeing people post with the clips

and they've got kids. They've got kids a drum set. They're like, we want to get some energy out. I'm like, that is a war crime on your street. A saxophone would be bad as well.

Quite pit. No, that would be good when you're trying to get in the mood with Serica. What, I've got to wait for him to start playing the saxophone? Yeah, exactly. Hey, next door's got the sax out.

Get your kit off, girl. I'll get my sack out. Touche. Touche. He's got his sax out so I'm getting my sack out. Yeah. Get your socks off.

I'll knock your socks off So you're hoping for an old Asian actor or is it just going to be an actor? It's already an actor, we're just hoping he's old and Asian so that he's not like he hasn't got loads of lines I know who the actor is

Oh you know who it is? I'm just not going to say on the public episode How famous out of 10? I don't know them. Oh. I can't believe you're going to be living next door. Is this Samuel L. Jackson? It's mad.

He's Asian now as well. Yeah. He's changed ethnicity. 2023, you can do what you want. I'd love to. You got sent off there. Did you? Yeah.

You got a straight red. Can someone send us some referee cards I wanna actually I think we've got to the point now where we should have them

we need a screen there with the VAR on we need VAR but yeah let's just go on Amazon and order some referee cards and then I've got a button and it just says

whatever it is play on right well good luck because I love my neighbours on one side but those dogs are fucking loud

and on the other side it's just like the Cold War it's not good Laura's getting so miffed with it she's like I think I want to move and we're happy

where we are and I'm like does she want to move to Nashville, Tennessee maybe yeah oh god yeah I should have mentioned that she's well up for it

by the way when you actually both realise that our lives will be so much better over there then just convince your partners and we'll just go. If you haven't signed up to the Patreon, the Have A Word special is...

The Have A Word special? The Nashville special is out now. And, oh, my God, just even watching the clips this week has reminded me how unbelievably good that week was, how much fun we had. And Will's not here because he's been editing it like a fucking documentary. It's so big.

There's three episodes going out in June. And he's done such an amazing job. By the time this goes out, episode one's out on patreon.com. Sign up and just watch this. It's his opus. It's a masterpiece. And he's not here so he can

lick his balls a bit that boy is talented our will hutchby knows what he's doing he gets what we want fucking brilliant yeah and one of the nicest cunts i've ever met yes yeah um so we love you willie yeah i'm not moving there but my god that was an amazing trip why didn't you want to move there I really like my life yeah yeah I really like my life just move your life there

and I know people slag off the UK but I think it's just so short sighted we've I know it's not ideal but we've got it pretty fucking good cost £700 a turn like the boiler

I don't think I think you're going to go somewhere else and find other serious problems. And Nashville is an amazing city and I want to go back, but I don't want to live there. And I love American sports. I love American culture,

but I think we've got it. I feel like I've got it good. We'll make Mark move after. You're going to do something to make him move? Yeah, that could be a good option. I wish he'd fucking move to Nashville. Why can't we just like slowly make his life unbearable so that they move?

I just think he's so hardline that he, I think he'd revel in it. It's just easier ignoring him. I think he wants. No one revels at getting shot. It's good. Are you going straight to the, just make his life unbearable.

Shoot him twice in the head, three times in the torso. No, because that's murder, Dan. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. Kneecap both. Yep. Shoot him in the shins. Oh, and there's no prosecution for kneecapping.

From a distance. Ah, from a distance. With a sniper rifle. From a grassy knoll. From behind my own bush. If I had my front door and got sniped in the shins, I'd move out.

So... By an old Asian actor nearly did a voice nearly did a voice just do Samuel Jackson's voice I'd like to live next to Denzel that'd be sick just listening to it

like just do Denzel again just for everyone just in case anyone missed it I can't think what he'd say out loud. These eggs are good. I'm trying to sleep, Denzel! Keep it down!

Hey! I'm Denzel! These eggs are good. These eggs are good. He's proclaiming it. I don't know what he'd say in the house. Yeah, but if he wakes up from a nap... Have you ever seen a Denzel Washington film?

You've seen any films with him in? Yes. Training Day. Training Day. Where he's always like, he's actually good. He's actually good, baby. Famous.

That's his famous line, isn't it? He just keeps going to it. It's like a girl. Oh, no. He's in a home office and someone's like, where's your office, Denzel? He's like,

it's in there. Is that from Two Pints? When I don't get stuff, it's usually from Two Pints. You're in the office, baby. All right. These eggs are good. I'm cooking eggs in the office.

I'm Denzel. Classic Denzel. Sound like your dog's next door. No, it's like, hey, hey, hey. I'm just saying it'd be cool to hear him say stuff like, someone's at the door in his accent I think Denzel as much as I respect him bit of a boring neighbor no yeah you're

fucking joking mate you're telling me you'd rather have a Denzel barbecue with your neighbor or a Samuel L Jackson barbecue I'd take Sammy J all day there wasn't no comparison there you could rather play a bit of hoops Den Denzel in the garden, wouldn't you? I think Denzel seems to take himself quite seriously. He's a serious guy. Eggs all day. Nothing but eggs. Kobe eggs.

What? I think Denzel's an incredible man. But... I think he's cool as fuck. So you'd rather live next door to Samuel L. Jackson? Samuel L. Jackson's a Liverpool fan, so it would make sense that he'd be with Liverpool. I cannot... He seems a bit triad, though, doesn't he?

What? Wearing purple glasses all the time. He'd be fucking class. Imagine going out to water the plants and you can just smell cigar smoke and Samuel L. Jackson's just fucking around in his garden. Denzel smokes cigars. Oh, my God.

I just think Denzel, as much as I respect him, Sammy J's gonna be way more fun. Nah, I'd take Denzel. Or Al Pacino. Do you know what that'd be like? These eggs are good! Oh! She got some great eggs!

That'd be mad that Adam. I don't know where you pulled that from. But it really works. Imagine! Imagine! That would be mad that Adam. I don't know where you pulled that from, but it really works. Imagine, imagine, imagine. You know, living next door to you. It's great. It's fun. It's tasty. Imagine if it was Kevin Webster that you're living next door to. Hey! Lend some milk For Ozy Roy Keane Roy Keane Yeah That wasn't bad That wasn't bad at all Why did you pull Roy Keane

I remember I remember That's what he does Maybe a year ago He did one Roy Keane impression It stuck in my head It's the best impression he does Dan

I love Roy Keane I think that was He's fucking great He can't be playing music At nine o'clock in the morning. People are going to work. Dan. Baby. Jackie Chan.

Such a baby. Jackie Chan. I don't do the noise. That's it. What's worse than his lips? What? When it comes to Asian people, I... What's it, Rocky?

I don't know. I've changed. I don't do the sound. I just... You know, that's it. Do you know who Jackie Chan is? I'm just calling back've changed I don't do the sound you know that's it do you know who Jackie Chan is I'm just calling back to something I did before it looks like Sly Stallone

Robert De Niro well good luck on your search god I'd fucking love it if it was Samuel L Jackson you move in for the weekend don't you no moves in midweek it is a good move take Friday off try and move the shit in Samuel Jackson well they're gonna move in on Friday I think that's what you do you move in for the weekend don't you no moves in midweek right no it's good

it is a good move take Friday off try and move the shit in yeah god I hope I never move again fucking hell Martin just buck up

would you get a mortgage now at your age that's a good question Karl what Karl what I'm 42 that's his point i'm 42 the banks you can get a mortgage at 42

sure i'm not have you tried in 60 now you're making me worry i can't get a mortgage i'm definitely not moving the pen is my fog off On a nice interest rate. I realise we've got to die before we're 70 for our money to be okay. What? The thing we say on the day of the life insurance. Yeah, he's paying out.

It's fine. You've got to die before you're 70. No way, I'm dying before I'm 70. There's a chance. No. 0% chance. Oh, right. Western medicine's come so far.

Western? Western? Western? Well, when he's got new neighbours, you can use Eastern. You know? Oh, Jackie Chan. Lad, got a prescription. Yeah.

There's no way I'm done by 70. It's another 40 years. Imagine how many advances they're going to be in then. You've seen Apple's new fucking AR thing. Bang into it. AR? I can't wait. Yeah, so if Apple are fucking making the world fucking digital,

then they're definitely going to cure IBS by the time I'm 70. That's what's going to kill you. I was going to shit myself to death. That's his hamster. I've been in the toilet a long time. Yeah. He's not coming back yeah Dan have you seen

this Apple thing talk me through it Apple Vision Pro so it's like have you seen Carl's Oculus Rift yeah it's like that

Oculus Quest oh sorry sorry it's the Rift the old one it basically turns your world into your phone

it's AR and VR so it's augmented reality as well as virtual reality so what you you can see this room but with like things in it and shit. Right and that stops you

shooting yourself to death does it? No it's totally unrelated but I'm just you know I'm drawing a parallel. If technology's going that far then they're gonna like medicine's gonna go

even further. You're having a robot sphincter? Absolutely. The second that it's possible for me to get a Bionic Bumhole I'm getting a Bumhole. The Bionic Bumhole is boss getting a bumhole. The Bionic bumhole is boss. Yeah.

It's a great cartoon. Adam Rowan, the Bionic bumhole. What does it do? What's the cartoon? It's going to be a rough day where you have to go and see a genius at the Apple shop. Like, my bumhole's in tatters. And, you know,

I think I've got some fluff in me bumhole charging port and you blow it out for me. There's a fucking 18-year-old going, I've never seen a bionic bumhole this big. What have you been doing? Don't know. Must be a fault. You blow it out.

Me arsehole isn't charging. It's a new charger. Oh, no. Fucking. I'm getting this vision. I know it's expensive yeah but i i i'm a sucker for tech it's where they spend me money i think it's terrifying yep why i just i do i just think focus on the positives you're buying a bummer a self-driving car no i won't be having one of them it's gonna be contact lenses in no time and that's's going to be full on Black Mirror shit, this.

It's scary. You can literally replay memories. It's insane. It records things in 3D. So you can literally replay something that you've just watched back in 3D. It's not blowing me away. It's technology. It's come on a long way.

Exactly. I'm excited, Dan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait till I've got a robot dick. The replaying of memories is literally an episode of Black Mirror. No, but you've got to do recording. What? It's just like watching...

It's just a different way to think on your phone, isn't it? It doesn't constantly record. It does? It doesn't. So you've got to set it to record? No. It's the camera in it.

You have to turn the camera on and record with it. It's not constantly recording. Otherwise, it'd just be you sitting there. That's still scary, isn't it? It's horrific. And I'm definitely getting one. I can't wait to have one.

Wait a couple of generations, I would, personally, to see how it improves. No, I'll buy the first one. I bought the first Apple Watch, and now I've got the Ultra. Oh, by the way, I'm not getting the Robot Dick 1. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Robot Dick 3, 4. Then I'm in. I wonder if you'll be able to trade in your Robot Dick. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Robot dick three, four. Then I'm in.

I wonder if you'll be able to trade in your robot dick. Oh, yeah. Fucking hell. Get an upgrade. It's quite loud. Like a used dick. A used one. What?

Oh, there'll be a market for it on eBay. CX. Yeah. There's a used one there with a couple of scratches on. 600 quid. Scratches? What was he shagging? Someone else's bionic bumble.

A lawnmower? Dan, why is your dick so loud? I wouldn't want it if it did that. Yeah, there's a few faults. You know, the robot dick four is not perfect. But it'll scare Martin off. What's that, Martin? Oh, really?

I can't fucking wait. You can do that with your own dick and scare them off. What's that, Martin? Oh, really? Can't fucking wait. You can do that with your own dick and scare them off. Just make that happen. What's that, Martin? Yeah. Cock. Woo! Woo!

Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Get your dick out on the fence. Stand on the fence and get your dick out and be like, Martin, you want to live there, do you? You're going to have to look at my cock daily.

What if I just start flashing my knob to him? Shag his wife? No one would believe him. No one would believe him. If I just went... Out of nowhere, we make eye contact and it's grumpy. If I just went, what? Did I just see that?

Oh, we get on really well with his wife. Imagine if he ever films it, though, and then you get actually caught. You're like, hey, Matt. Any kind of video, you you just getting your dick out. He's not a tech guy. It's fine. But that would be better.

Just make that noise. I would move out if you kept making that noise. You're all right, babe. I don't know whether it's hay fever or I've got a cold, but who gets a cold in June? Who gets a cold in June? Who gets a cold in June? Do you usually get a fever? I think I got it last year for the first time.

What? You can lose it and you can get it throughout your life. Are you late to the game? Yeah. It's not a game you want to play. It's awful. When we first moved to Chester, we were new. It would make sense because I played golf last night,

so I could have, you know, surrounded by pollen and trees and grass and golf balls. We moved to Chester and there was a field near us and I think it was like rapeseed or some sort. Don't be that guy, Carl. He did it! He's still doing it. I can't.

Someone said there was a rapeseed field near. That's why you moved there. Oh, dear. Guys. he's still doing it I can't someone said there was a rapeseed feel near oh dear guys did you plant them but I'm allergic to rapeseed let me tell you that I'm sorry I'm one of your

artists right here's the thing you're having a go at me and him for laughing no I wasn't even laughing I just looked right down the camera

because you said rapeseed you know this podcast and you know me and him very well and you knew full well that if you said the word rapeseed we were going to react to it yeah I did yeah yeah yeah

I just I thought it'd be a fun game to see if you could hold it in rapeseed oil is great for cooking your scrams on flavourful better than olive oil you never mentioned it Grape seed oil is great for cooking your scrams on. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ah.

Flavourful, better than olive oil. You never mentioned it. I haven't cooked for ages. Horrible. Starving. Yeah, because you've replaced it with golf. I saw something the other day, and it was like when men reach the age of 35,

they make one of these things their personality. Cooking or golf? Golf, cooking, money for missing, the garden. I can't remember what the last one was. for messing the garden i can't remember what the last one was yours was the garden it was no golf yeah wait till i'm going to play golf again after this oh yeah oh yeah are you going to play golf if you've got a scratchy garden two three years time i'll come sort it out let it it grow. All right, let's have a break. Hello. Hi, everyone. Hi, welcome back to this episode of the Have A Word podcast.

What section is it? It's two of four. Mathematician. I'm so hungry. Yeah, we're getting some curry. Curry and lamb chops. I'm in a fat twat today. Oh, the lamb's good, yes.

Well, I was going to get a lamb madras, but then there was no option to sell them no coriander, so I went for butter chicken. Man hates that coriander, innit? I don't mind if it's in the stuff. It's just when it's fresh and on the top, just fucking shove it in the bin, you big cunt. Don't bring that coriander around my lips.

Man don't eat no coriander. It's disgusting. It's revolting. Do you get the soap things? Are you one of them? Yeah. Oh are you? Huh? It's like one in four people taste soap instead of coriander. Don't start him on soap. You've got to stop using coriander on your mum's

pubis. Finch! Shall we do some correspondence? Thank you once again for contacting us. This is from Carl Hickbread. See you, okay? See you. My man. Got a question for you.

Do you reckon you drank more pints, sat down or stood up? Sat down? Fucking stupid question. do you reckon you've drank more pints sat down or stood up sat down a fucking stupid question every question it's every question i think mine's stupid i don't know i think mine stood up we stood up we stand up now we sit down now but as youths i think it's a valid question yeah i used to when you when you're out you would have a pint on the side and just be fucking buzzing around wouldn't you

yeah and then just go to it it's not like you're constantly carrying it buzzing around in the club he doesn't sit still in the club

there's a pint in the club there's a pint in the club Tokyo Joe's oh yeah there was a pint in a club used to do a pint in a club it was Preston in the 1820s

that's so fucking good just swill everyone with your pint let's have a dance what did we used to do a pint in a club it was Preston in the 1820s that's so fucking good just swirl everyone with your pint let's have a dance what did we used to drink Smirnoff Mule what's Smirnoff Mule Smirnoff Mule

what is it I can't it's when you put a Smirnoff up your arse and get it across the border yeah that's what it was yeah

or you just did a pint you know because it hurt if I went to club with him and he ordered a pint we don't go anymore I'd leave that's great yeah Carl a pint If I went to club with him and he ordered a pint you don't go anymore I'd leave Carl

If you were in the club in any circumstance you would leave Can I have a snake bite please love Pint of John Smith's please love and if you don't mind get a fucking Rihanna remix on Let's broaden the question Pre Rihanna remix on? It's pre-Rihanna, mate. Let's broaden the question, then. Pre-Rihanna.

Yeah, let's change it to, have you drank more alcoholic drinks, stood up or sat down? Oh, that's a great question. Thanks for that. That is a good question. See, there you go. Sat down.

You're a fucking idiot. Stood up, then. Just from the club. I don't know. I still think it's close, because when you're in the club I still think it's close because when you're in the club like you especially you drink less once you're in the club I drink more before the club at home

I don't stand up at home at home it's sat down comedy club although I'm always stood up I lie on the floor when I'm drinking yeah I hang upside down like a bat when I'm drinking at home

no get to the end quicker not a pint though good science no I'm gonna go sat down

but back in the day when we were in Tokyo Joe's Preston I'd have a pint is that the only was that the only club that was the only club

everyone went open till 2.30 and then fuck me you had to leave then bedtime yeah fucking hell

I'm long in bed by 2.30 there was two in real there's one now one's shut down there was Zubar and Hidden Hidden Hidden

easy to find oh there was kind of a club Yuppies, but that was really for the mums. That smelt of Fanny. Sorry. We didn't really go there.

What, there was a smelt of Fanny? There was a nightclub for mums. Like a blob shop. Kind of. It was like, played like 80s and 70s music. The Rubber Soul? You'd go there because it was cheap drinks. Like, shots were...

It was like a reflex. Oh, yeah, sweaty. I don't know what reflex is. Swe monks when i lived in newcastle reflex was it was like all 80s music and then their reflex is an 80s bar their clientele gets older so it becomes a 90s bar like they just basically go with it's a retro bar but they don't want to go too retro. How long is it before it's... Noughties. I reckon it'll be noughties now. Ask him again.

No, it's all right. Yeah, Reflex is an 80s bar. Flair's a 70s, because they used to wear flared jeans in the 70s. What's the 90s bar? Pop World. Yeah, Pop World's

noughties and 90s, isn't it? Is it? Yeah. But will Pop World evolve? No. No? I suppose newer songs kind of yeah what's the most modern tune they play like do they go to like yeah a few years ago or is it occasionally

but it's predominantly it's a 90s bar yeah it's like spice girls would they play replay by ayaz yeah okay because that's like yeah they've got ears. Give Pop World 10 years. They're well in the teenies. Yeah. They're not going to just stick religiously to the 90s. They'll play to the clientele. Nothing wrong

with a pint in the club. You know it's clientele, don't you? It's not clientele. Yeah, I sort of do, yeah. It's client, isn't it? It's not client. No, you're right.

I represent my client. It's a French word. To the best of my ability. This is the man who rubbed his pubes with L'Occitanie. I don't know how to pronounce it. Well, okay. Well, I don't either. Yeah.

But you do, though. That's the problem. Sometimes we're just silly, aren't we? Sometimes we're just silly on purpose. Yeah. Clientel is not wrong. It's a French word. But clientel isn't wrong because we speak English.

Entrepreneur. Yeah, that's what i am got loads of businesses um you're both right don't know but uh i think stood up i think sit that's how you what i prefer now sat the fuck down thank you i think if we're talking alcohol in general it might be stood up for me. What about cumming? Lie on your back. Lie down. Lie on your back, sack down or stood up. If you have cummed more, stood up, you are a fucking paedophile. That is in the noncy section, isn't it?

Come on. I mean, I've done it once and it's happened, but you've got to be, the stats have got to be higher for the lie downs yeah oh god let's be adventurous let's have sex let's not let's not let's stay in the bed where it's well comfy do you ever change sexual position when you're making yourself come are you always there on your back or do you ever like have a little side wank oh everyone's had a fetal well he told us he's done an awful wankours wank. That must look awful if you walk in. It all looks awful if you walk in.

No, but your arsehole pointing at the door. Full gooch. What are you doing? Yoga. Yeah, that does, that would look bad. Hot yoga, mate. Oh, God. I'd leave. I'm doing hot yoga to get me hot yogas out.

Can I just we're about to go to hot yoghurt oh that's not right I had a girl ask me to spray her with me hot yoghurt once so I'm not even messing

I would come instantly she'd say give me your hot yoghurt it's dead funny no way really yeah I want your hot yoghurt you've got to be really attractive

to pull that one off do you want to share yeah hot yoghurt there's a niche one in it it's more warm as well if you're a nine an objective

across the board nine you can ask for dick in so many different ways can't you is she in a nine winky winky time in me foofy foofy place no that would put me off no across the board nine. You can ask for dick in so many different ways, can't you? Is she in a nine or a five? Winky, winky time in me foofy, foofy place. No, that would put me off.

No, I'd be like, whatever. No, you wouldn't. If you're rough like Maya Jammer, you've got to go. Put your winky, winky in me foofy, foofy place. It ends up as flip. I'd be like, oh, she's absolutely mental.

Still fucking it. Still fucking it. Still fucking it. Still fucking it. Bingo. Put the bingo in the flip. You know what I'm talking about. I'm a fucking £10 patron. Well, I'm sure she said they want your tepid yoghurt. What's another way

for yoghurt? If she did it with that lack of interest, I'd be like, tepid cream. Yoghurt. Just give us your, you know, whatever. I quite like hot yoghurt. Warm sour cream. Oh, God. Would it work? No. What did he tell you? I honestly think if a woman, a lady, if the person you're trying to bang is incredibly attractive and you're like, this is great, they can say whatever.

Cock saucer? They can say whatever. Why is it red? I don't know. It's your cock saucer. I've got some fucking fajitas here. On my fajita. Fajita.'s your cock's elsewhere. It's your cock's elsewhere. I've got some fucking fajitas here. On my fajita.

Fajita. Your man mayo's good. Gives that man mayo. Man mayo, yeah. You love honey. Ooh. Ooh. Darko, are you gay?

That's brown, though, isn't it? Gives a bit of your sneak energy drink there. Fucking stitch my fix. Fix my stitch, it'd be, wouldn't it? Can I ask a question about Tenerife? We're about to go. We're about to go to Tenerife. Can I just talk through the drinking plans?

I'm a little concerned. No plan. That it's all going to be, is it going to be, are we all the clubbing? Is it going to be bars? Club what? It's all inclusive.

We're not going to club. Oh, thank you. We might go to club one night. Might go to club. Yeah, what? One night in the club. We're going to see the club. What's a club?

Minimum one club? We're going to see the club. We're going to see the club, have a look. Oh, you do pints. I might stay in the club. I think in more bars. Motherfucker, do you do Worthington's bitter? Oh, I'm going to stay in this club.

I'm going to drink literally from breakfast every day. Yeah, I believe you. Yeah. All-inclusive pints. You're joking. Right. I'm more of like a... I don't think he's in more than one club.

I like a random cocktail. You don't really get pissed on all of the other, do you? Yeah. I don't. It is harder. Yeah, I do. I get it. Yeah, I get it.

I don't get that pissed, especially on the all-inclusive ale, which is always about 2% or 3%. Oh, right. Yeah, I do. I get, yeah, I get. I don't get that pissed, especially on the all-inclusive ale, which is always about two or 3%. Oh, right. It's the local. It's the local. It's weaker than it. It's free, so.

The hostels are good. The hotel is a good one. So maybe it'll be like, you know, we might get fosters out of it or whatever, but lager tops from breakfast till whenever, every day. Okay, so I don't think the club what I was

we'll go to the club one night yeah we've got to go to the club a lot of the time we're going to be using the hotel all inclusive then there's other bars

we'll go to and whatever and the water park I'm spending at least two full days at that water park and probably three I love that you're more

into the water park than you are the club it makes me really happy a thousand percent it makes me happy I'm literally sat here saying to you we water park than you are the club. It makes me really happy. A thousand percent. It makes me happy. Like, I'm literally sat here saying to you, we're going to go to the club one night and I'm not looking forward to it, as I'm saying it.

It's going to be early on. The only thing I'm going to enjoy in the club is me and Carl being both in relationships in a club in Tenerife and flirting with women that we have absolutely no intention of doing anything with to the point that

we can be absolute dickheads just trying to make each other laugh that is what I look forward to about the club like winding them up and pretending we work for like Interpol

yes well actually we work for NASA but on layover so we work for British NASA Tenerife we're going to the moon next month

so if you heard of decompression for the forces well I've just been the moon so you know it's a bit much inn a moon home so they just do a you know one night in senna reef the g forces yeah is that what you call it yeah we call ourselves our rap double head name we've got to get you laid on the g forces come on finn's getting some

african pussy wake that dick up come on man it's going fine knock knock hey finn he's getting some African pussy Finn Wake that dick up Come on man It's going fine Knock knock Hey Finn He's getting more pussy Than that Tom by the way Man's slaying No he is

I know he is Look at him Man's not slaying When was the last time You had sex Last month Last month Yeah

Alright cool Tell your accountant It's the 7th of June Finn What have you been doing this week this week a lot of work oh it's our fault

it's your fault oh it's our fault oh I'm subtitling too much for pussy shut up I can't finger you my fingers are broken when I'm subtitling

I don't even know what that word is what the fuck you love but I have a thumb yeah I think people are intimidated by the hands oh I reckon you want to stop shadow watching Fuck your love butt. I think people are intimidated by the hands.

Oh, I reckon. You want to stop shadow watching? Don't spank anyone. Break a pelvis. Alright, cool. I'm glad. I feel there's more sit-down pints coming on that six-eye. I'm not having pints.

I'm having proper mad cocktails. Give me a pina colada at half six in the morning. I can't wait for my airport pints as well. Give me an airport pina colada at half six in the morning. I'm going straight to the airport from the Arctic Monkeys as well. Yeah, no, you're going to be tired. Yeah, I don't think that counts as an airport pint. That's just a continuation of a night, isn't it? Yeah.

I'm going to be fucking tired on that plane, mate. What time can we fly? 6am. We've got to be there at four. Yes! That airport pint could be 4.40am. Oh, no. Lord.

I'm having a pina colada. I'm probably going to get to the airport at like half to me. I'm going straight from Sheffield. Right. Right. If you like pina coladas. Oh, mate. And getting caught in Spain.

Or near Africa. Ooh. Spanish-tentrally, though. Yeah, no. Cool. So everyone's sat down for pints. Never mind that. Next one. Okay, the next one. This is kind of a mix between question and advice.

It's from Aaron. Now then boys, this is a weird one, but I think I'm in love with a bird who doesn't speak English. I'm working abroad for the summer and this girl works for the same company. She's absolutely beautiful, seems really into me, but fuck me, she doesn't speak much english and i can't speak a fucking word of portuguese have any of you ever got off with a lady where there's been a language barrier and i suppose any advice here would be welcome first of all you're not in love with someone you haven't spoke

to no you want to shag them you're in lust lust. Like, you're ready to go to Pound Town. You know? Pork Village. You're all there for that. She'll understand that bit of English. Pork to a la Pork Village. What's Portuguese for fucking hot yogurt? Yogurto tempericado.

What is it? Your fanjita, my cacalado. No, I don't want to drink, love Put that fucking drink away My bangs Hot yoghurt in Portuguese Igor Tecuente Oh, mate My Igor Tecuente

On your head Ed Titellino Jose Mourinho Deco Give you the fucking Deco Ruben Diaz Ricardo

I fucking charisma all over you girl kiss my Deco what do you say how you say I know all these early century football players in a head in Portuguese

Deco Cresme I think he is in love I think he's a young man and he's fallen in love with this fucking Portuguese Pocahontas, why not why not you can't fall in love with someone you haven't spoke to she might be a fucking gobshite

she might be a massive racist and he doesn't know he doesn't understand her I love her, she's like you big English cuntite she might be a massive racist and he doesn't know he doesn't understand her I love her she's like you're a big English cunt you can't be is that racism that's just

eating English people xenophobia then alright maybe she hates Africans maybe she does if anything she might she might

she might have really prejudiced views on Inuits she might be a Portuguese paedophile I mean it works in terms of alliteration he doesn't know and it probably is her fault. This is her fault for not

learning English. Do you know what? I'm not saying it's her fault. I'm saying she might be a psychopath. She might have made children for all of them. She's a xenophobic, racist, psycho Portuguese paedophile. I have killed all of the babies in Portugal. Madeleine McCann, that was me!

Yay! She's fledged. She got taught English of the babies in Portugal, Madeleine McCann, that was me. She got taught English by a French person. So when she speaks English, she's got a French accent. I think she's so fit, it doesn't matter if she took Maddie. That's how fit she is. That's why he's falling in love. What rating is that? That is a 9.8. Yeah.

You're that fit. You could have captured Madeleine McCann. Yeah, yeah. I have a bit of a past, how you say. Is there anything? Here's a question. Is there anything that Laura could, your wife, anyone new to the pod, Dan's got a wife

called Laura. She's pretty committed to her. It's boring. She's great. I've had several relationships in the time this podcast has been happening because I'm committed to her it's boring she's great I've had several relationships in the time this podcast has been happening because I'm committed to content

but Dan just wants a happy life so if your wife admitted to like crimes now after all this time

crimes we can talk about this crimes what is there anything Laura could have done yeah if Laura had been involved in a hit and run and she'd killed like a We in Seneca talk about this. Crimes. What, is there anything Laura could have done? Yeah.

If Laura had been involved in a hit and run and she'd killed like a, not a child or an old person, let's just say like someone 30, right? Let's say like 20 years ago, she hit and run someone and ran away and got away with it.

If she, if she started going to therapy or whatever and she come back and was like, look, something's got to get off my chest, you should know. I actually, I think I killed someone.

I was involved in a hit and run. Would you leave her? Do you think I would? No, then. You're going to have to up the... What if she went,

listen, um... What if it was a deliberate hit and run? Someone who'd wronged her and she mowed them down and then got off? Right, now it's getting scarier,

isn't it? Yeah. No, but she's like, it was a bad thing I did. I'm sorry. I didn't like... I was addicted to meth at the time.

She was a meth addict. Hang on, what? She was addicted to meth. Yeah. Oh, the plot thickens on this one, doesn't it? Yeah. So there's been a hit and run. Yeah.

Should I... What's she saying? Like, do you still love me? Yeah, I do. I didn't know anything about it. It doesn't change anything for me. Should we go to the police? Let sleeping dogs fucking lie. Right. Now, actually, I do. I didn't know anything about it. It doesn't change anything for me. Should we go to the police? Let sleeping dogs fucking lie.

Right. Now, actually, I did it on purpose. Mum was pissing me off. You're not going to break up with her? Wouldn't give me the hot yogurt, hit and run. Then I'd be like, ooh, she's scary. And I was addicted to meth. Oh, okay.

New level. Because you were pretty judgmental about the whole cocaine thing two years ago. Never mind. Yeah, now it's getting more complicated. But yeah, this doesn't change where we are now does it still love her okay well to pay for me meth addiction i used to stand outside a school playground and take the dinner money off the kids on the way and after the parents have dropped off that's fine still it's fine isn't it what would you do if she cleaned her up she'd planned the terrorist attack but just didn't go through

with it now 9-11's on her is it no she didn't go through with it. Now 9-11's on her, is it? No, she didn't go through with it. She planned it. Yeah, like in Homeland. Yeah. Yeah, it's exactly that, isn't it? So she's worn a bomb vest. Oh, she's ginger!

Oh, fuck off! What? All right, sorry. She wore a bomb vest, and she was in a panic room with the President of the United States, but she thought better of it. No, she didn't press the button.

I tell you what, this is some therapist she's seen in it that's got all this out. I mean, we've been together nearly 10 years. From what I understand of therapy recently, it's just someone going, you're great. Oh, shit.

Yeah. Oh, bomb bombs? Yeah. She was in a panic room with Barack Obama. Yeah. What? She decided not to kill him. She sucked him off instead.

Just as she was about to press the button, he went, do you want some opal fruits? And she was like, do you know what? Anyone who'll give you some opal fruits doesn't deserve to die. Where'd you get them from?

Was it the past? He's got old opal fruits. Are they in date? No, they are Starburst, but he still calls them opal fruits because he's old school. That was the first question. He's retro.

Hang on, wait. Are they in date yet? Hang on. You want them to be in date. Now, I love retro sweeties. They all go all weird. There you go. Barack Obama offered Laura opal fruits

and she stopped a terrorist attack that she planned. Would you still love her? That's the question. I'm going, yeah. I'm going, yeah. Is there nothing she could do? I'm still in. I love the woman. She's the best thing ever. going, yeah. I'm going, yeah. Is there nothing she could do? Is there another layer? I'm still in. I love the woman.

She's the best thing ever. Life would be so poor without her. She did a little home invasion of John McCain. John McCain? Yeah. Yeah, that was the family ran for president. John McClane was the lead character in Die Hard. Donnie Carter left his armor.

Oh, yeah. Him. The senator from Arizona. I don't know why I know that. And to embarrass him, she would go, high five, and he couldn't and that you think would be worse than nearly killing barack obama over some starburst no she went in she terrorized him she was awful john mccain i'm still in i'm still in r.i.p john mccain didn't expect that to be fucking shouted out today still in i'm still in she dead no yeah yeah oh yeah he passed that was laura you just remind

me you know just a little side note do you know when you said then why do you know that john mclean is a senator of marizona i uh the other night was just watching like some stand-up clips on youtube and there's a really old one of tommy tiernan that fucking wrote me off so it's tommy tiernan i think at a comedy club called Comics with an X. I think it's in Canada. And he goes, he's like, why has my brain got room

for some information and not room for any, like for important stuff? I just can't remember important stuff. And he goes, anyway, Sandra Bullock's husband is thinking about moving to Texas

to be nearer to their children. Why the fuck do I know that? He goes, he hasn't even done it yet. He hasn't even decided to do it. He's just thinking about it. Someone's asked a question about Irish comics. Yes, yes. So that's from Paul.

Let me just give a smooth. He says, hey lads, just wondering who is your favourite Irish comedian? Being Irish myself, I would love to hear more about the Ireland comedy scene and wondering where to start looking for some that I might not have heard of. Second part is what do you think of Irish crowds

when you perform to them or when they're at your shows? Irish crowds have the same thing that Liverpool crowds have in that they think they're funny. So if you get them early, you'll have the gig of your life. But if you waste their time by being shit, they will let you know quite quickly. Favourite Irish comic is Dylan Moran.

Dylan Moran. Depending on whether you say it right or not. And Tommy Tiernan is exceptional i think tommy's my favorite i think he's fucking brilliant i get talking about clips that if i get in a tommy tiernan like rabbit hole i can stay in it for ages because i also think you know we were talking a few weeks ago about comics that suit your style yeah i see in to Tommy, like the way I like doing it. He's got a thought, he's very smart, Tommy.

He's got that beautiful balance of, this is a really clever point. Like it's insightful, but he acts the twat with it. He'll play the role, the big performer. We are a nation of lunatics. And before we had mental hospitals,

we just had open spaces and if you were mad people just told you to fuck off i just think he's exceptional and people ask who would you like to see on the couch and there are a list of comics who i think would be brilliant here and obviously both adam and i i think we all idolize the American scene, but there are some, like Kevin Bridges, I would love that man on that couch. Tommy Tiernan,

I would love that man on the couch. Just fucking love his stuff. And exactly what Adam said about the Irish crowds, I was at Laughter Lounge last weekend for my first weekend there, doing a 25 minute set. And the Friday was nice, but the Saturday was one of the best gigs I've had.

I would maybe put it up there ever. It was that much fun. With a set that is new to this year, stuff that, a couple of old bits, brand new bits, fucking amazing energy. No one chipping in. The one time someone heckled,

it was on point, and it was to do heckled it was on point and it was to do with what i was saying and it was funny you're like oh my god this is the dream um but yeah tommy i think tommy i love jason burn and dylan moore and monster is one of i think every comic loves that special but my god i think tommy ternan is my faves I'm quite club rusty at the minute like my hour when I've done it at work in progress shows which is to my

you know people who already like me is absolutely singing like I don't love it yet but it'll get there but in clubs I'm just an inch below

where I need to be like I dropped into Top Secret on Monday night and it was just good like it was good. But I come away going, there's gaps in this, and I need to be doing more clubs and less Adam Rohn friends,

because at Adam Rohn friends, it's big laughs and rounds of applause throughout. But Hot Water... That's the end game, though, isn't it? Yeah. The tour's the end game, so that's great. Yeah, but I don't want to show that doesn't that isn't great

to people who don't know me yeah I know Hot Water the weekend was good but there's just a couple of I also had a walkout did I tell you about that

no yeah someone got kicked out because he didn't like the Madeline McCamber and then someone followed him and was like yeah I don't like it either but there was 200 people

who were loving it like he went it's not funny i was like there's 200 people laughing and he went i i burst out laughing at this because it was such a stupid sentence for someone to say and then he got really angry that i was laughing at his complaint he went just because you've got a microphone doesn't mean what you're saying is nice honestly you could call the tour that. That would be a great name for a special. And I'm in love

with the Portuguese bird that fucking murdered her. And once we have a chat, I'm fucking banging her. People get mixed up with I don't find that funny to I am. That's not funny.

If 200 people are laughing, it's definitely funny. Here is the influence of uh mr adam rowe and what's happened here with this podcast i dumped that tour uh in november last year it went out as smasher on youtube in january started doing new material nights in february and i haven't done a one-man show and won't start till june 28th in northendon dan's previews.com and i've got 19 previews during the summer, but I haven't run out the hour.

I've just been getting stuff club ready. And it's, I think maybe what I would have done anyway, this is all a new life to me since Have A Word's kicked off, but I kept in mind that thing that you, your mantra of like, it's gotta be funny to people who don't know you. Cause I've had gigs recently i've got about 25 30 40 minutes that i'm but a core 25 that i did in dublin it was saturday night

the laughter now gar murren was comparing and he's fucking lightning he's brilliant and uh i was like you know you've got your stuff with one eye on the tour, but then you've got the, this is boiled down to the best bits to keep it punchy. And I, I've had moments recently going, if this works this well here,

wait till it's in front of lids. Yeah. It'll fall. That's what you want. You want it to be that way around rather than the way around. I've currently got it, which is doing my fucking nut in,

to be totally honest with you. Right. Wallace is barking. I think some, to be totally honest with you. Right, Wallace is barking. I think some food's been delivered. Love you. Get us Tommy Tannen. Come and see us in Dublin. Come and see us in Dublin.

6th of July. Oh, it's going to fucking bang. Wow. Oh. Wow. Wow. I just moved in next door to car. In that hiding bed of hell. Can you do an under...

Can you do an Australian accent? Like a slow, low one. I can kind of do like a sort of camp Australian, you know? I just really feel naturally... That feels female rather than camp. Do you know what I mean? No, no, I don't think so. I think this is just quite... I could be camp, I don't know.

What do you think, Daniel? That's significantly better than most Australian accents. I don't want to suck it up because we have the same name. I actually think it's pretty decent. Thanks. And it's not offensive. Okay. I've met people who talk like that with my moustache.

It's fun. Yeah. I've made friends just like it. The only Australian accents I can do is Thomas Green's. Fucking right. Fucking right. There you go. That's the one you were just talking about.

That's all we can say though. Fucking right. Fucking right. I'm buying these at my house. It's quite good, isn't it? Thomas Green's disabled now, by the way. What do you mean, no? I think it says a lot about both our cultures

that you start your Australian accent with fucking right and my English one's like, fucking what? It's the exact same. Very similar. Americans that hate it. But that's what Thomas Green says all the time. Fucking what? If you suggest anything to him.

Because Thomas, well, you know Thomas. Yeah, good. We're good mates and he's never agreed with me once, which is hurtful. But if you suggest any sort of activity, he's just excited about it. You can go, do you want to go to a World's Park?

He's like, fucking right. Do you want to go to your death, to the abattoir? He's like, fucking right. The abattoir? I'm a cow. You're a cow. Fucking right.

I know that is a strong moustache. Thank you. I'm appreciative of it. Were you attempting one at one stage? Because yours is all linked. I've never separated them, no. Have you thought about it? No.

Have you thought about breaking up the family? No. No? I had a mustache in lockdown one. In lockdown one? And then lockdown two you came to your senses? I've got lots of pictures of you. No, I only had it for about an hour and a half

because my girlfriend said she'd leave me if I left it. Well, mine's the reverse. My wife said she'd leave me if I left it. Well, mine's the reverse. My wife said she'd leave me if I shave it again. I must keep it on. Were you mustachioed pre-marriage? Yes. She met me with the moustache. Like she knew what she was signing up for 100%.

I was doing comedy with the moustache. Adam, that is not great. You look like that guy from Narcos. It's not ideal. You do look so Mexican. Pardon? Pablo Escobar. Yeah, that guy from Narcos like that guy from Narcos it's not ideal you do look so Mexican pardon? Pablo Escobar yeah that guy from Narcos

that guy from Narcos what's he called? the fucking documentary Pascal Pedro Pascal Pedro Pascal Pascal Chimondi if you just squint

I look just like Pascal Chimondi oh yeah it's the Tash he's got a wig and kit on as well I'm an all the time I heard a rumour a while back Yeah, it's the tash, isn't it? You can put a wig and kit on as well. Or a tarpon kit. I heard a rumour a while back

that women like moustaches because it tickles their clit when you're giving them oral sex. Really? And that's why I love, honey, you're bringing out the moustache. Yeah, I mean, I don't think lesbians are like chucking on merkins for the pleasure.

Lesbians have moustaches, that's a fact. Adam knows lesbians. Yeah, absolutely., I don't think lesbians are like chucking on Merkins for the pleasure. Loads of lesbians have moustaches. That's a fact. Adam knows lesbians. Yeah, absolutely. And facts, apparently. Yeah, yeah, yeah. On top of both. I mean, look, in fairness, I don't know if it stimulates anything, but definitely after going down on people,

sometimes you do have to kind of like wipe it. Yeah. Of course you do. You do? Of course you do. You've got a toothbrush and a moustache brush. I go and wash my face after I've had pussy. What?

Because I like it at the time, but when you wake up at three in the morning, you've got a face full of juices. It just doesn't... It stinks, doesn't it? It stinks. I woke up by the seaside. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh. Yeah. Is that seaside? Albatross's ass again? Poor Lord. Oh, I've not been... But like, vagina tastes nice when you're in the middle of it,

but you don't want it at three o'clock in the morning when you've walked away. Are you suggesting it repeats on you? It just, it sort of, you know, it goes off quite quickly, doesn't it? Like pears. Like, I like the taste of milk, but I don't want it in my beard at three o'clock in the morning

after I've been asleep for a few hours. What do you like staying in your beard? Is it just a clean the beard after everything? My Gillette beard wash. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. You have a beard wash? Gillette. You have a beard wash?

Every day? No, you wash it every three days, apparently. He's one of their biggest clients. Gillette. I mean, you know. What if you've got Fanta in your beard? That's not so bad, is it? That's just like a citrusy little afterglow.

Yeah, that's true. I've never met a woman who tastes like Fanta. For shame. I think that would be very disturbing if you went down on a lady and it tasted like Fanta because like what number diabetes does she have? You know, like fucking 15? That's too much Sunny D in it.

You should have stopped drinking that when everyone told you it was bad. I would never leave her though. Like she could do whatever she wanted to me. If I find a woman whose pussy tastes like orange juice, I'm in for life. Do you think Fanta tastes like orange juice? Like what is the level of health in this town?

I mean, it's orange flavor, isn't it? It's not a million miles away. I feel pretty... But you refer to feta as a juice well it is it's orange juice with bubbles in it that is not how they make it they didn't just fucking carbonate orange juice it says made with fruit on the can yeah I mean cans have never lied to anyone before

you can't be lying to people you can't be lying on cans are you being a snob there because I'm sure in Australia you have amazing oranges You can't be lying to people. You can't be lying on cans. Are you being a snob there? Because I'm sure in Australia you have amazing oranges. Is that what you're doing? Well, no, just like in Australia, if someone was to offer me juice and it said like made with oranges,

like somehow they've got like a boardroom seat due to like a family lineage, I wouldn't be like, well, this is healthy. Yeah, but you've got to understand that I've caught like cordial. You know what cordial is? Yeah, it's fake juice. Yeah yeah but like as a kid if i was like can i have some juice maybe would make me some cordial if my house you say you can have some juice you're getting a cordial yeah that's just that's like a school camp thing where it's like you want some orange juice and it's orange cordial but like watered down like a thousand times yeah yeah that's in your home no you've got to water it down you can't just have cordial straight from the bottle i'm not talking about snorting it like it's fucking the pure shit i'm just've got to water it down you can't just have cordial straight from the bottle I'm not talking about

snorting it like it's fucking the pure shit I'm just saying that they water it down too much there's a ratio yes

yeah but it's on you to create the ratio isn't it when you pour and by the way this is a new thing for my political manifesto double strength cordial

needs to get to fuck because I don't know how else to judge it and before you go just use half as much it doesn't fucking work double strength cordial it fucking doesn't

it is strong it's but sometimes it isn't I literally think the double strength one is just they fuck around one day and they're like

oh I'll just put this much in I don't know how to judge it every glass is a fucking mystery I waste half of it because I end up over pouring you pour it out with the water with the water still running

oh it's a joke because you've got muscle memory on pouring out the right amount of cordial you just can't adjust yeah because I had the pot over poured. Oh, you poured it out with the water? With the water still running? Oh, it's a joke. Because you've got muscle memory on pouring out the right amount of cordial and you just can't adjust. Yeah. It's ridiculous. And Robinsons should be facing a fucking Rico charge

for the conspiracy on this. Rico! Rico! That's a thing from films. I love sugaring at my kids. It's great fun. I do it on purpose. Really?

Just to see what happens. You love sugaring your kids? Love sugaring them fun. I do it on purpose. Really? Just to see what happens. You love sugaring your kids? Love sugaring them up. Just to keep kissing them, you know? Sugar me up. No, I don't. No, that's not as good. Even the earplugs won't block that out.

Sometimes I know it's too strong and I'm like, let's just see what happens. Right. You know when you're like, you know. Turn them up. It's like being on a night out with a mate and going hey you shouldn't have a shot

but I bought him one anyway let's just fucking see what happens yeah I was on the way to meet my cousin a couple of weeks ago I took her her and her fiance

and their daughter out for tea and on the way I stopped at the fun fair in Crosby and I bought the biggest sugary lollipop I could find

and gave it to her child as we were leaving the meal at 8 o'clock 8 o'clock? you fucking animal you can have this in the car because you've been so good at the meals it literally this fucking big and pink

and yellow and blue and just colours that don't naturally occur on the planet and I've done it on purpose as well because i'm a twat yeah you know when the kid's tongue's glowing in the dark yeah she's not sleeping for a while did you like follow up on the effect of the lullaby no what i like to do uh daniel is cause chaos and then just live with knowing it's happened do you know what i mean like when i've been around to like me uh my friends or my family you've got kids before

I love like fucking riling them up and then going right I've got to go see you later I just know that that kid's not going to sleep when they normally go to sleep

that's the job of the uncle fucking fun expendable income it's kind of the job of the British Empire when you think about it you turn up you're like man

these guys are fucking crazy we should go home we should leave and see how they get on I wonder if they'll get a second accent. I am the British Empire. I read it. Yeah.

I mean, I've had that, like, the grown-up version of that. I think everyone's done the grown-up version where you have too many of, like, a drug, and you're like, well, I fucked it. I actually don't do drugs apart from pot. Really? Yeah. Oh, man.

This was, like, the legal shit, but, like, I couldn't get any pills, so this lady was like, do you want any dexamphetamine? Like, dexies. Like, do you guys have those here kind of like uh adhd medication oh so it's like just very clean speed like essentially oh yeah and i didn't really know what it was at the time and i was like oh will these do the same thing and she's like yeah and i'm like how many should i take and she's like this is how many i take in a day and she gave me like six and i just had them at once you which is too many six which is too many yes like it was i didn't know what they were and she just gave me a dose

and i treated this person at a club at 2 a.m like a fucking doctor being like take these with food you know and then i took them all and then the club closed 45 minutes later and i had to go back to a hotel room i was sharing with my dad and just pretend like none of that had happened you were sharing don't be weird separate bits that doesn't make it much better though why are you sharing a hotel room with your dad because this was early on in my comedy career adam and that's how i made it work at the time i fostered a father-son relationship with you he came down to adelaide just to check it out all right some friends down there he's like let's share a hotel room and i was like perfect mate you're never above me and finish

sharing a room on thursday i don't know why i didn't get two rooms i was like you know we've really got to rein it in yeah so he's sharing a room with his dad yeah okay i can't say the resemblance but sure there is a father some there? Like, not that he's your dad. I wouldn't be that disrespectful. I speak to him a lot more than I speak to my dad. That's all right. That'll do, son. He is my Scofield a little bit.

He's a Scofield. Shut up, son. Just waiting for the day. Yeah. To kiss you. Six of anything, I'd suggest, is, you know, having done some raving back in the Ds, I don't think six is a good dose of anything.

You've got to do a one-all. Let's see how it's going. It's more than I'd had of anything before, but because it was medical, you know what I mean? It's like these came out of like a little pill bottle with a name on it. I was like, this is safe. Yeah, if you're used to doing heroin,

six pot of sea salt. Yeah, that's a good point. It is though. It was just like, I didn't know. And then it just kind of kicked in. And like the main effects that I had were just like, I didn't know. And then it just kind of kicked in. And like the main effects that I had were just like so short, focused attention, like just like seven seconds of pure focus before I couldn't focus on

anything ever again. So what I did was listen to seven seconds of different songs while texting every single person I knew in the Northern hemisphere being like, Hey man, what's up? It was like 51 people lying next to my dad. And then every 30 minutes i felt like i needed to shit because speeds are diuretic so i just go to the toilet just blow out nothing and then come back to bed and he's like are you okay and i'm like perfect how good's the six seconds of this song powerful a powerful energy that i regret it so much it's because you haven't got adhd no so it's giving you adhd yeah exactly and

it was and having it is more of an impediment than they make it seem you know is your dad uh sound enough that you know going on like the road with him is is a viable option i'm just throwing out mine absolutely not this was a financial decision alone and like he will i mean he won't listen to this he can't figure out podcasting but like he has no idea what happened that night i think he just assumes that i drank like a shit load of espresso martinis or something you know like there was some other explanation for just an absurd amount of energy from his child that would be really funny if that is actually what he thinks our daniel was up all night he had about 17 shits he must have had several espresso martinis daniel needs to lay off the fucking espresso martinis he's shitting like a racehorse intervention

yeah i uh at that point where you just have to ride it out is uh is just you can't do anything about it you're like oh i've i'm done here i just have to buckle in for some intrusive thoughts and some weird heartbeats for the next three hours yeah yeah it's then you just and then it's over the next day and you're like that's too many next time i'll take five yeah we've figured out a good system you've learned so did you say it gives you adhd like the way like a flu shot gives you apparently uppers if you've got adhd uppers like coke or amphetamine level you out and help with the issues of ADHD. So I suppose, I don't know, if you've not got ADHD and you're taking what is essentially ADHD medication, it just does the opposite. That sounds like Daniel had ADHD for a bit.

Haven't you had those mates who aren't actually diagnosed with ADHD, but they do heaps of cocaine and they do work on cocaine? They kind of level themselves out? Yeah. Yeah. Oh. You literally sit them on right there. Oh, God.

Oh, God. It's getting a bit accusatory now. Maybe all along you've been accusing me of having ADHD and it's been you. You have got it as well. No. Yes. Compared to him. You've both got it. It's different, isn't it? I don't think I've got it at all. You have got it as well. No. Yes. Compared to him. You've both got it.

It's different, isn't it? I don't think I've got it at all. I think I'm in trauma. You were taking cocaine to do like tax returns in the garden. I know, yeah, I was, yeah. That actually does sound pretty ADHD, to be fair.

When you're like, man, I've got to fill out this form. Yeah. Like, you know, Jesus. I can't tell you how much I like doing cocaine and just day-to-day chores. I really do.

Dan has told us that, because we're going to Tenerife on Sunday as a team, Dan has told us we've got to vigorously block him from the cook-a-cook men. Really? Vigorously block, not just block? Yeah. Kind of like a box-out NBA?

Yeah. Don't't let him near the rim like a defensive line clothesline well because you'll just get you won't be able to say no i just don't i just don't i don't know i don't know once that adhd kicks in in tenerife do you have some admin that you're planning on doing i'm taking over my tax return bit of like an electric eel once he's had a drink though he'll just fucking and then he's like where's dan gone once he's had a drink though he'll just fucking whoosh and then he's like where's Dan gone and he's like

here I am where are you I always see electric eels who doesn't want to go drinking with an electric eel but it's mad

because he just disappears and then he comes back and it's like are you sober and he's like yeah but what's actually happened is he's had

fucking 12 grams of fucking Mozambique mate yeah and applied for a mortgage and being rejected because of his age. You probably can't get one. I've never been a like doing chores on like drugs guy,

but I remember when we lived together in Edinburgh that year, like you guys already checked out. I was on heaps of cocaine, had to clean the flat, and fuck me, I took it more seriously than I ever have before. My vacuuming was on point, you know? Like every corner of the fucking room just oh so satisfying how does getting off your edit at edinburgh work because i never did that when i went up to the fringe i just didn't ever get involved with that i just couldn't do it oh it's like the only way

that i could kind of get through it to be honest this year i didn't do anything which was which was a which was a sea change but like yeah it's just i don't know just gives you energy when like you have no reason to have any um how long you've been doing stand-up daniel 10 10 years and how many fringes have you done i think about six i've done quite a few now commitment yeah from from like australia as well you know like only two while i lived here the rest is like the flyover kind of vibe yeah yeah how long did you live here? Two years. I got out like just before COVID and some would look at statistics and say I did quite well with that decision.

Yeah. And then you come back and live here? I don't know. Like it's always really nice when we come back. It's always like my wife's here with me at the moment. Like we really like enjoy it and like it's a lovely time, but I don't know.

She's still obsessed with eggs? Still obsessed with eggs. Yeah. This is a thing. Like no. Oh yeah. I'm also trying to get pregnant. She's still obsessed with eggs. Still obsessed with eggs. Yeah. This is, this is a thing like my, like no. Oh yeah. I'm also trying to get pregnant.

So it works both ways now, but like, yeah, really, really. She has like a bag of eggs and just eats them like crisps. Like let's not say like Chris, that makes it seem like some kind of psycho.

It's more, more like, more like an apple, you know, like she'll just take one on the road. Yeah, I want to split the hair on that one. It's like an apple. She takes one out for a train journey. She's just like, we'd be in the Edinburgh flat

and I'd be eating a packet of crisps. Dan would be there, coked off his head, smoking weed and getting on the meth and she'd just be having some eggs. Hard boiled. Yeah, but like... Yeah, not from the car. She'd boil them herself, take the shell off,

put them in a bag, and then whenever she fancied having a bit of egg, she'd take her egg bag out and eat some eggs. It was significantly more sus than that because it was like

wrapped in foil. Sorry, one second. So she'd like rip out like a foil package. I want to know what this Daniel's laughing at. I just love how that has really

seared into your memory from that fringe, isn't it? The bag of eggs. Yeah. It isn't normal, is it't it? The bag of eggs. Yeah. It isn't normal, is it? Someone has a bag of eggs now. Yeah, man. You know what I mean?

And you're reproducing with this woman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ironically, we're having some trouble with it. Who would have thought? She's fucking gets all her eggs on the outside, you know? But yeah, it's still like a thing. Like whenever she takes a travel egg, which is kind of like the term for it at this point,

when she's got a fucking roadie, I guess, we will often send Adam a photo of her eating it. Which could be kind of grooming him for some kind of weird kink, come to think of it. But yeah. I like it. But she's weird about it. She's got rules about it.

She'll do it. Dan's only ever eaten a tiny bit of one egg ever, and it was part of a food challenge for everyone. Oh, but I'm totally with the weird about it. She's got rules about it. Like, she'll do it. Dan's only ever eaten a tiny bit of one egg ever, and it was part of a food challenge, if I'm ever weird. Oh, but I'm totally with the weird food thing. Like, just so happens that eggs is the polar opposite of where I'm weird. Like, I can't be doing with them. But I get that, like, it sort of makes sense in a way,

in a weird way. What would you have a bag of? Chicken dippers? Oh, I'd have that. Wait, like, like a like a like cold no i just i've got i'm really specific and fussy so i i don't like i'm taking the piss but i sort of get it that you could be focused on one thing and be like this is my thing i like these no she's not like that she does eat loads she's got a varied diet it's just her version of having a

packet of crisps is whipping out a bag of eggs and i really don't think that you're giving this the lunacy of dessert she will just be sat on the couch and go oh i fancy an egg it's not like she goes oh i fancy some eggs i better go and cook some eggs and have some scrambled eggs on toast or something she just goes egg time and just pulls this bag of eggs out. Just whips her big bag out. Troy, that's quite a short shelf life on a bag of eggs. Yeah, well, I've never seen her carry them, like, overnight. I don't think there's overnight eggs like overnight oats.

But, like, yeah, she'll just whip it out of a bag. Like, she'll take it on the train, but she won't eat it on the train because she thinks that's rude. But she'll, like, eat it on the street. But if she doesn't have a bag, she wraps them in foil, Adam. Like a baked potato. Yeah. Which is worse, I think.

What's her name? Mary. Mary. All right, cool. A normal name for quite a strange lady. I feel like I'm giving her quite a bad rap. She's very lovely. No, she is.

She's great. But she eats eggs. She does. She gets them to go. Yeah. I don't think she cooked one in the flat. She just had the one she brought from London. Yeah.

Have you got any little foibles like that? Like, I don't think anything like that, no. Like, just the bizarre. Because the thing is, I'm allergic to eggs. Like, it is actually. Oh, no, no, no. She's trying to kill you. Yeah. Well, no, it just seems quite rude, you know know because i was with my whole life like it was when i was like 23 just kind of kicked in once like i had a protein bar and had a fucking allergic

reaction which probably says more about my build than anything else but like then she's just eating eggs and taking them with her on the road and eating them in front of me full eye contact and it's not ideal i like it are you sure you're a legend have you just told that because you don't like kissing after you had eggs no because that's the thing she'll go to kiss me after the egg and i'm like is this like a risk or is it just a bit gross you know like which way are we going she's trying to tell you something i think really yeah then i should die what are you allergic to eggs oh for the big bag of them every day just be careful you're having a nap, are you?

Night, night. Given it's been reframed in this way, like I don't really like it anymore. I might have to put my foot down about the eggs. Yeah, because it does sound devious and you have to be careful with people, you know what I mean? If I was a lady like cats, which I am,

and the person I was with just had a big bag of cats or like bought a cat despite knowing about your allergies. I mean, I think... I'm going to say a bag of cats is even worse than that. Do you know I'm allergic to cats? Well... This is going to piss you off. I'm just picturing a cat wrapped in foil

on the train to Edinburgh just kept and then you depart at Waverley, unwrap the cat and start hoeing in. Never eat a cat on a tray. That's rude. I'm allergic to peanuts. Oh, well, my favourite hobby is throwing peanuts

all over the place all the time. So I don't know how we're going to make this work, but I'm just going to have to live with it. How are we going to be together? It's a weird sexual kick, but I'm going to put a Snickers up my pussy

and see what happens. You're like, oh. You've got to be really allergic to peanuts. By the way, I want to meet that woman. You've got to be really... The one with the way I want to meet that woman you've got to be really the Snickers and the pussy you're joking why

eating pussy is one of my favourite things to do but if I could have a snack while I was down there fuck me Snickers ice cream Snickers ice cream

no we're talking in a coochie oh that beard's not getting washed coochie coo mate get it oh yeah Adam you've not washed

your beard in three weeks we're not after Snickers pum pum aww my new miss Adam, you've not washed your beard in three weeks. Well, not after Snickers, pum pum. My new miss is into the waffle kind. You know how it is. Oh, boy. How long have you been wearing the tracksuit? Because it is now legendary, isn't it?

Yeah, I mean, now, like, I mean, I bought my first one here. That's why I felt today, like, I didn't even wear the custom one. I wore, like, the proper Adidas one. Because after, we did a podcast at your house, like my shitty podcast back in like 2018, I brought you blueberries as like a thank you for doing the podcast. And I think you might have seen them for the first time. That's the muffin? I was like, it's breakfast.

Here's some blueberries if you want to and he was like I made you breakfast too it was just bacon on a bun with butter and I was like these are the two opposite breakfasts but ironically

they all start with B you did just describe a bacon sandwich in the most mental way I've ever heard anyone describe it but we don't do that because that is quite a normal breakfast we don't do that in Australia

you don't just have a bacon sandwich you don't that's you guys you guys are just like bacon and butter on the widest bread you've Why would you not do that? That's you guys. You guys are just like bacon and butter on the widest bread you've ever seen in your life is fine. That's you guys because

you're allergic to fibre. What? Or sausages. Sausages are fine. A sausage sandwich is fine. They're significantly different things. I wouldn't have gammon on bread. What's gammon on bread? Thick bacon. Oh, that's fine. Oh no, that's not great either. That's like a ham sandwich. What's wrong with bacon butties?

Well, no, we just add extra ingredients because we're allowed to. You guys like to keep things simple. Like an egg. Yeah, bacon and egg, which I can't have. So I ironically have to eat some bacon sandwiches. And people look at me funny while I do it. I feel like I'm back into a corner.

Have a bacon and egg sandwich, please, love. Hold the egg. No, I don't want a bacon butty because I'm Australian, so I don't do that shit. But bacon and egg, no egg, please. I'm i'm just saying like the first time i kind of had like a bacon butter bread sandwich was like here like i'd never in australia was offered that ever like it's like in america like they don't do like the kind of hot breakfast thing like i you know in america it's a legit egg i was like can i get the sausage bacon and egg like breakfast but hold

the egg and they were like sure then what they brought out was two sandwiches with sausage and bacon in them with toothpicks holding it together like they'd assembled it like a fucking ikea flat pack and i was like i was happy with this on a plate you know yeah they the pancake move in america is is a lot in it but but've never, I like bacon and I like pancakes. I'm just, that's a next level fat move, innit? To be like, these are both great. So bacon on top of the pancakes. And they sometimes put syrup on the bacon.

That's Canadian more than I know, innit? Is it? Chocolate. Maple syrup, mixing dessert with bread. I think most- Oh, you wanna put some syrup on your bacon, eh? That's Canadian. Isn't that voice of it? Oh, you want to put bacon on your syrup.

I'm Canadian, eh? Which part of Canada are you from? Sri Lanka, mainly. Mainly? Mainly from Sri Lanka, but, you know. I've dabbled. Having dessert for breakfast is American, though. You are right.

Yeah. The bacon on pancakes. I had steak, eggs, and chips for breakfast in New York. That was the special breakfast of the day. They were like, yeah, there's the menu, but our special breakfast of the day is the steak, egg, and chips. And I was like, I'll have that, please. My understanding of New York is you can get everything

at all times of the day. Not exactly, but you're not a million miles away. Yeah. Me and Jack went for some good breakfast. What was that place called? Golden Diner. Golden Diner. Oh.

Because my memory of the Denny's menu is that it's basically every conceivable food on a menu. We got a breakfast bun each and a side of Korean spiced chicken wings for breakfast. You were swimming for a sleep after that? No, we went and looked at the jewellery stores.

What, you catered them? The jewellery stores? That was a weird way of saying it. The fuck did you two do in New York? Yeah, chicken off the bone for breakfast, then went and looked for diamond rings, because I love this concert. But he said, he said, looking at the jewellery stores. Well, Jack went

and had a look at a couple of bits of jewellery, and we just had a little pot around the jewellery store. You went shopping? No, not really. We just had a look at the jewellery stores. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, the way I said it was like, I don't want to say deliberate, but it was correct. We did just go and have a look we didn't go into most of them

we just had a look at the jewellery stores is there anything more New York than Spice Korean Chicken for breakfast and then Tiffany's with your best mate no no the little shady Chinese jewellery stores uncut gems yeah those gaffes

in fact the one that uncut gems is based on Jack went in and negotiated with the woman for some jewels fingers I just

for me how do you finish that day you know like you've done breakfast with the chicken wings you've done jewellery before lunch

and then you've got to have two more meals and afternoon and evening activity just go to bed start again what did we do after that I think that might have been

a chess competition someone else's wake I mean you've just got to and afternoon and evening activity. Just go to bed. Start again. What did we do after that? I think that might have been bad. A chess competition. Yeah. Someone else's wake. I mean, you've just got to really fucking mix it. It sounds like someone who's got one day left to live and failed to plan. Whatever you do, don't end up at your own wake

because you'd be dead. And that's not a good end to any day. Someone else's wake. Here's a little tip with wakes. You want to be at someone else's. That's a fact. I'm standby. Oh, your fresh orange just nearly came out of your nose there.

Fuck off. Yeah. I just, I'm a simple cornflake man in the morning. I just, I'm happy with that. I don't need meat off the bone in the morning. Is that your nickname? Simple cornflake man. I'm a simple that. I don't need meat off the bone in the morning. Is that your nickname? Simple Corn Flake Man. I'm a Simple Corn Flake Man.

I come from far away and I can play. I'm a Simple Corn Flake Man. Such a good way to start the day, isn't it? Simple Corn Flakes? Yeah. Bacon butties are the best way to start your day. A lot of protein, few carbs, energy for the day. And they're not as many calories

as people think. Yeah. Two slices of bacon is 100 calories. Yeah. What's it on though? Big bap. What?

Big buttery bap. Well, no. So you have four slices of bacon, so there's 200 calories. You have two slices of bread, they're about 120 each. So it's 450. 50 calories worth of butter or marge.

500 calories. I've or marge, 500 calories. I've never heard someone who counts calories and also eats bacon buddies for breakfast. That is just very conflicting ideologies. I have to count them because I eat bacon buddies for breakfast. What's an Aussie breakfast? Much healthier, fresh, everything. I mean, yeah.

Vian blueberries, vian all the fruit, mate. Fucking right. I'm so excited to the fruit, mate. Fucking right. Why are you so excited to say it? Sunscreen. I mean, yeah, like, honestly, yeah, a bit of granola, some yogurt and some fucking fruit. Fucking granola. I don't even know what it is, mate, but it fucking sounds good, doesn't it?

Yeah. We just like to get to the true origin of juice, you know? Like, we don't want to see, like, atoms at one end of the tunnel, where are the other? Being like, fuck, look, it's spherical. Oh, my God, it's spherical oh my god it's got skin how bizarre is this it's not carbonated that's weird i thought if you bit into an orange there'd be a bit of kick you know where's the bubbles that's why they got the skin

on to keep the gas in but yeah i mean that's that's a typical australian break like here i mean i don't know i don't want to do the like fucking british food thing but like yeah it is it is just a completely different like i was like blueberries i'm like this is a nice thing and adam's like what are they doing you can take them with you when you leave and but they're quite dry aren't they blueberries but dry yeah i mean they're filled with juice they look dusty though they look dusty yeah there's no one i mean they do blueberries do look dusty but they're not dusty. Yeah. There's no one. Blueberries do look dusty. But they're not inside, mate. Just the fact

you guys are talking about how they look implies that you've never had one. They look dusty. They're too fucking round. Don't trust them. Strawberries look juicy.

You know what I mean? Raspberries. They're showing off. Raspberries are the best berries. Raspberries are heavy. Raspberries are hairy though. They are a bit hairy. I don't mind a hairy woman.

That's why I don't mind a hairy person. Blueberries work with other fruits in a little, you know. Often I'll combine them with raspberries. Now I'm like, I feel like I'm just giving such a bizarre energy. It's like, yeah, I took six Dexys at the same time, but a good breakfast is important to me. I mean, I don't want to be weird, but I have done that. I've literally been, like, about to take drugs,

which are knowingly harsh on the stomach, and had some yogurt just to begin. Bounce out. Yeah, just like... Javi yogurt's hot, ever. Hot? Hot yogurt, yeah. What is hot yogurt?

It's not what you want to know about. What? We just talked about it in the first section, Daniel. Okay. He's basically going, have you ever had cum? How attractive would a woman have to be to go to... This is pre-Mary. Okay. He's basically going, have you ever like come? How attractive would a woman have to be for you to go to? This is pre-Mary. Sure.

To go. Pre-Mary's all sex. It's amazing the respect that you give puns in this country. Like everywhere else in the world, they're like, those are shit. But in the UK it's like, fuck, what a brilliant language we've devised.

You know, it's so strange. The thing is though, you didn't think of that joke, did you, so. Why should you get any credit? England won Australian mill. Like the ashes all over again. Oh! Oh!

Fuck Ricky Poppin. Whoever that is. That is a dated reference, but I read it. Thank you. Thank you for knowing about our culture. No one else heard it. I like grapes, me. Do you want to do it again?

Say it again. Say fuck the Australian fella again. Fuck Ricky Potten. That is. Love is holiday parks, though. Pontings. I don't know. I say Steve McManaman goes. Pontings? I don't know. I don't get it.

Pontings? Yeah. I don't get it. I lived here for two years and never been more confused. Oh, it's happening. We're in a very silly mood. Sometimes, Daniel,

like you can tell, I haven't done this podcast so many times, you can tell we're like a very silly mood sometimes Daniel like you can tell I haven't done this podcast so many times you can tell we're like looking for the guest to bring the energy today it's not the case we have been in a silly mood all fucking week I like grapes just saying just to go back to the fruit thing

I like a crunchy red grape yeah the red grape red grape underrated oh you know do you know that game that we play

what you know we play underrated overrated on this podcast it's coming up in the next section coming up in the next section do a few now

do a few now and I think the red grape is underrated I think the red grape is underrated because you had like one with seeds one time and you were like

can't be arsed with that. So you're fucking on the green forever. That's fucking, we've moved there, haven't we? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Unseeded. Yeah, you don't have seeded grapes no more, do you? Animals. Yeah, the candy floss ones.

Yeah, candy floss grapes are good. Candy floss grapes? Yeah. What? They're like GMO grapes. They taste like candy floss. Why did you have to do that to the poor grape? There weren't enough fucking varieties for you.

Did you have to tell that to the health board of Australia? It's freaking him out. Candy floss grapes. Yeah. It tastes like candy floss. So they've been modified to taste like candy floss rather than grapes because people like candy floss and you don't like grapes. Do they have any of the health benefits of a grape?

Yeah. It's still a grape. It's still a grape. It's still a grape? Yeah. Are we doing that thing? Like, what benefits of a grape? Yeah, it's still a grape. It's still a grape? Are we doing that thing? Like, what is a woman? Just like, it's still a grape? It's still inherently a grape? It identifies as a grape. It's like someone inventing

crack cocaine that does all the good stuff of yackles. Right. When are we going to make these advances? Come on. We've got seedless grapes, we just need cocaine, yackles, and then salt. Like someone who's obsessed with gut health but needs to stay up for fucking ages, you know?

Just like, my stomach's turning, but I need to sell this VCR. Fuck, if only there was a product that saved me the time of having to do both. Whack is an underrated overrated. See how Daniel Muggleton responds. I think he's going to go strong one way or the other. This is from Cam Stevenson, and he just says Jenga.

Just Jenga. Just Jenga in general. I like it. I think it's overrated. Apart from the giant one that does seem fun. Have you seen the one like... Yeah, the massive one. They have it in like youth hostels, where it's just like, hey, how hard is eye contact? Try Jenga.

You know, give it a bash. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll make a new friend. In the pool. I feel like that's like a test in the youth hostel. It's like, how are they at Jenga? How dexterous? Am I going to let them finger me on a bunk bed?

You know? Order. How are you saying hostel? Hostel. Okay. It's a Spanish version, isn't it? The youth hostel. It's French.

I staying at the hostel. Hostel. I think that's just you saying. It's French. I'm staying at the hostel. I think that's just you saying it in an accent. And the French person's very upset about that. I'm staying at the hostel because the hotels are too expensive because there is a sporting event nearby. And which part of Portugal are you from? How you say?

My hostel. Jenga. I love Jenga. Really? really yeah would you have one in the studio you know we're trying to get an american pool table i would never play jenga right there you go i think we've got our answer daniel definitely definitely overrated like because bars have it like like you go to like a pub and they'll be like jenga in the corner like if you want to play jenga and it's just like who's doing that yeah you can't play jenga in the corner. Like if you want to play Jenga and it's just like, who's doing that here? You can't play Jenga in the boozer. Yeah. At Christmas as well. Let's get Jenga out

but with Graham. I'm not good at this game. You know it's good when there's Jenga in the boozer. Arctic monkeys. Jenga in the boozer. Next one. Next one.

Next one. This is from Daryl Tate. Sit down wheeze for a man. We've discussed this many a time. It's as good as life gets. I wanted to get Daniel's opinion on this. Okay. I would say, like, I think it's a tricky one because what's the position on sit down wheeze?

I think Germans are into it. Okay. It's so weird that four dudes agree so much this podcast is very strange i've never seen unity like this outside of just me oh okay this is like the axis over here like i mean in my head sit down ways are not what you do so i would say they're underrated because i do think they're acceptable but i personally don't want to go for a sit-down way. Why? Because it's a public restroom a lot of the time. I'm on the road. Oh, I agree with that.

There's no sit-down ways in public. No. Oh, no, no, no. Unless you're very drunk. Oh, it's my toilet for the old sit-down. But like at home. Oh, yeah. It's as good as life, Gats.

Why? What's the benefit? We've got heated toilets. It's 39 degrees well i mean in australia that's kind of what they come in a regulation like you know that's just a general but i was a japanese you got japanese heated toilet seats yeah i got them for christmas not even joking for the man who has everything um that was literally why i bought it oh it's impossible to buy for japanese toilets i just we need that sponsor because we

fucking mention it enough i just don't want because like all right i think the reason i really don't want to sit down and pee is because like i don't want to shit every time and i think with the sit down pee you're always inviting that sometimes i've just got stuff to do you know i want to get on with my day keep myself clenched go out you can go the poo out by sitting down I agree you can next one plus in Australia like an alligator

can climb up your ass yeah yeah that's why they don't sit down but don't fuck with weird boobies I go for the sit down wee now John you don't want to be doing that you heard about Keith

fucking in the hospital and he fucking alligator climbed up his ass can't get it out sorry the problem is the alligator climbed into his ass can't get it out sorry the problem is the alligator climbed into his ass yeah it's a baby alligator oh pervy baby alligator he hasn't heard about it didn't make the news it's happening all the time three week on our street

no one takes me i mean just the irony that you guys go on alligator the whole way through this very fun Australian stereotype but it's crocodile oh potato potato mate spider then a wallaby a wallaby clapped on my ass

that'd just be ironic because they've got the pouch you know it's just like surely it should be going the other way oh yeah right this one's from

James Lang Coldplay I think it became cool to think they were shit and they're not hardy got some bangers because everyone still goes to see the etty had lit up last week yeah i think they're underrated they really do apart from that one that beyonce sang on i'm not not by the recent stuff beyonce overrated yes no queen b overrated yes ruined by her fans i think i bought these two booze delicious for you babe let me ask what it is are you is that because they ruined you going to see beyonce they were all just singing around you no we're fans you should shut up right so you saw beyonce

recently no no he won't go because of the fans okay Okay. There's just some groups of fans. Taylor Swift's got a similar group of fans. Swifties? Yeah, Chelsea, West Ham, Beyonce. They're all awful. I thought you were a Chelsea fan. Taylor! Taylor! Holy thing-a-lay!

Holy thing-a-lay! Holy thing-a-lay! I just think Beyonce is overrated. Look at the same hours of the day as Beyonce. Beyonce's got a gardener like someone who cleans her fridge. She's got all the hours. And that's all I told you back. It's those two things.

It takes ages to clean the fridge. Is that why you hate Beyonce? Because people use her as an example of someone who's... It's one of the things, yeah. You got the same hours in the day as Beyonce? No, you haven't. I'm sick of hearing that. People just keep saying it to me.

It's quite a common phrase. Is it? Yeah. You haven't got the same hours because she's got all the free hours. She's got people doing everything for her. If people start using a different famous person for that phrase,

what do you get on the Beyonce hype train? Same hours as Jim Davidson. He's got a lot of free time, hasn't he? I just think she's overrated. What was the one with the Coldplay underrated? I think Coldplay are overrated. People hate them personally. Overrated still

like they were just like the hated band like kind of on a Nickelback level yeah but then how could they not be underrated they're still like

the third biggest band in the world they're probably the biggest band in the world yeah but you two are massive and they're shite now yeah you can have eras

original Coldplay was decent a lot the majority of big bands people are there for the old stuff, aren't they? The majority. Yeah.

Parachutes and A Rush of Blood to the Dick were, those two albums were great, I thought. Is that you two?

No, that's the two first Coldplay albums. Yeah. Coldplay were great. I'd love to see them live because it looks spectacular. Yeah,

but who wants to go to a party fucking surrounded by your dad's mates? Coldplay have got old, boring sides. You don't know how many dad party to fucking surrounded by your dad's mates? Coldplay have got old, boring sides. And you don't know who your dad was? Surrounded by his dad's mates? And that's where my dad's from. Have you seen my dad?

How do I know it's his mates? That would ruin Coldplay for me. Are you Carl's dad? Are you Carl's dad? Yes, I am. Maraca time. It's like you're trying to piss off every nationality in one episode

my father is Spanish by the way Daniel if you didn't realise but he's also a strange I don't know who he is okay but he is Spanish though he is Spanish yeah is that not weird to not know who it is but the nationality fucking bang or is that just your mum being like pretty sure it's Spanish

I think if I knew like he was a motorcyclist that'd be weird but didn't know where he was from dad's a motorcyclist i'm gonna tell you where he's from now he's a spanish man that's all i know that's all you know that's all i need to know you can get fucked if you're listening fuck off okay underage overrated calls dad overrated one more one more this is from Duncan Sharp

cheap crisps Duncan Sharp he played for Everton at some point I'm sure I'm sure cheap crisps like Space

Invaders chipsticks and frazzles absolutely underrated frazzles are overrated it tastes like a paedophile Daniel what's the

go-to Aussie crisps? The cheaper ones. They're like classics. Probably Thins, which is just basically like a regular crisp, but thinner. That's their marketing strategy. How's that thinner than a crisp? Exactly.

They're fucking thin. Hence they're called Thins. It's all in a name. They're just like an extra thin chip i agree yeah they're very light yeah just like think about paper like you know there's like regular paper that very thin paper so what gsm are your crisps i reckon i'm so glad you guys use a unit of measurement that we also use that's very nice having fucking driven here for 56 miles i was like for the love of god i want to say gsm but i'm not i'm not going to take that fucking risk um i reckon these chips

are probably about a 30 gsm oh these are these are these are thin but the idea is the the potato is thinner so there's more flavor per potato yeah you know what i mean there's less potato more oil correct they're nasty yeah oh yeah and like you get them in like, it's very hard to find them in like a bag that is like a multi-pack, but they have one flavor that they only have called light and tangy. Ooh. And that is quite a reputable crisp.

What's the average snack time for an Aussie? What do you mean? Like what time of day? No, like I say, you're watching a film, you go in the shop, what are you getting? What's an Aussie snack? I mean, I reckon the crisps are there. You love shrimps, don't you?

Just everything is natural in Australia. Seafood, you know, you go down, you go to watch a film. You get some blackberries, you know, maybe a little lychee, cut that open. Why not? Have a good time. Dragon fruit, if it's an Asian film, you know, get stuck in. What are Fijolas? What are Fijolas? Oh, if it's an Asian film, you know, get stuck in.

Fee Joers. What are Fee Joers? Oh, they're Kiwi then. They're from New Zealand. We got Kiwi Fruit. We got that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good. That's good.

They're famous for that. But yeah, I mean like crisps, like, you know, probably some Maltesers. That's a good vibe. But like the cinema itself, do you guys do like choc tops here? Is that a vibe? What's that? That's just like an ice cream for a movie. Choc top? A choc top. Is it um hard chocolate on top of an ice cream correct yeah i've had it

it's the dairy milk ones i've had it in an airport and it was lovely yeah that's it yeah that's a pretty common uh australia cinema snack you get the choc top some of them have different flavors of choc top it's controversial but i'd rather take my own shit to the cinema and smuggle it in. Do you have to smuggle? I've never known if you have to smuggle. You just have to answer. You just have to

say for your own shit. I'd rather get the pick and mix. Keep your popcorn, love. I've got my own shit. Is that your own shit? Oh, I said shit. I think everyone does smuggle,

but I don't think you need to. I'm the same, right? I'm like, surely they're not being like, what are they? You don't need to smuggle your own shit. If you've got your own shit, no one's stopping you. Keep it up your ass. You pass airport security if you don't shit.

You don't need your passport. You don't need your passport. No, but I've got a big bowl of my own shit. So, do you want to tell me I'm not coming in? I don't think you're boarding the plane. Putting it out there. You don't have to smuggle,

but you can't walk in with like an Asda bag full of fucking ice blasts. No, you can just put it in your pocket. Pour up your ass with your shit. I don't know,

I think it's, oh, it's horrible. The nachos and cheese are fucking manky the popcorn's ridiculously expensive you can get nachos at the cinema here

yeah hot dogs as well meat ooh roll over I don't know about that nachos in a cinema surely that cheese

has never been near a cow you know it's kind of dangerous oh no it's the squirty one no it's nasty people do that

isn't there like an odor associated with like a nachos in a cinema i feel like someone the row in front and you some jalapenos on it as well they've chucked jalapenos on yeah jesus christ and that's just in a cinema jalapenos they do it a salsa the guacamole and that's 24 quid for a small porsche yeah it's the most expensive bullshit you've ever seen wow I just yeah hot food in the cinema

seems like you know eating an egg on a train unacceptable I think they've actually got so much chemicals in that cheese that it's meant to not smell

it's good cheese it's imported oh it's horrible imported oh wow from possibly Mexico hey my boy we own shit here any more questions From possibly Mexico.

Hey, Macho Bob. We own shit here. Any more questions, Finn? Can we have a break? We'll have a break and we'll come back with some more questions. Don't you get involved in content. Finn! I like grapes.

Just circle back, everyone. Grapes. Grapes are great. Just saying. What about grapes near an open body of water? Am I in the water yeah

by the way more deaths this week from grapes wait what people choking in the Bahamas jumped off a cruise ship and got hit by a shark

oh is that like the dare guy yeah yeah how insecure are you when your mate's like you fucking wouldn't do it you're like fine

you got hit by sharks in the night in the sea for the day? Uh, he wins. I'd have jumped in there. I know about sharks, just punch them out of fucking here. Not to be like an Australian, like I've got a shark story, but I do have a shark story.

Have you? Yeah, fucking shocker, right? No, it was like, it was a stag do. It was like my mate's stag do, like a friend of a friend kind of deal. And what they to the groom because like you know you've got to punish them whatever they were like all right so they got him a sack they covered the sack with meat they put him in the sack and pushed him into sydney harbor and he had to swim to a ladder to get out what the fuck yeah attempted murder well he was a deviash he lived so it was a garbage attempt i guess but yeah that was that was like the thing wow australian stag dudes do not fuck around no

was there any worry we just make people dress as women over there or where she put the wig on in a skirt john yeah no stag i i mean, apparently the guy was like, obviously slightly upset, but fine with it. But I just feel like that really does show how good at swimming most Australian people are. You know? Because like, I don't think it was a questionnaire being like, hey, can you just do a couple of laps to make sure you're good?

And then... I think if I was covered in meat, I'd break some PBs. Yeah. I think that if I was in Sydney Harbour and I was covered in meat, I might swim as fast as I've ever swum. You'd love to be if I was in Sydney Harbour and I was covered in meat, I might swim as fast as I've ever swam. You'd love to be covered in meat in Sydney Harbour.

Would I? But yeah, more deaths. Oh, sorry. Hang on, hang on. Not a bit of jumping off cruise ships. Now a PSA for the eighth time this summer from Carl. Just saying. How many teenagers have to die before you listen to me?

Loads of Scouse teenagers are jumping into the sea in the Bahamas. Carl has a fear of open bodies of water. They're getting eaten by sharks. And he warns people every year in the summer. So many Scouse teenagers are out there off the coast of Jamaica, the Dominican Republic, getting eaten by sharks. And Carl is saving lives. People die every year, Daniel, in this country.

Jumping into reservoirs or lakes because it's warm and they can't swim and it's cold. And the sharks. And the choking on a grape. Sharks in the reservoirs? Yeah. No, it's cold water sharks. They're like, oh, it's warm.

It's dozens of people a year die. Kids. Is this like a big... I've never seen it covered in any of the major publications. Exactly. It's a cover-up. It's because big quarry are covering up big water you've got to watch out for them but it's serious carl no it's serious

and type in drowning you'll see loads wait the internet has some results on drowning no twitter like local news oh okay but like local drowning can you not swim is that like kind of swim but you're very afraid of open bodies of water? Yeah, because they're scary. You like a nice closed body? Yeah. Like a swimming pool's okay? A bath.

A bath, okay. That's quite close. He doesn't even trust them, honestly. We've gone to Tenerife. On Sunday we've had to ask for an extra large sink for him in his room. Yeah, yeah. So we can just have a little park. Suspicious of puddles.

It's horrific. Right. Just saying. Stop dying. Stop jumping into water. But grapes are good. And. Just saying. Stop dying. Stop jumping into water. But grapes are good. And grapes are good. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've never understood the jumping into water. Keep going. Go. No, I've never understood the jumping into water if you don't know how to swim. Like, do you think you're just going to nail it first time? No, the fellow who jumped in and got hit by the shark, he didn't get eaten by the shark because he was unable to swim.

Enable? Enable. Have you seen the video? He jumps in in the dark and then they throw a life preserver out for him to just get straight back in. But a shark surfaces next to him. So he swims off shitting himself

because he's swimming off and the cruiser's going that way. He's just gone forever. And then the people from the bahamas were like oh they're super infested by sharks he's definitely been eaten by a shark in the night he's on his own in the sea in the night with sharks everywhere like he's definitely been eaten by a shark have they found anything or is this one of those never gonna know he was tasty stupid stupid cunt yeah so once again please don't jump off yachts

in the Bahamas lads there's loads of lads from Chewbrook and Dovey that need to hear this message if you're out on a fucking yacht this summer just be careful what do yous all think about the Bermuda Triangle? it's actually going quiet have you noticed that? I'd rather eat my own shit

it's quicksand and the Bermuda Triangle were the two biggest killers. I've got a fact for you, by the way. Go on. And you haven't. This is going to blow your head off specifically.

I'm not going to believe you. Go on. Every eel on the planet is born in the Bermuda Triangle. What are you fucking talking about? Every single eel on the planet was born in the Bermuda Triangle. What happens if you've got one in an aquarium?

What? What happens if you've got one in an aquarium? They haven't been born in an aquarium? No, the next one after that? There has never been an eel not born in a Bermuda Triangle. Come on. Put the telly on and get it up, Finn. Every eel. next one after that? There has never been an eel not born in a Bermuda Triangle. Put the telly on and get it up, Finn.

Every eel on the planet was born in a Bermuda Triangle. There is no way this is true. I heard that they couldn't pinpoint where they were born. The Bermuda Triangle? All of them. That's insane. I'll give you maybe like a Genghis Khan thing.

Oh, yeah. Like the original eel was in the Bermuda Triangle. I'm trying. Everyone's cousin or uncle, whatever, is Genghis Khan. Where is the Bermuda Triangle? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. That's all I got.

Like they got a common ancestor Bermuda Triangle. It's in Bermuda. But you're out of your fucking mind. All American and European eels are born in the Sagoso Sea inside the Bermuda Triangle. So all American and European ones? What about the African ones? I don't know.

What about the Asian ones? What about the Australian fucking ales, Kent? What about the Oceania ales? Where is Bermuda? Is that not in South America? It's just off the coast of Florida in the Atlantic, isn't it? Bermuda Triangle's mad though.

Planes have gone fucking AWOL. Yeah, because they've been eaten by eels. Shagging. No, it doesn't get spoke about no more. Neither does quicksand. When you were little, that's all that was spoken about. And it's in the water, innit?

So be careful of the Bermuda Triangle this summer because there's loads of eels there and they're horrible cunts. And quicksand. That is an unbelievable fact. It's unbelievable because it's not much of a fact. It's just them eels were born there. They're mad.

They're eels! All of the eels from two continents. Is there African eels? Asian eels? There's got to be an Asian eel. That's all you eat. So those ones are born somewhere else. But apart from those ones, It's not an Asian eel. It's all yeet. So those ones are born somewhere else.

But apart from those ones, and anyone's not a bit... The rest are born in the Bermuda Triangle. All the eels at the Blue Palace Aquarium in Chester were born in the Bermuda Triangle. There we go. We're getting down to it now. Isn't that fucking mad? Have they never bred eels

is that not fucking is that not a bit fucking good that I had that fact just ready to go when eels come up you're joking aren't you you're joking aren't you

I had that in my head ready I had a fact that was half true about the eels and I'm getting no credit for it this podcast

is shit mate what about their African eel? I don't care about them. Oh, racist. Fuck African eels, yeah? Long thin cunts. That's not an eel.

It is, but it's not an eel. Where's the conga eel from? The what? Conga eel. I want to know. I'm not Googling a conga eel. Conga. What? A conga eel Conga What?

Conga eel Yeah Oh ER Yes Where's that from? Looks like Les Bathesby It's part of the Coronation strategy

Here we go Facts The heaviest eel Mediterranean Sea There you go The heaviest eel in the world I only know heavy eels. Wait, but like it's native to the North at least Atlantic

and the Mediterranean, neither of which are in the Bermuda Triangle. But it's got cousins in the Bermuda Triangle. How mad is that? That eel has got mates who are from the Bermuda Triangle who are now living near Chester. That's the point. Can we have a break?

Grapes. Eels. Water. near Chester can we have a break grapes eels water the final the final shut up Matthew the final section

of today's podcast is sponsored by sneak are you a sneaky little bitch that would have opened do you love sneaking around

do you feel tired because you've got small kids and they're knackering sneak wow wow you know Do you love sneaking around? Do you feel tired because you've got small kids and they're knackering? Sneak. Wow. Wow.

You know, you're a better person when you've had your sneak. What? Sneak. Sneak. What is your favorite flavor, Christopher? Mine is yuzu. Mandarin. Sneak. All right. And Daniel's on tour daniel muggleton is on tour and there are dates still in bristol cardiff and brighton that's that's true and where can we get

your tickets i'm from daniel muggleton.com.au because i let dot com lapse and some cunt took it oh that sneaky muggle bastard it's's, look, you know, it's Australian history repeating, you know, you think you have something and then someone else turns up. And it feels a little like this history repeating. You know that song? Remember that?

Have you been possessed? Finjaman. Let's do some advice. Yes. Press the button then. Have the jingle. Oh,'s do some advice yes press the button then have the jingle oh you want some advice do you yeah

I'm gonna do some in-house production Jodie's reading it turning off because it sounds stupid on the clips of music at the start thank you

cut that cut that yeah I'll give you the clean cut Dan take that off. Dan, he just has to take it off. I've been wanting to tell him for weeks. Dan.

Thank you. Finn. You can shut up. Can we do some advice? No. No. Save this clip. I'll give you the clean cut.

You ready? Ready. Finn, can we have some advice, please? Shut up, Dan. Grapes. This is from Anonymous. He's made you look like a bitch there, you know? Yeah.

Pussy-ass bitch. It's just a little bit of history repeating. My girlfriend's sister has started messaging me recently and flirting. She actually made a move this morning and sent me a few pics. What should I do? Tell my girl and ruin their relationship or just tell her sister no and keep it secret there's a third option shag it this is the dream how old is she though he did say little sister yeah he didn't

i mean wow she's one of the older sisters Carl just enhanced the fantasy I mean they did say she was fucking filthy at 15 I mean that's what I heard

erm yeah I mean you've got to just say no you can't be doing this we're together or you know if you think you're going to be with

your girlfriend forever if you love her and you want to maintain the integrity of that relationship you've got to go to the with your girlfriend forever, if you love her and you want to maintain the integrity of that relationship, you've got to go to the little sister and be like, look, we can't be doing this. Finish your GCCs.

But if you think there's a 10% chance you won't make the distance, fuck her. I mean, if you want the relationship with Lassie, I think you've got to go with all the information to the tribunal of your missus no are you sitting on it cause a murder why are you breaking the family up right well what i don't know i feel like go to this young girl and go put your gel pens down hey stop stop skipping rope i need to talk to you you're out of order you can't send me these pictures where's that

emily she's in the garden skipping rope daniel thoughts i mean like is it actually the younger sister or is that just it's just sister okay that was just your predatory ear okay sure fun fun joy um i'm i i don't know if you can take it to it i know that dan's trying to be honest and you're in a relationship and i'm in a relationship and honestly support and everything but like that's a tough one it's just like hey your sister really wants to fuck me i want you to know that i won't but i am gonna have higher expectations of you in the bedroom going forward you know well listen becca's into it so what are are you going to do to raise this thing? I'm telling you right now,

if my sister-in-law, who I love very, very much, Becca, came to me and was like, what's happening? Where's the white hammer? Give me that little D. I would be like, whoa. Get it out.

I would fear entrapment and I would take all of the evidence and go, Laura, this is going to be fucking rough, but I'm not hiding this. I'm getting it all out ready fellas there's a bit of follow-up oh harry said a day later this lad sent this message i've just found out my girlfriend cheated on me a while back and now i'm debating leaving her for her sister what do you think by the way i have actually been in this situation before what what like this exact situation similar and you emailed your own podcast

and he emailed his own podcast anonymously bizarre stay with her and shag his sister his own podcast anonymously bizarre stay with her and shag his sister yeah what why because she's cheating on you but like why stay with her because then you're with someone you don't want to be with just shag the sister get out just just be audible from now on just shag everyone tell her you're still with her but then live as a single man yeah like come on you definitely you shag the sister before you break up with her, then you tell her, hey, we're breaking up because I fucked your sister, and then you go. No, shag it on Christmas Day.

What? That's so long. No, no, all day. Come on, we're going to do presents. We're busy. You need to get the fuck away from this family mate this is all take your hot yogurt somewhere else mate dad that's a power move that is a power move oh i found out you cheated on me by the way amy but uh bummed your dad so happy pride month three

one see you later happy pride month i love Shaggy's sister stay in school honestly this family there's other families fuck all of the other families isn't it it's a bad family horn is sexy family

fuck all of the other families like every member of every family I've shagged everyone else in the world apart from you and your dad right

we've got we'll do another bit of advice this is a bit of a long one this is from mark styles all right lids needing some advice we have a group of six lads and have one particular mate who is a character three of us have married and during all of our speeches this character has felt the need to shout out from the crowd in particular my wedding in connection of a story involving my wife and i having sex in my car now is where i need the advice his wedding is coming up and we've been told in no uncertain terms not to make or shout comments connecting to a joke we made about him fisting his missus we've been we've been winding him up for weeks as missus clearly on edge about it now it started

as a joke and him being on edge was enough but as the wind-up goes on he defends his actions at my wedding and justifies them as they were a true story and this is lies what are your thoughts do what he did as he deserves it or take the wind-up as a win and say nothing i won't give you rubber fists oh mate i would do a full if you're not allowed to say anything, I'd go Jesse Owens, 1938 Olympics, and just get all the boys from the fucking stag do to just be like... And he can be like, yeah, it's not that, love. They're just really into civil rights.

Oh, my God. Take inspiration from the first advice today and spread the rumour that he shagged his wife's sister. I like it. The hypocrisy of this. It's stinking. I'd make his wedding awful. This is why me and Carl have always been

sort of on edge at the prospect of either of us ever getting engaged and married and the idea of a stag do. It was like whoever goes first as the best man planning the stag do. If it was to be a stag do it was like whoever goes first as the best man planning the stag do if it was to be a stag do then it the other one is going to retaliate so the first one had to go like gentle or or unfollowably bad or get all her mates and her involved and then you've taken away the power

yeah uh what did you do for your stag daniel you're a married man i i didn't have a stag because we had a covid wedding oh so no stag which is which is fine just an egg buffet for me i just i just did the shark swim you know get the adrenaline going to say yes but no sorry this is like weirdly because like the reason i'm here at the moment is because i went to a mate's wedding and I kind of like tacked the tour on to the end of it. And at the wedding, his brother, who was his best man, shouted out during the speeches. And what the thing was, the mic was a bit quiet and his mom is making a speech. And he's like, hold the microphone closer.

Like my brother said to the bride like essentially a blow job yeah implication pretend you're your daughter sucking a dick because we can't hear you until you do did he get a laugh well done morning it it did get a laugh it got quite a big laugh but then her cousins who were more humorless than us uh were apparently talking a lot of shit about him at this wedding and so he punched one of them in the head nice and this was in italy oh so it was really not doing great for the old australian like the opinion of australians abroad but he punched one of the cousins. That's been a stereotype for a long time as well,

hasn't it? Yeah. Don't invite some Australians to your wedding in Italy because he'll punch some woman in the head. That's what they say. Is it a woman? No, he punched a guy in the head. Oh.

What? Was she 50? She was not 15. Was she fit? Despite what Carl might have heard, not 15. Well, you said her cousins. I think Carl's like the only person

who gets arrested by the police and goes up like, she told me she was 15. Well, you said her cousins. I think Carl's like the only person who gets arrested by the police and goes up like, she told me she was 15. No, no, no. This is for stealing a car. But yeah, just like, and then he had to leave the reception because obviously they'd like

punch one of the cousins in the head. And like. That's a yellow, that. Yeah. And a wedding it is. It's not, is it? In the head or in the face? I wasn't there to see the connection. I saw the aftermath. Why don not is it in the head or in the face I wasn't there to see the

I saw the aftermath punch someone in the head just get over it if you punch someone in the face that's nasty isn't it I think it was pretty front on but yeah

so like it's kind of yelling out at the wedding can have more dire consequences than you not being able to make your fisting joke what is going on with wedding speeches in the northern hemisphere

where they'd even entertain that as a possibility yeah they're just it's this thing now isn't it because people have seen the videos so they're like it's egged on by that isn't it so you've either got to do this brilliant speech or you lads who are a bit dumb are gonna go i'm really like they're doing it like a fucking roast and that's not the right crowd like put a ring on it now put something else on it but the best weddings to go to are comedian weddings because everyone in the room knows that it's not like paul smith's wedding was last year and no one acted the tip because there's at least 25 fucking excellent comics in the room and rob thomas 26 there's sorry 26 excellent comics and uh no one did that did they it's just it's because it's

just such a what did you call it the other day you die just being a fucking absolute did i call it your dad no when we were talking about in dressing rooms like being your darling trying to be at the funny it's just the time when you're like

don't be that guy not now there's too many funny people in the room a civilian wedding maybe yeah I think you should ruin the wedding

it sounds like an absolute gobshite this fella yeah he does deserve some kind of punishment don't let him off you can't do it to me

fuck off you did it first I'll do it worse invite Carl yeah people can pay me to ruin Bethlehem if they want

yeah have a word and then we'll wrap this up let's wrap it up where can people find you talk your social media page just hang on

before we do this last bit you can you can find me at Dan Muggleton on Instagram Twitter TikTok all that kind of shit Facebook just me at dan muggleton on instagram twitter tiktok all that kind of shit um facebook just put in daniel muggleton it's quite a unique name um i'll pop up and i'm

the one in the track suit which you know where did you get it around here by the way i it was just one out of that store it's like i finished the podcast with adam got the track suit and then this is the thing like i'm actually very impressed that you guys haven't asked me about it explicitly because like every podcast i ever go on every interview with like radio whatever it's like a fucking actress on the red carpet it's like so what are you wearing and why are you wearing it you know oh i just for me because i've never met you before yeah just i just wanted to make sure that our listeners because we know you as a comic from like loads of videos and stuff i know know it's a thing i just want to make sure that our listeners, because we know you as a comic from like loads of videos and stuff.

I know it's a thing. I just want to make sure that people watching are like, does that dude know he looks like he's in the Royal Tenenbaums? Like, I just, we don't need to do a whole thing. Whenever I hear your name, I think red tracksuit. Yeah. I mean, it's become like a thing, but like that was like pretty organic. You know, like the reason I started wearing it like kind of a thing, but like that was like pretty organic, you know?

Like the reason I started wearing it like kind of consistently was because of Jim Jefferies. That was like the actual reason. Because I met him in the tracksuit and like we went out after his show in Birmingham and then like got on it, you know, late night. Didn't get into a venue because I was wearing the tracksuit. Because that's the only UK thing, by the way. Like in Australia, you can get into anywhere wearing a tracksuit. It's fine.

Here, they see me in a tracksuit, look at me, and they're just like, oh, like, this is some kind of gang affiliate. I don't think you can get into the Royal Box, the Australian Open in a tracksuit. I think, I really think you could. Because maybe they think you're some kind of athlete. Well, we're going to have to agree to disagree on that. Well, should we go to the Australian Open?

Yeah. Get a box ticket. I'll wear my tracksuit. You can wear your shorts. And we'll see who gets in. If you walked into a nightclub with your attire on they would think you're selling drugs so yeah so so why was that night the reason you wanted to start wearing it then well no because i was wearing it anyway because i was when i was living here i was wearing i was catching so many mega buses around at different fucking gigs that wearing jeans was a punish so i wore the bottoms

all the time but i thought wearing like the full thing on stage was a bit posery you know what i mean like i was fucking gonna be some character act some royal tenenbaums tribute act so i was like i don't know where the whole thing that's a bit too much but then i met jim in it got turned away from a bar in it we like hung out like he offered me like the gig the next night at like the manchester arena because he thought i was like decent you know because basically he punished me for wearing the tracks of baby do shots and all this other shit and then like this is the best gig i've ever got in my life he was there we're like in his hotel room a bunch of different people all wasted and he's like manchester arena tomorrow 15 minutes 500 us this is like 2am the night

before and then his tour manager who's like chopping up lines looks up and goes five to seven unpaid and you have to make your own way there. And I was like, fuck yeah, I'll still take it. You know, I'm taking that gig, right? And then we went to a strip club after that in Birmingham on a Thursday, very low standards for a strip club in fairness. But he's like, put my pants on, you won't get in, in the tracksuit bottoms.

So I wore Jim Jefferies' pants to a strip club and then woke up the next day made my way from birmingham to manchester did the gig in the arena made like he had to bring my tracksuit pants down so i could wear them because i didn't want to do my first fucking gig in an arena wearing jim jeffrey's pants even though it was jim jeffrey's show which is quite a fucking opener right but then when i came off stage he was like the only comedian who i've ever met in my life who had a look until he got on stage because i just wear a great t-shirt and the bottoms and i was like yeah

it's actually a pretty fucking good point and then i've wore it ever since nice that's the thing um you're synonymous with it yeah in Liverpool I feel like you know it's not even a thing in Australia it requires quite a lot of explanation because just in terms of a climate it is not conducive to a tracksuit

it's not a Scouse trackie though is it? no no that's not a Scouse not anymore why Monterey Monterey

maybe Nike Under Armour a Scouse wouldn't wear a bright red as a tracksuit it's quite monk not a bad thing Wrong city Shall we do this

Have a word Yes Don't be offended Yeah This is Turn it down Hang on Don't start

Until he's fucking saying it's on Alright Now it's just A five ten percent Start your clip Funny This is from Steph. Before we start,

we're running low on have a word. Send them in have a word pod at gmail.com or quicker access. Do it by the Patreon. Nice. So this is from Steph. Hello, lads. Cannot wait to watch the Nashville special on Patreon.

Buzzing for it. Please. Can you have a word with my fella Kieran? We're on holiday at the moment. Got a lovely beachside hotel and it's all inclusive. I work hard and on holiday. I like to chill the the fuck out but kieran cannot sit still for more than 20 minutes he needs to swim snorkel paraglide go on fucking inflatable bananas and you know what that's fine but he constantly wants me to join in on everything no time to fuck off it's like

having a puppy on the beach have a word with him and tell him to go and have his 32 degree activity day and leave me in peace or get some adhd meds and have a lie down him and tell him to go and have his 32 degree activity day and leave me in peace or get some adhd meds and have a lie down next to me god love him he's doing my head in he's a cop shite holidays like on the holiday we're all going on we're all on a similar page but if someone's like hey let's go and do all the activities if i if i'm not in the mood to do the activities and all day i'm not doing the activities and all day yeah but if you are in the mood we're all fucking doing the activity yeah

because I'm in charge that's not the same thing I'm not doing fucking nothing Adam Rowe could not get me on an inflatable banana this holiday

I love no money that's how she died inflatable banana getting bummed yeah with an inflatable banana bummed to death on an inflatable banana

I know buy it erm er I can't that guy's I'm sure he's great fun with an inflatable banana. Buy it. I can't. That guy, I'm sure he's great fun in life, but he needs to chill out on a Holly Bob's, doesn't he? I don't want to be too harsh on him,

but he sounds like an insufferable cunt. Are you an activities guy on holes? Absolutely not. When someone's like that, where it's like, hey, we need to do an activity when we're hanging out, I think that speaks to the fact that you can't actually just stand the other person. You need like a conduit to kind of keep the magic alive. So I think not just,

don't just not do the activities with him on holiday, probably leave him. Break up with him on holiday. Probably leave him. Break up with him. You know? Leave him there? Yeah. Shag his sister. Because if he needs an inflatable banana

to enjoy your company, then it's just not going to work long term. Also, you can go and do all of that stuff. Kieran's fine. Go and do it. Just leave her alone. See her at lunch. Do you know what I mean?

It's that that's annoying. Oh, hello. How you doing? Just fucking stop trying to egg her. I've been on the inflatable bananas all morning. Anyway,

see you at dinner. Sounds well better. All right. What are you doing today, babe? Kieran, what are you doing? I'm going hiking and then I've rented a moped and then I'm going to do

rock climbing and then I don't know after that. And you're like, cool, just leave me out of it. Sounds like a good day though. She sounds fit. She sounds fit. She sounds fit. Kieran Levy.

What's her name? Steph. Nice one. She's a patron. If she's £10, I'll find her a new dream woman. Just some lazy lobster. That's exactly10 I'd find her a new dream woman just some lazy lobster that's exactly what I want you are?

this episode's done innit? you mean you're done and you want to play golf? it's just that I mean yeah but that's not what I'm saying that is true but that's not what I'm saying it's kind of what you feel a little bit a little bit That is true, but that's not what I'm saying. It's kind of what you feel. A little bit.

A little bit. No, I wasn't actually thinking about that. Oh, sorry. I just thought, well, you just have a shite, so I thought that was the end of the episode. Normally when you say something shite, we call it. All right. Any songs to sing? You know, we normally go, right, oh, we're done now, because someone puts one right in the bunker. You know what I mean? any songs to sing you know like

we normally go right oh we're done now because someone like puts like one right in the bunker you know what I mean in the bunker yeah

all right cool what are you doing now all right it's gone have we got a song we do it's from William Hutchby's brother-in-law

oh nice lovely bit of nepotism on this section so this we're back Hutchby's brother-in-law. Oh, nice. Lovely bit of nepotism on this section. Great band. We're back. That's five more minutes. That was great.

Keep it going. So the artist's name is Seji, and this is When I Get Paid. Shite. It's great. William Hutchby's brother-in-law. So good. Thanks for doing it, Daniel.

Really appreciate it. Have a good rest of tour. So good. Thanks for doing it, Daniel. Really appreciate it. Have a good rest of tour. Thank you very much for having me. Enjoy the Nashville special, lads. All I need is a kick and a sound wave Real ones there that are getting on my wave Don't be gagging on me flow, that's my way Got no whip when I'm swimming in my lane A few pints on Lough Lane

Jump in a cab or a bus, that's how I make Little Connie Square one, now that's a fine day Too many lagers trying to find my way, yeah I'm trying to quit them bifters How many times have I told my missus I'm done? Nah, I don't want your smoke Cause it rots your teeth and it makes you old No fun, now I'm on this flow

Now I'm on that flow, where will I go while I roll my boat? I'm on the mad one, she's on the fast one Can't catch me in the box doing coke No, no, no, no, no way, no way No way, no way, no way, no way When I get paid, there's no more stressing When I get paid, there's no more guessing When I get paid, oh, oh, oh

When I get paid, oh, oh, yeah It's gonna be groovy When I get paid, I'll stop being moody When I get paid Oh, oh, yeah It's gonna be groovy When I get paid, I'll stop being moody When I get paid, new shoes for the family When I get paid there's no more stressing When I get paid there's no more guessing When I get paid, uh, uh, yeah When I get paid, uh, uh, yeah It's gonna be groovy

When I get paid, I'll stop being moody When I get paid, I'll choose for the family When I get paid, that's coke with the brandy Yeah, oh yeah Thank you. you