Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #308 with The Lids - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: December 23, 2024

Murderers Row tickets, merch and loads more available on our brand new website! haveawordpod.comTickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Have A Word: Murderers Row | https://www.ticketmaster.co.uk/have-a-word-the-live-podcast-tickets/artist/5406541Comedian's Club Chester: https://www.comediansclubchester.comAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsCheck out Finn's new single 'Outskirts': https://FinnlayK.lnk.to/OutskirtsThanks to this week's sponsors:Lovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_youtubeLove how you love and take 20% off site wide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: AFF-WORD20Manscaped | https://manscaped.com20% off with promo code: WORD20NordVPN | https://nordvpn.com/haveawordGrab your EXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal by going to nordvpn.com/haveaword. Get 4 bonus months when you purchase a 2 year plan. It’s completely risk free with Nord’s 30 day money-back guarantee!Sneak Energy | https://www.inflcr.co/SHHVlFuel different, drink Sneak.Tickets:https://haveawordlive.comMerch:https://haveawordpod.comADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What's happening lids, before we start this week's episode of the podcast, I've got to tell you my brand new stand up special What's Wrong With Me is out right now on the Have A Word YouTube channel. That's youtube.com slash have a word pod if you're listening on audio and if you watch it on YouTube, you're already there. It's the best thing I've ever done. The production value is insane. The reaction has already been insane.

And I only released it like an hour ago. So I'm very grateful to everyone who's going to watch it, but do us a favor. If you enjoy it, like it, leave a comment, and especially share it, put it in your WhatsApp groups, put it in your Instagram stories, spread the word for us. Let's blitz the views we did on my last special. I'm really proud of this one.

Not just the stand up, like obviously I'm proud of the hour of stand up that I wrote and it went well all over the country, but the amount of work and effort and attention to detail that will be and the rest of the team have put in to creating this product is just levels above, above anything we've ever done before. And I can't wait to see what everyone thinks of it. So what's wrong with me? Full standup special out now on the podcast YouTube channel that's youtube.com slash have a word pod. Watch it, like it, share it.

Appreciate it. And I'll see you soon. Enjoy the episode. It's class. What's happening lids? Have you heard? We've got a brand new website. It's have a word pod.com and on our brand new website. We've got a brand new website. It's haveowardpod.com and on our brand new website,

we've got a brand new line of merch, T-shirts, hoodies, jumpers, hats, stickers, there's all sorts. And it's available right this second. Go to haveowardpod.com, get yourself some merch. And while you're there, you could also get tickets too. Murderers Row, we're doing a massive stand-up tour all around the UK and we're doing Dublin. It's me comparing the first section,

Adam comparing the second, and then we've got the best acts we know. People you'll recognise from the couch, some absolute killers from comedy doing stand-up. Proper stand-up tour. There's no podcast tour this year. We wanted to do stand-up with our mates, and we've come up with the Murderers Row standup tour.

Four special guests every night. Me and Dan doing a bit each as well. And obviously we're bringing all the lads down. We're gonna get Finn to sing at the end. It's gonna be absolutely class. And all the tickets and all the merch are at haveawordpod.com. And of course, if you love what you're watching,

patreon.com slash haveaword pod for loads of bonus content. But we'll tell you more about that a little bit later. Enjoy the episode. It's going to be a... It was good. Yeah, it was really good. It was class. Man, Sensei Kal and Finn. This is the one and only Have Award. Brought to you by Manscape, the very best products on the market

for below the waist groomer. Go Ed, get on me. Oh, he's a tired boy. You've been to fucking Spar haven't you? I went to the steam room. I haven't been for a masseuse session. That's meant to help, isn't it? When you're feeling a bit groggy and... It has helped. I felt like I'd been punched in the womb this morning. By a steam room?

No, in the womb when I woke up. Steam womb. Steam womb. You felt bad when you got up to the room for the steam to get himself better. Right. You felt bad? What's up? Is it just all here? Yeah. All this shit, mate.

Yeah, it's grim. What's up? Is it just all of all it? Yeah. Oh, the shit mate. Yeah, it's great. Doing me. I didn't. Is it? Have you? There's some bastard nasal spray I've been having recently. I've been just sniffing all this oil like down at a fucking cocaine party in his twenties. I can't remember. We called them. We sniffed all this oil. Yeah. Well, apparently my, because we couldn't get, we couldn't have a call it a cocaine party. No, I don't think we were that on afford cocaine. Would you never call it a cocaine party? No, I don't think we were that on the nose. What would you call it?

A party, usually. Just, you know. That doesn't really sound right. I know, but people aren't turning up with fucking birthday cake and presents, are they? We're not doing past... Sounds well better. Yeah. If you said to me, come round to ours Saturday night at 1am, we're having a party, I would turn up with cake and presents, yeah?

Yeah. I wouldn't turn up with cocaine. Well, yeah? I wouldn't turn up with cocaine. Well, you'd be taking the cake home with you. I'd be fucking made up if you turned around to ask me, cake and presents, mate. You came with a limo. Cocaine party with the boys. Just called it. You know, afters we called it. But doesn't that have to be afters? After the club.

Was there a before? Did you ever just have like a big drugs party though? Where you just like invite everyone around and just sniffed your heads off? David Cuth. Yeah, we just had parties. Yeah, we had a party. And then you just make sure you didn't invite people

like Carl, you know what I mean? You don't call it a cocaine party. I wonder once the girls would go, I don't want to get invited. Let's go in the kitchen and make a business. I've got a guitar, I'd rather fucking kill myself. Oh, no guitars. That was me and dad, wasn't it?

Oh shit. No guitars. I went to a party once and they had bongos. Oh, mate. There was a ultimate level. There was an unwanted jam going on in the living room and it fucking stunk. Stunk. Did he have his t-shirt off? Smell. Was it a white person with dreads? Oh my God. No, T-shirt. There was a whole little clutch of them. Um, not for me. Thank you. Did you ever have like specific drug parcels where it was like alcohols banned, but bring drugs? No. B-Y-O-B. Bring your own bag. It wasn't a crack then. I don't know. We don't know what you kids get up to. I don't know what yous were up to back I don't know what you were up to

back in the day. We were just up in summer of love. We were just up in summer of love. 1945. England had just won the World Cup. We celebrated for three years. Adam used to come to ours and we'd have like three bottles of rum. Do you remember that? Was that before, that was like pre-drinks? No. no, sometimes it works most of the time. It was just come to us and let's get blood and play FIFA. Absolutely. It'd be like best of 17 games of FIFA. Wow. We just got fucking blood. The thing is our setup was like better than because we worked in bars and we know what we liked we'd have crushed ice, cubed ice, limes, lemons like a jug full of ice with the bottles in and this wasn't in place of a Saturday night out was it yeah but we'd also go out the other six days of the week all right

satis but for the gimp's mate, bocadio cart mate remember that Is that still a thing? I don't know. A bottle of old card. You were all sniffing drugs. Gimp. You were our age then. What do you mean? When we were doing that, you were our age now. Yeah. Yeah. I'd stopped there. The party days were over. Really? Yeah, kind of. Yeah. 22? Yeah, it all chilled out by then. I met Laura when I was 32, 33. Oh, how long before that had it chilled out though? Cause in my head you were going to like last year. I was getting on it a bit, but it's very occasional compared like very meek and mild proper like a Premier League football who's retired from internationals and is now playing for a championship. Like I was at Plymouth Argyle the last 10 years. Like my mid twenties, I

was international champions league. What was your peak year? 2006. What was your 91 calendar year goals? 2005, 2006. That was Ballon d'Or level record. Was it all celebrating the championship? Yes, because it affected me so much as a Watford fan. What do you reckon was the most, like, you know, like, you know, like, you know, the drugs, yeah.

Cause I don't know, you see, you know what I mean? I don't know. Even when I've done like coke before and not like, like there, I don't know what, how much of it I'm doing. So like if you get a gram, is that a bag? Is a bag a gram? It's a small bag. Yeah. Right. So if you do a line, how much is, how many milligrams is that? It depends if you're an absolute fucking monster, which I was never impressed by that. Getting a gram out and like splitting it four ways and being like, we need more. And then that you're fucking half your face is numb.

So how many, you could get eight, between eight and 16 lines maybe, decent lines. Out of a gram? Yeah. How many grams was you reckon the most you ever did in one weekend? What's your PB? Nothing, nothing spectacular, Maybe two or three.

Oh really? I was never quantities. Like I was never like an absolute fucking Pablo Escobar. So 48 lines sniffing slugs off a string asshole. Yeah, potential. Yeah. 48. But back in 48, I tried to have as many Guinness as I possibly could. In Ireland I have 33 and you're all like that's, that's that.

But a line is equivalent to like a quarter of a pint, a third of a pint maybe. Just to get annoying, I'm just going to the toilet, so 48 lines. Yeah, but if you're at the right place you don't have to go to the toilets do you? You know what I mean? That's the thing. You're not going somewhere and you're like... You're in private members clubs. You're in private members clubs. I'm living in revolution. Yeah, Coke's not fucking being out with Coke's crap.

My heyday, Champions League, it was pills mainly. Coke was a bit lavish. And how many pills did you do? Oh, we just, they were weak by the time I got going. You used to hang out with people who were like Hacienda refugees, who were like, we got one pill and it lasted us a season. It's the spring pill, it costs 25 quid. We all licked it.

Like a fucking salt lick. And then by the time I was out in the early noughties, it was a pound of pill. And now it's come back around. And they were weak. The most I ever bought was 50 pills. Did they all go? The dealer dropped it off and went,

I think it was an Asian guy, went, that's a lot of pills, bro. And I was like, yeah. And I was just like, yeah, but I'm having a big party. 50 pounds. What? 50 pounds for a bag of 50 pills. No, I'd have got a deal on that.

Less than 50 pounds? Yeah, because it's economies of skill. That's outrageous. And did you have all of them in a week? No, not just for me. I wasn't like, blah, blah, blah. I don't know. A fucking share bag of skills.

You can't have that many paracetamol in a week. No, it was because we were having a massive party and I was like, do you know what? I want the party to be good. So I should just sort it all out. If that guy had been a fed, I would have gone to prison. Like that is- That is feds within the UK.

Bust announced parties and- If that was Po Po, basically the dealer went, this is a stupid amount of bills to be buying off me. Is that not intrapment? Has he not broke the law for selling drugs? What? Is that how you think undercover? But he has hasn't he?

Hang on, you've lied about who you are, this will never stand up in court, give me my money back. Well he's selling drugs. And I'm keeping these drugs because you're not even a real drug dealer. No, but a policeman can't sell you drugs and then bust you for buying drugs, can he? I would suggest that I think potentially, Yes you can.

No, because you could go, I thought you were in danger. So I thought taking the drugs off you would save your life. Yeah. Great argument in court. So you're being charged with- It's called entrapment, innit? Like, intent to supply. the crime is soliciting drugs. If he comes up, I did suck him off. Yeah. But like if he comes up and says, do you want

to buy any drugs and you buy them, you haven't committed the crime. Right. What if I text him and go, can you meet me at this place so I can buy these drugs off you? And then he turns up. So you got to know, I am a police officer. It's a good job. You know? Wrong number, that means text you. You know, it's a... That works out when you actually sat in the front of his car.

Do you know if you ask an undercover police officer, are you a police officer? And they say no. Right. Then you're allowed to shoot them. No, they're just, they can't do you then. Right, yeah. And you can buy all the drugs you want off them.

That's how that works. Well, they're meant to say yes to protect themselves, aren't they? What do you mean? So like, say you're like a bad murder guy in a gang and they go, are you a cop? They're meant to say yes because it's worse to kill a busy, isn't it? As in like you get more time in prison. So you're an undercover police, like you're in a gang, you've infiltrated the gang and if they go, Hey, are you a cop? It's for your safety. Yeah, games off. You know, I was going to go along with It's for your safety to go. So not day one. Yeah, games on.

You know, I was gonna go along with it. We were trying to put you in prison. Like last resort. But for my safety. Last resort, if they're about to kill you, they're meant to go, I'm a police officer. Because then they go, oh shit. I'd hold it back though, right?

You're not day one. Either way, you know, don't try and kill me because I'm a busy. There you go. If you're ever in a situation where you're about to be killed by the mob, just claim to be a police officer, but then that's a crime in itself, isn't it? Impersonating a police officer.

Oh yeah. Fucking, it's a web of lies, mate. I don't think the mob are calling the police. Got someone here. Yeah, the payments you want to use. Yeah. We'd have killed him with a gun. Come and pick him up.

Right, he's ready to be picked up. Thanks for having me. You're very welcome. But yeah, if you're an undercover police officer and you get asked, are you a police officer? And you say no, then all of your evidence is a fruit of the poisonous tree. Just ask everyone all the time.

What if you ask him, are you a drug dealer? And he says yes, and then you buy the pills of him. I reckon you're fucked. Just always ask if he's a police officer as well, and then you're safe. The first question, it's like, guess who? Are who are you busy no then you're safe you can do whatever you want right right I do it with everyone girls I'm about to kiss I just make sure are you a police officer

stupid I look back and think fuck me I could have ruined my own life at that very point. In that decade on Narcotics? I don't know, but again, I wasn't the worst at the wreckheads. A million? A what? A million. Jesus Christ, Paul.

What are you on about? How much did you spend on crushed ice? All I hear about drugs is like, we've got a million pounds worth of street drugs here. I don't know what that means. Yeah, but that isn't from someone's pocket as they're trying to get in a nightclub. It's got a street value of a million pounds.

God damn must have been skinned. Yeah, but I never know that you have 50 pounds worth of drugs. I always have street value of millions. Because they're not putting that in the news, are they? He was trying to get in creamfields with a hundred pounds of drugs. Shoot him! Are you a police officer? I'm just saying what I hear.

I wouldn't know what to do if I had someone with a number I'd be like, what do I text them and go, I and me, are you telling drugs? What do you do? Do you think the organizers of Creamfields? Never say drugs. Do you think the organizers of Creamfields are happy that people do drugs at their festival? Do you think if they could, like if the police went and was like, right John Creamfields, yeah we've got a fucking foolproof way of like stopping people getting in with drugs.

Lazy. No one will get in this year with drugs at all. It makes the festival worse, wouldn't it? Yeah, they wouldn't. Creamfields would not be a thing. It would though, wouldn't it? I think there'd just be a load of Scallies in the field going this music, shite. They have amnesty bins, don't they, which I think is smart.

It's just free drugs innit? Who is putting their drugs in? You get in Creamfields, are you already in and you're using an amnesty bin? Right I'm in. Get them drugs out of your ass. Oh Jesus Christ they're all the way up, get them a wash. Do you know what? I feel bad.

Put it in the bin. Why is that guy leaning in the bin? Because sometimes like careful is a super pill going around. That's making people explode. That happens. Yeah. I've got some suspicions. Super pills. Yeah. Like to be like, there's a super pill going around. seven people have died, put them in the bins. I think that's just people trying to get free pills. Do they have amnesty bins on the way in? Like so that if you get there and you see a load of fucking police and sniffer dogs,

you just panic and then put them in the bin? Yeah. Cause mate, if you're already in cream fields and you use an amnesty bin, you need your head checking. Just have half a super pill. I found like six or seven pills on the... I went to Greenfield years ago, today. I just gave them to some lads that were next to me.

That's useless to me. They've got Frank there now though. Oh, call Frank? Yeah. Yeah, speak to Frank. Yeah. Is it actually him? Or just the number? Yeah, it's Frank. Yeah, it's Frank. He's on stage three. On the third stage. I don't know what you're doing. I'll go over and talk to him. I'll do drugs. You'd go over and be? I go over there and I'm doing drugs.

You'd go over and be like, I've just had a shit load of pills. Can you help me out? Once more. Put the music on. What's Frank doing? Watch me. What's his job?

Do you know Call Frank? The drug thing. I don't talk to Frank. Does it speak to Frank or talk to Frank? It was a whole thing, wasn't it? Yeah. Basically, if you're off your biscuits in, you could phone. It's basically smack heads, maritims. Yeah. I don't feel good. What are they meant to do? Talk you down. Yeah. Oh, you're not going to die.

No it's not just that. It's like, I've got a problem out. Like, ah, can you point me in the right direction to stop being a big pillard? Is that what you did? What? Did you talk to Fran? No, I just got on with it and stopped bitching. Talked to Laura. I talked to Laura. Who gave me a talking to. I think you'll ever do a big like drug splurge. Oh yeah.

He's lined up for it. It's any time now. What do you mean splurge? Like just fucking put it in the wall, mate. Just one weekend, just go mad and say everything. Why? See what it's like. I think I said the second I've ever did it, I don't want to do it with her. everything. Why? See what it's like. I think I said the

second I've ever did that, I don't do it with her. I want to do it with you. Thank you. Cause the one time we did do drugs together, you made me all paranoid. Didn't you? So I don't think you can blame that on me. You did still do that. You went, well, you look like shit. You were already fucked. I don't do drugs and I know that's one thing you don't say to somebody you're doing it with. You look like you're fucked. If you're not on our Patreon, you can watch all this play out. Patreon.com slash. I didn't know that that was a thing. I was just making sure you were all right. Cause paranoia is a known side effect. And if someone goes, if you go, oh, I feel a bit weird.

And someone goes, you look fucking mad, you. You're gonna go, oh, shit. But you did look mad. I know. So what was I meant to do? Look away. Wouldn't that have been worse? I think you're on pretty ropey foundations there, Karl.

I don't think it would have taken much. No, absolutely. Do neither. They're not the only two options. Shall I tell you what? Right now, right now, if I was just here, just sat here like here. Yeah. What would you say?

I know you've just done drugs. Yeah. For the first time, open and go, you all right? I'd go, I know why he's like that. I wouldn't. You don't say that though. No. Don't go, I know why you're fucked.

Hey Adam, you look dead good. Don't worry about it. Just act normal. I was high as well, you know. I know. That's why I said I wouldn't do them with you. Because you've proved that you're a cunt when you do them. I was not a cunt. He wasn't a cunt. Let's be honest. You were a fucking shithouse.

Is what happened. Called me a paedophile and then went for a three hour nap. You had one puff and that was it. I did call down a paedophile and I mentored as well. You're a real fun on drugs. It was mad that one. I was very sentient then and I remember that. You are a non- Yeah. I was given that one. Don't do it Carl. You're a nonsense. Yeah, I was giving him that one. Don't do it, Carl. You're doing really well in life. Don't do the...

Maybe I'll just give it a go. I know it's not in your nature. Maybe when you're older, when you're past 80, get on it with him in the old people's home. If you were going to do one, one drug, what would you choose? I wouldn't do acid because it ruined Finn's life. I wouldn't do any pills. Oh thank God with the brand leader!

Fucking heroin! Give heroin a blast! No, no, no, no, no, no. Good stuff, mate. I'll tell you what about pills and coke. They're all fun. Big parties. People have lost their fucking house or whatever. There's dudes rolling around in wheelchairs with one leg. Heroin is clearly some fucking... It must be class, yeah. Hang on. You don't do heroin and your leg drops off. I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean,

I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, get some fucking shortbread. I think if I was going to try anything, it'd be MDMA. I haven't got no holes to fill. You mad as? Yeah she has. She gets on the drugs. That's why I don't do heroin with Carl's mum anymore. She's always busy shagging me. What did you say you'd do? MDMA if I was going to do one. See I wouldn't do that. I'd want to do Lemo because mean, it doesn't just straighten you up a little bit. Not from being gay, but I mean like, you're not like, you

know, carl suck and dick again. Get in my line. You're not so man insane. I don't think your nostrils are going to be suited to cocaine. Yeah. My nostrils are fucked. Yeah. Don't that's not fucked with them. Also, can you do suppository drugs? Go kill your ass. I'd love it if the first time you ever did coke was having a hooker blow it up your bum cheeks. That'd be fucking great. Sounds great. What's like the entry drug? It's weed, innit?

Yeah. And you put that in the wall? Yeah, I think you just stay away from them. You're just too cool for it. That's like an eating your stomach pump from having one Bacardi Breezer. I've had one Bacardi Breezer. That's what you did. You had one Bacardi Breezer and got your stomach pumped. When was that?

Maybe I'm just too cool and don't need to change my... Yeah, yeah. Maybe it's that. Good spin. What happened with the Bacardi Breezer? It was an analogy, though. Oh, right. Sorry. I genuinely, this is how I thought. I was like, what game of FIFA was

that? Fucking hell, watermelon. I'm OD'ing. What happened there was Carl asked what the entry level drug was. And we said pot. And I said, but you even put that in the wall. So then I picked an alcoholic beverage. I think I got it a while ago. Yeah, I've got it. And then I was like, that's like if you've got your stomach, you know how sad it is that it's believable that maybe one crazy night of you two going out, Oh yeah, you can just tell them the Cardi Breeze and sent him over the edge. Drugs on me knows that's been some Mexican woman's asshole. I mean, that's my preference. Why need that? I can't even talk

about this. I'm struggling. I bent Ben Elin, Ben Elin yesterday and I'd one of the heaviest afternoon naps of my life. And the guy at boots was like, just to let you know, this is quite like it can make you drowsy. I nearly went, puss you. I'm fine. And then I got back, had a swig and my God, that stuff makes you tired. I had an afternoon nap yesterday as well. Fucking, I never knew it was that strong. That night nurse, night nurse is great. I love how much of a crackhead you are.

Night nurse. Smoke a little night nurse before bed. Oh God. Are you both rough? Yeah. Our whole house is in a mess. Are you all right? I'm hardly. Why have you been sick yet or are you going to get sick? I've had a cold since we got back from India. Okay. But it's over the worst of it getting

there. Yeah. I'm fine now. Yeah. So it's took two weeks. We've just got the cough cold that everyone's got like, it feels like loads of people have got it. The last cycle was three weeks yesterday. Was it? Yeah. It's not bad. I went to Newcastle yesterday and did a laughs for kids. I'm doing all the fucking kids charities this year, mate. Did you make them laugh?

Um, laughs for kids is an annual event that Jason Cook runs where, so in previous years, the ticket price has been like basically just the book and fair thing. It's been like a fiver. Um, but you had to bring at least one present for a child this year. The tickets were 20 quid plus a present for the child because they did it at the arena. Um, and there was a lot more costs involved in running it, but got to play in Newcastle arena. Oh, I it? Is it sold out? No, there's about 5,000. So they are there like the half-setting.

Still class. Yeah, 25,000 presents for kids who wouldn't have got one otherwise. And that's now over 100,000 in total. That's just in the Northeast. Yeah. That's incredible, isn't it? Who was on?

Jason Cook, obviously. Jason, Chris Ramsey, Rosie Ramsey, Carl Hutchinson, Glenn Rufford, Brennan Reese, Clinton Baptiste, Scott Bennett, me, MC Hammersmith, Lauren Patterson. I know. Good Bill. He may give me a lift in and back because I was going to have to stay over. What time did you get back? Half twelve.

That's fine, isn't it? Yeah, because the show started at six and was done at nine and we just got in the car, How much time did you get back? Half 12. That's fine, isn't it? Yeah, cause the show started at six and was done at nine. And we just got in the car, stopped for a very brief KFC. Up there with the best KFCs I've ever had. KFCs have the widest range. Yeah. It can be unbelievable.

It can be like, wow, that was so bad. Like, so we got to Weatherby services at five to 11. And everything was shutting at 11. And I was like, this is gonna be the worst KFC ever. Cause I'm getting like a last minute KFC. I'd only had a butty earlier in the day. And I got a large popcorn chicken meal with four hot wings. And the hot wings were fucking, I think they'd just been cut off a chicken

about 15 minutes earlier. They were fucking beefy little bastards or chickeny little bastards. And the gravy was a good consistency and hot. So the good game with KFC opening it was a good gravy or not? Yes it is. It's a lot more consistent nowadays than when we used to go shopping when we were younger. Dead watery.

Remember that was always where we went on is it Great Charlotte Street? Oh, was it facing the blob shop? We used to all that was our like end of shopping thing before we went home, wasn't it? And it was like the gravy could be like fucking Indian tap water or like proper lumpy. And you want it in the middle. So it's a lot more consistent now. KFC is my, I go KFC is my favourite, but I don't go there very often because it's not always very good.

It's got to be one of the- When they nail it. Yeah, when they nail it, they nail it. Do you not think it's mad how much people accept that places like KFC and Mac Ease and Burger King can just give you a shit version of their food? Like I've stopped sort of putting up with it. Like for years if I got like a Mac Ease and went and sat down and the chips were cold, I was like, oh, the chips are cold. Fucking horrible lot. And it was about, it was only about two months ago.

I was like, what am I doing here? If this was anywhere else, like anywhere, I'd go back and go, what the fuck's that? Is it just because psychologically, like six quid, so just put up with it. Yeah, but you used to work there, so you must know that, because I've known since, as soon as you're like, I'm not happy with this,

they go, cool, there's another one here. So I just don't have it. What is that? Is that just a line manager and a member of staff who can't be arsed and they're just like, So from my experience, Just banging it together. And obviously it's 16 years since I left Mac Eats.

No, no, 14 years. They still talk about it. But from when I work there, McDonald's own a lot of their own restaurants and then there's franchises and the franchises very often underperform in terms of quality. Like normally if you go to a Mackeys and you get a bad one. It's a franchise Mackeys. And based on that, I'm telling you the one on Edward's Road is absolutely a franchise. It might be the worst one in the world.

Don't they have a lot of standards checking in on them, like secret shoppers? Totally. So they... Which I'd still love to do, you know, I'd still love to be a secret shopper. So back when I worked there, I don't know whether they still use the same company now, it was called Gap. It was G-A-P. I don't know what it like stand for, but from 12 till two every day, it was called GAP. It was G-A-P. I don't know what it like stand for, but from 12 till two every day and from five till seven every day, I think it was, they were the gap hours.

And in those hours once a month, there would be an in-store check and a drive through check. So if it got to like the 20th and you hadn't had either all month. You knew it was coming. You knew it was coming. And in those hours, the standards would go up. Like the managers were all pretty strict and like making sure you're not overcooking stuff

so that there's not fucking 60 nuggets just waiting there and going cold and whatever. Cause technically they're only meant to sit in there for like 10 minutes before they go in the bin. And they have a red bin and a gray bin. And the gray bin is just like rubbish. And the red bins are waste bin. And every time you threw something away,

you had to write it down. And if there was too much waste in the book one day, it'd be like, right, we're cooking too much food here. It's not busy enough for that. But then if you were under cooking and not making enough food and people were waiting on being told to park up fully. You know what I mean?

Chester, the one down, the one near us, if you go at the wrong time, there is like five cars in the waiting base. You know when it's like, cause you're parking bay one and then there's two and then someone behind them and then there's someone at the last window. Guys, I know it's busy, but this is what you do.

This is why we're in the queue for the drive through, because you're meant to be able to bang it out. I get that someone might have to wait in the waiting bay. Maybe two people. When you're at a fucking traffic jam, something's gone wrong in the kitchen, on it. So I so when I work there, I used to sort of I remember asking the store manager who was called state, I was like, why don't McDonald's deliver? Why is it not a thing? I feel like you can get delivery from every takeaway

apart from Mackeys. And he was like, it would be so popular. And there's not a McDonald's store in the country that would be able to cope with it. Like it would all go to shit. We can't do it. We have meetings about it annually. Like, we could cope with it. Like it'd all go to shit. We can't do it. We have meetings about it like annually, like we could like look at it.

But then Deliveroo have come in and basically done it for them. Yeah, but they haven't done it for them. Shit. Like it has ruined, I think. The experience of going to McDonald's now is, and there's gonna be fucking loads of comments and there's going fucking loads of,

I don't talk about like having a bad experience at Mackeys it's nowhere near nowhere near what it used to be because there's a whole third of the business that's just popped up out of nowhere but also the system where it's like the old argos thing where it's like here's your ticket wait for your number sort of thing it means that you end up with like everyone gets like 25 people get served and 25 people are all waiting for their food whereas in back in the day you'd end up with like, everyone gets like 25 people get saved and 25 people are all waiting for their food. Whereas in back in the day, you'd go up, you'd get saved, they'd give you your food

and then the next person gets saved. There wasn't like a holding pen of like, if you go into a Mackey's now, nobody has sat down and they're eating. Everybody is still up waiting for their food. No, we, yeah. No, the out of town one, the out of town one, the out of town one, the Archester one, there's usually, it's people sat down at the peak times,

there's loads of delivery drivers, and then there's a queue out. So basically, there's a whole big wave of business that they didn't have before. I'm impressed with anyone. You know the one in town? I love watching like the fucking quarterback of the service station.

They've got members of staff everywhere and they're just fucking calling plays. It's, no, I mean the person, not just like, who's phoning it in. If you go at peak time, it's usually a manager is running that bit and it's quite impressive. They know what they're doing. Like it's not an easy fucking job, but.

So when I worked there, the manager used to have to run the drive through window. Right. And that's, I think that was the quarterback then. And now the quarterback is the, the service hatch thing. But. That's gotta be easier jobs. I feel sorry for the staff that work there genuinely. Cause I think what's happened is delivery and Uber eats

and all these and just eat and whatever all these apps have gone to, they've probably gone to KFC and baking and stuff first. And because they're not as popular as Macky's, they've gone, we can probably do that. We can probably sort of get like enough food out for that. And it not like completely fucking become a shit show. And then because they're their biggest rivals,

even though they're not even close to them really, I think Mackie's like higher ups have gone, if they're doing it, we're gonna just have to. And they haven't put a system in place that can cope with it. They've just gone to the staff, you're just gonna have to do it, because KFC and baking are doing it.

And we can't be the only one not. Must be so hard work. Imagine like now, or like yesterday or Sunday before Christmas, being in a Mackey's kitchen when people are delivering it and. I don't think it's ever been an easy job. No, but I reckon now it's a lot harder. When my mom was obsessed with me getting a job there

when I turned 16, I was like, there's not a fucking chance. It just every time, it looked bedlam. It looked like fucking bedlam compared to other part-time jobs. And fair enough, some people are going to like, it's the option and they go for it, but it just looked, it looked militarized and hectic. So imagine what it's like now. Do you either work for Amazon or Mach-E's?

Mach-E's. Not even close. You know, when they came in- Mach-E's do look after their staff. I'm not taking it down to the same. There's a proper- Busy. So do you know their store managers I'm not saying they don't. There's a proper... Busy. Do you know their store managers?

Every year get a paid holiday and by a paid holiday I mean they pay for your holiday. Sick though. What? Yeah. Really? Yeah. It's a peltle though. Like us. You know when they come in and test you?

Did you know it was them or were they like in like a trench coat? It was three midgets on top of each other. Do you know what I mean? Like was it like, was it the mystery shopper or was it someone with a clipboard or were they like The mystery shopper is a I know that. That's why I'm saying was it that or was it No it's a mystery isn't it Right okay. So I didn't know someone would come in and give you like a specific order

and like wink at you and be like Can't think the object. Come on. No, no, no. That would completely defeat the object. What's the opposite of this with an obvious shopper? The idea of the gap, the gap mystery shoppers is for them to evaluate what a normal customer's service is.

So but then in those hours in the windows of those hours, it would be all it's gap hour. So the stores rating with the company with the like the fucking like the store managers fucking bonus for the year, depending on how well. Oh, it's a third party. Yeah. What is a third party? Yes. That makes sense. I suppose. Um, it depends on the scores they got with Gap because that's how Mackys keep track of them. It's the off-stead of Mackys. I think they should just turn up, no times, any time of the day, just roll in. But also they could only order, this is the only sort of hint you got as to whether it was a Gap order or not. Three filler fish. They had to order, it was one extra value meal.

And then you have to upsell a large. You should always upsell a large, but yeah, I think, I don't know whether it was always medium, but it was, I think that might be a confabulated memory, but it was either medium or large, like extra value meal. You did have to upside and you would get marked on whether you're upsold. And it couldn't be like a no cheese, please.

It wasn't like an editor's order. So it would be like- There must be a lot of those going through the system though. So it's not a massive giveaway. It's not too niche that- You would be surprised, you know. Oh really? Because like like think about it. If you go to Maccy's, you always do something.

You probably get like a large meal and some nuggets. You get a safety burger, don't you? Yeah. Like most people need to get a backup or they get like, they're there with the kids or like there's three of them and everyone gets it. Like, so for one person to walk in and go, I'll have one medium extra value. One truck. Between certain windows in the day,

there's a lot of lonely men getting some exceptional service at McDonald's around the country. Yeah, but this was my question. Is it like undercover police? If you go, are you a mystery shopper? If they say no, is it all rules are off and you can give them whatever the fuck you want. I don't think the law get involved with this thing.

But here's the thing. So what would happen is, are you a mystery shopper? What would happen is, cause you'd get one in-store and one drive-through every month. If it was in-store, people would be a bit more covert

about what I'm about to say. If it was drive-through. So the second you start putting an order in on the screen as the till guy on the drive-through, that order goes through to the screen down the bottom of the shop at the third window. All right. Right? screen as the till guy on the drive through that order goes through to the screen down the bottom of the shop at the third window. Right.

Right. So if you were, if you were like down the bottom, like near the drive through window and on the tills, not like near window one where people are there, right? If someone come in and was like, can I have a big Mac meal please with a Coke? If that came up on the thing and there was no one else, if there was a queue of people in front of that car, even if there was like five Big Macs, you know back in the day when they used to be like the food bin, like the slide in Mac-E's,

they don't do it anymore, they make everything to order now. But back then when I worked there, it was like there'd be like four or five Big Macs and four or five- The hot plate slide. Yeah. What would happen is the second that order comes through, the manager would go, I need a fresh Big Mac now, puff fries down. So like if you went in at that time and ordered a medium,

like something that could have been the gap order, you would get a perfectly fresh Big Mac. You would get a perfectly fresh box of fries. So stop taking your family to McDonald's. It's fucking your order up, mate. Or take all of your family in a trinch can. What would you be a mystery shopper for, Don? If you've got any stories, by the way,

if anyone's ever done any mystery shopping, I'm intrigued. Would you be a concave mystery shopper? No, because I don't do it anymore, Carl. Okay, would you have been? No, it's a bad thing. Also, my wife watches this and she's not entertained by the drug chat anymore. Don't do drugs.

We don't let him do it anymore. Don't go to Mackeys with your family. What would you do a mystery shopper for then if you could? Fucking- Bugatti. Bugatti's top line sports car. Look at him, he's just a little bit of order Bugatti. What would you buy? The saver, the saver meal. What do you do them for? Holidays? Surely like-

Yeah, they're on cruises aren't they? Oh no, I'm not getting trapped on a- They have mystery shoppers on like a cruise. Aqua Nano Wagon round the fucking Mediterranean. Trip advisor reviewers, innit? Yeah. Surely they must pay people to go to like, like package holidays and stuff. Yeah, hotels must be doing secret shopping. But the thing is though, like when I worked there,

you know, a lot has changed in 14 to 16 years, like in terms of how we consume and review things. Back then, that was the only way. There was no Google review. Yeah, so that was the way that like things got rated by, you know, like that. Maybe McDonald's don't have that anymore because. They'll look on TripAdvisor and Google reviews and be like, oh, people have a good or bad experience.

Maybe they do both. But like now there's a lot more direct customer feedback, isn't it? Yeah. Finn signed up to be a mystery shopper. Yeah. It does say. I didn't know you could just do it. I thought it was just the specific kind of job.

Well, you had to get chosen. I thought you had to go to uni for it or something. It's like Geordie duty. Uni? Yeah. University. Business. Like retail and stuff. No you literally just have to taste a big mac and be like, it's a good one though. Yeah you have to be. Like you could get like available. I'm available. How many did you do in a day? Like by the fucking fourth, Mac is your secret shopping. Is it just one assignment a day as a secret shopper? Surely you can't be going in and doing three in a fucking... Just to be clear, I was never the secret shopper. You are like a pinnacle of knowledge when it comes to McDonald's.

Yes. I just keep coming back to you. Can you imagine being a secret shopper in Zara? Oh, you've got, there's ones where you like are just public transport mystery shopper. They are the worst one. You just got to get the bus. Get on the bus. You say thank you. That's part of the challenge. Yeah. Does the driver kick off if you don't say thank you. I think if you're in Zara, I'm a secret shopper and all the staff ignore you and then just send 25 minutes to get in your stuff.

I think they must fail regularly. Isn't it mad that when you used to get off a bus or on a bus and you'd say nice one mate and it was a woman, it felt like the worst thing in the world. But now I call women mate all the time. Like that used to be a thing. I don't want to jump in front of the bus. Yeah. I went nice one mate and saw it was a woman. Excuse me, I am a female officer. I find that offensive. Yeah, but 20 years ago, it ruined your day. I am a, hey, hey, hey, I'm a female. And I'm gonna fucking bang you out.

It's in front of Blackpool Tower, that. It's random as fuck. Hey, hey. She must be goated, you know. Have you seen the one that goes around Piccadilly Gardens It's in front of Blackpill Tower that. It's random as well. She must be goated you know. Have you seen the one that goes around Piccadilly Gardens and he just gets in fights with like homeless people. He's Canadian or something. Busy? No he's not, he's just like a vlogger. He's just a whatever, a YouTuber. And he ends up

like he's got a body cam and looks like the scrotes of Piccadilly Gardens getting fucking tussles with him and he ended up just like body kicking them away. It's the most mental thing, you're like, stop going to town mate. What the fuck are you doing? You pissing him off. Oh, I think he's a cunt. What's his channel? What's it called? Hey! I am a female!

Anyone who's wearing a body cam and they're getting in fucking scraps like homeless people and stuff is literally antagonizing them for the footage. God, shit. All the time. Annoying as fuck. I'm a female and I find that offensive. It's really funny. There's a moment in it where the guy who's recording that

realizes it's not illegal to be offensive. And about three seconds later, she realizes the same thing where he's like, right, you can't arrest me for that. I'm arresting you for hurting my feelings. I am a police officer, female police officer in front of Blackpool Tower. And I think the best thing about all of it is

he wasn't doing it. It was a genuine mistake as well. Like, and it's a reasonable one because she looks like a fucking. Speaker 2. Romelu Lukaku. No, she doesn't. I mean, he looks like the build. I couldn't have picked a person. She looks like Scouse Craig. won the first big brother. Craig Phillips. She does though doesn't she? Oh God. That's why he became a builder because he was named after the screwdriver.

She'd love to send him to prison. That's true though. Why? He was named Craig Phillips, that's why he became a builder. Why? He's named after the screwdriver, that's a fact. I think that was a waste of the bullshit though. Yeah, it was a lie.

That's a break. Thanks for the insight. We covered some ground there mate. Do you know all about Mackys now? Yes. Drugs, Mackys and Craig Phillips. What more do you want from part one? Don't do drugs. Don't tell your families to Mackys. Don't do Craig Phillips. And don't insult female police officers when you look at Blackpool Tower. Hey!

See you in a bit. of the Have A Word podcast, sign up to our Patreon, patreon.com slash have a word pod. You get an extra episode every Wednesday, the Patreon exclusive. You get the video of the public episode and all of the specials backdated to 1971. Oh, join one of the 28 and a half thousand fucking legends who can't be wrong. You can't, you can't be wrong. And the roasts out.

Yeah, the roasts out. Roasts just come out. Unbelievable stuff. Three pounds to see every. Yeah, the roasts out. The roasts just come out. Unbelievable stuff. Three pounds to see every second of everything we've ever made. That's all it is. So. I'm going to New York in the morning.

That's good. I'm going to have all the food. I'm going to have the pizza. And you know, I'm going to have the vegetarian super meal and I'm going to have bagels because the Brooklyn Jews, they know how to have bagels because the Brooklyn Jews they know how to do bagels very well. Oh that bagel we had on the first bagel we had was fucking unreal mate. How can you be anti-semestral please? Because of bagels?

Yeah. Simply because of bagels. Come on Palestine. Well it would help. You keep going there lately. It would help. It would help. It would help. Bagels out. Yeah. They've been aggressive, but taste that. And how is Paul McCartney? You went to see everyone's favorite granddad. He's well, he's doing well. He's an 82 year old. He's not doing well. You put on your Instagram story. He sounds like me. See, I was taking the piss saying he's 82, but he is. Is he being shipped like Frankie Valli? He did.

No, nowhere near Frankie Valli. Frankie Valli's been dead for five years. That's what he sounds like. Have you seen Frankie Valli? It's like someone's got a gun off stage, go and blow your head off. But he's a clone now, isn't he? Like 100%.

He's not running his own brain there. No, exactly. It looks like AI. You know, like when AI hasn't quite got like the eye lines right yet. That's what he looks like. Paul McCartney. Can you, have you got that video on your phone? Yeah, yeah. I can, I can slide it in. No, but can you play it now for Carl so Carl can hear what McCartney's called? One minute. Which one was it? The Christmas one or the other one? The Christmas one. That's the one I see. Okay. Play it into the microphone. He doesn't say the whole way without having to take a breath halfway through it. So he's not played that song since 2018. Big deal.

How do you know that? I read a review about it. He's a fucking Beatle, mate. Just go to bed. All your money. What are you doing? No, keep going. Forever.

So I can go again i might be going again on thursday you're the problem where's he playing london right so i'm tempted we're doing film club on thursday we're not doing on wednesday um i'm i'm tempted to go again it was one it was it was it was is it like is it like when your nana's not very well and you've got to get in as many visits as you can just in case you get a phone call. Is that how you, is this like the saying goodbye to Nana tour? That was, that was Saturday night.

That was right. We got this, we've got it done now. Cause you've never seen him before. It's off the conscience. I've seen him do two songs before, but that wasn't enough. But he's not dying quicker. What?

You're really, you let him rest. He does two, he does two hours, two and a half hours without a break. He's. But he's like, die quicker. What? You really, you let him rest. He's not. He does two hours, two and a half hours without a break. He's 82. It's like Taylor Swift. She's not, she's 35. Yes, but he does that and he's all right. His family needs to give him the Michael Schumacher treatment.

Lock him in a cupboard and don't let anyone see it. Go sad. Yeah. No. Michael Schumacher's not playing live anymore. It wasn't sad. It wasn't sad. He's not at his peak.

That is true. His peak was 60 years ago. I will admit that. I tell you what, you're a brave man to admit Paul McCartney's not at his peak. His peak was 60 years ago. But the back catalogue is unbelievable. I do listen to it on Spotify. I want to see it. I want to see. Would you go and see Bruce Forte? And he's dead now. What would you go and see him? No, cause I didn't like Bruce Forsythe. He was, they were rolling him out as well. I'm telling you right now, if they did a play your cards right live tour, we'd have gone

to that. You saw Fleetwood Mac and loved it. Yeah, but they were, they were not past their peak. Yes they were. They were like in their seventies. No, of course were not past their peak. I'm not saying. Yes, they were. They were like in their seventies. No, of course they were past their peak, but they weren't, it wasn't upsetting. That wasn't upsetting.

It was joyful. That was upsetting to me. It was very, I like it. He's one of us, because you're the well. What's the demographic of Paul McCartney? Really mixed, really mixed. Ethnically. Not ethically, not ethnically at all.

No, no, no. Age wise. Really white, really mixed ages. Right. A lot of fun. Mixed Asians. Mixed Asians. Was everyone else sad? No, it was a lovely atmosphere. Some people were sad. Joe, who you all know, who I went with, he was like, yeah, that was a bit underwhelming. Whereas I loved it. I had a great time. But you've got like Stockholm syndrome with it, haven't you? The Beatles? It's not Stockholm syndrome. They are class. I don't want to go out and live there.

They were class. This isn't something that's in the... They were class and most of them are dead. Their music's still class. This isn't wild. Let the Beatles die. It's 2000 and just stop asking Paul McCartney to sing and let him go and sit in my bay and get sucked off.

You're killing your hero by buying tickets. I think he'd die without it. I don't know the man. No, he should be getting blown till the day he dies. No, and that's it. Is it Beatle? Let him go. He should wake up, get sucked off, have a margarita, have a nap and then wake up.

He should do that six times a day till he dies and that should be it. It goes like a Margarita. There's a very funny story about him and Liam Gallagher and Margarita. No, let's hear the funny story. It's not funny. It's a very funny story. It is a funny story.

It's a very funny story, Carl. Let's listen. No, it's not gonna be now. Oh, fucks sake. No, Finn. I believe it is. I'm ready to laugh. Go on, tell us this very funny story

about Paul McCartney and his marks. Before I start, go and find Liam telling it. It's much better. Liam was backstage at the Albert Hall and Paul McCartney came in and went, do you want to do a Paul McCartney voice? Oh yeah, mate. You should put me coach over it.

You know he needs to know what Paul McCartney said. He's going to say, would you like a margarita? Oh, would you like a margarita? No, that's American. I can do it, go on. Would you like a Margarita? Oh, would you like a Margarita? No, that's American. I can do it. Go on. Would you like a Margarita? I'm Paul McCartney and he said that's Liam Gallagher. Okay. I'm just a Kevin and Penny quote. Okay. Oh, hello there Liam lad. Hey, still ripping us off. Are you kidding? Anyway, would you like a Margarita? Look at me boots. Where can I put me coat? Liam said, no, it's all right. I've just eaten.

And Paul McCartney goes, I meant the drink you saff... Oh, fuck, I fucked up. No, no, Finn. Finn. I'm just gonna leave. Finn! Finn! Sorry. Finn! That was Saturday.

I'm Paul McCartney, so I've got to do that line, haven't I? Yeah, yeah. Your name, Gallagher. He says, not the food, you soft cunt. Not the food, you soft cunt. I meant the little bevy, if you don't mind. Look at me boots. Can't wait to see the clip of this.

That's like over. Hello, yep, I've got the guy. Look at me boots. What do you mean? Well, it's the name of a pizza as well as a drink. Yep, the hostage is dead, look at me boots. What do you mean? Well, it's the name of a pizza as well as a drink. Yeah, the hostage is dead. Look at me boots. Sorry.

What situation is someone going to walkie talkie? Going, yeah, hey, hello, yeah, no, I've got the guy. Over. A policeman? No, we wouldn't say over. Look at me boots. That was ready for the story though. Anyway, I had a lovely time. Very funny that. Very. I had a lovely time and no one's going to take it away from me. Don't care what you say. I had a lovely time, bought a t-shirt,

40 quid. This is Paul McCartney skit. No, the word's quite expensive for marriage these days isn't it fuck off I like it how you did that as a beetle You did that as a beetle Bitching about much my god. So no one's eating the prices. Yeah, cuz that's you know well Should we be a bit more diplomatic about that? We understand that some of our items are made to be expensive But the option is to either sell it at that price or not sell it at all And we haven't sold it for a year because of that.

So, Yeah, and also you're a Beatle, so you can afford it. Stop bitching. We're selling it for that price because that's the place it needs to be. We're having an argument with no one here. No, we're not. There's a guy, and you know who you are,

you're fucking soft. There's very little money in merch sales, trust us. So we're doing it because you just keep asking for merch. So you've got it and you've got the option to buy it. And if you don't want to buy it because it's too expensive, fine, don't get it. Get some stickers. Oh, bloody hell, this Lamborghini

is a bit expensive, isn't it? Yeah, we've started selling half a word Lamborghini's I think. No, but I mean, I just leave the Lamborghini dealership and buy a fucking Ford cash card. You know, there's no other things, not even Ford, it's Nissan. Is he skinned?

Paul, no, I think he's doing all right. I think he makes more money every time he farts than we've ever made in our lives. It's when you go on holiday for two weeks and you want to do stand-up. I think if he just stopped doing that he'd just like wither. I've got to be honest, if I'm 90... How old are you? 82. If I'm 82 and still doing stand-up. Yeah, you're fucked up. You're skinned. If I'm 82 and still doing stand up, you felt you fucked it. You're skinned like 82. I will be getting, if I'm, if I'm, and I've got his money, if you were still selling out arenas, what's he worth? It built over a billion. It's not about, it's not Carl. He's not doing it to pay the rent. You can't even breathe. You can't keep going back to that. It's just,

he should just fucking spend his money. There's not any billionaire 82 year old still doing their job. Yeah there is. There's loads of 82 year old billionaires doing their job. They don't time out of it do they? All the fucking guys who own NFL teams, they're all ancient. They keep going. It's because they want the power, the influence and they enjoy what they do. They just want good seats at the NFL. They want the power. Who's his bed? Paul McCartney yeah

Nancy something Pelosi Reagan Nancy rake yeah he's there isn't a throuple and he loves Nancy's I'm telling you right now if I'm an 82 year old billionaire one day I will not be doing the Manchester Arena Christmas time that's a fact I bet he's still be gigging occasionally Occasionally, yeah. For me, I'd be going to comedy clubs and having a laugh. He's doing it for him. How many tours dates is this tour? It's a lot. The last one is on Thursday. Is he being held hostage by the executors of his will?

I think the Beatles are doing all right. Two of them are dead. The live ones are doing all right money-wise. Is Ringo gigging? Yeah, occasionally. He's just cancelled because he had a hip replacement. No words, it's just him. He's just cancelled his talk to do hip replacement. I know that, he's all right.

By the way, if you're trough, you've got Ringo tickets. Lizard. I don't watch Ringo. Oh, I got one of the 80 tickets. I wouldn't pay loads. Is Pete best still alive? He best still knocking about. Yeah. He's always in the cabin. Is he? Yeah. He's doing hot water next week. Don't think that's the same legendary scouser called Pete. Yeah. He must be gossed in the cabin. Cause I know you like, Hey, by the way, that was it. Yeah. But he is that, you know who it is. So it is, that's Pete best that was in the

Beatles. Hang on. Wait there. If Pete best was in this room right now, I couldn't tell you which one he was. That could be Pete best for like, I'd be like, why does an eight, eight year old's girl sit in this room? I'm actually a Pete best mate. He loves dying out on the story that they kicked him out because he was shagging too much. That's his story. He's got that. That's what I go with as well. That's a real... Oh yeah. Weren't you in the Beatles mate? Yeah I was getting too much pussy so they had to let me go. I used to be a Beatle but I shagged too many women and he said no. I was hugging all the pussy from Paul McCartney and John Lennon. Show you where mate. Yeah. I used to be one of them Beatles mate, shag too much room. I left them have the Asian one and the one with one leg and I was like the

rest of mine and they were like you need to go. The rest of mine. We're not having this Peter. I get me mate Ringo in, he's a gimp. Shagging no one. Just no shagging. Ringo wasn't shagging. Rest in peace. Soon. Rest in peace.

Paul McCartney. Paul McCartney's got a decade at least left in him. Oh Finn, stop enabling this. No no, I don't mean he's going to be touring for 10 years necessarily. He's going to be alive for that long. Final sections that I've just realized. Deadpool. We need to do Deadpool. Oh, is it time? It is. Don't you, any of you put any Beatles on this coin right on there. Pete Best, we all ducked it this year. None of us got a single one. Really? Yeah. Right, we'll go through that. You got Angela Lansbury, but she was already dead.

Yeah, you can't do that. All right, Abraham Lincoln. I've got a good feeling about it. Same rules? Someone's going to be below 50? One below 50. And two. It's going to be alive as well.

Yeah, but it's draft in it. So like, if you take it, like, we probably need a little 15 minute break to have a little think. Is there any off the, off the thingies? Off the table. When you're not allowed to do anyone you'd picked already. Like you can't roll over. Yeah. You can't, you can't pick anyone.

Luigi. All right. Last section we'll do the Deadpool. Yeah. Luigi. Man, G, only meat. Let's do some X. Harry, could you give me an X jingle? Just make one up.

Let's do some Ix. Harry, could you give me an Ix jingle? Just make one up. Rastafarian Ix. I don't know. I did my Jamaican one at the karaoke and in my head I'm like next time they ask me for a jingle I'll do like a bit of a... Why Rastafarian? I don't know. Don't we have an Ix jingle now anyway? We're not Rastafarian. You might be. Rastafari.'t we have an Ix jingle now anyway? We're not Rastafarian. You might be. Rastafari.

Rastafari Ix. Okay, that's the one. Will Sheridan says, Ix, girls that are obsessed with Disney and wear Disney merch out and about and make it their personality. Disney girls are weird. I don't know. Disney adults are weird. Yeah, the ones that go to Disney World like multiple times a year. Oh yeah, that's just a girl's healthy obsession, isn't it? That's what a Disney to Disney World like multiple times a year. Oh yeah. That's just

unhealthy obsession. Isn't it? That's what a Disney girl is. I've got to jump her. Oh, I just pictured a woman in a sexy Minnie Mouse costume. Sorry. You can do that with Ellioton. Sorry. I was confused. Just imagine a really fit there. I think Paul McCartney live shit. Imagine him in a Minnie Mouse outfit. Oh yeah. I'm into it now. Yeah, it's just, it's fine, isn't it? If you like Disney, but it's the ones who get so far into it. It's like anything. If they go hardcore. Yeah. Anyone who's truly like truly obsessed with something like that, it is just a bit like if that's their only thing. I know you could say that about like country stuff with me, but I'm obsessed with loads of things. So it doesn't count. Yeah. If you, I don't know actually the, I don't mind a bit of dress up. She was like,

there was a lot of dress up. I said, Oh, I've got my goofy hat on. Do they get to bang? I know, but did they get to bang like that? They probably want to. Yeah. But you can't bang Moana. That's a child. I mean, that's not anymore. She's also a drawing. No, I mean someone dressed up as Moana. Moana's got to be at least 22 by now. The actual actress. No, the character. Let's not shag any Disney women. Moana's fit. Moana's 16 years old. Was she 16 on Moana one? Cause Moana 2 is set later. Draw some lines under her eyes, make her tits a bit bigger and she's 21. I mean that means you're grooming Moana surely? Like you've invested in her.

Oh she's 19. Fair, okay Dan. Fine. Poker haunt us mate, she's an older Moana. A poke-hair haunter? Yeah she fucks poker haunts us. Me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, we're haunt us. You know, my haunt us is fucking. Alex line says my girlfriend says this gives her the bad. When I'm emptying the dishwasher, I pull the little cutlery basket thing out

and carry it across the cutlery drawer for easy unloading. My girlfriend says it dries her up because she thinks it makes me look like little red riding hood carrying the basket across the kitchen. Am I right and she needs to wind her neck in or does she have a point? No, she doesn't have a point. He's unloading the dishwasher.

What more do you want? You grab all of the cutlery with your hand and you don't go, ooh in or does she have a point? No, she doesn't have a point. He's unloading the dishwasher. What more do you want? You grab all of the colouring with your hand and you don't go, ooh. You do it like a man. No, I take the fucking thing out and then I take the things out and put them in the fucking thing. Because it's just the norm. Oh, hey, love, because you unloaded the dishwasher. Put Tim Fieffert off. No, stop having fun.

Go and unload the dishwasher for us. And don't do it like that. You're giving me a dry pussy. Shut up Just invented an entire scenario there. Well, I can sit can't you see it? My fucking hauntus is dry cuz of you Got an itchy hauntus It's an asshole man, who wants a wet asshole?

Oh a wet asshole Who's made it wet? Bad news innit, my hauntus isn't too right. Good. Give me a dry hauntus, babe. You're welcome. Abi says, hi, lids. I've got an ick for you. When lads drink VKs in the club, sorry, do better and grow up. Don't be a fucking 13-year-old child with a VK.

Yeah, I get it, but also I'm fully aware that would give women the it. And even if I was a single man in the club, if I fancy a VK, I'm having a VK. Yeah. Yeah. Is VK just for when the car is not available? Is it like a cheap public? Hey, they, they do, they do different flavors as well. They do the classic blue. They do the iron brew and they do many places just for you. Yeah. The gender was good. You're in the pocket of big VK. The fluorescent green one's quite nice. It's like tropical. Listen, it's good. Like it's good, but like it is a weird drink. But like, yeah, you look pathetic as a grown man drinking it. You look pathetic, but I'll drink it with a

fucking straw mate. It's delicious. Yeah. But if I brought you one over, you go, is it the same? Is it the same for Bacardi Breezer as well? Yeah's the same drink isn't it? It's an alcohol pop isn't it? It's toxic masculinity at play isn't it? When you were 18 though, 19, I couldn't give a shit about any of this. No one cared about it, you just got on with it. I can't give a shit about it now, but it is valid. If I want a hooch, I'm going to have a hooch. Oh mate, I'll have a hooch anyway.

That doesn't count. Hooch is in its own like... I can't a hooch mate, that's the gear. You know what I think it is? What about the pink hooch? Yeah, who'll hooch anyway. That doesn't count. Hooch is in it's own like. I can't a hooch mate, that's the gear. Fuck, we're more than a pink hooch. Yeah, who a hooch? Do you know what? I think hooch is like the size of the bottle and can it comes in, separates it. I think it's cause like a VK,

you could hold it with like two fingers and a thumb. And it often has just, you just. Also gin in a tin, that's quite feminine. Mate, I'll nail them all night. Oh, I don't mind that. Don't mind that. It's a bit more grown up feeling. It's the 300 mil and below,

the 275 mil bottle alcohol pops. You look like a bit of a fucking... Yeah, get a Jena Bowel. It looks like a J2O. Hey, I've got a slab of all the flavors of Hooch, if anyone's into it. Who look like? Have you actually? Bring it in. I've got raspberry lemonade, lemon the flavors of hooch if anyone's into it. Have you actually? Bring it in.

I've got raspberry lemonade, lemon and the tropical one. A girl came to the CCC and she worked for hooch and has dropped off three crates of it and unsurprisingly I'm struggling to get rid of it. What have we missed? Fucking bit of a jenna bowum over it. Do you know what a jenna bowum is? Do you know what your magnum is a jenner ball. I'm just bigger than that.

But sounds like a sled. Isn't it? And jenner ball with a bottle over there. You want to be okay? But I did the point and Adam knew what I was saying. It's telepathic. No beds should be the name of our podcast when he dies. Telepathic nobbeds. Should be the name of that podcast when he dies.

Telepathic nobbeds. Kurt Carruthers, got an Ick for you lot. People who start talking in a foreign accent or using random words in another language mid-sentence. We get it, you spent the summer in Spain. There's no need to say gracias to the bar staff in Wetherspoons. Who does this? Hasn't like an English person using it? Yeah. In Spain or over here? No, I mean I think he's saying over here. Oh don't do it over there, it's quite, you know sometimes it's played to use their code but like... It's the person who really accentuates the like the spanish name of the food

yeah yeah yeah it's like half jalapenos like someone else so you should say oh no it's a little pretentious i can see i can see why someone would take issue with it i think like if you've got an a level in spanish sometimes sometimes i'll use like words like this just like because they're just parts of my vernacular cause I just like having more words to use. Right. You know what I mean? Give us an example.

Like sometimes I'm leaving here and I'll go au revoir to use. Yeah, I think they mean like, oh, we're in a French restaurant and you say au revoir to the staff, but try ordinary. Oh right, well then yeah. Yeah, if you were ordering pudding and you go crème brûlée, you know? I don't even like it. I don't know why. Well then yeah. Yeah. If you were ordering pudding and you got crème brûlée. You know?

I don't even like it. I don't know why I'm ordering it. I only ordered it because I can say it in French. Fucking love a crème brûlée mate. Crème brûlée lad. Yeah. It's when you use it to like, oh he's French. I'll say au revoir.

A jalapeno. What I do love though, is when I'm in like a fancy restaurant like that, and it is like a foreign cuisine and you had a proper scouter do that like in the wild and they're not messing like when you're in a scout, so I go, you're right love. Yes. She's going to have to tell him a suit and I'm going to have to cream brulee. Like it is class cream cream to cream brolies. Okay. So I say grads in a Italian restaurant sometimes. I'm literally, I've just checked myself. I have done exactly this grads because I've worked in an Italian restaurant. So I'm basically part of the culture. Um, it's exactly the

ick that they've just done. Johnny Nuttall says, do you do that thing where you're leaving a restaurant? Do you say thank you to the chef sometime? Do you ever do that? I don't walk into the kitchen. What? Do you walk into the kitchen? Excuse me, I'm out of the way there.

No, I'm going to say thank you to the chef. Like the fella on the plane. No, I don't want to shake his arm. Yeah, I don't wander around the back of the restaurant. So what would you do? If you ever pass the, like if it's an open kitchen. Yeah. Yeah. Nice one, thank you lads. Sometimes I go, oh yeah, nice one. You go, oh, like if it's an open kitchen. Yeah. Yeah.

Sometimes they go, oh yeah, nice one. You go, oh, I'll bell to that lad, nice one. Yeah. Always thank people who've given you good service regardless. I feel like they should be thanked over the waiter or waitress. Depends. Well, I mean... Is the food better than the service?

No, but I mean, essentially you're saying... You can have bad food, but good service. I've had that before. You should be thanking everybody you can who's made your night good. That's why I go around the back and find You can have bad food, but good service. I've had that before. You should be thanking everybody you can, who's made your night good. That's why I go around the back and find the cleaner. Thank you, lad. Those floors, unbelievable. Grazie.

You should be, show gratitude towards everyone who does you well. No, but I mean, I just don't think, I think sometimes you go, thank you, that was great. Sometimes say it to the chefs and they're like- I've seen people, I've worked in restaurants and I've seen fellas go, I wanna go and thank the chef and they've gone it to the chefs and they're like, I've seen people, I've worked in restaurants and I've seen fellows go, I want to go and thank the chef. And they've gone down to the pass and gone,

I am eight and the chef is grateful, but a bit like a bit much. It's a bit of a show of like an old show of like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Good that I want to go and thank him for that. I've seen that a few times. Yeah, we had that in the Italian restaurant that I worked out.

Someone literally wanted to come back and yeah, it's a bit much in it. It's a bit show off. And the woman who wanted to tip me 20 quid, I was like 17 and she actually came into the kitchen to give me 20 quid. I don't know why she just seen me and gone. I want to choose pissed middle-aged woman. That's good though.

I like that. And then found me and then I felt under loads of pressure to fuck her. To fuck her. I shagged her. Yeah. I shagged her. And you I shagged her. Oh, fuck. And you know what she said? Grazie. That's how you know.

I put it right in her creme brulee. Right in her haunties. Right in her haunties. She had a creamy haunties. I think you know what I mean. Do you know what I mean? Creme brulee's the front, haunties is the back. I got a creme brulee in the front.

They're fucking sunky haunties. If you go to a fancy restaurant like Fine Dine and often the chef does a little lap at the end. Like Alan Sheeran. Can I just say I was the KP and I was hiding. I wasn't like doing the 17 year old lad scene scheme. Thank you. Thank you.

If anyone wants to haunt us. German Alan Sheeran. German. No, Alan Sheeran. Who like my breakfast? Ah! Um, What? Um, yeah.

They'll come round the table and be like tell me how good my scram was lads. Go ahead. I sat with that guy, who's the famous chef? I can't even remember. He's not that famous. Oh, James Martin. Yeah. And that was weird. He's dead tall. Who's James Martin? He's a television chef. Oh, James Martin. Yeah. And that was weird. He's dead tall. Who's James Martin? He's a television chef. He went to a restaurant a few months ago and he came and sat on the table and was like asking for it. He sat down and was like, was the food?

Do you want some? He's like, was your food good? And I was like, well, you made it. What do you want me to say? Oh, Carl, you're a Michelin star chef and Carl, what a combo that is. What do you think of the sound? No, he went, was it good? And I was like, well, yeah, you made it. I'm not going to say it was shy. Was it him cooking or was it just his gaff?

No, so every now and again, he'll, he's on the passes and he's supposed to control the restaurant rather than cooking it. But he went, yeah, I got me helicopter down. I was like, oh, you're a cunt. While I'm in New York, I'm going to see a very, very famous chef. He's doing my dinner. I don't know his name. Just say it in Marko.

He's Asian. I can get it up. Oh yeah. Just say it in Mark. His name is... Fucking hell. yo da da da da da his name is fucking hell well this isn't going to be right teated to sankar john john from mosley hill how would you pronounce that uh teated yeah i think you know, it's a Sankajan. Is he Malaysian? He's definitely Asian. I don't know whether it's Malay. Are you sure it wasn't Titi and someone said say thank you to John?

Or have you just mixed it up? He's number one on Asia's 50 best of 2023. Oh wow. And Asia's got lots of people in it. Yeah. Johnny Nuttall says, what's happening, Liv's got a nick for you. Went on holiday recently with my wife's family. Her sister and her fella came too. One afternoon, after he'd been in the pool, he got out and wrapped his towel around him,

but under the arms at chest height, like a woman covering her tits. I have no idea how his girlfriend didn't leave him there and then. He does this? No! Yes yes you do. It's a fact. I've seen it. I've seen it. I did it once. Oh just once with me. You liar. You look like an African coming out, an African lady coming out for a ceremonial like wedding. No I did it once. No you said to me you did it because you saw an ex girlfriend do it

and that's how you land or maybe your mum, but you learned it from a woman because they have to cover the tits. Yeah. But I've seen you do it more than once. It's hilarious. But when you talk the piss out of me I stop. It's quite like, I don't know, it's quite affable. It's quite like I don't give a fuck.

Yeah. Again. Why do you want wet tits? How long do you need tits? I dry my tits as well. Sorry, this is a crime. You're a crime. So I dry tits as well, sorry, this is a crime! You're a crime!

So I dry tits as a man! See I do the ugly thing of I dry my whole body and then scamp it in the dressing room. I don't have a towel around me. You've got like 19 kimonos. I've usually got a robe in the room. Dragons? Kimono dragons. He covered me. With guns.

They'd shatter all over me. Safe life, come on. Scarper. Erm, I, my routine now is, here's what I do, especially with the longer hair, get out the shower, got one towel, I do a proper towel dry of me hair

before I leave the bathroom, I then do the towel dry of me hair before I leave the bathroom. I then do the masculine wrap of the towel. Just around the waist. Yeah, covering you cock. I go into me underwear room. That does sound like I've got a room just for underwear. I haven't. There's a spare room in the flat.

My bedroom isn't big enough for me to keep all my clothes in my underwear in there. Underpants. So in the spare bedroom, there's a chest room in the flat. My bedroom isn't big enough for me to keep all my clothes in my underwear in there. So in the spare bedroom, there's a chest of drawers in it that has all my undies in. So I go in there, get my undies and socks. Oh, your socks are in there as well. They're not in the separate wing.

No. No, not in the four bedrooms. Where's Adam? He's on the tree. 13 year old men flat share a living. Full of opulence. And then I go and sit on my bed and dry my cock. Put me undies straight on.

This is why he's late. You grab your undies with a wet cock. This is why he's always late. What? You grab your undies with a wet cock. I have to towel around me. Oh, right, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

And then, yeah, dry me bottom half, get me socks and undies on and then start getting ready. Yeah. I, I have to have my socks and undies on before I put any kind of trousers on. I can't put my socks on. If you've got jeans, you look like, oh, it's so ugly. You know, that's not, that's everybody by the way. Jeans with no socks. With no undies.

No, no socks. It's ugliest proper. With no undies. No socks, it's ugly as fuck. Like your dog, you know what I mean? Yeah, it's undies, socks, pants, shirt, jumper, shoes. And I put me right shoe on first. Cowboy hat. Yeah. Right shoe goes on first. Don't know why. Leanne says, my fellow went to get his phone

out of his pocket and dropped it by throwing it up by accident. Looked like it needed a cartoon slip sound effect, so shite. Yeah, I've done that recently. Where you actually, you feel it dropping. And through panic you just was it in the air. If I drop something I always volley it, like as a weird, to try and save it. But you end up just volleying it, making it worse. Faye says, I've got an ick, my ex kids.

My ex used to read in bed. Made me feel like I was sleeping with a teacher, big ick. Who said this? Faye. What are you meant to read? Danny, you alright? You used to read in bed then? I do, I read in bed last night.

I used to read in bed. Oh, what a cunt. Are you alright? Reading in bed, that's aspirational. I wish I read in bed, yeah. Yeah, I'd love to read in bed. So I can read in bed and I'm like, oh sick you. I wish I read in bed. Yeah. I just love to read in bed. So I can read in bed and look at you. Oh, sick you. I can't be arsed. Yeah. I can see

why it might not be the sexiest thing. You know, as you place in the sort of intelligence is very sexy. Depends what you're reading. I'm currently reading a biography of Henry the fifth. Yeah. Like if you're reading,rid Henry. I don't even know, those are fifth, I only know the eighth. What? Talk me through it? I only know the eighth one. Well, it starts at Ocean's 11. So it's very possible to start with Henry VIII. Yeah, Henry didn't start at the eighth.

You're the first Henry. No, I want to be the eighth. I'm a lucky number. Like Stevie G. He's just a big red. So tell us about Henry V. Henry V, the second king of the house of Lancaster. Is he the one buried under Tesco?

No, that's Richard the fucking third from the house of York. Rat. He won Agincourt, won the battle of Agincourt. Spoilers. What was that? He's quite the French. Where was that? In France or England? Yeah, Agincourt is famously not in Warwickshire. It's inatted the French? Where was that? In France or England?

Yeah, Agincourt is famously not in Warwickshire, it's in France. I don't know that. Fucking away win, yeah? Yeah, absolutely away win. Why were we beefing? 100 Years War, it was started by his great grandfather, Edward III. Was it named that after?

No, it was in Agincourt. 100 Year War, was that named after the start? What after? No, it was in Agincourt. No, was it named after the Hundred Year War? Was that named after the start? Cool, yeah, yeah. No, they didn't, they didn't go, I'm just going to put an S- them on it. 100 years at least. So it was afterwards. Was it bang on 100 years? No, I think it was about 114. They should call it the 114 year war then. I just don't think it's as good for the press. He was a great king, great warring king. A hero of Henry the eighth, apparently. How many wives? One. Black Betty.

I think they don't really focus on his. How many kids? Oh, they all had about, they all had about 16 kids and eight of them died before they were two. What was his thing? This is medieval England. What was his thing? Like Henry used to cut women's heads off.

What was his? Going over to France and winning wars. That was his big thing. He's a great king. Apparently. How do I know? Who's the best king? I think Henry the fifth is, Henry the fifth is held up as one of the greatest English kings. Edward the third. Who wrote the book? Were they there? It's not an autobiography. I'm fucking sick, man. I fucking hate Frenchies. Who wrote the book? Was he there? I mean, around the time. What, Dan Jones? No, he wasn't. How was he writing the book then?

Just going off all the archives. So it's basically just another Bible. Could be full of shit. Yeah, there isn't any photographs. Maybe we lost that. I know it's insane, but I won't believe something that I can't watch. Yeah. But you don't care about it. So it's nothing. I wouldn't be the fifth. What if the French took over me? It won't be. Would I be French if I was? Right. Yeah, maybe. So we talked. When did we talk about that? When he's like, I don't believe history. And at that point I was like, you're chatting shit. And then as times gone on, I've

read like the odd bit of history. I've been like bollocks this. It's written by the winners, isn't it? Yeah. A lot of it's all propaganda. Henry the fifth is also a very famous one of the sort of Shakespeare plays that was very famous, but it was written for Queen Elizabeth. All that shit was just propaganda. So Richard the third, all the stuff about being a hunchback and killing his niece and his nephews in the tower. Oh, Richard the third is not boring, but it's all, it was just a smear campaign a hundred years later to sort of make the Lancastrian line look stronger. And he died in Tesco? And he died in a Tesco in Leicester.

Getting a meal deal. Yeah, I know it's insane. I realize it's insane, but I can't believe things that happened more than like 80 years ago. But you've got every, the further you go back, you're absolutely allowed to question, but they're just going off what they've got, which is the archives, all the legal papers, everything that happened through parliament, and then everyone's letters and diaries. Because there are thousands of sources. The further you get back, there's less and less and less.

History South, World War I. I only found out yesterday that the people who wrote the Bible didn't know they were writing the Bible. Do you know what I mean? Was it Constantine? Constantine basically went, there was about 37 of them, wasn't there? No, like the people who wrote the stories had it in the Bible, were just fucking chatting wamp.

They were just like, hey, you heard what fucking Jesus did back then, and then someone wrote that down. And put it all together. And put it all together. No, there was like 37 versions of it. And Emperor Constantine went, ah, this is too is too many pick four that's the New Testament and now people tons was thrown out the rack of Moses full of shit King David I'm gonna say full of shit might not have even existed King David doesn't really exist Jesus probably

existed that's it who was King David I've seen the Bible. It's all mad, innit? It all started with World War I. History. Is it? Is it the first photo? Sorry, for everyone that's horrifically wound up by that. Oh, look at this guy, this is from 1600. It's always a drawing.

Yeah. You know, history isn't just pictures, Carl. There's more going on. It's easy to lie through words. Yeah, you're right. But at some point you have to accept there has to be an element of truth about it. What is the great conspiracy that all history has been made up pre 1914? Because you haven't got a photograph of it. And then also photographs can be altered Connie, which we know like I've seen Photoshop in the 1600s. Oh, that's true. I just I hate myself for it. But if you know all this happened in 1620

I'm like you don't know that Hmm it does there are fire and 1666 now 1666 as well in the future doesn't it? And I'll just on their bad maths. I think we've just discounted everything. 16,000. The great. So wait until we get there. Fork of Nostradamus over here.

By the way, 16,066 like in 14,000 years time and a bit, they probably will call that 16 66. Cause what else would you call it? That's why I got mixed up. I didn't think we're still around in 14,000 years. Me? No, I think, I think we still podcasted. Welcome to episode 7 million. Do you think humans are? No, humans are not around in 14,000 years.

Do you not think we've cooked ourselves in 14,000 years? Humans will absolutely still be in 14,000 years. Paul McCartney will still be giggling. Hologram Finn. No, I'm doing it for the love of it. Hologram Finn is still going to see hologram Paul McCartney. No, I think humans are fucked in like 5,000 years, mate. Look what we're doing to the guy.

I went down a mile, like just do you, I'm guessing you do this. I'm not sure about these two. I went, I saw a mad conspiracy. I was like, I just want to read what they're talking about. And now you believe it. They said humans, I think they said like 10,000 years ago, there was an event called The Mistake that we lived on Mars and we got to roughly this point of technology and then something happened and we fucked it up. And it was like, humans now are getting near

the mistake again. And we're gonna make, it's like with AI. You didn't say that for the, probably said that 100 years ago, oh, we've got pens. Yeah, yeah, 100%, I don't believe it. I was just. Do know, what's mad. Do you know if you take all of earth as we know it, like the amount of time we know it's been around. Yeah. And if you made

the entire time earth's been around one calendar year, right? So from the dawn of time until right this second is one year. We turn up at like... Humans have been here since 11, 59, 57 on New Year's Eve. We've been here for three seconds of the year. What's the Earth four billion years old or something? How old are people? Like how long have we been here? Like Homo sapien.

I just told you, three seconds. No, no, no, I mean in literal time. Hundreds of thousands of years I think. Oh yeah? Yeah. They reckon about a quarter of a million years, but at least a hundred thousand. 4.5 billion years old. And the sun's five billion years old. 4.6 billion. And when did Homo Sapiens get here? It's between a hundred thousand and two hundred thousand. We've got longer than 5,000 years left. We're not near the end that much, are we? 200,000 years ago.

We learned to speak 50,000 years ago. Yes, we've got ages left. I seen a TikTok to you today of a speech by Christopher Hitchens, who's like a famous atheist, isn't he? And he was like- He was. He was like, even if,

he's like the different scientists like, even if he's like the different scientists and even Christian scientists as in like scientists who are also Christians, not like Christian science, like that estimate is around a quarter of a million years, but at least a hundred thousand years. He's like, I don't need quarter of a million years to meet me point. I just need a hundred thousand.

He's like, if you believe that, if you're a Christian who believes the humans have been here for 100,000 years, it means that heaven, if it exists, ignored everything awful on the planet for the first 98,000 years. And then was like, I should probably step in now. And we're gonna reveal ourselves, not to China who can already speak,

but these people in the Middle East and we're gonna send them to the only place in the Middle East that's as far away from water as possible. Like it's such a funny, like atheist argument clip. I get a lot of atheism and religion on TikTok now cause I am interested in it. Yeah. It's fascinating.

The scope of like time is so insane. It's so easy to be, it's so, the more you learn about that stuff the easier it is to just become an atheist. Like I wonder what we will be like in 5,000 years. Not us, I mean the human race. Because 5,000 years ago, what, living in caves and shit, and now we've got like rocks to the move, what are we going to be doing in 5000 years? Well you just go 100 years back from there. No we weren't living in caves 5000 years ago, the first cities were over 5000 years ago.

Okay well then, the ancient Greeks is what like 3000 years ago, that's the first civilized, no not like Eritrea and all that stuff. But I wonder what in 5000 years we're going to be doing? Like what could be possible? If we haven't wiped half of ourselves off the face of the planet, that would be impressive. Because we're on the precipice, apparently now. But we have the capability, don't we? And there are flashpoints in the world. Oh, like nuclear stuff, you mean? Yeah. Yeah.

And also depopulation people having less kids and stuff. Yeah. It'd be so interesting to see what like what we looked like because we'd look different and stuff. Tall. Everyone's just getting taller aren't they? Do you think we'd look different? I don't think we would.

But we don't look like people looked like 5,000 years ago. I think we look pretty similar. Haven't they said with loads of evolution that we'll get rid of the thumb. No, no. What's the, it's one of your fingers, isn't it? Your thumb is probably the most important thing when you bought it. I knew it was some, some sort of appendage. You bet that. I don't see how that happened. How does that, how, how do we evolve past the toe? No, we don't need to. What? How does that work evolutionarily? One baby's one baby's born without a toe and all the rest of us, 7 billion die out because he's what? He's

quicker to Tesco. No, it'll take like a million years, but they're acting in like a million years if humans are still here. We'll just have photos. Right. And I'm saying evolutionarily, how does that happen? You need to eat him. Are we the power we got here? Yeah. Hang on. Evolution is survival of the fittest. We've fucked evolution. Just because that little toe looks a bit shitty,

how are we like, I don't know what, I'm going to be born with that one, drop that one off. No, but I mean, humans have kind of broken evolution, haven't they? Yeah, there isn't. We aren't evolving. Have we clocked it? Are we at the top? No. There isn't, we aren't evolving. Have we clocked it? Are we in the top now?

Well, there isn't survival of the fittest because everyone is, we've set up a civilization where everyone can survive. Is it intelligence now then? I don't know if we're getting brighter. Rich. What? Rich. Oh yeah, money's probably in there, isn't it?

Survival of the richest. People who were poor died earlier because they've got, maybe that's the next, it's an ancient evolution. But people who were poor breed more so in theory you're getting more more working class start the revolution now kids i'd love bring your five fucking toes and see what they were doing because they won't have the same shit as us everything will have moved on no toes no thumbs like what are they doing they all like that's so interesting because in a hundred years

we wouldn't be unrecognizable now. The shit we're doing right now. I think we'll look similar. No, I mean like what we're doing. They'd be like what the fuck's going on in there? They wouldn't even know what the things were. Well there's a museum, isn't there, of technology where the first iPhone from 2006, 2007 is in a display cabinet like, look at that, that's mad at it. So like teenage kids can look and go, wow. So this will look so outdated. Everything we're doing in 50 years. You know that thing off Shep and our heads?

That Elon Musk one. You're a link. I tell you what, if you smoke weed during watching this episode, this would have been a real fucking head spin. One more ick to just redress the balance. Ewan says, Eyelids got an ick for you. When people put on a bike helmet the wrong way, look like a proper Ming from Ewan in Abu Dhabi.

Ewan, that's not an ick. That's you've got to worry about someone's mental health. If you put a bike helmet on backwards, I think they might have already fallen off the bike and hurt themselves quite badly. They've had head trauma and they need assistance. He look at him. Let's have a break. Welcome to the 2025 have a word Deadpool. We don't wish death on them, but they might die and we'll win. It's death pill.

We've done this. This is this year. This is the third annual have a word Deadpool event. If you don't know the rules, here are the rules. We get three picks each. We do a draft style. So I go first. We wrap around to Carl. We

then come back that way. And the only drill is one of your picks has to be under 50 years of age and there is a thousand pound prize. And they are with triple points, 50 or 60 fucked up. I fucked up. And the fifties were triple points. It was 60 last year. We've brought, I think we brought, well, that's we had Sutton, more 60, wasn't it? They're the rules by the way. Surely the 50s worth more points. It isn't, it's just a pick. It's never been there.

Well last year. Stop making up new rules to confuse people. None of us got any. Also we've lowered the age of the young pick down, I think, I think it was under 60 last year. It definitely was under 50. It was under 50. It was 100% under 50.

Well we're off it. How old is Viola Davis? You better tell if she's 59 or 49. She's older than 50 Viola Davis. She's like late 50s. Yours was Viola Davis. Viola Davis is now 59. Okay so we're at a 60. Yeah under 60. 100% yeah cool. So are we changing it or not? No I'm sticking with mine regardless. Well I'll stick with, have you got under 50 or under 60? I've got an under 40. I've got a 40 you know, you can have your under 60 Finn.

There you go, save you a change there. With my first pick, I would like notorious liar, Buzz Aldrin. Oh no, he's one of mine? What? I hate the jobs. No he's one of mine? What? I hate the challenge. What? No he's not.

He is. I would like Buzz Aldrin. Why'd you get to go first, cocksucker? What do you mean? Dan said I could go first, you're gonna need another one. I think the time has come. You get to go fifth and sixth. I think it might come out this year

that we never landed on the moon. And I think at that point he might either kill himself or be killed by someone who's a conspiracy theorist like you're lying cunt. So Buzz Aldrin, also he's quite old so he might just drop dead of indigestion or whatever. So Buzz Aldrin dropped with the first pick of the 2025. He's 94 years old. He's going on tour this year though. Is he?

I'm from Rob. Is he? I'm from RAAF. I'm made up. I got one of yours straight away. Blad. Buzz Aldrin. There you go. I'm going, I'm playing to win. I'm going to lose mine again. And I'm going Puff Daddy. Shit, that was my under 61. He did it. You come with your under 61st. No, he's got an under 40. He's cheated. Puff Daddy's one of your old guys. Yeah.

Hey, that's not a bad bet. He's 59. He could get banged fucking banged, imprison him. I mean, everything that's gone on in the last year, like I honestly, Kanye was one of my picks last year, partly because I thought like the wheels were coming off and it was mental. I think with P Diddy, shit's going down, mate. You know what? I don't want to wish. I'm not wishing death on anyone. I don't want to be good if he died. Bad. He's horrible. He did. He put it on the board. Okay. I seen Chris Ramsey do a routine last night about being on Graham Norton with P Daddy. I do. That is absolutely love to see that piece of material. I also

can't believe how he's getting a pic before me with my. No, no, no, don't be fucking bullied by this. He's going to get back to back picks in a minute, he gets to go first in the next round. He also called Adam a cocksucker, which is honestly, how are we pulling out, that is a vintage slam. Yeah, I can't believe you got to go first you cacksack. Motherfucker. Harold, watch this, go on, say it. The first pick of the 2025 third pool. No, your third pick.

Your third pick. You can see yours here by the way. He's not gonna pick mine. Oh god, I can see. What are you talking about? I pick. Your third pick. You can see yours here by the way. He's not a pick man. Oh God, I can see. I pick Jake the Snake Roberts. Who's that? It's a wrestler. He's 69 years old.

He got dumped on his head a lot. He used to carry a snake around in his sack. I imagine that snake bit him and he's probably got like 40% snake venom in his blood. Wrestlers all die at 50. He's 69. He's over you. You gave him a picture for me by the way.

Just to let you know. Jake the Snake Roberts and Puff Daddy. Love Jake the you. You gave him a picture for me, by the way. Just to let you know. Jake the snake, Robert's a puff daddy. I love Jake the snake. Right. I'm going. That's honestly a good, that is a good one. I'm going. We talked about him in the first half.

Game safe. Tapping, Frankie Valli. Oh, you know he's still gigging though. He's still got the black. He's not still gigging. I think he's already dead. He is not still gigging. Hang on, do you know he's alive?

No, I'm gonna Google it. He is being held together with Sellotape. I'm not having it. It's a, I don't think it's allowed. He's 90. He died in 2005. He's being weekend at Bernie's, they make there's no way he's still alive.

They're just making him go bad. But I made a fucking mistake. Do you know what I genuinely think? The only way you don't get a point for that is if he dies this week. Cause like, if he dies this week. Cause like if he dies this year, it's a 20, 20 and it's a waste of a year. Yeah. Yeah. You're right. Um, but I think I don't think his family would have known. No, I'm still made up with Buzz

Aldrin just cause they fucked you. Annoying. Uh, my first pick Dick van Dyke. He was on last year when he, no, he was on the year before. Oh, that's a good one. He's looking sprightly though. Did you see him like dancing on red carpets and that? Yeah, he'll trip over and break his neck. Oh no. Hopefully not. But it could happen. He did say recently he knows he could die any day now.

Any of us could. No, it wasn't in that context. I had him two years ago and he was in a car crash and survived at 96. Anyone could die, Finn, but Dick Van Dyke is much more likely than you, innit? And also he's a good guy. Yeah. With what?

Good guy, bad accent. What was the TV show he was on? When I was at uni he was on the daytime crime show. Oh yeah. The bill. He was on the bill. He was the head busy on the bill. Second pick. Diagnosis murder.

Diagnosis murder. Oh yeah he was. I get another pick. I'm going with former president Jimmy Carter. You just googled old celebrities. You got Buzz Alden somewhere didn't you? You picked the same list as me. Buzz Alden was a good middle pick. Jimmy Carter. He's a hundred. President of the United States. He was a hundred years old. Yeah. And I'm going to see the footage of him president. Yeah. He's like the flyover thing. Do you know what's mad about him? He stopped being president before I was born. He's been former president. Like 1980 was he 76 to 80 for all of my long, long life. He's already been former president.

Do you know genuinely, this is really bad and I'm sorry. 77 to 81. This is really bad and I'm sorry. But you said then, like he stopped being president before I was born and then you went to the 80s and in my head I was like... Honestly he's 20 and he's 80. It's JFK surely. Like in my head you were born in the 60s.

You think I'm 68 years old? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. I've been on the receiving end of the ship for fucking five years. Were you born in the 80s? By the way, it's getting worse. Were you born in the 80s? Yes.

That's why. I'm a millennial. I'm a millennial. Such a lie. Suck my millennial. You're a millennial. I am a millennial by the fucking letter of the law. You kids are boomers.

The fact you were born in the 80s is bad shit to me. But yeah, former president Jimmy got there. Okay. My next one's also in American politics or politics adjacent Rudy Giuliani. Oh, former mayor of New York. It was times man of the year 2002 Rudolph Giuliani. Okay. Any particular reason for your reference on Charlie Wilson's war. Oh, so you wanted it. Okay. Yeah. I don't like picking people that it'll be sad. How old is he?

80. Yeah, he's got one of them. He looks like he... Yeah, he looks horrible. Okay, fair. I've also gone famous knob, Ed, for my second pick. I've gone for Chevy Chase. Oh, he's meant to be a bad gimp. Isn't he a cartoon beaver?

Yeah. You're thinking... National Lampoon. You're thinking of Cheech and Chong? He're thinking of a cheech chong. Yeah. He's thinking of the cartoon Beaver Chevy chase. He is. Is there a cartoon Beaver? No, not called Chevy chase. Chevy chase is just a guy. You're thinking of Arthur. I think. Yeah. He's gonna be a bad, bad gimp. Racist. The Eldon, the Eldon center in the middle of Newcastle named one of the streets in the shopping center after Chevy Chase.

What? One of the weirdest things when I got to uni, you go to the Eldon square shopping center or whatever it's called and you walk through and it was in the light illuminated in pink. It said Chevy Chase way. Chevy Chase way. Who's your next pick, Dan? Am I whipping out my under-fifth? No, I'm not.

I'm going... I'm gonna go... I nearly went Charlie Sheen. I'm not going Charlie Sheen. I'm going Ozzy Osbourne. That's a good pick. He was on my first year. I've genuinely not done that on purpose. I can't remember what we did three years ago.

I'll go Ozzy Osborne. Yeah, it'll be sad. And listen. But he's not well, is he? No, hasn't he sorted himself out? I don't think you can. I think you can, you know what I mean? You can go so far.

You rev the engine so much, if you start putting oil in it after 180,000 miles. Don't put oil in him, because then he will die. Don't, don't get, he needs an MOT. So I'm going Ozzy Osie, I don't wish it. I just think he's revved the engine. Okay. Thought long and hard about this.

Like he would, Noam Chomsky. Do you know who Noam Chomsky is? He's dead. He's not? Noam Chomsky is dead. He died recently. No, he's not. The Chomers.

Yeah, he saw him last night. Chomers isn't dead. He died recently. No, he's not. I'm pretty sure. The Chomers. Yeah, he saw him last night. Chomers isn't dead. You were on the same list as me. Who do I know that died then? Who do I know that died then? Sorry, that was Billy from number 43. I love it the way you said, no, he's not.

Chomers was on the- I was in the Blackburn Arms with him last night. You think I don't know who Noam Chomsky is? Who you going for a pint with? You didn't just pluck Noam. You were on the same list as me. Didn't you? I did. I did Google the same thing as you. But that's not where I found Noam Chomsky. Like genuinely I know him from the Bo Burnham song, but he's a political activist. He was a philosopher.

He's a thinker. He stinks of Google. But I'm in sociology. A level. Yeah, he's everywhere. He's a great pint. Yeah, he's like full of shit, isn't he? Who's your first one? Spuzzold and a gnome Chomsky. Yeah, yeah, I just pulled them out of the air. Well, you can fucking suck me dick because with me third pick, former Portman. Fim-bim-bim-bim. Hey!

He's got it all, Dribble. He's got it. Chomsky and... Cut that out. Sully Ali-Muntari. Go onky and... Cut that out. Sully Ali Montari. Go on, tell me a Google that. Tell me Google gave me a Mr. Suggestion. Noam Chomsky, Buzz Aldrin and former Portsmouth Minnfield net.

Sully Ali Montari. Do you know why he picked that? Because he was going for another black football and Nigel Rio Coca and then won it and went for another double. Can I just say that Montari is not a bad shout because he was in that era of African footballers where they were like yeah he's 22 and you're like why has he got three grandkids? Do you remember when they came over and they were like. Yakubu.

When Yakubu was out of it they're 26. Yeah. Oh what a killing off Sully Ali Montari are we? Sully Ali Montari is allegedly 40 years old. Did Montari go from Portsmouth to Inter Milan? Yes. I won the lot. Yeah.

Workhorse. OK, Sully Ali Montaghi. He won the Champions League of 46. I'll serve on Wills Hall and Sully Ali Montaghi back to back for you. Wills Hall was the first year. It was last year, your kid. My other day was. Kid.

In the midfield for Portsmouth. I'm happy with my picks, mate. My other names. Kid. In the midfield for Portsmouth. I'm happy with my picks mate. Yeah you got Buzz Alden didn't you? We've all got to pick at least one Portsmouth player. I just, I just did. You did the same thing. I know.

I missed out. You're not going to get my young one. Go on Dan. My under 50. Frankie Moon is the boxer. The guy from the after. Malcolm in the middle. Why?

They've just recommissioned it. I think the pressure is going to be too much for him. Michael Jackson. I think the pressure, being a 39 year old, Malcolm in the middle is going to make him feel like, fuck, my career has been pretty bad. I'm going to be Frankieis. See you later. Did he win the champions league? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Santiago Moonis. Moonis. I'm going with Frankie Moonis. My final pick. My under 50 pick. The Rizla. CeeLo Green. I mean, that is... He's a big boy, innit? He's built like a semi detached house. Who's he attached to? Why not a detached house? He's got someone next to him all the time. Yeah, Nars Barkley, I think he's, cause he loves his ecstasy, didn't he? Cause he had that thing with that woman. Fat Man Scoop went last year. Oh, he was present, didn't he?

Yeah, because he was doing loads of ecstasy and then like touched a woman. So it's also, it leans into the evil side of it. CeeLo Green. Niles Barkley. Notorious knobhead, Conor McGregor. That's all I've got to say. All right.

That would be nice. That's a good under 50 shout actually. I know I thought it and then just went. Hang on. You were moaning about the under 50 real? Yeah, because I had P Diddy and Dan took it. Ah. So, Conor McGregor. I've got an under 60. Conor McGregor, 34.

It's a good young one. Do you want to ask something Dan? All right, I see what you mean. Yeah. Yeah. I just think. Diddy's 59. There's only so much coke someone can take, isn't there an extra 60. I've also gone with a notorious knobhead Declan Donnelly going. That would be such big news. I think next year is the time they break it. He looks well though. Just aunt. Ant. Yeah but he's always on like high bridges in Australia.

That's what's going to get him. There's only so many bridges you can walk over and fall off. If he died would you watch the news? That would be one way to watch the news for. Hit the deck. Deckland on only. Most people would go Ant as well. Exactly.

Oh you'll crash a car and get drunk. No. Deck. Passengers east, no seat Exactly. Oh, we'll clash a card again. Drunk? No. Passenger's East? No seat belts? Oh, no, dick's dead. What were some of your other options that you sort of threw around? Nigel Villococo was me first under Nico Cranshaw. No. I thought you were just going all Portsmouth. Nigel Villococo play for West Aberdeen Villa?

I bet he had a game for Portsmouth. I had Nigel Ha I had Nigel Havers but he's a lot younger than you'd think. Is he in Conny? Yeah. Who's Nigel Havers? He was Rita's fella in Conny. No Audries. He's banging Audry in Conny. 73. Knowledge by the way. Stephen Mulayne was in there for me. There's only so many snakes you can handle before one bites you. He is in trouble isn't he? Didn't he have a heart attack in a Pizza Express last week?

Why didn't I put Stephen Muller in on the list? What? Stephen Muller, like, passed out in a Pizza Express last week. One minute. Remember Declan Donnelly? One of the fittest men on telly. Stephen Muller in? I don't know about this. Uh, one minute. I haven't heard that yet. Carl, do you want to

read the headline? Stephen Muller in his rush to hospital after collapsing at a pizza express. Where was it? Oh, his dad died. So he passed out. Oh, he didn't have a heart attack. He got some bad news. Another kid. He didn't know he'd already, his dad was, had been dead for a week or something. Yeah. So he finally processed that and had a little nap in pizza express. Which pizza express. Which pizza express was it? The one? Was it the Prince Philip one? He slipped on his sweat. No, it's the same. It's the same one. The Prince Philip one, isn't it? He slipped on his sweat. Prince Andrew. Yeah, it's the same one. Do you remember when Dech was banging

George Thompson? Do you? Do you know, apparently Prince Andrew is friends with the Chinese spy. Yeah. Where have you heard that? It's a big news. That sounded like you'd heard it in the pub. Unbelievable. I'll take that one before Christmas. Thank you. You've got one perlet, at least one absolute all-timer in each episode recently. I'll try. So there we go. Deadpool. That's it. Comment yours below. And if anyone's like, this is a bit distasteful.

Why don't you suck a bag of cocks? If you are still listening and that was the thing that pushed you over the edge. It's very distasteful. Are we going to do, because we also did this last year. We tagged on resolutions. Have you got any resolutions for 2025? I want to get in the shape of my life. It can't be one you've done 17 times already. Shredded by February. I'm doing nine marathons in two days.

For me and you were doing the half marathon. We're not allowed to talk about it. Um, yeah, we're doing the half marathon. Yeah. Yeah. But I brought that. Half marathon in Chester. Yeah. What allowed to talk about it. Yeah, we're doing the half marathon, yeah. Yeah, half marathon in Chester. Yeah. What the hell are we supposed to talk about? Oh, it's part of the executive orders. Harry's, you can't, if you talk about it, you have to add a kilometer.

Harry's not the prime minister, so it's fine. Oh no, he's not, is he? Oh shit. I always think he is. Yeah, so I'm doing that. I'd like to do that without falling over this time. It's a good one. Yeah.

I'd like to finish a half marathon in under two hours. What's a good, I don't even know what a good time is. Two and a half. Two and a half's a good time. Two and a half is like, hey, you done well there. All right. Two hours, 15. I think if you finish any kind of marathon,

you've done well. Half marathon. Half marathon. Any kind, like half. I'm going for two and a half hours, do you remember, because you finish any kind of marathon, you've done well. Half marathon. Half marathon. Any kind, like half. I'm going for two and a half hours. Do you remember because I bought 50 pills back in the day. I don't think my heart can push for two hours, sub two hours. Two hours in.

Yeah, but you- I'm not my Deadpool. You've run, you've done like running for years and ran at like two hours. I don't know, I don't know. I never timed it. You don't know how far. Oh, I know how far. I never timed it.

So what's the longest run you've done? 14, 15 miles. Miles. So that's a half marathon. I Oh, I know how far I never timed it. So what's the longest one you've done? 14, 15 miles. Miles. So that's a half marathon. No, I know. I just, I'm not going at a great pace. I proper jog it. I think you should aim for two hours 20. I don't want to die in Chester.

Oh, I'm going to die in Chester. Bad news for you, sir. Move hopes. So yeah, I'd like to do that. I want to get more into fashion than I already am. Genuinely. So at the studio today. I think I want to get more into fashion. I think I want to spend the whole year having Adam dress me.

Have a word pot.com for your fashion. Hello. New merch out. Gonna do a catwalk of some sort. I want to be dressing smarter more regularly. Okay. I want to be wearing more shoes.. Okay. I want to be wearing more shoes. I swear this is, I'm sure this was your last year. Isn't it the same resolution?

You were like, I'm a bootsman. Now I want to be a shoesman. I'm going to wear more loafers. I have become more of a bootsman this year. I know. So I've achieved it. So what's the next installation? Shoes. I want to wear more loafers in 2025. I'm going to just wear Crocs allcs all the time. I'm gonna wear the little pedophilic shoes that have got little holes for each one of your toes I say you what I want to wear less jeans Right more pants good luck I mean Jeans are just the lowest denominator. I hate jeans. No, I Want to wear a cock ring?

Do you mean I know what you mean? Have you ever worn a cock ring. Do you know what I mean? I know what you mean. Have you ever worn a cock ring? No. So is that the kind of thing you have to discuss with your missus first? Could you just whip out a cock ring? Depends whether you use it or not on your own. What?

I've worn one. It was an edible one. Did you eat it? I ate it. Yeah. No, you don't eat your own edible cock ring. I didn't really eat it. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm sorry. Finn, roll with the bullshit. Yeah. No, you don't eat your own edible cock ring. I'm sorry. Sorry. Sorry. You wore

an edible cock ring. How did it vibrate? Cock rings are meant to just keep you hard. The vibrate ones are the new iteration of the cock ring. Oh, that seems. Oh no, I'm talking steel. Oh yeah. I'm not going one of these new fangled ones. I'm going to... If I'm wearing a cock ring, it's vibrating mate. I just want to let my cock explode if I had a steel cock ring at the end of it. Do you know what I mean? I'm not putting a cock ring on unless it's sticking on my bollocks. No, I want it made in Sheffield, my cock ring. Steel. I want to have... Sheffield United on the side.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Merry Christmas. My tweet will be about revolution. Revolution? Revolution. Paraguay. Man, or some bombs a ring. You could get away with it looking like that. I want to get married.

Oh, fucking hell, resolution. Shut up. I'm not coming to your wedding now. That was dead cake. I knew that at the New Year's. I am getting married. It's not like I'm doing bad. Revolution. Is it revolution? Yeah, I've lost all me in that wedding. Resolution. Jesus Christ. I'm going to turn around more. I don't know. Come back to up. Last year it was becoming streamer. What day is today? We have podcasted too much in 24 hours. I don't know. Go back to me. Last year was a streamer. I want to get a matching tattoo with Laura. I want to get a matching tattoo with Laura. I want to get a match a matching tattoo.

She got tattoos. She's got tramp stamps. Multiple. Multiple. Her words. Yeah. All up one arm. She's like a cub.

You know when you get badger. Tramp stamp goes above your bum. Yeah. She's got one. Actually, what is it? Bums on her arm. Your dick in here. Pretty on the nose.

She was originally going to get it on the nose, but she decided against it. Your dick in here. It's pretty on the nose. She was originally going to get it on the nose, but she decided against it. Your dick, my hauntus. I've got a sloppy hauntus. Sounds like a lovely dish at a taco place. You're doing a sloppy hauntus? Can I have the pork sloppy hauntus there please? It's a bit dry. I think I've got vegan, lad. No, she's got a... she's got a faded butterfly. No, she's just sporting it all. LAUGHTER I love you, babe. Don't... what tattoo are you going to give?

What? Get her name. What? Yeah. Big... Oh, Bev and David would be cool, wouldn't it? I get Bev and she gets Dave. Beth! Beth! Dave! Has she genuinely got a tattoo on her arsehole? She hasn't got a butterfly around her sphincter.

You like to spy, there's a webbomb all don't you? I think it's absolutely vile. Never, never. No, it's absolutely vile. Never, never, no it's fucking ridiculous. Listen, I like a tattoo, fair enough. If you want to go for it, go for it. And I know, you know when people are like, you've ruined your skin. I like some unbelievable tattoos on people. But I think once you get your sphincter tattooed with a spiderweb, you've gone too far. No one's getting a first are they? That's a bold one. I don't care how heavy Magaluf has been. You never lead with the arsehole. She's got a

butterfly on her lower back. What does it symbolise? Butterflies? Where the gist should land. I don't know, she just got it when she was a teenager on holiday. And I've got a RIP run to you on my bumhole. Oh, I've got one. No, on my bum cheek. What matching one are you going to get? Exactly. I'm open to office if you're... As in same tattoo or like one half of a heart on your arm and you go, ooh.

Yeah, I don't think that. Like what, like Forever Friends? Keenings. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I don't know. That's cute. All right, Ethan, New Year's resolution. Sing more. Yeah. Gig more with the band. And then mine is watch Finn sing less. Oh, Dan. Well, the tour's been fun. Isn't it? Um, yeah. Just I've talked to dad in the car about it. Not long ago. I want to actually, you know, learn to drive, do a bit more with the music stuff. So more gigs with the

band, release an EP. There's, there's new music recorded, go on a little tour. You want to put it up, up a notch. If you're, if you're in cities, big cities that we're doing on tour and you know any venues that are like 80 to a hundred capacity, DM me if you'd like to come anyway and tell me, tell me where to play. Tell me Glasgow wouldn't go off. I'd love to play Glasgow. We're looking at London, Manchester, Glasgow, Newcastle, Manchester. You want to think about Cardiff. I'd love to do Cardiff.

If you want to see us do the Murderers Road Tour, February the 21st tickets available in Cardiff. 20 seconds. Yeah, we've had another date there, haven't we? Have a word with pod at gmail.com. Go and. Yeah, we've had another date there, haven't we? Have a word, part of gmail.com. Yeah, go and follow us, follow the podcast on Spotify. We need people to do that.

And then also go and follow me on Spotify as well. Harry, what are your New Year's revolutions? To bring out an amazing, hard-hitting podcast with Sensei Carl Riegler. That's at least second. The top one is... Game changing. Yesterday I hit 700 days on German on Duolingo. I don't think I know any German. So you want you want to hit a thousand? I want to be able to speak I can say like the owl is in the... You'll never be in the horny Harry allegations by the way. German of all languages. Oh fuck my pussy. Oh, get your breakfast. Put it in my pussy. It's all

English. I love German porn. Get your breakfast. Cause all of my pussy. Hi, welcome to the German gang bang. We speak in English, but we are, we say German things. Ah, it's a Volkswagen German sings ah the valspargan in me Berlin in me wall or the breakfast in me boom boom what has to half of my Berlin wall stick your breath first in my haunters oh you don't know this I mean fuck me in the asshole yes do you know what I mean? sorry that is a loud voice my? My name is Innuendo.

Have sexual intercourse with me in my special place. Do you get me? Come on, Harry. I've lost my mind guys. I've gone insane. We were talking about Henry the fifth. I've talked about Henry the fifth in this episode. Is this Christmas day?

It isn't. I could honestly see you. The 23rd this is released. My family are waiting to open the presents and I'm like, fix me, fix me. It's taking me in. Me. Haunt us. And me haunt us. We know. Yeah. I can say like, that's his tidy clums. Lieblings. Kniper. I can say that as well. Neither of us know. Yeah, I can say like that's his tidy comes Liebling's sniper. I can say that as well I don't know how to come so that you know, they say a copy there, right? So your news resolution is to become mates with Heidi Klum

Can use at least 20 phrases once I'm friends with Heidi Klum clue, but Yeah, I'm pretty like I thought I got the word mustard wrong for months and then I said it in German and they all laughed at me. What's mustard? Not this year. What's mustard in German? It's Sef but I thought it was mittelscharfe but that means medium heat and I went, can I have some medium heat and they all laughed and I looked like really broken.

So yeah. You've got these priorities that you need to pull above. What mustard is in here? That's going to be great. But then those mustard thing is pretty high up my list. It's Heidi club, mad that and then German mustang. So is the new year's resolution to be better than German and know what it means to do conversational German because I went to Germany with my mate who is German, was with his family. Is this Paul?

Yeah, and had to like, we watched a film in German, and I just looked like, you know, when you put babies in front of like colors. Can't just say, that's a mad choice for them, isn't it? To be like, hey, we've got Paul's English mate who doesn't speak German, she just whack on a film. No, they put subtitles on, but it was very, I didn't understand it.

What good German films are they? This one was called, it was about a wedding party and it was like, the wedding organizers were organising this party but it was all going a bit wrong. Very European, they were all like, ah, my God. Have you ever seen Death of a Funeral? No. Have you seen Schindler's List? That's good. Ah, these are your whack Schindler's List. That's good. I'd easily hear Wax Schindler's List. He'll love that. Definitely. Schindler's List was great. The British one?

Yeah, yeah, the British one's better. I liked both. I watched both. So, listen, Merry Pre-Christmas. I forgot we're doing a public. I need to get a song ready. Jarl. They've got to be German.

Oh, I can give some German... Jarl! I can give some German song. There's a song called Roller by Apache. I'm big into German rap at the moment. Eindie Welfth is a good, like, indie... What if I told you, hey, check out this new German rapper? Hey, Harry, do you know they lost the war? What's going on?

You know, I was in the car... Because I've got a new car now and it's got Bluetooth Fuck off. I know. What car have you got? A Peugeot 208 Always go French when you've had car problems. It looks nice though. Big issue though. Sorry Whoa, was that a dig at a French car? French cars are shy. He is right. Peugeot and Citroën's Come on man bro. I've never heard that. I nearly bought a Perjot as my first car. I got my car. So one, my car, my micro got sold. Because...

It's been absolutely wild. There's been low points where we're like, really? I've never heard so much detail about McDonald's ever. We were in the 20th minute and now after all the bullshit we're talking like yeah fuck Peugeot by the way come at me big French cars. Quite small. They're big Peugeots. Same place as a baby as well. Told you that before haven't they? Well my micro I traded my micro in the fella who got it was a Patreon so he he gave me more money, because he knew it was like a relic. And I told him, I was like, all that stuff I said on the podcast was like a lie. I'm giving you more money for this because I'm a Patreon.

And I dropped off it. Fucking hell, Harry. If you should have Viking burial that in the maze. All of the lights came on when I pulled up. They hadn't seen the car when I traded it in. They just gave me the money and I just ran away with the other car. How much did they give you for it? 500 pounds.

That is mad. It's so funny, Aaron, you describe a car that you bought last year as a relic. Do you know what? I priced this at about 490 because you're a patron. I'm going to go to five. I bought it in April. This year. I got it validated this new car and they never turned the heating on to like get the steam out. And it's been a week or so now and I'm still just driving around like a big fog like cloud because I can't seem to be allowed to try the heat. The heat is on six consistently. Ellie was in the car with that.

She's got this big fur coat that makes it look like a mob boss's wife. And she was like sweating and she was like, I've got to because otherwise I can't see out the window. I've not looked out the back window. I'm looking for him. I haven't looked out the back window yet. He's bought some dead man as perjo. He's like, oh, we literally said to you, do not buy a car without us. Oh, no. Sorry. But I went to this place,

they gave me an extra tenner for the car. I've got a hatchet on the radio, we had some German rap. I went with my dad. Oh, you're, oh. We told you not to do that. That's not Chinese. Scheisse. No, the car's great. The car is great. Apart from the internal fog. The car's great, no complaints about the back window doesn't work. The window doesn't work. I mean, apart from it's got its own microclimate in the car. I don't know, when that passes, when summer comes, it's going to be sour. It's raining in the backseat.

Jesus Christ, I'm growing bonsai on the fucking... My brother's back up and I was like... You're a best mate, isn't it? I was like, there's loads of moisture in the car. I thought it just seeps out the car, but like, he started, he had moisture in his car and he started growing mushrooms at the back of a Citroen C1. So I need to make sure it gets out. So if anyone knows how to get, like, fog out car, um, you're a schluessel. A Hoover or something. You need to learn that. You're a Spanner in German. Schluessel. A fucking Pierre Schluessel, man.

Pierre Schluessel. He's got an omelette. Stop playing, stop going to buy things with your dad because he doesn't know what he's doing. Oh yeah, so okay, time for, I hope you've enjoyed this guys. I hope you've enjoyed this. My dad's pretty useless with like most stuff, right? But even my dad doesn't like, negatively impact the pages of a vehicle. I know, but you wouldn't take, you wouldn't take your dad to buy a car with you, would it?

He comes up and get me first, won't he? Yeah, so on the inside, it looks like the Greyfire London. You can't see out of any of the windows, but good, good, good piece now. You kicked the tyres, belted. Do you remember when I saw my Volvo? Do you remember when I saw my Volvo? Volvo? My Volvo.

And your dad was weirdly angry at me. Oh, you sold that car? I fucking love that car. Yeah, because it's a good running isn't it, a Volvo. It was a proper dad car, wasn't it? Yeah. running as an evolve on it was a proper dad car. What? Um, Finn, have you got an absolute banger to close out this pod? Carl do you want to do it? I'll do it. Yeah.

Um, so this is brought to you by, um, Castleman. Yeah. And this is Thunderdome. Great. Basically he's just pressed random words four times and put them all together. That could have been Thunderman with Castledome or Mandome with Thundercastome. Basically he's just pressed random words four times and put them all together. That could have been Thunderman with Castle Dome or Mandome with Thundercastle. You've got to give this the intro. The real one. The real one.

Is it a band by the way? It's a band. It's their debut single. Okay guys. It's a debut single Castleman. Thunderman. And it's called Thunderdome. One, two, three, four. What are they called? Castleman.

Castleman, Thunderdome. Remember. of Thunderdome. One, two, three, four. What are they called? Castleman. Castleman, Thunderdome. Hello ladies and gentlemen, this is our debut single and I am Castleman, these are my men. I'm the Castle, these are my men, this is Castleman and this is our debut single, Thunderdome. Ha ha!

Merry Christmas everyone. We'll be signing cock rings in the break. Isn't an episode out on Christmas day? The page still stands. Oh, the signing cock rings in the break. Isn't an episode on Christmas day? The page still stands. Oh, the pubes gone. Merry Christmas. Cheers. ["Shadow of Man"]

Now have I found what's right in front of me? The shadow of man I'm supposed to be Was I holding back? I guess I'll never know Just turn around, it might be time to go Just tell me your feelings I'll try to conceal it Cause you won't do me well Lord, you said that you need it, you better believe it

We're coming from hell Time's time, not going home Welcome to the thunder dome You can try and run away No time for lust, they're part and throne Welcome to the front door You'd say they're still great Do you really think you'd make it out alive?

This ain't the type of thing that you'd survive Flames are lit and the sun is getting low Just turn around, it might be time to go Just tell me you feel it Don't try to conceal it Cause you won't do it well Thought you said that you needed it You better believe it

We're coming from hell Time's up, I'm not going home Welcome to the thunderdome We're coming from hell Time to turn back your head no Welcome to the thunderdome We can try and run away No time for love, step off the throne Welcome to the thunderdome We can change this to your grave Thunderdome, the Thunderdome

Your time is up, I'm not going home Welcome to the Thunderdome Your time is up, I'm not going home Welcome to the Thunderdome Your time is up, I'm not going home Welcome to the Thunderdome, your time is up, not going home Welcome to the Thunderdome, your time is up, not going home Welcome to the Thunderdome Your time is up, not going home Welcome to the Thunderdome Just tell me you feel it

Don't try to conceal it Cause you won't do it well Thought you said that you needed it You better do it well Thought you said that you needed it You better believe it We're coming from hell Time is up, not going home Welcome to the Thunderdome You can try and run away

No time for love, step off the throne Welcome to the Thunderdome You can take it to your grave four months on the two-year plan and it's a no risk guarantee with NordVPN's 30-day money back guaranteed. Dan, why would you use a VPN? I'm not even sure. It's mad, isn't it? Because I feel like we've mentioned it before, but I'm not even sure what a VPN is. A VPN is a way to up your internet security and on top of that you can use a VPN to create a virtual location for your device, whether it's a laptop, a PC, anything like that. You can literally just go, hey, we might be in the UK right now, but why don't we just on a little holiday to Bolivia, Malaysia, North Korea.

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