Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #238 with Kate Barron - Have A Word w/Adam & Dan

Episode Date: August 20, 2023

Tickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Have A Word Live | https://haveawordlive.comDan's Tour | http://dannightingale.comAdam's Tour | https://adamrowe.co.ukComedian's Club Chester: https://www.comediansclubchester.comAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, Sensei Carl's Big Fat Quiz and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsListen to Finn's EP 'Do You Know?': https://linktr.ee/finnlaykThanks to this week's sponsors:Lovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_youtubeLove how you love and take 20% off site wide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: WORD20Android Homme | https://androidhomme.co.ukGet 20% off site wide with the promo code 'WORD20' at checkoutCalm | https://calm.com/wordGet 40% off a Calm Premium Subscription with unlimited access to Calm’s entire libraryManscaped | https://manscaped.com20% off with promo code: WORD20BetterHelp | https://betterhelp.com/word10Get 10% off your first month!NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordGrab your EXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal by going to nordvpn.com/haveaword. Get 4 bonus months when you purchase a 2 year plan. It’s completely risk free with Nord’s 30 day money-back guarantee!Sneak Energy | https://www.inflcr.co/SHHVlFuel different, drink Sneak.Become one of the lids:https://patreon.com/haveawordpodTickets:https://haveawordlive.comMerch:https://haveawordpod.comFind us everywhere:https://haveaword.pageDiscord:https://discord.gg/haveawordpodFollow the podcast, our hosts and our guest on social media:Have A Wordhttps://facebook.com/haveawordpodhttps://twitter.com/haveawordpodhttps://instagram.com/haveawordpodAdam Rowehttps://facebook.com/adamrowecomedianhttps://twitter.com/adamrowecomedyhttps://instagram.com/adamrowecomedianDan Nightingalehttps://facebook.com/danhasapodcasthttps://twitter.com/danhasapodcasthttps://instagram.com/danhasapodcastKate Barronhttps://twitter.com/kate_barronhttps://instagram.com/_katebarronADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to this week's episode of the Have A Weird Podcast, ladies and gentlemen. My name's Adam Rowe, and that's Dan, aren't you? Yeah, I am. Dan Nightingale. This is our podcast. It is. We're both going on tour separately, starting in... You start in August, I start in September. Going all over the gaff. Tickets for my tour at adamrowe.co.uk and tickets for Dan's tour at... DanNightingale.com

Ahead of that, you've got some previews coming up, danspreviews.com. Yeah, very few tickets left, but tickets are selling out for both these tours. Get them now to avoid disappointment. And of course, if you're a long-time listener of Have A Word, you will know that we have got one of the biggest and best Patreons on the planet and the biggest in the United Kingdom.

£23,000 and counting. Starting from just £3 a month, you get an absolute belt of a deal from us. Not only do you get early access to these public episodes, but you get an extra episode every single week, which is where we save our naughtiest humour for. And on top of that, every single month, you get a special.

You get a brand new special every single month. Back catalogue included. Legendary. The Nashville special was huge. We went to Amsterdam. We've done two ghost hunts. We've taken over a restaurant. And there's loads more on top of that.

I think we're up to something like 20 plus Patreon specials. And then the famous lock-ins when we get hammered in here with our mates. Some of the best podcasting we've ever done. Patreon.com slash have a word pod. Sign up for just three quid a month. You do get more benefits the more you sign up for, but everyone gets all of the content that we put on there.

And on top of that, you get early access to tickets for our shows, for the podcast live shows. And sometimes we do small events and they sell out immediately on Patreon. So if you want to be in the room for those, you've got to be a Patreon. Patreon.com slash have a word pod. Sign up now and enjoy this episode.

We've already recorded it. It's going to be a belter. Belter. Wag wag leads. You're listening to the funniest podcast in the game from the heart of Liverpool with Adam, Dan, Sensei Carl and Finn. This is the one and only

Have A Word. Brought to you by Manscaped, the very best products on the market for below the waist grooming. Go Ed, get on me. Hello. It's good to be back. Boys, it's been weeks since I was doing a

public, you know. Oh shit, yeah. It has been. It has? I've missed one. Two weeks. Two weeks. Yeah. To all the pubes out there who don't pay for Patreon, it's good to see you again. Obviously I can't really see you, but I feel like I can. You can see me. It's good to be back.

Right. Right, everyone. I can see you watching. Yeah, Barry got his knickers in a twist he was like he did great Barry calls me after every episode he's involved in

oh no did I talk about ghosts too much or me mum yeah he said that oh no I'm totally shitting it did I talk about me mum too much was it inappropriate yeah he rang you on the Sunday didn't he

in my head as soon as I heard that I was like wow he's really got the scheduling of that editing wrong just a little think about a couple of bits when I saw the phone going off I was like this went up yesterday I'd said it to myself like buddy what are you doing here chump and he just wanted

to listen to me uh i just want to say thank you to dan by the way i'm supposed to have a guest co-host today he's looking after his child this week that he chose to have remember that but he's uh he's been tired i just wanted to come inside my wife yeah what today every day he's gonna have a day off but uh all of our all of the people we would choose to co-host uh are not available you know there's a few people who live nearby that would never we would never choose to put them in that chair and we could have got one of them in but instead of that we got a very tired dan in i'm all right i had a little paddy at tea time on whatsapp when you messaged me yeah oh he did yesterday oh i checked because

i text him because it was just him it didn't need to go in any of the groups i was like look lads there's no coast like here's everyone i've asked is everyone i can't ask because they're in edinburgh or away on an aldi i think i just need you to come in and he said aids aids cunts fuck aids i can't believe this the week i've got jack on my own is the week I'm doing three episodes so I've known this is coming for a while flagged it up and then I was like maybe if like everything falls right I'll be able to

just do the Patreon episode that week and in the end I've not done less I've done more I was so tired on Sunday night he wakes up at five and he's like morning and then he did it on monday morning daddy daddy where does he sleep in his bed has he got a bed he's a traditionalist yeah he's got a room things are doing up we're doing all right i mean it used

to be a podcast studio does he stay in the same room as you when it's just you two in the house nope wow we've broken that kid's spirit with that he's like this is my bed this is like a pen a pen what yeah we've got the guinea pigs in there i'm jack he's not he's he's old enough to be in a bed oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah really yeah how old is he again and you've not met him i've've never met him. 23. He's got a speech impediment. What happens if he, like, gets lost under the duvet? I don't kind of suffocate now. I don't know what happens with kids, but, like, he's big, isn't he?

If he gets lost under the duvet, he goes, right, right, I'll take that off. What if he rolls out? What if he rolls out? Now, this is where we'll come back. I know what you mean. What if he sleepswalk? What if he rolls out? Now, this is where we'll come back. I know what you mean. What if he sleeps well to the next town over? He's done that.

He's done that. We found a two-year-old in Ellesmere Port. Daddy, I'm going to the Blue Planet. I don't know how he got in. It's 5am. He's in the whale enclosure it's a big one that he's stood up like he's just doing this he's stood in front of it

I'll never guess he's got like a little thing on the side of his bed just to stop him rolling out that's what I mean yeah there's like a gap at the bottom get in makes it makes a normal little single bed look a bit like the top of a bunk bed you know when you've got your little age to have it and then the thing looks like a hospital bed he's been in his own bed about three months he was in a cot before that right so he can now get out which he doesn't always remember which is great uh he woke

we were he went to bed at seven last night and I was in a mood. When you message guys, can you- Seven o'clock. Seven o'clock. He doesn't even see your name a day only. And he keeps asking.

He keeps asking. By the way, no. Is he not like your mess and dad? Still light? And then Adam was like, I couldn't possibly find- Does he watch the the omnibus on a sunday no he's an omnibus like yeah yeah he misses his nap on a sunday for the omnibus adam was like i can't find

any human who can talk with the mouth there just isn't any available there's only seven humans in the world that we trust with this job and at that moment like jack was was having an hour long paddy about absolutely fuck all. He's got Blippi on the TV. Die, Blippi, die. He's got his iPad. He had some cucumber, some fruit, some fucking prawn cocktail crisp. I couldn't have given him any more.

It's a mad scram, man. Yeah. Because that's why he's fuming. It's a fucking poverty scram. What do you think he wants? Just one cucumber prawn cocktail crisp. Mate, you've not

gone to a two-year-old. Give him a fucking vindaloo, mate. Unlock him up. He's not coming back going, daddy, daddy, can I have duck a la ronge?

He's a two-year-old. He's absolutely insane. Has he ever had duck a la ronge? He goes, it was cucumber. He goes, pink crisps.

That's because you're teaching him. He hasn't seen, has he had a hot dog? Has he had a sausage roll? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It smashes him. I'm not allowed to go anywhere near the food normally. He was being a ball bag.

At one point, he was crying. I was like, stop crying, mate. And I just walked off. I just left him on the couch. He was like... He was doing this thing like... And then Adam's like, lad, you're going gonna have to come in tomorrow

can't you ask him what he wants yeah joni's doing that go what what you want yeah and he goes cucumber give me chocolate there you go pink crisp that's it watermelon he loves watermelon it's mental yeah it's mentally it's an eclectic scrum. It absolutely is. And you're not meant to give them all at once. I was just trying to shove him off. Oh, yeah. We never had the chat about protection. I want to eat marshmallow and coal. Yesterday, I had to give it to him.

So what stopped him being a ball bag? Just whatever. I think he just got a bit overstimulated. In a way of himself? He was like, no. He just had a word. He was being a bit over like stimulated or whatever himself he's like no he just had a word a bit of a dick yeah he just came in and went play-doh i was like you're not eating that got it out he played he chilled what did he make i just made i just came to i was like it's my podcast we own it if i was if it was the same situation you've come in here ball bag tired If it was the same situation,

you've come in here ball bag tired. So I just had to, I was like, right, man up. But I went to bed at like half eight, nine, and I went to sleep and I woke at two and Steve had messaged me about Costco. And if I could have rung him to go fuck off Steve, I would have, which I've apologized about this morning. And then sometimes when I wake up, you know when you need to sleep,

you can't get back to sleep? Yeah. I just, it kept happening. You're one of the group's, Steve, stop being thick. 2 a.m. I'm waiting to talk to a member of staff. I read it like,

oh, I'm going back to sleep. I know, but it's like the day that I don't want to be on. And Steve's like, oh, you're coming in. Could you go to Costco and apply for a card? 30 to 40 minutes before, I was like, fuck off, on. And like, Steve's like, oh, you're coming in. Could you go to Costco and apply for a card? 30 to 40 minutes before,

I was like, fuck off, Steve. Appreciate it, Steve. Apologies about that. But yeah, I went back to sleep.

So he was up at bottle at four, changed his nappy, gave him a bottle, closed the door. I went back to sleep and then at 6am, he just wandered in in a good mood.

I was like, I still feel tired. Gave him my phone with you two kids. I got another hour and I woke up, had half a modafinil. I'm flying. That is the best night's sleep when I needed, well, not the best night's sleep, but I like to just sleep all night.

But considering what was going on today and how bad this could have been, fucking beautiful. Did you give him your phone, yeah? Yeah. Risky, doesn't it? What do you mean? What happens if you start buying stuff on Amazon? Yeah, that's not happening, yeah.

It does on Twitter. Oh, shit, yes. What happens if you've left your naughty Twitter down? Oh, yeah, online banking. Fuck, yeah. Daddy, daddy, look at her pink crisps. Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, that's a big cucumber.

People don't want that bad cucumber no i've never done that i have left the the naughty twitter like you know when you crack a wank out and then

you're like right i'm done with that and then you put it out like literally close your windows i'll be in public and go on twitter i'm done with that

guys thanks for watching see you again tomorrow close these windows physical windows yeah windows got two

hang on you mean I like the windows the windows of a Android phone oh I get what you did there for comedy

and I liked it it was that it was that yeah I know but I don't talk to him about this this is our secret chat yeah so honestly so I appreciate but I don't talk to him about this this is our secret chat yeah so

honestly so I appreciate you I'm here sorry for saying I didn't like you we appreciate you that's said via whatsapp

I love you but right now I don't like you oh I missed all this you're right am I but it's fine I just got told we had a new guest

and he was of a certain type of person and I guessed it was you yeah old and effeminate hello so it's great laura's back today fucking hopefully and we're good oh she's back today she's back later oh she'd never been taking a day off yeah kind of scandalous are you done with jack today then i'm done with him for about three weeks now i've got to go and pick

him up where is he is it he's a what that's bath or something is it what the swim bath the swim bath yeah no he's just at the aquarium that's where he gets his length um just at nursery so i'm done i'm here fine good you're all right you're good yeah i had a headache for three days it's not good is it they do last that? Do you want half a modafinil? That's all I can offer. No. It's too late in the day for a modafinil, isn't it? Is it?

Yeah, you can't really have them after double figures of AM. Is that true? Yeah, because they last about 14 hours. Oh, you're going to fuck yourself to your sleep. So if I had it now, the modafinil would be in my system until about one. Why? I mean, you've got

different, you know, different bodies of us. Yeah. What time's the break? What time's half time? You going to have another one? You don't seem any

different. No, I'm fine. It's not. What is it? It's not crystal meth. It's just a fucking narcolepsy drug that helps you concentrate.

Sorry. And I am focused in, mate. I'm going to hear all your zingers today. Hey. No, they're not that strong. I mean, we know people that have had, like, more than one and been a bit gurney. So there is, like, anecdotal evidence

that people can get a bit like, you can't have too much. Josh in Paris. Oh, I was trying to- Trying to be fucked, yeah? Yeah, I was just trying to be, I didn't know if you wanted me to say that, so I was like trying to be double-minded.

So when we went to the Champions League final, Alfie had a strip of them because he knew he was going to need one. So he had one and he said, I was fucked and he was like, have one of these, you'll be absolutely fine, but in like half an hour, you'll feel awake for like 12 hours.

And I literally felt like I'd had a sleep. And Josh had one with us. But then two hours later, Josh was like, that just hasn't affected me at all. He was like, give us another one. And Alfie was like,

you don't want another one, lad. Just give me another one. And he had one. And then a few hours later, Alfie was like, has Josh had cocaine? And I looked at Josh and his jaw was just like a fucking,

like Newton's cradle just going back and forth. And I went, have you bought cocaine in Paris? And he went, no. As if I'd do that. No, no, no.

No, no. No. No. And I was like, what's this? And he was like, it must be the modafinil. And then they went dancing.

Are they for kids? What? Yeah. Modafinil are for kids. Isn't it? Yeah, you get a tattoo with it. No. Batman.

Oh, yeah. Ritalin. Collect all of the... Ritalin is, isn't it? Ritalin. Yeah. So that's ADHD medication. Yeah.

It's a stimulant version. I mean, I don't know. Like, maybe if your kid's been diagnosed with ADHD, it's absolutely where you want to be, but fucking hell, giving kids stimulants seems like a last resort, doesn't it? Apparently they're strong as fuck. Ritalin?

Yeah, all the, yeah, the ADHD medication. Yeah. I've got to be careful as well because even with modafinil i'm like yeah it gets to the point where you use stuff even if you're like ah this is why i'm using it today the next day you'll find a reason in your head to be like yeah it's like the shane gillis bit about his dad not drinking yeah like monday night football because i'm having a fucking beer

and you're getting fucked up the next night. It's Tuesday. There's no fucking football. Beer. Like you do that. That's like, if you've got that addictive thing, you can rationalize and it, and the further down you go, the road you go, you get,

it gets more extreme, but like I'll have a day off tomorrow. And in my head, I'll be like, I need to focus on the preview I've got tonight. So like, that's why. How often do you have them as afnils? I don't hardly ever.

This is the first strip I've had for a year. I haven't had them for a year and a half. You have to be careful with them, but they are very effective if you use them when you need them. Oh, but in the past, a couple of years ago, I got a big pack and they were like 100 milligrams, like maybe 50 of them. So I never have more than half

just so strong like as josh found out in paris so that can last and i was maybe it was like four five a week sometimes and like just kept going because you get it in your head you're like oh i'm gonna be fucking knackered tomorrow if i don't have one and then oh i'm gonna be knackered this week and you'll always find a reason to be like i need there's loads going on this week and then you've got to go what i had to do was go right you're not buying some for ages but you have a mad addictive personality though but then i compare it to people with really mad addictive personalities so right now i've been vaping i've been on those since end of october last year it's so mad that that's become a thing and and i can feel in my head the things of like ah yeah you need to get off these and it'll it'll be in the

next couple of months get on your fume thank god the nicotine in your ones is it the is it the nicotine ones yeah yeah i didn't know that like some people have the ones without them don't they yeah but that's what we're doing there we're using fume um but personally i like the ones who have got the same nicotine as 36 fags or whatever ridiculous but i will that i'll be able to break that yeah i'm really mad addictive so i've got this thing where I get in one postman red as well what when I get in I've just heard what I said and now I know what the joke was and I'm just moving on

and I think you want me to yeah yeah yeah I'll just go too far down one rabbit hole and then go nah this is mad I need to stop this

yeah but then you've always filling it with something else that's not good for you yeah I do yeah you can eat and eat and eat but not on a level filled with void therapy talk and then go, nah, this is mad. I need to stop this. Yeah, but then you've always filling it with something else that's not good for you. Yeah, I do. Yeah, you can eat and eat and eat, but not on a level fill that void. Therapy talk.

Thanks. So, you know, I've got into Guinness, Wimbering Anglesey, every day. And Laura's like, every day? And I could see it. Oh, she can fuck off on holiday. Yeah, she can. Let me bring her.

Laura, fuck off. But don't come back. Come back and look after these children anyone who has to go with anyone for drinking to excess on holiday should be shot

right so we had an Airbnb in Benlec in Anglesey we weren't on the strip in fucking it doesn't matter that's still your holiday yeah

is it it is it is yeah like there's some people that is their only holiday for the year you've got a very successful podcasting business,

so you've been on quite a few gallivanting trips. That's not the point. Some people's only holiday of the year is Anglesey, and they should be allowed to drink Guinness from noon till night time. Noon till night time. I mean, you're not wrong. You're not wrong.

What do you reckon you're going to fill it in with next? What's your next thing? Fad? Sausage rolls. Sausage rolls? Do you know what? Do to fill it in with next? What's your next thing? Fad? Sausage rolls. Sausage rolls? Do you know what? Do you know what's really mad? I genuinely think he could get addicted to steak bakes.

Yes. I genuinely think he could. You know like how you get mad with food and you find that one thing and then you become like super autistic and you're like, ah, I'm having that forever. You could get addicted to pasties.

That's how good they are. I got out of hand. Ten of my sins. Can someone get a steak bake? Today. Can him it's soon. Today of the day. Can someone get a steak? Today of the day. Shall we go and get the Greggs range? Yes, can we go to Greggs?

And after the break, I'll try it. How long have we done? I'll run to Greggs now. No, we'll do it in the second section. We've done 17. If you could run in the break. We'll do it in the break. Run to Greggs for me, Finn.

Sausage roll, steak bake, cheese with your pasty. Oh my God. Chicken bake. I don't know. Oh, I like the chicken bake. cheese with your pasta. Oh my God. Chicken bake. I don't know. Oh, I like the chicken bake. He's got to try it. Yeah.

Oh, can we just recreate the Christmas carol? What day is it? Today? A random day in August. Here's a shiny guinea. Get the biggest bird from the shop. I'm excited on your beer. Yeah, you're going to taste the steak bake.

Do you know how mad that is? I know it's the best one. And no one puts the headliner on first, but you've got to do steak bake first. Hang on. You're not building up to the steak bake. No. No, it's that good that you're going to go out with the rest.

Keep drinking between, cleanse your palate. Right. You get to know forever the first day you had a steak bake. No one else gets that. Have it documented. 16th of August, 2023. Oh. Have it documented. You're of August, 2023. Oh. Have it documented?

You're the lucky man. And luckily, you know, I've had a modafinil, so I'm not hungry and don't need food. But I'd be able to really concentrate on the taste that I don't like. It's pastry full of steak and gravy. Oh, God. It's got what in it? Steak.

And what? It's steak. And what? Brown liquid. I'm out. No, you're not. No. No, you're not. It's not gravy. It's steak. And what? Brown liquid. I'm out. No, you're not. No. No, you're not.

It's not gravy. It's not gravy. It's not gravy. It's not gravy. It's like steak sauce. No, it's meat mush. No, it's not. You're fucking eating it.

Show up and eat your dinner or you're not going for a walk. Going for a walk? Let me go for a walk. Eat your dinner. These kids, they're always walking I limit it

you've got to limit how much your kids are walking I give them screen time let me go for a walk no eat your dinner and sit down

where's your preview tonight Runcorn I love doing Runcorn I feel really emotional yeah

I'd love to go I mean don't get me wrong I don't attached to that place. I'd love to go back to the Heath. I mean, don't get me wrong. I don't want to be there. Would you? Canteen? Yeah. Oh.

No, you wouldn't know, would you? I would see Jackie and the fellas. It's fully nostalgia, isn't it? Because when we were there, we hated it. It's only been a year. Give me a few years and doing that comedy office, what is it? The comedy office.

Yeah. I would get like, oh, I don't think I'm quite there yet. But I do love gigging in Runcorn. I really do. It's the spiritual home of the Hathaway Massive, isn't it? Yeah.

I've got a very busy day today. I'm going to get an air cut at half three. And then I've got a meeting with my accountant at five. And then I've got a train at seven back to Edinburgh. Going back? You decided to do the rest of the run?

Go on, mate. Go on, mate. Just to get your underpants? Yes, just get me underpants, underpants you bought new ones though yeah I didn't actually, I had plenty that were clean I got away with it I'm going back primarily to play more golf

yeah and then do those shows you've got come on to the fringe to play golf I'm only going to Runcorn tonight to play golf I'm just squeezing in a preview what shows? shows? oh that that link because otherwise you lose a hand you have to you have to overlap oh i know yeah you're telling me about overlap what course is it in run corn the run corn links the run corn um uh saint steve's yeah um saint steve saint steve was he a saint

yeah yeah yeah he was in Runcorn. Steve who owns the Quickfit. He's just a good lad. Saint Gary's. These are probably primary schools in Liverpool. Saint Gary's. Saint Gary's. That's Father O'Leary's church.

Yeah, yeah. Welcome to Saint Gary's. When he's just passed his exams, he's getting into Saint Gary's, aren't you, babe? Off to big school. Oh, yeah, this is Father O'Leary, by the way. Yeah, yeah, I'm mad now. Yeah, yeah.

Welcome to St. Gary's. Sunday morning service has been moved to Sunday afternoon because I've got a bastard on a Sunday morning. Do you know what I mean? Fucking heads pounding. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. Fuck off. Father O'Leary, do you actually believe in the word of God

or do you just teach it? Do I believe in the word of God? I'm only one man. I don't need to question it, but I do get a free house next door, so that's good enough for me. Who's your favourite saint? No fucking council, thanks.

Saint Gary, you know. Other than Gary, who's your favourite? Who's my favourite saint? Ricky Lambert. Good lad. He's some fucker. He's going to little Saint Ricky Lambert's year seven. He's quite happy with that joke.

Fuck off. I've just had two fags. Yeah. How old? Cigarettes. Fuck, you know. It's not 2016. fucking hell it's not

not 2016 I'm going you've still got one you've just flicked it how many were in there I go fast I got a big fucking soak on me

like fucking hell that's how I got in the chair did you always want to be a priest yeah well no yeah I wanted to be

yeah well no yeah alright lads fuck off once pop of air yeah yeah fuck

I wanted to I actually wanted to be a downhill skier yeah rather than those uphill skiers yeah yeah yeah downhill skier

yeah you've got to specify some mad cunts in France. But that's the problem, you know. Grew up on a council estate in Skem. No hills. I'm guessing. You can go round about skiing though. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's what I did. Yeah, yeah. That's what I did. Toboggan. How old were you when you became a man of the cloth? A man of the cloth? Well, I've always... That means priest father already.

Yeah, yeah, I don't know. I'm just buying time to think. About 27. Hang on, when did I go down? HMP, 25, two years. I was three, out for good behaviour. Yeah, yeah, 27, came out. How old are you now?

how old am I now? it's like interviewing John Bishop he's a good lad actually he's sometimes come round for confession what have you been stealing? jokes?

no how is that the most contentious thing? oh dear that is a how is that? he'sious thing do you that is a how is that he's not a joke that is the

that's the worst accusation you can level on a comedian I'm only fucking messing and you've just done it in our patron patron saint of being from

Runkorn John Mitchell well I'll tell you what when you slam you slam hard mate you fucking hell have a mid-affin

I'll get you a words right anyway apologies to John he's a good lad. I gave good John a couple of weeks ago. He literally is the... Hang on. He's the reason... I'll dance back.

He's the reason... It's me. It was me. Fucking hell. I'm mad at that. What? He's the reason I have a car. I love that man.

He got me on TV. I just saw... He told you what cars were? What? She named cars, lad. You need to get on them. I love that man he got me on TV I just saw he told you what cars were you what seen them cars lad need to get on them I was still on me skateboard back then and then John Bishop

talked me into cars and I was like you know what that sounds good that still tobogganing round scam erm yeah that

that warm up for John Bishop is only joking I was my car had broken down and the money for that bought a new car that lasted fucking ages um and he got me on tv uh i got a volvo was it the absolute granddad wagon that was the first

car i remember that volvo the long blue one oh it's so good it's such a beast on the motorways i loved it i'd had like really rattly tin pot cars doing 40 000 miles a year on the motorways. I loved it. I'd had like really rattly tin pot cars doing 40,000 miles a year on the circuit. And then I just went, do you know what? I don't give a shit how this looks. I'm going to get one of them long old cruisers with like, oh, it was great.

Did you have a Z4? Yeah. Thought about that this morning. Yeah, that was an hour and a half, wasn't it? I had it for six months. I lost probably about three grand on it. You had it for six months.

You didn't drive it for six months, did you? I grand on it you had it for six months you didn't drive it for six months did you I drove it a bit yeah didn't you get six points on it yeah I got yeah

yeah and then I bought that Jag and then gave it back after a week I've not missed those at all you got your big cat following my footsteps

do you know when I when I was getting going in stand up Rob Rouse and Ross Noble there was this like because I was young and I was looked up to these guys because I was young my footsteps do you know when i when i was getting going in stand-up rob rouse and ross noble there was this like because i were young and i was looked up to these guys because i was young because i were young these were like my heroes and they were the cool comics and um there was a rumor that

they'd both bought really like old late 80s early 90s jags like the really long ones you know that are like the business saloon executives that someone's done 100,000 miles on or 120,000 miles on as a business car and then has been selling for like three or four grand. And they'd had the same thing of like, oh, these fucking cars. All we do is motorway miles. So they'd each bought these ridiculous,

like gas guzzling fucking cruisers. And I'd remember that for ages and i worked with ross noble and um we were just in the dressing room chatting there was literally no one else there and i was trying not to fanboy because i was a big fan of ross noble when i was starting out first comedian i ever seen live and i um yeah same yeah he's just a... Also, he's one of the nicest guys ever. He was playing the City Hall in Sheffield and the night before, Billy Connolly had been playing it. So Ross Noble had managed to get his tour

with the night, free the night before. So he'd gone with his wife to watch Billy Connolly. And I just think that's really cool. They'd watched him on the Thursday and then Ross was in the big room on the Friday or something like that. And his wife who'd seen his show came around the back and watched us instead, watched the last Laugh Facts.

So she was like, look, I've seen your show. If there's comedy in the circuit comedy in the other room, I'll go and watch that. And then the next night Ross is doing the same big room again and they both come in and this is Ross Noble. He goes, oh, do you have a good gig last night? was like yeah yeah he was like i can't remember his wife's name she was like she said she laughed more at you than she did at billy connelly she fucking loved it he's like very generous and like kind like knowing how big he is so i think we were

gigging together in and around then really and we were just in the dressing room and I was like, I heard a legend about you that you and Rob Rouse had bought these ridiculous old like Jag cruisers. This would have probably been like seven, eight years before, 10 years before maybe just to do the circuit. And he, you could tell he'd forgotten, like he'd forgotten how legendary it was.

He was like, Oh yeah. Oh, she made me sell it a few. He was like, oh, yeah. Oh, she made me sell it a few years ago. It'd just been sat there. If we'd have had this conversation two years ago, I'd have given it you. Ah, sick. Yeah, I was so gutted.

I'd have taken that. Just like Ross Noble's old fucking... He was part of my Christmas routine, like my formative comedy. Every single Christmas, Mum would get me Ross Noble's DVD and I'd open my presents and put Ross Noble on for like

six, seven years in a row. I used to get Lee Evans every year. Lee Evans went on a run, didn't he? Yeah, like a really prolific... We've talked about this before, but when you meet comics that you've idolised and they are brilliant and nice people, and I'm

literally with John bishop i i was just ad libbing he is not a joke thief he's fucking great he's one of the kindest guys ever i just saw a clip last week of him where he did a line about if you have a pint of guinness it's like eating something and he realized that someone had done that line 20 years ago and he went oh i've nicked a joke and that's obviously lodged in my head. Unbelievable guy, but like Ross Noble meeting Lee Evans. When you meet these guys and they're amazing. Yeah. So nice.

Well, Lee Evans, when he was building up to a tour, what he used to do was go to the Glee clubs and do the middle, but he'd do an hour in the middle and then the headliners still had to go on and headline afterwards. Fucking hell, mate.

Do you remember when Sean Walsh was on? I remember Sean was doing me. I told the story.h was on he gave my advice he's like yeah shut up that was when lee evans went to me oh you want to you want to try and get off the circuit and uh yeah when you meet like michael mcintyre is not like doesn't get mentioned loads but he's a fucking lovely guy who's only ever been lovely i'm trying to think who else is do you know what john bishop is doing at the minute he's trying to start again what as a comic yeah so i i got a text a couple of weeks ago i was meant to be doing hot water and the text was uh john bishop's looking to do some sets tonight do you mind having the night off we'll still pay

you and john's gonna do your sets and i was like absolutely fine josh my mate was having a housewarming party so it worked out really well uh a week after that i was hosting the london comedy store and i get down there and they go oh john bishop's dropping in he's gonna do a few sets oh he's doing the american thing but he's not only doing the american thing he went to New York for two weeks to do the New York comedy clubs because he wanted to go and do comedy clubs where no one knows him so I spoke to him in the green room of the store I was like are you warming up for a new tour

and he went no not unbooked in, not unplanned I just want to go back to the clubs and start again this is going to be me and you after these tours it's going to be great I think he wants to go and become a club comic again the clubs and start again. This is going to be me and you after these tours. It's going to be great. To what end though? To get better.

I think he wants to go and become a club comic again. He's got the money where he doesn't need to tour. So he can go and learn how to fucking murder in clubs to people who don't either know or maybe some,

like when you get to a certain level of fame, you've got just as many haters as people who like you. So you can walk into a comedy club and after the room, like fucking hell, John Bishop.

But other people will be like, fucking hell, John Bishop fucking hell i saw kev bridges walk on at the glee to as a surprise middle and some people tried to give him a stand innovation because they were like oh my god my favorite comic just walked on and then you could see other people in the room going off this guy like it's almost not an advantage. It's easier just wandering out going, no one knows you and you get to build

from there. Yeah. So he's gone to New York, literally said that he's got a, he can walk on and no one's got a fucking clue who he is.

Or what he's saying. Even at his size, nobody knows. I mean. It does not translate from the UK to America unless you go and do stuff in America.

There they are. Jimmy Carr, Jack Whitehall, two of the guys. Sloss. I've made a concierge effort to start doing little bits of American stuff because long-term, I want to have a foundation of it.

Like, if I go and do stuff in America, people might be like, oh, I've seen him on Schultz's podcast years ago or whatever. Oh, yeah, yeah. That toe dip that I've done is very deliberate without committing to going over there properly because literally nobody

in the comedy clubs in New York will know John Bishop. It's insane. That's mad, that. Arena, one of the biggest in the country. Like, genuinely,

it'll be more likely that people know me or Dan from having the likes of Stan Hope and Gillis on here. Wild. Sick, though. I love that, though. Shout out to all the

really famous sound comedians you appreciate you break time ladies and gentlemen to our brand new weekly section man tries food for the first time yes this is dan nightingale and he's an absolute knobhead when it comes to eating so we've've got him a steak bake, a chicken bake and a sausage roll from Greg's, the pasty shop. They haven't sponsored this episode, but you know what? Shouts out to them anyway for a consistent pastry-based savoury snack business throughout the years. Great save.

Rolls off the tongue, that means. It's a consistent piece. He's going for sausage roll first and I respect that. That's probably a good move. This is Dan Nightingale, 42 years old. Oh, look at that. The pastry's a perfect golden brown. First ever sausage roll.

Do you need a sick bucket? No, I'm just getting wet wipes so I can spit it into something. What the fuck? You're going to like it. It's sausage. I know your palate. Shut up, you fucking vegan. Veggie.

Oh, yeah, sorry. It's very sausagey. That's the sausage-based pastry? Yeah. What's your instant feelings? Sausage. Sausage. Pastry's knife.

Yeah. You know what I want you to do? I want you to take a second bite now that your eyes have been opened to it. Bite the top off. Do you know how fussiness works? Yeah. We love you.

Yeah, but you don't hate it. You just spat it out if you hated it. Yeah. You don't hate it. What's that one I'm not eating? Sausage, bean and cheese. Fuck. Oh yeah, I wouldn't eat that. I wouldn't. Fuck off, mate. You don't hate it. What's that one I'm not eating? Sausage, bean and cheese. Fuck. Oh yeah, I wouldn't eat that.

I wouldn't. Fuck off, mate. I don't mind them. You're doing well, are you Dan? We love you. Thank you. You're such a big boy. Why did that turn me on?

A third bite, yeah? He loves it. He loves it, don't you? Show your nan. Show your nan. The man said that was the best one in the shop. So, Dan, that's your first ever sausage roll. What is your verdict?

You've got to give us a... I'm still not arsed about sausages. What's your rating out of 10? Sausage roll. For what? Sausage roll. Compared what? Sausage roll. Compared to what? Something I like.

Food. Three. Do you think you'll ever buy a sausage roll? If. If I was somewhere starving and there was nothing else available. So like you're in the woods, you've been lost in the wilderness for days

and you come across a Greggs and all they've got left is sausage rolls. I am one of them wilderness Greggs. And there's no crisps. There's no sweet treats. There's no meal deals. There's no baguettes, nothing. Baguette.

Baguette. This has just gone from I don't eat it to quite low down the list of things I eat. Look at you. You love it. I don't love it. You've got more to eat, you know. Yeah, don't eat it to quite low down the list of things I eat. Look at you. You love it. I don't love it. You've got more to eat, you know.

Yeah, don't be filling up. Oh, no, I'm not allowed to eat it. Dan, we're proud of you there. Well done. You just had your first sausage roll as a 42-year-old man.

Well done. I am a little bit upset that you didn't fall immediately in love with it. Is there still some of that Diet Coke left? Yeah. Have a swig of that.

Cleanse your palate. That's what you need with pasties. You want to just cleanse your palate with... If you've never watched Have a Word, I'm the oldest person here

getting patronised to fuck. You know what? I deserve it. This is a steak bake. Oh. This is the grail. The what? This is a steak bake.

Can I not try the chicken one first? Honestly, right? You can if you want, but I'm telling you- But if this is the best one, it's not not going to seem shit compared. I'm telling you right now, there is more chance of you not liking this

than there is you not liking that. But I like chicken. I know you do. It's like a steak. It's like a synthetic-y chicken. A synthetic-y chicken? You're not, you've got to trust me. There is more, it's much more likely that you go,

oh no, with this one than that. It's like i'm right though aren't i yeah yeah first ever steak bake 42 years old you've got to get into that as well sometimes the steak baker i'm right at the front What's that? Ah. Steak. I can taste the gravy. Ugh. Oh, no. Nah, mate. That's broke my little heart. Nah. It's all meaty.

Nah, I'm not into it. Give me the chicken. Nah, it's too busy. The sausage I get. You're the first person who's ever had a steak bake other than a fucking vegan. Who hasn't liked it? I'm also the first person to describe a steak bake as busy It's the opposite It's just a simple

Give me some of that fucking sausage roll He loves the sausage roll Right, I'm into sausage rolls But they can fuck off whatever they are Horrible, busy cunts Wallace do you want some dinner

what's going on with that what's that which one the chicken bait it's got white sauce in it is that jizz it's white it's chicken jizz

it felt like chicken jizz there you go and that one reminded me of all the smells of a Sunday roast like at home

oh yes that's great what are you cooking in there the roast that one reminded me of the nicest meal of the week oh gravy and meat oh me what are you doing in here open them windows things are roasting here open those windows i'm having a wank i'm starting to think you're being sarcastic there. Do they do nacho steaks? Nacho bakes?

They do some new nacho Mexican thing. Shut up. Yeah, they'd fuck it up. I can do my own. It's not going to be great. Next week, you're going to try a hot dog. Greggs,

me say no to these. Don't bake. Roll. That is progression. It is. That's alright. That's genuinely all right that now you've had the others where would you rank the sausage roll you gave it a four a minute ago is

it still a four yeah compared to stuff i like yeah by the way nobody on planet air thinks sausage rolls are all right right all right do you want me to give these um yeah independent in a bubble yeah i will give them marks go on for how much how much I've not hated it and hated it, seven. Seven out of ten. That was decent, yeah. That was okay. I'm never that convinced about the taste of sausage. There's something almost like timey about it, like with the H.

Do you know what I mean? You can get timey. Do you know what I mean? Like a little bit, but I don't hate it. And the pastry's nice. I get the combo. I hate roasts,

and I hate the juice of roast and gravy. And I instantly got that and I didn't bite that steak bake properly. And that has got chicken semen in and I'm not about it. I did tell you about the chicken though. Two out of 10 for the steak bake. Disqualified the chicken

because of that nasty shit. However, Gregs, just so you don't sue us, seven out of ten on the sausage rolls. Are you going to finish that? Look at him. What a good boy. Yeah.

Hit the button. Nice. What's happening, ladies and gentlemen? Time to tell you about my absolute favourite sponsor, NordVPN. The best VPN in the game. It will up your internet security

and give you the privacy you'd have to search for whatever you like with this no one's gonna know adam you think i'd know better after all these many years of being sponsored by nord but i do not know what a vpn is a vpn is a way to up your internet security as i said and also you can change your location to anywhere on the planet so as i've to you before, it's mad that you keep forgetting this. The Premier League season is back upon us. Is it? And a lot of the games kick off at 3 o'clock, and they're not broadcasting in the UK.

Do they? But if you tell your computer, hey, I'm not in the UK. I'm in Mozambique on my annual trip. Do you know what I mean? It'll be like, oh, well, we'll show you the Mozambique broadcast of Liverpool against Bournemouth this weekend, for example. You know what I mean? If you sign up at nordvpn.com, what's our promo code state?

Nordvpn.com slash have a word. There's an exclusive deal. You'll get four months free if you take the two-year package. Honestly, if you get a VPN, you never go back. I put it off for years. Carl was always telling me to get one. I didn't get one. I did get one.

I got a NordVPN. It is the best thing I pay for every single month, and it opens up your internet to all kinds of interesting possibilities. Go and do it now. You will not regret it. You nailed that. You know the way people say

you never regret going for a workout, but you feel anxious about going for it in the first place? I understand it's new the way people say you never regret going for a workout but you feel like anxious about going for it in the first place. I understand. It's new to you. But you never regret the workout and you're not going to regret the VPN either. That worked, didn't it? That's an analogy. You nailed it. And the extra bit. Nod!

Hey! Part two of four. How many? Four parts. You're wrong. It's part three of five. I don't reckon that last bit counts You're wrong. It's part three of five. I don't reckon that last bit counts as a part. It's just you being a fucking... Brave little soldier. Thank you. Good save.

You ate a full sausage roll. Well done. No, you still got like two thirds of it there. Yeah. You never eat a whole one. Well done for trying though. Thank you. I'm proud of you.

Thanks. We've got some prep, Finn. Yeah, we do. Oh, Finn's doing it. You've written us another quiz, mate. Yeah. Oh, that doesn't go out until next week, does it?

No. Oh, wait until you see Finn's quiz that he wrote for us on the Patreon. Ah, the effort and time he put into it and attention to detail. Good one, eh?

Lots of attention to detail. We've got a few questions. This one's from Henry Sadler. Wag-wag lids. Question for you. In Pompeii, obviously all the victims of the volcano eruption were encased in ash-like statues with one fellow This one's from Henry Sadler. Wagwag Lids. Question for you. In Pompeii, obviously, all the victims of the volcano eruption were encased in ash-like statues

with one fellow frozen in time mid-wank. If you had to be in one position or doing one thing... Whoa, whoa. Was there actually someone in position mid-wank? Yeah. Oh, he's having a strangle wank.

So, if you had to be in one position or doing one thing when a volcano erupts, knowing archae if you had to be in one position or doing one thing when a volcano erupts, knowing archaeologists would find you years in the future, how would you be? I'm going to Pompeii next week.

Oh, nice. Isn't that mad? I'd do the Air Jordan. That would be safe. That's a good one. Yeah, that's a good one. That's why you should always, if you live near a volcano,

have a trampoline close to you. Because I can't get that kind of height. No. What is it? He's flying, isn't he? Yeah, he is. He was good, wasn't he? Best.

Better than LeBron. I'll just do this. Make it look like I was just eating pussy until I died. Stutter. But there'd be no one there with a pussy would there

so what it just looks like the blast blew us apart but I just I'd pretend to be the gay guy that had his dick out getting licked out

oh it's that one isn't it you're getting a blowy you look sick forever yeah we thought this young man was eating pussy at the point of the explosion can they tell from your skull

like what the look on your face was like you'd also have to get yourself hard what you'd have to get yourself hard why because the guy

had his hard dick in his hand yeah and that's what's encased why would he have to get himself hard no someone said

it was him getting a blow job when the volcano just starts having a wank and put your lamb behind to be fair though if you're doing

the you know the kiss of joy you usually have a boner don't you scrambling pussy nice nice nicely

deaf touch there I don't know what you meant right next one this is from Jack Tyson Tyson

fucking great name Tyson if you could enhance a show using drugs, sex, or alcohol, what show would you pick and what would you call it? Think antiques roadshow, but people giving the valuations are high on heroin. Mine would be Dancing on Spice. I mean, he's wrote Dancing on Spice.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's happened there? He's been watching Dancing on Spice. Someone's done like a bad move and he's gone, fucking hell, more like Dancing on Spice and his mate's gone,

he's gone, fucking hell, that was funny that one. I'm going to write into my favourite podcast the question based on this. Play your cards, shite. Everyone's on the shite. That would be fun though.

Brucie's like, yeah, just the same. Is that what you do when you're on the shite? Is foresight higher or lower? Everyone's on pot. You take overs and downers, you like tired all over everyone's on pot you take all of us and down

you gotta guess who's on what coked up catchphrase would be good that'd be yeah yeah say what you see I'd like to see

all news both national and local plus the weather on like pissed news would be great you have to present to do the news you have to be past like what you know on a breathalyzer yeah you have to be fucking steaming

i'd love that that would be a news that i'd tune in for on the chase you know there's three offers the middle one is you have a line of cat each the higher offer is you have two lines of cat and they don't have any and the bottom one is they have two lines of ket and they don't have any. And the bottom one is they have two lines of ket and you don't have any. Yeah, ketamine. That's good, that. Because, you know, if they're kennied in, you're going to win the last show. I'm taking the minus off there, but look at the fucking state of Paul's in it. I won't say it.

What other ones? Oh, I've gone off. You okay, Kyle? You've unplugged yourself, have you? Oh, don't do that, babe. Plug your send back in. What else, sister? The cube.

But everyone's part of them. Yeah, I think we're done with that question. Right, we've got some simple pleasures. Everyone's favourite section. Pleasures in the weekend. everyone's favourite section it's dirty it's dirty man it's fucking what is it horse bevvies

isn't it yeah it's horse bevvies famously it's fosters for hosses fosters hosses. Fossers? Hostess? What are they now?

It's it, you pick. Coming out of a KO is a special type of hell. Coming out of it? Yeah, as you... If you go too hard on it, like you are piecing back reality bit by bit. I was with somebody... And you come out and you go...

I was at a house party with somebody who was on it. I'd be getting a taxi home bit by bit. I was with somebody. And you come out and you go, what? I was at a house party with somebody who was on it. And we were getting a taxi home. It was 6am. It was light. And he went, lad, we can't go. I went, why? He went, I haven't got my hair.

I went, what? He went, lad, I haven't got my hair. I can't go. I was like, person's name. Your hair's on your head. We need to go. He's like, I'm not leaving, lad. I haven't got my hair.

And I just ran back into the house so he just got in the taxi and left yeah no it's a real it's a real messy drill yeah it's not the one like there's good ones

where you're like I mean people don't like them but there's ones where you're like I feel great I want to talk I want to dance yay

you're my best mate let's chat about this thing that isn't important for fucking three hours and you come away going that was really fun there's a downside to it eventually ketamine is if you have a little bit you can feel a bit floaty if you have a little bit more you are in a different fucking realm joke that one for me i don't know what it is a drug that like do you know if i was like dating someone and they were like oh i do coke regularly that

would be it i've always said it's like an ick for me that's not I don't know whether I could deal with that but I think for the right person I'd push past that like especially if they were like I don't really do it anymore or whatever if they were like oh I have regularly done cat I think that would be

yeah they're always a bit dirty that would be that would be we can't cat is like, like the uni, uni now is mainly, Ket is the chosen drug. Yeah, it's just not. But it's cheap

and it's to get wrecked. Can you get on the Kenny and go out though? You can't drink alcohol and do Ket. You'll make yourself bad. What's the point in it? Cause it's,

sounds awful. Cause there's, like it's like going to someone oh i like having a fucking cocktail once in a while and you're like yeah some people like doing drugs like that if i met a girl for different reasons i'd have to be wary of someone who's like yeah i like getting on the coke but people you know people we know people who who are like yeah once in a while i'll have a bit and you're like yeah fair enough it's you're into it i'm not that's not the same with those like really stronger getting wrecked drugs yeah that's for people who are like i want to be twatted that's like someone that's like someone going

i get out straight away and i'm trying to have a shot of absinthe or something you're like why oh yeah what are you trying to talk how how bad is stuff that you need to be that obliterated yeah yeah if i was dating someone they would have like full-blown head of an addict that's a that's a red flag yeah quite try it though yeah why would you try it though i've never really talked about it we should bring that up we should do it as a podcast question yeah it's so much time you've asked that it's north of 20. yeah how many times

have you asked that it's north of 20 oh well yeah right so this first simple pleasure is from Theo

Paphitis um the dragon yeah uh he says easy joke no

no that's the fact that's Stelios Giannacopoulos that's the that's the Bolton player all those Greeks

Theo Paphitis is Rhyman's yeah yeah he's dragon Nick Kyrgios I don't know why it's not called Paphitis to be honest yeah quite Nick Curio I don't know why it's not called

Paphesis quite difficult to say why is it Ryman you're going to print that don't you

you need to go to the Paphesis on the high street what Paphesis on the high street or Theo's

see it's a pizza gap I think Ryman works well I'm going to Theo's What are you getting?

Pepperoni? Margherita? Just getting some printing done I love it when Dan doesn't come with us You know Come on Dan's on the beach on Tenerife there On the beach?

So When you Simple pleasure When you go to the tip and throw your rubbish as hard and as far as you can into those massive skids

from a distance as well and you the fellas watching you're like you couldn't do that you look maggot I do that bosh

over the metal fences like from the boot of your car into the thing oh simple pleasure cardboard a fridge fuck it

yeah what there's something about throwing into the wood bit that I like the bang of it. Simple pleasure, going the tip. Fucking hell, mate. Oh, no, but when there's a queue. No, I told you they time me.

6pm on Sundays. Off-peak times. Yeah, 6pm Sundays is when I go, oh, the tip is a gaff. Yeah. Nice. David Hartley, feeling a big bogey in your nose

and picking it perfectly first time yeah that's good have you just been saving the good ones up for weeks is that what's been

going on bogeys no the fucking simple pleasures that's two in a row I don't think we've ever done this with two in a row

that I've clapped I think you're gonna relate to this one as well Tommy Evans simple pleasure when you're having a conversation with someone and not

actually listening they ask you to repeat what you said and they get it right oh yes not quite like that but like when someone when you sort of manage to just about piece enough to get there to reply you've heard a few words you go yeah i can like they're going you know me mom and your baby and colic and spitting up blood. That sounds like a really awful week. Like, are they going to be okay? And they're like, yeah, you know.

And from their reply, you know that your reply made sense to the fucking shit they said that you weren't listening to. Be honest, Adam. This is every day of your life. Oh, yeah. If you, by the way,

can hear baby. At the fringe, how are you? And then they tell me oh they are what are they doing yeah sound and then fucking shut up don't tell me how your year's been you weird cunt yeah if someone if you say someone I like... I haven't seen you for ages! Yes, by design! My stock answer is I can imagine, yeah. That works with everything. Even when you've heard baby and spitting up blood?

And I go, it's awful. Yeah, yeah, I can imagine, yeah. Yeah, it's awful. I can imagine, yeah. Bam, there's the answer. It's the answer to everything. They have to have said it's awful. Mass murder, three shootings. I can imagine the baby.

My baby's spitting up blood. I can imagine, yeah. Join the French Legion get on the cat that young mate I can imagine yeah my baby's

not going to survive yeah I can imagine yeah why can you imagine I can't I just say things if you're not listening to that conversation

by the way come on she's going to die I can imagine yeah right last one from Lisa If you're not listening to my conversation, by the way, come on. I'm just going to die. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Right. Last one from Lisa.

Just thought I would give you a woman's simple pleasure to mix it up a bit. Not sure if it's the same for a man, but the first wee you have after an orgasm. It's a nightmare for men. Is she messing? I think we've done. I think we've done. We've mentioned this before.

Yeah, but. It's a nightmare for men. Because you've still got your fucking've done, I think we've done, we've mentioned this before. Yeah, but we're going to the wall. It's a nightmare for men. Because of the boner. Because you've still got your fucking, your chubby little willy on. Your chonk on. Your chonk on. It feels great though.

Sometimes I just get in my shower when I need a wee like that. Yeah. Just so I can just piss freely. On the wall. Yeah. Yeah. Merging lanes is hard.

Yeah. Because you've got the cum lane open. You need to open the piss lane. You have to like. Yeah. And then it comes. Oh, but it feels nice though. It feels like satisfying. The last bit of your cum is still sat there at the junction where it's in the keystone. You have to like... Yeah. And then it comes... Oh, but it feels nice, though. It feels, like, satisfying, but it's...

The last bit of your cum is still sat there at the junction where the Tinder keys are on. Go on, can I come out? And your piss is like, fuck, I'm coming here, mate. And then they're both like... Who's coming here?

Your cum lets them out. Go on, then. Right, some pet peeves. We don't have a jingle for this, do we? Pet peeves. No, can it just be... Oh, that's another pet peeve that all right this one's from harry this is a a few a few parts this one

uh one side note that was my impression of don it's a good one when you try your best but you don't succeed when you get what you want but not what you need oh you've read the emails when you feel so tired but you can't sleep all of those things are annoying yeah if your car's stuck in reverse and you've got somewhere to be nightmare especially in sheffield so first one from matt lambert getting dirt or food on a t-shirt just after putting it on yeah oh my good god fuck off that's why i don't wear white t-shirts on my first date with my uh missus last year i um i got so sweaty and i had a thin white t-shirt on she doesn't even know this, by the way.

Like someone will send her this this week and she'll find this out for the first time. I got so sweaty in a thin white t-shirt that it looked like I'd spilled something on myself. So when she arrived at the bar, I told her someone had spilled a drink on me and that I wanted to go to the shop and buy a new t-shirt for me when I did.

And threw my t-shirt in the bin. Nice. That's a good save. Now, what happened with the sweat after that? Did you just calm down? I bought a thicker t-shirt so that the sweat... Ooh! Because the reason it was so visible is because of how thin the t-shirt was. Was it summer or was it nerves? It was

hot, yeah. Right, okay. He doesn't get nervous. I don't know. He won't get nervous on a date. He's not nervous on stage. It was hot. She was hot. It's't get nervous. I don't know. He might get nervous on a date. He's not nervous on stage. It was hot. She was hot. It's a bad combo. It was just a really hot day.

One of those days that out of nowhere, it's just a hot one. Why didn't you say that when she walked in? Why? Why didn't you say that exact line when she walked in? Why? It's just a hot day. One of those days where you don't expect it.

I just didn't expect it. She's an incredible woman. Makes me sweaty go on it wasn't actually oh oh right okay time for the change

it wasn't actually our first date it was like our third or fourth date actually right okay now that I'm thinking about it yeah

October last year unseasonably warm yeah okay late October I think Finn decided to be the adjudicator yeah I'm gonna give you that still warm late October I think Finn decided to be the adjudicator yeah I'm going to give you that still warm October

Jake Oldham says my pet peeve is when you send a text and the person rings to reply no I like that no you don't I don't text any if I want information I will ring you

I want to email you or text you i am so impatient that i want to that's the biggest difference between you two isn't it in your friendship is i don't think you just don't want to be on the phone no i don't want to be on the phone but if i text them something that i think surgeons and he replies six hours later i'm just pissed off i'd rather go yeah that's answer that and 10 seconds i know the answer i like that Carl doesn't mind a phone call. It's nice.

I like a phone call. But what he's saying is you text me and go like, do you want to play 40 tonight? And I ring you and go

I'll play 40. Oh yeah, that's annoying I suppose. That's what this is, isn't it? Right, okay. He's not saying people

who ring me to ask me important information. He's saying you text someone and they ring you to give you an answer. Oh, we all know someone like that. Loves phone calls.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I like ringing all the people that work for this company and any comedian mates I've got that are under a certain age. I love ringing them just to be that old guy. I quite like a phone call. Matthew, do it to you all the time. I quite like a phone call.

I love it when your aunt's like, what is this? I love it. I don't like a phone call. You don't, Finn? No. God, you're a fucking maverick. You phone me sometimes. Yeah.

Yeah. Me and Dan love a phone call. Don't we? Nice. We're all just having phone parties, aren't we? Can't wait for that phone call on Sunday. What time are you getting it?

You don't need to. I'll be in yours. Oh, yeah. This is from Callum, last one. When you order food... By the way, for those who don't know,

because that again was on yesterday's episode which isn't going out until next week. These two are having a gathering on Sunday while I'm away. Carl is going to go

and meet his son with his fucking girlfriend or whatever she is and they're going to have a lovely little day. She is real by the way. I swear to God I'm going to ruin their day. The amount of shit that's being sent to your house on Sunday.

Yeah, you threatened to send bouncy castles. I'm going to send so many bouncy castles. And Chinese food. No, don't do that. Oh, yeah, I'm going to send the stuff that you want. You told me you want bouncy castles now. There'll be no bouncy castles. Oh, I hate bouncy castles.

Don't. Skips. Do you like skips? Don't send any strippers. Not for crisps. Send skips, though. I'm sending landscapers, roofers. Roofers?

I know one. It'll be there in no time. Hello, Dad, I'm actually upstairs. I'm not going to have any gathering with your close friends, but there's pigeons everywhere. This one's from Callum, last one. When you order food and some of it's missing, especially when it's a group order

and your food is the only one they've fucked up. Oh, it's pet peeves, isn't it? That makes me homicidal. Simple pleasure is when yours is fine. Someone goes, he's where's me burger? I don't know, mate. You have to do that like, oh, do you want a bit of, no, you don't want a bit of mine?

No, okay, nobody. That Glasgow Nando's where Will Hutch, I'd finished my Nando's and Will hadn't got his totally forgot it that's more of a simple pleasure when you get yours you feel

oh gosh right let's do one bit of advice oh god he's so commanding isn't he I can't wait for Sunday it's going to be so nice stop saying it to her Here to help. Here to help. I'll solve your problems. I'll tell you the best thing to do. I can't wait for Sunday. It's going to be so nice.

Stop saying it to her. I'm not trying to rub it in. I am. She's not allowed to control everything. I'm here, aren't I? I'm here today. That's the main thing. Have I just sausage roll?

I will control it from afar. Don't you worry. I'm glad you're still having a nice day together. Fucking control freak. Wait until you see what is coming your way oh none no goal trouble i'm gonna do a rain dance this is in edinburgh i think i'll be quite successful send it to the fucking wherever you live no over there keep going

this is from matt lids i think i've made a grave mistake and i need your advice met a girl on hinge lovely lady kind of bird you bring home to your mom so i did things are going well so we say fuck it let's move in together so we do first night i decided to make her a lasagna being the romantic gentleman that i am and she smothers it in Heinz saucy sauce. Stephen! Stephen Wolfe. I say, hey, what the hell? Maybe it's a one-off. Next night, I make it a toad in the hole and once again, out comes the sauce.

It's been a week and I'm beginning to think I'm living with a serial killer because we've already gone through two bottles of the stuff. He's already living with her? Yeah. Because she clearly has a problem, Tarlet. Hang on, what's Heinz Sausage Sauce? Tomatoes.

Is it just ketchup? Oh, right. Okay, I thought it was a special... Ketchup on a toad in a hole is mental. What's toad in a hole? It's sausages and gravy in a Yorkshire pudding. I don't like ketchup. Oh, yeah, sorry.

I had it this morning. You don't like ketchup? No. It's such a basic thing to not... You're wrong, you do. No, I don't. It's just so easy to... Like, I don't love it. I's such a basic thing to not you're wrong you do no I don't it's just so easy to like I don't love it

I have it very sparingly yeah but you can't not like it there's nothing to not like about it you're lying I do just not like it

you do like it you're lying well what do you have what could you have on garlic mayo right garlic mayo on a toad in a hole that would be worse

yeah wow that's like catch fire what do you have on a Toad in a Hole? That would be worse. Wow. That's like catch fire. What do you have on a bacon butty? I used to have brown sauce. I just got into it. Steve has soju, the petty sauce in Nando's. Steve puts ketchup on his Nando's.

Steve mixes that with ketchup, the petty sauce. You do. You put it on the same plate and you mix it together. Yeah. He doesn't mix it. Do you know what? If he mixed it, I'd hate it you mix together. Yeah, he doesn't mix it. It looks mixed. Do you know what? If he mixed it, I'd hate it less.

Because then he's making like a petty ketchup. I'd respect that. But what he does is, he has two separate dipping bits. He's like, oh, I'll have a bit of petty sauce with this bit and a bit of ketchup with this bit. Psychopath behaviour. You can stop doing this with your hands and clapping yourself. You're a fucking weirdo.

And it nearly cost you your job at this company. I'm not going to lie to you. So how does Matt broach this with his lady? You just tell her to stop being a fucking knobhead. Why does he care? Because she... You know the feeling you get when Steve gets that ketchup out in Nando's? It bothers you, doesn't it?

I've seen it. Yeah. It bothers you. Imagine he was your wife. If he was eating toad in the hole. Yeah. I'd be like, do whatever you want, lad,

it's shite anyway. What's your favourite meal? Mexican. Mexican. So if they put loads of ketchup on a Mexican, who's they?

Your missus. Your missus. If she did it. Your missus, Steve. I'd write into a podcast for you, but you know. This guy.

I don't know, it's weird, isn't it? I don't know. I had a lovely creamy chicken and mushroom pasta last night and I allowed any food this week that doesn't

I can't put anything in my mouth coloured that would stay in a white t-shirt right because your teeth oh that's next week innit

because your toothy we've not talked about that since next week finish me in this line you can't think sweat what what was that?

Fuck you. But while the capping of the meat teeth settles, you can't have anything that stains. I can't have coffee for the week. Can't have tea. Can't have any drink apart from Walsall or Diet Lemonade. It's a matter. It's a rough life.

You all right? It's the only sauce I can have is I've done 42 years of that mayonnaise do you like mayo Dan? yeah it's alright

I'm on a chicken burger it's like come do you find with condiments you're fine with all kinds of condiments no I'm fine with three condiments maybe

and butties honestly like this message like she's such a weirdo you're like like to date some people you've got to be more chilled out if you really love someone if you does it matter what she put they put on the food like if you're into this person does do you give a shit like if you live

i would get secondhand embarrassment if i went for a mexican and someone put ketchup on all their tacos i'd be like, I just can't. I feel like the whole restaurant's looking at us. You psychopath. Yeah. I sent you a natural recipe last night, Dan. Did you see it? No. Oh, thanks.

For Sunday. I'll make it up. It wasn't for Sunday. It was just for you. All right, great. Right, we've got another... Clip it. We've got another bit of advice.

This is from Anonymous. Hello, Lids. I was setting an Amazon device up this week and I realised my ex-girlfriend's Echo device is still linked to my account. Now, we broke up back in 2020, so my question is, should I just unlink the device from my account?

If not, how do I fuck with her through the Echo? I mean, you broke up with her three years ago. It's time to let it go, innit? Just unlink her. Unless she was three weeks and she dumped you. Let's say, hypothetically, she was a bellend. Oh, then yeah. She was shagging rugby teams.

What? She was shagging rugby, like, sail sharks every week. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay. The whole team? Yeah, including the backroom staff. That's what she calls us.

You know, she's letting the postman poo in the backroom staff that's what she calls us you know she's letting the postman poo in her backroom stuff in the back office yeah how do you fuck with that amazon I just reach

you can put alarms on you can speak through it oh we haven't done this in a while Alexa set an

alarm for 3.30am okay Google ring the police and that's why we're such podcasters when i i know i tried to phone an ambulance on on an alexa when i was i'd gone too far on an edible there's that's happened multiple times and i tried to phone an ambulance and it started playing my chemical romance I was fuming I was honestly dying on the toilet I'd thrown up and I'd shit everywhere what strength was the edible?

too strong we'd made them that's the rookie mistake I just had it this isn't hitting I'm going to smoke a joint were you pooing were you pooing in the toilet and being sick or being sick on the toilet?

It was separate times. So I'd done both. And I was on like death's door. I went, Alexa, call an ambulance. And it went, my chemical romance. At that point, my uni like flatmates came in. And apparently, I don't remember this at all. I looked at them and went, technology.

I'm so pro-NHS, but there should be some sort of twat tax or surcharge for having to call an ambulance out because you had a strong edible. Like, I wouldn't be against that if they were like, cool, listen, fucking Mildred down the road has just fallen over because she's dead old, but you were

like, I took a very strong drug. If you bloody get an ambulance in this bloody broken Brexit world mate six hours you wait if you're lucky if you're lucky around are we

me nan was in the back garden the day and she fell over and six weeks you waited and me left the day the other day my nan's been in the back garden for three months

two weeks with an ambulance and she died six years ago so just don't fuck with her. Let it go because it's three years ago. But how can you fuck with her? Set alarms. Yeah, set alarms. Order shit.

Can you order shit? Oh shit, no. It's his Amazon, isn't it? So it's just through the device. Just play annoying music. Laura's gone. Do it. Okay, Alexa, play Laura's Gone by Finley Kay.

It's by Havowood Pod. by Havowood Pod by Havowood Pod you heard shall we have a break go on Alexa set an alarm for 6.01am enjoy that one

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Don't be a fucking rat. Oh. Welcome to part three of this week's episode. Or four. He's not having it. That little bit's not a part. I've named it on the computer as part three. It's your fault. Who's in charge who's here kate ballinger

thank you case thanks for coming yeah i know i know i know yeah we've tried to get this to happen a few times i know just but you've been traveling the world in your yacht and your jet oh totally yeah just hanging out with billionaires who hang out in submarines and just wanting to take all their cash. You know, that's how I live my life. Well, thank you for, you know, making time in your submarine, jet, yacht schedule. Do I give off the impression that I have money? Because I very much do not. No, I don't.

Am I white trash? That is what I am. I'm like real legitimate white trash. Are you really yeah yeah yeah grew up like in a very like working class like my dad worked he's a fisherman from newfoundland worked on oil rigs oh shit why you know the musical come from away yeah i that's like those are my people my dad knows everyone in the musical yeah it, it's like my favorite. Why do you love it? I love coming from Hawaii. It's amazing.

I love talking about it. I know I was so proud to see it, like as a Canadian and as a Newfie. But yeah, that's my dad. So when he gets really drunk, he talks like them again. You never heard of Newfie? Newfie?

When you're from Newfoundland? You're a Newfie. You're a Newfie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what they call dogs. And if they breed in Newfoundland with a poodle, it's a Newfie poo. A Newfie poo?

Is that real? It is. I've never heard that before, but... It's a Newfie poo. A Newfoundland crossbred with a poodle is a Newfie poo. Well, even when the poodle is a poo. It's a Newfie poo. A poo shit's the best, isn't it?

A poo shit is the best. Or a shit poo. You know what? Poo shit. Shit too in a poodle, though. Yeah. I got it. I was following it.

But yeah, I love that musical it's so fucking and the music is just fun and this the story that the Newfies like actually they legitimately did all that they're the nicest people ever

they're just fucking cool but yes I'm my dad's Newfie so just talk me through it so uh Alexander Hamilton was flying a plane in 9-11 yeah

and it got landed in uh Newfoundland killed a poodle yeah and then they had to survive there yeah

and also invent democracy in the north of America what you've done there Dan is a very common misconception you've confused two musicals

no it's Alexander Hamilton the first black pilot was that it? that's the one with I'm going to shop in it the joke that I did

yeah yeah yeah Alexander Hamilton is the star of Hamilton oh first black pilot i'm going to shop in it the joke that i did i like on the hamilton is the start of hamilton oh i've never seen hamilton i'm obsessed with me are you like a musical person yeah i didn't picture that for you yeah some people don't i'm i'm as mad of a mad as a box of frogs me case people i just feel like people can't read me you type who I would take to a musical and you'd be like, what the fuck is all this singing and dancing? You'd get up and storm out of here.

That's these cunts. That's these cunts. Say it. He takes his love for football, but he takes that energy that he takes on the cop when he goes and watches Liverpool, two musicals,

like, Hamilton, Hamilton. He gets really into it. I like the Nazi salute you were doing there. That's a whole different thing. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hamilton. Yeah, yeah, yeah. really into it. I like the Nazi salute you were doing. That's a whole different thing. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hamilton. Cut that out. Just edit that out with a blur.

No one will notice. Can that not be the thumbnail? It's the thumbnail, isn't it? Yeah, Come From Away is about the planes that landed in Gander, Newfoundland on 9-11. And they had to live there for a few days. New Gander or old Gander? Keep going.

You have to look around first. Yeah. Do you know when I first seen the play, I thought the accent was so strong on the people that they were saying Canada wrong as Gander. Oh, no. Because everyone from Newfoundland is Irish, right? Irish, but also from Bristol.

Yeah, well, they're all like sort of like, yeah, they're like lots of Ireland. All my grandparents are Irish. So they came over and then they just like live, they literally live on a fucking rock in the middle of the Atlantic. And they've just been left to their own devices. So they're like, fuck it, we'll become fishermen.

Yeah. Yeah, I love that you're singing it. What's your favorite musical? No, I love this. This is not the chat I expected, but I'm here for it, guys. We're going gonna talk Barbie we're gonna talk

whatever Barbie's great oh my god yes guys you know what go out and say that to some women you'll get your dick sucked

so fucking fast I've seen Hamilton four times you've seen Hamilton four times that's your favorite yeah I haven't seen it yet

I need to I've seen that four times I've seen your one I've seen your whole one that you wrote the Book of Mormon yeah Book of Mormon's so good and I've seen that four times. I've seen your one. I've seen... Your one. The Book of Mormon. Yeah.

Book of Mormon's so good. And I've seen... Dear Evan Hansen. Dear Evan Hansen. Oh, Dear Evan Hansen's great. I've seen Pride. What's Pride? Is it called Pride?

Stomp. Rent. Rent. Yeah, maybe it's called Rent. It's the one about the Jewish guy who gets framed for murder. Show us that redemption. I don't know. I've seen the Phantom of the Jewish guy who gets framed for murder Shorchlight Redemption I don't know I've seen

The Phantom of the Opera have you yeah Pride the musical yeah I think I saw the Teletubbies live that went out

how was that pretty good who was your favourite Teletubby the purple one do you not know their names Tinky Winky find out what he's in right now

I mean we were there for my daughter at the time yeah sure she was 19 she was still your daughter but now though isn't she yeah yeah yeah you're right why are we researching musicals if you play golf i'm fucking going home you don't play golf parade i'm a white woman of course i play golf you can see how no i i i'm not good i've played golf and i've gone to i like I love a driving range and I have played golf but I get I can do like a par three

for like nine holes and then I just get really bored and I'll like throw my ball and just drink in the while I drive the cart around well that sounds good so I can yeah I'll just like more

start fucking around but I love the driving range it's so fun like that I love doing that but yeah I'm a white lady I play tennis and golf like obviously cool

you like tennis we never had that tennis match actually me and you tennis is so fun it's still on it's good still on are you a tennis what do you play are you like a sports never had that tennis match actually me and you this is so fun it's good are you what do you play what are you like a sports person he plays the oboe yeah fuck i'm i'm the flautist i can see that and i flaunt it um what do i play nothing nothing really no sports i'll have a go at most things he plays cocaine yeah well i don't so did i back when i

was a party girl but i'm not a party girl anymore. No, I'm different as well now. Did you used to be a party girl? Major fucking party girl. I was a hot mess. I was the kind of girl that would show up at like a comedy club and be like,

I'm funny. I'm going to talk up and be like an annoying cunt who people want to kill. And now I would just punch my younger self. I was awful. Did you used to actually

go to comedy clubs or were you just I used to go to comedy. No, no, no. I used to go to comedy clubs. And ruin the show. No, I never really ruined the show because I was too in awe of what was happening. But I was like, I was a through and through party girl.

Like if I was having one drink, I was having 10 and we'd be out till 10 o'clock in the morning. Were you a woo girl? You know what a woo girl is? A noofy woo. Like a... Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's racist. Surely.

Come on. A noofy woo poo. A noofy woo poo. Yeah. A noofy woo poooo that's my name yeah a woo girl someone who's like you know when the shots come over to the table they will yeah no i've got a tray of shots when the camera pans around they're all going no i was never a woo girl i was too fat i was just trying to go like this in the corner. But my trick to get free shots at a bar, if you see someone at a bar ordering a bunch of drinks,

especially if it's a dude, you go up and you're like, oh my God, thank you so much. And you go to take their shot and they're like, oh, okay, yeah, I guess. So we'll get one more. I'm like, thanks. My friends and I always used to do that and just get- Women are so manipulative.

Oh mate, what? You know exactly how to play us like suck and manipulation. I'm literally just stealing a shot. No, you're clever. You're a shot you're clever you're clever with your noofy poo tits and take a shot I'm manipulated now

I bought ten there is now nine you're drinking one I'm fucking baffled I'll have to buy another no that is manipulation because she's stealing it

no I'm doing it in front of your face so that's you dumb yeah it's manipulation it's making you buy another one I'm doing it in front of your face so that's you dumb. Yeah, it's manipulation. It's making you buy another one. That's not just stealing. Stealing is doing it

on the sly. Oh, he hasn't given you enough shots there. She is looking the man in the eyes and going, that's mine now, you stupid cunt. And having the drink

and then he's going off. I don't see anything wrong with this. That feels like female empowerment to me. He thinks, I've got a chance here. She's into me.

Whoa, call me a stupid cunt. Yeah. I mean, to be fair, I was also pretty slutty when I was younger, so I probably would have sucked a dick for a shot. Have you seen Barbie?

Yeah, exactly. What shot though? Like what level of shot? Um, what do you mean? What level? Just any shot.

You're sucking dick for Sambuca. No, no, no, no. Oh yeah, I do like Sambuca.

No, my, my like, if I do a shot of Jack Daniels, I'm like lights out, see you tomorrow. Like that's my, if I'm doing a shot of Jack at a bar,

I'm done. I feel like it's a very North American thing, like a shot of Jack. Yeah. That's not, like I- Would you not do that here? No, no. Whiskey shots over here are a rare scene thing.

North American, if you order a whiskey with, like, no ice, like a shot of whiskey, they give you it in a shot glass, don't they? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like over here, if I go up and say, can I just have a Jack Daniels? You get it in a high glass don't they yeah yeah yeah like over here if I go up and say can I just have a Jack Daniels you get it in a highball glass yeah or a rocks glass

yeah even if there's no ice in it they just serve it in that yeah but in America if you just two Jack Daniels they give you it in a shot

I very rarely in all my booze have seen a shot of whiskey in the UK it just doesn't really happen no we were in Nashville and it was like

the first night there was shots out and it was whiskey was it different yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah sambuca or some of the just like the sugary fucking party shots that was that was yeah i don't mind actually aftershock remember aftershock yeah apple sours heavy i love an apple sour taste good cherry sours woo are you guys little woo girls that's so cute

yeah I love that I'll suck a dick for any shot me that's what he's like what he's like like mother like son yeah

was this in was this in Newfoundland or was this in Vancouver where you from no this was like in Vancouver and then when I moved to Toronto

but mostly in Vancouver when I so I grew up in Vancouver and then moved to Toronto like 10 years ago. See, in my head, because I know Canada is so big. But when people talk about like Vancouver and Toronto, and even the other one, Montreal, they're about an hour and a half away from each other in my head. Yeah, totally.

How far is Vancouver from Toronto? It's like a six hour flight. Right, okay. So you're going, it's basically, if you can conceptualize the States, Toronto is New York and Vancouver is California, like LA. Right.

Okay. So you're going New York. So some like Ishan was just there and he's a fucking idiot. And he's like, oh, I'm in Toronto for the week. Maybe I'll pop over to Vancouver for a day and come back. And we're like,

it'll be 12 hours round trip and a three hour time trip. Egypt. The Middle East. Egypt, six hours. Fucking hell. I think that is how long it takes

to get to Dubai, isn't it? Yeah, seven hours to Dubai. Seven hours Dubai. Yeah. But it's real and that's the thing why it's hard doing comedy in Canada

because you can't just like bounce around in different cities and jump on a cheap train. So it's like a thousand dollar flight and a six hour flight. So the clubs can't afford to pay that. So most comics, you're either just working your region and you never leave that region unless you do a big, huge tour.

But then again, it's really expensive. You don't make a lot of money. Most comics there just have to go. I need to decide. Am I moving to the States or the UK? Yeah. Yeah. It is literally one of those two options.

Yeah. Yeah. You have to. And the States is so fucking expensive and hard to get a visa in. Yeah. I tried for that before here, but you're my silver medal love you guys and what do you think was uh the the worst situation you ended up in as a party girl uh there was a lot where i'm like i cannot believe i didn't die like a friend of mine and i we went to a daft punk concert in seattle and we were like hanging out

there this was i don't know even when this was we're hanging out we had a good time check out that new song by the way get lucky it's the sound of the summer isn't it yeah carry on so we went to this concert had a good time whatever and then we meet these guys in the parking lot outside of the concert and they tell us they're like do you want to continue and do like an after party and then we're like sure that sounds good you guys are cute and we just get into their car because they tell us they live in federal way which we assumed is like if you live in london and you're like oh i live in covent garden we just assumed it was like a neighborhood of seattle um it wasn't we got on the highway and they were

like wouldn't it be so funny if we raped and murdered you guys and we were in the car being like so funny that's so funny they did not um one of my friends ended up so glad that that had to go to edna that's the story of my trauma can we get into how far was federal way federal way it was a 45 minutes south of seattle on the highway so we ended up like in the middle of nowhere in this fucking weird town my friend ended up dating one of the guys i shot i don't know if i should talk about this anyway he was a really nice guy he wasn't able to come up to canada there were some prison things but he's a really nice guy and they didn't hurt us so it's a pretty good time but we would just if they were cute guys and like come to our house and party we have drugs we'd be like

okay say less we're in here's a question from the first half of today we were discussing you ever done ketamine no that's like the one drug one of the few drugs I've never done okay I've done a lot but never like heroin obviously I've never smoked like meth what did you do heroin

what no no no no I would never I would never I and I like I had like I used to do I don't know if I should talk about this

I used to do a little like you know cocaine here and there what whoa it's gonna ruin my rap on this podcast we don't talk about stuff like that i'll get kicked out of

the country i can't do that whoa whoa you know everybody on planet earth does cocaine doesn't tell anybody i didn't realize how big and low-key it was over here i met somebody and i was like that person is fucking mental and they're like they're a coke head i'm like oh thank god because if that was who they were like i would fucking kill myself having to be around them like some you know when some people you just meet them you're like i please to god i hope you're on drugs like or like you should kill yourself like that's too much it didn't used to be it was it feels like it's everywhere now it is if you go into town it is everywhere everywhere yeah the last five ten years has been such a massive... If you're in a bathroom in Liverpool, and there's more than two or three people in there,

and you go, has anyone got any coke? They'll have it. Yeah. 100%. Like, 100%. This is my first time in Liverpool, actually. Is it?

Yeah. Try it. Yeah, I'll go into the bathroom. I'm standing at Pret later today. What's up, everyone? How many coke? There will be some. Yeah, there'll be some mom with her baby

in there first time in Liverpool yeah my first time up here I've just never gigged here so I like basically because

I just started gigging as soon as I arrived over here I only go to cities if I have gigs and I've just never never happened to gig here 100%

yeah so I've been to like the biggest shitholes in this country but all because there's like some random gig there i'm gonna go if people pay me that's how you can get me to do anything you want just pay me

offer me a fee and i'll go anything we want yeah we we you know we record a lot of content and we will push that to its absolute limit push it i'm actually this is perfect i want to pay pig so get one of your do you guys know what a pay pig is oh yeah yeah yeah so i'm seeking a pay pig they pay women but the women are like you're a piece of shit send me money and they're like okay you're a goddess and they send money that's what i want that's what they want you know they literally get off on that because they have like the privilege women the privilege that is a women would never do that for men we have the opportunities why would we pay for you guys? You're disgusting. Exactly.

Shout out to all our female patrons. If you have a Patreon who's a pay pig, get in touch with me. DM me. You will get this though. I promise you. I mean, this is amazing. Good.

Give me money. I would love that. I'll treat you like shit. I'll fucking talk shit about you. It'll be great. Friend of the podcast, Steph Johnson, who goes by the the

name scouse bird blogs a few years ago she was a guest on the podcast and she mentioned that she'd sold like you know old pairs knickers and socks and stuff yeah and she got a lot of dms and that was when we were about a tenth of the size as we are now from lads just going look i listen to you don't have a word and how much are we talking here what can i buy will you sell things wait what so what what if i don't get any dms then what happens and that's the saddest fucking state yeah i've got to be honest if you get no dms from anyone i should kill myself yeah okay no woos that day no that day gave them a menu then what give them give them a menu no no no no because then they're like i'll have the uh two shoes uh two shoes sure you know what i'll sell my old stinky shoes you can have yeah i'll sell stuff sure i thought it was just knickers no no shoes no but you know that woman who used to sell

farts in a jar yeah that's a song isn't it like that yeah that is a song. That's a song in the summer. She got really sick from it because she was eating stuff to make her fart and it put her in the hospital because she was trying to do so many fart jars. Mate, you'd be fucking minted. Yeah. I don't think it'd just be farts in some of those jars, though. Here's a little bonus.

My control is not what it used to be. I didn't poo for a full 24 hours, did I? But you did. What? But it did happen yeah last night yeah it was like it would was backed up traffic to be honest did you accidentally eat fiber is that why you accidentally had a salad or something no there's no there's nothing on god's green earth case that regulates my stomach it is just its own do you have ibs yeah if you need hay and not on a change yeah nothing. Nothing. My doctor said it might not be IBS. It might be food poisoning.

And I was like, I don't think you can get food poisoning off crunchy cornflakes. Shouldn't you be skinnier if you keep shitting yourself? I eat a lot of stuff. Oh, like you should be, I wish I shit myself all the time.

People with IBS aren't just skinnier, are they? You know what I mean? But that's not fair. Isn't that the rule? It's not fair? Yeah. You should be skinny. I haven't drank for two and a half weeks and I've It's not fair? Yeah. You should be skinny.

I haven't drank for two and a half weeks and I've had a headache for three days. You know how pissed off I am with God? I'm like, this is not the trade-off I was expecting. I honestly expected if I did this long without a drink that I'd now be like in fucking ridiculous shape. I'd feel so much healthier. I expected to just fix all my problems.

But you're not drinking, but what are you eating and stuff? Do you know what? I'm eating twice a day at the minute sometimes three times sometimes four but what if you're going to fucking kfc three times a day i'm not doing that i have a couple of burgers from the city cafe in edinburgh but they're all right you know i mean it's just beef bit of cheese and bacon on it bread chips chips yeah things like that i mean i'm no one to talk about weight loss and all that shit but like you know i'm no one to call you fat but i'm not calling you fat dan what would you sell what what would you sell would you sell your lats you'd have to sell your glasses and your hat with like hats glasses sweaty though what are you buying the glass no but people would like because that's you're so

distinct with your glasses on that like yeah I was once in Elvis Costello's bedroom and his glasses were sitting on the nightstand and I almost stole them the shots are there shots are there whose dick can I suck

he wasn't in his bedroom at the time. Right. Okay. You can't say sentences like that on this show. Yeah. Without contextual. Did you bum Elvis Costello? No, no.

I was... He... Because he's married to Diana Krall. And I used to be an art dealer. And I went in to go appraise their artwork in their Vancouver home. To appraise it? To appraise the artwork. That's good, da.

See you later. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I appraise artwork. Elders, can I come down, lad? Hey, go on, na. Anyway, where's your glasses, lad? But he had his glasses sitting on the bedside table and I was like, I really want to steal these right now.

Because people would buy those. Like, yeah. Women are so manipulative, aren't they? So manipulative. They pose as art appraisers and then steal your glasses. People would buy those. Like, yeah. Women are so manipulative, aren't they? So manipulative. They pose as art appraisers and then steal your glasses. Do you want me to appraise your art in here? Yeah.

So like we would consider this decorative art. That's what we tell poor people when they bring in shitty things. Yeah. We go, oh, it's more decorative. So you enjoy it. Hey. No. Oh, mate. Dean did that.

There's an original John Charles over there, mate. It's beautiful oh yeah what about the painting it's lovely that's fine that's a picture of me and carl at leeds festival i know retro football tops i'd say the most valuable thing in here is the ishan one that was 12 pound yeah that was in rhyme he does not come does he come with it that looks like he's a mail order bride and he's for sale and that's the ad of the magazine be like do you want to buy this hairy bitch oh my god arrange weddings.com yeah do you want to buy this hairy bitch some man would do it some man there's there there's a

there's a shoe for every foot hairy bitch for sale oh i think he looks good he does look nice in that I did not know until really recently that he was like a trained Bollywood choreographer yeah he taught me some Bollywood choreography for a documentary he's very light on his feet

he taught us all some things he taught us a Bollywood dance and we danced in front of 10,000 people oh my god I love that that's very cool those dancers were so patient with us weren't they Bollywood dance and we danced in front of 10,000 people. Oh my god, I love that. That's very cool. Those dancers were so patient with us, weren't they? They were pro dancers. I think they were embarrassed by it. Even they got some of the

moves wrong. We showed them off with anything. How much was Elvis Costello's stuff worth? Was it good stuff? I cannot disclose that. It's so unprofessional, but you're a comedian now. I am a comedian. I'm not an actor was he has like a multi-million dollar art collection of like historical canadian and then indigenous art as well when you say you're an art

dealer right so here's my question your job was to sell art yeah i repped contemporary artists like younger artists or people who were still working and then we also had historical stuff of like artists who were long dead and then we'd sell it. So I would have a client roster. They'd come in, we'd work with them. We consult or I'd go to their home and then they're like, here's my new home I just built.

I need to fill the walls. This is the kind of vibe. Oh, so you're like an agent for up and coming artists. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There is a guy. No, that is exactly what it is.

Yeah. Except our fee was way higher. 50, 50 cut. What? 50, 50? 50, 50 for art dealers and artists yeah it's crazy what was your biggest ever sale um i i co-worked on a painting with the owner of a gallery and i think it was six and a half million and you got 3.25 million

the gallery did i and i got like a minuscule commission off that wow but he got yeah yeah because you're not it's not a profit either right because you're buying and selling it so it's like it's like flipping homes you don't when you sell a six million dollar home or something you're not making six million dollars because you bought it for whatever and it's like whatever it wasn't a new artist that was one of the historical ones yeah yeah exactly yeah yeah it's like all the big dogs sorry any have you ever seen any big dog ones like a Picasso or anything yeah yeah yeah we sold Picassos at the old gallery

I worked at we had a couple Picassos more like drawings some Warhols Rothko any Rothkos yeah yeah yeah nice

and some mostly Canadian artists though because it was like what we specialized in so mostly historical Canadian stuff that you guys

probably like would not have heard of did you ever sell like one that you know was a bit shit but like they got really like they were like we'll give you four million yeah and you're like that's worth

not for that much but i definitely sold shit once and they make oh my god i love it i'm like i know right like if somebody's gonna come in and be like loving it it's in their home not mine i mean art is subjective so like if they love it and they want to live with it then who am i to say like that's not my taste it's like music right the more you listen to the more your taste refines and gets developed so art's the same the more you see like music, right? The more you listen to, the more your taste refines and gets developed. So art's the same. The more you see, the more you go, oh, I kind of like this. This is the stuff I like.

So if someone comes in and goes, this is so my taste, so my style. I'm like, yeah, how about it? Are you still into art now? I love art. Yeah, I really do love it. And I have like pieces that artists have given me that are still back in Canada. Adam hates contemporary art. Do you like Tracey Emin's bed?

Um, like, so like the performance art and stuff like that some stuff i like some stuff i don't i like tracy emmons like neon stuff i think is cool what about the bed the bed like no i mean no like some of the stuff i don't really like also she's a fucking bitch i heard oh really yeah easy one as well she slapped somebody in an elevator why what she slapped somebody across the face in an elevator. Cause he was like, you didn't even fucking put any efforts in you stupid cunt. And she was like.

Like it was, she, yeah, she's, she's famously. A nightmare. Yeah. Yeah.

But I'm sure some artists. There's some comics that were like that. Is that a saying? Yeah. It is now. Is that a saying? Yes. Chewing a saying? Yes. Chewing a clit.

You're like... He's been sucking his dick for years. Yeah, I get that. Yeah, if I said, oh, you've been sucking Finn's dick for years, is it like you're like bigging him up, loving him up?

The female version of that is chewing a clit. No. No, I've never heard that. Because women love having their clit chewed. Famous Tracy Emin. Tracy Emin slapped that guy for not chewing her clit enough. Maybe. I've never had my clit chewed. Famous Tracy Emin.

Tracy Emin slapped that guy for not chewing her clit enough. Maybe. I've never had my clit chewed. I can honestly say that. You've been chewing her clit for years, you. Oh, my God. I love that bed. Mainly because it winds him up. That is enough for me to like a bit of art.

It's for him to be like, no, there's no skill. It's not a good painting. You can't even do horses, right? To be an artist, you've got to do a dead good horse. That's a fact. It's like when a chef has to be able to do good eggs. You can do a good horse.

Yeah, actually, no, for artists, it's hands. Can you paint hands accurately and proportionately? Those are notoriously the most difficult things to draw or paint are hands. Tracy Emmons' hands would be so bad. Hi-ya! Like i do you know what i will give you a little olive branch here okay with the tracy emmon thing which we've discussed far too many times on this podcast she doesn't deserve to say okay here's the thing i can understand some people going do you know what the point she's making here yeah is valid and that makes it good art right i can understand that argument even though i don't agree with it what you can absolutely

not say is that it takes skill to do what you know i never said it takes skill but not all artists skill and some art is based around like it's when created at the time and what it is what it means what it represents and the time it was created why it's remarkable so now you could look back on picasso and be like just shapes and fucking weird things but at the time it was very avant-garde no one else was doing it so to come out and do that kind of stuff at that time it meant a lot so that's why no one else no one else is still on church street throwing their shiz and passing possessions. But if I did that, people wouldn't be going, oh, good art, they'd arrest me.

Yeah, but give it time. When you're dead, people will be like, he was a genius. He wasn't appreciating his time. What about the gaffer tape banana? The gaffer tape banana? What's that? You're not seeing that?

You're not seeing the gaffer tape banana? Call yourself an artist. You must know that. It was a couple of years ago. She doesn't. I know you. I don't call myself an artist it was $120,000 $120,000

someone gaffer taped a banana to a wall and sold it for $120,000 the best one is take the money and run the blank canvases or like Damien Hirst's shark did you ever see that? it was a huge tank and he put a shark in there and the whole thing was going to decay so it was decaying as it was in there so the whole point is you buy it but it's

but damien hirst is also like i think he likes fucking with rich people some of it is a they know it the artists are aware and they go how much could i get a dumb rich person to pay for this and that real art is the joke on the fucking idiot who will pay for it that's been but that's hardest throughout history isn't it yeah go, I need to get paid. So what does this rich dickhead want? And then they give them that, don't they?

But is that any different than like a hat comedian being like, oh, the single people shout some out noise. They're like, the married people,

you see how they have more energy? the bits from my new show. Do you know where the bouncy really shredded off of it? Yeah. It was instantly,

wasn't it? Didn't it fall and then it was instantly shredded? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was, as soon as the hammer hit, it fall and then it was instantly shredded so it was as soon as the hammer hit it shredded

Banksy's piece I fucking love Banksy it didn't completely shred so that piece is now worth more because of his trying to like yeah

it's all just money isn't it yeah it is all money and art summed it up there Cal Matt

yo what about art it's all money isn't it it's all money do you know what about food it's all money isn't it

really clothes as well a lot of life it's all money, isn't it? It's all money. Do you know what about food? It's all money, isn't it? Really? Clothes as well. A lot of life's about money. Math. You know what money is? Art. Fucking think about that. But art is like the biggest unregulated industry.

No one regulates it. So there's loads of money changing hands. Yeah, because it's all for the billionaires to move fucking dough to their mates and their wives who no one knows. Oh, I paid two billion for this. Tax rate off. And that's yours now.

Two for the charge. But they can though. Yeah. Art is worth whatever someone will pay for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is it. Whatever the story is of the story, it's all the story behind the piece.

That's what it's worth. Oh, it's all money. I bought. It's all money, man. I bought a painting of Mohammed Salah for a very reasonable price. Right? Reasonable to you.

It's a very nice painting. And it's in the Guggenheim now. And I haven't done this because I won't do it. But do you know what you can do? So I bought that. Let's say I bought it for £1,000. If I get that value, then someone goes, that's worth £100,000. I can write £100,000 off my tax bill.

Not the grand that I paid for it. Yeah. So why don't you just get an art deal and fucking bung them 10 grand then? Well, that's... That's what happens. That's what they're doing, Kyle. That's why Elon Musk's going to space and me and you are struggling to put fuel in the fucking bus.

I don't know about you. We can't intend eating Elon Musk in space because he's got underground bananas. I just became an art collector. Yeah. Honestly, art is where it's at. Such good investments. And you're an appraiser. Oh, this is going to work out.

I'm not paying any time. Let's start money laundering. Oh, shit. Oh, shit, Adam. Oh, no. He's lost it. Oh, God. Who's that?

Is that Eddie Murphy? Peter's going to have to come back. Oh, dear. Eddie's gone. Hang on. So do you have to have a license through Credit Art? No.

In some places, if you're going to do it for insurance, you have to have a license to credit art no uh you in some places to if you're going to do for insurance you need to be through like a certain body where you can go i'm an unofficial appraiser for insurance hi hi yeah hi hi nice to meet you one of the launders i own that could you say that's worth 40 grand because it is 100 it's worth whatever someone says it's worth really but you have to be able to back it up with evidence so you need to show art like you need to show records of past auctions things so you can go based on this and it's rarity there's none other like it there's none from this year there's not what a blah blah blah blah there's a whole thing but yeah you can do that and then

you're right you can write it off and and that happens a lot or they'll make up a company and they'll donate it to this company who they happen to be the ceo of and write the tax up it's a very uh it's all about money genuinely do you think because do you think the stuff behind them is now worth more because it's there no no i don't know it would be are these like are kate that picture that photo is from upstate new york it's a motel swimming pool i bought that for a tenner in bryant New York. It's a motel swimming pool. I bought that for a tenner in Brighton 10 years ago. It's been in the back of every episode of this podcast.

You know what? Your Patreons, they would probably buy it. So this is exactly the point, actually. It would be worth more. 15 million. Because if one of your people wanted to buy it, if you guys ever did an auction. Didn't come with that, mate. We've added to it.

This is one of my favourite pieces. It's my only piece. Wait, can I ask, why do you wear headphones and you don't wear headphones? Because I'm not deaf. Oh, are you deaf?

What? This is an Australian five dollars. I like it. It's like a real modern day collage of like a sad man. I like it. It's like a real modern day collage of like a sad man. I like it.

So, so. But I bet one of your patrons would fucking buy that. Put it on, put it up for auction. You could sell it for loads, I bet. Oh, what's that? Well then. I just want to get a tax write off. But the best thing, the best thing for art is hold it.

Hold it as long as you can hold it because it'll increase in value. So I know art dealers who would buy a crazy expensive piece and the best thing is for it to disappear off the market for 10 years. Throw it in, like I've seen million dollar pieces that are beautiful

thrown in a closet for 10, 20 years because when they come out in 20 years, they're going to be worth 10 times as much. People go, we haven't seen that in ages. I know, but people might, it depends how long the podcast lasts, doesn't it? It's, this is going to hold value while the podcast is,

you know, the pods fucked if this is on eBay. That's a bad sign. You're turning tricks on the street. You're selling your fucking pool painting.

The Tino Esprit has got that at least a 10. I love that you pulled the fiver off to really show the piece. I'm not pulling Tino Esprit off.

Do you know Fastino? You have to go to my pocket face, mate. What a player. Footballer. A Colombian footballer from the 90s. Jelly legs. Probably on cocaine. I played in a charity match against him once. How did that go?

He's not played football since. Tino. Didn't think I'd be talking about Fastino Esprilio with you well you know here we are what a journey we've been on I like just watching you I just had a little moment where I realised this is my life I had one of them moments where you're like I'm talking to a lady from

Newfoundland no Vancouver about my art and Fastino Esprilia. It's great. 150,000 people watching and listening. I love it. Seems normal. Can you put it back, please? I will in the break.

Let's have a break. Well, I've been up since very early, so I've just whacked in some new blackout from Sneak. They've got unreleased Worldwood and blackout. Sneak, drink for your mouth. Looks like paint from a nursery. You've nailed that. They'll use that.

They'll use it. If you have a two-year-old that you've been looking after for five days, sneak. And modafinil. Good little combo. No, separate. Good little combo. I don't know whether that's on Sneak's website,

but if you combine sneak with half a modafinil, your afternoons get a little bit changing conditions please do not try this at home thank you I'm not advising you

I'm just saying it's fucking great what's modafinil modafinil is a narcolepsy drug what is it it's a narcolepsy drug oh it's a nar

oh so like if you're feeling a bit tired and you have a modafinil and you're like whoa let's fire you some spiders

yeah oh shit a little tired and you have a modafinil and you're like, whoa! Let's find some spiders! Oh, shit. A little bit. Do you have to fight the urge to sleep on it? Because does it not help you sleep? No, narcolepsy. That's a different one, isn't it? Narcolepsy is you falling asleep, Carl. Yeah.

So it stops you from falling asleep. So the drug stops you doing that? I love, you're so sweet and simple. I love you. I ask the easy questions. I know where you're coming from. There's a sleeping pill where if you fight the urge to sleep,

you then get high off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The sleeping pills in this country suck. You can get way better ones in North America. I always go and get NyQuil there. It's better than the shit you get here. Also, your bottles of everything. When we were in like a,

was it, what are they called? Like a CVS. Was it Walmart? A Troma of ibuprofen? it wasn't was it target we went to target a friend of mine ibuprofen in a fucking huge jar a friend of mine told me a story he uh i said i can't sleep on planes unless it's business class where you get to bed yeah and he was like oh what you need to do is just take a sleeping pill like an hour before your flight or just before you check in. Yeah.

And then you'll just be out. But he misjudged it badly coming back from New York because the sleeping pills are so much stronger there. And he was having a pizza near the JFK airport, had the sleeping pill

just before his pizza arrived because he thought he'd take it with food and fell asleep in the pizza place and missed the flight. Wow. How strong is that sleeping pill?

That must have been a really fucking strong one. Mine don't do that but mine will, yeah, mine will knock me out. I do sleeping pills when I go back

to Vancouver and stuff. American TV is mad you can't watch it for more than five minutes without like a pharmaceutical advert. Yeah, we're not allowed

that stuff in Canada. Canada's more regulated but in America they're like, do you have this, this, this, this or this? Like go ask your doctor. They're just trying to push all the pharmaceutical advert. Yeah, we're not allowed that stuff in Canada. So Canada's more regulated, but in America, they're like, do you have this, this, this, this, or this? Like, go ask your doctor. They're just trying to push

all the pharmaceutical shit. It's wild there. America's just the fucking wild west. It's a crazy place. Yeah. I love it. Should we do some underrated, overrated?

Yeah. Shall we do some underrated, overrated? Adam, would you like to explain Kate's how we play? She's I think she's going to get it pretty quick I am just a woman

So you might need to explain it slowly Are you trying to manipulate me? Give me your drink, you dumb fuck And some money Oh my god, I'm your pay pig Be my pay pig I need pay pigs This is called underrated, overrated.

And to be honest with you, if you don't understand it after the first one, you don't deserve to. Okay, the first one we've got is sending voice notes instead of texting or calling. Underrated. I am that guy, sorry. Underrated.

Underrated. I love a voice note. I love it. You can listen to it on 1.5 as well. Yeah. You can listen to like so much information. Yeah. And then get back at your own pace.

It is like a phone call that you can just do all the stuff at the same time, but you're both live. Yeah. Mad phone call. No, but you can send voice notes to many people. Like you can be doing it. Plus when people talk shit in a voice note,

you can forward it to them and be like, look what so-and-so just said about you also you can delete you can you can go on and then i don't do that i don't do that you're a chaos sorcerer i'm a witch i'm one of those crazy women so what's your what's your ranking of uh methods of communication is voice notes top for you i'm a a big voice notter. The fact that you can delete something, you can be like, hang on, what am I on about here? Yeah.

But then you have to do the thing. I've always hated you and your entire family and your mum's a bit of a fat cunt. Oh, hang on. Oh, yeah, yeah. Sorry. But what if you start it with emotion and then you have to come in and redo it if you're like,

if you're going and you're like, oh my God, I was so, and then you're like, fuck, I fuck. Ah, and you have to like redo the whole fake fucking thing. And I've had to do that before. Well, you're a performer, you're like, oh my god, I was so... And then you're like, fuck, I fucked. And you have to redo the whole fake fucking thing. And I've had to do that before. Well, you're a performer, Casey. I am a performer. You should be able to do that.

Do you know what people hate, though? They hate me for it when they text you and you reply in voice. Sometimes if you're out and you can't listen to the voice note, that's when it's fucking annoying. I'm like, I can't listen to this. Just fucking text me what you want. Yeah, but I can put so much information in the voice note. Yeah.

Oh, past the paragraph, I'm like, do you know what this is? But time limitation on a voice note. If it's over two minutes, you've got to shut it. It's got to be multiple voice notes. What's your record? I actually just sent somebody a five and a half minute voice note last night. And as I was doing it, I was like, what am I doing? What did they do wrong?

That was, that's not, that was a... We don't have enough time. They weren't my pay pick. They weren't paying me enough. 32 minutes is my record. You should start sending them to patrons. 32 minutes? You did not leave somebody a 32 minute voice note. They hate you for that.

A 32 minute voice note. We would not be friends. What? How could you even talk for 32 minutes uninterrupted? Even on double speed. That's 15 minutes. That's quick math right there. 16 minutes.

What the fuck was going on there? Oh, it's a 33 minute. This is, when was this? This was Sunday. 33 minutes to my mate Matt. And then I obviously

needed to tie some other stuff up because the next thing is three minutes 44. What were you talking about? What was the gist of it? What were you talking about? We was the gist of it? What were you talking about? We literally That must be a suicide note.

talk about Yeah. That's the only thing I could think that would be that long I'm going to kill myself. Because then it's instead of saying two you do it together

and it's the whole That is genuinely beyond insane. That's psychotic. It's mental. I love it. That is so unbelievable.

There's no one on earth apart from Laura and you guys because we do it professionally that I know more about as a person than Matt how's he meant to reply

to a 32 minute message is he writing down notes is he making notes throughout this is his reply 11 minute 50 7 10

1 56 yeah so the reason he split that up is because he had to go back and rewind 100% that's the only thing about voice notes you have to go I'll reply to that that that up is because he had to go back and rewind yours and stop it at intervals. That's the only thing about voice notes is you have to go, I'll reply to that, that, that.

So I'll pause it and go, I'm replying to the first minute. And that took like two or three minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 32 minutes! What were you doing? How was he gonna reply to that? Hello mate, we are getting absolutely hounded for the length of our voice notes. I'm telling you right now, if you ever bother sending me anything that length, you have wasted half an hour of your life.

Are you mad? I'm not even playing it. What were you saying, though? Adam, do you think I would ever send you a voice note that long thinking you'd listen beyond 40 seconds? What were you saying? Yeah, what were you saying? What were you talking about? That's like 16 and a half. What were you saying, mate?

I need the gist. Is everything? Play it? Is everything? Play it? Also, what were you doing for half an hour? You were on the toilet. Just pottering around.

No, that's a toilet one. Was he free? What? Was he free when you were doing it? No, that's why we use the voice notes. He's in Guantanamo Bay. He's in Guantanamo Bay. That makes more sense by the minute.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. How's he meant to reply to that? How's he meant to reply to what you said in the seventh minute? Because he remembers what has been said. By the way, it's not 33 minutes of questions. It's not 33 minutes of like, and another thing I wanted to ask, and another thing.

No, but it's like a 33 minute soliloquy of your own. What are you saying? I can't imagine there's, I need to know what you were talking about. Oh, we're close. That's an episode and a half of Friends. Yeah. If you're saying things that you don't want to respond to,

why are you saying it? Because I'm telling him what's been going on. Okay, that's a weird thing. I'm going to say That you don't want to respond to Why are you saying it? Because I'm telling you Telling him what's been going on Okay that's That's a weird thing I'm going to say something Don't reply Don't even listen

Do you only speak in question form? Are you like the fucking Riddler? Like You don't just respond to questions Look I went out I went to I don't know Burger King last week

And you go Okay what did you have? That's not a question Fucking advanced chats With you and your bezo's eh? Yeah exactly I went to Burger King What did you have Carl? thank god this isn't 33 minutes because i'm fucking killing myself as would i i just don't get you're the fuck what no i've done like 33 minutes of voice

but like back and forth like two minutes two minutes like we're like not like we're having a full conversation we go big every week full day how the tours go in how the. Full update. How the tour's going. How the show's going. You're not on tour! No, I mean how the tour development's going. He literally, everything. He doesn't respond to it though.

He tells you everything. What's your relationship with this person? Because it sounds like they want to fuck you. There's absolutely no way that he even come close to smiling when he received that. No. He probably threw his phone out the back door.

He lets him poo in his downstairs toilet. Oh, that's why. Yeah, you got to have a special poo toilet. Yeah. Especially as a comedian, we poo everywhere.

It's awful. Yeah, some of them. Yeah. Yeah. Next question. Right, so the next one, we've got a little Canadian-based

The Rated Overrated, so the next one. We've got a little Canadian-based. Oh. The Rated Overrated. She's from Canada. She's from Canada. Did you not know that I thought that was on my best? I can't tell if you guys are playing dumb or this is just how you do everything. There's a fine balance. Yeah.

So the first one is poutine. I like poutine. Cannaboo poutine. It just needs to stop pretending it's not. Gravy and chips in it. With a bit of cheese. But with the cheese curds. Yeah.

But it's just gravy. What's a cheese curd? It's not its own thing. Cheese curds are like squeaky cheese that don't fully melt in the poutine. It's essentially like halloumi on chips with gravy on it. Squeaky cheese? They call it squeaky cheese sometimes because some people just eat it as a snack and it kind of like it's like squeaky i don't know how to describe it but it's not like melty cheese but i will say i think poutine i know this is like i'm very

anti-canadian i think it's overrated oh i'm just more it is overrated because it's just gravy i just want to put matthew's point across he told me in the break make sure you tell them how much i love poutine oh yeah you love it it? Matthew is a big poutine. You do strike me as that type of guy, Matthew. I don't think food should have poo in the title. You're all like Steve Jobs, just with the same stuff as me. You're all Steve Jobs.

I've never seen you not in that hat and not in that hoodie. And I just feel like you have the same three meals, like on a rotation. I think he's the genius in this room. He is. He's the quiet genius in this room. That's what I feel.

We all know he is. You're very perceptive there. Like you guys are like the fucking seven dwarves in here. Dopey for sure. This one. I'll take that if I loves him.

But he's sweet and lovable. And he gets us fucking quick. I'm 5'10". You can't. He gets us quick. You would be. Bashful. Bashful.

You're 5'10". Do we have a tape measure? Sleepy. I'm 5'10". You can't. He gets us quick. You would be a... Bashful. Bashful. You're 5'10". Do we have a tape measure? Sleepy. I'm on a modafinil. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sleepy. Now, but which one of the dwarves are you sucking off first?

Well, Jesus. Whichever one is paying me the most amount of money. I'll be Snow White in this, actually. I'll be. Dopey's getting chewed off first. Yeah. Come on.

Is Snow White getting her clit chewed or whatever you said before? Oh, God. Since how much you're paying me. How did we end up there with the dwarfs what i don't know it's no white in the sun how many one two three four five six seven oh there's eight of you they're remaking it without dwarfs yeah yeah but the little people community is very upset about that because they said they took away their jobs it's not fair so they're trying to make it so woke they're like we won't have little people and then the little people are like what the fuck this is like our you know the non-binary dwarf oh that would have been snow white and the seven people

yeah have you seen her snow it's coming out not white not white no we can't say white no have you seen how annoying she is she is really annoying she hates no she hates no white she hates the story it's very oh she's fit though yes she is? She is really annoying. She hates Snow White. She hates Snow White. She hates the story. It's very annoying. Oh, she's fit though. Yes, she is. She's beautiful. She's gorgeous.

She can be as annoying as she likes. Yeah, there's no prince this time. There's no dwarves. A mouth does me a din. So what's the story? I have no idea. It's just a girl walking through the woods eating an apple.

This woman lives in this house. Isn't that good? Anyway. Seven men turn up. She doesn't know him. They do work on her house. They respect her, say thank you, and walk away. Oh. Anyway. Seven men turn up. She doesn't know him. They do work on her off. They respect her, say thank you,

and walk away. Oh. Right. So, so we've, poutine's overrated. Poutine's overrated. Okay.

Tim Hortons. Uh, underrated. Tim Hortons is key. I love it. Oh, not, not impressed

with Tim Hortons. Coffee isn't amazing, but like the donuts, the bagels, because the food in this country at Tim's is not the same as tim hortons in canada right we have better food in the canadian times they don't have the same exact recipes over here scrum's not great that is an impressive donut i love it the canadian maple is the best donut it's like a maple syrup flavored donut so the next one is maple syrup oh so underrated it's the fucking best i put maple syrup on eggs is that weird yeah yeah yeah it is a bit i get it though but it's like the sweet

because they're in the breakfast world you can get chicken and waffles before yeah it's like the same vibe of like chicken and waffles with like chicken waffles with sausage gravy in nashville yeah yeah yeah every day that's good no wonder you're shitting yourself every day like yeah no yeah we don't like to think about the diet, but I was born with a problem, and it's not my issue. Have you always been like that since you were a kid? Just uncontrollably shitting?

It's got weight, so I'm not going to lie to you. Yeah, he didn't drink as much Guinness as a kid, though. But a little bit still. That's not really true. Right, we've got some confessions. These are my confessions. Oh, Is this the debut of the jingle? No.

No, is it? It is. Oh, in the future it is, of course. We played it yesterday, which is the future, so today is the future. People write in their anonymous confessions and we have to decide whether they are forgiven. We're God here.

I love that. I want to be God. Or we give them some penance. I like that needs a drop that don't it needs to kick off you told us not to shut up you engine bitches right this is uh confession for you here i've recently got into shoplifting yes i support that yeah me too started with small bits and pieces for example pine nuts from booths are six quid and you best believe i'm not paying that recently however i'm just

finning it in the back just i'm really readily agreeing like get in there recently however i've been using my eight month old son to help with my escapades. Prams are surprisingly good for smuggling stuff So many moms do that. Love it. So many dads do it. Sorry.

Not at my local and only shop. My latest 100% discount was a Lego set, but the wife has made me feel too guilty to build it and says my son

is an accessory to a crime. What are you saying, lads? Manipulating. Yeah, she's 100% right and she needs to shut up yeah like it's just no you can steal from the only thing i don't support stealing from is like small independent retailers and shops like a small business owner depends what attitude they've got for me that's actually true if it's like a cunt you can steal from them but like if it's like boots or stains on it fucking if you see someone shoplifting from a big shop no you didn't yeah no no i've seen people who are like building a cart and i can tell i saw somebody not that long ago at a sainsbury's they were building their cart and i was just like they're gonna make a run for it and i literally stepped aside and he fucking

bolted out the door and security chased him and i was just like run free cost of living too high these fucking monsters are hiking up the prices on everything like any baby formula in there I was like take it man you know in the past like the thing used to be the customer's always right yeah

there's been this massive overcorrection to the independent business is always right that's bothered me because now everyone supports independent businesses

including me I always try if I can to avoid a chain and go for that but there's someone that they've got this attitude on them where they're like, fuck you. You should be paying £8 for a brownie.

Fuck you. Yeah. Like, yeah. There's a restaurant in Edinburgh that I've been going to for years and the new staff in there have just got this, I'm not going to name them because I want them to let me in. But I turned up and they were like, yeah, there's no tables for two hours.

And I was like, I can see. They're like, yeah, they're all in the tables for two hours and i was like i can see like they're like yeah they're all in the next half an hour i was like i can eat in half an hour yeah it's just me and they were like i've just told you there's no tables you could probably eat and shit in half an hour like easy easy yeah really annoying yeah that is a bit fucking annoying i don't like that so i support stealing from know. Have you ever done a Dine and Dash? No. I'd never do that. I have, yeah. I don't trust my ankles to run away fast enough. A big company or a little company that's ran by cunts

steal away. Pete's Hut Dine and Dash was good. That was a in Darlington, London. So this person, they're forgiven? There's so many old people and so many people who use their kids. Fuck it. Yeah, steal. Forgiven.

Absolutely. You do you, bro. Have you ever bought steak from a smackhead? You know, because I feel like steak is the only one that's got like

in a supermarket, it's got the security tags on. When you see that, I feel like it's one of those like wild sightings in the wild. Calvin Klein's have now got a security tag on each pair of underwear in the box in tk max well everywhere because people

take it out the box and leave so they put them on each individual pair right yeah so calvin clines and steaks they're the big money fellas it's all about money that's what it comes down to it's all about money it's about money stealing it's about money i support stealing but you have to be careful you know what Walmart and some of the places are doing in the States? You know, everyone's doing self-checkout.

So people are like, oh, I'll scroll this through as like a potato or whatever and it's like something high value. So those big companies are just keeping track of that with like AI and video and they wait

until you have a felony charge. So they wait until you add up to about $5,000 or more worth, which is a felony in the States rather than a misdemeanor. So they'll tally it up and go, here's all our evidence of this person stealing in excess of this much money.

It's a felony and not this. And then they'll send you to jail. It's really, so you gotta be really- So you think you're getting away with it? That you gotta be really fucking careful because you think, yeah. I heard that if you have the cash to pay for what you, you're claiming you didn't steal that.

Oh, I just wanted out. I didn't realize that you can't get prosecuted, but that might be bullshit. Like if you can go, no. Oh, I just wanted out. I didn't realise. Yeah. But you can't get prosecuted, but that might be bullshit. Like if you can go, no, I've got the cash here. That's what I heard. Do you know what I thought today in the supermarket? You could just start eating the shit.

No, you're not allowed. No, of course you're not allowed. But there's no one stopping me just picking a bottle up and just drinking it. Yeah, there's a member of staff who'd come over and go, are you drinking that milk out of that? No, not milk. I'm going to take like a bottle of Coke up and drink it.

He's just going to go and drink that. Are you trying to check? Just make sure they don't see you. Right. You could just pick chocolate. Hang on. You can do anything if you don't get caught. Yeah, exactly.

No, but I mean, it's... Is that your dream to drink milk? As long as no one sees it. Bang, dead. That wasn't me. I don't need to do my big shop. I just take my family on a Friday, eat a week's worth of food but don't get seen no

but like it was so like a gate like you couldn't possibly open that before you paid for it you could just eat a fucking apple we've got told off before for like giving her like buying a snack for whatever jack or etta and then she like they're kicking off and you just have it and then you keep the wrapper and you put the wrapper through we've had like you're not meant to do this people do that all the time in North America well I'm spending 200 quid on fucking food

so just fuck off people like walk around getting grapes and shit yeah but no one told me there's no signs I'm saying don't have a snack on your way round so scan the paper

and bag me stuff up that's what I said exactly that yeah I reckon when you go to Tesco pick some chocolate up and just graze it as you walk around

why not and then are you going to pay for it after a ticket? No, you don't pay, do you? It's the same as shoplifting. It's just double jeffery. It's double jeffery. You're still in there, so if they catch you, you're going, I'm going to pay for it.

It's not shoplifting. You're in there. Yeah, you haven't left yet. You're staying there for hours. Oh, that's true. Eating everything. Wow, you found the cheat code. Maybe you are a genius.

No penance. Amazing. Right, next one. He's eating steaks and underpants. They can't get you, Jeff. Right. Next one. Hi, lads.

I've got another confession to make. It's Foo Fighters. Me and my girlfriend have been together for six and a half years now. And to spice things up, we talked about having a threesome. We met a guy on a dating app who was gay and organized to go out for some drinks before heading back to our place. We had an unbelievable time with my girlfriend getting double teamed and even me and the lad doing some stuff while she enjoys watching.

Oh, doing gay bits? Oh. Only thing is, now it's been a few weeks and all I can think about is how much I enjoyed the stuff with the lad more. I've never noticed

or explored these feelings. Do I need some germane penance and to tell my missus or do I just keep quiet and keep going with the relationship? You need penance forising you're gay. Yeah, no, it's just, you just gotta live your best life. You're gay.

I mean the church can, traditionally. Yeah, that's true. The church usually, pretty hard line on this. Get the glasses on. Yeah. Get on your knees, silly. Father O'Leary, confessing what? Did bits?

What sucked him off on that? Fingered his arsehole? Matta. Was he fit? Was he fit? Was he fit? Was he sucked him off on that? Finger his asshole? Mata. Was he fit? Look, you're a gay and that's fine.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got to live your best life. Like, you're just, you like dick and that's okay, but tell her so she can get out and find somebody who likes her. Why does putting a at the start, does that make it worse? What do you mean? If you said you're gay, you know, a gay just sounds worse. I don't know why. I don't know why either. He. What do you mean? If you said you're gay, I gay just sounds worse.

I don't know why. I don't know why either. He's doing bits with his lady. He's bisexual. Maybe he's bisexual. Maybe he's bi. Do you know, we have this conversation every time.

Take the glasses off. No. Fuck, I'm doing a file. Yeah, he's a bi. It's fucking 2023. Everyone's a bit bi. Get on me. I've sucked a few dicks.

I'm a fucking priest. Don't ask me how old they are. Anyway, get on me. Get on me. Get on me. I'm a fucking priest. Don't ask me how old they are. Anyway, get on me. Get on me. Get on me. So, no penance. No, the moment you were saying it's a male-male, female threesome,

I was like, oh, this guy wants a dick. Yeah. There's so few men that would agree to that unless they weren't a little interested in a little sword fight between them and the other dude. So he has to tell the missus now. Yeah, he's got to just be honest.

What's she telling her? She was there. Yeah, she was tell the missus now. Yeah, he's got to just be honest and be like... What's she telling her? She was there. Yeah, she was there. She's not going to go, she's not going to go, what? Nobody's thinking about it. He's saying like,

yeah, I like that. She was there and he started fucking sucking Jeff's dick and she was like, this is great. Just do that again. Can you do that

in a man-on-man? Isn't that a bit much? No, I mean, you can do whatever you want. That's a bit far, isn't it? If No, I mean, you can do whatever you want. If she turns Annie, you're sucking each other off. If she'd have gone, oh my God, Brian. Oh, I didn't expect this.

I just wanted two dicks, not for you to have a dick. Brian and Jeff. The old school threesome. Nothing's wrong. Do it again. You like doing it. Do it again. Have at it.

Also, your missus seems absolutely sound with it. You've cracked it. Suggest a fivesome with four men. Bring in a whole bunch of people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and slowly you'll phase around with a bunch of dudes. I want to have a 30 threesome. Just you and 32 lads.

So, yeah. It's a 34some. Eddie wouldn't be involved. What? Yeah, he's right. Your maths was bad. 32 and you at 33

oh and there's the yeah the goalkeeper formation 4-4-2 mate beautifully done from pedantic table and I said pedantic roll

right we've got to have a word to round us off have we yes God you can't say words wrong when you're trying

to have a go at being pedantic fuck the word king oh yeah enjoy your title respect though really clever guy

I don't think we did it this is another anonymous one how are we lids could you have a word with me or my girlfriend we're both 22 and been together just under a year.

She's just been on holiday. And whilst on holiday, she posted bikini pics to her Instagram story. I was upset when I saw these, as this is my first proper relationship. This is all new to me. And I don't fancy other lads seeing her with not a lot on. She argued that because she didn't mean to upset me,

that she could do it again and again. And that it's my fault if I continue to be upset. Have a word with either her for not respecting my emotions towards the future posts or have a word with me for being insecure about my confident attractive missus um i think he's got a wind his neck in a bit of both though i think it's a bit of both i think you got to respect your partner but also he's got to relax a little bit especially it's on her story like she's wearing a bikini and she's in a bikini on the beach like people on the beach see it yeah if she was like in a thong posting like nudes in her bedroom on like a tuesday or why is she posting them well but she's fucking looks good why not why does she have to like i'm saying in

his head he's that's his question yeah but that's all that's his bullshit i know what i'm saying if you're young and you've got a nice bod stick it on the fucking internet she wants people to go oh you look hot and she's like oh my god do I

like she knows she looks hot she wants people to tell her she looks hot she's not there with 32 lads like you know then tell him to date a fat girl who doesn't post that if he doesn't want

someone to do that like there you go there's your advice find yourself a fatty have a nice life thanks guys that was the woman

who said that by the way I'm going to get fucking cancelled no just let's just recap I said he needs to wind his neck in Dan said

he needs to wind his neck in Carl said you know what I get it he probably needs to wind his neck in and Kate Barron's advice find a fat woman

she won't post it, because she'll hate herself, and you'll like that. Even though you'll be repulsed every time you fuck her. That would be awful for you, but in the meantime, in the gaps between fucking, you'll feel better about life. There you go, lad. There's your advice. Straight from Kate.

Mate, chill out with your missus, man. It's a bit of both. She needs to go, oh, you don't like that? Then I don't want to upset you, so I'll stop. But he also needs to get over it. It's a bit of both. She needs to go, oh, you don't like that? Yeah. I don't want to upset you, so I'll stop. But he also needs to get over it. So they're kind of both in the wrong boat. But this is when you need

to have an honest conversation and just go, can I ask you, like, why are you posting these? And maybe she's like, maybe she's gone through something or she's like, I've gone through a transformation.

I've been working out. I feel really good. I want to show off. I want to like, you know, get some of that. Or maybe she's like, no, you're like, your dick isn't good enough.

I'm trying to get somewhere elsewhere. And he's like, if she says that, leave. You need to reevaluate know, get some of that. Or maybe she's like, no, you're like, your dick isn't good enough. I'm trying to get some elsewhere. And he's like, then leave. If she says that, you need to reevaluate the relationship. Yeah. And then go for the fat girl. If you ask her why you post those pictures on the internet and her first words are, your dick isn't good enough. Yeah, yeah.

That's a red flag, isn't it? Isn't it? Woo! Woo! Shots in the ass. Shall we call that a pod? Yes. Kate, it's been a pleasure.

Thanks for having me. Lovely to meet you. Where can people find you and tell people quickly about your podcast? Yeah, I have a podcast called You've Changed where people from the industry talk about moments in their life that have changed them. And then I'm just,

Instagram is the best. So it's underscore Kate Barron, B-A-R-R-O-N. And I'm just like all over gigging and doing that. I'm working, my hour is going to come out soon that I recorded. And I'm just like all over gigging and doing that. I'm working. My hour is going to come out soon that I recorded. And then I'm working on an album in a bit later this year that'll come out on like Sirius XM and more in the States.

But yeah. Wonderful. Thanks for having me. Come see me on tour. The tickets are selling. DanNightingale.com. That's it. AdamRowe.co.uk.

I'm still at the Edinburgh Fringe. Most of the tickets are gone, but there's a few days with a few left European tour dates start in September, Paris, Helsinki Stockholm, Oslo, Copenhagen and Haarlem near Amsterdam

I'm playing Warwick I'm not doing Coventry because he's doing Warwick so please go and see him in Warwick my UK tour starts October, a lot of dates not doing Coventry because he's doing Warwick. So please go and see him in Warwick. Really do. It's a big room. My UK tour starts October. A lot of dates. Very close to selling out or already sold out. And some of the big rooms

really getting towards that nice level of sales now. We're looking like we're on schedule to sell out to Manchester Apollo in December. So please come and see me. It's the... The show is really starting to sing. Shall we call that a pod? to Manchester Apollo in December. So please come and see me. It's the,

the show is really starting to sing. Shall we call that a pod? Everyone happy? And we've got some music, not for the YouTube, just for the audio. Finn, who are they? We've got a Warrington-based band called Parlours,

who are named after parlours from above hot water. Yeah, they're named after Ray Parlour. Nice. Two of them used to work in hot water. So this is their named after Ray Parler. Nice. Two of them used to work in hot water. So this is their tune, Hacienda. Nice one.

Go check out Parler. See you. See you, Kate. Thank you. Thanks. I'm sending this dream to mine alive I sold my soul to pass the time I'm feeling so loud, I lose my soul to pass the time I'm feeling soon, I lose my mind So my revolution ties up mine

I'm running out of tea But she's got plenty to go around I'm round the town I'm in the fuss lane, please don't slow me down She drowns me out She fills my brain with words that don't make a sound I'm running on empty Time's slipping away, I'm losing ground

I'm sending the dreams of mine alive I sold my soul to pass the time I'm in the first tape But she's got plenty to go around I'm round the town I'm in the bustling Please don't throw me down She drowns me out She fills my brain with words that don't make a sound Yeah. I see others It's where I'm at

Playing with the sea and sky I need something better For now I'll let her Play the touch right on my time guitar solo Thank you. you