Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #26 Shutdown Pod (VIA ZOOM) -w/Adam & Dan

Episode Date: April 7, 2020

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What's happening guys, it's Adam here. Just a quick word from our sponsors before we kick off today's episode, that is Beer52.com. Beer52 is the UK's most popular craft beer discovery club. They're number one, baby! And they'll send you some amazing beers every month and you can rate and review them via their website to earn points and rewards. Now every month's beers that you get sent will have a brand new theme. Past themes have been the beers of Germany, California, Belgium, Korea, New Zealand, South Africa and many, many more. And they've kindly given

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Good morning job seekers Oh my god Okay it's happening Catch me outside How about that Have you never seen me before Upset me Nasty bitch

I'm big bonded I'm heavy structured I'm hung low. If I pull my shit out this whole room, get dark. Disgusting! It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel like podcasting. Two mics, two lids, and a lot of time on their hands. This is Have A Word. Shut down dailies. Let's get through this mess together. Hey babe, how are you? You alright? Welcome to our show. We're back, aren't we, Daniel?

We just give fashion tips and just, like, lifestyle advice. Do you know what I mean? Can I say, babe, your skin looks really good. What have you been doing, Adam? Talk us through it. I had a salad for my lunch. You rubbed it on your face. I've had vegetables for the first time since year 9 how do you feel? I feel really good you know I really really really enjoyed it yeah like I really

enjoyed the salad I had a baby leaf salad bag you don't want adult leaf you just want to keep it bare bit yeah I like it some cucumbers some olives and feta cheese there we go some bacon bits few croutons then i put it in a sandwich with chicken but it was deep fried because that tastes better and then i just fucked off the salad it's like kfc it was fine wasn't? So I'm eating healthy. You're having fun.

I'm eating healthy, okay? I made myself miss KFC. Go on. So back to the start. Baby leaf salad, cucumbers, olives, feta cheese, mushrooms, kale, red cabbage, balsamic vinegar

and some plain chicken breasts. And oh my god Jade made it and it was delicious and I'm now I'm a converse, I'm going to go for a bike ride in a bit as well got my new bike it's not an in the house exercise one it's a proper mountain bike and I'm going for an

hours bike ride after I'm done talking shy with you bro. Nice, I like it new man, give me fit and talk. Right well that's the end of the podcast we talk about vegetables that we've recently consumed and talk about bike rides adam is now a vegan and about 30 more lesbian and talk about vegetables we're always talking about your ma your mars oh fucking lemon. She's fucking bitter.

You said I must eat so many lemons. Well, you know what? Whatever's working for you because you look all right, mate. I love the thought that it's had time to have an impact. Like I literally ate the salad, wiped my face and then come up and turn my laptop on. I'm just trying to be supportive because you sounded tetchy when you were doing the setup.

You were like, this fucking setup! I was like, I'm going to start the podcast positive. I'm going to start positive. So I'm just basically being nice to you. You don't understand. You don't know you're born. Daniel, this is the thing, okay? Because you've got your nice little studio set up, okay?

It's all just yours. It's set up how it is. You don't have to fucking touch it. Jade is at the minute about to start a YouTube channel where she does at-home makeup stuff. So she's like, here's how you do your eyelashes. Here's how you dye your hair. She's been doing that. So once I'm done in here, I have to tidy it all away

and let her set her stuff up. So I have to set it up again the next day. And it's an absolute fucking ball. Do you remember when we very first did the podcast, when it was my old pod i was doing it in the living room every tuesday morning i had to set that up with a fucking two-year-old running around and they make two-year-olds and studios do not mix and then put it all together then do the pod then put it all away and the days where i left it up

you could see look in fact that worked really well just leaving it up, you could see, look, in fact, that worked really well, just leaving it up for the night, being like, look, I've got another one tomorrow, I'll just leave it up tonight. It made Laura be like, yeah, you need your own room. Fuck it, we'll lose the room. Put all of your shit in there, get it all in. And now she's realised, because I've got a room, all of the artwork that she's pretended to like for five years,

she's been like, oh, yeah, that painting that you've for like 10 years that it's quite nice that and i like that one yeah it's fine just put it there now she can just be like yeah i don't like it but you've got your own room so my room is just covered with all sorts of shit that i thought she quite liked turns out she's fucking hated so that's the payoff i don't have to set it up i have to look at all my fucking ikea artwork mistakes for the last 15 years but i just get left alone it is a ball like putting it all up and putting it all back down yeah and we're getting more and more less passive and more actual aggressive with each other because we have a ruling here once you're done with what you're doing you put your stuff away you put your stuff

away right okay and like if i leave one thing out it's like oh this is here this is eve let this fucking here. A hairdryer is on the floor. Nearly broke me fucking toe before volleying a fucking hairdryer, Daniel. I've got me sliders on. I wasn't prepared for it.

There's no fucking coverage for your toes. I've already got sore toes from playing footy years ago and I never got it fixed. I've just volleyed a fucking hairdryer. Do you use a hairdryer?

I use sometimes. I've got no hair, but sometimes I always worry that my balls haven't dried properly after the shower. Do you hair dry your balls? I do, yeah. You don't. Honestly, you know I'm a weirdo. I've been a bigger fucking case of FOMO.

It's when I'm GHD I want to use a hair dryer you've got no hair Daniel yes I have you just can't see it it's when I'm GHD and my pubes that's when you know

it's gone too far like I just want them to be silky shiny and straight I I just want to trim I do just shave the sides

and just do like a cow's lick on top I'm thinking about a perm what for my nipple hair Just shave the sides and just do a cow's lick on top. I'm thinking about a perm. What for? My nipple hair. I really, I just, my worry is,

it's the, when does that ever get air? You sort of, you come out of the shower, it's the first thing you put back on is your knickknacks, innit? You put your kecks back on straight away. No. Yeah, you do. Everyone in the world puts the thunderpants on first mate I have like an OCD thing where I get dressed top to toe no you don't

I do no you don't I do so you put your hat on first I know you're taking a piss I hair drydry my balls and now you look weird, mate. Everyone was like,

Dan's a fucking weirdo, a little baldy, hair-drying his balls. And now everyone's like, what the fuck, top-down dress boy. It's an OCD thing. So if I get out this year,

stop looking at me like that. Listen, right? If I get out to shower and I'm staying in the house I'll just I'll put my t-shirts on me undies and then I'll put my socks on

because that's all I'm wearing okay if I'm wearing shorts as well t-shirts, undies shorts, then my socks always t-shirt first yeah but if I'm getting ready

to go out and I know I'm going to be putting a hat on I put my hat on first then my t-shirt then my jacket and I know I'm going to be putting a hat on. I put my hat on first, then my t-shirt, then my jacket. Have you got a mirror in the bedroom?

Because you just have to catch yourself once with a hat on and fuck all else and look like, hey, I'm a naked train driver. Oh my God. When does your missus ever want to fuck you if she catches you? I'll have a lie in. You get ready. Just be quiet. And then she's just

trying to sleep and she opens one eye and you're stood in front of the mirror with a hat and a t-shirt and your dick and balls out like a fucking toddler on the beach that's just run off without his pants. It's worse than that and I can't help this. I understand that it's weird, but if I'm going out, I'll put my coat on

before I put my underpants on. John, nasty bitch. Upset me, nasty bitch. That's weird. That's cheap. Message Jade and ask her. I put my hat on, T-shirts,

then I'm putting a jumper on, jumper, then any jacket, then I'll put my undies on, then I'll put my pants on, then I'll put my socks and then my shoes. So there has definitely been at some point, you know when you because you you're a lot of people ringing you a

lot of people message you someone has rung you and i know what you're like with the phone you don't want to miss a fucking this could be a big opportunity the fucking phone rings and you've got a hat a jacket a t-shirt and your dick and balls out and you're doing a business call i swear to god i seriously want to see a full mirror selfie the next time that happens. I'll do it later. What's the opposite of a wank bank? I won't have my dick out,

but I'll have my bum out for you. How to lose followers. I swear to God, next time I get ready when I'm going out out and I'm putting my coats on, I'll get ready like that when I get out of the shower. It's only when I get out of the shower, though. and I'm putting my coats on, I'll get ready like that when I get out the shower.

It's only when I get out the shower though. Yeah, right. Okay, thank fuck. Otherwise it'd be weird. Hairdry your balls next time. I'm not bothered. Hairdry the balls. When you've got your jacket on, your fucking full suit, your tie, everything, your scarf,

just give your little balls a hair dry. It's really nice. It really dries the area. Do you ever feel like it's a bit like the fucking Amazon rainforest sometimes? Just all the bit, never gets the air, never gets the light of day. Have you ever, like, accidentally sort of weed on your, like, pubes and balls a bit

and, you know, like in a public toilet and then popped your dick in one of those Dyson Airblades? Mate, they dry your balls rapid, you know. Just what a great way to get barred from your local fucking Wetherspoons. Some fucking local alky walks in and you've got your dick and balls. Just really trying to get over

so you don't touch either side because that's the trick with the Airblade, isn't it? Just to, if you lower them so you don't touch either side because that's the trick with the with the air blade in it just to if you lower them in not to touch either side just try and get your dick and balls in and your dick and balls out and he's like oh yeah you can't touch the sides of it because you don't know what where else other people have been putting their different turns out i'm just gonna have wet hands from now on. I'll fucking have coronavirus before I fucking touch where your dick and balls have been in a spoons. Oh, God, where did that go?

How do our partners ever want to have sex with us? Just, I know, like, we've got our charms, but that is... Jay dresses like I do. That's less offensive. she's an attractive young woman

that's fine in my head i think all right i know that's items i'm not trying to be disrespectful that's part of jade's a beautiful woman and that's fine my wife is a fucking lady she can dress how she wants she can go sock fucking hat bra i don't give a shit it all looks good you my mental image not quite as good yeah and then my naked balls just flapping in the wind look it's it's the way i do it i can't help it like it's if i put like socks on first i feel anxious for like a week i'm underpants first it's just so it's got to be it's the underpants first oh it's your foundation it's your so it's gotta be it's the underpants first oh it's your foundation

it's your foundation that's the so weird that's the you build from there you put your dick and balls away you have underpants on and you walk around

with no top on I think for me I've done really well 39 years old to never get on the sex offenders register when you're naked

there's windows in the house you don't know do you live near a primary school I don't know the key is get the dick and balls away and then there's less risk of getting on the list you not feel weird walking around with no top on though what we're just underpants yeah no i feel like a superhero no that's weird to me so i've not on your top and then have your bottom covered that's so weird sometimes i sit here and i'm absolutely sure that you're a mental and then i your bottom covered. That's so weird. Sometimes I sit here

and I'm absolutely sure that you're a mental and then I go on Twitter afterwards and I'm like, no, everyone thinks Adam's right. But I'm pretty sure on this one, even the fucking most diehard roll lids who basically only listen to this podcast and be like, yeah, Adam's sound,

that old fucker that he fucking sits and talks to is a bit of a bell with but adam's all right i think even them are lad put your fucking knickers on first lad we'll see uh i guarantee i'm not the only one who has this condition though yeah well we'll see i uh i dropped i dropped my phone and broke it this morning adam did you daniel did? Or did you... You're not got a case? I have. I told you there's no case. Got a protective case.

Got a protective case. I was trying to do a... It's a Galaxy S20, brand new on the Plus, because I wanted a big screen. Do you know what? To watch Netflix on at night. Yeah, because I like porn on a screen. And you know WhatsApp have got the voice note thing

where you have to press record, but it's in the corner of the screen. My little tubby fucking fat man hands couldn't hold the big phone and it fell and you know when something falls and sometimes you're like i'd be fine i knew as it literally screen slapped the pavement that it wasn't going to be fine it made a sound like you know the belly flop when you see someone dive and you're like actually you've messed it up but you've still gone in so and then there's the full like oh damn and everyone in the pool's like shit billy it was one of them moments and there was there was a stone and it's really cracked it to fuck i came back but you're insured though yeah so you got insurance so you'll be fine yeah i'll be fine have you got insurance'll be fine. Have you got insurance?

No. I've got no phone. Why have you not got phone insurance? It's like fucking a pound a month. You're such a liar. It's more than a thousand pound phone. It's more than a pound a month. You can get phone insurance for like a couple of quid a month.

Pee off your uncle fucking Terry. That's not proper insurance. Uncle Terry's insurance. You give us a quid. I'll fucking insure your phone. I'm not having that. You can't get... Protectyourbubble.com

Protectyourbubble.com? Yeah. Right, cool. Have you got phone insurance? Yeah. I don't believe you. You pause then. You're just giving me shit.

You're the type of maverick that hasn't got... You don't even put underpants on in the right order. You haven't fucking insured your phone. I have. I'm insured your phone i have i'm insured with three who are my providers and the reason i'm with three the worst network in the uk is that my credit rating is very similar to that of greece do you know a few years ago on the day my best mate from childhood got his his house approved and announced that on the same day he got his mortgage approved and announced that on the same day he got his mortgage approved

and announced that his mistress was pregnant with his second child. On the exact same day that he announced both of those things, I had to get a phone contract in me cousin's name. Because O2 and Vodafone were like, we feel like you're going to run away with this phone. We don't trust you do not look trustworthy uh yeah we've all been there though i think that's part of the thing of being a comedian you're like what i want to do for a living is go around the place and tell stories and be funny maybe one day i'll do a podcast and talk bullshit about

when i put my underpants on to my friend it doesn't make you the most definite bet for like international lenders does it when i just i got the house we got our house in november and as we were applying for the mortgage it's such a weird feeling as you're basically going to banks going hello can i have a house made of bricks where families live how do you earn your living um i say dick flap on stage really well in different voices you almost expect them to be like jog on your fucking bell

and you're like yes thank you I am a bell and yeah we've all been there have I told you what I did to Paul Smith Liverpool Liverpool

Hot War Comedy Club's own Paul Smith go on so we'd been on a night out me and Paul

right and I ran out of money and I didn't have my card with me. And I was like, just lend us like 50 quid. I'll put it in your bank next week. So a week later,

Paul texts me and goes, you put that money in my bank. And I was like, oh yeah, sorry, I'll do it now. And I did it. I put the money back in Paul's bank

and then he went for a mortgage advisor meeting. As he comes out the mortgage advisor meeting, he rings me and he's fucking raging. Like, angry. I was like, what's the matter with you? He goes, you're a fucking dickhead, aren't you? You're a fucking knobhead. I said, what?

What's your problem? And he goes, I've just been for me mortgage advisor meeting. I went, oh, okay, cool. Did you get it? He's like, well, I don't fucking think it's looking good Adam, do you? And I was like, Paul, I've totally, I've got no idea what you're so angry at me for. He went, did you put that money back in my bank? And I went, oh, yeah, yeah, I did. So it was the third entry down on his bank statement

that he took to a mortgage advisor meeting. And I'd put the reference as chocolate dildo refund. And the note is, I'm really sorry, it's melted. Right? So he said, he had to explain that to a mortgage advisor. But then he got the mortgage and I didn't get an apology.

And I was like, don't you owe me an apology? And he was like, what the fuck do I need to apologize for? I was like, well, look, your credit's not great, is it? So it was 50-50 whether you get that mortgage. I reckon her job's that boring that she was just going to say no to you.

But then that made her laugh and she's gone, do you know what? Funny that. I'll give this lad a mortgage. So if anything, I deserve the credit for you getting your mortgage. It's the kind of thing that the first time you ever did it to one of your mates, it's like fucking some borderline racist pornography reference as like your fucking big black dicks.

It's so funny. Apart from if someone is genuinely trying to buy a house to raise their children. He got the house. You're the house. Yeah. You're the victim. Funny though. Listen, let's crack on with this fucking nonsense. Send in your questions and suggestions

to haveawadpod at gmail.com. Let's crack on with this nonsense. Just keep it rolling. Keep everything rolling. Now, Adam adam we've not done this before but uh basically i think there's a world media world sports media particularly there's a gap in the market and here i have a word we're dying to sort of progress the brand so we're going to provide a service that hasn't been provided so if you just give me a minute i'm just going going to hand over to our Belarusian sports desk. Now the results for Belarusian Premier League number one.

Still playing because of the supposed coronavirus. It's the concern of weak Westerners, Ukrainians and Sodomites. the concern of weak Westerners, Ukrainians and sodomites. Smolensk Vistaj 1, Vitebsk 1, Islok 2, Slutsk 3. And... Slutsk... I don't know what the joke is. That is important information from the Belarusian Premier League.

That's the football results. The game's called Slutsk. Your ma's their fucking centre forward, lad. Did you hear me? I said breast twice too quickly and it made me laugh because I'm a fucking child. Rooey breast.

Dynamo breast. Dynamo dick flap. One. Is that what you've been working on all day? Your man's a Slutsk. Two. Did you just have a fucking jab at me doing a bit of Belarusian football premiere? No, I just said,

is that what you've been working on all day? Do you know what? I spend a lot of time prepping this show and all I want is some respect and also... I'm a dick fuck so I fucking can't take any fucking more. That's all I want. I want respect and a dick fuck so I fucking can't take any fucking more. That's all I want. I want respect

and a dick fucking. Alright? You've put a porn star on the soundboard. I'm a dick fuck. I think she should play for Dinamo Slutsk. Oh.

Why? Belarus, mate. Belarus. Still playing football. Fucking Wokey McWokeface. That's not very woke calling a porn star a slut. She's a sex worker. She. Still playing football. Fucking Wokey McWokeface. That's not very woke. Calling a porn star a slut. She's a sex worker. She's not a slut.

Adam, you fucking lid. Her Twitter handle is SophieASlut. That is her word. That is not for people like you, the oppressors, to use. I'm a dick fuck. Okay? You need to check your privilege,

Daniel. You cannot call a slut a slut the same way you can't call Yeah, thanks for that. You really need to stop eating vegetables. It fucking doesn't agree with you. It's turned you into a massive, flapping

douchebag. It's made me into a massive flapping douchebag. It's made me a better person and it's just highlighting how sexist you are and your sexist oppressive ways. No more veg, Adam. You need to eat some, you need to kill something and eat it. You need to have someone kill something in some

Belarusian chicken shop. I still had chicken on it. You what? I still had chicken on it. On my salad. But not the fun type of chicken. Talking about food. I'm going to be the fit one when we do the live show. Yeah, of course you are.

And just dress properly for the live show. I'm going to get all the groupies and you can just be there with all the men. Yeah, that's fine. What? Mate, if you just track back through the episodes, I'm going to get all the groupies and you can just be there with all the men yeah that's fine what? if you just track back through the episodes the way I respond to the Havowords it's definitely going to be me sucking up to the

ladies you're like fucking fuck off until you have a salad and then you're all women's rights Dan Evans says hi guys we've got some questions today adam got some people asking some questions they want to know what you think about things uh questions hi guys can you name a food or two that you'd make fuck off forever if you had the power preferably one

that loads of people like but you think is stupidly overrated that's from dan evans tuna oh mate come on yes mate fucking ming if you're if you've ever eaten a tuna sandwich on a train you deserve a death sentence especially middle of summer and then you hear the crack of some bell whiffs, Tupperware. And then all of a sudden, just a flood of horrific tuna smell. I think it should be illegal for like shops to sell, you know, like on a Tesco meal deal. I think tuna should be outlawed because no one's taken a meal deal home,

are they? That's the BS in a public place. You can't be eating tuna in a public place. It's, it knocks me sick. Our dog eats tuna and i refuse to give it jade has to jade has to feed the dog the tuna because i it knocks me sick it's disgusting it stinks and it comes in a horrible fishy smelling fucking tin that everyone who eats

tuna then opens it up and it's like oh i made made the food. And then I just left that there. Is it brine? What's it like? That's the stew in some mingled. Some of it comes in brine and sometimes it comes in spring water, which makes it worse. It's just fishy water. Tuna can fuck the fuck off me. There you go.

He's coming back. He's coming back. He's had one vegan salad. Well, one semi-vegan salad. I was talking to Jade earlier because, you know, Boris Johnson's now in intensive care and a lot of people on the internet

are like fighting about it because there's some people like, I hope he dies. And there's people like, no, well, I'm actually very left wing, but I don't hope he dies. It's really bad to wish death on someone. And I can sort of see both sides of that argument.

I think you should never wish death on anyone. It's not a nice thing to do, but also it's quite hard to expect people who've been the victim of Tory austerity for the last 10 years to be sympathetic towards one of the worst offenders in the Tory party. However, I don't wish death on Boris Johnson. I hope he gets better. I just hope he's

not Prime Minister for very long. That's what I think. However, I wish death... Permanent damage rather than death. I wish death on everyone who eats tuna on a train eating tuna on a train is worse than closing a hospital right yeah

that whole thing about when people are like I can't believe you wish death on someone I saw your tweet and you have mental health issues you're like yeah but it's just a tweet and he's not reading it because he's cut the fucking allowances so maybe if he hadn't cut them i'd be in a mentally better place and i wouldn't be wishing death on the cunt yeah very very good point it's different if you

actually go to the hospital can i just speak with the prime minister please i hope you fucking die then that does look like unnecessarily but as you're just tweeting in some bullshit thread i don't think it's the end of the world but i just you're right i hope he doesn't die but at the same time you're like still doesn't mean i fucking like him just had a conversation with that with the neighbors about that and i wanted to be like it's hard because i spend a lot of time talking shit with you and then i've got to tune into how normal people talk so he was like oh have you heard about the prime minister and i'm literally calling him bojo and in my head when i went oh yeah bojo it's a worry in it in my head i heard cane brow go

upset me nasty bitch and that is gonna ruin a conversation with a neighbour over a hedge, isn't it? A little bit worried about the Prime Minister. Nasty bitch! Upset me! We've been getting tweets from people who say they're constantly shouting have a word soundboard things at their partners around the house. So, you know, like,

we've got a lot of couples who listen and they both listen to the podcast. And, like, some girl said, a fella left his shoes after he'd been running in the bedroom and it stunk the bedroom out. And she's shouting downstairs, Oh, char! Upset me!

Neck! Disgusting! Did the whole soundboard. Yeah. And now she can do... I'm a dick fuck. Oh, I love it. I love it.

Oh, Bojo,jo mate not doing good what food can i not be doing with do you know what any you know so you need to pick the other one any food any food that my wife makes when she gets on slimming world for like a week and a half when she's like no i am doing it this time i'm really doing it and then starts eating healthy and then farts like she has a dead man up her bum hole oh my god slimming world might make you thin and healthy but fuck me it makes you smell horrific she's just letting rip some nasty shit so yeah some of the shit she makes is fucking horrible. Avocado can fuck off as well. I really find it... Really serious for a second there.

Avocado can fuck off as well. Proper pretentious bullshit. What's your problem with avocado? Is it because of the economic problems it has? Because actually it's very, very bad ethically to eat avocado because the farmers in south america get a really shit deal or is it just because you don't like vegan hipsters because they're all wankers there's a few problems with with that one it's not i don't actually know that many vegan hipsters but i do i do dislike a lot of stand-up comedies people who've slagged off vegan hipsters for about

the last 10 years and been like oh my god vegan hipsters and i'm like mate i live in the northwest of england i don't literally don't know any this seems like a west london concern to me also i don't think i could ever be like i think it's disgusting because it's unethical because the avocado isn't fair trade because i do cocaine and i don't think a lot of that shit's fair trade do you know when you've made some bolivian nana come over on a flight with about half a kilogram of cocaine up her jacksie you can't be like oh my god oh god i've got such a comedown from that cheap coke we got from fucking south america where'd you get these avocados and this coffee? Is it fair trade?

I mean, how unfair trade is it? Does it come up like a Bolivian nana's bums? Avocados? Not yet, but they reckon it's going to go that way eventually. Like I looked into it. They reckon smuggling avocados with three to four years away

from smuggling avocados up your nan's vag. Young Asian lads delivering it in a fucking really sneaky looking mondale you're all right bro yeah yeah here's your avocado yeah don't pass my number around though keep that keep that on the down low oh i've got a food i can fuck off um and uh they're perishable they're non-perishables at the minute. So Jade's outlawed from using them, but usually.

Do you know what Bachelor's pasta and sauce is? Yeah, we've got one. What's it called? Not cup of soups, but it's like there's a pasta one. There's pot noodles. There's like a pasta version. Yeah. So it comes in like a rectangle packet.

It's called pasta and sauce. And you just put it with a bit of water. It lasts forever. Oh, it lasts for about three years, yeah. Yeah. And you put it with a bit of water, a bit of milk on the hob, put a bit of butter in if you want extra. Now, they do a chicken and mushroom one, which I'm quite partial to.

It's really shit. You know, like one of those shit meals that you actually enjoy yourself. Like, so everyone's got the little guilty pleasure like that. The chicken and mushroom one's mine. Jade has fucking cheese and broccoli. That's the flavour. And mate, it smells like someone has walked

in vomit and then ran round your house. It smells like Bigfoot's dick! Imagine, like, if you'd never washed your dick right so constant sex and masturbation you'd never watched it

all the milkshake in there all the scam underneath it all the all the scum and never blow dried your balls never yeah imagine that that's that's what that's what she eats i just think it doesn't smell the way it tastes and i'm like how can you get past that though how can you get past the fucking smell

how can you be like a problem how did you know that in the first place because you could smell it the first time around it tastes different yeah but you had to eat it to find that out i i love i love it how we get so annoyed like boris Boris Johnson's in intensive care and you were really quite considered about that I can understand with every cut the Tories made to the healthcare system and austerity I can understand why people

are angry but at the same time I don't want it to die what do you think about pasta from a packet I think it's fucking disgusting and it eats shite out I fucking hate it I think it's fucking disgusting and it eats so i fucking hate it i think that's why people like it um this is from oliver scott hi lads got a cracking pointless purchase come drunk story for you a mate at work is really into film memorabilia so this follows up from adam has made some massive pointless purchases

in his life. A guy got in touch recently and went, can I just throw out there Vuvuzela from the World Cup 2010. I mean... I bought one of them.

Yeah, you couldn't help it. I honestly think... Eh, eh, what the fuck, eh, eh, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da,

da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da,

da, da, da, da, this one for Africa, da, da, da, da, da, da, eh, eh, what the fuck, Was that Capello? What? Was that Capello? What? Was that Capello World Cup? I really...

Shakira sang that one. You fucking ballant. Jilly Beans in Texas going, really, Shakira must be a different... Is Capello a singer? I've not heard of him. I really got myself into that. We're at episode 489 in about two weeks,

so we will go mental. I'm reading out Belarusian football results and printing them out like this will be good. Capello, no, it was Shakira. Belarusian football results and like printing them out like this will be good no it was Shakira that is not going to get clipped off as the video my mate is really into

that fucking World Cup was ruined by those Vuvuzelas though at first he was like oh it's different isn't it it's just how they do it and then after a while you're like really fucking annoying you know what I love about that the first goal of that world cup was scored by the footballer with the best name ever for commentary it was Shabbalabala

and when he scored the first goal and the fucking commentary Shabbalalala oh it was fucking quality that that's like me at beat the frog when I'm comparing beat the frog and there's a list of 12 names and there's some kid from a long way away and i've not reread the fucking list properly i've just gone oh yeah 12 names the sound takes like there's like five in the first section seven in the last section are you all right i'm like yeah yeah yeah and then

as soon as i get on stage i'm like oh and the next act is a foreign name that's gonna make me look racist when i get it wrong. So, literally. Welcome on, Taze. Sha-la-ba-la-ba-la. Fuck, it's brutal. Do you know when you compare Beat the Frog? So, just for context, if anyone doesn't know, you should know by now from listening to this.

Beat the Frog is a new act night at the Frog & Bucket in Manchester for new comedians. They're trying to do five minutes on stage, but the audience can kick them off. They're brand new. Some of them are doing their first ever gigs. Do you know when they're shit and they get fucked off? Do you ever slag them off a minutes on stage but the audience can kick them off. They're brand new. Some of them are doing their first ever gigs. Do you know when they're shit and they get fucked off? Do you

ever slag them off a bit on stage? Because when I host it, I do a little bit. No. I don't a lot. Sometimes I have to say something. Sometimes... I don't mean slag their comedy off. I just mean, you know when they make basic mistakes? Like, my favourite one

of these, the reason I bring it up, I compared it a while back and there was an Asian guy there was an Asian guy who got on stage my room's just falling apart every episode a lamp's just broke, there we go, but we're cracking on

there was an Asian guy who went on and he was about six foot tall, right, quite chubby and he was about 6 foot tall quite chubby and he had shaved hair on the sides and that ice gem haircut at the top so imagine that guy, let's say he's Chinese he's about 6 foot

he's got that haircut and he's a bit fat and his opening line was I know what you're thinking I'm the guy who ruined Rush Hour 1, 2 and 3. And it got absolutely fuck all from the audience. Because they were all like, what? I had to go on after them and I was like,

it's really nice of him to turn up and prove once and for all that not all Asians look the same. He basically walked on and went, I look a bit likeie chan don't i and 200 people went not really i i think one of my favorite lines is because it's a very it's a very hacky stand-up line and a lot of new comics use it it to be walking i go i know what you're thinking because when you're a new comic a lot of you what

you do is getting it wrong and a lot of the time a crowd are like nah nah we weren't thinking that and i remember george cottier who is a fucking he was brilliant really alternative comedian from about 10 15 years ago from liverpool and just basically never wanted to do stand-up properly he was like an anti-comic, so he just took the piss and it was one of those comics comics and he used to walk on and go I know what you're thinking, but it's not relevant.

And then just continue. No, I'm kind of friendly because I've been there from the start and I just don't know, I just feel a bit responsible. It's my name, my fucking face is on the cards. I don't ever feel like being cunty. Sometimes there's bellends, but...

When you first started, did you ever do any jokes like that? Like, I know what you're thinking, or like, I look like this celebrity. Did you ever do any? Yeah, because I still... Mate, I've still got the Danish sex offender line when I take my hat off and I'm like this celebrity. Did you ever do any? Uh, yeah. Cause I still, mate, I've still got, I've still got the Danish sex offender line when I take my hat off.

And I'm like the reason that's not hacked that because it's very, very specific. I think the hack thing is to open your show with, I know what you're thinking. And then, so I did used to do that. My opening line for a while was a lot of people come on stage and say that they look like certain celebrities.

Comedians often pick like a really good looking one or whatever, but I can't do that because I get told I look like Bruce Bogtrotter from Matilda, right? Now, I used to do that

at every single gig and one time at the Frog, some girl stood up at the back and went, you can do it, Bruce! And someone else shouted, go, Bruce! It was...

You compared that, mate? You might not remember it. Honestly, it would... Very rarely there is a time where someone has a birthday at the Frog and they bring a cake in for them. Oh, how much would you have... There's been times at the Frog that backstage, I

have seen a chocolate cake just ready to go for someone's birthday. I think in that instance, if that happened, I think the persons whose birthday it was would accept that they were about to be, well, they were going to lose a birthday cake, but be part of one of the best fucking Matilda references in history as I brought out a chocolate cake and everyone's like, you can do it, Bruce!

And you'd have to fucking headbutt the, oh. Amazing. I think to this day, that's the best hell i've ever had um uh a mate sorry we're doing the point pointless purchase a mate at work because i've got to finish now i've started um a mate at work is really into film memorabilia and once say that when say that when you get caught wanking. I've started. Sorry, I've finished. Can you really? That's...

To get caught wanking, to be like, oh, darling, darling! Just give me a minute. You can't. So if you get caught wanking, you just stop and start walking around with a hard on. Mate, it's easy for you. When you got caught wanking you just stop and start walking around with a hard on mate it's easy for you when you get caught wanking

jade just has to slightly roll over and be like what are you doing dickhead we're in separate rooms I get caught wanking by the dog sometimes though like the dog will come in and be like what are you doing there you can't be wanking with a dog in the room I once got caught wanking when I lived with Danny Mac

and I was having a full headphones on, laptop, in my fucking office chair and he just walked in and he went, oh, sorry, mate. And I was like, ah, ah. And then I went downstairs, gingerly went downstairs late and he went, um, who are you, uh, who are you Skyping? And I went I wasn't skyping, I was wanking. He went

yeah mate, I know, I know. He's like, what? Sat up in the office chair, I was like, I was really treating myself. It's weird, isn't it? That all men do it regularly, but we're still so weird about getting caught, even by another man. What should happen

realistically in that situation is he should walk in and go, what are you doing? I'm having a wank, go away. He should be allowed to watch, I think. I don't think that's really what he was into. I don't even think he wanted to live with people,

never mind watch them masturbate. But to be fair to Danny at the time, it was like 9.30 in the morning. It was a morning. What? It was just one of them days when I was like, you know what I need? You can't be a laptop house in the AM. Yeah, it was a

proper like, I just want to start this. Headphones in the morning. I want to start this day properly. No, that's a fucking treat yourself right. No, in the morning, you just have start this day properly. No, that's a fucking... Treat yourself right. No, in the morning. You just have to have a sweaty audible one. You have to wake up, do it straight away, and then you should imagine...

You can't be putting headphones on in the morning. Do you put your hat on and your coat on and then masturbate before you put your knickers on? Yeah? You're the weirdo, not me, mate. A mate at work who is really into film memorabilia once got stupidly drunk and bought the cart from Planet of the Apes from eBay for eight grand.

He then... The cart from Planet of the Apes, the original 1960s... Really? No, it can't be the original 1960s. Anyway, he bought it from Planet of the Apes, the cart, for eight grand. He then woke up in the morning and realised what he'd done only to find out that it was another 12 grand

to ship it from the us to the uk it now sits in the garden collecting dust don't drink and ebay kids that's one that one's from oliver scott i mean so oliver do us a favor tell your mate i'll give him two grand for that that's brilliant that's really two grand for that that's what that's what real like venture capitalists do they wait for a crash in the market that's what they're all doing stocks and shares now aren't they the rich people have already sold and now they're buying low that's what adam does sneaks in and buys something from fucking Planet of the Apes that he couldn't give a shit about just to piss off all his mate. He'd be like, oh, fuck. Who's got 20 grand?

Who's got 20 grand? Who's got 20 grand? Mate, I've got a bit of savings. I'm not, I don't know what. I'm on eBay tonight. Yeah, I can't believe he went through with the purchase and didn't just call PayPal and claim he'd been hacked. it's always someone someone's bought a fucking cart for 20 grand on ebay well how do we know it wasn't you sir well i've never even seen planet of the apes how about

that okay we'll cancel that it's always though that's the get out of everything now in it oh no i think i've been hacked really really. So hackers, international hackers, got into your phone and sent dick pics to this woman from fucking Manchester. Yeah, yeah. Terrific. I don't know why they did it. Awful.

And then they hacked her to send in pictures of her tits back to me. And on that bombshell, let's have a joint custody there's nothing wrong with him just starting the day off with a good old proper wank is there not there is it's weird gotta stop talking about wanking on this podcast you know my grandma my granddad was like how's it going how are you doing he's fine he's like oh i'm all right he's like how are you doing i was like we're busy you know doing my called it an internet radio

show to him because he's 94 and I don't think podcast is going to register he went oh yeah internet radio show how do I listen to that and I nearly went you fucking don't because I want to inherit some money just fucking lose the respect of my grandad he talks about touching himself

um right let's have a word from our corporate overlords now then everyone let's have a quick word about voxel comedy club in that there london town now obviously there is a fucking pandemic going on no No one's going comedy for a while. But as soon as they are, if you live anywhere near London, if you're down visiting in London and you fancy some stand-up, some of the best comics in the world will be playing Vauxhall Comedy Club, which is, surprise the fucking prize, in Vauxhall. So basically, they've helped the podcast out massively

by sponsoring it in our time of need. And when we're out of the fucking bunker, when we do our first live tour of this podcast. The Have A Word Show for London will be at the Vauxhall Comedy Club. If you're down there and you fancy seeing some stand up after the apocalypse. Give Vauxhall Comedy Club a try. In the meantime, give them a follow on Instagram. At Vauxhall Comedy Club.

On Twitter. At Vauxhall Comedy. And on Facebook. They're just Vauxhall Comedy Club. Join the mailing list. So they can tell you when they're reopening. And what they're doing. It's VauxhallCom, and on Facebook, they're just Vauxhall Comedy Club. Join the mailing list, so they can tell you when they're reopening, and what they're doing. It's VauxhallComedyClub.com.

Adam's already played this room. I'm really looking forward to playing it. They do a bottomless booze ticket, and on Friday and Saturday night, you get 90 minutes of stand-up, excellent TV comedians, up-and-coming talent, and also bottomless beer and wine.

There's a spirit and mixer ticket for 35 quid. There's just entry for 10. Be a good egg. Give them a little follow. And we'll see you there after all this shit has blown over. Vauxhall Comedy Club. That's it. You are listening to the funniest podcast in the game.

It's Have a Word with Adam Rowe and Dan Nightingale. Let's have a word. Adam, let's have a word. That's not the theme tune, is it, Dan? No. Are you going to sing the theme tune? No, you sing it. You sing it.

Because you've been really good and you've sort of toned down the rest of the singing and I think everyone's happy. It's time for Have a Word with adam and daniel it's time for have a word with adam and daniel we'll solve them for you sometimes we'll just take the piss have a word sorry I played Belarusian music accidentally I didn't mean to

well now it's time for have a word from Belarus okay I just want to say thank you to everyone who's still listening to this by the way because we're getting thousands and thousands of downloads every single day, and very, very grateful for it. If you've been listening

for a while now, and you're just a regular listener, just do us a favour. Spread the word for us. That's what I want to sort of push today is pass the podcast on to one of your mates. Just say, look, give this a go. Tell them your favourite episode. Because they're not in any order, are they? You don't need to. They're not

topical. It's very, very rarely that we say anything that's happened in the last day or so to public knowledge. So get your mates into it. Let's have a double download day trying it. One of your mates to download any episode of our podcast today and let's see if we can get a spike in our downloads. We'd be dead grateful

for that. The more people listen to it, the easier it is for us to keep doing this content and get advertisers and shit like that. Time for a double download day. Get one of your mates involved. And if you've just got into the podcast, the old stuff is still going to make you laugh because it's not topical. It's just stories about how we dress.

People have been going back and listening to it from the start again because we're not giving them enough content, apparently. An hour a day. So, giving them enough content, apparently. Oh, so it's fucking an hour a day. Oh. So, this is a sort of have a word with me misses one,

but I can tell you right now that there's so much going on in this one, Dan. I don't know how you're going to handle it, mate. Are you ready? Is it busy? It's a busy little cunt, is it? It's a weird one mate to be honest with you okay hello lids i live down in australia but i have a mate um who introduced me

to adam's comedy we still laugh about the tweets on the subjectivity of comedy slash some dudes now out of context that sounds ridiculous but i'll retweet my tweets later so anyone who's listening to this can go and check it out. Dave's nice too. So thanks for the pod. It's keeping me sane in the office alone. Nice one. You're very welcome. Thanks, mate. Listening from Australia. Australia is our second most

popular download country after the UK by the way. Weird that, isn't it? Got some Aussie fans. Thank you, show. I have a little domestic for yous to clean up, but only if you were on my side. I have a ten-year-old daughter who has

inherited my morbid interest in the world. One day, she found a dead rat behind our house. It had been dead for some time, all dried out. Most of the rat meat was gone. It was basically a skeleton with some dry bits of fur on some parts of it.

My daughter's first thought was to put the rat skull in a small Tupperware and take it to school for show and tell, which she did. Fast forward a couple of months, my partner and I are changing my child's bed and we find this Tupperware with the rat's skull down the back of the bed. My missus shits herself. She won't touch it and asks me to chuck the whole thing out. I thought the polar bears, the whales, climate change, etc.

So I just threw the skull out and I put the Tupperware in the dishwasher. Wow. Fast forward a month or two and my missus opens my child's lunchbox to find the rat rat skull Tupperware back in circulation and gets all pissed off about it. I think she's

being way too precious. I mean, she won't even smell test food past the sell-by date. She just chucks it. But once it's been through the dishwasher, I don't understand what the problem is with using this Tupperware again just because it's had a rat skull in it. What do you make of it keep up the good way

from christopher over to you dave it's i don't know i'm not that precious about stuff like that i've just think oh fuck off but i think rat i think dead rat in tupperware might have to take the tupperware out like this morning etta had a wee in the bath and my brother-in-law's never seen that before and he was horrified. He was like, oh, darling, darling, don't wee in the bath. And we have been letting her wee in the bath since she was fucking born.

You know why? Because she doesn't stop. She's not going to go, oh, I'm so sorry. Did you tell me to stop? I'll definitely stop weeing. She's going to piss in the bath. Also, your brother-in-law needs to get over himself. Are you still wee in the bath?

Yeah, except she has a piss in the bath needs to get over himself i still be in the bath yeah except she has a toothbrush in the bath with it and she just pisses and she's like yeah and we're like we'll just rinse it off rinse rinse it off it'll be good for another day he looked he was like oh my god oh oh god let me just get that out we really need to boil the toothbrush he was like danny looked to me like i was gonna go quickly quickly get it with prongs and like put it in fucking nitrous oxide i was like yeah she pisses on the toothbrush all the time it's not directly on it it's diluted within the bath water he was like oh god fucking man i'm telling you right now there's parents listening to this going yeah not the end of the world mate it's not there's also social services listening to this you're on the way to your fucking house they can come around take our daughter off her put her in care and then she'll piss on it piss Like, it's not... There's also social services listening to this who are on the way to your fucking house as soon as they're legally allowed to.

Nice one. They can come round, take our daughter off her, put her in care, and then she'll piss on a toothbrush there. I just don't think you can be that precious about stuff. I'm not that fussy about... But dead rat in the Tupperware,

and then what are you going to do? Oh, then you're going to put your fucking tuna sandwich in after that. So it's dead rat and tuna. There's a rat in the Tupperware, what am I going to do? There's a rat in the Tupperware, what am I gonna do? There's a rat in the Tupperware, what am I gonna do? I'm gonna fucking Tupperware. Yeah, I think it's pretty

grim. It's only Tupperware, isn't it? It's Tupperware as well. It's not like it's a fucking gift you were given from your late grandma. It's like an old box, what you've got to keep forever. It's a bit of fucking... Order a Chinese takeaway, you'll get a free one.

I know Australia's a new country, but it's not so new that Tupperware is a family heirloom. Like, fucking hell, this has been passed on from generation... Fucking Tupperware, mate. Wow. Yeah, I think probably...

Nah, I'm sorry, Chris. I know you said we were only allowed to read this as we were on your side, but you're a fucking lunatic, Mace. And it sounds like your daughters are murdering the making. No. I once got a dead rat out of the

drain and took it home and was like, mum, look what I found. Did you take it to school? I was going to take it to school. Oh, no, I didn't take the skull out and put it in. You didn't do that bit, did you, Daniel? That's the bit I'm worried about, Mace. Not the picking the animal up. It's the, you know, the autopsy.

Yeah. Have you seen Dexter? Have you seen Dexter? Yeah. Have you seen the opening scene of Dexter, where his dad finds him interfering with animals, and he's like, listen, kid, you're going to be a fucking murderer, so just make sure you murder the right people. That's the conversation he needs

to have for his daughter. That's what needs to happen. So as long as she grows up to kill people who have tuna sandwiches on trains, we're fine with it. Absolutely fine with it. Yeah. That's her life goal now. I mean, your poor wife putting up with you two, a fucking rat dissector and a rat dissector apologist.

So just at the end of that email from Chris as well, he's given us a would you rather. So I want to fire it at you because you won't have seen this one because it's in the have a word section of the emails. So, I mean, this is an easy one for me would you rather cure cancer but no one knows that it was you or would you rather cure sort of nonsensical like cleft palates or hemorrhoids but everyone knows you did it you're the hemorrhoid hero forever dan nightingale savior of the sore arses.

Or you just get to secretly cure cancer. I mean, the narcissist in me would love to be the hemorrhoid hero, but you'd have to be a fucking psychopath to be like, yeah, children aren't dying of hemorrhoids though, are they? So probably cure cancer and just get on with it. Depends on the hemorrhoids, innit?

I mean, you've got to really have a fucking nasty bout of hemorrhoids as a ten-year-old to be like, oh my god, little Joey died, he pushed too hard, that little motherfucker needed to eat some Bran Flakes. Yeah, I think I'm going to cure the most

devastating disease known to man. What's going on at the moment? If you've got, if you've got big C and now medium C's come up, I mean, which is the big C, the Corona or cancer? Cause if you've got cancer,

all of a sudden you're like, fuck guys, what about the funding to cure this shit? Everyone's like, shut the fuck up. I can't go to the fucking pub. Let's cure Corona. I know you're dying,

but I'm thirsty. I have been worried about, like, you know, people who've got other ailments. They're gonna be fucked by this pandemic, aren't they? Like, they're fucked. Get to the back of the line, and the line is longer, because it's two metres out, separated. Yeah,

it must be stressful, if you're genuinely stressful, if you get something like that right now and you're like, uh, just doesn be stressful if you're genuinely stressful if you get something like that right now and you're like uh just doesn't feel like you're top of top of the pops so you're killing cancer um i think you'd have to you'd have to sound like an absolute douchebag to say no but i okay i'd love to be the hemorrhoid hero i'm gonna david dickinson you then all right right i got another offer for you take off cancer take off cancer would you rather would you rather cure cancer but nobody knows it was you or cure aids but everyone knows it was you can i just say i don't know if i've got some repressed memories but that voice you do that is weirdly lancashire

and pedophilic is registering with me as a fucking problem you did you did it the other day and now you've done it again and i know it's funny it's a funny david dickinson impression but for some reason it's making me feel really uncomfortable i'm like have i did something happen on a cub camp was did i have a dodgy arcala or something yeah i tell you what dan if you want to build a bivouac you build it with arcala this is a bivouac secret oh no daniel oh no daniel i don't like it take your pants off come over here i've got something to show you now in cupboard david dickerson is a pedophile yeah but he pays he pays for his abuse so what i'm gonna do little timmy stop crying what i'm gonna do i am i am gonna touch you willie but what i'm gonna do i'm gonna pop 80 pounds down here

80 pounds on the table is that enough for me to touch you, Willie? No, I'm going to need a little bit more. You're going to get sued by so many people, you know. We're getting a class action suit for libel from Joe Exotic from Tiger King for saying he fucks tigers and David Dickinson and Seagulls

for calling them paedophiles. There you go. As you knew, would you rather? Would you rather cure cancer? Right. But no one knows it was you. Or,

you cure AIDS, but you get the credit, son. I think AIDS, isn't AIDS, AIDS is done, isn't it? We've done AIDS. We've smashed AIDS. Yeah,

we smashed AIDS. You can't smash AIDS, that's literally the point. If you've got a bit of money you've got some vitamins and you're willing to eat fucking kale oh have you got aids Adam is that why you've got the salad in you

I don't think so if you've got the lockdown aids in a while since I've been tested what about Rona there's a would you rather Rona and everyone knows you cure the pandemic that's the fucking it's you would if you don't if you don't be the top trend if you're not the top trend on twitter for curing rona right now or cancer secretly what do you reckon i think

still cancer secretly for me i think it it affects one in three people, doesn't it? So. Yeah. Cancer kills more people than Corona's going to do. Yeah. Therefore. Yeah, but cancer doesn't stop me working in comedy clubs, so. Oh, that's a good point. Yeah, you could get.

How fucking celebrated you would be just by all the dickhead comedians like, Damn, thanks so much for curing Corona. Now I can work at the Chucklefoot Hut in East Bumblefuck. Who's drinking? The more I'm thinking about it, the more I don't want anyone to know whether I cure either. It's the same reason. You know, if I'm ever sort of on a bus or a train or somewhere where there's a terrorist attack,

I never want to be a survivor. I want to go because i don't want to be doing channel five documentaries for the rest of my life talking about what it was like do you know what i mean so it's the same with this i don't want i don't want any credit just yeah here's the solution wait wait wait fucking leave me alone wait wait that was way too that was too interesting to just just fucking mosey on by did you just say that say you were it close to like a terrorist attack you would as soon as you saw it there's a fucking some jihadi and he's got like bombs strapped to him and he goes i'm fucking doing you lids because he's not i'm not being racist he's a scouse jihadi

fucking liverpool independence not bad he's a he's a really pro-Liverpoolian independence, you know, suicide bomber. And just as he pulls the cord, instead of running the other way, just in case you survive, you lean in because you can't be arsed doing talking heads going, Adam, you made it through the suicide bomb.

Tell us about it. Death, oh, that's death in one go or death by a thousand cuts, isn't it? Talking about that for the rest of your life you'd be that guy you can't do comedy anymore every time you walk on stage oh my god it's that guy who survived the terrorism attack oh my god he's so brave

I don't want your fucking pity I want your banter and your patreon pledges yeah but also how did you survive like he threw eight school children in front of him there was a class they were all holding hands they had those like yellow pinafores on and they were walking and he used the teacher and the teaching assistant and the class to make a human shield that's how he survived boo

yeah i don't i don't want to survive so like if i'm ever on a on a train or anything if i'm ever on the tube and there's a guy who's like looking a bit sussy and that you sit next to him yeah I move next to him strike up a conversation any terrorist-y looking people you alright lad?

is today the day? give me the nod I'm ready yeah oh that's good, mate. That's very funny. Very funny. What a weird one. Well, it's been fun.

Let's call it a pod. Lid. Got a fucking song for you, lad. As always. Thanks for sending new songs in, by the way. We're starting to run quite low on some of them as well. So we are going to be coming towards the end of our pile soon. So if you do know any bands,

get them to send in to haveawordpod at gmail.com. And please do keep all your other submissions coming in. HaveAWords in particular. We need some more of them. But Would You Rathers, Pointless Purchases, you know what we're after by now if you listen to the podcast. Get them in haveawordpod at gmail.com. Playing us out today is a band from Sunderland called Hive Mind,

and this is their song, Crying All the Time. It's an absolute banger. Dan, I love you, man. I'll see you tomorrow. See you, Chief. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. I can't breathe now Bark on innocence, gotta get fit again It's been a while since, gotta get thin again I'm way off my mind I cry all the time And I will not offend Again I will not offend

What is hiding up your sleeve? Are you giving up on me? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Inadaption, out of line Why do you do this all the time? You're a vicarage Gotta guess that it has been a while since I can't be so funny

I cry all the time And I am not okay With this What is hiding up your sleeve? Are you giving up on me? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh And out of touch and out of line Why can't you do this all the time?

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Are you listening to the The Northern Brain? Are you listening To the Northern Brain? What is hiding of your sleep? Are you giving up on me? In and out of touch and out of line Why do you do this all the time? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh The love I'm cooking, I'm cooking, I'm cooking, I'm cooking, I'm cooking

The love I'm cooking, I'm love of a pianist The love of a pianist is the love of a pianist