Have A Word with Adam Rowe & Dan Nightingale - #320 with Gabby Bryan - Have A Word w/Adam, Dan & Carl

Episode Date: March 17, 2025

Murderers Row tickets, merch and loads more available on our website! haveawordpod.comTickets for Have A Word Live shows as well as Adam and Dan's tours and previews:Adam's Tour: https://www.adamrowe.comDan's Tour: https://dannightingale.comDan's Anthems: https://www.skiddle.com/whats-on/Liverpool/Content/DANS-ANTHEMS---HAW-Dance-All-Dayer-4pm---10pm/40595747/Comedian's Club Chester: https://www.comediansclubchester.comDan & Finn's Karaoke Party: https://skiddle.com/e/40472096Listen to Finn's new single 'Cherry': https://FinnlayK.lnk.to/CherryAs Adam and Dan said, don't miss out on all of our extra content, we've got one of the best value Patreons in the game. An extra 90+ minute episode every week plus loads of bonus content such as the now infamous Lockdown Lock-ins, the Nashville & Amsterdam specials and our Ghost Hunts! What are you waiting for? Sign up now at https://patreon.com/haveawordpod​Get subscribed to Have A Word Highlights: https://youtube.com/haveawordhighlightsCheck out Finn's single 'Outskirts': https://FinnlayK.lnk.to/OutskirtsThanks to this week's sponsors:Lovehoney | https://lovehoney.co/word_podcastLove how you love and take 20% off site wide to unlock sexual happiness and discover a happier you with promo code: AFF-WORD20Manscaped | https://manscaped.com20% off with promo code: WORD20Sneak Energy | https://www.inflcr.co/SHHVlFuel different, drink Sneak.Manual | https://manual.coGet 45% discount on the initial at-home testosterone blood test kit with code: WORD45Merch:https://haveawordpod.comADAM ROWE and DAN NIGHTINGALE are two award winning comedians from Liverpool & Preston, respectively. They are two of the UK's most highly regarded stand-ups and have both performed all over the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What's happening lids, before we start this week's episode of the podcast, I've got to tell you my brand new stand up special What's Wrong With Me is out right now on the Have A Word YouTube channel. That's youtube.com slash have a word pod if you're listening on audio and if you watch it on YouTube, you're already there. It's the best thing I've ever done. The production value is insane. The reaction has already been insane.

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Not just the stand up, like obviously I'm proud of the hour of stand up that I wrote and it went well all over the country, but the amount of work and effort and attention to detail that will be and the rest of the team have put in to creating this product is just levels above, above anything we've ever done before. And I can't wait to see what everyone thinks of it. So what's wrong with me? Full standup special out now on the podcast YouTube channel. That's youtube.com slash have a word pod. Watch it, like it, share it.

Appreciate it. And I'll see you soon. Enjoy the episode. It's class. You know what that bell means, don't you Dan? Start of another brilliant have a word episode. Whoa, yes. And ring a bell if you've got the best Patreon in the UK. Patreon.com slash Have A Word pod.

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Go Ed, get on me. Hey! Episode 1948. Roughly. How are we? Yeah, we're good. And get on me. Hey! Episode one thousand nine hundred and forty eight. Roughly. How are we? Yeah, really good.

Three twenty. Three twenty. Three twenty bro. That's when you're really stoned and you forget the thing. Three twenty bro. My kids have been out in the garden and playing around, you know, the weather's been a bit nicer and beautiful. Etta wanted to play out on the street with the lads from two doors down, but Laura had

enough and she'd said, you know, I don't, Mummy doesn't want to. Why does Laura have to play? She just, she just has to watch her because she's extremely worried about like, you know, paedophiles. The paedophiles of Sorge. The paedophiles of Sorge. Great bam. Yeah. Where does she watch it from?

They shouldn't have started a Facebook group. But they did. Where does she watch it from? From the window. She watches from the window like a paedophile. And she was like, just look, listen, Etta, I'm on my period and I don't, I just, can you just let me sit on the couch? You come inside, you can play in the back garden.

So I was like, oh, okay. And went out the back garden and the lads from two doors down were like, that's her, come on, we're playing out. She was like, no, I can't. They were like, come on. My mom's being a bitch. She went, I can't, my mom's on her period.

That volume. At that volume. Oh, and I've got some loud fucking kids. Where's she learned that from? What? Where's she learned about periods from? Laura just told her. About a minute and a half before.

Oh yeah, Laura's doing the whole period thing. Well, I'll tell you. She's eight. Isn't she a good like five years from that ever being in her world? I think maybe it's a good thing to sort of let people know what's going on before it's happening, maybe. Five years though. Yeah, that'd be pretty traumatic.

Yeah, eight years old. There's a World Cup and a Euros before she needs somebody about that. Well that's why I argued. I thought it was like 11. No, but when she's just going to be normalised for it, isn't it, when she gets there? Yeah. Should we be like, yeah, periods, I know about periods. Eight as well.

Not my place to go, listen, I need to sit down with you, Laura, let's chat about what you're telling Etta about, you know, the menstrual cycle. I'm out. That's not me. I have no, like I have no- So Laura has sat your eight year old daughter down and gone, hey, once a month women bleed from their pussy.

Yeah, it's like you were there. It was like an intervention. Probably in better words. Oh, you're right. What better words? What would you, how would you do it, Larry? So once a month, ladies, when ladies, your lady, something happens to us that doesn't happen to men and inside changes and we have a little bit of blood. You get paid less. I think that was also bad. What? Just didn't feel like that was, that was, you know, sanitized.

Oh, nice. Something happens inside that doesn't happen to men. And then we have a little bit of blood. I'll just start explaining a period. She's not going to go into the actual fucking like ovarian cycle, is she? Well, I don't know. I just think if you, you know, an adult,

I think maybe this feels like mad, but if you, you know, we're in a household together, mom's on a period that gets talked about. That's fine. Why is that not? It's pretty, because when she's on a period, she's really moody and you need to explain to her, she's dropping them out of the window. You have to explain to Etta, Etta's like, hey, this is going to happen once every four weeks. Oh yeah, I did the chat. I was like, just listen, heads up, she's not going to talk about it.

I'm going to fucking tread carefully for about four or five days, you know what I'm saying? What did the boys say back when she shouted, my mum's on her period? They went very quiet. Yeah, that was the end of that shouty chat. So they know about it as well? Yeah, everyone knows it.

I don't think those lads know it. Why didn't they just come round? Why aren't they playing your garden? Yeah. Because the whole house shuts down. We're basically, it's COVID rules. Also, they're sound, but they're, you know, let's play out on the front. We don't necessarily need them coming round. They're all right. They're poor. Do you allow people in the house? Are you having a little dig all right. They're poor. They're what? They're poor. Do you allow people in the house? Are you having a little dig?

No. Do you allow people in the house? I ain't enough to be in my garden. That's a charge. That's a charge and entry. Do you let friends in? Who? Like I have friends, you let them in?

Yeah, yeah, we have play dates and whatnot. No, I mean like just from the street. Like can they come in and play? Yeah, but that's not, it's just, it's not an open, it's not an open side gate, you know? It's not an open door policy. It's about to be tea time and there's, you know, menstrual issues, then maybe not.

Close the gate. But yeah, the kids can come and have a kick around and whatnot. I've got a fly away rule in my garden. That's gonna- Flyaways only. Flyaways only. No cases. Oh Absolutely, no. Yeah, there's no leather balls being kicked around my god leather leather. What do you know what I mean?

Yeah, not with your garden office. Why don't you first gonna talk to Jack about abjections? Well He turns four in three weeks, so I Suppose it's time. Isn't it? I suppose it's time. Don't boys get erections before women bleed? I can't Google that.

Oh my god. Do you ever like check what's coming out before it comes out? Is there any part of your head that goes, hang on, maybe I won't say it. Yeah, that's a... Don't say it yeah that's it. Bins google and boys first erection. Oh it happens early mate but you don't need to go you know. Like before 10? Yeah yeah I was one by seven. Oh I don't know. Nine apparently. You have them when you sleep if you dream and you sleep it's. That's a wet dream. No no no no have them when you sleep. If you dream and you sleep it's... That's a wet dream. No, no, no, no. Like if when you dream is when you wake up covered in cum. When you... If you dream when you sleep, that's a wet dream. Definitely not.

No, you've got an erection in your sleep is probably going to tend to be a wet dream. No, no, no, no. A wet dream is the, like the build up. It's not, you don't just get erected in your sleep and then have a wet dream. It's almost like your body going, there's too much jizz in these bollocks and you haven't worked out what's going on. I never had a wet dream. Oh my God. Did you? Oh, I had a, yeah. I'll do them now. No, honestly, I don't know when they stop. I don't know. Why you want to say just because of that one incident in 1994. Is it like a full comb? Oh, it was. It's too much. It's like more than one. Oh, it's like a backlog. I think I've ever had one then. No, like when I'm

and also no one had explained anything to me as well. So I woke up and went, I thought I'd watch Ghostbusters and I was like, Oh, I've been slimed. What did you do? When you woke up covered in jersey? I went to my mom and was like, I don't know what's happened. And she was like, Oh no, it doesn't matter. We'll just put you in the bath.

It's fine. Never explained it. How old are you? I was about 13. That's you should have known what was going on. 12, 13. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Had you seen a gang bang before that?

What? You should have seen a gang bang on DVD when you were a kid. Yeah, I had. Yeah, yeah. I hadn't linked the two. And did you have sex at 13? No. 14?

14. This wet dream might be in about 12. You had a wet dream a year before you had sex. That doesn't sound as mad as I thought it was. No, telling your mom when she put you in the bath and a year later you have sex. That doesn't sound as mad as I thought it was telling your mom. Would she put you in the bath? I'm going to year later you have sex. It might be the shower. You have seen the, do you know the guy that wants to live forever? And Brian Johnson, did you see that he's been comparing his and his son's nighttime erections? I mean, get him on the list. He's made like XG for it. Yeah. he's got a bonus through the night again, great album.

Finn's new country album. So him and his sons, how many bonus they get in the night and he's only one behind them. He's like, I'm gonna catch your son. How does he know? Because they've got like sort of, I don't know, they've got like tape on him and stuff. Who's this guy? Sorry, he wants to live forever. Brian Johnson. I don't know, they've got like tape on them and stuff. Who's this guy? Sorry. He wants them forever. Brian Johnson. I don't know. Brian Johnson. He sounds like he's older than you. I think he's like 48. Is he like a tech, is he a tech millionaire billionaire that wants to live free? No, he's been looking into, you know what Russell Kane was telling us about?

I was about to say Russell Kane. He's like Russell Kane to the nth degree. But Russell Kane looks better than him. What's his name? Brian what? Brian Johnson, I think. But I think that might be the guy from ACDC, I'm not sure. So the guy from ACDC wants to live forever. They've got the same name, it's just spelled differently.

All right, okay. He's also a Mormon. So yeah, he's 47. I bet he's a bad pint. Oh, he doesn't do pints. Yeah. Plates of water. He's been having plasma transfusions. Yeah. I've seen, I've seen it. He looks, he looks like AI. He's a tech millionaire. Yeah. Yeah. Um, but he's, he researched everything. Like he, every like tiny little thing that goes into his body, everything he does every day is all with the idea of living for as long

as possible. He's probably going to live to like 200 him. It would be funny. So what's he done? Get some sort of, no, I was going to get hit by like a boss or something. Yeah. Yeah. Like, no, you were going to say something. So what's he, what's what you're doing there? Cutting down on Skittles because you can't cut them out completely. They're just, you know, you want to take, you want to take one share bag of Skittles a week. Yeah, but then there's also the other flavors like sours and tropical. So that's, you know, what are you going to do there?

Yeah. I'll have a bag of Skittles. What are you doing? And then only cocaine on the weekend. Because that's going to really fuck you up. No cocaine Tuesdays. Fact. Cut down on your Greggs a little bit.

But if you go into the match, it's nice to get a little sausage roll. I mean I can do this. I'm halfway there already. Obviously I'm Skittles every day. He goes to bed at half eight. And falls asleep within three minutes of lying down. And then measures his boners in the night. Yeah.

And he has to get eight or nine hours a night of sleep. But he takes an hour to wind down. He's got a specific temperature of his room. The lights go out an hour before bed. No screen time. He exercises. Oh my God. I'm doing this to my fucking three year old. This is, no screen time. The exercise. Oh my God. I'm doing this to my fucking three year old. This is exactly no screen time. It's got to be quiet. It's got to be this.

We have a cool down time. It was no screen time. It says he has a fantasy about being an Indian cricketer before he goes to sleep. This is a smart guy. If you just a few more skittles we'd be making. It wakes up at half five. It sounds a bit like Mark, um, all bird's routine. Yeah, these people who are like, listen, you need to be waking up in the night and then doing a workout and then going back to bed can fuck off. Who says that? Oh, it's like these ridiculously early like, yeah, I've done an hour in the gym. They get up at three and start their day, like me or who I want to be. Right, so you get up at three. Well, I got up at seven today and that's pretty early. Well, it's not quite the same as three a.m., is it?

And also- No, it's four hours difference. No, it's four hours difference. So if you're getting up at three a.m. and then working out, at what time, I mean lunch time's about quarter past eight in the morning, you're having your tea at two. You have to go to bed at like seven.

I don't... What if you want to go to the cinema? You go in the day when it's quiet. Someone's like, hey, we're having a dinner party. You're like, I'm so sorry. He's not going to dinner parties. I go to bed at six. What's the point in this life though?

Is it an experiment to see how long he can live rather than just enjoy his life? You're extending what looks like a pretty fucking boring life, isn't it? This is the thing to me with people who like proper look after themselves. Have you seen like Gary Brecker? Do you know who he is?

He's the guy who like changed Dana White's life. Oh yeah, Dana White. So he could predict, he reckons he could predict your age of natural death correct to within one month he decide. He's like, if you keep going as you are right now, I could tell you when you're going to die within a month. I got about four and a half months. And he's obviously very intelligent.

Dana White's now like really fucking, just a different guy if you look at him compared to like years ago. But none of them, Dana does. But like everyone who's like mad into this, they never seem happy to me. You know what I mean? Have you seen like that Andrew Huberman who does all the podcasts and he's like, yeah, you know, I live on this and that's how you do it.

Don't eat bread. You're eating bread! Fucking bread. Is that the big George cunt? Yeah. Oh yeah. They're all miserable. So they're just gonna live till 200 but they're gonna be fuming. I mean with Dana White, what's Dana White worth? Half a billion? He must be...

I think it's into the bill at the start. He's so minute. I said why is he a billionaire? And what did the guy do to it? He was like, you need to just not eat for like three days. Didn't he do like a fast immediately? I remember Dana White doing like a... No, he does some fasts now. But he got tested and the fellow rang back and was like,

you've got 10 years and you'll be dead. If you do exactly as you are now, you'll be dead in 10 years. So does Dana White think he's changed everything and he's gonna get 30? Because what if you change everything and you make your life super boring? You're getting up at 4 a.m., you're working out,

you're going to bed at eight, and then all of a sudden you've got an extra two and a half years. Is that worth the trade off? No. Ten years of balling or 12 years of being boring? Yeah, but it is going to be more like 30 or 40. What? Yeah. Now it's worth maybe getting up and going to bed early, isn't it? Is it though? Like these mad lives? Sleep's the top thing in it. Everyone just goes sleep is so far and above. You can do all the other shit you want to do. Sleep is like the most important thing. It's just really annoying for me because I at the minute I'm sleeping about five hours a night. But everything else I feel good with.

I think the Spanish have got it right, mate. I think we really need to introduce that culture of just fucking shutting it down, 2pm, having a little nap. I think we really need to introduce that culture of just fucking shutting it down, 2pm, having a little nap. I know it's because over there they do it because it's baking hot and no one wants to do anything, but it's such a fucking good setup. The Japanese live longer than anyone, don't they? Apart from when they kill themselves. They've got the longest life expectancy. That's diet though, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Why is it all veg? Hair pull, sweet potato. Hair pull, sweet potato. Is it a yukka? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Work, work in 84 hour weeks. Raw fish. Benny, Benny, Benny in Okinawa. They all eat it and they all live to like 200. They're doing the GCSEs till about 23. They do 80 hour weeks and then the raw fish. I'm all right. I'm all right. I'll die a fat man at 60. Thank you. The Spanish thing looks nice. Just in my head, it sounds like I think I'm meant to be a napper. I think I'm meant to be Spanish. It's just my short passing. Naps are really healthy, aren't they?

But I mean, where's it? Where, you know, since this podcast has started, all of a sudden we've got shit to do in the day and that's good. And it's the best thing I've ever been involved in I'd love to nap though, eh? You can nap though. Should we have sleep pods? You could nap. Could you go home now, like two o'clock and nap with the kids at home? If I'm tired enough, yeah, like I get all last weekend

I gigged, I did two gigs Thursday, gig Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday And I'm tired then because my body clock's set to get up with the house at like half six, seven o'clock. I just wake up naturally. But it wouldn't take long if I was gigging every night and podding, if we had a little window in the afternoon, you could get yourself in that sleep pattern. I swear it's gonna be like many be good for you.

And the Spanish live forever, don't they? They're all fucking smoke. Weirdly. be good for you and the Spanish live forever don't they they're all fucking smoke weirdly. Why don't you nap here? Do you like today? There's nothing more relaxing than you in my vicinity that would help me nap so much. What I mean is we do adverts and you're slightly out there at full volume I mean how where am I going? Here's what I mean Dan. Go on. So tonight today we're doing pod all day and then we're doing Adam Rowan, Friends of Hot Water, tonight. I'm excited.

It's gonna be really good. I can't wait. But you, Alfie, Thomas Green, and I think Paul Smith's dropping in, and Gabby Bryan might also drop in for full bill. How long are you doing? About eight minutes at the end. I'll still do the hour.

It'll just be long, a bit harder. It'll be fine. But you like the challenge. Yeah, I also just think no one's going away thinking, oh, I've got too much show there. No, totally. But in those hours between four and seven, you could have a little nap on that couch.

I've done that before. Little snooze on the couch. Class. I can't sleep on that couch. Very particular. You sleep on that couch? You stay here sometimes? No, no, no. I can't. Not when anyone else is here.

Why? I just get paranoid someone's going to do something to me. Oh, right. We won't, you know. I think we're past that. What? You think? I don't. Do you know, genuinely, I would have never thought to do it until you've brought it up now,

and now you can't because I will. Yeah, you shove like a pancreas. but the sleep pod, that's a great idea. JJ what? When he played for the Houston Texans, I think we all knew it was going here. He was a massive exponent. Is that the right word? Of NAPs and within the training facility, they basically found a store cupboard with a bit of room proponent. They boughtonent. They bought, thanks for the little delayed dictionary corner, they built the, and he's a big man, JJ, what are we talking about? Six foot, six, he's a fucking monster. And they put like a huge bed in, soundproof the door, and in training camp, they let him

have power naps because he was convinced that it got him to optimum performance. Yeah same. Like for me, getting up early, having like a morning and then having like an afternoon nap before my gigs, that's when I'm at my best. Right, we need to turn part of this into a sleep pod. Studio 2, it was just a big bedroom. Yeah and then you start recording math that halfway through my nap. I'm in bed. No, I'll get on it. Shawn Walsh said that he, when he's gigging and he doesn't have a hotel, he goes to cinema. I was in the cinema, but the problem with it is because he likes films.

So before the Birmingham gig, he went with it is because he likes films. So before the Birmingham gig, he went to Bridget Jones for a sleep. We just ended up watching Bridget Jones. And also how quiet is the cinema? I mean, have you ever been to, I've watched one film where no one else was in, which was vanilla sky back in 2000. There's other people in the cinema. Yeah, but we sleep in the back on. Yeah, you get, you get back row, you get the recliners at the Odeon. It's also socially accepted to sleep in the cinema.

The viewer, Ellesmere Port, it's upped its game so much. Recliners. Is it because they've gone, people can just watch most stuff at home, so just make it a well better experience. They also don't need as many seats anymore, do they? Because not many people are going. So in the past, it was right we need a 200 seat and now it's like we'd rather have a hundred big chairs. And it's not much more expensive than it was 10 years ago really.

The showcase is £11 which is fucking I mean in today's world fine isn't it? Yeah I could see that. I've a great if you want a nap I take the kids to the cinema quite a lot and I've dropped off through three of the last four kids films that we've been to watch. Is it just you and the kids? It's usually just me and Etta. Jack's not quite full feature length age. He's just at home trying to give himself an erection. He's just dying for that first boner. He didn't like that one.

It's not real. Just remind. Not real. Just words. What happens to Metta goes, dad, you like that film? And you go, yeah. And she goes, what happened? He had talked me through the plot, dad. Oh, what if I say escapes? Right, I'll deal with that one first. It's probably Super Mario Brothers, I reckon. Right, what happened?

I reckon, what's she going, lad, what fucking happened? If you don't tell me, we're not leaving. No, she'll go, I loved the bit with the bananas, dad. And I'll go, yeah, it was a good bit. And she goes, tricked you. No bananas. No bananas.

No bananas! Our whole relationship is a lie. And she, you know, it was a good bit. And she goes, trick you. No bananas. No bananas. No bananas. A whole relationship is a lie. And she, you know, she's fine for escaping. She knows where it's at. What do you mean? She knows I'm the fun parent with her, you know? Yeah, but what if she's been like talking to someone on the internet?

All right, well that's every parent's biggest fear. What if the boys from Two Doors Down are like, hey. They don't talk on the internet, they shout over fences. Yeah, what if they like realize that there needs to be more co-bars and they're planning and it's like, oh, I can't play out. I've got to go to the cinema with my dad. And they're like, right, put a bit of this in his drink, wait for him to fall asleep. And then we'll meet you outside and then we can go and play out.

Don't take drinks off these kids. So these eight year olds from her school, that are in her class and speak to her every day are now giving me Ro Hipno to get her to play outside the cinema where they've met her. So in the, they're in the car park. All right. Car parks are massive though. Yeah. You got it. Yeah. I'm just saying be on your toes, you know, never date rape your dad to play in a car park. Yeah. Be careful. don't take drinks. And that's the lesson we want all eight year old listeners to really take on board today. Okay. As well, when you got a kid, her talking to him on the internet is one of your biggest fears. But it's, yeah, it's not all the eight year olds from her school. Who'd you been talking to online? Callum.

That's fine. Have you had that chat with Etta? About strange on the internet. Have you spoke, is that like done in schools now? Cause it wasn't done in our school really was it? It has to be done in schools now. It wasn't done in our school for obvious reasons. Because the internet was strange on the radio.

No, they're good Alvin. Mate, you should be jotting these down. I'm writing them down, I've got no... Surely they do online safety in schools, Mal. They have to. They did it when I was just, they also had World Drug Day. But we all have drugs. They, it progresses, you went up the years.

Cause like they started in year- They give you weed in year seven, coke in year eight. Well in year one you had to, they talked about two kids finding a brown bag and you had to draw in the bag what you thought drugs were. And I thought it was a baby elephant. But then like, as it got to the end of the lesson, it started making not much sense that it was a baby elephant.

And then they were like, I think someone had drawn pills and they were like, that's really good. And then once you get to like year six, it's like, uh, how good was the drawing of the pill? Was it like they'd have a little like a Mitsubishi logo on it? Cause I'd suggest why did you draw a baby elephant? Cause that sounds like what I, if anything, I was thinking I was smart. I was like, it might not be a calf could be called the drug. Do I mean like any of those different terminology for animals. So I thought it was going to be a baby elephant called drug. It's not, it's like ecstasy in it. But I think we've all learned a lot today.

I'll add three baby elephants there please. But then when we got to year six, it was like they told us about magic mushrooms, but we all thought that was amazing because some girl said that some fella took magic mushrooms and was convinced for the rest of his life that he was a Super Mario. That's a strong mushroom. That's a bad drug away when he's all coming away. Go on I want to try that. And the teacher was trying to be like no don't. Listen the other stuff's a bit harsh but you're year six, get on the shrooms lad. And you're in the countryside in Pobold you could just go out into the fucking woods. Exactly you're in the countryside in par bowl you could just go

out into the fucking woods. Exactly just roam in the field there's a big hill. How are they class? How are shrooms class A? What a load of shit. I mean the effects they have on your body. Because they also they send you to another dimension then don't they? I don't think it's that accessibility. What dimension is that? The giggle dimension? It's fucking, do you know what I mean? You can find them in the field, take him and go, wow, it feels mad, clatter that. What a load of shit. Like I get it.

If it's come from Colombia or some Peruvian ladies, I mean, I don't know why she'd be the drugs wheel. Just get a Colombian lady. I get it with a cocaine. I get it. So you think this is just classified? Yeah. Decriminalized, definitely. Shrooms just with her with her? Yeah. He criminalized. I definitely

shrooms me. So 16 year olds just go and get a bag of shrooms from the dam. Like you did. They can't. Can they 16? What a mad example. Why from the dam? Like that's when it's like packaged and stuff. That's where they add them. He's talking about like just going to a field and finding them. You can go in into a field, round ours. It's the same effect. Yeah. Yeah. But that is a class A drug. What's going on there? Isn't cocaine just a plant though? It's chemical. They're doing stuff to that. You can't just get the coca leaves, isn't it? You can't just have them in your diet. So if I just put that in me NutriBullet, that's not then limo? No.

I'm getting smoothies. Does anyone try these Colombian smoothies? I think it's the fucking raspberries. I put in a lot of food in. God, does anyone else love vitamins? Oh! If only world leaders were on raspberries! Yeah, I think once... How do you make cocaine? Let me tell you. It's like chemicals and like... That's not a recipe.

I can't just go to you... They bust you know. If you make a roast pin and an iron torch, it's food and that. I think they don't tell you. If you were to make a roast chicken and an island's arch, there's food in there. I think they don't tell you in school, so you don't go out and make it. How do you make cocaine? Google often. No, hang on. Order. Order. Karl, that's not why they don't. The interesting thing is, when the kids get their first direction in the house, how to make cocaine.

Here you are on a watch list. It's washed with chemicals and fucking dry. They're bad gasses. I love it. You're gas. We don't teach them in school because they just go out and make it. The cocaine fields of Butyl. They mix it with different chemicals and then like nitric acid and treaded to extract cocoa paste and the cocoa paste is crystallized and purified to make cocaine. Yeah. Yeah. They get people to tread on it. One cocoa leaf naturally contains 1% of cocaine. 1% of what? Like 1% of the plant is cocaine. Is that also chocolate? It's not cocoa. Once again, I can see why that with all of that and all of the murder involved of getting

it over here. So many gangs bad in it. Where are the, you know, the fucking shroom gangs? There's no crime. There's no, no one's ever fucking had a heart attack from shrooms. Have they? I can't imagine it. Come on. Maybe no one's ever shot up a fucking mall. Now shrooms have they? I can't imagine it. Come on. Maybe. No one's ever shot up a fucking mall on shrooms. What are we doing? People will have had a heart attack on like cheese though. Yeah, like it depends how the mushrooms are cooked on it. If you get magic mushrooms and cook them in a lot of butter, that's going to clog your arteries up. Sorry. In your head are magic mushrooms going in a pan, garlic, butter. He's doing it like a leg of lamb. Can he know?

You can use portobello mushrooms as bombs can't you? It's like he's trying to say the most special needs thing. That's the thing in it, like there's something in it. If you pop grenades inside them yeah. I swear I saw a clip of told me about like big mushroom and they were like we can't let them know about the Portobello. What as in like the mushroom control overloads? Google can I build a bomb with Portobello mushrooms? You can cook magic mushrooms. Google build a bomb after yours. Can you use, what was it, Portobello mushrooms?

Is something about Portobello mushrooms being explosive. As explosive. I used to just chow down the shrooms, mate. Even as a fussy eater. They're horrible. But you just get them fucking in you. Here's a question, Carl. I'd like your help with this as well. He's not wrong. What?

He's not wrong. About what? They can use portobello mushrooms as an explosive. Right. It's all up here. Oh, but that's available at Morrison's and Magic Mushrooms are a classic drug. Don't tell Aisha's that mate. We've got a fucking M&S. We've got some bastard force. Little stream clouds everywhere. Even with your fussy eating, you just used to chow down on the mushrooms, but you would, do you have

mushrooms like on a breakfast? No. On my cornflakes? No... But if they got him fucking high, he would have... This is what I'm wondering, if I gave you like a full like deep fried sea bass but I told you they got you off your chops, do you reckon you'd just be able to eat it? I think it would, yeah. If Rainbow Haddock made me see a rainbow, like I would think about giving it more of a try. Yeah, 100%. What right now, what is the advantage of me eating a fish? I'm gagging over the taste and smell and whatnot. And long-term I've had a slight increase in omega, oh what?

Omega. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. It was with an R. Omega. Omega three. Nearly ended the podcast there didn't I? Talking about fish. Yeah, I'd give it a maybe, I don't know. But with the shrooms. Next time we do a Dan vs Food, why don't we just sprinkle some crack on it for you. Oh, this is getting more fun. Dan versus foods getting way more fun. Oh, Dan versus drugs. Let's just get you high. Is there any insane note? If you were trying herriman, but a small ladies and gents, we're playing the hits. Um, all right, let's go for a break. It's not for

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the best thing we've ever done. It's a masterpiece. Um, let's do some. Jake Hall says, all right, lads have a word with me or my last. We've been together six years and we decided to buy a house together. We'll be getting the keys in roughly August. She thinks when we move in, we need to go and knock on the neighbours doors and introduce ourselves with gifts. I think she's absolutely insane for this and that we should be the ones getting the gifts

as we're moving in. One of the neighbours is an older woman, potentially a widow, and the other neighbour is a woman who we're pretty sure is the leader of the neighborhood watch as she's constantly looking outside the window. What this sounds like my street. What gifts would you buy for each neighbor or should we just not even bother? We both love the pod, keep up the good work. And that's from Jake Hall. It's from a fucking gimp in his gimpy bed. What the fuck is this? I knocked and said, hello. I was like, I have just moved in. Nice to meet you. Carl said like, blah, blah, blah. And then I was like, why would you take gifts? I didn and said, hello. I was like, I have just moved in. Nice to meet you, Carl said like a blah, blah, blah. And then it was like-

Why would you take gifts? I didn't take- Hamter? Just a small hamter. You should get the gift. Congratulations. Why would you give the meat? Maybe I could take a tailored gift to each one. If she's a widow, she might be lonely.

A dildo? A vibrator. It's a lovehoney.co.uk used to promo code AFF-Word20. And get that old woman, a womanizer, and she'll squirt all over the living room. Say that to her when you give the gift as well. Have you got carpets in there?

Like, oh, see you just moved in, meet here's a bottle of wine, hope it's all gone. So you knock on and just go, where's my gifts? That's how you get the ball rolling. Hey, we've just moved in. The fucking way to gifts. Come on. Stamped duties. Did you buy all your neighbours gifts when you moved in?

Yeah. What did you get Neil? What did I get Neil? Yeah. Oh, it was a, yeah, a new carton nozzle. I think bottle of wine for the direct neighbours is not a bad move. Next door. Not a bad move.

When you move in. Yeah. It's just a... Just a lot of way sound. And then the dream is that they're like, hey, and we've got your bottle of wine as well. You do a wine swap. I'm going to get them a copy of Finn's album on cassette.

Come and see. When I'm even. Nice. I don't know, I like that. Buying a house just takes ages, by the way, don't it? Yeah, it takes fucking ages. Do you remember when we said that? And you were like, nah, it'd sound like Tuesday.

Why do you think I was giving Joey U shout outs? Why? Why do you think I was giving Joey you shout outs? To push it through faster. Give them a shout out. Give who a shout out? Ours. Shout out to Ours. Thank you very much for being built back in the 1800s.

Really appreciate it. Nice one. Go to Ours.co.uk, use the promo code, move it the fuck along. Slash Abinro. It's in the pocket of Big House. Oh, I want me house. Right, yeah, yeah.

I want my house now. Right. I've offered the money, I've got the deposit. Nationwide have said, hey, we'll give you the mortgage. So what are we waiting for? They still live in the house. They want to move out. Ah, right.

They're keen to go. They're fucking off to Cyprus. Oh nice. The elderly couple who are retiring in the hills of Mount Tibidabo. Did we just make up a mountain? No, it's actually that's in the foothills of Barcelona. From friends. Oh no, but it is a natural mountain. Mount Tibidabo. I think it's Tibidabo. But it's in Barcelona. Right. Yeah, it It's a friend's court. Is it? Yeah. It is. Google. It's a real mountain. Um, it's added to the list. But yeah, I'm buying my house off a wonderful, uh, Greek Cypriot couple. And they're moving to, and like when I made the offer, they were like, are you ready to go now? Cause we want to go now. And they're moving to, and like when I made the offer, they were like, are you

ready to go now? Cause we want to go now. And I was like, let's go now. And you thought that meant a week and a half down the line. I just thought like, but why, what? Cause conveyance solicitors are walking shit. Is a conveyance. So they're doing all the bits that you're not legally qualified to do. Like what? Contact banks and move money and do legal shit. Yeah, all the contracts and they can't post that because it's too important. So they have to walk it around on a mule and that's

just their way. But what? Do you know how much you pay per email by the way? When they break it down, it's pathetic. They will charge you to read an email. They're sending emails now. I just pay the flat fee. Yeah, but in the flat fee it's like will charge you to read an email. They're sending emails now. Yeah, but in the fluffy it's like, yeah, there's an email reading. I couldn't be like, it's just that's how much it costs. You've got it. I don't care about it. I'm not reading the breakdown. Just, Hey, I want to give them this money and they want to give me their house. What? Like, why is it not just that? Like if I was selling you some fucking magic beans, it would be like that. Wouldn't it? If you get conveyance listers for magic beans that feels a bit... What are they checking? What are they doing? They're checking that you're not like moving it illegally

the money and they're checking like they're checking the house. Carl they're sitting on the fucking hands. Yeah but I'm saying they open envelopes very slowly. Papercuts are a nightmare. Google what the conveyance listeners do. It's all boring shit. They don't do anything. Mine had a mental breakdown and retired. They're trying to make it out. They're trying to drag it out so it feels like it's worth 1100 quid. 100%.

That's what they're doing. Just do it today. And I'll give you 1200 TR. Get yourself some yogurts mate. There you go. Fucking extra 100., fucking extra hundreds. Just fucking do it. I told you this. I was gonna go and sit on my couch. Have you bought a couch?

No. Oh. That takes longer than you think by the way. No, it does not. Not if you go in with cash and a fucking bit of tenacity. We have proved that when we moved in that studio and ruined the afternoon of the people who worked at DFS. I need two couches as well.

It takes longer than you think. That'll take six. Matching couch. No couch for the living room, couch for the man cave in the attic. Just get in there and make some cash offers mate. Take some meat. What are you doing? Steve who's never bought a house has so many factual opinions on houses.

Steve wants to do his own house by the way. Do you have a bathroom? When you get your bathroom though he's he's like, I'll do it. Yeah, he's gonna live in a shit house. He's adamant that he can do it. And he's adamant that he can do it. The plumbing. He's going, I'll do it, I'll do it, I'm not a tyler.

Never done it before. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've got YouTube. It'll be absolutely fine. No, you can do aesthetic stuff. Tyling, painting, wallpapering No you can't you you can do aesthetic stuff. Thailand painting wallpaper and you can. Dead well though to a professional standard. Thailand's difficult. Wallpaper and painting yeah but Thailand. No but you can do it. Yeah of course. And genuinely if you go on YouTube and watch how it's done you can do it. I'd still fuck it up. You can but you wouldn't. No I would.

still fucking up. You can, but you wouldn't. No, I would. I don't need to buy a couch or make one. No, I'm going to make all my own furniture. If you tile your bathroom. No, I'm not tiling my bathroom. I'm getting a bath put into the little spare room. You're making your own furniture. So I'm going to go on Facebook marketplace, find some bargains and do some restoration. You're going to do shabby chic? Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, you are not.

Yes, I am. You think I'm getting in the pocket of big Dunelm, mate? By the way, when you're moving, Dunelm's the sickest gaff. I know it is. They charge through the nose. So you're a mugelm's the sickest gaff. I know it is. They charge through the nose. You're a mug mate, pay first hand prices, pay for some Dunelm stuff from 2012, shabby sheet kit, which will be getting it in the house going, that's not right then. And then fucking it off into the drive.

That'd be great. It's going to be my new passion project. How's your journaling going? What? Journaling. I've got it with me. Is it filled in? What do you mean? Have've been right. I've

written in it today because I woke up and walked here, but I actually do need to write some stuff down there. I need to do some more. Big furniture. Big done home. No, I am going to do some restoration. So what's the first gift that you're giving to your neighbours? I'm not giving my neighbours any gifts. They're going to be lucky enough to be living next to me. There you go. That's it. Draw the battle lines early. Yeah. This is my fucking property. They're gonna be fucking made up when I make too much pasta one night and the whole street gets fed. Taking pasta round? Yeah.

Maybe that's a gift. That's a gift. That's a great gift. The gift of food. I've actually made 11 pans of pasta. There's nothing like, they're the best neighbours aren't they? But knock on at 6.30, 7pm. Have you drawn some pasta? My neighbours knock on and give me vegetables from the allotment.

Which is nice. All good. Are they alright? They're lovely. Alright, great. What about cooked pasta? It's cold because it's the middle of winter. I like cakes and stuff.

They're like, yeah, I made a cake. Oh, you bring cakes round all day. When I overbid for that charity cake at school, took it round to the neighbours, I had a really nice moment. Here's some cake, have a slice. Pasta? Uncooked? I was hungry. Why would you give me uncooked pasta? Why would I give them uncooked pasta? I meant cooked, but I said uncooked. That changed what I said a lot. If someone brought me a cooked pasta now,

nice one. Yeah, if you were sat on the couch going, I don't know what to do for dinner here, should we get a takeaway? I can't really be asked. I knocked and was like, Bolognese. You'd be like, nice one. If you were sat on the couch going, I don't know what to do for dinner today, should we get a takeaway? I can't really be, I was cooking, and then I knocked and was like, Bolognese, you'd be like, fropping. You're absolutely right. If I was sat there going, I haven't got any food in and I'm absolutely starving,

and someone brought around a pizza and went, hey, we've just ordered pizzas. In fact, we're not having them. Can we feed you? That would be sad, wouldn't it? You know, are you thirsty as well? I'll get you a six pack of Diet Coke. Brilliant.

Yeah. I can't believe how much you just don't believe in me with this sort of stuff, you know? Are you thirsty as well? I'll get you a six pack of Diet Coke. Brilliant. Can't believe how much you don't believe in me with this sort of stuff, you know. I think I'd get more stuff done if you believed in me more. Because I am going to do this restoration stuff and I actually think I'm going to do more than I need. Go around, hello, I've got a sideboard. Loads of fucking rigatoni and a sideboard. Who doesn't want fucking pasta and a sideboard? What have you got in the store? Bookcases. Have you got any books?

No but I'm going to use them as shelving. Yeah, the mistake people make is they buy other people's books, fucking soft arses. Write your own books. That's my bookcase with my literature. Yeah, and it's second hand. 300 quid, I sanded one fucking shelf. It's mine, I shabby sheet that I basically made. So you're looking for a worn down bookcase to restore.

Stop criticizing him for shitting on his dreams. He'd have already made a bookcase by now on pod if we weren't such negative Nellies. Go on Adam, you fly. Fly eagle fly. Also, you can find stuff on Facebook Marketplace for like 20 quid. Spend a day restoring it. It's worth about three grand. What do you think restoring means? It's going to be hard putting gigs in, innit? I'm making too much money from sideboards. Adam's one of the best comedians in the country you know his specials out there,

Juicy's one of the best things anyone's seen but he's really been distracted recently by coffee tables. He's making three grand a coffee table. Also you can make coffee tables really cheaply. You go down B and Q you get get some oak. Yeah. Sandy glue it together. Coffee table. Bosch. Two grand in your back pocket. Where are you getting two grand from? The two grand I would have spent on a coffee table. You get it out the back and put it in your pocket. Save that. In my pocket. In my pocket. My massive pocket.

So I'm going, you're on Facebook marketplace. do coffee table. Oh, I'll go and get that from Litherland. It's going to be fun. Drive to Litherland. There's some, ah yeah, you can have it for 20 quid, lad. And then what you do? What do you mean? How do you restore it? What you do with it? Beat off. Work is magic. Take it home. Yeah. Clean it with water. So you get it wet. Because I'll tell you what, nothing better than wet oak. Right. So what's it made of? Oak? Yeah, it's a little like, yeah, it's a little oak coffee table. Has it been painted or anything before?

No, it's a beat up one. Like it's a bit chipped and... Yeah, they have rough coffees in this house. So you sand it down. Oh, sand it down. Is that after you've got it wet? If it's just oaked and you don't need to wash it. Ah, there you go. Saved on water.

There's more money in your back pocket. That's United Utilities off your fucking back. That's too grand. Sandy, yeah, smooth it, smooth the grand. Sandy, yeah, smoothie edges. Look how you want. Bit of a wood primer. Bit of wood finish. Bosh.

Then what? You put it in your living room? Yeah. No, you sell it, Dickard, the two grand. This is genuine Adam Rowe, Litherland Oak. It's worth thousands. Two grand's conservative by the way. I'm coming round for a coffee, had a good look.

Living room's full of coffee tables. About 400 grand of coffee tables in there. You should act like this doesn't happen every day. All over the world. People pay off the mortgages in three days with Lidl and oak. What you do, sand it down, smooth it, just with your hands, just say nice things to it. That's what people don't do with oak. They beat it up, you just go, God you're some lovely wood you are.

Yeah let me varnish you. How much are you worth? Yeah you're right, you're worth two grand. Get you on Facebook marketplace where everyone's got two grand for oak. Write my name on it so everyone knows. You don't resell it on Facebook marketplace. You go to Oak Furnishland and you barter. You barter to be one of their suppliers. Of one table? The mate of yours is getting bulk, buying out bulk, why don't you buy off me? I was just at the coffee table, because it's going to retail at 220

quid, wow I want two grand for it. I smoothed it with these very hands. I had to drive to Litherland. Thank God I didn't have to pour water on it. It's absolutely foolproof. It's a no-brainer, if anything. An absolute no-brainer. You're welcome, everyone who listens. You're a millionaire now. You're all going to feel very foolish when I make my money. Yeah, you're going to forget about it by Thursday.

And it's Wednesday. It's a fact. It's a fact. Got another. Where is it? Cameron Sturgess says, evening chaps. That's a fact. That's a fact. Got another. Where have you gone? Cameron Sturgess says, evening chaps. Long time, thanks for letting us know when you wrote the email in. Long time listener, first time caller, Pete Davidson has bought the Staten Island ferry

and plans to convert it into a five floor cinema stroke club. What famous things or places would you each want to save and repurpose I'm a true fan I imagine Carl will want to save good as an park and keep it as a museum public it's public transport I just buy the 81 turn it into a fucking strip club well I mean that's a fucking great idea in it Carl's not gonna be able to buy Goodison because they're giving it to the women's team. Yeah, all true. Oh, they are.

Oh, they're talking about giving it to the women's team. Pete Davidson bought the Staten Island ferry. Hang on. I mean, that sounds, if you're rich and famous, do stupid stuff. It's well-interested. Don't be dead sensible and be like, oh, I'll probably know it's an investment. But Goodison's... So they're talking about giving it to the women be like, oh, I'll probably know where's the investments. But Goodison's... So they're talking about giving it to the women's team, yeah, ladies.

But doesn't it cost millions to keep it going every... There's a lot of arguments for and against, but I mean... I think they've looked into that bit. They must have, mustn't they? Yeah, but wow. So when everyone's like, oh, we're going to say goodbye to Goodison, it's still going to be there. It's just not with.

Right. Because with the new Old Trafford, they're thinking about doing the same thing, but massively reducing the size of it. With actual Old Trafford? Are they? Yeah, that's what I read yesterday. One of the plans is to keep Old Trafford, but massively reduce the size to the needs of the youth teams and the women's football. That's just like, now they're gonna have to knock it down though, cause they haven't got the space in the area to,

like that's where the new stadium is gonna go. The new footprint is nice. Oh, I thought it wasn't there. Like Tottenham's is kind of like semi in its own footprint. Can I ask you a question? I know that we don't talk about football loads. Um, watch the great game in football last night, Liverpool warehouse, but genuinely you're proud of them. Wasn't devastated. Walked away going over the two legs. They probably deserved it. I thought

we were better last night. They were better first leg. We've got a cup final the weekend and we're almost certainly going to win the league. What a way to console yourself. Like it was just fine. And your passion's oak anyway now, so. I think PSG might win it. I think they're really, really good. Can they play Barcelona at any point in the final? That will be a fucking unbelievable final. Yeah.

How good's Lamine? Um, Yamal. 17? He's good. He's not as good as Vettinia, who plays Centimid for PSG and I would... He runs the game. How much question? You know when football clubs name their stadiums after the sponsor,

how do you feel about that? Does it icht ye? Yeah. Because I'm just not asked me. Right. I thought about this today because Tottenham Stadium is called... Yeah. Does it? A bit. Because I'm just not asked me. Because you... Right. I thought it was for this or that because Tottenham Stadium is called the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium, isn't it? Which feels silly.

If Anfield was renamed like Foxy Bingo, like Foxy Bingo, and it'd be a big move for Foxy Bingo, but they came in and went, we're going to fly it. And it was the Foxy Bingo arena. You'd be like, sound. Surely they'd pick Leicester. I just wouldn't care. Like if they came in and was like, we'll give you the hundred million a year. I'm just in my head. That's two players a year. That's the Foxy Bingo. And I'd still call it Anfield. It's also only the new stadium.

It's different, I suppose, when it's a new stadium. Like if, you know, it also only the new stadium. It's different I suppose when it's a new stadium. Like if, you know. It's only the new, I want the new stadium to be called Bramley Moor, but it's not. We're selling the name and rights. Why do you care? I don't know. You've only known it's called Bramley Moor for about 14 months. No, no, no.

What I mean is I don't want it to be called the fucking Foxy Bingo Arena. Why you'd asked? I thought it just cheapens it a little bit. Why? I don't know. It just, in your edit. it's not like just pay for more players and make it more successful. Yeah. But like there's a reason why more important, but there's a reason why it's not called like the Foxy bingo. Ben about like it's, I know it's a new ground. Foxy bingo and making moves by the way. Like Byans is the Allianz. I know. And that's a bit, I mean, they're an old, they're an old like, aren't they?

I don't know. It just feels a bit stinky. I mean, I probably would get over it if the money was used properly. But if Everton's Newgrounds, like the ads that are in it, I'd be like, oh, that's not a good one. If it ended up being Tesco after all of like jokes through the years that it's going to look like a big Tesco. That's an arena. It just seems a bit. And also there's a 10 year deal that then goes. So it's like the arena in it, like the arena is the, it was the MEN in Manchester and people called it the MEN and now it's fucking God knows what changes every 10 years. I still go there, man, but it will always be Bramley dock. I know it's like, it will be referred to as Bramley Dock,

but it is a bit stinky every 10 years, having the official name of your ground change. It's called the Goodison Derby, it's called the Anfield Derby. It's not gonna be called like the whatever brand. The Asda Derby. You know what I mean? It just doesn't, it just hasn't got the same like,

I mean, history's kind of gone to the new ground, but. I mean, fair fucks to Newcastle fans, because they really dug their heels in when Mike actually tried to change the name of St. James' Park. So it wasn't all the load. If it's a new stadium and it gets the name at the start, like the Emirates or the Etihad, then that's different because I think the name matters like Emirates and Allianz, these are... Prestige companies. Quite nice names as well. What companies would you not want to be the sponsor of?

What's mad is I don't associate either of them with the companies I associate them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. Exactly. The Emirates isn't anything to do with Fly Emirates, it's just... When honestly... Not something they call their stadium. Because it's Etihad Airways, isn't it? Yeah.

Etihad is such a strong association for football with me. When I think I flew to Dubai and I saw an Etihad Airways, isn't it? Etihad is such a strong association for football with me. When I think I flew to Dubai and I saw an Etihad Airways, I was like, oh shit, yeah. Because I don't feel like I know many people that have flown Etihad. So I think it matters on the brand as well then. Cause if you've got a prestigious brand like that,

then yeah, but if it was like the easy jet arena. Well, Walsall Stadium, which is the best, Scott, is called the Poundland Stadium. Oh no. And they're sponsored by Poundland, but they're, Walsall stadium, which is the best Scott is called the palm man stadium. Oh, no, they're sponsored by parlin, but they're also get most of them money from that because the the motorway got any like lower league fan when you're going on away days, it goes past walsall stadium. So the top of it, they're basically selling motorway advertising at the top of their stadiums. It's next to the RAC building. And yeah, I've drove past that and I genuinely just thought it was a big parliament. It's good away day.

Yeah. I don't know. I mean, I understand the question, but it's nice to have and feel you on field is on field. Yeah. But it always would be. I'm surprised by your tape. You know, I honestly thought you'd be pretty hard lying on this. Like, but I think it's just because if Liverpool built a new ground and they were like, this is going to be the fucking Mr. Muscle arena. Right. I think I'd be like, Oh, take that one. Right. But like if they really, if they could, if FSG come up and was like, right, we've sold, let it probably be standard charter for us, wouldn't it? So if it was now called the standard chartered stadium,

but we're getting 100 million extra a year. And I've seen that going in transfer budget and us buying players with it. I wouldn't call it that. And I don't care if Gary Lineker does on match of the day and to the standard charter stadium, it's- The announcer in the ground has to say it. What's an announcer in the ground has to say it. Well, the announcer has to say, George has to go. Welcome to the standard charred stadium. I just, I think we don't,

I think we just like relish in Bowen. Yeah. New, new stadium that's been partly, partly paid for fine. You, I'm field, you can't fuck with that. But here's what I'm saying is if it was a new stadium, I think that's when it wouldn't still be called Anfield. If we built a new one and it was the standard chartered stadium, I think because it's new and that's all it's ever been called, everyone would be like, well, that's the standard, like with the Emirates.

Yeah, yeah, totally. But if they renamed Anfield the standard chartered stadium, it wouldn't bother me because I'd just be like, well, it's still Anfield. Has that happened? St. James Park. They didn't, they didn't do it. They called it the sports director. Oh, I thought they didn't. No, they did. It was the sports director. Oh, did it? Not still though. Oh, no. Oh, I thought the Newcastle fans put a stop to it. No, they just refused to call it. That's what I'm saying. The Allianz is new, I'm saying. The Allianz

is new, isn't it? That was the Allianz from the start, wasn't it? Yeah. It used to be in the old Olympic. Rills is the Hops and Barley community stadium now. Oh, God. Like Robinson's Hops and Barley. Yeah. And it was Bellevue. There's one in Scotland. I can't remember the team that's the Tony Mac macaroni stadium. I'd like that. That's funny. Coming down the Tony macaroni. Who's Tony macaroni? It's a, it's a, a right either a restaurant or it's not Tony's Chocoloni. No, that would be just as good. I think it's a restaurant. I think it's like a pasta chain or like an Italian chain and the galaxy stadium. Speaking of which, Jack Malloy says if you had to choose one cuisine to eat for the rest of your life, but then all the people from the country culture of that cuisine get wiped

out from the face of the earth, from the face of the earth, what would you choose? Chinese. Why did you answer that so fast? I've thought about this before. Yeah. Even think why did you want to have to have thought about this before? Yeah. And also they don't do. There's the ever impending threats of war from China, isn't it? So you'd immediately stop that. And I still get salt and pepper and ribs. Like the average Chinese person doesn't. Yeah, the upper echelons of it included with the wipeout. They also make everything though. Yeah. They make everything. So then that would, all of their industry would stop and then you wouldn't get back. We get back some of our industry in this country, you know, maybe

we can make fidget spinners. We don't get fake football tops. You're losing out on that as well. It's true. I don't own any flags. What is a small nation? He don't care about you. You like you've got to eat their food forever. Yeah. But you like their food. I mean, Greece, Italy, Greece, wipe them out. There you go. Italy surely. No one likes any Italian people in here. What? Oh, he's half Irish. So he's off. Is he half dead then? No, he's dead. Anyone with any Italian blood. The Rizzo. Oh yeah. Oh yes. There we go. America. America. Food and all idiots. bad. America. We've got food and all the idiots. Sorry. Nepal.

I go Nepalese. Nepalese food is belter. Nepalese food is belter and I like the people of Nepal, but it's a very, it's like a low carbon footprint annihilation. You know what I mean? They're Burmese. All right. Mexican.

The Vatican. You like Vatican scrag? It's just going to be Italian. Oh yeah. What's the cuisine of the Vatican? The cuisine of the Vatican is going to be Roman, isn't it? Yeah, but it's all made by nuns. So all of your food. Yeah, that's all they're doing. Pasta, pizza, all the Vatican meat. Oh, can I just say he's nailed it. Can I, I've got one. Don't you, why do you hate the Greek? I think Polish food. And I think it's a good idea. Oh, hang on. You've absolute. I've fucked this up. Go on. I'm going to give you this because I know what's coming. I think, uh, I love

Polish food. I'm always eating Polish food. because I know what's coming. I think I love Polish food. I'm always eating Polish food. I think, Dan, you should maybe try some Polish food prepared by Julia. A lovely Julia. Julia, who's Polish. Yeah. Right. She's put you a smorgasbord together of Polish scram. And I was going to eat it with you until I've just remembered I decided to go carnival for the week B2 I've just decided to go nil by mouth for the month

Go on. Should we have a little little pause and we'll come back with Dan vs Food. We'll be right back after these messages There's no messages. We're going to check your text. All right Hello everyone, welcome back to Dan versus Food. Dan is a 47 year old man with food phobias, which basically means he really struggles to eat food he's never had before, that he doesn't like the look of, and even some stuff that he has had before and he doesn't like the look of. We often force him to try some food that he would never have tried. You've done really well over the past couple of years, haven't you, Dan? You've tried a lot of stuff that you would never

have tried. Anyway, we have a wonderful lady called Julia. She's our dog sitter. She manages the office room for us when we're in here recording and she's Polish. And I think it's about time you tried some Polish cuisine. Bring in the scram please! Oh Dan you are 44 today aren't you for the regions? Guys, guys. Mate that looks like stuff you eat every day. Oh Dan that looks well nice. Wow yum yum. Oh I wish I wasn't vegetarian. Lucky bugger.

There's very little chance. Whatever that is, whatever that octopus shite is. Oh my God. You're insulting the people of Poland. Fuck Poland. I'll repeat your answer so people know cause you're not mic'd. What did you say is in the glasses? Repeat your answer so people know, because you're not mic'd it.

What did you say is in the glasses? Vodka for the fish on the spoon. Ugh! It's vodka, she said vodka by the way. I think it was for the fish on the spoon. Oh yeah, there was nothing. So he should have the fish on the spoon and then chase it with the vodka.

Okay. I'm not... You found my line. Dan. I Okay. You found my line. Dan. I already know you found my line. It's versus food. I don't give a... Dan, you had an oyster last week.

I was pissed. You had two? After vodka first then. This is the worst thing you've ever put in front of me. And I like you, Julia, but this is a real, this is a, oh. Well, I think maybe. Oh, you got a menu. Are you printing out a menu?

Oh, that's nice. You wrote a menu? So the bread thing, is that the paprika? Okay, so we'll start with the paprika. Yeah, we will and we'll fucking finish with it. So why don't we, you're going to try all of it. Oh. Oh, that looks nice. What is this? Have a nice look. I think we let him try it first and then we tell him exactly what he's just had. Oh, I'll eat it. It smells

lovely. That could be peri peri chicken for all you know. It actually is pretty pretty We are so back. Disrespect. Where's my vodka? So that is Paprikas. That is a canned fish spread. Fish and rice tomato spread eaten on sourdough from a Shishin. Shishin a port. It's located where Julia's family is from. Disrespect.

Yeah. Is it? Is it? Well, get ready for the next level of disrespect. Fuck Poland. And the spoon Julia, is that the Galerethas Mieschen? Oh, I don't need another name. That's the other one? Okay, cool. So this one, Dan, is a Galerethas Mieschen. What is that, Adam? Do you want to know? Or do you want to eat it? Well, I can see through the gelatin. What do you want to eat it? Well, I can see through the gelatin. I think it's tuna, egg, carrots and peas. No, no, no, no, no. This is, are you going to try it? It's, no, no, try it, try it first, try it first. He'll get in his head if he is what it is. Dan, can you tip the plate up so the camera can see? By the way, audio listeners, that is just at the look of it. He's not put it anywhere

near his mouth yet. Come on, choo choo. It's a slightly... Get the Polish train in you. It looks like jelly made out of fish. Guys, you've... You've got to try it. You've gone too far. You've found my line and that is it. Choo choo choo. And the worst thing is, I'm not eating it. I'm gonna vote. It's been worse, Polish trains. It's Polish cat food. You think you can be Polish cat food. Carl.

But it's just no need. It was choo choo. I'm so glad we've got a joke to go with this. Choo choo choo. Do it, come on. Do it. It's smelly. Get it in. I can't do it. Come on. Do it. Smelly. Get it in. You can. You're a big boy. Just try it. You found my line. No, Dan. You are fine. This'm not tapping. No, because we can move on to something else. No, we can't move on to something else.

And see if he wants to come back to it. No. You found my line as a fucking... I'm so proud of you. I don't give a fuck what you say, you liar. You found my line. This is so disrespectful to Julia's family. This is their Christmas dinner.

This is their Christmas dinner. Oh. Which is on the 24th of December, by the way. Put it back. Dan. You're not chew chewing that into me. Close your eyes and open your mouth and I'll do it for you.

Yeah, Dan, close your eyes, that will help. That cannot. It's edible, isn't it? It's food. What's gonna happen? The worst thing that's gonna happen. You found my line. Dan.

No. Dan. You just have to spit it out. Do you wanna know what it is? Cause it's not even fish. This is jelly with meat. That sounds like it. Worst kids birthday ever.

A popular appetizer saved at family gatherings and often a Christmas topped with vinegar and often alongside alcohol. Merry Christmas. Oh, it's meat. It's meat, jelly and vinegar. It's just meat. Oh, it's meat, jelly and vinegar. It's meat, jelly and vinegar. I wish meat. Oh, it's meat jelly and vinegar. Oh, it's meat jelly and vinegar.

I wish you'd just said it that nonchalantly. Come on, you can do it. You can, you can just do it and then it's done. Stop looking at it. As soon as you do it, all of this is over. There's no way. There's no, this, this. I'll tell you what.

You've pushed it too far. Easy to have some. You knew what you were gonna do and now you find the last, no, I don't give a fuck. That is it. There's no way. There's no way. Tiny bit.

That's a well-better little bit. Tiny bit. Do it. Do it. Oh, it's on my jeans. Well done, Dan. Oh, you've done it. What's that reaction?

Oh, don't put the fork in the bin. Drink the vodka. It doesn't matter. The next bit's on a spoon. Oh, fine. You're doing really well here. I'm done. That is not going in my mouth, lads. Dan.

No. Look, I think you'll feel better about it once you know what it is. You've got a dessert as well. Go on. Okay, finally is sleds. Sleds? This is pickled herring. Get to fuck. Julia respectfully fuck off. Do what a herring

is Dan. No I'm out. This is not. It's like a chicken. It's a Polish chicken. Is it Polish chicken? Yeah. Hell you should have said. Pickled chicken. This is for meals for camp. Thank you guys. You've pushed your luck and we're here. Not a fucking challenge. This is a type of snack also often served with alcohol can come in a variety of sources and said with a shot of cold vodka. Dan, have you pickled chicken and be a good boy?

Thank you, vodka. This is nowhere near as bad as what you've just had and you did it. Inedible. It's a pickled chicken? It's not inedible. That's so disrespectful to Polish people. Oh, I dislike them so much more. Comeible. It's a pickle chicken. That's so disrespectful to Polish people. I dislike them so much more. It's a pickle chicken. Have your pickle chicken.

Congratulations. Dan you're not having your fruit custard if you don't have your pickle chicken. I'm not having that either. What's that? Fruit custard. There's jelly. Just let me try the jelly thing. Come on. Let me try the next. I'm not putting that in my mouth. There's no way. There's no fucking way. What's the way I think that can happen? What's the worst thing? We can literally keep this conversation going for an awful amount of time. This is my fuck. You've found my real nightmare. I'm not even for the pod putting that anywhere in my mouth and then heaving. Fuck off.

It's only pickle chicken. Oh. What's the fucking pudding? This is cow guts. Warm cow guts. Oh, that's nice, isn't it? Yeah. What's this?

It's just fruit. This is a warm, cheap dessert. It's what I call your mum, with a custard like consistency, high in vitamin C. Just like your mum. Oh that's bad jelly that. They don't even do jelly well. They don't even do jelly well.

At least shoot your vodka. Get it. Have your pickled chicken. Get it. The fuck away from me. No. Do you know when a message is going, you know, I'm a fussy and you've done so well.

Everyone's on my side. That is an abomination. Can you show the camera so the camera can see? It just looks like pickled chicken. Gets a fork. You have your pickled chicken. Thank you, guys. He's tapped out. What's your ratings? Oh, yeah, ratings. Minus 27. It absolute. There's no ratings? Oh yeah, ratings. Ratings. Minus 27.

Absolute. There's no score. And this isn't food. That jelly's a four. Fuck off. Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch. Hello everyone. Time to tell you about my absolute favourite sponsor, it's HelloFresh.

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You don't fuck your wife on her period. We're not married. So that's only Gabby Brian's here. Hi. I want to do the applause. Genuine question. Genuine question. Vows, children, you've seen kids get, you don't fuck on your period?

I don't fuck on my period. I've been ovulating since 1996. I'm DTF, mate. Oh, it's a public episode, isn't it? No. Now, listen, I've been a trooper in the past. You know, am I on the ground? Yeah, I've been to war trench warfare, you know, it's more of a cold war now. You know, there's not as many boots on the ground. Sure. So now how have you been? So great. Of course, please. Please take it away. Why don't you? How old

were you when you were first made aware of periods? When did someone sit you down? This is from the first half of the episode we were discussing. Do you want the context? The first age I found out that periods exist. Yeah. And what they are. What do you mean what they are? Talk to me about what they are. Adam is aware that my daughter lives with her mom. You know what I mean? Like we've really buried the lead on this one. Um, it so it's a thing, isn't it? It's an awareness thing. Yeah, you just know. You just know.

It's like a psychic sort of, you know, all women are witches. And you sort of can tell, you know, there's like something going on. Yeah, that bad jujube. There's a mystery. There's a mystery that I will soon be let in on. Careful. I would say Dan's daughter told her friends, I can't play out today because my mom's on her period. I shouldn't just tell them.

She's eight years old. She did that over two fences. Full volume. Screaming. The whole day. On a nice day. So most of the neighborhood were out. Yeah.

Great. Perfect. Funny moment. And Adam can't believe that at eight years old he even knows about it, but it's not like a... It feels wrong to know about bleeding to me. Once a month, your mom is a real bitch and you have to sort of figure out why.

So it's just the, you know, it's not something I'm getting involved in. This isn't a policy area I have any expertise in. So I let that department deal with itself. Is that fair enough? I knew about periods till I was like 28. Yeah, but you weren't a young woman. How did you find out about a period? I was being a real bitch. Like there's something wrong with you today. Yeah. This woman I was seeing. I mean, say woman with a little more venom. Jesus. How old were you? 28. Yeah. 28. Five years ago. How did you figure out that like birth? What about birth? Huh? You need to

know about a period to know about birth. No, you don't. It's the opposite. Oh, no, no, no. We. So Jack has asked me where babies come from and I go from mommies and daddies in the special kiss. And then he saw special kiss. That's so gay. You just got it. The younger they are, the more vague it has to be. How much worse would it be like, finally you want to learn the reproductive systems. You keep it nice. It's just babies come from mommy's belly. That's it. Isn't it? That's the end of it. Yeah. But you're 28. Like, no, I'm not. No, I'm talking about his four year old. I'm not

saying, yeah, if you have to sit a 28 year old man down and explain where babies come from, then yeah, go full shebang. You asked Adam at 28 where babies came from. He was like, well, it's a special kiss. What have you asked him like two years where the babies come from? You're going to stick with the special kiss. I don't know. It was blindsided.

One of the minutes we were watching Octonauts and next minute he's asking questions. What happened to Octonauts and next minute he's asking questions. What happened to Octonauts? This is a really sexy episode. They were under the sea. That didn't make sense. How you been anyway, mate? You're all right. I'm so amazing.

I couldn't be better. Is this three? Is this the hat trick? Yeah. This is the big three, boys. I think this is a fast hat trick. I mean, two years, I think think nearly two years. Class icons are made overnight. I'll tell you that. Um, I had a question for you and it's, I don't even

know that you love Liverpool. Don't you? You love it. I love Liverpool. Well, I like, I mean, can you show the shirt off more? Cause I don't think you give us a 12. Go on. Give us a 12. Here's a 12 girl. Is that in the club shop? Where did you get this from? Where's that from? Have you done that yourself from a brand, a girl brand where they take, they take different jerseys and then they make them sexy. Gabby, I don't want to be unkind about the tailor in here, but it's made your right boob look bigger than your left. There is something happening. Well, first of all, the boobs are

fresh. So let them bake. Secondly, I got boobs, but the boob area I will say is questionable. I put them on and I said, all right, we'll do what we can. So like just for context last time I seen you, it was in New York. I surprised you accidentally. Actually now we're fighting. Usually I fight with Carl, but actually we're fighting. We fought. You did UK with a misinformation and I connected. Yeah, we had a full fight and emotional fight and then we made up and everything's fine. So don't try to fight me again. Are we still fighting? We're not fighting anymore, but we were fighting. Okay. Because I'm in New York city, city of my home, my home city.

That's what I meant by that. I took a red eye here this morning and I feel crazy right now, by the way. You look like mate. You've seen so great on jet lag and like, I can't even see you guys. All right. Okay. She just three sentences to say my home city. I don't think birth town birth town where I am home habitat building living me there. So Gabby lives in New York in New York City. You can tell us. I'm at my home club where I do stand up style comedy. Okay. All right. You really are. Right. Standing and talking and laughing. I do jokes, standing up, holding Mike at the audience, um, at this place called the stand. I'm there every night. This is where I am every single night.

I turn the corner and fucking Adam Rowe is walking up the stairs. You did this on purpose. Is it today? No, I didn't know she was going to be there. Oh, right. No little text. I'm coming over to your habitat town. No, hey, I'm coming into your town where you live. None of it. I just see him in

a dark. I literally want like this because it was so dark. I was like, what the fuck am I imagine? Am I having a daydream about Adam? What's going on? And then women do. Yeah. Okay. And then on and then whatever gets you hot while you walk five miles home. Um, and then yeah, uh, we got into a fight. I was mad and you told me to come back the next night to surprise Mike Rice, which I did. And Mike Rice was also there randomly who he told me weeks in advance by the way. He didn't tell me, because he's not expecting you to be there. Just to tell you, I'm going to be in New York. So I'll have fun in Liverpool. But when we were sat around having a boozy, you told me you were a few days out from getting some titties. I got some titties. Can't believe everyone is in applauding. That's the sound of a tit slapping.

But yet the- Thank you. The tailoring on that top does make it look like you've gone in and suggested like one F cup and one C cup. Yeah, I went A, you know, A G. I got boobs. And I actually have a bone to pick with them. Okay. So does Harry.

What? What'd you say? It was a joke that you wouldn't understand. Oh, it's always fun when you have to say that. Why wouldn't I understand it? Carl. I'll tell you later. Harry's a very horny man.

He loves tits. Harry, how you doing playboy? Good to see you my boy. What's your bones pick with boobs? I okay. So I go to North Jersey to get my boobs done. You go to North Jersey. North Jersey. Is that like the place to go? Well, you have to understand that Jersey is home of like the Guido of the plastic surgery, you know, Jersey Shore, Jersey Shore. Hang on. Surely there's better tits in Manhattan. Are you getting a cheaper version? No, I'm getting cheaper tits. It's the equivalent of Turkey tits. It's Turkey tits. It's Thailand vag. You know what I mean? I'm sorry. Thailand vag. Is that a thing? Yeah. You go to Thailand to get your vagina.

A new one or a better one. I think it's whatever you're up to in the moment. No judgment. You go to Turkey because you're losing your hair. No woman's losing their pussy. No, but some are gaining them. That's a good point. No one's very few people are going for more pussy.

No one wants to like a little top off on their pussy. Okay. So somebody to freshy. So I go to North Jersey. This is where you get like jugs, right? Like in Manhattan, you get boobs in North Jersey. You get like a rack. Yeah. You know, like, you know, when you have to go to champagne France to drink champagne or else it's not considered champagne. Right. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah.

So in North Jersey, you go for the jugs of it all. You go for a sloppy rack. Like a big one. Yeah, like a go, go, go, go, go, you know. Yeah. A rack. You guys. Why'd you go?

You know, if you keep calling me around Iraq, your governments are going to invade you. I did two tours at her rack. Um, these are Iraqi tits. So my Persian tits, wait, that's Iran. Nevermind. I, so I go there to get a rack, but when you go get your boobs done, you don't, you can't say like, I want a double D. They don't do that lingo. They, they measure it in CCs. Like liquid. Yes. I don't know that science. I said, I don't know. Yeah. Give me two liters of Sprite. I don't know. Give me something good. Google's your friend there. Surely. Yeah. But then you can't tell cause everybody is different. Yeah, but then you can't tell because everybody is different. So ultimately I go in and get my jugs. Not big enough.

Not big enough. You're not happy. Can you just get bigger jugs now? Yeah, but that's another nine grand. Oh, I don't have that kind of cash. That was my only nine grand and I spent it on jugs. Well, there have been more money to get bigger tits. No, it's not more money, it's the same amount. No matter how big you go, economies of scale. Inflation doesn't apply.

Isn't that actually heartbreaking? I mean if you're not happy with them that... I should get the second pair free. It should be a BOGO. It should be like when you get a mattress, you should get like 30 days to send it back. Yeah. Like I can't sleep properly. I can't sleep properly. My tits aren't big enough. The issue is that this guy was like an artist and he gave me nice, beautiful tits for my body and I wanted ridiculous jugs that look insane. And he didn't understand

he didn't get that. Most of our fans have turned off by now, by the way, not into this. They don't like the jug chat. They really enjoyed the menstrual cycle stuff. They were so, they found that empowering. Wow. So I suppose it's a bit of a slippery slope, isn't it? But because it's the cold because you know, you could just keep going back and going, it's not big enough. They're like up to here. I'm like, not big enough. That's what happens in it. Surely. What? Yeah. Just one. Oh, actually this, I could go big. And well also you realize how easy it is to get these things. Like I Ubered to the hospital. I'm not even a night over. I stayed in a hotel room down the street with a nurse who was Irish.

Was this a hospital? You sure this was hospital? Oh, we don't do fucking stayovers. I was in some pub. Fucking Kelly's going to stay with you. I'm Kelly. Yeah, I uber to the hospital. I was there some pub. I was in some pub. Fucking Kelly's going to stay with you. I'm Kelly. Yeah. I Uber to the hospital. I was there 20 minutes.

It was the inauguration day, by the way. I accidentally got my boobs on inauguration day. Oh, Trump tits. Augmentation day. Nice. Which was the most Republican thing I could have done. What gets it on Trump day? While Trump was taking office.

Yeah. Do you think? Yeah. I think he sensed it. How long had you wanted to do? Um, listen, I have abundance mindset. I don't know if you're familiar with this abundance mindset, more, more, more. You deserve the world. So I've always liked my tits, but I said, what if I had jugs? You know what I'm saying? I'm like, I'm a penis, I suppose. Yeah. I'm like fucking enough. What about 10? You'd love an Iraqi penis. Just keep going Iraqi penis. Cut to Adam in North Jersey. Oh, I want a 250 CC Kawasaki dick. Walking with a limping. Has it changed things? How's it changed your life? It's changed my whole life. I'll tell you what. It actually hasn't changed at all because they're not big enough. So no one really fucking knows.

And I only let one guy touch one and it hurt. You only let one guy touch one. Yeah, because they look insane when you first get them. Right. It's got to be like a cooling off period. Yeah. You sort of have to let them settle. Like a Guinness. Yeah. Let the foam go down. How long do you have to let them settle. Guinness. Yeah. How long? Let the foam go down.

How long do you have to let your tits settle for? I don't like when you say it like that. How long must you leave your boobs? Do you say whilst? How long must you leave them? They're about, they're almost ready to go. Like when can you have a go? Um, Carl, you sick fuck. I'm asking the questions. Everyone's thinking. I don't know. I don't know. Did they not tell you?

I have to sleep on my back still. I'm assuming once I get to sleep on my side, that's go time. Why can't you sleep on your side? Cause it feels insane. They might set in the wrong place. They might start looking like this without my shirt on. They're both over here. Do you West? Um, uh, every girl, girl I've known that's got a new boobs. Why is everyone slowly slipping into a whisper? What's going on? Just cause I did a little joke and really tried not to laugh at myself and I think I did quite well. Um, what, um, every, every girl I've known who's got new boobs has been, been very like, Hey, after the cooling off period and everything's settled, they've been like, Hey, look at my boobs.

Do you want to feel every other woman I've ever met since I've got the mouse on pod. Obviously we're a very professional podcast. You've been honking tits for years now. It's been a while, but my mate's girlfriend got some done and she was, I think she was dead proud of them. And when he was like, Hey, do you want to, do you want to feel them sort of thing? I just, there's a real pride of like, I paid for these. You know what I mean? Well, tits are cool. I think we could all agree. Oh, yeah.

Tits are cool. Listen, I love having tits. They're not bad. They're awesome. But I just wish they were 17 more sizes. And also you don't have the old, you know, when it all goes medical and gravity starts like, you know, in 40 years, they're still going to be exactly where you want them to be. I'll go up one size every year. That's what I decided until I topple over. Okay. Are you not worried about, you know, like on all these like shows you say on like the telly that's where they are where like women have to go like back because they're like, Hey, me tits exploded. Cause didn't that happen to Laura? Yeah. And that's not something she finds that funny because it was excruciated and it cost her about eight grand. Who's tits exploded? Was she on her

period? Wow. Her periods aren't that bad. Just don't mind me. I'm in a bad mood. It's that time of the month. My tits keep popping. Adam, so when you have your period, your boobs explode. Okay. That's a part of it. Wow. You should have known that before five years ago. No, yeah. She, she got the done bad job and one of them ruptured and she's sued the company in France along with what's it called? Where there's loads of people. It's a class action. And I think we're going to get some exploding tip money. So what, what does the rupturing like look like? Cause in my ad it's like, like alien. Do you know like fucking, oh, I don't think it broke the, oh, you thought the whole thing

just went, yeah. Like moves into like Mount Vesuvius. Yeah. No, It just deflates. Where does that stuff go? Like when your neighbor pops your footy? Yeah. It was the neighbor that did it. It was, it was Laura's fault for kicking a tit into the neighbor's garden. Old Mr. Jenkins. One too many tits came over his fence. And he said enough! Please sir, can I have my wife's tit back? Brother of you, kid! Can't move for tits in this garden. So yeah, we're waiting. They've been found guilty and everyone's meant to be getting a payout. New tits don't explode anymore.

Right. They've stopped putting bombs in them. They stopped using TNT back in the late nineties. That's the only reason I have never had any work done because I just don't want to explode into it. You know what? You're a sensible guy. Yeah. Like cause you can get your legs done now. Can't you? No, they break your bones and they, yeah. And then they weld them back together and you end up like six, three, they weld to them. Yeah. Cause he's always dreamed of playing in the NBA and that's the only thing that's held him back. No, but yeah, you can get your

legs done. Can't you? Would you not do that? Yeah. What? My wife's had an explosion boobs and you're asking me if I'd have my legs broken and extended. I do that. I think if I was going to go for something, my legs are so pathetic. What's going on with your legs? 27 inch inside leg I just bought jeans. What's the scope though?

How big can you get? How tall are you? You can choose. Like can you go to like six, six? Yeah you can. How big can you get the rest of your body stays in the same proportion? Your legs are like that. Your body's like that. You look like a squid. I'd enjoy it. How big would you want to be? Both

of you? Everyone answers. Six to I think is the optimum. I saw a thing. I saw a reel that said why would you want to be more than 5'11"? Because then you get all the disadvantage of being like squashed on a plane. There's no woman, I mean there is, but apart from the, you know, WNBA, there aren't many women six foot, 5'11 and over. There is one sitting heels though,

and women want to be taller than you when they've got the heels on. Right, but 5'11. I'm 5'10. Are you really? You have to be six four to be as tall as they were deals on. What's your optimum? What are you looking at? Seven foot. Oh really? Yeah. Cool. Would you like a seven foot man? No, I once dated my last boyfriend was six, seven. That was cool. Peter Crouch. What could he do though that we can't do? So much. Go on.

So much more. He could lift me up. I could pick it up. Okay. Everyone pick me up. I think pick off and lift. He was just gigantic. He was a humon.

Yeah. Oh yeah. All that walking really paying off. I love it. What can you do that we couldn't do? He could pick me up. That's it. You just want, you just want to date a medical giant. Women want though. Women want a man who could feasibly

throw them off a bridge. Violence. We want violence. The threat of violence, but they're, they're violent to everyone else except you. We don't want the threat of violence. They do. No, not the variable, but just like the under like, you never actually threaten them. The unspoken threats of violence. Oh yeah. I think Laura knows that. I could go off at any time. See you all look at me when I say this shit. Like I'm a fucking psychopath or the misogynist. She's a comedian. That's not. She's also a woman, Dan. I think she's a comedian first though. I'm also a woman. They exist. Hello? Hello?

They make them in both now. Do you like the unmentioned threat of violence? Every girl likes it. You have to understand every girl right now is reading fantasy novels. Have you heard of this? My partner's reading them. What the fuck?

Which ones? All she wants. She wants. Akatar. All the fairies are fucking in my house. Yeah. She has an audio wants, Akatar. All the fairies are fucking in my house. Yeah. She has an audio book, I'm Reedsie.

All the leads of Akatar are six foot five warriors who are violent to everyone except their lovers who they're gentle with. You're supposed to go smaller than a book, they get it. I'm six, seven. At all times, when you hear the door go and Serika's coming in and you're in the house, you should go and get on a pair of stilts

and just shadow box in the kitchen. And then she comes in, you just be like, all right, and just carry on for a minute. And then you're like, do you want a cup of tea? Cause then you're being kind. But also she's like, he's tall and he can punch me. I don't have to get off me still to make the tea. It'd be quite unsent. Tell us to leave the room to get down. So it's just the, it's just the unspoken threat of violence. You don't just get your Mrs. In a headlock occasionally. That's what unspoken. That's what I'm saying. That's just to let you know, I could do this every fucking day, but I do it once a week. Once a week. That's still a lot. Right. How do they know? Maybe

they forget. You can rough her up a little bit. You're up against grab her right here and go shut the fuck up. Do something like that. When they come in the door, just figure out what, what, what? Yeah. So good. Cause these guys are experts on love, but also to have you in your, the, you know, I was trying to spokesperson for women. I was trying to teach that on the page an episode this week, how he could get laid more often. And I said, there's one of two ways to do it. Way one is to seem unattainable. So next time she offers sex, say no, which works, doesn't it? Cause then you want us more. Cause you like, it's like, Oh, he doesn't want me. I said, do you want to have sex with

me? And my husband said, no, I would go I would go 911 call the police. There's an intruder in my house. Yeah, totally. But is that as well though? What if he was watching Eastenders? I don't know what that is. It's a soap opera. It's a TV show. Oh, then he's gay Dallas. Or he's watching the rugby world cup. Semiinal way. Let's go. Good show. And then I said, the other way to do it is when they're just in the car together, just out of the blue, just turn the radio off and say, by the way, when we get in later, I'm going to bomb your head off. Kids are in the back. Kids are on the way to my mother-in-law. Kids cover your ears. I'm going to bomb. Wait, does bum mean anal or sex?

Not necessarily. It could be anything. It's anything? Yeah. But it's called bum? I think I'm gonna bum it. Women love the threat over here. British women love the threat of getting the head bummed in.

I'm sure they do. They're not in, off. Would that not do it for you? I'm glad you were saying so. I'm gonna bum your head off. I'm gonna bum your head off. It's one of the least, I want it in, not in your accent. I want to bomb your head off. That feels like an act of war. That feels like domestic terrorism. I'm going to bomb your head off.

I thought you wanted a threat. You said you want a threat. I'm not allowed to headlock you. I can't threaten you with a bombing. Can I ask you this? I'm always fascinated by this. I think men and women are so different in many ways, right? So true. Adam, take it away. Do you know if you're like out with a gal pal, right? If you're another girl or out, I'd say you're in a department store or something. Bloomingdale. You're out with a gal pal. You've just been a Macy's.

You're on the sidewalk. You had some Duncanin' Zonuts. You better Dunkin'. If a really attractive man walked past, let's say he's exactly what you want, he's 6'7", clearly works out, you can see his cock going down the inside of his jeans because he's got tight jeans on. How, have you got like lingo with your girlfriends that would alert them to that attractive man being there where he wouldn't know what you're saying. Is there something you could say to like Steph who you're talking with at the minute? Is there something you could say to Steph that would alert her to

the idea that there's an attractive man in the vicinity? Well, all without him being like, Oh, they're talking about me. Yeah. Also where's Steph's looking? There's a six foot seven model coming towards him. Steph's like, I love donuts. Oh, it's nice out. I'm like, Jesus fucking Christ. Are you seeing what I'm seeing? Yeah. But girls are as disgusting as men. We just are like not saying it as loud. We've got heavy camel. What? Like in the people that every camel over there. Was that heavy camel? That means like really attractive woman. Yeah. In what way could that mean that I'll say, okay, so it's Scouse lingo again. We do this every time you hear. Yeah, but I need to, I know, I know. I only know Mog the other ones. So camel is Scouse rhyme and slang. Yeah. For camel

laid, which is a college woman in Liverpool is bad. Like the Bolton place where they make boats on the docks. That'll do. Yeah. Or a college. That's completely different. Yeah. So camelade means bed. So that gets shortened to camel. Yep. Right. So that means woman. Yeah. Heavy means fucking good. Yeah. Really well explained. It's not just women. Like food can be heavy or anything. Heavy scram. Yeah. So I heard heavy. I forgot about a scran. But if we were sat in like, I don't know, cats deli in New York and a girl walks in, I could literally, she could be studying and I could say to Carl seen that every camel there. She's got no idea what I'm talking about, but he knows. Even in your accent, if you said that girl's fucking hot, she would still have no idea

what you said. You guys sound insane. This works. This works all over the world. You can do this from Papua New Guinea to Moscow. Wait, say it one more time. That sounds like a Nord VPN advert. What would you say? What would you like to be like a bit like incognito?

Like, Oh yeah. If you're trying to be subtle with this hot guy, what would you say? For example, if you walk past me in the pub and I said to Carl, Hey bastards there, what would you think we're talking about? There. What rhymes with that? No, no rhyme. It's no rhyme. I think of the multiple bastards there. That's the, let's say I'll put a bastard in have sex. Nope. Put a kid in kind of we're unmarried and then we have a bastard. It makes more sense. But tits. Yeah. There you go. Put a head of bastards on it. Did you see mine? I'd love to put a bastard in there. I won't marry her. I would never marry her. It sounded awful.

I made way more sense. 16th century. Mine made sense. Yeah, totally. You tried to work out from that word. Head of bastards. Oh, I'd put a bastard in you mate. Bastard there, bastard there.

All these wands. Is it women of all? Oh, you're a bad man. Bastard there, bastard there. All these wants and women about re bad man. Bastard there, bastard there. Have you not got this? I don't think we're subtle in America. There's no subtle sneaky thing. I would just go over here. Not like over here.

Not like over here. You and your little riddles and your rhymes. There's so many things I could say to Carl. That mean like that girl's got a nice pair of breasts. Give me a couple. Chebs. Chebs. Cheb is a tag. Tags. Tags. What's Oh my God. I will go jugs. We can't go to the pub and go fucking jugs over there. The whole purpose doesn't have any jugs over there. I think the whole point of it is to be covert. Oh, I can't just go cow fucking boobs.

They're teaching cats deli over here. No, say it in my understanding. Alan Fanny going past the. Just name a normal thing. And you with your friend, you just things are blooming. They'll just say we're walking down the street. And you're with your friends, you just into blooming gales. Just say we're walking down the street.

No say you at the Statue of Liberty. You're in classic American things. You're walking down Fifth Avenue. The only street you know in New York. Yeah. You're in, even though they're all numbered. You're all, you can say any number. You're walking down Fifth Avenue or one of the other ones, I forget their names.

No you see a fit guy and you're at Niagara Falls and you're like, whoa, look at his dick. His dick? No. Girls don't go right to the dick. No. Actually what we look at immediately, forearms. So like, let's say, yeah, look, you walk past me on fifth avenue. What do you like pretend calls like one of your gal pals? You've just come from blooming. Dale's. This is you. This is yours. I'm holding a bug. So how are you alerting him to my holding my back and what? So how heavy is it? I've got low. I've just been to blue the Birkin. You're so rich. I've gone. I'm right. She's here by the way. I would say what heavy camels over there or something. What was it? I go, I think this guy's the range. Just be careful.

Gabby. I think that's crack. He's got nice forearms though. He's got four arms. You turn them in. Fort. Where do your forearms? Yeah. That's a four over the bicep. Yes. Yes. A thick forearm with a vein means a lot with a vein with though? A thick forearm. With a vein. Means a lot. With a vein. With a vein in the forearm. A veiny forearm. Absolutely.

Oh yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, none of you think. Don't say yeah. I actually think that's because it's quite phallic. I agree. I agree.

You do? Oh yeah. Veiny forearm on a woman. You like that? Oh yeah. Frightening. He likes women who are in a bit of a unit though. But you're like a blue vein tits as well. It depends what season it is. They're called jokes. In the autumn. What a beautiful day out. What is it? Camel heavy camel? Yeah. Heavy camel. Just attractive

woman. Heavy camel. No, it wasn't that. It was heavy camel. Camel laid bed. Heavy camel. No, it wasn't that it was heavy camel camel laid bed, heavy, good, heavy bed, lovely woman. But that's really scouts. Yeah. I got a breath from pretending to walk down the street. I thought you'd been doing all this. I think blue vein tick gave him a little bit of a breathing problem. I'm on fifth Avenue. Yeah. On the sad Island ferry. It's happening girl. These four arms. How about that? Anyone? Anyone? Any takers? I think me and you might be the goats of this though. Which the goats of like the subtle. Yeah. You're the best.

The best. I wouldn't say I'm subtle. I would go, hey, hey, hey, until he turned around. No, you're not trying to tell him. You can't do that to women in the street though. But now we can do whatever we want. Hey, hey. Okay, so you're in a lift and you're with your friend

and there's a guy and you're like, fuck he's, but you get on the same floor, but you want to say you wouldn't go like. No, cause girls. You go, hey, hey, hey, hey, what floor are you on? That's what I would say. But they're not trying to talk to the girl.

They're not trying to talk to the girl. We're trying to talk to him. Girls, we could not tell your friend that he's hot without him here. She knows we don't have to. We go like this. We go, no, but what if your friends distracted because she's going through a divorce or playing game, but you think a divorcee isn't looking at the hot guy in the elevator immediately going through a divorce because no, if he

was just died in a car crash. Oh yeah. So she's in morning, she's in morning. She's crying in morning. You're in the hospital lift. Her husband just died. You know, I would still listen. I know you're really sad, but husband number two, look at the four arms on him. He looks healthy. That's what I'd say. Cause her husband just died. Yeah. Maybe we pick a car. Hey, don't want any of those unhealthy bastards anymore. Dead is unhealthy though. Being dead is unhealthy. But you could be like the healthiest man in the world and get it by a bus. Still. Bam, bam. Bush. Bush. Can't argue with that. Have a break. Gush. Gagush.

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If you're at a point in life when you're ready to lead with purpose, we can get you there. The University of Victoria's MBA in sustainableable Innovation is not like other MBA programs. It's for true changemakers who want to think differently and solve the world's most pressing challenges. From health care and the environment to energy, government and technology, it's your path to meaningful leadership in all sectors. For details visit uvic.ca slash future MBA. That's u-v-i-c dot c-a slash future MBA. Gabby, you have a tour on sale. And you do a podcast. Smooth way of introing that.

So perfect. You do a podcast and you tour. I do a podcast as well as I tour. I do a podcast called, let me ask my dad with my dad. Your dad, the famous. The legend himself, David Bryan, looks like a poodle. The famous.

And you say his name. Bryan Trunsker. Me and Dave go way back, all the way to Nashville. It's true. You've actually spent time with my entire family. Consider that still didn't text me when he was in New York. Think about that. Text me when we were in Nashville. Yeah. And you didn't text me when you were in Nashville. I didn't know you were in Nashville. You should know I'm in Nashville. I'm always in Nashville. I'm always in Nashville. You were in New York two times. Ridiculous. You're a touring comedian. Why would you be in New York? You'd be on the road or something. It was a Tuesday. Whatever. I don't want to fight Carl. You don't want

to fight me. Cool. Let's not fight then. I don't know why. Okay. I'm also on the road. I'm touring everywhere. Um, uh, all over America. You'll probably miss me in the UK. I'm going to go to Ireland this summer. Don't have the dates yet. When can we find those dates? When they go up? You could find them on my Instagram or even my tick tock. Gabby is Brian or on my punch up live. Do you guys have that here? No punch up live. What is a fun little, um, comic website. There's a couple of dates next week that we can plug. Oh, when does this drop? Saturday. Oh, I'm in Bristol on Sunday. That's all doubt. I'm in Cardiff on Tuesday. That one's selling bad. So come to that on a Tuesday in Cardiff. Yeah. And then everyone else, every everything else

is sold out. But class, that's a successful time. I'm on the shows next week. You're on the shows in London on your shows. You are. Yeah. There you go. Maybe you want to see us and Gabby have a word pod dot com. And Sean Mott and Ian Stone and Elliott Steele and Bermie Oladipo. It's a fucking murderous lie.

And the Saturday is sold out, but there's about a hundred tickets left for the Friday. So. Gabby, your dad's in Bon Jovi, isn't he? He is. Are you musical at all? I grew up playing a little music, but here's the issue. My dad didn't want to teach us piano himself. So he hired a piano teacher to come teach us.

He was a local pothead, never made us practice. Now I'm bad at piano. You dad or the teacher was a pothead, but well really both. But the local piano teacher, I'd say, I don't want to practice. I don't fucking know you. And then he'd go, okay, don't practice. And then I now I'm bad at piano and you'd see that my dad would, you know, a professional piano player would be like, you have to practice this amount every single day. No, no rules, no laws in my house. No rules to rock and roll or piano lessons. It's true. It was a free for all. Now I have no skills. I asked that because we've got a feature called executive

orders and we don't have a jingle for it. So I was wondering if you could just freestyle as a little jingle and if it works, we'll clip it out and use it forever or till we get bored of the feature in two months. Okay. What's what vibe are we going for? I mean, R and B Bon Jovi. Oh yeah. Bon Jovi is completely different. Yeah. It's bad. R and B Bon Jovi. Black Bon Jovi, black Bon Jovi, bro Jovi. Um, it's black Bon Jovi fans. Rojovies. Shut up. Have they got a name? Yeah. We call them Rojovies. They call them Rojovies. Everyone calls them Rojovies. I don't. Oh, shout out the shout out. Do you want it like jingly? Hold on. I can't believe you're making me do this. I'll just go. Um, do, do, do, do, do, do. We're doing an executive order for you laws, big laws to change the world.

Oh, I hold on. Hold on. That was a mate by the way. Clip it. Fucking clip it. And accidentally you said my wife's nickname in the middle. What's her name? You said big laws. And I thought you thought it was an executive order about my wife who I call big laws. That was unbelievable. Right. Big laws. And he also calls a chicken legs. Well, it's checking. I call it the big piece of chicken because daddy wants the big piece of chicken. I couldn't really back that up. Not on our period. No. Man's a maggot, yo.

We've got two executive orders. If you think of any where you'd like to change the world, if you've got any, you just let us know. I have a couple. I have a quite disgusting sexual question for the whole group. Go ahead, please. You know, if you're on your period. Oh my God.

That's not for all of us. It's just for of us. Just for Gabby that will this is from minute one of this episode. And I think it's going to be the last thing we say. I didn't, I didn't even consider that it could keep going. Yeah. We never stopped. Go ahead. Cause you're, you were sort of having a go with Dan for not, you know, fucking his wife and she's on it. You know that. How do you feel about a man, uh, going to Lickersville, Tennessee? It's right next to Nashville. Um, I mean, come on. I think what is, I, that little sick. Fuck. Oh, so you're not into

that. That's a little too much. What do you need? Iron supplement. That's what I'd say. What am I? And I, what are you feeling? A little low blood sugar or something. You sick. Fuck. That's what I'd say. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. You say no. No, you wouldn't let them do it. And afterwards go, that's not for me. Rather. You wouldn't shame them would you surely? I'd shame them. You're allowed to shame and go now I'd go shame. Big bell shame. So what about me as a man? If a girl wanted me to do that to her and was very demanding about it because it was a girl I was with in the past, distant past. True story. This is true. She was like fucking and I was like nah. I was like nah. She was like fucking. I was like no. They didn't speak a lot in the relationship.

She was like wah and he was like nah. it was very monosyllabic. That's what you guys sound to me by the way. No. She was a caveman. I remember it. I met her as well. She was not fun to hang out with. Hey, nice to see you again. Is this some Minecraft? not fun to hang out with. Hey nice to see you again. Hey! In bed. Is this some mancraft?

So we've got some executive orders. Anyway, no, listen, ask us questions. I'm not fucking done just because you don't like periods. Women, I'm comfortable with it. Why are you being so squeamish? What's your issue? Because we're in the 72nd minute of it. Wait, let me answer. Because I said no.

I was like, I'm not into that. And she said, Oh, but she'd been in a car crash. I was like, Oh my God. I was like, I'll fuck you. I'm gonna be wrong.

Pussy bum face. I'm fine. Like with the Pussy bum face. I'm fine. Pussy bum face. I'm fine. But if you say, Pussy bum face, I'm fine. Like with me. Pussy bum face, I'm fine. Pussy bum face, I'm fine. But if you say,

Pussy bum face, I'm fine. Pussy bum face, I'm fine. Pussy bum face, I'm fine. That's the jingle for executive orders. Pussy bum face, I'm fine. Pussy bum face, I'm fine. Hey, executive orders, big laws for you. Nice. Is that a saying you do? Pussy bum face, I'm fine. Hey executive orders. Big laws for you. Nice. Is that a saying you do? It's very Rastafarian. It's the Bro Jovi singing that.

So you said, girl, girl, you're in a blood clot. Pussy bum face, I'm fine. And she went, whoa, hey. Yeah. She had no blood clot. Is this what I'm thinking is? Pussy bum face. Yeah. Oh yeah.

Exactly who you're thinking of. Oh yeah. You remember that is? She was just like that. Cause that girl, yeah. What did you say? I said, no. I said, I'm not like, we didn't put a towel down.

I didn't even, you don't want to put a towel down. Change beds, whatever. But I was like, I'm not eating we didn't put a towel down and even if you don't want to put a towel down change beds, whatever. But I was like, I'm not eating it. Right. He's like, I'll do your sheets but I'm not going to put my mouth on it. When I'm on my period, that's when I want that the most gone. Keep going. I just needed to do it. I was like, well, it doesn't matter. She was like, it's disgusting that like this is just a normal like human thing. The 50% of the population do we bleed. You should just be fine with it. I mean, girl, that's a stretch. Yeah.

And when he said no, and then she also said, and eat my shit. With a fucking fork and knife, bitch. Look, I'm just, I'm a heavy camel. Pussy bum fearsome fight. It was a bumpy ride, but what we got from the journey was pussy. I guess that's my first executive order is eating box on your period. Do you say box? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you say box? Yeah. How box? I meant use it in a sentence. Like get your box out. My period. What? No, we just say, well, I'm going to itchy box. What do you say? Itchy box. Why is it going to be itchy? I was just trying to use it in a sentence. Yeah. Okay.

Um, and you did amazing by the way. Thank you. You're welcome. Yeah. That munching box. That's like what we describe lesbians eating pussy, we would say munching box. Box munches. Yeah. We say rug munches. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we all say that. Pussy scammers. Muff divers.

Muff divers, that's good. Lesbians. Oh yeah, there's that one as well. Lesbians. Yeah, I've got a female friend in a muff diving relationship. That's what, they reclaimed the words. Oh, that's beautiful.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So lads in America will say like, get your box out. Okay. No. Wow. That just reminded me. Remember the first episode? What did I say? Rat. Get your little rat out. That's what Hugh granted. Say it. What? That's what he said in that Christmas movie. What's it called? Love actually fucking wrapped out. It's the prime minister. He says executive order. Get your fucking rats out. What is your executive order? Gabby? Something with boxes. I think it's fine. You didn't eat her pussy on her period. I just want to finish that off and say that. Thank you. Her box. Sorry. Her heavy camel box for DHL shipped box. Heavy camel box, heavy camel, bloody box. That's not for you. Have you got one? The first I,

and I did write these four days ago in the middle of the night after a show. So I don't, I'm just going to read you what I wrote. Sometimes they're the best bits. Yeah. Others, but it's not necessarily full sentences. It's sort of just like Laura hit on people at work again. This comes with a psych test and people are grouped off by looks and personality who gets

to hit on each other. It's a caste system. Is this just a work or is this in life? You sort of, you get your status. Day one of work, they go right down, you're a seven, you can hit on anything from a six to an eight. Yeah, you get one down and one up. Leave the fives, don't be trying to dip low

to try and get a nailed on one. I'm dip low all the way, mate. You can't go too low because then you take, we all did it. We all did it. Because that's not fair on the other fives who aren't going to be able to... Stop wasting the tens of times. Yeah, yeah. You stay in your fucking lane. You can reach a little, you can dip a little.

Don't be going down here and getting some fucking trolled ground balls. Leave the uggos for the uggos. Uggos for Uggos. And then don't even look at the hot ones. No, no. Cast system. Untouchables. So nine is the best, isn't it? You get to the cleaner. Who's the judge? The boss. Bruce Springsteen. Yeah, it's like a sexy HR meeting. You know, like this was in life though. I think we should start being able to hit on people at work again. I think it should be, we should wipe that law clear. It just had, there has to be guidelines because we, the most people you're around in this life is at work. I don't want to go to a bar and meet people. No, I'm at a place all day.

That's my group of, that's my pool. I think we've got a pretty manly pool. Yeah. Yeah. This is how we kind of fuck everyone too. You're going to have to bum everyone's, what was it? Bum everyone's cam. Clean off.

Yeah. You have to bum Carl's head clean off. No, you don't. Why not? I don't want him to. I think you should. Not even a little bit. Obviously the way predominantly people see like meet up now is like apps and stuff. Yeah. How would you react if a guy like approach you in a bar? Is that like still a thing? I would love that apps are over. Yeah. Apps are over. Are they still in a bar? You're reading your book. You've got a dry martini with a twist over

there. I'm pretending to have a nice time. Right. Guy comes over. Dan comes over to you. What could he possibly say to get your interest straight away? What's Satan? We're in a different cast. Oh, roasted. Boom. Roasted. Absolutely. And you can't go down. Sorry. I'm the untouchable. You're above me. I can't go down. She was being very self-deprecating. Oh, right. Do you mean on dateables by the way? Kids? What did you mean on dateables? No, I meant, yeah. I mean, I can see where you got there. All right. But from going back to what Gabby saying, the untouchables from the caste system guys, don't fight. Let's not do the etymology of podcast banter. Someone has put in here as

an executive order. When he says if you've been on Tinder for six months, I mean, and you've not had any pussy yet, this is from Winnie. Is it? Um, you get rounded up with all the other virgins and put into a big fuck house. That's her executive order. If you've been on Tinder for six months and you haven't gotten pussy yet, kill yourself. That is the pussy delivery service and you haven't gotten it yet. How's that possible? That's like ordering food on Uber Eats and it just misses your apartment because you're fucking ugly.

But this backs up your point though. Tinder is everyone. We should have a league table. You go on Tinder, you keep getting good swipes, you get points and you go up and you're allowed to you're in you're on your own Tinder. You're like premium Tinder. But there's no good swipes. Attractive people get more attractive people. Do they? Yeah. Yeah. Hinge is really weighted. Like you, how do they? I think I'm league one Tinder.

I'm like Wrexham because I'm earning more. I honestly, I think I'd do all right. League one. You know? Tinder is for slop and slop only. What do you use? Sounds great. I don't want to say.

You're Rhea. Rhea? Yeah. Yeah. You're Rhea? I'm Rhea. I'm on'm real. It's this exclusive woman. It's just piss. It's just for bombing. It's for gays and women who love. I mean anal. It's your back in it. Ria is the back. So we usually bomb Ria's your asshole. No, the real is just the rear view. Yeah. Fucker from a rear is either bumming or someone paying a debt off. Every

time you're on, all we do is Scouse American Rosetta Stone. This is it. We've had loads of fucking Americans on and we don't do this. It's like, Hey Gabby, right? Let's teach you some words. You've got to survive. Scouse. If Laura told you to fuck her from the rear, you'd know what she meant. Yeah, it sounds so clinical though. Yeah, I know it is. Yeah. We would never say that. We'd say, bum your head off.

If they, if she said either, I'd be really worried. If I get home tonight and went, you know what? I'm not bum my head off. Where from? The rear. Big laws. Big laws. Big laws.

Big laws. Big laws. So how do they, do they just look at your pictures and go, he's a seven. It has to be AI. I think a good executive order for dating profiles and websites is you should, it should be timestamped. the picture that you have on. And after three months, they just automatically did. Someone sent this automatically deleted three months. Three months is not fair. I just took up the 2012 pressure. Then what? Like, well, that's more than three months. I know it is. Let's find the median. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 18 months. I'd say. Yeah. All right. A year. A year. Yeah. Cause you could have a baby in that time and it could all go to shit. Your face. Yeah. How you having babies? Some women do lose their face when they have a baby. Not like, I mean

metaphorically like women look different after their child sometimes. In a good way. In my experience, they look much more beautiful. No, you have to be violent. Especially two of them. Especially from the rear. Her face looks really good from the rear. Pussy bum face. I like that one. I think the caste system. I also have bring, I said, Oh my God, this is my next one. Delete dating apps, bring back brothels. Do government funded pagan mating ceremonies slash single mixers. Yeah. But government funded legal. It's like jury duty. You have all the singles in your area have to show up legally. You round them up. You go to games workshop, you clear it out and you only get out of it. If you've got a dentist appointment, exactly. If you have flat feet, I don't trust your fucking

opinion. I'd love to do your duty by the way. I can't wait to be called. I'd love to do your duty. It was like a mad like a fucking like some country's got too many parts. And it's a two month behind my own. What's the journey? Yeah, they ask us to go back and take a test. Don't they go on for two months? Oh yeah, you have to be there every day. Murders. I wouldn't mind that, bro. I'm not like you.

Oh, don't want to do that special. Sounds too fun. Adam, what's the journey? You want to do a three month murder trial? Not like, dad, he doesn't want to say... I love three month murder trials. You'd forget to go. You get done with consent to court.

Adam would just be in here on the second week and we'd be like, Adam, you're in jury. He's like, Oh, I have to walk. It's seven miles away. Absolutely forget to go. It's deliberations day. I can't wait to have you ever been called up. No, I want to so bad. I do want a good one though. Like a hot proper juicy one. That would be sat there like, yeah, he robbed that piece of wood. Ah, the old timber merchant criminals. There's so many of them. Log thieves. I want that one. Scott Roger said, um, executive order morning lids. I have an executive order for you.

I love it when people give us the time of day. It's nice. Dead people's social media profiles should be immediately deleted by the family when they die. I have a few people who have died on my Facebook and people still wish them happy heavenly birthday every year. I understand it can be a coping mechanism for some people, but it just creeps me out. Like they are never gonna fucking reply. So just give it a rest. They're never gonna reply. Your profile dies with you. No. I think get off Facebook.

Well, Facebook make it into a memorial profile, don't they? If you tell them, they make it into a special profile. Memory of whoever it is. Yeah. Which is nice. That's nice. Like people find it, use it as a way to communicate. We're all gonna have digital, like,

you're gonna be able to scroll through our lives from their old. That's called Facebook. Isn't that haunting? Yeah, I've just thought about that. But you're gonna be able to, if Instagram's still about in 50 years, you're gonna be able to scroll through someone's life

and see it. Instagram's got five, 10 years, and then it will be as redundant as Facebook is now. Unless we just age into it. Like we get to the point where we're like, no, it's still the best. Like 60 year olds are like, I'm on Facebook. They won't move on with the times. I'm still enjoying, of course, you know, birthdays and such of all my dead relatives. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Lunch next week. The bitch isn't answering DMs. I tell

you that. I think it's really haunting sometimes when I'm like mid podcast as I am right now, I'll think, Oh no, people can listen to this and will listen to this long after I'm gone of me saying Maggie McCunt 300 times. I have a message that you want to put out into the world. Yeah. I wish my tits were bigger. I have a message that you want to put out into the world. Yeah. I wish my tits were bigger. I have a similar concern about my wife. Listen to this on Tuesday. Ben Fletcher says executive orders.

If you buy a train ticket and the conductor, a conductor doesn't come around and check you get your money back. Yes. Does my head in. I feel like telling them. That's a really good one. I do feel like that'll just mean they always have conductors on there, which I mean it's harder to get away with never having one. So I don't like that one. If you buy a ticket, get on the train, the barriers are open when you get on the train, then you get on. No one checks the ticket. Then you get off and the barriers are up.

Everyone has had the thought, fuck, I could have just not paid. Yeah. It's actually one of the most heartbreaking feelings of all time. So how are you, how are you not paying? Cause I am a pussy and I do not do well with it. What happens if you pay on the train? How much extra is it? It's not like what's the 10th though. Cause why would everyone just do that then? No. So it depends on first of all, how good of a mood the, the conductors in cause they can just give you a fair, the off peak price, but you technically have to pay the anytime for. I think Mersey rail threatened you with more than that. You know, if you've not got a ticket, you get a fine. That's bylaws. That's company specific. Is that because you can't get

into some stations without a ticket, can you? There's so many barriers. So you would have had to jump over a barrier. No, but if you get Mersey rail from Cape and Hearst, like no one does, apart from me sometimes, that's just one of them open platforms. Lyme street as well. Mersey rail? Mersey as in the area. It's like the subway for where we live, but it's on a bigger mercy rail. Okay. Good. And they're like, ah, just come it. All right. That's the fuck party. That's the best thing you ever said. Is it? I didn't get it. Right. That's right. Railing someone. wrong rail and someone. Mercy rail. Oh, nice. Ollie Wells says, Hey, I'm a postman flex and I am there. And there is nothing more annoying than someone ordering a massive parcel for them to not be in and me having

to take it back to the delivery office. So therefore I think every household should legally have a designated safe space for deliveries. If you don't have one, you cannot receive deliveries. A safe space. Yeah. That you know where you can't be racist to your parcels. No, you can't blame me for what happens in the safe space. Isn't that the job though? The job. I did. But what if you live in an apartment building? Oh, you ain't in. You can have it in six months now.

Fucking balance. Deliver me parcel. And also not people can't be in all day every day. Just put it next to me door. You know what? The postman isn't in. What if he gets a package? He's always in work.

Package. Yeah. Package. I think I nailed that. Everyone goes to work. You earning. Couldn't give it to your housemates. I had that last week.

Your housemate didn't have the password. So I couldn't give it to your housemate. Superman 2. Password? Adam Rowe is my password. What? Adam Rowe is my password. Hello, I am Adam Rowe and my name is my password with the post office. Guy came up

got a package for you. What's your name? Adam Rowe. What's your password? I have mine behind the, I mean, I'm not going to say that, but I have a safe space. What is it? I'm not going to say it. It's a to be gay. Gabby, leave me alone. Cause everyone knows where it is. Your head off. It's, I have another one. Just leave it on the front. Leave it with a neighbor. There's what? At least one person in my road is in that house. That's why you buy presents for neighbors when you move in. They are your fucking safe space. You do that where we had this debate earlier in the episode, when you move in a little bottle of wine for your new neighbors. I live in an apartment building. What am I going to buy? 35

bottles of wine. Yeah, but it's not a New York thing. Is it like, I have a crazy story. Go. When I got the boobs, I was high on Vicodin and Valium for a week. Nice. And they told me turn off your phone. Don't use your phone. I've never used my phone more. And I woke up a week later looking through my text messages and I was sexting my neighbor. She's a widow. She's a widow. She was really sad. I was like, Oh, fuck you. Who was it? It was a guy upstairs who lives right above me, who I met one time and I complained that he was too loud. Cut to I'm like sexting him a lot. Did he sext back? Yeah.

Can you read them? No. Wow. Read his end. What's the first text you sent out of the blue? I don't know. I don't even know his name. I don't remember his name right now. Would you sexier though, isn't it? Would you sex back someone you didn't know who you were? That is sexy. And I was not to not know his name. I think man from above. I think it was a fishing scope. I actually don't. That's a lie. This is true. Why? I mean it came to me in the middle of the night. Is it Vicodin? Is it good? When everyone's

like, I'm addicted to Adderall. I'm like, I'd love to try. Isn't it all ADHD medicine? Oh, is it? You know, find them. I'll remember it. Keep talking. Have you got another one? Another executive? Oh yeah. Mine are more like mine aren't necessarily laws, but they are like fun ideas. That's also what your president's doing right now. Yeah, that's very true. Make one airline for single people. So we know that we'll have to dress hot. Gabby, you're so horny, mate. You want a cast system for fucking at work. You want shag airlines. This is so- Well, I wrote this on Virgin Airlines.

So I was like, what's the opposite of this? Old people meeting on planes that, oh yeah. Old people used to meet on planes all the time because they would wear like a corset and a fucking parasol into the airport. And now you go to the airport looking the worst you've ever looked. And I think we're missing out.

What? In the twenties. Yeah, and they're smoking cigarettes. It's all sexy up there. Like now we get on a flight. I have 30 eye masks on and I'm, you know, I've, I'm bundled up to here. Like if we knew that everyone on the airplane was single, why don't you judge it up a little bit? Are the toilets available for, for fucking them? Sure. I didn't think of that, but Finn, whatever you want.

Just saying that would be a good perk of it. If everyone's saying it was $800 to the UK on, you know, Virginia, but it was like 1500 on single for airlines. Would you pay it? Yeah. It's an eight hour flight. That's so much sex. So much. Or it doesn't have to be sex. Like relax. It could just be light flirting. It could be light flirting. I'm paying less. You, but you go, you time up your movies up the same time. Hello there. Nice shoes. You want to watch eight pray love with me and you both hit play at the same exact time. I'd hit a jack. Pray love. I should have gone. I'm a virgin. That's my plane. Really? Also, you're going to go on the plane with an open mind. Don't be a dick. Don't go on

and be like, no, I wouldn't be on this plane. You wouldn't be on the plane. You're married. Say she's left me. Laura's gone. Right. Why is she gone? She's she's sucked off her underage rugby team. Underage? She's, she's sucked off her underage rugby team. Oh, underage. She's one of the very few female gang pedophiles. Last week. She's abstinolina. It's actually a callback. We say five minutes as soon as we were like, Oh my God, let's watch a film together. But I'm like, Oh, the self play. And she was like, he pray love. I'd be like, give me a fucking break. Have you ever seen me pray love? I've I'm aware of the concept of it. Is it Julia Roberts?

Is it Julia Roberts? This is my guess. Julia Roberts in Italy, post divorce, trying to get fingered. You've seen the movie. You can't just imagine that. I've not seen it. I think I had a friend who tried to sell me the film. So you're going to tell me you don't want to sell you the film. I've got to play love on DVD for written it's yours. You don't want to see Julia get fingered in Italy. Where's pray? Yeah. Where's prey? Guess where prey is. I don't know. Call. Yes. Did she fall in over the place? You were trying to set up a joke. Nice guess. You just so insistent. I was like, Carl's got a bit. Is it like Thailand or somewhere? Close. Where is it? Bali. Nice. Yes. And then love is Paris. Oh, actually love is Bali. I think pray is Thailand.

I think you go for a new vagina. She got a new vagina. Well, they, you know, in Italy, it got fingered off and she needed a new one. I was all right though. That's sanded down. She needed a new one. So right. You would love it. I think you would actually. I was all right though. Got sanded down. She needed a new one. You would love it. I think you would actually love it. I'm not against a Julia Roberts film. It sounds like you are. Aaron Brockovich, sign me up. Charlie Wilson's war. You know, I like, I like a bit, you know, big JR. Then what's your issue? It just seems aggressively feminine. Do you know what else is aggressively feminine? Getting pussy on an airplane. Sounds pretty cool. Good thing you won't be invited. Sounds a bit rapey.

We're going to get some aggressive feminine. I want to watch a journey for Julia Robertson. No, it's great. Jersey jokes and pride. Pussy sounds like a fucking hat trick. I am watching the sequel. Eat, Pray, Love, Turkey Tits, New Vaggie in Thailand. Guess what? Julia's not signed up for the sequel. But it's Sydney Sweeney and that's all right. That's all right. I can't do anymore. I can't do anymore. Gabby, not only is this your third episode, it's been your best, you've been fucking brilliant, mate.

It's been an absolute pleasure to see you. Good luck in Cardiff on a Tuesday on all your other UK tour dates. Thank you so much. And we can follow you at... At Gabbyasbryan everywhere. And see you in London for Murderers Row. Still Murderers Row tickets, have a word pod.comcom still tickets for Adam Rowan friends all over the country adamrow.co.uk forward slash shows if you want the shortcut come and see oh sorry god thought you finished i i was about to finish and pass over to you if you want to come and have a rave with the lids

it's not really rave it's an all-day dance party playing some club classics and just bangers really if you like dance music and you're free on sunday the 20th of April, 4 PM till 10 PM is dance anthems. Should have been dance. Nice. Don. I go.com for tickets. Thank you. Are you going to play pussy? What was it? Oh, hang on. I'm fine. I'm fine. You should really face. I'm fine. Pussy bum face. I'm fine. Pussy bum. You should really remix this. Everyone is singing at the same time. Ready? One, two, three, pussy bum face. I'm fine. Pussy bum face. I'm fine. Pussy bum face. I'm fine. One more. Pussy bum face. I'm fine. So there's no need for a song at the end of this week's episode

because we've just done it. Also, it's just some shite, you know, we don't want, Oh, it's yours. It's mine. It's mine again this week. New single. Just like an abuse in this feature. No, it's no, the last one was for the India special. So that's fair. Okay.

Like I use it. Yeah. Just trying to get that sweet Spotify though. That's six pounds 40 get in my pocket. Um, yeah, this is called cherry. The music video is pretty stupid. we Spotify though. That's six pound 40. Get in my pocket. Yeah, this is called Cherry. The music video is pretty stupid. I showed you before.

I think it's great. You're selling the song, Finn. Yeah, the song's great. It's some catchy indie pop. If you like your indie pop summary, catchy. It's good. Is that how much money you've been in for the past 56 pound 40?

No, it's more than that, but it's not loads. Yeah, it's called Cherry. It's available wherever you get your music. The link will be in the description. Go and listen to it. Add it to your playlists. I want it to do well. I want to do well. It's not shade. It's my favorite thing. Can I just say top six for me? Pussy boom, face. I'm fine. You say, and here's the music video. It's on the end of the episode. Enjoy it. We've got the rights for it. I've got the rights. I'll give you the rights. Enjoy. Yes, I'm sure it's cherry enjoyable. I'm feeling something. I never It's incredible. I've been changing the stick around Though I try, I can't leave the wall Cherry in the sky, cherry in the sky, what you gonna do? The better state of mind, the better state of mind I've been thinking of through I'm all cried out, all cried out, and I'm ready for something new

Cherry in the sky, cherry in the sky, what you gonna do? Cherry in the sky, cherry in the sky, what you gonna do? Now the sun's out, I can feel the blaze I've been drifting, just thinking of a place All my life, I never wanted Change my mind No fight, no feelings Cherry in the sky, cherry in the sky What you gonna do?

Better stay in my mind, better stay in my mind I've been gonna do I'm all dried up, all dried up And I'm ready for something new Cherry in the sky, cherry in the sky, what you gonna do? Cherry in the sky, cherry in the sky, what you gonna do? I'm gonna be a hero I'm gonna be a hero I'm gonna be a hero I'm gonna be a hero I'm gonna be a hero

I'm gonna be a hero I'm gonna be a hero I'm gonna be a hero I'm gonna be a hero I'm gonna be a hero I'm gonna be a hero I'm gonna be a hero I'm gonna be a hero I'm gonna be a hero What you gonna do? The better state of mind, the better state of mind

I've been thinking it through I'll cry it out, I'll cry it out And I'll raise something new Cherry in the sky, cherry in the sky What you gonna do? Cherry in the sky, cherry in the sky What you gonna do? Cherry in the sky, cherry in the sky What you gonna do? Cherry in the sky, cherry in the sky

What you gonna do? Cherry in the sky, cherry in the sky What you gonna do?